#why does no one talk about this it’s literally crazy
Note
On note of the Blockbuster thing and Dick’s over working himself, I can recall a time when after the first time Blockbuster got taken out, Dick was so lost emotionally and mentally, he went for months on end getting the absolute hardest cases and capers imaginable, getting more illnesses and injuries so much and frequently. It got so bad Bruce and Alfred had to drag him to the Batcave and Bruce had to get some tough love across.
He let Dick know that he was upset at him for failing to take care of himself and self forgive for what happened to Blockbuster. He forgives Dick for the latter case but will not tolerate Dick losing the value of his own life in self pity and guilt
Thoughts on this?
YES!!!
Dick overworks himself so hard that he kinda passes out and dreams so vivid that they're almost hallucinogenic but when he wakes up-
Nightwing (2016) Issue #117
Bruce is PISSED. Ofcourse it's gotta be because Dick let Blockbuster die right? He just stepped aside and let Catalina take the shot despite the no kill. He broke the OATH the two of them had forged. That's why Bruce is mad right?!
Nightwing (2016) Issue #117
WRONG WRONG WRONG!!
Nightwing (2016) Issue #117
"You have no right to expect me to excuse you - for losing sight of the value of yours."
CMON BRUCE!!
He basically said "I don't care if you killed someone. If you want me to forgive you fine. But don't you dare fucking think for one second that I'll forgive you for almost dying."
Bruce is crazy about Dick. I've already talked before how he has control issues regarding Dick life but I want to reiterate that Bruce wants control of Dick's everything. His life, his relationships, his death.
You can see the visible rage in Bruce's body. You can see how hard he grips Dick's chin. He's furious that Dick would put his life below anyone's.
This isn't the only time Bruce gets furious at Dick almost dying either. Remember Forever Evil?
Nightwing (2011) Issue #30
His sole reason for beating Dick is LITERALLY beat his frustrations and fear that Dick almost died!! He's the one that died Bruce!! Why are YOU mad?!
The thing about Dick and Bruce's relationship or rather Bruce's relationship with Dick is that Dick could literally be standing in a room of blood and corpses and the first thing Bruce would do is rush over to him and check if he's okay. And then scold him because "what if they're blood accidentally got into you, Dick? Haven't I told you the dangers of bloodborne pathogens and other transmittable viruses? How dare you let them hurt you!"
Bruce has a no kill rule but sometimes when Dick's life is in danger he definitely looks the other way. No punishment if Dick does something to someone else but he travels at the speed of light when Dick lets something bad happen to him.
Not only that, he doesn't mind other people dying if it means saving Dick's life. Between the world surviving and Dick, he will always choose Dick. And how do I know that? Because he's done it before.
Forever Evil Issue #5
"No, this is a search and rescue mission first--"
"Richard Grayson?"
"Yes, Luthor. Once Nightwing's safe, we can take down the syndicate."
The world is in SHAMBLES.
Central City
Forever Evil Issue #3
Metropolis
Forever Evil Issue #3
The justice league is gone.
The villains who actually wanted the end of the world are so shocked by the state it's in now that they've decided to become heroes. But none of that matters. It doesn't matter to Bruce that half the population is gone, people are killing, stealing, and dying. As long as Dick is alive - it's okay.
In fact an entire world could be corrupted beyond saying but as long as Dick isn't then it's a world worth saving.
Forever Evil Issue #3
Do you realize what this means? It means that Bruce's scale of measurement for evaluating the quality of a whole fucking planet IS Dick Grayson.
Even an hyper-intelligent construction questions what happens if his favorite, Dick, dies.
Infinite Crisis Issue #3
What happened after Blockbuster, where Bruce completely ignored the death of him. Ah-I said ignored but the reality is created an excuse for - is completely in line with his relationship with Dick and more importantly highlights two things.
Breaking the no-kill rule is acceptable if it's Dick Grayson or relates to Dick Grayson.
Bruce is crazy about Dick and he will go crazy for him.
