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sunshine-theseus · 6 months

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Always The One | Sam Kerr x Reader

word count: 2.6k

summary: you have a huge fight but she’ll always be the one for you.

Warnings: angst, sorta some fluff?

I’m not sure if it was because I was tired from my shift, or the fact I’d waited at the restaurant for over an hour and my girlfriend hadn’t bothered to show, that had my crying in Jessie’s apartment at 9:03pm on a Thursday night.

Jessie Fleming was possibly the sweetest person to ever walk the earth, and my closest friend.

“Still nothing from her?” she asks softly from the kitchen.

I let out a slow hum, indicating Sam had seemingly not noticed her girlfriend of 3 years was missing from their shared apartment on such an important date. Then I quickly check my phone again to make sure I haven’t unknowingly shut it off or somehow just missed a text or call from the woman.

“Well, you still have a spare uniform you left here a couple months ago if you need it for your shift tomorrow. But now, we eat ice cream and watch Fantastic Mr Fox until you fall asleep.” She plops down on the couch next to me with a pitying smile gracing her face.

“Wait. Before we do that.” I grab my purse from beside my feet and pull out two small items.

“Are you kidding me?! You’re fucking joking, you’re pulling my leg. Are you serious!” She rushes out questions before snatching the items to get a closer look.

“These are really real!?”

I chuckle at her, trying to stop the tears that are forming behind my eyes.

Sam and I had begun the IVF process a few months ago after some encouragement from Katrina, Sam’s national teammate, and I’d missed my period a few days ago so I took a test. I thought it would be a nice surprise for our anniversary. That, and the small black band with a simple diamond that sat snug in a red velvet box in my bag for three months now. But obviously she didn’t show, and I wasn’t sure what to do now.

“Yeah… they’re real. I wanted to propose and show her the test tonight. But, well, you know.” I start crying again before I can stop myself, and I’ve fallen asleep not long after Jessie starts playing with my hair.

~~~~~~~~~

Work the next day did not help take my mind off the events of last night. Being a paramedic was obviously a difficult job, but I hadn’t had this amount of bad luck on a shift in a long time, and the calls just seemed to keep getting worse.

Our first call was an elderly lady whose grandson had accidentally pushed her down her front steps, she’d hit her head pretty hard, and her knee was dislocated but it wasn’t anything we couldn’t fix and get her help for at the hospital.

Later in the day we’d gotten called to a collision on the A3 motorway, 2 women and their daughter in one car and a drunk man in a large truck. One of the mums had passed away before we’d gotten there, the other fractured her clavicle and some ribs and had a broken leg. The daughter had been knocked unconscious, a broken nose and arm and a fractured C5 and C6. The man got out with barely a scratch.

That’s when I had to take a break and try to call Sam. Holding the hand of the woman and her daughter became harder when I pictured Sam and our daughter in their place.

She didn’t answer. That call or the 3 others I made before I clocked off at 6pm, uniform stained with blood.

I’d zoned out the whole drive home. I wasn’t even sure I was heading home until I’d pulled into the driveway.

I also didn’t notice the now filled space where Sam’s car sat, or the dirty Airforce 1s by the front door that were missing when I’d left yesterday morning (I’d gone straight from my shift to the restaurant), and I didn’t notice the figure slouched on the couch watching the AFL game she’d clearly missed during training today, a beer already in hand.

I went straight to the shower to wash off the blood and cry. Then I got changed into an oversized jumper and shorts, avoiding any of Sam’s jumpers I’d usually curl up in after a hard day, sat on our bed and cried some more.

I don’t get to cry for too long before the bedroom door slams open and Sam beings to yell.

“When the fuck were you going to tell me!?” I just groan in response and cover my ears with a spare pillow, but she grabs it and stands in front of me, forcing me to look at her and the pregnancy test she held tight in her hands. I’d fucking forgot to throw the other ones out.

“When were you planning on fucking telling me this round had worked hmm? That we’re going to have a baby!?” I look my girlfriend in the eyes for the first time in 2 days.

“Last night. At the restaurant. You know… for our anniversary?” and I know it’s sick, but I found joy in the way her face dropped and realisation appears behind her eyes.

“Fuck Y/N! I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry I forgot. How did I forget??”

“I don’t know how you forgot Sam. I sent you a text after you left for training. And another during my lunch break at work. And right as I was heading to the restaurant. And I called, got Jessie to remind you too, which I know she did. How the fuck did you forget Sam?” I get up from the bed and approach her.

“I don’t know, I got carried away hanging with Mills and Guro, but for fuck’s sake drop the attitude.”

Dro- drop the attitude!? She cannot be serious.

“What was that?”

“Drop the attitude Y/N. I’m sorry I forgot but the condescending tone is unnecessary, you’ve forgotten shit too.”

“Yeah! I have! Like if it’s my turn to cook dinner or if you have a physio appointment. Not a fucking anniversary Sam!”

“And this isn’t just about the anniversary anymore. I called you four times during work today and you didn’t pick up. You didn’t think calling four times during work meant I might really need to speak to you? Because when I held the hands of a little girl who had to say goodbye to one of her mum’s and the other mum who had to say goodbye to her wife all I could think of was you and you didn’t answer once. And then I see you for the first time in nearly 48 hours and the first thing you wanted to do was yell at me instead of calmly asking? It’s too much.”

I start running my hands through my hair and pacing around the room. This can’t be happening. What the fuck is happening here? Before I can think about much more, I grab my work bag and start packing a uniform and some clothes.

“Wh- what are you doing? Oh come on you’re not leaving over a silly argument.” We’d made our way to the front door by now.

“No! I’m not! I’m leaving because you can’t seem to see why I’m so fucking upset over any of this Sam. And the fact you got so ‘carried away hanging with Millie and Guro’ to forget your 3-year anniversary and just ignore all my calls. I was really excited to share the test with you, have a family, I’m not really sure what to do about that now. Oh, and here, was going to give this to you too.” I slam the small velvet box down on the counter by the door before grabbing my work boots and rushing to my car.

I hear the door slam behind me, but no footsteps follow, so I hop in and drive to Jessie’s apartment once again.

~~~~~

I’m laying between Jessie and Erin, the latter of whom Jessie had begged to come over to try and make me smile after I’d been crying non-stop, when there’s a banging on the door.

“Jessss! I know Y/n’s there please let me talk to her.” The familiar Australian accent makes me tear up again.

Erin gets up instead of Jessie and tells us she’ll handle Sam, send her away somehow.

3rd pov

Erin opens the door to a very dishevelled Sam Kerr, who’s eyes are red, hair a mess, having finally been let out of the low ponytail so she could run hands through it in a panic.

“Ez. What are you doing here? Where’s Jessie, and Y/n?”

“Sorry Sam, Y/n isn’t here. Jess ‘n’ I decided to have a sleepover so she can take me to training tomorrow because my car’s in the shop.”

“Erin come on I’m serious, she wouldn’t go anywhere else except here.”

“I’m sorry mate I haven’t heard from or seen her since our game against Man City when she had the day off.” Sam let’s out an angered sigh but accepts the idea that maybe her girlfriend had run off to one of the other girls, seeing as most of her friends were Sam’s teammates, either from Chelsea or The Matildas.

“Yeah ok, um, let me know if you hear anything yeah? I really need to talk to her.” Sam’s hand shakes as she pats Erin’s shoulder before turning away, getting back into her car to try Kyra’s or Ann-Katrin and Jess’, both friendships that seemed so unlikely to Sam, yet were some of her girlfriend’s closest friends.

1st pov

I let out a breath of relief when Erin returns to us without a certain striker trailing behind her.

“Maybe you should talk to her. She might fucking crash in the state she’s in.” the thought makes me feel bad for a moment, but she shouldn’t be allowed off that easily.

