#I am mentally devastated I miss him so much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

Note

Aita for telling my ex boyfriend I don’t miss him?

Tw for talk of sexual activity, emotional neglect

For context, I (19f) broke up with my boyfriend (18m) three months ago. We were going strong for a day short of nine months, but he was going to meet my family and my anxiety got in the way so I panicked and self sabotaged the best relationship I ever had. I know now I was a coward and I hurt him deeply, we’d even planned on attending the same university and starting a bookstore together

He really was the best thing to ever happen to me. He was unconditionally supportive of me when I deal with my emotionally manipulative home life, always told me how pretty I am, got me gifts and would binge my favorite shows so I could infodump to him. He’d been seriously neglected and borderline abused by his toxic ex boyfriend (an ex-mutual friend) but he always went above and beyond to make sure he wasn’t projecting onto me and our relationship. I was head over heels

But I broke up with him the day before our nine-month milestone because I was so sure that he would break my heart and leave me just like everyone else in my life had (and a week before we were to fly cross-country to meet my parents. I went alone.) And he told me in the many conversations we’ve had since then that it ruined his self-esteem and made him question his own self worth if he couldn’t even convince me that he was worth keeping around

And he said that he had planned to ask me to marry him when we got out of university in a couple years. He was so devastated over the phone, but I stuck with my decision to not date anyone during college. I needed to focus on myself and my own mental health… which I haven’t been good about doing (looking at my various online dating profiles)

While we were together, all of my friends were in their horny college phases and hooking up with anything that moved and they’d leave me out of friend activities because I was with my boyfriend. It made me feel alone and isolated and I’d cry to my boyfriend about it and only realize later how awful it was to complain to my significant other about how badly I wanted to be single. Yet, he never complained. I was awful to him

We’ve recently become friends again and we’ve started having casual sex. He has an almost unnaturally low libido compared to my super high one so when he calls me, I’m always at his front door. He’s always so sweet and caring, even after we’ve broken up, and he always checks in on me in the following days to make sure I’m okay. He’s undoubtedly my best friend and my romantic feelings for him have all pretty much died

Last night I spent the night at his place. As we were drifting off, I heard him mumble that he misses me and wrote it off as his sleepy pillow talk. We’d talked in length about never getting back together because of how I hurt him and I agreed it was for the best. This morning, he asked me if hed said anything strange and I didn’t bring it up until he kept nagging me and I told him what he’d said.

He started apologizing profusely and I said I wasn’t upset, because I’m not. I asked him if he meant it and he said he didn’t know. I said it’s fine, he can keep the answer to himself when he figured it out, I didn’t miss him. I ate the breakfast he made and left for work

Now I’m sitting at work and feeling really bad about it. I want to still be his friend and still sleep with him for as long as he’ll have me, but I also feel like I shut him down and hurt him again. I don’t know if my decision to put my foot down was the right one

So, tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

600 notes · View notes

disruptivevoib · 6 months

Text

I am eternally thinking about how Whole is a concept of the fandom and not canonical at all.

Arguably, maybe someone would say the inclusion of Whole diminishes the original message of the album, to which I do not disagree but I do not agree either.

He changes the context of it, I suppose?

Because the original album, Whole is a concept to be strived for. He is not real, it is always just Heart, Mind, and Soul beneath the surface. They are manifested facilities of the way a person is, how they talk to themselves, the internal conversation. That "psychosocial envy" is the idea of the album. The effect that social standards have on someone who views themself as flawed beyond recognition without any idea how to fit into what the world wants of them.

Soul longs to be Whole because he longs to become what society deems is a person. All of what they are and what they want to be comes in many different forms. It could be any number of internalized ideals of what a man should be, or who you should love, or what you should strive for in life.

Two Wuv as a song is that realization that even after Mind and Heart are better, after they've been able to communicate and function "properly", there is no Whole coming. This is who they are, and that is fine. He is not perfect, he is not what society wants, but he IS a person, and to him, he is Whole.

It is a concept of self forgiveness and grace. The ability to have nuance that what society seeks of you is not so important as truth of the self, owning your flaws and seeming imperfections.

Ultimately, everyone's brain runs differently. Everyone talks to themselves differently, refers to and conceptualizes their inner-world in many ways, and none of it is definable. We have no capable way of putting the way somebody speaks to themself, refers to, and functions within themselves entirely into a box. We are a collection of lived experiences turning itself into informed reactions and responses. If that makes any sense at all.

Of course, the things we have put labels to are definable and are all a part of how we interact with ourself, and there are always commonalities and similarities. There is so much variety in it, being human is fluid...

Anyways.

Without Whole, the "end" of the album means they are in acceptance of one another, that there is a positive relationship with your inner dialogue for some time before something happens and causes a harsh reflection to shatter it all. With him, it is essentially the same, just that there is a more literal or tangible figure to represent that cohesive self-acceptance.

Whole being a tangible character doesn't change Soul, but as I said, informs him more. Whole and Soul are mirror images, they are had to separate and Soul is what Whole is without the interwoven Emotion and Thought.. I suppose. Soul strives for him, and without him, comes to accept this is how it is and who he is. With him, Soul may miss that aspect, or more so, get it only to discover Whole is real, and everything he did worked, but now he sacrifices himself for that.

The dynamic is interesting but incredibly devastating in that regard, especially because it is unlikely Whole's intention to ever split. Nobody wants to have a mental breakdown, y'know?

I could go on about this forever. Whole not being a real character (at least not in the way we often think of him) in the album but something very real and even achievable within the fandom space is.. I dunno, so unique? Its not often fans get to create something that while entirely uncanon to the project, is very important to it.

Side note, what I mean by not how we see him is that Whole is real because they have always been Whole. In album there is no separation. If anything, Concord is like leaving CJ's inner dialogue and witnessing just all of them in tandem being him.

Okay okay. I'm done.

#chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #voidthoughts #cj heart #cj mind #cj soul #cccc #I could really really keep going forever #I think I find the album itself more satisfying #but in concepting and writing whole being tangible is SO so much more capable of intriguing narrative #long post

138 notes · View notes

dragonform · 23 days

Text

Dragons Rising Season 2 Pt1 overall thoughts!

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS DO NOT CLICK UNLESS YOU'VE WATCHED THE WHOLE THING

In no particular order:

Wow, this season was the heaviest one yet. I'd been a bit disappointed by how Season 1 seemed a bit light on the life lessons that I found so compelling in Ninjago. Well, DR2 delivered in spades, from the theme of secrets, to the issues of mental health. Never should've doubted Ninjago writers!

WHY LEAVE SO MANY UNRESOLVED THREADS THOUGH. Not even clues for fans to speculate on?!?

Like what happened in Cole's journey to follow Master Wu?

What really is that glowing orb sprite thingy? Because it showed up in the Monastary of Spinjitzu to close the portal gate, right? How was it doing that before they'd even traveled to Mysterium? Have I misunderstood something? (Granted, I had to do chores here and there so I really might've missed something... need a rewatch)

Where did Cinder even come from? How did Ras recruit him? What's his story?

What really is Arin's object spinjitzu power?

Of course I'm sure all of this will be resolved/revealed eventually, but it seems a lot to conclude in the next 10 episodes. Oh wait, they've said they have enough material for a few more seasons right? Well, sure looks like enough for at least a third season.

I think the ones who are gonna have a falling out are Arin and Sora. It's gonna be revealed, maybe at some critical point, that he didn't actually do object spinjitzu to get them the win, and it's gonna destroy his self confidence as well as his trust in Sora.

They're gonna get all of the Forbidden Five out eventually, possibly by shoving more ninja through the gate. Which is fine, because the ninja will just meet up and come back through the Power of Friendship!

SO CURIOUS to find out what the elemental powers of the Forbidden Five are.

I was a little disappointed by the lack of Euphrasia though. I thought for sure she'd have a more major role this season, but she still remained a side character for most of it. Oh well, patience!

BONZLE. I did NOT expect her story to go this way. Still trying to wrap my brain around a sentient spell, but hey. It's Ninjago.

Love her so much though she's so precious.

Speaking of precious, ZANE. That's it. That's the whole thought.

No, I AM going to expand on that. Look at how he had such a vast knowledge of the Administration's rules and regulations. Look at how he stalled them with it. Look at the pride he had in helping them raise their efficiency by NINE PERCENT. IT COULD'VE BEEN TEN YOU GUYS. IF HE HADN'T GOTTEN RESCUED.

MR FROHICKY. I need that Frohicky plushie like YESTERDAY.

Also PUPPY COLE PLUSH WHEN

COLE. He's still protecting and trying to comfort everyone. What an amazing fight he put on at the monastary, almost a one-man army against the Adminstration's mechs, with Gandalaria's support. I bet his failure to protect Zane would have devastated him if Zane had been deactivated permanently. Fortunately Gandalaria knows more about nindroids than she should...

