#Everyone is gonna be crying when they hear Long Live (Taylor’s Version)
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songs i’d sell my soul to hear as a surprise song at eras
i’m making this before the second vegas show so if any of these end up being a surprise song at another show that's why
(3/26 edit: 2 of these were surprise songs last night i’m gonna cross them off as they go. it'll be fun)
i have the 5/14 mothers day show so it's pretty much a guarantee that one of them will be the best day, and it’s also at lincoln financial field, so if she does gold rush as a surprise song, it’ll probably be at one of the philly shows because of the eagles t-shirt line
debut:
a place in this world
the outside
should’ve said no
mary’s song (oh my my my)
our song (my sister and i both really wanted this but apparently she did it last night 😔)
*i’m only me when i’m with you* this is my favorite song off of debut i would actually cry if she plays it. she probably won’t, no one ever talks about it, but still
picture to burn would be fun too but if she does that she’d get a crowd full of swiftness screaming the homophobic version so i don’t think it’s likely
fearless:
hey stephen
white horse (this was my favorite song from fearless when i was in middle school. no i was not ok)
tell me why
*the way i loved you* again, favorite song off the album
forever and always
like i mentioned before, she’s probably gonna do the best day at my show, and i will be happy with that. can’t really relate to it (#mommyissues) but it’s a good song
change
mr perfectly fine
speak now:
sparks fly
speak now
mean
the story of us
haunted (my sister’s really hoping for this one)
*long live*
ours (i know it’s about john mayer but i didn’t know that when i fell in love with it)
red:
treacherous
stay stay stay
*holy ground* this is like MY SONG. i love it so much. i don’t need to hear it live to scream it at the top of my lungs, but i would foam at the mouth if it happened
starlight
message in a bottle
1989:
all you had to do was stay
how you get the girl
clean
*new romantics*
rep:
ngl this album’s a little bitter for me because i could have gone to rep tour, i was 14, i was definitely old enough, but my parents are little bitches. i didn’t even bother asking because i knew they’d say know then i’d get a lecture
getaway car
this is why we can’t have nice things
*new years day*
lover:
i think he knows
*paper rings*
london boy
false god
afterglow
me! this might be an unpopular opinion but i think it’s a bop. and if i could hear a version of it without brendan urie (🤢) and taylor’s on the second verse alone, i think i could die happy
it’s nice to have a friend (this gets some hate i think, which sucks because it’s a cute song)
daylight
folklore:
exile
seven
the lakes
most of my favorites from this album are already on the setlist :)
evermore:
no body no crime. i wasn’t gonna hope for it because it features haim but she did snow on the beach last night without lana del rey, so: i’m optimistic
dorothea
ivy (not because it’s in my top picks for this album (i do like it though) but it’s my sister’s number 1 favorite out of her entire disography so i’m legally obligated to put it here)
cowboy like me
*long story short* back when i was into h*rry potter i read a really good pavender fic based on this song
closure
midnights:
maroon
yoyok (this is everyone’s favorite i think but it’s so good)
question…?
*paris*
glitch
hits different (i don’t think she’s gonna acknowledge it exists but a girl (gender neutral) can dream)
like folklore a lot of my favorites are already on the set list
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I know this’ll be an unpopular opinion amongst Swifties, but I’m glad 1989 was held up by the Shake It Off suit. Cause if it wasn’t, we would have gotten both RED & Speak Now in the same year! Could you imagine hearing the iconic but blunt lyrics from both those albums months apart & peeling back the layers of both her relationships with Jake & John? Therapy offices would be inundated with appointments from depressed Swifties or those just needing a good cry, so much so that you’d actually be able to come up with another body of water to fill the nile (just not champaigne)
@taylorswift
#Taylor Swift#Taylurking#Taylor’s Version#Could you inagine the fallout of listening to RED with the Phoebe Bridgers duet & ATW 10 Minute Version#And then be hit over the head months later listening to Dear John#Don’t get me started on the implications of Never Grow Up & Last Kiss#Everyone is gonna be crying when they hear Long Live (Taylor’s Version)#And Lorde knows what she’s keeping in that Goddamn Vault#1989 (taylor's version)#red (taylor’s version)#speak now (taylor’s version)
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guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.
For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell
fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one
i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft
that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you
tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again
as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams
jason: don't you dare put on weird shit
tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)
hear me out hear me out,
red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans
t h i g h s
holy shit yes.
SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe
superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'
does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom
it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.
I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?
as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)
somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.
and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!
babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence
babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to
JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT
again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song
The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian
oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag
soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"
i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage
Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?
don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)
What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk
stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.
This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it
This is canon now @nctxrejects
lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out
idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family
bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another
I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.
yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.
Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings
smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn
Duke was adopted by Bruce?
not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?
True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live
true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?
apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome
ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.
ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut
lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash
oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man
while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.
dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie
magnum hot take
hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth
thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)
why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???
what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones
oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no
I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked
yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends
"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years
i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.
BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them
lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.
I am in love with your posts your honour thank you
omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?
The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST:
1) clark
2) lois
3) oliver
4) dinah
5) john
Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian
yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.
tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.
and what about it?
when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST
oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat
Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes
lmao i do too
I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it
he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.
you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank
babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)
ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something
that's a very good vocabulary upgrade
somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”
steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.
Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you.
Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious
babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks
In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97
lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)
You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.
bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers
How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?
horrible, next question.
I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid
yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'
I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.
superman: so what do you do in your free time?
batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time
bruce and oliver be like
boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)
lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)
Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje
he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'
I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??
i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way
SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed
'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'
i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam
fair enough
#this is only like half of it#but at least you can get like a few answers#yanno fuck it#bataranswers#ask#asks#anon
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Don't You ( Sad Song Based)- Dakota laden x Reader
word count:3951
warnings: angst, platonic fluff I think that's everything!
summary: based on the song Don't You by Taylor Swift (my queen)
all credit to her and her lyrical genius.
“How is everyone Chels?” you asked as you sat on her couch. She smiled at you, “Everyone is doing really good honestly. The boys are great, and so am I. You know, life has been really good to us,” she answered you and you smiled softly. Your heart tugged downward at the thought of her brother, you never stopped loving him. So hearing that he was doing so great made your heart ache just the slightest because that meant that he wasn’t feeling anything from what you had together.
She saw your far-off look and instantly caught on, “Hey, are you ok?” she asked gently and reached over to rest her hand over yours. You shook your head trying to get it out of your mind as best as you could and prepare yourself for hearing more about him.
“Yeah, I’m fine Chels. Why?” you asked in confusion. “I know that mentioning him may still hurt, and I’m sorry,” she said with a sympathetic smile. “It’s over now and that’s ok. It has to end somewhere doesn’t it,” you said trying to keep your voice as nonchalant as possible.
“It’s ok if you want to change the subject,” she assured you. “No, I’m fine. I wanna know how they are. Make sure they’re doing good you know,” you told her with a forced smile. She looked at you wearily, “So what’s new with him?” you asked. You wanted to know if he felt anything, or if it was dead and gone to him. You were horrified of her answer but you knew you needed to know.
“Well, he’s um- he’s dating someone now. He’s doing a lot of planning for the show too, it’s hard work and I’m really proud of him,” she said trying to skim over the fact that he had a new girlfriend. You felt like you couldn’t breathe when the words left her mouth, he was over you already. You wanted to cry but you kept yourself together as you sat in front of your best friend.
“Oh, wow that’s great for him, I’m glad that he’s happy. That’s great,” you said trying to keep the strain out of your voice. Chelsea took a deep breath and sat up straighter getting ready to change the subject.
“So, how are you doing?” she asked with an encouraging smile. “I’m ok, just trying to live you know. Working a lot,” you told her. Your mind was plagued with thoughts of him moving on so quickly.
“That’s good that you’re keeping busy,” she said.
“I’m sure she’s nothing like me… I bet she’ll make him really happy,” you said softly, not being able to stop the words from coming out.
She looked at you in shock, “Hey, don’t talk like that. She’s her own person sure, but to be honest I like you a lot better,” she said. You felt tears come to your eyes, “I um- i think I’m gonna go Chels. Sorry for taking up your time, I’ll see you tomorrow ok. I’ll be here early to help you set stuff up.” you said as you grabbed your stuff and kept your head down. You tried to keep from crying as you walked out the door before she could say anything to you.
You got into your car and let your tears fall as you made the drive home. You didn’t live far from her so it wasn’t that long of a trip to get home.
When you got home you let yourself break down. Knowing he had someone else that he would kiss whenever he wanted, someone else to hold when it got cold or while they watched a movie, someone else to tell I love you.
Your heart was breaking all over again, and it hurt worse than you ever thought it would.
Your phone kept going off and so you checked it only to find it flooded with texts from Chelsea, and to your surprise, Alex and Tanner as well. Your brows furrowed as you looked through the messages. They were all asking if you were ok, and wondering if you had gotten home. You guessed that Chelsea asked them to try and get to you because she couldn’t.
You sent them all a text saying you were home, and nothing more than that.
You received texts back from all of them asking if you needed them, you ignored them all, and dreaded the next day knowing you were going to have to face them.
The next day you were going back to Chelsea’s because everyone was back in town and hadn’t seen each other in a while. You wanted to get together while you still could and now you had to face the reality that you would be in the same room as Dakota and this new girl he was with. You had to keep yourself from crumbling in front of all of your friends and the one person you swore you’d spend the rest of your life with and the new love of his life.
---
The next day rolled around and you considered just calling and telling Chelsea you couldn’t make it. You were terrified of seeing everyone while you were so broken. You had your finger over the call button when your screen lit up with an incoming call from Alex. You sighed heavily and knew you couldn’t avoid it this time.
You answered the call and tried to put use the happiest voice you could muster.
“Hey, Al! What’s up?” you asked
“Hey, I didn’t think you were gonna answer. I just wanted to call before and say that I’m super excited to see you and that I’m gonna be there with you the whole way. I know that it’s gonna be difficult but you’re not alone there. You have Tanner, Chels, and I the whole time. We’ve got you ok,” he told you.
You weren’t expecting that at all and it made you want to cry. For the second time in two days, tears came to your eyes.
“Thanks, Alex, I’ve really missed you you know. Thank you,” you held yourself together.
“You don’t have to thank me at all. We’ve always got your back. I’ve missed you too, now you can come on over now if you want it’s just us three right now,” he said.
You nodded your head despite him not being able to see you.
“Yeah, I’ll uh- I’ll be over in a few minutes, I’ll see you soon Al,” you said your goodbye and he did the same.
You stood up from your bed and went to your bathroom to look in your mirror. You had little dabs of mascara under your eyes from where your eyes had teared up. You grabbed a tissue and wiped them away before fixing your makeup and grabbing your things to leave.
---
You got out of the car and immediately you saw two people barrel out the front door. You laughed as soon as you noticed that it was Alex and Tanner. Before you could say anything Alex had his arms around you. You hugged him back just as tightly and leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Hey, Al,” you said with a smile. He chuckled at your slightly muffled voice. “Hey, (y/n/n)!” he exclaimed and made you laugh.
“It’s my turn!” you heard Tanner jokingly whine. You could practically hear the pout in his voice. You laughed loudly when Alex let you go and you could see Tanner, with, just as you thought, a pout.
“C’mere!” you said and opened your arms. He quickly lifted you off your feet and gave you a spin, you laughed and held onto him. “It’s been forever (y/n/n)!” he exclaimed and you nodded your head. He set you flat on your feet and you laughed, “It has been way too long you guys, I’ve missed you,” you said with a slightly sad smile at the thought of not seeing them for so long.
“C’mon, let’s get inside the house before Chelsea comes out here and scolds us,” Alex said and you chuckled. “That’s probably a good idea,” you said they both grabbed your hands before practically dragging you to the door. You laughed at how silly they were being.
Chelsea heard your laughter ring through her house and smiled brightly after seeing you so hurt yesterday. She was just glad that you were ok.
She walked out to greet you and you walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, already feeling bad about how you left yesterday. “I’m so sorry Chels, that was so stupid to do. I’m sorry,” you apologized as you held onto your best friend. She sighed, “It’s ok, I’m just glad you’re safe, and you’re here. Honestly I was nervous that you would decide not to come today,” she confessed.
You pulled away, “Well, our lucky charm here,” you pointed to Alex, “Called me before I could call you to say I wasn’t coming,” you admitted.
“Hey, I knew I'd run into you somewhere
It's been a while, I didn't mean to stare
I heard she's nothin' like me
I'm sure she'll make you happy”
“Why wouldn’t you have come?” you heard the voice you hadn’t heard in so long come from behind the boys. You tensed up, as he walked around the guys to see you and his sister.
“Just not feeling great, that’s all,” you said softly.
Chelsea reached forward to grab your hand. “Oh, well that’s horrible. What’s wrong?” he asked and took a few steps closer to try and hug you. “Just one of those days,” you told him and awkwardly let him hug you as you hugged back barely. He let you go and gave you a soft sweet smile, “Well, hopefully, today will help chase those negative thoughts away,” he told you. Your heartbeat skipped at his words, the words he would tell you when you were going through a hard time. Telling you he would always be there to chase those negative thoughts away.
“Hopefully,” you said and gave a weak smile before moving away from him and towards the boys. He looked back at you for a brief second with confusion swimming in those hazel green eyes you always got lost in.
He hugged his sister tightly as he greeted her. “Where’s Emily?” Chelsea asked. You shifted your weight in discomfort at hearing her name for the first time. Tanner wrapped an arm around your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you.
“Oh, yeah she had work and couldn’t make it out for this but she sends her love to everyone,” he relayed her message. You felt the tiniest bit of relief knowing she wasn’t going to be there.
---
“But don't you, don't you
Smile at me and ask me how I've been
Don't you say you've
Missed me if you don't want me again
You don't know how much I feel I love you still
So why don't you, don't you?”
It had been a while later and everyone had settled in and was just hanging out. A random movie was playing in the background while you all just caught up. You were speaking with Alex, while Tanner and Chelsea spoke with Dakota. You couldn’t help but look over at him every once and a while.
“You ok?” Alex asked. You sighed heavily and tried to smile. “Yeah, I’m trying to be. As long as I have you guys I’ll be fine,” you said and leaned your head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry to say but it looks like he’s coming over here,” Alex warned you and your heart stopped for a second. “Shit, what do I do?” you asked quickly. “Just calm down ok, I’m right here.” he comforted as you sat up. Dakota walked over and sat down next to you both.
He smiled brightly at you,
“Hey (y/n/n), how have you been? It’s been a while, I’ve missed you,” he said and you felt your stomach turn. He missed you. In your mind your thoughts were going crazy on what you wanted to say.
“Don’t you do that to me. You don’t get to smile at me and ask how I’ve been. How dare you say you’ve missed me if you don’t want me again. How could you do that to me? You have no idea how much I feel, god, Dakota, I still love you. So why don’t you, why don’t you love me anymore, why don’t you feel like I do, why aren’t you hurt?” you begged and pleaded with him in your mind.
“I’ve been doing just fine, work is keeping me busy you know. There’s lots to write about lately, so articles aren’t that hard to write these days,” you told him with the best fake smile you could give. You couldn’t bring yourself to say that you missed him, and you could see the small flash of confusion and hurt in his eyes. You hated seeing him upset but it hurt too much to say it because you knew it meant something so different to you.
“Well, that’s good. I’m glad things have been good for you.” he smiled you nodded, “Thanks Dakota, so uh, how have things been for you? I’ve heard you got a new girl?” you asked with a soft smile. His smile brightened at the mention of her and it made your stomach turn, knowing that he used to do that when someone talked about you. Alex discreetly placed a hand over yours that sat on your lap. You took a deep breath and continued to keep your smile as best as you could.
“Yeah, Emily, she’s great. I mean, she’s gorgeous not just on the outside you know. It was like she took my breath away from the moment I saw her. I love her a lot, it’s been great with her. Going on the road is hard, having to leave her for a while like that, but coming back makes it worthwhile. So, I would say that life is really, really good.” he finished with a huge smile and a content sigh.
You had to hold in your tears at the way he talked about her. You were crushed, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. He didn’t hear a response from you and looked at you in concern, “You ok (y/n)?” he asked and reached over to place a hand on your arm. You almost flinched at the contact, “Oh, yeah I’m fine sorry. I’m really glad you’re so happy. I’m sure she’ll continue to make you really happy,” you said trying to keep it all together despite the pressure you felt on your chest. Alex now was holding your hand tightly in his. “Thank you (y/n), so is there anyone you’re seeing?” he asked in genuine curiosity. “No, I’ve just been taking some time for myself you know. Trying to focus on work,” you said. “Have you read any of her articles lately?” Alex jumped in so you could have a break from speaking. You squeezed his hand gratefully.
“Yeah, I have they’re amazing. I’m really proud of you. You’re doing amazing things, and I can’t wait to see you do more,” he told you.
“Sometimes, I really wish that I could hate you
I've tried, but that's just somethin' I can't do
My heart knows what the truth is
I swore I wouldn't do this”
You looked at him softly, his words made you feel a mix of pain and just pure love.
You really wished that you could hate him, You wished you could just look at him and despise him but you couldn’t. No matter how hard and how much you tried you just couldn’t do it.
“That means a lot Dakota, thank you so much. I’m proud of you too, I’m proud of all of you,” you said and looked around the room at everyone. “Hey guys, come over so we can all hang out,” Alex said and called everyone over. Tanner and Chelsea looked at him with concerned eyes as if asking if everything was ok. They both walk over and take seats next to you. Tanner is in between you and Dakota while Chelsea is next to her brother. “I was just saying how proud I am of you guys,” You said and smiled at them. “We’re proud of you too (y/n/n),” Tanner said and kissed your head. “I’ll be right back guys, I’m gonna get a drink. Does anyone want anything?” you asked as you began to get up. Tanner, Chels, and Alex said no but Dakota got up from his spot, “Yeah I’ll go with you, c’mon,” he said. You just nodded your head, “k, sorry Al I got to get by,” you said as you walked past Alex. While Dakota had his back turned you looked back at everyone with fear in your eyes.
“We’re right here, it’ll be ok,” Chels whispered and you nodded your head trying to gain composure before going into the kitchen.
You walked into the kitchen to see Dakota with a glass of orange juice for you knowing that that was always what you went for over anything else. You smiled and reached for the glass in his hand. He pulled it away with a playful grin. That grin he used to give before tickling you or chasing you around the house because you stole the hat that he was wearing. The grin before he kissed you after making a dumb joke to make you laugh. That grin.
You’d never get that again, and it made you want to die. “Dakota, c’mon, just hand it over,” you said with a slight smile keeping up your act.
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong,” he said and kept a hold of the glass.
“Nothing is wrong Dakota, now can I please just have the glass?” you asked with a sigh
“I can tell when something is wrong with you, I lived with you for years. I think I can tell when something is up and you’re not telling me,” he said. You sighed heavily, You didn’t know what to say but you knew you couldn’t say the truth.
“I’m fine Dakota really. Just been working a little too hard that’s all,” you told him hoping he would just let it go.
He knew he wouldn’t get anything else out of you and it hurt him knowing you wouldn’t open up to him anymore.
You took your drink from him and walked out of the kitchen. Everyone looked at you and saw the expression on your face. They could tell that you were upset and it hurt them. They knew that you still loved him, and you couldn’t just magically make those feelings disappear. You handed your glass to Alex and walked down the hall to Chels’s room. You knew it was always a safe place for you, she always let you stay in there when get togethers or anything got too much for you. Or if you just need to calm down away from prying eyes.
Dakota walked back out and saw that you were gone, “Where did she go?” he asked in confusion and concern. “I’ll go see, I’ll be right back,” Tanner said. Everyone looked at him in confusion not used to him really being the one to do that thing seeing as Chelsea always did it. “Hang out with your brother Chels, I’ll be right back,” he said.
Tanner walked down the hall and heard the faintest crying coming from Chelsea's room. He knocked on the door and he heard the crying immediately stop. “It’s just me (y/n/n), can I come in?” Tanner asked. “Yes please,” you said and he opened the door to see you on her bed with tears on your cheeks.
“What happened?” he asked as he kneeled on the ground in front of you. “He got me orange juice… he grinned like that… he could tell that something was wrong. He said he could tell because he lived with me for years like it was nothing. Like it was no big deal that we were in love for years. Why doesn’t he hurt? Why is he ok, how could he find love so quickly? I love him so much, I still love him.” you ended up crying to your friend. He reached up and wiped your tears away. “I’m so sorry (y/n/n), I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. But just know, that I’m sure he did hurt, and I’m sure it was hard for him. I don’t understand him either but, everything will be ok. I promise it will,” he said and got to his feet so he could pull you up as well. He pulled you into a hug, and you gripped him as tightly as you could, needing the comfort of your friend.
He wiped away your tears and gave you a gentle and encouraging smile. “You’ve got this. We’re right there,” he said and hugged you one more time.
You took a deep breath and walked out the door letting Tanner lead the way back out. Everyone looked over at you guys with smiles trying to encourage you.
“Hey, (y/n), we were just talking about the time when we all went to the bar and you ended up punching someone in the face cause they wouldn’t leave Chelsea alone,” Dakota said trying to get you to smile, and he succeeded. It was the first genuine smile since he had gotten there.
“That was pretty funny,” you said softly and took your spot next to Alex once again who wrapped a comforting arm around your shoulder.
“But don't you, don't you
Smile at me and ask me how I've been
Don't you say you've
Missed me if you don't want me again
You don't know how much I feel I love you still
So why don't you, don't you?
So I walk outta here tonight
Try to go on with my life
And you can say we're still friends
(But I don't wanna pretend)
So if I see you again”
The night was coming to an end and you were finally beginning to feel a relief wash over you at the thought of going home. You were gathering your things to leave and were saying goodbye to everyone. Dakota met you at the door and smiled, “It’s been way too long since we’ve seen each other. We should do this again. I’ve missed you.” he said those words again and your heart stopped.
“It’s been a long while, yeah. I missed you too,” you said with a forced smile. The words felt weird coming out of your mouth it felt like a lie. You knew it was a lie because you didn’t miss him like a friend. You missed him like the love of your life, you wanted him again and you knew he didn’t want you anymore.
He smiled and reached over to wrap you in a hug. You hugged him back softly before pulling away.
You had to walk out the door and go on with your life, he could say you were still friends but you didn’t want to pretend anymore. But that didn’t matter. He didn’t want you anymore.
“Don't you (Don't you), don't you
Smile at me and ask me how I've been
Don't you (Don't you) say you've
Missed me if you don't want me again
You don't (You don't) know how much I feel I love you still
So why don't you, don't you?”
---
Taglist:
@jaziona92
@beautybyfire
@thefandomthings
@kippykasey
@kristin813
@katelynanna
@nyx2021
#dakota laden fic#gac dakota#dakota laden x reader#dakota laden imagine#dakota laden#dakota laden fanfic#dakota laden one shot#dakota laden x y/n#dakota laden x you#destination fear#destination fear trvl channel#destination fear imagine#trvl channel#destination fear x reader#chelsea laden#tanner wiseman#alex schroeder#Spotify
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If Glee did a Taylor Swift Tribute Episode...
