#why am I posting at 4am? stupidity.
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Do u know any good mob psycho 100 fanfics?? Or authors??
well obviously my sister but I’m guessing you’re the same anon so 1) you already know her fics 2) you want different recs from what’s on her list (some of them being fics I rec’d to her lol). recs will skew heavily seri/rei and I’m just going through my bookmarks so it’s gonna be most recently read to oldest read. also seconding sister’s recs of bobmoss and crookedturtle. but I’ll add a fic from each anyway because I already wrote something for one while I was drafting this (oops)
Recollection by CowardlyBean
This is the journal of missing 31 year old Reigen Arataka, distributed with permission from friends and family. The version presented in this document has been kindly edited with added commentary by a loyal customer of his. -Editor’s Note
gen, experimental and in progress at 14k so definitely deserves more love than it’s getting. inspired by house of leaves; as the summary says, it’s some rando writing annotations about reigen’s journal, but Something Weird Is Going On. the 4th chapter updated so I actually need to catch up. also, sister rec’d this fic to me
Like Acid Reflux, or Love by partingxshot
Dating Reigen is like dating a single dad—only with more children, weirder scruples, and an extreme ruthlessness vis-à-vis group takoyaki discounts. He's not hot enough for this.
OR: "Me, You and Steve" by Garfunkel and Oates but with fifteen million teenagers.
OR: Outsider POV exploring Reigen’s dedication to his gaggle of bizarre children through an ill-fated dating attempt.
OR: Serizawa gets bruxism.
gen(/pre-relationship seri/rei), oneshot, 7k. oc/reigen breakup lmao. extremely funny concept, extremely good execution
Dream Dial by Alakazamboni
For the better part of nine years, Arataka has proudly worked in customer service at a behemoth of a company. At least, that's what he remembers, but a strange illness and a mysterious caller keeps trying to convince him otherwise. It doesn't help that this caller has the power to distort reality.
seri/rei, in progress, 16k. great uncanny atmosphere, and also reigen is trapped in time prison as a miserable office worker. hasn’t been updated for a while but read it anyway, the stoping point is fine
What We Make by crookedturtle
Reigen and Tome are kidnapped from the Spirits and Such office to be used as leverage against Mob. They have two goals: to contact the outside world, and keep each other safe. In doing so they engage in a dangerous game of lies and manipulation with their captors—a game with potentially deadly consequences.
gen (bg seri/rei), complete, 36k. Good for whump and high stakes interpersonal maneuvering & drama. I liked how the story extends beyond rescue and goes into how everyone navigates the fallout
Man's Best Friend by bobmoss
A cursed dog gets left at Spirits and Such. Anyone who pets it is doomed to die a horrible death.
Reigen, of course, pets it.
seri/rei, oneshot, 4k. funny and cute and sweet :) there’s a very charming tentative & tender vibe
heart line by ruthwrites
It doesn’t really matter, he reminds himself. He’s making a change, just like all of Reigen’s clients. What’s on his hands isn’t set in stone. He just has to make sure Reigen doesn’t see it— even if it might feel nice to have that steady attention, Reigen’s hands that are so much nicer than Serizawa’s folding around his.
(or: Reigen starts offering palm readings as a service, leading to Serizawa having to confront his feelings for his boss.)
seri/rei, oneshot, 6k. getting together fluff, a fun light read that also highlights serizawa’s insecurities—the internal narration has good character voice
If you won't believe me when I say it, believe me when I don't by deathdefied
Two years after Reigen invited Serizawa to work for him, he still can't quite categorize his feelings for his coworker. Instead of actually dealing with those feelings like an adult and talking to his friend, he decided to get really paranoid and overthink everything Serizawa does.
seri/rei, complete, 26k. reigen drives himself nuts lmao
Obvious by skeilig
Tome’s perspective on Reigen and Serizawa’s developing relationship.
gen (but about seri/rei), oneshot, 3k. I like outsider perspective getting together fics, especially when the perspective character is like ‘I’m actually not invested in this except when it affects me directly’
Cover Me by flecksofpoppy
Reigen’s shadow seems longer as the days move forward, more solitary. The cuts on his face heal and the ache in his bones go away, but a new sting replaces it. It’s loneliness, the thing he had managed to avoid ever since a primary school-aged kid who could make cups float stumbled into his office so many years ago.
seri/rei, oneshot, 3k. getting together fic that shows off a little of reigen’s gloomier side, it’s cute
loved you just a little too much by shcherbatskayas
You learn how to let go.
(It doesn't come naturally.)
gen(ish), oneshot, 2k. 2nd person character study of serizawa’s relationship with touichiro, I liked the ambivalence; effectively captures development over time with a relatively short wordcount.
offering genuine help with genuine results by suitablyskippy
“The curse was pretty clear on me not telling lies,” concedes Reigen. “It was pretty clear on me telling the truth. But,” as he lifts one finger, already sliding into the same educational tone he generally uses for imparting wisdom to Mob about life and love and the overall holistic benefits of making sure he’s always available for unexpected overtime work on weekends, “telling the truth isn’t necessarily the same as being honest, is it?”
“You’re the professional liar,” says Dimple. “You tell me.”
(Being cursed to only tell the truth and being cursed with Dimple as an employee are pretty much equally bad, as far as Reigen's stress levels are concerned.)
gen, oneshot, 2k. the tags include friends with no benefits whatsoever, which is very apt. Very funny to have reigen and dimple be petty and shady
a slightly more miraculous miracle by suitablyskippy
“Rumour has it that something impossible’s happened. Something that could never have happened. That shouldn’t have been able to happen.” In a single slick move Mezato produces a tiny voice recorder from an inside pocket, flips it open and active, and holds it up before Mob’s mouth to ask him, in a tone of devastating intensity: “Do you know anything about… a miracle, Mob-kun?”
Mob doesn’t hesitate. “We had maths homework to hand in,” he says. “But now we don’t have to. We don’t even have to go to the lesson.”
(The sun is shining, the birds are singing, Salt Middle School has been closed by an unexplained miracle, and the only thing wrong in Spice City is the fact that nothing is even slightly wrong at all.)
teru/mob, incomplete, 55k. for the most part I haven’t been repeating authors on this list, but listen. listen to me. I need you to listen. it is extremely unlikely for this fic to ever be completed. but hark, lest this sad probability turn you away and leave you dispassionately scrolling to the next fic, I need you (you specifically) to know that if I were in the same room as you, I would be wrestling the phone/mouse/trackpad/touchscreen/etc from your hands and furiously clicking the link. when I bookmarked this fic in 2017 I described it as having “some breathtakingly sensical prose and the funniest misunderstandings I’ve ever read”. trust me from seven years ago. open your heart.
skylight by inexhaustible
unconnected snapshots in what might, in some worlds, be something a little like recovery.
seri/rei, oneshot, 2k. character study that nails the tension of an escalating romantic atmosphere.
come on, come on, come over (take it off your shoulder) by mortarsmayfall
Reigen's free hand cradles Serizawa's head, curled under his ear just so to turn it for a better angle. He feels his pulse pound under Reigen's fingers, shivers just the slightest bit. If Reigen notices, he doesn't say anything about it.
seri/rei, oneshot, 2k. when I first read this I saved it as a private bookmark because I was so embarrassed by the sheer intimacy of haircuts with severely unresolved sexual tension. I’m guessing this was written after studio bones gave us reigen cutting serizawa’s hair. crumbs no more; for once we had a feast to enjoy. short & sweet getting together fic
Off-White by reigreitz
Some habits are tells.
seri/rei, oneshot, 1k. snapshots of pre-relationship and established relationship scenes, I’m quite fond of it. on my first reading I’m pretty sure I remember not paying attention to the habit piece at all (even with it being right in the summary) so at the last scene I was hit by the double whammy of ‘oh so that was what serizawa was reacting to’ and ‘AW… THAT’S SWEET…’; I think the fic does a great job of hiding/not acknowledging certain things the perspective character knows and is reacting to, which makes it fun to reread and pinpoint what exactly serizawa’s previously more opaque train of thought was. like, it’s the same stuff, but you get to read into more nuance.
the seven stages of falling in love by reigen arataka by matsunoble
You suppose one of the weirdest times to realize you've fallen deeply and irrevocably in love is when it's fuck o'clock in the morning and you're blearily checking your fridge for leftover curry.
seri/rei, oneshot, 3k. I was quite taken by the mundane (and sometimes unappealing) descriptions of love, and I like when serizawa has the upper hand
Mr. Psychic by beefstatic
Looks like trouble in Spice City...
seri/rei, oneshot, 4k. Serizawa Acts Like An Intimidating Bodyguard During Tense/Shady Situations. fun emphasis on that potential aspect of his character, I like how it’s done.
Late by hamlingo
For the first few days after hiring Serizawa, Reigen couldn’t help but be alarmed when the door opened at eight o’clock sharp in the mornings. He got used to it eventually, and in a month’s time he was more surprised when the door didn’t creak open right on time.
This was one of those mornings.
seri/rei, oneshot, 2k. this is actually among the first seri/rei fics I bookmarked so I can say with relative certainty that on may 20th 2017 I decided that maybe seri/rei was not just a joke of me indulging my own spurious unreasonable whims. fun character study and has that enjoyable tension of pleasant pre-relationship uncertainty.
Quiet Talks by krypkaktus
At some point, Reigen cutting his hair twice a month had turned into a mutual habit.
seri/rei, oneshot, 600 words. another charming snapshot of pre-relationship uncertainty, pleasantly embarrassing unresolved romantic tension.
walk in by ruthwrites
It was then he realized that the reason Reigen and Serizawa were standing so close was because they were kissing.
Mob was not really sure what to do with that information.
(or: mob leaves something at the office, comes back, and walks into something he wasn't supposed to)
seri/rei, oneshot, 3k. an extremely popular fic for extremely valid reasons, this is a shining example of the outsider POV shipfic where the perspective character is like. I’m 14 and did not want to see you guys kissing. and the couple is like. we also did not want you to see us kissing, this is excruciatingly awkward.
tomorrow isn't always another day by suitablyskippy
It’s like Reigen’s been waiting for the question. He stops dead on the pavement, grips Mob by the shoulders, and stares down into his eyes with an expression as haunted as though every ghost the pair of them has ever exorcised has taken up residence behind it. “Mob,” he says. “Mob,” he says again. “Tell me, Mob. Look at me and tell me. Tell me truthfully. Do I look cursed to you?”
Mob looks at him, and tells him truthfully. “No.”
“Well, you didn’t look very long,” says Reigen. “Let’s just stand here for a moment, like so, and you can have another look, a nice long look, and really think about it...”
