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d1xonss · 3 months

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✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Reader

✧ Era : Season 6

✧ Pronouns : she/her

✧ Genre : Suggestive (oop)

✧ Word Count : 5k

AN ~ …This one might need a part two, that’s all I’m going to say.

“Stop.”

Your mouth parted a little in shock that he had interrupted you, embarrassment filling your entire being as you could feel the heat rising up to your cheeks, no doubt leaving a red hue on your skin. You attempted to read him, trying to figure out what he was thinking just by his face and body language, but you were left with nothing. His expression was neutral, his arms were crossed over his chest as they always were, and his eyes didn’t even give you a flash of indication of what he planned to say next. Though somehow you had a feeling you knew it was something you would dread.

It had been years now that you had been crushing on the older man, from Atlanta to all the way here in your new homes in Alexandria, you had always felt these very strong feelings for him. And though you knew the age gap was definitely something to recognize, you never cared in the slightest as your fondness for him over the years only seemed to grow.

Daryl Dixon was a very serious man, though he mostly kept to himself, no one could deny that he was also a very kindhearted person. He was constantly putting others before himself, protecting nearly everyone in the group even if that meant his life was on the line instead, he did it as if it was just second nature to him. Like he didn’t even have to think before he acted. That’s what you admired most about him, only causing you to fall deeper than you already were, digging yourself further into the hole you couldn’t seem to escape.

It was hard for some to believe, but you truly tried to push these feelings aside, mostly because you thought there was no way in hell he would ever feel the same way about you. But it was growing to be unbearable, the secret you had been keeping to yourself for so long beginning to eat you up inside.

So you finally decided to bite the bullet and just tell him. You didn’t know what exactly compelled you to do so since you had such a huge fear of rejection from him and didn’t want him to see you differently, but still you just threw yourself into the lion’s den it seemed like. But there was a little hope you had when you approached him to confess. The soft smile playing on his lips was enough for you to spill everything, seeing that there was a small chance he might’ve felt something similar. It wasn’t a secret that he had grown to care for you too, so you guessed you could really take that chance.

But now all your hope diminished instantly when he interrupted your sentence with just one word. One single word that caused your stomach to flip. You felt yourself begin to panic a little as you stood there, seconds after pouring your heart out and laying everything out on the table, and he wanted you to stop. You suddenly wished you could take everything back in that split second, tell him you were joking or make something else up on the spot. Anything to escape from this sudden situation.

He then sighed heavily as he raised his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “Look…yer a really sweet girl and I care bout ya…but…ya can’t be sayin all this. M’ way too old for ya.”

Your heart seemed to drop upon hearing that, knowing in the back of your mind, that little aspect would be the thing he brought all his attention to. You had to admit however that it was a pretty big difference, twenty years to be exact where you stood at twenty-four while he was already pushing forty-five. But still, you were an adult and felt that you could make your own choices when it came to something like this, something that he wasn’t willing to listen to any longer.

Daryl noticed your silence, seeing the look you had on your face and he grew almost sympathetic as he looked at you. “Look ya can’t be…fallin for me. It ain’t right.”

That sentence seemed to break you out of your trance. Annoyance began to brew inside you as he was now starting to almost talk down on you as if you were a kid, crossing your arms over your chest in frustration. “Who are you to tell me what isn’t right?” you asked with furrowed brows.

He noticed your change in mood and only sighed to himself again, “I just mean that…” he trailed off as he never wanted to hurt you or deny you, but honesty was more important to him. And this was something he knew he needed to be blunt about. “I ain’t the guy for ya, no matter how ya feel. We’re just too far apart.”

“That’s not true.” you were quick to defend.

Daryl’s eyes narrowed the smallest bit, “It is true.” he said a bit more sternly, “Yer so young and m’ a lot older…besides I ain’t what they call boyfriend material…it would never work.” he claimed.

Your eyes narrowed even further, “I’m not just some kid Daryl, how old do you even think I am?”

He scoffed to himself as he looked at you a little longer, “I dunno…” he spoke as he didn’t want you to really know the age that popped up in his head. If you were really as young as he thought, it would be disgusting to even think about being with you.

“I’m twenty four.”

His eyes widened slightly as he thought about your words for only a moment, before he went back to scoffing to himself, “Well if I didn’t know any better I’d say yer lyin.”

Your frustration only began to build up further as he didn’t believe you. Though maybe he did. Maybe he did believe you, he just didn’t want to believe you. He didn’t want to admit or accept that your age wasn’t as bad as he originally thought, he just put up a wall to defend himself like he always seemed to.

But you were prepared to call him out on his bullshit. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were scared.”

“Scared?” he repeated, his lip turning up into an amused smile, “And what am I scared of?”

“Scared of your own feelings.” you said with little to no hesitation at all, stating the obvious and seeing right through him.

The man’s expression remained the same, but something in his eyes flickered with something more, and you couldn’t help but smirk to yourself once you caught it. He stayed silent for what felt like an eternity, pondering over your words as he desperately didn’t want you to see his hesitance as he stood there with a straight face. But you had clearly caught on.

After almost minutes of deafening silence, he finally spoke again in a sarcastic tone, “So ya think ya got me all figured out then, huh?”

You could see his exterior cracking the smallest bit and decided to take a chance. You began to move forward slowly, closing the remaining space between the two of you from the opposite sides of where you stood in his living room. His eyes widened ever so slightly as you got almost uncomfortably close to him, your chests nearly touching as you looked up to him with big doe eyes.

“Yeah…yeah I do.” you answered barely above a whisper.

Daryl subtly sucked in a soft breath at your words, your close proximity, everything that just seemed to draw him in. He desperately wanted to take a few steps away, wanting to tell you something harsh so you would stop being so damn persistent, but he couldn’t seem to find the strength. He stood there almost completely frozen as his heart began beating rapidly, questioning if you could hear it in the silence with how close you were to him.

You could feel yourself smirk slightly as he grew completely silent again, nodding to yourself as you decided to stop tormenting him. At least for now. “Well…since you made your intentions clear…I guess I’ll just see you around then…” you said quietly before turning on your heel to leave his house, to leave him to his now racing thoughts.

His tongue seemed to be tied into a knot as all he could do was watch you leave through the front door, a heat blooming on his cheeks. He began questioning to himself if all of that really just happened, if he was really as transparent as you claimed he was. His mind began to spiral with thousands of thoughts, but not even he could deny that small spark he felt in his chest, one that he had never felt before.

The next day wasn’t any better for him, his mind constantly flooding with the thoughts of that small interaction, not stopping himself from thinking back to your confession as a whole. There was no way he could feel such a thing for someone as young as you…could he? It all felt very wrong and twisted in a way, but he couldn’t stop thinking of you constantly throughout the entire day, how complicated everything seemed to be. He didn’t pull away. Why the hell didn’t he pull away? It was almost as if he liked your closeness, being able to almost feel the warmth of your body…almost as if he craved it more than he realized.

Over the few years he had gotten to know you, he couldn’t deny that he thought you were very beautiful from the start, but he didn’t dare let his mind linger there for long. There was no way he could be with you, it all seemed so wrong to him in his mind and he had to put a stop to those thoughts immediately once they entered his mind. But with everything that went down yesterday, he couldn’t help but be reminded of those familiar feelings he once seemed to have long ago, seeing them rise back up to the surface before his very eyes.

He needed to see you. He couldn’t help but think about you throughout the entire day as if you had somehow put him under a spell, compelling him to eventually crawl back. He didn’t know what he planned to say, he didn’t even know if he should even try to speak about this hovering matter anymore. But he physically needed to see you again. Even if it was just for a few minutes. He needed to feel that spark again.

So after his long patrol, he found himself heading straight towards your house the second he was finished, walking at a fast pace down the streets all the way up until he could see your familiar house just around the corner. His breathing was almost heavy in anticipation as he got closer, hopping up the porch steps in a flash before he hesitated when he was face to face with your front door. He hesitated for a long moment, longer than he was willing to admit, before he finally gave it a heavy knock.

You were inside cooking yourself some dinner when you heard a loud knock coming from your front door, your brows furrowing in confusion at who it could be as you quickly cleaned your hands off with a towel. You made your way closer towards the entrance with a little anticipation weighing in your heart, the sound of the firm knock sounding like it was something urgent. But the moment you looked through the peephole and saw who was standing on the other side, you immediately smirked to yourself. You almost couldn't believe he was actually seeking you out.

You opened the door after a moment or two, leaning against the frame with a smile as you looked at him with a smile, “Hi Daryl.” you greeted with a hint of flirtation to your voice.

Your tone surprised him slightly as he stopped for a moment to take you in, his nerves resurfacing the moment you looked him in the eye. But eventually he cleared his throat a little and sent you a small smile, “Hey.”

“Did you need something?” you asked sweetly.

You were playing with him now, both of you knew it too. He didn’t exactly know what he came over here for, almost as if he didn’t really know what he wanted, but all he could feel was that same feeling rushing over him again once more at the sound of your voice. It was almost comforting to him, something he hadn’t felt in a very long time, and his heart began to beat even faster once he realized just how much he needed more of it.

You tilted your head at him expectantly, and it was then and only then he realized he didn’t answer your question. He shook his head a little to rid of his loud thoughts before finally mustering up a response. “Nah…I don’t need anythin. Just…just wanted to see ya.”

He could see your eyes soften as you looked up at him through your long eyelashes, the sight bringing a warmth through his chest, settling at the bottom of his stomach as he looked at you. “Aw…that’s so sweet.” you said as you placed a hand over your chest.

His eyes widened ever so slightly as he heard just the smallest bit of praise from you, if you could even call it that. But he found he liked the sound of you calling him sweet, and he found he loved the idea of you calling him other things. He felt himself slip almost as your words seemed to affect him well, almost a little too well, feeling himself swallow thickly as he tried to figure out what to say to you next.

“Do…do you mind if I come in for a bit?” he mustered up.

Your face dropped a little bit upon hearing that, though mentally you almost felt yourself light up at the sudden opportunity to turn the tables around on him. “Oh…I don’t know…” you trailed off as you eventually let the smirk return to your face, “Wouldn’t that be…wrong?” I asked with a hinting tone.

The man was stunned a little as his only response to you was silence. He stood there almost completely still at the sound of you throwing his own words back up at his face like that, but then again you had a point. He did say those things to you, he made it very obvious and certain. Yet he couldn’t help but silently smirk to himself at the game you seemed to be playing now.

“I don’t think it’s such a good idea…” you continued on.

He hears his own phrase being used against him again and damn did it feel better than it should’ve. He found himself growing a little excited as you continued on, leaning himself against the doorway a little as he looked down at you with almost hungry eyes.

“Well…maybe I like doin things that are wrong.” he stated.

You clicked your tongue in response as you shook your head, “That’s not what you said the other day, I heard you…I’m just following the rules.” you said as you moved to shut the door.