GANDALARIA! Endlessly positive and chirpy and disorganised. Like a more established Fungus. Wish I could be her. Loved seeing her dynamic with Cole being her straight man (hush, yes I know.)

So happy to see Kai get his focus for a change. Love Lloyd but he gets the focus like... every season. Kai needs the love. He's really cool this season.

Nya gets the least focus :( I miss her

WHY are all the ninjas' powers only as powerful as the plot calls for it :/ Zane's frozen way more than just a runaway mech back in the day!

I still think Ras looks too cuddly to be taken seriously as an antagonist. I mean would you not hug a Ras plushie? Look at those eyes. Look at that nose.

Is Ras's master a Source Dragon or the Overlord? OR BOTH?

Love Rontu, but she is such an archetypal (?) Nurturing Mentor to Egalt's Grumpy Old Master

Egalt has dragon cancer :( he looks way cooler in the show than he looked in the promotional materials and the set

I haven't talked about Jay, have I? JAY. Oh how my heart skipped a beat when he showed up pointing that gun/taser at Bonzle. I literally said out loud "OH NO OH NO OH NO".

I think that was the single most terrifying part of the whole season for me. I don't even know why it was so visceral. I think I was worried that his entire peronality had changed, though I don't know why I thought that, since in Pt1 he was literally playing video games instead of working.

So I was actually relieved to hear that he felt he didn't really belong in the Administration. Pre-merge Jay probably couldn't even fill out a single form properly. He probably had Nya or Zane or Cole do all the paperwork for him.

He clearly wasn't suprised that he had control over lightning. Why did nobody know about it? He's the kinda guy who'd use his powers for entertainment if he didn't have a good reason to hide them.

He didn't recognise his own ninja outfit D:

Lastly, the Finders - I'm also a little troubled by how Cole seems to put them ahead of his ninja family, but then again. He knows the ninja are all very capable warriors who can take care of themselves. On the other hand, for who knows how long, he had felt responsible for protecting his little newfound family. It makes sense that he would continue priotising them even after finding his old family.

In conclusion, Cole is such a dad :D

And to wrap it up, NEED PT 2 NOW 6 MONTHS IS TOO LONG TO WAIT NETFLIX /shakes fist

Sorry that was so long and rambling! Fun though.

I had wanted to do a blow by blow reaction post of every episode, but I can't seem to get clear photos from my device without major reflection issues. Still trying though!

#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago spoilers

20 notes · View notes

vole-mon-amour · 11 months

Text

You know, I was surprised by the amount of people asking for s4. I understand, it's your favourite show. Mine, too. I'll be devastated if we never see Phil as Jamie again (he's my fav character, can't do anything about it). I'll miss him very very much.

However,

1. I was amazed by the amount of things they got wrong but general audience saying that the finale was perfect and asking for more. We must be watching a very different show.

2. After that AMA with Brendan, I simply don't trust the writers to continue this. In my mind it's a bit of a relief that we're probably not getting more because of the possibility of them ruining it even further.

Sure, one of my fav episodes (Sunflowers, 3x06) was written by Jason S. and Joe Kelly. Brendan was probably involved in some way, but not enough to give him credit for writing and directing it.

International break, 3x10, was written by Jane Becker. There are moments that I dislike, but the entire Uncle day? Roy & Jamie being besties? Roy finding the right words after he sees Jamie giving a nod to Sam that couldn't represent his team? Chef's kiss. I still think the way they handled Roy x Keeley was awful, but still. It was, more or less, a nice episode in my opinion.

Mom city, 3x11, was written by both Jason and Brendan & I absolutely LOVE it for most part (especially if we ignore the entire 'forgive him' thing with Jamie's dad). Jamie-centric episode that I'll always cherish & it's a shame we didn't have more of those. Give Phil all the awards. Love love LOOOVEEE IIITTT. Even better, give Jamie his own spin-off and invite Phil back as Jamie. (But then again, the fear of them bringing James back into Jamie's life and showing it as a good thing... The fear is Real.)

However, how could all Jason, Joe, and Brendan together write and release 3x12 as is is beyond me. How could they give us all those parallels, all that build up, only for it to ruin it in the finale? Jamie and his dad, Beard and Jane, the weird triangle thing that before this was mostly presented as ot3 but suddenly turned in the dumbest possible '2 people are chasing another same one' and Roy & Jamie both being OOC as HELL. Even ot3 aside, what was that bar talk? Jamie would never. Then at Keeley's house and Roy that's 'been working his ass off for the past year' but actually regressed to the point of BEFORE we see him in s1. He was presented as mentally mature in s1. I understand that he's jealous and insecure, but getting back to throwing punches at your best friend trying to convince himself/believing that after one night stand (that was VERY poorly addressed in 3x10 and 3x11 in my opinion) you're getting back together with your ex when she's been turning you down again and again? After that misogynistic comment about "But she's a woman, so you never know." WHO wrote that and why? Who allowed this to appear in the actual episode? And don't give me the "He's only human" treatment, he was always human but he never treated Keeley that shitty. He was better than that from the beginning. Or is it just me who wanted him to be better? Plus, Roy attacking Jamie after KNOWING what Jamie went through and how awful it is for him.

Before TL there was a show that I loved very much, but it disappointed me to the point that I started hating it, dropped it before the last season aired, and blacklisted it everywhere. I won't name it, but the writers were absolutely awful and treated the fans and the main gay ship like clowns. Typical Cis White Guys behavior towards their own characters and writing them as OOC as possible. I was very afraid this might happen to TL but was hoping that it won't. After 3x12? You guys. All my trust into their writing and believing in knowing what they're doing completely disappeared.

I am gutted bc of how much this show means to me and how it helped me through the darkest time in my life, but also... Are we sure we want more? Are we sure we trust them to continue this with these characters? I can kinda imagine the female football team, but to continue with all of our favs?

Mmm, I'm not sure about that, guys. Are you?

#brendan hunt #jamie tartt #ted lasso #roy kent #roy x jamie #roy x jamie x keeley #jason sudeikis #meta #i guess?#i tag the ships but it's actually more generic for me #them getting their own characters wrong is SO BAD #there are actually way more issues for me in the finale #i just completely can't get over the named ones #bc if i start on what i didn't name...#yikes #i also have SO many questions for phil #can i please have a chat with him?#i usually don't know what to ask but this time i have too many questions

80 notes · View notes

spacemagicandlaserswords · 10 months

Text

The Clone Wars 4x10 ‘Carnage of Krell’ Reaction

OMG

I AM NOT OK

MY EMOTIONS

DOGMA

REX

WAXER

TUP

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH

Ok ok trying to get my thoughts in order. Even still, this is going to be all over the place.

Tup coming up with the idea of using the Umbara sarlacc monster to trap Krell was so damn clever.

The moment Dogma broke and realised he’d been betrayed just absolutely broke my heart. He thought he was doing the right thing the entire time. He was trying to do the right thing. He was trying to be good. Omg good soldiers follow orders nooooo now is not the time for that thought.

Do we know what happens to Dogma? Please tell me we find out what happens to him.

Jesse’s shoulders are so broad. That shot of him from the back in his upper blacks in the brig was just, omg, sir why are you so broad?

WHY THE FUCK DID THEY PUT A MEDIC IN A FIRING SQUAD?! WHAT WAS KIX DOING THERE?! WHY?! WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP NONSENSE IS THIS?!

Also, they put Tup in the firing squad as well?! It seems like Tup and Dogma are close so I’m assuming their close or best friends or maybe batch mates but WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

“Well, I’ve officially lost my sense of humour” Jesseeeeeeeeeeeee

I got the distinct impression that Jesse was much less impressed with what was happening than Fives, who seemed like he’d accepted his fate, until…

THAT ABSOLUTELY BADASS SPEECH! FIVES! You have all of my heart. All of it.

I kept mentally screaming “Where is Cody?!” during the scene where the 501st and 212th attacked each other until I realised that Waxer was in charge so of course Cody and Obi Wan aren’t there.

The whole scene where the clones attacked each other was just utterly heartbreaking. Emotionally destroyed. I was clutching my face and shaking and making pained noises and tearing up for pretty much all of this episode but that scene. Ugh. Omg. I do not have the words. I am completely devastated. The way Rex fell to his knees. The looks on all the clones faces. How the 212th clone Rex was holding fell to the ground. *sobs*

Waxer had a sticker of Numa on his bucket *WAILS*

And the tear right before he dies?! *SOBS*

I know it’s an “animated kids tv show” but it really made no sense that there were all these injured and dying clones and there’s no blood. Especially when Waxer was coughing and wheezing. That’s the point you’d expect him to be coughing up blood but there’s nothing. Also, Rex’s face when he asked Waxer who gave the order them to attack. It was so gentle and caring and sad.

Speaking of sad, the end where they’re all question what this is all for. They’re so right. So much pointless death and killing.