#dick grayson#nightwing#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#blockbuster#clark kent#superman#lex luthor#rogue gallery#alfred pennyworth#cl paladin of nerdfandom65 asks#thanks for the ask!
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why the fuck is it so socially acceptable to say hateful stuff about people with red hair
#there's literally a whole tiktok trend now about people saying they're resisting the urge to kill gingers#and people will hate on celebrities simply because they have red hair#make it make fucking sense like why is that treated as a joke#it makes me so mad and I feel like I'm going crazy WHY DOES NO ONE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY#people with red hair have to grow up hearing weird gross comments about their hair#just like anyone else with physical traits that aren't considered 'socially acceptable'#I want to spit on ginger haters#fuck you my wife has red hair and it's the most beautiful hair color in the world#lyla's talking again
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When The Black Wolf Calls My Name - By Yim Hye (8.5/10)
You know the drama is going to be great when you can understand the villain. The villain in this one is completely insane too, but nothing is as simple as it seems. Our protagonist chooses to remarry to save herself from her obsessive ex-husband, but the reader gets to slowly question the logic behind that choice. She is an unreliable narrator, and that's the most interesting part
Yeonwoo wasn't loved, in the most boring way. Her mother was extremely harsh with her, and her father let it happen. Young Yeonwoo experienced the type of abuse people hate to talk about. Emotional abuse. Seowoo, her younger sister, was loved and spoiled but not her. Why, you ask? Well, Yeonwoo is the smart one with potential. Her mother broke her spirit to turn her into a convenient pack mule. A pillar of support for the family.
When the story begins Yeonwoo is financially responsible for both of her parents, and her younger sister. Why? Because she's successful of course. Yeonwoo became a song composer in Korea. She had great success, and her mother immediately asked for money...in a nice way.
The family goes on a trip that Yeonwoo is paying for, and they slip off a cliff into the Underworld. The Underworld in this setting has a historical fantasy vibe, and it is ruled by powerful men contracted to animalistic guardian spirits.
In her first life (hint, hint) she marries a powerful man who controls The Brown Bear spirit. He claims he loves her above all else, but he kills her beloved family too.
She obviously decides to kill herself because she cannot live without her beloved family. Everyone is afraid of Yeonwoo, because Hyojo the Brown Bear loves her so much. When she dies she destroys him, and before her eyes close she notices something.
Another crying man. A man she doesn't even know is weeping desperately for her. She thinks it's out of pity. She wishes no one would cry, because she's dying a prideful death. She's dying to avenge her beloved family.
When she wakes up again she has silver hair, and her family is alive!!!
They get out of the same ruined car again, and they look around the deep forest. Lost and confused.
I'm not kidding her family abandons her the same chapter. Like less than an hour after they arrive.
Sort of.
Hwita appears before her instead of Hyojo this time. Yeonwoo says she must go with him immediately...because she wants to protect their ungrateful asshole asses from Hyojo. Marrying a woman from Earth is a highly strategic decision, and as a bonus Yeonwoo is beautiful.
She offers herself to Hwita, and he eventually decides that he's interested in a marriage of convenience.
Her family literally leaves to hang out somewhere safe while she literally DOES ALL THE WORK TO SECURE HER NEW MARRIAGE AND KEEP THEM ALIVE.
The REAL ISSUE could not be more clear.
Yeonwoo refuses to accept it, but she is absolutely still being abused by her family. They're nicer about demanding money and protection now, but the unreasonable expectations from her childhood never changed. They just changed shape.
Hwita tries to seduce Yeonwoo at first, but he quickly finds out that his beautiful new bride has....problems.
Her greedy family is obviously one of them, but her traumatic second life has left her more heartless. She has no interest in love anymore.
Why?
Well, in her first live she loved Hyojo dearly. By the end of that life his name was branded on her chest, her family was dead, and he wouldn't let other men look her in the eye.
Hwita, obviously, was the other man crying when she died. I do think he's more gentle than Hyojo...but there's a problem.
