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scribblemetae · 10 months

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Yes, Miss | Hyunjin Smut | Part 1

Website Tagline: ‘Virgin boy with years of backed up cum pleasures himself for you, come watch my live videos and teach me how to fuck’

Description/Summary: It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know this was going to happen, how were you to know the person behind the videos you used to get off to was none other than your favourite straight A student Hwang Hyunjin. How would you ever look at the boy with thick black glasses properly again?

Genre: Nerd!Hyunjin, Teacher!Reader, Student!Hyunjin, Taboo but fully legal relationship.

Word count: 9k

Main warnings: general teacher student naughty business, Hyunjin got a Miss!Kink, Cam!boy Hyunjin, Desperate Hyunjin. Masturbation (f) and (m), Mutual Masturbation (Kinda?) Slow burn but also not a slow burn lmao

A/N : Re-post from my Stray Kids story, I do love writing about cam boys! I might write more members as cam boys

He drove you wild, you were here panting hard on your bed sheets as you watched him stroke his cock into his camera. You’re not sure when you became a slave to his live shows, you never expected to become a regular viewer of anybody on the website, only signing up to relieve a bit of stress every now and then. However, since the first video of his you watched, when he was talking about how desperate he was to fuck you with his virgin cock, you were stuck on him. You even went as far as signing up to the website to get notifications for when he would be going live.

A virgin cam boy with a sweet voice and a perfect looking cock, how could you not live for that?. There was something so hot about the idea of him being completely innocent and untouched, yet here getting off for anybody to see.

His viewership seemed small, but that wasn’t exactly a bad thing, it meant not as many annoying messages popping up during live streams when he would say something in need of an answer. He always interacted with his viewers, pretending to be their boyfriend who was to scared to fuck so jacked off just for them, he was delectable. He had said the virgin thing wasn't just a character and was actually true and that made you mouth water for him, he seemed so sweet when he would talk to views before and after lives.

Right now he was the complete antithesis of sweet, hand wrapped around his hard cock as he layed back on his bed, face out of screen as always, filth leaving his lips as he helped his viewers reach their highs.

“Fuck, I’m so backed up with cum, wanna cum for you so bad.” You were right there with him, fingers deep inside your cunt as you thrusted inside at the same pace he stroked his cock. You watch him as he sits up slightly reading some of the comments panting. “Yeah, yeah I’ll fuck you soon, promise I’ll let you take my virginity soon but for now just enjoy watching me baby.” he continued stroking himself, breathing getting heavier and heavier as you got close to the edge, deep voice turning whimpery. “You’ll have to teach me how to fuck, teach me what to do -shit- cum with me, please cum with me.” The perfect blend of dominant and submissive, you couldn’t help but do exactly what he asked and cum at the same time as him.

When you’d finished your session you were damp and warm but the last thing you wanted to do was move, your shower would have to wait till morning before you go to work. For now all you wanted to do was roll over and fall asleep.

It was only 8am and you’d already had it this morning. Mondays were always pretty bad but this one was worse, all the professors and teachers had to come in an hour early to discuss work plans and for the last half an hour your boss has just gone in on you all for your students' grades. It's not like they were bad, in fact your college was one of the best in the area but he just wanted them to be better. He’d taken your can do attitude and good mood and slammed it into the ground. Today was going to be a long day

“Correct Hyunjin, does anybody else have any ideas or are we just going to leave it to our fellow classmen over here to answer everything for us?”

You were in the last lesson for the day and your mood had gone from bad to worse. looking around the room at your class and everybody was silent, looking at you with vacant stares, eyes barely open. Mondays were always the same. The majority of your class turned up but most of them were nursing hangovers and dealing with their own sleep depravity. It was times like these you wanted to bang your head against the table. When you swapped over to teaching college students you thought things would be easier, these are young adults who have decided to come to your class, they’ve purposely come to study and learn and yet most of the time it was like trying to get blood from a stone. Days like this always reminded you that in reality they are just young adults that only came to college for the promise of good parties and sex.

As much as your students could drive you mad you did have a select few that would sit at the front, always turn up on time and always engaged with your lessons but that was 4 out of about 30. Yun-hee, Felix, Sunny and Hyunjin, they always made your lessons slightly bearable but you knew everybody else relied on them to get the answers correct so they could just jot it down on their laptops and be on their way. You weren’t blind to it, you could see right through them all, it wasn't long ago you were in college doing the exact same thing. People always relied on the nerdy kids who sat at the front and tried their hardest to get them through.

You rolled your eyes as you turned to face the projector screen trying not to let everybody see your clear annoyance with them, if you thought your last few lessons were bad you had another thing coming. You continued through the next 45 minutes and you were getting nothing from them. Hyunjin and Sunny answered most if not all the questions of class, obviously looking golden in your eyes, but nerdy in the eyes of their piers. The phrase ‘Fucking nerd’ was flung out while Hyunjin answered a particularly hard question, forcing you to remove the foul mouthed ass-hole from the lesson.

You always felt bad for Hyunjin, you noticed that he was picked on a lot and never really stood up for himself, in fact all four of your best students got it pretty rough from the others. You thought bullying would calm down slightly in a college environment compared to the pre-school you taught in beforehand but you were wrong, people were meaner here and if there's one thing you couldn’t stand it was an asshole bully. You shook your head reminding yourself this wasn’t the place to be cussing out your students and looked at the time on your laptop. You still had another 5 minutes to go but you really didn't see the point in continuing considering that for the last 15 you’d just had everybody work in pairs and study the subject. So, you did what all mature, respectable professors do. “Okay guys we’re gonna finish the lesson 5 minuets early, i'll see you all tomorrow”. You know you probably shouldn't have but it was your last lesson of the day and you were just ready to get home and relax.

As the class were packing their books away and you were doing the same, you feel a knock against the table and turn to see that Hyunjin had accidentally walked into it while approaching you, he softly rubs his elbow as he whispers out an “owch.”

“Hyunjin, are you okay?” You reach over touching his arm making sure that he didn’t hurt himself too badly. He just nods at you slowly with a small smile on his face. “I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed the lesson today.” Everything he did was awkward, you noted as he put his hand out as if he was going to shake yours before slowly pulling it back realising that would be a weird thing to do.

“Thank you Hyunjin, your input on the subject matters are always impressive to say the least.” He blushed at your compliment looking down. It was only as the conversation went silent that you noticed all your other students had left, but Hyunjin was still gripping his bag to his chest as he stood in front of you. “Is there something else you need Hyunjin?” He went wide eyed at your question, almost as if you’d caught him doing something he shouldn't. “I, No, Miss, your shirt looks really pretty.”

As you took a second to think about his words he had already started to leave, face bright red in embarrassment but the sound of slapping on the floor makes you whip your head around to where he was laying on the floor. God, he was so clumsy. You run over to him trying to help him up but he looks mortified as you grab his hand and some of the stuff he had dropped. “Hyunjin, you have to be more careful.” He looks like he hit his knee pretty badly as he stands up hopping a little bit waiting for the pain to go down “I know, I'm sorry Noona, I mean, Miss Y/L/N.”

You slowly start handing over his things, a book, a flask and a medium sized green pouch that felt heavier than it should. He was quick to grab them off you as you handed them back, ears still red from embarrassment. “Don’t be sorry Hyunjin, just be careful. You know these kids will do anything that they can to find a weakness in you.”

You didn’t have to elaborate on any of it, he understood exactly what you meant looking down toward the floor unsure of how to answer. You really did make him nervous, butterflies appearing in his tummy every time he was in the same room as you. “You need to stick up for yourself, be more confident, you're such a bright kid Hyunjin” your hand was on his arm now and he nearly flinched back at the feeling of you words flowing through him. “I’m not a kid, Miss Y/L/N.” You take a deep breath and do your best to say no more, not wanting to offend him in any way. It must be hard when people are so cruel to him on a daily basis. “I know Hyunjin, that's not what I meant”

He was quick to remove himself from the room after that, shrugging a small goodbye as he walked out on you, leaving you to finish up your day ‘Well that was different’ you thought to yourself as you went back to packing everything away. Something seemed so different about Hyunjin lately and you couldn’t put your finger on it. He was still excelling at classes and still dressing the same way. He still had the same friends and did the same things and yet you could tell there was something on his mind. All you could do was shrug it off and hope for the best for him.

It didn’t take long for you to get all your things together finally and leave the classroom. As you walk down the hallway rushing to get to your car but your name booms down the hallway. Your boss, the man in charge of the school, was shouting you and you hoped to god this could be over quickly so you could just go home. You turned around and smiled at him, maybe you just dropped something.

“Have you handed in all your lesson plans for the next few months''. You couldn’t help but look at him confused, you’ve never really had to go over your plans with him before, this was a college not a pre-school. When you didn't answer he made sure to bark back at you. “___, If you’re not prepared for lessons its no wonder your students are failing” before you could even babble out your defence and make him aware that only 8% of your students actually were failing he continued to berate you in the hallways “You weren’t hired to bring the university down, you were hired because of your remarkable ideas that quite frankly I'm yet to see any of”

You wanted to shout and scream, this being the second time you’d been spoken to like this by him today but you knew it would get you nowhere. This was just the way he was, it was nothing personal, he was just an absolute dick. It was only when you looked around that you saw Hyunjin in the hallway standing by his locker listening into the conversation. You thought everybody had hurried off but knowing there were still people around you felt embarrassed. You didn’t let it show though, or at least you tried not to, smiling at him and looking straight back to your boss missing the uneasy smile he threw back at you.

You opened your mouth ready to defend yourself but were cut off by him shouting the name of another teacher and you quickly took your chance to leave the conversation. You felt bad for whoever he was about to scream at but at the same time you had taken your share and just wanted to leave

The drive home was easy, luckily for you. Every traffic light was green and the roads were pretty clear much to your surprise. You managed to make it home much quicker than you usually would. As you slammed your car door a little bit harder than you probably should have you walked up to your door, unlocking it and breathing a little bit easier as you walked into your living room.

After you made yourself food, sat down with a glass of wine and finished up all your jobs, that you finally slumped on the couch not letting the stress from the day dissipate in any way when you sit there replaying everything you could have done better in your head. All the annoyances big and small start to eat away at you until your head starts pounding, when you phone pings your glad there's finally going to be something to knock you out of it when you grab it quickly from beside you.

You thought it would be a text message, a notification from a game you could mindlessly play until you had to go to sleep, or even a reminder that you set for something you’d obviously forgotten but no it was none of them, the little notification was from SKZCamboys.net, ‘babyboy has gone live’ you immediately bit your bottom lip reading his tagline that pops up every time along with the notification ‘Virgin boy with years of backed up cum pleasures himself for you, come watch my live videos and teach me how to fuck’.

He never goes live on a weekday, only every showing his face, or should you say body, on a Sunday night getting everybody ready for the week ahead of them. To say you were wet immediately just from the surprise of seeing the notification would have been an understatement. You wasted no time grabbing your laptop and rushing to your bedroom thanking the heavens that today of all days he decided to spring a surprise live on everybody

As you open your laptop you're quick to position yourself on your bed, laying down and setting everything up ready to wash away the annoyance the best way you knew how. As soon as you log into your laptop account the notification letting you know he's gone live pops up and you click it, way more eager than usual. You had no shame in masturbating but you did have a little shame at doing it so eagerly.

There he was, kneeling in front of his camera, slacks on but shirtless. You never got to see his face, you could only imagine how handsome he looked, if only he would tip his camera up a little bit more to help your imagination. Fuck, just seeing him like this was starting to get you wet.

“I’ll wait until I have a few more views to start, for now we can just have some fun talking.” His voice was sweet like honey, something familiar and safe about it but you knew you’d never heard a voice quite like it, you’d remember the way the vibrations of the deep timber would shake your heart. You can see him reading the comments that are already rushing on the side of the stream, you wish you could click them away but it was the only negative of this website. You always had to see them there next to his perfect body.

Suddenly his voice turns timid as he reads out one of the comments ‘What do you have instore for us today H? Why the surprise live’ H was his pseudonym, a stage name if you will, he never gave out his real name much to your dismay. You’d do anything to moan it out for him.

As you saw him covering his body you could see him slowly getting in to character, he pretended to be shy and innocent but theres no way somebody who was willing to get his cock out on camera really was, but still, the show he put on always worked for you.

“I’m sorry about being so abrupt, I know usually we wait till a Saturday to have fun but, I really wanted to touch you today, I know you’ve had such a hard day today I just wanna help you get rid of all that stress”

You gasped at his words, a whimper slightly following it. V had a storyline in his videos, one that you were a slave to. He was your virgin boyfriend. You’re not sure when you started watching his videos but each one you’ve watched was a continuation of the last, usually basing them on the premise that you were his girlfriend, watching him get off because he was to scared to fuck.

"The more time we spend together, the more we talk and get to know each other, the more I wanna be dirty with you." Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, its like he was speaking directly to you. His hands were starting to stroke over his body and you couldn’t help but picture them as your own. As his fingers danced around his skin your eyes raked down his body noticing the hard on that was pressing against the thin material of his pants and your mouth started to water slightly. You couldn’t help but slide your hand down your pants, laying them on top of your panties and slowly starting to rub, trying to warm yourself up a little bit ready for him.

“No, no, baby, stop.” His voice was winey and it stopped your movements “Don't touch yourself yet please, I wanna do it for you remember? I wanna do all the touching.” This was something you loved about watching him, he could read all his viewers like a book, he knew exactly what he was doing and he loved to tease with it.

“Please, just let me enjoy your body tonight, i’ve got so fucking much backed up cum to give you, just let me have my way with you.” As always you followed along and did as he said, restraining from touching yourself and biting your bottom lip frustrated that you couldn’t start without him.

