Playing Translation Telephone

“Hi,” I said as the door slid open. “Captain Sunlight wants to know how your translations are going.”

Coals sighed. “They’re going. This one’s a mess.” He shook his lizardy head, brick-red scales dull in the light by the doorway. That part of the translation suite was always dim because Trrili liked looming in the shadows there.

But today she was at the workstation in the back, surrounded by glowing screens and a cloud of irritated hisses. “I think we missed a language,” she announced, snapping her pincher arms and angling her antennae into a scowl.

“What, really?” Coals asked. He ran a hand over his head, scales clicking quietly. “How many is that now?”

“Sixssss,” Trrili hissed.

Coals grumbled something I didn’t catch, and walked back over to the workstation.

Curious, I followed and let the door shut behind me. “What kind of project is this one?”

“Old records of a multi-species colonizing effort,” Coals said from his floating chair with the tail hole. “The originals are lost, and all that’s left is this jumble that’s been translated through a succession of languages, none of which they bothered to write down. And they want us to figure out what the originals actually meant.”

“Sounds tricky,” I said. Each of the screens held writing, most in languages I didn’t recognize. Some were notes in the trade language we all spoke, and I was amused to see how much swearing was in Trrili’s notes.

“It is very tricky,” Trrili agreed, jabbing a little wrist finger at the screen in the middle. “The grammar doesn’t match the words, and the idioms are an utter tar hole. It’s anyone’s guess what culture came up with some of these details.”

“I’m pretty sure the bit about rocks is a Strongarm saying,” Coals said. “It makes more sense than a Frillian interpretation.”

“Yes, fine, probably,” Trrili said with an irritated wave of her pinchers. “I’m stuck at this part that goes off on a tangent about the family arrangements of the wildlife. It’s clearly significant, and at least one layer of translation wanted to make sure the full interpretation was spelled out, but that just makes it more confusing.”

“How so?” I asked. I’d gotten the job on this ship because of my animal-care knowledge, so maybe I could offer some insights. I peered at the screen.

“This part,” Trrili said, “Is a recounting of a colonist’s experience in retrieving goods from a shuttle that crashed in a lake. The water creatures seem to have complex social arrangements, and somehow that relates to their behavior toward this particular colonist.” She folded her pinchers and leaned back, glaring at the ancient diary. “Of course this had to be written by someone disinclined to speaking clearly.”

“What kind of behavior is it?” I asked. “Are we talking mating advances, or aggressively protecting the young, or—?”

“Aggressive,” Trrili said immediately. “This word means mouth, possibly teeth specifically, and in the grammatical arrangement that it’s currently configured into, it has to be saying that the thing bit the colonist.”

Coals flipped through documents on another screen. “Do we know what the official name for the creature is?”

Trrili hissed. “Not even close. That’s what this whole tangent is: an attempt at describing it. I’d love to know if it was the original colonist or someone later who decided it would be helpful to tell us that this creature’s ancestors rejected social bonds.”

“Rejected how?” I asked.

Coals brought up another document. “I’ve got something on the legal system of the original colony. Sounds like there were multiple types of family arrangements at play. Possibly this colonist was just musing on a similarity to their own life.”

Trrili hissed. “How does that help us? I don’t see any accounts of this person’s family life, or even their species. We have no way to know if their own parents performed the socially-accepted rituals or not.”

“Wait,” I said. “Is this about the animal’s parents not doing a certain ritual? Like marriage? Is the colonist calling the fish a bastard?”

Both of my alien coworkers looked at me. Coals asked slowly, “That’s an insult in human circles, isn’t it?”

“Yes!”

Trrili threw her pinchers skyward and stalked away from the workstation. “Of course it is. You people are sentimental about everything, including reproduction. This would have been so much simpler if we’d known from the start that there was a human layer to this.”

“So what does it say?” I asked. “The colonist went into the lake to help with the crash, and got bitten by a bastard fish?”

Trrili was walking in circles hissing, so Coals scooted in front of the center screen. “Going by what we’ve figured out so far,” he said, “The colonist was trying to move salvage from the shuttle. Walking through shallow water. The water creatures were of many bright colors — it goes into detail about that, comparing them to refractive prisms and seaspray — but they kept their distance as long as the colonist kept moving. Pretty sure this part says one came in for a bite as soon as the colonist stood still. And that’s where we go off on an elaborate description of the creature’s family arrangements.”

I grinned. “‘Dear diary, today I waded through a lake and got bit by a rainbow bastard fish. Terrible experience; wouldn’t recommend.’”

Coals looked closer. “It does actually say something like that afterward,” he admitted. “There’s a suggestion that the next person to enter the water wear protective clothing.”

Over Trrili’s aggravated hissing, I said, “That colonist might have been a human.”

“Might indeed,” Coals said. He scrolled up through a page of notes. “That could actually shed some light on a couple other spots, now that you mention it.”

Trrili appeared beside us. “Bring up the part about the colony leader mating with someone’s mother.”

I laughed. “I can tell you right now that that’s an insult. The colonist is likely complaining about the boss, not describing something that actually happened.”

Coals looked at Trrili. “Told you we need an insult chart.”

Trrili tilted her head dramatically. “That’s so much work!”

“So’s this,” Coals pointed out. “How about you take another look at what we’ve got so far here, and I’ll start a list of common human insults.”

Trrili took a position in front of the screens, hissing quietly.

“I’ll be happy to help,” I said to Coals. “My people are very creative on that front.”

“So I gather,” Coals said. He scooted over to me, digital notepad at the ready. “And not one of those insults revolves around eggs. Mindblowing.”

“Well,” I said with a tip of my head. “There is the thing about teaching your grandmother to suck eggs. That’s kind of an insult.”

“What?” Coals said. “Never mind. I can tell this is going to be a long list.”

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come! And I am currently drafting a sequel!

There’s something called hepatic encephalopathy which is where something is going on with your liver that’s making your brain not work very well. Specifically there’s too much ammonia up there so now you’re very confused and disoriented. Luckily if you get rid of the ammonia, your confusion will probably resolve. The way we do this is by giving a medication called lactulose which is like drain cleaner for the human gi system. It makes you poop a lot, and it makes your poop more acidic, and you titrate the amount you take to reach a certain amount of bowel movements per day. But at the beginning, we’re not titrating that much. We are hitting you hard. It is a medical necessity that you shit your brains out.

Anyway when you come in confused and we give you a super laxative from hell to make you not confused, there’s some hmmm difficult aspects to that. Namely there is this specific point where you are still so so so so so deeply confused about what is happening, and you are also so so so so so incontinent of a particular variety of stool that is a category unto itself. And urgently needed lactulose shits—they’re just different. Imagine your least favorite part of every type of bad bowel movement, and then imagine all those things happening at once with great urgency and force. And while this is happening, you don’t know where you are or why you’re here or why you can’t stop pooping.

I’d say it’s a uniquely bad experience for literally everyone involved. But it is pretty cool when the confusion clears up and you can be like “wow. I understand where I am. I understand what’s going on. I understand why I have to take lactulose. I don’t understand why it tastes so fuckin nasty.”

[ BITE ME. ] : 1k words » LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR X FEM READER. — lucifer sees you reading dracula by bram stoker and apparently he thinks it’s one of the best things that came out of giving humans free will. so he indulges in it.

#tags. biting (obviously), vampire teeth, replication of the seductive nature of vampires, suggestive, blood sucking, blood, explicit consent

a/n. thank you so much for 100 followers! i was supposed to disclose what i wanted to do for 100 followers but i promise i pack a lot of punches! stay tuned for that post bc i will be doing a LOT of things for you personally!

mlist. request something! :>

You were completely and utterly trapped in the jaws that belonged to Lucifer Morningstar as he lifted your chin. His eyes dropped to half-mast as your neck had been exposed to him, the clean skin glowed under the odd lighting of the hotel.

“What’s that you’re reading, honey?”

It’s an amazing thing, whatever it is he’s doing to you right now. Forget the heat rising to your cheeks. Forget that you’d complied to the fact that your neck is very vulnerable in the current state he held you in; your delightful book had still been sitting open and comfortable in your lap with your hand still holding onto either side so as not to lose where you left off. And Lucifer …

Well, he kneeled before you on the bed you shared with him, but he most certainly kept that small distance from your book instead of putting it away.

He leaned back a little, and you get a good view of his striped waistcoat and the way it curved around his … well endowed chest.

He grinned. “Dracula. I like that about you.”

“Dracula?” You couldn’t help but let out a breathy chuckle. “You like Dracula about me?”

“Oh but you must know that’s no laughing matter. Dracula … is one of the best things humans have ever done with their free will. Don’t even talk to me about vampires …”

Your breath hitched. His thumb froze where it hovered over your bottom lip.

“Vampires …” he repeated in a mutter, as if to think aloud.

You scrambled to hold up the book where you could see it, seeing as Lucifer still had your jaw held high and to the side. But the way you could barely keep the book from spilling from your hands had been more than enough to give you away. Fuck, in this pathetic state, you should have been the one kneeling.

Lucifer hovered just below your jaw. His lips parted, and you shut your eyes to embrace the sensory input of his touch completely; his breath fanned and spread across your skin like casting a thick fog over an abandoned island.

“Do you want to be bitten, my love?” His lips gave the faintest flicks against your skin as he spoke. “To be tasted?”

“Maybe,” you said, and it was nearly a sigh when the way he held you was a vice. Your blood vessels ached to be invaded, to be cut off course.

“Hmmm?” He dragged out the syllable like the tease he was. Then two ends like daggers poked you, threatening to tear through your surface.

They relented soon enough, gliding down instead of sinking into your skin. Your muscles blew ice cold at the lack of a threat.

“What about now?” Your name reverberated deep in his throat, the sound caressed your ear like the sweet thing you were in Lucifer’s hands.

You knew for a fact that this couldn’t have been real. Either that, or Lucifer had reformed his teeth just for this moment, in which case, the more you thought about it the more it didn’t seem all that surprising, the way he would do anything to get you flustered.

He pressed damp kisses along your jaw and down your neck.

“I could do this aaall day, my doll,” Lucifer hummed lightly. He finally let your chin fall to its natural position, only for your eyes to fall on him. His face.

His teeth.

Sure enough, they had turned a completely straight row from cheek to cheek except for the two pointed canines—they were the only teeth that shone in the light.

“Luci …” you sighed, releasing a breath like it was a prayer.

And Lucifer was listening.

He drew closer to you, his lips inches from your own.

“Your fantasies are mine to fulfill,” Lucifer soothed, his hypnotic voice slithering to your head and plucking every coherent thought you had left. “Anything is yours for the asking, you just name it.”

“Please, bite me,” you found yourself pleading softly. You bit your lip, averting your gaze. That was sudden, even for you; your tongue flicked faster than your brain could react. “I—I need you to bite me.”

“Good girl,” Lucifer beamed as his grin returned to him, and he wasted no time as he ducked down to your neck and planted chaste kisses in a concentrated spot where your jugular sat with anticipation.