But his hand came up and quickly caught it before you could shut him out all the way, pushing it back open a little with a raised brow. “Now what’s with you and all these goddamn rules now, hm? Who even made em?” he asked as he felt himself falling right into your trap, flirting right back with you like you wanted.

“You did.” you said simply, watching his face drop a little at your response, “You made it very clear, and I understand...” you said simply before moving to shut the door right in his face.

The man was stunned to say the least seeing the door almost touching the tip of his nose, his expression flustered and his heart hammering. He groaned to himself in annoyance as he slowly turned on his heel to leave, his irritation not directed at you per say, but how you made him feel.

It was far too complicated, but you were playing him like a damn fiddle and he knew it. He supposed that maybe he deserved a little of the shit you were giving him seeing as he turned you down in the first place, but how much were you willing to drag this on for? He was growing attached, too attached, and now he was wrapped around your little finger instead of the other way around. He saw how desperate you looked in the beginning as you confessed everything to him, he saw that look in your eye. But now you had completely flipped the script and made him out to be the one growing desperate. It was frustrating…but in the most captivating way.

A week seemed to pass by in a flash just like that, the two of you going back and forth, leading to you teasing him to no end. He knew there were plenty of times where he could’ve just walked away from the situation, but he was so tempted to keep playing along in the game you entertained. And it was working more than he was willing to admit, his mind not being able to stop thinking about you and slowly feeling himself break. He didn’t want to cave and admit how much he had been thinking of you, how much he wanted you, but it was getting harder and harder every time he saw you. Every bat of your eyelashes, every flash of your small and perfect smile had him absolutely crumbling.

And what he seemed to be dreading the most now was a bonfire being hosted by a neighbor in the community, everyone being invited to the event.

At first Daryl debated on going at all, knowing that you would probably be there taunting him in the best way you knew how. But he couldn’t help but want to feed into that temptation, just looking for another excuse to see you again. Though in all honesty he didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up. How much longer he could hold out as you played with him until he would completely break right in front of your eyes for you to see. He hated to admit it even to himself, but he was growing more and more desperate for you, which he knew is exactly what you wanted. But he didn’t care at this point. He would let you do whatever you wanted to him if he knew he could finally have you.

You on the other hand however were looking forward to the event. You took your time picking out your outfit, settling on a shorter skirt and a black top that left just enough to the imagination, almost not being able to contain your excitement and mischief when thinking about seeing him again. In all honesty, you didn’t expect him to continue to feed into what was supposed to be just a little teasing, it surprised you beyond repair to see him playing along as much as he was. Though you knew he had grown to like it, he had grown to fall for you more than before. And you loved it.

Once the day was finally over and the stars just began to rise into the sky, the time came for everyone to attend the little get together as the bonfire was beginning to light up Alexandria with its orange glow. People began to arrive in pairs and groups to the get together, greeting one another politely with smiles and hugs, but Daryl found himself planted in the corner of the small party. His eyes kept scanning around for you subconsciously, his nerves only growing as he convinced himself not to fall apart for you, to not fall into his desires.

But then he caught sight of you finally arriving, seeing the things you were wearing, and he immediately seemed to lose his train of thought right then and there. He was now reminded why he so desperately wanted to give in, why he wanted to give away every part of himself to you as he watched you smile and greet a few people passing by. You knew how to get to him, how to make him nervous, knowing exactly which strings to pull to get him all hot and bothered. It’s all what made you so absolutely alluring.

He watched you from a distance for a while with his arms crossed over his chest, not being able to approach you as you always seemed to be speaking with someone. His patience was growing thin and his destress was building as all he wanted was to talk to you, to see you up close. The way you were dressed, the way you wore your hair up only to have a few stray pieces aligning your face, it was beginning to drive him crazy.

But then an opportunity seemed to open up right before his very eyes as he saw you walk away off by yourself, just close enough towards the fire to feel the warmth, yet far enough from everyone else so he could finally approach you. He swallowed thickly at the thought of the things he was easily getting himself into, but he couldn’t help it as it seemed like his feet had minds of their own, practically floating right over to you. His steps were quiet as he approached you from behind, not wanting to scare you, but wanting to catch you off guard for once.

When he was finally close enough just to hover over you, it was only then that he spoke, “Hey.” he said quietly.

But you hardly even flinched, as if you knew of his presence approaching the whole time as you turned to look at him with a smile, “Hi Daryl.”

God the way you said his name drove him almost to a point of insanity, wanting you to say it over and over again as you voice was sweet and warm like honey. It’s almost impossible to resist you in this moment in time, taking in your appearance up close and getting a whiff of your intoxicating perfume as a gust of wind blows by was enough to send him over the edge. Leading to a point of no return.

But still, he somehow managed to keep his composure, “You look nice.” he commented sweetly, a small smile crossing his lips.

Your eyes practically lit up at the compliment he gave you, subconsciously smoothing down your skirt as you looked up at him, “You think so?” you subtly flirted.

His mouth parted to respond, but he couldn’t seem to find the right words. But he does think so, in fact he’s thinking almost a little too much about how amazing you look in front of the glowing fire.

A smirk was brought to your face as he didn’t respond to your question, diverting his attention to your body once more as your voice quieted down to a whisper, “You don’t think my skirt’s too…short…right?”

His eyes seemed to trail back down just as you wanted them too, eyeing your legs for a dangerously long time at the brief question that fell from your lips. His mouth was agape as he found he couldn’t look away, the feeling bubbling inside him almost being too overbearing as he desperately tried to swallow and lubricate his dry throat.

Though he eventually found himself shaking his head as his gaze trailed back up to your eyes, “Nah…it’s fine.” he breathed.

“You sure?” you asked again playfully, “I can always go home and change if you think it’s too much-”

“N-No,” he interrupted quickly, “I kinda like it actually.” he blurted before his mind even had a chance to stop him. Though he feels the embarrassment wash over him the moment the words left his mouth, coming to the realization of what he had just said.

But much to his relief, he saw you smile a bit wider, “I’m glad you like it…” you admitted as you suddenly leaned in further to him to whisper in his ear, “...I wore it just for you.”

Daryl’s body went rigid and his mind seemed to go completely blank, his heart beating twice as fast as it was before. Just for him? You wore that pretty little thing just for him? His mouth became very dry once again, his knees feeling weaker, especially when you laughed lightly to yourself at his speechless state, pulling back a little to stand next to him normally before anyone could notice. Oh god, it hit him, what if anyone noticed.

His eyes then did a quick scan around the sea of people, but none of them seemed to catch onto the interactions he was having with such a young girl. That sent a wave of relief through him, bringing his attention back towards you as you hadn’t stopped staring at him the entire time it seemed like.

“So…are you enjoying yourself?” you ask him with a seductive tone to your voice.

The older man sucked in a breath at your tone, seeing that twinkle in your eye that was nearly impossible to resist, “Yeah…I am.” he finally responded.

You smile to yourself as you heard his confirmation, “Good.” you nodded.

He then quietly groaned to himself, almost as if he couldn’t take it anymore, turning to face you better as he collected himself and looked you in the eye, “Why ya always gotta tease me like that?”

You physically felt the wicked grin cross over your face, “Because it’s fun.” you said simply, slowly venturing out to tease him further as you reached out to trail your finger up and down his clothed, toned arm. “But if you don’t like it…I can stop.”

His breathing then became shaky as he nearly quivered under the small ounce of your touch, only imagining what it would be like if you touched him even more. But then it hit him that you threatened to stop playing with him as much as you were, breaking him out of his thoughts as he could still feel your touch burning through the fabric of his shirt.

“...Never said I didn’t like it…”

Your gaze looked back up at his face as your movements stopped completely, your faces only inches apart now it seemed like in such a public setting. “Are you sure…? You can be honest if you don’t want this anymore.” you teased again.

He almost caught himself groaning again as you stopped touching him, not even imagining any scenario where he could ever say no to you. In fact, all of this was just slowly feeding more into the desire and lust that continued to build.

“No, no…I want this.” he assured quickly, in fear that you would completely pull away if he didn’t answer you fast enough.

Seeing him near his breaking point, so close to dangling over the edge, you wondered if you could get him to admit it out loud. You fully took your hand away then, leaning in further to whisper. “Tell me what you want.”

Daryl’s mind goes on some kind of frenzy as he could only think of you. Your voice, your touch, everything. He only wanted you.

“I want you…” he finally broke.

Though upon hearing his answer, he saw your eyes forming into almost sympathy as you stared at him, similar in the way he looked at you when you confessed your feelings for him. “Oh…but you know that’s not allowed.” he hears you say with a sigh.

All logical reason leaves the man’s mind in an instant it seems like as he watched you deny him, feeling as if you were going to pull away fully and reject him for good. He felt defeated as all he wanted now was for you to give it up, stop toying with him and finally give in to let him have you. He learned his lesson, that much was certain, now all he needed to do was convince you somehow.

“Please…”

The moment you heard his plea, you nearly shivered in anticipation seeing how much he was falling apart now, not being able to handle it anymore. But still, you didn’t cave right away. “You said I was too young.” you gently reminded him.

“I don’t care.” he whispers without a second thought, his voice barely being able to come out at all. He found he didn’t care anymore, all he could think about was you. How much he wanted you, needed you. Now.

Your eyes widen in the smallest bit of surprise at his sudden desperateness, “But you do care. You told me so yourself.”

He shakes his head almost frantically, “No, no, that was then. This is now. Nobody even needs to know…we can keep it between us…”

Shock is evident on your features at his suggestion, something about it making you want to finally give it up and give into his requests. That is what you were trying to do since the beginning, making him realize how much he truly wanted you, and now you had it. All you had to do was say the word.

He sees the look of consideration on your face, a feeling of hope filling his chest as he leans closer to you, “Please…” he whispered once more.

You swallowed a bit thickly as your prepared to open your mouth to respond to him, but another voice quickly cut into the silence between you two, causing Daryl to practically jump away from you suddenly as if he was just burned.

“Y/N!” Carol’s voice called out as she approached, completely oblivious to what was just happening moments ago, “Come on, there’s some new people I want you to meet.” she said eagerly as she took you by the arm, and dragging you away from the man.

Daryl huffed in irritation as he watched you get pulled away, collecting himself quickly as he looked around and licked his lips in annoyance. The older man was now just stuck there alone as you were taken elsewhere, left to ponder over the things that was said between you two. It’s almost a painful fate he was placed in, but yet it’s the one he deserved for playing along with you in the first place.

~ Thanks for reading!

Part 2!

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queerfables · 5 months

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'Wilson' as an episode fucking slaps. I'm obsessed with Wilson's complete lack of boundaries and I'm obsessed with the way he acts out to express resentment while still being completely incapable of saying no. He gave a patient part of his liver!! The man is in no way hinged.

