Masterlist

Dean Winchester x Reader

Catatonic + Catatonic: Bonus Bit - Sam gets hurt on a hunt, but the message doesn't seem to be getting through to Dean. The reader has to think of something quickly to motivate him to move, but how will Dean take being threatened? And what happens when there are questions at the hospital?

Collared (masterlist) - Sam and Dean save a woman from where she has been held as a slave by a witch. But things turn dark whenever they try to take her magic collar off, leaving them with a slave to look after and a curse to break.

Christmas Baking - a short, fluffy fic for Secret Santa. Does include a touch of A/B/O dynamics.

Hello - light-hearted fluff fic in a royalty AU

Blood - angsty drabble

Tell me this isn't yours - slightly less angsty drabble

Captions - a silly, funny one-shot

Pack (masterlist) - Omega!Reader is thrown into a world she's not expecting when her mate turns out to be a hunter, and she's not used to Alpha & Omega Pack dynamics.

I've Got You - Dean rescues you. Lots of Protective!Dean vibes!

Distress - There's a monster hunting distressed Omegas. As an Omega Hunter, you're perfect for playing bait. Only problem is Dean is going to have to get you distressed...

Little O - In a world where Omegas are kept in line through frequent orgasms, Dean can't work out why his Omega's "O"s keep wearing off. This is not lovely Dean, but he's not dark either.

Trouble - you're in trouble with your Dom, Dean. Fairly classic punishment and then smut, with a lot of explicit consent built in.

Escort - Dean needs an escort to help him with his cover on a case (more of a case fic and flirting, no smut)

A Christmas Case - Dean drags you out of bed to go to a case, ruining your Christmas plans. But does he have a plan to make up for it?

Comments - A man you're interviewing makes some crap comments about your body, and Dean doesn't help. Can he make it up to you?

Sam Winchester x Reader

Bad Timing - Set in season 5, what happens when Dean and Sam are trying to avoid angels and demons at every turn, but then Sam's girlfriend falls pregnant? Part 2

Platonic fics

Brotherly Figures (masterlist) - Sam and Dean save a 15 year old, newly orphaned teenager from vampires. Much to their chagrin, she ends up tagging along on hunts, giving them both a fresh chance at acting like a brotherly figure.

Accidents happen - While guest acting on Supernatural, things go awry filming a fight scene with Jensen.

Captions - a silly, funny one-shot (also listed above, but nothing actually happens with Dean, so you can easily read it platonically or not)

First Heat - 16yo Dean Winchester is presenting, and he's not having a fun time of it

Challenges I've done

2023 SPN AU Bingo

Whumptober 2023 - First Heat

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Whumptober 2022 Masterlist

I realized I never made a masterlist for these, so here we go! Hopefully all these links work... You can also read all of these (plus some bonus scenes) on ao3.

Day 1 - (Adverse Effects) feat. Twilight & Hyrule, along with Time and Four

Day 2 - (Caged) feat. Fable & Legend

Day 3 - (Ambushed) feat. Warriors & Legend

Day 4 - (Waking up disoriented, can’t pass out) feat. Time & Wind

Day 5 - (Blood loss) feat. Wild & Hyrule

Day 6 - (Screams from across the hall) feat. Wind, Warriors, Four, Sky and everyone

Day 7 - (Shaking hands) feat. Legend and Hyrule

Day 8 - (Back from the dead, stomach pain) feat. Shadow

Day 9 - (tossing and turning) feat. Sky, Twilight, Warriors and Wild

Day 10 - (whipping) feat. Sky & Time

Day 11 - (self done first-aid, makeshift splint) feat. the colors/Four, and Twilight

Day 12 - (cave-in) feat. Twilight, Legend, and everyone

Day 13 - (dislocation, “are you here to break me out?”, fracture) Continuation to Day 6, feat. Wind, Sky and Warriors

Day 14 - (failed escape) feat. Four

Day 15 - (new scars) feat. Malon & Time

Day 16 - ("no one is coming) feat. Hyrule

Day 17 - (breaking point) feat. Wild

Day 18 - ("just get it over with", "take my coat") feat. Sky & Twilight

Day 19 - (knees buckling, repeatedly passing out) feat. Legend & Wind

Day 20 - (prisoner exchange) Continuation to day 14, feat. Twilight, Four, Warriors and Time

Day 21 - ("you're safe now") Continuation to day 10, feat. Time, Fierce Deity and Sky

Day 22 - (allergic reaction, toxic) feat. Warriors & everyone

Day 23 - ("hold them down") feat. Hyrule, Wind, & Legend

Day 24 - (“I don’t want to do this anymore”) feat. Ravio & Sky

Day 25 - ("you better start talking") feat. Twilight

Day 26 - ("why did you save me?") feat. Warriors & Hyrule

Day 27 - (muffled screams, magical exhaustion) Continuation to day 25, feat. Four & Wild

Day 28 - (headache) incredibles au, feat. Time, Wind, and everyone

Day 29 - (sleep depravation) feat Sky & everyone

Day 30 - (manhandled, hair grabbing) continuation to days 25 and 27, feat Twilight, Wild, Four & everyone

Day 31 - (comfort, bedside vigil) feat. Wind, Four, Dot & everyone

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Got tagged by @elevenelvenswords (kudos, thanks for the tag my dude) so here we go 7:P

How many works do you have on AO3?

21, two of which were co-authored by others.

What fandoms do you write for?

These days I write for the Silmarillion, as it’s my biggest hyperfixation currently. I used to write MCYT fics (my last biggest hyperfixation, lasting about 3yrs), but I’ve long since run dry of mcyt fic ideas.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Funny enough, because of everyone else’s hyperfixations my non-silm fics are still top 5, even tho they’re so much shorter than my more recent works lol

(1) Many vegetables, one soup

(2) Close your eyes, let them reawaken Red

(3) MCYT Whumptober 2022 (and then some)

(4) Cradle Brothers

(5) Meteor

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love to give bonus facts about the fic in my comment section.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Either “I keep my enemies closer than the mirror ever gets to me” because of the canon angst foreshadowing or “I take scraps from dinner as little parts of love” because the ending is bittersweet in hindsight of canon (and because it made someone in my comment section cry lol)

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Staccato, Familiar Acceptance and (somewhat) reconciliation are prime in the 2nd chapter.

Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! I don’t write very controversial topics, very long fics, or in very large fandoms, so at the moment I’m just a small fish in the pond. No hate nor attention comes for the small fish.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ve written a scene where inexplicit sex was implied to be happening, but I don’t know if i’ll ever write anything with explicit sexual content (Disclaimer: I’m an adult).

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

The only crossover i’ve ever posted is an abandoned wip in “Discontinued Hermitcraft WIPS - chapter 7” It was a hermitcraft and Phasmophobia crossover.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To my knowledge, no.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! Though I’d be open to it if anyone wanted to (given they asked permission first).

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! A discontinued original work titled “Shattered Stars” and a fnaf fic co-authored with a friend titled “Many vegetables, one soup”

What’s your all time favourite ship?

These days it’s either Silvergifting (silm) or Scarian (hc)

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

An unnamed fic where Post-Canon, everyone is reembodied in Valinor and Russingon + Kidnap Fam are all together Happy Family Style.

Except, so very ago Fingon & Maedhros adopted a tiny Gil-Galad together, Maedhros left at an early age and never treated Gil like his kid afterwards so Gil is real bitter towards Maedhros. Elrond wants them to reconcile but it’s not going well.

“In case you’ve forgotten, Elrond. I’ve met Maedhros Feanorian and he found nothing of value in me.”

Elrond cringes. Maedhros flinches back as if slapped.

What are your writing strengths?

Not sure. Probably writing angst that hurts readers in the trauma epicenter, since i’ve made a few people cry with my fics.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Pretty sure everything needs to improve, but i’d say descriptions and character placement. Maybe pacing too.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve done it a few times for Sindarin & Quenya (reluctantly) but I wouldn’t touch that hot potato for irl languages. Pretty neat when other writers do it tho.

First fandom you wrote for?

Five Nights at Freddy’s, somehow. I wrote a single fic for that fandom but it was my first.

Favourite fic you’ve written?

“I take scraps from dinner as little parts of love” I put so much symbolism, emotion, and thought into this fic. It’s my favorite brainchild for sure. I’m working on giving this brainchild a sequel sibling, too.

Tagging: @crystalcatgamer @foolofatook001 @melestasflight

Next prompt! 3) Dehumanization//“You can do better than that”. Bonus muzzle and 20) Restrained and 30) Experimentation. Also 26) Shock but only if you accept puns. 

This one’s a fun little series of scenes mixing Foundation reports and character POVs. Featuring:

Security footage of Tommy in a cage as he’s captured

A presentation detailing the reduced volume in Wilbur’s cell thanks to the implementation of a shock collar

The Blade drowning in the voices now that his muzzle prevents him from arguing (or eating). But at least he can’t bite the poor innocent humans anymore!

A scientific report (with bonus diagrams) on the investigation of samples taken from Tubbo after they were strapped down to the operating table.

A casual chat at a Foundation water cooler wherein Philza’s handler discusses exploiting his ‘instinct to protect its brood’

This one was great fun to write. Enjoy.

Ten First Lines Game

(Stolen from @theleakypen because it sounds fun! I played slightly fast & loose with "first line" based on the grammatical structures of some fics. Too brain fog to tag so if you think it sounds fun too, /punts)

Rules: post the first sentence of your last ten fics. If you haven’t written ten fics, share as many first-sentences as you have.

1. Wen Zhuliu should have been dead.

His throat bore an ugly collar of scars from where Yu Ziyuan's son--the one whose golden core he knew he had destroyed--had hung and electrocuted him with his mother’s Zidian.

(Pluck the sun from the sky and swallow it whole (The Untamed))

2. Usually there is a bit of plain bread and water. Some days I see no one at all and receive no food.

(The Hospitality of the Qishan Wen (The Untamed))

3. Meng Yao knelt on the rough stone below Wen Rouhan’s throne, a guard's sword biting painfully into the back of his neck, and prayed that he had not made a grave miscalculation.