You tilted your head to the side to allow him better access, and his hand instinctively supported the side you tilted on. You allowed yourself to rest in the warmth as your shoulders eased up.

“This is going to hurt, but only for a split second,” Lucifer warned in a deep voice. “Then, I will give you nothing but pleasure.”

You gritted your teeth as lightning struck your neck and your hand tightened on his wrist. He stroked his thumb up and down your cheek, and it did well in easing the pain before the dam of rigid pain gave in and pleasure took its place—took all the places.

His tongue lapped at the wound, teeth still anchored in your neck as you felt a bit of yourself, your cells, blood, muscle strength seep out of you steadily. Your head began to spin, but your limbs fell weak at the sensation that had you on the precipice of something you couldn’t name.

Then, his teeth slipped out of your flesh as his tongue took care of the rest—the forked edges covering more ground as if to seal the wound.

“How was that?” Lucifer pulled back immediately, a bright smile incorporated his face as thin trails of blood dripped down to his chin.

Your head had still been knocking against the edges of your skull, but you managed a smile and maybe a bit of a lightheaded chuckle nonetheless. When you readjusted your legs on the bed, trouble swiped cold between your thighs. Oh, well. What were you expecting?

“Kiss me,” you said.

“Sorry?” He asked. “Honey, there’s still blood on my HMMPH—”

You engulfed him in a kiss as you pulled him by the neck and fell back against the bed. He tried to stabilize himself but it didn’t even take another minute more before both of your clothes were as good as trash on the floor.

le sserafim reaction to you doing a tiktok trend on them: le sserafim x fem! reader

authors note: i wrote this back when these trends were actually trending a few months ago. this wasn't requested but i got the idea while scrolling through tiktok and forgot to post it so here it is!

tw// VERY VERY light barely there suggestive remarks

sakura ✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚

you and your members had just gotten finished with weeks of packed schedules with little rest. finally, you were finally fixing your sleeping schedule and feeling less like a zombie and more like a human being again. your members were decompressing in their own ways like yunjin who was lost in her own world strumming on her guitar in the room beside yours. chaewon and kazuha were watching some new drama in the living room and eunchae was asleep in her room. sakura busied herself with her new hobby, crocheting, while listening to a video with her headphones on. you watched your girlfriend make her new project- a small bag made of mesh-like stitches. her brows furrowed in concentration as she tried to count her stitches in her head so not to disturb you sitting silently across from her. she assumed you were reading a new book from your online library but you were actually just watching tiktoks. after seven chapters of your novel you'd lost interest and switched to something more entertaining. you'd stumbled onto a trend of girls asking their boyfriends to hand them an orange, then asking if they'd peel it for them to see the reaction. with nothing else to do you decided to give it a try:

"kkura?" you poked your girlfriend with your socked foot and she answered without looking up from her crocheting, "yes?" you put your phone in your lap and sighed, "i want a clementine, do you know if we have any?" sakura hummed and looked up, "there's some in the kitchen inside of the refrigerator in the bottom left drawer. i just got them for you yesterday on my way home." you smiled at the mention because you didn't ask her to buy them for you yesterday, she just did it because she thought you'd enjoy them. you clasped a clip back onto one of the twists that fell into your face before you asked sweetly, "can you please get it?" without hesitation sakura nodded and said while still focusing on the hook and yarn in her hand, "gimmie one second." when she finished her row she went to get your clementine and returned with two and a paper towel.

your girlfriend sat back down and began peeling the clementines for you without you having to ask. she even pulled the little stringy parts that you hated most off and threw them away with the peels. when she handed you back the peeled fruits you asked, "why did you peel them for me?" sakura answered easily, "you don't like how the peels gets stuck under your nails so i did it. enjoy." you leaned over and kissed her cheek, "thank you, kkura." she pressed a kiss to your temple, "of course my love."

chaewon ✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚

despite being a part of gen z and being called one of the best gen z idols by fans, you were underqualified in one area: social media. you didn't even remember to check your texts let alone what was trending across different apps. the only reason you knew if something was on trend or not was because of fans or your friends teaching you. however, after being teased about it you promised yourself that you'd keep up a little more just for fun. plus, your bosses suggested it'd be good for fan service and engagement which was always a good thing. but, what wasn't a good thing was that little promise to keep up with trends resulted in you now being 'chronically online' according to yunjin. you scrolled through your for you page and watched yet another video of a woman asking her partner, "name a woman." after going down a rabbit hole of the same type of video you decided to try it out on your own girlfriend.

"baby." you shook chaewon lightly as she laid in your arms with her cheek pressed against your bare shoulder. she answered sleepily, "hmmm?" you grinned as you told her, "name a woman."

chaewon pulled away from you slightly and asked, "what do you mean?" you responded plainly, "name a woman." your girlfriend toyed with one of your box braids and asked once more in confusion, "any woman?" you clarified, "any woman." she then replied without a second thought, "han sohee." you let out a huff and tried again, "name a different woman." chaewon answered again with a different name, "bada lee." you could almost hear the smile in her voice that time and you whined, "you were supposed to say my name!" your girlfriend pulled away from you fully and told you, "you said 'name a woman' not 'name my woman'. there's a difference, you're mine."

yunjin ✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚

you were no stranger to the song water by tyla or the dance challenge that went along with it. one evening while you were on a weverse live you'd played the song after seeing people comment the title. you sang along to it and mentioned with a smirk, "i want to perform this on a stage so bad guys. i learned the dance and everything but i don't know if i'd ever be able to show you. ever since you'd randomly danced to WAP during a live a year ago, you've been monitored more than your other members. but after fans demanded for days on end you were finally allowed to post your water challenge on tiktok.

"i dunno i think you need to do it again." yunjin sat in front of you with her back against the mirror in the dance practice room. your girlfriend was acting as your camerawoman for your tiktok challenge, and she had you redo the dance nearly 15 times now. you taught her the dance earlier and she was doing it a little too well yet she insisted only you be in the video. she eyed you up and down with her gaze lingering on your rolled up tank top and sweatpants that sat low on your hips. you sighed and did the dance again along to the music before asking her, "was that one better? lemme see-" you reached for her phone and she said, "oh i wasn't recording that." your eyes widened and you asked, "wha- why not?! were you recording any of them?" yunjin shook her head and you smacked her arm, "yunjin! you had one job!" your girlfriend defended herself, "what? you can't expect me to remember what i'm supposed to do if you're shaking all that in my face." she wrapped her arms around your waist and kissed your neck but you pulled away.

you told her, "you can have me later okay? now focus!" just as you were pulling away she looped her fingers around one of the strings of beads that sat on your hips. yunjin tied a hoodie around your torso and said, "much better. now i can focus." you rolled your eyes and told her, "you're no better than a man." she waved you off, "yeah okay. just do your little dance...i'm ready now i swear."

kazuha ✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚

you knew that yunjin created a monster when she introduced your members to chipotle and not even a full day later kazuha was saying she missed it. every time she looked back through her camera roll for pictures to post she was sending her chipotle photo to the group chat saying she wanted it again. you found it hilarious because all it took was one bowl and she was already whining about how korea needed to get hip to the fast food chain.

one night after scrolling through your tiktok feed you saw a man recreate chipotle at home for his wife so you thought you'd try it for kazuha. you couldn't find all of the exact recipes but you came pretty close despite the fact that cilantro just doesn't really exist in korea. but knowing your girlfriend, she'd appreciate anything that you gave her so it was fine.

"zuha! baby come here i have something for you." you called kazuha to the kitchen where you had all of the food laid out in containers on the table. you handed her a bowl and said, "i made you chipotle." kazuha's eyes lit up and she nearly jumped over the table to tackle you into a hug. she clapped her hands together and you stood on the other side of the table to serve her your home version of chipotle. she was more than happy to post about it on weverse, showing the meal off to everyone especially knowing that her members weren't around to steal any off her plate.

Name: Blewbird Debut: Super Mario Bros. Wonder

Blewbird is weird. I mean, no duh, it's being featured on "Weird Mario Enemies," even if our blog title gets less and less fitting by the day, but I mean weirder than you'd realize by just looking at it at a glance. If you just take a quick glance at it, you might not think much of it -- just a stylized cartoon bluebird, reminiscent of The Artist Formerly Known As Twitter.

But then you look at it more closely, notice things like its black shell and brown shoes. How weirdly smooth its skin is, without even the suggestion of feathers. The fact it doesn't have wings at all. The fact these things burrow out of the ground.

Oh, and let's not forget the fact they shoot off their own beaks!

Yeah, let's not ignore the main hook of the enemy here! Blewbirds predominantly appear in the level Blewbird Roost, where they'll stand against walls and shoot out their beaks at Mario and Friends. Of course, usually their beaks end up sticking to walls across from them...

And unfurling into platforms! That's right! Blewbirds are an animal that evolved to create Platforming Challenges! Is this how they traverse all the open air in the caves they live in without wings? It's not like they can burrow everywhere!

So whatever Blewbirds are, I'm pretty sure they're not birds. Blewbirds are birds in the sense that jellyfish are fish. (A comparison I'm pretty sure I've made multiple times on the blog at this point.) But if they aren't birds, then what are they? Well, let's take another look at Blewbird without its beak...

Does it remind you of anything...?

Because it reminds me of Birdo, another character who's named after a bird for no particularly good reason whatsoever! Almost like it's all connected... But I mean, the similarities are hard to ignore -- the tube mouth optimized for shooting projectiles, the white underbelly, the weirdly smooth skin, heck, you could probably make the very bold argument that Blewbird's ponytail and Birdo's bow are connected somehow.

But wait! I'm not ending things right there, because Blewbird doesn't only have similarities to Birdo...

You see, Nintendo has connected the Birdos and Yoshis for a while now, as Mario's main Weird Dinosaur Characters, but there hasn't been an awful lot actually connecting them in-universe... until now?! For you see, I'm making the radical claim that Blewbirds are proof of a missing link species that connects the Yoshis and Birdos! Look at it! The tube mouth of Birdo. The shell and shoes of Yoshi. It's all so clear now!

Blewbirds aren't birds! They're some sort of weird dinosaur! Just like... just like... just like real birds. Hmm.

Maybe I need to rethink the point I was making with this post. Taxonomy is weird, guys.

*phone ringing*

Oh! Hold on, I need to answer that. Hello?

Hmmm... as a matter of fact, I think I am! I spent so much time talking about Yoshis and Birdos that I forgot to do this: *touches Wonder Flower to trigger Wonder Effect for the post*

During Blewbird Roost's Wonder Effect, Blewbirds will start blowing very large, very colorful bubbles! Your character can bounce on these bubbles to go *Pauline voice* ♪ High up in the sky~! ♪, but you need to be careful, since each bubble pops when you jump on it! The number of Blewbirds in the Blewbird Roost doesn't make that much of an issue, but in a Special World level where you're a Goomba who can hardly jump at all? Well... Good Luck!

