#you dont always have to sort things in boxes of 'good' and 'bad'. some things can just exist without you labeling them. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ohtobeleah · 4 months

Text

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Seven: [Faucet Failure]

Summary: Jake makes his way back to you after finding out the truth. While under sedation to give your brain some rest, you remember the good times and the bad with your husband.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil.

Word Count: 4.6K

Author Note: These chapters keep getting more and more heartbreaking. I can’t even deal. Why did you guys let me do this to y’all?

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

November 22nd

The dim glow of your TV was the only thing in the house that was giving your home any sort of light. The kids had all gone down well, both Lucy and Lennox had swimming practice after school which meant that they were down and out for the count before you even got from their beds back to the door. Sam was easy to get to sleep, he always had been. He was just a naturally sleepy kid.

The gentle knock against your front door startled you, but didn’t shock you. You knew exactly who it was. It was the same guy who'd given you a tissue to dry your tears, the same guy who sat beside you and kept you company during one of your lowest moments. It was the guy that had turned an overly depressing core memory into one that showed a little humanity, sympathy and understanding.

“Happy Birthday!” Jensen cooed as he stood at your door with a plastic bag full of Chinese takeout containers full to the very brim. “I didn't know what you liked so I think I got one of everything.” You stood at the threshold of your home just staring at the man who was on your doorstep, who’d insisted on buying you dinner. When you had informed him of your three children, Jensen said he’d have it delivered.

But he didn't specify who’d be delivering it…..

“I hope you weren't expecting a tip.” You smiled as you let Jensen into your home, the unimaginable amount of scattered children's shoes made it look like you were raising a family of caterpillars, but Jensen didn't mind the mess. He understood, his sister had two little girls around about the same age as Lucy and Lennox.

“But I brought you cheesecake as well?” Jensen smiled back at you in the darkness of the dimly lit hallway. “Can’t have a birthday without cake.”

“I don't even remember the last time someone brought me any form of cake.” You sighed as you politely took the cheesecake in its cake box. Jensen frowned in response as he watched you hit the light switch in the hallway that led to the kitchen.

“Didn't your husband ever buy you a birthday cake?” He called out as he followed you deeper into your humble abode. It was a simple question that carried far too much weight than you were ready to truly unpack. You'd told Jensen in one of your many conversations since you first met about how you and Jake were separated due to circumstances that weren’t fair to either one of you. Jensen never pressed for more information than you were willing to give.

“He used to.” You shrugged. “I can't remember the year he stopped, hell–I can't really even pinpoint when he stopped caring but eventually he did and soon enough my birthday just became another day.” It was hard to admit, but Jensen made opening up about your marital struggles easy, you never really confided in anyone about any of it. He had a non-biased opinion. “But I loved Jake, I still do, at the time I guess I didn't care that I was getting a fraction of what I deserved because a fraction of him was better than nothing at all.” The tears were there, they were ready to spill over your lower last line. But you never let them fall as Jensen sat down at your kitchen bench and opened up the bag of chinese food. “But it all got too much– or too little, I suppose.”

“Have you told him about the cancer yet?” Jensen asked softly, he wasn't pressing, he was just asking.

“I still dont think I’m going to–he probably wouldn't care, I mean he forgot my birthday.” Again you shrugged it off like it was no big deal. “I highly doubt he’d care about some cancer diagnosis.”

“Are you sure he wouldn't care? Or have you just convinced yourself he wouldn't because it hurts less to believe he doesn't care than it does to believe he does?” When you answered Jensen's heart sank. He saw the tears in your eyes, the look of heartbreak that reflected from your very soul. The longingness in your expression. He saw right through the wall you tried so hard to protect yourself with. He saw it all. Which is why when your voice cracked and your support beams held together by caffeine and your need to keep a normal routine for your children in place, faltered, Jensen sighed.

“It didn't take much convincing–”

“Y/n–”

“How was Chemo today?” You tried your best to change the subject as you grabbed some cutlery. The chair beside Jensen at your kitchen counter looked awfully comfortable.

“Consider my follicles fried.” Jensen chuckled as you handed him a spoon. “Now don't change the subject, we’re talking about you and this husband of yours, who, I'm convinced, is a few screws short of a hardware store.”

“Oh yeah? Why's that?” You weren't sure if you wanted to know, but what you did know was that Jake wasn’t here. He’d sent you a message earlier in the day but you were yet to respond. You felt that if you replied it would open a floodgate of vulnerability. But soon enough Jensens words had you in a freefall of wondering if it was truly over between you and Jake–

“Because I don't think anyone who's lucky enough to love you would ever put themselves in a position to lose you.”

Or not.

***~***~***~**~***~

“Look left for me?” Doctor Ignatii spoke as he shined his little pen light in your eyes. “And right?” You did as you were told although you just wanted to be left alone. “Count to five for me?” You almost rolled your eyes as Doctor Ignatii stepped away and walked closer to your feet.

“One, two, three, four, five.” You slowly counted. “Do I get a gold star?” Doctor Ignatii didn’t take your foul attitude to heart, he dealt with people like you every day—over the years you tend to develop pretty thick skin.

“Possibly, if you can wiggle your toes and touch your nose?” He asked through a smile as he began to feel your feet. “Wiggle please Mrs Seresin.”

“This better not be my audition tape for the Madden Brothers Circus.” You didn’t mean to take your hostility out on the doctor who had saved your life, but there was a small part of you that wished he would have just let the blood clot do its damage. You did what you were told once more and wiggled your toes and touched your nose. “Look at me go.”

“Well—“ Doctor Ignatii chuckled to himself as he filled out your charts on his iPad. “You don’t seem to be showing any immediate deficits post surgery, I’d like to give your brain a chance to rest for another ten to twelve hours before we get you out of bed for a little bit of a walk.” You listened to what your doctor was saying as your mother came back into the room, you didn’t know it but Jake had just landed and was heading right over.

“Does that mean I get more of these awesome drugs?” You asked playfully, your mother even swore you were flirting. Doctor Ignatii was very handsome with brown hair and dark skin. He smiled at your forwardness but nodded in response. He was also used to this.

“We’ll give you another sedative to make sure you're able to rest, you’ll probably feel like you got hit by a bus when you wake up but it’ll give us a clearer indication if you’ll face any deficits going forward.”

“You reckon breast cancer’s a deficit?” You couldn't stop thinking about the dream you had about Jake. it felt so real, like your own personal rolodex of memories was trying its best to show you the good times. For whatever reason that may be you had no idea, but, you really had to ground yourself in your own reality. Jake wasn't the Jake from your memories anymore, although you desperately wished he was. He was now the Jake who couldn't remember your birthday or to fill your Christmas stocking on Christmas. He was the guy who let you peel your own oranges after he’d done it for so many years.

He was the guy who had fallen out of love with you.

“I do, but your double mastectomy has been rescheduled for Christmas Eve. So what better way to wake up on Christmas morning knowing your chance of kicking cancer's ass just went up by thirty five percent?” It was your turn to smile at Doctor Ignatii as he ended the conversation about your cancer at that. “I’ll send in a nurse to admit the sedative, mum? She’ll be out for a minimum of ten hours while on the IV, you should take the time to get some rest too.”

“Sure thing Doc.” Your mother answered as she watched him walk away. “Were you flirting with that man?”

“No harm, he’s seen the inside of my brain, can’t get more intimate then that can you?” You were probably putting on a braver face then you felt but your mother could tell you were nervous about the sedative..

“I’ll stay with you for the entire time you're sleeping.” She cooed as she pushed your hair behind your hair. She noticed how stands fell almost with the gust of her fingertip. The chemo was killing your hair follicles. “You won’t be alone.”

“Thanks.” Was all you said as Lydia came into your room ready to set your IV drop up. “I hope you’ve done this before, kid.”

“Absolutely Mrs Seresin.” Lydia chuckled, she felt a lot better after a full eight hours of sleep. “I’ll just get this sorted and you’ll be good to go.” As Lydia set up your IV, you had just rough energy to send one message to a dear friend you thought should know about your current state. Your mother watched as you typed out a really quick message with one hand.

You: “Had a stroke, in hospital, surgery rescheduled.”

“Promise you’ll stay?” You asked your mum one more time as you saw her reading a text. A text from your ex husband telling her he was about twenty minutes away and running off the five hours of sleep he got before his world got flipped on its head.

“You’re not going be alone sweetheart.” Your mother answered rather cryptically. As your eyelids grew heavier and heavier. “You’re not gonna be alone.”

