#when i see how other people do it i'll start doing it too
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One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.
(Buckle in. This is a long one.)
In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.
As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.
Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.
This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.
I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.
But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.
So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.
But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.
But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.
It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.
He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)
So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.
But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.
(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)
#something something hope is a weapon hope is a discipline hope is a garden to cultivate!!!#HE'S SO GOOD HE IS TRULY EXEMPLAR OF THE WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE NEIN AND I DO NOT THINK THAT'S AN ACCIDENT#truly just like. enormous proponent of letting trust and curiosity into your heart regardless of the horrors.#it's hard and it makes you more vulnerable and sometimes it hurts so so much but it will also save your fucking life!#cr spoilers#critical role#essek thelyss#cr meta#I was gonna apologize for the length but I'm not sorry. I'm also not sorry for being insane about him but he's so special to me.#head in my hands he's so GOOD HE'S BEST BOI! GUIDING LIGHT NORTH STAR!!! LOOK AT HIM!!!#also truly if i had two nickels for a span of time with no essek sightings where I wrote a lot of fic#with deliberate personal acknowledgment that I was writing some pretty maximal arcs for him in terms of character growth#and then end up getting essek for half an episode and having to go OH WE'RE GOING THAT FAR ACTUALLY. FUCKING INCREDIBLE.#yanno. two nickels. but good lord I am thriving that it's happened twice#augh this is ONE of the pieces I need to write this week. we're not gonna talk about it
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Cruel Summer
Summary: After a two-year absence from your family, you return home for your father's birthday and unexpectedly reconnect with his friend, John Price. A serendipitous attraction emerges, leading to a challenging summer.
Pair: 'Captain' DBF!John Price x AFAB!Reader
WC: 2,008
Warnings: Minors DNI 18+, Age gap. Reader is 26 and John is 37, swearing, longing, some fluff...? Lemme know if I missed any
A/N: I fear it's been a minute since I wrote anything for this blog. This fic might be a few parts. It's been sitting in my drafts for freaking months and I was too excited to get the first part out.
BY CLICKING KEEP READING, YOU ARE CONFIRMING THAT YOU'RE 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
"Come on, honey," Your mother's voice resonates in the emptiness of your small kitchen, and the sting in your eyes makes it hard to focus, vision blurring with a haze of murkiness.
With the heel of your palm, you brush away the lamentation on your lashes, heedless in your movements, as you shove a couple of hoodies, books, and other insignificant items into a box—a box of your ex's things. The things he left behind.
"Your dad hasn't seen you in two years. His birthday is coming up in a couple of days, and the only thing he talks about missing his little girl."
That manages to make you smile, if only for a moment. A fleeting glimpse of happiness amidst your heartbreak. "Ryder's there. Dad can have his little boy there instead."
Ryder—your older brother. He was only five years older than you, but while growing up together, you two were inseparable. There was the occasional bickering and fighting, but like all siblings, you grew apart.
He had his life, and you had yours.
"I can hear your dumbass, you know that, don't you?" He tuts through the speaker of your cell phone, and it causes you to snort. He was already with the rest of your family since flying in the night before. Ryder's remark is met with hushes from your mom before she playfully shoves him to continue the phone call with you. Just like old times.
"I don't know, ma..." You mumble, trying your bestest to make it sound like you aren't crying. You knew she worried about you. More than you would've liked, but she was your mother. My job is to worry. She would say. "I've got a lot going on over here and—"
She cuts you off before you can finish.
"Please? I will have to tell your dad when he asks, and he'll start crying and... just come. Even if it's for a day or two. He really wants to see you, and so do I. I miss my baby."
A heavy sigh escapes you, letting your face fall into your palms to wipe the rest of your tears with the tips of your fingers. As badly as you want to refuse, the guilt of not seeing your family in so long starts to creep in, trying to gnaw its way into your conscience.
"Okay, Mom," You finally relent after a couple minutes of silence. You knew how much your parents missed you, and you'd let the lust for independence take you away from the people you loved most, and that was something to feel guilty about. "I'll come."
Your mother's excited squeal makes you flinch, and for some reason, her felicity causes a few more tears to slip down your cheeks, even if you manage a soft chuckle. "Oh, I'm so excited. Your dad is going to flip. I gotta make up your room and—Ryder! I'll talk to you soon, baby. We can't wait to see you."
There were a plethora of responsibilities John had to fulfill when he agreed to attend his best friend’s birthday. He had a job; a task force to forefront. A war to conquer. Nevertheless, he was here, in the backyard of said friends' beach house.
He was used to noise. The bustling crowds of civilians, obnoxious music, and the occasional yelps of children chasing each other around. It all resonated as white noise; his ears filtering out what wasn’t of import.
The smell of grilled hamburger patties permeated the air, his eyes focused on the finesse of each flip.
The tap of his fingers drummed rhythmically against the neck of his beer bottle, smiling and nodding as your father went on and on about his endeavors during his time in the Army.
A broken record; really. The stories weren’t new, at least, not to him—having been a part of those tales himself. The hardships and challenges of having to partake in such horrific adventures. If you can even call them that. Your father had such a colorful vernacular.
John’s eyes looked up in a lazy sweep as he heard the sound of your mother’s voice emitting as the back door slid open. As he took another swig of his beer, there you were.
The man almost choked. The beer comes back up in a fit of coughs, earning a few swats on the back from your father.
“You okay, John?” Your father eyed him humorously, chuckling as he flipped a couple more burgers.
John couldn’t speak, solely nodding as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, mindful of drying off his facial hair.
Fucking hell…
Clad in a cream-colored sundress, every dip and curve of your body was accentuated, the swell of your assets making his mouth water. You were an absolute dream. A fantasy he couldn’t imagine ever thinking of. You were stunning.
He let his eyes trace the outline of your body, from the cherry pattern on your dress to the pretty little red ballet flats you had on.
John had prided himself in being devout to his career. Nothing came between him or it. In his thirty-seven years of being alive, he never once tried to settle down or even dabble in a relationship for fear of never giving enough or never being present. He’d have the occasional fuck, but that was once in a while.
His life wasn’t promised; not in the way he had any control over. Then again, who does?
For the first time since joining the Army, he thought of marriage, and he immediately shook that thought away.
He nudged your father, making him turn toward the profile of his face. With his hand still wrapped around the neck of the bottle, he gestured towards you. “Is that—“
“Ah, there she is!” Your father rejoiced, setting down the spatula as you headed towards where they both stood, your mother trailing behind. John stood idle as he watched you move into your dad’s arms with a semi-forced smile.
“Hey, Dad.” You greet him, letting him rock you back and forth in a tight embrace. “Happy birthday.” Regardless if you’d arrived the day before, your dad was still excited that you were here.
"Thank you, pumpkin."
John watched the interaction from the corner of his eye, a strange feeling tugging at his gut. You were no longer that little girl he remembered—you were a woman now. He took another swig of his beer, curiosity and desire brewing within him.
Once your father had released you from his bear hug, your eyes met with John's. A surprised expression graced your face, recognition flashing across your eyes as if you had completely forgotten that he could also be there. "John?" You questioned, your voice softer than he remembered. 'That you?" There was a hint of a tremble, but it was quickly masked by a polite smile.
"Hey there, sweetheart." He greeted, his voice firm yet gentle. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander over you once more, drinking in the sight of you. It was almost as if he was seeing you for the first time. "Aye. It's me."
You chuckled softly, shaking your head in disbelief. "I can't believe it's been fifteen years. You haven't changed much, you know."
John couldn't help but chuckle at your comment, feeling a sense of warmth spreading through him. Fifteen years…
You had to be around twenty-six now.
"I would say the same about you, but—" he replied, letting his gaze linger on yours for a moment longer than necessary. "You've grown up beautifully."
The compliment seemed to take you by surprise, your cheeks flushing a soft tinge. You quickly turned your gaze away from him, focusing on your father who was grilling the patties. "Thanks, John." You muttered, the unease in your voice not going unnoticed by him. Neither did that color on your cheeks.
You could recall the little girl crush you used to have on him all those years ago, when it was adolescent, innocent, and pure. Something to laugh off because it was cute.
But now, standing here as an adult, the feelings that stirred within you when John's gaze lingered on you were anything but innocent. It was a confusing, frightening, yet somehow thrilling realization—one that you knew you would have to confront sooner or later.
Your mother, who had been watching the entire exchange with the sharp eyes of a hawk, nudged you gently, whispering something about helping her out in the kitchen. You took the opportunity to escape, excusing yourself from the men's company. As you turned to leave, you felt John's eyes on you, following your retreating figure. A shiver ran down your spine, but you forced yourself to ignore it.
After you'd left, an awkward silence fell between the two men. John took another swig of his beer, trying to shake off the strange feelings that your presence had stirred up within him. The tension was palpable, a thick fog of unspoken words and hidden desires. It wasn't like him to be so affected, and yet, there was something about you that left him in a state of bewilderment.
His gaze lingered on the spot where you had stood moments ago, the image of your flushed cheeks and the softness of your voice etched into his mind. He raked a hand through his hair, a sigh escaping his lips. This was dangerous territory. He knew it but seemed powerless to pull himself away from the allure.
Your father, completely oblivious to his friend's internal struggle, continued flipping burgers, a contented smile on his face. He hummed a tune under his breath, his eyes bright with happiness. Every now and then, he would glance towards the kitchen door, awaiting your return.
"John," He started, his voice pulling John out of his reverie. "You've gone quiet on me, mate." Your father’s jovial tone contrasted starkly with the turmoil raging within John.
John managed a weak smile, forcing out a chuckle. "Just lost in thought, I guess," he replied, not meeting your father's gaze. He took another sip of his beer, the cold liquid doing little to ease the heat creeping up his neck.
Your father simply laughed, shaking his head. "You've always been a bit of a daydreamer, haven't you?" He said, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Just don't go getting lost in your thoughts. We've got a party to enjoy."
John nodded, forcing himself to focus on the present, on the sizzle of the burgers, the sound of laughter from the crowd...anything but his best friend's daughter. But no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts were preoccupied with you.
As the sun began to set, the party continued in full swing. The laughter and chatter grew louder, the music more upbeat, and the atmosphere more festive. But amidst the sea of faces, John's gaze kept drifting back to you.
Your laughter echoed in his ears, your smile imprinted in his memory. Every now and then, he would catch glimpses of you, your silhouette illuminated by the setting sun, your face glowing with genuine happiness. You were like a beacon of light, drawing him in, and he found himself unable to resist.
You were everywhere he looked, in every corner he turned. With each passing moment, the pull he felt towards you grew stronger, more potent. It was like a magnetic force that seemed impossible to resist. It scared him, baffled him, yet excited him in a way he had never experienced before.
He watched as you interacted with the guests, your laughter filling the air. Your eyes sparkled with mirth, your cheeks flushed with excitement. You were the life of the party, and he couldn't help but be captivated by you.
And as he watched you in the warm candlelight of your father's birthday cake, your smile wide as you sang along with your family, he knew he was in trouble. Because for the first time in a long time, he found himself wanting something he knew he couldn't have.
You.
Oh god. It's so embarrassing how long this took to actually write. Please please lemme know what ya'll think. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Should I continue this? ;) Enjoyxx
#john price x reader#john price smut#captain john price#captain johnathan price#captain john price x female reader#john price#john price cod#johnathan price#cod mw22#cod x reader#age g4p#captain price#price cod#captain john price smut#dbf!price#afab reader
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It's... complicated?- Rafe Cameron × polyam!reader & JJ Maybank × polyam!reader
summary: you're in a relationship with Rafe, but a one night stand with JJ turns into more and suddenly you find yourself entangled in a relationship that you don't plan on getting out of any time soon
general warnings: cheating, angst, fluff, smut, swearing, lying, reader being a bitch, talk of marriage
angst warnings: mention of death, downward spiral, self-doubt, fighting (verbally), fighting (physically), traumatized reader
smut warnings: p in v (unprotected), oral (f & m receiving), 3 way, cnc, creampie/cumdump, spanking, dirty talk, praise kink, degradation kink, (heavy) pda, subdrop adjacent, aftercare, foreplay, toy use (not primarily), overstimulation
word count: 19k
author's note: this started as a Rafe fic but immediately my brain fucked me over and then I was too deep to change it so I kept it and decided to explore the throuple idea. I wanted to not have it be cheating plot but I couldn't figure out how to do that while keeping the set dynamic, so I hope you're gentle with me on that :) I genuinely hope you enjoy it, it's the longest one part one shot I've ever written lol (p.s. I wanted to do dvp here but I couldn't find an appropriate place for it, but if you want it, I can write it separately)
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“Can you maybe not do lines on my boobs tonight? Last time you got some on my vintage Chanel dress and I haven't managed to get it out yet,” you ask Rafe while leaning in the door of his room, watching him get ready.
“I'll just buy you a new one,” he shrugs and buttons his shirt up.
“That's not the point, babe, and you know it,” you shake your head, swaying your perfect curls. “It's also vintage, and you can't just buy a new one. Besides, I paid for it, not you.”
“You mean your dad paid for it?” he eyes you with a smirk playing on his pink lips.
“Nope, pretty sure that it counts for me now,” you smile, faking it as per usual when the topic of your dad comes up. “Dead people can't pay for shit.”
He steps over to you, tilting your chin up and kissing you. “Let's not talk about him. Instead, we can go and have fun, all right?”
“Eugh, whose house is this?” you scoff as he stops the car in the driveway. The mansion isn't even half the size of your own, and it makes you feel a little disappointed.
“Hey, be nice,” Rafe smiles and takes your hand up to kiss it before getting out and opening your door for you.
“I am always nice,” you tell him, but he knows it's a lie. Your way of being nice is what other people would call bitchy or bossy. You aren't nice like people want you to be, not since your dad has died. He was the only one who you had tried your best for.
“You know I love to see your claws out, but I have to sell shit tonight, so none of that, please,” Rafe begged, his arm tight around your waist.
You roll your eyes and look up at him, “fine.”
The party is already going, and a few people greet you while walking in. You find Topper and Kelce rather quickly, taking your seat next to Rafe you let your eyes wander as they talk.
“You know, you guys are boring as fuck,” you groan after having had to listen to them talk about golfing for twenty minutes straight.
“Since when are we here for your entertainment, y/n,” Kelce scoffs, but he gulps as you get up and lean over him.
“Maybe you should suck a dick to fix your fucking attitude,” you snarl and walk away towards the kitchen. You never cared what Rafe's friends thought of you, you never cared what anybody thought of you.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” you roll your eyes at the blonde boy, who's leaning against the counter. His ring clad fingers are holding onto the solo cup, but the flirtatious smile is just for you. You had gathered as much over time.
“One day, you'll beg, y/l/n,” he says and takes a sip.
“Not if I make you beg first, Maybank,” you smirk and take the bottle of tequila to fill two shot glasses.
“I never beg,” he counters, and you laugh.
“Oh, I'd bet my BMW you do.”
“Does Rafe?”
“I won't tell you that, you'd just go runnin’round tellin’ people,” you poke the inside of your cheek with your tongue and hold the shot out for him to take. “Be happy that I'm keeping him on a leash. He'd have ripped your head off by now if I didn't.”
You watch him take the shot, and follow. The slight burn in your throat wakes you up, and the warmth in your stomach is familiarly cozy.
“And why would he do that?” JJ asks, tilting his head to the side.
“‘Cause you won't stop staring at my tits, Maybank,” you bite your lip and take the step over to him, leaning in and whispering into his ear. “I know how you look at me, as if I'm the ultimate price. But you wouldn't even be able to handle me on your best days, pretty boy.”
“You underestimate me, princess,” he whispers, and you pull away to look at him fully.
“Maybe in another life, Maybank,” you wink at him, grabbing the bottle of tequila and making your way back to the couch.
“What he want?” Rafe asks as soon as you get back and take your seat by his side.
“Nothing,” you sigh and kiss Rafe's cheek, leaving a lipstick mark behind. He doesn't need to know how much it riles you up when JJ flirts with you. How much you have to suppress the need to kiss him whenever you see him. It doesn't even make sense why it is like that.
JJ and you have nothing in common, and you are happy about that.
You love being in a relationship with Rafe. You don't care much about love anyway, so why would you need to love the person you are in a relationship with if they are perfect on paper? Rafe is everything your dad had wanted in a future son-in-law. He comes from good money, takes care of the people close to him, and knows how to act around money. You don't need to love him to build a good future with him. After all, your grandparents had done it the same way. And when you look at your own parents' life together, you keep wondering if it had really been the wisest decision to marry for love.
No, love was overrated, and so was whatever you felt when JJ looked at you.
“You sell any yet?” you ask straight out, and Rafe clears his throat and gives you a look that doesn't really make sense to you. “What?”
“You know they won't buy shit when you're here, unless you act it,” he whispers to you and you roll your eyes.
“Fine, but only one,” you cave, and for the next few hours you play the dumb girlfriend. For some reason, all of his buyers are some type of misogynistic asshole, and the only one who you could talk to without feeling looked down on is Barry. But Barry never gets invited to the parties, because he doesn't fit in.
To you, he's not much different than the businessmen your dad had worked with, the same ones you would have to deal with once you were officially taking over the company.
“Baby, c’mere,” Rafe claps on his thighs, and you turn to straddle him, giving him a single warning glance to not fuck up.
“Love when you use my tits for it, babe,” you giggle stupidly, but internally you feel like throwing up. And it just gets worse when he puts a little line of the fine powder on your skin and dips his head down to snort it off. Your eyes cross with JJ's as soon as Rafe's head is down, and he vanishes from your vision the moment Rafe comes back up, wiping his nose.
“Thank you, baby,” he smiles and kisses you. It's a show. When you moan into him and buck your hips; and for once you're not sure if the show is for his clients, or for the blonde Pogue who can't keep his eyes off of you.
“I wanna go upstairs,” you whisper to Rafe and he nods.
“Just gimme ten and I'll meet you there.”
You get up and walk off, towards the stairs. A quick glance back to Rafe, who's focused on counting money, before you take the stairs, downstairs instead of up.
You decide to take a look around. The pool is a perfect 80 °F and if you had swimming stuff with you, you'd consider swimming for a while. Training a little to clear up your mind.
“Didn't you tell him you'd be upstairs, waiting?” You hear JJ behind you and turn around.
“And? I changed my mind. He doesn't care if he fucks me here or at home,” you shrug and JJ shakes his head.
“God, you really are something.”
“What do you want, Maybank?” you sneer, walking around the pool towards the sauna at the end of the room. The sound of your heels on the concrete floor echoes through the huge room.
“Why are you with him if you hate him so much?” he asks and starts walking closer, following you.
“I don't hate him. I hate his friends, anyone but Barry, basically. I hate how he acts around them. But I don't hate him,” you clarify, and JJ nods.
“But you don't love him.”
“Who needs love anyway,” you smile. The picture-perfect smile you had practiced in front of the mirror since you were 12, the same one you had to relearn when your dad had died. It was an ironclad mask.
“I forgot, you don't have a heart,” JJ smiles but drops it instantly.
“Tell me what you want, or leave,” you roll your eyes at him and he steps closer. Your heart starts racing as he leans over you, brushing a curl from your face and tucking it behind your ear.
“What do you want?” he rasps quietly and your eyes flutter, it's a reflex, and you don't know why. You don't understand why he has this effect on you.
“Nothing,” you press out, and his thumb ghosts your lips.
“I don't like when you lie to me, y/n,” JJ whispers, and you can't stop yourself from getting lost in his blue eyes. They are so different from Rafe's. JJ's eyes are bright and hopeful, they feel like happiness entrapped to you. And you can't stand it, because this isn't how it's supposed to be.
“Tell me what you want,” he demands, leaning down to smell your neck, his nose brushing against your skin and giving you goosebumps.
“It’s neither appropriate nor allowed,” you hush, and he chuckles.
"Since when do you care about any of that? You make the rules on this side of the island, don't you, princess?”
You blame it on the tequila when your lips find his. You blame it on the daiquiri when he leads you into the cold supply closet, without pulling out of your kiss. You would blame it on the coke, when he pushes your dress up and sinks into you; but you hadn't had any coke that night.
“Fuck, you're so wet for me, baby,” JJ groans, he had sat you down on a lower shelf, and you did your best to hold onto the metal structure that was pressing into your back.
“Shut up and kiss me, asshole,” you gasp, and he does just that. His kisses are wet and sloppy, just like his fast thrusts. But you can't stop kissing him, not only because it feels like heaven and hell combined. But mainly because you know you'd be screaming by the way his cock keeps kissing your cervix.
“You're so good at taking it, princess. Fuck, you feel so good,” JJ moans, and you can't help but feel pride in how much he seems to love it.
“Look at it,” you demand, and he dips his head, focusing on where you are connected. Your slip tucked to the side, but it's ruined anyway, it had been from the moment on he had started to flirt with you.
