#EDIT: THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG. I FORGOT ABOUT IT
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You were created by humans to protect. They died, so you continued to protect—protect everything they hold dear. You rest in the corners of hell that make mockeries of their holy places and tell yourself that you, you are the last bastion of everything they held dear. You are more than a machine, you fight like man—with honor—as you still bow before the thing that claims to be you. It fights like a dog, and you flee. You can't bring yourself to go back and see what has become of the temple.
You have a new purpose now. If it seeks to destroy, you will give it destruction. You use everything that humanity taught you to create, study the curvatures of their statues to weld together a new arm out of the remains of a sentry you mangled (what a worthless, worthless warmachine—knowing nothing but itself) resembling their own. You settle, once again, in a faux temple—this one of golden stone—and you wait.
It arrives. Of course it does. And you rend it apart. Piece by bloody piece. You take apart everything that you hate, hate, hate. It takes until your chest is dented in for the red haze in your vision to clear, to realize the scrap lining the floor is your own.
So you flee. Not in cowardice—you are not human enough for cowardice, you have always known this—but for the most mechanical thought of self-preservation. You flee and it follows, and some sinking feeling knows that the only thing the two of you feel is hunger.
You were never human, nor did you truly seek to protect anything but yourself. You will never know peace, for you were nothing more than a leftover of war.
It hardly matters. You were created by humans to die—and you die like the machine you are.
#Ultrakill#V2#I was encouraged to post my V2 ramble here a while ago and just… never did. So here it is#Text Files#<- Going to start using that as a catchall for both bigger written works and snippets like this.#EDIT: THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG. I FORGOT ABOUT IT#1k
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*posts random rukh thoughts over a month late b/c I forgot about it*
Are the rukh an actual light source? The things my mind gets stuck on repeatedly while working on shit.
The answer would appear to be yes. This is shown when there is enough gathered at one place, usually in a relation with one of the magi using enough magic and producing magoi at a rate to be visible to everyone who can't usually see them. With the exception of Judar, but I'll get to black rukh in a minute. This is usually conveyed through light even if the surroundings are dim. The first time Aladdin is seen really going off is one such occurrence.
I keep thinking to myself. How does rukh produce light when magi using magic isn't involved? Do magicians constantly see hundreds, thousands, of light sources no one else can see? Or is the light so minimal it doesn't make a difference? I like to know what light sources I'm dealing with.
The closest we get for this is with Baba. She sees the world directly through rukh; it is her source of sight. Though tbf, the anime doesn't really touch on her being blind outside of her interaction with rukh. The manga is only a little clearer. Point being, light source or not, it is a way to see and experience the world.
Does that mean that it acts as a sort of passive night vision outside of Baba? Who knows. The one time I can think of an example is that while exploring the fifth district there isn't much light shown outside of some lanterns and dim lights, but Aladdin, Titus and Sphintus don't seem to have much trouble. Meanwhile, Marga and the rest of the citizens there are used to the level of light and don't work really as a control group. So I dunno.
The other conclusion is that it's not the rukh that produce the light. It comes from the magoi that they produce. When Judar explains the magic system to Aladdin (imo, a condescending smartass doing an exposition dump is a surprisingly effective way to deliver information to the audience in a quick manner), he produces magoi to deliver his point. It acts as a bright beacon that everyone reacts to and sees, especially when Judar starts attacking people with it.
I don't really have concluding thoughts on this. It's more of a ramble dump. Good place as any to switch to talk about black rukh.
I kinda dislike in the anime that black rukh is also shown to produce light. A dim purple light typically, but a light nonetheless. One of the reasons I think of to why is so that each is distinguishable in a way. That a mass of black rukh isn't shown to be a massive black blob and nothing else.
(left about normal, right darkened slightly to show point of black blob)
It isn't how I ever imagined them to be though.
I'll end this on a headcanon of mine. I always thought it made more sense for the black rukh to absorb light or at the very least cast a massive shadow. The first impression Aladdin gets from seeing Judar is describing him like a black sun. What would be the cause for someone to come to that conclusion? Mine was that the overwhelming amount of black rukh from Judar would be a blot of darkness until Aladdin can focus on him properly. If it is only dozens of black birds surrounding the guy the description will be less extreme.
An eclipse (what I can attribute to being like a black sun, outside of blackhole) doesn't just cast ordinary shadows. It is putting out the main light source of the planet. It isn't a cloudy day, a storm, or night time during a new moon: the closest other comparison. The darkness of an eclipse hits different. Plus, when Aladdin gets memories about the fall of Alma Tran the sun there looks like it is permanently eclipsed. That's the quickest shorthand to show that it is nothing but darkness all the time.
Anyway, that is how I see Judar and the black rukh in general. They are opposites and out of spite literally and metaphorically counteracts the light from the white rukh.
Yup, no closing thoughts. Thanks for reading this word vomit if you did!
#magi#i wrote did photo edits and then completely forgot about this#uh so have a random post over a month and a half late i guess#magi: the labyrinth of magic#magi labyrinth of magic#includes photo edit#long post#i wanted to get edit of alma tran in there to show final point but just now thought about it#this has been sitting in my drafts for way too long anyway
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MDZS Society! aka: there's a lot less killing than you'd expect
This follows from this post and also the recent translations of MXTX’s most recent interview (which I can now no longer bother to find bc this has been sitting in drafts for like, siiiix months? More? Oh god anyway.) which reminded me about my feelings regarding MDZS society and how different it is from the martial societies we see depicted in typical modern wuxia. (Small disclaimer, I am a wuxia genre fiend and I love like, thinking about fictional societies so this is like, “AHA! You’ve unlocked my trap card!”)
For the purposes of this, I’m going to be looking at MDZS/CQL’s depiction of the jianghu (which I think is fairly similar! I don’t actually think the show writers made CQL’s jianghu/martial society more genre typical than it was in the book) and comparing that with modern classic wuxia (mostly Jin Yong and Gu Long works.) For this comparison, I’ll be looking at a Jin Yong book — Legend of the Condor Heroes (which is widely considered the starting point of modern wuxia as a genre) — and one Gu Long book — Dagger Li/Sentimental Swordsman, Ruthless Sword (widely considered his most popular work) — and seeing how their societies differ from MDZS society.
This will likely come in two parts because this one was already getting long, and I don’t think we can fit “how often does nobility exist in a typical jianghu and what do bloodline sects look like normally versus what they look like in MDZS” in this post along with the main topic of “is MDZS society a particularly physically violent place?”
This post discusses how often cultivators are socially expected to kill people. Like, actual living human beings instead of, say, monsters or ghosts which have been categorized differently than like, human beings.
EDIT: I forgot to talk about Dagger Li but this was already much too long sorry. Feel free to hmu for more thoughts though.
Now, it might be easy to think that cultivators killing actual people is a really common thing in MDZS/CQL universe! After all, they do have martial arts training and one of the prominent things about the first life is just how many people die both in the Sunshot Campaign and the fallout afterwards. However, I would argue that a lot of the traumas and related issues and reactions that happen in MDZS happen because cultivators are, by training and education, not actually prepared for killing actual living breathing human beings! (And also that the morality of this world prevents it for the most part)
Now, we do actually get a pretty good window into what the typical training is like for young cultivators in MDZS, because we get a fairly well defined schoolhouse scene where LQR is asking them questions about "how do you tell the difference between various different problems we have to solve?" and "how do you go about fixing this problem?" and none of those include the moral quandary of "if I, a young cultivator out in the Jianghu, see a guy who is doing something I morally disagree with, under what circumstances do I beat him up and/or kill him." This does not appear to enter the curriculum at any point, leading me to believe that the morally correct number of people not like, ghosts or ghouls or fierce corpses, a regular average MDZS cultivator is supposed to have killed is approximately 0.
Which. Is a thing you get in a normal martial arts wuxia jianghu. There is generally the threat of "oh yeah this that or the other faction will be doing shitty things and thereby try to murder you." Instead, in MDZS/CQL most of the heirs of sects are...attending school together. Doing teenage things like partying and gossiping and attending classes.
And sure yes, there was a case of WWX and JZX trying to beat each other up. But the sects did sure let their kids stay at Lan summer camp for months on end (sometimes repeatedly, see NHS) without fearing for their lives or that anyone would steal another sect's techniques or otherwise causing real havoc or intersect warfare etc.
Which is infeasible in any other sort of Jianghu situation. For example, contrast this scenario with this scene from LOCH where Guo Jing's shifus are giving him advice since he is newly 17 and about to set out by himself into the great big world:
Guo Jing therefore bid farewell to his teachers. They had witnessed his battle against the Four Demons of the Yellow River, and were not too greatly worried. The young man had proved that he knew how to use the skills that they taught him. Therefore they let him leave alone. On one hand, the meeting of outlaws in Yanjing worried them greatly, so that they could not ignore it; and on the other hand, a youngster always had to travel the jianghu alone, in order to learn lessons that no teacher could pass on.
At the moment of parting, each made their last recommendations. As usual when the Six spoke after one another, Nan Xiren was the last one to express himself. "If you cannot defeat the enemy," he said. "Flee!"
He knew that given Guo Jing's dogged character, he would prefer to die rather than to surrender, if he met a master, he would certainly fight to the bitter end, even at the risk of death. That was the reason Nan Xiren gave him this common sense warning.
" Martial arts have no limits," added Zhu Cong. " As the proverb says, 'For every peak there is one yet higher', so for every man there is one stronger. Whatever your power, you will always one day meet a foe stronger than you. A true man knows to retreat when necessary, when facing grave danger, it is necessary to contain one's impatience and anger. This what is meant by the adage, « If one preserves the earth and its forests, one does not fear to lack firewood ». It is not therefore not cowardly to take good advice! When the enemy is too numerous and that you cannot face them there, it is especially necessary to avoid being too reckless. Keep in mind Fourth Shifu's advice!"
Does this seem like the sort of advice that any Young MDZS Cultivator would get? "You're a good kid, but when you go out into the world, there will be people who straight up want you dead even though they met you 15 minutes ago, you cannot persist in fighting with these people because they will want you dead and you are a baby cultivator who needs to learn to run away when shit gets rough or you will be dead."
And again I come back to how MDZS cultivators are more like occupational ghostbusters because this really does inform how their society functions and runs and how everyone reacts so badly to the Sunshot Campaign beginning and its aftermaths and possibly explains how JGS could get his way after Sunshot.
Because what happens when you get a society that does train heavily in martial arts and have Able To Kill Real People Weapons who spends most of their time solving very black and white situations of "okay is this ghost whose eating people's livers good or bad? y/n?" and a clear hierarchy of "how do we get rid of the ghost eating people's livers in town x" instead of say "is it morally correct to kill this group of bandits who's been threatening the town" or "is it morally correct to kill this shitty businessman who's been holding people hostage and threatening to hack off their limbs" you have a reduced level of philosophical musing on like, "what is the purpose of martial arts, which is designed to kill people and what do I use martial arts for?" and "under what circumstances and situations would I personally find it morally correct to kill a man?" Which are all questions that Wuxia coming of age stories typically have, and I think MDZS does have, but expressed differently.
Again, it appears that the number of Real Live Human Beings that it is morally acceptable to have stabbed in your life is approximately 0 in this universe, and the expectation that you, personally, might have to fend off people trying to stab you over brunch is also approximately 0.
This also leads to a situation where like, questions of vengeance have very difficult escape hatches! If your parents are murdered on the job by an evil rampaging ghost, this is very sad and tragic and now you're an orphan and of course that's not good, but this is a occupational job hazard, not like, "Yeah Joe Bob from the sect down the street murdered my dad because #Reasons~, and now it's my legacy to grow up to murder Job Bob from the sect down the street to avenge my dad."
(I have a whole essay about how this pertains to both of the Nie Brothers, and how it pertains to JGY and also Jin Ling, and how this seems to routinely fuck people up in MDZS in a very specific way we don't typically see in other wuxias, but this is getting SO long as it is).
But yeah "the socially acceptable number of real living people (instead of ghosts or demons or fierce corpses or whatever) to have killed in your lifetime as a cultivator is approximately 0" means that the Sunshot Generation gets really really fucked up by all of this "killing real people" they did.
Which! might be why JFM was so slow to move on "yeah the Wen are threatening to kill your heirs." <- socially inconceivable behavior. Why society in general is so shocked by Xue Yang and the murder of the Chang <- which would be bad normally but not quite like this. And why no one did anything specific about JGS even if they felt he wasn't entirely correct. What are they going to threaten him with? Death???? A trial of his peers? Social Shunning??? Public shame???
"But Tav how does this relate to CQL!Su She's morality?" I hear you ask. Well you see, the question of "he should've been ready to die for his sect!" is utterly baffling in a society where nobody is expected to be ready to die for their sect on a regular basis because the idea that you should be ready for someone trying to stab you before brunch is utterly nonsensical in a world where most people expect that the baseline number of murders a cultivator does in their lifetimes is 0. That's the world he lives in.
On this regard CQL!Su She is utterly blameless. Nobody handed him a rulebook or expectations sheet for "the sect down the street will try to kill you" nor SHOULD they expect he'd be ready to die at a drop of a hat when no part of the education or social expectations include "ready to die for your sect because it's routine for people to try to kill you."
If you don't even expect to be stabbed and possibly die at a discussion conference where there are lots of cultivators from many sects why on EARTH would you expect to be facing down death in your own home when there's. cultivators here to kill you, this situation is so out of left field?
#modao zushi#mdzs#meta#my meta#su she#this is not a society *without* violence to be clear#but it's not the sort of place where it'll have been acceptable to murder and maim before breakfast#and that's why traumas happen as they do#I've been sitting on this for ages#please don't discourse in my notes about if 'murder' is a good thing or a bad thing#this is just an observation on like#'is it societally common for cultivators to run around killing people?'#the answer to this question is no
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Penalty Box Series— Shoulder Check Showcase Edition
photo credits via instagram by _msfilms, henchcliffe_media, and greghorowitzphoto! all accounts are public dw! look at the tagged photos of the shoulder check on insta for more pics and the videos i took screenshots of!
22-23 Season & Summer Masterlist
p.s. kreider is in this bc it makes sense… sue me. tw to non rangers fans on him ig??
this is a long one to make up for all my short ones recently <3 (lie i just couldn’t shut up)
yourusername
liked by trevorzegras, shattdeuces, and 11,469 others
yourusername “the shoulder signifies something very important. it’s a commitment to reaching out, checking in, making sure everybody is okay. it’s a small gesture with a very big impact— the impact being that kindness is cool.”
on august 3rd, trevor participated in the shoulder check showcase for the HT40 foundation post being drafted first overall for said showcase!
he was captain of team moulson (the black jerseys!), scored the eighth goal for the team with a pass from my good friend nesty! the fifth slide is his celly where the damn fool kissed his stick. (this was post him failing at the michigan about nine million times) (it’s your signature move, babe. get it together.)
