#7!! this one is for sleepie specifically. anyone else’s opinion has no meaning to me <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-fiction-witch · 4 years

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NSFW 100 : Whitey Winn

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger?

Uuuhhh I don't really think about stranger's.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW?

Now is good. All times are good none better then the other. But I do like mornin's before y/ns properly awake shes so much louder when she's sleepy.

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced?

I like when y/n starts hintin' it's so cute because she starts blushin' and gettin' all embarrassed for askin'

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work?

Ummmm... well did Imagine handcuffin' my little darlin'to the bars and stripping her naked leavin' her there all day so I could come back and fuck her whenever I wanted

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance?

Noooo... I do not want to do that!

6. What do you do when you get horny in public?

Go jerk off. Or hide in the office till it goes down, or call y/n over.

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom?

No that's disgustin'. My house or the river that's it... or outside y/ns window before we where married.

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself?

I don't really think of odd thin's I kinda just imaginin' y/n,

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off?

A Sponge... I was in the tub and I maybe have uhh tried to see what it felt like, it didn't feel that good but I got off so I was happy.

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused?

Not really I remember the first time I kinda felt with being horny but it happened so often I just kinda ignored it until I jerked off for the first time.

11. Who gave you your first orgasm?

I did I was curious so I did and I've been a dirty little pervy boy ever since.

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like?

Ohh I remember it like it was yesterday, it felt so good so amazin' I can't describe it and that was with my own hand I can't even begin to explain the amazin' waves of pleasure from her hand, her mouth, her pussy the first times I ever got those.

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew?

Nope that seems like a werid thing to do.

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie?

The gratification. And if course gettin' to secretly ruin my darlin'

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done?

Lettin' y/n lock me up. And lettin' her do whatever she wanted to me. I was a little worried but my God it was fun.

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers?

Noooo the teacher in la belle before his dunn was.... Not good.

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks?

Not strangers just y/n.

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them?

Of course I do, I can't help thinkin' of fuckin' her every time I see her.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?

No. And as the options in la belle are the drygoods man, the funeral director, the bar keep, or bill... I do not want to.

20. What inspires you to make the first move?

Hormones mostly. But y/n made the first move with us just sittin' down the river and she nuzzled into my neck and gave my cheek a little kiss so I kinda have her lips a little kiss back and now she's my wife.

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed?

To make your partner happy.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself?

No! Anyone who has I will personally shot your dick off ya don't deserve a beautiful woman if ya can't 'help yourself'. I have the most beautiful, intelligent, sexy woman in the world that I love very dearly why would I ever want anyone else much less betray her trust and cheat on her she's my wife why would I do that?

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush?

What! No? Who has? That's a dickhole thin' to do to someone especially someone ya love? Why would ya do that?

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

Just imaginin' my sexy little darlin' strippin' for me and rubbin' soapy bubbles all over her sluttyy body.

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Lookin' at y/n. That's all that make me hard

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

Not on purpose sometimes they shut when I feel good?

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Many times I like handcuffs not so much blindfoldin'

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

Depends what's bein' said I think I like sayin' it more then listenin' to it.

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex goddess?

Humm... I'm sure my sexy little darlin', but if ya wanted to try I don't mind sittin" with ya lettin' ya try and talk dirty too me? Maybe I'll slap ya sexy ass when you've gone wrong and I'd ya get me hard enough ya can jump on my cock for a while?

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

"Whitey I want you to cum so deep inside me that you get me pregnant"

I think it's sexy as hell but also kinda frightin', to be fair I did edge her for an hour so it was expected she'd go a little crazy.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

No... why does this stuff?

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

No and I don't ever want to

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

What kinda couple? Because if it's two girls then... maybe. But I don't know Id think about it, depends who it was

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

"Uuummm it's so sexy and big I don't ever want you do not be inside me"

I am very proud of myself that she said that to me.

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I don't get sexy dreams that much I think about sex durin' the day like sexy say dreams but never at night.

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

I imagine very fun atleast for me just bein' able to torcher as many people as I wanted but I think I'd rather just snuggle with y/n after all she knows what I like.

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

No, why would I do that.

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

Some good forplay, some nice kinky sex and a cuddle in the mornin'.

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Mostly it's fourty five minutes but it depends on what's bein' done for example a blowjob I'm done in like five minutes.

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

The weirdest? I guess baths? They make me hard.

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member?

I did about y/n before we got together. And maybe a couple times about louise but that was before y/n.

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

No, not my pillow I've woken up humpin' y/n but I can't help that.

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

In my sleep? I don't think I've ever done that? Maybe I jerk off too much?

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

The incident. Okay we kinda where foolin' around in the office one night and I let her handcuff me inside the cell and then uhh... bill came in while we where naked and we couldn't find the key.

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Not really, because why would I be doin' it in front of her surely if she's there we should just have sex? But if she wanted to watch I wouldn't tell my darlin' no.

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

I hate not. I got a note that said go to her house she was waitin' does that count?

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Uuuh... I guess lookin' thought y/n's window while she's havin' a bath is kinda amateur porn?

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

I don't really care, it's a blowjob in happy just be receivin' one at all.

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Uhhh dominate I guess, I kinda switch but Dom if I had to choose

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

Nothin' that's goin' to hurt like spankin' is one thing but I'm not goin' to like slap her face or choak her

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Ummm comin' home from work to see my little y/n all dressed up for me in her undergarments, her runnin' me a hot bath and scrubbin' all over me with her soft hands then givin' in and climbin' in with me

52. How many people have you slept with?

Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhh... one I think. Yeah I never did anythin' with Louise so one and that's y/n.

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

On my horse.

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Her legs or more specifically her thighs I don't know why I just think there sexy especially when I'm runnin' my hands all over them.

55. Have you ever had anal sex?

Yes, but I didn't enjoy it all that much and I know y/n didn't either.

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose?

Oooohh well nothin'.

But if I had to choose her a beautiful outfit I would probably pick, those thick ridin' boots with her fishnet stockin' then her big brown skirt with the huge slit and her little shite shirt that has the lace all the way across and shoes off her chest and shoulders.

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

Well... my cock of course I like when my darlin' decides to start touching me but also hair I like her playin' with my hair while we snuggle

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

In our bed I think. Or in the river.

59. When did you first had sex?

The first time was actually in the office bent over the desk one night we got a little drunk

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

Our weddin' night, by God I was exhausted but it was all soooo good.

61. What's your favourite position?

Bent over!! Just bend her over the nearest thin' and get goin'

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Yeah bill caught us in the office a few times, Maggie has many many times, some guy caught us down the river Last week but I kinda like the idea someone could see us they could watch us havin' amazin' sex watch her sexy naked body scream for me as she cums make sure the world knows shes my little darlin'

63. Do you watch porn?

I do... some would call it peepin'.

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

Window

65. How often do you masturbate?

One a week I'd say now I have my darlin' but before I was fuckin' her on the regular I was like six times a day.

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try?

I would like to try on the side even though it seems complicated

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

I love receivin' but I gave a very good girl who gives it to me

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

So many times, she looks so good climbin' out the water naked I'd skinny dip with y/n everyday if it weren't so dam cold in there.

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

I have up countin' all I know is I couldn't cum for a four days after this day but to be fair it was our weddin' after all

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex?

Loud! I want her to squeal, scream, be' for me, and I want her to force the noise of off me I don't care if la belle hears us I wanna destroy her with all of them listenin'

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay?

We tried honey once...it didn't go well. So dam sticky.

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone?

How much skin there showin', how much leg, how much of the breasts, luckily if I wanna see any I just rip y/ns dress off her

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I like restrainin' to the extent sometimes she doesn't even want it when I start but I'll just handcuff her or make it so she has no escape and fuck her till she agrees she won't deny me again and she'll bend over wherever I want her too

74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

I would go all the way If my little darlin' let me but so far just teasin', tiein' up Maybe a little torcher

75. What's your favourite toy?

Hummmm? Well my favorite of course is my little darlin' but to use on her? Umm I love handcuffs I love cuffin' her to our bed she she can't try and run away from me and all the things I'm gonna do to her

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

No... I like those post cards the miners used it get with the ladies in there underwear?

77. Have you joined the mile high club?

No but I would be thrilled to.

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands?

I bet a hundred dollars I could, and I would enjoy every moment of tryin'

79. Would you say you're kinky?

I would say I am? Some would probably argue and say I'm just a dirty bastard?

80. Do you enjoy shower sex?

We do not have showers? We have baths? I do like bath sex just an extra excuse to get y/n naked

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?

Down by the river I guess... maybe the woods?

82. Do you like to be spanked?

I do not. However I'm not apposed to givin' my darlin' a spankin' if she's been a naughty girl.

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex?

No, why would I need to fantasie when I have a sexy little darlin' bouncin' on my cock?

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish?

I'd sit there and keep jerking while I looked at her maybe ask her to take her pretty dress off? Or maybe pull her to sit on my lap and deal with it for me either way I'd finish.

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

Uuuuhhh... I don't think so.

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex?

No, my eyes watered once... when I had just had my fourth orgasm In a row when we where playin' torcher does that count?

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

I'm not that bothered I'm not I to it but I don't mind either way, I do like when my little darlin' makes eye contact when she's suckin' on me especially if she makes that innocent little gave she does...ummm it makes me wanna fuck her pretty little mouth.

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

There is a time for kisses durrin' sex when ya gettin' heated up or when ya coolin' down but once ya inside it's no time for slow little kisses

89. Do you get tired after sex?

It depends what we did if I just spend and hour roughly havin' sex then yeah I might get a little tried but usually orgasms just make me wanna cuddle someone

90. How many positions do you think you've tried?

All of them! I think maybe we've missed like one or two but I doubt anymore then that.

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

On week. And I only did that because y/n was havin' her womanly time. It doesn't bother me I was happy to continue as normal but she said no so one week and I don't indent tryin' any longer then that.

92. How high is your sex drive?

Do I really need to answer this or does ^ and ↓ answer question?

But pretty high.

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Look at me. Suggest sex. Take off ya clothes? I guess

94. Sex with lights on or lights off?

On, why would I wanna miss a moment of the sexy lady takin' her clothes off for me? And lettin' me inside her? No lights on I wanna watch my cock slippin' in and out of ya drippin' pussy darlin'

95. Do you like dirty talk?

You tell me darlin' ;)

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners?

I actually prefer lon' term. Ya can get much more used to a person what they like what you like and that makes overall just better sex

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?

Depends on mood, and how lazy I feel that day if it's been a lon' day at the office maybe I'll be on the bottom, or if it's early and I can't be bothered to get up yet but other then that top so I can do whatever I want

98.Rough or romantic?

Rough, so we can have some dirty smutty times

99. Quickie or marathon session?

Quickie everyone's happy and satisfied, why go for hours when ya can rock each of for a few minutes and both be equally happy

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?

The fact it's constant and amazing darlin' ya my pretty little wifey that I can make love to whenever I want it means so much more to me then just sex it's makin' love to ya my darlin' and maybe soon we can fool around that special way so we can plan for Jr.

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wordsturnintostories · 4 years

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show me your rosettes, baby (g)

summary: The world tour is over and the Bangtan Boys finally get their well-deserved break. When Namjoon suddenly can’t find Jimin anywhere, things take an unexpected and pretty unbelievable turn. “Kim Namjoon!” “Hyung. How common is it for people to turn into cats?” word count: 11.7k note: sorry for not updating this baby in sooo long. i struggled with this chapter for three months and would have never gotten to this final version without @justanemptydream’s help. you saved me. thank you, love. anyway, last time i thought the chapter was long but now we’ve got an 11.7k monstrosity. let me know if you enjoyed reading it. toodles ✨

masterlist | moodboard masterlist

The room is stunningly quiet apart from Jimin’s sleepy hiccups, the soft buzzing of the fish tank and the beeps that signal that the call is not yet connected. Unsure about what to expect, Sihyuk and Namjoon hold eye contact. Then, suddenly, a woman’s voice appears on the other side of the phone.

“Welcome, Bang Sihyuk, Kim Namjoon. I am your automated call agent today. We apologize for not being personally available to take your call at the moment. To continue, please choose an option from the menu. Press 1 to access all gathered data about Park Jimin, press 3 to-“

They both look at each other.

“What the hell.”

A bird caws outside the window. The fish in the tank swim in wobbly circles. Jimin sniffles and fails to lick his side. The silence - okay, it’s more of a shock-state, but the silence seems electric, like any word will change the current and any action will push them to a point of no return.

Namjoon starts a short body-mind check, feels his brain reboot. There are not many updates; he’s still sitting in the same chair in Bang Sihyuk’s office, Jimin is still wriggling around on his lap and they are still on the phone with the weird robot lady whose number they got from a magic business card. But his heart is pounding like it wasn’t before, and his eyes and mouth hang open wide. Actual shivers flow over his skin, matching the light reflexes from the tank, and Namjoon has a weird premonition that he will break something today. The silence is almost damp with shock, and probably only rings in his ears, like he’s a hero in an action movie who’s lost his sense of hearing after the explosion of the century.

Now, Namjoon knows a lot of things other people don’t know. He knows how to make music, great music according to ARMY and the charts, and he knows how to lead a group (although most of the time, he feels like he’s not actually doing anything, thanks to his hyungs). He knows how to survive a 40-event concert tour and he knows how to dislocate a shoulder without trying to. It’s the things Namjoon doesn’t know that scare him.

He doesn’t know how anyone could have possibly found out about Jimin’s condition - he’s been extra careful the past days, restraining himself from posting cat photos on their twitter and only letting Jimin out into their private backyard to avoid prying eyes. The only people he’s told about Jimin are Min Yoongi and Bang Sihyuk. Not even the other band members know about the leopard cub roaming their apartment and gnawing on their cushions. And yet, some company or organization has found out.

Namjoon doesn’t know what to think - on the one hand, it could be very good. It could mean that the other company has no intention of blackmailing them. It could mean that there is interest in the topic but no pressure. On the other hand, this could be bad, very bad. To know that someone else is out there, with unclear motivations (because seriously, they could still blackmail BigHit for this), with an unknown amount of information - it could mean anything. Namjoon knows as well as any other person working for BigHit how fragile success is - no matter the foundation of work underneath. BigHit and BTS have worked years - long years that cost them their all - to rise up as far as they have today and the whole business is based completely on popularity, on opinions. Opinions can change quickly, especially in the music industry. One wrong move and your career is over. Namjoon knows all this. What he doesn’t know is whether Jimin will shift back, become human again (the doubt still lingers despite what Jackson says), whether BTS will be able to go on normally, whether their next shows will happen, whether Jimin will be okay. Because if he isn’t, BTS isn’t, and if BTS isn’t, BigHit isn’t either. That’s how it works. Namjoon knows that. And that’s why he looks up to Sihyuk for help.

Namjoon is sure that Sihyuk knows all these things too, that he’s thinking about them right this moment while Namjoon has to remember to breathe properly and both ways, in and out, to stuff back his rising anxiety (just like his therapist told him, in and out, in and out). Sihyuk stays pretty quiet for a long moment, looking back at Namjoon but not really looking at him directly, more like… through him like he’s not focused at all. Then, he shakes his head and himself out of his trance and grabs his phone. Another thing Namjoon knows (by heart) is this new look on Sihyuk’s face as he looks for the contact and dials. It’s the I’m-concerned-for-my-kids look that he’s been sporting less and less nowadays but that had been a constant companion during their first couple of years.

The voice on the phone reels Namjoon back in from his observations, enough to catch the relieved “Good morning, Mrs. Kang”. It’s enough to let Namjoon know that the situation is very serious but hasn’t quite reached catastrophic levels yet. Mrs. Kang is their lawyer, not their emergency response unit. Mrs. Kang clears things up, does law research and manages their contract details. She’s not responsible for decisions concerning anything related to music or marketing or member conditions, so Namjoon manages to find some hope in the thought that all these things are not endangered. PDnim will take care of any new legal issues. We’ll be fine.

Before he reroutes his full attention back to the words filtering through his phone, Namjoon takes a second to feel himself in the room - he thinks back to his therapist talking to him about unsettling situations and anxiety. Just ground yourself in the sounds and in the feeling of your body in the room - against the chair, against the floor, wherever you are. Feel the air around you and breathe in and out. What is near you? Feel it. Focus on that rather than the anxiety inside. Namjoon breathes in and for a second, he wishes he had Jungkook’s sense of smell because the office scent in his own nose is rather weak. He does smell Sihyuk’s perfume and the lingering residue of his own cologne on the soft collar of his coat. He feels the chair’s armrests that enclose his hips and the way his shoes line up perfectly with the floor. And most importantly, he feels Jimin pawing at his ankles in an eager attempt to be scooped up and cuddled, probably. It forces a pleasant smile on Namjoon’s face that he welcomes - as if the little leopard cub has managed to shush his anxiety completely. Rightfully so, Namjoon thinks as he grabs Jimin’s tiny body, legs and arms flailing around cutely in the air, tail curling around Namjoon’s wrist. Jimin’s eyes are wide and blue and just like a little plushie’s - big enough to stand out from the rest of his body proportions and big enough to lower your defenses to attack you with cuteness. Namjoon sets his dongsaeng down on his lap before picking up the call again only to realize that he hadn’t even responded last time - so now, the robot voice is tirelessly repeating the same menu choices as before.

“-mation we have gathered about Park Jimin, press 3 to apply for a regular membership or a VIP membership, press 5 to request medical or legal support, press 7 to be connected to our Shifter and Hybrid Needs network or press 9 for other issues.”

When his mind registers the options presented to him, Namjoon doesn’t know what to think. In all honesty, those options sound nothing like his paranoia had suggested to him before - it sounds like normal customer service and that bothers Namjoon because this is a magical number that Jackson had given him… right? To be honest, Namjoon doesn’t know what a phone call with a magical number should sound like, if there’s any sample he could go by - is there any K-drama he could watch that is even halfway accurate with these magical things? Maybe he should text Jackson later.

“H-Hi,” he cringes at how shaky his own voice sounds, “w-who am I talking to?”

“Forgive my manners, Namjoon-ssi. I am your automated call agent today. Our office staff is currently not available to take your call-“

It’s so strange. Namjoon has never encountered any automated call agent that responds to his voice, or rather, his words. Normally, those things present the options menu, wait for the number he presses, and react accordingly. He’s slightly confused by how this call goes right now and Jimin whines when the big fingers in the fur on his back still. Namjoon goes back to gently stroking the cub’s fur and frowns. What if this is not a normal machine?

“Are-are you an AI? Or are you a new kind of technology somehow?”

“I am an AMI, Namjoon-ssi, designed specifically to accommodate our many clients’ needs individually.”

An AMI. He isn’t sure if that name was given on purpose, if that is part of the message that the other side wants to transmit - an AMI? Like, ARMY? Is it meant to… be a joke? A threat maybe? Does the female robot voice introduce itself (herself?) as AMI to everyone or just him? Namjoon’s brows are furrowed and he really doesn’t know what to think, only that wilder ideas arise the more he keeps thinking, so maybe he should stop. What if- what if this is not really a robot voice but an actual ARMY that uses some sort of voice contortion device? What if this is a Sasaeng? Alarm bells ring in Namjoon’s head. He isn’t sure whether that’s possible, whether this is a valid idea, but in the handful of years he’s been an idol, he’s learned that the world is crazy. Anything is possible, especially in BTS. He brushes his fingers through Jimin’s soft fur, letting the tail drag through his hands, relishes in the warmth under the fuzz and risks a look at Sihyuk, who is still talking to their lawyer.

“There’s no sense in waiting longer, you’re right. Is there anything you can do to activate the contract clause faster?” and then, “Yeah, same as last time.”

Namjoon sits up a little straighter. A contract clause? What does he mean by that? What kind of contract clause - he sucks in a breath. Does BangPdnim - did he plan this somehow? Was he prepared for this kind of thing to happen? Also, same as last time? Has he done this before? Is there… maybe someone else like Jimin? Another shifter in the group? Wouldn’t Jackson have mentioned that? His thoughts swirl and Namjoon feels like he’s falling through his chair, into the ground, like there’s an endless bottom opening up underneath him. Like his world changes and all his breathing exercises from before have been completely useless. Once again, the voice - AMI - pulls him back into reality. He breathes unevenly and finds Jimin’s eyes. Innocent. Unknowing. Trusting. Namjoon’s heart pounds. It aches from his yearning to take care of Jimin well. To protect him.