“No, she’s stupid but not that stupid. And she deserves to worry for a moment.” It was probably really mean, but I refuse to believe she doesn’t deserve a taste of her own medicine.

~~~~~

It takes me 2 more days of her calling before I start to really miss Sam, and decide to head back to our apartment just to see if she’s there, because Jessie told me how she hadn’t shown up to training on Yesterday and she wasn’t on the pitch as I watch Chelsea verse West Ham on Jessie’s tv.

As I walk through the door, the only thing I hear are the tiny meows of our cat Helen, who runs up to me to rub against my legs. I missed her.

But then I start to look around and realise what a mess the place is. Beer bottles are spread across every room and there are takeout containers that clearly hadn’t been put away since they arrived, sitting on the coffee table in the lounge room. I walk further down the hall but trip of some random pair of sneakers. No more than two steps after that, glass crunches under my boots and I frown when I see a photo of Sam with the FA Cup I had taken after their win last season. It was my favourite picture of her in her Chelsea kit.

“Sammy?! Where are you?” my voice echoes throughout the space as I creep towards the bedroom.

As I pry open the door, I’m met with a sight that both warms and squeezes my heart. Sam is covered in blankets, snoring softly. Her eyes are puffy and there are both fresh and old tear stains running down her cheeks. She looked strangely angelic, peaceful. Like the girl I’m in love with.

When I pull the blankets back, I see her hugging the teddy I got for her to take on international breaks when I couldn’t make it, doused in my perfume. I’d got it for her on our 6-month anniversary, and it didn’t take her long to buy me one for when she went away. The same one that is currently sitting on our windowsill, seeming very lonely.

She’s dressed in only a sports bra and some checkered boxers she’s been obsessed with sleeping in, but doesn’t seem to have changed in the past 2 days.

Her eyes blink open as I softly shake her away, but once she catches sight of me, she bolts up-right and scrambles to hug me.

“Hey Sammy.” I’m too tired to be angry at her anymore. I just miss her.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so so sorry I was so horrible to you. I don’t deserve to be forgiven but I’ll do anything to prove how sorry I am and how much I love you and this baby.” I then catch a glimpse of a ring, the ring, that is placed perfectly on her ring finger.

“Y- you’re wearing the ring?” and she doesn’t get a chance to reply before I’m kissing her.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you! I’m still mad at how you treated me.” I pull back to tell her before she can reciprocate the kiss.

She doesn’t meet my eyes but nods. “I’m so sorry, I love you so much and I want to show you that and show you how sorry I am.”

“I expect you to get me every single thing I crave in the next nine months and give me cuddles whenever I ask.”

Before she can I agree I add. “And that’s only for not letting me give me whole speech about how much I love you before I propose. There’s a lot more ground to cover for the other shit.” But I smile and kiss her again.

“I would have said yes before you could talk any way. Oh! And I have a surprise for you too. I was going to give it to you on our anniversary too.”

Sam gets up and rushes to the drawers, pulling out a familiar box.

“No fucking way were you going to propose on the same day.” She simply pulls out the ring and holds it out to me.

“Will you be my wife? If you say no I might actually drop dead.” I cry before anything else. But then I catch her looking at me expectantly and I just nod before hugging her tight.

“I can’t wait to have a family with you.” I whisper in her ear.

“I bags being the fun mumma!”

“Nooo way!”

“Yuh huh! You’re going to be the safety conscious one. You literally make me renew my first aid with you every single year. I’m definitely the fun one.” I groan but hug her tight. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“SAM I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU ONCE THIS THING IS OUT OF ME HOW DID YOU CONVINCE ME TO DO THIS!?” I couldn’t tell you how long I’ve been in labour by now, but I’m sure Sam’s hand was about to break and everyone in the building could hear me swearing my head off.

“You’re almost there chickee, just a few more pushes I promse.”

“You said that last time and it was not just a few more pushes!”

Before either of us can say anything else I’m pushing again, and 6 minutes later, a baby’s cries fill the room, and Maeve Wren Kerr-Y/l/n joined her twin sister Charlie May Kerr/Y/l/n in their mothers arms.

When I look over at Sam, she’s smiling adoringly down at Charlie, and I see a tear run down her face.

“You’re so beautiful.” I reach to grab her hand while Maeve sleeps in my arms.

I don’t think I could love anyone, or anything more than I love Sam. In 8 months when we get married, I’ll look her in the eyes as we say ‘I do’ and I’ll know she was always going to be it for me. She’ll always be the one.

#woso x reader #sam kerr x reader #sam kerr #the matildas x reader #woso

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lady-october · 2 months

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Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Future Chapters : On Archive of Our Own

Story Content : 18+, Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Dom/Sub, Sadism/Masochism, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk. Story Note: This story was originally written to be a one-shot, but I couldn't stop thinking about it and suddenly a whole story was fleshed out. I highly encourage also reading chapter two before deciding what you think of the story, as a lot of world building happens there. I hope you enjoy the ride, it will be a wild one.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

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Chapter 1: Your eyes are swallowing me

Chapter title is lyrics from "Sleepwalking"

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I'd be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed him.

So maybe I did take a little longer to get ready when I knew he'd be around; maybe my skirt was suddenly pulled up just that little bit higher than usual; maybe I loosened a button or two, but it's not like I was delusional enough to believe I ever had a shot with the man.

I was just an assistant.

I did the menial tasks that usually went unnoticed. But sometimes when I came back with food he'd flash me the most wicked smile as he took it off me.

"Ta, love", and a shiver would run through my body.

It was the night after a big set in London, an apartment style hotel room had been booked for the whole band with a shared common space. The place had clearly been picked as a bit of a party accommodation to celebrate the tour. It was quite posh, lavish furniture, open planning, and a great view. All the things you'd expect of an expensive hotel.

Everyone had gotten a bit too drunk tonight, and it was part of my job to make sure they got to bed to catch a flight tomorrow, so I was the only sober one here.

It was also my job to make sure the alcohol kept flowing, the right guests were let in, and taxis were ordered.

Despite how busy I was, I kept catching myself staring at him. I couldn't help myself, he was always such a delightful mess after a concert; dishevelled hair, smeared eyeliner, a bit sweaty – a wonderful mix of tired and happy. Essentially he always came off the stage looking like he'd just finished having some really good sex.

I shook my head, realising I'd been staring again.

Hopefully he hadn’t noticed.

The night went by in a blur of busy tasks. Suddenly it was four in the morning, I had just finished getting everyone to bed and all the guests out of there. I sighed deeply at the state of the place and began the daunting task of cleaning up.

That's when I saw him across the room.

The lights were dimmed low as I’d been strategically turning them off throughout the night in the hopes that it would make everyone sleepier, so I was only able to make out the silhouette of a man.

He was sprawled on the sofa, legs spread and leaned back, but I could tell it was Oli – his long, fluffy hair is unmistakable.

"Oh fuck, Oli you scared the living shit out of me."

That was probably the longest sentence I'd ever dared say to him, as I was usually too flustered to form proper sentences, but the sheer exhaustion from the night and the adrenaline from surprise got the better of me.

I heard a laugh from the dark figure on the sofa, "Sorry love I didn't mean to scare you, but I'm not ready to sleep just yet." You could hear the words had been spoken with a lazy smile.

Suddenly I was very aware of the fact that we were all alone, and he sounded...

No, I didn’t even dare think it.

He's just tired and drunk, surely that's the only reason he sounds so...

"R-right. Just remember we've got a flight tomorrow."

I could see his head tilt to the side as he contemplated what I’d said, but he clearly decided he didn't give a fuck, as his response came unbothered, completely ignoring my comment, "Get me another drink will you?"

Suddenly the walls felt as if they were closing in. I was nervous to say the least. I had never been alone with him before, and for some reason it felt weirdly intimate despite him being all the way across the room.

I didn't know how to respond beyond simply following his order, so I shakily turned around and walked over to the dining room table where all the drink bottles were lined up, while being entirely too aware of his gaze on me from behind.

There was a rustle of fabric like he’d gotten off the sofa, followed shortly by the sound of his footsteps behind me by the table.

I didn't get a chance to properly digest what was happening before his hands were firmly gripping my hips, making me gasp, the impact almost making me fall forward. Instead I instinctively braced myself against the table, nearly knocking over the half empty liquor bottles there.

My heart began racing, threatening to jump out of my chest, as I felt his hard cock clearly through the fabrics between us, pressing against my ass as I was pinned to the table. His hand quickly moved to my throat to prevent me from falling forwards further, as if he didn’t want me bent over, using it to guide my head close to his.

I was surrounded by him.

His scent, his hair falling into my view, his lips against my ear, his breath against my cheek, the hand on my throat possessive and firm. I was contorted, pinned painfully between the table and his warm body behind me as I was being held up by his grip.

His lips parted gently against my ear, and spoke in a tone I can only describe as carnal, "I get lonely you see, and I've noticed you noticing me. You want me, yeah?”

He had noticed after all.

I swallowed, hard.

“Will you nod for me love if you want me."

My heartbeat promptly moved between my legs.

I do want him – oh god do I want him. My whole body felt like it was on fire.

But his request was so much more than a search for knowledge of whether I wanted him or not, it was an inquiry of approval, a probing of whether I’d allow this to happen, or if we part ways here before anything further happens.

I nodded against his hand around my throat, causing his breath to speed up.

His lips spread into a smile against my ear, "Let’s have some fun then."

I was wearing a simple, strappy, mini dress so his hair fell onto my bare shoulders as he kissed my neck, his warm breath fanned my skin. My eyes shut from the delightful sensations, and I began mindlessly moving my hips against him, causing his grip on me to tighten.

"Ah, you like that don't you?"

I nodded again, probably a bit too eagerly.

He chuckled, which I felt as a puff of warm air against my neck more than heard. His mouth returns to my ear, speaking lazily like a predator toying with its prey, "You're so fucking desperate for me, aren't ya?"

My eyes flew open. I nodded again, slower this time, feeling exposed.

But did he know I'd been daydreaming about him; that I'd touch myself at night when I was all alone, imagining all ways I want to be fucked by him; how I’d been using all the perverted thoughts about him as a distraction from my life, from work?

… From pain.

"I bet you're soaking, I bet you have been all night." His grip on my hip relaxed, turning into a caress, moving towards the hem of my dress, lifting it slightly as his fingers trailed closer to my pussy.

His voice darkened and intensified, "I reckon you've ruined your underwear just being near me."

Then his hand finally reached my pooling wetness and my body immediately went electric, my knees buckled and my mouth fell open with a gasping, desperate moan as my hands mindlessly grabbed at his strong arm holding my throat to steady myself.

The hand that had just caused my brain to short circuit from a simple touch to my core, quickly retracted away to yank me back up from slumping over.

"Sh, sh, sh, you're gonna have to be quiet or you're gonna wake the lads, can’t have that, can we?" He whispered playfully.

I just wanted him back between my legs, so I spoke, in such a desperate tone that I surprised myself, "I–I'm sorry, p--please, please don't stop."

His grip on me loosened to pull the skirt of my dress up to my waist, and slide my underwear down. I felt them pop over my ass before falling to my ankles on the floor.

"We don't need these anymore." He muttered behind me as he returned to feel my pussy, this time without the soaking fabric stopping him. I felt his forehead on my shoulder as he moved along my folds with intent, his breath coming faster.

"To be honest with you love, I'm pretty fucking desperate too." Then he pushed two fingers into me and I was suddenly fighting for dear life not to moan.

I gripped the table again to stay upright, willing my body to behave. The last thing I wanted was for him to stop.

His mouth replaced his forehead on my shoulder, kissing me with parted lips, biting slightly every so often, his hips pushed back into mine, causing me to feel his cock against my ass again – now only his fabrics between us.

I felt untethered, like I’d been transported somewhere else, into some wild fantasy; this couldn't possibly be happening.

I turned my head slightly, searching, wanting to kiss him. His mouth moved to my neck, then my ear, then my cheek, leaving breathy kisses and bites where he wanted to.

Right when I thought he was going to turn me around to kiss him, he removed the fingers and placed the now soaking hand firmly on the back of my neck, pushing me forward. I gasped in surprise and disappointment at the hand once again disappearing from my pussy, but the grip was strong and I could only obey. I pushed the bottles in front of me forward as I was bent over so they wouldn't be knocked over.

The shock of the sudden movements brought me back to reality and I started blushing. I was currently bent over a table, bare ass and pussy exposed to Oli Sykes, in the middle of a shared common room where any of the band mates could walk in at any point. This was insane.

But I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

"Fuck." he said under his breath behind me, "You're a vision…" Then I heard more fabric rustling, and suddenly something a lot warmer and bigger was at my entrance.

How was I supposed to not moan? How was I supposed to not…

And then he started pushing into me.

I bit down on my lip so hard it would probably bruise, clawing at the table. A low moan came from behind me as he pushed deeper, to the hilt. He stopped there for a moment and leaned over me; I could feel his heat, the rising and falling of his chest, his laboured breathing against me, his soaking hand still possessively on the back of my neck.

"You're doing great love, stay just like that, don't make a sound, yeah?" He whispered close to my ear.

That's when he started pumping, and I once again was transported to some other reality. I couldn't help it, I was moving, I felt wild, I wanted to scream, and suddenly I’d lost control again and another moan escaped my lips.

As soon as I did he stopped, his hand that had been pinning me to the table wrapped around my neck, leaving all the flesh there wet with my own juices, before pulling me back up against him.

His lips were back at my ear, hair back in my vision. “What a shame, you were doing so well for me.”

He pulled away and I felt him slip out of me, causing a pang of sadness to wash over me , thinking it's over, but in the same motion he turned me around, grabbing me by the hips to sit me on the table before him. He spread my legs to step between them, before our eyes met.

That’s when time stopped.

He is gorgeous.

Dishevelled hair falling haphazardly around his face, lips slightly parted, the tattoos creeping up his neck, framing his face. His eyes were shining bright in the dim light, glassy but still intense. There was so much hunger in them, yet so much sadness...

The words slipped out of me without a thought, barely a whisper, “...Are you ok?”

His brows furrowed slightly as he searched my face, clearly not quite sure how to respond, like I'd thrown him off. You could tell he was intoxicated, as I don't think he'd be this honest with me, essentially a stranger, in a sober state – nor this forward.

He spoke softly, “Tonight I wanted to throw everything away, just say fuck it; does anything really matter? I'm supposed to have my fucking shit together, yet all I want to do...” He looked away, shaking his head as he cut himself off.