For all the emphasis that gets placed on Wilson's failed marriages and infidelity, we don't ever actually see it directly on screen. This is a narrative choice I love, for the record. We see Wilson's relationships through House's eyes and it allows us to understand Wilson as a deeply flawed person without ever making him unlikable, because Wilson's flaws and contradictions are what make him irresistible to House. It's so effective, the way these failed relationships say so much about Wilson's character while being constructed largely out of inference.

In this episode, though, we watch his inability to self advocate play out in real time, and I guarantee that this is what every one of his relationship meltdowns looked like from the inside. On some deep fundamental level, James Wilson doesn't believe "I don't want to" is a valid reason not to do something. You know the fantasy trope of an obedience curse, where the victim is inescapably compelled to obey other people's requests? Wilson casts that spell on his own damn self, and he'll hold true to it even to the point of violating his own bodily autonomy. When you lack boundaries like that, it becomes almost impossible to even know what you truly want, let alone to act on it. So Wilson says yes and yes and yes until it breaks him, and then he still can't say no.

When saying yes feels like surrendering to torture and saying no feels like committing murder, the only option left is escape. So Wilson goes out drinking to trash the liver he's going to donate. He gets dinner with the pretty nurse instead of going home to his wife. All of it is him scrabbling at the bars of his cage. And the irony is that the cage is unlocked, he just has to walk through the open door, and that's the last thing he could ever bring himself to do.

I'm pretty sure that when he went to Cuddy and told her his plan to donate, he wanted her to say no. She almost did! And I think she should have, because her first impulse was right, it is insane. Unfortunately this is the Insane Lack of Boundaries Hospital, and she can't actually be expected to guess when her employee's mouth is saying yes but his eyes are saying dear god no. By the rules of universe that House MD operates within, this doesn't even break a 7 on the "unhinged measures to save a patient" scale, and Wilson invoked the power of friendship. What was she supposed to do?

And through all of this, House is the person Wilson lashes out at. I love, love, love that House is the person Wilson lashes out at. Wilson can't even admit to himself that he's angry about the position he's in. How can he be angry when he's the reason the patient needs a new liver? But House sees right to the heart of everything going on with him, and he says all the things Wilson wants to be true and can't afford to believe. Because if he lets himself believe this wasn't his fault then he might not be able to say yes. And he's going to say yes. And he hates that he's going to say yes. And he hates that House knows he's going to say yes.

So he gets angry with House, because it's safe to get angry with House. He lashes out, because with House, he can. He tells House he's wrong about him, and demands House move out, and that's not at all what he really wants but he feels helpless and coerced and he desperately needs to exercise some kind of control over his own life. The fact that he can let go like this with House is in part about knowing House isn't ever going to leave him - the closeness of their relationship is always defined by what Wilson wants, House has never once pushed Wilson away and fights to reconcile when Wilson wants distance. But it's also about knowing that he can't hurt House by setting boundaries with him. Mostly this is because House will walk right over any boundaries he considers unacceptable, but in fairness, the fact that House is kind of a terrible person is part of his appeal. If Wilson had issues around other people violating his stated wishes, House would be the last person in the world that he should have anything to do with. But Wilson's issues lie in the fear that not being compulsively available and accommodating to everyone around him might permanently fuck up the life of someone he loves. House's fucked up life is never going to be Wilson's fault and even if it was House would still kind of deserve it, so Wilson's anxious people pleasing compulsion can chill the fuck out for five minutes at a time.

I don't want to idealise, there are times in their relationship when Wilson absolutely makes fucked up sacrifices for House. I don't think it's the case that he earnestly wanted to every time. But it's also true that House brings out authenticity in Wilson that few other people manage to. House knows him. House allows him to give in to his selfish impulses without guilt and consequences, and for all the people who love the best in him, House knows and loves his worst. While Wilson is caught up in trying to bend himself into whatever shape someone else needs him to be, what House wants more than anything is the truth. For Wilson, who is so out of touch with his own desires, being an object of fascination to someone obsessed with drives and motivations must be a rush. And if we accept the throughline of this episode, it might just be the case that House's boundary pushing and obsession is something Wilson needs.

#house md #fable talks

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drdemonprince · 1 month

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I was never really certain about my transition in the way that most gatekeeping hormone prescribers and curious members of the public demand that a trans person be. I didn’t “always know” that I was not cisgender. I haven’t “always known” anything about myself. Very few truths about me have always remained true, my existence is too interpersonal, contextual, and ever-evolving for all of that. (So is most everyone else’s, I think). I don’t think that the fact I’d eventually choose to exercise my body autonomy at age 30 by taking hormones is a decision I could have foreseen when I was a child. All that I knew about being transgender when I was a kid was a fact that most children intuitively know: gender assignment was a violation of my freedom, of everyone’s freedom in fact, and it was wrong. As an infant and then a child and teenager, people kept imposing labels on me; they kept forcing me and my body into prescribed gendered boxes, and while the specific labels and boxes never really felt like the right ones, the most disturbing part about it all was the forcing. No coerced identity would have ever felt right. Children can tell when secrets are being kept from them, and when adults are restricting their choices. They notice that they and the other children are being lined up boy-girl, boy-girl, without ever being told what a girl or a boy even is. They can see their parents frowning when they reach for the doll with the shimmery hair, or climb atop the neighbor kid on the playground. Kids know that they are forbidden from sitting with their legs spread wide or flicking their wrist, and their gender illegibility is shamed in them, long before they get any answers about what gender means or where it comes from or why it’s so important that they make themselves easy to understand.

Like the cloned children in Never Let Me Go who grow up being conditioned for a life of forced organ donation, children in a cissexist society grow up conditioned to fall within certain gendered boundary lines, and by the time they learn that the reason for this is almost completely arbitrary, they can’t imagine any alternative. Not until some of them hear about gender transition and find the prospect very compelling, for some reason. You can say that reason is because some of us are inherently trans, but there’s absolutely nothing in the way of brain science, genetics research, or even sociological data to back that up. Besides, the search for a biological “reason” that people are transgender or queer runs counter to the goal of queer liberation in the long run. Science only needs to explain the existence of transgender people (or queer people more broadly) if our existence is in some way aberrant or a problem. If queerness is accepted as a form of human diversity that simply exists, then there is no need to excuse it by claiming that it is never a choice. It can be a choice, if a person wants to make it, and hopefully it satisfies them, but maybe it won’t. Freedom to choose means freedom to forever be dissatisfied, to search endlessly for more, and yes, to capable of making a mistake. I would say that viewing myself as transgender was a choice. I decided to break away from the straight, female categories to which I had been assigned, and doing so allowed me to view the legal and societal power structures that had restricted me more clearly. It helped me better understand myself. But that does not mean the actual act of breaking away was always the truest reflection of who I am. The version of me that transitioned was a person on the run — and how a person behaves, thinks, and self-conceives when they are fleeing is not a great reflection of whom they might be if they were safe. If we all lived in a world free from mandatory gender assignment, and where our bodies were not mined for meaning about the kinds of sex we liked, the clothing we should wear, the personality qualities we have, the roles we should play in society, and the connections we are allowed to form with others, who knows who each of us might be. But none of us get to live in that world, or ever gets completely free from the frameworks of heterosexuality and the gender binary. These frameworks shape every legal institution we encounter, every school we attend, every item of clothing we put on, every substance we take into our bodies, every piece of paperwork that ever gets printed about us, and every look another person ever gives us. And so we make due with rewriting and recombining those frameworks as best we can. It should come as no surprise that those us who break away from the binary have to experiment and revise how we understand ourselves quite a bit — sometimes getting things “wrong,” sometimes searching forever for the semblance of something “right.” Sometimes reveling in the “wrongness” of all the available options is kind of the point.

I wrote about my detransition, retransition, and the eternal dissatisfaction that is probably the corest truth of my identity. It's free to read or have narrated to you on my Substack.

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maxislvt · 10 months

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pls tell us more about omega!wanda x beta!nat x alpha!reader 👁👁

warnings: amab!reader (no gendered terms), smut, omegaverse, sub!reader, dom! WandaNat, pegging, voyeurism, collaring, mating claims, breeding kinks, spanking, threesomes

i said I was gonna sleep but that's nawt happening so uhhh here!

okay so similar dynamic to my usual omega!wanda fics. You're rather soft and sappy for an alpha. since you face a lot of bullying for it, you hide your identity at work and don't really pursue a relationship because you've always been told that no omega would want an alpha like you.

for this I'd like to think Wanda and Natasha are a match made in hell. they're not dating each other yet. they have feelings for each other but both of them are really dominant and lack interest in being submissive so they're hesitant to commit

They both have their eyes on you before they even figure out you're an alpha. at first it's like a game for them. the first one to take you out on a date gets to do all the nasty and inappropriate things they want to you and tease the other for not getting you first!!

however that goes out the window really fast because they realize you're really bashful and it's just too cute to keep from the other. also you tend to turn and run the second you think you'll be alone with one of them for even a second.

Wanda is subtle. the way she touches you seems so innocent and kind that you almost ignore how close she is to your crotch. You usually don't catch on to her innuendos until much later into the conversation. She never forces you to stay but something is always compelling you to stay put and listen

Natasha on the other hand is very bold and doesn't hold back. sometimes you're literally pinned down and forced to deal with all her perverted comments. you couldn't run away even if you wanted to. her intentions are very explicit and there's little room for what she wants to do with you

it only gets worse when they find out you are an alpha. mainly because their nasty little fantasies can get really explicit now but also because they know exactly how to tease you. they never push too hard, but just enough to get you worked up

you don't know that they know but after falling victim to their coordinated attempts at courting, you assumed that they guessed incorrectly about what rank you are. in an attempt to have some peace, you make this grand reveal to them and they're so unphased. in fact, they're more focused on how good your scent is more than anything.

one thing leads to another and suddenly you're sandwiched between the two of them and fucked out of your mind. they don't even let you put up another act about how alphas should behave and keep you spoiled in bed all day until you stop pouting and promise to give them a fair chance

they do make an effort to take you on nice dates and buy you actual courting gifts. they're really expensive and have a lot of thought put into them. some of them are literally just sex toys they wanna use on you at a later date. like the first thing they buy you is a vibrator and lube. the hope was that you'd be curious but too inexperienced to do it on your own and come running to them

they're very horny romantics. so their claim bites on are either layered on top of each other to make a heart or symmetrical somewhere on your body. the choice is yours but I think it'd be the same way on all three of you.

anyways, you guys are a very practical pack I feel. the three of you would love to have everything be matching and constantly do cuddle piles but it doesn't always get to happen. sometimes it's as simple as one of you is on a mission and can't do the cuddle pile. other times it's the simple fact that Wanda likes to wear pajama pants, you only sleep in shorts, and nat typically goes without pants when sleeping.

and I think that practically carries over into sex as well. in my mind Wanda and Nat are a complementary pair. Wanda is soft and Natasha is strict. That isn't to say they can't come together and spoil or tease you though.

if it's just you and nat or you and Wanda, the whole scene was likely recorded and there's a million photos of how you looked.

