Being fat, actually fat, with an eating disorder is fucking hell.
People assume you have BED, and if you actually do have BED people are so gross about it. If you have a restricting disorder people get concerned when you start eating more. People get concerned if you start to like yourself. People love to see you fucking miserable, and will completely ignore your misery in the same breath. It makes them feel good. They benefit at your expense through weight stigma.
So many physicians prescribe disordered eating to us. ED specialists in many places won’t even consider how EDs affect us. Our own community uses our bodies as inspiration to hurt themselves. Because nothing could be worse than looking like us, right? How are you supposed to love yourself when so many people actively don’t want you to?
To the fat person reading who needs to hear this, I give a shit if you recover. I give a shit that you are hurting. So many people don’t notice, so many don’t give a fuck, but I do. You deserve better. I want you to eat even if it means you gain weight. I want you to be happy in your body as it is. I want you to feel loved, I want you to feel seen.
If you are fat with BED, I see you. There is so much stigma and it is not your fault. Your weight isn’t “your fault”, you are sick. It’s not a moral failing. You deserve compassion, and the extent to which people project their own issues onto you is awful. You deserve to be comfortable in your skin, and your body is wonderful.
If you are fat with purging tendencies, or with restricting ones I see you too. We get praised for hurting ourselves, or no one notices. I see you. I’m sorry.
I wish so badly the world were more compassionate to you, but if no one else gives a shit, I do. Fight for recovery for me, even though I know that journey can be so, so lonely when you aren’t thin.
To those of you who have recovered, to those of you that may. You are worth it. You may be fat for the rest of your life, and that’s okay. It’s wonderful, your body is wonderful, and I see you and I’m proud of you. Sadly I know many of us recover alone, but I hope you know you aren’t. I’m rooting for you.
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IU smut please
Lavender Flowers
IU X MALE READER
Tags : Iu Smut, Sex, Drama, Younger manager male reader
Jieun inhaled deeply, the calming scent of lavender filling her senses as she approached Y/n's tiny office. It was a feeble attempt to mask the nervous tremor in her hands and the frantic drumbeat of her heart. Today, she had a surprise for him, a gamble on a secret desire that had been simmering for weeks.
Y/n, her younger manager, defied all expectations. With his tousled black hair perpetually falling into his eyes and a smile that could melt glaciers, he was a whirlwind of youthful energy compared to Jieun's composed, mature demeanor. Yet, there was a captivating vulnerability in his eyes that always seemed to draw her gaze.
He was hunched over his laptop when she entered, his brow furrowed in concentration. "Jieun-noona?" he greeted, a flicker of surprise crossing his face as he looked up. "What a nice surprise."
"Just dropping by to see how the king of chaos is handling his kingdom," she teased, forcing a playful smile that felt strained even to her own ears.
Y/n chuckled, a sound that sent shivers down her spine despite the playful banter. "Barely surviving, Noona. The Schedules were a nightmare."
Jieun crossed her arms, leaning against the wall. "Well, that's what you get for taking on a diva like me."
The playful exchange masked the turmoil within her. Jieun had always maintained a professional distance with her managers, but with Y/n, the boundaries had started to blur weeks ago. It began with stolen glances across the recording booth, then late-night discussions that stretched into the early hours, filled with laughter and an unexpected connection that left her breathless.
"Maybe you need more lavender in your life, Manager Y/n," she said, reaching into a small, brown paper bag. "Stress relief, courtesy of your favorite artist."
Y/n's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He looked from the bag to her face, his eyes lingering a beat too long on her lips, sending a jolt through her. "Lavender isn't exactly my go-to scent, Noona."
Jieun's cheeks flushed a warm pink. "Well, you might learn to appreciate it. It's supposed to do wonders for anxiety."
He finally took the bag, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Anything from you, Noona, is a wonder."
The words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken desire. Jieun felt a boldness she never knew she possessed rise within her. "Tell me, Y/n," she began, her voice barely a whisper. "What about lavender fields under a full moon?"
Y/n's breath hitched. He looked up from the bag, his eyes searching hers. In that moment, the air crackled with unspoken possibilities. "Noona," he started, his voice hoarse. "I…"
Before he could finish, Jieun took a step forward, closing the distance between them. Her heart hammered in her chest as their gazes locked. "Let's find out," she murmured, her voice husky with a desire she hadn't known existed.
With a swift movement, she cupped his face in her hands, her thumb tracing the soft line of his jaw. His eyes widened momentarily before his gaze dropped to her lips. The tension in the air was thick, charged with a potent mix of forbidden desire and a budding connection.
Jieun leaned in, closing the remaining gap. Their first kiss was hesitant, a brush of lips that sent a jolt of electricity through her entire body. Y/n, taller by a head, responded with a surge of raw hunger. He pulled her closer, his body pressing against hers.
The scent of lavender mingled with the sweetness of her perfume as they explored each other's mouths with deepening passion. The kiss was a revelation, a collision of pent-up emotions. Jieun felt a fire ignite within her, a yearning she hadn't known existed.