Just my opinions, feel free to add on to them. I know I have some fellow gleek swifties following me. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Obviously they have to do some of the hits but I think some people would have some out of the box picks.
*This post assumes all Taylor songs are available to choose from as of May 14th 2021 but focuses on Taylor’s first 6 albums (if you want more glee and Taylor I have fics with that; LOVER and FOLKLORE) and takes liberties with where this episode’s placement is in terms of canon. But since it’s all made up anyway who cares (but Blaine’s involved so I guess season 3 idk).*
Okay, trying to do a full plot here (completely inspired by @kurtdeservesbetter head canon posts. I hope this lives up to her fabulous posts). This will be my version of glee so everyone gets solos and Rachel can’t hog the spotlight. Also, this is about to be super long (both post wise and episode wise).
Let’s open the first episode with
...Ready For It because the New Directions are in their reputation era. Santana does the opening cough centerstage. Everyone in black and/or camo green outfits (can you just see Kurt in a dark green bedazzled snake jacket, Santana in a black leather dress, and Tina digging out some goth clothes for people to borrow?), snakes everywhere, but probably no Karyn (she just wouldn’t fit on the auditorium stage). Santana takes the first verse but we have Blaine step up for verse 2. (I just love their friendship in the Michael tribute, cute little badasses are BACK. Also him singing “Burton to this Taylor” is such a Klaine thing to do).
Everyone is still dressed in their rep outfits but we’re in the choir room now. Mr. Schue is talking about why Taylor had to disappear and clap back with rep, how rough the industry is for women and tries to uplift the ladies in the room and encourage them to not silence their voices (cue snarky comment from Santana about Rachel needing to be silent).
Then, Mr. Schue goes on about how you can only understand how Taylor got to her rep era by studying her earlier music. So we have a performance of Tim McGraw. Simple, front of the choir room performance, maybe Puck does guitar, and sitting on stools.
Everyone is surprised to find out how pumped Sam is for this assignment but he is all over it. “It's about time we did some country in this room.” Cue Sam and Quinn at her locker talking about their ‘date’ last night, Sam’s all cute and teasing and Quinn is not into it. She tells him it was fun but she was wrong, they shouldn’t do this again. In turn, he does a wonderful performance of Bye Bye Baby. He thought it was more but clearly he’s “a part of her past.”
Then, we’re in the empty choir room. Tina and Mike are there. (I love their cutesy duets) They sing Everything Has Changed and it’s utterly adorable. Can’t you hear Mike asking Tina if she’s “good to go” like Ed does? And while we’re on the subject of cute duets and RED, we flash to the courtyard to see Santana and Brittany. They turn Stay Stay Stay into a duet. “I’ve been loving you for quite some time,” “before you I only dated self-indulgent takers who took all their problems out on me,” “no one else is gonna love me when I’m mad, mad, mad,” and “it’s occurring to me that I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life” it’s perfect for them. Adorable ladies kisses are had.
Let’s toss in some boy drama for fun. Idk shit about football but somehow Puck is praised by their coach over Finn, which gets him all pissy, and Puck’s upset and jealous because Finn is back with Quinn now (this is why Quinn shut Sam now earlier, she changed her mind). Can we say duet of Bad Blood? “So if you’re coming my way...just don’t.”
After their dramatics, we have a Brittany solo in the choir room. It’s after school at this point (or whenever glee club is). Brittany does You’ll Always Find You Way Back Home.
When she finishes Mr. Schue tries to explain that it’s a Hannah Montana song. Britt injects that it’s confusing how she’s really Miley Cryus “like how can you be two people at once?”. Before Mr. Schue can continue, Kurt pipes up “you never specified that the songs had to be sung by Taylor Swift, just that they were her songs.” Mercedes adds, “yeah, Mr. Schue, Taylor wrote that song.” Mr. Schue concedes that he has once again been outwitted by Kurtcedes. The friends do their little hand shake thing.
With a sigh, Mr. Schue asks Mike if he’s ready to go and Mike asks to take things to the auditorium for some dancing room. Everyone’s on stage with him and it’s kind of a group number but Mike is the focus. It’s Shake It Off. All inspired by the music video. He’s tried to fit in elsewhere (i.e. football, with the smart kids, etc..) but he’s really himself in glee when he’s dancing.
Part 2 of Taylor Tribute Episodes
We begin with an ALL GIRL NUMBER of A Place In This World. Just because.
Glee is dismissed and we zoom in on Artie. He’s watching Tina with Mike and Brittany with Santana. Both Tina and Britt have broken his heart by this point. So, he’s rolling down the halls singing A Perfectly Good Heart. While Artie’s soloing, we cut to Rachel watching Finn and Quinn chatting. Artie’s song playing over this scene. Rachel is feeling similar to him at the moment.
She’s pretty sure Finn dumped her to be with Quinn again even though Kurt and Blaine told her they saw Quinn and Sam at the movies last night together making out in the back row. Fine, if that’s how he’s going to be, she doesn’t need him anyway. Cue Mr. Perfectly Fine. Uber dramatic solo performance walking around McKinley’s halls watching Finn and Quinn together ending in the auditorium alone. (see what I did there, both broken hearted peeps singing a song with Perfectly in it (this was not at all planned, actually, happy accident))
After some good old heartbreak, we have Kurt and Blaine on screen. Blaine walks into the auditorium to see Kurt sitting on the edge of the stage. “What’s all the fuss?” he asks from the door. Kurt had texted him “EMERGENCY.” The band starts to play and Kurt just starts singing, Enchanted. It’s time to profess their love for each other, just like they sing Perfect together in the car, this duet needs no audience. Blaine catches up and sings while walking towards his boyfriend. It’s very reminiscent of past New Directions competitions where they come in from the back and make their way to the stage. “Wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you?” Kurt and Blaine both know the answer to that question now but just a few months ago they were both wondering that exact thing.
They kiss before we cut to Kurt and Blaine walking hand in hand into the choir room where everyone else is already. Mr. Schue is praising the performances thus far and of course asks Rachel if she’s ready to solo (some practice for her completion solo). This causes an uproar from Mercedes and Santana. Another classic argument of how she gets too many solos. Mr. Schue tries to shut them both down but Santana tells Rachel to watch her back, and we get three very different reactions to this.
All three girls storm out.
First, we visit Mercedes alone in the courtyard. This solo is all about being hurt over this great thing in her life (glee) and her being denied happiness within that club. Thus, Cold As You. (mostly to indulge myself because she’d blow us away with this song).
Next, Rachel in the auditorium. A huge bridge on stage (very Speak Now Tour of her), belting out Better Than Revenge. Santana’s dropped the last straw (the humiliation, name calling, Finn at one point and now solos,) it’s too much this time.
And finally, Santana walking around McKinley, showing us flashes of Rachel ‘outshining’ her and the rest of glee and Mr. Schue being unfair, while singing Look What You Made Me Do.
Tina walks out at the same time as Rachel, Mercedes, and Santana but no one seems to put two and two together. She feels just as underutilized as the latter two do. She ends up in an empty classroom and sings The Outside. “Nobody ever lets me in” and “on the outside looking in.”
Once the 3, err 4, divas have left the room, Finn sticks up for Rachel. Quinn, of course, has something to say about this along the lines of “you always defend her.” Finn, intimated by her ‘scary Quinn’ fumbles and blurts “because she’s my girlfriend” WHICH IS NOT TRUE AT THIS POINT. Quinn dumps him on the spot, cuts quickly to Blaine and Kurt sharing some ‘oh my god, can you believe this’ expressions, and vanishes from the room.
By this point, Rachel is long gone from the auditorium but the bridge is still there.
Here’s where we go way off script but imagine, Quinn has decided to just quit boys. They’ve all failed her anyway, she’s better off being alone. She walks up the bridge and thinks to herself “god Rachel’s so dramatic, where did this thing even come from” before it hits her “fuck, I’m as bad as Finn. I want her.” Then, she starts singing Clean to herself in the auditorium, likely tearing up throughout and ending with a good cry. (Because Dianna would DELIVER with Clean.)
While Quinn is having a sexuality crisis, the rest of glee is still happening. They’re discussing upcoming competition and debating solos and songs.
Kurt’s all: “Mr. Schue, if I may” and performs a lovely rendition of Call It What You Want. Those opening lines are too good. “My castle (ie McKinley) crumbled overnight, brought a knife to a gun fight (ie couldn’t fight off Dave Karofsky), “I’m doing better than I ever was ‘cause my baby’s fit like a daydream,” and “at least I did one thing right.” When he’s done, Blaine’s a mess in the back of the choir room, and Mr. Schue says: “not really what we’re looking for but very nice, Kurt” however, Kurt’s too busy sitting beside Blaine teasing him about blushing.
Then, the missing girls return to the room having sung out their emotions. Quinn, having realized her feelings for Rachel, ends up soloing You Belong With Me to the New Directions in the choir room. Odd looks all around, no one knows what’s up with her and why does she keep glancing at Rachel? (Faberry just fit so well I had to add it, don’t know if I’m a shipper or not but it’s here now) (also thanks to @spicygemini for pointing out the obvious “Quinn would have ate YBWY”).
Mr. Schue wants to move the group to the audition to perform their final number of the Taylor Swift tribute well but Tina asks to sing first. He’s surprised but allows it, taking a seat with the rest of the New Directions.
Tina sings Beautiful Ghosts. “Watch from the dark, wait for my life to start” because New Directions is refusing to use her talents AGAIN. She’s singing this to Rachel and the girls who were in the Treble Tones. Because she absolutely SMASHES this number, the glee kids agree she gets solo for their next competition (and they deliver on that promise).
To conclude Part 2 of the Taylor tribute episode, we have a group performance of Long Live. “One day we will be remembered”, “all the years we stood there on the sidelines wishing for right now”, “for a moment a band of thrives in ripped up jeans got to rule the world” ie wining completions, “when they look at the pictures please tell them my name...”
#this took so long please enjoy it#Taylor tribute glee episode#glee head canon#gleek swifie#glee#taylor swift
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Mister Perfectly Fine
Fearless - Taylor's Version (From The Vault)
As long as he's going, working his eight hours at the hospital, running from one meeting to the other, squeezing surgeries in every free minute he has or running behind the twins at home, everything is fine. As long as his mind is going he's perfectly fine. But as soon as his head hids the pillow or he sits down alone in his office and his mind starts to calms down he's not fine anymore. As soon as his mind stops thinking about the hospital he has to run, the patients he has to save or about his twins, his thoughts take over - thoughts he hates and loves at the same time. Deep thoughts that bring forth every kind of emotion in his body. Thoughts about her. The one good thing he had in his life for so long and now not anymore because he chose his kids. He chose his kids over her and after months he still doesn't know if it was the right or wrong decision. Since the day he left her, this thought lives in his head like a parasite, never leaving him. In every quiet second his mind goes back to this decision and everything involved in it and makes him go nuts. But not only his mind goes crazy also his heart. He could cry everytime he thinks about her and the potential future he lost by leaving her. He could beat himself at the thought of how much he hurt her - again. It beats him up that he not only broke the vow he gave her not to long before he left but that he broke the biggest promise he ever gave her - to always be her home and to never leave her. He knew that this was and still is her biggest insecurity. Way to many people left her or pushed her aside like she was nothing and Alex promised to himself, pretty early in their relationship, that he would never do that to her. But he did, more than once.
Every quiet minute his heart aches at his biggest lost he ever experienced and at the unconditional love he had received from her daily and now never will again.
Of course his kids love him and he knows that Izzie does too in some way but it's just not the same. It's not the kind of love that overfills his heart with warmth every day. The kind of love that let him growl at the ceiling, fake break up in front of a whole hospital, that is ok with going jail to prevent someone from having to testify, that puts on fake vampire teeth and marries someone for a second time after a crappy day at work. The kind of love that, now that it's gone, makes him realise how big of an impact it had on him, his mind and his heart. Because now that it's gone, his body wants it back like a drug. But nothing, sadly not even his kids, can fill his empty heart completely. There's always this whole that nothing can fill.
And so everytime his mind gets the chance to calm down it craves for the drug he can't consume. She is 1800 miles away, living her life like he should too - but he just can't, not really.
He leans back in his chair starring at the picture of the twins that's standing on his office desk right beside his work laptop. Their silly faces smile towards the camera. He loves his kids, they are one of the best things that ever happened to him but every time he looks at them he can't stop but wonder what his and Jo's kids would have been like. If they would have had a little boy first, who was through and through a mommas boy or if they would have had a little girl first, who would have looked like a carbon copy of Jo and would have adored her daddy to death. Or if they would have had both; twins - silly and foul-mouthed but still the cutes little angels.
He hates those uncontrolled, silent thoughts of what if. He hates that he secretly wishes things were different. He hates that he's not fine when he should be.
He loosens his stare from the only picture on his desk and turns his chair to reach for the lowest drawer of his desk - like he did so many times before. He opens it to take the only item out and carefully strokes his thumb over the wooden frame until it hits the silky red ribbon he never took off. Starring at the picture in the frame, memories of one of the best days in his life play in his head. From her excited face when she showed up at Mer's house, to her excitingly kissing Arizona, to her storming into his dressing room mocking him for something she thought he did, to her loud, pure laugh in the shed, her soft lips on his after they said I do, to her sleepy smile as he picked her up to carry her bridal stile through their loft door.
Everything about this day was perfect even though nothing went according to plan. But that was so them. Nothing in their six years together ever went according to plan. If it would have, he would have married her a year into their relationship. They would have started making babies immediately and would now live in a big suburban house with their five kids, two dogs and probably some fish. But it's not, their life didn't go according to plan, they had some massive bumps in their road - their ups and downs, they broke up and found their way back together, they had their difficult paths to navigate through but they did it and it made them stronger - as a person and as a couple. He always thought that nothing could ever break them. And he loved the thought of getting old with Jo and to die with her at his side once they were wrinkly and grey. Now everything changed and it's his fault.
Looking at the big smile on her face, the urge to call her comes over him - to hear her voice, to talk to her about everything he hates right now.
Way to many times the thinks of just dialing her number and calling her. The thought of hearing her voice again makes his heart flutter. He misses her. He misses talking to her. He misses his friend he can tell everything. He misses their lazy nights curled up in each other's arms on the couch, a trashy reality show in the background, while they just talk - about everyone and everything for hours without loosing a topic.
He also misses her silly self. Her bad jokes that she thought were hilarious. Her face when she told them. Her pure laugh after she told them. When they were alone she never took herself to serious. She was one hundred percent herself around him. Joking, laughing, running around without pans and only one of his shirts on.
He's not gonna lie, he also misses her body. Her perfect body - her ass, her boobs, her mouth, her smell, her hair, her perfect hands that she loved to bury in his hair. He loves and misses every bit of her. He misses what her body was able to do to his. How her hand in his neck was able to give him goosebumps on his entire body. How her presence when she walked into a room, made his stomach flutter. How her lips on his let him forget everything. How her curled up in his arms, close against his body made him love her even more. It wasn't just the amazing sex he misses, it is her.
He puts the picture down on his desk running his hands over his face. He never thought that he could miss someone this much - and he had lost a lot of people over time.
The little knock on his door let him sit up straight again. He quickly puts the picture back in the drawer and closes it before he let's the person come inside.
"Doctor Karev. You wanted to speak me?"
"Doctor Jones. Yeah, please sit down." He points to the chairs in front of his desk to let the resident sit. "I heard you were at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle. Tell me how it was."
"Oh. It was amazing. I've never seen a this innovative and cutting edge hospital before. No offense." The brunette smiles a little nervous as she sits down in front of her boss.
"Absolutely not. I know how good it is. I learned in that hospital and worked there for many years." Alex replies with a little, toothless smile.
"Really? I never knew that." She answers surprised.
"So tell me a little bit. What did you do while you were there? Who did you meet?" Alex asks, interested in hearing about his former colleagues and friends.
"Oh I- Ok on the first day I was in their ER. Doctor Hunt showed me around and I assisted him. The second day I met the Doctor Meredith Grey. God she's everything, but I guess you know that. She showed me around the ICU and I met Doctor Webber and Doctor Bailey. On the third day I was in ortho and met Doctor Lincoln, he's amazing. Well they call him Ortho-God for a reason. My third day I was with Doctor Sheppard. She showed me her newest scans and let me join in on an operation. The last day I was with Doctor Hayes on the Peds floor. He was so nice and showed me around the NICU and PICU. I also met Doctor DeLuca and Doctor Wilson there, they were both so nice and showed me some of their cute little pacients." She smiles after finishing.
"Sorry, Doctor Wilson?" He asks a little confused.
"Yeah. She was so nice. She showed and explained me everything and let me hold one of her patients. She was so cute. The baby not Doctor Wilson. I mean Doctor Wilson is pretty cute too, especially when she's talking to her little patients but that's not the point, right?" She laughs.
"I guess I missed something, little patients? What is she doing on the Peds floor?" Alex asks again, trying to get every single little bit of information from the resident.
"Well that's where OB/Gyn's are sometimes, right?" She shrugs.
"Wait. OB/Gyn?" Now he's confused. Did Jo change specialties or was the resident in front of him talking about someone completely different?
"Yeah. Oh right. She was a general surgeon before but changed specialties during the pandemic. She told me everything when we were having lunch. She said she needed some joy in her life after her husband left her and she found that in OB so she changed specialties." Doctor Jones clarifies, with a smile.
"Thank you." Alex nods, to signal the brunette that he got all the information he wanted.
"Ahm sure. Anything else, Doctor Karev?" She asks before she stands up to leave.
"No. It's good to hear you had a great time in Seattle." He gives her a toothless smile before he leans forwards.
"I did. Thank you again for letting me do that."
"No problem."
As the door closes he leans back in his chair again. Thinking about what Doctor Jones just told him.
He's happy that she's happy. That she found new joy in her life. That's everything he needs to know. He needs her to be fine. Even though he misses her even more now and is not fine, he is happy that she is fine.
-
It’s finally Taylor Swift x Jolex Week! So excited for all the stories. Here’s mine, hope you like it.
Enjoy!
-
@odd-birds-and-booksellers @doc-pickles @angry-slytherin @cicinicole-14 @mac-andcheeses @renipedia @jobrookekarev @kidneys4karev @only-freaking-sunflowers @iamtrebleclefstories
#jolex#fan4196#fanfic#fanfiction#jo x alex#alex#alex karev#grey's#grey's anatomy#grey's fanfic#TSjolexWeek21
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nananananana (210331 VLIVE)
taehee bites back a grin as fans enter the live. “hello everyoneeee,” she greets softly, her cheekbones lifting into a soft smile. “i’m in the practice room once again.”
“i was just learning a dance actually, it’s my break right now so this’ll probably be short,” she mentions. “and then i turned on vlive without asking permission— well, i did ask permission after i... turned it on,” she giggles. “she’s gonna say yes anyways. no one can say no to me,” the comments section blows up after she sent a sly wink to the viewers. she knew her effect on them one way or another.
mark lee i love you HELLO THE TITLE?? IS THIS A SPOILER???
lee donghyuck’s long hair i only entered the live but i feel like crying T—T why must she be so cute
taeyongbub taehee in the practice room is so attractive??? wth???
taehee tucks a few strands behind her ear asking, “did you guys have dinner already? have you guys eaten?”
mataechan what did taehee eat today?
hyuckschurros PIZZA !!!!
“aw, pizza? i’m craving now,” she shortly puts on a pout before a smile shows itself once again. “i haven’t eaten but i think i’ll have........ um,” taehee seems to think for a moment as she looks up the ceiling, trying to remember what jungwoo said she’d have at the dorms.
“i can’t remember,” she shrugs, proceeding to continue reading the comments.
jungwoo tehet are you going to dance again?
aussiechan TAEHEEEE !!! come home to australia :(
svtzen DREAM SPOILERS PLEASEE
“the dance that me and my teacher did today was to party favors by tinashe! i have to practice some more to get it right but i’m,” she stands up and dusts off her track pants, placing the phone on the floor in front of the mirror, “going to show you guys the part where i’m most confident in.”
she disappears as she goes to the side to play the music, and the strong beats of tinashe’s party favors fills the practice room. she adjusts her pants around her waist and runs a hand through her black hair, ruffling her bangs for a moment before getting into position.
she dances. no matter how hard-hitting the choreography is, taehee knew well how to control her own body, and gracefully yet powerfully sync her movements to the beats.
taehee marry me she’s so hot what the heck do i do
markcity i’m single for this reason only
fullsunnn THIS IS WHY WE NEED A TAEHEE SOLO ASAP !!!
from the corner of her eye, taehee sees her dance instructor imitate the part where she got the dance wrong during their practice, causing her to lose focus and burst into laughter.
ncityinthehouse everyone, the duality of miss jeon taehee
“unnie is laughing at me right now!” taehee giggles. her eyes glance to the side then back to the screen. “yes so, until there did i memorize the dance. i’ll try to post on instagram the full version of it. oh!” she claps her hands excitedly, a habit nctzens took note of before she says an idea.
“since it’s a wednesday today and! the end of the month, you guys can comment whatever you guys want me to do or any question you want to ask and i’ll answer them.”
“i’m going to scroll with my eyes closed and whatever my finger lands on will be picked,” she cutely asks if the viewers got it before briefly explaining what she just said in english.
“i’ll give you guys maybe 30 seconds? is 30 seconds enough? okay, ready and start!”
taehee bobbed her head as she counted the numbers in her head. “30! okay, i’ll close my eyes now.”
juhfahm skincare routine?
merrymark give us a phone tour :D
twiceyeon please watch switch to me by dahyun and chaeyoung !!!! <3
“from twiceyeon,” taehee reads, putting her emcee mode on. “please watch switch to me by dahyun and chaeyoung! ohh i think i’ve seen this on my recommended but i haven’t had the time to watch it— sorry, chaeyoung-ah,” she winces.
you can hear keys being tapped on taehee’s phone screen as she typed the title on youtube’s search bar. the music video appears a few seconds later and she immediately clicks on it.
“oooo dahyun-ssi is very pretty,” taehee says. her expression quickly changes when she sees the twice member use her foot as she played the piano, her hand going up to cover the giggles that escaped out of her. “this is so cool,” she beamed.
“oh sexy!” taehee exclaims after chaeyoung appeared. “i really like chaengie’s short hair.”
she compliments the set when the scene changes, a summer pool vibe replacing the vintage set-up at the intro. “the dance is cute too,” she mumbles.
she smiles at chaeyoung and dahyun’s playfulness in the music video before moving on to compliment her best friend again. “chaeyoung is seriously so pretty... whaaat!”
taehee continues to watch the rest of the video as she moves to the beat, occasionally letting out a chuckle or two at the adorableness of the duo.
“hold on,” she grabs her earphones and plugs them into her phone. “(it’s) to avoid copyright,” she smirks.
taehee finishes the music video with a grin on her face, “the music video was very cute! did they perform this on stage? i think the stage set and the fits would’ve been pretty.”
“speaking of music videos, baekhyun hyung’s new album just dropped yesterday! have you guys watched the music video?” taehee shuffles closer to the camera to read the comments. almost everyone was saying that they did, in fact, watch the music video and really enjoyed it.
