C'mon Malleus, join them 🤨

(My favorite OB form will always be Riddle and Vil since they look like Queens and I love it hfnfnnfnfbf)

Fallen From Grace

A/N: Hi this is my first time writing anything like a/b/o dynamic stuff, so be kind, I’ve been reading a lot lately and I’m quite liking it. I’m hoping to make this a series, just gonna test the waters and see how this goes.

Series Summary: Before the incident she was one of the most powerful Alphas on the Avengers team; admired, idolised and possibly feared, nothing could stand in her way. However, after a mission goes terribly wrong, and she is brutally attacked, the injuries she sustains take all of her Alpha strength, reducing her status to a weakened Omega.  By the way of nature, the team can’t help but treat her in a completely new way. Especially her two closets friends, who now see her in a whole new light.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Bucky Barnes X Reader

Series Warning: a/b/o dynamics (and the fun stuff that comes with that!), strong language, sexual content (smut is coming much later, and there will be added warnings on those chapters), fluff, angst, manipulation, corporal punishment (18+ only readers)

Part One// Part Two// Part Three// Part Four// Part Five// Part Six//

Part Seven// Part Eight// Part Nine// Part Ten// Part Eleven// Part Twelve//

Part Thirteen: Infectious Love 

Chapter Warning: Needles, Medical Themes? 

Word Count: 2.9k

The sweat dripped down your face, running into your eyes, your whole body was covered in a thin layer of moisture, as you summersaulted around the bed. You couldn't breath, with the pain that was radiating through your body. You had managed to keep quiet enough, to not wake your sleeping Alphas, who lay next to you, as you tried to find comfort in your bed.

The pain and the sweating had started a few hours after you had fallen asleep, once you had finally bonded with your mates. You couldn't understand what was happening, you had recently just finished your heat, so there was no possible way it had come back so soon.  The pain came in waves, it rippled through you, starting from your head, before finishing in your stomach. You clawed at your stomach, just wanting it to end. 

As another heavy wave, rolled over you, you couldn't stop the small cry that escaped your lips, as you hunched over, in the bed.

“Baby. What’s going on?” you hear a sleepy mumble come from the side of you, as Steve rubs his eyes, and raises himself, so he was propped up on his elbow, a tentative hand resting on your hip. It recoiled slightly when it felt the temperature of your skin, but returned more firmly with concern. 

“What’s the matter, Y/N?” his voice was a lot stronger now, as he sat up further, so he could look at you easier. His voice had caused Bucky to stir, as he turned to face you and Steve, he rubbed his eyes before, they fell on your whimpering and sweating figure. 

“Y/N. What’s wrong, honey?” he sits up as well, both him and Steve now towering over you, whilst they tried to work out the cause for you ailing.

“It...hu-rts.” you spit out through your teeth, that have begun to chatter uncontrollably.

“Where does it hurt, sweetheart. Can you show us?” Steve asks, pushing some hair away from your face. 

“It...ju-st...hurt-s.” all you could think about was the pain, you couldn't form any basic words without stumbling, let alone full sentences. 

“We need to take her to Helen and Bruce.” 

Before anymore could be said, Steve and Bucky were rushing around the room, pulling on any available clothes they could find, before Steve wrapped your naked figure, in one of your blankets, and picked you up, holding you close to his chest. He could feel you trembling in his arms, as well as, your increasing temperature. 

“It’s alright, baby. We’re gonna find out what’s happening?” you just wince, as he rushes you to the elevator, Bucky following closely. 

“Floor Three. Residential”

The lift door opens, Steve rushed you in, Bucky almost smashing the button for the Med-Wing.

“FRIDAY, call Bruce and Dr Cho. Tell them we need them in the Med-Wing, immediately.”

“Right away, Captain Rogers.” 

You lot out a few cries, as another wave of pain washes through your body, Steve lightly shushes you, rocking you slightly.

“It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart. Bruce and Dr Cho are gonna know what’s happening.” Bucky says, rubbing your back. 

“Dr Cho is already in the Med-Wing, I have alerted her, that you are on your way. Dr Banner will be meeting you shortly.” 

“Thank you, FRIDAY.” 

“Sub-Level 2. Medical Wing.” 

The doors are only half way open, before Steve and Bucky are racing out of them, almost colliding with an awaiting Dr Cho.

“What’s the matter?” she asks, signalling for them to walk and talk, whilst guiding them into the Obs Room. 

“We don't know, we woke up to find her shaking, and crying, and in pain.” Steve informs her, “and her temperature is sky high.” 

“When was her last heat?” 

“A week ago.” Bucky conversed, he wasn’t looking at Dr Cho, he was softly stroking his thumb over your damp forehead. You continued to mewl in Steve’s arms, the blanket you were wrapped in, was sodden with sweat, and tears. Dr Cho motioned for Steve to lay you on the bed, you cry out in protest. Steve just hushes you, making sure that your blanket remained protectively covering you. 

“Has she eaten anything or been behaving unusually, recently.” Dr Cho asked, she places a blood pressure cuff, around your bicep, before sticking a thermometer in your ear.

“No, she's been absolutely fine. Yesterday she just spent the whole day laughing and playing with everyone. She was no different.” Steve rattles off, your whole itinerary, nothing unusually cropping up, “and then we bonded with her, an-” 

“Wait. You've bonded with her.” Dr Cho interrupts him, glancing at your neck, she can just about see the two healing bite marks, as you thrash around on the bed. Bucky and Steve keeping a firm grasp on you to stop you from falling off the bed.

“Yes, of course we did. Why is that a problem? Is that what’s causing this?” Bucky asks defensively, worrying encompasses him, when the thought of being the cause of his fragile Omega’s pain, nearly tears him in half.

“I can’t be sure.” the thermometer beeps, and she can’t hide the way her eyes widened slightly.

“What is it, what does it say?” 

“104.”  

“That isn't good.” Bucky says flatly.

“No, it is not.” Dr Cho concurs, she goes to the station behind her, and pulls on a pair of gloves, “do I have your permission to examine your Omega’s bonding marks.” 

Dr Cho knew, even as a Beta, she would need to request permission, to look closely at, let alone, touch and examine these, very private markings.

“If you think you can help her. Yes, we give you our permission.” Steve confirms, looking to you with sorrow in his eyes. 

You hadn't been listening to a word that had been said, the only sound you could really hear, were muffled noises, whilst your heart pounded against your ribs, your nerves were racked with pain, firing off all your receptor. 

You jerk away, when Dr Cho tries to touch your marks, a watery growl ripping through your throat. Your instinct telling you to protect your marks, not wanting to dilute your Alphas’ scents, with her foreign odour.

“It’s okay, my little Omega, Alpha gives her permission.” Steve tries to reassure you, as you bear you teeth, when Dr Cho tries to touch them once again.

“Do-n’t...to-uch.” you stutter out, determined to keep your bond pure.

“Omega.” Steve manages to grab your face, and turn it so you were looking to your Alphas, “Alpha gives you permission, to let her touch our marks.” 

The way his eyes darken, even in your pain ridden state, makes you nod your head in submission, Steve turns back to Dr Cho, giving a single tilt of his head, to show that she has everyone’s permission. 

“Just look at us, baby girl. Just look at me and Buck. You’re okay.” 

Steve leaves his hands on your face, so that you can only look at him and Bucky. You flinch when Dr Cho’s cold and gloved hands begin to prod at your swollen neck. 

“It appears the bites are trying to heal, but there is something that is slowing the process down. They’re oozing some kind of mucus.”

“Sorry to keep you waiting, what have I missed?” a disgruntled looking Bruce, who looks like he’s just rolled out of bed, probably because he just has, comes stumbling into the room. 