Rex when he went down to execute Krell. Omg, you poor, poor man. So many emotions. He was struggling with so much. I know this is his line of “On your knees” comes from, and twice. And it was definitely a badass moment and I’m sure in time with further watching it’ll become one of those moments where if Rex said that to me in that voice I’d impale my knees through the floor immediately but at the moment I can’t separate it from the situation and what was happening. He was shaking.

I’m going to have to watch through these episodes again and do more of a live-blog style reaction to everything as I watch it, similar to 1x5 ‘Rookies’, 2x10 ‘The Deserter’, and the recent Wolffe episode, because I know I’m missing so much. But I also wanted to get this immediate first emotional reaction out first becomes omg ALL THE EMOTIONS

Of course the evil baddie starts monologuing. You could see his eyes turn yellow.

Ah, so this is the episode where the badass shot of Rex putting on his bucket while marching with a bunch of the 501st comes from.

How did Fives, an ARC Trooper, not notice Dogma, who was in binders, had taken his blaster? And why did they take Dogma out of the brig in the first place? I may be reading into this way too much but I think mayhaps Fives (and Rex?) knew what they were doing? Maybe? Even I’m not sure reading that back. But Fives doesn’t dual wield like Rex, we’ve seen him very clearly use a DC-15 blaster rifle many times in battle. Though Wookieepedia says Fives “began using twin DC-17s like his friend Rex, though he continued [to] use the DC-15A from time to time.” and cited episode 4x8 ‘The General’ as the source for that quote. I think I’m just overthinking this now. Also, sobbing at that quote from Wookieepedia where Rex is referred to as his friend rather than Captain.

Waxer had tally marks on his armour too. Has Rex started a trend?

Who was the clone who reported to Rex at the end of the episode that Umbara had been taken? Was that Appo? He seemed very “generic standard clone”, with no different paint or tattoos or hair.

I’ve noticed that unless they’re specific characters, the rest of the clones (background clones? extras?) seem to be all the same. Which makes sense from an animation perspective, you’d just copy and paste (heh) the same model and save time by not having to customise every single one. Though I wish we could see some of that individuality in all of them, rather than just the main and supporting ones.

A lot of the lighting, especially of the clones' faces, is very stark, almost horror movie-esque. Like when you put a torch under your chin and tell spooky stories.

Ok I’ve sort of run out of steam and fallen in an emotional heap now so I think that’s it for this and I’ll have to come back to everything in the re-watch.

I’m going to go and curl up in a ball in the corner and cry or something now. Or I’m just going to watch it all over again.

42 notes · View notes

weak4skz · 1 year

Text

Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, angst, idol au

Summary: Han and y/n have been friends since before they remember. But what happens if their friendship is severed by an unfortunate situation and Han goes off to be an idol while y/n is in college. When they connect through a mutual friend, what happens then?

CHAPTER WARNINGS: self harm, suicide attempt, eating disorder, body dysmorphia, reader isn’t in the right mind, body insecurities, just a lot of feelings, insecurities in general, self consciousness (tell me if I missed anything)

NOT PROOF READ!!!

A/N: chapter 2 is finally up!! If you couldn't tell, my life has been kind of a mess lately and I've been really busy with school as well as personal matters. But thank you for sticking around and being patient <3

COMMENT TO BE ADDED TO MY TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES!!!

want2besomeoneelse lixie-jisung-stan jisuperboard mentoslol i-dont-know-me-either mooncallerautumn poisonivy21

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Going home my mind was working overtime but at the same time not working at all. My body went into auto-pilot while I was absolutely mentally wrecked. My biggest priority was to drive home without dying or having a mental breakdown; so I focused for the 15 minute drive home. As soon as I was safe inside my house I allowed myself to go numb. To have millions of thoughts but at the same time have no thoughts. It was a coping mechanism I developed over the years.

I found out I could get into this little headspace after Jisung caught me cutting myself. Since I didn’t want to be caught doing something so embarrassing; I had to find another way to cope.

And to think I thought my night couldn’t POSSIBLY get worse

I know I told myself I had gotten past this; but I really needed to feel something. So I went to the bathroom and picked up my blade and started cutting.

It’s not enough

The pain wasn’t painful enough to fix my broken self so I cut deeper than I knew I should.

Ah… sweet relief

While relishing in the floaty feeling, I hear a quiet ping come from my phone. I pick it up, reading the text on my screen.

Hey y/n. I wanted to tell you that I passed that audition that I told you about and got accepted to become a trainee at JYP Entertainment. The only thing is that I have to leave tomorrow; but I promise I’ll keep in touch. Don’t die while I’m gone lol

Hannie

I let out a humorless laugh before making one more cut on my left thigh; it was so deep it gushed out blood. I didn’t really mind though; I needed the pain, maybe even liked it. Or I at least preferred it over everything that had happened in the past couple hours. The bathroom started to blur and I started to see stars; I decided to close my eyes and let the darkness take over.

SIX YEARS LATER

I walk into the cozy coffee spot trying to spot my friend. When I do; I rush over and give him a tight hug while he gently sways the both of us back and forth gently. He hugs me so tight I pull back from a lack of air.

Now, one might think that our greeting is a little much for not seeing each other for two days; but there is nothing dramatic enough for the man who saved my life

“Hey Y/n”

“Hey Chan” I say back breathlessly.

Chan, the 5’7 father of seven who is the reason I’m still here today FOUR YEARS AGO

After receiving the news of my mom’s death; I was devastated. She was at the hospital more than she was home; but when she was home we had so much fun. I could remember nights when we would stay up until 4 am surrounded by our favorite snacks. We would talk about anything and everything: me, her, the new episode of our favorite drama, Jisung.

Jisung

He hasn’t contacted me since the night of that party two years ago. I kept my old phone and number, even when I got a new one, just in case he called. I even pay the ridiculous rent for my childhood home just in case he came by. But maybe he just forgot about me; I mean, I am pretty forgettable. Not much special about me when he is a musical genius.

I look out onto the bridge I’m on; the city looks so pretty from up here. Then, I look down at the water and the reflection of the city on it. Honestly, I would rather be in that city than the one up here. So I walk a little closer to the edge; not to jump, just to look. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. When I get to the edge and lean over it a little, reaching for the city in the water; I feel arms pulling me back. I immediately tense in the man’s arms, trying to figure out what type of person he could be. I lower it down to three options

A pedophile

A man that thought I was gonna jump and is trying to save my life

A drunk guy

‘Hey’ the man says in a gentle voice. “You’re a little close to the edge; why don't we back up a bit, yeah?” the voice says, gently pulling me back to a safe distance from the edge of the bridge. While still in the mystery man’s arms, I begin to analyze him. He’s strong, definitely stronger than me, so I can’t fight him. He also seemed to have the accent of a native English speaker. Before I could finish my detailed analysis the mystery man turned me around.

“Hi,” he starts. “I’m Chan, Bang Chan. And you are?” he asks, looking at me with expecting eyes. “Y/n,” I responded in a quiet voice.

“You looked like you could use some company. Why don’t we walk around and talk for a bit, hm? We can grab some food if you’d like.”

“Oh, I’m not that hungry”

That is the dumbest lie I have ever told

The truth is I am hungry. I have had nothing but a protein shake every other day. I skipped at least two days a week for the times I would go get food with friends or go eat with my mom at the hospital. But, I couldn't stop now. I've finally started to look normal, maybe even pretty.

“Y/n, when’s the last time you ate, and I mean a full meal.”

Y/n, are you really about to spill all of your emotional trauma to some random stranger you just met?

Yes, yes I am

“About a month ago” his eyes automatically widened. “Yeah I have an eating disorder that I developed from body dysmorphia,” now Chan is looking at me like I’m crazy. Which, at the moment, I probably am. “Yeah I know. My mom died last week.” now even I know I’ve gone insane.

“I wanted to jump” this time, I’m a little quieter; the fact I wanted to end my life a little harder to admit. “I’ve been cutting for years but after she died, cutting wasn’t enough”

That was when I realized I was crying. It 's the first time I had cried since I was at my mom’s deathbed. Not while I drove home; not while I was cutting myself on the bathroom floor, not even at the funeral.

I expected Chan to walk away. To consider me another depressed college student and to move with his life. But instead; I feel his arms wrap around me and his hands stand to gently move up and down my back. In my estranged state, I’m confused as to why the man I just met is comforting me. What’s even more confusing is how loved and cherished I feel in his arms. So, as any normal person would do, I cry my heart out into the man’s arms.

After my loud sobs turn into quiet sniffles, Chan pulls me back and looks at my face.

“No offense, but you look like a mess”

“You look worse,” I sniffled.

Now that I got a good look at him, he looked a mess. His hair was in messy, tangled curls, he had really dark bags under his eyes, and he was wearing different shoes.