(There's nothing strange about being called back to exorcise the same haunted photocopier six days in a row. It must just be a very haunted photocopier.)
gen, oneshot, 18k. I didn’t mean to rec the same author three (3) times but this is also one of my top faves. extremely funny time prison where nobody is on the same page ever.
space voyage by Anonymous
Tome Kurata is slightly famous—or notorious, more like—for being... a weirdo, to put it simply. She's definitely a person of interest. Just not exactly in a newsworthy way, which is obviously the only way that matters.
mezato/tome, oneshot, 1k. charming pre-relationship contention, they’re the same type of self-absorbed and tunnel vision (affectionate)
I was thinking of not writing up recs for sister’s fics but since one author got three (3) fics on the list I’m gonna also put 3 of my fave fics of sister’s
Reigen's Comprehensive Fool-Proof Guide on How Not To Be Next Door Neighbors With Your Employee (because that'd just be creepy) by MalkyTop
Reigen hires Serizawa and they somehow end up as roommates.
seri/rei, complete, 17k. a fic sister wrote for ✨ME✨ that shows off reigen’s neuroticism and his decidedly not-normal attempts to come across as Extremely Normal, The Most Normal Man Alive. there are so many comedic setups and payoffs. there are so many shenanigans. reigen gets frog-boiled into romance. actually, I drop that term a lot but I’m not sure it’s a common enough to intuitively understand. it refers to the boiling frog metaphor
If At First You Don't Succeed, Find a Loophole by MalkyTop
Reigen keeps dying; Serizawa keeps trying to save him.
seri/rei, complete, 18k. sister was insane for this because she trapped all of her readers AND herself in time prison by releasing one chapter a day. it was really funny to witness because I was the only person not in time prison by virtue of editing privilege. while we were watching mondays: see you next week (an office time loop movie), sister was saying she was impressed at how effective/efficient the movie was at picking which scenes to repeat. this is to say, as someone who notices these details, sister was very intentional about when things changed and how things changed from the perspective of a character completely unaware of time prison. also, the emotional momentum is extremely good, I loved reading serizawa’s increasing desperation from reigen’s context-less perspective.
in absentia* by MalkyTop
After what was supposed to be a routine exorcism, Reigen wakes up in the wrong body.
serirei, complete, 26k. slowburn bodyswap with mystery and intrigue. a solid casefic! I can be biased and right. there are metanarrative elements that I find fun and that, in my opinion, highlights how sister did in fact get a degree in philosophy. there’s also some fun subtle and messy characterization notes, like when serizawa asks reigen not to cook for him. it’s hard to talk about what I like about this fic without giving away a lot of specifics, so go read it.
#orlbs#mp100lb#mob psycho 100#long post#…I SPENT SO LONG ON THIS AND FORMATTED IT ALL ON MY PHONE SO EVERYBODY CLAP AND CHEER#why did I do it on my phone? bc I am lying in bed and didnt want to move#why did I spend so much time? bc I got carried away#why am I posting at 4am? stupidity.#why isn’t this under a readmore? because fic recs deserve to be seen. I’m adding an element of hostility for spice.#fanfiction#ask#anonymous
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#i don't know what the hell possessed me to make this at 4am but i did#this is so stupid and yet this is so funny to me why#whose gonna be the JohnnyCash to my ChonnyJash 💔#worst thing I've ever typed#i do not listen to Cash at all. only time is like on the radio & i havent heard him [that i know of] since i was like 10-12 & I am almost 2#21* lol#but maybe love can change that ❤ [says the guy who is very aroace]#chonny jash#moss posts#has this joke been made before???? i have no clue
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#why the fuck did I ever start tagging text posts#I made the choice somewhere that I reblogged solely visual art and then started reblogging other things and felt the need to categorize them#just in case someone was as weird about it as I was. but none of you are. at least not the I can tell.#I've been curating in hopes of finding someone similar to me. a stupid wish and a hopeless cause#I went to sleep at 1am and woke up at 4am and I want to get run over by a steamroller everything hurts and I hate it#why the fuck did I start tagging tag rambles either. deal with it#idk. I've been a lot more annoyed and straight up mad. I've been blocking old mutuals who try and talk to me too much#we aren't friends we aren't friends we aren't friends we aren't friends I am just some fucked up creature you watch at the zoo#if we were friends we would talk if we were friends I would know who you were if we were friends I would block you at 2am in a fit of anger#this isn't implying I'm friends with any mutuals on here. I'm friends with some followers but tumblr is not the place I make friends#tumblr is the place I watch people and wish I could put a metal spike through their head.#tumblr is the place where I watch people and wish I could put a metal spike through my own head#I get bored too quickly. I don't allow myself to get bored quickly enough. I am too angry but I don't allow myself to be angry enough#I had a million dreams but none of them were good. a million dreams and all of them cold and shivering#I slept on the floor last night because the bed is too painful. I almost slept outside on the property's stone wall#brick under my head and stars over my eyes.#I think I've talked about how sleeping fucking sucks when going to bed is just intense fear time.#hands under the covers. eyes over the railing. soft footsteps on the carpet. raged breaths through my nostrils.#I should clear out a space under my bed again for curling up and sleeping there when things get like this#remember kids. you're never too old to hide under your bed in fear from the brain monsters#I say that as if 25 is old. idk. for people like us it is old. anything past high school is old. anything past college is ancient.#and anything past thirty is just overstaying the welcome inside your own mind. get your plans together already.#idkkkkk. it's just moving stress is just moving stress is just moving stress it's just#I keep reminding myself but knowing why I feel this way doesn't stop me from feeling this way.#it just makes me frustrated that I can't fix it already. I made a phone call but they never called me back so I have to call AGAIN now#ughhhh everything is hard and I know I'm not a failure but growing up being taught that people like me are failures.... guess how that ended
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hello! First thing first, I want to say how much of a good writer you are, I hope you know this 💕 second I have this idea of reader and Jamie dating, but nobody knows. One day reader is in the coaches room and starts yawning and Roy is like what's that 🤨 (something similar to that scene with beard after he gets back with jane) and reader answers with "you have been waking me up everyday at 4 am" or smt like that and this is how everyone finds out. I know you have already written something like this but I thought it was cute, so feel free to ignore
this was cute. you were right.
coffee at midnight
Neither you nor Jamie exactly decided to keep your relationship a secret.
“It’s not a secret, it’s private, babe,” Jamie insists. You just roll your eyes.
But like, it is private.
That means no instagram posts, no public dates, and no unasked opinions. It also means that Jamie gets a Polaroid camera (“so we don’t get hacked, babe,”), plans dates in his giant house, and keeps fans’ noses out of your relationship.
It also, also means that Roy Kent doesn’t know you’re in Jamie’s bed every morning when he knocks on the door loud enough to wake the dead.
You’re a week into these shenanigans, and you’re not sure how much longer you can handle it. You’ve barely been at Nelson Road for an hour, but you’ve yawned more than you’ve spoken. Jamie’s been sending you apologetic looks every time he passes you in the hall, but now the entire team is in the weight room as you bring the coaches their coffee.
You place Roy’s in front of him and he asks, “The fuck’s wrong with you?”
You glare. “Nothing. That’s rude to ask, anyway. I’m-” you pause to yawn- “fine.”
Ted looks between you and Roy. “Normally I’d side with the lady on this one, but you look dead on your feet. You been sleepin’ okay?”
“Yes,” you reply shortly. “I’ve been sleeping fine. I just don’t get a lot of it these days.”
“That sounds decidedly un-sexy,” Trent calls from his desk.
You snarl, “It isn’t,” then realize that Trent is undeserving of your anger. “I’m sorry. I’ve been getting like five hours of sleep every night this whole week. Me and my boyfriend just moved in together and we both talk like way too much. So we usually don’t fall asleep until late.”
The room fills with whistles and hoots from Ted, Beard, and Trent. Roy is stoic as always.
“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” Ted grins. “What’s his name?”
You hesitate. You’re pretty sure Jamie would be okay if you told Ted, but you’re not sure you really want to. You let the silence stretch on for a beat too long, and Trent’s on you like a vulture.
“It’s someone here, isn’t it?” he asks.
“No,” you reply, but it’s not convincing. It’s hard for you to lie when you’re this tired.
Jamie and Sam choose this exact moment to come into the locker room to grab water bottles. Jamie glances at you and you make the mistake of glancing back. It’s just for a second but Trent catches it with his stupid eagle-eyes.
“Oh shit,” he says.
You round on him. Maybe he does deserve your anger. “Don’t say anything,” you warn.
He zips his lips as Roy says, “Why are you being so fucking weird? We know you’re fucking lying. Just say which of these little pricks you’re dating and get some sleep like a fucking normal adult.”
“I’d be able to get regular sleep, except you’ve been waking me up at fucking 4am!” you explode.
The room goes silent.
“Fuuuck,” Roy whispers. “Fucking Tartt? You’re dating- fuck, you moved in with fucking Tartt?”
“Yes,” you groan, “We’ve been together for six months and it’s probably the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in, and I know how it sounds but we really like each other. Higgins already knows because of HR shit but other than that, it’s been private.”
Ted and Beard have matching open-mouthed smiles. It would be a little scary if you hadn’t known them for as long as you have.
“That’s the most adorable shit I’ve ever heard in my whole life,” Beard says.
“Hold on,” Trent interjects, “does this mean you and Jamie have been staying up late every night talking?”
“Yes,” you reply primly. “And then this prick bangs on our door at fuck-thirty in the morning and I’m awake for the rest of the day.”
Roy says, “Right,” very slowly. “Is that fucking why he wasn’t wearing fucking trousers?”
All eyes turn to you.
“I’m not answering that,” you say. “In fact, I think I hear Higgins calling me. I have to leave right now.” You back out of the room and down the hall before anyone can say anything else.
The coaches’ office is silent for a moment before they all clamor out of their seats to chase you down the hall. They have so many questions but first, they’re going to yell at Higgins for keeping it a secret.
#jamie tartt x reader#jamie tartt fanfiction#jamie tartt imagine#jamie tartt x y/n#jamie tartt x you#jamie tartt#ted lasso
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God I am so so so sry for this but I got this idea at 4am and had to execute it so uh. Leitner rant but voxs turtleneck lets go
tw many caps ig
VOXS TURTLENECK?
STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING VOXS TURTLENECK GODDAMN RED FOOL BAD QUALITY DUST EATING RAT OLD BACKGROUND DETAIL SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST FANDOM DRAMA IN HAZBIN LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN KNITTED MOTHER FUCKING VOXS TURTLENECK
STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT VOXS TURTLENECK I HATE IT SO MUCH WHY DID IT HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP COLOR VARIATIONS WHY DID IT DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST TO HAVE STRIPES INSTEAD IS IT CURSED IS IT BASTARD TURTLENECK HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS TURTLENECK IN DETAIL AND I KNOW IT HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST KNIT PATTERN
GET AWAY FROM ME
If I wanted to go to heaven and god said Voxs Turtleneck somehow got there and is waiting inside Id piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down
If I have to deal with Voxs Turtleneck changing one more time in asks/rbs on onesidedradiostatic in tumblr not only will I close the the tab I will delete my tumblr account out of spite and have to build my following up again for the sole purpose of being able to ignore when it is mentioned or existing
I dont even know why I hate it so much its a low quality background detail but I am mad because I am angy
IT better have some fucked up answer to explain this if hes just some yellow striped sweater who Vox found at a garage sale and bought to wear once Ill go ham BETTER have the it make Vox even less appealing to alastor bc if it didnt Im going to make it
Paypal.com/IFuckingHateVoxsTurtleneck
Posts not even about him vaguely referenced whats supposed to maybe be a red turtleneck and I lost it
Where the fuck is Voxs Turtleneck if its still around Im going to so deeply wish it wasnt
Old ass knitted red sweater Ill punch Voxs Turtleneck and it sad frail old woolen rib knit pattern will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and it will disintegrate until all thats left of it is one strand of wool reads 'Now you fucked up' in old english
Im not breathing Im hyperventilating at this point I hope theres a confirmation given for what Voxs Turtleneck is or will be so I can stop arguing with ppl on tumblr abt it andthen everyday once a year I will do anything but think abt what is the color of a knitted turtleneck that belonged to a man who is still obsessing over someone who turned him down once and disappeared entirely for 7 yrs
__
Once again I am so sry Im going to sleep now. Have fun with voxs turtleneck (its red and knitted there are no stripes)
HELP WHAGTSYUHSOJD I had to search up what the original copypasta was oh my god
#ask#osrs.txt#my like singular fellow wtnv friend keeps trying to get me to listen to tma WHICH I WANT TO AT SOME POINT I just have trouble starting shit#vox's stupid fucking turtleneck
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Incoming rant because I think I'm overthinking things but I also feel like I'm not; I'm just overall upset and anxious and feeling so embarrassed for myself for being like this.
So cat guy is dry as fuck with his texts after the second date. Like... he doesn't message me as much anymore. He does initiate conversations but it's like, when I reply, he either emoji reacts to it or leaves me on read. He doesn't use as many emojis in his texts as much anymore, either. He used to send random reels and posts but now he rarely does that. I mean, he did send one at like 4am this morning so that's sweet, but would he have sent anything if I didn't initiate the conversation somehow? To be fair, he did send me a message like two hours prior to him sending that post, which was a response to a message I sent. So he kinda like... Did a double text lol. (This is me reading into things, and that's how I try to make myself feel better but it rarely works.)
And I just feel like things are off, y'know?
But I also feel like I'm overthinking things.
I'm reading into things too much now that I actually like him (apparently that's what I do when I like someone. I think I have attachment issues which I absolutely hate. I hate being like this. I hate being overly anxious and an over thinker. I hate being that annoying ass bitch who needs reassurance). I'm wondering if he even actually wants to see me again even though he did say he hopes to see me again soon after the second date, because maybe he's changed his mind. I keep looking back at past messages to see what's changed. I scroll back to the message he sent after the first date and compare it to the message he sent after the second date and am like... Hm. Different wording. Is this a sign of disinterest? Is he lying? Maybe he's lying. Maybe he doesn't want to see me again, but is only doing this to be polite.
I keep wondering if maybe I did something to make him lose interest (I'm assuming he has based purely off of his texts and shit). Is it something I said? Am I at fault here?
I keep obsessing over the little details, whereas I used to not. I keep re-reading old messages to see what's changed. And it just sucks ass if he has lost interest because this is literally a story of "He liked her first, she ended up liking him back, and now he's lost interest".
Granted, he does have work and university but even back then when he was busy, he'd like... Message me in between.
But then again, I can't just act like he's the only one at fault here (maybe he isn't even at fault and it's all in my head). I also feel like I should start to initiate things more. Maybe I'm showing signs of disinterest by delaying my response time whenever he messages me (my brain works in weird ways. Like, when I like someone, I feel like responding right away is gonna scare them off, because I don't wanna be clingy or needy or whatever which is really, really stupid, but I can't help it), and not messaging him first. Maybe he thinks, "Oh God, maybe she's not interested in me?"
Maybe my own messaging pattern has changed and he senses that, because I can tell you I was quicker with responses back then myself.
Maybe I'm the one who needs to do better (I know I should do better, honestly), so I'm thinking of asking him out on the picnic date we talked about; see if he's still up for it and gauge his interest that way. Am I worried about being rejected? Yeah, because damn, I like him, so that's gonna sting more if he isn't really interested anymore. We'll see if I'm actually gonna do that, knowing how much of a coward I am. This bitch can kiss someone but can't ask someone out lmfao.
I've just been moping about it for the past few days and spiralling about it and that's why I hate liking someone because this is what my overanxious brain decides to do whenever I like someone: overthink.
And like - I need to do something about it, and if it means I get the closure/answer I need then so be it.
Maybe these seven months of trying to find someone has taken its toll on me and if this falls through then I'll just... You know. Fucking sit back and stop finding someone and maybe hope for a meet cute in real life because I'm sick and tired of this shit. (I probably won't, I'm still holding out hope at this point.)
Maybe I'm just burnt the fuck out, you know?
I get over someone (who I've liked for seven fucking months, but they turn out to be a complete red flag) by liking someone else, but at what cost? My emotional well being, that's what.
My emotions are all over the place, my monthly visitor is here so maybe that's fucking me up even more, and I just want someone to hold so I can cry into their shirt or something because I'm SO DONE.
I just want someone to call mine but apparently that's a very hard ask, and seeing people holding hands and being cute on the streets... Like damn bitch, I want that too. And it feels like I'll never get that.
And also, most importantly, I also need to invest in a therapist because God knows I need one after everything.
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Guess what. Everything absolutely worked out. We are currently in our cruise ship room. The boat generally rocks and I am so stupid happy I have cried multiple times today.
Last night was tough. I had the thought about the boarding passes right as I was starting my post. Which is when we realized we never got any and that lead to a two hour absolute anxiety meltdown. I was sobbing at points. I thought I was going to be sick. I had to call my mom because I was in such a bad state. Sleep was very hard.
At 4am James woke me up and told me everything was fine. As soon as they opened the app the tickets were there to open. We took screen shots and James texted mom to let her know so she wouldn't be stressed either.
But it wasn't as much of a relief to me as I had hoped. I still felt super nauseous with anxiety. I would just sit in the bathroom on and off for the next two hours because I thought I was going to throw up. I never did but I did not feel well.
Eventually James held me and I was able to fall asleep for a few more hours.
James woke me up at 830. Which was a little later then we planned but ended up being the right call. I needed the rest. And I didn't need to pace in the room before our tour bus came.
I felt a lot better though. The relief wasn't exactly there but I didn't feel so scared. We finished packing up our bags. I got dressed. I love this new dress James got me last week. Makes me feel like a princess.
I was excited for the tour. I tried to eat my muffin we got at pike place and it was good but the icing/cream cheese filling was a little overly sweet and upset my belly a little more. I tried to sip my soda but it was just sugar on sugar and it turned my stomach a bit. Nerves were just this side of on edge.
We checked out of the hotel. The woman at the desk was so nice. She said she chose our room spacial for us. And that made me feel good. I love those little acts of kindness.
We waited outside for the tour bus. It was loud of there because of construction in the street. James had gone out earlier to get coffee and said they were glad it had been quiet then at least.
I wasn't sure where the bus would come. We knew it was a mini coach so it wouldn't need to much space. But because of the road construction the normal pick up spot was blocked. I went and asked the van driver for the hotel if he knew and he said by where the restaurant was. And he was correct.
Our driver was named Steve. And he was an absolute sweetheart. There was one couple on the bus already, who were also going on the cruise, and after we got on Steve took us to pick up one more woman who was just getting the tour and she was very nice.
The ride was fun though! Three hours, with 3 small stops for pictures. Mostly Steve just told us about all the neighborhoods and history. He was funny and kind. I really loved just watching the world but also learning about prices of homes and who lives where and why things were the way they were. In the late 1800s Seattle burned down because of a grease fire and so now all the old buildings are msde of brick. And I loved seeing the weird changes. Like all the buildings in that old part of town have an underground original first floor. So there is an abandoned underground city?? Wild.
We got to make a few stops. We would have about 20 minutes each time. The first stop me and James ran to the Klondike museum and I took pictures of all the signs so I can read them later. We bought a pack of postcards and took pictures in their fake general store. It was silly and fun. Honestly a really cool set up and I enjoyed it a lot.
Next we would go to the locks where the salon are like. Funneled? They weren't there but we did get to see some seals and a heron. A nice girl let me let her absolutely adorable dog who was a shitzu with some Brussels griffon and the dog was so soft and such a sweetie. And I just enjoyed the sunshine. It was a beautiful day.
Before we got back on the bus we went over to see where a blue heron colony has set up nests in the trees. And it was like wildly cool?? They were all making noises and they were super far up. It was fascinating to see.
The last stop was in thr Queen Anne neighborhood. Where we got to see an incredible view of Seattle. And it was just beautiful. We absolutely lucked out. What a beautiful day.
I felt a little nauseous though. Transitions are super hard. But now that I realize that nauseous feeling is anxiety I'm trying to say what I'm feeling. So I told Steve. That I was nervous about being late to the cruise. And he said I had nothing to worry about. And that really helped. Love Steve, best tour guide.
We did get stuck behind a train for a minute, but once it was past we were off the bus and he was giving us our bags. And we were off.
James lead the way. And we found the check in. And honestly it went super well. James set off the metal detector with their shoulder. But not a big deal. Our edocs worked just fine. And then we were in the final check in line to get our cards that are used for our keys, credit card, and everything else.
We were in that line for a while. Before we got in the line a staff member, an older black gentleman in an excellent hat, high-fived us for being on our honeymoon. And we got our picture taken but I don't know where those go. It was all just fun and good.
Once we got our cards everything moved fast. And we were on the ship!! Ahh!! It's big! And we are on one of the top floors. We went and found our room. And it's bigger then I thought it would be. No window, but that's okay. I was super happy to be here.
We took a few minutes to take some stuff out of our bags and put a few things away. And then we decided to go find food.
We went to the buffet. It was a bit loud but fun. We made a rule that if we get separated James will stay in one place and I will come and find them. And so far so good. The food was excellent overall. The coleslaw was to garlicy but everything was good and I am going to have fun trying stuff. I also have the ability to make Arnold palmer's and that is thrilling.
After we ate we walked a whole bunch of the ship. I am sure we missed stuff but it was fun just looking. The stores weren't open yet because we were still at the docks but there are literally multiple jewelry and watch stores. So weird. Also an art gallery where 90% of the art was horrifically bad. Makes me feel better about my art.
I was feeling a bit tired. I decided I wanted more pizza. So we went back to the buffet. We wanted to figure out how our cards worked at the bars to get sodas. But then James went while I sat at a table but they were gone for almost 10 minutes and I was so sad. Like I didn't know where they were and I felt like. Abandoned a bit. I know it was dumb but I got upset. Which made my food taste bad. Once James finally came back I felt a lot better. But I was a little tired.
Overtired. So we decided to go lay down for a little.
This did not work as well as I hoped. I tried to sleep. I got all cozy and put on my sleep mask. But then the captain and cruise director came on the intercom and we had to do an evacuation drill and we were confused about if we needed to go to our evac site and so we didn't. We just listened to the talk. But at the end the cruise director, Tiara, said we should all be at the sites. So we quickly got redressed and walked the 7 stories to go to the restaurant where our meeting point is.
The guy was nice and wasn't mad at us for being late. I was still tired but it was almost time for the ship to depart and I wanted to see that.
