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hopefulromances · 9 months

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Long Time Coming I Chapter 14 I Left My Heart in Amsterdam

Summary: Being hired as the first female assistant coach in the league was a challenge of it itself. Being a football prodigy and University Football Legend was easy enough. Coaching Jamie Tartt was a challenge all on its own.

Chapter Summary: The team goes to Amsterdam

Word Count: 3.4k

Warning: Angst! But not a lot. But def some!

A/N: Thought about gatekeeping this one but I didn't want to. Lmk what you think!

Prologue One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve 13

I’d been thinking about Jamie’s request non-stop since he’d asked me. He hadn’t brought it up again, but I could tell he was thinking about it. It wasn’t a bad idea entirely and I knew it had to happen at some point, but I truly didn’t want to let the world know that side of Jamie. The side he only showed me. Like the side that distracted me while I was packing to go to Amsterdam.

“Jamieee,” I whined as he held onto my waist and kissed my neck. “I have to finish this.”

“Finish it later,” he murmured against my neck. He his hands had long since made their way under my shirt, knowing how sensitive the skin on my lower stomach was. “I’ve missed you.”

Since his training with Roy, we hadn’t been able to spend as much time together and Jamie was needy. Not necessarily for sexual attention but just attention from me. Not that I was one to deny attention to Jamie. I set another shirt in my bag and zipped it closed. I let myself lean my neck to the side, freeing up more room for Jamie to kiss.

“There we go, baby,” He growled, pulling me down onto the bed. “Let me just kiss you.” I felt goosebumps rise all over my skin at his words. He really had a way of making me into puddy in his hands. He kissed up my neck to my jaw. “Just think, after we win in Amsterdam, I could come over to the sidelines and kiss you just like this.” I stilled in his grasp, and he noticed. “Babe, you alright?”

I wiggled out of his arms and stood back up, wiping my hands on my pants. “Yeah, fine.”

“Is this about what I said the other day?” Jamie moaned, propping himself up on his elbows.

“No, no it’s not.”

“Well, it kinda seems like it is.”

“Jamie, don’t be stupid.” I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. I saw the teasing his eyes fade, and he let himself fall back into the bed. “I just… I’m sorry.” I sat down on the bed. “I want to tell people, I really do… I just… I’m scared.”

Jamie sat up and moved to sit next to me. “I get it… well, no I don’t but I don’t want you to be scared about anything in our relationship.”

I looked over at him, the ghost of a smile coming over my face. “Since when did you get so wise.”

“I’ve always been wise, you just haven’t been paying attention,” he said, wrapping his arms around me again. “Tell me why you’re afraid.”

I played with his hoodie strings, leaning my head back onto his shoulder. “I just don’t want people to look at me differently. Look at us differently.”

“Why would they do that?” Jamie asked.

“Well, because I’m me and… you’re you and… we just don’t normally click, I suppose. And maybe people will judge me or you because of me,” I told him, tugging at the hoodie.

Jamie grumbled something under his breath before sliding his hoodie off and tugging it over my head.

“Does it matter?” He checked as he helped me poke my head through the top of the hoodie.

“Yeah… I mean… a bit a guess,” I wrapped my arms around myself. “Can’t we just stay hidden forever.”

Jamie didn’t answer. He just chewed his cheek as I stared at him. “But we can’t actually, right? Like you’ll want to eventually?”

“I mean... yeah, I suppose so,” I answered.

“And I know… that I really made a bad reputation for meself but I’m workin’ on bein’ better, you know that right?” Jamie looked at his hands as he talked to me.

I realized suddenly that he thought I was ashamed of him. Of being with him. It made my heart sink to think of him being insecure about his place in our relationship. As if he wasn’t the fittest person in the league. As if he wasn’t the most desired person in the whole of the UK.

“Jamie, no, no, that’s not at all what I mean.” I turned so I could take his face in my hands. “You have nothing you need to do. It’s not you, I promise.”

He gave me a half-hearted smile, sucking his lip into his mouth. “I should probably go.”

“Oh… okay,” I responded.

“But I’ll see you tomorrow? On the bus, yeah?” He slid off the bed and headed towards the door. I nodded my head, feeling the situation falling out of my grasp.

“Yeah… I’ll see you,” I called after him. He turned in the doorway, looking back at me on the bed, still in his hoodie. I tried to read his expression but found myself failing. He nodded at me, hitting the doorframe and then leaving.

I squeezed my eyes shut, hitting myself on the head. “Fuck, you idiot.”

I fell back onto the bed, shoving the butt of my hands into my eyes. Why couldn’t I let good things happen to me. Jamie was perfect. Perfect for me. But I seemed determined to drive him away. Why couldn’t I just get over myself and shout to the world that I loved Jamie Tartt and that Jamie Tartt loved me. Maybe there was some part of me, however small, that didn’t believe that he loved me. I mean how could he?

The game in Amsterdam was a mess. We lost 5-0 in a friendly. A fucking friendly. It didn’t help that Jamie wasn’t even acknowledging me. When I arrived on the bus the day before, he didn’t even look at me when I walked past him. It felt cold and I hated it. I was really in my feels as we loaded the bus after the game, everyone feeling low. I sat in the back of the bus, staring at out the window.

“Hey, fellas,” Ted got everyone’s attention at the front of the bus. “I’m about to say three words no coach ever says unless he dang well means it.”

“You’re all shit,” Colin offered.

“No.”

“Knowledge is power?” Sam tried.

“True! But no.”

“Live, laugh, love?” Bumbercatch guessed.

“Eh! No,” Ted shut down. “The correct answer is ‘no curfew tonight’.” I sat up straighter at that. It seemed to get everyone else’s attention as well as the whole bus seemed to buzz. “That’s right. I don’t wanna see your pretty faces until we get back on this bus at what time, Coach?”

“10:00am, baby!” Beard called out.

“You heard the man. 10:00am.”

My mind was racing. No curfew. Maybe Jamie and I could talk, go on a proper date, figure out the hump we were going through right now. Maybe we could come out strong than be-

“NOT FOR YOU, TARTT!” Roy shouted from behind me making me jump.

I looked back at Roy, silently killing him with my mind. Jamie seemed just as disappointed as me.

“Eh?” Jamie cried from his seat in front of me.

Roy got up and approached Jamie. “Let’s go.”

“You serious?” Jamie frowned, his lips pouting.

“You’re not on fucking holiday from training,” Roy barked, unmoving.

“What about my stuff?” Jamie protested, holding up his bag.

Roy ripped it from his hand and threw it at Will. “Throw this away, please. Let’s go!”

And all I could do was watch helplessly as Jamie got up and made his way off the bus. Just before he got off the bus, he met my eyes. I plead with him in my mind, begging him not to go. To wait. But he just sends me an emotionless smirk before disappearing off the bus.

I was on my own. Rebecca had gone off on a solo adventure, Keely was off with her boss turned girlfriend, and Jamie was… running around Amsterdam with an angry coach. I could join the boys and go on whatever adventure they were planning but when I walked downstairs, they seemed wrapped up in some stupid argument about what to do. Knowing them, they’d never end up leaving the hotel the whole night.

On my way out I asked the concierge for his recommendations on what to do in Amsterdam. He of course laughed at me and handed me brochure. It was packed full of music and museums, boat tours, all of which sounded lovely and I found a small art museum to make my way to.

Navigating Amsterdam, however, proved much harder than expected. Even harder when the only thing on my mind was Jamie fucking Tartt. Thinking about what he was doing in this exact moment. Where was Roy taking him? What were they doing? What was he thinking? Were we. Really heading towards the end? I missed him.

I came to the stop on a bridge and loked over the river. The sun was creating a river of sparkles as people greeted their loved ones after a long day. Women kissing on the sidewalk, a boy wrapping his arm around his girlfriend for the first time. The love the light shared as the sun created a purple haze throughout the town.

This is what Jamie wanted. He wasn’t thinking about the pulic or the press. He was thinking about just being able to be with me all of the time. Not that I didn’t crave being with him all the time. I thought back to our first interactions when he was suck a dick to me. I would never have guessed him becoming the object of my attraction and the sole proprietor of my thoughts.

There was a lot going on as of recently. The league had really put us through the ringer this season. From Zava coming and going to playing against West Ham in that crazy match, being put up against Matt again. It was bringing up a lot of bad memories and feelings which of course didn’t help my situation with Jamie. Jamie was nothing like Matt, nothing. But there was something else lingering in the back of my mind during all of this.

If I closed my eyes, I could feel it, hear it, see it. The crowd calling my name, the turf under my cleats, the opposing team running towards me. Playing football. Why had that popped back up in my mind. That was a dream I’d given up a long time ago. But had I really given it up? Or was it just put aside. If I had the opportunity to do it again, would I? I wasn’t sure.

What I was sure of was the fact that, no matter what, Jamie would support me. He’d encourage me, even, to go back to playing football. But where would I go? No professional team would sign me now, years after my prime. There was nowhere I could go. If only Jamie was here.

I didn’t know when I’d started walking again but when I came out of my thoughts, it was dark and I was in some back ally of Amsterdam. I looked around now, looking for any familiarity in where I was.

“Oh, fuck me,” I cursed, under my breath.

“You look lost, dear.” An elderly woman sat across from an older man called over to me.

The couple smiled at me, welcoming me into their presence. I sent her a grateful look and pulled out my pamphlet.

“Yeah, I think I’ve lost my way, actually,” I say coming over to show her where I was trying to go.

“Oh, that’s not what I meant,” she held up her hand to stop me showing her the pamphlet. I furrowed my eyebrows. “I mean you look lost in here.” She pointed towards my chest. My mouth opened slightly as I realized what she meant. Was she a witch? “You’re hiding from someone.”

…

Jamie didn’t expect to be riding bikes with Roy Kent at 2 o’clock in the morning in search of a windmill but here he was. Riding along in silence with Roy Kent on the way to find a fucking windmill. Nor did he expect to open up to Roy about his father and his past with Amsterdam. But he had. He’d told him all of it. Stuff he hadn’t thought about in years.

He was enjoying the silence but at the same time, there was still that nagging feeling he was having in the back of my mind. (Y/N) was somewhere in the city doing who knows what with who knows who. He hated the way that he’d left things between the two of you but he was just so confused. What had he done wrong?

She’d assured him that as the season got started that they’d go public. But here we were, middle of the season, and things hadn’t changed.

“Roy… can I ask you something about (Y/N)?” he mustered the question out. Roy let out a long, deep, guttural groan. “What are you doin’? Are you finally dyin’”

“You can ask me but who knows if I’ll answer,” He responded once he was done. “The less I know about your secret relationship the better.”

Jamie scoffed, squeezing his hands on the handles of his bike. “She wants to keep us a secret still but I… I don’t know why.”

Roy was silent for a second. “If there’s one thing, we both know about (Y/N) (L/), is that she’s not as brave as she looks.” It was a simple statement, but Jamie seemed to understand.

“I just… I think I really love her, and I want to be able to tell people,” Jamie said, sincerely.

“Did you tell her that?” Roy questioned.

“That I want to tell people?” Jamie asked.

“No, that you fucking love her!” Roy grunted, rolling his eyes. “Like really told her. Cause if you don’t, you might lose her.”

Roy seemed sentimental in that aspect. Jamie wasn’t sure of everything that lead to his breakup with Keeley, but he knew that this night was in part due to that relationship. Jamie thought back to the bedroom the other night. He hadn’t even side ‘I love you’ as he left. After everything they’d been through together, he needed her to know just how much she meant to him.

…

I didn’t expect to be sitting outside a café with two strange elderly Dutch people recounting my entire relationship with Jamie like it was some fanfiction someone wrote but here I was.

“And the last time we spent time together… he brought it up again and I just… I can’t do it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I finished.

“Heavens! What a story the two of you have,” The woman, Maud, exclaimed. “Why Lukas and I met at a bar and had sex that very night.”

“Wow, you’re very open.”

“Yes, Maud had a great pair of breasts, she still does,” Lukas commented, nodding along.

“But we’re not here to talk about us,” Maud waved him off, turning back to me. “When you think of this boy… what a was it? Jamie?”

“Yeah?”

“When you think of Jamie… what do you think of?” She asked me.

I took a moment and closed my eyes. There he was, shining on the field playing the game we both loved so much.

“I think of… football,” I stated, keeping my eyes closed.

I thought of the first time we met, when he barely looked at me. I thought of the night with the ghosts, where he was so happy with us.

“I think of boots, and the smell of smoke. Not like cigarette smoke, like oaky smoke.”

I thought of the feeling I felt when I found out Jamie had been sent away. The mixture of disappointment and something else… loss. I thought of then learning he would be returning. The mixture of anger and resentment I held towards him mixed with the hopefulness of returning to that night. I thought of us becoming friends. The ticket he’d shown me.

“I think of history and anger but also… an understanding.”

I thought of the realization that I liked him. His cocky smile and arrogant behavior on the pitch that turned me on waaay too much. But somehow, he managed to back up his cocky attitude every single time. I thought of the funeral and hearing his confession to Keeley. The pit of despair it sent me down when I thought he didn’t like me.

“I think of friendship and heat, something he makes me feel like no one else can.”

But what I think of the most is the kiss on the field after being promoted. The electricity, the lightening, the passion that had somehow sustained itself through the months of the off season. The idea that I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did.

“I think of… electricity, and love and I think of… home.” I finally opened my eyes, realizing how watery they were. “I think of home.”

The couple exchanged a glance. “If this is your home, the person who makes you think all these things, then why are you afraid to show people?”

