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ovaruling · 1 year

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i know everyone’s tired of me talking abt this but bc i’m on the subject now—once more on cosmetic surgery complications: let me clarify what i mean when i have said in the past “it’s rarely if ever a matter of ‘if’”—when you see “after” pictures on a cosmetic surgeon’s website, do you ever see ones that are “2 years after,” “5 years after,” “10 years after”? how often have you seen or spoken to a woman 20 years after her cosmetic surgery? do you think the surgeons do?

no. you know why? because, unless you’re getting more surgery, you stop mattering to that surgeon after your last post-op appointment. they do not give a shit about your long-term results. when you call in 2 years later, wondering why you’re experiencing xyz difficulty—guess how much they’re going to care? at most, if they even TAKE your call, they’ll tell you to go see your primary care provider.

most people have no way of knowing when their surgery is going to start causing problems. it might be a year. it might be 2. it might be 5. it might be 10. it might be 15. it could be 30. but trust me, you do not undergo major traumatic surgery to your body and get away with absolutely zero consequences.

i’m tired of people thinking they’ve got an argument when they tell me, “but EYE had xyz surgery, and i’m fine!”

tell that to the women en masse removing their breast implants due to complications that didn’t arise until years later. tell that to the women who are trying to remove gluteal implants and reverse gluteal injections because 5 years later and they’re showing signs of inflammation and infection (Blac Chyna, most recently). to women like me who’ve had nerve damage and spinal damage and muscle damage and infections and autoimmune conditions develop out of thin air after having that last post-op appointment.

i think a large number of we women who have had major cosmetic surgery are mentally unwell to begin with—or else we wouldn’t have gotten surgeries. but what i want to focus on is that we have grown up, as girls, being taught to ignore our discomfort, to minimize our pain, to get over our illnesses. i cannot in good conscience discount this phenomenon when i take into account why it is that YOUR surgery went so perfectly.

are you really recovered? or are you just ignoring the side-effects? did you already make up your mind that you’d bear the hardships of major surgery for the visual you wanted?

have you ever actually taken a moment to think about what you went through to have this surgery? have you forced yourself to adapt to the discomforts, just brushing them off as understandable collateral for something far more valuable to you (how you look)? how did the anesthesia affect you? how long were you on the table? how did your body respond to being given what it thinks is a mortally deep wound for no reason? how much pain medication did you need after? could you go to the bathroom by yourself? could you walk? how’s your scar tissue? is it still there, years later? what about your scars? have you lost sensation at the surgical site? is it still numb, years later? can you brace your core anymore? can you lift your arms above your head? how long? can you twist at the waist? what about your organs? did they suffer strain? what about your circulation? and can you draw in a truly deep breath after your breast surgery? how’s your oxygen intake after your elective rhinoplasty? or after your breast augmentation? have you felt any tingling numbness or dead zones or back pain after your BBL? or have you even thought about that? about any of this? stomach- and side-sleepers who’ve gotten breast augmentations, are you feeling rested these days?

how many of us have brainwashed ourselves into thinking we aren’t experiencing any unusual level of pain? how many women have died because of their practiced ability to shrug off extreme inflammation as “regular wear and tear”?

and you’re trying to tell me there’s NO chance of you or your tiktok faves having suffered even 1% of a change to your health after undergoing a major surgery?

no one knows it better than i do. you can lie to everyone else who’s never had cosmetic surgery, but you can’t lie to me. i know what you went through. and you don’t have to lie just to preserve your integrity.

i know women go through hell for this. and if they have, they need to pay attention to their bodies and watch for signs of long-term damage. or else you are also going to risk waking up one day and going, “hm. weird that i can’t feel my clitoris anymore. wonder why. it’s not like anything’s ever happened to—oh, wait.”

no one tells you what it all looks like 5-10+ years down the road. all you’re thinking about is the next year, at most. you aren’t thinking about lifelong consequences. you aren’t thinking about being 60, telling your doctor you had a tummy tuck when you were 27 or extreme liposuction at 18. you aren’t thinking about it. and that’s my whole fucking point, because neither was i.

#anti cosmetic surgery #gonna start tagging these for organization

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lokisprettygirl · 7 months

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Brokenhearted (Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon Modern AU) (18+)

Read Chapter 15 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 16

Summary : Daemon's love and care has made your life easier post accident, however you can't help but feel that he's not being entirely truthful to you.

Warning: 18+, Smut, violent thoughts, stalking, Discussion of mensuration and Pregnancy, bloodshed, kidnapping, Abusive relationship, mention of rape, ptsd, toxic masculinity, gender norms, sexual abuse, Samantha, traumatic distressing content, Daemon is a big time smoker so if it’s something triggering don’t read it, alcohol drinking, mention of past trauma and therapy, cigarette smoking, possessive behaviour, violence, baby needs therapy, baby is trying

It had been two weeks since you returned home from the hospital. Daemon had practically moved in with you, and it felt like he had always been there. There was no official discussion, no grand gesture. You just found a luggage full of his stuff in your room one morning and none of you said anything about it. He was taking such good care of you that this whole traumatic incident didn't feel like the worst thing that had ever happened, even though it actually was the worst experience you had ever been through in your life.

You still had the recurring nightmares and you used to see a therapist before for anxiety issues so Daemon got in touch with her and she was visiting you as well to help you deal with the aftermath of the trauma the accident had left behind.

There was just one problem, just one tiny problem, you had this ugly sinking feeling in your gut that he was hiding something from you.

Everytime he left the center, he came home almost an hour later, which didn't make sense to you because it was merely a twenty minute drive. Viserys had told you that maybe he was going to his condo but when you had asked him the same he had denied doing so. He had told you that Samantha was there and he didn't want to see her under any condition.

The next evening you had your friends over at your apartment so when Daemon came back from work, he was already a bit distracted and seeing a group of ladies just lounging in your apartment was a bit of a surprise for him. You knew you had to introduce them to each other at some point so that's what you did. Once they left he sat down on the couch next to you and kissed you softly before he slumped onto the couch.

"Tired?" You asked him softly as you raised your right hand to caress his scalp,

"No..but that feels good…keep going" you smiled as he said that. You couldn't understand how he wasn't tired, he trained himself and the new guys that turned up at the center and he was basically your caretaker for the rest of the day, taking care of your diet and medicines that you needed and were too careless to take on time.

"You had fun i see" he mumbled, making you smile, it was nice to see your friends. You always enjoyed gushing about the guys you were seeing with them but Daemon was not just some guy, he was the love of your life.

Next day as he came home he found you in the kitchen trying to do whatever you can with one capable hand and you felt his eyes on the nurse Sally who was also a bit worried about the whole situation but more than that she feared his wrath for allowing you to do this.

"Stop glaring at her, I insisted, I practically forced her to let me do this" you told him so he sighed and rubbed his forehead with his hand before he spoke.

"You can leave for the day" he told Sally so she immediately scurried off as soon as she could.

"You scare people, you know that?"

"Good. What are you doing hmm? You're supposed to be resting so you could heal" he stood behind you and hugged you like that with his arm secured around your waist and chin down on your shoulder "You're making Cheese Burger"

"Yeah well i was going to surprise you but you are early today"

He didn't say anything for a few seconds and then he just placed a soft kiss on your cheek. He was early because he had decided to not feed Samantha today, she was difficult to break but he wasn't going to give up. He had come so far to take a step back now. He had left a candy bar on the bed yesterday though, even though he wanted to be as cruel as possible he couldn't actually bring himself to be that way.

"You are magnificent darling, if i could.. I'd just fuck you right about now" he mumbled in your ears and it made you feel all tingly.

"Well you absolutely can, you choose not to"

"Husshh"

After eating while he was in the shower, you received a call from the owner of Cuisine waves telling you that they were hiring someone else in your place because they couldn't hold your job any longer. When Daemon stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and found you crying with your head smushed in the pillow he was immediately right next to you,

"What is it hmm?" He asked you firmly even though he was a bit terrified.

"I lost my job..they fired me" you mumbled between your sniffles and the sight made him tear up but there was also a small smile on his face

"That's it..that is what is making you bawl my silly girl?" He asked softly so you glared at him.

"I liked working there…I felt.. comfortable..i was there for four years for a reason" you sniffled again like a baby so he wiped your tears and kissed you.

"Yeah?? felt comfy there huh?" You nodded as he questioned you and then he pampered you all day long to comfort you.

Two days later you discovered that he had bought the diner and hired you back in your previous position. You didn't know whether to cry from the sweet sentimental gesture or be infuriated by his impulses. At the end you decided to cry indeed because you knew you'd never treat him the way Samantha did. He did something nice for you in the hope that it would make you happy and feel better so you weren't going to go all mommy on him and tell him that he needed to spend his money wisely. Also, he knew better about financial management than you did.

A week later while you were alone with Sally, she had received a call informing her about a family emergency and she asked you if she could leave so you didn't really think much of it and allowed her to go. When Daemon came home he was furious you could tell but he didn't really snap at you, no, he waited for a day, kept his anger bubbling until he saw Sally again and snapped at her instead.

However once he noticed the tears in her eyes he calmed down and strictly told her to not be so careless about your safety and inform him first if she had to go somewhere.

After she had left for the day, you were watching Daemon huffing and puffing still, cursing at every little inanimate object that seemed to have irked him somehow. He even had an argument with his hair brush for not being able to get rid of his tangles.

"Come here"

You mumbled softly so he grunted and then eventually walked towards you.

"What?" He asked you as he carefully got on top of you with one of his knees between your legs and the other on the left side of your thigh.

You curled your fingers around his neck and pulled him closer to kiss him, his body was stiff at first but soon he melted with your touch. As your hand wandered down he grabbed it swiftly and pulled away to look at you.

"What are you doing?"

"You know what I am doing"

You struggled against his hold so he allowed your hand to wander lower and you slipped it under the waistband of his trouser but he grabbed it again.

"Noo"

You halted in your tracks as he said that, you had to know what he was feeling, you had to be careful with him after everything he had been through.

"Is that a no in the sense that 'Stop it I'm uncomfortable' or no as in 'I want it but I'm scared I'm going to hurt you'

His brows crinkled as you said that and he placed his forehead down on yours,

"The latter ofcourse..I can't do this love..half of your limbs are broken and you know how I get when I'm fucking you" you bit on your lips as he said that. Your eyes were glittering with different emotions,

"When did you start to love me this much?" He narrowed his eyes at the question,

"Don't get too cocky"

"Okay but I never said anything about fucking now did i? Let me just.." You mumbled as you took his cock out and gave it a few strokes, he was already hard just from the close proximity and sexual whispering in his ear "You have been so grumpy.. let me fix that"

His breathing got heavier as you worked him up and down slowly.

"Look into my eyes" your tone was sharp so he glared at you and grabbed your chin with his fingers.

"Don't talk to me like that"

"Mmmm sorry..look at me dae pleaseee"

He kissed you deeply and passionately before he did what you had asked him to, his knee that was settled between your legs had inched closer to your heated core and as he pressed it right against your damp soaked clothed flesh you let out a loud gasp,

"You need this too don't you?" he snickered as your hips gyrated against his knee.

"Of Course i do ..it's been months, the last time I touched myself was night before the accident"

"And what were you thinking of when you pleasured yourself?"

"I thought about you and how good it would feel to have your fingers playing with me instead of mine"

His finger slipped under the waistband of your shorts and panties at once as he rubbed your wet dripping lips ,

"Mmm spread your leg darling, only one of them is broken..the other one works well" he commanded in an authoritative tone and the gravel in his voice made you moan,

"Gosh I miss this side of you Daemon "

"I know you do, pampering isn't enough for you is it? You need to be put in your place once in a while"

"Mmm yesss sir..I wish I could suck on your cock, drink all of the cum you're going to spill on me"

He moaned at your words and he really wanted to please you but the way you worked him up with your touch and your filthy words were making him lose all his inhibitions, he unbuttoned your shirt until your breasts were exposed and then his mouth sucked and nipped on the erect buds while his thumb rubbed in circles over your clit and middle finger curled inside your warmth.