You couldn’t see it from his lips, but you could see the bouncing of his Adam's apple as he chuckled slightly dropping his innocent character, enjoying what he was doing to his viewers. Comments popping up at the side of his stream asking him to start, begging him to really let them take his virginity.

“You’re all so excited about getting to fuck me, so many juicy pussys ready to let me have there way with them” he moved his had down and grasps his cock groaning slightly “Makes me so fucking hard thinking about it.” As he started to palm himself the pure version of himself makes his appearance again “but, I don’t know if im ready for that just yet, you don’t mind waiting for me do you baby? Just a little longer, I promise I wont make you wait to much longer but tonight I just wanna lick, just wanna stroke and touch you till you’re Cumming for me, is that okay, baby?”

You look around at the background of his live, trying to distract yourself knowing that if you look at him any longer you won't be able to help but start touching yourself out of pure desperation. His bed sheets had math equations on them, different trophies across his wall for academic achievements. You eyes wondered slightly over his body again but this time you weren’t looking at his chest, you noticed a bruise on his elbow and all you wanted to do was kiss it better. While your eyes dances around his bedroom and you mind fluttered with all the ways you’d like to take care of him you managed to change your position so you were up against your headboard, clothes completely removed and your laptop was in between your feet that were now spread out in front of you.

“Lets see who we have joining today, who's going to let this desperate little tongue explore them tonight” The soft stuttering of his words were in huge contrast with the things he was saying making your brain melt and he pulls you back to attention when he starts reading the names of some of his views and your pussy throbs when he calls out your user name ‘Missy/n’. Yeah, you knew it wasn’t exactly original but when you signed up to the website you never thought you'd become a regular viewer of anybody. “Will you let me please you tonight Missy/n? You’re always so silent on my streams”

Shit, he was addressing you, calling you out essentially. His viewership was so small he could remember his regular viewers, sometimes addressing them by the name they asked and talk to them while he streamed. It looked like tonight it was your turn. “Do you like being called Miss, y/n? Does my girlfriend like being called miss? I can do that if you just talk to me baby” Your pussy was dripping at his words, you had to clench your fists in order to stop from touching yourself. You could see other comments on the side begging for his attention, asking him to talk to them since you were clearly too shy. They weren’t wrong. You never interacted, and clearly he has noticed that.

“You always watch my streams but never join in on the fun” He slowly starts pulling on the waistband of his slacks and his cock pops out into view. He's so big and hard, he has one of the prettiest cocks you’ve ever seen and you verbally moan out loud. “We had so much fun last night, I know you where there, you can tell me anything remember, I'm a good boyfriend I'll do whatever you want” he pushed his hand into his pants and you heard a gasp from off camera “Please, Missy/n, please tell me what you like so I can make tonight all about you”

The fact he was directing this to you makes your brain vibrate, all sense being thrown out the window as your pussy clenches around nothing, needing to feel something. You type up your reply, talking to him for the first time, it's strange how nervous it makes you but you need him to start, your stomach is starting to hurt with want. You want to sound sexy but don’t want to embarrass yourself

You settled with something simple 'Call me Miss, H, I really like that' and hoped to God he would keep going, You’d never felt as nervous as you did pressing the enter button on your keypad. “Fuck yes, Tonight's all about you miss, its all for you”

Waking you up felt great, the laptop was pushed to the end of the bed as you sat up and rubbed your eyes starting to stretch for a second before starting to panic.

No alarm?

You searched your bed quickly looking for your phone, throwing the covers and the pillows around untill you eventually found it hidden underneath the laptop at the end of your bed.

8:35. Shit.

You had 25 minuets to get dressed ready and at work. You let out a frustrated 'fuck' As you flipped your house around trying to find everything you needed. You were lucky you put all your clothes on the right way round at this point.

Your hair was thrown up quickly and your face was bare, you'd have to skip the make-up for today. You threw your laptop in your bag and hauled ass to your car making sure you're there as quick as the speed limit would let you.

You were lucky, every light turned green and the roads were practically empty meaning you were only late to your first class by 5 minutes.

As you ran through the door you were quick to apologize to your students, not that any of them were really paying attention to you. You were in such a rush you barely had a grip on your laptop case and bags while they were slipping down your arms.

"Do you-" you feel your bags slipping lower and lower as you hear Hyunjins voice and his hand reaching out to help you "-do you need a hand Miss?" He was always so sweet. His black hair was tied back and his big blue jumper looked nearly too big for him as he grabbed your laptop bag off your arm allowing you to reposition your other bag on your shoulder.

"Thank you Hyunjin" you give him a smile and shouted out to the rest if your class "You guys talk amongst yourself for a second while I set up"

Both you and Hyunjin walked to your desk and placed all your stuff on there "There-erm-what" as you looked up to your side Hyunjin was still standing over you struggling with his words. You couldn't tell what he was saying over the noise of a nearly full lecture hall talking amongst themselves though "Hyunjin, are you okay?"

He looked surprised at you addressing him and shook his head as he was released from whatever daydream he was in. His cheeks and ears looked slightly flushed as he opened his mouth to say something but the words wouldn't come out.

"Do you want to help me set up?" You weren't sure why he was always so nervous around you, but you tried to help him out wherever you could. You assumed it was because you were his teacher. You weren’t much older than him, but old enough that you held the authority, besides, no matter what your age difference you were the person who held his grades in your hands. He was twenty one years old and he could do whatever he wanted in his life, as long as you gave him the grades to achieve it.

You tried to sound as casual as possible as you directed him to the chair at your desk and asked him to set up the laptop and your google documents, maybe if you were slightly less formal with him he would calm down a little when he was around you. As you pulled everything out of your bag that you needed you heard another whack as Hyunjin rubs his elbow sitting on the chair at the other side of it. That's the second time he's hit his elbow on your desk, he's so clumsy. So much so that in another few seconds you heard a crashing of your laptop and another bang on the table from Hyunjins direction.

As you look over, your laptop is on the floor and Hyunjin looks shocked. In a second he was rushing to pick everything up as he almost groveled to you “Im sorry, i'm so sorry, wait-”

You can hear everybody in the background starting to turn and talk about what was going on at the front and you feel that frazzled Hyunjin even more. He was clamoring around the desk and the floor trying to pick up everything that had been dropped. You moved around the desk and dropped to your knees trying to help him, as he scrambled, you were trying to help him by grabbing things calmly. The whole class was starting to get louder and you could hear people laughing at him and you were starting to get frustrated.

“It's okay Hyunjin, don’t worry” but as you grabbed your laptop he seemed to get even more stressed out grabbing it at the same time as you almost as if he was trying to pull it out of your hands. When you looked down at the screen, you realized why.

The screen was lit up glowing on SKZCamboys.net. All the air felt like it was punched out of your stomach. You must have forgotten to exit everything when you rushed this morning and now both of you were staring at the screen that was on H’s profile. Thumbnail of the video finished and paused on the screen of his cock in hand, with cum all over it.

There was no explaining this away, you slammed the laptop closed and started to apologise but before you could, the laughing from the class was getting louder “You’re such a fucking loser” - “Look at him stairing at her! Hyunjin wants to fuck the tutor everybody” - You heard laughing coming from all different directions and you could see the mortification coming from Hyunjins face.

He was quick to react, pulling his body from the floor and running towards the door. You shouted his name but you knew there was no quick fix to this. All this had done was added fuel to the fire of Hyunjin getting bullied and honestly all you wanted to do was hit your head on the table.

As you managed to pull yourself off the floor ready to scold your students there was a knocking on your classroom door, the entire off you class were silent and that could only mean one thing.

"What's going on here miss Y/L/N" there he is again, the bane of your job. "Sir we just had a small mishap, it's nothing I can't ha-" he interjected before you could say anything. "Small mishap? You have a student running out of your classroom, your entire class shouting about and all your lesson notes seem to be scattered onto the floor"

You took a deep breath before you could answer him. You needed to compose yourself "I can assure you Sir, it's not what it looks like"

"Not what it looks like? So you haven't completely lost control of your class?" Before you could say anything he was walking towards your desk with fury in his eyes "take the rest of the week off miss y/l/n, i'll deal with you on Monday"

You were shocked to say the least, you were standing there in the middle of your classroom and he had the audacity to send you home? As if you were a student yourself. You shook your head, surely he was just being dramatic "Sir, I don't think that's necessary"

"Oh Miss y/l/n I think it's very necessary. In fact, make it two weeks, now collect your things and head home"

You didn't say anything. You felt embarrassed. The entire time this was happening your class was watching over your shoulder in silence. They all looked as surprised as you as you awkwardly bent down to pick up the rest of your papers and packed all your things away. Your exit from the room felt shameful. Your head was hung low as there were no words exchanged, the only sound was the clicking of your heels on the hardwood floor.

As you left and closed the door behind you, you leaned against it hitting the back of your head on it. There was nothing you could do. You weren't the first tutor he'd sent home but if you were honest, you were the first one he'd sent for a legitimate reason. You had lost control of everything going on back there.

That's when you remembered what had happened with Hyunjin. Oh God, you needed to make things right with him, for him. You wondered where he'd run off to, unsure where to even start. How do you make that up to somebody. Nobody wants to see the porn their teacher gets off to, especially not somebody as sweet and nieve as Hyunjin. Not to mention unintentionally embarrassing in front of the class, if he hadn't seen what was on your screen he wouldn't have dropped anything and nobody would have thought anything of it.

The walk to your car was slightly defeated. Head hug low, ignoring everybody who you walked past and slumping yourself into your front seat. As you pulled your phone out to check any notifications you saw the email the university had sent you.

Dear Y/N,

This email is to confirm your suspension from USTRAY University with immediate effect. This will be a 12 day suspension period and you will be due to return on Monday 1st of May.

In the meantime if you have any queries please take them up with your HR representative.

You may still be asked to contact students via email if any on-going work issues present themselves but in these cases you will be paid for your time.

On your return date you will have an investigation to look into the details of your suspension, the out-come of this meeting could rage anywhere between no further action taken to a disciplinary hearing.

We hope you are in good health and we look forward to seeing you soon.

USTAY University

you rolled your eyes and threw your head back in defeat, the one thing this university had going for it was that it was efficient, you weren't even off the grounds and you already had your suspension email. As you drive home you play the email over and over in your head.

__________________________

You weren't really sure what to do with yourself. You'd been at home for two hours, sat watching TV twiddling your tumble idoly while thinking of how to be productive. Your situation was shit to say the least but you wanted to at least do something with the forced time off.

You'd been almost in a trance for the last hour, bored and watching TV only managing to snap out of it when your phone rang next to you.

You didn't even look at it when you pulled it up to your ear to speak to whoever dared interrupt you wallowing. "Hello"

"Oh Hi _____ it's Chris"

Why would Chris be calling you? He was one of the music studies tutors at your uni, you'd only talked to him a handful of times so he's not somebody you thought would call to discuss your current situation. "Oh yeah, Hi Chris what's up?"

"First of all I'm really sorry about what happened, you're a great tutor you didn't deserve that, the man has lost his mind I swear" after a few seconds and a small thank you from you he continued "what I actually called to ask you about was Hyunjin"

Oh god, did he tell everybody what had happened. You're sure you'd lose your job straight away if the other tutors thought you were watching porn in your lessons.

"He didn't come to his second class today and he's never ever missed a class and the somebody told me what happened in your lesson and it all made a little more sense"

You nodded your head as he spoke but you weren't entirely sure why he was telling you this. You knew what had gone on and you'd do anything you could to help Hyunjin out but you weren't allowed back in the uni and he knew that.

"I was wondering if you could reach out to him?" His suggestion left you feeling a little bit of dread, it made sense if you were Chris, to have you be the one to reach out to him. Everything happened in your class and you had always had a soft spot for him but if he knew what Hyunjin saw, what it was that caused the situation then he'd know that your probably the last person that Hyunjin wants to talk to right now.

"You're his favorite tutor, I always over hear him talking about you to Felix in my lessons, maybe if you just gave him an email for an update and a 'How's it going' chat, you know, I don't want him to start missing lessons, I wouldn't ask cos I know your technically not getting paid but" he finished his sentence without actually finishing it.

You knew you'd have to speak to him, as it stands he was still technically one of your students so you'd have to approach him eventually, maybe it would be easier to do it over email.

"Yeah, yeah okay sure I'll see what I can do"

Before you'd even amended to finish your sentence Chris was thanking you from the other end "just keep me updated on anything that happened, and again, I'm really sorry about all this. He really is a dick sometimes"

You huffed out a small laugh to him and agreed before putting the phone down getting ready to send an email over to Hyunjin.

Where would you even start? How do you talk about something like this to somebody who struggles even talking to you. As you open up your emails on your phone and start what you were sure was going to be the most over thought out email of your life you noticed a notification at the top left of your phone

Babyboy has gone live.

You knew you shouldn't, you knew you had other things going on in your life that were way more important than you getting your rocks off and yet something made you click on it. You weren't working, you weren't getting paid to message him and as much as you wanted to help him the temptation of watching the man that always helps make you cum. Still, there was a small hint of guilt that washed over you, okay, maybe just a sneak peak and then you’ll get back to the email.

As you clicked on the notification and the video started playing you saw that he was already talking to people. Your volume was down and as you turned it up what he was saying was already turning you on

“Will you fuck me today? I know you want me so bad, i'm ready, please” You were shocked, immediately immersed attention fully on him as his needy voice left your phone speakers. You could pull your eyes away and your body was getting hot.

“You’re here, fuck you’re here. Fuck me, please” As he speaks he pulls into frame a small looking green bag, it almost looked like a pencil case but a bit bigger and with a bit more weight to it. It looked familiar but before you could even care to think about it he started to pull out its contents.

Your mouth started watering as you saw the fleshlight. You were biting your bottom lip as he started pushing his finger inside it groaning out loud. What made him take this turn with his videos, you were sure he’d never actually get this far, only ever teasing his audience, but now you have this you weren't sure you’d ever be able to think about anything else.

