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i8h0on · 1 month

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is it over now? — yang jungwon

synopsis: after being gone for a year, y/n returns to her hometown, seoul. with the aim of recovering her lover, jungwon, she takes the risk of going to a party with her best friend. is her love lost forever?

genre: angst, literally

warnings: lots of swearing. mentions of alcohol, sex & smoking.

word count: 7.5k

﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹﹒︵

I COMBED MY HAIR for the twentieth time that night, trying to disguise the frizz starting to build up in my long, black hair.

the big white clock on the glittery wall of my small room read 8:30 p.m, and nari, my best friend, hadn't made an appearance at the front door, lacking even her usual honk – a playful annoyance i had come to expect. that only meant one thing: she was too busy swallowing heeseung's mouth to remember to pick me up.

gazing into the mirror, i observed my precarious false eyelashes, a skill i'd mastered over time, now unstable, poised to detach. the subtle pink gloss on my lips was barely distinguishable from the natural color of them, and my blush made me look like i'd been slapped in the face. god, when did i get so bad at makeup?

reminiscing, i once held the title of sephora's most loyal customer, just as i dominated every store that tested my mom's credit card limits. however, that was all before she whisked me across the country. precisely one year ago, i hastily packed everything, boarding the first train to busan – akin to a real refugee. was it foolish? perspectives vary. the optimal choice? perhaps not. regret? not in the slightest.

my mother took me to a small village in the hills, where people didn't live so much with materialistic things and the atmosphere was more conservative. my appearance, in turn, was much lighter and more natural while i lived there. that’s probably why now i couldn’t even use a bronzer without looking stupid. it seemed that all the beauty tricks i had learned from vogue had gone down the drain.

i was too focused on correcting my dark circles with concealer when a sharp, deafening horn blared through the house, causing me to shake completely at the sudden sound and nearly go blind from the concealer that had stuck to my eye. nari, that bastard. she knew what she was doing.

— tell her i'm coming! — i shouted downstairs with no response.

i hurriedly grabbed my bag, put everything i thought i needed into it, put on my coat, took one more look in the mirror and flew out the door.

when i got to the living room, i saw my younger sister, iseul, propped up on the big mint-colored sofa munching on chips and watching "the penthouse" for the twenty-fourth time. this 14-year-old brat never did anything at home.

— could you, hum, for the first time in your life, be useful for something other than finishing off my chips? — i warned her. the youngest just gave me a debauched, childish look.

— you've been back for less than 24 hours and you already want to be the housewife?! relax, sis. — the audacity!

— when mom sees this greasy sofa, i want to see who's going to relax. — i hastily closed the door. i knew very well that my mother would go crazy when she saw it. the chips weren't even hers, dammit.

iseul had always been a cheeky child, but i never thought that a year away would make her any worse. she was impossible to live with, and i hadn't even spent that much time with her since i arrived, but it was enough to find her unbearable.

i ran over to nari's car, the black hyundai was still exactly the same, although it had a few more scratches than usual. nari loved to go on adventures, she was crazy.

i opened the car door and the familiar smell of vanilla filled my nostrils. so many memories in this car, my god. it seems like yesterday that my first drink ended in vomit on these very seats, there's still a little brown stain on them. and that time we ran afoul of the police for attempted trespassing? that was definitely the best, don't ask me why. we were very angry and annoying teenagers, at least under the influence of alcohol.

— y/n, my love, how i've missed you! — nari practically swallowed me up in a tight, cozy hug, and i don't know how she didn't break her back the way she squirmed all over the front seat. i hugged her even tighter, i missed her so much. we talked every day by facetime during the time i was away, but nothing matched having my best friend in the flesh by my side. i had been looking forward to this moment for months.

i met jeong nari in the first year of elementary school, when before she was the best-known girl in the school, she was still the girl that wore glitter elastics and bottle-bottom glasses. she helped me rebuild my sandcastle when a stupid older boy destroyed it with his footsteps, and we've been inseparable ever since. nari was the funniest girl i knew, it was impossible not to burst out laughing when i was next to her. even in the worst, most inconvenient situations, i would piss myself laughing whenever she opened her mouth.

she was the kind of girl who didn't need to make an effort for people to like her, who attracted attention even without any intentions. unlike most of the snobbish girls at my school, who tried to make it to the top by being cheap copies of regina george, nari stood out for being the most generous, fun person ever. she could go to school in a sweatshirt and bobsponge pants and easily still be the prettiest girl there. when you needed her, she was just there. always there. that's why she was so well-known, so loved. she was a ray of sunshine in such a dark city. there wasn't a single day that i didn't admire her, she was the best person ever. the spotlight was always on her face, her gorgeous face. not only was she popular, she was also extremely intelligent, her place at seoul university was already guaranteed. she really had it all, she was everything.

and i... well, you could say i was just... there. unlike jeong, i was the most sociably awkward girl seoul high had. not that i was an 80-year-old who spent her free time reading books in the living room in front of the chimney, not at all. i was just...me. although most of my senior year knew who y/n was, i was mostly known "nari's friend". not that it bothered me at all! i loved going unnoticed, living my life quietly and not having my name on everyone's lips every weekend. that is, with the exception of this one, for obvious reasons. "nari's friend is back in busan after 1 year completely missing" will be in the local papers, if you doubt it.

— i missed you too, girl. — i kissed her on the cheek as i undid the hug, not even remembering that heeseung was watching the intimate moment. — hi to you too, man. — i smiled slightly while we shaked our hands.

— it's good to see you again, y/n. — he said, smiling. lee heeseung was the classic heartthrob from every cliché movie, easily having all the girls in the world at his feet with a wink. the perfect match for nari, literally. i'm not sure how the two of them met, i've only been told that another friend of ours introduced them and since then they've been stuck together with permanent glue. cute. too cute.

i snuggled into the seat, preparing myself for the short journey. we were going to my supposed welcome party, according to nari herself. but in reality, i knew it was just another of jay's weekend parties at his luxurious mansion, and they'd taken the opportunity to stick me there. seriously, there weren't even enough people who knew me to fill a party in a house that size. but i was grateful for the attempt.

i spent the whole trip gossiping with my best friend, and surprisingly heeseung, about my boring and uninteresting life in busan for the whole year. unlike normal teenagers, who used to have the best experiences of their lives when they went to another city or abroad, i had nothing. as always, my life was so boring. the most exciting story i had was when i had to chase a flock of sheep down a mountain and almost died. wow. they couldn't even hide how sorry they were that my year had been so bad, even though nari made hilarious jokes about my misfortune. they also gave me all the updates about our (un)loved classmates, and no chance that yerim from english class was pregnant?! and that miyeong had cheated on her boyfriend with her neighbor?! i swear, my school was definitely not normal. about three hundred rich, snobbish teenagers together in one place, who even thought that would be a good idea? every week there was a new scandal, it was pure chaos.

another ten minutes or so and we arrived at the park house, music blaring from inside. i was always impressed by jay's ability to convince his neighbors, all of whom were just old men who surely went to bed at eight o'clock at night, not to call the police. when i was little, even using my little ukulele in the garage at four in the afternoon caused problems. having money has its advantages, i guess. we all got out of the car after nari parked.

— now, let me look at you properly, girl. — nari picked me up and spun me around like a doll, making me dizzy with so many pirouettes. — oh god, you look so gorgeous!

and look at that ass! have you been exercising, like… mountain climbing? — she joked, making me turn redder than i already was with that ridiculous blush. while she thought i was hot, i thought i was a bit fat, but i would never confess that out loud.

she looked at me like a proud mother, as if i were her baby who had just taken her first steps or said her first word. she was just like that, more dramatic than usual. — seriously y/n, you look more beautiful than ever. — the girl repeated, and if i didn't know better, i'd swear that her teary eyes were real. i didn't understand what all the compliments were about, after all, i didn't look very stunning. i wasn't wearing anything extravagant or attention-grabbing. i was wearing a black mini skirt, which was almost not mini at all, a white corset that was almost crushing my bones, and a black leather jacket. the most basic outfit you could wear for a night out. there must have been at least ten girls in the same outfit as me in there. probably more attractive, but still.

i even tried to dress up a bit more and try to look more attractive, but the sequined dress made me look like a mirrorball, not to mention all the other dresses i tried on and they all made me look like what i did best: pathetic. i just gave up on the idea, preferring to go in a more comfortable way. well, apart from the fact that i wasn't very comfortable. but if i really came the way i wanted, i'd be laughed at. who would wear a minnie sweatshirt to a party? one way or another, as soon as i stepped inside that mansion, i was going to seriously regret my fashion decisions by comparing myself to the other girls, it was something habitual already. i didn't even have to go in, because the dress nari was wearing, which made her look like a real angel, made me regret ever coming. i was just...me, again. at least my clothes were good, but they weren't outstanding, like always.

i breathed heavily as we headed for the door, nervousness taking over my body once again. y/n, it was just a fucking party. a party that, by the way, didn't even focus on me. all i needed to do for the next few hours was smile and pretend that my months away had actually been interesting. as i was the most awkward girl ever, it certainly wasn't going to end well.

heeseung opened the big door, and the music that was already blaring throughout the condominium just blared in my ears, making me almost deaf. i walked down the long corridor with great difficulty, having to apologize every time i took a step for accidentally bumping into someone. for god's sake, there were at least a thousand people there. how could a place full of hormonal teenagers, dripping with sweat and with disgusting alcohol breath, attract anyone? well, i couldn't answer, because i only knew the answer when i was already under the influence of shots of vodka. while the alcohol wasn't injecting itself into my veins, which was when i become a completely different person, i just sat on the sofa, waiting for someone to talk to. i only became sociable under the influence of alcohol, something i started using to try not to be so introverted. needless to say, it went horribly wrong; i even had my stomach pumped. my parents still won't talk about it. fair enough.

i sighed heavily for the thirtieth time inside that house, when we passed the death row and saw someone we knew. it was none other than park sunghoon, one of heeseung's best friends and also one of the best ice skaters in high school. as well as being talented, he was also very attractive, although his jokes were never funny. we hardly ever exchanged a word, only in biology lessons from time to time, when he didn't know what page was in the book. apart from these interactions, i rarely spoke to him, but we had many friends in common.

— nari, heeseung. — the tall boy announced, greeting the two as if they were great partners. i mean, they really were, i just wasn't aware of his sudden closeness to my best friend. he looked at me, as if i were some kind of exotic animal he'd never seen before, and smiled after a while. — y/n, i see you're back. did you like boston?! — he said in a calm voice, barely able to understand his words in all the noise.

— busan, i went to busan. — i said out loud. boston?! for heaven's sake. he looked at me, his pupils more dilated than the milky way. well, at least he hadn't changed one bit. even though i wasn't his friend, all the students at seoul high knew about sunghoon's love for weed. and it was clear to see. he started laughing at himself. — yes, that's it, busan... did you like it?

i forced a smile, trying not to look unpleasant. — you have no idea. — he nodded, even though i was sure he hadn't heard a word i'd said. but it was okay, he seemed too drugged to understand, or drunk. i felt sorry for his stomach. and for him too, the next day he was going to wake up with a head heavier than a stone.

he exchanged a few more words with lee and disappeared like dust into the crowd, leaving the three of us alone again. nari approached me.

— hee and i are going to talk to the basketball team, do you want to come? — i tried my best to understand, the seoul accent not helping my thinking. the basketball team, although good at what they did, were too noisy for my liking. when they weren't disturbing everyone's class with the noise of their balls on the court, they were making a complete mess of the school corridors.

— no thanks sweetie, i'll be fine here. — i lied. no, i wouldn't be fine over there. i hardly knew anyone, not well enough to hang out at a party for a while. i wasn't even planning on drinking that night.

— are you sure?

— yes, don't worry, i'll call you. — i reassured her. did i even have a battery in my phone? i didn't even bother to check it before i left the house, what a responsible daughter i was.

she just smiled at me, probably tired of screaming in my ear, and the couple disappeared. i was completely alone now. i looked around. rihanna's "don't stop the music" was blasting everywhere, while all i could see was people rubbing up against each other. gross. i preferred to leave that pornographic scene and headed for the kitchen. well, at least the kitchen i remembered being in the house. i'd be pretty screwed if he'd changed the rooms.

i was hoping that the situation would ease up a bit in the kitchen, but it was the same, if not worse. people making out, kegs of beer in every corner, drinking games, some questionable attitudes, just another normal night in this house. i headed for the sink, where i hoped to find fresh water, which was all i needed at the moment. i don't know if i needed a glass or a whole barrel of it, but i definitely needed it. i filled a plastic cup, which was certainly covered in sexually transmitted diseases or questionable fluids, with water. i drank it in two seconds, not even realizing how thirsty i was.

i was about to put the second glass in my mouth when someone spoke up next to me.

— y/n. — someone spoke, and i immediately recognized that voice as more annoying than my algebra teacher. it was nishimura ri-ki, my seatmate. the most annoying person on this planet, universe if you ask me.

— in flesh and blood. — i tried to sound as nonchalant as possible with my answer, certainly failing. ri-ki was not only the most annoying person in the world, but also the most chatty. his soul was like that of a gossipy old lady, always talking. if she even said anything at all, it was only to pick on me.

— i can see my daily rest is over. — he said in a tone that was too sarcastic for my liking. i raised an eyebrow.

— i beg your pardon? who spends all their lessons talking about their lego cars instead of paying attention? — i asked, intrigued. he just laughed, something that wasn't very common in our regular conversations.

— that never happened. — he said resolutely. of course, it never happened. just as it never happened that he almost got kicked out of class for painting his fingernails. it definitely never happened.

— yes, ri-ki, that never happened. — he looked at me strangely, i probably looked crazy. his expression softened, and he quickly walked away with a slight smile.

— enjoy the party.

did nishimura ri-ki just smile at me? not to make fun of me, or laugh at my misfortune? boy, things were different around here. very different. i decided not to make a big deal out of it, i just assumed he was drunk too. i leaned against the bar and looked around, anxious for the time to leave.

i was bored, trying to recognize the faces around me, which by the way were all the same, despite slight changes, like how wonyoung was blonde or how jeno had stopped wearing his glasses. strange. i analyzed every corner of the room, remembering everyone who was there. i knew all the details of their lives, but they didn't even know my surname if they were lucky. if i hadn't become friends with nari, i probably wouldn't even be allowed in here…but god must have blessed me, he knew i'd been through enough humiliation. but it was still a bit of a shame. sitting on a balcony completely alone while everyone else seemed to be having the time of their lives wasn't much fun, nor was it new. it happened almost all the time, especially when i didn't have nari to distract me.

i was about to fall asleep leaning against the fridge when something caught my attention. in a far corner was a large group of boys, probably athletes due to the width of their shoulders. just like everyone else in there, they were getting drunk and definitely laughing out loud at something that shouldn't even be funny. it was a huge group, about 15 guys. i watched each one, fully remembering everyone. they were almost all part of jay, sunghoon and heeseung's group, which, by the way, was the most popular in high school. surprise? i don't think so. it was too clichéd, it felt like i was in a cheap version of high school musical. i'd like to believe that i was gabriella, but deep down i know that i was just an extra in other people's lives.

jesus, even that boy who barely opened his mouth, lee sohee, seemed to be integrating very well into that circle of friends. and soobin... hadn't he been transferred? i needed to catch up on the gossip urgently.

nothing was catching my eye apart from the large hickey on one of their necks, which didn't shock me at all, until i laid eyes on one of them.

suddenly, it felt like an electric charge all over my body, every hair standing on end. my heart, which was already heavy, accelerated to its maximum, bringing me close to a heart attack. it was like losing all the strength in my muscles at once, only not collapsing thanks to the support of the wall behind me. my lungs were deprived of air, causing me to gasp within seconds. it wasn't just any teenager, it was him.

his eyes met mine, and i could have sworn that for the tiniest second, the whole house fell silent. as if all the walls had shrunk and were crushing both my body and my soul. it was really him.

yang jungwon.

even in that dark crowd, i could see his features perfectly. my god, he looked exactly the same. perhaps a little darker, but it was still him. completely him. not an evil twin or a trick of my own mind, it was him. beautiful as always. my heart almost leapt out of my mouth when his smile fell as soon as he noticed me, as if i had sucked up all the happiness. well, i technically did. not at that moment, perhaps, but definitely a year ago, when i disappeared without a trace. when i left him hanging outside my house for hours, while i was already in another city. when i didn't answer any more of his messages. when i literally took his pure heart and shattered it into a thousand pieces.

the eye contact, which made me sick, only lasted a few seconds, as he immediately turned to his friends. but it was enough to make my emotions run wild. the regret of being there only tripled, i was about to throw up. all the memories of my actions were turning my stomach, it felt like i'd drunk a whole barrel of beer.

the world was about to collapse, i needed to get out of there urgently. i rushed outside, disoriented by the huge halls. i didn't even care about bumping into people anymore, i wanted them to fuck off. i just needed some fresh air to free my lungs, which were about to explode. i didn't have asthma, but i was faithfully considering a diagnosis. i ran in as clumsily as possible, narrowly escaping a glass of drink falling on me. don't these people have any manners?

when i finally reached a large balcony, it was as if a weight had been lifted off me. fortunately, i was alone. perfect. i sat down on the small purple sofa, crossed my legs and let myself sink into my thoughts. i was about to have a psychotic break.

yang jungwon, literally the love of my life, had pretended that my existence was null and void after a year without any contact. i mean, morally correct, he did more than he should have. if i had been in his position, i wouldn't even have bothered to look at myself. what was i expecting? a kiss and a bunch of flowers? after all the shit i've done? boy, i was really a fool. fool to believe that he would forgive me, if i didn't even believe it. i just talked myself out of it all year so that the guilt would subside. deep down, i knew i was more guilty than a murderer. and for a year, it was really the only thing i felt. something that consumed me every day in an exhausting way, eating me alive. just thinking about every call denied, every message ignored... my heart shrunk like a helpless animal.

i remember that day for the twentieth time.

it was early in the morning and i was clearly upset and fed up with my life. all i wanted to do was disappear, and so i did. no advance warning, nothing... i just vanished like magic into thin air. i tried to make excuses in my head, but there simply weren't any. i was just an idiot.

i was trapped inside my own head when i felt a hand on my shoulder. i flinched, startled by the sudden movement. i was about to punch person when i realized it was nari, great relief bursting from my lips.