A really, really big problem.
Yeonwoo simply cannot see that her family is the problem.
Hyojo showered her with sweet love. During their honeymoon phase he sang about her beauty and he grew gardens for her and he carried her princess style and they cuddled all the time and he cared about her feelings.
He was always crazy for her, but he wasn't violent in the beginning.
Do I know Hyojo is bad?
Yes.
Do I also know they could have worked on their mutual issues if her family wasn't...like that?
Also yes.
In her first life Yeonwoo tried to kill Hyojo when he threatened her awful family. In response he got crazier and meaner because his beloved bride chose the clown car over his eternal love.
Is he still a dick? Yeah. Is Yeonwoo kind of an annoying victim that refuses to stand up for herself???
Yeahhhh. It's not black and white in this one. The Underworld is not like Earth. Hyojo's violence is more normal and expected than Yeonwoo thinks.
Hyojo was way too possessive. She's right to avoid him and remarry, but Yeonwoo's family members are definitely stupid enough to insult and demean her in front of her crazed husband.
I 100% know that's how they died without even reading ahead.
It's a real moral conundrum. As a reader you understand why Yeonwoo wants to cling to her family in this unknown world. On the other hand staying with Hwita and leaving the idiots to their fate would be more satisfying.
There's a chance Hwita is a yandere as well. A smarter one. His excuse for marrying Yeonwoo right away is paper thin.
I sincerely hope her family gets punished for using her as their bank account someday.
#yandere#male yandere#yandere male#yandere boy#recommendations#recs#rec#recommended#webtoon#When the black wolf calls my name
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Mutual pining (May 12th)
Word count: 700
@wolfstarmicrofic
Sirius screams into his pillow. James startles, knocking the pot of ink on the desk all over his admittedly horrible essay.
“Godric! What the hell?” James and Sirius are the only ones in their dorm room and Sirius has apparently gone crazy.
“Why won’t he talk to me?” Sirius asks, throwing the pillow on the floor. “Why won’t he just talk to me?”
“Remus literally talks to you all the time,” James says, and he doesn’t need to ask who Sirius is referring to because who else would it be? “And pick up that pillow. This room barely fits all of us when it is tidy.”
“But no, he doesn’t. James, he doesn’t. Not about the things that matter, anyway.” Sirius doesn’t say anything about the pillow but he does pick it up.
“What are the things that matter, again?” James asks, turning his chair around to look at Sirius.
Sirius blinks. “I just mean that–”
“What is the last thing you two talked about?”
“How peeling an orange is the epitome of love, apparently,” Sirius says. And he doesn’t even say it to be funny. He’s completely earnest.
James truly cannot believe that Remus and Sirius don’t know that they’re already dating. “You talked about– how did that conversation start?”
“I’m not really sure. But, see? I want to talk to Remus about things that matter. And things that don’t matter, as well, like love oranges. It was a really lovely conversation, James. Easy flowing and funny and–”
“Love oranges are funny?”
“Well, Remus is funny, so yeah.”
James nods. He doesn’t want to point out the obvious and tell Sirius to just ask Remus to marry him already if only to see how long it takes Sirius to figure out that Remus is obsessed with him as well.
“Can you help me make a list?”
“Sure,” James says. He tilts his head. “Of what?”
“Of like, conversation starters.”
“You need conversation prompts to talk with Remus?” James raises an eyebrow. Remus and Sirius literally don’t shut up.
“I need conversation prompts to talk about deep things with Remus.”
James starts laughing, and he can’t stop. “Deep things?”
“Oh, fuck off.”
Remus doesn’t sleep well the week before the full moon. James doesn’t sleep well, ever. They snuck out into the Forbidden Forest after Remus broke more quills than James could justify during their late-night library study session.
“What do you think my animagus would be?” Remus asks as they are walking. “And don’t say a wolf because I will gouge your eyes out.”
James laughs. “I wasn’t going to. An eagle.”
“That’s cool.”
