#“I'm angry that we let people suffer.”
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ATLA fandom and other fandom spaces have been ruined by purity culture, an essay.
In recent years I've noticed a trend, and call it what you will but it looks like a shift in cultural dynamics in how specifically Western (but mostly American) fanbases have interacted with media.
In short: there is an obsession with purity.
For lack of a better term, let's call it "an extreme form of wokeness." I know how this sounds, but I truly cannot think of a better way to describe this phenomenon.
Before I continue, I'm not one of the people who hates progressiveness or representation in media. I'm one of the people who champion it. However, I have noticed that ironically, this obsession with making everything positive, pure, and acceptable has watered down how both newer media and fandom have chosen to perceive a story.
Because this is the fandom I have been in the longest and seen the most of, I'm highlighting how purity culture has taken the Avatar: The Last Airbender (ATLA) fandom and shaken it to its bloody core.
Purity culture and the Netflix live-action
The ATLA fandom is stuck in a cycle of purity culture that actually renders the original media worse through perception and it's a thing that resulted in the Netflix live-action (NATLA) being what it is.
Both the fans of the original show and as a result, the creators of NATLA itself, became so afraid to let the main characters be flawed or have negative traits. In NATLA, Sokka's first season sexism was cut because of its problematic nature. In fact, they removed most forms of sexism in NATLA. The irony is that it made the show itself more sexist.
NATLA's Sokka was always right, always keeping the family together. His wanting to prove himself and keep the family together are not new traits different from the original Sokka, but these are highlighted with hardly any negativity. Sokka starts where season two Sokka is. He doesn't get a chance to learn and grow and be punched into sense by Suki.
And because Katara didn't grow up with a sexist brother, her character suffers too. She loses half of her fighting spirit. She doesn't feel the need to prove herself as strongly and is only driven by grief/guilt rather than an additional personal interest. So when there is finally a sexist scene in the Northern Water Tribe and she fights Pakku, it feels unearned. Pakku calls the North culturally sexist, but we had no build-up or evidence. And Yue is a strong powerful woman already from the North, so where is the basis?
Instead, Katara calls herself a master without learning from practiced masters. All unearned.
In another vein, Zuko suffers the same way and so does Iroh. Zuko is angry, sure. He whines like the teenager he is, but he is already portrayed as a misunderstood character rather than the antagonist he is supposed to be. His anger is simmered down, he doesn't want to burn down Suki's village. He has to be pure and perfect because he's a "good" character.
Iroh starts largely the same as in ATLA, but he gets constantly bombarded with reminders of what the Fire Nation did, and therefore him. This is a war crime Iroh who should never be liked, of course. Because he's not pure. He's not perfect. (Can you feel me rolling my eyes?)
Purity culture and the perception of ATLA's beloved characters
I already started on Iroh, but let's go a little deeper.
Where did this idea start? Well, the ATLA fandom is so obsessed with being pure and good that there have been fans who have pointed out that liking Iroh and Iroh as a character is so problematic because he committed war crimes.
Oh no, heavens forbid that a show set during a wartime period has characters who have dark backgrounds and committed atrocities! Let's just throw gray morality out the window!
If you're talking about war crimes listed from the Geneva Conventions, then sure he did. But also, ATLA is set in our real world's equivalent of the 1800s. There were no set war crimes then if you want to get technical.
But also, and I say this with the utmost respect, war itself is a giant crime. Are you saying that there's a low possibility of Zuko not having committed war crimes? What about Hakoda or any of the Avatars? If I got you there, if you are scrambling for an answer, then maybe you understand my bafflement at this fabricated issue about Iroh.
It is OK to let characters have dark pasts and reckon with them. It is OK to like them as characters because good writing will allow you to like the character and not necessarily the person the character is all the time.
Saying it's not OK to like a character because of a past misdeed that they have grown from stems not only from purity culture but from cancel culture too. It's almost like the fandom doesn't care that someone can change. And, without these flaws, all you have is a flat character that no one can learn from. I sometimes see these kinds of flat portrayals and interpretations in fanworks.
Purity culture and shipping
If I'm about to open another can of worms, I might as well do it with a bang. So, let me just list a few of the ATLA shipping fandoms where I have noticed purity culture coloring how they ship and who they will "allow" to be shipped:
Kataang
Zutara
Zukaang
Taang
(I'll admit, most of the ships.)
Kataang fandom:
They have a weird obsession with Aang being pure and right all the time because he's the main character. He can't have flaws. If he does then he's an abuser and Katara is in an abusive relationship.
In a newer phenomenon, Aang has to be aged up. Let's make Aang two years older than Katara rather than younger by two years. It's more acceptable to have an older male in a hetero relationship anyway. Might as well totally nix the fact that men being younger than women in a relationship is a thing that exists. It's not as accepted so, change it I guess?
Oh, and since it's also more acceptable, let's portray Aang with hair and always older. Hair is way more acceptable than voluntarily shaving your head or being bald. Let's throw his Air Nomad heritage out the window while we're at it.
Zutara fandom:
In a related vein, it's suddenly OK for Katara to be with Zuko because she's younger and Zuko is more "mature" than Aang.
Zuko is the older man and Katara is the younger woman, so it's more acceptable. Might as well keep it pure, right?
Zuko is never wrong of course. He's way past being flawed. He no longer has his Fire Nation background where it will take years to get rid of learned and inherent racism cultivated from a hundred years of war against the other nations. Katara also has to be super accepting of it too otherwise she's too flawed.
Zukaang fandom:
Honestly, this one isn't as much within the Zukaang fandom itself, but rather other ship fandoms ganging up on this one idea that if Aang is four years younger than Zuko it's wrong.
However, I'm sure there are those within the Zukaang fandom who bend this rule to their own benefit and pretend they're the same age in their fanworks because it's more acceptable.
Let's ignore the fact that there are real-life couples who are four years apart or the fact that there are larger age gaps that exist. Purity culture dictates that age differences are unacceptable because it might be pedophilic, but who am I to call this out?
No one is saying that a full adult should date a child, Karen. Newsflash, when you grow up, a four-year age gap becomes more and more negligible.
Don't get me started on pointing out that an age gap seems to be fine with hetero couples (see the above couples), but not same-sex ones. No, I don't care if the age gap is smaller in Kataang and Zutara. An age gap is an age gap. The ATLA fandom is the same one that says two years is too much between Aang and Katara but is acceptable between Katara and Zuko.
Does the fandom see something I don't?
Taang fandom
Toph and Aang are the same age.
I think I explained enough.
TLDR
The ATLA fandom has come to a point in which it cannot decide between the original story itself and what they have deemed acceptable in real life.
The purity culture within the ATLA fandom may be influenced by the notion that this is a children's show we're fangirling over. But, so are many fandoms. I'm aware that many people come to the ATLA fandom with a sense of nostalgia and many people who grew up with the show have associated it with childhood. Which is fine, but will that really dictate how you move forward? You can mature with the media you consume.
The fandom suffers from not understanding that media consumption should be an experience, not a fallacy. Nor should the fandom fear the prospect of flaws and nuance. It sadly comes to questioning the state of media literacy.
If a fandom is to thrive, it should embrace what storytelling is: a way to express feelings and sometimes to learn things. We cannot learn anything if everything is perfectly within one specific idea of acceptable.
#atla#atla fandom#atla meta#avatar the last airbender#fandom culture#purity culture#fandom#shipping#natla#natla critical#netflix atla#avatar
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batman: the knight #1
#bruce wayne#batman#batfam#dc#con reads comics#conpost#“I'm angry that we let people suffer.”#now THAT's the bruce wayne i know and love#anyway apologies to mr zdarsky but i dont accept that bruce saw any therapist past the age of ten#it is my firmly held belief that alfred made him see one at that age but then he bit the therapist and was blacklisted for life#edit: i finished reading the issue and this criticism is no longer valid lmao
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I have a lot of religious guilt around being angry, especially being angry at someone, and it's so funny talking about it with my therapist because I'll admit something like "I feel like Im in a constant low level state of resentment" or that Im thinking something slightly harsh about a person and my therapist will be sitting in his seat like
#I had a therapy rupture with him a few months ago and apparently Im not all that great at hiding extreme anger he just didn't say anything#cause we were working thru it#and now Im like 'well shit Im like sitting over here telepathically blowing u up with my mind so I guess that makes sense'#Cause Im still stuck in the 'thought life' mindset of my thoughts affecting other people besides me#and I'll get self destructive in a 'well if I self destruct you HAVE to help me then'#type of way that I know is unhealthy but I don't usually act on it. it's more just the impulse/urge#but it all stems from the idea that suffering is holy somehow#and if I suffer enough then I'll get somewhere#basically a speed run to empathy cause I didn't get care otherwise because I just needed to pray more or whatever#and now I'm learning to just let my emotions pass thru#hopefully not like diarrhea but unfortunately constipation can cause diarrhea#so ig I'll figure out my anger soon and how to let it just pass thru#its just so funny watching him get excited about me being openly angry cause that's progress#me: 'biting and biting and biting and biting and biting'#therapist: 'this is good. this is progress great job <3'#ex christian#religious trauma
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if i may complain for a bit about something that doesn't actually matter and can be easily avoided. god i hate fics that baby-fy chuuya
#yeah yeah i know just don't read them w/e. there's no tags to avoid these unfortunately 😐#it kinda feels like a fanon of fanon. it's so far removed from his canon self even if some core elements are there.#why write him like a 15 y/o even as an adult. and the thing is. even when he was 15 in canon he wasn't this childish. c'mon.#a lot of the most popular skk fics have him characterized like this and man I'm tired. look how they massacred my boy.#ok complaining session over. i feel like i sound kinda mean. sorry abt that.#it doesn't actually matter that much just a bit frustrating when it keeps happening when you're already a couple hundred words into a fic#edit: i lied I'm not done complaining i gotta turn this into a rant bc ppl misunderstanding my favorite character online is a crime.#childish was the wrong word for me to use ig it's more like. innocent.#girl. bestie. he has been part of criminal organizations quite literally since he remembers himself.#he is not some sweet uwu baby who's a bit of a tsundere or w/e. he's got genuine reasons to be angry yknow. he's been through shit#and he's not innocent? he's in the fucking mafia lol we literally see him kill like 20 people in 5 minutes at 15 y/o.#he's not naive either???? he may not be dazai levels of smart but he's still capable of figuring things out himself????#like he did figure out rimbaud's thing by himself. he's not stupid or slow. he wouldn't be a mafia executive otherwise.#and that's also the reason he can't be naive like... he is in constant danger after all#and idk watering down all this^ for aus is boring and turning him into practically an oc but it's even worse in canonverse#or literally any au where he suffers the same amount as he does in canon. bc then what's your excuse for watering him down.#it feels like forcing him into this very clear cut mold you see in every media when he is literally. not that.#no one in bsd is honestly that's part of its charm imo. they all subvert your expectations of their character archetypes#i think this is why it's making me so angry bc it doesn't feel like just misunderstanding the character but also the whole story. in a way.#am i going too far? perhaps. i dunno. i do feel less Dirty after letting out this frustration tho.#complaining session is now officially over okay. yes. sorry. i don't mean to offend anyone sorry if i sound mean at any point.
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it's so sad that people nowadays expect everything they consume to be The Literal Bestest Thing Ever
like with video games it's super apparent, with A Lot of people expecting longevity, and for the game to reinvent the genre, and if that's not the case, it's just not worth your time or money. and i'd argue this is also a problem in other things, where it's like- there's no room for 'just good shows'
like i've seen the weirdest complaints about KNY, and it's like these people have to find something to nitpick, because it can't just be good!
