abhilashadey22
word.
i try. that's all i do. that's all anyone does.
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This.
No because pride and prejudice isn't "I changed myself for you so you would love me back." It's "your blatant rejection and disdain for me made me realize things about myself no one had ever been bold enough to tell me so I sat down and evaluated all my behavior patterns and why they came about and came to the realization myself that I had to work on myself. Also I don't expect you to love me now that I'm a work in progress, so I'm just going to do nice things for you because I don't like seeing you hurt." No wonder P&P fans refuse to settle.
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You don't have to finish everything you start. It's not a rule.
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#conversation#fifteen#writersofindia#writers#writers of tumblr#aspiring author#female writers#creative writing#writersnetwork#writerscommunity#writerscorner#writing life#late night thoughts#thoughts#overthinking#regrets#past life#love lost#lovelorn
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on deadbeat fathers who pass down their pain to their daughters and expect them to wear them like battle-wounds.
I wish you were a better man.
Father,
I am trying to forgive you
For all the times you did not show up.
For all the times I had to misunderstand your violence as your love language.
For all the bouts of unexpected rage.
For the mistakes that you made
And still keep on making
Without ever being apologetic about them.
Father,
I am trying to forgive you.
For the apologies you did not make.
For all the times you disappeared after destroying everything,
And reappeared like nothing had happened.
For all the shit you put me through
And still do
Without ever acknowledging it.
Father,
I am trying to grow up
And accept that people like you
Just hold no intention of improving.
I am trying to grow out of habits
That tried to find love in places
(and people)
Where there was no space for love.
Father,
I know this world has bruised you.
But as I grow older,
I am also beginning to understand
That the world leaves no one unbruised.
And that, it is not a daughter's responsibility
To beg her father for a relationship.
Father,
I am trying to forgive you.
And I pray to God
That you find it in yourself
To forgive you.
-abhilasha // on deadbeat fathers who pass down their pain to their daughters (and expect them to wear them like battle wounds)
#father#daddy issues#deadbeat#depressing poem#poems on tumblr#original poem#poets of instagram#writing#writers of tumblr#writers#writersofinstagram#writersofindia#female writers#writerscommunity#writerslife#writerscafe#writersquotes
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it is what it is
It's water under the bridge between us. It was never really said or even expressed but somehow we both knew it. Whatever had happened, happened. We did what we did and we saw what we saw and it is what it is.
But sometimes reality becomes too much to bear. The reality of us returning to being strangers. The reality of us returning to where we had begun, just how we had begun. When we talk, it goes smooth for a few seconds and then we run out of things to say, or we don't; we just don't know when sharing turns to oversharing, so we never try. We never want to cross the line. When our conversations start drying up, I scramble to find topics to keep you talking and I come up with things in my mind, like, "my cat did this you know and man it was so fucking cute." or like, "I swear to fucking God I am gonna kill someone with the frustration the traffic on the road is giving me". But I don't say it. I never do.
I never try to keep the conversation alive, because deep down, I know that you don't care. We are not a part of each other's lives anymore and it doesn't seem fair to bother you with unnecessary details of my life (or lack thereof). Or maybe you do care. Maybe you are in the same position as me, but that is just wishful thinking on my part.
I tell you don't take me seriously, I'm just drunk. But what I mean mostly is that please, please, please take me seriously because no one else does, because there is no one else I would rather be saying this to.
But it all comes down to one thing: we are not living the same lives anymore. And a lot has happened, and a lot has changed since you've been away. And I am not the person I was and you are not the person you were and we are not friends anymore and it is what it is.
-abhilasha//it is what it is
#water under the bridge#someone like you#it is what it is#i miss you#feelings#late night thoughts#thoughts#writing#writers of tumblr#wordporn#writers#word vomit#purpose#sacrifice#wordgasm#my words
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Harry, there is never a perfect answer in this messy, emotional world. Perfection is beyond the reach of humankind, beyond the reach of magic. In every shining moment of happiness is that drop of poison: the knowledge that pain will come again. Be honest to those you love, show your pain. To suffer is as human as to breathe.