“What's that say,” JJ asks, his thumb rubbing over your tattoo, making you smirk.
“Eat me, Maybank. It says, eat me,” you moan, and he grins.
“Next time, princess,” he growls and starts rubbing your clit in harsh circles. You don't understand how he does it, but he has you moaning even louder, and clenching around his cock in the matter of minutes. The band in your stomach is ready to burst, and you don't think you've felt this good ever before. It feels like he's made for you, but you know that can't be the case.
“Cum for me, pretty girl. Soak my dick,” JJ breathes into your ear, and as soon as you come undone, he pulls his hand from your clit and shoves his fingers down your throat to shut you up.
You feel afloat and completely dazed when he pulls his fingers out and clasps his hand over your mouth.
“Shh, quiet,” JJ whispers, and you hear footsteps outside the closet. If someone finds you, you're screwed.
“No, she's not down here either. Check upstairs again, man,” Rafe's annoyed voice carries through the door, and you stare at JJ. You're not scared of what might happen to you if Rafe found out, but more so that he'd finally snap and actually hurt JJ like he had threatened so many times before.
Rafe is still outside the door when JJ decides to start fucking you again, and your eyes roll back uncontrollably. He knows how badly you want to make a sound for him, but you can't let yourself.
As soon as his footsteps carry Rafe back upstairs, you let out a loud groan, pulling JJ into a kiss and purposely squeezing his dick just to prove to him that you're the one in charge. And when his hips stutter, and he spills out inside of you, you don't even mind it. You like the feeling, especially when he keeps fucking it into you, muttering incoherently about how good he fucked you.
“Do you always praise yourself after?” you ask him after having pulled your dress back down.
“Do you always cheat on your boyfriend with Pogues?” he smirks, and you push him back against the shelf.
“If anyone finds out about this, you are dead, you understand? Either you shut up, and hope for a second time, or I can ruin your life. I don't need Rafe to do it for me, I can do it all by myself. Do you understand?” You poke into his chest and he nods.
“Good,” you take a step back again, and he grabs for your chin, pulling you close again.
“I have one question, princess. Has he ever fucked you raw?”
“I don't trust him enough for that,” you reply, and JJ snorts.
“Why'd you let me, then?”
“You don't sleep around as much as you pride yourself, Maybank. I mean, you're not bad, but- Well, it all comes down to the circles you run in and the ones you don't,” you give him a mean smile and open the door to go look for a bathroom.
“How do you plan on not letting him find out if he never-”
“I told you, he does what I say. If I say no, he's not getting any,” you tell him and turn a corner towards the bathroom.
“You really got him wrapped around your finger,” JJ laughs.
“You too,” you grin before sitting down to pee, you don't care that he is standing right next to you.
“Didn't you literally call Cally R. disgusting for insinuating that she doesn't mind peeing in her boyfriend's presence?” JJ laughs.
“First of all,” you say while finishing up and standing. “Cally R. is a lying slut, the only reason why she keeps having to piss in front of her boyfriend is because she can't get rid of her std. And why doesn't it go away? Well, because little miss piss queen keeps on fucking Tyler Folly on the side. Calling her disgusting was the kindest thing I could do to her.”
“And the second reason?” JJ cocks his brow up.
“You're not my boyfriend, Maybank. And getting rid of your shit inside me, is kinda necessary unless you want me ending up like Cally,” you give him a threatening smile, and he holds his hands up in defense. “Good.”
“I'm just wondering if it's not hypocritical, with the whole fucking on the side and all,” he mumbles before wetting a towel and trying to remove the red lipstick marks from his face.
“I don't claim to love my boyfriend, and Rafe never claimed to love me. He thinks we have an open relationship on his side. I don't see why it can't be open on both,” you shrug and pull the lipstick from your bra to reapply it.
“Was I- was I better?” JJ mumbles, rubbing his hand over the nape of his neck.
“Could you choose between your two favorite types of food?” you ask, and he starts to grin.
“You know, that's a weird metaphor.”
“Simile,” you correct him, and he exhales a laugh.
“You're a real smartass, y/l/n.”
“And you can be glad you're pretty.”
“Pretty enough to fuck your brains out,” JJ turns you towards him and leans over, his lips ghosting yours and when he pulls back you exhale a breath you hadn't realized you were holding. “See,” he smirks.
“If you want to do it again you can't fuck around, and most importantly you won't tell a soul. But then again, who would even believe you,” you scoff and turn around to leave, taking the stairs and vanishing in the crowd before anyone had noticed where you had come from.
“Where were you? I was looking all over,” Rafe sounds concerned and hugs you, out of courtesy, surely. Rafe rarely hugs you unless you ask for it, or the social obligations call for it.
“Just here and there, I went upstairs and forgot why. I'm sorry, babe,” you tell him, and he lets it go.
“Hey, y/n, wanna play a game with us?” Topper asks, and you turn to look at the group of people gathered, your eyes get stuck on JJ for just a second before they snap back to Top.
“Sure,” you smile and push Rafe into a chair, sitting down sideways on his lap.
It's a dumb drinking game, just like always. It stays rather boring until Topper's new girlfriend gets to speak, and you instantly regret your choice to take part.
“Never have I ever had sex with someone in this room,” she giggles and falls back down into Top before they each take a sip of their drinks.
You take a sip, focusing on Rafe, but Rafe is staring right across from where the two of you are sitting.
“Why does Maybank keep staring at you,” he whispers in your ear and you shrug.
“He's a creep, you know that, babe,” you try to calm your boyfriend down, but you know it's not gonna help much.
“Never have I ever cheated,” JJ says and takes a drink, but the chatter went mute as soon as the words left him. “I thought we were being honest, guys. God, you guys really are some Kooks,” he laughs and stands up to leave. His eyes are yet again fixed on you, but this time you can't force yourself to look away.
“Maybe cheating is just a Pogue quality,” you say, and a few silent mumbles seem to agree with your lie.
“You must know all about that, princess,” JJ smirks and tips his non-existent cap to you before turning and walking away, out of the house and into the darkness.
“He’s so weird,” Topper's girlfriend lets out a disgusted grunt.
“Was he even invited?” Topper asks and I roll my eyes.
“They don't check invitations at the entrance, stupid,” you laugh it off.
“He probably stole something,” someone out of the crowd suggested, and you stood up in a light fit of anger, before you realized that you couldn't act on it.
“What would he steal here? Cheap candles from Target?” you scoff and walk off. “Rafe!” you call out, and he takes a moment before he meets you outside by the car.
“I didn't wanna go home yet,” he complains.
“And? You have to drive me home. After that, you can do whatever the fuck you want,” you scoff at him, crossing your arms in front of your chest.
“What's up with you?” he snorts, opening the door for you and letting you get in.
“I'm tired and annoyed by these people who think they're better than anyone else, just because their dad's play golf and fuck their secretaries,” you mutter, and he stops asking, dropping you off at your house and driving off as soon as you are inside.
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Weeks go by in which you don't even see a glimpse of JJ. You manage to push the memory so far back into your brain that you don't even dream of it, well, not as often.
And when Rafe fucks you, it's good, it's great, but you don't feel as complete after as you had with JJ.
“Best pussy in the fucking world,” Rafe groans as he pounds into you from behind. Your face is pressed into the duvet and your ass is high up in the air. He had been stretching you out for what felt like hours. It was good, he hit every single spot inside of you perfectly, but you couldn't get yourself to cum.
“Would be so much better without it, baby,” Rafe rasps, and you're not really listening, just nodding and groaning in response to whatever he's saying.
Before you can actually register what is happening, he has pulled out and slammed into you again, but it feels different. You can feel him more clearly, every single vein on his thick cock, the soft tip that kept nudging your cervix as he went deeper.
“Fuck, I love you, I love this pussy so much,” Rafe moans and without a single warning he cums inside you, filling you up and clouding your mind. You gasp, close to an orgasm but not yet there and if he'd just- but he pulls out and you all you can feel is used.
“Shit, did you not,” he pulls you into him, having fallen into the sheets by your side, but you put on a smile.
“It's okay. Next time,” you tell him and get up to clean yourself up. You curse yourself for losing yourself in your thoughts about JJ instead of paying attention to what your boyfriend had said to you. And now you had two guys thinking they could fuck you over anyway they wanted.
“Are you okay?” Rafe asks as you leave the bathroom wrapped in your robe.
“Yeah, just next time, maybe warn me beforehand. Probably would've been better if we had both finished,” you say and roll your eyes while your back is turned to him.
“Why are you getting dressed?”
“I have to buy q tips, we don't have any left,” you lie and he scoffs.
“You could just ask the help to go buy some, and I could make it up to you. Come on, baby,” he slaps the empty bed to his left, but you shake your head.
“I just need some air, all right.”
“Fine. But text me so I know you're okay,” he sighs and gets up to take a shower.
You basically run out of the house, jumping in your car and driving off towards the Cut before you realize you don't even know where to go.
You pull out your phone and scroll down a long list of contacts before you find his number, saved under three Xs to remind you to never text him, but here you are, doing just that.
“Where are you?” you type out and hit send, a second later a text appears on your screen.
“why?”
“Tattoo” is all you say, but the three small dots stay for a while and then they vanish. You are about to curse him out when a text pops up.
“you know the Château?”
“Routledge?”
“yes”
You put your phone away and start driving again. Maybe you'd have to thank Topper's weird obsession with Sarah for knowing where the house was, but you really couldn't.
As soon as you arrive, you kill the engine and jump out of your jeep, stomping towards the porch.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Kiara sneers at you, but you don't pay her any attention. You grab JJ's hand and drag him into the house.
“That's the wrong way,” he chuckles and holds you back from going deeper into the house, pulling you to the side and into a small bedroom.
“Tell me what's wrong,” he asks, wanting to hold onto you, but you brush him off.
“He said he loved me,” you yell at JJ even though it's not his fault, nor can he do anything about it.
“And that's bad?” he raises his eyebrows at you and you huff.
“Yes. Yes, it is. You don't fuck someone, not let them fucking finish and then tell them you love them,” you hiss quietly, not wanting his friends to be able to hear it all.
“I see. I can help with one of those,” JJ smirks and pulls you into a kiss. A kiss that makes you forget why you even came over. Like a snip of his finger, he had erased all the bad thoughts and feelings inside of you, replacing them with warmth and desire.
“They didn't believe me,” he whispers against your lips before bringing them into another kiss. You pull on his shirt, and he takes it off.
“Told you they wouldn't,” you smile and take your own shirt off before starting to fumble with his shorts.
“Now they have to,” JJ chuckles and pushes his pants down, leaving the boxers on.
He pushes you onto the bed, kissing you all over, especially focusing on your tits, and you nearly cum just from that. His skilled tongue toys with your nipple while his hand squeezes the other tit mercilessly.
“You have the best tits, baby,” JJ moans against your skin, squeezing them another time before trailing his lips down the valley of your breasts and over your stomach to the hem of your jeans shorts.
“Are you sure?” he asks while looking up at you, but the way he's lying between your legs is godly. His unruly hair is hanging into his face, his lips slightly parted in a mischievous smile.
“I'll go ask one of the others if you don't want to,” you tease him, and he nips at your hips.
“Don't ever suggest that shit again, princess.”
“Noted, but only if your tongue’s as good as your dick,” you smirk.
JJ takes his time taking off your shorts, teasing you and edging you on, and you want to drown in the feelings he can so easily conjure in you.
“You smell different,” he notes and presses his nose against your slip. “I'm not gonna do this when you smell like him.”
“I told you,” you sit up on your elbows and look at his disgusted face.
“You didn't say he fucked you raw. That's different, and you know it,” JJ complained and sat back up.
“I don't see the problem. It's an easy fix,” you shrug and pull him closer by his neck. Your lips press against his until you have him lying underneath you.
“See, easy,” you grin down at him, pulling his boxers down just enough to let his hard cock spring free.
“Aren't you pretty,” you whisper to his pink tip, placing a kiss on it and tasting his salty precum.
“If you do that again, I'm busting a nut. You gotta warn a guy,” he laughs nervously.
“Cute,” you giggle and lift yourself up, pulling your slip to the side and brushing his throbbing tip through your aching slit. You let out a sigh of relief as you sink down on him, the familiarity makes you feel better instantly.
Fucking JJ is easy, it's messy, it's freeing.
You don't mind that he can't keep himself from cumming when you do, because he's ready instantly as if it never had happened.
You claw at his chest while you bounce on him, screaming of pleasure and not caring who can hear you.
Your pussy sounds obscenely wet, and can feel the mix of your many releases spill out of you and onto him. But JJ doesn't care as long as you keep fucking yourself with his dick, he doesn't even mind having to take over when you get a cramp in your leg.
He's moaning and cursing worse than you, calling you all kinds of dirty things, but mostly he's showering you with compliments, which turns you on even more than you had ever thought.
And when he finally pulls out, your pussy is still clenching, pushing out all of his and your cum.
“Would you look at that, princess. We should definitely not clean you up and send you back home just like that, show him who's actually better at fucking this pretty pussy.” JJ says and takes two fingers to push his cum back into you.
“J, please,” you beg him to stop. You are overstimulated and sore, so sore you feel like you might not be able to walk properly the next few days.
“Oh, but we haven't even done what you promised me, princess. You wouldn't let a poor guy starve, would you?” JJ gives you a pout and moves back to kiss your swollen cunt. A jolt goes through your body as he does it another time.
“You taste so sweet, baby,” he moans into you, his hands massaging your thighs; tongue dipping into your hole and nose brushing against your clit.
You moan and mewl as he slowly kisses and licks you to your orgasm, you can't even remember how many you've had that day, but what you do know is that the last one was the best one.
“Where'd you learn to use your tongue like that?” you ask him out of breath as he's lying next to you.
“Natural talent, y/l/n,” JJ boasts and turns his head to kiss you, twisting his tongue with yours and then pulling you closer. His hand is harshly gripping your thigh, pulling your leg over his own; while your own hands are entangled in his hair. There's a sense of security in the way he kisses you, like you know he won't leave even if you'd tell him to.
“JJ-” you try to pull away, but his lips keep on chasing yours, even when you try to get his attention by biting him. So, you pull on his hair, holding his head in place and making him whine with it.
“S’unfair,” he murmurs.
“I have to go home, it's late,” you remind him.
“You could stay, I could show you how much better I am at morning sex,” JJ tries to convince you, but you know it's impossible.
You let go of his head and twirl a strand of his hair in between your fingers. “It's a charming proposal, but you know I can't. He'll come looking for me, and we don't want that to happen, do we?”
“I’ll let you go if you answer me one question.”
You roll your eyes at his antics, but agree to it anyway. “Deal, dumbass,” you smile.
“Why’d you text me?” JJ whispers, and you sigh, turning around to look at the ceiling.
“I don't know,” you lie.
“I think you do, you're just lying to yourself if you say anything else. Because I wouldn't have told you to come by if I didn't feel the same,” he admits and nuzzles his face into your neck.
“It's a polar opposite. And I never thought- It's difficult to know you want a specific thing when you never had it, and once it’s there, it's hard to forget about it. And he won't give me that, I know it,” you explain quietly and JJ kisses your neck in response.
“I would never even consider not letting you cum, baby,” he hushes against your skin, and it gives you goosebumps all over. It's cozy and loving in a way, and it might just scare the life out of you when you realize that you crave this affection he's giving you.
“I have to go,” you press out and jump up, leaving JJ groaning as he runs his hands over his face. You find your clothes pretty quickly and put them back on, while he stays in bed, lying there looking like a Greek god.
“You look severely fuck out. I like it,” he grins, his head propped up on his hand. “Walk of shame material?”
“Nah, nothing to be ashamed of.”
“You know that's not what I meant,” you sigh and leave the room to go look for the bathroom.
“Left,” JJ calls out, and you turn left, towards the end of the hallway and enter the small bathroom. You don't understand how they can live in such a narrow space, but you know mentioning it will not end well.
Your curls are standing up in every possible direction and your eyes look extremely tired.
“See, not bad at all,” JJ smirks, leaning in the doorway of the bathroom.
“Do you have a hair tie or something?” you ask, and he steps behind you and pulls a drawer open. You pick out a simple black hair tie that could easily pass as one of your own, and wind your hair into a loose knot.
“Tell me again why I should let you go back to that asshole?” JJ asks, laying his chin on your shoulder.
“One, because he's not an asshole, and two, because he's gonna kill you. I don't want to see you dead, you're really good at what you do,” you say while looking at him through the mirror, and the smile on his face gets deeper as you speak.
“The secret side piece,” JJ flashes his brows at you, and you can't stop the light chuckle that leaves you. Charming and sweet and all you should ever want and need-
“I really have to go now,” you remind yourself, and he lets go of you.
When you walk out onto the porch, your eyes meet Sarah's and your heart stops, but you can't let yourself get caught up in it. You know, she hasn't spoken to Rafe in a whole year. She surely won't break that silence just to tell on you.
Your feet quickly move you towards your car, but before you can open your door, you are harshly turned around and pushed against the metal.
JJ kisses you so hard, you wish you could go back inside and do it all over again. His hand is holding onto your neck while the other is gripping your waist. It feels like the best kiss in your entire life, and it awakes something inside of you that you had long thought dead. The tiny flutter in your stomach is as faint as a gust of wind in spring, but you know it's there, and you know it'll just complicate everything else with it.
When he pulls away, he does it slowly, leaving an abundance of small, soft kisses on your lips before running his thumb over them.
“She won't tell. None of them will, I promise,” he whispers and you nod, believing him.
“You should go. Didn't know kissing alone could turn a guy on like that.” You smirk innocently as your hand traces over his erection, and he can't even hide it because he hadn't thought about putting on anything more than underwear.
“That's all you,” JJ whispers and kisses you one last time. “Text me,” he says before stepping back and letting you get into your car.
As you drive off, you can see him flipping off his friends before going inside; and then the house, and all of them with it, vanish as you make your way back home.
“Where were you?” Rafe bludgeons as soon as you get through the door.
“Out. You don't need to know everything, you know?” you snap at him.
“You didn't text and were gone for hours, y/n.”
“Shit, you sound more like my parents then my parents ever did,” you laugh and make your way into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of orange juice and downing it in one go.
“Excuse me for giving a fuck,” Rafe barks, and you roll your eyes.
“If you hadn't been selfish, like fucking always, I wouldn't have walked out.”
“I wanted to make it up to you. You left!” he counters and you gulp hard.
“Tell me what you would've done. Something that puts me first for a change or no?” Your blood is boiling and there is nothing that can stop your fit of rage. It had been easier to look past Rafe's selfish tendencies when you hadn't known any better, but now that you do, you can't help but get annoyed at him for it.
“Where's this coming from now?” he laughs, pacing along the room.
“God, why can't you fucking open your eyes! You know, sometimes I fake it just so it's over quicker,” you spit out, but he knows it's a lie, it's the one thing you promised each other to never lie about.
“You never tell me what you want either,” Rafe says, and you hate that it's true.
“Would you do it if I did?”
“I can try,” he raises his shoulders in what feels like defeat to you, but you can't be sure.
“Good,” you glare, but you know it's unnecessary.
“Now?” he asks, somewhat hopeful, but you shake your head.
“Maybe tomorrow, or whenever. I'm tired right now,” you sigh and make your way upstairs to take a bath.
The hot water is soaking your body, and you close your eyes and let it play out again. How JJ kept kissing you as he fucked you senseless, how his praises worked way better for you than Rafe's degradations. How he had kept looking up at you with his head buried between your legs.
Your hand travels down between your legs, rubbing soft circles on your clit, and it's not enough. Your fingers plunge into your pussy, curling perfectly, but it's not enough. You can't reach, and it frustrates you.
You step out of the tub, dripping wet as you make your way into the bedroom and Rafe doesn't complain when you straddle him. And he complains even less you start to fuck yourself with his dick. It's not something you’ve ever done with him, but he wants to be better for you, and he doesn't mind as long as he gets to fuck you one way or the other.
“Tell me how much you want me,” you moan softly while bouncing on his huge cock. The light stinging feeling his size always causes you just adds to your pleasure.
“You're so fucking hot, fucking me like the slut you are,” Rafe rasps, holding onto your hips.
“No, something nice. Tell me something nice.” You shake your head but keep going anyway.
“Uhm, okay… You're fucking me so well, baby,” Rafe says, but his eyebrows are furrowed until you moan louder.
“Yes, more.”
“I love your tight pussy, baby,” he groans, and you fall down on top of him, kissing him, but it doesn't feel at all like you had hoped. He tastes like whiskey, but you craved the mix of weed and beer. Yet all of your thoughts about it fly out the window when he stops your hips and starts pounding into you from below.
“Faster,” you gasp into him, biting his lip and digging your nails into his shoulders. It's mind-bending, they way he fucks you and his uncontrollable noises turn you on even more. Rafe grunts and moans like you've not heard it before, and you wish you had made him try it earlier.