So we went back to our room and got my totebag to get together a few things. Headphones, a battery pack, my tablet. And we went to the observation deck.
That is on our floor. Which is excellent. And we went and found a couch with a view. And I went and got an Arnold palmer and James got a coffee and a cake. We found an even better couch and moved. And then spent the next few hours watching the water. Watching Seattle disappear. Watching the beautiful nature. I drew on my tablet and listened to music. And it was just lovely.
Eventually they turned down the lights. And people started going away. James decided they wanted to go and take advantage of the gym and go ride an exercise bike.
And I would just enjoy sitting and drawing. I was a little overly emotional, probably from relief, a lot because I'm so happy and feel so much love, I have cried a few times today. But it was all happy tears.
While I was sitting there drawing, a nice older woman from Singapore came over to talk to me. Her daughter in law wanted to buy me a drink because I was talking to them. And I was I'm good; but thank you! And I just really enjoyed our conversation. She also does art and is in a sketch club and was just a lovely lady. We talked for a while. But then she let me get back to work and we all just enjoyed the nature.
Eventually my headphones were dying and I wanted to go back to our room. Me and James decided if they came back and I was gone I would have only gone back to our room. I did make a lap around the deck to see all the sides, and then went and looked at the model of the ship to try to orient myself. And then back to the room. I got slightly turned around but I would find the room and everything would be just fine.
We had a voicemail which was weird. But it was just encouraging us to spend money on more cruises. And we had our event calendar for tomorrow. Which had so much and was a bit overwhelming. But it made me excited.
James got back soon and got cleaned up. They said riding was fun but they found the water distracting. Which I thought was funny.
Once they were cleaned up we decided we should get a little food before we ended our night. So back to the buffet we went. I think that's going to be a lot of our trip. Not mad about it. It's fun!
We got back there and James got a burger and I got watermelon and pasta. We got seats right at the front of the ship. We got to see the sunset and it was pink and breathtaking. I felt so happy.
We had our food. And split some eclairs. And laughed at a little baby who kept throwing sugar packets. It was just. Fun and good and I am in love and it is so nice.
We made another go of walking around the ship. We found many interesting things. I found an ornament that I am sure is supposed to be a towel (sea) monkey but James and the staff member think it is a bear and I am sure they are wrong!! But it was mostly fun to just be silly about it.
We found the arcade. Which was a little to much but we played a few claw machine games. And I won two small ducks! Which we can add to the duck I found earlier in the day!! I am rich in ducks!! I hope I find more because the one I found made me so happy cause it was so silly.
We got back to our room after walking everywhere. And I got showered and changed. I had washed all my socks in the sink almost as soon as we got here. And that made me feel better about stuff. And by this time they were mostly dry. Excellent. And I took a nice shower.
And now we are in bed. And I am tired. I am so glad tonight is not so full of stress. That I am being gently rocked by the movement of the ship. And I am so happy.
Tomorrow is a sea day. I don't know what we'll be able to see. But I hope we can spend a lot of time just watching the world. It's like the train but more. It's all a surprise. James also chose a few things from the events of the day to check out. And we have a reservation for dinner as t one of the nice restaurants. And I'm hope for a really good day.
I hope you all have a wonderful day too. Sleep well everyone. I love you.
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𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.
REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!
NAME: Sev
PRONOUNS : She/They!
PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Mostly Discord, but I can do tumblr too if needed/preferred
NAME OF MUSE(s) : Akira Kurusu! (For this blog anyway; if you wanted Discord we'd be here a while lmao)
EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG ( MONTHS / YEARS? ) : RP, since 2013-ish. My first-ever blog was made around there, and I've been RPing ever since, but I've been writing for a good few years before that. I'd saaaay maybe four or five? I can't check since I deleted all my oldest stuff, but it's around there.
BEST EXPERIENCE : In general, I'd say an RP I did with a pair of friends from another fandom with another muse from years ago - where my muse was being chased down by a worried friend after having run away (after either hurting them or BEING hurt, can't recall), and was offered a deal with the demon sin of Gluttony, which he took and has since forever regretted - that one took until 4am and was one of my favorites~ I don't think I've had something that's made me stay up that late just to get more of it, since.
RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : I definitely hate when people control my character - taking them and making them act or move more than just briefly describing them taking a thing in a plot/thread where we both know they're gonna take the thing.
One dealbreaker I have though - Guilt trips. I've had people do this to me before where for whatever reason, I didn't really wanna thread something - either the thread itself wasn't something I wanted to do or I just plain didn't vibe with their muse and made an effort to tell them as politely as possible that I didn't think my muse would be able to interact well, if at all, with theirs.
And always, ALWAYS the response would be them going to their blog, and vague-posting about me and how I should be writing with THEM if I wanted to rp so bad, as well as people guilting me into refollowing them after deciding I didn't want to follow them after all, usually for the above reasons of 'my muses won't gel with theirs after all, whoops'.
Basically - if you knowingly, intentionally, try to leverage my anxiety as a means to keep me interacting with you, you can consider me gone. For good.
MUSE PREFERENCES FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT : Fluff and angst are both amazing. Smut... Technically I'm okay with smut as a concept, but given the characters here are early-20's at best, and canonically in the range of 17, I do not want it on my blog in any capacity. I will block you if you try.
Romance is fine, don't get me wrong! I love doing soft fluffy romance~! But I ain't doing no sideways tango shit with anyone but my old Layton buddies, because all our muses there are grown men and women in their 30's and 40's at LEAST.
PLOTS OR MEMES : Plots. I am... extraordinarily bad at writing non-serious stuff. Even when I TRY to do sillies, they always come out serious. Sigh.
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : I can do both! Buuuut if we thread a thread long enough my replies WILL steadily grow stupid long. I don't know why. It just... happens... ;w;
BEST TIME TO WRITE : Any time! All time! As long as I'm awake! I have endless free time due to being pretty damn unhireable due to a perfect storm of people-based social anxiety, poor memory, and inability to develop marketable skills!
But yes - I'm awake and online pretty regularly any time between 9am and 12am Newfoundland time.
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : God I wish. I do channel a little bit of myself into them, and I wouldn't be surprised if that shows, but I'm nothing like Akira, nor any of his au's I've got in here. Don't have enough spine for that, lmao.
TAGGED BY : Stolen from @soulsbetrayed!
TAGGING : Go ham, my darlings
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A lot
I am going to make it a goal for myself to begin journaling daily again. I need this. It helps me a lot and I don't know why I stopped consistently doing it. I think ever since I started posting on my sneakyjuicebox Instagram account, I stopped relying on this as much. But that Instagram account doesn't actually share my true emotions so I don't think it is a viable source of letting my emotions out. I am going to make it a goal for myself to write something here everyday as a habit. Even if it is not a lot or even if it is something small.
A LOT happened yesterday. I am ashamed of a lot of it but I think it is important to write it all down so I can reflect back on it. Basically, Luca has been at Lake Como in Italy with 6 women and 2 men for the past few days. I was okay with all of that at first. Something that didn't completely sit right with me is that one of the women there is a woman that he has had a sexual relationship with in the past. And I kept seeing stories and posts of them together. Almost everytime I saw something from him, she was in it. And he explained to me that that was because she was also in a relationship so he thought that she was a safe person for him to hang around? I don't totally buy that because the time that they had sex in the past, she was also in a relationship... so it seems very inconsistent to me. That is beside the point. I was upset and not in-control of my emotions. I tried to workout to get past it but that didn't work. I had plans that evening with one of my new coworkers from the KYOJIN restaurant and he was going to come over so we could drink before we went to a party event. Before he came over, I was already upset from the Luca thing and I was not responding to what he was saying on Snapchat and I was not texting him on WhatsApp. Then, my friend got here and we began drinking and only like half an hour later, I was puking all over myself and my desk. He comforted me for awhile and then he ended up leaving. That was around 8:30pm. Then I fell asleep and woke up at 4am. Luca was upset with me at that point and left me on read on snapchat. Anyway, he called me out on Snapchat and we talked for awhile. He was upset that the guy was in my bed and I wasn't speaking to him. And at a certain point he texted me saying he loved me and missed me and I apparently replied with a video of me and the guy laughing. I take some responsibility for what happened the other night. Honestly, I will take a lot of responsibility for it. But it is just so frustrating for me as well because I feel hidden. It almost felt like he wants to keep up an appearance of being a party person. He says that he cant post me on his social medias because we aren't together. I suppose that's fair but even in the past, it has always felt like he doesn't want to be seen with me by his peers. He could have posted me on his second account in the past? Also I mentioned that he hasn't officially asked me out yet. That it feels like he has one foot in the door of being in a relationship while maintaining another foot outside the door of being single and free to do as he pleases. I just dont want to be taken for a fool. And I even outlined that him posting online with all of these women, with Sebastian on his account, I guarantee his stories were screenshotted and sent around and I look stupid for having a boyfriend who goes around and parties with a bunch of women. I'm not sure. I think we have worked past it. I'm not sure how we will move forward with this but I think only time will tell.
#journaling#jorunal#my journal#diary#tumblr diary#dear diary#my diary#journal#feelings#venting#relationship#communication#deep thoughts#emotions
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ok guys it’s me 😼 i’m back
you need to buckle up cuz i have major tea 🫖
so basically i made this fake snapchat acc when we were still talking and lowky had like a lil thing and i added him and i was like “wyll??” and he sent a pic and i go “ur rlly cute. you single?” and he was like “ya” and THEN WHEN WE STARTED DRIFITNG HE ASKED THE ACC “you send?” AND I GO: 😧😲 so now i’m completely icked out like wtf bro. like hell naw get away from me.
ok also so after i unadded him it was like 4am right and i was on call with my friend and i was having another crisis and i just decided t fuck it and add him back to see if he said anything and was just like “??” so when he found out i added him back he went on the chat and goes “damnnnnnnn” and UNADDS ME. I WAS ASTONISHED. so i texted him cuz i’m so damn desperate it’s embarassing and IM SO STUPID AND I SAY “stop i’m sorry 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭” AND HE LEAVES.ME.ON.READ.
i actually cant face him ever again AND IM GONNA HAVE TO FACE HIM AT ONE POINT LIKE WHAT.
😁- 😼
i need u to step back and stop drinking dumb bitch juice bc wth
"he sent a pic and i go “ur rlly cute. you single?” and he was like “ya” and THEN WHEN WE STARTED DRIFITNG HE ASKED THE ACC “you send?” AND I GO: 😧😲"
uh. huh.
"i just decided t fuck it and add him back to see if he said anything and was just like “??” so when he found out i added him back he went on the chat and goes “damnnnnnnn” and UNADDS ME."
.....
"so i texted him cuz i’m so damn desperate it’s embarassing and IM SO STUPID AND I SAY “stop i’m sorry 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭” AND HE LEAVES.ME.ON.READ."
he was texting you at 4 am. he was horny. you didn't supply and made him feel weird. you hit him with pre post nut clarity.
why would you apologize here?