🚨he also committed the only crime of the night!🚨(the refs didn’t penalize him and i’m guessing that was just to keep the fast pace going) (the crowd had other opinions) (so did i) what was the crime? HE TRIPPED CHRIS KREIDER! aka his summer training partner! don’t worry though! he was belittled at dinner with chris and i AND i made him sit in the bathroom for two minutes to account for his crimes<3
sorry you lost in a shootout, my love! but you missed two shootout goals so this is all your fault, captain!
thank you, father zegras, for being a founding board members for the HT40 foundation and being a huge part in this cause. as someone who has struggled in the past, the work that this foundation does really means a lot to me.
p.s. i loved seeing shatty/mom, nesty, sonny, and spencer! i’ve missed you guys! mwah!
remember besties: reach out, check in, and make contact. because kindness is a contact sport🩵
tagged trevorzegras and theshouldercheck
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trevorzegras i’m so proud of you for all that you’ve overcome❤️ i love you, forever
yourusername i love you, always, z-baby❤️ (except when you make me cry like rn ihy)
trevorzegras i’m not taking it back! p.s. tackling me for a hug is not what was meant!
yourusername kindness is a contact sport and i chose football <3
trevorzegras can’t you choose any other sport?
yourusername i could choose water polo and drown you out of love
trevorzegras football it is!
yourusername kisses can be my field goals!
trevorzegras what about your two point conversions?
yourusername foreplay!
jamie.drysdale @/yourusername @/trevorzegras don’t play football in front of me
_quinnhughes @/yourusername @/trevorzegras i don’t think you two gave water polo enough thought
user42 he really tripped that old man… so trevor zegras of him
_quinnhughes you forgot to mention that when he called me to have you let him out you turned his penalty into a five minute major
yourusername two minutes for snitching->📦
_quinnhughes you’re in stamford?
yourusername update: i facetimed quinn and screamed until he sat in the bathroom
trevorzegras update: i’m giving her a penalty for screaming
yourusername update: trevor has a penalty for attempting to give me a penalty
trevorzegras update: kisses got me out early
_quinnhughes update: i hate you both
yourusername update: quinn has a double minor
yourusername update: jacky boy has two minutes just because
jackhughes update: i’m looking for a new soulmate
user6 the fact that if the refs were calling penalties z wouldn’t been starting the season with -1 games since his last penalty 😭
jackhughes strongest girl i know alert!
yourusername pls don’t make me emotional online i have a reputation to uphold mr. “heart not boobs”
lhughes_06 @/yourusername accept that you’re basically wonder woman
yourusername @/lhughes_06 accept that miley cyrus’s song wonder woman makes that comment 1000x more emo for me
jackhughes @/yourusername accept that you’re loved (despite the speech comment)
lhughes_06 @/yourusername very loved
_quinnhughes @/yourusername extremely loved
yourusername @/jackhughes @/lhughes_06 @_quinnhughes i love you all too! now stop before i sob!
user17 tell trevor thank you for signing my brother’s forehead! he was so happy!
chriskreider19 thanks for having z pay for his crimes against me!
yourusername ur so welcome thank you for feeding us occasionally!
trevorzegras please don’t thank her this has now become a common thing
yourusername @/trevorzegras mwah!
shattdeuces i’ve missed you, daughter! i’ll miss your post roadies gift bags next season!
yourusername you’ll get one when you play the ducks next season! i’ll start fires to give it to you if i have to!
shattdeuces just don’t get caught!
yourusername i never do! i’m a stealthy ninja
trevorzegras @/yourusername i’ve been catching you from falling since we were sixteen i’m not sure that qualifies as “stealthy”
yourusername @/trevorzegras that’s all part of my elaborate plan to never be caught when it’s important. no one will see it coming. my clumsiness is an act.
jackhughes @/yourusername an act that started at five years old?
yourusername @/jackhughes yes!
user4 announcers before the game started: we might see trevor do the michigan in person tonight! trevor: *attempts and fails 3 times*
_alexturcotte yeah babe! it’s your signature move! get it together! @/trevorzegras
trevorzegras don’t tell me what to do
yourusername @/trevorzegras get it together!
trevorzegras @/yourusername …yes dear
_alexturcotte @/trevorzegras I’VE KNOWN YOU LONGER DO I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!
yourusername @_alexturcotte jealousy isn’t a good color on you
trevorzegras @_alexturcotte ily babe
_alexturcotte @/trevorzegras ilym babe
yourusername @/trevorzegras ten minute major for infidelity!
trevorzegras @/yourusername worth it
user66 I CAN HEAR THE FIRST PICTURE 😭
jamie.drysdale i fully expect to be tackled next time i see you ms. “i choose football”
yourusername trevor will want to ask us to get a room because I MISS YOU SO BAD JAMIE BABY
trevorzegras @/yourusername what do you plan to do?!?!
jamie.drysdale I MISS YOU TOO
yourusername I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE BUTT
jamie.drysdale I LOVE YOU TOO YOU WEIRDO
trevorzegras @/yourusername WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO?!?!?!
yourusername @/trevorzegras commit infidelity
trevorzegras @/yourusername ten minute misconduct
yourusername @/trevorzegras worth it
jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras technically she was my wife first
trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale ejected from the game
yourusername @/trevorzegras hold up you can commit infidelity and i can’t?!
trevorzegras @/yourusername correct
yourusername @/trevorzegras misogyny at its finest. you’re kicked out of our mojo dojo casa house.
jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras ejected? nah. evicted.
trevorzegras update: i’m now homeless
_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras you’re not living with me this time
user97 this game just made me miss hockey more
slknight35 you wouldn’t ever give me a penalty right?
yourusername never. you and coley can do no wrong ever. and if you do, i’ll cover it up or take the fall. i’ll kill for you. i’ll sell trevor. i love you.
slknight35 i forgot that you’re so violently endearing😂 i love you too
jackhughes @/slknight35 she’s gotten worse since high school
colecaufield @/yourusername i love you best friend number two!
slknight35 @/jackhughes that’s terrifying
yourusername @/slkight35 yes i am <3
yourusername @/colecaufield I AIN’T GONNA EVER STOP LOVING YOU B(est) (fr)I(end) (number) T(wo) CH
colecaufield @/yourusername you ain’t slick
jackhughes @/yourusername but you are cringe
yourusername @/jackhughes bitch <3
yourusername in hopes that this comes up as a top comment for someone: you are all so loved. every single one of you. thank you for all the support that you give me, the boys, and to all the other teams, players, and their families that you share your love to. check in on your friends. even the ones that always seem to be the happiest person around. spread love, spread hope, and spread kindness🩵 mwah!
#penalty box series#penalty box series: bonus editions#trevor zegras#trevor zegras au#trevor zegras x reader#trevor zegras imagine#trevor zegras insta edit#trevor zegras x hughes reader#jack hughes#quinn hughes#luke hughes#jamie drysdale#cole caufield#spencer knight#hockey imagine#nhl imagine
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Sleepy-head
Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki x Fem!Reader
Genre: fluff, one-shot, bnha-imagines, college au, relationship
Warnings: language—because this has Bakugou in it.
A/n: It’s been a while since I've last uploaded 😭 I was just so busy with school that I never got the chance to complete writing my drafts. I’ve got a load of unfinished drafts here aAaaAaah! After months of not uploading, I’m finally backkkkkkk! Hope you like this rushed one. It may contain grammatical errors because this is not edited.
There was a knock on your door but there's no response that came from you.
A series of soft knocks soon followed, gradually increasing in intensity and frequency—a sign that whoever was on the other side of the door was getting impatient—but it still received nothing but silence.
There were some soft grumbles and clinking of keys. Then, the door to your room swung open and a blonde haired Pomeranian with furrowed eyebrows entered.
“—Hey, tf aren't ya answering your phone? I called ya multiple times, dumbass. I was worried ab—” Bakugou stopped mid-sentence, furrowed-brows diminishing upon seeing the scene in front of him.
His eyes roamed around the living room. There was a lot of scattered, scrunched up papers on the floor and on the table, empty boxes of takeouts—that came from different restaurants—notebooks and opened books that was as thick as a dictionary and highlighters and pens too.
Then, there was you.
Bakugou walked to the kitchen first and placed the groceries—and your favorite ice cream that he bought— on top of the table. Then he walked near your sleeping figure, picked up the remote that was placed just beside your snoring face, and turned off the tv—that he assumed that must have been on for hours.
He stared at your sleeping face, arms plopped up on top of the small table in the living room, and head placed on top of those arms, with your head rotated and facing the side. You also were sitting on the floor, legs crossed and sleeping.
That made him question himself if that sleeping position is comfy or not because you’d definitely be having cramps when you wake up.
“So this was why I wasn't able to contact you.” he whispered to himself and he shook his head. “Dumbass.” he whispered and smiled at your sleeping face.
You didn't mean to ignore your own boyfriend but the fact that you get distracted easily and always end up scrolling TikTok or FB made you want to decide to put your phone on DND mode. You forgot to tell him about that and ended up accidentally ignoring him as you stayed up late at night studying for your upcoming exams.
He squatted, levelling his face to yours—since the table in the living room was small.
Now that his face is at the same level as yours, he was able to stare at you more closely without blushing or stuttering like crazy.
Most of the time, you don’t even notice that he’d hold his breath when you’d get too close to his face. But since you’re currently sound asleep, it doesn’t make him nervous as it does when you’re awake.
Your hair was a mess and there were bags under your eyes but you still looked undeniably gorgeous in front of him—he was just there, squatting, and was just a few inches away from your face as he adoringly stared at you, not even realizing he was making that face.
That face you make when you’re looking at something or someone you really, really, really like.
Dilated pupils, a rose tinge on the cheeks, a wistful smile on the face, and a warm feeling in the stomach.
He just stared at you for he didn’t know how long, continuing to admire your beauty. He can’t even comprehend how he was able to get someone like you, to date someone like him.
Because before you, he was so damn sure no girl would be stay with him and be able to endure his attitude, mood swings, and bad attributes. He believed no one would love him because he’s just—unlovable.
But then, you came.
And damn, he’s so lucky to have you in his life.
“Like what you see?”
A small smirk formed on your lips as you raised your face to stare at the blonde’s— now widened eyes.
You were face to face with a flabbergasted looking Katsuki, eyes wide enough that seemed like he just saw a ghost.
It took him a millisecond to react. “G-gah!—hAH! As i-if, dumbass.” he scoffed, immediately masking his stutters and embarrassment with annoyance and playfully shoved your face away as he abruptly stood back up.
You giggled at your scowling boyfriend’s face as you see a hint of pink slowly forming on his cheeks. In addition, the reddening of his ears weren’t missed by your eyes.
“You look like shit, by the way.” He grumbled and plopped down on the floor beside you.
“And that came from someone who was busy ogling my face seconds ago.” You said in a sing-song voice as you closed your notebook shut— trying to hide the small dribble of saliva that was now forming on the piece of paper where you slept on.
“I wasn’t ogling you, shitty woman.” He groaned, the blush on his face now getting even redder.
“Uh—huh. Tell that to my hand.” you almost shove your palm right into his face as you bursted into fits of laughter. He patted your head and messed your hair up like he was petting a dog, excessively.
“AaaAaah! Stopppp—” You squirmed and tried to shake his hand off, giggling.
He stopped petting you and cupped both of your cheeks using one of his hand.
His hands are def huge.
“You def look like you haven’t slept.” he cringed, concern visible on his features.
“That’s ‘cause I didn’t, dumbass.” you said the last part, mimicking the way he’s always saying it.
He tsk—ed and leaned his face near yours, eyes roaming your face.
The fact that you’re unshowered, didn’t brush your teeth, has a lot of bags under your eyes and felt stinky, made you conscious.
The guy’s undeniably gorgeous and he’s not even trying! How can you not be conscious when his pretty face is shoved right in front of yours?
“Eck! Don’t come near me.” you squirmed and whined, pulling away from him, as you giggled nervously.
“Why not?”
“Just because!”
“Wdym ‘just because’ ?”
You groaned, exasperated. “Because I still haven’t showered, you dumdum.”
All of a sudden, he grabbed your arms and tug you into him, your face softly landing on his chest.
Smelling a whiff of your boyfriend’s cologne made you even more conscious if you actually smelled or not. Damnit.
“You’re right. You DO stink, dumbass.” he chuckled and that made his chest shook a bit. You playfully smacked his arm and that earned a yelp from him but he just chuckled some more.
“Damn you, Katsuuuu.” you whined. “I DEFINITELY DO NOT STINK.” you resisted the urge to sniff your armpits.
“Go take a shower, babe. And you need a break from studying.” he was still grinning in amusement.
Then and there you resisted the urge to smack your boyfriend’s grinning face.
“I’m too lazy to take a bath.” you pouted.
“Go take a bath, lazy woman. It’ll help you feel better, trust me.” he softly rubbed your back, the amused expression on his face changing into a concerned one.
You groaned. You’re just too exhausted and too lazy to even stand up and shower. Plus you’re already liking your position with Katsuki.
“Y’know, if you wanted me to shower you so badly, you could just say so.” he whispered huskily into your ear using a teasing tone.
You felt the hairs on the back of your neck stood up because of Katsuki’s close proximity to yours and the fact that he’s whispering in your ear and using that dam husky voice didn’t help.
“Fine, fine! I’ll shower already!” You were already on your feet before Katsuki could even say ‘dumbass.’
“I’ll set up the movies, babe.” he was chuckling in amusement. He knew that teasing you about that stuff always gets you all red and embarrassed so he always uses that “I’ll shower you myself” card which is a bit irritating because it always works on you.
In addition, the explosive boy didn’t fail to land a playful smack on your ass just before you left.
aira-writes © 2022
Likes, comments, and reblogs are deeply appreciated.
Don’t steal my work.
#aira-writes#bakugou katsuki#fluff#bakugou x reader#bakugou fluff#bakugou x y/n#female reader#bnha fluff#relationship#imagines#one shot#college au#bakugou bnha#bakugou mha#katsuki x female reader#katsuki x y/n#bnha katsuki fluff#crack#humor#mha katsuki fluff#bakugou katsuki imagines#katsuki x you#sleepy head#OOC bakugou#soft bakugou#grumbly bakugou#soft bnha Bakugou#Bakugou x reader
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18 on the choose violence 😏
EDIT: As y'all may have guessed, my queue I was saving drafts of these in was running last night and I forgot to switch the time over so here's the real answer.
18 - It's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on: you want me to CHOOSE?!? You expect me to CHOOSE just ONE character from Sandman that the fandom sleeps on?!?!?!? Oh, jail for 1000 years - well let me spin the roulette wheel Rose and Jed.
ROSE. God I'm emotional about her. She's been through so much, the loss of her baby brother with a father who it's implied was not the nicest, lost her mother and her best friend in the same year, and she nearly destroyed the world but yknow what, she literally did nothing wrong here. She called Dream an asshole and totally got away with it. She's got gay hair and gayer friends (fellow bi!Rose truthers anyone???? Hello??? Someone else please discuss, queer people do all tend to flock together) and I hope she gets everything she wants.
I really want to explore the possibilities of a growing relationship with her and her immortal family sometime. Morpheus isn't just going to forget about her and Jed and him looking out for her baby brother is the only way I can see her kind of starting to warm up to him again. Like I WANT to see that weird tense but possibly loving relationship explored. Dream clearly respected her intelligence and wanted to give her more information (even if he was also using her to find the Corinthian which. Not cool).
(Also I think she'd go NUTS for the library of Dreams. Like she's a writer and suddenly she's seeing all the books never published?? Who wouldn't want to read them all?)
I have feelings about the parallels between her and Death. Plus I have a hc as some of my friends already know, that in one of Rose's low moments Despair finds her and something about the fact that this girl is family tugs at her. She has her function and her duties but she also has a sense of loyalty. So that could cause some seriously juicy potential internal conflict for her AND Rose honestly kind of needs an outlet for her bottled up grief and the weightof responsibility she feels. For Jed, for Lyta and her son...feel free to ask or dm me if you want to know more this post is already long enough xD
(And the fact that in a series where she's ONE OF THE MAIN FUCKING CHARACTERS for multiple episodes of this series she gets so much less attention ON HER OWN SELF - I'm talking art and fic overall PERIOD, let alone stuff where she gets any interiority of her own or her character taken seriously is just. I don't even know man)
jED. My precious baby boy my son. I want to give him a hug. I want to wrap him in a warm blanket and give him cocoa and as much popcorn as he wants. Dream's reaction to Jed was in fact channeling me. This kid has been through too much and he deserves to live a happier life with his sister, so thank God he's gonna get it.
(But also does anyone wanna talk to me about the fact that Jed is a possible candidate for Dream's successor when he's older and might be even more viable than MASSIVE COMIC SPOILER ALERT Daniel Hall and all the ways this could complicate things HELLO.)