James shrugs. “You’re cool. It makes sense.”
“Sometimes I feel that it’s unfair to Sirius that I like him,” Remus says, and James knows that is what Remus wanted to say in the first place. “That’s a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry.”
James flicks Remus’ head. “Don’t apologize, you twat.”
Remus smiles. “You’re the twat.”
“And it is a stupid thing to say. How is it unfair?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. At all.” James shakes his head. He hates that Remus thinks that. If only he could put his two friends in a room and force them to say these things to each other. “Sirius is lucky that you like him. I wish you liked me instead. Screw that guy, come make out with me.”
Remus laughs. “I would totally make out with you. But the heart wants what it wants." Remus pauses. "The heart is a bitch.”
“Is it the hair?” James asks. “I can totally grow my hair out if you want. Did you know my dad has this whole hair business empire thing? And if it’s the eyes there are spells for that! It definitely isn't the music talent, right? He’s the worst person in the choir. And I’m better at Quidditch.”
Remus whistles. “You really are the whole package, Jamie.”
“Damn right!”
“It's the Sirius,” Remus says, then he groans. “Wow. That’s humiliating. I can’t believe I actually said that.”
James pats Remus’ back. “It happens in the best of families, I’m afraid.” Remus chuckles and James really hopes Remus and Sirius figure it out soon.
#Barbie has a great day everyday#Ken only has a great day when Barbie looks at him#Except Remus and Sirius only have great days when the other looks at them <3#also Remus peeling oranges <3 for the people he loves <3#also angsty Remus sort of spawns out of nowhere like that's really not what I had in mind lol#also also James <3#just James loml wonderful friend best quidditch player hair empire heir <3#remus x sirius#remus lupin#sirius black#james potter#marauders era#my writing
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Sav's Author Highlight: Eshtaresht
For the entire week of @trigunfanfic appreciation week, I’m going to highlight my favorite authors and friends whose writing I adore and why. Last but certainly not least I want to talk about @eshtaresht's fics!
Esht writes some truly incredible stuff. Body horror like crazy, visceral and raw. Sci-fi weirdness in the same vein as some other authors I've recc'd - if you like Becoming Eden, procrastinatingbookworm's dead dove fics, or Mydetheturk's science fiction, you'll love Esht's stuff! It's imaginative, detailed and vivid, with some really fun fics with fun formatting. And the EMOTION. AUGH. They have written some incredible body horror for BH week.
Featherheavy makes me SCREAM. If you love fucked-up emotionally-convoluted and interdependent Vashmeryl, READ THIS. This fic is catnip to me. It lives in the same corner of my mind that Rainy's I could Drown Myself does, the same corner where I look at Vashmeryl and go "yeah, i need to make them more fucked up. Yeah, Bluebells could always get worse." Holding this fic tightly to my chest. Beloved. It's also part of a series about getting brain-blasted by Vash. I love this concept so much.
applecore: Vash post-canon having weird grief about Knives. You know I love a Vash-is-weird-about-grief fic, and we so rarely see fics exploring how he feels about losing his brother, as strained and complicated their relationship was.
Independent is a delicious dead dove set on the ark, you know, when Knives tries to assault Vash one last time. Knives says "let me merge or i'll kill us both" (you know the tumblr post) and he succeeds. It does not end well for him, however. This fic shrimped me good. The formatting makes this so horribly visceral.
Oh, speaking of Vash grief, read Not About the Couch too.
Esht also writes some Millionsummers, specifically this fic that was written for me (literally this time), and I adore it. I love fucked up Millionsummers, and the song that inspired this fic is just so.... fucked up in a delicious way. Compelling! Heed the tags, though; this is Knives reconnecting Legato to Vash's arm, and the implications are.... hmm. Dead doves.
And if you just want pure sci-fi biological weirdness, we got Boys will be bugs, a fic about Zazie with super fun formatting.