Silence filled the air around us for a long moment as he was lost in thought, then suddenly his eyes shot back to mine, speaking slowly, thoughtfully, “I've had my eye on you all night, and you look just as wrapped up in temptation as I feel. I just need an escape and I have a feeling you do too, don't you?”

His vagueness didn't matter, I knew what he was talking about, and I felt it too; the relentless pressure of life was crushing and there was a reason I couldn't keep my eyes off of him, why I wanted him so badly. Everyone could see there's something tortured about Oli, something passionate and wild that could barely be contained.

And while I didn’t like to acknowledge it, I could relate. I also wanted to just let go, be free. Whatever that meant.

And I wanted to go there with him.

I reached out to touch his face, he flinched at the intimate gesture but didn't resist.

My mouth opened to speak, but I couldn’t find the words so I just nodded instead.

His expression softened and he nodded in return; a silent understanding that neither of us fully knew why the other needed this, but it didn’t matter. We didn’t need to know the intimate details about each other's pain to know we’re both desperate for some relief.

His eyes fell to my lips, “I just want to lose myself in you for a little while...”

Lose myself.

Yes that’s it – a nice little escape from it all. I could feel a sombre smile spread across my lips. With the caress on his cheek I tried to guide him into a kiss, but instead he moved to my neck, tasting my juices still lingering there.

He made a low rumbling noise in his chest then moved back to my ear, “You taste so sweet, love. Now, let's see if we can keep you quiet for this next bit.”

Pulling away he met my gaze again, this time with a faint devilish smile playing on his lips as he placed his hand over my mouth to encourage me to remain silent.

I didn’t resist, I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside me again.

It hit me that I am not sure exactly where my limits were, as long as he just continued using me.

Using me.

That’s what it was, that’s what I craved.

I just want him to use me.

While this was news to me, I didn't want to think about this revelation now. The last thing I wanted to do right now was psychoanalyse myself. Thankfully I didn’t have to try very hard to shake the thought off, because Oli pulled me right back to the moment as his less busy hand slipped between us, guiding his cock back to me.

“I'll take things a bit slower at first, yeah? And you will stay quiet this time.”

He was nodding his head while holding my gaze steadily, clearly expecting me to nod back in return.

So I did, looking nervous as I didn’t fully trust myself.

“Fuck, don't make that face love, I just want to start pounding to watch you struggle.”

Despite his last words, he entered me slowly. His eyes darken as he pulled me closer to him. Then he was moving inside me, that wicked smile tugging at the corners of his lips as his gaze lazily roamed me. When his eyes came back to meet mine I could see something wild flicker behind them, like a promise of things to come.

Yes...

He was moving faster, testing me to see if I could keep quiet. My nails were digging into his shoulders to retain control, but I was doing it, only the slightest of noises escaped me.

“That's it, just like that.”

He looked at the hand covering my mouth, the tip of his tongue playing against his teeth. The grip loosened and two fingers pushed playfully into my mouth, his breath catching at the sight, appearing positively feral. His movements stopped before he thrust into me, hard, his smile turning into a more serious expression, as if he was at some type of breaking point.

As if he was really sick of containing himself.

“Fuck it.” He said in a deep tone before removing the fingers that had been feeling my tongue, replace them with his lips. His arms wrapped around me, kissing me deeply, moaning into my mouth as he began thrusting harder.

Our hands are everywhere, grabbing, pulling, pushing, clawing.

I felt fingers slip into my hair to yank my head back, then he bit my neck and I couldn't help it, I whimpered.

But he didn't care, if anything it spurred him on.

After a moment he pulled away to push me down on the table again, this time facing him.

I looked up at him; he looked dangerous, unleashed, almost animalistic. His hair was everywhere, his mouth was open, panting heavily, and I could barely see his eyes. The energy was infectious, I was smothered in it as I writhe on the table.

Yes, this is it. This is what I need.

He pulls the top of my dress and bra down in one swift and painful motion, then his hand grips my throat – hard.

A rush of adrenaline washes over me, a confusing yet delightful mix of fear and arousal. He must have noticed as his grip on my neck loosened slightly, but still held me painfully, making it harder to breathe normally.

He was still in there somewhere, despite appearing almost possessed. With that knowledge I let go. I clawed at him, wrapped my legs around him. He was so warm and solid, and I felt as if I was drowning in it, in him. Our movements became a blur of pain and pleasure.

Somewhere in the distance I heard glass bottles clanging, then one after another fell to the floor.

Again, he didn’t care.

The world had fallen away and it was only us and our ecstasy here.

His head lowered as his movements came slower, with more intent. In a deep, nearly unrecognisable voice he murmurs, “I'm close.”

Another rush of emotions washed over me.

A certainty, an almost primal need. I spoke my wishes through clenched teeth in a strangled and desperate tone, “Cum in me.”

His grip on me tightens further, this time constricting my breathing entirely. He falls forward on top of me, burying his face in the crook of my neck next to the vice grip he held on my throat. My fingers dig into his hair, pulling him closer. His breath became ragged as I felt him filling me up with every thrust.

After a moment I hear some of it drip onto the floor beneath us.

The grip on my neck loosened and I inhaled sharply.

We lay like this for a minute before coming back to reality, letting our heart rates slow down.

I was bewildered, yet amazed.

What had just happened? I felt like I’d unlocked a whole new part of myself, a longing that I didn’t quite understand yet, something simmering under the surface for what felt like years.

Something in me craved the danger, the fear, the pain, to be used. Like there was some depraved form of freedom in giving my body and mind to someone and letting them have their way with me. And not to mention; how can something make me feel this incredibly good, without having even reached orgasm from it?

In all the confusion, one thing felt completely unwavering;

I wanted more.

Thoughts were swimming around in my head when a gentle caress grazed my throat. It was a sweet gesture, the polar opposite of the aggression I’d just experienced during our shared bliss. My brows furrowed in confusion for a moment before he raised himself up, our faces only inches apart. I studied his expression, he appeared worried – questioning.

A soft, almost boyish voice spoke, “Are you alright?”

Such simple words, but the question wasn’t. I could tell he wanted to know if I felt unsafe, if I was in pain, and if what transpired between us had crossed a line. If he had crossed a line.

My face blooms into a smile, “Yes. I’m a bit confused, but I’m good.”

His expression softened some but not fully, and he started searching my neck and chest for any signs of injury, but I grabbed his hands to stop him.

“Really, I’m okay. I didn’t know I could feel like this. I-I don’t fully understand it…“ I pause to try and find the words, “Tonight you’ve done more for me than I could–”

He cuts me off with a kiss, much more tender than our previous ones. After a moment he pulls away to speak, “Oh love, you have no idea.”

I continued smiling, I couldn’t stop, and his features mimicked mine.

My words came sheepishly, “Maybe we could do this again?”

Right as I finished speaking another audible drop of cum was heard hitting the floor beneath us. We both exhale a small laugh, as an acknowledgement of how bizarre the situation was.

He brushes some hair away from my cheek, “How about if we have a little chat tomorrow, yeah? When we’re both a bit more clear headed.”

I couldn’t tell if he just wanted a way out, or if he wanted to make sure I was really okay with what had happened tonight. So I just nodded.

“Alright, let’s get you sorted then shall we?” He helped me into a sitting position and attempted to adjust my clothes a bit, as if I wasn’t the picture of freshly fucked; one of my dress straps had torn, my hair was completely messed up, with equally messy makeup, and of course – literally dripping cum. I had to stifle another laugh.

He pulled away, adjusting his own clothes, and shot me one last smile before slipping back to his room.

I sat there for some time, taking in the mess all around me. Almost all the bottles were on the floor, one of them had even shattered.

How had I not noticed?

There wasn’t a chance everyone in the band hadn’t heard us.

This will be awkward tomorrow.

... Continue reading on Ao3

#oli sykes #olisykesfic #oli sykes fic #oli sykes fan fiction #smut #bring me the horizon #you got a taste now #oli sykes x reader

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acourtofinkandpapyrus · 8 months

Text

My Little Shadow: Part Nine (Azriel x Reader)

Warnings: Teasing and mentions of reading smutty books!

Part eight Part ten

Tag list: @mis-lil-red @bubybubsters @luvmoo

After some time to adjust to Velaris, Y/N makes a revelation while training with Azriel...

Also, I'm sad to say my posting schedule will be slowing down a bit. Even if they're a bit shorter, I promise to keep getting this series out to you guys!

It had been two months since I had joined this lovely court, and everything had been going well. More than well, actually. Noone could get me to admit it, but I was happier than I had ever been before.

Stella and I had a small home, which when Azriel apologized about the size, and said that they’d have something more suitable for a family of two, I hadn’t cared.

I had just grinned at him and told him it was perfect.

And it was, since I had never had a place where I didn’t have to fear someone barging in on me, or locking me inside for weeks.

Not only that, but I had made friends.

Cassian’s training was absolutely insane, and when we started, I felt like my bones were going to snap into pieces, but Nesta had given me good advice, and eventually I was part of her small friend group.

I liked them, I also loved the tiny book club of which I was now part of.

I had also found myself a… an acquaintance of Amren, the female I had been so interested in before. I wouldn’t say friends, because we never talk, but neither of us mind hanging out, so that’s nice.

Azriel has been helping us train with my shadows, and I have to admit, it’s the favorite part of my day. Everyone says I can’t actually go out and start spying until Azriel deems me ready.

“You need to keep your balance.” Azriel hissed.

Oh, did I also mention he’s a complete hardass during training?

“That’s hard to do when the wind is hitting you like a ton of bricks!” I half shriek as I almost fall off the rock again.

We had been doing this for three days, and I still haven’t been able to stand with only one foot on the rock. I might have been able to if there wasn’t so much wind but…

“I thought you were supposed to be training me how to use my shadows!” I shout over the wind, right before falling face first into the ground.

Azriel chuckles, and I get to my knees to shoot him a withering glare, but I can see he’s by my pack, reading the most recent book from our little book club.

I’m blushing heavily as he raised an eyebrow at me. “This fell out of your pack when you threw it down. I thought I’d do some reading.”

I tried not to think of the many possible scenes he could be reading right now, the ones that still made me blush when I read them.

Talking to Morrigan, I had accidently let it slip that I was a virgin, and that I didn’t know about any of that stuff at all, really.

Somehow that had made it back to Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie, who then picked me out the most… detailed books in their collection.

And now Azriel was reading that book, looking up at me with a sly grin.

Azriel was fun. He teased and taunted me in ways that didn’t feel like he was picking me apart. And I liked to spar with him in this way, little snarky remarks back and forth. HAlf of the things I say would have gotten me strung up at home.

“I am teaching you to use your shadows. You’re just not understanding the assignment.” He said, flipping the page as his eyebrows shot up.

I can’t help that my face is bright red as I try to speak, my voice coming out stiff, “What do you mean I don’t understand the assignment? What do my shadows have to do with balancing on rocks?”

He sighed, tossing the book aside to my relief. “What do you use your shadows for Y/N?”

I study him, trying to figure out his game. “They help me spy sometimes, but for the most part they stay with me, hiding me when need be and otherwise they stay with me.”

To prove what I had just told him, I beckon them forth, and they appear by my side. I tried not to smile, thinking we were finally going to start some real training.

He snorted. “It’s good to at least know they’re here. Now go balance on that rock again.”

I try not to gape at him, and I was about to give him a piece of my mind, but my shadows have other ideas.

I gasp a little bit as they pull me over to the rock again, and I quickly relent, sighing as I perch atop it once again.

Looking down at my shadows, which seemed to be encouraging me, it suddenly hit me what Azriel wanted.

I’m tempted not to do it, just to spite him.

But my legs are tired, and if this means moving on in our training, then mother help me I would jump off a cliff at this point.

My shadows follow my lead, helping me balance against the wind, and suddenly it’s not a struggle at all to stay upright.

Azriel appears from around the corner, smirking. “There we go little shadow.”

I shoot him a glare, and he just laughs.

Watching him laugh, my heart flutters a bit, my cheeks turn pink and I struggle to breathe-

I almost fall off the rock as I realize what’s going on to my horror.

I was falling in love with him.

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avenirdelight · 1 year

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His Little Secret

Marcus Rashford

They’re keeping their relationship private, so they can’t show affection in public. Marcus makes sure he shows it when they have the chance to be alone, and apologises for something he’s done wrong.

For the amazing and lovely Miss @rashys 🤍

Marcus just wouldn’t let go of her, he hugged her tight for so long. To say that she was nervous was an understatement. The longer Marcus hugged her, the more nervous she was getting. She loved being in his embrace, she really did, but it was just the fact that he was hugging her not quite in a private place.

The players had been granted family time after their recovery session today. They’d gotten a big win yesterday against Wales, so spending some time with their loved ones was like a cherry on top. Some of them had chosen to go out and explore the area a little bit, some had chosen to stay at a villa near the hotel that had been arranged for them for the day.

Coady and his kids were taking a swim at the pool, Kalvin and his girlfriend were sitting and talking by the pool, Mason was playing with his nieces. Some of the lads and their families were hanging out on the porch. Marcus? He had taken her inside where nobody was there and given her the biggest hug he’d ever given her.

They hugged in silence. Marcus was slightly rocking her side to side, and she was getting confused because Marcus had barely said anything to her since she’d arrived. At first she was worried about getting caught, but now she was more worried about Marcus’ weird behaviour.

“You okay?” She finally decided to ask.

Her heart raced when she felt his deep chuckle rumbling on his chest. He caressed her back before finally loosening his arms, and she took the chance to search for his face. She felt a little bit of relief when she found the subtle smile on his face.

“I’m okay. I’m just happy about my performance yesterday and…” Marcus rested his hands on her waist, keeping her close to him. “I’m very happy to see you, really.”

“I’m very happy to see you too.” A smile grew on her face too. Memories from last night flashed on her mind and she still could still feel the thrill, and how her excitement had gone through the roof when Marcus scored. “It might be silly of me to say that I’m proud of you, since I haven’t been here for long, but I am really proud of you, Marcus. It’s always been amazing to see you play, but seeing you score goals at the world cup… It’s something else.”

“Nah, it’s not silly at all.” Marcus shook his head. “You’ve been supporting me and that's all that matters. Hey– Thank you for flying out here, it really means a lot.”

“I’d be so mad at myself if I hadn’t gone here. If I knew I had missed the chance to see those beautiful goals right where it happened, I’d be furious.”

Marcus let out another chuckle and it only made her smile grow wider. “You’ve made the right decision,” he said, and she nodded. “Did you see the celebration I did for you last night? The little flying kiss?”

