Tumgik
#DO NOT EAT ROTTEN MEAT
teaboot · 8 months
Text
I'm aware that this is a pretty big blog, so I try to avoid putting people on blast- mostly cause I don't want anyone tracking folks down and dogpiling on them for the unforgivable sin of "being wrong about a thing",
Because we are all hilariously, ridiculously and unabashedly incorrect about things at times, and that doesn't deserve the embarrassment of a thousand jeering, judging strangers with their careless mockery and casual insults,
That being said
Tumblr media
BITCH THAT SHIT DO KILLS PEOPLE
42K notes · View notes
xulips · 2 months
Note
I need more info in the freakvamp au. like. does akito have organs? if not, does that include a brain?if n brain, how think? if have, why? if no blood, there's no way to get water around his body? no blood vessels? so uselessly existent organs??????? HELP
Tumblr media
HAHSGS SORRY OP I THOUGHT IT FITS HIS CURIOSITY
but to answer ur question, kinda! he only have those that's beneficial to his daily activity, like his digestive and respiratory system. for example he doesn't have a heart to pump blood because he has no blood to begin with.
the way it works is that akito only digest meat (carnivore moment) and the nutrients from said meat (extracted thanks to the help of his special digestive system) helps his internal organs work just like normal, even better if the meat is fresh + has blood on them. more nutrients means an even stronger body
and for the brains and other parts of the organs, it's really just.. pure meat slob no bones whatsoever (this might make people believe he's weak in general because of no skeletal structure underneath him but his muscle power are way beyond comprehension to balance it out) (he's still an anomaly afterall, he can't be easy to kill)
i didn't actually plan for this au to become a real big thing in this account so i haven't done much research BUT! here's what i think about it so far :3c
146 notes · View notes
quinnsanestuff · 8 months
Text
i need larian to add a cooking minigame where your party rates the end results
4 notes · View notes
theotheristhedoctor · 1 month
Text
This is the highest compliment I can bestow, but Dungeon Meshi reads like it was written for, if not by, Terry Pratchett.
Oh, you have a dungeon with monsters and adventurers? How does it work? Who pays? How do you get enough supplies? People will eat anything when hungry; do they eat the monsters? People will cook feasts from rotten meat and weeds; what feasts can you make with monsters?
By the way, here is a terrible pun about soup.
You want heroes to have peril, but also to live? Easy! Just have a ressurection spell. Well how does it work? What's the point? What would people give to live forever? What would people give to die?
Here's a dwarf whose magical shield is a wok.
And if they come back, it still hurts right? Do people remember? What happens if they forget that, outside of the dungeon, they can't come back? What if the thing that brings them back also ties them to the dungeon more and more, changes them, makes them different without knowing why.
Whilst you were thinking about that, the halfling founded an adventurers guild. It's an actual union with dues etc. btw he's a deadbeat dad apart from this.
The dwarf from earlier carries familial trauma that will haunt you for the next decade. The protagonist holds his sister's skull as the first proof that there is anything left of her. The two female leads share a love so deep that giving it a name would pollute it. The protagonist's sword is a mollusc.
20K notes · View notes
Text
My whole body hurts and I haven't been hungry in weeks but very drowsy. I want to complain but if i complain infront of people I know, I've exposed weakness and bad conduct
Aaaaaa so dead
0 notes
what-even-is-thiss · 4 months
Text
As an omnivore who likes vegan and vegetarian cooking I think the mistake a lot of people make when trying to convince meat eaters to go plant based is trying to convince them that something you’ve got will replace meat for them.
I like vegan nuggets and real chicken nuggets for different reasons. They taste different. They only taste identical to you because you haven’t eaten meat for five years.
When cooking for myself I only eat meat maybe like three times a week because vegetarian cooking is often cheaper and it tastes good.
Like just give people the actual recipes you use that aren’t pasta. Every time you ask what to eat on a meatless day people are like. Pasta. I don’t want pasta every day.
Point out the foods people already eat that are vegetarian. Like sweet potato fries, veggie chow mein, grilled mushrooms, mashed potatoes, black bean enchiladas, peanut butter sandwiches. Tell people what you microwave when you’re drunk at 3am. Show people that vegetables are so good they’ll want them in their diet.
Also some people are just never gonna go vegan. They’re just not. I’m certainly not, and I love vegan food. But since I’ve fallen in love with vegetarian cooking I eat meat much less and I’m much more careful about picking the meat I do eat. Doesn’t that align with a lot of your goals?
Impossible burger doesn’t taste like meat. But you know what tastes really good? A mushroom fajita taco. Falafel. Potato pancakes with applesauce. Smoky vegan collared greens. Hot potato salad with herbs. Palak paneer with rice. Tofu Pad Thai with extra peanuts. Some of my favorite foods of all time, and I’m a dirty rotten meat eater. Use THAT to get your foot in the door. And be more accepting of some half-assed victories. I’m on your side for the most part, believe it or not. But stop trying to claim certain things are just like meat. You and I both know you don’t plan most of your weeknight dinners around meat substitutes.
18K notes · View notes
thexsilentxwordsmith · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader
Simon desperately eating you out after a rough day.
***
The door slammed shut, making you jump and bump against the edge of the counter that you stood at before the sink, finishing up a few stray dishes that had been left from the night before. You turned to see Simon standing there in the doorway, stiff as a goddamn board with only his eyes clocking the room to find you and locking on to your form like a beast ready to pounce.
"Pants off...now," he demanded, his voice metered and firm as he removed the mask covering his features.
"Well, hello to you too," you chuckled as you crossed your arms over your chest, but he was not in a picking mood. "What's up?"
He took a calming breath; it wasn't your fault his mood had been soured today and he didn't need to upset the only person that could turn this all around. "It's been a fuckin' day, luv. Need something to take the edge off before I send someone to the goddamn morgue. So, again, pants off…please."
This wasn't the first time you'd encountered this specific Simon before; his short, gruff sentences were an obvious indication that he has had an absolutely rotten fucking day and was completely over it already. And because this wasn't your first time you knew what he wanted…
…what he needed to let all that stress go.
Slowly you undid the button of your pants, pulling down the zipper before slipping your hands inside the waistband and sliding your jeans down off your legs. Once you removed them from around your ankles you tossed them to the side and stood there in your panties and tank top, waiting for him to give you your next instruction. Like a flash he moved in and was now on top of you, enveloping you entirely with his hulking form as it fit against your curves until your backside was being indented by the edge of the countertop.
Hot, hungry lips scrambled to aggressively connect with your own, fighting for dominance as the back and forth of the dance continued with each passing second. He let himself go to become consumed by you, unable to find a pause to take a breath as he all but devoured you whole until there was nothing left in his mind but you.
Those large hands with their thick, rough digits pawed desperately at the warm, soft skin of your bare hips, grasping as much meat between them that they could hold. All those curves, all the smooth, voluptuous flesh ready to be caressed, it was enough to drive him insane; how fucking lucky he was to have it all at his disposal now to help cure his bad day?
God you were a fucking feast and he was starving.
The connection between your lips was broken sloppily and with haste, a sting of spittle connecting your lips sparkling in the light as he pulled away. Simon hurriedly grabbed the hem of your tank top and ripped it up and over your head, letting your breasts drop and jiggle with the reverb as they were set from their cage.
"Fuck," he groaned under his breath with a sharp inhale through his teeth as he latched those lips back on to your own. "That's a sight that could do me in."
On the move he leaned his tall head lower as those raw lips began to explore further down along the curve of your neck, the line of your shoulder, and finally coming to those beautiful breasts which he immediately sucked into his mouth. The suction was intense as he used the very tip of his tongue to circle those perky rosebuds until he felt them stiffen against the roof of his mouth and your body twitch from the tingly feeling it gave off that shot up your spine.
Whatever you were doing before this felt like a distant memory as his attention grew your arousal so that your body responded in kind to him just the way he wanted. He switched sides on your chest, not wanting the first breasts twin on the other side to get left out. Simon only moved on after your hips began to grind against the bulge growing at the front of his pants.
