#with as much context as I've given you (none) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

utilitycaster · 2 months

Note

Hi there, I saw in one of your tags recently that "if you think the raven queen was being unfair, I'm not really interested in your opinions." I was wondering if you could talk a little more about that because I'll be honest, Vax isn't my favorite character but I've seen all of C1 and I really don't get why some people HATE the RQ, call her unfair, manipulative and pretty plainly say this moon conflict is mostly her fault because she took Vax and through a Domino effect Ludinus is releasing Predathos. Also, I enjoy your theories and analysis for CR so much you got me listening to Midst, so thank you.

Hi anon,

Great question! This is going to be a very long post, with a relatively short initial answer, because there is both the literal misinterpretation that indicates this is not someone with strong analytical skills nor knowledge of canon, and a number of potential mindsets that lead to this manner of thinking in the first place, none of which I respect. You happen to have sort of hit upon the foundational elements of my whole deal re: CR meta, so, buckle in.

The first part is simple: Vex died because Percy triggered a trap before she'd been healed up. We've seen this sort of trap elsewhere in non-divine contexts (Folding Halls of Halas); it's just a form of trap. A particularly nasty one, but this is for a very powerful relic she doesn't want falling into the wrong hands, and, moreover, the party could have likely disabled it either through rogue skills or magic had Percy waited. Vax, then, as the third part of the resurrection ritual, told the Raven Queen to take him instead of Vex. The Raven Queen did precisely as he asked. He did not need to offer this (Scanlan was going to make an offering, the other parts of the ritual had gone well, it was Vex's first death so the DC was low, and Vax could have made any number of other, less dramatic offers), and he did so with the understanding that he would die in lieu of Vex, right then and there. He did not. I think that's the only case, actually, where the Raven Queen was not 100% upfront with her intentions before Vax accepted something; but he offered it voluntarily. Vax was a person who formed extremely intense connections, to the point where it was perhaps unhealthy, and did not believe life without his sister was worth living, and was willing to sacrifice himself to a god.

Everything after that was extremely straightforward. Vax communed with the Raven Queen, who spoke very directly with him in his vision in the Raven's Crest. She was extremely clear when she met with him following his disintegration: he was given the option to refuse her offer, and he took it instead. It is not manipulative to give someone a difficult decision, and if a character you like makes a choice you don't like, it is not automatically the result of manipulation.

As for the moon conflict being her fault…that is, to put it bluntly, unhinged, and what's more, ironic given that that's the manipulative argument. Ludinus tried to commune with Ruidus using a random crystalline artifact beneath Molaesmyr, centuries before Vax was born. He was going to do this regardless. If he couldn't get Vax, he'd get some other sliver of divinity, and what's more, it's been all but stated that Vax is not actually supposed to be leaving the Shadowfell to protect Keyleth, and is disobeying the Raven Queen directly (and it's been stated that this isn't necessarily helpful for Keyleth, who is trying to grieve and move on). So: Vax made his choices with the knowledge of what they entailed, is trying to bend if not break the conditions to which he agreed with full knowledge in a way that probably isn't healthy for him or Keyleth, and it's bananas to be like "wow look at how the Raven Queen made Ludinus try to free Predathos." Like. Even if she had tricked Vax, which she didn't, Ludinus literally could have just kept on his racist imperialistic longevitymaxxing beat indefinitely and left the moon well enough alone. The domino meme is a meme. I mean, while we're at it, couldn't we trace it back to Vecna instead, for killing Vax with Disintegrate in the first place, since had he not done so, Vax would have either survived that fight or would have been resurrected normally? Or perhaps it's Percy for triggering that trap. Or the Chroma Conclave for being the reason why Vox Machina was seeking the Deathwalker's Ward in the first place…but that only happened because Allura and Kima didn't kill Thordak but rather sealed him, and because a priestess of Melora cursed Raishan so that she had reason to ally with Thordak. We can go on indefinitely; the point is, to assign blame specifically to the Raven Queen when Ludinus literally did not have to do a goddamn thing with the moon is a fucking stupid take.

Below the cut, I talk root causes behind why people might decide the Raven Queen was unfair and come up with the above nonsensical argument to support that, since I don't think people say stupid things just to be stupid.

I think one root cause for this mentality of this is that the person in question wishes Vax hadn't died and is looking for someone to blame because they don't want to blame Matt Mercer and Liam O'Brien, even though yeah, that's who to blame. The thing is, as we learned in Campaign 2, character death is quite literally on the table. Had Vax not made his bargain, either in episode 1x103 or his original one during Vex's resurrection? He might have simply remained dead. Had he not given his life for Vex's, he was pursuing paladin anyway with the Everlight, and we don't know what she'd have required of him. But more importantly, for all people like to bring up a PC-centric perspective (which, in Actual Play, is inevitable) Vox Machina's frequent use of resurrection spells was in fact a massive privilege most people in Exandria do not have. And, unsurprisingly for a table whose DM made up rules specifically to make resurrection more difficult, the Critical Role cast is open to a story where death exists. I do not think it's an accident that resurrection has been made even harder in the subsequent campaigns. I also happen to think that Campaign 1 is a far richer and better story with Vax's death, given the other events that occurred. Had Vax not been the sort of person who would offer his life for a god to take in exchange for his sister? Sure, he'd possibly have lived to the end. But he was, and that's the character those people who wish he were still alive loved. If he wasn't that person, they wouldn't have liked him in the same way.

D&D is fundamentally about exceptional characters becoming more powerful, and will be focused on those characters. I do not think D&D supports a story about characters who reject all power. They can give up political power (the Mighty Nein, for the most part, do this - certainly more so than Vox Machina, and Bells Hells is yet to be seen) but they will progress in levels, which is power. Even if unwanted, it is power, because most people in the world are commoners with 5 HP and 10 in all their stats. With that said, a lot of people desperately want a subversion of this power narrative. Vax is, I think, the closest we get. In D&D you are not going to get a player character who finishes a campaign and remains Just Some Guy. But you can have someone like Vax, who doesn't have any interest in power (compare to Vex, who very much is about power and who gets a much happier ending) who nonetheless ends up on the Tal'Dorei Council and the favored of a god…and yet, in the end, his equally powerful friends still can do nothing to save him. I think a Power Bad story is overly simplistic, but "there are limits to power, and ultimately none of us have complete control" is not. I think Vax's death gives the story of Vox Machina a finality and heft that it would lack otherwise.

A second possible cause is the "What if the gods are BAD" argument. I'm going to be totally honest: I did not see this in the fandom until Campaign 3, and honestly, not until EXU Calamity in any widespread sense, which does lead me to believe that most people did not come up with it as a reasonable idea on their own until characters started saying it, because it is so plainly in conflict with the themes of Campaigns 1 and 2 that to make this argument would be obvious projection. Do I think a nuanced view of the gods as flawed beings, rather than perfection, is warranted? Absolutely. Mortals, too, are flawed, and we don't kill them all for it. I think Vax's story makes them uncomfortable because it makes it clear divine favor is not, as Ludinus Da'leth tries to argue, the gods just bestowing and withholding their gifts arbitrarily, but rather that divine favor comes with a divine responsibility as well. Clerics and paladins do not study the way wizards do; but they must live lives in service, whereas a wizard can shut the book at the end of the day and do whatever. Clerics and paladins have powers that can be taken away; a wizard does not. That's the fundamental concept behind the Age of Arcanum - wizards trying to get around the fundamental rules of this world! Vax's paladin powers came at a price. His options are guided, but also limited, by the oath he took. He is far more fettered than a wizard, in the end, and I think that fucks with the narrative of the gods cruelly withholding their gifts from all but a select few, so they instead make their gifts into manipulative punishments…while still, contradictorily, arguing that characters such as Laudna or Ashton or Imogen were denied the mercy of the gods. Now, setting aside the obvious, that these characters have their backstories because Marisha and Taliesin and Laura decided they would because this is a story, and one in which someone had a perfect life would be boring and so the gods didn't intervene with Laudna because Marisha Ray wanted to play a Sun Tree corpse (see next section), it really is fascinating to see how people who hate the Raven Queen so neatly align with Ludinus. It's fine for sorcerers to have inborn powers, apparently, and Ludinus actually has himself tried to ape druidic magic; it's not about power, it's just about that power source. Honestly, they're not even above the gods as a power source - Ludinus used the crystal beneath Molaesmyr seemingly unaware if it were of the Archheart, and he's demonstrably using Vax, and everyone loves a resurrection from the gods, but heaven forbid you pay someone for the work you feel yourself entitled to. (Entitlement: this will also be a theme throughout the rant portion of this post.)