“Can’t wait to feel your pussy, been waiting for so long” as he talked you sat further back on your sofa and quickly pushed your hands into your jeans and underwear and started to rub yourself. You couldn’t control yourself when it came to the faceless man, when you felt how wet you were you pushed a finger inside of your hole and let out a soft but long gasp as you felt some of your tension running away from you.

As he pulled his finger out of the toy he moved it further up in the frame, dipping his face down slightly as his tongue connected to the fake pussy. You immediately clenched around your fingers, this is the most you’d ever seen of him and he was licking a fleshlight, you couldn't help but imagine he was on the floor in front of you, tongue licking inside your slit as your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

“Taste so good Miss, fuck I want more” The use of the word Miss made your eyes open and what you saw on your phone threw you through a loop. You pulled your fingers away from your body bringing them up to cover your mouth that was open in shock.

You could see his jaw, his tongue had pushed into the fleshlight and now his mouth and lips and jaw were in view as he tongued the toy, but that wasn’t what surprised you.

Hyunjin.

You’d recognise him anywhere. Your pussy was still leaking and it felt so wrong. After all this time it was Hyunjin on the other end of the camera? His tongue was so deep inside the toy and you could hear his moans, watching his jaw move tentatively as he kissed around the lips bathing the toy in his saliva.

It took everything in you, every ounce of moral to exit the window on your phone and place it down on your sofa. Your eyes were closed as you tried to take deep breaths and forget about it but when you did you pictured him again, the vision of his tongue between your legs, pushing it deep inside of you as your legs quivered around his head.

You couldn’t help but jump up off the sofa, clapping your hands to the front of your body and to the back, pacing around trying to do anything that could get the picture out of your head. It was wrong, the thought of it shouldn’t make your body squirm and your pussy clench the way it was.

You’d never thought of him like this, you’d always noted that he was good looking, it was the main reason you thought the boys all picked on him, jealous that he was attractive and smart, a lethal combination. But, untill now, never once had you thought about him sexually.

Your phone once again goes off, a notification sound ringing around the room.

Perfect a distraction.

It was a text from Chris

"Thanks for getting in contact with him, I'm sure he'll be grateful for it. Just if you can make sure you message him soon and then send me any updates or just CC me in on the email"

Okay maybe not.

What the hell were you supposed to do? There was no way you could CC Chris in on the email. What would happen if Hyunjin replied and mentioned what happened, in fact, maybe it wasn't a good idea to email him at all. You needed to get some distance. You were having the most inappropriate thoughts about him.

You typed back a quick reply to Chris with the perfect excuse.

"Hey Chris, I've just tried emailing him but sadly I'm having no luck with my Internet connection on my phone and due to my laptop being dropped today I'm unable to try on there until it's repaired. You may have to try and contact him yourself, Sorry for all the hassle"

Okay so you lied through your front teeth but that was the best option out of all the ones you could think of at the moment. This would allow you time before you got back to work to deal with this all in your head

"Oh that's fine I'll send you over his phone number, maybe just giving him a call would be easier anyways, it's a bit more personal, just let me know how it goes. Thanks again"

Sure enough in the next text Chris sent you over his number and you were near rolling your eyes.

He was right, a phone call would be much more personal and you wanted to avoid that the best you could. Could you get away with texting him? No, that's far too informal and awkward.

You couldn't help but let out a loud grunt of annoyance. Fuck it, just call him and get it over with. It's not like he knows what your thinking, this is just as casual as it would have been before you found out. It's only different on your end of things.

You planned out how it was going to go in your head, looking at your phone weighing out the possible opening lines and options you could take

"Hi Hyunjin it's Miss __, I was just calling to talk about what happened today in class" maybe? No, wait, this opens up the possibility for him to talk about your laptop "Hi Hyunjin, I'm just calling about you missing your lessons today" Nope, that kinda feels too accusatory. You didn't want him to feel at fault. "Hi hyunjin, I just wanted to call to make sure you were okay after today, Professor Bang said you'd not been in for your next class?

That felt better, you weren't accusing him of anything and you didn't give him too much time to talk about the incident, more leading it towards the missing off classes than anything else.

You must have paced around the loving room for a good half an hour before you hyped yourself up enough for the call, anybody watching would have thought you were getting ready for an Olympic run. You'd managed to straighten up your living room, make yourself and drink and do the dishes all until you had nothing left to procrastinate over.

Your heartbeat had slowed down in the half an hour avoidance but as soon as you picked up your phone again you could feel it increasing. You dialed in his number and took a deep breath, it was going to be fine.

Well, it would have been fine if he didn't answer his phone so quickly, throwing you off completely.

"Hello"

How did you never recognise his voice? Without a face attached all you could hear was the man you watch on the other end of your computer screen. It was different when he was there in front of you though, when he was there his voice was soft and stuttered, unsure of what to say next. When you watch him on camera, although his voice was still soft, there was a confidence that made the two personalities indistinguishable from one another.

"Oh, Hi Hyunjin? It's ___, oh I mean. It's Miss ___"

Shit, now you were the stumbling idiot.

"Oh, Hi Miss, how're you? I mean, what makes you call?"

Okay, so not just you, you were both stumbling idiots. Come on, you just had to get this over with. Just ask him how he's doing and convince him to go back to classes tomorrow.

“Oh well, one of your tutors, Professor Bang? He called me and said you’d missed your lesson with him, I was just wanting to make sure you were okay, it's not like you to miss a lesson.”

You were honest and straight to the point, that's exactly what had happened. He didn't exactly seem happy with your reasoning though as his voice sounded slightly dejected in his reply

“Oh”

You weren’t exactly sure where to run with that without talking a little bit more, the only problem with talking more about it was you knew that inevitably you’d have to bring it up, you’d have to mention the one thing you really really wanted to avoid

“Oh? Are you okay Hyunjin?-” You tried to think of a way to address it but your voice was reluctant “-I know-” Ugh, here you go. “-I know what happened in lesson must have been so weird for you and i'm so sorry for that, I didn't mean for you to see that”

You released a deep breath at the end of your sentence, it felt good being able to say it, just getting it out in the open. Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal after all. It was porn, and you were both adults regardless of Hyunjins innocent seeming nature, besides, he really wasn't as innocent as he seemed evidently.

“Its, its okay Miss, I’d never judge you for it, its more of a complement than anything”

Good? Why would seeing your porn make him feel…. Wait. It takes all of a second for you to realize what you were looking at when he saw your laptop. It was one of his videos, he knew you’d been watching him. Your eyes widen as realization slaps you right across the face. You can’t believe it. How could you ever live that down, this was worse than you could imagine. This was more than just him simply knowing you watch porn. He knew you watched him, he knew you watched him before you even did.

“Oh My God, Hyunjin, i've just realized”

You couldn’t believe it took you now to figure it out. He must really have thought you were a pervert. You needed him to know that it wasn’t something you did intentionally. You must have sounded so frantic as you tried to convince him

His voice though, was a lot calmer, very soft and shy with a hint of confidence that you’d only ever seen in his videos

“And now you’re calling me up just to check on me, you must really like me Miss”

Wait, that voice, that is the voice he puts on in his videos. Did he really think you did this on purpose. How could you have possibly known it was him? He never once showed his face until today, not once did he mention his name or anything.

“Hyunjin, you have to know I had no idea it was you. I never would have if I’d have known”

You managed to calm yourself down slightly but you were still bewildered, the most shocking part was that he wasn’t shocked. You thought he'd be embarrassed when he found out that, essentially, his teacher was watching his porn videos. Instead, it seemed to give him a confidence that you’d never seen in person before.

“Oh, so, you don’t like me?”

Why did he sound so disappointed? You could almost hear the pout that you were certain was on his lips right now. It's not that you don’t like him, it's that you can’t view him in the way you unintentionally have been. How is he not understanding what you’re saying?

“Hyunjin that's not what I mean, i'm your tutor, anything else would be ridiculously inappropriate”

Your voice was stern with him, you weren't tripping over your words anymore. Sure, you may still accidentally be thinking of his tongue licking up and down a sex toy but at least you weren’t verbalising that to him.

“You’re barely older than me”

Again with the sulking, everytime you try to explain yourself he seems upset and offended. He wanted you to like him.

“Hyunjin, do you, do you like me?”

You didn’t feel like you were reaching with your question, in fact you thought it had become pretty obvious after the conversation you’d just had, and apparently Hyunjin thought the same.

“You mean you didn’t know before now?”

God, his voice was so soft and coy. Wait, no, not soft and coy. This is wrong. You shouldn't love the way it sounds when he says it.

“Hyunjin, you can’t say these things”

Saying it outloud almost made you believe it, made you believe that you didn't want to hear these words coming out of his mouth. Morally and realistically you didn’t but in the back of your head lived a fantasy. A fantasy that only became a thing when you watched his stupid live stream. Him and you, together. Apparently you weren’t the only one with that fantasy either.

“But I've wanted to say them for so long, I always try and compliment you but it always comes out so…-” You could feel his frustration, his voice was no longer pouty and more frustrated “-So wrong, it's so hard to look into your eyes and not get lost”

You fear hearing these words coming from his mouth and you're scared it's for different reasons that it should be. He was turning you on. You were already affected by what had happened earlier and now hearing him say things like this, it was sending tingles through your body

“Hyunjin”

You try to stop him but he just keeps talking.

“I know you would never look at me twice, I'm not some hot, popular older guy, but you do watch me, you care about me right?”

Of course you cared about him, you cared about him so much that you’d always treat him slightly differently, it broke your heart that even in this situation he was talking down on himself. His confidence once displayed was wearing down with your rejection.

“Hyunjin we can’t have this conversation anymore”

Just because you felt bad for him didn’t mean you could let this continue though. You couldn’t let him keep talking. You were scared he would convince himself further that this was okay. You were scared he would convince you.

There was silence, you couldn’t think of the right thing to say and there was no way he was going to lead the conversation. The tension was so high as the both of you were lost for words.

“Do you?-” Finally, he was talking. It was still stuttering and slightly unsure but at least he was attempting because at this point you had no idea what to say “-do you ever join in?”

You ended the call. You had no idea what else you could do. You couldn’t answer him, you had no idea what the right thing to say was. You’ve never heard him speak like this, not to you anyways. You were just so surprised that he had this side of him. Filming videos of yourself was one thing, yes one very surprising and unexpected thing for him to do, but to have that same confidence when talking to a real person, that's something you never thought you’d see in Hyunjin.

What happened to the cute boy who wore oversized jumpers, baggy jeans and stuttered when he spoke

#Hyunjin smut #Hwang Hyunjin Smut #Stray Kids #Stray Kids smut #Hyunjin #Hwang Hyunjin

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arcane-sync · 1 year

Text

I want to talk about something that I have never seen mentioned on this website before. That is, the duality of alter lists. And tangentially, switching multiple times to chat with people online.

When I was first coming to terms with this diagnosis, I too made an alter list with basic info and shared it with people I talked to. It was a trend in the groups I ended up in.

What is interesting was the info I dug up for those lists was TRUE but not AUTHENTIC. Let me explain that.

Factually, the information was mostly accurate. But I am not sure exactly how I came up with it. I dont know if it was a mischevious part sharing personal info behind their backs, if the info was floated to me willingly, or if I ripped the info out of my own mind (probably doing some damage in the process). At the very least, it seemed to do some damage to my relationships with these parts.

Actually MEETING these parts has turned out to be a radically different process than learning about them was. It has been a process of years and building up trust. And yes, my original info was true, but it lacked DEPTH. My 4 or 5 main parts are so, so much more than the pithy information I originally had. Reducing them to some simple info on a list simply does not do them justice. Getting to know THEM and not facts about them has been a radical and humbling series of events. I am so much more connected to them now, and I am coming to love them as fully developed parts now. These 4-5 main parts were all ANPs at one point, and were around long enough to develop their own trauma before passing the torch to a new primary ANP. They really are fully developed, and it will be a long time before they integrate, if they ever do. Those alter lists also reduced the EPs as well though, reducing their trauma to words on a page, intellectualizing information that desperately needed to be experienced, felt, and processed. Again, nothing on those lists were wrong, and they had their own uses. But they were... awfully reductionistic and left me wholly unprepared for the complexity of those alters.

Getting the information on those lists from the mouths of the parts themselves means so, so much more than having the factual info. It is useful and has its place, I think, but its not an end-all, be-all.

Now to the tangent mentioned at the beginning. If I am only recently meeting these parts, how was I switching multiple times to talk to people online? Honestly? I do think that was a different part entirely. I think they knew each alter well enough to know how they would respond and fed me that information. I think it was a third party alter who was helping me adjust to the idea of having DID. Without the added stress of bridging the gap with these parts to genuinely interact with them. A form of exposure therapy, essentially, from one of my own parts. None of that info was WRONG, but again, it wasnt AUTHENTIC.

So this is how I've made sense of my journey with my personal growth and online communities. I would love to hear any thoughts, reflections, or experiences others have.

#actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #parts work

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looosey · 7 months

Text

Lucys Main Quest: Hireability

I work very hard. In fact, I'm working all the time. I work all the time very hard, but I'm still not hireable. I have very few hireable skills.

1. Hireable on Resume

When I look at my resume, I am pretty distant from it, because it has few lines of substance and even those lines I don't really resonate with.

The best possible read of my resume is: she can code python and has done so for MIT labs and classes. Okay???

But can she code a server? Has she ever deployed a personal website? Does she know how to use public API's? No... Can she solve coding challenges? No. (Is she passionate about anything she has learned so far at this institute?) [1]

To think I have to put in hours outside of school to achieve these things makes me sad. I spend most of my hours outside of classwork on dance, painting, cooking, reading, writing, listening to music, and traveling on MIT money. When @tumblasha and I talked about dream job assignments, mine was organizing Lollapalooza. It was not programming graphics, video, and music software for the entertainment industry (as is written on my resume).