His lips continued down the line of your body as he knelt to the ground before you, ready to put everything into worshiping that sweet pussy he loved so goddamn much. Over your sternum and stomach all the way down to your pelvis his lips caressed until they reached a roadblock covering those last few inches to his destination. That was quickly dealt with as his fingers wrapped around the waistband of your panties to slide them down your thighs, letting his lips keep going all the way to the mound of your sex; only then did he pause.
"Spread," he demanded again as his hands tapped at your inner thighs, his message being short and sweet and to the point. "I'm fuckin' endin' this day on a high note. I'm not stopping' till I'm on the goddamn verge of death by suffocation, so don't ya even try to move, luv."
You widened your stance with the guidance of his hands until there was enough space to allow his face to fit between them. Hands back on your hips, holding them as handlebars so that he could incline his face against your cunt he dove in.
Your petals were so warm, so silky, and it felt good on his mouth as he kissed that other lovely set of lips a few times, sighing as he was finally able to relax in his favorite place.
"Here we go, baby," Simon breathed into you as he extended his tongue and drug it over the slit between your legs until he had split you open, rubbing the muscle through the small accumulation of your juices to coat his tongue.
Goddamn were you sweet tonight. "Mmmm mmmm," his deep, garbled hum vibrated deliciously on your clit as the taste of you filled Simon's mouth and tingled on his taste buds.
…And then he began to move the pad of his tongue…
Over and over his tongue engaged your core. "Fuck, Simon," his name fell from your lips as his tongue began to make you writhe against his face.
"Again," he said in that gruff growl as he pulled from your for only a second.
You knew exactly what he meant for you to do. "Simon," his name was beautifully moaned from you once more as he focused all his efforts on that small bead of nerve endings at the top innermost part of your cunt.
The sound of your soft, breathy voice calling out to him made the previously enraged Lieutenant fucking crack at the seams and any trace of that rage-inducing day was suddenly completely gone; replaced by a fire to make good on his promise to desperately lap at you for as long as it took until his skin was infused with your scent and he was fully satisfied.
He moved up even tighter against your core, locking on so that even as you bucked there was no chance he would fall off until he was good and fucking ready to let you go. Shit he was pushing you to the limit of what you could take, your body aching wildly as his strike hit precise and deliberate every time until you were right at the cusp of your pleasure. God, his pace was relentless.
Overwhelmed with the intense gathering of warmth in your belly, your toes began to curl together over top of the floor as you scrambled to keep your breathing steady through the growing euphoria. How were you supposed to force yourself to intake air when all your functioning had been redirected straight to that pleasure sensor in your brain?
That thought had little time to gain traction as that feeling of impending pleasure had reached its peak.
Suddenly you were spilling violently, crying out as you tried to move him from you, but Simon was in this till the end. He kept at it until you had ridden it out to completion and finally settled, your heavy panting becoming softer and more drawn out.
You thought that that was it; the finale had been reached and all was good right? You could not have been more wrong. A wet flash of a smirk crossed his lips as he stood back up before you.
Without even a verbal warning his hands were suddenly digging into your sides as he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, carrying you out of the kitchen and into the bedroom where he sat you on the surface of the bed. Reaching with one of his hands over his shoulders he gripped the fabric of his shirt in his grasp and pulled until it came off over the top of his head, throwing the useless article to the floor before stalking towards the bed.
"On ya knees baby," he grunted as he hurriedly laid down on his back beside you further up towards the head of the bed. "Over my face. Now."
Simon pulled at your arm until you moved, his need to be smothered between your thighs causing him to rush. Grabbing on to the headboard for leverage you knelt over his head.
Your petals glistened with the sticky cum and saliva mixture he had just created as he ate his first course, but there was still plenty to get lost in and he was more than ready to dive back into it.
Greedy hands rubbed up and down the smooth skin of your thighs. "Sit," he commanded and you bent your legs until you were just above his nose, but that wasn't good enough; he didn't need you being gentle, he needed you to give him what he wanted - to let him drown in you.
"No hoverin', I said sit," he hissed as he quickly moved his hands to your hips and wrenched them down so that you had no choice but to lower yourself until your pussy was completely flush against his face like a chair.
His breath hitched not just from the instant lack of available oxygen, but because the feeling of being completely enveloped by your pussy was akin to being high; he was on cloud fucking nine just suffocating against you.
The headboard thumped against the wall from your arms shaking as full contact was made again along your core after just having come. The tears stung your eyes, your over-stimulated clit so sensitive it almost hurt. His grip on your hips didn't let up, keeping the pressure tight so that there was no chance of escape, even though you wriggled in search to ease up a little.
There was still some fight left in you; that simply wouldn't fucking do as it meant he hadn't finished the job and he was anything but thorough. Simon needed you completely spent and too exhausted to even move a goddamn inch.
"I-I can't…I can't," you pleaded with him as you squirmed over top of his stark features like anything you said would persuade him to give up.
You could hear his voice in your head, you knew what he'd say if he could talk at that moment. "Oh yes you can sweetheart. You're gonna fuckin' take it all for me."
I mean look at that big boy, he could eat and that meant all types of meals, you included most of all.
As if a nonverbal response to your mewling, his tongue picked up in speed, stroking wildly against your clit with reckless abandonment. Your fingernails were digging into the wood of the headboard, thighs vibrating against Simon's ears as each movement of that deadly appendage brought you closer and closer to your second harsh release.
"Bastard," you whined.
He gave your hips a hard squeeze. Call me what you like baby, he thought, you're still gonna fuckin' come as many times as I want.
So warm, so wet, so soft, gasping for air... He was in heaven.
Unconsciously your hips began rocking along with the thrusts of his tongue, riding him just as he worked and that familiar feeling in your stomach returned. Seconds passed…or was it minutes? Hours? Time seemed to pass differently when he was eating you out.
All of a sudden you stopped rocking, pressing your pussy as hard as you could against his face, and with a few more hard strokes you cried out as you came violently, slamming into the headboard as your thighs clamped down around Simon's ears.
"S-s-shit…" you whimpered as you ground out the last drop of your ecstasy until Simon tapped your thigh to be set free.
Legs shaking, chest heaving, eyes glazed over, cheeks flushed bright red, you fell down on the bed beside him, unable to move a muscle save for your head. Turning your face towards him you were met with a very happy and content man gazing back at you with those fiery auburn eyes, face absolutely drenched from eyebrows to chin in a thin layer of your cum.
He reached out to you, his palm cupping over the entirety of your cheek. "You did so fuckin' good for me sweetheart," he praised, thumb rubbing over the supple skin there. "So fuckin' good that I think ya deserve a break…but I don't think I'm finished quite yet."
"Oh?" you questioned back through heavy breaths, eyes wide. More?
He chuckled in that deep vibrato as he rolled over to kiss your forehead. "Well… ya see… it was a really fuckin' bad day."
You hadn't planned on dying today, but if Simon got his way he would be setting up your funeral later tonight, but there were worse ways to go…right?
16K notes · View notes
puzzled-pegasus · 2 months
Text
Here's some silly little metaphors that I think the dragon tribes would use
SkyWings
“Don’t count your clutch before they hatch.” (Don't plan too much too soon)
“Gold is better than silver, but silver is better than nothing.” (If you can't do it perfectly, still try your best. Most dragons forget the second part.)
“‘Sorry’ can't suck the fire back in.” (The damage is done and now you're dead to me.)
“You been eating too much burnt meat or something?” (Are you nuts?)
“Stop all this smoke and use your fire.” (Stop rambling and get to the point already; or stop complaining and do something)
“Doesn't know his tail from his wings.” (Stupid or clumsy)
“You fly like a depressed pigeon.” (Slow flier)
“There's no fire in a rainstorm.” (Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get to work.)
“Nighttime is for the NightWings.” (What are you doing up? Go to sleep.)