That being said, this raises even more questions about Blewbird anatomy, because they blow these bubbles out of their beaks! You know, the ones they shoot off that, as far as I'm aware, aren't even part of their bodies? And in order to blow bubbles out of their beak, their mouth has been moved to the end of it! What is going on here?!

I'm not sure, but I can try to provide a relatable human analogy! Imagine if you put a Cone in your mouth, but someone nearby touched a Wonder Flower, so the Cone fused to your face and the mouth was at the end of the Cone, and you were very scared about this development so you tried to scream but only bubbles came out. We've all been there! And for the Blewbird, it's exactly like this. Hopefully now you understand!

✨already on the metatron erasure campaign™ let's fucking go✨:

*EDIT, IMPORTANT* I can't believe i even missed this...but metatron is dressed in a dark coat and (iirc) tie

we know from s1 that metatron has very little patience for aziraphale, was pro-armageddon, and at least claimed to be the voice of God (when my man is basically a glorified answerphone)

the half-and-half miracle was conducted on top of the sigil, the transportation circle through which aziraphale dialled 101-metatron in s1, and we know the miracle ended up being Very Powerful

michael doesn't seem to recognise metatron... which is odd as theyre high ranking, uriel and saraqael seem to recognise him, they've definitely met, and michael was shown in the job minisode to have pretty good recollection for job's kids' names - possible memory wipe? saw something they weren't supposed to?

says he has consumed human matter before - why would metatron have been on earth??? and know what to order in a mf café???

speaking of the café, the dialogue, about people asking for death? "No... I don't suppose they do... So predictable."not sure on what this means but 💀 fckin weirdo

refers to muriel as the dim one but still puts her in charge of a heaven sanctuary on earth? as far as we know, the only one? hmmm seems like you want a puppet metty babes

butters up aziraphale with the sweet, cosy coffee - but indicating that he barely knows him at all given that we mainly see aziraphale drinking tea

what he ordered in the café was a small dash of almond syrup, but then describes it to aziraphale as being a hefty jigger of the stuff, indicating something added? wondering if there's further significance to the laudanum poison - an opiate? planning to essentially kidnap aziraphale knowing that crowley won't come looking now?

'hmm it's nice!" "yes I should jolly well hope so" 😁

a veeeeeery faint miracle chime as the coffee is handed over and when aziraphale raises it to his mouth, but hesitates... He asks "shall i...?" And metty goes:

"DRINK IT???😠 of course🙂"

definitely History™ with crowley; crowley readily recognises him after a moment, the look metatron gave him as they left the shop was filthy, and: "ah well! always did want to go his own way... always asking damn fool questions, too!"... like i get metatron is the voice of God, but was it metatron that actually made crowley fall? does metatron have that power, not exclusively god? did metatron say it was on god's orders?

plus - metatron tells aziraphale that he can reverse falling which, to me, seems like a pretty bomb ass power... and a bit OP even for the highest Archangel of heaven, leading me to:

very low, sultry ass voice, maintaining eye contact with aziraphale - all trademarks of hypnotism (temptation?) behaviour? while aziraphale was possibly drugged?

and was the promise of getting crowley restored to heaven actually a bluff, metatron knowing the aziraphale even attempting to broach it with crowley would split them up?

"go tell your friend the good news!!" Said in a voice that makes me think metty knows it's very Bad News Bears

is the whole thing a ploy to split them up? they came together in heaven, and then again on earth; is metatron trying to solve this one by essentially making aziraphale an offer he can't refuse, but that crowley absolutely will?

why choose the lift? why not just power up the circle and go through the sunroof???

and im sorry metatron but you must realise that aziraphale is severely underqualified right💀

maybe like a character x mitsuri Kanroji like reader?

so basically misturi has pink and green hair, is very cheery and nice, has a HUGE appetite, she has almost inhuman strength a basically her muscle density is 9 times higher than the average human. And is extremely flexible hand a ribbon like katana. I think a pryo vision fits best.

I literally love your workkkkkkkk♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Awe thank you!!! <3 I had so much fun writing this!! I hope you like the characters I picked and I'll totally write others if you don't!! Sorry it took so long to finish!

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿─

{༻~Misturi Kanjiro like reader!~༺}

CW: Fluff! Sweet moments! Pet names! (Belle by Lyney and Love by Kazuha!), confirmed relationships for most of them!

(Includes: Diluc, Lyney, Albedo, Kazuha, and Wanderer!)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𑁍༄Diluc:

Your stomach growled hungrily in excitement as you stepped into the kitchen, Dilucs long red hair tied back in a messy bun while he prepared breakfast, his hands busy chopping vegetables and cooking up your favourites, just because he loved spoiling you. "Are you making what I think you're making?!" You asked excitedly, hurrying to his side to take a peek and smiling widely as the smell of delicious food hit your nostrils, making your tummy growl again in response.

"But of course and I made extra so you could have leftovers for lunch." He leaned over placing a kiss on the top of your head as you cheered and wrapped you arms around him in a celebratory hug. "Thank you!"

𑁍༄Lyney:

You had a bounce in your step as you made your way through the crowd of people, your long pink green hair tied up in sweet pigtails as your eyes focused in on the center of attention, which was Lyney and of course his assistant Lynette, the magic duo of the century. Pure joy bubbled through you while you watched the two of them perform trick after trick and the audience clap after each one, things you swore couldn't happen, but somehow he made them happen.

Then to your surprise his eyes landed on you, a mischievous smile taking place on his lips, as he addressed the group of watchers once again, "For the next trick, I'd like to pick someone from the audience! Hmmm what about you Belle, could you do the honours?" He pointed to you, your face instantly blushing red as you walked towards him, his hand gently taking yours and leaving a rainbow rose in its wake. "Could you hold this for me?" He asked, his cheeks slightly pink which made you want to giggle, he was kinda cute..."Okay!"

"Now put your hands together, rainbow rose on the inside and make sure no one can see it." You followed his directions, closing your hands around the rainbow rose and making sure there were no ways to peep at it, your whole body tingled with excitement as he spoke the magic words. "And reveal!" You pulled your hands away and suddenly your singular rose had turned into a whole bouquet, growing right in front of your eyes and bursting with all the colours of the rainbow.

"WHAT!"

𑁍༄Albedo:

"No matter what tests I try...it seems I'm unable to come up with a explanation for your inhuman strength. You're a mystery to me...a sweet adorable mystery." Albedo said softly, his bright blue eyes meeting yours as a blush spread rapidly across your face, your heart pounding harshly in your chest when he stood up and made his way to you, his hand reaching out to help you up from your seat.

"I'm not the only mysterious one Mr. Chalk prince, speaking of which! Do chalk people eat cake?" You beamed up at him, his arms wrapping around you as he placed a kiss on your forehead, a small chuckle escaping him. "Im not sure chalk people is the appropriate term...but either way, yes I eat cake." You hugged him back lifting him up slightly as you cheered, "Yay!! I have some in my bag! Let's go!"

𑁍༄Kazuha:

Fire swirled around you in brilliant orange and yellow hues, shifting and whirling in every which way with the wind as its guide, it mesmerized you to the point you were almost speechless. "Kazuha...this is so beautiful!" Your hand squeezed his tighter, your visions glowing in harmony as he hummed in delight and placed a soft kiss on your cheek. "The way wind mixes with the elements is very calming, the colours that flow with every breeze and the way it can bring vision bearers together, letting them work in harmony. It's lovely.."

You nodded happily, your eyes trained on the incredible sight all around you...

𑁍༄Wanderer:

Wanderer flashed a smirk at you, his eyes wide with excitement as you readied your weapon, the ribbon like texture of the blade making him raise an eyebrow...what the hell were you going to do with a ribbon? "You sure you don't want to back down? I won't go easy on you, even if this is sparing." His voice rang in your ears as you smiled back at him, your katana glinting in the sunlight as you held it up in his direction, "I won't back down! Just you wait!"

He chuckled and with that the match begun, the two of you shooting forward at high speed, wind blades flying mere centimeters from your face as you delicately dodged. Your body spinning slightly as you got closer, your katana swirling like a protective shield around you and yet also being sharp enough to draw blood, which became clear when the two of you parted.

The dust parting and revealing a small cut on wanderers face, his eyes absolutely shining now as he laughed maniacally, "I shouldn't have underestimated you! This is going to be fun!"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚Have a nice day*⁠.⁠✧

AU where Merlin is Arthur's familiar

Firstly, for everyone that doesn't know, in European folklore of the medieval and early modern periods, familiars were believed to be supernatural entities or spiritual guardians that would protect or assist witches and cunning folk in their practice of magic. They're almost always represented as some kind of animal, like a cat or a bird, sometimes a demon.

So, having that cleared up, how would Merlin be a familiar and how would he be Arthur's familiar of all people when Arthur isn't a sorcerer?

That's the thing, in this AU a group of evil druids or sorcerers find out about Merlin's identity earlier and his whereabouts while he is still in Ealdor. Not wanting Emry's magic to be under the command of some prophesied king and desiring that power to themselves, they kidnapped him and make a ritual to turn him into a familiar (a merlin especifically). They also erase his memory so Merlin doesn't remember he was ever human. Just when they where about to bond the bird to the sorcerer/druid leader to have Emrys magic under their command, Merlin manages to escape. He doesn't know who he is or where to go, he just knows he has to go far away from there.

Somehow, probably through his run away ordeal, familiar Merlin ends up in Camelot's castle, with an injured wing. He's chirping in pain when the young prince finds him in his yard.

Arthur: (covering his ears) Why are you making so much noise? Shut up! (looking closely) Wait! you're hurt? (picks him up carefully) I think your wing is broken. (Merlin chirps louder) Alright, alright! I'll find help. (runs as fast as he can) Gaius! Gaius!

The court physician bandages the bird's wing, but he can't take care of it due to his work, so Arthur does it. He makes a place for the bird in his room and feeds it. He tries to not get attached to it knowing the bird will have to return to its natural environment as soon as it recovers. However, after the bird's wing is healed, it doesn't want to leave, not matter how many times Arthur frees it in the forest, it always comes back, so finally Arthur decides to keep it. He has a bit of a fight with his father, because he never let Arthur have a pet, but after the bird protects the prince of a witch that was in disguise by stinging her eyes out, the king finally allows the prince to keep it. The prince, very happy, brings the bird to his chambers.

Arthur: (with Merlin in his forearm) Now the you're oficially my pet- (the bird chirps in protest) Well, my, eh... animal companion? (the bird deadpans) We'll work on that later. The point is, I should probably give you a name. (the bird moves its wings, excited) What about...bird? (the bird shakes it's head) Yeah, I've been calling you that from the start, so no. hmmm. What about falcon? Gaius says you're a falcon, though you're too small to be one, honestly. (the bird chirps, offended). I should just call you falcon or little falcon. No, it's still too long. Lil' falc? No. hmmmm. I think Gaius said you were a especific kind of falcon? How was it? Mar... Mer...Merloni? Merlon... Merlin! That was it. I'll call you Merlin.