“We both look like shit. But why don’t we fix our shit together, yeah?’

“Sure, why not”

BACK TO PRESENT TIME

“Ok, hear me out,” Chan starts. “What would you think of meeting the kids and becoming our manager for our upcoming comeback?”

“Let me get this straight. You want me, a broke girl straight out of college with no experience; to manage you and your friends' world-wide popular band?”

“Yes?” he says, but it sounds more like a question.

“I haven’t even met them yet. First let me meet your so-called kids then we can talk about me becoming one of your managers,” I negotiated. Chan talks very highly of his kids; but again he couldn’t say a bad thing about anyone.

“Ok great! How about right now?” he asked with a smile.

“WHAT?” Chan grimaced at my loudness. “Bang Chan I am not dressed to meet a bunch of world-famous kpop idols!” Truthfully, I wasn’t dressed that bad. I was wearing a white tank-top, maybe a little too tight for a girl like me to be wearing; under a dark blue zip-up with some black, wide leg cargo pants.

“You look fine,” he said a little more seriously. “They are at my apartment, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I'll go. I’ve been wanting to meet them for a while, this is just a little more sudden than what I had imagined.” are the words I force out of my mouth. “Yea sorry about that. I just knew if I didn’t ask you to come over today you would put it off for weeks,” he responded with a small smile.

This man knows me too well

He knows how I panic when meeting new people. How I get anxious about everything from what I say to how dirty my shoes are. He knows that I worry myself into panic attacks when it comes to first impressions

I let out a choked laugh, as if I were trying to laugh at a lame joke.

Except I am the joke

I tell him I’ll go, even if I kind of don’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to meet everyone; it’s just they seem so perfect. They just had to look good in everything: serious pictures, funny pictures, music videos, interviews, you name it.

Slightly against my own will; I begin to get up, expecting us to leave.

“Y/n, you’re forgetting something,” Chan reminded me. I look at the table to see if I left my phone or wallet on it, but I don’t spot anything that’s mine. “What am I forgetting?” I asked him confused. “Y/n you forgot your sandwich”

My brain is working at 500 mph trying to come up with a better lie than ‘I had a really big breakfast’ because Chan knows I ever eat in the morning. “Y/n, did you eat at all yesterday? And I mean real food.” Chan asked, or rather scolded.

The truth is I didn’t, but it’s justified because the day before yesterday I went out with my old college friend, Yeji, and we ate hot pot; 3750 calories if I calculated correctly. And that’s way above my daily intake for two whole days. So technically, I ate enough for two days in one day which means there was no need to eat yesterday.

“Y/n,” Chan sighed; “Can you at least take a couple bites? Please?

“I can’t eat when I’m nervous,” was my excuse of choice. I mean, it wasn’t the complete truth but he didn’t have to know.

Chan seemed to accept my answer and stood up. “Fine, are you ready to go?” he asks.

#Han jisung #skz #stray kids #bang chan #bang chris #han x reader #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz x y/n #han x you #insecure #insecurity #insecure reader

65 notes · View notes

little-fandom-dump · 6 months

Text

going to try so hard to cohesively express all of my feelings about Thee israel basilica hands, so bear with me as i write a fuckin novella about this wet cat lad

(obvi spoilers for s2, e 1-7)

i am first and foremost. just incredibly impressed with his growth this season. last year, we had "he's done something to my boss's brain" and "this, whatever you've become...is a fate worse than death". last season, he had nothing but malice and spite for stede (for helping ed discover he can be soft and gentle) and ed (for letting himself change around stede) both. we know canonically now that it was all fueled by love- albeit a possessive and jealous love that hinged on his ideal perception of who ed was as blackbeard.

for years, he subjected himself to a cruel and unfulfilling affection. he allowed himself to be abused just to feel needed, to receive table scraps of attention and praise.

by all rights, he should fucking hate stede this season. after all, didn't he ruin blackbeard's pirating prowess, tarnish the version of the man he has fallen in love with? the crying in a soft velvet robe, the blanket fort and amateur poetry- these are coping mechanisms ed would never have indulged in before meeting stede.

but izzy doesn't hate stede, not really. like he says in episode 7, he understands that stede makes ed a better person- someone more loving to himself and those around him. how could he truly hate someone who does what he could not, who helps the man he loves grow into the best version of himself?

no, who izzy really hates is himself. in izzy's eyes, he's the one who pushed ed into becoming the kraken again after the breakup- he thinks he's responsible for all of the abuse and torture ed puts the crew through in the resulting weeks. the gun to jim's head, the apathy at ivan's death, the extreme psychological and physical abuse that ed inflicts onto the crew- izzy puts a lot of that blame on himself. we see this in his interaction with lucius about moving on- he dangled his leg above the shark, wasn't it really his fault when his leg was bitten off? he drinks himself half to death, begs for the crew to just kill him already, drives all of his pain inwards and inwards and inwards.

the thing about that, though? when a person engages in such self-destruction, they're bound to hurt those closest to them (ask me how i know). and he does. izzy's pain and guilt and self-hatred bleed into the lives of the crew, and it's only after he puts ed's gun to his temple and misses that he realizes it. so, what does he do? ever the unkillable bastard, izzy climbs his ragged way out onto the deck and turns the same gun back on ed. he may be a fucked-up self-loathing twat, but he can't allow (what he views as) his mistakes to hurt the crew-- or ed--anymore.

it is a testament to both the brilliant writing (and con's acting), however, that he doesn't suddenly heal after that. it wouldn't be a realistic expectation to have of him- after all, he's gone through incredible physical, emotional, and mental trauma for years now. izzy, he's not a functioning or emotionally healthy person. instead of suddenly being better and well-adjusted, he's angry and bitter and still so self-destructive. but he still tries to thank stede for the rescue. still tries to convince stede that ed didn't hate their breakup and do horrendous things to the crew and himself, still tries to keep him from knowing they (seemingly) killed him.

and when ed wakes up and stede finds himself the captain of their motley crew again, izzy is still hurting but izzy still tries. among so much hurt and devastation, he tries! and then the crew makes him a new leg, a literal embodiment of the trust and love they have for him- and he realizes that he deserves better! he deserves better for himself than to drink alone and spit venomous insults at his reflection. sure, he still drinks before noon and insults the crew-- but he also teaches stede new pirating skills, helps lucius out of his own traumatic funk, navigates the new ship dynamic as best he can. the insults are still there but there's no longer poisonous intent behind them. (the poison replaced with positivity)

the amount of grace and emotional maturity izzy is displaying in later episodes is incredible, considering what storms he's just weathered. his effort is admirable, especially towards ed and stede. he has every right to hate the two of them, to disavow them and leave the Revenge, but he doesn't. Instead, he takes time to reclaim parts of himself that were long hidden or never developed at all. chrissake, he lets himself be tender! he lets wee john help him with his makeup, sings a lilting love song to the crew, openly admits to stede that he loves ed, supports stede on the republic of pirates, allows himself to be more vulnerable than he's ever been before.

izzy sees now how good ed and stede are for each other, and he congratulates them on their, *ahem*, docking even while harboring his own jealousy and hurt. even if it's a bit of a joke, the sincerity is still there- he's willing to grin and tell stede he balances ed out, the two of them are good for each other. it's not even remotely hinted at, but i'm willing to bet izzy knew what the two of them were doing in the cabin while he was singing his soft and sweet requiem for the love he harbors for ed. and yet he still chooses to be kind and supportive to them both. to himself.

i know this post was a million paces long, but i'm just having so many feelings about izzy hands. and i'm so, so proud of him for admitting to himself that he deserves better, he deserves vulnerability, comfort, support, and the fullness of his identity as a queer person. it's a major change this season (one i honestly did not expect!), but one i love love love. great storytelling and great acting. i'm so looking forward to the future of izzy's character development.

TLDR: izzy's commitment to doing better for himself and others makes me emotional. i'm incredibly proud of him for trying to do/be better each passing moment.

#okay i promise i'm done #for now #izzy hands #israel hands #israel basilica hands #ofmd izzy #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd 2 #our flag means death s2 spoilers #our flag means death spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd #our flag means gay sex #con oneill the man that you are

21 notes · View notes

ourloveisforthelovely · 1 year

Text

Pain Part 4 (Finale)

Regulus Black AU

Summary: Losing everything that makes life worth living is the worst thing that can possibly happen. Is it possible to gain some of it back or is everything truly lost forever? Regulus’ life falls apart after losing his family. Moving on isn’t possible. Living each day is a curse, not a blessing. Sirius finally steps in to fix the problem but will Regulus and the reader be receptive?

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Death, angst

Link to Part 3

Song at the beginning: “Sound of your heart” by Shawn Hook

_______

Baby, I'm in love with you, Oh, and I'm missing the sound of your heart beating. Baby, you were mine to lose. Oh, and I'm missing the sound of your heart beating

The whole journey to New York, Regulus didn’t say a word. He sat looking dead ahead with a cold expression on his face. Sirius had tried to say something a few times only for his brother not to respond. Giving up, Sirius leaned back and left Regulus to his thoughts.

