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robthedeadpoet · 1 year

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Can’t stop

Is there’s something wrong?

Something wrong with me?

Because I can’t feel fulfilled

I can’t stop to breathe

I need to achieve and achieve

I need to always go beyond

Beyond everyone else

Because if I’m not at the top

Why bother at all?

That’s why I can’t stop

I can’t stop to breathe

To collect what I broke to complete

To fill my lungs and exhale

To rest my head in your chest

I not know how to rest

Because to rest means to fail

Fail to achieve

Fail to conceive

Fail to be who I could’ve been

If I only worked a little more

If I only slept a little less

If only I was a lot lot different than the rest

If only I loved myself

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robthedeadpoet · 2 years

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My father, my mother and I

My father was not the nice guy

My mother was always fighting back

My grandparents never kept a lie

But my cousins were forever the favorite ones

I am an only child

The result of many, many fights

I’m only my parents’ mask

Because they don’t want to see each other’s eyes

My father was always so uptight

My mother was too tired to fight

My aunts never let me down

But I was always watching others live their lives

I am an only child

The result of “God’s plans”

I’m only the least favorite child

Because they would rather change the plans

My father was never right

My mother was sleeping in the couch

My uncle gave me all I had

But I always craved my parents’ pride

I am an only child

The result of that one night

I’m only what they got

Because I’m still living their pretentious lies

My father had never cried

But that one night

I heard him bawl

Making me realize he’s just human

And he’s almost everything I got

My mother had always a smile

But when she got mad

I was always terrified

That her words were like knives

And were going to stab me a thousand and one times

I am an only child

Who fought their way to their parents’ hearts

Because I was supposed to fix what they had

But I came to this world already cracked

I came to this world with a broken heart

My father did what he could

My mother did what she could

I did what I could

We did what we could

And yet we all hurt more than we should

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robthedeadpoet · 2 years

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I’ll always take to little, I’ll always take too much

I’m so scared to open up

That when I do

I fall

Completely

Painfully

And ridiculously

When I do I just can cry

Rivers and rivers of liquid war

Year and years of holding it back

Tears and tears finally come out

But I cannot drop just one tear

They always come out full of fear

All together like sisters

They come out limitlessly

And when I feel like someone cares

I can’t help it

But to break

Break down into pieces

For the realization of my feelings

For the recognition of my existence

I think of myself as the tasteless blank

As a simple and invisible part

Of the endless novel that everyone seems to write.

I feel so average to even be noticed

Too small and too little to deserve feeling something

But when others look at me

It feels like drowning myself to sleep

I feel like I’m taking too much

Like I’m a thief of someone else’s turn

Like I’m living the wrong time

Like I take too much from people’s life

And hate to feel that way

Like my existence is a burden

Like I take too much space.