Without knowing, Arthur just finished the last step of the ritual: naming the familiar, and with that, becoming the familiar's master. When the bond is created, a flash of light blinds him and, suddenly, the bird is replaced by a boy, who now is sitting on him, while he's spread on the floor.

Arthur: (looking up, shocked) What the fu-

Merlin: (looking down, confused) Arthur! Why are you smaller now? Wait... I can talk? (brings his hand to his face surprised) And I have... hands? Where are my wings? (panicking) Arthur, I lost my wings! And my feathers!(crying)NOOOOO!

Arthur: Merlin? That's.. you? Merlin? Mer...Merlin, shut up! (Merlin stops crying) And get off me! (shoves Merlin aside) How did this happen?

Merlin: You think I know?! Maybe that witch cursed me to be as ugly as you as a revenge for turning her blind. (sobs) My wings, my beautiful wings.

Arthur: (offended) Excuse me? Is not like you were a "handsome" bird either, you poor excuse of a falcon.

Merlin: How would you know, human with so little imagination that names his bird after their species?

After their stupid fight, they go to Gaius, in secret, of course. They can't have the king knowing the prince's bird was cursed. The physician does his investigation and, after Merlin discovers he can turn to his bird form and his human form at will and do some magic stuff, he concludes Merlin is, in fact, a familiar.

Gaius: Incredible! I thought they were a myth. It's said they're spiritual guardians of magic itself and that just the most powerful sorcerers could summond one and tamed them to become even more powerful.

Merlin: No... it can't be. I'm just a bird! I can't be a magical creature! I can't!

Arthur: (Knowing Merlin's scared due to his father laws and believes) Merlin. It's okay.

Merlin: (crying, almost hysterical) NO! I'm not a monster! I swear! I'm not evil!

Arthur: I know. Human, bird or familiar, or whatever, you're a good person. Well, a good being. Nothing is going to change that and nothing is going to happen to you, alright?

Merlin: (calms down) alright (snifs)

Arthur: But we need you to remember. Do you have any memory of you being anything but a bird?

Merlin: No, I've always been a bird. Although... (thoughtful) I don't... remember being a chick before.

Arthur: A what?!

Gaius: He means a baby bird.

Arthur: Oh, right (blushes). I knew that.

Merlin: Yeah, my very first memory is just before I came to Camelot, when... I was trap in a... cage. (he trembles at the memory) There were humans with capes, I think. They said they wanted to... control me, to had me at their mercy. I don't know what they wanted to do with me but I escaped. I thought I wouldn't make it. (with tears in his eyes) I was.. so scared.

Gaius: They must be the sorcerers that summonded you.

Merlin: Great. So not only I'm some magical entity but I'm sorcerer's slave now?

Arthur: (fiercely) You are NOT a slave! You are... ("mine" he is about to say, but stops) your own.

Merlin: (suddenly scared) What if they look for me?!

Arthur: I won't let them take you. I promise.

Gaius: And I don't think you have to worry about being some sorcerer's slave, Merlin. If you were bonded to one, you wouldn't have been able to escape in the first place.

Merlin: That means... (hopeful) I'm free?

Gaius: And in Camelot where magic is forbidden, so you're safer as you can be. You'll just have to keep pretending you're a bird, if that's not a problem with you.

Merlin: I'm completly fine with that.

Arthur: (joyful) And me! (composes himself) I mean, I like him better when he can't talk. (Merlin frowns at him)

Times goes by. At first, Merlin stays in his bird form and tries not to do magic, because, apparently he's been doing magic all this time without knowing (honestly, how was he supposed to know all the things he accidentally broke or dirt in Arthur's room were repaired and cleaned by him? He just thought Arthur has very efficient servants!). But it becomes impossible, not only because not doing magic makes him sick, but Arthur keeps running into danger time and time again, so he has to use magic to protect him. Arthur scolds him everytime he does that, he doesn't want his friend to be discover, but eventually it becomes rutine. Also, Merlin starts to take his human form more and more frecuently, because he needs Arthur to understand him, sometimes to give him a piece of his mind, to warn of some danger he finds out, or simply to cheer him up when he's sad or pass time.

Merlin: Is magic really evil? (he looks at his hands)It doesn't feel evil when I use it.

Arthur: How does it feel to you?

Merlin: It feels like... flying (he smiles and closes his eyes) So natural and beautiful, like the earth under my feet and the wind moving my feathers. And I feel it everywhere, not just inside me, but in every living thing. In every flower that blooms, every pup and chick that is born. Even in you. It's suppose to corrupt you, but instead of feeling wrong, I feel so good and... so alive.

Arthur: (looks at him for a moment, completely in love and then composes himself) I don't believe magic is evil. Not anymore.

Merlin: (open his eyes, surprised) Why's that?

Arthur: At first I thought you were an exception to the rule, but then Morgana-

Merlin: (even more surprised) She told you?!

Arthur: (just as surprised) You knew?!

Merlin: I could feel the magic inside her (he admits, guiltily). I wanted to be wrong. She's one of the kindest human I know, but then I saw her doing magic and... I just couldn't tell you. It wasn't my secret to tell, I'm sorry.

Arthur: It's alright. I understand. (he sighs) She was... so scared, Merlin. She begged not to tell my father, like I could ever do that (he laughs dryly). And she didn't learn magic, she just have it. She didn't even know she was a sorcerer until recently.

Merlin: Oh... (thoughtful) That explains a lot of things.

Arthur: What do you mean?

Merlin: Morgana isn't the only one, I think. Sometimes I fly around and I feel people with magic inside them. Some of them are evil, so I call you, but there are others that just do minor stuff, like healing spells and potions. But there are other too that… don't do magic at all and yet… the magic inside them is so strong. I thought maybe I was seing the potential of magic, but now…

Arthur: (in heavy realisation) So it's true. My father's been killing innocent people all this time.(with tears rolling down his eyes) I've been killing innocent people all this time.

Merlin: (hugging and comforting him) No! Arthur you did nothing wrong. You didn't know.

Arthur: (crying and hugging tightly in return) I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

Aaaand that's it. I don't know what else could happen. Apart of merthur getting together obviously. There would be a lot of pinning and confused feelings. Arthur first meets Merlin as a bird after all, so accepting he has a crush on his bird friend is not going to be easy. The same goes to Merlin. Lets not talk about when they both discover they're bonded and Arthur could technically control Merlin and use Merlin's magic at his will if he wanted. And I guess at some point the evil sorceress/druids would try to get Merlin back. And then Merlin finding out he was human before and has a mother in ealdor… Damn that's a lot of angst.

Anyways, I still have a couple of fics on going so I don't think I'm going to write this anytime soon... or ever. So if anyone wants to write it feel free to do it. Or just comment any ideas you have for this concept/prompt below so I can keep them in mind if I write it in the end.

EDIT: I DID A PART 2, GUYS!!! -> LINK

Sacrificed to a Dragon

  Yandere Male Half-Dragon x Gender Neutral Reader (CW: Half-dragon monster man, smut, rut cycles, a really shitty village community, dub-con, general yandere behavior) Word Count 1.3k (Once again tumblr is not allowing me to reply to a request directly with the fic as a reply to it in my blog’s inbox the request this fic is for is as follows:  “Hi! I could ask for a scenario of a female reader x yandere male half dragon? The reader is left in the dragon's cave as a sacrifice, she thinks she can get free if she tries to get along with him, but unfortunately she arrives at the time when he just happened to be in heat and was looking for a mate to breed.” Sorry that this request is gender neutral rather than female and also that it took nearly 2 months for me to finally start it! But... it's finished and it was free and I hope you like it!)   You lived in a peaceful idyllic village in a lush valley situated between large mountains. Resources were plentiful, and you were far away from any wars or strife.   Sure you wanted a bit more excitement, but all in all things were pretty damn good. Little did you know you were about to get more excitement than you knew what to do with.   One day an obsidian scaled half-dragon male, easily 9ft. tall, entered the peaceful valley and began harassing your village. Stealing livestock and crops sometimes even smashing a house or other building for seemingly no reason other than boredom.   Your community was at its wits’ end, finally the elders of your village gathered the town to discuss a solution.   It was decided after much debate that based on the old stories of dragons that they would try to offer it what food they could spare, some valuables, and a human to eat or do with as it wished and hope that it would be appeased.   It was decided without much debate at all that you should be the sacrifice. You were not too old to make a bad meal, and you had no living family in the village so no one would have to mourn you.   You were marched up to the dragon’s cave where he made his lair and made to carry a sack of gold and a basket of fruits and vegetables. You were shoved forward.   You knew there was no going back your village had abandoned you here to die, but maybe if you were super nice and helpful the dragon would allow you to leave.     The dragon was slumbering in the center of his den, lying peacefully on a large simple bed he had made stuffed with feathers and straw. His dark scales in stark contrast with his porcelain skin. You moved past him nervously, shuddering at the sight of his sharp claws, pointed teeth, and pointy horns, and entered the room you were looking for, the kitchen.   You set about cooking an amazing pork roast with a side of baked potatoes, carrots, and rolls. All food you had brought as part of his offering.   The mighty dragon arose from his nap to the smell of mouth watering food and a lot of confusion. He went into his kitchen to discover a tiny human daring to infiltrate his lair.   “And just what do you think you’re doing??” He growled menacingly at you. You shuddered as he entered the room, he was much larger up close and now that he was not curled up asleep you could see more details. He had a long slender tail, and hard shiny black scales covered him from the waste down, they also encased is arms, and framed his face. His eyes were a very pale yellow, almost white, and the pupils were similar to a cats.   “Uh, well, the village made me come here as a sacrifice. I thought maybe you’d like to wake up to food!” You control your nerves and hand him a tray full of food, averting your gaze as you hand it to him, unable to look him in the eyes.   “Hmmm… well I don’t detect any poison… not that it would work anyway…” He took the tray in one hand and grabbed your arm in the other, pulling you into his main den were he sat you beside him.   “So… what’s your name little human? I cannot just call you “mate” all the time, you probably cannot pronounce my full name, just call me Wrathyn.” The dragon hybrid took a few bites of food. “Wow this is really good!”   “I’m (Y/N)… wait, what? Did you uh, say mate??”   “Yeah, I mean that’s why you are here right? You came into my den without fear and made us food. I think you will be a good mate (Y/N)” Wrathyn went back to his food as he draped one of his large wings over you protectively.   Uh-oh, you had hoped he would let you go, you had not expected he would want you to be his partner. You definitely weren’t about to correct him though for fear he might hurt you.   “I guess I have to stop attacking your village now. That’s okay I guess, it was mostly out of from boredom and frustration from my rut cycle. But now you’re here so that won’t be a problem... Here you should eat too.” The large dragon male held his fork full of food to your mouth and once more you were too scared to tell him no so you opened your mouth and let him feed you a portion of the plate until he decided you had enough.   Wrathyn was surprisingly sweet for a large dragon hybrid that had been terrorizing your village. Maybe he really did just need a mate. You still feared him and would rather be home, but maybe it wouldn’t be sooooo terrible being here.   He came back from putting the dishes away and picked you up suddenly. Sensing your nervousness he nuzzled into your neck to calm you down.   “Don’t worry (Y/N), I won’t hurt ya! But like I said earlier, I am in rut so I really need to slide in you already~” You were pretty terrified, but honestly, what could you do. You would not fare well if you angered the owner of those pointed teeth and razor sharp claws, so you took a deep breath and tried to calm down.   Wrathyn used a single claw to slice your clothing away with ease, his large slimy cock now prodded against your hole. It looked so strange, protruding from a genital slit that you had not seen previously, it was large, pink, and moist with a tapered tip.   As scared as you were you had to admit you were pretty aroused. Being held by a muscular dragon hybrid over his inhumane cock was more thrilling than terrifying. You just hoped he would not ram it in, you were much smaller than he was.

