“changelings” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I’m watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I’d be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

Well, damn.

Where do I even start?

Ah, yes, ridiculous fashion choices. Thank you, that’ll do nicely.

Seriously, what is up with this belt? Is there a funny story/deep significance I missed here? Did the Evil Queen get really into wrestling while off-screen? Is this a Fight Club thing?

So many questions, and neary an answer in sight…

…yeah, OK, I’ll get to the actual episode. Under the cut, though. Be warned, this wasn’t a happy one for multiple reasons. For one it’s so long and I am really sorry. I just kept going “and another thing…!” until we got to the current state of things. There are some “skip here” suggestions in the text, though. For another… yeah, just go ahead and read the thing. Short version right here: I did not like this episode, and its also a microcosm of this show’s issues with character continuity. (As in “which bits are canon this episode”)

OK, brief shout out to the whole scene at the barn house. Regina threatening the Evil Queen with crushing her own heart was deeply worrying, but also kind of badass. Good on her. Also, the conversation afterwards. It’s nice to have it all out in the open for once.

Next up: the flashback!

names displayed to silently accuse the guilty (not really they just happened to be in the shot)

Which was… alright, I guess? I mean, the Rumbelle dynamic was completely off compared to what we’ve seen from anything but their very earliest days (I’m thinking about the Robin incident, which was… maybe Belle’s second day there?), but compared to all the other nonsense going on in that area, this is barely a blip on the radar.

This had definitely the only moment of much-needed comic relief of the episode, namely Blue’s dress. I mean, she wears it with commendable sincerity, but that thing just doesn’t get any better with prolonged exposure.

So, Rumple can read Elf, but he can’t read Fairy? OK, I guess, but you’d think that over a 200-year-long rivalry, he’d have made the effort. Well, if nothing else, the “Belle knows Fairy” thing is a nice fanfic fact.

Anything else here…?

Oh, yeah. Rumple’s mom.

Alright, it might be a little early, but I’m calling it now: viewed by quantity, Rumple has The Worst Parents on this show. Simply because both of them were evil, child-stealing assholes who abandoned their son. …you know, despite the very obvious irony in that sentence, I’m shocked Rumple turned out as good as he did. All praise the two spinning ladies.

By the way, how many parents do we have who didn’t abandon their children? Obviously, there are some, but I highly doubt we’d get as much as an even split. Yes, I realise that this is part of the show’s theme, but that is still a lot of absent parents.

He didn’t get much out of that conversation, though, did he? Well, looks like he’ll have another opportunity this season, at least… (If I sound a little underwhelmed, it’s just because of my general mood, I’m actually pretty excited to see more of her. “Sometimes you have to choose power over love”, huh?)

::long groan:: I don’t wanna do this. Because I feel like this should be a serious, in-depth analysis, when really all I want to say is “this episode hurt me and not in the good way”.

I think a large part of the problem is this: I wasn’t there with the story. I think Rumple and Belle’s actions both grew… sort of organically to the point they reached by the end of the episode, but getting there was such a janky, half-baked mess that I just. Didn’t. Buy it.

Right up until the end of that really, really disturbing scene in the library, there are some giant leaps of logic I’m supposed to just follow along with. Like “the best way to get my son to love me is to speed up Belle’s pregnancy” or “Rumple wants to cut our son’s destiny so that he can be corrupted ‘or worse’.” Also, what the hell is “worse” supposed to be in this scenario? What, exactly, did he think Rumple would do to his own child? Ugh!

Also, this didn’t happen until later, but “Just because he did the right thing today doesn’t mean he’ll do the right thing tomorrow”? Really, Emma? Isn’t hoping people who do the right thing today will do the right thing tomorrow kind of at the core of your entire moral system?

::dons hardhat::

OK, outright: The library scene was painful, and deliberately cruel on part of the writers. Because there were so many options for this to play out that didn’t involve Rumple chasing Belle into the elevator that’s been an established “Thing” in the narrative of this couple. I’m not saying this is bad writing (I want to, but let’s face it, I’m hardly objective), but it’s definitely a deliberate punch to the gut. And then there’s the bit where Belle has to talk Rumple down, which…  ::shudder:: yeah, not a good look.

What annoys me about that conversation… OK, one of the things that annoy me about that conversation is that I can’t even properly analyse anyone’s character motivation here, because I have no fucking idea which bits of canon I’m “supposed to” remember this week!

Some canon dissection at this point, skip if you’re bored.

So. Belle told Rumple that “all she wanted [him] to do was try”, which is reasonable enough on its face. In an ideal world, I’d assume this refers back to his comment in s5 where he basically said that the darkness was irrevocably part of him and that he had no intentions of changing that. Which is a… bold choice of words for someone who was literally, straight-up cursed with that amount of darkness. But I digress. The thing is that I don’t actually know if that’s what Belle meant, because, like I said, there’s been a very clear trend of “please only remember selected pieces of established continuity” in recent seasons episodes, and if you’re going to play it like this, that makes any kind of analysis really hard.

Because here’s the thing: he absolutely did try after that. Right after that, you might say. He and Belle worked together (using Belle’s method rather than gunning for Hades directly) to get their child back from Hades. And when Belle decided to put herself under a sleeping curse so as not to risk Hades stealing their child (because Belle does impulsive shit when she feels cornered), Rumple not only got their child back, he also tried to kiss her awake afterwards—something he previously said would require too much of a change from him to even attempt! And when that didn’t work, he did what she’d asked and brought her to her father, who refused to wake her, because his child being worse-than-dead was apparently still better than her being with Rumple. (And no, words still cannot express how much I hate Moe French. He started out a shitty father and then got worse.)

And then he kept trying to wake her up, because that’s what you do for a person you love. I’d even say he was about to succeed in waking her up, when what I can only call a diabolus ex machina turned up to tell her that Rumple is bad and will “destroy his family” (in a frustratingly unspecified manner that was never elaborated upon). And I’d be happier with this if it was framed as the kind of self-fulfilling prophecy the season 2 seer girl made—that Belle trying to avoid a future where Rumple destroyed their family would put them on the path to destroying their family—but I’m not sure that’s what’s going on. And if it is, then the writing in that one bit of the show is certainly a lot subtler than everywhere else.

I don’t care how cute a baby you are, adult!you is still a douchebag

So, at this point, Rumple has tried really hard to be a better version of himself, but somehow none of that work is recognised in narrative. It’s perfectly fine for Belle not to recognise it for several reasons (it’s also a bit weird, considering how she still seems to feel about him), but the narrative never acknowledges that all of this can definitely be filed under “striving to be better.” Which, again, brings me to the “so which bits of canon are canon today?” question. (Also, hi, I have a strong suspicion that the people involved in planning this show are a lot better at short stories than ongoing series with open sequel hooks. No pun intended.)

And then, like I said, things took a pretty sharp turn towards the end of last episode and at the top of this one. I’m… not even touching that any further. I’m tired, and not in the “I woke up early to get this writing done” sense.

::sigh:: Remember The Bear and the Bow? Good times, that, huh?

Alright. Deep breath. It’s uphill from here. Kind of. The hill is inside a hell-pit, so it’s not a great climb.

The post-library bit of the episode kind of works as far as internal logic goes. The episode had pretty much lost me by then, to the point where I was just relieved it actually wasn’t Rumple who spiked that tea. Because, let me tell you, I know I said I didn’t see myself quitting the show, but that version would have been hard as hell to watch. So. Glad I don’t live in that version of reality.

Still, at that point, Belle has no reason to think someone other than Rumple would have wanted to give her that potion. Which meant he was still after the baby, so sending the little bean away was… still not a great idea, really, but I can see how she arrived there. Belle does impulsive shit when she feels cornered. If she thought Rumple had really sunk that low… yeah, it’s still not a great option (and, again some really good acting in that scene), but not completely out of left field.

And Rumple was obviously afraid something like this would happen, which is why he tried to barge into the convent like that. Didn’t exactly make him look more innocent, but he was in a hurry.

at least you’re pretty to look at, I guess

At least one person acted entirely consistent with prior characterisation, meaning the Evil Queen. Because that potion was such a classic move that I’m a bit surprised Rumple didn’t see that one coming. My guy, this is basically the same woman who convinced you Belle was dead before locking her in a cell for thirty years. She knows where to hit you and how to make it stick, and you should know that!

And this is not me saying that it’s Rumple’s fault, but he sure got a good hit from the idiot ball when he unceremoniously dropped the Evil Queen as his partner/”partner” without going “hm, could she possibly feel the urge to screw me over for this?”

And so, Rumple missed the birth of his second child, Belle had her first child without her husband to support her, and while Gideon is a lovely name, I can’t help but think that picking a name for your child is something couples should do together, playfully bickering back and forth for weeks that no, we are not naming our son Immanuel, why is this even a discussion? (…I had several friends get pregnant over the last three years and you hear some weird stuff. The little guy is called Immanuel now, by the way. Among other things.)

Oh, and speaking of the little guy’s name...

WHY WOULDN’T SHE TELL HIM? Seriously, the name wouldn’t do anything to find him he couldn’t do with blood magic. Which he has readily available, since it’s--and I know this comes as a shock--his child. Seriously, that just seems... nedlessly cruel.

Also, to close this out with some (semi-)humour, I want to make this a callout for one Belle Gold, who decided that of all the people present this was the best person to hand her newborn child:

I think I am on record for saying that I would not trust the Blue Fairy with taking care of a gerbil, nevermind a human being. Frankly, if she told me the sky was blue, I’d go outside and check, just in case the apocalypse had gone off while I wasn’t looking. That’s how little I trust her.

Now, I do know that this is not the story of how Blue has been evil all along, but there is a world where that’s the big twist at the end of this episode.

I finally got my hands on an old copy of the official Grim Fandango strategy guide, so in honor of that, here’s a list of some of the things mentioned in the later chapters of the book that I don’t believe are mentioned in-game. Enjoy!

Manny is “an average bum” who would be walking if he didn’t have his job at the D.O.D Manny doesn’t like the D.O.D elevators because they feel too similar to coffins to him The Land of the Living looks so strange because the dead can apparently, “see people’s souls, and most people’s souls aren’t very pretty.”

Domino is the one who throws the beer bottles down the tube switcher 

The Balloon Clown has been working festivals since before Manny’s arrival in El Marrow

Manny had never been in the Tube Room before because Don had declared it off limits, and because Manny is intimidated by Brennis

Brennis sets himself on fire, “more often that one might think”

Manny was mad at Glottis about the modifications made to his company car up until it spun Domino’s car off the Limbo Highway, and decided that, “he and Glottis were a team made in Heaven.”

Domino enjoys taking photos of himself shaking hands with dead celebrities, and looking at himself in mirrors, “lots of mirrors.” Apparently he, “spends more time in the john than Manny did the morning after the Christmas Party.”

The speed bag in Domino’s office used to belong to Manny, but he didn’t have use for it until he wanted to imagine “knocking Dom’s teeth loose.”

Glottis is 8-foot and 800 pounds 

The sensation of Manny putting Glottis’s heart back in was like, “punching through a giant lump of bread dough.”

Manny was a city kid

When Manny threw Glottis off the marrow pump in the Petrified Forest, he promised he’d buy Glottis a socket set to make up for it 

Manny was the one who put the guard rails around the Calavera Cafe so customers wouldn’t fall like he had a year prior

Glottis wanted to put racing stripes on his piano

Chowchilla Charlie is 5-foot exactly, and most people tend to avoid him, as he is well known in Rubacava for being sleazy- and because he reeks of cheap cologne

Membrillo is apparently a regular at the Calavera Cafe

Nick Virago’s favorite drink is martinis

Manny has, “always wanted to drive a forklift”

The tattoo parlor entrance was once the chimney to a factory. “Cities in the Land of the Dead don’t sprawl; they just build over or reuse relics of the past. When whoever had run the factory moved on to the Ninth Underworld, Toto moved in.”

Naranja was getting a tattoo of a mermaid

Lola would moonlight as a race photographer for Feline Meadows

Manny’s specialty when he was a chef on the Limbo was “chiles rellenos”

When Pugsy threw the hammer at Manny, Manny wanted to throw it back but stopped at the last second because he, “didn’t want to pile up any more sins.”

Manny knew how to disarm the vault Domino kept Meche in because, “The guy who installed his office safe back in Rubacava showed him how they worked.”

Johnny Thunder is “legendary” in the Land of the Dead and Manny has apparently always wanted to see him

The crocodile in the tunnel is called the “Albinozod”

Day Seventeen - Christmas dialogue prompt 24 "Christmas shopping is the worst." & situation prompt 4. Christmas shopping together; with Steve Harrington

masterlist | christmas drabble event (closed) | event masterlist

Star Court Mall had officially reopened, and luckily just a few weeks before Christmas. On his day off, even though Steve didn’t want to spend more time in the mall than he already did, he let you drag him along to buy whoever’s gifts you hadn’t gotten yet, and to do some of his shopping, too.

Luckily, or unluckily, for Steve, 80 percent of his Christmas list was 15-year-old nerds. With your help, El and Max were easy to shop for. He’d overheard Will talking about exploring his art more, so he would look around for some watercolor kits, he’d asked Lucas’ parents if there was anything he wanted and they said he was looking for more comics, and Mike, well, he was still a little unsure about.

As you turned out of the JC Penny, Steve threw his head back exasperatedly and sighed, “Christmas shopping is the worst.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, looking over at your boyfriend. “Christmas shopping is one of my favorite parts about Christmas!”

“Well, at least one of us is happy right now,” he sighed, lifting his hand to reopen the severely crumpled gift list. “Do you know what Dustin asked me for Christmas?”

“No,”

“An Atari! Do you know how much those cost?” He said. “I’m working a minimum wage job at an ice cream shop in a mall, and the kid asked me for an Atari for Christmas. I love him, but there’s no way I’m getting him one.”

You laughed as you entered the comic store, looking around the aisles. “His mom can get him an Atari for Christmas. Call her later and ask what she got him, and if she does get him one, you can get him some games to go with it. And if not, I know he’s been looking to update his Spider-Man collection. Problem solved.”

Quickly, Steve pressed an excited kiss to your cheek. “I love you so much. Do you have a quarter? I need to call Dustin’s mom,”

“I love you, too, Steve, but I didn’t mean to call her right now.”

“No,” he refused, holding out his hand expectantly. “I need to call her right now so I can get all of the shopping done today and I won’t have to come back here if I don’t need to.”

Sighing, you pulled a few quarters from the front pocket of your jeans and dropped them into his palm, watching him clutch them tightly and run off, disappearing around the corner of the store entrance, shoes squeaking on the linoleum.

Secret Santa (Drabble)

→  This piece is a part of the Secret Santa event hosted by @bwcsecretsanta and was created for @n8dlesoupguk

→ Rating: PG-13

→ Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

→ WC: 2.4k

→ Genre: secret santa au

→ Summary: When you pick Yoongi’s name for the dreaded secret santa event at work, things didn’t go exactly as you expected them to.

→ Warnings: much fluff, some mild vulgar language (I tried very hard not to use the f word)

AN: Okay, it’s 4am and I don’t have the mental capacity to do tags and the proper set-up into the story so I did the absolute bare minimum until I’m awake and actually able to process what the hell is going on. AS MENTIONED ABOVE, it’s a secret santa piece for my dear @n8dlesoupguk. I’m sorry this piece took so long to get out but I hope you enjoy it, even if it is a little on the drabble side. Thank you for letting me be your secret santa and I hope you had a wonderful holiday season.~ <3 

PS: Sorry I forced you to wait until the last possible moment and thank you for your patience love!

It’s official. You were officially the worst secret santa in the history of secret santas and honestly, even that was giving yourself too much credit. You could barely call yourself a secret santa. The qualifications were somewhat loose, being that all you had to do was fill in a gift card for your own secret santa to receive while you received one from a co-worker. 

If you were honest with yourself, you wouldn’t have even signed up if you didn’t think your manager, Seokjin, wasn’t looking over your shoulder. Sure, he said it was optional, but you were looking forward to a promotion to serving role so that you didn’t have to bus tables anymore. If getting on Jin’s good side meant you had to participate in some cheesy holiday event for work then that’s exactly what you were going to do.

You couldn’t even blame your poor time management skills on your strict manager, since he specifically told every staff member the rules:

Gifts cannot go oer the $30 budget

Gifts must be ready for the exchange on the morning of the 24th

That was easy enough, right? Whoever’s name you pulled, you could’ve gotten away with buying them a candle or maybe some fuzzy socks and a sheet mask. It was supposed to be easy. But instead of ease, panic set in the moment you opened your locker and realized whose secret santa you were.

Min Yoongi.

Out of the twenty-something other employees at the restaurant, you managed to pick THE Min Yoongi. How? You wished you knew. 

Pulling his name from the hat wasn’t horrible because it was him, in fact, if you actually cared about the work festivities, you would’ve jumped for joy and screeched into your pillow the moment you got home. But you didn’t care about the exchange and had no plans to put any thought into a personalized gift for the recipient. Hell, by the time you actually bothered to take a peek at the name was nearly 72 hours before the exchange. That’s exactly why you were at the mall before your shift, less than 24 hours until the gift exchange in front of the other staff, in search for a suitable gift for the cute boy.

No pressure, right?

You tossed out your idea of fuzzy socks and body care products and immediately headed to the mom-and-pop candle store in search of fall-scented candles. There should’ve been more space for additional details because, c’mon, how many fall candles existed? Since it was the day before Christmas Eve, you expected to have plenty of options with fall scents - but not as many as there were.

It was understatement to say that there were plenty of options when the entire store was just one massive cloud of the perfect holiday fragrances, cinnamon and apple wafting right out the doors and flooding your nostrils before you even stepped into the place.

It took a whole hour for you to test all of the scents, a bulk of the time wasted on debating whether or not Yoongi was the Christmas cookie type, or if he’d like Apple Pumpkin or even Holiday Hearth, whatever that was. After the first 10 minutes of sniffing, all the candles started to blend together and smell the same as the one before it, leaving you defeated.

Shortly after leaving, there was a brief moment where you thought about checking out another store for some candles, but considering your nose was fried with all those powerful scents, you didn’t think you could sniff another freaking candle without losing your sense of smell. Perhaps the beanie on his list would’ve been an easier find.

Boy, were you wrong.

After shopping at three different department stores, you came to the conclusion that trying to find a beanie during the peak of the winter season was an even worse idea than the candles. You knew better than to waste time looking for one of the most popular items for the season so you weren’t sure why it was a shock to you when you couldn’t get your hands on one. The last item on his wishlist was sour watermelon gummies and although those sounded like a decent idea for a multi-item gift, there was no way you would give him a $30 bag of candy. 

With slumped shoulders and a pout, you decided to head into Guitar Center with less than a half an hour until the start of your shift. You didn’t know what to look for, only that you needed to find something budget-friendly that Yoongi would definitely take a liking to. The only possible solution was to give him a sad $30 gift card and call it a day, huffing your way across the mall to where the restaurant was located on the other side.

Technically, a gift card to Guitar Center was the perfect gift for Yoongi. There was a level of passion in which Yoongi spoke about his instruments, talking about music as if it were alive. That’s exactly why you couldn’t screw up the gift by getting him a gift card, right? Even if it was $30, that money could’ve gone towards something he wanted to buy in the future and even if it wasn’t much, you were sure he would still love it.

With a little newfound confidence, you strode through the open doorway and greeted your longtime friend, Jeongguk who stood behind the host desk, scribbling onto something you couldn’t see. 

“Hey, Gukie,” you offered a friendly wave, catching his friendly grin and returning it with one of your own.

“Y/N! I can’t believe you came in today,” he said, maneuvering his way around the desk to wrap his arms tightly around your shoulders. “Did you manage to find something good?” He whispered in your ear and you couldn’t help the sigh that pressed through your lips. 

You grumbled, “I got him a gift card?” 

His almond eyes rounded out, widening as if you had another head sprouting from your shoulder. “You totally forgot rule three.”

“Rule three?”

You thought back to Jin giving everyone a mini lecture on what was allowed to be given as a gift, running through rules one and two but ultimately coming to a blank.

Jeongguk brushed his lean fingers through his perfectly styled hair, causing some strands to fall in his face before he ruffled the locks in the back. “Rule number three, no gift cards or restaurant merch.” He deadpanned.

The moment those words left his lips, your mind flashed back to your manager saying those exact words and nearly lost your shit right as Yoongi and one of his best pals, Hoseok, strolled on in. 

“Are you fu-”

“-oh, hey, Y/N.” Yoongi flashed his signature gummy smile, reserved but enough to break some hearts as they stopped right by the two of you.

Your heart sank with the realization that you somehow managed to become an even worse secret santa than you managed before, which honestly would be an achievement for you if it wasn’t for the fact that Min-freaking-Yoongi was going to the one disappointed in you.

“Hey, Yoongi,” you gave a half-hearted wave, trying your best to put on a smile while knowing full-well that it was flat and obviously painful. He passed by after a quick “it’s nice to see you again” and headed to the lockers in the back. 

Jeongguk watched the interaction and kept looking between the two of you as Yoongi walked further away, letting out a short whistle with a shake of his head. 