Snake Eyes: G.I Joe Origins isn't a particular clever movie, but it's a fun time, and yet i saw nothing but complaints about it, and it's so sad, because it feels like people can't just enjoy things anymore. like who cares if the writing isn't the best thing ever, it doesn't have to be!
this one game, Haiku the Robot, is a super cute and pretty fun metroidvania. and yet, because it was heavily inspired by Hollow Knight, it had numerous reviews calling it 'a worse Hollow Knight' and therefore not worth your time
and that's just. why would you not want to play a game like Hollow Knight? like yeah, it's not gonna be HK, it's a literal fucking masterpiece, but who cares! don't you just want to have fun?
people have such high standards for media these days, and it's just kind of sad. like isn't the whole point about consumption to have a good time? to enjoy yourself? why are we expecting everything to be the new Shakespeare, or the new Dark Souls, or the new Hollow Knight, or so on and so on
can we not just have fun
#ze.txt#also sometimes your idea of fun is to suffer emotionally or be faced with your mortal existence and that's Valid#anyway now that i'm over halfway i'm even more confused abt people calling the writing bad#and it feels like it's just because people is expecting the next fma#like it's shounen my guy. just enjoy it!!#and like. you can critize things! i'm not saying you can't#but i've seen fuckers complain about how tanjiro is just Good and therefore boring or that later characters is presented as tropes like-#the angry one or the quiet one or whatever and it's like. you are reaching. you are reaching so hard#and this happens with so much media! like a reviewer saying to just watch a let's play of stray#because idk the gameplay wasn't as deep as some other games??#and it's just. MAN. we don't have to get constant content from one game#we don't have to get the literal perfect show to be happy#it's okay to just ENJOY things!
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🌪️it’s a scream, BABY ! — h.js
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⚠️NSFW CONTENT⚠️
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ghostface!han jisung x reader
SYPNOSIS: when you thought you finally escaped that psycho who calls himself ghostface . . . think again. he always finds you.
INCLUDES: AFAB reader, ex!bf han jisung, pet names (baby, sweetheart, etc.), slight angst near the end if you squint, SMUTTT, aftercare, ngl kinda rushed oops.
WARNINGS: obsessive behaviour, threatening, mentions of death and murders, han having slight yandere tendencies, DOM!han, fingering, hair pulling, dacryphilia, praise, implied voice kink, knife play, fear play, finger-sucking, rough sex ig idk, begging.
wc: 3.7k
You approach the front door with relief, the aches in your feet swelling after a long day. "I'm home," you call out wearily.
Silence responds. No clattering of dishes from the kitchen, no muffled music from upstairs. Just the low whine of machinery emanating from somewhere.
Frowning, you kick off your heels, biting your lip against the sting of fresh blisters forming at the back of your ankles. Your shoulders slump as you drop onto the couch, its faded pattern doing little to lift your spirits.
Wincing, you massage the ache from your feet, inspecting the angry skin stretched tight over your swollen heels. Exhaustion seeps into your bones as the steady hum of the fan fades into the background. You lean your head back, eyes drifting shut against the gathering gloom. Slipping off your shoes was the first victory of what promises to be a long night ahead.
Laundry, mopping the floor, cleaning out the cupboards; fuck it, that can wait till tomorrow morning.
Sliding the uniform jacket from your shoulders, you sigh with the release of tension. The cool air hits your skin as you unbutton your work blouse, revealing a tank top beneath.
You adjust your skirt, glad to be free of the restrictive waistband and back into casual clothes. Glancing at the clock, you let out a sigh. Your roommate must be still working out late again. So much for a promised and well deserved girl’s night.
For now, though, you tune out the noise and settle further into the couch. Remote in hand, you aimlessly scroll through TV options in search of a mindless distraction. Anything to pull your exhausted mind from the drudgery of the day.
2 years, you frown.
It’s been two years since you’ve moved to seoul after the ghostface attacks from your hometown. You were lucky enough to survive, but the price of your survival was steep. It entailed enduring the loss of friends and family.
Till this day, it’s still a mystery as to who the killer was. Rather, killers as some people theorize.
But you know who he is.
You knew ghostface all too well.
How could you not ? He was the man you once loved and cared for. Until he went batshit insane and claimed to only be doing what’s best for the both of you by killing anyone who came in between your relationship.
You can’t tell the police. You can’t tell anyone. If his name happens to get leaked in the public, you’re the first person he’d go for.
“Stop thinking about him,” you groan, rubbing your temples. He’s probably dead in a ditch somewhere, why stress over it ? You settle on the news channel instead as you slump further into the couch.
“We interrupt your regular programming with breaking news. This is Lee Dae-suk reporting live from the scene. Just moments ago, authorities received a distress call by a janitor from HYBE Co.” you quickly sit up from your seat as you hear these words. That’s where you worked . . .
“Upon arrival, they discovered a chilling scene that has left investigators and the community in shock,” the reporter continues on with how there were two victims from your workplace suffering from injury and were rushed to the er, and the other two were found dead. “. . . the initials G.F. were carved on their chests. Detectives suspect that this traces back to the ghostface attacks of 2021 in [hometown]. We advise all citizens of seoul to be on high alert for potential suspects. Law enforcement officials advises everyone to stay indoors no longer than nine.
We will keep our viewers informed as this case unfolds. We now return to your regular scheduled programming brought to you by—“
You grab the remote and quickly shut off the tv.
“Shit, please f/n, answer your phone,” you gnaw on your nails whilst pacing around the living room. If this is the same ghostface, he must’ve followed you. It would be all your fault for leading him here. The thought makes you sick.
You dial her number again with shaking hands, desperate for an answer.
“Hey—“
“F/n!”
“you’ve reached f/n’s voice mail ! i’ll call you back when—“
“Fuck !” You exclaimed, throwing your phone onto the couch in frustration. The worry and fear is eating you alive. You try calling again and again, each unanswered ring twisting the knot of anxiety in your stomach tighter. With a sigh of defeat, you finally slump down on the couch, cradling your head in your hands.
"She'll be fine...she has to be fine," you say quietly to yourself, taking a slow, steadying breath. But before you can fully calm your racing mind, your phone suddenly rings, the sound jolting through you. Your heart leaps into your throat as you don’t bother checking the caller ID before picking it up with trembling hands.
“Hello ? F/n ?”
- “hey, baby.”
replied a deep, gravelly, modulated voice.
- “miss me ?”
Your breath hitched as you froze. A shiver ran down your spine as your eyes flicker to the open blinds.
“Ghostface.” You acknowledge. From the other line, you could hear him click his tongue in disapproval.
- “I prefer the nickname ‘darling’.”
“What the fuck do you want, Jisung ?” You tried not to show any signs of fear but the slight tremble in your voice says so otherwise.
“What ? Aren’t you gonna go ask me what my favourite scary movie is ?” You made your way in the kitchen as your hand inched to grab a knife.
- “I have a better question. Do you like games, y/n ?”
You pass your index finger between the various knives on the rack, fingers wrapping around the biggest handle.
“Fuck you.”
Jisung can be heard chuckling. His laugh made your stomach twist. What sick bastard thinks all of this is just a game ?
- “Even with that knife in your hand, you’re still as beautiful as ever. And the look of fear in your face ? It’s fucking hot, baby . . .”
You feel your heart starting to race as you flinch and turn around, all your senses now activated.
- “Tell me, are you gonna stab poor ol’ ghostface with that knife ? You aren’t any better from me, y/n.”
He was taunting you and you knew that.
You end the call after telling him that he could go fuck himself before rushing over to the windows and locking them shut. Same goes for the door as well while you clutch the edge of the dinner table as if your body were threatening to collapse.
The phone vibrates in your hand, except this time it wasn’t a call but a notification from the unknown number.
Your hands begin to shake once again as you huff and puff to regain composure, clicking on the notification to reveal a video.
A video of f/n entering her car.
You jumped at another vibration. He’s trying to call you again. The whole situation was frustrating — not only were you scared as shit, also a bit agitated with how he wasn’t just threatening you but your loved ones as well.
You peer down the halls, silently peeking at every room. When you finally accept the call, your heart drops at his words.
- “Hang up on me again, I dare you. I’ll mail this bitch’s head at your door, don’t fucking test me, y/n.”
The violence of his threat burned your eyes but you had no choice but to swallow back your tears. You’d just have to listen, so no one else got hurt. You can’t bear losing anyone—not again . .
“Jisung,” you close your eyes as a shuddered breath escapes your lips. “I’ll listen. I’ll do anything you want, okay ? Just please, don’t hurt anyone.”
He slightly softens at your pleas. Jisung still loves you, with all his heart and he wishes for nothing more than to go back to how things used to be. But he knew better than that, he's already far too deep to return with how he used to be.
- “Such a good girl for me . . . See how easy it is to obey ?”
Despite the fear, you cursed at the way he still had an affect on you. Somewhere in him, it’s still the same Han Jisung you’ve grown to love. The feelings you’ve stored away after all these years were beginning to resurface, and you were ashamed to admit it.
- “hm, what game, what game . . . Have you ever heard of the game hot and cold ?”
You nod, clutching the phone tighter. Words were stuck in your throat and you knew he could see you though he seemed to be dissatisfied.
- “Use your words, beautiful.”
His nicknames are starting to trigger a reaction that you hadn’t expected and felt so guilty. Heat spreads through your body, and shamefully enough, between your legs.
“I have,” you stammer.
- “Alright. Here’s the deal; find me and all of this’ll be over. I’ll leave you alone. Sounds like a plan ?” It seems all too good to be true. Find him and then what ? Will you have to just trust his word and believe that you’ll be finally left alone ?
- “Better start looking, I’m getting impatient here, princess.”
After a few minutes, neither of you spoke. The silence is weighing heavily down on your shoulders. The thought of not knowing where he is and him being able to pop out and slice you at any moment now increased your degree of fear. You walk out of the living room and open your roommate’s door, switching the light on.
- “cold.”
You grumble in response and made your way to your own bed room, eyes landing on the doors of your closet. Hands inching closer to the handles, you hear his breathing become more erratic making you pause.
- “Why’d you stop, baby ? Perhaps I’m in there.”
Your hands trembled as you grab the handles of your closet and pulled it wide open with eyes closed. To your surprise, he wasn’t there.
- “keep looking, sweetheart.” He laughs tauntingly. “Remember, this isn’t some cliche horror movie. The closet, really ?”
- “What's next ? The basement ?”
“Fuck you !” You didn’t wanna play this game anymore. By the time you found him, you’d be dead from a heart attack.
You exit your room and keep walking.
- “still cold.”
Sighing in annoyance, you head for the opposite direction, about to pass the bathroom till he spoke.
- “warmer.”
Taking a deep breath, the door creaks open as you step inside, flicking the light switch on. You inch closer to the shower curtain, letting out a tiny whimper.
- “You’re getting so warm. Very good, baby.”
You never had a thing for praise till now and let me just say that shit made your knees buckle. You wish you could just tell him to stop messing with you, the whole situation itself was already confusing enough.
- “Now you’re boiling.”
You grip the shower curtain and throw it open.
Nothing.
Absolutely, nothing.
“Bastard,” you groan. “Show yourself, asshole ! I’ll beat the shit out of you !“
- “hey now, no need to get violent. Keep talking to me like that and I’ll fuck that attitude out of you,” han spat.
“I’m done with your shit. Grow a pair and come at me, why don’t you ?” You held your phone tightly in your hand you could’ve crushed it. You head to the kitchen and grab a glass of water to soothe your dry throat. You laugh in realization, “I doubt you’re even here. God, I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I fell for it. How else could you send the video if her work’s like miles and miles away ?”
- “you asked for it. No backing out, ‘kay babe ?”
You pause. “What ?”
You immediately drop the glass along with your phone as a gloved hand reaches from behind to clasp over your mouth. Letting out a muffled scream, you thrash in his grasp, reaching to grab the knife from the counter but his free hand swiftly takes hold of both of your wrists and binding them behind your back as the masked man hunches you over the counter.
“Surprise, y/n.”
Tears blur your vision with your screams and whimpers getting muffled by jisung’s glove. He lets go, giving you some time to catch your breath.
“Let go, jisung !”
He inhales audibly, bringing you tight against him. “Scared, sweetheart ? I know you want this as much as I do . . . Think I didn’t notice the way you were practically soaking wet with just my voice ?” His hips push forward and the massive shape of his hard cock makes you weak. “Such a naughty, naughty girl.”