I wiped a tear that rolled down my face before I answered. “Because what if things change? Or what if I lose him? I’m just so afraid of what people will say.”

Maud took my head, squeezing it comfortingly. “That’s the thing about love. It’s really scary. But the good thing about it is that you face the scary part with the person you love.”

“People are going to say what they say, no matter what,” Lukas chimed in. “But who cares what they say, as long as you are happy and in love!”

I bit my lip, my mind racing. I thought through all of the things that had been scaring me recently. Matt, the team, losing, Zava, Jamie. All of it terrified me beyond reason. But I suppose that was a good thing. I had so much to lose. A family, a home, people who counted on me like I counted on them. Is there anywhere better you could be in life. And Jamie. Sweet Jamie. I couldn’t lose him.

I looked at the couple again. “Thank you. Thank you both so much.” I scooted back from the table needing to get back to the hotel at once so I could wait for Jamie. “You’ve been a great help!”

I stared to run off but quickly back pedaled. “I’m sorry but can you actually tell me where I am?”

…

Jamie never returned to the hotel that night. I ended up boarding the bus with Ted before everyone else arrived. He seemed deep in thought in whatever he was scribbling in his notebook. I kept trying to look but he assured me whatever it was would come to fruition soon enough.

Eventually the boys started trickling back onto the bus as well. They all looked happy and well rested. Something to do with a pillow fight I’d apparently missed. That I would get them back on. But soon everyone was on the bus except for Roy and Jamie. I couldn’t help but feel worried. What if something had happened? What if they were lying in a ditch somewhere? What if…

Just as I was spiraling, Jamie and Roy came rolling around the corner on a shared bike. Not a tandem bike. Roy was clutching on to Jamie’s waist as they shared a single bike. Everyone cheered when they saw them, and I could help the laugh that escaped my lips. It was just so comical to see.

“You lovely people!” Jamie shouted, ringing the bell loudly.

Roy huffed and jumped off the bike, trekking onto the bus. “Don’t fucking ask.”

“We saw a windmill!” Jamie exclaimed excitedly as he ran up the steps.

When I saw him, my body moved without me really telling it to. I got up out of my seat and started down the narrow aisle towards him. He was celebrating with the lads, giving out high fives, when I met him in the middle. We stared at each other for a second before both of us spoke at the same time.

“I love you.”

No one else seemed to hear the hushed words but us. I let out a breath and smiled at him.

“Jamie?”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

He looked taken aback, looking around at the crowded bus. “Right now?”

“Yes.”

He smiled, reaching up to take my face in his hands. “Are you sure?”

I nodded, looking between his beautiful, stormy gray eyes. “Absolutely.”

And that was all he needed to pull me into him and slam his lips against mine. That was something the team definitely noticed. Another round of cheering, whistles, and wolf calls came from the team around us as hands slapped me and Jamie on the shoulder.

He laughed loudly, pulling me into his chest as he smiled at his team. I smiled too, looking around at the bus. At my family. At my home. There was still a lot of football left to play but right now, leaving Amsterdam, I was sure we could face it together.

Taglist: @heletsmelovehim @higherthanheroes @ajax-petropolus-wife @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @optimisticsandwichgladiator @kno-way-home @sleepy-time @wigglegiggle @skewedcherries @respondingtoshowerthoughts-blog @snubug @rana030 @ems-alexandra @jaymum @sokkigarden

#jamie tartt #ted lasso #jamie tartt x reader #ted lasso show #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt fanfiction #long time coming

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nancys4gf · 2 years

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Can you maybe write something about will when he was younger did a comic about the reader and Jonathan and it's about them getting married or generally something about them being together,and it was long forgotten so when the Byers move out Jonathan and will find it, and Jonathan is really confused about why will wrote something like that and will says he did it because it's obvious Jonathan had/has a thing for the reader and he also totally thought they were dating until he asked joyce when they were getting married and she told him they weren't together and his little world just broke down?

prophecy | jonathan byers

summary: will always thought jonathan was in love with his best friend. turns out, he had been right all along.

pairing: jonathan byers x gender neutral reader | side byler

warnings: none

note: aaaa i love this idea so much!!! i was heavily inspired by that jonathan and will scene in s4. even though will tells jonathan he'll always be there for him as well, we all know jonathan wouldn't want to bother his little brother with his own problems. but i couldn't help myself and wrote a lil byers pep talk :) i hope you enjoy!!!!

̟ ̇.˚︵‿୨♡୧‿︵˚.✩

“what’s this?” jonathan asked, walking up to his brother, who was emptying out some boxes on the other side of the room.

will stopped what he was doing and directed his attention towards jonathan. he was holding a drawing, one he recognized as his own.

“oh my god!” will laughed loudly, taking the piece of paper. “i can’t believe this is here. i’d forgotten all about it.”

“but what is it?” jonathan asked, not understanding the reason for the boy’s excitement.

“it’s you and y/n,” will said obviously. “getting married.”

“what?”

“i made it a couple of years ago,” he laughed to himself, still admiring the drawing. “i remember i asked them what their favorite flowers were, and i spent so long designing the ring.”

“but,” jonathan started, growing more confused by the second. “why would you draw us getting married?”

“because,” will glared at him, giving him an obvious look. “you totally liked them.”

“what are you talking about?”

will rolled his eyes and groaned loudly. he didn’t know if his brother was pretending or if he really was that oblivious. he guessed it was the latter.

“i thought you were dating. like, i was sure of it. you were together all the time, it just made sense. so i asked mom when you were getting married. that’s when she told me you two were just friends. honestly, i was heartbroken. i think i cried for a week.”

“when did this–” jonathan chuckled awkwardly, running a hand through his now sweaty hair. “when was this?”

“does it matter?” will handed the paper back. “i still can’t believe i was wrong, though. i could’ve sworn there was something going on.”

jonathan stayed silent, staring at the drawing in his hands. will had always been talented, ever since he was young. he had managed to recreate the color of your hair by blending some of his hundred and twenty crayons, and he had drawn the blue converse you always used to wear. in the picture, you two were holding hands, while fireworks and multicolored hearts exploded in the background.

jonathan smiled, noticing will had also portrayed your height difference. it had been a long time since the drawing, but you were still shorter than him.

“you weren’t.” he whispered. “you weren’t wrong. not about me, at least.”

“wait,” will said, astounded. “what?”

jonathan sighed, sitting down on the floor, glancing around the unfamiliar room, overflowed with their belongings. will sat down next to him.

“you’ve always been a good judge of character.” jonathan gave him a sad smile.

“but,” he shook his head. “why didn’t you ever do something?”

“what could i do?”

the answer seemed obvious to will, but the way jonathan had uttered the question with genuine exhaustion and hopelessness took him aback.

“sometimes i think it’s just scary to open up like that.” will started, his quiet voice echoing off the empty walls. “to say how you really feel. especially to people you care about the most. because, what if… what if they don’t like the truth?”

jonathan nodded as tears gathered in his eyes.

“they’ve been my best friend forever, and… you’re their friend too. what if i ruined everything? not just between me and them, but for you, as well? i would never forgive myself.”

“you’re my brother.” will whispered, placing a hand on the other boy’s shoulder. “and i love you. i would never want you to hide how you feel. no matter what.”

jonathan wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, and let out a chuckle, “when did you get so wise?”

“i learnt from the best.” will joked, squeezing jonathan’s shoulder. “now, here’s what we gotta do. you’re gonna invite them over for spring break. and we’ll come up with a plan so you can tell them how you feel. and luckily all goes well and this,” he pointed at the drawing. “will end up being a prophecy, or something.”

jonathan laughed, shaking his head.

“whatever happens, i'll be there for you. deal?” will asked, extending his hand. his brother stared at him for a second, before gripping his hand.

“deal.” he nodded, a teasing smile growing on his lips. “and you’ll invite mike.”

will’s face fell as he stammered, struggling for words, and jonathan burst into laughter, giving his brother a hug and tackling him to the ground.

“what? you think i don’t know my brother, too?”

#jonathan byers #jonathan byers x reader #jonathan byers au #jonathan byers imagines #jonathan byers fluff #jonathan byers x gender neutral reader #stranger things x reader #stranger things au #stranger things imagines #stranger things fluff #byler #will byers #requests

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hollisartsblog · 9 months

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Sorry for the long post, I just felt like I needed to get it out, if you want to read I'd be happy, if not, it's okay!

reading for the first time after almost 5 years what I used to write and think about late at night, and now I feel like doing it again, trying to find the right words.

I wanna talk about being in the moment as an artist, appreciating what you do, and not giving a fuck. (and loving ur young self)

I spent my teenage years drawing and posting here, so I had a lot to read tonight and to think about.

have u ever experienced that strange feeling, where you are like "wow. I was actually so beautiful and smart, who could have ever hated me?"

I was a completely different person, and maybe I miss that little girl, and maybe I hate her even a little. now, I'm not here to talk like I'm in a psychoanalyst's deckchair, of course. but I'm here, to resume the beautiful, however embarrassing in my opinion, habit of writing my most intimate thoughts (shareable, of course) that cross my mind at night, because maybe they can help someone, because we are never alone. just as they helped you years ago, just as it has helped me re-reading them now after all this time. I've had some crazy years. I was young, I was passionate and genuinely free to do whatever I wanted. I had friends, I had just sold a self-published book, I had "fans", I was "successful", I had good grades, I had a girlfriend, yet I wasn't happy. I know it sounds like the usual sweet story about happiness and self-satisfaction, but I don't think so (and even if it was, well, here we are ;) ) I didn't realize how necessary EVERYTHING that was happening to me was.

artists have a huge difficulty accepting that sometimes we have to look inside and accept that we have to constantly learn, instead we are always in a hurry to be perfect, to get likes, to earn, but that's not how it goes. I was literally 16 and already thinking about this, thinking I must be good enough to please everyone.

spoiler: you can never do that.

as I said years ago, our eyes are not the right eyes to judge us.

appreciate the compliments, don't dismiss them with an embarrassed smile. appreciate the effort and hours put into a work even if it is bad for you. hug your self when after a bad day you still have the courage to do what you love. being an artist is beautiful, but a huge burden, especially for us. remember that when our insecurities take over, we are not lucid.

yes, that drawing u posted that got 8 likes made 8 people feel something. how amazing is that?

yes, it will be fine, that text you wrote will be something new in someone's eyes, it won't be something read and re-read to make it perfect. you will amaze and make someone fall in love with what u did.

internet is an amazing place, and sometimes it's not. I got myself into a really bad place because I was too immature and too impatient to immediately be the artist I always felt I was, but NO ONE is after you with a clock ticking away time.

you really think someone care about how much time does it take you to get to your goal? why should it matter? I'm not going to list every single successful person who actually made it and tell you "look! they were poor now they are rich, so u can do it!". i'm telling you to always love the process; I would've punched myself in the face, I hated when adults told me this phrase, but it's true: everything pass. you are not gonna be like this forever. you are gonna love what you do one day, and love life because life takes but gives.

(tw: mental health) I spent years between psychologists and suicidal thoughts, I was never enough, and my art not only made me feel miserable, but it was one of the first reason I fell into depression. it always reminded me how plain, boring, and uninspired I was.

there was never anything that was right in what I did, every comment and every ask you sent me had no weight for me, they meant nothing because I didn't I believed in myself, yet I should have tasted it. now I reread them crying, not believing what I read. I was talented, man, I was full of ideas, I was amazing. I lost that spark, because of fear, of waiting for the right moment. i sabotaged myself because i was afraid of judgement, of pressure, when i had love around me, everywhere.

now I'm in Florence, far from home, studying in a private academy of animation and digital art. would I ever have thought that? absolutely no. I deserve it? Yes. because I, like you artists, have grown, we have learned, and I'll tell you this once and for all: do not give up. things are really getting better. now I'm not saying that because I magically healed and I love my art all of the sudden (unfortunately, I still really struggle) but please don't look at likes, followers. you're good, just because you love what you do, literally that's all that matters. I took a long break, now 2 years, because, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was starting to hate what I was doing, it had become an obligation, a simple circle to mark before going to sleep on the to-do list. to alone.

16 years old. and it wasn't right.

love what you do, take breaks, post without checking a thousand times, show your work, accept compliments. you have created something, and that is enough.

look at you past as an amazing book you just read, the satisfaction coming from all the pages you already read and learnt from, now you are a different person thanks to them. look at you future with the same excitement when you still have a lot of those pages to read.

#hollis' thoughts at night #artist rant #love is everywhere #good omens #thank you so much for how much i learnt from you and your support

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guhamun · 4 months

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@dnangelic said (inbox):

' what's with that look? ' arrogant; breezy as ever, even cuffed, the chords of the great phantom thief's voice have yet to lose their brusque and hypnotizing melody, just as the cut of his devilish grin has refused to settle even a centimeter lower. ' ... if i had to take a guess, it's because you weren't expecting to ever see me like this. i know, i'm surprised too. ' it's a lie, but whether it was or not didn't really matter when he was already headed to the fortress, wasn't that the case? still, dark can't help but snicker a little. ' did you hate me? i never hated you, you know. it was never personal. a thief has impartially to steal, the same way a judge has to impartially judge ... you understand it, right? or did you just have some sort of burning question over myself as a person that you wanted to answer, and that's why you decided to send me off? ' he'd be flattered if he wasn't the one feeling like his terrible, infamous presence was infinitely more flattering in its own way, really.