He takes one look at your pain induced, convulsing body, and goes wide eyed, before pulling gloves on and joining Dr Cho’s side. 

“Steve and Bucky bonded with Y/N last night. Shortly afterwards, she began presenting with a temperature, and by the way her body is going into spasm, I imagine considerable levels of pain.”

“Could it be delayed side effects of the poison?” Bruce suggested, he tried to look at your marks, but he didn’t ask Steve or Bucky, or you, if that was okay. As his hand got closer, he froze in his movement, when a very audible growl, rolled round the room, from Steve and Bucky. One person was enough, to invade their scent.  

“Possibly. The marks appear to be oozing, but it’s unclear what that substance may be, I need to take a swab. Would that be okay with you?” She looks at both Steve and Bucky, who only look up briefly from your pained face to nod, before going back to stroking, any part of your body, they thought could bring you comfort. 

Disappearing briefly, before returning with a small swob in her hand, she delicately swobbed the area, softly apologising, when you whimpered in pain, when the swob brushed a particularly tender area. She packaged it appropriately, before she got a second one, gently swobbing the other bite. 

When she was finished she handed the protective packaging to Bruce, who said he would go and check it out immediately. 

Your body was still seizing from the pain, both Steve and Bucky struggled to see you like this.

“Please give her something for the pain.” Steve begged, the fear evident in his voice, did nothing to settle you.

“Until we get the results back from Bruce, I think we can treat this like an infection, as that’s what all the symptoms seem to point to. I’ll give her some acetaminophen to help to reduce her temperature, and that should also help her with the pain.” Dr Cho reassured, turning away once again, only to return a few minutes later. The sight of the needle in her hand, made your weakened eyes go wide, and even in your state of agony, you desperately tried to flee the bed. You were fed up with needles, for two months straight you had to live with endless amounts scattering your arm. You were not prepared to go through it again. 

Steve and Bucky immediately grab you, stopping you from leaving the bed. 

“Sweetheart, you need to stay on the bed. It’s alright we’re here.” Bucky tries to hold you, but you push him away, frantically trying to avoid the shot. 

“No, Alpha. Please no more needles, please.” you beg, trying to hide, in the pillow of the bed. They squatted down, so they were eye level with you. 

“Baby, it’s okay. Just one little needle, then it won't hurt anymore.” Steve’s attempted reassurance just fell on deaf ears, as you continued to push against them. It was clear you were not prepared to give up willingly. They shuffled round in front of you, Bucky remaining in his crouched position, grasping your closets hand, you tried to pull free, but he held it solidly, his other hand coming up to brush the hair out of you face. 

From Steve’s, now standing position, he was able to seize your arm, and hold it securely, whilst Dr Cho lined the needle up, with a vein in your arm. 

“Eyes on me, little one. Just look at me.” Bucky said, stroking your hair, and gazing into your eyes. 

“You’re such a good girl.” he praised, as the needle went in, causing you to cry out, “Sh, well done, my sweet girl. It’s all finished.” he kissed your hand, as your cries settled to hiccups, and Dr Cho removed the needle. 

Gradually you began to feel relief, as the medicine began to kick in. You could now feel how physically and emotionally drained you were, your eyelids becoming increasingly heavy. 

Dr Cho excuses herself, in order to give you some privacy, as Steve and Bucky, carefully manage to untangle you from your soaked blanket, and lay you in a fresh hospital one, you curl up into a ball, mindful of your tender neck. You whine at the loss of your Alphas scents, but are quickly silenced, when Bucky lays his arm over you, Steve’s hand going to your hair.