***~***~***~**~***~

“I'm here.” Jake had taken the next flight back to Rhode Island that he could, he didn't have time to waste when it came to getting back to you. He was tired, emotionally exhausted from everything he had learnt of your condition and dishevelled beyond belief. He was sure someone threw a dollar down at him while he was sitting on the floor at the airport next to a charging port. He looked so distressed and dishevelled that someone thought he was homeless.

He kept that dollar though.

“Okay, ask the main reception to point you in the direction of oncology and we’re in room 306.” Your mother replied over the phone, Jake had called her about fifteen minutes after you had been administered your sedative.

Jake felt his heart in the back of his throat as he took the elevator up to the level the lady at the reception desk in the main lobby of the Rhode Island hospital had told him to go to. Oncology equals cancer, you had cancer, breast cancer, you had a stroke, strokes can kill you, cancer can kill you.

Jake had thought about nothing else since he got on his flight, the idea that you were sick, that you were so sick you couldn't even tell him broke his heart more than you leaving him ever could. There was once a time where Jake thought you could tell him anything, that you were able to come to him with any problem you had or were facing.

He couldn't pinpoint exactly when you stopped telling him things, or more importantly when he’d stopped listening. Jake couldn't help but to blame himself for feeling like he’d somewhat put you into this situation where you felt like you couldn't rely on him to step up when you needed him to. You were sick and you needed support, he was supposed to be that support, but instead you kept him in the dark like he didn't deserve to know you were ill.

Maybe he didn't deserve to know, but either way Jake was walking towards room 306 where your mother had told him to go. He brought his duffel with him, Jake made no plans to leave your bedside for the duration of your stay. However long that may be, he was gonna be by your side.

And the second he got to the threshold of your hospital room, Jake Seresin forgot what it was like to be able to breathe on his own accord.

“Oh Honey.” He cooed as his bottom lip quivered, your Mother tried her best to remain a strong presence but at the sight of Jake crumbling under the weight of the idea he’d lose you twice over made her eyes water. “Oh my sweet girl.”

***~***~***~**~***~

“Jake!” You shouted out throughout the house as Lucy and Lenny watched over baby Sam as they ate lunch in the living room.“Jake!”

“What?” Jake called back to you from the back deck where he was busy doing absolutely nothing but enjoying a beer with his feet up and his sunglasses on. He just needed twenty minutes. Sam had been a handful today and ever since Jake got home he’d wanted nothing more than to use his body as a jungle gym.

“The faucet in the ensuite won’t stop leaking, can you please tighten it before you get too comfortable.” You asked as politely as you could with a soft smile.

“Sure, yeah I’ll put it on the list.” Jake shrugged your request off like it was nothing but another chore you were commanding him to do. When Jake didn’t budge, you crossed your arms over your chest and pressed the issue further.

“It’s just that I’m trying to work on my new book and I can’t concentrate with the dripping.” You were in the middle of your latest project. A new book proposal your editors were waiting on.

“I said I’d get to it Hon, just—why don’t you try writing somewhere else besides your desk? Or better yet, shut the ensuite door?” Jake couldn’t see the rage burning in your eyes when he told you to basically deal with it until he could be arsed to get up.

“Jake please?” You begged, it wasn’t the first time you’d asked Jake to fix the leaky faucet but it would be the last. It was one the few final straws that broke your back before you decided enough was enough and you couldn’t stay in your marriage any longer. “I need you to do this one thing for me so I can work in peace.”

“If it’s so important that it needs to be fixed right this second Hon just fix it yourself?” Jake argued back as he took a sip of his beer, it had been a long week for him and he needed a moment to relax. “You know how to fix a leak.”

“I already tried!” You shouted back loud enough to finally have Jake taking his glasses off to look at you properly. “I’m trying to work, I’ve had the kids all week and I need to get these last few chapters done before next Friday and you go back to work on Monday.” You saw the look Jake gave you, one of annoyance and frustration, like you were some kind of parasite trying to ruin his day off to relax and enjoy some rest and rejuvenation before Monday rolled around again.

“Honey if you let me sit here for twenty minutes I will fix the fucking leak for you.” He tried to hide his disdain but you could read it through the lines on his face. “I’m not sure why you can’t just write somewhere where you can’t fucking hear it but I’ll fix it the minute I’m done drinking my beer.”

“Alright.” You pressed your lips together and tried not to let your anger boil over. “Alright I can live with that.”

“Hallelujah, she can live with compromise.” Jake sassed as he took another sip of his beer. You chose not to respond as you headed back inside the home you both shared with a feeling of under appreciated value looming over your head. What did Jake mean by compromise? You did so much and more for him, why was it such an issue that you’d asked him to fix a faucet.

He never did get around to fixing it like he said he would. Twenty minutes turned to two hours, which turned to two days, months and eventually It was only when the both of you decided to sell the property when you said you were leaving, that he noticed the leak was never fixed.

You never did finish that draft, the book that remained unpublished and half finished. You kept the google doc on your laptop and sometimes you thought about picking the project back up. But you never did, you never had time to, not while you were on the cusp of divorce and raising three children all on your own.

“I uh—I fixed the faucet.” Jake sheepishly told you as he made his way into the kitchen to see you packing plates and bowls and cutlery into moving boxes.

“The faucet I asked you to fix back in October?” You replied harshly while trying not to look at the man who forgot where you should have been on his priority list. “Glad I compromised on that one for this long.” You hissed, it had only been four days since you told Jake you were leaving, that you were moving back into your mothers place with the kids until you found somewhere to live.

“Honey—“

“Please don’t call me that.” You asked rather simply as Jake's heart broke before you. He was losing his wife, his kids and didn’t know how to fix what he’d unintentionally broken.

“Don’t go, we can fix this, I don’t want you to go.”

“Well unfortunately this isn’t about you Jake.” You tried to keep your voice down so that you wouldn’t alert the kids to your argument. If there was one thing you weren’t going to do it was fight in front of your children and subject them to that environment. “Tell me, it’s January right now isn’t it?”

“Yeah?” Jake wasn’t sure what you were getting at as he watched you pack the boxes of things you were taking with you.

“When’s my birthday?” You asked like he should have known that answer off the top of his head, because he should have and he did.

“Novem—oh fuck Y/n no hold on a minute.” Jake couldn’t find the words he wanted to say at that moment, how could he forget your birthday? He missed it entirely and you said not a single thing about it.

“My stocking was the only one empty at Christmas, not a single present under the tree was mine, you know why that is? It’s because for four years I’ve brought my own damn presents and gotten my own fucking birthdays cake, you don’t give a shit about fixing a goddamn fosset so I can focus on work let alone the little things.” You hissed before you tried to calm yourself down and get back to packing. Jake just stood there speechless looking like he hadn’t slept a wink in days. He hadn’t, not since you told him you were done and that you needed a break.

“I can fix this, please.” Jake was begging you to stay, he didn’t want to lose the one person who meant more to him than life itself. “Just don’t leave me.”

“There isn’t enough room for me in your life Jake, and instead of being selfish and trying to change you I’d rather let you go to be yourself. People change.” You shrugged. Staying now would have killed you, Jake felt you slipping through his fingers in real time as he watched you wrap up the mugs you were taking in old newspaper. “I sure never thought the man I married would change into someone I don’t even know.”

***~***~***~**~***~

Jake was at a loss for words when he stepped into your hospital room. The Christmas lights that shimmered around the room were a stark contrast to the plethora of machines that were scattered around your bedside.

“I thought since she’s sleeping the blinds should be shut.” Jake could just barely make out what your mother had told him as she rose to greet him with open arms. He couldn’t peel his eyes off you for even a second as the woman who had become his second mother took him in a warm loving embrace. “She’ll be out for a while sweetheart, they gave her a sedative to help her brain rest.”

“How long?” Jake asked as he held your mother tight.

“About ten—maybe twelve hours, she only just started the drip.”

“Oh—okay, yeah no that.” Jake tried to hold himself together but the damn was breaking. “That’s probably for the b-bet—oh god.” Jake Seresin had never felt his entire body crumbled into someone the way he felt his body crumble into your mothers arms.

“Oh my boy it’s alright, she’s alive, she’s gonna be okay.” Your mother tried her best to soothe Jake's cries but she knew it was coming from a place of love and undeniable sadness. “Here, sit down, I’ll go get you a coffee and something to eat.”

Jake took a seat next to your bedside and immediately reached out for your hand. He knew you were under and wouldn’t know he was there but he still brought your palm up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your hand.

“Oh Honey I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” He sobbed quietly as your mother stood behind him. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know.”

“She hasn’t told anyone but me Jake, not her friends or her brother.” It was hard to process the sight before him, the love of Jake's life surrounded by machines, hooked by cords and wires and monitors that told him although your eyes were closed you were in fact, alive. “I don’t think she wanted you to know because she’s just so scared despite how she might put on a brave face.”