Miranda Walker - either the gif search function is broken which isn't beyond the realm of possibility here, or I couldn't find one gif of her in this show. And I KNOW people have made them I just can't find one...sigh
But I really want her to get more attention because her story is so potentially fascinating even if she barely got any screen time. Like this girl is the granddaughter of Desire, that must've massively impacted her life. I want to know how she dealt with the relationship with her children's father going sour and him taking Jed away and her struggling to raise her kids.
And last but certainly not least drumroll please...UNITY. That's right we're giving the whole Walker-Kincaid family some love!!
HER. The queen the legend the moment.
Her story man...it gets me emotional every time. She could've had a life in the waking world. I really want to see more about what her dream life (which we know she experienced as real, with time passing and all, because of the things she said about it) was like. Even without Desire, how did she handle basically growing up in Wonderland surrounded by dreams? (I can't take credit for the Alice in Wonderland vibes that was @violetoftheendless 's great idea.) Did she make friends and a new found family there? Did she see signs she didn't understand at the time of dreams and nightmares falling into chaos and eventually leaving the realm in a slow trickle?
But also she's just such a genuinely lovely person. She took Rose into her heart without a second thought and was prepared to take Jed - I'm sure she didn't know how much more time she had but she knew she didn't have forever, and she wanted a family again and she'd lost her own parents long ago and never gotten to say goodbye...and the kicker is, unlike in the comic where she's basically on her deathbed already, she COULD have possibly lived a little longer. But she chose to sacrifice her new life to save Rose's. If this woman doesn't deserve the Spirit of Love label like I've seen in some truly beautiful meta from @windsweptinred I don't know who does. BUT ALSO she's not a perfect inhuman angel either, she is capable of being charmed by the Corinthian, which - looking around at the fandom, one can see she's not alone so I for one can't blame her too much, but also she met the king of dreams and nightmares and within less than 5 minutes called him a himbo to his face. She's beautifully human with icon behavior and Sandra James-Young deserves all the credit in the world for this role.
#rose walker#jed walker#unity kincaid#miranda walker#choose violence ask game#the sandman#me banging pots and pans together in delight going ROSE AND JED AND UNITY ARE ALL THE BEST CHARACTERS AND I WILL DIE FOR THEM AND YOURE ALL#GONNA HEAR ABOUT IT thanks for giving me the excuse :) not that I need one
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Made my first fan edit in over a decade (in my day they were called fanvids). Apparently you can't use copyrighted music longer than a minute on tiktok (it was easier to get round copyright in my day also) so this one is just for you tumblr. Also let's ignore the clips with logos in because I'm not getting clean versions to re-edit it, it's 8am and I haven't been to sleep (thanks ADHD hyperfocus stopping me from literally noticing the sun coming up!)
Edit: Had some sleep so now time to write a ridiculous number of words about a 3 minute edit! This was a lot of fun to make, I forgot how fun video editing is and capcut is a dream compared to windows movies maker and sony vegas (which was what all the cool kids were using for some reason in the mid 2000s but I never got the hang of it).
It also reminded me how fun some of the dance numbers are. Like I love Dancing in the Moonlight and Twistin' the Night Away. I know for the latter they originally had a choreographed routine but it was scrapped and and they were told improvise and have fun. It's something that definitely comes across in the final scene and it makes it feel more authentically like three siblings messing around.
Also in editing the video scenes I noticed stuff I wouldn't have otherwise. Emmy breaks multiple times because she's having so much fun (it's left in because it makes sense for her to laugh in the moment but Emmy's laugh is very different to Allison's).
The weird dance Diego does with the sword during Another One Bites the Dust, and the fact Lila has to fully step back at one point to not get hit in the face! I always thought Lila was just pulling Five in by the hand for a hug in the same scene but you can see them dancing together in the background throughout. I knew they danced together at the wedding but Five was blackout drunk at that point so it's fun to see him dancing with her at a time when he's...well not sober, but definitely less drunk.
Also as an aside, in the first draft of the script for S1E1 it's shown explicitly that Five is uncomfortable with touch after years in the apocalypse. Though the scene in question didn't make it into later drafts, it still feels implied to me throughout season 1 and it makes me feel happy to see how far he's come, seeming genuinely comfortable with Lila's affection. Also if anyone is interested in the idea of him struggling with touch @soshadysoquiet has a great fic exploring this (though rather than my view that he's become accustomed to, and comfortable with touch it posits that he's dealing with so much due to the apocalypse he doesn't recognise touch as the cause of his distress).
I also think there's a sort of theme happening in the partner dances during Footloose, rather than the characters being paired randomly but that will take long enough to explain it needs it's own post, even if this one wasn't already obscenely long.
#the umbrella academy#tua#tua dance numbers#the umbrella academy dance numbers#the wombats#lets dance to joy division#the hargreeves#fan edit#fanvid#this took like 7 hours#still love this song though#capcut it so much easier to use than windows moviemaker was and it didnt crash once
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Just a Ransom Fic for now
[edit 17/09: idiot me forgot to add a plot summary. this is what happens when you thirst too much. 🤡]
summary: After being released from prison, Ransom hides away in a bar at the lesser end of town. He finds you, a pecular little thing, and wonders how much he can screw you over. Literally and figuratively.
or...
Ransom is adult-grounded and decides to cause chaos, starting with you. Luckily, you're down to fuck.
a/n: choosing to post this first because it has been collecting dust since – checks version history – march. might need feedback if the rest of my draft is worth adding parts. this is also the filthiest thing i posted (but not wrote) so far.
also... my personal author's note from february for myself was pretty funny.
[Note: The power went out while I was writing the snu-snu. It was God telling me to go do my bedtime routine, and as punishment, I am gonna have to take a fucking cold shower without the heater.]
word count: 4.9k (60 words away from 5k of pure thirst, good lawd)
warning/tags: MINORS DNI, 18+ only, Ransom 'Sweater Daddy' Drysdale (walking red flag), reader is kinda dumb, p in v sex, no mentions of y/n, dumbification, size difference/size kink, oral (both receiving/giving), mentions of drug use, alcohol, language/cursing, non-canon to the film (Harlan lives), not proofread (i'm literally dozing off while doing final checks), self-indulgent fic
When Ransom first met you, you were almost a breath of fresh air. Given that he was in prison for a couple of months, being in that seedy little bar was literally fresh air to him. He almost thought that your voice was wasted on the piss-drunk people who weren’t even paying attention.
In fact, Ransom was surprised people were even listening when they booed after you mentioned that you were taking a fifteen-minute break after your first set. You seemed to take it as a compliment when you blew a kiss to the person who booed the loudest, which Ransom figured out as a plea for one more song. You hopped off the small platform and skipped over to the bar right beside to the man who couldn’t take his eyes off you.
“Enjoying the show?” you asked, your voice still holding that sweet melodic tone even when you weren’t singing.
Ransom was about to snide at your comment, until he caught himself, realising that you were asking him a genuine question about your performance. “I’ve heard better,” he said nonchalantly.
Like earlier, you didn’t take it to heart. You took the small virgin cocktail you got from the bartender, who gave Ransom a nasty look behind your back. You took a long sip before sucking on the orange wedge. “Sure, you have,” you replied, turning to the bartender and giving him a childish orange wedge smile.
Ransom narrowed his eyes before coming to the conclusion that you speak in the literal sense. Two months in prison, and he was still hyper-aware of the constant snarky and snide conversations from his family. Like he said, breath of fresh air.
“You don’t look like you’re from around these parts,” you noted, making Ransom raise a brow at you. “The clothes, the way you present yourself,” you shrugged. “Also, most of the regulars here know each other.”
“Let’s just say it’s the only bar in town where I won’t run into people who know me,” Ransom said, swallowing what’s left of his drink in one shot.
Especially those fuckers from the country club who bailed on him as soon as those cops arrested him.
You hummed in thought before going back to nursing your own drink. You didn’t look like you cared to know more or even ponder further on the mystery of his identity. Ransom liked that you minded your own business, but maybe too much. Your disinterest might not make you want to end up in his bed at the end of the night.
A man walked up to you and whispered something in your ear. You smiled and nodded before passing back your cocktail glass across the bar. “Thanks for the drink, Mel,” you said. Then you glanced to Ransom. “Back to work. Enjoy the rest of the performance, new guy.” You hopped off your stool and skipped back to the platform.
“Good luck, pal.”
Ransom turned to Mel, the elderly bartender that shot him the dirty look earlier. He immediately got on Ransom’s nerves for not being able to mind his own business and eavesdropping. “Two more beers might improve my chances then,” he ordered with a plastic smile but not an ounce of emotion behind his eyes.
Mel was not discreet in hiding his disgust as he handed Ransom two bottles. “Look, rich guy,” he began, “they’re a good kid. I can serve you all the alcohol you want, but you best find your conquest someplace else.”
This old man is really getting on his nerves. Ransom unconsciously zoned him out as his attention was pulled in by your voice. You were right how most people in the bar knew each other. You were singing a song in a foreign language that had everyone cheering and clapping along. They were entranced by you.
… and so was Ransom.
The rest of your final set went with songs that anyone else can zone out to focus on their drinks or company. At one moment, Ransom’s focus shifted to a leggy brunette that insisted he buy her two drinks. Seems like he had his company for the night sorted out.
Except that she asked too many questions.
Ransom was not unfamiliar with female company that constantly questioned him about his background. Like you said, the way he dressed, the way he presented himself, even the way he talked, displayed how high up he was in social standings. Now, it just was nothing more than an inconvenience.
With Ransom’s face plastered on every celebrity – and often, business news section for his third DUI — was it even his third? Maybe fourth? — Harlan and Linda finally cut him loose for another bad rep he caused on the family business. Well, maybe as loose as they can take without the press making more of an issue out of it. He served his couple of months since none of his shit family would pay his bail, and he didn’t even have enough on his account because Harlan insisted that Ransom pay the fines and his car repairs by himself.
To make things worse, Ransom had to earn his allowance again by working as Harlan’s research assistant for a few months. Like some fucking child. Which meant he has to stay in town and couldn’t go back to Boston.
Now, he was sitting in a seedy bar to avoid people who know him and still expected to hang around his family until his goddamn parole ended. His self-seething boiled an angry burn in the pit of his stomach, so he began ordering in the shots. If he gets another DUI, so be it. By his fifth shot, the brunette was getting upset at the lack of attention that she turned her attention to the gentleman across the bar.
Ransom didn’t care one bit.
“I know I’m no professional, but you don’t need to get wasted after hearing me sing, dude.”
Ransom turned to the source of melodic giggles and saw you back in the stool you occupied an hour ago. Wait. Did she – or they, whatever that old fart said – just call me dude?
“Definitely not interested in me,” Ransom unconsciously muttered to himself out loud before clearing his last shot glass.
“On the contrary, I find you very interesting,” you chimed, nursing another orange-y mocktail. “I don’t get new faces among my audience, and you look like you know how to have a good time.”
Ransom raised his brow, his interest now spiked. Reads people well, but shit at judging character. He took a glance at Mel, who was busy making drinks for a group of people across the bar. Eat shit, Mel. He smirked as he leaned forward to you. “Are you open to all kinds of fun?”
You tilted your head to the side, looking charming as ever. “What kind of fun are we talking about specifically?”
If Ransom wasn’t the asshole he was, he would be scared over how this person managed to be so openly trusting with that innocent aura they carried. It was almost as if they were hiding something. Then again, so was he.
~
Maybe Ransom wasn’t going to get another DUI after all. All he needed was a “your place or mine” question, and she – they, damn it – offered to drive at their apartment, mentioning that they had somewhere to be in the morning. By the time they got to their place, he was almost surprised at how the building looked.
It wasn’t a place Ransom would choose to live, but it was definitely around the upper middle-class area of the town, which was something that a bar singer could never afford. Definitely hiding something, he mused. At least he wasn’t going to regret not insisting they go to his place.
“Let’s go? Or are you too drunk? I can drive you home and call a cab from there,” you offered, worry flashing in those innocent eyes.
Ransom scoffed. He was never too drunk for sex. He was never too drunk to drive himself home either. To prove his own point, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you in for a searing hot kiss, not caring that the gear lever was probably digging into your abdomen somewhere.
You smiled against Ransom’s lips before pulling away, tasting a mix of alcohol on your lips. You rubbed at your waist, where the lever lodged itself while Ransom took your breath away, and said, “Okay, dude, you proved your point.” After a pause, you snickered, “Well, not really.”
Ransom rolled his eyes. “Jesus, call me Ransom, enough with ‘dude,’” he said, getting off his Beamer.
You did the same and locked the doors before tossing the keys over to Ransom. His inebriated state had him fumbling over them in his fingers but catching them ultimately. You giggled at the sight, which Ransom thought sounded almost like tinkling bells as he followed you up the steps to the building entrance.
Once both of you were shut inside the elevator, Ransom caged you into a corner and bent down to capture your lips. He didn’t acknowledge how tiny you were in stature until now. The top of your head barely reached his shoulder that, after a while, Ransom decided to lift you by the waist and hook your legs around his waist.
Everything your legs felt was pure hard muscle, all concealed by his thick cable-knit sweater. You didn’t even expect how tiny his waist was until he kept your thighs firmly around it. With your thighs secured, Ransom’s hands slithered up your skirt, grabbing a good handful of your ass that had you whimpering against his lips.
You opened your eyes and glanced at the elevator screen. One floor left. You pecked Ransom’s lips one more time before hopping off the open elevator. At the end of the hall, you grabbed your keys from your purse and unlocked your apartment with Ransom following behind you.
As soon as the door clicked shut, Ransom was on you like a starved man. He lifted you on his shoulder, making you screech and giggle uncontrollably, something that only made the heat in Ransom’s belly bubble further. “Bedroom?” he grunted.
“Open door on the left,” you said, your hands sneaking up his thighs. “Wow,” was all you can muster when you stuffed your hands in the back pocket of his pants. Even his ass was pure muscle.
Without any form of gentleness or grace, Ransom dumped you on the bed and began stripping off his clothes, which prompted you to do the same. However, once you got to your stockings, Ransom wagged a finger at you to stop. As you looked at him in question, he finished pulling off his pants, leaving him in his tented boxers.
Clad with only your bra and stockings with your skirt bunched up by your ribcage, you whistled at the sight of Ransom’s sculpted body. “Can I just...?” you trailed off before reaching up to touch his pec, then his broad shoulder before feeling down the very biceps that flexed under his sweater when he manhandled you. “Dude, you’re crazy ripped.”
Ransom flashed you an unamused look from the name before pushing you on your back to the mattress. Your surprised gasp was music to his ears. The second one when he ripped your stockings right at the middle was far sweeter than the first.
“Ransom!” you finally cried out, pouting at your abused clothing.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be crying out my name for better reasons in just a second,” Ransom teased, unhooking your bra with experienced ease before tossing it to the side. He leaned back to admire what he was about to ruin and was pleased to see how you were already so worked up by him simply undressing you.
“I’m mostly crying for my stockings though.”
Ignoring you, Ransom grabbed the thin strip of your thong and dragged it to the side, exposing your slick folds to him. “All this for me? We barely even started yet,” he chuckled, running the pad of his index finger along your slit.
Your hips jumped off the mattress, and you let out a needy moan. Jesus, they should sing those moans at the bar instead, Ransom thought. More...
“Take them off,” you gasped, pulling at the elastic of your stockings. “Ransom, take them off.”
“No.” Ransom slapped your thigh as a warning. “You behave and keep these on. Maybe I’ll reward you if you stay good and keep calling me by my name.”
“Ransom,” you moaned, pushing your hips up as a means to find some sort of friction. “Ransom...”
“So needy, so obedient,” Ransom hummed, finally slipping a finger into your warmth. He appreciated how you eagerly took him in and was ready for more. His biceps were already stinging from your nails digging down as you begged for more.