Wanda prefers to get you really deep into subspace and wait until you're practically leaking through your underwear before stripping you naked and filling your ass to the brim. she'll let you cum as much as you want so long as you're good and let her have fun too

Natasha likes to tease. She'll edge you for hours before she even thinks about pegging you. Nat is not above spanking you just for fun! After she's marked up your skin and left you a sticky mess, she'll spank your ass bright red until you have a hand print

80% of the time they top you together is to spoil you. it doesn't have to be a special event, but they like making you feel good together and watching you make a mess of yourself. they'll stretch your ass out with both of their straps and go for as long as they can.

The other 20% is always a punishment and not even Wanda's pampering nature can save you. If you break their rules, then you have to suffer the consequences. Since Natasha is a sadist and spanks you all the time, they get a little more creative. They fuck each other right in front of you and make you edge yourself with a simple fleshlight.

The only time they let your top is if you're in a rut and that doesn't mean you're not subbing. most of the time, you're breeding Wanda while Natasha is controlling your hips and keeping you in check via a collar.

Natasha likes to watch while you and Wanda fuck out your cycles. Maybe she'll ride you during rut if she's really horny and wants to be knotted but she prefers to watch you try and act all dominant and tough sometimes.

also their straps are enchanted and they love fucking your face. Natasha likes actually fucking your throat but Wanda just thinks you look absolutely adorable on your knees and desperate to please her.

the aftercare is always wonderful. they follow a similar routine even if they're not fucking you together because it's tailored to what they think you need most after sex. cuddles and a bath are mandatory, even if Wanda has to drag you to the bathroom with her magic. if they've tipped you together, they prefer you just go right into taking a nap but they will let you watch TV or play a videogame if they weren't too rough.

honestly they seem like the type to not even consider sex if they know you haven't eaten anything, but they still keep a few in the mini fridge just in case you need something.

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spiderpussinc · 9 months

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are the 2099 comics THAT bad in terms of racism plus other weird writing choices??? i'm starved for miguel content and would like to read the original comic run but i keep seeing the debate of the original comics being problematic and/or downright just BAD bad (not to mention miguel is supposed to have mexican heritage but he's straight up a white redhead lol)

Some people may disagree but speaking as a latinx writer; it's bad because it is racist, yes! On multiple fronts!! And beyond that, it's also bad as a complete failure of comics structure and compelling narrative.

Longpost, on readmore;

I say this as a long-time capeshit reader, as politely as possible: Miguel's comics are a *paycheck* book. As in; a series a writer does monthly to be paid for it, but with middling aspirations and downright negative characterization depending on where their mood is.

The first few issues of his 1992 run are relatively complete and well-balanced, may even trick you into thinking this story is going somewhere; but that's only because they're the /character pitch./ Ill skip to the end and tell you upfront. That 1992 series ends with the implosion of the whole "2099" line of comics (an universe that included other books, like ghost rider, doom, etc, by other writers) due to dwindling public interest and mass cancellations. The end of that run is basically meaningless, since the whole thing got retconned - and even before that a guest writer had came in and made mistaken character reveals pdavid wasnt happy with and wanted to erase before the finale. The event book that wrapped up that universe was unironically, literally called -- "2099: Manifest Destiny."

Now, I don't like Peter David's writing. I think he's obsessed with the idea of building harems out of his female characters (when he's not fridging them, or making them act ~crazy~ to further alienate them from the protagonist) and it is the kind of grueling, joyless reading experience I can only describe as making you feel Oily Inside. This goes as far as multiple stalking plotlines, the inclusion of a guest appearance from AU s/x slaver Hulk in later years, Miguel's mother being strongly implied to have been forced into conceiving him by his real dad who's the evil CEO of alchemax, general torture painporn. His broader supporting cast is so interchangeable and disposable that they were literally disposed of.

In terms of the racism; I have mentioned how he uses cultures as tokens and does 0 research whatsoever. The way it feels and the way it is deployed is through a lens of Exoticism - tourism. Miguels suit is allegedly "a dia de los muertos costume" b/c pdavid seems to think that holiday is mexican halloween. In the orig book, you'll see plenty of broken japanese and stereotypical orientalist caricatures - after killing his first love interest, pdavid introduces a japanese girl who is unironically, literally named "Xina" (that pretends to be chinese on occasion) to fill in the vacant role. Miguel himself falls right into all the usual latino stereotypes — short tempered, drug addict, sex magnet "latin lover" (this last one also applied to his brother Gabriel, who for the longest time is characterized by just Going Through A Lot Of Girlfriends). And it's kind of insane bc he's still being drawn as a deeply deeply white man, but not even that takes off the burden of the racial microagressions!!! They're the only times pdavid seems to remember that heritage! Then there's the commemorative hanging page. Since you mention the redheadedness; thats another insane thing to me. He has 0% of irish in him. His dad is Blond. Who is this man?

Most of the info in the 2099 run is either revealed to be a lie midway thru (miguel is not mr o'hara's son, nor addicted to rapture) or completely retconned away to be rewritten in new runs. Different writers have tried to come in and do miguel in other team/event books but frankly nothing stands out and most of them get marked as alternate-miguels. Unfortunately, every time marvel decided to give another shot at spider-man 2099 they also brought pdavid back. The newer books were never a success, and theyre just as filled w/ the garbage i mentioned earlier (wow! Steampunk spider-woman is given to pdavid for *ONE* issue and instantly tonguekisses gabriel before leaving, so novel. More fridging ensues. Stalking. Etc.) 2099 as an *universe* has been retconned so many times Nothing is consistent and Nothing is set on stone and frankly i think they should make it an AU separate from main canon and build a whole new world already.

The art in the 2015 + runs consists mostly of tracing, and more of that oily weird feeling applied to fem chars. Perhaps you have noticed in this entire hate review have never once spoken about Miguel's heroic plots and memorable villains --- he has none. At least nothing I can remember or distinguish. (Interchangeable, disposable, etc) There is a vague inkling of "this is an anti-stabilishment spiderman, he fights against The Public Eye, the Corporation Cops!" at the start but much like his cultural illiteracy pdavid has no real insightful politics commentary, so that dissolves into the background in time. Its all buzzwords. All of his plotlines are solved in circuitous or soap operaish extradrama ways; and while some of this is present in other superhero comics, what stands out to me MOST is how utterly fucking joyless Miguel's comics are. It's like going through a slog on obligation. They genuinely gave me a headache every time.

ATSV does a great job of reinventing Miguel and rebuilding the parts of him that showed real promise. Being a different tone-swapped spiderman, futuristic, being more on the tech-science side of crime fighting. Him being a single dad with a daughter is also new. (And he is single! There is no singular mention of marriage or a wife anywhere, he's a geneticist, multiple spider-men we see in this movie were literal clones made in tubes - i am fond of the idea he's a transmasc dad but even if you think he's cis he could have made that baby himself. Adoption is also always there.) I think its very clear ATSV didn't want to bring any of pdavids major weird shit w fem chars to the big screen on the hopes that miguel gets rebooted eventually. I think he's gay. Nobody can prove me wrong.

On that note, Steve Orlando (queer writer, also wrote for DC's midnighter/apollo) did some of the latest 2022/2023 Miguel miniseries. Another reboot! Those were "2099: Exodus" and "Spider-man 2099: Dark Genesis" - i think its campier/trying to tackle superhero plots more head on and trying to do something wide wacky cast focused at Marvel's personal request, but Miguel's future is very up in the air rn. I do really hope they reboot him into something closer to ATSV with latines at the center soon.

What I always reccomend for people curious abt miguel: read his first 3ish 1992 issues, get a general feel and close the book as soon as you feel annoyed. It won't get better. Remember none of it is canon nor has been relevant in over two decades. If you want to know the wider context of his messy chronology, check out some of the 2099 "all comics" type of youtube videos, theres some pretty easy to digest summarizations if u dont wanna waste ur time reading stuff that just got retconned again lol. Most writers now are operating on vibes and that is a freedom you should also allow yourself in your own fanwork.

Putting his panels out of context can be very funny though. (For further curiosity or tangents, there's always my meta tag)

#meta tag #asks #miguel o'hara #miguel ohara #spiderman 2099 #spiderverse #spider man: across the spider verse #atsv #my spider stuff #atsv miguel #miguel atsv #marvel comics #spiderman #itsv #2099

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myslvtwritings · 9 months

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Hi there! How are you doing?:) I've loved your writings and I'm so happy that you mentioned that you're comfortable with writing for self harm as I'm never sure if I shall request such topics or not. :(

I'd like to request sfw headcanons for Muzan and Douma when they discover that reader has got many self harm-scars(cutting)? How would they react and what would they say? I don't really care if reader is AFAB or GN but I'd say to make it GN so more people can enjoy your writing!!:)

Thank you and take your time!<3

Aw, thank you so much. I’m happy to know you are fond of my writings! thank you again for requesting.

➤ Muzan and Douma with a S/O who has self harm scars

➤ SFW headcanons

Muzan & Douma x GN!reader

•

warnings: self harm

Muzan Kibutsuji 🩸

Muzan wouldn’t know how to react at first.

He’s never dealt with anything like this before.

I mean, Muzan is in fact familiar with the concept of self harm.

He’s just never witnessed it first hand, you know?

Is in shock at first. You can’t tell because he often wears his calm expression. But he’s panicking on the inside.

Muzan is absolutely distraught to discover the scars aligned your wrists. (Fresh or old it still counts)

Then again, he honestly doesn’t know how to help at first so he asks if there is anything he can do to make you feel better.

If you don’t want to talk about it yet he will try his best to understand and not be so pushy. gives you the space you desire because he would hate to make you uncomfortable.

Doesn’t mean to be pushy about it but he’s only like that because he cares.

However, do not just expect him to drop the whole thing! Muzan wants to know everything still. he isn’t going to let this slide.

How long have you been self harming and what compelled you to commit such harmful acts upon yourself?

Is curious and wants to know everything on your mind. even if it secretly hurts him to witness you in so much pain.

He hates the fact that your beautiful skin has been damaged.

Holds you in his arms all while comforting you properly.

This is the first time you’ve seen Muzan this affectionate.

After the two of you have a heart to heart conversation about this he will force you to throw all away your blades

If your refuse he will do it for you.

Muzan is angry, not at you, just by your choices. He knows you can’t help it and that it was a former addiction but he just can’t control it.

He’s also angry with himself for not finding out sooner.

After he finds out you self harm you bet he’s going to become even more protective and keep an eye on you.

If anyone dares to upset you or point out your scars he’ll just kill them right on the spot. Even if it’s one of his uppermoons.

“My dearest, please do not ever do this to yourself again. You know that i’ll always be here for you, don’t you?”

Douma ❄️

It takes Douma awhile to find out.

Mostly because he’s so busy running the cult. His lack of emotion doesn’t make it any better either.

However, with you he feels things! Doesn’t give a fuck about his naive little followers and his duties.