She furrowed her eyebrows, more of a surprise than a confusion. “Oh, that was for me?”

“Of course that was for you!”

She giggled and felt her cheeks getting warmer. She could remember vividly how the lads huddled together in front of the family stand, celebrating Marcus’ second goal. And before Marcus had gone back in position to resume the game, he had taken the time to find her in the stand and sent her a flying kiss. Her heart jumped but she didn’t want to be too confident thinking it was for her.

“Well, I’m honoured. Thank you,” she said.

But Marcus’ smile faltered and he let out a small sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said suddenly. “I really want to say sorry because I know I haven’t been treating you right.”

“What do you mean?” Her face fell, quite taken aback by Marcus’ words.

“Last night when we were in the stands… I didn’t even give you a hug,” Marcus started. There was a heavy tone of regret in his voice, and she could easily find the regret in his eyes too. “I was too scared that people would take pictures, well– You know I’m just trying to protect you but– I was cold and indifferent, and it just wasn’t right.”

“Marcus, it’s fine.” She slightly shook her head. “We’ve talked about this. I understand.”

They were talking it slowly, that was their deal. And they wanted to keep their relationship private for the time being, just between their closest friends and family. Marcus was a high-profile person and he himself thought that he got a lot of exposure sometimes; he knew that she could get overwhelmed by that. Giving her all the time she needed to learn about his world was the top priority right now. She was his little secret and he needed to protect her; it meant no display of affection and mostly just acting like normal friends in public. Marcus tried hard to be careful with every action he took, but it seemed like he’d gone a little bit too far.

“I could do so much better. I could protect you and be careful without hurting you,” he said. “I’d do better, I promise.”

She held Marcus’ face with her hands. She got him to have his full attention on her and gave him a reassuring smile. “Marcus, honestly, you didn’t hurt me at all, I’m completely fine. Don’t worry too much about it, okay?” Her hands went to his shoulders and caressed them. “We’re both trying to do our best, Marcus, it’s all good… I’m actually flattered that you’re still thinking about me at this time.”

“I think about you all the time.”

She let out a little giggle, drawing a little smile from Marcus. “I think about you all the time too.” She wrapped her arms around Marcus’ middle and hugged him again. “I’m glad that we have some time to spend together today.”

“Yeah… I’ve really missed you.”

They both fell silent. Marcus was taking the moment to put a kiss on top of her head, which made her heart skip a beat. She couldn’t stop herself from wishing to kiss him right here right now.

“I want to introduce you to my teammates,” he said after a moment. “Would you like that?”

She loosened her arms and looked for his face. With lit up eyes, she met his gaze and she nodded her head. “Of course. I’d be so honoured.” She was honestly getting excited. “Can you introduce me to Kalvin Phillips? His girlfriend was such a sweetheart to me yesterday…”

“Yeah, sure.” He smiled. “But before that…”

Marcus cupped her hand with his hand and leaned in. He pressed his lips against hers. He kissed her and she felt her stomach flip. She held on for dear life onto his jumper, because her knees weakened from the sweet kiss and she was worried that she might lose her balance. At some point she stopped thinking at all and kissed him back.

They both were all smiles when they pulled away. This was the first time for her to be away from him for so long, so this kiss definitely felt different, and by the gaze in his eyes she could tell that he felt it too.

Marcus gave her a last peck on her lips before he grabbed her hand. “Let’s go. Are you ready?”

She nodded her head. It wasn’t the first time she was going to be introduced as Marcus' girlfriend, but even the idea still sounded crazy to her sometimes. But she held Marcus’ hand tight and put on her best smile, feeling nervousness and excitement building inside her as they walked back outside.

—

pretty sure i wrote this just after that england vs wales game but i had requests to do back then so i needed to push this one aside😵 can’t help but to be happy seeing marcus doing good right now🥺

if you want to be on my tag lists please fill in this form!

[marcus tag list: @smileytaa]

My Masterlist🤍

#avenirdelightwrites #marcus rashford imagines #football imagines #footballer imagines #marcus rashford one shot #football one shot #footballer one shot #football fic #footballer fic #marcus rashford #fanfic #fanfiction #imagine #one shot

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stalkedbytrains · 1 day

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Assassin's Monthly: In For a Kill

I ran into her, the Queen of the Kill, while I was doing some research for an article on one of the East Coast’s best gun smiths (Assassin’s Monthly 786, “Mon Chérie Fusil”). At first she wasn’t immediately recognizable. Her punk aesthetic had worn a bit, the boots were no longer thigh high beasts of leather but moderately fancy knee high ones. She’d changed out the leather jackets and the ripped jeans for more comfortable clothing, more expensive. Her scars and tattoos were showing their age, but her eyes were as bright and green and attentive as ever.

Her hair, her hair was the same, if a little faded. Still cut the same though, same as it always was.

It was her for sure. The Queen of the Kill.

The woman behind the name was something of a mystery.

Despite never hiding her identity or her name, few people actually know it. And she was one of the few people to ever leave the amateur assassin ranks and make waves on the professional assassin lists.

She cemented her title as the top ranked amateur for several years after she assassinated a sitting US Senator and presidential front runner.

From there the rank amateur would be thrust into the world of professional assassins, trading in her place at #1 for amateur hitmen to #3856 on the world wide Assassin’s Monthly professional ranking list.

By the time the next month rolled around, the Queen of the Kill not only had a name for herself among professionals (and several enemies) but also had her first AM cover (Assassin’s Monthly 402, “Queen of the Kill”) and rose up the ranks by two thousand spots all the way to #1098.

The career of the Queen has been a wild ride. Having achieved and lost #1 status forty-seven separate times over the years, she’s taken the top spot from such noteworthy assassins as One Shot, Stan Weebeldorf, The Bell Tower, and Hunter 12.

Now, thirty-two years later, the Queen has entered semi-retirement. She’s still got the chops for the game, judging by the number of times she easily could have killed me during the initial interview.

Assassin’s Monthly: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me today.

Queen of the Kill: Yeah. I mean I’ve got to keep myself entertained somehow. Your magazine only comes out once a month so I’ve got some spare time.

AM: If you don’t mind I’d like to talk about how you got started.

QK: If you’re sure. I’m sure it’s not as interesting as everyone makes it out to be.

AM: That’s just it, no one talks about it. I don’t even know if there is anyone alive from your time on the amateur lists. We know almost nothing about you before you killed Senator Clark Mathers.

QK: Well before that it was… chaotic, and fun. I was basically… what’s less than a mercenary?

AM: A thug?

QK: Not quite that low. I mean I had skill at least. I was a freelance gun, I guess? Part mercenary, part bodyguard, part assassin. Sure I killed people, but I also protected people who could pay, I ran guns, gold, drugs. I stole from people. Helped in a couple of prison escapes.

AM: Sounds exciting. How long ago was this?

QK: This was… almost forty years ago. I was just a kid really. Barely sixteen. All I had was a gun in one hand and a tenuous lease on an apartment barely big enough for a single bed. So I did what I could to make the money I needed to survive. It was chaotic and exciting and I don’t really miss those days, the days were I wasn’t entirely sure if I would ever live to see the next day. Or if I had enough money to eat.

AM: We’re all terribly curious about how you wound up assassinating Senator Mathers.

QK: Well it’s a complicated, and long, story that I’m not entirely sure I want to go all in on. I had just started my own little, tiny outfit. I was dating someone pretty seriously at the time. He was a rich kid, nice enough, wanted a taste of danger, and at the time I was the most dangerous one around. We’d gotten a deal to run some guns and when the job was a success we were brought in on a larger job. During the course of that job the Senator betrayed me, I got shot a couple of times and survived. From there it was a series of escalation. We’d try to fuck him over, he’d hire hit squads to kill us. And I finally got the last laugh when I took him out during his presidential rally.

AM: Was it true there was a tank involved at one point?

QK: It wasn’t so much of a tank as it was an armored personnel carrier, but yeah.

AM: What happened to the person you were seeing?

QK: He couldn’t handle the danger and the darkness… (she shrugs) I guess he couldn’t handle the evil.

AM: Are you saying that you think you’re evil?

QK: Me? No. I don’t think I’m much of anything. He thought it was evil. So he walked out before I killed Dickbutt.

AM: So he left you before you assassinated the Senator?

QK: Yup.

AM: Have you heard from him since?

QK: No. I never lied to him about what I was. He couldn’t handle it so he walked away. Although I know he’s dead. I think he was one of the people killed in Stan’s rise.

AM: Stan Weebledorf killed your ex?

QK: Yeah.

AM: How does that make you feel?

QK: (she shrugs again and looks away) It doesn’t really make me feel much of anything. I always liked Stan, he was a decent enough guy.

AM: Would you mind talking about your induction into the professional assassin ranks?

QK: That was a weird day.

AM: Weird how?

QK: Well I’m laying low, as low as I could possibly get. Sure I killed Dickbutt for revenge, but there were plenty of people who were willing to pay to have him killed, so I signed up, killed the guy and took my money and ran. You can’t just kill a Senator and get away with it. I was in this shitty little apartment in Northern Canada when all of a sudden there’s a magazine on my desk. There I am on the cover of Assassin’s Monthly, a magazine I never know existed, and I was paranoid as hell. I still never did figure out how you guys deliver or manage to rank everyone. It’s impressive.

AM: I’m afraid I don’t know how we do it either.

QK: A mystery for another day then. Anyways, I find this magazine and I have to read it, I have to know if I’m being followed or what. Then I find out that I’ve been voted into the professional assassin league or whatever and my rating was like bottom of the barrel. I was a little insulted.

AM: Insulted?

QK: This was the first I’d ever heard about assassins and ranks and whatnot. But to find out I was like #4000 was insulting. I was better than that! I wanted to get back out there and get my number out, but then I remembered I was still wanted. So I cooled my heels and waiting for a bit.

AM: It wasn’t long before you were back and making a name for yourself.

QK: I’m very good at what I do.

AM: Have you had any formal training?

QK: Nope. I was too busy surviving to make it to classes.

AM: No family to help or speak of?

QK: (she’s silent for a long moment) No.

AM: I have a few more questions to ask if you don’t mind.

QK: (she looks over at the French gunsmith still working on a series of rifles) I’ve got some time.

AM: Can we talk about your feud with The Bell Tower?

QK: That lunatic? What do you want to know? I thought your magazine covered most of it already.

AM: We covered it from the outside. I’d like to know what happened from your perspective.

QK: (sighs) Well we were both hired to kill people in the same office. Different people, different hires, same location. Shit happens sometimes. I was prepping my scene. My plan was to find this asshole I was hired to kill and push him off a building. He goes to the roof to smoke a couple of times a day. I’d spent a couple of hours weakening the safety fence to look like normal wear and tear and disabling all the necessary cameras. I was good to go, just had to wait for my guy to take a break when all of a sudden this lunatic comes in a shoots up the place. I find out later it was Bell Tower, like if that isn’t the name of a fucking sociopath. He kills thirteen people, injures dozens of others, fucking shoots me in the chest. Of course I return fire, because I’m a spiteful bitch. That was the last time I ever went on a job without protection. Anyways, turns out Bell Tower killed his hit and mine, and also fucking shot me so I was not happy. Also fuck that guy’s work ethic.

AM: His work ethic?

QK: Look, I’m not one of those sanctimonious assassins that only kills the target and doesn’t harm anyone else. Cause there is no one who is totally innocent. But I don’t just massacre people. That is for dime store nut jobs and racists. I’ve killed a few civilians before, shot through one to kill a man once. But Bell Tower and that crazy bomber friend of his… the fuck was his name?

AM: Olympus?

QK: Yeah, that quack. The two of them figured their lunatic tactics made it harder to tell who was really the target. But it was also carpet bombing a building to kill one guy. It’s a waste, it’s messy, and it’s unnecessary.

AM: So you’re saying that you’ll kill whoever you need to, target or civilian, so long as it is necessary?

QK: Pretty much yeah.

AM: How did the feud end?

QK: Well I’d been stealing his kills for a couple weeks, because the asshole shot me. Your magazine does an article about the fight and the next thing I know that lunatic and his friend blow three floors of a building I’m staked out in trying to get a good sniper position.

AM: How did you survive?

QK: Dumb fucking luck. But I did survive so I set up a fake identity and hired Bell Tower to kill me. When he showed up I killed him.

AM: There’s been a lot of speculation over that fight. What happened?

QK: It wasn’t really a fight. That asshole shot me and blew me up. The second he got close enough for me to shoot him, I shot him until he stopped moving. Then I walked away. It was totally worth all the sanctions your organization levied against me. The whole, no targeting other assassins and planting fake jobs and stuff. I didn’t even know there were rules against that stuff. But I’m still glad I did it.

AM: One last question: how does it feel to be the assassin with the most cover stories?

QK: Really? Are you sure I’m the one with the most covers? I could have sworn that was One Shot.

AM: Well if we put this article here on the cover you will be. One Shot retired last year. For good.

QK: Huh. Interesting. I wasn’t aware I was that famous. Although it is nice to know that two ladies are in the top spots. Too many bald guys in this game.

AM: You know One Shot? You know their gender?

QK: Eh, maybe it’s just wishful thinking.

Chérie: I’m done!

QK: About time Sugary, can we go back to my place for that coffee I promised?

Chérie: Of course.

QK: If you’ll excuse me.

AM: Of course, thank you for your time.

#writeblr #original fiction #my fiction #assassin's monthly #queen of the kill

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neondiamond · 7 months

Text

✨ Twenty Questions for Fic Writers ✨

Thank you @disgruntledkittenface for tagging me! I always enjoy this kind of tag games! 🩷

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

259,349 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

One Direction

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I’d Walk Through Fire For You (Just Let Me Adore You), Sounds like love to me, Find Me in the Kitchen, Sweet like candy, and On Thin Ice

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I do my best to answer all comments I receive, because they truly make my day every time I get one, and I want readers to know I appreciate them. ❤️

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

...

none? I seem to be incapable of writing anything but happy endings…

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Now this I'm good at lol. Happiest is hard to pick though... maybe Here You Come Again? I feel like the angst that comes in the middle makes the happy ending even sweeter with this one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