“Or she thought I wouldn’t care.” Jake mumbled as he reached out to make sure your hair was resting behind your ear, part of your head had been shaved from surgery, but Jake never expected the hair he tried to move back behind your ear to fall out at his touch. “Oh my god—“

“She’s been on oral chemotherapy since her biopsy came back cancerous, she needed you to take the kids so she could start more aggressive IV chemo.”

“Her hair’s already falling out?” Jake had never felt this way before, so rendered powerless. He’d taken a life before and saved many, but watching you right now was the most powerless he’d ever felt. Jake caught the sight of your phone flashing with a new message with a name he didn't recognise. There was no time to ask you about the message he saw, but jake knew maybe, just maybe, you had lied when you told him there was no other guy.

Jensen: “Oh shit, I'll swing by once I'm out of the woods.”

“Aggressive cancer needs aggressive treatment sweetheart.” Your mother leaned in to kiss the top of Jake's head. “I’ll be back, coffee and a sandwich will do you good.”

“Thanks Maz.” Jake sighed as he kept your hand up near his mouth as he leaned his elbows on the side of your bed. “Oh Honey, Honey, Honey—what have we become?”

***~***~***~***~***~***

Your honeymoon was the most beautiful trip you’d ever gone on. Jake Seresin was very much a summer man. He loved when the sun was shining and the water was cool and the beers were as refreshing as they ever could be.

The resort in Bali that the two of you were staying at for the entire two weeks was nothing but picturesque with stunningly gorgeous gardens and extraordinary architecture. The pool you were sitting on the edge of was just one of the many pools that you and Jake had yet to visit. He stood on the ledge of the rock waterfall and smiled ear to ear.

“I’m not resuscitating you when you slip and hit your head!” You called out through a beaming smile.

“Reckon I could clear a backflip?” Jake asked childishly as he climbed to the very top. His abs looked far too perfect to be real as he stood tall and flexed just for you, his wife.

“Jake Seresin, don't you dare!” You warned as you looked over your sunglasses at your childish husband. He was everything any more, how you got so lucky you'd never understand. The two of you had decided on a small elopement style wedding that saw only a handful of your closest family members in attendance. The both of you saw no need for over the top extremities and thoughts of dollars spent on a single night. You thought why not use the money on a holiday getaway, your dream honeymoon. After Rodney had gone on his happiness never ends tangent, Jake wished the two of you had just gone down to town hall.

“Live a little Mrs Seresin!” Jake shouted as he took the leap of faith and backflipped off the very top of the man made rock waterfall that cascaded down into the crystal clear pool. The two of you were the only guests in sight which you were so thankful for when Jake came belly flopping down into the water with a crisp slap.

“Oh!” You cringed hard as your husband hit the water. “That's gotta hurt the ego buddy.” You giggled as you watched Jake swim under the water closer to the edge where you sat just relaxing in the smallest bikini known to mankind. “Jake?” You asked as he crept closer and closer under the water. Your eyes never left his swimming silhouette until he was jumping up right in front of you to rest his elbows on the edge of the pool right in front of you.

“My execution was a little off.” He grinned as you leaned in to give him a kiss. Unbeknownst to you though as your lips pressed against your husbands, his hands snakes around your waist to quickly drag you into the water where Jake needed you to be. With him, forever.

“JAKE!” You shouted as you fell into the pool. Jake couldn't contain his laughter. Thank god he remembered you knew how to swim.

“Yes Honey?” He cooed as you resurfaced with a gasp.

“You’re a child!”

“Uh no–I'm not.” Jake made sure to correct you as he pulled you closer under the water. His hand explored your ass as he wrapped your legs around his waist and held you up against him. You could feel his hard on pressing against your core, it wouldn't take much at all for him to slip out of his trunks and into you if he wanted to.

“But if you want I can show you how they're made?”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus @emma8895eb

#was it over? // jake seresin #tw: cancer #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin fanfiction #jake hangman imagine #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin angst #top gun hangman #hangman top gun

242 notes · View notes

tide-ways · 8 months

Text

Giving Chocolates To The OM Brothers

i wasn't sure if you wanted them to be separate fics or all together, so i took a guess :) hope you dont mind!! i had to write satan and levi twice because it deleted :(

𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻

𝑭𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑶𝑴: Obey Me

𝑷𝑨𝑰𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮: lucifer x reader, satan x reader, beel x reader, belphegor x reader, asmo x reader, levi x reader,

𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑹𝑬 & 𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺: fluff; gn reader; no warnings i think except for tooth rotting sweetness

𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑫𝑺: 2.6k

𝑳𝑼𝑪𝑰𝑭𝑬𝑹

He hadn't been expecting gifts or anything

You were dating but he didn't think that gifts meant everything

So when you gave him home-made chocolate for valentines, he was pretty surprised

Very happy surprised though

He had a really bad habit of overworking himself, but whenever he ate one of your chocolates, he remembered to take a break, have a stretch and drink some water

You knocked on the door to Lucifer's office, anxiously holding a little basket. There was a warmth in your cheeks and you looked at the floor. In the basket, there were a bunch of boxes of little chocolates, all made by you.

You were very proud of them, but Luci never asked for gifts and you were nervous that he wouldn't like them.

A voice echoed from inside his office, saying "Come in." You carefully opened the door, doing your best not to disturb him.

"Oh, darling, what do you need?" He said gently once he realized it was you, a smile lighting up his face.

"I made you something." You said sheepishly, feeling guilty for disturbing his work. You knew he had a lot of work to do and you didn't want to drag it out for him.

You gently placed the basket on his desk, telling him what it was.

"I made chocolates for valentines day. I heard your brothers talking about it so I assumed it was celebrated here." You told him with a little smile.

He stood up and walked over to you, wrapping you in a warm hug. You sheepishly hugged back, still feeling guilty for disturbing him.

"I love it, my dear." He said confidently, holding your hands gently and looking so sincerely into your eyes.

He could tell that you were nervous about taking this step in the romance, and he was so proud of you for it.

"How about you sit with me for a bit and we can eat some of these delicious chocolates together."

𝑴𝑨𝑴𝑴𝑶𝑵

When you first gave the chocolates to him, he was actually pretty surprised and very thankful

He quickly turned pretty cocky about it, though, saying things like "I know you love me, you're obsessed." and the sort

This is teasing, of course, and if it makes you uncomfortable he'd stop immediately

He likes to go gambling and when he does he always brings your chocolates because it feels like you're there with him

They're gone pretty quickly cause he eats them all the time.

"Hey, Mammon." You called into his room, walking through the open door.

"Oh, human! Ooh, what's that you have with you? Is it for me?" He joked, sitting up on his bed and putting his phone to the side.

"Actually, it is." You replied with a little smirk, making him blush a bit.

"Really?" He asked, jumping up from his bed like an excited puppy and walking over to you.

"Yeah, I made chocolates for you. You know, because it's like, valentines." You said, warmth making its way to your cheeks as you smiled sincerely at him.

He grinned, grabbing your cheeks and kissing you. "Thank you!" He chirped before snatching one of the boxes out of the basket you'd brought him.

He wandered over to his desk, opening the box and popping one of the small chocolates into his mouth.

"It's good!" He exclaimed, grinning. You were frozen by the sudden turn of events, but glad he liked your gift.

"Hey, come look, I found a video I think you'd like!" He called across the room, jumping happily into his bed with the box as he beckoned you over.

You grinned, wandering over and crawling into his bed with him, getting comfortable as you grabbed a chocolate from the box and popped it into your mouth.

He grabbed your waist and pulled you closer into him, clicking play on the video. You rested your head on his shoulder, eyes fluttering as you watched with a smile on your face.

𝑳𝑬𝑽𝑰𝑨𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑵

He would be too busy in his games to realize you'd entered his room

When you tapped his shoulder though he would feel really bad that he forgot about Valentines. He wouldn't admit it though

He'd say that he was too busy with his game because it had a Valentines event and he wanted to get all of the good characters that were time limited

He'd calm down eventually though and would ask if you needed anything from him

When you show him the chocolates, he'd get really happy. He'd quickly go back to being a tsundere though and say that you didn't need to do anything for him, he didn't even like chocolates that much.

If you didn't know him so well, it might make you sad, but you know that he just has trouble admitting his emotions.

He'd invite you to play games with him and that's how you guys would spend the rest of valentines day.

"Hey, Levi? You busy?" You asked quietly as you knocked on his door. There wasn't a reply, so you assumed he was consumed in his game. You opened the door, careful not to startle him.