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okay its 4am iv been up for. almost 24 hours andi feel myslef spiarloing aggh. why am i like this lucy why di i do this to myself i also just went to csweekly and instead of queing a post were i fake how i excited i am just went fuck it its on pause no one seems to care abt this show anymore so why am i doing it bc im already so sick of running tihs blog nad then had a realization abt how dead the carulia and other cs tags are of lik.e why tf am i doing tihs if im theo nly one who still cares abt this show kinda and csweekly is doing notihng to fix that lmao which hurts bc i dont want this fandom to be dead but also its not like im adding to it when all my energy is going into running the stupid csweekly blog anyway agh sorry for kinda venting like i said ot doing the best lol so im going to go to bed like RN but boefire i do okay this is gonna se so shirt bc im so tired i just wnat ot acutally sleep but i do rly wanna say thait had sosos much fun listeing to speak now tv together nad calling today it really was soso wonderful just like it always is to spend time with you love nadi hope you know that you really are just the most ownderful incredible firend in the world and bring me soso much joy nad light and happinesss and im soso lucky and grateful to know you my love and you just makem feelsoso lveod and cared for and safe and warm with you and you really do just meaneverytihng to me and i hope you know i lrealyl do just lvoe you osso very much my dearest, gnight <3 !!!!
aghhhh nauurrrr not thee 24 hours awake miseries :(((!! i hope u can get smmmm rest and sleep in smmmm u deserve it especially with having had to deal with cs weekly taking soo much of your energy for so long and the reception for it trailing off like-___-!! that is rlllyyy very frustrating to see happen with something your putting that much effort and time into especially for such an amazing show that u love so much and like not being able to just enjoy it like you should get to like:((( thats rlly rlly tough but im really proud of u for making the decision to put the blog on break since that really sounds like it is the best decision possible for u rn and whether or not u decide to take it off break ill either be happily waiting for it or happy to just watch cs whenever which ykw is easy enough for me since i rlly love watching cs and i esp loeve watching it with you:33!!! but yeah anyway omgg calling today was sososoo much funnn im so glad we got to and yah ur just suchhh an amazing friend to me all around and bring smm joy and light to my world and u really do mean thee absolute world to me and!! i jsut love you sososo muchhh gnightt💕💕🫶🏻💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻
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so now that i’ve made the post on my positions, now begins the hogwarts legacy tag !
so i’ve switched between houses a long time, but i’ve found my love in slytherin
i’d just like to introduce the character i designed for the game : Jude Kelliwic’h (did i steal the last name from kaamelott ? yes)
headshot like she’s going to jail (she would, with all the crimes she’s committing) :
she used to wear this (left) when she arrived, for comfort, then she wore a white jumper with her green tie (that i accidentally destroyed. 🥲), and she finally switched to something that was comfortable and slytherincore (right) :
About her :
she was born and lived on the outskirts of london, in a small muggle village. half-blood, her mother was a suspiciously good gardener, and her father had always insisted that they tell jude nothing about magic unless it shows in her, so that if she’s more muggle than wizard, she won’t be expecting something grand all her life. the scar on the brow comes from an accident with a dog when she was 7 (hence why she has personal beef with every blackdog of the highlands). also what is it with slytherin girls and white hair i keep seeing it everywhere on y'all's OCs (they are beautiful slay queens) ; jude's hair isn't actually white WHITE, but extremely blonde. also you can't really see it there but her eyes are green (am i predictable ? yes). finally, around fifteen, it started to show, and she received the letter. and instead of being mad at her parents for keeping it a secret, she went upstairs, locked herself in her room for five hours, and when she came down, she had a plan. she told no one of that plan, but when fig came to seek her to take her personally to hogwarts before the school year, and the events that ensued, even if they were tragic, made her estatic. because that's the plan. becoming someone.
cold stares and unforgiving eyes, a satisfied smirk always waiting to show when she wins, straight nose giving some edge to her too-roundy-for-her face, an eyebrow always ready to arch along with a judgy stare-down, long hands with callous skin from all the work she's doing bare-handed, blonde, almost white hair carefully twisted to fit in the low ponytail decorated with the family heirloom coming from her muggle grandmother, green everywhere, she's so proud of belonging to the house of sly and ambitious ones.
A world unknown ? she's going to make it hers. powerful magic ? enemies will be out of her way if they wish to see tomorrow unscathed, or alive. she's the human embodiment of "it's not over until i win". studies until 4am, "i am the smart one", the library is her second home (after the slytherin common room), she will not let go of books until they are imprinted into her brain ; after all, she lost so many years already. trains her most powerful curses on every threat she sees, from blackdogs to trolls, mercilessly. using ancient magic brings a feral smile to her lips, she loves nothing more than summoning thunder during a duel ; every trace she meets, she feels it entering her very being, and feeling even a tiny bit more powerful after that gives her the motivation to continue going above and beyond.
she could be the villain, honestly, if it wasn't for her heart. she has a rule for the services she's giving : if she likes you, she 'll do it for free. if she doesn't respect you, she'll ask you for money. if she hates you, not only is she gonna ask for your money but she will also be as rude as she possibly can (can and will say "he/she/they deserved it" if you talk about a loved one dying/getting hurt doing something stupid/mean). and...i think at least 75% of the players love sebastian sallow, and so do i (he is SO FINE. and for what.). he piqued her interest during their first duel at hecat's class, she started to like him when he showed her his immense trust by showing her the undercroft. he is the only one she never lied to about the ancient magic. there is something about him that tells her she can put her trust in him. for other slytherins, ominis is intriguing to jude (she won't let him yell at her though, told him he could put his threats away real quick when he caught her coming out of the undercroft), but since he's sebastian's best friend, she's willing to be friendly. with imelda, it was a rivalry at first, jude having none of her shit when she accused her of cheating on the broom races, but they warmed up a bit when they realised they had the same taste for ambition and glory. midly annoyed by garreth weasley and his antics when they cost her points ; is most likely out of all hogwarts students to say "fuck you" to leandre prewett everytime she sees him and loves to hurt him emotionally. and that little hufflepuff she just met in care for fantastic beasts class ? she barely remembers her name for now but no one touches her, that's a rule. so, not so much of a villain.
it's jude motherfucking kelliwic'h, and she knows you'll remember her name that way.
#more posts will come !#do i have a god complex that i project unto every character i make ?#yes and not even my therapist can stop me#hogwarts legacy#la complainte de julot
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Make it good and make it painless
Isn’t it always the case that when you need sleep for that one night, more so than any normal night, you inevitably get no sleep. Just another of the ways our bodies aren’t the brightest sometimes. It’s like when people died of Covid; rather than the virus being what kills you, it is your own immune system going nuclear war in response and destroying your lungs in the process. Similar case with cancer. Or when you are thinking of a word, but the fact that you can’t think of the word is itself what causes you not to be able to think of that word. Why can’t you just work how we want you to work? Stupid bodies.
Anyway, I can’t sleep. So, I thought what better idea to sneak in one last little post. And I thought I would actually include a nice thing. Waking up at 4am is normally a bit of a nightmare (especially if you have just woken up from one). This morning, with my dog’s head on my chest and the birds chirruping away happily outside with a pleasant cool breeze drifting in, I found myself in a strange state of cerebral serenity. Was I inadvertently practicing gratitude for the better parts of life?
I am slowly allowing my view on positivity and having a positive mindset to shift slightly. I accept that it is a viable means by which many cope and overcome the more difficult parts of life. What I get really naffed off about is people who consciously externally show themselves having amazing, enlightening, incredible lives, preaching positivity to everyone else. It’s this idea of enforced positivity. I have tried thinking positively many times, and the problem I have had is it feeling like all the negative thoughts are being quashed and crushed, but never quelled. More and more are stuffed down into the back of the mind. Every time a bad thing happens or a bad thought appears, it is added to the already overbearing maras of negative and toxic thoughts, interpretations and emotions. And this works well. Until it doesn’t.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love volcanoes. Them, waterfalls and dogs are my three favourite things. And maybe add gin in there too. But in the above analogy, the bad thoughts and feelings and all the pain stowed away; it gets to a point where the pressure is too much. And just like a volcano:
BOOM. The top flies off. I go off the wagon. Probably ending up shouting at the people that love me as I let every bad thought come out. I think people in society have conflated positive mindsets with ignoring anything that isn’t deemed sociably ‘correct’, i.e. negativity.
And again, there’s nothing more annoying when people who seem to have it all going for them tell you to be positive and that things aren’t that bad. Because often they are shit. And you acknowledging they are shit gives me/people a release in that they are allowed to just say how shit things are without being made a pariah for it and have people distance themselves from you.
I think being grateful for the things you have in your life is really important in being happy. The problem is when you start forcing this upon yourself. Extolling to yourself “EVERYTHING IS AWESOME, EVERYTHING IS COOL”. When that simply is often not the case. As always, finding a balance is key. Being phlegmatic about things without leaning towards a hubris attitude may be a decent compromise. My issue is that I have a mood more volatile than potassium. Some days (especially recently) I have known nothing but darkness, dismay and despair. Other days I can accept my faults and my flaws; my ailments and my addled mind. Anyway, if anything can be learnt from my case, it is that one sure way to deflate someone’s ego is to take their independenceaway from them and the control they have over their future. Will definitely do the trick.
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hey hey! can u do some fluffy bucky about having to share a hotel room w u and there’s only one bed!!!! and he’s trying to be respectful n stuff but man does he have the fattest crush on u! thank u <333
HEY HEY YES OMFGGG THE ONE BED TROPE (ur mind😌🤝)
i’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE I DIDN’T EXPECT IT TO COME SO SOON
𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗱, 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗼𝘁𝘀 ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ ｡˚
pairing: bucky x fem!avenger!reader
tags: enemies(?) to lovers BABYYYY, angst, fluff
A/N: i almost always write about tfatws!bucky in mind but let me try and branch out by writing about avenger!bucky hehe
i hope u enjoy🥺💗i absolutely loved this prompt and loved writing this!!!! (it is almost 4am for me as i am posting this :) i’m insane :))
this oneshot will not be following the canon timeline!
word count: 2k
my masterlist!
completed requests!
“Stick to the plan, Y/N.” Steve’s voice came through over the intercom. She rolled her eyes at his warning. He always seemed to be extra cautious with her, making her feel like an unimportant member of the team, and this mission was no different.
“I got this,” she said, completely ignoring his request and charging headfirst at the enemy. Her brash decision resulted in her receiving a heavy beat down, ending up with a split lip and fractured ribs.
Needless to say, Steve was pissed. He and Y/N developed a close friendship over the years, during his search for Bucky. She was oftentimes the one who would stay up all night with him, looking for any trace of Bucky’s existence online. She’d become one of the closest people in his life, which is exactly why he was upset with her, endangering her own life.
After the mission, he confronted her at the base camp.
“You could’ve gotten killed!”
“But I didn’t,” she snapped back. “And the mission was a success anyways, so I don’t get why you’re so mad right now.”
Steve closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing.
“It’s reckless behavior like this that’s eventually going to get you killed, Y/N.”