SandWings
“She’s all rattle, and no strike.” (Like all bark no bite)
“A diamond in a pile of quartz.” (Like a needle in a haystack)
“You’re watering the cactus and ignoring the sapling.” (You’re focusing on the wrong thing; barking up the wrong tree)
“Everyone thinks the camel looks silly until the dry season comes.” (Don't listen to them, they don't know how unique and strong you are)
MudWings
“Crocodile tears.” (Fake crying in order to gain sympathy)
“You can only catch a trout if your mouth is open.” (Be open to new experiences)
“If the tree gives away too much, it ends up as a stump.” (Don't let people take advantage of your generosity)
SeaWings
“Happy as a clam in high water.” (Very happy)
“The flying fish feels like a fool when it sees an osprey.” (Don't compare yourself to others, run your own race.)
“Plenty of fish in the sea.” (Plenty more opportunities to come.)
“You’ve got ink in your eyes.” (You're blind to something important)
“Lobsters only die when they don't leave their shell.” (Keep yourself busy with new experiences and you'll life a long life)
NightWings
“Sleep is for the dead.” (Why waste your time sleeping when you could be productive)
“SeaWings know their fish and SandWings know their cactuses, but we NightWings know everything else.”(NightWing supremacy propaganda)
“Being nice to a deer never got one in my mouth.” (Other dragons don't matter, only your goals.)
“A prophecy always comes true.” (I told you so but more cryptic)
"You're counting the stars." (You're doing something tedious towards an unachievable goal)
RainWings
“Gray’s her favorite color.” (She's a huge bummer)
“A lemon is yellow on the outside, doesn't mean they're not sour.” (Referring to someone who is two faced or fake)
“I love honey, but I’d rather not get stung by the bees.” (I could do this, but it requires effort so I don't wanna)
“Nobody likes a rotten banana.” (Nobody likes a bummer/downer)
“Don't tie your tail in a knot” (don't get all upset)
“I have all my berries in a basket” (I have everything sorted out)
“You couldn't sneak up on a pineapple” (insult to one's camouflage skills, popular among children)
IceWings
“The seal who asks why the orca is chasing him is the first to get eaten.” (A favorite of parents telling their kids to shut up)
“Not the sharpest icicle on the roof” (kinda stupid or slow)
“Clear as polished ice” (i understand or see it very well)
“You're looking a little pink in the face” (you look sickly. IceWings can turn pink from eating too much krill; a symptom of malnutrition. This line can be applied to any illness.)
“Blue blood kills, red blood spills.” (Patriotic propaganda implying that IceWings win every fight
“The SkyWings toss their blue eyed hatchlings because they're worried they'll be as strong as an IceWing.” (More propaganda)
HiveWings
“Pretty is for the SilkWings.” (Vanity is stupid and impractical)
“If it buzzes like a bug and bites like a bug, it's a bug.” (Don't ignore the obvious)
“Clearsight works in mysterious ways.” (I don't know the answer to your question, now go away)
SilkWings
“It's not always good to know how the honey gets made.” (Don't stick your snout where it doesn't belong)
“She's got a couple of threads loose.” (Calling someone a little crazy, threads refers to weaving)
“The bee minds its flowers and the spider minds her silk, it's when they mix that bad things happen.” (Mind ya business)
LeafWings
“Flytraps only trap because the soil doesn't feed them.” (Dragons don't get angry out of nowhere)
“Looking like a leaf only hides you in the forest.” (Time and place)
“If a branch doesn't bend, it breaks.” (Be flexible)
“Even the corpse flower attracts the flies.” (Even someone who seems ugly to one dragon they can seem irresistible to another)
1K notes · View notes
deadghosy · 2 months
Text
HAZBIN HOTEL X CAELUS! READER
prompt: you were found digging in their trash and they took you in
(I got covid😭 so me posting xreader will be kinda slow)
Tumblr media
You were digging for some food ever since you fell from heaven because you kept fighting people over trash…I mean damn reader…
You fell with a blank look as you had a rotten banana in your mouth as you looked down to see pentagram city…so what did you do? You pulled out your fire sword and slash the ground to soften your fall which worked. You changed it to a bat for protection as you found a dumpster!
CHA-CHING✨ MORE TRASHHHH
You dig in the dumpster not hearing a person whistling. The person dropped the garbage bag shocked to see a….? Whatever you are digging in the dumpster. Your face was completely dirty as you lift it up to show you found a cool old watch.
Charlie didn’t know what to do. Are you homeless? Is what she thought as she takes you out the garbage as you blankly stare at her “•_•” “uhm sweetie are you okay?” “……” “not much of a talker huh…” you just stayed quiet as Charlie introduced herself and shook your hand bringing you to the hotel so you can have a place to stay.
I feel like you were a new angel and only stayed for like 1 month…(free trial ass shit…) and so when you didn’t act holy and proper. That’s why you mostly got kicked out
Vaggie will know you are an angel because of your angelic look and golden eyes as you just stand there minding your business. You tell her you fell because you fought over your treasure….your trash practically. So Vaggie tells you what happened to her and you hugged her making her feel safe about herself a bit.
You two have matching bracelets you made from an exercise Charlie did.
Okay I headcannon that Lucifer is already in the hotel living with his daughter. And he felt your presence and he would be like. “Fuck are you doing here”🤨 “I fought for my life.”
Vox one time put you on air with him because of your golden shining eyes….i think he was flirting with you as you ate some gift cookies he made for you…
Velvette tried to make you a model, but you kept wandering off somehow. Literally she got tired of you but never of your face as she at least posted you wearing some nice 2000 makeup
Carmilla had a gut feeling about you being an angel. She wanted to kill you but then you gave her a ring you found in a dumpster because you said she reminded you of your earth mother/parent. Yeah she wanted to adopt you
You help sir Pentious, or who you call penny for his project builds. You dig in dumpster’s, trash bins, and garbage dumps
Angel dust and you sometimes just be on your phones all the time which is obnoxious. But hey, I don’t make the rules. Being on your phone makes it seem like you don’t want to be talked to which is true.
Lucifer made you a duck as he notciced how lonely you are….(you don’t give a fuck, you only need trash as your friends) so Lucifer made you 20 ducks that are based on your favorite things or like idk just ducks
The egg boiz follow you around as you literally calling you the, “TRASH BOSS!” Not in a bad way more like in admiration as you give them stuff from the garbage.
Your golden eyes shining in the night scaring husk as he didn’t even see you in his hind sight. Like he is a cat, but he didn’t even see you?!
You and alastor’s both eat weird things, like he is a cannibal….and for you..either trash or just normal weird food combos
Alastor would definitely try to get you to eat cannibal meat, but to be honest you can tell the difference between human and regular meat. You always know.
Niffty is the kind of person who would give you a trash flower crown, kinda like how she made a crown for Alastor ✨🦆
I headcannon your angelic/demon form to be a raccoon 💀
You send dumbass memes in the hazbin hotel gc…
You are quite the feral person tbh, but who didn’t know when you literally fought people for your damn trash.
You definitely had bit Valentino once as Angel dust brought you to a club and you were digging in trash to find something cool. But Valentino found you adorable in the face and wanted to make you a sex worker. And what did you do when he tried to hurt Angel?
YOU BIT HIS FUCKIN HAND ALMOST OFF AS ANGEL WAS TRYING TO PULL YOU OFF😭
Yeah..you definitely had blood dripping from your mouth when Angel dragged you out of the club
704 notes · View notes
turtlesandfrogs · 3 months
Text
Ok, now I'm really concerned that how to prevent rats isn't common knowledge like I thought it was. So, to anyone whose parents/guardians/adults didn't teach you, here's the basics of prevention*:
Rats, like you, need three things: food, water, and shelter. If they don't get these things, they don't bother sticking around. Access to food is probably the biggest draw, and the one you can do the most about.
Rats eat the same foods you do, and the same food that most pets eat. You don't want them to have access to this food, so:
Don't leave dirty dishes laying around, the smell will attract rats. Don't put leave dirty dishes in your bed room, or under the couch, or in your car, or whatever. Dishwashers are great, but if you don't have a functional one, and you're low on energy/executive function, at a minimum cover your dirty dishes with soapy water instead of leaving them out. Rats can't eat soapy food.