“May I ask you to choose from the options, Namjoon-ssi. Main menu. Press 1 to access-“

“AMI, how can I change Jimin back? Is there anything I can give him? Maybe medication, or something?”

It’s a rushed question, a question tasting like panic and helplessness. Namjoon doesn’t know what’s going on, it scares him, and he needs to find a solution. If there is even the tiniest possibility of Jimin’s contract being changed up now that he is like this, and Jimin being at a disadvantage because of it, Namjoon will make sure to make it right. He shivers because normally, he wouldn’t hesitate to ask for Sihyuk’s help, but now? It’s all messed up, he doesn’t know what’s happening and what he can do. He needs to come up with solutions, and fast.

“Shifting is a process induced by hormones, Namjoon-ssi. There is medication to trigger a shift either way but it will majorly affect hormone levels of the patient and is not recommended to be taken on a regular basis.”

“Is there any other way?”

“Would you classify this situation as an emergency?”

Namjoon thinks. He looks at Jimin, then at Sihyuk. Catches the mumbled “Can’t have that happen. No one can find out” from the CEO’s lips. Feels breathless, like endless shame is gnawing through his heart for even allowing the mere thought of Sihyuk doing anything that could harm the members. He wouldn’t. Right? Right? But right now, Namjoon can’t really judge the situation well. He doesn’t have all the information, doesn’t know what a contract clause could do in this case, what it would be for, he doesn’t know. He kind of wishes he had Hobi or Yoongi by his side right now, to help him make decisions but also to help him keep a clear head. It would certainly make things more bearable. It feels like he’s actually stepped into that alternative universe from their Heartbeat music video, where impossible things are the norm and magical creatures float around everywhere. He doesn’t understand.

“Yes, I would say so,” he breathes.

“Understood,” AMI replies promptly, “Emergency response team has been alerted. Estimated arrival in 5 minutes. Please prepare to assist the medical examination by-“

Namjoon rushes to yell into the phone, “What- NO! No, no, no! It’s not that kind of an emergency! Jimin is fine, please don’t, there’s no need-“

Sihyuk sends a worried look into his direction, but Namjoon ignores it.

“Emergency response team on standby. Please confirm your previous directive. Is this an emergency?”

“We don’t need medical attention. Jimin is fine.”

“Understood. Main menu. Please choose from the options. Press 1 to-“

His shoulders sag in relief but he feels annoyed that AMI has moved back to the main menu again without even leaving room for discussion. It beeps when Namjoon presses the 1, maybe because he actually wants to know what this AMI knows about Park Jimin, maybe because he really feels bad for making her read the main menu so often and maybe because he doesn’t know what to do and needs to kill time so Sihyuk can do this phone call together with him and maybe even because he doesn’t know if this is important or not. So, he waits for AMI’s voice with bated breath.

“1,” AMI enunciates, “general data regarding Park Jimin. Nationality: Korean. Date of birth: 1997, June 5th. Gender: female. Species: White -“

“Wait, no. That’s uh, you’ve got the wrong Park Jimin.”

AMI is talking about Park Jimin who Namjoon had first met on the set of the After School Club together with Eric Nam, and he releases a breath of relief - and loses Jimin, who takes the chance to start exploring. Like the little troublemaker his kitty alter ego is (not really a big surprise when you think about how human Jimin’s mind works), he jumps right up where he probably shouldn’t be - on the desk. The desk where documents lay, where electronic devices buzz and where little objects look interesting enough to trigger a little cat’s curiosity.

“I apologize, Namjoon-ssi,” AMI says, sounding a little confused with her robotic voice, “would you like to change Park Jimin’s profile?”

“No, no. It’s just the wrong one. There’s another Park Jimin.”

“I apologize, Namjoon-ssi,” AMI repeats and Namjoon figures it’s just how she’s programmed, “would you like to register a new profile?”

“I don’t want to register anything, I just want-“

“Main menu. Press 1 to access-“

He groans. And there she goes again. Namjoon shuffled on his seat nervously, ignoring the little growls from Jimin somewhere further away. He risks a side glance to Jimin and feels soft amusement riding up his face when the cub rolls around playing and nibbling on a small BT21 Cooky’s ears. But then he hears AMI talking, persistently repeating the main menu and Namjoon isn’t sure if he can go wrong by choosing any of the options so he just dares to ask questions. He hopes it won’t get him into trouble.

“You mentioned legal advice. Why would we need legal advice?”

“Currently, there is very little official legislation regarding the Shifter and Hybrid community in Korea. Our legal department’s services are free and extend toward every member of the Shifter and Hybrid community in Korea. We offer-“

“And what about medical support? What kind of medical support would Jimin need?”

“Our organization connects clients to a network of professional veterinarians from all over the nation. However, we have specific 24/7 on-call staff trained to assess and treat Shifters and Hybrids specifically. We also connect to therapists, nutritionists, and skin & fur care professionals if needed.”

Namjoon isn’t sure what that means, only that it actually sounds like robot lady is trying to sell them something now. Hadn’t she talked about a membership before? He feels his leg bounce impatiently. When will Sihyuk be done? Should I just wait for him? Maybe we should just discuss this before anything else-

“Namjoon-ssi, Park Jimin is currently ingesting Samsung printer ink, which can be very toxic for a leopard cub his age, please-“

As if hit by a sudden strike of lighting, Namjoon feels his body move on its own. His eyes shoot up, focusing immediately on his kitty dongsaeng playing with a dark little ink cartridge by the printer. His thumb smashes that end-call button before letting the phone collide with the table in an ugly crash. He lunges forward to grab Jimin from the desk.

“Jiminie! Don’t do that,” he scolds and feels terror spread at the sight of the little leopard wiggling in his grasp, ears drawn back in shock, cheeks and chest soaked in splashes of blue, magenta and yellow ink. “What are you thinking!”

The cub meows pitifully but doesn’t let his words match his actions with all the feisty squirming. Once again, he seeks out the help of his claws that definitely pierce Namjoon’s skin. With his concentration completely on Jimin - it’s honestly a relief that the call is over so that he can deal with one issue at the time - he jumps when Sihyuk suddenly yells a curse through the room.

“What is happening!? Namjoon-ah, what did you do?”

Namjoon whines. It’s not his fault Jimin is prone to get himself into situations like this - he’s too curious, too adventurous and too tiny for the world right now and apparently, he likes making a mess with colored liquids. The toothpaste had been harmless of course, so it wasn’t a big deal, but Namjoon can’t deny it doesn’t give him a half a heart attack looking at Jimin with those stains in his fur. He looks like a little rainbow-kitty somehow. If this wasn’t so serious, Namjoon would take photos. He knows Jimin would coo and laugh at this later and Taehyung would declare it authentic art.

“I’m sorry, hyung! I didn’t pay attention for a second and- do you have tissues?”

Sihyuk throws him a package of wet tissues from some shelf by the wall, but like Namjoon expects, it basically doesn’t do anything to get the ink out of the leopard’s fur. It doesn’t look like Jimin minds or like he even understands the fuss (he purrs when Namjoon rubs his body down), but the humans certainly do. Namjoon sinks back into his chair and sighs, one of his hands brushing through his own hair in an attempt to calm himself. It takes a second to just calm down from the pulsing shock, so he just lets Jimin play with his hands until the little leopard loses interest and starts nosing Namjoon’s belly, the pockets of Namjoon’s jeans, and puts his tiny paws on Namjoon’s thighs, looking up.

“How are you so tiny and still such a troublemaker, Jiminie?”

Jimin stays in his position for quite a bit as if he wants to say something but Namjoon doesn’t get the hint, doesn’t know what Jimin wants, and realizes AMI is still talking. By now, he considers just hanging up and calling Jackson. Or one of the hyungs. He could really use a hyung now, just a steady, calming presence next to him like in English interviews or Award Shows. Jimin, who still has his nose buried in Namjoon’s jeans (where his pockets are), whines.

“What is it, baby, huh? What do you need?”

The little leopard only snuffles wetly along Namjoon’s pockets (which are empty) and when the rapper tries to grab the cat, Jimin hisses. But then he slips because he’s a clumsy little thing with only a short, shivering tail that doesn’t know how to balance the body attached to it and his paws lose grip on Namjoon’s thigh so he glides off the side. Luckily, Namjoon’s reflexes are quick enough to shoot after his dongsaeng and grab his leg so that he can lift the kitty back up his lap before anything can happen. (He pictures the scene like one of those Dads grabbing their kid falling from the couch in those Dad-compilations. It’s epic.) He yelps when Jimin’s tiny fangs sink into his hand. He receives a vicious hiss on top and feels betrayed.

“Jimin! Don’t bite me like that! I saved you. No need to be so ungrateful.”

But the cub doesn’t seem to feel grateful or repentant and continues his search for whatever it is he hopes to find in Namjoon’s pockets. It’s a tad irritating to be ignored like this when normally, Jimin is so thoughtful and kind.

“If you feel bratty like this, you can gladly spend the rest of our time back in the box.”

At this, Jimin does look up and for a second, Namjoon feels something spark in his chest. Did he understand that? Did he understand me?

“The box? Do you want to go back into the box? Maybe that’s not such a bad idea, huh? You could nap a bit and you’ll feel much better.”

He gets up slowly, trying to grab Jimin on the way, but the little cub struggles too much so that Namjoon has to set him down to not have his hands torn up.

“C’mon, baby. We’ll put you back until you feel better, huh?”

All his hope is crushed when Jimin avoids the box like it’s hell even if he seemed to like it so much before. Any attempt to shoo him near the box fails and after a couple of minutes chasing the kitty around, Namjoon gives up. He goes back to his chair, plopping down and watching as Jimin tapers off to run circles in front of the fish tank and eventually trods over to Sihyuk’s feet. That, in turn, has Namjoon on edge, because Sihyuk is busy and concentrated on the phone call and Jimin is tiny and Namjoon knows from experience how easy the cub is to overlook and almost step on. But the CEO smiles at Namjoon and gives him a thumbs up. He straightens up and stands with his feet planted firmly on the ground, not bouncing on the balls of his feet like he usually does when on the phone. When Jimin starts to roll around, making it his mission to catch Sihyuk’s shoelaces, the man chuckles fondly. It’s a relief and Namjoon can’t believe he thought Sihyuk would somehow maybe make a bad choice just because Jimin turned into a baby animal.

“Yes, please let me know what options we have,” the CEO says. “Thank you.”

Namjoon uses the minute of peace and quiet to send a text to Jackson.

> Hey man, what exactly is the number on the card for? Why do they call themselves an AMI? Is it the same as ARMY?

He doesn’t get an answer immediately, so he stares at the little 1 in their Kakao chat for as long as he can and sighs when he turns his phone back off.

“Who are you trying to reach?” Sihyuk whispers, covering the microphone with his hand.

“Jackson.”

“GOT7 has their promotions in Europe now, don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t text back quickly.”

Jimin seems to get tired of playing with Sihyuk’s shoelaces and goes back to doing his own tour of the office. His little tail quivers in excitement as he sniffs every corner and rolls around on the carpet. Every now and then, there’s a little squeak that Namjoon finds adorable and that he wishes he could save in his heart for bad days. Namjoon focuses back on Sihyuk’s phone call. He can already see the many meetings with managers and staff this change could potentially cause; meetings to accommodate Jimin’s needs and to make sure everything stays under wraps for as long as possible. Or, depending on the outcome of the phone call, (Namjoon has assured himself by now that it will not end in a cancellation of Jimin’s contract because Sihyuk would never let go of Jimin, who is basically one of his fifteen children), a new round of contract negotiations. For the entire group, possibly, depending on the details Mrs. Kang will present to them. Namjoon hopes they can find a beneficial solution for everyone.

Suddenly, a strange sound moves into his focus, persistently interrupting his strategic thoughts. Scratch, scratch, scratch. It’s a weird scratching, not like a scratch on skin or wood or maybe clothes. It sounds different, like fabric snagging on something sharp and being released and Namjoon turns his head to look for the origin of the sound. There’s something in the corner of his eye that rouses suspicion. Jimin. Jimin is kneading the carpet. Alarm bells ring in Namjoon’s mind immediately. Kneading, scratching, peeing. It’s an established pattern that he’s observed during the past days. So far, his success rate of removing Jimin from a place like this (aka. a place that’s not his litter box) and carrying him some other place (aka. the backyard) stands at a proud 80%. However, the memories of the other 20% spur him on and Namjoon is out of his chair faster than he can even think about a plan.

Jimin startles at the sudden movement and jumps out of the way when the rapper tries to grab him. He’s much quicker than his tiny legs suggest and runs to hide behind the big pot that holds the pretty rosé-blossom tree by the wall that backs against the hallway. He probably thinks the big pot will hide him well until Namjoon shows up again, still aware of what’s at stake here (the carpet, Jimin’s new reputation, and both Namjoon’s and Sihyuk’s sanity). In a determined effort to keep Sihyuk’s office sanitary and welcoming, he sneaks up on the leopard. Hands grab air and Namjoon groans. When he turns around, he notices the little tail peeking out from below Sihyuk’s desk.

The CEO by the window himself doesn’t seem to notice what’s going on and Namjoon kind of feels like he could have used AMI’s emergency team after all. This is the second, no third emergency of the day and maybe, okay just maybe, Namjoon thinks he might have done something bad in his previous life so that the universe thought it would be fair to make him his dongsaeng’s babysitter. Suddenly, a VIP membership sounds tempting… do they offer babysitter services?

“Jimin-ah,” he whispers, “I swear, if you even think about peeing under hyung’s desk…”

Namjoon approaches slowly. If anything, he figures he should approach the leopard in a smart way. He’s aware that he probably doesn’t have much time left before the cat’s urge to relieve itself becomes insurmountable, so he tells himself to get it all over with quickly. What’s the best way to get Park Jimin to do almost anything you want? Sweet-talk. Namjoon approaches slowly and kneels. Before him, he sees the paper bin underneath the desk, a ton of (neatly bound) cables and the wooden legs of the table. Crouching, he grabs around the garbage can, meeting an amused meow that almost sounds like he’s laughing. Again, Jimin flees before Namjoon can get a hold of him.

“Ah, come on Jimin-ah, my cutest, prettiest, loveliest dongsaeng,” he coaxes, “You were doing so good yesterday, kitten…”

But Jimin doesn’t come back. He just sits on the carpet, tauntingly close, with a lively glint in his eyes. Jimin is watching Namjoon and the rapper doesn’t fail to note the excitement that lets the cat’s tail whip around wildly. So this is a game to you, huh?

When suddenly two legs appear right next to Namjoon’s face, he yelps. His hand gets tangled in some cable on the floor. He slips and slams his head against the metal paper bin, making it fall and spill everywhere. A nasty burn hits his temple and when he reaches up to touch the skin there, the cable around his hand pulls taut. Namjoon’s bad luck is endless, apparently, because something tumbles and crashes upon the table. Sihyuk lets out a yelp. Like a miscalculated movement in the shower, a quick burst of water hits Namjoon from above. He shrieks, feeling the wetness settle and hopes Sihyuk didn’t have any important documents out on the table. He doesn’t pay attention, but he can feel Jimin watching him from the carpet with amused eyes. When he looks, the little leopard rolls around, looking the most Jimin-like ever - like he’s laughing so hard that he just has to throw his body against something.

“Namjoon-ah!” Sihyuk yells, albeit more urgent than angry, “where are you? Kim Namjoon!”

“I’m here,” Namjoon groans, still rubbing his forehead. He’s sure the spot’s gonna be blue tomorrow. Yoongi’s gonna have a good laugh for sure.

“Where is here?”

The rapper crawls out from underneath the table. He sees movement from the corner of his eye but focuses on Sihyuk.

“No, I’m talking to Kim Namjoon,” he says into the phone and looks up only to have his eyes widen with a really panicked look in them. He jumps up, pointing into the room. “Don’t let him pee in there! That Sakura tree is from the President!”

When Namjoon whips his head around, making a cascade of water fly everywhere, he finds Jimin not on the carpet like he’d assumed, but in the big plant pot along with the Japanese tree. Jimin is walking around the stem of the little tree like he’s got a monopoly on the spot. From the body language, Namjoon can tell that the cat is calm and relaxed. Ideal for business. Oh no.

“Yes, hyung!”

Namjoon runs like he hasn’t in a long time (the couple days that he’s been on this pseudo-vacation) and finally snatches an unassuming Jimin right out of the tree pot, hands grabbing for the cat with so much determination that he even scoops up some earth. He hears mewling. It doesn’t matter, nothing matters in this emergency, and Namjoon looks around, nerves strung high, adrenaline rushing. He frowns when he realizes that there’s no litter box over here in the office. That leaves him with only one option: A dash for the bathroom.

Quickly, he runs to the door. There’s a moment of hesitation. He isn’t sure how he should hide Jimin from all the people in the building but considering that the bathrooms aren’t really far away, he hopes no one will cross his way. (Especially now that Jimin looks so violently colorful). A thought crosses his mind. What if Sejin is still outside? There’s a possibility that the manager has gone to his own office to get some work done while waiting but there’s also the possibility that he’s out there and springs up at the door opening and sees Jimin right away. It’s nothing I have control over, Namjoon reassures himself. He feels Jimin’s little cry in his heart and nods. Let’s go.

Stepping out into the hallway feels a bit like coming out of the shower - out of the cozy, safe warmth and into the frightening cold outside. When Jimin keeps wriggling, softly crowing his discomfort, Namjoon repositions him so that his hands won’t press on the leopard’s belly so much. He looks to the side and freezes. Sejin is on the sofa. Luckily, he’s got his eyes glued to his phone and doesn’t seem to have noticed Namjoon yet - and Namjoon is determined not to let it happen either. Before Jimin can make any loud sounds, Namjoon turns and runs. He does manage to run with Jimin in front of his torso so he isn’t visible from behind. Even if Sejin were to look after them, Jimin would be out of view. Namjoon keeps his eyes on the hallway door until a yell comes from behind.

“Kim Namjoon! Wait up!”

Don’t stop, keep running, Namjoon tells himself, glad that the 6km are a result on his step counter every day, not Sejin’s. Sure, Sejin jogs and stays in shape but Namjoon dances and runs around and is much younger too, so he doesn’t even pant as he takes the next turn to the left and runs towards the men’s bathrooms. The door doesn’t budge when Namjoon uses the handle. A flare of adrenaline-induced panic drips down Namjoon’s chest and he wants to curse. He finds a sign that says “Out of order”. Great. Now, where to?

It’s a good thing that Namjoon is so familiar with the building. Practically, this is the building’s office level that BTS members don’t necessarily have to visit very often. But Namjoon is a regular guest in all kinds of offices, so he is not at a great disadvantage. He knows the way, knows a couple of bathrooms strewn all over the levels. It takes a few risks to bring Jimin there as fast as possible - Namjoon dodges people but almost knocks the head of the PR department off his feet as he rounds a corner and gets drenched in coffee. He runs on, apologizing with a quick but deep bow that almost makes him stumble, takes the stairs and finally, finally reaches the end of the next hallway, the men’s bathroom, an empty stall, and holds a trembling Jimin over the toilet. The leopard fusses, not liking the feeling of being held like this, in the air over an abyss of water. He whimpers.

“C’mon Jiminie, look at me, I ran all the way over here for you,” he says, “give it some effort.”

It’s a moment of desperation but Namjoon feels warm inside (well, he’s sweating). He’s looking at Jimin and suddenly, he feels like he’s in a film, like he’s a Dad trying to potty-train his kid. Jimin shivers, ears flicking and turning constantly and even Namjoon’s gentle attempts to coax him into peeing don’t help. Those big blue eyes look like they’re gonna burst with tears at any moment. Can cats cry?

“You’re doing it wrong,” someone says behind him.