Bucky walked into the room and immediately regretted his decision as soon as he laid his eyes on Y/N. He’d come to foster an animosity towards her, after seeing her close friendship with Steve. After Bucky joined the Avengers, he noticed how much time they spent together, and jealousy started to fester within him. Steve was the only person he felt comfortable being around in the tower and she constantly took him away from Bucky. Everyone else seemed to have an aversion to him, or so he assumed. He never gave anyone the chance to get to know him, locking himself up in his room most hours of the day. Bucky didn’t think anyone would want to get to know an ex-assassin, especially one that killed the Tony Stark’s parents. She was the one thing that kept Steve away from him and he despised it. So Bucky did what he did best and avoided any sort of interaction with her.
Steve looked at Bucky and suddenly, an idea popped in his head. He had noticed how closed-off Bucky had been since joining the Avengers and refused to let Y/N be alone, worried that she might make another brazen decision. He hatched a plan to kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
“Bucky,” Steve said, making his way over to him. “You and Y/N will be assigned to the same room tonight.”
Bucky choked on his own spit in response and Y/N began to protest.
“You’re not serious, right?” Steve turned to face her with a stern expression.
“You’re not giving me any reason to trust you to be alone.” She let out a defeated sigh and crossed her arms across her chest.
“Why me?” Bucky asked, trying to figure out how he ended up in this situation.
Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder and looked into his eyes. “Because I trust you, Buck. I need you to do this for me.”
Bucky could see the desperation in Steve’s eyes and reluctantly nodded.
Steve was able to obtain another key card to the hotel room that Y/N was assigned to for the mission. He forgot to take into account the logistics of the sleeping arrangements, leaving Bucky to find a single bed as he entered Y/N’s room.
Bucky froze, his right hand on the door handle, keeping it open, his left hand by his side, holding his duffel bag. He racked his brain, trying to figure out what to do, when Y/N’s voice pulled him from his thoughts.
“Relax,” she started, motioning for him to come inside. “I’ll sleep on the floor, alright?”
Y/N knew that Bucky didn’t like her, despite Steve trying to convince her otherwise. It hurt her feelings a bit, especially after she’d learned so much about him through both Steve’s stories and the time she spent tracking him down. He was such an important person to Steve, her close friend, and Bucky hated her. At first, she figured he was shy and wasn’t ready to open up to anyone else, especially after all the trauma he endured. But she realized he actively disliked her over time, with Bucky always leaving the room when she entered or ignoring her offers to hang out with her and Steve. Eventually, she gave up on reaching out to Bucky, as she only seemed to upset him further, no matter what she did. She figured it was for the best.
Bucky stepped into the room and shook his head.
“Bed’s too soft for me anyways, I’ll take the floor,” he grumbled.
Y/N shrugged in response, knowing that Bucky would be too stubborn to try and argue against. She turned around and picked up the phone, calling the front desk to ask for extra blankets and pillows. When she hung up the phone, she turned back to Bucky to see him nod in thanks.
The rest of the night was silent, as they both prepared for bed, taking turns going into the bathroom to wash up and change. While Y/N was in the bathroom, Bucky arranged the extra blankets and pillows into a makeshift bed on the ground, something that he’d done countless times before. Y/N exited the bathroom in an oversized t-shirt that covered her shorts, and placed her toiletries bag in one of the hotel dresser drawers.
“Bathroom’s all yours.” Bucky grunted in response, grabbing some clothes and a bag headed for the bathroom.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he stated, just before shutting the door behind him. Y/N scoffed at his comment, gently climbing into bed, in an attempt to not further injure her ribs. She winced as she tried to get into a comfortable position before settling to sleep on the side of her unaffected ribs.
Bucky emerged from the bathroom to see Y/N lying on her left side, her back towards him. He assumed that she had already fallen asleep and quietly crawled into his makeshift bed.
Approximately 10 minutes had passed, when he heard her sniffling. At first, he thought the noise was coming from outside the window, but he traced it back to her. He remained lying on his back for a moment, deciding whether or not to say something. Bucky sighed before speaking.
“You okay?” Y/N immediately stiffened upon hearing Bucky’s voice. She was hoping that he wouldn’t hear her crying, despite his super soldier hearing abilities.
“Yeah, ‘m fine,” she replied back, her voice wavering as she spoke. Y/N hated how weak and pathetic she sounded in that moment. Her fractured ribs made it hard for her to breathe and the adrenaline, that was previously shielding her from the pain, had faded, leaving her to lie there in agony. On top of that, she also felt that this mission solidified her belief that Steve had little faith in her ability to be an Avenger. The last thing she wanted to do right now, was to confess her insecurities to Bucky.
Bucky’s attitude softened, hearing Y/N’s voice crack when she spoke. He knew she’d gotten hurt due to her own, dumb, decision during the mission. Bucky quietly pulled his blankets off and stood up, leaving the room without saying another word. As soon as the door shut, Y/N burst into tears. Bucky did exactly as he’d done in the past many times before, leave. She wasn’t sure why this time upset her more than the rest. Probably because she knew that he was aware of her crying and he’d still chosen to abandon her completely.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening, causing her to stop crying. Y/N listened to Bucky’s footsteps growing closer, and felt the bed dip under his weight as he sat on the edge she was facing towards. She peered over the blanket she was covering her face with, to see Bucky facing her, holding a bag of ice, wrapped in a towel. Bucky’s heart sank at the sight of her glossy eyes and tear stained cheeks in the moonlight.
“For your ribs,” he spoke softly, gesturing to the ice bag in his hands.
“Oh. Thank you.”
Y/N took the bag from him, attempting to slowly sit up. She closed her eyes as she grimaced, and suddenly felt a hand on her back, helping her up. Her eyes opened to reveal Bucky, with a soft smile on his lips. She silently thanked him again, placing the ice bag on the right side of her ribcage.
“Thought you hated me,” she mumbled, keeping her gaze down on her lap. He furrowed his brows, keeping his eyes on her.
“I don’t hate you.”
“Well, you definitely don’t like me.”
Bucky paused at her comment, thinking about his next words, before responding.
“I don’t like that you take up all of Steve’s free time,” he grumbled, causing Y/N to quickly look up at Bucky, his eyes averting her gaze. Her face fell, immediately realizing why Bucky had treated her so coldly all this time. He just missed his friend.
“I’m so sorry, Bucky.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her in response. “I didn’t realize, I’m sorry.”
Bucky didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t expecting her to be so kind and understanding, even coming up with multiple points to argue back at her. He realized then that he didn’t know her at all, but that he wanted to now. In an instant, she became an entirely different person. He studied her eyes and wondered if they had always sparkled like that, if her cheeks were naturally rosy, or if her lips had always been so pink and plump.
His expression softened and he cleared his throat. “It’s fine,” he muttered, tearing himself away from her gaze to look down at his lap. After a moment of silence, Bucky stood up to return back to the floor.
“Stay.” The words left Y/N’s mouth before she had time to process them. Bucky froze and turned to face her. “I mean, if you want to, of course. Just figured the floor must be super uncomfortable for you.” Y/N felt a blush creep up onto her cheeks and kicked herself mentally. She looked down at her hands, regretting the words she spoke, before feeling the bed dip again. She looked up to see Bucky. He smiled and she almost melted at the sight.
She shifted over, putting the ice bag on the nightstand, as Bucky crawled into bed next to her. The two rested on their backs, both staring at the ceiling in silence. Bucky remained at a respectful distance away, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. Y/N turned on her left side, her good side, to face him.
“I’m glad you don’t hate me.”
Bucky turned on his side to face her before responding.
“I don’t think I could ever hate you.”
A strand of her hair had fallen in front of her face and Bucky, instinctively, reached out a hand to tuck it behind her ear. Immediately, he regretted it, about to pull his hand back when Y/N took her hand and placed it on top of his, guiding it to rest on her cheek. He cupped her face in his hand and she leaned into his embrace. Bucky felt his heart rate increase as she moved her body closer to his, wrapping the arm she used to hold his hand on her face, across his side. He shifted towards her as well, wrapping his arm around her body, bringing her closer to him.
“Is this okay?” He whispered, nervous that he might have somehow misinterpreted the situation. He hadn’t been with a woman in such an intimate way in years and had no idea what he was doing. Y/N looked up at him and nodded, before snuggling her face into his chest and Bucky felt a wave of calm wash over him.
“Can you stay here tonight?” Y/N mumbled, her face pressed into his chest. He chuckled at the vibrations from her voice and kissed her temple, smoothing her hair back.
“I’ll stay as long as you want me to, honey.”
#bucky barnes#request!#bucky fic#bucky barnes fic#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky imagine#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky oneshot#soft!bucky#shy!bucky#one bed trope#one bed#fluffy!bucky#soft!bucky x reader#shy!bucky x reader#fluffy!bucky x reader#fluff#accepting requests#imagine#oneshot#enemies to lovers#avenger!bucky#bucky x avenger!reader#avenger!reader#grumpy!bucky#angst#bucky barnes x female!reader#bucky x fem!reader
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Hi! How are you doing? ^^ ☆
Just wanted to know if you could make a headcanon about how would it be like after an argument with Armin? Please
Tysm for reading me, I love your work ♡♡♡
You're so sweet and nice ♡ of course I'd love to do one and tbh we must be on the same wavelength because i was just thinking about that yesterday!!!
I really liked your idea so imma do both a scenario and a headcanon! Hope you don't mind?
After an argument with Armin
{ Armin x reader | tw: hurt/comfort, self-image issues | angst with happy ending | modern }
{ "Moonlit View" byOscar Kleineh 1846 - 1919 }
Being with Armin had its many, many perks, one being that he's really empathetic and understanding, he doesn't assume things without evidence and knows misunderstandings happen.
When facing problems or disagreements, he thinks of a solution, not argue. He rather you work together against the problem than against each other.
Whenever you were in a bad mood he'd assume the best and think of what might have caused it instead of taking it personally, he knows you still love him, he knows you're just stressed. Maybe comfort could help? Maybe a lovely cuddly evening? Or maybe you need some space?
He's just really good at reading people's emotions and handling these situations, thanks to his efforts you both successfully managed to avoid any kind of arguments or fights most couples go through.
Which is why it was a shocking surprise to everyone when Eren got a call from Armin late at night, asking if he can stay over because you two just had, what he described as, the biggest fight.
Eren almost didn't believe him at first, he thought Armin was playing a prank on him. But then he heard the quivering in his voice and the hiccup that followed. Armin was crying, things were serious.
The last thing he said to you while putting his coat on was "I'm sorry, I'm weak, you and I know that."
Him saying that, in that tone, with those tearful eyes, made you want to get up and yell at him that no he isn't. He shouldn't just say that about himself like it's a fact and not just the results of years of self-doubt.
You wanted to hug him, to pull him closer till all those awful thoughts leave his head, till he sees at himself like how you see him, incredibly brave and determined.
But you didn't, you stayed there on the couch as he put his shoes on. His eyes pleading for you to say something, anything. To tell him to stay, to come sit near you. He even looked at you one last time before opening the door.
As you stared at him in silence, the realisation that you don't even remember what you were fighting about hit you, you can't, how could you? The minute the door closed behind him is when you realised how real the situation is.