— you’re here! i have been looking for you everywhere!

her face, which until then had been laughing, quickly turned into a sad expression when her eyes met mine. damn, was i that ugly for everyone to change their mood when they looked at me?

she sat down on the sofa next to mine, remaining silent for a few moments, with only the muffled sound of pitbull's "she doesn't mind" echoing in the background. i didn’t knew what to say.

— you saw him, didn't you? — those words came out almost as a whisper, as if she was afraid of my answer. i took a long pause.

— yes, i did.

— are you okay? — she asked calmly.

— i’m fine. — i said harshly. i didn't want to talk about it, because i knew i'd end up in tears. i didn’t want to be seen crying all over school on the first day back. actually, i didn't want to expose my feelings, because i knew that once i started, i'd never stop.

she came closer, enveloping me in a warm hug. god, i loved her hugs.

— you know i'm here for you, don't you? for everything. — she said firmly. i admired her so much.

— i know, nari, and i love you for it. but i'm fine, seriously. — she looked at me again. i knew that look. she felt sorry for me, as if i were someone without any hope. well, maybe i was. the hug lasted a few more seconds before i pulled away from her. the warmth of the hug quickly turned cold, the gentle wind giving me goosebumps. i was so focused on the situation that i didn't even notice it was freezing outside.

— he's in the garden. i saw him a few minutes ago. — and with that comment, she stood up and disappeared back into the crowd.

she knew perfectly well what she was doing, torturing me psychologically. she knew how much i wanted to talk to him, and how much i would fight against my will. if my impulses were faster than my neurons, i'd be out of here by now. but i couldn't, i just couldn't. i wanted it, oh god, i wanted it more than anything. but i couldn't. i just sat there, my ass already sore from sitting there for so long.

time passed and passed, and that thought didn't leave me for a second. i tried everything. i tried creating random couples on the dance floor, i tried counting how many blue plastic cups there were in that house... i really did. but it was swallowing me up.

i couldn't stand it any longer and got up.

fuck this shit.

i passed through the disgusting crowd once again, this time like a real hurricane. i was getting used to it. i ran as if my life depended on it, until i reached the garden.

just as my best friend said, there he was. on his back, leaning against one of the pillars of the house's white façade, watching the sky, which was full of stars. he was obsessed with astronomy. even from the back he was handsome. was that even possible?

once again, my heart began to beat excessively. my hands were shaking more and more with every step i took, my legs were weak. the desire to stay and the desire to flee were fighting each other in a brutal way. i needed to do that. i needed to find an end point. seeing my life flash before me, i leaned against his side.

— hi.

my voice came out trembling. i didn't dare look at him, but i could feel his eyes watching me, burning my face like lasers. i waited for an answer, but nothing came out of his mouth, as expected.

he took a packet out of his jeans pocket and took out a cigarette, lighting it in front of me. the act surprised me a little, as the jungwon i knew was the biggest hater of smokers. he was acting as if i wasn't even there. childish, but i couldn't judge him.

— ignorance game, got it. — i said it without thinking twice.

he let the air out of his lungs with extreme ease. the disgusting smell quickly reached my nostrils, making my nose twitch.

— i thought you liked that game. — ouch. the ease with which those words came out of his mouth hit me like a sharp knife. who was that and what had happened to my jungwon?

— i don’t.

— well…— he paused. —…i guess i was wrong.

— you are wrong about many things. — i attacked.

i was expecting a reaction, but all i heard was his laughter. even though i wasn't looking at him, i could picture his dimples perfectly.

— thank god that’s something that we both agree. — i didn't understand his metaphor.

silence quickly filled the garden again.

various things were going through my head, but no words seemed good enough to say out loud. i just wanted to end it once and for all. i turned to him, finally seeing his handsome figure, and then, at the speed of light, i let words slip out. i spoke so fast at that moment that i could easily be considered eminem's daughter.

— look, jungwon im sorry. i never meant to hurt y….

— stop. — his rough voice echoed at a higher volume, cutting off my speech in a harsh manner.

i tried again.

— no, let me apologize, i’m really sorr….

— i don’t need your apology for shit. — oh. he used a curse word. yang rarely used cuss words like that, it was a warning. he was pissed. i was fucked.

— i can explain, please…

— your explanation date has expired. — he just kept cutting off my hopes, one by one.

— please, just hear me! — the desperation was noticeable in my tone.

i was sure that if someone were watching this scene, they'd laugh at me. i was making a fool of myself. i looked like i'd gone back to the age of 5 and was asking my mother for ice cream in the supermarket. how pathetic.

— i’d rather be deaf than listen to your voice again. get the fuck out of here. — he was definitely losing patience. but i couldn't give up. each insult hurt me more.

— no jungwon, please, listen to me just for a second. — i was ready to kneel in front of him and kiss his feet. maybe i'd be stoned in a public square for my sins. i just needed him to listen to me, just once.

— if you dont go i will. — he gave me an ultimatum.

i wasn't going anywhere.

i stood there, about a meter away from him, static. i wasn't going to leave, not again.

realizing that i wasn't going to disappear from his sight, he just shook his head, turned on his heels and headed into the house. the roles were reversed. it would be comical if it weren't tragic.

my blood boiled. why the fuck was he being like this? i could feel the anxiety and fear being filled with anger. i was getting sick of it.

— so, its that? you just run from your problems? — i screamed with all my will, hoping it would reach his ears in the middle of all the noise.

he instantly stopped. it definitely hit him.

i saw his silhouette turn. he approached me slowly, without saying anything. i trembled completely. he seemed to be struggling with his own thoughts.

— who the fuck do you think you are? — it came out almost as a whisper. a gentle breeze that reached me like a hurricane.

i felt my insides squirm.

— excuse me? — i said, not believing it. i felt so tiny next to him.

— you heard what i said. — if looks could kill, i'd already be decomposing.

— who the actual fuck you think you are? do you think you are that important to come to this party wich, by the way, you werent even invited, and just decide that i exist again?

— you always existed to me.

— stop. im sick of your bullshit. — the only one who was sick there was me. i wanted to throw up.

— it’s not bullshit, i swear.

— oh really? thats not what it looked like in the last 12 months. — it was as if i had ripped the entire vocabulary out of my mind with that sentence. i didn't know what to say. i only could utter apologies.

— look, i’m so sorry, i didn’t meant to. i’m so sorry, i shouldn't have done that.

— no, you did the right thing. it made me realize who you really were. they only thing you shouldn’t had did was come back here.

i could feel the tears threatening to come out.

— i was very unhappy with myself, you can't imagine. i had family and addiction problems, all i wanted to do was get away from this place...i was losing my mind.

he laughed evilly.

— and you still have the nerve to accuse me of running away from my problems? i've realized what you are.

— what am i….?

— a fucking psycho. what did you think, hm? that you would come back and i would see you and your pretty face and run away to your arms? no y/n, im sorry to break your little fantasy, but that is not happening. im not doing this again. — he raised his voice, practically screaming at me. i could see how angry he was.

— you have to believe me, i never had the intentions….

— imagine if you had. — he laughed at his own joke. it was driving me crazy.

— i’m being serious jungwon, i never meant to hurt y…

— gosh you are so annoying! — he finally exploded. — for god’s sake! can’t you just take responsability for your actions and stop acting like a twelve years old for a moment in your life? stop trying to find excuses to it, just stop!

— i was stressed, okay?! my life was falling apart, i needed to go! — i was screaming too without even realizing it.

— right, how convenient of you.

fucker.

— you know what? it's not because your life is perfect that others have it too. it's not my fault that i wasn't born into the same world as spoiled rich people like you.

— my life is not perfect. — he shot back.

— oh really? i'm sorry, your life must be really bad for your only concern to be which car you're going to choose for your 18th birthday. i’m really sorry, it must be really hard for you, poor jungwon.

i vividly remember all the moments when i realized that yang and i were from different realities. like when he went to school by private car while i had to wake up every day at 5am to catch the bus, or when his bedroom was twice the size of my entire house. i always felt bad about it, even though he said it wouldn't change anything in our relationship. and it was true. but still, i felt bad everytime i stepped into that house. that seemed to move him. he briefly paused the discussion.

— yea, my life is fucking perfect. my mother died in a car accident three months ago and my family's company is close to bankruptcy. but you're right, my life is perfect.

i froze. i could feel his voice trembling. my god, poor jungwon. he loved his mother more than anything. mrs. yang was the sweetest person i knew, not counting her son. how come i didn't get this news? oh my god.

— i’m so sorry, i didn’t kn….

— that’s exactly your fucking problem! you didn’t knew! you didn’t even care to know! — he was in pain. he had every right to.

— don’t say that, i always cared about you!

— no the fuck you don’t, you only care about yourself. when things don't go your way, you cry like a baby. this is not a fairy tale, y/n!

my fist itched to punch him. he was being so cruel. but was he lying? no. i really was childish. there was nothing i hated more than not having my plans the way i wanted them to be, i lose a neuron every time something goes backfired.

— i’m telling you, i was in trouble. how many times do i have to repeat? — i was getting tired of screaming. my voice was already getting hoarse.

— and that’s how you deal with your shit?! you just run away without thinking about others? wow — he started clapping at me. — how empathetic of you.

— you wouldn’t understand me, i was afraid of telling you…— no i wasn’t. i just simply didn’t want to. i didn’t wanted to bother.

— i was your fucking boyfriend! that’s what we are supposed to do, be there for each other no matter what!

he couldn't get enough.

— i know it, i know you were! — i approached him, hoping to find some forgiveness in his eyes. but nothing, nothing but hatred.

— you’re right, i was there for everything. and if i wasn’t, was because you didn’t wanted me to. now let me ask, y/n. — he paused. — when was the last time that you were there for me?

he asked me the rhetorical question, remaining silent for a few seconds. — ‘cause if i can remember, you left me at my worst.

i had a lump in my throat. i could think of nothing. i couldn't do this for much longer. i was as fragile as a glass vase, about to break at any moment.

— i am so, so sorry. there hasn't been a day when i haven't thought about the shit i've done. please, i'm so sorry…— i grabbed his hand, hoping to find some sign of life in that dead love, some hope. but nothing, absolutely nothing. it was empty.

he stared at me for a few seconds, as if he were studying me. god... those eyes. they were the death of me. i kept stroking his hand, seeking warmth in the midst of his coldness.

for a moment, i could have sworn that something inside him changed, as if he had softened.

i was beginning to believe that his next move would be a kiss because of the way he approached me. i could hear my heart beating as loudly as the jbl speakers at the party. had i succeeded? had this story come to an end?

he let go of my hand.

— well, i hope that haunts you for the rest of your life. i hope it's on your mind every second, minute, hour, month, year, decade. i hope it torments you so much that it drives you insane. i hope you never forgive yourself, just as i don't. ever.

as always, all my expectations were violently snatched away from me by fate.

i was about to fall off the cliff, i mean, to be thrown off it.

— jungwon, it is not that deep. — the words came out of my mouth faster than my mind would let them. like a bucket of cold water, they fell on him like sharp knives.

his eyes filled with tears. i had hit rock bottom.

— not that deep, you said. — his voice broke. — y/n, i i loved you. did you even realize that? — he paused again. i was fighting back tears.

— i loved you with every bone, muscle and cell in my heart. i loved you with all my strength. i loved all your traits, both physical and psychological, even the ones you hated. i loved your fucking sensitive and stubborn personality. i loved your laugh and also the hilarious way you cry. i loved the way you tie your cords and the way you eat cereal in the morning. i loved you drunk, drugged, crying, sleepy and sick. i loved you from the moment i first saw you in the library. i loved you with my whole soul. and all you managed to do was kill that love.

tears rolled down his face like a real ocean, his face was red. even in that state he was the most beautiful boy i had ever seen. i didn't look any different, i had surrendered to my sadness from the moment he said the first three words. it was hurting me so much, more than any physical pain i've ever felt. not even breaking my leg in fourth grade made me cry so much.

— i loved you too, i loved you so much. — i confesed. i used to love him so much.

i still did.

he was the first and only boy i truly loved, with all my heart. he was the first boy i trusted with my body, my trust, my soul. he was the love of my life, but perhaps not the love for my life.

— no, you didn’t. because when you love someone, you don't do shit that hurts them. ever. and that's the only thing you knew how to do. — he was totally sobbing. we were like two children fighting over a toy.

— please, i know i hurted you, let me reward you. we can fix this, we can if we want…— i was so desperate. i couldn't let him go, i just couldn't.

he took a step back. shit.

— that’s the thing, i don’t want to. i never want to have anything to do with you again. i don't want to be near you, to breathe, to talk. i don't even want to exist in the same place as you never again in my life. do you hear me? i will ensure that your existence is as significant as an ant.

i felt like i'd just been hit in the back of the head with a brick. my vision was blurred, i was dizzy, helpless. my make-up was smeared and my hair was tangled.

it felt like my whole life had been sucked out of me.

it wasn't happening, it wasn't. it couldn't be happening. it had to be some kind of prank. the tears came out of me automatically, i almost drowned in them.

— now, do me and everyone in this town a favor and disappear. again.

and with that, he turned his back on me and went into the mansion.

— but i still love you. — i yelled one last time.

he stopped, and turned his head.

— that is your problem.

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aisling-writes · 27 days

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Why the real villain of Chhota Bheem was King Indravarma: A meta-analysis of who he really was.

Alternative Title: An episode where I go nuts and have zero backing behind my essay.

(A note to the readers: This essay does not take into account the existence of the Mighty Little Bheem show. The matter at discussion is purely based on the Chhota Bheem show only.)

Most Indian Children born in the late 2000s can easily recognize the musical ensemble of the theme song of Pogo’s crowned jewel: Chhota Bheem. Eyes were glued to the television and clock ticks were memorised for when the show would start because Chhota Bheem to them was not just an animated show; it was an expression, a memory, a piece of childhood, if you will.

And yet, while watching the show through an “adult” lens, Chhota Bheem leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

Why?

The answer, I personally believe, is of two aspects. One would be the obvious irritation in how King Indravarma ruled the land, and the other is about how Chhota Bheem was a Mary-Sue and how the show perhaps needed to be styled around Kalia, his imperfections and his character arc. (But that’s for another time.)

Let’s focus on the topic at hand: King Indravarma. He was, bluntly put, a stupid King.

Imagine a King as such in the real world. A King who had no strong Military, who constantly relied on a 10-year-old for any trivial matter whether it was an external threat to the kingdom instead of sending out an army, did not invest in new technology for the betterment of his people and used it for personal gain. The list can go on and on.

The argument presented here is that King Indravarma as a villain is not a bad evil person but rather how his aloofness was the one reason his kingdom suffered. Being a “villain” does not always necessitate violence and crude language; all it requires is to bring harm to others. And King Indravarma, indirectly, does that.

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“Stupidity is a more dangerous enemy of the good than malice. Dietrich Bonhoeffer ----------------

On the other hand, we can theorize that King Indravarma was merely “acting” to be stupid and always had ulterior motives behind his every move. This argument is also proven along the way when I dissect his character in this essay.

In fact, this essay reaches a conclusion that King Indravarma was a strategist who was…. stupid. A perfect balance. (But not for Dholakpur.)

I.Outsmarting a kid; getting outsmarted by the world.

When scouring through the deep dark pages of the internet, one question plagued me: How did Chhota Bheem get his powers?

Yes, it’s common knowledge that eating a Laddoo gives him super-human strength but how does he get such a power in the first place? Alas, that’s not an answer that the cartoon canon can answer but it is integral to the next question that follows: How did King Indravarma realize Chhota Bheem had such powers? Maybe he never found out because had he, he definitely would’ve chosen to make all his citizens the perfect citizens. (A strategist, remember?)

It’s natural for any parent to desire the safe protection of their child from the dangers of the world. As seen in Spider-Man, Aunt May chooses to protect the identity of Peter as his alter-ego and would go to any extent for his safe keeping. But why didn’t Bheem’s mother do the same? Why didn’t she hide the powers of Bheem?

Or maybe, she did.

She did try to hide it but somehow it reached the ears of King Indravarma. And King Indravarma strategicallydecided to use it to his advantage.

And I say strategic because, by all rights, Bheem deserved official employment. He worked as a protector of the kingdom more than the soldiers ever did. He could’ve been a member of the royal guards, or a leader of it too. But instead, the king always played along with the HA-HA Bheem- is- just- a- loyal- citizen- who -helps- sometimes card and gave him no remuneration.