2. Hireability at MIT

My friend recently switched her major to design (in her junior year of college), and that's changed her MIT experience 180 degrees for the better. Which is inspiring because imagine if you aligned all of MIT's resources to back what you're actually passionate in. You would be unstoppable. You could do anything you really wanted.

It would be a shame to let go of this opportunity, a shame to trickle down the path of least resistance. Because I'm hard working enough to manage the burden of the path, but not hard working enough to sit down and forge my own.

I wanted to write something about hireability since the beginning of this semester. MIT's career fair was last month, and even before that I had an inspiring coffee chat with an MIT alum/startup CEO (I stepped in for a friend who wasn't feeling good). This Friday, I went to Harvard's creative careers fair, which was a small thing held at the top floor of the smith center. It was small and exclusive, see side story [2]. But I met an artist manager from Chicago who worked with people on Lolla last year. An old white grandfather. A Bizarre exchange continued.

He was very interested in my passion about music work, I was interested in the fact that he worked on Lolla, and I handed him my resume which had a bunch of technical gibberish on it, and he told me that he hadn't thought about paying his interns this summer but this could change if needed.

It was bizarre because I didn't know what I wanted from that exchange. Would I drop everything and be okay with bringing nothing MIT-grade to the table as an entertainment hunchman?

3. The future of things

But all is not lost at the same time. Inklings of hope arose this semester. I'm working towards something, because my classes have FINALLY began to move from fundamentals/tools to how to use this tool to build something of your own design. I can finally speak creative stories because I have learned enough of the technical vocabulary. So now, it's the next step: if I had a portfolio full of work that would attract the right crowd what would it look like?

My goal by the end of this school year is to have a resume I am proud of. Not by Course 6 standards or industry standards. But my own. To have done personal projects I want to show off to people and a body of work that speaks for me.

[1] I feel this cognitive dissonance/out-of-body experience when I read my resume... Exactly like when someone asked me who my favorite artist was and I responded Sza. I was weirded out at myself because I felt like I was lying: yes, I listen to her enough, but like I can't name multiple albums of hers. I am not a fan fan. I am a fan fan of Tyler the Creator, Billie Eilish, and Ariana Grande. But they didn't come to my head at all. What is going on????

[2] Security stopped me on the first floor because I was an MIT student with an email invitation but was not on their registration form. They let my boyfriend with a Harvard guest ID through. Harvard Career Advisors stopped him on the tenth floor because it was for current registered students only and then told him "you can go sit at that chair over there though." And let me through. So much gatekeep.

#jobsearch #faang #mit #leetcode #coding #artists #college #hireability #lucys main quest

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luminousjellyfishy · 1 year

Text

This was a survey I took on Quotev, and it really helped me flesh out Ebon!

here it is!

My answers beneath the cut!

Heya, let's just begin, shall we? Okay, so let's start off simple. What's there name and name meaning?

Ebon. It's a shortened version of ebony, which is a wood of dark colouring.

100

How about there age?

100

Physical appearance?

A skeleton monster covered in corruption (teal and black goo). Dark grey sweater with blue accents. Light grey shorts with aqua sides. 4 tentacles come out of his back.

100

How do they act around others?

Very standoffish. They're fairly shy and don't like socializing. He may come off as rude, but does get along with close friends.

100

How do they act by themselves?

Silly, dances to his own music sort of thing.

100

Are they from a fandom or no?

Undertale

100

Any love interests?

Nope. Not as far as he's concerned anyways.

100

Have you submitted them to any OC groups?

I have no idea what an OC group is-

100

Do you have a published chapter story about them?

No, but I should. Good idea!

100

Published short stories?

I haven't personally, but my friend Squid has!

100

Do you use the character often?

Ebon is my main OC (even more than my sona, lol), so I use them a lot!

100

Have you ever made them in any avatar all of website?

Tumblr

100

Do you like the character?

YES

100

Do you draw them often?

Most definitely. I love my baby boy.

100

Do you write with them often?

I should, but alas, I do not.

100

Do they like horror?

Hmmm, not the biggest fan, but will watch with someone else just to see them scream.

100

What's there opinion on chocolate?

Put any form of chocolate in their sight, and POOF. It's gone.

100

Do they like cat ear headphones?

Only his parents know that their main set of headphones are cat-eared.

100

What about cat ear headbands?

Will wear them to mock other people.

100

What do they think of hair ribbons and accessories in general?

No hair, but does like putting bows on his head for fun and style.

100

Do they fall in love often?

100

Do they have any friends? If so, how many?

Star, Jupiter and Atlas are his outside family friends.

100

Do you remember when you made them? If so, when, or around when, did you?

July 15th, 2020. The baby is technically 2 years old ;-;

100

How much have they changed by your tweaking as a character maker?

Not much, when I first designed them, he had solid black tentacles, now (thanks to Firefly), they have teal tips.

100

How much have they changed by character development?

I mean, when I first made him, they didn't have much of an overall "character", it was just facts about them. Now I feel like he's a lot more fleshed out.

100

Do they have a team for something? Are they in a club?

If they were allowed to go to an actual school, then he wouldn't join anything other than Trivia club. He loves general knowledge, and sucks at sports.

100

What's their friend group like?

Chaotic.

100

Are they the precious one, the smart one, the mom friend, the friend who's constantly staring at their phone?

I'd like to say either the smart one or the one always on their phone.

100

What do they think of peanut butter and peanuts?

Disgusting.

100

Do they like circuses?

No, it creeps him out.

100

Their opinion on lung diseases? (Such as pneumonia, the pneumatic plague, tuberculosis)

They spread negativity, so he finds it funny when someone is suffering.

100

Do they like to draw? If so, what do they draw?

He thinks he's amazing, but he actually sucks. Don't tell them.

100

What are their hobbies and interests?

He can play violin, and they like writing *cough* fanfic *cough*. He is also trying to learn how ton knit. They love sweet anything, and tries to cook, but kinda sucks.

100

What's their room look like?

Space ceiling with those glow-in-the-dark stars, and dark purple walls. Bed has dark teal pillows, sheets are dark purple, blankets are black with teal stripes going in cross hatch like pattern.

100

Do they like, dislike, or are completely neutral to, shopkins?

Neutral.

100

What do they think of long surveys like this?

Boring and a waste of time.

100

Anything they'd love to share but just aren't confident to? If so, what is it?

He would love to tell people that they're lonely, but he knows that it's for the best.

100

What's their diet like?

It would be all sweets if it wasn't for his parents forcing him to eat normal foods.

100

Are they insulted often?

If he went out into the Multiverse ever, then yes they would be. He is the son of the two most hated beings in the Multiverse, so people would hate him too, if anyone knew about him.

100

Were they ever bullied?

They would've been for his appearance if he had ever been to an actual school or been in the real world outside their home.

100

Are you worried they're to similar to another character in any aspect?

I know that he is a shipchild, so they should be fairly similar to Nightmare, but I fear they might be too alike.

100

What's their home life like?

The whole family gets along well, and it's an overall good home life.

100

How are things at work and/or school?

N/A

100

Their favorite animal?

Not surprisingly, an octopus.

100

Most annoying thing to them?

When people are feeling overly positive emotions (he's an empath)

100

Worst life experience?

Corruption at age 6

100

Best life experience?

Aftermath of corruption when he figured that they now had tentacles.

100

What would absolutely break them? What would it take? Has it already happened?

If his twin sister, Naima, died. It did happen sort of, because when she corrupted when they were 6 years old, she went blind, and that killed a part of Ebon since Naima never acted the same way again.

100

Would would make them an egotistical snob of sorts?

Ebon is very much an egotistical prick. He is incredibly full of himself in personal opinions. They don't express so forwardly like his father (Error), but his self opinion is very high.

100

What do they think of characters with red eyes and black hair with a mostly red and black color scheme are other wise original?I Nozomi: Why does the color scheme thing sound so familiar?

He doesn't really care about those types of characters, they exist everywhere, so it's kinda hard for him to like them when they are aren't original.

100

Do they like to write? If so, what do they write?

FANFIC

100

If they watch YouTube, what would be the first six video titles to pop up in their recommended if you looked right now?

1. Vines - Try Not To Laugh 2. Memes 3. Animation memes for Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 4. Anime 5. Remixes of songs they like 6. Gacha memes

100

Do they like green beans?

He doesn't mind them.

100

How about corn?

Loves

100

Do they have an improper diet?

Candy, that's all I'll say. Candy

100

Are they a joke character?

Nope

100

How's their life been like? (I mean backstory)

He corrupted at 6 years old (A very painful experience, they still have scars on their lower back from where the tentacles came out). They grew up in isolation (excluding household family), not going to school or talking to people outside his house. Other than those,

100

Do they chew gum while they work on things?

Nope, they can't stand the texture of any type of gum.

100

Do they have good observational skills?

Yes. Ebon will watch people very closely, and use their fears against them later.

100

do they speak multiple languages? How many? Which ones?

English, but they're learning French and Spanish.

100

K-Pop of J-Pop?

J-Pop

100

Rap or slow music?

Slow music

100

Do they even like music?

Yup! He loves listening to it whenever he's busy.

100

Their thoughts on romance?

he's demibiromantic asexual, so romance is pretty cool to them.

100

Write them inner monologue as if you were them.

"Chocolate? Is that chocolate? I think it is... shit, dad's coming and it's probably his chocolate..." *steals it and runs*

100

Their first pet?

Not Ebon's personal pet, but Killer's cat, Mish Mish. It was the pet the gang has ever owned.

100

Do they even like animals?

He likes sea animals, but not really land animals.

100

What do they think of puppets and ventriloquist's?

Really cool. His dad (Error) plays with/makes puppets and is a very skilled ventriloquist, so Ebon is practicing to be the same, so far, the practice is going incredibly well.

100

Are they obsessive about grammar? How much do they care about it?

Just like his dad (Nightmare), he is OBSESSED with correcting grammar.

100

Pretending you were them, write their most embarrassing moment.

"I can't believe I just did that. I literally just started playing a meme in front of my parents-"

100

Being you again, write their most embarrassing moment.

A couple years ago (12 years old), Ebon was getting pretty skilled with violin, but was also pretty into meme songs. While he was performing a song they had just learned for his parents, the notes sounded similar to a meme, and switched to that song instead of the other one.

100

If they were here with you right now watching you fill this out, would they be bored?

More bored than any other time.

100

Do they think I'm a robot?

Probably.

100

Does the idea of me being a robot sound appealing to them?

Nah, Ebon couldn't care less about robots.

100

Do they like robots?

He likes breaking them apart (Mettaton).

100

Spear mint, winter green, sweet mint, pepper mint, or chocolate mint?

They have no idea what the difference is.

100

What one word best describes them?

Cunning

100

Do they trust Google translate?

Not really, it doesn't help much compared to his parents.

100

Do they know the difference between Google and a Google Plex?

Yes

100

Do they even watch YouTube?

YES

100

Are they ever online?

All the time, they enjoy Tumblr

100

Do they play video games?

Sometimes, he's good at beat saber, and bullet hell games.

100

Any siblings? What are they like?

Ayla (Horrordust) is his older sister, and Kukri (Kross) is his younger sister.

100

What are their parents like?

Biological parents are evil (towards other people), but at home they love all 3 of the children.

100

Do they favour mom over dad or dad over mom or neither?

They don't prefer either, but Ebon has a closer bond with Nightmare than with Error because they've both corrupted ans they both like reading. They just get along more.

100

Are they interested in the world around them?

Not really, he just likes helping to destroy the world around them.

100

How many love interests have they had as canon is in their story?

None.

100

How many love interests have they ever had, whether or not you kept the idea of them liking that character?

None lol

100

I'm going to give you a list of taboo and somewhat disgusting subjects, feel free to skip. What do they think of these?

Incest Cannibalism Bestiality Cheating

Disgusted by incest and bestiality, he doesn't understand cheating (never been exposed to it) and cannibalism is normal to them (Horror)

100

Oh look we only have the questions left? How do you feel? How would they feel if they were filling this out?

Grateful it's almost over.

100

What are their dreams like?

They don't tend to dream a lot, but when they do, they're often nightmares.

100

Do they often have lucid dreams?

100

Worst dream (no, not nightmare, dream) they've ever had?

They were forgotten in a Universe that was crumbling to death.

100

Best dream they've ever had?

They don't have good dreams all too often, so every non-nightmare is a good one.

100

Worst nightmare they've ever had.

Parents and siblings were killed by the Star Sanses and Ebon was forced to live by himself in hiding.

100

Best nightmare they've ever had?

No good nightmares, but if we're going to get technical, then any nightmare they inflict on others in a good one to Ebon.

100

What's their sense of humour like?

Funny to his family, but other people would find it concerning.

100

How do their friends treat them? How does their significant other (if they have one) treat them?

They only have two outside of home friends, and they're both family... so... uh... Technically no non-family friends?

100

Their thoughts on love?

Open to it, but needs to find someone interesting enough.

100

Now, are you proud of them. And, thank you for taking my survey.

Of course I am!! I love Ebon so much and I'm incredibly proud!

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leffee · 2 months

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Alrighty let’s answer some of these

So I’m hoping the word you were looking for was dashboard for the car thing lol that’s the only thing that came to mind.

I also just had something come to mind with the letters what if after writing everything out feelings and all he burns them in the fire he like so much kinda like getting it all out of his head and then watching it burn 🔥🔥🔥

I get it lol I don’t speak another language so when you brought that up it made so much sense (props to anyone who can speak more then one you are amazing!) so what came to mind after reading that is I could see Russell also going to outside sources to learn as well like books, websites like duo lingo that teach you and google but Russell would hype Vinnie up as his main teacher to make him happy and excited that he’s needed and that he knows something Russell doesn’t and he can finally teach him something for a change.