  Luckily, he had no intention of causing you harm. His tip leaked a generous amount of precum which made his already moist member extremely slippery. That combined with the tip being so tapered made it exceedingly easy for him to slide right on in.   Wrathyn still held you in his muscular arms, one hand on your soft ass and the other supporting your back as he impaled you easily. The strong dragon moved your entire body in sync with his thrusts, pulling you down a bit on his cock with every forward movement of his hips.   He reached depths inside you far deeper than any human lover could ever hope to, and leaking out more warm slick precum all the while as he did it. It just felt so oily, warm, and lewd inside you, increasing your arousal greatly.   You started grinding your hips into him instinctually chasing your orgasm. The dragon kissed you deeply, his tongue slipping past your lips and invading your mouth. Suddenly making love like this isn’t enough for you anymore. And right on cue, as if reading your thoughts, he pinned you into a mating press.   Wrathyn began pounding into you much faster and harder, his base and primal need to mate during his rut partially taking over his rational mind. He ghosted his sharp teeth over your neck as he relentlessly dove his dick into you. The knowledge he could use those sharp teeth to end you so easily made you feel so week and vulnerable and there was something strangely titillating about it.   He came inside you deeply, unleashing a torrent of his seed into you that was much warmer than normal human cum, the sensation of being filled so completely took you over your own edge and your entire body shook as you came. You panted and went limp with exhaustion as he peppered your face and neck with a barrage of small kisses.   His cock neither left you or softened.   “So, (Y/N), ready for round two?”   Maybe being a dragon’s mate was not as easy as you had begun to think it would be...

Cuddles with a croc

I do not own the art or characters

whom: Sebek x gn!reader

TW: nsfw? if you squint hard enough

word count: 791

request: He gets turned into a camen in alchemy class, we’re one of only 3 responsible-ish people on campus, so crewl has us watch him, but doesn’t tell us what’s going on cuz he’s in a hurry. Croc in a blanket burrito, lots of Steve Irwin behavior from us and lots of kisses on the snoot, crewl takes croc back, Sebek now  gets quiet and turns bright red when we’re around lol

Thank you lovely @anunholyabomination for requesting this! I hope you like it since it's my first time writing a fanfic lol. Remember to drink lots of water and get lots of sleep so you can stay beautiful you!

================================================

It was any normal day in Alchemy class with Sebek. He was yelling at his poor partner for being an idiot and putting the wrong ingredient into the transformation potion till thick green smoke started to form. “HUMAN! WHY ARE YOU BAC-” Before poor Sebek could possibly continue destroying his classmates' ears the caldron explodes, covering the room in the thick green smoke. Slowly the smoke clears revealing a small caiman sitting where Sebek should have been standing.

Here you were peacefully sitting in Ramshackle relaxing on your very much needed day off when you heard a knock at the door. You gently move Grim off of your chest, careful not to wake the sleeping cat thing. You still had no idea what kind of species to identify Grim as. He could be a feline- aaaand now the knocking on the door is even louder and frantic. “Coming! Hold on!” You quickly responded as you rushed to open the door. You opened the door to reveal an equally tired looking Crewel holding a bundled up blanket that seemed to be emitting chirping like sounds…wait was that a caiman?! “Here pup, take care of him for me” Crewel simply shoved the bundled up caiman into your arms and leaves.

“But I don’t- sigh well I guess I’m gonna have to figure out how to take care of you myself.” You look down at the small caiman and coo at its cute little face. “Awww, you’re just a little guy~ Oh! I should totally give you a cute name to fit that little face!”. Poor Sebek, now he has to be cuddled by this human! Well maybe the cuddles won't be that bad. “Hmmm, y’know you remind me a lot of friends….plus you’re just as cute as him!” The caiman looks up at you as if he understood who you were talking about. “Your name should be like his, what about Seby?” Yuu looked into the caiman’s eyes and understood it didn’t seem to enjoy the name. “Don’t judge me! I’m bad at names…” You pout, trying to think of a name the small creature would enjoy. “What about Sebok then?” The caiman moves its head as if it was nodding. “Sebok it is!” You held Sebok close and kissed his little snoot. You had put Sebok on the couch and wrapped him up in more blankets so he would stay warm since you remembered how an Australian guy on tv had said caiman have to stay at least around 97 degrees and no more than 104 degrees. “I wonder how a caiman possibly got into NRC especially when it feels like the dead of winter out there.” You look down at Sebok and giggle when he starts to make the same chirping like sound from earlier. “I really should send a picture of your cute little face to Sebek, you’re just too adorable!” You lean down and start kissing Sebok’s little head while making exaggerated kissing sounds. Thankfully Grim was still asleep so he couldn’t see this disgustingly sweet action and get jealous. Sebok didn’t seem to mind the kisses that much, he actually seemed to enjoy them. 

A few hours passed of you showering Sebok in kisses and cuddles. “Oh my! It’s already past twelve!” You quickly pick up Sebok and the somehow still sleeping Grim and head upstairs to your room. You placed both Grim and Sebok on the bed before looking through your dresser to find some sleepwear. You start to undress and take off your undergarments so you could put on clean ones. Once you finish changing you turn around and find Sebok frozen in place. “Oh? Are you ok little one? Are you cold?” You sit down on the bed and put Sebok in your lap. “I’ll warm you up” You smile as Sebok nuzzles into your body and slowly starts to drift off. When the small caiman finally falls into a slumber you pull the covers over the two of you and slowly start to fall asleep yourself.

It has been a week since Crewel had taken Sebok from you. Even though you only took care of the caiman for a day you felt really attached to him. You also noticed how Sebek would blush when he was near you. The poor thing would always storm off while hiding his boner. Perhaps one of these days he would get rid of this burden by telling you how he feels….well of course after he’s had some fun with you in the janitor's closet or an empty classroom. If not Lilia will have to intervene so he can get the grandchildren he wants. Hm? Why did you get an invitation from Sebek to come have tea at Diasomnia?

Half way through the journey of our analyses

I feel like roughly half of the analysis I'm reading about OFMD S2 is folks who clearly fixated on a character (it's Izzy, it's always Izzy that inspires this kind of analysis) write analyses that cause the 2nd response of, "Um…did you ever study literary analysis in school."

Now I come at this from a slightly odd place in that I did study literary analysis in school (30+ years ago) where I learned it's possible to interpret anything about any way, because we're all bringing different lenses to the analysis. Which isn't to say that an author can't have an intended interpretation. 

Dante in Canto V of Inferno (Divine Comedy) would still like folks to understand fixating on the two damned-lovers and ignoring the details that the artist is putting in there for you to catch about how they are damned because they won't change the toxic patterns that got them there in the first place. Also, they can't because they are in hell, and hell is like that. That Dante-the-writer had Dante-the-character swoon over those same two damned-lovers (because Dante-the-character is on a journey of moral correction) is hilarious, but doesn't make it any less the point of that section of the work, but I digress.

As a career, I am very aware that folks love to misinterpret what is meant to be very clear instructions. Of course, I'm writing policies and procedures, which is a bit different from writing fiction, and is worlds away from creating a t.v. show. But that's the life experience that I always bring to literary analysis. Frequently, people choose their interpretations to fit what they want to see, and that's part of being human.

I've seen a fair number of folks interpret Izzy's redemption arc in S2 as one of a queer man struggling with disabilities and mental health issues whose struggle is made meaningless by his demise. Which sure, you could interpret it that way and in that it's coming from I'm sure an emotional place, I get it. And hmmm… I might give this interpretation more credence  if I hadn't read a lot of Izzy analysis for S1 that was wildly different than the text.

So let's take a step back. 

First, know the rules of the literary universe: OFMD is a show where the reality is not ours. It is either the Core Universe or something very close to it. BTW: If you've never heard of Core Universe or read the seminal BtVS+HtLJ "When Hellmouth's Collide" (https://www.ltljverse.com/index2.htm), a Core Universe is one where everything lines up. Row boats are magic, and where there is a Badminton, he will accidentally stab/shoot himself. 

Terminology more befitting of that fancy literature degree might be to say that OFMD functions along the logic of Magical Realism. Characters will appear briefly for the purposes of the story and then disappear not to be mentioned again (Nana, Calico Jack, Mary Read & Anne Bonny). Things align because they are meant to align. It is a universe where the Gravy Basket is a real place, and meant to be taken seriously.  It's also a universe where a man may become a seagull, because he loves the sea. You change for love, but the ways you change may be positive or toxic. 

They can result in a bird that never gets to know rest. Always flying over the sea. Or they lead to becoming a bird, who can float in the sea or land on a unicorn's leg. 

Transformation. 

Anyway, S1 - Stede commissioned a ship with secret passageways. It did not have a buxom mermaid on the prow, nor something more befitting a ship named the Revenge. He commissioned a unicorn prow and went off to become a pirate. 

A not particularly violent pirate. But a pirate who didn't have a problem with the violence of piracy. See Stede telling Lucius (hardest working man on the ship in S1) to take notes during a violent raid where the show's logo was literally carved into the chest of a dead man. 

BTW: The tone about violence is darker in S2, but the violence was there in S1. It was just presented in a more whimsical way. The nose jar was full of noses in S1. We heard about Blackbeard's violence. A man was skinned alive off screen, but we focused on the Prussian (but also sort of French) party. 

What Izzy needed to be redeemed from was established in S1. The problem is that folks who interpreted Izzy as a) the central focus of the show and b) a put upon manager just trying to do right by his crew (or as one Tumblerina referred to him as the man/father of the family going out to hunt - excuse me while I vomit - and support his family as men must do), are not going to understand what Izzy's S2 arc was all about. 

Ed and Stede are the main characters in a romantic story. There are other characters with their own arcs, but they are the main characters.

In S1, Stede created a safe space where characters had a chance to breathe for the first time. Possibly ever, and as a result revisited parts of themselves they'd lost. Wee John got back in touch with his roots as the son of a seamstress. Frenchie got back to what he loves, scamming the rich. The Swede sang like a siren of the sea, because it doesn't always have to be scary. 

Ed had his first good time in years. After expressing suicidal ideation to Izzy because of his terminal boredom in S1.E4 - Discomfort in a Married state, Ed found himself some balance. Some sweet marmalade. 