This could’ve had two motives: An economic perspective where he didn’t have to pay Bheem for his services and/or a jealous King perspective where he wanted to avoid a 1789 France Bastille-Storming situation. Empowering Bheem and giving him more administrative power on top of the physical power he already had would make him a dangerous weapon. He was already charismatic and loved by the villagers; it would only be a matter of time until they felt that Bheem would be a better leader than the King himself.

The king further added on to this plan by employing some of the most useless soldiers in his army ever therefore making it seem that the King did try to save his kingdom, but it was to no avail. And at some point, he stopped using the soldiers (probably dismissed them, thus saving even more money for his personal gain) and purely relied on Bheem, a kid who he didn’t even have to pay! (And Bheem, being a “kid” did not have the sense of asking for remuneration as well.)[1]

Smart, isn’t he? (King Indravarma, I mean.)

But also, stupid.

By following this method, he made sure that the one key asset that Dholakpur had was revealed to the entire world. He placed the country in danger from threats all the time! (And I truly mean one asset because by its looks Dholakpur had nothing else to offer. The crops often struggled due to pests, the landscape was unappealing to the eyes, it had no tourist’s income etc.) It’s truly surprising how Dholakpur was not already overtaken by some other colonizer or king because all they had to worry about was defeating one kid. Just one kid. (Yes, he’s strong and what not, but Bheem’s got to have some limit?)

II. Economic drain for… what exactly?

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“Th’ abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.” Brutus in Julius Caesar (2.1.19-20) ----------------

In one episode of Chhota Bheem, King Indravarma had no qualms or shame in announcing that the kingdom had no new bicycles for a bicycle race when the neighbouring kingdom had brand new, shiny bicycles and therefore, Bheem and his friends had to manage with the old bicycles. Either the kingdom was not financially stable to accommodate the purchase of such bicycles, or the king lied that the kingdom had no money.

Let’s explore both the views, shall we?

The kingdom being too “broke” to purchase bicycles implies how financially unsecure it is! Perhaps the kingdom was knee-deep in debts or just refused to spend whatever reserves it had on importing foreign goods. Maybe the kingdom had an import substitution policy (similar to what the post-British India followed) but was not able to implement it seeing how the kingdom had an agrarian economy.

Which brings us to the question: How is an economy expected to grow without any investment in additional technology?

The only source of revenue that was noticed were from the fairs conducted, the crops reaped and Tun-Tun Mossi’s Laddoo sale. And as anyone with two eyes can note: It is not enough. The policies followed by King Indravarma were dangerous to Dholakpur in the short-run and long-run. Inflation was just a door’s knock away for the citizens of Dholakpur! People would’ve been forced to lead even more horrendous lives and forced to spend a bucketful of cash but a pocketful of things! (Again, how the kingdom survived is such a mystery.)

On the other hand, maybe the King just wanted to hold all the gold reserves to himself and did not wish to splurge on any investment in technology for the kingdom. Which again proves how he is a stupid strategist because if he wanted more money, the country needs development. More jobs, more employment brings about higher level of income, GDP and better lifestyle. How are the people supposed to pay taxes to the King if he doesn’t provide them enough opportunity to make money for paying the taxes? It would’ve been more understandable if he invested in their advancement first and then participated in red-tapism and what not.

(Idiot.)

The King, in my opinion, is begging for a Marie Antoinette situation by running around in gold chains and necklaces while his people slog and suffer.

III. Diplomacy at its finest. Not.

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To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy. -Will Durant

----------------

The third, and final facet of why King Indravarma was the real villain is perhaps the shortest and the simplest. [2]

There’s no doubt why Dholakpur was often plagued with terrorists and external threats and challenges from other kingdoms than the neighbouring countries: King Indravarma’s tongue.

Instead of rallying allies and forming alliances with other countries, the king often chose to goad other rulers into competitions of which-kingdom-is-better game which is humorous to think because Dholakpur had no additional advantage except …Bheem. The entire fragile ego of Indravarma’s was built on nothing but a nine-year old boy!

The demise of the King’s pride would be swift and sweet the day Bheem decides to move out of the godforsaken kingdom.

Conclusion

“It is unwise to let a man who isn't king sit on a throne for too long.” ― Costanza Casati, Clytemnestra

Thus, I bring this essay to its end. A hyper-fixation of my childhood has now become a piece of media that will forever make me think of this 1600+ word essay that brings no added meaning to this world.

To you, Bheem, I wish that you escape from the clutches of Indravarma’s stupid reign. Perhaps if the King was just evil I could’ve respected him more. Alas, stupidity is a turn-off.

To you, Dholakpur, I wish that you understand that it’s better to have no king than have Indravarma as a king. Rise and revolt, fellow comrades. History would look kindly upon you.

And to you, King Indravarma, thank you for spoiling my favourite cartoon.

Aisling Elle 16.04.2024

[1] A further note to be added is that the king was a frequent enabler of Child Manipulation because he always made it seem that Bheem voluntarily decided to choose to fight for the kingdom and was not requested by the King. [2] This argument is in reference to the cycle competition that the King engages in with Pehelwanpur.

Part 1 of Random Essays

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shoujomangathoughts · 11 months

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Chihayafuru Thoughts - Chihaya and Taichi in Ch. 140-247

This is the next part of this series. I ended up writing mostly from the perspective of Chihaya and how Taichi affects her character arc so I might eventually write another that's more from Taichi's side. There's also spoilers for the entire rest of the series like the title indicates.

After Taichi leaves the club, both he and Chihaya start on new parts of their character arcs. Both have to be independent in their own way; Taichi in finding (or at least identifying) his own reasons to play and enjoyment of karuta, and Chihaya in taking care of the club (after her temporary absence) without Taichi.

Chihaya ends up being afraid of karuta after Taichi leaves, as she tells Mr. Fukusaku after emotionally requesting time off from the club. Her being afraid of karuta is a physical manifestation of her recognizing how her near hyperfixation and passion may have negative consequences, even if that was never the intention. The guilt she feels over never realizing Taichi's feelings and hurting him is intense enough that she starts to see the cards as being completely blacked out, just as he described his own view of them. Ultimately I think this is for Chihaya's benefit because in many ways her goals have changed. She doesn't only want to become queen, she wants the club to continue and thrive after she graduates and has plans to become a teacher. Finding a fine line between passion and being able to effectively communicate with others is a necessary step for Chihaya and her goals, it just so happens the catalyst was a messy situation.

While she's on her break, she eventually goes to the Shiranami Society and after playing Dr. Harada, she vows to remember how "cold and heavy" the cards were and "how painful it all was". I think at this point it's apparent that Chihaya wants to grow in her ability to reach people. There's a couple instances toward the beginning of the series when the Mizusawa members tell her they're fine with her somewhat overbearing nature and airheadedness because those are just parts of her personality. However, now this seems to be something Chihaya herself wants to change, which again makes sense because her goals have expanded and changed. She wants to make sure that she is trying to learn and grow from the situation with Taichi. The placement of a conversation about her future with a teacher (a few chapters earlier) that includes Chihaya being questioned on if she understands how hard it can be to deal with others seems to foreshadow where her character arc will go after Taichi leaves (and also seems to rub salt in her wounds because it's right after he leaves).

At first, when Chihaya tries to lead and encourage the team, it doesn't go well because she doesn't really have the tools to effectively do it. She just wins quickly as per usual, and instead of improving the team's morale, it instead puts some pressure on them to live up to her skill level and makes her feel distant and isolated. After realizing this, she starts to mimic the way Taichi led them, using the very same words that once supported her and playing alongside them, "like Taichi would". I also believe part of the reason she does this is to make it feel like he's still being included; even though he quit, she and the rest of the members (the ones who knew him at least) believe he will always be a part of the team. I think this is why she essentially says that she'll wait as long as it takes for him to come back. She's accepted that he most likely won't play another match with them as a team, but they'll always be connected and she hopes that he'll return.

Retro plays Chihaya in the Mizusawa vs Hokuo match and tells her that she's cold because she "doesn't notice players below her". Despite him taking it back and saying her aiming for people who are 'strong but alone' isn't wrong, between his words and the words of the announcer talking about what makes a strong leader, it's clear that Chihaya agrees with the fact that she's "cold". She thinks of Taichi upon hearing the announcer's words and realizes that she didn't notice (or acknowledge enough) the qualities that he brought and how essential he was to the team's emotional strength. She thinks of him often in this part of the manga and seems to be noticing more and more the things that made Taichi, Taichi and how she often may have taken him for granted because he had simply always been there.

She continues to incorporate things that Taichi used to do when leading the team at nationals, telling Arata she "can feel his presence". When playing against Arata's team, she's so focused on her team that for most of the match she doesn't realize she's playing against Arata, the first time they've played since they were kids. She continues wearing Taichi's headband even after attributing her bad luck in the previous match to it, seeming to indicate she's emotionally supported by his presence and wants to include him. It's only when the dead 'Chiha' is read and she notices Taichi that her unbelievable concentration is broken and she realizes it's Arata she's playing. Taichi more or less lit up the room for her (sorry to be cheesy). After the match, Mizusawa members point out that it's the first time Chihaya immediately falls asleep after playing, as if Taichi simply there is enough for her to relax a bit.

Beyond the fact that she was able to support the team, another moment where I feel like is proof of Chihaya's growth is when she goes after Porky after he loses to Arata in the Class A matches. It's a small interaction, but nice to see. She doesn't say much at first and seems to wait to see if he even wants to talk, and after he starts getting down on himself, she makes sure he hears exactly what her thoughts on his contributions are. She no longer gets mesmerized by players like Arata and Shinobu to the point that she forgets about her teammates until someone gets or updates her. She is now able to be there for her team and uplift them, making sure she actually tells them about how she values them and the work they've put in together. I'd also argue that her going to "answer" Arata is also proof of her realizing that hearing anything in regards to how she feels is better than nothing, something she probably learned from her inability to properly communicate with Taichi.

After the high school tournament, Chihaya does an extensive cleaning of the club room before she retires and is joined by Taichi, his first time back to that room since resigning. This chapter in general is one of my favorites (Desktomu's lines about their time being a treasure he never expected to have always gets me) but this is the first chapter where Taichi and Chihaya's relationship is seen after everything went down. In the club room, there's some awkwardness and it's clear Chihaya isn't quite sure what to say, and Taichi seems to have been trying to say something before being interrupted by the band students. Whether it was an apology or a "don't worry about me" in regards to her being cautious because of his feelings toward her, or something else entirely we don't know, but it seems obvious their relationship may be different moving forward.

When they're at karaoke in the same chapter, Chihaya seems more conscious of Taichi. Her reaction to him genuinely having fun is sweet because I feel as though Chihaya may have been worried that she may never see that side of Taichi again (and another instance of him seeming to light up the room to her). Him helping clean and hanging out with the club members also seems to prove to Chihaya that he valued the time he spent with all of them, even if at one point they were a source of pain. The panels of Chihaya and Taichi back to back signify a couple things to me. They're facing opposite directions, a visual to show how their lives have taken them in different directions; they are no longer on the team together, practicing together, spending as much time together, etc. and yet they still support each other. Sudo even points out later that even though they're not how they once were, they were still inevitably connected to each other.

Chihaya also makes sure to thank Taichi after they watch the tv special and Taichi is able to articulate to Chihaya's mom why now is a good time for Chihaya to attempt becoming queen even though it causes friction with college entrance exams. Based on all the times she thought of Taichi after he left and her realizations of how much he did for her and the team, I feel as though her reiterating "Really, Taichi. Thank you." is more all-encompassing than just her gratitude for helping her mom understand.

After this, we finally get to the part where Taichi comes back to playing karuta outside of his practice with Suou. This excites Chihaya and she is conscious of him many times in both the qualifiers and his matches with Arata to become the challenger ("Chiha helped Taichi? I'm so glad.", "It's fine as long as Taichi can take cards.", "Taichi's eyes told me to not let anyone take the s-sound cards."). It reminds her of the time they played on a team and supported each other and how hard they worked together (she cries when she sees that Taichi wore his Mizusawa shirt when he became the eastern rep). When Taichi loses to Arata, Kana looks at Chihaya and notes she was crying "bitter tears". Some people interpret this as Chihaya hoping Taichi would defeat Arata, even if only subconsciously. While possible, I've always though of it as being specifically because Taichi lost. They've worked hard together over the years, she recently thought that she'd lost her connection to him, and now while she continues on the path to accomplish her dream, she has to leave him behind (at least for this year). It also connects to Harada's line that "the three will become one and two by the end of the day" and now that Chihaya sees that, she can't help but cry. Again, I'm not sure I see it as her secretly hoping Arata would lose, but realizing that Taichi won't be going further with them this year and that breaking her heart.

Once the challenger matches are decided, Taichi and Chihaya don't see each much face to face. The last time we're shown that they do before the queen matches is when they give Taichi a futon for a night. Kana asks Taichi about his feelings for Chihaya and his response is that they may gradually fade. Initially, it's not known whether or not she heard this, but we'll circle back to that. When Chihaya visits a shrine for New Year's, she thinks about what she should ask her friends in regard to preparation for the queen match. When she gets to Taichi, she's at a loss for words and/or we as the audience don't see what answer she comes to. I've seen people say she may have just wanted to ask him to come and support, which based on other events doesn't sound all that unlikely in my opinion. The biggest reason I say this is the scene when she sees Taichi under the Omi Jingu shrine, smiling and praying. He's not actually there, but it does seem like she really wants him to be there. Right after this she thinks of the club praying there in their first year, but it's worth noting she specifically saw only Taichi, smiling in a very similar way as when she told her to become the strongest in the world when she became the challenger (also remember how badly she wanted him to smile previously?).

At the queen match itself, there are many times when she feels Taichi's support, directly and indirectly. Unbeknownst to her, he helped Chitose get her bag to her and his conversation with her seems to be a factor in her watching the matches at the end. Arata also resorts to essentially acting as Taichi to help motivate Chihaya, which to me is an acknowledgement on Arata's part that while he saw her take her first card and played her at her highest concentration, he hasn't been the one directly supporting her all this time (but some may not like that interpretation lol). She also gets flustered upon hearing Taichi texted Arata only to rush back for her phone and feel disappointed she didn’t get one.

I also find it symbolic that Taichi is somehow attached to all three of her victories over Shinobu. Chihaya wins her first game with the 'Tare' card, one that she attaches to him because it was the poem being read in her headphones when Taichi found her in high school. The second win was taken after she realizes "Taichi has always been here", and fully acknowledges all the support she's felt from him, both in the time he directly supported her and the team as well as the indirect support in the lessons and pieces of advice he'd given her. The first time he walks in (during the fourth match), we see Chihaya remember Taichi's line to Kana about the possibility of his feelings eventually fading. This has always intrigued me (at first I didn't even know she'd heard that) because it seems to bother her or make her anxious, meaning she may subconsciously not want them to fade; she seems to be figuring out her own feelings. Afterward, she recalls the vision of him at the shrine, as if him now being there in person answered her own prayer.

The third win is taken when the 'Tachi' card, Taichi's namesake card, is read. She specifically kept this card and once again very noticeably acknowledges his presence when he comes to watch (like I said, he seems to light up the room). After she wins and wakes up, she immediately notices his absence and celebrates after hearing that he's going to continue playing, with his eyes set on becoming Meijin.

Finally, on their graduation day, she once again becomes a bit anxious after hearing that Taichi's plans for college are different that she assumed. When Desktomu uses the phrase "you're just his friend", she seems bothered and has a moment of realization that reminds me of the moment she truly realized Taichi loved her (the panel is from the extra pages in the final volume I believe, placed with flashbacks from throughout the series). Several moments come to her mind, as if asking herself why she wanted him to smile so desperately, why she felt so comforted and supported by his presence, and why she wanted him to be there so bad that she had a vision of him under such a symbolic place. It's then that she seems to fully comprehend that she would in fact interpret her feelings toward him as being romantic (the distorted effect over her in the panel is what reminds me of the moment from Taichi’s confession), and realizes she wants to tell him that. When she talks to him and is assured that they'll see each other again as long as they keep playing, Chihaya's reaction seems to say "that isn't enough anymore". Chihaya's confession is really well done in my opinion, and it uses parts of her character growth well; she's making sure her thoughts and feelings are conveyed properly (in this case even more so considering she heard Taichi say that his feelings may gradually fade).

Another long one and I feel like I didn't even say all I planned to, but thanks for reading if you got to the end!