He would definitely try to learn Hindi but I feel like it would be asking Sunil curse words first and once he got that down it would be other things like hello, I love you, bye,wanna cuddle? Things of anything else that he would use daily.

His hair has always been back and forth with me I’ve pictured it long, med, short in different styles I feel like for me there are other times I can see him with long hair! But I can’t help but picture his little short cut over anything. But question for you do you picture him falling more with his long hair tripping wise? I also love the fact that the long hair idea would give him so many style options in general I can also see him rocking the man bun, braids ect.

Ok the watch thing came about when I got the idea that since Russell already messes with inventing electronic things it only made sense that he would have the idea to solve a problem that they were constantly facing when Vinnie would more often then not have to get his temperature taken or be brought indoors for a bit to warm up and everyone being worried about him even though he’s oblivious to the danger he puts himself in because he just wants to be play outside with minka and pepper in a snow.

~Alright the toxic moms/girlfriend/ women will probably be it’s own thing~

I hope I didn’t miss anything let me know if I did haha

Hello, it is I, talking endlessly about my blorbo again

Yeash, I think it was that - dashboard, sounds right. English hard ;-; plus it's not like I know anything about car parts anyway, but yeah, probably that, he puts his pretty feet on that :]

Oh yes yes, a classic but it works nicely with that headcanon that he likes fire and seeing things burn :) burn those feelings away aha. I actually used to not believe this whole "write your feelings and they won't bother you as much" but then I started writing fanfics and you know what? There were certain plots that were haunting me for long long time, but then when I wrote a fic about them those thought stopped coming so often, so I can comfirm that writing about your feelings in a journal or something will actually genunely work. It worked for fanfic scenarios for me at least, they jut kinda dissipated uuu

Yeah yeah, I think Russell would definitely have to use other things to learn properly. I mean, there's a difference between knowing how to do something and knowing how to teach someone to do it, like I know how to swim, but would I be able to teach someone from 0 how to swim? Nah, I doubt it. Oh, but him hyping Vinnie up as his main teacher is absolutely precious! Vinnie just wants to feel important and needed, you know? And you're so right! That would be probably first time when Vinnie knows something that Russell does not and that realization would make Vinnie feel so blissful, since it's usually the other way around, I can absolutely see that.

Yeah lmao he would absolutely ask about curse words first, definitely. I can just imagine Sunil being like: "You want to learn Hindi? Oh, that's great, so "hello" is-." and then Vinnie interrupts him with, "No, no, how is "fuck"?" "...What." "How do I say fuck in Hindi?". And I just love the indication that Vinnie asks on a daily basis "wanna cuddle?" yes yes, that's important to know.

Oh me too, I think he looks great in all sorts of hair styles and lenghts, but the long down one is just my favourite and how I primarly imagine him. Would he fall over more due to his long hair is a good question actually. But no, I don't believe so, I never thought about that really but I wouldn't say so. It's not that long to really get in his legs' way, it is however easy to get his fingers tangled in his hair for Vinnie if he wants to scratch his back or example. And yes yes, his hair being long gives him soo many style options and I think Zoe (being Zoe) and Minka (being the group's impromptu hairdresser) would love trying out different hairstyles on him. He's the best option since literally five of them have short hair and Pepper who has long hair (shorter than him though) does not let them just sit her down and try our different styles for hours, Vinnie does though. Vinnie hair is important~

Yeah, I remember your headcanon that Russell makes robots so he already knows something about mechanics like that, good good, yes, it makes sense. W a i t. Ideaaaaa. So if it checks his temperature what if it also announced out loud if his temperature was really low or really high, like dangerously. And then, at some point when he's with Russell and let's say they're about to kiss (going with Vinnie x Russell) that watch is just loudly "Tempearute dangerously high" and Vinnie's like "p[skdaspjod" because it basically just announced out loud that he's flustered. Oh yes, Leffee likes that idea.

Alright, that's all, I don't believe you missed anything :D. The one I was most curious about was the toxic women in his life part so I shall wait for that ^^.

#asks #lps 2012

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positivestepshealth · 5 months

Text

New Year, New Diet…

It’s nearly January, and that time of year again when you tell yourself ‘New Year, New me’. Did you know the most common New Year’s resolutions are weight loss linked? Did you also know that up to 80% fail?

With all the right intentions, you go ‘all in’ on the latest diet and fitness trend for 4-6 weeks, but just as quickly as it started, it’s all over and you’re back to your old habits, and then say ‘I’ll do a ‘Summer cut actually’, and around we go….

Does that sound familiar? If you really want 2024 to be the year you make lasting changes to your health and fitness, please read on.

How to lose weight fast

Did you know on average 100,000 people search the ‘how to lose weight fast’ plus a whole keep of variations with the same sort of search volume?

How to lose belly fat

‘How to lose belly fat’/ ‘How do you lose stomach fat’ / ‘How to get rid of fat belly’ are other terms searched on Google by 300,000 people per month!

The above sounded a little harsh, I don’t mean to be. However, sometimes we need hard truths – the reason you are failing is because of one keyword I used ‘TREND’. These diet/fitness/health trends are not long-sustainable habits, they are there for the wow factor; the ‘magic answer’ to all your weight loss woes is a new fun and exciting way to get the body of your dreams in no time.

I am sorry to be the one to tell you, but that doesn’t exist. To achieve the body of your dreams and your fitness goals takes work. It’s made up of an accumulation of lots of health habits built over time until they are ingrained into your day-to-day life. I am also sorry to be the one to tell you, it’s nothing new or exciting, in fact, it’s often boring. The same types of exercise, the same types of food, getting good sleep, drinking water etc…

So how about a new challenge for 2024, start the new year by adding the following 5 habits into your day-to-day life. Without fail for 6 weeks, if you can do that start adding more and more until you achieve the lifestyle and health goals you set out for.

If you of course feel like you need that extra guidance we’re here to HELP, but for now, just do these 5 things and then let’s talk some more:

Walking

Get your steps in! I told you it’s boring, but it’s true. Start adding at least 1 walk into your daily routine, that could be a quick 15 minutes at lunchtime or it could be a good hour after dinner. Walk is the best thing you can add to your life, it’s free, and it can be done anywhere and anytime. It’s not only a great form of exercise but I promise you it will do wonders for your mental health too, if you are in a relationship take your spouse at the end of the day and catch up on your day – no phone, just talking – I know, a wild concept, but it works!

Don’t lie to yourself, yes you do have time!

Drink Water

Get that ‘high-quality H20’ down ya! (If you don’t know this reference, I’m afraid we can’t be friends! Unfortunately, I can’t put gifs on our website for fear of copyright, so click HERE instead please) I am actually passionate about hydration, I could be The Water Girl! You won’t see me without a bottle of water, and everyone who’s ever spent time with me will attest to my water bossiness!

Joking aside, it’s so critical to a healthy body and mind for that matter, so your challenge in the next 6 weeks is to buy one of THESE and drink the whole thing daily. Slow and steady throughout the day.

Water facts

1 – Water & Weight: Adequate water intake may suppress your appetite and boost your metabolism, which contributes to changes on the scale.

2 – Water & Muscles: Water plays a vital function in our muscle gain because it delivers the materials required for constructing protein and glycogen structures, the body’s main sources of energy. So not only does it allow better freedom of movement, but also helps you build muscles good enough for flexing!

3 – Water & Skin: Keeping your body hydrated can reduce wrinkles, yes girl you heard that right! Water keeps your body hydrated and refreshed and helps maintain your skin’s elasticity. In fact, it’s said that people who drink large amounts of water are less likely to suffer from scars and wrinkles, looking generally more youthful!

4 – Water & Mental Health: Some studies have shown that people who regularly drink less water are more likely to develop depression and anxiety. Due to the effects of dehydration on the brain, I’m not a doctor or scientist so I’m linking out to THIS on this one!

Get your 8 hours of sleep

Again I told you this wasn’t going to be exciting, a healthy body and lifestyle isn’t complete without good rest and sleep! You’ll see those social media memes from the fittest-looking people, they are in bed by 9 pm. For years now, me and Luke have been in bed by 9, we get a solid 8 hours plus, and I’m confident it’s had the biggest impact on my mind & body. I’ve written another blog about establishing a good wind-down routine HERE, have a read.

There is actually a lot of evidence to suggest that poor sleep can reduce losing weight. There have been studies which show people with good sleep can lose more than people with poor sleep quality.

So let’s get you tucked up and asleep at a reasonable time for 6 weeks, aiming for 8 hours!

Small and achievable changes to your diet

This will of course depend on your current diet and your goals.

Firstly start using apps like MyFitnessPal which can be incredibly useful for understanding your eating habits and what your calories and macros are looking like currently to understand what needs to be changed.

Secondly establish an eating routine, whereby you eat 3 solid meals daily and regular snacks, so you don’t have spikes in your blood sugar and you don’t end up being RAVENOUS at the end of the day and binge.

Tips for weight control

1- Regular or binge drinking has no place on any healthy diet, yes everything in moderation so 1 beer or a glass of wine with Friday’s dinner is fine! Let’s really get this one in check before anything else, especially after the Christmas period where it may have made a bigger presence.

2 – If weight loss is your goal, let’s start with baby steps. Let’s start with looking at your liquid calories, more often than not people are unknowingly drinking their calories. Not even acknowledging them, they are empty and if you give me the choice of a 500-calorie latte and a filling meal I know what I’m picking.

So maybe your 6-week challenge is to only drink black coffee and water? You’d be shocked by what that alone can do.

3 – Maybe you eat too much fast food, so your challenge can be to each more fresh home-cooked meals with good quality protein and vegetables.

You know your diet, you’re not oblivious. You know where these small positive steps can come in!

Set yourself an achievable exercise plan

Once you’ve done this for 6 weeks let’s add more on!

I hope this has been helpful, as always we are here to support you with your goals. Just get in touch to arrange your FREE consultation! Wishing you all the best in 2024, thanks for reading Francesca 🧡

#counseling #eating disoder recovery #fitness #mental health #wellness #diet #newyear #health

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aisha-ot · 7 months

Text

Hey guys, Aisha here, back with another twist on this weeks blog. Look at me being all creative 🤌🏼

So I watched a movie over this so called “vacation” we had from campus, and it’s called ‘Love and Other Drugs’ with the main characters being the never aging Goddess Anne Hathaway and *trigger warning* Jake Gyllenhaal. Yes, I’m sorry my fellow Swifties but this week’s blog is gonna be talking about our least favorite ex of Taylor’s so I suggest everyone hold onto their scarves and sit tight because this is going to be an emotional rollercoaster…

Ok so, let me start by giving you guys a quick explanation of what the movie’s all about. Anne Hathaway plays the main female character named Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal plays the main male character named Jamie. There’s a few subplots that you follow throughout the movie like the whole pharmaceutical industry plot line and of course the romance between Maggie and Jamie but the main subplot I’d like to touch on is about Parkinson’s disease. Throughout the entire movie, Maggie is struggling to cope with the recent diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease and it looks at how the diagnosis is starting to affect her mentally, physically and emotionally. Now I don’t want to sound like one of those movie review websites that explains the entire movie from start to finish so here’s a link that’ll tell you everything about the movie if you don’t want to watch it. If you do want to watch it I suggest you save this blog, watch the movie and then come back because there might be some spoilers lower down. Ooh and, before I forget, this is not a movie for kid’s due to some very … adult scenes … so please make sure your kids are playing with Lego’s or something, I don’t know, just keep them away from the tv please 🙏🏼

Back to the whole Parkinson’s story. Gosh, some scenes in this movie wrecked me. Anne Hathaway portrayed the role of Maggie with Parkinson’s so well it pulled at your heart strings whenever she was struggling. Now I know we’ve probably all heard of Parkinson’s disease but I’m sure some of us are just like oh that’s the disease with the shaky hands and think that’s it. Well my friends, yes it does include tremors and shaky hands but there are so many more symptoms and complications of Parkinson’s that are cognitive, emotional and behavioral along with physical. You can click the link below to have a quick read about it.

I think one of the reasons as to why I was so drawn to this movie is because of the fact that not even 4 days ago I was given a new client in the old age home I’m placed in who is diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. And I could relate the movie back to the client but it gave me a much deeper insight and understanding into the emotional aspect of the diagnosis. I know Maggie and my client aren’t the same age but there was also a time when my client was going through what she was going through and my heart breaks to think about how the diagnosis must have affected my client. It also gave me so many questions that I’d like my client to answer that will help me understand him and his emotions better which will also help me facilitate and plan his intervention sessions well.

My client is so cool guys, he walks around with his walker and a little speaker playing music wearing his hat and sunglasses. I love it. But after watching this movie I can’t help but think about what’s deeper beneath the surface behind his sunglasses, behind his playfulness and socializing personality. There is so much I need to understand to help me move further in my intervention.

Throughout the beginning of the movie we see Maggie starting to slowly struggle with her symptoms. There is this specific scene where Jamie leaves Maggie’s apartment after being shot down after his confession of love and Maggie tries to pick up her glass of water but her muscle weakness and the tremors in her hand cause her to drop the glass and she just crumbles to the floor and breaks down sobbing and Jamie rushes back in to hold and comfort her. Wow guys. I think I finished one whole box of tissues after that scene. I know we all like to watch movies to switch off from reality but this entire movie just kept bringing me back to my placement and my client. Seeing how vulnerable Maggie was in that moment made me think about how my client may have had these moments in the past. He told me that it was his choice to come and live in the old age home but after watching this movie there are so many things I need to figure out behind his emotions and journey through his disease.