(Nevernight (The Untamed)

4. Changcheng slept, haunted by fractured nightmares.

(Whumptober: Don't Get Kidnapped (Guardian))

5. –a man under a fallen cornice, can’t feel his crushed arms or legs and trying very hard not to panic about it–

–a woman sprawled among the rubble, couldn’t find her laptop, without the servers the past ten years of her life’s work remained only on that one stupid machine, it all happened so fucking fast–

–a child hurting so bad, doesn’t understand what he did wrong, should have cleaned his room like Mommy told him and never ever yelled at her about how stupid and mean she was, now he didn’t know where she was and it was his fault–

–a man lying in a mess of broken glass and blood, nerves screaming, his cell phone just out of reach, he couldn’t pass out without messaging his wife or she would never–

"Hey. Hey, Xiao Guo."

(Whumptober: Magical Exhaustion & Protectiveness [went til I actually hit a sentence XD] (Guardian))

6. "Kneel."

"Fuck you."

(Whumptober: Forced to Kneel (Guardian))

7. Lan-er's fingers flew over the guqin strings, faster and faster. The skin at the nape of my neck prickled.

(Whumptober: Possession and Protectiveness (The Untamed))

8. Closing his eyes did nothing to block out the grunts and strangled cries coming from across the hall, but Jae Chan did it anyway. ( Whumptober: Screams From Across the Hall (While You Were Sleeping [kdrama]))

9. Da Qing ran.

Dixing's cobbled streets and rocky ground were ripping up the pads of his paws.

(Whumptober: Nowhere to Run & Caged (Guardian))

10. The Reverend Daughter Harrowhark Nonagesimus curled up into a fetal position inside her bone cocoon and fumed.

(Whumptober: This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen (The Locked Tomb))

Bonus round:

Jin soldiers sprawled all around them in the dark, their pale robes stained with fresh mud and fresher blood.

Jin Guangyao's heart pounded in his ears. He couldn't remember what had happened.

(unnamed WIP in sequence with Nevernight & Pluck the Sun From the Sky)

This was really interesting! Structurally my habits are all over the place, except that the point is to set the scene, draw the reader into the moment, & often introduce a character. Technically speaking my first sentences ran from a single word (kneel) to several paragraphs of fragments. Several of them are short sentences that really rely on their follow-ups to complete the idea.

Whumptober Day 13: Flood

tw: death threats, previous capture, restraints, forced labor

Bonus: aroace rep for my aroace sister's bday!

Whumpee sat by the window, looking out into the pouring rain. It was hard to see anything other than the rain, but the falling drops were stimulating enough. A fire was roaring in the hearth, and Whumpee was cozy in its heat. They picked up the teacup in front of them, letting it warm their hands. They didn't take a sip, not yet; the tea wasn't cool enough and they didn't want to break the silence that way. Whumper was lounged in a chair facing the hearth, fixated on a paper in zir hands. Ze gave up on it and placed it on the coffee table next to zir, on top of a small pile. Whumpee chose this moment to finally speak. "You...you saved me." Whumper looked at them for the first time since they arrived. Ze appeared indifferent to Whumpee's observation. "Yes. Don't expect it again." "But you saved me, saved my life." Whumpee was in awe, they had expected Whumper to just let them die down there. "And? Should I expect a 'thank you?' This doesn't change things between us." "But-but why?" "Listen, Whumpee," Whumper sighed. "As much fun as it would have been to watch you drown in that leaky basement, if anyone or anything is going to kill you, it'll be me." It would have been a slow death. The floor was slightly tilted, and the pooling water was higher on Whumpee's end of the room. Whumpee had never experienced a flood like this before, and they were frightened by the amounts of water coming in as fast as it did. They were tied up in the shallow water for hours, with no end in sight except their own. Whumpee wasn't sure whether to be scared or relieved when Whumper came, who trodded through the rising water to where Whumpee lay. Ze tied a blindfold around Whumpee's eyes, then carried them over their back to zir car. Whumpee was placed in the trunk on top of several towels, then brought back to Whumper's house, where they were let down in a bathroom and given clean, dry clothes to put on before being led to the living room and looking out the window while Whumper made tea. Whumpee had never been to Whumper's house before. It was comfortable yet fancy, a nice compromise of style and practicality. Here, Whumpee felt safe from the storm, though the threat of being trapped inside for days with no one but Whumper for company hung over the scene. Whumpee had a million questions and no answers. They opened their mouth to begin, but Whumper cut them off. "Finish your tea. When you're done, I'll put you to work re-organizing my library. While you're here, and while I find somewhere else to put you when this is all over, you will work for me here. Do well, and I'll show you as much hospitality as you deserve. Refuse, or try to escape, and I'll save on firewood by using you as fuel. Understood?" "Y-Yes." "Good. Any questions?" Whumpee didn't know which one to pick. "I...how...what?...you...do you live here alone?" It seemed like a safe one to ask. "Yes, but I thought you knew that." Whumpee felt embarassed. "Oh, right, yeah." "You're wondering why?" Whumper looked thoughtful, as if ze was remembering something or trying to think of what to say. "Well, I was never able to find love, or love never found me. I'm not sad, or lonely, and I enjoy my privacy and the silence." Whumpee was confused. How could Whumper never find love? All it was is a touch of the hand, a look into their eyes, a mutual affection beyond friendship, it was easy to fall in love. Sure, Whumper wasn't all that likable, but never finding anyone? Ever? "Stop it with your silly thought process," Whumper commanded, and Whumpee was brought back to the moment. "May sound strange to you, but I'm fine the way I am. You can't miss something you never had. Now, hurry up or you'll be sleeping on the floor." With that attitude, Whumpee figured they wouldn't get much else out of Whumper. They downed their tea and followed Whumper to the library.

This was going to be, at the very least, interesting. At most, Whumpee could end up ashes in the fireplace. Or finally in a bed after weeks of stone, cold floors. Whumpee wasn't sure of anything, except that Whumper saved their life. And they still weren't sure why.

WIP Update - 26 Oct 2022

A decently productive writing week -  I touched 6 fics (1 WIPs & 5 new works) for a total of 2578 words.  

I’m catching up on getting stuff posted -   Over on Ao3,  @psychiccatpanda posted the epilogue to our Stucky --> Stuckony non-traditional A/B/O fic, and I posted a Rhodey POV scene retelling from IM3 as well as  a post-Endgame canon divergent fic where Bucky reconciles with Tony,  and a  WinterIron Old Dark House fluffy ficlet. On Tumblr I posted a  Stony domestic fic with bonus IronBros for last week’s @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt and a  Thor & Natasha mission/friendship fic to fill an @avengersbingo square as well as two October writing challenges. 

I’m still at 12 active WIPs  (with a couple of maybe TBCs)  with my current   deadlines being three October creative challenges:  @fictober-event,  @flufftober & @whumptober.  The @reforgedzine  deadline is also looming large.  :: bites nails::

See below cut for the WIPs  (arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc) I am working on  -   feel free to send me prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding any of these projects   (or any other WIPs I’ve got out there) – they really help feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

Whumptober, Flufftober & Fictober [ Running thru 31 Oct]

I’m going to attempt to fill prompts from these three creative challenges - at least one per week of the month - preferably combining one prompt from each into a single fic.  

I’ve filled prompts for Day 1 (Fic, Whump & Fluff),  Day 7 (Fic and semi-Whump), Day 12 (Fic, Whump & Fluff), Day 18  (Fic and Fluff) and Day 25 (Fic and Fluff)  with Day 29 in progress.  I  may circle back and fill a few more belated prompts  at some point. 

Reforged - A WinterIron Zine [Deadline 12 Nov]

I got accepted to submit a  1k-3.5k fic for this project, and have submitted a basic idea &  belatedly completed the final checkin.    I am stressed and struggling, already up to 3404 words and still need to get the main plot wrapped up - I basically need to finish the damn thing and then ruthlessly edit to get down to the max word count…  

Avengers Bingo [AvB] (Runs thru 24 Dec)

Ten fills posted (7 to Ao3)  and 0 WIPs - I decided to further challenge myself on this 16-square card by pairing up each square with a unique combo of 2 original MCU Avengers, with the final square being PolyVengers. With the help of the STB Enthusiasts Discord folks - I’ve got all 16 squares  planned out, at least in terms of who to write about, and half of them have some sort of idea or crossover square to go along with them. Feel free to toss other plot  bunnies my way…  

* B3 - Road Trip  -  Bruce & Thor  - Post Grandmaster, pre-Thanos  space shenanigans

* B4 - Age Gap   - Thor/Tony - possible crossover with TSB One Night Stand  (obvious title: Thunderstruck)

* C1 - Opposites Attract - Clint/Thor  - there was a fun Tumblr  headcanon going around about a Bumbling Foreigner whose ignorance of  local customs  results in him flirting with/proposing to the prince -  this seems like a perfect matchup! 

* C2 - Soft under Hard Exterior Trope -  posted Opening Up, Step by Step,  to Tumblr yesterday - it’s a Natasha & Thor kinda-sorta mission fic that also fills the @fictober-event prompt “You know I’d do anything.” and @flufftober First Dance prompts. 

* C3 - Reincarnation AU  -  filled this with  A Unexpected Reunion as a crossover with  last week’s @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt [#FFF172 A Ghost from the Past]  It will get posted to Ao3  before the bingo closes.

* D1 - Friends w/ Benefits  - Clint/Steve - crossover with MWAPB Hawkeye/Clint Barton and possibly SRB - Never Have I Ever

* D2 - Romeo & Juliet AU  -  basic idea:  Steve (jock) & Tony  (geek) trying out for title roles in R&J - despite their respective  FWB groups thinking it’s a terrible idea.  Title:  Two Polycules, Alike in Dignity

*  D3 - Bed Sharing  -  Bruce/Natasha - AoU compliant.

Man With a Plan (Steve Rogers) Bingo [MWAPB] (Runs thru 31 Dec)

Twelve fills, 1 WIPs and several Vague Ideas/potential cross fills with other bingos.  Prompts cheerfully accepted!  

* B3 - Farmer’s Market  -  crossover with TSB Doing Groceries. Moodboard + ficlet?

* I1 - Steve is here for TFAtWS  - this might go well with my BBB  “Oh, hell no"  square - Steve trolling  Bucky & Sam by sending the old man in with his shield?  (moodboard & ficlet?) 