❝I WAS NOT. WHICH begs to question… Why did you allow yourself to be captured? What game is this to you?❞ Neuvillette knew for a fact that Dark was near impossible to capture, his name ringing throughout the pages of history from place to place. It had taken some time for him to realize just who it was that was stealing valuable objects around Fontaine…until he caught sight of them arrogantly wielding his favored chalice with wings the color of the darkest night. Truthfully, he never thought that they would appear in Fontaine of all places, but the infamous Phantom Thief was known for their desire for risk. It was but a matter of time. Normally Neuvillette did not speak to those who were in Dark’s place, often leaving them to be dealt with by the Duke and his people until an official trial was set. Nevertheless, for a now, before that transpired and they were taken to the Fortress of Meropide and away from this temporary holding cell, he would speak to this thief himself and discern their thoughts. How rare it was, for him to be curious to this extent.

‘Do you hate me?’

What kind of question was this to ask him? To hate would ruin his impartiality. If his emotions were that strong, he would have recused himself from this trial and had another take his place. Unprecedented; however, he was always, if anything, strict with following the rules. ❝I believe you misunderstand my reasons for being here. It is not to look upon you with disdain for your thievery. Despite my displeasure towards your more…lucrative habits, I am here for another reason entirely.❞ Gloved fingers tightened upon his cane, eyes narrowing just slightly. It was a subtle gesture within that dim lighting, so easily missed by one whose eyes were not as sharp as Dark’s. Were they truly trying to compare their two professions as if they were the same side of a coin? A thief could not be impartial. A judge must judge, on the contrary, a thief did not have to steal.

They chose to.

❝A thief does not steal without reason, although, then again, a thief does not live as long as one whose title is ‘Phantom’. You speak as if you are compelled to do this rather than because you desire to do so. You are like a crow that sees a ring gleaming in one’s hand, swooping down to take it simply because it is shiny. It is the nature of the crow to do this…just as it might be your nature to take what is considered valuable to another.❞ He paused, such for but a second or two. ❝Do you steal because you cannot help but do so? Are you like the crow?❞

#[SHAKES THIS AROUND]#dnangelic #;v: judgement absolute #;mini #answered #;;inbox #;m: neuvillette

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likeafairytale · 3 months

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“ You know, your Highness, there's better things to steal than... Forks. ” – an amused Achilles to Calypso

Calypso jumped when she heard the voice behind her, letting go of what she had in her hands. She tried to pick everything up, but the young man was already next to her, gathering the few forks that were still on the ground. The princess blushed because she just got caught. Achilles couldn't hide his amusement when he noticed how embarrassed the girl seemed to be. She couldn't look him in the eyes, and as soon as he gave her the forks he had in hand, she put everything back on the table, where they belong. The little mermaid was silent, even though she knew she had some explanation to give to the bard, who was still looking at her with amusement.

❛I wasn't stealing.❜ She finally said, trying to put as much conviction as possible in her words.

She used this princess voice that she used on her servants, the voice that means 'don't contradict me, I'm a princess I have every right'. But the effect wasn't what she was expected, because the young man chuckled, shook his head before taking one of the fork and looked at it closely. The young girl was quite taken aback by his attitude.

❛I suppose you're right. It's not really stealing, when it belongs to you in the first place.❜ Achilles said with such casualness that Calypso was once again taken aback.

The demigod couldn't help but smile at the princess expression. Surely, she wasn't used to people talking to her as if she was a normal girl, without the formality, and she wasn't sure how to respond to that. Seeing her playing with her dress made him understand that she was nervous, probably ashamed to have been caught so easily. Achilles knew that rich people were thief too. First, some of them stole their entire fortune, that was a fact. But he also knew that some rich people were stealing for the thrill of it, not because they needed it. They were stealing small things, like forks, just to prove themselves that they can. Achilles found it quite sad, almost depressing, when you knew some people were stealing because their lives depended on it. Right now, he felt a deep anger toward Calypso, but he knew, by some conversation he had with her previously, that she was young and naive, she did not know the world like he did. Her world was full of gemstones, gold and champagne, and he promised himself that one day, he'll show her the real world, in order to give her a wake-up call.

After a moment, the man came back to earth and looked around, noticing that they were alone in the ballroom, which made him frown a little. He looked around again, while Calypso sat on a chair, looking once again puzzled by his attitude. She couldn't help but think that Achilles was quite a strange man, talking to her as if they were in the same social status, sure he was often adding 'your Highness' or 'your Majesty' in the end, but she thought it was sarcastic, and not sincere at all, but she couldn't be sure, and she did not want to confront him in the matter. The mermaid straighten up when he looked at her.

❛Are you all by yourself, your Highness?❜ He asked, visibly surprised.

❛I'm never by myself.❜ Calypso answered while shrugging, playing with a fork next to her. ❛Yasmeen is always there, somewhere. She likes being in the shadow.❜

❛Of course she does.❜ Achilles whispered with amusement, making the girl frowned. ❛So... Why are you stealing forks? Like I said, there are better things to steal than silverware.❜

❛I wasn't stealing!❜ She lied again, but she could see that he wasn't believing her. He did not even pretend to. ❛... Fine. Maybe I was. I just... like forks.❜

❛Strange things to like. But who am I to judge a princess' taste. You do have really strange taste, your Highness.❜ He tried to not laugh, but his expression betrayed him. Calypso rolled her eyes and sighed. Usually she would be mad at someone talking to her so openly, but she was in a good mood today, which was probably why she let it slide.

❛I am not a thief.❜

❛I never said you were.❜

❛I needed them for my collection.❜

❛So, you collect silverware?❜

❛I collect a lot of things. I have a grotto full of human things, well two, actually, since I can't access the one under the sea...❜

❛Do you? That's interesting. So you steal, no, sorry, collect, all sort of things?❜ He asked, and for only answer she nodded. ❛I'd be very interesting to see this grotto by myself, if your Highness let me, of course.❜

Calypso was taken aback by such a request. Not a lot of people were interesting by her grotto, not even her brothers, thinking it was just one of her silly things. Achilles, as for him, found an opportunity in it. If she was such a collector, maybe she stole valuable things that she does not know about. Of course she won't know, royalty rarely value things, they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth, after all.

❛I...❜ She started, visibly torn by the request. ❛I'd love to, yes. Not a lot of people are interesting by my find.❜

❛Well, that's their lost.❜ Achilles answered while shrugging, and it put a smile on Calypso's face, which made him smile too. ❛If you're so interested in the human world, perhaps one day I'll show it to you. I spend a great deal there.❜

❛Would you? Really?❜ The mermaid smile brightly, and he could tell he said the right thing, which made him smile.

❛Of course, your Highness. It's a shame you don't spend time in the human world, although it's probably dangerous for a mermaid to stay too long there. But I know great places, you'd love it.❜

❛I'd be delighted!❜

Achilles could see how happy she was at the perspective to finally go to the human world one day, and he had to admit that her smile was contagious, and he laughed a little at her excitement. For the next ten minutes, the girl proceeded to enumerate to Achilles what she wished to see in the human world, and all the man did was nodded with amusement, for most of the things she was listing were impossible to see, but he did not want to spoil her joy. After a moment, they heard footsteps and, looking behind them, they saw Malachai who seemed both surprised and annoyed.

❛Cally, you shouldn't be there.❜ The prince said coldly, which made the princess lost her smile. Achilles was quite sad for her, for her brother seemed to have ruined her happiness right now. The girl nodded and stood up, ready to go.

❛Wait, your Highness, you are forgetting your napkin.❜ The demigod said with amusement, before giving her a napkin, making the girl frowned.

She hesitated, but finally took it and was quite surprised to see how heavy it was for a napkin. Opening it, she saw several forks and even spoons in it, and her face lighted up. Achilles winked at her, making her smile even bigger, before she ran to her brother, who was started to lose patience.

#calypso le fey #calypso x achilles #achilles petrova #achilles x calypso #calypso writing prompt #achilles writing prompt #writing prompt #i don't like it that much #but nothing new abt it #their friendship can be quite cute tho #and for sure ash will try to steal from cally again #no matter what yasmeen said lmao #icanbeyourgenie

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emilycollins00 · 1 year

Note

Emilyyyyy!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖 Hi hehe uwu

Could I request Yuki and Taichi (separately) with a reader who likes fashion but gets insecure with certain clothes, thinking they couldn't pull them off? Whether it's platonic or romantic doesn't matter since either is fine ^^ Hope you have a great day Emily!! (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ✨✨✨ Sorry if the request is a bit vague qwq

Of course you can!! 💕 Not vague at all, it was really a really nice writing experience! I didn’t specify the type of clothes or the relationship, so anyone can go for it.

Please enjoy!

Fashion conversations (Yuki and Taichi x reader)

Yuki

“Are you going to try it?”

“Y-yuki!” You barely contain a scream, unconsciously hiding the piece of clothing behind your back. He watches you unimpressed, although you are sure it must seem off for you to act this jumpy. You had come together shopping after all. “What’s up?” you smile, and he raises an eyebrow. You know you couldn’t fool him, but appearing distracted was always an option. Lucky for you, it works.

“I’ve been calling you for a while, you know. I found the accessories I wanted.”

“Oh! Let’s go see them then.”

The green haired boy hums, however his eyes are now fixed on the rest of the clothes hanging behind you. “That’s a good color. Are these from the new collection?” he asks, and touches their fabric.

Your nerves pick up, asking you to leave. “Seems like it!” you place the clothes you had back again on their hanger. “Too expensive though. Maybe when sales come.”

You don’t like to lie, especially to Yuki. But you don’t have the guts to say out loud what your mind told you.

That you are not fit for those clothes.

And you hate it, because fashion is... actually a somewhat comfort of yours. You love trends, talking about clothes, styling them, and using them to express yourself, and it makes you overwhelmed that for these specific clothes your actions always contradicted your thoughts. Like part of you was simply okay with having them between your hands, imagining a version of you where they actually looked good enough.

“Since when was that a problem? If you like them you should just try them now.”

"We came for your accessories though."

"So? I wouldn't have asked you to come if I were in a hurry."

You feel like Yuki is being more persistent than usual, but maybe it’s just your desire to leave. “It’s fine.” You insist and glance at the clothes. You shake your head. “In any case, I don’t think they— “

“Don’t tell me you’re going to say they wouldn’t look good on you or something stupid like that.”

You press your lips together. You adored Yuki, but sometimes he was too honest and raw with his choice of words.

“I like it.” He continues looking at the clothes, and tilts his head turning to you. “It’s different from what you usually wear.”

You don’t know where to look. “I guess.”

There’s a moment of silence, the background music feeling in for both of you. You know by now he’s picked up the situation, he’s far too smart not to. Also for best or worse, knows you too much as well.

“You know no one is going to judge you, Y/N.”

“I know.” You say that too quick. “I know. I just… still feel embarrassed, for some reason.”

This time the summer member does frown, mostly confused. “Why?”

As you watch him cross his arms, waiting for the answer, there’s a pinch of pain and annoyance rising within you. Maybe jealousness even. In any case you hate the feeling, because you know he didn’t mean it like that. “You can pull of anything Yuki.” You start talking. You open your arm, gesturing the rows of clothes surrounding you two. “And it looks great, okay? No matter what you wear. And— I’m not saying this because I’m comparing myself to you, but this?” you turn to the clothes. You pick them up and hold them with both hands again. Your voice falters as you low your head and look at them. “This” you repeat. “I feel like I shouldn’t even try.”

Yuki stares at you. You don’t say anything. A few couples and groups of friends walk by, laughing, hands with bags. “Because you’re uncomfortable?” he finally ask.

You shrug. Not really. “It… doesn’t feel right.”

“What doesn't?”

You lift your head and blink. Now you are too occupied trying to make sense without getting angry. “What do you mean what— wearing this! It would look better on you or— I don’t know! Literally anyone else.”

“So if you saw them on let’s say, someone from my dorm, you would like it.”

“Sure.”

“Without thinking anything of it.”

“Yes!” you raise your arms exasperated.

“So there are clothes made for everyone except you? Don’t you think it’s weird?”

You open your mouth to contradict him, but you don’t know how to phrase it other than what it was already said. You had never had expectations for others— you had seen people of all shapes and sizes rock the hell out of this clothe before and loved the way they looked.

But you?

“Those people... aren’t me.” You say, hoping to end the discussion. You could easily look at another person objectively and see how beautiful and stylish they looked, but your relationship with yourself regarding these particular clothes always came with complications.

“Look,” Yuki doesn’t want to argue. But this topic was too close to home for him to evade it. Specially coming from you. “I’m no psychologist. But there’s no harm in going out of your comfort zone sometimes. There are no wardrobe rules, Y/N.”

“Challenging your rules and insecurities isn’t an easy thing to do.” He continues, seeing you didn’t retort to his statement. His orange eyes speak from experience. “But if you like something hanging on a rack or hanger, instead of writing it off, try to try it on. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that the only thing you need to do to pull off a look is to wear it. Your confidence will catch up eventually.”

“Sounds easier said than done.”

Yuki shrugs. It was what it was, and he wasn’t one for sugar-coating things. “See what happens when you do, forgetting everyone else. For what it’s worth, I think you would look more than good wearing them.” The summer member turns to the formed queue for the cashier and then again turns back to you. “I’m going to grab the accessories. See you at the entrance when you are done.”

He walks away, leaving you and your thoughts alone, running back and forth for a while in your head, conflicted. Your mouth becomes a firm line as you weigh the options and his words, clenching on the clothes. You take a deep breath.

You hoped your confidence picked up speed.

For all the time you believe he’s been waiting, Yuki doesn’t complain about it.

He also doesn’t comment or applaud when he sees a shopping bag hanging from your arm.

“I still need to pass by the sewing store as well. That money-grabbing yakuza made me promise to wait only for when there’s a discount.” He complains remembering one of their multiple arguments. He looks to you. “Do you have time?”