We can even look at how Maggie consistently tried and tried to push away any possibility of a relationship with Jamie and understand the emotional and psychological struggle of always feeling like a burden when you’re diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. My client told me that it was his decision to move into the old age home but he didn’t go into any further detail. This got me thinking though, was it because he felt like he didn’t want to be a burden to his children ? His children live outside of Durban and they rarely visit him so there could also be a possibility that his children couldn’t or even didn’t want to take care of him. There are so many battles one has to face with Parkinson’s and I’m learning now that I need to dig so much deeper into my clients emotions to develop that foundation of empathy and trust between us.

We can also see in the movie that even after Maggie and Jamie get together, Maggie’s anxiety, depressive symptoms and her fear of being dependent on someone else places such a heavy strain on their relationship that it eventually breaks off. My client told me he was divorced from his wife but he didn’t mention anything more and in the moment I didn’t think to ask him further questions because the thought didn’t occur to me that his diagnosis may have played a role in it. Gosh, I don’t think you guys understand how stupid I felt after watching that movie. Not because of how little I knew about Parkinson’s but because I was so oblivious to just how much of an emotional toll it can take on someone.

Maggie also faces a lot of problems with her medication. I’m not going to bore you with the many medications available for Parkinson’s but I will mention that each and every single one of them have side effects. I’ll link a website below where you can read up on some of the medications and the side effects are there as well because there are way too many to list. It’s just another aspect of the movie that makes you understand the amount of struggles someone with Parkinson’s has to go through. I mean how many have I listen already ? Physical symtoms, emotional and psychological effects, anxiety, depression etc. the list goes on. And now we add their medication on top of everything. Taking medication should be helping relieve your symptoms yet in order to do that there still needs to be suffering with other factors like nausea, dyskinesia and hallucination.

💡Ooh this actually reminded me about a precaution I need to take when I see my client. I need to check up on his meds and any side effects he’s facing. Noted.

Then there’s the scene where Maggie goes to a sort of group session with many people that are diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Different people take turns to come up and diss the struggles they’re facing with Parkinson’s like buttoning up a shirt, brushing their teeth, drinking soup and tying their shoelaces etc. And then there’s also moments where some people come up and explain that being diagnosed with Parkinson’s is a daily struggle of trying to maintain a sense of dignity and grace in society. Oof. Tears. Tissues. Runny nose. All the works. It also panned to Maggie’s face every once in a while and showed her crying when she realized the pain and struggle that everyone goes through and also that she’s not alone. 💡 Maybe I need to work on something like that for my client. If there are a few residents that are diagnosed with Parkinson’s, the home can create a Parkinson’s group that runs once a week where everyone can come together to cry and laugh about their struggles which will also lift the burden of social isolation.

In the movie Maggie says "I can't sit around and wait for this to consume me. I can't let it rob me of the person I was meant to be” and I think this gives me such great motivation behind my planning for different intervention sessions for my client. Yes, I know he’s much older but that doesn’t mean he can’t live his life to the fullest and be the person he’s always wanted to be. Parkinson’s is like a disease that is always trying to eat away at someone’s cognitive, psychological, emotional and physical functioning but I know for a fact that I, as an Occupational Therapist can resist that toll through using meaningful activities that keep my client true to himself and that could maybe even reminisce to his younger days and make him feel more in control of his life.

I cannot explain to you how eye opening this movie was guys, I mean yes the love story was amazing as well and the acting was 10/10 but the number of connections I was making throughout the movie to my experience at the old age home with my client was insane. You’d just hear little gasps every time something clicked in my head and I was left contemplating my entire OT role. I hope you guys enjoyed the movie as much as I did and I’m sorry if you haven’t watched the movie and I gave you some spoilers. But I promise you, nothing I have said does the movie justice, give it a watch and come back to re read this you’ll see what I’m saying.

I hope this weeks blog was a good one. I certainly enjoyed it. And don’t stress guys, this isn’t turning into a movie review blog, I don’t think I’ll have any time after this week to even touch the tv remote 🥲 But I’ll be back next week with another theme and another long rant about who knows what. See ya there 🫶🏼

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pgross144-blog · 1 year

Text

OPINIONS MATTER!!!!........

TIME TO RANT!!!!

Because Facebook Won't Let me!!! But lets gay men create new accounts and stalk me!! My messenger was revoked for THREE DAYS!!! No warning or reason!!! All I said was my account was hacked!!!

FUCK the ZUCK!! ARREST MARK COCKSUCKERBURG!!! He condemns your account for "hate speech" against who...

I'LL let YOU not MARK ZUCKERBERG DECIDE THIS TIME if this is Facebook worthy or "HATE SPEECH"!!!!

LET'S DIVE IN!!

For those who can't read why I wrote for name on card...

"Fuck You I'm entitled to what you know about me NOW!!!"

Truer words have never been said!!!!

This rant is about unfair business practice!!!

1st off capitalism shouldnt be a system for this type of nonsense... inflation is sky high, in a system where this type nonsense is allowed we SHOULD and COULD ban inflation!!! We could force (ALL!!!! yes ALL) businesses big or small to simply and SHARPLY drop the prices for their GOODS AND SERVICES! Set a fixed price for EVERYTHING!!!

The Great Depression was the worst economic crisis our country has EVER been through AND you mean to tell me my pocket change was WORTH something then!!!! NEED the list for perspective...

1. THEN... Double feature and Stage show 11 cents..

NOW... I'm guessing for a measly 1 show you pay 25+ dollars!! you do get a reclining seat that (almost) works for the price!!

2. THEN... Candy 1 Cent..

NOW...$1.25 is very cheap these days even for "Share Size" aka "shortchange size" Haribo which if you want better go to CVS to get a true "share size" for $3.25 because the portions are reduced at the Dollar (Twenty Five) Tree... even the candy friend got me yesterday $4.50!!! FOUR DOLLARS and FIFTY CENTS This is not even movie size!!! This a double Reeses yes 2 (TWO) large cups!!!

3. Lastly the most damning...

1 reasonably priced CAR!!!!...

THEN... any guesses $100 or $200?? (too low) or $5000?? (way too high) think, think, think oh wow lets assess (take a zero off thats better) $500 yes I wrote that correctly FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! SOME setback!!!

NOW... $31,000 easy is what it costs now.... for a stripped to the bone Toyota SUV (because god knows you wont own the road without it!!!) (or have as much or enough space to match your neighbors loaded $65,000 gmc) WTF!!!

I would give it ALL UP!!, whatever it takes, if i could bring all my NOW USELESS pocket change and never run out of money never go hungry to live in 1930s because.....

Capitalism can EASILY survive in a system like this REALLY??? with $25 plus movie, $1.25 or $4.50 candy, $31,000 toyota...

NOPE!!! im talking about the society were 11 cent movies..., 1 cent candy and $500 cars exist!!!

Now people could say I'm CRAZY but the TRUTH is evident that we once lived in a society were pocket change WASN'T USELESS!!!

So WTF changed!! Inflation and COVID are simply no longer a working excuse anymore!!!

Time to fix this economy honestly like congress needs to pass a bill that fixes a price limit on all categories of goods and services! That would completely destroy and eliminate the concept of "overpriced" and "overcharging". Like my sneakers costed $1.00 or $2.00 to make!!! That's ONE DOLLAR OR TWO DOLLARS!!!

I was with someone fueling their car today gas prices are $4.05... A GALLON, it simply doesn't matter anymore!!! End price to fuel the WHOLE TANK.... $68.97 that's SIXTY EIGHT DOLLARS AND NINETY SEVEN CENTS!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I YEARN FOR THE DAYS IT WAS $50.00 EASY!!! BUT AGAIN MY OPINION NEVER MATTERED!!

MAIN POINT.....

The inspiration for this post was the fact I couldn't do a simple background check on myself on a website that had stated locations of me that I have honestly been before!! REALLY now what does FREE even mean anymore they claim to be a FREE service!! TAKE THE "R" OUT DUMMIES!!! "FEE" SERVICE SOUNDS MORE THE FUCK LIKE IT!!! LET ME GROW MY MONEY ON MY MONEY TREE DUMMIES!!!

THEIR RHETORIC....

"Oh it isn't hard to earn a single dollar "

"Oh we know, you wish you knew what we know for free"

"BUT GUESS WHAT DUMMY!!"

"OPEN YOUR WALLET!!! EVEN IF YOU CAN'T!!!

BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO PAY, PAY, PAY!!! EVEN IF THE PRICE ISN'T RIGHT!!!!

EVEN IF YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO HOW WE HAVE STALKED YOUR EVERY MOVE!!!!!

MY RHETORIC....

"THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO UNFAIR ENTITLEMENT, NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!"

"I OFFICIALLY NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS CONTAINED IN MY "REPORT" BECAUSE FOR..

NOT A CENT" THAT'S THE GOOD OLD GOOD OLD PRICE OF $2.95 HOW BOUT A DOLLAR $1.50 FINAL OFFER!!!! THAT SHOULD OK RIGHT??????

WRONG!!!!!!!!

FREE, ZERO, ZILCH, NADA....

EVER HEARD OF THIS PRICE?????

ZERO DOLLARS (AND IT GETS BETTER) ZERO CENTS!!!!

THATS FOR IN NUMBERS....

$0.00..... REALLY??????

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY.... ARE YOU SURE THOUGH THAT'S THATS PROFIT LOSS RIGHT????

"NOPE!!!!!!!" BUT IN SHORT "YES" BECAUSE CAPITALISM CAN'T SURVIVE IN SYSTEM LIKE THAT RIGHT????

WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!! BECAUSE GUESS WHAT????

IT CAN!!!!!! IT'S CALLED SOCIALISM AND IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM!!!! SO DUMMIES STOP ELECTING THESE

REPUBLICANS WHO "GOT THEIRS SO GO GET YOURS"

AND....

DEMOCRATS WHO DON'T DO SHIT THAT SAY AND BARELY KEEP PROMISES

WAIT WHO DO I VOTE FOR?????

I DON'T IM NOT A POLITICIAN I WRITE TUMBLR POSTS OF COURSE!!!!! I VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS BECAUSE I HOPE ONE DAY A PROMISE WILL KEPT...

AND...

THAT WILL TRULY MAKE OUR COUNTRY "GREAT"

I KNOW RIGHT.... IT'S REALLY POSSIBLE WITH ORANGE TONED, TOUPE' MAN, "CORRUPT", NAME CALLING, DRUNK, SCANDAL DRIVEN, DECEPTIVELY NOT CLEVER BUSINESS MAN WHO WENT BANKRUPT 5+ TIMES, GUN-NUT, RACIST, FACIST, I RAN FOR PRESIDENT SO SOON BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT I DO IM ALWAYS ABOVE THE LAW (EVEN THOUGH YOU AREN'T ACTUALLY) PATHETIC, DISHONORABLE EXCUSE FOR A PRESIDENT, NEGATIVE ATTENTION SEEKER, SOLE DESTROYER OF THE U.S.A., SEX OFFENDING - SO I PUT ONE ON THE SUPREME COURT!!!..... WHO COULD IT BE I STILL DON'T KNOW??? WHY CAN'T I.... TOO LATE HIS ASSHOLENESSS A.K.A.

DONALD JOHN TRUMP!!!!!

CASE CLOSED....

OR IS IT EVER?

(AGAIN AS ALWAYS)

I'LL LET YOU DECIDE

(END)

FIN

#CREATE A 3 PARTY SYSTEM

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my-darling-boy · 3 years

Note

Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!”, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can’t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don’t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

#like this isn’t even half of what I want to say #but I’m gonna stop cos this is So Long #no clowns in my inbox pls #long post #ableism #autism #actually autistic #ok to rb

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sultanah · 3 years

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tips on writing arab characters

first let’s cover the main mistake people make: what is an arab?

an arab is generally any person whose lineage comes from an arabic-speaking country. some examples: Algeria, Bahrain, Comoros, Djibouti, Egypt, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Mauritania, Morocco, Oman, Palestine, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, Tunisia, the United Arab Emirates and Yemen.

now that you know what your character is (if you were aiming for east asian/south asian this is your cue to leave and educate yourself!) let’s talk about some important factors of an arab character.

decide what country they are from: this is ridiculously important! each arab country has a unique history and their cultures vary DRASTICALLY! it is extremely offensive to take bits and pieces of different cultures from various arab countries and stuff them all into one character. so first choose from where exactly your character hails. note: if you are writing in a fantasy world, this still applies! look into your specific country of choice and work around that.

not all arabs are muslims: while islam has greatly influenced arab culture, muslims and arabs are not synonymous. islam is a religion, arab is a lineage. if you choose to make your character muslim, be mindful of that religion, and if not, do not give the character islamic attributes (ie: hijabs, islamic names)

on naming your character:

first names: once again, be mindful of the character’s religion here. many names that have come to be associated with arabs are in fact islamic in origin (mohammed, abdullah, aabid...) look for arabic names and check the meaning and origin to be sure (here and here are some good websites that give definition and origin). arabic names generally do not have nicknames. yes even ‘mo’ for ‘mohammed’ or ‘al’ for ‘ali’ are all a foreigner’s look on arabic names. they don’t work. don’t use them.

middle names: arabs generally do not have middle names (which is to say, they aren’t assigned any at birth) instead, the child’s father’s name is their second name. so ahmed, son of salim would be ‘ahmed salim’ rather than be given an entirely new name.

last names: the last name of any arab is their father’s last name. generally, a married woman keeps her own last name rather than change it to her husband’s, and the children inherit their father’s name.

fashion: once again this differs entirely based on what country you’ve chosen but also please mind the year! if your novel is set in the equivalent of the 1800s traditional big turbans have been out of fashion for centuries!! more modern clothing can include checkered turbans that are worn by men and draped on the head, set in place by igal. but again, this depends on the country of choice. kuffiyehs are more symbolically worn in countries like palestine, syria and jordan. here and here are more in-depth descriptions.

the arabic language: arabic differs drastically from english in regards to grammar so using a translator site isn’t going to cut it. the main reason for this is that there each arabic country has its own dialect, and while some are similar, they all have obvious differences. a translator will give you the official arabic, which isn’t used in day-to-day speech. my advice is to have an arab speaker read through your lines before publishing.

stereotypes: for a bit of background, it was an arab (Al-Haitham) that became one of the first founders of modern optics by creating the first camera. an arab (Ibn Firnas) who first attempted flight. arabs invented the numbers currently used all around the world (yes 0-9 were created by an arab named al-Khwarizmi!) so let me tell you it is extremely disrespectful, hurtful, and downright wrong when arabs are presented as uncivilized, uneducated, and violent in books and media. keep this in mind while writing your character.

more than sand and camels: while many arabs hail from the desert and indeed a good many travels were taken via camel, that does not mean your arab character is required to know this. not all arabic countries are deserts. not all arabs own camels. if you must give them a form of travel, an often overlooked talent of arabs was horse-riding, and some of the best breeds of horse are arabian, so look into that instead!

misogynism and homophobia: this is a harmful arabic stereotype bred from the misunderstanding of islamic values. hijab/niqab (head and face covers) are the chosen form of dress for muslim women (though once again not all arabs are muslims!) along with many other values held by muslim men and women, there are cultural influences some arabs hold that are mistranslated by western countries. i might make a separate post about this alone, but just be mindful about this as you are writing your character. don’t make the girl oppressed and in need of saving. don’t make the guy sexist and arrogant.

war is not culture, it’s circumstance: the middle east has generally come to be associated with war and pain, a circumstance of which no one is happy about. this does not mean that your character should desire violence, wish to inflict pain, come from an abusive family, desire war, come from a background of war. these are all offensive and just another painful reminder of how the west sees arabs. if your character fits into any of those categories, now is the time to fix that.

if anything remains unclear, shoot me an ask!