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

~~~~

A few hours later, Bruce returned with some results, Steve and Bucky couldn't tell if they were good or bad, as the look on Bruce’s face, was mainly one of confusion. 

“Baby, you need to wake up for us, Bruce has your results.” Steve gently shook you awake, you let out a small yawn, before slowly sitting up, you lean on Bucky’s shoulder, wanting to be close to at least one of your Alphas, as Steve stood to attention, arms folded and a frown etched onto his face. 

“So the results from the biopsy I performed on the swobs, showed some interesting results.” Bruce explained as her put his glasses on, and squinted at his notes.

“What kind of interesting?” Steve questioned, the frown on his forehead only getting deeper.

“Well it appears, when you bonded with Y/N, your’s and Bucky’s Alpha DNA, worked it’s way through Y/N bloodstream.” 

“Yes that’s what’s supposed to happen.” Bucky snapped, a little too harshly, as he got a glare from Steve. Yes, Bruce was the professional in this case, but he was still an Omega, trying to explain bonding to two very dominant Alpha Males. Bruce gulped hard, but tried to continue as confidently as he could. 

“Yes, yes, that is all very normal. What isn’t normal is the fact that Y/N, still had some Alpha cells left, within her body.” You sit up at Bruce’s revelation, you had believed all your Alpha cells to have gone, by the way you craved your Alphas praise, the way you could only ever be truly settled by their scent. You believed yourself to be entirely made up of Omega cells, your want to submit, was a key factor in your belief. 

You can’t help but perk up a little, at the possibility you could still be an Alpha, or there was a way to turn you back. The Omega in your head whimpered at your thought. 

“So Y/N, still has Alpha cells in her body, so they’re what...fighting our DNA?” Steve questioned. 

“Had.” you heart plummeted at Bruce’s words, the little hope that you had vanishing, just as quickly, as it had grown. 

“When you both bit, Y/N, it caused a large dose of Alpha particles to enter into Y/N’s system. This triggered an overwhelming amount of Omega cells to be released, in order to supply enough cells to bond with your’s. When Y/N’s bloodstream absorbed the poison, from the blades, it only supplied enough of whatever chemical, they used in order to mutated the majority of Y/N’s Alpha cells, leaving some of them behind. But with the increase in Omega cells, needed to bond with the DNA of two Alphas, meant that any remaining Alpha cells, belonging to Y/N, to be treated as an intruding Alpha, and therefore eradicating any possible cells.”

“So why did it cause, Y/N’s body to go into shock?” Steve asked, his arms were now unfolded, but the frown on his forehead remained. 

“Y/N’s immune system, was treating it like an infection, and therefore it was looking for any possible way to expel the remaining particles, secreting it through the skin, was probably it’s most viable option, as the bite marks are yet to heal. This means there was an opening in the skin, for it to secrete the ‘infection’ out of the body.” 

“But that doesn't explain the fever.” 

“No the fever was caused by a chemical called Pyrogens, which makes it’s way to the hypothalamus in the brain, which is in charge of regulating body temperature. When pyrogens bind to certain receptors in the hypothalamus, body temperature rises. The body does this in order to raise it’s overly temperature, high enough to kill the virus, or bacteria infecting it.”

“So you’re saying my Omega cells saw my old Alpha cells as an infection, and killed them?” you ask, Bucky and Steve can sense the air of disappointment in your voice. They can’t help but feel a little hurt by this. 

“It would explain, why your body reacted so well to the medication, Dr Cho, administered.” Bruce agreed. You nod your head in understanding. 

“Thank you, Bruce.” Steve says gratefully, that was also his polite way of telling him to get lost, as he needed to speak to you alone. Bruce nodded quickly, before exiting the room.

“Are you upset, baby?” Steve asks you, an air of annoyance in his throat. 

“I won't lie to you.” you sigh, “when Bruce said there might have been a chance that some of my Alpha cells had survived the mutation, I was hoping there may have been a way to turn me back.” you explain honestly, you can barely look at Bucky, as the hurt in his eyes, is crystal clear.

“But I don't want that now, I want you.” you try to recover.

“What you don't want it now, you can’t have it?” Bucky snapped, you cower slightly, his accusation cuts through like a knife. 

“No I don't want it now that I have you.” you reason. Bucky stands and starts to pace. 

“You should have said you had doubt, Y/N. We’re bonded now, there’s no way of going back. You are our’s now.” he bites. 

“I know, and I want to be your’s.” you sniffle, tears burning your eyes, “please, Alpha. I want to be your’s.”

Bucky looks up at the sound of your watery voice, and he immediately softens when he sees the remorse in your eyes. 

“I’m sorry, baby. We just we can’t lose you.” he whispered, coming back to sit next to you, and wrap his arms round your shoulders, Steve, sits by your legs, taking your hand, and giving it a gentle kiss.

“You aren't going to lose me, I promise. You’re all that I want. Now and forever.” 

They smile at your words, Steve leaning in to give you a soft kiss, before Bucky turns your head to do the same. 

“I love you, my Alphas.”

A/N: I have an endgame (ha no pun intended) for this series, it’s just how I’m gonna get their I’m struggling with. Hope you guys are still enjoying this little series, and I’m not boring you too much!?

Taglist: @mikariell95​ @sexyvixen7​ @booboobella01​ @rororo06​ @vickstaahh​@krazykatkay456​ @winchester-wifey

Part Fourteen coming soon!

Summary of Junior Doctor Life - Part Ten (now with a pandemic on the horizon):

One of my colleagues (who happens to be gay) has the same jobs as me next year, though he’s considerably less thrilled about the Obs and Gyn placement than I am. After enduring the rest of us coming up with reasons why he might actually enjoy it, he eventually summed up his frustrations with a final, “Look, I just really hate vaginas!” Fair enough 😅

The stereotype that doctors aren’t particularly good at looking after ourselves isn’t entirely unfounded (most of us would love to eat and drink and sleep regularly, but our shifts don’t always allow it). One of my friends proved that point by coming back to work early after being ill, only to collapse during the morning ward round. Thankfully she was working with one of our nicer consultants, who not only made sure she got to lie down in our doctors’ room but also insisted she get a lift home and stay there until she was better. In the meantime, I managed to make our eager medical students useful by sending them off to buy biscuits and sugary drinks for her (though their initially bewildered question of “Which drink?” did leave me mildly concerned that they’d come back with a diet coke).

The same thing happened to me once when I was a medical student. Not gonna lie, it’s rather unnerving to hear an experienced consultant say “Oh wow, that is pretty low” after checking your blood pressure. 

I was on Surgical Receiving again this week, with my first patient being none other than one of my consultants. If I ever require admission to hospital then I will likely avoid my workplace like the plague, however this man is far more eccentric than I am and had zero qualms about his own colleagues removing his gallbladder earlier in the week. A few days later he called the ward because his wound was leaking and nonchalantly stated, “So I’m holding a bit of bowel in my hand, but it’s okay. I come in, you fix it, I go home.” Which is exactly what happened (thankfully his presentation wasn’t quite as dramatic as he’d made out).

During a week in which we were already understaffed, one of my colleagues called in sick at the last minute due to food poisoning. This left only two FY1s responsible for sixty patients, and one of us (thankfully not me) was holding a page designed to accept more patients. Not the best news to receive at 8am when you’re already on Day 6 of a 7-day week.

If the shift had been kind to us then this might have been manageable, but it ended up being a day in which I found out that the lovely man who once gave me a Kit-Kat because “you doctors are always run off your feet” was dying, while in the neighbouring ward a patient faked a cardiac arrest in a bid to get some morphine. Throw a suspected Coronavirus case into the mix and more discharge letters than you can physically complete without sacrificing your breaks and you end up with the kind of shift that leaves you bone-weary by the end of it.

Speaking of Coronavirus, its presence in the UK means that the rumour-mill is officially up and running. Our medical students have already had their exams and summer electives cancelled, while high-dependency nurses are facing the very real possibility of having to care for ICU patients in the coming weeks. Annual leave is likely to be deferred, elective surgeries are facing cancellations (with the exception of urgent cancer cases) while theatre nurses are being trained in Critical Care. Our email inboxes are constantly filled with updates, so regularly that emails we receive at 10am already contradict the information given two hours earlier. In the past three days I’ve been present at several meetings about the approaching pandemic, during which we’re reminded that the next few weeks are likely to be unimaginably busy. For the most part, we just get on with our jobs as usual, but there’s certainly an undercurrent of dread lingering beneath the calm.

Supplies of alcohol gel are running low because the bottles by patients’ bedsides keep mysteriously vanishing (often during visiting hours). This has prompted at least one exasperated nurse to say, “Why can’t they just use soap like normal people, for feck’s sake!” 