How quiet the house is.
Has it always been this cold?
And just how much worried you are about him.
It hasn't been a full minute and you're missing him already.
—
It's 4am
It's hours since he left, how much exactly? You can't even remember.
Still haven't moved from the couch, you're not sure what you're feeling, you've been going through different emotions each hour.
Guilt, sadness, regret, anger, denial, pessimism, you name it.
It doesn't matter, none of that really matters to you right now. It's Armin who you've been worried about for a while that matter.
You know for a fact Eren and Mikasa aren't the most emotionally open people, you know Armin is already struggling with letting out his emotions without feeling needless guilt or shame.
You know he needs someone right now, he needs a shoulder to cry on and a reassuring voice. You've been both these things for him since even before you got together.
Just like he has been these things for you too. You need that someone just as much now. You didn't even know it's possible to feel this lonely.
Is he also thinking about you? Is he sleeping soundly on Eren’s couch? Or is that one stain from last week's party bothering him?
...is he just as miserable as you are right now? Probably not, you think. He's far stronger than he gives himself credit for, you know that better than everyone else.
Your thought process gets interrupted by a buzz from your phone, a text. Your eyes light up, you pull the blanket you dragged from the bed tighter around you, it's Armin.
[ hey ] it said, [is it okay if i call you?]
You reply back, he starts typing again, you stare at those three dots like your life depends on them.
[Okay, give me a minute please ]
You pull the phone closer to you, it's brightness contratsing against the dark living room. Some minutes pass...nothing, you feel your heartbeat rising. Phone still clutched in your hands.
It rings, it doesn't get past the second ring before you've pressed the accept button. You can hear the wind on the other side, alongside the distant sound of passing cars. Your heart only slows down after hearing the fimilar and oh so lovely sound of soft breathing
Suddenly the world doesnt seem so dim anymore.
"Sorry, it took more time than i thought, Eren keeps his keys in really weird places...I hope i didn't make you worry"
Oh If only he knew..
Dozens of possible replies run through your mind.
I missed you, did you miss me too?
Please come back, I hate feeling this lonely.
How does it feel to take my heart and run away?
Was your voice always this captivating or am i just high on sleep-deprevation?
I miss your kisses, i wish i could feel your lips against mine. Could you kiss me through the phone?
...in the end, you settle for "It's okay" you say, "It's alright."
"That's good...hey listen." You listen, "I'm not going to skirt around the subject, i called because" he takes a deep breath, "i want to apologise for how i acted, for what i said, both to you and myself."
Hearing him admit to his faults and own up to his mistakes, fills you with courage to do the same. You apologise, you mention how you've been thinking about him, you leave out the embarrassing parts.
You tell him you love him, and miss him.
You're met with silence. So you call out his name.
"Wait..you're not mad at me?" He says.
What? Mad? You?
"No." You say. "Why would you think that?"
You hear a chuckle that evolves into a laugh, it's contagious.
"Fuck...oh god I'm...im so stupid, i left because I thought you were mad and didn't bother you more by making you look at me." Even he seems to realise just how ridiculous that concept is.
It's 5am now, you're both laughing over the phone. The world is good again.
You ask if he's mad at you.
He instantly replies with a no.
"I could never be mad at you..." he says, "I love you so much it hurts. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before that it terrfies me, I'm scared one day I'll wake up and you won't be beside me anymore, you've made me love myself in ways i never though i would, you made me believe in myself because you believed in me."
{ Headcanons }
After an argument, Armin tries giving both of you space to calm down.
It doesn't last long because he will approach you after and talk about his emotions and explains why he did the things he did. He will also apologise for the things he did wrong like yelling or saying something hurtful.
If you give him the okay, he will instantly hug you. Physical touch is a great comfort for him so don't expect him letting you go anytime soon.
He will hold your face gently, tell you how much he missed you despite it being only hours.
Doesn't even care about the argument anymore or attempt to bring it up, he just wants to make up asap.
You're both gonna have a heartfelt conversation and actually process your emotions together. As a result you two come out stronger and closer after each argument.
He doesn't hold grudges, so he won't ever act passive aggressive after an argument. if he's got a problem he will tell you.
Just 100% honestly and transparency with this golden boy.
Will want to spend more time together post argument, he will really love it if you watch something together or you let him read you something.
Give him love and affaction, he loves you deeply it's actually rare these days.
When you go to sleep on those nights, he will hold you tighter and stroke your back.
He doesn't hold grudges yet he still remembers each fight you had and instead of it being a sour memory, he thinks of it as a learning block. Just a step towards understanding each other more.
Pamper him more after an argument and he will feel so loved, hearts in his eyes as you brush his morning hair.
#okay tell me why the fuck did I actually cry while writing this?#fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck#i feel so bad :"( i feel so sad#armin baby#im sorry#so so sorry#this took a lot of hours ngl#im proud of it#halfway through tumblr crashed and my progress was lost#armin arlet x reader#armin x reader#armin x y/n#armin headcanons#armin arlert#armin reader#armin scenario#Armin🕯#angst with happy ending#angst with comfort#emotional tbh#snk#aot#aot x y/n
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montreal - roman hurt/comfort
pairing: this was written to all be platonic prinxiety, but can definitely be interpreted romantically !
warnings: unconventional self harm, non-graphic descriptions of wounds/injury
summary: a post-POF roman hurt/comfort fic in january 2021? yes <3
word count: 3.2k
notes: large portions of this were salvaged from one (1) night last summer at 4am when i was having a . time. the rest has been mainly recently written before i go to bed, with some extra bits added during my history classes B)) also shout out to [REDACTED]. u may not read this but if u do, i hope u know who u are & ilu
Virgil had been trying to calm himself down for the better part of an hour, as soon as they got back from the wedding fiasco; and he was doing a relatively okay job. Considering the circumstances, at least. Or so he thought, when he registered a spike in Thomas’s anxiety. This only served to make Virgil more anxious, because he had thought he had been doing well—until, he realized it wasn’t anxiety, not exactly, not fully—and it wasn’t coming from him.
Once he'd figured that out, it wasn't hard to trace the feeling to the imagination. He paused at the door. If this was where the strongest negative emotions were coming from, he already knew which side this was about. And could he really be surprised? Roman had wanted that callback for so long. Even at the court case, even when Roman gave Thomas his sentence, Virgil knew it killed him. And Virgil didn't do anything. Because he was so fucking scared of Thomas being bad, or of Janus winning, or something, and now whatever was going on was his fault, and--
And now was not the time for these thoughts. He breathed in. He opened the door.
Immediately, he was coughing out soot, heat burned his cheeks, his eyes blurred with protective tears forming against the smoke. It was hard to see, let alone process, what was happening. Then, he caught sight of the Dragon Witch. And he caught sight of—
“Roman!” Virgil choked on the yell, coughing again.
Obviously Roman couldn’t hear him from the distance, especially considering the brutal roar of the creature. Adrenaline kicked in, and as Virgil began to sprint towards the prince, he took in the entirety of the scene with alarm. Roman was...fighting, sure, except that Virgil had seen him fight before, and this... wasn’t right. Roman bested manticore-chimeras like it was a breeze, he HAD bested the Dragon Witch herself in every form she took, “just for training.” He always moved like he was in a ballet, not a battle, like it was more for show than challenge, and now...
Virgil watched Roman fall to a hard swish of the creature’s tail, and stay there. He almost expected the Dragon Witch to take mercy, or at least, to accept an early victory. But he watched her rear back, raise a taloned hand, the magma-red in her throat glowing brighter and brighter—just as Virgil got close enough to let fight win over flight.
Virgil crashed into Roman; they rolled just far enough that the swipe of claws only ripped the edge of Virgil’s jacket.
Immediate danger out of the way, Virgil clenched his eyes tight, trying to do it how Logan taught him. He found something that didn’t make sense--the grass. The grass was dry, therefore it should have been burning, but it wasn’t. He took that foothold to dispel all the fantastical elements of the scene, Dragon Witch and all her carnage blinking from existence. The new calm of the scene was jarring.
That just left a great big field, Virgil, and one absolute dumbass.
"What the fuck, Princey?!"
Virgil’s voice was distorted with stress, and Roman stared up at him wide-eyed, unsure—even terrified in a way that hurt. Virgil quickly pushed himself up so he wasn't pinning the other. Roman tried to copy this movement, only to groan, start coughing, and fall back again.
“Shit, I—“ Virgil looked at his hands and found red on them, looked at Roman and saw the color painting his chest. “I thought I dispelled all the imaginary stuff, why—?“
“Left brain sides can only dispel so much of what right brain sides feel,” Roman said, voice rough and thin and upsettingly casual, “Since they feel so real to me, you can’t get rid of them.”
“They feel…? Christ, ok, you need a medical kit, uhm—“ Virgil closed his eyes again; he was notoriously shitty at summoning things, and he had to concentrate for this—
“That’s ok; I’ve got it,” Roman said, letting out a quiet hiss as he propped himself up on one arm, and summoned the medical kit with the other, “You can go now.”
Virgil gaped at him in disbelief. When Roman attempted to stand up, and Virgil could no longer deny he wasn’t joking, he exclaimed, “Like Hell am I going, idiot!”
Roman just stared at him, and Virgil cursed under his breath. “Ok ok, let’s just... we should do this in the bathroom, uhm—“
Virgil awkwardly clambered over to Roman again, taking his hand, so he could blink them over together. He knew it would probably be more comfortable for Roman to sink in and out, but considering Virgil wasn’t practiced at that, he wasn’t going to risk screwing it up.
They apparated into the bathtub, and Virgil scrambled up, taking the med kit from Roman's hands.
Ok, ok, now Virgil just had to remember that one time Logan lectured them all on “Side Safety.” He took a shaky breath and washed his hands quickly, before turning back to Roman. He allowed himself to fully assess the prince this time and… Jesus. He was slumped against the back of the tub, having given up his attempts at composure while he thought Virgil wasn’t looking. His litany of scrapes, cuts, bruising, his shallow breathing, and--most of all--the wet, red patch slowly growing on his shirt, sparked renewed panic in Virgil.
“Ok, fuck, ok--let’s do this,” Virgil said, mostly to himself, as he knelt down by Roman to undo his already tattered shirt and take a wet towel to his chest. He had to suck in a breath at the sight of the jagged wound, a nauseous feeling catching up to him.
“You’ve already done a lot, you know,” Roman insisted. “You can--”
“If you tell me to go, Princey, I swear I’ll make these wounds worse myself,” he said, not meaning it in the slightest, which he would assume Roman knew--but the way Roman flinched and shut his mouth told a different story. “Shit, I didn’t mean that. Of course I didn’t mean that!”
Roman glanced away, and Virgil reached to cup his cheek, an instinct he didn’t know he had. Luckily, he caught himself in time to retract his hand. They both avoided eye contact for a second; Virgil cleared his throat; and he reached for the bottle of hydrogen peroxide before pausing. He vaguely recalled Logan mentioning how strong alcohols would only cause more harm, and they should just stick to mild soap instead. He gave the cut a longer look-over—it was certainly not a pretty sight, but probably not as bad as it looked. It was large, but not too deep. Plus, as sides, it would heal itself without needing anything like stitches or professional medical work. The past scars littering Roman’s body were proof of that. Actually--had he always had this many scars? Virgil squinted. How often did he do this?