Yet throughout all that desperation, those eyes looked up at Ransom with the same innocence out on the stage. It filled him with an overwhelming urge to just ruin you but also keep that innocence just for him. Only him.
And he has the entire night taking it all.
Ransom pulled you to the edge of your bed then dangled your legs over his massive shoulders. He heard your breath hitch at the first contact of his lips on the exposed skin of your inner thigh. His amusement extended when you whined out his name again as your hips strained against the firm grip he had on them.
A pinch on your thigh had you yelp when Ransom gave you another warning of behaving. Clenching your toes and fisting your sheets, you relaxed and spread your legs wider, but not before shooting him an impatient glare. That look resulted to a full bite on the opposite thigh, making you cry out.
“Please,” you moaned, panting in anticipation. “I’ve been good so far.” At this stage, you couldn’t even rub your legs together with Ransom settled between them. Your pleasure and relief all relied on him giving you what you needed.
Ransom seemed to take so much pleasure seeing you at his mercy, squirming and crying out for him. He flattened the pad of his tongue and licked a rough trail on your pulsing nub.
“Holy shit,” you hissed, wanting to run your hands all over his hair but chose to dig your nails into the mattress. You didn’t want to seem forward or too personal with the gesture. You were also pretty sure that he took his time styling it. He looks real pretty.
Annoyed that your mind was drifting someplace else, Ransom worked his mouth with an unrelenting pace that had you coming back and moaning without any regard of your neighbours. The walls weren’t paper thin at all, but the volume of the noises Ransom was pulling out of your lips from every suck and lick wasn’t something to underestimate. Heaven forbid you would start screaming by the end of the night, and damn, you were that close when he added his fingers to the mix.
You were quickly losing your breath from the overwhelming pleasure that was running through your veins. Your hyper-fixation on Ransom’s mouth working his magic didn’t even make you notice that your fingers had been pulling at his scalp, just as you wanted earlier. With his own hands busy, you managed to sit up and curl down over his head, scrambling for some sense of control, but Ransom wouldn’t have it.
“Ransom,” you gasped, feeling the coil tighten in your belly.
Ransom pulled his mouth away from your pearl and replaced it with his thumb, wanting to look at your face as you fell apart. Your hair, cropped short, was sticking to all sorts of direction. Seeing your head titled back and eyes squeezed shut, he usually didn’t care, but this time, he wanted to see this girl — fuck, person, whatever — come by his hand.
“No! Why?” you cried out, sitting up and whining as he abruptly stopped altogether. You growled, the adorable sound reminding Ransom of Harlan’s dogs when they were puppies, before they became total nightmares whenever he stopped by. He thought it was cute how you growled and thought you actually had a chance as you struggled by moving your hips with his fingers still inside you.
“That’s right,” Ransom smirked, curling his fingers inside your warmth, causing you to shudder but not enough to come. “Keep your eyes on me, pixie.”
In the midst of your lust-filled haze, you managed to raise a brow at the odd nickname. You heard babe, baby, doll, even the occasional love, but this one... you liked. You allowed it with a bite of your lip as his thumb roughly rubbed at your clit, your eyes fluttering shut again.
“Now, are you gonna be a good g– be good for me?” Ransom caught himself, and he almost hated himself for caring so much about how you identified yourself. I just don’t want to put them out of the mood now that I’m knuckles deep in their pussy, he reasoned with himself.
“Why are you being mean? I’ve been good for you the entire time,” you cried out, falling back on the bed. You could feel your orgasm slipping further and further away, frustration taking its place. You closed your thighs in a desperate attempt to move Ransom’s hand by your control.
“Hmm, let’s see,” Ransom drawled, moving his fingers at an impossibly slow pace from the confined space you created for yourself. “I gave you orders to look at me—”
“I’m looking at you now!”
Ransom glared at you before moving his index finger to pinch at your swollen nub, squeezing a surprised squeal out of you. “Forgetting your manners, pixie,” he spat out.
You opened your mouth, readying for a retort, when the haughty look on Ransom’s face made you rethink on pulling a bratty one on him. With a pout, you spread your legs and sat up, your hands gripping at Ransom’s shoulders. “I need it Ransom, please,” you sweetly begged, your tongue darting out to run against the smirk on his lips.
It must have worked because Ransom lightly pushed you back on the bed and began pumping his fingers at a satisfying pace but still controlled as a warning to keep you aware of him. This time, he also kept his free hand on your knee to keep your legs open. With the pressure building back in your core, you were almost in tears to have Ransom get you there faster. Your head began to turn into mush as you babbled out a mix of his name and pleases.
“Ransom, I’m close,” you panted, your half-lidded eyes struggling to stay open.
Aside from the flush on his neck and chest, Ransom kept his arrogant, self-assured air around him, revelling at the mess that you were right now. “Go on,” he smirked, letting go of your knee to run a trail up your torso. His hand ended up at your neck, and Ransom swore you felt your walls clench on his fingers from the slight pressure on your throat.
Next time, Ransom thought, biting his lips at the thought of an actual next time. When his hand moved down to your breast instead, you almost looked disappointed, but Ransom didn’t let you linger as he curled his fingers just at the right spot, which was all it took for you to fall apart. Ransom leaned over you to catch a perfect view as you cried out through your orgasm, grinding helplessly against his hand.
When your cries died down to tired moans and hums, Ransom slipped his fingers out, causing you to shiver. If you weren’t as flushed and breathless as you were, the embarrassment would definitely show on your face as Ransom held out his hand, wet with your slick and come. Even his signet ring on his pinky now had different kind of shine to it.
“What a mess, Pixie,” Ransom tutted. “You’re too fucked out from just my fingers.” When he began lowering back down your thighs, he hushed your protests, moaning about your sensitivity. “Shh, let me clean you up.”
Ransom managed to drag a smaller yet still thigh-quivering orgasm out of you with his tongue before he finally stripped you off all clothing. He pulled your thighs off his shoulders and climbed back up the bed after a small stop to retrieve a packet from his pants. With a firm grip on your waist, he lifted you onto his lap as he laid back against your headboard, wordlessly telling you what to do.
With your wobbly limbs, you hooked your arms around his neck and captured those soft lips, tasting remnants of yourself on his tongue. Sounds of wet kisses and the crinkling of a foil wrapper filled the room for a good minute before Ransom tapped your bottom as a signal. Reluctantly pulling away from his lips, you raised your hips to position his cockhead at your entrance before slowly sinking down. Despite coming twice, you still felt the burning intrusion of the fat head pushing through.
Ransom took great amusement at the sight of you trying your best to take him in. As small as you were, you managed to take more than half of him before your thighs began shaking. You could definitely take more of him, but damn if he wasn’t starting to feel like coming then and there.
“Tsk, do you need my help? Still?” Ransom asked. “Did you become a useless dumb baby from coming twice?” He tutted as he pulled your face to his, biting at your bottom lip that settled into a pout from his condescending tone.
“Your fi-fingers please,” you gasped, nails digging into his shoulder.
Though he would’ve liked to keep you on your toes a little while more, Ransom started to feel the pressure building as well. With a twinge of impatience, which has always been one of his defining qualities, he reached in between you to give you what you needed. Taking him in another inch deep in your tight walls, he finally let out a groan, which turned into a hiss when your walls clenched on him again.
“You like hearing how good you make me feel?” Ransom’s voice was rough and raspy against your ear. “You’re doing so well, Pixie. Just a little bit more.”
You shivered at Ransom’s hot heavy breathing against your ear, combining with the slow circles he was rubbing on your swollen pearl. You did want to take more, but damn, you felt so full that you swore that you can feel every vein lining his dick against your walls. The very thought made you clamp around him again, making you shudder at his breathy moan. You wanted to hear more, just as he pried moan after moan from you earlier.
Now on a mission, you steadied your knees, gripping his broad shoulders for support as you rose up until only the tip of his cock was left inside you. Arrogantly, Ransom remained seated back, both amused and turned on over how committed you were to take all of him in. Not many of his conquests were that bold to take all of him if they didn’t do so in one go. Maybe the truly kinky ones, he mused.
You carefully looked down, and Ransom, definitely knowing what he was doing, pulled his hand away from your clit, to give you an open view of you and him connected. Even though your hole was plugged by Ransom’s cock, it didn’t stop you from leaking down his shaft. You whimpered at the sight, squirming in your place until Ransom grabbed a good handful of your ass, squeezing tight.
“Don’t you dare lose me from that sweet cunt, Pixie. Or else.”
You shuddered at the thought. Would he grab your neck again? Put you over his knee? All terribly bad yet so good ideas, but you focused on the task at hand instead. You hooked your hands around the back of Ransom’s neck, keeping his gaze level to yours. Then… you sank down to his full length.
Holy shitballs. The pleasure that washed over his face and that delicious long groan was enough to make you come. And you did.
“Fuck,” Ransom panted, feeling you pulse around him. He so desperately wanted to follow you over the edge, but this was his first pussy since he got out. He was not ending this night that quickly, not with an unusual find like you. “That’s it,” he grunted, grabbing your hips to pull you underneath him on the mattress. Without giving you a moment to catch your breath, Ransom did not even hesitate to start pounding into your abused hole.
“Wait,” you gasped, feeling the line between pain and pleasure blur. “Ransom, wait!”
Ransom grunted, annoyed but slowed down regardless. “Hurts?”
You shook your head, yet not being able to help your hips jerking up to meet his thrusts. “’m sensitive,” you squeaked.
Ransom let out a noise between a scoff and a chuckle before going back to his unforgiving pace. “You will give me one more,” he declared. “You’ll be good for me, right?”
Not trusting yourself to speak, you nodded frantically.
“What was that? Use your words, Pixie,” Ransom said, his hand reaching down to place a warning thumb on your clit. Still, his pace caused his finger to move and stroke at the bundle of nerves, sending electricity down to your toes.
You cried and tried to pull his hand away. “No more,” you begged. “Can’t. No more.”
He easily moved your hand away and shoved it back to your side. “One more, one more,” Ransom panted, his release quickly approaching. “Fuck, you feel so good.” His rhythm was starting to falter as he chased his peak while you were reduced into a mess of babbles and cries.
“Your pussy is fucking choking me,” Ransom growled. “You’re going to make me come. Yeah? Are you gonna let me come on that pretty mouth of yours?”
“Yes, yes, yes, Ransom!” you babbled almost noncoherently.
“Fuck!” Ransom shouted as you squirted around him, the wetness spraying on his thighs. He quickly pulled out and crawled up to you, ripping off the condom and tossing it to the side. He tapped the head of his cock against your waiting tongue.
Your eyes locked into Ransom’s towering figure as he knelt over the side of your head, roughly stroking himself to finish. Then there it was. The man’s O-face was so deliciously sinful that your core traitorously throbbed just from the sight of it.
Spray after spray of his come filled your mouth. Ransom carefully held the back of your head but not pulling you deep enough to reach the back of your throat, and you knew exactly why. When Ransom started to calm down, you pulled away but not before giving his tip one last suckle to catch the remaining drops.
You leaned up on your elbows, not trusting your legs to sit down. You looked up at Ransom who was staring down at you, panting and eyes dark. You flashed him a close-lipped smile before sticking out your tongue, showing him most of his spend, thick and heavy. You giggled when you swirled your tongue around your lips, dribbling all over your chin.
Ransom’s cock twitched at the sight, making him growl at you in warning. As much as he wanted to keep you up until it was bright outside, he was starting to feel the downside effects of all the alcohol he consumed at the base of his skull. Maybe if he had a bump he could definitely go on, but the drugs he carried that night was confiscated when he got arrested.
Instead, Ransom cupped your jaw, tilting your head higher. His thumb scooped back his come and pushed it back into your mouth. He then pressed his thumb against your lips, keeping them shut. Much to his approval, he saw the slight movement of your throat. Not a quitter, he mused.
“Did I do good?” you looked up at him hopefully.
Ransom smirked. “You were a very good g— you were good, Pixie,” he said, dropping down on the bed beside you to catch his breath.
You giggled. “I don’t know what Mel told you, but you can still call me girl, you know. I don’t mind either way.”
Ransom scoffed, caught red-handed. “I didn’t want to assume.”
“Nice to know you actually care, dude,” you said, finally deciding to sit up. You absolutely needed to go use the bathroom now. Maybe brush your teeth.
Swinging your legs at the edge of the bed to test them, you carefully stood up and made your way into the bathroom, aware of Ransom’s eyes on your backside. Once inside the bathroom, you grabbed your toothbrush, loaded it with toothpaste, then took a seat on the toilet. After relieving yourself, you finished brushing your teeth before going back to your bedroom.
Much to your surprise, Ransom was still on your bed, now passed out. Even though he seemed to be the type to leave right after a hook-up, you figured all that alcohol he had at Mel’s finally caught up to him. You didn’t mind. It wasn’t the first time a one-night stand actually stayed the night on your bed.
Though you may have underestimated his size because your double-sized bed made it seem like a single from all the space he took.
#ransom drysdale x reader#ransom drysdale smut#ransom drysdale x you#ransom drysdale fanfiction#knives out#chris evans fanfiction
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March Check-In
Lol. We definitely were not back on track here. We tried and SUPER FAILED at going back to the schedule.
Will March be better? Let's find out together...
Onto the usual index:
Recap of last month’s progress
IF Events in the Next Month
Plan for the next month
Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head over to itch.io!
February Progress
Welp... there wasn't much of a list in the January Check-in, since it was the retrospective, which included the yearly plan. Still, I did make a mini one on itch. Put together we'd get:
Play more IF and maybe review. ✅
Finish the coding of Harcourt Ch5 ❌ and editing of Ch6 ❌
Fix one of the semi-completed games: ❌
Complete the Vamp/Smoochie jam entry✅
Heyyyy 50/50. Passable grade!
I've passed the very funny number of 420 reviews on the IFDB recently, mainly working my way through the French games (since there are very few reviews and French IF peeps are neat people). There are 300+ games left on that side, it will take me a while to get there but I'm making progress (almost done with 2023!).
If my pace continues... I might be able to reach 2nd place in the ranking before my 1 year anniversary of reviewing games (mid-may).
Also somewhat related, I've been trying to rate more games on itch too :)
I said I would finish the coding of Harcourt... and then didn't. But MelS was more productive than me, and he finished the first draft of Chapter 6 earlier than planned... which I haven't finished commenting on either... So :/
I also didn't fix any semi-completed games. So there.
But I managed to make it for the Queer Vampire Jam and the Smoochie Jam with Teatime with a Vampire ! A 20k-long trippy game with a hot vampire and a weird show...
AND AND I finally fixed my website and my itch.io profile. It has a cool feature on the front page. And we did a little AMA a few weeks ago!
Honestly, I thought I would have been done with Teatime two weeks before it actually was completed. So that threw a wrench in the rest.
And probably having to moderate a few events at once...
And the extra day clearly didn't help.
EDIT: I TOTES FORGOT, but I updated DOL-OS for an extra QOL screen at the start.
What’s happening in March?
There's always something happening in the IF world. I don't think I ever find all that happens anyway... but. Here's the ones I know!
Today is the last day to submit a Spring Thing intent! (ranked)
he Queer Vampire Game Jam ends in about three weeks. Got a vampire/human story with a LGBT+ cast? Then this is the event for you! (unranked) Also they are doing a fundraising/matching donation with submissions!
The SeedComp! (Sprouting) extended the deadline for a few more days! See @seedcomp-if for more info ;) (ranked)
Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2024 se termine Lundi! Viendez faire des histoires en français!! <3 (ranked, duh)
The next @neointeractives mini-jam will all be about bringing back old jams... Check out the Revival Jam !
The Text Adventure Literacy Jam 2024 just started! It will be looking for "parser for beginners" entries until May!
Note: @neointeractives will have jams all year long. One a month/or so. And the next Planting Round of @seedcomp-if will start as soon as the results are dropped.