#chihayafuru #ayase chihaya #mashima taichi #taichi x chihaya #manga

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mustekalan · 2 years

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Going for Baroque:

Yesterday (July 14th, 2022) a fan translation patch for a PSX game titled Baroque- Yuganda Musou has been released; this is a fan translation I was very excited for, because I actually really like the remake of the game, which was released for PS2 and Wii in 2008 and simply titled Baroque. I thought that a great way to get my blog legs back would be to talk about my thoughts as I go through both versions. Now, there are technically four versions of Baroque: the original, on Sega Saturn, released in 1998; an enhanced port for PSX the following year, in 1999; and then the PS2 and Wii versions, both released in 2007 in Japan, and in 2008 in North America. For the duration of this series of posts, I will be playing Plisskin's translation of the PSX version, and the official North American localization of the Wii version. For transparency I'll also say I'm emulating both games; I'll be using DuckStation for the PSX version, and Dolphin for the Wii version. I will be referring to each version henceforth as [the] Original and [the] Remake. For sources, I'll mostly be playing by ear, but I'll also be consulting THE NERVE TOWER, a site that was, for a very long time, the only real resource for English speakers about the original game. I'll do my best to cite NERVE TOWER whenever applicable and appropriate, with hyperlinks. I want to be as thorough as I can when talking about this game (these games?), mostly because I'm a freak who likes doing this. I miss the WEIRDEST things about academia sometimes. Any video I use will of course be hyperlinked rather than embedded directly, so you can just click the link and see where I got the video I want to get a few huge, obvious changes that cover the entirety of the game out of the way first: The biggest things that differentiate Original from Remake are the graphics, the art style, and the fact that Original is played from a first person perspective, whereas Remake is played from a third person perspective. Now, I have seen some people complain about Remake's art style, saying that it doesn't hold the same tension as Original's art style, which is... as realistic as Saturn/PSX graphics were going to get at the time, opting for simplistic 3D geometry, with detailed textures and sprites doing the legwork. Those sprites are in fact, completely gorgeous, please do check out NERVE TOWER and take a look yourself. Meanwhile, Remake opts not only for full 3D, but also adopts somewhat controversially an anime art style. Now, Original's art style did stray into anime territory, I think that's true beyond any doubt, but this is far less noticeable if you don't take a look at the concept; meanwhile, Remake is far more overt in its artistic stylings, which can be seen clear as day in the game's cinematic intro, and which contrasts pretty greatly with the PSX version's intro. Laying my cards on the table here, while I do agree that generally speaking the Original's graphics and art style are much better at conveying horror, I would be lying if I didn't say that Remake's style makes me nostalgic for when I was an edgy teenager discovering anime for the first time Before I wrap up this inagural post I want to share some cool stuff, specifically, art. Video games, as anyone who found this blog is likely to know, are chock full of art; concept art, character art, promotional art, etc etc. Well, after the Baroque remake came out, every year Sting (the game's developer) puts out a special, limited time wallpaper on the remake's website, on May 14th, a reference to an event that happened in Baroque's universe on May 14th, 2032. I missed this year's, which I'm actually really upset about, because this year is ten years until then, and the art is always intresting I want to show off some of these pieces from previous years, though:

#baroque #baroque game #Wii #PS2 #PS1 #Sega Saturn #バロック #バロック歪んだ妄想 #gaming #retro gaming #retro games #obscure games #anime

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newhorizonsxiv · 11 months

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OC Tag Game

Favorite OC: Lyneth is always going to be my main and my babygirl. Her head is fun to be in mostly because she’s an eternal optimist and can put me in a better mood just by trying to see her perspective on a situation.

Oldest OC: The rough idea for the character that eventually became Corafel has been in my head for years before I ever started RPing in any MMO so she’s probably technically the oldest in those terms. In terms of character age that prize goes to my twin bunnies, Alethea and Ren, simply by virtue of Viera having weird aging rules.

Newest OC: Oh hey! It’s the bunny twins again. So new, in fact, that I haven’t yet had a chance to do any RP on them, Someday...

Meanest OC: This is probably a toss up between Ilthus and Shihan. Ilthus is a superficially charming leech who will absolutely use people for as long as they continue to let him but puts on a very likable facade and only ever insults you in a backhanded compliment sort of way. Shihan is giving and honorable and dutiful to a fault but the pressure of that sometimes builds to a breaking point and harsh words spill out which he generally regrets moments later. tldr; Shihan says mean things while his actions are invariably kind, Ilthus does mean things while his tongue drips honey. Ilthus probably wins this one.

Softest OC: Cora. Even moreso than Lyneth and I didn’t even know that was possible but Lyneth at least has that hunter’s edge. She has a little bite. She can and has killed. She knows the rough edges of the world even if she tries to smooth them for as many people as she can. Cora has none of that. She’s still living in a fairytale bubble that has yet to be burst and I don’t think she has it in her to hurt a little ladybug even if it just aggroed onto her.

Most Aloof/Standoffish OC: This title goes to Vachir Kha, my Xaela. He’s not aloof so much as he is painfully shy and afraid of embarrassing himself with his lack of Eorzean cultural knowledge.

Dumbest (Affectionate) OC: Gonna have to go with Susuvi on this one. Because she thinks she knows everything and will share her highly valuable and informed opinions with you about exactly how you should be doing any and everything whether you want her to or not. With the stars and cards to back her up. Or her interpretation of the stars and cards anyroad. Funny how those always seem to agree with her thoughts on any matter, isn’t it?

Dumbest (Derogatory) OC: Oh god, Ilthus. Hands down. This boy. He just. He has no emotional intelligence to speak of. And he does not learn from his mistakes in this regard. Ever.

Smartest OC: Poor Ghislain. He should have been a scholar. Far and away the most book smart of my characters and the most dedicated to seeking out new learning on any topic he can find even as he plays the himbo to further his cover story.

Horniest OC: Ilthus. With Cora as a close second though she’s more prone to schoolgirl crushes than outright lust. Still.. roughly every third thought in the girl’s head involves smooching whichever handsome man she’s currently swooning over. That probably counts.

OC You'd Bang: If I had to pick just one... Shihan. Because he’s pretty. And also like.. the platonic ideal of a service top.

OC You'd Be Best Friends With IRL: Lyneth. For all of the reasons that she’s my favorite and also she can bake. And I can.. enjoy other people’s baking. A lot.

#wanted to do this too #not tagging anyone #just like talking about my blorbos

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borrowedtimeandspace · 2 years

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Sunday Morning Research

12. Borrower

From this list of gt prompts.

AU: Unknown BAU; Sizeshifter!Stan storyline

NOTE: I had a lot of low-hanging fruit I could pluck from with a prompt like borrower. I went for a less obvious take that would give me a chance to gush about an adaptation of The Borrowers that I don't see talked about very often: The BBC mini-series!