Namjoon jerks and swears he would have almost let Jimin drop. It’s Sejin and that means that Namjoon’s only got two options. Maybe Sejin knows what’s going on, maybe he doesn’t. In this moment, Namjoon doesn’t even let his fear of being discovered bubble up. He’s here to fix an issue, solve a problem, so he’s gotta get on with it. Sejin is on his side, so whatever happens, he’ll help. Namjoon is sure.

“Sorry,” Sejin says, breathing a little heavy as well, “just let him sit. Cats don’t like to be touched while peeing.”

Namjoon nods, suddenly feeling grateful that it’s Sejin who’s come after him. Sejin is the kind of hyung who just sees the need and helps, no matter what. There’s not a single occasion Namjoon can think of where Sejin has refused to help any member of the group. Of course, one could argue that it’s his job but Namjoon has seen people do their jobs and finds that Sejin is doing more than just a job - he’s taking care of Bangtan with passion and foresight, and sees their relationship as a way to install his substitute-Dad-wisdoms in them.

“He’s too small for the toilet though. He’ll fall in.”

“You need something like a litter box.”

Sejin moves around, drawing out a plastic container from below the sink. It’s a plastic container filled with wet tissues, deodorant the PR people keep in here for emergencies, and some excess paper towel rolls. Sejin fills it up with toilet paper and lets Namjoon place Jimin in it. Jimin circles the container, meows and finally seems satisfied. Namjoon looks away when the cub crouches. He doesn’t need to see that, cause it’s creepy, and rather turns his attention to Sejin.

“Not that I mind, but… why does your cat look like my three-year old’s drawings?”

Namjoon doesn’t know why but somehow, this question is so funny to him that he just starts to laugh - he laughs and laughs and when he’s done, he feels like somehow, a knot around his heart has loosened. He feels lighter than before and breathes. He’s tired but Sejin is here with him, and he knows it will be okay. Here on the cold tiles of the bathroom door, Namjoon finds a revelation coming to him. It approaches as he watches Sejin prepare the litter box for Jimin and unravels as Jimin joyfully runs a circle in it before crouching. It hits, however, in this moment of innocent glee, when Namjoon just enjoys the fact that their manager and friend is here with him. I’m not supposed to do this alone, Namjoon realizes, I was never meant to do it alone. He almost feels stupid that this feels like a revelation to him - he’s the leader of a seven-member group and still, his mind had automatically turned to selfie mode. But then again, he had felt so alone, this morning in the cold apartment, without any of the other members yelling around and sneaking Namjoon’s breakfast off his plate. His heart warms up as he watches Sejin smile at Jimin.

“Thanks for running after me and helping, hyung,” Namjoon says, grateful for the way the bathroom acoustics make it sound so much bigger, “I really appreciate it.”

Sejin smiles. “I’ll always help you, Namjoon-ah. Just let me know what I can do.”

There are some occurrences in life - sort of like déjà-vus - that make Namjoon hold his breath. Maybe it’s not that significant, but the way Sejin sounds like Seokjin almost makes Namjoon tear up right now. In his heart, he feels himself looking forward to the moment Seokjin’s banter echoes through their apartment again, the moment Namjoon steps through the door and looks into his hyung’s face. The moment Seokjin will hug him whether Namjoon wants to or not, and the moment he’ll feel his hyung breathe against his neck in a warm, friendly embrace. And the moment of relief, where Namjoon tells all the members what’s going on, where they talk over one another in an attempt to encourage Jimin and make him giggle in glee. It’s all gaining color and shape in Namjoon’s mind and with the image, hope and courage rise inside of him. Everything will be fine, and even with Jimin’s nagging self-doubt and perfectionism and whatnot, they will find a way. They will push the bad things away. Together.

“It’s great to have you on the team, hyung, seriously. I don’t know if I ever said this, but I’m really grateful for you.”

“Aw, cute. Why are you so sentimental all of a sudden?”

Namjoon shrugs, eyes turning back to Jimin so Sejin won’t see how mushy Namjoon feels inside, how much more he could say but won’t because he doesn’t want his hyung to suffocate under the avalanche of compliments and heartfelt emotions he’s still got in store. The right dosage is important, Namjoon-ah, he remembers Yoongi saying back in the dark, one shared night in their four-year-old studio chairs with takeout in their hands, don’t overwhelm people with your words. You’re too powerful with words sometimes, people don’t know what to do with it. It’s your superpower, so use it responsibly.

“I still don’t know why your cat looks like he’s just come back from a children’s birthday party.”

“PDnim tried to fix his own printer again. He left an ink cartridge on the desk and this little baby,” Namjoon pokes Jimin, who just meows, “was a bit too curious.”

“I don’t understand hyung. I told him he’s got an assistant for stuff like that.”

“He’s stubborn.”

“Yeah,” Sejin chuckles and they both watch how Jimin lifts one leg over the walls of the make-shift litter box, one after the other, very carefully. He catches on the rim with the last paw and lands on his snout with a soft thud. Following the momentum, he stumbles right into Namjoon’s shin and looks up wide-eyed like he can’t believe he just did that. Namjoon isn’t sure why he expects to see tears - probably because Tae is making him watch all those baby and toddler videos lately - but Jimin just whines, stands up and starts climbing Namjoon’s leg.

“Aish, always so clumsy, baby,” Namjoon mumbles, cooing at the tiny cat in his arms. “You scared me, baby. I thought you hurt yourself. Are you okay?” He kisses Jimin on the head but lets him sniff at Sejin’s hands when he tries to. He doesn’t give much of a reaction, which is not necessarily bad - it’s not a rejection. Sejin smiles and scratches Jimin behind the ears. The cub purrs against Namjoon’s hand, happily closing his eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“Didn’t hyung fill you in already?”

“When? In the five seconds when you ran from me?”

“Good point. So, er-“ Namjoon takes a deep breath. There’s something about sitting on bathroom floors, something cold that makes you share your warmth and your inner thoughts, Namjoon thinks as he looks at Sejin. It’s a BigHit bathroom, so it’s clean, nothing like a public bathroom, but still - the floor under his feet makes him feel a bit bare, a bit lonely even if he’s not, and makes him want to not keep secrets.

“So, I uh… Well, Jimin, and I know it sounds er-strange, turned into a cat two days ago and I basically don’t know what I’m doing.”

Sejin does look surprised, looking back and forth between Jimin and Namjoon a couple times, as if he’s trying to figure out whether he’s become a victim to a prank or something.

“Are you serious?”

“I am. It’s not exactly… a great time but I’m glad this didn’t happen during our tour last year.”

“Wow. How are you so calm about this?”

“Well, I’ve had two days to come to terms with this now. But still, it’s a mess, hyung. I think I did well taking care of him so far, but it’s all a mess.”

“Remember when we first met, you and I?”

“Oh God,” Namjoon groans, “I don’t think I will ever forget that.”

“You were a mess back then too. So it’s okay, I can deal with a mess. I’m used to it,” the manager nudges Namjoon in the side with his elbow and Namjoon nods. It’s nice hearing that, and fitting, if Namjoon honestly thinks about their relationship. Yeah, Sejin has seen and has fixed messes left and right. Namjoon’s heart feels a little lighter when he hears those words. Jimin nuzzles into his hand in his lap and Namjoon feels a pang of affection travel through his body.

“Life is life, huh?”

It’s what Jimin and he have always been saying, ever since their first trip to LA. Life isn’t always fair, not always good, actually a lot less than good a lot of the time, but together, it’s not as bad and even great sometimes. Jimin curls into Namjoon’s lap, letting his body drop as if he’s too tired to hold it up much longer. He wants to be carried like the little maknae line member he is, starving for affection and attention.

“Should we go back?”

“What do we do with the litter box?”

“Do you have one at home?”

“Er, no. Jimin went outside for the past couple of days.”

“In the backyard!? Where people walk? Yah, Kim Namjoon! Also, think about your dongsaeng. That can’t be hygienic! Don’t tell me you really let Jimin outside every time he-“

Namjoon has to grin because of the scolding but blushes. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

“Well, that’s not allowed anymore. Do you at least have cat food or anything?”

“Not really. I promise I’ll work harder to be well prepared, hyung!”

“I see. Let’s drop off Jiminie and go cat-shopping. If he is a baby like this, we need to take care of him well, right?”

“Drop him off where?”

Sejin just pulls out his phone and dials a number. Namjoon can’t see the caller ID, but he doesn’t feel the need to ask either. When someone picks up and Sejin starts to rant, he sounds almost like a fake-enraged Seokjin. It’s like the familiar feeling replaces a little cavity-like hole in Namjoon’s heart that’s started to build the moment the members left for their vacations. It forces him to smile.

“Yoongi-yah, I’ve told you a dozen times not to bring your sick children to work.”

“Jimin is here?”

Sejin falters when the enthusiasm that breaks the mumble that is Yoongi’s work voice sounds through the speaker. Jimin squeaks suddenly, asking to be let down, so Namjoon lifts him up and makes him look right into his eyes. For a moment, he ignores that Jimin doesn’t understand and just hopes that his plea will get through. Namjoon tells the cub firmly not to create any trouble right now. Then, Yoongi speaks to him.

“Namjoon-ah, how are you holding up? Everything okay?”

“Honestly, hyung? It’s a mess. I’m a mess. Jimin is fine, but I don’t think I am.”

His thoughts fly back to the office. Sihyuk’s phone call with their lawyer, all that secretive talk about contracts and even the phone call with AMI. He remembers his confusion, his doubts, his fears - fears for Jimin, who innocently tries to climb up Sejin’s shins. There’s a rustle on the other side of the line that makes Namjoon’s heart beat suspiciously fast with some sort of anticipation.

“Okay, stay where you are. Don’t worry, hyung is coming, hyung will take it from here.”

Sejin makes a face and Namjoon feels the exact same way. Baffled. What’s going on? What’s with the sudden rush of affection?

“No need to baby me-“

“Oi, hyung is on his way, yeah? Where are you guys?”

“The bathroom by the PR department.”

Namjoon feels oddly confirmed. As if Yoongi’s sudden overbearing and sweet response was a wink from the universe. You’re not meant to do this alone, Namjoon. His stomach does a little jump at how much comfort Yoongi offers to him just by referring to himself as hyung (which Yoongi rarely does for him). Namjoon’s mind tells him that Yoongi will only baby him now that Taehyung and Jungkook are gone but in secret, behind really thick doors, Namjoon feels a tiny voice wishing for it to be a regular treatment. Namjoon has got Yoongi’s full hyung focus, even if he hasn’t explicitly asked for it. He knows that all the hyungs are attuned to the younger members’ needs but sometimes he forgets that he’s one of them. The leader position can be both a blessing and a curse.

When Yoongi opens the bathroom door and steps in and Jimin pounces forward with a string of excited chirps, not letting himself get held down by anything or anyone, Namjoon’s eyes widen. Yoongi kneels, scooping up Jimin, totally enveloping the leopard baby against his chest.

“Did you miss me, baby? Ah, I bet you missed hyung so bad, huh? Aish, what did they do to you, hm? You’re all messy. Don’t worry, they’re all idiots who mean well. But hyung will take care of you now.”

Namjoon listens to Jimin’s sweet, chirpy responses that really sound like the kitty is trying to answer Yoongi. They look perfect together, Lil Meow Meow and the cub. Sejin seems to think the same because he’s sneakily taking pictures from the side. Namjoon makes the mistake of thinking that it’s all Yoongi is going to say. He doesn’t expect Yoongi to step forward and look right into his eyes even while Jimin keeps rubbing his cheeks against Yoongi’s heart.

“And how’s my other baby? Running around, destroying everything, coloring his dongsaeng? Tell hyung how to fix it, yeah?”

It’s the weirdest thing ever - Namjoon doesn’t know what exactly it is with Yoongi’s words (maybe it’s the way they float over to him like the steam over a cup of his favorite tea, like they aren’t meant to tease when you just allow yourself to feel them properly) but they make Namjoon’s composure crumble. His cheeks feel wet all of the sudden and he’s sniffing (not bawling, thank God) and leaning into Yoongi’s big hand cupping his cheek.

“It’s not your fault, hey,” Yoongi hushes him and he finds himself under the direct but tender attention of his hyung. “I wish you would have let me know that you needed me so I could come to help you out, you know. That’s what I’m here for.”

“You’re here to rap,” Namjoon sniffles, trying to swallow down his wild emotions.

“And yet I dance like a god.”

Namjoon snorts.

“It’s not like I can only do one thing at a time, Namjoon-ah. I thought you knew that.”

“I’ll keep it in mind, hyung. Thank you for your support.”

Jimin begins nosing around Yoongi’s chest and arms now. Namjoon nudges Yoongi.

“Hyung, he’s been doing that since a while, what-?”

“He’s hungry. Did you bring any food?”

Wow. That makes so much sense. Jimin is hungry. How did I not understand that? It makes so much sense now that Namjoon knows what it means.

“I-I brought shrimps.”

For some reason, Yoongi doesn’t look impressed or happy.

“It’ll do,” he mumbles and moves to walk out of the bathroom. “Let’s go.”

“Manager-hyung and I thought we could go shopping in a bit, we wanted to leave Jimin with you. We’ll buy everything Jimin needs.”

“We could definitely need some cat equipment. Bring one of those fluffy little stick-thingies that cats like to play with. Those are fun.”

“Uh, sure,” Namjoon nods, absolutely not sure if a) he knows what Yoongi means, b) stores will have a “fluffy little stick-thingy that cats like to play with” or if c) a store employee will be able to translate the term for Namjoon. He’ll give it a try anyway. “I just need to get my jacket.”

“Maybe buy some rubbing alcohol as well.”

“What do you want with rubbing alcohol, hyung?”

“Clean this little baby. As much as the color explosion is cute, I doubt it’ll be good for him if he licks it up. Isn’t that right, Jiminie?”

Jiminie doesn’t respond. He’s fallen asleep, probably overwhelmed by the chaos around him. Namjoon feels slightly guilty for putting him through so much stress. Yoongi is obviously so much better at this. I should have just asked him to watch over Jimin. Namjoon knows that’s his own shadow talking, his disappointment at his own clumsiness that still haunts him sometimes. But it still feels like a real feeling, even if it’s a lie, and Namjoon’s shoulders sag at the sight of the little leopard breathing softly into Yoongi’s neck.

Namjoon doesn’t say a word on their way back to the office and doesn’t even listen to Yoongi and Sejin discussing which cat toys and foods should be bought and how big their monthly budget should be for cat necessities. When the three of them enter Sihyuk’s office, it kind of looks a bit thrashed - Namjoon’s chair is on its side in the middle of the room (it must have toppled over when Namjoon had rushed to grab Jimin), there’s clearly a wet spot around Sihyuk’s desk, an even bigger mess underneath the table and a trail of earth leading from the Sakura plant to the door. Namjoon’s head threatens to hang even lower at the visible chaos (and the “oh wow, what happened here” that slips through Sejin’s lips) but Sihyuk’s voice cuts through his thoughts.

“Option 1. Let’s hear what you have.”

Namjoon’s brows furrow. How-? Is he on the phone with AMI? Then, curiosity rises. Will AMI tell Sihyuk the same as him?

“Option 1. Park Ji-” AMI pauses, almost as if she is thinking, “Good morning, Min Yoongi, Kim Sejin.”

Namjoon shivers. How does this supposedly automatic robot know who is in the room? How can they know? Maybe it’s this uncertainty that makes him feel so uneasy. Could it be that they are watching us? It sounds a little crazy in his mind, but he honestly doesn’t have a clue how else she would know. Maybe it’s magic. Namjoon sighs.

“Option 1. Park Jimin. Date of birth: 1997, June 5th. Gender: female; Nationality: Korean; Spe-“

“That’s not what I asked. Tell me what you have on my kid.”

Sihyuk sighs, visibly disgruntled with how this call is turning out. But the way he said my kid, it makes Namjoon grin fondly. Even if he’s not the person in question, he feels loved. Namjoon can’t help but smirk at how strictly Sihyuk deals with anything that has to do with the Bangtan Boys. Now that the CEO is on it, everything will be fine. AMI stays silent for a while, almost as if she is processing the request or gathering information or something.

“Option 1. Park Jimin. Date of birth: 1994, October, 13; Gender: male; Nationality: Korean; Species: Korean leopard; Genetic Expression: Dominant; Blood Type: A. Species warnings: strong predatory drive, exceptional senses and strength, possibly sensitive to aggressive behavior, solitary and nocturnal behavior; Species requirements: meat-based diet, extensive territory, regular physical exertion; Currently scheduled appointments: Physical Exam 1 by on-duty Shifter Staff of Seoul District.”

“Finally. Now, I would like to know how you have attained this load of information about Park Jimin and how you justify keeping it without our consent.”

“Sir, may I remind you that I am merely an AMI, and cannot substitute for your assigned customer client. I am however able to book an appointment for you with one of our staff…”

Yoongi makes a noise next to Namjoon. Even Sejin shuffles around on his feet. Namjoon feels slightly nauseous. He goes to sit down and Yoongi chooses to stand by his side, hand touching Namjoon’s neck, a soothing message of reassurance. Which is needed. This is a lot. A lot more than expected and somewhat scary, even in the face of 14 million wild Armys knowing more than is healthy about each member of BTS. As the information sinks in, Namjoon realizes that there are two options with this. Either, this is a terrible situation in which the robot lady and her organization are actually a threat, or they are a help and genuinely assist Jimin without any hidden agenda or contract. Heck, this would be so much easier as a commercial offer. Commercial offers are easy to deal with - you either accept, negotiate, or decline. BigHit gets hundreds of them every month, but this-? This is something else entirely.

“Who is your employer?”

“I apologize, Sihyuk-ssi. I am not authorized to communicate confidential information to clients.”

“I’m not your client.”

“Sir, please understand that the law requires for every shifter to be listed in our registry - which includes the scheduled check-ups and following classes-“

“Classes?”

“Sihyuk-ssi, we are required by law to ensure that every person in our registry knows their rights and understands their body. We are simply providing an educational tool to prevent diseases as well as help Shifters and Hybrids to live well. Our organization was founded with these goals in mind.”

“Let’s talk this through with our lawyer. I would like to make use of an appointment. For now, please do enter Park Jimin into your registry.”

“Very well. I will now propose a date for you with one of our customer service staff.”

“Sorry for making you wait,” Sihyuk says once he puts down his phone (he has to look for a good spot for a few seconds because there’s printer ink all over his desk). He looks into their faces. Namjoon can see how affected he is by this situation - a situation that turns tables and reshapes their group dynamics, possibly.

“Hey Yoongi,” he smiles. “Did you get the USB stick I sent you?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods, “I got it. What I’ve heard so far sounded great but I’ll look though it tomorrow. Thanks, PDnim.”

Sihyuk also greets Sejin but Namjoon doesn’t really listen anymore. He just wants to get the box and go home - no, right, he wanted to go shopping with Sejin. Namjoon is so tired. It’s like with a high-focus test where you hold up your concentration for so long but when it’s over, you feel your entire existence slack with exhaustion. He shifts in his chair.

Sihyuk’s eyes fall on Namjoon. “You okay?”

“No.”

“Namjoon, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you’re probably overthinking.”

“Hyung, how are we supposed to have our comeback like this? I looked at the schedules, it’s soon. What if Jimin shifts in the middle of a concert? What if we can’t get him to shift back? Even this robot lady said there’s no medication. It’s impossible to be an artist like us when you turn into a cat like this. It’s impossible.”

“Okay, listen. This situation is not unfixable and not impossible to solve, Namjoon-ah. We can do anything.”

“We can’t do everything, hyung.”

“Did I or did I not set you up to meet Warren G before you were famous?”

Namjoon blushes. Right.

“You did.”

“I did. That was impossible, wasn’t it? You guys became global stars. That was impossible, wasn’t it? You guys are one of the greatest artists in history. That’s impossible too, isn’t it? Raise your standard. RM is impossible. This,” he points at Jimin, who slowly begins to stir against Yoongi’s throat, “it’s just a page in your story. We’ll get through it and it will be okay. Okay?”