* N1 - School AU/Teacher AU  - if I decide to continue on with Technicalities   - I could fill this square  :: ponders::

* N3 - Online shopping - this might be fun as a crossover with BBB Thighs  Sam buys a revealing swimsuit for Bucky as a gag that gets Steve in a tizzy.

* N4 - Soulmates -  got inspired by a dream to start a Stucky fantasy AU (magician!Steve/ensorcelled!Bucky) that @bill-longbow  is collaborating on with me.  This will also fill my Stucky Bingo AU: Supernatural square.  We’re currently sitting at 1640 words  (984-ish of which are mine). Current Last Line:  "My men will accompany you back to Brookline in the morning.”

* G4 - Canon Divergence post CA:TWS - possible  crossover with BBB  Kill List – Bucky wreaking havoc on Hydra bases and  Steve & Sam catch up with him

* G5 - Friends to Lovers -  might use this for Chapter 3 of Mutual Pinning

*  O2 - Sex Pollen  -  Teenage Groot pollen =  aphrodisiac  hi-jinks. Quill & Gamora  warn the  couple (stucky)/throuple (Stuckony)  ahead of time, so no  dub-con.

* O3 - Hawkeye/Clint Barton  -  see AvB - Friends w/ Benefits  above.

StarkBucks Bingo - Round 3  (SBB_R3) - Ends 31 Dec

Eight fills (six posted to Ao3), 1 WIPs and several Vague Ideas - soliciting plot bunnies or other kick-starters.

* B1 - “I wouldn’t mind wasting my time on you.“  - Possible crossover with  BBB - KINK: Seduction Mission?  

* B3 - AU: Canon Divergence -  posted  Clearing the Air  on Monday as a crossover with  TSB Canon Divergent: Nobody Dies.  It’s a Bucky POV of a post-Endgame canon-divergent return to Wakanda where he has a chance to make amends with Tony.  It’s based on some discarded bits from “Ain’t No Party Like a ‘Saved the Universe’ Party” and came in at in at  790 words.

* I2 - Mistaken Identity - crossover with TSB K5 - Protectiveness -  “The Mechanic, The Soldier & The Artist” - mob/assassin AU with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith twist?  

* I4 - Canon: Avengers Academy  - will probably do Stuffed Marvels sketches of Tony and Winter, as I know very little about the game/canon.  

* I5 - Matchmaker Bots - possible crossover with TSB Occupational Hazard

* N2 - Blanket - Thanks to the July BBB Discord party , I have an idea for combining this with my TSB   AU: College square and BBB Funeral square.

* N5 - “Wanna make a bet?”  Used this in combination with the Day 18  Fictober (“I don’t think this is your problem.”)  and Flufftober  (Soulmate AU) prompts for  Marked-Up Soulmarks  - a soulmate AU where Tony discovers he and Steve have something (and someone) in common. I may expand on this before posting it to Ao3 and/or claiming it as an official fill.

* G3 - “This might as well happen.”   Posted  In Hindsight - a Stucky –> Stuckony meet-awkward fic inspired by a series of posts with @needyoucap over on the STB Enthusiasts Discord server. This  alternating POV  ficlet (which also fills my TSB square  Hindsight)  came in at 1660 words.

* O1 - Royalty - crossover with TSB - IronWidow  &  BBB   AU: Arranged Marriage -  pick Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion  back up?

* O6 - AU: Biker  - Grease 2  fusion  anyone?  😁  I watched the movie a couple of weeks ago and took notes -  It’s not gonna be a faithful adaptation, but hopefully fun - tho am having a tough time deciding who is Michael (probably Bucky, tho a case could be made for Tony)

Hero Hardships Bingo  [HHB]  (Runs thru 31 Dec)

One fill so far  with a few Vague Ideas …  need to see what might play well with Whumptober prompts!

* I3 - Unimaginable Grief  – I‘m thinking an post-Endgame Rhodey POV would work nicely here…

* O3 - Dating a civilian -  this would fit perfectly with another chapter of Takin’ What They’re Givin’ (‘Cause I’m Workin’ for a Livin’) , for which I currently have a basic plot point or two rolling around in my head.

Bucky Barnes Bingo - Round 4 [BBB_R4] (Runs thru 7 Jan 2023)

Twelve fills,  four WIPs  & ideas for everything except one square  - Working on a Column B bingo to start.

* B2 - Funeral - see SBB N2 - Blanket  above

* B3 - Sam Wilson|Falcon - this would be a good candidate for a continuation of After One Or Two False Starts

* U2 - AU: Roommate  - Still wanting to use the Meet Ugly prompt: 02. I bought a house three months ago but I’m finally moving in and discover you’ve been squatting because you’re homeless    – probably WinterHawk with  recovering!Bucky being the squatter in Clint’s apartment building.  

* U4 - AU: Arranged Marriage - will probably pick Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion  back up for this one.  

* U5 - Kill List -  see MWAP  - G4 - Canon Divergence.  Post CA:TWS above

* C2 - “Oh, hell no” - possible crossover with MWAP I1 - Steve is here for TFaWS

* C4 - KINK: Aftercare -  possibly MWAP Sex Pollen or  TSB KINK: Concubine

*C5 - “This might as well happen” -  Used this for the Sept BBB Round Robin  (crackfic - Emperor’s New Groove inspired)  wrote 276 words toward it  - not sure if/when it will post,  but will add a link when it does.   😁

* K3 - KINK: Edging  - crossing over with TSB KINK: Orgasm Denial/Edging & I finally got a start on the WinterIron PWP for this (Bucky POV with toy play and Tony as a power bottom)  Hanging by a Moment is sitting at 96 words at the moment.

* Y2 - Never the fall that kills you -  this might be the title for a reverse hanahaki WinterIron prompt from @lacrimula-falsa ….  

* Y4 - KINK: Seduction Mission - crossover with SBB - B1 - “I wouldn’t mind wasting my time on you.”  

* ADOPTED1 - Peggy Carter -  potential WW3some shenanigans ahead - another 3 prompts –> Summary inspiration   currently  395 words into a  Peggy & Bucky conversation at the moment.  

Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 2  (SRB_R2) - Ends 31 Jan

Fourteen fills posted  & 0 WIPs at the moment   – happily accepting plot bunnies here as well.  

* A1 - Never Have I Ever -  see AvB  Friends with Benefits

* A4 - Touch Attention/Denial  - I have an idea for this that will also fill (heh) my Stucky Bingo  KINK - Double Penetration square.

* B2 - Mile High Club -  this seems made for Stony sexy shenanigans…

* E2 - Comics Nomad Steve  - SWC sketch of Nomad!Steve

Tony Stark Bingo - Round 6  (TSB_R6)  [Ends 28 Feb]

Ten fills and five WIPs at the moment -    with  Vague Ideas for almost every other square.  

* S2 - Canon Divergence: Nobody Dies - see SBB AU: Canon Divergence

* T1 - One Night Stand - see AvB - B4 - Age Gap

* T2 - Doing Groceries - see MWAP B3 - Farmer’s Market

* T3 - Pepper Potts/Rescue -  remix of sabrecmc’s  Indecent Proposal

* T4 - KINK: Concubine - possible crossover with   BBB C4 - KINK: Aftercare?

* A4 - AU: College - see SBB N2 - Blanket

*A5 - Scott Lang  - @27dragons shared an interesting plot bunny during the Sept TSB Discord party that I may end up using; that or a follow up to A Piece of the Action

* R1 - Tony’s Poor Life Choices - @somesortofitalianroast had the excellent idea to turn this on its head - now that he’s with [partner of your choice] - he’s making fewer poor life choices?

* R2 - IronWidow -  next chapter of Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion ?

* R4 - Occupational Hazard - see SBB I5 - Matchmaker Bots

* K2 - Secret Admirer -  carried this over from last round so I could try my hand a remix of Seeds of Love  (WinterIron hanahaki fic by the super-talented @hddnone).  Potential title:  Wraps Around My Heart, Refusing to Unwind

* K3 - KINK: Orgasm Denial/Edging -  see BBB KINK: Edging  

* K5 - Protectiveness -  see SBB Mistaken Identity

*ADOPTED1 - Movie Retelling -  Posted Tested to the Breaking Point  on Friday - it’s a Rhodey POV of the panic attack scene from IM3  and came in at 717 words.  

Stucky Bingo Round Four [SB_R4] (Ends 31 May 2023

Four fills and three WIPs with a couple of other vague ideas.

* B4 - Artist/Muse - rough draft of  A Work of Heart done as of this morning; coming in at 622 words. It also fills Day 29 of  Fictober (”You love this, don’t you?”) , Flufftober (Leaves) and Whumptober (”Better me than you.”) and will post on the 29th.  

* B5 - KINK: Double Penetration - see SRB   Touch Attention/Denial  above.

* O4 - AU: Supernatural - see MWAPB Soulmates  above.

I also adopted the Writing Format: Remix one of your fics  square  – am thinking of taking one of my Stony or WinterIron  No Powers fics and adapting it to a Stucky pairing – if you have any requests - hit me up!  

WinterIron - No Powers AU  –  Stony No Powers AU

————

On other creative fronts:  I have a Steve from Blue’s Clues Stuffed With Character figure in progress. Am also  working on commissions from the classic monster/horror con I attended earlier this month and prepping for a superhero con in March - so am kind of booked up.  Plus I have to make space for Marvel Trumps Hate -  bidding started on Saturday - see my auctions here!

if  you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for the holiday season, check  out Stuffed With Character   over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 80!).   They’re  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design  requests  for any fandom!

15, 18, and 19, my friend! Bonus question that I never seem to find in meta asks but after my last ask am terribly curious- Song(s) you most associate with your most recent project/the Link featured in your most recent project?

Paloma! Hello! Thank you for the questions! (Questions are from this post. And the answer to #19 is on this post. :) )

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Paloma, I have a feeling you know my answer to this one. ;) You might have seen me agonize over the bane of my existence: TITLES. What is the secret?! Long? Short? Make it unique enough to stand out or keep it simple enough to remember easily? Rarely will I have the perfect title come to me early. I have to pull up a note file, fill it with 25 different possibilities, then agonize over it for 3 days before coming up with something completely different. XD I think I agonized over "A Walk in the Woods" the longest? "Distant Blue" and "Bittersweet" were my only two that I loved immediately.