If you've never heard of it, it can all be found on Youtube along with its sequel Series The Return of the Borrowers. They're six episodes each and follow the plot of the books pretty closely imho. Not to mention it stars Ian Holm and Penelope Wilton as Pod and Homily-- yes, Bilbo Baggins and Harriet Jones have to deal with all Arrietty's shenanigans, and they kill it! If it wasn't obvious, I highly recommend lol

~~~~~~

"Sta-an, it's on!"

"Coming!" Hastened by his older brother's teasing call, Stan Baker scrambled from the kitchen to the living room. The teen had a notebook tucked under one arm and a bowl of cereal in hand that nearly spilled as he skirted around the couch and plopped down in the middle of his brothers.

"Steady on!" griped Seamus, instinctively holding out an arm to shield his own book from potential milk splashes. "You don't have to rush, you know. We are taping it."

Stan shushed him, sitting forward so he could listen to the telly. The first few seconds of each episode were a recap from the previous one, but sometimes there was something new and Stan didn't want to miss a moment. Not if he could learn something.

Under the soft theme wafting from the television came the title card: The Borrowers.

Stan had always been a fan of the property, ever since he was young. He owned the whole book series and read it through dozens of times before he was quite suddenly able to become only a few inches tall.

Just over a year had passed, and while Stan had a stronger grasp on how to control his shrinking than he did in the beginning, he was no closer to finding answers for why. He was the only one out of his brothers who could do it; the other four had tried, and Stan even attempted to shrink one of them with him once. That one still stung to think about. Nothing about it made sense, and there was very little credible research to follow.

Taking notes on the silly little BBC adaptation of an old book series about tiny people was the closest thing.

Obviously there wasn't much for Stan to glean about changing sizes, but there was plenty he could learn about navigating the world while standing inches high. Stan knew most of the lore about the borrowers themselves from the books, and mostly he took notes on the little details. The materials used for tools, how the tiniest and seemingly most useless things could be adapted, what was safe for them and what wasn't.

Even Stan's brothers paid attention in the hope of learning how to best handle their occasionally tiny youngest brother. Though, they didn't grow up as closely with the books as Stan, so they had plenty of questions for him.

"Are they saying 'human beings' or 'human beans'?" Seamus had asked early on in the series. Stan explained that it was sort of both, and it was like that in the books.

"Is that what we look like to you?" the softspoken second youngest of the Bakers, Levi, wondered as the show went on. Stan had to admit that the camera angles were well chosen to illustrate just how large humans looked to people so small. The special effects, cheap as they were on occasion, did wonders to put the human actors in such a perspective that they seemed to actually be tiny.

Simon and Dylan, the two oldest, suggested on different occasions that they could totally make Stan a rope like the grapples Pod and Arrietty used in the series. "Knot it up, make it nice and safe, should be easy-peasy!" Dylan had insisted. Even so, Stan was reluctant. He couldn't say exactly why. It felt...odd to copy something used by people who were strictly tiny and had no choice but to climb everywhere to reach what they needed.

Fictional people, at that.

Levi was thinking along those lines during the latest episode. He brought it up during a commercial break.

"Do you think they could actually exist?"

He posed the question to the lot of his brothers, and based on their expressions, they'd been wondering the same thing. All eyes eventually turned to Stan, who flushed pink.

"I dunno," he mumbled, staring down at his notes. "Sometimes I think they must do. Or something like them. There's gotta be a reason I can be as small as them."

"A bit smaller, even," Dylan helpfully corrected. "That lot look about six inches high, and you've only just started measuring over three."

"Thanks very much, Dylan," said Stan flatly, giving his next-to-oldest brother a playful kick.

Dylan, the more athletic of the Bakers, snickered and easily blocked the kick with his own foot. "I'm just saying!"

"Whether they do or don't," Simon's gentle voice cut in, drawing the attention of his siblings, "we could all learn a thing or two. They might not be borrowers, but they've certainly put a lot of thought into all this."

Stan smiled as the show came back on. He had to admit that even if he weren't taking notes, he'd be enjoying himself. For all its occasionally cheesy tone, it had a lot of heart and was quite a faithful adaptation to the books. Stan noticed certain lines or scenes almost lifted directly from the page, and plenty more that were new material but never felt out of place. Everyone involved put in the effort to make the characters feel so real.

Stan couldn't ask for better research material.

#gtjuly2022 #gtjuly #Stan Baker #sizeshifter Stan #size shifter stan #the borrowers #the borrowers BBC #the borrowers 1992

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kaytmy · 16 days

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A New Story, from the Southern Highlands

This road trip crystallised some initial thoughts and resonance on craftsmanship, fashion/ food/ design regarded an art form beyond framed displays or craft-store supplied mediums, and appreciating it more fully with writing, reflection or documentations.

The initial interest was piqued in tertiary education - writing "why I liked X" in an Art module; to which I wrote a piece on the music video "Robbers" by The 1975. Circa 3 years later, doing a cross-disciplinary and cross-university module in a Fine Arts collage for one semester where was introduced to Abstract Art and researched on Robert Motherwell; then acrylic paint an impression painting with his technique - which now still hangs on my bedroom wall back in Singapore. Another 2 years later, discovering the master storyteller Niel Gaiman through a literature lecturer in university who was introducing us to book publisher awards and as it turns out, was one of the best discoveries of my student life; rekindling an appreciation for non-fiction books. Starting Mood Work, a wellness e-commerce store - copywriting for my own website, personal branding, a moment of clarity for my designer spirit. Soon joining a local fashion designer where yet again, explored another dimension of art - craftsmanship, quality, creating from inspiration. It was good to know it existed.

Art took a stop for a while. I decided that I won't be doing it for work (where it doesn't pay as well as a corporate job), but I would do it as a hobby - only writing cards, decorating my living spaces, gifting nice presents. As income, work titles and competence became more important to me, art and work wouldn't be held in the same space in my life for the next 3 years.

How long does it take to get over something/ someone? Can you lose a part of yourself? Can you forget a dream?

Becoming a Christian is a lot like moving to a new country, because it gives me a new perspective on culture, and outlook of work i.e. a Singaporean who firsts moves to a foreign country is shocked to discover how many of one's intuitions and practices that she considered common sense and universal are actually particularly Singaporean or personal ones (and are ridiculous to other people). By living in another culture (both geographically in countries, and expanding my view of Freedom and Love in God), I get a vantage point from which I am now cognisant of myself, and as a result I am slowly changing, dropping some attitudes and adopting others.

Freedom and Love is making me see everything in a new light, but it is taking time for me to grasp and incorporate this new information into my life, day to day decisions and pursue a bigger life.

Southern Highlands crystallised this for me: Australia is big on people. At the workplace, team culture where everyone is a contributor and collaboration and new initiatives for improvements are encouraged, you wouldn't go far if you kept your head down. It's not boastful, it's using and offering your talents and time to problem solve.

Cafes support it's local talent when they hire their staff, when they put on a local artist for the playlist streaming in the background, when their chef is skilled with techniques and flavours to cook with ingredients that uses the season's produce (therein the artful mastery like a pianist who is so skilled with their scales, that they can compose any piece thereafter). This reminds me of the skill to live everywhere and always (a continued inner work and teaching). There's effort put into doing the work, marketing the work for advocacy, and support from the community.

Services are charged 13% extra on public holidays - I finally understood and am appreciating how the country instills laws for it's people.

This learning experience may never truly end, but I must remain gentle to myself and spirit as I hold on to faithfulness and continue declaring Truth when fainthearted. The light is winning "Jesus lived the truth of this commandment, and you also are living it [loving others]. For the darkness is disappearing, and the true light is already shining" 1 John 2:8.

So I take heart. Love is an action, all I have to do is trust that patience, kindness and goodness will flow from springs within - for I am not a reservoir, You are an ocean.

Yes, I am changed, and changing still. This transformation will never truly end.

Today I prayed myself into the dream.

It's not blasphemous to say I am made for more.

#kristy

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gabenvrhappened · 10 months

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MoviesOr... American Psycho

Whenever I searched for videos about being successful and types of skincare routines for men, I always came across YouTube montages that used scenes from American Psycho to illustrate the perfect male physique, which made me curious to see what the fuss was all about regarding this iconic movie from the 2000s.

Apart from the obvious title, I had no idea about the storyline of this motion picture, so I decided to watch it without any research since it can be fun watching a movie already well known, not knowing a thing about it; and shocking was my surprise to see that there are men who want to be like Patrick Bateman: a serial killer who is romanticized for his good-looking appearance, his care about image, and his social position. The social critique of the movie still remains strong more than two decades later.

In the story, Christian Bale plays a deranged murderer motivated by status and envy. Even though we can be sure his instincts were always there, it's funny to imagine that the whole mess he put himself into started because of a simple business card. That was only possible, however, because of something that still holds true to this day: white (and male) privilege. More than the debate of whether Patrick (or his actions) is real or not, what struck me as the biggest intention of the movie was to show how men can get away with anything, specially if they're white. Patrick doesn't care who he kills or where he kills because he knows that he won't get caught.

More than just having multiple identities (or using others' identities to keep himself safe), the character that Christian plays - whoever it is, if that's the debate - knows that people won't delve too deeply into his wrongdoings. The detective never got to him, even with many pieces of evidence and many killings inevitably pointing towards Bateman. His lawyer, knowing or not who his real client was, didn't care much about the long frenetic confessions his client made, finding them more enjoyable than dangerous. It became clear to me that everyone would rather say that they talked with Paul Allen in London than admit that something may have gone wrong with him.

To this point is clear that the acting of Christian Bale is suberb and he deserves the credit of being in every video about the perfect men physique. It was cool to see an young, and equally hot, Jared Leto acting here as the reputable Paul Allen, since I thought he only started in this business recently. It was also surprising to see Chloë Sevigny and Reese Witherspoon, as the secretary and the girlfriend of Patrick respectively. The whole casting is great, even with Willian Defoe playing a characther that is too stupid for the role of detective that it plays.

The movie makes us question a lot of things while playing with our perceptions. I'm not here to say that the apartment sale scene isn't odd since it contradicts some of the beliefs that the story was building, but I strongly believe that Patrick is the person Christian Bale is playing, and that he really did all that we saw him doing during these almost two insane hours, and that this wasn't just a fantasy sketched in several pages of a notebook. After all, we saw him killing Paul Allen, and we saw him dropping a chainsaw directly onto one of his victims (I'm sorry, but that was genius and it reminded me of an episode of Game of Thrones that taught us all that if we're a targert running from something, we should be doing that in zig-zag).

I'll definitely come back to this movie a few years from now to have a fresh new perspective on it, which is its strongest asset for me: you want to watch more, not because the movie is too complex to be understood in only one watch, but because it has layers that can make it more and more interesting. It's just too bad that we're in the 20th century and that I can't rent this in the way it was intended: through a videotape. How awesome would it be to come back to the video rental to return this masterpiece and use it as the perfect alibi, huh? Not that I would need one, of course.

#MoviesOrGabeNeverHappened

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talenlee · 1 year

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Game Pile: Volume, and the Hero as Persona

Watch this video on YouTube

And here’s the script:

In 1973, Disney released Robin Hood, a charming and delightful classic of the genre that taught a whole generation the story of Robin Hood and how many of them were gay furries. In this story, we see Robin Hood reimagined by the perspective of the Disney company freshly post-Disney. In this narrative , the act of taxation is a cruel evil. The mindset of this story is one where a dashing hero can steal and redistribute wealth, but only because the current system is doing something wrong with that wealth, heaping it in a big pile that the king can sit on. The king is bad, because he’s a bad king, but kings, well, kings are great. You can see how good things are when a good king appears. Giving up all your money to the state? That’s terrible. Giving it up to the church, though? That’s a good thing.

In 2018, Lionsgate released Robin Hood, a critically panned financial flop of a movie that taught the people who went to see it the story of Robin Hood and how Tim Minchin’s ability to improve work has its limits. In this story, we see Robin Hood reimagined again, where the story wants to talk about wealth inequality, if that wealth is being put to the wrong ends. The mindset of this story is one where wealth and power are bad things because they’re put to work feeding conspiracies. The wealthy aren’t bad because of what they are, some of them are just bad because of their choices about how to spend their money. The real thing to be afraid of, you see, is for rich interests to arrange terrible disasters so they can pull you into an unjust war in the middle east, and oppress white people with militarised police.

In this way, Robin Hood, a timeless story that largely stays the same, reflects the concerns and ideology of the people who tell and retell his story. It can be extremely specific to a particular point in time, or it can be very general, but it will almost always reflect what you think, in your place, and your time, represents a hero, and the things for a hero to fight.

Title card

I’m a massive mark for Mike Bithell games. At the moment I can think of three of his games I’ve played, Thomas Was Alone, The Solitaire Conspiracy and this, Volume, and every one of them is an enduring favourite of mine. I don’t presume to know anything about Bithell as a person, his ideology or his perspective, but what I can say is that when I look at the things Mike Bithell chooses to make his games about, I keep finding things that I like. I don’t find myself wincing or qualifying.

Volume is a stealth game from Bithell studios, which is, as far as I know, just Mike Bithell. It’s a game which casts you as Rob Loxley, in a cyberpunk future where you’re using a piece of corporate programming technology to orchestrate not a military coup, but instead heists on every single high-profile target he can find from the many different cronies and onsiders from Gisborne Industries, who have capitalised on economic disparity to institute a new class-based system in Britain where people are divided into categories based on what their family’s role is in life.

Which

Yeah, that’s pretty much how things go right now.

Anyway, Rob does this with the assistance of a stolen AI, given the reassuring and friendly name Alan. Bithell is really good at writing disarming AI, capable of managing that particular air of ‘a robot made by humans to be approachable to humans, but still definitely a robot,’ and Alan is a really solid version of that character.

Then, you arrange these heists by, well, just doing simulated versions of them. You run around in the levels presented by Alan that are based on real locations and with their real security measures, including the real security robots the real rich people use. The way that the society has become automated by the people with privilege means that they introduce a structural weakness to their own lives, and, well…

They can’t catch us all.

It’s a story under tension, knowing that, at some point, you’re going to be found, the stream is going to stop, and you’re going to be caught. But what’s more, the examples you’re presenting – the people in question are going to see them too. They’re going to have to change their security measures. It’s a call to act, to act now, and in doing that, every one of these targets is going to be panicking and paranoid and stressed and scared. It’s a kind of mass doxing event but for stuff not for people, an absolute salvo of information warfare.

You might not like that this story plays out pretty much exactly how you expect from its premise and even its starting scene. You might not like that, knowing it’s about ROB LOXLEY opposing GUY GISBORNE, that it’s about a cheeky hero who gets away and his band of merry folk that he collects throughout the story. You might not like that it’s basically a stealth puzzler, where you have only one real solution to any puzzle, and that is do stealth at it. You might not like this kind of game, and it’s not going to do anything to change your mind on the kind of game it is.

If you do like this kind of game, this kind of story, this kind of aesthetic, it’s a hundred levels of them, and it does them so well.

There are some genuinely interesting questions at the heart of what Rob’s trying to do here. Born into privilege (as like, let’s face it, if you’re listening to this, you probably are, in a global sense), and without the social contacts to build skills to capitalise on what he’s got in the name of making the world better, Rob is pretty much limited to only being able to immaterially support revolution. He can’t physically hand his money to people – he doesn’t know who to hand it to, and he doesn’t know who he can trust to do that to.

Instead, he basically spends three hours putting together a list.

Here are the people with the money.

Here are their houses.

Here’s what they’ve got.

Here’s how to take it.

This is really interesting to me. It’s interesting because we often think of the internet as being fundamentally limited in the good it can do. You can tell people thing, but how dangerous can any given piece of information be? What can a stream do? Entirely digital objects are very easy to distribute, ideas can fly freely, but what good are they? Are the ideas we share on the internet meaningful, are they as weightless as their instant transmission suggests?

What can you do, once you’ve sent money?

Well, one thing you can do is share useful knowledge – not just spamming it out there, clout hunting while I give untested, unuseful information about how to make a gas mask out of a leftover canteloupe, but actually actionable, useful information and to recognise where I cannot help. Another thing is to make sure that the people around me know that they’re not going to suffer social ill, at least from me, for the crime of opposing evil.

The game is so fundamentally about communication as power that it opens with a statement about how Bithell are happy for you to stream the game – a promise that this information, at least, is welcome to be shared. This may be a bit of a thing but back in 2015, there was a very real lurking threat of companies shutting down streaming of their games. Nintendo were trying to get an angle on things so that people had to sign up for specific Nintendo affiliation, for example. These days it seems that kind of noise has quietened down, but it’s wild to remember that there was a time when they were trying that, and even as I say that, there’s talk about restricting use of major platforms because of who owns them.

This is a game about practice. It’s not a game about being perfect and getting it right the first time – the game doesn’t even have a way of recognising that. Not Volume. If you want to 100% every level and get a cookie for it, the cookie must be self-prepared; the game will check your times and present those on a leaderboard, but there’s no reward for doing things perfectly versus doing them quickly.

When stories talk about Robin Hood, you’ll also see a lot of ways to represent how these stories involve people fooling one another. Picking pockets, emptying caches, blending in during fancy dress balls, and occasionally luring people into a save spot on the road so you can rob them – Robin Hood has a bunch of stuff in his stories about controlling and manipulating tension. For a narrative that almost never uses magic as a fictional construct, they often rely heavily on magic, the real world skill.

In magic, real magic, it’s never about things that look like they were done effortlessly the first time. You never see a trick the first time. You may even hear the magician say this is the first time – but that’s absolutely a lie. Every time, it’s a lie, because they have practiced it, over and over again. Volume gets remarkably hard as it goes on, even as it introduces more toys and tricks for dealing with its difficulty, and the way it keeps this difficulty ramp going and engaging is by making sure you have to practice, practice, practice. And diegetically, that’s what Rob is doing: Rob is showing the audience dozens of different ways that his attempts to steal from Gisburne and his associates don’t work.

It’s beautiful, it’s elegant, and it’s not something you can do in a lot of other games; you couldn’t make a second game about streamers fomenting revolution through streaming how-to-guides on crime. Any game that wants to reiterate on this idea space needs to build itself from the ground up, and there’s something really pleasantly clever about so blatantly using the scaffolding of the Robin Hood archetypes. Once you know that these things are from this space, a lot of the forgiveness is already there.

It wasn’t made to be about the current today, where terrible things that aren’t really AI being used to replace people who are really workers. It wasn’t made with a direct anticipation of a new rise of fascism. It’s a happy coincidence – of a sort – that the ideas Volume has are so important to the now. And a subtheme here is all about how Rob is constructing an identity, a face, that mask, and that then commentators look at what he’s doing and decide how good a job it is.

I love, so much, that one of the first voices you hear in this game describing how little they trust your identity, how you need to be able to project and commentate on who you are in what you do, is a character voiced by a pro wrestler. It’s such a nice little wink to the idea of identity as chosen, as expressed, as demonstrated.

I love this little gem of a stealther. I love its silly on-the-nose naming, I love its explicit connection to streamer culture, I love its Stephanie Stirling cameo, I love its robot guards and its collapsed-together midgame of levels that are, no lies, probably too difficult for me to do fairly. I love Volume and I love the things it tries to show you

So that you can learn about the value of showing, and sharing, and playing.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#GamePile #Games

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shawnjacksonsbs · 1 year

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"Negative Nancy finds his way out!"

"Negative Nancy for the win?"

You pick the title that best suits.

'Cause I'm still better than I was before I started. 11-19-22