The unwelcome throb between your legs is spreading through your abdomen. A moan threatens to leave your mouth but you manage to bite your lip. His hand inches lower, slipping through the waistband of your shorts, clenching your thighs to refrain from giving him access.
“Open those legs for me, pretty girl,” he clicks his tongue, getting impatient.
“Burn in hell.”
With that little comment, he rips off your shorts along with your lacy panties. A new complaint comes from the back of your throat and you start to squirm and thrash again, unconsciously moving your ass against his clothed cock to push him away.
He snickers, keeping you pinned on the counter. “Impatient, are we ?” He lifts his robe and tugs his sweatpants down. Han jerks you back against him, pulling you off the counter and holding you tight against his hard dick.
“I missed you,” he rips his mask off, trailing kissing along your neck while he taps the flat of the knife against your cheek. “So fucking much . . .”
“What do you want ?” You gulp, melting in his tight embrace. God, you missed this. You missed him.
“You.” He rolls his eyes, “thought it was pretty obvious, but guess i have to spell it out.”
Han lightly trails the tip of the knife down your cleavage and stomach, applying more pressure afterwards to slice your tank top open. The cold air hitting your hardened nipples and the knife lightly dragging along your breasts made you gasp and arch your back against him.
He teases your cunt with the handle, dragging the object along your folds as he circles your clit with it. “Like that, sweetheart ?”
You moan as he smiles at the cry he drew from you.
“Use your words, baby,”
You took a shaky breath, hips swaying. “Fuck you, han jisung.”
He plasters on an amused smile as he shoves the handle in your cunt.
“I really gotta fix that nasty attitude of yours.” He says, taking his glove off.
He replaces the handle with his fingers, gently curling them as he moves it in and out your sopping pussy. You draw out a long whine, legs trembling and you could barely keep yourself up. “Oh god…. Fuck, jisung….”
The cute noises you were making encourages him to keep going as he picks up the pace, thrusting his fingers harder and deeper.
His other hand reaches up and closes his fist around your throat, scissoring his fingers inside of you. You’re reaching for logic, for dignity, but everywhere there’s only him.
Your moans were getting louder and louder at each plunge of his fingers, deciding ‘fuck it’ since it felt too good to stop now. His thumb pressed your clit in a delicious way which brought a familiar sensation in your lower belly. The coil in your stomach tightens painfully.
Han grins at this, knowing you were close.
He purposely pulls his fingers out before your release, suddenly feeling empty as a long string of curses and whines spill from your lips.
“Seriously ? Literally what the fuck—“
Han silences you by pushing the two fingers into your mouth.
His fingers skillfully venture deeper into your throat. The slight pressure causes you to choke momentarily, a mix of vulnerability and exhilaration flooding your senses. Your lips form a tight seal around his fingers, tongue swirling and sucking on them as the primal desire to please him fuels your actions while you greedily lapped your tongue.
His mouth, warm and eager, delicately explored the tender flesh of your neck beneath his lips. The sensation sends shivers down your spine, breath hitching in anticipation as he lines himself up against your entrance.
Moaning, you can’t help but impatiently grind against him
“What’s wrong baby ?” Han releases his fingers from your mouth as you gasp for air. “want my cock instead ?”
You nod eagerly.
His grip on your hip tightens as he tugs your hair back, eliciting a curt hiss from your hips. “Words, y/n.”
“Yes . . Please, I want you so bad, please fuck me.”
“Good girl.” He wastes no time sheathing and snapping himself inside of you, his thrust knocking the wind out of your lungs. He swears quietly, feeling how soft your walls were pulsing around him — warm and perfect, everything he missed over the past few years. You choke on your words, eyes fogging with tears as you slur out random sentences.
He grunts, starting off slow. “Thought I stretched you out pretty good but you’re still so goddamn tight. When was the last time you fucked someone, pretty baby ?”
Han deepens his strokes but keeps a teasingly slow pace. “Pl—Please, Jisung-ah …. go faster.” You sniffle, pathetically begging for his cock at this point. It hurt too much. You needed him more than ever.
“Where's the girl who was telling me to burn in hell a couple of minutes ago ?” He laughs and grabs your jaw to turn and face him, “you look better so needy for me like that . . Now, answer my question.” A groan leaves your mouth as his grip gets tighter.
“Since you left !” You sob as he rocks his hips faster, quickly fucking into your heat. “I haven’t found anyone as good as you, jisung-ah—“
He grins, roughly pinning you down on the counter. It was the answer he exactly wanted to hear.
You gasp as he hits a particularly sensitive spot, beginning to see stars as he brings a hand around to the front, running a finger against your swollen clit.
Moving inside of you at a nearly brutal pace, as you feel your release come closer and closer. He feels it too with the way you tighten around him. “M’cumming,” you whine, but he doesn’t stop. Then you came, walls clenching around him as he fucked you through your orgasm. Your legs tremble under the intensity, tapping on his arm for him to let you breathe for a second.
His hands grab your waist and uses it as leverage to thrust into you, leaving you little to no time to at least catch your breath. You try to speak but another one of his hard thrusts trigger a loud moan.
“Doing so well for me, baby. Think you can cum a second time ?” You moan brokenly, unable to respond. Your tongue hangs from your swollen lips and your throat feels dry. You never expected being fucked silly by the one and only han jisung ever again but here we are. You feel selfish for not wanting it to end and for wanting to be with him again.
He pulls you up and flips you around, hungrily smashing his lips against yours as if he’s been waiting to finally taste and have you all to himself for decades.
- - - -
“I hate you,” you groan as he lays you down on the soft mattress of your bed. “so fucking much.” Han only ever grins in response as he wipes away the cum trickling down your inner thighs.
You can barely move. You can’t even twitch a single finger.
Your limbs were sore and it was all his fault.
Summoning the last ounce of strength within you, you deliver a knee to his abdomen, eliciting a deep grunt from his lips. A look of mild annoyance crosses his face as he settles down beside you, encircling your waist with his strong arm. He presses his face into the soft curve of your neck, his fingertips tracing soothing circles along the tender flesh of your thighs.
“I missed you,”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry.”
You didn’t respond to that.
Suddenly, your lips meet in a sweet collision, a mingling of desire and longing. The taste of anticipation linger on your tongues as Han’s kisses began soft and tender, gentle brushes of lips that convey a depth of emotion words could never capture. With each meeting of your mouths, your passion ignites, growing more fervent, more urgent.
His hand cradles your cheek, his thumb tracing the curve of your jawline, while your fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him closer, deepening the ardor of your embrace. Your mouths moved in perfect synchronicity, exploring and claiming, as if they were trying to memorize every contour, every taste.
The moment is abruptly shattered by the piercing wail of police sirens echoing just outside the house. Panic grips your heart, forcing you to acknowledge the harsh reality that the person you love is still a criminal; a killer.
With a heavy sigh, he gently drapes the covers over your form, shielding you from the impending chaos. Reluctantly, he pulls himself away, but not without leaving a lingering kiss upon your trembling lips, as if to imprint his love upon you, even in the face of uncertainty.
"Y/n?!" A familiar voice calls out from outside, the voice of your roommate.
His lips press against your forehead, his touch both comforting and fleeting. Your fingers instinctively cling to his sleeve, desperately trying to hold onto the moments you have shared.
"Wait, Jisung..." you plead, your voice laced with apprehension and longing. Your thumbs nervously fiddle with each other, betraying the whirlwind of emotions swirling within you.
A mischievous smile plays upon his lips as he leans closer, his voice a whispered reassurance. "Will you come back?" The thought of losing him again scared you.
"It isn’t that easy to get rid of me," he smiles cheekily as he opens the window sill, "Don't miss me too much.
“Remember, whether you like it or not, I'll always find you."
a/n: the amount of times ive watched all of the scream movies (esp 1, 4, and 6) is not healthy</3
also, han jisung brain rot wkjanjanw
this was honestly supposed to be a two part with minsung but i decided against it idk kinda wanna do more ghostface aus with ateez or something
like im boutta write some ethan landry x readers cus lemme js say 😮💨😮💨😮💨
#reader insert#stray kids#kpop scenarios#kpop x reader#han jisung x reader#han jisung smut#kpop oneshots#kpop smut#stray kids smut#ghostface au#x reader
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Listen, y'all outside of the Israel/Palestine situation can have whatever opinions you have, but as someone who woke up at 7am by the sounds of sirens and who has friends and family living in the danger zone, I honestly don't give a shit, and no other israel or palestinian gives a shit either over what some dumb fuck on the internet who's never experienced war or even been in a bomb shelter has to say. I pray that my palestinian friends are safe, and that they will suffer as little as possible. People on both sides are DYING. You can have your bullshit, experienceless opinion all you want, but fact is people here are suffering, and you, person getting angry and writing shitty tumblr posts, are not.
Go to hell, people are dying and you making anti-semetic/anti-palestinian post is helping no one but your pathetic ego
Edit: there's were just attacks where I live (which is considered safe) and I'm gonna be completely honest, I'm terrified, for both sides. PLEASE if you're in Palestine/Israel dm/reblog/comment to let me know your ok. We need to support each other through this. This is going to cause us all so much trauma, and we need to hold each other's hands.
#palestine#israel#ישראבלר#ישרבלר#sorry for being harsh but I'm sick of this shit#tw bomb#tw bombing#tw war#tw war mention#i'm really sorry everyone
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Continuing to think about the horror of what happens to John, and the horrors of love...
When Alecto has first been created, she says to him "I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?" and "What have you done to me?"
They're heartbreaking questions she has every right to ask, but there's something awful and ironic about them too. Because John also might have asked "what have you done to me?"
It's easy to get distracted by the cartoonish awfulness of John's own narration: "talk about police abuse", "come on, love. Guys as careful as me don't have accidents," "love a working tram system." But all of these comments come after moments where John has unwittingly come into proximity with violent death, an experience he repeatedly likens to having drugs forcibly injected into him; an omniscient, dream-like, out of body experience that seems to propel him forward through his basest impulses. The first time this happens, he's brought back from "the verge of something insane" by being shaken violently by P-. Lines like these aren't revealing John's diabolical plotting. They're a man who would rather own atrocities as premeditated than admit that he was losing his grip.
The second is when he encounters the soul of the earth. His human mind makes contact with the incoherent, furious soul of a planet. In any other context, this would be straightforwardly Lovecraftian. And everything he describes after that is full of elipses, jumbled, and detached. His friends are shot by gun-toting cultists and he says it was like a dream.
Hearing the earth screaming, feeling his friends' deaths under his skin like a drug, he might well have asked "what have you done to me?"
Alecto said to him, "I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?" But as everything collapses, John says:
"I thought you were going to take me, somehow. Purge me. Use me as an instrument. But you didn't say anything...I was babbling, Show me. Come on. I'm ready. You kept screaming and screaming..."
John has spent months becoming something terrifying, an entity with yellow eyes and uncanny powers. He's discovered that death has an overwhelming impact on him that he cannot fully control. Everyone was relying on him to do something. And he did so many things: well-meaning things and stupid things and things that were lashing out in rage and frustration. Hundreds of people have died because of him. His friends have died because of him. Surely, surely there was a point to this. Surely there was meaning. Surely whatever did this to him, made him into this, had a greater plan.
But there is no plan. There is no great revelation. He tries to hurt the earth, to provoke some kind of answer, but the screaming continues. And when P dies, the person who snapped him out of it the last time, John lets go and the whole world dies.
John is kneeling on the grass vomiting up dirt and tearing out his own ribs, saying "there was still too much of me that was just a human being...", trying to swallow the soul of the earth. And by the end, the one shred he has to hold onto is a memory of playing with a doll as a child. That, and his anger...
The earth tried to reach out in the only way it could, amidst its incoherent suffering. And John tried to use the abilities it gave him, but he was only human. Fallible and proud and angry.
She said, "I still love you." And the horror; the horror of love, the horror of this story, is that to begin with they did this to each other.
