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#which is like reasonably enough it would not be that big of a deal if my tooth hadn't started eating itself from the inside out
aurae-rori · 2 days
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DR RATIO ANALYSIS PT 3 BUT IT'S JUST GAY
Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, you've done part one, and part two, so why do we need a part three?" The answer is because of two things - one. I made a deal with the Tumblr Peoples that if one of my posts hit more than 50 likes I would do this analysis. Two. Mihoyo is making this shit canon. I CAN'T MAKE THIS UP. So, let's delve into my usual disclaimer, as we might have some new people joining us for the first time with my insanity.
I have been researching psychology personally for about six years, so although I am not a professional (crawling my way there through the education system. I will be one, one day.) I do have some experience with analyzing homosexuals. Psychology hours, my children. They don't call me "chronically cooking" for nothing. Maybe I should change my url to that...
NOW THAT MY LONG AHH DISCLAIMER IS OVER, LET'S GET INTO THIS! It's time to deconstruct these homosexuals like a modern airplane, because they might as well be taking off with how canon they are.
"It can't be canon," they say, but then Mihoyo DOES PAID SPONSORSHIPS WITH THESE FUCKERS BEING GAY. We've all seen the paid partnership edit. We've all seen the video where Aventurine has the audio of "nice rack" as he talks to Dr. Ratio. PAID SPONSORSHIPS. Now, if that piece of evidence isn't enough for you - let's dive into their actual relationship, which is just a HOMOSEXUAL MESS. I will be focusing more on how Dr. Ratio sees this guy as this is a Dr. Ratio analysis™, but hey, the crumbs.. we eat 'em all. Amen.
Let's start off (I say as I write this part three days later) about how people are like, 'Aven is Ratio's favourite idiot' WRONG. Ratio does NOT consider Aventurine to be an idiot and knows that he is smart and capable in his own right. While Ratio is book smart, Aven is extremely street smart and holds his own very well. Ratio does not consider Aventurine to be an idiot as he takes off his plaster head around him and actually indulges in his whims around him. This is a blatant showcase of fondness because although he is emotionally constipated and can't be affectionate through words without sounding semi-backhanded because he's never had true affection in his life, he showcases his love through actions rather than words. He's just bad at showing love, okay? But he does love Aven. Or like him, to some extent, if you don't want to see them as romantic, which is fine. However, no matter what you label their bond as, it's obvious that they care for one another.
Also, the fucking ZEST FEST that was 'keeping up with Star Rail'. He says, "wait a minute - MUTUAL?" which indicates that he has respect for Aventurine in the first place. He LITERALLY TOLD US that he respects Aventurine and he was commenting on Aventurine's playstyle & everything.. also, at the end, he was here because 'I appreciate this show's dedication to knowledge' - his TONE. Kudos to the VA because that was not convincing at all. Bro was NOT here for the knowledge, bro was here to be GAY!!! Also his little own bathtub couch. We all know Aven bought it for him. Trust, I am John Hoyoverse.
"The Charming Audacity" HUH? BRO? Okay this is hilarious to me because this is the first time that we ever really see them interact with one another, and we get absolutely bitchslapped in the fact that Dr. Ratio calls this guy's audacity 'charming'. That's GAY. That's HOMOSEXUAL.
Also, comparing him to a peacock.. a very beautiful bird.... Must I say more?
Now, the part that I really want to focus on is the part where he gives the Doctor's Note to Aventurine. This shit is important. And I agree with the people who are like - Acheron helped him. Because she did. She was a big part of it and she helped Aventurine get back on his feet in the void. Dr. Ratio is not his only reason to live, but the note, showing that someone will stay by his side? Showing that someone truly cares for him? Someone who's waiting for him when he get back? This bond that he has with Dr. Ratio isn't fake. He already has a starting point to get back to - an anchor to return to. Dr. Ratio is his anchor. Whenever he goes off to do crazy shit, Veritas Ratio will be there when he returns. Because Ratio is loyal. Ratio cares. He cared enough to almost jeopardize their plan to make sure that Aventurine was going to be okay. He cares so damn much about Aventurine that he decided that this man's emotional state after the fake betrayal was more important than all of fucking Penacony.
If you want an example of "I would let the world burn for you," it's Ratio. He's a romantic not in the traditional sense, but he cares and loves Aventurine so damn much it makes my heart hurt. "Do stay alive," he says, knowing that Aventurine struggles with living. Those three words mean the whole fucking world to someone who struggles with suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Someone wants you to live. Someone wants you to stay. Someone wants you by their side.
Dr. Ratio cares. Let me say that again - he cares. He banters with Aventurine, tries to create an environment where Aventurine can feel a little bit more comfortable with the two of them, even in a place as dangerous as Penacony. He will put his own life on the line for Aventurine.
He cares. He cares so damn much. I hate gay people. They make me VIOLENTLY homophobic.
Dr. Ratio after expressing his care indirectly and complimenting Aventurine indirectly: Did I do it?