Ed and Izzy were in a toxic relationship that only reinforced their toxic behavior. And yes, I'm going to overuse the word toxic. While piracy is a place where you can go be yourself and shag whoever you want (whatever happens at sea stays at sea), it's not a place where you can be soft. Gentle. Emotionally open. Available. 

Ed's only path out that he could see at the time was to plan to skin the face of the man who built a ridonculous boat with a unicorn on the prow and wear it for the rest of his life. A plan to send Stede to Doggy Heaven. 

BTW: This is why Izzy uses the line in S2.E3 - the Innkeeper, that they put Ed down like a mad dog, so that Stede could reply that they sent Ed to Doggy Heaven. Reiterating this concept of piracy as violence, as taking away faces / identity / lives, but also losing one's own. Forgetting even what day of the year it is. Also revealing that Stede knew about Ed & Izzy's plan to murder him, send Stede to doggy heaven, and had moved on. 

This is also why the respite in S2.E4 - Fun and Games is so critical. Mary Read/Anne Bonney are portrayed as direct parallels to Stede/Ed. They are selling what are, no doubt, the spoils of their piracy. But they've chosen a remote location with no community, but each other and a life where they are not actually communicating. Which on its surface is where Ed and Stede end up, and yet…the Revenge can sail back. They are on the shore facing the sea, not in a jungle lost from a clear view. I'll quote the relevant Dante in just a bit, never fear.

Ed and Stede's new inn has the potential for a solid foundation, because the unicorn has been planted firmly in the ground, and if we get an S3, I firmly expect the unicorn leg to have transformed into a tree, because I've read a lot of medieval literature and that's how that sort of thing works. 

Well, it could be a penis tree (this was a thing in medieval marginalia), but somehow I don't think it will be. 

 But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Back in S1, the plan to murder Stede and take his identity broke down despite Izzy trying to perform an intervention to get Ed back into the toxic soup, and ended with Ed curled up in a bathtub and opening up about murdering his father. An image the show chose to flash on the screen multiple times in S2 just in case folks forgot that this was a traumatizing event for Ed, and was itself the culmination of years of traumatic abuse at his father's hands. 

Just as Stede kept flashing back to the moment his father tells him what it is to be a man, and kills an animal, the blood splashing on Stede's wee little face. 

That this is the point of the show. Transforming past trauma. It's there. You always carry the scars. Sometimes, you decide to tattoo yourself with the image of the thing you fear, and then the thing you fear is always there, but you've got to keep moving forward. To stay in one place, to stay trapped in the same emotion/action, is hell. I've read a lot of lit crit of Dante's Inferno. Trust me, it's the same thing.

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the events of S1E6 - Here Dragons Be, because it's where the pustule of his relationship with Ed breaks. His attempted intervention fails to get Ed to kill Stede, so Izzy tries to kill Stede. Not realizing that a) Stede is a main character and b) this is a Core Universe show. Where it's possible to win a duel by being stabbed in the left side of your gut and stay there for many hours and not die. So he loses the 1 thing that defines him, his job. 

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the events of s1E8 - We Gull Way Back, where he enlists Calico Jack to lure Ed off the boat (with all the toxic masculinity that entailed) so that the British could show up and shoot the head off the unicorn, and kill Stede. So Izzy can crawl back into his old patterns / job / life. 

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the big drama confrontation in S1E10 - Wherever You Go There You Are, when as a person whose entire identity is tied up in being Blackbeard's First Mate and after realizing that he couldn't cut it as a captain on his own, he does whatever the f- he can to get Ed back into the toxic soup so he can get his old role/job back.  

This isn't to say that Ed's off the deep end actions in S2.E1&2 aren't his own choices. He is a main character. His emotional arc is one of the driving forces of the show. But they are the choices of a man who wants to die. After a lifetime of violent action that had been increasingly drowning him, he wants to die in the violence of battle, but the enemy are never good enough. He wants Izzy to kill him, but Izzy won't. Until he does…sort of. He wants to die in a storm. He's carving notches on his wall hoping to lure Ned Low to him so that he can die in pain. But Ed is the devil and does not die.

Except Ed's not the devil. He doesn't have a head made of smoke. He's a man. Not a fisherman. Not a fisher of men, and what an interesting attempt to go Christ himself off into the wilderness only to be fired for not being that good at it, and then receive his letter from the deep. 

Because in a show full of magical realism, the bottles with messages will reach the intended recipient eventually.

"In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself in a dark wood for the straight way was lost. Ah, how hard a thing it is to say what that wood was. So savage and harsh and strong, that the thought of it renews my fear. It is so bitter that death is little more so. But to speak of the good that I found there, I will tell of the other things I saw…and like one with laboring breath comes forth from the deep onto the shore, who turns back to the perilous water and stares, so my spirit still fleeing turned to gaze upon the pass that has never left anyone alive." Dante, Canto 1, Inferno. 

Instead of dying, Ed goes not to Purgatory (sorry I'd quote the opening lines, but Inferno actually works better here), but to the Gravy Basket, where he confronts the spirit of Hornigold. Dead spirit. Aspect of Ed's self. Both. Neither. Hated. Self. Unkillable. 

Is saved by a goldfish incarnation of Stede. 

But just as the imaginary as Stede's vision of what / who he thinks he needs to be for Ed, this is not true. Life being what it is, Ed and Stede rush when they need to go slow. They break apart because they are saying words, but the other person is hearing based on their own interpretation. 

BTW: The clue Dante-the-writer gives the reader in Canto V of Inferno is how one of the damned lovers, Francesca, explains how she hooked up with her brother-in-law, Paulo. She describes reading an Arthurian romance. She and Paulo kissed when Gwenevere and Lancelot kissed in the story. Except the version they are reading (and Dante tells the reader which version this is) was intended as a cautionary tale. Also, Paulo and Francesca were real people who were murdered by Francesca's husband when he caught them together. So there is that too.

I always like it in fiction when characters misinterpret each other because they hear based on their life experiences and don't hear the things that are said/unsaid based on the life experiences of the other person speaking. That's good writing. It's also how we end up with wildly varying interpretations of works of fiction.

But I digress.

Izzy's S2 arc is that he must let go of his relationship with Ed and turn to others. He must learn to let go of toxic masculinity and let in softness. Not weakness. Water is not weak, but it is soft. Calypso, goddess of the sea, is not weak. Her birthday is whatever day you need it to be. She is vast and deep and soft and relentless. 

In Ro-sham-bo, it's a shame that there is not a gesture for water. Because it is not paper that defeats stone, but water that wears away the stone. Of course, scissors wouldn't do much to water either, so that would sort of break Ro-sham-bo, so I suppose it must stay as it is.

It is through a craft's project that the crew of the Revenge find healing. Turn Izzy into the unicorn. A unicorn that Izzy's own actions caused to be decapitated with a British cannon ball in S1. That Izzy rendered legless (drunk). But the Revenge is a boat. They just need to swim/sail. It is through a craft's project that Izzy is able to offer healing to Lucius, who in turn is then able to turn their art away from fixating on Ed, and the trauma that he's been through and back towards love, and Black Pete. 

But it's not possible to see Izzy's S2 arc, if you didn't interpret S1 Izzy as needing to go through his own gravy basket. 

That Izzy dies because his transformation is necessary. He can't leave Ed, and if he doesn't leave Ed, then Ed can't stop being Blackbeard. The kracken. He literally tells Ed this as he chooses to transform. To free the world of Blackbeard, so Ed can be Ed. Yet, I've read so many posts by folks saying, "But why did he have to die?" Which sure, you can choose not believe what the character says while dying.

Which is a narrative privilege. To get a good dying speech. "There he is" get to be transmutted from an attack to an actual seeing. The larger than life concept of a smoke headed pirate can waft away.

Stories are hard to kill. They live on long past us, and as long as someone is remembered, especially in a universe like OFMD, we live. 

Though always reject the gift of a clock. That's someone telling you that you've only got so many hours left of life. If you are a character in a story. 

Thus the other parallel in this season is Izzy to Auntie and Ed to Zheng Yi Sao. Auntie must allow Zheng softness. Izzy must go through a sea change to something new and strange. Also, this would be a case of Doylistically the writers needed to line up Olu with Stede for that to work, and thus the new configurations of Olu and Jim's relationship, which, shrug, could be poly. Could be friends to lovers to friends.  Woulda, coulda, had more time, but that's on Max for not giving us 2 more episodes.

Prince Richard was trying to become a concept, but was too in love with the mechanics of it. Stede was trying to become a concept too. Found his fame, and all too quickly the toxic end of that particular route. Magical Realism was on his side until he tried to face down Zheng Yi Sao, the Queen of Pirates, and then the rules of the story weren't. Because those clocks were ticking. Everyone was in a very dark wood. The memory of blood splashed on Stede's face as a little boy was a warning. It was a reminder. It was the wrong lessons we take from our childhood and must unlearn to become whole.

Having the final shot of the show being Buttons landing on the unicorn leg as a reminder that this is a show about transformation. One thing becoming another thing. Somewhere the dead are dancing in Calypso's court. A dance below the sea and on the sea and with the sea. While the living keep sailing on their magic ship to do…I don't know. 

Because the Golden Age of Piracy is coming to an end. They'll go create new worlds and new places to be. Transforming.

If we get no more of the show, this is a resolution.

Since I've been quoting Dante, I'm going to end this with the final vision in Paradiso. Because folks who haven't been reading my analysis for the last 30 years / read it, may not realize that the Divine Comedy (a story that begins in sorrow and ends in joy) ends with the vision of a 3 way rainbow. 

"In the profound and shining Being of the deep Light, three circles appeared, of three colours, and one magnitude: one seemed refracted by the other, like Iris’s rainbows, and the third seemed fire breathed equally from both. O how the words fall short, and how feeble compared with my conceiving!…Power, here, failed the deep imagining: but already my desire and will were rolled, like a wheel that is turned, equally, by the Love that moves the Sun and the other stars."

Hang Up Raphael, I'm gonna get to know him better ♱♡‿♡♰ (Christmas Miracle L-Card PROLOGUE Spoilers I)

Hi hi once again lovelies, it is I your admin <;3 (i really need a name for you all to call me huh) Anyways, We're on to Raphael and I took way too many screencaps for this so I had to like pick and choose which ones I'm gonna use lol there were SO many good moments not to highlight. So just so you know, the beginning of it literally starts the same way as Michael's prologue with Minhyeok making a wish, us seeing his brother yadda ya (hmmm and here I thought it would be slightly different I guess not) And after that we're gonna dive right the fuck in. As per usual this is a two-parter, get yourself a snack and let's gooo ♨(⋆‿⋆)♨

So our MC was invited to Avisos in this story to celebrate x-mas but it's very different from what they're used to. Samba, festival clothing, parades, etc. Avisos be gettin' down I swear. But MC is over here like "the samba has nothing to do with-" Let them party. It's fine. Everyone celebrates differently and the Avisos citizens wanna shake their ass to some feel good music.

