Hello

First of all, I wanna say I got into dndads because of you and that got me into the dnd rabbit hole. I have always been interested in worldbuilding and the imaginary people in my head. I thought about writing books but I could never think of the end of a story. This has given me a possible structure to put them in. In DnD the story doesn't have to end. Thank you for that.

Previously you had posted or reblogged free dnd 5e resources, books. Or if you know any blogs that are helpful for beginner DMs, please recommend them.

If you can't find the post please ignore this.

Thank you for leading me down this wonderful path.

hi there!!! i'm so so thrilled to see this, and i'm honored to have introduced you to one of my favorite pastimes!! 🥹 dndads is such a fun podcast too - i always recommend it to anyone, dnd players or otherwise lol.

as for resources, here's what i have!

i do have a google drive link with all the official wizard of the coast books and pdfs (including 5e players handbooks, etc) but i will direct message those to you separately since it's, you know. wizards of the coast. (others can also feel free to message me for them)

here are a bunch of character sheet organized by character class

here's a super handy cheat sheet to remind you of everything that can be done on a turn

here's a folder with a bunch of unofficial fan-made resources - this includes pre-made mini campaigns and adventure modules, which i've used a lot. you can take one and modify it however much you need to fit your story. there's also a bunch of DM resources like random item generators, loot tables, puzzles, etc.

donjon random generators & map builders are the BEST for quickly creating encounters that are balanced, mapped, and full of loot

here's a random npc generator i've used a lot - perfect for when a player decides they want to know the entire life story of a shop keeper that didn't exist 2 seconds ago

medieval fantasy city generator is literally the most fun city / town / village map builder i've found

fantasy world map generator is also great if you've got a larger world to work on, you can do political maps, terrain, war maps, climate maps, p much anything all in one

aaaaand those are all the big ones i use most often! i usually use Trello to organize my DM notes and Roll20 to play with my friends virtually. if you need anything else specific feel free to reply here or send me a DM and I'll see what I've got :)

Vegebul headcanons: Vegeta fell for Bulma first

So lots of ppl in fanfic often write Bulma falling for Vegeta first. I see it the other way around.

The ship explodes while he's training, and he suddenly has all this downtime he never had while serving under Freeza. They've had surface-level conversations before, gotten at each other's throats over alien-human misunderstandings as well as serious moral and/or experiential differences. But while he's recovering, he gets a bit stir-crazy and just...finds himself around Bulma rather often, and they actually start to get to know each other.

Bulma finds him dark and mysterious---fascinating to her in an almost scientific way because he's so like a human but so different at the same time. She admires his tenacity; though he would never characterize himself as a victim, she knows he's faced grief and hardship, and carrying on with such clarity of purpose anyway is heartening in a way. Meanwhile, Vegeta just doesn't understand why this woman insists on talking to him, making sure he takes care of himself... He can understand her providing gear and housing---she and her friends need him for the upcoming battle. But the interest, openness, and basic kindness she displays baffles him, especially when he is a sworn enemy of Kakarot's. With Nappa and Raditz things were always complicated. So many roles and expectations with him being their prince. But with this Earth woman, there are no expectations at all. So he doesn't know what to do with her.

He won't let himself think of her as beautiful even if his eyes linger on her. He has just seen so few women like her. Certainly, he's never spent so much time with one either. Always on his way to a new planet. No real friends or consistency of any kind. That's not to say he regards her as a friend. Of course not. He tells himself that she's useful. She has resources, power. And she pursues her own ends with intensity and fearlessness---saiyan qualities he understands.

And then she's in his thoughts day and night. He thinks of her scent or her voice when he's trying to train, when he's lying awake and can't sleep. That sparkle in her eyes when he challenges her, but it doesn't shake her in the slightest. Her laugh, her little touches. He's head over heels for her long before they have sex, but he has no context for feelings like that. He just feels like he's losing his mind.

And it scares the shit out of him. How can he focus on transforming and defeating the one who took his birthright and Freeza's death from him when this woman is just fucking haunting him? He doesn't even know it's romantic attraction. He won't even accept that he's sexually attracted even though his body reacts to hers however fiercely he avoids looking at or touching her.

Meanwhile, Bulma has just broken up with Yamcha. She's not really in a place where she's thinking about a new relationship. She might want to have some fun here and there now that she's single, sure, but she's much more focused on the arrival of the Androids. Especially since she knows how hard her future self worked to warn everyone and give them a chance to have a different outcome than she did. And Vegeta is a powerful asset to have on her side. As much of a jerk as he can be, he works tirelessly to prepare himself for the battle, and helping him become stronger may make a difference in their survival.

Sure, it tickles her scientist brain to have an alien living on her property she can ask about space and otherworldly tech whenever she wants. And Vegeta himself has a fascinating (if dark and disturbing) personal history. He's not what she expects in some ways. Proud, and yet also very reserved and even shy. Aggressive and intense, but at the same time thoughtful, introspective, and so dedicated to his calling that she realizes it's a spiritual thing for him, perhaps even religious.

She finds herself enjoying his company even when she knows that she shouldn't. He's not exactly a true ally. He's not a good person. But he's just so...interesting. And he's more attractive than he seems to realize. She indulges a fantasy or two of what he might be like in bed. But it's not serious. She knows she shouldn't. It would never work out. It would be so fucking complicated and fraught for everyone involved. There's no way an alien man would have the same (or even compatible) ideas about relationships or sex. Even if Vegeta did, he'd never fucking tolerate having a frank conversation about it. He's really kind of a prude.

And yet...they spend more time with each other, and the tension between them just builds. Over months and months, it builds slowly but surely. And one day, it just fucking breaks. One evening, they end up closer than usual. Touching each other, and it gets really intense really fast. No time to really discuss where things are going or what anything means---they just need each other in that moment. And it works out. Somehow. It's almost too easy. Despite all the cultural differences. They have sex, and it feels...good.

For Vegeta, sexuality had previously always been something tainted with negativity. What's the point of having a drive for sex, after all, when you're the last of your kind, and fleeting pleasures are hardly more than distractions? But with Bulma, everything just felt so fucking right and good. Like finally getting to experience all the things he'd always wondered about and longed for even if he never admitted it to himself. Things he thought were impossible. Having sex in a situation where he had a real choice in the matter. With a woman when he had spent his whole life having to accept the fact that no saiyan women had survived. On top of everything, not only does he want her---desperately---but she wants him in return. How she squirms when he touches her, how her scent changes, how she trembles and whimpers when he gets to do all the things he never let himself want before.

It just completely and utterly unravels him, and he can't get enough of her. He thought that, just maybe, if he gave in and slept with her, she wouldn't fucking haunt him anymore, but it just gets fucking worse. He needs her like water. Like if he doesn't get to be in her presence and touch her, he will just fucking lose it even more than he already has. And it fucking terrifies him. He's only ever wanted one thing: to transform and make things right after Freeza destroyed everything. But now he's preoccupied, and he can't handle it. He doesn't know what to do. What any of it means. What he really wants out of any of it. And he has no idea what she wants either. Only that however many times he tries to stay away from her, they always end up tangled up again. He couldn't even tell her how he feels even if he wanted to because he's so clueless about what's happening to him.

Meanwhile Bulma is just absolutely floored by how intense everything is from the beginning. She wonders if it's a saiyan thing, or if he's just intense like that himself. She doesn't know what Vegeta's full history with sex is, but she knows it's complicated. All she knows is that he kisses her like it's his last day on Earth. That he fucks her like he couldn't resist her if he tried (and he does try). And she can't help but ride that high. She brings this mysterious, strong, and austere man to his knees, and her power over him is intoxicating. She knows she shouldn't play around with someone so dangerous even if she's convinced he'll become an ally eventually. She knows that most of her friends wouldn't approve. It's not like she wants to DATE Vegeta. But gods...his desperation, the way he almost worships her, how wild and even frightening he can be---she can't help but indulge herself at least a little bit even if it's against her better judgment. It's not serious, after all. It's not like Vegeta of all people would even want to be some kind of partner to her anyway. He just wants sex (right?), and that's all she wants too. So she proposes a friends-with-benefits situation that they are determined to keep on the down-low.

Vegeta's head is just spinning at all of this. He still doesn't fucking know what to do with her. He can't have an attachment to her---especially not now when his sole focus needs to be transforming---but imagining his life without her is just... So he just lets her call it whatever she pleases, as long as no one else is involved and no one else knows about it. The weakness all the more glaring and real if other people know about it. He can tell himself he is just having sex with her so he can stay focused on training. Nothing more than that. Certainly not.

Over the course of it, Vegeta's feelings for her just intensify. If he was head over heels before they had sex, the more time they spend and the more intimate they become, he only falls more madly in love with her. And while Bulma tells herself that feelings aren't really involved for her beyond the friendship she develops with him, she has little pangs of romantic longing that hit her out of nowhere from time to time. Almost hard not to when the sex is the way that it is. She wonders sometimes if he has feelings for her. Real feelings. But he just couldn't, right? She's just being a silly hopeless romantic like she was when she was younger, and she's over that. He's an alien with a tortured past, and he's not boyfriend material, and she's fine with that. That's not what she wants anyway. Certainly not right now with the end of the world around the corner.

We all know how things go down after this, though, don't we?