"Minimize unnecessary risks. All actions have consequences. Thinking realistically will help us determine what those consequences could be. This is particularly important when our actions affect others. The old motto, “expect the best but plan for the worst,” has merit. By thinking that way we minimize unnecessary risks. It gives us a goal, with a plan to reach it. Here’s the good news: You & I need a sense of hope in order to succeed. Here’s the bad news: Hope is not a strategy. Show us what needs to be changed. People who rely solely on hope for their success, rarely make change a high priority. If we only have hope, we imply that success is out of our hands. It’s a matter of luck and chance—so why bother changing. There’s nothing like reality staring us in the face, to help us see what needs to be changed. Change alone doesn’t bring growth, but we cannot have growth without change." - J.D.

You’re not a prisoner of your circumstances. You’re a prisoner to your interpretations - of your circumstances. (Paraphrased that bit, but for good reason)

Our interpretation of life will always lean one direction or the other based on our reflection and presentation.

Negative Nancy agrees that being real isn't being negative, and frequently, it does offer hope for more optimistic futures.

I have a couple of colleagues that used to call me "Negative Nancy" when I was being realistic. I brought experience in certain areas that I've lived, seen, or been involved with in the past, like wording on contracts, drawings, proposals, credit card processing paperwork, etc, and in the field to the table as real. Holding out for things in our scope, I felt was necessary and definitely not negative.

A couple of times things bit us in the ass because we didn't have safe guards in place. It happens. We made it through, but . . .

Those things didn't happen because of my "negative" perspective. They are real things that can happen any day to any person.

Being real.

Being real isn't optimistic or pessimistic by nature. The way we share our perspective can be. I believe that's on us.

I still find for the most part that my life, my inner "me" stays content and grateful over all. I still have bouts of frustration and/or worry, but they are limited in size, quality of life, and length of time.

2 big things on my heart as of late;

One is my business succeeding, which I'm hopeful is going to do better than just being "ok".

And two, limited funds for the holidays, because of the heavy financial hit I've taken between the "fire/move" and being forced out of the old job, and starting up this new one.

Granted, I know all the things we tell ourselves, and others; "It's the thought that counts", "We just want you there", etc, etc.

All of which are true, and I know this, but it still stings a bit if, and when, you can't provide the things you had in mind. . .

My point is that I know it's going to be ok.

Absolutely know it!

I'm still going to present my mindset in the same light as I always do, - I am grateful for everything and every person in my life, and that I still GET to live . . .a far better life than I will ever believe I deserve to be.

I don't share enough about hope in my writing anymore. I sure used to.

Did I become complacent in how I know in my heart things will always work out?

Even though I believe the universe reciprocates kindness and gratitude doesn't mean that hope doesn't still play a huge role in it. Huge!

I think . . . .

As long as I'm not relying just on hope, like he said in the quote.

I have to be part of the hope process, part of the change.

Realizing that my company won't succeed without fences installed which doesn't happen unless I dig the holes IS putting effort into my hope process.

Right?

My holiday situation isn't much different. How and what I choose to focus on, will rule the day.

Doing my best to make sure others feel loved is the goal right? I can do that with my eyes closed.

Things are just stuff unless they are filled with love. I probably can't eliminate stress completely from the holiday season, but I bet a $100 right now, that the only disappointment I will feel after, is from it being over.

A true metric for success is what??

You tell me, because I already feel successful. I almost always feel successful.

It's all in the approach I suppose. It's helps me find my way out almost every, single, time.

Remember to share your love and your laughter with the world around you.

Be kind, or at least civil when dealing with, well, with anyone really.

And know that hope isn't evil or fake. It helps us to hold on long enough to feel . . .better(?) . . .Or get to the other side of -whatever-, to a place that we know will get better. Take part in the process though.

If you are fortunate enough to be surrounded by loved ones this Thanksgiving, please realize the "fortune" you have, not everyone is so lucky.

It's time to start saying "Happy Holidays" again. Almost time to wake up the grandkids to start the day.

Until next week;

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed." - Booker T. Washington

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doppelnatur · 3 years

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I know i rarely post anything i make like for uni or whatever but! I have like 50 of these so if you want one you can dm me or whatever!

[ID: a photo of the cover of the magazine i made about Karl Heinrich Ulrichs END ID]

Karl Heinrich Ulrichs was a pioneer of queer activism, using her position as a lawyer to fight for the legal rights of all queer people in Germany with a focus on people who were perceived as men at the time and marginalized for their attraction to people of their same sex.

[ID: a photo of pages 18 and 19 of the magazine. The painting "The birth of Venus" is behind a text that's hard to read on the photo about her activism and coining of terms END ID]

She was also someone who would in today's terms probably identify as transgender and did not only limit herself to legal advocacy but tried addressing the social prejudices of her time, becoming one of the first sexologists and doing sociological research on the identities of her contemporary queer comrades who wrote to her about their experiences of identity, gender and attraction.

[ID: pages 26 and 27, the title is Novum, there's a colored picture of a post card made in promotion of the 1903 movie "Now that takes the cake" showing two black performers dancing, one is in drag. On the other side a big quote that reads: they say, the soul's gender is not tied to that of the body END]

At the end she was banished, first to Munich (a grave punishment I can only imagine;) and later to Italy for her advocacy where she bred rare butterflies and wrote fairy tales and poems about being queer and missing home.

[ID: pages 44 and 45, they show one of her stories (Sulitelma) layered over the painting of the fall of Icarus which is probably by Pieter Bruegel the Elder END]

Her ideas were sometimes surprisingly modern and sometimes of their time in ways that I personally as a non historian didn't expect. In this magazine I put the biography Magnus Hirschfeld wrote about her, a modem perspective, her own sociological works with commentary and an example of her fictional work to give a bit of an impression of who she was, the world she lived in and what she did about it. 💘

For those of you who can't see the images, the magazine is in German and flatly printed, not in braille, but i can certainly send you the plain text if you want it or make a recording of passages that interest you if that's easier for accessibility (tho recording will take me a bit).

If you speak/read German and would like a copy, I can always send the PDF for free or you can DM and I can send a copy for 8€ (no shipping costs unless I find out shipping costs more than 8€ which i don't think). I promise they're cute I put a lot of work into them.

#queer history #German #Karl Heinrich Ulrichs #trans #trans History #queer positivity #i put the price at 8€ so any shipping is included without it being expensive #I'm certainly not gonna make any money off of that believe me they would have to be way more expensive for that I'll maybe make the money #i spent back if i sell like 40 of them. probably 45 depending on shipping cost. which i won't. so. u know. this is me offering for you to #give them to you for the lowest price i can possibly set without feeling like I'm being cheap and devaluing my work #the most money i stand to gain from this is 80€ and let me tell u i spent way longer on it than 8h

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fuckyeahgoodomens · 3 years

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Ineffable Con 2020 Fun Facts

Fun facts from the Ineffable Con 2 (2020) guest panels :):

Neil Gaiman, Douglas Mackinnon and Rob Wilkins

David G. Arnold (the music composer)

Claire Anderson (the costume designer)

Peter Anderson (Peter Anderson Studio created the opening title animation and in-show graphics)

Paul Adeyefa (Disposable Demon)

Jeremy Marshall-Roberts (the owner of Mary the Bentley)

1. Neil Gaiman, Douglas Mackinnon and Rob Wilkins

What do they have from Good Omens:

Rob has the statue from St. Beryls, all four motorbikes from the four horsemen, Crowley’s Devon watch, box signed by David Tennant with Crowley’s sunglasses and Aziraphale’s cocoa mug with Michael Sheen’s DNA :).

Douglas has the playing cards from Episode 1 and heavily annotated Good Omens book they used for filming with inscription by Neil: ‘For Douglas, make us love, make us cry, 3rd August 2017’.

Neil has Aziraphale’s chair from the bookshop that he bought from the BBC and he uses it for Zoom meetings.

What is their favourite thing that was not in the book and was added to the TV show:

Neil: all of the first half of Episode 3 - an absolute joy.

Rob: also the beginning of Episode 3.

Douglas: David Arnold’s music and Peter Anderson’s front titles.

Could Aziraphale get out of the Bastille easily if he wanted to?

Neil: if he could: absolutely. Did he have any conception of the mess he was in: probably not. It’s one of Neil’s favourite pieces of acting - the absolute delight on Aziraphale’s face when he realizes that Crowley’s there and then he turns around and rather petulantly, grumpily goes oh it’s you - that moment of joy on Aziraphale’s face when he realizes that he’s been rescued is one of Neil’s favourite things.

Neil and yoghurt starter: I had this slightly mad thing where I would explain to everybody that fans were yoghurt starter. And I said, ‘Basically you start out with yoghurt starter and you put it into your warm milk and you leave it, and the yoghurt starter goes off and turns the entire thing into yoghurt.

Neil realized that there was a cat in his house (Neil doesn’t have a cat :)). After the panel Neil said that he was going to look for the cat with a can of sardines and Douglas joked that he would find Michael Sheen in a cat costume.

What was the best and worst about making the series:

Douglas: the best - the camaraderie, getting to know the people, the cast and crew.

Rob: the best - realizing that the book could be translated to the screen and watching it happen. The worst - coming to the end of the shoot and saying goodbye to everybody.

Neil: the best - the amount of love from everybody, the worst - fighting budget battles (producers wanted gone all of the cold opening and the death of Agnes Nutter).

Did they expect that Good Omens would attract so many LBGTQ+ people and how they feel about that:

Neil: Yes, absolutely. There are definitely people out there who seem to think that I accidentally wrote a love story with all of the beats of a love story including a break-up halfway through, without somehow noticing that I’d written a love story. And I may not be the brightest candle on the candelabra, but as an author who’s been doing it for a long time, I’m very well aware of when I’m writing a love story, thank you very much. And so from my perspective I knew that the love story would be one of the driving things that would get us from the beginning to the end. And I also made a bunch of decisions about our angels and our demons in terms of casting, in terms of gender that everybody backed me up on, which I loved. You know, the idea that the archangel Michael is played by Doon [Mackichan] is something that is... or Beelzebub is Anna Maxwell Martin, whatever, there’s... it’s not like we are going: these are women, there are men, we are going: these are demons, these are angels. They... this is not a thing. And also doing something like Pollution, where you go in and go: okay well if we were doing this in... if 1989 was now, if there were they pronouns, we probably would have done that. We didn’t think of it at the time but that’s no reason why we can’t do it now. And we did and I remember having a... not exactly a battle, but a... my very tiny skirmish with one of our execs who was very nice and very bright and was like: ‘Why are you saying they?’, and I’m like... and I... explaining, and he’s like: ‘Well I’ve never heard of that before.’, and I’m like: ‘Oh, okay, but trust me, just trust me, it’s all fine, just trust me.’

Douglas: And you know I have to say, just following on what Neil’s saying, I’ve been directing for quite a while, and I tend to notice if characters are falling in love, I tend to notice a love story happening in front of me, and I think it’s there, and everything is meant, guys, everything is meant.

Neil added: I would just say, there are some things that you do while you’re writing a script intentionally. The fact that... I wanted to do this, well, it was a thing I did that I really enjoyed doing... where whenever people accuse them of being a couple: they don’t deny it, they don’t argue, there’s no flustering on their part. They absolutely… you know, everybody… what I’m trying to say is: yes, other people in the story are perceiving them as a couple too. And here is Uriel perceiving them as a couple, here is wonderful Dan [Starkey, playing the passerby] …and you know, you do scenes like that because that’s... you are trying to make a point here and you’re trying to make a point on how people are perceived.

Season 2, yes or no [fiends, all three of them!]:

Douglas: What’s that?

Neil: Of what?

Rob: Is it muted for me as is for everyone else?

Neil confirmed that they are going to be Funko Pops. [yay!]

2. David G. Arnold (the music composer)

He didn’t read the book before he was approached to do the music. He was asked to do it by Douglas Mackinnon he knew from the Victorian episode of Sherlock and he said yes before even knowing what it was about because he wanted to work with Douglas again.

The first piece of music he wrote for the show was the brass band doing the Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon [Episode 6, in the park before the kidnapping].

The second piece of music he wrote was the lullaby that Crowley sings to Warlock. He always liked the lullabies like in Mary Poppins so he said to Neil: Why don’t we do it like Walt Disney, but if Walt Disney was possessed by Satan? That was about 7 months before he needed to write anything again while they were shooting and it kept going round his head the whole time - the melody stuck with him and when it came to the Opening Title of the show, this became the middle bit.

The original opening title was Everyday by Buddy Holly and each episode was supposed to be closed with a different version of it: a death metal version, an angelic choir version, a carmina burana version... and he actually made all those. But he likes to find the musical identity of the show and put it in the opening titles because it’s important and it tells you: ‘This is the word you’re going to experience’, so he wrote his own opening title with the lullaby in the middle and played it to them [probably Neil and Douglas] with Buddy Holly as the backup and: Neil just turned around in his chair and said, ‘That’s Good Omens.’. From that point the instructions were with no rules, just to create whatever he wanted: the further you can go the better, the weirder and the stranger you can think the better. It’s a rare thing to be shown a world like Good Omens and be let free to run around in it.

His favourite ending title is the Queen one in Episode 1.

One of the reasons he didn’t do a theme for Crowley and a theme for Aziraphale is that the theme of the show is theirs - it’s theirs and they share it and it’s both of theirs and there is no separating in that regard.

About Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship reflected in the music score: It’s interesting isn’t it, because the relationship changed in a way slightly frequently and majorly infrequently. It seemed right from the start that their relationship was somehow seeded and planted and had begun by the time we saw them even though they may not have realised it themselves, you know, with the pair of them on the wall, considering one is a demon in the Garden of Eden and one is an angel. They act very charitably towards each other and they act with a lot of things you might not expect. And underneath that there is a sort of sense of togetherness and support even though they both know that their paths are going to diverge and they have different responsibilities. So I always felt like, right from that moment, when the wing came up on the wall, that there was something special about their relationship. Three moments that stuck with him: in Episode 3 saving the books in the church when they completely rely on the other for survival in the way that they were very open about, one in the car outside the nightclub in 60s Soho - the Holy Water, you go too fast for me, that genuinely tearing, that there was reluctance in those words that he spoke and that sort of things as a composer is gold, it’s about making those moments more, and in the last episode in a scene they’re not event in when we see Adam and Dog in the fields and Anathema that music there which celebrates Crowley and Aziraphale’s music which is the theme of the show - their shadow has passed over everyone’s emotional journey, and everyone’s emotional journey is theirs as well. The argument in the bandstand was important as well.

His favourite leitmotif from the series is the lullaby.

About the scene in the car in episode 2 when Thomas Tallis changes into Queen: Terry’s favourite piece of classical music was the Thomas Tallis piece [Spem in Alium] so Neil asked if they can go from Thomas Tallis - a choral piece from 16th century - to We Will Rock You, and: ‘You never say no. You don’t say that you can’t do it. What you have to do is to be the first person who solves the problem.’ In the end it was a two-days work just for this little bit and he mentioned that he never had these sorts of challenges anywhere else before.

His favourite non-musical detail in the show - the crucifixion, how the scene was shot, how it was upsetting, and how it was made more effective by Aziraphale and Crowley’s inability to stop it, that they had to observe and watch it, that it had to happen. I remember seeing that at the time and thinking, I wasn’t expecting that level of brutal honesty, in terms of the pictures that I was looking at and what they chose to show. And I think all the more effective for it.

3. Claire Anderson (the costume designer)

When creating the costumes for the characters she started with mood boards.

Aziraphale - she knew that he needed to have something winglike in his collar so that’s why there are sweeping lapels very often. Using velvet [for the waistcoat] because that was nice and soft and had all the appropriate qualities. His watch and fob that has little gold wings hanging from it and other tiny bits of symbolism. Tartan bow tie. Beautiful cashmere checkered trousers - not quite tartan but a nod to it. A mid to late Victorian coat, Michael only made his decision on the coat a couple of days before the filming. Aziraphale in the present settled on a ring with angelic symbol and harp cufflinks, earlier his ring in ancient times has got a much more roughly hewn set of wings on it, so before jewellery making became sophisticated he modernised slightly - he magicked it up to be a bit more modern, more gentleman signet type of ring, but he never modernises entirely. His heart is much more in the past.

After they began to define Aziraphale they started to look at how the Heaven army of angels might look - the element of tartan came sort of from Aziraphale and the angels have a not-tartan kilt with a semi military type jacket and a military band across that might hold arms or not, because they are not really violent. She used spats to make them look quite neutral and genderless so hiding fastenings and concealing little details like that seemed a way to do that.

Gabriel doesn’t wear spats because he’s on Earth such a lot. His shoe has a cover with two buckles on the side giving the same neutral element. He wears a cashmere light-as-air suit.

The other angels are all in bastardized versions of what era they may have died in, so they could have died in the 1930s or the 1800s and the costume would have an element of that era about it - though of course as an angel you can change things.

The Quartermaster Angel - the costume is a combination of slightly Indian type military, maharaja pants, longer spats from another era, all combined pieces of military tailored to be magical and slightly nonsensical, as Heaven might be.

Crowley - she felt that he wrapped around like a snake sheds its skin so she wanted something double breasted because that seemed to envelope his snakey charm. David wanted to be more casual than wearing a suit. Under his collar he always has a flash of red like the snake that he comes from - the red belly. They put a red seam into the sole of his boots so always there is a hint of where he came from. The red tie in the blitz. He was more rock and roll than Aziraphale and modernised more to a snakehipped rock and roll star really. His present jacket - the fabric there is quilted, they found an 80s jacket that had elements of things they enjoyed - part of that was that it had a slightly quilted quality to the fabric which was like a textured snakeskin. It took quite a long time to create the fabric and then to make the jacket from that - they quilted some fabric and washed and whooshed it repeatedly to create a bit of puckering in it. He has a snakey scarf around his neck like a chain mail linked scales of skin scarf that he wore that complemented his neck chain. The trousers he wore in Victorian times are the same he wore in the 60s when he meets young Shadwell. His present trousers - slightly waxy denim - we just were looking for a slithery finish. Crowley’s neck chain - there is only one in the world - her tailor has a Gothic church full of interesting stuff like busts and drapes with old things, this chain mail scarf was there and David was looking for something to complete his costume and liked it.

Hastur and Ligur are her favourite characters - they were so enjoyable to create. She had an amazing book of 1920s and 30s criminals and they used that as a starting point, because they were all quite worn out and bedraggled and poverty stricken and like hell might be ideally. They burnt and decayed the bottom of them as if they were rotting from the Earth and rotting back into the ground - all demons have sort of gators as if they were rotting from the ground up.

One of the most difficult things was the demons - when they realized they had a few days to create hundreds of demons in South Africa (4-5 days for almost 200 demons). It was as if I had been dissolved in holy water when they asked me for another 150 costumes.

The sleeves of Anathema’s coat have been inspired by a Victorian cycling coat.

The historical costume that Newt’s ancestor wore influenced his and Shadwell’s costumes - they used elements of the historical costume to put a little cape on Newt and Shadwell and their wax coats to give them the quality of that look. Newt's costume has a lot of mustard to make him feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable - it's not the most flattering colour on a northern European complexion.

The nuns’ headdress needed to look a little bit demonic - she bought a whole book on nuns’ headdresses for research. They also used the V in the nurse's apron because that was nicely demonic. The nurses' watch has got this Satanic symbol at the top - a little take on the medical since old nurses’ uniforms used to have watches.

For Madame Tracy she went back into the 70s, slightly Biba-esque makeup and a cape. They had only one pair of her goggles so it was always a nightmare to find them.

Which part of the cold opening is her favourite: I love ancient Rome because there is at least 6 to 12 metre of fabric in a toga and that was quite fun wrapping that around the boys and creating those., and her favourite was the Globe.

The lapels represent wings in every way and every shape and every form. Wings are very important.

4. Peter Anderson (Peter Anderson Studio created the opening title animation and in-show graphics)

The first thing that the director Douglas Mackinnon (with whom he worked on Doctor Who and Sherlock) said to him was: for all the graphics, for all the title sequence, for everything, I want you to promise me one thing, and that is very, very simple, promise that you send me emails that say: ‘this might be absolutely nuts, but my idea is...’.

The opening title it’s full of easter eggs - it’s a type of sequence that’s been designed to watch a thousand times, for example: on the escalator down to Hell there is one character running up deciding that he doesn’t want to go to Hell or the sea is full of plastic bags because we don’t look after the planet.

Every single face in the title sequence is either Crowley’s or Azriphale’s, they are repeated all the way through - inspired by Neil saying that there’s good and evil in all of us, so there is a grand procession of people of all the characters from the story - marching towards Armageddon - but all the characters have been taken over by good or evil. And along the way our two heroes are kind of playing tricks on each other, doing good, doing evil