Little did he know, Regulus was internal panic. He was furious with himself. You had come to him. Regulus had been pleading with any deity that would listen to bring you back home to him…where you belonged for three years. You came home and he ordered you to get lost.

What kind of husband am I?

Regulus thought in misery.

She came home to me and I told her that I never wanted to see her again. What the fuck was I thinking? She probably won’t want to see me.

“Reg, she will talk to you. She wouldn’t have come back to England if there wasn’t some love left in there for you.”

Sirius finally said. He had nearly had enough of sitting in awkward silence. Regulus took a breath.

“You didn’t scream at her to get the fuck out and that you never wanted to see her again. That was all me. God damn, I am an idiot. I lost my shit when she mentioned Mila. I’ve been selfish, Sirius. I was only thinking about myself. I didn’t think of how Y/n was feeling. She tried to keep us together after Mila died and I just quit. She begged me to open up and I wouldn’t.”

Sirius frowned. He was trying to think of the right things to say but everything seemed wrong.

“Regulus, again, no one blames you for how you have acted. If it were me and Mila was my daughter I would have fallen apart too. I may not understand your loss from a parent’s perspective but I still grieve my niece. You need to be honest with Y/n. Tell her how you feel. If you love her, tell her. If you aren’t honest then you could lose her forever.”

Regulus only nodded. For once, Sirius was right. Regulus did need to tell you. This time, he couldn’t just let his temper take control.

I have to be strong for her…for her, I will.

(later that day)

You sat on your couch with a glass of wine in hand. It had been one long day! After getting back to New York, you once again decided to throw yourself into your work. The more that you worked then the less time you would have to dwell on your failed meeting with Regulus.

“I don’t want your fucking help! You’re nothing to me! The day I signed those goddamn divorce papers that you wanted so much…you stopped being anything to me. Now get the fuck out. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

Your heart ached thinking of Regulus’ cold words. While you didn’t expect him to welcome you back with open arms, you had expected him to be more receptive. You had “hoped” that the three years that had passed would open him to more dialogue about life after Mila’s death. Clearly, that wasn’t the case. Regulus seemed as unhinged and devastated as he did at the moment Mila died in his arms.

Lying back on the couch, you once again mentally chastised yourself for asking for the divorce.

If I was any kind of a wife, I would never have left him.

You thought before shoving the thought from your mind. As you had told Regulus, there was no right way to grieve. You were grieving as badly as Regulus was. Instead of coming closer together the two of you fell closer apart…

A knock on the door interrupted your thoughts. You stood up and moved to put your wine glass in the sink before going to the door. From the best of your memory, you weren’t expecting anyone. None of your new friends had mentioned dropping by. Most of them were out of town on a skiing trip.

“I’m coming.”

You called, running a hand through your messy hair before reaching for your front door. The moment the door opened, you were extremely shocked to see Regulus on the other side. You felt your mouth fall open for a moment as you locked eyes with your husband… ex-husband…whatever…

“Regulus, what are you doing here?”

I managed to get out. Regulus pressed his lips together before taking a deep breath.

“I had to talk to you. I couldn’t let you go again…can we talk?”

You moved aside to let Regulus inside. Never in a million years, did you expect him to come after you. You actually expected to never see or hear from Regulus again.

And just like that, he’s here.

You thought before leading Regulus into the living room.

“Did you come alone?”

You asked, softly. Regulus shook his head. He had ditched Sirius at a hotel. Regulus didn’t care what plans Sirius had. All of Regulus’ focus was on you and you alone.

“No, Sirius is at a hotel. Y/n, I am so sorry about how I talked to you. You didn’t deserve any of that. You came back with good intentions and I was a dick.”

“Reggie, I…”

Regulus held up a hand. He looked at you with pleading eyes as if begging you to hear him out. You sat down across from Regulus with a gentle expression on your face.

“Let me finish, please. I don’t think I will be able to get this out if I don’t say it all now. Y/n, I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for leaving. You needed me and I wasn’t there for you. After Mila died, I felt like my life was over. I wanted to die right along with her but I couldn’t…I had you. You and I still have a life. I never should have signed those divorce papers. I didn’t want to be without you then and I don’t want to now.”

You felt the tears begin to well in your eyes.

“Can we make it work? We’ve both changed…I can’t go through another divorce again. I’ve lost you once and the thought of losing you a second time…I just can’t…”

Regulus reached out and took your hand in his. You swallowed seeing that he still wore his wedding ring. Regulus stroked his finger over your engagement and wedding ring.

“I will do everything that I can to ever stop that from happening. As you said, Mila wouldn’t want us to be apart.”

Regulus waited a moment before moving to kneel in front of you. His grey eyes were hype focused on your face looking for any sign of displeasure or distrust. Regulus was thankful to see none. He knew that you were trying not to cry. You were trying to be brave but your resolve was fading.

Reaching up he gently brushed a stray tear away from your cheek before taking your hand back in his.

“Y/n, I loved you from the moment that I saw you. I know you always thought that was foolish teenage boy talk but it's true. Please don’t make me be alone again. The last three years without you have been hell.”

You swallowed back a sob before sliding down onto Regulus’ lap.

“I love you too. I’ve never stopped.”

That was all that Regulus needed. He leaned forward to capture your lips in a soft sweet kiss. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you moved to deepen the kiss. Placing a leg on either side of Regulus’ body you gently sucked at his bottom lip.

“I need you, Reggie.”

A small smile played at the corner of his lips.

“I need you more.”

He moved to lift you into his arms as you glanced over his shoulder.

“My bedroom is over there.”

Regulus chuckled, nuzzling his face to yours.

“Oh, I would find it or we would just make love on the floor…it wouldn’t be the first time.”

Once in the bedroom, you stood with your face tucked under Regulus’ chin gently kissing his neck.

“I love you.”

You murmured, enjoying each kiss pressed to his creamy skin. Regulus’ eyes were closed while he breathed slowly.

“Love you more.”

Regulus replied before tilting your face back to his. Grey eyes looked into yours for a brief moment before Regulus thrust his tongue into your mouth. Your heart fluttered as you couldn’t believe the actuality of this moment. Regulus wanted you. He wanted you as badly as you wanted him.

As your hands moved to unbutton his shirt, Regulus hand’s shot up to grab yours.

“Wait, before we go any further, please be my wife again? I know that we aren’t exactly who we were 3 years ago but we can learn. We can make it work.”

You stood on your tiptoes to wrap yourself back around his neck. Regulus was right. Both of you had changed but parts of you were still the same. The night Mila died parts of both of you died right along with her but other parts of both of you lived. The parts that lived needed the other.

“I’ll always be your wife. Our hearts understand each other…We did then and we still will now.”

_______

@amelie-black @georgeweasleydumbhoe @jessyballet @knreidy1 @justfinishthis @acciosiriusblack @siriuslyceleste @coffeeaddictednymph @stelleduarte @millies0bsimp @fific7 @rogue-nyx88 @readtomeregulus @starsval @daddyslittlevillain @panpride @saramaple @f4iryluvy @s-we-e-t-t-ea @i-love-scott-mccall @taylor-will-be-the-death-of-me @missgorldafirst @buttercup-beeee @padf00ts-l0ver @goldensunshineshit @haroldpotterson @aurorasnape12 @mentally-unstable-hoe @quinis @lostarc24 @un-lovesherself @gugggu6gvai @jag9000 @yousmellllikecaca @play-morezeppelin @ravenhood2792 @bennyberry @mimisparkle12 @teletubiswszpilkach @rubyroscoe1 @ad-astra-again @criminalyetminimal @lucasfilms77 @spideyxalmighty @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @moldy-old-boot @hankypranky @summer-novak @shaylybaby2032 @knight-of-gleefulness @tas898 @li0nh34rt @melaninnbarbie @untoldshortsofthefandoms @wontlookaway @fific7 @mycuddlycorner @shitfaceddaniel-blog @emiwrites3reads @deanwherescas

61 notes · View notes

eviesaurusrex · 2 years

Text

Harry Styles x Singer!Reader

Faceclaim: Marina Diamandis

author’s note: pt. 2 is here, wuh! theoceanismyhome is the reader‘s secret instagram account, while haroldundercover is Harry’s super secret ig account! re-upload because of my stupidity

pt. 1

;

harrystyles Something new is rising at the horizon x H.