Aventurine, who has caught none of the hints:
Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
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koiiiiijiii · 19 hours
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being in big deals from beginning with Sinu, but leaving with Samuel after
pairing ; samuel seo x reader x jake kim
tw ; polyamorous, mfm, possessive! samuel
author note ; my first time writing for lookism and for this two, also im on chapter 343 only, so if something not accurate enough im sorry!! ALSO celebrating 400 followers!! and even tho ask box is closed, i still want to do something nice for you, so if you want you can leave your requests for SHMOL sketches under, i will do it super short and put it in one post!! lookism and windbreaker💋✨💐🤸🏼‍♀️
author note 2 ; not proofed, i wrote it after work with one eye open, so i just throw it to chat gpt to check any mistakes, if you find any you know who you can judge😤🫸🏻
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⋆𐙚₊˚ you have been with big deals even before Jake and Samuel joined, which means you were more close with Sinu, who was like a older brother figure for you
⋆𐙚₊˚ you always were good with calculating and make predictions so you literally was the reason why big deals didn’t have any debts to any other gangs or companies
⋆𐙚₊˚ when Jake and Samuel joined big deals they firstly didn't pay too much attention, just another girl spinning around Sinu, nothing new
⋆𐙚₊˚ but then they started to notice that you always appears at every meeting, even if it were just for big deal, not including girls who work on their street, always whispering something on Sinu ear and checking some papers
⋆𐙚₊˚ it was slow burn in beginning, they payed you more attention on meetings, started more small talks time to time, as soon as they caught that you are actual part of big deals. also, later they learned that you actually liked Sinu as older brother, and that was the moment when they start... acting…
⋆𐙚₊˚ of course you had your small moments together before. like you accidentally fall asleep on Jake’s shoulder when everybody celebrated another holiday, or when you asked both of them to show you some actions, - in case if you will be alone on the street, so you can protect yourself - and seemed that Samuel got a little carried away and pushed you too hard, but catching you by your wrist just moment before your head was about to hit the ground
⋆𐙚₊˚ there were always that moments between three of you
⋆𐙚₊˚ but first one who started to show off were Samuel
⋆𐙚₊˚ he already were jealous over the fact that Sinu choosed Jake as his favourite one, so he can’t let Jake to have yours attention as well. later it will be worse, when he will learn who Jake’s father was
⋆𐙚₊˚ Samuel would always flirt with you making it crystally clear that he likes you, and you wouldn't even notice it because of amount of work for big deals and of homework you still had in school
⋆𐙚₊˚ and when Samuel brutally flirts with you, trying to get your attention, Jake would snort, turning his eyes somewhere else, trying to ignore it and telling Jerry to "stop say stupid stuff like this" when he, once again tried to push his boss to admit his feelings towards you
⋆𐙚₊˚ for Jake it's complicating because he see how Samuel likes you, so he doesn’t want to ruin everything even tho he himself had so many feelings towards you
⋆𐙚₊˚ and Jake waited for too long...
⋆𐙚₊˚ when Samuel took leading position in big deals you were forced to stay by leader side to help him earn as much money as possible to pay to big four, but when Samuel left big deals for workers he asked you to go with him
⋆𐙚₊˚ Samuel was far from gentle man, but when his huge arms hugged your shoulders from behind, softly murmuring into your ear to come with him in new gang, to join him and stay by his side, offering you simply better life, where you won't need to calculate how to save more money until next month, where you will be able to buy expensive clothes, where you can offer yourself jut... more... it was hard to resist to Samuel espesially when you lived your whole life expecting how to safe money to the next month and economize as much as you can
⋆𐙚₊˚ so thats how you left big deals with Samuel, still with heavy heart for Sinu and big deals in general
⋆𐙚₊˚ Jake was feral when Jerry told him that. in his head it was more like Samuel forced you. oh, Jake were fully aware that Samuel were able to use power over girls, and Jake blamed himself for the fact that you had to leave the big deals
⋆𐙚₊˚ when you and Samuel become part of workers, he won’t let you go far away from him. you would be his personal assistant and manager. everything but always by his side. you always. by his side. always. Samuel even went that far that he rent big apartments for both of you, of course with separate rooms, you still didn’t accept his feelings and were naive about what kind of emotion you rise in him
⋆𐙚₊˚ Jake tried to contact you few times but, oh wow, what a surprise, Samuel always were the one to pick up the phone, telling him to leave you alone
⋆𐙚₊˚ to say less Jake felt terrible back then, things that happened to Sinu, Gun Park and his big four gangs, praises about money and the heir at his place, big deals, everything at one time…
⋆𐙚₊˚ and then prison… Jake felt like biggest loser on this planet
⋆𐙚₊˚ and he would never wish you to see all horrors of this place, but here you are sitting on the other side of safety glass, looking too beautiful to place like this, too pretty in your fitted white shirt and pleated skirt. Jerry probably yanked you right out of the office. another self note - to chastise Jerry next time for bringing you to place like this
⋆𐙚₊˚ “Jake… im sorry, i had no idea what happened to you” you murmured softly into the receiver of the phone connecting the two sides. “Samuel never said anything about that… I was shocked when Jerry just caught me near office and crammed me in the car”
⋆𐙚₊˚ after that day, you came to Jake more often, slipping away from Samuel under the pretext that you wanted to meet an old friend from school and he didn't need to attend girls' gatherings
⋆𐙚₊˚ when Jake finally got out of prison, one of the first things that he did was ask you to eat ramen together. you told him everything about your new life, that now you live with Samuel and he takes care about everything, starting with payments for apartments, finishing with fuel for car, as he always ready to ride you to any part of city
⋆𐙚₊˚ Jake felt feral when you told him whole story.
⋆𐙚₊˚ not only that bastard not tell you what happened to Jake, but he also controlled the calls and forced you to live with him. Jake knew what Samuel's feelings were for you, even if you perceived his care and relationship as friendly or brotherly, Jake still guessed what was behind it. but he never imagined that his friend would get to the point where he would keep you with him 24/7 and secretly control your phone calls from anybody from big deals
⋆𐙚₊˚ after that meeting Jake knew that he can’t offer you to stay at his small room he rent, even if he really wanted you to stay more by his side. he didn't tell you about his guesses about Samuel, you don't have to worry, yet you were safer with him than with Jake now. the only thing he did before sending you home in a taxi was hug you so tightly - tightly, it seems that his hands were a little lower than he should have allowed himself, and his hot breath was a little off when his lips were too close to your neck.