The PLANtm for March
Busy plan once again. Here are the thing I'm hoping to do or finish this month:
Complete my French Comp entry. The deadline is in 3 days. Will I make it? Probably. Will it be good? Probably be not because I've been writing it only in the past two weeks. You can expect some "love" letters though...
Complete my SpringThing entry. It will be all about fixing typos and potential bug. The code will be ready next week anyway. Maybe slap some cool-er animations.
Play more games! Consider this done. There's the Smoochie Jam, the SeedComp! and the FrenchComp right there...
Finish the Code Ch5 of Harcourt and edit Ch6. At least one round of edits would be good. So I can put MelS to work again.
Finish fixing The Roads Not Taken. I'm so sorry babe. I'm not avoiding you I swear. I actually haven't bee on the computer with your files this month...
LET'S DO THIS! WE CAN DO IT!
~
The 2024 To-Do List:
I have done nothing here. So here's the list again for nothing.
The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:
fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match
fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (giving up on the translation)
fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions
figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...
edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.
The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:
Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page
Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent - this year should be it - for real)
Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)
Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)
Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm getting ashamed)
The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do
Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)
Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)
Finish The Rye in the Dark City
Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)
And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:
Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).
Start the IFComp project (2025? Might end up being a ST?)
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hi!! i have a request :) would it be okay if you wrote a specs x transmasc reader where the reader gets specs to help him with a testosterone shot?? its totally okay if no tho!! have a good day :)
T - specs x transmasc! reader
hi nonnie!! I'm sorry this took a while--this one has been sitting in my drafts for a good few weeks now and I've had it written for just as long. My object permanence is the absolute fuckin' worst, however, and I, admittedly, forgot to edit this before today because of getting distracted by other projects and also getting so anxious I physically could not will myself to get out of bed multiple days in a row since you sent this one into my inbox.
HOWEVER, I did get my shit together today (started on medication for adhd because I told my dr I thought I had it and we're testing it out to see if it works for me to help with those symptoms + anxiety management wot wot) and so, here this is!! I am, once again, sorry for the delay, and I promise if you send another request in I will do my best to do it that week.
fic type - this is fluffy!!
warnings - there are mentions of needles in this
In the five years since you'd come out and the five and a half since you and Specs had started dating, you'd only asked him to help you with your weekly testosterone shot maybe twice in the three and a half years since you'd finally gotten through all of the necessary hoops and had been able to start taking it.
Normally, you could do it yourself without a hitch, sometimes a little squeamish at the sight of the needle, but that Friday you'd asked him to help because he did it a bit quicker than you did--even if by just a solid second or two--while the two of you were on a time crunch in a rush to meet Elise and Tucker. Also, somewhat, as a way to squeeze a bit more time with him out of your day because you had to work an eight hour shift from 3-11, and when you got home he'd either be reading a comic while half asleep or asleep on your side of the bed in your absence.
He agrees to your ask without questioning it, getting the shot ready while you talk to him about how work has been because you've worked a string of evening shifts for the past three weeks and have been too drained to talk about it the next day. He happily listens, occasionally commenting where it's appropriate to make a remark or agree with an opinion you hold about a coworker, though he also acknowledges that he only has your bias to base an opinion on and not his own.
"Thank you for this, by the way," you murmur as you're standing up to pull your pants down to your thighs. "I know I could've done it myself, but I've missed you a lot lately and wanted to squeeze in an extra few minutes."
That remark brings out a soft smile from Specs, given to you as you're sitting back down. A second later, you can see the debate as to whether or not he wants to give you a forehead kiss occur in his expressions before he pauses, presses a quick but somewhat lingering kiss to your forehead, one of his hands reaching up to cup your cheek.
"I've missed you too, for what it's worth," Specs says. "Elise has kept us busy with her clients and Tucker and I have kept ourselves busy with Spectral Sightings stuff, but we've not seen much of each other lately and it's been hard."
You've missed him so terribly that it hurts, and there have been multiple points in the lulls of your evening shifts wherein you've been tempted to just pick up the phone and call him. You haven't for fear of being judged and seeming co-dependent, but you're at a point where you don't care how co-dependent it makes you seem. You're allowed to miss him when you're working evenings and don't get much of a chance to see him except for in your easier mornings.
You're nodding your agreement with his sentiments as he finishes getting your shot ready. You watch the needle go in, unblinking and relatively unphased, grabbing a "fun" Band-Aid--one shaped like a ghost, one of many from a Band-Aid kit gifted to you by Tucker for your birthday that year--to place over it as the slight pain from the injection settles and the needle is removed.
You pull your pants back up and rake your hands through your hair as Specs discards the needle properly, ever the one to be cautious about how your injection needles are handled, and you're thanking him as you put your testosterone away as it's meant to be stored.
He does a bit of idle cleaning while you finish getting ready, and you wind up stealing one of his button downs to wear over a black shirt. You kiss his cheekbone as he tosses you your keys, and the two of you leave your shared house hand in hand, so full of contentment that you already know how happy you seem is bound to make Tucker fake a gag while he smiles.
#specs fisher insidious#insidious (2010)#insidious#specs fisher x reader#specs fisher x male reader#specs fisher x transmasc! reader#specs fisher
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Figured I would make a post of all my various FFXIV OC's.
Warning: There are more than just these 4, those are just the big ones. Also, this is like 5 years' worth of weekly RP with my FC, and we very much leaned into the absurd over-the-top fantasy of the FF series. So, like... boy HOWDY is this gonna be a lot. Edit after finishing writing this draft: it was far more than I thought oh my god I forgot how bullshit all of this was. However I added a clear indicator of where you can skip the most bullshit parts.
(All infoblocks are how the character would describe themselves. Summaries are (mostly) my own words, unless I think its really funny to not do so.)
Read More
I also have redacted a lot of info about other people's characters cause I'm not entirely comfortable sharing all of them here. So the names of other characters, and also my FC's name, are entirely removed. I've also tweaked some of the details slightly, mostly just the timing of certain events, and combining/removing a couple of the T'alia's (yes there used to be more). Also spoilers for a few bits of MSQ, but does include things up to the end of Endwalker.
If you don't want what is basically a summary of a four year long RP campaign, you can get the short version by just reading the entries for the four characters listed above.
Name: T'sraetn Slein
Race: Miqo'te/Garlean (Mixed race)
Clan: Seeker of the Sun
Gender: Cis(ish) Woman (She/Her)
T'sraetn was born in the capital city of Garlemald, child of a garlean scientist, Varrick lux Slein, and a miqo'te conscript-engineer, T'alia Raio. Her father was researching the Echo, trying to find ways to replicate its effects with a garlean soul. When the Garlond Ironworks rebelled and fled for Eorzea, T'sraetn's family fled with them, though Varrick was killed in the process, his research stolen by his former boss, Aulus mal Asina.
T'sraetn became fascinated by all forms of magic in Eorzea, following the paths of the Arcanist before branching out to other fields. She continued to find stronger and stronger opponents to test her magical prowess against, eventually awakening to the Echo and being recruited to the Scions.
The events of 1.0 through Stormblood happen relatively the same as they do in the game, though T'sraetn went missing after the battle with Shinryu. She reappeared once again after the events of Shadowbringers 5.3 (sort of, see below), now sporting several cybernetic augments throughout her body, with all of her limbs being fully cybernetic.
She initially had no issues with her augments, barring a few exceptions. However, after the events of Endwalker, she grew to hate them. She believed these augments were the only thing that allowed her to survive her fight against Zenos and that he should have been the one to walk away from their final confrontation. She eventually underwent a dangerous procedure to remove her augments and replace her limbs with vat-grown cloned organic transplants.
T'sraetns version of the Echo manifests it in a bizarre temporal distortion. Time feels as if it passes differently for her, with her experiencing weeks or months in the span of time that others claim to only experience days. In combat, she experiences her own death over and over again until, eventually, she survives the fight. The way that Zenos and Fordola experience their Resonance makes her feel a kinship with them in this regard, and has lead to her developing an unhealthy obsession with both of them.
T'sraetn has grown disillusioned with the life of adventure, and now spend much of her time drinking and reliving her fight with Zenos, hoping at some point she will discover her life since that point was just a very long vision, and if she just did something different in the fight, they would both have survived.
The rare times she is sober, she spends studying the primal Alexander, as well as the remains of the Tycoon in the depths of the Crystal Tower on the First, hoping to someday unlock the secret of how G'raha managed to change the past, while she continues to fail.
She funds these expeditions by selling her services to the goblins of the Wolves Den, helping them refine and test their designs for human pilots.
(Here she is, Ms. Warrior of Light herself. I do find it hilarious that 'Mech Pilot' is a lore friendly profession to have, so I had to go for it. I technically have two versions of T'sraetn! (Well... 3) One is the version I used in my Free Company's weekly roleplay for about 4 years, who is not actually the Warrior of Light, and the other is, in fact, the Warrior of Light herself. However, everything canon to the FC version is more or less canon to the WoL version. We won't be getting into the third version on a SFW blog. The bit about her dad was written back in Heavensward. Needless to say, I was absolutely DELIGHTED once Stormblood was released, and a large chunk of the plot focused on exactly that.)
Name: Killer Kweh
Race: Unknown
Clan: Unknown
Gender: Unknown (They/Them)
Killer Kweh is a vigilante who began to harass T'sraetn's FC around the events of late Shadowbringers, keeping tabs on the various villains and scoundrels that the FC let slip away, thinking the power of friendship would be enough to save the day. Together with their chocobo, Wark Warrior, the two would track down and kill those the FC had spared. They eventually began to confront the FC, trying to pressure them into no longer forgiving those who wronged them.
Their identity remains a mystery to this day, and will likely never be discovered, no matter how often the other FC members says things like "T'sraetn the mask doesn't even cover all your hair, and we can clearly still see your tail." or "Can you hide your chocobo's costume somewhere else? We need to clean the stables."
(I kept this glam and now use it for PLD/RDM. Originally I was actually planning to have Killer Kweh be an entirely different character, but the FC kept making jokes about the tail showing, and I decided to roll with it cause having it just be T'sraetn the whole time was FAR funnier tbh, and we needed something light hearted at the time.)
If you don't want to read a whole boatload of FC lore, you should skip all of this. (Scroll down until you see the quest complete)
Name: T'alia Raio
Race: Miqo'te
Clan: Seeker of the Sun
Gender: Cis Woman (She/Her)
The first of the many, many, MANY faces of T'alia, who served as one of the central antagonists for much of the FC's life.
As mentioned above, T'alia was an engineer working in Garlemald before her family attempted to flee alongside the Garlond Ironworks, her husband being killed in the process. Wrought with guilt over his death, T'alia vowed to attempt to continue his research once they arrived in Eorzea, studying the soul and how various things could affect it.
Where her husband turned to the Echo, T'alia instead turned to the void, and to the tempering effect of primals. She made a pact with a voidsent, offering it not her own soul, but the soul of her research subjects, in return for studying its effects on them.
She eventually joined a Free Company, finding them to be perfect test subjects and developing an obsession with helping them grow stronger. She carefully examined and documented the effects on them and their aether after various fights with primals and voidsent, all under the guise of helping them grow stronger.
The idea of the FC needing to grow stronger became more and more compulsive, culminating in her trying to graft the soul of her voidsent into the aether of an injured FC member, an act which was the last straw and resulted in the FC turning on her.
She harbored no ill will against the adventurers, and continued her experiments from a distance, using facilities within abandoned garlean bases to construct various monsters for the free company to "train" against, frequently against their will.
(The FC I was with from 1.0 up to Stormblood Launch had a lot of drama. I originally made T'alia as a way to shop around and play with other FC's. When I joined my current FC, they mentioned not having any real dedicated antagonist for their RPs, and so I decided before the first RP I joined that T'alia was eventually going to make a heel turn, and played her as friendly but also very clearly having an ulterior motive. Also T'alia is still my MCH glam!)
Name: T'alia Raio Kime
Race: Disembodied Soul Chimera
Clan: Specter Yeah :)
Gender: Monster (It/She/He)
T'alia's research into metempsychosis culminated in the preservation of her soul, at the cost of the willing destruction of her own body, obtaining a state not unlike those of the Ascians. She began growing multitudes of clones of herself, experimenting on them, merging them with beast men, and creating terrifying new chimerical bodies with which she continued to 'test the potential' of the FC.
However, these bodies and her soul mixed like water and oil, and she was never able to fully utilize them. While each one was quite powerful on its own, under her control they were exceedingly frail, and she would find her soul being ejected from them long before the point the body itself failed. This eventually forced her to turn back to her original field of engineering, augmenting these bodies with cybernetic enhancements.
Eventually, she invited the FC to one of her most ambitions plans to date, which she referred to as "The Merger", a combination wedding ceremony and business merger between both herself, and another rival of the FC's who also was heavily proficient in the field of engineering. This event was, in truth, an experiment where she splintered the timeline and merged it together again. During one timeline, an FC member was killed and replaced with a cybernetic replica crafted by T'alia and her new wife, while in the other timeline the FC member lived on as normal.
T'alia's plans for all of this were seemingly lost when her corpse was discovered in some ruins, impaled by a chunk of white auracite that kept her from escaping the vessel she was inhabiting. This drove her wife deeper into despair, and the widow blamed the FC for allowing this to happen, becoming a far bigger threat to them in the process.
(It was a running joke in our RPs that T'alia would keep getting called an Ascian, only to respond, "I still don't know what that is..." While she did achieve a similar form, it was elusively through her own research, and she never had any affiliation with the Ascians/Ancients)
Name: Tali
Race: Various
Clan: Various
Gender: Nonbinary (She/Her)
Shortly after T'alia's death, one of her augmented clones began interacting with the FC. She revealed she was the one who killed the 'real' T'alia, an action she had no choice in taking. Several of this clones augments allowed T'alia to control her remotely, and she had taken control of her body to kill herself. These augments still remained in place, and even with no one controlling them now, they still prevented certain actions, such as revealing what T'alia was planning.
This T'alia clone continued to work alongside the FC, eventually being welcomed with open arms as a full fledged member, with the FC renaming her 'Tali' to differentiate her from her creator.
While Tali already differed significantly from her creator, she felt a deep unease about being compared to her. She took up the gunblade and began to dabble in various shape changing magics in order to further differentiate herself from T'alia, resulting in frequent damage to her body and need for replacements of her various artificial limbs. All the while, unfamiliar memories began to surface in her mind, revealing that the memories of T'alia's own past that she had planted in Tali weren't sticking.
While she was unable to reveal T'alia's plans to the FC, she was more than able to be reckless about leaving around too many maps about where T'alia's various facilities were located, leading the FC on missions to shut them down and uncover more details about T'alia's plans, with Tali quickly piecing the details together and becoming both more distressed and more frantic to get the FC to uncover the rest.
Over the course of these expeditions the FC found T'alia's main base: a facility located in a rift in spacetime filled with a massive number of clones. Thousands of clones of T'alia, as well as hundreds of clones of every single FC member.
This facility housed enough clues for the FC to realize two things: first, that T'alia was being coerced into her actions by some other entity that she had been plotting against, and second, Tali's differences to T'alia came not from her augmentations, but from the the fact that she was never a clone of T'alia at all, but her own daughter T'sraetn, augmented and brainwashed into becoming a pawn for T'alia to use.
(Yes the DPS symbol on the blue background is intentional. It's a joke about me always off-tanking at the time, and being a 'Blue DPS'. The name Tali was actually a typo from an FC member addressing her, but everyone immediately realized it would be a great way to differentiate this other version of T'alia, and so we kept it. Also, we had a running joke in our RP's that Tali's arms just fell right off about once per RP night.)
Name: T'alia Allengray
Race: Miqo'te
Clan: Seeker of the Sun
Gender: Cis Woman (She/Her)
Pouring over T'alia's research notes, T'sraetn and the FC eventually found the source of what T'alia had been pushing them all towards, the entity that had plagued her for her entire life: T'alia.