Naberius coming in to call them out on their thoughts, here is when I find out he can technically read minds so I'm gonna have to be careful around him...cause does that happen automatically or does he just do that when he feels like it?

I think it's cute he's feeding MC btw, but MC being guilty about what they said makes sense because it's like telling someone when you go over their house you don't like how they do something. Because you could...just wait until you get home or something don't tell me that while you're here lmao

So in this scene Naberius explains that he had the turkey cooked and made just because he knew humans ate two types of meat (really three if you feel) during christmas and wanted to make MC comfortable. It also sounds good as fuck because sauce was dripping down MC's chin.

But Naberius was treating it more like a chore than what a lover would, so this has me headcanon that Naberius is possibly part of the ace (asexual) family! now I'm unsure if he'd be demi, gray, or just full on ace but regardless, he's being cute feeding MC like this.

Meanwhile....

Our troublesome two...it's literally like watching two brothers fight and it's funny to me. Like Amon please don't take Stolas' juice T^T it was literally in his hand when he took it lmao

Also that sounds good too because it was fresh from a fruit bowl....my diet would be terrible in Avisos they eat so much and so many good foods ;.; (my ibs would probably kick my ass too)

So while Amon and Stolas are squabbling, Naberius is just like chiding them as per usual and MC asks where Bael is. He's working (poor bby let him REST) and this is when Naberius says that Amon and Stolas should be working too and only he was asked to look over MC during the festivities and that they usually have to patrol around because things get crazy lol

Stolas ofc is like yeah who the fuck cares we don't get to celebrate anyway so I'm taking this time to do so xD

He also adds that he's usually not outside during this time anyway because ppl annoy him with their happiness. (omfg Stolas is me on most days like why are all you outside? There's too many fucking ppl outside, go back to your own houses while I do grocery shopping then you can come back out)

Amon chimes in that Stolas likes staying in his dark room and how mature that is despite how he looks. Stolas gets really offended and threatens to kill him (that's on brand for our bird bby, he's so adorable)

ANYWAYS what Amon really does like to bring up that Stolas looks so young and honestly it's just like...I can see why he would be irriated about that coming up each time.

Amon ignores him of course and says he wants to make memories with MC (he's so fucking cute omfg) and Naberius whacks him on the head to remind him that he has work to do and he can't just be doing whatever.

AMON YOU CUTIE LOVE YOU <3333333 He's adorable, like I'd hang out with him all day if he wanted me to. (I also can imagine that since he gets flirty in the beel event, he'd probably feel comfortable enough to do a l o t more flirting when it's MC/you with him)

So Naberius brings in some lore about Avisos, bascially stating that they always need to celebrate something and there's no real reason for them to do so. As I stated before, this country loves to fucking party like I swear there was always something going on. He did bring up that he's slightly glad it's chilled out since the war (must of been that bad if a war makes him happy they stopped)

And MC is just like oh do you guys believe in Santa then or no?

And then our sexy sexy Beel boo enters the chat

He's so hot for this, thank you for bringing me gifts bby <3

So naturally all of his nobles are happy to see him, Amon especially and he brought them gifts!!!

He basically brought everyone back souvenirs from the places he's been. That's so thoughtful because he took time to think about what each person would like. This is also something I do when getting gifts for ppl and every day they reveal more about Beel it makes me be like "yup that's why I was paired with him"

Now we get to see what he got MC and oh.....

oh....

oh....................

Fuck

MC was just saying they were happy that they got to experience some adult items from Hell so they were grateful and would use it well, and while I love that response....

I would be creaming my pants already because I KNOW he bought that with the intention of MC using it with him and you know what....

I have immediate needs that need to be addressed and I'd let that be known.

But the topic of a christmas miracle starts being brought up again and Beel explains that there's always weird things happening in Hell around this time and well...he thinks it's best that you don't question it and just go with the flow

See? Don't think about trivial things, just let your mind be free. Don't stress about the things you don't know for now.

While that goes against every fiber of my nuerospicy brain to not know what the fuck is going on and not freak out about the things I don't know....i'll just let him distract me with that d*ck

And he's so cute he put his face all up in MCs and was like yeah we're going on a date later btw. After he was done delivering presents to the other citizens (he's getting the best bj known to man for this because what he got something for everyone?????)

BUT we are interrupted by some loud sounds...

So it seems once again Raphael, just like Michael just fucking crashed into shit without any warning only the funniest thing about Raph is that he was fucking eating the food at the stalls LMAO

Mans got priorities.

So we get some repeat lore about Raph, we got a little bit from the halloween event where it was Ppyong that explained how dangerous he was. And well from reading his comic he's literally as bloodthirsty as his seraph comrades...once he likes to play around and torment folks a bit. And if you're another angel that he does not like for any fucking reason yeah you're in the crossfire too. Raph's hands are rated E for everyone.

Naberius is over here growling and challenging him and Raph with those big balls of his (hehehe) is basically being like yeah you sent for me so don't trip. But that's the thing I don't think anyone particularly called for him...though it does seem like there's a specific angel that likes bothering a specific country. Raph-Avisos, Gabe-Gehenna, and Mike-Tartaros.

And then from here he starts giving critiques on the fucking meat and the customer service of the stalls and I'm like Raph bby.....why are you doing this lmao He's such a true villian because totally coming in and taking the local's food and still not satisfied with it tracks.

But....it seems my lovely peeps that tumblr has alerted me that's all the photos I can add here so we'll end it! Meet me in the next post <3

Attraction spell || Vampire ! Joel x Witchy reader

CW: DDDNE, noncon/dubcon, stalking, blood play, using blood as lube, ambiguous ending, unprotected p in v, fingering, praise kink, choking, pain kink, rough sex, minimal editing. (around 1400 words)

Divider by saradika

Notification blog

This place almost feels like it's between life and death. It's overrun by dust, but it's as warm as human flesh.

And you, you look so alive, so warm, as he peers through the window of your small witchcraft store. A lot more curious people seemed enticed by your shop on Halloween day, or Samhain as you'd call it, so he had to wait until things quieted down. Usually, you waited long hours until you had costumers, reading, cleaning, playing with tarot cards. He knew each and every one of your habits. But today, you were a busy bee.

When all the kids leave happily with their pumpkins stuffed with candy, he looks down at his beat-up watch. Only a few minutes before closing time.

You clean your workspace and make sure every herb is in the right spot. You looked at your low candy inventory and grab one for yourself as you start cleaning the floors, a lollipop between your lips.

You do not hear the door open. Weird... usually, the bell rings. But there's a man, alone, in your shop. You try to repress the goosebumps you feel all over your arms and the scream of surprise that threatens to leave your lips.  

His fingers are touching every nick knack, every shiny rock before he looks at you with a smile that makes you uneasy.

He's unnaturally beautiful with deep brown eyes and matching curly hair. You on suck the lollipop one last time before you take it out of your mouth to speak.

"Oh hi there! Didn’t hear you come in. I was just starting to clean before close, but feel free to ask for help." You offer in an overly enthusiastic tone.

Joel watches the red candy closely, drenched in your saliva, before looking at your eyes, where he detects the sweet feeling of fear.

“Sorry darlin’, didn’t mean to startle ya.” He has a southern drawl to his voice; he wasn’t from around here. His accent almost didn’t match his face. “Was lookin’ for a love spell. Hopin’ a sweet witch could help.”

“Hmmm.” You leave your broom aside and turn around to look at your shelves lines with different transparent jars, all labeled in your clean, cursive writing. “Love spells aren’t very ethical. But – I can make an attraction spell for you, does that work?”

You don't hear him move, even though he’s wearing heavy boots, and when you turn around, he’s right there. Crowding you behind the small space of your counter and your wall of shelves. He’s tall and broad, and he makes you feel like a vulnerable mouse he could just crush under his feet. Your breath gets stuck in your throat, and you feel yourself suffocated by his mere presence. Under his cologne smell, you detect the slightest hint of the coopery smell of blood.

You keep your calm. It wasn’t your first time dealing with creeps.

“That works, darlin’.”

“I’ll just need your name.” You move away from him swiftly to collect your ingredients.

“Why?” The man asks, clearly annoyed.

“Can’t put my intention a spell behind without a name.”

“Joel.”

“Alright, Joel, let’s get started.”

You do your best to ignore him as you put the herbs in a small fabric bag. You do your best to ignore your hands that are violently shaking. You do your best to ignore how you’re making a mess on your clean counter, herbs littering the space. Before you can even feel him there, you feel a sharp pain in your neck, like a deep puncture. You almost fall, but strong hands hold you in place, fingers splayed over your stomach.

“What the f-”

“Shh sweetheart, le’me enjoy my meal, yeah?” 

You can’t scream, you’re suffocating. When he pulls his fangs out, you feel weak, but thankfully, he holds you up. You hope this is just a really bad nightmare and you’ll wake up in your bed in seconds…

He licks your neck, cleans his mess. You repress the butterflies in your lower abdomen.

“M’sorry, a man has to eat. Been watching you for a long time.” His voice is deep and rough next to your ear. “Knew just how sweet you’d be.”

He spins you around in his arms, just so you can see how sincere he looks. Brown irises were replaced by a deep crimson that matches the – your blood dripping from his lips.  You try to push him away, but his grip is iron-like.

“You had what you wanted, let me go…” You whisper weakly.

“Hmhm. Don’t have my fill of ya just yet.” 

You spin, too fast. He pushes on your lower back, so the top of your body is laying against your shop counter. You feel his hips against you, he’s so close.

“Please Joel, don’t hurt me.”

“M’not gonna hurt you. Gonna make you feel real good. Stay still.” While he tears off all your clothes, he takes a bite on the other side of your neck, but this time, he lets the blood run down your neck for a little while, watching like a satisfied predator. He uses two of his fingers to collect the blood dripping from the wound, and he uses those same fingers to enter your heat. You’re closing around him, resisting.

“Relax. Not gonna hurt you.” He repeats.

“O-Okay.”

You’re breathing in and out until you’re more relaxed. Joel waits until he feels your walls relaxing to start moving his fingers, stretching you. He curls his digits, finding that spot deep within you. You let out a moan.

“There ya go, hun’. Enjoy yourself.”

You’re wetting his fingers, creating a beautiful potion of your juices and your blood. He thrusts his fingers roughly, in and out, creating a symphony of wet sounds and moans in the empty store.

“Knew you’d be such a good girl.” Joel’s words push you over the edge.

Your walls flutter around his fingers and he feels you getting even wetter. He takes his fingers away from you and spins you around. You’re a wreck: blood still spilling from your neck wounds, completely naked, your clothes torn in shreds by your feet. He smiles, his shiny canines fully out. His lips close around his digits, sucking off the blood and the remains of your orgasm.

His eyes roll into the back of his skull, and you can’t help the deranged thought that crosses your mind: he’s breathtakingly beautiful. But so are most monsters.

“You could’ve at least kissed me before fucking me, Joel.”

“I’m sorry.” But he smirks. He’s not.