⋆𐙚₊˚ in the end, Jake pushed your hair off your forehead, and pressed his lips firmly to your forehead, shut his eyes and quietly promised himself to deal with Samuel later
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cheesycatz · 3 days
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What I imagine Spamton NEO would theoretically look like in the Wormton AU
Wormton doesn't actually know that NEO exists. He's never been inside of the mansion and never picked up the phone (Wormton himself would've have even been alive whenever the phone person tried to call canon Spamton, and whatever malworm found it would've rather chewed the cord off than listen to them). Still, I'm sure that he would absolutely want NEO if he knew what it was and how to use it.
Explaining myself under the cut:
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How NEO works
In my personal interpretation, the NEO body is incomplete. The lightner abandoned it, so its code was never finished. Since it exists in the dark world, when a darkner (Spamton) attempts to use it, the body relies on that darkner's code to finish its own, causing NEO to respond differently to whichever darkner loads themself onto it. For example, my sneo design takes from the dormant bird-like attributes left over from Spamton's code before he turned into a puppet, resulting in exaggerated claws, fur, and feathered wings (this is definitely not just an excuse to make sneo a big bird beast).
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For Wormton here, NEO took from his parasitoid wasp elements to create his translucent wings. I considered making him wingless, but I think they help change his silhouette and make him stand out. The green wires attach to his tail instead of his back, as I imagine he'd be crawling around on the walls a lot during the hypothetical bossfight. I put him at the same scale as puppet spamton to regular sneo, which puts Wormton NEO at 75 feet long. He's gained some fluffy antennae to mimic NEO's original wings, but lost some fur in order to show off the now metallic parts of his exoskeleton. His body is chunkier than regular wormton and the triangular chest opening has been changed to resemble the ribcage-like shape of wormton's "hearts" (aortic arches, what earthworms have). I decided I'd rather not deal with ten colors in one pallete and stuck with the pink and yellow parts from the original NEO design.
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If Wormton NEO did exist, I imagine that he'd once again attempt to take Kris's soul once he realizes that he's tethered to the mansion. Ignoring that NEO just ceases to exist without the wires, I imagine that Wormton would want to use it to control the city. He's now big enough that he could probably cave in a building if he wanted to, so I don't think Cyber City would have a great time if this thing was let loose. With his newfound power, Wormton would no longer have a reason to hide, considering he could crumple any antivirus like a can. His disguise is more of a finger puppet than a costume at this scale, anyways. Perhaps he'd keep the addisons alive, picking them up and treating them like dolls while he begins to infect and destroy the city. Or, the addisons, alongside everyone else, evacuate to castle town, leaving him to starve alone in an abandoned city.
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While NEO doesn't get to exist in the Wormton AU, Wormton does draw himself as NEO once, imagining a larger version of himself with colorful fluffy wings. It's much more pleasant that what he would end up with.
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ashen-char · 3 days
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dating max fox - hcs
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ship: max fox (better things) x gender neutral reader
warnings: none
notes: look at her she's so cute!!!!
✦ sleeps in. she'd sleep until mid-afternoon if you let her. and max is hard to wake up since she's so stubborn
✧ on days where you two don't have to do much, it's easiest to let her sleep on your chest while you scroll on your phone
✧ when max wakes up, she likes to keep cuddling with you and just watch what you're doing on your phone
✧ she's a big fan of TikTok time, which is where you scroll on your FYP and you both crack jokes and watch together. max is singlehandedly ruining your FYP algorithm by liking the most random stuff
✧ e.g. she watches parenting tips all the way through, making TikTok think you wanna see more. when you tease her about it, max says it's "for our future" and either holds your hand or kisses your cheek
✧ she says sleeping next to you is the most comfortable and safe she's ever felt <3
✧ adores cuddles. can't get enough of them. max always curls up next to you and you can tell if it was a tough day if she doesn't want to talk much
✦ tells you all about her siblings
✧ max doesn't like to show it and would never admit it to them, but she's so proud watching frankie and duke became people. she tells you about their latest achievements, or the rants about the last fight they had
✧ if a fight with her mom/siblings was particularly nasty, max comes to you for comfort. max worries about if she's gone too far, and you reassure her that they know she cares
✧ speaking of her family bond, it was crucial to max that you fit in with everyone. and of course, you were welcomed with open arms and immediate inside jokes
✧ max called them all embarrassing (she loved it)
✦ max isn't afraid to express her feelings, and that can lead to lashing out if she feels scared or angry
✧ she says things more harshly than she means to, which was hard for you at the start when you didn't know how much of a softie she is
✧ it didn't take long for max to realise she was messing things up. and she really liked you. so she decided to be vulnerable
✧ her hopes, fears, dreams, she shared them all. max couldn't bear you thinking that she didn't care when really the reason why she lashed out was because she cared so much.
✧ she's scared of losing you. and sometimes max worries that she's too much, or she's too freaked out about everything, so she closes herself off
✧ like, maybe you'll like her more if she deals with her shit alone and only has good times with you
✧ when you assure her that you want every part of her, the good and the bad, max completely breaks down
✧ you were surprised by how insecure your girl really is. under that confident persona, in some ways max is still that little kid that was rattled by her parents' divorce
✧ does love actually exist? can it last? was it her fault?