“You, my friend, are absolutely screwed.”

-----

You didn’t know exactly what you were thinking. A gift card? A freaking gift card? Seriously, how lame is that? People probably wrote poems about their recipient, shopped tirelessly for their favorite things until they were sure they were going to give the best gift a secret santa could give and there you were with a tiny, half-assed gift card that didn’t amount to anything nearly important enough and hoping that would suffice. 

You were disappointed in yourself. Sure, maybe time slipped by a bit too fast and left you with the last possible moment. Perhaps you could have blamed the sudden incline in hours after an excellent food critique brought an even larger crowd, telling him that’s why you didn’t have time to get something - anything - better. But that was just it. You couldn’t tell Yoongi that you didn’t care enough to buy a gift for anyone until you realized it was him. No way.

Feeling badly about the decision to get him a gift card, you managed to find a pair of fuzzy black socks - even though the color he put for his favorite was green but you knew that a majority of his closet was black - and a small, autumn-scented candle that anyone would enjoy with it’s subtle flair. You stuck those in the bag with the gift card, ultimately choosing to give both gifts despite them collectively doubling the budget. 

To say that nerves were getting to you wasn’t even the half of it. Your leg wouldn’t stop bouncing as each person around the circle was called to stand up and find the receiver of their gifts to hand them their early Christmas presents. The closer it got to you, the worse the bounding became, practically jumping up and down with every pull of your leg until you smacked it against your neighbor when they returned to their seat after their exchange.

“Alright, next is Y/N,” Seokjin clapped happily. You wished his positivity would’ve rubbed off on you and given you the strength to look Yoongi in the eye and hand him the monstrosity of a gift that you gave him. 

You pushed yourself up from the chair and and walked over to the other side, knees wobbling and hands growing slick as you neared Yoongi’s seat. With a deep breath, you extended the small bag his way and immediately ducked your head down when he took it, flying back to your seat on the opposite side and avoiding his gaze. 

It felt like hours going through everyone’s secret santa gift and you were too happy when Seokjin didn’t require us to open our presents in front of everyone. Presents were personal, right? Nobody wants to be exposed like that. 

You would’ve dipped on out of there as soon as the gift exchange ended but the nagging guilt forced you to make your way over to where Yoongi and Jeongguk were casually chatting. When you reached them, they both looked up at you with each of their own expressions: Yoongi’s eyes were dark yet curious as to what you wanted whereas Jeongguk knew exactly what was about to go down. 

“I’m actually going to catch Syd before she leaves. I’ll be right back,” he excused himself and made his exit, turning around the moment he was behind Yoongi to give you a supportive thumbs up. 

“Ah, right. I wanted to thank you for your gift, by the way. I really like the candle and I’m kinda digging the fuzzy socks so thanks.” Yoongi flicked his head to the side, pushing his dark hair out of his face as he smiled that heart-melting smile. 

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.” You nibbled on your lip.

How were you supposed to go about this? Was it something you had to sort of dance around and hope he’d understand or something you have to tell straight up? While neither answer seemed desirable, there was nothing more terrifying than the thought of having to say, “I bought you what I was going to buy for anyone else that was my secret santa”. 

“The gifts?” Yoongi raised a brow, no doubt confused with the way you were taking things.

“Yeah,” you puffed out. “Is there any way I could give you something else? I was the worst and I waited to go shopping and the things on your list weren’t available no matter where I looked. I would say I tried but I don’t even feel like I did… I’m so sorry for being so stupid, I can’t believe I actually got you th-”. 

“-I don’t want anything else, though. I already have more than enough.” He stuck his lip out, his cheeks puffing out as if he were a child being rejected for some sweets. 

“I don’t think you understand. I really messed this up and I’m so embarrassed,” you pushed further, lowering your head into your hands with a groan. 

Yoongi was silent, thoughtfully watching you have a meltdown in your seat as he contemplated his next response. “And if I said there was something?” He asked.

“It’s yours.”

In a blink of an eye, Yoongi closed the space between the two of you, lips crashing into yours in a gentle yet exploratory kiss. Fireworks shot off somewhere in the back of your mind as you shut your eyes and grazed his cheek with your thumb. The kiss didn’t last nearly as long as you wanted it to, but it took your breath away regardless. The last of him still lingered on your lips as you opened your eyes, cheeks flushed and eyes wide as you took in the situation.

Min Yoongi just kissed you.

THE Min Yoongi just kissed YOU.

“What was that for?” you murmured under your breath, almost as if you wanted an answer but didn’t even want him to hear the question. 

He hummed, a playful glint in his eye as he gave a shrug. “You said I could have something I wanted in return. That’s what I wanted.”

His words warmed your heart and turned you into a giggling mess, leaving you hiding behind your purse with nothing but your eyes peeking over the top. 

“You’re serious? You’re not serious, no way.” You spoke half to yourself and half to him, still processing the feeling of his soft lips against yours. 

“I’m serious. In fact, if you want to go even further to make it up to me, let me take you to dinner next Friday.” He stuck out a hand between your two bodies, the offer laying right there in front of you while you still couldn’t believe what was happening.

You gripped his hand as quickly as possible and bounced in your seat, beaming with excitement as he matched your enthusiasm. “Yes! I mean,” you coughed. “Absolutely, yes. I’d love to.” You grinned.

Little did you know that being the worst secret santa in history would lead you to give Min Yoongi exactly what he wished for: you.

Your headcanons are perfect! Thank you for your work!♥️ Can you make a Headcanon for all four when they are drunk and MC tries to take them home so they can Rest? I think it would be so funny with a drunk Victor...

Who doesn’t love drunk MLQC boys? And this is my first headcanon with Shaw, so hope I got his character right! I changed the scenario a bit to better fit the boys’ personalities! Hope you don’t mind!

MLQC Headcanon - Overestimated Yourself

Victor

He’s a true connoisseur of fine wines, and actually enjoys small drinks with you

He doesn’t let you drink past 2 glasses (not after what happened on Christmas last year)

“But Victor!”

“No buts. You can take the 2 glasses, or you don’t”

He swiftly ignores your attempt at pinching his nose (he pinches yours, instead)

“Dummy”

Fine. You want some wine? I’ll give you some wine.

You ask the waiter to bring out the bottle with the strongest percentage (he nervously glances at Victor, who seems entirely amused with this situation)

“Ri-right away” (poor guy)

You anxiously watch Victor as he takes a sip of the new wine, your phone out and ready to record his expression

Nothing.

NOTHING

No change in expression whatsoever

It’s official. He’s a monster

He looks at your face, pouty with your lips out, and smirks before taking another sip

A few hours have passed, and he’s still drinking (from the strong bottle, even!)

Your chances of getting him drunk are close to zero, and you sigh in defeat

The waiter comes by with the bill, to which Victor returns with his card

Hmm?

“Victor?” (he looks at you like nothing is wrong, but you and the waiter’s faces beg to differ)

He turns his head to the card he’s holding (it’s his business card)

..........

You can’t help but burst out laughing at this adorable mistake

“Victor, (you’re still recovering from laughing too hard) are you drunk?”

His expression doesn’t seem to change (but that’s in the eyes of normal people)

In your eyes, you can tell that he’s lost his usual composure

He did, after all, drink more than he usually would

You can’t stop smiling even as he hands the waiter the correct card

As the two of you are walking to the car (with a driver, of course, no drunk driving) he puts his hand on your shoulder

You can sense a change in the atmosphere temperature

“I want a new proposal idea on my desk by next week” (your mouth opens wide and you can’t believe what you just heard)

It’s official. He’s a monster

Kiro

As a superstar, he and his team often go on company dinners after a successful promotion

And that includes drinks (he’s usually the one to buy it, because he just likes to)

Kiro’s constantly offered drinks by everyone around the table

He can’t take in alcohol to save his life (one shot, and he’s soon dancing on the table)

So he figured out a way to avoid having to accept any more

“Kiro, let me pour you a glass”

“Oh? I guess it’s my turn cook the meat now!”

“Take this special drink I made. It’s a mix of beer and soju”

“Savin really likes that, so you should give it to him!” (Savin has built up a high tolerance because of this)

But whenever he’s at home with you on a special day, he likes having a few drinks

The only problem is, he gets so clingy when he’s drunk

“MC, I love you so much”

“Can I braid your hair?”

“Hey! Stop getting so close to her!” (he’s fighting with a fork)

“MC, did you know otters hold hands so they don’t drift apart? (he holds your hand and takes it next to his heart) Now we’ll be together forever!”

Why is he so precious?

It’s cute for the first few minutes, but it gets a little tiring after a few hours

“Kiro, how about we play a game?”

“What game?” (his eyes are shining)

“Whoever can fall asleep the fastest wins! But you can’t say anything, or you lose right away!” (....this is what you do with the kids at the orphanage)

He mouths ‘okay’ and immediately lies on the couch with his hands folded together on his stomach

You look at him trying so hard to not open his eyes, and nearly let out a laugh (you’re still playing a game)

Meanwhile, he has his ears perked to catch you talking

After you’re done cleaning up after dinner, you return to the couch and notice Kiro’s arm is dangling off the edge

I guess we have a winner now (you quietly tiptoe to his side, kiss him on the cheek, and grab a blanket to cover him with)

He hasn’t had much sleep in a while, especially with his new song about to come out

At least he’ll be able to drift off for a few hours

“Good night, Kiro”

As you go to the kitchen to finish putting away the plates, he slowly opens his eyes and smiles at the sight of you (you had your back to him, so you would’ve never thought that he was awake)

He closes his eyes once more, happily content with knowing you’re next to him

“Good night, MC”

Lucien

You can never tell when he’s drunk or not

But he definitely can tell when you are (that’s what makes this so frustrating)

It seems he always catches you at your worst moments

Of course, he ensures you that everything you do is adorable (but that’s not the answer you want to hear)

Determined to see his drunk side, you invite him over for a dinner

You emphasize that you’ll prepare the best wine you can offer (at least with your budget)

A couple glasses of wine in, and you’re already starting to lose focus

Lucien doesn’t even change faces as he refills both of your glasses

“Don’t drink too much, MC (you’re giving him a pouty face)”

“Hmmph! Says the person who’s on his 5th glass”

He laughs at your timid remark, adding on to his list of MC’s drinking habits

The first one on the list is you trying to enter Lucien’s home with your own door passcode (he always loves watching you get frustrated through the *door monitor on the wall)

After a few hours have passed, you just decide to give up

He’s never gonna get drunk, who am I kidding?

Your head has cleared up a little (because you stopped accepting his refills)

Lucien, on the other hand, seems too quiet

He’s quiet, but not THIS quiet

It’s been a while since he said anything, so you’re worried (he has mentioned how he’s been feeling a little stressed lately)

“Lucien..?”

You lightly tapped his shoulder, and he responded by meeting his eyes with yours

He still didn’t say anything, but you notice his face is brushed with pink

“....! Lucien? Are you drunk?”

“Haha.....it appears so....” (why is he still so elegant when drunk)

He gets up to help you clear the table, but is a little wobbly on his feet

“Woah, Lucien! (he’s leaning on your shoulders) Why don’t you go home and get some rest?”

You walk him to his apartment (it’s like 10 steps) and as you’re about to turn around to leave, he lightly taps your shoulder

“Lucien?”

“MC? When did you get here?” (is this a habit, too???)

Gavin

Birdcop doesn’t usually drink, because he’ll need to be on alert at all times

“But it’s your resting day tomorrow! You can afford to lay back sometimes” (you’re handing him a beer can, cold from the fridge)

He looks at your enthusiastic expression, quickly decides that he can’t win against you, and sighs in acceptance

He’s just hoping that nothing bad happens during this drinking fest (because he can’t protect you 100% when he’s drunk)

Luckily, the night passes on without much turbulence

Except for that moment when you accidentally knocked over the chair (how does that even happen) while you were walking to get more cans

“Alright, MC (he’s collecting the remainder of beers). Confiscated”

“...! But!”

“No buts. You need to sleep early for work tomorrow”

You grab his to stop him from taking your oasis beers (he jolts a little)

“I already took the day off for tomorrow! So I could spend the entire day with you” (Gavin is being swayed)

In the end, you win (like most times) and your drinking party with Gavin resumes

You can hold your alcohol quite well (due to all the after parties you go to)

But poor Birdcop isn’t (he never tries to build up tolerance, because he doesn’t need to)

He’s out like a night light, and you smile looking at his peaceful face (he deserves a break, more than anyone else)

After you clean up, you snuggle in next to him

Perfectly content with this scenario, you rest your head on his shoulder

Then you hear some mumbling (how cute)

It’s getting late, and he should be heading home now 

But as you get up, he pulls you down towards him (so he’s wrapped around you like a bear)

You try to break free, but he doesn’t train every day for nothing

Instead, you wrap your arms around him the same (falling asleep knowing that you’re protected)

He wakes up in the morning and panics

Shaw

He’s not an alcoholic but he definitely likes drinking

Especially when you’re there to make things interesting for him

He likes watching you act all dumb when you’re drunk (but immediately stands in front of you when you act too chummy with the other customers)

He keeps giving you different types of drinks, just to see how you react

So far, vodka wins by a long shot

He has videos of your drunken self (that he sometimes sends to you whenever you don’t reply to his messages)

But Shaw isn’t the type to get drunk, and both of you know that

So when he called you at 2AM, sounding wasted, it’s no wonder that you were surprised

“Shaw? Do you even know what time it is right now?” (you’re trying to sound annoyed, but holding in your urge to giggle)

“Don’t talk back to me, MC”

In contrast to his cold words, his voice was soft and full of laughter

But a loud crash can be heard over the phone, and thunder booms in the distance

Then, silence

“Shaw? Are you okay?” (no answer)

“Shaw? This isn’t funny!” (at this point, you’re nearly ready to run out that door)

“....alleyway” (the call ends there)

Alleyway.....? Ah, maybe.....

You grab your stuff and quickly go outside, almost out of breath as you run to the alleyway near the neighborhood park (the same one where he first asked you out)

Sure enough he’s there, crouched against the brick wall with his arms in front of him

You walk over to him, forehead beaded with sweat, and say in an exasperated tone

“What the heck, Shaw! Do you know how worried I—”

You’re unable to finish your sentence as you notice the wounds on him

You cup his face to closely look at his cheeks (they’re both covered with marks)

“Who...just who did this to you?”

He doesn’t say anything, and just pulls you closer to him (you catch a whiff of the strong alcohol)

Like always, he doesn’t tell you much (and you know better than to prod at a painful spot)

You just let out a sigh, and gently pat the back of his head (he always relaxes when you do that)

“Tell me everything when you’re ready. I’ll wait for you”

He doesn’t say anything, but his tighter embrace gives you reassurance

(The next day he completely forgets what happened and laughs at you for trying to make things up)

This guy....

*this is what I was imagining when I said the screen on the wall for Lucien’s part

Yeah I don’t know why Shaw’s got so dark (it’s probably because I was replaying the latest chapters)

december 23 - ricky horror

title: one in seven

++++

its official where i live! marry christmas and happy holidays to yall. i hope you all have a great day and enjoy the last couple fics of the year! thanks again for reading and sharing, i love you all and wish you all the best in 2021.

prompt: Notes and gifts from a "secret Santa" take a strange turn

request from: n/a

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @joeynihil @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @thisplace-ishaunted @xyours-eternallyx

++++

one week. thats all that was left. five days till christmas day and i was all but turned off by the idea of gifts and celebration and parties and everything else that came with the holiday. i think my secret santa knew that though, whoever it was. dont get me wrong, i didnt mind being on the road for christmas, i didnt like the day, and i didnt have family to spend time with so it didnt really matter. but little did i know at the beginning of this that everyday i would wake up to something weirder in my stocking. and not even in a bad way, cause the two things id received already were super awesome.

and yes, it was the guys idea to put stockings up and do secret santa. that way we each got something small the seven days before christmas and the day of we would ultimately find out who our gift giver was over dinner as they gave us one final larger present. and dont get me wrong, i was an excellent gift giver, already two days in and vinny had loved the two things i had secretly slipped into his stocking but i was getting more impatient. i wanted to know who was getting me things only a few people knew i wanted. and ultimately i wanted vinny to know who was giving him his gifts.

when i got up today i wasnt exactly sure what i was going to be pulling out of the stocking hanging outside my bunk. the first day i had gotten a skeleton hand mug, the second day i had gotten a bag of death wish coffee, and i really just wanted to know if the theme would continue. maybe this person was trying to tell me something. i laid in my bunk as my alarm went off, silencing it almost immediately since i was awake already, just staring at the ceiling. i tossed the blanket off and slid out of my bunk slowly, looking up at chris as he leaned back into the opposing one, sipping out of his Starbucks cup from yesterday.

"morning."

i said and he held his cup to me in cheers.

"morning."

he said groggily.

"you check your stocking yet?"

i asked and he nodded.

"yep, todays was a voodoo donut and a starbucks giftcard."

he said with a smile and i laughed.

"guess you get it twice a year now huh."

i said and he nodded contently,

"whats in yours?"

he asked and i turned around, my eyes going wide at how thick it looked. i drew my brows and reached my arm into it. i felt something soft graze my hand before pulling it out.

"awe, its so cute."

i said as i pulled the plush bat out, taking the black silk eye mask off of it and petting its head. i showed it to chris.

"either my secret Santa thinks i sleep too much or not enough."

i said with a laugh, putting the eye mask into my bag next to the coffee and mug. chris laughed a little bit as ricky slid his curtain over from behind him.

"what you guys talking about?"

he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"y/n's concerned with the gifts from her secret santa."

chris answered and rick raised a brow.

"how come?"

he asked and i shrugged, hugging the bat to my chest.

"ive gotten two things of coffee so far and two things to sleep with. im getting mixed signals to say the least."

i said with a laugh and he nodded, jumping down from his bunk with a thud.

"maybe they think you needed something to help you keep up the good work, and something to help you relax. you do work harder than all of us combined."

he mentioned, making me smile.

"thanks rick, i guess ill just have to wait another few days and ask when i find out who it is."

i said and he nodded.

"guess so."

---

"okay, this is getting more and more confusing."

i said, unwrapping the fuzzy blanket, holding it out to look at what was on it. the whole thing was solid black with alchemy symbols, pentagrams, crystal balls, and the likeness on it in bright pastel pinks and purples. it was really cute and matched the bat perfectly. all this stuff just had me wondering what i could be getting at dinner. i knew this blanket wasnt cheap, it had a black craft tag on it after all.

"whats confusing?"

vinny asked, holding the new bulls jersey in his hand.

"the theme of these is a little skewed to say the least."

i said and he shrugged.

"that looks comfy."

he said, running his hand over the side of it and i nodded.

"what else have you gotten?"

he asked and i sighed.

"coffee, a mug, a plush bat, a sleep mask, pastel bath bombs, a coffee and honey face scrub mask, fuzzy black and pink socks, and now this blanket. its like a care package."

i said and he shrugged.

"guess youll just have to find out at dinner, which we should probably get ready for."

---

as we all sat around the table i watched intently as we went down the line, each person giving their last gifts.  justin had chris, chris had ryan, ryan had aj, aj had justin, i had vin, vin had rick, and finally rick had me. as he got up he reached for a large box and my eyes went wide.

"okay y/n i know all week youve been trying to figure out what the hell this all could be leading up to but i asked all of the guys if we could pitch in on something so its not just from me."

i drew my brows.

"we all know you work ten times harder than the rest of us so we all wanted to do something special for you."

he said, setting the box down in front of me on the table.

"you guys didnt have to do that. you guys put so much into the band, im nothing special."

i said and he sent me a disapproving look.

"but you are, without you none of this would work. so as a thank you from all of us..."

he said, pointing to the box and i moved slowly to open it, all of them watching me intently. i ripped the paper off first, then going in to rip the tape off it and popping the sides open one at a time. when i pulled the tissue paper out of the way i drew my brows. in it was a large wooden box.

"okay?"

i asked, pulling it out and setting it on the table in place of the carboard box.

"open it."

chris said from across the table and i pushed the gold tab up, lifting the lid. as soon as i saw what was in it my mouth dropped. i wanted to inspect it more but my vision was going blurry at the tears behind my eyes.

"you guys."

i said, closing it and standing up to give rick a hug.

"so i take it you like it?"

he asked and i nodded against him, pulling away and wiping the tears off my face.

"its beautiful."

i said, opening the box back up and looking over the kit of art supplies. there was everything i could ever ask for in here: a water color palette, gouache, oil pastels, soft pastels, colored pencils, drawing pencils, two sketch pads, brushes, the whole nine yards.

"we wanted to get you something that you enjoy and that relaxes you. this whole week ive been building up stuff that could make you comfortable during or after a long work day: comfy stuff to sleep with, coffee when youre running around making sure we're all in line, spa stuff to help you chill at home. they all helped with this idea but we thought it could be something to get you out of the real world when youve had enough. and now youll think of all of us when you use it."

he said with a wide smile and i couldn't help crying again.

"you guys take such good care of me."

i said through a sniffle as vin leaned over and hugged me, then Justin leaned in and did the same, pretty soon all of them were standing around me in big a group hug.