“Fuck, baby, tell me you're close,” Rafe moans, and you press your face against his shoulder, feeling the band inside you tighten.
“So close, babe, don't stop,” you cry out and snake a hand down to your clit rubbing harshly and suddenly JJ's words echo in your mind.
“Cum for me, y/n. Be a good girl and let go.”
You scream when your orgasm rips through you and Rafe follows just a second later, pushing in deeper and painting your walls in his pretty white.
“Keep going, just a bit,” you instruct him, and he fucks his cum into you with a few more thrusts until you tell him to stop again.
“That was probably the best sex we ever had,” you sigh, still not ready to get up and have him leave you.
“Definitely top ten,” Rafe pants and runs his hand over your back.
“No, definitely the best,” you argue with a smile and he caves.
“All right, the best.”
After having cleaned up you're back in bed, and cuddled into his side, your head resting on his chest.
“Why didn't you tell me all that earlier? We could've done this already,” he whispers, and you don't know how to come up with a good lie.
“I don't know. Maybe I hoped you'd figure it out on your own one day.”
“It's very different from what we usually do,” Rafe mumbles, brushing over your hair.
“I like how you fuck me, but sometimes I need something for me. I need control too,” you whisper and he kisses your head.
“We can do that.”
“Good.”
“I love you,” Rafe sighs, and you can hear his breath slow as he falls asleep.
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Your dreams are haunted by JJ, always, and you wish you could turn it off. Sometimes Rafe gets to him, other times you see yourself living the Pogue life, as if that was ever something you'd even do as much as consider. But tonight it's different from any other time.
You are at home, Rafe is sitting at the kitchen island, and JJ is lying on the couch. They are both aware of each other and not actively trying to murder one another. The whole scene makes you incredibly suspicious, but it just gets worse when two blonde children come running in.
“Dad!” one of them yells and both JJ and Rafe pick up their heads.
“What's up?” Rafe asks and gets up from his seat, giving you a loving smile before leaning down to the child and talking to it.
“Well, your friends are pretty fucking stupid for not getting it,” Rafe tells the child and JJ snorts.
“Yeah, what's not to get? My wife has another guy, and we play daddy roulette every single time.”
“Daddy roulette?” you ask and furrow your brows at the two.
“You said it's better to not know. Removes the thing for fighting or whatever,” JJ explains.
“This one, definitely mine,” Rafe points at your stomach, and you look down at yourself to see yourself severely pregnant. Your belly is bigger than you'd ever imagined and it feels even worse.
“Why is it so big?” Your heart starts racing, and you feel like you're about to fall over.
“That's because we're having twins. You got a Maybank and a Cameron in there, baby, just like you love it,” JJ grins and your vision goes blurry.
“Y/n, will you please stop screaming? I was trying to sleep!” Rafe groans after shaking you awake.
“Sorry,” you mumble and turn away from him.
“Bad dream or what?” he asks.
“You don't have to pretend to care,” you whisper, and he snakes his arm around your waist, pulling you flush to his chest.
“I do care, but I also really need to sleep, baby,” he mumbles and kisses your neck a single time.
“We should just sleep,” you mutter and this time you are allowed to get your few hours of dreamless sleep instead of being haunted by your mistakes.
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Weeks turn into months, and one hookup every other week turns to some every other day.
The more Rafe tries to focus more on you, the more you seem to crave JJ and the lightness of what you have with him.
Like the quick fucks in the Country Club restroom, or the “business meetings” you tell Rafe about. After all, you really don't have a choice, because where Rafe is still reluctant to go down on you, JJ is offering it every single time, even when you are really not capable of cumming another time.
You know it would be technically easy to break up with Rafe, but you can't. You promised your dead father to marry a good man, someone from a good family. And Rafe is exactly what your dad had in mind.
And even if that wasn't the case, you still couldn't, or just don't want to, really.
You like that every girl on the island seems to want what you have, especially with both boys on your leash. You like that people are scared of you, because they know Rafe does what you tell him to, and not because he’s scared, no because he knows it's the best way to live his life. What most people don't know is that although still rich, the Camerons had suffered a dent in their savings, and not a small one. But you, you are secured by a long line of rich assholes. Old money. More than you could ever spend in a lifetime. Which just means that Rafe doesn't have the faintest idea why he should ever leave you. You are his perfect package deal.
“boat day?” The text from JJ rips you out of your thoughts, and you praise the fact that Rafe has the day packed with meetings.
“sure” you reply quickly and get back to doing your hair.
“I should come pick you up”
“no, you really shouldn't.” You shake your head at his dangerously stupid idea. The boat thing is after all already risky, you don't need to up the chances of anyone finding out. “Will be there in 30.”
“What the fuck is she doing here?” Kiara scoffs as soon as you get out of your car.
“I invited her,” JJ shrugs as if it's nothing special and keeps walking towards the pier.
“You shouldn't get to invite anyone, especially not the Kook bitch who keeps fucking you on the side to get back at her even worse Kook boyfriend,” Kiara complains.
“I'm not getting back at anyone,” you smile at her, knowing how much it must enrage her that you keep your cool and calm exterior.
“Just, please be nice, Kie,” JJ yells from afar and you hide your grin.
“John B!” Kiara hollers and walks back into the house, while you keep standing there, leaning against your car.
As soon as JJ comes back they all gather on the porch, discussing the matter of your attendance.
“You know I can hear you, right?” you say loudly after Kiara had called you a slut the third time in a row.
“Then why are you still here?” she snaps at you.
You stroll towards the steps that lead up the porch and walk to where they are standing. It's not that you are particularly happy that they are all there too, but you at least have the decency to be nice to them, if not for anything but JJ’s sake.
“I'm interested in what your issue is here,” you ask and Sarah scoffs.
“Maybe that you're a horrible person. Using JJ? Cheating on my brother?”
“Oh, a horse can only be that high,” you smile at her.
JJ tugs on your hand and makes you look at him. “You said you'd be nice.”
“I am nice. I'm not the one calling people slut and whore and what else y'all can come up with for me. But I'm not gonna stand here and hear these insults if they can't even take one back. And for the record that wasn't an insult, it was the truth and y'all know it,” you say and John B runs his hands through his hair, visibly on edge.
“Are you kidding me? You literally insult us all the fucking time,” Kiara spits at you, and you can't help the tiny laugh that escapes you.
“I don't insult Pogues, you guys have it hard enough as is, but… you're not a Pogue, Carrera. I guess that means you're fair game, because that one,” you point at Sarah, “is basically family, as much as I hate to say it, and you don't go against your own.”
“You’re not my family. You'll never be,” Sarah shakes her head.
“Okay,” you roll your eyes at her.
“Can we just-” JJ tries to get control of the conversation, but Kiara stops him.
“No, we can't. If she's here, I'm leaving.”
“Y'all are the worst fucking friends in the world,” you laugh and take a step back, ready to leave. “Incredible.” You turn around and walk back to your car, JJ right behind you.
“Don't leave, please,” he asks, and you stop in your tracks, turning around on the dirt and looking straight at him.
“I tried, you can't tell me to do more than that. I'm not gonna be called a whore and slut every five fucking minutes. It's appalling how your friends can't even pretend to like me for a few hours, but I'm supposed to do so while also being insulted. I'm not doing that. I'm sorry.”
“I'll make it up to you, just don't go,” he begs and you shake your head.
“No.”
“What do you mean no?”
“I mean, no, because you have nothing to make up to me. They are the ones constantly fucking up. Last time you told them beforehand, and suddenly they all had different plans. They hate me,” you tell him, but he didn't seem to wanna hear it.
“Can we just try and-”
“I did try. Don't force me to do this, J. I can't do this if they can't even manage to not call me names,” you say quietly, and he takes your face in his hands, warm and calloused.
“Will you wait just another few minutes and if I can't fix it, we will go to my place. Sound all right?” His voice is low and raspy, and it's making you wet just a little bit.
“You never invited me to your house before,” you whisper, blushing and pressing your thighs together to try to get rid of the growing desire between them.
“It's an equally favorable outcome to the other thing then?”
“More favorable to me,” you smile and lean up to peck his lips. “Use that magical charm of yours,” you whisper and push him back to go talk to his friends.
Half an hour later you're all sitting on the small boat somewhere in the marsh.
“You want a beer?” JJ asks and hands you a can. “You know how to shotgun, right?”
I can pretend I don't so you can show me,” you smile at him and he laughs.
“That would be cheating.”
You grin at him before taking out your keys, plunging a hole in the can and chugging it in a matter of seconds.
“Impressive,” JJ notes before shotgunning his own can and dropping some beer on his sun kissed skin. You don't even think about it when you lean in and kiss the droplets away. Your kisses trail upwards, along his neck until they connect to his mouth, and he kisses you like his life depends on it. His hands come up to hold your face, while yours are in his neck, twirling the hair at the nape of it.
“I should shotgun a few more if this is the new process,” JJ smirks, his forehead leaning against yours.
You blink slowly, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth and giving him a small nod. “M-hmm,” you hum, and he places another kiss on your lips.
“Should we, uh, play a game or?” Pope suggests, and you turn to shift your focus away from JJ and towards the people he calls his friends.
“What type of game?” you ask with a genuine interest.
“Truth or dare,” Kiara suggests with a mean smile on her face.
“Who starts?” you ask and give her a polite smile, serving its intended purpose when she rolls her eyes.
“Truth or dare, princess,” JJ asks and turns your head towards him with a simple nudge of his finger.
“Truth,” you whisper.
“Why did you come when I asked?”
“Because I like you,” you gaze into his blue eyes, and he smiles, “for more than the incredible sex also. It's actually pretty fun with you.”
“Definite win on my end,” he whispers.
“Truth or dare… John B,” you say before turning your head to look at him. He gives you a confused look, his eyes jumping between JJ and you.
“Truth,” he shrugs.
“Do you actually hate me or do you just hate me because your girlfriend hates me?” Your smile is sugar sweet, but the glare you give Sarah could definitely make milk curdle.
“I mean, you're a Kook and I don't understand what this is,” he gestures at JJ and you. “But I guess, I don't know you enough to hate you or like you.”
His answer genuinely surprises you because you didn't think he'd be honest and not just say the thing Sarah wanted to hear.
The game goes back and forth with a few dares and a few harmless truths in between, until it's Sarah's turn, and she glares at you as if she wants to actually kill you.
“Truth or Dare, y/l/n?”
“Dare,” you reply quickly, and her mean smile grows wider.
“Call Rafe and tell him where you are,” she demands.
“It's 2:30pm, he's in a meeting. I'm not gonna call him during a meeting just because of a stupid game,” you scoff and laugh at her stupid dare.
“How do you know he's in a meeting right this second?” she hits back at you, and you can't help but laugh even more, but you catch yourself and answer a bit more seriously.
“I have his schedule memorized. That's what you do when you're a good girlfriend.”
“A good girlfriend wouldn't cheat!” she screams at you.
“You think he doesn't? That's a pretty narrow-minded way to look at it, sis.” You know the new nickname has her boiling, and the little sadistic part of your brain loves to see it. “And you don't get to talk about cheating, everyone is aware of your timeline errors.”
“I never loved Topper,” she defends herself, as if it makes her morally superior to you.
“And I don't love Rafe, but you at least had a fucking choice because your shitty life was never bound to you marrying whoever your parents pick so you ‘get to’ inherent what would rightfully be yours anyway. So don't fucking tell me what to do with my life, because everyone else has always done it too, and they had more legitimacy for it,” you yell at her, unintentionally spilling more of your secrets than you had initially wanted to, and they all go quiet. The only thing you can hear after you're done is a few frogs, the birds close by, the waves crashing against the boat and your heart pounding in your chest.
JJ pulls you in closer and hugs you while placing soft, calming kisses on your neck.
“I wanna go home,” you whisper to him, tired of having had to pretend, even if it had just been for an hour.
“Let me talk to them. I promise it's gonna get better,” he says and gets up.
There's no doubt in your mind that it won't. Yet you don't understand why you keep giving him, and with it, them, one chance after the other, when you wouldn't usually give anyone even a second chance. You look out onto the water, your legs propped up, arms around them and your head lying on your knees. You think back to the last night you had with your dad, before he had died in a horrible car crash. T-boned by a drunk driver who hadn't seen a red light. You think about how you had tried to convince him to change his mind, that you could run the company without a man by your side, that you were good enough. But all your pleas had fallen on deaf ears. And your mom isn't any better. She decided to stay away, vacating in Palm Beach and only coming home every other month to make sure you are still alive. She deals with grief like that. By sunbathing and drinking and pretending like everything is fine and perfect and not at all in shambles.
Instead, you decided to close off your heart, and that worked for nearly two years until JJ decided to charm his way into it. You don't like it, the thought of feeling all this pain again. Or worse, to know once you let yourself love, the pain will be inevitable. People leave one way or the other, that's how life has always been and how it always will be.
“Hey,” John B rips you out of your head, and you don't even turn to look at him as he sits down next to you.
“What do you want?” you say in the meanest way you can conjure, but it still sounds pathetic.
“I'm sorry about your dad, I know he died a few years back. I, uhm, I just wanted to say I understand how hard it can be to live up to their expectations, especially after they-”
“I don't need your pity, Routledge,” you snap and look at him. “You don't know anything about me. You don't have to pretend to care.”
“I was just trying to help,” he apologizes and gets up again.
Your mind wanders back to the night, to the pain. It's scarily easy to revisit that memory. Seeing yourself standing over the table in the morgue, having to identify that, “yes, that's my dad,” because your mother had broken down as soon as the message had come through. You were keeping yourself together for her, for everyone around you who came with their condolences and expected a consolation prize for caring the bare minimum. You remember taking the ring from his cold, stiff finger. You remember having to pick out the casket, the suit, the food, where and when and how and-
You feel like your lungs are empty, like you had stopped breathing air, but pain and desperation instead. Tears are building in your eyes. You can't blink, can't let them run, can't let anyone see you cry, especially not these people. The only one who has gotten to see you cry ever, apart from your parents, is Rafe. And maybe you are aware that you can't leave him because he knows the part of you that you try so hard to keep hidden. Because he was the only one caring for you when everyone else was solely relying on you.
And now you are hurting him, in a way you never thought you would, but you can't help it, you're too far in it now. You need to tell him, needed two months ago, but you hadn't, because you were scared of breaking his heart. Because you know telling him might mean losing the one good and secure thing you had going for yourself.
Maybe you never considered it love, because it doesn't look like the love from the movies and books you basically inhaled in your early teens. Maybe you do have a childish outlook on love after all, because whatever connects you and Rafe goes deeper than that.
“You okay?” JJ asks, standing over you, and you muster a faint smile for him.
“I just really wanna go home now, I'm sorry,” you apologize for it, although you know you're not the only one at fault for it. You're soft for him, because he needs it, because you need it in a way. But it's so different from Rafe and you don't know if you can survive without either of them. If you could, you'd put them in a blender and get the perfect boyfriend out of it. But life isn't a fairy tale.
“It's okay,” he smiles and kisses your forehead before turning to the steering wheel and starting the engine.
As soon as you're back at the Château you get off the boat and basically run towards your car. If not for JJ, you wouldn't even think twice about ever coming back. But this was his second home, his happy place.
“Hey, y/n, wait a sec,” JJ calls after you and you stop to turn around.
“I don't care if they like me, J, but I'm not gonna be able to do this again. Not like this. I really want to, for you, but if they can't bring up the same amount of- They need to try too, all of them, and not when I accidentally tell them my whole life story so they can pity me. I'm not gonna do it that way,” you say softly and he nods.
“I understand. Will you text me that you got home safe? Please,” he whispers and you nod. There's a moment of silence, insecure and heavy, as if he doesn't know what to do, so you do the only thing you can think of to stop the awkward moment from prolonging. In a quick motion you lean up and kiss his cheek.
As soon as you come home you text him a quick “am home” and turn back to wallowing in your sadness.
It takes Rafe another two hours to get back home and as soon as he walks in, you jump into his arms, trying to find the little security you knew you could always hold onto.
“Hey, baby, what's up? Huh? Missed me that much?” Rafe asks with a light chuckle while holding you up, with one arm around your waist and the other holding onto his bag.
“Missed you,” you mumble into him, not wanting to actually tell him why you are feeling down, but you know you need to. Soon. Very soon.
He puts down his bag and carries you into the kitchen, sitting you down on the island and taking your puffy face in his hands.
“What happened?” he asks softly, softer than you know him.
“I don't want you to be angry with me,” you whisper, and he prods the inside of his cheek with his tongue before nodding.
“I won't be, I promise.”
“I, uh…,” the words get stuck in your throat, and you feel the tears well up again.
“Whatever it is, you know I love you,” he says, and it makes your heart feel even heavier.
“I've been seeing someone else,” you whisper, and he takes a step back, laughing and running his hands through his hair. There is no mistake in how mad he is, because this was a new level of mad, one you haven't seen before.
“Who?” he barks and you flinch. “Who is it, y/n?”
“No, you'll hurt him. I won't let you hurt him,” you shake your head, and he steps closer again.
“Why should I give a fuck about how you feel right now? Huh?! For how long have you been cheating on me?” he screams into your face.
“Rafe, please,” you beg softly, and he takes a step away again, and a second later his fist lands in a cabinet door.
“How long, y/n?” he yells.
“Four months,” you whisper and he laughs.
“You gotta be kidding me.”
“I didn't know- It's confusing and then today-” you stammer, and he interrupts you.
“You were with him today? That's why you're crying? And you expect me to not go and kill that guy instantly?”
“I love you,” you yell at him, and he stops, furrowing his brows and looking at you more confused than you have ever seen him.
“What?”
“I think so, at least. It's very confusing,” you mumble, looking down at your hands.
“Is that supposed to be an apology? You tell me you've been fucking some asshole on the side and think it'll all be made okay by finally telling me that you love me after two years?” His anger is back, but he's still confused, and you don't know what to do about it. All you know is that you need to be truthful about it, as much as you can, as much as he lets you.
“I know it doesn't make sense and I know it's not an apology. I don't mean it like that. But today, things were said by other people, not him, he was trying to help- I don't know what I feel,” you shake your head.
“None of that makes any sense, baby,” Rafe runs his hand over his face.
“I didn't think that what I felt for you was love because no one ever told me it could be like that. But I do. I love you and I made a horrible mistake, but I would have never known- I can't survive on just one. I need both of you to be happy,” you say, and he steps closer, harshly taking your face in his hand.
“Who!”
“JJ,” you whisper and his hand slips down to your throat, holding you tight enough to restrict your blood flow, making you dizzy.
“You let a dirty Pogue fuck you? And then you come back here and pretend like nothing happened?”
“I love you,” you are practically begging him to not hurt JJ, your own well-being has become secondary the moment you decided to tell Rafe about it all.
“Is that why you wanted to do all that new shit?” he laughs almost hysterically, squeezing a little tighter and your vision starts getting blurry.
“Please,” you choke out, and he lets go again.
“You know what the worst part is? That this started making more sense in the last few months, and now you're tellin’ me it's because you’re fucking Maybank on the side. That's fucked up, y/n,” Rafe shakes his head.
“I never got mad at you for cheating on me,” you remind him quietly, it's a low blow, but you know it's gonna do the trick. His escapades early on in your relationship, and even a few slip ups in the first year after your dad hadn't bothered you much anyway back then.
“No, but you never got mad at me for anything because you don't have a fucking heart. You were acting like a fucking robot until-,” he doesn't even finish the sentence, only shaking his head yet again.
“I don't understand why, Rafe. You have to believe me. And I tried not to. I did. For months before. And then it happened once, and I tried to stay away but then you- you hurt my feelings and I had no one else-” you stammer, and he glares at you.
“The best sex we ever had? Because you had just fucked him?”
“I know you. You're not happy with all I need. And everything you can give me- It's not enough, and I hate myself for it. I wish it was but it isn't. And I can't keep on trying to change you. I won't do that to you. It's not fair to either of us,” you whisper.
“You think you can have us both? Maybe we should call your little boy toy and ask him what he thinks, because apparently you value his fucking Pogue opinion more than me!” Rafe snaps and rips the phone from your back pocket.
“Rafe, please don't,” you cry, and he smirks, but it's neither playful nor sweet, it's simply vicious.
“Oh, I have a way worse idea, baby, and you won't say no because you love me, right?” he taunts, and you nod slowly, knowing whatever’s to happen next won't be the last punishment you receive for your crimes.
Rafe throws you over his shoulder and carries you upstairs and into the bedroom. Throwing you on the bed as if you weigh nothing.
You know not to move when he's in a mood, he'll do it by himself or give you strict orders to follow. Doing anything on your own account will just make it worse for you.
“Take off that horrible dress,” he barks while walking into the closet to pick out a tie and get his special box for you. You do as you are told, and he comes over to you, pulling on your arms and tying your wrists together behind your back so you can't use your hands anymore.