So if you ever cared about me

I you ever loved me

Just pretend that you don’t

Like we are not nearly as close

I beg you with my life

Please pretend I’m not human

Pretend I’m nothing more than a mere act,

Like I’m nothing worth watching for too much time

Act like I can’t feel

Act like you don’t care

Don’t listen to how I feel

So I can blame you on my misery

Because is easier to blame

It’s easier to hide

It’s easier to disappear

Than to admit, for once, that I am the guilty one

So please leave me to my pain,

Leave me to my monsters

Leave me to my worst self

So I can silently drift away

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robthedeadpoet · 2 years

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Motherless motherhood

I shall not cry the loss of a mother

A mother who was not meant for me

The mother who was born for motherhood

Had the only child who was meant to be free

The mother who was meant to be loved

Had the only child filled with rage

The mother who was meant to be sweet

Had the only child with bitter teeth

The mother who was meant to be a mother

Had the only child meant to be lonely

The mother who craved a child

Prayed so hard

That she got herself a demon with half a heart

The mother who craved to be a mother

The one who loved like no other

Got herself a helpless burden

The mother who was meant for someone else

Is still craving endless love

The love that from me, she never got

The mother who was meant for someone else

Is crying for her missing child

For the one she was supposed to have

And while her tears roll down

Every once in a while

She reminds me I’m not her child

So I regret being the unlucky one

Who was born to be the motherless brat

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robthedeadpoet · 2 years

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Too young

Im too young

To have such bad nightmares

Im too young

To have such deep scars

I should be playing

Not aching

I should be dancing

Not crying

I should be young

And not living alone

Im too young

To hate my parents

Im too young

To be without them

Im too young

To be myself

Im too young

To know who am I yet

Im supposed to be living

Not wishing I would stop breathing

Im supposed to be free

Not tied to the family tree

Im supposed to live the golden years

Not trapped within plastic feelings

Im too young

To have such bad nightmares

Im too young

To have such deep scars

Im too young

To be what I am

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robthedeadpoet · 2 years

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I don’t know how to write

I just know how to organize

Words so they create pretty sounds

I know only meaningless verses

Countless letters that make poetry senseless

No matter how much I try

I just can’t write

Because people learned to write

About what they found at the bottom of their hearts

But the only thing I could look at

When I searched my bottomless bag

Was too horrible to take out

It was dark and dirty

Covered on people’s disgusting pity

Very much tired of just existing

And no, it was not my soul

Or my most private secret

It was something a little bit more ecliptic

And no matter what I tried

I just couldn’t write

Because i couldn’t understand

What i was looking at

Turns out it was me

The monstrosity that tried to be free

But it was not the girl they usually see

It was the genderless monster that took my name

The horrible being that faced my fate

The unspeakable spirit that consumed my hope

It was not something nor someone

It was just it

Something trying to find peace

And while I tried to word

Whatever it was that I saw

I created a war

Between words and my mind

There was were I discovered

There’s no talent if we lack a story

There’s no poetry if we don’t understand the monster

And I don’t know how to write

I know how to properly place words

So they create infinite wounds

With meaningless quotes

And very random signs of love

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robthedeadpoet · 2 years

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I need to know

Where you come from

And why you make me feel so numb

I need to know

Why you look at me

Like I’m an ultimate master piece,

Like I’m more than a human being

I need to know

How you got me into this mess.

How you made me look away

When I met you gaze

And why do you want me to stay

I need to know

If you really mean your words

If you are willing to let me go,

If I ever hurt you in a way I can’t avoid

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robthedeadpoet · 2 years

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I wish

I wish I didn’t had to hide.

I wish my colors I could show with pride,

I wish being myself wasn’t a crime,

Sometimes I even wish I wasn’t who I am.

I wish I wasn’t scared of my mom.

I wish she wouldn’t laugh at every homophobic joke.

I wish she could look at me in the eyes,

I wish she stopped saying I will burn when I die,

I wish she stoped hating who I am,

And I wish she knew she makes me hate who I am.

I wish I wasn’t scared of my dad.

I wish he stopped calling gay people fags,

I wish he would talk to me for a while.

I wish he stopped asking why I don’t go to mass,

I wish he wouldn’t preach me back into his life.

I wish he stopped hating who I am,

And I wish he knew he makes me hate who I am.

I wish I wasn’t scared of myself.

I wish I wasn’t terrified of what I dream,

I wish I was what they wanted me to be,

I wish I didn’t love her like I do,

I think that would make them love me too.

#aesthetic #excerpt from a book i'll never write #headcanons #literature #poets on tumblr #poetsandwriters #writing #poetsdaily #love is love #poetry #gay #lesbian #biseuxal #pansexual #wlw #gay mlm #trauma #pretty words #foryоu

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robthedeadpoet · 2 years

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You narcissistic and idiotic man

I try and I try,

but you never look at me like you’re proud.

I cry all the time,

but you never ask me why.

I work all night just to be the one,

Who makes you smile every once in a while.

But turns out I can’t,

I can’t be the one

who you think about when feeling proud,

I can’t be the one,

Who you smile at in the middle of a crowd,

I can’t be the one,

Who you stay with and hug all night

I just can’t be the one,

Who you love no matter what

Because you love was just a lie.

An illusion I created,

To keep me alive.

And now I discover, finally

That the problem was not me

And my validation journey.

After years of pain and cries for help,

I come to realize

It was not me who failed to make you proud,

It was just you, and your selfish ass.

You narcissistic and idiotic man,

You made me the monstrosity that today I am,

You made me the unlovable wreck that lives in a lie,

You made me hate everyone who was better than I was,

You made me so insecure I thought I needed you in my life.

You ruined me in every way you could find,

And I deeply hate you for that.

#father #excerpt from a book i'll never write #poetsdaily #poetry #poetscommunity #poetsandwriters #painful #headcanons #literature #poets on tumblr #aesthetic #writing #tired #sirius orion black #remus lupin #wolfstar #love is love #idiot #narcissim

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robthedeadpoet · 3 years

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Surrounded

When I’m surrounded

My mind won’t wander

About what will happen

When I’m without them

But when I’m alone

My brain won’t shut up

Telling I’m not enough

Even thought I work too much

Just to please them more

When I’m surrounded

Im occupied

I’m always busy trying to hide

All the tears that later come out

But when I’m alone

I focus too much

In all my failures

And mistakes all along

Because it doesn’t matter

If I’m dying

What it’s important is to not stop smiling

When I’m surrounded

I’m not myself

But I find it better to lie to them

Than disappoint them with what I became

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robthedeadpoet · 3 years

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Tell me

I’m tired,

And I don’t know why.