"we love you y/n, we wouldnt get anything done without you and we're so glad to call you a team member and most importantly a friend."

rick said, as they all stood back up and went back to their seats.

"thank you guys, for everything. and thank you especially for making this a special christmas, the most special christmas ive ever had."

he squeezed my shoulder gently.

"youre part of the family now y/n, and we wouldnt want it any other way."

love in every sip (1.9k) read on ao3 for the “coffee” square on my @tonystarkbingo flash card

Tony startled himself awake when he made a move to get into a more comfortable position on the tiny couch that was clearly not meant for sleeping on, which he certainly had a difficult time learning over the course of the years that the tiny couch had found its way to Tony’s workshop (with some help from Pepper, probably). He wasn’t sure whether he woke up in the millisecond that he was hovering in the air between the ridiculous couch and the ground or when he facepalmed into the floor, but awake he definitely was. 

“Ow, shit.” He groaned, looking up vengefully at the stupid sofa. “J, as soon as you can, place an order for the biggest, comfiest couch you can find on the internet, thanks!” He gritted out through his teeth, hoping that the tiny couch felt insecure and unlovable. 

“Right away, Sir.” 

He looked up at the StarkPad displaying the time that he had perched on top of his coffee-table as a make-shift digital clock (whoever said he wasn’t one for interior design?). It was 9am, anyway, so he might as well be getting up now. That is if he was pretending to be a healthy functioning human being that didn’t spend the last 72 hours in his workshop and fell asleep 3 hours ago on this stupid, unlovable couch. 

He made his way to the main kitchen, waving sleepily at the team that was lively bickering in the breakfast nook. Oh right, that’s what they looked like, other people. He thought it would be a good idea to brush his teeth before any silverware made contact with the inside of his mouth lest it immediately corroding. 

After spending way too long sitting on the toilet because his body seemed to enjoy falling asleep in the most uncomfortable of places, he finally made his way back to the now-empty kitchen, where on the counter he found a steaming coffee in the Iron Man mug from the Avengers mugs set that Clint thought was the perfect $15 Christmas gift for the people that literally risked their lives by his side on day-by-day bases. Tony frowned, walking over to the island, unsure whether he blanked out and made coffee in the short interval of semi-wakefulness between sleeping in odd places. He spotted a napkin next to the mug, where a neat cursive looked back at him.

“Good morning, Tony. Please stop pulling all-nighters for three days straight,”  it said. 

Huh? Tony really only had the energy to ponder about when, by whom, and why the note was written and the coffee made for a total of ten seconds before his sleep and caffeine-deprived mind short-circuited and he gave in to the inviting aroma of the drink. And, well, whoever his barista in shining armor was unquestionably knew just how strong and sweet Tony liked his coffee (that being, real strong and real sweet). 

☕.

He really didn’t expect it to become an ongoing thing. He didn’t expect that the next morning, upon walking into the kitchen (from his bedroom this time, thank fuck ) he would be met with the same Iron Man mug on the counter with another napkin neatly placed next to it, its edge tucked under the mug as if to make sure that the soft blow of air from the air conditioning wouldn’t blow it away, care written all over the scene. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Glad you actually got some shuteye tonight, finally. Hope you have a good day.” 

Tony read the note over a few times, twice in his head, and once under his breath, with a small smile that he didn’t notice was there until Steve, who was apparently in the pantry, called attention to it. 

“Cheery this morning, huh?” 

“Oh, uh,” Tony looked up from the napkin in his hand, trying to hold back the smile, “You tripped and fell in my dream, still laughing at it.” He lied, protectively wrapping his hands around the warm Iron Man mug. 

Steve chuckled in response, putting down the box of Lucky Charms and reaching above the sink to grab himself a bowl.

“You want some cereal?” He asked, putting down a bowl in front of Tony without waiting for a response. 

“So courteous of you, Cap,” Tony started filling his bowl with milk while Steve was pouring cereal into his, “And they say chivalry is dead.” 

Steve made a face at him, probably about to give a schpiel about why would you pour the milk first, Tony? 

“Why would you pour the milk first, Tony?” He said, handing Tony the Lucky Charms and taking the milk from his hands. 

“Because I’m a certified genius, that’s why.” Tony winked, taking a sip from his coffee. Shit, so perfect again. “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to see who made this coffee, would you?” He asked tentatively, filling his bowl with cereal. 

“Didn’t you make it?” Steve canted his head in confusion and brought the spoon to his lips. 

“No, actually, I didn’t,” Tony took another sip of his coffee, “I wonder who did, though.” This time, as he looked down at the dyed marshmallows in his milk, he failed to notice both the involuntary smile he pressed into the rim of his Iron Man mug and the one Steve stifled around a mouthful of his cereal.

☕️.

The random coffee offerings in a particular Iron Man mug and a neat cursive turned regular from then on, and it was starting to become clear that his barista in shining armor was really more of a secret admirer expressing their affections through coffee beans. 

The mugs waited for him at the counter almost every morning, the team off at a mission, the team just sitting down for breakfast, the team finishing up breakfast. The mugs were on a coaster on his desk when he fell asleep at it while working on a new design, while fixing an old design, while ignoring emails from some super important government officials. The mugs, for fucks sake, were sat on an old paperback next to the tiny couch that Tony continued to fall asleep on, even after the biggest, comfiest couch on the internet arrived. 

“Good morning, hope you slept well. You look adorable with bedhead.” 

“Heard you walking around late last night, I wish I could drive off all your nightmares with a broom.”

“Stop falling asleep at your desk, idiot, your neck will get stuck like that.” 

“That couch looks like it’s not meant for sleeping on.” 

Tony found himself growing more and more fond at every note, every word, every sip. He didn’t think that it was possible for him to look forward to his daily dose of caffeine more than he already did, but this new routine indisputably made him jittery with excitement every morning. 

He started to watch the team closely, in an attempt to figure out their tells. Who saw me this morning with my bedhead? Who likes to broom? Who doesn’t like tiny uncomfortable couches?

But, alas, none of the notes had been specific enough to pinpoint someone or even narrow down the list, and Jarvis was refusing to give him any information on the grounds of some “No Stalking Protocol, Sir” bullshit. 

That was, of course, until the afternoon that Nick Fury, somehow Tony’s saving grace in this mystery, called him up to his office. Tony plopped down on the chair in front of the desk, crossing his leg and taking a sip of his smoothie. 

“You should really try this place from down the block someday, I hear they grow all their shit themselves.” He took another sip, the little to no remnants on the bottom of the cup loudly coming up the straw. “Ugh, to die for!” 

“I’ll keep it in mind.” Nick rolled his eye, and Tony wondered whether The Nick Fury Eyeroll pre tragic eye loss accident was more or less puissant. “I need you to look over this report that Rogers submitted and discuss with the team whether or not every update that you insist on installing in their suits has really been necessary.” Nick handed him a transparent folder and Tony cringed at both the utmost ludicrous implication that advancement is not always necessary and at the prospect of paperwork. “It seems to me like on this particular mission they were more of a disruption rather than advantage.” 

Tony flipped open the file and looked up at Nick through his eyelashes, taking one final loud sip of his Blueberry Mist smoothie. 

“I’m sorry, did you just allude to that progress is not an essential part of human existence? My goodness, I did not know you to be such a conservative, Nick!” He clapped a hand over his heart, prompting another eyeroll. The eye patch, Tony thought, definitely made it more effective. 

“Stop bullshitting me and just look over the report, Stark.” Tony chuckled and looked down at the paper, a neat cursive looking back at him. 

“Uh,” He cleared his throat, flipping through the pages and staring at the way the letters braided into each other, just like on the napkins Tony read sweet nothings form every morning. He looked up at the top of the paper, where next to the printed “Name” it read in pretty, oh-so-pretty cursive, “Captain Steven Rogers.”

☕.

Steve woke up from a dull migraine that he had been nursing for the past week or so. He sighed, taking a large sip of the lukewarm water from the bottle he had discarded in his room a few days ago. Everyone was always talking about how important drinking water is nowadays, but Steve was never really a fan of health schticks anyway. As he made his way to the kitchen, he asked his own brain not for the first time this week why it wasn’t healed by the oh-so-magical properties of the oh-so-magical serum. A look at the digital clock in the elevator told him it was 7am on a Sunday, and he tried to remember what time it was last night when Tony excused himself to his bedroom from movie night, claiming that he was too exhausted for thrillers that evening. 

Stepping into the kitchen, however, he was met with a sleepy Tony in an oversized gray Led Zepellin hoodie and plaid pajama pants, sitting Indian Style in the breakfast nook with an Iron Man mug in his hands, taking small sips from it and the smell of coffee traveling from the coffeemaker on the kitchen counter to Steve. 

Oh. He felt the pang of disappointment in his chest at the realization that Tony woke up earlier than him. This week really didn’t like Steve much, did it? 

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Tony broke the silence and Steve felt some of the disappointment dissipating at the raspy sleep-deprived timbre of Tony’s voice, “I made coffee,” he nodded over to the island that Steve was standing in front of, “I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Why would I ―” Steve cut himself off when his eyes landed on the Captain America mug from the Avengers mugs set that Clint thought was the perfect $15 Christmas gift for the people that literally risked their lives by his side on day-by-day bases. Steve felt his heart skip a beat and he held his breath as he reached out and pulled the mug towards him. Under it, of course, there was a napkin with a blocky print scribbled over it. 

“You’re not as slick as you think you are, Mr. Rogers.

Busy tonight?” 

Sexiled (Part 23/23) ~ Steve Rogers x Reader ~ College!AU

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Happy Friday! I hope you all had a good week and are staying safe and healthy. This is it. The last part of this story. It’s been a joy writing and sharing with you. I hope you enjoy this final part. A big shout out to @captainscanadian​ for listening to all of my rambles as I tried to finish this fic. Love you! 

Summary: You and Steve finally go on your first date! 

Characters/Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Brief -  Bucky, Wanda, Sam, Tony

Rating: T 

Warnings: Language, some mild suggestiveness maybe,

Word Count: 2492

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

After keeping you thoroughly focused on him and making up for the lack of quality time over the past few weeks, Steve finally dragged himself out of your bed around six, which left you with just an hour to get ready for your date.

Relief over being done with the semester and the excitement of going public with Steve had you giddy. You turned on your favorite feel good playlist and danced around as you got dressed and did your hair and makeup.

You grinned at your reflection as you made sure your lipstick was perfect. Doing a quick turn in the long mirror, you adjusted the bright blue lace sleeves of your dress so they were even just below your elbows. And you made sure that your skirt was fluffed properly, falling just above your knees. You’d even opted for your favorite black heeled booties that had bows on the back. While they weren’t your trusty converse, they were the most comfortable fancy shoes you owned, and you were more than willing to put up with any minor discomfort to complete the look.  

At seven o’clock on the dot, Steve knocked on your door, and you raced to open it.

Steve’s eyes went wide as he took you in.

“Wow,” he breathed. “You are stunning, sweetness.”

“Not so bad yourself.”

In truth Steve looked amazing. Black suit and a dark blue button up. He’d forgone a tie and you momentarily lamented the fact you couldn’t yank him down by it, but his lapels would have to do.

“Whatcha hiding there?” you asked peering around him when you noticed that he had his hands behind his back.

“Oh,” he produced a bouquet of red roses from behind his back. “These are for you.”

“They’re beautiful. Thank you,” you pecked him on the cheek

He went to kiss you properly, but you’d already ducked out of his arms to find something to put the flowers in.

“Tall and narrow,” you muttered to yourself, eyeing the container you kept your sharpies in.

“What? No kiss?” he pouted.

“Steven Grant Rogers, expecting a kiss before you even take me out to dinner. I am appalled. What would your mother say?

You dumped out the markers and filled it halfway from your water bottle and dropped the flowers in before turning to him with a faux shocked look.

Steve quirked an eyebrow, but you held his challenge. You were about to give up the game when he spoke.

“You’re right, sweetness. Ma would kill me. It’s probably for the best anyway. Wouldn’t want to mess up that pretty lipstick before we get to dinner.”

You shivered slightly at the implication, making him smirk and you couldn’t hold his gaze.

The charged moment quickly passed, and he cupped your chin to lift it. You saw that his smirk softened into a genuine smile.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered brushing his fingers along your cheek.

““You’re not so bad yourself, handsome.”

“Are you ready to go? I haven’t stopped thinking about this since you said yes.”

“Me neither. I’ve been looking forward to it all week.”  

Steve helped you on with your coat, and once you had double checked your purse, offered you his arm. If you hadn’t been wearing heels you probably would have skipped along next to him.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”

You both froze when Tony’s voice drifted lazily out of the common room.

“Should we make a run for it?” Steve whispered.

You glanced down at your heels in answer.

“I’ll carry you,” he laughed.

“You know we can hear you right?”

Tony and Bucky were now grinning at you from the doorway and you decided it was best to humor him. You reluctantly backtracked a few steps. Bucky opened his arms for a hug, which you happily gave him.

“Hey, doll. Sorry about sexiling ya last night.”

“It’s okay, Buck. I’ll just bill you for the chiropractor.”

He rolled his eyes and went to ruffle your hair but your glare warned him off.

Wanda snickered before cooing at you from her seat on Sam’s lap.

“Aww you both look nice.”  

“Thanks, Wan.”

“Where are you two off to?” Sam asked as Bucky plopped down on one of the chairs, swinging his legs over the side.

“Just going out to celebrate the end of the semester,” Steve shrugged.

“And you didn’t invite us,” Tony shook his head.

“Well, we’d love to stay and chat…”

“But we’ve got a reservation. So we’ll see you later,” You finished for Steve.

“Wait are you coming to brunch tomorrow?” Sam yelled.

“Yes!” you agreed poking your head back in the room.

Steve led you towards the elevator laughing silently at the not quiet comments your friends were making.

“Is it just me or did they actually get their heads out of their asses?” Sam asked.

“Nah, Nat said they’re still being dumb,” Tony argued.

“Tonight sounds pretty romantic,” Wanda countered.

“It does,” Bucky agreed.

“Are you two still standing by your bets? There’s still time to change them,” Tony comment.

“Absolutely,” Wanda said with confidence.

“I’m good as I am,” Bucky announced.

“It’s your cash.”

“We get a cut when Bucky wins right?” you giggled as the elevator shut.

“Oh definitely,” Steve nodded.

The T was crowded with everyone out celebrating the holidays, so Steve held onto the pole while you held onto him. He would kiss you on the forehead randomly and you’d kiss him on the cheek.  And he held you tighter when you wobbled in your heels.

It was only a five minute walk from the T to the restaurant in the North End Steve had picked out, and you happily walked hand in hand, ignoring the cold. But you were early for your reservation and had to wait outside. Steve quickly pulled you close, letting you steal his body heat.

“Sorry, sweetness.”

“Don’t be. I really don’t mind snuggling with my boyfriend for warmth.”

He grinned down at you, somehow tugging you even closer.

It was only a few minutes until the hostess called Steve’s name and led you to a table in the corner. You could feel the heat from the wood stove, and it helped take the chill off.

“This place is so cute,” you gushed once the waitress had taken your drink orders.

“I thought you’d like it.”

“How’d you find it?”

“Well I had made a list. But Bucky recommended this one when he found me staring at an excel sheet,” he admitted with a chuckle.

“You made an excel sheet of restaurants in the North End?”

Steve went pink to the tips of his ears.

“Well… I technically made one for all of the restaurants in Boston that I thought you’d like.”

“Was it color coded?” you grinned.

He pointedly read his menu.

“Oh my god it is, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” he sighed, looking at you. “Among other organizational systems.”

“If I wasn’t already in love with you, I would be now.”

He chuckled and shook his head, but his smile was bright, blue eyes sparkling.

“That’s because you’re a nerd.”

“And proud of it,” you assured him, raising your nose into the air. “I have it on good authority that nerds are cool now.”

“Well whoever told you that definitely has a crush on you.”

You tilted your head curiously.

“You think Tony has a crush on me?”

This time Steve laughed outright.

“You are ridiculous. And I love you.”

“I love you too.” You squeezed his hand, holding on to it as you perused the menu. “I do hope you kept the excel though. It’ll make picking date night spots for the next three years a lot easier.”

“Three years,” he repeated softly, goofy grin crossing his face.

“For starters,” you added.

His grin only got wider. 

Dinner was delicious - filled with stolen bites and giggles. After a quick stop into Mike’s Pastry to get treats for brunch the next morning, you walked to Faneuil Hall arm threaded through Steve’s and your hand resting on his bicep. You popped into a few stores, finishing up some Christmas shopping.

“So are you still full from dinner or are you ready for something sweet?” Steve asked as you were leaving the candle store.

“I’m always ready for something sweet. What did you have in mind?”

“Ghirardelli is open. We could get some hot chocolate before we keep walking around?”

“Perfect.”

Warm from the hot chocolate, Steve led you towards the far end of the marketplace, checking his watch.

“Are we heading home now?” You couldn’t hide your disappointment.

“Not yet. Come on let’s sit for a few minutes.”

You eyed the cold wood warily, but Steve sat on the bench, patting his leg for you to sit in his lap.  

“Are you ready?” he whispered once you were settled.  

“For what?”

He tilted his head towards the rest of the marketplace.

“Watch.”

Moments later the lights that lined the tress began flashing in time with the music now playing over the speakers. You watched in wonder at the beautiful display, Steve’s arms wrapped around your waist. It was magical.

“Tonight was perfect,” you murmured as you walked back to your room.

“I’m glad, sweetness.”

Steve stopped you outside your door.  You tilted your head, confused.

When he kissed you on the cheek, whispering, “I had a really good time tonight. I hope we can do it again soon.” You realized what he was getting at, and stifled a laugh.

“Me too. In fact, I don’t know that I’m ready for the night to end,” you flirted. “Why don’t you come in for a little while?”

“I don’t think it would be proper, Y/n. It’s only our first date.”

You pouted and shrugged, “That’s too bad. Have a good night, Steve. Thanks for a great date.”

You pecked him on the cheek before sauntering into your room, closing the door behind you.

You giggled and waited ten seconds before opening the door to a grinning Steve who was leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

“Date officially over?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Good. Get in here.”

He crossed the little hallway with a step and half and you in his arms in an instant.

“That was fun,” he chuckled as he twirled you into the room, kicking the door shut.

“Yes, it was.” You kissed him once. Twice. Three times, as you gazed up at him. “Thank you for making tonight so special.”

“You’re welcome, sweetness. You deserve to feel special. I’m so glad we get to do these things now.”

“Me too. Speaking of which, I think it’s time for that post.”  

“Do you know which pictures you want to use?”

“Mhmm,” you used his shoulder to balance as you slid off your heels, groaning in relief.

You sat on the bed and after shrugging out of his suit jacket and rolling up his sleeves (which wasn’t distracting at all) Steve pulled your feet into his lap and started massaging while you made the post.

First you added a selfie the two of you took that afternoon while you’d stuffed your faces. Frankly, you looked like gremlins in it but you loved it. The second photo was Steve kissing your temple as you smiled serenely in front of the Christmas tree. And the third was you and Steve kissing in Times Square, taken by Becca during Thanksgiving.

You quickly added the caption.

Three versions of celebrations.

1.       The end of finals

2.       Our First Date/2 Months (Yes both can be true)

3.       1 month of dating (PC: @BeccaBarnes) (Did I mention I loved NYC?)

Which is your favorite? @SteveRogers Happy two months, handsome! I love you.

When you were happy with the pictures and the caption you showed it to Steve who grinned and kissed you.

“Perfect.”

You hit post and squeaked in excitement. “It’s done.”

“How long do you think it will take for them to see it?”

“Four minutes?” you guessed, though that was probably an overestimation.

“Probably. Well, I have something for you in the meantime.”

You couldn’t help but perk up.  

“Really? I actually have something for you too.”

You reached into your top desk drawer and produced the neatly wrapped package while Steve retrieved his jacket and pulled something out of the breast pocket.

“Happy two months, sweetness.”

“Happy two months, Steve. You go first,” you encouraged bouncing on your knees.  

Steve happily tore off the paper, before looking to you wide-eyed. You hoped that was a good sign.  

“This is too much. You shouldn’t have.”

He ran his fingers over the gold lettering of his name embossed on the dark blue moleskin journal.

“I wanted you to have something a little bit special, and I know you mostly have bigger sketchpads, so I thought it would be nice for you to have something to carry around.”

“It’s perfect. And it’s a lot special. Thank you,” He kissed you tenderly. “Now open yours.”

“Okay.”

You carefully undid the paper and lifted the lid of the lavender box. Inside lay a silver ID bracelet that was engraved on both sides.

“I love you,” you read aloud as you examined it before you turned it over.

“More than yesterday and less than tomorrow,” Steve recited with you.

You couldn’t hold back the tears.

“Oh, Steve.” You shot forward, throwing your arms around him. “It’s so beautiful. And perfect.”

“Just a little something for the days when I’m not beside you to remind you.”

“I’m never going to take it off. I love you so much,” you sniffled.

“I love you too, sweetness.”

Leaning back on your heels, you held out the bracelet to him so he could clasp it. He pressed a kiss to your pulse point before began to trace his way up your arm.

