COWABONGA ZOOWIEMAMA BINGBONG WAHOOOOOOOOoooooooo

I fought that whole time just trying to be happy and amazed at how lucky I am, but I spent more time fighting for happiness than being happy.

There's always some sort of energy on my scalp.

I can't call it my brain because everyone knows people can't feel their brain but I can feel it move when my mind shifts from clarity to fog to everywhere in between and sometimes when I feel ill I can feel it deflating like the sinking feeling in my chest as my world falls around me.

There's a million ways to describe anything, and I can tell my therapist that "sometimes I'm harder on myself than other times" or I can admit that I screamed myself raw in my car on the way to work because the only thought that's been on my mind for the last week is that I want to die and that I should distract myself from that thought because somehow someway I'm supposed to get better even though I've done every goddamn thing in the book to be better and by all accounts I *should* be the most stable functional person in my circle but big suprise- I'm not.

I just know what to say.

Hey Absence,

I doodled again. My minds not much better but I finally got a therapist all on my own, and I'm technically talking to two at least for now. Oddly I like the temporary one much more.

These are old. Therapist agrees that I am in a sort of limbo and it's bad for me. I am struggling to art because it's all just so unbearably depressing to think cognitively.

Doing what I can though. That's good.

Chewing chitos and bubble gum hoping I'll be better someday because Its unrealistic to believe I'll ever keep a healthy schedule in the state I'm in.

Grade F womanwhore. Not even whoreing. Only occasionally womaning. 0/100 score.

Having a good day then being hit with the equal opposite reaction and just constantly chanting to myself in my head like

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"

Bc deep down I know my brain is interpreting everything wrong probably bc theres something not right up there but that I have to put up with it till I build up the courage to talk to a professional Abt it and risk being gaslit again.

You know sometimes I think if someone were to tell me that my art is approximately as good as an average middle schoolers with the fact that I absolutely refuse to put more than a certain amount of time into any of my pieces that have emotion and almost none of them are very professionally finished in any way whatsoever, like I'd kind of agree but also some dude got away with taping a banana to a wall so ultimately I can do whatever the f*** I want.

If you follow my art spaces online you'll find 1/3 things.

1. Vent art with much texture

2. Character stuff

3. Stupid cats.

Congratulations you have stumbled on the third. Please enjoy.

If you follow my art spaces online you'll find 1/3 things.

1. Vent art with much texture

2. Character stuff

3. Stupid cats.

Congratulations you have stumbled on the third. Please enjoy.

Genuinely excited to show something off for the first time in MONTHS

I don't make faces irl so I learn to express my grief through cute lil enbys.

Context for these ones? I'm trying to grow unattached to a lifestyle I worked really hard to build before it is demolished (again) by my health.

If all art is supposed to express meaning what about art that's trying to express the lack of any meaning?

Slay the "Dragon"

Its at the point where I just don't have the energy to make art that hints at what's on my mind slowly. Hear me.

I'm Abt to block everyone ik from all my art socials and go crazy with whatever I want.