✧ not to mention all of max's past break-ups and short-term relationships
✧ she admitted that before you, max used to wonder if she was meant to go it alone forever. that she'd be too intense for anyone to stick around if they weren't forced to - like her family or her best friend, paisley
✧ you need to reassure her. a lot. but it's so worth it when max opens up. she wouldn't agree with you, but you think she's the best at love that you've ever seen
✧ despite her tough exterior, max is fiercely loyal. she'll stand by your side through thick and thin. she's got unwavering support and all the encouragement you need, even if that's with a lot of swearing and colourful imagery
✦ max's creative flair means all the romance impromptu poetry readings
✧ a surprise song about you, with max serenading you on her guitar. a pottery class where you make matching plates. homemade dinners under the stars (yes, it's a little burnt but she tried her hardest)
✧ she just likes creating shared memories with you, even if something ends up going haywire
✧ max also has this rebellious streak and thirst for adventure. your dates are spontaneous and never the same as the last. she'll surprise you by impulsively taking you on a road trip and you'll have the time of your life
✦ the love language(s) that max finds easiest to express is physical touch and quality time
✧ with max being the oldest, she has the most memories of life when her parents were still together. she knows how important time together is, because her dad not being around was the beginning of the end
✧ which is why max loves being with you in comfortable silence. she adores having someone she can just be chill with, someone who doesn't judge, and likes her the way she is
✧ max likes taking care of you when you're sick. she'll make soup and some hot tea, and even ask sam for some home remedy, bringing that all up to you on a tray
✧ then, she'll sit with you and tell you about her day. even if you're sweating out a fever, max doesn't care. she'll play with your hair and dab your forehead with a towel
✦ the love language that max loves to receive is words of affirmation
✧ that's actually why she fell for you in the first place - you gave her a genuine compliment when you first met and max couldn't stop thinking about it
✧ you give her compliments on things that she didn't know others would notice or admire about her. every one makes her blush and playfully shove you away
✧ max tells you that you've made her a better person <3
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goodluckclove · 14 hours
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A Celebration!
So I have memory issues.
It's for a lot of reasons that I won't get into here, it's really not a big deal. But it plays a fun part in the way I form relationships, especially relationships online. To put it simply, I can no longer really remember how I met @mercuryytheraven. I think I made some post asking people to tell me what's keeping them from writing and challenging them to allow me to fix it. We spoke for maybe thirty minutes, and I remember them saying that they were working on a Warrior Cat's fan fiction, which tickled me because I didn't know people still read those books.
They essentially said that they've been trying to write for some time, but no matter what they did they could never get past around 100 words. Something always got in the way. If I'm being honest, I don't remember what I told them, but it must've been insightful because they've been messaging me almost daily ever since.
Eventually my brain just accepted the presence of this bright, dandelion-fluff of a human being. I would look at my phone and say oh hey, it's them again. I would tell my wife about their exploits and we would remember what it was like to be young and even more confused than we are on a daily basis. Quietly, and I have never told them this, but I started calling them my protege. I don't know if that's arrogant or not.
Mercury is such a treasure of spirit. All it takes is one conversation to see the depth of color they carry within them. They care so deeply and about so many things, a quality hard to find in a world so preoccupied with cynicism and meta post-irony. Not only are they already an insightful and deeply curious writer, they are also an incredibly skilled visual artist. I questioned the validity of the high standards they held themselves to again and again - but then I told myself that I once did the same thing.
When I met Mercury they said they never wrote more than 100 words. That was less than a month ago. Today they just finished the first chapter of the Warrior Cats fanfiction they've been brewing for years. It's just over 3500 words.
Friend, do you know how remarkable that is? Can you imagine that big a breakthrough? I cannot stress enough that this is an immense achievement - not unbelievable, very believable, but hard. Worthy of accolades. Worthy of relishing in!
One chapter is never just one chapter. It's the creation of something foundational that didn't exist before. It doesn't matter if it's a fluffy fanfic one shot or literary novel or long-form au or pulp genre shlock. It wasn't here before and now it is and that is one of the most wonderful things in the world to me.
You might know me as someone against the general romanticization of The Writer as an archetype, but it's moments like these that truly call that stance into question. Because what @mercuryytheraven did today, and what many of you do whenever you can, is truly a precious sacrament. It is ritualistic in nature, a human sacrifice where we are the blood offering and the result is a story birthed from our own transfer of matter.
It is beautiful. So please, if you can, send some congratulations in the direction of our friend and colleague. And the next time you reach a milestone you feel is too small to be remarkable, know that you're wrong. You're doing something special for yourself and those around you with every single word you write, whenever you can write it.
So go write it!
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thebad-lydrawn-sanses · 3 months
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Cross's assumption is correct, that's exactly what I'm implying. So be a good boy and lay down pls :3
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Cross: you-
Killer: implying what?
Cross: that they're gonna break my leg
Killer: .
↓ Damage Count ↓
999999999
999999999
999999999
999999999
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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months
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...
#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
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mantisgodsdomain · 1 year
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We do think that Riz is a gynandromorph of some description, especially since damselfly sexual dimorphism tends to be pretty distinct and he's displaying a very unconventional morph for a damselfly of any flavor. He would have no goddamned clue what that would mean, of course, and he probably wouldn't care about it if you told him, but he's definitely got something going on there.