Work to minimize food waste, because the smell of tasty food in your compost or garbage will attract rats.
Don't put food scraps in your indoor garbage unless your garbage can is rat proof. Take it outside asap, to a rat-proof bin.
When composting, if you're composting food that would be attractive to rats (grains, fats/oils, dairy, meat) it's best to: bury the food down in the center of the pile, try out bokashi composting, or have a rat-proof composter. Generally people do tell you not to compost dairy and meat, but I do know that some people do it anyway.
Keep your grains & legumes in rodent proof-containers. Glass jars, metal trash cans, etc.
If you have dogs, put their food away at night. If you have birds or other animals that eat a seed-based diet, then it pays to make their food/enclosures inaccessible to rats as well. Cats are rat deterrents so leaving dry food out for them is probably the one exception.
Clean up spilled foods immediately.
If you have fruit trees (like those apple trees everyone has that were planted 3 or more decades ago) and notice that something besides a deer is eating them, it's really best to pick all the fruit. You probably can't eat it all, so giving it away is a good option. Compost the rotten/icky ones fallowing the advice above, or dig a hole and do some trench composting.
Rats also need water, which is another reason to make sure you don't have any leaks anywhere, and to not leave beverages out in open containers.
Beyond that, thoroughly looking around your house, inside and out, to make sure there's no access points. Vents can be covered with wire mesh, holes the size of a dime need to be patched (because mice exist, too). Keep vegetation clear from around the base of your house, and make sure there's no trees or shrubs growing close enough to your house that a rat could make the leap to your roof. Keep an eye out for tunnels near your house's foundation, because they will tunnel underneath.
Also, while I'm at it, for the love of your house's structural integrity, DO NOT store wood piles against your house. Termites people!!!
And yes, there's a reason why cats are such a common pet. Not only do they hunt rats, the very smell of a cat is enough to deter rats. Do not just get a cat for rat prevention though, only get a cat if you're going to provide it a good home and are able to take on the additional care tasks without over extending yourself. Getting a housemate that comes with a cat is a great alternative to getting your own cat (and I'm only halfway joking).
*because prevention is much easier and much less terrible than dealing with an infestation. Prevention is so, so, so much easier than getting rid of them, particularly because once they're there, they'll start eating other things that wouldn't have been enough by themselves to draw them in.
464 notes · View notes
thegnomelord · 4 months
Note
With all these M!reader courting (and practically rizzing up everyone) in their own hybrid way, imagine poor Ghost, he's like toothless, doesn't know how tf to court someone of say, even his own species because he was once human
And with that rant about all the absurd ways of courting, what would he call as his own?
Would he give gifts like Gaz and Price? A piece to remember them by?
I doubt he'd be the physical type like cuddly ol soap who loves to scent,
He's practically a shadow (literally and figuratively) and I feel like the best he can do is stare and slowly blink like a cat (and let's be honest most of the time we don't see his eye) so he might even just act like a stalker and watch from afar, not much of a scent even on him if he's near, even when in the midst of battle
So what can he do then? I feel like going to Price is his best bet and when he tries to scent something like Soap it smells like nothing
I feel like he'd beat himself up on it
(Also fucking love your courting works, I've been eating that shit up its become a hyperfixation)
- ☕️ Anon
I reckon that staring would be less of a wraith thing and more of a Simon thing. Because like, wraiths don't reproduce, they're made not born. So poor Simon just has to try to use the knowledge he had before he died.
CW:NSFW subbot ghost, topdom reader, rough and quick
He likes you.
Just like he's a Riley, just like the sky is blue, his affection for you is one of the few truths of the world he doesn't question. Only problem — he doesn't know how to tell you. You're not human and neither is he, not anymore, but he's woefully unprepared when it comes to you, doesn't know if he's supposed to go about it as a wraith or as a man.
He tries; Simon's phone is full of open tabs containing every piece of information about your species, trying to find grains of truth in the contradicting mess of words. He's memorized how you like your morning coffee down to the last flake of sugar, watching your face carefully when you trudge to the communal kitchen to find your mug steaming and everything laid out near it. He knows your schedule inside out, always a few minutes earlier in the gym when you come in, offering to spot you, his dark eyes roaming over your sweat covered skin. His gaze is always flickering to you, regardless of what you're doing or where you are — watching, guarding, making sure the world doesn't take away that spark like it did with Simon Riley.
But you fail to notice it, him. Or maybe you do but don't care. Don't see him as anything but your teammate, like you should, like he should. God, what is he even doing trying to fucking woo you like some lovestruck Victorian gent. . .
Simon feels like banging his head against the wall.
Maybe then something in his imperceptibly rotten skull will come loose, tumble around in what's left of his brain like a snowball rolling down a hill to form an avalanche, or at least a vestige of a good thought; an idea, something he could use to get out of this rut.
He doesn't go to Price for advice. The old dragon finds him, knows him long enough to figure out when Simon's up to his throat in shite. Price sits down next to him as they watch you and Gaz spar, "Alright, spit it out." Price hums as he lights his cigar.
Simon's lips form a thin line beneath his mask, his fingers gripping the meat of his arm to keep his form stable. His eyes don't stray from you, cataloging every trail of sweat as it rolls down your skin, watching your muscles flex beneath your skin as you throw a punch, making a mental note to show you the mistakes you make in private and—
His shoulders fall, "'m fucked." The words escape him like he'd been punched in the gut.
Price gives him the side eye, looking him up and down. "Doesn't look like you enjoyed it."
"Hah." Simon says in a dry tone. "Always a comedian captain."
Price chuckles, wing spreading out to bump against his shoulder. "Jokes aside," he lets out a small puff of smoke, "You could just tell 'im."
Simon's eyes narrow, "What, not going to suggest I go find some obscure shite ta gift him?" If he could find some concrete information about your species courting habits he would have done so by now, would have happily torn up Heaven and Hell looking for whatever would make you look at him the same way Price looks at Kyle.
"No," Price rolls his eyes, standing up and stretching. "Just go talk to 'im you bloody muppet, going to creep him out if you keep staring like that." He nods his head towards you.
Simon's head is a dark sea of thoughts as he spars with you, tries to make it seem like nothing's wrong but you catch on quick; he's distracted, falling for moves he'd once chastised you for pulling, the edges of his form crackling like the static of a tv, shadowy smoke rising from his blackened arms as he throws a punch that goes wide.
He grunts as you knock him to the ground, your hands on his shoulders to pin him down. "You alright?" You ask, your brows furrowed. "You're not fighting like you usually do."
You can barely see his dark eyes narrow, his body still beneath yours. "I'm fine." He growls out, tries to ignore how the warmth of your body against his makes him feel, nibbling on his nerves like a craving for a drug he can't have.
"Uhuh," You hum, a little confused why he's letting you pin him down so long. "Come on Ghost, you're not getting soft on me are you?" With a huff you attempt to pull away, knowing you couldn't force words out of his mouth.
The sudden lack of your warmth is what forces his body to move before his mind does, shadows shooting out to grab you before congealing back into his arm, pulling you down so his lips can crash on yours.
You grunt into his mouth from the surprise, your eyes wide with surprise. Simon's frozen heart cracks just a bit when you don't respond, only to melt when you finally kiss him back. Your lips feel like heaven against his, Simon's eyes shutting and long tongue slipping into your mouth.
You choke a bit, pulling back to catch your breath, your eyes widening as Simon's long tongue slips back into his mouth. "Fucking hell Simon." You pant,
"Got a whole bag of tricks." Simon says, his throat dry. "I-" He begins to say, thoughts running on how to tell you he wants you but no words coming out, something clogging his throat like molasses.