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Do y’all fuckin remember that woman who ran a tattlecrime website early on in this fandom and it turned out she was a cult leader and kidnapped a teenager
#why does no one talk about this it’s literally crazy#her name was Jen cornet I’m pretty sure#hannibal#nbc hannibal#will graham#hannigram#hannibal lecter#nbc hannigram#hugh dancy#mads mikkelsen#mizumono
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Lost my original post of this from the other day but I genuinely don't understand how Black Butler discourse ever shifted into the does Sebastian ~really~ like Ciel or is Ciel just dinner line of conversation that is pervasive as it is because Sebastian is the one that has absorbed his whole existence into Ciel's. Sebastian's face is what Ciel wants Sebastian's whole purpose is doing things for Ciel Sebastian's every hell of a butler yes my lord speech is about how he's Ciel's and Ciel is the one going around saying shit like whatever Sebastian is just my pawn 💅
#like sjdjdkdd??????#it's not that i don't think ciel loves sebastian per se bc. well. i don't think he'd ever process it in terms like that no matter what...#...kind of relationship they have bc the most important thing to him is getting him to do tasks like a dog and proving he will over and over#which is why sebastian does it all so overkill#but the most acknowledgement you ever get that ciel likes sebastian is stuff like idk the fucking book of atlantic you did good today#or if we're feeling really crazy the you were the only demon there line#like the dynamic has gotten way skewed in fandom away from the actual text#and i know why but it's still annoying bc i am not even saying this in a shippy way bc i don't give a fuck about ships#but they're so crazy entwined and in completely incomparable inhuman situations that it literally has no merit on this story to sit and...#...definitely piece together how this relationship works with real life normie standards like it literally is going to fit into no box of...#...what we think of as friends or siblings or parents or partners bc no victorian guy on the face of the earth has a real pet demon.#it's so boring you're missing the bigger picture that they're everything to each other and completely stuck together forever#does x mean y mean z? (least problematic answer only) they're stuck together! forever!#and no one has demons in real life it's all comparable to real life nothing#other than the asthma that's real#anyway. it's like fandom has made up a version of this story in their heads that is so devoid of anything that makes the story the story#twitter is like another planet for this i am mostly talking about twitter where i have been looking for news about the anime and oh boy#i have said this before but sebastian doesn't have a grip on human relationships bc he's not one and ciel doesn't give a fuck#but like this post started with and strayed from. well. sebastian isn't even trying to act like he's indifferent. ciel actually is.#and we're all missing several funny bits from that just trying to fit everything into a box#we could have more interesting conversations if we got past the same three people have been having for 20 years#kuroshitsuji#my kuro posts
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do you ever go do autism crazy for something you can feel it in ur chest. like it’s hard to breathe almost it’s making you gasp for breath and jump around physically. got an adrenaline rush thinking abt Kirigiri.
#GODDDDD. I LOVE HER SM AUTISM WOMAN.#I go insane thinking abt her and her life and how she develops in THH and past it#and how Makoto and her literally bring out the best AND worst in each other#and her narrative parallels w Byakuya. the way they’re so similar that they’re hypocrites for disliking each other#at first and then the way they’re indispensable in that they’re they only other one that Understands why they’re like that#I cannot word my thoughts for her nearly as coherently unfortunately so no paragraphs tonight. I’m just going to start growling like a dog#the way she fucking commands so much respect and control and how strong she is#and the fact that she is constantly reinforcing that strength by shoring up any weakness or vulnerability with terrifying effectiveness#that leaves her invulnerable but completely alone. and for a long time that seemed like a good thing#and she may even believe it is#but you hear the way she talks about her father and you realize she’s HUMAN. she doesn’t want to be an island all the time.#she has emotions just like anyone else and being viewed as though she doesn’t is incredibly alienating and reinforces her isolation#if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t still be mad that her father left her alone. it wouldn’t still pick at her the way it does#it wouldn’t drive her to abandon the entire purpose of her family by revealing herself as the Ultimate Detective in order to get to him#and then there’s Makoto and Byakuya challenging those aspects of her all over again#Byakuya sees the worst of her. he believes what she puts forth as herself and sees that ruthless cold efficiency#and he isn’t wrong to believe those things. as much as she wears a mask it isn’t fake that she has those qualities#but then comes Makoto who doesn’t see through her mask either but chooses to believe she must be human somewhere even if he’s not sure#he continues to trust her with absolutely no reason to and it feeds into her own ruthless efficiency by making him her Guinea out of sorts#but it also means there’s someone on the shoreline of her island. they want to come in. Will she let them?#that island is painful but not more painful than being vulnerable.#hhhh#I’m crazy
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there’s a certain white noise quality Taylor’s biggest hits (and to some extent all her songs) adopt after a while because they’re just SO MUCH part of the culture and the media etc. and we encounter them everywhere and it’s magical when that obfuscating veil drops for a second and you can hear the song as if for the first time