You didn't really need much stimulation, you have been craving his touch for months now so when you came so suddenly he was only pleased with himself. His fingers were soaking wet as he pulled them out of you, looking right in your eyes he licked them all at once into his mouth, the way his full soft lips wrapped around his own digits was the most erotic sight you had ever witnessed in life.

The ecstatic look on his face gave you enough indication that he was close and you wanted to feel it all on you, you wanted to feel his warm cum on your skin.

"Cum all over me dae…please" your whiny begging voice pushed him over the edge and he aimed for your breasts as he let go, covering every inch of your tits in his glistening cum. The constant whisper of your name as he rode through his high was enough to turn you on again.

"Feeling better?" You asked him in a sheepish manner but he kissed you in response instead of answering and got off the bed to clean the mess he had made on you, once he was done he buttoned up your shirt.

"Was I too rough?" He asked you softly so you smiled,

"Noo come here" you opened your arms, well one arm to be precise, so he sighed before he leaned down and rested his head on your chest

"What's bothering you baby?"

"Nothing I'm just worried about you"

"I'm okay now..I'll be okay"

"I know I just…I'm being stupid'

"No you're not..you're adorable like this"

"Shut up"

"Mmmhhm'

When you woke up from the nap he wasn't there in the bed with you so you called out for him but when he didn't answer you picked up your phone and called him instead

"Darling you up?" He asked you

"Yess where are you?"

"At my condo..had to grab a few of my things" he said and you felt worried thinking about him being alone there with her.

"Ummmm okay..is she there?"

"Yeah" he mumbled as he looked at Samantha, all tied up in chains and bound on the bed still,

"Okay be careful baby and come back soon okay?"

Well he wasn't the one that had to be careful anymore.

"Will be there in a flash i promise"

"I love you" you mumbled softly so he smiled.

"I love you"

Once you hung up, he got up from the chair and walked towards Samantha to take the duct tape off her mouth and she immediately began to hurl verbal abuses towards him which didn't impress him at all, it's not that he hadn't heard her creative words before. He sat back down on the chair and glared at her for a moment before he spoke,

"All of this can end Samantha, you know that right? All you have to do is prove to me that you'd confess for your crime"

"I have given you my word you bastard" she yelled at him so he let out a sound of disapproval. He didn't trust her at all.

"But I don't believe you ..I don't trust you to not change your mind"

"Daemon if I die here you'd be in prison forever..is that what you want?"

"Well at least you'd be dead ey?" He smiled and her eyes welled up in tears of anger and hurt at the same time "Don't fret though, you think I'd let you get away so easily after what you have done to her? Just a slow torturous death? No no no no" He snickered as he leaned into his chair

"I want to watch you rot in prison sweetheart"

You were on the bed waiting for Daemon to come home, being almost bedridden wasn't fun to say the least, sure you were getting to spend plenty of time with him but when he wasn't there you felt absolutely alone.

"Where is the stuff?" You asked him as he entered the room all empty handed.

"In the car..ummm in the backseat of the car" he mumbled as he took his hoodie off and his shirt followed, you were only getting pudgier everyday while he only got hotter somehow. You wondered if Samantha said something to him but you decided to not bring her up.

"Once i recover I want you to train me back to shape"

He smiled as you said that and crawled into the bed to get on top of you, you could smell the cologne mixed with the aroma of freshly burnt cigarette on him.

"In shape you silly girl? You're all perfect but I'll help you get healthy if that's what you desire" he grabbed your chin and talked to you as if you were a petulant child.

"Yeahh ..that .."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"You"

"You had me ..no more exertion..what else?"

There was a smile on his face and it made you smile even wider.

"You seem..in a good mood"

"Yeah you put me there with your little stunt this afternoon" you couldn't help but giggle at his words but then your expressions turned somber.

"I'm bored Daemon..I'm losing my mind over here"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You're doing enough for me..I can't ask you to be here with me 24/7" he sighed before he got off the bed and quickly walked towards the closet to put his shirt on again.

"Let's go"

"What?"

"Come on …I want to show you something "

He picked you up as carefully as he could and made you sit down on the couch as he went back in the room to grab the car keys, then he picked you up again and took you downstairs.

"Where are we going?"

"Shhhh.."

You got quiet as he gave you the eyes, he really wanted to wait for your birthday but he figured this would brighten your mood. Halfway on the road he made you close your eyes and when you opened it you were right in front of the diner. From outside it looked different, he was getting the exteriors changed now that he owned it but that was not what took you by surprise, you gasped as you looked at the new name of the diner. It was no longer Cuisine waves.

"Silly's Cheeseburger" you read the name out loud so he looked at the diner,

"It's so fucking stupid I know..I just wanted you to have a place where you'd feel at home even when you're at work and perhaps think of me every time you see the name"

He chuckled as he looked your way and he was expecting you to laugh or give him eyes or something but he saw you sniffing and crying instead, those were the tears of happiness for a change. He immediately took his seat belt off and scooted closer to comfort you,

"Sentimental little thing aren't you?"

"Shut up ..this is ..the sweetest thing..i ..oh god"

"Hey hey hey okay no crying..no more yeah?" He cooed in your ears as he embraced you as tightly as he could without hurting you. Once you had calmed down a bit he stepped out and opened the door on your side to pick you up so he could take you inside, it was all empty in there due to the renovation. The diner was going through a complete transformation.

"Wait where are ..what about the other staff?"

"Don't worry, they're all off with pay..it will reopen a week later..on your birthday" you gasped again as he revealed that.

"Gosh Daemon i love this..i love you …but is this really the best use of your money? I don't want you to regret it in future"

He smiled as you said that and made you sit down on the bill counter, cupping your cheeks he made you look at him,

"This is not just a financial investment, this place is the reason why you were there in the alley that night, the reason why I met you..why I am no longer just living but alive. I'd never ever regret anything that involves you my love, now I'd shut up because you're going to cry again and I don't like little girls who cry all the time "

You bit on your cheeks as he said that and pulled him closer to kiss him as lovingly as you could.

"You know we are not far apart in age right?"

He chuckled as you said that.

"I'm jesting darling, you can cry all you want but –"

"You hate it I know" he nodded in affirmation.

"Want to see your favorite place?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

You giggled as he picked you up again and took you to the kitchen, it was newly furnished as well, you didn't even recognise it at first.

"New burners oh my gosh, we have been complaining for so long..wait a minute– " a look of realization flashed on your face so he raised his brows .

"Does that mean you're my boss now?"

"Technically yeah..don't look so shocked though ..you know I'm your boss any which ways"

"Haha funny..do you think people will hate me for fucking the boss?" He grimaced as you said that,

"You're so crude and no.. I think they'd suck up to you instead"

"I don't want that either"

"Are you happy?"

"I'm more than happy right now dae, you have no idea how amazing you are"

Only if you knew what he was capable of he thought.

While he was grabbing dinner you were in the car by yourself and something felt off but you couldn't put your finger on it, you had the same sinking feeling in your chest now but you didn't understand why. However as soon as you were back in your apartment suddenly it dawned on you.

You looked at him as he was taking the food out, contemplating whether to ask him the question or not. He seemed happy and relaxed for once and you didn't want to ruin that but then you didn't understand why he was lying to you.

There was nothing in the backseat of his car, none of his belongings, he went to his condo to bring his stuff but he came back empty handed and he told you that his things were in the backseat of his car but you had just been there and it was empty so why did he lie to you?

Where did he go? Was he still seeing Samantha or was he in some sort of trouble with her? Millions of questions bothered you and you knew you had to figure out the truth sooner than later.

☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

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@simbaaas-stuff @ajthefujoshi @witchybitch2 @hypocritic-trash-baby @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @thefallenangel21n @kmc1989

@stupidthoughtsinwriting

#daemon targaryen x reader #daemon targaryen x female reader #daemon targaryen x reader angst #daemon targaryen x reader fluff #daemon targaryen x reader smut #non canon #modern au #read the warnings

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ofstoriesandstardust · 3 months

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chapter 9 - i know it won't work (b.r.b.)

a/n: after ten months of this chapter being at an absolute standstill, i have finally, finally finished this chapter. as always, @gretagerwigsmuse was an extraordinary human being for reading through all of it for me. i don't know if anyone is still interested in this series, but i'm posting it for anyone who is

summary: You're convinced it won't work, despite's Bradley persistence.

flight risk masterlist

warnings: alcohol, insecurities, swearing, this one is a bit heavy but has a hopeful ending

word count: 3.8k

"i've had the thought, tried to work it out through anxious pacin'/what if i'm not worth the time and breath i know you're saving?"

The front door opens as the plate clangs in the dishwasher, forcing you to cringe. You hold your breath, hoping it's not enough to catch the attention of Bradley.

Not just yet.

You aren't ready.

You know you have to talk to Bradley at some point. Tonight, preferably. But still, you're worried that staying might have been the wrong choice, that he doesn't want you here after this morning.

You're afraid to hear him tell you that you have to leave.

Bradley cautiously slips into the kitchen, not quite meeting your eye, almost like he's afraid. His face is hesitant as he cautiously looks up from the floor, to see you standing there, bent awkwardly over the dishwasher you'd been loading for him.

"You're here." He breathes out, almost unsure. "You stayed." He stays put, seemingly thinking that if he takes another step forward, speaks any louder than he currently is, you'll dissipate into thin air. You grimace at the thought that your continued reaction of leaving did that to him.

You shut the dishwasher, wincing as the ceramic plates clang together as you do, before standing straight, wringing your hands together. "Yeah." You breathe, unsure of where to look. "I- I didn't want to leave things between us like that."

He almost looks surprised by that answer, taking a cautious step forward. "So you wanna work things out?"

You lean up against the counter, eyes falling away from his. "I don't know if we can."

He lets out a forced laugh, something underneath you can't read, something that you want to say might be disbelief. "Come fucking on, Sunshine. You're supposed to be in fucking Boston right now. But you're not. You're here. That's gotta count for something, right?"

You push yourself away from the counter, turning away from him. "I don't know, Bradley. Don't you ever think that-" You pause, worrying your lip.

"What?"

You shrug before turning to face him again. "Don't you ever think that if we were supposed to be by now, we would've been?"

Bradley's face softens under his hesitancy. "Sunshine, we were kids when we met. We both had our own baggage and problems; we didn't know any better!" He steps closer to you, closing the distance by almost half. "I firmly believe that if we had gotten together at UVA, we would've blown it."

You huff, rolling your eyes. "Great."

He reaches out for you this time, bringing you back to face him even as you try to turn away again. "Sunshine, please stop reading into everything I say as if I mean the worst. I mean that we were kids and we were young and stupid and traumatized and both just trying to survive. Anything we felt as kids, it wouldn't have been enough for us to persevere against what the real world would've thrown at us." He squeezes your forearms, finally letting you go. "Look at what happened to fucking Tommy and Ella, yeah? They were the perfect couple with the perfect family that ended in divorce because they were kids when they did all that. But look at Eli and Bailey-"

"We're not them." You say, eyes narrowing as you cross your arms. "Stop fucking comparing us to people who don't give a shit about me."

He sighs. "That's not what I meant." He takes a step backwards, running a hand through his hair. "Sunshine, I was not equipped or emotionally available enough to be with you while we were at UVA. I was halfway convinced I was unlovable." His voice breaks as he looks at you pleadingly.

"Bradley, I-" You blow out a breath, shaking your head.

"Sunshine, I've never kept a solid relationship. You know that, a million people have told you that. Even when the other girls were perfect, they weren't you. I have always wanted to be with you Sunshine. I craved you like I crave flying a jet, or spending time with Maverick. You're an integral part of my life and who I am Sunshine, that's never going to go away."

You're unable to bring yourself to say anything, just look at him. Tears are stinging at your eyes for the umpteenth time in the last 24 hours, the emotion crawling up your throat, hearing him talk about how much you mean to him.

"Do you love me?" He whispers softly. “Because I love you - so much.”

You scoff at his question, that Bradley could have ever had any doubt how you felt about him. "Of course I fucking love you. I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since I was 19 and in a shitty relationship you were begging me to get out of. I was in love with you when we were on a fucking camping trip and woke up to you cuddling me. I was in love with you when you were 25 and called me to tell me you were going to Top Gun for the first time and I was in love with you three months ago when you called me and asked me to come visit you. I was in love with you then and I'm in love with you now. I've never stopped, I don't know how."