My sister works in the neonatal unit and has already caught multiple parents smuggling hospital supplies of nappies and formula milk home ‘just in case’. They don’t tend to take it well when she bluntly tells them that not only are they stealing from the NHS, but also the very sick babies who actually need those supplies.

One of the unnerving things about working in a hospital where preparations are underway for a pandemic is that it feels like the virus is already everywhere. Every clear-cut Infective Exacerbation of COPD or Pneumonia is now labelled ‘Coronavirus until proven otherwise’ and our charge nurse had to be upfront with us about the fact that even she hadn’t been told exactly how many confirmed local cases there are. The hullabaloo makes it seem as though we’re already in the thick of it… and then you check BBC News and it turns out Scotland only has 60 cases in total. Still, I suppose we’ll be grateful for such preparations soon enough.

My mum rather naively asked if Occupational Health would do anything to protect people like me on account of our shit lungs (not quite her wording, but it’s what she was getting at). I don’t have the heart to tell her that the higher-ups would probably rather have a couple of asthmatic employees die than face the staffing crisis that would arise if every single healthcare worker with underlying health conditions stayed at home. My asthma’s mild enough that I’m not particularly worried, though I have finally ordered a repeat prescription of my inhalers. Just in case 😉

As a final point about COVID-19: for most people it will manifest as a bad cold/flu-like illness (if that), and everyone can do their bit by staying at home if they develop a cough/fever and employing proper hand hygiene (soap and warm water are enough - trust me, hospitals and vulnerable people need stuff like alcohol gel and antibacterial wipes far more than you do). Keeping surfaces at home clean and staying well-hydrated can also help (the virus loves dry environments, which apparently includes the mucus membranes in your throat if you’re dehydrated enough). The people who are going to be most affected are the elderly, immunocompromised, and those with underlying medical conditions, and it’s those people who will be most protected if you follow precautions as closely as possible. It’s going to be a hectic and potentially very difficult few months, but the best thing to do is keep our heads and try not to give into the scaremongering which has been prominent since Day One. And because I really can’t say it enough - Wash Your Hands!  

HC for the horsemen and Azreal assisting or just being friends with an expectant human mom-to-be? Doesn't have to be romantic if you dont wanna, but im all about the wholesome shit yo these guys deserve all the love in the world, just like you~ have a wonderful evening (or whatever timeit is, idk

((Here you go, love. I think I’m going to make Azrael his own thing, just cause he was the one holding me up. Anyways, I hope the others are okay because I’m kinda sleep deprived.))

Death:

“So yeah… I don’t want you to feel obligated to co-parent or anything. I know you don’t like change and if it’s ever too much for you I’ll be happy to move out.” Fingernail polish certainly didn’t last long with the nervous woman, as the littered flecks of paint that accumulated on the wood floors could attest.

“For you, I can make adjustments.” Death finally said, crossing his legs and returning to his book.

“Wait, really?” He took it much better than she had anticipated. It was so suspicious that she felt certain he would pee in her shoes like a cat she used to own. She didn’t know much about the Horseman, as no one seemed to, but she knew him well enough to know that “adjustments” weren’t a part of his skill set.

“We should probably start with child locks on the cabinets.”

“You’re joking.”

“The scar on War’s lip would say otherwise.”

“No I mean… What I’m trying to say is…” Oh boy, he really wasn’t easy to talk to. “You don’t have to be involved at all if you don’t want to be.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You are important to me, as you were before we started this little experiment. I would lay down my life for you, and as such, I would lay down my life for your child as well.” His eyes spoke of sincerity, a rare and vulnerable moment indeed.

“Well… Thank you, Death. You’re sweet.”

“I know. That’s why we’re not calling it Alice or Richard.”

“Those are my parent’s names and you can’t change my mind about them.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s good luck.”

“They both died before 30 how lucky can they be?” He knew he had went to far, but giving people permission to refer to what he considered his son as “Dick” wasn’t an option.

Fury:

By the pale tint to Fury’s face, she knew she had gotten to the part of the parenting book about childbirth. Probably the part about mucus plugs and placentas and the picture of a baby’s head crowning. You know, the gross stuff that no one told her about before her and her wife agreed to become pregnant.

When the Horseman’s face turned toward the human, she wasn’t sure if her expression was one of concern, pity, or disgust. Knowing her, it was probably both. There wasn’t anything exchanged between the two of them except a handful of pleasantries during breakfast.

“So… you knew about this?” The vague gesture toward the ‘gross’ chapter of the book was indication enough of what she meant.

“Yes. I am an OB/GYN. Kinda my job to know about it.”

“And there was no… man?”

“There was, but he wasn’t there during conception if that’s what you meant.”

“How…?”

“Well, you have three brothers. It’s just like that, except it goes in a vial instead of a sock.”

Fury’s face scrunched before concluding in a shudder. “At least we’re having a girl.”

“And you’re going to be an amazing mom.” She pressed a quick kiss to her partner’s temple, “Once you finally let me paint the nursery pink.”

“You know what,” she flung the book across the counter, “you deserve to punish this baby however you see fit, since your going to have your vagina ripped to your betty button anyways.”

“That’s not how a C-section works, Fury. Read the book.”

“I don’t want to anymore.”

She sighed and laughed, “Well at least come help me paint the room and get the to-go bag ready.” Wiggling fingers beckoned her to follow, and she did.

Strife:

“It’s like a fish bowl.” Strife concluded as he stared at the fuzzy image in his hands that only vaguely resembled something that would turn into humans. He was told the babies looked healthy for twins at 12 weeks. About the size of kumquats, the doctor said. Whatever the hell kumquats were. And the mother? Oh, even bloated and fatigued he still thought she was the most perfect woman in all of Creation.

She giggled and hooked an arm under his. “I can call one Fineas and one Finwick.” She sobered quickly, “Thank you for coming with me today, Strife. It means a lot to me.”“Always. I’m sure the father will be very happy to hear the news.”

“I called him a few weeks ago but he said he didn’t want anything to do with them. Happens, I guess.”

A hand appeared in his periphery and beckoned the picture back. Roused from his stupor, he realized the red box in front of them was her car and it was time for their brief time to end.

“Well, if you ever need anything, or nothing, you know, give me a ring and I’ll be here. For the baby or for yard work or something. And I’m totally fine being the guy you bring to these things.” Air sucked in between his teeth to make an awkward hissing sound. “Yup it’s… totally fine by me.”

“Okay…” Strife’s stomach sank as the car door popped open. “Bye, Strife.”

“Yup. Okay. Bye.” He held up his hand and turned away with a sigh. Lovely to spend time with her, as it always was.

“Actually, Strife?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you wanna… come with me to pick up my prenatal vitamins?” Her grin was intoxicating, “If that’s fine with you, that is.”

If it wouldn’t have been completely weird, he would have done the happy hippo dance from Fantasia. “It is.”

War:

War had become distant since the revelation of the new roommate that would be joining the house, even more distant still as he realized that her ever-expanding belly held this new life. His hands had crushed things significantly less fragile than the petite woman, and their few nights together proved that even at his best he still left bruises. And, worse still, the thing that was growing inside of her.

As to how he was able to sire an offspring was beyond him. Between his hybrid status, their differing species and centuries of horseback riding, he had considered the possibility unlikely, to say the least.

Neither his brothers nor his sister minded the addition to the Nephilim family, seeing as it would be taught the values of a human they considered level headed, for better or worse. But War minded. He minded quite a bit. But the decision was ultimately hers and there wasn’t much he could do about that except keep her somewhat entertained during the mandatory bedrest that began a few weeks into her pregnancy.

“Oof.” She clutched her stomach.

He was to her side and leaning over to examine her before she could finish a deep breath.

“It’s fine.” She pat his arm. “Just a kick.”

The father grunted and moved back to his shadowed seat to sulk and pretend like he wasn’t watching the show that was on. Quite frankly, he ate those reality TV shows up like Skittles.

“Do you want to feel?” Her grip on his hand was surprisingly strong as she pulled the only hand he had down towards the obscenely stretched and visibly moving skin.

“No.” He wasn’t about to fight against her, though.

“Just feel and I’ll stop bugging you.”