"Yeah," You grin, the lights overhead casting a halo around your head. "I know." Tipping your head down you catch his lips again, your kiss deep and rough, Simon's teeth digging into your lip until it bleeds, your sharp fangs nipping his tongue, blood mixing in your mouths, arousal starting to course through your veins.
Simon's hands grope your ass, pulling your crotch down on his so your cocks can rub together. Simon greedily swallows your groan, his arms starting to fizzle, shadowy smoke wrapping around you to keep you close as his hand sneaks down to undo your belts, fishing out your cocks.
"Christ," You groan and pant into his mouth, grabbing hold of both of your cocks and rocking your hips into his, pleasure buzzing up your spine.
"Don't bring 'im in here." Simon growls and throws an arm around your neck, demanding your attention with a kiss, longue tongue pushing half way down your throat and hips bucking up to rub his cock against yours. "Just us here."
You moan against his lips and fuck, if that isn't the prettiest sound he's ever heard, his mind clouding over with pleasure and before either one of you knows it Simon's cumming, pulling you down with him, your combined cum painting both of your stomachs.
It takes a few moments for Simon to catch his breath, his pupils blows wide as he stares up at you. "Shite." He breathes out, boneless beneath you.
You grin, "You can say that again." and you lean down to kiss him again.
912 notes · View notes
Text
Taco Tuesday: Hazbin Hotel
Angel: (busts into the hotel with five bags of Taco Hell) Bitches, prepare your guts! It's Taco Tuesday!
Husker: Motherfucker, it's fuckin' Thursday.
Angel: To-may-to, po-tay-to, you gonna help me demolish $100 hellbucks worth of bad fast food Mexican or not?
Husker: .......Put me in.
Angel: (tosses bag to Husk) Here, go!
Cherri: I'm all in, dickhead! Toss me a bag!
Angel: (tosses another bag to Cherri) Here ya go!
Charlie: I'll have one or two if you're offering. I've never had Taco Hell before.
Angel: (throws three individual tacos to Charlie) Head's up!
Charlie: Ah! Ouph! (fumbling the tacos) Shit! I got 'em!
Angel: Al, ya in or what?
Alastor: You wouldn't catch me double dead eating that garbage.
Angel: What? You can eat rotten deer, but Taco Hell is too gross for ya? Hmph! (drops a bag in Vaggie's lap) Here ya go, Vags.
Vaggie: Wow, way to just assume I would want my own bag. Is that you being sexist or racist?
Angel: Realist. I've seen you demolish a whole pot of taco meat during monthly taco nights here when you think no one's lookin'.
Vaggie: And I fully intend to obliterate this bag, which doesn't change my initial statement. (unwraps a taco and practically inhales it)
Angel: Yeah, that's what I thought. Big Daddy Luci want in?
Charlie: (slowly eating her first taco and shakes her head) Mm-mm. Dad doesn't do well with spices or hispanic cuisine in general.... or fast food....
Angel: Alright, well, we got a spare bag for anyone who wants more. (digs into his own bag)
Husker: (unwraps a taco and tilts his head left and right to figure out how he wants to eat) Hmmmm.... When you guys eat a taco, do you tilt your head left or right?
Vaggie: (already halfway through her bag) Neither, the thighs typically keep my head firmly in place.
-Record Screech-
Hazbins: (absolutely shocked)
Charlie: (beet red and horns out as she hides behind a taco wrapper)
Vaggie: .......I said that out loud, didn't I?
Angel: Yeah, you did! Hahahahahahaha!!! Playing up that stereotype, ain'tcha, bitch?! This is almost as good as Selma Hayek playing the lesbian taco in "Sausage Party"!!!
279 notes · View notes
novalizinpeace · 3 months
Note
In the season of love I’m curious to know, how the other critters show their love?
We have already seen that Callem kind of shows his affection through physical touch, more specifically caring for the others hair (Braiding Albas mane, and brushing Nell’s fur).
But what do the others do or what kind of affection is most affected for them to be shown they are loved?
this question is simple, 'cause you can divide the gang in two groups
Tumblr media
the ''touchy'' groups are the first to go hug someone after thinking they we're in danger, the first to jump over you to play fight, the ones that don't think it twice when someone wants cuddles. As you said, Callem specific way of show this if with grooming others, while with Amara she like to cuddles, her favorite cuddle buddies been Mommy and Bebe.
Tumblr media
and Alba tend to be really physical with anyone that she knows it good with it, most of the time without noticing it.
Tumblr media
on the other side with the ''no touchy'' ones, each of them have their way to show feelings. Charlie for example likes to write, a lot, and he like to let others knows he's listening when they speak to him, so he show them in a... big way.
Tumblr media
(the kicker here, he doesn't even like the cartoon, but took the time to watch it and writte 43 different fanfics to keep them happy for a while)
On the other side, Nico likes to show and give new things to others, specially those things that she find resemble more the one she's giving it. Alba is the number #1 fan of her collection.
Tumblr media
Samina isn't really a big show off of affection, but the way you can see she cares is when she take care's of the heretic's food: Even when using ingredients like rotten meat, dead rats, mushroom, mold and expired food in general, she likes to make a good presentation when is food time, she had even cook the roaches for Nico and Callem to prevent them from eating them raw. She may not be a good hugger or a good speaker, but she put her heart in her food.
Tumblr media
Now, Nell is in the middle 'cause he doesn't like physical affection due traumas (both in his pastlife and in his actual life), but had become comfortable enough with some in the gangs to allow it (like Callem's hugs). But about how he show his feelings...
He don't, that his big problem: any time someone try to become closer with him, he back off, he hide, he run, something in his mind prevent him from go deeper in a relationship, telling him that they all can dissapear in any moment or that he could mess everything up and fail them, make him retreat and even become aggresive if someone try to force a social situation on him, and the only reason the gang still see him as their friends is because they know he's like that and isn't doing it on purpose, they know he actually care for all of them, so they don't force him, that's also why Callem isn't honest with his feeling or try to take the inniciative, 'cause he doesn't want to force Nell in any way and end up with a friend hiding from him.
But at this point in his life, even he's tired of it.
Tumblr media
365 notes · View notes
iamasaddie · 10 months
Text
Tumblr media
some rotten man
paring: dark!Joel x f!Reader rating: explicit (18+ minors DNI) word count: 1,2k~ summary: you really never thought you'd need this type of training. a/n: I'm all flavors of fucked up and so is Joel, make sure you check out the warnings before you proceed with reading! Special thanks to the literal love of my life, my emotional support human and beta @bearsbeetsbeskar <;3 warnings: dead dove do not eat; PWP (for real, no plot at all); implied non-con; explicit sexual content; rough oral sex (m receiving); degradation; spitting; face slapping (barely); no use of y/n ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴡᴏ��ᴋ ᴏꜰ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴅᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴅᴇꜱᴄʀɪʙᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ɪʀʟ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ, ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏꜰ ʜᴇᴀʟɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇꜱꜱɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴀᴜᴍᴀ ꜰᴏʀ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ᴅɪᴄᴛᴀᴛᴇ ᴏʀ ᴘᴏʟɪᴄᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʏᴘᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴄʜᴏᴏꜱᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏɴꜱᴜᴍᴇ. ꜱᴛᴀʏ ꜱᴀꜰᴇ, ᴘʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴇ ᴄᴏɴꜱᴇɴꜱᴜᴀʟ ꜱᴇx ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴘʀᴇᴀᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
"Now, my little slut, you're going to open that fucking mouth of yours and I'm going to fuck it until you're so full that my cum gushes out of it. Do you understand me?"
You trembled under the man's towering figure, his bloodied hand gripping your hair so tight that tears started welling up in your red eyes.
"I can't fuckin' hear you, baby girl."
"Ye- yes." You stuttered out and nodded, but didn't do anything else to show your consent.
“Well then what are you waiting for, darlin'? Stick that bratty tongue of yours out."