You nod.

None of you say anything else, heading to the shop while making conversation about the fabrics, as usual. After a while and just before you enter the shop, Yuki suddenly grabs your hand and squeezes it.

It’s pretty quick. One small squeeze and a fast release. A Yuki way of saying I'm proud of you, by the way. The action makes your chest jump.

You hope in the future you would be too.

Because today wasn’t to say your insecurities were going to vanish when you began dressing in the clothes resting on your bag, but it was definitely a pretty big step towards feeling better about yourself.

Taichi

“Man I love thrift stores! Do you think I should take this jacket too, Y/N? It’s big but I hope I can grow— Oh wait this one’s cooler!”

You walk behind Taichi amused, infected with the enthusiasm the autumn member exuded. Of course, the fact that you had been asked to come along for your opinion regarding fashion made you feel somewhat pleased as well.

“Take both for now, we can see them better where there’s more light... and we should really have you try all the clothes you have chosen so far. We can take another look later around the shop afterward. Your arms must be getting tired.”

The redhead who was still gushing over the amount of pockets the new-found jacket had stared at his arms and blinked. Indeed, they were practically non-existent due to all the trousers, sweatshirts and jackets covering them. “Oh yeah! Didn’t even notice! Let’s see, the changing rooms were…”

Once he’s inside one of them you decide to take a small walk around the place while waiting, humming happily. You remember Yuki mentioning this shop to you a while ago but hadn’t been able to visit until now, which was crazy honestly, given how often you went shopping around Veludo. You let your hand caress distractedly the rows of hung clothes when your eyes notice a specific item. You stop and stare at it for a few seconds, before slowly taking it out of the hanger.

Your fingers dance through the fabric slowly. They turn the clothes around and you conclude it might even be your size, but that’s as far as you go. You begin to put it back into place. You would never be able to—

“Wow, that would look awesome on you!”

You find an excited Taichi running towards you from behind. He’s wearing some of the chosen clothes. “Are you going to try it?” he asks eagerly.

“Not sure yet.” You manage to say casually before focusing on him. “Turn around?”

Motivated, he proceeds to do a slow turn so you can see the back as well as the sides.

“What do you think?” he says as you both go back to the changer. He looks again at his reflection in the mirror and begins making a few poses. “I feel really cool!”

You chuckle and nod. Bright colors like the ones he had chosen were really like him. “Looks good to me too. Though the trousers look a bit short, don’t they? Do you feel comfortable?” you tilt your head.

“Yup! I saw this style on some magazines and I’ve wanted to try them for a while! I know they are not really in right now but…”

“Not at all! If you like them go for it.”

The answer makes Taichi beam. “All right, then this combo is secured!”

You both spend quite a while in the shop long afterward, and you have to commit to Taichi. You had lost count of how many things he had tried at this point. And while you look around some more, waiting for him, there are a few times you can’t help but walk by the rack where those first clothes were.

You don’t really know why you do it, since everytime feels like a pinch to the stomach.

“Are you really not going to try it? You seem to like it a lot.” Taichi suddenly asks during his last change of clothes.

“Uh?”

“You know, that?” He points with his head to where the clothes rest. “You have been looking at them all this time.”

It’s an innocent comment, but it still makes you flustered to have been this obvious. “Nah.” You dismiss the idea, heart picking up pace. “I don’t think it’s going to be good on me.” Your eyes travel through Taichi’s current sweatshirt. You hum, resting your hands on your hips. “Personally I think it’s a bit too big on you Taichi, the cut of the shoulder doesn’t end with yours and…”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well because it gives the sense that your shoulders— “

“No, I meant," he tilts his head curiously. "Why wouldn’t they look good on you? Are they too small?”

“Oh.” You blink. “No, well. It’s because— You know. It’s too good. It’s going to be wasted on me.” You try to joke. You don’t have the confidence to wear it. Never had for those specific clothes.

“Are you kidding? I think it’d look amazing!” You are quick to begin to deny it, but the redhead is a bit too set on the idea for some reason. “Come on!” he insists grabbing the clothes and pushing you towards his own changing room before you can think otherwise.

“T-Taichi!”

“You have helped me lots today, you should try something too and enjoy it!” he grins.

You take a long, deep sigh inside the changing room. You can’t believe you actually gave in to his pleas— or maybe you did it just to stop the uncomfortable situation. In any case, you are now wearing them and as expected, you don’t know how to feel. You haven’t even turned around and looked in the mirror.

“Are you done? Can I see?” Taichi asks from outside after a while.

Because you have always loved this type of clothes. But it didn’t feel right. Of course you know it’s your insecurities talking, but the thought of showing it to Taichi -to anyone really- made you feel embarrassed.

“Y/N?”

You groaned to yourself. Coming face-to-face with things you didn’t like about yourself always left you feeling defeated.

You sigh, counting to three before you open the curtain and bite your lip. Luckily it was a weekday, so there weren’t many clients around the shop. You shrug once you make eye contact with the autumn actor not knowing what to say. Taichi however irradiates enough energy for both of you.

“I like it!" he compliments happily. "It’s different from what you usually wear!”

Exactly. “Yeah, well— I’m going to change now.” You smile. “You can go ahead and pay.”

“What? You are not going to buy it?”

"No."

"Why? You look..."

“Taichi please stop saying that!” you interrupt. His eyes falter at your tone. You feel bad for it, but right now you just want him to quit it. To stop saying they looked on good. “I’m not... fitted for these clothes,” you mutter, and begin to head back to change.

“W-wait, Y/N!” you sigh and turn to him, although you don't know why. He scratches the back of his head. “I don’t have the sense you or Yuki-chan have with clothes but… I do I say it…” He crosses his arms and frowns in concentration. “Ah!” Suddenly his eyes snap open. “You told me the trousers I got were too short before, right?”

“Uh, yeah… but that was my opinion so…”

“And then you said if I liked them I should take them!”

“I did. But that’s because you felt comfortable with them. I don’t.”

“See but that’s because you haven’t worn them before!” he points to the clothes. “I get it! Wearing a dress and a wig in one of our first autumn plays back at the time felt weird at first, but it was actually nice the more I wore it, you know? Even the others said I passed by as a real girl!”

“Uhm.” You knew he really was doing his best to prove a point… in his very Taichi-like way. So you didn’t comment on it.

“What I mean is,” he continues. “Challenging your rules and insecurities isn’t an easy thing but if you like those clothes enough or are interested in them… who cares if you pull it off or not? I mean, you can take all the time you want to get used to them, right?" You frown a bit, processing the words.

You bite your lip and finally for the first time, look at the mirror to see yourself. You take everything. Then you turn again to Taichi. You didn't know what to do.

"Of course all that is just my opinion!" he says quickly, noticing your indecision. "I'll support anything you do. Oh, and if someone says anything bring them on! I’ll have a real talk with them!"

That does make you smile.

Before you know it, you two are leaving the shop. Taichi with hands full of bags and you with only one. You stare at it in trance.

You really had done it. Your stomach felt funny.

“You did it!” he exclaims next to you. “Man, you are so cool Y/N.”

You let out a laugh, feeling really close to crying. Taichi supporting you had been nothing new, but the situation was. He felt proud and happy for you. And if he did, maybe the choice was good enough.

“I don’t know about cool but… thanks.” You mean it.

“Of course!” He smiled happily, unaware— or maybe not so unaware. You had learned to give Taichi more credit than he gave himself. He had a way of reassuring people of their own negative perceptions like you had never seen someone do. “I know!” his voice brought your back. “We should go to that place Ban-chan told me just opened to celebrate!”

You shake your head amused. You are about to say he was making a bigger deal than what it was, but you stop yourself. Today was the first time you had actually fought back against your insecurities and won, and hopefully, that will make every battle after that a little bit easier and easier as time passed.

“Sure. Lead the way then.”

So you had all the right to celebrate and feel happy with yourself.

___________________________________________________________

Wishing you all a wonderful day! 💕

#did i just finished a request???? wild/j im pretty proud tho!#a3!#a3! yuki #a3! taichi #a3 actor training game #a3 act addict actors #yuki rurikawa #taichi nanao #yuki x reader #taichi x reader

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carpisuns · 1 year

Note

hello! i saw your tags on that ''if you would be so kind as to reblog this if you feel insecure about your writing skills'' post, and i just wanted to say that i love your writing SO much!!! like.. all of your fics that ive read are so good!!!!!!!! whether youre aiming for a more silly, goofy vibe or heart-shattering angst you do it so well and im amazed at your talent!

''tell me something i dont know'' is one of my all time favourite fics and i remember how much i enjoyed reading it (and crying my eyes out at 2 am adjahsf), and ''where roses bloom'' absolutely broke my heart in the best way possible!! And i loved your collab fic with botherkupo, ''two idiots and a hamster'' SO much, i seriously had to try very hard not to laugh ahdjskdhf. OH and im not in the toh fandom, but i did read ''The Death-Defying Flirting Methods of Captain Willow Park'' and i really really enjoyed it!! like i said, you write both angst, humor and romance so well and your writing is such a beautiful mix of everything!

Youre one of my fav writers on here, and i think that no matter what your goals are for writing, they definetely leave a big impact on your readers- your fics have made me laugh, cry and quite frankly im obsessed with them! I know insecurities dont simply Vanish from one ask lol, but i hope you know how much you and your fics (AND your art and just. in general youre such a nice person) mean to me, and all your other readers! <3333333

I kept this in my inbox for a bit bc it’s just so kind and I didn’t know how to respond 🥺 and then I started answering but didn’t finished and saved it in my drafts and forgot SHSJSK anyway. Thank you so so much!!!!

i reblogged that post kind of in solidarity with other writers cause i know insecurity is something everyone deals with. it’s weird because I feel like at all times I’m simultaneously confident and insecure about my writing lol. I have enough experience/training that I know I can like put together sentences and paragraphs lol but I still fret over pacing and style and characterization and stuff like that a lot. the insecurities make me feel kind of silly bc I feel like at this point i should be over them!!! but I can’t help worrying about how my work will be received by the audience. i am always at least a little nervous to post something new, and sometimes I am very nervous! Cause I just don’t know if it’s gonna land the way I intended.

And the most frustrating part for me is when I read something REALLY good and sometimes feel like pouty and jealous I guess lol going “ugh I could never write like that! I should just give up!” I feel like such a baby!! but I get over it quickly and I’m sure I’m not the only one who falls victim to Pouty Little Binch syndrome. (I mean I hope I’m not the only one or that would be extra pitiful 😂)

Anyway it helps me to remind myself that it’s a good thing that I don’t write the same way my fav writers write! we all have our own ways of thinking and expressing ourselves, and even when we take inspiration from someone else, the Us-ness of our work is always gonna come through. If that makes sense. like if my fav writer is So-and-So, it’s really awesome and cool to enjoy the So-and-So-ness of their work and break down why I enjoy it so much and even incorporate some So-and-So-type flavors in my own writing, but at the end of the day my writing will always be full of carpisuns-ness and that’s cool too! I just think as creators we are so close to our own work and we’re so in the weeds about it that we don’t get a clear view of it like a reader does when they’re coming to it fresh, and that makes us sometimes judge it unkindly. More often than not, your work is better than you think it is. Sometimes when a creator I admire feels down about their work I just wish I could let them borrow my eyes and see it how I see it, because it’s really amazing and makes me feel so much!!

Anyway, I probably got off topic lol but I just wanted to shout out to all the writers who are feeling down about their work. You are doing amazing sweetie!! Better than you think. Dont stop writing.

this is seriously such a kind message and it means so much to me that you would take the time out of your day to write this! 🥺💜 people like you who go out of their way to make others feel good are such a treasure. Im glad you enjoyed those fics!! And that u even read one of my toh fics when you’re not in the fandom? aaaa I’m honored! Blowing u kisses

#anon #ask #nice things

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auroraescritora · 5 months

Text

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME - PERCY/NICO AU HIGH SCHOOL - CHAPTER XVI

Hi, how are you? I managed to translate the chapter just in time.

The chapter was going to come out earlier, but because of the holiday in Brazil I've allowed myself to rest. I've definitely given up on having a posting schedule, but I'll try to update every week. So, just come by once a week, on Friday, because if I post something it'll be ready on Friday. And, like, consider the texts here as initial drafts, okay? I'm still in my creative phase, and I love putting sub-plots and other things in the middle of the main plot. If I followed my original plan, I would have finished the story by now. So, let's relax and have fun. Thanks for being here!

Not too many warnings apart from mental health, I hope you like it.

CHAPTER I / CHAPTER II / CHAPTER III / CHAPTER IV / CHAPTER V / CHAPTER VI / CHAPTER VII / CHAPTER VIII / CHAPTER IX / CHAPTER X / CHAPTER XI / CHAPTER XII / CHAPTER XIII / CHAPTER XIV / CHAPTER XV

Nico put the pen down on the last page he had written and rested the diary next to his pillow, stretching his arms and neck. He had written more than he had intended. Well, Percy was in for a bit of a surprise when he read it. But in the end, Percy was right, writing had taken the pressure off his shoulders that Nico hadn't even known was there to begin with. It was a magical moment, as he put his thoughts down on paper, his mind felt light and empty, as if he was telling what was bothering him to someone who wouldn't judge him and wouldn't try to give him 'advice' he hadn't asked for.

Tired of waiting, Nico lay down on the bed and put his head on the pillow. Why was Percy doing taking so long? The next thing he knew, he had closed his eyes, opening them again to feel something soft slide over his body. It was a damp, warm towel that Percy was holding. Nico blinked slowly and then Percy's figure came into view, wet hair and bare chest, wearing only a towel as he gently cleaned his body.