“i never said this directly to him but i really am a fan of his, seriously,” she dictates. taehee breaks into a grin as she giggles again, the viewers watching how her eyes twinkled while she talked. “‘bambi’ is really great— it’s immaculate. you guys should stream the whole album and recommend it to your family and friends. baekhyunie hyung never fails to deliver (good songs).”
bbhubblegum taehee promoting baekhyun and other artists better than sm pt. 74628392
going on her phone, she mumbles, “and i really like the choreography of his songs.” there was an adorable pout to her lips as she spoke, much to the amusement of the viewers.
then she looks up from the device in her hands and her eyes hold a certain glint in them before she playfully squints. “just be quiet about this though. i am never gonna hear the end of this from him,” she shakes her head with an amused chuckle, recalling all the times baekhyun teased her and the ‘admiration’ she has for him.
“you’re my only bambi bambi,” taehee sang effortlessly. “it’s a perfect night for you,” her tone was a little softer this time.
“okay so that was our first request? dare? of the live, let’s get to the next one right away!”
taeheeroar do you listen to the neighborhood?
wooyoungification do you want to collab with anyone? if so, who?
“the next one is.... wooyoungification! ooo wooyoung-ah hello,” taehee says, prolonging the last syllable of her sentence. “they asked, “do you want to collab with anyone? if so, who?”
“well,” she clears her throat, furrowing her eyebrows as if she were in thought. “there are a lot of great artists out there. taylor swift is already my answer by default but,” she giggles again, “if i have to think of people outside sm, i think it’d be nice to have a collab with stray kids’ 3racha. they’re their producing unit if i’m not mistaken. it’d be fun to work with them.”
“i also had this dream of having a collaboration stage with the other dancers outside nct, like blackpink’s lisa or seulgi unnie. would you guys want that?”
midzyseason this isnt good for my gay ass
reveluvbar can taehee just take over sm
taehee hums, “i think i never mentioned it before but i wanna try doing drama ost’s too. i don’t watch as much dramas as i do before, but when i was still learning korean, they helped me so much.”
“i watched ‘guardian: the lonely and great god’ a lot and i really liked ‘stay with me’. hopefully, i can collab with punch too.”
taehee unconsciously moves her lips to the side, forming another pout and thinks again. “from sm, i think kai hyung? not counting superm, okay?” she beams.
“kai hyung and,” then a snort escapes taehee before she could even stop it, “baekhyun hyung.”
she puts a hand to her chest once she recovers from her mini-giggling fit before holding it up and swearing it was the truth. “these two were the ones that came to the top of my head, seriously.”
beansprout lolll remember when kai used to “complain” about taehee ever only talking about sehun cause he was the one she was closest to in exo when they first met ?
sodangerous it’s so touching how taehee looked up to exo while she was still a trainee and now they’re like family
taehee nods and bites her bottom lip, asking herself, “why do i feel like a youtuber?”
she smiles to someone off screen and quickly glances back to the camera, “next question!”
asteroidsung what did you get for renjun’s birthday?
“what did i get for renjun’s birthday? i just gave mine literally yesterday. i know it’s summer but i gave him a hoodie that i thought would look cute on him,” she smiles. “it was pink.”
“i was with haechanie when i bought it.”
chenlezoned hyuck said he’s gonna marry daegal next month
“hyuck’s gonna marry who now?!” taehee exclaims, “DAEGAL’S A MINOR!!!”
dreamtopia BYEEEEEEE
themissingpuzzlepiece everyone at haechan marrying daegal:❓❓meanwhile taehee: 🌋🌋⁉️
boohoohyuck sending my prayers to lee haechan
just then, taehee’s phone suddenly rings and her eyes widen at the caller id displayed on the screen. “wow, this dude’s timing is really! spot-on.”
she puts the speaker on, “donghyuck-ah, what’s this i’m hearing that you’re marrying daegal?? are you leaving me and chubs already?! oh and you’re on speaker.”
fullseun don’t you just cry on the inside when markhee calls hyuck by his real name or fullsun
you hear haechan’s boisterous laughter first before he could answer taehee’s question. “i talked about that on vlive,” he said, “where are you?”
“i’m doing vlive.”
“but it’s almost midnight.”
when taehee makes no move to answer, haechan goes, “are you in the practice room again?”
“so?” taehee answers sassily, causing the boy on the other end of the line to groan.
“noona, we talked about this already,” haechan whines. “then we can talk about it again later!” taehee shrugs exasperatedly. “noona....” the former warns, as if he was scolding a child. “i’m just on a break,” she gives in, “i’ll go home soon.”
“promise?” taehee rolls her eyes, though it was clear that she was grateful for haechan’s concern by the soft smile she held on her face. “i promise.”
taehyuckles i know i wished for a taehyuck live but this will suffice Gosh they are so cute !!!!!!
“you haven’t said hello to czennie,” taehee reminds him. “czennie, hello!!” he greets sweetly.
“anyways, i just called you because you agreed to playing a few rounds with me but i’ll just wait for you until you get home,” taehee winces at his statement. she might have forgotten. “oh right, i’m sorry. just a few more minutes?” haechan hums affirmatively from the other end.
“get home safely, noonaaa,” after they exchanged their goodbyes, taehee hangs up the call.
“yes, okay! everyone that was lee haechan on the phone with me and i think i can do,” she turns her back to look at the wall clock in the practice room, “three more comments.”
yangqied taehee’s an idol in the day, pro-gamer by night
“okay, so our next question is: are you friends with aespa? yes! i am friends with aespa,” she beamed.
“i actually saw them the day before their debut stage. my time slot in the practice room was after theirs and so we met there,” taehee recalls. “they’re very pretty! and they look cool when they danced to ‘black mamba’. i wished them luck on their debut stage,” she chuckles.
taehee closes her eyes and proceeds to swipe at the screen, “next question is... oh! i dare you to post on instagram. okay, let me find some photos and show you guys so we can all vote.”
“i’ll send them on bubble but i’ll show it here too in case you guys don’t have a subscription. that’s okay.”
markerlee tb to when taehee sent her pcs to bubble... she really said fuck capitalism !!!!
“okay, option 1: this one,” she brings her phone up to the screen, showing a picture of her with the bird filter on mac.
jisungbye I LIKE THIS ONEEE
kunniekunkun this one’s cute!!!
moloism markhee pls post ur photos with the mac filters im begging you
“orrrr this one,” she faces her phone towards the camera once more. she was sitting on the pavement with the view of the orange-pink sunset behind her, a mask concealing half of her face.
the127thsense everything just screams girlfriend material to me
deryqueen taehee, i am free this friday. i repeat, i am free this friday.
solhyuck i think you should post these as a set on instagram!
“what should i post on instagram? everyone choose between 1 or 2!” taehee tells them in korean, before switching to english. “you guys pick between the first one and the second one, and i’ll post it on instagram.”
oncezenni 2
flamboyanthyuck the second one!
ohmajesus i like the first one
iamjeno second pleaseee
“mm okay, most of you are voting for the second one so i’ll be posting that first thing tomorrow! and then i’ll just send the other one on bubble,” taehee puts her pinky finger up as she speaks, making a promise to the viewers.
“how many was that? two already?” a pout subtly makes its way on taehee’s lips and a few of her hair strands fell in front of her face, causing her to push them back as she huffed. nctzens found it adorable!
takeoffbesttrack can i kiss you.
“can you kiss me?” taehee presses her lips on the tips of her fingers before lightly tapping them on the screen. “i,” one of the corners of her mouth raises to a smirk, “kissed you.”
mahaecries GODDDD
tenvely you will be the death of me
deryqueen AGAIN TAEHEE I AM FREE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT !!!!!!!!!!
taehee giggles after seeing the comment section blow up and her dimples peek out from her cheeks.
“i’m gonna have to end this soon, guys. this is the last one, okay?”
haecity can you go live with markhyuck?
snoopyscoop do you have any more funny stories with jungwoo?
taromilktea did you see sungchan when he debuted as an emcee?
“did i go see sungchan when he debuted as emcee? nooo,” she frowns, “but i did call him on facetime.”
“he said he was nervous but i told him he’d do great! and he did, right?” taehee’s frown was quickly turned into a proud grin. “i watched a replay of it on youtube the day after. he was very cute.”
“i told him to just think of it like he was talking to us so he’s more comfortable, and he told me it helped a lot so i’m relieved,” she nods. “i sent him churros too!”
taehee shuffles closer to the camera and brings her knees close to her chest while she talks, “please support him! i know sungchanie’s glad to have received this opportunity that’s why he’s been practicing diligently.”
taehee reads a few more comments and smiles at the funny ones. the humor of nctzens never fail to make her smile. the memes they send during menpas are so hilarious that she can’t help but reply to most of them.
taeheespresident i guess she’s gonna end the live now? :(
jungwootehet it’s nearing 1 am and i still have school tomorrow...... whoops!
“i’ll have to go now guys, it was nice doing all this with you,” taehee softly mumbles.
“i like this idea of having you guys comment what you would want me to do ‘cause i’m able to connect with you guys more, i’ll try to do a live again soon.”
“the weather’s nice here in korea— well at least for me,” she chuckles, “it rained recently but it might be hot? in other places so please remember to stay hydrated and drink lots of water.”
“also wear your masks and keep social distancing! we’re not only trying to protect ourselves but we have to stop the spreading of it all so,” taehee gives another small smile at the camera as she reminds the people to be careful, “stay safe.”
after a few beats of silence, taehee speaks again. “okay so, until here is taehee’s nananananana live!” she sings while doing the infamous choreo of ‘go’.
empathy127 I KNEW IT WAS FROM GO !!!!
“good night! or good morning to those who are starting their day right now,” she adds, “goodnight! we’ll see you guys soon.”
taehee does her infamous ily hand gesture and winks at the camera before waving bye and ending the livestream.
#taehee.sns#nct#nct 127#nct dream#nct u#wayv#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct blurbs#nct reactions#nct x reader#nct au#nct female member#nct female addition#kpop female addition#kpop female oc
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The Muses - The Best Day
Kaz Brekkker x Original Characters (Platonic characters) : The Muses - The Best Day
Summary : Kaz hears a song of his sadness and is reminded of his past by three sisters
Warnings : A fight scene, angst, mention of Jordie.
Hi everyone, this is inspired by Taylor Swift's 'The Best Day' (Taylor's Version). The lyrics are Taylor Swift's, I just made a few adjustments to suit the story. This fic idea was in my head for sometime and I wanted to write it so here we are! This is my first time writing a Kaz Brekker fic so I hope I did him justice and please be gentle with me. I hope you all like it.
Ketterdam was gloomy as Kaz walked through its smoky and grimy atmosphere when he heard and saw a crowd that had not been there in that spot the day before clapping and applauding as they threw coins.
Generally, he would just ignore and move past the busy bustle. He didn't care unless it bought something of profit to him. He was just about to walk away when he heard an enthusiastic voice that the crowd had gathered around ask "Happy or sad?"
"What kind of stupid question is that?" thought Kaz curiously as he drew towards the crowd who chanted "HAPPY!"
Kaz raised his eyebrows slightly as he walked through the tide of people that were attracted to this spectacle and saw three girls smiling brightly at them. The first was about seven years old, too young and too naive to be roaming about the dangerous streets of Ketterdam as she clutched onto the skirts of her older sister who was about Kaz age, her dark chestnut brown hair falling down her shoulders as she smiled at her younger sister who seemed to be about fifteen years old as she smiled mischievously at the crowd. They were all dressed in colorful but worn out skirts and blouses as they sought out money for to make a living.
"Orphans." concluded Kaz as he eyed the three of them. It was unlikely for Kaz to be distracted but something about the question had drawn him to them as he waited expectantly for them to show what them so special that they attracted so many people, tourists and passerby that flocked around them in fascination.
The oldest began to play a guitar
"I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on. I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you." began the little and youngest girl with a soft and sweet voice that immediately allured everyone as she smiled up at her big sister who was playing the guitar but grinned at her "I run and run past the pumpkin patch and the cart rides, look now the sky is gold."
She slung her arms around her oldest sister's waist as she sang sweetly "I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home."
Suddenly Kaz felt his heart ache with unbearable loneliness and misery. He could feel the soot and smoke of Ketterdam change and suddenly there he was back in the long winding green pastures and tall trees as he hugged Jordie who would tell him the most silliest stories under the shade of trees as the sunlight filtered through.
"I don't know why all the trees change in the fall. But I know you're not scared of anything at all." sang the little girl with hope and optimism in her eyes as she looked with hero worship at her oldest sister making Kaz want to beat someone to death. He couldn't breathe as for a brief moment he saw Jordie grin but then he vanished as Kaz realized it was only the oldest sister smiling. Kaz wanted the youngest sister to understand that her oldest sister was scared and it was inevitable that she was going to let him down one day. He had trusted Jordie who promised that their luck was changing and then everything had changed for the worst.
"Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away." sang the little girl hopefully as Kaz tore his eyes away from her because she reminded him of the little naive stupid boy he had been "But I know I had the best day with you today."
The fifteen year old picked up the song where it had been left as she started singing in her rich voice with a mischievous smile "I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean."
Kaz saw a vivid picture in his head of the story spun by the song as he eyed the second sister who looked fondly at her oldest sister "I come home crying and you hold me tight and take the cart."
"And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away." sang the fifteen year old girl with a grin as she spun around dramatically making everyone laugh "And we talk and window shop, till I've forgotten all their names."
Kaz heart clenched as he remembered how Jordie and him had first arrived in Ketterdam, with a cheque sewn in the coat and ambitious to make it. He remembered how they were just two farm boys dazzled by the lights and vibrance of the Ketterdam as they would walk through all of the hustle and bustle, looking at the intriguing and pretty things in the shops and how Jordie would buy him omelette to eat from the omelette stands. Those days seemed to be a picture in his mind, frozen behind glass but to the little boy who believed in magic and held his brother's hand, it was the best days of his life.
"I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school. But I know I'm laughing on the cart ride home with you." sang the fifteen year old girl mischievously as she nudged her oldest sister and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek making her sisters laugh while the crowd fawned over them.
Kaz heart clenched painfully as he looked at the three sisters grinning as he thought of Jordie "Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay but I know I had the best day with you today!"
Kaz eyes fell on the oldest sister who strummed the guitar contentedly as she began to sing alluringly and powerfully "I have an excellent father. His strength is making me stronger. The Saints smile on my little sisters. Inside and out, they are better than I am."
"We can agree on that." thought Kaz breathlessly, thankful for his cane for his knees had buckled when he had heard the oldest sister sing for the first time. Her voice was lovely and powerful yet made him feel at peace, something that he thought he would never encounter in this godforsaken town full of bloodshed and chaos. She was a siren in human form and he couldn't stop himself from being drawn to her as he listened to her alluring singing.
"I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run and I had the best days with you." sang the oldest sister sweetly as she looked at her sisters with a lovely smile.
"There's a memory I remembered from back when I was three." sang the fifteen old girl theatrically pretending to think but it wasn't insincere. There was a true sincerity and warmth in this song that drew everyone who needed it the most. "You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me."
It was painful for Kaz to listen as he felt himself drown in the ocean of memories full of Jordie. Jordie laughing. Jordie smiling. Jordie ruffling his hair. Jordie chasing him through the farm -
The little girl sang as she clutched onto her sister's waist as the crowd sank and settled into the warmth of the song "It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and seven dwarfs."
Jordie and Kaz Rietvald. Until he let Kaz down.
"And daddy's smart and mother's the prettiest lady in the whole wide world." sang the oldest sister with a reminiscent soft smile but Kaz felt the sadness in her voice.
"And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall." sang the three of them together warmly with soft and sweet smiles as they looked at each other "I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong."
"And I love you for giving me your eyes, staying back and watching me shine and I didn't know if you knew..." sang all three of them together as the song came to an end and Kaz looked at the sky with hidden tears as sudden sentiment and warmth engulfed him as he thought of Jordie who was watching over him "So I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today."
He always had control over his emotions but he swallowed his lump of emotions as he looked at the three girls who had no idea of the impact they had over the cold hearted Bastard of the Barrel.
Everyone was applauding and throwing kruge to their hats as they bowed and thanked them as the fifteen year old said "Oh thank you, thank you, you're generous! You've been marvelous!"
"I'm Isabelle" said the second oldest with a charming grin as she winked cheekily.
"I'm Dora." said the little young one
"And I'm Lily." said the oldest girl with a smile "We're the Muses!"
Kaz took a few kruge from his pocket and discreetly slipped it into Lily's hat.
This did not go unnoticed by her as her eyes widened slightly but she smiled warmly and gratefully at him. He didn't smile back, he didn't even know what possessed him to give his precious kruge to them. He had expected them to be mediocre just like the morons who tried to make it in the Barrel but failed. But there was something different about them, they exuded the warmth of home and understanding that the Barrel was deprived of.
As they collected their money stuffing them into their coats Kaz saw Councilman Romkan march through the crowds. Judging by his displeased facial expression, he was not here to pay the girls to perform at a concert.
"You! You are being a public disturbance and menace!"
"Ah Councilman Romkan, judging by your face that economy isn't in your favor eh?" asked the Isabelle cheekily with a salute as the Lily strummed a merry tune on her guitar "How can we help?"
Kaz noticed Dora sneaking away as she used the chaos to her advantage "Stop singing! You have no talent at all!"
"You should quit being a Councilman. You promise justice but you are cruel to those most in need!" stated Lily in a steely and cold voice with no warmth as everyone around her gasped. She didn't flinch but stood her ground and Kaz lips twitched slightly in admiration as she raised her eyebrows at the reddened Councilman "I thought we were being truthful."
"Arrest the little thieves for stealing the money!"
But Lily merely gasped as she looked at her sister pointing an accusing finger at her "You stole the money!? YOU STOLE THE MONEY? Guards, arrest her!
"You dare impugn my honor? She was the one who was stealing!" exclaimed Isabelle dramatically as she shoved her sister while Kaz rolled his eyes but watched this amusing scene unfold where the guards seemed to be clueless as to who to arrest "ARREST HER! SHE TRICKED THESE INNOCENT PEOPLE AND TOOK THEIR MONEY!"
Lily looked outraged "I'm the thief? Why don't you take a look at the mirror?"
"You better give them back the money you stole or -" began Isabelle theatrically as the whole crowd cheered when she seized a sword from a guard "En guard!"
Kaz knew he should be moving because time was money but he really wanted to see how this ended. He noticed that Councilman Romkan had lost control of the situation, the guards didn't know what to do and the two sisters were putting on a dramatic show for the purpose of enticing and entertaining the crowd who were now loving them as they cheered for the two sisters to cut each other to ribbons, the Councilman forgotten. He was curious to see how they would get out of this.
"Oh you are challenging me? I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death!" snapped Lily as she took a rapier from another guard who was startled but did nothing to stop it.
She waved the rapier at her sister with a challenging smirk as everyone gasped and cheered when the swords clashed as Lily said loudly "Any last words?"
"I will cut you into pieces and feed you to the dogs!" snarled Isabelle as she pushed away her sister who was suppressing a grin.
Meanwhile Kaz didn't know whether to be annoyed, exasperated or simply amused at the sensational shenanigans these two were pulling. It was obvious to him that they weren't really fighting each other, they are distracting the crowd so they could get out of trouble. They didn't fight like enemies, they just bickered as they acted theatrically and dramatically as if they now hated each others guts when they just wanted to escape the mess they were in.
"Oh all talk, no action. Let your sword prove your words!"
"I will! Take that" yelled Isabelle as she swung her sword which her sister ducked as they blocked their attacks impressing Kaz as they made their way through the square.
Isabelle jumped on the table of a coffee house as she swung her sword at her sister who blocked it as they both jumped from table to table making their way to a house "You little mincing barrel rat!"
They could act, Kaz would give them that. Their true calling was on stage, not groveling in a dirty streets of Ketterdam. He hadn't been to a theatre but this was the best show he had seen in a long time and it took only just two mad, funny and loyal sisters who had captured the attention of their audience who were now gasping and squealing and cheering, worried for the actors in the stage.
Kaz raised his eyebrows as his lips twitched when they fought each other as they climbed the crates leading to the roof of a house as both of them made it onto the roof and the crates fell down.
"Cheat!"
"Liar!"
"Thief!"
"That's a compliment in Ketterdam!"
Kaz was impressed at how they maintained balance while fighting each other and finally Isabelle acquired Lily's sword and the crowd who had been holding a breath let out thunderous cheers as Isabelle pointed the sword at Lily's throat. Kaz lips twitched as Lily rolled her eyes and he knew what was going to happen next.
Lily brushed the dirt off her clothes as she announced over the applause with a bright grin "Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw!"
Isabelle handed over a sword to her sister as she twirled her own sword with a smile as she bowed "Thank you all for coming! You've been great!"
Lily grinned like an idiot as she blew kisses to their beloved audience "We couldn't have done it without you! See you soon!"
Kaz' eyes burned in hidden curiousity hoping the wouldn't do something so stupid... And in that moment, Lily's eyes met his as he raised his eyebrows at her.
Oh in the name of his precious kruge, they were going to do it.
The two sisters waved at the crowd as they laughed in amusement as they jumped from the roof to the other side ignoring the shouts of the guards as they grinned at their little sister Dora who was waiting for them. They hugged Dora glad they were all safe and decided to do what they always did.
Run without looking back and laugh without holding back.
Because everyday spent with each other was the best day ever.
Kaz stared at the rooftop where the two sisters had previously stood as he heard the echoes of their amused laughter at having fooled everyone and escaped with their lives. He briefly wondered whether they were alright but it was none of his business. It was not his business to care about every poor orphan that scuttled around in the Barrel unless they were valuable to him.
For a brief moment, he felt the joy and amusement, the warmth of home and understanding that he had felt back when Jordie was alive.
But then he shut it out.
Because he could not afford to be sentimental. He could not afford to be weak. Those three sisters could look after themselves.
"Can they, Kaz?" asked Jordie's laughing voice that rang in his head mocking him "Can they really look after themselves?"
Hi, so let me know what you think. I'm thinking of continuing this but I'm not sure.
#kaz brekker#jesper fahey#inej gafha#six of crows#kaz x jesper#kaz x inej#taylor swift#the best day#kaz brekker angst#kaz rietveld#jordie rietveld#dirtyhands#bastard of the barrel#kaz brekker fic#kaz brekker x oc#kaz brekker x reader
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Happy Father's Day
Summary: (1/3) Y/n hasn't told Harry that she is pregnant yet, however, when the day comes around she finds out he's cheating.
Warning: Swearing, Taylor Swift Bashing (I love Taylor don't get me wrong, it's just for the story's sake.)
Word Count: 1492
It's been 5 weeks since I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to tell Harry the moment I found out. I scheduled a doctor's appointment to confirm it because you can't really trust generic pregnancy. But when the doctor confirmed it, I had no idea how to respond.
Hiding this from him has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Harry and I have been together for almost five years now. We met at his twenty-second birthday party in New York, I was twenty. He was pretty upset that he still had to tour for his birthday, but he said it was great making a new friend. Next thing you know we went public after two and moved in together for our third year. I'm so in love with him, but our careers are taking off, a baby would just interfere with all of it however Harry has always wanted children. He'd make such a great dad too, I can only imagine what our family will look like. But these thoughts often consume me, what if he doesn't want this?