You walked over to his desk, smiling sweetly and you held the basket full of chocolates in one hand and tapped his shoulder with the other. He jumped a bit, clearly surprised by your presence.

"Ah, human." He said once he had calmed down a bit. "Oh, it's Valentines day, isn't it. I completely forgot." He said eventually with a slight frown, looking down at the floor dejectedly.

"It's no worry, I just wanted to do something for you." You said with a comforting smile.

"What do you mean? Is there anything you need from me?" He asked, brows furrowing. You shook your head no, lifting up the basket and presenting it to him.

You saw his face light up, a smile gracing his features. His eyes crinkles and you thought you could see them sparkling. You grinned at him, but when he looked up at you he realized he was being very expressive with his emotions and looked away.

"That's really nice of you but I don't need them. I don't even like chocolate that much." He said, avoiding eye contact. You could tell that he was lying.

"Dork." You muttered lovingly, patting him on the head before gesturing him over to the multiplayer console.

𝑺𝑨𝑻𝑨𝑵

From the beginning, he would be very sweet about it

He would have been reading his book before you arrived

He would take a bite of one of the chocolates and feed you the rest

Gives you a bunch of little kisses

He would've bought his own gift for you

He wasn't the greatest cook, so he would've bought you something instead

If you had mentioned wanting something to him, he would've gotten you that

Otherwise, he would've gotten you a book that reminded him of you

He would say how much he loved you and how perfect you were for him

"Hey, can I come in?" You called through his closed door, knocking gently with your free hand.

You heard a hum from the inside and opened the door gently. Satan peeked up from his book, smile forming when he realized it was you.

"My love, do you need anything?" He asked gently, grabbing a bookmark to keep his page as he placed the book on the bedside table.

"No, I wanted to give you something." You said with a smile, watching him come over.

"For me? That's so kind of you." He whispered as he reached you, grinning at you. He looked down into your hands, seeing the tweed basket

"It's no problem. I wanted to treat you for valentines day." You said with a gentle smile. He nodded, turning suddenly and walking over to his bed.

"I actually got you something as well." He said quietly as he reached under his pillow. He pulled out a small box, cupping it gently in his hands as if it were so delicate that it would break if anything happened to it.

He gestured you over and you obeyed, sitting next to him on his bed. You handed him the basket and he handed you the box. You looked one another in the eyes before looking down to open your respective gifts. You opened the small box and your eyes lit up.

You'd been going shopping with Asmo a couple weeks ago and you'd seen something in a shop window that absolutely dazzled you. Once you'd gotten home, you'd told Satan about it.

You hadn't realized that he would get it for you as a gift, you just wanted to share your day with him.

When you looked over to him to see how he liked the chocolates you'd made him, he was looking at you, eyes glimmering with happiness.

You grinned as he pulled you into a hug. He already had one of the small chocolates in hand, taking a little bite out of it. His eyes went wide as the flavors spread around his mouth, holding it out to you for you to try.

After you'd both finished eating the chocolate, he pecked you on the forehead, lying back into his bed and taking you into his arms.

𝑨𝑺𝑴𝑶𝑫𝑬𝑼𝑺

He would be quick, he'd get to you before you were even finished making the chocolates pretty

He'd come into the kitchen right as you were finishing making the chocolates complaining about why you weren't in your room

Then he'd see you making chocolates and stop before grinning at you like "are those for me?"

When you tell him that they are he'd be so happy, but also super proud of you.

He'd be like "look at my amazing partner spoiling me and making me chocolates for valentines day"

He would absolutely have bought something for you

He would also have an entire date planned

He would stay in for breakfast but take you out for an amazing brunch and go shopping with you all day

Then he'd take you out to your favorite place for dinner.

"My dear..." You heard Asmo whine from just down the hall to the entrance of the kitchen. You jumped and tried to hide what you were doing just as he was coming in.

"Why are you down here and not in your room?" He complained, eyes still closed as he leaned against the fridge. "Oh? What's this?" He asked as he opened his eyes and saw the setup laid out before you.

You opened your mouth to reply before he realized. "Oh! You're making chocolates, aren't you!" He exclaimed, and loving sparkle decorating his eye. "Are these for me?" He asked sweetly, wrapping his arms around your waist.

You nodded, going back to finishing up the last few chocolates. He plucked one from their tray on the counter and popped it in his mouth. He hummed in approval, smiling. Once he was finished chewing, he kissed the top of your head sweetly.

"We have a busy day, my love." He told you, unwrapping his arms from around you to grab another chocolate. "I've planned a lot for us. First, we can go out for a delicious brunch, then we can go shopping all day. Then, we'll go to your favorite restaurant for dinner!"

"Mmm, okay." You said with a lazy grin, smiling back at him. "Just let me finish up here."

𝑩𝑬𝑬𝑳𝒁𝑬𝑩𝑼𝑩

He would know immediately that you were making chocolate. He would be able to smell it.

He'd go down to the kitchen and start "helping"

His help consisted of taste tests

By the end of it, you had only two or three proper chocolates.

He had eaten everything else

He ate one of the actual chocolates and his face lit up

He was like "this is amazing"

Thought you were actually a sorcerer and you used magic to make the chocolates taste so good

He'd let you have one of the chocolates even though it made him a bit sad

Then he'd take you out for dinner

"Ah, Beel!" You jumped, looking over your shoulder as he wrapped his hands around your waist.

"Why are you making chocolate?" He asked, brows furrowing as he fought not to taste anything on the counter in front of you.

"For you, silly." You said with a sweet laugh. "It's Valentines day, remember?" You said as his eyes lit up. He'd forgotten, but plans for dinner were already forming in his head.

"Oh." He said in realization, but quickly elaborated. "We should go out for dinner." He grinned at you. You couldn't say no to that.

You nodded, smiling back at him before returning to the chocolates you were making. He grabbed a clean spoon from one of the drawers and took a relatively big spoonful of the chocolate you were tempering. You looked back at him in surprise as he stuck the entire thing in his mouth, humming contently.

"Beel!" You quietly scolded, though you were grinning. His antics were always fun. He shook his head apologetically, but when he was finished eating the chocolate he seemed very happy.

This continued on until you were finished making the chocolates, only having two because of how much Beel "tasted". You sighed, though you weren't upset. You saw Beel's big hand reaching for one of the chocolates and watched as he put it in his mouth. He lit up and his eyes widened as he stared at you. He looked bewildered, still finishing the chocolate.

You chuckled, looking at him lovingly.

"I love you, Beel."

"I love you more."

𝑩𝑬𝑳𝑷𝑯𝑬𝑮𝑶𝑹

He really wouldn't like it when you wake him up

He'd be like "what do you wantttt" not realizing it was you

When he realized it was you he'd actually sit up and stuff and chat

And when you told him you'd made him chocolates he'd be really happy

He'd be like

"You didn't have to do that for me, these are amazing, you're amazing."

He'd drag you into the bed and cuddle you

He'd sleep on you like you were a pillow after.

You knocked gently on the door in front of you, checking if he was awake. As you suspected, he wasn't, so you slowly pushed the door open. He was sleeping in his bed, swamped in blankets and clutching a pillow to his chest.

You walked over to the side of his bed, gently shaking his shoulder. "Belphie, wake up." You said quietly, receiving a grumble into the pillow he was hugging. You shook him a little more, trying to wake him before his eyes cracked open and looked up at you.

"Oh, human." He said in a whisper, smiling at you and moving over in the bed to make space for you. He looked down and saw the basket in your hands, brows furrowing. "What's that?" He questioned.

"I made you chocolates because it's Valentines day." You said with a bashful smile, making his face light up. He motioned for you to sit down next to him on the bed and you did as he propped himself up against the headboard.

You plucked a chocolate from the basket and handed it to him, watching his face as he bit into it.

"These are amazing." He said in awe. "You're amazing. I can't believe you made these for me." He said before finishing off that chocolate. "You didn't have to, you know. I don't need anything for Valentines."

You shook your head. "No, I wanted to. I love you, you know." You said with a sweet smile.

He smiled bashfully and hugged you, burying his head in the crook of your head.

"You're so amazing. I don't understand how some people aren't in love with you."