"Would you like a bath?" Percy murmured, moving closer to him, making him sit against the edge of the bed. "I filled the tub for you.”

"I could." He shrugged, it seemed like a good idea. Nico rarely saw any reason to use the bathtub.

So Percy took him by the hand and led him into the bathroom, asking:

"How do you feel?”

He didn't know. A slight burning that pulsed inside him, maybe? Muscle and mental fatigue? A relaxation he had never felt before? It was all of this together and more. In general? Nico felt good, or as good as possible, similar to when he hadn't run away to Italy yet, maybe even better, now that he didn't need to hide his feelings.

"I'm fine." Nico shrugged again.

"Do you remember our rules?”

Unfortunately, Nico remembered. Percy must have been referring to always being honest.

"I don't know." Nico said, trying to be as honest as he could. "It's all too new for me to have an opinion.”

"Nico.”

He stopped and faced Percy, who now had his arms crossed.

"You have to stop this. Don't tell me what I want to hear”.

"What do you want me to say?”

"What you're really feeling. Does something hurt? Do you need anything?”

"Why are you always questioning me?”

"Because you're always trying to please me.”

"What's wrong with that?”

He looked at Percy, but Percy looked at him like he was going to explode. None of that happened, though. Percy took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, an aura of calm was present. It was one of those moments where Nico knew he wasn't going to win, no matter what he did. So he let Percy lead him to the bathtub and lathered him up slowly and leisurely.

"You don't see the problem with that? Do you?" Percy asked distractedly, his hands sliding down between Nico's legs.

"Things have always been like this.”

"That's why I didn't go after you.”

"I don't think I understand.”

"I discovered that I... can't control myself around you. I made you act this way. I put you in this perfect, unbreakable little box. No one should live like that, according to someone else's wishes.”

"That's not true, I've always been like that.”

"Really? It took you five years to say all those things to me. If you didn't feel comfortable telling me how you felt before, what does that mean?”

Nico turned to face Percy, who had a distant look on his face, and realized that this bothered Percy more than he thought.

"I don't like fighting. I prefer things to stay that way.”

"Like what?”

"No conflict and no drama. I don't want to have to think about every step of the way. I just want to be with you and... satisfy you. Isn't that enough?”

"I can't do that." Then Percy grabbed his face and slid his fingers to the back of his neck, massaging it slowly and making him relax even more. "How can I be sure I'm not hurting you or stopping you from doing other things?”

"That's the point, isn't it? You feel guilty about wanting the same things I do.”

"Nico, don't torture me.”

"I'm not." He didn't think he was. "When I don't want... this thing we have, you'll know.

"How?”

"I'll run away. Not like today. But, like, as if my life depended on it.

"Nico!”

"You know, when people try to get close to me, I usually feel suffocated. But when it's you, I just feel free and safe, even if I'm scared.”

Nico thought he was losing his mind, looking like a lunatic on the edge of a cliff. But it was the pure truth, what he looked for in all those faces, wasn't the beauty or the deep green eyes, no, it was always that feeling of security and stability, the comfort that Percy's arms always gave him. For those things were hard to emulate; if only he could have found this somewhere else, Nico wouldn't have felt so controlled and conditioned to do those things that Percy criticized so much, even though Percy had never asked for them. In the end, he understood what Percy was trying to imply; things would only get worse from now on, and they would probably continue this game of cat and mouse for a long time until he gave in. What could Nico do if Percy was the only one who made him feel this way, so free and trapped at the same time?

"Nico." Now Percy's voice sounded all hoarse and firm.

Opps. He looked down and saw that his hand was in Percy's lap, on top of the towel, but in a very strategic place.

"Why can't you tell me what's bothering you?”

He denied it, not ready to say what he really thought to Percy. Although he knew Percy felt something similar or worse. Nico had seen how much Percy had tried to get over him with other people, before and after he went to Italy. So, deep down, arguing was pointless. They needed a consensus.

"This will lead to nothing. I suggest a truce." Nico said, instead of explaining himself.

"Truce? This is not a war.”

"So why all we do is fight and have sex? I'd much rather just have sex.”

This brought a little smile to the corner of Percy's lips.

"What do you suggest?”

"l will... trust you and do whatever you ask if you stop questioning me.”

Now, Percy just looked sad.

"I don't want you to feel bad and cornered. I just worry. I want you to be the best possible version of yourself.”

"What if I just want to be the Nico who wants to be with Percy and not have to argue?”

"That's fine. We can do it your way. You have to promise me that if it's not working, you'll tell me.”

"I promise.”

All Nico could do was hope for the best and try to keep his end of the bargain.

***

When they woke up again, the sun was high in the sky, the morning already giving way to afternoon at a milder temperature. They were still in bed, his head on Percy's shoulder and Percy's arms around his waist. Finally, the silence was lasting more than five minutes. They didn't need to do anything or be anywhere other than there, where they had chosen to be.

"Hungry?" Nico heard Percy say quietly, his voice hoarse with sleep.

"No.”

"Not at all? Sally will come here soon, to see if we're still alive.”

That would be funny. Nico could even imagine Sally opening the door and catching them in bed like that, naked and hugging. It would be great.

With this thought haunting him, Nico disentangled himself from Percy and sat down on the bed, feeling slightly dizzy but content, stretching until he fell backwards, closing his eyes. Maybe he needed something to eat. When was the last time? Had he even eaten anything at the party or just drunk?

"Tired?”

Nico sighed and gave in, knowing that his peace was about to end. He lay on his side of the bed and stared at Percy, who didn't look happy at all.

"Not much.”

"You know, I think we should create a system.”

"I think--”

"Every time you lie to me you will be punished.”

"You said you wouldn't doubt me!”

"It's not a doubt when I know the truth, when I see you lying to me.”

"What do you want me to do?”

"Tell the truth or say nothing at all.”

"Oh.”

"Are you going to spend the rest of your life keeping quiet to please me?”

That was a good question. It was hard to go back into the darkness when you could see so much light.

"This isn't funny." He muttered, feeling something inside his chest spread.

"Yeah. Imagine how I feel watching you lower yourself, being less than you could be.”

"I don't do it all the time.”

"No?”

"Only with you.”

Then Nico saw Percy reach out and touch his face in a light caress.

"I hate what I did to you, what your father did.”

"You didn't do anything." His father, on the other hand, was a different story.

"I molded you into this perfect person who is afraid of offending anyone.”

"That's not true! I…”

"I want you to scream if you want. I want you to hit me, to curse me if you feel like it. To revolt. Demand it. I never want to see you so hurt again.”

Maybe Percy was right. But did he really have to do these things? Wasn't something he could see himself doing.

"Don't get me wrong. You don't have to. But if you want to, or one day do these things, it's okay and completely normal”.

"Normal? How can doing these things be normal?”

"Gods." Percy hugged him tighter and leaned his head on Nico’s shoulder. "You don't have to be perfect. Do you understand that?”

But if he's not perfect, no one will like him. How could Nico not be what he already was?

"It's all right." Percy said, but Nico had the impression that Percy was saying this to himself.

In the end, Nico chose to keep quiet. What he had to say wouldn't make any difference, and maybe Percy was right. If he had nothing good to say, he'd better keep his mouth shut.

***

"Gods, what has Percy done to you?!”

As soon as they got downstairs, Sally greeted them with a loving smile and tight hugs. That is, that's what happened until Sally saw the bruise on Nico's neck; a bruise that was actually a well-placed hickey.

"Mom, you're exaggerating.”

Nico, poor thing, looked between them, trying to understand what was going on. And Percy, like a good Samaritan, helped him to understand it. As if on cue, Percy put his hand on Nico's neck and Nico moaned. Whether it was pain, surprise or pleasure, was hard to tell. Whatever it was, it made his heart race and something else wake.

"Oh." Nico then said, bringing his hand up to his neck. "I didn't realize. It’s very ugly?”

"I wouldn't say that.”

He heard laughter behind him, but preferred to concentrate on Nico, who was frowning sweetly and taking his cell phone out of his pocket, looking at himself in the reflection of the screen.

"Percy! What were you trying to do? Tear off a piece?”

"You are not the only one." Percy opened the first two buttons of his shirt and showed his set of marks, small nails and the shape of teeth that went down until they disappeared inside his shirt.

"I... I didn't do this! Did I?”

"And much more.”

Percy couldn't help himself, he laughed and pulled Nico into a hug, kissing his cheek. But everything seemed to be fine, because as soon as Percy hugged him, Nico melted against his shoulder, hugging him back.

"It's all right. You can bite me all you want, I like it. "And the way things were going, Nico liked it too.

Percy heard a snort and turned to look at Sally, who didn’t seem all that happy about the display of... affection.”

"Percy Jackson! That's not how you treat people.”

"It was something mutual. And if you must know, Nico started it. You can ask Annabeth, she was the first to see. See here? It was the first." And, right at the nape of his neck, where his hair was starting to grow long, there was a mark that was beginning to fade.

Nico hid his face in his shoulder and Sally crossed her arms. And before another wave of complaints arrived, Percy hurried over:

"Permission to maim?" Nico nodded yes, too embarrassed to face the room full of witnesses, which didn't stop the cursing, laughter and protests.

"That's enough." Sally raised one of her hands to her face and turned to Nico, making him raise his face. "Are you all right, darling? How was the party? Better than old times, no?”

Immediately, Percy knew something was wrong. Suddenly, Nico opened his mouth, about to say something and then closed it, cowering against his arms. The worst part was seeing Nico raise his head and look at him, as if waiting for Percy's permission for something, keeping his lips sealed tightly. He heard another gasp and realized that everyone was waiting for Nico to answer. Grover, Tyson and Sally all found Nico's behavior strange.

All that was left for Percy to do was smile and lead Nico into the living room to sit with him on the sofa.

"What's going on, hm?”

But all Nico did was deny it and look down at his lap, refusing to face him.

"Please.”

This made Nico look between his eyelashes at him and take a deep breath: "I thought about what you said last night.”

"About not lying?”

"About keeping quiet.”

Something in Percy's chest tightened at that moment, and hoping it wasn't what he thought, he asked: "Why would you keep quiet?”

"You said that if I was going to lie, I should keep quiet, and since I have nothing important to say, I'll do as you say.”

Percy thought he had stopped breathing.

He wasn't serious! Who would follow such a ridiculous order? He just wanted to make Nico respond in any way other than accepting everything without protest, he wanted to make him react and see what was going on. And instead, Nico decided to go along with it in the worst possible way?

"Baby, please. I was wrong. I just wanted you to react.”

"React how?”

"In any way you want." Percy then smiled, trying to encourage Nico. "Come on, you can shout at me. You can swear at me. I've done something very bad. I deserve punishment.”

"Punishment?" Nico tilted his head like a confused puppy and moved closer. He kissed him on the lips in a sweet, gentle kiss and touched his hair, smiling angelically. "That's it. Your punishment.”

Percy wanted to cry. Why did everything he said seem to come out backwards? Or maybe it was Nico doing the best he could.

"Are you punishing me or comforting me?”

"If I choose the punishment, you have to accept it.”

Percy let himself go and hugged Nico tightly, hearing him sigh with pleasure.

"I don't deserve you. I just wanted you to feel free to express yourself. You've been kept quiet for so long that I'm afraid the same thing will happen now.”

"I know." Nico murmured softly, looking pleased.

"What you have to say is important, always will be.”

"I thought that if I kept quiet I wouldn't have to measure my words.”

"Don't make me cry.”

"You're so silly. "Nico finally said, the only sincere thing in all that. "I made that decision. I had all the freedom in the world, but at the end of the day, I still missed you and the way things were.”

In the end, life was about decisions and consequences. He continued to hug Percy and understood, Percy was as lost as he was in all this confusion, he understood that it was a period of adaptation and soon everything would return to normal. Now, what that normal was, they both had no idea, since they had never had a common friendship.

"I'm sorry." Nico said again. "I think it's a period of adjustment. I'll try not to take everything you say so seriously.”

"I'm very happy about that." The truth was that Percy was relieved, thanking all the gods and deities for finding someone so understanding, although he would have liked Nico to be more combative.

Don't get him wrong, Nico was one of the most independent and responsible people he had ever met, but what Nico had in the way of independence, he also had in the way of emotional dependence. And sometimes that emotional dependence was too heavy for him to carry alone, although he was willing to carry it for the rest of his life if it guaranteed that Nico would stay in his life.

"So, are we okay?" Nico asked, raising his head and peeking at him shyly.

"Of course, baby. As long as you are.”

Nico seemed immediately reassured. And if that’s what Nico wanted, Percy would do his best to sort things out. Obviously, asking hadn't worked it, nor had talking or pressuring. The way would be to do things the traditional way. Not that he knew what he was doing in the past, but if it’d worked before, it would work now.

Smiling, like nothing had happened, he guided Nico back to the kitchen and sat down next to him at the table, discovering too late that everyone had overheard his conversation with Nico. What could he do? Nico's well-being was more important than the disapproving looks. He knew he would soon see the reprimand, and if making a mistake was necessary to put right what he had done, then so be it! Percy would never regret putting Nico first.

"Pancakes or eggs?”

"Pancakes." Nico answered him. So pancakes it was.

This was nothing new. Nico's favorite foods were sweet, and the savory ones had a nostalgic feeling, from the time when Nico's mother was still alive. So, next to the pancakes and the chocolate topping, Percy placed a cheese croissant in Nico’s plate, along with a glass of juice and a cup of coffee.