But yeah. I headcanon Vegeta falls first and harder, whereas Bulma falls gradually after they become involved. Bulma has experienced good relationships before, and she wasn't looking for a romance with Vegeta in the wake of her breakup. Vegeta, on the other hand, hasn't experienced romantic love or sexual attraction where things weren't fucked up and fraught in some way before. So his "relationship" (re: passionate affair) with Bulma means so much more to him even if he couldn't articulate it. It completely blows him away, but he doesn't have the context or emotional insight to make sense of it. So he just panics, lol.

Hello! I’d like to request a rottmnt (Casey, cass and April too if you want too!) Headcanons x reader (both crushing on each other / pining) and reader is extremely clumsy? And gets bruised so easily (seriously, I noticed last night I bruised my palm / fingers pretty bad and I don’t even remember how I did that, like, nothing major happened, just BOOM hand got hurt) and they try to hide it or not make it a big deal cuz they doesn’t want to “cause trouble” or worry anyone, and they get really bashful with ppl taking care of them?

Please and thank you, hope you have a good day

[ Clutz ]

ROTTMNT x GN!Reader who is clumsy

A/N: YES. this is exactly like me!! also im sorry for the delay in posts!! im trying to do 2 asks a day but with how much asks im getting i assume that wont be working?? anyways, thank you anon for requesting and i hope you heal quickly <3! P.S: I LOVEDD WRITING THIS ONEEE!!

Relationships: Romantic

TW: Injuries, treating injuries, fluff, worry, kisses, cuddling

Raph

He knows before you even tell him.

He subconsciously searches his brothers, what makes you think he wont search you?

Eventually when you are forced to tell him while he was patching you up, he gets a little upset.

Regardless, he understands. (Being the eldest and all.)

Don't think he doesn't check on you extra though.

Weekly checkups, also comes with weekly cuddles and kisses.

Warns you if there's anywhere you can get injured from a mistake.

If he see's you fall or bump into something, he'll check the area around 15 minutes later to see if it bruised, it's going to be bruised regardless.

He never runs out of supplies?? What logic is this??

Regardless, total sweetheart.

Leo

To be honest, he only notices after a week or two after a hard mission.

Are you not healing? Are they new?

When you go to get your bandages changed, he asks you about them.

You explain and he lets out an 'ooh' before pouting.

You, a hassle, a burden? That's the dumbest thing he's ever heard.

Gets ice for your bruises right away whenever you bump into stuff.

Prevent the bruising as much as possible, right?

Throws his hand out when he see's you're going to hurt yourself.

Always ends up with him trying to lean over the table and falling himself.

Mutual pining? Nah. Mutual idiots. /aff Bonus:

His medical supplies keep going missing. Wonder where they went.

Donnie

Please. For the love of god. STAY OUT THE LAB.

Clumsy + chemicals + metal = owchie.

Knew about the clumsiness and bruising, not about how you felt.

Taking Dr. Feelings instructions, he tries to comfort you.

He ends up messing up and saying something goofy, you suddenly can't take him serious anymore.

Later in your relationship, he gains the habit of giving your bruises a small kiss. (It started with you bugging him about how your "boo-boos" needed kisses.)

Guides you away from dangerous things without you realizing.

He isn't good with words so, unlike his brothers, he'll straight up tell you while helping you that you are not a burden.

Actions may be more powerful than words but, words get the point across easier.

He does his best, he's trying, I swear.

Mikey

Poor guy doesn't notice the bruises until after you open up.

Don't think he didn't notice you shying away though. He is Dr. Feelings after all.

Mikey doesn't quite have enough skills to patch you up so he goes to Leo, to stay safe.

Regardless of excuses, you are in fact scheduled for a meeting with the Dr. himself.

After said session, expect affection statistics to go HAYWIRE.

He has a shell, you can't get hurt if he's clinging onto you, right?

Plus, more love!

Asks Donnie if there's anything scientific behind the injuries, he just wants to try to reduce it as much as possible.

Simple cuts or scratches?

You get the "feel better" band-aids. (Band-Aids with motivational sentences on them. Prescribed by Dr. Feelings himself.)

Meeting Sandor Clegane headcanons

A/N: This is very self indulgent so reader is Black and plus size ( and I mean PLUS size). Also I'm personally Non-binary but I'm just so used to writing in female perspective soooo that's what i did ( I mean kinda, its ambiguous) :) This section is mostly just them meeting and falling in love.

Also lets pretend they know what stars are in this time period lmao

Also also I'm very open to feedback and any suggestions ppl may have so please feel free to leave me an Ask or Message!

Tw: Creepy men

You are a lady in waiting for a visiting noblewoman in King's Landing. You're from a highborn house but left your home for the opportunities the capitol provided.

Most days you find yourself waiting on your Lady and learning the way of the court (which basically means learning to talk circles around each other). She's one of the few kind people to you in this city and it's not from lack of trying.

Being in a bigger body than the other women puts a target on your back for verbal attacks and harassment, and as much as your Lady does her best to shield you from it there's only so much she can do.

That's how you met Sandor

On your way back from Court one day you find yourself cornered by two guardsmen who had their eyes on you all morning. They poke at you with their swords, making comments about ripping through your clothes when Sandor rounds a corner and spots all of you.

He meets your eyes and turns to the guards, " What do you cunts think you're doing?"

They whip around confidently until they see him and stutter over themselves backing away. You take this moment to rush away but not before whispering a thank you as you pass him.

From then on you begin to notice him more often, in Court, on your walks through the garden, even during meals. The first few times you catch his eye he quickly looks away, much to your disappointment.

It wasn't often a woman of your likeness was defended by a man, let alone at all, so you try to make it a point to find him to thank him properly.

It's difficult catching him alone but one night as your looking at the stars from the garden you hear the clanking of armor pass behind you and stop, " What're you doing here?" A deep voice asks.

You turn to him, " Oh, sorry Ser I was just enjoying the stars. Aren't they beautiful? "

"I'm no Ser, just The Hound"

" Well that's not a proper name, what did your mother call you?"

He hesitates, " Sandor"

" Thank you Sandor, for saving me a while back. I don't know what I would've done without your help." You pluck a few large daisies from the patch of flowers next to you and hold it out for him. " It's not much, but if you press it between book pages they can be used as a bookmark."

He looks around confused, " Girl, I don't read. Now lets get you back to your chambers before you have another run in with that scum. "

Dejected, you place the flowers down but stay where you are looking up at the stars. It wasn't often you could sneak out and get a good look so you savor the moment.

He huffs looking up, " What's there to look at any way? Just a bunch of lights"

Laughing softly you say, " They are more than just lights, I mean I know what the Maesters say about them but I choose to believe something else. I believe they're our dreams and wishes, hung by the Gods as a promise to fulfill them."

You realize how silly that must be to a man who kills for a living, but as you turn to him to apologize you see his face turned upwards and his eyes shut.

You both take a moment in silence beneath the stars before you turn to walk towards your room, " Good night, Sandor. I hope the night treats you well."

( What you don't see as you walk away is Sandor picking up and pocketing one of the Daisies)

During the weeks following your encounter with him, you begin to see a change in his demeanor towards you. His cold stares turn soft and fleeting and when your eyes meet in Court or during meals they linger as if he's trying to solve something in your eyes.

It flustered you to no end and soon those stolen glances turned to greetings as you passed by each other, which seemed to happen so frequently now.

He also seemed to find you every night you snuck out to see the stars. It started out staying quiet as the first night, but quickly turned to whispered conversations under moonlight till dawn. You did most of the talking, but that was okay, he wasn't one with words but his eyes could tell you stories.

Every once in a while you were even able to get him to crack a smile at your jokes about Joffrey, but he was always telling you to be careful for unwanted listeners.

He was like that more often, looking out for you. You hadn't been bothered by any of the guards since that day, the kitchen staff weren't giving you looks as you plated food anymore and it felt like you were finally fitting in. ( as much as you could in this place)

You wouldn't know it but whenever he was in your presence, even from afar, his eyes would wander to you searching for any excuse to be close. One too many times he was caught doing so and had to swiftly deal with said person. The last thing he needed was any gossip reaching yours or Joffrey's ears.

And then one night it all ended. The battle at blackwater bay.

You were tending to the crying woman and children hiding when a large BOOM is heard as the door swings open. And in pops Sandor, out of breath and rushing towards you,

" I'm getting you the fuck out of here"

He lifts you up over his shoulder, leaving no room for discussion, and heads out to his horse.

After weeks of travel, you find yourself hundreds of miles away from Kings Landing, your home, and your Lady. You thought you'd never see the day you miss Kings Landing but here you are, miles away from home with a man that makes your heart flutter. And yet, you're not sure he even feels the same.

Through the breaking daylight you see you're standing on the outskirts of a small village.

You say," You must've been frightened that night...the night the water was on fire, but what would make you think to take me with you. I'm nobody. "

He looks at you as if you've offended him and wordlessly reaches into his pocket to grab the book smashed daisy and hands it to you.

" Now, that house over there looks abandoned. We could set up- "

With all the bravery you can muster you place a hand on the side of his face and reach up to gently kiss him.

He softly places his hand over yours as he leans down for you.

After a few moments you pull away, " We might be seeing a falling star tonight."

He looks at you puzzled

You laugh lightly, " Seems a dream of mine finally came true"

Pt 2 with the actual headcanons of being with him and living in the country side should be out in the next week or so. Hope you enjoyed!!

re: your empathy posts. As someone who probably has higher than normal empathy (I used to ask people around me how they deal with sympathetic distress in common situations that occur in a job and only got blank stares) you're so valid!! The lionizing of this random subconscious process called empathy is so useless! It says nothing about the person and their values! As your other commenters suggested, people disparaging you may just be trying to boost their own shaky feelings about how their own emotional stability is deeply tied to their people-pleasing tendencies.

