#yes these are mens and womens
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gendered toilet markers: hard mode
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you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
#writeblr#this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol#by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations#and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me#& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what????#like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it#''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother#and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!''#yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious#anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it#it's seen as the only important thing#even if ur gay#and it's a nuanced thing idk#and while rn i i.d. as lesbian#like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like .#sexuality is fluid...#don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label#they're like GET in the BOX#if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me.#(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)
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One of the most generally useful things to come out of Hbomberguy's plagiarism video and Todd in the Shadows' similar video on misinformation is how they bring transparency to the internet phenomenon of "I made up a guy to get mad at".
Seriously, I've seen people make up a lot of stupid shit on the internet over the years and it's often just a manipulative attempt to paint a group of marginalized people in a bad light.
That's the TL;DR version of this post.
ANYWAY here is the long version
Those videos are mostly about James Somerton's plagiarism of other queer people's work. However I'd like to talk about that 20-30% of Somerton's original writing- and oh boy. It's mostly about complaining about White Straight Women and misgendering well-known trans creators such as Rebecca Sugar and calling Becky Albertalli a straight woman while it's pretty common knowledge that she was forced to out herself as bi because she received so much harassment over "being a cishet woman who appropriates LGBT+ stories".
One thing that irks me especially is how in his Killing Stalking and Gay Shipping videos Somerton brings up how straight women/ teen girl shippers exploit gay men for their personal sexual fantasies. This gets brought up several times in his videos.
Being all up and arms about Somerton being a "White Cis Gay Who Hates Women and Queer People tm" is not that useful because the kind of rhetoric he's using is extremely common in fandom and LGBT+ spaces on Tumblr, TikTok and Twitter. We really don't need to bring Somerton's identity to this since he is in no way an unique example.
It's hypocritical to make this about an individual person when I've seen A TON of posts, tweets and videos where queer people talk about these Sinister Straight Women who are supposedly out there fetishizing and exploiting queer men. It's pretty clear to me that this is just an excuse to shit on women and queer people for having any sexual interests. At worst these comments are spreading misinformation about BL, a form of media that has been excessively studied by both Asian feminists and Asian queer women.
This all sounds really familiar and I think it's good that people are calling it out as what it is: misogyny and transphobia. I'd also point out the potentially racist motives behind being this hypervigilant about Asian media.
People can absolutely be misogynist regardless of gender or orientation. I really don't know why we need to create some kind of made up enemy to get mad at. I actually think it's almost sinister how "anti-fujoshi" people call Slash shippers and fujoshi misogynists or claim that they have internalised misogyny while being dismissive about women's interests and creative pursuits under Japanese obscenity laws, China's censorship, book bans in American schools and various other disadvances that are part of being a queer and/or female creator.
I think we shouldn't be naive about the bad faith actors who want to turn queer people against each other. For example Fujoshi.info mentions anti-gender (TERF, GC etc) movement using this kind of rhetoric as well.
Anyway if you want to read more:
- about the false info around BL fandom fujoshi.info
-There is the scholar Thomas Baudinette who studies gay media in Japan. Here is a podcast with him and the scholar Khursten Santos
-James Welker is a BL scholar as well. Here is a podcast interview about the new international BL article collection he edited.
-I've already talked about this Youtube channel by KrisPNatz and his great Killing Stalking video that actually engages with the themes of the manhwa
- There is also HR Coleman's thesis DO NOT FEED THE FETISHIZERS: BOYS LOVE FANS RESISTANCE AND CHALLENGE OF PERCEIVED REPUTATION where she interviews 36 BL fans and actually breaks down why fetishization has become such a huge talking point in the fandom discourse. Spoilers, it's mostly about young queer people and women being worried that they will get judged and pathologized for their interest in anything sexual.