And so, he did if only to be done with it. But he was in love by the first kick. There was no way he could explain the sudden surge of emotion when the little warrior to be jutted a foot against the gentle pressure of his hand. What he was certain of though, was he had to turn away lest anyone should see the tears that suddenly attacked his eyes.

“The doctor says you can see that she has hair on the ultrasound.”

“She?”

“Yeah, she. Did you want to say something to your daughter? She can hear you, you know.”

“Is that why you’ve been reading out loud like a mad woman?”

“Yeah, that’s the reason.” She offered the shoddy book of poetry to him, “This is all we have with rhymes. Though with all the detective shows I’ve been watching I’m sure that’s had more of an impact.”

My Delivery and Labour Story!

I had pored over website after website for signs of labour and for some reason, I had a feeling that I was going to be one of those women where my water doesn’t break, I don’t lose my mucus plug, and my contractions are just going to start so I have to be on the look out for abdominal pain (hence why I got really excited about slight menstrual-like cramps about a week before). 

Sunday 7th in the evening, we had eaten dinner and were just relaxing in bed. The husband was thinking about taking a quick nap before going back to his research, and we were just chatting about this and that and then, my water broke. It felt like my bladder has just lost control and I thought I had peed a little, so embarrassed, I bolted upright and excused myself to the bathroom. I came out of the bathroom and told him ‘I think my water just broke,’ (EDIT: my panty liner was soaked pink) and I had watched a Youtube video of an OB the night before saying that if my water breaks, I should get to a hospital asap because they baby should be coming within 24 hours (water breaking meant I’m susceptible to bacteria and infection; neither of which are good for me or the baby, so the baby should come or be induced within a 24 hour period). 

Water Breaks: 7:50 pm 

Contractions start: Immediately afterwards

We were all surprisingly calm and just completely ready. There was no sense of anxiety or panic whatsoever. We drove to the hospital, found a sweet parking spot really close to the main entrance, and made our way to the maternity ward.

Arrive at hospital: 8:30 pm

I knew someone who went into labour but was sent home from this very hospital and told to come back when her contractions were 5mins apart lasting for 1 minute for at least an hour (or something like that), and she had been 2cm dilated for about a week beforehand. I had been told at last week’s OB visit that I wasn’t dilated, so I was actually expecting to be sent home. We checked in for the standard assessment, turns out I’m 4-5cm dilated, and from the time when my water broke to being assessed in hospital, my contractions went from 20mins, 10, 7, then 5 mins apart. Within the hour, I was changed into a hospital gown and leaning over the bed, clutching and moaning for dear life. I have never known pain like this before. Nothing, nothing could have prepared me for the pain from contractions.  

I was only allowed 1 support person in the room, so my husband drove my MIL home. I wanted to wait until he had gotten back to get the epidural, but oh my lordy, the contractions started being 2 mins apart and I asked for it right away. It didn’t hurt at all, the nurses told me it’ll be like a bee sting (I got stung on my foot once, BLOODY HURT), so I was bracing myself for pain but didn’t have to because contractions>all pain ever. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to keep still while the anesthesiologist administered it from the pain of the contractions. 

I wanted the pain to go away like that *snap* once the epidural was in, but no that’s not how it works. It takes 20 mins for it to START taking an effect, so for the next 20 mins, it was very painful contractions, me just crying and sobbing into their cheap linen pillows and moaning. To all who opted and executed a natural birth, HOW. and ALL THE STANDING OVATIONS TO YOU. OH MY LORDY. 

Once the pain relief kicked in, it was wonderful. I chatted with the nurse, who was so lovely and supportive, and just chilled with my husband, who gave me sips of OJ and water throughout my labour through a straw, and they just let my body do most of the work of positioning baby girl to get ready for being born to minimise how much pushing I had to do. 

The epidural actually slowed down my contractions from 2 mins to 5 mins apart, so near the end, they hooked me up to some oxytoxin to speed them up, got me to start pushing each time I got a contraction. Now, I actually can’t feel much, so a lot of the pushing was mentally engaging the muscles down there. This actually wasn’t too hard because I kid you not, the pressure that builds up from the baby’s head feels like you need to go for the hugest poop in your life. It just feels like needing to go for an enormous poo. So yeah, there I was, legs up in stirrups, thinking, it’s like I’m in the bathroom. The nurses coached and encouraged me along the way, and even if I wasn’t doing as amazing and spectacularly as they claimed I was, I super appreciated it. It was so encouraging and wonderful to be cheered on like that. 

I pushed for about an hour, and just before the final few decisive sets of pushes, about 5-6 extra nurses came in, a doctor and an observing resident, and they turned on what looked and felt like theatre lights. They got me to push.

And then I heard crying. I heard her crying and they told me to stop pushing. They placed her on my chest and she was this tiny tiny little thing just all red and shaking and wailing and crying and I just held her calling her name again and again, absolutely bawling my eyes out. She was still covered in blood and goo, so after a bit, they went to clean her up and weigh her and all that jazz. They swaddled her and gave her a little hat for her little head. It was all so surreal. 

They took out the epidural and stitched me up, and I just lay there for 6 hours waiting for the effects of the medication to wear off before I could resume use of my legs. I watched my daughter sleep in the little hospital cot. She is perfect. 

baby william is here

look at his tiny fingers

skin to skin contact

going through contraction

The whole nine-month pregnancy was smooth and wonderful. I knew I would deliver my baby past my due date. At my 39-week check-up, I still had no Braxton hicks or not even 1cm dilated. Since I wanted to meet baby Will earlier, I started to increase daily exercise during 38-week pregnancy, walking about 8km per day.

On Dec 6th, two days before my due date I still felt the baby didn’t have any sign to come out.  His head was already low on my pelvic floor for 8 weeks. By low I mean doctor could touch his head when she examines my cervix. At this point of time–when approaching your due date, many friends and family members started to text or call you wondering whether you were in labor. I began feeling a little anxious and tried to induce labor naturally. I followed “natural mama’s video” on Youtube, climbing stairs and jumping on the birthing ball. These exercises can help start labor if your baby is ready! The amazing thing is next day I was actually in labor!

That night at 3:30 am, I woke up and felt my pant was wet. I rushed to the bathroom and saw pink blood on my pads. I asked my husband to call Kaiser emergency line immediately and they asked me to walk for 30 min then called them back. At 4:30 am when I was eating breakfast a gush of water coming out and I firmly believe my water broke. We quickly rushed to the hospital.

When I arrived Virginia Hospital Center at 5:30 am, the nurse first used a test strip to test my amniotic fluid. I had no contraction, no pain. The test strip didn’t change color. They put me in the hospital for 5 hours to monitor me and my baby’s heartbeat. They want to make sure my water did break. Usually, water breaking is a gush of fluid continuously coming out of your body. However, mine was not. Mine was a small flow. Dr. Miller told me that my water was NOT broke and I need to GO HOME!! (OMG!!!) They wanted the labor to happen naturally. They didn’t want to do everything manually to push labor to happen.

I was very disappointed, exhausted and stressed. We went back home at 11:30 am and I felt extremely fatigued. I slept for two hours and when I woke up, the bed and my pants were thoroughly soaked. The warm liquid kept dribbling down my leg. I knew this time my water did break. The mucus fell off as well and my membrane was raptured.

I went back to Virginia Hospital Center at 3:30 pm. All the nurses there saw me with surprise. They said oh you came back again. Dr. Miller checked me and she confirmed my water broke. I was a little excited because I could finally meet baby William. She asked the nurse to start Pitocin on me since I had no contraction. They put the IV catheter in my right lower arm. It was used to drip in fluids and medication. This needle is much painful than the epidural.

The contraction pain started to build up around 6:30 pm. I always wanted to have the natural birth but it was too hurt. I also wrote in my previous blog that I did regular yoga exercise and take birth classes. However, I felt agonizing pain in my belly, butt, and back. Around 7 pm and I started crying. The pain was so intense. The nurses came in and they told me I don’t need to be in such pain. If I want to do epidural I can do it anytime. I guess around the time I was just 3 cm dilation. I agreed to take epidural although I heard many scary things about it.

The epidural took effect around 8 pm. The needle was not painful at all.  The anesthetist told me the needle was tiny. The contraction gradually faded away 30 min after they put it in. Thank god, I could finally sleep through the whole night. Dad went home after seeing me calm down. As they increased the amount of Pitocin, I could feel the labor contractions in the left butt growing stronger.  The anesthetist told me epidural cannot numb all the area. If the pain is manageable just leave it there. It is helpful when you push the baby. The other side effect of epidural is that my upper body (breast and arm)began feeling very itchy at the final stage of labor. I had to put an ice pack under my armpits to keep myself comfortable.