However, violent vibrations drew your attention from each other.  

“I think they saw the post,” he chuckled.

“I think so. Should we face the music?” you asked as you retrieved your phone.

He plucked the device out of your hand and silenced it. After doing the same with his own, he placed them both on the desk.

“They can wait. I have much more important things to attend to.”

Steve reached out to cradle your cheeks, keeping you still as he leaned up to kiss you. He hesitated for just a hair’s breadth away from your lips. For a moment you thought he was going to ask if he could kiss you, like he did that night in October. But before you could say anything his lips met yours, and you melted into the kiss. The wash of contentment that rushed over you was similar but somehow even deeper than the first kiss you’d shared. You were certain it was because you loved each other more than you did then. And the thought of how much love you would feel in your future kisses had you smiling against Steve’s lips.

A/N: So that’s it for this story! I have loved writing for them and I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading this story. Thank you so much for all of your support and patience. It means the world to me. On to the next project! 

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Just Another Normal Story (HS) - PT 1

I yanked on dark denim skinnies. Then pulled on an oversized, ugly, reindeer sweater. Tonight’s the Lowry family, white elephant Christmas. Since there were more than twenty of us, this was how we did it. 

“Nichole! People are arriving! Are you almost ready?” My mom called up the stairs. 

“Yeah!” I replied and walked out of my bedroom to look over the railing so she could see me. Then I went into the bathroom to brush out my silver, mid-length, wet hair and I did little makeup; it was just my family.  

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was immediately pulled into hugs. 

“How’s our little Nikki?” uncle Jeffy gushed. 

I laughed. “I’m doing alright. Got some of my own novels in the works. Started my new freelance editing work too.”

“Heard that’s not super stable,” someone commented. 

I turned around and rolled my eyes. “Writing is a career, Daren, and I’m quite good at it.”

His blue eyes laughed, but his lips pressed in a firm line. “Money will be tight.” 

“I know that.” I huffed. “Everyone keeps telling me that. Leo and my friend Sonnie are the only ones that haven’t. They trust my choices.”

“I think writing is a great career,” a deep, soothing voice stated. One that was completely unfamiliar, and British.

“Says the one who’s making music,” Daren, a great friend of our family, remarked and turned around to look at whoever it was. 

I peeked around his shoulder to see a guy the same height as him. He was obviously closer in age to me. His green eyes caused me to catch my breath. Holy fuck. He was attractive. I felt my cheeks burn at the realization that I am, in fact, wearing an ugly sweater. And my hair was still becoming an unruly mess as it continued to dry. I tried to not make my fingers running through my hair too obvious. 

Though, I felt better when I noticed he was wearing a somewhat ugly sweater as well. Green to match his eyes with grey snowflakes aligning across the chest. His hair was a little messy. Curls that looked the color of melted dark chocolate. His features were strong. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. 

His eyes met with mine and I couldn’t stop myself from changing my sight to Daren. I think my hands were shaking; I managed to fold them together to help stop my nerves. This always happened when anyone I found attractive remotely looked in my direction. 

“Nichole, this is my second cousin Harry Styles,” Daren introduced. “Harry, this is Mark’s daughter, Nichole Lowry. I feel like I’ve done my part.” A sneaky grin placed on his lips as he walked away and into the kitchen where everyone else had congregated to talk and eat. 

“Hi,” I breathed, my cheeks still burned. 

He had his fairly large hands in front of him, folded, and a cute smile crossed his lips. “Hi... So, you’re an author?” 

I nodded. “Yeah, sort of. I copy-edit for others right now.” 

“What do you write?” he asked, seeming naturally interested. 

An easy, big smile now replaced the nervous line I had moments ago. “Novels. All mostly YA mysteries and supernatural. I’ll basically write anything though.” 

A devious smirk replaced his smile. “Do you write, like, smut and stuff?”

I wasn’t going to question why he knew something like that. There were multiple reasons, but it wasn’t my business. 

I cleared my throat with a fake laugh. “You think you’re funny. Yes, sometimes, I do… What about you? You write music, right?” I was hoping to change the subject off of me. I’m not one to talk about myself. 

He brought a hand through his hair. I could almost guarantee that he had a popping bicep underneath that bulky sweater. He looked like a fantastic hugger by his stature and demeanor. I’d love to be wrapped up in them. I averted my eyes back to his to avoid any further (dirtier) thoughts. 

“I do. The lads and I are trying to make something of ourselves. Our working name is One Direction.” 

“I’m sure you’re great! What’s your main genre?” 

“Pop. A little mix of pop rock.” 

I slowly nodded. “Nice, my kinda thing. Maybe I could hear a song or two some time?”

His face brightened up like a little kid’s on Christmas morning. “Yeah, of course, love.”

My heart fluttered at the word ‘love’. I bet it was something that he used a lot on the daily considering he was british, but it was just so soft and sweet. I couldn’t help the butterflies that filled my internal organs.

I noticed the mass of my family coming out of the kitchen and gestured to them. “Later then… I think we’re starting soon.”

“Okay. I won’t forget.” 

I laughed. “Same. I’m gonna get a drink. Want anything?” I walked past him and headed towards the kitchen. For some reason, I just knew he’d follow. 

I grabbed a wine glass from the kitchen and poured some of the rose wine my mom had already opened. 

“I don’t know,” he replied. 

I raised a brow. “How do you not know? Either you’re thirsty or not.” It came out a little more snappy than I had intended and I shot him a sheepish look. “Sorry. Are you thirsty? We have water. I know a couple beers in the fridge. Rose wine. A bottle of white somewhere. Uhm… We also have some sparkling juice I believe.” 

He chuckled. It sent shivers down my spine. He rubbed his chin and it was now I noticed the rings he wore. God, those made the thoughts I was trying to suppress worse; I’ve only just met the guy, I needed to chill. But the fact he wanted to keep talking to me… Why?

“I think… I think I’ll have the rose.”

“You got it.” I reached back up in the cabinet on the middle shelf for another wine glass. The last one happened to be in the way back and I was having a hard time reaching. I felt something hard against my back and a hand lightly brushed mine before taking the glass. My face heated up furiously now at how close we were. 

I turned around and looked up into his intense eyes. I couldn’t help glancing at his luscious lips then back into his eyes. I noted he did the same. 

“Here you go,” he whispered, his voice a bit raspy, and handed the wine glass to me.

“Are you two coming?” Daren called. 

I groaned internally. “Yeah, Schumaker, we are.” 

Harry chuckled again. “He is quite annoying.” 

“You are right on that one,” I remarked and poured his wine. I corked the bottle before I picked up mine. “Ready for some fun?” 

He took a sip of his and tasted it thoughtfully, his eyebrows furrowing, “Yeah. How is it done?”  

I smiled and went on to explain it. We all got a number out of a hat or bowl and went in that order. There would be a couple rounds of the starter gifts, and then once round of the large gift. Items were locked down after the round was officially over. Families sort of became smaller teams when it came to getting certain items; we had the rule that items could be stolen up to three times before it was locked.

He tapped his chin. “Okay… I think I have it. Are we on a team?” 

That caught me by surprise. Usually, it was my two brothers, my mom, my dad, and I who are a team. When Daren came last year for his first Lowry christmas though, he just joined our team. 

“Yeah, sure. Our team also includes my two brothers Leo and John, mom, dad, Daren, and I,” I stated, pointing them out from where we sat on the carpet. My parents had a thing for naming us kids after famous actors. Leo was named after Leonardo DeCaprio, John after Johnny Depp, and I was after Nicholas Cage. They thought I was going to be a boy, thus they only changed a couple letters and still got their way.

“Okay… Uhm, not sure what to take so just tell me.” 

He was so freaking cute. He was both cute and sexy, he was basically a nuclear weapon. 

I giggled.“It’s not rocket science. Take whatever. Don’t be afraid to steal, we’re all friendly here.” 

He licked his lips. “You do know stealing is wrong?” 

“Not here. It’s all part of the fun. Seriously, don’t worry about it.” 

“Okay. Am I supposed to tell you what number I am?” 

I shrugged. “You can. Everyone will know eventually.” 

“Number twenty two.” 

“Hey!” I exclaimed, lightly whacking his arm. “I’m number twenty one, and you’re the last one. We can tag team.”

“Alright, everyone knows their number and is ready?” my aunt Dianna asked, who sat over by the massive pile of starter gifts. She always went overboard every year; she thrift shops a lot. 

“Yeah,” everyone chimed in on their own account. 

“Okay, let’s get this started!” She clapped her hands. 

***

I shook my right leg nervously. We were in the large gifts now; the final round of the white elephant. We had three rounds of the starter gifts. So far, no one had taken the gift I wanted to go for. An HP Envy 5525 printer. I knew which one it was because it’s one our family contributed. I didn’t know why. My mom knew I’d been needing a new one, yet she didn’t get me one for Christmas when it was one of the only things on my short list. 

This was the sucky part of being the second to last person. The anticipation. 

My cousin Jeremy was two numbers before me and my heart clenched when he went straight for it. Everyone ‘ooed’ after he’d revealed it, and it was now that I noticed other family members were interested. It wasn’t impossible for them to get it if they had the means. But Jeremy and his wife seemed to be smitten with the gift; it was a nice ass printer. 

I looked down at my hands in my lap, then looked back up when I knew it was the next person; Leo. Suddenly, I had an idea. Subtly, I texted him. He gave me a short nod and I let out a breath. We’d always been a great tag team. 

Leo stood up and walked straight over to Jeremy to grab it. Everyone ‘ooed’. And knowing he’d go for what Leo wanted, I’d steal from him when it was my turn. I watched as Jeremy went to take the FIFA games away from cousin David. Cousin David only laughed, eyeing all the presents. He decided to go for another large gift; there were only three left. It ended up being a toolset, which was up more his alley anyway.

My heartbeat quickened as I got up and went to Jeremy to take the FIFA games. There were ooo’s and laughs once again. I saw him look at Emily, his wife, and I mentally cursed. Jeremy took Emily’s gift and of course, she went to take the printer from Leo. 

Leo looked around and I internally cheered seeing my family plan the next moves. My oldest brother John and my mom had worked together so John could get the weight set and my mom could get the running gear. Leo took the toolset from my dad, and then he took the printer from Emily. 

I smiled widely, then frowned as she took, Jeremy’s mom, Nancy’s gift and in return she got the printer. Gah! It’s never ending! My dad looked at me and shrugged. I shrugged back. My dad went for one of the two last gifts. It was a movie, candy, popcorn basket; that worked for our whole family. It was two movies we already had though-- ‘We’re the Millers’ and ‘Battleship’. 

I looked over at Harry. “Your turn.” 

He looked at me thoughtfully and whispered, “You really want that printer?”

“Yeah, but you-”

Without hesitation he took it away from Nancy-- the last alliance for Jeremy’s side. 

He plooped back down beside me and presented it to me.“You said stealing was okay.”

I laughed under my breath. “Thanks, but now you didn’t get a large gift. I’ll wrestle my dad for that movie basket.”

“No worries, love. Your smile is enough.”

The heat came up my neck again and I forced myself to watch the end as a distraction. Nancy just took the final gift. It seemed like the large gift round was always equivalent in time with the amount of rounds we did for the starter gifts. 

Everyone who tag teamed switched their gifts around and all was right. Now, it was time for whatever before those who had to drive home did so. I might eat. 

“I’m gonna heat up leftovers, want anything?” I asked as I stood up and straightened out the sweater. 

He stood up as well and smirked. “I could eat, especially with you.”

It took a second for his words to click and I cocked a brow. “Did you just ask me out?” 

“I did.” He chuckled. It vibrated in my chest. 

“I’d love to.” I smiled before I headed to the kitchen.

Next: 2

[Masterlist]

Hey @oriigami, I was your Secret Santa for the @opsecretsanta2019. I hope you enjoy your gift, and have a Merry Christmas

Title: Deliverance  Rating: T Characters: Sabo, Koala Summary: It stood to reason that Sabo and Koala would get a cupcake for their first mission. It also stood to reason that nothing would go as planned. 

Or, the story of how Sabo got his first bounty. 

“Promise me you won’t go off script.”

“I told you already, I promise.”

Sabo fought with an ill-fitting workman’s cap, which despite his best efforts to pummel into submission did not want to sit nicely on his head. It was new and stiff, without any of the give his usual tophat had. He heard Koala give a nearly inaudible sigh. Standing on her tiptoes she swiped it out of his hands, giving him just enough time to bend down so she could force it on, pulling the bill so low it nearly covered his eyes.

And his scar.

“When did you get so damn tall?” she groused.

“I’m perfectly average, thank you very much,” Sabo said. “You’re just short.”

Koala punched his arm a little harder than was necessary, but he got her to smile. A real, honest-to-god smile, and not the strained bastardization she resorted to when she was nervous. “Seriously, Koala,” he said. “They gave us a cupcake of a mission.”

“We’re going in alone. There won’t be any backup this time around,” she pointed out.

Sabo scoffed, “Hack will be a snailphone call away, not that we’ll need him just to make a delivery. Seriously, Koala, we’ll be fine.”

“I will be fine,” Koala corrected, jabbing her finger into his chest. “It’s you they don’t trust not to run off towards the nearest explodables.”

“That was one time! How was I supposed to know that ship was transporting gunpowder?”

“I rest my case.”

She took a step back and looked Sabo with a critical eye. He considered making a quip about how cute she looked dressed up like a little peasant girl out running errands, but decided he would rather start his first solo mission without any conspicuous bruising.

It was a simple enough job, all things considered. The Revolution had gotten wind of a few nasty rumors regarding some upstart nobleman on the Isle of Doulos and sent an agent to infiltrate the household, who was now in need of some extra reconnaissance equipment that Koala and Sabo were to smuggle in to the estate.  

“I’m not going to screw this up,” Sabo promised for what felt like the dozenth time. “I don’t plan on having Hack babysit me forever so might as well show them we have what it takes, right?”

“Right.” Koala adjusted his collar before giving her final nod of approval. “Remember, we absolutely cannot blow Bunny Joe’s cover. So no hitting douchebags in the face.”

“I won’t,” Sabo promised for the thirteenth time. He paused. “I mean, unless they really deserve it.”

Sabo set sail to Doulos with a sore arm, but it was worth it to hear her laugh.

Xxx 

There had been some question on how the Revolution would smuggle supplies into the mansion of Lord Chandler, the recently turned nobleman who was promoted from the merchant class after performing some kind of service to the crown. Preliminary scouting missions reported an exceptionally thorough snailphone system that covered every inch of the nobleman’s vast estate. Stealth was technically possible, but it would be difficult to sneak around without arousing suspicion.

Further surveillance uncovered a surprisingly simple solution: Supplies from the nearby port city were often delivered by children the same age as Sabo and Koala. All they had to do was get in, drop off a few snails of their own, and get out again.

It wasn’t exciting, or brimming with danger and glory. The Revolution was still treating Sabo and Koala like children even though they’d been around longer than most of the adults, training and studying for the day they could officially join Dragon’s army.

“This is almost embarrassingly easy,” Sabo complained as he carefully loaded a cart left by other agents in the area. Beside him, Koala was readying the donkey that would lead them to their glorious future.

“Would you rather get a free pass?” Koala asked. “There’s already talk about how you get preferential treatment. Boss doesn’t give out one on one lessons to everybody, you know.”

“Talk? From who?” Sabo asked.

Koala gestured vaguely. “You know, people. Is this really the best time to be talking about this?”

“No. And I don’t want any free passes, either,” Sabo said. He took the reigns from Koala and helped boost her into the cart.

“I know that, the boss knows that. Everyone who matters knows that.” Koala’s expression softened, and she placed a calming hand on his forearm. Sabo forced himself to relax, not wanting her to feel the tension that had him all wound up and irritable.

“Yeah, well I’m going to prove it. Yee-freaking-haw.” And with a gentle snap of the reigns, they were off.  

It was a pleasant trip, the air of the spring island crisp and cool while the sun danced its way through a cloudy sky. Sabo and Koala picked their way through town and out into the countryside where Lord Chandler’s estate was nestled between rolling green hills, away from the polluted pall of the city and the dirty peasants who lived there. It was about an hour of slow, deliberate plodding on a bumpy and unpaved road, but time with Koala always seemed to fly twice as fast. Their most arduous task was trying to lead the stubborn donkey pulling their cart.

“I think he takes after you,” Koala teased.

“I’d like to see you do better.”

And so she did.

Their first roadblock came at the estate itself. Koala knew better than to lead them through the main entrance, following down a well-worn servant’s path farther back. The security guard manning the gate, a burly man who seemed to have more muscles than brains, looked down at his clipboard and frowned.

“I don’t have any deliveries scheduled for today.”

“We were only called for this morning,” Sabo said. “We probably didn’t make it on your list.”

He flashed his most winsome smile while Koala gave a small nod in agreement. The guardsman’s frown deepened, and he squinted harder at his clipboard as if it would spontaneously give him the answer he was looking for.

“Who ordered the delivery?” he asked after a long moment of thought.

Sabo shrugged. “Some guy named Joe, I guess? We were only told to bring the stuff over to the kitchens.”

He climbed to the back of the cart and showed the guard their wares: A dozen bags of flour, sugar, and other staples, plus a few rarer items imported just that day from a faraway island that they could pass off as the reason for the emergency delivery.

“I don’t know...” the guardsman said, stretching out the know so long it almost became two words.

Sabo was not about ready to have his first mission waylaid by some no-name grunt. He took a deep breath, gearing himself to launch into another argument when he was interrupted.

“What seems to be a problem here?”

Sabo turned sharply toward the new voice. All the color left the guard’s face as a newcomer slid out from the shadows of the gate, seeming to glide across the ground as if he were a glob of human-shaped oil instead of a real person. He wore an expression that could technically be described as a smile, provided whoever was doing the describing was blind, standing very far away, and had never known the pleasure of genuine human kindness.

It took a small measure of effort for Sabo not to recoil in disgust as the newcomer observed both Sabo and Koala through heavily lidded eyes. There was something eerie about his expression, magnified by a pair of the palest blue eyes Sabo had ever seen in his life, so clear as to be nearly devoid of color. His gaze flitted from Koala, to Sabo--lingering a moment his scars--before returning to Koala and staying there. His lips stretched to reveal a few more teeth, and it took every scrap of Sabo’s will not to break his promise and punch him in his big, leering face.

Koala, bless her, feigned a look of desperate pleading. “Please, sir, we just want to make our delivery and go home.”

Only Sabo heard the sarcastic edge in her servile tone. The newcomer took another gliding step, the guardsman instinctively shying away as he got too close for comfort. “Ah, yes. The extra supplies for our guests tonight. You’re early.” He made a motion like he were batting away an annoying fly. “Hurry up and let them in. You’re causing a scene.”

“Yes, sir!”

Koala and Sabo exchanged a look of surprise, but they didn’t have any time for anything else as the guardsman snapped at them, “You heard the man, get a move on! You’re causing a scene!”

The newcomer’s eyes never left them as they made their way toward the kitchens. Sabo could feel him boring a hole into his back even as they disappeared out of sight.

Xxx

For as long as Sabo could remember, he had a cat’s instincts for people. He was able to decipher tells with uncanny accuracy, the little pushes and pulls of body language that said more than words ever did. It was something that came to Sabo naturally, but he didn’t think it was Haki. Dragon had taught him some of that, too, and while the ability to Observe had its roots in the same place deep in his subconsciousness they were not the same.

Sabo was one of the only people in the world who could tell when Koala was only pretending to smile. He could read the minute changes in Dragon’s expression to know if he was pleased or upset. He could look at two strangers and dissect the power dynamics between them after only a few minutes of observation, and he didn’t need a Devil Fruit or any supernatural willpower to do it.

It got him into trouble more often than not, his instinctual gut reactions making him act without thinking, but he never regretted plowing ahead when he knew in his heart of hearts he was right. The Revolutionary Army was in the middle of a war; they didn’t have time to wait around for opportunities that would never open up of someone didn’t force the issue.

“Don’t,” Koala hissed under her breath. “I know what you’re thinking. Do not go off-script.”

“Do you see Joe anywhere?” Sabo asked serenely, the picture of perfect innocence. “I don’t want to lay this stuff out where anyone can find it. Someone should go look for him.”

Before Sabo could move, Koala’s hand was around his bicep, her grip tighter than an iron vice. “I swear to whatever god cares to listen, I will murder you in the most painful way I can imagine. For once in your life, listen to me: There’s someone already here investigating. We know there’s some bad juju here and there are measures in place to take care of it.”

“Not fast enough, by the looks of it.”

He felt rather than saw Koala’s reaction, his gaze straight ahead to the men and women scurrying around Lord Chandler’s estate at the same frenzied pace as a colony of ants whose nest had just been overturned. The servants had their heads ducked low, hurrying from one place to another like they were scared to be caught loitering. No one had the time to make small talk with one another. No one seemed to be happy at all.

“Who do you think the guests are for tonight?” Sabo asked, his voice barely carrying the distance between he and Koala. “There wasn’t anything about that in the report.”

“Maybe it was need-to-know, and we didn’t,” Koala said.