He frowns as a beat passes. "Why do I get the feeling there's a but coming?"

"It's not realistic, Bradley! It would never- it would never work. We live on opposite coasts. I-" You cut yourself off, unsure of how to vocalize all the doubt you're feeling.

"Isn't the way we feel about each other enough?"

"No!" You nearly shout. "This isn't some Disney movie Bradley, where we all just get a happy ending! We live entirely different lives on opposite coasts. What do you want me to do? Give up my career? Sit here and play happy military wife forever? I can't just- drop everything to come here because I love you."

“That’s not what I’m saying! I’m not saying that you- you have to give up everything for me, much less be confined to the title of your marital status. I’m just saying- you made a sacrifice once before for me.”

"That's not even in the same stratosphere of being the same thing."

He cocks his head. "Then fine, I'll drop everything to be with you."

You scoff again. "Bradley, no."

"Why not?" He demands. "I don't care what it takes. I just want to be with you."

"Bradley, I'm not letting you give up your career, your friends, your relationship with your godfather! You just got Maverick back, for fuck's sake. I can't-" You pause, your throat beginning to feel tight. "I'd never forgive myself if I took that from you." You struggle to swallow around the lump in your throat as a hot tear rolls down your face. "You have a really good thing going here Bradley. I would never ask you to give that up."

"You're not asking! I would give it all up if it meant I got to keep you, to have you."

You tilt your head. "You know that's not true." You whisper hoarsely. "You know that I'm not- I'm not the girl you should give it all up for."

Bradley’s face falls, a look of defeat replacing it. "What will it take for you to see that you're all I want Sunshine?"

You shake your head, turning away from him as you walk towards the kitchen window. "I can not believe I ended up here." You mutter. "How did I end up here?"

Bradley doesn't say anything.

"You know, I always swore I would never get married and because of some stupid decision we made as kids, I did. I swore I would never fall in love and yet because I trusted some stupid kid, I did." You groan, hands reaching up to rub your temples. "I should've been smarter."

"Woulda, coulda, shoulda Sunshine." Bradley says, but you barely hear him, the panic playing out in your mind.

How had you ended up here?

"I'm fucking stupid for doing this to myself, I know how this ends. My parents fucking hate each other and they had kids who hate them and each other. I've got no idea what good love looks like and-"

"Sunshine." Bradley says firmly, stepping back into your swimming vision. "You are not your parents, do you understand me? You're not like, destined to fuck this up, okay?" He reaches out softly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear before kissing the top of your head softly. "Please, Sunshine. Just let me love you. Please, that’s all I’m asking right now.”

“And then what happens? What happens after I’ve let you love me and I’ve fallen even more in love with you? We won’t be able to make dinner together every night or snuggle up on the couch watching TV. I won’t be able to sleep beside you or run errands together. No - no, Bradley. I don’t even have all of those things fully now, I’m not gonna let myself have the dream of it happening one day.”

The defeat in Bradley shows in his stature before you ever see it on his face.

His shoulders slump, exhaustion showing in the lines on his face. He takes a step back from you, hands falling to his sides as he looks at you. Really looks at you.

“You’re gonna leave again, aren’t you?” His voice is so soft, you’re surprised you can hear the way it cracks in the middle.

“Bradley.” You respond, voice just as soft as his.

There is nothing more than you want in that moment to stay, to tell him you’d stay with him forever, to do whatever it took.

But that fear, the fear that had kept you and your feelings at bay all these years, is stronger as you look at him.

“It would never work.”

“It could.”

“It can’t.”

The sheer devastation that crosses Bradley’s face at your surety is almost enough to make you second-guess your own words.

“Please don’t make me say goodbye to you again, Sunshine.”

Yoru throat is tight as you feel the familiar sting of tears in your waterline.

“Bradley, I can’t.”

Bradley’s eyes are glassy, haunted.

It’s a look that haunts your dreams all the way back to Boston.

You set the phone back down on the coffee table, switching music on as you blink away the sting of the lack of notifications on your messages app.

You don’t know why you keep waiting – expecting, really – for Bradley to text you.

You think you made it pretty clear how you feel about him. About where the two of you were going from here.

The Archer plays softly in the background as you grab the bottle of wine out of the bag, scrunching your nose as the chocolate at the bottom of the bag.

You didn’t even really like Ferrero Rocher chocolate but apparently the you that had been throwing yourself a pity party an hour ago was miserable enough to buy it.

You sigh, uncorking the bottle as the song on the tiny bluetooth speaker that sat atop your stove switches over and floats out through your kitchen.

You pause as you recognize the first few keys of the song, groaning as you set the bottle back down on the countertop before walking a few feet to grab your phone.

Sure enough, the familiar album cover of good riddance looks back up at you as you quickly swipe away from the song that had come up on your shuffle.

“Fucking Spotify.” You mutter, slipping your phone into the pockets of the sweats you’d been dying to put on all day.

Three months of traipsing around San Diego in shorts and leggings all the time had ruined you from ever comfortably wearing slacks again.

You only just barely make it through your pour before the buzzer goes off, causing you to flinch.

“Jesus.” You mutter as you re-cork the bottle.

You sigh, picking the glass up and taking a sip of the shitty five-dollar bottle of wine you’d picked up on the way home from the office. You hear the main door open from downstairs and part of you wonders if your boss followed through on her threat of giving you a fruit basket.

(“So, how was San Diego?” Your boss asks.

You sigh, glancing up at her from your monitor before looking back at the email you’re typing out.

“That bad, huh?”

She shuts the door of your office behind her, sitting in the chair across from you.

“Was expecting you to come back with some good news, especially with you taking a few extra days.”

You swallow, closing your tabs you turn your attention back to her.

“I- uh, married this guy in college. It was really- spur of the moment. We were young and stupid and-” You shake your head, swallowing around the lump in your throat. “It just ended up not working out. I went to San Diego so we could get a divorce.”

“Oh shit.” She mutters. She shifts in her seat before she nods to herself.

“What if I sent you a fruit basket? Would that make it better?”)

You wonder if chocolate covered pineapple will taste good with cheap white wine as you fish your phone out of your pocket, typing out a text to her to ask if she had indeed sent you a fruit basket when there's a knock at the door.

“Coming.” You call out before you sigh, setting the phone down on the countertop as you walk a few paces over to the door, before pulling it open, wine glass in hand.

And then you almost drop it.

He hadn’t, not for a second, considered that following you to Boston was a poor choice.

Not when he had to ask Ice to pull strings to get him approved leave.

Not when he booked a last minute flight in the base parking lot on a newly-downloaded Delta app.

Not when Mav had to gently suggest he book a hotel room in case things didn’t go as planned.

(“B, I think you should consider maybe booking a hotel room in case this all goes to shit.” Mav says, sitting down on his bed as he packs his duffle bag.

He freezes, looking at his godfather.

“Fuck, I didn’t even think of that.”

His godfather heaves an overexaggerated sigh, nodding. “Yeah, I figured.”)

Not when he spent a majority of his time in the San Diego airport trying to figure how to take the T from the airport to your apartment in Brookline.

(You’d explained it to him once, something about a blue line and a green line and a Maverick stop, but he’s pretty sure he was admiring the way your eyes sparkled in the sun as the two of sat on the grassy lawn of the courtyard in Balboa Park and decidedly not listening to what you were telling him.)

Not when he took a detour, getting off at a different stop to go to the hotel room Mav and Penny had booked for him and not when he’d taken another stop to get you flowers.

Not when he’d pressed the buzzer for your apartment and not as he walked up the wooden stairs to your third floor apartment.

No, the first time he second-guesses any of his decisions of the last forty-eight hours is when you open your front door, wine glass in hand, music playing in the background, and stare at him.

The flowers feel sweaty in his hand, the brown paper crinkling as he swallows, suddenly forgetting everything he wanted to say.

“I- shit, are you busy Sunshine? I- sorry, I didn’t even think-”

You shake your head, turning to set your wine glass on the entryway table as the music softly plays in the background. “Bradley, what are you doing here?” You ask, shaking your head again as your eyes flit over him.

He takes a deep breath, steadying himself.

“I thought, at first, that maybe you didn’t- you didn’t love me back or care- care about me in the way I did you. But after that last night-” He shakes his head. “I know now that it’s not that you don’t love me. You keep saying that this could never work. And I- I need to show you that it could. It can work, and we will make it work.” He licks his lips, glancing down at the flowers in his hands.

“Bradley-”

“No, Sunshine, I need you to hear me out. Please.” You give a little nod, eyes wide, and he sighs again. “I have it all mapped out, all the weekends I’m free to come visit you here. I get home around 6 every night, which is only 9 your time here. You’ve always been a bit of a night owl, so there’s at least a few hours each night we can FaceTime while I make dinner. We can even do dinner dates on the weekend and call each other while we cook together. We can make this work. We’ve made it work enough for the Navy to believe us all these years, now- now it’s just doing all the things we said we were doing all along. I want to be with you and I don’t care how long it takes, we will get this right. We can do this for however long we need to, for however long it takes, I just- I just want to love you.”

He swallows as his hands jerk out, offering you the flowers as he finally lets himself breathe. You glance down at the flowers and back up to him, eyes wide.

He glances down at them, realizing you aren’t going to take the flowers from him and his next words leave him without his allowance.

“I just want to kiss my wife. Just once.”

The seconds tick by without you saying or doing anything.

It’s excruciating.

He feels his face grow warm as he suddenly realizes how ridiculous this all is. This, the flowers, the showing up announced, the flying cross country, all of it.

“I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have- Okay, I’m- I’m sorry for bothering you Sunshine. I should go.”

He nods, going to turn, when you surge forward, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling his lips down to yours.

The flowers fall out of his hands as he scrambles to cup either side of your head.

The kiss is soft as it is passionate, a juxtaposition you never thought could come from a kiss. His lips are chapped against yours and at the angle you’ve got him at, his nose is nudged against your cheek and yet it’s still the best kiss you’ve ever had. It’s dizzying, the relief and peace that comes from finally knowing what it’s like to kiss him.

It’s the movement of one of his hands down to your shoulder that grounds you, causing you to pull away. You don’t go far, just enough to look him in his eyes.

“I can’t believe I just did that.” You say after a beat, a giddy half-laugh escaping you as the adrenaline thrums through you. “Come inside.” You say, tugging on his shirt. “We should stop giving my neighbors a free show. Mrs. Robinson’s probably watching us through her peephole.”

Bradley lets out a small laugh at the mention of your nosy across the hall neighbor, before bending down to scoop up the flowers. He turns to you as you gently shut the door behind him.

“Do you have a vase for me to put these in?”

“Do I have a- Bradley, what do you take me for? An adult?” He laughs, a real laugh this time, and the sound warms your heart. “Here.” you walk a few paces into your kitchen, Bradley trailing behind you. You open up one of the cabinets, pulling out a tall pint glass.

Bradley’s eyes grow at the sight of it. “Is that the cup from when we went to Oktoberfest? While we were in college?”

You nod, filling the glass at your sink before turning back to him.

While at UVA, your group of friends had gone to Oktoberfest. You’d been too young to drink at the time, a year younger than the rest of them, and Bradley had taken pity on you, giving you his pint glass at the end of the day since you wouldn’t be able to get your own.

You take the flowers from him, trimming the stems off before setting them in the water. You grab the glass, nodding your head to your couch.

“C’mon, let’s sit.”

Bradley follows you as you sit down, if a bit hesitant.

Hesitation, caution, carefree laughter, kindness, love, they’re all looks on Bradley you know well.

But this, the timidness, in his eyes, in the gentleness of his movements, in the lines around his small smile is not something you’re familiar with.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, scooting closer to him once he finally does sit down next to you on the couch.

He swallows before glancing around your place.

“This is cute. Cozy.”

“Better in person than in the pictures I showed you, I bet?” He nods, before glancing back at you. “B, I can’t believe you’re here.” You whisper softly, resisting the urge to reach out and thread your fingers through his.

“You still haven’t told me if you want to try.” He whispers, hazel eyes meeting yours. There’s that timidness again, hidden his voice. “I really want to try, Sunshine.”