Joel’s hands are on your face, grabbing, pulling at you until his lips are crashing against yours, a wave of depravity and sharp teeth scratching your bottom lip. His hands go from your cheeks to your throat, putting pressure there, as if to stop the blood from dripping. The air is leaving your lungs slowly, and you feel like you’re actually going to die, until he props you up on your counter. You watch him with dark eyes as he unzips his pants. He’s tanned all over. You thought vampires would be paler, but maybe it was a myth.

You sit back, resting on your palms as you watch him working his erection. You wrap your legs around his middle and follow his length disappearing between your legs. Your head lay against his broad shoulder. He barely gives you a moment to adjust before his hips are snapping harshly against yours. Pants are escaping from your lips as he moves rapidly. But your mind wanders. To find something that could save your life.

You doubt that the vampire would let you go after this, especially if he’s been stalking you. He pulls on your hair to look down at your face, feeling how you suddenly got distracted. He stills inside you. He knows.

“Whatever you’re thinkin’, doll, you’re not getting out of this.” Joel groans menacingly. 

Before you can react in any way, you’re facing the ground, your face squished against the creaky floorboards, his weight pushing you down.

“I-I wasn’t tryin’ to…”

He pulls on your hair and stuffs three thick fingers in your mouth to shut you up, making you gag.

“Be a good girl and shut the fuck up.” The vampire lets go of your hair and puts his palm beside your head to support his weight. Joel is breaking into your walls again, picking up where he left off at the same punishing pace. His length is so deep, it almost hurts, but the line between pleasure and pain had been blurred for a while now. You suck on his fingers to muffle your screams while he pounds into you violently. After a few more thrusts, he stills and erupts between your walls, filling you up.

Finally, he frees your mouth and lets you turn around, still caged by his massive body.

“Just kill me already.” You whisper weakly.

“Oh no, baby.” He coos in a sickly-sweet tone. “I’ll keep you. For eternity.”

My Name

Pairing: Azul Ashengrotto x GN!Reader

Summary: Azul surprises you by covering your eyes and making you guess his name.

Word Count: 700+

Notes:

Established relationship.

Azul calls you "sweetheart".

Suggestive themes ahead. Nothing explicit though.

A/N:

This. This is the spiciest thing I have ever written. But like I mentioned above, nothing explicit. It's not entirely spicy. But still! Uwaaahhh I don't know *hands covering my face and turning head side to side from feeling shy* >///< Just.. just read.

"Ah!" You exclaimed in shock at having your eyes suddenly covered by someone's gloved hands.

"Guess who I am correctly and I shall reward you," he said. "If you guess wrongly," he continued as he moved his head closer to your ear, his voice becoming low as he whispered. "...I'll have to punish you."

You couldn't help but giggle at his actions. You already knew who he was the moment he made contact with you, but decided to play along.

"Mmmm.. can I at least ask questions about my mysterious captor? I wouldn't want to be punished for guessing wrongly."

"Three questions. I'll let you ask three. Afterwards, you are to guess my name."

"Only three? That's kind of hard," you said while pouting.

"Then you better ask the right questions, sweetheart." He said huskily, putting emphasis on his endearment for you.

And, oh my.

The way it rolled off his tongue made you feel a bit weak on the knees.

"Hmmm. Alright. For my first question, is my captor.. great at cooking?"

Azul smiled. "Yes."

"Hehe. That's interesting," you said amused. "For my second question, is my captor.. someone with a higher position in his dorm?"

I am Housewarden of my dorm, Azul thought.

"Yes, I am. Proud to say, in fact."

"Wow! That's really nice. I'm sure you must be an amazing person," you said, still feigning innocence.

For the third question, you decided to tease him a bit. "Last question. Is my captor.. extremely smart and attractive?"

That made Azul pause. Good thing he still has your eyes covered because otherwise you'd have seen the pinkish blush on his face.

Your words kept running in Azul's thoughts. Smart? Definitely. But attractive? Well..

His past has made him feel insecure about his appearance. Hence, he continuously worked hard to maintain his current figure. You did say you find him to be very attractive, both in human form and in merform. He knows you're genuine with your compliments too. Still, Azul feels a bit shy from hearing such words from you.

Does he say yes? Or maybe just invalidate the question? Azul pondered.

From the silence you receive, it was safe to assume you had Azul flustered. You tried to stifle your laughter. "Hehe. I'll take that as a yes. I mean, even your voice sounds attractive," you said, making him a blush some more. "I think I know who you are now, mysterious captor."

Azul tried to compose himself from your teasing, putting on a confident front once more. "Is that so? Remember, if you guess incorrectly, I'm going to have to punish you."

"Yep. I'm sure!"

"Then what's my name?"

"Someone who's really good at cooking. Someone who's great at school with an important status in his dorm. Someone who's intelligent and very, very, very attractive. You are.."

Azul was waiting for your response with bated breath.

"Jamil?" You said playfully, even though you knew he was Azul.

You were expecting a reaction from him, but there was none. He wasn't moving. And something in the air felt different.

You then realized you were in trouble. Big trouble.

"No, wait! I'm sorry. I was only kidding. I know it's you Azul!" You pleaded.

No response.

"...Azul?" You called out to him nervously.

A few seconds passed by before you heard a heavy sigh from behind.

"I thought you would have gotten the right answer but it seems my hope was misplaced. You poor and unfortunate soul."

He moved to cover both of your eyes with a single hand instead as the other traveled down to wrap tightly around your waist before he pulled you closer. Your back in direct contact with his chest.

"You're just asking for punishment, aren't you?" He said right next to your ear, his voice dangerously low.

"No! I was just.. ah!" You were cutoff as you felt him plant kisses from your ear down to your exposed neck, making you blush. "Mmhh.. Azul~" You moaned softly.

"That's my name, sweetheart. If only you said my name." He started to bite down and suck on your skin, leaving a red mark. "I could have given you a nice reward but you just had to give a wrong answer."

He continued his onslaught on your neck, leaving a trail of kisses and love bites. "But don't worry, sweetheart. You won't make that same mistake."

Azul whispered in your ear once more. You could imagine that handsome smirk as you hear the deviousness in his voice.

"I'll make sure the only word you'll be saying afterwards is my name."

It's still just wild to me that between

-> the setting (fantasy medieval-ish europe-y place where it's established that sometimes folks don't get to eat between lack of funds and bad harvests)

-> the worldbuilding (stuff like heavier adventurers likely being more skilled/too skinny means risking being unable to be revived)

-> and the themes (having a healthy relationship with food)

you would think that Dungeon Meshi would actually be kinda fat positive. But no. There's an undercurrent of fatphobia that runs through it that feels so jarring that once you notice it it's hard to stop seeing it.

And it's not just the two really blatant places that it happens in the manga, like characters deciding to insult the only fat noble/rich person in the setting on their weight (which never gets counterbalanced by any character like complimenting a fat character on their figure in the whole manga) or our main characters going 'oh no he might get fat' about the hero gaining what is effectively a disorder (that could very easily kill him due to accidental self inflicted injuries due to no longer being able to feel certain physical sensations) from the defeating the biggest bad in the setting.

But also the smaller stuff like the gag about Izutsumi being shocked to see the fat-looking succubi after it was drilled into her head that the things are mindbreakingly hot. (Hmmm)

Or how you see folks point at characters like Nemari, Dia, Senshi (and Leed) as examples of positive fat rep but like. If you actually pay attention to like the examples of fat dwarves in the extras or in a few minor characters, what they look like if they were turned into tallmen (more or less if they were built like real world humans), you'd notice that they aren't fat at all. They're just muscular and not dehydrated, much like how Laios isn't fat just built and not starved.

Or even looking at like Leed and Zon (named and important) compared to the unnamed background orcs after the artist changed their orc design by the second time orcs show up in the story. And you just notice how much thinner Leed and Zon are compared to every other orc in a scene.

(And of course, the extras that reveal that orcs and dwarves actually have a lot less body fat than it looks like they have b/c they are *literally just big-boned*. They are leaner than a irl human would be at their height and girth due to literally having thicker and broader skeletons.)

Or the whole thing where apparently fat elves just... don't exist. Not even fat civilian elves or fat adventurer elves. Like we know that there's fat half-foots even though none of the half-foot major characters are fat b/c being able to do their job in a dungeon means they have to be as light as they can to not set off traps. but we at least see some thicker half-foots. But elves? Apparently only come in noodle.

people seemed interested in the little nine lives bio i posted last night, so now i'm doing finze! who i'm realizing i don't have any finished art of (in this form) that doesn't include nine. disclaimer that this has nothing to do with the Finze we know from City of Blank beyond name, personality, and some kind of "canon events" that are shared among all versions of Finze.

-Half-angel, and yes, I'm aware that's a Nephilim, but he doesn't like to call himself that because of what usually comes to mind with that word. That said, this is not his only form.

-He was a prophesized child that was supposed to be born from an angel and a virgin. This child was supposed to beckon in the rapture and lead humanity to heaven in the rapture. However, once he was old enough to start understanding his destiny, he simply decided that he didn't want to do that.

-This is when they started to realize something went wrong. Turns out his mother was very much not a virgin, which sort of messed up the whole prophecy and now they just have this guy who is sort of half-way what the prophecy called for. So anyway, the rapture is postponed and now Finze just works (reluctantly) for the church/angels.

-Part of his powers is his "all seeing eye" that is under his eyepatch. He will gain the knowledge of anyone he looks into with that eye. The church has used this power on 10+ of the world's smartest individuals, making finze incredibly smart, but the downside is he now has 10+ individuals crammed in his head. His healing abilities are basically the only thing stopping him from going brain dead but he is in constant pain because of it.

-He is just as nasty and mean as he is in CoB, if not more so. He lives a very lavish lifestyle, provided by the church, and is incredibly out of touch with with the rest of the world despite his vast knowledge. So basically, quite literally the smartest person on earth, but socially, one of the worst.

-Despite being literally half-angel and knowing other angels, he is an adamant (and obnoxious) atheist. he thinks they're aliens or something.

-Struggles greatly with OCD. Hates being touched and struggles with emotions other than anger and annoyance. Hates trying new things or going outside his comfort zone. Has constant energy of nervous dog that is about to bite you.

-incredibly vapid and obsessed with his appearance. you know the scene of Howl melting because his hair was the wrong color? yeah, he's like that if he ever gets something like a zit.

-the only thing in life he loves more than (eventually) nine is his car. he is very much a car guy. He also unfortunately shouldn't be allowed on the road. You know those jack asses that zoom down the highway at 100 MPH, weaving in and out of traffic? That is Finze. Also just parks wherever he wants, as long as it's not a towaway zone. No parking before 8 PM? No, just more expensive parking before 8 PM.

hmmm. there's a lot more but this is getting really long. his was a lot harder to do than nine's because i feel like a lot of lore needs to be explained in order to elaborate on a lot of things about him. i didn't even get into how he ends up as a tutor at nine's school and that's how they meet. i wanna ramble about him and nine more but not in a way that scares people off w/ any walls of text longer than this!!