“Or maaaybe something’s going on. Joe really should have been here by now,” Sabo said. “If we stick around much longer someone’s going to kick us out.”

He kicked a pebble at his feet for emphasis. It dinged against the side of the great building Lord Chandler used as his kitchens, the heat of a dozen ovens making the air ripple and haze. He hated waiting out in the open like this. It was hard enough trying not to be conspicuous with his face half-fried. They might as well have flashing signs over their heads saying that they didn’t belong.

“Then I’ll go look for him,” Koala said. “You stay here and guard our stuff.”

“But…”

Koala silenced him with a raised finger. “Do you even know the right staff person to ask?” She allowed him a moment to answer, and when he couldn’t said, “Exactly. Of the two of us, I have the most experience with...this kind of thing.”

Her mouth twisted in a way that meant she had unwittingly dredged to the surface the horrors of her childhood. Koala shook herself slightly, like a dog would to dry off, and immediately her more familiar smile was back.

Sabo hated when she looked like that, more than he hated the possibility of flubbing his first mission. “You’re right, you’re right. I’ll be a good boy and stay put.”

Koala’s soft flit of laughter lifted the dour atmosphere of the estate, if only for a moment. “I doubt that.”

She bounded off towards the servant’s entrance, moving with a warrior’s poise and grace. She would have to work on that if they ever went deep undercover; a layman would never notice, but an experienced fighter would and might ask questions they dare not answer.

Sabo was tucking that tidbit in the back of his mind when he saw a blur of color at the edge of his vision. The scarring on his bad eye rendered him nearly blind on that side, and by the time he got turned around the weird man with the blue eyes was nearly at his cart.

“Sorry, sir, we’ll be out of your way as soon as we can,” Sabo chirped in his most simpering tone. “Just trying to find who we’re supposed to drop this off with. It’ll only be a moment more.”

The hairs on the back of Sabo’s neck prickled as he felt the Presence of three others walking up behind him. A quick glance showed that none of them were Bunny Joe, and Sabo didn’t trust the strange man’s smile any more than he had before.

He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart, remembering countless lessons with Hack and Koala and Dragon. He couldn’t lose control. Sabo felt his focus narrow as adrenaline hummed in his veins, sharpening every detail to its finest point.

The strange man stood directly in front of him, while three of the estate’s security detail formed a half-circle at Sabo’s back. Blue Eyes was empty handed, but the rest either held guns or wore them at their hips.

“Does there seem to be a problem, sir?” Sabo asked. Too late he remembered that he was supposed to be a normal city boy making a delivery, and the question came out more impertinent than fearful.

It seemed Koala wasn’t the only one who needed practice.

“Walk with me, boy,” Blue Eyes said. “I think I know where to find your friend.”

Sabo took a sharp breath. He had a split second to make his decision, and a not-so-small part of him wanted to fight. The mission was obviously compromised and Bunny Joe missing, and he’d foolishly allowed himself to be separated from his partner with no easy way to get into contact with her.

A voice that sounded suspiciously like Koala’s told him to wait. There was no turning back once he decided to turn things into a slug fest. There were still too many questions he didn’t have answers to; if there was a chance of salvaging anything out of the mission, then he should take it. For the Revolution’s sake and his own curiosity.

“Um, okay. Sure thing, boss.” Sabo jumped down from the cart, carefully palming the baby snailphone hidden under the bench as he did so. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he shuffled forward with his head ducked low and his shoulders rolled in defensively.

The Blue-Eyed man’s eyebrows crept up toward his hairline. “Hands where I can see them. I’ll not have any funny business now.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but have I done something wrong?” Sabo asked. “It’s just...you see, my sister’s the worrying type, and she’s going to wonder where I’ve gone.”

“I assure you, your sister is in the best of hands,” he said, before giggling at his own poor attempt at a joke.  

Blood thundered in Sabo’s ears, and he couldn’t stop a smile of his own, feral and just as unnerving as the one worn by the man who stood before him. Sabo got the satisfaction of seeing something that was very close to fear flash across Blue Eyes’ face, quickly covered by an imperious mask of self-importance.

Sabo was shoved forward while guardsmen came on either side, boxing him in and marching him away from the kitchens, his cart, and Koala. All of a sudden they were alone; the servants had decided it was best to batten down and wait for the storm to pass.

“Who are you?” Sabo asked. “Lord Chandler won’t be happy to see you interfering with his business.”

The man laughed a cruel and terrible laugh, high-pitched and cold like iron scraping against ice. His guardsmen aped him like a trio of trained monkeys, their low guffaws a mocking harmony. Sabo’s stomach sank when he realized his mistake. He should have known an ass of such massive proportions had to be titled.

“The better question is who are you?” Lord Chandler hissed once he regained control of his facilities. He bent close enough to Sabo that their noses were nearly touching and he was seeing double. “Who sent you? Was it El Jefe, or that upstart LeBlanc? I’ll have my answers one way or another; if you’re smart you’ll save me the trouble of beating them out of you.”

“And I told you, sir, I’m just here making a delivery,” Sabo said.

He saw the blow coming in time to turn his head with the hit, but Lord Chandler’s fist still caught enough of his nose to bloody it. Sabo dutifully let his head snap back to sell the hit. He didn’t really know how much to fake it, but erred on the side of caution. The supercilious grin that spread across Lord Chandler’s face as Sabo pretended to writhe in pain told him all he needed to know. The bastard was the kind of man that liked hurting people, and Sabo wasn’t the least bit surprised when he followed it up with a blow to his solar plexus.

This time Sabo didn’t need to fake a wheeze as all the air was forcibly excavated from his lungs.

Lord Chandler rubbed his knuckles. “The first was for your cheek. The second was for making me touch you.” He gestured for his guards. “Come along. I’ve wasted too much time already.”

Sabo drug his feet, making them work for every inch. Somewhere along the way ill-fitting hat fell off of his head and floated gently to the ground, accompanying the trail of blood that would lead Koala to wherever these idiots were taking him.

A curtain of hair fell over Sabo’s eyes and obscured his mad grin. This wasn’t over. Not by a longshot.

Xxx

Sabo had to applaud Lord Chandler’s ingenuity. He kept his prisoners in a slaughterhouse.

He smelled it before he saw it, the metallic stink of warm blood that never went away no matter how often the floors were scrubbed clean. The building itself was unassuming and plain, windowless, made of concrete with a roof of corrugated tin. Sabo was grateful for the island’s mild climate, but once he was forced inside there was no circulation to help keep cool. The air was stale and suffocating, and while the deadly machinery had been removed the long, narrow corridors remained. A true death row.

Sabo could hear other prisoners through the thin walls. He expanded his senses and thought he felt the Presence of fifteen, maybe twenty people in total. Did Lord Chandler have that many enemies, or was he snuffing out competition? His noble title was still sparkling new, after all. Maybe he was afraid of losing it.    

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years of business, it’s the importance of taking a hands-on approach,” Lord Chandler said in a conversational tone. He rolled up his sleeves past his elbows with deliberate slowness, savoring each moment. “That’s the problem with nobles these days, they’re afraid to get their hands dirty. But I’ve made an effort not to forget my roots.”

Sabo braced himself, not for any sort of blow, but the pain of the pretentious monologue he was certain was coming his way. He was considering saying something rude in hopes of making Lord Chandler shut up and hit him, but was saved the effort by the unexpected ring of the snailphone.

The snailphone that was currently in his pocket.

The snailphone that Lord Chandler did not know he was carrying.

Blue eyes narrowed into slits. “Search him!”

“Left pocket,” Sabo said with a longsuffering sigh.

One of the thugs growled in a way he probably thought was intimidating and forced one of his meaty paws into Sabo’s pants pocket. He looked at the baby snail as if he’d never seen a phone before in his life, causing Lord Chandler to bark, “Well, answer it, you buffoon!”

The guard did as he was told. He listened to the voice on the other end, thick eyebrows growing closer and closer together, and after a moment said, “Boss, it’s for you.”

Lord Chandler snatched the phone out of his hands and shouted into the receiver, “Who is this?!”

Sabo would have loved to hear what was said on the other end, but after a moment Lord Chandler’s face went ghost-white. He thrust the snail into one of his men’s hands without saying a word and rushed out of the slaughterhouse.

“Uh, boss…?”

“See, that’s the problem with doing everything yourself,” Sabo said. “A leader has to trust their underlings to do their job when they’re not around. Unfortunately, you’re just not up to the task.”

Sabo was moving before they had time to even process what he said. He broke out of their hold effortlessly, not even bothering with covering his fist with haki before ramming it into the nearest face. He had a brief moment of yearning for his metal pipe before thrusting the palm of his hand beneath the jaw of another. The third tripped over his own feet trying to run away, and Sabo decided to help him down, palming the back of his head and smashing his face into the concrete floor.

He took a step back, surveying his handiwork. They were all alive and twitching, so he took advantage of the abattoir aesthetic, wrapping them in the chains hanging from the ceiling. The hooks once used when draining blood of freshly slaughtered animals long-since repurposed with iron shackles.

Iron shackles. The idiot didn’t even invest in proper sea stone cuffs.

“Amateur,” Sabo muttered to himself. He wiped the blood from his nose with the back of his hand and went in search of Bunny Joe.

He found him in the locker, standing over an uneasy group of prisoners. There weren’t enough rooms for individual cells or even chains to bind them all, so they were kept together in one huddled mass.

For a moment Sabo was irritated that Joe hadn’t freed himself of such a pathetic prison. The man himself was talking quietly to a young woman, wide-eyed and trembling like a frightened doe, and Sabo forced his annoyance down. There were some things that were more important.

“Hiya, Joe!” Sabo said cheerfully. “Lovely place you’ve got here.”

Joe whirled around. Confusion flashed across his face, before his eyes lit up with recognition. “Oh, hey. You’re the boss’s brat. What are you doing here?”

“Trying to find you,” Sabo said. “What’s going on?  Chandler’s goons jumped me ‘n Koala before we had a chance to explain ourselves.”

Joe muttered a string of expletives and drew a hand over his forehead. “He got me early this morning. Must have seen me snooping someplace I shouldn’t and decided to tag you too. I’m so sorry, kid. I’ll get you out of this mess here in a bit.” A pause. “Wait, you said there was someone else with you? Where are they?”

“With a little bit of luck, out causing chaos and mayhem,” Sabo said.

“That’s no good. I need to get you guys out of here before the auction tonight.”

At the word auction the woman beside him burst into tears. Sabo saw her wobble like jelly, before the strength left her legs entirely and she collapsed into a sobbing mess on the ground. Bunny Joe knelt beside her and started rubbing her back in slow, steady circles.

“I’m going to get you all out of here, I promise. I need you to stay strong for me for just a little bit longer. Okay?”

She nodded, and Joe helped her stand with tears still streaming down her face. Taking her by the elbow, he led her back to the other prisoners. “I need to, uh, confer with my colleague for a moment. We’ll sort things out and get you home.”

“This was my home,” she whispered hoarsely.

Her expression crumpled into a look of wretched misery, and she buried her head in her hands. Joe handed her off to another one of the women, an older, matronly-type, his motions stiff and awkward. He returned to Sabo rubbing the back of his neck, uncomfortable and out of place.

“I’m no good at this sort of thing,” he admitted. “But I couldn’t just leave them here.”

“Lord Chandler’s hosting an auction?” Sabo said. It took enormous effort not to start shouting, the spark of his previous indignation ignited into a roaring fire of fury and rage.

“An art auction, yeah. It’s his third in the last two months.”

“I don’t get it.”

Bunny Joe sighed, scratched temple and tried to explain. “Chandler was a smuggler, yeah? And a damn good one at that. He opened up all sorts of illegal trade on this part of the Grand Line under the name Mr. Mooneyes.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” Sabo said.

“Yeah, well, the king turned a blind eye so long as he got his piece of the pie. That was how Chandler earned his title, and now that he’s got it he’s decided to expand his business.”

He looked back at the people behind him. “Auctions are the perfect way to get dirty money clean, and art is easy because the value of any given piece is so subjective. You know, the eye of the beholder, that sort of thing. I was digging through old records, and nearly every piece sold was going for about B500,000. I thought that was a little suspicious, so I tried to find out who was buying, but Chandler runs a tight ship. Everything’s anonymous, supposedly to protect the buyer and their new investment.”

“So you tried to find out who the buyers were.”

“And apparently got caught doing it,” Joe said wearily. “Sorry, I didn’t think he’d go as far as gathering up you guys. I’ll make sure you get home safe.”

“I don’t need your protection. What I need to know is what’s your plan to blow this out of the water, and what can I do to help. Lord Chandler isn’t going to stay away for long, and my guess is he’s going to bring backup. We need to be ready when he does.”

Joe peered down at Sabo, as if he were seeing him for the first time. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”

“Deadly.” Sabo said. “And here’s our backup now.”

Sabo felt Koala’s Presence before he saw her dance into the locker. She faltered for the briefest moment at the sight of the room before quickly finding Sabo and Joe. She didn’t appear seriously hurt, but it was impossible for Sabo not to see the blood on her knuckles. He wondered who it belonged to.

“I assume that was your work at the entrance? You were always good at tying people up.” Koala said.

“And I assume you were the one who called me?”

“I was surprised when you didn’t answer, but I think it worked out better this way,” Koala said, a look of pure wickedness on her face. “I wish I could have seen Chandler’s expression when I told him someone had knocked out his surveillance system.”

“And Hack?”

“I convinced him to hold off just a little bit longer. He’s at the harbor now snooping around the ships coming into port. Hopefully he can identify a few of the people on Chandler’s guestlist for tonight.”

She brushed a stray hair out of her face and scanned the room, noting each detail with a methodicalness that Sabo was sometimes jealous of. “But that’s enough about me. What’s all this?”

“A slave market,” Sabo said. “Seems like that’s how Lord Chandler is making money these days, with the approval of the crown.”

Her eyes hardened, the bright blue of her irises frosting over with an icy coldness. Her lips pursed together into a nearly invisible line, every muscle in her small body tensing. It was so rare to see her truly angry Sabo had almost forgotten how scary she could be. Bunny Joe took an involuntary step back as fury radiated off her in waves.

“The auction is this afternoon. I don’t think Chandler can afford to cancel. Not with so many VIPs coming in from all over the Grand Line,” Joe said. “But he’ll be ready. How bad did you mess up his snails?”

“It won’t be back up anytime soon,” Koala said tersely. “And I’ve brought you all a present.”

Without waiting for their response Koala turned sharply on one heel and walked back to the corridor near the entrance. Sitting next to the three guardsmen strung up from the ceiling was a man who’d been stripped down to his skivvies and hogtied, his clothes folded neatly beside him. Sabo almost laughed. “Who is he?”

“A visiting prince from the Moorlands,” Koala said. “I assume he came for the festivities later today.”

At the sight of them, the prince tried to yell into his gag. Sabo knelt down and picked up the man’s waistcoat with his thumb and forefinger, holding it away from his body as if it were diseased. “Is there a reason you decided to strip him?”

“He looked to be your size. Had this in his pocket.”

Koala handed him a card written on thick stock paper, the words TICKET OF INVITATION written in fancy script. Sabo took it from her skeptically. “His Lordship knows what I look like.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Joe said. “Everything is done anonymously. They wear masks.”

“It’s in there somewhere, just keep digging,” Koala said.

Sabo found a porcelain carnival mask, white a black domino pattern around the eyes, trimmed in gold. “Oh my god, it’s hideous.” He grinned up at her. “I’ll take it.”

Xxx

The clothes didn’t feel all that different from what he usually wore, albeit in black instead of his usual blue. Koala had even found him a cravat. But Sabo felt stiff, like he was wearing someone else’s skin.

He had to remember to walk like he had a stick up his ass, to look down at everyone else like they were bits of mud to be scrapped off of his polished boots. He stood in the spacious halls of Lord Chandler’s mansion, taking in the marble columns and the shiny crystal chandeliers, the smell of sandalwood in the air.

Even with his invitation he was afraid of someone seeing his disheveled hair, or that a guard would somehow see through the mask to see the imposter that lay beneath. The scars on his face and shoulder itched every time someone so much as glanced at him.

Security had been tripled, both inside and out of the mansion, but was thickest around the ballroom where the auction would take place. After a moment of consideration Sabo bypassed it. He was distinctly aware that they were running out of time, seconds ticking off the clock in the back of his mind. Following the directions left by Bunny Joe, he walked up a winding wrought-iron staircase to the second level of the mansion. A servant gave him a questioning look that Sabo dismissed with an aristocratic flick of the wrist. He ignored the stammared apology, stomach curling with guilt.

He hated acting like this. Hated more how good he was at it.

Sabo’s foul mood had nearly reached a boiling point by the time he reached the upper foyer. Two guards in white masks stood at attention by rich mahogany doors. At the sight of him they shifted their rifles, ready to raise them at a moment’s notice.

“No guests on the second floor,” one barked.

“But I have an invitation,” Sabo protested.

“No guests on the second floor.”

“I don’t think you know who you’re dealing with,” Sabo said softly. Dangerously.

He was moving before they had time to a look of confusion, twisting a hand into a dragon’s claw. Haki coating his hand black, he struck the middle of the rifle. Wood snapped into splinters under his hand, metal warping and bending with the force of the blow. The guardsman was thrown backward, head cracking against the doorpost. Pivoting sharply, Sabo grabbed a fistful of the second guardsman’s uniform. WIth a roar of fury he hurled him into the door with as much force as he could muster.

The door didn’t break, but the guard did. Shaking his head, Sabo stepped over him and jiggled the handle. Locked. Grinning behind his mask Sabo cracked his knuckles, surveying the door while he rolled his shoulders to loosen them.

One hit to break the lock. Another to blow the door off of its hinges. Mr. Mooneyes himself stood at a table at the center of the room in abject shock, the remnants clattering at his feet. His security was a little better, but Sabo hadn’t spent the past two years training with Dragon to be beaten by a handful of scrubs.

The last man fell before Lord Chandler could make his escape. Sabo grabbed him by the back of the waistcoat and whirled him around, pinning him up against the wall. Somewhere in the scrum the mask had fallen off of his face, and Lord Chandler’s eyes widened in recognition.

“Ha...You won’t get away with this,” Lord Chandler said, gasping for air. He looked down at Sabo with those clear, soulless eyes, a terrible grin twisting his face into something that was more monster than man.

“I think I will,” Sabo said.

“Marines are coming,” Lord Chandler said. “They’ll get you and the girl. No one will come to rescue you when you’re locked in Impel Down. I bet they have her already. I hope they make the little bitch suff--achgh!”

Somewhere along the line Sabo’s hand had found his neck and began squeezing. “I think you’ll find that girl doesn’t need rescued. Now tell me, who are your buyers? Who’s letting the slave trade expand this far from Mariejois?!”

“Hypocrite” Lord Chandler sneered. “Hubris like yours stinks of the Revolution. Where do you think Dragon gets his weapons? His supplies? Men like me...like my benefactor...are the grease that turns the wheel of society. My father always said you need a little bit of shit to make the garden grow, so don’t pretend you’re innocent. What sort of monster sends children out to do his dirty work?”

“What sort of monster puts free men and women in chains for profit?” Sabo spat through gritted teeth. “I’m not going to ask again, who’s the one letting you get away with it?!”

Lord Chandler laughed a dry, wheezy laugh. “Someone bigger and scarier than you. I’ll not breathe a word, boy, to you or your Revolution, so you might as well end this charade and kill me now.”

Before Sabo could answer, the snailphone in his pocket started to ring.

At the sound of it, Lord Chandler cackled like a madman.

“You’re too late, little Revolutionary. You should have known better than to challenge me when the World Government is on my side.”

Sabo kept one hand wrapped around Lord Chandler’s neck as he answered the phone. “What is it? I’m a little busy here.”

“We need to get out of here now,” Koala said. “Hack and I have the ship ready and Joe’s just about got the last of the slaves on board, but there’s half a dozen marine ships coming in hard. We’ll hold them off as long as we can, but they outgun us by...a lot.”

“I’ll divert their attention here,” Sabo said.

Hack’s voice cut in past Koala’s protests. “Sabo, you’ve done enough. It’s time to cut our losses and--”

“I’m going to burn it to the ground.”

Sabo hung up the phone. He looked at Lord Chandler like he were a newly discovered insect he was about to pin onto a specimen board. “I’ll admit, you’re clever. Joe said you have a code during your auctions, a whole system for bidding so that an outsider looking in would have no idea what was really going on. What was it, oil paintings if they were women, acrylics for men, that sort of thing? I have to wonder why even bother with all the subterfuge if the World Government is really on your side.”

Lord Chandler opened his mouth to answer, but Sabo stopped him with a little bit of pressure against his windpipe. “I didn’t say you could speak. See, I’d say you were scared of the Revolution, but you didn’t even suspect us to start with. You’ve got enough goons here and the approval of your king, which makes me think it’s not the local competition you’re worried about. You’ve got too many resources for them to ever be a true threat.”

Sabo leaned closer. “The slave market’s pretty much a one man show these days. You were a smuggler once, right? I’m sure you’ve heard who’s in charge.”

A spasm passed over Lord Chandler, all-but-confirming Sabo’s gut instinct.