It was incredible. It seemed as if nothing bad had happened ten minutes ago. Nico took the first gulp from his coffee cup and smiled like it was the happiest day of his life, diving into his sugary pancakes next. And just like that, as if by magic, the atmosphere was friendly again, Nico chatting animatedly with Sally, while he, Grover and Tyson watched, trembling for the next feast they would be forced to attend.

"Dude, thanks for letting me stay. My mom's back.”

"You can stay as long as you like, it's your house. Why don't you pack a bag and stay until graduation? It won't be long now.

"If a whole year isn't too much..." Both he and Grover shrugged and Grover punched his shoulder amiably, making them both smile. It was a good idea, especially when he and Nico left; his mother would be alone and Grover would always be a great company.

"Really! What are you still doing in that house?”

"Yeah! There'll always be a room for you." Tyson finally deigned to join in the conversation, usually preferring to stay away from the drama. "You already work for us, what does it takes to be part of the family?”

"Do you think working is smiling at customers and taking them to the right table when others can't?”

"Of course it is. You even wear a nice suit and comb your hair with gel." Tyson continued, all too happy to mock Grover, back to their natural routine.

"Shut up! That's not even a uniform. Juniper likes it..." Grover's last words sounded very low, as if he was embarrassed.

And well, who was Percy to interrupt such a sweet and happy moment?

He turned to his food and took the first bite of his eggs, soft and lightly salted, just the way he liked them, and took a sip of his strong coffee without sugar or milk, noticing that Nico had already finished eating and was looking at him with a little smile on his face.

"What is it, hm? Do you want more?”

"No. I like to see you happy and having fun with your friends. You didn't used to do that.”

"It's true. I told you I had problems, didn't I?”

"I didn’t take it seriously. You always seem so determined and confident.”

"That doesn't mean I was right.”

"Hm." Nico murmured, thoughtfully. "I never thought about it from that angle. I think everyone has something to hide. Some people just hide it better.”

"That's just it. The more things we hide, the better actors we are, no?" Percy couldn't help himself, Nico was being so sincere that he deserved a reward. He pulled Nico by the scruff of his neck and kissed him right there in front of everyone, a kiss meant for four walls.

"What was that?" Nico said as soon as he caught his breath.

"A reward for an obedient baby.”

Blushing from head to toe, Nico just looked at him, giving him a cute little peck, but not complaining. What could he do? If that was how Nico understood it, then that was how it would be from now on.

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So? I have the impression that Nico is becoming so dramatic… or is it Percy's view of him? Well, I think Nico thinks Percy is a bit dramatic too 🤣🤣🤣🤣 What's your opinion? Your comments help me to understand the weak points in the story so that I can rewrite it in the best way in the future.

Thanks for reading!

#nico di angelo #percy/nico #my writing #percico #pernico #percy jackson #there's no place like home

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dojae-huh · 7 months

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I was going to talk about it ..u posted it...right fans were kinda sad that he didnt active on weaver's I guess....but u knw i want to ask this..is jaes brain and charecter is entirely and totally different than any others in 127??

I mean when they were sending messages literally evryone was together...dy even said we are infront of yuta in one message right....cant jh just go with the flaw..dont take it wrongly...I am not forcing and pushing anyone out of their charecter...infact I knw people who goes with the falw and people who ignores these kind of things ....I am not judging them..I have no right on that...but most of the people who ignores this are someone who doesnt have followers and admirers...so they dont have to care what others think and most importantly they wont criticized that badly ....but jh is an idol with millions followers...fans are eagerly waiting for his updation when evryone in his group is active ...I knw it is the exact reason why he divide his life as jh and yuno...but when he is jh he needs to fulfill some duties right.. not just to please the fans but also to save from this kind of stupid criticism...I myself is not a fan of asking my idol to do something or forcing them to entertain us..fans...I think it is totally bullshit and ridiculous..I knw idol are just common people like us who have feelings and pain...ok..but what I want to convey is there is a clear way to stop this kind of talk of fans from happening...just giving out messages playing with the members wont do anything...plus it will be good for his image...but he chose not to do that...instead gets the criticism from fans and tells them to dont be upset ..and it is me ...this behaviour is what I dont understand...u should knw that I am not saying he should always please the fans and entertan them...but their criticism if really hurts him...and it Is not the first time too...if it really hurts his feelings then he can go with easy way that evryone is using right...even if he does that he can still says that jh is different from yuno..who would never do smthng if others want it from him...and he really dont care abt the world ...I guess..

That's why I ask u as a long term observer of jh...what is his charecter..I knw u wrote about his brain type..I read it...but that's not what I wanted..I mean why wouldn't he choose an easy way rather to makes things more complicated.i felt it is amazing..and his is kinda stubborn nature..no matter how soft u are these people can blast ..and I really wonder how jaedo being in a relationship almost for 10 yrs this smoothly..both are kinda weird...strange tho...

I guess Jaehyun is resistant to peer pressure. If he is not bulging, it means the issue is important to him. Something that might look as not big of a deal to you, might be betraying himself in his own eyes. I can say for myself that it is extremely hard for me to ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do. There are situations where it is easier to just say "I'm sorry", brush it off and move on, but I will rather go into escalation of the conflict than lie and "acknowledge my fault" in such a case.

Jaehyun said he decided to post once a week on bubble, he normally writes thankful messages after concerts and such. He sometimes participates in leaving comments on socmed under other neos' posts/lives, but only when he wants. He has already started posting much more frequiently on IG and on bubble. He posts whimsical pictures, jokes. The thing is, nothing will ever be enough for some of his stans, and antis will always find a reason to hate on him and a way to paint him black. It is antis who use his socmed behaviour as a tool. If he gives up territory now, he will be pressured to give even more later. Give fans an inch, they will take a mile. Remember Doyoung's situation a year ago? When he talked about Link+ instead of Brasil where 127 had a concert? This happened to a neo who rivals Chenle on the number of messages to fans on all accounts.

Notice that Jaehyun underlined that he is always glad to see fans during fanmeetings and on concerts, he also wrote that he will continue to give his fans back via performing and new music. He drew a clear boundary and showed who he thinks are his real fans (those who like him for the music and who accept the real him).

Jaehyun didn't say the accusation hurts him. He said he doesn't like that his fans are hurt because of those "fans" who calculate his love for his fans based on the frequiency of his messages. He did precisely what you want him to do: he came in and stopped the issue from developing further. He said "(fans) trust my words (don't be gullable)". Doyoung does exactly the same, just with more sugar.

Remember that his fans turned on him during his scandal, he was sent death threats during live in the chat. It is already wonder he was able to comeback to communication with his fans to almost how he was before after 2-3 years. There is a need to divide the mass of fans into real fans who really cherish you and wish you good and those fickle fans for whom you are an object.

As for Weverse. He let Jungwoo take a picture with him and post it. They were drinking beer and relaxing. For Yuta chatting with fans is fun, he wants that attention, he wants to live the rock-star life (he once said he reads comments on YT about himself often). Taeyong is chronically online as well. Doyoung always thinks about promotion (and the current Weverse activity is promotion). As for Jaehyun, he most probably just wanted to relax after work, maybe he talked to his parents or his non-NCT friends. It was his private time. He probably hasn't figured out how to use Weverse, so "leaving a few comments" would require a lot of work, actually. Other neos regularly write nonsence on IG under each others posts, he never joins. So why would the thought "I should join to not look suspicious" occure to him on that day?

#ask me away #he likes the night view

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shadowqueen402 · 9 months

Text

Corpse Maren: Undying Love (Chapter 4)

(Meanwhile with Aria)

The sky had just gotten dark with the stars and full moon glowing brightly. This filled Aria with dread as that would mean that, in the morning, she would be married off to her new fiancè that she already received bad vibes from. And his sister wasn't any better. No matter how much she tried to see them in a positive view, that feeling in her gut wouldn't go away.

She really did not want to marry him. But she couldn't find it in her heart to tell her parents the truth.

Which was why she found herself getting ready to do the unthinkable; running away from home and finding a safe place for her to hide until her "fiancé" and his sister decide to call off the wedding.

"Forgive me, Mother and Father," Aria muttered to herself. "But I can't see myself marrying that man. I only hope that he doesn't do anything terrible to you two…" She already knew how worried sick and upset her parents would get if they found out about her plan.

With one last sigh, Aria left her apartment and started to be on her way. Fortunately, nobody was outside at that time. So she didn't have to worry about anyone spotting her.

"How do I tell them the truth?" Aria muttered while still walking. "I love them and I know that they love me. They were promised such excellent things by Caspar… If I told them… I can imagine how heartbroken they'd be… Ugh, why does this have to happen to me?"

She stopped when she looked up and blinked in shock. She found herself no longer in Timeville, but rather in…a forest. Since it was night, it made the forest rather eerie.

"Maybe running away from home was a bad idea…" Aria said, looking around to see if she could either find a way back or another way out. But she also had to look out for any wild animals that could be lurking.

Her arm brushed against a branch—or what she thought was a branch— that suddenly grabbed her in a firm yet gentle grasp.

Aria gasped as she tried to free herself. But to her surprise and horror, something—or someone— emerged from the grass, causing Aria to stumble to the ground. It was a strange humanoid being.

The being's striped jester hat was French blue and sapphire blue. Judging from his masculine body figure, Aria could tell that it was a "he". His skin was a lifeless baby blue. He wore a black and white worn-out tuxedo and a gold wedding band on his left ring finger.

But that wasn't what horrified Aria.

The being's face was missing large bits of his skin, revealing parts of his skull. Some parts of his jester hat were also missing, revealing the bone of his horns. His right hand, however, had bruised fingertips and the nails were missing. Like someone had painfully yanked them out.

Aria didn't dare speak a word. She was too frightened to even move. The being opened his eyes and looked down at Aria. His eyes were lifeless, but still had sparkle in them. His black lips curled up in a smile as he wrapped his cold arms around Aria's shoulders and spoke the very words that would change Aria's life.

"After waiting for so long, I have finally found you; my true love. Now, I may kiss the bride."

(Meanwhile with Jett, NiGHTS, Balan, and Lance)

"We got your letter, Jett," NiGHTS said after coming across his figure. "I hope Balan, Lance, and I weren't late."

"It's fine," Jett said. "But since you three are here, I might as well tell ya what I know. See, after I'd finished helping out with the ceremony and all, I was making my way home when I noticed a brother and sister talking to each other. So I've eavesdropped on them. Their names were Caspar and Sia."

NiGHTS's eyes widened at this. "Sia…" They repeated. "My sibling, Reala? His former lover was named Sia. And she, too, had a brother named Caspar…"

"That doesn't sound like a coincidence, doesn't it?" Balan asked. "Jett, do tell us what you've heard; every last bit."

"Caspar and Sia were talking about…Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery's money." Jett crossed his arms and frowned. "At first, I was confused. But then, Caspar mentioned about using the money for something involving their business…"

"That cannot be good," Lance said, frowning. "Are you theorizing that Caspar and Sia would steal that money if they could?"

"Most likely," Jett replied. "But what caught my interest, so to speak, was Sia mentioning Wizeman…"

"How would this Sia know my father?" NiGHTS asked. "She couldn't possibly be the same Sia that dated Reala, could she?" They pondered in silence for a bit.

"Fortunately for you all, I've come up with a plan to help Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery hide their money," Jett said. "As well as create a psychological test on them to see if my suspicions are confirmed. But I obviously cannot do this alone. I will need your help. Not to mention, I have the help from a dear friend of mine named Leona."

NiGHTS, Balan, and Lance looked at each other. Would this plan really work? They couldn't just tell Aria's parents that Caspar and Sia wanted their money. Plus, if the plan worked out successfully, Jett's suspicions would be easily confirmed.

"We'll do your plan, Jett," NiGHTS said. "But we have to pay my father, Wizeman, a visit. We need to ask what he knew about my sibling's disappearance."

Aria, her parents, Caspar, and Sia belong to me.

Jett belongs to @jettthespeeddemon

#balan wonderworld #ocs #fanfic #balan #lance #reala #nights sega

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l-pandamatic-l · 11 months

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Young Sheldon OC introduction. ( Don't judge me. I have Asperger's and relate highly to Sheldon's character )

It was a typical Sunday morning. I was woken up by the complaints of my little brother as momma shook him awake, leaving me to drag myself sluggishly out of my own bed.

I pulled on my usual Sunday dress, a light purple with little lace ruffles around the bell-shaped sleeves. Then, my Mary Janes and my typical piggy-tails were next. My favourite bows dawned the top of each one.

My family, after clambering into the crowded minivan, scrambled into the church, momma finding her friends to gossip as they stood outside, my dad finding a pew near Mr. Vince and his buddies. My brother was dropped off at the kids section and I was left alone, next to the Coopers. Again. They had been the talk of the town lately. Georgie apparently knocked up some older girl. It was insane the things people 'round here said about the Coopers because of it. I kinda felt bad.

I turn to see Sheldon. He lived a few houses down from me. I hang around his grandma's video store pretty often. Especially since Missy comes around sometimes. She's in my class with me at school and we hang out a lot. She constantly complains that I'm too much like her brother. Mainly because I watch the shows he does too. Things like Star-Trek, or StarWars. Yoda is my favourite character. Either him or Han Solo, I always liked the rebellious ones.

Missy says 'hi' but she's alot more quiet than usual. Really skittish, too. Must be the rumours that've been flying around. I smile and say 'hi', giving her a hug before I hear my momma gasp, pulling me out of the seat and away from the Coopers. I roll my eyes and follow her, unfortunately sitting across from my friends.