This other T'alia eventually made her presence known by possessing a shape changing quicksilver construct that the FC had defeated, forming a new body for herself. Taking the old T'alia's role as antagonist (though never posing anywhere near as much a direct threat), she was happy to monologue to the FC, and even gave them a linkpearl to answer any questions they might have.
This other T'alia (who the FC simply refered to by her surname, Allengray) was a copy of herself from a different timeline, who had trapped herself in a perpetual timeloop that lasted from the moment of her birth, to the moment of her death. Her original self became nothing more than a disembodied specter within the loop, forced to observe the same events play out over and over again. Over the course of the more than 5 million years she spent trapped in the loop, she slowly gained the ability to subtly influence the members of her FC, with a far bigger influence on each loops iteration of herself.
In her original timeline, Allengray and the FC had fought a devastatingly powerful primal, Lich. As they began to realize their conventional methods of killing primals would not affect it, they eventually chose to build a temporal cage, crafted from the remains of Alexander. The device would contain one aetheric being, and one mortal being, binding the two together. Lich would be trapped within it, and bound to the lifespan of whoever activated the device. While Allengray was not the one selected to bear that burden, she stole the device in the dead of night and sacrificed herself to it, rather than watch any of her friends suffer. Instead, she was left to be tortured for millions of years, watching Lich kill her friends over and over again while she could do little more than watch, and whisper to each version of herself to beg them to find a way to stop it.
(Another kept glam! Allengray is my BLU glam. I actually introduced her as a palette swapped version of another FC members 'Monster of the Week', which was the quicksilver construct that Allengray possessed. She was a bit of an amnesiac trickster for a bit, as her soul adjusted to her new body.)
Name: T'alia Allengray Lich
Race: Primal
Clan: Aetheric Parasite
Gender: Primal (It/Its)
Eventually, Allengray revealed Lich's true nature. Unlike other primals, Lich did not exist as a body. It was more of a parasite that existed in the lifestream, devouring the souls of those who died, which is why it had been so difficult to find a way to stop. And over the course of hundreds of loops, it had grown and adapted to exist within a person's aether, feeding off of them.
Specifically, that of Allengray, where it had latched itself into and fully consumed her. While the timeloop was still connected to the lifespan of each timeline's T'alia, Lich was free to wreck whatever havoc it wanted on the FC, manipulating the timeline to ensure they would suffer over and over again to amuse itself. Even if they found a way to kill it, which the FC occasionally managed to do, the timeline would still be reset on its death, meaning the most the FC would ever be able to do to it is doom another timeline to be the victim of its wrath.
Moreover, with this timelines T'alia now trapped in white auracite, she could never truly die, allowing Lich to remain in this timeline indefinitely.
This timelines T'alia (which is T'alia Raio, in case you lost track. Very understandble if you did.) still managed to get the last laugh. Through their various interactions, the FC of this timeline had become a force of abominations. Fractured primals, artificial constructs, temporal anomalies, and voidtouched avatars, all untouchable by Lich. A fierce battle ensued, Lich toying with FC with the knowledge that killing it wouldn't stop it, even as it clearly grew frustrated.
In the final moment of the battle, the FC revealed their ace in the hole, one of their enemies who had a far bigger grudge against Lich than anyone in the FC. The wife of this timelines T'alia, holding a recreation of the device that trapped Lich and Allengray in the timeloop in one hand, and the white auracite that held her wifes soul in the other. Binding the device to herself and her wife, the two became banished from this timeline to spend eternity with one another, replacing Lich and Allengray in the loop.
Lich did not have time to make its feelings on this development known, as the FC shredded it apart and destroyed it for good.
(I've always fucking loved the concept behind Lich, because in case it wasn't clear by now, I am ABSOLUTELY FASCINATED by death and how we relate to it, and wish Lich had a bigger role in Final Fantasy (I love you Stranger of Paradise). In XIV in particular I felt it had so much potential as a primal. Plus "Killing the embodiment of death itself" is such a final fantasy ass final boss. We did later get something like that in Endwalker, but I'm still very happy with my take on it.)
(Additional fun fact: this timeline is the 72,323nd loop that Lich and Allengray were trapped in. Since I'm going with a dumb quest formatting for this, I'll say first person to correctly guess why I chose that number gets... idk... a trust banner of their character and/or a wallpaper made of them? This post contains all the information an FFXIV player would need to guess why I chose that number.)
Name: Noraliene Haillenarte
Race: Elezen
Clan: Wildwood
Gender: Cis Woman (She/Her)
Despite all appearances, Noraliene is an elezen born to House Haillenarte in Ishgard. A member of House Dzemael dosed her drink with a fantasia during a banquet, and when she awoke the next morning as an Au Ra, she found herself the target of a horrible campaign to undermine House Haillenarte by claiming they are heretics, as well as an attempt to use her as "proof" that Au Ra are companions to dragons and must be purged from the city.
She was exiled by her family and escaped the city the next day, being pursued by several members of the Ishgardian Church seeking to kill her for her supposed heresy. Cold and exhausted, she eventually collapsed in the snow, where she claims she froze to death before being resurrected. In truth, she was rescued before that point by Ysayle, and her blue skin is a result of being tempered by Shiva.
After Ysayle's death, Noraliene took her place and helped lead her followers in reintegrating into Ishgard. She had no desire to return to the place of so many bad memories, however, and decided to join up with T'alia's FC shortly after T'alia revealed her true colors, granting them her aid as the new avatar of Shiva.
Despite her tragic past and icy aesthetic, she actually has a very warm and bubbly personality, eager to share her love of Doman Romance novels with anyone who will listen, and excitedly prying into the love life of anyone who was willing to share. She eventually grew tired of the constant stress and drama of being an adventurer and married another Ishgardian exile, choosing to move far away from Eorzea with her new wife.
(Did I make this character just as an excuse to spam the Diamond Dust emote during RP nights? You can't prove that. She was actually made so that I could join the RP easier when other people wanted to host an RP, instead of trying to bullshit together another reason why the FC was just willing to team up with T'alia again. The Diamond Dust spam was just a bonus. I also have a 26 page screenshot comic about her origin story that I've written out, and just need to actually take the screenshots for, but EFFORT...)
Name: Muddied Glory
Race: Au Ra
Clan: Raen/Xaela (Mixed race)
Gender: Cis Woman (She/Her)
Muddied Glory is the orphan daughter of a Raen and a Xaela who were both killed touring Eorzea while she was just an infant. She was placed into the foster care of a Hellsguard woman, who gave her the name she has now.
At a very young age, Glory was adopted by the Church of Halone, where she became a devoted follower of their doctrine. As she grew, she would eventually find herself blessed by Halone with visions into the lives of those she would grant absolution (Its just the Echo), and very rarely, she will wake up in the morning with no memory of the previous night, the events of her own life falling away so her memory could instead be filled with the knowledge of a killer who must be brought to justice, delivered to her through the eyes of their victim.
Her conviction of faith is never stronger than when she faces on these killers, and from the moment they lock eyes with her, before even a single word is said, they are filled with the terrifying knowledge that she is there to bring them to justice. (This is the usual reaction people have when the woman they killed last night shows up in front of them.)
(Glory is me going "Hey remember that one Sahagin Priest in MSQ? Where we learned what a fully realized Echo was capable of? Yeah we need more of that", with the additional silliness of the character in question having no idea it's happening to her. Once again, I was very excited when Zenos exhibited the same ability, and then again with the In From The Cold solo duty in Endwalker.)
Name: Ifrit's Bride
Race: Tempered
Clan: Thrall
Gender: Seemingly Trans Woman (It/She)
While there has not been a cure until very recently, being tempered has never been a 'one and done' affair. A primal is fully capable of tempering a single person multiple times, corrupting them far beyond the point of recognizability, as seen most commonly in Leviathan's drowned.
Ifrit's Bride is an example of that. It is unknown what rank or purpose she served among the followers of Ifrit, only that it was far more aetherially corrupted than was the norm for the followers of Ifrit.
After plaguing them for years, she was eventually captured by the Brotherhood of Ash where they worked with the immortal flames and the new anti-tempering magics lent to them to attempt to see if the process could be combined with the Brotherhood's Sacred Ash.
(Technically, she wasn't given the name Tempered Lass until after she was cured, so I should have used a different name for the trust banner. But also fuck making another one, I'm almost done with this post. Also I can't do tribal dailies on this character anymore, because I refuse to complete 'Losing One's Tempered' so that I can always keep some Sacred Ash on hand.)
Name: Tempered Lass
Race: "Prefer not to disclose"
Clan: "Prefer not to disclose"
Gender: So Fucking Much (She/It)
The result was... mixed. While they managed to cure the Bride of Ifrit of her tempering, she had no memory of anything prior to the point of being cured, and her body remained warped.
She was given into the care of a Hellsguard woman who gave her a very... on the nose name, and there it was discovered that without regular treatments of the Brotherhood's Sacred Ash, she would once again begin hearing the whispers of Ifrit compelling her. She is also particularly gullible, but it is unclear if that is a result of the process that cured her, or simply a natural character trait for her.
While the Brotherhood of Ash welcomes her with open arms and is happy to provide her with Sacred Ash at no cost, Temmie prefers to try to live in Ul'dah. She is frequently found among the refugees, helping them for far too little coin for what she needs to sustain herself.
(The reason she can't remember anything is cause there is nothing to remember. Despite appearances, Temmie is not an Au Ra, she is a Miqo'te. Specifically, Temmie is a clone of T'sraetn created by T'alia to test the effects of tempering. Also, if it wasn't clear, her and Muddied Glory are foster sisters.)
Name: Gyococo Gyoco
Race: Namazu Lalafell
Clan: Namazu Dunesfolk
Gender: "Depends on how much you are paying." (She/Him)
Gyococo is a lalafell adopted and raised by namazu. Once the Far East started becoming a more popular tourist destination for Eorzeans, she began seeing more and more lalafells, eventually growing curious enough to wish to visit and explore the land her real parents hailed from. At least, that's what he told people.
In truth, Gyococo cared little for pursuing his ancestral culture and just saw what she assumed would be an ignorant and unassuming market she could swindle as a merchant. What she found when she arrived in Ul'dah, however, was a society of cut throats and swindlers worse than any namazu could ever hope to achieve.
After months of barely scraping by, he eventually turned over a new leaf. She befriended an illiterate playwright and now acts as her scribe and editor. While he is far from the rich woman he was hoping to become, she lives comfortably and is happy with where her life is at.
(I don't touch Gyococo much, mostly because the playerbase is really fucking weird about lalafells and really fucking weird about trans women, and the overlap is... not fun, honestly.)
Name: Gaeli Cat
Race: Gaelicat
Clan: Gaelicat
Gender: Gaelicat
Gaelicat.
(Gaelicat.)
#FFXIV#ffxiv wol#ffxiv rp#People are gonna see this and then give me a sideways glance and go 'So uh... hows your relationship with your mom Ceetee?'#to which I reply 'My mother is the coolest person I know and also I am never speaking to her again after all the pain she has caused me'#'and also I'm fairly sure she was starting to suffer from dementia and beginning to lose her own identity to it.'#but I don't see how any of that is relevant to my FFXIV OC's#why do you ask?
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we're 1/4 through the year its time to check in with the goals and vibes
this post is so long
so tbh i haven't been thinking much about the goals and vibes i set at the start of the year. in fact rereading them there are many i had forgotten about lol. so let's revisit
theme no. 1 was self-assurance. i was feeling insecure last year apparently (how quickly i forget...) and wanted to feel solid in myself. i think this is feeling good! i'm not sure it needs to be theme no. 1 anymore! but i'll keep it because it is nice to feel self-assured. feeling insecure is not pleasant.
theme 2 was consume less. this is pretty good and remains a theme i am vibing with
third theme is let go of clinging to / craving stability and certainty. yeah i think i have integrated this. stability is something i might pursue but not something i will expect.
and the goals
join a choir / sing regularly in some form - nixed for now. not vibing.
do at least one overnight camping hike (hopefully more) - okay its so windy here maybe i'll hike and stay in huts or something idk about camping. we'll see!!
go to the pole studio in the town i'll be living in and suss the vibe. if the vibe is good enroll in classes! - i haven't been to the one closest to me yet!! but i will soon and have been to another studio so :)
keep journaling (i've journaled each day this year!) or at least remember journaling is there, and is helpful (i've noticed i tend to journal a lot in Jan and then stop) - i have kept up the journaling! not every day but at least a few times a week.
figure out how i want to have meditation in my life - a work in progress but this is moving up the priority list rn. i have been anxious. meditation helps w that for me.
sort out my digital archives - i haven't started this and the thought of doing so is deeply overwhelming in the terrible way where it gets more overwhelming the longer i wait
finish editing all my half edited videos - : / nope and i'm about to lose access to premiere pro so !! ???
read more poetry, memorise 3 poems (i'm memorising the raven at the moment, it is so long that it might take me all year) - i forgot about this lol, i'm kinda still into it but its low on the list
do PhD revisions and be finished with the phd for REAL - i submitted a draft to my supervisor! nearly done :)
write (at least) one article based on the phd (a reluctant goal. i must.) - feeling confident i will do this due to the environment i am in!
okay some good goals in here. i have been thinking i wanna do some prioritisaiton. that is a long list of goals up there. too many. so here are the ones i am gonna keep in mind for now
Work + career development - stay on top of my job, submit articles, apply for conferences. i am gonna have to keep living for my whole life somehow so i'd best use this time to set myself up to be able to get a job in this field i have spent a bunch of time in.
Meditation + journaling - really wanna get a good vibe with meditation again. Still unsure what this will look like but will prioritise figuring it out.
Organising - there's a genocide happening and I'm not doing shit. wanna get connected with organising communities here. weird being in a new place and not knowing anyone.
Pole + stretching - feeling strong in pole classes recently has felt sooooo good! And dancing... I love it. I think there's not much else in my life here yet that brings that level of joy.
Maintain relationships w people in Aus - this is like a time consuming thing that requires thought! I somehow did not foresee this! And I do want to prioritise it. Messaging people, scheduling calls, this kinda thing. I don't really like messaging generally lol so, it is on the list!!
Travel - I want to see Ireland and Europe while I'm here! And can already sense how easy it will be for two years to pass without me going anywhere.
And backburner goals
Do an overnight hike
Sort out my digital archives
Read + memorise more poetry.
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I almost forgot about this! 👀📌🖊️❓please!
Hiii~~ 💕 Thank you for the ask~ 😌
👀 Do I have any words/phrases I use habitually?
Probably, but I can't remember. 😓 I think I use 'Well,' quite a bit, along with other short phrases to add a sort of casual/musing flavor to the inner dialogue. I know there's some sort of phrase that I'll cap a sentence off with, but I really don't know which fic to skim through to confirm that. 😅 Sorry, my laziness has yet to budge. 🥴
📌 If all your fics/WIPs fell off a ship and were drowning (go with it), and you could only save one, which would it be?
I think it'd have to be Powerless. I could probably rewrite all the others to some extent. They wouldn't be perfect 1-to-1 replicas or anything, but they'd still retain the same spirit. Powerless, however, was written during pure creative possession. Plus, that mofo is like 39k overall or more? I forget. But that in of itself would be hard to replicate and the only reason why I took it down was due to uninformed advice. That I was worried about shipbaiting my readers because I didn't know when Hinata was going to show up, so I just took it down like that was going to be okay. 🤦♀️ As if I could repost it in a matter of weeks and nothing would be lost. Lesigh. I'm still totally fond of it. There are some changes I want to make when I work on the rest of the re-upload, but Naruto's childhood in the first chapter was my favorite thing to write and I could never replicate the same feelings, I don't think. Even if I listen to the playlist I made for it. It'd help but never be the same.
🖊 What is the most recent line you've written?