As a brief subsection to this: the idea that bad things happen to good people because the other side of that coin is free will is an ancient theological and philosophical discussion, and one we are obviously not going to solve here, though it is a little depressing I have had multiple rewarding conversations on this topic, thanks to an academically rigorous religious education, starting from the tender age of 9, and a lot of adults on Tumblr seemingly can't engage on the level of my third-grade classmates. I think, however, it tells a truth that fits in well with the wizard (and entitled fan) desire to control everything. People are terrified of random forces. Cancer, for example, is a matter of probability. There are things that can increase your chances of developing cancer, to be sure, but the simile I used when I was taught about radiation-induced cancers was that of lottery tickets: if you buy more, you have a better chance; but sometimes someone who bought a single ticket "wins" and someone who bought a ticket weekly never does. By believing the gods of Exandria are on trial for not intervening with every little hardship or for not taking Vax precisely as he intended, they reveal a profound terror of random chance and of the free will of people who are not them. Which is very funny when you consider we're watching Actual Play, where random chance is a deliberately induced element. I think the takeaway of all of this is "I think some of you guys are really mad this is a D&D game." But let's continue.

The third, and honestly most likely cause, is honestly sort of a continuation of the first but not centered around Vax so much as just a general, in my opinion deeply childish discomfort of any sort of tragedy or unhappiness in fiction. I've noticed this a lot lately, and I am not a cultural critic and don't have a high enough level view to pretend to be one, but as others have noted a lot of people seem affronted when whatever show they are currently watching does not meet their specific standards of "comfort media" or "hopepunk." It's a self-infantilization I don't care for, and it's certainly not limited to the CR fandom (see: any grown-ass adult passionately defending a choice to only watch children's cartoons and only read YA) or even fandom at all (see: the baffling popularity of the Mr. Rogers "look for the helpers" line which was intended for anxious young children, not for adults who can and should be the helpers). It really came into focus for me with CR when people referred to both EXU Calamity and to Candela Obscura's Circle of Needle and Thread as specifically "hopeless." They are, to me, deeply hopeful series. They are sad, and tragic, and many characters do not get a happy ending, but they are ultimately about how some people will endure, and will live on and find meaning after great loss. Calamity explicitly states that because of the actions of the heroes, while devastation will occur, total annihilation is mitigated. It's like the adage of how courage only means something in the face of fear; hope only means something in the face of darkness. Happy and fluffy tales are not hopeful; they are merely not things that require you to have hope. The root word of catharsis is that of cleansing and purgation and it originally related to physical excretion - cathartic stories are about getting those complicated and ugly emotions and fears out and feeling better for it by briefly feeling, perhaps, worse! Now, again, this has worsened with Vax's story with time. Shortly after Campaign 1, it was very common to see stories where Vex or Keyleth were utterly distraught, indefinitely, but those at least were engaging with grief, even if in a very shallow and unproductive way. But this has morphed into this idea that the fact that a work of fiction might make you even feel sadness makes it bad, and wrong, and hopeless, and the machinations of a cruel and heartless god. Which brings me back to the entitlement narrative: it's really as simple as "the story didn't give me what I wanted (whether that was a happy ending for Vax, or for Keyleth, or just a lack of sadness generally, or a narrative about the gods that validates my personal beliefs, or a way to justify Ludinus's actions), so it is bad." Which again is about being in control of the narrative, which again, in D&D, is simply not something anyone can claim. Why are these people here watching a D&D game? I don't know.

So that's really it: on a basic level, if you think the Raven Queen is unfair, you are profoundly ignorant of canon, so I'm already going to have to fact check anything you cite (if you cite at all), but there's a much deeper refusal to meet stories where they are and expand one's own comfort zone at play, and that means any analysis will never consider the possibility that your pre-existing beliefs were wrong (absolutely crucial in meta). You will always play it too safe and be uninspired and reactionary because the alternative is uncertainty and fear. I think a refusal to embrace tragedy in fiction is itself a profound tragedy; that is someone who is terrified to believe that life goes on.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #long post #candela tag #ngl i'm torn about not maintagging this; kind of want to but it does go somewhat far from the original topic

128 notes · View notes

starks-hero · 7 months

Text

Concerning Lockley

A 3rd installment to the Smoke and Mirrors series.

Pairing: Marc Spector x Reader, Steven Grant x Reader, Jake Lockley x Reader

Summary: A year has passed since the events in Cairo and two things cannot remain hidden for much longer; the truth and a third alter.

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: canon-divergence, revolves around Marc and Steven's past so implied child abuse, lightly implied smut, descriptions of violence, language (but it's me so that's almost a given)

a/n: A criminally late third installment to Smoke and Mirrors/The Truth is Rarely Kind. It's fairly heavy so I'd recommend reading the first two chapters for context. Anyway, guess who's finally arrived? 😏

You had grown fond of the night. The peace, the silence. The temporary comfort that, even just for a little while, things would be okay. Well aquatinted with the early hours, you woke to see them hit the clock almost religiously; every night without fail.

Every night since Cairo.

Sleep was something you'd forsaken. The few hours of rest you did manage to steal were few and far between and when you did manage to drift off your guilt followed you into your dreams. It seemed that was all you ever felt anymore; an overwhelming, crushing sense of guilt that never went away.

You'd started making a cup of tea some time ago, (five minutes perhaps? enough time for the boiling water to cool, now a comforting warmth radiating through the ceramic.) It was another sanctum in your ritual, the action almost bringing more comfort than the drink itself. The steam kissing your hands and drifting through your fingers in playful wisps, the hypnotic sound of the spoon gliding against the ceramic edges of the mug.

Your hand stilled and your breath hung idle in your chest; a moment later two arms settled around your waist with a gentle squeeze and a yawn muffled against your shoulder.

"Alright, love?"

Steven spoke the words into your neck. They were gentle and warm, just like the rest of him. There's a certainty in how he holds you to him and you quit stirring your tea in favour of supporting yourself against the counter. You fear your knees will give way, from the lack of sleep or guilt, you can't tell. His nose ran the length of your jaw and you offered a quiet hum in response to his earlier question.

"What are you doing up, ey?" His voice is breathily quiet, softening at the end as it would when he spoke to a child or small animal. Something he was worried he'd frighten. His hands, feather-light in their movement, traced down your arms until his fingers brushed the swell of your wrists. Intertwining your fingers, he brought your joint hands to your chest and pressed down. It was a grounding, comforting weight.

I'm here. I've got you.

You took several deep breaths, each somewhat steadier than the last. You swallowed down the sand that seemed to have formed at the back of your throat; dry and scratchy.

"Couldn't sleep," you answered truthfully.

Steven had waited patiently for your answer. He was always so patient. He'd been patient during the three weeks you'd scarcely spoken to them after Cairo, and patient still during the outbursts that followed when you did start talking to them again. And how could he blame you? Dying and coming back again was bound to have that effect. The entire dying situation was something that had been quickly placed in the red zone (extremely triggering and not to be talked about,) and after an exceptionally explosive episode with Marc over it, none of you were eager to revisit it.

Steven wasn't even certain you remembered your time in limbo, but if you did you didn't talk about it and he didn't pry.

"Come back to bed, yeah? I'll stay up with you till you doze back off."

He did know that you didn't sleep anymore. Not really. On more than one occasion he'd wake in the early hours to find you sat by the door or perched by the window, something sharp in hand. Harrow, by some miracle, hadn't come looking for you yet, but you planned on being ready when he did.

Steven and Marc could feel the anxiety that practically hung above your head like a black cloud of miserable smog. The thought of Harrow and his goons finding the ushabti and following through with their plans was one that haunted you. A fact made clear by your desire to, in your own words, 'find the deepest, most ancient well known to man and chuck the damned thing down there.' But dealing with people set on genocide called for something more permanent and Layla had assured you she had it handled.

You didn't doubt her but it didn't make you feel any more at ease either.

You focused on the weight of Steven's hands against your chest instead and took another steadying breath. You agreed to go back to bed, if anything just to ensure Steven got a few more hours of sleep. You would fake it, you'd gotten good at it too.

He kept your hand in his as he led you back to bed. The tea abandoned on the counter eventually went cold.

You awoke to Marc, his lean arms barely brushing the expanse of your stomach, hand resting openly against your waist. You always knew the difference, knew who you'd woken up to. Steven held you like you would turn to dust and Marc held you like you were made of glass.

His hold on you tightened as he woke, that subconscious urge to keep you at arm's length crumbling. He kissed your head, your neck and then the expanse between the blades of your shoulders, his hands reverent as they traced your skin.

He made love to you differently since Cairo. It was slower and methodical, that desperation and fear that had been there before was long gone and there was a certainty now. He was more sure of himself, of you and of what you were to each other.

You rested in a comfortable silence afterwards, the air still warm and sweet and the sheets grounding against your trembling body.

Marc was a work of art beside you and for the briefest of moments you could understand why Khonshu chose him. He was made to be divine, to be godly.

His eyes had lightened a shade, as they tended to do when he was unfocused and staring into nothing. It was something only you'd noticed; the way the dark chestnut brown turned amber, almost pools of honey in the morning light now.

You traced his temple and he turned to you, taking the time to plant a kiss to your wrist. Right above the gentle beating of your heart. You temporarily worried that he'd feel your guilt in how your pulse drummed irregularly against his lips. You always felt guilty when he touched you softly. Knowing what you did you felt you didn't deserve it.