The opening title combines multiple elements - two dimensional animation elements, three dimensional animation elements, CGI and live action (the people in the procession were created by live action on a travelator). So the result is a kind of strangeness - such as 3D figures with 2D animated tracked heads - which makes it unique.

Their first idea and version of the opening title was based on tapestries of old, subverting them, but then they wanted something more new and fresh.

Both Douglas and Neil were an important part of the opening title creation process.

The opening title sequence took about a year to make from the creative start with four intensive months towards the end.

One of things that inspired him was a Bauhaus theatre image from 1930s.

Question if the hand-drawn font for the graphics will be a purchasable font: no, because it was original and it’s unique and it was created just for this - it was for the love of the show and the story and it will be kept there.

In the scene where there are three photos of witchfinders - Neil and Douglas revealed in the DVD commentaries that two of them are their grandfathers - the third one is Peter’s great uncle.

Originally the signs telling us things like ‘Thursday’ or ‘Mesopotamia’ - were done as if somebody (who was living inside the television screen) ran up close to the screen and showed us the sign. In the end they simplified it, only showing the signs. The one time that it was sort of left in the show was when in Episode 5 a little demon in the video game shows a sign ‘GAME OVER’.

Outside of his work on it, what was his favourite thing on Good Omens: spending time with Douglas and Neil, and also working with Milk VFX - I think I can honestly say it's the best job I've ever worked on with the nicest people.

5. Paul Adeyefa (Disposable Demon)

He first read the book when preparing for the audition - the character wasn’t in the book but he got into it, loved it and couldn’t put it down.

He didn’t know about the name Eric until the script was published and people started calling the demon that, he really likes the name and thinks it fits.

There was a version of the script where the demon was going to be dressed in different costumes each time he was discorporated (for example one in long hair wearing a dress) - they would be all the same but different incarnations, in one version they had different accents.

The first scene he shot was the one where the demon goes to Heaven to deliver the Hellfire (and also wants to hit ‘Aziraphale’ which was cut). That first day was also his favourite moment of shooting because there was an immediate welcoming atmosphere and everyone was lovely and in love with the production.

Disposable Demon is like a permanent intern, running errands for the higher ups in Hell.

His favourite part of the costume were the eyelashes (though he loved the whole costume).

If he could change anything about the costume he would also want cool contact lenses - some brightly coloured ones.

Question what animal (like other demons have on their heads) comes to mind when we see the Disposable Demon: he didn’t think about it at the time, but later he saw people talking about his horns as bunny ears and found it interesting, and also the facts that there are so many of him and that he is quite happy and friendly for a demon so the bunny makes sense, so he might be a sort of a rabbit. Or perhaps something goat type because of the horns.

Question if there is another role in Good Omens he would have liked to have played: he always thought that the four horsemen were very cool and Pollution was his favourite so probably Pollution (also was the most jealous of Pollution’s contact lenses).

If there were a season 2, he would be there in a heartbeat.

Question about Eric’s feelings on Crowley, if he’s a bit of a Crowley fan: I think he might be. There is something about Crowley and how he is somehow a little bit different from the rest of the demons. - and the Disposable Demon has, much like Crowley, interest in the human world. He could well be 6,000 how many years old, the same as everyone else, but he seems to have this younger vibe and I think he thinks that Crowley is quite cool.

Good Omens fandom is his first experience with a fandom of this scale. It speaks a lot, the fact that this kind of very, this minor character, a character who is only on screen for a very short amount of time gets any kind of attention at all, it's quite amazing really, it goes to show how big and enthusiastic the fans are. I never experienced anything like that.

6. Jeremy Marshall-Roberts (the owner of Mary the Bentley)

When Crowley used a miracle to switch off the Bentley lights in Episode 1 at nuns manor it was done by: there was actually a very small guy called Louis turning on and off the switches quickly.

David Tennant was allowed to wear the snake eye contacts for only 3 hours a day otherwise they could damage his eyesight.

For Mary, the Bentley, it was the second time she was ‘blown up’ on film - first being in the Endeavour with Inspector Morse about three years earlier.

He was a bit nervous during filming the bookshop fire scene because the Bentley was so close to a real fire - not wanting the paint to blister. The car was moved off after a few minutes of filming but still.

About the damage to Mary: Unfortunately, we overran, and Rob my stunt driver had already booked a holiday and off he went and so when he returned in January, on the 10th of January, I had this new driver who really had no clue how to drive old cars, so I showed him around, I showed him to go around corners. He came around the corner, the door was not closed properly for some reason and the door flew open as he went around. And instead of slamming on the brakes which is extremely efficient and would stop him straight away he kept on going, hit another car and really smashed the door quite badly. It did take the car off the roads for 10 months. The door was completely remade because of this accident and it cost the total of £24 000 to rebuild the car to get it back to running as it is today.

The Bentley’s part most difficult to maintain and service is the engine.

Would Mary be available for a potential season 2: definitely!

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faeiasworld · 3 years

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~ Pick-a-card: What you don’t see about yourself ~

Hey everyone! Welcome to my first pick-a-card reading!! Well, I’ll just assume that you already know what this reading is about on the title lol.

How to pick a pile: Pick the pile you feel most drawn to. If you feel the need to, take 3 deep breaths. Use your intuition!

Piles 1-3 (from left to right)

Pile 1:

Welcome Pile 1, first off I’m getting some air energy (gemini, libra, aquarius), as well as fixed energy (taurus, scorpio, leo, aquarius). Strong on aquarius energy.

Starting off, what you guys don’t see is how much of a big ball of sunshine you are. You radiate warmth and happiness. You don’t realize how you change the atmosphere of a room. I see a situation where a room of people who are really awkward around each other, looking at their phones, and avoiding eye contact. But once you step into the room, I see people sigh of relief because they know you’ll bring this optimistic energy into this situation. You can literally change people’s mood because of your presence. You make people feel energized and just overall just happy. LMAOO I can see you smiling at someone and just them getting hit with this slap of sunshine, then they feel energized the whole day. You just make people smile.

You might be going through a transition right now, it can be as big as moving houses or something as small as how you dress yourself. I feel like you might not see this transition as a big deal but to other people it’s quite admirable. You are going through this transition with a lot of open-mindness and people are watching you like how can this person go through a transition like this, I don’t think I could ever do that. Like you’re not afraid of leaving behind something familiar such as your old favourite clothes. You’re so open to trying unfamilar things or just being in unfamilar situations. You don’t let anything hold you back. This is really seen in you, because of these transitions you’ve grown into someone so evolved. People really just watch you in awe while you go through these transitions.

Lastly, you don’t realize how patient you are. You’re not afraid to put everything on hold and just wait for the next step. Like you’re so self-aware, you know when you have behavioural patterns that don’t serve you and you actually stop and reflect. You actually do something to change these patterns and in my opinion that is so admirable. Also, I feel like people admire how you have a different perspective to things. LMAO I see like people always bothering you with questions like how you feel on this situation. Since your perspective is so eye-opening people might be crowding you for advice. You know when to put things on hold before they get out of hand.

Some advice for you Pile 1 is that to stop forcing yourself to act happy all the time. It’s normal to experience sadness and it’s normal to not feel like you have to smile all the time. Stop thinking you’ll burden people with your emotions. There are people who care for you deeply, they won’t mind if you’re not smiley all the time. People love you for the way you are, don’t feel the need to act happy when you’re not.

Pile 2:

Hello my Pile 2′s!! Starting off I see some strong water energy (cancer, scorpio, pisces) and cardinal energy (aries, cancer, libra, capricorn). Really strong on libra and scorpio energy.

First off, you guys are so joyful and happy. You guys appreciate all the good things in life. I feel like towards other people you feel like home to them. You have such familiar energy. You’re just so supported and secure. LMAOO you radiate such big wifey/husband material. I feel like people really think that you’d be such an amazing partner to just settle down and start a life with. Also, I see that you’d really know how to throw an amazing party. I feel like if you threw a party people would be talking about it even months after it. You know how to have fun and just celebrate your efforts. I think you really know how to live in the moment and just let loose. You’re literally the whole package, you know how to let loose but at the same time you’re so supported and secure. Like what?!!? I feel like people would always think to invite you to events because you bring such fun energy anywhere you go.

You guys are so emotionally mature and compassionate, it’s admirable. I feel like if life threw an emotional bomb at you. Instead of panicking, you guys would use your emotional maturity to take control of this situation. Even if you don’t realize it but you guys have such wise advice towards emotional things such as relationships and feelings. LMAOOO I see people asking you for relationship advice even if you haven’t been in a relationship yet because you radiate such maturity. You’re such an understanding person it’s crazy. People admire how you can be so compassionate towards people. I’m seeing people watching you, so they can understand how you can be like that. You’re words have a great impact on people, even if you don’t feel like a leader, people really view you as one. It’s like O majestic Pile 2, please offer you’re advice on this situation. LMAOAO

Lastly, you’re such a good friend. Like if someone lost you as a friend they would regret it so much because of how amazing you are. You’re like the ride or die type of friend. You’re so supportive towards you’re friends. Like you’re support really gives people motivation to do what they’re doing. You know how to have a good time like I see people smiling at your every word because of how funny you are. You’re again the whole package, you are always there for your friends, you know how to have a good laugh. Time really goes fast when people hang out with you. Even if you’re an introvert, you really do know how to socialize. People feel like you’d be the perfect person to collaborate with for projects because of how you are.

Some advice for you, is to be careful who you give out your energy to. There are some people who will use your compassionate heart for their advantage. So again please be careful to who you give your energy to.

Pile 3:

Hello Pile 3′s!! Starting off I see some earth energy (taurus, virgo, capricorn) and fire energy (aries, leo, sagittarius). Strong on the taurus, capricorn, aries energy.

First off, you guys have a really firm beliefs. You guys really stand up for what you believe in. You guys might be really passionte towards social injustices and you always spread awareness about it. It’s like you bring a light towards things that have been repeatedly ignored and bring justice towards it. You guys are really relatable and people admire the way you think. I see a scenario of people coming towards you to learn about your beliefs because of much you stand your ground on them. But the suprising thing about you is even if you have a firm belief in things you’re not afraid to learn about others beliefs. You’re curious on the ways of other people ways of thinking, it’s really respectable.

You’re an incredibly nurturing person. You make others feel loved around you because of how you treat them. You’re love language might be acts of service and physical touch. You show love by doing things for others such as giving food or giving warm hugs. You’re like a mother to others. Not only just a mother but an incredibly hardworking one. You have such a good balance between home/friends and work. It’s super admirable. I can see people watching how you work and think how much they strive to be like you. You spread so much love and support towards everyone, you warm people’s heart. When people are around you they feel secure. They can just let loose and nothing bad will happen to them. You’re so compassionate, down-to-earth, and calm that people want to be near you because they love feeling this nurturing energy.

Lastly, you’re someone who can really plan ahead. Like you’re such an open-minded person towards growth and new possibilities. You explore every option you get and you decide which one you think is best. You’re not afraid to get out of your comfort zone and be in new experiences. You don’t doubt your self-knowledge and you charge in your path with so much courage. You always know your goals and you know how to fulfill them. It’s so admirable to other people because you know how to reach you’re goals and they wonder how they can do it too.

Some advice is to not be affected by people who shoot down your beliefs. You’re beliefs are your own, don’t let negative people ruin it just because they say some negative things.

Well that concludes this pick-a-card reading!! I hope it resonated and also I hope you enjoyed it. All of you are such wonderful people and I hope after reading this you know it too.

#tarot #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading

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parachutingkitten · 3 years

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Y'all suck at dissecting Kai's character, so I guess I have to do it.

And I'm not even a Kai stan. He's a bottom tier ninja for me, which I guess means you can trust me, cuz I'm not biased, but also why am I the one doing this? I don't know about y'all, but recently on my dash, the method by which Kai fans try to make him sound good is... saying the writers hate him, ignore him, and that he isn't written well? Which... I mean there is a little bit of truth to, but like yikes guys, is this the best you got? Kai is a wonderful character with plenty of attention from the writers, a meaningful piece of the cast when put in secondary rolls, fairly consistent character writing with actual progression and valuable qualities that help the team without having to be the smart one- despite what some posts might tell you.

Let's get one thing cleared up: Ninjago isn't the best written show. By high level Hollywood standards, most the character arcs are kinda weak or too heavy handed, character consistency can be iffy, and most things serve the plot rather than the characters. There is no character you can point to and say "wow, this character is written so well! No complaints!" Nya and Jay were butchered by their weird love plot, Cole's one season doesn't actually give him an arc, Zane's been nothing but the robot numbers guy for like 10 seasons now, and Lloyd seems to be incapable of doing anything but relive the same one piece of dad angst for depth. Sorry, it's true. All the characters suck when you look at it from a large scale writing perspective. So when I say Kai is well written, I mean by ninjago kids show standards- cuz that's the scale we're working on. No, you couldn't drop Kai into a well written drama, but as far as ninjago goes... he's got a lot going for him, and by no means is he the biggest victim of poor writing.

(fair warning, wall of text below)

The title is a bit disingenuous. There are plenty of good Kai character break downs. What I am presenting here is a more positive perspective. On the whole, I will tend to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, and credit for what they do right writing is hard guys. That's what I'm doing here. I don't see much sense in getting mad the writers on behalf of Kai, or any other character. Ninjago is a simplistic ensemble show that works because of the identifiable simplicity of its main characters with some deeper layers hidden underneath if you keep watching. They've given us a damn good show with some damn enjoyable characters, so here are some criticisms I feel are a little flawed:

First, let's get the 'focus' thing out of the way. Apparently there are people saying Kai doesn't have a season yet? Which... what? I mean, I get that the pilots aren't a full season, the first two seasons, though he is the central protagonist, aren't "Kai seasons" as we've come to define ninja focus seasons, season 7, though he gets majority focus, he shares with his sister. But like... did y'all just forget about season 4? You know, the season where he had the title card, was on the box sets, got the love interest, and the majority of the A-plot? not to mention it's the best season don't @ me Like... if season 4 isn't a Kai season, I can make a damn good argument that season 3 isn't a Zane season, and I doubt anyone wants to go down that rabbit hole. I really can't wrap my head around this one. And I get that the fandom hates season 11 for some reason, but like you can't just pretend it doesn't exist. Kai has a consistent arc across 30 episodes in which he takes his powers for granted, loses them, and learns that, not only does he have value within the team without them, but that his element is intrinsically a part of him that he reclaims, bringing them back more powerful than ever, and with new respect for them. That's one of the most solid arcs in the whole series- the location is even thematically connected to his element. That's some good stuff right there! (Quick plug for season 11 if you haven't watched it in a while. Give it a rewatch, you might be pleasantly surprised)

Not to mention the writers give him fun side stuff all the time. Lots of fears of tech and water to overcome, a deep protective streak with Lloyd, becoming a chancellor, having a true potential actually relevant to the plot as a whole, blacksmith responsibilities, befriending dragons, hanging out with his dad. Not to mention actual focus stuff we haven't talked about yet, like his whole "my dad is evil" phase, and his "I might be evil" phase with him and Skylor. And on top of that, even when he doesn't have an explicit side plot, he's always just a fun and dynamic side character to make jokes or give exposition.

Now, into character stuff. Let's start with Kai's hot headed-ness. Some people say he's been loosing this quality, and I will admit, that's true! But those that claim this makes him inconsistent... I strongly disagree. In early seasons, Kai's temper would lead him to snap at his friends or make stupid decisions that set the team back (see episode 2 Zane freak out)- these are bad things. These are character flaws, yes? Now, in newer seasons, people say that he's inconsistent, cuz sometimes he'll be hot headed, and sometimes he won't. I'd say, this is exactly how being hot headed... works? It flares up without warning, and as an individual gets control of it, it'll pop up less and less often because they're channeling it into productive things - like say directing the anger towards an enemy (see season 11 end freak out). Kai has gained control of a character flaw, and though it still pops up on occasion, the fact that it's a once in a while kind of thing speaks to his growth. I have a little brother who has this exact personality, and watching him grow up, I can tell you, this is how it is. He used to snap all the time, and he still does sometimes, but much less frequently, because he's a more mature person with better control of his emotions. This is a good thing. This is overcoming personal flaws. This is progression we're seeing.

And while you're hyper focused on this one aspect of him, things like his cocky confidence haven't changed a bit. I mean, that season 3 bit between him and Pixal, and his season 11 "fire maker" streak have the exact same energy. You can not convince me otherwise.

Another adjacent quality that hasn't been dampened is Kai's impulsiveness. This can be a good quality of his, he'll get into a fight without thinking, getting the jump on the enemy. Good stuff. But, this has become such a well defined trait of Kai's that it has been used in a comedic capacity. This is what happens when a character is extremely consistent to the extent that both the audience and the characters in universe would be able to predict their actions. Kai's impulsivity used to be a more serious quality that put himself and others at risk, and was a big power move whenever he did something rash, but it's become such a staple of the show that it's now being used for comedy. That isn't Kai's impulsivity going away, that's Kai's impulsivity being recontextualized for the sake of the show. The season 9 "Who's stupid enough to jump on that thing" isn't a joke at the expense of Kai just for being dumb, it's a joke at Kai's being so predictably impulsive that everyone already knows he'll be the one to put himself in an insane amount of danger without thinking twice (you know, something stupid that might get him killed). But because in this instance, the danger is warranted, this is bravery. It's a complement to his character- it's what ends up defeating the colossus. Why are some people so bothered by this joke?

Oh right, cuz for some reason people want to peg Kai as the smart one? Look, Kai isn't stupid, none of the ninja are. All of them have smart moments (all of them have dumb ones too) and Kai can certainly handle himself, but "smart" is definitely not one of his defining characteristics- I think some people are confusing smart for his actual strength. Connected to his impulsivity, Kai has very good simplistic instincts. He sees the big picture and looks at the most surface level solution- which when the situation calls for it, that does indeed make him smart. But the same logic that led him to think "This snake has a glowing target on its head, lets hit it" also led him to think "I'm in a video game, therefore I am immortal." Are you really going to look at me and say he figured out Lloyd was the green ninja through logical deduction and a careful consideration of the facts? No. He had a gut feeling, and he trusted it. Instincts- instincts paired with his impulsive following of said instincts is what leads him to solve problems- and sometimes, that can be extremely effective. This goes for other ninja too. Jay isn't the smartest ninja- I would really only classify Zane and Nya as having intelligence define them (hence their ship name). But Jay is extremely creative and crafty. He also knows his was around mechanics, and as such, this will lead him to come up with creative tech based solutions which are smart. But, idk about you, if I had to point to another ninja as being 'dumb' it would 100% be Jay. Kai is a lot of things. He's passionate and determined and confident and persistent. He's a good improvisor, he's powerful and he's charming! These are all wonderful qualities, he doesn't also have to be the smart one. I am the worlds biggest Pixal stan, and she's a smart, sassy, powerful character, but I'm not gonna sit here and tell you she's also hilarious and adaptable and strong willed. She's a straight man to all the ninja's antics, extremely tied to her samurai x suit, and lets people push her around all the time. That doesn't mean she can't be funny, or self interested, but when she does act these ways, it stems from her other more prominent qualities. That make sense?

And while we're clearing up what Kai isn't, please stop characterizing Kai as an overly protective brother - especially romantically. The only two times he's been romantically protective to Nya are in Wu's Teas which I mean, come on and in the pilots when Jay is literally a stranger. For crying out loud, by the end of the pilot, he's smiling when Jay and Nya hug. That's not overly protective, that's just normal, any reasonable person would react this way, protective. And it's such a great stereotype break for a kids show like ninjago, having an older brother who actually trusts his younger sister to be her own independent person who can make her own decisions. I mean, I guess it's fine if you HC differently but like... idk, I don't buy it.