To be clear: I don't mean to diminish the awfulness or the very specific forms that John's violence against Alecto takes, and continues to take across the story. I don't mean to excuse his own self-mythologisation. I certainly don't think he's blameless for the decisions he made and the agenda he pursued. But if there's one thing that happens over and over again in TLT, it's that the horror of love is not a one-way street.
And I wonder, in light of what we now know about the permeability of the soul, quite where John ends and Alecto begins. And when that blurring began...
#the locked tomb#tlt meta#john gaius#alecto the first#Can't wait to see what the Eldritch Alpha Couple get up to in ATN
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can u guess which gif will be at the end of this. can you guess. i'll bet at least a few of you can guess XD
Charlie: "New plan- group bonding through shared, SAFE, suffering!"
Alastor: “Oh joy~”
Husk: "Not this fucking shit again."
Angel Dust: "Well hey as long as it's consensual sufferin'~"
Niffty: (lifts arms at vaggie) "YEEET ME!!!"
Vaggie: "Ughh... no."
Niffty: "Aww."
Vaggie: "I'm never living that one down am I?"
Charlie: "Vaggie, you don't need to live anything down EVER-"
Alastor: "Cough cough! Lied to her girlfriend for three years, cough cough!"
Angel Dust: "Dude you're not supposed t' SAY cough."
Husk: “That’s the part you’re fucking annoyed at?”
Charlie: "-and the POINT is, your whole idea about going through hell to trust the people who go through it with you? Not entirely on the wrong track!"
Vaggie: "Yaaay."
Husk: "You fucked up but for the right un-shitty reasons."
Vaggie: "Great. Thanks."
Charlie: "SO! We're all gonna share the worst work day of our lives with each other!"
Niffty: "Share?" (excited) "By INFLICTING them on each other!?"
Charlie: "Talking, Niffty. We're going to, talk about them."
Niffty: "Aww...."
Husk: "Is there a time limit."
Angel Dust: "Is there a rating limit?"
Alastor: (thoughtful) "Does it still count as a terrible work day if I was able to murder them at the end of it?"
Charlie: "Uhhhh-"
Vaggie: "How 'bout we stick to how it made us feel, rather than all the... X rated... gory details?"
Niffty: (sighs) (slumps over) "This is my worst most terrible work day ever.."
Charlie: "And how do you FEEL about it?"
Niffty: "Sad..."
Vaggie: "I'll let you use my spear for roach hunting after this."
Niffty: (bouncing up) "OH THE EMOTIONS! WHATEVER ONES YOU WANT FROM ME I DON'T CARE, I HAVE THEM!!!"
Husk: "What the fuck."
Angel Dust: "Yeesh."
Charlie: "Okay that's, that's enough sharing from you. Good, um, good job!"
Niffty: "Spear spear spear-"
Charlie: "Well MY worst work day was definitely the one where we were besieged by an army of murderous angels heaven-bent on the full scale slaughter of most of my family! And they actually did kill one! Yeah- that." (laughs) "That fucking sucked and I hated it!"
Angel Dust, Husk, Niffty: (GASP)
Charlie: "What? What??"
Angel Dust: "You said the "H" word, toots.."
Vaggie: "She said a lot more than that while writing an angry text to heaven afterwards."
Charlie: "Hey! You checked the text for me- you know I was polite!"
Vaggie: "Charlie, it was the most aggressively polite 'fuck off' anyone's ever written in the history of all creation. I’m so proud of you for it."
Charlie: "Heh."
Alastor: “Cough get a room please cough.”
Angel Dust: “’m TELLING YOU that’s NOT how it’s supposed ‘t WORK you're not supposed t' SAY IT-”
Charlie: "Ah-hem. Um. Husk? Worst work day-?"
Husk: "Still living it."
Hotel Crew: "....."
Husk: "...but you stupid fuckers are keeping me company through it, so, fucking thanks I guess."
Charlie: (tearful) "Oh Husk. That's so..."
Angel Dust: "Love you too, Mr. Whiskers~"
Husk: "Shut the fuck up."
Vaggie: "Hey."
Husk: "Him, not her. The day your “her” shuts the fuck up is the day we all know we're fucked."
Charlie: "Gosh I hope not." (wipes eyes) "Angel Dust? You wanna...?"
Angel Dust: "My worst shitty day was also my BEST day."
Charlie: (bracing herself) "O...kay...?"
Angel Dust: "A friend came to work an' almost killed the boss for me. Can ya believe that? An' the only reason she didn't open him up a few new 'fun' an' 'interestin' holes of his own was 'cause I had to stop her."
Vaggie: "HELL YEAH!"
Charlie: "You mean-"
Angel Dust: "Yeah. Thanks, apple cheeks. I spent good crack money commissionin' fanart of you wrecking his shit."
Charlie: "WHAT!?"
Vaggie: "You have GOT to let me see that."
Charlie: "VAGGIE!"
Vaggie: "Oh come on, it's better than him buying crack, right?"
Angel Dust: "It def looks waaay better on my wall."
Charlie: "I- that's not-"
Niffty: "Is there BLOOD?"
Charlie: "Oh please don't let there be any-"
Angel Dust: "SO much blood, baby."
Charlie: "Noooo...!"
Vaggie: "Now I really need to see it."
Charlie: "H-WHA?"
Husk: "I really need a fucking drink."
Charlie: "I'm- you know what? I'm pretending I didn't hear any of that. La la la! I have complete deniability!"
Alastor: "That's the spirit! You hardly knew him, certainly never fantasized about decorating him with his own entrails! Just keep reminding yourself of that while hiding the body~!"
Charlie: "NO! Just.... well maybe for him..."
Vaggie: "You're so pretty."
Charlie: (pouting) "We need to commission a piece of you standing over Lute with your spear at her throat. It's not FAIR otherwise."
Vaggie: "Anything for you, babe."
Alastor: "How saccharine. Young love hand in hand, spattered in blood."
Charlie: "A-anyway. Alastor. Your turn."
Alastor: "Hmm. Well, there was the time someone reorganized the reels, somehow without mentioning it to me before air time. And without asking me before hand. But..."
Husk: "Here it comes."
Alastor: "Reorganized their organs for them later that night, likewise unasked, was QUITE fun."
Charlie: "I THOUGHT WE SAID WE COULD JUST TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS!"
Alastor: "My feelings?"
Niffty: "PURE UNDILUTED JOY"
Alastor: "Mm no, they didn't scream enough for that..."
Charlie: "AAAAAH!" (covers ears)
Alastor: "Shall we say perhaps, accomplished?"
Vaggie: "Over one murder? Wow. You're sure easy to please."
Alastor: "I've always believed in quality not quantity when it comes to my passion projects. Swift, thoughtless killings are so passé."
Angel Dust: "Y'know, meeting you has really ruined the whole dashing dapper man w' a tinted glass monocle for me. It's that creepy grin. You're a total boner kill."
Alastor: "Oh I do try."
Vaggie: "What about the day you died? Didn't you get fucking shot like a deer, venison a la Alastor?"
Alastor: "Fan of my history, hmm?"
Vaggie: "The TV future about it is pretty funny, not gonna lie."
Alastor: "Ah ha ha! TV DID YOU SAY."
Vaggie: "Vox airs it. Every day."
Alastor: "AND YOU WATCHED IT. HMM?"
Vaggie: "Every. Day."
Angel Dust: "I bring the popcorn and pills."
Husk: "I mix the fucking drinks."
Niffty: "I wish it had more BLOOD!"
Alastor: "ET TU, NIFFTY?"
Charlie: "Okay okay, that's WAY more than enough from you, reel back in the shadow monsters please-"
Alastor: "AHAHAHAH...!" (fades into shadows)
Angel Dust: "Creep. He's prob'ly vaping off to go curse the TV again."
Husk: "For mother fuck. I've got that cooking show coming on tonight. Will smacking the aerial with the angel spear get it working again?"
Vaggie: "Probably...?"
Charlie: "Vaggie!" (desperate) (hopeful) "You have a normal worst day at work to finish this exercise off with, right!?"
Vaggie: "...."
Vaggie: "Uh, well sweetie...."
#hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#chaggie#vaggie#angel dust hazbin hotel#husk hazbin hotel#niffty hazbin hotel#alastor the radio demon#incorrect quotes#made the gif first and was like wait#oh no#it's MORE hotel bonding time....!
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I actually asked another creator this too, but if your requests ARE open, can you do a comfort fic where Abby starts dating reader and it's like her first relationship outside of a manipulative/controlling/abusive relationship? where abbys just super sweet and reassuring and just :((
I love your writing sm so!!
Palestine: what can you do
I'm ready to suffer (and I'm ready to hope)
Okay actually I saw these amazing women who are paediatric PTs on youtube and thought Abby would make an amazing paediatric PT, so this is modern au!
Tw for the mentions of abusive situations.
/-/-/-/-/-/-
When you finally leave Sandy you swear to not ever date again.
And you don’t.
You find a therapist and start spending more time with your friends again. They’re incredibly supportive of you and they don’t let you sit at home, always asking you to hang out or go somewhere. They’re eager to introduce the world back to you and it’s wonderful, but you’re exhausted. Sandy took every piece of you and it's damn hard work to gain it back, and dealing with the fear of being shamed for not having a good time when your friends put so much effort into it is very hard. It takes a lot of reminders from them to make you feel okay, but somewhere in your mind you still expect them to blow out on you. They never do.
And you start to feel like you’re in a good place now. Of course, when we feel like we’re finally free, the Universe needs us to remember how much work is still ahead of us. Your reminder comes to your work at the end of the work day on Friday with a bouquet of lilies that smell as suffocating as the person holding them.
“Hi baby.” Sandy smiles at you, but you don’t move closer than 3 feet. You want to go around her if she had a bomb in these flowers.
The good thing - you expected it. You weren’t surprised to see her here, so she lost her element of shock that would have disarmed you.
“What do you want?” You ask coldly.
“Come on baby, it’s Friday! I thought it would be a good time for us to go on a date, discuss what happened and you know, make up. I miss you.”
You clench your fists. She wants to discuss what happened - is she ready to admit her mistakes and change? Is it a sign that everything will work out this time?
No. No “this time”.
“I have plans.”
The angry furrow on Sandy's face just proves you made the right decision. The bouquet falls on the floor and she starts crying.
“I thought you loved me!” Sandy howls and your colleagues are now paying attention to the whole situation. “You have a date, don't you? Already moved on, huh? Fucking slut.”
It's humiliating, but you understand with horror that you're used to it. It's not the first time when your coworkers see Sandy in this state.
“I'm just hanging out with Niki.” You reassure Sandy because you don't want to hurt her - she is a human after all and she was always so jealous, so insecure about your loyalty. People betrayed her in the past, and you have a hard time blaming her.
“Of course, the moment I'm out of the picture Niki is there to lick your wounds! I bet she does more than just licking your wounds.”
The shame flares up and you take a breath. You slipped up. You fell for her shit again.
“It doesn't concern you anymore.”
You don't wait for her answer, too scared she will get to you again. You turn around and go into the office where she will not be allowed to follow.
At your next appointment with your therapist, you're pissed off at yourself.
“Why did I even speak to her? I knew it would end badly!”
“Well, it's normal to speak to people when they speak to you. You told her you're busy and she tried to manipulate you again, but you slowed down, noticed what she was doing, and made the right decision. I'd say this situation shows how much progress you've made. You protected yourself.”
These words bring you back to reality. You sigh.
“She will come to my work again.”
Dr. Spencer hums.
“You told me before that you would like to explore different opportunities in your work field. Maybe you should take yourself on that.”
This is how you end up getting a job as the nurse in a paediatric clinic. It is in a different place of the city and takes a different route, so Sandy won’t be able to catch you at a metro station if she tries. You don’t tell your colleagues where you’re going, just saying you wanted to take time for yourself and relax, removing the possibility of Sandy finding you again.
You're excited - working with kids and helping them seems like an opportunity to heal something in yourself by doing something good. The head of the clinic, Sevika, gives you a tour after your final interview to meet the team and she also introduces you to the doctor you’ll be working with.