Summaries I don't stress about too much because I use the "paste a section of your story in the summary" method. I try to pick something short (or I edit it down) that gives off the tone of my story and hints enough at the plot. I let the tags do a lot of the heavy lifting for telling the who and what. Now if only I can remember to always use the Linked Universe tag... XD

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterizations?) Tell us about them.

Ohhh, what a fun question! I don't have AUs but I do have cut/alternate scenes. For Whumptober I had two pieces that I had to do some significant revisions on. The first was "Ignite" which I originally wrote from Warriors' POV and had a longer ending.

The second piece was "A Walk in the Woods." I had a fun little scene planned out where the hunters from the beginning of the fic run into the rest of the chain as they search for Twilight. I was really sad that scene couldn't make the final cut, but I couldn't justify the POV change for just one scene.

If anyone is interested, I'll put a little bit of those scenes under the read more below.

Song(s) you most associate with your most recent project/the Link featured in your most recent project?

A bonus question! How delightful! Well my most recently posted project is "Grateful" (1 of 3 multi-chapters in progress right now😬) and it is Sky-centric. 💗 Paloma, I sat on this ask for a LONG TIME and for some reason I can't think of any songs related to this fic. Normally I do associate songs with characters/stories but for some reason, nothing has caught my attention for "Grateful". XD Ha! I DO like listening to music from "The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance" (particularly this track) when I write "Grateful" because it has a nice unsettling vibe but is still beautiful. Which does kinda match what I hope to do for "Grateful" so there you go.

I think bouncing between three fics at once has occupied my mind so I don't latch onto songs like I usually do. But, just for you, I'll give you one for Sky and one for my other WIP: For Sky, particularly for my poor sappy zelink shipper heart, I like "If My Heart Was a House" by Owl City. For "Isn't It Worth a Little Suffering?" (Warriors, Mask, and Fierce Deity angst fic) I like "The Moon is Falling Down" by Crywolf.

[Unused scenes for "Ignite" and "A Walk in the Woods" below]

"A Walk in the Woods" (ALT scene. Two hunters meet the chain looking for a missing Twilight. A different take on the line "I ain't never had wolf.")

The archer’s expression sours. “We’re just tryna’ survive. Ain’t got time for uppity ‘heroes’ who think they get special treatment.” The archer’s lanky friend looks anxiously from one well-armed hero to the next. Legend doesn’t like the way the man’s fingers drum against the side of a large knife hilt in his belt. The air is ripe for someone to try something stupid.

Hyrule’s voice is admirably calm. “We aren’t asking for anything of yours. Just wanting to know if you’ve seen anything.”

“Only thing we’ve seen is you lot causing a racket and chasing away our next meal!”

Sky tries to step in. “That wasn’t our intent, we assure you. But-”

The archer whistles sharply, cutting Sky off. “ ’Course not, ‘course not, you didn’t mean it. Fella like you looks like you never had to skip a meal.”

Wind gives a short exclamation and Legend has some choice words bubbling up own his throat before Sky only smiles and waves his friends down.

“Sir,” Sky asks again, still infuriatingly polite, “we’re just looking for a wolf.”

“Wolf?” The archer spits. “I ain’t never had wolf before. Good eating, is it?” He jabs the end of his bow toward Sky’s stomach.

Legend hears no less than three different weapons sliding halfway out of sheaths before Sky calmly catches the edge of the bow and bats it away. The smile on his face is quite forced now. “Thank you for the information, sir. We’ll be on our way.” Sky turns to walk away, one hand forcibly pushing Wind in front of him, the pirate’s face flushed and murderous. The rest of the group reluctantly follows.

The archer and his friend laugh. “Oi!” The lanky man calls, “If I do come across a wolf I’ll be sure to save some for ya! Least I can do for a buncha heroes!”

Wild’s feet stumble to a halt.

“Let it go, Wild,” Sky murmurs. “Let the fools be fools.”

“What’s this?” The archer calls. “No ‘thank you’ from yer majesties?”

“The wolf is a companion of ours,” Warriors answers rigidly, “so it’s fortunate you haven’t come across him.”

That should be the end of it, but Legend makes the mistake of looking back.

The archer catches his eye and leers. “Weeell, come to think of it, maybe I have had a bite or two. Hard to remember for sure what’s in the ol’ belly.” The man slaps his midsection and laughs again.

Forget Sky’s ‘peace on earth’ garbage, Legend thinks. I’m gonna-

A ringing sound fills the air as Sky barrels past Legend, master sword freed from her sheath and coming to a dead stop at the man’s nose.

“My friend,” Sky says, “I’ve thought of a solution to your problem.”

The man’s face is frozen, his friend equally so. Legend can’t see Sky’s expression but his friend’s cheery tone makes every warning alarm go off in his brain.

Sky leans forward, sword never wavering. “Let’s cut you open and see if the sight of your entrails is enough to jog your memory.”

To his credit, the man finds his courage and glares back, yellowed teeth bared. “Some heroes. Stuck up brats, the lot of ya!” He raises his chin intending to say more, but his eyes refocus on the tip of Sky’s sword.

Sky waits, steady and quiet. As much as Legend wants to see Sky thrash these men, the rational part of his brain is watching the sun sink lower in the trees and reminds him that every second of daylight is time they could spend looking for Twilight. He reaches out and puts one cautious hand on Sky’s shoulder. He can feel the tension under his fingertips, barely contained worry and anxiety finally finding an outlet toward the first target foolish enough to trigger it.

“Like I said,” the man growls, “I ain’t never had wolf.”

~~~

"Ignite" (ALT scene. Warriros POV)

Dahst’s face is red. “No!” He snatches at Warriors' tunic. Warriors is glad they took his scarf off him. He’d hate for ol’ meathead’s stench to rub off on the fine fabric. “You like running your mouth, huh? Well how about we play a new game?”

Warriors cocks an eyebrow. “Oh? What’s that?” Just keep him talking. Keep everyone here in one spot. Give Legend enough time to find us.

“You beg pretty enough, and I’ll stop.”

Warriors has to force himself not to roll his eyes. More beatings? This guy is a one-trick pony. He takes a breath to steady himself. He’s no stranger to bruises and broken bones.

But the blows don’t come. Dahst shoves him, and Warriors' back hits the cages again. Animals hiss and squawk in protest. He straightens, surprised to feel the faint brush of fur against his fingertips. He glances back. A small fur-covered creature with long ears has braved the front of the cage. Its color reminds him of Legend’s hair.

Dahst advances on Warriors, a torch held before him. Fire. Warriors' confidence flickers before he sets his jaw in defiance. It’s fine. Nothing has changed. He can handle this.

The flames hiss and pop as they draw nearer to his face. Warrior’s arm itches and he stills his hand before he can scratch at old burn scars.

The heat grows in intensity as Dahst pushes closer. Warriors tries to blank his expression but he can already see the man’s look of delight.

“What’s this? No more snappy words?”

The flames reach out to lick at his hair, before they abruptly draw back and lower, slowly tracing down his torso.

“Let’s see, let’s see. Where to start?”

Warriors tries not to recall the way he felt as a young trainee, stupidly standing up to the rampaging dragon knight, Volga. That trainee had been brave and stupid and had come far too close to being burnt alive that day. The fight itself was a blur in his memory, but the searing pain after was not something he could ever forget. Not the way his skin bubbled and blackened. Not the bone-deep agony that persisted for hours after the potions did what they could.

The fire presses in closer. His breathing picks up and he presses tightly against the wagon before he fully realizes what he’s doing. He looks about for anything to distract him from the ripples of heat and his captor’s smug expression thrown in sharp relief by the flames. He looks down and catches the shine from the pink creature’s wide, glossy eyes. The little thing presses hard against the bars and stares desperately up at Warriors.

Odd that its expression is so human.

~~~

"Ignite" (ALT ending. Legend POV. Didn't quite have the punch I wanted. Too sappy. XD)

Warriors is dragged away to be tossed into the wagon, the cages rattling as he hits the floorboards.

In minutes the wagon is moving, the swaying motion tossing Legend off balance. His cage is stacked on the outer edge of the wagon and there are too many feathers, horns, and legs in his way to see more than glimpses of his friend inside.

After a few minutes, he hears hushed voices from inside the wagon.

“Please, lie still!” A woman’s voice. “I can remove the gag but you must be silent.”

Legend waits for an irritatingly long time.

Then Warriors' voice rasps out. “Thank you. But my friend… Have you seen a young man, shorter than me, red tunic-”

“Hush! There is no one like that here.”

Yeah, Wars, find out some useful information.

But Warriors is persistent. “Please! Blond hair, pink on the ends-”

“Sir.” The woman’s voice is firm. “As you can see, it’s only the five of us.”

“But I heard him.” Warriors sounds very small. “He’s here. And… he can’t be here.”

“We’ve seen no one like that. Be grateful your friend is elsewhere.”

There's a tense pause before Warriors speaks again. Legend recognizes the false confidence in his voice right away. “He’s coming after us. My friends will be here and we’ll be out soon.”

“Sir,” the woman’s answer is laced with weariness, “we’ll be sold long before then. And nobody knows where we are.”

“But he’s was here. I know it.”

“You saw him?”

“I-” Warriors’ voice cuts off.

The woman’s voice is gentler now. “Sometimes… we imagine things we want to be true-”

“No.”

“-when we are in great pain.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

She sighs. “Then he will come. Or he won’t. May Hylia grant wings on his feet.”

Warriors doesn’t respond to that. Legend glares down at his tiny pink paws. Hylia never saw fit to help him out before. And it’s been an age since he bothered to beg her for help. He scoffs. Warriors certainly isn’t one for begging.

“Help.”

Legend’s ears twitch, Warriors’ softly spoken word is barely discernible amidst the creak of the wagon and yowling of the various captive creatures. No way...

“Hylia,” Warriors says, “if you’re listening… I’ve never asked for much. But please…”

Legend snorts. Thick-skulled fool! He’d rather be burned alive than beg? But here he is, cowering to Hylia. A bonfire doesn’t open his mouth but now?! What on earth would compel him to-

“-keep him safe. I don’t know what kind of trouble he’s gotten into. But just… keep him alive until I get there.”

Legend ducks his head, feeling a familiar burn behind his eyes and an ache in his chest.

Idiot. He glares through the bars.