“I’m going to give you one last shot,” Sabo said. “Either you come with me and tell us everything you know, or I leave you here for Joker to take care of. You have thirty seconds to decide.”

Sabo dropped Lord Chandler with an unceremonious thud. He kept half an eye on him while making a quick sweep of the room, gathering up any sort of documentation that looked to be important and stuffing it down the front of his shirt.

Everything else he gathered into a pile. Sabo found the nearest candle and carefully lowered the wicking flame. The paper caught, curling to black ash and smoke.

He would have to help it along if he wanted to make good on his promise to Koala, but Sabo figured he could make it work. He turned back to where Lord Chandler sat whimpering in a corner.

“Time’s up, your Lordship. What do you decide?”

Xxx

“Wanted for kidnapping, assault, and impersonating a noble.”

Koala slipped Sabo’s newly-minted bounty from between the pages for closer inspection before handing him the rest of the paper. “I thought you would be happy. Why are you not happy?”

“I don’t know,” Sabo admitted. He propped his head on his hand and scanned the news, trying to read between the lines of lies to find the truth that lay underneath. “It was all...vaguely unsatisfying.”

“You burned down a mansion.”

“I burn down things all the time. I wanted something...more. Something meaningful.”

Koala quirked an eyebrow. “Saving eighteen people from slavery isn’t meaningful?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I’m not sure I do.

Sabo set down the paper and looked at her helplessly. A bandage covered one cheek from an errant bullet, a result of her staving off the marines long enough for everyone to escape.

He felt himself getting angry all over again, but it was an impotent anger. They’d completed their mission, but it wasn’t enough.

It would never be enough.

“Lord Chandler’s one man. One. He’s not even that important in the grand scheme of things. How many others are out there just like him, trying to get their piece of the pie because the Government says it’s okay to sell people like chattel? He’s a symptom, not the disease.”

He tried to go back to his paper, but after a few seconds feeling Koala’s eyes boring into his side gave up and tossed it aside. He leaned his chair back on two legs and groaned. “I want to do more. Go higher. Punch more dochebags in the face.”

“And you will.”

Both Koala and Sabo whirled around where Dragon’s massive body filled the doorway. How he managed to be so sneaky in a base full of Observation Haki users Sabo would never know.

“I’ve gone over Bunny Joe’s report. You commended yourselves well, both of you.”

Koala bowed her head. “Thank you, sir.”

“When’s our next mission?” Sabo asked at the same time.

Dragon’s lips quirked in one of his almost-smiles. “Now. It turns out Mr. Mooneyes made sure to get dirt on each of his clients as a means of protecting himself. With this information, we’ll be able to climb a little bit closer to our goals. Now go pack your bags, you leave tonight with the tide.”

Sabo let out a whoop of joy and jumped to his feet, but before he could make a mad dash to his room Dragon placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Patience. A lion may stalk for hours waiting for the perfect time to strike. Our work will not be in vain. The Celestial Dragons will fall.”

Sabo nodded once, sharply. “And I’ll make sure to be there when it happens.”

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the 🚬 hole weren't you 🤓 Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: 🤐 unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your 🤓 words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well 💔 if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well 💔 that you've forgotten how 💪🏆 I am, pisshead Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need 📣 and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the 🐑 costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never 👀 you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the ✨ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere 😭🎻💔 Jimmy: but it's alright I'll ❌ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: 🙄 cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my 😍 right now Jimmy: too 🥺 about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the 😒 Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a 🖍 it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just 💪 that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just 🎄 Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: 😂 Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: 👻❓ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates ✔ Jimmy: shit home life ✔ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your 😈💡 Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: 🚨🚨 Jimmy: undercover 👮🚔 perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: 💰 on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll 🔍 Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: 🎁 that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned 🎄 came early for you Janis: 🤢 Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: I really  don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: 😏 never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their 🚽 dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me 🗨 Jimmy: 🔇🏆 Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that 🤐 in my general daily praise of you for the socials 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: 👌 Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their 📞 Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how 😁 he were an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: better off 🤞 there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his 🎁 Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any 👶 on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a 🎻🎁 Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: 🎟 to the 🎪 Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my 🤹 for nowt? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your 🎄🔥 Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all 😈 happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: 😂 yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life ✔ Jimmy: I were in it for the 🎨 but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your 👼🏽 ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a 🎄 by now Jimmy: whoever's got the 🥇 shrine going Janis: graced by my 🍑 Janis: what could be more 🙌🙏 worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: 😬 uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for 🎨? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you 💕🙌🙏 me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it 🤞 Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my 🤶🏾 so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my 🏆 in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: 💭 on it for a bit Janis: 🤔 Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat ❌🤮 bit and we'll see if 💀👑 still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're 😭😭 they lost it Janis: more valuable 🍒 Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped 😭😭 about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: 🎄🎁 sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being 👸 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her 👻 Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: 👍 Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: gutted I don't have a 💍 to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you 💍 him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: 😱 Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: 📷 tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna 👀 see who's 😭 more, her or the 👶 Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to 📷 her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: 🥇💡 out serve her 👗 in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a 😍 way, just the wholesome 😇 thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a 🏅 for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO 😁 me Jimmy: sod off 🎅 I'm waiting for god to hand out the 🎁🎁 Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I 💕 that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: one of a kind 🏆 Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy 🎯 Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a 🎁 Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have 💕 Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: 🙄 Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth 👮🚨 Jimmy: might if he's got a 🎁 for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my 💌s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: 👶 names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: 🖋🎨 Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: 👋 lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench 👋 Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what 💀👑 crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing 👌 Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun 🙌 Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and 🎅 Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do 📵 Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the 😎 lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear 👠 Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond 🏆 Janis: 😂 Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best 🍰s and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a 🥧 Jimmy: cut my 👶🦷 on crusts 🍺s and 🥔s Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big 😭😱🤯 read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it 🏆🥇💪 Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: 👎 unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: 😒 an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: 🤞 for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a 🎄🎁 Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be 💀💀💀 Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a 🤴 right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough 👏👏🌹 for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as 👏👏🌹 if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having 💀👑 in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to 💔 me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the 🥀 ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: 😏 Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: 💰 on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you 💘 her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: 📝 Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be 🍽 for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: 😬 Janis: that's hell Jimmy: 🤞 he's all 🗨 and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive 🐕🏃 before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm 😴 Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 😒🚬 and 😎🖍 Jimmy: 🐕💔 'cause you ain't here Janis: 😏 Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: 🗨💌 Janis: am too Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up 💀👑 Janis: should've had this 🥇💡 last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: 👂? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look 😎 too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' 😏] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently 😍] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive  and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' 😏 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat 💪🏆 Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly 😂 Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, 💀👑 literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag 💀👑 is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to 💍 Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at 🎄 bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a 💭 where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him 💔 Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥛 out for 🎅 not Ian's precious 🥃 OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: 😏 Janis: imagine how wrecked 🎅 would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I 💭 Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your 💭💕 Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of 📷 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll go 👀 then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me 👻💔 Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when 💔 Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a 😭 shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after 🎅's pissed off Janis: BABE 😤 Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: 😭😭😭 OMG Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: 🔪or ✂👅 Janis: ✂ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my 👅 isn't Jimmy: but alright, from 💀👑's SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth 💋🐸 Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😬 feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: 😇 Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't 🔥 knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: 🤞 for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, don't 🙄 @ me Janis: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's @ the 🌍 Jimmy: nice try on the 😇 for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but 😈's getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: 💔 these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for 🎄 that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: 👍 10/10 5⭐s Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the 😎 Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: 🤐 Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: ☕💕 Janis: top 🥉barista boy Jimmy: *🥇 Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm 🥈 alright Jimmy: steady on 🤓 Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself 🥈 often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to 👀 Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: 😡 just FYI Jimmy: 👀📷 Jimmy: FYI my 🐕 might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with 🐕, 👶 or 👶🐕 Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a 🔥🔥 sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a 💡💭 Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: 📸 some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know 😏 Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed 🎁🎁 Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm 🤔 Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like 😍😍😍 like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead 🎅 would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to 💀💀💀 me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead 🎅 Janis: he's already 🥴 Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for 🙌🙏 or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be 🌩 down before you can 🔪 Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my 👴💘 were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be 💔 Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: 😳 and 😡 respectively Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: might have to ✎ you for today's 🎨 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his 👀 when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my 🕠 Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very 😇 Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: 🍒 for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the 🤓 words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan 😶 Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: 👍 Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: 🤞 for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: 🤞 you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: 🤞 you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's 🔪🪓🔧🔨 Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: 🐑🚗 Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: ��� Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the 🥉 Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit 💔🎻 Janis: but...we matched, babe 😭 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that 🤔 Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me 😳 dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then 😈 Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about 🍓👃s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against 😳 Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my ☕🎨 Janis: hardly a 🏆 that Jimmy: I don't want any 🏆 from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you 💬 that when you try and 💬 otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm 🧠💀💀💀 in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too 💔😭🎻 yet Janis: keep you having the odd 💡💭 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: 👍 Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: 😏 Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: 👌👌 Janis: believe in you when I 👀 you Jimmy: I've got the 🔑s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: 🏆 Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all 👀 me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your ✨ even with my 👴👀 Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: 🌟 x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: 💖 Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about 🌟🌟🌟 Janis: 💔 just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're 👍 Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy 🗨 Janis: 😂 Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: 😒😒😒😒😒😒 Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're 😍 Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: 😍 and 😳 Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so ❌ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't 🥶 my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the 👮🚔 escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my ☀ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the 🐕s and ☕s? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual 👼 or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: 😱😱 YOU WHAT? 💔 Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume 😈 Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to 🗨 Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🏆💪🥇 me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: 🕠 Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: 😲 Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can 👀🍿 you try to wait Jimmy: be a right 😂 Janis: 😣 Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a 🐴 and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with 🍆📏✔ so alright, you can be the 💰💰 Janis: 😂 Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already 💀 Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his 👻 Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: 👻📞 problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: 🌌🧠 Jimmy: all the 🏆👏🌹 Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we 👏 get 👏 it 👏 bill 👏 Jimmy: brb gotta ™ a 👶📖 called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: 🤑💰💰💰💰🤑 Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: #bitofrough 😘 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're 👀ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes 💔 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [😏 cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and 😳 related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can 🚬 on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the ⚽🏀🏑🎾 shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my ⚽🏀🏑🎾🤴 Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches 🤢 Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't 👀 you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: 🥊 for a 💋 Jimmy: alright, a 💋 off me for every 🥊 sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [😍 that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're 😏 like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [🚬 because likewise and also 😳 like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [😒 af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a 😎 boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so 😍 as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [😏 like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: 😈 coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than ☕ Jimmy: 🤞 jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their ☕ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me 🥖 and 🐟 or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some 🍷 too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't 📞 Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to😴 some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: 💔 fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare 🎁 with his new best mate, get her 📞 Janis: baby 💔 Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: 💔 there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very 💖 Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT 😍 to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend 💔 Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel 😵? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO 😵😵😵 me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a 🚬 or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a 🚬 but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand  'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT 👏 HAS 👏 HE 👏 BEEN 👏 and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [😏 and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [😳 that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a 🤞 and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and 😒 at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like 👀 and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a ⛄ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my 😎 emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: 😭💔🎻 Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: 😭💔🎻 is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the 💬 Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the ⏲ running Jimmy: what 'cause 💀💀💀 is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily ❌ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: 🤫 he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the 🎄 foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how 💔 any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a 🏆 cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: 🤢 obvs dickhead Jimmy: your 🧠 is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my 🧠 Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed 🚬 breaks, right? Janis: once the main events 🎁🦃 are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my 🚬 Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: 😂 Janis: eurgh Jimmy: 💅🤷 Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: 💀👑 probably started opening her 🎁s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: 💎💰🐴💄👜👠💰👗💎 Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new 🐩 Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: 💭 of the 🐕🏃💰 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the 💔 would finally off her Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type 🤔❗❓ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both 😘 Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with 💀👑 and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 💪🏆 Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: 😩😩 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [🥺 selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here 👋💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a 👍 pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something 🥊 day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be 💔 but yeah Janis: yeah, 🤞 Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with 🎅 probably 🥊 him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: 😶 Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to 🥊 her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon 💋 Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll 🥊 Lucas for you whenever Janis: 🥰🥰🥰 Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: 🔪🔪🔪? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I were on about him being 👴 Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: 💋🩸 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: 🥔 DUH Jimmy: but I'll have 🚬 off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then 🤓 Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the 🤓 Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: um, give me more 👏🌹 dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: 😇 Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all 👴🎻 Janis: 🚬 break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any 💡🥇 for how to make his nose glow? Janis: 🤔 Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any 💡 or 🔥 Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get 😳 than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I 💭 it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: 🙄 is what Janis: it's better than 😳 Jimmy: 😳 suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil 😳 vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can 😳 the most isn't one I wanted 🥇 for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead 🎅's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: 😱🤢😵 Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!🤯 Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything 🙄 Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his 🥇 Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the 🐕 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? 🤔 Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: 😏 past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of 👶👧👦🐶 you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the 🎻💔😭 Janis: 💘 of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that 🎄 miracle my sister has her 🤞 for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: 😬 Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it 🎅 Janis: 🚗❓😡🛫🛬🏡🙏 Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would 💭 my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be 🥇 brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *🌧😒 Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I  keep 😳 all the snow'll melt Janis: 👋 shit dad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: 💰 on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: 💔 I ain't a time travelling 👻 or ⛄ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: 💔 for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the 🏆 for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: 😎🚬 is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at ☕🎨 I'll ❌ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts 🗨 to you Janis: just so 🥱 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: 🥅 nice save Jimmy: ain't a 👏👏🌹 chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: 😂 Janis: you 🤞 to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the 🚗 that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: 🥺🎻 Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no 🩸 in your 🧠 Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: 😎 Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well 😁 again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly 🙌👏🌹 of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you 💀👑 'll be doing shit to it as we 🗨 Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: 🥵 to 🥶 Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: 💁 what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for 👀🍿 unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: 😏 Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: 🛏 or 🚿? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well 🚿 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: 🎅🎁🎄 Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: 😒 twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: 👌 quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: 😏 alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🔪🖐🩸 Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the 🧛 I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all 🥇 Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the 🚿 Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant 👀 on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a 🚿 Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: 💭 if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would 💖 Jimmy: if I could count Janis: 🖕✌🤟 baby Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just 🤏 rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to 🖋 the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: 😒 Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: 😊? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I 👀 you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a 😇 Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not 🥇 Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the 😒 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: 😊 Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: 😂 Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm 🤐 Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: 😣 Jimmy: I know Janis: 😠 on the scale, actually Jimmy: 😡 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: 💡🥇 hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: 🥇 is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how 🤯 I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or 🥴 Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a 🎄 miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of 🎁s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not 🥇 though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the 🏆s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take 🥈if it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🥛🍪 Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your 💘 forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting 🎄🎵 in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret 💌 Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? 👍 Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very 💘 right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of ⛓⛓ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full 😒😒 instead of you 😱 Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up 🙄🤷 Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the 🐶 in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the 🐕 Jimmy: but a 🥊 would be festive if you've got your 💘 set on it Janis: he's probably into some light ⚽🏀 torture Janis: I 👀 it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: 🔮 NYE Jimmy: night of my 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up 🌹s Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: 👎 Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake 😭 forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the 💔😭🎻 for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any 🏆 Janis: 😬 #cantrelate 💘🙌💪 Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: ⛏ or 🔦 from his mining days'll do 🤞 Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were 🥧🥔🍺 Janis: 😂 Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: 🥇 bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the 🩸🦷 so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best 🎄🎁 going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: 🗨 about nowt but your head Jimmy: but 💭 about it, doing your 🦒 neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER 👏 ME 👏 A 👏 MASSAGE 👏 OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of 💡🥇 already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: ❌ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: 🎅 is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him 📞 in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no 😎 Jimmy: what else is he 📞 at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind 🙄 Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: 🥉 you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with 🎅 Janis: 😑 twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a 🦧 Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: 🐍 spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: 🐙 Janis: and 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: 🏆 Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to 💭 Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that 🐙 dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's 🦑 an' all? Janis: 😬 Janis: at least it's not 🦐 boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: ❌❌❌ Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so 😁 Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: 🦐'll have to live without me Jimmy: or 💀💀💀 if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a 👻 Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: 🤞 him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a 👻 unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than 🐕🏃 so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear 💕 Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥀 Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]

How about 17 from the prompts list?

FindMeInPops’ 12 Days of Ficmas: Day Five - Christmas Market

It’s that time of year again where I try to pump out a drabble or one-shot for each of the twelve days leading up to Christmas! I have a couple already written but some of them will be written by prompt and on request - I have a prompt list that I’ll reblog now, if you want to take a look - so bare with for any editing errors! Enjoy, my loves, and have a happy festive season :)

And quick note, if anyone prefers AO3, the link to my 2019 12 Days of Ficmas collection is here. x

Prompt: No. 17 - Person A losing Person B at a Christmas market and having to make an announcement over an intercom to reunite them again.

Request: Anon (thank you whoever you are!)

Ship(s): Betty Cooper x Jughead Jones

Rating: K

CW(s): N/A

Reindeer Games: Prancer - Parties

A/N: had a busy few days, this isn’t edited at all, please excuse any errors. I will look at it tomorrow. NOW EDITED

It had taken all of ten minutes for Jughead to disappear. 

Both him and Betty had gone to the Christmas market in the neighbouring town. Betty had been strategically making her way from stall to stall, appreciating the vendors’ work and produce. Jughead, on the other hand, had gotten over-excited at seeing a vinyl stall on the opposite side of the street; one second he was there, Betty looked down, and then he was gone.

This was typical of him, maybe Betty needed to get him a leash or at least a working phone. She had tried to call him five times already but it went straight through to voicemail, his battered mobile was constantly dying, not helped by the fact he tended to forget to charge it.

After searching for five minutes and not finding a single sign of Jughead, she turned to one of the stalls’ vendors who pointed towards a tall, official-looking man handing out flyers.

“I’ve lost someone, he has dark hair and is wearing a black beanie and a red jumper?” Betty asked the man, a sympathetic smile instantly appearing on his face.

“Sorry ma’am, I haven’t seen him but I can put a call out for him.” He placed the pile of papers on a small table at the entrance of the marker before shifting along to where a control board and microphone sat.

“No, there’s no-” Betty tried to protest but the man continued to insist.

“It’s really no trouble, ma’am, now what’s his name?”

“Uh, it’s Jughead Jones but he’s tw-” Betty was becoming frustrated with the man’s interrupting but did not want to shout at the stranger for only trying to help.

The man still did not listen to Betty, though, pressing a button which brought the current carol playing through the overhead speakers to a crackling end.

“Jughead Jones, Jughead Jones,” the man’s voice was projected loudly throughout the whole  market, “please make your way to the welcome desk or nearest official. This is for Jughead Jones.”

If Betty was embarrassed right then, she could not imagine how Jughead would be feeling. On the bright side, she did not think any of the other customers there knew them - hopefully that would save any further humiliation. She had only meant to ask if anyone had seen where he had gotten to not for someone to announce to the entire market that she had lost her boyfriend.

“Thank you, sir, but there was really no-”

“Ma’am, it’s fine. As a father, I know how worrying it can be when your child wanders off.”

She did not know why she even tried to correct him again but he interrupted her before she could get the first syllable out. No matter how she attempted to speak, he would not allow her to get a word in edgeways. 

“Now, you’ll be alright here for now, Mrs Jones? I just need to do something quickly. I’ll be back in ten minutes, if your son hasn’t returned then we can let the police know.”

The man patted her shoulder sympathetically before turning around and disappearing into the crowd, not waiting for her answer. Betty could only sigh, this was not going as she had expected.

She had all but begged Jughead to come with her to the market and, when he had finally relented, she promised they would only be a half hour tops, planning to buy some fudge, decorations, and possibly some gifts for their parents too. She had also expected to have to drag Jughead from stall to stall rather than for him to completely disappear within ten minutes of their arrival due to his puppy-like excitement.

Betty did not have to wait long though, as soon a sulking and slightly embarrassed Jughead Jones appeared through the crowds. She felt sorry for having him be called for through the intercom but he a) should not have disappeared on her, and b) should keep his phone charged. Despite her frustration, the pitiful pout that graced his lips when he spotted Betty threatened to send her into a bout of giggles - maybe she was enjoying his discomfort a little bit.

“There was a stall with vintage pieces.” was all he said in greeting, tightly clutching an oversized paper bag to his chest, the look of a petulant child still adorning his expression.

Natasha and Tony trying to keep their relationship secret on Thanksgiving but they are not fooling anyone, they are just pretending to see how far will they go.

The team has gathered in the Avengers compound for Thanksgiving dinner and everyone had tasks to do.

Steve and Wanda were in charge of cooking while Vision assisted them in preparing their ingredients.

Clint washed the dishes real-time to make sure they did not pile up by the end of the night, and collected trash around the kitchen.

Bruce, Rhodey and Thor worked on putting up decoration, mostly crawling and drape lights, in the common areas, also for the coming Christmas and New Year's.

Sam and Bucky were the errand boys. They did the grocery shopping after Wanda listed what they needed and also drove together to pick up the pastries FRIDAY was tasked to order from a nearby hotel.

Natasha took care of setting the table in the dining area and got a little help from Tony who was also doing the documentation - taking photos and videos of everyone - which FRIDAY would later compile for their viewing.