#I’m thinking of anti-hero in particular#and why sometimes people like covers better because the song sounds new#anyway this is why she can simultaneously have the fan base she does in size and scope and have people be like ‘fine? her music is fine?’#that’s the white noise effect#and that is why I think she’s going to last past this period in history#call me crazy but like.#all the furor will die away and the chokehold she has on the culture#and the body of work will just … be there#also! as a final note! this is kind of how I listen to Taylor. meaning there are two ways#and one of them is sort of background white noise#because her voice is comforting and her songs are solidly well-built pop entities that I like to hear#but then at other times I sit down and I listen and I give the song my full attention and it’s like hearing it for the first time#and it’s revelatory!#Romeo and Juliet (the play) suffers from the same problem t b h#like are we talking about the actual words of the text when we criticize it or hate it? the actual literal words on the literal page?#almost NEVER#the text disappears in its own mythos#but time reveals!
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my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
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Ppl still be calling Sasuke abusive, it’s crazy to me-
#I will defend him for the rest of my life I’ll be old in a senior citizens building still on tumblr writing long essays about him#sorry he’s so awesome#how does anyone read or watch the entire series and come out thinking that#🧍🏾♀️…#his character is all about love bro#literally the only ppl who get his character are sasuke fans and like about half of sns fans (most of them mischaracterize the shit out of#both of them to hell so that’s why I say at least half lmfao)#the dudebros only see him in a meta sense#Sakura fans act like it’s his fault that she’s miserable and still sucks when she was the one who forced herself on him and he just gave in#because he’d already felt guilty about what happened before and the story (idk why kishimoto did that shit because it made no sense for his#character) had his ass feeling bad about what he did when he was always right from the very beginning#gaslighting a genocide survivor is crazy#a lot of sns fans do this as well so again that’s why I said HALF lmfao#it’s so ugly bro#there’s sm more but I don’t want to talk about it rn it just annoys me sm#rambling
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lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol
#purrs#grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like.#god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class#(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and#ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w#wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and#also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years#ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s#social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the#classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two#instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING#THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they#don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the#same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody#noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ <#<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th#that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t#telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have#to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍#delete later#oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t#even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me#that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off#into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and#their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3#* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️
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i have a pet peeve for the final girl trope being only ever referred to in terms of virginity
#i mean like i can accept when people do analysis of the way sexuality is portrayed in these movies it just like#bothers me that virginity is seemingly the be all end all of final girldom. as if its their one and only trait.#it gets talked about so much to the exclusion of literally anything else that makes the trope what it is smh.#avpost#like when john jarpenter said she doesnt survive bc shes a virgin she survives because her repressed sexuality comes out and she uses#phallic objects on the guy well. that was also insane but its at least a lot closer to what i like about final girls over the common#analysis of 'laurie is a virgin and she got to live therefore virgins get to live and everyone else must die'#bc to me the most appealing thing abt the final girl is not how she starts the movie its how she ends it.#by going crazy going stupid and attacking the killer w his own weapon and maybe killing him even.#i mean thats literally what makes her the FINAL girl. her ability to outlast.#its about like her tenacity her using her wits to escape/hide or her holding her own in a fight against this slasherman.#and thats why i have zero patience for movies like the burning where the final girl does fuckall and some guy does all the fighting#anyway yeah. i think we can and should do analysis of like the values that make it so that#not always but v often the good girl is a virgin and gets to live or w/e im just sick of that being the ONLY thing thats talked abt.#we need more diversity in the final girl metanarrative ecosystem if i have to read one more ~self aware~ horror story abt virginity ...