It's happened once or twice that I’ve gotten a mean comment on a fic, yeah, but not regularly. I've also gotten a few comments I would qualify as stupid specifically on my ace fics, though I think those are coming from a place of ignorance more than from a place of hatred (or at least that's my hope...)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do sometimes write smut, but not very often, because I find I have to be in a very specific mindset to do it that doesn't come often, and frankly because I don’t think I’m very good at it. But when I do write smut, I write whatever kind I feel will fit best into that fic.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've never actually written one!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! One of the Christmas fics I wrote last year was stolen and posted on AO3 for a different fandom. 🙃 The person had simply changed Harry and Louis’ names to different characters... Someone pointed it out to me in the comments and it got taken down.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! My Ace Omega Harry fic series was translated into Russian earlier this year.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Predictably, Larry. I love reading other pairings, but as far as writing goes, I think Larry will always remain my favourite.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I've been meaning to write a sequel to Chasing Feelings where Harry and Louis get to work together again, but I keep getting distracted by other ideas and at this point I'm not sure when or if it's actually going to happen lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I'm quite good at portraying feelings and emotions, even in few words.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Long fics feel kind of impossible to me, and i don’t think I’m the best at writing dialogue either.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've never done it myself, just because I don't think I've ever written a fic where a character spoke another language, but I don't mind it when reading. It can be fun to try to decipher it sometimes.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction

20. Favorite fic you've written?

If you ask me the same question tomorrow, I'll probably have a different answer because my favourites change all the time, but a recurring one has to One for the Books. I just love writing Christmas fics and this one feels extra cosy to me.

Tagging: @onlythebravest @crinkle-eyed-boo @sun-lt @homosociallyyours and whoever else feels like doing this!!

#love doing these #tag games

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embercottage · 2 months

Text

In The Void

Sneak Peek Into Chapter 1, Isabella's POV. Dark Content A Head.

February 8th 2045, 8:45 am.

The weather was cold as usual. Clouds covering the sky. It was quite besides some growling in the distance. I knew I’d probably have to go kill it later but I don’t want to right now. I want to enjoy the 5 minutes of peace before I go out in the horror story that is the world right now. My eyes dully stared up at the ceiling of the rotting house. Our ‘safe house’ is what Emerald calls it. It’s not very safe if someone has to defend the door 24/7 in my opinion. It’s crowded here when everyone is in. It was nice to be alone. No one is bugging me to help them. Clean their wounds. I don’t mind helping them but sometimes I just need alone time. As much as I can get. No one knows we exist. Everyone thinks we’re dead. I can’t blame them, I’d think we’d be dead too. I’m shocked we’ve lived this long. We’re all shocked. We shouldn’t be alive, we should be one of those things or dead. We’ve lost everyone we’ve ever loved. We watched them turn into monsters. Flesh tearing monsters. We have no connection to the outside world, only this small area where we are. How could we escape? A boat would be our best option but we have no idea where we would even get one. We can’t go anywhere near the ocean or near the docks. It’s the monsters ‘safe place’. We can’t risk going there, we barely survive when they come here. We have weapons for Christ's sake yet we are dying off one by one. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t live with myself anymore, I’ve let people-

“Bella?” Ella’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I stared at her. Her raggy blonde hair. Her blue eyes are still filled with innocence. If only she knew what was out there.

“Yes El?” I respond back trying my best to look somewhat happy for her. I didn’t want her to feel bad. I know it’s wrong to hide the truth from her but she’s 8, she doesn’t deserve to live in a world like this. She doesn’t deserve to have her childhood stripped from her in this twisted game of survival. She doesn’t deserve to live in a world were it’s kill or get killed.

“Do you think Beck will ever come back?” She asks. Of course I didn’t. She left 1 month ago. She’s either dead or one of the monsters. She went to get supplies. She shouldn’t have gone alone but she was to goddamn studdorn to let us go with her. Atleast one of us. We knew she didn’t have the skills to fight off even one of those things. She told us we were selfish for thinking she needed our help. Now look where that has gotten her.

“Maybe hun” I respond after a couple of minutes. Ella smiled at me. So innocent. So.. naive. She shouldn’t stay naive. I need to tell her. I shouldn’t shelter her from this nightmare. She needs to know the truth. You can't blame me for wanting to shelter her. I'm her older sister, her mother in a way. I want, need, to protect her. I’d die before I let her turn into one of those monsters. I can't fail her. I made a promise to my father on his deathbed and I refuse to break it. Ella walked out of the cabin door and started talking to Nali. I sighed and laid my head back down on the pillow. I wish I didn't live in this world. I, Ella, and my love could be happy together. Somewhere that wasn't here….

Tag List: @breakmyh3art. Please let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list either in my asks, comments, or DMs.

#embercottage 🥀#in the void 🥀#writeblr #writers on tumblr #sapphic horror #horror romance #horror writing #horror #sneak peek #🥀🥀🥀🥀

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jedidryad · 1 year

Text

This isn’t so much a WIP as a work abandoned. When I was trying to figure out how to write the Mara memoir, I came up with a premise where she was forced to recount her and Luke’s love story to Vader’s ghost in the cave on Dagobah. I clearly abandoned this premise, but there are parts of it that might be fun to read so here’s some of it:

I moved hesitantly forward in the dark [of the cave]. Without Luke’s comforting presence in the corner of my mind, I felt very lonely and on edge. It was amazing how quickly I’d gotten used to him being there, how he calmed me.

As my eyes adjusted, I saw there was a small source of light ahead, like a dim window in the cave wall. I moved towards it and realized there was a cloaked figure standing in front of that window. The Emperor! My training kicked in and I scanned around me for something to use as a weapon, but, of course there was nothing, and I had left my stash with Luke. Within a few tentative steps, I determined the figure was much too tall to be Palpatine.

Then the being turned towards me and removed the hood to reveal a human man, older but not wizened, bearded, with wistful blue eyes and scars criss crossing what could be seen of his pale face. In the dim light, the cloak was revealed to be jedi robes, sleeves flowing long enough that I could not see his hands.

I stood there in silence, unsure what to think. The man seemed similarly taken aback.

“Well, if the Force had told me, all those years ago, that I would be here meeting up with you. I would not have believed it, Mara Jade.”

“Mara Jade Skywalker,” I corrected tartly, but automatically, trying to place the voice. It was almost familiar to me.

The jedi ghost stared a moment and then promptly began to chuckle to himself at length. Apparently, he found my married name hilarious.

I was at a loss. This was not what I had expected when I nervously walked in here.

“Well you seem to know who I am.” I said, feeling a little aggravated, “Who exactly are you?”

He grinned, a maddeningly familiar expression that I couldn’t place, and shook his head.

“Haven’t figured it out yet?”

“No,” I drew on the arrogance of my youth, “ and I dislike guessing games.”

Obnoxiously, he found this even more amusing. I felt anger bubbling up inside before I checked myself. There was nothing to be gained by getting angry at this ghost.

I let out a long slow breath and tried to let my frustration and fear float away with it.

“Okay,” I said, changing tactics, “Why have you called me here? Whoever you are.”

He stopped laughing and looked thoughtful.

“I didn’t call you here. We were both called by the Force, although I expect your method of travel was a bit more arduous.”

“Because you’re dead,” I said by way of confirmation and he nodded again. I continued to search my memory files for how this person and I might have known each other. Had I really seen that many people die that I couldn’t even figure this out?

There was a nervous pause.

“Is Luke with you on planet?”

The tender way he said Luke’s name made my jaw drop, and my eyes zeroed in on his.

I knew who this was. The wistful blue eyes, the web of scars, the oddly almost familiar voice, and the poodoo eating smile I’d seen on my husband’s face a thousand times since we’d met.

“Vader” It came out on a breath.

A shadow passed across his features and he nodded.

“Darth Vader.” I repeated, staring into the face I had only ever seen sealed behind a mask.

He nodded quietly again.

I stared too long. I couldn’t help it. I could suddenly see both my husband and my sister in law in that face but couldn’t imagine how they were related.

I said the first thing that came to my stunned mind.

“Luke never mentioned you had a beard.”

“It’s complicated” was all he said in response.

I found that oddly unsatisfying as responses go, but this whole situation was ludicrous.

Here I was in a cave, supposedly facing some great Force test, and I bump into the ghost of my father-in-law, who had also been my...rival? Colleague?

“Well, Shavit.” I looked at him again and shook my head before lifting my face to the endless nothing above us.

“What the Kriff, Force,” I cried in annoyance, “What is your plan here?”

Vader spoke up, “I have been sent here to witness the justifications of a married jedi.”

“What?”

“The Jedi order forbade bonds between Jedi, and for some very good reasons. I’ve been called to hear you explain why you think your relationship is worthy of an exception to the rule.”

I know my expression became skeptical and dangerous, but Vader held up well. He never had been intimidated by me, I guess. Why would he start now?

“I have to convince you that Luke and I deserve to be married?”

He nodded.

“Convince you?!”

He shrugged, “Well, the Force actually, but convincing me is a start.”

I let out a solid stream of invective in several languages. I let him know what I thought of the idea of the Force sending an ex Sith Lord to judge my fitness for love and marriage.

Truth be told, I was a little impressed by my creativity, especially when I realized his eyes had widened and there were signs of colour on his cheeks.

Apparently I knew words that could make a Sith Lord blush.

“I see my son chose a cultured lady of the court.”

“Et Chu Ta,” I blustered, “you know who I am.”

“On the contrary,” he responded, “I know who you were. I very much doubt either one of us is much as we were or we would not be standing here.”

“But why the kriff am I standing here? You want to talk to someone about my marriage, why didn’t they call your son? He would love to sit and chat over a cup of hot chocolate with you. He’s the one who missed out on knowing his father. I spent most of my life with you breathing down my neck - mechanically.”

“And I have nothing to prove to you.”

Vader straightened.

“Well, apparently you have something to prove to the Force.”

I let him and anyone else who might be listening know what I thought of that idea.

“Chuba, where did you learn some of those expressions?”

“I spent a good ten years in the company of smugglers after Palpatine died. What were you doing?”

“Atoning.”

His tone was quiet and sober, but heavy with unspoken experiences, none of which I wanted to know about.

I sighed.

“Yeah, me too.” I pursed my lips and looked at him sharply, “and it appears I’m not done yet.”

“You have nowhere near as far to go as I do, Mara.”

“Don’t be too sure,” I muttered.

I squared my shoulders.

“So what do I have to do?”

He nodded.

“You need to tell me how you wound up married to my son.”

I smirked bitterly. No way that was all there was to it.

“Well that’s simple.”, I began, crisply, “As he was dying, our dear old Emperor, convinced me that you and Luke murdered him together and commanded that I kill Luke. The command literally haunted me and I spent five years fantasizing about how I would dispose of him. Then I met him…”

“And he changed your mind?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Really?, Twenty-two years as second in command to the most evil man the galaxy has seen since Exar Kun and you think just meeting Luke could undo his brainwashing like that?”

I snapped my fingers by way of illustration.

“No, I wanted to kill him even more then. He was calm, reasonable, and so utterly confident I wouldn’t do it. He was obnoxious. It was practically a dare.”

“Jade, this isn’t doing much to convince me you love him.”

“Then you don’t know a whole lot about love.”

#epic!bio #early draft #mara jade #luke x mara #darth vader #anakin skywalker #jedi ghost #or sith ghost #depending on how you feel #ghost with an attitude #awkward dynamics #and you think your in laws are hard

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leaderoffestivals · 11 months

Text

CROSS FIRE: Epilogue 1

Madara: Well then, shall we get going, ‘Leader’?

Kuro: Yep. I’ll be countin’ on ya, ‘Leader’.

Scenario Writer: Kino Seitarou (with Akira) Season: Summer Characters: Kiryu Kuro, Mikejima Madara, Nagumo Tetora, Sazanami Jun, Otogari Adonis

Adonis: Fufu. So, here you are as well, Anzu. I’m really glad I was able to work together with you thanks to this recent Shuffle Project.

Once the shooting of this video is over, most of the work for this job will be completed; only the main show will be left. I can’t help feeling a little dejected about it, but still—

Thank you for giving us such a fun job to work on, Anzu.

And, although you may be feeling a little uncomfortable on this set filled with men, I hope you’ll be able to relax and enjoy the show anyway.

Jun: Thanks for all your hard work, Anzu. I’m all changed into my outfit too.

It has been a truly wonderful opportunity to witness Anzu’s talents as a Producer up close and personal through this Shuffle Project. I’d definitely have to thank Ibara and Ohiisan for their pushiness based on that alone, huh!

Nope, it’s nothing. I’m just talking to myself, please ignore me ♪

Come to think of it—this outfit has a really foreign style, doesn’t it? Or should I say it has a fantasy feel instead?

Madara: Well, it’s an image PV we’re filming after all, so they’ll definitely want the storyline to stand out from reality so as to grab everyone’s attention.

The concept is about two factions fighting in a temple——

It seems Anzu-san decided on the casting direction after learning about the showdown between Kuro-san and me. However, we reeeally didn’t expect it to fit so well with the ‘anything goes’ spirit of CROSS FIRE!

Kuro: ‘Anything goes’, you don’t say. That only takes me back to the practice match we had the other day.

I honestly didn't expect ya to bust out so many moves I’d never seen before—or that you would throw in a whole bunch of mind games to boot. The match ended up bein’ such a mess, or I should say—

Ugh—We ended up turnin’ the match into such a terrible mud-fight, hittin’ out at each other’s weaknesses. I don’t ever wanna have to fight like that ever again.

Madara: Haha! Ohhh, come on now, Kuro-san. You say that, but weren’t you enjoying yourself thoroughly back then, too?

It’s unfortunate the match resulted in yet another draw due to the time running out, but with this, there are no longer any regrets or grudges between us now! Most importantly, we managed to have fun during the match without any injuries at aaall!

All’s well that ends well! Don’t you think so too~, Kuro-san?

Kuro: Tch! Where do you get the bare-faced cheek to be sayin’ such chummy words? It’s obvious as hell you were mercilessly aimin’ fer my face back then.

It’s true though—I’m really glad neither of us got hurt as well. If we’d gotten injured, we wouldn’t be able to carry out the rest of our work after that.

Jun: Ahaha! All of us in the audience really enjoyed watching that white-hot match as well!

It was so entertaining to watch Mikejima-senpai fight, switching up tactics and techniques so as to not let his opponent have a break.

Nagumo-kun has been going around Seisoukan, enthusiastically telling everyone he meets about how amazing Kiryu-senpai’s performance was, too ♪

Kuro: Oi, Tetsu. Don’t go around broadcasting the incident far and wide like that. You’ll have people wonderin’ why you’re still gettin’ excited over a fist-fight at yer age.

Tetora: T—that’s not true. In fact, I think it’s something to be proud of!

I’m sure I won’t be forgetting about that match anytime soon. Every single move Taisho made has been deeply etched into my memory!

I really wish the filming would start quickly so I can start moving my body too. I just can’t endure waiting any longer! ♪

Kuro: Oh, is that so? Well, if Tetsu’s that happy fer my sake, I guess that’s a good thing too.

Even so, you better not be dwellin’ too deeply in the achievements of the past, because we have a job to do in front of us today.

Tetora: Of course! I’ve already thoroughly memorised the job flow and can start filming right away!

Mikejima-senpai and the others, who’ve spent several years wandering after refusing to abide by the teachings of the temple, will return to stand in front of Taisho once again——I can’t help but remember the practice match with this setting; it’s such a thrilling setup that stirs the blood!