At 1:00 am on Dec 7th, the ob doctor came in to check on me and told me the good news that I was 10cm dilated. I was completely dilated and effaced– I can start PUSH…! I was in active labor! Yeah!

Although with epidural, I could still feel my legs and left butt. It was not entirely numbed. I can move my leg on the bed. When Kelly, the nurse asked me to push, I could totally feel the process of my baby entering the world.  Around 30 min after pushing, Kelly already saw the hair of the baby. She told me maybe in one hour baby was out. During the whole night, I drunk some ice chips, jelly, water, and juice. No solid food at all. I was trying to breathe through the contractions using the yoga class technique My husband was by my side all the time, coaching me how to push and gave me strength. I am so glad that I was with the most important people in the world.

I had a 2nd-degree perineal tear.  Kelly and Dr. Farahani Farimah were very patient. They didn’t want to do the lateral episiotomy on me. Dr. Farahani Farimah said my pushing went on very well and my pelvic floor muscle was very stretchy. The baby was also doing great on his own. Will’s heartbeat keeps strong—140 during the three-hour pushing. Most babies couldn’t do so well after pushing for such a long time. She said we could do it in a natural way. We pushed baby’s head out little by little for 3 hours. I am so grateful that I met this two angels at VHC. The whole pushing experience with them was mentally relaxing.

At 4:30am baby finally came out. The placenta came out right after the baby was born.  His crying was so strong and beautiful. It was the best melody I have ever heard.  He looks handsome and adorable. William was immediately put on my chest right after he was born while the doctor was trying to stitch up after I experienced a small tear. His skin was smooth and soft.  The most important thing is our baby is perfectly healthy and strong, weighing 7 pounds 10 ounces. We were so blessed.

My dad and mother-in-law arrived at 5:50pm and immediately announced the news to my family in China. I facetime with my mom and grandparents to share the joy and happiness. At final of this article, I couldn’t be more grateful to Kelly and Dr. Farahani Farimah. I also want to give my special love to my husband. He was with me the whole time and he did so well to make me feel comfortable. It was a dream delivery experience because of this three people. As for my son William, he is the best thing we have ever had.  We’re so happy that he’s here, and are loving every minute of being his parents so far.

  My Birth Story The whole nine-month pregnancy was smooth and wonderful. I knew I would deliver my baby past my due date.

My Labor and Delivery Story Everyone who knows me pretty well can say that I absolutely LOVE sharing my labor and delivery story. Why? Because I got to go through the most painful part of being a woman and I survived, that’s something worth sharing and bragging about (lol not even kidding). So ladies and gents, here it goes: July 10, 2017, it was a Monday. It was time for my 38th week check up and of course, I was dreading it since I didn’t want to stand up because my legs and feet are cramping so bad. When I went inside the clinic, the usual check up was done. Hearing my baby girl’s heartbeat then proceeding to an IE (internal examination) which I also hated since it includes being inserted with my OB’s finger and her looking at my vagina. Who wants that, right? But then again, that’s just part of being a pregnant woman so I just have to suck it up. When she performed an IE on me, she said my cervix was still closed. Really really closed. She predicted that since it’s my first pregnancy, I might give birth at my 40th week. I immediately got pissed because I badly wanted to give birth soon because the pain and discomfort was getting irritating and I wanted it to end already but what else can I do? It’s not like I can force my baby to go out. I just have to wait til she’s ready. July 12, 2017, a Wednesday, at around 6AM, I lost my mucus plug. For those of you who doesn’t know what a mucus plug is, it’s self-explanatory. It’s a plug made out of mucus which develops in the cervix and blocking the cervical canal. It’s to protect the uterus from unwanted bacteria that could enter. Now I already knew what would happen if I lost my mucus plug, or rather I had an idea since I have been reading about it. Many mothers said that once you lose your mucus plug, you will soon be in labor but some mothers also said that there’s no guarantee that you’ll give birth anytime soon even after losing it. But guess what? Almost 12 hours after I lost my mucus plug, I was already in labor. It was 5:30PM when I suddenly experienced a sharp pain in my back. Usually I’d just ignore it, thinking it was just Braxton Hicks Contractions. But the pain didn’t go away, even when I already changed my position. So I immediately told my mom that my back was hurting. She calmly said “Baka manganganak ka na.” I know I said that I wanted to give birth already but FUCK, hearing that made me scared to death. The pain didn’t stop til 6PM. I still ate dinner, just in case. By 7PM, the pain was getting worse and so my mom said that I should prepare to go to the hospital just so we could know for sure. I carried my personal bag and they carried my hospital and baby bag. It was only a 5 minute drive from our house to the hospital and so I got there at around 7:30PM. We went into the emergency room first then I was immediately placed on a wheelchair then they wheeled me to the 4th floor. When I got there, I was asked to change into a lab gown which ticked me off since I was in pain already that I just wanted to lie down. But I have to follow the rules. So once I changed into the lab gown, I lied down on the bed and the nurses kept asking me questions that I had to answer while I was in terrible pain so I was obviously stuttering and took many pauses cause I had to breathe heavily then after all the interrogating, the doctor performed an IE on me. She said I was already 1-2cm dilated and when I heard that, I LITERALLY BURST INTO TEARS. The nurse asked me why I was crying. I said “Kinakabahan po talaga ako.” I contined to cry until they calmed me down, they told me it was a normal reaction since I was hormonal and overwhelmed. I met up with my mom and I took my phone from her and texted my twin sister that I was already in labor and that she should inform the others (the dad of my baby, his mom, my friends, etc.) I gave back my phone to my mom since I was not allowed to bring it in and I already proceeded to the labor room. It was a LONG night for me since I have to be at 10cm in order to start pushing. Blood was taken from me 3 times which I hated since I hate needles and there was this thing that was placed on my tummy to keep track of my contractions. I was only with my doctor and a few nurses while I whimpered in pain and wished it would end. At around 10PM, one nurse informed me that the dad of my baby already arrived. (We were still together that time) He was not allowed inside the labor room so we talked through the hospital’s landline. He asked if I was okay, if it hurt and DUH OF COURSE IT HURTS. I got mad because I was in so much pain and I kept saying “Ang sakit talaga” and he just kept comforting me. At 12:45AM, I was 3cm dilated and at 5:30AM, I was already 5cm dilated. I was already in active labor so my doctor placed a dextrose on me since I was not allowed to eat or drink anything. I was also asked to freshen up, brush my teeth, wash my face and mentally prepare myself. At 7:30AM, I was already 7-8cm dilated so I asked for an epidural. My OB was out of the country so she had an OB attend to me at that time. The anaesthesiologist was still on his way so the attending OB looked at me with pity because 7-8cm IS AWFULLY TERRIBLE AND IT WAS UNBEARABLE WITHOUT AN EPIDURAL. The anaesthesiologist FINALLY came and so I was placed with an epidural at 8cm. After that, I started going downhill. The pain was still there. Totally the WORST pain I’ve ever felt. I kept crying while holding on to the rails of my hospital bed. I started vomitting (even puked on my anaesthesiologist oops) and I felt really weak. They decided to put another epidural since they thought the first one was misplaced. So at 8cm, I had a skin test (a nurse pricked my skin to get a sample) then they popped my water to get my labor to move even faster but I got stuck at 8cm for 3 hours, which was not good because the baby might be at risk if they see no progress so they were already considering in giving me a C-Section which terrified me since I’ve heard that recovering from CS is twice as hard as recovering from normal delivery. They asked me what I thought about it and I said that I needed to talk to my then-boyfriend about it so they let him inside the labor room, thinking he could help me get to 10cm. So as soon as he saw me, I actually saw that he felt sorry for me since I have a lot of needles stuck to me and I was practically breathing heavily. He sat beside me and I told him about the situation and we talked for about 15 minutes. It was 10:30AM already and the doctors decided to perform an IE on me again and finally, I was at 10cm. I was already fully dilated. They even teased me, saying “Yung boyfriend mo lang pala kailangan mo eh.” But I was just happy because I can already start pushing!!! It’s true that you have this need to push because of the pain you’re feeling from the contractions. The nurses helped me out with the breathing and lifted my legs up. It was so difficult to push, let me tell you. All the effort you could ever exert is required. I started pushing and they kept looking at