Then he pulls on the strings of the tiny bikini you had on, having expected to go swimming before you had left for JJ’s. The flimsy piece comes undone and Rafe slaps your ass a single time, but it stings harsh enough for you to whine a little.
“The more you cry, the worse it'll get,” he threatens, and you try to swallow the pain as he sits and pulls you to lie over his lap, spanking you for half an eternity. And even when he's done and goes over to softly massaging your butt, it's still stinging, and you don't know how much more you can take if this was the start of it.
“You think that was enough? Or do you deserve some more?” Rafe asks and you gulp before replying quietly.
“I was a very bad girl,” you say, just like he always wanted to hear. It had only happened two times before that he had decided to play these games in such an extreme way. The first time you had drunkenly flirted with some Touron and Rafe had decided it was the best way to teach you a lesson. That was a month into your relationship. The second time was a week before your dad had died, and he keeps telling you that he regrets doing it, but you know he doesn't. You had made fun of his family that night, just a little bit, but it had been enough to grant a punishment.
But neither of those come close to the pain you imagine he must be feeling right now. And you rather let him take his anger out on you than go and hurt JJ. That was the better option, surely.
“Yes, you were, baby. That's why you're gonna do whatever I say now. You know the rules. And if you cum I'll hurt you some more,” Rafe pulls you back up and you nod.
“Won't cum.”
“Good. Now lay down and let me fuck your throat,” he says, and you hesitate for a second but do it anyway. He's aware that you don't like it, not because it's not fun, but because he's simply too big for you to be able to breathe properly while doing it on his terms.
Yet here you are, lying on the bed with your head hanging off the edge. But before he tells you to open up, he goes to his box, taking out a tiny device and smirking mischievously.
“You know what, we're doing it differently tonight,” Rafe pulls you up to sit. Then he goes to bend you over and for a moment you think he's just gonna fuck you, but instead he shoves the toy into you, filling both holes without any prep, and you cry out at the unexpected intrusion and the low vibrations of the toy.
“No. You're not gonna cum from that, and if there's anything on that when I pull it out, I'll make it hurt worse. Do you understand?” He warns and you nod.
“I understand.”
“Good. Kneel,” he orders and points at the rug in front of the bed and you follow diligently.
When he tells you to open up, you do it, and when he tells you to moan around him, you do it, and when he tells you to look into the camera, you do it, albeit reluctantly.
Rafe doesn't care that you're close to choking on his cock, or that you can't stop the tears from streaming down your cheek. He doesn't care that your jaw will hurt for the two following days. He doesn't care because he knows it's still not enough punishment, and you know he's right.
Once he's happy with his little video, he tells you to get up and lie down again, and once you do, he pulls you towards the edge of the bed again and goes back to fucking your throat. What you can't see, because his balls are in your face, is that he's gone back to filming you, especially the part where his dick goes so far down your throat that it's visible on your neck.
Somehow you managed to blend out the vibrations in your pussy and ass, the low intensity was barely doing anything to you but edge you on more and more.
“You're a real slut, aren't you, baby,” he huffs after pulling out and manhandling you to be face down before him. Your legs are propped up and spread wide as he harshly pulls the toy out, and you can't help the gasp that escapes your throat.
“Tell me you love me again, and I might stop,” he rasps, and you are about to say it, but just as you open your mouth to speak, he thrusts into you. An obscenely loud moan is all you can conjure before he starts ramming into you.
“Tell me how much you love me!”
“Love you, Rafe. Love you and your cock so much,” you cry out and a second later your phone lands on the bed right next to your head.
“Look who called to check up on you, baby. Tell him how much you love when I take what's mine!” Rafe demands and your eyes fill with tears as you see the screen.
“What the fuck is this?” JJ asks and you sob.
“Rafe, no,” you cry.
“You want him so bad, he has to know what it means to share you. Because I'm not letting you go, baby,” Rafe growls, fucking you harder and your tears keep on streaming.
“Princess, it's okay. Focus,” JJ tells you through the phone, and you don't understand why he didn't hang up immediately.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Rafe, please,” you beg, but he won't stop, not until he's got what he wants.
“Tell him how much you love me,” Rafe barks, pulling on your hair and yanking you towards him. “You don't get to make any demands tonight, baby. You know what you did to me!”
He pushes you back down, and you land face first in the duvet, sobbing uncontrollably. “I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry,” you are close to hyperventilating. Your body is sore and tired, but he won't stop the attack on your poor pussy.
“You hear that Maybank, she loves me!” Rafe says, jealousy drenching his voice, and picks up the phone. “But I still don't think she deserves to cum. Do you?”
“You're sick, Rafe,” JJ hisses through the phone, but your mind is starting to go blank, the noise of his skin slapping against your own, and the quenching sound of your pussy is filling your ears.
“No, she's sick. One dick isn't enough for the little bitch. Nah, she needs two fillings to feel better about herself,” Rafe laughs, and you're so far gone that you can barely hear him anymore.
“Princess, focus on me. Come on, pretty girl,” JJ pleads and you nod absentmindedly.
“Shit, stop,” Rafe moans, but you can't. JJ's soft, loving words of encouragement have triggered your release, and you really don't have any control over it.
You moan so loud you think the whole island might hear, but you don't care, actually. And when you push your ass back into Rafe he loses his game and cums so hard that he collapses onto you almost instantly.
Panting you lie there, incapable of saying a single word, but at least JJ had disconnected the call.
“I get it now,” Rafe pants and pulls you into him, hugging you and kissing the top of your head. “Maybe I can learn to live with it.”
“Love you,” is all you manage to say before your exhaustion takes over, and you fall into a deep dreamless slumber.
You don't even feel like getting up the next morning, but you do it anyway. Pulling on one of Rafe's shirts to feel a tiny bit of familiar comfort you prod downstairs after having cleaned up the tiniest bit.
“Good morning,” Rafe says as soon as you step into the kitchen.
“Morning,” you walk past him, kissing his cheek just like any normal day. But unlike any normal day, Rafe isn't dressed yet, he's only got his shorts on and something tells you he had planned it.
“I don't think you should get to wear my shirts right now. I'm still mad at you, remember?” he nods at you, and you sigh, wanting to turn back and go change, but his hand shoots out to hold you back. “Oh, no, no. You're gonna take it off here. And you're gonna eat without it on.”
“But I don't have anything else on,” you complain quietly and he shrugs.
“Not my problem.”
You pull the shirt over your head and hand it to him. “Anything else?”
“Actually, yeah,” Rafe gives you a lopsided grin before sitting you up on the island.
It stings when he pushes into you, stretching you to your limit without any prep. But it's a punishment, you shouldn't enjoy it anyway.
His grunts and curses and intensely hard thrusts make you whimper, but at least he doesn't tell you off about it this time. Instead, he encourages you, wanting to see the tears and as soon as they start running his thrusts grow sloppier.
“I brought waffles as a peace offering,” you hear JJ's voice and footsteps that are coming closer. Your head spins around, and you stare at him across the room. The shock on his face tells you that he had just as much been blindsided by this as you, and it takes him another moment to drag his eyes away from the scene. But Rafe just laughs and keeps fucking you.
“Look at him, he can't even look at you while I fuck you. How the fuck is that supposed to work, baby?”
“As if you'd like to see it the other way round,” JJ snaps back at him, his back still turned to you. But the pain is too much, you can't take it anymore.
“J, please,” it's a mere whisper that leaves you, but he walks over to you anyway, avoiding looking at Rafe.
“It's all right, I'm here,” JJ whispers to you while caressing your hair, and you look up at him, into his pretty blue eyes.
“Make her cum,” Rafe demands and JJ rolls his eyes.
“You know, if you were better at it, she would've never fucked me in the first place,” JJ glares at him, but you pull on his collar, kissing him and moaning into his mouth while Rafe keeps fucking you.
“You're doing so great, princess. Such a good girl,” JJ praises you and your stomach starts filling with tiny butterflies.
“More,” you moan and JJ looks up at Rafe.
“Touch her,” he orders and for some reason Rafe does what he says and starts rubbing harsh circles on your clit.
“Oh God!” you scream, so close to your release that you feel like bursting. Your back lifts off the cold marble and your lips tremble.
“That's it. Look at me baby,” JJ whispers and when your eyes meet his you feel afloat, just like the first time. “Let go,” he hushes, and your eyes roll back. You scream and feel how hard it is for Rafe to keep fucking you, but he tries anyway until he can't hold back anymore and fills you up with his hot seed.
“That was better than last night,” Rafe pants while tucking himself away and JJ comes around to pull you up and carry you upstairs.
“Is this what you want?” JJ asks quietly after sitting you down on the toilet. Your voice is strained, but you only manage to nod a yes.
“We'll have to put down some ground rules, because I really don't wanna be in a situation where I find out what Rafe looks like when he finishes. That was way too close already,” JJ says while letting in a bath for you.
“I'm sorry,” you rasp, but he shakes his head.
“Don't apologize. If I hadn't told you to come by yesterday, this wouldn't be happening. And you should save your voice,” he smiles.
The hot water helps with the pain, but leaning back into JJ and being with him without having to think about what might happen if someone finds out is freeing. It's nice and good and feels a thousand times better than before.
“I don't care if they get it or not. I know you can't help it,” he whispers to you, softly massaging your sore thighs under the water. “Stupid hearts,” he sighs.
“You okay?” Rafe asks, standing in the door, and you turn to look at him and nod. “Good. I have to go to work,” he says and takes a few steps over to kiss you softly. “Love you,” he whispers and turns around to leave without waiting for you to say it back.
The following days are filled with planning and talking and fighting over phrasings, but in the end they manage to come to a conclusion that they can both live with. The easiest one at that. You get to choose, anything and everything when it comes to what happens between the three of you, in this weird new relationship you found yourself in.
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Most nights you find yourself sleeping in JJ's bed instead of your own, but Rafe doesn't mind it much, never having been much of a cuddler himself. But when it gets to your darkest moments, you don't trust yourself enough to talk to JJ, maybe it's stupid, but somehow you can't change it.
Yet you also don't think you'll ever regret your decision, especially when you're waking up to JJ plastering you with kisses before slowly fucking you awake. Or when he goes to eat you out while a boring movie is playing.
Or when Rafe comes home frustrated from a meeting and uses you in any way you let him, and sometimes he even lets JJ join and not just sit there and please you mentally.
Your new favorite thing has to be sucking off JJ while Rafe is plowing into you.
With every deep thrust of Rafe's hard cock into your clenching core, you moan louder around JJ, and it's even harder for him to not cum as soon as he sees your puffy lips wrapped around his dick. And you love to swirl your tongue and play with his balls a little, slapping your lips and cheeks with his pretty cock until he begs for you to suck him dry.
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The days in between when you get time to recover properly are filled with surf lessons from JJ or going shopping with Rafe.
It's passed the point where only the three of you and the people close to you know about the arrangement. Especially parties start to be a boiling pot for dramatics.
You're at the Boneyard, playing stupid drinking games with JJ, having fun the way teenagers are supposed to be.
You're aware that the people around you talk, but you couldn't care less because you're on cloud nine, too happy to let anybody ruin it. But JJ is the complete opposite. The more people he hears, the more agitated he gets.
“What’ya say?” he snaps at some guy, pushing him back.
“Chill bro,” the boy tries to laugh it off.
“No, repeat what you said, asshole,” JJ pushes.
“Only the biggest of sluts need-” He doesn't get to finish the repetition of his words when JJ's fist lands in his face. You yell for him to stop, but it's like he's in a trance. It takes both John B and Pope, who storm over from the other side of the party, to pull JJ off the guy.
“What the fuck, bro,” John B shoves JJ backwards but J just laughs.
“He deserved it.”
“Why ‘cause he said something mean?” Pope snaps, and you cross your arms in front of your chest.
“You wouldn't get it, Pope,” JJ shakes his head and looks up at the night sky. “Y'all just don't get it.”
“We don't, because it doesn't make sense,” Pope counters and you scoff.
“Just because you don't understand something, doesn't mean it's shit or that we're horrible people for it.”
“I didn't say that,” he shakes his head, but you're done with them, you have been for a long time.
“C’mon, J,” you say and start walking towards where you had parked your car.
At home, you start by cleaning him up, kissing him all over in the shower until he pins you against the tiles. His kisses are forceful, and he's groping at your ass and thighs. Picking you up and fucking up into you while you moan and gasp. He doesn't give you time to cum when he finishes and puts you down on your feet.
This is different from what you know of him, but it intrigues you too.
JJ turns you around and snakes his arm around your thigh, pushing two fingers into your sore cunt to stop you from spilling out.
“I know I should've asked, but it's gonna be great. I promise,” he whispers into your ear before leading you into the bedroom and making you lie down.
JJ is standing in front of you, your legs pressed to your chest, and he’s holding onto your hips as he fucks you. It's not loving and soft like any time before. It's harsh and fast, and you like it too much. You like the sound of his claves crashing into your ass, the way his balls slap against your skin. The wet noises your pussy makes when he drags his cock out of you just to slam right back in. And the way your tits jiggle with the movement.
Your hands are clawing at the sheets when JJ starts playing with your clit, making you cum in a matter of seconds. You know you'll be there for hours when he shoots his cum into you and just keeps going. You haven't quite figured out which way you like it better; with JJ’s incredibly small refractory period, or Rafe's stamina to hold out for just how long he wants to.
“Who's gonna clean that up?” you hear Rafe ask and your head spins around to look at him. Your mind is blurry with pleasure, your mouth agape and JJ doesn't stop and rips another orgasm from you. Rafe has never actually watched him fuck you, but something about this is making him want to stay and watch.
Your back arches up again, and JJ grunts and curses, filling you up for the fifth time that night, and you watch Rafe's face contort in a light confusion.
“You just keep going? Maybe you should give her some time, dude,” Rafe says, and you shake your head at him.
“She'll have time once I'm done,” JJ growls, and it sends shivers down your spine, making you roll your eyes back. “Isn't that right, baby?”
“Yes, yes, yes-” you scream each time his cock pushes against your cervix as if he wants to pass through it. “Want your cum, JJ, all of it,” you babble, maybe you like giving Rafe a show too.
“Good girl,” JJ moans and cums another time, making you clench around him with ease.
“You see that,” JJ smirks down at you, and you prop yourself up on your elbows to see the tip of his dick poking against your stomach. “That's it, princess,” he praises you before pushing down on your stomach, and you fall back, moaning, incapable of holding yourself up with the intense pleasure he's giving you.
“Give me my phone,” JJ orders and for a moment you have forgotten that Rafe is still there, still watching. He hands JJ his phone and J points the lense right at where you two are connected.
His free hand is back to rubbing torturously harsh circles on your clit, making you mewl and cry out.
“Cum for me, princess. Make me proud, baby,” JJ hums, and you let go of the tension. Screaming his name and squeezing his cock so hard that he cums almost instantly, pushing in farther and holding himself there until he's all done.
And once he's pulled out, he goes down on his knees before you, pointing the camera right at your pussy, clenching around nothing and pushing all his cum out of you and letting it drip down onto the rug.
“What she do?” Rafe asks just as JJ comes back from the bathroom, a wet washcloth in his hand.
“Nothing,” JJ mutters while cleaning you up, but you can't move, not yet. Your legs feel like they are made of rubber and your mind is empty, only having enough capacity to listen to their words.
“Why'd you do this then?” Rafe points at your utterly fucked out state.
“Do I ask you why you do what you do? No. Just let it go,” JJ snaps at him and leaves for his room.
“You could at least change the fucking sheets!” Rafe yells after him, but it's no use.
“Y/n, are you okay?” Rafe whispers and picks you up, holding you in his arms while you regain your strength.
“Frustrated,” you mumble and look at him with your glossy eyes.
“Maybank? Why?”
“Fight- Asshole-” you stammer, and he carries you out of the room and towards JJ’s.
“What did you do?” Rafe barks at JJ, your body still tightly wrapped around him.
“None of your fucking business,” JJ hisses.
“It fucking is when it ends with her losing all bodily capabilities, you ass,” Rafe yells, and you try to cover your ears, but it doesn't really help.
“He called her a whore, and he had to pay for it. I don't care what they say, but they don't get to insult her,” JJ explains harshly, and you start to slowly feel your toes again.
“Doesn't explain why you nearly fucked her into subdrop,” Rafe shakes his head and caresses your back. “You can't just do shit like that, and you know it.”
“She said she was okay with it.”
“She's a fucking people pleaser, asshole,” Rafe snaps, and you lift your head from his shoulder.
“Please stop,” you whisper, and he wipes a tear from your cheek.
“It's okay, baby,” Rafe whispers to you before turning back to JJ. “Don't let your fucking anger out on her without making sure she's alright.”
“Noted,” JJ says, and you can practically hear him roll his eyes.
“Good, because you gotta aftercare the shit out of her now. I'm not cleaning up your messes, Maybank,” Rafe tells him and basically hands you to him as if you were nothing more than a puppet.
“I'm sorry, love,” JJ whispers, placing you in the hot water and running his hand through his hair.
“S’okay,” you mumble and look up at him with a droopy smile.
“I'm gonna clean up, and then I'll be right with you, all right?” He kisses you gently and leaves again.
You think back to it, the moment he snapped. He looked like a different person, more like his dad in a way, and although you never even saw Luke Maybank up close, you know it’s true. You know the rumors are true. He didn't tell you, but in your heart you know it.
If his friends hadn't come, he wouldn't have stopped. If they hadn't showed up, the other guy would be dead. If it hadn't been for you, none of it would've happened.
It’s a rather quick spiral that you go down, and you can't stop yourself from crying, not even when JJ comes back and looks at you rather confused.
“Hey. Hey, pretty girl, don't cry. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here,” he tells you and pulls your head to his chest. But it doesn't help. You can't stop feeling like it was all your fault, all the pain in your life is your fault.
“Rafe!” JJ shouts, and it only takes a minute for him to run in.
“What you do now?”
“Nothing, I came back, and she's crying, and she won't stop,” JJ defends himself.
“Go. You seriously have no clue,” Rafe shakes his head and takes JJ's spot next to you.
“What's wrong, baby,” Rafe whispers to you, holding your face in his big hands.
“It's my fault. I killed him. It's my fault,” you sob and he shakes his head.
“No, it's not. You know it's not,” Rafe assures you, but you're too far gone for it to work.
“I did it. I killed him,” you cry and he clenches his jaw.
“Y/n, you didn't drive that car, it's not your fault. Please, listen to me,” Rafe pleads, but you shake your head, not wanting to believe him.
“Hey, hey, look at me,” he orders, and you turn your eyes back on him. “Three things you feel, name them.”
“Pain. Tired. Sad,” you answer slowly.
“Four things you can touch.”
“Water, you, me, bathtub,” you reply a little faster and he nods.
“Five things you see,” Rafe whispers, and you look around in front of you.
“Towel, shower, robe, painting-” your eyes get stuck on the blonde boy that is standing in the doorway of the bathroom, “JJ.”
Rafe snaps around to look at him. “I told you to leave!”
“What's wrong with her?” JJ asks quietly, and your heart sinks to the bottom of your stomach.
“Leave!” Rafe yells, and it takes a moment for JJ to realize that it will have consequences if he doesn't. But Rafe had already turned back around to you, stroking your hair. “We should get you to bed, baby.”
He dries you up and puts you in a shirt of his to sleep in, before laying you down in your bed and turning off the lights.
When you wake up, you're alone, and you decide to not get ready and just go downstairs the way you are. Before you can meet the boys in the kitchen you overhear them talking and stop in your tracks.
“That doesn't make sense,” JJ says.
“No shit. But that's just how it's been ever since. Your stupid fight triggered something, and the day is coming up in a week- It's a fucking minefield this time of year,” Rafe sighs.
“So we distract her?” JJ asks and Rafe scoffs.
“That's just delaying it. No, you just gotta stay with her and make sure she won't spiral. And when she does you have to keep telling her that it's not her fault, and pull her out of it. The naming thing always works,” Rafe replies.
“And what if it doesn't?”
“I don't know.”
You turn the corner and pretend like you had just come down the stairs, walking straight to the coffee machine.
“How did you sleep?” Rafe asks with a smile.
“Alone,” you say and take your mug, nearly burning your tongue as you take a sip.
“I'm sorry, y/n, for yesterday and all,” JJ apologizes, but you just shrug.
“Shit happens.” Pretending to not care was easy, too easy.
“I’m gonna be at the office all day. You think you're gonna be all right?” Rafe asks and you nod.
“I don't know why we shouldn't be.”
You spend your day training, not having done so in too long for your own liking. The water calms your mind and gives you enough time to reflect on your life choices.
You know Rafe is right. You know that it's not your fault. But the guilt you feel around it doesn't just vanish because of it.
Later that day Rafe texts you that you're having dinner at the country club with his dad, meaning JJ isn't allowed to come.