If anything, I think learning to function "normally" in society with "empathy" makes you more messed up. I understand this person's distress. I acknowledge it, and know how my actions will make it worse. I make them feel worse anyway, because that's the organizationally approved behavior, causing more pain for both them and myself. All the while I must behave as if I am cheerful and unbothered. Internalizing that hurting others and yourself to achieve your goals is Fine is necessary in order to stay sane. This is counter to everything people say they believe, so lying also has to become a virtue.

Buying kindness from the store seems like a really kind thing to do tbh. I am passing you on the street as I am schlupping over to pick up some callousness.

this last sentence made me giggle a lot. but YEAH!! a lot of this is spot-on to stuff i've been thinking about lately. like, "normal" empathy levels seem to be socially defined as "you care about people and want to help them, but you don't care so much that you'll harm yourself in pursuit of that" and it's all just..... i dunno. so much pathologizing of how we think and feel and whether we're Human (TM) about stuff. it's all so Weird

like..... i keep thinking that my lack of empathy gives me certain advantages in social situations. but in a similar vein to the ppl worried about sounding like tiktok empaths for being hyperempathetic, i worry that this makes me sound like an alpha male influencer writing youtube essays about why emotions make you weak, or whatever.

it's not that emotions make people weak or that having less empathy makes me like, a Cold Logical Calculating Math-Loving Strategist. i'm a writer who focuses solely on character-driven stuff, u probably wouldn't expect that from a stereotypically sociopathic person. part of why i LIKE writing character-driven stuff so much is BECAUSE i've had to actively teach myself how other people think, how they feel, how they struggle, etc

a lack of empathy means i can choose not to get invested in other people's feelings or lives, i don't feel guilty for emotionally disconnecting, i'm not afraid of being disliked. but i still know how to act like a decent human being. there's that one post about how stupid it is not to realize being nice gets people to be nice back, and fuckin. YEAH!! it's astonishing to me to read about cases of """clinical sociopaths""" (who are just people who didn't get the 'pretend you give a shit, moron' memo) manipulating and gaslighting people and whatnot. everyone in the comments will always be like "ooo so scary... they didn't feel bad at ALL... so terrifying that people who don't feel guilt exist..." and i'm like.

IS GUILT THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS YOU FROM COMMITTING ATROCITIES???

BLOWS MY MIND. IT'S LIKE..... THE LEFTIST EQUIVALENT OF SAYING EVERYONE WOULD BE MURDERERS IF THEY WERENT SCARED OF GOD. LIKE. YOU ONLY AVOID DOING BAD STUFF BC IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD??????

good LORD. at least having no empathy means i've had to grow my principles organically. oh my GOD.

anyway what brought these thoughts up today was that i was thinking about gansey and luz noceda, since theyre extremely similar characters & on my All Time Faves list. and i've said this before but the things i love about them (the kindness, self-sacrificing shit, anxiety, etc) are things i don't see in myself. but Wish I Did. like i wish i was kinder on the inside than i am.

but i know that i admire ppl with luz and gansey traits both in fiction and in real life. so i simply just..... emulate the luz and gansey actions. not always successfully, esp because i have a temper and very little patience, but like. i try to be kind where i can bc i wish i was someone who tries to be kind when they can. so i'm just going to be. u know??

okay so i'm so the anon who brought up how freaky solar men are up & i thought abt how i wanted to go abt this like i was orig. going to continue my spiel and outline every single kink i saw as a pattern but ... i just want to be concise + this is an astro blog i don't want to get too graphic on here so here's me wrapping it up (sorry this one is anti-climatic):

so at the root of it solar men go into sex - honestly any situation in their lives - asking themselves 2 things.

how can i have fun here? & how can i maximize on said fun?

how & will this feed into my ego?

it's an oversimplification of solar men but i think thats the gist of what drives them in any situation. so you can use that logic to apply to whether you'd think a solar man would be into smth sexually or not. like for e.x. solar dom men tend not to be munches in the bedroom (sorry girlsss 😭). but it makes sense as to why when you apply the logic of them being ego & pursuit of happiness driven. and if you do meet a solar man who does like eating their girl out ask them their reasoning for it and i swear their reasoning will somehow fall into this logic too (e.x. "it's fun for me" or "it makes me feel like im the man")

anyway with that being said there's only one other kink they rly lean into that i do want to elaborate on bc it's fun! it's roleplaying. they're so fun in this regard they like to play up certain scenarios (typically a power imbalance dynamic at play in it too) and they rly like it when you dress up for them; again there's also this air of unserious fun to it too like they just don't take themselves too srsly. like my fav memory w my latest sun dom ex was the time when the mid-autumn festival rolled around (he's chinese) and i asked him how he wanted to celebrate since his family was back home so it would just be him & i so he came up w the idea that i dressed like a bunny and delivered him his "mooncake". this is context for those who don't know (how he explained it to me so if this is botched i'm sorry omg): for chinese ppl there is an association b/w rabbits and mooncake during mid-autumn festival; jade rabbits often delivering them. anyways to make a long story short, i ended up picking up a box of mooncake for him and when i showed up to his place he had a whole bunny lingerie ensemble laid out for me so you can put two and two tg and figure out how that went 😂

now with that wrapped up i acc wanted to touch on the last ask you answered: hearing your type now i do not recommend a sun dom man for you actually. sun men def play it cool and i'll be honest they're the type to bully/tease as flirting and i find that the kind of women that best respond to the super cocky, kind of a bully style of flirting from solar dom men are saturn dom women (who dish it right back to them) and lunar dom women (extremely receptive & thrives in passivity). just as claire put it. your type acc sounds more along the lines of a venus dom man (they're simps & tend to worship - they just don't have that external tough guy thing going on imo) combined w smth else. i remember you saying you had a mercury dk do you mind sharing the nak/sign it's in? that could probs help w figuring out whats best for you

oh my last thing do you think solar dom men tend to be drawn to working as commercial pilots? if so why do you think that may be? bc as i was writing this i realized all of my exes were either commercial pilots or up in the corporate ladder. working corporate for them makes sense i feel like i've seen that somewhere but it's the pilot thing i'm curious abt

damn 😳😳😳

Yeah I def can't stand Saturnian men (mainly Anuradhas) and idk any Solar men but while they sound 🥵🥵 they're not for me as you said

I swear my type is a Venusian man who will worship me 🤤😤😩😭 I think I really like the idea of a big serious tough guy that others are intimidated by but who is a complete sweetie with me. Having a partner that is socially respected and taken seriously is vvv important to me (probably bc I have Venus in 10h) I do see the effect of my Mercury DK bc I love to flirt and tease and I love the smooth talking type of guy, I really value emotional & literal intelligence in men but beyond that Mercurial men are horny little rabbits and that kind of puts me off. I want a Venusian man who will be more refined about that sort of thing??? My old friend is with a Bharani Moon guy and honestly I want what they have. He puts the shoes on her feet, carries her bags and feeds her even?? Like that guy loves to give and is a complete simp (idk anything else about their relationship so idk what the downside of all this Venusian affection is)

When you said commercial pilot I stopped breathing 😳😳😭😭 because I only know one person who is a pilot and he's Krittika Sun 😩😩😩 I think Sun dominant people both men and women are drawn to the top of the hierarchy, they need to be the best at what they do, they won't settle for anything less than that and all the Sun dominant people I know are extremely ambitious and hardworking. With flying, they're literally on top of the world and in the air, that's as Sun dominant as it gets. Maybe that's a simplistic take but I think they're drawn to the high life and doing something that only a few get to do. I think all benefic planets kind of create a sense of elitism and exclusivity in its natives (I know Sun isn't widely considered to be a benefic but it's ...The Sun...) our solar system revolves around the Sun, life on earth centres the Sun. The natural most comfortable place for a Solar person is at the top of the ladder, they don't feel like they "belong" anywhere else. The Sun is used to being needed but the Sun doesn't need anybody or anything, if ykwim?? Probably why Sun natives dgaf about anyone or anything lol

hi uh i could use some advice :<

im a host of a recent system of 20-ish and guh i am t i r e d

im mainly looking for advice on how to switch or just retreat into the headspace/leave front or even just kinda stop being fully aware while still being in front for awhile bc id rlly like to take a break and the realization that im most likely front attracted/frontstuck is kinda making me more tired of being in front

also if it helps at all my(&) system is parogenic + traumagenic in origin (specifically parotraumagenic) and theres kinda iffy communication between members (some of them i have clear communication with and they randomly pop up to say stuff, some i have no idea where they are and some of them i can usually only hear when im directly interacting with them).

afaik (as far as i know) only three?? ppl have rlly "fronted" per se, and the rest have been co-con

i apologize for the long and mildly depressing ask but any help is appreciated also dont forget to hydrate

Hello! We have some posts that might help you that we’d like to share if that’s okay. The first is a post we wrote a while back with some tips on switching from our own experience:

We’d also like to share this post by @rin-and-jade on being frontstuck or frontlocked, and how to go about unsticking yourself!

Our own system host (Parker) is almost always fronting to some extent. It can certainly be exhausting and disheartening fronting nonstop, especially when other members of your system can seemingly come and go as they please. He’s going to put some info under a cut for how he copes with fronting constantly, in case you want some advice on coping with being genuinely unable to switch out!