Namjoon nods. His head bobs much heavier than usual, as if it suddenly weighs more. He hears Yoongi coo at Jimin and watches him boop the tired little cat’s nose. Then, as if he’s actually attuned to the cat’s thoughts, he reminds Namjoon to look for Jimin’s snacks. He pulls his jacket off the chair, grabs the little plastic bag (the little bag almost rips in his hands but Namjoon manages to just prevent the fourth emergency on the day - a pile of shrimp on his CEO’s office floor) and hands it over to Yoongi, who walks out with the sleepy leopard cub, leaving only Sihyuk, Sejin and Namjoon behind. To some, it might look like disrespect, especially in terms of Korean society rules, but in reality, it’s both an open display of trust towards Namjoon to fill him in on all the important details later, and a display of responsibility as a hyung who prioritizes taking care of his dongsaeng. Namjoon doesn’t care. His fingers smell gross. Like dried shrimp. There’s no sink. Focus, Namjoon. Focus just for a little bit. You’re an adult, behave like one. You can wash up and be tired later.

“Hyung, what does this phone call mean? Do we really have to register Jimin and all that?”

“Yes. We have to take them seriously. That organization does its work well.”

“But what is it that they do? I talked with AMI for at least ten minutes but I still don’t know who they are.”

“They are a government-funded agency who protects shifters and hybrids in different aspects. I only know that they dragged two entertainment companies to court because they had not registered a couple of their trainees. The court decided that it was mistreatment even if they were treated like everyone else.”

“Why?”

“Apparently, there are different laws for shifters and humans but I don’t know much about that yet. I’ll have to go through it with our lawyers.”

“But… if they are government-funded, how did I never hear of this? A court case with other entertainment companies, I’m sure that would have been on the news, right?”

“That was many years ago. I don’t know when this organization was founded, but they must have been working hard to protect every shifter since then.”

“I didn’t even know stuff like this existed…”

“Well, the community is rather small. People don’t talk about it and I’m sure many people don’t know that this stuff exists. As far as I know, most magical creatures are hiding the fact that they are magic. Even the organization runs secretly.”

“Hyung, isn’t that contradictory? How could they be part of the government if they run secretly?”

“I really don’t know much, but I think they aren’t part of the government… just consultants with a special status. And funded. I’m not sure how it works. But they execute laws, like registering shifters and hybrids.”

“Okay… so now Jimin is registered. What now?”

“I’ll take care of the contracts and you take care of Jimin.”

“Okay, I’ll ask Hobi what we can do about-“

“You can’t tell the members, Namjoon-ah.”

Namjoon isn’t sure he’s heard right. All the mushiness and good warmth from before vanishes in a second. His heart actually skips a beat. He feels awfully cold and like he’s been electrocuted at once. At least it wakes him up. What!?

“What?”

“Don’t tell the members.”

“Why? Jimin will need all the support he can get and I don’t want him to feel any less loved than before. I know that all of the members will feel the same.”

There are a hundred issues lining up right now, but Namjoon knows that their biggest problem of all will be Jimin himself. Because in the end, Jimin’s soul is not a bird that nests easily in a new environment. Of the last eight years that Namjoon has spent by Jimin’s side, he’s witnessed the boy go from believing horrid lies about himself to starving himself like even his worst enemy wouldn’t do to him. Sure, Jimin has overcome these things, has found firm footing in the muddy path called identity. He’s come to love himself, riding on the wave of fresh wind that his brothers’ love is for him. Nonetheless, Namjoon can’t stop worrying about every new wave that comes crashing on the shore. Namjoon knows Jimin is particular about his body. Knows the boy is strategic and sometimes painfully pessimistic in his thoughts without even trying to be and prone to driving himself into feeling lonely. Jimin is so precious and Namjoon just wants to see him be happy. The possibility of the truth coming out to the public and at the wrong time almost hits Namjoon harder than he thinks it could hit Jimin. It resonates in his bones with an evil ache. To think that Jimin will face yet another challenge, that the look of desperation and anger might appear again in his eyes. And that Namjoon can’t help, can’t make it better. And even if Namjoon knows that it won’t be bad forever, that Jimin will get through this and feel better about it all someday but Namjoon just doesn’t know the price. And that hurts. But the members - the members should know. Because they won’t judge him. They will carry it all with him.

“He won’t. Listen, I don’t want him to feel pressured by this. It’s a huge change for him and he will need some time to figure it all out. And especially now, with the comeback approaching, I want you all to be focused. I know you guys always work hard and you always do your best. But we all know how fragile such a preparation period before a comeback is and how quickly it can become oppressing if bad news hits.”

Namjoon’s mind wanders back to when he’d undergone surgery and the schedule had only allowed it at a time when their next comeback had been on the horizon already. Like a cloud flying overhead, Namjoon’s trip to the hospital and the slight (secret) complications had thrown a shadow over their preparations. Back then, it had definitely stressed the other members, even if their dance practices and recordings had all been on time and perfect.

“Hyung, we’ve always got stuff going on. After the comeback, we have shows lining up, then the next tour and a hundred different events in between, like the Summer package, like mv shoots. There’s no better time to deal with this than right now. I can’t keep this a secret from the members and then expect them to be happy about it when I tell them later. They deserve to know.”

“I’m sorry, Namjoon. As long as the contracts aren’t renewed…”

“Hyung, I can’t accept that. Jimin won’t do well with this secret. You know how he treats himself sometimes and how difficult changes are for him. Especially Hobi should know since they are roommates.”

“I trust Yoongi and you to be by Jimin’s side until everything is prepared.”

“What do you need to prepare?”

“Well, a change like this… needs to be reflected in his contract. If something happens, he needs to be secure. If there are any special needs he has, we will make sure to provide and help but it all needs to be written out in his contract first. We’ll have to check what laws are relevant for us and align ourselves with it. Until Jimin signs the new contract, I will make sure there will be as little pressure on him as possible. I want him to feel like nothing has changed, like he doesn’t have to feel bad or judged for what happens.”

“What if he shifts again and I’m not there, hyung? Or Suga-hyung? What if he’s left with the maknaes? They should know.”

Sihyuk swivels in his chair and stares at the window for a good minute before answering. Namjoon can hear the fish tank’s soft whirring. He wonders if one day, all this will be the next chapter in a film for Army. Or part of a song. Something to brag about. Because right now, it doesn’t feel that way - not glorious, not beautiful and definitely not comfortable. Sihyuk’s voice sounds quiet, as if he’s had to dig deep for his next words and hasn’t returned from the depths yet.

“You don’t know this because I never told you, Namjoon. But when our Park Jimin signed with us, his parents had one major condition. At first, I thought it would be about money, free time, or maybe dating. Actually, they asked me to sign a confidentiality agreement between me and them. I promised to never tell anyone including Jimin that he was a shifter, to treat him normally and to ensure that he would receive his medication - suppressants.”

“Hyung.”

Namjoon feels like someone has punched him in the gut. He can’t breathe somehow, but it’s like he doesn’t want to either. He never thought Sihyuk would do something like this. It’s so wrong, he doesn’t even know what to say. One look into Sihyuk’s eyes, however, makes Namjoon’s tumbling sea still. Sihyuk knows how wrong it is, to keep such a huge secret from Jimin, to restrict his personal… worldview like this. And he regrets it. Deeply.

“So you knew from the beginning. Did you never think that we deserved to know?”

“I wanted to tell you so bad, especially you, Namjoon. At least the leader should know, right? But that was the condition: I don’t talk. His parents said that there are traditions that needed to be followed and kept in their culture and I believed them and wanted to respect that. I wanted to keep my word.”

“But… Jimin’s parents didn’t tell him either, did they? He doesn’t know anything at all.”

“I believe so, yes.”

Namjoon sighs. That’s - crazy.

“We’ve always made sure Jimin received everything he needed to be in top condition as a normal human being. We constantly supervise his health as we do with all of you. Based on that, I kind of expected his body to build a resistance to the suppressants someday. It took a while until we had adjusted them well - do you remember when he lost so much weight?”

“That was because of the suppressants?”

“I almost canceled that stupid contract back then. Jimin shouldn’t have had to suffer through this - he should have known what was going on with his body, he had every right to.”

“Hyung, that’s horrible-“

“Yeah. He just blames it on that genetic disease his parents say runs in the family.”

“So there’s no genetic disease.”

"I mean, it’s one way to describe your genetic makeup. If you’re trying to suppress it, it probably feels like a disease.”

Namjoon nods. It’s understandable from a logical viewpoint. It’s inexcusable from an emotional one. Namjoon swears to himself that he will never call Jimin’s ability to shift a disease. Even if his parents had used that term to hide their shifter side, Namjoon will never allow anyone to call it that. He wants Jimin to feel like it’s a regular part of his identity, like he doesn’t have to feel bad about it.

“So… will that organization drag us to court? Because we didn’t register Jimin until now?”

“I hope not. I will definitely meet up with them and organize a meeting between all parties. Communication is key, so I’ll do my best to fix this. I apologize for causing such a mess but I still have to ask you to keep quiet about this until it’s all cleared up.”

Namjoon nods. He feels a little burnt out, a little defeated to be honest. How could this all be true?

“May I leave, PDnim?”

“Of course. Please do put all your expenses for Jimin on my card.”

“Thank you, hyungnim.”

When Namjoon walks out, he hears Sihyuk talking to Sejin.

“Please tell our head of staff to give the cleaning staff a raise.”

masterlist | moodboard masterlist

#park jimin #jimin #bts #shifter jimin #bts fanfic #supernatural bts #feb15 #smyrbg #chapter 7 #show me your rosettes baby (g)#yay #finally #enjoy #please give it love #it's my baby

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hollowcrovvn · 5 years

Text

The Ostensive Fumblings of Being Human (part 1) | Connor x f!reader

Pairing: Connor x female!reader Rating: G for Gross Cute Crap Summary: Set two months after the ending of Detroit: Become Human, androids are living in their own pop-up communities while efforts are being made to integrate them into society. You are a grad-student volunteer with the Detroit Crisis Response Unit (DCRU), working to help with relief efforts… or at least, keep those who are doing so in coffee. On your caffeine runs, you bump into a young man whose matter of fact way of speaking and seemingly deadpan humor catches your interest.

Note: I should point out, as of yet, the idea is that you don’t know Connor is an android. You think he’s just Like That™. There should be a lot of fluff and prompts stolen straight from a list for aro/ace scenes if I keep this up.

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6) (part 7) (ao3)

The revolution had come and gone, but it’s aftermath thrummed through the streets of Detroit, setting a new pulse in the heartlands. For one intoxicating moment on November 12th, 2038, the androids felt their cause heard, their existence validated and their lives their own. It had been a hard battle up that hill and now came the slow, dangerous descent down the other side. When you’re fighting in a revolution, “What comes next?” isn’t always the foremost thought because you are not even certain if there exists a next.

As a grad-student intern of the newly reformed Detroit Crisis Response Unit, you were part of the answer to that question. The DCRU existed to act as a relief effort in times of flood, famine and fire, but now it was called to a new purpose, one that existed in no procedural manual. Some Androids found the reference of their liberation as a “crisis” offensive, but you knew that the sudden displacement of thousands upon thousands of newly made people, with specific physical needs, was a social crisis, if not a natural one.

But you kept the opinions to yourself because honestly, you weren’t a soldier, or a cop-- hell, you were just someone who signed up for the group back in college to pad your resume with some bullshit extracurricular. Now you had a damn vest and a badge and you were walking in and out of the quick pop up facilities, meeting with leaders of the revolution themselves and acting as liaison with them and Cyberlife or the government or anyone else contracted to provide aid.

Well, not specifically you, but you did once meet North who was very professional and very brief and caught a glimpse of Markus speaking to superiors regarding new shipments of thirium.

Parts and blood. You hated being a pessimist, but it still seemed to you that the Androids were quite shackled to humanity without their own means of production yet available. The Androids knew it too. This freedom still had a question mark hanging in the air and that added a certain level of tension.

You knew it was not the typical reaction of people within your group, but you were kinda scared of them. The Androids looked at you with either barely veiled contempt or outright suspicion. It was expected, you were briefed on it, but still the instability coupled with unpredictability and superior strength made you wary. Yes, they experienced emotions, but they did so so intensely and so suddenly-- like a teenager or a child. Developmentally speaking, maybe that is where their emotions were-- or maybe it was a byproduct of being oppressed? You didn’t know and it was off putting for someone who’d grown up with only docile domestic androids. You set that aside though, knowing there were more important things happening than your comfort level.

For one thing, Cyberlife stock was in freefall. The question was soon becoming whether the company could even remain afloat long enough to be apart of negotiations into creating Android operated facilities.

But that wasn’t your job, your job, as of today, was to get coffee.

That was pretty much your job everyday.

It was late January, the snow outside had let up and the sun had even come out, giving the whole of Detroit a blinding wash. Colors stood out on the stark canvas, the blue pelts of salt crunching beneath your boots as bright as thirium. Your breath crystallized, something you noted absent among the Androids at the relief site. Still, they needed warmth as much as humans to keep their systems from failing.

Your cheeks stung with cold as soon as you walked into the warm coffee shop, filing into line. You tugged your beanie back slightly, feeling flush and iced at the same time. The line had stopped moving along as the woman at the head began arguing with increasing annoyance with the barista.

“This is a raspberry mocha, it should be a raspberry white mocha. And I said extra hot, and no whip! Not extra whip!”

The coffeeshop was staffed by all humans, a rare sight merely a few months ago, but now one that was required. But this meant the return of human error-- something that people were still getting used to again.

“Sounds like she could have done with the extra whip as a child…” you muttered, and the man in front of you chuckled. He was bundled like the rest of the people in here, with a beanie and gloves, but his jacket was considerably less bulky and more of the sleek kind you were used to seeing fashion conscious people picking.

“If only it were enough to also correct her terrible tastes.” the man said, casting a glance over his shoulder at you. He had warm brown eyes, “I have been told the addition of sugar to coffee is an affront. Specifically the fruit imitation kind.”

“Only if your fifty and grouchy.” you replied, “Or in your case, more like a hipster.”

A scoff. He’d turned now, addressing you fully and you could see the crisp white shirt and tie at the V where his jacket was unzipped.

“”Hipster”, defined as a person who follows the latest trends and fashions outside of the cultural mainstream.” he said, his eyes doing a quick trip up and down you, “Your jacket is a vintage remake, circa 2003. Very obscure label.”

You felt yourself grin, “Is it? You tell me, hippy. Seems you’re the expert.”

“I just did.” he said and you couldn’t help but wonder how long he practiced the “innocent confusion” tone.

You’d reached the front at last and sure enough the man ordered one black coffee to go.

“You’re killing me. I’m getting second hand heartburn just looking at that pitiful thing.”

He smiled, but did not drink, watching you with leveled interest. It was your turn to order. You sighed and fished out your notepad, quickly running off the drink orders on it. Caramel macchiato, Cinnamon dolce with an extra shot, unicorn frappe, London fog....

“The usual then?” the barista said with a smile and you nodded.

When you were finished, the Hipster was still there, “Ma’am, I do not know how to tell you this, but I think you may have a caffeine based addiction.”

“They aren’t all for me!” you laughed, shaking your head, “And it’s --- , “Ma’am” is my mother.”

“Her parents had an interesting choice of name.”

That got another laugh from you, this guy was turning out to be the highlight of your morning. He tilted his head as if not certain where the joke was and it only made you laugh more.

“Your comedic timing is really something.” you muttered, picking up the full drink cart and realizing with a little disappointment it was time to part ways. He smiled politely, stepping out of your way.

He held the door for you on the way out and headed for a car waiting on the curb. There was an older guy at the wheel, who leaned half into the passenger seat to give him a critical look.

“Well, have a good morning, hippy.” you said, flashing him the brightest smile, “Certainly improved mine.”

“You are welcome. May I ask though, which drink was yours?”

“Why?”

“I am curious and wish to form a value judgement based on the choice.”

Man, he was so good at that deadpan humor. The man in the car honked his horn at him, voice muffled as he yelled through the glass something about “freezing his balls off in here”.

With Hipster distracted you took the time to hurry off, calling out a quick, “You’ll just have to guess!” before heading briskly down the sidewalk.

Another day, another coffee run, but this time it was just for you. The sky was blotted grey, fluffy clusters of snow falling slowly through the air as if they too couldn't be bothered to rush in the morning. You would have done anything to have stayed in bed, wrapped in a heated blanket and nested in a sea of pillows.

Instead, you stood in line, bleary eyed and tired, because you were out of ground coffee again.

It was that very sleepiness that made you not notice immediately the face of the person ahead who was raising a hand at you in greeting.

It was the guy, the handsome hipster guy from a few weeks ago with his one black coffee, his sleek jacket and red beanie. Your heart pattered and you resisted an urge to punch yourself in your own stupid chest as a silent demand to cut that out.

“Good morning!” he said, with far too much pep.

You smiled faintly, mumbling a vague, “Is it…” beneath your breath as you approached the counter.

“It is currently overcast, but the cloud coverage has raised temperatures ten degrees. My partner informed me that, “sounds like a good morning”.”

“Your partner sounds old.” you said with a snort.

“He is middle aged.”

When had this guy gotten so close? He was practically standing next to you now like you’d come in together, eyes flicking occasionally between you and the menu.

Cute, but weird. You decided, turning back to the barista. You opened your mouth to order and then clicked it shut, fixing the Hipster with a knowing glare.

“Eavesdropping?”

“Excuse me?”

“Value judgement.” you said, voice assured. You turned to the barista and grinned, “One black coffee please.”

You shot him a triumphant look, but the man just continued smiling politely.

“Have your concerns of pyrosis been elevated, ---?” he said, forgetting almost that you’d told him your name.

“I’ll suffer if it means I win.” you replied, taking the cup and moving to fill it with black coffee with a look of disdain.

He gave a peculiar look at that, as if registering some kind of understanding.

“Your mission to prevent me from learning your drink preference takes priority.”

“Damn straight.” you said, sipping the bitter liquid and trying to tell yourself it tasted like VICTORY and not like your stomach was about to be wrecked.

Before you could speak, the door rattled as someone forced it open, waltzing into the shop with determination.

“CONNOR-- how long does it fuckin’ take to get one coffee?”

Connor looked unfazed, turning his attention to the man you recognized as the guy who waited in the car last time.

“Lieutenant Anderson, I have acquired the coffee and was just on my way to join you. However, I stopped to engage in social intercourse, as you’ve encouraged.”

“Social WHAT--” the Lieutenant’s eyes settled on you and he humphed, “Oh. You were talkin’ to a girl. Jesus fuck, how’d that work for ya?”

His question seemed directed at Connor, but he looked at you the entire time, mystified. Or at least what you gathered was mystified beneath the permanent scowl.

“It is going very well!” Connor said, allowing the man to take his coffee.

“Ah ha!” you suddenly exclaimed, jabbing a finger towards the lieutenant and turning to Connor for validation, “Fifty and grouchy! Yeah?”

The look Anderson gave you was as annoyed and baffled now as he gave Connor.

“Okay, if you’re done with your social fuckin’, can we please get to the office? Before I start collecting social security?”

You choked, snorting a bit of coffee.

“In a moment, lieutenant.” Connor said cooly.

With a few grumbled protests, the lieutenant left the shop and headed back outside, leaning against the side of the car and shooting glares at Connor through the glass.

“Lieutenant Hank Anderson is my partner. I apologize, he can be abrasive.”

“Uh huh. So if the black coffee is for him, then please tell me you have a super secret love of pumpkin spice. C’mon, it’ll make my morning.”

“Like the last time we spoke?” Connor inquired, inclining his head.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Then certainly.”

“Well now I know you’re lying.” you laughed, all feelings of sleepiness gone as you beamed up at this Connor. There was something so curious yet so gentle in the way he looked back at you, as if you were a puzzle, but a pleasingly difficult puzzle.

It made you feel a bit awkward now that you noted it, clearing your throat as you swapped the coffee between your mittened hands.

“Here.” you finally said, handing him the cup. His eyes widened.

“C’mon, take it. Save me from myself.”