You opened your mouth, following his command. A deep inhale made your throat dry, but when you saw him pulling his cock out your throat became sandpaper. Joel’s cock was massive even with his height and broad frame. It was big to the point that even under different circumstances you'd find it terrifying. The head was deep dusty pink, slit glistening with beads of precum. He was thick, veins covering the shaft made it look even bigger and more intimidating. You tried to swallow with your tongue still licking air, but your throat just contracted, walls sticking to each other unpleasantly.
"You look hungry, little one,” Joel barked a laugh, “let me help you with that.”
He slapped his dick on your tongue, letting you feel the weight of it, before leaning back and furrowing his brows. Joel looked at you, your pathetic position sent shivers down his spine. There was just this one little thing… Before you could even brace yourself, you felt before seeing him spitting directly onto your tongue, and then putting his cock back where he thought it belonged. “Oh, yeah,” he almost sang with pleasure, “that’s better, isn't it?”
You just stayed still, getting used to the foreign weight in your mouth, the meat of his cock filling you completely even though you saw he wasn't halfway in. His hips rocked violently, the tip hitting the back of your throat and he threw his head back. His moan would be deafening if it didn't drown in the sound of you gagging and coughing. You knew that if you'd had anything to eat in the last few days it'd be already all over him. Reflexively, you pushed back as far as you could with your hands tied behind your back. One second his cock fell out of your mouth, and the next a loud slap and a burning sensation on your left cheek made tears spring out of your eyes.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing, hm?” Joel grabbed your cheeks painfully squeezing them between his fingers and yanked you back so hard that your face met his crotch. “Stupid fucking slut," his hand twisted in your hair, roping it around his fist. “We're just getting started.” 
You didn't know if he was offended or excited by your physical reaction, but the next time he snapped his cock into your mouth he went even rougher, keeping you tightly pressed even when you started coughing and suffocating on it.
"You either control your breath or you're gonna die on my fat cock, baby.”
His tone was playful, but by the way he gripped your head you knew he was dead serious. You tried to calculate his rhythm and the intensity of his thrusts to get a small window of opportunity to get some air into your lungs even if the air you breathed was filling you with the man just as much. The heavy odor of his musk and a salty hint of sweat.
With each movement of his hips he filled you a little bit more, you were almost grateful to him for not trying to squeeze his whole dick into your throat in one thrust. You didn't know if minutes passed, or hours, the only thing you felt was the overwhelming thickness of his cock in your throat and the pulsating sensation when he stayed inside it for a moment too long. He moaned, enjoying the feeling of your throat contracting around his aching shaft, trying to violently push it out when he forced it to stay in place. 
"Fuck, little one, I might just stay in your throat forever.” He whispered harshly, and it felt like his grip on your head became almost gentle as he let go of your hair and scratched the back of your skull with blunt fingernails.
By the time he pulled his cock out of your mouth you thought this was never going to end. You felt your throat burning, saliva dripping from the corners of your mouth as you tried to catch your breath, tears streamed down your cheeks in an uncontrollable stream. 
"Not bad for a first, hm, baby?" 
You couldn't answer, vocal chords betraying you, but Joel wasn't one to talk into the void. Once again he grabbed you by the hair, yanking it so hard you could swear he ripped a strand or two as he forced you to make eye-contact with him, his glistening cock a threat in front of your lips. "I asked you a fucking question."
"Yes." Your voice was hoarse and barely above whisper.
"Yes what, slut?"
"Yes, Sir."
Talking hurt even more than swallowing his massive shaft down your throat, it was like sandpaper scraping open wounds. Of course he couldn't pass up an opportunity to mention it.
"Got my little cockslut's throat fucked up, didn't I?" His smile was full of animalistic pride as he tutted and shook his head. Joel reached for your cheek with his hand and you braced yourself for another slap, but only a cruelly gentle caress followed. "It's okay, little one, I have the perfect medicine that's gonna cure all the soreness. Open up," he patted your chin, "come on, fucktoy, I'm not going to repeat myself."
As soon as you opened your trembling lips that were already torn on the edges from his abuse, he was quick to shove his cock inside your warmth. By the way you felt it throb on your tongue as it slid further down your throat, you knew that he was close. The man above you was groaning, with every violent thrust of his hips the rough material of his jeans met your burning skin, making you wince. You felt his hand slowly descend from the back of your head and curl around your throat. It was huge, big enough to easily grab half of your neck. You were barely able to inhale between his thrusts and you were terrified that if he squeezed you a bit harder he'd just end up shooting a load down a corpse's throat. But it wasn't his intention. Instead, he tightened his grip just right to feel his cock down your throat but at the same time not cutting off your air flow completely. 
“Ughh,” his groan was primal, reverberating from the depths of his chest and vibrating through all of his body. "Perfect. Fucking. Slut.” Each word was accentuated with a thrust, deeper and deeper, you wouldn’t be surprised if your chin was bruised from his efforts already. He squeezed your throat harder than before and moaned as he could almost feel his thick and salty load dripping down the inside of your throat. When you started thrashing, he finally noticed that your face got dangerously purple from the lack of breathing and pulled out, opting to squeeze your bruised cheeks instead. 
"That's it, baby, good job." He cooed with a sick sweetness. "You need some training, but it's okay. We've got all the time in the world, and I'm an excellent teacher."
739 notes · View notes
thegayestmferintown · 14 days
Note
Can i request for any twisted wonderland characters that's fit x reader who don't know how to cook
yeah, of course!
Some of these characters have shorter parts because I added every character in the game, minus side characters such as (Artemiy Artemiyevich Pinker (Che'nya), Rollo Flamme, et cetera)
Also! If there are any inadequacies with grammar, I apologize, I'm at a friend's house while i'm writing this and I'm very easily distracted.
If it's not obvious, I'm a sucker for soft Sebek
Ortho is strictly platonic!
And Reader can be viewed as either Yuu or not!
@nisobird because there's Azul
Warnings ;; None
Relationship ;; Romantic
Type ;; Headcanons
Heartslabyul
Riddle Rosehearts ;; Heartslabyul Housewarden ;; Second Year
Riddle's world comes crashing down, in all honesty.
The boy was raised with the ideal that a partner is supposed to be at least a decent cook, but you are the exact opposite.
He will eat your food only to be nice.
Even though he can't cook all that well himself, he'll try to suggest ways to make it better even though none of his suggestions really, truly help the awfulness of your cooking.
Let's just hope you don't end up cooking for his mother.
Trey Clover ;; Heartslabyul Vice-Housewarden ;; Third Year
Trey is quite literally the sunshine to your moonlight, your sky to your ground.
You two are total, clear opposites.
He can cook almost anything without flaw, especially pastries and sweets.
He will panic if he ever sees you in the kitchen, trying to cook something.
He'll subtly take over for you, slowly taking more and more control of the kitchen.
Cater Diamond ;; Heartslabyul ;; Third Year
Cater would not care one single bit.
He is taking so, so many photos and posting them on Magicam, he does not give two shits whether it looks amazing, or absolutely terrible.
He will post it, specifically because you're his partner, you're his significant other.
And yes, he will shove it down his throat even if he needs to vomit it up later.
Ace Trappola ;; Heartslabyul ;; First Year
Ace can't cook, not one bit.
He's also very weird about his tastes.
He'll eat pickles and ice cream but he probably won't eat a single slice of cheese.
He'll eat anything you make at all whatsoever, unless there's cheese. (I headcanon he absolutely hates cheese, don't ask why)
He'll watch you cook and won't even interfere.
He does notice how bad your cooking is but he won't say or do anything about it because he genuinely does not care.
He'll even tell you it's actually good
Deuce Spade ;; Heartslabyul ;; First Year
Deuce doesn't even notice how bad it is, and if he did, he wouldn't even care.
He'll anything and everything, minus bell peppers.
He cannot, and will not, eat bell peppers.
He hates the taste, the texture, everything about bell peppers is everything he hates in all of Twisted Wonderland.
He tends to not watch you cook and has no reason for it.
Savanaclaw
Leona Kingscholar ;; Savanaclaw Housewarden ;; Third Year
Leona's not exactly shameless when it comes to meats, despite any sort of meat being among his absolute favorite foods.