“I'll just enjoy the view right now,” JJ smiles and watches you get dressed. The underwear set is new, and you can tell by the way he's looking at you that he wants nothing more than to take it off again.
“If it was my call,” you start, but he interjects.
“I know, but it isn't. Besides, I don't really give a shit about family dinners and all that fancy bullshit.”
“Sarah will be there, and John B,” you remind him, but he shrugs.
“So what?”
“Have you talked to them at all in the last few weeks?” you ask and JJ rubs over the light stubble on his chin.
“They didn't reach out either.”
“They are your family though. That's what you told me,” you whisper.
“I have a new family now. I have you,” JJ smiles and takes your dress from the clothing hanger.
“That's not enough, and you know it,” you say while stepping into the dress and letting him zip it up.
“It's enough for you,” he says, and you sigh, looking at him through the mirror in your closet.
“But I'm a heartless bitch with more money than anyone else on this island. I don't need anything more, and if I did, I could just buy it.” Your fingers fumble with the necklace until JJ takes it from you and places it around your neck.
“I know there's a heart in there,” JJ says while holding you from behind, his right hand resting on top of your chest.
“Horrible. We should go get a knife and cut it out,” you whisper with a smile and he kisses your shoulder.
“You'd kill me if I said what I was thinking right now,” he mumbles against your skin and your heart stops for a moment, scared that he would say the dreaded words that you knew would definitely complicate your life even more.
“Then you really shouldn't say it.”
“I should, but I won't,” he looks back up, leaning his head against yours, smiling.
The dinner goes rather smoothly, although Sarah still gives you a side eye and once the Camerons are gone, John B asks how JJ is, but nothing more.
“Boring as ever,” you complain on the drive home.
“Glad he didn't ask when we're getting married,” Rafe exhales a laugh.
“Hmmm, let me think,” you tap your finger against your chin in a joking manner. “We can fuck them all over and just fly to Vegas right now.”
“Wouldn't be the worst idea we ever had,” he laughs and takes your hand up to kiss it just as he turns into your driveway.
“My mom expects a huge white wedding. At least a hundred guests,” you sigh while getting out of the car.
“We should start planning then,” Rafe grins at you, pulling you into his side and kissing the top of your head.
“What happens to that one, once we get married?” Rafe asks you, pointing at JJ who is standing in the kitchen with nothing more than his boxers on.
“They should make this harem thing legal,” JJ says and shugs the rest of his drink.
“A harem is one guy with many women, dumbass,” you laugh.
“The opposite of that then,” JJ shrugs.
“Sure,” Rafe rolls his eyes at him and JJ flips him off.
“Sometimes I think you guys forget who's the boss around here,” you say and zip your dress open, letting it fall to the ground and walking upstairs. “First one up gets to start,” you call out and hear them arguing already.
“Just because you're first, doesn't mean you know what you're doing,” JJ complains.
“Fine, you start then, genius,” Rafe scoffs, and you furrow your brows, it was unusual for Rafe to give in and let JJ do anything to you unless you specifically asked for it.
“What's the plan here, boys?” you ask with an anticipating smile on your lips.
JJ pulls you into his arms, kissing you deeply and pushing you against the bed. The backs of your knees hit the wood and you fall down.
“Just relax, gorgeous,” he muses and drops down on his knees before you, taking off your heels and letting his hands run up to your thighs. You sigh into it, the feeling of his fingers digging into your skin and the kisses he leaves on the inside of your thighs before unclasping the lace body right on top of your pussy.
JJ rolls the fabric up to reveal your stomach, kissing and nipping at your skin; biting your hip and making you jump in surprise. He loves to tease you, and you'd never tell him to stop, ever.
He comes up to kiss you, pushing the lace up even farther and helping you take it off completely. Kissing your neck and leaving marks you hear him chuckle, then his lips meet your ear, and he whispers, “you think he's taking any notes?”
Your eyes dart over to Rafe who has pulled a chair over and is watching you carefully. “Maybe,” you reply.
JJ hums, picking up his head to smile at you. “Hopefully.”
JJ kisses down your neck, following along your collarbone and to your tits. He sucks on your nipple, grazing over it with his teeth before he pulls on it and your back arches up.
“Would be neglectful to not give you the same attention,” JJ says to your other tit, and you would tell him off if he wasn't squeezing your sensitive nipple right in that second. His hand is playing with your sore tit while his mouth attacks the other. It's overwhelming and perfect, and you don't see any reason to hold back. Your moans and gasps fill the room, and they continue on even once he has let off your boobs and moved downward again. He sucks hickeys into the soft skin of your thighs, making you mewl and squirm.
“Tell me what you want me to do to you, princess,” JJ demands, and you grasp into his hair to push his face into your clothed cunt. He blows a little against your wet slip, and you instinctively want to close your legs, but he holds them in place.
“You should let me take this pretty thing off first,” JJ smirks and you lift your hips. The tiny slip is off faster than you can say your own name.
“Tastes so fucking sweet, baby,” JJ moans after licking over your wet pussy, his tongue dipping between your folds and torturing your clit a little.
“Hold on, princess,” JJ smirks up at you and your hand finds his hair, tugging on the fine strands as he plunges his tongue into your pussy. His nose presses against your clit, and with every stroke of his tongue, he edges you closer.
“More, JJ, please,” you moan, and he starts to suck on your clit while pushing his fingers into you. Curling them and sucking harsher, almost biting down on your clit, and you can't help but grind your hips against him. When his fingers come up to your face, and you lick them off, you already feel like you're about to explode.
“Cum on my tongue, baby,” JJ hums into you, licking long strides up your pussy before pressing his tongue flat against your entrance and rubbing his nose on your clit.
You keep rolling your hips and moaning his name as you come undone for him. His new technique isn't as good as the old one, but you're not one to complain about it.
JJ gets up and wipes his face on a small towel that Rafe hands him, but you can't stop staring at the wet spot in his boxers.
“Again?” you ask JJ with a smile and he shrugs.
“Can't help it. You taste too good, baby.”
You hold your hand out for Rafe after sitting up, and he takes and intertwines your fingers. He's still in his suit pants and shirt, looking down at you with a lustrous smile.
“You look really hot in this,” you whisper and nod, but your hands wander to the buttons, slowly opening the shirt until you can push it off his shoulders. His abs look so rideable to you, but you are still unsure if he'd let you once you ask.
“You're way hotter, baby. Next time I get to take off the fancy shit,” Rafe growls, his hand cupping your tit, brushing his thumb over your tit, but his eyes shift towards JJ. “You understand?”
But JJ just holds his hands up in defense and sits down on the chair.
“Take the pants off, babe,” you pout at Rafe, and he slowly opens his belt, pulling it out and dropping it to the side. It was like he was doing a strip show for you, and you loved every second of it.
Rafe pushes you to lie down, your hands pinned over your head as he kisses you aggressively. His free hand gropes at your tit, and you lift your hips to press your wet cunt against his hard cock.
“Always so needy,” Rafe mocks you before going down on his knees between your legs.
He's aggressive and fast, sucking on your clit with so much pressure building that you are scared he's gonna rip it off. But your screams just turn him on even more. His tongue thrusts into you with a harsh pace, and you try to get away from him, but he's holding you in place.
“Curl it,” JJ says and Rafe listens, curling his tongue up and ripping an orgasm out of you in a matter of seconds.
“J,” you pant and Rafe wants to get up, but you close your thighs around his head. “No, you stay. J, come here,” you tap the bed right next to your head.
They do as you say, and while Rafe is eating you out another time, JJ is fucking your throat and praising you.
Before JJ can cum you pull him from your throat and pump his cock slower, trying to pace him just a bit. But when you look at the two boys, so helpless when it comes to your wants and needs, you can't help yourself.
With a quick move you have J’s dick back in your warm and wet mouth, swirling your tongue and hollowing your cheeks. Your hand is massaging his balls, and he throws his head back and fills your mouth with his salty cum. It feels so good, you cum instantly, creaming all over Rafe's pretty face.
“Definitely doing this again,” you sigh, falling flat into the bed and not planning on getting up anytime soon.
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The engagement dinner is jarring and the only reason you can get through it is, because Rafe keeps reminding you that it'll be over soon, his hand resting on your thigh the whole night.
But the engagement party, the weekend after is fun, is actually fun.
You invited everyone you knew, including JJ's friends and Barry, who you hadn't talked to in ages. You spend the first half of the night tightly wrapped in Rafe's arm, smiling and laughing at some things his friends say.
Sitting on the couch on Rafe's lap you let your eyes wander, and they get stuck on JJ who is visibly uncomfortable while nipping on his beer.
“Maybe a blowjob will lighten his mood,” you whisper to Rafe, but he shakes his head.
“No, but honesty might.”
“What do you mean?” you ask and look at your, now, fiancée.
“I mean, he's been miserable and fighting it ever since we brought up that this would be happening. Not like you have much of a choice anyway,” Rafe shrugs lightly and runs his hand over your back.
“How do you know he's miserable?” you wonder, eyeing your boyfriend across the room.
“Because I use my eyes, and to be fair, I'd be pouting too if you wanted to marry him instead of me.”
“And what am I supposed to tell him? He knows I don't have a choice if I wanna keep the company,” you sigh.
“The truth. That you love him,” Rafe whispers and kisses your cheek.
“You can't know that,” you shake your head and he laughs.
“I see the way you two look at each other. I love you so much baby, but you've never looked at me like that.”
“That doesn't mean anything,” you fight his words, not wanting him to be right about it.
“I mean, you can try it with the blowjob, but I think the truth would be better,” Rafe smiles and slaps your ass, signaling you to get up.
You're dragging your feet walking over to JJ. “Look at that, a Pogue in a Kook mansion,” you tease with a smile.
“Hey,” he mumbles without looking at you.
“You okay?” you whisper and he nods, avoiding your eyes.
“Why shouldn't I be?”
“Because you've been avoiding me all day.” You reach out your hand to hold onto his and as soon as your delicate fingers close around his, he stares at you. Pain filled blue eyes and a merely unnoticeable tremble on his lip.
“Do I have to be happy about it? You want me to be happy about the fact that you're leaving me?” he hisses at you, but you feel like a weight is lifted off you, a soft smile tugging at your lips.
“Come on, I need to tell you something,” you whisper and lead him upstairs to your bedroom, unlocking the door and stepping inside.
“Why did you bring me here?” JJ asks, his hand is holding onto the bottle for dear life.
“Sit with me,” you say and place yourself at the edge of the bed. He follows reluctantly, yet again avoiding to even look at you.
“JJ, I'm not leaving you,” you whisper and he scoffs.
“Sure you aren't.”
“I'm serious, J. Just because I have to marry Rafe, doesn't mean anything changes between us.”
“Sure it won't, until you want to have kids, and then it's no longer appropriate,” he mutters, and you don't know how to convince him. Maybe Rafe was right with his assumption about him, about you. But the thought of it is debilitating.
“When I have kids they will have my name, JJ. Do you not want kids?” you ask and he sighs.
“I don't just want any kids, y/n, I want your kids,” he whispers and turns to look at you.
“Why would you think I'll leave you then?”
“Because you are marrying Rafe. Starting a family with Rafe. Just like the plan was. I'm nowhere close to being part of that picture,” he talks himself down, and you really have no more words left inside you.
You take his face into your hands and kiss him. Your heart is racing while looking at him and your throat feels dry, but you know you have to do it. And you know Rafe is right, you've known it ever since you let JJ compromise your thoughts from the very first time.
“I love you, JJ,” you whisper, and his eyes go wide.
“You sure?” he asks and as soon as you nod he pins you down onto the bed and starts kissing you. Your giggles and the soft attempts to get away from him are making it even better, until he has you pinned right where he wants you, and you are panting, looking up at him.
“You're so beautiful, y/n,” JJ whispers, diving down to kiss you, sloppy and with a smile on both your lips.
“We should go back down,” you whisper and he shakes his head.
“Not yet.”
“They might be looking for us and I don't-”
You don't get to finish your sentence when his lips find yours again. He sucks your bottom lip into his mouth and entangles his tongue with yours until you moan into him.
“I love you, y/n,” JJ whispers, and nuzzles his face into your neck.
And before you can think twice about it, your little make out session has turned into the best sex you've ever had with him. JJ is sitting under you as you softly roll your hips. He's buried so deep into you that every miniscule move is sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. His hands are rubbing over your hips and ass in a perpetual motion, while yours play with his hair.
You think you could stay like this forever, just you and him in perfect synchrony; in love.
And the only time his eyes leave yours is when he dips his head to suck on your tits, or kiss your neck.
When he turns you around to lie down and thrusts into you, it's like he's fucking you for the first time. A plethora of praises and a dozen more “I love you’s” fall from his lips while all you can do is moan and babble incoherently about how much you love him too.
When you find your way back downstairs, after what felt like an eternity, his arms are wrapped around you. JJ is himself again, flirty and always joking, and so incredibly more touchy than before.
“I see you made up,” Rafe smiles and holds his hand out, for you to take your seat back on his lap.
“Excuse me, you had her all night,” JJ complains and pulls you away, just to sit down right next to Rafe and let you kiss him like you had wanted to.
“No more trouble in paradise?” Rafe whispers to you and you shake your head.
“I love my boys,” you sigh.
“And I thought you went with the blowjob,” Rafe teases you and you roll your eyes.
“I could've gotten a blowjob?” JJ gasps quietly and softly pinches your thigh.
“You get those all the time, dumbass,” you giggle, and he smiles at you, completely enamored by your whole being.
“To think I get to be this lucky just because I couldn't stop staring at your tits, princess,” JJ whispers.
“Pretty nice tits,” Rafe agrees with a mumble.
“Pretty nice dicks,” you giggle and cuddle into JJ, bathing in the newfound closeness and in your mind you're already planning it all out; the kids, the dog, and the two loves of your life.
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please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho
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For the Danyal Al Ghul AU: How would Danyal react to other canon events like when Sam wishes she never met Danny, Tucker wishes for powers, the christmas episode, or other DP canon events?
(Also, I assume Danyal's cover is blown by the reality Gaunlet event.)
Ohooho I love this question. So im only gonna respond to the episodes you mentioned, since it's been a while since i actually watched the show and I don't remember all the episodes. And also since I don't remember them fully, I'm gonna get details wrong. I am fine with that, it still gets the gist down lol. I've got the tvtropes recap page pulled up, so i'll be using that to try and hit the major points it mentions.
So, Memory Blank! Man I've thought about that one, and its the one I'm frankly most excited to answer because it gets to show just how much of a positive impact being friends with Sam and Tucker had on Danyal. So where to start? Their fight goes differently than in canon, but I'm going to start from after Sam makes her wish.
Firstly; she and Tucker are friends, but the two of them are not friends with Danny. He's on his own. In this au, the three of them became friends when they were 11 and Danny's been in Amity Park for about a year.
They met in the beginning with Sam trying to befriend him at first because she realized that they shared similar ideals on environmentalism, but he rebuffed her pretty harshly due to a combination of grief over leaving his home, trying to process the fact that he can never return and will never see his brother again or meet his father, and just plain League arrogance lmao. He really hated being in Amity Park just in general because it wasn't his home and it was the city too.
So he was really rather unapproachable in the beginning. People kept a pretty wide berth of him due to Fenton association and his own vibes.
But Danny's still a kid, and they want socialization with their peers. At 11 he didn't have any friends, and was frankly quite lonely. He decided to approach Sam and Tucker after deeming them "acceptable allies", although Sam wasn't really interested at first up until he did the equivalent of apologizing. Tucker warmed up first afterwards, but Sam really wasn't too far behind.
So thats how they became friends, post-wish though? Lets say that Sam didn't accept the apology and rebuffed Danny, and kinda intimidated Tucker into doing the thing. Danyal closed down, backed off, and then never approached them again because he decided right then and there he wasn't going to chase it. Wasn't worth his effort or time.
Then he just. never approached another person after that because he didn't want to get rebuffed again (he wouldn't admit that it hurt a bit), and he could already tell his efforts wouldn't work. He turned his attention to other stuff. In this timeline it wasn't too difficult to find him at events dedicated to combatting climate change, deforestation, light pollution, animal cruelty, etc. the LOA is an environmentalist group, after all. They just also happen to be eco-fascist assassins-for-hire.
In summary, Sam and Tucker helped Danyal realize the flaws in some of the League's beliefs (the fascism) to the point where he could deconstruct it on his own. Being friends with them made him realize that, frankly, genocide was not the answer to environmental equilibrium, and that the people outside of the League had lives worth living. They also helped quell his arrogance, and just in general influenced him to become kinder even if it doesn't look like that all the time to other people. Sam and Tucker make him laugh, and smile, and just happy.
OG Danyal: wears pretty casual teen clothes. More punky-aesthetic. Has multiple ear piercings. These were self-done. Will have a lip piercing by the time he reunites with Damian, mark my words. Can and will wear muscle tees. Makes puns, jokes, is generally sassy with his friends. Can, will, and has climbed shit he shouldn't be because he enjoys the challenge of scaling a building. It's also very funny seeing Tucker and Sam reenact the "Gregory! HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE?!" meme. Still has a questionable moral compass, but like, he's not an eco-fascist.
This Timeline Danyal: dresses much more sophisticated; dark academia vibe. Closed off, cold. Is 2x more likely to kill someone than OG Danyal, who was frankly, pr kosher with murder already but only if he deemed it extremely necessary. Still an eco-fascist.
Danyal without Sam and Tucker? Still believes in the teachings of the League because he has not been really challenged on them. In fact, he has doubled down on it, actually. Living in the city, growing up estranged and ostracized by his peers, has only strengthened his resolve that all of humanity minus the league (and the Fentons) deserves to be wiped out. He is disgusted by the people around him and desperately wants to go home, even more than the last timeline. The only reason he hasn't is for Damian's sake, but he's been checking in with mother whenever she visits and asking to find a way to come home. She's been steadily wearing down on it; her child is miserable here.
This version of Danyal should not have powers, and is, essentially on the fast track of rejoining the league -- doubly so when he hears Damian is living with father. Clearly it's safe enough for him to be with father, if mother allowed it, and father has become safe enough for Damian to live there. Good. With the threat of two heirs being in the League gone, Danny can return with Mother's permission. And. he probably takes Jazz (and the Fenton parents) with him. Forcibly if he has to.
So Sam has her work cut out for her here, a lot more than in canon, because even when she does tell him that they used to be friends in another timeline, and he believes it, he is not going to give a shit. Clearly they were not as good of friends as she thought they were, if she had wished they never met in the first place. Good riddance, then. This Danny is cold, incredibly hurt, and very closed off.
He is a cave wall in comparison to the Danny Sam knew, and talking to him feels like walking into one. Because he is looking at her with just utter disgust and disdain, keeping a distance like he is revolted by her presence and allergic to her and everyone else's touch.
Which really, really fucking hurts when she knows that in their last timeline, he would actively seek out her and Tucker's company and affection. Sam could read her best friend like an open book, and now its like she's trying to read one in another language she barely speaks. This boy used to smile at her, he used to laugh at Tucker's jokes, and he was so passionate about the things he enjoyed. Now he looks at her like he wants nothing more than for her to drop dead on the spot.
It hurts even more knowing that her last words to her Danny were the words, 'some days i wish we never met'; the way he looked at her afterwards haunts her. For a split second, he looked completely crushed and heartbroken, before his entire body language and expression shut off and he totally closed down on her.
Because by this point in his friendship with her and Tucker, he's told them, he has told them, in a very intimate moment of vulnerability, that they are one of the best things that's happened in his life -- right there alongside the day he first met his baby brother. They are very important to him, and he has finally felt comfortable enough with telling them. There's not a day that goes by that he isn't grateful for their friendship.
So to hear Sam say that some days she wishes they never met? well. That breaks his heart. Just- just a little bit. Sam regrets it the moment it leaves her mouth, and she immediately tries to apologize, but Danny immediately spits back; "Well. I hope you get your wish." and then stalks off.
I'm warring with myself here trying to decide whether or not this new timeline Danyal is at a "point of no return", where nothing Sam says is going to make him attempt to reignite that friendship. Clearly that will end badly anyways, if this is the result of that friendship. He's cut all ties from these people; he feels no prerogative to fix things she broke.
Like, the version of Danyal I'm thinking of here has no close bonds with anyone in the city sans Jazz -- and she? has her own life outside of Danny. She is not his keeper, not his caretaker, and certainly not his therapist. (which i have beef about too, considering how she gets boiled down to 'therapist with no life of her own' but im not going into that.) She has some influence on him, but frankly not enough to really make him challenge his beliefs. Danny cares about her that, if he returns to the league, she is coming with him. Or at the very least, will be spared from the League's goals.
Mmmm. I can't make it a total point of no return though. Sam's very stubborn, and she knows Danny. And while this Danny is still very different, he is still Danny. She'll try and befriend him insistently in a way that might annoy him, but at least not push him away further.