Your anxiety must have bled into your expression and Marc mistook it for worry.

“I'm alright,” he said. “It's just… quiet.” He traced his forehead and looked back at the ceiling. It was an observation he'd made several times in the last few months. His thoughts weren't as loud and his head didn't feel as crowded, no longer bursting and tearing at the seams. You supposed that made sense, now that a homicidal bird was no longer among his mind's residence.

You drifted with your thoughts until a gentle nudge from the man beside you brought you back to earth. His brows were furrowed subtly, trying not to give away that he knew something wasn't quite right.

“Baby–”

“I'm fine.” The words were so rushed they tumbled over each other as they left your tongue. You doubted Marc would have understood you at all if it weren't for how many times you'd parroted the phrase in the last few months.

Marc sighed and wrinkled his nose. “Steven doesn't believe you.”

“And you?”

“I think you're a bad liar,” he added. It wasn't accusatory, quite the opposite. “What's going on?”

The rehearsed lines came naturally. “I'm just tired.”

He seemed disappointed by your answer but said nothing. Another fifteen minutes in bed and Marc got up to start his morning routine and you prepared to keep up your masquerade for another day. You knew your lines as well as the part you had to play. It was all second nature now.

A week later you decided that you were going to tell them.

It wasn't the guilt that drove you to it in the end, not exactly. You'd been dealing with that for long enough. Rather it was the humbling realisation that this was no longer about you. It wasn't about how you spent every waking moment thinking about what you'd seen. How every time Marc laughed you envisioned the child that spent his birthdays either alone or berated. Or how each time Steven touched you softly you thought of the little boy cowering from his mother.

No, it was about Marc and Steven and the fact that they deserved to know. And if your relationship was the price to be paid for them to have their truth then so be it.

But just because you'd made the decision by no means meant you were handling it well.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” You cursed with each step as you did laps of the kitchen. You'd started pacing just after Steven left for his shift and you were certain you could pace for the rest of the night if you needed to. A hieroglyphic on the patterned rug Steven had bought had noticeably worn down beneath your feet.

You'd tried to rehearse something, gone as far as writing out bullet points and trying to convert them into something that resembled a speech. But all that came out of it was a bin full of crumpled-up paper and an even deeper pit where your stomach should be.

You passed the fish tank for what felt like the ninety-ninth time and stopped to glance at its resident. Gus seemed about as interested in the current affairs as a goldfish could be.

“How do you feel about staying with me on the weekends?” You asked. A single bubble left the fish's mouth in reply. “Gods, I'm losing it.”

Your heart near burst from its ribbed prison as the doorbell sounded three clanging chimes of doom. Your anxiety was so off the charts you were certain anyone nearby with a radioactivity monitor would be recording some cataclysmic event with your apartment as ground zero.

You employed every shred of willpower you had to get your legs to move you towards the door and opened it with such a convincing smile you should have been handed a bafta then and there.

“Hiya, love!” Already unsteady on your feet, the absolute, unabashed optimism in Steven's voice nearly had you keeling over.

He barreled forward past the threshold, a well-aimed kiss landing on your cheek and a bouquet of pink carnations brushing your chest.

“Picked these up for you on the way home,” he quipped easily as if the gesture came as easy to him as buying the milk. The bouquet was so large you had to employ both hands to hold it. The petals were so picturesque they almost seemed fake and the stems were a healthy green. The stall vendor had cared for them so well.

Steven hadn't stopped talking, not even as he removed his work clothes, electing instead to keep telling you about how the vendor had told him of the variety of colours carnations came in and their individual meanings but that he chose pink just because they were pretty–

“And I thought maybe we could go out tonight, grab something nice to eat. It's been a while since we've– everything alright, love?”

Still staring at the flowers, you hadn't realised you hadn't looked at Steven once. And he'd read you like a book.

“Do you not like them? Is it the colour–”

“No, no, Steven, they're beautiful.” You rushed. “It's–” That awful sensation of pressure began to coil around your neck and you struggled to swallow. Every thought spilled from your mind like water through a bullet-riddled tin can. “I just–”

In three quick strides, Steven was upon you, hands rising slowly to cradle your face. “Hey, hey now, it's alright. Had a long day?”

Something close to a whimper caught in your throat. You'd had a long few months.

You closed your eyes and focused on the soft press of Steven's palms against your skin, how his fingers brushed your jaw and thumb was ceaseless in its comforting movements across your cheek.

You took a steadying breath, Steven praising you as you did, and in the moment of silence that followed you felt the extra presence. That there were two bodies in the room but three people. That reminder of Marc served as a final shove.

“I need to tell you something.” The words were so long coming you felt your lungs almost give out under the weight of them. “The both of you.”

Steven's gaze softened, not an inkling of fear to be found despite your troubled expression. There was no doubt or worry he'd done something, only that certainty he'd carried himself with over the last number of months.

You thought about telling them your 'heinous crime' was breaking Steven's favourite mug and then he'd laugh and act offended regarding the remark Marc would have made about Brits and their tea. Then the three of you would go to bed and nothing bad would happen, nothing would change–

“I'm here, Marc too. We're both listening.”

“Back in Cairo–” A breath. Now or never. “Khonshu showed me something. I know it sounds ridiculous but when Harrow shot me– when I died and before I came back, Khonshu– he showed me your past. He showed me everything. And I've wanted to tell you for so long, I should have told you–”

His hands fell from your face and without the anchor of his touch, you felt yourself sway. When he took a cautious step back your heart capsized. You wanted to follow him but guilt and fear had fused your feet to the floor in equal measure.

“Steven please, I didn't want to hurt you. Marc, I–”

His eyes fell closed and your chest felt like it was caving in atop your lungs as you waited for them to open. Waited to see Steven, eyes innocent and confused and knowing you'd have to tell him that everything he was came from something so awful. Or waited for Marc, eyes clouded and full of anger. Your entire life hung by a thread and at this rate, you wondered if cutting it yourself would be a kinder act.

They had every right to be angry after all, every right to hate you. Having someone poking around in your head without permission was such a nonsensical thing to have happen that you couldn't think of a single reaction that wouldn't be warranted.

After what felt like hours, his eyes opened.

But it wasn't Marc. And it wasn't Steven.

It was a dull, far-off stare; tired eyes regarding you from beneath hooded lids.

You dared not move. It wasn't just the eyes but his entire body that was different, the way he carried himself. A tired smirk pulled at his lips and this stranger, this intruder in their body, seemed to have caught on to your realisation. He turned his back on you and walked towards the kitchen without a word.

His footsteps were lighter than Steven's and heavier than Marc's and his shoulders remained squared as if ready for a fight. And for a worrying moment, you thought maybe he was.

You stayed as you were, moving only a few inches to keep him in sight whilst still within bolting distance of the door. It was a terrifying thought, having to run from someone that looked like them.

The intruder opened the cabinet below the sink and pulled out a shoulder of whiskey you didn't know was there. The broken seal and missing liquor as well as how casually he grasped the bottleneck in his hand told you this wasn't his first indulgence.

Opening the second cupboard to the left, (how did he know where everything was?) he retrieved two short whiskey glasses and placed them on the counter, the bottle presented in the middle almost decoratively.

He looked to you, then to his alcoholic display, then back to you expectantly. Against all better judgment, you joined him at the counter. You hoped he couldn't notice the sweat at your brow.

“I don't know if you drink,” he said and his voice knocked the wind out of you. It was so foreign, coming from his mouth; like hearing the brass notes of a trumpet come from a clarinet. “But I think you might want one for this.”

You regarded him as one might do an unwanted guest, cautionary and with no shortage of distrust for this stranger wearing your boys' face.

“Who are you?” he didn't answer. “Where's Marc and Steven?”

His brow twitched in a move you took for unamused disapproval. Ignoring your questions, he generously topped his cup and downed it all at once before pouring himself another and this time including you in the debauchery. You didn't trust your hand enough to lift the glass from the tabletop. You hoped he hadn't noticed how you were shaking.

His eyes set on you and his head tilted to the side. You were sure, rather you hoped, it was a harmless gesture but feeling as small as you felt it was hard to receive it as anything but predatory.

There was a stretch of silence that lasted so long you felt yourself losing your nerve, then–

“Three's.” He said, grasping his glass loosely. “All good things come in three's. You heard that one before, carino?” He lifts his pointer from the glass and tilts it in your direction.

If it weren't for the fact he was suddenly speaking Spanish you might have found the strength to answer. You anxiously toyed with your glass and you were certain he caught the tremble in your fingers.

Scared as you were, the fear was slowly melting into frustration as the absence of Marc and Steven became more pronounced with each passing second.

“You're not Marc.” He shook his head. “And you're definitely not Steven.” Another slow shake of agreement. “Then who are you?”

“People with big houses buy big guard dogs to keep them safe.” He took another swig of his drink. “Let's say I'm this house' guard dog, I keep things safe. And since you joined our little fiesta, that includes you.”