Adonis: Haha~! Are we going to have a rematch with each other so soon? We definitely won’t lose to you this time.

I was worried about how I would fare at first, because I don’t have any experience in acting. However, I’ve heard this image PV will not be using our voiced lines directly as they are.

Thanks to that, I’ll be able to put all my focus into the action.

Jun: Hehe! That’s what you say, Otogari-san, but haven’t you been fervently memorising your lines? I saw you murmuring your lines to yourself when we were doing our muscle training together.

I guess deep inside, you must be thinking it would be such a shame if you couldn’t do justice to your character, right~?

Adonis: Fufu~. You might be right about that.

However, I do think that it would be enough to do just that for this job, this time.

Witnessing Kiryu-senpai and Mikejima-senpai’s battle up close has got even me wanting to speak to everyone in BUTOUKAI through the language of fists, too.

Pitting oneself against the other in a contest of strength bound by the spirit of sportsmanship seems to be like… … a way to connect with your opponent’s heart, or something close to it.

Jun: Don’t say it like it has nothing to do with us, Otogari-san. This time, we’ll all be fighting together, too.

Although we’re just a shooting a promotional video and not having an actual showdown, I’m really looking forward to sparring with Nagumo-kun during the filming. ♪

Tetora: Fufu! I’m gonna have to apologize to Senpai beforehand, cos I’ve been training my body fastidiously for this day, so I definitely won’t be losing to anyone in a battle of strength ♪

Madara: Umu! It’s great that everyone’s is so fired up. ♪ We trulyyy are the Shuffle Unit of comrades who share the common interest of muscle training, indeed!

Well then, shall we get going, ‘Leader’?

Kuro: Yep. I’ll be countin’ on ya, ‘Leader’.

Madara: … … Hahaha. Doesn’t it feel reeeally weird to be having two Leaders?

Are you truly fine with this? If we were to judge solely on the content of the practice match, I would feel Kuro-san had the upper hand.

Kuro: Nah. The results are the results, aren’t they? It’s totally on me fer not bein’ able to KO ya.

This ain’t the Dragon King Competition where victory can be decided by superiority. Let’s have a showdown to determine the true victor in the future, however many years from now.

Madara: Ho~. That sounds like a reeeally distant future, indeed! I’ll be happy to accept your challenge anytime you want to, though!

Kuro: There’s no need for ya to be holdin’ yer breath for that. I already said I’ve had my fill of fightin’ with ya, haven’t I?

Besides… …

Madara: Huh? Besides—?

Kuro: Nah, it ain’t nothing at all.

Madara: Mu. It looked like you were about to say something, though? What is it? Keeping secrets is reeeally bad, you know~?

Kuro: It ain’t what you’re thinkin’ at all. It just sounds pretty dumb if I were to say it out loud, that’s all.

Madara: Haha! Can it be you’ve been wanting for us to be Leaders together from the very start, Kuro-san? Wow~, I’d be very happy if that were true~ ♪

Kuro: Well, that’s pretty much it. You and I are comrades in training after all, so let us support each other as we run down this final stretch, like bosom buddies will.

(… … Haha. I say that, but honestly, I wouldn’t have been able to keep everything together if you hadn’t been here to share the leadership role too, Mikejima.

If I had to manage the demands of the CROSS FIRE management execs, as well as those of everyone here in BUTOUKAI as Leader on my own, it would’ve been way too much for my body to handle.

Practice and singing, shooting the PV and performing as round boy… … And on top of that, after the practice match became such a hot topic, a slew of special programmes were hastily added as lead-ups to the main show as well…

We were already hella busy enough as it were.

Haha~! I guess it’s because this Shuffle Unit’s a one-off job, so everyone ended up being way greedier than usual, wanting to experience more things. I’m really fortunate to have such a reliable ally by my side ♪)

Madara: … …? What’s going on, Kuro-san?

Kuro: Nah, it’s nothin’ ♪

Let’s announce the heroic figures of our BUTOUKAI with a resounding roar to the world.

Madara: Yes, let’s. The enemies of yesterday are the friends of today; Let's go capture our amazing synergy and teamwork on camera. ♪

—————-To be continued——————-

Chapter 13 / Epilogue 2

Translator’s Notes:

#ensemble stars #enstars tl #mikejima madara #kiryu kuro #otogari adonis #sazanami jun #nagumo tetora #cross fire #fist and fist

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tokuvivor · 1 year

Note

🍦💖🏆for the fanfic ask game

🍦What’s the sweetest fic you’ve created so far?

Damn, that’s a tough one. They’re all pretty sweet. But I’ll say The Power of Three.

Yes, I’ve already talked about it plenty. But I just love it, okay?

There are a couple reasons I mention it specifically as being super sweet. One is the age of the central characters. It’s just three awkward, adorkable kids trying to figure out their relationships with each other. Childhood can be rough for some people. Making friends is hard. I wanted to demonstrate that in this story, but in more of a natural way, because of how they process meeting new people, not because I, the writer, just wanna be a dick to them.

My other reason is the relationships. I just feel like I fleshed them out really well in this story. First with Huey and Violet, then elaborating a bit from Astro B.O.Y.D.! to drive home Huey and Boyd’s relationship, then the three of them together (and getting a nice little moment between Violet and Boyd, with Violet’s acceptance of Boyd being a robot after he explained it to her). But not just them. We also have Webby and Lena being super supportive of their respective siblings, wanting to help them understand the other person more. Even the little part I had in the second chapter between Dewey and Louie, being concerned over their brother’s feeling of dejection after the challenge.

Overall, I both played the sweetness straight during the story (having it on its own), and used it to counteract any feelings of unease my characters may have had.

💖What made you start writing?

Ever since I really got into the DuckTales fandom on here, I saw plenty of stories. They just kinda inspired me, but time after time, I second-guessed myself, wasn’t sure how good I’d be at it. I had done writing with a moot before, but she had come up with the bulk of the story that we were (and still are) writing. Eventually, I decided to take the initiative, get an AO3 account, and start writing. And with a couple ideas already in mind, off I went.

🏆 What’s your most popular fic?

The Power of Three. I’ve gotten over 650 hits on it, 57 kudoses, and a few bookmarks.

#fanfic writer emoji ask game

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lady-october · 1 month

Text

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : 1-12 on Archive of Our Own

Story Content : 18+, Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Dom/Sub, Sadism/Masochism, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

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Chapter 13: Everything is so fucked

Chapter title is lyrics from "Teardrops"

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If there was ever a time for the ground to open up beneath my feet and put me out of my misery, it would be now.

Suddenly it was like the band members were taking turns trying to charm me, coming up with any excuse to get my attention, with Mat – the drummer of the group – coming on the strongest by a longshot, having effectively gotten me alone within a couple of hours after getting back on the bus.

We were both down on our knees, rummaging through some luggage next to his bunk as the bus gently swayed from driving along the straight desert motorway. He proclaimed he’d lost his best pair of earplugs that was necessary for the night due to Lee’s obnoxious snoring, which in turn had resulted in a heated argument about who snores the most. Once that settled down he’d casually yelled after me to help him look for them as he was already stalking up the stairs.

I really wasn’t used to this type of attention from men. Besides Oli, I’d only been approached maybe a handful of times – and that includes the creep at last night's party. I always just assumed men didn’t find me too attractive, but now I’m starting to think that maybe it had more to do with how I presented myself to the world. Being as chronically shy as I am, I mostly tried to hide myself, attempting to get as little attention as possible with my wardrobe choices. But since joining the tour – since everything that happened with my ex, and since trying to get out of my shell a bit more, I’ve essentially worn less and less each week, revealing more of my body than I had ever done before.

I knew it had successfully gotten Oli’s attention, but it turns out the others had apparently enjoyed the view as well. And while I was actually quite flattered, I was having enough of a hard time juggling Oli and all the confusing things he was making me feel. The last thing I needed right now was Mat having me go on a wild goose chase for some earplugs I wasn’t sure were missing in the first place.

After a couple minutes looking through the luggage with him, I fished out the second pair of earplugs I’d found, “What about these?”

His eyes lit up, and the warmest smile I’d ever seen on him emerged on his face.

“Bloody brilliant, love. We’d be lost without you.” He said in a low voice, his eyes meeting mine as he took them off of me. I noticed the lust lingering there, despite it being very subdued. Much like Oli, it turns out Mat was also a charmer, just a completely different flavour. Where Oli was passionate and deep, like an ocean and its all-consuming and unpredictable waves, Mat carried an earthy warmth to him. He seemed solid, reliable, in a way that made you feel like you’d known him your whole life.

I gave him a bashful smile before I started packing his luggage back up, but the bus swayed unexpectedly and I fell straight into his lap with a yelp, knocking him into the bunk opposite us from the impact. I held onto him, trying to prevent us from sliding further down the walkway, but he immediately grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me off of him.

“Bloody hell, you alright?” He asked, looking genuinely worried while helping us both back onto our knees – as if falling on him could have somehow injured me, then removed his hands from me completely.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? I just knocked you over.” I said with a laugh.

He laughed, “I don’t want to be too forward with you, love.”

Realisation hit; he thought being so physically close to me, having touched me or accidentally felt my body against his, might have been inappropriate in some way – despite it not even having been his fault.

It was both endearing and ironic, considering he’d just made up losing his earplugs to get me alone. I couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Not too forward? You’ve worked awfully hard to get me alone you know.”

My words slipped out of me before I had a chance to think about what I was saying – or how I was saying it. The flirtatious mood I’d just been in while texting Oli had clearly not worn off yet, and in combination with how relaxed I felt in Mat’s down to earth presence, I had let my guard down entirely, causing me to speak without my usual filter; causing me to sound incredibly flirty.

Panic set in as I saw Mat’s face shift to reveal more of the subdued lust that was emitting off of him, “That obvious, huh?”

Kicking myself mentally, I fumbled for words, not sure how to get myself out of the situation I had so foolishly put myself in. When I failed to produce a response, Mat pulled himself up, holding onto the top bunk as the bus continued to sway gently, then offered me a helping hand. Stunned, I simply took it and let him help me up.

But to my surprise he didn’t let go of my hand once I was standing.

I swallowed, my panic growing further, having me contemplate awkwardly making a run for the stairs, but Mat spoke before my brain had a chance to get itself out of the stunlock.

“You like Meg Myers, right?”

Another wave of shock washed over me; my first day on the tour Mat had asked me what music I was into, I’d blurted out Meg Myers in a rush as I was busy attempting to check off everything on Liam’s tasklist.

I couldn’t believe he remembered.

“Y-yes.” I answered, as it was the only response I could find while my fingers still rested in Mat’s warm and calloused hand.

“Well I know tomorrow’s schedule is unusually chaotic, but we’ve planned to spend some time with the opening bands after the gig. Just backstage of course, so about as informal as it gets,” He started, his sunny smile reappearing on his lips, this time laced with a suggestiveness that made me feel a blush creep up my face, “Would be lovely to spend some time with you then… Cause I gave Meg Myers a listen and I have to say I’m really enjoying what I’ve heard so far, both lyrically and musically she’s pretty impressive. Maybe we could talk about other music you like, or just get to know each other a little better in general.”

As he watched me with questioning eyes, having essentially just asked me out on a date, I was struggling to not visibly hyperventilate. Not only was I the reason he didn’t know what was going on between me and Oli, but I had also just unintentionally led him on by very obviously flirting with him.

It felt incredibly cruel to turn him down now, but I knew I had to.

I opened my mouth to speak, to let him down as gently as I possibly could, but he brought my hand up to his lips and gave it a chaste kiss, “I’ll save a seat next to me, love.”

Throwing me one last smile, he let go of my hand and began taking strides towards the stairs. I wanted to tell him to stop, to let him know I wasn’t up for anything he was suggesting, but he had disappeared before my tangled mind had sorted itself out.

Shit.

I was left standing in front of Mat’s open luggage, wondering how today had turned itself so completely upside down, so very quickly.

Trying not to cry out of frustration, I put away Mat’s luggage in a rush and started descending the stairs.

I couldn’t even make eye contact with Oli as I made a bee-line for the front of the bus; I decided that it was best if I spent the rest of the evening up front with Liam, where, hopefully, no one else would attempt to ask me out on a date.

As soon as I collapsed into the seat next to him he flooded me with apologies,

“Listen, Alice. I’m so sorry for asking about the nap thing at the diner, I had no clue it would spark such questions, but it was entirely too risky of me regardless.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault – they apparently already knew.” I said, feeling a nearly hysterical laughter trying to push its way up my throat.

“Wait, seriously?”

“Oh and Mat just asked me on a date.”

“What!?” Liam’s eyes went wide as saucers.

As I filled him in on all the details I was struck with such an overwhelming sense of dread that for a short moment I considered simply quitting this job and flying back home to England on the next available flight. The thought of spiralling down into suicidal misery and rotting in bed all day somehow felt more appealing than the prospect of these lies and broken hearts.

But as soon as I finished talking, Liam said something that snapped me out of it enough to at least consider my options further before throwing in the towel on the mess I’d created.

“Fucking hell, Alice... At least your life isn’t boring.”

While he had said it with pity in his heart, I couldn’t help but feel some hope. Because while my life was a complete disaster at the moment, I had, at the very least, managed to break free from the zombie-like state I’d been trapped in for the past 11 years.

When Liam parked up for the night I waited up front until everyone had gone upstairs. It wasn’t until the noises died down that I readied myself for bed and gingerly made my way up the steps to the second floor.

As soon as I pulled the privacy curtain on my bunk shut, I picked up my phone, knowing I had to fill Oli in on the events.

“Alice: Mat asked me to hangout with him tomorrow after the concert.”

I cringed as I had intentionally avoided the word ‘date’, but I knew the same point still came across.

His response came quickly.

“Oli: What did you say?”

“Alice: He didn’t give me a chance to respond.”

“Oli: Are you interested in him?”

Another quick response, followed up by an immediate reminder of the deal we struck earlier.

“Oli: Remember, no lying.”

His question made me feel uneasy, because the truth is someone like Mat used to be the exact type of guy I would find attractive. I would easily get crushes on guys that were charming in similar ways, or came across as laid back and down to earth. It didn’t help that he was the spitting image of a guy I used to have a work crush a couple of years ago.

It also didn’t help that he reminded me a fair bit of my ex. Or at least who he was in the beginning of our relationship, before things started to go down hill – before he changed. So I can’t help but feel like I could have enjoyed spending time with Mat, if it wasn’t for a certain someone who had taken me by storm, making me question what my type is at all anymore.