We hope something here will be helpful for you! We’re wishing you the best of luck with switching out or at least learning how best to cope with fronting in your future!

(Host here - I’ll just write this bit if thats okay. Anyway here’s some stuff I do to deal with The Horrors of perpetual existence)

Meditation

Taking a few moments to sit in comfortable silence can be useful for me when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed or straight up exhausted. Here’s how I meditate (I’m no expert and I’m sure there’s better ways to do this… this is just what I do)

- get in a comfortable position in a quiet place where I’m not likely to be disturbed

- set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes

- close my eyes, focus on my breathing

- don’t dwell on any thoughts but also don’t push them away; acknowledge them and let them go

- try to stay still and calm until my timer goes off

And that’s it. Sometimes I get interrupted by an alter or something outside, but for the most part, this is how I’ve been able to meditate effectively.

Rest

I take naps whenever I can. I sit down whenever I can. I’ll literally just close my eyes for a few minutes whenever I can. Our body has issues with chronic fatigue, and fronting constantly can sometimes exacerbate our exhaustion. So yeah I am a huge fan of naps and will often set a timer for like 15-20 minutes and snooze whenever the opportunity arises. Even just lying down with closed eyes can help replenish some energy.

Distractions

Reading, watching something on TV, or playing video games can help give me somewhat of a break even if I’m still fronting. I do tend to try and keep us distracted as much as possible… sometimes to our own detriment. But if you find that you really aren’t ever able to switch out, or if your system is specutien and that’s just the way your system functions, finding things you enjoy that can serve as distractions may help you as well.

Saying No

This one’s tough, but I’m trying to learn to say no when I’m overwhelmed or have too much on my plate. This means sometimes I’ll cancel plans, hand off a responsibility, make a compromise, or turn down an opportunity if I don’t have the energy for it.

Honestly idk how much my addition can help you, but if you find that you’re not ever able to switch out at all please know there’s other folks out there in similar positions. Hoping you can make the most of your situation, anon /genuine

So, I've been thinking and I wanna do a creepypasta x y/n type thing, if y'all could send requests n stuff that'd be awesome. For now tho, let's start simple.

Tw: these characters are mentally unwell individuals who don't typically have the means for therapy or medication, they aren't meant to be perfect, and just like so many other ppl they can be toxic and exhibit bad behavior such as self harm, possessiveness and so much more.

WHAT TYPE OF LOVER THEY ARE.

Toby- ooooh boy buckle up for this one. Toby is extremely sweet, almost sickeningly so if we are being honest. However, he does have really bad episodes. Toby has many mental issues, some being schizophrenia and bpd(borderline personality disorder), along with bipolar. His mood can switch so quick and violently it's nauseating. He has episodes he has little to no memory of and severely struggles with self harm, eating disorders and much more. He does not mean to hurt himself and/or others. He tries his best to treat you like a prince/princess/royalty/etc. He loves to take you on hikes and anything physically active and outside, always having far too much energy. He's the type of lover who will carry you on his back or shoulders if you are too exhausted or even hurt. Speaking of which, never tell him you are hurt or gods forbid it's the end of the world. He will baby tf outta you. He's the true definition of "golden retriever boyfriend". Although I see him more as a rednecks bullybreed in my opinion. Sweet, smiley, overly energetic, smart but super ditzy but will bite someone if told to, forever loyal. During episodes where he's super down just rub his back and hum to him, don't force him to do stuff and take everything at one miniscule step at a time, instead of thinking "just take a shower then rest before something else" think "ok, turn on the water, see how far you can go and if you are too tired that's ok, I'll help you, if you just don't wanna, that's ok I'm here let's watch or listen to music". Honestly he just needs a lot more love. He will be protective, playful and always willing to help. A good boy.

Tim- Oh dear Thanatos give me strength. This man is such a softy for his lover(s). He has such a gruff exterior and will always display it, however, when it comes to you that'll soften significantly. You are baby. That's that. He will treat you as his equal, always. This is good and bad though as he will forget that you aren't used to the shit he goes through as the unfortunate victim of the Operator. Don't get me wrong, he will eventually realize but it takes his brain a lil bit of calibrating first. For example, he can say something super insensitive then after a few minutes he's all, "aw shit, darlin I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that, are you ok? What I meant was-" He tries his damnedest I swear, he's just a mentally ill southern man, he ain't the brightest at times but he tries. Now, he can have a temper but rest assured it's unlikely he'll ever lay a hand on you, some other poor soul? Maybe, but definitely not you. He may slam a door or stomp about but he won't even breathe on you. Sometimes though, after a really rough day he can end up in a screaming match with you, but he'll try and make up for it like crazy. Breakfast in bed, more per names, maybe an "I love you" he seldom gives, hell he may even slow dance with you in the kitchen while you guys make food. This mf do be making dad jokes like crazy, he's toughen up a lot since marble hornets but he's still Tim. He's a goofball at times. And let's not forget whats also not battery powered. Cue the music. He loves sitting out on the porch or the windowsill strumming at his guitar or ukalele while writing lil lyrics, later presenting you with his song once it's finished. Also, he gives the best hugs, we love our strong short chubby king.

Brian- look at this hunk of a man. He is like a mix of Tim and Toby. He's smart, calculating, absolutely charming, but he can also be tough, silly and oh so caring. He will always throw around jokes and give the biggest smug grin afterwards showing his gorgeous smile(the cute Lil tooth gaaap) He loves to pick you up and swing you around with his big strong arms. Actually, he loves showing off for you in general when he can. He's really fit, constantly working out, but it's a bit unhealthy, hence why he's so obviously muscular. He doesn't eat a healthy amount and excercises too much, unlike Tim who is just as strong bit looks less fit. This man is the definition of a highschool Jock except he's actually super fucking smart. Now, be aware he's a psychology major, he can be very quite at times and is able to analyze every move you make. He is extremely protective, at times to the point of possessiveness but sometimes it's as though he couldn't really give af. He is an absolute beast of a man, he will use his extreme height, broadness and muscle mass to his advantage. However he is so soft with you. If y'all fight though he is not going to hesitate to pick you up and put you over his shoulders, put you somewhere soft and quiet and then leave for a few hours to cool down. He isn't prone to violence but be careful, if he snaps he blacks out and even Tim would panic in that scenario. He does do everything he can in his power to prevent this from happening, taking medication, smoking weed, going on a long hike, taking anger out on trees, etc. Tbh him and Tim are like dads.

Jeff- Jeff, oh boy. Now, he is definitely a lil rat bastard, as most short trans men(such as myself) are, but xe's not as bad as you may think. Honestly he likely will treat you like a best friend. It will make some morbid jokes, smoke with you if you want, do some stupid shit like vandalism, he don't give af. Xe is very into alternative fashion and music, if you enjoy doing makeup and all sorts of artsy stuff count him in. He won't hesitate to put you in a headlock btw. He will 100000% throw you around and wrestle with you for shits n giggles. It is also, surprisingly a hopeless romantic. He may act all cool on the outside, or at least try, but xe honestly is all heart eyes at the smallest bs. He is so supportive in his own way, saying stuff like "babe, I promise you, you have the absolutely fffffffffattest ass I have ever seen. You is THICC!" Also, please please please pleeeeease call xem "baby boy", "handsome" or even "bunny", he will absolutely melt, and do this while playing with it's hair while he's sitting down playing on his phone between your legs while yet on the couch? Aaaagbkghklg. This man will do anything you want istg. Also, hope you like dogs bc he's got two. Smile dog(aka smiles) and smiley. I know. So creative right? It didn't want to rename them after finding them so he just stuck with it, but he dies tend to call smiles princess though. Also, will absolutely make you his favorite food growing up that his madre made growing up, empanada.

Liu- ah, big mans. Oooooweeeeee. Liu's side is very reserved and quiet. They will kiss your palms and watch you all puppy like when you talk. He isn't huge on talking as he found with Sully it leads to more arguing. He is a body mods artist so if you want tattoos, pricings, etc. You bet he's doing em. Any price of you he modifies he will kiss oh so sweetly, however, they prefer to reserve kisses for spots you dislike about yourself or past scars to remind you how much he loves and appreciates you. He loves to be big spoon but they prefers you two facing each other equally giving affection so he can see how you melt into him while you also can see just how much he cares about you. Due to their job he does get some big bucks so you better love being absolutely soiled and pampered. Anything you show even the slightest smidge of interest towards is yours now. Also, please do his makeup if you do yours in the morning. Having you sit in their lap doing eyeshadow while he rubs your sides his so therapeutic for him. Extremely gentle giant, his issue is they have a hard time communicating and shuts down when confronted. The best time way to deal with an issue is through notes. He likes to pass notes to one another before speaking and agreeing to a solution fully. They don't usually outwardly show if he's upset, but trust me, you will know. Sully doesn't keep his mouth shut ever.

Sully- Sully is very different from Liu. He's very outgoing and brutally honest, extremely blunt and talkative. He will be extremely wary of you at first, and he has severe, and I mean severe, commitment issues. They'll eventually come around though. They love to show you off, constantly holding you up on a shining pedistle for all to see. He likes to hype you tf up. They also love to dance with you, please dance to some Spanish music with them, it'll make their heart race. He also will give you so so so many kisses if you do anything to honor his heritage as his mother is Latina and he grew up around his Mexican family and even lived in Mexico part of his life growing up. If you sing porque te vas to him he will absolutely smother you with kisses. His favorite food was for sure tamales whilst Liu preferred mole.