He's not very picky about meats though. Just as long as it's cooked decently, and seasoned alright, he's fine.
Despite being a literal prince, he does not have a prince's palette.
He'll literally eat raw meat if it suits his needs
Of course, that's mostly because of the lion beastman part of him
Ruggie Bucchi ;; Savanaclaw ;; Second Year
Ruggie is literally shameless, make him anything and he'll eat it.
Just as long as it's not rotten, he'll eat quite literally anything.
He's not the greatest cook, but he'll help in any way he possibly can.
He'll most definitely bring your food to the kids in his neighborhood, no matter how terrible it is.
He wants to make sure they're fed, and he's happy when you're willing to cook.
He never tells you if he genuinely thinks you're food is bad, he'll end up feeling terrible and he knows that so he won't say a thing about your cooking.
Unless it's any sort of praise.
Jack Howl ;; Savanaclaw ;; First Year
Jack isn't entirely picky, but he's not the biggest fan of your cooking.
Being who he is, he'll feel bad for even thinking that your food is bad.
Also being the honest man he is, he'll sadly point it out to you, admitting his wrongdoing.
He's a big sweetheart, so he'll try to be as kind to you as he can, no matter how you end up reacting.
Octavinelle
Azul Ashengrotto ;; Octavinelle Housewarden ;; Second Year
Given that Azul grew up with his mother owning a restaurant, and he himself owning a restaurant, he's a bit... iffy over your cooking skills.
Of course, he'll always be nice when he brings it up. You're his significant other after all.
He'll point it out and he may give you some of his mom's recipes to help you follow along.
He helps you cook much more than he used to, letting you have most of the control, but he will come in if he sees you do something wrong.
Jade Leech ;; Octavinelle Vice-Housewarden ;; Second Year
Jade finds you and your cooking very, very entertaining.
He doesn't ever actually help you unless he finds you cooking mushrooms and.... screwing them up.
After that, he's immediately on your case and helping you cook.
Within the next two or three weeks, you're an absolute master chef.
Especially with mushrooms. By time Jade is done with you, you're more than likely a better chef when it comes to mushrooms than he is.
Floyd Leech ;; Octavinelle ;; Second Year
Floyd thinks you are the most entertaining human he's ever met.
Like some other people, he doesn't think your food is bad, just that it's so unbelievably entertaining and unique.
He actually doesn't try to help your cooking or change it or buy you anything new.
He simply watches the chaos of your cooking unfold, while occasionally adding his own, odd concoction to the mix.
And he will eat your food, no matter what you put on his plate, or what you put in the odd concoction you call your cooking.
Just don't add any shiitake mushrooms, he begs of you.
Scarabia
Kalim Al-Asim ;; Scarabia Housewarden ;; Second Year
Kalim more than likely trusts you enough to not have Jamil test the food you give him.
The only way Jamil would let Kalim eat your food is if Jamil himself trusted you.
So, if Jamil trusted you, Kalim would more than happily eat your food himself.
He probably wouldn't care if your food was the best food in the whole of Twisted Wonderland, or if your food is the worst thing in all of Twisted Wonderland.
He'll eat it happily and won't complain one bit.
Jamil Viper ;; Scarabia Vice-Housewarden ;; Second Year
Jamil, if he truly trusts you, will eat small bits of your food and will help you cook every single time you step in a kitchen.
He won't completely take over like Trey would, but he will guide you in every single way, subtle or not.
Once you get better and better, he'll eat your food more and more.
He'll take over for you at any time and finish the cooking for you, if that's what you'd like, all you'd have to do is say the word.
Pomefiore
Vil Schoenheit ;; Pomefiore Housewarden ;; Third Year
You're going to make the Vil Schoenheit break out. And that's a feat, especially considering his rigorous skincare routine.
He won't eat any of your food, and he will flat-out tell you, in a relatively nice tone of voice, that your food is not exactly good.
If he realizes that it hurts you, he'll try to find ways for your cooking to taste relatively better, whether it be buying you new utensils, or buying you cookbooks or any other things like that.
He promises you that he never meant to hurt you, he just wants to... help.
Rook Hunt ;; Pomefiore Vice-Housewarden ;; Third Year
Oh, Rook does not care. He genuinely thinks that your cooking is beautiful and wonderful in every single way possible.
He will eat your food and compliment you even if you put whole-ass children's toys in your food.
He'll buy you whatever you need for your cooking without you even need to ask him, he's kind of a freak like that.
Epel Felmier ;; Pomefiore ;; First Year
Epel is very in the middle, he's fine with your bad cooking just.... don't make him eat it because he will act like a toddler having to eat vegetables.
Or, that's what he says he won't do.
He says he'll be all manly and eat it like a man, but you know for a fact that he won't and he will act like a little kid.
Ignihyde
Idia Shroud ;; Ignihyde Housewarden ;; Third Year
Idia barely eats as it is, so when you bring him food, his hair will immediately turn pink and he'll try to hide his face by tightening his hood over his head.
He won't care whether it's bad or good, he'll only care about the fact that you actually... brought him food.
Of course, Ortho does so all the time, but it's different when your significant other brings you a whole meal because they don't want you to starve.
Once again, he doesn't care whether it's good or bad, he'll shove it down his throat either way.
Ortho Shroud ;; Ignihyde ;; First Year
Ortho can't exactly eat, given that he's both a robot and a machine.
But he'll look up recipes and help you cook and help you get as best and as good as you can get.
He'll always help, and use every single upgrade he's ever got put into him by his big brother to help you cook as best as you can.
Diasomnia
Malleus Draconia ;; Diasomnia Housewarden ;; Third Year
Oh, boy. Malleus is scared that he has another Lilia on his hands. Of course, your food is not as bad as Lilia's, but it's still not, for lack of a better word, good.
He will eat it, but he'll compliment and praise your cooking in a very... odd way.
He'll compliment you, yes. But he'll also add in some, not-so-subtle ways you can improve.
Don't tell him, he genuinely thinks his attempts at helping are extremely subtle, when they are absolutely not.
Lilia Vanrouge ;; Diasomnia Vice-Housewarden ;; Third Year
Lilia, like Rook, Kalim, and Deuce, won't even notice that your food is bad.
And that is mostly because he, himself is a bad chef.
He's such a bad chef he can't even tell when foods are actually bad.
Even if he could tell that your food was not good, he still wouldn't care because he just loves you far, far too much to even think of pointing it out.
Silver Vanrouge ;; Diasomnia ;; Second Year
Silver is internally sobbing. First, his Father, and now, his significant other.
He's very sweet about telling you ways you can improve.
He actually does this with his father, too. But you're the only one who picks up on it, Lilia, sadly, does not.
Silver tries his absolute hardest to help, but he eventually succumbs to his sleep, but he always profusely apologizes afterward.
Sebek Zigvolt ;; Diasomnia ;; First Year
Sebek is oddly much sweeter about it than you'd ever expect.
He doesn't yell, but he does let you know that it doesn't taste good.
He explains ways you can fix it, despite he himself not knowing how to cook all that well.
He explains everything he knows about cooking to try and help you.
If Sebek manages to view a human as a significant other, or partner, he will dote on your every need or want in the sweetest way that you'd never, ever expect from him.
He's very sweet as he helps you cook, making sure that you do everything to the best of your genuine ability.
173 notes · View notes
greyskyflowers · 10 months
Text
The idea of Ace and Luffy being wild, feral things makes my own heart happy.
Honestly though, I picture them having a lot in common with animals.
Strong teeth, strong bones, tough skin, quick reflexes. The instincts that come from growing up wild.
An ability eat lot of things that other people maybe wouldn't or can't. Meat that's a little more rare than advisable and snapping bones to get to the marrow inside.
They walk quiet, soundless when they want to be, using shadows and blind spots to become basically invisible. They don't do it often because they both have terrible attention spans but they can sit still and silent for long periods of time if needed, waiting like predators for their prey.