I took a deep breath, trying to think of a way to respond while both being honest, and trying to cause as little unnecessary jealousy as possible.

“Alice: I’m not sure he’s my type anymore.”

There was a longer pause between responses this time, causing me to tense up.

“Oli: Is your type by any chance a 3.8, singer from Sheffield?”

The tension left my body. Despite the knot in my stomach feeling like I was leading him on, some light-hearted flirting was a nice change of pace to our previously serious conversation. Plus it was hard to fight the urge to flirt with him, it just came so naturally.

“Alice: You know you’re a 10.”

“Oli: Is that so? We should go together perfectly then.”

I internally kicked myself as I felt the panic starting to grow again. It was just light-hearted flirting after all – something I had welcomed with open arms, and so willingly joined in on just a second ago. Yet the overwhelming sense of pressure I felt at his words was undeniable.

I knew I had to take some time to search within myself, to at least attempt to organise the chaos inside me and figure out what I need to do going forward with Oli. So I shoved the phone under my pillow, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

Some time passed as I tried to centre myself, and the sounds of soft snoring could be heard all around me alongside the wind from the outside.

As I laid there trying to imagine different outcomes with Oli, and how they all made me feel, I continuously felt myself reaching for the mark on my wrist that he had so lovely kissed earlier today. The more times it happened, the more pressure was building inside me. I could feel a lump grow in my throat filled with trapped emotions that I didn’t know how to draw out without falling apart.

A vibration sounded from beneath my pillow.

“Oli: Night, love.”

It was such a short message, nothing special at all really, yet the emotions that rushed through my body at the sight of it left me with an intense urge to have him here with me in my bunk, holding me as I slept.

I have feelings for him.

My heart began to race at the thought. I didn’t want to allow myself to slip back into panic and run away from my emotions again, instead I gently touched the idea, allowing myself to warm up to the thought, knowing I don’t have time to run away anymore.

But all I could feel was deep, deep discomfort.

Sure, I was terrified, but it was more than that. Something a lot larger and complicated that yanked me in so many different directions I thought my limbs would be torn straight off.

Oli had stirred up so much in me, made me question things about myself, but there was one thing he had instilled in me with complete certainty; there are islands of undiscovered territory within my mind, soul, and heart – I feel incomplete, floating somewhere in the void, not quite tangible or actualized.

Should I really be with anyone at all when I understand this little about myself?

The thought of pursuing something – anything beyond what we were currently doing, made me feel a similar dread to the notion of never talking to him again. So what do you even do with that knowledge? How am I supposed to do anything but suspend myself in this state forever, to simply let myself enjoy him as long as I could before reaching whatever breaking point that was necessary to push me out of it.

I felt the sting of unshed tears behind my eyes.

I have feelings for him.

The shaking took hold of me as the floodgates opened involuntarily, sobbing as quietly as I could, hoping the sounds around me would drown me out as I wept, and I wouldn’t wake anyone.

Another vibration.

“Oli: Do you want me to come lay with you?”

I couldn’t help it, the tears came stronger at his thoughtful message, causing more shaking, and more subtle sounds to escape me.

I guess I hadn’t been as quiet as I’d hoped.

Suddenly I could hear the rustle of fabrics, and the subtle sounds of footsteps coming towards me. Then the curtain of my bunk was silently, ever so gently, pulled back to reveal the silhouette of a kneeling man, the man I apparently had feelings for, only the moonlight spilling in from the skylight letting me see hints of his sympathetic features. Wordlessly he leaned in, reaching out to wipe away some of my tears, caressing my cheek with such tenderness it threatened to unleash the restraints I had put on my crying, and made the lump in my throat grow infinitely more painful as I had to work overtime to push it down. Regardless of the pain, I couldn’t help but lean into his caress, the gesture filling me with such comfort despite coming from the reason I was crying in the first place.

My acceptance of his touch was all it took, he gestured for me to move over so he could slip in next to me. As soon as I did he carefully nestled me into his chest, holding me tight as I silently wept into his t-shirt in the cramped space of the bunk.

The longer I bathed in his scent, in his warmth, and the comforting sound of his steady heartbeat beneath my head, the more consumed with guilt I became.

I felt horrible for accepting his comfort. It wasn’t right, not with the realisations I just had.

One of the hands that had been holding onto me, let go in order to pull the curtain shut, making it seem like he intended to stay.

“You shouldn’t sleep here.” I whispered as softly as I could.

“I won’t. I’ll leave in a bit.” He replied, the whisper barely audible, his breath tickling the hair on top of my head.

The tears continued to stream from my eyes, soaking his shirt. I should tell him to leave now, I shouldn’t allow myself to steal this moment. But my heart wanted him to stay so desperately I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of him.

All I could do was apologise.

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t respond, he just held me tighter, causing me to feel both infinitely better and worse all at once. I was so fed up with crying, I’d been crying more the past week than I had in years.

Some time passed and my tears finally came to a stop. I was so worn out from all the emotions, from all the guilt, that I just let myself relish the sensation of his hands on me, caressing me slowly, holding me close. How his body so effortlessly, so perfectly moulded to mine... I didn’t want the night to end.

But all things come to an end.

I must have nodded off, because before I knew it I was startled awake by the source of my comfort moving; Oli had opened the curtain and was attempting to untangle himself from me.

Without thinking I grabbed for him, not wanting him to leave, not wanting the emptiness to replace him.

My vision must have adjusted to the darkness because I could make out his features so much clearer now. He wore a similar expression to the one that had caused me to run away in fear in the storage room that night in the arena; filled to the brim with deep sadness and longing – an expression that clearly only surfaced when shrouded in darkness.

But I felt no fear this time.

“Stay.” I mouthed against my better judgement.

The confusion on him was obvious.

He studied my face for a long, thoughtful moment, then shook his head. I was hit with a pang of disappointment, but I wasn’t about to push him, especially when I didn’t know his reasons for wanting to leave. He gave my forehead a soft kiss, then slipped away.

The emptiness that followed was as hollow and cold as I’d expected it to be, leaving my night full of broken sleep and anxious thoughts of tomorrow.

... Subscribe to the story on Ao3 for future updates

#oli sykes fic #oli sykes smut #oli sykes #bring me the horizon #oliver sykes #oli sykes fan fiction #smut #oli sykes x reader #you got a taste now

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docholligay · 1 year

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Flowers: Printemps

I made it! The review of Flowers: Printemps is done before the Winter stream tonight. @iscahwynn usually I ask the patron before I write the review if there’s anything they’d like me to answer, but I was in a crunch, a bit, so if there is anything you’d like me to answer, just let me know and I’d be happy to! 2300 words.

Firstly, I made a mistake. Before I go into this, I want to say: A) The mistake was mine. B) If I had to fuck up in this way, I am so very glad that I did it for someone who has always been a really wonderful and understanding patron. C) Thank god it was for a series that I would go on record as saying I broadly enjoy.

That being said, I am never taking a visual novel commission again. I charged for it like a book review, and it probably took me three or four times as long to complete. I don’t know what IDIOT thought I had in my head that I could completel a visual novel as quickly as an actual novel, and that the only thing slowing me up was the streaming, but I was out of my goddamn mind. So! Iscah has gotten the only visual novel commission that will ever exist, because what I’d have to charge for it even at the lowball per hour I do book reviews, it would be too high.

OKAY NOW TO THE ACTUAL GAME.

Trying to figure out how I feel about this game, contrasted with the other two. Autumn is most definitely my favorite. Yuzuriha made me absolutely insane, but in a way that by the end of the game, was affectionate in nature, really. I think I actually would have liked her more from the get-go if I had played the two games before it first, because I would have been more used to her bullshit. Or maybe not! Autumn gave me a chance to get at the core of Yuzuriha’s weird stuff, so by the time I was playing Spring, places where I very much would be annoyed with her (And sometimes still am: I swear to god if she asks if it’s that time of the month again I’m gonna blow) I rolled my eyes and simply said, “Oh my god, you ain’t shit Yuzu” and moved on with my day. Like, I know she’s a fucking loser so it didn’t bug me.

ANYWAY, Autumn was definitely the best of the two as far as storyline, school uniforms, and everything else. But I can’t decide if I like this or Summer better.

I like Erika a LOT more as a character. She is still my ultimate fave, and she and Chidori are my ultimate couple. But the way they treat Erika’s disability in Summer hugely rankles me, and it’s just a level of infantilization that is largely absent in Spring and Autumn. I’m not going to waste 86% of this review of Spring litigating the problems I had with Summer’s engagement with a disabled character, so suffice to say it was deeply annoying.

Spring’s pacing is horrendous. I mean, in a way that I found not fun. This took me forever to play not only because playing a visual novel takes much much more time than reading a book, but also because sometimes halfway through a session I would find myself bored and distracted, which, I mean I know I’m an ADHD shit, but isn’t an issue I had much with the other two games, and I don’t think that was just because of the streaming. I’ve been bored with things I was actively streaming before. I think it just maanges to constantly feel like you are spending forty years in the desert. Which is a bummer, because the moments that land are so very good.

Anyway, let’s talk about some of the moments and characters and we’ll see if I can reach a conclusion.

I think part of the trouble here is that I don’t emotionally connect with Suoh. I find a lot of her “thing” extremely, I guess, self-centered. She is so convinced that people are thinking about her and looking at her, and so every moment of her life she has to be thinkling about how she can’t have friends because she’s just SO awkward, and I know I should feel bad for her, I know that is the intention of the narrative, but when she’s fucking SURROUNDED by people who are being nothing but kind nad warm to her and constantly being told how gorgeous she is, it all comes off a bit pathetic. That being said! Characters like Suoh are most definitely NOT my thing, and I get that and I own that. It’s the ‘sad nerd’ thing, which is not a character archetype I connect with at all.

This is going to sound strange but I really love the love triangle here. I gotta be me: I ort of wish Mayuri would have stayed liking Rikka and having to let down Suoh. But I know where I am! Buy the ticket, take the ride, and I wasn’t disappointed the way I was with say, Autumn, because at no point did the game REALLY let me think that they weren’t going to get together if I grew my flower right. But I enjoyed that, at least for a pretty large series of moments, we had Mayuri in love with Rikka instead of both fighting over Suoh. I thought that was great.

I actually thought the Bloody Mary stuff was really fun and creepy! It’s been my favorite handling of any of the Seven Mysteries thus far. I felt the tension was really good, and unlike Rikka, I really enjoy a good ghost story.

I also really enjoyed, and they do this a couple times but I’m thinking of the time with Mayuri in the baths in particular, the way they switched between times. So it would be a few hours or a day agao, and now. I wish they had done more of that in later games, though I can see how some people might have found it clunky. On that moment, as a small aside, boy was I about to murder the Sasakis for getting in the way of the big lesbian confession.

The Sasakis! It’s funny because I told Iscah this game made me like Ringo and Ichigo more than any other game had managed. I never disliked them, but they weren’t endeared to me the way they are now, and iscah told me a lot of people really disliked the Sasakis in this game, because, well, they’re little shits. They play a prank on Souh that’s a little mean-spirited, admittedly. They fucking fake a disappearance. They unintentiuonally out Mayuri. I would die for them. I can see where people are coming from, but they aren’t actively mean people, they’re just little goblins who think of something funny and then have no further thoughts beyond that. I DON’T wish I had played this before Fall, because I doubt I would have had as much faith in the series as I did, but I feel like the who Yuzu dating situation might have landed with me a bit better if I had known them so well and had the capacity to feel bad for them that I do now.

On Mayuri, boy don’t the writers think they’re being cute here! I figured out that her secret was the she was a lesbian really early in the game, for two reasonms. Number one, I’ve consumed a gay media. But number two, oh my god they are so obvious about it, up to and including--and this is the one I am openly and without apology making fun of-- having the Sasakis call her “Yuri” for short.

So That I expected and loved, but I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a little taken aback by the fact that the secret isn’t that she’s a lesbian, or rather, not jsut that, but that she fell in love with her nanny, a woman that she herself says was like a mother to her. I know that not everyone has the deep level of squick I do for anything that isn’t QUITE incest, but has a familial level of closeness tied into it. I know that I think that’s fine. But for me, it was extremely, “can we not?” I mean, unless I’m deeply mistaken about the state of Japan, I think there’s still enough embarrassment about being a lesbian that Mayuri could feel strange about it. Or she could just be a weirdo! Or she could have been rejected before! There are so many options here that don’t necessarily have to be falling in love with a parental figure.

I LOVE LOVE Rikka forcing Suoh to be in a relationship with her. 800 points to Rikka Hanbishi for being so much more interesting than I have ever found her in any Floweers property thus far! And they did it by making her terrible! She is deeply besotted with Suoh, and at first early in the game that’s very cute and for awhile I just feel really bad for her because if you ask human beings named Doc who are me, Mayuri acts a little bit like an ass in the beginning

One thing this whole series of games does, and I think it does it really well, is have a light touch with people’s backstories. I DESPERATELY want to know more about Rikka being adopted and feeling like she will never ever measure up to the family she’s been adopted into. I want to hear so much more about that, and we fucking DON’T, and that’s so normal and real and natural, and I think it is such an amazing touch from a genre, not just visual novels, but yuri manga and anime are abd about this too, that tend to dump backstory on you. I am in love with and obsessed with their choices here. Same with how we never hear much about Erika’s family and we never find out why she can’t walk. She just can’t, and that’s that. Same with so much of Nerine’s backstory. I love it!

I do find it weird when Suoh is worried that other people won’t acept her for *reads notes* being emotionally abused by her stepmother? Mayuri I get. Mayuri’s thing is very fucking weird and I could see how people would be a little “eeeehhh” about it, but Suoh doesn’t have that. Under what banner could she possibly be rejected?

ADORE that she fails at the recital, that there’s this whole buildup about the soloist and accompanist having this deep bond, and you know it’s gonna be Mayuri and you’re expecting this beautiful clear, moment, and she fails! Suoh fails! She can’t get through the song! I was not expecting that at all, and I was so excited about it. What an amazing choice, to have the heroine fail.