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#we had a discord meeting with friends and thing is. i told everyone today that i got a soul crushing diagnosis#literally never cry to my friends but bawled my eyes out on a#whatre they called. voice message? yeah and one of my friends sent an empathetic text back in the group chat#one friend called and the other texted too but then in the discord meeting the first friend was really quiet most of the time and i was#glad to be thinking about something else than my stuff and be just chit chatting; when second friend asked the first if everything was okay#and ? she had the gall to say really angrily that no it isn’t and she has been crying like crazy all day because she feels like she isn’t#enough and does everything wrong#all the time. now this is not a new convo. we’ve talked about this vountless times and yeah she’s depressed clearly but doesn’t want to#admit it and i’ve told her (after comforting her many times) that she should really go talk to someone about it because if she just keeps#crying go us we’re just gonna go in circles and she isn’t gonna feel any better. like i’ve said everything that i possibly could to make#her feel better. and she has the GALL to say she’s been crying her eyes out when she KNOWS i literally heard i’m gonna lose feeling and#motoric skills in my hands and feet. and nothing can be done about it. and i for once showed how awful that felt.#i quickly told her that i hope the feeling passes because it’s baseless and she’s enough and worthy and really dear to all of us and then i#went to the toiler for a short while. and thought like. why couldn’t i judt once have said like. i’ve been crying about other things#altogether like hinting to the fact that that wasn’t appropriate. because she’s not gonna change. i should’ve said it for once because the#circle is just gonna continue. like. fuck#and at the same time i understand i really do but i don’t think however miserable i was that i couldn’t put my own worries aside at least#for the day. like TODAY i found out today . so if she’s miserable in her relationship (which i originally said was a bad ideaaaa) and it#makes her feel overall bad#. just!!!!! ahhhh. keep it to yourself for today. like i could’ve talked about my problems but i didn’t. so#v.personal#if you read this sorry sldntbtb#but also thank you. i’m not in a good place myself and i feel awkward and i know it can be taxing to read other people’s personal stuff on#your dash so if you did read this thank you
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i have split my self-taught korean lessons into a Morning Block and an Evening Block. classes start monday evening and end friday morning. in the evenings, i do the textbook portion of an entire chapter of this book. takes like 30 mins and then i have to spend forever manually making quizlet flashcards bc this book has no online resources beyond the listenings. then i practice the flashcards a little, sleep, and wake up. in the morning, i practice the flashcards again and then i do the workbook portion of an entire chapter of the book. takes like 30-40 mins. then i usually take a nap. in this way, i am sleeping between almost every Session of my class to ingrain the information on my brain, and am completing 4 chapters per week, which is great because i already know the content of like every single one of these chapters atm and just need to get through them to get to the stuff i dont know. i would say the most valuable asset this book is providing me is the structured vocabulary lists since amassing vocabulary is the hardest part of learning a language, for me. i also think the workbook is deeply useful. i kind of wish there were more workbook pages per chapter. because putting the language to use is the best form of practice. and as such, the thing my self-taught korean lessons is lacking the most is conversation in korean with other humans.