You tried to swallow the information but found yourself choking on it instead. There was a third.

Your mind was near bursting, cracking and fissuring at the revelation. An hour ago you had convinced yourself that you were ready for whatever was to come, ready to change the trajectory of your life for the worst all in the name of both what was right and your love for Marc and Steven. But by the universe and all the gods within, this was not what you were expecting. The thought that Marc and Steven had been keeping this, keeping him from you was an unwelcome one. You could understand it of course, but the notion that you’d all been keeping practically life-altering secrets from one another left you feeling uneasy.

“Relax,” he said, and either the body's skills were interchangeable or you really were just easy to read. “They weren’t lying to you.”

The length of time you spent processing the information proved enough for him to finish his drink with another five seconds of wiggle room.

“They don’t know?”

He shook his head and for the first time all night, he took his eyes off you. “And we’re going to keep it that way. They won’t find out about me, or Khonshu, or that little stunt back in Cairo-”

Your blood ran cold, freezing water flooding your veins. “How did you-?”

The movement of his mouth fell somewhere between a smile and a grimace.

“Khonshu told me to give you his compliments. You’re the first person in decades he’s done that to whose brain hasn’t turned to sand and come out their ears.” You stopped breathing. “That, and that he wishes you could have been there when we put three bullets in Harrow’s skull.” You rose so quickly the chair fell away behind you and your drink toppled. He kept a good hold on his own glass, ignoring the spilt liquor seeping into the timber. He didn’t seem concerned as you backed away from him.

“What the fuck did you do?” The words burned as you spoke them, leaving your throat hoarse. All the fear and confusion had warped into a horrified anger so palpable that your body trembled to withstand it. “What did you do?”

“What I had to.” He rose to meet you, in tone and stature. “To keep this safe-” he motioned his arm around at the apartment. “-And to keep this together.” This time his hand motioned between you and him. No, not him. The body.

“They have a right to know.” You bite the words out harshly, the tears of frustration welling in your eyes only making you more intimidating.

“They have a right to some peace.” His answers came quick and concise, as if he had them memorised like a well-versed script. “I think that’s something we can both agree on.”

Your lips parted with the promise of an argument but the absolutely overwhelming weight of the conversation crested and swept you away before you got the chance.

“They don’t want to be avatars anymore, that’s fine. They can stay here and keep playing house and happy families and I’ll do what has to be done. All you have to do is keep it that way. Now, I’m going to leave and when you open the door again it will be to one of them. And you’ll smile and act like everything is fine and the three of you will get on with things as if nothing happened. Understood?”

“And what about you?” You doubted the walls of any courtroom had ever heard a tone as accusatory as the one you’d just employed.

He made a brief noise of amusement before raising his head to look down on you and it was again made clear that this man couldn’t have been any more of a stranger.

“Some dogs are meant to be kept on a short leash.”

With that, and leaving a deepening cavern beneath your ribs, he started for the door. You tried to breathe, tried to speak, tried to stop yourself from throwing your heart up. He swiped the bouquet of carnations from the desk as he went; Steven was prone to daydreaming, all he had to do was reset the scene.

“Wait,” you managed as he turned the handle. If you were going to even entertain going along with this sick, twisted theatre of lies then you deserved to know who you were performing with. “Who are you really?”

He grinned, apparently sharing the sentiment. “Jake,” he said, the sound like water on hot coals. “Jake Lockley.”

And then he was gone, leaving you to rehearse your appreciation of carnations and the colour pink.

Thank you so much for reading!

Smoke and Mirrors tag list: @bakerstreethound @crazydavefromplantsvszombies @admin-in-residence @bibli0thecary @mischiefmanaged71 @hoemadegrace @the-great-imagines-of-1812 @lokiedokiee @linkpk88 @theconsultingdoctor10 @jamiethenerdymonster @ponyboys-sunsets @shirukitsune @stwrawr @spectorsvoid @slytherheign @spideysimpossiblegirl @bored-as-hell-666 @marimarvelfan @stanmixtapes @stevenwith-av @buckys-other-punk @evienorville @stilllivindue2spite @daughterofthequeen @alotofsomething @niname92 @angelstark16 @child-of-the-moon-gods @interactive-brain @le3h4 @cutiecoww @heeheeeeeesblog

#‘a number of months had passed’ see what i did there 😏#the concept of jake thinking his primary purpose is to serve and that he isn’t deserving of love/being part of the group because of it >>>#he’s wrong obviously but the dynamic #jake lockley x reader #steven grant x reader #marc spector x reader #moon knight imagine #moon knight x reader #jake lockley imagine #steven grant imagine #marc spector imagine #jake lockley x you #steven grant x you #marc spector x you

201 notes · View notes

emmitaaa4 · 3 months

Text

Addressing some fandom BS inconsistencies

Gwyn was shadow mommy, Az was shadow daddy, they were gonna have shadow babies with her extra super pliable bones.

I audibly chocked when I read this @nikethestatue (btw everything said in this post was on point). No but seriously this is how they sound, too many of them insisting that there is nothing wrong with basing the likelihood of a ship on who has the more suitable uterus to be with a man... cause supposedly they're just picking up on the hints SJM wrote for them? She likes babies for HEAs so ofc children are the end all be all of a relationship, plus there's absolutely no way that she could ever write an adoption plot SJM is literally adopted and has done it in other series. Selective reading strikes again.

A minimum amount of critical thinking would tell you that 1) the infamous *magical uterus change* scene was about nessian (& feysand), not about any ship; 2) if SJM had written Nesta changing Elain's uterus, it would have given too much away, not to mention 3) how disturbing/violating it would have been for Nesta to change her sister's reproductive anatomy WITHOUT HER CONSENT?! None of it makes sense narratively; my girl Nes would never, especially given the trauma they both suffered from having their bodily autonomy--and so much more--ripped away by the Cauldron.

This argument is so trivialized that I see it every other day on reddit/tiktok/*insert media app*, and yet elriels are the toxic side of the fandom? The ones whom people are allowed to insult, to ridicule for theories all made in good fun, the women that are villainized over a difference of opinion? Don't get me wrong, there's assholes on both sides and people keep calling one another variations of delulu (and the nastier personal attacks). But by painting this fandom-wide villain there is such a lack of accountability for the plethora of harmful talking points spread by other portions of the fandom. (I've been silently reading the anti-elain & anti-elriel tags for like a year, and I'm on tiktok. Yes, I have self-destructive tendencies).

Anyways.

I never understood either how people ever actually thought (or well still think) that gwynriel would happen BEFORE elucien?? It makes no sense logically, narratively, or in terms of characterization & the arc she's set up for Elain, Azriel, and Lucien. Yet it took one controversial bonus chapter for people to decenter Elain in her own story, that is make her choice of romantic partner--which SJM spent 3+ books setting up--Azriel's. It took one bonus chapter that soo many readers are still unaware of, to brush Elain off as a "sexual object" Az is using to distract himself until his therapist-extraordinaire Gwyn comes in and heals him all up. Because ofc she will: she's badass and not the "passive and weak and boring" Eplain (aka "Plant" or "brain dead gardener"), she fits the YA archetype of the spunky warrior-girl so she can handle his darkness, and SJM supposedly spent time fleshing her out because she wrote her as a LI for Azriel; she's made for him, she is what he needs to grow (I actually enjoyed Gwyn's character btw, just pointing out how silly it all sounds). “Next book is a love triangle between Elain/Az/Gwyn” “Elain will turn evil or is secretly evil”. So you're telling me that SJM would pit Elain & Gwyn against each other in a love triangle over a man... all because of a necklace that was not even mentioned once in the actual books? Please, let's be logical for a second.

All this because instead of reading the bonus chapter in the context of the books, some people are reading the books in the context of the bonus chapter. Which now that I think of it is probably why so many people mischaracterize Az the way they do--because yes we know enough of his character to know half of the stuff the fandom diagnoses him with is questionable. Azriel? Entitled incel x fuckboy hybrid (gotta be the first of his kind, minute slay ig)? Interesting tell me more. No joke I saw a semi-popular post on here where a gwynriel said they read the bonus WITHOUT HAVING READ ANY OF THE BOOKS. I'm sorry, ship wars are silly and believe it or not idc who ppl ship, but it makes it hard to take some of the things they say seriously.

All this to say that the fandom isn't even debating the right thing. If you consider everything SJM has said in her interviews:

(she's been planting seeds for Nesta & Elain's book since acomaf; she knows who she is writing the first 2 books about + is keeping things open for the 3rd one--with 5 different ship options--which automatically rules out "Elain will close the series"; she said she's doing research for Elain's book in the ACOFAS bonus & there's seeds for future bookS in acofas; all she said recently about her beloved *heroines* and the themes of fate/true love/choice she finds *very* interesting & wants to discuss)

and if you also consider all she's written in the actual books (elain's characterization + the overarching plot in general & how she fits into it), then it's pretty evident that Elain's book is next.