my lady part to see if they could already see the head. I kept on pushing and pushing until they finally said that they already see her head going down so they immediately wheeled me to the delivery room. At the delivery room, they prepared me for my bloody delivery (lol). They switched me to the operating table, lifted my legs up and placed them on like a stand, placed oxygen on my nose, shaved my private part (to prevent germs) then told me to start pushing. Now it’s difficult enough to push so freaking hard so it was even more difficult when the nurses also pushed my tummy to help the baby get down. The pain was unimaginable. It was true that you never know the feeling until you, yourself, experienced it. I honestly thought I was dying since I was struggling to breathe and I was already close to collapsing. Thinking about it, I understood how difficult it was to deliver a child because you are literally sacrificing your whole life, not even sure if you’ll make it or if you’re still going to live to see your baby. After my final push, I was already hearing a ringing sound in my head and I couldn’t hear anything but that. I thought a vein was going to pop in my head since I couldn’t breathe and I had my eyes wide open, but as soon as I heard my baby’s first cry, I could say that all the pain I went through was worth it. Sofia was finally here. I immediately cried after and I cried even harder when she was placed on my chest and got to see her for the very first time. I kept crying at how beautiful and perfect she was that I didn’t notice that I was already being stitched up. So after I was stitched up, Sofia was cleaned and wrapped on a cloth then was placed beside me. We were wheeled out of the delivery room where my then-boyfriend and twin sistwer were waiting for us in the waiting room. As soon as they saw us, they both started crying and I was smiling because I was very proud to show them that I survived and that Sofia was healthy as well. One nurse took Sofia from my side and gave her to my then-boyfriend. I saw him tear up and smiled because I knew he was waiting for that moment. Then the nurse took her and gave her to my sister who started bawling so bad. I laughed at their reactions because it was so cute and I really saw that they were very very happy. Me and Sofia were then wheeled to the recovery room. I don’t know why but I started vomitting again and was placed with oxygen once again. I fell asleep but woke up because I was shaking (a side effect of the anaesthesia) and because my lady part hurt because of the bleeding. We stayed there for an hour and a half then was wheeled to our private room. There are still lots of stories to it but right then and there, my life has changed forever :)

Clinical Trials

Medically speaking I’m pretty smart.  I may not know how taxes work, why cars need gas, or how to change the time on a watch I’ve owned for over four years, but if you need someone to spell duodenojejunostomy I’m your gal.  That being said, the hardest part of third year nursing is working in the clinical setting.  Suddenly the safe baby proof embrace of the classroom is forsaken for the desolate septic wasteland of hemorrhages, urine outputs, and trying to read physician's handwritten notes.

    For eight hours we do our best to be of service to the nurses we shadow while hunting down every patient willing to let us start an IV, and somewhere in between chart on three different platforms the entirely same information in a way that is sparkling with SBAR perfection.  Because apparently having to document every two hours that the patient’s language is still English is the most important thing to do with my time.

    My first unit was the OB portion of clinical, which means that people will hand me the most important thing in their life that’s so only hours brand new, and have the utmost faith that I completely know what I’m doing.  I’ve never held a baby before in my life.  The last time there was an infant even in my proximity was when I was the infant.

    Nevertheless, I soon grew to love the happy halls that always smelled clean and were filled with new parents who just wanted to coo with you all about the last few burps their new bundle of happiness had, all while you keep the pain pills coming right on schedule.  It doesn’t take long to get the hang of putting on a bright smile and nodding along to their stories while casually searching for the uterus and making sure they don’t spontaneously hemorrhage and die in their sleep.

    My first time on the mother-baby unit was a lovely time of breezing through meds and washing babies.  I was with a fairly fresh nurse, we can call Becky, who was not expecting to come in and work a twelve hour shift with a student in tow, but was attempting to be cheerful about it all the same.  Nearing the end of my eight hours, Becky and I were walking across the unit to deliver a pain med to one of patients.  That’s when the nurse sitting at the nurses station stopped us.

    “Becky” she called in her deep southern to the bone accent, “I need your help a minute.  I have to run to my car and get something real fast, can you watch the station while I’m gone?  You and Rachel are the only nurses on the floor right now and she’s busy doing a dressing change”

    “I don’t really know how to work the computer” Becky muttered, already walking to the door and entering the glass paned station anyways.  I followed close behind, wondering why we couldn’t do the med pass first and then come back.

    “Don’t worry, I’ll only be gone three minutes, ain’t nobody gonna call” and sure enough as soon as Becky sat down in the worn swivel chair, southern nurse was already halfway down the stairwell.  I didn’t think much of it, seeing as how there were maybe eight patients on the floor and the entire day had been an easy ride without so much as a spike in blood pressure.

    Becky and I get to chatting about the sort of fast paced topical conversation that you get to have with a stranger of eight hours you’ve been forced to share every minute with, all while staring at the vitals chart on the wall.  It’s the most nerve racking TV show, the black screen of patient numbers and values of their wellbeing displayed, every rise and fall eating away at the back of your mind.  That’s why I almost couldn’t believe it when I saw the SPO2 start falling from the low nineties to the eighties.  Oxygen saturation should be mid nineties to a hundred.  I’ve seen it drop to sixties as a patient gasped for air through a wad of mucus clogging their throat, but to watch it spiral down the drain into the eighties and then seventies, setting off alarms as it went, was like watching a plane slowly crash into the ground before you.

    “Becky, I think we need to check on that patient” she turned around to watch the monitor I was watching wide eyed.

    “It’s probably fine…” the expression on her face changed like someone had wiped over it hard with a rough rag, “actually, you hang onto this, I’ll be right back” she hands me the tiny cup containing our med, and before I can even argue the out of place protocol, she’s gone.  Now I’m completely alone at the nursing station and the only two nurses on our side of the ward are indisposed.  I really honest to god thought that would be the end of it.  I one hundred percent believed that it would end there, that life was not so dramatic as to wait for this exact moment to hit the fan.

    That’s when a new alarm went off.  This one on the computer screen before me, showing one room beeping in red.  I couldn’t understand what it was supposed to be reporting, it wasn’t even that close to us.  But on and off it beeped, quiet at first but then getting louder and louder.  It was such an odd tone too, making me lean close to the monitor to try and hear it.  That’s when I realized, it wasn’t from the computer, it was ringing through the hallway.  It was getting louder before it quickly took over the alarms on our side, accompanied by a harsh electronic screech that came from all the elevators.

    The phone rang and I wanted to vomit.  Letting it ring three times before working up the courage to touch it, I answered with the most useless student voice possible,

    “Hello?”

    “GET…..ELEVATOR CODES… SOUTH…. FIRST FLOOR… CODES” the static cut through the voice of a woman yelling into her phone, huffing and seemingly out of breath.

    “Uh, who is this?”

    “MELISSA” who the fuck is Melissa?  Why did I even ask? “GET ME THE ELEVATOR CODE”

    “I’m sorry, I don’t know the code”

    “ALARM… CODES” I drew a blank and did the only thing I could think of.  I slammed the phone down hard on the receiver.  My best plan ever?  No, not in the slightest.

    Custodians and volunteers gave me weird glances as they walked by, a couple of them asking what was going on and why the elevators were all shut down.  I told them that we were working on getting the codes and they’d stop screaming soon.  The screaming was getting louder.

    Like a fool, I felt a wave of relief hit me as Becky came rushing back into the station.

    “Oh thank god, I don’t know what this is doing” pushing myself away from the console I let her lean in and inspect it.

    “It looks like a baby alarm was set off” she said squinting and clicking uselessly at the mouse.

    “What kind of an alarm?”

    “It’s for child abductions.  Looks like it’s shut down all the elevators and send out the code for this”

    “What do we do?” she pursed her lips, clicking every which way and retreating every time something popped up, asking for a passcode, effectively putting us back at square one every time with the map of the floor showing all the points that were automatically locking themselves down.