226 notes · View notes

weirdmageddon · 7 months

Text

can someone explain what “weed paranoia” is?

ive never experienced it, all i experience is like….relaxation, monotropic autism flow state, calms me down enough to not get overstimulated by my own thoughts (i feel more at ease with my thoughts coming and going, i kinda go into free flow thought tunnels without getting hung up or ever spiraling. in fact, the opposite, where it’s like a “catch and release” sort of experience to train of thought most of the time. i mean i’ll still definitely hyperfocusing on something which you could consider getting “hung up” on but thats just normal autism stuff and i feel like i can mine for more deeper insight riches in those hyperfixation tunnels when high.

it also definitely helps me unmask. like my mask is sort of built into my core personality and “self” but i find it hard if not impossible to shut off even when im alone because ive internalized the external social sphere. but THC (i should note im taking Δ9) like…. takes the edge off, and i feel less conflicted about my thoughts? like i’m more confident in getting my thoughts out there without worrying about people judging me for how i phrase things or how hyperspecific im being to my own interests. i feel like i dont have to water things down as much because i dont feel as threatened by judgment externally, and in turn internally

i looked up my question about what “weed paranoia” feels like on reddit and the common answers ive seen were:

generalized anxiety

“everyone knows” / you feel like people are watching or judging you and that youre gonna be in trouble

“You’re very aware of your own actions and existence, and assume everyone else is also.”

heightened self-reflection (for some people this freaks them out??) because different perspective

more vulnerable

but i’m not satisfied with these answers??

i want to know if people who get paranoid have these traits while sober/before getting high. like, is it just non-introspective people getting freaked out because they’re considering their own actions/thoughts and existence? or do introspective people who are used to metacognition also getting freaked out?

are people afraid of confronting their weaknesses that weed makes them aware of? are people who normally hide from truths more likely to get paranoid?

ok so i can only fully know my own mind; that is my reality. i have a habit of assuming people more or less share the same phenomenological experiences in their minds, but since i’m autistic i’ve had to expand this boundary over and over continually reconciling with way more diverging phenomenological experiences than i thought.

so i normally i have thoughts about my own thoughts pretty much at least five times every hour, every single day of the week. i do not experience is not a bad thing, it’s a neutral and even good thing. i think i am insightful by nature and always have been, ive been described as such. i don’t know how normal this is for the average person. weed does enhance these metacognitive thoughts i have to an even higher level, and i feel very, very pulled towards them in a good, flow state way. ive also been told my guarded chilly heart melts a bit and i become more open/vulnerable while stoned but that’s because i don’t feel as vulnerable as i normally do. so i dont hide or clam up as much away from psychological openness or whatever exact shit enneagram type 5 is on

but anyway even without weed i normally feel “outside” of my own thoughts, always judging them from a third person perspective, or even multiple third person perspectives through reframing. so i dont feel like i have a defined or clearly illuminated sense of self. i’m not trying to really “find myself” so much as uncover it. like, it’s definitely there to begin with i can feel its presence, but the specifics are obscured and i’m trying to bring them to light. i automatically isolate logical components from emotional components into their own boxes and rarely acknowledge the emotional box because it’s unhelpful in more circumstances than not so it’s all a pretty clinical process when i make sense of things

because i can do this i’m never afraid of the truth; in fact i actively go in search of it and honestly it feels like THC helps me achieve that on MYSELF and it makes me very satisfied

i also don’t know if what i said is normal. am i comfortable with truths and facing them to an unusual degree over most people, or about the same as them?

i saw this comment and it’s like….. that makes sense with disinhibition of the frontal cortex. i think way too much about the rhetoric and kairos of how im communicating information to others normally, but with these consciously overthinking circuits driving and modifying my social thoughts and behaviors being turned down while stoned, i find i dont care as much. it’s like my conscious autism masking is peeled away, so i feel more content while stoned. and it also makes me more open as a result.

like i said, “i feel more at ease with my thoughts coming and going, i kinda go into free flow thought tunnels without getting hung up or ever spiraling” which is how this guy is describing “going with the flow”

the takeaway is i dont have a negative reaction to when i realize unpleasant things about myself while high. it’s just this neutral acknowledgement. this even goes for physical things that usually tip people off like their heart rate being “too fast” while high. i do perceive it also but theres like no anxiety with it, again just neutral observation and acknowledgement

basically im Actively looking for this

so some questions:

can someone explain what “weed paranoia” is like, taking into account the gist of what ive said? if you experience it do you have any insight into why it happens? does anything ive said have to do with it? do you already have neurotic tendencies (low resistance to stress)?

what does my experience while high + my normal thought processes as ive described them say or imply about me?

why am i experiencing pretty much the polar opposite of the way weed paranoid people are describing anxiety of being judged? or like the thing about my feelings of vulnerability?

am i more comfortable with truths and facing them to an unusual degree than most people, or am i actually about the same as them? am i more introspective/metacognitive than most people, or am i actually about the same as them?

if people who ARE already introspective get high and feel paranoid, why would that happen—wouldnt they be used to uncovering things about themselves? are there other reasons? does one’s sentiment to oneself play into it? neurotic traits?

oomf said “your high is always driven by how capable you are of passively defusing triggers for a bad trip”. the explanation for how well people tolerate THC ive gravitated towards outside of genetics (since my mom doesnt tolerate thc well but i do) is ability to deflect stressful thoughts, or how impacted you are by stressful thoughts in the first place. is this anything?

i hope im describing these things adequately so i can get the answers im looking for lol. please tell me if any of this means anything to you or if its just words

EDIT:

^ to me everything is great and feels significant, but is that because the things that feel significant are themselves good? if weed makes stuff seem more significant (too much dopamine weighs negative inputs too highly), that means it amplifies what’s already there (while also amplifying “noise”). so that tells us about the nature of what is already there in the mind’s contents, then?

so again, question 2: what does my experience while high + my normal thought processes as ive described them say or imply about me?

#stoner posting

59 notes · View notes

sassrubyexists · 6 months

Text

Lil rant

Why do so many people make suns issues seem like nothing? I see much people constantly saying: "sun just has [insert issues]". No. Sun has alot more than that. His life was made a living hell because of who? Moon. Sun had to see the murders, clean them up, feel pain with every moons move when he took control, fight for control and god knows what more. That has been going on for what? More than 9-10 years (Sun confirmed from a year long episode that hes tehnically 9 years old). Don't get me wrong, moon has trauma from it too, having to deal with a killcode, being trapped in the mindscape without his body ect. Though, people are still dismissing suns trauma from this. Sun was TERRIFIED. He kept begging moon, but it didn't help. Some people think that its alright because sun still had confidence and was happy after they seperated and that ISNT correct. This piece of trauma gave sun a big affect on him. Such as being afraid of the dark. It may not seem too bad, but just imagine what was going on in suns mind when it was dark. It doesn't matter how much of a "stupid" fear is that, it still has a reasoning on why its there. After seperation, he also got abused by moon. Moon would always threaten him when sun made a joke. Especially with the whacking stick. The whacking stick was seen as a joke and it wasnt serious in many eyes, though just imagine being in suns shoes. You're making jokes like siblings do and oh! Guess what. You get threatened and hit for it. See what im trying to say here? Moon also used to put sun down alot. That may be normal in a sibling relationship, I have to admit that. Yet, sun eventually started believing those words because of others who would do the same. And when moon was doing the same, sun started believing in that. Sun probably also started being convinced by it since everytime he tried to help, he couldnt. This obviously led to this sort of mindstate. Whenever sun was talking about his issues,moon would ignore them and replace it with his own (Episode example:sun and moon BREAK UP in VRCHAT or whatever the name was). Sun always had to take care of moon and moons issues too. sun felt like he was useless so what other better was to cope than to help others so you feel useful. This is extremely unhealthy. Sun forgot to help himself. Plus, people always push suns feelings to the side. For an example, monty said that sun would get over it and that it was just a phase. Moon was too scared to go talk to sun! And guess what. Sun went out to kill eclipse! He also gaslighted and manipulated sun into doing what HE wants. For an example, you know when sun was in that one state of mind when he went to kill eclipse? Instead of trying to help sun with feelings and stuff, HE LOCKED SUN INTO A BUNKER WHERE THE ARGURMENT HAPPEND, and put a magic box giving sun barely room to stand. Because he wanted sun to be like hes "supposed to be", the voice of reason. See whats wrong with this? He also would pressure sun into telling him things sun didn't wanna talk about. Example, july 16th. In the argurment, he started pressuring sun into telling him what happend until sun actually did. Another example, when sun killed bloodmoon, he also started pressuring sun into telling him what actually happend, though, sun didn't do so that time. This aint a way to deal with thse kind of situations. If someone doesn't wanna talk about something, we shouldn't force them. Yet people are still so confused on why sun doesn't open up! I wonder why! Do we need a damn detective for that. I see people saying that its because earth and moon are basically strangers, althought it really isnt. Sunny thinks everything is his fault. He thinks eclipse existing is his fault, even if sun wasnt the one who put a goddamn left behind code. Its moons fault. Sure, he didnt know that would happen, even so what did he think was going to happen. "Omg it'll be such a good idea if I put a left behind code that i dont even know what it is!!" Like please. Who knows what that leech- I MEAN. Eclipse said to him.