The question then would be who is the MMC / 2nd PoV in her book, aka would acotar 5 be an elucien or an elriel story? Because logically, gwynriel was always a consequence of elucien. I honestly do not understand how people don't see that.

Oh and they always think they're gagging elriels with the "obviously Azriel is the next MC" as if elriels aren't saying the same thing? And we're the ones twisting info and not making sense. It's just funny at this point.

---sidenote: I realize that this post generalizes some things, and I just wanted to say that I have interacted with lovely eluciens / people on either side of this headache of a ship war. My hard limit is Elain haters though... back off I say 🤺 BACK OFF 🤺

---sidenote 2: I would have written this as a reblog except im not entirely sure how tumblr works and I get no visibility from them rip.

#please be so for real rn #elain archeron #anti gwynriel #anti nonsense #acotar 5 #elriel #pro elriel #pro elain #pro azriel #sjm interview #azriel bonus chapter #nesta archeron #elucien

85 notes · View notes

astoundingbeyondbelief · 5 months

Text

Kaiju Week in Review (November 26-December 2, 2023)

I wasn't over the moon when Toho announced that Takashi Yamazaki's Blockbuster Monster Movie was in fact the next Godzilla film. I had seen a few of his works—none bad, but none spectacular either. Well, I've set my sights on watching the rest in the new year, because Godzilla Minus One is an unqualified masterpiece. A tagline from the original Godzilla, King of the Monsters! comes to mind (as it often does when you're me): "Mightiest melodrama of them all!" A lot of the post-Showa films suffer from an abundance of characters who just spout exposition and look at monitors; here, almost everyone in the small cast gets at least one close encounter with Godzilla, and the monster's backstory is conveyed with extreme efficiency. This tale of a war veteran trying to rebuild his life in the ruins of Tokyo, stumbling into a family, finding fulfillment in blowing up leftover mines, and haunted by what he perceives as his cowardice in combat, would have been plenty compelling without Godzilla.

Since it does have Godzilla, it's high on my list of the best movies of the year, and I only need one viewing to call it one of the best installments in the almost-70-year-old series. Yamazaki patiently waited some 15 years after Always: Sunset on Third Street 2 for his shot at a Godzilla feature. You certainly get the sense, watching one of the most brutal, pissed-off incarnations of the monster ever to grace the screen, that he spent every day of it in preparation. Watch it often while it's still in theaters, and watch it big.

Godzilla Minus One will gross about $10 million in its U.S. opening "weekend", a third-place finish that beat expectations. For context, Godzilla 2000, the last Toho Godzilla film to receive a wide release here, made about $10 million during its entire theatrical run here. Ticket prices were cheaper then, of course, and Minus One was helped along further by almost half of attendees going to premium-format screenings. Conversely, it had to overcome Americans' subtitle phobia, and the first weekend of December is usually a slow one. I was pessimistic at the outset, but now I expect larger theaters to carry the film into the new year, especially with near-universal raves from critics and audiences.

Yes, a third section for Godzilla Minus One; it's well-deserved, I promise. MyKaiju is risking life and limb by hosting an English translation of the film's novelization, written by Takashi Yamazaki himself. It appears to be at least partially machine-translated, but the Japanese text is included for comparison. Haven't read it yet, as I want to see the film a second time first, but quite a breakthrough given how mysterious this sort of thing usually is.

Monarch: Legacy of Monsters could never hope to compare with the opening of a stellar new Godzilla film; unfortunately, I also thought this week's episode was the weakest so far. It's bookended by Frost-Vark action, but the rest just drags. All's forgiven if the teacher and the hacker smooch though.

Toho and Legendary used to let each other's live-action Godzilla movies breathe; now the U.S. opening weekend of one is coinciding with the opening marketing push of the other. IGN released a trio of pics from Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, showing Kong with his axe; Dr. Andrews, Jia, and Trapper (Dan Stevens's character) in uniform; and Godzilla "evolving into a powerful new form." The same article included an interview with director Adam Wingard. Naturally, he didn't give away much... besides the return of Doug.

Earlier in the week, Legendary put out a trio of posters featuring Godzilla, Kong, and the film's antagonist, now christened Skar King. The taglines ("Unite" for our heroes, "Bow to Your King" for SK) sound like kaiju campaign slogans. Makes me wonder if, like Godzilla vs. Megalon before it, the movie will improbably capitalize on the presidential election next year. To steal a joke from Titanollante: Godzilla/Kong unity ticket? They'd have my vote.

Godzilla's new form, meanwhile, has already been spoiled by a T-shirt on Legendary's own site and some dire-looking Playmates figures. It makes sense that Wingard would want to have his own spin on the character after keeping the design from Godzilla: King of the Monsters for Godzilla vs. Kong. Hard to cast judgment without seeing the real design in full, but there's one particular detail I really like.

The film also has a booth at CCXP in Brazil, with a panel later today, so I think a trailer is incoming (the main reason I hammered out this whole post so quickly).

I missed this one last week: Tsuburaya announced an anime project called Ultraman: DARKNESS HEELS. The DARKNESS HEELS branding has been around for a while, spotlighting prominent evil Ultras—and, of course, Jugglus Juggler. No details on the anime yet, but if the Juggleman's there, so am I.

The big toy reveal this weekend was Super7's ULTIMATES! MaiGoji figure. Previous Godzilla figures from this line haven't lived up to the official photos, but hope springs eternal. It's $85 (much less than the MonsterArts); preorders started Friday. Other highlights: a Super7 ReAction figure of the original Godzilla's skeleton, which comes with a little Oxygen Destroyer, and a plush Mothra from Surreal Entertainment that can flip to imago form to a neck pillow-shaped larva.

#kaiju week in review #godzilla #godzilla minus one #monarch legacy of monsters #godzilla x kong the new empire #ultraman darkness heels #kaiju

112 notes · View notes

beekeeperspicnic · 3 months

Note

I'm literally sobbing;

it's time to talk about the game backgrounds.

You've done an exquisite job creating the game's atmosphere. Until recently, I couldn't quite grasp the indescribable feeling they evoked in me until I stumbled upon an illustration on Tumblr. In it, Tilda stands on the shore, gazing into the watery distance. The moment I saw this image, my heart skipped a few beats, and it has not let go of me, leading me to the state I find myself in as I write this letter.

My hometown is a city built along a river, devoid of tourists and featuring quiet stretches of sand on small beaches tucked away among slopes and tall shrubs. From my earliest childhood, I remember the river, which, in any season, maintained its grandeur—a broad waterline that at some point broke the line of the opposite shore, transitioning into the sea, practically merging with the sky.

For two years now, we've been at war; the shores are mined. In all this time, two people have lost their lives, and we're even asked to walk dogs near our yards. This place pulls and beckons, and sometimes, standing on the slope of the hill, I look down at the river, as if it still means everything, causing an inexplicable longing.

I don't know the context of the illustration, but how it imprinted in my memory helped me understand my feelings towards the atmosphere of your game. It so closely resembles my home, that lost place from better times.

Now, as I go through the demo version with friends, I occasionally point to the screen, saying that it looks like my hometown, and it becomes very cozy. I don't know if in the next ten or twenty years I'll be able to descend to my native shore without holding my breath in blind danger, but I do know that I have a wonderful substitute in your game.

I will faithfully await the release of the full game; thank you very much for this work—you're an inspiring person. Thanks again.

Thank you so, so much for writing this. The idea of my game being with you and even helping in some small way means so very much to me. I think I'll return to read this again very often.

I'll talk a bit about the context of the image below, so I guess if someone doesn't want to know, they should stop reading now!

**** SPOILERS BELOW ****

The game is set just after WW1 and the 1918–1920 flu pandemic. Both of Tilda's parents have died, and she is walking alone on the beach and thinking about that.

What she doesn't know is that Holmes and Watson are watching her from the clifftop, and considering how both they, and Tilda's extended family, care for her will always look after her.

I never know as a writer whether I should talk about the subtext of my own work, especially when it's a game that hasn't even been released yet. It might be that none of this really comes through in the final game, I don't know!

But I think it was initially a product of me processing the Covid-19 pandemic, and the reprehensible way politicians and policy makers and leaders acted, and the fact that people died, and the fact that we're all supposed to carry on our day to day lives as if that's ok now?

I say the game is set in 1920, but it's not really - it's set in a little universe set apart from ours. The characters in the game have all been affected by war and disease (and are still being affected by those things - and always will be affected by those things), and I've given them a space which is gentle to them as they look towards creating a better future.

#nice asks

74 notes · View notes

whorekneecentral · 1 year

Note

“I've been holding back all the things I want to do to you” + gazing into each others eyes during sex with max.

childhood friends to lovers as bonus context, after the championship win. oh it would be absolutely adorable.

you get me on a spiritual level. -- post championship number 2 // prompts: “I've been holding back all the things I want to do to you” + gazing into each others eyes during sex

It was a rainy day in Suzuka and your best friend had just been crowned champion of the world for the second year in a row.

The joy you felt was like none other. The way they announced it could have been better given the mess of a race they just had but you were the first one with your arms around the man when he returned to the garage.