Otis- Now, Otis is extremely reserved and can come off as cold when he's not masking. He does card though. She just has a hard time showing it he's not huge on giving physical affection or verbal. He typically shows his love through handmade gifts. He does enjoy cuddling on the couch after a rough day though. They don't hate physical or verbal affection, but growing up he was forced to give affection when he didn't want to and was more often shown "affection" through violence, not to mention she's worried that whatever you are wearing will set off their sensory issues. Otis will 10000% shut down if in a argument, but if anyone threatens him or puts hand on them, she will kick their ass no matter what. Otis is a big boy and exhibits behavior very similar to that of a cat. Her favorite thing to do is to sketch, draw, or paint you when you aren't paying attention. He just loves the way you look and the emotions he feels when observing the work they've created. On a really bad day the best thing for you two to do is take a bath bubble bath together surrounded by yummy smelling candles, ambient lighting, and of course having your skin touch hers. She loves the way your skin feels but hates clothes, if he had it her way he'd never wear clothes but sadly society says otherwise. Their thought process is(as is mine) nothing is innapropriate unless someone makes it innapropriate.

Jack (E.J.)- This man is very cold. He doesn't comprehend emotions as much as he used to before the incident. He loves observing you and trying to determine what emotions he is feeling in that moment. He is extremely blunt and anilitical, always saying whatever he is thinking to say. He struggles with having mercy on your emotions. He does apologize and feel guilty when he finds out it made you feel negatively and is always willing to learn and work things out. He wants you to feel safe, comfortable and loved with him. He believes he is a hard person to love due to his situation, believing he is a hideous monster. He severely lacks confidence and it takes a long time for him to even give you a peak at his skin, nevermind not wear his mask around you. He believes you are the most gorgeous person in exhistence and wholeheartedly believes it. He struggles a lot with his hair and it's very damaged. Jack, prior to the incident was a black man and as such his hair was extremely thick and had a super tight curl pattern. Now he typically keeps it straight, please teach him how to take care of his hair, he loves his natural hair but no one taught him how to take care of it as he was adopted by a racist white family growing up as a teen. give him some locks, cornrows, extensions, box braids, hell, teach him how to keep his hair in a natural state while styling. He loves you touching him and you doing his hair not only boosts his confidence but also is extremely therapeutic for him and he views it as romantic and affectionate. He loves to take care of you and you taking care of him makes his heart swell with love. This man is extremely loving, he won't be too clingy or overbearing, he respects your boundaries. He's simply content with the fact you don't hate or fear him. He does like to sneak up on you though. The little noises that come out of your mouth when you notice his large frame towering over you suddenly is both adorable and hilarious. You are his little rabbit, his mate, his lover, what more can I say?

For more scenarios and characters pls simply comment or send me it privetly as an ask or message.

another long ramble this wont get out of my head!! ur words hav enlightened me! a bit wish washy i may hav repeated some stuff but man i hav sooo many thoughts. when u mentioned how some of ur favorite prog rock songs feel more like a journey rather than conventional music experiences it rlly struck a chord in me. rlly! its such an interesting take bc it did make me reflect a bit on king crimson's *titles* in particular and their longer songs, specifically. theyre like chapters, is what ive came to realize a bit too late knowing ive been listening to king crimson since 2021... i really wish i had taken the time to delve into their lyrics. (moreover on lyrics, i did have a long conversation about starless w a friend before,, i really liked the themes of torn relationships and betrayal within the song! richard palmer james, someone who helped write the song stated that the song was actually about ending a friendship of sorts. interesting. [http://www.elephant-talk.com/wiki/Interview_with_Richard_Palmer-James_in_Tylko_Rock], tho honestly i could see many other interpretations of it. another song i analyzed, that time on my own, was fallen angel... which still makes me pretty damn emotional to this day.) the narrative parts of kc makes me think of lizard (the song, not the entire album), part one being labelled "prince rupert awakes", w v lively and descriptive lyrics. (expressing themes of royalty and social hierarchy. alluding to rupert's arrogance in being able to wipe out the enemy.) and then nearing the end of the song, is "prince rupert's lament", paired w an instrumental which expresses his death in battle!! while i hav listened to this song countless times (inadvertently bc spotify's shuffle features sucks ass) and have gotten a bit frustrated, i never rlly took the time to rlly take a look into the *beauty* of the lyrics of lizard... i jus rlly appreciate how subtle yet very profound and rhythmic the lyrics are... even if it seems like gibberish at first glance u can still make out some sort of meaning given that u have the patience n time. jus like listening to the song itself u have to take in all elements of sight (reading, obviously jbddb) and hearing.

i love the attention to detail in verses 4 and 5 in part 3 (battle of glass tears) (moreover i think this is one of the most beautiful fuckin things ive heard in a king crimson song), showing the passage of time from night to day as the soldiers fearfully yet ambitiously prepare for battle. as soon as the sun rose, they (id presume) said their prayers before they marched into battle. usually sunrise is associated with more positive emotions, but in this case id assume rupert and all of his underlings died. glass tears are also a real-life phenomena, very strong hardened glass... earlier in the song there were allusions to eyelids being torn (ouch) and yeah i can see the logic behind that bc glass cuts thru things. i think it touches on the bloodshed and lament of the battle rupert and his soldiers fought!

i feel the last portion of the rlly ties into the darker aspects of the song which i had overlooked, initially...!!! i feel that part of the prog rock experience, at least w listening to king crimson, is to immerse urself in the lyrics i guess. cuz while u may get a good 10min of instrumentals (bolero), i jus find it so fascinating that even smthn as "simple" as that could withold immense meaning to the artist which makes it shine or stick out.... fripp mentioned that the segment of lizard, bolero, was the only thing that didnt cause him intense misery. (https://www.dgmlive.com/diaries/Robert%20Fripp/simon-amp-robert-have-returned-210916) which obvs provides a lot of insight into the making of the song and album itself. twas a bit critically received and fripp called ppl who liked lizard "strange" iirc. heh. i enjoyed looking up random ass takes abt this song online. and also using my own brain. i think it adds to the experience a lot, like i said. i should def go check out echoes by pink floyd and take ur interpretation into consideration, ofc. X)

I don't have much to add since I haven't thought about them as much as you have, but yeah, absolutely. Progressive rock is fantastic at immersion and telling stories through the music just as much as the lyrics. Some of my favorite songs seem strange on the surface, but become better with thought and repeat listens. Hope you like Echoes, of course. (Pink Floyd also made an abridged 16-minute version a little while later, which I think was a good call despite my love for the original.)

HI ITS ME. GUY WHO HAS A LOT OF THOUGHTS ON MEAT!ROXY. despite how i. admitedly dislike how they HANDLED meat roxy, i cant help but hold a certain... appreciation? fur transmasc roxy. i dont know a lot of canon transmasc characters. most of the time the people i s33 even headcanoned as transmasc-... dont match my experiences. roxy has ALWAYS been my favorite. i love her xomplex relationship with rose and addiction and her friends. i could rel8 to being- idk if hyperfem is the word but? before i transitioned i was deff a very girly-girl. and in my early transition stages i really thought i was faking bc no one ever made content with characters like that./ i love roxy so much, and it was so nice to see my fave character being canonically transmasc, and it reely hurts to see people constantly talking aboat how much they HATE it. i get it! i get how much it sucks to have a popular hc invalidated! but... transmasc roxy has always meant a lot to me- in ways i cant explain w/o delving into some personal stuff. idk, i just. sighs. this came out a lot less coherrent than id like, but even tho i have troubles with how hs2/the epilouges were handled... i reely did like that. i think hs2 is a compilation of good ideas and wasted purrtential, and i wishmore ppl would try and explore that instead of writingmit off and criticizing efurryone who wants to engage in it

Yeah. The handling is definitely one of the biggest factors that ruins it. A lot of Post-Canon is hugely mishandled, and meat!Roxy is no exception to this. The other biggest factor that ruins it is that it was put in official material.

I obviously don't hate the idea of a hyperfeminine person realizing they're transmasculine, or a hypermasculine person realizing they're transfeminine. Those are real experiences that people have, and they deserve to be touched upon. People with those experiences get very, very little representation. I said this before, but I have no ill feelings towards people who like meat!Roxy. It lines up with some people's experiences more than some other portrayals of transition, and therefore some people will gravitate towards it because of its rare factor of relatability to them.

The thing about it is that the writers were never going to get the handling of it right. The Post-Canon writers are not good at their job, they have too much to live up to, and it really seems as though the move was made to spite that widely accepted notion that Roxy is a trans girl- something that has some very real backing within the text of canon. Transmasculine Roxy... Isn't an inherently bad idea! It really isn't. But it is a bad idea to not only confirm a character's previously up-in-the-air birth sex- something that directly goes against one of the most widely accepted transfeminine headcanons of all time- and then proceed to make that character trans in the other direction... While completely sucking the soul out of that character.

Transmasculine Roxy is a fine idea. It's just not one that's able to ever be comfortably explored in a piece of official material. It's perfectly okay for fanworks and personal interpretation, but it doesn't have a sound place in canon just due to the optics of it. It's just too contrarian. And while some people may not care, a lot more people will, and a lot more people do. Too many people care for it to be a good idea to canonize in any regard, no matter what level of eggshells the writers walk on.

And while that may seem like an apocalyptically grim statement to make... That really is just how writing for an audience works. It might suck sometimes, but it's how it is.