Y/n's hands roamed her body, sending shivers down her spine. He cupped her face, deepening the kiss, his tongue dancing with hers. Her breath hitched as his touch ignited a flame in the pit of her stomach.
"Jieun," he whispered against her lips, his voice thick with desire. "We shouldn't…"
Jieun, her inhibitions melting away like ice under a summer sun, pressed her finger to his lips. "Shhh," she murmured, leaning into his touch. "Not now."
With a slow, deliberate movement, she unbuttoned his shirt, her fingers trailing across his bare chest, sending a jolt through him. His breath caught in his throat, and she could feel him stiffen in her arms.
The air in the small office was thick with desire as they continued to explore each other. Clothes were shed in a flurry of heated whispers and stolen glances. Jieun reveled in the feeling of his touch, his strong hands sending shivers down her spine as they traced patterns on her skin, igniting goosebumps all over her body. As they moved closer, the scent of lavender mingled with the heat of their bodies, creating a headier aroma that fueled their passion.
The afternoon sun cast long shadows through the office window as they finally pulled apart, breathless and tangled. Shame threatened to bubble up within Jieun, but it was quickly extinguished by the raw need that pulsed through her.
Y/n, his hair a mess and a dazed look in his eyes, mirrored her emotions. He ran a hand through his hair, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "Jieun-noona," he began, his voice hoarse.
"Shh," she cut him off, her finger finding its way to his lips again. "We'll talk later." In that moment, words were unnecessary. All that mattered was the warmth of his body pressed against hers, the feel of his heart pounding a frantic rhythm against his chest, a perfect echo of her own.
They spent the rest of the afternoon locked in each other's arms, the small office transformed into a haven of stolen moments and whispered promises. As the world outside faded away, they explored each other's bodies with a newfound tenderness, their initial passion evolving into a deeper intimacy.
When the last rays of sunlight dipped below the horizon, casting the room in a soft golden glow, they finally disentangled themselves. A blush rose to Jieun's cheeks as she realized the precariousness of the situation. "I… I should probably get going," she stammered, gathering her scattered clothes.
Y/n, his eyes filled with a newfound desire, reached out and gently tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Stay," he pleaded, his voice husky.
Jieun looked into his eyes, seeing a raw vulnerability that tugged at her heartstrings. The professional boundaries that had once separated them had been shattered, replaced by a connection far deeper. With a soft smile, she surrendered to her desires.
"Alright," she conceded, her voice barely a whisper.
The next few weeks continued in a haze of stolen kisses, lingering touches, and nervous glances at the studio door. Every night, entwined in the lavender-scented sheets of Jieun's king-sized bed, the weight of their secret relationship pressed down on them.
"We can't keep doing this, Y/n," Jieun sighed one evening, her voice laced with a bittersweet mix of fear and longing.
Y/n, nestled against her, his eyes closed, held her tighter. "But I don't want anything to change," he mumbled sleepily.
Jieun shifted in his arms, turning to look him in the face. The moonlight painted a soft glow on his features, highlighting the vulnerability in his eyes. "Neither do I," she admitted, her voice barely a whisper. "But there has to be a way… a way for us to be together."
Y/n's eyes fluttered open, gazing at her with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine. He cupped her face in his hands, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through her. "Jieun," he began, his voice thick with emotion, "I… I love you."
The words hung in the air, heavy and unexpected. Jieun's heart leaped in her chest. A myriad of emotions flooded her - fear, surprise, and a joy so profound it threatened to overwhelm her.
"Y/n…" she started, her voice choked with emotion.
He silenced her with a finger to her lips. "Don't say anything," he whispered, his eyes searching hers. "Just let me hold you, let me know that you feel even a fraction of what I feel for you."
Tears welled up in Jieun's eyes. In that moment, all her doubts and anxieties melted away. The fear of the unknown, the sting of society's judgment, none of it mattered. Y/n's love was a beacon in the darkness, a lifeline she clung to with all her being.
Without a word, she leaned in, their kiss a silent testament to their forbidden love. When they finally broke apart, breathless and flushed, a sense of calm settled upon them, much like the calming scent of lavender that lingered in the air.
Jieun reached over to the nightstand, her fingers brushing against a small, delicate vase filled with dried lavender. It was the same bag she'd brought Y/n weeks ago, a symbol of hope for something peaceful amidst the chaos of their feelings.
"Maybe," she began, her voice barely a whisper, "maybe our love is like lavender. Unconventional, perhaps, but beautiful nonetheless. It might not fit the traditional mold, but its fragrance can fill a room with a sense of peace, a reminder that even in the most unexpected places, something beautiful can bloom."
Y/n looked from the vase to her eyes, his gaze filled with understanding. "And maybe," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "just maybe, like lavender, our love can survive a little drying out, a little pressure, as long as we have each other."
He pulled her close again, the scent of lavender mingling with the warmth of their bodies. Their future was uncertain, a field of lavender stretching out before them, some blooms vibrant purple and some faded, but all part of the same beautiful landscape. Together, they would navigate it, their love their guiding light, as fragrant and enduring as the fields of lavender they dreamt of one day exploring, hand in hand.
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