Still dedicates his time to you! Whenever he is bored or not doing anything he will check up on you.

He found out while the two of you were having a cuddling session.

Douma is aware that people self harm but like Muzan he never witnessed it.

Is horrified his S/O would do such a thing.

Doesn’t understand.

He knows it won’t make it any better if he throws a conniption fit so he settles down and communicates with you about it.

He still doesn’t fully understand but do not let that mistake you for him not caring. Douma cares SO much. you may just need to explain everything to him in greater detail.

Oddly is fast at understanding? Because he feels emotions around you it makes things easier.

It breaks his heart to know his S/O would have such thoughts and hurt themselves because of it.

Douma and you throw away your blades together.

And from that moment onwards he’s never letting you out of his sight or giving you any privacy. Not even to use the restroom.

You’re sleeping with him, attending his meetings with his pitiful followers, bathing with him, etc.

Ditches his basics duties for the sake of his beloved S/O.

Douma takes care of you pretty damn well. just his only red flag is the lack of privacy.

Doesn’t give you privacy until you promise him you aren’t going to relapse again.

He just wants to look out for you and protect you from harms way:(

Mentally checks up on you everyday, asks how you’re feeling? etc!

Doesn’t care for other peoples problems in the slightest, he isn’t even listening to his followers, but with you he does as you vent to him about anything that’s on your mind.

Cradles you in his lap whenever you’re upset and gives you all the attention you need!

He loves you fiercely and doesn’t want to lose you.

Reminds you that he’s here for you and that self harming is not the answer. Honestly gives you great and genuine advice.

“My lotus, do you know how upset i would be if i lost you? Please never do such things to yourself ever again!”

A/N: If any of you out there are struggling right now i promise it gets better! As someone who used to self harm frequently who is now almost a year clean i can assure you it gets better over time. You matter and you are loved! <3

I promise i’m getting to everyone’s requests! Feel free to keep sending them in. It may take me time but i’ll make sure to do everyone’s requests in my inbox. Thank you for the overwhelming support. I appreciate you all so very much.

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noctvrnal9999 · 3 months

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Ascended Astarion, Cazador Szarr and how they are NOT alike (at all)

Some of you probably saw this coming already, that I would go out of my way to talk about the whole "Ascended Astarion is Cazador 2.0" thing because it's such a ridiculous notion. Here it is, my personal take on why I disagree.

First and foremost I will address the whole: "Oh my GOD Astarion follows the Four Rules right from the beginning!" mindset. Here they are, the rules as Vellioth passed them down onto Cazador:

First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures.

Second, thou shalt obey me in all things.

Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed.

Four, thou shalt know that thou art mine.

Rule one is pretty obvious - don't drink blood of thinking creatures. That's one of the tools Cazador used to keep his Spawn subservient and demoralized. We don't get any in-game information that Cazador went back on this rule in any instance whatsoever, seems it was very much set in stone for him. Ascended Astarion (which I will shorthand to AA from this point on) breaks this rule the moment he Ascends with his Blood Bride/Groom. Not only he gives player character his blood (willingly, I will mention), he speaks also about drinking PC's blood and they drinking his:

Already breaking the very first rule he himself had to obey for two centuries. And in-game mechanics support this of course, PC can use Bite action on anyone who is not classified as undead (like Astarion, for example, PC can freely chomp on him if they wish so).

Rule two is also obvious - Cazador compelled his Spawn through his bond as their master. That is evident in the scene where Astarion's siblings attack the camp:

They have no choice but to obey Cazador's command even if they struggle. The only reason Astarion is free because of the tadpole. We could apply same logic to Bride/Groom PC, that Astarion cannot compel PC only because of the tadpole. However, PC can ask Astarion about this:

To which he replies:

The implication here is that he thinks he can compel PC but he's choosing not to. Now, whenever you subscribe to the theory I presented before that he can't compel PC and is lying or not, it's up to you, but if we're taking this line at face-value only it's very very clear - AA is not going to compel PC, to him it's a ridiculous idea (Why would I need to?). He trusts that PC and him are on the same page (and personally I read the second part of his sentence as being cheeky, but maybe that's just me.)

Rule three, just like first two, is simple and easy to understand - don't leave your "master" unless directed. Cazador sent out his Spawn to lure victims for two hundred years, however, Astarion, if we believe he can compel PC, is not even attempting to make PC stay by his side (or send them away, for that matter). All he says is this:

And this is in conversation about not being able to walk in the sun, which is about his newfound powers being extended to PC. Nothing in any dialogues (that I can remember) suggests that he commands PC to stay by his side. The only such dialogue option appears in the epilogue (keep in mind that epilogue was added later) and if you legitimately argue with AA (I would never do it but there's some crazies out there, stay safe xoxo) but to be completely honest you can ask for your freedom:

To which he replies:

Even if we take this as "daunting" as some people portray it to be, we still see AA acting more like a brat-tamer than a cruel master Cazador has been. Try putting these lines into Cazador's mouth and tell me they work lol.

Rule four is self explanatory. And this one we can definitely apply to AA. From the moment of Ascension he insists confirming to PC that well, they are his, but he also emphasizes that he is theirs in turn (if blood drinking line is anything to go by). Vampires by nature are possessive, it makes sense that AA feels the need to speak about it. PC is the only person he ever loved, now he's expressing that love, albeit maybe a tad intensively (according to some).

But on the flip side, where AA can be seen as possessive as Cazador, AA does 180 and shares his power and status with PC. There's an incredible amount of lines in the game where he speaks about being equals, sharing power and standing side by side, unlike Cazador.

And these are just couple from same conversation, there's so many more, but pay close attention how many times he says "we" or "you and me". PC is not just a spawn to him, not someone to be controlled but a true equal, sharing power, wealth and goals.

Which leads me to another point that needs addressing and emphasizing - AA is still a vampire, just like Cazador. Yes, these two creatures are power-hungry, that's in their nature, in any vampire's nature. I'll draw attention to the fact that even as a Spawn, Astarion is hungry for power and freedom. Once he has freedom, his goal still remains power. While Cazador's goal was to become Ascendant, AA's is well, world domination, basically. He surely has the time if not power to try and achieve that. However, this doesn't make him "just like" his former master, it just makes him a vampire.

And let's not forget that even before becoming a vampire Astarion was already power-hungry, which is clear from his choice of career as a Magistrate. Albeit a far shout from world domination, he still sought positions of power even while alive.

So to summarize before this becomes too lengthy - AA is simply a vampire. Not a reflection of his former master. They share some traits because they belong to same caste by the end of Astarion's personal quest, but that doesn't make him any more similar to Cazador than any other Vampire Lord or even Strahd.

Simply put - AA is a monster. Vampires are classified as monsters and they are Lawfully Evil aligned in DnD. Just because he has unpleasant traits, it doesn't mean he took them from Cazador. It just means that he has unpleasant traits. Make the man accountable for his own flaws (or just generic vampire traits), after all, as Ascendant, I'm sure he take it :)

#lord astarion #ascended astarion #thots and prayers.tm

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shakesqueers13 · 7 months

Text

Looking beyond the traditional interpretation of Ophelia’s Death:

Okay, @wokecola !

So, I wasn’t sure how to answer this at first because Ophelia has been analyzed so much, I wasn’t sure I had anything to break down that you wouldn’t be able to read somewhere else. But then! I was reading an article about the parallels between Anna Karenina and Ophelia (as they are similar characters - I will link the article), and this article opened my eyes to something I have never realized before in all the times I’ve read the play.

Shakespeare never explicitly tells us that Ophelia killed herself.

I’m sometimes guilty of accepting traditional interpretations at face value, but I was so fascinated by this point, I immediately changed my perspective on the character!

I always find Ophelia to be kind of a weak spot in the masterpiece that is Hamlet. She’s so, so strong in the first couple of acts. I dearly love her first scene with Laertes, and in many versions, her non-verbal blocking with Hamlet can make their relationship quite compelling. However, post-Polonius’s death, I struggle to connect with her grief. The best Ophelia I’ve seen is probably Jessica Brown Findlay in Andrew Scott’s production, but even the best Ophelia can’t overcome the stilted, awkward flowers scene, and the difficulty of singing madly on stage. The Public’s 2023 production’s choice to make Ophelia a singer throughout the play somewhat successfully mitigated this awkwardness, but… not entirely. This is just my opinion. But I’m always a bit taken out of the action when I hear Ophelia start to repeat ‘goodnight.’

All to say, Ophelia is an interesting case. Whereas Hamlet and Lear’s madness on stage, for example, both seem entirely natural, Ophelia’s… doesn’t. To me, at least.

But suspend your disbelief for a minute, and let me present an alternate theory.

What we know:

In act four, scene seven, Gertrude tells us that, Ophelia was making heartlands of flowers and stringing then around the trees when she “fell into the weeping brook” and continued singing in an unnatural way until her clothes got too heavy with water and pulled her “to muddy death.”

(I am obviously paraphrasing.)

But at no point does Gertrude state that Ophelia’s death was a suicide. It’s the gravediggers who suggest this, and in fact, I would argue that the grave digging scene weighs against the probability that it was a suicide, because the gravediggers specifically comment on how odd it is that she is allowed a Christian burial after taking her own life. They speculate on how else it could’ve happened.

So, if Ophelia didn’t kill herself, was it just an accident?

Well, let’s take this one step further.

I want to direct your attention to Act one, scene four, when Hamlet is pursuing his father’s ghost.

At this point, Horatio says, “What if it tempts you toward the flood, my lord? / Or to the dreadful summit of the cliff / that beetles o’er his base into the sea, / and there assume some other horrible form / which might deprive you your sovereignty of reason / and draw you into madness? Think of it.”

Okay. So. Do you see where I’m going with this?

Horatio is afraid that the ghost of Hamlet’s father will lure him into a body of water and drown him, or drive him to madness.

And what exactly happened to Ophelia again…?

Obviously this isn’t a watertight (heh) argument/analysis, but I think it’s fascinating!

Shakespeare, as we know, does everything for a reason. And Horatio’s fear is… specific. It’s very specific. Maybe he had knowledge of something like this happening before. Hell, maybe the ghost heard him and took inspiration.

My primary assertion here is that a ghost may have indirectly killed Ophelia. It may have even been the ghost of Hamlet’s father.

Additionally, Hamlet and Ophelia are, in a way, foils. When Hamlet’s father dies, he takes it out on others. When Ophelia’s father dies, she internalizes the pain and takes it out on no one but herself. Is it possible that she saw a ghost too? Is it possible that Hamlet Sr. wanted her dead?

I mean, we don’t know about Hamlet and Ophelia’s relationship before the play. Maybe Hamlet’s dad kept them apart. Maybe he didn’t approve of her.

We just don’t know.

The idea, to me, that Ophelia may have been tormented in the exact same way Hamlet was, is mind boggling and transformative.