“Doctor Anderson?” Sevika calls when you enter the office. “Do you have a minute?”
“Yeah, hang on.” The voice of this woman is soft and friendly, and it reassures you.
“I want you to meet your new nurse.”
Something falls and you hear a children’s song playing and the room is not illuminated by different colours. Adorable.
“Sorry, it’s a mess here.” You hear her voice again and then Dr. Anderson emerges.
You just stare. She is tall and has broad shoulders, her compression shirt under her scrubs shows off her muscled arms - which is expected, she is a PT - her blonde hair is braided and her braid rests on her shoulder. Dr. Anderson is incredibly pretty, and you’re a woman enough to admit it and stay professional.
“Hi. I’m Abby.” Dr. Anderson smiles and holds her hand for a handshake.
You tell her your name and shake her hand - god, the grip these women have here.
“Would you walk Ms. (Y/n) through everything here?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Dr. Anderson shows you everything: where is all the equipment, the toys for kids, the changing room. She tells you all about the protocols - which you���re familiar with as well, except for dealing with overprotective parents and dealing with kids’ pain: at your previous clinic you mostly worked with adults.
“I’m very excited.” You admit after your tour is finished.
“Yeah?” Dr. Anderson grins. “Be prepared to learn a lot of baby songs.”
You laugh and feel very optimistic. You feel like you can have your life back now.
Your first day might not go as smoothly as you wanted, but Dr. Anderson is patient with you. She doesn’t snap at you when you follow her instruction wrong for the third time and doesn’t tell you off after patients leave. She just gives you tips and leaves it to you to correct it. You don’t know if she notices how you flinched in fear when you made a mistake the first time or if she is always like this, but you’re grateful anyway.
The kids are adorable and resilient, they don’t give up and it makes you cry a little. The way Dr. Anderson praises them and holds them and explains to parents what she is doing is admirable. Watching her hold a 3yo toddler on her palms is equally impressive and attractive. Dr. Anderson is attractive, it’s hard not to be drawn to her, but you shove your emotions deep, deep down - it’s incredibly unprofessional. You complain about it to Dr. Spencer and she just chuckles and reminds you, “Attraction happens unconsciously and you can’t control it, so stop fighting it.” It annoys you that she is right.
After three months working together you become friends and you call Dr. Anderson Abby now. Because honestly, she looks absolutely ridiculous in her Hello Kitty cap. You find your rhythm and now you work extremely smoothly - you know exactly when the kid needs to be distracted or when Abby needs your help during different exercises.
And Abby doesn’t tell you - because she is also aware how unprofessional she is - but she adores you. You’re so good with kids it makes Abby jealous sometimes, how you somehow know what exactly will stop the kid from crying. You’re also good with her - you take as much as possible from her shoulders and Abby now has someone to rely on.
She knows she is ears deep in love when you send her a video of a bright squeaky octopus and tell her you’re going to buy it for her office and then a few days later you admit to her that it’s actually a dog toy and you got in a pet section. Abby cackles and promises not to tell anyone. Especially since the octopus is a hit with a few kids she is treating.
Abby is desperate. She knows she can’t ask you on a date, but love makes a fool out of the best of us, so on the day that marks four months since you’ve been working together, Abby goes to Sevika’s office to embarrass herself.
“You’re embarrassing yourself, Dr. Anderson.” Sevika tells her as much. “Ms. (Y/n) is not employed by you and you have no authority over her. Ask the girl out and don’t waste my time. If it goes south I’ll just send her to Grayson.”
“Thanks, Sevika.”
“Get the fuck out, Anderson.”
Abby laughs and goes back to work, hopeful.
And Abby is not delusional - you do like her. She is caring and patient and funny as hell. But you’re too scared both because you’re her nurse and because as much as you work in therapy, Sandy doesn’t let go of you. Dr. Spencer had to deal with your multiple spirals after you started working with Abby and fucking up or thinking you’re fucking up. “Now name me 10 things that are different about Dr. Anderson and Sandy” was said at least 5 times. Well, your life is routine based so you schedule your spirals once a month, it seems.
So yes, you like Abby a lot. But you’re so broken that when Abby finally gains courage and,
“Do you have plans this weekend?”
“Sleep for 12 hours counts?” You laugh, oblivious.
“Would you-“ Abby takes a big breath and now you’re panicking, scared she’ll tell you something mean. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”
You just stand there and stare at her in shock. Abby gives you time, but her nerves are not that strong, so she gives up when the silence starts to feel too big.
“I’m sorry.” Abby says as politely as possible, not wanting to burden you with her disappointment. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I-uh- no, it’s okay! I just- I didn’t expect it.” You say while anxiety is buzzing inside you. “I upset you, I’m sorry.” You cringe when you understand you projected onto Abby again.
“Hey, it’s totally fine. I understand, believe me.” Abby smiles.
You’re too scared to agree - you don’t feel like you’re ready for dating - so you let the awkward silence fill the room.
That evening you spend overthinking, convincing yourself Abby deserves better, that you’re not good enough for her and you can’t involve her in your issues.
“So Dr. Anderson, who you like, likes you back?” Dr. Spencer asks when you retell her the whole story. “Why don’t you tell her you’d go on a date with her?”
“Because I’m not what she needs. She needs someone who is better than whatever I am.” Dr. Spencer nods compassionately. She wants to bring your attention to how you speak about yourself, but she chooses to go on a different route.
“Don’t take her choice away. Let her decide what she needs. After all, who is the expert on her needs?”
“She is.” You admit and feel like you can breathe again. You're not responsible for Abby's choices, so you can't decide for her. It makes you feel free.
Abby is not having the time of her life on Saturday evening, moping around and cringing at herself for asking you out and reading the situation wrong, when her phone rings. She sees your contact and her heart speeds up from anxiety and hope.
“Hello?”
“Hi, it’s me. I-um. I’m sorry for yesterday, I was just- Sorry, not the point. Is your offer still standing?” You sound extremely nervous and it’s cute. Abby smiles and chuckles, happy.
“Yes. Of course.” She says softly and hears your shaky sigh. “Are you free tomorrow?”
You’re very nervous on your first date with Abby - you don’t want to upset her. So you dress and redress and redress until you think you don’t look too embarrassing. Abby smiles and compliments your outfit when she sees you, and some of your anxiety goes away. You’re painfully aware that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells during your date - Abby took you to an art gallery and then to dinner - and you know it’s not because of Abby. Abby has been so sweet and considerate the whole time and you’re sure she doesn’t feel comfortable with how tense you are at some moments, but the past still grips you tightly.
So you come clean to her when you go for a walk after dinner.
“I’m sorry I’ve been weird.” You start and Abby looks at you to show that she is listening. “My past relationship was not great and I’m dealing with the aftermath now. Sometimes it’s hard for me to stay grounded in reality.” You’re so deeply ashamed of yourself you can’t look at Abby. You expect her to dump you right away, or laugh at you, or call you weird, but nothing like this happens.
“Oh.” She says, surprised. She thought you were just shy, but it makes sense. “Thank you for telling me. Is it why you didn’t agree to the date when I asked you on Friday?”
“Yeah. Sorry.” You cringe, but Abby looks at you softly.
“Don’t. We all have our battles. I’m glad you called me back.”
You can’t help your smile. Abby can’t help but to ask if she can kiss you.
The first sign of how “not great” your past relationship was happens three weeks into dating. It was the end of the day and you were packing your things when your phone made a sound. You quickly checked it and then looked at Abby, panicked. Abby stops packing her bag, worried.
“Did something happen?”
“N-no. My friend just texted me. She asked me if we could go for drinks.” You admit, scared to lie to Abby and scared she will not be pleased with you. “Can I?”
“Can you what?” Abby asks, confused, but your mind is registering it as anger. You take a breath to calm down.
“Can I go? If you don’t want me to, I won’t, I promise.”
Abby stops completely. Her heart breaks when she understands what is happening, and why it’s happening.
“Baby, hey. Take a breath, yeah?” She speaks softly and comes closer to you to hold your hands gently. “I’m not going to be mad if you go anywhere, especially to meet your friends. You don’t need to ask my permission, okay? You’re your own person with your own life.”
You sniffle and Abby coos and hugs you tightly.
“I’m sorry.” You say into her shoulder. “I just-“
“It takes time to heal. I understand.” You cry even harder in her arms. “I promise I’m not going to be mad about it. Can’t be sure about Kyle though.”
You laugh through your tears - Kyle is a two year old who is obsessed with the noises you can make. It’s the only thing that keeps him calm when he does his exercises, and you have to be in the room during his appointments.
“Thank you.” You tell Abby honestly and she kisses your forehead.
You’re still nervous when you go to see Niki the next day, but Abby just tells you to be safe and call her if you need her, and that she can pick you up if you want her to. You’re not sure, and you tell her that, and that you will text her if you change your mind. It’s scary, to put a boundary, but Abby just kisses your cheek and tells you to have fun.
“You look so happy.” Niki tells you after you caught up on mundane news and gossip.
“I’m actually dating someone.” You confess and Niki's mouth hangs open in a dramatic shock.
“Really? And how is it going? What’s her name? Do you have a picture?”
“Her name is Abby. We work together, and she is amazing.” You giggle and show Niki one of the pictures you took together when you were fooling around at the clinic.
“Wow. She looks strong.” Niki winks and you get flustered. “I hope she treats you well.”
“I told her about Sandy. She has been very patient with my bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit.” Niki frowns, stubborn. “Sandy is a fucking psycho and she really hurt you.”
“Abby told me she can pick me up if I want her to, but I’m not sure. It’s hard to understand what is normal behaviour and what is not.” You admit and Niki squeezes your bicep, showing her support.
“Well, when we hung out while you were with Sandy, she texted you constantly and then showed up ten minutes later to drag you out of here.”
“It wasn’t like this at first.”
“No, at first she was just constantly texting you and asking you about stupid shit.” Niki says pointedly and eyes your phone that hasn't made a sound during the whole evening. "I think your girlfriend just cares about you. You know, like a decent person."
You end up texting Abby and asking her to come when you and Niki feel like it’s time to go home. Abby replies with a thumb up, and then 20 minutes later she enters the pub and smiles at you. You introduce Niki to Abby and they shake hands while you laugh at Niki’s face when she gets to experience a handshake with a PT.
“Are you ready to go or do you guys want to have some more time? I’ll wait.” Your heart feels swollen from feelings: Abby is so sweet you can’t help but nuzzle into her side. “I feel like this is the answer.” She chuckles and Niki coos at you two.
“Let’s go.” Niki smiles like a fox, happy to see you happy.
“Do you have a ride?” Abby asks Niki while she gives you her forearm to hold on to. “We can drop you off.”
“No, I called a taxi already.” She smiles and winks at you.
When you go outside Abby takes off her jacket and places it around you shoulders and you smile like a lovesick idiot. It’s not even this chilly, but Abby still thinks of your comfort.
When Niki is safe in her taxi, you both get inside Abby’s car as well.
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah.” You smile.
“Good.”
The fights, as it turns out, are not scary or loud or violent - you’re baffled by the fact that Abby actually listens to you when you voice your concerns. You expect her to lash out or tell you you’re imagining things or that you’re making a villain out of her, but nothing like this happens. Abby has her own issues: she is very problem-solving focused and her first reaction is “how can I/we fix this”, and it hurts when you actually want her to comfort you, but you both learn how to deal with it. You honestly can’t even call them fights, they’re more like troubleshoots.
What is scary is that the first few times when you voice your problems and Abby reacts like a normal person, you bottle up your anxiety. You exhaust yourself with overthinking: is Abby going to leave you? Are you too much to handle? Are you being a burden? How long before your stupid whims will make Abby sick of you?
You can’t bear it. You see how patient Abby is with kids, how she pushes them just enough for them to progress and evolve, how kind she is, how she calls them “sirs” and “ma’ams” when they do something on their own, and all you can think is that you don’t deserve her. How amazing Abby is and how fucked up you are, and how much problems you cause.