I haven't written anything new yet since my Witchcraft AU. 😅 I wish. Yoga AU is top of my list. I think it's gonna be really long, but I'm looking forward to it. I feel like I have a better understanding of oneshots now. Hmmm, y'know what? I had this pre-written in my head, so let's just go with this (and I'll most likely edit in the final draft anyways):
"He was exactly like a sunflower. Tall and lanky, his hair sticking out in every direction like radial petals. She's never seen a shade as cheerful as his. It contrasted so sharply against the consternation darkening his face. As she drew closer, she noticed two things: The erratic bouncing of his right leg. His right hand cupped over his mouth, with forefinger and middle finger parted as if something was meant to be there. A pantomime of a bad habit."
Or maybe I don't have to edit this. This turned out pretty good. 🤔
❓ Write an alternate summary for a published fic without using names. (Points if your followers can guess the fic.)
Oh, you sadist. 🤣 Making me write a whole new summary. 💀 I'll just totally go ahead and use this line that's been sitting my outline files for ages. Not much of a proper summary, but excerpts count. 😤
"Pressing himself against her backside, slouchy black pants rustling against her fitted pair, he breathed hot venom in her ear, his hands like vices clamped around her wrists. She could twist, whimper and wrench away all she wants, but she wasn't going anywhere.
"Do you know how boys do it, huh? They take it in the ass.""
I feel like I made that one pretty obvious. 🤭
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So now that the fic has been finished for a bit I have some questions about the making of Partners and Paper Trails. I'm just curious about what it was like to write it (and wondering whether my experiences writing for this fandom are universal). No pressure to answer!
Generally speaking, did you find Harry's chapters or Kim's chapters harder/easier to write?
Which parts of the fic (either POV) were your favorite to write? Alternatively, which parts were unexpectedly frustrating?
From what I understand, you wrote the entire fic ahead of time and then edited it as you went along, but didn't start publishing it until the first draft was entirely finished. Do you have any advice for someone who's attempting to write a long fic following a similar process?
(as a secret fourth question, if there's any hidden lore/details that people didn't seem to pick up on/something else fic related you want to share and haven't had the opportunity to, I'm all ears. love me some secret lore 👀)
Sorry it took me so long to respond, I was working on my response instead of working and then I was like crap, I should probably do work, and then I actually went out and did stuff with people irl for once lol. So now I'm back home and can answer this!
Generally speaking, did you find Harry's chapters or Kim's chapters harder/easier to write?
There were aspects of both that were difficult. I spent a whole other fic in Kim's head so I had more practice with him, but I think Harry ended up being a little easier or at least more fun. I could break up reactions and thoughts into each of his aspects vs the solid paragraphs of Kim's chapters. You also can just do more wacky stuff with Harry and his skills. However, it was hard to remember all of the skills. Like, I did Encyclopedia so dirty. After a point I kind of just forgot about him or didn't feel like thinking up facts for him to chime in about lol
Which parts of the fic (either POV) were your favorite to write? Alternatively, which parts were unexpectedly frustrating?
My favorite thing to write is dialogue, especially when Kim and Harry are really getting into the groove of the case and when they get their little banters going. I also really like competence porn so Harry wasn't nearly as much of a mess as he could be in game. It was a bit of a wish fulfillment fic in that I wanted to see Harry doing better for himself and not just for Kim. I think directly after Martinaise he probably was doing worse than the point he's at in the start of the fic.
The hardest part was writing the case and trying not to make it too obvious (but it definitely was so I had to hope people enjoyed it regardless haha). I'd never done a mystery before so coming up with what happened and how/what they discovered was challenging. So I guess that's not really unexpectedly difficult. Writing the actual porn was unexpectedly frustrating! A majority of what I write is smut so it was like "why is this so difficult???". I had to get that last chapter perfect (I still don't think it is, but what writer ever does) because I dragged it out long enough and I didn't want to let anyone down. It's very different from what I originally had. I also had never written d/s before, thankfully my editor has experience in that realm so he had really good pointers even though it's really light in the fic lol. I still don't know how successful I was with the smut for this one.
From what I understand, you wrote the entire fic ahead of time and then edited it as you went along, but didn't start publishing it until the first draft was entirely finished. Do you have any advice for someone who's attempting to write a long fic following a similar process?
Some people can just write and post as they go, but I have way too much anxiety to start posting something that isn't finished. I also have way too much ADHD to trust that once I started something I actually would finish it. I've also seen too many fics that don't know or don't want to quit so they just keep going past the point where it would have been a good/interesting ending (not really in this fandom, I just mean in general). So, yes, I finished it, had my editor do an initial read, made some general edits based on his feedback, and then he did a more in-depth edit of the first few chapters and then I started posting them. Some chapters I added a lot more to them during this stage and some chapters stayed pretty much the same. There are a few chapters that haven't been edited because he was unexpectedly unavailable for an extended period of time and I didn't want to stop the momentum. I didn't really have a beta reader for this one, but I asked a few people to beta specific chapters. It's not something I typically would want, I'd have preferred to have a beta for all of it, but it is what it is (or was rather). So all of that is to say, you don't have to do it that way lol, but I would at least have an outline and stopping point and stick to it. And if you want a beta reader, find someone who's opinion you trust and who you can trust will be honest with you. Also don't get rid of anything entirely. If you like something, but it doesn't work, cut it and paste it in a separate document because you might find a way to bring it back or parts of it back in other places. Also make copies for version control. Once I finished it, I made a copy so if I changed something too much in the final version but didn't like it, I could either refer back to or restore parts from the original.
As for secret lore/things no one mentioned:
In the first chapter, when Mollins first flips the siren on, Harry has an adverse reaction to the sound because of his encounter with The Pigs. Then there's an Esprit De Corps check about her listening to her police shows. (Hilarious fact: I couldn't remember her real name correctly at first and before I double checked the wiki I thought it was Marine Le Pen loool)
This goes back to the first fic, but Kim bought a book on how to support someone in addiction recovery and the receipt shows he bought it when he first started as a detective with Eyes. If you take the radiation drug in the game, there's mention of Kim possibly having had a partner with addiction. Also based on his many comments on seeing officers in much worse condition and having only one partner, I'm guessing he's talking about Eyes so I went with that. I still have no idea what exactly happened with Eyes in my story, though.
Shivers helps Kim open the door to the Linnea.
The reason Johnny's body was dropped off in the Harbor is because there had been a bank robbery in Jamrock at the time and there were cops everywhere looking for anything suspicious. That's a tidbit that didn't make it into the text.
The people in Harry's Shivers check in the first part of his final POV chapter are the people that would have been targeted next.
Thanks for asking these questions, they were fun to answer!
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Kcalb + Wodahs [thesis]
Still working on some fics, but in the meanwhile, I had this post in my drafts for so long and I forgot about it entirely, so I thought I might as well edit and post it now.
I was going to discuss the “Kurotsuno & Sullivan’s relation to Kcalb” theory first, but I got finished with this one a lot faster, so I’ll be posting the former one at a later date. This headcanon post concerns Wodahs & Kcalb + their relation to one another.
This is just for fun, so I apologize for any potential inaccuracies - if that’s the case, then I implore people to point them out so I can try and fix any inconsistencies there might be. This is quite short, but there’s always a lot to talk about.
I want to first start off by not focusing on either Kcalb or Wodahs, but on other characters far distant from TGG to give a bit more context and background behind my theory. Namely, this image here is quite intriguing.
Ivlis, Rosaliya, & Reficul are labeled as, “Manufactured by God” - that is, they were created by the God of the world they (used to) reside in.
Two appear to be missing from this picture, leaving out Satanick & Kcalb, but they obviously had to appear somehow. They did not materialize out of thin air by nothingness - we've seen previously, as an example, Siralos created Ivlis (& Igls) from flames, Meikai was created from a star by Satanick. So, if their corresponding Gods did not make them out of something, then where did they come from?
Speaking out of materializing out of thin air, All of the Gods ALSO had to “appear” somehow, as they are not clearly the highest deities in DSPverse, considering Vicers, Justim, Photon, Nortkele, Reminiscences are all above them in terms of ranking and categorizing, although it's largely unknown what they are supposed to represent (in the grander scheme) or even what species they are. They could also similarly just be cosmic deities, but higher-ranking than the gods we currently know most about.
It is likely, as one of many possibilities, that either Justim or Vicers created them. Judging by the image below - by how Justim is in focus and standing in front of all the other gods - I’m inclined to think they are the one who created all the Gods, at the very least, since they have been stated to be “God of Gods” - yet Vicers has never been called “Devil of Devils”, which would make sense if Vicers only created two of them (Satanick and Kcalb), as the rest of the devils were created by their own corresponding Gods.
Justim: *gestures behind them* these r my ocs! ^ u ^
(Not really related as such, but Photon and Nortkele are fairly obvious in a sense what they’re supposed to represent (it’s pretty much spelled out in their names), but that leaves Reminiscences… so, maybe they (she?) are a personification of “Matter” while their dark counterpart is a personification of “Antimatter”? Either way, they’re supposed to represent at least something floating around in space? An atom? A neutron? We’ll have to wait patiently for a while longer for another clue.)
Anyway, back to Vicers.
“The power to bestow life and the power to take it all away.”
So, Vicers can both create and destroy, it seems like. If he really did make Kcalb, he could have bestowed the latter with his destruction powers.
Vicers & Justim’s relationship seems quite complex, they’ve been inconsistently described as several things ( “can’t stand eachother, can’t live without one another either” / “used to have a big fight in the past”, and now “lovers” ), all these facebook relationship statues could be spread out within a specific span of time; maybe they started off as friends, then got into a conflict with one another, almost started (or did start) a war, then they made up, but it was still quite tense between them. At long last, they settled their differences and then became friends again, eventually lovers.
Wodahs could similarly have been created by either Vicers or Justim (or they could have created them together, as sort of a peace treaty and proof that two opposite beings can co-exist together, but I am more inclined towards only Vicers having manufactured Kcalb, as well as Wodahs.)
EDIT: Future!me has come to edit this wall of text before posting, having now read some of the more recent information from one of DSP's drawing livestreams. "Did Etihw create Wodahs?" question was answered with an uncertain: "You can say yes AND no to that."
well, that kinda throws the "Vicers created Wodahs" theory out the window, doesn't it?
So, what if Etihw gave life to something that originally belonged Kcalb? Like a feather from a crow?
Characters of different species can be “blood siblings” as we’ve seen (Igls Unth is an angel, Ivlis is a demon, but they’re still technically 'siblings' created by the same god, if you see them as such), so could Kcalb & Wodahs be the same? It might be more appropriate to refer to them as half-siblings in this case.
Reficul & Sol / Ivlis & Igls Unth “Devil and the Head Angel” - both duos are considered blood siblings, so why couldn’t Wodahs & Kcalb be considered the same? (granted, Reficul used to be an angel, so using her is kind of a flimsier example.)
I personally can’t get behind either 1) “Kcalb used to be an angel” or 2) “Wodahs used to be a demon” theories, because
1) For Kcalb to have been angel, he would have to have been created by Etihw in the first place, but that’s clearly (as we saw in the previous point) not the case.
2) Wodahs has been an angel since he was a young babey;
and a FALLEN angel, no less? Gray wings in DSP’s universe are associated with damnation by god... hmm…
We’ve seen angels turn into demons, but never a demon turning into an angel. The concept of "redemption for your sins" doesn’t appear to exist with Gods & their angels. Once you’ve turned into a demon, there is no "reversing" that effect or gaining back the status as an angel. It’s the same with biblical/mythological concept of angels/demons (as all fallen angels automatically become demons, but never in reverse).
Since all angels are typically created by Gods, Wodahs could possibly be an outlier and considered not a true angel, but a “farce” in a sense he was created out of something that originally belonged to a Devil, hence why his wings have been gray since he was a child.
He’s also quite brutal in some instances in TGG in contrast to most angels; he keeps bullying/purposefully reminding Kcalb about his missing eye (instead of just letting go of the past), chokes out Grora and almost breaks her leg when she messed up his flowerbeds, and his GGT!self was seen trying to drunkenly molest GGT!Grora in one of the omakes...)
But, maybe in the past things were different with someone like Etihw (who is generally considered an anomaly amongst the other gods), who was willing to give Wodahs actual pure white wings and halo when he left Kcalb to go over to Etihw’s side during the war (thus is the reason Kcalb took his eye for betraying him in the first place).
He still shows more loyalty to Kcalb in the game over Etihw despite everything, which reaffirms my theory of him not having a very close relation to Etihw post-war.
Curious to hear anyone else's thoughts on this!
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New Things, Real Things
HI GUYS! have this thing i just found in my drafts. it was supposed to be a new years thing but i forgot it existed. haven't edited it, so it is what it is. sorry/you're welcome. i promise i'll get to my other wips too, eventually.
happy new year almost three weeks late i guess?
Viktor x gender neutral reader, 4,2k words, no warnings.
There's a fancy gala at the Academy...and Viktor has plans.
Midwinter in Piltover is beautiful, sparkling, and lonely.
There are lights everywhere, warm and colorful, and on cold evenings snow falls and gathers on the rooftops. The days are short and busy as always, and a good chunk of the population seems to temporarily lose their minds, shopping like the world was ending and worrying about cleaning their cabinets and planning to start a new life as if their old lives were going to disappear.
You worked with Jayce and Viktor, helping with paperwork and part orders, equipment upkeep and other small jobs. In the lab, very few things change; the heating goes up only as much as the regulations for the sensitive components allow, even as the temperatures outside plummet, and extra lights would just be a distraction anywhere near the workspace, not to mention annoying. Besides, it's not like they don't have better use for the power outlets.
From a scientific perspective, everything went on as it always had, except for the slight changes in temperature and air humidity, and some shipping delays in parts.
And, well, the parties.
One big, blaring disruption to the routine is steadily approaching;
The midwinter gala. It was tradition, something that the Academy always did. Something to celebrate, something to light up the long dark winter around the midpoint mark. Give people something to look forward to, a reason to mingle, and an excuse to celebrate.
You had never been. But ever since Hextech took off, Viktor and Jayce had been invited every year. With colorful opinions of the topic, it seemed; Pretentious. There’s better ways to waste money. Awful speeches, terrible company. Business deals disguised as small talk. Insufferable jokes. Conversations that make you want to tear your hair out. Uncomfortable clothes.
It’s not all bad, Jayce usually says, the music’s okay, really talented performers every year.
And the food’s okay. And the drinks.
And it’s free.
It’s important to keep up the connections.
Viktor usually only agrees with some of these statements.
They both talk about this as if it’s mostly an inconvenience, a disruption in their work, a break in shipping times and opening hours, and not an event to look forward to. Not something that Academy students dream of attending.
As the dark days tick by, it’s by pure luck that you find yourself on the guest list, too. It’s not that they ask you to come as much as the conversation just slips there, and one piece falls to place after another, and when Viktor says that he would much rather have you there to talk to than be subjected to the endless rows of pretentious investors, and Jayce says you should totally come, it'll be much better with you there, at that point it would just be rude to decline.
And – sure. Both of them were very honest about the more unpleasant aspects of the party. Like the elitism, the stuffy atmosphere, the way they were always inevitably pulled into some business talk or investor deals or very thinly veiled attempts at introducing them to someone’s child/cousin/friend/sibling that was either single or looking to get into the academy, or both.
But it was also a shiny glimpse into a life you’d never been a part of, and you were curious.
As the end of the schoolyear approaches, a lot of the people working and studying at the academy leave to visit their families. It makes the hallways quieter at night, and the courtyard mostly empty, the lines at coffee shops shorter than ever. You weren't planning on going anywhere, and, well. The gala was something…new.
Not that you didn’t enjoy the quiet nights at the lab, helping and tinkering and sorting parts and paperwork with Viktor and Jayce. No, that was nice. But the gala was something new and exciting and shiny, and you were looking forward to it.
And, to your slight surprise, so was Viktor.
For all the bad or at least questionable things he had said about the event, he was very precise about planning the lab work so that he would actually be able to attend. Which was…interesting.