I also love the idea that she didn’t kill herself!!

What do you think? Let’s have a discussion!

The article I referenced above:

https://www.jstor.org/stable/43909432

#shakespeare #william shakespeare #hamlet #dark academia #hamlet and horatio #academia #ask #hamlet x horatio #if we were villains #Ophelia #what was hamlet’s dad like before he died?

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mattivoda · 5 months

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This post isn’t targeted towards this person in particular but I see this same sort of tiktok come up on my timeline every couple of months and it feels me with a very specific RAGE because of how wrong it is about the core message of this show.

For those who don’t know, the music from the TikTok comes from the musical The Last Five Years, made by Jason Robert Brown. It originally opened in Chicago in 2001, then making its way to Broadway in 2002 after great reviews from critics and audiences.

the elevator pitch of the show is simple; a writer exploding with success (Jamie) and a struggling actress (Kathy) and the rise and fall of their marriage.

Normally this would be a pretty basic musical, right? However the true genius comes from one key part of its storytelling: the order at which the story is shown to you.

Jamie performs his side of the story in chronological order, from the start of the relationship ending with their divorce. Kathy, however, tells her story flipped; starting with their divorce and ending when Kathy first meets Jamie.

The two actors almost never interact on-stage, singing solo songs for every single song except for the act one ending song The Next Ten Minutes, where Jamie proposes and the two marry.

Now you might be asking: why is this important to the story? and which character was supposed to be the “bad guy” in the marriage?

If you delve into the story and look at the way the story depicts both characters’ perspectives on what happened then an obvious fact becomes clear:

Jamie is an asshole and was the main problem in the marriage. You aren’t, and never were supposed to side with him.

Throughout the show, Jamie is shown to be obsessed with his own fame, gloating about how he seems to only be able to exponentially succeed in his writing. His obsession makes him blind to the struggles of his wife, even going as far as deluding himself into thinking his wife’s struggles is simply her being jealous of his success. By the end of the show, Jamie cheats on Kathy and proceeds to blame her for not allowing him privacy.

THAT’S why the storytelling of The Last Five Years is so compelling. By only showing these characters seperate from each other, it forces us to become familiar with Jamie and Kathy as individuals rather than a couple. It allows us to see Jamie’s douchebaggery up-close and personal, with the entire first act highlighting this glaring detail and allowing us to see the consequences of this as his marriage devolve in the second act. Just the simple fact that Jamie’s story is chronological creates a beautiful dichotomy between Kathy’s frustrations, sadness and abandonment and Jamie’s cocky, happy-go-lucky success story.

Before I finish writing this and go to bed, i’d like to say I don’t blame those who hold this view for thinking this about The Last Five Years for one reason only; the only way they got to see it was the movie version.

the film adaption of The Last Five Years (2014) decided that the reason the musical worked was because “interesting timeline go brrr” and decided to keep the original timeline, but instead had both characters constantly interacting.

Instead of having this abstract deconstruction of these two characters, with both Kathy and Jamie monologuing their personal thoughts and emotions separately, they mash together and create this weird, realistic depiction of a breakup. The performances from Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan were amazing, don’t get me wrong, but these choices in the adaption rip the emotion and soul out of its inspiration and sell the corpse for $20 a viewing.

Jamie and Kathy’s marriage is a cautionary tale about what happens when you don’t listen and understand your partner. It is not a desperate attempt of a composer to appear in the right about his marriage and it shouldn’t be a sloppy retelling of a failed marriage with a quirky form of storytelling. Please please PLEASE if you agree with this original TikTok’s message just know you are so UNBELIEVABLY wrong.

tldr; you are not supposed to side with Jamie!!!! he is in the wrong!!!! that’s the whole point of the musical!!!!! don’t watch the movie it sucks and is innacurate!!!!!!! RAHHHHHHHHHHHH

#musicals #broadway #the last five years #anna kendrick #jeremy jordan #jason robert brown #music #theatre #art #essay #relationships #marriage #divorcedlife

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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 9 months

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Truly Madly Deeply | Spencer Reid

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Flufffff pure flufffff!

Author's note: This is an idea I came up with listening to Truly Madly Deeply by One Direction so do with that information what you will.

It's not proofread, so sorry for the mistakes if there are any!!

Words: 1.626

Spencer wasn’t too sure if he was awake, asleep or something in between. All he knew was that he couldn’t believe that she was there and lying next to him. It had been a couple of days since he’d last seen her, having been on a case in Tennessee that lasted a good week. It had been too long since he was able to look into her watercolor eyes, touch her soft skin and kiss her tender lips. And when he got into his apartment late last night, he hadn’t even been able to do all those things as she was fast asleep in his bed and he didn’t want to wake her.

Even though he went to bed later than her, he was awake before her. He was glad that he was. Because it meant he could watch her sleep for a moment to study her peaceful features. The sun had crept through the cracked curtains, giving her a golden glow that was akin to an angel’s halo.

It gave him time to think about the time they had spent together so far. It had been a good five months since he dared to ask her out and kiss her, he knew he had fallen for her the first time he’d laid eyes on her.

Penelope had rushed him through Derek’s front door, eager for the Boy Wonder to meet one of her best friends from back in San Francisco, the only one that had stuck by her side after her parents died, no matter how hard Penelope tried to push her away.

“Garcia, calm down, jeez,” Spencer whined, though he couldn’t help but chuckle at his friend’s enthusiasm.

Once the feisty blonde stopped the both of them in their tracks, Spencer’s eyes landed on the woman in front of him. She was beautiful. Sparkling eyes, sweet lips curled up in a smile. This was the first time Spencer actually might believe those montages on rom-coms were real where the protagonist meets their love interest and everything goes in slow-motion. That was kind of how he felt, too, seeing this woman he didn’t know yet.

“Reid, this is y/n y/l/n, my best friend from San Fran,” Penelope introduced. “Y/N/N, this is Dr. Spencer Reid, my best friend from the BAU.”

The woman reached out her hand for him to shake, which he did, a little awkwardly. “Nice to meet you, Doctor,” she’d said with that smile he would later realize was the one of the first traits he fell in love with.

That night, the two of them spent hours together. She’d ask her about the job, he’d offer her interesting statistics, she’d tell him about her own job when he asked, which in turn, asked for more compelling insights from the genius.

It was safe to say Penelope had acted as cupid that night. She knew the two of them would hit it off and she was very soon proven right when Spencer finally asked her out a couple weeks after casual hang-outs with or without Pen, which neither of them counted as dates anyway.

Looking at y/n’s lips as she slept, Spencer was reminded of that first date. He’d spent days, weeks, trying to steal a kiss during the non-dates that he had no other choice than to go for it when he’d dropped her off after their dinner-and-movie-date. He’d spent sleepless nights and daydreams just picturing how he’d kiss her for the first time. When it finally happened, it exceeded all expectations.

He was the underdog who finally got the girl.

And now he wanted to shout it off the rooftops, tell it to the world.

Spencer snapped up from his daydream when the girl next to him began to stir, her lashes fluttering against her cheeks before her eyes opened. Those beautiful colored irises landed on his face before her eyes widened, startled that someone else was in her bed. The shock resulted in her tumbling off the bed, causing Spencer to gasp.

“Y/N!”

It took her a good second before she got up from the floor and leapt onto the bed and in his arms, her lips attacking that gorgeous face she had missed so much. Spencer couldn’t help the giggles erupting from his throat. The blissful sound was quickly being captured by Y/N’s lips as she kissed him deeply.

“When did you get back?” y/n asked when she finally settled in his lap.

With his arms tightly wound around her waist, Spencer pulled her closer and rested against the headboard. Her fingers played with the soft curls at the nape of his neck. She relished the feeling of his soft locks between her fingertips.

“Last night,” he said and kissed her neck. “You were fast asleep, so I didn’t want to wake you.”

Y/N pouted. “You should have. Would’ve spared me a bruised thigh,” she chuckled and Spencer carefully rubbed her thigh. “I’m glad you’re back though. How was the case? Did you catch the bad guy?”

Every time Spencer got back from a case, this was how it went. They’d spent a good few hours on their debrief. Spencer would tell her about the case and the people he met and the things he learned before y/n told him about the days she’d spent without him.

“You hungry?” Spencer then asked once both of them were caught up to date with the other’s life.

Y/N hummed as she nodded her head in response. Spencer nodded too before kissing her chastly and carefully pushing her off his lap and back in the bed.

“Stay here,” he ordered sweetly and kissed her once more before padding out of the bedroom. Pretty shortly after, he returned with a tray filled with coffee and granola, y/n’s usual breakfast. He knew she wouldn’t want him to spend too long in the kitchen making her a big breakfast, so granola it was.

As the two of them ate, they chatted about whatever they needed or wanted to tell the other and once they were done, Spencer placed the tray on the floor next to the bed, just so the two of them could crawl under the covers again. Their limbs were perfectly entwined as their bodies slotted together, chests pressed together.

Spencer couldn’t help but stare into her eyes. He needed to remember this moment, remember every speck of color in her irises and every single scar and freckle on her face. He needed this sight engraved on his brain. Just so he could take it with him when he left her the next time.

“Penny for your thoughts, Doctor?” Y/N’s voice was barely over a whisper.

Spencer smiled as his fingers stroked a strand of hair away from her forehead. “I-I was just thinking that I wish I could freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this forever. Just so I could put today, right now, back on replay and just keep reliving it,” he sighed dreamily. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, my love,” y/n whispered back.

“I’m always glad I can find you in my bed when I return from a case,” he told her honestly whilst his hand moved over to her back, drawing soothing patterns into her soft skin. It was soothing for her, but mostly for him as it made him remember he wasn’t dreaming that he had her in his arms. “Whenever I’ve been away, I-I’m always kinda scared I’m just another casualty, that you’d-you’d get up and leave because I’ve been gone so long… It might not mean that much to you, that you sleep in my bed when I’m gone. But it means everything to me… Everything.”

With a soft smile and tears lining her eyes, y/n leaned in and pressed her lips to his in a soft, yet sensual kiss. In doing so, she hoped she could convey all of her feelings in one movement. “You wanna know why I sleep in your apartment when you’re gone?”

“Why?” he replied, though he already had a hunch.

“Because it soothes me. I always get so anxious when you’re away, scared something’s gonna happen to you, and then I come here and I just… I feel grounded, I feel– I feel closer to you in a way. It’s tragic, I know,” she let out a chuckle, her eyes averting from his for a moment, only to bring them back up when he was quiet for too long. His lips were curled in the most tender smile while his eyes looked at her in admiration. “What?” she asked, giggling sheepishly.

“I have foolishly, completely fallen in love with you,” he whispered as though it was a secret. “Somehow, you kicked all my walls in, in the span of five months, something the team haven’t even been able to do over the last seven years.”

Smiling widely with her cheeks heating in the process, y/n coyly played it off. “What can I say? I have a gift.”