You’re spiralling, and you know it, able to recognise your own insanity now, but you can’t stop it. But the one thing Dr. Spencer taught you is to speak up, and one day, when you’re at Abby’s place, you find your courage to speak up.
“Am I being too much?”
“Hm?” Abby is confused. She is often confused when your issues come out of nowhere. “What do you mean?”
“Will you break up with me because I ask for too much?” You ask quietly, really trying to ignore how your voice shakes because you’re on the verge of tears.
Abby stares at you for a second, but in the next she is hugging you. The dam inside you breaks and you sob into her chest, letting all anxiety go out.
“I will not leave you. I’m here. You don’t ask for too much, baby, you barely ask for anything. Ask for more, ask the world from me, okay? Ask for the most ridiculous shit, it’ll only make me love you more.” Abby murmurs and your sobs get louder. “Let it out, yeah, let it out. I love taking care of you, it’s my favourite thing in the world.”
“I’m just so scared.” You say into Abby’s chest as you cling to her. “I want to be deserving of you.”
“Baby, you’re deserving of me just by existing. You’re here and this alone makes me happy.”
Abby lets you cry it out and then brings you some water when you calm down. You are still vulnerable and anxious, but Abby cuddles you and talks to you to soothe you.
“Do you think I'm weak?” You ask her ten minutes later and Abby chuckles.
“Quite the opposite, actually. I don't think if I went through what you did I would ever let myself trust someone again. But you are brave. And you're so incredibly kind and thoughtful. The only weakness you have is probably sweets.” You both chuckle. “And I'm very angry that there's a person who dared to hurt you like this and put this bullshit into your head. Honestly, can you give me her address? I know exactly how to break her bones.”
“Can you promise to tell me if dealing with me gets tiring?”
“Of course.” Abby promises you genuinely, because she knows this moment might come - she is only human. But she knows that even when this moment comes, she will be by your side.
+ 1 nsfw
When you first have sex you're both very worked up and you cling to Abby impatiently, clawing at her shirt and her pants, not really sure what you want to be gone first. Abby thinks it's cute, how needy you are, and she tells you as much before she can think.
“Someone is needy, huh?” She teases you and expects you to get flustered, but instead you freeze and look at her, wide eyed and hurt.
“Sorry.” You say, ashamed, and Abby's heart breaks. She takes your face into her palms and looks into your eyes with such tenderness you have to look away.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like this. I like how enthusiastic you are. It makes me feel wanted.” Abby smirks and your cheeks heat up. “Is there… is there anything I need to be careful about?”
“I’m not really good at sex.” You admit. “I wasn't able to make my ex cum.” You don't tell Abby the whole story, you don't want to ruin the mood, but Sandy was never happy with your skills: she had to watch porn on her phone to get aroused when you topped. And she hated when you didn't do as she wanted when you bottomed and how needy and pathetic you were.
“Well. I don't trust your ex’s opinion since she is a piece of shit.” Abby smirks. “And sex it not about destination-”
“It’s about the journey, I know.” You chuckle. Dr. Spencer likes this saying so much. You take a breath and brace yourself: you know sex is not a place where you can hide something from Abby without hurting you both. Honesty is crucial in sex. “I don't think I can undress fully. Can I leave my shirt on?”
“Of course. Can I- can I still touch you under it? I really wanna feel how soft your tits are.”
You hide your face in embarrassment and giggle. You nod and Abby kisses your cheek.
“If you don't enjoy something, tell me, yeah? And if you want we can really make your ex look stupid.”
“How?”
“With you I really don't need much to cum. One stroke wonder if you will.”
You snort and hit Abby's shoulder.
“You're horrible.”
Abby grins and kisses you. You do make Sandy look stupid that night, when Abby's thighs close around your head and she cums on your face so hard your ears start to ring.
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A conversation between you and your future spouse – timeless pac 💌
Disclaimer : this reading is for entertainment purposes only and does not guarantee any possible outcomes. Tarot is not 100% correct all the times. Your life is in your hands and you are responsible for your own actions and decisions.
Pile one 💫
This situation seems like some third party is affecting your relationship. The third party can be anything from people to things to addictions etc. You assumed thay future spouse may have lied to you about something which caused a fight between you guys. Remember that fights are normal in a relationship. And can be resolved with proper communication and understanding.
Your fs : See, I'm too disappointed with this situation and i deeply regret it. But you see, it's not entirely my fault..
You : I'm completely heartbroken because of you
Your fs : I clearly left and ignored that woman when she approached me darling, I walked away! I don't even know that woman!
Your anger calms down when your fs explains themselves. And you feel relieved. You may have insecurities about your fs leaving you for some other woman, so you got angry.
You : You know that I'm scared of you leaving me alone for someone else
Your fs : I know that, and i will never leave you sweetheart! Do you get that!? Don't get insecure about anything. I'm always yours. You are my better half and you are the only one with whom i feel at home, at peace.
Your fs comforts you and tells you how much you mean to them and you need not worry about anything or anyone. They also hug you and rub your back for sometime. This situation may take place while you guys are on a trip or traveling somewhere.
Pile two 💫
Wow, this conversation will take place when you are getting married or about to get married to your fs. You are happy and excited but you are also having racing thoughts and a restless heart. You are just feeling nervous about the whole thing, some of you guys actually suffer from overthinking and anxiety. And you are having intrusive thoughts at this moment.
Your fs : Hey honey ~ why are you standing there all alone? Come! Have fun with all our friends and relatives. Let's have a drink together ^^
You just stand there silent and say : Umh, I'm actually kinda scared.. to get married i guess..? This all seems to fast to me. I'm having intrusive thoughts, my mind is thinking of all the possibilities ahh! I'm getting frustrated... this feels like a big change for me. It's not that i don't want to get married with you it's just.. too fast for me!
Your fs : Hey hey hey! Calm down! I'm here for you. This may feel too fast but think of how joyful you were when we first decided to get married! It's a new beginning for both of us, i can understand you. You just need to relax. Don't worry about anything, I'll take the lead and do everything for you. You just take a deep breathe and calm yourself.
Your fs calms you down and assures you. You feel better when you hear them talk about taking care of you well. And you know from the deep corners of your heart that they will make a good spouse. Your anxiety feels relieved. And you are happy to have them in your life as a counterpart.
Pile 03 💫
This conversation can happen when you are going through a tough time in regards of your career. You are struggling between work and deadlines. You are completely exhausted but you are still working hard. Even people in your workplace may not appreciate you enough and you feel disappointed with yourself.
Your fs : hey nerd ;) where your eyes lookin' at? Come let's have some fun, take a break would you? Let's go out somewhere shall we?
You : Can you please not disturb me? I'm doing something important rn. And I'm not going anywhere till i finish this !
You frown and continue with your work. Your fs notices that.
Your fs : what happened dear? Is everything alright ? Are you stressed about anything?
You : yes! I am! Anything to do with you?
Your fs : why are u getting mad sweetie? 😋
You : AHHAHASAHAH, I'm so f**king stressed about this damn work i have to do. no one even notices my hardwork and patience! I'm sick of this!
Your fs : I appreciate you, your family appreciates you and you should change your godamn job if it keeps you hurting all the time yk? You have so much money already you should start some business or smth.
You : You know what! You are absolutely correct. I should start something of my own.
Your fs motivated you to leave your toxic work environment and start something of your own.
#tarot reading#tarot blog#tarot cards#tarot#pick a card#tarot and astrology#tarot asks#pick a pile#tarot community#tarotblr#tarot deck#tarot readings#future spouse reading#free tarot#twin flame#divine feminine#future spouse#psychic readings
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Hey there, if you’re still doing requests for BG3... I'm terribly angry about something big and outside of my control at the moment. Could you let me know what you'd think the BG3 companions do if Tav started self destructing? Like Tav passing harsher judgments, snapping at neutral NPCs, or fighting more dangerously and recklessly with bad guys?
Oooo the angst possibilities! Fun! Going to write like you’re self destructing due to stress, and you’re picking unhealthy coping mechanisms. Here we go:
Astarion
at first probably thinks that it’s quite funny. We know he enjoys seeing a little bit of suffering.
but, the more it goes on, the more worried you can see him become.
this isn’t like you. He knows you by now. You’re… kinder than this, damn it.
he takes you to the side one day after he’s seen you be short with a friend.
“whats the matter?” “Nothing, Astarion.” “If you’re going to lie to me, darling, you’d better do a better job of it than that.”
you go to snap at him, fire on your tongue, and then something inside you breaks. You just start sobbing. Everything which has been weighing on your mind has finally become too much.
he isn’t good at comforting words, but he does hold you. Runs his hand up and down your back, and lets you know you he’s here for you whenever you’re ready to speak.
helps you centre yourself again, eventually. He loves you. He’ll do what he can to make things better.
Gale
Makes a couple of snide remarks about how you’re acting, suggesting maybe you be a bit kinder, but then he stops to reassess how you’re acting.
there’s something wrong. You’re pent up. Furious, but not with the people you talk to. They just happen to be the ones bearing the brunt of it.
he sees the injuries you nurse on yourself after battles too. You used to be a clever fighter. Now you are a reckless one.
takes you aside one night at camp and presents his findings very matter-of-factly, concluding that there must be something the matter. When he puts it so astutely, you know you have no chance of hiding from him.
tears slip down your face and he is there in an instant drying your eyes. Telling you there’s nothing to worry about. Reassuring you that “the great Gale of Waterdeep is on your side, we’ll find a way to work things out.”
he puffs his chest out, you chuckle and bury your face in the crook of his neck. Yes. You will find a way to work things out.
Wyll
When he first sees you acting out, as it were, he immediately intervenes.
he knows what it’s like to be under great levels of stress. He made his contact when he was a teenager, after all, and had to deal with all the fallout that happened consequently.
he takes you to the side, holds your hand tightly in his, gets you to look at him.
“i love you, you know that, yes? If there’s something the matter, you need only tell me.”
you begin to crack immediately. Damn this sweet man and his emotional intelligence. Why is he perfect.
you let him know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately. You agree you’re not coping with it very well. He says he’ll help you however he can, but you need to stop being so unkind to yourself.
“you matter, my love. You deserve sweetness.”
holds you close, and you just stand there for a while, together. From then on whenever something is wrong, he is the first one you go to.
Karlach
Sees you snapping at a friend, jumps in.
“whoa, whoa, whoa! Soldier, where is all this coming from?”
you snap to tell her it’s none of her business, she wouldn’t understand… but then you see the hurt in her eyes and immediately feel awful.
“Oh gods, Karlach, I’m sorry…” your voice is wobbly, cracking a bit, and she cups your face in her warm hands.
“hey, hey. it’s okay. Tell me what’s going on.”
you blurt out all your feelings to her in one, long, run-on sentence. She can’t help with a lot of the personal stuff, but she can listen, and she holds you to her chest and rocks you a little. Being engulfed by her embrace is very comforting.
”I’ve got you, babe, eh?” You know she does. For better or for worse.
Lae’zel
She sees the vicious way that you’ve been acting in battle. Strange, usually it’s her attempting to take the big hit, not you. She can take it, you can’t.
She finds you when you’re tending to your battle wounds. Sits down. Stares at you until you instigate conversation.
“what?” “You are not acting like yourself.” “Oh? And how would you know what that is?”
you’re just saying these things to be hurtful, but she’s stalwart. You’re deflecting.
She tells you she’s been enamoured with you long enough to see how you usually are. That you’re kinder, smarter. You’re lapsing into these feelings out of some sort of self-preservation, but you don’t need to.
”if there is something weighing on your mind, share it. I am here to help ease your burdens.”
you don’t love to cry in front of her but that is remarkably… sweet. It breaks you a bit.
You promise to stop being so foolhardy, especially in battle. She says that must be for the best, lest you get rended in half.
“Hey!” but she’s smiling. Your heart swells as you realise she’s trying to make you laugh.