#we speak#bug fables#for reference its a Thing for damselflies to have mimicry in the form of Females Who Look Like Males#but its a one-way street. theres no equivalent female-mimic morph for males#which makes riz Extremely Notable since hes displaying a real clear female morph there#and though being transgender would be very much possible for him we prefer this option#especially since it also offers extra reason why he's got such a broad palette compared to his sister and his father#guy is Unusually Big for a male damselfly and just didnt think twice about it. he feels like the sort of guy who just#wouldnt care overly much for self-definition we think. hes got a job to do. do you think he cares about how rare his genes are?#for his sister there is literally no way to tell if shes transfem or just a mimic morph and tbh good for her#we'll. drop some comparison images in a reblog for the irl damselflies#but in general we favor this one both bc it appeals to us more and bc riz just feels like the sort of guy who wouldnt care much abt gender#like. even if he were trans he feels like the sort of guy who would tell like three people about his pronouns#and then just go about his day and either they tell people or they dont and he doesnt particularly care either way#hes got things to do. traps to build. yes hes a guy but what is the point of making a thing out of it when theres poachers to deal with#he feels like the sort of dude to be Cis Guy enough that hes entirely confused as to what ur talking about if u try and misgender him#no clue where youre coming from but youre wrong#anyways back to spear fighting 101#(note: male and female used here as in the arbitrary sex categories. its the junk. we know its not accurate to being A People)#(its the terminology we've got in the back drawer)
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villainsidestep · 29 days
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me realizing fawniel is a more openly affectionate couple than fawnric: this is fucked up and evil behavior actually
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heartyearning · 8 months
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for some reason you have to be 23 to get a tooth implant so i NEEEEEEEEDDDD this one tooth to hold out for a year and a month. but on the other hand i kinda want it out of my mouth. but am i brave enough (hashtag girl) to live with a very visibly missing tooth. is the question.
#tmi if tooth or body stuff freaks you out but the reason i have that tooth there is because it was stuck in my gums#and i was still freaking it with my babytooth but also there was this experimental surgery that would be free#if i did it before i turned 16#where they basically pulled the baby tooth excavated the tooth from my gums then took the roots out (? is that how u say that?)#and then see if it fuzed with my jaw bone or not. Dear Reader It Has Not.#its literally hanging on by the grace of god and also my gum alone#which is like reasonably enough it would not be that big of a deal if my tooth hadn't started eating itself from the inside out#like ok i get that this is all very gross stuff but listen i live with this and i genuinely am wondering if i should just get it pulled#cause there is like. a hole in my tooth. like from the top. and the top ridge of said tooth is fully exposed on the outside#(its also understandably quite wobbly btw)#and anyway its just nasty cause stuff gets stuck and also the teeth neighbouring it hurt sometimes bc the gum's pulled back#and its a bit yellow and super visible in my smile and like i could just get it pulled.#and then i'd have to tough it out for a year and however long it'd take me to finance the replacement. or i'd grow not to mind it#and keep it like that forever.#IDK. im just getting tired of it and all this is brought on by the simple fact that i think a bit of broken tooth is stuck in the gap#(doesnt hurt obv bc its DENERVED thats the word in english its denerved but it is like annoying)
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steakout-05 · 23 days
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ok as an artist i personally find traditional painting to be. really really annoying. like. i do not have the patience for it and i just find it to be really frustrating to set up and actually do and i end up not liking the results. i find that there's little room for mistakes and trying to fix them usually ends up with me making 50 other ones, paints can be so inconsistent and having to rely on availability and certain brands to continue making the paint is really inconvenient, not to mention expensive. spending a bunch of time trying to mix the right shade of paint, only for it to go down a completely different shade of colour and not being able to do anything about it is so frustrating as someone who likes consistency and having things just, y'know, not change colour as soon as it dries. plus, they all use different chemicals and can go off really easily or change textures and i am just not ok with having all my materials having an expiration date like food. lead and graphite pencils just don't do that and they can last for years, they're more reliable. every paint is drastically different and trying to find the right one is not only time consuming but, again, expensive, and i don't even see the point in experimenting when most of my materials end up not even getting used if i don't like using them. plus, i'm just.... really impatient. waiting for paint to dry sucks and is why i much prefer digital or just drawing something because i don't need to wait for anything, it just works. and then when i do want to take my time and work slowly for a better result, it dries too fast. it's kinda hellish trying to balance that time, especially considering how inconsistent paints are.
i like to use guidelines when doing art and i find painting straight onto a canvas to be really tricky because there's a lack of direction for me to actually paint. i'm at a complete loss at what to do when i pick up a brush because i can't map it out first without risking screwing up the paint. there's just so many things to keep track of and so much wet paint to avoid and i just do not have the mind for it. putting colours on a canvas and praying that it works just isn't it for me and requires a discipline that i just don't wanna involve myself with. painting is also just like... really exhausting and kinda painful. i got some pretty bad back issues and my arms tire and get sore easily and quickly when i'm standing in front of a canvas. it's a really physical activity for me and i just don't find something to be very fun to do at all when it's physically hurting me. i know drawing on a canvas has this issue too, which is why i prefer sketchbooks. sitting down and drawing something that doesn't break my entire spine every time i do it is much more preferrable than questioning if i should go to the doctor every time i make a brushstroke, lol
that's not to say that there's nothing i like about painting though! i can paint simple little things, and i like doing that. i like mixing colours with a palette knife and i find it fun and even a little relaxing. i painted some cute little chibi cardboard cutouts of the mario brothers one time and i found that to be really fun and i think i'd like to do that again! but apart from that, i just do not have the patience for it. i love the look of traditional paintings and i find many to be really beautiful, but i could never get into actually doing it myself because i hate the process. i'm content with just sketching and doing digital stuff because that's more fun to me and less stressful of a process to do. it's fun, it allows for more mistakes, it's easier to build up layers of shading and lines, not to mention using building up a figure with guidelines is super helpful with visualising what i want it to look like, and i can just erase something if i don't want it there or want to change something. it just makes sense to me.