Spencer couldn’t help but let out a laugh at her words, simultaneously pulling her even closer into him. “Can you promise me something, baby?” he asked and she simply nodded her head in response, curious as to what he was going to ask. “Say you’ll always keep me truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you.”

“Only if you’ll keep me truly madly, crazy, deeply in love with you,” she shot back with a smile.

Mirroring her smile, Spencer nodded his head before kissing her deeply and slowly.

At that moment, Spencer knew for sure that he was wide awake, no matter how much it felt like he was still dreaming.

Everything taglist: @calamitykatyy@littlemissaddict@n0wornever@wanniiieeee@unnowhatthisistbh

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds

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edenhasfeelings · 1 month

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The Death of Media Literacy, Religion, Misogyny, and Cognitive Dissonance

Spoilers for Dune Part 1 and 2 and the Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

I'll admit, I have not read the Dune books yet, but I am a huge fan of the Dune movies. Not only did Denis Villeneuve just make two incredible, epic movies with a lot of nuance, gorgeous visuals, and an incredible score by Hans Zimmer, but the story itself is really compelling for a lot of reasons. My mother had tried to get me into Dune when I was younger, but at the time it wasn't my thing. I really liked Part 1, but Part 2 was something else entirely. I was gripping my seat the whole time, genuinely enthralled by everything happening. But I came out of the theatre with one definite conclusion: Paul Atredies is not a hero. I shared my thoughts in the car, and while my boyfriend agreed with me and my father had no opinion, my mother adamantly refused. She read the first book in college, and loved the 1984 version of the film (watching that, in my opinion, was like slow cooking your eyeballs over a campfire, but it was cool for the time period I guess). She was insistent he was the hero, and then tried to say that they changed the story to make him seem more like a villain, but he wasn't in the first book.

No hate to my mom, it's been a long while since she read the first book, and me and her are going to actually read the whole series soon. From my understanding and the research I've done, Frank Herbert wrote Dune as a cautionary tale against white saviorism and a commentary about America stealing oil from Middle Eastern countries and their subsequent colonization. I've also heard it was meant to be a standalone originally, but because people were portraying Paul Atredies to be the hero so much, he then wrote Dune Messiah to further drive home the point he was originally trying to make. But even without the knowledge of the books, it was apparent to me that he was not meant to be a hero in the movies. Of course, it isn't spelled out for you, and Timothée Chalamet does have some really epic, badass moments. But one of the biggest clue that you can have to what's going on is Chani, and how she reacts. She loves Paul, and she supports him, but she doesn't support him becoming a religious figure that leads her people because she feels as though that level of fervent religion is dangerous and not right; she says that a born and raised Fremen should be the one to free their people. You also see a huge shift from how Paul acts in the first movie and the first part of the second movie to how he acts after he drinks the Water of Life. In the first movie and first part of the second, he refuses to fulfill any prophecy, and tells them that he is not the one they are looking for. He is only wanting one thing: to avenge his father and his house. He even gets into an argument with his mother, Jessica, and he tells her that the Bene Gesserit were the ones to perpetuate this prophecy for their own gain. He knows it isn't real, and that it isn't divine, and that he was raised by Jessica to fit the qualifications for this prophecy for her own gain and the gain of her order. He knows what will happen if he takes up the mantle of Lisan al-Gaib: holy war spreading across the galaxy in his name. But when he feels like he has no other choice but to drink the Water to rally the Fremen to fight the Harkonnens, things instantly change. He becomes arrogant and demanding and self-confident, completely uncaring of how Chani feels and becoming solely focused on becoming Emperor. The line "lead them to paradise" felt really, really gross upon delivery, partly due to Hans Zimmer's masterful score. It feels damning.

While looking like a white savior story at very simplistic face value, Dune: Part Two is in fact a critique of it, even without the addition of Dune Messiah. The other big thing that the movie critiques is religion, especially blind faith at the cost of your critical thinking skills, religious fanaticism and idolization, and how religion is taken advantage of by people in power or people who want to be in power. Now I've seen a lot of tone deaf critiques of Dune, and a lot of ignorant comments made, usually in regards to the racial and political elements of the story. I have also seen a lot of people who get it and were able to help me expand my reasoning for the feeling of wrongness I got from people thinking Paul is a hero. But nothing compares to the TikTok I saw today. Someone blended the audio of Timothée Chalamet's Wonka character introducing himself, with the scene after Paul drinks the Water and goes to rally the Fremen to fight for his cause. The first image in the slideshow was an image of Wonka with the caption "Being raised in a religious household and calling yourself 'a Christian'." The second slide shows Paul in the midst of his religious fanaticism in the movie, with the caption "After being born again and having your entire worldview change." Absolutely no hate to this creator if you know who I'm talking about, but this video quite honestly had me gagged, for lack of a better term. I was absolutely shocked at not just the usual lack of media literacy that revolves around this movie and so many others, but the fact that they were so far gone from the point of the movie and Paul's character entirely that they thought it was a good idea to post that online in reference to their own faith. Paul Atredies took advantage of a prophecy that he knew was engineered to control the Fremen to do exactly what the Harkonnens wanted to do, just in a different font. His intentions might have been good to start, but ultimately, because of Jessica and the Bene Gesserit (specifically the Reverend Mother, as she talks to him in his visions and pushes him forward), who he realizes he is being manipulated by, he ends up where he is: a religious idol who (Spoiler for Dune Messiah) leads 61 billion souls "to paradise" and causes irreparable damage to the galaxy.

As someone who was raised Christian, I can tell you without a doubt that religion in general, but especially Christianity, can heavily damage your critical thinking skills and media literacy. When you look at everything from the lens of, "Ok but how does this piece of media validate my feelings and beliefs regardless of intention, subtext, or true meaning?" you end up falling into some really dangerous territory. Paul is not meant to be venerated in any way, shape, or form. He's a badass character and Timothée Chalamet did an excellent job portraying him, but you should not be comparing yourself to him, especially in the context of your religious journey. That is incredibly dangerous as you then shut your eyes to the true message of the story: white saviorism is bad, colonialism is bad, exploiting entire peoples for resources of any kind is bad, and spreading and using religion to control people is bad. Of course if you phrased bluntly any of these things to religious people they would (probably) agree that those are bad things. But when you put it into the context of film/literature/music/etc, and then you have no one spelling things out for you like you're used to people doing for you in your religion, and you've already tossed your critical thinking skills out the window in order to avoid doubting your faith, you end up supporting and turning a blind eye to the bad things that you would otherwise disagree with if it was made simple for you. Even if you have no ill intention, even though it was just a silly TikTok, the ease in which people delude themselves by refusing to look any deeper into media causes such mass amounts of complacency and allows history to repeat itself. It is repeating itself right now. When we learn about the Holocaust in school, everyone would say that if they were Germans living in Germany, they would have opposed the genocide of the Jewish, Romani, and queer people during WWII. But here we are, watching the genocide of the Palestinian people live on our phones, and yet people are still sitting in denial and complacency, and often using the Bible and religion as an excuse for why its' ok.

Steering away from the topic of religion, another clear example of media illiteracy recently was The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. I both read the book and saw the movie (full book review posted on my book review blog @385bookreviews). While in the book you get Coriolanus' raw thoughts and it is made more obvious that he is not a good person even without the influence of Dr. Gaul, the movie still does a really good job of showing his decline into the person we see in The Hunger Games trilogy. And yet somehow, even with the context of the first three Hunger Games books (and the four movies), somehow people were still painting Coriolanus as the misunderstood good guy of the story. The latent misogyny that came out of so many people, especially women and girls who claim to be feminists, by saying Lucy Gray was manipulative and everything was her fault, was honestly appalling to watch. There is always room for personal interpretation of media, however that is widely different from purposefully ignoring canon information and editing the text to adhere to your own cognitive dissonance. This can once again come back to religion, as I believe people of every organized religion also practice this habit of picking and choosing whatever they want from their holy texts and then conveniently excusing the rest of it. Media illiteracy is shown in another way with the Hunger Games series fans as well. A lot of people can go to the movies or read the books and root for the rebelling protagonist and recognize perfectly the plot of the story: government bad, so good people rebel and fight for their freedom, and those are our heroes. And yet these same people will then turn around and ignore genocide because "the oppressed people attacked first, they should have stayed peaceful".

While not all media reflects real life, or is meant to be taken as seriously, The Hunger Games and Dune are definitely not two of those series. By ignoring the context and subtext and purely engaging with things as fiction, and then ignoring the real life applications and implications of the work, we are being purposefully and consensually blinded and allowing ourselves to become mindless cogs in a capitalist machine. We all need to learn to think for ourselves, now more than ever, and that starts with our media consumption.

#dune #dune movie #dune part 1 #dune part 2 #dune part one #dune part two #media literacy #the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #deconstructing christianity #exvangelical #cognitive dissonance #pro palestine #free palestine #free gaza

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moments-on-film · 8 months

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Moments on Film: Carmen Berzatto and Connell Waldron - Character Analysis

For the past few weeks, I’ve been a lot quieter on this site, and my analysis of The Bear, and that’s because I have been deeply engrossed in finally watching Normal People. I realize the show came out in 2020, but for whatever reason, I missed it when it was first released. Knowing that Paul Mescal has multiple films on the current/upcoming film festival circuit, All of Us Strangers, and Foe, the first of which, already garnering stellar reviews, and the latter, based on a sci-fi book of the same name, which I read and enjoyed, I decided to watch this piece of work from his oeuvre so I can better assess his range.

To put it simply, I found Normal People very compelling, moving, and heartbreaking. The acting from the two main characters is stellar. One of the other things I noticed, are the seemingly endless connections to the main characters in The Bear—in particular, Connell Waldron and Carmen Berzatto. Although these characters are different and a world apart, one in Chicago, Illinois and one in Sligo, Ireland, watching this show was like viewing many of the same problems through another character’s eyes.

On the surface, there are so many obvious similarities, (like the fact that they both religiously wear a chain necklace, Connell’s silver, and Carmy’s gold), but underneath there are multiple traits, insecurities, weaknesses, strengths, and patterns of behavior that stood out so clearly to me that I felt compelled to start writing this piece. In my opinion, both The Bear and Normal People are coming of age stories, because both feature multiple protagonists who are on a journey to discover who they really are and what actually brings them purpose, peace, fulfilment and joy. In a prior piece, I analyzed why I believe Carmy Doesn’t Know Who He Is Yet, and while the reasons may be different, the same is true for Connell Waldron. Below are several examples I noticed of the shared similarities between Carmy and Connell.