(Tucker, meanwhile, is just soo confused about Sam's very random, very abrupt switch up. Cuz girl he thought you hated this guy? Why are you suddenly trying to get all buddy-buddy with the terrifying Fenton kid. Have you been possessed? Is this some kind of crisis?)
(Sam drags Tucker into befriending Danny because he is the only person she knows that can get him to belly laugh. Tucker is mildly terrified but going along with it.)
Anyways this does end with Sam befriending Danny, or at least getting him to like her long enough that he'll pick up a ghost weapon and face off against Desiree. There's no way in hell he's walking into that portal, that last timeline might have been a 1/billionth chance of it happening and he's not dying for the chance to get powers. And frankly with his training -- which he's probably kept up with even more than the old timeline because he had no one to spend his time with -- he doesn't really need them to be good at fighting them. Just show him how to ghost proof a weapon and he'll handle the rest from there.
But Sam does end up undoing the wish and getting back to her own original timeline in the end. It's the morning after her fight, and the literal first thing she does that morning is get her shoes on and fucking sprriiint to the fenton house. Bursts into tears when she sees Danny and apologizes over and over again. She swears she didn't mean any of it, and to please believe her, and Desiree's still loose and they need to stop her, and she's had the worst time.
She does tell him about the other timeline she just went through, and she hopes that, if it still exists, that that Danyal manages to find friends in the Sam and Tucker there after this. And if not them, then anyone.
Danny's still pretty hurt by what she said, it cut really deep, but he forgives her.
-----
Tucker getting his powers! Frankly things gooo... relatively the same as canon, I think? Actually, no. Danny probably figures out the whole Genie "i wish you would go back into your lamp" thing faster than canon danny since he's not a C student lmao. TV.Tropes doesn't give me too much specifics for a recap on the plot, so we're gonna wing it. For the plot I'm going to say that Tucker gets his powers before Danny figures out the "i wish" thing, which happens relatively quickly.
Danny tries to be... rather supportive of his friend getting powers? Especially since, in comparison to Danny, it was rather painless. However, he's also very suspicious. He doesn't trust the source of Tucker's powers, and warns him to be careful and to let Danny know if he feels off in anyway.
Tucker does end up helping Danny a few times, but the quick progression of his powers and Tucker's willingness to use them more often than not worries him. He reminds him a handful of times that Tucker shouldn't rely on his powers to help -- not even Danny does that. He prefers to use his weapons and martial arts to fight instead. Tucker doesn't listen.
And they end up fighting anyways. Things get resolved, everything turns out okay!
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Christmas episode straight up just. doesn't happen. Danyal doesn't care enough about the Fenton arguing or about Christmas to be upset about said arguing. He thinks its really childish, but he's not a grinch about all of it.
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Okay it wasn't explicitly mentioned but i have thought about TUE. And I'm trying to think how that would go because it's the result of Danny getting his hands on the math answers and cheating. Which Danyal would not do.
And someone mentioned in the comments on my ao3 under the oneshots there that TUE might just straight up not happen. Which makes sense, Danyal is so different from canon that things don't have to always happen like it did in canon. So that's something I need to chew about, cuz if it does happen, then I'm going to figure out a different way for it to.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul#usually i'd have a plethora of tags to add. but i dont really have much running commentary in mind lmao#i technically could just blow them all up in nasty burger just without the added 'cheating' thing. however. thats boring.#so i'll do my own thing#things in threes au
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With an insecure girlfriend!
Including Umemiya, Sakura, super, kiryu, taiga
I'll make a part 2 with choji togame kaji and Shuhei ( I didn't want this one to be too long)
Request by our lovely @valenspuppy
Umemiya
He would at the same time understand and do not understand why you are insecure.
Don't get him wrong he thinks you are just as perfect as you are he just knows it can be hard to love ourself.
But he doesn't understand why you are insecure you are the some beautiful girl he ever saw in his life.
Would be the type to give you cute compliment about your insecurities just to show you how much he loves them.
Would definitely grow flower with meaning about his love for you.
One time you went crying on him cause you thought your insecurities made you less attractive
He spent the whole day cuddling with you and saying how much he love you and how much he thinks they even make you more attractive.
Sakura
He sure doesn't understand how you can be insecure about yourself.
I mean even though he is used to be mocked by other people based on his appearance he is not insecure about them. He was a bit but he choosed violence and show everyone they better shut up.
But for you he doesn't understand.
For him he is with the most beautiful person in the whole word. He's even lucky to have you by his side.
He 's actually not good to express his feeling and how to reassure you but he doesn't need to say it he shows it to you.
When you seems down about yourself he would give you comforting hugs. Being in his arm feels so good and protected.
He even tries to be more affectionate towards you to cheer you up. Even though he was more red than a tomato he stills tries his best.
If someone dared to make fun of you he would beat them up until you tell him to stop. No one makes fun of his girl.
Suo
Would definitely understand you could be insecure even though he thinks you shouldn't be.
Suo is a very smart guy and he loves teasing people especially you. So he knew before you has the chance to tell him. But he still waited for you to tell him.
He actually didn't want to start the subject cause he thought it would be better if it came from you.
So he waited. And one day you came talking to him about it.
He listened hugged you and comfort you. Telling you he understand but also that you shouldn't worry about them cause he thinks it makes you even cuter and even more you.
Would be the type to if you are insecure bout a part of your body to kiss you there or put his hand there. In a gentleman way.
He just wants you to see yourself the way he sees you.
Kiryu
Would be the one who gets it the more.
He is used to the fact people would make fun of his soft side and stuff like that in fight.
But he thinks you are so beautiful so lovely.
Would be the type to shower you with compliments ever chance he gets in public or not.
Line if you are walking in the room adn coming to see him he would be like "hello sweety how lovely you are today" or stuff like that.
He didn't know you were insecure to be honest he just knew when you came in a bad mood you know the type of someone ask you if you are okay you would cry. And that's what he did. He asked you if you were good and you immediately cried.
With no thought he took you in his arm and spend the day talking about it with him without breaker contacts one time.
He tries his best to show you you shouldn't be insecure and that's he loves you so much.
Taiga
Poor baby didn't even know. I mean for him you would be so perfect there are no way you could be insecure.
But when he knew he came talking directly talking to you about it.
He tries his best to understand but for him it doesn't make any sense.
If you are insecure about your body he would at first reassure you and if he doesn't work he would ask you if you wants him to build you a sport program or even tells you what's best to eat. If you say yes he would be with you at every step. Face timing you at every meals and be with you at every sport sceance.
If you are insecure about your personality he would tells you all your qualities to make you feel better and every part of your personality that he loves.
He wants you to understand you are just perfect.
.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*.・゜゜・
Im sorry guys it took me a lot of time to actually write this one I was in an exam period and Im still in.
So I would like to apologize in advance if I take time to write. It should be better at the end of the month.
Love you all and remember you are perfect just the way you are. 🤍
#anime#headcannons#windbreaker#windbreaker satoru nii x reader#windbreaker satorunii#x reader#as your boyfriend#kiryu#suo#hajime umemiya#suo hayato#hayato suo#sakura haruka#haruka sakura x reader#kiryu mitsuki#mitsuki kiryu#taiga tsugeura
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how do you think they'd react to the other getting hit on
Absolutely possessive, and they're both passive-aggresive about it. Like "ha ha yeah he is hot! I know, right? Ha ha ha and the best part is that he's all mine." type of thing
Ok so first and foremost: obviously if they get flirted with they'll immediately state they're not interested and are also in a relationship. That being said, when the other is around they let their counterpart handle the situation, cause that's just what makes it more fun
So, I'd imagine they both have a tendency to kinda like, use oversharing as a way to "gross" people out
They'll just start leaning against - or rather on - the one who's being flirted with more and more, and with just the most passive aggressive politeness they'll happily disclose some of their private life, making it clear that they are very much together
Wilbur likes to pull the "you know where his previous husband, before me, is right now? Six feet under. Or I guess at the very least that's where lies what remains of him..." with just the biggest smile ever. Quackity finds it too endearing to even bother clarifying that the guy died of a heart attack, that the 'what remains of him' refers to Quackity eating his heart, and that legally him and Wilbur aren't even married (yet). He just likes seeing Wilbur get that sparkle in his eyes, passive aggressively telling people how lucky he (Wil) is, and how unlucky they are cause he's the one dating Q and they're not
Ok tried to keep it pg13 so far cause it is a more general question, but I'll give a more nsfw elaboration in the context of like, at a club or something under the cut
While Wilbur's more so focused on making sure everyone around knows that Quackity is his and only his, Quackity more so loves to focus on reminding Wilbur about how he belongs to Q.
He'll pull Wilbur in by the waist, trace his hand over the man's lower back, play with his hair a little in a way where it curls around his fingers tightly so that all he'd need to do to pull Wilbur's hair would be to lazily gesture his hand slightly back, etc. And verbally he won't shy away from telling the person how good of a boy Wilbur is, and how obediently he listens, so on and so forth, sometimes even going a bit into detail. Basically he'll happily talk about Wilbur as though he's not there/as though he's a dog obediently sat waiting for his owner to finish talking. And Wilbur absolutely loves that. He loves Quackity being possessive, he loves the physical reminders that he belongs to him, he loves the praise, he loves that little sprinkle of dehumanisation, and everything is nicely tied with a bow of exhibitionism, humiliation of people finding out that he's "just Quackity's plaything", and also just being a general menace to people
Altogether I'd say that pretty much every time Quackity gets hit on Wilbur ends up in his lap (the second he's able to) which eventually turns into some very soft and loving sex with lots of reassurance and words of affirmation, meanwhile if it's Wilbur who gets hit on most of the time it'll be rather BDSM heavy (but still just as loving, obviously) and Wilbur's probably gonna be ending up as a happy, but extremely exhausted wreck, cuddled up to Quackity who's giving him countless little kisses and continues to tease him with little whispers
#ask#asks#ask fern#spicy#ferns spicy rants#fern rambles#fernless rants#tntduo#c!quackity#quackity#c!tnt duo#c!tntduo#c!wilbur#c!wilbur soot#c!quackbur#dsmp#dsmp quackity#dsmp wilbur#quackbur#tnt duo
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Eddie Diaz is a white Latino. Did people learn nothing from the Pedro Pascal discourse? And does the fandom *not* remember that episode where the funeral protestor refuses to be tended by Hen and Chim, so he asks Eddie to give him care— fully seeing he’s white— until Eddie says his last name is Diaz and his father’s Mexican, but he can channel his mother’s Swedish heritage for the man’s comfort? White people are not members of the global majority, but they do live and exist outside Western Europe and the U.S. (like Mexico).
It’s so weird how parts of the fandom are making any positive reaction to a m/m relationship in this show (that isn’t their yaoi ‘buddie’ fanfiction) into something about loving to see white men kiss. Y’all would still be getting that with canon buddie! Y’all couldn’t even support Michael and Glenn (calling them “homewreckers”). Y’all constantly ignore Hen and Karen with your complaints of “queerbaiting.” Y’all also called TK & Carlos’ (911 Lone Star) relationship “toxic” because it began with sex and because y’all fanon Carlos as some aggressive control freak. Like… c’mon!
I don’t think anyone who is supportive of Buck’s new relationship is arguing that Tommy is perfect. He’s was a fucking dick to both Hen and Chim when they joined the 118. His “delivery man” comment to Chim was wildly unacceptable. No one has forgotten this. Yet both Hen and Chim are *NOW* good friends with him…? Why? He changed. And the show shows the audience this. They show that he developed a great camaraderie with Hen and Chim. They show how he— unlike Sal and Gerrard— shifted his behavior and worldview to accept, embrace, and enjoy change.
Tommy could have been Sal. He could have been Gerrard. He had a good working relationship with both men and both men encouraged bad behavior in the 118. Yet he didn’t. He stayed on and befriended Hen and Chim (when most of the other guys still refused). Because he chose to learn and change and open himself to people’s differences (which likely also helped him come to terms with his own “differences”).
Tommy’s arc is meant to show how someone can make amends, repair relationships, and become a better person (y’know… learn, grow, and reform himself). The general audience for this show is straight and white. They *need* to see white people changing and learning to be better. They *need* to see queer people coming into themselves. These are important story lines.
Fans like Buck and Tommy together because they like Buck and Tommy together, because they like what this means for them and what might happen going forward. That’s literally it. We’re all just overjoyed by having more queer representation, including Bi representation. That’s it.
But there are a lot of “buddie” shippers in people’s inboxes hating on Buck and Tommy together for no reason other than it stands in the way of their ideal porn fantasies (“buddie”). And they’re being weirdly queerphobic about it, too.
Hi Anon!!!! So much to unpack here. I'll post this and let anyone comment their thoughts because this is an interesting conversation.
I'll start by saying that it never occurred to me that Ryan Guzman was not White, until Bucktommy became more popular and some Buddie shippers said that Bucktommy shippers were preferring the White MM pairing and I was like "Hmm.... both Buddie and Bucktommy are White MM pairings"???? Like it never even occured to me.
I'm not here to debate Ryan Guzman's ethnicity, he knows that better than us, but as you mentionned people seem to forget that there are White latinos.
I should add that Americans will maybe have a different perspective but in Europe, there is racism, and there is also xenophobia both are bad, but not the same.
If I'm talking about someone who is White and Latino being a victim of prejudice, I would never say that they're victim of racism, I would say that he's victim of xenophobia.
Believe it or not there are a lot of Europeans are xenophobic but not racist and vice versa.
With that being said, I agree with the rest of your ask..
I love 911 Lone Star and watched 911 casually but I never got the Buddie shippers, especially the ones who said they shipped Buddie as a form of activism, or because there was a lack of Queer representation (which is true) but Henren are there, TK and Carlos are right there and it's the same franchise.
They never cared about Henren, they even erased them whenever they accused the show of Queerbaiting even thought it has several Queer characters.
I remember when they started complaining that Bucktommy had more fics that Henren after one kiss.... but never said anything about Buddie having over 20 000 fics after 6 years of nothing even thought Henren was canon.
A lot of their takes are rooted in hypocrisy, it's like they're taking all the arguments that have been thrown at them and throwing them back at Bucktommy shippers without even thinking about it.
It's very important to have discussion about fandom racism, because it's a huge issue especially in the biggest fandoms but I do feel like some of them are bringing the issue in bad faith. This discussion is so important but it needs to be had with the Bucktommy fandom AND the Buddie fandom. So far the Buddie shippers only want the Bucktommy shippers to have it.
Why don't they take a look at the mirror first and ask themselves why they never cared about a Black Lesbian couple when one of them was a Main Character. Why don't they ask themselves why a ship with 2 best friends has over 20000 fics and a canon ship that is TK and Carlos only have 7000.
And why do they find the weirdest excuses to hate on Carlos (as you said), who's clearly not White and never give him the same courtesy they give their fave White chatacters.
When Buddie shippers talk about fandom racism, all I can think is: the call is coming from inside the house.
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ok since you said you're all for swiftie rants, i feel a bit better sending this in 😭 i'm still a fan of her music (for the most part) but her as a person? never again.
i've been a casual swiftie since i was little and since her debut. i say casual because i didn't involve myself with fandom drama. never had any fan accounts or went to concerts. i didn't obsessively follow her life. i just loved her music and she seemed like a cool person. i always looked forward to her albums and new music.
when she started dating joe, i remember liking him from the beginning. he seemed grounded and chill. and kind. and i loved that she found someone like that. that he helped her through a really difficult time in her life and career. she just had a different glow with him to me. he helped her for the better in many ways imo. then 2023 happened and i was just... very confused. i wasn't on anyone's side in the beginning, just a "they were together for so long and they're probably both hurting, i wish people would leave them alone" and then she started dating THAT man like a month after their breakup was announced. i didn't know who matty was and god i wish it stayed that way. her dating him was a big wakeup call for me to think "yk what maybe she's not as cool as you thought." that saying "show me who your friends are, and i'll tell you who you are" is true imo. i don't know how someone can be friends with let alone DATE a man who not only does this, but admitted to it and LAUGHED about getting off to black women being brutalized. and that's not even all he did, idc if it was just a "joke" or an "act." it's not fucking funny and never was.
joe got harrassed and slandered repeatedly for a whole year. multiple of his female costars/friends did too because swifties were convinced he cheated on her with them. and taylor did absolutely nothing at all to stop it. not surprising ig because she never does, but still disappointing. if anything, she encouraged it. and what do you know? she was actually the one who cheated on joe. with matty fucking healy, who she had been pining over for a decade. she was the one who left joe. all because he was "too depressed" for her. i'm sorry but i have to laugh. what is this??
as far as the album goes, personal drama aside, i did like it for the most part. wasn't my favorite but i still liked it and i would've enjoyed it A LOT more if it wasn't so on the nose about everything that happened (and yk the whole "without all the racists" line. really? after dating matty? i think you'd be pretty fine if they were there idk). i would REALLY love "guilty as sin" if i didn't know it was a confession to emotionally cheating on her bf of 6 years because he was depressed and masturbating to matty healy who's just about every ist and phobic out there. i would really love "but daddy i love him" if i didn't know it was her jumping after her fans for actually having more morals than her and calling her out for dating that man. it's just... ugh.
sorry i kinda went off there 😭 it's just really disappointing to see her act this way. thank you for this blog! it has been very helpful for me and i'm sure a lot of other fans upset with her and everything that's happened.
yup
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They are both breathing hard when they finally get back to the Senate.
Fox leads her through a smaller door, one that Leia, even with all her time spent in the Senate Dome has never even seen before, and pushes her into an elevator that currently has only three maintenance droids in it. They all beep at them, but quiet down when Fox shushes them. He takes the coat from Leia, while Leia starts to comb her hair open. They need to work fast, so Leia unceremoniously puts a part of her hair in her mouth, while she starts braiding another part of it.
Fox watches for a moment, before he reaches for her head.
"Same part from this side too?" He asks. Leia raises her brows at him through their reflections on the elevator's shining wall, but nods. Fox pulls his gloves off, and takes a part of her hair into his fingers, and starts to braid with surprising speed and skill, managing to match the tightness of the braid to hers closely enough when in the moving elevator. He holds the braid in place until Leia gets to tie it up, and pulls both the braids behind her head as she starts to braid the last braid on the front.
"You seem to know what you're doing", she comments, as her mouth is now free from hair.
"I braid Thorn's hair a lot", Fox answers. "And I've seen this same hairdo on your mother. The last one goes through the middle, right?"
Leia swallows, but gathers herself quickly.
"Yes", she answers, and throws the last braid over her head as well. He pulls it through and tightens it up. He's much gentler than Leia's or Mama's ladies-in-waiting, who would pull the braid so tight that Leia could feel the pull in her teeth. "Mother used to wear this when she was younger."
It was one of the braids that were easy to do, even for someone who wasn't too experienced in tying up the Royal ladie's hair, so it was many times chosen when there was, for some reason, not too much time for doing the hair to any of the more complicated upstyles. Mother had liked it when Leia had been small, especially on the days she had had more time to spend time with just Leia and father. Leia had learned to do it pretty young as well, so she could match up with mother on their days out.
Something turns and tightens inside her chest for the thought that Fox had spent enough time just looking at her mother, and paying attention to every little detail, that he knows how to do the braid without instructions. It's bittersweet, because it also makes her feel warm amidst all the turmoil. He has paid enough attention to her mother to know how to braid hair.
Fox backs away a bit, and hums.
"Looks neat enough", he says, and starts to pull his gloves back on. "Deep breaths. We're there in just a moment."
Leia has just enough time to touch her hair and turn around, when the elevator stops and beeps, and the doors open. Fox holds the coat for one of the droids.
"Put this into trash", he tells it. The droid beeps, opens its compartment and stuffs the coat in, and then wheels out after the two other droids. Fox steps out first and glances around, and then waves for Leia to follow.
"I'm going to take the maintenance door, and go up to the next floor", he tells her as they walk down the corridor. "Go straight from here, and take the elevator on the right side of the hall. I'll be there."
Leia nods. She brushes her fingers against his, and he curls his fingers around them briefly before they part ways.
Leia holds her head high and walks without looking around, to the end of the corridor and through the next door, and she crosses the hall on the other side without anyone stopping to even look at her. She steps into the elevator, and puts herself into the corner in the back, behind a few other Senators and aides. She recognises a couple of them. It's strange, every time, to see people she has known all her life, but who now have no idea who she is.
The doors start to beep, but before they can close, Padmé Amidala steps in, and behind her is Anakin Skywalker.
Leia's heart slams to a stop, before she can control herself.
Deep breaths, Fox had just said to her. Deep breaths.
She breathes, and stares at the spot on the wall, trying to keep any unsavory thoughts out of her head. She had done it before, while being in the same room with him, while he was watching her cry in pain he was inflicting upon her.