…Same to you. Just stay alive until I can get to you.

A follow up to Day 7′s Whumptober fic. Hope you enjoy!

Tag list: @it-was-a-red-heeler @hope-for-olicity @memcjo @omglovechrissie @oswinelevenforever @green-arrows-of-karamel @trueromantic1 @icannotbelieveiamhere @olicity-beliver @theasianerd

(Let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from my Arrow/Arrowverse fic tag list)

Whumptober Day 5 - Sakura, Kakashi, and Sasuke

Prompt: I've got red in my ledger (betrayal, misunderstanding, broken nose)

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing/Characters: Sakura, Kakashi, and Sasuke

Words: 588

Rating: T

Notes: @chaosandwonder requested this prompt with Sakura, I hope this fits even though it's written from Kakashi's perspective! (Also, @birkastan2018 I think you'd like this one too <3)

STORY BELOW THE CUT

The kunai against Kakashi’s jugular should have been trembling with uncertainty, regret, or sorrow, but it remained steady. An ounce more pressure and it would slide through the skin, into the crimson flow beneath. His heart pounded erratically in his ears, roaring its disbelief at the scene before him.

“This is the real one.” Sakura sounded familiar and foreign. The anger that weighed her voice like lead hadn’t been there three months ago. The bitterness that twisted her words into a sneer had been absent as well. Gone were the soft pleasantries and gentle tones, replaced by the hard reality of betrayal.

Sasuke turned from a dozen feet away; his red eyes spiraling with deadly intent. Kakashi met his former student’s gaze unafraid; there was no genjutsu worse than this reality. No imagined world in which he’d failed worse than he had here. The boy must have seen it; the sharingan faded to inky darkness that threw Kakashi’s reflection back at him. Sasuke turned to Sakura. “How do you know it isn’t another clone?”

“Because he always underestimated me.” Bitter disdain dripped from the words. Sakura’s accusation hurt more for being true, but Kakashi didn’t flinch away from it. The tip of her weapon pushed forward enough to elicit a pinprick of pain. A trickle of blood worked its way down his neck, absorbed by the fabric of his mask.

“Tell me why,” Kakashi snarled, anger bleeding into his hurt and confusion. If he were going to die here, he wanted an answer. He deserved that much after everything they’d been through. After— “How could you betray us?” How could you betray me?

The woman holding the kunai scoffed, and threw her head to get sticky pink strands of hair from her face. “You betrayed me long before I returned the favor. You never even noticed me.”

You’re the only thing I saw, that’s why I pushed you away, the words rose and lodged crossways in Kakashi’s throat. He'd never admitted that thought, even to himself. You were everything.

“And killing me will solve that?” Kakashi’s body felt heavy, chakra exhaustion looming on the horizon. He’d pushed beyond his reserves, again. The rest of the recovery team was hours behind him now, too far to make a difference. If he couldn’t talk Sakura down, there wouldn’t be a second chance.

Sakura’s lips curled into a feral grin that he’d never imagined her capable of. The hatred turned his stomach as she pressed closer. “Killing you is a bonus.”

“He’d be a valuable hostage,” Sasuke cautioned, sliding his sword back into its sheath across his back. Kakashi almost laughed at the idea that the Uchiha would be the voice of reason.

“I’d rather die, you cowa—” Pain erupted through Kakashi’s face, sudden and sharp. Sakura too a step back and shook the sting from her hand. Blood gushed from Kakashi’s nose and lip from the savage backhand. It took him a moment to realize that he’d fallen to his knees during the encounter.

Sakura glared down, an angry goddess about to take her vengeance. She leaned close enough for her lips to almost brush his ear. “Shut up, and you might live through this.”

Confusion and hope bloomed in Kakashi’s chest. Had her voice changed? Was there a tenderness in the words, or was it only his imagination? He raised his head to see her expression and caught the glint of metal as she drew her arm back. Kakashi didn’t flinch as the blow threw his world into darkness.

I wouldn’t mind if you did explain the difference between Whump and Angst :)

WELL SINCE YOU ASKED 😁

But let me just preface this whole thing by saying that everyone’s got different definitions for what whump is, which seem to be expanding all the time, and this post is just my personal take on whump. So if whump means something different to you and it’s making you happy, then that is fantastic. Keep doing your whump. 👍

Defining Whump

As the story goes, the term whump first came out of the Stargate fandom in relation to Daniel Jackson and the varied and numerous ways he has been hurt and/or killed throughout the show. So first thing’s first:

Whump is about pain. Suffering. Torture. Torment. It’s usually physical, but can also be mental, emotional, or (best combo!) all three.

It is related to Hurt/Comfort and Angst and shares things in common with them, but in my opinion is different. Specifically, I tend to think of it as h/c dialed up to 11. It’s the more intense form. Where h/c tends to focus on the caretaking and/or recovery side of things, whump focuses on the infliction of the pain. And I think most importantly of all, whump needs to push the character to their physical, mental, or emotional limit.

If the character is walking away from this experience with little to no lifelong emotional scarring, were they really whumped? 🤔

(And I know what you’re thinking, “But your whump isn’t like thi—” YEAH I KNOW. I TOLD YOU I’M BAD AT IT OK??)

Why Whump?

Again, this is different for everyone. For me personally, I enjoy bringing characters who would normally face physical, mental, or emotional pain with a lot of strength and courage (eyyyy, guess who!) into a situation where the trauma is so bad that they can’t. What happens to these figures who are normally stoic or brave or level-headed when you push them beyond what they can take? And what would bring them there in the first place?

And then BONUS POINTS, how do their relationships with others change or respond when that happens? Do they try to push others away when they’re that vulnerable? Do they struggle with feeling ashamed of it? Or is it a gateway to a stronger bond between them?

EVEN MORE BONUS POINTS, what is the aftermath like? How do these characters adjust to life after the whump? Best case scenario, not very well, and living with the trauma and/or their journey to recover from it is riddled with potholes they have to struggle through.

So this is totally different from bashing, where you make a character you dislike miserable because... you dislike them. This is about taking a character I do like and putting them through extreme situations so I can explore their character and their relationships with others more.

Having Trouble Picturing It?

Remember that scene in Winter Soldier where Bucky gets brainwashed?

Whump.

Or that part in Far From Home where Peter gets hit by a train and passes out?

Whump.

Or that episode of SGA where the Genii have a Wraith feed on John?

Whump! :D

More Resources

There are a ton of whump-focused blogs out there if you need more info, and events/prompt lists like “Whumptober” and “Bad Things Happen Bingo.” A few blogs off the top of my head:

@whumpster-dumpster  @the-wandering-whumper  @whumpthisway 

You can also search #defining whump to see what the rest of tumblr has to say about it, or check out my #whumpology tag for things I’ve reblogged.

Thanks for the ask!

Whumptober #4

Mass Effect Andromeda - #4 - Taken Hostage

*

Ryder ran fast, lungs begging for a break. He ignored the ache and pressed on, legs carrying him as fast as he could manage.

The Tempest was in view, but Ryder still felt so damn far from it. He couldn’t get the distress call out of his head, and it encouraged him to run even faster, nearly tripping over his own feet with his speed.

But they reached the Tempest finally. Ryder called out as soon as they were onboard, heart slamming in his chest from the run and from sheer fear of what they’d find.

“Ryder!” Suvi hurried over to them. “We’ve called the others back.”

“What happened?” Ryder demanded. Liam and Cora shifted anxiously behind him.

“Come with me,” she said, leading them through the ship to the medbay. 

Inside, Lexi was tending to Kallo. He weakly turned his head to face them before dropping his gaze in shame, turning away again.

“Where-” Ryder pressed his lips together in a tight line, breathing deeply through his nose. “Is everyone alright?”

Suvi stepped away from him, fidgeting with her hands. “Ryder, we- that is-”

“Suvi.” Lexi shot her a reassuring look, gesturing at her to sit. She turned to Ryder, expression turning serious. “You need to hear what happened first. They boarded the ship. We thought it was the others returning early. One snuck up to Kallo to keep us from being able to take off and signal for help. They attacked him, but didn’t know Suvi was nearby. She managed to rescue him and bring him down to me. They were trying to kill us, Ryder. I had no choice but to lock the door and barricade the three of us in here.”

“You left him out there on his own,” Ryder said numbly. “You left Gil to fend for himself.”

“We had no choice,” Lexi repeated firmly. “Kallo was injured and barely conscious. We were unarmed. There were four of them chasing Suvi and Kallo. I made a call, and I stand by it.” Her stern expression wavered. “I called you for help just as they tried to break in. We warned Gil. We did. But it was too late.”

Ryder slumped against the wall. “Is he…?”

“They took him,” Suvi said, pressing her hands against her lap. “We think they were after him all along, and were just trying to kill us off or take us as a bonus.”

“We think they know you and Gil are together. They took him as a hostage to lure you in,” Lexi said.

Ryder couldn’t fall apart. He couldn’t. He needed to call in reinforcements, regroup with the others, and spread out to search for Gil.

But he allowed himself a brief moment of weakness to put his face in his hands and let a shudder rock through his body. Gil was a goddamn engineer, not a soldier. 

Ryder knew Gil was scared of the battles they were encountering. He put on a flippant attitude around the others, but Ryder picked up on the subtleties in his speech, the concern buried beneath each modification to the Tempest. He’d been working hard to prepare Ryder for battle, but when the fight finally came, Ryder was off playing diplomat while Gil faced the enemy alone.

Ryder would never forgive himself. All he could do now was try to get Gil back safely.

***

It was hours before they sent the ransom note, accompanied by a live video.

In it, Gil, bound and bloodied, was forced to speak. The kidnappers allowed Ryder to send over three phrases for Gil to repeat to prove it was a live video, and Gil’s trembling voice as he repeated each one broke Ryder’s heart just as surely as it solidified his resolve. 

Then came the instructions, none of which were a surprise. Ryder was to come alone, meeting at the designated spot in an hour and bringing with him a list of all officials aboard the Nexus, all current outposts, and the leaders of all those outposts. It was exactly what someone would need to cause the downfall of the Initiative

Ryder did indeed have a list with him, but it was all false information. As he approached the meeting spot, he tried to appear stoic. If this plan went wrong, Gil would pay the price.