-Harry Potter and The Cursed Child
#harry potter#harry potter and the cursed child#albus dumbledore#harry and dumbledore#j k rowling#harry james potter#harry potter fandom#i solemnly swear i am up to no good#to suffer is as human as to breathe#suffering
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Shameless (Liam x Fiona) Part -02
Shameless (Liam x Fiona) Part-02
“Hey Fi. How are you?”
“I'm fine Liam. Aren't you supposed to be at work?” Fiona says with her voice mostly teasing but also serious at the same time.
“Uh. Yeah. I am on my break right now. Just thought I'd catch up with you. It's been a while.”
“Yeah, yeah it has. I've been meaning to call you but it's just crazy here with the apartments and my phone's been ringing off the hook this past week. Anyways what's up with you? How's college?” Liam had almost forgotten how much she could ramble if given a chance. He missed it.
“College is good. The usual. It's stressful but good.”
Neither of them say anything more. Just like Liam thought, there isn't anything else they ever talk about. Liam almost opens his mouth to end the conversation but Fiona beats him to it. Only to not end the conversation.
“So now that small talk's out of the way, do you wanna tell me what is going on with you?”
Liam's eyes widen for a fraction of second. He doesn't know why he questions Fiona and her ways of knowing any time anything is up with any of them. Even thousands of miles away, she can always tell when something's wrong.
“How'd you-” Liam starts but stops when he hears a light chuckle on her end.
“I always know, Liam. Just because I am not there, doesn't mean I am not connected to you guys anymore. I am always worrying about all of you. Especially you.”
“I know, Fi. It's just... Things are not how I thought they would be you know? I am not in trouble or anything but it's just everything feels like it's falling apart and all I can do is stare and watch it fall.”
Liam lets out a deep sigh and diverts his eyes to his shoes. He's sure Fiona has enough on her plate already, she always does. He didn't want to say anything but it's too late now.
“Welcome to adulting kiddo.” She laughs but he can almost feel the concern in her voice. He's about to say something further when some noise fleets through the phone speaker.
“Hold on a minute. I'll be there.” He hears Fiona say to someone. He feels guilty for keeping her from her life.
“Am I keeping you from something important, Fiona? You should go. We can talk later.” He offers.
“No, no, no. It's just my friends. I'm off work today. The past week sucked the soul outta me.”
“Oh. That's great. You should get back to your friends either way. We can do this later.”
“Yeah. They can wait."
Liam expected her to say something more but all he received for a good one minute was silence. He contemplated ending the call, thinking Fiona must have forgotten to do it. But then she spoke again. Somehow, Liam knew she would. That's Fiona for you; she'll never leave her family hanging.
"You know, I feel guilty sometimes for leaving all of you. But mostly, for leaving you."
"Yeah?" Liam lets out. He wasn't expecting that.
"Yeah. I saw Lip, Ian, Debbie and Carl through but you... I barely had any time with you. I am sorry, Liam."
"It's fine, Fi. You had every right to leave. You have done so much for all of us. You deserve it."
"I know. But I know you Liam, and I know you'll figure it out. Whatever you are going through. I understand that you don't wanna tell me. But remember one thing: it always gets better. It gets worse first but in the long run, things always get better."
This is what Liam had been missing; for someone to believe in him. After Fiona left, V tried to pacify Liam the best she could, trying to connect him to his culture, to his roots. But no one understood him the way Fiona did. And she proves it every time.
"Thanks, Fi. I miss you, you know?"
"I miss you too buddy. I miss all of you so much."
All of a sudden, Liam felt something drop in his gut and he started to get emotional. Before he could stop himself, he said, "I wish you were here."
Fiona let out a deep sigh. She knew Liam needed her and she hated that she was thousands of miles away instead of being with him. Even after all these years, the little pinge of guilt never left her mind. She knew it was time to get away but sometimes, times like these, made her rethink her decision and had her questioning whether she made the right one.
"I wish I was there, too, man." She finally said.
"You're not happy there, Fi?"