This time, you don’t resist the urge and take his hand in yours. You crawl closer to him, placing yourself gently in his lap. His hands automatically wrap around your middle, even if you can still see the nerves in his eyes.

“Bradley, I want to try.” You whisper softly. “I-”

You falter, struggling to find the words to articulate why you had changed your mind.

Maybe it was the love Bradley had for you, was so openly displaying.

Maybe it was the determination he’d had that this could work.

Maybe it was the effort it took to follow you out here.

Maybe it was the knowledge that your fear would deny you the best thing you’d ever had, the best person you’d ever had.

Maybe it was all of it, knowing you’d spend the rest of your life regretting it if you didn’t.

Bradley would be your one that got away. He’d be the one you’d think of what ifs when he inevitably got married to another girl, had kids, and a picket white fence future.

“Sunshine?” Bradley prompts softly.

The thought alone makes you nauseous. You couldn’t let that happen.

“I wanna try, B. I wanna try so bad. I have to try.”

The smile Bradley gives you in return is soft, yet no less sweet and full of love before he presses another kiss to your lips.

“Then we’ll try.”

#bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw x reader #top gun: maverick #top gun: maverick fic #flight risk

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punkeropercyjackson · 2 months

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If you hate Aang i hate YOU.What did this lil nigga even do?He was 12,one minute his life was a paradise living with his people happily then the next he got told he had save the world as a CHILD so he got scared and ran away and THEN he was the last survivor of a genocide.And yet despite all this,he went out of his way to show kindness to everybody,to give them hope,to give them strength,to use HIS strength to protect people and he never expected to be rewarded for it as seen by him helping Zuko back when he was evil,he was literally BEING SWEET TO THE GUY TRYING TO KILL HIM because he realized maybe he wasn't all bad and just a kid like him.He was the first person to really see him for who he is after he got banished and he helped him see that too and bring it out in full force.Aang SAVED Zuko's life just like he saved the world and Zuko loves him more than he does anyone else for it and shows it nonstop

He's so different from what he's expected to be-He's so caring and gentle and open with his emotions and goofy and eager to help and innocent and HAPPY.Even after all he's been through,he still finds it so easy to see the good things in life and fill everybody else's existense with even more good things.He's feminine in a positive way instead of being mocked for it and he loves his culture so much and he's so upset about what happened to his people and the reason he decided to be the Avatar for real is that he knows what the Water Tribe and Earth Kingdom were feeling and ain't no way he was going to just let it keep going when he had the exact power created to stop it

He never forced Katara to love him back.He wanted her to and she wore her mutual feelings for him on her sleeve so often that he spotted them and got freaked out and confused when something made him think he was wrong and reacted badly because he was a fucking child.She was a child just like him and he made her feel like one for once since her toddler years and that's why she felt the same things for him he felt for her and why their love perfected the show.She didn't have to water herself down for him and with him she could be the sea itself

Aang had every right to not want to kill Ozai.He wasn't even 13,not even technically a teenager,he was a kid,a good good kid,and he WAS going to stop him no matter what but what of the Air Nomads?What of Gyatso who was the closest thing he ever had to a father?What of everyone else he grew up with that always nurtured him in his-their beautiful culture that wasn't around to keep going anymore?He couldn't let it die like they did.So he worked his ass off to do both and he won.He shared the Air Nomad heritage with Katara as a token of love and did it platonically for everyone else too and despite how EXTREMELY problematic Legend of Korra is,it vindicated him and his people by making Air Nomads exist again.He deserved that and so did they

Aang was a genocide survivor of color.Aang was a child forced to be a hero.Aang wasn't the perfect boyfriend all the time but he wasn't an abuser either.Aang was traumatized and alone in his heritage and despite everything,he was still a good person not out of 'purity' but because he TRIED TO BE EVERY DAY.Talk about him with some fucking respect seeing as he's done more good for his world than you ever have for ours and takes more pride in his culture too.Aang is the perfect role model for kids of color and jewish kids and all the other ones with his experiences.Aang didn't do anything wrong.Just say you hate anyone who's an actual outcast instead of just quirky and then go do some actual activism and direct action like he inspired me to and so did Katara-Which she also played a big part in and i wish she'd done the same for you instead of you insulting her by taking away her entire character on the basis of making her 'a real girl'.I'm talking like i'm better than you because i am and more importantly so is Aang and Katara and Zuko agree

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olderthannetfic · 3 months

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i read an old fic that was tagged no archive warnings, but it had what i would call a fairly non-con scene. however, the author seemed to think that the character being assaulted consented because he was aroused (yikes, someone flunked sex ed!) even though he's in pain during the sex, but he just takes it and is ultimately ok with it in retrospect. it was a very violent scene - he was thrown up against the wall - and i felt really blindsided in an otherwise romantic fic. is this reportable? there were other comments seeming to be disturbed by the scene, and suggesting adding a non-con or chose not to warn tag, and other commenters who were disturbed. i'm not triggered by rape but it's not my cup of tea, the fact that the author seemed to frame it as the assaulter just being unable to help himself because his love was so strong threw off the rest of the fic for me. i could very easily see it being triggering for someone. there's nothing else in tags or rest of the fic that would indicate that was coming.

Hmm... Well, anything is reportable. Whether PAC will agree with you and force the author to pick between tagging CNTW and noncon is another story.

This sounds like a clear-cut case of mislabeling, especially if there's no dubcon tag on it.

Short answer: Yes, I would report.

Long answer:

It does not sound like this fic is actually that old if the author is responding to comments and disagreeing with people's interpretations as is sort of vaguely implied here.

People being potentially triggered is irrelevant: people are often triggered by things they project onto a fic or by things that don't require archive warnings. But if it's tagged inaccurately, then yes, PAC will take action.

Without reading the fic myself, I have no idea whether I'd agree it needs a tag.

My own perspective as a writer who loves dubcon and dislikes sad noncon is that readers very frequently project hard. There's nothing about the sex being painful or the character being thrown against a wall that necessarily suggests the fic is noncon. I've had painful sex on purpose because it was hot.

For me, a "very violent" written sex scene would generally involve blood or physical damage from sex. I'm talking vaginal/anal tearing or something, not finger-shaped bruises on arms from being shoved against a wall. (The fic doesn't have to be violent to be noncon. My point is more that wall shoving strikes me as small potatoes, so it makes me wonder if I'd share the rest of your interpretation or not.)

I've written plenty of things where the kink is clearly telegraphed and anyone who finds it hot gets what was supposed to be happening, but some readers interpret this as the "victim" being traumatized and in denial because they don't share this kink and find it hard to believe that anyone could be like that.

I've also written things where the "victim" is super into it but is genuinely trying to stop the proceedings for other reasons and the aggressor has zero reason to think it's consensual. I do generally think those need a noncon rather than a dubcon warning since there's an active no as opposed to just a lack of a clear yes. I've written things where the "victim" is fully consenting, but the aggressor isn't for various reasons. The most relevant tag really depends on exactly how something is played.

I've also had fic imported from old archives or uploaded my old fic and barely remembered it. I was just reviewing my old tags and thinking "Why on earth is this one CNTW... Oh my!", having entirely forgotten a rape scene in something that's considerably darker than what I usually write (but where there aren't really any emotional consequences, hence me having forgotten). If the fic is old old and the author isn't responding to comments, they may genuinely just not remember what the content is. (Granted, if this is actually what happened, they ought to have imported it with CNTW to cover their ass till they could review the work.)

A bunch of readers agreeing with you suggests that your interpretation is probably accurate in this case. The situation you outline is not unusual. It's just that I have plenty of experience with the other option.

If you think it's this clear cut, it's worth reporting. Hell, even if you think it's somewhat ambiguous, it's worth reporting.

The worst that will happen is that PAC will agree with you and the author will be angry or that PAC won't agree with you and you'll have wasted a little bit of staff time.

If the author isn't around, PAC has the ability to add the CNTW warning themselves (but not the noncon one).

Honestly, there's very little downside in reporting on AO3, regardless of what you're reporting or why. The consequences for the reported author are minimal, and cases are reviewed by actual humans, none of this nonsense where some platforms delete accounts that get reported too often.

Unless you're reporting 100 things a day or reporting things without reading the rules, you should never feel guilty about using that option on AO3.

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romanticizingmurder · 2 months

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One of the things that comes up a lot in meta on the vampire chronicles is trying to delineate between "this is being treated as a kink fantasy", "this is fictional trauma beinf sexualized", and "this is being treated like real trauma would be" and I think the interesting and almost unique to itself aspect of TVC is that...it's almost always all of the above.

I've been thinking about David and Lestat's respective turnings lately and what strikes me about both is how they don't really neatly line up into "portrayal of horrific trauma", "rape fantasy", or even "cnc fantasy" (hear me out, we'll get there), but are an uneasy mixture of all of them at the same time.

Disclaimer: I am going to be talking about rape in a fictional story both as a traumatic violence and as a fantasy. I am coming at this from the point of view of someone who enjoys kinks, including nonconsent in fiction, and who is a real life survivor.

Using David's turning because most of the discussion around it is neatly in the same one or two places, we see it treated as all of these things in turn.

Lestat undeniably rapes David. That is not only the implication from blood drinking as a metaphor for sexual desire, but explicitly the language used:

There are scenes of genuine anguish after the assault:

At the same time, the scene is, at least in my opinion, pretty sexualized! We linger in descriptions of David's body, of Lestat's pleasure in this monstrous deed.

And if this was all there was to it, I'd feel pretty comfortable putting this (and the many situations which mirror it in TVC) as a dead dove sort of situation. It's erotic horror, and this is both erotic and horrifying. What else did you expect?

And yet.

Let me make a relevant digression:

Up until 2012, when new research started coming out, the most popular theory for why rape fantasies are so prevalent among women was something called sexual blame avoidance. The idea being that women's sexuality and desires are so shamed by society as a whole that fantasies wherein they are forced allow them a guiltless way of experiencing desire.

This actually appears to not be the case for most people with these fantasies, but it certainly still is for many, and, possibly more relevantly: when these books were written, this would have been The theory on rape fantasies. That rape fantasies are a manifestation of desires that one feels ashamed of, so the fantasy of being forced removes one's agency and thus blame.

And here is David, having been raped by Lestat, saying he really did want it, he just couldn't allow himself to want it.

David had a desire he felt shame for desiring, and Lestat took away that shame by forcibly acting upon it.

It's easy to read this as simply rape apologism, and I can't stop anyone from reading it that way. And I don't and can't really know what Anne was thinking in this or in any number of other scenes that encompass erotica and horror and the comfort of fantasy all at once.

All I can do is say that the first thing I thought of when reading David's speech was how it felt directly lifted from any number of conversations I've had with other survivors on the appeal of cnc scenes. All I know is how I felt reading this and any number of other scenes in this series, which was: oh, finally someone understands what the fantasy is about.

But I think what trips people with that is that these stories aren't "just" short or erotica without weight. These are long stories with character development and emotional weight and real explorations of trauma. And I don't think that's inaccurate! I think they are that. I think these are, at least to me, also long explorations of kink fantasies and how the dynamics of those fantasies, removed from the need for consent and risk awareness of the real world.

Lestat can rape David and it can be something traumatic, something erotic, and something he ended up believing he wanted, because it's not one or the other in this universe. It can be an exporation of cycles of trauma, erotic horror, and long form kink fantasies written with real emotion, all at once. We don't have to choose just one - and I don't think Anne did, either.

#'im going to make a webweave' 4 hours later:#tripping and falling into meta about kink in tvc

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hyperactivewhore · 10 months

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If you're a Damon or Katherine fan, I really don't recommend you read this. But if you dislike them as much as me, go ahead.

I was (stupidly) one of the few people that chose to think Damon didn't rape Caroline, because Pl*c said he didn't. And like, I prefer to believe that, not because I like Damon, I despise him, but because the amount of sexual abuse this show has is disgusting.

Tyler trying to rape Vicky, Damon raping Caroline, Katherine raping Stefan, etc. And damn, perhaps even when Klaus made out with Caroline while he was in Tyler's body.