Ryder wasn’t surprised to find the perpetrators masked. One pat him down while he observed the scene. One held onto Gil’s arm. His wrists were bound behind him securely, and he was struggling to stay upright, trying to take the weight off his right ankle.

“Fancy meeting you here, Ryder,” he said, giving a shaky smile. Blood was drying on his face.

“Not our finest date,” Ryder said, trying to keep his tone light. He held up the list, rolled up to hide the false writing on it. “A piece of paper for the galaxy’s finest engineer. That was the deal, right?”

The kidnapper who had patted him down stepped forward. The other held a knife to Gil’s throat hard enough that Gil winced and a thin line of blood bloomed across his skin.

“You’ll hand that over, I’ll confirm the information, and then he’s yours. If the information is fake…” He shrugged and gestured. 

The man holding Gil pulled the blade away from his neck and plunged it into his shoulder. Gil cried out, trying to struggle away and only succeeding in making the blade twist in his flesh.

“Stop!” Ryder snarled.

“Enough,” the one near him said. The other pulled the blade from Gil’s shoulder and held it back to his neck. “I believe the Pathfinder understood the demonstration quite well.” 

Ryder took a cautious step forward. “I put this in your hand and your man takes the knife away. When I let go, Gil and I get to step back while you confirm the information.”

“Fair enough,” the kidnapper said, holding his hand out. 

Ryder kept a tight grip on the list as he placed it in the kidnapper’s hand. He didn’t release it until the other man dropped the knife.

He let go and in a swift motion, grabbed Gil and pulled him protectively behind himself. The kidnapper swapped his knife for a gun, aiming it at Ryder.

He never got a chance to fire. These idiots seemed to have forgotten that Ryder was never unarmed, and never without his team.

“I have contacted the others,” SAM said as Ryder sent a burst of biotic energy forward. It threw both kidnappers against the wall with brutal force. “They are on their way.”

“Thanks.” Ryder stepped forward and took the gun that had fallen from the kidnapper’s hand when he hit the wall. He aimed it at the kidnappers as he slowly moved back towards Gil, reaching out for him with his free hand.

Gil clasped it. Ryder felt wretched at the way Gil’s hand trembled.

Neither spoke. They waited in tense silence until the rest of the Pathfinder team arrived to subdue the kidnappers for questioning. Cora snatched up the fake list as Ryder squeezed Gil’s hand and guided him out and towards the Tempest, Gil limping badly and using Ryder’s shoulder to steady himself.

He stopped once they were outside, out of view of the others. He turned and gently cupped Gil’s bloody, bruised face in his hand, hating the way Gil flinched at the touch.

“I’m sorry,” Ryder whispered.

“I knew you’d…” Gil couldn’t finish the sentence, just clutched Ryder. 

Ryder hugged him tightly, kissing his hair. “Gil. Gil, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Gil didn’t respond. His shoulders were shaking in the way of a man trying to contain sobs. Ryder closed his eyes and held him tighter. 

Both of their worst nightmares had just come true. It didn’t matter if Ryder could get him back in the end; the fact that Gil had been taken hostage in the first place meant he wasn’t safe, even in the Tempest, even in the company of the Pathfinder. 

“I’m sorry,” Ryder choked out again, as if it would change anything, and held onto Gil.

*

This was my first time writing Ryder/Gil, sorry if it’s rough :’) 

2020 fic round-up - original / published fic!

Time for the original fic overview, from this year! There’s a LOT, but some of that was written (at least mostly) last year, and only published this year. So let’s see...

Original Fic (at least mostly written and published in 2020) (Character Bleed, E, 254,099 words. **Pretty much all of this was written in 2019, so I'm not really counting it as 'new words' - but all the editing - and the publication!!!! - happened in 2020!** THIS STORY, YOU GUYS. I love it and these characters so much. It's  the  most ambitious thing I've ever tried to write, that whole  story-within-a-story, being about actors filming a  Regency-era gay love  story, and falling in love themselves. I'm just looking at it all...and  I'm in awe...and the response to this, oh wow. I've been so amazed and  so grateful and so thrilled - the art, the trailer, the comments, the  people thinking about these characters and loving them along with me -  I'm so lucky to have all of you. *hugs everyone* And now you can buy it! As three volumes - Seaworthy, Stalwart, and Steadfast! Available via JMS Books, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and everywhere!) Character Bleed Bonus Scenes,  E, 84,125 words, which means 58,428 new words! Also there're at least three special bonus scenes that *aren't* on AO3, only included with the published books! (Conversely, there're at least two bonus scenes that will only ever be on AO3, for all of you reading there!) So that's probably an extra, oh, let's say around 5k words. Cinnamon and Strawberries (A Character Bleed Story), E, 12,169 words. My Jason & Colby holiday novella! Full of celebrations, love, moving in together, and interesting uses for holiday ribbon... Cadence and the Pearl, E, 60,097 words, About 30k of it written in 2019/2018 (Was this really also published this year? I had FOUR novels out this year? Gosh.) I really love this one, honestly - historical, paranormal, pensive, ocean magic, a fairy tale. The Arch-Mage's Firebird, E, 11,220 words. A spin-off story in the Kitten & Witch universe! (I really ought to write the third part of the main story...) A runaway firebird, and an Arch-Mage in hiding, and a beachside town. One Night in London: Robert & Anthony, E, 29,247 words. My part of the fabulous collaborative three-part novel, with @turtletotem and @thebestpersonherelovesbucky ! <33333 You can buy the collected version here - they're more fun to read together, since our characters interact, but they can technically stand alone. Regency m/m romance, ballrooms, scandals... (I also wrote the prologue for the collected edition, so, + about 5k words!) Eventually there'll be a print version of the collected edition! We had so much fun - perhaps we'll do it again sometime... :D :D A Demon for Forever, E, 13,752 words - surprise! I thought I was done with the Demon for Midwinter  universe - but JMS did a submissions call for stories celebrating LGBTQ  marriage, and, well - I'd written the proposal story for Kris and  Justin, so...we should get to see the wedding, right? With Justin in a wedding dress. A sparkly one. This story is also available as part of the JMS Books 2020 Top Ten Anthology! The Demon's Choice, E, 19,365 words - extra surprise! I'd had to cut this whole subplot from an earlier Demon story, but I couldn't stop thinking about it, so...I finally wrote it as a bonus story! Hurt/comfort, Justin confronting his heritage, and of course a happy ending. Refuge at Clifftop, E, 17,262 words. Third in the Extraordinary superhero polyamory series! Lots of hurt/comfort in this one, near-death self-sacrifice, tons of heroic love! Leather and Tea in London, E, 20,909 words - the third  of the Leather and Tea stories! Written for the JMS Books BDSM  collection call. Simon's brother needs a favor. So Ben and Simon head to  London, bringing Ben's retired-spy skill set and also some fun toys for  enjoying themselves. This story is also available as part of the JMS Books Hurts So Good BDSM Trio Collection! A Penny for Your Thoughts, E (but mostly implied / discussed - those darn truth-telling coins!), 3,981 words. A original-fic rewrite of an Evanstan drabble, expanded somewhat - and I really love these characters! A magician, his hero, mutual pining, and love confessions. Of Starlit Balls and Starship Captains, T, 6,596 words. M/F, with bi/pan protagonists - my attempt at mixing space opera and Regency romance! Technically I'd written an earlier version of this a couple years ago for a contest, for which it was not chosen, so this isn't all new writing, but substantially so. Statuesque, E, 3,491 words - some lesbian erotica! Short and kinky - established Dom/sub relationship - and loving. Honey Witch, E, 4,032 words. More short lesbian erotica! A witch and her princess, finding each other. Original Fic (written/heavily revised in 2020, publication contracts signed but not yet published) A Sonnet for a Thunderstorm, M, 3,202 words. An expanded original-character version of a several-years-old Cherik drabble - 18th century historical, thunderstorms, a poet and his pirate. Probably out in April/May 2021. (Frost & Raine, expanded version - the version that's still on AO3, which I'll have to take down, is about 31k - the published version, coming in February 2021, is currently 40,020 words. So...8,141 new words!) Original Fic (written in 2020, not yet under contract or published other than on AO3) In Focus, which is the Character Bleed spin-off, Leo's story - still in progress! it's up  to 68,458 words, so that means...52,947 new words in 2020! Not bad. Whumptober 2020 - Original Fic Edition, E (overall; individual chapters vary), 13,271 words. All the Whumptober fics for my original fic - fanfic for myself! A couple of the Character Bleed-related ones might make it into publication, as well as the Jamie/Brendan story, eventually, I hope. Ember and Serenity,  E, 23,170 words currently - I added chapter 5 in 2020, so that's 2,418 new words! I do have plans for this one. Oh yes. My  librarian-magician and his book-thief...yes. And if you're wondering who  hired Serenity, well, there already has been a clue... :D Spells and Sensibility (working title), aka the Mystery Project I'm working on with @thebestpersonherelovesbucky  - which involves Regency-era magicians, and is currently 35,546 words!

#

That’s a lot of words! I feel Accomplished. Looking forward to more words in 2021 - and sharing them all with all of you, without whom I’d’ve never had the courage to try to publish stories. Thank you - you’re why I do this. <3333

Day 1 - Let’s hang out sometime

Whumptober 2020 - Home is where the hurt is

-

Jay wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing here. Everything happened so fast and before he knew it, he was sitting on a barstool in an unknown pub with his worst enemy brightly chattering next to him.

He’d bumped into Zayne on his way home and was invited, coerced, to hang out at the pub a few streets over.

“Come on, it’s Happy Hour. Let’s have a drink. My treat!”

Drinks with Zayne felt more like agony hour.

“I don’t drink,” came the easy lie. Jay would much rather sip his own spirits at home. Alone.

“Then take a fizzy drink.”

And so Jay was pretty much dragged and deposited onto a barstool where he now sat with a permanent scowl.

“Wasn’t that a happy coincidence.” Zayne almost beamed and nudged a petulant Jay sitting next to him.

“Almost as if you weren’t having a stake out at my house every day,” Jay acknowledged. Coincidences didn’t exist in his world anymore.

He scooted back on his seat. Maybe he could start an argument and make a scene or something, but one look from Zayne stopped him and the mood shifted immediately.

“Don’t,” Zayne warned. He closed his hand around Jay’s wrist, moving fast but almost tenderly.