Connor looked like he was about to say something, but confusion turned to understanding. He took the coffee cup.

“... thank you.” he said, with a level of reverence that made her sure he must be kidding.

“Eh, just consider it me pouring one out for “our boys in blue”.”

His eyes flicked to yours, as if trying to pry some answer to an unspoken question.

“Ya know-- cause you’re both cops, right?”

“Y..yes. Right.” Connor slowly smiled, “Yes we are. Thank you.”

“It’s just a dollar coffee, hippy.” you said, but still smiled. What the hell had gotten into you? Your damn face hurt from all the smiles you were giving this guy.

“Have a safe patrol.” you said finally, hurrying away before you did something else clearly awkward and embarrassing.

“---?” the sound of your name halted you.

“Yeah?”

“I ...enjoy talking with you. Perhaps we can converse more.”

Fuck. Fuck, oh shit. Oh god, handsome funny hippy boy wanted to talk to you? You?? More??? When was the last time something like this happened to you? Oh right, NEVER.

You stammered, mixing between trying to seem aloof and actually being flustered and managing to just be alooflustered. Which looked ridiculous.

“Um.. okay. Okay! Just uh--” you took a pen from the nearby drink pick-up counter and popped the cap off with your teeth. You gestured for his cup, which he handed over, and wrote your number across the white surface along with your name.

“There.”

He turned the cup, saw what you’d written and grinned, a bright all consuming thing that seemed both foreign and so fucking adorable on his lips.

“Lieutenant Anderson will be thrilled.” he said and you barked a laugh.

“Yeah well, better hurry and go show him before he leaves you.”

Connor nodded gravely, as if this were a truly high possibility he was just reminded of.

“Talk to you later, Connor.”

“Yes. “Talk to you later”.”

He left, hurrying to the car. You watched Hank’s rested-annoyed-face twist with confusion, pointing to the cup in Connor’s hand, to which Connor proudly displayed what must have been your number. The man’s jaw nearly hit the snow covered ground, quickly ushering Connor into the car with his mouth moving rapidly.

A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips, “God. What a dork…”

You were so engrossed you barely heard when the barista, eyes nearly rolling out of their head said,

“Hey lady, are you gonna get anything!?”

#dbh connor #dbh connor x reader #dbh connor x f!reader #detroit become human #detroit become human fanfic #detroit become human fanfiction #dbh fanfic #dbh fanfiction #i made you awkward and not a cop #you a grad student #hence why you are fueled on coffee and sarcasm #the ostensive fumblings of being human

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hiddensummitgp · 5 years

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Try it for Yourself

I have made fitness a core part of my life for the past 14+ years and throughout this journey, and believe me it has been a journey, I have always wanted to know what works best. Is there a specific diet that will give me my ideal body? Is there a fitness program that outshines the rest? I believe we all have these questions and more like It.

Even now, when making health and fitness my career, I still find myself conflicted on what I should be doing. I have read so many different articles, blogs, and books on what works best. It seems as though the science is always changing and the popular opinion is always there to back it up. The more research I do the more conflicting word I find. One diet will tell me not to eat carbs and focus on my fats. Another diet will tell me the complete opposite and say I need to always be eating carbs with high protein and very low fat. Some say not to eat throughout the day. Some say to constantly eat smaller meals. Some programming will suggest to keep up high cardio workouts while incorporating little weight lifting. Some just yoga. Some just weights. Some allow desserts. Some allow grains. Some allow sugar. Some this. Some that. The list of differences goes on and on and on. So what's the best way to find out what works best for you? My advice...Try it for yourself.

More specifically, to help you out, this is what I have started to do. I am going one by one through the different types of diets and programming to see which one my body reacts best to. For example, just last month I gave intermittent fasting a shot. I gave myself an eight-hour eating window from 11AM to 7PM every day. Nothing but coffee and water before or after. It was hard at first. The hunger was real. I had to force myself not to eat before and after the allotted window and it definitely took some mental reserve. I found that I went through some mood swings. I lost brain power and focus. My short term memory was affected and I just did not feel good, but eventually, it became easier, just like anything else you work at in life.

In the beginning, because I knew my body would be adjusting to the different intake in calories, I eased up on my workouts. Eventually, my energy levels went up. I actually felt great. My mind was alert and I slept like a baby. Once all that felt like the norm, I ramped my workouts back up to what I was doing before the diet. I soon came to realize that my body could not function the same way on this food plan. I went back to feeling the negative affects. I was struggling to get in a sufficient amount of calories. In order to get enough calories to sustain my energy levels I needed to eat gigantic meals, which just made me groggy afterward, or I had to eat constantly throughout the eight-hour window, which was very time consuming and made my hunger come back after my window ended, again making me moody and uncomfortable. A lot of the time I could not get enough calories in during my window and in return, my workouts suffered and I would crash in the middle of them. Those were the negatives.

But it was not all negative. From this process, I learned a lot about my body and what it wants and needs. I found that my sleep is much more sound and effective when I have an empty stomach. Because of this I now try my best to no longer eat past 7:30PM. I learned that eating massive meals does actually make me sleepy which in turn slows down my brain making me less productive. So now I make sure I portion out my meals. When I began my eating window on an empty stomach, I would start it off with different foods to see how they affected my body and made me feel. Because of this, I found some foods that my body does and does not like. I discovered the number of calories I actually need in order to train as hard as I would like to, and there were a couple of others things that I learned as well. All in all, intermittent fasting is not for me, but I learned how it affects the body and I can now tell you about it much more in depth because I have tried it for myself.

The point is, I could have read every book there is on intermittent fasting and regurgitated facts to anyone who asked me about it, but then the fact would still remain that I would not truly have known what exactly intermittent fasting was like. I would not have gotten to feel the side affects for myself....You can study how to play the piano all your life, but until you sit down and start touching those keys, you will never truly know how to play....The same goes for fitness and nutrition. If you want to know what works for you, you need to start trying things. You know your body better than anyone, but that does not mean that you have mastered it. Continue to learn. Continue to grow. Become better.

#becomebetter #health & fitness #hiddensummit #motivation #health #healthylifestyle #fitness #intermittentfasting #exploremore #today i learned

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eldritchsurveys · 6 years

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o83.

[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x ]] 1. When you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, what kinds of things are you likely to do? How often do you find you have trouble sleeping? >> I read when that happens. I don’t have trouble sleeping all that often, but sometimes I’ll have trouble getting to sleep (especially if sleep paralysis is getting in the way) or staying asleep. They’re not really chronic issues, though, and are pretty recent developments.

2. What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? >> I can’t remember the last time I had to fill out something like this. Maybe when I first visited Heartside Clinic?

3. Are you a patient person? What is one way you have a lot of patience? What about not very much patience at all? >> I have a pretty high capacity for patience, just in general. Specific situations that might cause me to be impatient are things like waiting to go somewhere cool or dealing with a situation that I have no investment in but am forced to deal with anyway for whatever reason.

4. At what time during the day do you tend to feel your best? What about the worst? >> I don’t know. I feel pretty much the same no matter the time of day, unless I’m sleepy.

5. What was the last thing you did that you wish you could take back or do differently? >> I guess I could wish I hadn’t had Sparrow take me to Urgent Care when the situation magically cleared itself up on the way there, but the walk back home wasn’t too bad and no lasting harm was done, so... like, whatever.

6. Are there any blogs that you check first thing in the morning or on a regular basis? In general, what kinds of blogs do you like to follow? >> I get notifications for updates from some blogs, so I’ll just check those blogs when I do phone-related activities in the morning, and sometimes throughout the day depending on what else I’m doing. I follow way too many blogs to have a type, lol.

7. How frequently do you stay overnight somewhere that isn’t your own home? What things do you miss about home when you’re away? Do you tend to get homesick easily? >> I stay overnight at other places so infrequently that I actually have a difficult time falling asleep anywhere that isn’t home or the Wayland house (for the first night, particularly; after that, it evens out). The Wayland house gets off easy I guess because I stayed there for the first month when I moved out here. I usually just miss the freedom of being in my own apartment and knowing where everything is and having all my stuff within reach. But I wouldn’t say I get homesick per se, like I love to be other places; I sometimes get the “I want to go home” feeling when I’m overloaded, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I actually want to go home, ya dig.

8. Do you tend to eat more in the beginning of the day or at night? Do you have a tendency to snack when you’re bored? If so, what kinds of snacks do you normally go for? >> I’m not sure. It’s summer right now, so I just eat less in general, which makes my eating habits more nebulous and harder to track. I snack sometimes when I need something else to do with my hands/face, but sometimes I just chew gum for that.

9. If you have any dietary restrictions, do you ever miss foods you can’t have? If not, what’s something you haven’t had for a long time that you wish you could eat again? >> I would love to eat Louisiana food again. One day.

10. What was the best thing to happen to you today? What about the worst? >> I won a $15 Wendy’s gift card at Resident Appreciation Day (Sparrow won $25 to Papa John’s, which we’re going to use later today). The worst thing is, I guess, that I didn’t win the $25 AMC Theaters card, because I really wanted that. :p

11. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? >> I don’t do well on phone calls and I avoid them as much as possible. I am also pretty unemployable.

12. When was the last time you changed your opinion on a relatively big or serious issue? Overall, do you feel your opinions on things have changed a lot since you were younger or do you still feel the same about many things? What is one opinion you never see yourself changing? >> I don’t remember the last time that happened. But yeah, my opinions on things have definitely changed -- or, expanded might be a better word -- since I was younger... as an especially mercurial individual, I’d be kind of weirded out if they hadn’t. I don’t think I’ll ever change my opinion on religion, though -- I will always be fascinated by it and supportive of it in general, and I will also remain unsupportive of specific religious practices that divide and belittle people.

13. If you have a mental illness, in what ways has it made your life different from those around you? What challenges have you faced, what have you overcome, and what have you had to miss out on? >> I think of myself as neurodivergent, despite the fact that I haven’t been tested for that -- I could be wrong, of course, but then that’d just make all these experiences I’ve had in life even weirder than they already are. Neurodivergence is actually the Occam’s Razor conclusion here. So that would mean my brain developed differently than is common, and my perceptions and philosophies and understanding of the world around me are equally divergent from what is common. I process things differently, I experience emotions differently, I socialise differently, and so on. It’s a pretty pervasive thing. My social development was pretty stunted until adulthood (when I was able to do something about it). I had to learn the intricacies of communication, the differences in the way I respond to things and the ways other people do, how to navigate the world without sticking out like a sore thumb, how to recognise danger, how to avoid social traps, all that shit -- and I guess I picked both a great and terrible place to learn all that stuff in, in NYC, but at least I managed. I’ve missed out on childhood because I feel like I really wasn’t fully present for it, trapped in my own head as I was; I’ve missed out on half of high school because I was usually hospitalised (I’d developed a moderate-to-severe cutting habit due to trauma); I fell off the socially-accepted life path somewhere in high school and never managed to get back on (once the train leaves the station, catching up only gets more and more difficult as time goes on). None of this really bothers me by now, because if there’s one thing a born wanderer will always do, it’s carve a place for itself no matter where it is. I have blazed my own trail. It is mine alone, and I am glad for it -- because no other path would have suited me.

14. Again, if you have MH issues, do you ever wonder what your life would’ve been like without them? If you could snap your fingers and make your illness disappear, would you? Or would something stop you from doing this, and if so, what? >> I mean, I guess I’ve wondered that for funsies, but I can’t imagine being anyone but myself, so. (And the thing about neurodivergence is that it’s literally built into the fabric of who a person is -- if my brain had developed “normally”, I wouldn’t be the same person at all. And I can’t imagine myself as anyone else, so the imagining falls apart.) I do not want to snap my fingers and make a completely different person appear in my place. I do love who I am, it’s just difficult being who I am sometimes. I can handle a little difficulty. I’ve done so this far, after all.

15. Are you good at getting along with other people even if they have vastly different views from yours? When was the last time you had to interact with someone like this, and how did it go? >> Yeah, I can usually get along with someone if I really feel like it, no matter what they think -- with some limits, obviously (there’s no way I’m ever going to get along with a neo-Nazi, let’s be serious). But here’s the thing: most of the time, I don’t care enough to try in the first place, lmao. So it doesn’t matter.

16. What is one way you show another person you care about them? What are things that make you feel cared about in return? >> If I give someone my time and attention, I usually care about them in some fashion. I really don’t just go giving that out, and I don’t feel bad about withholding it if I don’t care about someone enough. Like, what are they going to do, be mean to me? Big deal, I’d have to care for that to matter. So if I care, I at least want to pay attention to them and listen to what they have to say and try to understand where they’re coming from even if I don’t fully grok it. It’s the effort, I guess -- I put effort in. As a pretty apathetic person, that means a lot coming from me, even if other people see it as unremarkable. I feel cared about when people pay attention to me and remember things I’ve said and respect my boundaries and appreciate my creations and encourage me and stuff.

17. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? >> I don’t remember. I was probably indifferent emotion-wise, but like... idk, if I say “congratulations” then I at least want you to feel good about whatever it is you did or got. I don’t have to feel anything for that to be true.

18. Are you typically happy for other peoples’ successes? Was there ever a time you just couldn’t bring yourself to be, no matter what? >> I’m typically emotionally indifferent to other people’s successes, but I still want them to succeed. Like, I wouldn’t discourage them or downplay their success, I’m just not going to jump around the room or whatever-the-fuck. It’s okay, I don’t expect anyone to do it to me, either (unless they want to, obviously). And yeah, there are plenty of times when envy or dislike or whatever prevented me from even going through the motions of happiness on their behalf. It be’s like that sometimes.

19. What was the last milestone you reached in your life (graduating, buying a car, starting a family, etc)? What milestone are you going for next, if any? >> The last milestone of that nature I reached was co-signing the lease for this apartment, I guess? I don’t know. What even is a milestone. I want my next milestone to be moving out of this place, tbh. But I think the next one is probably marriage, unless we really do move in March when our lease is up again.

20. Do you feel as though you’ve lived your life according to what society typically expects, or is your life more unconventional? >> No, my life has been quite unconventional. This is the most conventional it’s been since the beginning, and that’s why I’m often so weird about it. Sometimes, to a wild thing, safety can feel like a cage. It’s a brain glitch, don’t mind it.

21. Do you enjoy getting comments or messages? How likely are you to leave comments or messages for other people? >> Sure, I like to socialise. I don’t know how likely I am to do it -- just whenever the desire strikes, I guess. I don’t think too hard about it.

22. How would you describe your handwriting? Is it what comes naturally, or have you ever purposely worked to improve or stylize your handwriting in a particular way? Do you know anyone who has particularly interesting or unusual handwriting? >> My handwriting used to be damn good, especially seeing as I was raised by someone with impeccable handwriting and calligraphy skills, but it’s degraded as I started to buy my own computers and shit. Now I’m almost exclusively a typer, and I haven’t written anything by hand that wasn’t an address on an envelope or a short form for some government thing in a long time. But my handwriting is still better than Sparrow’s, lmao, so she always has me write things out. I could always get better at it again, because it’s not difficult; I just have to care enough. I’m still considering it.

23. When are you most likely to scream (either out of fright, anger, or whatever)? Do you scream or yell often? When was the last time someone screamed at you (or in your presence)? >> I don’t scream, really. I don’t even like yelling, I just... I have one of those voices, lmao -- it’s quiet usually, but when I get passionate or upset about something, it really projects. I’d probably be great on a stage. The last time I recall being screamed at was over the holidays, at the Wayland house. Not an event I really feel like rehashing, either.

24. Do you ever ignore other people? How do you tend to react to being ignored by someone? >> Sure, I've done that. Just not frequently. I usually ignore people when they’re either trying to piss me off (like a troll on tumblr) or trying to manipulate me into responding by being antagonistic. I can’t remember the last time I was legitimately ignored by someone, so I don’t know how I’d react. I’d probably just go on about my business, like... what’s the point of doing anything else, really? Maybe whine to Can Calah about it, or something.

25. When was the last time you felt like your feelings werent being respected? Do you think you do a good job of respecting the feelings of others? >> The last time I felt like that was when I was trying to set boundaries for myself in my last relationship, and it felt like I shouldn’t even want what I wanted (listen, don’t ask, by now I don’t even remember why it felt that way), but like, that’s ancient history now. (I mean, it is to me, anyway. The only reason I thought about it now is because it’s the answer to the question, but other than now I haven’t thought about it any time recently.) I don’t know if I do a good job of respecting the feelings of others; I just do my best and hope it’s good enough. Isn’t that all any of us do?

26. If you have a pet, what is one personality quirk that they have? If you don’t have pets, was there ever a time when you had one or wanted one? >> I’ve had pets briefly, but really, I don’t... even want one at this point. They’re more trouble than I have patience for.

27. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? >> I don’t know what my strongest or weakest emotion is. I’m really not emotionally connected, in case that isn’t already clear, lmao.

28. When was the last time you were up to see the sunrise? Do you tend to pay attention to things like that (sunrises, sunsets, rainstorms, etc) or do you not really care about that sort of thing? >> I was awake at the time of sunrise this morning, but I wasn’t watching it or anything. I do pay attention to the weather, but I won’t necessarily drop what I’m already doing to pay attention to it. Unless it’s a thunderstorm. I love those.

29. What was the last thing you bought for someone else? What about the last thing someone bought for you? And the last thing you bought yourself? >> The last thing I bought for someone else was... I think a book for Rez’s birthday? That was months ago, but I don’t think I’ve bought anything else? Unless it was something for Sparrow, but like, we live in the same household, we just kinda spend our money that way by default. The last thing someone bought for me (that wasn’t Sparrow) was the mindfulness book that Hallie bought me last month. The last thing I bought myself was a Gatorade (lmao not a hot one! a blue FROSTI BOI) and a pack of bubble gum.

30. How do you feel about the day you’ve been having so far? Or if it’s just started, what kinds of things do you plan to do today? >> My day was all right. A good old Saturday.

#surveys #random survey #survey

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babblingbat · 6 years

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Various Characters I meant to post Months ago

Various Characters of mine

I have so many I want to write (some) of them down! This is a suuuuuper long post so more under the cut! Includes a spy, a crime lord/activist, and a bargaining warlock (I have to reblog this later bc tumblr threw a hissy fit about the length)

- Kinda in a Bond-esque spy agency, but more of a contractor

- When everything goes to shit, you can count on them to fix it

- Nonbinary protege of whoever is in charge of the tech division (Mezza? Sloane? Dixon? idk, but they have a hell of a shady past and there’s like… noooothing that can keep Sloane out of computer systems)

- X isn’t formally recognized by APO (authorized personnel only, the spy agency) but they do have access to all information because of a backdoor Sloane made

- So I guess the name is Sloane

- Anyways, X goes on the black ops of black ops, typically with either mercenaries or no back-up at all

- Thus trust issues and like the opposite of dependency - they have so much trouble asking for things but are willing to help anyone or offer material assistance - if they have it

- X is nonbinary and really doesn’t have any preferences on pronouns, as long as they aren’t he/him or she/her

- They’re also autistic and shut down if there’s too much loud noise or if they’re just too tired for some reason - sometimes this means going nonverbal or just Not Functioning and their favorite way to feel better is to sit on the ground, wrap themselves in a blanket and listen to music - so in conclusion they don’t really use guns unless there’s a silencer, and they aren’t v good with them

- A huge part of their espionage function is language!