TL;DR: Yeah, you liking meat!Roxy is completely valid and I do not blame you whatsoever. More power to you! Major respect! It was just massively fucking mishandled, and handling it at all in official material was just a bad idea. It was a concept that was most likely born out of spite, and destined to fail. Justice for transmasc!Roxy, by the way. Why the fuck did they turn Roxy into an entirely different character? All the charm of Roxy's character was really just lost the moment they made 'em transition. That's one of my least favorite tropes ever. I hate it here.

I am going to go and finish Huai Dao by priest at some point. But like... i think i get whats not clicking so much.

Priest has the case story format down, or at least down enough i can see why several other priest novels are In Part organized by mystery cases. Some nuance brought up in the cases is Shallower Level in Huai Dao, and i am happy to say that improves in later novels.

Like for example... huai dao so far is uncritical of police and views them as overall Heroic, Mo Du in contrast is much more self aware of frequent widespread corruption in cops and with the powerful in society generally and how frequently perpetrators of crimes were or are victims - in Modu theres a lot of comparison with how people Luo Wenzhou saves or Fei Du takes into his own organization that were hurt by their circumstance are very similar to the others marginalized in society/left unprotected/harmed by stronger powers that end up being the perpetrators, and how even most of those perpetrators wouldnt be as malicious if they didnt have powerful people/groups manipulating and using them too, and in modu theres Widespread police corruption from initially just one team to discovering its roots are all the way at the TOP and the police as an organization cannot reliably be good and in fact can be a force perpetuating the damage to vulnerable people in society. Now modu is ultimately somewhat pro cop since 2 of the leads are cops and 1 is a rich elite, making all of the leads "good parallels" to the biggest villains of the story. But there is at least the nuance that police motives and actions should be questioned, can be destructive, and one should not assume by default they are acting in the interest of ordinary people.

That is a nuance that Huai Dao (from what ive read so far) has yet. I imagine that while i havent read Guardian or lie huo jiao chou or Can Ci Pin yet, that nuance to a lesser degree but still present continues to exist in newer works. Like... from what ive read of Guardians opening, Zhao Yunlan is self aware hes a nepo baby with privilege and how that influences his life and safety compared to other people, the same way Luo Wenzhou is self aware his position as a nepo baby (dad a prominent police figure) he has more power and safety to confront the corruption than his old mentor, than Tao Ran, and certainly more than civilians. Can Ci Pins military commander lead leaves the army in the opening, and that in itself hints of a self awareness in the character that the military... can do wrong, can be a power one may wish to not contribute to. Huai Dao seems... aware to a degree that perpetrators of harm could have had life circumstances leading their options to those crimes, but the understanding is tempered and not yet fully realized - still smoothed over with a sentiment of "ultimately they need to be stopped, were evil and we the cops are heroes for fighting them." While yeah in a cop case story i do expect (kind of the genre expectation tbh) the biggest villains to fit that profile of written as Genuinely Cruel Intentioned, modu plays with similar ideas but with more self awareness of "some of these ppl commited crimes because blackmailed/dealt drugs because it was the only viable financial option/were convinced it was right to help X higher up/were a child who grew up with role models and grooming to believe what she did was the only logical action (herself a parallel to fei du and how he was raised with an encouragement to abuse and harm if he sought to remain safe and alive)". Modu dives a bit deeper into yes some people Are dicks, are just cruel, but not everyone who commits crimes has ill intentions or had any other better choices. I can see Huai Dao has sparks of... considering the motives of the perpetrators in a more nuanced way, but the writing just Is Not There yet. Hasnt contemplated that idea fully or committed to it yet.

Anyway (after rambling) to finally get to my point: the main couple of Huai Dao is whats not quite working for me. So theres a side guy character, flirted with by a famous actor and crushing on his coworker Junzi. THAT side romance situation is compelling. In part, i think its because it feels like the writing of it is lead by that side guys Actual Personality and specific situation and actions he'd personally take. In other words, its lead by the guys characterization and the natural chemistry he has with certain others. I think that direction may have ultimately lead to Modu: and modu's quite unique feeling romance, as the main 3 characters FEEL very uniquely themselves and their development is led by what they'd specifically do and how They'd specifically change each other by interacting. (I actually... sort of wonder if tao ran was a viable romantic option in the early plan, and then the natural development of the characters turned him into who he is in the final story - a man who inevitably pushes connections away, tries to take on everything alone, feels responsible).

Huai Daos main couple... feels led by a Typical Romance Structure. At least so far (im 1/3 through). Their development doesnt feel like its organically building from their particular characters interacting. It feels like the lead character is being written to Be More Protective, to Care More Over Time, and theres no particular catalyst. Not that there necessarily needs to be - but i expect more specific character driven development usually when i read a priest novel (the newer priest novels ive read).

Like: the psychologist. Hes got hinted at trauma or secrets. That mismatch between his secrets and what he presents to the lead cop could be driving a tentative distrust and then honor at being given secret past information, driving them closer. And their BEST moment chemistry wise is similar: the psychologist says "ill back off, i know you dont trust me" and the cop feels offended hes being accused of not trusting and then tries to prove he Can Try To Trust the psychologist. Its a GREAT moment of their natural motives, personalities, and pasts driving them to act that way to each other and end up shifting their relationship to each other in a significant way. I want more moments like that one. That was a genuine meeting of their characterizations colliding and causing growth on both sides, and their relationship changing. They need MORE of it. And hopefully theyll have more later in the novel. But for now? Since that scene the bonding has been mostly the cop caring more, getting more protective. But its not really much of their actual personalities having to become vulnerable with each other and confront and grow. I sure hope they get more of those kinds of scenes, so the romance has a place to grow Because of their interactions and who they are individually interacting with each other.

(Perhaps modu picked a trio of leads with a years long history, in part because it means Important Long Standing Confrontations are already baked into the story as things the characters can confront each other emotionally about and grow/bond through addressing. With 2 totally newly introduced characters like huai daos cop and psychologist, theres no premade reasons for discussing things that important and the plot has to do more heavy lifting to push the characters to interact in vulnerable ways. But just me musing lol)

Tldr i do like Huai Dao. I desperately want to read the novel before it, that the police Dad and his previously-gangster husband are from. Because ive got a feeling their romance is more likely personalities naturally confronting and growing and connecting - just based on how they already interact in a much more Unique To Them way. I think with Huai Dao maybe theres just some growing pains with making a romance spark between newly meeting characters, maybe more experimentation in what works to build a connection versus just feels surface level.

do you believe jc’s endgame is to die together?

i think i have communicated much of this already, but let’s just say i am more open to the possibility than most jb/jaime ppl, but i am not at all as certain of it happening as most ppl in general fandom seem to be, and i am also not a huge fan of it personally. here is my perspective:

yeah, it is explicitly integrated into their belief system. it faded from jaime’s, as he did abandon her, and already often contradicted it through moments of being ready to recklessly die, or his passive suicidal ideation, but it was always present as a key aspect of their ‘destined lovers’ delusion. the thing with me though is that i dont really think this is how george tends to do foreshadowing? he does love to be unpredictable. and i have seen this argument many times before by other people who doubt this being their trajectory. not to mention the whole idea seems to get deliberately deconstructed over time.

jaime comes to the realization that she was the stranger (and we know he is cersei’s stranger, but she does not think he means death). he starts treating the relationship very differently (george says they are “effectively estranged”), and their fate is no longer entwined in his head. them saying they will die together is telegraphing that is very in your face. i mean the text is telling us what would happen explicitly. is that supposed to be deliberate and meant to be a tragic irony? i can see it working from that perspective maybe. but i think this aspect would still be effective without the double death necessarily, even though i can see how the wording may be deliberate here, i just have certain thematic gripes with it. we know these two are not supposed to be reliable narrators when they say this. their relationship is a twisted attempt at self-love. again, i get that there is a subversion happening with cersei being killed by him for one, but is the belief system supposed to end up “endorsed” by the text from the pov of jaime’s character, even if it is tragically ironic? what i am saying is that ig i would be more certain of it happening if cersei did not keep repeating it explicitly atp while jaime is completely contradicting it simultaneously. if they are supposed to doom each other, what is really the point of that divergence? of the deconstruction of such a narrative in jaime’s head? why not send jaime back and have him not make those kind of key choices? jaime’s arc is supposed to be about choices (“whatever he chose…”), and defining his own fate and identity (like you do not even have to believe it is about exploring redemption to get this out of the text), so i really still cannot help but dislike the idea that this is set in stone despite everything that he keeps doing and the choices that he keeps on making. like there is an essentialist aspect to this belief system that i would prefer to be subverted honestly from the perspective of his character. i want all of these choices to have some kind of result (the letter, oathkeeper, the pit, rejecting her because of certain ultimatums even before the cheating reveal, abandoning the pursuit of the brotherhood for the vow to cat in adwd). + the hand that held her foot could have very well been the one that got chopped, so there is symbolism there. he is not tied to her. and that hand loss and “change” is constantly emphasized when it comes to JC. and i really do not want jaime to die before having some kind of confrontation with bran tbh. and i have talked about the widow’s wail thing before. if jaime is gonna wield it (which i think there is a set up for), then he would have to come out of KL alive with it. the weirwood dream also has them separate. her torch being the ‘only light in the world’ is replaced by brienne’s sword’s fire being the only one still burning in his darkness when the ghosts rush in.

this is another argument that i have seen before, and see validity in. george does write that belief system as something that has an element of ‘sociopathy.’ like of course it isn’t meant to be ‘romantic’. and jaime is also growing out of it. his relationship with a lot of characters now, brienne included, is a testament. i do not at all mind if jaime dies down the line, i just really would prefer it if there is some form of triumph over the self when it comes to his ending. i also atm cannot imagine how it would go, and what would cause jaime’s death, and how they would “leave the world together” logistically with the valonqar prophecy existing. so while i think george might be capable of executing it in a way that i could like, and i see that tragic irony working out, i still am not crazy about it as a concept atm for all the reasons above. we will see.