Liked by yourinstagram, gemmastyles, mitchrowland and 1,769,325 others | 36,241 comments

hsfan1 🥰❤️

hsfan2 I’m already so excited!!!

mitchrowland Excited to see where this is going!

liked by harrystyles and 290 others

yourinstagram ♥️

liked by yourfan1, hsfan1, harrystyles and 863 others

↳ hsfan3 Have I missed something? 😦

↳ hsfan4 asking the same question

↳ yourfan1 manifesting right now 🕯

↳ harrystyles ❤️

liked by yourinstagram, ynandharry, hsfan2 and 1,112 others

↳ ynandharry dying.

jefezoff I’m really proud of you, Harry.

gemmastyles 🤯❤️

annetwist Seeing you do what you love fills me with so much pride and joy x

liked by gemmastyles, harrystyles, hsfan3 and 54 others

yourinstagram Remember to treat yourself, especially in troubling times like those we are currently facing as humanity, as one. Surround yourself with the things and hobbies you love and what makes you feel safe and warm and happy. Take care of your mental health, reduce the amount of news you consume (because let’s face the truth: it’s depressing every single time), and try to connect with people. Play multiplayer games (that’s what I’m doing), call your best friend, have watch parties, wave each other over the garden fence with enough distance. Try anything and everything to get through this hard and devastating time - everything is valid if it helps you to stay sane.

I love you, people. We will see each other again. Take care and stay safe x

Liked by selenagomez, harrystyles, yourfan1, yourfan2, niallhoran and 999,211 others | 107,682 comments

yourinstagram But please, don’t adopt pets if you know you won’t provide for them after this mess is over, thank you.

liked by taylorswift, niallhoran, yourfan3 and 4,564 others

↳ yourfan1 amen to that

↳ yourfan2 i already fear the post-covid situation in the shelters 🥺

liked by yourinstagram and 3 others

↳ yourinstagram I am currently in contact with a few resources and organizations over that matter! As soon as I have more details, I will let you know and how every single one of us can help x

liked by yourfan1, yourfan2, annetwist and 232 others

↳ yourfan2 YN!!!!! 😍 You seriously are the best human being on this planet.

niallhoran “Calling your best friend” sounds like a great pastime

↳ yourinstagram Do you try to hint that I should call? 😛

↳ niallhoran Well, if you’re asking so nicely already… 😇

↳ 1d4ever i lowkey love their friendship.

taylorswift Beautifully said, YNN 💜

↳ yourinstagram ♥️

harrystyles Beautiful flowers x

↳ yourinstagram They really are. Still need to text someone a huge Thank you ☺️

liked by harrystyles, hsfan1 and 554 others

↳ hsfan1 i’m sensing something

↳ hsfan2 your harrytingles are activated as well???

↳ yourfan3 My theory: Harry sent them to her.

liked by yourinstagram

↳ hsfan3 I’m 99,9% convinced precisely that happened.

↳ yourfan3 😱🤯

yourfan4 Take care, YN! And stay safe!

hsfan4 Which games do you play? 😍

↳ yourinstagram Animal Crossing came out. Does that answer your question? Do you need a screenshot of my already invested hours? (which wouldn’t be a good thing because I’m practically living in my Switch) 😅

liked by hsfan4, yourfan1, niallhoran and 323 others

↳ hsfan4 It totally does, thank you so much for telling me/us 🥹😍 And don’t worry, you’re not alone! :D

liked by yourinstagram and 9 others

etcanada We had the pleasure to talk with Harry Styles about his album Fine Line, his next steps as a singer and songwriter, and his personal life and where it will lead him.

This clip is only a short insight into our interview and shows Harry’s reaction to our interviewer’s question, “Is there a special someone in your life? Did Harry Styles finally find his well-deserved match?” He may have said “No”, but we never saw him happier, so maybe there is something developing he just wants to keep to himself for a little while longer. Either way, we wish him only the best.

Click on the link in our bio to watch/read the full interview with Harry Styles!

Liked by hsfan1, hsfan2, ynandharry, yourfan1 and 44,671 others | 29,346 comments

hsfan1 You can’t tell me that there is nothing going on 👀

↳ hsfan2 true, right?! Look at him! He couldn’t contain the happy laugh after that suspicious “No” after the even more suspicious pause between question and answer! And the grin and his head shake just scream “I am in a happy relationship, and I almost can’t stop myself from blurting it out!” 🥰

↳ hsfan1 this. 100%! and i am bloody here for it!

hsfan3 🕯manifesting more happy Harry interviews🕯

↳ yourfan1 I think we’ll get more 👀

ynandharry His “No” was almost believable. ALMOST! If he hadn’t laughed as he did after that, I could have been tempted to think they were only at the beginning of dating. But this… well well well ❤️

yourfan2 I don’t want to interrupt anything or destroy our corner of the internet or burn it in its entirety, but that’s YN’s bathrobe 👉🏻👈🏻

↳ yourfan3 OH MYYYYYYY IT IIIIIIIIIIS!!!!

↳ hsfan2 wait what?!

↳ hsfan3 You sure????

↳ yourfan2 totally. If you skip to the 2:54 time stamp, he raises his left arm, and there is a rainbow patch near the edge of the sleeve. YN patched it herself after Jupiter, one of her cats, had ripped the fabric 🥹

↳ hsfan3 🤯🤯🤯

↳ hsfan2 So they’re together, and she does social distancing at his, or he does sd at hers; either way, I AM SOBBING 😭❤️

↳ ynandharry i never was happier 🥹

yourinstagram You know what this means.

Liked by harrystyles, yourfan1, niallhoran, selenagomez, yourfan2 and 463,001 others | 49,739 comments

yourfan1 this could easily be your album cover

↳ yourfan2 it could! Lowkey want it to be that picture

niallhoran Whatever your brilliant mind will bring into your notebook, it will be art in its purest form.

liked by yourinstagram, selenagomez, yourfan1 and 5,878 others

↳ yourinstagram Niall 🥺♥️

↳ selenagomez It’s only the truth 💜

hsfan1 The room looks so cozy!

hsfan2 Harry liked her post 😩❤️

harrystyles A brilliant artist in her element x

liked by ynandharry, hsfan3, yourfan4 and 9,708 others

↳ hsfan3 Yeah, you can’t tell me they’re not a thing.

↳ yourfan3 I just thought the same

↳ yourinstagram Those words from you mean so much to me 🥹

liked by harrystyles, yourfan1, hsfan1, selenagomez and 444 others

↳ yourfan4 She really is brilliant. One of the best musicians we have on this planet! 🥰

theoceanismyhome I’m not quite sure what he is doing up there, but it looks like fun. Maybe I should join him - after I enjoyed the minty drink, he brought from this ominous “outside”.

Liked by selenagomez, taylorswift, niallhoran and 6 others | 7 comments

taylorswift So… We learn about your relationship and boyfriend over social media. Interesting.

↳ selenagomez I feel so appreciated - not 🥲

↳ theoceanismyhome NO! I AM SORRY! I didn’t mean to 😦😭

↳ selenagomez Mhmmm…? 👀

↳ taylorswift I feel so much betrayal

↳ theoceanismyhome I just forgot about it because I see him every day and I forgot that we barely see each other and I’m so used to telling you amazing, new things in person and I am so sorry

↳ taylorswift We’re just kidding, lovely ❤️

↳ selenagomez Yep, because we already knew something was going on 😇

niallhoran Someone looks at home 😁

↳ theoceanismyhome I’m really happy that he does. Was kinda worried 👉🏻👈🏻

↳ niallhoran Unnecessary. Your house is the epitome of feeling at home, not to mention you and your character 😙

liked by theoceanismyhome

selenagomez Can’t believe you two played UNO and are still alive + on good terms.

↳ haroldundercover We actually had a lot of fun x

↳ theoceanismyhome There may or may not have been alcohol involved.

liked by niallhoran, selenagomez and haroldundercover

↳ haroldundercover And maybe it wasn’t normal UNO…

↳ theoceanismyhome … but a more adult version of it.

liked by selenagomez

↳ selenagomez You dirty little minds 👀🤭

liked by theoceanismyhome and haroldundercover

haroldundercover Don’t worry, she knows what she is doing.

I guess.

Liked by pillowpersonpp, mitchrowland, gemmastyles, theoceanismyhome and 8 others | 12 comments

gemmastyles Don’t know how you got yourself such a stunning woman, hi

↳ haroldundercover Excuse me? ☹️

↳ gemmastyles 🫣🤷🏽‍♀️

↳ annetwist Stop teasing your brother, Gem ☝🏼

↳ haroldundercover I am stunning too! … Well, not as stunning as she is, obviously.

↳ theoceanismyhome I’m following you. I can read that 👉🏻👈🏻♥️

↳ haroldundercover That’s the purpose of me writing this down, darling ❤️

↳ gemmastyles Awwwww 🥹

mitchrowland A funny and strange thought, I know, but you could help her instead of taking pictures? 🥸

↳ theoceanismyhome I specifically told him to sit on the couch (and look pretty) (kidding)

↳ mitchrowland Aaaah, I see 👀

↳ theoceanismyhome and hiii. Huge fan 👉🏻👈🏻

↳ pillowpersonpp You made him blush 🤭

liked by mitchrowland, haroldundercover and theoceanismyhome

pillowpersonpp We finally see that secret girlfriend of yours 🤭

↳ haroldundercover She wasn’t particularly a secret girlfriend… A lot of people just didn’t know about it/us/her…? 😶

↳ pillowpersonpp Did you not tell it on purpose?