Now, is there still room to criticize the writers? Yes. Hell yes. But not to an extent greater than any other character. Could he have had more of a defined reaction to events of the most recent season that I won't name for the sake of spoilers? Yes. But could Zane have reacted for more than .5 seconds at being an evil war lord for apparently 60 years? Yeah. Has Kai taken a back seat in the past 4 seasons? Yeah. But so has Lloyd- and he's literally the main character of the show. Not to mention two of those seasons have gone to people who had to wait over ten seasons to get one to themselves, and one of them is a 40 minute special. Kai's doing just fine.

Anyway. Kai is great. He's a fun, stereotype breaking, impulsively driven, ball of energy and confidence who gets a good amount of screen time and some fun side plots.

One last thing to clear up: no hate to anyone. This isn't targeted at anyone specific, this post has been a long time coming, I've just seen some weird overblown claims on various platforms over the past few months and I finally sat down to write about it.

I like the Kai content we have. After all, if the writers were really that bad at writing him, then no one would like him.

Wow this was so much longer than I thought it would be. Um... if you have other long winded rants you'd like to see from me... let me know I guess?

#ninjago #kai ninjago #kai smith #parachuterants #analysis #lets add this tag:#/lh

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new-sandrafilter · 3 years

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How Timothée Chalamet Channeled The Blockbuster Pressure of Leading Denis Villeneuve’s ‘Dune’ Back Into His Role – Venice Q&A

DEADLINE: In a few days Dune will premiere at the Venice Film Festival. You first met Denis Villeneuve about the role in May 2018 and started shooting in the early half of 2019. It was always going to be a long journey, but the pandemic stretched it even further. How does it feel to have finally arrived at this moment?

TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET: You know, I like to think that with every film I’ve done, whether it’s Call Me by Your Name or Beautiful Boy, The King, or Little Women, the character you play is almost a piece of your flesh. And that’s always true, but simply from the perspective of how long the shoot for Dune was, and also the arc that Paul Atreides is on, as well as the huge love and almost biblical connection that so many people have for the book and the original film, it really felt… tectonic, if that’s the right word for it. Just getting to this finish line feels like: phew.

And independent of what the film is now, and what it has become, the experience of making it was I was put in such a safe environment, which you can never take for granted as a human, as an actor, but especially when you’re just starting your career, and when this is the first film of this size you’ve ever done.

To get to work with Denis on it, to get to work with someone of his caliber, let alone on a book that he considers the book of his youth and one of the things he has connected to the most… When he would have it in his hands on set, his body language would become that of a fan; of a kid who had fallen in love with the book at home in Montreal. And when all the kids around him were wearing hockey jerseys with their favorite players’ names on the back, this was a kid wearing a jersey that said ‘Spielberg’ on the back.

For it all to come together, especially with the added challenge of the pandemic, it has all combined to make this moment feel especially spicy [laughs].

DEADLINE: The entire ensemble will show up in Venice.

CHALAMET: Right. And I just can’t believe it; Jason Momoa has the number one film on Netflix right now with Sweet Girl, which I just watched. And since we shot, Zendaya has had all this success with Euphoria and Malcolm & Marie. Just to be part of this cast, period, let alone as one of the title characters, it’s really the shit you dream of.

And let me not forget, too—and I know I’ve told you this before—that The Dark Knight was the movie that made me want to act. That movie had a score by Hans Zimmer, and he has done the score for Dune. And it’s almost not what you’d think. It’s totally appropriate and excellent for the movie, but he has somehow managed to do something subversive, in my opinion. It’s a pinch-me moment all over.

DEADLINE: So, take me back to the start. Is it true you had a Google alert set up to track the latest news on this project before you were ever cast?

CHALAMET: Yeah, it’s true [laughs]. Not right away—Legendary had the rights and was developing it—but as soon as Denis got involved, I set up a Google alert and that’s when I got the book.

In total honesty, I think my understanding of Dune at that point was from a graphic novel I’d seen at Midtown Comics when I was shopping for Yu-Gi-Oh! cards when I was about 10. The year you and I first met, when I was there at Deadline Contenders with Call Me by Your Name, that would have been 2017 or early 2018, and Denis was there with Blade Runner. I remember I was trying to put myself in front of him as much as possible and set up a meeting with him. We had a night at the BAFTA where one of my good friends, Stéphane Bak—who’s also an actor—saw Denis across the room and was like, “Hey buddy, he’s right over there.” So, we went over to talk to him. I kept trying to put myself in front of him, but I didn’t really get a sense of the possibility [of working with him].

I was about halfway through the book when I got the call that he was going to be the president of the jury at the Cannes Film Festival, and I was in London prepping The King. He asked me if I could come out there, so I quickly busted through the second half of the book as best I could. So, like, the first half of my copy is properly annotated and full of my thoughts, and then the second half I just raced through. And then I had that meeting with him, and it was such a joy.

I’m struggling with this even now, as I’m working with Paul King [on Wonka], because he’s another guy I have huge respect and admiration for, and it’s hard to feel on a level. Not that you ever are, because as an actor you’re a cog in the machine, and you’ve got to be humble to the vision of the director. But with Denis, he was pacing around the room, throwing ideas around, in some fancy suite in Cannes, and all I could think was that a year before I was just sat on a stoop on 9th Street in the East Village or something.

DEADLINE: Was that your first time in Cannes?

CHALAMET: Yeah. Well, bizarrely, my sister would do dance camps growing up. Ballet intensive programs in a town called Mougins, which is nearby Cannes, so I spent a lot of time there growing up, but never during the festival, and not on the Riviera. To get to be there for the festival was just nuts. I went to see the Romain Gavras movie, I think, and it was just a huge joy.

I got attached [to the role in Dune] a couple of months after that, and it was nerve-wracking from the announcement, because like I said before, the fans of the book, and the fans of David Lynch version, the computer game, and everything, there’s so much love and strength of feeling. And so much of our pop culture and films and books have been derived from Dune, and all the philosophy the book. I’ve been shocked to learn how many people have a next-level connection to the book. I compare it to how our generation grew up with Harry Potter, and that one makes sense to me. But it’s cool to see with Dune also, when you actually sit down and read it… It’s not that it’s a quote-unquote “hard read” or anything, but it’s not made to be consumed easily, I think that’s fair to say.

So, I was grateful to be working on something of this size not only with Denis Villeneuve leading it, who between Polytechnique, Incendies and Prisoners had nailed the smaller indie film across languages, and then had nailed Arrival and Blade Runner, but who, in his own words, he didn’t feel he’d made his greatest film yet. But also, to be working with this cast. I don’t know if there’s some nightmare version of a film where a young lead is not supported by the rest of his cast, where every one of them had been the leads in their own huge projects. But on this, everyone was there to support, and I think it’s because we all wanted to be foot soldiers for Denis, and I think we understood the potential, based on the script by Eric Roth, Jon Spaihts and Denis, that this could be something really special.

DEADLINE: I don’t have a connection to Dune; this movie is really my first experience of the story. What strikes me is this is clearly an enormous universe—a broad canvas being painted with various families and factions and politics and mythos—but that ultimately it comes down to very elemental, human themes, and we feel them through this character you play, Paul Atreides. Did those themes help ground the experience for you?

CHALAMET: Yes, and I would give the credit entirely to Denis. He would constantly say on set that he had some opposing drumbeat or something. In my diminished intellectual standing, I didn’t understand it, but it was like some vision for the movie based on how biblical the book is that tries to tackle so much that it doesn’t tackle anything. I think he felt the need to be close to a character in it, and Paul is that guy in the book. He’s a character that is still in formation, like a lump of clay, which makes him a great figure for the audience to mirror off.

It speaks, I think, to Denis’ premonition and his directing ability that there were times when we’d move on from a shot or move on from a scene, and I swear, literally, we’d go back because Denis wanted to get something over my shoulder, or push in on my reaction, just to make sure [it stayed on Paul].

And again, it’s something where I’m pinching myself. I had the best time on Interstellar, and that was one of my favorite films I’ve ever worked on, but it was very much something where I was aware of when I had the opportunity to do real acting. And on a movie like Dune, again, one could think it would get lost in the scale and scope. But I felt every day like my plate was full.

DEADLINE: One of those themes is fear, and Paul must overcome his to become the person he needs to be. When you are number one on the call sheet on a project of this scale, and the cast list reads like an address book of Hollywood in the 21st century, and Legendary has injected hundreds of millions of dollars into this production, and it’s all falling on your shoulders, I have to imagine fear is a theme you can readily relate to.

CHALAMET: Oh yeah, and they can bleed into each other for sure—not to diminish the other work that goes in. It’s great when your life experience can inform the role. That’s not at all to say I’m on some crusade in the universe or anything, but definitely… And I had that same good fortune with The King I think. My life is not nearly as significant or as exciting as Paul or Prince Hal, but we all share an unwitting needle in the haystack feeling. On The King that feeling was because I was so new to having a career. On Dune it’s because of, as you say, just feeling the pressure of the hugeness of the project in all those different ways. Those things can absolutely inform each other.

And then there are the moments of glee that come, too, like seeing Jason Momoa running at you at a hundred miles an hour, or just getting to shoot the shit with Josh Brolin, or getting to do a scene with Oscar Isaac. I felt so supported, whether it was Rebecca Fergusson or Charlotte Rampling. When Zendaya came, it was a total breath of fresh air, and she’s one of my favorite parts of the movie. I just got really lucky, and I can’t wait to see them all in Venice.

Denis split the book in half, and the hope is a second movie will get a greenlight. That’d expand Zendaya’s role in the story.

CHALAMET: Definitely, Chani will play a huge role in the next film. I don’t know if there’s a script yet, but just based on the book, along with Lady Jessica [Rebecca Fergusson], they have a lot to do together, let’s put it like that. And Zendaya was incredible in this movie; the moment she pulls the mask down, it felt properly showstopping and powerful. I was hiding behind the camera, counting my lucky starts, because I was there in month two of the shoot and here was a total powerhouse just coming in for the first time.

And as I said before, this was before I’d seen Euphoria and Malcolm & Marie. She’s doing such incredible work and is just trailblazing her own path, and she’s so, so cool. She also happens to be in the most-watched trailer of the moment, too, for Spider-Man: No Way Home. I cannot wait for that movie, and I was there, by the way, with everybody else, clicking through the trailer frame by frame looking for clues [laughs].

#timmy #timothee chalamet #dune movie #dune 2021 #denis villeneuve

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rocketmuse · 3 years

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I thought I'd share my playlist for the anniversary of the boathouse kiss. :)

Song translations, MANY thoughts, and timeline under the break.

Noise warning for song 19, Hinahanap-Hanap Kita. 4:23 to the end. Loud high pitched beeps.

YouTube music version to be made soon.

Translations for foreign songs:

Ewan [Dunno] — Apo Hiking Society — Filipino/Tagalog

Amour plastique [Plastic love] — Videoclub — French

Panalangin [Prayer] — Apo Hiking Society/Moonstar88 — Filipino/Tagalog

Hinahanap-Hanap Kita [I'm Looking For You] — Rivermaya — Filipino/Tagalog

This is a collaborative playlist made with my friend.

Thought Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy would be a good starter song. Something about the music. Represents a good start of Alec persuing Maurice, like, hey, I can be yours... Whatcha doin'?

I added Puppy Princess because of the chorus but I know some people don't like that song so... You can skip if you'd like. KISS MEEEEE KIISS ME WITH YIIR EYESSS CLOSED . ALL I WANT IS YOU YEAH YOU. TELL ME I'M NOT FUNNY TELL ME I'M LEGIIIIT

Ewan. OH MY GOD this song is so them. Alec cares for Maurice, and doesn't like not being taken seriously or being treated badly and brushed off.

"I don't know why you're like that, you're difficult to talk to and you're a snob" COME ON IS THAT NOT THEM — Just a smile from you, and I'll be in heaven. Please give me a response, anything but "No idea"... What a perfect representation of Alec's continuous persuit of Maurice, always talking, always trying...

I could go on with every lyric.

Edit: I just realised this song fits so well for Alec's letters and meeting at the museum. Must resist the urge to add the same exact track twice.

So about Touch Me... Some of the lyrics apply better in other versions. Spotify just has this version tho. Touch me, just like that.

All I've Ever Known. Maurice discovered so much that night about touch and sharing and being with someone. He wants to be with Alec. "All I've ever known is how to hold my own, but now I want to hold you too. [Hold you close, I don't wanna ever have to let you go. Hold you tight, I don't wanna to back to the lonely life.]" Alec opened up his eyes and he'll never be the same.

Can't Help Falling in Love With You. 'Did you ever dream you'd a friend, Alec? ... Someone to last your whole life...' 'Alec, you're a dear fellow and we've been very happy.'

I'd Like To Walk Around In Your Mind was added from Maurice's perspective. Perhaps it fits Alec too...

I think Love At First Sight has the double meaning of the literal title, as well as "wouldn't you like to kiss her" perhaps being... Something Maurice would hear.

I Don't Dance. Based on this post/edit. Please watch this video oh my God.

Pink in the Night. Alec yearns for Maurice in the boathouse. He hasn't come. He hears his heart breaking tonight.

Every lyric is perhaps pulled straight from Alec's brain, to be honest. I remember seeing a post with this song in other contexts with them too. So yes, a few meanings.

Amour plastique. Alec reminiscences on the night in the Russet room. Why hasn't he come?

In my mind, everything goes wild. I lose myself in your eyes. I drown myself in the vagueness of your loving gaze.

And at night I cry tears that stream down my cheeks. I think of you only when the days ends, only when my sad demons descend upon my mind, into the bottomless abyss.

Waiting in the boathouse at night, when the day ends.

I ring out in kisses all down your chest. Lost in the avalanche of my heart astray. Who are you? Where are you?

The moments of then repeat in his mind. Where is Maurice?

I suppose Hopelessly Devoted To You and I'm A Fool To Want You are self explanatory. Maurice should really come... Alec really toughed it out, 2 days he spent in the boathouse, really wanted to see Maurice, really knew they had something, and doesn't want to be treated like a dog. Generally, his 1st letter.

Moon Song. My friend said they added it as a general love song. — Why do you treat me like this? Why didn't you come to the boathouse? — Alec's 2nd letter as a whole. Plus bits of 1st.

And you pushed me in, and now my feet can't touch the bottom of you. ... So I will wait for the next time you want me, like a dog with a bird at your door.

Ewan would fit here tbh.

Panalangin. My only prayer in this lifetime: to be beside you, to be together with you, that's my prayer.

"I since cricket match do long to ... place both arms round you and share with you, the above now seems sweeter than words can say."

And this heart won't allow if you will be away from me, my love, please listen.

It also fits the end of museum.

I Want You. Maurice, can you come to the boathouse already? Alec has no power to teleport you there. I hold one card that I can't use.

I found you. I found the door, but when I stepped through, there was no floor. He found Maurice, bit he's not being here for Alec.

You're coming back And it's the end of the world We're starting over And I love you, darling And I am done, dear

Alec wishes this would happen. Also, he does come back later and they love again over, and "it is finished".

Credit for suggesting the next two songs goes to @beatle-capaldi!!! He also wrote was in quotations!

English Summer Rain

The Most Radical Thing To Do

Hinahanap-Hanap Kita. 1st letter, he's looking for Maurice. Thinking about them together.

In my thoughts and dreams, in every turn of destiny, I look for you. Also applies to that hotel/post-hotel feeling. I look for you, even if I try to forget you, saying goodbye, looking back...

Wildest Dreams. They think a lot of each other. They share once more. But they must say goodbye. Alec saw this coming. Maurice hopes that Alec will remember him like this.

I Hear a Symphony. Alec truly opened up Maurice's eyes. Maurice was meant to be with him. He helped Maurice, changed his life. But now Alec is leaving on ship... Or is he? The symphony leads into...

An orchestral sountrack. The Boathouse. Unfortunately the Maurice soundtrack is not on spotify. It's on my personal YouTube music version. I added it because it just captures the boathouse the only way the sountrack itself can.

The Word of Your Body (Reprise). MLM people have moment of romantic tension, which culminates in confessions of love. Just had to add it. "Haven't you heard the word of your body?" perfectly describes Alec gifting and showing Maurice the wonder of truest physical affection and love. He lets Maurice be okay with himself, and again, changes everything. Every lyric is perfect.

Also, sorry JBW, I like other versions more... Too bad Spotify is mean.

I See The Light. Yeah. Every lyric. Maurice is Rapunzel. Movie Blond too. Both the morning at Russet room and the museum. And the world has somehow shifted. All at once everything is different, now that I see you. "By now they were in love with each other consciously."...

Suddenly Seymour. Suddenly see more, yeah? Clive = ass and someone gives him affection for once, wow! Sidenote, I want to sing this with them and their accents... Suddenly SCUDDER...

Helpless. Musical theatre songs seem to be good retellings of their love story. It's why they belong in post boathouse. Summaries and retellings. They're also good at conveying love they'd feel for each other in general, all times ever. Like loving men, retelling a story.

I'll Cover You. Cute love song feat. gays. I like to imagine them dancing around, declaring their love and devotion for each other. Walking and dancing around like in the original scene, sometime post canon. In my own imagination, I thought of Alec as Angel and Maurice (Christopher) as Collins.

Video Games. They must love spending time together. I thought this to be Maurice POV. Only worth living if somebody is loving you I mean, come on.

It's you, it's you, it's all for you. Everything I do. I tell you all the time, heaven is a place on Earth with you.

Un sospiro. I headcanon that Maurice picks up the piano and plays for Alec. Perhaps he picked it up bc of/after Clive, but now can play it for someone who gives a shit.

Something about the melody reminds me of them. And then it gets more intense... A bit like the passions of love, showing up in sharing and touch and more, too.

Liebestraum. I mean, it means love dream/dream of love. I just had to. Also I just like Liszt.

Take Me Up With You, Dearie. This song is just so sweet... So soft... Edwardian to boot... I love how quintessentially 1909 it is. Discovered it in a YT video. The thought of them getting married makes me cry. This song in general makes me want to cry, it's so romantic, tender, and exudes my favourite era...

Let us float, float, float through the clouds, and just have a lot of fun. We'll go up, up, up as two and then come down as one.

Put Your Head on My Shoulder. We Belong Together. I always imagine Maurice and Alec slowdancing to songs that come on the radio together, when the 1950s hits... Alec probably rests his head on his shoulder as this plays and they dance...

I'm using a lot of ellipses, am I secretly Rupert Graves?

Welcome to the 70s and 80s. They love dancing together and being with each other. Now, Panalangin can be a happy song. My only prayer for this lifetime ... To be together with you. And this heart won't allow if you will be away from me.

Just the Two of Us. What a nice, vibey song. Great title, great scenario of them dancing to this...

Tiny Dancer. Your Song. MLM people in the 70s + Radio, being happy and in love with each other. — I just thought I should add some Elton. A different friend, and I, like him. Maurice sings to Alec, "And you can tell everybody this is your song." That I put down in words how wonderful life is with you in the world.

Electric Love. Fun fact: this song got me to share the playlist. Got me thinking about them and their anniversary again. The funky busy instrumental describes well their passionate love. The highs of electric LOOOOOOVE describe the intensity of them.

Alt text continued: themselves together under and the love. And the love. The song has its own tension and it perfectly pictures their own tension. So yeah, this is THEIR song quite literally.

Sorry if my music taste is perhaps basic. I just made it for when I hear songs that are Them.

Falling for Ya. Alec falls for Maurice. "I saw you when you first drove up, Mr Hall..." Something about Maurice, right? Plus really nice vintage vibes with the music. The bit about Into your arms and it's a secure sure sounds like Maurice. Awh, they're falling for *each other*...

Rainbow Connections. Gay and bi people. Marriage. Everything that Maurice and Alec went through to get here, where they were meant to be. Clive. Working for Clive. Leading up to now.

All the things that had to go right, all the things that had to go wrong, that lead us to the place where we were going all along.

On the YT version there's a soft/jazzy cover of Panalangin here. Because they're old and spending time together and being happy. What a throwback, a defined meaning in their lives over time.

Still Into You. After all these decades... Old and grown, together... True soulmates... Two men can defy the world... Maurice and Alec still roam the greenwood. Imagine Maurice meeting Alec's mom in this context. If only.

Postmodern Jukebox cover, because they are a quintessentially 20th century couple. They exude vintage.

Some piano playing for Alec. Soft, tender, romantic, emotional, true. Feels like nighttime. Feels like Maurice and Alec. And a throwback to the pre 1914 world as well. Claire de Lune feels like... A credits of life piece. Time spent in the early 1980s. Nocturne feels like that too, but more romantic. Smidge less nighttime. Ah yes, Gymnopédies. The truest credits feel of them all. None of these actually are credits for Maurice and Alec, but I struggle to find the word for this feeling. But yeah. These all have Them vibes to me. Piano of the time just does I suppose. Glad to be reminded of them at any time.

What a long playlist. Like going through almost their whole lives together. 1:52 hrs. Almost like a movie. Imagine that. A full movie of THEIR lives... But leaving to the imagination was a good thing. Led to this such action. Thank you E.M. Forster.

Timeline:

1. Pendersleigh

4. & 5. Russet Room. Night, then Morning

9. Cricket

10. Boathouse Nights

18. The Museum

20. The Hotel

21. After

23. The Boathouse

24. They Still Roam the Greenwood

I just like to imagine them dancing to songs on the radio, for decades to come...

#maurice 1987 #maurice 1914 #maurice #maurice hall #alec scudder #Spotify

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