Its no big suprise sunny turned out this way

#sams sun #Sams #the sun and moon show #Tsams #Sun

30 notes · View notes

purgemarchlockdown · 4 months

Note

Breaks glass and enters the ask box

Hi, I’ve seen that you requested the violent asks. I got some for ya to start:

12.) The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them.

18.) It’s absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…

21.) A part of canon that you think is overhyped.

Oh thanks! I wasnt sure where the og ask game was so its nice to have these!

12.) The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them. ...Does Muu count? I feel like people like Muu overall but I also found that a lot of Muu analysis and fan depictions feel kinda shallow? I try not to rag but I always feel like there's a lot unexplored with Muu. I have a personal hatred of the Milgram Comment Section (I'm an Amane fan and 90% of the comments are utter bullshit to me.) and it really gets to me how people take her as Just a character who seemed to be a victim but is actually a bully- like. Come on- if Muu was actually good at manipulating people she wouldn't be in this prison, she would still Be the Queen.

That and Muu's cycle motif, princess themes, victimhood, manipulation, her life in a place where friendship cannot grow, etc etc. Is super interesting and deserves to be explored more! She's a fascinating character with a lot of nuance and interesting ideas to explore and I dearly adore her.

18.) It’s absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…

Uh....everything? That's partially a joke but also I hear that outside of the Tumblr spaces I frequent a lot of the things i like the most about Milgram aren't talked much. It's why I wrote multiple posts about saviors and Amane and cats and all the other stuff. I couldn't find them so I just...wrote it myself lol.

I think there should be more exploration on what Milgram and the characters are exploring Thematically and the overarching themes of the series as a whole. There's so Much about these cyclical events and power and dehumanization and its so good and I Need More People to sit in a circle with me and think about Cat Amane Momose!

ALSO THE COVERS!!! THOSE COVERS HAVE SO MUCH MEANING AND PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING ON EM!!! I DID NOT WRITE 3K+ WORDS ABOUT THE ANIMAL COVER FOR PEOPLE TO SLEEP ON THE INSPIRED CHOICE THAT IS THE ANIMAL COVER! I LOVE THAT THING AND OTOME DISSECTION AND PSYCHOGRAM AND-

21.) A part of canon that you think is overhyped.

This relates to 18 a bit...I don't enjoy exploring the...murder...that much...ironic I know but I kinda see Milgram analysis as like. Certain people taking care of certain points of interests because that's what they know the best.

I don't think any single person can analyze everything, so I really do appreciate the work the people who look at these crime scenes and figure out what else might be going on do! This isn't a indictment against them or anything. I treasure this kind of analysis dearly because I don't really know where to start with that kind of stuff.

However, I do think when most people think Analysis this sort of stuff is the first thing they think of. Which again isn't a bad thing but I just think there's other things to explore!

(...I was trying to be mean with the violence ask game but It seems like I dont have it in me lol)

#asks

15 notes · View notes

queenburd · 10 months

Note

so in the hypothetical fic concept,,,, ok actually have a. small handful of questions maybe. (........alsoalso this is. always true but just gonna reiterate Preemptively,,,, "don't know" is alwaysalways a fair answer. this is more of a. blatantly fishing by tossing prompt-adjacent-things in your general direction sort of thing haha)

- is the amount of time the narrator has experienced getting other stanleys out the same amount of time his stanley has experienced in the outside??

- how do they each. react,, upon landing & realizing they've been split up??

- does the narrator ever have a hard time convincing a stanley to get to the escape pod with him??

- since both the narrator And stanley have to be present for it to work,, one can infer if a stanley was too suspicious or elsewise he would be. trapped. until that stanley could be convinced.

- has he ever been discovered by other narrators??

- ........what happens,, to the other narrators when their corresponding stanley is evacuated?? (are they left there indefinitely on their own, does their iteration of the parable simply collapse, a secret third thing,,)

points at you. you get me.

first) yes! it's approximately the same amount of time, though the narrator has no way to measure and doesnt know until, well. he gets out. that it's been that long. he just knows it's been a long time, and it's honestly something that frightens him. he is trying very VERY hard to make peace with the idea he's never going to see Stan again, because.... if they never see each other again, it doesn't have to hurt him if Stan's feelings for him change. If Stan decides he wants to be with somebody else.

(with this said, this fic HAS to take place in the future. I put myself in this hole. The TSPUD only came out last year but Stan's been out for four years and change??? dont. dont look too hard at that. okay? dont look at that. that ones on me.)

second) they uh. they both have some BAD reactions to learning the other is not with them. it might be "harder" on Stan if only because he's been thrust into a new world at the same time, on his own.

Stan starts living a life, afraid that his friend is gone, or maybe out in the world somewhere alone, or dead. he had no idea how to process it because he didnt KNOW what happened. but he just… had to try to move on. live as a person. he didnt have a choice.

for the narrator, he has to try to make sense of why he's in a Parable that... isn't HIS. when he finds the Stanley there that isnt his it hurts like a motherfucker, but he has other issues to deal with (like the fact this one is very clearly a victim of physical abuse) so he boxes that shit up, as he usually does, to focus on the problem at hand.

but after he gets into a system, it's not as easy to distract himself. sometimes he wakes up in the escape pod by himself after just ushering a new Stanley out, and he just stays there for a little bit to have a good cry.

3) ABSOLUTELY HE HAS A HARD TIME WITH SOME STANLEYS. These fuckers are STUBBORN. He's really used to it, and it can be frustrating, but he always manages somehow--mostly, he surprises them all.

even the angrier Stanleys that are less likely to trust him cant help being caught off guard by his concern, and his laughing at their sharp biting wit, or just how open he is with his expressions. that, plus the fact their narrators are still clearly around in opposition, means its not a "trick".

hes still himself, you know? but all that bitchiness and irritability is aimed at these alternate versions of himself instead of Stanley. he is so SICK of his own bullshit. GET OVER YOURSELF, MY GOD, no WONDER he hated my guts. you petulant CHILD.

and yeah that's really weird for the Stanleys. They kind of love it. it's hilarious.

3.5) since it's tangential with the above. yeah. he's had some serious bonding periods with some stanleys. that's why in the end he always manages to convince them. because they have nothing BUT time.

4) probably yes. there have been a few where he was genuinely stealthy enough to not get caught (though those narrators DEFINITELY noticed SOMETHING was awry, they tended to focus on where Stanley was in the Parable over things happening elsewhere in the map) and he always makes an effort in the beginning, mostly to get a feel for the situation. he's done this enough times to have an idea of where to start. BUT, he has a temper, and for the narrators that are actively more hostile, he has no qualms about showing his face and, quite frankly, kicking their arses.

because this may not be his SPECIFIC parable, but it's still the Parable, and he's still a Narrator. he can control this rat maze just as well as they can. possibly even better, since he's let Stan roam through every single door and played with every single hall. Hes not afraid of breaking script. most of them dont know how to react to it.

5) he doesn't know what happens to them. he assumes they get left on their own. he doesn't care. as far as he's concerned, they dont deserve to have a protagonist at all, and they can rot by themselves for eternity.

I dont know what happens to them either. Ive thought about it but cant come to any conclusions. though Ive wondered if theres a way for these fellows to find each other. Im sure theyve got a bit of a grudge...

#tsp #the sparrow parable #repeat and write this story #Parable Actors

14 notes · View notes

forestryfae · 5 months

Text

but yeah. basically ive been sleeping during the day a lot and it sucks. works not going as good as i wish it did. balancing work and homelife isnt easy, and homelife is lacking.

i have an important letter i need to send, gotta call teh dentist, im supposed to be taking meds for rosascea but im not allowed to keep the meds in my room and noone is helping me remember the medication (which is stupid as fuck cus when im late to work once or twice theyre IMMEDIATELY on my ass asking if i need someone to come wake me up. hello??) i also have to call whoever gave me my drivers license for practicing or else i might have to take the whole course again.

i also have to go home for 3 weeks and im not looking forward to that. and i need to go spend christmas with mom which like. free food ig. family will need christmas presents but like im broke and i just dont see why. they fucking suck. why am i wasting money on people who care so little about me that they treat me like absolute dogshit. no basic respect or common decendy, talking down to me and treating me like shit all the time, literally anything that can be criticized will be critizied, no respect for boundaries and throwing fucking temper tantrums if i get mad that they trampled over them, just doing whatever the fuck they want and expecting me to be okay with it. nothing is ever good enough but if you dont try youre a lazy brat with no willpower. mental illness exists but its never the root of the problem, its always you. also everyone around them are mindreaders and if you didnt predict what they wanted youre an asshole and you lack common sense.