I expected so so much more of Mayuri’s disappearance, and I am genuinely a little disappointed. So much is made of it in the latter two games, especially Summer, and so I was expecting a lot of emotional turmoil, and heaviness, and whispers, and drama. But, bitch is gone for like four minutes, including the credit roll. I’m with Chidori here, “What? It’s not like she died.” and so I think it actually made me scoff a bit more at so much being made of it in Summer, because I don’t think they ever really let the emotional resonance of the situatiuon sit with me in Spring. So, I’m glad I have the backstory for Winter. I am now totally set up to get what’s going on through Winter. But I don’t feel any more connection to Mayuri’s disappearance.

Hopes for Winter:

More Erika! I can never have too much Erika. I hope they treat her well, also.

This is me beginning for disappointment, I fear but I actually would like to see Rikka and Suoh get together. I know I shouldn’t, I know I should want Rikka’s overeagerness to not be rewarded, but sometimes I’m a soft touch and can’t help myself.

I don’t know if we’re supposed to get anything resolved with the Seven Mysteries, but I assume we’re going ton find out something about Mayuri’s disappearance? So maybe, anyway, i’d love to see more stuff that’s not just Sister Dahlia fuckin around or whatever.

In this game, Suoh has a line that I specifically wrote down, that she had many experiences this year at the academy “more bad than good” and I’m curious to see how that comes out. What? Mayuri disappeared? People have been really good to you here, Suoh, please explain.

BULLET POINT THOUGHTS FROM MY NOTES

The ballet fanservice seems very feminine. It is light, and sexy but in a very casual and airy way

If in fact the Japanese translation of, I guess, the ENTIRE chronicles of Narnia she's reading have changed lines to be more palatable, I think that sucks

"Foreign literature can have hidden ideas implied in the text" suoh I hate to inform you this is just called literature

This flower shit is INSANE when we could just...see that one of v these books is Erika's

Both neris father and grandfather were priests I'm DYING, and sister dhalia’s father too? Holy fuck no one in this game understands how priesthood works, fuck me ahahah

Oh my God is ichigo talking about a dogs purpose? That book was annoyingly mawkish

Just how mentally weak are you? Fuck I love erika. If you don't want to do it you can just refuse YES. In general, as an American rural jew, I have no patience for the 87 levels of politeness of Japanese, but the way erika weaponizes them and the way the narrative KNOWS SHE IS DOING IT gives me such fondness

Encounters on spring tying together in summer ripening in fall melting together in winter hmmmm

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valasania-the-pale · 1 year

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15 Questions 15 Mutuals

I was tagged by @runawaymun, thanks for tagging me! This’ll be a good way to pass some time :D

Rules: answer the questions and tag fifteen mutuals

1. Are you named after anyone?

One of the biblical angels, yes. I’m not a great fan of my name, but I don’t feel strongly enough about it to want to change it when it’d impact my family and whatnot. As far Valasania, that comes from Tolkien’s Valar. Singular Valar is Vala, sania was my addition to turn it into something that sounded like a proper name for a fantasy elf I was making for an MMORPG lol.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Evening before last I finished re-reading Sansukh and shed a fair few tears for the ending.Unfortunately, I am currently sick (and was at the time) so it wasn’t as cathartic as I’d have desired, just felt unpleasant and stuffy.

3. Do you have kids?

No, and I probably won’t ever, unless tragedy strikes my family or very life-changing epiphanies steal upon me.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes, though less than I used to. I used to have the best deadpan expression on command, but it came at the cost of my affect a lot of the time, so I think I’ve found a nice balance.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Generally a voice will strike me first - it kinda depends on whether it’s online or in person. A voice, and how people talk, is a good window for me to get to know them better without asking, necessarily.

6. What's your eye colour?

blue.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I get that some movies aren’t meant to end happy, but if I just finish feeling wretched with no caveat, it’s just unpleasant.

8. Any special talents?

Writing I’d say for one, I can do a decent job at voices, I’ve got a keen mind for history and the like, and I judge speech and debate tournaments where I can. I also edit prose for a few close friends.

9. Where were you born?

Pacific Northwest.

10. What are your hobbies?

Writing where I can manage it, reading, videos games (primarily RPGs, but I also play a fair bit of Grand Strategy like Stellaris or Civ V, or MMORPGs like EVE Online or FFXIV. Currently playing Elder Scrolls Online). I’ve taken up DnD in the last two years, and have been DM’ing a few duets with friends as well. I’m looking forward to getting to run a larger campaign sometime in the future, but as of right now I haven’t gotten the group together.

11. Have you any pets?

Just my cat, Mipha! She’s a cuddly little gremlin, but she’s mine.

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I did some baseball as a child, but stopped pretty early, then took up martial arts for several years. I had to quit for the sake of my mental health in 5th grade. Getting moved to a ‘gifted’ school was really bad for me, probably did more harm than good. I was one belt away from my black belt, and I’ll never not resent how it ended, or that afterwards I heard that my instructors bad mouthed me to my peers. These days I try to get in regular walks where I can. If you count it as a sport, I judge speech and debate, and I’m active in that scene locally.

13. How tall are you?

5′10″, or, tall enough to not feel insecure, but too short to look any of my male friends in high school in the eye lol.

14. Favorite subject in school?

History and English. I wish I’d have gotten a proper Anthropology course in high school, it might’ve changed my trajectory in life, but I did eventually find myself in an Anthropology of Gender class at uni that was the best class I’ve had in my life.

15. Dream job?

A writer comfortable enough to not have to worry about money, getting to indulge in my hobbies as I like. I’m a teacher now, which is a good place to be, but it’s not where I want to be for forever. I’m not nearly consistent enough in writing to rely on it for income.

Tagging friends: @erynalasse, @itsclydebitches, @fandomsallaroundme, @theheirofashandfire, @outofangband, @eowyntheavenger and whoever else would like to join in! No pressure to anyone tagged :)

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gamingblur103s · 2 years

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alright so this is really fuckin petty

and halfway delusional because of how late it is for me as i’m writing this but i really really really hate the omori pursuit au (ie the one where hero loses it). i fully admit i have not read the sequel in full (as i really don’t want to), but i did read the original story as it was being published. plus, although i definitely wouldn’t count this as me reading the sequel in full, i am generally aware of how it goes from what i did read and from everything i would see of this story in the places i’d go looking for omori fanart.

i’ve got kinda a lot of qualms with the story this au originates from, but the one i wanna focus on here is character interpretation. i have problems with everyone in the group, but i wanna focus on hero. iirc, the author did explicitly state that the version of hero they were portraying was not how they actually saw him as. and i’m inclined to believe them on that, both because they have no real reason to lie about that and because i can tell as much from the other times they’ve written hero.

despite all of this, it’s upsetting to see a character you love so much be interpreted in a way that is completely antithetical to what made them so important to you. it’s especially prevalent in what i’ve seen of the sequel, where hero is so comically far removed from himself that it’s practically diametrically opposed to his original character. where the good ending of that sequel goes completely against the sentiment of the original game (of course that’s not to say it isn’t a justified direction for its story to take, i just bring this up to highlight how far gone it’s gotten from the game). it’s a person that the original hero could never become (pretty much “he would never” but unironically lol). but all that’s really no big deal, not only because of what the author said about this not actually being how they see hero, but because even if it was, people are free to do whatever so long as it doesn’t hurt others. not to mention, it’s not like i was being forced to continue reading. the fact i did finish the original story meant it had something going right with its idea/execution/what have you. what outright frustrates me is that the interpretation got so popular for a time that it seeped way deeper into the general perception of hero’s character than it had any right to. as in, it was being conflated with the original character of hero and it felt like there was more art being made of pursuit au hero than the original character. now some major qualifiers to that statement: -there’s nothing necessarily wrong about this either. remember, i’m being insanely petty with all this towards a deeply personal work of a person i do not know. and i am generally happy to see when monumental fanworks such as this get celebrated. because they deserve it! -this was only from my position. it’s incredibly likely it isn’t nearly as bad overall as it was for me, and i only kept encountering it without wanting to as much as i did because of how much i entrenched myself in omori fancontent (and still do) -not to belabor the point, but this is truly so deeply fucking petty of me to feel this way, let alone type this all out. iirc, the creator’s stated before how personally fulfilling and therapeutic writing these stories were for them, and absolutely more power to them on that. my annoyance should not supercede that in any way.

so i guess my point in all this is that i’m very very glad that shit’s over because constantly seeing it when i didn’t want to got to the point where it deeply upset me. nothing day-ruining, mind you, but always saddening. especially when it’s a bait and switch and i think originally that it’s art or whatever of regular hero. but i digress.

here’s to the creator’s next project, and me liking it more if i end up reading it ever. sorry for all this.

#omori #hopefully if the author of those fics somehow sees this they don't take it personally #i really am happy they got as much out of it as they did and any and all hate they got is absolutely undeserved #zero doubts on them being a lovely person and all that jazz #also big sorry if this is completely incomprehensible there's a good chance i'm deleting it

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fluffyprincereviews · 1 year

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10 Games Releasing 2023 That I'm Most Excited About

2022 was a wonderful year for games for me. I've played a lot of games in my backlog, as well as new releases as they came out. It can be tough keeping up with all the games that are releasing, but there are quite a few that I have my eye out for this year. Some big, some small, and some in-between! While I won't be talking about all of these extensively on this blog (mayhaps in smaller posts though, who knows?), at the very I want to gush about these in the turn of the new year.

Like a Dragon: Ishin (PS4, PS5, Steam, Xbox One, Xbox Series X/S) February 21st 2023

To think that it's only been a few years now since I've first jumped on the Yakuza bandwagon. While there's still a few of the games that I need to finish, I'm excited to take on this spin-off game. Will I absolutely die because I insist on button mashing? Yes. Will I lose my mind the minute I see Majima? Also yes. I’d love to finish out the rest of my backlog with Yakuza before February comes around, but I know that’s but a lofty dream.

Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (Switch) May 12th, 2023

If there is one thing that I have always enjoyed when it comes to Legend of Zelda, it's the lore and styling of the series. Link knows how to make an impact, even in his simple tunic. While I never finished Breath of the Wild due to my attention span being really bad at the time that this game released, there is a hope inside of me that I'll see this game through to the end. That and, I'm also hoping that they improved on the open world aspect to tie in more story.

Master Detective Archives: Rain Code (Switch) 2023

When it comes to adventure games, my absolute favorite genre are mysteries. I love being able to solve the big question behind what's happening. So while I should know better than to put all of my eggs into one basket, my hopes are very high that this game will scratch my ever constant mystery adventure game itch. Given that the people behind Dangan Ronpa are behind this game, it should at the very least be an interesting experience.

Fire Emblem Engage (Switch) January 20th, 2023

Like a lot of the Fire Emblem fandom, when the first official trailer for Engage came out, I was not sold on the designs at all. It just felt too...gimmicky. But after the deluge of new character designs that have come out, along with just allowing time to settle in, I realize that I am generally excited to see what Fire Emblem has in store for us. Of course, it is still a mild excitement, given the disappointment that was the gameplay/map designs for Three Houses. Say what you will, while the story was very good, the tactics gameplay left quite a bit to be desired.

Mega Man Battle Network Legacy Collection (Switch, PS4, Steam) April 14th, 2023

I have a soft spot for Gameboy RPGs. Growing up on Yu-Gi-Oh games, I just really love the styling of isometric views. While I don't have any nostalgia for Mega Man at all, I do want go play as many older RPGs that I can, especially those from the GBA era that I wasn't able to play in my youth. And perhaps, if I end up enjoying these games, it can show that fans want more from Capcom in terms of Mega Man RPGs.

Final Fantasy XVI (PS5) June 22nd, 2023

I'm not what you would call a Final Fantasy fan. That's not to say that I hate the series or anything, but more that I've just...never completed a Final Fantasy game. The furthest I've gotten was with Final Fantasy XIV and I haven't played Endwalker yet (and probably won't, just because I'm burnt out on MMOs for the foreseeable future). But something about XVI is drawing my eye and I find myself very intrigued. Perhaps its the gruff main character, or the fact that his charge is unexpectedly murdered, meaning that some intense angst is bound to occur. Who knows?

A Space for the Unbound (PS4, PS5, Switch, Steam, Xbox One) January 19th, 2023

I remember playing this little indie demo about a year ago and loving the atmosphere behind it. The pixel art was gorgeous and I followed one of the developers of this title as they were posting about the game on Twitter. To see it finally be released has me very excited, especially so soon too.

Suikoden I and II HD Remaster: Gate Rune and Dunan Unification Wars (PS4, Xbox One, Switch, Steam) 2023

I'm very late to the classic RPG train, due to the fact that I never had the opportunity to play these games growing up. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who had thought this, but over the past...decade or so, Konami just left a bad taste in my mouth. From my perspective, it was the fact that they had so many IPs that they underutilized and those that they did milk (Yu-Gi-Oh) felt like low effort cash grabs. So seeing them actually putting an effort to developing and publishing games over the last few years has been a bit surprising. But hey, if it results in them opening their vault of old games and bringing them to more audiences, I'm all for it.

Have a Nice Death (Switch, Steam) March 22nd, 2023

Roguelikes are a genre that I never imagined myself exploring until I played Hades. Now, I'm on the search for any other roguelikes that can scratch that satisfying itch of slashing through enemies, failing horribly, and getting back up and trying again (with some leniency since I'm bad at games). I'm not quite sure what to expect when coming into this game as I like to know as little as possible about new games I'm interested in (outside of the basics to make sure I'm actually interested in it).

Mineko's Night Market (Switch, Steam) 2023

This is another indie title that I've had my eye on since it was first revealed in a Nintendo Indie Direct a couple years ago or so. Since then, it's been remaining low key, trickling out information every once in a blue moon. But now, it seems as though we are at the end of the tunnel, with a potential release date coming this year.

Those are just some of the games that I’m excited to play this year. But what games have your interest peaked?

#Like a Dragon: Ishin #Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom #Master Detective Archives: Rain Code #Fire Emblem: Engage #Final Fantasy XVI #Mega Man Battle Network Legacy Collection #A Space for the Unbound #Suikoden I and II HD Remaster #Have a Nice Death #Mineko's Night Market #video games #FluffyPrince Lists

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