I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS IF YOU DONT MIND—

How many words do you currently have on your next chapter of Vulnerability? If you’ve started it, of course, life can get rough sometime •~•

What inspired you to make your Vulnerability and The Obsidian King fanfictions? Personal experiences or seeing some other people doing some romantic stuff or maybe another fanfiction?

What’s the best part of writing these two stories? Developing the world, the actual characters, the romance?

What are your current favorite scenes in The Obsidian King fanfiction? Mine is when Prowl requests Jazz at that festival thing to welcome Prowl as king to play a piece that Jazz wrote himself. OH and when Prowl and Jazz stole sweets, that was really cute and adorable and omg I love them so much

Was there anything like really really big that you had to research for your two books that took awhile and maybe frustrated you a bit trying to figure out how to write that one scene or chapter?

Will you ever have a full cover design for your two fanfictions? I find it really interesting and cool when fanfiction writers put a cover at the beginning of their fanfiction as if it’s a real book! Of course if you’re never going to do that, it’s cool, I love all your fanart of them anyways and will just fan over it!

Where do you like to write? Like, in your bedroom, library, coffee shop? I personally like to write in my bedroom, all snuggled up and cozy. Except when I end up getting distracted by something in my room that takes me away from my story for a good 20 minutes or so -~-

LAST QUESTION I have so many, but a few of these are pretty big questions to answer so I’ll just send some more some other time ^-^

How does it feel knowing that people all around the world are reading your fanfictions and connecting with your story? Like, Vulnerability has 316 kudos and 4340 hits, and your Obsidian King fanfiction has 151 kudos and 1959 hits. Like- that’s a lot of people man, so how does that feel knowing you are pretty popular in terms of fanart and fanfiction writing?

WAH HELLO HSDGFHSDFS anon coming in clutch with these questions ok ok oh boy here we go. long ask, long answer \o/

currently, i'm at about 1.4k words. a big portion of that is the beginning/setup of the chapter and the rest is lots of dialogue. the average word count for the chapters seems to land above 6.5k words (ch2 was over 8k!) and since this chapter is probably going to be the most important of the entire fic, it may come out to be way more 🤔 we shall see

the obsidian king was purely because ppl kept getting curious if there was a fic, which made me think about it and it got me writing <3 it's not my proudest piece but i've had fun making it! it's an expansive universe and i'm afraid i may have bitten off more than i could chew and without the right prep, so i've lost a lot of confidence for it unfortunately

vulnerability on the other hand came after i binged the biggest blitzbee fics (such as roe, omtop, showstoppers). i told myself i probably wouldn't end up writing a fic for them but a good scene eventually occurred to me and i went with it. the more i fleshed out the setting, the more i realized how much i wanted to explore the raw concept of their ship that appears in many of their longfics. i wanted to dig into and challenge the typical "enemies in a life-or-death situation they must help each other get out of and end up in a secret relationship until blitzwing leaves the decepticons" — not because i didn't like that dynamic (are you kidding me i ADORE it) but because — copying and pasting an ao3 reply of mine — i wanted to take that and put my own huge spin to it. i wanted their growth to happen willingly and not out of necessity. a test to see, can this ship happen without a dire situation they're stuck in while staying true to their core characterizations? basically, is there a pattern to this ship for a reason or can it realistically work outside of that? it's been very fun :)

favorite thing about writing obkau is just all the idiots in love scenes. had me kicking my feet and smiling like a goof writing all that. the romance may be quick in that fic (speedrun!) but its for the shits n giggles n blushes — and on that note, my favorite scene also has to be the kitchen raid or perhaps the first time they were in the crystal gardens together :)

a lot of the research that's gone into obkau was more so for the au rather than the fic itself. things about crystals and their healing properties, names for ocs, city-states, lore doors to the lore mansion that needed a lore key to unlock, only obtainable through giant rants with my buddy mag until something clicks.

now, vulnerability is The Fic where the past 3 years of practice have been coming together and finally paying off. a lot of that practice was put into jazzprowl fics that unfortunately never made it out of my wips just yet, but they caused the many hours and days i spent studying plots, characterizations, natural and unique character dialogue, hidden details that circle back around... and that brings me to the next question: research! oh man...

i've brought up that i used suna_scribble's writing advice for reference, so i'll skip that part. that research did take me about a full month to look through and apply to my fic's plot, and i continued to develop it as time went on but it didn't particularly frustrate me. it did get tedious at times having to get certain points and details to come together but it was more of a fun challenge if anything. so along with that, in between chapters, i'd spend a couple weeks (legit hours a day straight) researching bpd for blitzwing. mounds and mounds of research. i looked at clinical sites, personal blogs of those with bpd, reddit/quora for outside (albeit very stigmatized but still important) perspectives, and admittedly, i glanced at fanfics to see how it was portrayed there (while still remaining critical of any inaccuracies). it is difficult to write an experience i've never had so figuring out that aspect probably took the most amount of effort to get through — and i'm still working on it! as the fic goes on, i hope for a better and more realistic portrayal of blitzwing's bpd, as it's pretty much become the driving force of the story and his character development

also i'm sure if anyone's been closely following my blog, they'd know i started learning german solely for the fact that i was trying to find a simple german phrase for blitzwing to say in my fic. and i now use my lil studies to sprinkle some more german into blitzwing's dialogue :)

i've thought about covers, mostly for one of the j/p wips i mentioned earlier, but not so much obkau or vulnerability. HOWEVER, i have thought of inserting illustrations into the obsidian king for certain scenes. like in between paragraphs or at the very end of a chapter. i never got around to exploring that more but with vulnerability, it could be a possibility too (i did make that comic but thats not something i'd insert in the fic itself)

i don't have many options for places to write but i've tried a good few spots. where i end up most is in the basement (basically our family room) with a bird video on for my cat. i've had a hard time writing in my bedroom and at places not my house (except back in high school, i would write ALL the time when i had the chance — if i wasn't already busy reading fic) but i once sat outside with my phone when it was drizzling and wrote out a good portion of chapter 1 for vulnerability. never been able to replicate that tho besides once bringing my laptop out on a sunny day. few times, i've done some writing in bed, typically before sleep, but most of it was reading over what i had already written and making small edits since i prefer to use my laptop for writing (felt that about the distraction tho lol guess in a way, it's easier to get distracted on my phone than my laptop)

in all honesty, those numbers pale in comparison to what my art and my old old writing back on ffn (no i am NOT showing you.) garnered (as well as other tf fics), but regardless of that, those are pretty big numbers and it will always feel weird if i think too hard about it. weird in a good way. it's easy to think of kudos and hits as just numbers but those are, in fact, people. individual people who decided to give your work a shot and drop a lil heart on it. out of the millions of things they could have possibly chosen, they chose yours.

call me humble, call me oblivious, but i really am not fully aware of my influence in the fandom. i don't know how i impact others, how many truly know me and like my work, how many find me to be cool or famous in our little corner of the world, how most even perceive me, and i certainly don't know the effects of my writing. i'm just a guy making art of stupid little gays and y'all are hitching a ride

feel free to ask more :)

finally got the time to read chapter 3 of ptolemaea…. MISTER NIFTY AND MISTER NEAT JSKSBSJSNS CRYINGGGG SOBBING

Bob and henry have my whole heart I love them so muchhhh and young Scott is exactly how I’ve envisioned him, I also love how u write henry in regards to his trauma n how it can warp your perspective of situations, I relate so hard to how he downplays or twists things in his head because of what he’s been thru like being excited by hearing that Scott liked him to deciding it must just be fascination or something and settling on that. And I like how u don’t hold back w him still being triggered by the actions/words of ppl who have good intentions, that’s v real. And his pang of fear at the mere mention of doctors, also v real.

I felt it IN MY SOUL henry would take to sleeping in an oversized t shirt that’s why I always draw him it one !!!! I started kicking my feet when I read that

THE WAY I GASPED WHEN THEY WENT TO THE LIBRARY AND READ THE EDWARD TIMELINE PAPER DJSKSNS not bob calling it all a big coincidence lol

I also just love the small touches of references from the show like Henry’s insistence on “it’s not safe” and a bunch of others I noticed while reading like that

The pacing of it all is rlly satisfying too Im so intrigued

<3<3<3 shsksnsj

THEY'RE A PAIR!!! DO NOT SEPARATE!!!

The Bob-Henry dynamic has been so fun because like. Bob's in kind of this Steve-like role? Where he's a teenager himself but he's just got this kinda batshit kid attached at his hip and he has NO idea what the hell is going on. but he's here for it 🫡 Which is kind of akin to his role in ST2. Mans has NO idea what he's getting into, but dammit he's going to be helpful!!