“I’m so proud of you,” you whispers to him, kissing his jaw softly before you let him go.

Max wore the brightest smile, brighter than the brightest star, his eyes fixed on you like you were the only thing in the world. “Thank you, y/n. You know how much it means for you to be here with me.” He gives your hip a squeeze, stepping past you to talk to the crowd of people behind you.

The rest of the day was nothing if not perfect; the photos, the celebrating, the joy the entire team was feeling.

You and Max had returned to the hotel late that night, the 2 of you hanging around the track for as long as they’d let you stay. There was a few drinks going around to celebrate, not as many as the first championship win because at least Max can find the room key this time. (Though they did promise to properly celebrate when they finished the season in Abu Dhabi.)

“Stay with me tonight?” He asks, his hand in yours when he unlocks the door. “A champion shouldn't be alone.” He jokes and you smile, “sure.” You follow him into the room.

The two of you settle in on the bed after a while, Max had taken a shower and you borrowed a shirt from his suitcase to sleep in. The man laid next to you, his eyes shut when you rolled onto your side.

“Max?” You called quietly, nudging him.

He opens his eyes. “Yeah?”

“I know I said it before, but I'm so proud of you.” You smiled, your hand on his cheek.

The two of you had known each other since forever. Attached at the hip since you were in diapers basically. Your fathers were best friends and you grew up with the Verstappen family. Your father worked with his while he was racing so when Max started karting, it was only natural your father spent more than a few weekends with them and by extension, you did too.

Over the years, you and Max have had your fair share of fights, middle of the night calls, cold pizza in the kitchen trying to sober up moments but nothing ever beat the race weekends.

Watching him get out of that car with a smile on his face and more often than not, get up on that top step brought you an indescribable joy.

The type of joy that gave you butterflies, pulled on your heart and made you smile so wide your face physically hurt; love, it was love.

“I love you,” he smiles, the room was a bit dark but you could feel it against your hand.

Max rolls onto his side, now facing you. “Y/n?” He whispers, getting a hum from you. “Can I kiss you?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “um,” you breathe, you had been waiting for this all these years but you weren’t sure if he felt the same way but now he does.

Why would you say no?

You don’t answer him but instead, you kiss him.

The man smiles against your lips, flipping you two over so you were flat on your back, his hands snaking under your - his - shirt and he kissed his way down your torso to your stomach.

You prop yourself up on your elbows to look at him, he glances up from between your legs, already pulling your shorts down and tossing them somewhere behind him.

He shifts to his knees, pulling you by your legs to him. You’re on an angle, Max stuffed a throw pillow under your hips as he pulls one of your legs over his shoulder.

“Is this okay?” He checks in with you and you nod, smiling at him. “More than okay.”

He leans down once more to kiss you, “You have no idea how long I've been holding back all the things I want to do to you”

Your leg pushed back and his cock pushing into you. Between your leg over his shoulder, the angle and the pillows holding you up, you knew you weren't going to last long.

A hand placed on your hip as he rammed into you, your back already arched. “So beautiful,” he mumbles to himself, letting your leg drop back down.

Max’s hand moves from your hip, up and over your chest and to your neck, his fingers wrapped around your pretty little neck. “That’s my girl, hm?” He asks, leaning down into you.

“Always yours,” you whispers, reaching up to kiss your champion.

#max verstappen #max verstappen smut #max verstappen x reader #favs <3

466 notes · View notes

inaconstantstateofchange · 5 months

Text

Werebear!Halsin

I've seen some references to werebear!Halsin and it's got me thinking about how that would work in the context of the game canon, and the thing is... it really does. So here are some of the points that I've considered about it and how I think it most likely to work. As usual, I'll be working to align with current 5e lore unless stated otherwise, but drawing from 3.5e in some areas to add depth, because let's be real, that's what it's for.

Baseline Info

Werebears are the most controlled - and Good-aligned - of the Forgotten Realms lycanthropes. It is extremely uncommon for them to attack indiscriminately or act with evil intent.

Werebears tend toward the solitary and typically avoid areas of heavy civilization, preferring the wilds. They will choose a large swathe of territory that falls under their protection, and treat guarding it from evil- and ill-intentioned interlopers as their primary responsibility.

It is quite common for them to become rangers, given their attunement to nature and their solitary habits.

They can be either born naturally from one or both parents being werebears, or the curse can be passed on via bite.

Werebears are extremely discriminating and careful about who they entrust their power and/or curse (depending on who you ask) to. They will choose someone that they know to share the same values, and will stay with them and train them as they acclimate to their new existence.

As It Relates to Halsin

He talks about having grown up spending a great deal of time in the forests of his home, playing with Thaniel, who no one else had heard of. This tells us that Halsin had, even as a child, an uncommonly strong connection to the natural world and its magics.

It is extremely possible that the forests of his home were also within the territory of a local werebear, and this devotion of Halsin's to nature would have been exactly in line with their own creed, making him of great interest to them as a potential apprentice.

Halsin also shares that there came a point when he realized that he could not merely be a companion to Thaniel/nature, he also had to be his/its protector. This makes sense as a point where he would feel prepared to take on the additional power and responsibility both that lycanthropy would bring.

This makes a lot of sense for his character as an adult as well: the way he has strong emotions but a great deal of practice controlling them, the way he prefers to be measured in his responses and judgements as much as possible, his care for his community, etc. I also think it even makes sense that it would not be something he would tell to a player character - he just wouldn't even see a need to. From his response if you share your opinion of his choice of successor, it is clear that he is not overly concerned with outside approval, which speaks to the way he is very settled in himself and feels no need to proactively defend anything about his being. Additionally, especially with his level of control, it simply would be none of the business of general acquaintances.

#voidling speaks #vflu #halsin #bg3 halsin #meta #my meta #lore #character analysis #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #lycanthropy #werebear

104 notes · View notes

neversetyoufree · 5 days

Note

Just recently found your blog and i love it!!! do have any theories for vanitas' original name? My guess is Abraham, for all it doesn't really fit him, after Abraham van hellsing, who is both a doctor and vampire expert, which I think matches mochijuns naming conventions. Doesn't hurt that it matches with Noe (noah) religiously.

Thank you!! Welcome to the party ;D

Traditionally, I've always said I don't have any strong theories on Vanitas's name—at least none that I actually expect to come true. I think(?) I've talked about this before, but that's not really the kind of theorizing I do? Since right now any name theory is wild guessing and speculation, not elaborating from the text.

That said, I do now have one pet theory that I'm partial to (one I didn't have the last time someone asked me this). I don't actually think this is going to be the case in canon, but for now, I really enjoy the concept of Vanitas's real name being Byron. This is mostly because I think it would be funny, but there are some actual connections too.

Long context short, Lord Byron wrote an unfinished draft of what would have been the first modern vampire story, and then his personal doctor (John William Polidori) took the same idea and fleshed it out into The Vampyre—the actual generally recognized first modern vampire story. But! Polidori's version of the vampire (the version that established a lot of our vampire tropes) was partly inspired by Byron himself. So Byron is sort of this almost-but-not-quite vampire author, writing but also inspiring the tropes of vampirism, which reflects interestingly on Vanitas's relationship to actual vampirism. He's not a vampire, but he's much closer to one than any other human, and in demeanor, he acts more stereotypically vampiric than Noé and many other vampire characters.

Also, Byron is the namesake of the Byronic hero, which Vanitas is a perfect example of. He's brooding, cynical, arrogant, and intelligent, but despite his gloom and self-destructiveness, he has a sort of lonely magnetism about him. Once again, the concept of the Byronic hero is inspired by/named after both Byron himself and the characters he wrote.

As I said, I don't think I'm going to be right about this, as there's a million other theories that could fit just as well, but in the meantime, the concept does tickle me. Polidori's Byron-based vampire even has an especially strong connection to the moon :D.

Anyway, I really like your theory as well. I've noted before that it's interesting that there's no Van Hellsing reference in VnC (or any direct Dracula references at all, save poor dead Mina). It's almost surprising given Dracula is the iconic vampire story. I never even considered that there could be a Dracula reference hidden right there in Vani and waiting to be discovered, but it does make sense. The doctor/vampire expert connection is really fun and fitting! Though I'm afraid I don't know enough about the biblical Abraham to say anything interesting about that aspect beyond what you pointed out there.

#look mom I finally have my very own Vanitas name theory! I'm finally a real theorist!#(lmao)#thanks for the ask!#ask #anon #vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #theory #comparison #vanitas my beloved

35 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 5 months

Note

ONTF, you're older than I am, you're highly media literate, maybe you'll know: what was the appeal of the Joss Whedon style of writing to begin with? Everyone whateverishly wording their phrasey bits in that very Whedon-y way never did anything for me, positive or negative, and the constant need to have comedy during serious moments or interrupt a serious moment with either snark or a remark that nods towards tropes diffuses the tension to the point where I can't get invested. None of his characters ever felt capable of having sincere moments like most characters in other things I watch, and the few moments of that they did have would get undermined by one of the aforementioned flaws.