I thought Father's Day would be the best day to tell him, you know like a surprise, and what a better time unless of course, he doesn't want our child. Our parents are coming over because of course, we have gifts and brunch so it's like three for one.
I've been distant from him recently, he's so concerned about me he thinks something is terribly wrong with my morning sickness and all. I figured I'd tell him with a gift which is a wooden base with yarn woven letters made of nails that spells 'dad' with the first ultrasound underneath, there's a card too! I'm so excited to finally start a family with Harry, I just hope he feels the same way. I have mugs for each of our dads that say, 'soon to be grandfather'. Honestly, I couldn't be happier. Opening the front door, I place the keys on the table next to me and walk the bags to the living room. That's funny Harry would've greeted me by now? He's probably asleep.
Setting up for later, I bring the balloons over realizing the tablecloths are upstairs. I work my way up the steps. These are gonna be a hassle with an extra 30-40 pounds on me. The closer I get to the top, I hear a light moan.
"I love y/n, she can't know about this" Harry's voice spoke.
Tiptoeing to peak into our bedroom I see my beloved boyfriend, father of my child shirtless kissing a pant-less Taylor Swift. Wow. Just my, fucking luck. Of course, he would! I mean what was I thinking.
"Of course not, my reputation is already bad" she breathes, cupping the side of his face.
I just watch him continue to kiss her after leaning into her touch. Debating whether to go in there, I feel frozen in my steps.
"This doesn't feel right" his deep voice sighs. No shit.
"She doesn't even care about you Harry, isn't that what you told me?" She says sweetly, such a snake.
He sighs and flips them, the scene before me, causes tears to come to my eyes. Opening the door making my presence known Harry turns to me with wide eyes while Taylor scrambles to find her pants and shirt.
"Y/n it's not-"
"I don't want to hear it" I say to him. Irritation and disgust line my voice. Grabbing the table covers I go back downstairs. I have what I need. After looking at my presentation admiring the work I've done. Harry and Taylor both come downstairs. His eyes red and puffy. I swear the tears make his eyes appear more beautiful, I hope my child has his eyes at least.
Astounded by my quiet stature he sits next to me and I stiffen. I'm just quiet because it's keeping me from crying. Taylor stares blankly at the floor.
"Why the fuck are you still here? Leave." I spit at her.
Oh, how I wish I could drink.
The doorbell rings alarming Taylor. I just walk her to the door and invite our parents in "Thank you Taylor" I say sincerely seeing her nod and pull off fast in her car. Tramp.
"What's that about?" Anne ask,
" New music" she smiles and comes in with everyone trailing her steps.
"Harry what's wrong love?" she asks wiping his tears.
"Nothing just allergies mum" she pats his back and sits at the table.
"Five years, I cannot believe it, Harry it's the longest you've had!" Rob states. "And the fans love you Y/n" Anne adds lightly patting my shoulder. "Our little girls all grown up" y/m/n wipes a fake tear from her eye. Everyone laughs. Thank god Harry is next to me so I don't have to look at him. He places his hand in my lap, but I push it off, going unnoticed by the crowd around us.
"Gift time!" I exclaim as he tries again. Placing each one down in-front of them, they all look up slightly confused.
"What's this?" Y/d/n ask.
"Open them, Haz just wait a few seconds after" they all agree. Rob opening his first then y/d/n they look at me then Harry, our moms looks match Harry's as he unwraps his gift. Stunned he looks at me with tears in his eyes. "Y-you're pregnant?"
"Yeah, surprise." Our parents run up to hug us.
"It's about time, I'm getting old over here!" Y/m/n shouts. Once they leave excitedly picking out baby names. I refuse to look at Harry. I make my way upstairs and begin packing some clothing.
"W-what are you doing?" Harry ask quietly.
"What does it look like Harry?" I say pushing past him going to the bathroom and grabbing some necessities. He just leans on the door frame watching me, still refusing to look at him. At first, I cared but I've made up my mind.
"How far along are we?"
"I'm almost 6 weeks but that doesn't matter" trying to walk past him he just grabs my arm and pulls me into him.
"I love you so much," he cries into my neck. I just stand there, motionless "I'm such a fuck up. Please don't leave me. I want to be here for you, for our baby. Y/n please." His hot tears continue to stream onto my shirt leaving a wet patch.
I soon give in rubbing his back gently. "Calm down Harry," I whisper into his ear as his sobs get louder "Breathe, okay."
Sitting on the closest surface near me, today has been long; I'm tired and pregnant give me a break. He stands between my legs looking down at me. I love him I do, and I want the best for our child, but this hurt. The one request I've had is he doesn't cheat, and he did. I stare at my feet avoiding him at all cost until his hand lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I'm not asking you to forgive me, but I am asking you to stay." He states softly placing a random string of hair behind my ear. He slowly starts leaning in I don't stop him. Suddenly feeling nauseous at the thought of him kissing Taylor, I shove him away from me crying.
He tries to hold me, but I just shake my head frantically, "Harry No," I cry. "How could you!? In our house Harry!" I shout. Continuing to pack my things making myself mad at the thought of his hands all over his ex.
"Y/n I'm so sorry please just stop," clothes I need clothes, just for a few days I'll buy more later. Walking into the bedroom opening my laptop ignoring his pleads. I book a hotel for two weeks, until I situate what is happening. He just sits on the bed trying to see what I'm doing but I soon erased my browser history and factory restarted the device so he can't track anything. Let's combine our accounts so our calendars sync. A swell idea. Wiping my tears, I pack outfits for each day that wouldn't show anything to the paparazzi. He sits there with his head in his hand's sharp intakes of breath audible.
As I approach him, he assumes I'm going to touch him, but I simply go into the drawer next to him. Cringing at the thought of him and Taylor who were here not over 6 hours ago, Grasping the more recent black and white photos gently until I get a photo album for them. Contemplating for a minute looking at the small framed version of my uterus I carefully tear one off handing to him before I seal my bag and walk away, taking my keys and loading my stuff in the backseat.
Looking through the rearview mirror, saying a silent goodbye to the home I hoped to raise my child. It'll get better- I hope.
A/n: Hello Loves! This is also a piece I had on wattpad. Most of these posts today will be Wattpad uploads. I'm trying to see which platform suits my work best. Bear with me while I figure Tumblr out. Masterlist coming soon!
xoxo Janelle
#harry#harry styles#harryx reader#y/n#harry styles and y/n#harry styles one shot#harry styles imagine#writing#imagine#oneshot#smut#fanfiction#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles blurb
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dude ...I used to hope Taylor swift was bi / a fellow lesbian out of optimism lol, because i admire her work and when seen through the lens of a closeted woman all the secrecy metaphors make a lot of sense.... it would be so fascinating and heartbreaking if it were true! but I’m getting too old for conspiracies . I dunno. What keeps you believing?
okay so! i’m gonna preface this with a few things: it’s gonna be long bc i haven’t talked about taylor in a long time and i’m having Feelings and Thoughts, and my journey with miss swift is necessarily very personal and i won’t pretend otherwise!
firstly: i don’t think i need to “keep” being convinced. for me it’s not an ongoing search for evidence - i believe that her songs speak for themselves and all the personal clues that might or might not be reaches are just icing on the cake.
i grew up in a country music-listening household and loved tim mcgraw when it came out as a single when i was in middle school! i was pretty much hooked on her songwriting for then on, and her albums always seemed to come out at pivotal points of my life. “we are never ever getting back together” was the soundtrack to my move to university in 2012 and 1989 coincided with my junior year which was revelatory in that it was the time when i was really coming to terms with being gay. my journey with taylor dovetails super closely with my own personal journey, in ways that i think are familiar to a lot of people. as a young girl i latched onto her storytelling and her confessional voice and then as i began to realize i was experiencing attraction to women, i found a lot of comfort and understanding in her lyrics. this happened for me really late in life compared to some people! i was 21/22 when i first identified as bi, and it wasn’t until later i began to think it was possible i was a lesbian. my experience with unlearning compulsory heterosexuality, examining my own emotional interior life, and thinking about why it took me over 20 years to even consider i could possibly love women made me look at taylor in a new light.
i think everything i need is in her music. that’s where taylor is at her most uninhibited and truthful. i think when you look at the themes/relationships she’s been writing about since she was a teen, you can see that as long as you’re willing to suspend the presupposition that everyone is straight until proven otherwise, she writes in a way that resonates with gay women for a reason!! as a younger artist she relied on a lot of fairy tale imagery, perspective shifts, and idealized stories of love. especially when she talks about those songs.... (and she still does this), she’s always connecting them to movies, to books, to things outside of her own experience. and when she is clearly talking about herself, she takes second-person pov or otherwise spins narratives that are full of yearning and a hope for a perfect fairytale in the future. i think that mode of almost.... daydreaming about an idealized version of a love story hits close to home for us! and then her later albums are MUCH louder, with themes (as people have pointed out over and over again) that just don’t hold much weight if you view them through the lense of a very famous wealthy woman writing about equally well-to-do white men. when i hear songs about forbidden love, itching to hold the hand of your beloved in public, crying over seeing heroes die alone, spinning a portrait of a life in the future where she can share her home and her love with all her friends.... when she writes so acutely of pain and agony associated with living in a fishbowl and enduring long periods of being undercover and secretive with only stolen moments of peace/beauty.... EVERYTHING i need to believe she’s not straight is in her songwriting, which i view through the personal lense of being a gay woman myself.
everything else... the masterposts and the powerpoints and the “clues”... those are helpful in terms of opening your eyes to the concept of PR relationships and recognizing that just because you’re fed something by a celebrity doesn’t mean it’s real, but it’s not the base of my feelings about taylor. i will say though, i originally was convinced that taylor was a lesbian because of swiftgron, what we know about the two of them publicly without any reaching was enough for me to recontexualize lyrics i thought i knew the story behind, and to start thinking about her whole body of work differently. i will say also that i was never one to follow along with taylor’s personal life until this point, i had a passing awarness of the men she was supposed to have dated but i didn’t give it much thought. however, i saw swiftgron stuff right as i was recognizing i was gay myself, so it opened my eyes and almost... gave me permission to understand that het is not the default!! then of course i’ve been active since 1989 and watced kaylor unfold in real time. it is still my belief that during the glass closeting era, they were obvious because the kaylor rumors benefited both of them and laid the groundwork for a coming out that was derailed by kissgate. everything afterwards..... well...
i am not a fan of thinking of this as a “conspiracy” i think that that idea is perpetuated by homophobes that think that everyone is straight and assuming otherwise is somehow an insult or a gross invasion of privacy. i think the vast majority of people who think taylor is gay are doing what all swifties do, which is analyze her music with a layer of projection and personal identification. however i do think that taylor encouraged the speculation for a while, and fully intended to leverage existing kaylor fans into a solid base when she came out (which i do think was planned post-yntcd but was shelved). i think there is PLENTY to look at in her public image and personal posts/behavior that would lead to a person who is willing to look at things objectively to come to the conclusion that she wasn’t straight. she has absolute control over her image and there were too many public outings and “coincidences” to be an accident.
HOWEVER i think that people who run blogs or talk about her gayness based on obscure clues and overanalyzing every micro-movement are missing the point and often too dedicated to their own placement as “Big Blogs” or receivers of “intel”, in a way that is mostly embarassing and myopic. i have always always been of the general opinion that we will never know every detail of taylor’s relationships, nor are we entitled to that information. she is a breathing, thinking, complicated woman with a HUGE public life and an equally huge private life that belongs to her alone.
building a public platform based on smoke signals and secret messages and inside sources has never been something i’m at all interested in, and is largely unnecessary. her story is all right there in the lyrics of her songs, and the things she shares with us publicly. i do think there have been hints/clues in the past and they’re very fun to analyze (which she encouraged!!), but much of the digging/reaching is unnecessary! we will never know for sure until she comes out herself, but i believe that her whole body of work and her messaging speaks for itself. the only thing keeping people from more widely accepting this is truly the assumption that being heterosexual is a default, and you have to Prove otherwise with a preponderance of evidence. i readily admit all of this is influenced by my experiences and emotions as a gay woman, but everyone projects onto taylor swift.
i’m fully convinced based on her music + her past public relationships with women like dianna and karlie + her intentional hints that she is a lesbian. however i am not interested in inventing “evidence” because she’s not on trial! and i’m happy to wait for her to come out, which i absolutely think was planned for lover era and then abandoned for various reasons!!
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folklore first listen thoughts
the 1: CATCHY from the start. HIT THE GROUND RUNNING sweeter than fiction rights. very sweet heartbreak song. “in my defense i have none” NEVER LEAVING WELL ENOUGH ALONE. i like it a lot, so much metaphor and imagery. i definitely wanna feel this
cardigan: catchy, very much the type of song that would sound good loud in the car at night. “a friend to all is a friend to none, chase two girls lose the one”. i really can’t wait to figure out what this one means. so far this feels very heartbreak heavy, even though i’m only two songs in. “tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy”. obviously young love WHY DO I WANNA FEEL THESE SO BAD. someone better take one for the team and break my heart while i’m still a teenager. someone to make me feel better about myself and then to look back on losing that. wow
the last great american dynasty: rebecca as a character being introduced, i really like the idea here. like gossiping at a wedding like that. “maddest woman this town has ever seen”. i feel like rebecca is a character taylor relates to and put herself into her. TAYLOR BOUGHT THE HOUSE WOW. so it’s about the woman who lived there before her i love that. if i hadn’t lived in my house for my whole life, i’d totally romanticize the people who lived here before.
exile: off the bat reminds me of the last time. i like the film/story/ending theme that continues throughout the album. it really connects it all and i feel very immersed into it. lyrically this song is very beautiful and it just sounds so very good. sounds very red & speak now which i obviously LOVE. also i love that it’s so long. “you’re not my homeland anymore” WOW WOW. so beautiful ily this song
my tears ricochet: sounds very haunting right off the bat. weeping in a sunlit room hurts me so much i just know this will be the best crying song. loveD till my dying day?? is this from the perspective of a dead person STOP that’s heartbreaking. i have chills what the fuck. it’s so BEAUTIFUL “you wear the same jewels i have you to bury me” i said wow out loud like. i have nothing else to say but wow. stolen lullaby <3
mirrorball: sounds very young and sweet. reminds me of starlight for some reason, which i love so much. it sounds like a really sweet first love and learning about the other person and yourself and falling into that and learning from the experience. i might be obsessed with the idea of first love lately, so that’s perfect for me. this is a favorite i love it so much.
SEVEN!: so i claimed this song earlier because i say seven as a response to everything and thought it was funny. but this is a missing childhood anthem, which is so fearless. childhood best friends, this is everything to me. i was worried i wouldn’t love it this much. “just like a folk song, our love will be passed on” PLEASE PICTURE ME IN THE WEEDS BEFORE I LEARN CIVILITY. i’m literally crying. growing up was always my biggest fear, i always want to go back to being little and this wraps it up so well. “passed on like folk songs, our love lasts so long”
august: back to a love song! young love! OH ITS SO SWEET AND HAPPY SOUNDING. kind of an imaginary love, taylor at my age, and i’m inserting myself here because it feels so right. i had a trio of songs on fearless at age 7 and these three songs feels like that again. yeah i’m gonna need a summer romance like i’ve been dreaming of since i was 15. this sounds like every daydream i have about the people i have crushes on and i love that so much. i love relating to taylor so much.
this is me trying: this is so beautiful wow. it has the energy of a sweet and soft version of hygtg but this time taylor is chasing? i think this is one those songs everyone can adapt to their story. “so i got wasted like all my potential”. this one feels so real to me. i really am relating to this one and i might fall apart to this song. second cry of the album.
illicit affairs: I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA UPBEAT AND LOVER-ESQUE but it’s a beautiful sweet secret love story. this love here seems crushing and painful. it reminds me a little of 1989 in the vocals i think? which is so cool. i really love the bridge on this one. this love story is so obviously so unique and all-consuming and yet it’s secret at the same time. i fucking love it.
invisible string: of course she says 16 again!!!!! why does she romanticize 16 so much? for me it’s 17. but i’m 19 now. i would dance barefoot in the grass to this one. something pulling two people together like an invisible string no matter how far apart they get. SOULMATE SONG!!!! wow!!! all along we were destined. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. the dive bar! something pulled her to him! i love that so much.
mad woman: SHE REALLY DID SAY FUCK YOU FOREVER WHAAT. i went OOH! but this is very ~the man~ and reputation vibes but SOFT and so it feels very taylor, lyrically and emotionally, like this feels like a side of her we’ve seen before but painted in a different light. “women like hunting witches too” “every time you call me crazy i get more crazy” WHY ARE PEOPLE MEAN TO HER I WILL BEAT UP EVERYONE WHO IS MEAN TO HER. there’s no need to tear people down to get to the top.
epiphany: another super long song!! i’m being told betty is incredible and i’m itching to listen to it but this sounds so beautiful. take a shot whenever i say beautiful or wow! this feels like another soulmate song but i hate to be wrong so if i am wrong, don’t mention it. this sounds so very classical and fresh for taylor but also it has such a taste of taylor. something new she’s doing here but her flavor is always there and i love that. only 20 minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany 💜💜💜💜
betty: i have high expectations. oh harmonica very folksy sounds very like the beginning. hehe she said fuck again THE SUMMER THING hi august! i suppose this is from the perspective of the other person? i like this very much, i love the idea of young stupid love and first loves. james. james and betty i love them very much. this is like when i make a playlist and say someone should send me these songs. “i’m only 17 i don’t know anything” i just wanna be seventeen again BITCH. SHE SAID CARDIGAN CAR AGAIN i love thattt.
peace: “our coming of age is coming and going” OKAY HIT ME I GUESS? this one is making me feel things. if i could sing, i’d never stop singing this. her fears within her relationship and the chaos her life brings to his. it’s very showing of her love and worries within what seems like a solid relationship.
hoax: what i want to do right now is drive to a literal cliff / scenic overlook and sit in the car and cry to this song. “i am ash to your fire” did she not say that in another song? i don’t remember which. but i hear the struggles she went through in herself and how hard it was to get through, not just on her own but with someone else. i hope taylor is happy and safe in her relationship. in any relationship she enters into, its all i want.
this album was beautiful and lovely and everything i needed and wanted i only cried three? four? times. it’s so stunning and beautiful and i’ve said beautiful way too many times but there’s no other words. it’s incredible. i haven’t felt this much in so long. and if i’m wrong about anything here, never mention it again <3.
i love you, taylor.
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mouthful of teeth and disdain | a vimes playlist
I have chronic character playlisting disease, so I thought I’d share my favorite to listen to right now which is the one for my best goblin girl Vimes. Song list with a little relevant snippet of lyrics from each one is below the cut
on YouTube here
1 All The Good Girls Go To Hell, Billie Eilish : “And once the water starts to rise/And heaven's out of sight/She'll want the devil on her team”
2 Gold, Imagine Dragons: “First comes the blessing of all that you've dreamed/But then comes the curses of diamonds and rings/Only at first did it have its appeal/But now you can't tell the false from the real/Who can you trust?”
3 Lemons - Demo, Brye: “When life gives you lemons/You don't make lemonade/You use them to make girls cry/You take those lemons/No sugar at all/And you squirt it right into our eyes “
4 Dream, Imagine Dragons: “And all these sorrows I have seen/They lead me to believe/That everything's a mess/But I wanna dream”
5 Young and Menace, Fall Out Boy: “We've gone way too fast for way too long/And we were never supposed to make it half this far/And I lived so much life, lived so much life/I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice”
6 I Did Something Bad, Taylor Swift: “They say I did something bad/But why's it feel so good?/Most fun I ever had/And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could”
7 Machine, Imagine Dragons: “I'm not scared of what you're gonna tell me/No, I'm not scared of the beast in the belly/Fill my cup with endless ambition/And paint this town with my very own vision”
8 When Will You Die, They Might Be Giants: “I'd be counting down the days/Until the lovely one/On which you're gone”
9 The Wrecked And The Worried, Nate Wants To Battle: “My mind's running all the time/And I don't really like anything I find/Got time? 'Cause I'm out of mine/Had my ducks in a row, now they're slowly falling out of line”
10 Shots - Broiler Remix, Imagine Dragons: “Oh, I'm going to mess this up/Oh, this is just my luck/Over and over and over again”
11 Ain’t No Grave - Epic Trailer Version, Hidden Citizens: “There ain't no grave can hold my body down/When I hear that trumpet sound I'm gonna rise right out of the ground/Ain't no grave can hold my body down”
12 Hurt, Johnny Cash: “And you could have it all/My empire of dirt/I will let you down/I will make you hurt”
13 Bad Liar, Imagine Dragons: “ I'm a man of three fears/Integrity, faith and/Crocodile tears”
14 Go To The Light, Murder By Death: “Can I watch 'em as they fall when they finally try to stand/Redeem myself for everyone I've buried with these hands?/I fight and I fight/Just to keep the spark alive/But if there's nothing on the other side/Why can't I leave well enough alone and go to the light?”