↳ haroldundercover Maybe…?

↳ pillowpersonpp Secret girlfriend, then 💁🏽‍♀️

theoceanismyhome I definitely knew what I was doing!

↳ haroldundercover Of course you did, darling ❤️

↳ theoceanismyhome 🤭😊

annetwist As soon as the world isn’t upside down anymore, you need to bring her home, Harry.

↳ gemmastyles I mean, we already met her via FaceTime, but I want to hug my new sister!

↳ haroldundercover Will do x

eonline Harry Styles and YN LN were spotted at a restaurant in Downtown L.A. today! Holding hands, they picked up some food before heading to Harry’s car, where the two lovebirds took off their face masks for an intimate kiss. It seems like the music industry got itself the newest It Couple.

Check out the link in our bio to see more pictures of the new It Couple!

Liked by hsfan1, hsfan2, internetidiot1, yourfan1 and 4,454 others | 3,931 comments

internetidiot1 Not that ugly and stupid b*tch

↳ yourfan1 Go f*ck yourself, idiot, and ignore posts about celebrities you don’t like instead of spreading hate comments.

↳ hsfan1 Fucking hate those morons.

ynandharry My dream came true 🥹

yourfan2 *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

hsfan2 HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE

yourfan3 Look at how they’re holding hands 🥹

↳ hsfan3 Or Harry’s entire body language! He always is close to her, leans his head down to listen to her talk, or checks the parking lot before bringing her to his car. My lil’ protective bean 🤭

↳ yourfan3 truuuuuuuuuue

hsfan4 Did anyone already see the pictures about their kiss?! I mean, I hate how those paparazzi invaded their privacy, but I CANT CONTROL MYSELF I AM SORRY

↳ ynandharry GOING FERAL. The only thought in my brain was “holy guacamoly”

↳ yourfan4 These two just have skyrocketing chemistry, can’t change my mind.

↳ hsfan4 definitely. But you could also see how much he cares for and adores her. How he held her face and leaned down because she is over 20cm shorter and pulled her into him. And ✨his smile✨ during that kiss.

↳ ynandharry These two are the reason why i’ll never find the right one. They put the bar for every single man and possible relationship very high 😩

yourfan5 He is carrying her purse, so she hasn’t to 🥹😭

↳ hsfan5 Our sweet gentleman ❤️

;

Thank you so much for reading. As usual: Comments, reblogs, and likes are much appreciated!

Taglist:

@onecrazydirectioner

234 notes · View notes

hearts4juzi · 4 months

Note

TELL ME LITERALLY ANYTHING ABOUT THE SUN SETS IN UTAH AU I NEED MORE HEARTS ACTUALLY ANYTHING UHHHH UHHHHUHHHH ANYTHING THANKS

TAKING THIS AS AN OPPURTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT OUR STAR LIZZIE!!!

The story is mostly about her, after all.

Elizabeth is WAAAYY closer with evan in this au. At least she becomes closer. When they're young its the same "shed rather be with her dad" business BUT!

When Cassidy moves away elizabeth notices how much it rips evan up (she was literally his only friend) and she kind of. feels a whole lot of sudden sympathy. which is weird for her (LOW EMPATHY AUTISTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and suddenly she's fiercly protective of him. They grow really close but this of course ruins her relationship with Michael. She never held that against him a lot though, she wanted to believe that he was just angry sometimes! he'd get over it! because she didn't really understand how much it affected evan

of course evans mental health was still horrible and his life wasn't going good and, well, things happened between him and mike, some harsh words were exchanged, and they erm. got into a fistfight. that michael won of course, i mean hes much bigger than evan. and that evolved into michael fighting with william and everything escelated way too fast for liz to catch up with and the next day michael was gone without a trace. he stayed missing for a while before william got ahold of jeremy who confirmed he had michael with him.

and liz was DEVASTATED. bc this sucked! her brother just up and left and refused to contact them at all and refused anyone who reached out to him!

But life goes on and she moved on. its not like he was dying right? right? and without mike, she was convinced things would be calmer, so she felt fine to leave for college. Evan didnt feel the same but she assured him itd be fine and left anyways. which nearly came back to bite her but gregory happened and!! whatever!!!

shes happy she loves college but she misses home a lot!! still havent decided why she comes home but she does eventually! and everythings different and confusing and hard to deal with and she really does just dig herself into a hole because she doesnt know where to go. her family is broken and they all seem intent on keeping it that way so shes lost yk?

i reeeaally dont wanna spoil too much about mike's arc because a) its not something i wanna just. drop here and b) i love it very dearly. you know how i am about michael. But I will say she did her best to stop it but she is only one person, so its hard and everythings hard for her but she'll leanr to be okay!!! i believe in her!!!

FUCKING LIZZIE APPRECIATION I LOVE HER SO MUCH

#doodles #tzu asks #the sun sets in utah au

14 notes · View notes

antivanruffles · 11 months

Note

Wylde Flowers, All Three 3's

Fluff #3: "Let's go home." "I'm already home." Tara/Westley

(smut #3 goes with an idea I already had that I may or may not write whoops. Angst #3 needs some thought)

prompt list

__________________________________

It hadn't been all that long ago that Tara was planning another wedding. It was planned to take place in a rose garden in the city, with a long list of guests consisting mainly of work acquaintances and her partner's large family.

The dress had been surprisingly simple, bland almost, but suitable for the setting and something she thought she had wanted. Looking back, she realized how detached she had been. How foreign it had all felt at the time, no matter how much she had tried to convince herself otherwise.

For as much as she claimed she was devastated at the time, the broken engagement truly had been the best thing to ever happen to her. Because no matter how much she tried, she couldn't picture that life anymore. Her life was here, on Fairhaven.

Instead of a rose garden full of people she barely knew, she was standing under the protective trees of the forest, surrounded by her closest friends. The food was simple but delicious. The cake was beautiful. Her dress had been her grandmother's, her bouquet was made up of flowers grown in her own garden, and her groom... her husband, she corrected herself mentally.

He was without a doubt the love of her life.

So many things had changed when she moved to Fairhaven, slowly sliding into place. Meeting Westley had been the final piece of the puzzle, the one she hadn't even realized she'd been missing.

She spied him now, handsome in his forest green tuxedo, and laughing with Amira, Violet, and Giva. After a moment he seemed to sense her staring, because he quietly excused himself from the others before making his way directly to her hiding spot behind a pair of saplings.

Without a word, Westley reached for her hand, lifted it slowly and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, just above her wedding ring. He looked up at her from under his lashes, a distinctly wolfish glint in his eyes that made her stomach flip pleasantly.

"Have you made your rounds?" he asked as he straightened up, twisting his hand to lace their fingers together.

"Yup." She nodded. "All the guests have been greeted and thanked. Food has been tasted and praised. Cake has been eaten and Angus is on duty to save us leftovers."

"So," Westley said slowly. "We shouldn't be missed if we left"

"Not even a little bit." Tara shook her head. "In fact I think Damon is gearing up to get everyone to the bar to keep the reception going. We definitely won't be missed then."

Westley nodded, and offered her an almost shy smile. "Well then, sweetheart, let's go home."

Tara felt something shift inside her chest at his words. Home. The farm was where she lived, and where he would live now too. It was a house they would share, and where they would live their life, but it wasn't home.

Her home was much closer.

She leaned into Westley, wrapped her arms around his waist and tilted her back. He dutifully obeyed her request, craning his neck to kiss her.

They stayed like that for a moment, and she might have been dimly aware of Damon's voice calling for everyone to follow him to the bar for a round on the house.

When she and Westley finally came up for air, the forest was peaceful around them. For the first time in a long time, Tara felt peaceful too.

A slow smile spread across her face.

"I already am home, but you can take me back to the farm if you like."

He laughed and shook his head, a little bemused, but obviously pleased. Once again he obeyed her request, and took her back to the farm. To the house they would share; the life they would build.

Together, as each other's home.

#prompt fills #wylde flowers #tara x westley

29 notes · View notes

jokeringcutio · 4 months

Note

I didn't know if you take asks or not, new to your blog. But I just wanted to ask something about your recent fic the stepdad William, pregnancy one.

(And in no way am I trying to get you to change the story to how you want it to go)

But I was curious, if through everything the reader goes through what would Williams reaction be if she decided to run away. Obviously she won't want to hurt her mom and she might try and reach out to her mother after a bit. But maybe one night it gets to much to see him coddling readers mom about her pregnancy and ignore her around the mom so she decides to skip to a friend's or something that might be far from the house, and makes sure to tell the police about running off so they don't write a missing person report if anyone went to the police about her whereabouts. Just curious about your thoughts on this.