Jay’s eyes narrowed in disgust. Zayne guided his hand towards his own chest, slipping Jay’s open palm under the open leather jacket near his ribcage. Jay’s narrowed eyes widened for just a split second as his hand touched over something hard. Zayne may be fitter than he was, but he didn’t have pecs of steel. He explored the outline of the metal item with his fingers; a gun.

The warning was clear, delivered by a lover’s touch to deceive the people around them at whom the bullets would be aimed if he were to raise a fuzz.

He looked around the room to see if anyone was looking at them suspiciously, but everyone was too caught up in their own conversations. Zayne let go of his wrist and Jay pulled back as if the metal burned his hand.

“Fine.”

He scanned the menu looking for the most expensive cocktail, not even checking what was in it, and gave his order to the bartender.

“I thought you didn’t drink.” Zayne took him in with an amused smile.

“If I have to put up with you for an evening I do,” Jay said. Being petty was his best defence now.

Both fell silent to admire the lush cocktail that was now placed in front of Jay. It exploded with colour and while it was strong enough to knock you off your feet just looking at it, Jay felt he needed something a little stronger to pass the evening (and hit Zayne’s wallet) so he ordered a double whiskey to go with it.

Zayne stole the little blue umbrella from the drink, twirling it around between his fingers. He took a sip of his scotch but reached out to Jay’s cocktail as well. “Lemme have a taste.”

“Get your own,” Jay growled and twirled the straw out of reach to take a sip. His face lit up with the sweet taste. He preferred sweet drinks, to be honest. This was kinda worth the price, though not worth sitting here with Zayne. He twisted his face back in a scowl to show his displeasure, but the short burst of happiness he radiated didn’t escape Zayne.

“That good, huh?” He ordered one for himself. Again he took the little umbrella but this time stuck it in Jay’s hair where it stuck out behind his ear. “Lovely.”

Jay took it out and deliberated stabbing it through Zayne’s hand. It would probably break, though, unfortunately. “Why are we here?”

“Just hanging out. Unless you want to go back to your place?” Zayne gave a suggestive wink.

Relenting, Jay sipped at his straw. Spending an awkward evening in close proximity to Zayne may be a torture of its own, but he wasn’t going to push it. Getting drunk was better than getting beat.

-

Tagging the team for this bonus post as there was no chapter last weekend: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully  @rougenoirofthepurpleterror

Hey Em! I've gone through most of your Malec fics and I really love them! (especially the autistic!Alec one but also all those dealing with Alec's mental health issues) I was wondering if you have other recs for me of fics you love, since I'm really new in the fandom and there's so much out there?

Hi there! I’m so glad you’ve been reading and enjoying my fics! That means so much to me :) You’re so sweet! <3

I always have fic recs, so I am more than happy to give you some anytime you want. Here’s a list of a few (or a LOT because I got carried away, oops) that I love with my whole heart. I’m not sure what kinds of fics you like, so I rec’d some of my faves and ones that are specifically about autistic!Alec or Alec & mental health issues.

~ ~ ~

- Walking With Death by Aria_Lerendeair. This is a fic about Malec becoming immortal husbands, and it’s angsty but so, so, so good. Death is a character and Alec buys him coffee.

- Stone Can Be Broken by lawsofchaos and the wonderful sequel Hearts Can Be Remade by Aria_Lerendeair. Both are very angsty, but Laws’ has a hopeful ending and Aria’s has a happy ending. Be sure to read the tags on Aria’s! <3

- Five Times Alec Hides His Tears And One Time He Doesn’t by notcrypticbutcoy. This fic is about Alec’s struggles with anxiety and it is such a heartwrenching read for me. 100/10 recommend. 

- Violet by cuubism. This one deals with some pretty serious suicidal thoughts, so be cautious! <3 Magnus and Alec meet each other on a bridge. Or, the one where helping someone else is sometimes easier than helping yourself. Written by cuubism of the Malec Discord server we’re a part of!

- Wish Upon A Shooting Star by Aria_Lerendeair. Another immortal husbands fic, and it is so, so sweet and has a whimsical, optimistic energy that will surely make you smile. (Bonus points: written by our very own sassy moderator of the Malec Discord server.)

- “You are hurt” by sugarandspace. I’m not sure how much you like parabatai feels, but if you do, this is THE FIC for you. Jenna, who is a member of our lovely Malec server as well, does it wonderfully. It’s set post-3x18 Malec breakup and it has Alec self-harming and lots of feels with him & Jace.

- A Different Time by TK_Extraordinaire. This fic is basically a character study of Alec, a look at how he evolved over the years told from the POV of others.

- Tell me I’m perfect (but tell me the truth) by SquaresAreNotCircles. This fic is one of my favourite fluffy ones and it’s basically 7.5k of Alec talking about how much he loves his boyfriend to everyone who’s not him and then one time Magnus finds out about these secret compliment-fests.

- Brother Let Me Be Your Shelter by alistoney. This fic deals with Alec’s self-harm and it is an add-on to that scene in season 1 when Alec storms away after Jace & Clary kiss. Lots of Izzy and Alec feels, provided graciously by the amazing Zia of our Malec server.

- I will catch you when you fall by sugarandspace. Another fic where Alec self-harms, but this time it’s Magnus helping him out.

- Quiet now, you’re gonna wake the beast by EternallySilverMagnusAndAlec. This is a wonderful autistic!Alec fic that also goes into the emotional trauma that Alec has to deal with from Maryse. Written by EternallySilver of the Malec Discord server!

- Not So Unrequited by Aria_Lerendeair. A best friends to lovers AU that goes through their journey together as friends (including lots of delicious angst) and eventually leads to the confessing of feelings.

- The Lonely Hearts Hotline by Fatale (femme). I prefer oneshots to long fics, so this is one of the only fanfics I’ve read that surpasses 20k. This is the story of CEO Magnus and phone sex operator Alec and yes, it is absolutely as good as it sounds. 100/10 must read.

- Subjective by Accal1a. This fic was actually just posted tonight in the Malec Discord server, but I wanted to link it in case you didn’t see. Hannah has an amazing way with words. This is a 5+1 about Alec & dealing with homophobia. It isn’t all posted yet, but it will be soon, and the first chapter is SO GOOD.

- Autistic Alec AU by AceOnIce. This is a series of fics where Alec is a mundane and autistic, and it shows the journey of his relationship with Magnus. It’s amazing and also written by one of our Discord server members, Amelia.

- shed my skin, my scars by ByTheAngell. This fic is another fic about Alec & self-harm, written by the wonderful Elle of the Malec Discord server, with a few mentions of other ways of not taking care of himself, too. It’s set post-canon and portrays the way that people can fall back into bad habits quickly and easily very well.

- On Thunderstorms and Scared Shadowhunters by alxdrlightwood. The fic in which Alec slowly begins to accept that it’s okay to have a phobia, and Magnus is there to provide cuddles.

- And They Were Roommates by CoolStoryMatt. A roommates college AU where Malec are oblivious idiots that really need to learn to communicate better. Another of the rare above 20k faves of mine. Absolutely hilarious, with great plot and so many moments that’ll make you yell at your screen.

- Whumptober 2019 by Donovanspen. This is a series of works with Malec hurt/comfort and angst.

- No reason to feel like this by sugarandspace. A fic in which Alec deals with depression, and Magnus is there for him.

- it took me years to say the words that you did not even need said by arekiras. A series of fics about autistic!Alec and his life as a Shadowhunter, Head of the Institute, and boyfriend/husband to Magnus Bane.

- Red-Handed by Carmenlire. This is a fic about Alec relapsing with self-harm and Magnus being there for him. Like Elle’s fic above, it also portrays the way one can slip back into bad habits quickly and easily very well.

- Reasons To Stay by AceOnIce. This fic is a 5 times fic with 5 times Alec wanted to die, but didn’t.

- holding onto you by anonlymous. Another Alec & self-harm fic where Magnus is there for him.

- Once You Taste It by Carmenlire. Yet another Alec & self-harm fic, with Alec making the choice to go to Magnus before things get too far.

- An Unlikely Angel by thatnerdemilyj. This fic is a Fraywood brotp where Clary leaves nice sticky notes for Alec after being exposed to all of the bad thoughts in his mind. Bonus points, it’s written by the lovely creator of our Malec server, the other Em!

- First step after the fall by sugarandspace. A fic about the aftermath of 2x08 but Magnus has wings as a warlock mark and he used those to save Alec when he jumped. Lots of angst for both Magnus & Alec!

- Survive In That Despair by thattrainssailed. This fic is one of the only no-dialogue fics I’ve ever read, but it makes the emotion that much more potent. It’s another Alec & self-harm fic, and it’s more graphic than the others I’ve rec’d here, so please be extra cautious! <3

- We Care For Each Other by ZequoiaRose. A bad day fic with absolutely ridiculous amounts of hurt/comfort. So soft, I don’t even have words. 100/10 recommend. 

- I cannot touch because they are too near by jillyfae. This fic is honestly the best fic about the parabatai bond I’ve ever read. It has a truly lovely amount of wordbuilding and is told from Magnus’s POV where he wants to know more about the bond Alec & Jace have. Extremely soft and written by jilly from our Malec Discord server.

- Between The Lines by Carmenlire. If you like pre-canon fics at all, this is an absolute must-read. It tells a heartwrenching story of Alec & his repression due to the Shadowhunters’ homophobic society, told from Isabelle’s POV. 

- Starling by cuubism. One of the best fics about Alec & mental health issues, in my opinion. It’s absolutely heartbreaking in the best way. It can also be pretty intense, so be sure to read the tags and the author’s trigger warnings! <3

- Astraphobia by AceOnIce. An autistic!Alec college AU where Alec’s fear of thunderstorms causes him to meet Magnus for the first time. So, so, so cute. Like, illegally cute.

- The Breath of a Lie by Secretness. This fic is another one of the best fics about Alec & mental healh issues. Although, please be aware - it is very, very intense. This fic will fuck you up good if you’re not careful, so please take care of yourself. <3

- 11:45 by bidness. This fic is the last of my above 20k recs. It is the sweetest workplace AU you will ever read, where Magnus keeps stealing Alec’s lunch and leaving apology notes behind. Also written by the absolutely wonderful Tilly of the Malec Discord server.