Shadowheart
Lets you get quite far down the burrow of self-destruction before she does anything.
once again, she’s loyal to the lady of loss. Nothing you’re doing is exactly alarming to her.
but it does get worse and worse… she sees you snapping at friends, being harsher to passers-by, and she’s constantly having to patch you up after battle due to your wounds.
eventually one day you snap at her, and that’s her limit.
“I know something’s causing you stress but it isn’t me. I’m trying to help. So you can either pull your head out of your arse or I’m leaving this tent.”
the two of you have a little squabble, but it quickly becomes obvious your heart isn’t in it. Your anger turns to sadness. You collapse in tears and she pulls you to her without a second thought, holding you close.
despite her sharran devotion, she starts whispering how things can get better, how they will change. How the first step is letting people in.
her hand wound throbs as she comforts you. But in this moment she knows she’d pick you every time.
things are easier from then on, knowing she is with you.
#astarion x reader#astarion x you#shadowheart x reader#shadowheart x you#lae'zel x reader#lae'zel x you#astarion x tav#shadowheart x tav#lae'zel x tav#gale x tav#gale of waterdeep x tav#gale x reader#gale of waterdeep x reader#wyll x tav#wyll x reader#wyll ravengard x tav#wyll ravenguard x reader#karlach x tav#karlach x reader
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Disability Tropes: The disabling change of heart
When a character in a story becomes disabled, they'll sometimes experience a trope that I like to call "the disabling change of heart". This is when the character goes through a massive change in their outlook, their personality, their goals or even roll in the story, specifically because they became (or are about to become) physically disabled. Sometimes, this will be in relatively small ways: the happy-go-lucky comedic relief character might become bitter, angry and jaded after getting into an accident that caused a spinal injury, or the severally depressed and nihilistic character might suddenly start acting more cheerful and hopeful, stating that loosing their leg has "put things into perspective and showed them what really matters". In other cases though, the impact is much larger, the heroic character you've been hearing about looses an arm thanks to the main character's actions, causing them to become consumed with anger and self-loathing which they take out on everyone else, eventually becoming an antagonist as they seek revenge for what the main character did to them. The morally grey or even villainous character is injured by their own scheme, giving themselves a permanent disability in the process, which prompts a change of heart and leads them to turn their lives around and become better people, maybe even deciding to team up with the heroes.
Now, having a character go through a personality and goal change due to a major life event, such as becoming physically disabled, isn't inherently bad. A lot of writers are told to tie major shifts in your character's development to major life events, because realistically, something like becoming newly disabled will at least impact how you view the world around you. I very frequently talk about how if I didn't loose my legs, I would have become a vastly different person, but the issues with this trope depends on how it's used and the reasons behind these developments, and whether or not the change suits the character in question.
Before we get into things, I would like to specify that in this post, I'm only going to be talking about how this trope is used with physical disabilities and other easily visible forms of disability. It does show up with characters who develop disabilities under the mentally ill and neurodivergent umbrellas, and is actually a bit more common than what I'm talking about today, but the specific ways its utilised are so different that it's more or less a separate trope, and one that deserves much more attention than I could give it here as this is already going to be a pretty long post. So for today, I'm keeping to it's use with physical and visible disabilities, and we'll talk about how this trope is used with neurodivergence and mental illness another day.
The main thing you need to be mindful of is ensuring that you, as an author, are not including your ingrained biases about disability into the reasoning behind the change. Let's look at one of the examples from before, an evil character who, after loosing their arm (because it's almost always loosing an arm for some reason) becomes a villain and wants revenge against the main character. In a story like this example, the character who became an amputee often views this new disability as something that has ruined their life. It's something that has caused them to suffer, and they want to make the main character (or whoever has "wronged" them) suffer like they did. Stories like this example portray disability as something that is not just horrible, but life-destroying, especially with villains who become all-consumed by the misery this disability has brought them. Many stories that utilise this version of the trope also often perpetuate the idea that if you become disabled, you'll have to give up all the things you love and your goals, even when this wouldn't necessarily be true for the character in question.
Let's say your character was a knight, and the main character cut off their arm in a training accident. obviously you can't be a knight with only one arm because you can't fight anymore, so they left their order. Now this character has become a villain and has found power that "makes up" for their disability, perhaps magic or some other force that doesn't exist in the real world, and are back to get revenge on the character for ruining their lives. Here's the thing though, the loss of a limb, or at least, the loss of an arm specifically, often isn't the career ender people think it is, even back then. In fact, there are many historical records of real amputees continuing to serve as knights and other similar military roles after loosing an arm or at the very least, continuing to fight in other ways. One such example was Götz of the Iron Hand, a mercenary knight who lost his arm to a cannon. Götz had fought as part of the Roman empire's military in 1498, but shortly after left to form his own mercenary company. He lost his hand in 1504 and continued his career as a mercenary with the help of an iron prosthetic capable of holding his sword and the reigns of his horse, among many other things such as writing, for another 40 years. Götz wasn't unique in this though, several suits of armour from the same time period have been found with integrated prosthetic hands, though the names of their owners are unknown. There was also Oruç Reis (aka Aruj Barbarossa), A privateer admiral who served the Ottoman Empire in and around the Mediterranean who lost his left hand - earning him one of many nicknames: Silver-Hand, thanks to the colour of his prosthetic. Oruç, like Götz, continued his career for several more years until he was eventually killed in 1518.
My point in bringing this up, is to highlight how important it is to double check that the reason your character's whole motivation for turning to villainy, isn't just based on your ideas about what a disabled person can or can not do. Actually double check it, research it, especially if it's important for your plot.
Even in the cases where the disability in question actually would stop someone from being able to do something, the incorrect assumptions can still occur and cause issues in different ways. For example, a character in a more modern setting who looses their arm due to an accident the main character was responsible for while serving in the military would be discharged, ruining the character's plan to become a general some day. This absolutely would be devastating for a character like that, and they realistically could struggle to adjust, both in terms of getting used to their disability and finding new goals for their life. They may well feel anger at the main character, however, if you are portraying just living with a disability, in the case of this example, living with an amputation as inherently "suffering" for no other reason than they are disabled, it is still perpetuating those really negative ideas about disability. I've said this a few times in other posts, but villains who are evil or even just antagonists purely because they're disabled or are trying to avoid becoming disabled is a trope all its own and one that is best avoided if you yourself aren't disabled, as even outside of spreading these negative ideas about life with a disability, it's just an overdone and overused trope.
But what about when this trope goes in the other direction? when you have an antagonistic or even just morally grey character who becomes disabled and this is the catalyst that turns them into a good guy?
For the longest time, I knew I usually disliked this version of the trope too, but I couldn't put my finger on why. With disability being the reason someone became a villain, the underlying reason it's there is often able to be boiled down to "I, the writer, think being disabled would be terrible and life like that is inherently suffering, so this character is angry about it," which is obviously an issue (the "inherently suffering" bit, not the anger). However, when a character becomes good due to becoming disabled, the reasoning is usually more along the lines of, "this is a big change in a character's life that has caused them to reconsider and revaluate things" (or at least, that's what I thought). This isn't bad, nor is it necessarily unrealistic. Hell, as I already said, I do consider my disability to be a catalyst that made me into who I am today. I also know plenty of people who, after becoming disabled later in life, did have a big change in how they viewed themselves and the world, and who consider themselves better people since becoming disabled. It's far, far from a universal experience, mind you, but it does happen. So why did this version of the trope still not sit right with me?
Well, I think there's a few reasons for it. The first being that there's a tendency for non-disabled people to think real disabled people are just incapable of evil deeds, both in the sense that they aren't physically capable of doing them (which is bad and not even always true for the reasons we already discussed), but also in the sense that there's this idea that disabled people are, for some reason, inherently more "good" and "innocent" - As if breaking your back or loosing a limb causes all evil and impure thoughts to be purged from the body. This is a result of many folks viewing disabled people as child-like, and thus attributing child-like traits (such as innocence) to them, even subconsciously. This is an incredibly common issue and something disability rights organisations are constantly pushing back against, as this mentality can cause a lot of unnecessary barriers for us. With how often I and many other disabled people are subjected to infantilization, I would be honestly shocked if it wasn't at least partially responsible for people thinking becoming disabled is a good reason to kick off a redemption arc.
This infantilization isn't unique to physically disabled people by the way, in fact it's way, way, more commonly directed at people with intellectual and developmental disabilities - or at least, people are more open about it, but as I already mentioned, how that is reflected in tropes like The Disabling Change of Heart is vastly different and deserves a post of it's own.
That's mostly just speculation on my part though, since that infantilising mindset does show up a lot in media, but not usually as part of this trope specifically.
However, it's not the only reason I wasn't a fan of it. When the disabling change of heart is used to fuel redemption arcs, I think, once again, that the disability itself being credited with causing the change directly is another factor. When this happens, it's usually because "it put things into perspective for me and showed me what really mattered."
This sounds better than our previous example on the surface, but stories that use this logic are often still portraying disability as an inherently bad and tragic thing, something so bad, in fact, that it makes all the other (legitimate) issues they thought were massive before seem so small by comparison. This is a type of inspiration porn: content made to make non-disabled people feel inspired or just better about their own situation. It's the mentality of "well my life is bad, but it could be worse, at least I'm not disabled like that!"
In a fictional story, this might look like an athlete character who dreamed of making it big so they could be famous and get out of poverty. They were a dick to anyone who got in their way but only because they were worried about not being able to make rent if they don't constantly win. One day though, they overworked themselves and got into a car accident on the way home because they were too tired, and now they're in a wheelchair and can no longer walk, which is (supposedly) absolutely tragic and way worse than anything else they were already going through. But they end up becoming a better person because it has put things into perspective for them. Yeah they were struggling to make ends meet, but at least they weren't disabled! Now that they are, they know they shouldn't have cared so much, because money doesn't matter when compared to not being able to walk, right?
As well as portraying disability in a negative light, these kinds of stories dismiss and diminish the other struggles or challenges the character is experiencing, placing the status of "not disabled" above all else.
There's also the fact that, when a lot of real people say their disabilities had positive impacts on their lives, they don't usually mean the disability itself is directly responsible for the change. There's exceptions of course but for myself personally, and most of the people I know who say they are better people because of/since becoming disabled, the disability has been more of a neutral catalyst than the actual cause of positive change. Meaning, it opened the door to allow those changes to happen, but it wasn't the direct cause. For me personally, becoming physically disabled at a young age didn't make me a nice person like people expect, I was still a little judgemental asshole for a lot of my childhood. However, because I was disabled, I had to travel a lot, initially because I needed medical treatment that my local hospital wasn't equip to provide, and later, because I started competing in disability sports. because of both of those things, I met people I never would have otherwise who made me reconsider what I'd been taught on a wide range of subjects, and made me question where those beliefs had come from in the first place. When I say my disability played a part in who I became, it wasn't because my disability itself change me, but it helped me meet people who were positive influences on me and my life. but when creatives make characters who experience arcs like this, they ignore this, again, defaulting to the "this was a bad thing that just put all my other problems into perspective" reasoning.
Some iterations of this trope also use disability as a kind of "karmic punishment" where the disability is portrayed as a rightfully deserved punishment for an evil character's deeds - usually something relating to the disability they acquired but not always. An example might look like an evil tyrant who punishes the rebels they captured by cutting off their hands. Eventually, this catches up with him, maybe the friend or a child of one of the rebels is able to capture the tyrant and cuts his hands off as payback so that he gets a taste of his own medicine, a taste of the suffering he imposed on others. Now facing at least one of the same realities of the people he subjugated, he realises the error of his ways. With some pressure from the main characters, he has a change of heart and surrenders himself, steps down to let someone else take his place, or perhaps he decides to start changing policies to be more in-line with these new morals until some other character usurps him, becoming an even bigger threat than the previous former tyrant.