Do I think he would have slept with her? No, but the fact that Caroline had already took her shirt off and Klaus didn't stop her until later always felt off for me. I don't think he would have raped her, at all. I don't see any of the Mikaelson as the rape type, perhaps Mikael, but not even then.

But anyways, while scrolling through Google, I decided to search how Julie actually "confirmed" Damon didn't rape Caroline, and honestly it's just pathetic.

What does this even mean? Caroline herself said he abused her, AND fed on her. I mean, the quote is literally "I remember how you manipulated me. You pushed me around, abused me, erased my memories. Fed on me."

Yes, Caroline consented to sex the first time, but after that? He fed on her, and raped her as well.

And Katherine raped Stefan as well, I'm pretty sure. When she began compelling him, to "go on exactly like they wanted", he literally wasn't mentally able to consent to a romantic relationship with her, less alone sexual. And Stefan was 17, exactly the same age Caroline was when Damon raped her.

So, if I'm correct, Katherine raped Stefan, Damon raped Caroline and Andy, Tyler tried to force himself on Vicky and I think it's implied Stefan is a rapist as well in a flashback, but I'm not too sure because the last time I saw TVD (other than seasons 3/4) was in 2018, right when it ended, but the whole thing is him being seen with naked women and blood all over them while he had his humanity off I think. Anyway, disgusting.

I don't think the writers intented for them to be considered rapists, especially if we take into account the three of them are fan favorite. But it was 2009, a lot of things were taken lightly and I'm 100% sure TVD wouldn't have made it past the pilot if it had been streamed in 2020.

And yeah, every single character is a murderer on this show, but there's a difference between them. Both are traumatic and both are unforgiving, and in real life no one wants to be through that (I've seen people compare Elena and Caroline's trauma, her being raped and the first being abused by Klaus, which it's disgusting, there is no need to compare them). But if you're gonna bring one of them to fiction, always chose murder. Because in murder there may be a "redeeming" quality that explains why you did it, but rape? It's completely disgusting, it's awful and there is nothing that will ever excuse taking someone's free will like that.

But anyways: The Vampire Diaries is racist, rapist and a lot of things I'm for sure forgetting now. It's really hard to be a fan of this show sometimes, but I still like it, though I'm more of a fan of The Originals. And that show has problems of it's own, considering it made Elijah look racist and made Klaus sympathize with a group of vampires that the show recognized as nazis.

#anti damon salvatore #anti katherine pierce #klaus mikaelson #stefan salvatore #tyler lockwood #elena gilbert #elijah mikaelson #the originals #the vampire diaries #tvd #to #candice king #joseph morgan #ian somerhalder #paul wesley #nina dobrev #I posted this a while back but ended up deleting it accidentally #I had it in notes though 🤭

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hyperfixatedfandomer · 1 year

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He cared

Summary: Sullys find out what Spider did and he crumbles as the pain he’s been holding in for his entire life finally comes to the surface .

“You…you what?” Kiri asked, her voice shaking.

“I…I saved him.” Spider’s heart hammered against his ribcage in guilt and fear, but he looked bravely into her eyes. He had to be honest, had to tell them because it was the right thing to do.

Maybe he was writing his own death sentence, but Eywa doesn’t like liars, and neither does Spider himself. He was taught better than that, and it was better to rip off the band-aid sooner than later.

Seconds felt like years as the family all collectively went into shock, the realisation dawning on them slowly, painfully so, and suddenly the boy was overcome with terror. What had he done? He shouldn’t have stayed with them after what he did, he should have ran away or thrown himself off of a cliff or—

“Why did you do that?” Jake began, standing up slowly, growing louder with every word. “WHY?!” He took Spider‘s shoulders and shook him, looking rather pained than angry, like a part of him hoped there was some obscure explanation for why this boy saved a monster who was responsible for traumatising so many people in the past few months and promised to kill them all.

Honestly, the boy didn’t expect be given an opportunity to explain himself. Spider actually believed someone would snap his neck before he could open his mouth again, so he hasn’t thought it out this far, and the question was a simple one, however…he didn’t know the answer.

Or, well, he knew, there were many, but had no idea which one to give them, which one would make them understand, which one would stop them from killing him, although at this point he kind of felt like he deserved it.

Quaritch saved my life. Twice. I was only returning the favour.

He is not the same man who led the war on Pandora, he can change, he can redeem himself.

Eywa said all life is sacred, I couldn’t leave him to die, it would be wrong.

These were all real factors, honest feelings he had about his father captor, but deep down he knew that none of those played a role in that moment, when he saw that man drowning, for there was only one thought on his mind, only one feeling.

Fear. He feared for him. For this broken, twisted man who nevertheless had good in him, in these rare moments they’d share, the little smiles he’d give the boy when he was around simply because being with him made Quaritch happier, and it felt amazing to be wanted, and when he was wanted, Quaritch no longer felt like a horrid monster. Rather, he was simply a person forced into an identity of a dead man, trying to play the role he was given because it was all he had.

Until he got Spider.

And back on that burning ship, when the kid almost got murdered, he saw it.

He saw that Quaritch too, feared for him, and his mask crumbled as he let Kiri go.

So how could he let him die? The man who took him from everything he ever knew and kept him hostage but also…looked out for him? Genuinely gave him his all, even if his all was the bare minimum? Who tried, for him? Who gave up his mission and practically doomed himself to failure, for him?

“TELL ME!” Jake shook the boy more violently, locking eyes with him. Neytiri was too devastated to even move, recalling that dreadful day and imagining how she’d have to deal with it again.

Lo’ak’s breathing was heavy and sure enough, he began hyperventilating at the possibility of meeting Quaritch again.

The panic of other family members caused Tuk to start worrying too. She knew what Quaritch’s survival meant but she couldn’t be mad at Spider for not allowing someone to die, he was just being a good person, she thought, trying to push the traumatic memories of a Na’vi dressed in camo looming over her. Spider wasn’t a bad guy, she knew that much, so she put her small hands on her mother’s shoulders, trying to shake her out of the shock. “Mommy..?…”

“SPIDER GOD DAMN IT!” Jake became more distressed, cupping the kid’s face to force him to snap out of whatever brainstorm he was having and start talking. After all it wouldn’t be long until Neytiri comes out of her trans and she just might go wild again, spurred by the horrid memories.

“How..how could you!? How could you DO THAT!?!?” Lo’ak was now coming toward the teen with wide strides and Jake outstretched his left hand to force a distance between them. This was getting out of control and Spider still hasn’t said a word after his confession. “After EVERYTHING HE DID! TO NEYTAYAM! TO KIRI AND TUK! TO US! TO YOU!!”

“BECAUSE HE CARED, UNLIKE YOU!!!”

The hut went silent. Spider never raised his voice like this before, pouring his hurt and frustration into every syllable, but it felt so damn selfish to admit it, that at the bottom of it all, this was the real reason.

Quaritch simply gave him more attention in several months than the entirety of Omatekaya, Jake and Neytiri did in his entire life and it felt pathetic to admit that he got attached so easily.

He begged Eywa to forgive him, but at least he was being honest, the great mother couldn’t blame him for that.

“He chose me…even when he had nothing to gain…” Spider then mumbled with a shaky breath. “Even when he didn’t have to…he chose me.”before breaking eye contact with Jake and looking away.

Meanwhile, Jake’s anger was now nowhere to be found, and neither was Lo’ak’s. Kiri held an understanding expression and even Neytiri’s fury subsided.

The father looked at Spider with an increasingly guilty expression, his grip on the shoulders weakening, turning gentle before he embraced him ever so tightly, pouring all of shame, all of his regret and affection into it.

And that’s all it took for the boy to break down into tears as he weakly put his arms around the man’s neck.

Lo’ak couldn’t move, he knew that Spider felt this way for a long time but never made a substantial effort to do anything about the problem. He thought it would blow over but instead, his friend got so neglected he trauma bonded to the first man who treated him with basic affection. He felt guilty.

Kiri moved forward, hugging spider and her father tightly to support her friend, and soon her brother joined her, then Tuk.

And then, with something akin to pity, Neytiri did too, putting her hand on the back of spider’s hair. She brought this on herself, this self-fulfilling prophecy…but it didn’t have to be that way.

It will take time, and they’ll make mistakes, but Spider is no longer a stray cat and so, they have to try, really try this time.

To show him he is no longer alone, that he no longer needs to go for the worst option just to stay afloat.

To show him what love really feels like.

And Quaritch? If that man shows up again, they’ll face him, and they’ll do it together, like a fortress.

Because Sullys leave no one behind. Not anymore. Not ever again.

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chaosduckies · 2 months

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Restoration (Chapter 1)

Finally! Finished the first chapter! It’s also my first official g/t story. Enjoy!

Word count: 3,500

CW: Mentions of Death, Fear, and panic attacks (they don’t actually happen)

1- Nathan

Don’t you wish that sometimes you could reverse time? Whether you never wished to be born, or if you just did something really embarrassing. You want to know what I would do if I could reverse time? Make sure my parents did move away from our little home in the country sooner. We all had loved it. With no loud noises and no people to tell us that we were weird. Just me, my parents, and the most beautiful view of coniferous trees ever. And that was stripped away from us.

We had heard nothing but the dreadful screams and the cackling in the back of our minds. The only glimpse we had of out new home was the wicked smiles of our torturers. The only thing we were allowed to see were bodies being ripped in half. No longer the sight of the maple leaves turning orange during the fall, no longer the sight of a sunset. Nothing. Nothing but a red, bloody void.

Terrible right? How could I describe something you don’t even know? It’s not that hard. Just two words. Human trafficking. Where humans are taken away from our home and forced to make entertainment for beings with no hearts. They didn’t care what happened to anything that was below them in the food chain. That didn’t care how a “lesser” being felt. Because who would want to know about how a seven year old cried about seeing their own dad being ripped in half, huh? Who cared about how many times you’ve broken someone else’s bones? Who cared how much you traumatized a kid who used to have their whole life ahead of them?

That was how I lived more than half of my life. Fearing everything that could and would hurt me. Scared of what would happen the very next day. Scared of the unknown truth that was my life. Even if my mom had kept reassuring me that everything would be okay. Even when my dad was long out of our lives, but never forgotten. Even when she was on the brink of death herself…

Then, there was a glimmer of hope. And all I remembered were gun shots and my mom screaming and dragging me underneath something. Hidden away from the people that were trying to help us. After my mom had finally realized that those people were there to help, she asked me to go out and get them to come help her. I remembered seeing her bloody leg. I remember her tying a piece of string around to stop it from bleeding anymore. And I remember being scared to go. What was I supposed to do? I was just subdued to years and years of torture and all of a sudden I’m supposed to trust the same people that hurt us?

The only reason I gathered up enough courage was because my mother had practically begged me and passed out afterward. I couldn’t leave her there to die like dad. And so what I thought would be our imminent doom yet again, was our hope for surviving. The people here helped get my mom to get better, and fixed up my multiple broken bones and wounds. They sent me to a program that taught basic skills before I could be placed into an actual school. Everything was going great. I had my life ahead of me. Then, the papers forcing my mom and I to transfer to a co-ed city arrived.

Our little utopia was crumbling to the ground. Living in the same city as giants? Hah. No. I’d rather die than be around those monsters again. They’d just hurt us. And for some odd reason, my mom was smiling. Genuinely smiling even after reading the notice. She never looked mad, upset, or even the slightest bit scared. She smiled and cheered that we could have a normal life again. That I could have the childhood I never had.

I admit, I believed this could be a good change as well. I could be around other people my age. Maybe make friends? And so began this great journey of trying to act like nothing had happened. Like my mom and I weren’t just subdued to torture for the last 8 years. No one would know, and no one would care.

Today stated off as any normal day. I got dressed, brushed my teeth, ate breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the first day I was cleared to go to an actual school. After moving away from the hospital and coming over to the co-ed city, I kind of thought this was a good idea. I mean, who’s to say that it’ll tun out like it did in the country? For all I know I won’t even have to go to school with giants. I could just go to an all human school or something. That’s what I was hoping for on the way here. But, now that my mom and I have been here for nearly a month, I’ve learned that wasn’t the case.