I do think the "omg worst writer EVER!" crowd is a bit much, because I've seen things so bad that Whedon looks like Shakespeare by comparison. But my half-sister, who is 25 years older than me and thus in her late 40's, swears Joss' style is revolutionary and deep. And frankly I've been wrong about a lot of media I used to hate and I'm open to the idea I'm missing something. It's super likely given my limited media exposure, though I am admittedly trying to work on that and branch out into more genres of media and more formats so I don't become that 'guy who has only seen Boss Baby thinks every movie has Boss Baby vibes' meme.

So. What am I missing? What's the context I'm missing and the key here that will allow me to appreciate the appeal of and enduring fandom for Whedon's work? I am admittedly a fandom baby but I am willing to learn.

I mean... I despised him from the get go, other than the Buffy movie, which I still quote that death scene from regularly, so I'm probably not the best person to describe what's appealing about his style.

But one-liners during action are a common taste even if I'm fonder of the sorts of homoerotic 80s trash Ruthless Reviews used to cover.

Ironic distance is also popular and easier to swallow than earnestness for a lot of people.

However, I do think Buffy's original audience was connecting with it emotionally. Look at the part where Buffy's all upset after the most clownishly 1980s take on loss of virginity and heavyhanded metaphors for guys being jerks that just made every writer involved seem excessively middle-aged and out of touch Giles asks if she has any idea what could have happened to Angel. For people who weren't going to high school in 90s California, that bilge was apparently very moving. Certainly, there are parts of Buffy where the quips die down for some actual emotional moments.

People like style. Something that commits to being aggressively stylized will often stand out from the bland clones that surround it. Look at Wes Anderson (another creator I don't particularly like). Whedon's godawful faux-witty dialogue did sound different from other things on TV at the time. He also lets women say some of the one-liners, which is sorely missing from most media.

But mostly, he was formative for a lot of people, and I had to live through many, many years of them earnestly entreating me to give his shitty writing another chance because this time I would somehow connect with this sex-negative parasite and his casting aesthetic that I didn't find hot or interesting.

(I like dumb and campy things. I just like them to star a bunch of body builders from New Zealand, not waifs.)

People always hold up the things they imprinted on as more revolutionary and deep than they seem in retrospect. In Whedon's case, his already obnoxious style suffers from having been copied so much since, but even if he weren't famous or popular, if you were talking to that one person whose adolescence was defined by their love of him, they'd say all this same nonsense your sister does.

71 notes · View notes

scoobydoodean · 4 months

Note

One thing that bugs me about after school special is that the dude they casted for "teen" Dean is literally a decade older than young Sam. He was closer in age to Jensen than to Colin. Normally I wouldn’t gaf (none of the younger Dean actors ever hit the mark for me so it is what it is), but combined with the episode’s complete lack of empathy for his situation as a parentified child, it feels more insidious. It frames him as way older than he really is, and in a way normalizes his parentification. If they had casted an actual 16 year old, their dynamic would look a lot more honest to what it truly was.

You know I'm don't think I've even fully worked out my frustrations about After School Special yet. I had to stop thinking about it last night because it was 3AM and I had to go to bed (also for more context, see posts I reblogged from Leyla last night jshdbfjhsbdfh).

This episode is just so... messy. It tries to say too many things, it says some absolutely stupid things and some okay things, and in other places, the narrative isn't clear (or maybe Dabb and Loflin are at war with one another on the subject of Dean—who knows). I find some of my frustrations and why I have those frustrations... difficult to explain in words.

That is a good point about the casting of Brock. Mind you—I have nothing against the actor here. I actually have always thought Brock did a great job copying Dean's mannerisms and way of speaking (I assume Jensen worked with him during the episode) and I think he does his best with what he's given and the role he's expected to play. The writing itself isn't his fault, of course.

From a height perspective, they wanted to intentionally contrast Dean with Sam all episode, who's being mocked by Dirk (who's paralleled with Dean and is literally our only window into sympathy toward parentified children which... isn't much at all) for being shorter than him, and I think that's part of why they chose someone much older and taller than Collin Ford.

I also don't think we're necessarily meant to dismiss the knowledge that Sam is much taller than Dean as an adult, but the thing is, if they wanted me to buy into the idea that everyone in After School Special is a bully (except maybe Barry), they did a terrible job. Sam hardly comes off as a bully—all he does is defend himself from someone who used their pain as an excuse to make his and other people's lives miserable (we get better evidence of bully!sam in their previous episode—"Yellow Fever"—actually). Is that what Dabb and/or Loflin think of Dean? That he's made Sam miserable? How? By *looks at notes* not obeying his every whim and following him around like an obedient dog, or perhaps by being dead? Hm. Except Dean doesn't even make Sam miserable in this episode (unless making jokes Sam doesn't find funny counts). Sam even picked the case they're on—Dean doesn't actually really want to go to their old school. Young Dean is reiterating that he'll look out for young Sam the entire episode.

I do think people are right when they say Dean's height (and much older appearance) are meant to reflect how Sam perceived him (After School Special is nearly fully from Sam's POV—Dean is more of a plot device than anything). Young Dean is immediately popular in school. He's handsome and makes the other kids his age laugh from the moment he enters the classroom. He immediately catches the eye of popular girls, and Barry and Sam have an exchange about it.

BARRY That's your brother with Amanda Heckerling? He's cool. YOUNG SAM Yeah. He thinks so.

Sam's paper about their werewolf hunt is, by the teacher's recounting, one where Dean shines the brightest—not Sam. He's the first thing that catches Wyatt's attention. What catches his attention second is John dragging them everywhere. Sam doesn't really factor in at all.

MR. WYATT I'm not flunking you. I'm giving you an "A." Now, aside from the werewolf, is that really how you'd describe your family? YOUNG SAM Yeah. MR. WYATT Well, your brother is quite a character. And your father -- he seems, uh, driven.

This also isn't a bad nugget about Sam, in an episode that comes right after 4.12 which is also to an extent about the desire for fame and attention and the old school versus the new school (where Sam represents the hot, new, popular magic that embraces demonic forces and is pushing out the old ways of doing things). I said 4.13 is also about envy—many of the murders are driven by projections on others. Dirk perceived Sam and Dean as "Jocks... you popular kids... you always thought you were better than everybody else." When that wasn't them at all. I've said that Sam is jealous of Dean (his bravery in combat despite zero powers, in previous seasons—his intelligence and way with people, his title as "the righteous man" while Sam is "the boy with the demon blood"). Dirk was projecting his resentments onto people they didn't apply to as a function of resentment and jealousy from the superiority he himself ultimately perceived them to possess, and that's much more reminiscent of Sam this season (we're about to see him project his insecurities on Dean and become the Big Bad Bully in the next episode—4.14):

OK, fine. You know why I didn't tell you about Ruby, and how we're hunting down Lilith? Because you're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are. Stronger, smarter. I can take out demons you're too scared to go near. [...] You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whining about all the souls you tortured in hell. Boo hoo.

For Sam, After School Special isn't a terrible episode. It's just that it almost fully treats Dean as a cartoonish plot device and the neckbeard-type loathing for him almost seeps off the page even with all the nods to performing Dean you could ever want. In After School Special, Dean seems more unlike himself than any episode ever in the history of Supernatural up to this point. I do actually kind of think Dabb took one look at Dean when he came in in season 4 and decided he's a bully because he's popular based on nothing—however much he pretends he's only saying something else... and honestly I don't think he ever really got over it.

#mail #4.13 #dabb #loflin #4.12 #season 4 #pk rewatches spn number ?#sams follower/leader false dichotomy #sams motivations #projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn #sams envy #dabb disk horse #writer disk horse #i wanted so badly to believe i could be saved

41 notes · View notes

taikanyohou · 1 year

Text

for ages i've always made myself not go too deep into analysing and interpreting this:

just because in uwma, when team said this, we didn't have the full context. in between us, we do.

and i think its now that i can finally put my mind at ease and speak about how much this, for me, is team implying and referring to his mental state. the fact that he knows his ptsd, insomnia and survivor's guilt are things that are never going to go away. they've left their scars all over team for so long now that he can't even imagine his life without them.

and so he's realised here, by this point in the show, that he loves win. and he wants to be someone important to win and wants win's love too. he doesn't want to run away from that. he doesn't want to run away from the only person in the world who he can confide in and talk to about his demons and his past and his trauma. win gives him so much emotional security and fulfillment. he has craved this for so long and he doesnt want to let it go.

but at the same time, team himself knows that his trauma can get the best of him at any time and put his mental health and entire physical and emotional state at a detrimental place, and that includes putting himself in danger sometimes too. this isnt going to go away. ever.

and he's trying to tell win here, just that. that "can you put up with me at my lowest? when things get heavy and my thoughts spiral and i've had barely any sleep and i'm all over the place, will you be able to handle that? when you find out about my past, will you still see me in the same way? when i'm sobbing because of my guilt over how i killed p'ton and i keep saying how i wish i was dead instead of him, will you be afraid and run away from me? can you catch me when i'm spiralling and falling into the abyss?"