-Great podcast about Danmei and censorship with Liang Ge
#Also I don't mean that you can always tell if someone is a transphobe or a TERF based on a couple of things they have said.#My point is that sometimes ok people can have very regressive ideas too.#This is not a call out post about how we should go around accusing anti-fujoshi people#todd in the shadows#hbomberguy#sarasade text#even I've got those “Fandom is mostly straight women fetishizing gay men” comments once and it begins to sound kind of passive-aggressive#when you're a bi woman. Lot of fandom stats at AO3 show that fandoms are montly bi women. who are these people calling straight exactly hmm#also straight women are completely ok leave them alone. I know I know Yes I'm so brave for saying this#cw: transphobia
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it’s wild how some people will be so ready to criticize cis gay men for saying misogynistic things about vaginas…until the topic of gay trans men comes up, and suddenly they switch to thinking it’s totally fine and natural and good for cis gay men to think vaginas are the ugliest grossest most repulsive things in the world. make up your mind, is it bad for them to think pussies are the boogeyman or not? (hint: it is bad, you’re just so caught up in your hatred of gay trans men that you can’t see the misogyny you’re excusing.)
#its literally the same shit but people will act like its Totally Different when its done against gay trans men and not women#yes i did make the mistake of going down a te/hm rabbithole leave me alone#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia#trans men#transmascs
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Results from the ‘Who is the tallest MDZS Character poll! Thank you all for voting!
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#nie mingjue#lan wunian#lan xichen#lan wangij#poll#Thank you all for showing up with your whimsy! I saw so many funny tags and messages! What a blast it has been!!!#Nie Mingjue was the distractor answer - word of god *does* say he's the tallest but...he *was* dismembered and beheaded.#It's still a grey area though! This was all for fun after all B*)#Jin Ling uses his hair as a little lasso. Good for night hunting and asserting dominance!#Not the tallest due to his hair gel getting stuck on his hands and reducing the height of his throw during the judging.#And yes- Poorly Drawn Jin Ling is ~4cm tall. Grab you rulers out an visualize that <3 My Friday Treat for you all.#Real feminism is the fact that all the men who won did so by technically cheating and the woman (horse) did it the honest way.#Real feminism is being a horse. Everyone better start getting on that. New Year's resolution. Horse time.#My apologies to the Jin Zixuan likers (lowest votes): He's a bit of a fail wife but that's okay.#I like to imagine that It's the ghost of JYL committing voter fraud to give him pity votes.#(It is still voter fraud if a ghost votes right? Has anyone looked into the legality of ghost voting?)#Much to think about....Hey speaking of the ghosts of women: See you all tomorrow for the new poll!
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Scientists ought to study the chemical link between Butches and trans men* and transmasc* people. Like, they say that the triple bond is one of the hardest to break, but I don't think they've looked at the bond between a trans guy and a Butch
#trans#transgender#queer#butch#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#every time a butch gives gym advice or how to behave like a gentleman i shut up sit down and get out my pen and paper#like butches may not all be men but they know what i want and frankly i will kill and die for butches#very unfortunate that the 'u' key is RIGHT NEXT TO the 'i' key because i really do not want to say 'bitches' on accident :/#something i love about the trans scene is the way the venn diagram between butchness and transness overlap often#thank you to all the gym butches in sports bras who are WAY more jacked than me for giving me their wisdom 💛💛💛#yes obv this INCLUDES trans butches who aren't transmasc* or trans men*#the THINGS that butch trans women have shared? innumerable. they rival the grains of sand on earth
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Deeply concerned by the number of people (especially women) who genuinely believe that women and men have the same capacity for physical strength
and who think you’re being sexist if you point out that they don’t
ma’am the only one equating physical strength with innate value here is you
it’s concerning that you think strength has anything to do with value
and if the men in your life ever stop being decent you are setting yourself up to be in so much more danger
#‘but some women and some men’ NOPE we are not talking about the exceptions#yes they exist but#we are talking about ordinary people like me and you and our fathers and friends#because if you think you could take a man in a matter of strength#and he happens to not know or no longer care how badly he could hurt you?#you’re in trouble#women have the freedom to be this ignorant because men are still often taught to be decent and careful towards women
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All I want to happen for Magic Hellbus is for Outis be in a beach dad fit. Give that woman that hawaiian shirt from canto 2, cargo shorts, and a fanny pack and I will be fanning my face and blushing and giggling and taking screenshots every time she’s on screen
#limbus company#outis#assorted outisms#let the women be in hawaiian shirts and the men be in bikinis. transcend the gender norms for gacha games pmoon#dante gets those ye olden bulky metal diving suits for fun
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Insecure martial gods, intentionally or unintentionally pushing toxic masculinity: …
Xie Lian’s (flower-crowned martial god, record number of female believers for a martial god, and stronger than all of the martial gods in heaven combined) honest to god response:
#i put the devotees thing bc of the scene where feng xin was like ugh u have so many female believers#and xie lian was like yes and?#he was like why would it bother me that just as many women worship me as men??#xie lian#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#heaven officials blessing#heaven official’s blessing#heaven official's blessing#mxtx tgcf#fanart?#my art??#i just thought this scene was kind of funny
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Hey! Just a couple of housekeeping things!