And while the genius-and-spy couple were performing their assignment, both could be commended for keeping themselves off of each other, despite the subtle glances. Tony and Natasha started officially and exclusively dating just a few days ago and heaven knew how difficult it was to stay feet apart when they actually wanted to curl up tangled on the couch instead. Why not, they had danced around their feelings for almost a year after she with Steve, Wanda, Sam and Bucky returned to the compound and signed the amended accords. They avoided each other, thinking that them together would just complicate their lives all the more... until they could not any longer. So now, they needed to keep a safe distance, else there would be sneaky hugs and kisses ending in either's room, like what has been happening the previous nights. Dining table would be left unmade and documentation not be completed.

No one in the team yet knew about them taking their relationship to the next level and they did not plan to keep it from them forever. Rather, it was a test of how long they can be discrete and go unnoticed by these superhumans around them.

Steve and Wanda finished cooking the main course almost the same time that Sam and Bucky got back with the desserts. Thor, Rhodey and Bruce set aside the last few decors they have not put up yet. Clint was the first one to go back to the rooms to change outfit and everyone followed.

Used to moving around quickly and having the least exhausting task, Tony finished freshening up ahead of anyone else. He decided to drop by Natasha's room and got in there quietly.

"Hey," he greeted coolly once he closed the door.

Natasha was brushing her hair in front of the mirror. "Too early to sneak in, lover boy."

He was behind her, snaking his arms around her small waist in no time. Instead of replying, he just smirked looking at her through their reflection before brushing his lips along her exposed shoulders to her jaw and cheeks.

"Tony... We need to be out there."

Her boyfriend hummed lazily and tightened his embrace. "Two minutes."

Natasha chuckled and turned to cup his face so they were staring straight at each other. "Impatient."

"You know it." He crossed their small distance, aiming for her lips when the resident AI spoke.

"Boss, Captain Rogers is looking for you and Natasha."

His sigh was heavy. "Dammit."

"Later, sweetheart." She was quick to straighten herself and stepped out of his arms to the door. "Let's go."

Without waiting for him to move, she went ahead to the dining area. Everyone was already there while Wanda and Steve started bringing out the dishes to the table.

"Where's Tony? He should take photos before Thor and I have our hands on these food," Clint commented which earned a laugh from the team.

"Here." Tony stepped towards the table to Natasha's side. And while everyone took their seats, he remained standing.

"You have something to say, Tones?" Rhodey asked, eyes on him as he looked like he was just waiting for the team to settle down.

"Yeah. I just have an announcement to make."

"Stark?" Natasha looked up to him, questioning what he was about to do with her tone. They have not discussed about making any announcement... Of course - because he thought about it barely two minutes ago.

"Tash and I are now exclusively dating." He blurted before his mind could change.

Clint's hand which held a glass of water stopped mid-air and his eyes shot at Tony then to Natasha.

"You're... together?" Wanda was the first to speak up, her lips starting to curve positively.

"For real?" Sam followed through.

Bucky nodded once with a closed-lip smile. Both Rhodey and Bruce looked around the others' reactions, shrugged and smiled, too.

"That's nice," Rhodey commented shortly.

Thor approached them as Natasha stood again by Tony's side.

"The two of you make a lovely couple, my friend," the Asgardian man-hugged the engineer before tilting his head to the agent.

"Well, that's something to be thankful for. Cheers?" Steve raised a wine glass and all followed through.

"Thanks, Cap." Tony acknowledged as he placed an arm over his girlfriend's shoulder to pull her closer.

"Thought we aren't doing this anytime soon?" Natasha smirked whispering to him.

"And what? I can't do anything I want to do with whoever I wanna do it with?"

She raised an eyebrow and before she can say anything more, he continued.

"By whoever," Tony moved to face her fully. "I meant you. Just you."

Natasha pulled him by his shirt's collars to kiss him in front of the team, unmindful of the noisy reactions around.

Right, they have waited long enough.

Always Waiting: The Cost of Never Being Done

Hi all,

I kept waiting for a time when I felt like I had time and energy to write and...surprise! It turns out that's not just around the corner when you have a chronic illness and are still working full time (not to mention trying to keep up a social life and maintain all your relationships). But I figure some information is better than none at all, so I'll get through what I can. 

You all remember (I think) that I went to Dana-Farber after my December CT scans showed significant growth of my primary tumor despite the metastatic sites holding steady. I came out of that meeting with two recommendations for clinical trials. One--my top pick--was being run out of Massachusetts General Hospital and Dana-Farber and involved an antibody-drug conjugate (IMMU-132) that has been shown to be super effective for triple-negative breast cancer but which got held up at the FDA approval stage. Doctors are pretty frustrated that the approval is still pending and that the only way to use it is on a trial, but there's hope that it might get approved in the next 6-9 months. The other is being run out of UPenn by the same doctor whose study I was on before and who I really like. It looks at the effect of chemo + an immunological agent vs. just chemo.

There were several reasons to prefer the MGH study (even though it would have necessitated traveling to Boston during the coldest months of the year), among them that I wouldn't have to endure chemotherapy as part of the trial. And it looked for a while as though I was going to be able to join it. It wasn't actively enrolling but there was a spot. I waited, in the days right before Christmas, to hear. And my doctors all worked hard, calling the PI and discussing the option of enrollment at either location. But it didn't work out. Another patient made exactly the same call I would have made--and I cannot fault them for that--and I am several places down on the waiting list. Spots open up when people leave the study, so presumably when their disease worsens or a better treatment option opens up. It only happens every couple of months. Doing the math, it seemed more likely that the drug would get approved by the FDA than that I would get to enroll.

I was pretty angry. And it was hard because there was no single person to be angry at. Not at my doctors, all of whom knew my preference, did all they could, and gave sincere apologies when it didn't work out. And not at the other patient who took the chance that I so hoped I'd be given. If anything, I was angry at the FDA for not approving the drug faster, or at whoever was funding the study for not allowing there to be more than 68 patients on it at any given time. The fact that groundbreaking, life-saving medical research is also a business constantly makes me angry. Sometimes it works in my favor (IMMU-132 will likely get fast-tracked on its second go through the FDA because someone will make money) and sometimes it doesn't (why fund more spots than you need on a clinical trial just because people want to be in it?).

So then there was more waiting. So much of having Stage 4 cancer is a waiting game. Waiting for promising new research directions. Waiting for that research to get funded. Waiting for those studies to enroll and complete. Waiting for FDA approval. Waiting for insurance approval. And, the biggest one by far, waiting to see if it works.

I was home for the holidays, not meant to see an oncologist until mid-January. A third option was proposed, which was staying on the study I had been doing with the PARP inhibitors but first doing a short course of radiation on the breast tumor. When I got home at New Year's I booked in to a radiology consultation, even though I felt a suspicion that it wasn't the best option. (Several oncologists told me that if the PARP inhibitors had stopped working on the initial tumor it was only a matter of time--and likely not much of it--before they stopped working on the metastatic sites too.) After spending nearly an hour with yet another very helpful doctor who had studied the whole history of my case (and a little bit of my research, once I told him what to Google) I saw that I was right. A tumor this size, he said, would only benefit from a pretty lengthy radiation course and we only had a grace period of 2 weeks for me to get back on the PARP study. He reminded me that it would be an option later and wishes me luck.

I'd like to pause here to do something I haven't done before and ask you all a favor. I understand exactly why this happens but please, to help me out, don't ask anymore about why I am not (yet) having surgery or radiation on the tumor. Yes, the primary tumor is the biggest and nastiest and pains me every day. You can be sure I'm also asking that question of my doctors, not only when there's a treatment change but when I tell them that it's hurting me. I know that it seems simplest to just cut it out (even if this means altering my body in a way that I am not eager to do) or try to shrink it. And I know that's why people ask. All the time. ALL the time. Unfortunately, it leaves me feeling defensive--do they not know that I have thought of this option every single day as I carry around the painful, swollen weight of a 6cm tumor?--and like I have to justify my decision. I imagine one or both those things will happen immediately. I have many (medical) reasons for not doing them yet. When I decide to do them, you will know and I will tell you more about why. But it would make me feel a lot better if I knew people weren't going to keep asking. Thank you.

Ok, back to what happened one I decided that radiation was out. Essentially, last week I officially consented to the study that's at Penn and that involves chemo. My first session will be on January 30th. I'll be going every 3 weeks. The agent I'm receiving is one of the oldest (carboplatin) and will be given in a higher dosage than when I went every week. This means it's likely to make me sicker. (The doctors did say that I'd feel worst on days 2-5 and better as the cycle wore on.) No one told me that people tolerate this one especially well and, having been so relatively lucky with side effects before, my worst-case-scenario brain assumes my luck will now be bad and that I will really struggle, lose all my hair, not be able to work, etc. Unhelpfully, although they can speak in averages, no one can predict how anyone will react to chemo. So just...wait. As usual.

To join the study, of course, there are a great many hoops all of which involve trips to Philly. I had a biopsy yesterday (Wednesday) and am spending tomorrow (Friday) getting CT and bone scans. There was an ongoing fight with my insurance company today when I got a phone call first thing in the morning telling me that they had canceled tomorrow's CTs because I didn't have authorization. Without authorization, no CT. Without a CT, no joining the study. Without joining the study, no starting chemo on time (lots of rearranging of my work and ride/support schedule). Lucky for me, my doctor's office was the one to do the calling and arguing. But it's frankly absurd to deny authorization for a CT scan to a documented Stage 4 cancer patient. I cannot even imagine what further information they would need for that one. And if I hadn't been joining a trial there would have been no rush and, likely, I would have been the one calling. The amount of admin involved in being chronically ill is frankly staggering. The end result, luckily, is that I am going in tomorrow.

And that's why I must get to bed. I know I make it sound like swinging by the hospital for a biopsy is no big deal - it's an outpatient procedure with only local anesthetic! I ate Shake Shack afterwards and went to work today! But, in fact, it's stressful to the body as well as the spirit to be on an operating table, numbed up with local anesthetic, and pierced in the lymph node or breast by an ultrasound-guided needle ten times (because you are doing so many studies and they all need research samples). The scans tomorrow will be easier - all I have to do is not eat beforehand, drink barium, lie in an x-ray contraption while having contrast dye injected through the port that's plumbed into my artery...then take a break before being injected with a radioactive tracer that will infuse my bones for a couple hours until I lie perfectly still and have them imaged. Easy, right?

I like to say that this stuff is no big deal--that it's just a lot of waiting in different places. And that's true, to an extent. The CTs don't hurt and they aren't physically demanding (although I'm not great at drinking that much barium milkshake that fast). The bone scan is kind of cool and I plan to wear my "Biohazard" t-shirt. But my normalization of the massive apparatus surrounding being ill and my incorporation of it into my everyday life does, I think, minimize the physical as well as emotional toll I pay each time I have a test or treatment. Not only are those reminders of the insidious disease that has taken so much of my life from my control--I'm not even thinking about that consciously most of the time--it's just all so relentless. There's always another call to make, appointment to keep, symptom to track, bill to pay, person to text or call. I am never, ever done.

On that last item, I do often feel burdened with guilt. I want support, but don't feel that I can always pay it back in the form of updates or thanks to those who so generously give it. But I do hope you all know that I'm here, appreciating each and every piece of it that I get. Social media may not be great for some things but it is wonderful for the small kindnesses that can buoy me up on a tougher day. This has been one, so I'm off to bed. But I send you gratitude and love.

Bex

Can’t Be Unseen Chapter 4

Sal Fisher x Reader

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

AO3

Chapter Summary: You attend a holiday party and you consider abandoning ship.

The week leading up to the party at Sal’s place wasn’t anything exciting. You spent most of it either catching up on your sleep or hanging out in the basement with Larry, Sal, and whoever else was around at the time. It wasn’t exciting, but it was normal which is all you could have hoped for after everything that happened. Sure, you still found yourself harboring feelings for your friend but it was more tolerable now. You still held yourself back from flirting too hard for him, but when anyone else was around it was a lot easier. 

“Hey, your dad need any decorations for the party?” you asked one evening as you all huddled around the tv, none of you paying much attention. “My parents have so many Christmas decorations they don’t have room to put out, I’m sure they’d be happy to lend it to someone else.” 

“I’ve never seen anyone act more like a cheesy holiday special like your parents.” Larry said, shoving some popcorn in his mouth. “It’s almost creepy how much they try to push the holiday spirit.” 

You just shrugged. “They met and fell in love during the holidays, so they really are the living embodiment of every bad holiday rom com.” 

“Got any decorations that aren’t strictly Christmas?” Sal asked. “Dad’s trying to be more inclusive.” 

“Oh yeah, we got tons of general winter stuff. Plus my uncle’s wife is Jewish, so we have an alarming number of dreidels and star of David’s for a house that doesn’t even go to church. Larry stop hogging the popcorn!” you scold, pulling the half-eaten bowl away from your friend. 

“Come on, I’m hungry!” he pouted. 

“You’re stoned.” Sal corrected. 

“Puff puff pass includes more than the joint, Larry. You gotta share the snacks, too.” you laughed at him and threw an unpopped kernel at him. 

“It’d actually be helpful if you could bring some decorations.” Sal said, pushing some popcorn under his mask. “I love my dad but he’s really bad at this kind of thing. I think it was actually Lisa’s idea.” 

“Yeah, my mom’s been doing the decorating for Addison Apartments for about 10 years now.” Larry chimed in. “Sometimes they give her a budget for it, but most of the time she’d had to reuse old stuff that’s fallen apart.” 

“My parents go wild for post-holiday sales so we should have some sturdy things lying around. I’ll see what I can dig up.”

...

LarryFace: who else is coming to the party?

SallyFace: us, Ashley and her new girlfriend, Todd, Neil, Chug, Maple, your mom uh...

LarryFace: that’s a lot of highschoolers for a holiday party your dad wants to throw

SallyFace: yeah but I think its cause he wants me to be a normal teen and have a normal party for once. I didn’t even start celebrating my birthday until I moved here

LarryFace: wait really? I had no idea. 

SallyFace: yeah theres also a chance hes using this as a way to fake a surprise party for me

LarryFace: SallyFace is gonna finally be 18, i’m so proud. No more having to lie on porn sites that youre an adult!

SallyFace: ha ha and did I mention ha? 

...

You spend most of Friday digging through the large tubs of old decorations that your parents hadn’t put out, picking out what would be the best and easiest to bring upstairs to Sal’s place. You couldn’t help but shake your head, when it came to winter decorations, your parents were borderline hoarders. Really, you were doing them a solid by going through all this stuff and throwing out broken decorations or unsafe looking Christmas lights. 

The past 3 years that you lived in the apartments, come winter time you always knew which window was yours when looking outside the building. Your parents always insisted on some sort of light up winter decoration, as they didn’t have a house to fully blow the power out on every December. It was one of the few things you humored them on. You didn’t want your own personal tree in your room, but you could live with a snowman waving out at anyone who happened to be on the street. 

After filling a small tub with enough decorations, you looked at the clock and cursed to yourself. It was already 4 pm and you told Sal that you’d be their early to help set up! That didn’t give you much time to get ready. 

You rushed through your routine of getting ready, changing into your favorite comfortable outfit and topping it with a Santa hat to keep it festive. Despite the rush job, you had to admit to yourself that you looked pretty damn good. It had been a while since you had dressed up for yourself, without worrying about wanting to impress anyone. This was you, and you liked it. 

Shoving keys in your pocket, you ran to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of apple cider that your parents had bought. 

Have fun at your party! We’ll be out late recreating the first night we met!

Which you decided to translate to “gone boning for the weekend, don’t die”. Gross, but at least you go the place to yourself for the next few days. 

With everything in hand, you finally made your way to the elevator and towards the Fisher apartment. Henry was the one to open the door and let you in, thanking you for lending him the decorations. 

“These are from my parents.” you added, handing over the bottles of cider. 

“Alright, now it’s a rager!” Larry laughed from the kitchen while his mom laughed. Looks like they came here early as well to help out. From where you stood, you could see that Larry was also wearing a Santa hat with the word ‘naughty’ on it. 

“Do you want to give me a hand with the decorations?” Lisa asked, still managing to be in work mode even on her day off. “I’m sure we can make this place look real special for tonight.” 

“Is anything special specifically happening?” Asked Sal, his head facing your direction. 

“Nope, it’s just a nice little holiday party for our sons and their friends.” Lisa replied. 

“So I should ignore the cake that my dad brought home and is hiding somewhere?” Sal asked with a small laugh. 

“You sure should if you don’t want to be smacked with a broom.” Lisa scolded playfully. 

“She’ll do it too, dude.” chimed in Larry. 

Sal held his hands up in defeat. “I understand, this is just a regular holiday party that just happens to fall very close to my actual birthday and the fact that you had me invite all of my friends and none of yours it just a coincidence.” 

“Now you’re getting it, son!” Henry laughed. 

With your decorations, Lisa’s eye for making things work, and Larry’s tallness, by the time 6 rolled around, the apartment looked awesome. There were strands of lights hanging all around, food on the counter and table, and Larry was setting up a tape deck to play music. From the corner of your eye you saw Larry remove a green and red tape and Sal putting in an older more beat up tape. They pressed play and you were a little surprised to hear generic holiday music play. Larry caught you eye and gave you a wink that made you feel like something was gonna happen later. 

Todd and Neil were the first to arrive, not surprising as Todd lived in the building as well. You and Neil had English together but had never really talked before, but Todd was really happy with him and that’s all that mattered. 

Ashley arrived next with her new girlfriend, Jamie. She was pretty cute and bubbly and excited to meet and talk to everyone. You swear that when it was your turn to talk that you went through five different topics in three minutes before the bounced to the next person. Jamie sure was energetic, but she’d always bounce back to Ashley to give her a kiss on the cheek or check on her. It was too damn adorable really. 

The arrival of Chug and Maple surprised everyone. They showed up late, citing that he’d been waiting for Maple to arrive, but that wasn’t what surprised everyone. What was surprising was him and Maple holding hands as they walked in. 

“We’ve been dating for a few weeks,” explained Maple. “I just didn’t wanna make it public until I thought it was solid.” 

You were happy for the two of them, but you were starting to see a pattern with the guest list. Was this a holiday party or a Valentines party? You found yourself glancing at Lisa who leaned over to give Henry a quick peck on the cheek before moving some chairs around. 

“They also made it official with us right after Thanksgiving.” Sal said, watching his dad and Lisa. “I’m really happy for them.” 

“Yeah, me and Sal have a master plan to make them get married so that we can be one big family.” Larry explained. “Total Parent Trap material.” 

“Seems more like an It Takes Two to me.” you offered up. 

“So Sal,” Larry said, looking around the party. “Why didn’t you tell me that this was a hook-up party? Looks like everyone brought a date but us.” 

Sal shrugged. “I didn’t really plan for it to be, looks like everyone just got together at once.” 

Larry suddenly slung his arm around your shoulder. “Well if that’s the case then I call dibs on this one.” 

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “Do I get a say in this at all? Come on Larry, at least pretend to romance me.”

“You’re hot, lets date.” Larry replied, and you couldn’t help but fake a swoon. 

“I’m won over instantly. I’m changing all my relationship statuses to ‘taken’. You are clearly my soulmate.” The three of you couldn’t stop laughing. 

“Wait, that means I’m the only one here without a date at my own not-birthday party.” Sal suddenly realized. 

“Sounds like a bad song from the 50’s.” 

“At least I still have Gizmo?” Sal replied half-heartedly. 

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that, dude.” Larry said looking over at Todd and Neil where Gizmo was enjoying the attention from the two of them. 

“He only loves you for your pets and food!” Sal called over to them in fake hurt. 

“Tough break, Sal.” you said. “But hes’ got the right idea. I’m also hungry and constantly wanting attention.”

“On it!” Larry said, removing his arm from around you and running off towards the kitchen. You were confused for a moment, looking at Sal questioningly. He just shrugged, and a moment later, Larry was back with a plate of food in one hand as his other draped back around your shoulder. 

“Food? Check. Attention? Check.” Larry said with a smile. “I’m totally nailing this boyfriend thing.”

You snorted. “Boyfriend already? It just seems like five minutes ago you asked me on our first date. Oh where has the time gone?” 

“It was more like three minutes ago.” Sal replied, stealing a cookie from the plate in Larry’s hand. You followed his lead and shoved one in your mouth as well. 

“Details, man, details.” 

As the night continued on, Larry didn’t let up on the whole ‘boyfriend’ act. It was a little confusing but you found yourself not completely minding the attention. He kept his arm around you, called you really stupid pet names and always made sure that there was food on your plate. You had to admit for a moment that it felt nice to have someone else putting in the effort for once. You were usually the one to pay attention to the little details, to move things forward, to think of things that you and a possible significant other to do together but to have someone do the same in return? It just felt nice. 

So nice that you continued playing along, and with you on board did Larry crank it up to eleven. It even started to feel more like a challenge- who could out-date the other one? He called you a pet name? You threw an over the top compliment back. Larry got you more food? You hand fed him from the plate. It was absolutely disgusting, and you were loving every minute of it. 