and. no. really. i get win's hesitation. things have changed so much and he knows he loves team but he's had this life long ingrained belief that what he loves and holds close, he ends up losing. all his life, win has sacrificed and been so selfless and only given and given and given. and now, with team, for once, he just WANTS. and he wants team to STAY. and that is so hard for him to admit to team because he IS scared of losing team, especially after that last episode. but how does win tell team that without sounding selfish or rude? because win is none of things, but how does win tell team that "if i love you, i am scared of losing you too. and i've seen you drown once and then held you whilst you talked about how you wish you were dead. so yeah, i am petrified of losing you." like. remember the look of horror on his face and the confusion in his eyes, just at the MENTION of team saying how he wishes he was dead:

like. they STILL havent talked about this. so how can they possibly talk about long term or forever when this all ... is still THERE. HAUNTING them.

and i feel like until this isnt cleared up or talked through between them, its just going to linger. and they can't put off talking about this any longer now. team, about his childhood trauma and guilt, and how he needs win because he is his safezone, he depends on him and in that, craves for win to love him despite his issues and his trauma and his past, because he likes how good win's love makes him feel about himself and no one has ever made him feel like that and so, yeah, selfishly so, but team wants that for him and he just hopes win will stay. and win, about his abandonment and attachment issues, and how scared he is of losing team at any given moment, but how he loves team for how wanted and appreciated he makes him feel, which is something he's never felt from anyone, and so, yeah, selfishly so, but win wants that for him and he just hopes that team will stay.

#THE CODEPENDENCY OF IT ALL.#faiza talks #between us

256 notes · View notes

time-travelling-chaos · 1 month

Text

There is a nice parallel to be made between the good omens kiss and the in stars and time one. (And also I've you've only seen/played one of them, go have a look at the other, it's worth it, both are really great and with great queer reps)

Ok so first of all, the obvious one (except for the fact that it is a queer kiss), the posture, with one of the characters grabbing the other one to kiss him. And along with it the fact that it wasn't fully consensual for any of these for the character being kissed. (And of course, both of them broke my heart)

The character dynamic here is interesting as well. In this context I find Crowley and Siffrin to be quite similar (while in other circumstances I could find more similarities between Siffrin and Aziraphale). They are both desperate, and lost, and they both struggle to express their feelings.

But also they are both the one to have more freedom than their partner. It is quite obvious between Isabeau and Siffrin. Siffrin is the only one aware of the time loop, Isabeau is... repeating. He has no awarness of the situation and doesn't have any power over it. On the other hand, Aziraphale's situation is not that desperate. He knows what is happening, and he has some power over it (how much, we don't know yet) but je doesn't have a choice either. He cannot tell no to Heaven, not without putting himself and Crowley in danger. So this leaves Crowley and Siffrin the only ones able to (relatively) act freely, even if they don't have much control either.

And both of them are terrified and confused, and sad.

Because of that, the kiss is done for the bad reason, it is not a kiss of love (not that love is not present but it is not the main purpose of the kiss). Here, the kiss is a desperate one, tant is made in a tentative to change thing, to get control over the situation. Siffrin is desperate for a change, to experience something new, and to stop repeating the same things again and again. Crowley is desperate to not lose Aziraphale once more. And none of them have been able to express their feelings fully before, despote trying. So it is an awful kiss, showing despair and the characters losing hope and trying to regain control over circumstances that are starting to escape them.

But also, I think the most important point here, is that whether we are talking about Aziraphale/Crowley or Isabeau/Siffrin, they love each other. And that is not enough at the moment. Love cannot fix everything. And it isn't the good time for any of them. Before they are able to develop their relationship, they need to solve the things going on in the world, because otherwise they won't be able to be together safely (for A/C) or at all (for I/S and maybe A/C as well).

And of course, it doesn't end well. With the 'I forgive you' from Aziraphale and Isabeau pushing Siffrin away (which is a normal reaction here for both of them, even if it hurts them). Then, the characters go their separate way, with Crowley leaving the bookshop and Aziraphale going to Heaven, and Siffrin looping back.

But if love cannot fix everything, this kiss doesn't destroy every chance of a relation either. Isabeau and Siffrin are able to heal, and to end up in a situation where they are safe, and finally able to express their feelings for each other and to forgive each other.

And it will be the same for Aziraphale and Crowley, given a little more time.

#good omens #in stars and time #isat spoilers #good omens kiss #in stars and time kiss #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #siffrin × isabeau #everything will be okay

38 notes · View notes

nanomooselet · 3 months

Text

Elendira the Crimsonnail (I)

I'll start with my thoughts on the Maximum version; maybe it will soften some people's feelings to know I'm fond of her. To be clear, if I am wrong about this and Orange are just backdooring in loli fan service I will extremely displeased, but I don't think that's what they're doing.

When I read Trigun Maximum I couldn't figure out what El's deal was, thematically. Like all of Knives's followers, she had something going on with bodily autonomy (I've also heard it that they're all marginalised in some way, but I don't see it? However, they do all have unusual relationships with bodies and agency over them); she's a transgender woman who impales people with nails. But we learn nothing about her past, save that she's been at Knives's side for even longer than Legato has. We learn more about the inner life of Midvalley the Hornfreak.

The Guns are in many ways an argument in favour of Knives's beliefs about humans, but compared to… well really the majority of the cast, Elendira is self-confident and refreshingly free of angst. She sees no reason to deprive herself of the finer things in life or to refrain from doing what amuses or excites her, especially if it's violent. She's committed to assisting Knives in his genocide, knowing he will not spare her, but she claims to hate the suicidal (such as Legato) and is dismissive of immature men (such as Legato). Knives is respectful of her (in a way he isn't of, say, Legato - to whom Knives is attached, but deeply in denial about). They're very nearly equals. If he falls, Elendira will be the one to bring an end to the world. (Presumably because if Knives hasn't survived, there's no way Legato has.)

(Okay, I'll stop dunking on Legato but the way he and Elendira interact is absolutely hilarious. They hate each other so dearly you can feel the hostility crackling off the page whenever they're both on it, but they also rely on each other without question. I would read a workplace sitcom about these people in a heartbeat.)

There are theories - she has some sort of tragedy in her past ("I don't like nice men. They die too soon," gets brought up in this context) or that her transition was not met with acceptance. I can't disprove either one, but neither do I see solid evidence to support them in particular, I suppose? Beyond planetary society's general horribleness, we're given no clear reason she's in the position she's in. El has decided it's none of our business and that's that. It's her prerogative, though I do feel uneasy if "she's a transwoman" is supposed to serve as the entirety of the explanation for her being a willing accomplice to genocide.

So I have my own theory, and it's that Elendira defines and masters herself. She is resolutely singular. In a story where so much of who we are is shaped by others - via names, purpose, scars, grief, longing, imitation, jealousy, rivalry - Elendira neither needs nor is needed by anyone. Legato was rescued and named by Knives, the first ever to treat him as though he's any other human, and even his powers need other people to fully express themselves; Elendira named herself and presumably sought out Knives for her own reasons. Whatever the tragic backstory reasons for that, we don't learn them, because it doesn't matter to her. I wonder if Knives sees something to aspire to in her total self-sufficiency, or even in her nihilism. Of all the characters, Elendira does most consistently have her shit together, while Knives is… well, he was a sensitive boy.

Regardless, if ending the world presents an amusing enough challenge, Elendira sees no compelling reason she shouldn't take the shot. There's nothing else on, none of these people mean anything to her, and she'll look damn good doing it.

To her credit, she does look incredible. Being well-dressed in the face of the apocalypse is a very specific niche, but El owns it as few others could.

She's pitted against Razlo and Livio (I'd say particularly Razlo) because their purpose has always been to be needed by someone else; Razlo joined the Eye of Michael because it was a place where we will be needed. Not to mention their selfhood is by definition a little unstable, whereas Elendira knows of self-doubt and uncertain identity by reputation, but has never met either one of them face-to-face.

And yet in the end she's defeated. Because, having perfect mastery, she's not learned to recover from the kind of ego-shattering loss she regularly doles out. Razlo and Livio, for obvious reasons, have that shit down to a science - Razlo exists to step in when Livio's at the end of his strength, and Livio learns to step in when Razlo's at his limit. Whereas perfection has no room for improvement. There's certainly prestige in being peerless in your field and unbeatable one-on-one, but who do you rely on for back-up?

Elendira neither needs nor is needed by anyone. So in the end, with Legato fully occupied, when she's pushed right to the limit of her strength -

- there's no one to step in.

@ultraviolet-cello

Part II

#trigun maximum #trigun meta #let's appreciate the juxtaposition in sweetheart vash who loves all humanity like family #and shoulders the burden of protecting us alone #versus knives and his multiple devoted followers whom he'd never admit to giving a shit about #as he plots to murder every human alive #elendira the crimsonnail

31 notes · View notes