I was going to school with humans and giants. Whether I liked it or not.

My mom tried to reassure me, saying that there were more rules set up in a city rather than in the country. That wasn’t what I was worried about though. I was more worried about what would happen if I was alone. This was a completely new place that I’ve never been to. Who know’s what could happen?

The bus came to pick me up and some other younger kids who were laughing at something on their phones. The atmosphere had completely changed. It was thick, and heavy. Maybe it was because it was early in the morning? Or maybe it was because everyone dreaded the day? I mean it was Monday after all. Whatever was making them look so drained and tired was obviously not good. Making my nerves rise like crazy.

I sat down near the front of the bus, trying to avoid the other kids my age. There was just something about them that had me on edge. It’s not like I didn’t want to to make friends, it’s just that I had to be careful who I place my trust in. Especially when I was going to a school made for people much, much bigger than me.

It was hard to keep my mind off of the fact that I would be walking along with giants again, but unless I wanted to undergo a panic attack on my first day, it was best to just ignore everyone and everything. At least until I could work up the courage to walk without my legs losing balance or without running away. Which will probably happen today. I’d be surprised if I could go three minutes without freaking out.

The school was around a ten minute drive from my house. Plenty of time to really set into perspective where I was going. I checked my phone to make sure I would be able to call my mom in case something went wrong, made sure I had my schedule, and soon enough we were all exiting the bus.

In front of me was a huge building. This was the human entrance to the school. Giants was on the other side so I at least didn’t have to deal with that until later on in the day. Hopefully. Compared to what I was guessing the giant side of the school, the human side was extremely tiny. Overall, the place looked very nice. They had well-kept flowerbeds on the outside with a couple benches outside for I guess when students came here before the doors open.

When you walked into the building, there were lockers lining the walls up until you reached the doorways to the main classes. People were crowding all over, trying to meet up with their friends or just trying to get to class early. It all felt too much for me. I wasn’t used to being around so many people at once and it was really overwhelming me. Meanwhile, I still needed to figure out where the heck my class was in this mess. Somewhere in this hallway hopefully…

After wandering around aimlessly for ten minutes, I finally found the classroom, thankfully in the human school. The only problem was that I had all eyes on me. I was not used to this however. One or two people? I could deal with. But with and entire classroom full? It just made my nerves go all over the place, and of course I didn’t show it at all. Staring at the tiled ground and finding the one empty seat on the far left of the class between two girls who both glared at me like I just interrupted their very important conversation about how their makeup looked. I mean I did, but I was too afraid to apologize now that they already hated me.

Overall, the first half of the day was okay. No one talked to me and I didn’t talk to anyone. Mostly because there were so many whispers and mentions of me that had me thinking they were already talking bad about me. Why was all the attention on me? I was probably the most uninteresting person ever. I even heard someone say that I wasn’t going to last a week in this place, which seemed right if I were being honest.

The bell rang, releasing us for lunch, and I just followed the crowd that started flooding the halls. I wasn’t hungry. At all. It’s just that I don’t know where I’m going in this huge place. The human side of the school looked really small compared the the giants’ side, but it’s really big inside.

The cafeteria was shared between both giants and humans. Why was I barely finding this out now? I had zero idea. It would have been helpful to know that beforehand so I could mentally prepare myself, but now I didn’t have anymore time and I was currently standing right in the middle of the floor searching for a place to hide.

Of course there were human tables nearby, but I had no idea which group of people sat at which. The last thing I needed was for someone to get mad at me over a table. That would be pointless. So, here I was. Definitely not on the human side of the cafeteria, and instead standing right in the middle of a walkway for giants. Can I add on that? I was too frozen in fear to move.

Sure, there were other humans walking along where I was, but they could actually move. I had no idea how they could when people that were as tall as skyscrapers, some even taller, were walking along with them. I don’t get it! Even more odd, humans were going around the giant tables and climbing into something that took them on top.

So this place did have commodities for humans. There apparently were elevators that took you on top of the giant table to human tables on top. That only took me forever to figure out at that moment, but that’s what was going on. So everyone was friends here or something? Well, maybe not everyone since there were other humans sitting on their side.

After taking a good five minutes to gather up my thoughts, I finally was able to walk away from being in the middle of the floor and in a corner table where no one was currently sitting. The farthest table away from the giants. And it seemed like no one was going to sit here anyways. I can’t believe that I didn’t run away. I mean I was just frozen in fear, but that doesn’t count!

Lunch was loud. Mainly because the giant’s voices were so loud and I hated the fact that no one minded but me. These other kids have been here for who knows how long so I was guessing they were just used to it. It made sense in my head.

Th day went on. The second half of my school day was mainly in the giant’s side, which I dreaded, but they made a separate hall to get there. One that avoided being stepped on I was guessing. The classrooms here were huge of course, and they had humans on a separate desk all together. To avoid what you may ask? I had zero idea.

It was going alright until my last period. I had successfully avoided giants all day (To some extent) and then my last period came tumbling down right on top of me. First, there was no desk in the back that had the human-sized ones. Second, humans were taking one of those elevators like at lunch to get on top of a giant’s desk acting like they weren’t just a hundred feet up in the air. Third, but last, the teacher was approaching me. Did I mention she was a giant?

“You must be Nathan! Nice to meet you!” She had greeted, crouching down and holding her hand out. Did… did she want me to shake her hand. Er… finger? Oh heck. My heart was beating fast as I stared at her outstretched hand. Um. What do I do? And suddenly those same eyes came onto me. Peering right through my body. Again, why did all the attention come to me?

I reached out a shaky hand, trying to keep my legs from buckling underneath me, and lightly placed my hand over the tip of her finger as she gently shook it. I gulped, expecting for there to be more, but she smiled softly and sadly at me. What did that mean? Should I be worried? What class was this even? I just read on my paper to come to room 135.

“Hm… now who doesn’t have a human partner?” She turned her head up, looking for any raised hands. I couldn’t see anything. Heck, I could barely even look up. There were still a couple eyes on me, and I couldn’t help but feel the acid from my stomach leave a nasty taste in my mouth. Just a couple more minutes and you can go home. I had to remind myself before the teacher smiled and told me to follow her. I did, just a little ways from her, trying to ignore the stares that were practically stabbing me in the back.

I couldn’t help but hear whispers again. Where was she taking me. Wait let me rephrase that. Who was she taking me to? By the looks of it giants and humans were randomly paired up for some odd reason. On my way to whoever’s desk I was going to, I couldn’t help but dread this. What if I fell off? What if the person who’s desk I’ll be on forgets I’m there and knocks me off? What if they don’t like me? Questions swirled in my head, but I knew I wasn’t going to get answers right now.

The teacher stopped, turned down to me and smiled. Was she waiting for me to do something? Oh wait. Elevator, right. Multiple sets of eyes were on me once again as the elevator slowly went up. Nerves built up inside of me. Anxiety. Heck, maybe even a panic attack. I felt dizzy, but I would survive. There was only thirty minutes left of the day. I could survive. Yeah.

The elevator stopped, opening a little gate to the open desk with a huge journal on it. I gulped, taking my first steps. The first thing I noticed about this guy was that he didn’t look as welcoming as the teacher. He gave me “Quiet Kid” vibes. Not to mention that he was dressed in mostly black.

Replayed in my mind was the sick smirk and laughter coming from my captors. If this guy got ahold of me I would be dead. I was so sure of it that I tasted the vile in my mouth and my knees nearly buckling right from underneath me. But, I couldn’t help but wonder why he was wearing a nervous look on his face instead of the usual sickening grin.

“Ryker, Nathan. Nathan, Ryker. I’m sure you’ll both get along well.” The teacher cheered, heading to the front of the class and taking role call. Leaving all alone with someone who looked like he would rip my body in half. Just great. As soon as I had stepped out of the elevator, I was once again frozen with fear. This time at a much closer radius than I would have preferred. Because now I was definitely in arms reach of him. Not something that I’d like to be near.

My eyes fell to the ground as tears threatened my eyes. Too bad I wasn’t going to let anyone see them. I slowly walked over to the human desk, seeing that it was father from the edge than I had thought and there were railings so it would pretty hard to fall off without actually trying.

The teacher smiled while standing up from her chair, “Welcome to Human and Giant Interactions for those of you who don’t know. I’m Mrs. Kay. Some people are taking this class willingly, or they just need the credit to graduate, but I would still love to get everyone involved and take this class seriously.” She had explained. What. I don’t remember putting this on the extracurricular format. Then again the hospital did say these kinds of classes would benefit for me. So did they really have to put this class on my schedule? Life really did hate me. A lot.

This class went by painfully slow. It was mainly just videos on current events with humans and giants, and then Mrs. Kay asking us questions to which only the people on the front desks had answered. Not that I even wanted to answer a question like that. But it was mostly hard to focus when you had someone who could very easily push me off the side of the desk without even trying. I mean, I never once looked behind me the entire class period. Only hearing him flip pages in his notebook from taking notes like everyone else in the room.

One other thing I had noticed was that rarely anyone had talked. For a class that was supposed to bring humans and giants together, it really didn’t seem like it. Then again, I had no idea wha they really did in this class. Maybe she just doesn’t like talking? Or people didn’t want to get in trouble or something? They were too tired? That would make the most since it was the end of the day.

It felt like forever before the final bell had rang. I rushed down that stupid elevator thingy and hurried out the doors to the bus stop so I wouldn’t have to dread this until tomorrow morning all over again.

My mom was still at work, so I just cooked some dinner for myself, made her a plate and stuffed it in the fridge and went to my room. This was going to hard to get through, but if my mom thinks it’ll help then I believe her. I mean, what other choice did I have?

As soon as I heard the front door open, I saw my mom sighing while putting up her purse. I walked to the kitchen to heat up her dinner, earning a quiet chuckle form her. It sort of made me sad to think that she’ll never smile the same way again. Heck, she can’t even stand it when people touch her after what had happened. But at least we’re both still alive.

“Smells amazing Nate.” She complimented, using her same soft and broken voice. She grabbed one of the plastic plates from the cabinet and getting herself a cup of tea.

“How was school?”

What was I even supposed to say to her? That it was terrifying every second? That I barely even survived the day without going under a panic attack? I couldn’t tell her that. She’d be so worried about me she wouldn’t worry about herself. I couldn’t do that to my mom.

“It was good.” I put on my best fake smile and made her plate.

“That’s good. There were no troubles?”

“None so far.”

“Thank you for doing this Nate. I just want you to have a normal childhood. I couldn’t have you at that hospital any longer.” She sadly explained, planting a soft kiss on my cheek.

“I know mom. I’ll be fine.”

She gave me a warm smile before taking her plate and sitting on the couch with the tv on. She didn’t need to know that I was practically forcing myself to even be around other people. It would put too much stress on her. For now, I’ll just force myself to endure whatever decides to throw itself at me.

————————————————

And first chapter officially done. To be honest I wrote this just for the fun of it. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually make this a series instead of abandoning it? Don’t know.

#g/t #G/t writing #g/t angst #g/t fearplay #Oc: Nathan #Oc: Ryker #Restoration #my oc’s #Gt #sfw g/t #giant/tiny

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hayleyarts · 3 months

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Darkness

*Author's note: This is a blurb I literally just threw up on a page. Bear with me for any spelling mistakes. And honestly, this could technically be a Spencer x Reader, however it's mainly just a blurb. Also! I was listening to Lewis Calpaldi's cover of when the party's over while writing this so I highly recommend you listen. It's VERY good*

Darkness. That’s what happens when you die. At least that’s what happened to me when I took the final burning breath; my lungs filling with water and other lake debris. Drowning isn’t how I thought I would die, considering my profession; I figured a stray bullet would take me out. But here I am, sinking slowly to the bottom of a lake in the middle of nowhere. Drowning almost seems peaceful, in a way. Once the final burn of water leaves, you drift. It’s a comfortable type of drifting.