Oh, Anon, that is such a wonderful plotline💜, I hadn't even thought of that.

Also: Welcome to my blog, always feel free to poke me. I enjoy talking to mutuals :)

First things first, My stepdad drabbles are mostly stand-alone snippets. Though some can be seen as following up on each other :3 So I can write any situation I want.

Second of all, yep, two more drabbles are coming up this week that link to the pregnancy one. So strap in👀. And yes, I now desperately want to write your suggestion. But here are some thoughts:

If Reader ran away, * Mom would be devastated.

And let's be honest, William would be too. 👀 So there's that to consider, mentally. I think Reader will be aware of that and knowing you'll hurt your mom, while she is already overly emotional. Well... * Then there's William to consider. Want to upset him? Possibly yes. Though Reader might also be scared of angering him/going against his will. In my mind, even when he is a horrible ass to the Reader, Stepdad William Afton is smitten with Reader in his own way and probably prefers what they have over what he has with the mom. Whether it is purely based on power and control, sexual attraction, or actual love. I like to canon the idea that William would want to keep Reader near.

Ah sweetie... look at that face of Daddy... You're not gonna run away from that? Or are you 👀 MUAHAHAHAH

* If we take William as the man who actually rejoices in the idea of having a kid with Reader, possibly hid her contraceptives in hopes of her falling pregnant, or having some kind of twisted breeding kink... well.... Whatever it is. William will be very angry if Reader leaves. And phew... prepare for that! * Next item on the list, where will you go? Can Reader risk scurrying the streets? Do you have a friend to crash at? But for how long?Practical little details and risks to calculate. Plus, Reader will be pregnant. And though some will have little difficulties while in that state, others will be too tired, too sick, suffering from complications, etc. So you're taking risks here and adding even more stress and worry to your mind. But suppose you leave in an emotional rush, suppose you have that friend to stay at. Then we arrive to the next, and most thrilling part:

* Informing the police. OH YES. If you do this, what will you tell them? Because I can guarantee you, if I write this, they will notice the pregnant tummy. And then? Would you lie and say you got knocked up by a random boy from school/study and your parents are mad about it? [ Shielding Afton's reputation but leaving him wielding power over you?] Or, would you honestly tell them you are carrying your stepdad's child? Because in the latter, think of what kind of effect it will have on him.

[ Risking him being seen as a criminal with possible jail time ahead pending, we can take this as far as we want to, anon. As far as we want >D. In his best case, you can defend that things have been mutual and he just gets to hear to stay away from you.] William's reputation... wow.... The neighborhood finding out your little secret. 👀

So MANY possibilities, Anon, I just afshgafahagh So, to answer a short question long, This is such an interesting angle and I love to hear your opinions on it. I feel tempted to write a scenario where Reader legs it whilst carrying stepdad's child. Think of all the drama and angst that we could have. And then, which way shall we go? Is it just ordinary but pervy stepdad Afton? Or will it be more canonical killer!Afton who is your daddy? I mean, the world is our oyster. Anon :3 Love you. Thank you for interacting and sharing your mind with me.

#anon answered

15 notes · View notes

stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 1 year

Text

Do you know who I respect? Everyone who has an Inquisitor Carver AU. Y'all are neat because like... you get it. You see the potential, you see the tragedy of it, you get so creative with everything, and I am here for it.

Because Carver has such Main Character energy but is constantly overshadowed by everyone in DA2...but then he ends up going through an entire hero's journey as a warden or templar in the background while we as Hawke is just stumble our way into becoming champion. Then he shows up at the end as a warden or is a templar who turns on Meredith to fight with you, like.... baby brother went through some shit and we still don't give him the acknowledgement he deserves.

Carver just wants to be wanted, to be needed. He wants to protect people, to keep everyone he loves safe. He wants to prove his worth and make something of himself, to find fulfillment in his life after spending so much time stagnant. He wants to matter so much, to make a name for himself, and DA2 blocks him at nearly every corner.

Carver doesn't have his own people. We don't know if he has friends or anyone he actually hangs out with outside of Hawke's group. Most of them don't like him or take him seriously. He has a crush on Merrill but he's awkward and she's oblivious so that goes no where.

Even before DA2, Carver's the only Hawke sibling without magic and that was isolating for him. He never felt like he could go out and thrive because it would bring unwanted attention to his family of apostates.

So him becoming the Inquisitor seems like the perfect opportunity for him, right? He gets to make his mark! He gets to be in charge and make important, life changing decisions! He gets his own inner circle of friends!

Except Inquisition is possibly the worst game for him to be the main character of and THAT is the tragic beauty of it.

Because the Inquisitor is the most important person in Thedas but no one outside of the inner circle actually gives a shit about who they are. The Inquisitor as a person isn't important. Hell, the Inquisitor isn't even a person to some. They are a symbol first and foremost. They are the Herald of Andraste and no one cares if they want the title or not, or if they're even the right person for the job! They have the mark, they were touched by Andraste! They fell outta the fade! They don't get a choice, it's forced on them by everyone.

And Carver as the Inquisitor? First of all: "Hey, wait a minute, this isn't the Hawke we ordered! ....Eh, close enough, I guess."

Second, Carver suddenly having a magical glowing mark on his hand that can close fade rifts after spending his entire life as the only Hawke sibling without any magic? Give him some space, he needs to breathe, what do you MEAN HE FELL OUT OF THE FADE--

Third, Carver gets to lead the Inquisition, make important decisions, and have an inner circle.....yet it's absolutely a case of "I'm surrounded by so many people yet I've never felt so alone" because again... Carver's finally important and needed, but so few people actually care about him as a person, how he's actually dealing with all of this. They care more about what they can get out of him.

Fourth, Here Lies the Abyss...... reuniting with Hawke and potentially losing them in the fade...... excuse me while I go SCREAM.

Lastly, Carver is a two-handed warrior who takes great pride in those skills as a warrior.......... y'all remember what happens to the Inquisitor at the end of Trespasser??? In the end, the mark will slowly kill Carver until he loses a hand. Not only will he need to recover physically from that, but emotionally and mentally. He puts so much of his self-worth in those skills that losing a hand and not being able to fight the way he used to would be devastating.

There's just SO MUCH, okay?? Listen:

--Varric has so much dirt on Carver from their days in Kirkwall and he never misses an opportunity to tell an embarrassing story but if you think Varric isn't extra protective?? or that he doesn't go out of his way to check on how Carver's actually doing?? You're wrong and you should feel bad, Varric is here for him.

--Carver and Cullen meeting in the war room for the first time like:

Carver: Oh good, the blasted Knight-Captain from Kirkwall. Cullen: Oh good, Hawke's little brother. Carver&Cullen: WONDERFUL.

but also:

Josephine: How should we handle this situation? Cullen: Punch it. Carver: Agreed. Punch it. Cullen: With swords. Carver&Cullen: PUNCH IT WITH SWORDS!

--Carver canonically had a small crush on Leliana from when they were both in Lothering, now she's one of his advisors... small world.

--A warden Carver meeting Blackwall and immediately being like "...if you're a warden, then why can't I sense the taint in you, hmmm?" whereas a templar Carver would shrug and say, "I don't know anything about the wardens so I believe you, welcome to the Inquisition."

--It doesn't matter who Carver romances, all four choices are hilarious in some way.

Cassandra threatened to kill him and is so Andrastian that she's a potential candidate for Divine but she's also killed a dragon and that's pretty hot; The Iron Bull shows up in Carver's room like "I've noticed the flirting, you want to ride the bull" but Carver keeps insisting he's a top; Josephine is so pretty and shiny and kind but boy it's like trying to ask Merrill out all over again, he's awkward and she's oblivious; Dorian's a mage from Tevinter and Carver can already hear Gamlen's voice in his head saying, "A mage? You're just like your mother."

--Carver: I knew an elven slave from Tevinter. He was a friend of my siblings. Dorian: Oh? Carver: He used to fist magisters to death. Dorian: ... Carver: It was pretty neat.

And all of that is just scratching the surface.

There's so much fun and tragedy to be had with Carver as Inquisitor. I love and hate it, and I want more. Y'all keep making it, I'm rooting for you.

#carver hawke #dragon age 2 #dragon age inquisition #da2 #dai #i love carver so much like... that's my boy #and no i don't have an inquisitor carver au. i'm too attached to my inquisitor ash to look at my canon of dai any other way #BUT i am very grateful for everyone who posts/writes inquisitor carver y'all are neat #it's a great au with great potential #also bonus points if the au involves merrill being there and she's carver's love interest because carver/merrill has my heart #i just have a lot of feelings when it comes to carver okay i love him #long post

24 notes · View notes