He is just standing there now, not looking at her. She is safe. She is safe.
The elevator starts to move. Leia breathes in, and thinks about anything else than her birth parents standing right there in front of her.
#fox my man you are a goner you know?#also leia is trying so hard not to just stab anakin in the kidneys lmao#sw#tcw#Star Writing#snippets#Leia Time Travel AU#Leia Organa#Commander Fox#my writing#bail/breha/fox
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Ashaya backstory revamp
Ever since classes started again I have been consistently unable to either draw or write, and it's frustrating me a lot, so I'll just have to settle for making AU posts.
Andragoras and Tahamenay's child, that has not changed.
Given to some family in the Tabaristan region (formerly known as Mazandaran in ancient times), who were given hush money in exchange of raising them.
Ever since she was young, Sherine has noticed that she is... different.
Her parents leave her out. Her siblings pick up on that and leave her out too. Her parents don't treat her the same way they treat their other children.
Besides which, Sherine is not dumb. She realizes pretty quickly that she looks different from the rest of her family. Face too pointy. Hair too light.
People say she's a beautiful child.
Her parents seem determined to prove them otherwise.
Sherine is given more chores to do. Given plainer clothes. Made to stand behind her siblings at any given event.
She cries. She screams and struggles and stomps and yells in hopes that they'd listen, they'd know, this is unfair, she's their daughter too, isn't she? Sherine is—
Sherine is not dumb.
Sherine knows that whatever she is, she doesn't belong here.
People say she's a beautiful child.
Her family says she's nothing but trouble.
She wanders her hometown, sneaking off from doing chores at home. Spends her days scanning the faces of the townspeople— the merchants, the neighbors, the strangers, even the slaves. She looks and looks and looks, for any hint of similarity, any bit of resemblance, anything that might echo back to what she sees in the mirror, in the waters, every day.
Sneaks out of her house, flits from street to street, in a desperate bid to find someone, anyone, with some iteration of her features hiding amongst the crowds.
Stalks the family of that jolly grape seller from a couple blocks over, because they were light-haired like her even if the shades don't even come close to matching.
Hers is always different.
Hers is too peculiar.
Ivory-blond with rosy tips, hair of an outsider.
Mama beats her and sends her to bed without dinner.
Curling up in bed, hungry in a way that no amount of food would satisfy, Sherine thinks.
She doesn't belong here.
She isn't a child of this family.
She doesn't think she's even related to them.
Where are her parents?
Did they die? Is that why papa and mama take her in? Because they knew her parents?
Except, really, they mustn't have loved her parents, whoever they were, because if they did then surely they would treasure Sherine too. Right?
Right?
If they died and nobody here loved them, then why is she here? Wouldn't she have been put on the doorsteps of a temple or taken from the streets by... by...
She'll never get the image out of her head, a slaver, flogging a young boy barely older than her.
She's seen them, on her escapades, prowling the streets sniffing around for any abandoned baby by a roadside or in an alleyway.
She shudders thinking about it. Mama always says one of these days she's going to sell Sherine, too.
She's scared.
She doesn't know.
Whatever the case was, she was unwanted in some way. Is unwanted, right now in this present she lives in, unwanted by this family, unwanted by whoever decided to leave their daughter on this doorstep.
She clutches her aching stomach.
She doesn't sleep.
Day by day, night by night, she prays what little words she manages to remember.
Prays to be loved.
Prays to be found.
Prays to be...
To be...
There's a tale in this town.
If you wander deep into the woods, you'll find a dilapidated place.
They call it a temple. That's stupid. The building looks nothing like a temple.
Those who wander in, they say, come back wrong.
Come back days, months, years later.
No matter how long they take, they don't look a day older.
They were playing, her siblings and the other kids, they play, but she never gets included. They get mean when she tries. They always give her whatever's the worst.
She runs.
She runs and runs and runs until her legs burn and there's no air in her lungs.
She doesn't notice the butterflies frozen in air.
She doesn't notice the sudden stillness of the trees after a certain point.
Not until she trips.
There, on the ground, stained in mud and dirt and snot and tears, she curls up like she always does at night.
She's so hungry.
She hears their voices, a couple bushes over, arguing about the prey they were supposed to hunt.
They don't find her.
She bolts upright, startled, nerves tingling with something she doesn't know what to name.
She looks around.
Silence and stillness.
She should be afraid, she thinks. She should try to leave. To go home, to go find those dummies who didn't even see her when they were nearby.
But she thinks of their meanness, of mama's anger and papa's weird stares, of the prowling slavers wandering the streets.
Just a little bit, she thinks. Just a little longer. Just a little bit of peace. She'll take the beatings later, she'll deal with that when they catch her.
That's right.
She just has to not get caught for a little while longer.
[brain juices running out so this will be reverting back from story mode to summary mode, augh]
Anyways, she spends a long time (to her) in the woods and doesn't really notice that the sun isn't moving in the sky bc she's a little kid and she's too busy rolling around and having fun until she falls asleep out of exhaustion (both physical and emotional, since all the shit she went through finally caught up to her in a safe moment)
(you'll notice that in the story/narration part “Sherine” refers to themselves by she/her bc at the time they hadn't had the chance to realize y'know, the gender stuff)
Sherine wakes up, finds that it's night, and she can't find her way back.
(the haunted area actually booted her out so she's in a different spot of the forest)
Kid has an epiphany of sorts.
“She can't stay here.
Not anymore.
If she's so unwanted anyways, what harm would it do for her to disappear?
For her to leave?”
So she does.
Anyways, it's night, Farangis (with some clan adults) is wandering the area for a reason I have yet to fully decide on.
They meet.
Sherine is absolutely taken by this gorgeous lady.
One long conversation later while Farangis does her best to clean the kid up, it's abundantly clear that Sherine is Not Okay.
So they get taken!
And Sherine gets to chop off their hair and choose a new name.
But until she settles on a proper name she chose for herself, their temporary name is Ranna.
Sherine has a complicated relationship with girlhood because of the toxic standards that were forced on her by their “parents”.
Anyways that's how Ashaya comes to join the clan!
What I imagine a young ex-Sherine to look like as she leaves with Farangis.
Fun fact, Areyan is usually a sweet and gentle kid but for some unknown reason he and Ashaya regularly gets into fisticuffs.
They're 7 when they join the clan. Farangis is 15, she'd just come of age.
At some point I kinda wanted Ashaya and Alfarīd to have met in their younger years but I don't see that working out w this trajectory sooooo... oops.
Anyways, a look into Ashaya's trauma! Where their lack of hope and faith in the world stems from. I somehow couldn't get into it in the narration but her family house could own slaves, maybe, (still she gets made to do chores bc Double Standards), and on her escapades to find her parents or relatives in the town she gets to see a whoooole lot of violence thrown at slaves and poor commoners and it always stuck w them.
She tries questioning it once, they got punished.
Kinda echoes Alfarīd's hopelessness in the nation too, she did say in the manga “there's no point to restoring the nation, it'll just make new nobles and new slaves” and it's an attitude Ashaya holds, too.
It'll be up to them to find that hope again. Alfarīd would be the one to eventually give back hope to Ashaya, but for that she herself will have to believe.
Unlike in canon I don't really see Alfarīd coming to believe in someone changing the system, rather that there's something worth living for even in a broken world. I think she'd have an attitude like that. It just fits her.
(I'm reminded of the song Kamado Tanjirou no Uta from the AU playlist, and that one video from Hello Future Me about the Ghibli movie The Boy and the Heron.)
(“We did not choose this world. But we must live in it.”)
To elaborate on why Ashaya lost faith in the world, it's smth like, if something so terrible and hurtful like the slavery system is allowed to exist, if nobody batted an eye at the abuse she went through, if nobody thinks to hold abusers accountable, if people are rewarded with brutality for their kindness, then... there's nothing worth saving here.
In addition to their own abuse they also saw others being abused, remember that the clan is made up of runaways and hurt people and abandoned people and victims and survivors— almost nobody who comes to the clan... came from happiness.
Is it any wonder that their faith was broken?
In contrast, let's look at Alfarīd. Protective instincts, strong sense of justice, responsible if a bit chaotic, remember how in the manga Alfarīd urges Estelle to remember the women and children and injured they'd saved? That they must think of, that they must protect, instead of thinking about the King?
Alfarīd, I think, abhors the system, but still sees people and things worth protecting anyways.
(and not to jump all over like a kangaroo but let's talk about Farangis this time)
She's an orphan. She entered the temple of Mithra after her loss. She was too talented. Too diligent. Too beautiful. People shunned her because of it.
And I'm willing to bet there's aggression and subtle bullying, too.
Look, it's a closed community. That sort of place gets rancid real fast.
(I would know. I myself was trapped in a prison of a boarding school where my suicidal ideation got wayyyyyyy bad.)
So, y'know, Ashaya-as-Sherine is a reflection of her days in the temple. That's why she has a soft spot for her.
Farangis is one of the few people Ashaya will listen to.
Anyways that concludes thus the post about Ashaya!
#arslan senki#the heroic legend of arslan#heroic legend of arslan#wolfpack au#winds of wolfsong#rotten egg's shitty writing#ranna (oc)#ashaya (oc)#farangis#alfarīd#alfreed
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Hello everyone. I'm sure many of you seeing this post know what it's about, but for the ones that don't, yesterday I made a post saying, and I quote "Hey, this is your daily reminder that Riz is not canonically Aromantic! He is implied to be, and it's totally fine to hc that, but I've seen a lot of people stating he's aromantic like it's a fact, when that has never been confirmed! He is canonically Asexual tho, you can't take that away!" Since then, I have gotten called stupid, bigoted, and I have been told to kill myself. As anyone who read my bio knows, I am a seventeen year old high school boy who is just trying to get through AP exams.
I never wanted to start drama, and I've never had any bad intentions. I just wanted to clear up some common misinformation I saw. But it seems no matter how much I say that you can headcanon whatever you want and ask people to stop harassing people who have different interpretations of media than them, people only hear what they want to. I was asked what I expected to happen when I posted that, and honestly, what did I expect? Well, I didn't expect to be harassed by a community that I thought was full of love. We are queer DnD lovers, and I thought that would be the last group of people to hurt those who are different. I believed, perhaps naively, that my post wouldn't do much but encourage people to do their own research on what's canon.
Please do not take away the wrong message from this post. I am not asking for sympathy. I am asking for you, as a community, to do better. I don't hate anyone who has been a part of this mess. People are wonderful multidimensional beings with endless possibilities, and I choose to believe that everyone has good in them.
I am not perfect. I am sure there is a logical fallacy or two that I've had in my posts. I'm sure I've come across as too aggressive at some points. I'm sure that if any of these writings were submitted to the AP English exam I took today, I would've failed. I'm argumentive, extremely wordy, and not much to look at, but one thing I've always tried to be is kind.
I promise I tried to make sure everyone knew I was a safe space. Any opinions or headcanons you have are welcome and accepted as long as you respect other people. I have failed to make the community feel safe in my account, and for that, I ask your forgiveness.
Please do not search out or harass anyone who was related to this. If there's one thing I have learned from today, is that it can really mess with you. I love every one of you, even those who seem to believe I'm Satan himself. This was a learning experience for all of us, and I hope we can grow as people together.
And finally, to the person who told me to kill myself, I will not. I will live and I will be happy. I'll have a long, fulfilling life surrounded by my friends and family, and I will not let my opinions on a fictional goblin define me. Because I know I'm a good person and I hope one day you can say the same.
This will be my final post.
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i promise i'll do better (i will soften every edge)
zutara month, day 11: "mom and dad are fighting again", @zutaramonth
summary: kya interrupts an argument between katara and zuko.
warnings: reference to (implied) abuse/domestic violence, wrt to ozai's treatment of ursa.
other notes: lyrics from 'light' by sleeping at last. don't ask me how timelines work idk. yes there is a zutara daughter named kya here (separate entity from the lok kya.) she wears her hair in a southern water tribe braid and zuko calls her firecracker and it’s very cute. not really relevant but in this story i’m imagining she’s a nonbender.
“Katara, you know I agree with you.”
Across from him, she crosses her arms, and Zuko sighs. The throne room is empty, save for the two of them, and Zuko feels trapped, claustrophobic in the walls. They’ve made a point of opening up windows in the castle, letting light filter in, getting rid of old, haunting portraits, and making something new and beautiful together.
But the throne room doesn’t have windows to open. On a day like today, at times like these, it’s all too easy to remember the staunchly severe figures both his grandfather and father made here, walling themselves as they did behind high, towering fires.
Maybe they shouldn’t be having this talk here. It's too late now, but something to note for the future.
“It doesn’t seem like it.”
“Of course I want to increase reparations soon,” he insists. “That’s the plan, and that’s always been the plan. But we have to be smart about this,” he tries to remind her. “We can’t do it all at once, or people will try to block—”
“Oh, so now you’re all about thinking things through! Those instincts could have served you well years ago, you know.”
Zuko closes his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. The words are biting, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. Things have been tense again in the Fire Nation lately. Better than ever before in some ways. Worse in others.
The first years after the war were a turbulent time in the Fire Nation—riots from those not happy with the changing of the old guard, strikes from workers contesting the need to pay reparations to the other nations, whispers of loyalists to the old regime plotting to get either Ozai or Azula back on the throne. A few assassination attempts, all handled efficiently but reason enough for concern.
Ten years past the end of the war, though, and things have started to stabilize. The plan has always been to increase reparations once the Fire Nation’s economy has improved, and Zuko intends to keep his word. But part of the system he’s trying to build means that there are representatives from all over the Fire Nation, as well as the other nations, and they each have their own agendas. It’s a tricky thing to navigate; he has to take all of their concerns seriously, of course, but also act according to his own principles. To live up to the promises he made years ago, and that he’ll continue to make for years to come.
Katara looks at him with a combative raise of her eyebrow.
It’s taken a strain on their relationship. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, they’re both a little too good at lashing out, both a little too good at saying the thing that will hurt, even if they immediately regret it.
But usually, by the end of the day if not before, they can remember they’re on the same side, for all that their perspectives might differ.
“Can we pause?” Zuko asks of her, and her features soften. “Just—try to hear each other out? Katara, I understand…” but before he can finish, the large door to the throne room creaks, and Zuko watches as one of the serving maids guides their daughter into the room.
“See?” Kya points to them, eyes wide with alarm and lip quivering. “Mom and Dad are fighting again.”
Something in Zuko’s stomach drops. He doesn’t want her to worry about this. About them. He’d had to worry about his parents, to worry about his mother, Ozai looming over her, and sometimes Zuko was pretty sure he saw fear in her eyes where there should have been love, and then—
She’d been gone. And he’d drawn his own conclusions, quietly and with little reason to question them.
“She coudn’t sleep,” Hina says apologetically, and Zuko only waves a hand. “She was asking for you both.”
“Thank you for bringing her.”
“Oh, sweetie, don’t worry,” Katara says, walking over and lifting Kya up onto her hip. “Things are just tense right now,” she says, with a guilty sideways look to Zuko, who smiles weakly. “It’s not anything for you to worry about.”
“Promise?”
Zuko walks over to join the huddle and places a kiss atop her dark hair, which is twisted in a braid. “Promise, little firecracker. Mom and Dad are just trying to figure out the right way to handle something.” He meets Katara’s eyes and tries to impress the sincerity of his words on her. “But we will figure it out. We always do.”
Katara smiles at him and uses the hand not keeping Kya secure on her hip to touch the small of Zuko’s back in a gentle gesture. The three of them stand huddled together, and for the first time in… weeks, probably, Zuko feels his body relax, just a little.
He smiles back, a little exhausted but a lot relieved—to have Katara with him, there to both challenge and support him, to have Kya with them, creative and funny and quick as a whip as she is, and at only age four. He’s glad to have his family.
They are okay. Right now, they are okay. Whatever else may come.
#zutaramonth2024#zutara month#zutaramonth#zutara#my fic#day 11: “mom and dad are fighting again”#trigger: abuse.#trigger: domestic violence.#jic. small references.#atla
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Her || Charles
Main characters: Charles Leclerc x OC
Genre: fanfiction, fluff
Story type: novel
Part: 12/?
Word count: 3726
Co writer: @mistrose23
Summary: This was Matilde Jørgensen, the newly appointed team principal of Scuderia Ferrari, about to face one of the most nerve-wracking challenges of her life. She tried to save the team from more disappointing results and put everything on the line to make them world champion again. There will be a big challenge to lead a historic team as 'newbie' and keeping her work and personal opinions apart from each other. The big question everybody will be asking: is she capable to do so?
Chapter 10. Unaware
"Hey," Matilde said when she entered the room next to her office. Galileo was already working behind his desk. "Do you have a minute so that we can talk?"
The young Italian nodded, knowing what this was about. "Of course."
"Do you want something to drink? I'm getting a cappuccino."
Galileo raised his eyebrows and really wanted to say something, but he thought it was best to keep his mouth shut. "No, thank you."
Matilde had to do her best to hide her grin. It was 14:00, and technically, according to the Italians, it was too late to drink a cappuccino. But she didn't care. People in this office didn't care about her, so why should she care? "Okay. I'll be back in... five?"
"Yes, absolutely."
The Dane walked to the coffee corner on the same floor and asked the barista for a cappuccino. Again, she received the side eye, but Matilde only smiled, causing the barista to make the cappuccino anyway.
A few minutes later, Matilde entered her office and called Galileo in. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," he nodded as he sat across from her. "How about you?"
Matilde pressed the corners of her mouth down, acting casual. "Fine, fine," she mumbled. "I will go straight to the point because, apparently, I have a board meeting now." She noticed the stress on Galileo's face when she said it. "How come I was unaware of the inauguration ceremony this morning?" Matilde asked and looked at Galileo. 'And the board meeting?'
The young assistant parted his lips and looked at his boss. His heartbeat became fast; he forgot to inform her about the inauguration ceremony and the board meeting. "I... I forgot, I think."
She nodded. "Thank you for being honest with me, Galileo," she said. "Look, I would be lying if I said it is okay and can happen. I need to know when these things happen, these events are very important for me, the team and for the representation of this team. You are here to support me, manage my appointments and to make sure I am aware of it." Matilde shared a warm smile, she could see how sorry he was. "For now, it happened, and there's nothing we can do about it anymore. But for the next time, double-check everything, okay?"
"I will. I am sorry," the young Italian said.
"Thank you."
Galileo got up and was about to leave the office.
"These things happen, but make sure you learn from them. Without making mistakes, you won't learn properly," she reminded him before he left.
Once he left the room, her smile dropped, and she turned around in her chair, facing the wall behind her desk. She blinked a couple of times and yawned. Being a team principal was literally being a teacher to toddlers. Matilde took a deep breath and got up, taking her laptop, notebook and coffee with her. She made her way to the meeting room, ready to be attacked and to defend herself in front of the most influential people of Ferrari.
"Hello," she said when entering the room, leaving the door open.
The big people looked already annoyed, a great start. She showed no fear and made her way to the only available seat.
"We've been waiting for you for over fifteen minutes," a woman said.
Matilde didn't remember her name, only that she looked like Donatella Versace. Matilde glanced at her, ready to say something, but she got interrupted by a knock on the door. She looked at the person, it was Mario. "Mario," Matilde smiled.
"Sorry to interrupt. Can I ask you a question?" Mario said.
"Of course. What is it?" She nodded and opened her laptop.
Sighs filled the room, causing Mario to look uncomfortable. Glances were shared; why did Mario interrupt? But a more important question was: why did someone from the night shift ask for her?
"The order that is missing, do we have an update on it yet?" Mario asked, hoping the order had arrived.
Matilde blew up her cheeks. "I have not seen a note yet, so I don't think so. I will follow it up after this meeting, you will hear from me."
The night shift manager and the team principal looked at each other; both wondering why they were present at the office. Mario squeezed his eyebrows together. "I thought you were supposed to be here at..." Mario pulled up the sleeve of his watch. "Six o'clock?"
"Well," she countered. "And what are you doing here then?" A cheeky smile came on her face.
"Mhm-mhm," Mario chuckled. "I will hear from you," he winked and walked away.
It was silent in the room again. Matilde looked around, raising her eyebrows, waiting for the meeting to start.
"What was that all about?" the same woman as earlier asked.
"If you work a shift, you are not allowed to start your next shift eleven hours after your previous shift ended. And since the night shift ended eight hours ago, we are legally forbidden to be here and work until six this afternoon," Matilde explained, reminding the board about the rules.
No one reacted to the comment. Instead, Simone started the meeting with a small introduction of why the board came together. "Firstly, do you have a reason why you were late to this board meeting, Matilde?"
Matilde looked up from her laptop and blinked a couple of times, taking a sip of her coffee. "Legally, I am not supposed to be here. My shift ended eight hours ago, which I explained a few seconds ago. I am making an exception to be here," she mentioned. "So the reason why I am late: I am still off duty."