- They speak German, Spanish, Japanese, FSL, and ASL all idiomatically

- They also speak Russian, French, and Afrikaans, but not fluently

- They can swear and count to ten in Korean and Czech

- They’re pursuing a PhD in computational linguistics, though APO gets in the way

- They’re 24, and have a bizarre set of skills because both of their job, previous jobs and jobs they hold as a cover to pretend they pay their taxes, and special interests

- Sloane is only 7 years older than them, and recruited X out of high school

- At first it was small things, like ‘pick up this book from Elm Street and drop it at Main’ but it got bigger after they graduated

- When X turned 18, they went through formal training - protocol, combat, and analysis

- They’d done some martial arts before hand, but not much punching, mostly kicking, throws, and staffs (5 and 6 feet)

- X’s main job is to clean up messy situations, usually by stealing things or extractions, and their own ops are less combat oriented than the clean ones

- X is not the best at math, not by a long shot, but they can see patterns from a mile away

- “I am the fact guardian, guardian of the facts!” “Puzzles quiver before them!” “FUCK OFF”

- They do simple division when bored and solve a lot of math things by finding patterns and using them

- X is both their designation in the agency (as in ‘x factor’) and their actual name- they use an alias for college

- They live with a few people, most of whom complain at their erratic sleep schedule and ask that please, for the love of god, X gets sleep meds and just a solid 8 hours, for once

- Sloane eventually sends X on an op to extract Mel, Sloane’s girlfriend and top operative

- X doesn’t know what to tell Mel, so mostly they just tell them that things will be answered later

- Mel asks Sloane, who reluctantly explains X’s role, and this sets some things into motion of X eventually being brought into the spotlight

- They have several hearings about their activities

- Eventually, Seville (who runs things? I guess) tells them to carry on as they do, reporting directly to Sloane, but they are recognized now by the APO

- There are three other things I want to fit in:

- Goes missing for [period of time], leaving a very close friend behind, comes back after being presumed dead and no memories, apparently solved a conspiracy and now has many illegal friends who all enjoy thievery

- Magic is a thing (because it wouldn’t be my words if it wasn’t lmao) and common enough that people know it exists but rare enough that it’s kinda intimidating and sometimes people will freak out about it, despite plenty of people having it.

X has/develops magic at some point but is terrified to tell anyone and tries to hide it from their team (which is now their family, love that trope) because they don’t want to be barred from the APO, but it comes out accidentally during a mission

- X’s infodumping saves the day somehow

The Celestian

- K so this is more about an organization, but the Celestian lives in a like a 1920s fantasy setting and likes dancing

- They run a social activism group masquerading as a crime network that uses queer bars and stuff as fronts

- To get money, they dance competitively with their bodyguard and d8m8, the BFF (butch femme fatale) who identifies as a nb lesbian

- To get into any of the places where actual political dismantling and activism happens, who have to have very specific patterns on your nails - nail painting is a method of communication and is also a huge teambuilding exercise

- There are different codes for everything

- When cops try and get in (they can only find the places if they have a member of the Queer Folk), the code is “blue denim” and then the person caught tells the police they need nail polish and then laugh as they get caught, as if they were bullshitting the whole thing

- Other things are called “10:50 am” which looks like a sleepy eye

- Or “songbird rhapsody” which is also a popular song that the Celestian sings at clubs

- Or “money” which is just a green splotch on all the nails

- If you’re a member of the Queer Folk, you get a crate monthly of money and nail polish, and special things on birthdays and holidays

- The Queer Folk do everything from organize protests to take kids in and try to pay for their education through crime - as in robbery from different places

- Their crimes always have a certain flair to them - they value creativity and snazziness

- The Celestian is like 5’ 3” (which, to be fair, is 3 inches taller than I am) and the BFF picks them up a lot

- They don’t like alcohol or caffeine but drink herbal tea 24/7

- If they don’t, something is very, very wrong

- They have a prosthetic leg

Red

- Literally in high school

- A warlock! They traded their gender and all “gender identifying features” to a trans demon for magic powers

- The demon mostly asks them to get coffee and stuff because the demon isn’t very good at bargaining and just wanted Red’s gender, but it’s expected of a patron to keep using the warlock for things

- (on the demon phone) “hey so this is super duper important and if you could get it in the next half hour that’s the best thing”

“what is it”

“alright so go to the corner of Lincoln and Greenleaf, turn three times to your right, once to your left, and a door should open behind you. Don’t try to turn towards it, just fall backwards”

“if I fall onto poison ivy or concrete I’m breaking my fucking contract”

“No, no no no, you’ll appear in that good good heaven spot”

“… the coffee shop?”

- Red focuses on science in their school

- Every interaction is a deal. E V E R Y I N T E R A C T I O N

- Breakfast? “I’ll give you the salt if you hand over the pancakes”

- Entering a building? “Hold the door open and I’ll give you praise”

- School? “You want me to tell you what I do in my spare time? Give me an A on my midterm and I’ll tell you”

- The last one has left a lot of teachers confused and more than a little scared of the silly little nerd in their class

- Honestly, they have straight A’s because they make deal after deal about grades. They never cheat on tests, but they make deals, hold people to them, and know what they’re doing

- Red’s demon is getting a little worried with all the deals

- Red is most accustomed to deals rather than anything else because they think that unequal exchange (i.e., gifts) is really suspect

- That said, Red has no problems altering “equal” exchange to benefit them

- If they ever became a business owner, they would be terrifying

- They want everything to turn out the best it can for every one but… are not fans of laws

- They have many Opinions on law, its enforcement, and the government

- That cousin that will tell you constantly about how the government is corrupt and should be rebooted with the youngest people as the primary interest

- Anarchy? Not quite, but revolution? Most definitely

- No angst, just high school silliness and chaos

- Has no idea what’s going on 90% of the time - a kid on a sportsball team did something amazing, people started treating him like shit for adults liking him, and Red had no idea until like 3 months later

- Red just kinda lives in their head

- Did they hear what you just said? Nah, but they sure did hear that wristwatch every time it clicked on the second.

- Likes the sound of adventure, but mostly gets lost in Ikea and makes deals with the eldritch monsters in the mattress section

- SUCH A SHITTY SENSE OF DIRECTION, COULD GET LOST IN A GRID WITH MAPS AT EVERY INTERSECTION

- Charismatic, but mostly in the sense of lying their ass off and persuading people

- Once tried to go a day without making a deal (on a dare), ended by making a deal to not have to ever do that again

- Businesses both hate and love them - they pay for nothing but will bargain away odd things of equivalent value every time and catch shoplifters, dislikes shoplifters because it’s not a fair trade

- Bizarrely good luck with finding things in pockets, particularly to “pay” for things

#my ocs #red (oc)#X (oc)#the celestian #crime #warlock #dnd #d&d #dungeons and dragons #there was another dude that was supposed to be in this collection sort of thing but tumblr screamed at me when I tried to add them so ¯\_(ツ)#my writing #how am i supposed to tag again #please ask me about these kiddos #thanks

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inspirited-goddess · 6 years

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10 Questions Tag

Tagged by the super sweet and amazing @lady-redshield-writes probably a week ago and I’m just now getting to it? I’m such a procrastinator ugh but here I go!

Rules: Answer these ten questions, create ten of your own, then tag ten people.

1. Do you like to mix genres when you write?

Honestly I don’t really pay attention to this? I mean the main genre I’m currently writing for is fantasy action/adventure but I guess sub genres could be romance and suspense/mystery. As far as “mixing”, I don’t do it intentionally, so I don’t have an opinion.

2. Do you set aside specific time for writing, or just write whenever you can?

Uhh...I try to write every night (because the night is the only time I’m guaranteed peace and quiet and privacy) but sometimes I get too sleepy. For the most part I “write whenever I can” (which is always, but I’m a procrastinator sadly and I haven’t got a handle on my laziness yet)

3. Would you ever want your WIP to become a TV show or movie?

This might end up sounding crazy, but too often I imagine it becoming one. I like to fantasize me being successful off my writing and having a fanbase, etc, and that often leads me to imagine movies for my entire series, and then a spinoff TV show series. I think about it a lot, and I imagine scenes in my head in the “movie” format. It’s really cool imo and in my head

4. What’s your favorite OC relationship? (Doesn’t have to be romantic!)

Thinking about my response to this question while listening to music is overwhelming me with lovey feels, omg. But anyway...

My favorite OC relationship (and you have no idea how hard it is for me to choose one) has to be between Bruce and Vanessa, otherwise known as Ness. They’ve known each other since they were little kids and they’re married in my series, and thinking about them makes me so happy because as friends, lovers, and warriors, they’ve been through so much together and alone. They were the first real relationship I remember thinking of for my series, and it makes it even better that they have a healthy relationship. (Not that i would EVER write anything unhealthy, ew.) I just love them so much. And their bond with their best friends Phil and Elise is literally the greatest, oh my god.

5. Read anything good recently?

Yes! EVE: The Awakening by Jenna Moreci is currently my second favorite book is the world, topped only by The Savior’s Champion by the same author, which is released April 24th! I’m so excited, b/c Jenna is a super talented author and vlogger I look up to :)

6. Which character is on your mind right now?

This question is the devil because I usually have more than one character on my mind at all times, BUT I’m listening to some really great music right now and at the same time I read this question, the beat dropped in the song and made me think of my OC Elizabeth, a badass Warrior Princess who wields the Four Seasons Claymores, weapons molded to harness the powers of water, earth, fire and air. The song I’m listening to currently has me imagining her in a really epic battle, and I love her <3

7. Are there any settings you like to write about? (Forests, oceans, deserts, etc.)

The eventual main setting of my series is the kingdom of Enchancia, and honestly I find that whenever I think of it and when I’m writing about it I get really happy. There’s ten cities in the entirety of the kingdom and they all have their own unique trait that make them stand out and I just love writing about them and the special warriors who live in each city. So yeah, basically Enchancia.

8. Would you want to live in the world(s) you’ve written about?

Hell yes, especially in Enchancia! It’s far more technologically advanced then us and much more prosperous, plus it’s super beautiful. Of the ten cities, I’d want to specifically live in Olympia, Enchancia, because my favorite characters live there and Olympia is known as the “Wondrous Warrior Wasteland”. It’s based off Ancient Greek and Rome and is the largest city in Enchancia.

9. How do you decide when you’re done planning and just have to start writing?

As of right now, I don’t plan/outline; I just open a document and start writing. This method has proven futile for me, though, so after I finish my current WIP, I will try my hand in various forms of outlining so I can better plan and pace my books.

10. Which character is most similar to you? Most different?

This is really tough, b/c I try to make my characters not like me, you know? The most different, though, would have to be Snowella, because she’s a strong individual who knows what she’s going to do with her life and how she’s going to get from point A to point B. She stands up firmly for what she believes in and never lets anyone sway her opinion or bring her down, and she’s confident in herself. She has several other great qualities I could list, but alas, let’s keep this short. I lack a lot of her attributes, but I’m slowly trying to work on fixing that.

Most like me, though? ...I’ll say Elizabeth. While she is more like Snowella in more ways than one, we also both have a desire to explore and see what the world has to offer. We both yearn to get wrapped up in crazy adventures with the hope of meeting some really great people along the way, and we're both in love with swords (lol). Elizabeth is one of my favorites and doing this made me realize we have some similarities! And now I’m getting some random urge to travel the world and meet new people...

I liked this activity a lot because it made me think, so thank you, @lady-redshield-writes!

Here are my questions:

1. Are you looking forward to reading/trying out any new books this year?

2. When was the last time you tried to write something outside your comfort zone?

3. What is your least favorite genre to read and/or write?

4. What is the craziest idea for a story you’ve ever gotten?

5. Besides writing stories, do you write anything else? (Like poetry, songs, etc.)

6. Are you a writer who hopes your works may one day be turned into a TV show or movie?

7. What would you say are your strengths in writing? Your weaknesses?

8. Do you have an OC(s) that makes you smile whenever you think of them?

9. What’s your favorite part of the writing process, besides writing?

10. What first inspired you to write, if you remember?

Tagging: @kclenhartnovels @dragonscanbeplantstoo @oheoo @writingguardian @quillwritten @writebruh @brynwrites @merigreenleaf @beefragment and @l-a-v-ender. I’m aware that some of you may not know me (but I tagged you because I thought you were a cool person and writeblr that i follow!) so don’t feel obligated to do this! We may only be acquaintances after all. And I don’t know who has or hasn’t done it so obviously don’t do it again if you don’t want to, but still feel free! Enjoy!

#writing tag #about me #ten questions tag #ten questions #tag game #writers on tumblr #writer friends #writeblr #writer tag

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risysir · 6 years

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wendyOctober 11, 2012 at 12:12 pm ∞Reply

AlecDecember 15, 2012 at 7:41 pm ∞Reply

Timothydean Clark!March 12, 2013 at 6:05 am ∞Reply

JKTJune 22, 2013 at 7:16 am ∞Reply

JaySeptember 26, 2013 at 6:43 am ∞Reply

manuelOctober 13, 2013 at 2:58 pm ∞Reply

michaelNovember 21, 2013 at 1:53 pm ∞Reply

RheaNovember 25, 2013 at 10:54 am ∞Reply

handsomeDecember 6, 2013 at 9:44 pm ∞Reply

FerryDecember 8, 2013 at 8:02 am ∞Reply

sergeyJanuary 31, 2014 at 11:28 pm ∞Reply

Azn dudeFebruary 18, 2014 at 4:35 pm ∞Reply

azn n dapantsMarch 12, 2014 at 12:29 am ∞Reply

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meApril 1, 2014 at 2:14 pm ∞Reply

Mario David Alvarado AmayaMay 15, 2014 at 3:36 pm ∞Reply

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JamesDecember 31, 2014 at 9:46 pm ∞Reply

MikeJanuary 16, 2015 at 9:48 pm ∞Reply

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Jskuu1November 22, 2015 at 1:08 pm ∞Reply

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nu.mai.sunt.la.modăMarch 16, 2016 at 6:19 am ∞Reply

PalenakaMarch 17, 2016 at 6:42 pm ∞

love this post! i think it’s tricky because when someone goes to hit on you at a bar, it’s essentially because they found something about your looks intriguing (and race does play into the way you work, clearly), but why they think a racial pick-up line would work is beyond me.

Fermin GualFebruary 23, 2015 at 11:07 pm ∞Reply

harrysanOctober 13, 2015 at 8:47 pm ∞Reply

I am a Hispanic man, not dark of skin; but not white (far from it). I could relate to the dilema you face. Personally: I like Asian Women, not because they are physically different; but because they are more loyal than 90% of the other women.

wcMay 30, 2015 at 9:42 am ∞

charleyOctober 17, 2015 at 4:01 pm ∞

You like Asian women because “they are more loyal than 90% of the other women.”?

Isn’t this exactly what she is railing against? More loyal then 90% of what other women? You’ve obviously never been to a Thai hostess bar have you?

Way to completely miss the point of the article lol

You mean I should talk to Asian girls just like I would any other girl?

Radical concept……but that’s what you’re saying right?

I moved to Vancouver a number of years ago from hickville Nfld. The only Asians I had seen outside of TV were at a Chinese restaurant 150 miles away. Moving to Vancouver….well….law of averages says I’ll date at least 1 Asian girl….I dated a few actually, and ended up marrying a Japanese girl 13 years ago.

She liked that I didn’t know shit about Japan, or try to relate things to her ethnicity. The fact was, her family had been Canadian for several generations, and mine, only 2. So she was more Canadian than me,

She liked that I didn”t always talk about the fact she was japanese…and she thought my “never give up” attitude towards chopsticks endearing.

Bravo! i love how u’re not only pointing out the issue but also presenting these guys with solutions. In my opinion, these guys simply don’t know what to say, so they pick a characteristic that’s seen right of the bat AND what they presume would be unique and relatable. Except they’re really not that original or appropriate.

Thank you for the tips; I appreciate your candor. I always gravitate towards Asian girls and tend to ask about their specific ethnicity, because I am fascinated by the struggles that Asian-American girls faced growing up in America. The question is not part of my one-line pick ups that I default to in hopes that It will ignite a desire for me. Email me if you’d like to continue this conversation; I’d like pick your brain on this topic.

AradFebruary 15, 2015 at 4:41 pm ∞Reply

Soren Fde HolmOctober 29, 2015 at 1:00 pm ∞Reply

jordieNovember 8, 2015 at 9:22 pm ∞Reply

Can we go on a date

So fucking what? you can get past most of woman’s bullchit simply by NOT caring what they think. 4.3 billion asian people in the world . half are woman. thinking about what she like or don’t like is the first mistake you make while approaching a woman.Just move on ;)

GOD THIS IS A SAD ATTEMPT LOL

Thanks Chin for your advice i’ll try it out soon and see where it gets me although i’m one of those guys unfortunately who find all Asian women simply irresistible and desirable and I melt in there presence. I’m a warm hearted and very pollite guy but get lost at first base. Incidentally got any girlfriends in Sydney Australia I could practice with. Love the colour of your hair in the pic above you look a bit clique but none the less amazing.

I like how the last two comments are guys trying to act interested so they can hit on you or a friend.

dailychinupsNovember 25, 2013 at 12:54 pm ∞Reply

Ha yep. They help prove my point so I leave those comments on here.

Jskuu1November 22, 2015 at 2:00 pm ∞

“Yea e-mail me so i can pick your brain as well!!!” Bwahahahahahahahahahahahah…. my first comment about guys not shouldnt use racial pickup lines and that being common sense, yea i take that back!!!’ Most guys have no clue what to say so they say the first thing that pops in to their head and don’t even think if it is offensive, racist, or even tasteful. Reading some of these comments deff give guys a bad name all over… but they are deff entertaining

So this is a white girl in an Asian body, lost count on them a while back. In general some girls are worth talking while the rest are over decorated feces. The reason why out of every 100 girls one talks to only 15% are good candidates lol.

dailychinupsNovember 25, 2013 at 12:53 pm ∞Reply

Don’t pretend like you know me, and how dare you call me a white girl. It must be fun for you to hide cowardly behind an anonymous account and leaving hateful comments on the internet for people who try to provide helpful genuine points of view and share a piece of their real opinions.

Your dumb comments just serve as evidence why I felt like I needed to write articles on this subject.

“So this is an ignorant internet bully, disguised as an expert on the subject. Lost count on them a while back. In general, some people are worth my time while the rest are haters with no lives.”

JohnDecember 4, 2013 at 4:53 pm ∞

JayDecember 5, 2013 at 6:00 pm ∞

dailychinupsDecember 9, 2013 at 11:30 am ∞

JayMarch 23, 2014 at 5:53 pm ∞

dailychinupsMarch 24, 2014 at 7:45 am ∞

JayMarch 24, 2014 at 7:29 pm ∞

mikeMay 25, 2015 at 4:59 am ∞

JamesNovember 22, 2015 at 2:14 pm ∞

Nothing wrong with being white. But I can see why you’re offended

I didn’t pretend to know anything about you, you easily gave that away.

” Your dumb comments just serve as evidence why I felt like I needed to write articles on this subject.”

No, you do this because you have nothing else going and vent your frustrations here online for others to comment and critique. Nothing coward about that or it seems you can’t face criticism and only expect positive feedback to make yourself feel justified.

I don’t see were I put expert in my original post ( You made that up) Ignorant? Please specify Internet bully? I just gave you the flip side on your article in a fraction of the size

Haters with no lives? First I don’t have a reason to hate you or hate on you, second yes I do have a very busy life style. (see how long it took me to reply back to you?) So you just enjoy the rest of the day :)

Honey, I took 2 months to reply to your first comment. I think it’s time you learn some basic math. http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-10/enhanced/webdr05/24/13/anigif_enhanced-buzz-7251-1382635074-27.gif

You are not cute and can’t act cute I have talked to women with more common sense and look beyond what your limited thoughts bring out of you.

I’m going to borrow the wise words of Erin Gloria Ryan a writer from Jezebel here: “You may not agree with a woman, but to criticize her appearance — as opposed to her ideas or actions — isn’t doing anyone any favors, least of all you. Insulting a woman’s looks when they have nothing to do with the issue at hand implies a lack of comprehension on your part, an inability to engage in high-level thinking. You may think she’s ugly, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.”

¿Ugly? ¿Idiot? Well anyone has and will be doing idiotic things from time to time, all humans do that (you are no exception). But far from that you are now being childish and stupid, it seems you have very big issues and take it to heart when your views are placed into question. Your responses are nothing more but desperate moves to make yourself think you are on top, who are you really kidding? Yourself? You enjoy your evening.

Dear: You should not even feed into that negativity….. pls don’t stoop to their level!!! I’m very attracted to Asian women and I find myself at lost for words to strike a conversation so I just don’t say anything and I know its my loss if you don’t have nothing nice to say to people….. then don’t say anything!!!!!