Fiona looked over at her friends who were now sitting on her couch, a drink in their hand. She let her eyes stay a bit longer on Elijah, and how he had been her rock through everything. Feeling her eyes on him, Elijah looks over at her from the couch and passes her a warm smile. And just like that, all her doubts diffuse in the air. She glances over the rest of her house and the little home she had created and smiled.
"I'm happy, Liam. I am happier than I have ever been."
"I am happy for you, Fi. I love you."
"I love you too."
"Okay, I gotta go. Thanks, Fiona. For everything."
That was the first time one of her siblings ever said those words out loud. She didn't raise her family expecting them to be rolling over in gratitude at her feet, but man it felt good. She closed her eyes for a second, clutching the phone tighter and said the words that will always remain true when it comes to any of her siblings,
"Anytime, Liam. Anytime."
#shameless#liam gallagher#fiona gallagher#lip gallagher#ian x mickey#ian gallagher#kevin ball#veronica fisher#frank gallagher#debbie gallagher#writers of tumblr#writers#writing#one shot#thoughts#late night thoughts#gratitude#thankful
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Shamless (Liam x Fiona) Part-01
Liam's now older and in a one of the infamous Gallagher pickles. He calls the only person he's ever wished could see him grow up: Fiona. He takes the phone in his hand as he sits on the steps at the back of the restaurant he's part-timing at to save up for rent and bills as he juggles college on top of everything. His hand hovers over Fiona's contact, her smiling face looking at him from the tiny little circle beside her name. It's been a while since they've talked and they mostly just talked about the generic things; how they are, how's the weather, how's work, how's college. Their conversations never got beyond that; there was never enough time for it. Or so Liam thought. A part of him was mad at Fiona ever since she left. She'd been there when Lip, Ian, Debbie and Carl were growing up and when it was his turn, she'd left. He knew the South Side wasn't the place you'd choose to stay at forever but Fiona was the closest thing to a mother he had. And now with Frank gone and Lip married to Tammi and Ian married to Mickey and Carl climbing the ladder in the “cop business” and Debbie...well being Debbie, Liam feels like he's being left out, forgotten.
He makes the final decision and calls Fiona. He doesn't know what he'd say. It's not like Fiona knows what's going on in his life. She picks up on the third ring.
“Hey buddy, what's up?” Her voice holds the same love for him. He doesn't know why he expected anything different. Fiona had come down to Chicago a few times but had never stayed long. But no matter how much changed in her appearance or her added skills, Fiona always remained the same. She was fiercely protective over her family, over all of them even though they were all adults now.
“Hey Fi. How are you?”
...
To be continued.
Part-02- https://abhilashadey22.tumblr.com/post/689236866891956224/shameless-liam-x-fiona-part-02
#gallavich fic#shameless us#fiona gallagher#liam gallagher#lip gallagher#tammixlip#mickey x ian#ian x mickey#shameless#writers of tumblr#writers
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God I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.
Olivia Rodrigo// traitor
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i wrote this for her.
I found a kind of forever with her. It only lasted a little while but it was heaven while it did. I found the kind of forever they tell you about in the movies and books. The kind of forever that is best known in fiction. The kind of forever they tell you is a lie. I found it with her. I found it in the way she is afraid to admit to herself who she is but she was never afraid to be with me. I found it in the way a single lock of her hair came loose from her ponytail and fell on her eye as she read. I found it in the way she held my hand and it fit so perfectly you would think they were made for each other.
I found the best kind of forever with her. The kind of forever I always craved, the kind that lasted forever, even after you're over. The kind you think about years later, while you're in the car and the wind is pushing against your cheeks and you lay your head on the side and let it push you. The kind that makes you feel all kinds of butterflies in your gut, good and bad. I found it in our routine, in our schedule. I found it in the way she took her coffee. I found it in her KFC order. I found in our quiet moments (and loud ones).
I found it with her.
I found a liberating kind of forever with her. Even though we aren't with each other anymore, I found a forever in her. Some forevers are just not meant to last.
-abhilasha// i wrote this for her.
#writers#writerscorner#writing#poetry#prose#wordporn#i love her#lgbtqia#forever#miss you#i love you#love poetry
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