15 I’m So Sorry, Imagine Dragons: “No lies and no deceiving, that is what he loves/I keep tryin' to conceive that death is from above/No time/I get by and make no excuses waste of precious breath”
16 Bad Reputation, Joan Jett & The Blackhearts: “ I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation/I've never been afraid of any deviation/An' I don't really care if you think I'm strange/I ain't gonna change”
17 Monster, Imagine Dragons: “I get the feeling just because,/Everything I touch isn't dark enough/If this problem lies in me:
18 Dead, They Might Be Giants: “Now it's over I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want (now it's over)/Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do”
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if you had to recommend some songs by queen for someone who had never listened to them or only know like one song by them,, what songs would you recommend? -🌱⭐️
ehdjrfghkdgdkjh AAAAAH this is v relevant (well queen always is to me but shh) cause i watched the rest of the rock montreal concert last night and cried during SONGS I HAD NO REASON TO CRY AT they just make emotional waah :,)
first off!! a couple of things to note about queen: they literally have a song that will??? never be surpassed in how popular and iconic it is, srsly. NONE OF US have any recollection of learning the lyrics yet when it comes on everyone in the nearby vicinity is like OH FUCK YEAH!!!!. another thing, queen is the only band where each member has individually written a number one single and i think that is pretty iconic so i’m gonna list these songs by band member because honestly KNOWING SOMETHING LIKE…. OH I DONT KNOW… A NOW Astrophysicist writing a song called fat bottomed girls….. yeah! and last thing, u may or may not know so many more queen songs than u think :))
ANYWAY YEAH THERE MIGHT BE A LOT HERE, LISTED BY BAND MEMBER AND KINDA CHRONOLOGICALLY/BY ALBUM (also genuinely i havent even heard all of their songs SO THIS MAY BE INACCURATE IN THE FUTURE BABIE)
* means my personal faves :D
freddie (cat dad, loved his husband jim hutton :D read mercury & me, u fools!!, literally can’t look at him in the 70s vs 80s and believe they’re the same, actually was v shy irl and finding that out made me feel ok abt being shy myself 🥺):*my fairy king liar (JOHN DEACON HAS THE SICKEST BASS SOLO IN THIS OK.)seven seas of rhyefunny how love is (CRIED THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THIS TBH)killer queenin the lap of the gods (AAaaAAaaAAAAAAAAAAAAH)death on two legslazing on a sunday afternoon*seaside rendezvous (feels like a summer boardwalk or carnival. ur gonna love it)love of my life*somebody to love (honestly thinking too hard about how many looking for/wanting love songs freddie wrote makes me SO emotional bc he really wanted somebody to love and then a year after he wrote it’s a hard life about the same kinda topic he met jim and they were together until the end :,) and freddie said in an interview that he had “found that niche he was looking for his entire life” and OHH MY GOD THAT MAKES ME CRYY)good old-fashioned lover boy*we are the champions (i can’t listen to this too often but when i do DEFINITELY OPT FOR A LIVE VERSION LIKE LIVE AID BECAUSE IT. HITS. MY HEART)bicycle race (freddie rlly just wanted to write a song about bicycles. and also don’t listen to anyone who tries to say this is about bisexuality oh my GODDD)*don’t stop me now (the happiest song on earth, according to science, IT CHECKS OUT!!! I FEEL SO MUCH SEROTONIN BC OF THIS. EVEN WHEN IT PLAYED THAT ACAPELLA BEGINNING AT THE END OF BO RHAP OHHH MYGOD) *play the gamecrazy little thing called love (inspired by elvis, FREDDIE COULD PLAY LIKE 3 CHORDS ON GUITAR AND WE LOVE HIM FOR IT)staying power (watch me put all of hot space on here. ITS A FUNKY ALBUM!)body language (LISTEN. I KINDA LOVE IT)life is realcalling all girls*cool cat (FREDDIE SANG THE FULL THING IN FALSETTO. DO U SEE THIS)*soul brother (HE WROTE THIS ABOUT BRIAN/DEDICATED TO HIM U GUYSS :(((( AND THEY WERE SOUL BROTHERS!!!!! ohmyodtheywereosulbrothrsrs)*it’s a hard lifepain is so close to pleasure (also composed by deaky!)the miracle (it’s credited to all of them but it says the main composers were freddie and john!)*breakthru (THE JOY OF THIS SONG AND HOW MUCH FUN THEY WERE HAVING ON THE VIDEO :(((( IT GETS ME EMO)was it all worth itinnuendoi’m going slightly mad*the show must go on (makes me cry too much to listen to it unless its SAD FREDDIE HOURS but when you think about how close to the end this was yet how fukgignhn incredible his vocals still were it’s so heartbreaking and admirable like waah i just :( love freddie mercury sm)
brian may (TALL. big hair. what is his routine tbh???, ASTROPHYISICIST?? THEY’RE ALL SO SMART. LOVES ANIMALS AND IS TRYING TO END BADGER CULLING. i’d offer him my life):keep yourself alive*doing alright (this was written before queen was properly formed and the band was still roger, brian and tim staffel, who also helped write it, in smile!)the night comes down (you can tell ESPECIALLY well in this song that the only time slots they could get at the studio to record was super late at night ksjfdgjkfdg)father to son*now i’m here (SOUNDS SO GOOD LIVE BECAUSE ITS FASTER AND JUST MORE ENERGETIC AND WAAH OH MY GOD CAN’T RECOMMEND LISTENING TO LIVE VERSIONS OF NOW I’M HERE ENOUGH)*’39 (um. the only song to exist actually! queen’s designated yeehaw song. jsut listen to it played live at earls court babie!! the story of the song is here and TBH LIKE. BRIAN WENT OFF AND CONTINUED TO GO OFF WITH HIS SONGS)*good companytie your mother downwhite man*we will rock youall dead, all dead*sleeping on the sidewalk (MY FAVE BRIAN VOCALS TBH)*it’s late*fat bottomed girls (:^])dragon attack (GONNA YEET THAT SOUND EHYEYEYAAH)dancerput out the fire (PEOPLE GET SHOT BY PEOPLE. PEOPLE WITH GUUUNS)las palabras de amor (depacito song.)*hammer to fall (I PREFER THIS SONG LIVE BUT STUDIO VERSION IS STILL. SO GOOD. THESE LYRICS??? ‘HERE WE STAND, HERE WE FALL, HISTORY WONT CARE AT AALL’ UHHHH!!! HEHEHEHEY HAMMER TO FFaaAAALL?)*who wants to live forever (dont TALK TO Me about this SONG ill cry i literally never listen to it its been months it makes me SO sad and how the music swells and ohh my god I CANTT.)i want it allscandal*headlong (just how cute they all are in the music video ALONE…. hoop diddy diddy… hoop diddy doo :(( wow)roger taylor (for some reason the fandom thirsts over him. its kinda just creepy. i just thinks he’s cute in a rat way and i love him AND ROGERINA see: i want to break free :)) also he said trans rights and as the wise jim hutton said freddie and roger were ‘clearly soulmates’)i’m im love with my car (OH YOU THOUGHT BO RHAP WAS THE WEIRDEST SONG ON ANATO????)drowse*action this day (oh sidenote brian and roger hated hot space and NOBODY IN THE FANDOM NOR ROGER’S OWN CHILDREN AGREE WITH THEM. IT SLAPS HARDDDDD)*radio ga ga (nothing can communicate my joy whenever i hear this song but like with a lot of other songs NOTHING COMPARES TO THE LIVE VERSIONS OF IT AND SEEING ALL THE PEOPLE DO THE HAND CLAPS LIKE :((( their power..)*one vision (yeah its by roger but ever wondered why the last lyric is fried chicken? jim hutton saying to freddie after the band were messing around adlibbing ‘u should leave that in’ AND THEN THEY DID. THANK YOU JIMOTHY HUTHICN)a kind of magic*these are the days of our lives (:()
ALSO AGAIN I HAVENT LISTENED TO ALL OF THEIR SONGS, SO THERE’S A LOT I’M LEAVING OUT DFJHKGFFKGLJ
john deacon (born august 19th 1951 :) and he rlly wants u to know it. his dream when asked was “wet.”, he likes cheese on toast, HAS A LOT OF KIDS, wrote some of the most iconic basslines in the world and is just overall incredibly bouncy and groovy. whether u call him deacy or deaky is up to u and then ur fate will decided by the disco gods)misfire (the general fandom agrees this is abt premature ejaculation. the song’s only 1:50 long AND IT’S MORE OF A FANDOM INSIDE JOKE THAN ANYTHING BUT REALLY.. LISTEN TO THAT SONG AND TRY TO THINK IT HAS MEANING THAT Isn’t That. again, JOHN HAS LIKE 6 KIDS)you’re my best friend (john was only like early 20s when we wrote this but it’s about his wife and :((((( wtf true love)*another one bites the dust (REALLY JUST LIKE. MADE THE BASSLINE FOR ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC SONGS IN THE WORLD. AND HE DID IT MULTIPLE TIMES???)*back chat (another similarly inside joke kinda thing in the album, THE GENERAL CONSENSOUS IS THAT THIS IS ABOUT BRIAN AHAHSHDSFHKJDF BECAUSE THE HOT SPACE ERA WHAT KINDA TENSE SINCE THEY DIDNT AGREE ON THE ALBUM BUT WE’LL NEVER KNOWWW)under pressure (ANOTHER BASSLINE FROM THE MAN THE MYTH THE DISCO LEGEND HIMSELF)*i want to break free (OH AND HE DID THIS SONG AS WELL UHH. EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU JOHN DEACON????)*friends will be friends (makes me so emotional :((( queen were a familyyyy :()
and bonus stuff:
LISTEN TO FREDDIE’S SOLO ALBUM ‘MR. BAD GUY’ I AM BEGGING U,,,, U WON’T REGRET IT IT’S SO ??? JUST LIKE SO FULL OF FUCIGNGN,.. LOVE SONGS AND IT’S S DANCABLE AND ALSO MADE ME CRY AND GOD. it was literally just remastered and rereleased THIS MOnth this is such a good time to listen to it,, pls… their solo stuff is so goodas for live performances definitely recommend live at the rainbow, rock montreal, live aid, hungarian rhapsody & wembley ‘86 HELL I HAVEN’T WATCHED MOST OF THESE MYSELF I’M TOO EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE WHEN IT COMES TO QUEEN….. BUT I HOPE U LIKED THIS LONGWINDED POST :)
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why Somebody to Love is a superior (Queen) song
I love this song so much and I've said that I could write an essay about how good it is, so here’s a bulleted version of that essay
(It got long, but read it, it’s good.)
caaAAAAAAN
an y bo dyyyyy
just a beautiful intro overall & unmatched
piano is so iconic and beautiful
nice drum intro, sick
you can really groove to this song and then you can really get down to it
4.56 minutes of glory
also a wonderful showcase of mr. freddie mercury’s vocals
LYRICS ARE UH SO GOOD
relatable topic
we’re single and lonely, wanting love, being a try hard, getting put down, wanting to die, hating working, questioning religion, there really is something for everyone here
bc I too, each morning, die a little
harmonies in this song in particular are unmatched- in every song they’re great but ohhh my lord it’s really good
it’s like a symphony, like operatic levels of production
it was written all by Freddie
I love how the ‘solo’ if you will, is thrown from Freddie to the harmony parts, they finish his sentences
they back him up in such a great way, again like a freaking OPERA ("down, knees, start to pray,” “he’s alright, he’s alright”)
irony in ‘I got no rhythm’ lmao
you cannot predict exactly what they’ll do next and I love it
quality ooo’s in harmony
always a quality Brian guitar solo I love him omg
ton of opportunities for Freddie to show off, improv, mess around with stuff, like he does best
HIGH NOTES FROM ROGER TAYLOR!!!
he is hitting an G#5!!!!
2.50 is a great falsetto thing from Roger wowow
okay im gonna talk more about the harmonies... y'all they are in like SIX PART HARMONY THAT IS SO INSANE THEY’RE EACH COVERING 2 PARTS AH
the low “find me somebody to love” buildup
also great as a mantra, again relatable
the build in harmony is incredible
and then Freddie’s falsetto over the top makes it just so lovely
even when he’s belting his voice is so CLEAR and WONDERFUL
as a singer, that is SO HARD AND WOW
“somebody, find me somebody to love” is my favorite part
if you haven’t listened to the live version of this from Rock Montreal you should, I have it on a CD and listen to it in my car
it makes me cry every time
Additionally I always end up screaming the lyrics
it is a powerful song, the emotions are so fucking raw
this song goes hard in music and emotions
you can feel that shit in your heart
I would give anything to hear this live :’(
soooohmebody toooooooo after the build up and acapella- beautiful
the end is such a part where you sway to the beat, maybe thwack out some drums, sing at the top of your lungs and cry a lot a little bit
ending chord!!!! and ending piano bit!!!
#queen#queen band#somebody to love#music#song#Brian May#Freddie Mercury#Roger Taylor#john deacon#I love them sm#i love this song so much#it really does make me cry a lot#often in my car at night
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BODY AND SOUL Part 15 (Duncan Shepherd/Mackenzie Stone Millory AU)
BODY AND SOUL MASTERPOST
Author’s Note: You guessed it, this part took forever and I had to push the second half of Kenzie meeting Annette into the next part because it just turned out really long etc etc!!! There’s an easter egg implication that the weird weed Claire got in Colorado (from a witch but she didn’t know that) can help you remember bits of your past/parallel lives. I’m going to keep making allusions to Kenzie’s ultimate consciousness as a divine being; in the AHS universe she’s a Supreme, in this universe she’s got a low-key version of that energy, a very strong aura, let’s say, one that can encourage the people around her to be better and inspire devotion in them towards her; if Duncan is her Prince, Claire, Samuel and Harris are her Knights of the Round Table. I really wanted to include a scene at some point where Kenzie gets drunk and Duncan takes care of her because relationships in reality are a lot of forgiving each other for gross stuff and taking care of each other in various states of grossness, so I’m glad I could put it in here and I love how it turned out. Duncan getting her a tee shirt from MARIE LAVEAU’S HOUSE OF VOODOO is an obvious nod to Marie/Angela, but also a hint that Duncan and Kenzie might end up in NoLa one of these days. Here’s his Givenchy face cleanser. This is the dress Kenzie wears during the day in this part. Marissa Montague is, you guessed it, a Madison Montgomery/Emma AU, and she will show up again for sure. Erik, Annette’s stylist, is a Dennis O’Hare AU; he’s sort of based loosely on Liz Taylor from HOTEL, but he’s not trans in my universe, he’s a queer gay man. Kenzie will get to tell you all the story of what happened to her at work more clearly in the next part. This is the dress Annette wears for the press conference, and this is the one she wears at Plume. Here’s THE KISS by Klimt, a painting I’ve thought of again and again for Duckenzie. I listened to Etta James’ Stormy Weather a lot for the latter half of this part; the weather around Duncan and Mackenzie is stormy, but they are the eye of the storm, calm and constant. Plume is real and so is the private wine room and the Jefferson looks FANCY AF and not like a place I could afford to stay at (I used this article to write about it since I’ve never actually eaten there and probably never will...apparently a “cheap” dinner there runs you like $300). So far Annette has repeatedly proven to be the most difficult character to write in this AU; this article is a good example as to why Beau Willimon created a particularly complex character with her, and my hat off to him and Diane for creating a very special kind of villain who I also don’t really think is truly evil, specifically because she is capable of love; she loves her son unconditionally, and that is her most redemptive quality, and I am definitely using that to my advantage in this fic. There’ll be sex in the next part, don’t worry! I found out the other day that The Youth of Bacchus is going up for auction at Sotheby’s in May; wish I had the $35 million to buy it, because I’ve become terribly attached to it since I gave it to Duncan in this story. I guess I’ll have to settle for a print, but I really hope it goes to someone who isn’t terrible. If y’all weren’t aware, Billie really does have a beautiful singing voice. Annette softening to Duncan and Kenzie at the end is definitely due partially to Duncan and Kenzie’s combined magicks; being together will strengthen the echoes of their magickal abilities from that other universe. If you’re reading this fic, your comments, asks and reblogs mean everything to me.
“You know what I think?” Claire voice was low, her words drawn out by the weed and good champagne, and she was collapsed onto the vintage fainting couch in the corner, pulling strands of her blonde shag through lazy fingers. She was looking over at where Duncan and Mackenzie lay on his low leather couch, the remnants of takeout scattered over the coffee table, stray chopsticks and fortune cookies and half-empty cartons; Kenzie was folded against him, sleeping silently, her breathing very small and even, her face pressed into the crook of Duncan’s neck, her forehead against his chin, her pleated skirt riding up, her bare leg visible above the knee, thrown over his thigh; her stomach and the sweetness between her legs pressed, achingly, against his hip. Duncan was staring off into space (listening to her breathing, her tiny heartbeat against my side, her softness and her, her, her) in the quiet, the record long since having stopped, the calm night floating around them in the low light. His head was swimming with the weed and alcohol; it really has been a long day. My poor Kenzie.
“What’s that?” Duncan realized Claire had said something, looking over at her in a daze.
“I think you two are sssoulmates. I really do, buddy.” Claire was drunk and stoned; her voice slurred out the word soulmate like she had a lozenge in her mouth. “I think it’s destiny.”
“I didn’t believe in that sort of thing before I met her, honestly.” Duncan felt drunk enough to say what he was thinking; to hell with it, this woman loves Kenzie utterly, she won’t mind. He spoke quietly, not wanting to wake Kenzie, his hand coming up to trail down the wave of golden hair that fell over her shoulder. “But I do now. And I think you’re right.”
“Something about you two,” Claire pointed over at them, sitting up a little, the better to throw her head into the couch pillow. “It’s real intense. Like a bright light a moth flies into. Everyone else is gonna want a piece of it. Be careful there.”
“I will, Claire.”
“I’m just so happy to see her happy like this.” Claire’s face bunched together suddenly; Duncan felt sure she was going to cry, but she seemed to hold it together, sniffing a little and breathing in harshly, bringing a finger up to dab under her eyes. “Kenzie’s my best friend.”
“I promise I will take good care of her, Claire. I give you my word.”
Claire nodded at him; he could see her lip trembling for awhile, then she sat up, pulling her purse, discarded at her feet earlier, onto her lap, taking out a tissue and wiping her nose with it, tucking her hair behind her ears. She stepped over to where Duncan lay trapped under Kenzie’s sleeping form; she shook her head as he went to move up, “Shhhhh, no, don’t wake her,” she said, and leaned down, softly, to hug Duncan around the neck, letting go of him after a moment to stroke Kenzie’s hair. Kenzie murmured indistinctly into Duncan as Claire did this, her lips brushing into his skin, and he shivered. My angel.
“I’m gonna go home. I’ll see you both soon. Kenzie deserves this so much. She’s the most beautiful person, Duncan. The loveliest, the kindest, the bravest. You truly have everything now. Don’t take it for granted, not for a moment.”
“I won’t. I swear, I won’t.”
Claire stared at Kenzie for a moment, and Duncan could see the affection in her gaze; it stopped his heart, made his head swim. Claire would die for her. He knew it, utterly. He felt a fierce affection for Claire in that moment; felt as though they were sworn siblings or fellow crusaders in some just, divine cause. The comradery he felt defied an accurate description, but he knew that he and Claire were bosom companions now in some way; we protect her. We are her devoted ones. Us, and Madeline, and Harris, and Samuel. His head felt foggy, indistinct, faraway, part of some other time or day; “That really was some weed, Claire,” he murmured as she walked away from him, towards the front door.
“Right? The best shit. Sometimes I feel like I’m in another world when I smoke it, especially when I’m alone. Like I’m someone else for a little while. Crazy, but fucking neat. Goodnight, Duncan. Tell Kenzie I said good night, I love her, and I hope everything goes well tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Claire. Really. Thank you.”
Claire nodded a little, her eyes bright again. Then, she left, the big black door swinging shut with a barely audible snap behind her. Duncan could hear her boots retreating down the hall, then nothing.
He tried to move so Kenzie didn’t wake; tried to pick her up a little, straighten her so he could get a grip to carry her to bed, but she stirred more heavily this time, and her eyes fluttered open, still half-asleep. “Baby, what time issit…” “After 11, Kenzie. We should probably go to bed, we have another long day tomorrow.”
“Babyyy…” Kenzie lifted her face up to his, her flushed skin pressing into him, and her mouth came against his; she tasted like bittersweet champagne and weed and she smelled like roses and low sweat, and he ached at the softness of her, but he could sense how drunk and stoned she was; her hand slid down to his crotch, loosely, and her head seemed to loll on her shoulders, and he gently pulled back from her hand at his groin, placing his firm grip below her shoulder blades, holding her up.
“Baby, not tonight, okay? You’re drunk. Kenzie, come on. Kenzie, let’s go to the bathroom.”
Kenzie made a whining noise in the back of her throat, but her eyes fluttered with the residue of the sleep she’d just left and her body wanted her to return to. “I wanna fuck you, baby,” she murmured, and she pouted, and she tried to reach for his belt but her hand slipped down and he caught her before she fell, his large fingers coming up to the side of her jaw, her eyes fluttering at him again, breath shallow.
“I wanna fuck you too, baby, but not when you’re so drunk and sleepy, okay? I love you.” Duncan slid his arm down around her shoulder and the other under her knees; he lifted her up (oh my sweet Kenzie), carrying her slight weight easily, and she turned into his dark gray high-collared shirt, bending her arms into his torso, like she was a child turning into the heat of its mother, as he carried her through the door of the bedroom, towards the bathroom. Duncan set her carefully upright on the cool marble floor; the coldness of it seemed to make her more alert, her head lifting, and Kenzie’s cheeks looked very pale in this light, and her eyes opened with a snap, disoriented, as he held her under her arms.
“I think I might be sick,” she said in a tiny voice, and then Kenzie pushed his arms away with one sharp movement and ran to the toilet, jerking her little head over the bowl, knees buckling, and vomited a stream of vintage Moet and Chinese food into it. Duncan immediately rushed up behind her and gently pulled her long hair out of her eyes, grasping her in a makeshift ponytail with his fist; Kenzie moaned, then another stream of vomit came from her mouth and nose, filling the bathroom with the sharp smells of stomach acid and fizzy champagne and grease.
“Awww, baby,” Duncan murmured, rubbing her back with his other hand, carefully, steady. “Shhhh, baby…” Kenzie let out another little moan that made his heart clench; ugh, my sweet Kenzie, today was too long and too much, I shouldn’t have let her drink so much, but then he wondered if it would have been possible to stop her anyway; this was Kenzie, after all, wildly determined in whatever she did, including drinking most of the second bottle they’d opened herself. Kenzie reached up and flushed the toilet, and he noticed her little arm shaking as she did, her flesh covered in goosebumps. Duncan crouched down behind her, hand still steadily rubbing her back, hand holding her hair carefully to the side, his lips coming up between her shoulder blades, kissing the cotton fabric of her dress.
“Can you get me a tissue, baby,” Kenzie said, her face in the toilet still, and Duncan’s heart ached to hear its shakiness, the shivering edge of tears in her throat. He gently tucked her hair into the collar of her dress to keep it from falling into her eyes again and reached up to where there was always a box of tissues on a shelf built into the wall beside the mirror; his eyes fell over her Golden Pothos, now on top of the toilet tank, where it would live, and he thought of her holding it so tenderly as they went through the backyard earlier that day. Duncan leaned down tenderly and wiped at the corners of Kenzie’s mouth and around her nose with it as he thought of the plant gathered in her arms; she looked at him with an embarrassed expression, gold flecks floating around her corneas, her eyes over-bright. She looked so tiny, crouched over the toilet this way; he longed to gather her up in his arms again and cradle her against him, longed to soothe the pain and discomfort away from her.
“Duncan, I’m sorry,” and a tear fell down her cheek.
“Sorry for what, baby? It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. You think I’ve never had too much to drink?”
“This is gross, though.” Kenzie made a face, wrinkling her nose, and she leaned over the toilet again, spitting the residue of her vomit into the bowl.
Duncan laughed a little, bringing his hand down to the spot between Kenzie’s ear and jaw, using the tissue, folded over, to wipe her mouth again. I love to hold her here, he thought for the thousandth time, my hand fits here like this part of her was made for me to hold her. “Baby. I love you. That means I love the gross things, too. Are you okay? Are you gonna throw up again?”
Kenzie shook her head a little, a shiver running down her back through the tips of Duncan’s fingers. “I think I’m done. Can you get me a tee shirt to wear?” Her eyes were clearer now; less dazed with most of the alcohol out of her body, and there were lines of tiredness under her eyes. “Mmhmm,” Duncan murmured to her, his hand falling down the back of her hair. He went to the walk-in closet to the bottom drawers and pulled out another one of the old graphic tees there; this one said MARIE LAVEAU’S HOUSE OF VOODOO in melting tie-dye letters, with three skulls and a cross, sticks of incense floating on either side of them, a souvenir he’d gotten in New Orleans when he was traveling alone in his early 20’s, after he’d graduated. The road trip had been before his mother had insisted he become a more public face in the company; after his affair with Misha, before he met Evan. Kenzie and I should go somewhere together, he thought, unbuttoning his own clothing and kicking it off so he was wearing only his underwear, unbuckling his black Movado and setting it on the shelf, and soon. We can’t go on a road trip; that option is closed to us now. But we can get away from everything for a week. It would be so wonderful to sleep in with her all day. No dinners with our mothers to worry about, no paps milling around, no press conferences. We have that cabin around Oakland, next to Deep Creek. I should take her there. Maybe after the Gala. She’d love that. We’d be really alone...and I could worship her for days. Mackenzie. Kenzie. Baby. Angel.