and i have to spend the next three weeks dealing with this shit with no chance of escape cus they can just show up with no warning at my house. she doesnt care if i was asleep or busy, that just gives her an excuse to be bitchy about it. the world revolves around noone and dont think youre something special except for if youre her. fucking bitch.

but yeah ill be spending 3 weeks mostly trying not to go insane. i need to clean the kitchen, bathroom, hallway and bedroom. i need to go through all the stuff in the kitchen so i dont have a million things i never even touch in there, plus i gotta actually cook every day and i have to go shopping atleats once a week, which wont be easy. the bedroom is a emss so i really want to clear out as much of it as possible, especially w the writing desk i have. its enormous and swallows up the whole room, and i have just a bunch of stuff and garbage lying around that i dont know what to do with.

then theres the bathroom, which is easy enough, but the cats been pissing on some of my clothes on the floor in there since noone in my family understands the concept of closing doors and not letting the cats play in insulation. like the doors dont. magically open by themselves. they were left open. theres also a fuckton of laundry and cleaning off the dryingracks since moms been fucking with those again, and she absolutely has been messing up my sorting. i went through my clothes and decided on what i want to keep and what not and now i 100% guaranteed have to go through that stuff again.

and like. i also have to look at what i have and what i dont have. cus i got some plastic boxes that i was gonna put stuff i wnated to keep in and i never got around to it so i have to just hope i can find it in me to bother going through verything in the house and packing what i actually want i really want to ask the people at the thriftshop i work at if they want like 4 or 5 boxes, if not more when im done, of just garbage. but at the same time, i KNOW theyll clean everything before selling it but i dont want to touch any of it and i dont want it anywhere near me. im so tired of cleaning and bad vibes. im so tired of stuff just not working out.

also. have been considering moving my bedroom to the livingroom. like it just seems easier but at the same time i dont want people in there or people going through my shit when im not at home. idk. its more like a bandaid in an attempt to deal with a broken leg that isnt healing cus its not in acast or getting medical attention.

#talkies

2 notes · View notes

juicezone · 8 months

Note

the last ask game is so hard for me to read so uh. freebie!! anything u wanna answer for your guy

(i did just send you a lot of questions feel free to skip any of them if it's too much!!)

bold of you to assume i wont take any chance given to talk about my things /joking <3

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know. 1: When not regressed, Cooper doesn't really like dinosaurs that much. They're pretty neat, but he doesn't love them the way he does when regressed! 2: Cooper does not acknowledge nicknames but he loves them so much but he doesnt usually give any indication of it <3 however if any of his friends/cg/babysitters think he's slipping, they'll toss in an experimental nickname. If something else suddenly gets very interesting, it's usually a sure sign :P (Super Duper Cooper is like 100% a good go to esp if he's feelin a bit cranky, just bc its silly) 3: Do not leave Puppy Cooper alone, even if he insists its fine. He will be the saddest puppy ever and you WILL feel bad abt it. Baby-Cooper is more fine alone, but its like.. a "you can leave me alone, its fine w/e" 💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits? Ward dislikes bedtime when regressed, and Cooper is like "So help me god. if i'm up 10 minutes past my bedtime, we WILL have a problem" Cooper sleeps like a brick (which is part of the reason its helpful to wear a diap when going to bed regressed. he will not wake up if he has to potty)

🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends? Few close friends! Ward wormed his way into Cooper's non-existence social group and by proxy, Cooper eventually became closer w Bones, Kirk, and Spock. They're def a bit more reserved than Ward is around the three of them (jesus cooper thats OUR CAPTAIN.) but he's not super closed off to them anymore! usually.

🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)? Cooper is Very. VERY picky. is better at eating multiple small snakc throughout the day, usually going for something like a banana, apples + caramel, single-serving boxes of cereal, those little "adult" versions of lunchables. Doesnt mind most veggies as long as they arent mushy! If you give cooper a mushy food, they will be like "incorrect. we are enemies now" TLDR: Uhhh more like tolerated foods than fav foods! Granola bars of various kinds are almost always a safe bet

🤔 THINKING FACE — what are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms? Cooper talks to the machines he's fixing! He very much agrees w/ Scotty's sentiment that the Enterprise is a "Fine lady" and treats all the malfunctioning equipment like it needs some good ol TLC. Will get very mad if they see you smack the consoles

😞 DISAPPOINTED FACE — does your oc attract others, or do they tend to be left alone? Cooper tends to give off a stand0ff-ish, distance sort of vibe so they dont really have a lot of connections w other ppl! Ward, however, saw Cooper regressed tooone day, and went "omg.. we are brothers now" and bby cooper was like ????? and then that just continued into everything else

#character: cooper #cooper: i dont like ppl rlly #ward: unfortunate!

3 notes · View notes

wigglingpandaboi · 1 year

Text

U know what? I love being queer. I love it sm.

Its like an old warm baggy sweater that always smells faintly of fresh linen and just has that sort of good texture and feeling and it just hugs you the right way.

Queer is my safeplace, its where I dont have to explain to people my idenity, i dont have to force labels onto myself, i dont have to explain what aroace means or what my gender is I can just say “Im queer” and thats enough for me.

Im done of being scared to say it, Im done of pretending like its a bad thing I need to be ashamed of. I dont have to put myself in some neat little box

Im Queer, I am apart of the Queer-community. Its messy and sometimes confusing but its mine. And Im happy here.

#Postive rant #Pandas posts #Idk im just happy with my label #Queer #queer community #its just such a nice label i love it sm #Its not for everyone and thats okay but its for me #And im happy with it #It took a long time for me to finally find a label that fit #And being a queer aroace individual is what really feels right to me #Happy post

5 notes · View notes

qblester · 11 months

Note

2, 3, 24

"What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?" HE IS STRONGER THAN PEOPLE THINK. LIKE PHYSICALLY. hes not like impressively strong or anything but a good part of his job was carrying about various corpses and boxes and such. i feel like i always say this part but it drives me crazy. he is not twinkish(yes even when crossdressed for halloween and such), you people have never interacted with men before i think. In terms of character i dont think he comes across as the "I am obligated to do the right thing here" type of guy that he is for a lot of things. Like if he saw stray kittens at a gas station dumpster he is like, going to stick around until he can get them in his car unless theres something way larger going on. he is an absolute sucker when it comes to homeless women. These sorts of situations dont come up on dash though, and he would rather shoot himself than be like "Today I Gave A Homeless lady Bottled Water :)"

"What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?"

AUGH. hm. im bad at things like this, he has a constant wandering eye, cowardice, jealousy. I might go with jealousy as the absolute root? he absolutely would never consider himself a jealous person because in his head hes Not. but hes jealous of the agency others have, the sheer ability(to be clearer, lack of Disability lol), ect. when he feels jealous he feels slighted and like its unfair, which gets him to act the way he does

"What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?"

oh i have so many of these 1. him and krissa accepted to SK- ive written this out a few times, a pretty good time for everyone, SK duos tend to be loaned out to govs or mages or gifted to those groups as guards and in some cases conduits for other magic things. they do get more in sync and 'in their own world' over time. 2. quinton go play at siatris making weapons and such- quinton with cool ass latex apron and such like we have spoken about i think about it. he would take a While to settle and there would be repeats of his negative behaviors but like, he does settle. i dont have Thoughts about this i just rotate this in my head 3. He had so many chances to be like Hiiiii SI here is where a tzimisce is and some other vampires And uh some plans they had Can i have a job over here :). they would not give him a job over there i dont think. you cant blackmail your way into secret jobs over and over.

2 notes · View notes

otherworldly-whump · 2 years

Text

Attachment

Okay so this is going to be maybe like a lot of meta, and we dont promise itll be entirely coherent, its defs a tad rambly, but like i want to talk about something i don't see acknowledged as much.

Whumpers getting attached. like maybe its because we are writing tropes, or maybe cause a lot of the people in my circle exclusively write from the whumpees perspective, maybe its accidentally neglecting of an aspect of human psychology, or because maybe my own obsession with weird dynamics like whumper and caretaker being the same person.

But people get attached. They get attached to all sorts of things, maybe i noticed it because of how whumpeers themselves are depicted or how they view their whumpee are depicted. But i notice a gap in how that attachment is displayed, outside of specifically affectionate whumper type stuff, there's often this detachment from how the whumpee is doing, which is fair, i mean there's a lot of good writing and tropes that come out of that detachment.

but I am here to talk about the opposite! which is people get attached to things, much less living ones. Even bad people, even cold people.