#mine:writing advice #t:arab characters #writing tips #writing advice #arab characters #writerblr #mine*

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

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The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 6

Hannibal sits in on a regular conversation between y/n and her family. Y/n insists it could have gone worse.

⚠️Bigass trigger warning⚠️: Verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, blood, mention of alcohol abuse and suicide

Anna lived her life believing that she was the main character, constantly denying personhood to everyone around her. She was the romantic hero, and everyone else existed to forward her plot.

This metaphor was imperfect, however, because in all the books you'd read, the main character must overcome some kind of challenge. Nobody ever said no to Anna. Nobody ever criticized Anna. Nobody but you. So you were pigeonholed into the role of antagonist for it. You had to give her credit; growing up on the receiving end of her and Theresa's torture was a compelling villain origin story.

It was obvious that she only wanted you at her wedding to present her with an obstacle. Heaven forbid her story progress without some semblance of petty drama out of her control. She'd cornered you into a painful catch-22; you wanted vengeance, but you couldn't give her the satisfaction of having her special day ruined. What was your play? Ruin it just a little? Walk away?

These thoughts passed through your mind as you sat through the boring ceremony. You wanted to lean over and whisper everything to Hannibal, but he seemed lost in his own thoughts. The vows seemed to drag on forever. Liam's English accent grated on your ears and you wished that he would just shut the hell up.

The ceremony concluded and you hoped to skip out on the reception with a purse full of mini cannolis, but fate had other plans. In a last-minute reach for some kind of scene, the blushing bride waved you over to the head table.

"[F/N]!" Anna shouted, with a big smile across her face. "Come on!"

You fought the urge to feel endeared by this. She looked too happy to be harmful. Your guard was all the way up as you and Hannibal approached the table.

Hannibal pulled a seat out for you while you studied Anna's expression. She fixed her doe eyes on Hannibal. You knew from experience that Anna had the same powerlust as grandma and Theresa. She was just better at keeping a lid on it.

"[F/N], you remember Liam?" Anna said, her voice brimming with excitement.

"Yeah." You nodded, scooting your chair up. "Nice to see you again, Liam."

"Good to see you again, too [F/N]."

"Liam is from Birmingham." She bragged, her smile somehow growing wider.

"Alabama?" You piped up before taking a drink from your water glass.

Every time you were forced to interact with Liam, she reminded you that the man with the strong and unmistakable English accent, was in fact from England. And every time, you slipped in the Alabama comment. It was never not funny.

"Liam, Anna," you said. "This is my fiance, Dr. Hannibal Lecter."

"Many congratulations to you two." Hannibal offered.

"Dr. Lecter, thank you so much for coming." Anna returned. "And thank you for taking such good care of our precious [F/N]. I hope she's not giving you too much trouble. She was quite a handful growing up, but we made it work."

"Don't flatter yourself, you're only four years older than me." You hide your passive-aggressive jab beneath a smile. "You can't take credit for a job you didn't do."

Grandma always thought Anna's protective, borderline maternal behavior towards you was adorable. Of course, it disgusted you. You were little more than an accessory to her. A baby doll she could simulate motherhood with. But, in fairness to her, that was all you were to the adult in the house too. Monkey see, monkey do.

"So have you two set a date yet?" Grandma interrupted your thoughts, just trying to keep the tension down.

"Goodness, no." Hannibal answered. "Ours is a long-term engagement."

"Yeah." You added. "Not until I finish school."

"Well, it's not my fault you aren't expected to graduate on time." Grandma said into her wine.

You tightened your grip on your water glass. "Well, changing your major halfway through will do that."

"I'm just saying," Grandma continued. Whenever she was 'just saying' anything, you knew she was raring to stir things up. "If you had just stayed the engineering track, you wouldn't have to keep Hannibal waiting."

"Well!" Anna cut in, offended that the attention was off her for more than a minute. "Liam and I waited until after college."

"Yes, Anna," Grandma said dismissively, before turning back to you. "Y'know, Dr. Lecter here could probably tell you that psychologically speaking, women are more likely to drop out of college and become strippers when they change their majors?"

Now it was Hannibal's turn to down his entire glass of wine. "Ms. [L/N], where did you get that information?"

"Oh, it was an article I found on Facebook." Grandma answered. "I'll have [F/N] send you a link."

"Ms. [L/N]," Hannibal cleared his throat. "Are you familiar with the concept of misinformation?"

"Of course." She looked offended at the implication that she could possibly not know something.

"See, social media websites like Facebook are inundated with misinformation campaigns." Hannibal explained. "Your claim is not rooted in any psychological fact."

"Yeah, also," You cut in. You scanned the area for escape routes if your attempt to change the subject went awry. "There's a wonderful documentary about how Facebook misinformation campaigns targeted rural counties in England leading up to the Brexit vote."

"Oh, we have a funny story about Brexit." Anna interrupted, taking the bait, hook line and sinker.

Before she could recount the same boring anecdote about being at some regional chain restaurant when the vote was cast, Theresa and her husband joined the table.

"Sorry we're late," Theresa sat down. "Damage control is a twenty-four hour job. What were we talking about?"

"Misinformation." Liam said.

"Perfect timing." You muttered.

"Finally, all three of my girls are together again." Grandma threw her head back and rejoiced. "When was the last time we all got together? Just us four girls, huh?"

"Remember the day before prom, we all went out go get manicures?" Anna reminisced. "And we took pictures of us all dressed up?"

"Oh I remember." You scanned the area for any alcohol to ingest.

"Oh, this is so funny." Grandma laughed hysterically. "Dr. Lecter, did you hear this story? [F/N] went to the prom with a boy who had all along been using her to get close to Theresa! They got together that night! Dated for two whole years after that."

"I've heard an iteration of it." He said, looking over his shoulder. He flagged down a waiter who was holding a bottle of champagne. "Leave the bottle, please."

"Don't drink too much, [F/N]." Anna scolded. "Save some alcohol for the rest of us."

You made sure to maintain eye contact with her as you filled your flute to capacity. "Grandma's paying, isn't she?"

"Anna, baby," Grandma said, rubbing her temples. "It's fine. Let [F/N] drink herself silly. It's a party, right?"

"Wow," Theresa sneered. You knew exactly what she was going to say next. "Like mother, like daughter."

Everyone at the table had enough decorum to recognize that Theresa went too far. You crushed the champagne flute in your grip, letting shards of glass dig into your skin. You glared at Theresa, blood oozing from your palm and dripping onto the white tablecloth.

Wordlessly, Hannibal removed the offending glass from your hand and swaddled the affected area in a napkin. He put pressure on the cut, letting the blood absorb into the cloth.

"Is this the famed '[L/N] woman telepathy'?" Liam whispered to Anna.

"No, [F/N] is just mad because her mother was a drunk who killed herself." Anna thought she was being inconspicuous.

"This has been fun." You stand up from the table. "Really. Great way to spend a Saturday."

"[F/N], sit down..." Grandma ordered, sounding exhausted. "You know Theresa didn't mean that."

"No." You said, each syllable out of her mouth pushing you a step closer to your breaking point. "Y'know what? No. I don't have to put up with this anymore. Anna, congratulations. I hope you and Liam have many long years together."

You turned around to exit as quietly as you could, Hannibal at your side. Your grandmother, who somehow hadn't hit her daily allotted dose of confrontation, wouldn't have it.

"Dr. Lecter, tell [F/N] she's being unreasonable." Grandma pleaded.

Hannibal raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise. In his long-spanning career, he'd never once met a person as tone-deaf as Beatrice [L/N]. He kept his quiet composure as he slowly approached the table.

"Beatrice," he said, beckoning her to lean in. He whispered something into her ear that left her stunned and quaking.

You could hear your grandmother's hysterical sobs growing softer as Hannibal hurried you out.

"Keep pressure on that cut, love." He instructed, talking over the increasingly loud shouts of agony from the head table. "You'll need a few stitches."

Once you were far enough from the venue, you had to ask. "What on earth did you say to her?"

"Nothing that you don't already know." He answered, facing forward.

#hannibal lecter #hannibal x reader #hannibal nbc #hannibal x you #tw blood #tw emotional manipulation #cult girl

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rantrambles · 3 years

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Ever get so upset you make a Tumblr account to vent?

I haven’t even listened to The Penumbra Podcast yet but it’s on my list because it’s insanely popular and the cosplays I’ve seen are hot as hell (A+ to all the cosplayers I’ve seen you’ve done great work). Now, with the recent news surrounding the podcast, I’ll wait till it’s done if I ever do get into it. I’m Asian and part of the LGBT community but I’m not nonbinary so I can’t say much about the trans represention in the art but I wanted to add my two cents on the matter as a person of color and someone examining the situation from the outside. Also, before I get deeply into it, I’m not the only person of color with opinions on this matter so if people have their own frustrations and criticism with the racism in The Penumbra Podcast and/or the new artist they hired, definitely listen to them too. These are my own personal opinions, and I’m sure other people will disagree and that’s fine. We’re all going to have different views on this so bear that in mind. Also, feel free to correct me or add anything if I’ve missed some information. Here’s a great breakdown of the whole situation for those that don’t know what happened. Finally, I was very hesitant to post this, but I felt it was important because I make a statement at the end on how race should be presented in a podcast format so if you are interested in making a podcast and want to have a diverse range of characters, please skip to the end to read those thoughts.

I’ll start off by saying, I’m not even that upset with the new artist that The Penumbra Podcast hired. I know that statement alone is controversial but I don't personally know them, and I’m not going to judge who they are as a person by a few pieces of art they’ve made. They are the least of the problems that I have here. Since the announcement and the backlash, I’ve been scrolling through the artist’s Instagram account and I can tell why people find the designs offensive, but I’m also comparing the designs to the artist’s other work, and I honestly believe that’s just their style. They’ve exaggerated the features of just about every character they’ve made, regardless of race or gender. From what I’ve seen the sharp angles and overly round curves in the anatomy that make some of the character’s features more jarring are how they prefer to draw. I’m sure they’re capable of drawing more realistic proportions but for the most part they’re art aims to call attention, be bold, and create distinguished features. Not inherently a bad thing on its own.

And yeah I’d understand the issue if this were a scenario where the artist heard how these characters acted in the podcast and thought “hey, obviously this character is a black woman because they are super strong and therefore must have big muscles, no other woman could look like that” or “hey, this character has to be Asian because they act super seductive sometimes better draw them as such.” But from my understanding the race was already decided by previous official artists and a general description of the characters were already generated by the audience, similar to how The Magnus Archives leaned towards drawing scrawny Jon with black, greying hair and dark skin. The new artists couldn’t really change those features even if those features aren’t described in canon because a depiction that strayed too far from popular fandom interpretation would make the character’s unrecognizable to the fanbase.

I think the reason this became such a big issue for most people is because the new Penumbra artist used their exaggerated art style when making these characters and people of color and nonbinary folks already see themselves drawn as these exaggerated caricatures all the time (with those images being used to further discriminate against them). I’m sure the artist didn’t mean for their art to be offensive, but that of course doesn’t change how it was received.

According to some, the poses and expressions the artists chose did not fully represent the characters entirely and only served to further perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and I’ll have to take their word for it because I still haven’t listened to the podcast so I have no idea how the characters act. But again much of the criticism is based on the one line-up and doing a deeper dive into the artist’s work I managed to find artwork that was much less offensive. Here some art where Vespa is depicted in a non-violent pose and one where Vespa is in a threatening pose but not an overly violent one. Here is Peter drawn in a non-seductive pose. Hopefully, the artist truly does keep the criticisms in mind as they work on the new official art. I’m just not the type of person that wants to get the pitchforks out and cause this particular person to lose a job they seemed really excited about over their old character line-up, especially when that person is also part of a marginalized group.

Again, that’s just my opinion on that particular artist. Those who are offended by their art are still valid in how they feel, and the artist should absolutely take their criticism to heart to better how they represent the characters.

What I’m more upset about is that I think The Penumbra Podcast should never have released official art for their characters in the first place and that’s their mistake that they refuse to own up about. They have made it clear that the story was never meant to portray characters of colors, a fact emphasized by the fact they hired mostly white actors from the start. They only started releasing art of the characters to get a profit. And the thing is they know what they did was wrong. All I had to do was search Penumbra Podcast racism and there is a note on their website saying that they archived some old official art.