As Duncan reentered the bathroom he saw Kenzie had pulled her dress and bra off, leaving them in a pile on the cold marble floor, and was carefully scrubbing her teeth at the sink in just her underwear (pink and made of some kind of silky fabric, and Duncan couldn’t help but look down at her round little ass for a moment with affection, think of his fingers there between her legs in the red dress), her face visibly damp from having washed it a moment before, a little color returning to her cheeks. She glanced up at him through the mirror, clearly still embarrassed. Good fucking job, Kenz, really making the place your own, puking as soon as you move in, her eyes seemed to think at him. Seemed to, or really did? Duncan pushed it away and came up behind her, his hands falling carefully on her bare shoulders, the shirt gripped in his fingers, pressed against her arm. Kenzie rinsed her toothbrush carefully, swishing water in her mouth, and spit into the sink. Then she turned to him, shivering again, and lifted her head up, expectant, in an achingly sweet gesture of trust that made his heart beat faster. Duncan bunched the shirt and pulled it over her little head, her hair sticking to her damp cheek, and Kenzie pulled her arms through the holes, once again too large for her, the long dip of her collarbone visible through the neck.
“Nice shirt, baby,” she whispered. Duncan grinned. “New Orleans is a great place, ever been there?” He reached for his own toothbrush.
“Nope.”
“We’ll go sometime. I think you’d really like it. And the food is amazing.”
Kenzie stared up at him, eyes dark green and chocolate-caramel and too bright, her cheeks still pink with embarrassment as Duncan brushed his own teeth, then reached for the bottle of Givenchy face cleanser he kept on one of the glass shelves to the side of the silver-framed mirror.
“Sorry I puked, baby.” Kenzie’s hand was at her cheek, as if to shield her face. He looked down at her, his heart full of so much terrible tenderness that it made him feel dizzy.
“Kenzie. Kenzie. I love you so much.”
“I’m scared to meet your mother tomorrow.” Kenzie bit her lip, tears threatening the corners of her eyes now. Duncan wanted to dip his face down to her and kiss them away. The thought of Annette being unkind to her filled him with hot, roiling anger. He had no idea himself of how the dinner at Plume would go tomorrow, and his thoughts flashed back to the texts his mother had sent him that day with the bluntness of a bad memory: I see what’s going on with your social media.You continue to deliberately disobey my wishes by flaunting your relationship publicly and it’s a heinous disappointment to me, Duncan. Your lack of respect for me in this matter is staggering. We’re going to have a long chat tomorrow about what is expected of you in your personal affairs going forward. The press conference is at 3 PM and you’re expected to be there. Do not bring her to it. Do not be late for dinner.
But Duncan knew one thing for absolute certain: I love this girl more than anyone I have ever loved, more than anything. And I’m going to make sure Mom understands that for real this time. I’m going to make sure she understands that Kenzie is a permanent part of my life now for as long as she’ll have me. He reached for the towel that hung on a hook beside the glass shelf, patting his face dry with it, then reached for the hand at her cheek, grasping it, pressing his large, long fingers through the empty spaces of her small slender ones.
“Kenzie. I swear. Everything is going to be fine. Let’s go to bed, okay, baby? Let me hold you.”
Kenzie nodded, sniffling (baby, don’t cry, your eyes are like stars drifting out in the universe, I love them so), and Duncan switched the bathroom light off, gently leading her to the bed, pulling her softly down to him and gathering her into his arms the way he’d longed to, her little face pressed between his ribs, her little hands under her chin.
Kenzie fell asleep almost immediately, her breath slowing to a small whisper in the darkness, but Duncan lay there awake for a long time, his hand falling down through her hair, around the curve of her ear, lost in her, thinking back on the past week, thinking back on everything that had happened, every moment that had led to now: seeing her on the balcony among the roses, his heart dumbstruck with immediate wonder and fierce, nearly painful longing (the resounding weight of the Fates settling down on me, I think; Madeline Stone’s daughter falling down from heaven into my arms, how could I be so blessed, how), kissing the stripes at her ankles, the fall of her hair that first night as they fucked, the quartz glittering at her throat, the look in her eyes in his shower the next morning, her revelation over breakfast, Samuel’s adamant words (let your heart be your guide), gazing at her over their dinner at Le Diplomate, the photos taken of them there that had ended up on the website later, his face pressed ardently into her cheek, the way she hovered over him in the bathtub, steam rising, roses all around her, bathed in golden shadows, Annette’s coldness and dismissal, the aching way Kenzie had folded into him, her face tear-stained, her cunt pressed into his mouth, filling him with her need, her body pressed against him, soft as flower petals, her dresses now hanging in his monotone closet, filling it with her essence and her color and her life, her plants on the sill in the kitchen, in their bathroom, beside the bed. He thought of the women in the line at the coffee shop, snapping pictures of them, Kenzie’s quivering but brave voice rising at them defiantly, her hand slipping a $5 bill into the barista’s tip jar, the dinner she’d cooked for him (the best food I’ve ever had because she made it for me, she made it) and the little wine-colored slip dress falling off her shoulder, the look in her eyes as he’d tied her to the bed (this bed, our bed) with his belt, needy and approving and excited and tinged with vulnerability, kindling his desire with a blunt force, the look in her eyes as she’d held the velvet ribbon sitting naked on his desk, the look in her eyes as she’d handed him the plug and told him to fuck her with it, the overwhelming sound of her voice keening into him and rushing him to orgasm as she rode him on the floor, the fall of her hair always drifting in his mind now, the shape and feel of her much smaller body pressed against him, into him, always in his mind, the lost look she’d had after all the paps were at her little apartment today, and the determined look she’d had when she came back out of the bathroom, and in that moment he knew she was going to be brave, he knew she was brave, and loved her so much in that moment he thought his heart would burst, thought of her in the red dress in his lap and his fingers at her clit, thought of her dancing tonight, her beautiful voice (she does have a beautiful voice, her voice singing out here in our home filling it with her gold and I love it so much, I love her voice so much) falling down 30 stories to drift into the night, the shadows on her skin and finally Duncan started to drift away into sleep, thinking of her voice, like a lullaby, his arms holding her close against him...so it’s hard to find someone with that kind of intensity, you touched my hand, I played it cool...and you reached out your hand for me...
------
In the morning it was raining again; June 1st, and summer storms to come with it. Kenzie still had a pale pallor and Duncan had made her a green smoothie with kale with his Vitamix, one she sipped with a measured disgust in the bed, clearly trying to will herself out of her hangover. “I’ll have to figure out how to make the one with chocolate and avocado that you love,” he said, remembering her rambling about Emissary on the sidewalk that day, and Kenzie smiled at him weakly, appreciatively. “Yes, please, baby. But this is okay.” Her face clearly said otherwise, and he leaned down to kiss her softly before pulling a black mock neck shirt over his head, loving the way her expressions always gave away her mood so immediately. I don’t think she could hide any feeling she has about anything from me no matter how hard she tried, he thought, his hand coming down through the tangle of her chestnut hair. And I love her for it. Her earnestness.
Kenzie had moved slow that morning; Duncan gently pushed some vitamins (a B vitamin complex and curcumin) carefully into her hand, which she’d used the last of the smoothie to wash down, and she’d shakily showered (Duncan having finished long before) and dressed (a tulip-sleeved maxi dress with tiny red flowers and a slit up the side, a dress he loved achingly, immediately; today she put on a tiny rose-gold moon necklace, the one he remembered from the summery photo of her he’d left arrow-pierced hearts on on her Instagram), brushing her hair out with a trembling hand in the bathroom mirror as he watched her from the bedroom, glancing up from his phone, trying to be subtle, worrying over her pale face. Duncan looked down at his phone again; Samuel had texted him that he and Harris were waiting in the BMW outside, and that there were a few paps milling around outside as well; that Duncan should tell them when they were heading downstairs so Harris could escort Kenzie to the car. Paps rarely bothered Duncan at the high-rise; the Shepherds simply had too much money, Bill and Annette inclined to leverage cash for privacy, but it seemed Kenzie’s appearance in his life had emboldened some of them beyond past arrangements. Going to have to make some calls about that, he thought, pulling a hand through the side of his hair. There can’t be paps around here, Kenzie needs to feel safe here.
“Are you sure you’re okay, baby?” He asked as she emerged from the bathroom, her expression serious, a little blush on her cheeks today to hide her hangover, reaching down for her black satchel which was leaning against the nightstand on her side of the bed. He came up to her, his hand falling down her hair to her shoulder, along the side of her waist. “Should you stay home from work today? Annette wants to see us at 6, and I have this press conference I have to go to a few hours before that, but maybe you should stay here and sleep.”
“Duncan, I can’t, my article’s going live on the website today and it’s already out with the print edition. Candice is expecting me to come in today.” He watched with tenderness as she pulled his big black Brooks Brothers cardigan on over her dress; all her clothes are here now but she still chose that cardigan, he thought, and wanted to kiss her, but held back. “And I know Ben is gonna bother me about your interview again--I need your email for him, by the way, or I’ll just give you his contact, I guess. I just need to go in for a few hours. I’ll be fine. But, speaking of my article…I meant to say something before…”
Duncan looked at her quietly. Oh no...what’s the article?
Kenzie pushed a shaky hand through her hair, fingers coming down to fiddle with her necklace. “I was at that party to spy.”
Duncan pressed a hand immediately to his chin. I should have realized that. Why would Kenzie be at that party if she works for the Post unless she was covert. If I hadn’t fallen immediately for her, I would have seen that right away. But I did. I did fall for her. I’ve fallen for her completely and now she lives with me and I love her. Fuck.
“I recorded bits of conversations and used them for my article. It’s about underhanded PAC donors for Republican Congressmen. Senator Howell specifically, but a few others.”
“Fuck,” Duncan closed his eyes. “Kenzie. Fuck.” He pressed two fingers into his eyelids, down the bridge of his nose, breathing out heavily. “My mother--my Uncle is trying to get President Underwood to pass a deregulation bill--this is going to interfere--”
Duncan stopped suddenly. This is going to interfere with our objectives, was what he had been about to say. But the layers of Annette Shepherd in that statement had sent a cold chill immediately down his spine. No. I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to scold Kenzie for this. This article was her job, and she’s a journalist, and this is her work, and it must have taken her a fuckload of guts to crash that party, and she didn’t know me yet--and things have changed. The objective for me has changed.
“Baby, when I got the assignment, I didn’t know you yet--” Kenzie had started, her eyes shining, her mouth turned down sadly, but Duncan shook his head harshly and brought his thumb to Kenzie’s lips to stop her words and leaned his head down with fervid immediacy and kissed her, open-mouthed, and he felt her trembling against him soothe and soften as he tasted her, words washing out of him like a tide drifting away from shore. “It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter,” he breathed into her between their mouths, pulling away and then coming back with his hands in her hair, pulling her into him by the wool of his cardigan she wore, breathless, “we’re going to get through this and everything will be okay because you’re here with me now and I’m yours and that’s all that matters and the objective changed, fuck, it changed, to hell with all of them.”
Kenzie nodded into him; she didn’t speak, just nodded into him, her face turned up to him, her feet tip-toed to reach him, and she nodded and fell against him, her hands holding his face, her lips whispering a secret language into him that only the two of them could understand.
--------
Kenzie had quickly walked out of the high-rise’s entrance to the BMW, ahead of Duncan before he could stop her. Harris was closely at her side, holding a black umbrella over her head though the rain was light, scanning the perimeter of the sidewalk in front of the high-rise, his large hand pressed carefully into Kenzie’s back. Several of the paps rushed toward her, snapping their cameras, Harris getting in the way to spoil their shots; they noticed Duncan come out behind her and rushed at him next. “Duncan, Duncan, are you two living together?” The man closest to him asked, shoving a round microphone near his cheek, a cameraman with a steadicam behind him with its lens pointed at Duncan. “Are you engaged? Have you spoken with Madeline Stone? What does Annette think of all of this?”
“She thinks you should mind you own fucking business,” Duncan said, curtly, following Kenzie and Harris quickly as the two men chased behind him, still holding out the microphone and camera. “You know you’re not supposed to show up around here, Gary, and if I fucking see you again we’re yanking all of the BPF press credentials from the Gala next week. You can pass that on to Gretchen and whoever else is in league with you from the outlets.” Gary, who had patchy gray hair and beard and a pudgy face and was wearing a leather jacket on top of a polo shirt, stopped when Duncan said this, his face shocked. “Fuck off and don’t come around here again, I’m warning you, this building is off-limits, as if don’t you fucking know that already.” Duncan turned away from him and slid into the backseat of the BMW, slamming the door. Kenzie had a stony expression on her face, but grasped Duncan’s hand tightly when he reached for her, staring down at her phone as if to distract herself. Samuel pulled the BMW away from the curb, soft strains of Ella drifting to the backseat (such conflicting questions ride around in my brain / should I order cyanide or order champagne), and Duncan closed his eyes, trying to let her voice in to calm him down, gripping Kenzie’s hand perhaps too hard; she shook her wrist a little and he softened his hold on her. His blood was boiling, his mind red-hot suddenly, and he felt as though he wanted to tell Samuel to reverse the car and let him out so he could punch the BPF reporter in the jaw. Gary Spencer was known for crossing boundaries regularly; another BPF reporter named Sissy Conners was also known for her propensity to cross police lines and find back entrances, and Duncan wondered absently if it had been her who had found Kenzie trying to leave One Franklin Square through the loading dock entrance a few days ago. As if she had read his mind, Kenzie lifted her phone up to his eyes; Claire had sent her another link, this one with two videos: the first of Kenzie looking startled in the camera and Samuel barking at the cameraman to step back; Sissy’s telltale brightly colored two-piece in the corner of the shot. The second was from yesterday at Kenzie’s apartment; mostly unintelligible shouting, with Kenzie’s head pointed down and Duncan looking angry and annoyed into a camera off to the side of the video.
“Fuck, I fucking hate them,” he breathed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “They’re fucking relentless. I’m sorry, Kenzie.”
“It’s not your fault. I know I need to get used to this.”
“I just wish it wasn’t like this. I hate seeing them rush at you like that. It pisses me off and I can’t fucking think straight.”
Kenzie was staring down at her phone again, though, her thumb sliding back and forth against his palm, and smiling. “What are you smiling about,” he said, tell me, fingers hooking around the edge of the cardigan, pulling her mouth against him again. The anger was dissolving out of him now, her proximity able to calm him with a supernatural ease; her gold, seeping into me, like soothing medicine, like wildflower honey.
“Just Instagram. The comments on these photos you took of me. People are flipping out, but it’s kind of...funny. Some are nice, too.” Duncan looked down at her phone; she had brought up the picture he took of her yesterday on the way home, her eyes closed, her expression sleepy, with the sunlight falling over her cheek. Sleepy angel. It had over 275,000 likes now. Duncan pulled her phone gently out of her hand; Kenzie let him, the smile still playing around the corners of her mouth (light pink lipstain, like a little candy). He scrolled down.
She really is an angel isn’t she followed by six heart-eye emojis. Yes, she fucking is, he thought.
She doesn’t deserve you dump her
They’re getting married I’m calling it!!!
Seriously this couple is the ultimate OTP, amennnnnn
LEGENDARY MADELINE STONE HAS A LEGENDARY DAUGHTER TURNING THAT RICH BOY ASS TO JELLY I LOVE QUEENS
I give this two weeks y’all
STILL WANT YOU TO BE WITH @marissamontague I WON’T GIVE UP
A long line of crying-face emojis
She’s a gold digger
SHE’S WEARING THE NECKLACE AGAIN ASKADFLASKGHSGKHSA
She is like a little peach, I am so in love with their love
Omg I bet she’s going to the Gala with him and I will not survive those photos
A long line of yellow heart and celestial sun emojis
Kenzie looked at the comments over his shoulder as he scrolled down. “Marissa Montague, like the actress? The one who does romcoms and Lifetime movies?” Kenzie looked at him with a puzzled expression. “There are people who want you to be with her?”
Duncan blushed involuntarily, glancing at her. “Yeah. Her fans are pretty strange. They come to red carpets and try to make me sign photos of her. She and I were running in similar circles for awhile…”
Kenzie squinted at him, and her lips fell in a closed line. “Oh, really.”
“We went on a few dates. She’s...deeply superficial. She usually talked about her endorsement deals.”
Kenzie narrowed her eyes even further, half-facetiously pulling her hand out of his. “Oh. A few.”
“Baby, don’t,” Duncan reached for her and pressed his lips into her neck. Kenzie sat stiffly for a moment, then leaned into his mouth, giggling. “That tickles, I’m gonna unleash these puppies on you.” She wiggled her fingers into his throat and he jumped back, laughing. He slipped her phone back into her lap, his hand resting on her thigh. “It didn’t fucking mean anything. It was years ago. I had a lot of meaningless relationships for a long time. Now it seems like it was in another life.”
“Oh, you’re so important, so many sordid love affairs--”
“Kenzie…” Duncan pressed into her again, hand falling up her hip, biting gently down on her right ear lobe, breathing into her neck. “I love you.” She pulled his face up into hers and Duncan’s nerves simmered into low fire; “I love you too, baby,” she whispered into him. “And you’re mine, aren’t you, baby--” “Yes, yes, Kenzie, fuck yes, I’m all yours--”
The memory of Duncan’s anger became a distant pinprick of light in his mind as Kenzie’s hands fell through his hair, his lifting up to cup her breasts through the fabric of the dress, pushing the cardigan from her shoulders so he could feel the bare skin of her arms; the rain fell against the windows and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the blood rushing through his limbs, into his groin, as her tongue fell against his and the sweet smell of roses and vetiver filled his nose and his senses and it felt like the sun was out and warm on his skin, rain be damned.
------
The paps were out in full force again; Duncan turned to look over his shoulder as Samuel pulled up to One Franklin Square, out of Kenzie’s languid embrace (his lips had been on her neck again and she was threading her fingers through his hair), and saw them milling around towards the entrance. None of them seemed to have noticed the BMW yet, though.
“Samuel and I will be back to pick you up around 4:30 so we can go home and change for dinner, okay?” He turned back to Kenzie, whose eyes were bright, staring at him with pent desire from his kisses. Her hangover seemed to have dissipated in the car ride; maybe it was the green smoothie and the vitamins, maybe it was something else, he thought, pressing his lips against hers again, his hand falling down her golden-chestnut hair one more time. The partition floated down and Duncan willed it to go back up; not yet, he begged internally. Just a little bit longer, her hair and her body under my hands, I just want to look at her in this dress with its tiny red flowers, look at the gold moon around her throat, the curve of her collarbones, her smiling at me this way, her cheeks with that glow, her mouth swollen with my kisses. “I’ll email Ben Wilder today about the interview. And everything is gonna be fine, baby. I promise.”
“Okay.” Harris was already coming around the passenger side of Kenzie’s door, his sharp eyes scanning the doorway, counting the number of paps; he pulled the door open and said “Miss Mackenzie, time to go,” and Kenzie kissed Duncan with a small desperation again, and then she slipped away from him and he felt that ache, the one that always accompanied her leaving now, the feeling that a piece of him was ripped away and there was a hole, gaping, an open wound smarting in the air. He watched, eyes taking on that stormy shade (though he couldn’t see it himself), as Harris carefully pressed a hand into her back to shield her, and several paps noticed her coming toward the entrance now, rushing up to her. He couldn’t make out their words from the half-distance, now, but there were camera flashes and he watched a microphone come under her and she turned away from it, her golden hair bouncing behind her in the gray light (the rain had stopped a few minutes before and the ground was shiny with water, the sky still overcast), clutching the strap of her satchel closer against her, Harris coming between them, covering her with an expert precision, and he could vaguely hear more questions being shouted at her though he couldn’t make them out, and then she was inside and the paps were standing against the windows, cameras still clicking, peering after her, some of them turning around to snap photos of the BMW as Samuel hit the gas pedal and the car drifted away. Duncan continued to look back, his hand coming up to his chin, against his mouth. She’s so brave. My Kenzie. She’s so brave and so strong and she’s doing so well and I love her so much, I love how brave she is, how fearless, the proud look that comes into her eyes, the way she lifts her chin and pushes forward. Mom is going to pitch a fit to me about that article, but that was so brave of her, she could have gotten into so much hot water there if she got caught, my girlfriend is a stone cold badass and I’m not sure I’m good enough for her.
As if on cue, Duncan’s phone chimed out a text. Mom.
That article is in DIRECT opposition to our objectives. Did you know she was writing that?
No, Duncan replied, curtly. I did not know until this morning when she told me it was being published today. She got the assignment before we met.
Mom: We will talk about this when you get here. Nothing else.
“How are you these days, Mr. Shepherd?” Samuel’s voice floated back to him, soothing, soft, the music turned low.
“Wildly in love, thanks, Samuel,” Duncan smiled at him with a burst of genuine feeling. “But Kenzie’s meeting Annette tonight and I’m....concerned. About how she’ll be treated. And my temper. Which I’ve already lost once today.”
“Your love for each other will overcome any obstacle. If you will it, it will become reality. It will soften the heart of even Annette Shepherd when she sees it, who also loves you very much, of that I am certain.”
“Thank you, Samuel. Can we stop at English Rose Garden before we get to Shepherd Hall, please? I want to get something for Kenzie.”
“Certainly, Mr. Shepherd.”
--------
There was a bouquet of a dozen dark red roses wrapped carefully in black tissue paper beside Duncan in the backseat of the BMW when they pulled up to Shepherd Hall; the inner lining of the tissue had a layer of very thin plastic wrap and several wet cloths around the bottom of the stems to keep them from wilting. Duncan grasped them carefully where the stems gathered, stepping out of the car and passing them carefully to Samuel in the front seat, the better to keep an eye on them; Duncan imagined coming into Shepherd Hall with a bouquet of roses that wasn’t for his mother and the cold look of disbelief in her eyes. Shouldn’t press my luck today, things are going to be bad enough already. He nodded to Samuel gratefully and straightened, looking towards the entrance; there was plenty of press milling around it, but most of them were clearly associated press with clearly labeled passes around their necks, going in and out of Shepherd Hall, waiting for the press conference to start. Duncan wondered absently why his mother had demanded he be there at all, it was, after all, just a dedication for the new Dance Center; just to exert her will over me, I think, show her she can still make me do what she wants and to get back at me for posting photos of Kenzie. Get used to it, Mom. There’s lots more to come.
...So much for not pressing my luck, he scolded himself.