If your submission is 50% intra queer community discourse before you even get to the actual conflict, which is more intra queer community discourse, it is unsuitable for this blog and will not be posted
The official position of this blog is that trans women are women, trans men are men, genitals do not dictate gender, and you can have whatever preferences you like but if you use them to misgender someone you ARE the asshole
Cool thanks bye!
#added a bit in reply to a reply because yes that's fair#the specific submission i'm mad about was about women but we also love and support trans men and nonbinary people on this blog
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I might have said some questionable things online but at least I didn't believe men crying about their "abusive" partners and didn't fall for their darvo tactics.
Most m*n you see online, besides having victim complex and trying to take away the voices of female victims, don't actually face abuse but rather complain about how it's great injustice that their exes didn't coddle them enough. A m*n would be calling his ex "abusive and manipulative" only for some dumb libfem to add fuel to the fire n call a woman she doesn't know "narcissistic and controlling gf". And then you find out that the "AbUsive" gf had been groomed, raped and exploited for years before she finally snapped. I don't know about y'all but I would never believe when my oppressors would claim to be victimized. I don't believe m*n, good luck to y'all tho.
#radblr#feminism#radical feminism#radical feminists please interact#women#rad fem#radical feminist safe#radical feminist community#radical feminists do touch#feminist#yes all men#mens mental health#misogny#misandry#female rage#female seperatism#men too#mens rights#womens rights
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THE VILLAIN IS DEAD! The wretch! Together we have crushed him, brain and body!
#gamingnetwork#vgedit#videogameedit#gamingedit#dailygaming#gameplaydaily#bg3edit#bgedit#mybg3#baldur's gate#baldur's gate 3#dame aylin#ketheric thorm#almost made the caption to this one 'common ketheric L'#in this scene i was literally yelling YES GIRL CRUSH HIM!!!!!!!#love when women get 2 violently destroy the men who hurt them
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bad day, julian?