Staring, the way animals stare and wait for the other one to back down, making themselves look bigger and baring teeth. They snarl and snap their teeth, flexing their hands like claws when they're not making fists, a low grumble in their chests that sounds like a odd growl.
How it's instinct to cover the throat and belly of themselves and their crews, vulnerable spots that must be protected.
Ace being one of the shorter of the Whitebeard crew, so he does that thing where he eases himself in front of the others to cover their throats and bellies. Curling his lip back to show teeth and keeping eye contact with anyone stupid enough to try.
Licking their wounds, literally.
I imagine them being incredible trackers, able to use their senses a little more than the average person. Ears a little sharper, scents being considered, eyes taking in all the little details. Maybe they're not aware of it, but I like to think they take it all in deeper than they possibly realize.
A sense for something wrong, like how some animals can pick up on the energy people give off, possible sicknesses, coming storms, being watched, etc.
Sleeping all tangled together, the way animals sleep together for safety and warmth in cooler times. Luffy and Ace are big cuddlers.
Not necessarily in the normal cuddle ways either, they like to either be sprawled out on top or covered by someone. They're either being protected or they're protecting.
Head butts and cheek rubs when happy. That extra emphasis on crew, like packs and herds. Crew.
A lot of touching. Playing with someone's hair or nuzzling into their neck or side, a lack of boundaries because animals don't have shame or concerns like that.
And everyone who regularly interacts with Ace or Luffy wants to know how two feral cats got trapped in human bodies.
Am I always down for poly crews? Yes
Platonic or otherwise? Yes
Do I think everyone is a little in love with Luffy? Yes
Do I think everyone is a little in love with Ace? Yes
The crews love their wild ones and spoil them rotten when they can and know how to.
And since this is already AU let's just roll with it.
♠️ Ace ♠️
Ace just despises Teach right off the bat. As soon as the ink has settled in his skin and he's got a claim on him that he's never had before, he's completely standoffish with Teach. No matter how much the others tell him that's his brother now and assure him, he's all teeth and fire when Teach is around.
The man makes the fine hairs on the back of his neck rise and the instincts pacing at the back of his mind spit out a hiss.
Threatthreatthreat
His teeth grind together in anger, muscles tense under his skin, and it's a vicious thing in his chest he hasn't felt so strongly since Sabo and Luffy were his.
It causes some tension. People torn between supporting Teach, who's been their own for awhile, or supporting Ace, who has a good sense for this type of thing and is so welcoming to everyone else. They don't know how Ace can be so sweet and well loved by everyone but does a complete 180 with Teach.
It's instincts that have gotten Ace this far in life though and one night, it's only those instinct that save Thatch.
Ace darting out of the shadows and landing like the wrath of a god in front of Thatch, the knife that would have gone into the man's back instead finds a home in Ace's shoulder.
A rumbling growl that gets louder and nastier as the seconds tick by, blood running down a bare chest before flames lick up a wound that only found flesh because letting it pass meant the possibility of it hitting someone else. Sharp teeth shining in the growing glow of the fire and the ends of his hair burning like the edge of paper.
The flames don't burn Thatch when the older turns around. His flames would never burn crew.
Thatch wraps an arm around his waist like he's going to pull him away, but it just stays there, heavy around him. Ace takes a moment to find comfort in the warm and very alive presence pressed up behind him, bigger than him and Thatch's own protective fury catching fire.
Marco is less restrained in his fury. As are most of the others when they rush to investigate. The only reasons it's not quick is because they want it to hurt.
Ace is a coiled threat the whole time, body tense but staying where he is because the original threat was to Thatch and he hasn't quite lowered his hackles from that yet. Still on his toes and ready to spring forward at a moments notice.
He gives a small warning growl to Marco when he gets close, who looks at him in both worry and fond exasperation.
The blood from the blade is black where it burned against his skin and the flesh is unmarked, but it doesn't stop everyone from fluttering nervously around him.
♠️
Ace is attractive, arguably pretty in a way most pirates aren't. Although this young generation is changing that quickly, have you seen some of these rookies?
He draws attention easily, everyone drawn in by his charming personality or freckled cheeks.
He's a flirt but he doesn't often let other people actually touch him. Leaning away from eager fingers or gracefully dodging arms, excusing himself when he feels to cornered. He doesn't want the feel of strangers on his skin, he just wants the crew. And Luffy of course, his heart giving a lonely pang for his brother.
Sometimes people don't get the hint though, and sometimes they do and they don't care.
Drugs don't effect Ace like they would someone who wasn't a devil fruit user but they still make him dizzy and weak before he burns through it.
It only takes once, outside a bar with someone's hands on his skin when they didn't belong there, on his lower stomach and the other up by his neck. He doesn't even get a chance to try to shake off the drug enough to do anything before the man is gone.
Familiar hands, Marco, running over his skin quick and firm like it could wipe away the foreign touch before he processed it was there. Like if he replaced the unknown touch with his own quick enough it will wipe away the lingering disgust and discomfort of the stranger.
The whole time he keeps Ace hidden between his larger body and the wall behind them. Ace's heart aches almost as much as his head with how thoughtful it was. How safe and grounding it was.
The only arms he lets grab him, the only hands that he presses in to, are crew.
♠️
Ace has a habit of sneaking into everyone's bed, they don't talk about how they all know it's on the nights where he can't sleep or has nightmares. He burrows between them and the mattress, until he's under them enough to feel covered, safe and protected.
Ace isn't a small guy but he's lean, always had a hard time bulking up with his metabolism being so high and his natural build. He feels small with them, especially the commanders like Jozu and Vista who completely cover him. Even Thatch and Marco are decently larger than him though, Izo and Haruta being the exceptions but they're large in everything that they are.
They all welcome him. He's warm and sweet, plus it's nice to know he's sleeping somewhere safe instead of falling asleep in strange places through the day.
Marco is usually his favorite though because he doesn't pretend to be asleep. He just props himself up enough so Ace can wiggle under him before settling back down, his chest to Ace's back.
Some nights when the pressure is too much and he's restless in a way that feels like it's deep in his bones, he paces the ship. He's coiled and tight, usually not sleeping for a few days before it catches up to him and he slinks away somewhere dark and hidden to finally rest.
Usually one of the other commanders can coax him into resting, all of them getting the hang of how to best help their wild, little one.
♠️
The crew getting used to Ace just crawling into their laps and making himself at home. He is also fond of appearing just long enough to rub his face into someone's neck or against their cheek before taking off again.
♠️
Ace sneaking off to literally lick his wounds in peace when he gets hurt, especially when he was still finding his place. Someone always having to go track him down because he stays curled away like an injured animal until he feels better if they don't.
Licking at his arm one time when he manages to get caught with seastone, blood staining his teeth and tongue rust colored. Marco trying to grab him and in full lecture mode as Ace tries to dig out the lingering seastone with his teeth.
♠️
An extra one to hurt just a little ♥️
Ace is wild. Already a problem before you factor in his devil fruit and raw power. He's got a reputation of biting, taking off fingers and catching throats between sharp teeth.
It seems like someone did their research though because the muzzle they wrangle him into has seastone. Everyone has finally caught on to the fact that he doesn't need his flames to bite.
It's a sharp, nasty thing. Probably thrown together quick in a desperate attempt to get him under control. The straps dig into his skin hard enough to draw blood and Ace can already picture Marco talking about infections.
It hurts and goes from a deep, dull discomfort to a sharp, active pain. The muzzle settles into his skin and rub the skin raw where it doesn't outright cut into it. He's been captured for a few days, the wounds clotting and trying to heal only to be ripped back open when moving a certain way.
It was only a matter of time until they came for him and when the guards start getting fidgety he wishes he could show his teeth in a grin. Everyone knows what happens to those stupid enough to mess with the Whitebeard pirates.
He always knew they'd find him, even when the guards whispered in his ear cruel taunts about being forgotten. Unloved.
His heart still goes heavy with affection when he hears the first sounds of death coming for his captors.
604 notes · View notes