He adjusted the collar and cuffs of his mock neck shirt, discarding the light jacket he wore, opening the door to the backseat of the BMW again and tossing it onto the leather upholstery; the day was still overcast, but the rain was forecast to be over for now and the air was muggy, misty with hanging moisture and an early-summer breeze. Duncan appreciated the coolness of the breeze through his hair; his skin had started to prickle with an odd sense of foreboding, no doubt kindled by his apprehension at seeing his mother. I wish Kenzie were here now, he thought. I want everyone at this press conference to know who I’m with now, and I want them to know that nothing my mother or my uncle say or do will take her away from me. Duncan was aware Bill had a round of chemo scheduled for today; he didn’t leave the house much anymore regardless, and Duncan only tended to see him when he went there to report about an episode or the app or some other kind of feedback on the enterprises of Shepherd Unlimited. Good thing, too, because if my mother disapproves of Kenzie, Bill probably wants to hire a hitman to take her out by now. Duncan shivered at the thought; not a unlikely as one might hope. Bill almost never communicated with him directly; his uncle used Annette as a mediator between the two of them, having never particularly warmed to Duncan, it seemed, for one reason or another. It was also the reason, Duncan suspected, that Annette was going to push to have Bill sign his Will over to Duncan only when he was too sick, too far gone, to protest. The truth of that gave Duncan an nauseous feeling whenever he contemplated it, but Bill Shepherd was not a particularly nice man, and Duncan didn’t feel as bad about all of it as he might have with someone who hadn’t treated him like he was a nuisance for most of his life. His mother loved him; Bill Shepherd barely tolerated him.
Duncan stepped towards the glass doors of Shepherd Hall; several members of the press milling around that area turned towards him with recognition. Duncan pretended to stare down at his phone; he saw Gretchen Friedrichs approaching him out of the corner of his eye in a tulip-yellow sheath dress, a black-and-white striped blazer and very pointy black Louboutins, their red undersides stark in the gray daylight, her long platinum hair bouncing against her back, her smile too big and too white, a press pass swinging around her neck. Stay calm, Duncan demanded to himself. You already snapped on Gary Spencer, don’t let Gretchen get to you too.
“Duncannnnn,” she purred, and Duncan winced, his eyes narrowing just slightly, his eyes sliding over to her. “My, my, haven’t we been the busy boy.”
“Gretchen,” he said through clenched teeth, walking fast. “I think I recall telling you I wouldn’t be doing anymore interviews for Patriot Watch. Funny, I ran into Gary Spencer morning, as they say, outside of my residence, an area that’s off-limits to all of you, which I’m quite sure he was already aware of...you, of course, wouldn’t know anything about that, I’m sure.”
“What would Gary being doing at your building?” Gretchen said in an obnoxiously high octave, faux-appalled. “He really should know better, shouldn’t he?”
Duncan went up to the door, waving a little at the press members he recognized but ignoring their requests for comments; he went to move inside but Gretchen slipped in ahead of him, “Oh, thanks, Duncan, what a gentleman!” she murmured, flashing her teeth at him again; like a giant cat about to rip a warm animal apart, he thought. He tried to move past her in the carpeted, quiet interior of the foyer; he knew the press conference was in the 120-capacity room downstairs across from the newly minted Shepherd Memorial Theater, which would feature much of the Dance School’s performances, but Gretchen continued to trot beside him in her Louboutins, somehow able to keep pace with him despite his long stride.
“So that article from little Miss Stone in the Post this morning is really something, Duncan,” she said as she trotted along beside him, and he glared at her. Duncan, keep your fucking temper, don’t do it, don’t let her get to you. “Care to comment? Anything to say? Did you know she was going to write such an incendiary indictment of the financial spheres of political process?”
He was silent; she’d tried to bait him with that last bit, and he’d almost replied, but Duncan bit into the side of his cheek to stop himself. Duncan kept his long stride up and Gretchen was falling behind. She barked at him again.
“Isn’t it going to interfere with the Shepherd-funded Future Act?”
“Gretchen, I’m going to say this as kindly and as clearly as I possibly can: Fuck. Off. Right. Now.”
“Or what, Mr. Shepherd?” Gretchen stared at him, her eyes flashing. She stopped her trotting, and Duncan continued away from her, not turning.
“Or I’m going to get her to write something about you.”
“Is that a threat?”
Duncan said nothing and continued to walk away from her, his mind seething.
“See you at the Gala, Duncan.” Duncan glanced back to see Gretchen standing there with her arms crossed, a smirk plastered to her face. “You and that sweet little piece of ass.” Duncan clenched his teeth at that, balling his hand into a fist, grasping the handle of the side-door to the conference room, yanking it open, not looking back at her again. I’ve thrown Kenzie into a pit of vipers, haven’t I. These people will try to get at her any way they can. I have to do everything in my power to be the buffer between them. God, I need to calm the fuck down. Threatening Gretchen Friedrichs is just going to make it worse.
He looked up; he saw Erik sitting nonchalantly in a styling chair in the corner, languidly scrolling through his phone, but Annette was nowhere to be seen, at least, not yet.
“Hey, Erik,” he said, trying to keep his tone even. He pushed what had just transpired with Friedrichs to the back of his mind; time to put on a face for his mother.
“Well, well, well,” Erik glanced up at him without moving his shiny, bald head. He wore a long chiffon lavender-colored scarf around his neck today and had false eyelashes on. His nails were carefully manicured. “The man whose name is on everyone’s lips. Prince Duncan. You should see how pissed off you’ve managed to make your poor mother. Come, sit over here, let’s have a look at you. Photos, you know. Not that you ever need much work, Your skin is looking absolutely radiant. All that good sex, I’m sure.”
Duncan came over to the styling chair, blushing, Erik standing and pushing Duncan down into it, hands immediately coming up to Duncan’s hair; the older man sighed, smiling down at him. “This hair. Forgive me, dear, but having none of my own, I always get a special thrill when I get to touch it.”
“Touch away, Erik. On a scale of 1 to 10, how angry is Annette right now?”
“I’d say 12 is the low estimate.” Erik pushed the pump on a bottle of product that sat on the styling table nearby, a mirror built into the wall behind it, smoothing it between his very clean fingers and pressing it languidly through Duncan’s hair. “She could be at 15, you know how she is. It’s usually hiding until someone says the wrong thing. Which is usually Bill Shepherd’s department. You’re always her golden boy, but gracious me, baby, lately, you are stirring the pot, aren’t you? Instagram, gossip sites, snapping at paparazzi, endless photos. Young love. I’ll tell you right now, I’m in your corner. She’s undoubtedly a little flower. I can’t wait to come up with some confection for her tomorrow.”
“I love her, Erik.”
“Sure you do, pumpkin. Of course.”
Duncan looked down at his phone; a text from Kenzie.
I forgot to give you Ben’s contact before, so here it is. He won’t leave me alone, please email him, thank you for doing this, I love you. Some of those paps tried to get into the building a little while ago but security escorted them back out. Harris is hanging out upstairs with me and everyone loves him! I think Ben is going to steal him. Hope everything is going okay bb. Wanted to text you before the press conference. Can’t wait for today to be over. She’d added an exasperated-face emoji and a red heart at the end. The second text as was a contact bubble: Ben Wilder.
Haven’t seen Mom yet, Duncan replied, --but have been told she’s pretty upset. I will do anything I can to calm her down before tonight. I love you so much, baby. If she says anything unkind to you, please try to let it roll off you. She won’t mean it, because she doesn’t know you yet. I’ll email Ben right now.
Duncan opened his email and addressed it to: [email protected], from: [email protected]. Attn: Ben Wilder, Features Editor, Washington Post. Hey Ben. Mackenzie mentioned that you were interested in an interview. I’m happy to sit down with you sometime next week, provided she is there as well; she can decide whether or not she wants to participate, but I want her to sit in. Tuesday works best for me, but I could make some time on Wednesday afternoon as well. Let me know. Regards, Duncan Shepherd. He hit send and lowered his phone; the door swung to, and Annette Shepherd walked into the room, trailed closely by Seth Grayson.
She turned; her eyes fell on him with a measured, gradual acrimony, her slender, beautiful face falling downwards to a regal discomfort, her perfectly waved hair around her shoulders, framing her striking beauty; he had often thought his mother grew even more beautiful as she aged. As ever, Annette was immaculately dressed; for the press conference she was wearing a Diane von Furstenberg dark cobalt silk wrap dress, with a diamond pattern print across it falling to a earthward slant, and low Stuart Weitzman sand-colored suede pumps. As usual, she had no necklace; only the round diamond studs she wore so often, and a thin band of gold around one wrist.
“Duncan,” she breathed, and Seth retreated to a corner, staring at his phone as though whatever he saw there was wildly engrossing.
“Mom.”
“Do you realize how damaging that article could be?” Annette advanced on him, her fingers coming together in front of her in a fist; Duncan stayed in the styling chair, trying not to react. “The bill likely wouldn’t go through at this juncture, regardless, but now? Claire Underwood frankly refuses to sign it, and she’s going to push Gallagher through--Bill could not persuade her to see things as Frank did, confirming our worst fears.”
“Mom.”
“How can this be happening, I keep asking myself. How can my only son, my pride, my joy, be disobeying me and disregarding me so utterly? How can he be saddling himself to the daughter of a woman who would love nothing more than to see my enterprises and my work crumble into dust? How can he?”
“Mom.”
“Let me guess. You love her.”
Duncan said nothing. He stared at his mother; her eyes were cold, shining like twin candle flames in a dark room. He remembered times when she’d been angry with him as a child again; in that gaze he felt minute and impermanent, loveless and discarded. Or he had. Now, he knew that no matter his mother’s anger, she did love him; sometimes she hoarded that love, kept it from him, but he knew it was there. And Kenzie loves me. Even if Mom didn’t love me anymore; even if she cut me off without a penny, even if she pretended she didn’t anymore. Kenzie loves me. She does. And I love her. Loving her is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me; everything we’ve done, Mom, pales dreadfully in comparison.
Erik stood to the side, observing them with his hand pressed to his face, lips pursed. Now, he interjected.
“Annette, surely you must remember what it’s like to be young.”
“Erik, with all due respect, shut the hell up.” Annette glared at him, crossing her arms.
“Whatever I say clearly won’t make you happy,” Duncan said. “But I’m humbly asking that you treat her with respect over dinner tonight, Mom. It would mean a lot to me if you could be kind to her.”
Annette scoffed. “As kind as her article was to our interests, surely. As kind as her mother has been to me on public stages, of course.”
“Since you’ve always been so kind to Madeline, fucking Medusa.”
Annette’s mouth clamped shut at that; she seethed at him, suddenly reminding him of himself a moment ago with Gretchen in the hallway. I am my mother’s son, he thought. We’re both horribly stubborn and we both have bad tempers, and we both refuse to retreat.
“I spoke to her, you know,” she spat, pacing back and forth in front of Duncan, but still staring at him. “As arrogant as ever, as presumptive; as overconfident as I remember her, insisting I can’t “interject in your affairs”--” here, Annette lifted her hands and flexed her index and middle fingers, mimicking a quotation, pausing in her pacing.
“You can’t. Not when it comes to this.”
Annette stared at him; Duncan thought her face would melt, the anger in her eyes as so immediate and intense. She said nothing; her mouth hung open a little, clearly too flabbergasted to reply.
“It’s five after 3,” Seth said, quietly but firmly. “The press conference was supposed to start five minutes ago.”
Annette looked away from Duncan; to Erik for a moment, then into space, her thoughts unreadable. “Get up, Seth.” Grayson lept up. “Duncan. You must contain her. Come.” With this statement, Annette walked across the room and yanked the opposite door open; the door that led to the conference room. Duncan followed her out, his stride pointed, determined to keep his expression neutral and his resolve stony. First, we’ll get through this. Then, we’ll get through tonight.
------
Duncan glanced impatiently at his Movado as the press conference began to wind down; it was almost 4 and he had felt his phone vibrate in his pocket about fifteen minutes ago, in the middle of a long answer from his mother about the scholarships for the Dance School the Foundation was setting up. He began to feel convinced through some unseen sixth sense that the text was from Kenzie, and that it was something important. Annette had managed to hide her annoyance from the press for the duration; it was being taped, and my mother is nothing if not professional, Duncan thought, hand coming up to his jaw to rub there, but when she looked at him over the past hour it was with a dark gaze that made the back of his neck tingle with apprehension. What are you planning, Mom.
“I have a question for Duncan,” Duncan heard someone say; it was Gretchen Friedrichs. Oh no. “Do you plan to have your girlfriend, Mackenzie Stone, on the show soon? It’s ranked second as of now in cable news, and as a journalist for The Washington Post, I think she’d bring a...unique perspective.” Gretchen smiled with all her teeth. “The two of you have been a trending topic on Twitter and Instagram for three days--”
Annette balked visibly and she feigned looking at the clock hanging in the corner of the room, “It looks like we’re out of time for more questions, what a shame,” she said to Gretchen, cutting her off, her smile overwarm. She stood and walked to where Duncan sat, pushing on the long sleeve of his shirt. Get up, Duncan, her hand said. Duncan went to obey her, then for a moment, he couldn’t fathom what to do, his legs seemingly turned to lead; Gretchen was staring at him with that grin, and his mind went hazy with anger.
“Mackenzie is busy with her own projects right now,” he said, and felt the cold pinch of Annette’s fingers digging into the skin of his upper arm. “But eventually I hope for us to work together in a professional capacity, yes.”
The room erupted in voices, other press members shouting their questions out at him across the room (“What does her editorial from this morning indicate for the goals of Shepherd Unlimited?” Will we see a partnership between the Post and Shepherd Unlimited?” “Will she be attending the Gala with you?” “What do you think of her mother’s political statements in the past?”, ‘Annette, does this mean you and Madeline Stone have reconciled?”, “Will you have Madeline Stone on the show?” “Is the implication of leftist politics an indication of the future of Shepherd Unlimited?”); Duncan could feel Annette’s fingers dig in even further, painfully, and he stood, shaking his arm out of the pincer-like grip of his mother’s hand. She stalked after him through the side-door; Seth coming through after them (“no more questions, no more questions,” Duncan heard him say, breathlessly, to the room), half-running, leaning against it with a hard snap as if there were a pack of wolves after him.
“Have you lost your mind?” Annette’s hands came up and grasped at the collar of Duncan’s shirt; Duncan gently pulled her hands away and stepped back from her; she had sputtered out the words as if they were making her sick.
“Mom. I told you. You can’t stop this.”
“Oh, I can’t? What if I pull the plug on the show?”
“You heard Gretchen; it’s got one of the highest viewer ratings on cable news. We both know you won’t do that.”
“What has gotten into you? It’s like you’re possessed,” Annette stared at him, a wild light behind her eyes again; instead of anger, though, he now saw something else there; a kind of panic, a disorientated alarm, and one more thing...a dawning recognition. “What is wrong with you?”
“I have to go pick up Kenzie now. I’ll see you in a few hours for dinner, Mom.”
With that, Duncan turned and walked away from her, not waiting for a reply, through the opposite door, down the carpeted hallway and foyer of Shepherd Hall, skirting around the press members who had begun to file out of the conference room, ignoring their shouts to him; he quickened his pace to a jog, feeling as though he were suddenly suffocating, and pressed through the entrance, running out to the BMW, yanking the back door open, sliding in and slamming it behind him. Samuel glanced back at him in concern as Duncan pulled his phone out of his pocket, breathlessly, staring down at it; a missed call and a text from Kenzie. Her text was odd, like she’d typed it all out without really reading it or pausing.
a man managed to get upstairs past security somehow and harris was in the bathroom and he grabbed me by the arm and tried to drag me into the hallway je was rambling abot Shepherd unlimited taking everything away from him so he was going to take something away from the Shepherds and i’m ok but haris did this thing to him where he hit him in the throat like it was ju jitsu or something i don’t know and the man fell on the ground unconscious the cops are her ad i had to give a statemtn but i’m okay but baby oh my god oh my god
“FUCK.” Duncan felt his anger and panic reach a crashing crescendo that fell over him in a suffocating wave; he suddenly, with a removed anguish that felt almost involuntary, punched the bulletproof, tinted glass of the window, the pain immediate and scattering along his knuckles like it had been smashed in a door, and Duncan winced, biting his lip hard, clutching his palm over the fist his hand was still stuck in. “Fuck! Fuck!”
“Mr. Shepherd, tell me where to go,” Samuel looked back at him with an alarmed expression; it was nearly impossible to break the glass of the BMW’s windows, and Duncan knew his chauffeur wasn’t worried about the car, rather the likelihood that Duncan had broken a bone in his hand. Duncan wasn’t prone to displays of physical anger; what he had just done wasn’t something Samuel had witnessed from the younger man since he was a willful teenager.
“One Franklin Square, Samuel, hurry, someone tried to hurt Kenzie,” Duncan said, and the desperation in his voice was enough to send sharp spears of icy cold fear down into his stomach. Samuel said nothing, only laid his foot flat on the gas, the BMW peeling away from the curb and accelerating rapidly, speeding towards downtown. Duncan felt wildly sick, suddenly, and he willed his stomach to settle, willed his nerves to even, feeling dizzying nausea behind his throat. Oh god, someone tried to hurt Kenzie, his hand clutched to his jaw, his eyes dazed. Oh god, someone--
“Mr. Shepherd, she is brave. I’m sure she is alright. Steel yourself to be brave for her too.”
Duncan sucked his breath in, harshly, heart slamming. “Yes. Okay. Hurry, Samuel, please, just hurry.”
He typed quickly, pressing send. Baby, I’m coming now, I’m so sorry, I was stuck in that stupid fucking press conference, I’m coming, we’ll be there in two minutes...
------
Two minutes and fifty seconds later the BMW screeched up to the curb and Duncan threw the door open, noticing there were still several paps milling around the entrance; he saw red again, felt the seething-hot urge to hit one of them. No, stop thinking about what you want, whatever you think you need. Kenzie needs you, stop being so fucking self-absorbed, he thought. Find her. That’s all that matters.
He ran past them; their shouts to him sounded like they were underwater, his ears blocked by the sound of his heart pounding, and he rushed through the doors, throwing himself at the receptionist’s desk; “Which floor is Mackenzie Stone on,” he asked breathlessly; the receptionist was a young girl with a dark, short bob haircut and navy eyeshadow; her eyes widened in recognition at him, her mouth popping open. “Duncan Shepherd,” she whispered. “Mackenzie. Stone. Which. Floor.” Duncan breathed out each word pointedly, his hand coming around the flat screen of her desktop computer and pressing his index finger at the directory searchbar. She blinked at him again, then said “10, all the resident journalists are on that floor--” and he launched himself away from the desk to where the elevators stretched a yard or so down the foyer. One of the doors slid open as he ran up; oh merciful Fates, thank you; he skirted past the surprised woman who exited, fingers slamming against the 10 button, and she peered around the corner of the elevator doors at him as they slid shut, clearly recognizing him. “Come on, come on, come on,” Duncan muttered as the elevator seemed to climb with excruciating slowness; no one else got in the elevator, though, thank you merciful and benevolent Fates thank you, and finally the doors slid open to the 10th floor.
Duncan’s eyes swung wildly back and forth and laid almost instantly against the back corner where Harris’ distinctly large form sat in an office chair, pulled up against a small desk, behind which the shivering figure of his Kenzie sat, her chestnut hair shaking in the gray day’s light; her hands were clutched around her arms and her face was tear-stained, her eyes closed, eliciting a terrible ache from the center of his body that threatened to burst his heart. He ran out of the elevator and past two women (one white, tall and thin with very long, straight hair, one black and very curvy, with a curly weave) who stared at him with shocked expressions in their eyes, down the short walkway of desks to Kenzie’s; her eyes lifted up to him and her lip trembled, tears falling immediately down her cheeks, sending daggers into his heart again; Kenzie (oh my Kenzie) stood, pushing her desk chair back and launching herself into his arms, an aching sob escaping from her lips as she pressed her face into his black shirt, and he could feel the wetness of her tears soak through to his bare skin. He pushed his face into her head, into her hair, and heard his voice whisper “Shhh, shhh baby, I’m here, I’m so sorry, I’m here now, are you okay, are you alright--” and his hand fell down, feeling her body, trying to find anything wrong, any sign of physical harm; no, she wasn’t hurt, her little body pressing into him, but she was sobbing with a terrible relief that threatened him with tears too, and Duncan bit his lip to stave his own away.
“Mr. Shepherd, I can’t say how sorry I am, I’ve failed you in my duties--” Harris looked up at them, his sepia eyes clouded.
“Harris, no, failed? No. You’re the reason Kenzie is safe. Please. Don’t. Thank you. I can’t thank you enough. Whatever we’re paying you, I’m doubling it. I’m tripling it.”
“Thank you, Harris,” Kenzie whispered, her voice still tinged with a sob and muffled against Duncan’s shirt, her arms twined around him tightly, her body shaking. “Thank you.” Harris stared at her for a moment, his expression one of anguish, of distress; then it softened, and affection seeped into his gaze, and he nodded, blinking, quiet.
“Baby, I’m so sorry, I was in that stupid conference and I couldn’t look at my phone, but I felt my phone vibrate and I had this terrible feeling, this feeling like it was you and something terrible happened, and I’m so sorry I wasn’t here--” Duncan’s mouth was pressed into the side of her hair, and he clutched her with desperate relief, speaking quietly down to her ear. Kenzie shook her head against him, the golden waves making him ache; Duncan buried his fingers in her hair, lifting her little face up to him, thumbs pressing the tears gently away, kissing her softly. “It’s not your fault, baby, I’m just so glad you’re here now, I’m so glad you’re here.” Kenzie pressed her face against him again. “They took the man away--I--I don’t know where they took him…” Duncan cradled her against him, the warm feeling of her little body filling him with terrible, overwhelming emotion; none of them said anything, and eventually Kenzie began to quiet, her sobs fading into hiccups, hiccups fading into deep breaths, and then even ones. The two women Duncan had passed looked back at them, whispering quietly to each other; Duncan tried to ignore them. Kenzie leaned back from him, wiping at her eyes with a little hand, sniffling again. “We need to go to dinner now,” she said, and Duncan tried to protest--”baby, are you okay, are you gonna be okay to do that--” and she cut him off. “I need to meet Annette. I’m not waiting anymore.”
Duncan looked at Harris for a moment; the larger man nodded slightly, his expression difficult to read, and yet Duncan felt he understood what the man was trying to say, anyway. Do what Kenzie says. She’s in charge. “Okay, Kenzie.” She pushed out of his arms and pressed the sleeves of the black cardigan against her eyes for a moment, dabbing away the residue of her tears, and shut her Macbook, which had been pushed at an odd angle to the side of her desk, sliding it into her satchel carefully. She straightened, reached for a tissue from a box beside a little rustic sun and moon statue on the desk; then, she turned to him, slung her bag over her shoulder, and said “Let’s go.” Harris stood, coming around her to her back, protectively; she threaded her fingers through Duncan’s, and pulled him toward the elevator; Duncan followed obediently, in awe of her. She is the most amazing person I have ever known.
--------
Kenzie had folded herself into Duncan in the backseat on the way back to the penthouse; her little body sighing against him in the crook under his arm, her spot, that place she was torn away from me once, back at the beginning of time, her face, red from crying, her cheeks hot against him, his hand trailing at the soft tulip sleeves over her shoulders, the warm skin of her arm and down to her elbow and back, through the strands of her hair, gentle, rhythmic. Neither of them spoke; Duncan couldn’t bring himself to ask her for more details of what had happened, loathe to bring her to tears again; somehow he knew she would tell him later, tell him everything, when they were alone and holding each other in the darkness of their bedroom, their bed, their secret place that belonged only to them. Duncan considered trying to persuade Kenzie that they should cancel dinner with his mother; but no, he knew, that can’t happen and it won’t, because we have to do this, we have to make my mother understand, Annette needs to understand that no one and nothing can tear us away from each other. Nothing and no one but death itself. It’s long past time she knows; really knows.