-------------------------

Sheldon's outburst surprised the church, and everyone inside it was silent for the rest of the sermon. I went home, his words curling around my head, momma's too. Everything he said made so much sense. Why did we preach about loving everyone no matter the circumstances but treat the Coopers this way?

I glanced at Momma and frowned. She was such a hypocrite. I spent the rest of that day locked up in my room, reading through my bible. It didn't make any sense to me anymore. I couldn't figure out specifically why, though. Like everything I'd known was suddenly just some story in some old book.

I had to get help. I knew just where to go, too.

-------------------------

I knocked on the Coopers' door. Mrs. Cooper opened it with her usual smile, eyes slightly red, either from anger or crying. I didn't want to find out.

"Is... Is Sheldon here?" I asked, cheeks pink. It must've been awkward,. showing up like this after all that happened yesterday.

"Shelly," Mrs. Cooper called through the house, "That nice girl from down the street's here to see you!"

She welcomed me inside and I was met with a begrudging Sheldon walking down the hall, a look of surprise on his face when he saw me.

"Oh, hello, Maggie." He said, monotone voice ringing through the empty living room.

"Hey, Sheldon. I uh... I need some help." I say, pulling out my bible, "With this. I thought about what you said on Sunday. And I think you have a point. I'm confused. And I need your... sciencey things explained to help."

His face lit up and suddenly I was whisked away to his room, filled with trains and Professor Proton posters, missing the way his mother leaned over to her husband and said,

"Oh George, he's got a friend. Maybe there still are some good people at church."

#youngsheldon #OC #YoungSheldonOC #80sOC #wtf are tags #I dunno how to tag this #Sheldon Cooper #Missy Cooper #Georgie Cooper

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honeybeeznutz · 2 years

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A Glimpse of Us

Hiya! So, this is my first Stranger Things fanfic, and my first overall fanfic I’ve written since I was like 12, so try not to judge too hard!

Summary: After the ending of season 4 the reader mourns the death of Eddie. Steve becomes their comfort, but inner conflict insues.

Steve Harrington X Reader, Eddie Munson X Reader

Warnings: slight language, angst, spoilers, self depreciation, slight use of y/n

Word count: 1197

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She'd take the world off my shoulders

If it was ever hard to move

She'd turn the rain to a rainbow

When I was living in the blue

Steve became my rock after that day in the upside down. He held me when Dustin told us what happened. He took my broken heart, and collected the pieces, tried to make it whole. I know he would sacrifice everything, even go back to the upside down, if only to make me smile. At night he holds me close as we watch whatever the new movie at Family Video that week was. I am happy again. That’s what I’ve been telling everyone at least.

Why then, if she is so perfect

Do I still wish that it was you?

Perfect don't mean that it's working

So what can I do? (Ooh)

I’ve tried to move on. Nancy says it’ll happen with time, I just need to let time heal my wounds and it’ll all be okay. It’s been two months afterall, they all seem to expect I’m better. She says you would want me to move on, be happy. I don’t want them to worry, so I let them think I’m happy. I’m not though….

It’s not that Steve isn’t wonderful! He loves me more than anything, reminds me every chance he gets. That’s the problem. I don’t deserve it. When I tell him I love him back, I feel myself crack a little more. One of these days, I’m gonna shatter, and then what? I do love him, but I love you more.

When you're out of sight

In my mind

Because no matter what, my thoughts always return to you.

'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes

And that's where I find a glimpse of us

And I try to fall for her touch

But I'm thinking of the way it was

The way he holds me, reminds me of when things were good. When we would lay in your bed, whatever new Metallica or Maiden record playing in the background. In his hazel eyes, all I can see are your deep brown ones.How they’d stare deeply into mine after a late night makeout session in your van after Hellfire. When he plays Journey, I think of when you held me late that night while you sang Faithfully as I drifted off to sleep. It wasn’t really your taste, but you learned it for me because you knew I did.

I know you probably think I’m the worst thing to ever walk this earth. I mean, nomatter how I look at it, I’m betraying someone. Whether that be Steve for not being fully there for him because I can’t get over you, or you because I’m with Steve.

Said I'm fine and said I moved on

I'm only here passing time in her arms

Hoping I'll find

A glimpse of us

They don’t seem to worry as much anymore. At first it was hard to pretend, but now it’s become second nature. Now when Robin asks if I’m okay, she doesn’t even second guess. They think I’m doing better. Dustin knows I’m a liar though, but then again he’s probably the only one who really understands. He probably hates me for it, you meant more to him than anyone will truly ever know.

I’ve tried to be there for him, and it’s helped, but he reminds me so much of you. Even if he does understand, I still can’t be honest with him. How would I even put into words what I do when I’m finally alone at night? How I lay on my bed in one of your shirts,burried inot my pillowsinto my pillows while streams erupt from my eyes. I’ve learned how to me silent as I cry, then noone even thinks to check on me. It’s better this way.

If I had only made you let me come with you and Dustin, maybe you’d still be here. I could have told you to follow you own advice “There is no shame in running” you had said. You promised you wouldn’t do anything rash, thst you’d get out as soon as anything started to go south. If only I had been there I could have made you come back up. I could have helped Dustin bring you back up, I could have helped save you. I could have done it instead. Then Dustin would still have you. Your Uncle Wayne would still have his son. Everyone would be happy. Instead I’m here and you’re gone. Instead of your light brightening up the room, telling the jerks to fuck off, I’m here betraying everything I know. Everyone, I love.

They say you were a killer, a cult leader who made a pact with the devil. They say you were nothing but a heathen, that the town is better off without you. That’s is one of the biggest loads of bullshit I have ever heard. Only second to the idea you sacrificed yourself for Hawkins. You didn’t sacrifice yourself for these fuckers, you sacrificed yourself for us. For Dustin, Steve, Max, Wayne, your true family.

Steve is here to pick me up now, my car got wrecked after Vecna’s reign of terror, and the cops wouldn’t let me or Wayne have your van, so he’s let me ride with him. I know this isn’t where you really are. You’re somewhere deep into the upside down, there is no body in this grave. But it gives your uncle and I somewhere to mourn. We still have to clean it up, because of the shitheads, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not there for them.

I hope your uncle can keep it taken care of while I’m gone, I made it into (desired college)! Maybe I’ll be able to make you proud, make up for my double edged sword of betrayal. I’ll be sure to keep up with the guys, they arrested Corroded Coffin. They say they were in on the supposed murders and cult activity. I still try to talk to them when I can though. I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish I could take you with me, as more than just a memory.Just how we planned. We’d get out of this shithole, you and the guys would make it to the Garden, and I’d go to school.

I pray everynight that I will wake up in the morning and it will all be just be a dream, and you’ll be there next to me. Your wild mess of hair flattened onto your pillow, your arm swung over me as I curl deeper into your chest. I’d look at the clock and realise we were late again, but youd just put a cigarette in your mouth and stare at me through those eyelashes as you lit up. I never knew I’d miss the smell of weed, smoke and cheap cologne so much. I’d give anything for that now. But I guess I’ve got to hold onto what I have left of you. Even if it is, just a Glimpse Of Us.

Goodbye for now Eddie,

Love (y/n)

#eddie munson #eddie x reader #Eddie Munson x reader #Steve harrington x reader #Steve harrington #Nancy wheeler #angst #eddiemunsonangst #stranger things #eddiedesrved better #munson #vecna #steve and dustin #eddie and dustin #dustin #dustin henderson

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uenodivision · 2 years

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Interview Intro: "So, I just gotta answer some questions, right? ...Fine, whatever. Let's get this over with."

Blind Spot: "I've been told that I have a bad habit of trying to solve everything by myself. I hate asking for or receiving help. It makes me feel indebted to the person. Plus, it makes me feel weak."

Greatest Strength: "I care deeply for my friends and those in my circle. No matter who or what it is, I'll fight to the death to help or protect them."

Sin: "Wrath, most definitely. I've always followed a pattern of 'hit first, ask questions later'. It's gotten me in more trouble than I care to admit, and I still do it."

Virtue: "Shisuta taught me about these. I didn't even know they were a thing before then. …I guess 'Diligence'. I've never been one to stand still or sit around waiting for things to happen. When it needs to get done, I get it done."

Worst Memory: "I hate recalling the memory of the faces of the people who passed me by when I was at my lowest. Just remembering their faces... judging me, as if I deserved everything I got. I hated it!"

Best Memory: "When my girls and I were together, laughing and having a good time. We all had our share of troubles, but when we were together, none of that shit mattered. It was just us against the world. We knew it wouldn't last forever, but we enjoyed it while it lasted."

Worst Regret: "I try not to dwell on regrets, but... I regret ever letting my emotions get the better of me when I was facing off against that Katen Family thug. If I had controlled myself, maybe my friends and I wouldn't have ended up with her faces on the pavement, embarrassed and hurt."

Most Precious Treasure: "My freedom. The freedom to live how I want, be who I want, and go where I want. As long as I have that, I'm content."

Trauma Image: An adult woman is sitting at a table. Her eyes are red, obviously from crying. She sobs once more, yet there is no one to comfort her. On the second story of the house, a pink-haired woman is sitting on her bed in her room, her knees to her chest and her head down, as she tries in vain to ignore the woman downstairs. She looks up, and a look of forlornness and anger are on her face as she just cannot understand. Tears are in her eyes, but it's more out of frustration than sadness; frustration that she cannot understand why she is still living like this.

Aspirations for D.R.B.: "My aspirations? I don't have any aspirations for this tournament. I just want to protect my friends and my hometown from the fuckin' government!"

Thoughts on Competition: "Like I said, I could care less about this fuckin' tournament. It's just the government's way of being petty so they can exercise their fuckin' dominance over everyone. Of course, my team and I are still going to do our best to win. We've spent a lot of time practicing and writing songs that show off Ueno's spirit. But personally, I don't care about winning this tournament. But I'll be damned if another division is gonna try to run roughshod on my city! Fuck that shit!"

Team You Want to Face: "Hmm... truthfully, I'm looking forward to facing the teams from both Saitama and Shinagawa. I've rapped with both teams before and heard them rap, so I'm really looking forward to it."

Who Would You Team With If You Weren't Part of Your Team: "Hmm... well Sumire from Shinagawa is an obvious choice. I've known her for a while now, and I can proudly say she and I mash well. As for the other teammate... probably Lana from Kyoto. She's been in a rap team before, so she brings a lot of experience to the table."

Who Wouldn't You Team With: "Peh, that's easy: that obnoxious, rich prick from Aoyama! I cannot fuckin' stand him! …And no one from Chuohku either! That's a given."

What does music, particularly hip-hop, mean to you: "Hmm... good question. ...I guess music helps to convey what I want to say in words that I can't. I think that's the same for everyone. We have things we want to say out loud, but we can't find the right ways or words to say them. So instead, we put those words on paper in song, and the words come out like magic, if that makes sense."

What's your latest obsession: *Smirks* "Trying to get my best friend to stop being a chickenshit, and jump her boyfriend's bones already!" *Laughs out loud* "Sorry, couldn't resist! ...But truthfully, I've gotten into playing guitar recently. My "aunt" recommended I take up a hobby, so this is my way of placating her. Don't ask."

What were you like as a child, or what was your dream as a child: "Hmm... I don't know. I don't really remember much from my childhood days. I'd like to say I was the same as I am now, but that'd be a lie. As for my dream, believe it or not, I really wanted to become a race car driver. ...At least until I found bikes to be a lot cooler, and changed my profession!"

Lastly, any final remarks or comments to your fans: "Not really. Just keep supporting Sakurai Clan and Ueno Division. Cause trust me when I say this, we are going far, baby! And I mean, very far!"

#hypmic #hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #hypnosis microphone #hypnosis mic #aranai norikoru #sakurai clan #ueno division #interview

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lured-into-wonderland · 2 years

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#Muse answer to Basic Q&A ✨

Credits go to @mukami-kuron-mrsadisticcat

And also thank you for tagging me! I had enormous fun doing it!

Not #TW but still a Warning:

This interview does not contain typical answers to the questions posed. It rather demonstrates a stream of consciousness (or rather unconsciousness). Easy questions. No answers. You've been warned but you're still invited to enter.

(That is Lizzy's writing in an odd mood; Sorry Nunnally!)

What’s your name? Is there a meaning behind it?

Nunnally Sakamaki. Or just Nunnally. There are people who believe I have no right to call myself Sakamaki.

There is not special meaning behind it. But it has a special meaning for me as my Father had chosen it for me when I was old enough to remember. Before I had no name.

Any preferred Alias or nickname that you'll like to be called as?

No, Nunnally works just fine. But it makes me feel nice when others make some special versions of my name. But otherwise, I truly enjoy Nunnally.

What kind of person do you think you are?

Loyal and devoted…but also lonely and abandoned. Intelligent but inexperienced. Emotional yet lacking emotions. But am I really a person? Or perhaps just a thing for my Father to play with? Or for others to torment? For life to make false promises. I don’t know who I am. I do not know what I am. So, how can I know ‘what kind’ I am?

But then again even if I knew, there would no one Nunnally. There is Nunnally as Nunnally sees her. Another one in her Father’s eyes. There is a different Nunnally for Ruki, a different one for Reiji, and yet another one for Lord Richter. A different Nunnally for every person she knew, and for every person that known her. There are Nunnalies from the past, Nunnalies that exist in the present, and those that are yet to come. And these that will never come to be.

So, what am I? Or who am I? Or how many am I?

When is your birthday? How do you celebrate it?