#my art#ds9#star trek deep space nine#julian bashir#blood cw#gore cw#like not really but it is a LITTLE nastie#yes the blood looks like strawberry jam. it was half an attempt at stylization. but also. half failure of that very stylization#art is a lot of trial and error and honey my trial is being handled by cardassian courts there is only one outcome LMFAOOOO#oh nooooooo guess i'll have to do MORE studies. of men. covered in blood (their hottest state)...oh noooo...#women covered in blood too maybe. sorry major kira ur gonna have a bad day too 🥰#i drew these bc emmett was like “we should get to see julian do old fashioned surgery i wanna see that man covered in blood”#and i was like “YEAHHH. IN HIS STUPID LITTLE SURGERY GOWN!!!”#and emmett was like “no no. in his regular clothes.” and i saw his vision and understood#and was like ohhhh i can make that happen. with my curséd hands
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a detective who has a partner🔍 and a partner💕 who are friends so the three of them end up doing a lof things together and the detective refers to them as "my partners" and doesn't realise this makes everyone think they're polyamorous (they do end up polyamorous by the end of the story)
#once people start making remarks and they do realise they're apprehensive to the idea at first#(the detective that is. the partners just find it funny i think)#in a shocked and confused way#like “why would you think that! a is my best friend and b is... also my best friend. but one of them is my colleague and the other my spous#“i do not have an unprofessional relationship with my colleague! ...well i do#but a completely platonic one!“#(they do get up to a lot of hijinks together and it wouldn't be true to call them completely professional)#the detective doesn't stop calling them 'my partners' they just have a monologue about the nature of their relationship locked and loaded#it's a friends to lovers very slow burn to get to the throuple part but we do get there eventually#character concept#yes i initially imagined the detective as a man because i love men and most famous detectives unfortunately are men#however this would work very well in any gender scenario. all three of them are non-binary in different ways. all of them are women.#i think the main detective would be really fun if she was a Philomena Cunk type of character. very smart but So dumb and self-assured#really the main thing the detective needs to be is autistic
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"the problem is men, not trans women!"
ok but what is a man? what is it about this group of people that makes them a problem? is it the identity of 'man' that's the problem? and if all men stopped identifying as men would the problem go away?
#self-id is rotting your brains#this also reminds me of the posts i used to see like 'i hate ALL men and YES that includes trans men!!" like lmao#what the hell are y'all even on about#breaking your backs bending over backwards to validate grown ass men as 'women'#and throwing actual women (afabs) into the oppressor class to keep the “logic” consistent. how embarrassing!#gender lunacy#self-id#radsplain.txt
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tonights acotar thoughts are with the Illyrian women and how rhysand has utterly failed them despite his supposed efforts
Hes ‘allowed’ them to become warriors if they wish. But thats not even the bare minimum. from my memory he acknowledges that he doesnt enforce the wing clipping laws (smooth move) so that’s basically useless and as to be expected of a man, he misses the point of feminism and equality laws. WHERE are the laws and protections for women in marriages?? if the illyrian are so ‘brutal’ and ‘backwards’ the assumption can be made that divorce isn’t a thing unless the man requests it. No women requested divorces and probably no such thing as no fault divorces. As well as forced marriages (which also brings up the consent age) Adding on, what about abortions and other pre natal and natal laws and protections? again, assuming women arent allowed to have abortions or simply any bodily autonomy, where are those decrees rhysand? Im not even getting into the potential of LGBTQ+ illyrians and their rights (Logically there are LGBTQ+ illyrians but ofc sjm wouldn’t mention them)
He makes such a fuss about it being a womans choice (a hypocrite as we see in acosf) yet unless a woman is able too or wants to fight he doesnt seem to care. Which is also a major flaw of sjms writing, women only gain their independence if they can kick ass and fuck as they want. Which is of course valid but thats a very shallow way to view feminism and equality. The whole point is that a woman can choose, wether its to be a warrior or a stay at home mother, but theres nothing done for those women who want that lifestyle.
This has influenced me in my fic writing a lot to where a this topic has become a major focal point in my fic somewhat by accident. I think that logically there would be a rebellion from mostly illyrian women against rhysand, hes promised them so much yet has delivered so little.
#acotar#a court of thorns and roses#anti rhysand#anti night court#anti inner circle#im not anti feyre but im disappointed in her character#sjm#sjm critical#an acotar thought exercise if you will#In my fic i have it planned that a prominent female illyrian revolts against rhysand lol#She along with her mates (yes mates) leads a large group of illyrian men women and lgbtq+ out to the spring court with tams help#Shes such a fun character to develop along with her mates and if i can work with my adhd i will hopefully be able to write about them in my#fic i ran out of characters fuck you tumblr let me yap#its late so forgive me for any grammer errors or mistagging#rhysand#this is also a genuine criticism guys i know how yall rhysie fans like to tussel
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