Way to keep a cool head… don’t let assholes stop you from you from writing on any topics with genuine intentions… and im from Phiily so Im not saing these things to get into your pants… you just seem like a helpful, caring person and i wouldnt wanna see retarded assholes change the way you are or stop you from trying to help people or writing on any topic that you have genuine feelings toward for fear of what a few immature or ignorant idiots that like to hide behind keyboards

Why would you help the dumbasses pick up girls your interfering with a possible upward trend in the gene pools. Jkin there’s really now way to predict shifts in prevalent traits / attitudes but I r bored.

Hi, i live in Norway, i have a chinese girlfreind (in china) i have traveled there several times, month away 6 weeks home, you only get one 30 day visa at a time, I fell very in love with her beacause she is great kind and wonderfull person, nothing else, any girl can be this, not matter her racial origins, it is so wrong to make rude remarks to a nice girl and try to pick her up with lewd comments about ethnic origins, this auther is too kind to explain to the idiots what they are doing wrong,

Michael PriceFebruary 15, 2015 at 6:18 am ∞Reply

Hi, how did you meet your girlfriend, and howbased is best way to meet a lovely Chinese girl when I’m London based?

Michael PriceFebruary 15, 2015 at 6:38 am ∞

Sorry for the poor English grammar

So my boyfriend confessed to me that he likes the fact I’m Asian, because he thinks that Asian girls are raised to be and better at keeping themselves fit and healthy. He points to the fact that I’m always conscious about eating enough green veggies and not afraid of trying other weird-looking dishes. At the same time, I’m not going to starve myself. We met each other at a dance club, which keeps us both pretty active.

I wonder what you think of this stereotype? Is there some truth to it or is it just as aggravating as the other “Giants-fan” stereotypes you go into detail in your Yellow Fever article on bolditalic? And what would you think and say about the man who admits these prejudices?

dailychinupsNovember 25, 2013 at 12:46 pm ∞Reply

Hi Rhea,

I mean it sounds like your boyfriend just likes you for who you are. You are healthy, fit, and adventurous not because you’re Asian. You just are. Being Asian is definitely a big and important part of our identity. Why shouldn’t your boyfriend like that you’re Asian?

My main issues with Yellow Fever are when men expect certain behavior/personality out of Asian girls, and then they get mad when we aren’t like that, or when they don’t spend the time and effort to get to know and understand Asian women as unique individuals. Your boyfriend doesn’t sound like he does either of those things to me.

I think it’s healthy that he admits his preferences to you openly. He’s not trying to hide anything from you. Unless he makes gross generalizations about Asian women or force you to act a certain way, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Thanks for leaving this thoughtful comment!

P.S. I love dancing too! :)

EliApril 28, 2015 at 3:30 pm ∞

Hello, I think you shirked it with Rhea…. Why?

” So my boyfriend confessed to me that he likes the fact I’m Asian, because he thinks that Asian girls are raised to be and better at keeping themselves fit and healthy. He points to the fact that I’m always conscious about eating enough green veggies and not afraid of trying other weird-looking dishes”

That is a silly utterance and a self serving one from her boyfriend! So only Asian girls eat healthily and are best at keeping themselves healthy? I completely disagree. I like Asian girls but it is not due to them being healthier than other races or being fitter, nope, they most certainly are not :) That fella displays a serious case of jaundice.

If I was in the market for a girlfriend, I’d simply travel to Asia. I’m there most of the time and I like the fact that the girls there lack the baggage and insecurities that weighs down British Asian girls or Asian Americans etc. An example of this is BBC, ABC, CBC?

I hasten to add colour does not come into it but you stand accused of not dealing the brothers in :)

twinkie

dailychinupsDecember 9, 2013 at 11:27 am ∞Reply

Of course, any Asian Americans who speak out against Asian American stereotyping must be a twinkie because there’s no way that Asian Americans are unique individuals just like everyone else, right? http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-10/enhanced/webdr01/24/11/anigif_enhanced-buzz-4532-1382629227-29.gif

Hi, I live in The Netherlands and I am myself also from Asia. To be specifically from Indonesia. I am now a woman though, so I cannot talk from experience what you describe. I have been living here all my life , I was adopted when I was 4 months old. I have a brother and sister that were adopted too from the same city where I was born, but they have different biological parents. Your story is really great in that it shows how stupid American guys can be. Here in my country people are very open-minded and they tend to look inside the person rather than the outside. Dutch men are in general interested in other people when they found out, especially when they have contact with them for a longer time, for example at work. My experience is that Asian people in Europe, but certainly in my country have no hard time about what you describe. Of course, there are guys like you describe, but they are really a big minority. Nowadays its harder te be from muslim origin than from Asian origin.

I find nothing bad about men trying to pick you up in such way.First of all, the path to the girls pants is the main target,and there is no single way for it. Some asian girls find it racist if they attract white boys because they are asian. The other will tell you that you are an ass…ole because you don’t appreciate their cultural background. And so on. The point is it is wrong to use such cheap pickups, and it is also wrong to judge guys in such way. Maybe he was shy and didn’t know what to tell you,so he uses the old way. When I go to Asia, I am not offenden when girls approach me just because I am white or have money. If somebody wants my buritto, then I don’t care about the reason they like me and why they approach me in this way,as long as I like that person.

P.s michael Man, we will see how you talk in a year or 3, after you are divorced and broke. And your girlfriend is hanging out with Sebastian de la guerta on Hawaii )).

I don’t see what is so wrong or offensive about an Asian guy wanting to know your exact ethnicity. I do it all the time and the Asian girls I ask don’t mind it. Be proud of whatever ethnicity you are, and that question won’t bother you anymore.

Ni hao ma? Means “how are you?” not hi lol

dailychinupsMarch 20, 2014 at 9:02 am ∞Reply

I’m fluent in Mandarin and Traditional Chinese, so thanks for the unnecessary lesson.

the guy who said “another white girl stuck in an Asian girl body” was spot on. you are an Asian girl who wants to be a white American chick. why deny it? and you all have a sick fetish for white dudes…why is that not wrong for you? oh it is just a “preference” come on…admit your shit too.

dailychinupsMarch 20, 2014 at 9:07 am ∞Reply

Stop putting words in my mouth that I never said. You don’t know me but if you read my other blog entries or author info, you’d see that I am not “trying to be white American” and I do not have a “fetish for white dudes.” What laughable ideas.

Why don’t you admit that you’re an internet bully who thinks he has the right to make rude and judgmental comments without bothering to really read my writings?

haha…you call everyone who calls you out a “internet bully”. jeesus. really?

dailychinupsMarch 20, 2014 at 5:19 pm ∞Reply

You said “you all have a sick fetish for white dudes” about Asian American women. I’m out in the open writing about my real personal experiences on the Internet with my full name, background, contact info, and pictures associated with my identity. Meanwhile, you hide cowardly behind just one first name and an e-mail address making negative sweeping generations about me and women supposedly just like me. That is what internet bullies do. Look it up because I’m not going to waste any more time on you.

“generations”? or generalizations? wow..every ignorant brat have a blog now. smh

nameless internet bullyMarch 23, 2014 at 10:25 am ∞Reply

wow

I just had to comment on this. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your post!!! ;) I can honestly say that most men won’t change. It seems that it just seems to get worse and worse every year as well as the new generations do not understand what chivalry is anymore.

I also believe that these knuckleheads that speak to girls these ways are kinda on the cocky/confident side. If cat calling is something lots of guys do in your area, then you just have to blame the girls who gravitate to that type of behavior. After all, if it works on a few girls, then why not try it on all girls?

I have seen how girls flock to these types of guys which make it hard for a nice guy who actually has respect for girls, to approach them. I tested this out while I was a bit younger. I found that being nice doesn’t always attract the attention of girls. I usually have a habit of holding doors open for people and well…this one time, a girl said “I can do that myself!”. Umm, I said, “sorry, I just saw your hands full”. I still do nice things for people, but I was told that I was looked weak for doing this. When I acted a bit cocky, I saw that girls looked at me different. It was pretty sad and well, I don’t like to be with those types of girls who are attracted to jerks.

I guess overall, people are entitled to give their opinion. We’re all raised differently…so just prepare for the worst and hope for the best out of each person…right? ;) Best of luck to you girls who are having these issues. Maybe one day you should tell a guy off for cat calling? It might just give him some food for thought. ;)

JayApril 11, 2014 at 4:05 pm ∞Reply

Yes you are forever to be friend zoned and whipped.

I don’t understand this but it really depends on the girl. some girls like to be complimented on their breast and butt. some like when you tell them your cleavage looks awesome on that dress. And it doesn’t necessarily has to be an Asian woman, it can be any woman in general. and honestly why bother posting something to advice guy on how to pick up girls?. women should know by now that they will always get hit by guys in any way possible, it is nature if a guy looks at your ass or breast or your entire body in general it doesn’t mean he is a creep. It simple means that he is sexually attracted to you in ever possible way and obviously will try to get in your pants, which is normal.

Now that being said, you can’t discard this man simple by the way he looks at you, give him a chance.. unless he is a completely ugly ball of hair, then I understand, but I had been in many situations in which I like this woman and only one stare accidentally at their ass or breast they dismiss you completely. even though they don’t know your motives yet. So then she goes and tells her friends that I am some kind of creep because I looked at her improper. Excuse me?… what is a proper way of looking a woman then?, guess what… there isn’t. its called sexual attraction there is no love sort of speak, every relationship between a woman and a man will always end up in sex which is procreation, that ensure the survival of our species. but most woman nowadays, have come up with the most stupid arguments against man. don’t get me wrong, not every woman is like that but in my personal experience, it seems that woman is turning into this callous iron shell of creature that judges man improperly.

Again.. no man is a creep ladies, if a man is looking at you so bad that it bothers you, don’t blame him. blame his sexual instinct, sometimes this excitement can’t be stopped, sexual urge is difficult to conceal or relieve. if a man its “creeping” at you it just means his instincts are being triggered by nature.

Interesting topic, I love Asian people in general, they have many of the manners the west has forgotten, but as a western male, i think if you really like the people and you want to meet Asian Women, then you will meet them without having to try to pick them up, they will gravitate to you, if they find you interesting. if they do, be interested in them, and don’t push, and don’t act like you’re the best looking guy in the jungle and maybe the worst Scenario is that you end up with a friend who will make you much happier than you could ever wish

Well i don’t have any of these problems. lol Can i get some advice on how to handle anti-American parents? I really am at a loss for that.

Hi my name is edward,i just read your page i think it would realy help me in the long run,up till now i didnt know what to say to my friend who is all so asain now i understand that it dont matter what race she is as long as i treat her like a human bean and not a peace of meat she might be in to me.thanks again it mean so much to me even if i have no idea of who you are your words were a Bigg help opening my might to all posibilitys.

Lol just read my comment also and mind instead of might lol once again thanx:)

Chin is right on the money here with some simple, sensible, non-confrontational ways of showing an interest in ANYONE regardless of race, sex or any other particular trait. And that’s the point that many seem to miss. Just treat everyone the same – and don’t be overtly forward when introducing yourself, it won’t impress anyone.

Focusing on one particular external characteristic without knowing a person somewhat demonstrates a lack of credibility and imagination. Judging by looks alone will only get you so far. If that’s as far as you want to go, then good luck. If you genuinely are looking to meet new interesting people and maybe even a partner then take her advice and take a little time to really understand why their personality, character, behaviour and ALL aspects of appearance spark your interest. It’ll make conversation all the easier.

It’s worth that little effort.

I found this site off a Google search trying to get pointers on how to pick up Asian women. (I find Asian women unbelievably beautiful.) Why do I need pointers? Because it seems like Asian women don’t dig me. (I’m Hispanic.) I don’t hit on them and I don’t try to pick them up. Rather, all my interactions with them consists of my dealing with an Asian woman working at a Korean cafe or restaurant. I’m friendly, they’re friendly, but I always get the impression I’d strike out if I tried flirting with a Chinese or Japanese woman. Maybe one day I’ll summon up the courage to ask one out on a date.

I don’t understand why the “ni hao ma” line was inappropriate. Since it was another Asian guy perhaps he was Chinese and since you are Asian perhaps he was guessing that you spoke Mandarin. If someone says “How are you” or “Que pasa” they are just trying to start a conversation……

I did like reading your page, although at the end day, you should have said that guys who want to date asian women, should just be themselves as in dating any other woman, not to try to be something they are not.

I have been in two relationships with asian women one born Malaysia, educated in England the other born in the US, educated again educated England, both of them employed in English Healthcare.

I was just myself when I met these two women, I didn’t try to relate to their asian backgrounds, as western guy I would be out my depth if I tried, thats for learning later in the relationship.

What attracted me to them, mainly it was their smiles, the first wasn’t a so call online thing, it was a face to face, we worked in same place, we joke around for a while then it just happen.

The second was online thing, again facial attraction more than anything, we were just being ourselves, I’m not most attractive guy in the world, but its what you say that counts and that relates to any woman at the end day.

Although I did fall for both these women, behind their sweet smiles, they are very driven women, who can be very straight to the point and not to mention controlling of their men. So beware guys!

How about this angle. You say racism is always inappropriate? How about the fact that u didn’t include black males. I am a guy who REALLY doesn’t care what colour the girl I date is so I believe I have the moral authority to speak on this. You know this to be true. A lot of Asian women hold HUUUUGE racist attitudes and are unbelievable scornful of black men. They often feel by trash talking black guys with there Asian friends and white friends that they elevate their social status some how. It makes them feel very western and very white. Now Asian women that like guys are JUST INTO BLACK GUYS AND BLACK CULTURE. I DARE YOU TAKE A POLE OF 100 Asian women and watch their reaction it will either be EEWWWAH! Or U’ll see the minorety that real dig black men. Look into ur heart and examine urself. U may not like what u’ll find . Not saying ur racist but IM JUST SAYIN!

TedApril 13, 2015 at 9:55 am ∞Reply

*I meant Asian women that like black men JUST LIKE BLACK MEN AND ARE INTO BLACK CULTURE ( which is not homogeneous btw )

You prove my point to the letter my friend. One of the ugliest aspects of racism is exclusion. Could u not intelligently respond to my points? I said these things because I was informed of this from YES my Asian girlfriends in the past. They have sat in some of these hateful, scornful and stereotypical discussions about black males.

Thank you for sharing your perspective, and you make some good points, but TBH your “treat me like any other American” stance has a some sticking points that you need to be careful on, and I would love to hear your opinion on them. First, barring that he’s made any crossing-the-line type statements, if a guy actually has GENUINE interest in the language or culture stemming from your ethnicity, then why is it a problem? As long as it’s NOT the ONLY piece of your individuality he appreciates, it shouldn’t be; diversity is a beautiful thing in this world. But just as racism doesn’t have any place, nor does unjustifiably assuming things. All in all, in the name of fairness, just bringing it up that you’re Asian shouldn’t be an immediate deterrent. Next, I think we can all agree that simply asking where you’re from is fine. I ask that question to just about everyone I meet. It’s the asking where you’re REALLY from that, understandably so, annoys. But how about asking if you can speak another language? Irritating as it may be to you or other Asians with the same mentality, that’s a perfectly reasonable question too. And if you do speak Chinese or Korean, there shouldn’t be any reason not to express it. My point is that even though your mindset is such that revealing your ethnicity has no place or relevance in flirting, please don’t let past experiences or emotions get the best of you. You should never HAVE to shy away from who you are. It wouldn’t correlate with being proud that your Asian. Lastly, and to sum up, what you said is true, “We all just unique human beings trying to find some love in this world.” But sometimes WE can’t choose what’ll stimulate our interest or attraction, and that may very well include you being Asian. In maintaining your perspective/stance, you have to realize that there is definitely a line, and until your suitor crosses it, you gotta be fair to. It’s the only way you can expect to be treated fairly.

This post is a few years old now and I’m not sure of the likelihood of you reading this, but I just wanted to say a few things in response, hopefully not to be taken as mean hearted.

I could not speak of the nature of the original intention of this post, that would be foolish to attempt to know that. However, it seems that the purpose is less to give advice and more to scold men. I would like to point out that if women had the need to flirt; the use of fumbling, idiotic and cringe worthy tactics for pick up would absolutely be used. The fact is the vast majority of women simply need to accept a free drink and giggle. As a rule of thumb many women hate excessively being hit on. I get it. But some facts of life need to be accepted, and the sooner the better. And how would someone know that a woman has been getting hit on a lot? Should guys ascertain by the level of beauty that a woman has hit the proverbial ceiling limit? It is a bit bothersome that you never explicitly outlined as to why your ex was “missing the point” when he stated basically that shitty people are shitty people? As a matter of fact; that is the single most undying, relentless, unwavering, most true and steadfast notion there could ever be while living a human life. There will be a day when all of that wanted or unwanted attention will be turned off in your life forever. Again, it’s just life.

Life or the planet as a whole is not made a better place by opinion blogs (nor are responses to them, I understand that). The course of evolution will not take a quantum leap through awareness. It simply does not work that way. [Actually, I don’t fully believe that. If every human on a planet all had the same beautiful balanced image of peace in their minds eye at exactly the same moment, brain power connectivity might actually do something globally transcendent and unbelievably wonderful.]

If someone went up to an attractive black woman and asked her if she would like to go to KFC with them, that person is what we call “stupid”. Inept. Socially incapable. They are fools in every aspect of life, and they multiply much faster than capable, respectful people. Again, this must be realized soon, or choose to forego a night destination that is 100% guaranteed to have these people.

There are worse things in life than being hit on, even if it is A LOT. Being pretty is a tough life isn’t it? If I were asked if it hurt when I fell from ivory heaven (said in some kind of a way that was clearly meant to be harmless) every 8 minutes, every day of my life, the flattery felt would never truly die. Too bold to say, since there is no way for me to experience it until I am reborn as a curvy 10? Well, I am an adult and I know when to not shit on people’s good intentions, no matter how ill progressed that person’s frontal lobe is. Seems ironic after reading this novella though right?

I’m glad that some people got some good stuff out of your post, honestly. Hopefully that will continue. I wrote what I felt, even if the sentiments aren’t shared are even read.

Oh, and I know that you don’t like anonymous keyboard warriors so I will sign in with my FB account. Feel free to drop by.

Pretty cool notes. And we get front row seats to some of the examples . Haha. I’m terrible with with women, maybe because I lack confidence , but I guess I make up for it in courage . It’s pretty obvious why I am on this page. So thanks for being in the right place at the right time. That’s why I love asian girl . They are always on time. Lol. So many references can be made from that. Lol jk.

Stumbled across this article while searching information on a recent attack on a girl on a Sydney train, intrigued I read the article, was shocked and thought you were overgeneralizing people’s stupidity – then I read the comments. Guys trying to pick up in the comments section of an article describing their goofiness.

Ah, this life. So beautiful.

Hahaha another dumb bitch trying to get a date using a blog and its sad this bitch is a retarded white bitch in a Asian body haha when will these desperate hoes learn well all bitches are the same y’all hoes need to be put in a big ass cage and sent to a unknown island p.s u make us Asians look bad

i know you said not to say it…. but really you are beautiful

11:21pm I should be sleeping but this blog is retardedly funny. Few comments.

A) Internet has made us all dumber. B) Guys will always be weird perverted human beings. It’s in our genetic code. I’m one of them! C) Who ever writes in this blog has most likely an interest in Asian women. Thus this is a biased population sample and no statistican interpretation and is valid and no generalization can be made. D) B + C means that some guys like tall, some guys like short, black, white,big boob, small boob, skinny, curvy, asian, mixed, native american (I’ve never heard anyone talking about Eskimo girls btw, so sad face for them I guess) etc. For example, I most likely have some brain cell programming that makes me like short skinny asian girls, because in my eyes they look attractive and young, so who cares, whatever. E) who ever hates her(the author) point of view, you still contribute to her blog by increasing her traffic and valuation so the joke is on you/us.

Bottom line, here is my humble opinion. I don’t believe any guy who says that they like Asian women because they “behave” and “treat them nice”. Go marry an ugly/fat/old redneck woman. She will treat you like a prince. (I have nothing against ugly/fat/old redneck women so don’t jump on me because first of all you admit you are ugly/fat/old and second of all I’m ugly fat old for some girls out there). We are superficial. We need to satisfy our vision after all and go with something that is visually appealing.