“We have discontinued all Penumbra merchandise that uses the original character designs, and in the meantime, any profits on the sales of that merchandise will go to the For The Gworls project. We also realize that the depiction of these characters as POC, while not appropriate for us to use in our marketing and merchandise, has nonetheless become personally meaningful to many POC listeners. For that reason, and because we do not wish to distance ourselves from our mistake, we are keeping these images on our website for archival purposes. Though we do want to make it clear that many of the main/featured voice actors are white and that we did not write the characters to represent any specific POC experience, you are, as always, free to imagine these characters in any way that you like.”

I went to their shop and they still sell posters and pins with the character’s faces on them, but they are donating it to a good cause so hopefully that stays the same. However, I still find it a little uncomfortable that they are still selling character merch and have plans to continue selling character merch. They have no right to dissuade the fans that already found representation in the characters, but they also have no right to profit off the representation that was built, regardless if they made the story.

Let’s compare this to another piece of popular media. I love Avatar the Last Airbender and, I liked the ATLA voice actors just fine but there should have been more people of color doing voice acting behind the screen too. The voice actors for that show were mainly white too, however, the creators knew that they would be making poc characters. That’s what makes the difference. Did they still choose to go with mostly white voice actors? Yes. Could they have done better and pay more people of color? Also yes. But I’m not as furious at them because they did their research on the cultures they were basing the ATLA world off of and intentionally gave us a show where Asians could see characters that looked like them represented on the screen. The Penumbra Podcast did not do any of that. Again, they openly admitted that it was never their intention to make the character’s people of color when they made the podcast so that goes to show no research was made to properly represent specific cultures. The color of the character’s skin in their official designs therefore became more of aesthetic choice rather than representation, and it wasn’t even their aesthetic choice to begin with!

Race isn’t a color you can just throw onto the character because you feel like it. So I want this to be a lesson to anyone that wants to make a podcast: if you want to include poc characters please do some research into the cultures you plan to represent the way you would with any other form of media. Just because the audience can’t see the characters and just because it’s harder to smoothly introduce the character’s appearance doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be lazy on how you present the characters. Do research before you start writing the first episode and take the time to hire poc actors. Hiring poc actors is actually the least that can be done to show representation. Also, since the audience cannot visually see the race of the characters on a podcast and it can’t typically be described the way you would in a book, you’ll have to be creative. It’s not my job to say how, but my suggestions would be, before the fans come up with their own image of the character, you need to establish race in the first few episodes or release character profiles on a website so that the fans know you canonically intended the characters to be of a certain race even if you aren’t able to mention it in the actual podcast. If you are unwilling to do any of these then the best route is to avoid stating race at all and allow the audience to build their own representation into your form of media. However, once this happens, you are not allowed to profit off popular fan interpretations. You lose all rights to create official art or images of the characters. You cannot use “we have a diverse cast of characters” when you market your story. It doesn’t matter whether you created the content or not, you did not create the representation for those minority groups.

It’s one thing for fans to build their own inclusivity into a form of art like a podcast, but it’s another thing for the creators who never worked to make the representation happen to take advantage of the representation that the listeners built for themselves. Thank you for attending my TedTalk.

#the penumbra podcast #podcast #race #the magnus archives #diversity in podcasts #diversity #tpp #tpp fanart

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jxmieoleksiaks · 3 years

Text

Paradise -> Mat Barzal

This is for @antoineroussel ‘s summer fic exchange! I had the lovely, and awesome @texanstarslove I was so excited when I found out I had you, but wanted to wait until the season ended, though I know just like me, you didn’t need a repeat of last year. I think your writing is amazing, and I’ll never forget you randomly boosted me, and I’ve gained a lot of followers since then. I really hope you enjoy. I’m also so sorry this took so long 💚

Word Count: 2,390 Smut: Mentions Language: Yes

It was like deja vu. The team had lost again, to the same team, in the same round, for the second year in a row. This time though, it stung a little more, as their were fans, and they were in Tampa. It didn’t help the players were making fun of the guys getting a little emotional. You were too, and not only because you were heartbroken about the loss, it was your boyfriend Mat. He worked his butt off all season, and off season to stay in shape, and be best for his team. You knew he would get emotional, and he did, the first night after the loss, being the toughest. He was proud of him and his teammates, and vowed to make sure this didn’t happen again.

Mat was one of the toughest guys you knew. From the random night you met him at the bar, to when he had the two black eyes in last years playoffs, literally nothing stopped him. The idea of love never existed in your mind. Seeing your parents loveless marriage and hoping one day they would divorce and you could live with your mother, made you think that actual love never existed. But with Mat it was easy, you two could have nights out, and nights in and have the same amount of fun, you could see a future with him, but you were not in any rush for major things to happen.

It was now July, and you two had decided to take a vacation, a much needed one in fact. With last years bubble, and this years crazy season, he needed a vacation just as much as you did, someone who worked 40 hours a week, and also had to log in some on the weekend.

“Okay, where should we go?” You asked Mat, who was reclined at the end of the couch, while your legs were across his waist, laying on the couch, with your laptop sitting on you with vacation websites on.

“Somewhere warm?” He questioned, as he was watching the NBA finals.

‘That narrows it down a bit.” You laughed.

“You know what I mean!” He laughed back. “No where that’s like, not beach like, does that help?” He asked, taking a drink of the beer he was drinking.

“Yes, thanks.” You shook your head and started to google places you two could go.

As much as you loved Disney, and wanted to go there, you two needed some private time, and that was not the place for it. You looked a couple more places, and gasped at the website you were on.

“Look at this!” You exclaimed and sat up.

He looked to his left and noticed a vacation website for a resort in the Maldives. There were resorts. and private villa’s, and as you saw on your many hours of Tik Tok scrolling, it was pretty affordable.

“Oh that looks really cool.” He nodded, grabbing the MacBook from you to look around.

“It’s perfect, I heard it’s pretty adorable too.”

“Babe, that shouldn’t be the deciding factor, I can afford to take you to somewhere you really wanna go.” He said seriously. You did appreciate that about him, but in the back of your mind, you didn’t want people to think you were using him for his money, which was not the case whatsoever. You loved him for him, and you were just someone who worked and cheered on your boyfriend.

“Yeah, but I wanna go here!” You smiled. “Let me and a cool resort, and then we can think about booking it.” You smiled as you got off the couch quickly to grab a glass of wine, loving the fact you were about to book a romantic and fun vacation.

The trip was booked about three hours later, and in two weeks you would be heading to an island paradise. You never flew across the ocean before, so that part. made you nervous, but you couldn’t be more excited to finally get some peace and quiet with Mat.

You and Mat were now sitting at the gate in JFK, getting ready to catch the first flight, which landed in Dubai. You had an iced latte in your hand, which made the nerves you were having a little bit worse. Along with never flying across the ocean, you’ve never had a 19 hour flight before, and that was nerve-racking to you.

“Babe, are you okay?” He asked you, sounding concerned.

“Yeah, I think it’s the flight that makes me nervous.” You said, before taking a sip of the coffee.

“It’s gonna be alright, I promise, plus we have first class, and that should make things a little more comfortable. If you feel uneasy, just lean on me.” He placed a kiss on the top of your head, making your mind ease, and heart feel warm with love.

Movies, laughs, and naps made the flight, and it’s connecting in Dubai, made it so much easier to do, and now you two were on a boat with other couples, and three families to make their way to the resort. When the two of you checked in, and headed to your bungalow, you felt like you could cry. The water was a type of blue you had only seen in movies. The sky, was something out of a book, that you could imagine with your eyes closed. It was perfect.

“Holy shit, you gotta see this patio!” Mat said as he was walking around the place you were staying the next week. You walked outside and saw a private deck, with some chairs, but also a swing. You just imagined watching the sunset with the both of you on the swing.

“I don’t know how I was able to find this place and pull it off so easy. This is a literal Oasis.” You said, your eyes almost bulging out of your head with how beautiful it was.

“Ah, well, the view is almost as beautiful as you.” He grinned.

“Mat, nothing is as beautiful as this view, shh.” You laughed and rolled your eyes, but you knew he meant those words.

You never purposely pushed his complements down, it’s just who you were. You never really got complements before meeting him, so it was kind of..a reaction. The first time he compared you to the beautiful full moon, one April night, you almost cried with laughter. You thought he was quoting a movie or something, but you could tell he really meant it. He knows that you’re going to shove them off, knowing that something that happens in nature, and in space is something amazing, but he really thought you hung the moon.

There was a little cafe in the main part of the resort, away from all the bungalows. You could get your morning cup of coffee, while eating breakfast and looking out at the views, and people watch too. It was the middle day of your trip, and you were already dreading of leaving, but didn’t want to think about that just yet. You two were going to do your own things today, he wanted to golf, and you wanted to check out the resort spa. You had gotten up before he did, and went over to the cafe, leaving him a note, since he didn’t wake up for anything, and kisses his forehead.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Mat questioned, as he sat down with a cup of coffee, already dressed for a day out on the green.

“I tried…You don’t wake up for shit!” You laughed. “If we were home, and the dog went missing, I would scream, you would snore.” A giggle left your mouth as he rolled his eyes, he knew it was true, and so did you.

“When we finish up, we can change and go out to the bar, that’s over the water.” He said, taking a sip of coffee.

Your heart about fluttered, the views from the bar looked amazing, the bar after dark, over the ocean, thought you could do that in your bungalow, something about drinks around other people, and being so close to Mat, excited you to no end.

You and Mat planned on going to the bar when he cleaned up from his day of golf, but a nap called the both of you, and you two didn’t get there until after the sunset. You were a little bummed, until you saw the bar, and it’s area surrounded in hanging lights,

“Wow.” You sighed, after the waiter took the drink orders. “How does this place keep getting better…” You said, unable to believe you were here.

“I hope these drinks are good.” He chuckled, throwing your own feelings back to you.

“Oh, so now I get the shoved response?” You playfully rolled your eyes, before looking at the ocean in front of you.

The tequila sunrises and Screw Drivers the two of you were drinking, were really making you two feel really good. You don’t remember when you decided to sit on Mat’s lap, but he was pretty comfortable, and was keeping a good grip on you.

“You know, you could stick your hand up my dress and no one would know.” You giggled, before taking the last sip of your tequila sunrise.

“There’s no one around?” He looked around.

“I..don’t think so, it’s dark, there could be people around us, but that’s more fun.” The alcohol was running through you,

“As much as I love that idea, and how I would love for you to just ride me, I think it would be better to do this in the room, no?” He asked, his lips against your neck.

You never had the idea of something pubic, but he was right, your private space was made for the adventures you two had in bed, and though you two were having a lot of fun doing that already, you always had time for more, and agreed.

“Let’s go back.” You whispered before you hopped off his lap.

He paid the bill and left a decent tip for the waiter, he did hear the both of you slightly slur and probably thought you two were up to something when you hopped on his lap. You grabbed Mat’s hand and headed back to the bungalow.

You were first into where you were staying, and he quickly picked you up after you set your bag down on the table. You giggled as he placed you on the bed and hovered over you.

“I don’t know how you do it, you just look so damn beautiful.” He whispered before he quickly pressed his lips onto yours. You wrapped your arms around him as he kissed you deeply, you two may have been a little tipsy, but you could feel the love in every kiss, and every movement after.

You two probably would have woke neighbors if you had any. The way Mat made you feel was something no on else had been able to do. With the couple of years you two had been together, he knew where to touch you, how to do it, and what to do, to make you come undone in a matter of moments. A lot of people would say men don’t care that their woman didn’t cum, but he did, and he made sure you did every time.

You let out a load moan, and released as Mat groaned. After a moment of staying connected, he pulled out, and after you ran to the bathroom, you two were now laying in bed, bare and the moon shining into your room.

“This trip has been perfect so far.” You sighed quietly, as you set your head on his chest.

“You did good babe, I have to admit it.” He chuckled as he played with your hair.

“Is it bad I had no idea where this place was until I had to google it?” You asked, not being the best with geography, but honestly not knowing where it was.

“You really think I knew where this place is, babe….” He said, knowing he wasn’t that great with geography either.

“Fuck what happens if we get on the wrong flight or something?!” You asked.

“Siri will help us, because we can’t help our way around a map. I’m not the leader in any of these hockey trips for a reason.” He shook his head, and you covered your face trying not to laugh so hard.

“Listen, I know the last couple of seasons didn’t go as planned, but I don’t know if I could be more proud of you, you just…work so hard, and I see it, and I hope others do too. If you go to the Olympics, and they let family in, I’m screaming my ass off for team Canada.” You said, meaning every single word.

“I like heading that from the guys, but babe, you know it means so much coming from you.” He said. “And trust me, if I even make the Olympic team, I’d love to have you there. You’d be screaming the loudest, and probably freak out some of the others, and I want nothing more than that.” He started to laugh more.

Even with your normal type job, you wanted to be there for him as much as you could. You had even worked remotely to support him in the playoffs, and knowing he would do the same for you if he had the chance meant so much. You knew he was the one, even though you two were a little busy to think about the M word, you knew, when you both were ready, you would be the one, that he would ask, you, and you would say yes.

“Babe?” He asked you.

“What’s up?” You were a little nervous, he sounded a little unsure of himself.

“You’re gonna plan our next vacation when we get back, right? You’ve done great with this one, and now I need you to plan everything.”

You hid your face in his chest, and started laughing again.

“I love you.” You told him.

“I love you too babe, he kissed the top of your head, something you always wanted him to do, and it brought you comfort, the feeling that you had right at this moment.

#summer fic exchange #mat barzal #mat barzal flc #my writing #New York Islanders #the gif in the post is mine pls do not steal

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