When my day started this morning, I didn’t think it’d end this way. The team and I were working on a case in Oak Creek Wisconsin. It was your typical case, bodies of young women were washing up on the shore of Lake Michigan. The M.O, however, wasn't drowning. All these women died from blunt-force trauma and then dumped in the lake. We figured the Unsub lived near the lake in some capacity because he was comfortable there. But we also knew that he wasn’t confident; he snuck up on these women. He either was too shy, or felt like he was too ugly to talk to them. Regardless, this case felt pretty cut and dry; especially when Garcia found his information quickly once we narrowed-down the suspect pool and we quickly went to pursue him at his remote cabin on the lake.

We broke into two groups; Hotch, J.J, and Emily taking the front while Rossi, Morgan, Spencer and I took the back. Morgan leads the charge in the back as we clear rooms; calling out as we do so. Eventually we cleared the whole cabin, the Unsub nowhere to be found. Spencer and I decide to move out and search further into the backyard. If it were different circumstances, I’d say the view of the lake was beautiful. Aside from the garbage littering the grass and the various tools laying haphazard throughout the yard; it looked normal. We knew it was anything but.

I didn’t get a lot of time to enjoy the view, as the Unsub bursts through the doors of the decrypted shed and runs towards the lake. Spencer draws his gun, shouting at the man to stop but I don’t hear him as I run past. I wasn’t going to let this coward run away. I tackle him into the lake, trying to detain him and pull him to shore. He was a lot stronger than I anticipated and we struggled; him throwing punches and curse words my way before dunking my head under the water.

I emerge from the murky abyss a few times, but the Unsub doesn’t give me enough time to catch my breath before holding my head down again. It was when my lungs were burning that I heard the muffled bang of a gunshot, but I was already drifting into the darkness. I didn’t feel the Unsub’s lifeless body fall into the lake beside me, nor did I feel the arms of my colleague pulling me out.

I embraced the darkness, it felt warm and comforting considering all the hell I’ve seen and experienced on this job. It was the exact opposite of what I thought death would feel like. I’ve heard Spencer describe death as a light; him retelling his traumatic encounter with Tobias Hankel. But this was mere darkness; like hiding under your blankets at night.

I knew it wasn’t my time though. I still had so much left to do in the world; so many more people to save. So when I started to feel pressure on my chest, I knew it was Spencer performing CPR. What I didn’t know was that he was crying the entire time; begging me to come back.

I cough violently, the water leaving my lungs and being replaced by air and I open my eyes, suddenly feeling so very cold.

“Spencer?” My voice didn’t sound like mine, it sounded far away.

“Thank god.” Spencer pulls me into his arms, warming me up completely from the chill of the abyss.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds blurb #spencer reid blurb #fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction

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theconcealedweapon · 12 days

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A lot of people say this, but many of them are not the type of people who it's safe to open up to.

What a lot of people don't realize is that suicide is not a light switch. It's often caused by pain that seems survivable at first but over time slowly gets more intense or slowly gets less hopeful for the pain to end. At what point during that timeline is someone considered suicidal? At what point should they open up about it? What happens if they open up too early and it ends up being a false alarm and they worry people for nothing, get accused of exaggerating, or get involuntarily committed to a hospital?

Also, many suicidal people could easily save themselves if they understood exactly why they were suicidal, which means that helping them requires acknowledging that their experience is difficult to explain and not jumping to conclusions. But many people who say that they want to help are often the first to jump to conclusions.

I was suicidal because of a party I was at where someone went out of his way to make it seem like I was bothering anyone I tried to talk to. This would have completely thrown off my ability to read people and made me feel like the world was a better place for people like him than for people like me, which would have been deadly when the pandemic started and the painful memory was combined with the loneliness of the pandemic. Thankfully, when I was about to leave that party, two of my friends reassured me that they loved me and wanted me to stay there. They saved my life. But before I understood what happened, I had very powerful feelings for one of those friends (even without consciously thinking about that party). At first it felt like just a crush, but it was so powerful that I could die from it. The feelings I had for her made perfect sense after I realized that she saved my life, but before then it felt like I had an unhealthy obsession with her. So I tried everything I could think of to get my mind off of her, and nothing worked. Being autistic made it much harder, because understanding my emotions and connecting with other people is much harder for me than it is for the average person.

One time, when I was stoned and saying random things to my sister and my mom, I ended up mentioning how traumatic my experience was for me. In an attempt to explain how traumatic it was and how I had to force myself to do things that my brain was not meant to do, I said that after what I've been through I'd probably be able to solve the feud between my other sister and my cousin.

At no point did I plan to do anything, or think it was a good idea, or want to do it, or think it would be easy. I simply mentioned that as a random hypothetical scenario as a comparison in order to illustrate how difficult my experience was. But my mom and my sister started yelling at me. They went back and forth repeatedly yelling "No" at me, probably about five times each separated by a few seconds each time, while I was sitting there silently trying to figure out what was even happening.

They knew that I have a disability that makes confrontation difficult for me, and they also knew that I was stoned at the time and barely able to hold onto a thought for more than a few seconds. They knew that anything I said was just words put together, and that I was unable to make any sort of plans at the time. But that didn't matter. They still felt the need to massively overpower me just because I mentioned something once that they added a hidden meaning to. For some reason, they just had to interpret "I probably could do this" as "I insist on doing this and I dare you to stop me". And on top of that, explaining why they didn't want me to do it (or what they thought "it" even was) never crossed their mind. They just saw something that seemed like an opportunity to gang up on me and they jumped on it.

And because of that, I could no longer open up to them. I was going through something that was nearly impossible to explain on so many levels. And they showed me that if I open up to them, my first priority has to be analyzing what I say in advance to make sure they don't attack me for it. I was already burning myself out by doing an amount of thinking that my brain was never designed to do, and they made it so I had to do even more thinking in order to stop them from making it worse.

But they're the type of people who would share this photo. They're the type of people who society considers compassionate. They're the type of people who would call themselves "empaths". They're the type of people who would "feel bad" when someone commits suicide. But they're also the worst type of people for any suicidal person to open up to.

If you want suicidal people to open up to you, you have to be a safe person to open up to. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't add hidden meanings to what people say. Don't lock in what people say. Don't try to take over a conversation about other people's experiences. Don't expect to be obeyed. Don't expect quick responses. Don't be more forceful than informative. Don't wait for people to be suicidal to start showing them compassion.

#suicide

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galacticnova3 · 5 months

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stupid poop crown post got me thinking, what is your headcannon about Magolor’s experience with the crown anyways? or does the fic pretty much summarize it?

Love that “stupid poop crown post got me thinking” is a series of words that have been said now. Language is a weapon and in a collective sense we are simultaneously very good at using it and very unskilled with it.

Anyways, I’d say the fic doesn’t really summarize it much at all, aside from the few explicit details given about what happened. Part of what made it so unnerving and traumatic for Magolor is the simple fact that, during his power trip, he didn’t realize anything was wrong. There was no second voice in his head telling him what to do, there was no immediate forceful possession; the switch from his goal being taking over Halcandra to being world domination just felt natural— indistinguishable from any other time he’d changed his mind about something. The Crown was able to manipulate him so easily, convinced him that its desires were his own, gave no indication that it was anything more than a power source. Sure, his head hurt where it dug its claws in, and not being able to easily take it off was certainly not ideal, but that’s just bad artifact design, not an obvious sign of something more sinister lurking out of sight! If he had infinite power he could just make it not do that.

Only when he had been beaten a little over half to death did he notice it wasn’t just his own mind in his head, because he wanted to stop fighting and try to bargain, but his body wouldn’t listen. That was more or less the point where he realized something was very, very wrong, but the extent to which things were wrong wasn’t immediately obvious then. It was when it wrestled full control away from him that it became clear he’d fucked up immensely, but by that point it was too late for him to really fend it off; it caught him by complete surprise. All he could really do was just try to resist becoming yet another soul lost to it and hope to last long enough for his body that wasn’t really his own anymore to be incapacitated, but that hinged on the very people he’d used as pawns in his scheme being powerful enough to defeat the entity he’d unwittingly allowed to manifest.

Then of course you have the events of the Epilogue, where he was eventually greeted with the unfortunate discovery that the Crown had more or less survived and was seeking out another host. He’d been pretty scared it would try to possess him again, but in not being at full strength he was simultaneously too weak to have been able to maintain himself as a separate person and too weak to be of any interest to it. At that point it was simply operating based on what the strongest magic sources it could reach were so it could have an unbroken vessel once more. Its relation to the Crowned Doomer is very headcanon-y in that I see them as different forms of the same entity. The Master Crown is full of souls bound by corrupted soul magic, but souls in Another Dimension eventually become Doomers once enough magic binds to them, with the strength of the initially formed Doomer being decided by the strength of the soul(magic) they form from. They can become stronger by consuming other sources of magic, be it energy spheres or each other, but that’s a tangent. Point is, the Crown itself was very unstable at that point and briefly became a sort of Grand Doomer, but when Magolor brought forth the gem apple sapling, he basically handed it a very powerful source of magic that it could anchor itself to.

Thus it stabilized, turned the new host into a body more to its liking, set out to kill the one that had resisted it and survived, but was ultimately defeated* by the magic catboy. Except he kinda died of magic overexertion and his injuries afterwards, but also didn’t, and going through the portal to the Dream Kingdom therefore simultaneously did and didn’t happen. Basically, death and dreams in Another Dimension is fucking weird, and the circumstances of his death were such that he basically performed the world’s first recorded soul duplication glitch without actually knowing it. One him successfully went through the portal, which was born of his dream/desire of starting over in a new life where he could try again influenced by his knowledge and experiences, which created a branch of the timeline and the “real” Dream Kingdom. The other him ended up dying, but was found and guided by Morpho Knight, which would lead to him and Lor’s meeting as described in the fic.

*I just thought I’d have fun and emphasize this bit here for anyone keeping up with the fic, won’t elaborate on why though :) its a secret

Got very ramble-y there and probably off topic, but basically his experience with the Crown was traumatic in a different way than it is in his nightmares. What fucked him up was just that he didn’t even know it was there, he doesn’t know what thoughts were and weren’t his after he put it on, it was able to render him powerless in his own body so easily. It didn’t speak to him, it was manipulative in a manner that was so different and so much more sinister than the way another person might be. It scares him to think about it; he sees himself as someone who doesn’t fall for lies because he’s usually the liar. The Crown not only violently proved he wasn’t immune, it did so flawlessly while literally digging its talons into his head— it hurt him and yet he was willing to make excuses to keep wearing it, and he doesn’t know if those excuses were his own or it telling him what to think.

When you’ve built up your identity around knowing about ancient history and artifacts and thinking you’re a genius who can’t be lied to, and had built up your dreams around being powerful, there are few things that will shake you to your core quite like being made to see you didn’t know what you were getting into, were easily made to believe things you shouldn’t have, and could have your power stripped away by something you sought out for yourself.

#asks #rambling #magolor #master crown #krtdldx #kirby #Magolor epilogue spoilers #my headcanons

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erasawordsmithofsorts · 2 months

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this is a really long post and you dont have to read it, its more of a word vomit towards the end but its really detailing my experiences with 5sos c: (its kind of sad but it means a lot to me that i finally put this into words)

i love 5sos. like a lot more than i could put into words. i have such a long and extensive history with this band that its just so much, like.

ive been a fan of 5sos since july 15th, 2014. i was 5/6 years old sitting on the front porch of my grandma's house with this girl i was friends with. she showed me some of their songs and i was in love. i didnt stop listening to them for years, they were my everything. idols, best friends, family, everything. and the only reason i stopped listening to them ever is because of some really heavy traumatic events that happened to me when i was 8-10 years old.

fast forward a few years, i start dating this guy. this guy really liked 5sos, he got me back into 5sos. my brain was so traumatized, it blocked out most of my memories with this band, with the fans of this band, etc. and him getting me to listen to their entire discography? yeah that brought them flooding back.

yet i still stayed, with him and the band again. this guy became really toxic. we argued every night, he blatantly ignored my needs, he got mad at me for getting more 5sos streams than him, he made fun of me for only listening to their old stuff. he acted like i hadnt told him, "hey, some really fucked up things happened to me in 2014-2016 and i forgot pretty much everything from those years so i kind of obsess over them"

but me and this guy were ldr, my mom took my phone, i texted him through a friends' phone. he starts cheating on me. i come back, my mom is having heart surgery, and he tells me i have to break up with him. so i do.

i break up with him, i go through the shit, i get pissed off, i get upset, i cry. i cry a LOT. and for a bit i didnt listen to 5sos. and then i get back into 5sos, because im not gonna change who i am at my very core because some idiot guy who was 'there first' made it about him. i'll make it about me again, i will obsess over it, i will go back to being six years old crying on the front porch with my best friend. i will go back to being a kid who didnt know why people didnt like her.

and i did. im back there, im who six year old me dreamed of being. sure, i have my days where the only thing i can do is cry and try not to hurl myself down a flight of stairs, but im still here arent i? ive made it to the age i always dreamed about being, havent i? im still absolutely in love with the same exact bands, the same exact places, the same exact aesthetics.