I don’t know and I do not celebrate it. I used to inquire about it, but not anymore. July 13th was put in my school paperwork but that is not my real birthday. Perhaps I was never born. At least not in a biological sense.

What's your age?

I don’t know. But age is meaningless if you’re me. Or more general if you’re a demon.

What's your gender?

I am a girl. A silly pathetic little girl. Is this the answer you were looking for? But I am also a little girl that escaped. That is strong. And will survive no matter what. And will achieve whatever she plans for. A little girl that can challenge the destiny. Her destiny. World’s destiny. Is that better? Which answer do you prefer?

How tall are you? Are you satisfied with your height?

160 centimetres. Why to be satisfied or dissatisfied with something as meaningless as height? Why won’t you ask if I am satisfied with my intelligence? With my knowledge? With my power? With my ability? With my life? Why – out of everything – the height? Where does the obsession with look come from? Is it to make women less worthy than men? To make them restrained with obligations and duties towards how they look to please the man? To make them things to assess and compare?

I don’t care about my height. If someone judges me through my height, then they’re no worth a second of my precious time.

Where did you come from?

From nowhere and from everywhere. From endless, eternal limbo. Like everybody. And like everyone I am heading towards another one. And then another one in the never-ending cycle of life and death. Eternity. Unless I break the wheel? Do YOU want to try to break the wheel with me?

But, most more precisely from Makai, from the Eden Castle.

What charm do you suppose that you possess?

None. I am not charming. I do not want to be charming. That’s again a foolish restriction to make you behave as others please.

Ask me what I can do to challenge my destiny. Not if others think I am cute. Or charming. Why should I care about the opinion of other? Buy what is charm? What is cuteness? It’s nothing. Empty words with no meaning. Leading to false oasis of meaningless praises. Of those who knows nothing. Of those who wants nothing. Of those who achieves nothing. Of those who are designated to fail. Of fools and savages with no access to light.

He does not care if I am charming as long, I am what I am supposed to be. And I am not supposed to possess charm.

Do a voice impression, will you?

No. My voice is my silence. My voice is my science. My voice is what I write. Or wrote. Or will write. My voice is what I leave behind when I perish.

Name one of your favourite activities, can you?

Playing chess. With demons. My demons. With Him. With them. With every and each of them. One after another. Checkmate. I win. You lose. I lose. You win. Blacks and whites. Whites and blacks. Will you play with me?

Will you dare to lose against me?

How do you greet someone in the morning?

And who’s that someone?

What's the last thing you say to someone before going to bed?

Although that is the repetition, who’s that someone?

Favourite possession (item)?

Purple bunny. You do not have to know why. I do not feel to share with you why.

Why not talk about your hairstyle a little?

No. Because it is insignificant. Why to waste my time to talk about insignificant things.

Any unique characteristics on you?

I have been chosen by Him to be His. I can challenge and conquer the destiny. Laughing. Apart from that? No, nothing. Nothing unique.

Do you have a special nickname to call someone as?

No, why should I?

What's your favourite colour and why?

Purple…and red…and orange… I do not know why. They just are.

What do you enjoy doing?

Science. Experimenting. On myself and others. Probably more on others. To achieve the ultimate goal. To please my Father. Playing chess. To win. Or to lose. After all it is about playing. Playing as long as you finally win.

What's your special skill?

Intelligence. As simple as that. The power to survive. Not matter what. The power to give life. Even if unwanted. I am a weapon, I am a shield. I am an insurance, I am a new beginning. Or an end. Depending how you want to see me. I am nothing and everything. The power to destroy and the power to create. What special skill of me would you like to touch? Life or death?

Demonstrate a short love confession! I dare you.

No. I love only one person and He already knows that. There is no need for empty words which means nothing. No need for lies. Or do you want lies? Do you want me saying ‘I love you’? Fine, whom should I love? Whom should I confess to?

No? No answer after all?

So, no love confession from me.

Your favourite food, and why?

It’s not important what you eat, but who you are sharing it with. Would that do for an answer?

Your favourite drink, and why?

Do I need to repeat myself? It’s not important what you drink, but who you are drinking it with.

Or would you prefer if I say poison? Or blood?

Any favourite book?

‘Master and Margarita’ by Bulgakov. I am Margarita, I have my Master and I will end up with Him for eternity. Even if that means destroying the world.

Any favourite genre of movie? Hmm, why?

I don’t watch movies.

Favourite game? (If none can skip)

Chess. And science. Or science and chess.

Favourite music? Why?

Classical. The only one worth listening to. It’s an art. It’s a science within art. You will not find that harmony in any other kind of…music…if you wish to call those poor imitations music.

What's your weakness?

Loyalty and devotions. And intelligence. My strengths are my weaknesses, and my weaknesses are my strengths.

Anyone that you respect?

Karlheinz-sama.

Do you have a wish?

More than you can imagine. But I have already disclosed the biggest one. To be Margarita for my Master.

Anything to say to those that are watching your interview?

Why would you be watching it? You now know less about me than you did before, don’t you?

#ask game #interview with Nunnally #Nunnally #Nunnally Sakamaki #Lizzy #nonsense #TW #just in case

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danebreaker · 2 days

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WHY I LIKE HOMOSEXUAL GUYS AS A GIRL

I had this thing where I'm very picky when it comes to guys. But no matter how picky I am.

I always ended up choosing the gays

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

The first time I saw this guy was on a school post about school elections. My friends shared the post to me as a way to tease me cuz my ex was on it. But that dude is irrelevant so skipping from that i scrolled over to find this guy crossing his arms looking stiffer than a gargoyle.

He was tall and lanky but he was dripping with looks. And as always, girls, gays and any person around gushed about him. I didn't really care about the guy cuz he's just another random dude running for the position of Vice Governor.

Timeskip with me trying to work things with my ex and I ended up literally running away from him somewhere along lines. I met him weeks before intramurals. I was busy preparing because I got in the debate team and Miss Intramurals.

I ended up having to talk to him for school purposes. And when I was met with him. I crumbled like my test papers after getting an F for a score. Sure the guy didn't looked ripped like John Cena, or as manly as Andrew Tate wishes to be but oh he is attractive.

He talked with a soft but firm voice and his eyes was bright-not big, but bright and doe like. Judging from his demeanor and body language, I quickly figured out the guy was a friendly introvert. He won me over with his little shy smile and his voice.

I didn't exactly went crazy over him but I acted crazy when I'm with my friends cuz school was getting boring as heck without a crush and I needed something to cheer me into going in. We would pass by each other quite often in the hallways because of our busy schedule that involves us running around places.

And during those run-ins, we would hold eye contacts for God knows how many times and would always catch eyes even though the latter is on the other side of the room. I would be the first one to break the eye contact since ya gurl is gets nervous. At least that's what I think transpired. Honestly, I am delusional as heck so just indulge me.

Since I'm self-aware, I had to do a reality check and see if I was tripping about our glances or not. So one time at the canteen, I has a plan to purposely try to hold up the eye contact for longer and wait if he pulls away to see if he was actually looking at me too.

And after failing successfully, we hold eye contact for longer than usual. But I failed at not being the first one to pull away. I gushed and jump internally because I finally confirmed that HE IS in fact also looking at ME.

To back up my claim and make me look less insane, My friend was with me and he also noticed. He initially thought my crush was looking at him but then he figured out my crush was looking at ME. Of course, being a good friend, he fueled my delusions and I had him repeating the interaction over and over again until it seeped into my brain that he was in fact staring back at me.

I rode along with those supposed interactions and the Intramurals went by with me winning 1st runner up for the debate team and crowned as Miss Intramurals. Along those snippets of memories, we had an actual interaction backstage. I was obviously one of the contestant for the pageant and he was getting ready for the event since he is the Vice Governor.

"Do you have lip balm?" He innocently asked me with his cute self adorned in a black and white gradient barong (a traditional Filipino clothing). "Pay first" I joked referring to me being an Accountancy Business and Management student. He just smiled and we both went on. Looking back at it now, I wanted to kill myself. Pay first???!?!?!?!? what the actual fuck

I cringed so hard after i said that and i still do in the present. That was the lamest I had ever been since I was assigned as a loser weirdo in society. Really!!?!?!?!? Out of all the things i could've said i said something to lame and so ugh!!

Anyways that interaction made me weak in the knees and I ended up winning the pageant after seeing him supporting me even though he is a STEM student and I am an ABM student. Ya gurl bagged the crown home and weeks went by with me killing myself mid exams with vape stressing out over my grades.

The thing that bothered me the most was when I tarnished myself in front of him. I had done stupid things and I'm basically the walking proof of embarrassment but Oh My God this time i actually embarrassed myself. Shouting his name at school grounds at 6PM thinking everybody went home. My friends were riling me up about my crush with him and of course I went along.

But what we didn't know was that my crush was downstairs and could hear everything. My friends shouted his surname at the top of their lungs and i had to make a quick excuse of "Oh you're not the one they meant, they meant a different guy" (his surname was common so i was able to say that) BUT HE DEFINITELY FOUND ME WEIRD AND I WAS ENGRAVED AS THE "WEIRD ASS PYSCHO BITCH WHO SCREAMS PEOPLE'S NAME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT ON A RANDOM TUESDAY GIRL" IN HIS HEAD.

Weeks went on boringly until my friend came up to me and asked if I wanted to run for the elections. Of course I said yes cuz I'd be good for my school resume and I'd actually like to challenge myself with new goals and responsibility for character development.

And lo and behold, the party belongs to non other than him-my crush. He was running for Governor for the new school year and he was leading and forming his partylist. I ran for the ABM Mayor position and disappointingly, my ex and his new girl (beautiful btw, she looks like young Suzuka Ohgo). However, this made things awkward in general. I wasn't awkward with his Gf since she's also an ABM student and was part of the people i'll lead someday if i ever win so it was fine. But my ex? yeah we ended in bad terms for a reason.

Anyways, we were scheduled for a photoshoot and the photographer (my friend) chose me as the test subject to get the lighting good. He sneaked in good pics of me and my crush was along side me directing. like a true loser, I made jokes and this time though I successfully made him clench his stomach out of laughter.

His eyes crinkled and he listened attentively to me when i voiced out my ideas. He was still shy though but he was able to laugh a little louder which was music to my ears. Another schedule for the election went on and this time we had to film something promotional.

They were out at the center doing god knows what for the shoot while I stay behind chatting and meeting new people thinking everything was done and ready for the Mayors. Until I looked back to see them all sitting and discussing.

This made me think what the fuck was taking so long and what the fuck were they doing wasting everyone's time. They were like that for the past hour instead of filming so I decided to check. And when I went to stand up and take my torch which was required for the shooting, they also stood up and started readying for the shooting.

I went to all the guys( i was the only girl) and he was the first one to shoot since he's running for Governor. Their ideas were ok. Scratch that their ideas for boring and a little awkward. So i voiced out my opinions and changed some parts. Thankfully they all listened and actually considered my opinions and the shoot went well.

Once again, this guy was listening to me attentively and carefully. Looking at me straight at the face having no business with staring at me while I was having a hard time being professional cuz he was in front of me giving his full attention along with his sparkling doe eyes and cute tiny nods.

The shoot went by with me befriending everyone and scaring them all off with ghost stories about our schools. We all goofed around and I was able to be myself and being loud and cracking jokes since I already embarrassed myself in front of him, what difference would it make now?

When we went home at 8PM we tried venturing out into the supposedly haunted nursing floor before fleeing like pathetic idiots. Our second shooting went on and this time, we filmed outside and once again I was making jokes and stuff. We almost lit the city on fire cuz the idiots were lighting up a peace of cloth after losing our torch as a substitute.

This time, he was comfortable with cracking jokes with me and started conversations. He was comfortable standing close to me and I started to realize he saw me as someone he can be friends with. Even though our arms touched when he was holding the torch, all I could think about was how I should move on.

Amidst all that clarity, I vented out on a couple friends and they finally told me something i was too stupid to notice.

HE IS GAY

Yeah he is gay. Why i didn't noticed? Maybe cuz he's too masculine for me to see him as gay. Until I checked his IG account and found pictures of him all gay from head to toe.

How was I supposed to know?! Sure he dresses good and only hangs around gays and girls and was "mahinhin" or poised and soft but how was I supposed to know!? Sure he acts sassy and feminine but lots of guys are feminine nowadays?!

Ok who am I kidding, the dude's gay asfuck. He shares post about gay pride and BLs. He talks soft and feminine with a squeak in his voice and he walks while slightly bouncing and he stands with his hips bent like girls and does makeup with girls and hangs only around them or with gays. The guy's more feminine than me and i wasn't able to get the hint.

I then and there realized that I am not just weird and a loser, I am also a stupid idiot equipped with a broken gaydar.

Him being gay didn't surprised me tho, I always had this thing with liking gays for some time now. Always liking how "calmer" they are with guys at school. Always liking how they dress better and smell good. And how open, relatable and friendly he is with girls than straight guys. And how soft and cute he looked.

Basically, I've always liked the cute twinks but is too much of an idiot to notice the clear signs of homosexuality.

Bottom line, I always like gay guys. And I realized it's because I relate to them more. I've always had trouble making friends with guys and interacting with them after my ex basically traumatized. Finding myself only around girls and gays and being comfy with only a selected number of guys.

I've always liked gay guys because I loved how they made me feel understood, heard and just me. They encouraged me and supported me and had the same interest with me like makeup, dresses and some shows and films etc. I was able to relate to them more and made it easier for me to form bonds with them which is probably I always ended up liking gay guys.

So here I am- letting my emotions out for old time's sake so I can move on in peace.

Bye guyss

#pride #gay pride #rant #random #lgbt

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