My dreams seem to real

And my reality a dream.

Things are confusing since you left,

My mom says I just need time

But what I need is your presence.

Why? Why you left?

Was my laugh too loud?

Or my face too round?

Tell me what I did, that wasn’t allowed.

Look at me again

And tell me how I failed,

Tell me what I did that made you go away.

I’m not asking you to stay,

I just want to know my past mistakes

So I don’t do the same

When I fall in love again

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robthedeadpoet · 3 years

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Not that kind

Everybody saw the love in my eyes,

But they also noticed the cold in you heart.

They all knew that I was mad for you,

The only oblivious was you.

It breaks my heart to think you never liked me back.

And every time I see you I get the same flashback,

The moment you shattered my heart,

The day you pulled me apart,

The minute you left me behind,

The second you looked at me for what I really was.

I try but I can’t forget,

The words you told me when i confessed myself,

“Don’t humiliate yourself” you said,

“I don’t care about you in that way”,

“I don’t love you” you declaimed,

“I’m not that kind of girl”

I’m sorry if I got you wrong,

I was just looking for love.

I’m sorry if I ruined what we had,

I just thought you loved me back.

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robthedeadpoet · 3 years

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The one

The friend, the mate

The classmate, the comrade.

The sidekick of your romance,

The one wishing to hold hands.

The one who loses the most.

The one who sacrifices friendship and love,

Just to satisfy a stupid crush.

The one who’s never gonna be enough

To be deserving of your love,

But still tries to gain it all

Even if it destroys them the most.

The one who loves you the bulk,

Is the one you’ll never adore.

Let’s admit it, shall we?

You’ll never feel like I feel,

You’ll never find me lovely.

Our story was not meant to end

With a lover’s embrace,

But with a tragic poet,

Writing about the dreadful story.

#aesthetic #excerpt from a book i'll never write #headcanons #imagines #literature #music #poets on tumblr #poetsandwriters #writers on tumblr #writing #gay girls #gay love #lesbian #love is love #wlw love #deadpoet stuff #deadpoetsnet #dead inside #dead poets society

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robthedeadpoet · 3 years

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Untitled 2

Goodbyes were said under the table,

Feelings were hide in the head,

Tears were drunk during dinner,

And my broken heart was too much to repair.

#aesthetic #excerpt from a book i'll never write #headcanons #imagines #literature #music #poets on tumblr #poetsandwriters #writers on tumblr #writing #poetsdaily #dead poets society #deadpoet stuff #deadpoetsnet #charlie dalton #chaotic energy #chaos verse #verses #bookstagram

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robthedeadpoet · 3 years

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Not meant

She made me realize how wrong I was,

About who I thought I was

And she made me see

Who I was supposed to be

She opened my eyes with her beautiful smile,

And made me feel so right.

Her hands taught me it was ok to be who I was

And she made me be proud to be what I was

She made me see it was ok to love,

Who my heart told me so.

And this makes it sound like we were in love,

But turns out that for her, I was not enough.

She taught me so many things,

About loving her and loving me,

And one of them was that I was supposed to love her with my whole heart ,

But she was not meant to love me back.

#aesthetic #excerpt from a book i'll never write #headcanons #imagines #literature #music #poets on tumblr #poetsandwriters #writers on tumblr #writing #lesbian #wlw love #love is love #gay love #gay girls #charlie dalton #deadpoet stuff #deadpoetsnet #dead poets society

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robthedeadpoet · 3 years

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I hate

I hate that you easily make me laugh,

I hate the way you complain every time I cry,

I hate that you mock me in your insights,

I hate that you see my life like a rag.

I hate how you trick me into your arms,

I hate that you distance me from what I like,

I hate who am I when you are around,

I hate to see myself in your eyes.

I hate that you think I’m a disgrace,

I hate to see you get along with my friends,

I hate that people like you as much as I do,

I hate that they don’t hate you as they should.

I hate that you make me feel alive,

I hate that you make me wanna die,

I hate that I’m not you little shiny star,

I hate that someone else makes you smile.

I hate that I don’t,

That I don’t hate you,

Not even in the minimum,

In fact, I hate that I love you with my entire heart and soul

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robthedeadpoet · 3 years

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Untitled

The lonely life of the admired

Is the most desired tragedy of the unwanted

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