Duncan helped Kenzie out of the car and she was quiet now; her breathing slow and even, her eyes gazing at him with a clearer expression, some of her shock having faded; the day was still overcast and it seemed as though it might rain again, darker clouds coming in from the west. He followed her inside to the elevator; Jerry nodded to them, seeming to notice their solemn mood, and Anchaly looked up from his desk, his eyes crinkling at Kenzie’s tear-reddened cheeks. Duncan noticed he still had his copy of Tropic of Cancer, his finger pressed between the pages, near the end; “Human beings make a strange fauna and flora,” he murmured to the older man as they passed. Anchaly raised his eyebrows, and looked back to the book, clearly content in the mystery of the moment. Kenzie slipped inside the elevator and Duncan followed her carefully; she pressed into him as the doors shut, raising her lips up into his, and he held her, tenderly, his mind and heart aching at the thought that she could have been hurt today, something could have happened to her; “I’m so glad you’re okay, baby, Kenzie, I don’t know what I would have done if something happened to you,” he whispered as the elevator climbed, and he glanced to the long mirror inside, where she was now staring at the shape of them pressed together, his lips against the side of her face, and he thought of The Kiss by Klimt again, thought of its gold paint and her gold, her endless gold, bright even in her sadness and her shock, bright in spite of anything that would try to dim her. Kenzie didn’t say anything, but again he felt he could somehow feel the drift of her thoughts: I love you, Duncan, and I will be brave because I love you so much, I love you and I will be brave in the face of my fear because love is stronger and it is more and it is the only thing, I know that now, I will make Annette understand, we’ll make her understand--
Once back in the penthouse, they went quietly to the bedroom, discarding their clothing from the day carelessly; for a moment, Kenzie pressed against him again as they stood in the walk-in closet, in only her bra and underwear, Duncan in only his briefs; she sighed, and he closed his eyes, overwhelmed with the feeling of their bare skin against each other; he longed to draw her mouth into his again, longed to press his fingers down into the sweetness of her clit and soothe her with ecstasy, but he knew that when they fucked again it would need to come from her, it would have to be at her bidding, and he resolved himself to be patient; “I hate that this has been so much to bear for you--” he spoke quietly down into her ear, and she shook it against his mouth, shook her head so her lips brushed against his ribs, making him shiver; “I’d do it a thousand times more to be with you,” she murmured, and he held back the tears he felt warming his senses; his mind ached, and he felt that any words were not enough for how he felt towards her in that moment; “I love you,” he said, quiet, into her ear, and he felt her lips smile into his skin. She pulled away from him, bringing the dress they’d picked out yesterday down from the hanger where they stood in the walk-in closet; he turned, pulling on one of his dozens of pairs of tailored slacks, one of line of a two-dozen black dress shirts that hung on his side (and her side over there, her side with its softness and color and her there); “Baby, zip me up,” he heard her little voice say, and he turned to her hair pulled over her shoulder, the bare nape of her neck facing him, and he pressed his mouth into her there and felt her shiver, his hands coming down around her waist to press at her hips, and he ached for the darkness of their bed, ached for the sweet embrace of night to come. He zipped her up carefully and she turned to him, smiling despite the residue of her tears still lingering, then she went into the bathroom and Duncan buttoned his shirt, watching her back, the little sequined black dress hugging her small frame, her little face in the mirror as she pressed a small compact against her cheeks to hide the redness as he pulled on one of his velvet cocktail blazers, the smell of her drifting around him like a song. Kenzie emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, dark eyeshadow on her eyelids, dark burgundy lipstick at her mouth, the Tiffany moon around her neck again; she lifted her hands to it as she stared at him, and she said “your love, to give me strength.” She had the little black clutch in her hand, the one she had the night they met on that rosy balcony a week ago (only a week, no, it’s been a year, it’s been years, ages, and it’s been no time at all) and pointed black pumps on her small feet; they lifted her about level to his shoulder, and he was struck again by how small she was, even in heels.
Duncan nodded, too overwhelmed again to speak, reaching out for her, gathering her up in his arms. She fingered his Movado, staring down at it. “Time to go, baby,” she said, lifting her face up to him, kissing him softly. Duncan leaned into her; he thought of how he’d run away from his mother this afternoon, defiant and angry, and toward Kenzie, who could have so easily been hurt today, and he turned his face the better to kiss her, relief flooding through him again. He felt her smile into him again; heard her laugh into him, her tears now faded and her skin cool and soft, and the relief rebounded and echoed into the lining of him. Fortune is still smiling. It has protected us all this way, maybe it can even convince my mother. Maybe even that.
-----
Back in the car Duncan handed her the roses he’d bought for her earlier that day; it seemed like it had been years ago when he’d cheerfully picked them out at the florist, dark, deep red and as fresh as if he’d picked them himself. They still looked as lovely as they had when he chose them, thanks to the cool, wet cloths the florists had wrapped around the stems and the top-of-the-line air conditioning in the BMW; thank the Fates, because I forgot about them entirely after Kenzie’s text message, he thought. A radiant smile fell over her face as she took them from him; “Oh, baby, they’re so beautiful,” she murmured, leaning her face up to kiss him again, and he felt relief flood through his body again like dopamine; to see her smile after the sound and feeling of her sobbing into him was like a drug kicking in after excruciating pain. Kenzie held them close in her lap during the ride to the Jefferson, her head leaning softly on his shoulder, her fingers trailing against the silky-soft petals of the flowers, her eyes falling over them again and again; Kenzie seemed to drift away from him for awhile during that car ride (Etta James floating through the speakers tonight; stormy weather, stormy weather...and I just can’t get my poor self together...oh, I’m weary all of the time), and he worried again over the impact her day had had on her; wished they could be alone, fast-forward to later, so she could tell him everything, so he would really know what had happened. As they pulled up to the latticed doorway of the Jefferson, though, Kenzie lifted her head and a studied cautiousness flooded into her eyes. Duncan gazed down at her, struck by it.
“Samuel, please look after my roses, won’t you?” (Harris had gone home for the day; he was officially off the clock until tomorrow morning).
“Miss Mackenzie, of course I will.”
“Thank you. You are so good to me.”
“Miss Mackenzie, please. Of course. You are beloved.”
Kenzie gazed through the partition at Samuel for a moment, and Duncan’s heart felt swollen with the weight of his adoration for her; swollen with the words Samuel had spoken to her. You are beloved. Yes. You are most beloved by me, and those who would keep you and protect you and devote ourselves to you, sweet Kenzie. And I long to be your most devoted.
Duncan helped her out of the car and she passed the roses back to Samuel through the window; a bolt of lightning flashed over them, closely followed by a peal of thunder; rain soon to come. They ran inside as the first drops began to fall, hands tightly clasped, and Duncan was struck by a wild desire to keep running with her; my Kenzie, my dearest one, until the rain drenched them and they could disappear into the night and become new, they could be anonymous again and retreat into a secret hidden place where no one could find them, no one could try to hurt her, no one could be cruel to her, where only beautiful and wonderful things surrounded her, only things devoted to her. The warmth of his thoughts rushed into him and just as quickly rushed away as they entered the foyer of the Jefferson Hotel and moved into the hushed cocoon of Plume, his mother’s favorite; in the past few years Duncan had been here with her over two-dozen times. Once Annette found something she liked, she rarely deviated from it. We are very alike in that way, he thought, squeezing Kenzie’s hand a little. She looked up at him, a nervous smile on her mouth, golden hair falling over her shoulder. The makeup she wore washed away the signs of strain and tiredness he’d seen there earlier, but he knew she still felt those emotions underneath. The dress fit her perfectly, but it almost made her look like someone else; like the version of her Annette would ideally prefer, and that made his heart twinge with discomfort. I know you, Kenzie, I see your gold, and your warmth is so much more than whatever my mother wants. He thought of her flowing black dress with the red flowers today, and wanted to kiss her neck; imagined flowers in her hair again, for the hundredth time, it seemed.
Annette always insisted on dining in the private wine room. It was partitioned from the rest of the dining area by a frosted glass door that hid anything within from prying eyes; usually Duncan felt it was excessive, but tonight, he wanted to keep Kenzie from any further molestation by strangers first and foremost, and was relieved to know they’d be shielded from anyone who might be dining that night. A server (middle-aged with thinning hair and a severe stare) led them carefully to the door, pulling it open for them; his eyes skirted over them with clear recognition, but he said nothing. Duncan turned towards the large wooden table in the center of the room as the server shut the door behind them; and met the cold eyes of Annette Shepherd, cradling her wine glass carefully (Pinot Noir, her preferred beast); they slid off him and zeroed in on Kenzie, like the barrel of a gun at a bullseye. She had changed out of the wrap dress she’d worn for the press conference, and was now in a black sheath dress, tattoo lace cutting away from the black bodice along the neck and arms, extending down to trumpet sleeves at her wrists.
“Mackenzie.”
Duncan’s eyes fell down on her, standing beside him; Kenzie held her clutch in both hands in front of her, against her abdomen; her eyes, gold and tawny green in the low light, staring back at Annette with simmering caution. One of her hands came up to press her fingers along the crescent moon at her throat; Annette’s eyes followed her hand there, and Duncan knew; knew that his mother knew that the necklace was from him. It seemed to kindle some sort of low fire in Annette; she smirked; the smirk he knew so well, far closer to the true incarnation of her mirth than any of her dazzlingly fake smiles on public stages and television. Annette’s real mirth came from a knowledge of her power; how tight her grip on control was. The tighter her grip, the more genuine her mirth.
“Come sit by me, dear.”
Kenzie stepped forward, and Duncan noticed the jut of her chin, the flutter of her eyelids; my brave Kenzie. Kenzie went to the seat on Annette’s left side, pulling the chair out and sitting neatly, keeping her back straight, setting her clutch beside the plate in front of her; she stared down nervously for a moment at the array of forks and spoons around it, then back at Annette, smiling a little; Duncan could see the way she was trying to be sweet, trying to maintain her composure, and it made his chest feel tight. Annette beckoned to Duncan with one perfectly manicured hand; “Duncan, sit over here.” She patted the table on her right side; the seat across from Kenzie, so they’d be facing each other. Duncan bit his lip and considered disobeying for a moment; considered sitting in the seat next to Kenzie. But then he decided against it; it would be better to look at Kenzie’s face, so I know how she’s feeling, he thought. So I know if a moment comes where we need to escape. He came around and sat, looking into Kenzie’s eyes as he did. It’s okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay. I will make sure it is.
“I’ve been so anxious to meet you,” Kenzie said, softly, her eyes leaving Duncan’s and moving into his mother’s; her expression falling a little, one of her little hands coming up to the ends of her hair, seeing the coldness in Annette’s gaze, despite her smile. “I...I’ve wanted to tell you...what a wonderful son you’ve raised. He’s been…”
Kenzie trailed off then, and looked down at her hands. Duncan knew that in that moment she was fighting off tears. Oh my sweet Kenzie, he thought, imagining that he could push his warmth and his energy to her across the table; imagining it was gold and drifting, dust full of calmness and strength and all his love, falling into her, against her, under her skin. Be brave. I love you so.
“I love him.” Duncan could hear the tremor in her voice, but as she said it, it was as if the emotion he wanted to give her; the comfort, the wave of gold; had not only settled into her, but around the table; that it had enveloped the three of them in some sort of invisible cocoon, one that she had pushed out of her being, strengthened by his love and his energy, and made into something greater; something that did not diminish as it was shared, but expounded, resounding like an echo that grew rather than receded. It snatched the breath from his lungs; for a moment, it was as if the air was sucked out of the room. He looked at Kenzie for a moment with wonder--then his gaze fell on his mother, whose expression became unreadable, obtuse, conflicted; Annette said nothing for another long moment, then drank long at her wine glass; she set it down on the table, and brought the napkin on her lap up to her mouth, dabbing carefully. She set the napkin back on her lap and continued to stare at Kenzie; Duncan could see something in her gaze that seemed almost envious, a twinge of jealousy; a kind of longing for something long past and never to be reclaimed. Then it retreated; Annette broke the spell of her judgement, and looked down at her lap, a sigh escaping her lips.
“Mackenzie. My god. You look so much like your mother. When I knew her at school.”
The comment sent a current of shock floating through Duncan’s veins; he knew his mother too well to assume she meant it facetiously or with faux-sweetness. Both Annette and Madeline had been known for their powerful personalities and yes, their beauty, when they had been young. It was one thing to say Kenzie looked like Madeline; it was another to say she looked like the Madeline Annette had once known more intimately. It was true they had never been friends in the strictest sense of the word, but there was a time Annette and Madeline had shared study groups and classes; when they had appraised each other across parties, maybe even shared drunken conversations on late nights. There was a time Madeline and Annette could have been friends, as Madeline had implied herself; Annette had chosen not to accept that friendship, but it wasn’t as if there had never been an inkling of it. No, the truth was, the comment had been a genuine one from Annette; suddenly, the air in the room, coming off Annette like pheromones, had shifted from hostility to a kind of heavy resignation.
Annette turned to Duncan, and he noticed the change in her expression now, too. Her eyes, which had a moment ago been full of coiled inference, were soft with surrender. What had prompted it was unclear to him; but the coldness she had shown him today seemed to dissolve in this moment, and Duncan felt that there would likely never be another chance as fortuitous as this one, somehow, to convince her of the sincerity of his desires.
“Mom. This is my Kenzie. I love her...so very much. Please, give us your blessing. If you would, it would mean the world to me.”
Annette was silent again, for what felt like an eon, her hand coming up to fiddle with one of her diamond earrings, looking away from both of them, as though she had forgotten something important. The waiter opened the frosted glass door; Annette shook her head at him and he retreated, the door shutting with a snap. Kenzie’s eyes (so bright, so beautiful, so full of her essence, her loveliness, her kindness, her goodness) reached across to him as Annette remained this way, and her smile to him was like the flowers bursting into bloom at the true dawn of spring; he felt utterly overcome by her again (and again and again), and wished he could reach her to touch her, anxious to be closer to her.
“If this is really what you...want...Duncan.” Annette’s voice seemed puzzled; her stony composure, usually so resolute, had fractured somehow, abruptly; she seemed lost in the sincerity that drifted between them, seemed to shrink from it, then, with disbelief, Duncan noticed the glimmer of tears in her eyes.
“It is, Mom. It really is.”
She sniffed, drained her wine glass, and looked at Kenzie for another long moment. She did not smile, but she said, quietly, “Very well. I...understand. I see. And because you are my greatest joy, Duncan, I will permit you yours. You...have my blessing. Now. Pour me another glass of wine.”
#duckenzie#millory#millory fans are the goat#duncan shepherd#duncan x mackenzie#duncan x mallory#michael x mallory#duncan shepherd au#duncan shepherd x mackenzie stone#my fic#body and soul#ahs apocalypse#house of cards#house of cards au#body and soul fanfic#cody fern#billie lourd#collie#cody x billie#mallory x michael#collie au#michael langdon#millory au#mallory au#michael x mallory au#ahs apocalypse au
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Proud
A/N: This was prompted here on tumblr and was written pre-mural-gate :p
In all honesty it's a lil rushed and on the short side since I wanted to get it OUT (pun intended) before the actual 4.26. Thus this has had no BETA, but I do hope it's decent!!
Summary: A fictionalized AU version of what went down on 4.26 2019.
TW: Anxiety
Read it on Ao3 or on wattpad
--
I'm gay.
I'm gay.
I'm gay.
The first time Taylor Swift said those words out loud she'd just turned 14 and she could hear her own heart beat in her ears, so loud that it drowned out her words.
Those scary, stigmatized words that she'd been planning to let pass over her lips for months by the time they actually did.
Now, all these years later all she can remember from around the time of her 14th birthday is the day after her the party. It was overwhelming nausea, it was shaking hands and then hugs, a lot of hugs, most of them from her mother who'd always been supportive and proud of Taylor for being herself; no matter what that had meant over the years.
Andrea is standing beside Taylor now as the 29-year old looks over her appearance in the mirror and presses her stubborn, unruly hair down for the fifth time in just over a minute. Her mom's smile is encouraging, "You look great, honey." She says placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder, "You look great and you can do this."
"Thanks mo-" Taylor begins only to be cut off by the sound of her phone ringing in the back of her jeans' pocket.
Fishing the phone out Taylor glances at the screen and smiles, "it's Austin." She announces, accepting the call and putting the device to her ear.
"Hi!"
"Hey! How are you doing so far?" Her little brother asks gently and Taylor's smile dies from her lips as if on command.
"I'm okay, I'm waiting for Karlie..."
"She's not there?"
"She and dad just took Joe for a walk..."
"Lousy timing!"
"No it's okay, I'm okay...And mom's here."
"Okay...Teffy?"
"Mhm?"
"I love you and I'm damn proud of you."
"Thanks," I love you too!"
The two have barely hung up when Karlie comes into the room in the company of Joe the dog and Scott Swift. Karlie immediately takes Joe's leash off and then makes her way right to Taylor who has now sat down at the piano.
As her girl walks over Taylor has the time to observe her own fingers on the piano keys and to will her hands (to only moderate success) to stop shaking.
She takes a deep breath and looks up at the clock, five minutes til midnight. Exhaling unevenly Taylor lets her finger dance over the piano keys without pressing them down, just to check she has it all memorized.
Just then Karlie is there, close, with her, wrapping her arms around her fiancée.
"How are you doing, Daisy?" She whispers softly and Taylor feels herself tense up at the uncomfortable question.
"I'm fine, I've got this..." She says and wishes she could've sounded more confident.
"Damn right you do," Karlie assures her, "but I'm gonna need you to talk to me because I can hear in your voice that you're not okay..." The younger woman pushed.
"...I'm...nervous." Taylor admits reluctantly, the statement sounds almost like a question and her voice is small.
"Awww," Karlie pulls her closer and brushes some hair away from Taylor's neck with her nose, kissing the now exposed skin almost teasingly, "My baby still gets nervous?"
"Extra, tonight..." Taylor leans her head back and into Karlie, wanting the embrace to protect her from the mounting anxiety.
"What if they figure it out, Karls?" She mumbles and feels her heart fall into her stomach once again as a new wave of nausea hits.
More kisses, "if they do they do." Karlie says simply and there is a trademark Sunshine smile in her tone. Taylor twists her engagement ring nervously and Karlie rubs her back in reassurance.
"Baby, you're being the bravest possible version of yourself and I'm so damn proud of you!"
"I hate to interrupt this supportive moment," Tree's voice, (filled with so much genuine empathy and care that Taylor wants to cry from the overwhelming love in the room) sounds from the couch, "But that's two minutes to midnight, T."
"Okay," Taylor agrees a little breathlessly, slipping her ring off and handing it to Karlie before she mounts her phone atop the piano, in the optimal angle to record her face and the keys as she plays. Karlie scurries away and collects Joe before joining the others on the couch.
"If this is too much, we can always take the backup." Tree reminds Taylor who only shakes her head.
They've been planning this for weeks now and she won't back out at the last second. There will be plenty of time to play In Your Eyes later after all, it will be the second single, but it shouldn't be the song played or released tonight.
"Okay, the post is up and it's midnight, go!" Tree says and Taylor presses record on her phone to officially start the Live video now streaming on her website where the countdown used to be only moments ago.
"Hi guys!" Taylor exclaims and waves at the camera, hoping her smile doesn't look as nervous as it feels.
To all the world it looks as if Taylor is sitting alone in the living room, at her piano, everyone watching her right now have no idea of the entire support system hidden from view. The support system of four of Taylor's favorite people on earth, only one of them secretly so.
She swallows, "So I figured before the new song goes up on all the streaming platforms I'd play it for you, just you and me, how does that sound?" She pauses for a moment as the comments pop up and she can't help but smile.
"Okay so the song is called Wedding Bells and it's off of my new album Proud that's gonna be out on July 13th, I am super excited for you to hear it!"
--
February 2017
"Karlie," Taylor said, exasperated and not even close to smiling. "Why are you trying to make this into a joke when I clearly don't find it fucking funny?"
These words were causing Karlie to seriously consider how much biting off her own tongue would actually hurt.
"Hey," she tried softly instead, "hey...I'm sorry, okay? I'm just trying to make this a little easier."
"But it's not easy baby, it's not!" Taylor protested and tears were running down her cheeks now.
"Believe me I know, but Taylor, please, I can't have you freak out like this, I-"
"I'm not freaking out," Taylor said, a little calmer now, wiping her tears and biting her lip to stop the new wave threatening to fall from her eyes.
"So what you're telling me," she asked slowly, seemingly fighting to keep her voice calm. "Is that you're going to pretend to marry him?"
At those absurd words being spoken aloud Karlie's already fragile, tired heart shattered into a million pieces, Taylor wasn't even looking at her anymore.
The singer had spun around and started aimlessly rearranging the dishes in the sink in an attempt to find something to do with her hands, probably.
"Okay, first of all," Karlie said as she walked over to her girlfriend, prepared to wrap her arms around the shorter woman. "The keyword here is pretend."
Karlie pulled Taylor close as she spoke and pressed her lips softly to the side of the singer's neck. Something that'd usually appease her, not this time though. Taylor (likely realizing what Karlie had in mind) jerked her head unceremoniously to the side, away from Karlie's approaching lips and causing a cup she'd been holding to fall back into the sink with a jarring crash.
The model hadn't noticed before, but now she could plainly both see and feel that Taylor was shaking and when she turned back towards Karlie the familiar blue eyes were flaring with...something. Anger? Hurt? Frustration?
Karlie caught herself lowering her own gaze at the sight; Taylor was clearly taking this badly. That had of course been expected, but Karlie was starting to get genuinely scared now, Taylor was even more upset than she'd feared.
"Well," She snapped, brusquely backing out of Karlie's attempted embrace and causing her arms to fall awkwardly to her sides, "We said it wouldn't go that far, we always said...." She seemed to lose her words, or her train of thought, or her sanity...
Karlie looked up to meet those eyes, dark with hurt now.
"Tay," She tried, but her girlfriend shook her head, her eyes almost overflowing with held back tears now.
"I just always thought-"
"I know..."
--
Taylor suppresses the rest of the unpleasant memory, she looks back up smiling at the camera again as she starts playing.
What if they figure it out? They won't though, not for another month and that's how she wants it, for tonight she's just proud of herself for taking the first step on this last bit of road.
It's been a long walk, but just like they promised each other that night in the back of a car, Karlie squeezing her hand, they've never stopped walking it together, not even for a second and soon everyone else will get to march with them too.
There may not be a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, but there will be happiness. Happiness and freedom for her and for Karlie and that will be worth all of this, the tears and the fear. Maybe it's the fact that she took such a hefty doze of anxiety suppressors for this but Taylor isn't scared anymore, not one bit, instead she's proud!
A/N: Happy 4.26, let's hope we all survive!
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