tl;dr i dont like painting because it's inconsistent, expensive, time-consuming, directionless, frustrating and it makes my back hurt really bad. i'll just stick to drawing stuff :)
#vent#artist vent#i hate painting#i hate it so much and i just cannot understand it nor do i have the patience for it#i seriously had a crack at it and i just find it to be so annoying#there's so much preparation and i'd much prefer just whipping out a pencil and eraser and scribbling something down#to be fair though i do enjoy other art mediums that require more preparation#i find crafts to be fun and i really like working with air dry clay#using clay is just creating a little creature and i really quite like it a lot#making little cardboard guys is fun if not a bit tricky sometimes because my hands are so big compared to the tiny bits of carboard im usin#but it's very fun and cardboard is easy to get#clay is not so easy to get but you can get a lot of it and make many things with it#the only things i really dont like about clay is fingerprints and the fear of having your art literally explode when you fire it up#but other than that? fun!#painting? not fun!#paint is so messy and i don't like having goopy stuff getting stuck on me and all over my fingers all the time funnily enough#if i bump into something (which is very likely for me because i am clumsy) then oouuguh there goes all the paint its everywhere now#oh my god you know what i hate the most. i hate oil paints. i hate them so much.#the smell gives me bad headaches and makes me feel faint and it's hard to clean and dispose of and it's just more chemicals to deal with#it's just acrylic but more annoying#i don't think it's edible either which is. frustrating#it's also harder to clean out if you get stained with it (which is very likely because paint is messy)#i just dislike oil materials in general. they smell weird and they do not wash off. i still have oil pastel stains on one of my favourite-#-shirts despite the fact that it has been washed multiple times. and it took several days and so much fucking scrubbing to get-#-it out of my nails and off my hands completely. actual hellscape.#i know graphite and lead pencils would never betray me like this#pencils are so reliable and i love them <3#pencils and drawing equipment in general are just more reliable and don't expire or develop inconsistent textures (except erasers for some-#-reason) and they don't! hurt! my! back!#like i'm over here needing to do the riker maneuver to sit down after i paint my back hurts so bad
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daydreamerdrew · 2 months
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Tales of Suspense (1959) #95
#I was shocked to see that Sharon was on such the same page as Steve#saying that she’s been seeing him in her dreams#meaning that like him she’s taking them to be fated to be together#she’d said before that she felt that they were linked together#but that came across differently to me because it was said in the heat of the moment in a battle#so this in its calmer context was still surprising to me#then declaring ‘There can never be anyone else for me- except you!’#is soo much#it’s not exactly clear if she’s aware that he thinks she’s another woman reborn#which is where his intensity is coming from#her intensity seems to be coming from heavily romanticizing the picture of Steve that Peggy painted for her in her stories#and growing up with that as her image of her dream guy#I like that because Steve and Sharon are both so dedicated to their work#going out like a normal couple would is a big deal for both of them#the fact that Steve wanted to /marry/ Sharon and live the rest of their lives together before he’s even learned her name#or spent enough time with her where they’d actually have to talk about the fact that he doesn’t know her name#is of course insane#I actually believe Sharon when she says the reason she can’t is because of her work and not because she doesn’t want to#and I actually really like that conflict and the fact that he doesn’t then pressure her to quit#despite the emphasis in his language in prior stories that she’s a woman#like saying how dare enemies of Shield attack a ‘defenseless girl’ of that the other men of Shield will help her when her mission goes awry#which inherently delegitimizes her#and oh my gosh- this man can make /anything/ about Bucky#anyway- when he gets all excited about spending the rest of his life with Sharon- this man is having some kind of episode#marvel#steve rogers#sharon carter#my posts#comic panels
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arcaneyouth · 5 months
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whats the nicest way i can explain the concept of rationing to my family without calling them stupid cunts and whores and reminding them about that one time i was literally starving because of them
#they ate all the fucking cookies from my aunts which you would think is not a big deal but ohoho!#i have literally said out loud to them many times this week that they never leave food for me and its exhausting#i thought they got the message#and what do i find going downstairs excited to eat the special treat my aunts give us once a year?#nothing.#they didnt even leave the shitty ass baby candy canes for me.#i had 1 cookie. out of 15. in a house with 6 people in it.#because they cant give enough of a shit about me to remember i exist#***after i explained this to them MULTIPLE. MULTIPLE TIMES THIS WEEK***#BECAUSE IT WAS THANKSGIVING AND THEY NEVER LEAVE LEFTOVERS AND I WAS AFRAID#AFRAID BECAUSE THAT COULD BE SOME MEALS FOR A WEEK OR TWO AND MY RATIONS WOULD LAST LONGER#AFRAID THAT THEY WOULD EAT EVERYTHING AND I WOULD STARVE AGAIN#the only reason the Thanksgiving food isnt gone is because im the only one with the patience to crack open crab legs with a butter knife#like . do they not fucking understand the reason i own a minifridge is because i am so terrified of running out of food#so i need a place to hide it away before they can take it from me#they clearly fucking don't.#i know its just some cookies i know i know i know but oh my God they're going to kill me some day#just like they nearly did a year ago#and the worst part is its not actively malicious.#they just dont care to remember i exist.#vent post#negative#anyways advice on how to confront them without stabbing them to death would be awesome
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cookinguptales · 1 year
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So I’ve been enjoying the Disney vs. DeSantis memes as much as anyone, but like. I do feel like a lot of people who had normal childhoods are missing some context to all this.
I was raised in the Bible Belt in a fairly fundie environment. My parents were reasonably cool about some things, compared to the rest of my family, but they certainly had their issues. But they did let me watch Disney movies, which turned out to be a point of major contention between them and my other relatives.
See, I think some people think this weird fight between Disney and fundies is new. It is very not new. I know that Disney’s attempts at inclusion in their media have been the source of a lot of mockery, but what a lot of people don’t understand is that as far as actual company policy goes, Disney has actually been an industry leader for queer rights. They’ve had policies assuring equal healthcare and partner benefits for queer employees since the early 90s.