Once again, stories that use a disability like this are still portraying the disability as an overall inherently bad thing, but there's the added layer at play in this example. The thing is, there are a lot of people in real-life who actually believe disability is a punishment from God. I remember one time when I was over in the US, an older lady came and sat down on the seat beside me on the bus and started asking me about my disability and specifically, how I became disabled. This isn't an unusual interaction, it happens fairly regularly whenever I use public transport, but on this particular day, the conversation suddenly shifted when I told her I became disabled when I was very young. This woman, despite the bus-driver's best efforts to get her to stop, ended up lecturing me for an hour and a half (during which time I couldn't move due to how my wheelchair was held in place) about how my disability was punishment from God for my parent's sins. She then tried to convince me to attend her church, claiming they would be able to heal me. And the thing is, this isn't an uncommon experience.
A lot of disabled people are targeted by cults using this same method: they'll convince people their disabilities are a punishment, make them believe they deserved it, that they just weren't good enough, but don't worry, if you repent and come to our specific church we can heal you. There was even a case in Australia recently that uncovered a cult called Universal Medicine, who taught that disabled people were reincarnations of evil people, and that being disabled in this life was their punishment, as well as that parents who have disabled children were being punished for other sinful behaviours. They were found to be operating a disability care service named Fabic that was being paid for by the NDIS, a subsection of the Australian government funded healthcare system that specifically aids disabled Australians by paying for and subsidising treatments, technologies (such as mobility aids) and other services relating to their disability. Fabic was found to be stealing excessive amounts of funding from their disabled clients under the guise of therapies and carer services, but was not actually helping their clients at all. Whether it's just taking advantage of them to get their money, or actually using this logic as a justification to mistreat them, this mentality of "disability is a punishment" actually gets real disabled people hurt or worse, and so seeing it come up in media, even if there is no ill-intent, can be very distressing and uncomfortable for disabled audiences.
So with all this being said, is the disabling change of heart a trope you should avoid in all it's forms and versions? No, but it does need to be handled with extreme care. I do think it should be avoided as a reason for a character becoming evil for the most part. If that really can't be avoided in your story though, at the very least, ensure that you foreshadow the change. Your happy little ray of sunshine, embodiment of sweetness and innocence type character probably isn't going to turn murderous and want revenge for an accident for example. A character who is likely to be driven to that kind of extreme of wanting revenge for their disability, so much so that they become a villain, probably already had at least a few traits that would predispose them to that line of thinking already, before becoming disabled. As for when it goes in the other direction, and you have a character becoming a good guy, avoid using the reasoning that "the disability put things into perspective for me". Instead, if you must use this version of the trope, use the character's new disability as the reason they encountered other people and situations that challenged their views, things they wouldn't have encountered otherwise. No matter the reason though, be very careful to avoid inspiration porn, and as always, try to find a sensitivity reader to give your story a once-over, just to make sure something didn't slip under your radar.
[Thumbnail ID: An illustrated image showing the same elf character twice. The picture of her on the left shows her laughing evilly, two tiny horns protruding through her brown hair. She is wearing a black dress and red shoes. On the right shows her in a yellow dress, sitting in a bright pink wheelchair with her head held eye and her eyes closed. The horns have been replaced with a glowing halo. In the centre is text that reads: "Disability Tropes: The disabling change of heart." /End ID]
#Writing disability with Cy Cyborg#Disability 101#Long Post#Disability#Disabled#Disability Representation#Writing Disability#Writing#Writeblr#Authors#Creators#Writing Advice#Disabled Characters#Disability History#Language#On Writing#Disability in Media#Tropes#Disability Tropes#The Disabling change of heart
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Let's get straight to the point.
Some of my posts have been reblogged with demeaning tags. And yes, I can tell if it's playful bickering or plain nastiness just fine.
I like playful. I do not like angry and condescending.
Now, I wouldn't care if those were sent to me as a private message, but tags are read. by. other. people.
Do not dare to use my art to shame other people.
And if you think I am or anybody is oversensitive (I hate that term) - people look into entertainment for a reason. Life is hard. Everybody suffers one way or another. Many people are hanging by a thread. You never know what will make somebody snap. Life is not safe, so we go and try to find a little safe spot for ourselves with some nice people. When you get attacked there, it hurts.
I remember how it feels to be vulnerable and have the thing you enjoy soiled. I remember the exact moment I left one of my previous fandoms as a child and how ashamed it made me feel. It was like 10 years ago, but I remember what was said and who said it. Nobody was speaking up. There were friends, yes, but silent when something was happening, because they were afraid to be shamed as well.
Years later I have my voice now and I'm going to speak, be it through text or art. And if my work makes at least one single person smile and feel validated, then all the hours I have spent on it have been worth it. It's always worth it.
That's why I do not tolerate pointless cruel mean comments, no matter how small or mild. Get your negativity elsewhere and fix your issues so you don't keep spreading it.
And that is the only rant I am going to post on this blog.
Only more fluff from now on ♡
#my art#sans x reader#sansnomaly#a lot of anomalies#motivational sans#because sans motivates not to be naughty#I sincerely hope nobody will approach me with “but it's just a game / just internet / what about real life”#another fandom literally kept me alive years ago#this is important#if you don't have the empathy to understand then I don't know how to help you
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HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!
Long story short: I'm unemployed and will not, unlike what I originally thought, qualify for unemployment benefits.
Please read the readmore for additional context on why I'm unemployed. This post is basically a continuation/update/redo of this post. I'm suffering a sickness with no medicine the past week, applied for almost 100 jobs the last two weeks, am disabled/queer/nonbinary/tired of ebegging. I'm also in the negatives in my bank account because my car payment came out, so I need to get that covered.
pp/vm/ca
$250/$1151.51
i need at least $511.51 of this by the first. please spread if you're financially unable to help, every person this reaches helps! here's the breakdown of the costs:
$640 - car payment + late fees
$380 - rent
$131.51 - negative amount in bank currently
Oh hey thanks for stopping by to read this annoying tale of woe and being angry at capitalism. Prepare for wall of text.
I once had two jobs. The first job, at a chain restaurant, was a bit of a clique-y experience where I was working my damndest to be the best bartender they ever had. I still have all the cocktails memorized. However, I continually faced discrimination in the form of severe misgendering, no matter how often I corrected them. I was also set up for failure. Usually, when someone gets hired for a position, there's some amount of training to be done, no matter how experienced they are, right? I was going in nearly entirely inexperienced into the role. I knew how to make cocktails, sure, and was and still am very good with people and selling. But I was trained for two days. Two. Then, on my first night alone (a Friday), I was watched by one of the bigwigs at corporate who saw every little flub and failure. This caused a demotion-ish. I was demoted to barback but was allowed the same privileges. Until their next visit. That upset the hell out of me - I was well trained by that point and could do it all, with one hand tied behind my back. I digress. It was about 2 months following my demotion when i finally walked out. A new bartender had been hired and she thought I was being a total creep by looking at a ticket that had just come in. She stormed off to report me to the manager who, even after hearing my side where I had asked her if there was anything on the ticket that I could grab, said that I "needed to communicate better," and "you should be learning from her," and "you're a grown man, you should know better." I don't think I need to explain why that was so upsetting.
But I didn't report them, because I just wanted to be done with it. I was also working another bartending job, and everythign was literally perfect other than the hours, honestly. I loved the product the distillery made, I loved the people I worked with, and most of all: I had my own regulars. Last month, they hired a new hospitality director, who announced there would be some restructuring, including getting rid of servers while also making a full dinner menu to serve alongside drinks. I said nothing of it, despite my disagreements, and she assured us all that no one would lose their jobs, but just moved into different roles. We all kinda grumbled about it, and I told her that under no circumstances would I work back of house. Easy peasy. Till it wasn't, and I came home to a voicemail while on break with my partner that I'd been let go due to the restructuring. So much for no one losing their jobs, right? I hadn't been the only victim of this. I have my suspicions as to why the new hospitality director did these things, but I've no energy to throw around conspiracies. All I know is that I was shafted by both of these places and I'm tired of being broke. I'm applying, still going to fight, and... sigh.
tl;dr (why did you click the readmore?): i left a job due to discrimination and lost another due to company restructuring and i'm tired and sad and aaaaa.
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Healers got to date protectors - Headcanons
Misa Rodriguez x Physio!reader
──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
Your first kiss
"Hey guys, good game tonight!" You came in smiling. They were all in the ice tubs.
Misa looked particularly moody.
"Hey. Are you in any pain?" You asked coming closer to her.
"No. Just disappointed with the results. We couldn't manage to get a goal."
"Well, you didn't suffer any either. It's the best defense we've had, in the last couple of games. Give yourself a little credit."
Misa cracked a small smile. She was the type to always focus on the things she considered to be bad, then to try and find the silver lining.
Differently from you, she spent most of her time, looking in.
Something that was hard for you to do. Hence your career based on taking care of others.
"Y/N!" Brunn caught your attention. "We're going out to celebrate, are you coming?"
By now you had already settled in. You had a great relationship with the players. You had earned each others trust. Friends almost. It was clear for everyone that even though you got along greatly with the medical staff, you just hadn't much in common with them. They were mostly middle aged man who took everything too seriously. You stood out like a sore thumb.
The girls practically took you in as one of them.
"Am I being the designated driver again?"
"You're off duty today. I already volunteered." said Misa.
"I'm in. I have to check up on Athenea and I'll head home, to get ready."
"I'll pick you up at 8." Misa let you know.
By 8:30 you were all at the club, having a drink at the table you had reserved.
Into the night you guys went. Between dancing bodies and drinks you finally decided going to the restroom, you let the girls know and made your way there.
Misa had gotten back from ordering another round at the bar and she realized you were not with the group.
"Where is Y/N?" she had to scream over the loud music.
"She went to the bathroom."
"Alone?!" as soon as they nodded yes, she was already running after you. Maybe where they're from, it is safer for women who were drunk and alone, but that wasn't the case here in Spain.
You were just coming out of the bathroom when a man you didn't know corned you against a wall.
"Please let me go."
"I just want to know your name. Are you single?"
But before you could say anything else, he was pushed away harshly. When you looked to check by who, you saw Misa. Angrier than you had ever seen her before.
You were about to thank her, when the man pushed her back. And before you could register anything else, she had landed a punch on the man's face.
"Misa!"
Soon security was there.
The man was escorted out. But you didn't feel like partying anymore. And Misa could tell.
"Come, I'll drive you home. We can text the girls to let them know we've left." She took your hand to guide you through the crowds of people.
"How are they getting home?"
"They can share an uber."
Arguing with her would be of no use. So you just let it be.
Once you got to the car, you could see her knuckles holding tightly to steering wheel. They were already bruising, one of them even had a small cut.
"Misa, your hand."
"It's fine, don't worry." her facial expressions still in a scary-angry way.
"I'm so sorry."
"The girls shouldn't have let you go alone."
You sobered up real quick after the scare you had.
Arriving home you didn't even say goodbye to her as you got out of the car.
"You can park here."
"What?" she asked confused.
"Your coming up with me, so I can take care of your hand.
And I'm not taking no for an answer."
She parked the car and got out to follow you up to the apartment.
"Come in, sit down while I get my aid kit." you said unlocking the door and turning the lights on.
Misa followed your commands quietly. Something everyone had noticed when you were around each other.
She would act like you were god on earth.
You came back to stand between her legs as you took her hand to check it.
You started cleaning the small cut, and proceeded to bandage it up.
"Does it hurt too much? I can't get you some pain meds."
But she only shook her head no. As you applied a healing ointment to the bruises.
"All done." you said as you looked up from her hands to her eyes.
You were so close you could feel each others breaths.
"Thank you." You said gently, on a low tone.
By now her face had already softened. In a way you had never seen before. It always felt like she couldn't let her guard fully down. So this sight was new to you.
"You worried the hell out of me." she said in a similar tone to yours. Giving a small laugh in the end.
"I'm sor-" but you were cut off by her lips on yours. As she pulled you in. After a minute or so, you both pulled away to breath properly.
"Healers need protectors, at least once in a while."
──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
Hope you guys enjoy! Please leave your comments! There is a third part already planned, but if you have any ideas, you can send them in.🩷
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