Of course, every relationship has its ups and downs. Larry complimented Sal on his ugly holiday sweater by calling it ‘the sexiest thing he’d ever seen’ and it was only logical that you faked offence and dumped him on the spot. Heartbroken, Larry had no choice but to try and rebound with Sal, who was having absolutely none of this nonsense. However, when you were done with your soda, you realized the error of your ways and begged him to take you back and also please get you another drink. 

Before the end of the night, you and Larry would have broken up 3 times, gotten engaged, called off a wedding, and had announced that you two were going to elope. It was all very stupid and very dramatic. 

But before that, it was time for the cake to be brought in. Lisa cut the lights and Henry walked in with a large cake with two candles that had 18 on them. 

“Happy birthday, Sal!” Henry said to his son, and Sal shook his head a bit. 

“Wow, what a surprise that I did not see coming. At all. I’m super surprised!” Sal said with a slight laugh in his voice. 

Larry was the first to start singing Happy Birthday, and it was only when everyone was done that everyone realized that maybe this wasn’t the most well thought-out plan. 

Sal, taking it in stride, took a deep breath and blew.

Of course, nothing happened as he was still wearing his prosthetic which blocked his mouth. 

“Oh, maybe we could-” started Lisa, when she was interrupted by a sudden change of music. The pleasant generic holiday songs suddenly swapped over to what you think was a heavy metal cover of Jingle Bell Rock. 

Larry jumped up and moved away starting to thrash his head back and forth. Sal took the moment of confusion to unstrap the bottom of his prosthetic and blow out the candles before strapping it back on. He was next to get up and run over to Larry and start headbanging. 

You suddenly remembered seeing Larry and Sal switch the tape earlier. You wondered if they planned on this during the cake or it if it was just a coincidence. It didn’t matter much though as Ashley and Chug also got up and joined the headbanging, Jamie was quick to follow. You looked over at Todd and Neil who shrugged, Todd setting his glasses carefully on the table and also joining in. 

There was no way that Lisa and Henry had intended a yuletide holiday mini-pit for Sal’s birthday, but there they were. It was quite the site to see all these high schoolers banging their heads in their ugly sweaters and Santa hats for three minutes straight. Lisa quickly pulled out a camera and took a snapshot of everyone which was bound to be blurry with all the movement but it was okay. 

At some point during the song your Santa hat flew off, but you didn’t care. The rush of adrenaline spending this moment with your friends was enough. When the song ended, it abruptly went back to the soothing holiday music from before. Larry and Sal were laughing hard and high fiving each other. 

“And how long had you been planning that?” asked Lisa. 

“Ab... about two days.” laughed Larry. 

“We didn’t plan on it happening during the cake, just kinda happened that way.” added Sal. “Couldn’t have picked a better time though.” 

“At least you guys didn’t knock anything over.” Henry said with an amused smile. “Was everyone in on it?” 

“Nope, just us. Having everyone join was just an added bonus.” Larry reached down and handed you back a Santa hat. You noticed that his had been flung off as well. 

Lisa cut the cake for everyone and Henry pulled out a gift for Sal- a vinyl copy of Sanitys Fall first single. You felt a little bad that you hadn’t brought anything for Sal, but considering no one else had known that this was a surprise party (well, except the birthday boy, ironically) it was okay. You mentally made a note to get him something or do something special for him later. 

Cake time was filled with small talk and a relaxed atmosphere. Larry fed you a bite of cake, but in typical fashion it looked like he was trying to shove half a slice in your mouth instead. It took you a good minute to finally chew it up, followed by a few huge gulps of your drink. The whole thing was dumb, but it was all in good fun. 

Once everyone had their fill of cake, Henry announced that it was movie time and everyone else wondered back to the sitting area. 

Larry sat next to you on the couch, his arm wrapping around your waist. Even though the night had been filled with playful teasing and flirting, there was something about having him so close in the dimly lit room that felt a little more... intimate. Every flirt and touch tonight had been something of a joke for everyone’s enjoyment, a good goof to make everyone else laugh. Not this though, in the light of the tv that Henry was setting up, it was a gesture for just the two of you. 

Your hips were pressed against Larry’s, and his arm was around your waist and it felt like something a real couple should be doing. You looked around to confirm it; Chug had his arm around Maples shoulders on the other side of the room and Todd was holding hands with Neil. Your heart was starting to beat faster and you felt your face heating up, suddenly glad that it was dark in the apartment. 

This really wasn’t like you, to get so flustered. You were used to being in control of situations like this, but Larry had suddenly thrown you off your game. He had created a tension between you two and you could tell that he was feeling it too, whatever it was. 

The best way to take back the situation, you decided, was to just lean into it. Enjoy the attention from your (admittedly) attractive friend and for the next 45 minutes, just pretend that this on-going gag between the two of you was real. Maybe it’d even distract you from your lingering feelings for-

Sal plopped next to you on the couch. Ah, yes, of course, why would anything be easy? Nope, you were going to ignore the blue haired boy next to you and watch this cheesy holiday special, and not think about how last week he held you while you cried. 

Ah, fuck. This was gonna be a very long hour, wasn’t it? 

The first few minutes were a slog to get through, as you mind wouldn’t let you focus on anything but the two boys who you were sitting between. It got easier as the plot picked up though, soon you found yourself able to focus all of your attention to the television. At least until you felt something heavy press against your shoulder. 

Prosthetic slightly askew, the side of Sal’s head was pressing limply against you. Sal was completely conked out against your shoulder and you had no idea what to do. As much as you had joked about wanting to be between these two boys, this wasn’t exactly what you had in mind. 

You glanced at Larry, hoping that he could help you out, but he was engrossed in the movie, not paying any attention to the fact that his best friend had fallen asleep on his fake-girlfriend. Looking at Sal, you considered nudging him awake, but remembering how hard it was for him to fall asleep most nights anyway stopped you. Who were you to prevent him from getting some much needed sleep? He was probably still messed up from some of the all-nighters during testing. 

The thumping in your chest felt so loud as if everyone should be able to hear it. Even worse, you couldn’t tell if your heart was pounding for Sal or Larry. You still liked Sal, that much was true. Getting over Sal was a slow process, some days you’d be okay with just his friendship but some days you still found yourself daydreaming about being more. Shutting down those feelings were never easy, but they were necessary. 

With Larry it was always an easy friendship, and you had to admit that you found the greasy stoner look more attractive than you should have. Plus the attention he had been giving you all night had been so nice. 

What did that really mean? Yes, the attention was nice but was it nice because it came from Larry or would you be feeling this way about anyone who paid attention to you right now? You tried to imagine someone else in Larry’s place. Chug? It didn’t feel right with Chug but that felt more because you didn’t feel comfortable daydreaming about anyone with a significant other. 

Damn, that was almost everyone in your friend group by this point. Why did this have to be so confusing? On top of all that, you didn’t even know what was going through Larry’s head right now. As far as you knew, this was still just part of the joke and you were now the punchline. 

Something warm snapped you back into reality, making your head spin. Larry’s thumb was rubbing small circles on your hip idly, sending small sparks up your spine. Now he was just playing dirty at a game you weren’t sure you knew all the rules to. 

Between the two boys who you found very attractive it was starting to get very warm in more ways than you wanted to admit. You were going to need a long shower after this, and you weren’t sure if it was going to be a warm or cold one at this point. 

Your mind continued to wrestle with itself for the rest of the movie until the end credits rolled. Larry got up without a beat and announced that he needed to use the bathroom, leaving you to deal with the still passed out birthday boy on your shoulder. A few months ago you would have been thrilled to be his pillow and let him sleep for as long as he wanted, but now it felt wrong to have him so close. 

“Sal, you’re drooling on me.” You said quietly, nudging him awake. Sal sat up, taking a moment to remember what was going on before adjusting his prosthetic. 

“Ah, sorry about that.” he said. 

“No worried, I’m gonna go help Lisa and Henry clean up.” you told him before quickly moving to the kitchen where the two adults were putting away food and taking down some of the decorations that you had lent. 

“Thanks again for the decorations and helping set up.” Henry said before waving goodbye to Chug and Maple who were headed out. 

“It’s no problem. Like I said, my parents love the holidays. Half this stuff wasn’t gonna get put up at our place anyway. 

As the rest of the guests filled out it was just you, the boys, and the adults left to clean up the party. It was quiet, but not uncomfortably so between the five of you. You were looking forward to going back to your place and having some quiet time away from boys. 

“I think that’s the last of your decorations.” Lisa said, setting the box on the counter. “Lar-bear we’re almost done here. Why don’t you help her carry those back to her apartment then you’re free to go.”

So much for having some time alone to think. You were about to protest and say that you could handle taking it back on your own, but Larry was already lifting the box. 

“Great party, Sally Face.” Larry said, giving his best friend a fist bump. 

“Glad you two could make it.” Sal replied, before leaning in and giving you a quick hug. 

These boys were so good at playing dirty it wasn’t even funny. 

“Thanks for the invite. See you all later!” you said with a smile and followed Larry out into the hallway. There was an awkward tension between the two of you still, he hadn’t said much to you since the beginning of the movie, and as much as you wanted to ask him about his arm around your waist earlier, you were worried that bringing it up would make things worse. 

“So where’d you find that Jingle Bell Rock cover?” you asked, trying to change the mood as you two got into the elevator. 

“I found the tape while looking through my dad’s old music collection.” Larry replied. “I was wondering why he had a tape of generic holiday music and just stumbled onto it.” 

“Ah, I see.” You wanted to smack your head. Way to accidentally bring up his disappeared dad. Good job. The awkward tension returned to full force for those few long moments between exiting the elevator and entering your apartment. You flipped on your light switch and the apartment lit up like a Christmas tree. In fact it lit up the actual Christmas tree in the middle of your living room, along with strings of lights all over the apartment. 

“What the fuck...?” Larry started.

“I know.”

“I knew your parents were into-”

“I know.”

“You weren’t kidding at all.”

“I knooooow.”

“Actually I think you downplayed it.”

“Yes Larry, as I have stated, I know.”

Larry set down the box of decorations next to the door and invited himself in to look around. The whole living room looked like something out of a Hallmark movie, with silver and gold decorations all over the place. Snowflakes were plastered over the walls, garland was draped over every window, and along the wall hanging over the tv were three hand-decorated stockings, each carefully customized for you and your parents. Larry was looking over them with a slightly confused expression. 

“It’s a tradition for my family.” you explained. “We’ve used the same stockings every year since I was born. Each year we get to pick a pin or a decoration or something to add on to the stocking that we feel defines our year. The only rule is that we have to keep it winter themed, so it can get pretty abstract.”

“That’s... kinda fuckin’ neat.” Larry said, looking over your stocking. “Care to share with the class?” 

You looked over the stocking and pointed to a very small present box that was hot glued on. “Okay, so I added that when I was about fifteen right? So when I was a kid I was a total space cadet and had a lot of trouble making and keeping friends because I was very introverted.”

“You? Introverted?” Larry said with a surprised tone. 

“We moved around a lot.” You shrugged. “I guess I got used to being by myself to the point where I stopped making an effort. But anyway, this was the year I moved here and met you and Sal and Ash. Between the three of you, I felt more grounded. Plus my parents promised that this was the last time we were moving so anyway, long story short, I glued that gift box on my stocking because I felt more... present.”

“That was terrible but also so fucking adorable I don’t even think I can be mad at it.” Larry said with a straight face. 

You shrugged. “You guys are the best friends I’ve ever had.” 

Larry moved away from the stockings and looked around the decorations more. You were more than happy to point out which ones held the most sentimental value and which were bargain bin decorations that your parents just had to have. 

“And what’s with the frog?” He asked suddenly, pointing up at a stuffed frog hanging above your head. It was green with a santa hat with thick red lips. Your heart suddenly sped up to sonic speeds as you realized where you two were standing. 

“It’s not a frog.” you said quietly. 

“I think I know a frog when I see one.” 

“It’s a toad.”

“What’s the diff-”

“A mistle-toad.”

Larry let out a groan at the pun. “Do all of your decorations have a terrible pun attached to them?”

“I don’t wanna hear that from you.” You laughed. “You’re like the king of terrible puns.” 

“Yeah but I don’t deserve this kind of punishment.”

“...Pun-ishment.” 

“Don’t start.” 

“I swear it was pun-intentional.” you continued. 

“Oh my god, shut up.”

“Make me.”

There are fewer words known to up any sexual tension between two people than the combination of ‘shut up’ followed by ‘make me’. Those two phrases alone can change the course of an entire relationship between two people. 

“Okay.” 

What?

Larry reached out and placed a hand on your lower back, pulling you closer to him. He stopped for a moment, as if to give you a chance to pull away or make any indication that you didn’t want what was about to happen to happen. You found yourself unable to move any way but forward into your friend, which he took as a sign to go ahead. 

‘He has enough nose for both him and Sal.’ you found yourself thinking.

His lips were warm and slightly chapped against yours but it was far from unpleasant. Warmth spread throughout your body and in the back of your head a small voice said that tonight's shower was gonna be a cold one. Your hands found his hips and you felt the cold metal of his wallet chain against your warm hands for a moment. The kiss was in a weird limbo where though it was more chaste, there was a hint of wanting more from both sides. 

You were about to give into the side of you that wanted more when Larry pulled back, his cheeks a bit red. 

“I gotta admit, I’ve kinda wanted to do that all night.” he said quietly, taking you by surprise. 

“Do... you like me?” you asked, hands still on his hips. 

“I don’t know.” he admitted. “I mean, you’re really funny and easy to talk to and you look really hot tonight. I’m gonna be completely honest, I’m definitely thinking with my dick right now more than anything.”

You found yourself smiling up at him, feeling a little relieved. If Larry had admitted to having any feelings for you right then, you weren’t sure if you could handle it, but if your close attractive friend was just wanting to kiss you, that was okay, right?

He took a step back. “I’m sorry. That was probably a bad idea. I know you’re still dealing with the whole Sally Face thing and this isn’t helping-” 

“Larry, do you wanna make-out?” you asked. He looked at you in surprise and you gave him a small smirk. “Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right?” 

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna complicate our friendship or make anything weird between us.”

“I won’t catch feelings if you don’t.” you said, lowering your voice a little. 

He stared at you for a moment before grabbing your hand and dragging you over to the couch. “Oh fuck yes.” were the last words he said before pulling you into another kiss.     

Next Chapter

Author Note: Sal x Reader is still end game. 

Wonderwall Chapter 5

Keanu Reeves x Reader.

“Today was gonna be the day, but they’ll never throw it back to you.” - Oasis 

9 months later 

It feels like ten years when it hasn’t even been one. Ten years since I heard her laugh. A decade since I hugged her. More than that since I’ve received as much as a phone call. I know it hasn’t been that much, in reality, it’s only been nine months. Nine very long months. I miss her. I wish I hadn’t said what I did.

Tossing my head into the back of the sofa, I sigh loudly at the thought of how that morning went down. The mortified, pained look on her face when I compared her to a broken puppy. How could I have even done that? Since then, it’s been added to the list of things I regret, the list of people I’ve let down. Lately, that list feels far to long. 

That’s something I’d probably call Y/n about. We would have talked for hours. Or at least I would have. She was always there when the days seemed darkest, when I feel like I’m at my worst. She’d listen for hours, knowing that I didn’t want her to fix me, that I just needed someone to say they cared. No, not just someone, lots of people can say it, lots of people have said it. I need to hear her say it. “I’m always here Ke, I love you even if you don’t think you deserve it.”

I don’t, not anymore. Her love was plutonic, but now I’d give anything for that instead of sitting in my house, on my birthday, all alone. I really miss her. 

My life feels emptier without her friendship. I never thought one woman could have such an impact on me. I also never thought I’d be stupid enough to lose her. It seems like I’ve been wrong about lots of things.

As I continue to wallow, the formerly cold beer warming in my grip, the day stretches on and I begin to lose track of time. This is officially the worst birthday ever. I’m not sure how long I sit there for, but eventually, I’m startled out of my self pity by the sound of the doorbell. Whoever is there rings it once and then again when I’m almost at the door, a couple minutes later. “Coming,” I grumble. 

When I finally pull the door open, the culprit’s finger hovers over the doorbell, about to ring it again. They don’t upon seeing me. It’s the last person I expected at my doorstep, though the one I wanted see the most.

Y/n.

Keanu pulls the door open, and when we’re finally face to face, he seems surprised to see me. He looks better than I remember him, though there’s a little more grey in his beard. His jaw slackens in shock and his eyes are wide. I guess his surprise should be expected, we haven’t spoken in months. “Hey,” I smile softly. I’m not sure if it’s still okay for me to hug him. In fact, I don’t even know if I’m still welcome here.

“Hey,” he mirrors, his lips quiver as if he wants to speak but isn’t sure of what he should say. “Y/n...” he whisper’s my name so lowly that its barely audible.

“Happy Birthday,” before I can register what’s happening, Keanu pulls me into a rib crack hug that thankfully, doesn’t actually crack my ribs. My arms find their way around his neck and when he straightens up, I’m lifted off the floor. I laugh quietly and eventually, as our hug ends, he’s smiling too.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he smiles, still sounding surprised. “Come in,” Keanu steps back, waving me inside.

As I enter, he leads me to the living room, offering me a beer, which I accept. “It’s you’re birthday, you know I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” And I have something to tell you.

Keanu looks hesitant, and I understand why when he speaks next, “Even after....that,” he looks down at our hands as I relive the bottle from his grip, “ I’m sorry about that by the way. It wasn’t my place to-”

“No, it’s fine. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I think we both said some shitty things that morning.” Keanu’s smile grows sad and wistful. “Water under the bridge, yeah?”

“Yeah,” again he pulls me into a hug. When we pull apart again, he asks if we should move our reunion to his backyard. The view of the hills from there is spectacular.

We talk for what feels like hours, catching each other up on our lives and after a while, I think Keanu notices that there’s something weighing on my mind and he asks if I’m okay. “Yeah,” I reply quietly, feigning an expression of assurance. I try to smile but my nerves get the better of me and I think I barely manage it.

“You want to say something,” Keanu declares and gives my a look of reassurance that he’s so good at. “I know it’s been a while, but you can always tell me anything.” God, it’s the way he says anything, with such certainty, like he believes it even when I can’t. How do I say this after the very thing I want to tell him was the reason we stopped speaking in the first place?

Inhaling deeply, it feels like my insides shake and I take a long swing of my beer. Before I speak next, I take one last look at him, trying to commit his smallest features to memory, worried that this might tear us a part for good. He always hated Jacob, I always knew it. Neither of us ever said anything. “I’m getting married,” the words finally fall of my lips, in a breathless, hurried phrase that leaves Keanu cocking his head to the side.

The world is slowing and the breath feels like its been punched out of me. I’m not sure if I remember how to vocalize the words that are swimming around in my brain. She’s getting what? Married? To who? God, it’s Jacob isn’t it? Y/n looks at me expectantly waiting for a response. Do I have one? I’m not sure. This must be why she was so nervous.

Fucking say something Reeves!

After the internal strife is more or less over and I move into a phase of pure shock, all I manage to croke is, “What?” When she repeats her earlier statement it’s a little slower and still, I can’t think up an appropriate response. In fact, all I can think is that one of my worst fears is being realized, I’m losing Y/n for good. My one chance was on New Years day in her apartment and all I had done was hurt her. Maybe this is a fitting punishment, for what I said and for being to scared to put myself out there.

After what feels like an eternity, I finally summon up, “Congratulations. Jacob’s really lucky.” He is, not a lot of people can mistreat a woman as wonderful as Y/n and still have the pleasure of keeping her.

Her cheeks go red and her eyes shine as she reaches over to hug me. I can’t believe it, this is the only way that I'll ever be able to hold her. My fantasies were just that, things I convinced myself would be real one day but will never really happen. “Thank you,” she breaths into my neck, still holding my arms as we a part, “You’ll be there right?”

“Of course,” as I fake a smile I hope my face doesn’t gave away my true feelings. It hurts, a lot. “When is it?” Great, now it’s like I’m asking her to shoot me.

Y/n smiles softly. It funny cause I’d always pictured her being more excited at the prospect of her wedding. “December, just before Christmas in Colorado. Jacob’s family has a ski resort, so we’re having it there,” Y/n turns to look over the hills, the setting sun casting a warm orange hue on her face. She looks fierce and unattainable as she muses quietly; “A winter wedding.”

I grab the guard rail, following her absent gaze, “You always talked about getting married in Upstate New York, during spring.” I know her well enough to know that. She’d say that there would be so much flowers that they wouldn’t even have to buy any and the reception would be held outside, near a serene lake tucked away in Derby. Everything would be simple and elegant, fairy lights hanging in the trees, her in the kind of dress that flowed in the wind and the ceremony over looking the scenic water, just past noon. I had listened to her detail the parts of her perfect wedding for hours, and at some point, unconsciously, her fantasies became mine. The wedding she talked about now was the complete opposite of everything she wanted. 

Y/n laughs nervously, “I know I always said that. But Jacob wants this week long event where the wedding party takes a ski trip and we get married on the balcony while it’s snowing. You know? He wants it to be perfect.”

“And what do you want?” I asked quietly.

My question seems to have thrown her and it takes her a while before she answer, her smile sadder than before, “To be happy.”

*****

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