Young Scott is my sweetie pie pookie little guy. He's got so much enthusiasm. He's dramatic and a little over the top sometimes which...looking at the dramatics he uses in canon as an adult? Yeah. 15 year old Scott feels like an absolute goober of a kid. He puts so much energy behind his interaction with Henry, it's just natural for him to. He's kind of puppy-like in that way; he charges forward with so much enthusiasm, only to realize a bit later that he may have come on a little strong and that he needs to be a little gentler. He's learning how to interact with Henry in a way that isn't overwhelming, but he's doing it without framing that change as burdensome (like we see with Max in canon, when she corrects him on her name and he just goes with it like it's no big deal). I adore him. He's such a good kid.

Young Henry has been a joy to write honestly. There's a delicate balance between capturing the fact that he's just some snarky teenager and having that trauma come in with a steel chair every once in a while. Because like a lot of the time that's how it is with trauma. Henry's got baggage, sure, but it's not everything all the time. He can still be and think about so many other things outside of his experiences in the lab. It just means his perception of himself is a little warped and certain settings/phrases make the hurt kick up a little dust.

Like that's how trauma goes! It's the lights going on in the foyer, something Bob doesn't think twice about re: the Creels, and Henry being hit hard with the last time he was there. It's Henry having a nightmare about something that was done to him, or a mistake he made that had disastrous consequences, and that turning around to color his self worth, making him go from expressive and present to completely shut down in a matter of seconds. Like you said, it's Bob with the best intentions (Bob, who's 100% correct), trying to get him to see a doctor for his concussion and him getting snappy about it out of fear.

And that's something that follows Henry, too, into adulthood. His mother still haunts him. Brenner still haunts him. The self-esteem issues still haunt him. It all just happens less frequently/with less intensity. It never goes away, he just...gets used to it. He gets better at pushing it away.

But anyway moving on!! Yes!!! He's such an oversized t-shirt guy. Personally I was thinking about that John Mulaney bit about the ghost of the little girl vs him in the too-big sleep shirt, because that's SO Henry. (Was there ever a ghost? Or was it just me all along?)

And okay like. As one of the main timeline theorists on this hellsite, I had to include my baby Edward in here somewhere. Yes, he is going to be plot important. It may or may not end up being canon compliant. We'll see how it fleshes out!! But yeah Bob doesn't know what he's getting into lmao he's seeing the Surface. Hell, even Henry doesn't know what's going on with that, but he knows that every "coincidence" has something more to it, even if he doesn't know what that something entails.

Okay okay and finally. I'm a slut for direct references to canon. Henward/El/Will are all canonically very similar to each other, it's just that they're shaped by differing circumstances. That is to say, 15 year old post-lab Henry would react to things in a mixture of El and Will: shoving hurt down/turning it inwards while also taking matters into his own hands and refusing to let others help. So...I would die before missing chances to make references!! (there's also a Robin-Steve reference, in chapter 2, I think, about being friends with 15 year olds pfft)

Gougjhfghjf I'm so glad the pacing is coming across alright!! I have No idea how long this fic is going to be so I'm just. writing how it comes and seeing how far it goes!!

<3 <3 <3

i desperately want to write some kind of (potentially the last of us part 2 vibes inspired [aka just gay, country, cozy, and gritty]) established monster apocalypse fic with slightly aged up characters but i can't make up my mind on whether i want to write ...

a season one-esque retelling in the sense that will goes missing and the party ignores the safe zone's rules to go off and find him + they run into a feral eleven who helps them but fails to mention at first that she comes from the colony tht took will and it's kind of like a prison break type of fic too but overall it's all about hope and new beginnings and waaaay too close calls and The Power Of Friendship and coming home and being scared but doing it anyway and many many Realizations of the homosexual variety

by|er are boy besties and have been ever since they met on the rusty rickety swings and it's very much Day In The Life Of Two Monster Apocalypse Survivors Who Are NOT Dating Seriously Stop We're NOTTTTT Hehe<3 until Shit Goes Down and Oh God Oh Fuck What The Hell And FUCK FUCK FUCK WAIT NO STOP PLEASE and oops what do ya kno eddie/bob/hopper/insert other influential mentor character here jus got fed to a pack of demo-dogs or something else equally as horrific by some rival group and the party is helpless to do anything but watch and so after they hold the funeral they go off to avenge them (aka SHUT UP yes it's jus a tlou2 knock-off basically maybe don't look @ me) + it's about the lengths you'd go to for the ones that you love, what parts of yourself you lose and find on the path to revenge, what it means to be alive vs actually living, making your own way in the world, how much you can change before you become someone else entirely, what it means to actually honor the ones you lose, and The Healing Power of Love of course

fuck the "will goes missing" trope all my homies hate the "will goes missing" trope, this time .....okokok maybe will does go missing actually BUT mike is right on his tail bc Over My Dead Body Will You Take My Best Friend Away From Me and maybe they get chased away far enough by whatever monster that they get lost because it's all in the middle of their settlement falling/being overrun and it's nighttime and they don't know what's happening everything was fine just thirty minutes ago wtfwtfwtf and they have to find their way back home and there's lots of hurt/comfort of the physical and emotional variety bc Everything Happens So Much and when have they ever gotten a break literally ever + it's about finding hope where it feels like there is none, "just hold on a little longer, okay?", learning what makes home feel like home, us against the world-isms, will gets bitten by a demo-bat or something and doesn't tell mike (don't worry he's immune lol) but mike soon realizes anyway bc will is shifting his weight weirdly and mike is Always looking at him (but not in a gay way bro i sWEAR bro we're FRIENDS We Are Friends now hold my hand pls), aka Paladin and The Cleric vibes 100% essentially jus two gay hooligans and their awful very bad no good week away from the camp

will and el aren't The Chosen Ones so the monster apocalypse happens anyway without them causing it but when will was taken away it was because his test results came back weird n brenner's team wanted to study him for Finding A Cure reasons but something goes wrong one day and they both make it out of the lab (& maybe word gets around to other settlements abt two missing teens n mike finds a poster while out and when he takes it back n shows ppl it just gets him looks of pity but not from joyce, the only other person that never lost hope). fast forward to feral will-el being a two man wolf pack that are just trying to find will's family wherever they may be now (will corrects her and tells her its their family btw and he's told her so much abt them at this point that it really does feel like she's known them her whole life almost bt she's secretly scared to hope that they're still alive even if she'd never tell him that bc she jus wants a family so much she doesn't want to be let down if they aren't) and this one is more of like ... A Day In The Life / Character Study type of fic bc they Do find the party (they break in somewhere to get supplies n there's so many monsters n the last time they all saw each other they were kids and will-el are covered up so they don't recognize each other n ofc will-el are bandits so they get captured and then yanno. they rip off will's face coverings and it's like Omgggg Surprise It's Me Aha Sorry I Bit You And Almost Took Your Knee Out And Hit You With A Metal Pipe Can You Please Uncuff Me Now Hehe<3). aka will-el find their way back home and now they have to figure out what home really is and how to reintegrate into society. it's about the ghosts of your past, reconciling what you knew with what's in front of you, falling back into old habits and having to learn new ones, falling in love all over again, mike waking up from the same nightmare he always has and going to will's room in the dead of night because he has to be SURE that this is real that will's actually alive that it really is him right in front of him and that he hasn't been taken away again and that this isn't just another dream within a dream, learning how to be a human being again, and it ends with someone's wedding ofc.

Helo I just wanted to say I totally get having that horrible sense of inadequacy. Like I've been dealing with imposter syndrome for a while and it stems from depression (which I only got diagnosed with like a month ago) Like I'd joke about having depression and imposter syndrome a lot but a few weeks back idk I kinda realized wow it's like. Actually real. I may joke about this thing and how I wanna hide under a rock and delete my blog but when I stop using humor to soften the blow I actually do, and that is not normal at all. So yea I'm starting therapy soon and hopefully that's something we can touch on because hating everything I make no many how many ppl say it's good is not normal or healthy, and just think about how many other ways it bleeds into my self-image (friendships, relationships, general self-esteem, etc) Like if you're hating everything you make there's a good chance it's not just effecting how you view your art but how you view yourself.

So yeah if you haven't considered it yet, maybe look into therapy and/or see a psychiatrist to see if you could possibly get diagnosed with depression, cause it kinda sorta saved my life. I kept bottling things up and telling myself I was being dramatic, isolating myself, trying to erase myself from the world, and before I knew it I was on the verge of suicide. Sorry if that got too dark.

Like... chances are your brain is trying to tell you something is wrong. Whether it's with mental health, an irl situation or something else. If you feel these negative emotions about what you create, there's a reason behind it.

Obviously you're a different person with different experiences and none of this may apply to you, but I still urge you to take these feelings seriously because you do not deserve to feel like this. You deserve to say your thoughts honestly, to have fun writing/drawing with ocs, make fics, just have fun and create. It does not have to be the most imaginative thing ever, the most beautiful or the most complex. It just needs to bring you joy because finding happiness in expression is what life's about in my opinion.

Yea this got really long and I hope none of it was annoying, I just really want you to take care of yourself and stay safe, okay?

You're loved, and what you create, however small, is precious. There's only one of you and you are enough

First off I just wanna say that I totally feel you and agree on a lot of this Anon! I'm glad that you were able to get diagnosed and able to take the next step into getting help and feeling better!! It's so so important when you're dealing with all these intense, and serious, emotions!!! 💕

(gonna put the rest under the cut)

I do certainly appreciate the concern too! I've actually been diagnosed for bipolar depression for a good 15 years now, just a lot of personal things have happened since that's hindered me from getting the help I need. So these feelings and stuff certainly aren't anything new to me BUT therapy and getting medicated is something I now have the ability to work towards this year, so I'm getting there slowly but surely! ✨