Please note: If you watch The Bear, but not Normal People, or vice versa, and you want/plan to, heart this post and come back to it after viewing to avoid major spoilers. If this doesn’t bother you, please, read on, and thank you, but I wanted to give fair warning. 🧡

Communication

Both Carmy and Connell struggle with this desperately. In The Bear, Carmy has trouble putting words to feelings, but he has them, he feels very deeply. In Normal People, Connell struggles to identify what he is feeling. These issues cause both of them, and the people in their lives, so much pain and suffering. Carmy’s life of abuse and trauma has forced him to stifle how he feels about situations he’s in, placate and appease others, and silence himself. In 1x6, Carmy tells his sister Natalie, “most of the time, I feel sort of trapped, because I can’t describe how I’m feeling.” Connell, on the other hand, is so worried about what others will think of him and his choices that he denies his true feelings, to the point where he often can’t even identify them himself. In 1x2 Connell tells Marianne that he struggles to know what he feels, “I might look back on something and think how I felt at the time, but, when it’s happening I never have any idea.” There are so many moments in both stories where one or two sentences would save them and their loved ones a world of hurt, but neither one is capable in several key moments that really count.

Crippling Indecision

Both characters suffer from this. In S2 of The Bear, Carmy is trying to straddle building his dream restaurant, and being in a relationship that is pulling him from everything he needs to be doing to open it. In 2x8, Sydney tells Carmy, “I just think you need to decide...” I have read much into this line because, due to his past, there are so many questions in Carmy’s life that he’s never been allowed to/allowed himself to explore enough to answer. In Normal People, Connell starts out not even knowing what he wants to study in college. He only comes to a decision when Marianne tells him very clearly what makes the most sense, based on her observations, and she’s right. Both of them look to the women in their lives go help them make key decisions.

Talent for Their Craft—with Barriers

Carmen is a talented and award winning chef. Before he’s left The Beef in his brother’s will, he conquered the world of fine dining. He’s risen to the top of his profession. He was even awarded the James Beard Rising Star Chef award from his time as a chef at Fairest Creatures, in Malibu and retained 3 Michelin Stars as CDC of Eleven Madison Park in New York. However, in S2, he struggles with crafting the menu for the new iteration of The Beef, The Bear. He’s torn between incorporating nostalgic dishes from his past, and new forward moving dishes created in partnership with Sydney. Connell is a talented student and sports player when we first meet him, and he goes on to be a “star” student at Trinity College, in Dublin, recipient of a prestigious scholarship, and editor of the publication of the literary society. However, in his work, (at times), as in his life, both suffer from his lack of communication. He receives a letter in response to a short story he submits that says his work “lacked a clear voice and confidence.” This problem affects all areas of his life, not just his professional one. Both Carmy and Connell’s work suffers because of their personal issues which they have yet to work out.

Soulmates

The relationships between Carmen and Sydney and Connell and Marianne have many parallels. Both couples (yes, couples) trust and confide in each other exclusively. They are each other’s confidant, and safe place. This gets tested for each couple when they are not truly honest with themselves about what the other means to them and when they let outside forces mess with their cosmic connection. Carmy ends up going out with Claire, partly due to the outside pressure from his family. Connell has a beautiful budding relationship with Marianne in the beginning of the show, but capitulates to outside pressure from his group of friends to do what is expected of him and be with the popular, but mean, Rachel. When he does this, it illicited the exact same response from me as when Carmy ditched Sydney to help Claire run an errand. Both moments had me yelling at my TV, “what are you DOING?! How could you do this to her?!” The thing is, both sets of characters have such a magnetic pull on each other, that outside forces can only penetrate for so long. Their paths are deeply intertwined. Carmy essentially asks Sydney to join him in opening a restaurant, and Sydney says yes. Marianne effectively asks Connell to join her at Trinity College, and he says yes. Both decisions will advance their relationships, personally and professionally. I must note that I don’t believe either ask is selfish. Carmy sees Sydney has talents and skills that compliment if not exceed his, and he wants her to shine. Marianne sees Connell’s talent and passion for English and knows Trinity is the best school. Another beautiful parallel is the fact that they are so deeply connected they they can literally read each other’s minds. Carmy and Sydney regularly start and finish each other’s sentences. They think alike, they dress alike. Carmy selects a chef coat for Sydney that could have been designed by her. In Normal People, Connell actually tells Marianne, “you know sometimes I felt like I could read your mind…..but I don’t know…maybe that’s normal.” Marianne stares at him deeply and pauses before saying “it’s not.” And it isn’t. These two sets of characters have a connection that is unique, special, and written in the stars.

Wasting Time with the Wrong People

Both Carmy and Connell go through trying to force relationships with other people that are just not right for them. Marianne does this too. We have not seen this yet from Sydney, but we may, as the show (hopefully) goes on. Carmy, for a variety of reasons, tries to be in a relationship with Claire. Early on, Connell succumbs to pressure to be linked with Rachel, who he doesn’t even like. Later in the show, he is in a placid and passionless relationship with Helen Brophy. Both Claire and Helen are or will be Doctors. Claire is in her last few months of residency, and Helen is at Trinity studying medicine. Neither woman is right for Carmy or Connell, which pulls them from their respective soulmates.

People Pleasing and Trouble Saying No

Carmy’s abusive upbringing has made him a people pleaser to some extent. He has had the completely arduous task of literally being in charge of managing his mother’s emotions and mood swings, as well as his brother’s. He doesn’t want to rock the boat or make people upset. This makes him say yes to people and situations he may not actually agree with and is another reason why he has trouble expressing his feelings and what he wants. This is a reason why he drops his work and Sydney to please Claire when she asks for a favor. Connell, from what we know, has a loving mother, but he is an only child and has no father, and seeks outside validation from friends. He’s very aware that his relationships are conditional and he very much goes along to get along, much to his detriment. An early example of this is when Rob asks to copy his French homework and he hands over all of his hard work without question. In the background of this scene, you can hear another character ask someone else for theirs and they give an unshakeable, “no.” Carmen and Connell struggle with boundaries that would protect them because they don’t want to risk making people upset.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

Both suffer from this. Actually both shows do an excellent job at uplifting the struggles of mental health, particularly for young men. Among other things, Carmen has undiagnosed PTSD from his trauma that manifests in sleep walking nightmares and severe panic attacks. When panic overtakes him, he literally is gripped in its clutches, and can barely breathe or move. The first time we witness him having a panic attack, it’s because he gets a phone call from someone asking for his brother who doesn’t know he has died by suicide. He gets so shaken, it impacts him physically and he has to physically remove himself from the restaurant. Connell has his first panic attack the moment he experiences just how conditional his friendships truly are. In 1x3, after he finally defends Marianne, his secret girlfriend who he loves, but is unpopular, to his friends, helps take care of her and takes her home, he shows up at school the next day and is relentlessly teased. Experiencing the way his friends will just turn on him on a dime causes him so much anxiety, he has to run to the bathroom and has a panic attack in the stalls. Connell also struggles with depression after his friend, later in the show, dies by suicide. He has a panic attack, so bad, he can’t even leave the house. Unlike Carmy (so far), Connell eventually gets treatment, and we see him start to even out emotionally. It must be said that during the final panic attack we witness Carmy endure, it is the thought of Sydney that pulls him through. Connell has treatment, but he also has the support of Marianne during his most major time of need. Both turn to these women in their lives for their strength in moments of great distress.

Al-Anon / Counseling Share Session

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

Season 1 of The Bear culminates for Carmy emotionally when he reaches a breaking point, and in an effort to get help, makes a decision to not only attend an Al-Anon meeting, but get up and share many details about his background and his brother and it becomes crystal clear how deeply his absence has and continues to impact his life. Jeremy Allen White acts this 7 minute uncut scene with his whole heart, making us feel for him in every moment. He is spilling his guts, while restraining his deep, deep trauma, sadness and pain. His eyes brim with tears the whole time, tears he has still yet to shed. In one of the final episodes of Normal People, at the recommendation of his roommate, Connell goes to a free counseling session, sits in a chair, and starts for the first time ever to truly speak his mind, including how the suicide of his friend has impacted him, what Marianne means to him, and how he hates his current station in life but feels like there’s nothing for him to go back to in his hometown. Paul Mescal, like Jeremy Allen White completely carries this scene with the power of his acting in an extreme closeup. Unlike Carmy, Connell breaks down, and his emotions gush out in free flowing sobs. Both actors make the correct decision to barely make eye contact. Sharing this much is new for them and makes them uncomfortable, so for the most part, they keep their eye-line down, but despite this, the vulnerability is palpable we can really and truly see, hear and feel all of their pain.

Coming to Terms With What They Want

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

I think the ultimate goal of both characters, Carmen and Connell, is to decide what they want, free themselves from the expectations, opinions, thoughts, or suggestions from others, and go get it. As I said, both Normal People and The Bear are coming of age stories. Both stories highlight the transformative power of love and the confidence to make choices for yourself with that knowledge that there will be someone there to love you no matter what. For Connell, it has been such a journey for him to come to terms with the fact that writing is his true calling. In the end of the show, he has the incredible opportunity to go to New York and take his place in a prestigious MFA program. At first, he is so scared to leave. Marianne is his rock and he loves her. He’s scared to leave and be alone in a strange city without support, without her. He asks her to come with him, but she knows this is a journey he needs to go on alone and she wants to stay in Ireland and live the life she’s living. She encourages him to go, and reassures him they will be ok. In The Bear, Carmy is not at this place yet. As I mentioned earlier, I have written about how at the present, Carmy doesn’t really know who is is or what he wants. However, we as an audience can see that his gentle spirit is attracted to art, drawing, and creativity. This has been beaten out of him, but I believe art is his true calling, he’s just never been allowed to pursue it. If we get more seasons of The Bear, I hope we will see Carmy have a similar breakthrough in reigniting and going after his dreams and letting go of what no longer serves him or brings him joy. I truly believe that he and Sydney will be a part of each other’s lives no matter what. In the kitchen or outside of it, in Ireland, or away, Carmen and Sydney and Connell and Marianne are connected in ways that time and space can’t break.

There are many, many other parallels to be made in both stories (which I may continue to write about). Connell and Marianne’s stories have come to an end, as Normal People was one season, and based on a book. We know where his journey takes him, but we can only speculate where else he may go, and if he and Marianne find their way back to each other. Carmy, on the other hand, is a character on a show that hopefully will have several more seasons, so his future is unclear. I just hope he can get the help he needs to heal and the strength and support to discover who he is and what brings him joy. I hope he, like Connell, mends and maintains his relationship with Sydney no matter where life takes him, especially if it leads him out of the kitchen.

Both The Bear and Normal People are at times, beautiful, tender, heartbreaking, poignant, and hopeful. They shine a brave light on what it means to be open, vulnerable, complex, flawed, trying, failing, succeeding, and most of all, human. Both series also show so beautifully how we need community and each other to raise us up, lift us out of our darker places and reach and keep reaching for light in our lives to be our truest and best selves. As Marianne tells Connell in the final episode as both she and Connell cry, “we have done so much good for one another.” I see this in Carmen, in Sydney, in Connell, in Marianne, and in so many other characters on both shows. And in this life, at the end of the day, isn’t that the most important gift? And we each have it—the ability to change someone’s life for the better.

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