- The Best High School Love Story (Maybe Ever) by Aria_Lerendeair. If high school AUs are your thing, you will absolutely love this. It features competitive Malec, best friends to lovers, and the cutest storyline to ever cute.

~ ~ ~

So I ended up giving you like, half of my bookmarks, oops. Sorry about that. I hope you find some that you like among these, and thank you so much again for reading my fics!

Thank you for the ask!

[coda] a pyrrhic victory/an elpidian daydream

this coda marks my first multichapter fic wrapped up and completed!!! so here’s some more related ramblings as a way for me to commemorate this milestone n___n

with the nonlinear narrative I thought I’d include a linked timeline for the chapters in case anyone (like me lol) wants to read the story in chronological order. then there’s some further explanation of what I’ve dubbed ~the jeron’s death conspiracy~ and notes from characterization I wasn’t able to include directly in the story, but were still important regardless...

furthermore, I want to thank @ninelanterns, @atthelamppost, and @sadieandor for following along with this story, as well as anyone else who came along for the adventure. this is definitely a darkfic as far as rebelcaptain goes but I hope that both endings were satisfying in their own ways !!

1. an actual chronological table of contents

Before Cassian is reaped:

day 15

Cassian’s time in the Games:

days 2, 9, 5, 18

What came after that:

days 6, 7, 11, 13, 14, 22, 26◆

Jeron dies:

days 20, 8, 25

Jyn is reaped and Cassian mentors her:

days 1, 3, 4, 12, 10, 16, 17◆, 19◆, 21, 23, 24, 27, 28, 29, 30

After Jyn wins her Games:

bonus chapter, day 31

◆ = chapters that are about trauma concurrent to most of the story, and loosely placed chronologically

2. the Jeron conspiracy

I decided to do a summary for this because I changed my plan slightly after posting day 8: “don’t say goodbye”/abandoned due to some inspiration from @ninelanterns; originally I was going to have snow have cassian brainwashed into genuinely believing that irga and his father were killed by someone with a grudge against them and the capitol (aka someone closely related to a tribute who died under their mentorship) in order to use him as a mouthpiece against those plotting against the capitol; the angst would’ve been from him finding out the truth and hating that his dad’s suicide was used for the capitol’s means. but then I got the idea to have snow brainwash cassian into believing that the “accident” his father and irga died in was actually his fault, because he told jeron the truth of what snow was doing to him in the capitol:

Snow sells Cassian “under the table” until he turns 19, which is when he has Cassian adopt a new persona that can be better capitalized on. Jeron realizes that Cassian’s faking it, suspects that Cassian has been hiding his victimhood this entire time, and when he confirms it realizes there’s no other way to get Cassian out of it; Snow certainly won’t let him sub in to mentor. Suicide is his solution to both Cassian’s problem and his guilt over not being able to protect his son.

Snow has Irga killed in the same way that Jeron kills himself to let Cassian and Lila know that Snow knows it was a suicide. Suicide is the ultimate refutation of Snow’s power—as well as the complete antithesis to any victor’s innate clinging to survival—so Snow has it covered up: Cassian, as one of two people to know the truth about Jeron’s suicide and Irga’s death, is tortured and brainwashed into believing that Jeron and Irga were killed in a power plant explosion as retribution for him disobeying Snow. Doing so serves two purposes: installing the cover-up and guarantees Cassian’s submission.

Before his death Jeron wrote a suicide note, knowing that he couldn’t kill himself and leave Cassian without an explanation. He knows that Snow will have their house stripped and searched, so he hides the note in what was designated to be Cassian’s house. He couldn’t have known it would be the one thing that would break through the brainwashing; if Cassian hadn’t found it, he would have continued to believe that it was all his fault.

Draven does his own investigation into Jeron and Irga’s deaths after witnessing the whiplash that was Cassian’s first three years as an unwilling victor whore, his outrageous personality flip after turning ninteen, and how his demeanor changed after undergoing “therapy” to cope with Jeron’s death. He finds out that Jeron’s death was a suicide, Irga’s death was retribution, and that Snow has an entire program to monetize and exploit victors after their Games.

3. getting from day 1 to 31?!

when I originally thought of this AU it was more about the angst that growing up in the limelight of the capitol as the son of a victor would be like, with constant camera crews as cassian was growing up, betting pools on when he was going to be reaped, etc. and more of an emphasis on the issues that cassian (as part of the pseudo-celebrity class that victors occupy in the capitol) would have trying to promote this fake relationship with jyn during the games to save her. there was also going to be a straight downer ending, with the closing scene being cassian telling jyn that they have to fake a relationship now in front of the cameras and jyn having a “what have you done?” moment

I deliberately did not go in depth with what jeron’s life as a victor was like, partly because plotting both jyn and cassian’s hunger games was already a Lot (I found out pretty quickly that you have to start with planning the arena first, in order to plan tribute deaths and sponsor gifts...) but jeron was an underdog winner, as are most of the victors from non-career districts. lila was pregnant around the time that jeron was reaped and esperanza, their first child, was born some time before jeron’s victory tour. snow had their daughter killed because of something jeron did/didn’t do on the tour; even though jeron and lila are shaken from the loss they agree to be open to having another child, provided that jeron doesn’t do anything to put the child at risk ever again.... but cassian would’ve gotten reaped regardless because there is no way snow wouldn’t have exploited the family drama!!! but cassian’s reaping creates a rift that is referenced in day 15: accidents. and even though jeron is successful in saving cassian that isn’t the end of it; while lila isn’t privy to what cassian is going through she can feel a marked difference each year he comes back in the way that mothers do, as well as the tension between father and son (cassian’s fear of jeron finding out as he’s dragged deeper and deeper vs. jeron’s suspicion that something wrong is happening that has to do with cassian), which all culminates in the year that cassian turns nineteen with jeron’s death. when her husband arrived in district 5 before cassian did he didn’t tell lila about their son being a horndog in the capitol, but lila seeing cassian after he finally gets back five weeks later confirms her worst fears. then she’s the one that discovers jeron’s body and is present when the peacekeepers come to take cassian back to the capitol. her son is gone for a month....... then when he comes back he’s spouting lies about jeron’s death even though both of them saw the body??? yeah, that’s why she nopes on out of victors’ village. after jeron’s death her and cassian don’t see each other for four years until cassian brings jyn home from the games

jyn’s backstory came together quickly but I had considered having bodhi be one of the tributes who died under cassian’s mentorship. bodhi and jyn would’ve been close friends so jyn would have already had that vendetta against cassian; it would’ve made hitting that original ending easier but having jyn be against cassian from the very start would’ve made it less plausible that they could earn each other’s trust before the start of jyn’s games............. while I wanted this story to be dark and depressing I still wanted it to have a reciprocated rebelcaptain end game, so :’)

it wasn’t until day 28 (the cassian/finnick noncon) that I got an idea for a not-so-horrible ending, and I blame the completely depressingly hopeless whump in that chapter for making me think “hmm maybe this shouldn’t end terribly” :’D btw, if anyone noticed I forgot annie cresta is in canon the 70th hunger games victor. for someone who’s neurotic about looking up details I have no idea how this fact escaped me because I didn’t notice until at least halfway through whumptober, so we’ll just say in this AU she’s the 71st victor. this weaves in nicely with my headcanon that after snow saw how easily cassian was manipulated when someone he loved was on the line, he had annie reaped to exert more control over finnick (which happens to be my favorite kind of odesta fic tbh). anyway after writing 3k of depressing andair (andor/odair ship name? ok i’m shutting up) cassian/finnick I had a lovely mental image of cassian and jyn cuddling on the train back home to district 5, relieved and alive, and thought that would be a more uplifting note to end on. then I remembered that I was writing this for whumptober, and decided to write the terrible ending too :’)

4. some chapter commentary because why not

[ETA later!]

5. is there no escape?

yes!!! yes they do escape:

in a pyrrhic victory, post-day 31, draven succeeds in absconding with cassian and meeting up with jyn, saw, lyra, and the rest of their resistance cell (an underground, pan-panem organization fittingly called.... the alliance). draven has to cut out cassian’s implant before they rendezvous with the group, which he ropes a medical professional into doing (he may or may not kill them afterwards); it’s the only mark cassian bears on his body until he starts getting freckles from being in the sun again. similar to mockingjay in how peeta’s hijacking was treated with therapy in district 13, cassian undergoes actual, legitimate therapy after he and draven settle in with the alliance HQ. draven hovers anxiously for the first several sessions because “therapy” in the capitol has a stigma, even before he read the term “extensive in-patient therapy” in cassian’s intendance records, and it does take a good while before they make any remarkable progress. but unlike katniss and peeta cassian is alright in jyn’s presence, and in fact prefers it. they’re almost always seen together, and while jyn has a good amount of guilt for leaving him behind the first time her motivation for staying with him is out of a genuine desire to help him get better so they can be with each other the same way they were in an elpidian daydream again.

in happily ever after!an elpidian daydream, cassian and jyn are able to escape together in between arriving home in district 5 and what was supposed to be jyn’s victory tour. jyn was never aware of what snow did with desirable victors because it’s really only the top 1% of panem and the victors who know about it; she and cassian escape after he tells her that he wants to leave with her, but he doesn’t tell her the real reason why he wants to escape until much later and jyn never sees the recording of cassian and finnick (but he does tell her it exists when he’s explaining the details of how snow exerts his control over the victors). their relationship progresses steadily, but the secret doesn’t come out until jyn points out that cassian is extremely passive in bed and only mirrors her desires. there’s varying attitudes towards sex in the districts vs. the libertine views in the capitol but cassian’s shame stems from his powerlessness in what he had to do Before. he receives therapy for it but jyn is patient and firm with reminding him that he had absolutely zero choice in the matter, and that she could never hate or be disgusted with him for it. there’s a lot to work through there as a result of cassian having to lie to himself about it for the first couple of years of it happening and then willingly choosing to engage with it when he was trying to save jyn, but their relationship comes out all the more stronger for it. as for what happens to draven?.... because this is the happily ever after ending I like to think he’s able to stay in the capitol and work as an agent codenamed fulcrum 🤪🤙 and that after his extraction when things get too dangerous for him in the capitol he and cassian are able to reunite again as part of the alliance/rebellion !!