#if i tried to converse with jiwon in korean he would talk too fast he always does idk why he does that.#i understand that i need to get used to how people really talk but i'm literally just starting. chill. slow down.#and i dont want to make him go Teacher Mode bc he's not my teacher and also? i do not vibe with his teaching style#every time he tries to teach me something or answer one of my questions it goes crazy out of hand and i cry idk why#and also yesterday i saw him teaching jenni's class a little and also did not like how he was teaching her#obviously if she likes it that is her business but i would die if that was my class#so anyway. i am thinking of picking up lessons that are purely conversational. like i send the vocabulary lists for the week to#my tutor and then we have slower and easier conversations about the trivial topics in the textbook so i can start to practice#like i guess my thing is if i asked jiwon to have a conversation with me that used month/day negatives locations easy adjectives and verbs#he would 1) use a bunch of conjugations i dont know and then spend 20 mins explaining them to me#and 2) use the tone of voice he uses when he speaks easy korean to me that feels very very pandering and is usually fine#but makes me feel really dumb when he uses it while im trying to study#so i just want to avoid speaking to him in korean until i am fluent basically because i always feel really dumb when i try#i know this is impossible but its still what i want.#t
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the problem with vaush’s anti theist argument is he assumes that people just blindly follow whatever a book or religious leader tells us the gods want rather than ever thinking on our own also he’s heavily relying on an argument that religious ppl think their gods word isn’t anything you can go against ever so if they tell you to rape and murder people then its fine to do so but like.... i really dont think any religious person is like this?????? i dont even think rapey serial killer religious people are like this??? like religion is always a front or a justification for their actions i dont think they genuinely believe god came down and told them it was fine i think they know they twisted what they heard/read to their benefit. the problem is with manipulative ppl who are able to take leadership of some sort over a group of people and twist the narrative to their benefit for whatever they’re gathering for, which can obviously happen in literally any kind of setting
#i really find it hard to believe that ppl who do immoral shit actually believe thats what their god wants or asked for.#like i think cases like that are far and few between#they *know* deep in their heart they're reaching for justifications to abuse other ppl and thats rly it#abusers do this. ppl do this in political spaces. ppl do this with science. ppl do this with conspiracy theories. ppl can decide to crazy#shit from literally nothing i swear its not unique to religion.#and it can be just as hard to rationalize with someone if they're just a stubborn prick who never thinks theyre wrong science or religion#it has a lot more to do with emotions and maturity and peoples pride than it does with religion broadly. imo.#ppl not willing to be swayed by arguments for why their actions are immoral inspite of being taught religiously its fine are 100% doing it#out of pride and an unwillingness to be wrong or see flaws in their actions. which is purely an emotional reaction. not some irrational m#agic woowoo one.#it almost seems like he thinks religious ppl are all robots being fed information with no autonomy of their own like dawg lol#wat#or like they're all dumb and reject science and can never ever think of things from a 'rational' or 'grounded' standpoint#i kinda think he believes religious/spiritual ppl are like. a disease the way he talks about it#or like an addiction ppl just need to 'heal' and essentially get over#like im sorry but theres no way you're gonna be able to exclude religious/spiritual ppl and not hurt them#theres so many cultures and practices and beliefs that have fought so hard to stay alive from colonization n shit and idk.#its just kinda insulting to hear imo when thats the case. cant imagine actually being from a barely surviving religion n hearing that shit#also he kinda seems to have a really christianity informed view that like everyones gods are something above you that has ultimate power#over you or else but like. ive come to the conclusion that my gods are all inside of me in a way? i dont really have this dualistic view of#it nor is it really all that worshippy. all of my actions towards my gods are based on emotions and what feels right outside of their-#interests. i dont see my gods as being so black and white my way or the highway like that?#for me i personally have the philosophy of only 'wroshipping' a god if i genuinely feel some sort of connection or i like them somehow#i do actually see them as my friends sometimes bc i also practice bhakti. i dont do whatever for them out of obligation just like#'this would make my friend happy' and also. idk. in hinduism the gods kinda worship eachother too#because they're friends and they respect eachother and like eachother so they do that sorta thing for eachother.#thats kinda the way i see it. i offer my food bc im sharing my food. etc. i also dont believe people have to directly worship them to gain#their blessings. i think ppl who dont know shit abt them can recieve their blessings. i sure as fuck did i feel.#general gratitiude goes a long way in my experience.
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