5sos is why im me, like that is such a beautiful and poetic thing to me. im still here because of a band, im still here because some guys that at the time were across the world gave me some motivation to keep going? of course im gonna love them. of course im gonna advertise the shit out of them. of course im gonna know every detail i possibly can about them.

like, i mean yeah, i took a little break. but i was forced to by my own brain. and even then, what helped me start healing form that trauma? 5sos. what helped me start healing from that breakup? 5sos.

tw for s/h + suicidal stuff under the cut! its nothing bad bad, just mentions attempts and stuff but its talking about getting better :3 tl;dr in bottom of the cut!

its so weird to say that "this guy who doesnt even know i exist, saved my life" but its true sometimes. like i was in such a bad place when i was younger that i couldnt function. yearly, i was being checked into psych wards. they never helped. i tried therapy, i tried medication. nothing worked.

and then 5sos came back into my life and i finally felt whole again. i finally felt like i was me again. i had been self harming since i was in the third grade, and once you cope like that for so long, its really hard to stop.

but i finally made the decision to get clean, i finally said "enough is enough, i dont want to be like this anymore. i wanna live and be healthy, i wanna live and be happy, i wanna wear shorts, i wanna wear skirts, i wanna wear short sleeves and tanks, i want to wear dresses without sleeves that show my thighs a little. and would ashton or luke or michael or calum really want me to do this to myself? no, no they wouldnt, get your shit together era." and so i did? i got it together, i made my life work. i started looking for the good again, i started behaving like a little kid that knew no bounds again, i started acting my age. i started loving me again. and thats powerful? thats metal as fuck.

the app that i use to track my clean streak has a section for "reasons to stay clean" i have pictures of my friends, my animals, and most importantly, the guys that finally inspired me to pick myself up off the floor and put myself back together.

because i did, i really had to scrounge up the broken pieces. i really had to dig deep and try and piece them back together. and it took work, and im still working on it. and even though ive been clean from s/h for three months, the urges are still there and every time theres just that little voice in my head that takes on ashton's that goes "hey dont, its not the right way." and every time i feel like the world is over, like i dont have anything else, it's always just a reminder.

there will be something else, no matter what theres gonna be something else. no matter what, the suns gonna rise again. no matter what, something good will come of all your pain, all your struggles, all your heartbreak, all the tears. the sleepless nights, the trauma, the guilt, the anger, the fear, the sadness, all of it. it means youre human, it means youre alive. it means good things are gonna happen, you just gotta wait for it. you gotta pick yourself up and keep going. keep fighting, keep running, keep walking. hell if you have to, keep crawling. keep crawling while youre crying. dont look back, youre not going that way. think of how far your faves have come, think of how your younger self wants to know what theyre gonna grow up to be. think.

its not over, it will never be over. pain is human, youre human. youre experiencing life as it was meant to be experienced, its okay to have off days.

tl;dr 5sos + me have been together since i was six and ashton irwin has quite literally kept me alive and from destroying myself mentally and physically for nearly ten years. cool beans bro

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sosfam #luke 5sos #ashton 5sos #calum 5sos #michael 5sos #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #word vomit #stream of consciousness #late night thoughts #era talks about 5sos saving her life for the second time #era's blog #era posting #-era

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holyluminarychaos · 4 months

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Just getting it off my chest

(sorry about my english, that's not my main language)

This is not an attack on anyone, just a bad experience I had - By the way, trigger warning

Well, I just want to get this off my chest completely, since I've never told this story in full to anyone, because besides being embarrassing, it's hard to explain the concept of liking g/t.

For starters, I experienced grooming from an older guy when I was 14. Since I was very little, I've always really liked dynamics involving differences in size, I never felt anything sexual about those dynamics, I just liked it.

But this guy took advantage of that in me, and when he found out I liked it, he started introducing me to his fetish fantasies. Little by little, he showed me this more sexual side of the community, and at that point I was already 16, and we developed an unhealthy relationship. Time passed, and I found myself having to force me to fit into his fetishes, or he would become completely cold towards me and leave me aside(He said it was for me to reflect on what I did wrong, since he didn't accept excuses).

You people who like the giant/tiny dynamic should know how it feels to feel like a weirdo who is the only one in the world who likes this kind of thing. So when I met this person, I was really happy that I wasn't a sick person with weird taste.

Well, I never liked anything sexual. Never ever. But even so, I forced myself to stay in that relationship because I didn't want to feel alone.

He abused me. I mean, physically. We met on the internet, but we met face to face for the first time at an event in his city, I ended up having to sleep at his house for a few days because this event was hours away from my house and my ticket was valid for up to 4 days. I wasn't that stupid, some of our friends also went together, we all slept in the same room, but do you think that was enough to make him not try anything with me?

I really don't want to and I won't describe what it was like, because it's extremely traumatic for me. But at that time I was taking some prescription drugs, I remember feeling very dizzy and often having to stop to sit down during the event because of the vertigo it gave me.

A lot more things happened, but I don't want to write a bible. I just wanted to say that the person who did this to me has a YouTube channel and is making tons of money, without any consequences. I hate this world.

To think that this all happened because I like g/t... I wish this was less taboo, because if that were the case, I would understand that this guy was completely crazy and would have saved A LOT of sanity.

So, for any minors reading this, please don't be as innocent as me. Wait for the right moment to start a relationship, and NEVER have a relationship with older people. I know that what I went through is not restricted to the g/t community, there are bad people everywhere, so listen to what I say, I promise you that you don't want trauma like that.

On the bright side, because of this experience I discovered myself as asexual, yaaaay(help me)

#giant tiny #g/t #giant/tiny #size difference #gianttiny #gt

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starwarsgirlie · 7 months

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We Belong To Death

Hi friends! Here's the first chapter of my Viktor X Reader fic!

Chapter 2 Here ----->

The reader has female anatomy and goes by she/her pronouns. Further chapters will contain NSFW content!

PLEASE comment what you think or what you'd like to see! I love collaborating!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters besides Persephone. I used the League of Legends lore for a large portion of this chapter's plot!

Trigger Warnings: death, war, violence, sexual themes, murder.

Chapter 1 - The Underworld

The years of the Rune War were filled with blood, loss, and pain. Runterra was where one would find blood more often than water and magic more often than blood. The arcane has always been a force that still needed to be understood. Beauty and destruction impossible to contain. A beautiful hell.

In this world of blood and magic, our story begins with a husband and wife, Mihira and Kilam. Fleeing their war-torn home, they came to a mountain known to grant those in need magical gifts at a price. Desperate in Runterra hell, Kilam helped his pregnant wife up the hill. Upon reaching the stars, everything became silent. Mihira and Kilam hung to each other in confusion. "My love, what are we to do to ask for this gift?" Mihira whispered. Looking down at his wife, Kilam shook his head in confusion before seeing her usual green eyes change to the iciest glowing blue. Kilam was thrown back with force while Mihira was lifted into the air, engulfed in the arcane. As soon as she rose she was laid down again by the power, unconscious.

Soon after this event, the two fled to Demacia, still not knowing the gift they received. Demacia, at the time, was a haven from the magical war around them. It was here where Mihira gave birth to twin girls, Kayle and Morgana. Upon giving birth, Mihira immediately felt a calling to fight in the battle and refused ever to touch her girls again. It was clear to Kilam that this was the price paid for their gift from the arcane, which was still unknown to both.

Kilam continued to try to help Mihira return to who she was. After falling pregnant with their third child, Kilam thought this would bring her back, but he was wrong. She continued to fight, and for fear of his children's safety, he fled the moment y/n was born.

Keeping his three girls safe for the next ten years, he saw them grow. Kayle became greatly intrigued by justice and law, while Morgana became more interested in people's ability to lie and manipulate others. And then there was his youngest, y/n, or as he called you, Persephone. Your mother gave you the nickname as she laughed over how many she had killed while pregnant. You were her child of death. Despite the darkness of the name, your father always told you that just as there is beauty in life, there is beauty in death. A living thing is not living unless it experiences death. Death gives our life meaning.

For years, they lived in peace. Mihira had not found them, and Kilam began to enjoy the life he was living until Kayle and Morgana's tenth Birthday. On that day, he got each of his girls a necklace. Kayle's was a golden sun, and Morgana's was a silver moon. Upon opening their gifts, Kayle poked at Morgana like she always did, "He got you the moon because you're dependent on me to shine." This affected Morgana greatly, making her angry and begin to scream at Kayle, "I HATE YOU! YOURE HATEFUL! BEING SISTERS WITH YOU IS A WORSE HELL THAN WITH MOTHER!" As she continued sobbing and screaming, purple smoke-like energy rose from her body and reached for Kayle. In defense, Kayle exuded the same smoke, but it was white, and so a struggle between the smoke began. Being only eight years old and unable to handle this traumatic event, you began sobbing while your dad screamed for his daughters to stop. It all became too much, and all you could do was scream. As you screamed, a wave of red smoke washed out from you, pushing Kayle and Morgana to the floor. In the stillness of the next moment, you looked around you and noticed all the plants and flowers were dead. Your father stood silently, gathering you together and putting you to bed, knowing he didn't know what to do. It was then that he realized the gift that was given to him and Mihira on that mountain.

A few weeks after the incident and after the war ended, it became clear that his children possessed the power of the arcane. In a world where magic is hated, feared, and forbidden, he knew the only thing he could do was teach you to keep it hidden. He read and searched for someone to help him until he found a Yordle named Heimerdinger. The wise Yordle understood the magic the three girls possessed but also encouraged the girls to hide it. Heimerdinger concluded that each sister drew her power from a source. Kayles was the arrogance and righteousness of those around her, and Morganas was the pain and suffering. Heimerdinger rarely got frightened of something he was researching, but that changed with you. The stealing of a living being's life force enhanced your magic. This explained the death of the flowers in the house when you were upset—despite this fear, months passed relatively peacefully... until the arrival of Mihira.

With the distraction of the war being over, she was now possessed by the will to train her daughters and raise them as soldiers of wrath and fury as she had. After all, her becoming the bloodthirsty soldier was the price she paid for the magic you and your sisters got to have. She burned down the city, looking for you and your sisters, killing anyone in her path. Only with the help of a mysterious mage was she captured and taken to the depths of Stilwater Prison. However, everyone now knew who you three were and your powers. "We live in a time where your gifts are feared; you cannot stay here any longer," your father said through tears. And before you knew it, you and your sisters were sent to different parts of Runterra and told never to speak of your past. Heimerdinger was the one to take you to Piltover. It was there where he gave you to the older woman, Granny Ray. "My girl, you are of a small age, but you must be brave; this woman here will love and look after you, so fear not. I, unfortunately, cannot stay as I would draw too much attention, so for the next ten years of your life, you are to live with Granny Ray in Zaun." "My girl, I will come get you on your 18th Birthday and take you to Piltover, where you can study whatever you want to make a life for yourself." "When can I see my father again?" you sobbed. "My sweetest child, it is best not to think of that at this time; he has much work he needs to do and told me to tell you how much you are loved." "One final thing, my sweet girl, you must change y/n. It is too well known, so what would you like to be called from now on?" "M-my dad called me Persephone." "AH! The story of the girl in the underworld, how fitting; from now on, Granny Ray and I will refer to you as Persephone, ah, or even Percy for short!"

#arcane x reader #arcane #viktor x reader #legue of legends #viktor arcane #smut #jayce talis #caitlyn kiramman #heimerdinger #requests open #request #arcane headcanon #hextech #magic

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