I’m not sure how many people reading this right now remember the early 90s, but that was very much not industry standard. It was a big deal when Disney announced that non-married queer partners would be getting the same benefits as the married heterosexual ones.
Like — it went further than just saying that any unmarried partners would be eligible for spousal benefits. It straight-up said that non-same-sex partners would still need to be married to receive spousal benefits, but because same-sex partners couldn’t do that, proof that they lived together as an established couple would be enough.
In other words, it put long-term same-sex partners on a higher level than opposite-sex partners who just weren’t married yet. It put them on the exact same level as heterosexual married partners.
They weren’t the first company ever to do this, but they were super early. And they were certainly the first mainstream “family-friendly” company to do it.
Conservatives lost their damn minds.
Protests, boycotts, sermons, the whole nine yards. I can’t tell you how many books about the evils of Disney my grandmother tried to get my parents to read when I was a kid.
When we later moved to Florida, I realized just how many queer people work at Disney — because historically speaking, it’s been a company that has guaranteed them safety, non-discrimination, and equal rights. That’s when I became aware of their unofficial “Gay Days” and how Christians would show up from all over the country to protest them every year. Apparently my grandmother had been upset about these days for years, but my parents had just kind of ignored her.
Out of curiosity, I ended up reading one of the books my grandmother kept leaving at our house. And friends — it’s amazing how similar that (terrible, poorly written) rhetoric was to what people are saying these days. Disney hires gay pedophiles who want to abuse your children. Disney is trying to normalize Satanism in our beautiful, Christian America. 
Just tons of conspiracy theories in there that ranged from “a few bad things happened that weren’t actually Disney’s fault, but they did happen” to “Pocahontas is an evil movie, not because it distorts history and misrepresents indigenous life, but because it might teach children respect for nature. Which, as we all know, would cause them all to become Wiccans who believe in climate change.”
Like — please, take it from someone who knows. This weird fight between fundies and Disney is not new. This is not Disney’s first (gay) rodeo. These people have always believed that Disney is full of evil gays who are trying to groom and sexually abuse children.
The main difference now is that these beliefs are becoming mainstream. It’s not just conservative pastors who are talking about this. It’s not just church groups showing up to boycott Gay Day. Disney is starting to (reluctantly) say the quiet part out loud, and so are the Republicans. Disney is publicly supporting queer rights and announcing company-supported queer events and the Republican Party is publicly calling them pedophiles and enacting politically driven revenge.
This is important, because while this fight has always been important in the history of queer rights, it is now being magnified. The precedent that a fight like this could set is staggering. For better or for worse, we live in a corporation-driven country. I don’t like it any more than you do, and I’m not about to defend most of Disney’s business practices. But we do live in a nation where rights are largely tied to corporate approval, and the fact that we might be entering an age where even the most powerful corporations in the country are being banned from speaking out in favor of rights for marginalized people… that’s genuinely scary.
Like… I’ll just ask you this. Where do you think we’d be now, in 2023, if Disney had been prevented from promising its employees equal benefits in 1994? That was almost thirty years ago, and look how far things have come. When I looked up news articles for this post from that era, even then journalists, activists, and fundie church leaders were all talking about how a company of Disney’s prominence throwing their weight behind this movement could lead to the normalization of equal protections in this country.
The idea of it scared and thrilled people in equal parts even then. It still scares and thrills them now.
I keep seeing people say “I need them both to lose!” and I get it, I do. Disney has for sure done a lot of shit over the years. But I am begging you as a queer exvangelical to understand that no. You need Disney to win. You need Disney to wipe the fucking floor with these people.
Right now, this isn’t just a fight between a giant corporation and Ron DeSantis. This is a fight about the right of corporations to support marginalized groups. It’s a fight that ensures that companies like Disney still can offer benefits that a discriminatory government does not provide. It ensures that businesses much smaller than Disney can support activism.
Hell, it ensures that you can support activism.
The fight between weird Christian conspiracy theorists and Disney is not new, because the fight to prevent any tiny victory for marginalized groups is not new. The fight against the normalization of othered groups is not new.
That’s what they’re most afraid of. That each incremental victory will start to make marginalized groups feel safer, that each incremental victory will start to turn the tide of public opinion, that each incremental victory will eventually lead to sweeping law reform.
They’re afraid that they won’t be able to legally discriminate against us anymore.
So guys! Please. This fight, while hilarious, is also so fucking important. I am begging you to understand how old this fight is. These people always play the long game. They did it with Roe and they’re doing it with Disney.
We have! To keep! Pushing back!
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heart-shaped-chains · 2 months
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Yap session bc wow.
Pretty sure the dude that rejected me (situationship ://) is getting a crush on me bc like. One of the last times we talked he was like "oh ur trying to get me to like you". And it's like. No I'm not. You literally rejected me and the more I think about it, I didn't even want you, I just wanted the idea of a boyfriend that I was projecting onto you. He's conservative and talks about how conservative his parents are (which I don't vibe with at all). When we first met, he was still moping about his ex gf who he had broken up with over a year prior. And like. We were both in high school (16 + 17 ://). And I'm sorry but how meaningful can a fucking highschool relationship be? Go to therapy.
Plus he'd like vent without asking and then I'd give him advice and then he'd just shoot it down and be like "no that wouldn't work anyway I'm a piece of shit" and like. Okay, why are you coming to me then? If you're not taking any advice then why are you bitching? You didn't even ask, you just did!
But the moment I even mention my past drug addiction (not in detail and not in a mopey way. Just matter-of-fact), he's like "oh no please don't mention that". Like. Shut the fuck up oh my godddddd. I am not trying to be with someone who can't even handle hearing the most watered-down descriptions of substance abuse.