They get attached to things that shouldn't matter to them, or silly things, or just things they're around a lot. Everyone does it, but as an autistic person who's family and friends are too, we do it especially hard. I mean look at things like stabby the roomba, or a favorite mug. Everyone has weird things they are attached to or favorites. Favorite cups, plates, spots in the house, much less things like toys. Like holy crap can people get strong attachments to favorite toys, i have lego bricks i cant get ride of cause id feel bad.

So what I am getting at here is that whumpers would get attached to whumpees, just like they'd get attached to anything else. And I am not even saying that this would lead to them having to stop whumping, or that it means they would see the whumpee as a person. A whumper could still see the whumpees purpose to them to be suffering, or entertainment, or training.

But I do think it would inevitably lead to better long term care of it. Especially between training or punishments or scenes, because your getting attached. Having to get a new whumpee means spending time and energy traning it and breaking it in, having to learn the new ones quirks or trouble points, it might not vibe with you right, or it might have quirks that you cant stand. You could just not like it as much, or feel as good a connection, or it might just not fit in.

And in some styles and tropes that may be fine! maybe the chewing them up and spitting them out is the point, but not always, and even when that is the point you might get attached to a favorite.

And I think in some settings its defs more likely to occur. Like say I am a box boy streamer. I stream training and punishments and entertainment whump. I make my living, my community, and by extension some of my fun and self expression from streaming my toys, and how i work with them. I am going to get attached, I mean this whumpee(s) tied into my everything. Like seriously, its tied into my livelihood, my social standing, I'm with it all day, and am doing a lot of time intense, physically intense, and emotionally intense activities with it, its hard not to get attached. Even from like a cold logical perspective, i can't afford not to get attached, because I need it to do what i do. Even if I'm not emotionally attached, i am going to end up providing a minimum level of care between streams, maybe that's just physical care, maybe its emotional too.

Because I need it functional. I need it responsive. It needs to be fun to watch! Because if my streams arn't enjoyable anymore Imma lose viewers. If its to sick or out of it and its not responsive to stuff anymore, or god forbid it dies! that could seriously impact my living. Like Yes sure i can start a new serious with a new one, but I'd have to start everything from scratch which would still cause a dip.

And god forbid that whumpee was a fan favorite! New ones may be good for spiking new viewers, but a channel lives and dies by long term viewers too! If that was a fan fav, and everyone just wants the favorite back, or maybe the dynamic itself was the favorite, then your potentially screwed. You cant easily replicate that, and trying to force it basically never works!

And that's again without even getting into the emotional attachment! People have favorite toys, favorite plushies, favorite mugs, even with not favorites you might get attached just cause you use it a lot! Even the cold detached scientist types get attached to equipment and samples, look at the mars rovers, or how passionate planet researchers get about weird plants. I have a friend who works with mold samples who always has a fav sample, maybe because its giving weird interesting results,or its growing really well. And that's not to say bad stuff doesn't happen! I have gotten angry and broken a cup i cared about, and plenty of kids who care deeply for a pet have accidentally neglected it because they don't know how to to care yet. And that can totally happen with Whumpees too! You miss an injury or sickness cause its not obvious or whumpee is hiding it, or you lose your cool and push to hard! But it'd be cool to see the emotional follow up to that too! cause i remember with like the cup for example, that once the anger settles you can be devastated, desperately trying to fix it. And that might make you more careful from then on, or at least for the intermediate next one, getting micromanagy on caretaking until your more confident or you've processed the emotions finally.

I Just wanna see more attachment! Just because something is supposed to suffer for you doesn't always make it disposable, and it doesn't always mean you wont be attached to it. I don't know I could have probably broken this up into smaller responses after my first thought! and its very rambly, and not sure it got exactly what i want across, and it may have things that are extra, and missing stuff i meant so i may still do more follow ups on it.

#whumpblr #whump #whumpee #whumper #whump meta #box boy reference #I am sorta back idk #it was a rough few months

7 notes · View notes

t-treb-clef · 2 years

Text

i feel like posting today, so here’s my random compilation of “little things about making things feel clean/little things about cleaning that i wish i knew sooner”

it’s long, and i ramble about each thing a bit, so i added a cut to this post.

(mostly random to be honest. i just spent a good hour today cleaning and realized “huh i know some small things i guess.” and felt like spitting my brain onto the internet)

-spray bottles. i have two, both filled mostly with water, but one has some of my favorite scented oils and the other has a very very little bit of detergent. When I don’t feel like lighting a candle or someone is coming over and i need to seem like i have it together, i’ll use the first one to make it smell like not air and the second one i use sort of like a cleaning thing for my furniture? I use spray bottle mixtures to clean basically everything if we’re being honest. (note; i read somewhere that lavender cancels out other smells, so the scented one has lavender because sometimes that food in the fridge i forgot about goes bad and makes the kitchen smell bad.)

-non electric vacuums. holy shit i got one recently because someone was talking about how their mom used to have one and i was like “hold on. hold on what” and it’s a lifesaver. it’s not loud, there’s no wires, it’s tiny and i keep it by my bed in the corner because it’s so small but i could actually put it anywhere and you can take it apart and it wouldn’t even be a problem. it’s like 2 or 3 small rods and a box thing that’s sort of like a broom. it’s kind of a broom with the dustpan attached. but it’s a brushroll so it works on carpets and on tile and wood and it’s really useful because i have 1 broom and it’s a mess because i keep it outside and i hate vacuuming because it’s loud and i hate the wires and it’s big and heavy. and if you like the vacuum lines if you pull it backwards a bit it pulls the carpet and makes those lines. (note: i havent had it for super long yet so i have no idea how it functions and affects carpets in the long run, but it function like a normal vacuum and does pick up dust!)

-baby wipes. some baby wipes are antibacterial, but not all, so for actual cleaning you should probably use an antibacterial wipe (esp for food surfaces), but baby wipes are good to have on hand. they’re good to wipe your hands off sometimes but they work fine on most electronics as far as i can tell (dont hold me to that) and are better for when you just have to wipe down the counter or stove, though following it up with a slightly damp paper towel or microfiber cloth is good on stoves so there’s no residue just in case, but if you let it dry anyways it should be fine.

-subsequently, microfiber cloths. they’re versatile, don’t leave too much behind, and make sure that whatever you’re cleaning won’t streak. though they’re not super absorbent, gotta be honest

-if you have a gas stove, keep in mind that you can pop open the surface and remove the burners to make cleaning easier. currently, i don’t have a gas stove anymore (or really any stove for that matter), but i had one growing up and learned this way too late and felt like it was worth putting in there

-canned air!! i love canned air. it’s a duster without too much effort, but it doesn’t always get everything.

-just to note, if you’re like me and have that one fan that’s been running for like weeks straight with barely no interruption, please clean it. at some point. especially tower fans. dust builds up in there and it’s not good to breath in. also about fans, again tower or any rotating fans, don’t leave it to rotate for days at a time because that can hurt it. just give it a break sometimes. mine now makes a weird noise when rotating because i burnt the poor thing. something i learned also is that you can lightly brush like. scented oils or perfumes on the back of the fan and it’ll make the room smell nice (i should stress that you should not put it inside the fan. do not put things, anything, inside of a fan.)

-this is about a specific product, which is barkeeper’s friend. there are variants of it that are non-abrasive and some that are. i recommend the lightly abrasive liquid version. it’s a versatile cleaning product that works on most tiles, stones and granite surfaces, cookware and metal dishes, and for sinks and bathrooms. it’s. it’s just good. there was one specific sink that was bothering me because it had rust or buildup or something in it that was not going away but this and a sponge got rid of it pretty nicely so. i don’t know, i like it i guess lmao

-swiffer. if not a swiffer literally any rod that you can put a paper towel or clorox wipe on. it’s useful for things you can’t reach, and if you don’t have a mop, for the floor. you don’t really need to buy the designated swiffer pads either, just use a wipe.

-quick note about clorox wipes while i’m at it, you can squeeze them out a bit if you’re cleaning something that you’re not sure should be wet.

-castile soap. not a must, i don’t buy it often because it can be kinda expensive, but it’s worth it sometimes. it’s basically just all purpose soap- for your dishes, floor, counters, hands, cabinets, most anything really. you just water it down into a solution that’s appropriate for what you’re doing and that’s all. you can mix it with other stuff, too. for counters, tables, or chairs i’ll sometimes mix it with a little dish soap or detergent or for a floor, floor cleaning stuff? i don’t remember what it’s called at the top of my head

#long post #cleaning #masterpost?#idk ignore me #im some stupid guy on the tumblrnet who cleans his living space regularly #no professional experience #except for that time i cleaned out apartments and got paid for it #hey lookit youre in my tags #sorenspeaks

2 notes · View notes