    “Hey you wanna do me a favor?  Can you go to this room and see if the baby’s there?” I looked at this woman like she just peed on my face.  She wanted me, someone with the physical prowess of an angry wet kitten, to go fight off a possible child abduction.  The last time I was in any kind of altercation was when my black belt cousin beat me up for fun.  The last time I was given any kind of combat training was when my paramedic teacher made us practice stabbing each other with fake knives in the parking lot.  I wasn’t going to stop anybody from taking anything.  Hell I’d probably pack them a bag to get themselves started with their new life as a fugitive family.

    “Sure” I smiled, slightly shaking my head ‘no’.  Like the compliant idiot I am, I hurried myself down into the maze of the ward and found my room without much ado.  Awkwardly I stood outside the door, wondering what to do.  What do you even say?  “Hey are you guys kidnapping a baby? Okay no, awesome!”  I knocked once and then pushed the door open, deciding that if I was abducting a child I wasn’t going to open the door, and I didn’t have time to waste.

    Inside the room, hunched over an infant in a little tub, was the most pissed off nurse I’d ever seen, surrounded by two weirded out parents, and one of my classmates who gave me a little wave.  I didn’t know what to do as they all stared at me.

    “Is that a baby?” of all the things I could have said, that really wasn’t so bad.  But it was still pretty bad.

    “What do you need?” the nurse snapped, still cradling the dripping newborn who sat next to the alarm bracelet that was causing all my trouble.

    “Uh, alarms are going off”

    “Just give me an adjust”

    “Okay great!” and I slammed that door shut and got the hell out.

    Feeling rather accomplished, even in the face of raw embarrassment, I marched myself up to the nurses station where Becky sat.

    “Did you find it?” she asked, having made no progress in turning off any of the alarms.

    “Yeah, the nurse said to ‘give her an adjust’” Becky blinked at me as we shared a weighted moment of silence.

    “...What does that mean?”

    “I THOUGHT YOU KNEW!” before I can inappropriately yell at my nurse once more, the emergency exit stairwell bursts open and in stomps the most out of breath and out of patience nurse I’d ever seen in my life.  I took a fast guess and figured this was Melissa.

    “Out” she snapped at Becky who was already up and away from the console like it had caught fire.  I came around the other side of the station to see my clinical instructor come around and B line for me, a group of nurses all looking extremely pissed off following close behind and hovering around Melissa who furiously started typing all the passcodes into the computer, turning off each individual elevator alarm one by one.

    Deep southern nurse came over to Becky and I, not looking as guilty as I felt like she should have been.

    “Where were you all?” Becky’s voice full of stress.

    “The code shut off all the elevators for the floor!  We were all on the ground floor and had to come up the stairs to get to the fourth floor.  It paged all the nurses that there was an abduction so we all came running.  Melissa tried to call but said it failed in the stairwell” I took this as my cue to begin explaining everything to my professor who mostly shrugged and laughed it off, because my school is cool like that.

    Later we would go on to eventually passing that med, and I’d regroup with my classmates that would fill me in on all their versions of the events to transpire.  But ultimately I’d come to realize there’s probably some deeper lesson about being competent in one aspect of life doesn’t mean shit if you can’t be a well rounded person.  Also after two summers of office work apparently I still can’t answer a phone.

LABOR: Elliott

nothing was the same.. okay, that's one of my favorite drake albums but seriously, NOTHING WAS THE SAME after finding out elliott was breech, 5 days before I gave birth to him. but let's rewind to monday 12/14, the day everything changed. I met with an incredible breech birth specialist/ob in beverly hills -  dr. fischbein. I was terrified of going to this appointment since my birth plan was having elliott at the birth center I had been going to since the beginning of my pregnancy. Elliott had flipped on me at 38 weeks so plans had to be changed. it was either meeting with Dr. Fischbein for a possible breech home birth or scheduling a c section. for those of you who don't know, having a natural breech birth at home is extremely uncommon. finding someone who has had tons of experience and is capable of doing it is even more rare. this is where Dr. Fischbein came in.

Elliott was in perfect frank breech position, meaning he was folded in half, so we were perfect candidates. Wednesday, 12/16 Dr. Fischbein and his team of two amazing midwives, Beth and Blyss, came to our home to check it out and see what we needed to prepare. Dr. F told me he'd see me soon as I had started cramping earlier that morning.

Thursday, 12/17 around 2:00am I lost my mucus plug. little did I know, I was in my early stages of labor. I kept waking up thinking I had peed myself multiple times before I checked to see that it was actually my fluid leaking. i reached out to my doula @rubystocking, who told me I was going to meet Elliott that day or the next. throughout the whole morning/day the contractions were consistent. it just felt like really bad period cramps, nothing I couldn't handle. I was home all day and Aj had gone to run errands knowing we were having the babe soon. he bought me @harmlessharvest coconut water and bone broth because 1. im a freak and 2. I knew I needed to stay hydrated for this. while he was out, I cleaned, bathed in lavender epsom salts to help me relax, ate lots of food, and watched movies waiting for the REAL contractions to kick in. 9pm comes around and DAMN shit got real, real quick. not gonna lie, I was embarrassingly watching KUWTK while eating pineapple to speed things up. my contractions were consistently 4-5 minutes apart and my hypnobabies training went out the window (mind you, the breathing really helped me stay "loose and limber"). I remember laying on the couch and thinking to myself, "breathe jeannette, stay focused. you got this. you gotta maintain your cool so that your body doesn't create stress for Elliott."  

Around 10pm, I remember thinking the pain was still bearable but it was getting worse and worse as the contractions continued. I had moved from the couch.. to the bedroom.. to the tub.. back to the bed.. just trying to get comfortable as the pain increased. I had Aj being a BOSS of a husband helping me relax, massaging my back and ankles, telling me to breathe properly and talking to me about how our lives were about to change with this little guy that I was about to birth.

my doula Ruby Stocking got to our home at 11pm. she came in quietly while i was laying down with all the lights turned off. she came to the edge of the bed and asked me how I was feeling with her sweet, calming voice. she lit candles, brought in essential oils and started doing her thing. she massaged my lower back since I was having major back labor and put a small wet towel on my forehead to help me cool down. pain didn't seem to escape me. there came a point around 3:30am when I was shaking involuntary and Aj freaked and asked me if I really wanted to do this. my response was always YES. natural all the way. even though the pain had gotten the best of me, I never.. not once, thought I needed medicine or needed to go to the hospital. my mind was so strong and I thank my workouts and clean eating because I literally couldn't have done it without those two things.

4:00am rolls around and dr. f, beth and blyss show up. he checked to see how I was doing and saw I was 7cm dilated. he was so sweet and gentle and brought such a sense of peace and assurance with him. even though I felt safer knowing that he was in our home, between contractions I would close my eyes and rest but it kept getting worse. At one point I couldn't walk anymore because my back literally felt like it was breaking, so I laid down on the floor and cried. I prayed out loud asking God to keep my mind and body strong for Elliott. I wanted to make sure my babe didn't experience an ounce of stress so I tried to keep it together but these were the moments I just couldn't.

It's 7:30am and the sun is completely out.. which sort of made me feel hopeful, like we were almost there. I was laying on my side in bed when dr. f checked me once again. I was 9 cm dilatedand ready to start pushing. after that, it was all a blur but also slow and vivid at the same time. Aj was to my left, ruby was to my right and dr. f and the midwives were in front of me, guiding me through it all. I put my chin to my chest, closed my mouth and pushed as hard as I could during every contraction. my heart was racing, my mind was focused, I was hot as shit and I felt like my whole bottom was ripping open. little by little the pushing became more intense. Elliott's, his little butt would come out with every push and then slide back in, come out even further with another push then slide back in.. so we kept playing that game with him and it was NOT fun. once I got a few pushes I was able to get his whole butt out. shortly after, his back, legs, arms and last but surely not least.. his head. 

it was 9:20am on a beautifully gloomy, rainy Friday morning when mr. Elliott grey ogden was born. he was quickly put on my chest with all the vernix on his tiny warm body, umbilical cord still attached, making the most precious little noises. he opened his eyes and looked around.. probably to see who the hell had been yelling for the past 2 hours. Aj and I of course were in tears. I mean, this moment was incredible.. and insane.. and NUTS.. but soooooooo amazing. I kept smelling his little head and kissing him, telling him I was his mama and that I've been waiting for this moment to finally meet him. he was perfect. Aj kept telling me how proud he was and how beautiful our boy is. he had the honor of cutting the cord after we got some bonding time in and he loved that.