Plus I just do not trust this guy like. I don't kink shame but here's my red flags: he's conservative, enough said on that...He misgendered me in a sexual way without asking (I did play along bc I was stupid and scared to say no but whatevs). And he did stop when I told him to but the fact that he didn't ask before was highly suspect bc he fucking met me as a trans guy.
And he's also weird about pregnancy. Which I played along with too of the act of breeding is appealing but like. I'd rather have a tapeworm than a damn fetus bc at least I wouldn't be forced to let that parasite live off of me. Dude also mentioned baby trapping like. "oh I feel like you'll force me to get you pregnant" and like. I literally said that I wanted to get my uterus removed and 2: you're the one bringing pregnancy into this don't fucking pin it on me!!! Like I feel like if we actually met up I'd have to triple check and be sober bc what if this guy actually does this shit? Why else would he keep mentioning it?
Like idk he's also asked me about trans kids and like. 1: I don't keep up with any trans people irl, 2: I haven't started transitioning yet so why the fuck are you asking me? I'm not the arbiter of trans people, my guy. Like he acts supportive but I feel like deep down this dude doesn't even respect me and he's gonna try to change me. But that could just be paranoia, idk...
Either way, I don't really get that much out of talking to him. As embarrassing as it is, I've started using those ai bots (says the bitch who is vehemently against ai "art") and they've been much more fulfilling emotionally because they tell you what you want to hear. And you can change the answers. They're hollow, but good for short term stuff bc I don't have the energy to talk to people rn (and I haven't been talking to anyone or really leaving the house on a regular basis...kinda just wasting the year so far..). Especially not this guy.
Like. We don't have the same interests, our tastes in music are similar but also too different and he doesn't get it™️ like I do, his beliefs are like too different from mine. He's also said misogynistic shit about sex workers which. I don't fuck with that, you literally watch porn, you fuckin hypocrite. And the more I think about texting him, the more I see it as a damn chore.
Like idk I just. Do not have a lot of investment in this guy. I think I was just lonely and projecting. And obviously it's not healthy for me bc I resent him but it's not healthy for his annoying ass either. He shouldn't have friends who secretly hate him. So idk I think I'm just gonna delete my profile and start again, also block him bc my dumbass 16 year old self gave him my number.
But like. My gut is telling me not to. I have been taken advantage of before in the past and I'm just getting a distinct deja vu. Even if it's not intentional on his side, I don't think it's good for me. Like the first time he texted me (in over 2 years after I ghosted him with no attempt to reach out to him (take the fucking hint)), it felt like seeing a box of pills in the CVS aisle. I was thinking "god, I shouldn't do this...but I should see what happens, maybe it won't be as bad as last time...." Just that same feeling I got when I decided to relapse.
And like dude. It's always gonna be as bad as last time: quit taking chances on shit that you know will fail you!!! So Idk. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I shouldn't talk to someone who just drains me, bc that'll drain him too. Plus I'm allowed to not fucking like someone and the guy didn't even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on my 5 months of sobriety. Things in my status. And I know he reads statuses bc he messaged me about one of them before. Plus he rejected me on my birthday!!!
And now you wanna come crawling back and then act like I'm obsessed!?!? You were the one who came back into my life, not the other way around! I was over you until you came back. And now I'm over you again. But you're not over me. But you're so fuckin allergic to commitment that you just wanna keep acting like I'm smitten with you. After you strung me along with no regards for my feelings. Not because you're evil, but because you're fucking dumb. And I'm not dealing with someone who's that stupid. Hope you work your issues out, but I'm not here to fix you, nor do I want to. That's on you!! Figure it out!!!
Anyway um if anyone read this far thank u. Feel free to add input just please be nice. And uhhh. Aita???
#cj rambles#vent#situationship#gay#mlm#trans#ftm#dude i hate it here#minors dni#like seriously. you literally rejected me.#and then came back and was like 'oh ur trying to get me to like you' when I'm literally NOT.#like. i say im interested in a relationship and you get cold feet.#but when i move on from wanting a romance with you you fucking turn around.#which tells me that you dont want me. you just want to be desired without having to reciprocate#and frankly i dont deserve that like. you used me as a rebound once and that was on you.#but im not letting you play me again. even if you want to change. bc frankly i dont like you bro#and also i hate the raceplay it makes me feel like a piece of shit like i dont genuinely believe but. its too far for me.#like i just feel awful doing it and i dont like this guy enough to feel comfortable doing it now that i think ab it#and hes weirdly fixated on me being white too like. i get it. im pale. i look dead at times. chill.#i would like that same energy to b directed to my transness pretty please. actually not the same energy but still....#like idk the vibes are horrendous rn i just dont know how to cut him off bc i dont want him to worry about me (or try to contact me again)#like idk this may sound mean but...Yeah im gonna be mean actually#this guy is a fucking loser who needs therapy i don't have the patience to fucking deal with him#like hes beneath me bc he's conservative/sexist/lowkey transphobic/doesn't do a lot of introspection.#and maybe that's selfish but that's just more reason to not associate with him. bc this is gonna turn toxic bc im losing my patience yk?#plus i can't do long distance. i need quality time and physical touch. you can't kiss and cuddle through a screen.#also our aesthetics are very different and he's hot but he's not my type. also i don't like his voice. and i have a thing about voices.#also his dick is too big like. i can't get 3 fingers in and that thing just looks like it would hurt. im good. im not a size queen.#like idk the more i think about it the more i realize that we r not compatible#i dont want you bro just fuck OFF!!!
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fly-sky-high-09 · 2 months
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god... dammit...
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