Virgil finished cleansing and bandaging the wound to the best of his ability, with little talk beyond the occasional, soft “sorry” at Roman’s winces. When he had finished, he gave Roman his hoodie (an action the Prince was too tired to take much notice of), since summoning a new shirt seemed like a waste of whatever energy he had left.
“Ok, Princey, all done. Uhm, are you—how, how are you?” Virgil mentally kicked himself.
A small, bitter smile tugged at Roman’s lips for just a moment. He opened his mouth and then closed it, and finally shrugged. “Thank you for your help.”
It hurt, Virgil realized. Roman’s quiet voice, where near-shouting was his usual speech. His unkempt hair sticking to his forehead, where it was usually styled to be very lightly and intentionally ruffled. The bags beneath his eyes where there was usually concealer. All of it hurt.
Virgil sucked in a breath. “Look, I’m sorry if I’m being annoying, but I hope you know there’s absolutely no way I’m leaving yet.”
“Virgil,” Roman almost said it as a whine, which was closer to his usual style, so Virgil considered it progress.
“Roman,” Virgil deadpanned back.
Roman huffed. “Maybe I need space to really explore my feelings, and you’re actually being a terrible friend right now,” he argued.
“Uh-huh, well being a terrible friend is always my favorite, so,” Virgil leaned down, fumbling slightly as he picked Roman up bridal style, “We’re gonna get you to bed, and you can explore your feelings by sleeping.”
“Great, now you’re damsel-in-distressing me,” Roman said sarcastically, but he leaned his head into Virgil’s chest as he did so, which kind of ruined his point.
“Yeah, yeah. Act more like Megara next time, and maybe it’ll be different.”
•••
Roman groaned upon waking up. His whole body ached, but mainly it was focused around a sharper pain in his chest. He let his eyes flutter open, only to find Virgil staring at him from his desk.
“Ah,” Roman uttered, a jumble of memories from the past few hours returning. They felt foggy and mildly icky, but mainly the pain in them was the numb kind of pain, the tired kind. Really, it was indistinguishable from the dull ache of his bruises and cuts.
“Yeah,” Virgil said, as though he understood, even though he couldn’t possibly. “Uh, wanna talk about it?”
It was clear Virgil felt awkward asking the question. It was unclear whether that was due to his tendency to be embarrassed by everything he said, or—far more likely—that he wanted to stop babying a stupid prince, and just go about his business.
Roman sat up, suppressing a wince as best he could. “Do you want to hear about it?”
“Of course I do.” Virgil said it without an ounce of hesitation. Roman’s breath caught.
“Oh.” Roman shifted slightly over, and Virgil took a seat by him on the bed. “Okay. Uhm. I don’t know, I just—I messed up.” What else was new?
“...What did you mess up?” Virgil asked, with an inkling of suspicion, like he knew what this was about. But it wasn’t that; it wasn’t the callback—that was over and done and dead. Roman had created so many fantasies, so many crazy scenarios where they could somehow still make it in that stupid movie, and it had always filled him with hope or crushing pain or something, but as of this afternoon? He didn’t even care. It didn’t matter.
So, Roman ignored the question, and instead commented, “Janus got accepted.”
“What the fuck.”
Roman observed Virgil’s stricken expression like an unsettling kind of mirror of himself when—
My name is Janus.
“Yeah,” Roman sighed, “I didn’t take it so well either.”
Virgil looked at him for a long moment, seeming to go through several series of emotions, before he was able to ask, “...What happened?”
Roman inhaled sharply. “I was wrong about being wrong about the wedding. Patton was also wrong; Janus was right, and then Patton was right because he wasn’t a total asshole to Janus, and I’m evil; Thomas hates me; whatever, you get it.”
He thought he would break down, saying it, but he felt oddly… fine. He sat, staring at the same spot as he was before, absentmindedly annoyed at the way his bandages itched. The normalcy of the situation almost made it worse. This sucked. This wasn’t even bad.This was the worst he had ever felt.
“Oook,” Virgil said, clearly not knowing where to start, “I—you—what do you mean: Thomas hates you?”
“Thought that one was self-explanatory.”
“He can’t hate you,” Virgil said with a laughable amount of conviction. “You’re still his… y’know.. goals. Desires. Hopes. Whatever. Just because this one didn’t go… perfectly, doesn’t mean you won’t keep—“ he struggled to find the phrasing for a moment— “...fighting, uh, valiantly for Thomas’s dreams!” he attempted at the encouragement with a weak smile.
Roman just shook his head. “No. I don’t know what he wants.”
Virgil’s smile dropped into confusion. “But… you are his wants.”
“That’s kind of the problem.”
Virgil seemed at a loss, and Roman felt like an asshole. Here he was trying to help him, and Roman couldn’t even be bothered to put on a smile to dismiss him from the duty.
“Please go,” Roman attempted weakly when he couldn’t find a more convincing argument in himself. He was meant to be an actor, but he knew he couldn’t hide the fact that he wanted him to stay, of course he did, so badly. He hoped Virgil would just quit with the chivalry and go despite that.
Virgil sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shit, I'm going about this all wrong.”
Roman knew it probably wasn’t really him Virgil was mad at, but it was hard not to shrink away anyway.
“Look, Roman—“ Virgil turned to him, looked at him seriously, took his hands in his— “To be honest? I don’t care what happened. I don’t care who was right or wrong—I mean, we all know I’ve been in the wrong more than my fair share. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
Roman didn’t miss the ambiguity of the end statement. “But… look, you don’t get it. When you mess up, you’re still you. You’re still...,” Roman gestured vaguely, which upset his bandages, and when he looked down at himself, he took note of the black/purple hoodie he was wearing. He melted slightly. This was exactly the point he was trying to make, “You’re still... y’know. Important.”
“Wh—? Of course you’re important, Ro. You’re creativity—“
“Thomas has two of those.”
Virgil looked at him like he was stupid. “Right, as if you’re anything like Remus.”
Roman’s lip quivered at that, and he had to look away, which was so stupid. And suddenly he felt all of the embarrassment at once—of this situation, of everything that had happened before, of the way he was about to cry, in front of Virgil, after he said that, which must look so—
“Roman?”
A hand was on his cheek, softly turning his face towards Virgil’s, though Roman still refused to meet his eyes.
Virgil cursed to himself under his breath. “Shit, this is exactly what I was trying not to say.” He sighed, and Roman hesitantly looked up at him. “Look. Even if you weren’t creativity, if you weren’t hopes or dreams or any of it—if you were a completely pointless side, which you aren’t, but if you were—I wouldn’t care. What I care about is that you’re... Roman. That you bother me until I sing Disney with you, that when you put your heart into something, you do it to a stupid amount, that you make Thomas take trashy buzzfeed soulmate quizzes when he’s stressed, and that you fucking try so hard for everything, even when I’m being a little bitch about it,” he paused. With the hand on Roman’s cheek, he traced the line of a scar down his jaw. It was one of the ones Roman usually made sure to put an illusion over, he noted offhandedly. “I care, because you’re my best friend.”
“Don’t say that,” Roman choked out. He couldn’t handle it if it was a lie, and part of him couldn’t manage hearing it as anything but exactly that. “Just—just—“
“Oh, Princey..”
Virgil held him as he broke. Roman didn’t know how long they sat like that as he let everything wash over him for a final time, let it all truly sink in at long last. He took heaving, messy sobs, no doubt ruining Virgil’s shirt in the process—he was quiet, though. He shook silently, save a couple choked breaths, in the other’s arms--that was a habit he had taught himself long ago.
When Roman had tired himself out, when all that was left was the pain in chest, (which was also suddenly duller—he was healing fast, even for a side—) he pulled back from the embrace. Virgil didn’t move by much, kept them so their fingers were laced together, as they sat staring at each other.
“Uhm. Thanks,” Roman gave a shaky smile, “You really—uh... I... I said some stupid stuff, huh?”
Virgil hesitated before he spoke, as if he knew he shouldn’t ask this right now, but needed to anyway. “...Roman, why’d you go to the Imagination?”
Roman felt ice stab at his chest upon the question. He didn’t want to do this. They had already talked about so much that he shouldn’t have gotten into; this was meant to be the part where they either parted or watched a stupid movie. And this, out of everything, was the conversation he most needed to avoid.
“Uh—I mean, to let off steam?” Roman gave a laugh as best he could. “Obviously, it didn’t go to plan—“
“Didn’t it?”
Roman’s face fell immediately. He struggled to come up with an answer, and even if he had had one, he didn’t think the sound would come out. This was enough of an answer in itself
“Shit,” Virgil breathed. Roman couldn’t help but be mildly annoyed by his surprise—clearly he had already known, he didn’t have to make it a big deal now.
“I… Princey—Roman…” Virgil looked him up and down, and Roman wanted to curl up and hide. “...how many times?”
“Not many,” Roman mumbled. Virgil must have known he was pushing the subject too far, because he just frowned and said,
“OK. I mean...it’s not OK, obviously, but you already know that, I just—“ he sighed. “Just… can you talk to me? Instead? Please? When you feel like… that.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Roman responded hastily, wanting an out from this topic.
Virgil gave him a look. “I’m serious. I mean—look, you don’t even have to talk about it if you don’t want. Just, come to me first, yeah?”
Roman’s face burned; he was embarrassed; he wanted to shrug this whole thing off, or roll his eyes, or maybe scream in annoyance. But the rational part of him knew Virgil was right. “OK,” he agreed softly, “...Thanks. For everything.”
Virgil looked surprised, and then flustered, and then waved off the earnest reply. “I mean, it wasn’t--I didn’t--it’s not like I did anything really--”
“You did.”
Virgil’s face softened. “Yeah, well... you’d’ve done the same for me. You... have done the same for me.”
Roman smiled gently at him. “By the way, Virge--” He hesitated. He was about to sound like a real dumbass if Virgil had only been saying this stuff for comfort’s sake. But making a fool of himself was becoming a theme for him anyway, so he continued, “You’re my best friend too.”
I love you.
In the same beats Roman thought it, Virgil squeezed his hand lightly 3 times. A breath passed between them. An understanding. That Roman couldn’t say it out loud, and Virgil wouldn’t.
Instead, Virgil fell back across the bed, bringing Roman with him in the motion. Roman let out a startled gasp and elbowed him lightly. “Hey! I’m injured, that could have been a fatal impact for me!” he whined.
Virgil snorted. “Yeah, yeah, OK. So, do you wanna watch a stupid movie, or what?”
#lucy.fic#romangst#roman sanders angst#roman hurt/comfort#prinxiety#platonic prinxiety#ts roman#ts virgil#everyone ik reading the title of this fic: ohhh my god we know u like penelope scott we know#‘we know u associate this song w roman we KNOW</3’#roman sanders#virgil sanders#sanders sides#also standard statement that im not a writer i just write sometimes pls do not. judge thishehusgs
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