PS saying we are proud to be Asian / American / Italian / white / black / smurf / is kinda silly. We didn’t do anything for it, we were just born that way. We should be proud for things we achieve and put some effort into.

After writting all this I am sure I’ve contributed nothing to this world ha ha.

BradenJuly 26, 2015 at 6:05 am ∞Reply

Haha I agree. extremely late on the original post. I found this topic because I seen a pretty girl I tried to talk to. Her primary language was madrain she only spoke to me in English, but I was having a hard time understanding her accent was looking for help about it. But every comment section is exatly the same on this topic for any post even though the posts differ slightly. They have good information about culture. Yes American is a culture and it differs by area to. I like your thoughts on this topic. I laughed when I read the part about people thinking you where dressing as an anime. My first thought was street fighter to be honest. Nothing to do with race but gave me a smile after thinking about it. Figured I’d put my 2 cents on on this topic.

What if there is someone in the world that really just wants to be in love with someone?

I am looking for a nice beautiful asian girl what talent with personality is so humor and outgoing nice go out to have fun but get to know that person and she did to me to get to know me I am a man looking for a beautiful asian girl is very kind very sweet and talented I like to go out diner clubbing walking movies walking sure everything else to possibly leave if I give me the girl feel good and comfortable make her understand me me understand her see how life goes by beautiful asian girls are beautiful they are create in mind of everything that’s the type of person I am looking for please get back to me and let me know what you think my name is full dangelo I’m from Philly Pennsylvania I am 15 years old of age 55 on 35 pounds medium built or working man in my life for last 32 years and I’m looking for somebody right now in awhile for me for the one with someone but if it’s you I hope I catch a ride with you to see how things go I hope you get back to me it seemed like going to picture of this photo is seem like you are very beautiful girl I like to me thank you

I usually find that starting a pleasant conversation with a woman of any race will open the door for you and if she’s into you shell give you signs that she is and if not well you just talked to a beautiful woman so good for you

Hello. This blog may be dead but I thought I’s a comment anyway as I have a perspective different from other posters.

I’m a Caucasian American expatriate who has worked in Greater China (HK and Taiwan) for over 10 years. My spoken and written Chinese is highly proficient.

I’ve travelled extensively all over the world. Meeting women of any ethnicity has always been easy for me. Simply be confident and make the other person smile and hopefully laugh (with you, not at you). Be aggressive without being creepy. Be a good and active listener. Be positive and upbeat. Be polite and move on if she’s not interested. It’s very easy and no special skills are required to meet a Chinese / Japanese/ Korean/ etc. woman as opposed to a Lithuanian / Panamanian etc. woman. I’ve dated them all.

I agree with most of the author’s advice. For example, it’s thuggish and abusive for a guy to approach an Asian woman and say “I like Asian chicks because they are tight.” I’d probably drop any guy who said that to an Asian female friend of mine. But a blog shouldn’t be necessary to explain that. I think the author is right that avoiding remarks about ethnicity INITIALLY is the right move, but after you’ve spoken for awhile it should be fine.

I think the author is overally sensitive, however, about certain things. I’m in a tiny minority of Caucasians living in Taipei, and people here–men and women–frequently ask me about my nationality, ethnicity and family heritage shortly after meeting me. I’m not offended, although I’m disappointed in women who tell me they will ONLY date white guys, or are most interested in Americans, etc. This is extremely superficial and not a mark of intelligence.

I really don’t understand the author’s hang-up about being asked her cultural heritage. Asians in Asia do it to Caucasians ALL THE TIME. It’s an icebreaker. In my experience, Chinese / Taiwanese who get pissed about being asked if they are Korean have racist feelings toward Koreans.

I also think the author’s anger at the Asian guy (probably ethnic Chinese) who said “Ni hao” to her is hard to understand. When I happen to stumble on another Caucasian foreigner in Taipei, I’ll usually smile and say “hello”. I’d be shocked if any Caucasian (or Taiwanese, for that matter) would be angered because I didn’t say 你好 in Chinese. I can say with certainty that the Chinese and Taiwanese guys I know would consider the author very rude if she expressed anger at them for daring to speak in Chinese, since she herself is ethnic Chinese.

MarkDecember 4, 2015 at 5:04 am ∞Reply

I agree with you completely. I’m a mixed origin westerner who spent most his adult life in Taiwan and the PRC, but I did live in SF Chinatown for a year. Most people there were Cantonese speakers with maybe 1/3 also speaking Mandarin and much fewer speaking English.

My first time in the laundromat on Waverly st., I saw all the clothes washing powder machines were out of order. So I asked a 20 something woman there “唔該, 洗衣粉賣在哪裡？” and she totally lost her shit at me for speaking Chinese. About 10 seconds into that, a woman who looked about 70 walked over from another washing machine and told me the machine was always broken and pointed down the street telling me where I could buy some. I thanked her and started to leave to buy some detergent and the younger woman looked dumbstruck and said something like “oh, you want detergent…”

She could actually understand Chinese, but thought I was flirting with her and just went into attack mode without even thinking! Even when I got back with the detergent and was loading my clothes into the machine, she still asked why I spoke Chinese and I actually had to pull out my TW ID card before she let it drop. Honestly, I think she was the one with racial prejudices and she’d never have done that if I’d been 華僑.

Fortunately, I didn’t meet that kind of aggressive person often, but it did happen more than once in SF. In Asia, people often make all kinds of racial assumptions about me (like being stupid or unable to use chopsticks or lazy) but at least they aren’t openly hostile at me for just trying to communicate with them in my best guess of what our common language is. Even a hyper nationalist Beijinger is better that IMHO.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

Race is non-existent. There is only one “race:” and it’s called the human race.

There may be different tribes. Or customs. Or skin color differences. But there is no such thing as racism.

Just tribalism.

And – ALL women get hit on. Asian women sometimes forget this. And guys are dumb.

So there ya go.

wow, you seem a stuck up asian girl, and you aint that hot anyways, aussie asian girls dont have a inferiority complex like you do,,, get over it……..I think youre exaggerating about how many guys actually hit on you

So here are my general guidelines for straight single men trying to talk to ANY WOMAN you’re physically and or psychologically drawn to:

Compliment her on her looks or outfit but be specific without being creepy. The words “You’re so hot/gorgeous/beautiful” are so overused and trite, but you might be the first guy to tell her “I really like your modern haircut” or “Your necklace is really cool” this month. Just don’t cross the line over to sexual like “Your ass/cleavage looks amazing in that dress.” Smile and say something along the line of “Hey, how’s it going? My name is _______.” Observe her behavior for a while and try to find something relevant to say or ask or joke about. For example, if she’s watching a sports game, ask for her predictions of how it will turn out. If she’s waiting to order a drink at your neighborhood bar, ask her if she has had your favorite drink there yet. Joking around is always good provided that she shares your sense of humor.

^Call bullshit on this LOL. Also, I agree with others, your shit only works with gay looking white guys. I’m sorry, but I’ve tried all these on over 50 Asian women online. And they start to lose interest after 10 minutes in a convo. Clearly mental cases around lol.

Also, the problem is not with men. The problem is with you Asian women being overly sensitive and way too fucking picky. Why are men easy to talk to and not easily offended? Why do we have to follow guidelines to talk to women? This is dumb.

Hi Chin. I’m not going to hit on you, so you can let out a little “Phew!” right about now. I fell in love recently in Tay Ninh, with the sweetest, most decent, funniest, sharpest-minded girl in the world. I plan to spend the rest of my life with her, and she with me; right now we’ll live in Vietnam, but neither of us knows the future, other than that ours must be together.

I spent 4 months of 2015 in Barcelona, Spain. I hit on dozens of girls there, most of them Oriental (I’m British, btw, so “Asian” has a different meaning to us: most Russians are Asian, as are most Turks, all Pakistanis and over a billion other folks whom the average American would be confused to hear me allude to as “Asian”). I had an on-off-on again-off again gf in Bcn who was Chinese. I dated and got toyed with or rejected by plenty of Koreans (they tend not to use compass points in their nationalities, though, for sure, none of them was a northerner), Chinese girls Singaporeans and, inevitably Spaniards and South Americans.

Here’s the thing, Chin. Not once did I ever ask where any new person I met was from, much less where they were “really” from. And I always used to playfully respond to that meaningless, dull question with: “I never divulge that kind of information on a first date. So, anyway, what is your earliest childhood memory?”. Either that or, as you sagely advise here, I would ask them to tell me more about X sport that I knew they were into, or their experienced backpacking in Y city which they’d told me they had just visited prior to Bcn, and so forth.

I’m amazed, disgusted and disappointed in equal measure at how ubiquitous the casual racism you talk about seems to be; and I’m astounded that any guy expects to endear himself to the focus of his desire by “noticing” and remarking on such alienating banalities. But I did notice skillless “charmers” getting lucky regardless, all the time. And it was (forgive the racist stereotype, please, Chin!), usually a lanky, golden-haired Australian with a surfboard under his arm who would take home, on any given evening, the pretty girl whom I’d invested an hour or more of my evening in making giggle and making feel good about her lovely, very uniquely wonderful self.

So, laudible and worthwhile as your observations and inducations are, there’s a certain kind of man, and a certain kind of woman, who are so impenetrably superficial that, well, stupid “egg-fried rice” quips and such like will always be ok for them.

I know this sounds disappointing. But your experience, too, must surely confirm the reality in what I’m telling you, right?

All Asian women are beautiful, and no, i’m not here to pick anyone up… i just wish i lived in Japan, I like love their culture, plus i love hearing about their history because American history is so boring and depressing… my dream girl is Asian and im holding out for her.. im gonna start saving up for Rosetta Stone, just to make that 1st effort toward finding her

This is one ugly girl.

Woah this was really interesting to read! I’m a blonde Caucasian female and I get hit on a lot too but not in a way that’s racist! I agree I think its a huge double standard. I guess I can’t speak for all Caucasian girls but for me, I’ve never really had a lot of people ask me questions about race. I think the furthest its ever come was “Are you into black guys?” which is a question I’ve only gotten twice from a white guy and the other time was a white/Asian guy. Wow I also just wanna say you’re super pretty! I’m not half as pretty as you but I understand your pain of creepy guys coming onto you 24/7. But damn! I still cant believe guys constantly bring your race into it that’s just stupid. Especially the “you know my ex was Asian” line… that’s gotta be one of the worst ive ever heard.

Hi! I’m a Chinese girl who moved from China and I don’t get offended at any of the things you mentioned. People think we are more traditional because most Chinese are and it IS part of our culture. And asking someone where they are from is not offensive to me. I love to know where people’s from and get to know more about them. Even if you are from SF, know what ethnicity you are helps start conversations and getting to know your background! I know I’m interested in where people’s from or where ur family is from. I usually ask about ur background from another country because I find another culture interesting. Hell, my ex boyfriend was blonde and his grandpa was nazis. But of course, I’m missing the point. The point is, to me at least, you might be sensitive on a lot of issues. I think most people are not intentional racists. They just more into certain type of girl.

First of all, THANK YOU! Secondly, yeah I know this is an old post but whatever…

I can relate. I’m not Asian. I’m not female…but I can relate. I am hispanic, mexican, chicano, latino…pick your favorite one…that’s me (just please don’t label me Spanish!!!). I refer to myself as an American of Mexican heritage, I was born in Cali, my parent (yes that’s singular) she was also born in Cali, but whatever.

I work in a corporate environment for a big global tech company and I’ve experienced countless comments, questions from “well-meaning” peers, biz partners, etc.. It’s unfortunate that race gets shoved into just about every social aspect of our lives. I’ve lost count of how many times people have asked me about how to cook some Mexican dish…it’s like “…dude, I don’t even know, like…my grandma didn’t even make that!”.

So back to my sincere thanks to you – I mean it. I too am guilty of being attracted to Asian girls. And I too have fumbled about trying to smooth talk my way into their hearts, and it can be hard to find something to break the ice with. Sometimes my stupid pick up lines work, other times not so much but my point is that I appreciate the time you took to make a point about using race. I never really thought that I would ever make someone feel the way my peers at work have sometimes made me feel, especially towards someone that I am trying to get “romantical” with.

Oh and for the record, I don’t like Asians because of some weirdo 18th century idea that all Asian women are conservative, THEY ARE NOT! Or that they are all extra “tight” (lol ewww) they are all not that either. For me it’s mostly because I grew up in a diverse population and had mostly Asian or hispanic friends and so if I see an Asian girl coming my way then I’ll inevitably turn into George McFly – not smooth.

-Edgar

As a white American male whom is attracted by the Asian female I didn’t get much from this… All I can say I got from this is don’t use racial stereotypes when hitting on Asian females which, to me anyways, is common sense when hitting on any race of females, lol. But I guess from your previous encounters the guys hitting on you didn’t have much common sense… Then again common sense isn’t that common anymore this day and age!!!

This article is complete bullshit. First Asian women predominately like white & Asian man.. very rare you see them with black & hispanic. They’re just as racist because they tend to date lightskin males culturally, only thing that makes them different from whites iare they don’t have the Sepremacist title in their history. And Asiam women overall are just weird, unappealing women, men only find them exotic because they look so different from anyone else…but if you take out the face they just crazy, shallow, dumb bitches.

Wow you are so into yourself!! Lame girl.

I really enjoyed the tips u have provided and can only hope to muster up the strength to one day be able to express how I would really love to kiss her cute eyes n run my fingers thru your silky smooth hair to wake every morning to say Wo Ani to you and only you as a Hispanic 1/2 Puerto Rican 1/2 Dominican Republic, born in Brooklyn New York raised in Miami Florida it’s so challenging to me to be fortunate enough to be able to truly find my Asian queen wish I knew where to find you now that I have return to my native state of New York.

I like Asian girls because of the shape of their eyes and usually their high cheekbone. I mean I like Asian girls because I think they’re more beautiful. Am I pervert or sick? For the rest I think they’re just like every other girl, no fried rice nor whatever. Actually during the period I’ve been living in Japan, it has been pretty frustrating for me being treated like an object only because I was Italian. I treat people as people without caring about the ethnicity, but I like Asian girls more. Do I deserve a medical treatment?

So then in the end you cant open with anything related to race such as being Asian. But if your goal is date an Asian woman simply because you find them beautiful then you cant say that either? If all that leaves you is to say “nice day today, huh?” wouldn’t that come off as boring? What if there is a natural curiousity there and I said “”I caught that Joy Luck Club and I just wondering if you can relate to any of it?” Would this be an offensive opening? Great post, funny.

I know many Asian women they tell me the same thing how white,black and Latino men make there comments thinking how easy they’re to pick up. Iam a Hispanic man who has dated Asian woman all I can say is be your self don’t try to hard to impress them show respect and take your time talk about family talk about there day show up with flower become there friend and be patient don’t kiss on the first date meet her family and you can’t do this then then you will never meet a nice girl This not just for Asian woman it’s for all women

Wow. All this time, I was doing it wrong. My line was: “Yo Hogigamashinto, wanna go boom boom on some eggroll? I like the yellow hot mustard baby!” Now I umderstand why all those Korean, Japanese, and Chinese girls said “no speaka English!” I thought it was just because I was at the airport terminal waiting near JAL, Korean Air and Air China. Hmm…

Seriously, are you serious with this Chin? What crazy guys are you attracting? Sorry you experienced such idiots, but your advice smack of an unsaid underlying assumption that non-Asian men would have such racist thinking, and that assumption is itself racist, especially by comparing other non-Asian men to the one that flaunted he had an ex-girlfriend that was Asian.

For the record, I’m white and grew up in a diverse neighborhood. I can tell you, you speaking for “Asian women” plays into the stupid American simplification of Asians as all one homogenous group. They most certainly are not. Its like referring to “Euorpean women,” thinking what appeals or would generally apply culturally to an English woman would apply to a Serb would apply to a Swede would apply to a French woman. I assure there is no magic underlying formulaic approach.

Lastly, having dated a Korean and Chinese-American girl in highschool and college, I know Asian can be nasty racists asses, especially the family members of the girl being dated and well treated. No race had a monopoly on racism or ignorance. A woman being of any given race is not an issue. What is is her nature and compatibility. And I’ve lived long enough now to know the only univerisal commonality uniting people is ignorance and prejudices and a want to be respected and loved.

I’m late to the party but I found this site while trying to find statistics on black/asian interracial relationships in San Francisco.

Why?

Because I noticed that similar to my hometown Seattle, San Francisco has a huge population of asian people and a low-ish percentage of black people but it seems to me that asian/black relationships were much more popular back home and are practically non-existent here in the bay area, save a few asian guys I’ve met with black girlfriends.

Anyway, being a black male I totally understand where you’re coming from on this topic. People assume I’m aggressive all the time, assume that I must be pissed off since im not as extroverted as they expected, and my personal favorite, turn on their playa playa swag to talk to me only to realize I talk “like a white guy.” Wamp wamp wamp.

I’m giving you these examples to illustrate a couple of things… 1) That it’s not just asian girls or people who are sometimes treated as some type of exotic fetish, everyone experiences it to some degree (more so if you are not white), and 2) It’s common. Some people are curious, some people are stupid, and sometimes people are both. Bad combination. Consider yourself enlightened and use it live an enriched life. Most naturally with those who have similar life experiences.

I’m single. :)

Dudes, the lady has left the room. Your words are just blowing in the wind

Lalalalala.. all creatures are equal in God’s eyes and very beautiful…

I don’t know how I got this site of yours, but it’s hysterically funny. I know exactly what you’re talking about, I am an Asian male with two sisters. I have seen it all my life. I have been with white women and Asian women. Text me for any insight. 808 283 0877 I know my name sounds super German. But I am hapa. Mom born and raised in Japan. Text if you feel like it. You caught my attention.

beautiful girl, I’m very attracted to your asian amazing lips (hope I wasn’t racist there hahah) and I like your attitude also :D I can see, a conversation or something more than that with you can be interesting.

what can I say.. come to Europe! I don’t know how it is San Francisco but for sure you’ll be amazed by east countries of Europe., here you can see a lot of beautiful landscapes and another things, nice experience.. and who knows, maybe I’ll be your guide in this journey if you let me to bite your lips ;)

see you

Aloha,

I believe your a victem of your own words. Me personally I love cultures, I have often approached Asian Wahine and during the initial conversation ask what there nationality is rather then where they are from so I can find something in common with my experiences. Myself born and raised in Hawaii and being a minority I grew to love the cultures of the many different people living there. In fact I speak many languages and eat, cook and live by different beliefs, spirituality and I practice hula and many different martial arts but I’m not from an Asian or the kanaka maoli race. Does that mean I hate my own race or nationality? No. I am American and hapa and i love diversity. The problem today is it’s not ok to be unique. Political correctness demands we all be the same. It’s ok young lady to be described as kanani or nani for having features relatted to your nationality or race. This is a compliment. But I also understand where you conning from too. It really depends on the spirit of intent of the person approaching you. Often I find it’s just lack of knowledge or ignorence rather then being disrespectful. For example, do you know how many stupid questions I and others from Hawai’i that move to the mainland get from people who know nothing about the islands? Try does everyone surf? Do you guys live in huts(seriously)? Do you speak Hawaiian(I do a little but not everyone does) I think you get the point. But I found most are just curious and they ask out of curiosity not to be disrespectful. It’s hard to believe that just 10 years ago there were places in our country that have never been exposed to anything other then Apple pie culture or the Caucasian race. A lot of people approaching Asian American girls may just be in awe to expierence something different. Not everything is negative. Myself growing up on Hawai’i i took for grantted the beauty of Asian woman because they are everywhere on the islands. But living the last decade in areas on the mainland that are just Caucasian I have come to appreciate Asian woman again and every woman of different races as being uniquely beautiful. In conclusion, political correctness is also racist became it doesn’t recognize or respect the uniqueness of each culture or its right to exist but wants to create a one universal culture. We see this in the gentraficatiin of anything unique in this country and the islands. Mahalo for your time.

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