He made sure all the shipments were on schedule, everything that was needed was ordered in, and all the progress was going as planned. He wasn’t usually in the habit of double-checking things with you, unless he genuinely wasn’t sure about something. But now he was triple-checking to-do lists, asking if you’d done this or that already, periodically making sure things were moving as they should.
He asked you what you were going to wear.
Which honestly took you by surprise, but you’d answered it anyway.
His answer took you by surprise too;
“That’s very flammable, isn’t it?” He’d said, as if that’s a key feature of formal wear.
“I’m not planning on being near any open fires,” You’d answered, “I don’t think welding is going to be a part of the party.”
He’d just hummed thoughtfully at that.
Jayce had said something about most formal wear being highly flammable, and that had been that.
You’d chalked that up to just Viktor being Viktor, practical and logical, and hadn’t thought too much about it. The conversation had soon delved into circuit boards, and the night slipped into an easy, familiar dynamic of sitting at your respective desks and heating up forgotten cups of coffee and tea, borrowing a hand where some part or another was difficult to fix. Holding out tools and finding the right components.
By the time the day of the gala rolls around, the campus is quiet and the city is mostly covered in snow. The lab windows are frosted over, and work has quieted down a good few days before. Viktor’s planning has paid off; everything seemed to be in order. As far as you could tell, you’d reached the set goal in the set time.
Which leaves Viktor leaning over in his chair, looking everything over for one last time. Jayce had left already, having somewhere to be before the event. This leaves you and Viktor alone in the lab – technically you didn’t need to be there anymore, either, but you lingered anyway.
“It’s fine,” You note when he opens a small case of components, “you’ve checked those at least three times already.”
He pauses, his hand stopping on top of the case. “Yes.” He says, and then lets out a small sigh. “I know.”
“But?” You prod, looking him over. He was nervous, and not very good at hiding it.
He’s quiet for a moment. “But…” He starts, “I just want to be sure that everything’s…” He shrugs slowly, “As good as it can be.”
You nod a bit. “At this point, I’ll be surprised if anything’s out of line.” You point out.
You weren’t sure of the details of what they were working on, but you knew the ins and outs of the parts; new kinds of circuit boards for different types of machinery. They’d had you order the parts, you’d helped with the wiring, checked any menial errors in the soldering, filed the paperwork. They were trying to create something with a better ratio of efficiency; less lost power. If it worked, it could potentially revolutionize the energy industry. It made sense that he was nervous about it – it was a big project. And this was as far as they’d ever gotten in it. Far enough to have actual prototypes.
You get out of your own chair and walk over to him, looking at the parts over his shoulder.
“Do you want me to look them over again?” You offer, placing a hand on the back of his chair and leaning closer to see the tools and discarded parts spread over his desk.
“You’ve done that already.” He notes, without looking up. “There’s no need to repeat that. I trust you.”
“Then what are you nervous about?”
He takes a deep breath, his shoulders rising slowly. He flexes a hand and picks up a small screwdriver, for no reason other than to have something to fidget with.
“A lot of important people coming to the gala,” He answers, “people I…need to impress.” He swallows, “I am not a fan of being at the mercy of someone else’s opinions of me and my work.”
You nod slowly, and he takes another deep breath.
“Jayce thought it would be a good idea to present this idea to some potential investors tonight.” He adds, “We haven’t gotten permission to test it yet, so all we have is talk and some equations no-one there will care about.”
He waves a hand slowly over the table. “I know it checks out, it should work, or at least it could if we’d get a bit more practical research done. But that’s not enough to impress anyone. So –” He shrugs again, slowly, “It needs to be…presented in a way that people will believe, even if we don’t have anything real yet.”
“Sure you do.” You counter, despite understanding where he was coming from – he wasn't actually worried about the parts, he was worried about the people. An independent variable he couldn't predict.
“You have an idea. A plan. You have a concept.” You list, “That’s how everything starts. Hell, you have a prototype and the math to back it up. And, you know, most people never even get this far. Certainly not any of those investors. Do you think any of them could ever have come up with anything half this brilliant?”
He’s silent for a moment.
“That’s…one way of looking at it.” He says, and then sighs a bit. “I’m just…not the biggest fan of performative social events. Especially ones with…high stakes.”
“I get it,” You nod, “but you’ll do great. People respect you.”
He smiles like he doesn’t quite believe it. “People are Jayce’s specialty, not mine.”
You shrug a little with one shoulder. “Sure, but you could do all of that too, if you wanted to.”
“I’d rather not.” He answers, putting down the screwdriver he’d been fidgeting with and straightening out the case storing the latest parts.
“Then leave that to Jayce.” You offer casually, “And you just be impressive with the science.”
He exhales a small laugh. “That simple, huh?”
“You do it often enough.” You note, and then lean back, starting to get ready to leave – you still had to get ready before the party. “Don’t overthink it. Just be yourself. If they don’t like it, they’re not worth your time.”
“You do know they are the people with all the money, right?”
“Yeah, and I also know you wouldn’t feel good funding this with money from corrupted assholes.”
He takes a deep breath and sighs it out. “Yeah. You’re right.” He then agrees, shifting in his place. “So I’ll meet you here at eight?”
You barely pause in your movements, picking up your things. “Yeah.” You exhale, “Eight sounds good.”
You were treading the line of not letting yourself think that this was a date, but…the little things were hard to miss. Like planning to go together, and then spending time together. In an event like this, there were…connotations.
By the time you get home, shower, and get yourself ready, you’re periodically repeating it in your head like a mantra; no-one said it was a date.
And then when you find him outside the lab just before eight, you have to keep reminding yourself.
It’s not often that you see Viktor outside of Academy uniforms; it’s like the lab is his natural habitat. Now, he’s wearing a deep burgundy suit that looks like velvet – soft – his hair is pushed back, without any indents from safety goggles, and he looks good.
He smiles when he sees you, and that looks good too.
“You clean up nicely.” You note as you walk to him.
“Same back at you.” He answers, “You look…” He trails off, his eyes falling over you.
In the small silence that follows, you remind yourself once again that nobody said it was a date.
“Thanks.” You answer, trying to sound as casual as possible, “Shall we?”
He exhales deeply and nods, starting to walk next to you.
The party is…exactly as you'd expected. Sparkling, and shimmering, and loud. Full of people you only sort of recognized, all of them acting like this whole thing was somehow removed from reality. Like this was its own little world, and they alone ran it. All mundane worries were left by the door – inside, all they had to worry about was a place to set down their empty classes when someone with an empty tray walked by.
The ceilings are high in the old academy halls, and the equally tall windows reflect lights from the party, backlit only by the night sky. You could hear the music flow through the air all the way outside, overlayed with a mixture of people chattering and laughing, but only when appropriate – at least with the night this young. You had a suspicion that as time went on and people got progressively more drunk, the atmosphere might change.
When you walk in to the main hall, Jayce is already there; you can instantly spot him talking to some people, waving his hands in emphasis as he speaks. It's easy to slip into his sphere of influence, catching the tail end of some elaborate story that had, no doubt, started out as an answer to a question about hextech.
Most people in the room seem to have gathered into small groups, either mingling or honing in on the food and drinks, and the only thing unifying the whole room are some speeches and announcements. You don't really listen to them – it's nothing imaginative, thank you for a great year, let's work together to make the next one even better, and so on and so on. You tune it out pretty quickly.
Jayce and Viktor gathered quite the crowd whenever they started talking about their new projects, and you tried supporting them the best you could. But you weren't an expert, so you lingered by the sidelines, only offering smiles and quick notes when one of them couldn't remember a specific detail about something you'd helped with.
You can see that Viktor is uncomfortable, with the way he stands, his back all stiff and his hands fidgeting, and his eyes flitting over the room. So you offer him an encouraging smile every time his eyes find you. He seems to slowly get used to answering questions about the project, which is good – it lessens your anxiety about the situation too, somehow.
As soon as the crowd dissipates and the topic gets dropped for some boring speech or a toast or a nomination or whatever, Viktor slips to the edges of the crowd, finding a spot next to you and sighing so deeply he looks like he deflates.
"It looked like it went well." You greet him, and he smiles faintly without meeting your eyes, looking over the room instead.
"People seemed…interested." He answers, nodding a little.
"That's good." You nod back, "Any further deals?"
"Jayce is sorting out the details now." He licks his lips, "I thought it would be best if he took care of that. He's more…likable.'
He says that like it's a fact, and you kind of want to argue, or – or something, but he snaps his head up, looking at you so intensely that it makes your train of thought stagger.
"Do you want to help with something?" He asks, voice quiet, and his eyes locked to yours.
You blink. "That's vague," you point out, "but if it'll get me out of having to listen to another boring speech, I'm in."
He smiles a little. Nods, just slightly.
And drops his hand into yours, just for long enough to pull you towards the closest door.
It's easy to slip out of the crowd and into a hallway. People were too busy worrying about themselves, no-one even looked your way.
He drops your hand just as casually as he had taken it, in one fluid motion, and opens a door, motioning for you to go inside.
You're burning with the desire to ask what he was planning, but he was quiet, and you weren't dumb; this was something silent. Something he wanted to do without other people noticing.
So you stay quiet until he closes the door softly behind you.
"What are we doing?" You whisper as he walks past you and to a desk, without turning on any lights. The whole room – which is more of a closet than a room, really – is only lit by emergency exit lights, and a few computer screens.
He settles behind one of the computer screens, and you can see him lick his lips. "Remember when I said we needed to do a bit more practical research?"
You walk closer slowly. "...Yes?"
He smiles and glances at you, before looking down at the screen again. He leans to the table a little, setting his cane aside, taking a small box from his pocket and digging out a circuit board.
He rearranges some things on the desk, moving wires and turning on some small device that whirrs more loudly than the computer itself. You just watch the process quietly for a moment, puzzling it out in your head.
"You couldn't just come here during working hours?" You ask, even though you're 99% sure that if he could have, he would have, and if he did this, he had a good reason.
"The Academic board doesn't think we're ready yet. They say it would be a waste of time."
You nod slowly, trying your best to ignore the hollow, tired bitterness in his voice. It's the kind of ice that seeps in after being rejected many times; after not being believed in.
"So. No-one knows we're here?"
"Jayce does," he answers, while doing something on the computer, typing in something before setting the circuit board on some sort of a gently-glowing plate, "he's keeping all the important eyes and ears busy."
You nod again. Move a bit closer. Look over the setup, despite not understanding all of it. "Can I help?" You ask, "What are we doing?"
"Keep an ear out in case anyone comes in." He answers, his eyes on the screen and his fingers running over some wires, securing them in place, "And I'm running a test on how the circuit would handle high power levels."
"How high?"
"Nuclear fusion." he answers, like it's a totally normal thing to say.
"Nuclear-" you start, shocked, and he looks up at you, pausing in his movements.
He meets your eyes, steady and intense. "I would not have brought you here if it wasn't safe." He says, his voice unwavering, "We're not going to actually run that sort of power through this, think of it as more like…a simulation with…some real-life components."
You blink at him. "You could have lead with that."
"Sorry." He says quietly, and goes back to setting something up on the screen. After a moment, he shifts a little, and nods towards the screen, "Do you want to check if this looks right to you?" He asks, "be my second set of eyes and all."
You step closer, leaning next to him and looking over the screen. There was a digital model of the circuit board, emphasized by different colors and some running stats at the side of the screen. Your eyes move over the usual potential issues – looking for broken connections, faulty components, badly attached wires. Counting things, making sure there weren't empty slots.
You nod slowly. "Looks right to me."
He nods back, and presses some buttons, and the simulation starts running. The device where the actual circuit board was connected to lights up, and a progress bar appears on screen.
Viktor sighs, deeply.
"Now we wait." He says, "The reason they don't give out permissions to use this easily is that it is slow and takes up a lot of bandwidth from other systems in here. But no-one is using any of that tonight."
You nod a bit. "And you just couldn't pass by an opportunity like this."
He smiles a bit. "Would you rather be out there, listening to someone tell a story about how they just spent more money on a vase than you've ever seen in your life?"
"No." You sigh, and lean to the desk next to him. "Thanks for saving me."
"Anytime."
He reads over some sort of progress report on screen, scrolling through code that you couldn't understand most of.
And then you hear footsteps. Uneven, heavy – unknown. And they were coming closer.
Viktor hears it the same time you do. He looks up at you, eyes wide for a split second, and you can practically see the cogs turning in his head.
You weren't allowed to be there. You weren't sure how bad it would be if you got caught, but it probably wouldn't be good.
Time seems to stretch and compress between each heartbeat that hammers through your chest. Between each unfamiliar footstep.
One, Viktor shakes himself out of the shock and minimizes the simulation window, leaving just the standard desktop that had been open when you'd walked in.
Two, he takes a step away from the computer, and closer to you.
Three, he leans closer, caging you between him and the desk, whispers a quiet please play along, and then he kisses you.
He kisses you.
Your mind catches up to this, and everything else that was happening, piece by piece.
He wasn't really kissing you – but he was, and it was heaven, his taste was intoxicating and his body was pressed against yours and he was filling all your senses and his jacket was soft under your fingers, his lips soft against yours – but it wasn't real, it was a distraction, play along, he'd said, it was a play, for whoever was behind that door, it wasn't for you –
He shifts, pressing closer to you, exhaling a small sigh, and the contradiction of it is torture. Torture you wouldn't give up for anything, because now you had this, you knew what he felt like, what he sounded like, what he smelled like this close, what he tasted like, but it wasn't real, and that hurt like having something in your heart uprooted.
The door opens and closes with a quick flash of light, and a foreign voice blurting out a quick Sorry! before hurrying away.
You have to suppress a whine when Viktor pulls away. You had kissed him back, of course, but – it wasn't supposed to be real. And yet you miss it instantly.
He doesn't move much. Just enough to give you room to breathe. Just enough to look you in the eyes.
"Sorry." He says, "I…thought that would be a…perfectly understandable and entirely legal reason for us being in here." He explains, looking away.
Sorry.
He had kissed you, and he dared to apologize.
He had kissed you, and it hadn't been real.
He had kissed you, and he hadn't known if you wanted it.
You can do nothing but swallow and take a slightly-shaky breath. "It's okay." You answer, voice light, "I was just…surprised."
He takes a deep breath, shifts back to look at the screen. "Not what you were expecting when you followed me in here?"
"No."
He sighs. "I'm…sorry." He says again, slowly. "For crossing any boundaries. I would have asked but–"
"Viktor." You stop him, "I get it. You don't need to apologize. It was fast thinking, I get it."
Then, you let out a quiet laugh. "Like you said. Good excuse for us to be in here." You smile, "Honestly."
You sigh a bit, too. "People will talk though. You think they recognized us?"
"It's pretty dark in here." He answers, "But it wouldn't be the worst rumor to have circulate."
"You wouldn't mind having people say you habitually hook up with people in closets at parties?"
"Who said it's habitual?" He counters, "This is a sample size of one." He notes, glancing up from the screen briefly, "I'm saying that I wouldn't mind having people say I hooked up with you in a closet at a party." He looks back at the screen, "Unless you're opposed to the idea, of course. In which case I apologize."
You just look at him for a few seconds.
"I'm not." You answer, "Opposed to the idea." You swallow, feeling like this conversation was suddenly far more serious. Far more…real.
He hums out thoughtfully, picking out a few wires and unplugging them, having finished at least some part of the simulation.
"So if you're not opposed," He says, words slow, "how do you feel?"
You swallow again. "Well, for one, I think there's better places to hook up in than closets," You answer, "and I'd prefer it not to be an act. But you're right, there could be worse rumors. And…it does make sense. We came in together. People already think it's a date."
He nods, and hums again, thoughtfully.
Looks up to meet your eyes. "So if you're not opposed to the concept," He says, slowly, "and you'd prefer it not to be an act," he shifts in his place a little, "would you like it to be real?"
Time stands still.
Until you whisper yes.
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