No one seemed to find a suitable answer to her reply. Again, they were sharing looks with each other, trying to understand why she took a night shift.
"For clarification: I am taking night shifts every other week?" Matilde looked around, she thought people were aware about that. She always wrote it down in her work agenda and everyone has access to her agenda.
"Noted," Simone said and he looked at his notes. "So the reason why you were late at the inauguration ceremony is also because of the break-rule. But may I ask why you're here? You are legally not allowed to be here for four more hours, as you said so yourself."
"Exactly." Even though that wasn't the exact reason why she was late at the ceremony, she thought that was an excellent reason for this board. Galileo made a mistake, but that was something between them, and Matilde wanted to protect him from the board. "And the reason why I'm here is because I was bored at home. And I'm the team principal, I always have work to do."
The woman who spoke to her at the beginning, took over. Wasn't her name Antonia? A sly smirk appeared on her face, she was ready to attack the young team principal. "We received a message from PR about the celebrations in Miami."
Oh, here we go, Matilde thought. How did PR know about this? Who talked? Matilde nodded, accepting that she had to explain her side of the incident.
"We understand that you are delighted to celebrate your first win - as you should, but we received videos of you partying with Max Verstappen and some employees of Red Bull Racing. You have to understand that that is not great for your image."
Matilde straightened her face. This was about Max and Red Bull? She looked around, everyone looked sternly at her, like she had damaged their reputation. "Well, yes-"
"We understand you have your friends at your former team, but you cannot be seen like this." The tone of Antonia was unrelenting.
Matilde was prepared to defend herself and maintain her professionalism, but the weight of their expectations was palpable. She took a moment to generate her response. Of course, she knew the delicate balance she had to follow between maintaining relationships in the paddock and upholding Ferrari's image.
"Matilde, do you think that action was appropriate?" Simone could see Matilde was thinking about a response, but he wanted her to be faster. He was taking notes, looked up and waited for a further response. "It could be perceived as celebrating with a competitor, a rival."
"I appreciate your concern," Matilde began, her voice steady. "And I acknowledge that appearances matter. However-" Before she could elaborate further on her intentions, someone else cut in.
"Our image is important. We cannot afford to have our team principal's actions misinterpreted, especially with a rival team." The voice of the man was sharp, but impatient.
The frustration in Matilde's veins simmered just below the surface. But she maintained her composure. "As I was trying to say, we must also consider the context. I was not celebrating with Max and Red Bull Ra-"
"You have to understand that it's not just about the context."
This meeting was about interrogating Matilde, to share their criticisms without allowing her to respond fully and to defend herself. Matilde had expected a severe meeting about the team's performances, not this relentless lecture that made her feel increasingly unheard and undermined.
Matilde clenched her jaw and she took a deep breath, now her irritation began to bubble up. She didn't get the chance to explain herself, as they only seemed to be interested in one side of the story. She refused to back down on her story. "I understand the importance of our image-" she repeated, her voice tight.
But yet again, she was cut off by Simone, who seemed to have a lot of fun by irritating her. "Our team's reputation is at stake here. You may see it as a small gesture, but the public won't always perceive it that way," Simone looked at Antonia. "Antonia, you have set up a statement. Matilde, we want you to publish a statement for this incident."
Matilde squeezed her eyebrows together, and she looked around as if she was the main character of The Office. "Excuse me? Why?" Her tone was openly irritated now. "I acknowledge the importance of the team's image, but let's not lose sight of the bigger picture here. This obsession with a harmless moment is counterproductive."
"Matilde, the perception of our team matters. We need to control the narrative. A statement will help manage this situation," Antonia said.
Matilde almost groaned in frustration. They weren't listening to her, it was like they were fixated on the statement and not the reason behind it. "I understand your point, but let's not forget the context. I believe we are blowing this out of proportion. If I just may-" Her patience was wearing thin.
"You have to-"
"If you could, please let me finish," she repeated, raising her voice a little bit, demanding to have the word. "The reason why I was standing next to Max and Red Bull was because I was not invited to our own team's celebration dinner," she explained.
The board members exchanged glances, and Simone leaned back in his chair, a look of incredulity on his face. "So you decide to celebrate your win with our rival?" He repeated, as though the idea was utterly preposterous.
Matilde blinked a couple of times, looking unheard. Did they just not hear what she said? "In other words, yes," she responded. "Because I was not invited to the team's celebration dinner. And I want to clarify this: Max Verstappen is my friend, Red Bull is filled with my friends-"
"We need to address this issue promptly and professionally," Antonia chimed in, her tone critical. "Drafting a statement is the right course of action."
Matilde's frustration had reached its peak. She couldn't believe how obstinate the board was being, seemingly ignoring her explanations. Their need to release a statement was maddening. "Are you even listening to me? Why do I need to justify myself for the fact that I, the team principal, was not invited to the team's celebration dinner? It makes more sense for you to justify this situation." She felt so extremely selfish to say that she wasn't invited and that she had to be invited. Perhaps everyone disliked her and it was their plan not to invite her, and perhaps it was her expectation she had to be invited. Perhaps she was the issue.
"You are the team principal, you are a model to not only your team, but to the entire field and fanbase," Simone emotionlessly replied.
"Fine, but then make sure Leclerc is not allowed to talk to Gasly outside of work anymore, or meet with him outside of the track. And ban Sainz from golfing with Norris," Matilde shot back.
While the board was discussing the situation, the entire floor could hear their debate. Even though there was a lot of work to do, the entire floor of employees were more interested in the conversation. People gathered around, close enough to the meeting room to hear everything, but not to be seen by the board members. It had been the first time they heard Matilde speaking up like this. People doubted if she ever could get angry, but after this weekend and this discussion, they figured out Matilde could get angry very badly.
Charles and Carlos were sitting at a desk, in the engineers room, discussing some points for the sim later this afternoon. They could hear the discussion very well. Even they stopped working to follow the discussion.
"She's feisty," Charles said perplexedly. "Oh, my gosh." He covered his mouth with his hand.
"After Sunday, I didn't think she could surprise me anymore, but I didn't expect this," an engineer mentioned.
Carlos' mouth hung open, focussing on the conversation. "We have to say something, this is something between her and the board, not us."
"No, no, don't," Charles replied, raising his arm.
"But this is unacceptable. You're nosy."
"It is their problem, not ours. They shouldn't have left the door wide open," Charles shrugged. Carlos got up. "Don't," Charles said disappointingly.
Carlos shook his head, left the engineer's room and walked through the hallway. He noticed how the entire floor was standing close to the meeting room. It was serious, very serious. Charles joined him on the walk, he couldn't resist the urge to get closer to the commotion. They squeezed between the people, careful not to obstruct anyone's view.
"I can't believe they're making such a fuss about this," Charles muttered under his breath.
Carlos looked behind him, not realising Charles had followed him. He nodded in agreement. "It's absurd. They're treating her like she committed a crime." He stepped to the room, everybody collectively holding their breath. When he stood in front of the room, Matilde was in the middle of her sentence.
"I still cannot figure out how me, having a night out with my friends, bothers you the most out of that evening?" Matilde asked.
To Carlos' surprise, Matilde was still looking and speaking professionally. He knocked on the door, alerting them to his presence. "Hey, I am..." He pointed at the door.
She looked at him and held up her hand. "You can leave the door open, Carlos," she said before continuing on the same tone with the rest of her words. "Do you know what bothers me the most? Besides the board not understanding this situation, the fact that the entire team, not just a few people, but everyone, went out for dinner to celebrate the win and they did not even bother to ask me to join them on purpose."
Carlos stood speechlessly in front of the meeting room. He looked to his right, to his team, with rounded eyes. He walked back to his team. "This is serious shit," he said.
"I will not publish a statement," Matilde finished her story. "I think it will be time for us to hire an external coach or a psychologist. The way of communication has to change internally and as quickly as possible. Especially the communication between employees. That is the main issue in this team. This meeting is over. If there are any questions, don't hesitate to contact my assistant. Good afternoon, everyone."
The people in the hallway didn't know how fast they had to return to their desks. They had to pretend they hadn't been listening. Carlos ran after Charles back to the engineer's room. They jumped down on their seats. A second later, Matilde passed them. Silence fell on the entire floor and they all looked at Matilde; she showed no emotion.
"Holy shit..." Charles whispered. "That was something else," he remarked.
Carlos nodded, still impressed by Matilde's determination. His respect for her grew. "She's not one to back down, that's for sure."
The entire floor has just witnessed their 'puppy' team principal push back against the board with an intensity that was rarely seen. The engineers were buzzing with discussions about what had just transpired. It was clear that Matilde's impassioned defence had made an impact on everyone who had heard it. The board, too, was left with much to consider after her strong words. Her speech had ignited a new level of respect among the team, who now saw her in a different light. Her actions had solidified her position not just as a team principal, but as a leader who wasn't afraid to fight for the people, even against the most powerful figures within Ferrari.
Charles got up from his chair and made his way to Matilde's office. He ignored Galileo, who told him not to enter the office. After knocking, Charles swung open the door; Matilde was standing in front of the window, arms crossed, looking outside, her posture reflecting frustration and exhaustion.
"Hey..." he gently spoke.
Matilde looked over her shoulder. Once their gaze met, she showed just a smile - a smile without emotion or meaning. "Hello," she replied.
"Would you like to grab a coffee?" He pointed behind him. "There's a new coffee stand on the campus."
She considered Charles' offer for a moment. The tension from the board meeting still lingered, just like the unaware ceremony and incident from Sunday. However, she knew a short break and some fresh air would do her good. She stared at her watch and she nodded, she had some time left before her next meeting. "Yeah, sure," she replied, her smile now carrying a bit more warmth.
Charles hoped that this coffee break would provide her some rest and reset. Matilde grabbed her pass and sunglasses before they left her office. In silence they walked over the campus. Charles didn't feel the need to say anything, he wanted to make sure that Matilde could empty her mind.
As they approached the stand, Matilde scanned the new stand. She hadn't seen it before, but it looked cute. It was quite a minimalist stand, it was a stand that could go viral on Instagram for the aesthetic. Matilde was surprised to see that they served iced coffee, so she ordered that. Charles ordered a simple espresso.
"Thanks," Matilde broke the silence. They had their coffee and sat down on a small wall next to the stand. Charles looked at her, sharing a questionable look. "For... You know, this."
"Of course." He offered a supportive smile. "A small break can do miracles."
"I..." She took a deep breath. "I really appreciate it."
"Anytime." Charles looked in front of him. "And about Sunday... I didn't know what was happening. I assumed you were at the dinner, but somewhere...I don't know, somewhere where we couldn't see you."
"It's okay. It happened."
"It's not okay and it wasn't classy from our side."
"It is what it is, Charles. I hope it was miscommunication and I hope we all learn from it," she responded. Momentarily, Matilde didn't like the team, but she couldn't show it. She had to deal and work with it. "And I didn't celebrate the win with Max. People told me there wouldn't be a party because of the early flight the next day, so I wanted to get a drink at the hotel. I bumped into Gemma, my best friend. She works as a PR manager for Red Bull, and she dragged me to the restaurant. If I knew about your dinner, I obviously wouldn't have done it."
He pressed his lips into a thin line and he looked at her, it looked like she regretted everything.
"I have my friends at Red Bull. Max and I joined Red Bull at the same time, we 'grew up' together, I met my friend group there. And everyone assumes I moved to Ferrari to spy for Christian. When we see each other, we briefly talk about F1, we mostly talk about bullshit and ourselves, not about our work. I signed a million documents, they signed a million documents, why do people assume we share the team's deepest secrets?"
"You don't have to explain yourself, Matilde. I understand you." Charles knew it was better if she could just rant, let it all out, he wanted to let her know that it was safe to rant with him.
"And this morning, I got here and it was basically the same thing all over again. The ceremony thing and the board meeting I wasn't told about." Her voice cracked and she let out a loud sigh. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's okay," Charles replied and put his espresso next to him on the wall. He wrapped his arm around her and rubbed her arm.
Matilde leaned into the comforting gesture. Fortunately, she was wearing sunglasses. "I just want to do what's best for the team. I do what I think is the best," she admitted, her voice filled with raw emotion. "And I know this role isn't for softies, but there's just so much friction."
"Ferrari is a tough team to work with. I can't approve of what happened this week, but it's been a stressful time," he shared.
She straightened her back and dried her eyes. "Thanks." Matilde looked at him. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds. Charles shared a warm smile, Matilde couldn't help, but smile because of his smile. "God, this isn't professional. I am sorry."
Charles chuckled. "Team principal or not, you have feelings and sometimes you have to let them out. This stays between us, alright?"
"Thank you." She got up and looked around. "Let's get back to work. I have a feeling there are more wins in store for us."
#f1#formula 1#formula one#charles leclerc#fanfic#carlos sainz#max verstappen#kevin magnussen#ferrari#scuderia ferrari#motorsports
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AITA for not texting my friend?
To be clear I have no intention of cutting off this person, I will not block or ghost them, and if they text me I WILL answer and not be dry or lame about it.
I just won't be the one to start any conversations.
Moving on:
The story is super complicated but I'll try to keep it coherent.
Three people in the story (fake names):
Me (20)
Alex (16) - friend
Luck (16) - younger sibling
We are all the same gender.
Something to keep in mind about me:
I have always been very sheltered, naive and distracted, people have told me so and the more I learn the more I realize how ignorant I am. So I have very little experience, perception and knowledge of worldly things. This makes it difficult for me to keep up with people my age and I spend most of my focus on stories I like to write. It's not an excuse for anything and I'm actively working to be better.
Something that doesn't contribute much to the story but may be nice to know:
Pretty much everything happens online, I've only met Alex in person like 4 times for birthday parties and stuff.
Now the story:
I met Alex three years ago during covid when I was doing school online (I was 17 and Alex and Luck were 13).
I was introduced to Alex through my younger sibling. Luck added me to a group chat with a bunch of their classmates, and I got popular really fast. Alex took a particular liking to me, because they thought i was funny and we had many of the same hobbies. So Alex was the first of Luck's friends to start a chat with me directly.
Alex was always online and so was I, so we ended up talking alot, like all the time. I noticed Luck got kind of jealous, and that was when I began to wonder if the friendship was right, but I did nothing about it.
Eventually Alex and I started writing a story together, it's something I try to do with all of my close friends and we got really into it. A big rule that I have is that the real world and fiction are separate, under no circumstances are they to entertwine, especially emotionally (ex. I have never and will never insert myself in a story or daydream, not even if reality sucks for me at that time) Alex was different, they got attached to the characters. So there I am, obsessed with progressing the story's plot, and I kill off one of my characters. Alex expresses discontent, but not much. It's through Luck that I find out later that Alex had been crying about it for days. I felt bad and brought the character back, and life went on.
A year and a half into our friendship and Luck seems to have gotten over her jealousy, while Alex and I spend more time writing and focusing on the story than anything else. There are some signs in the rare times that Alex and I talk about life that it become apparent that Alex is going through a rough time, but I don't think too much about it since the story is all that's on my mind. On top of this there's school and whatever.
One day Alex starts asking for breaks from story writing and plotting, and I agree without a fuss. It gets me thinking a bit more, and after a couple more days during a conversation about the real world Alex sends a long paragraph about how horrible things are. (I won't explain what exactly these horrible things were for privacy reasons) Now I realize how inconsiderate I've been so far and I tell Alex that I'm there to support them in whatever they need. I spend pretty much all of the next year texting them every hour of every day and this is what happens:
At the beginning of our friendship our conversations flowed wonderfully, we shared our achievements and showed genuine interest in each other's lives. But things changed and by this point In the story our conversations go like so:
Me: (asks a question)
Alex: (responds)
Me: (reacts to response)
Alex: (dry response)
-Repeat infinitely-
Aside from that we would always say goodnight and Goodmorning to each other.
One time. Only one. Alex texted me asking for help and I didn't see the message until hours later. I never really forgave myself for that.
At this point I'm 19 and Alex is 15, and it suddenly crosses my mind how our friendship might be perceived by others. I considered Alex another younger sibling, but with all the crazy things happening in the world I wondered what others would think. In the end I concluded that Alex needed me and it didn't matter. So life goes on. My entire life revolves around helping Alex, when I'm not texting them I am worrying, my own problems come second. My whole family thinks I'm addicted to my phone. I'm always tired and stressed. The stories were put on pause.
Time passes and soon I'm turning twenty. I'm starting to think I can't do it anymore, our friendship has turned kind of codependent (I didn't even know what that was until a month ago). I consider ghosting many times, changing my number, blocking, but only for a couple minutes at a time and I always hate myself for thinking it afterwards. I keep talking to Alex, but sometimes I'll answer a bit slower. Let them wait 3-5 minutes instead of 1-2, if I really steel myself I can hold back for 7 minutes.
One day without warning Alex doesn't text me at all. They've dissapeared before but never without sending a quick message to let me know about it, not until this day. Their status also worries me, only one word: "gone". There I am internally freaking out, losing it, trying to come up with reasons for which everything is fine. I don't ask Luck if they know anything because I know they'll get annoyed. It's not until late the next day that Alex lets me know they went a roadtrip. I tell them "I was worried lol" and immediately they ask why. I wasn't expecting an apology but the question struck me as weird, so I was reluctant to answer. Alex pushes for an answer, they haven't been this interested in what I've had to say for years. I with horror I realize that they liked that i was worried, they wanted to milk it as much as they could. I understand that people need validation, but I was already constantly complementing Alex and telling them how important they were. The fact that they preferred my panic (though in Alex's defense I never told them I was panicking) hit me hard. I didn't elaborate on why I was worried. Alex got upset. And i spent the next hour sobbing over my phone, realizing i needed some distance.
I started slow. I wouldn't say goodnight somedays, others I would forgo a Goodmorning, but I always answered (I swore to myself never to leave Alex on read). I went on a trip and I decided I would enjoy it for once, so I let Alex know i couldn't text much. Nevertheless this lack of contact didn't keep me from worrying and wondering endlessly.
After the trip we kept texting less, we expressed missing each other but neither of us did too much to keep things going. I tried to focus on my in-person relationships, and friendships with people my age. I went back to stories and published a novella.
Nowadays Alex and I talk maybe once every week and a half. The conversations are excruciating. Alex tells me how things still suck, my usual words of comfort seem to mean nothing to either of us anymore. Alex leaves me on read as soon as the conversation goes dry, usually after ten minutes worth of conversation, sometimes over the span of many hours. We don't talk again until I cave in and say hello. Then a couple days later Alex says hello. And then it's up to me again, and every time I tell myself I won't do it.
Luck has told me their opinion of Alex, they saw way before I did how self-centered Alex is. The thing is Alex doesn't do it on purpose, I am entirely sure of that and so is Luck. Luck treats Alex nicely but they're out of touch, more than I am. I am not mad at Alex. I still care deeply for them, but I feel like there's nothing I can do andour old dynamic just hurts both of us. Cutting them off is not an option, they're just a kid and I'm better than that. So I just don't start a conversation.
A couple days ago Alex texted me (even though it was my unspoken turn to text first) and we talked, and the conversation wasn't dry at all, and it wasn't that painful to deal with. They showed interest in my life and shared some sad stuff but also happy stuff about theirs, and it felt like old times. We texted the entire day. At one point the they mentioned that I could text them whenever I wanted, and I felt an underlying petition that I do. The conversation went on and eventually they left me on read the next morning when I answered a message from the night before.
Ever since then I've been actively holding back from texting them but I can't help but wonder if I'm a jerk for it.
These aren't even all the factors but this post has gotten too long lol.
So AITA?
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Cruel Summer | Hyung Line
I've been working on this for quite some time because I've been busy making the requests. Even though I still have a few more to go, I wanted to post it because it's really something I'm very excited about ^^
Taglist: @thunderg @drpepperobsessed @minjianhyung @queenv1997 @yoongtism @lizzymizzy-blogg @zent9 @superbbananananana
Jin: “It’s cool, that’s what I tell ‘em/No rules, in breakable heaven/It’s a cruel summer/With you”.
You checked your phone for the third time tonight. There were no messages or missed calls. You were starting to get anxious.
"Is everything okay, Y/N?" the soft voice of Soomin interrupted the mess that was starting to form in your head. Nothing was fine, quite the opposite. Jin had ignored all your messages and calls, you knew he was busy, but you were starting to worry, what if something bad had happened to him?
"I'm sure it's because of Seokjin" Chaeyoung said, absentmindedly eating a piece of fried chicken. She didn't look perturbed at all. You envied that about her. "Y/N, you know that what you're doing won't get you anywhere, why do you keep going?"
"It has nothing to do with that, and just so you know, we're getting along just fine" you replied quietly, taking your fruit smoothie and drinking it. "We don't need a name for our relationship, and we don't have to dedicate time to each other 24/7 either, it's like having a boyfriend, but with a lot less work", yeah, well, you didn't believe what you just said either, but neither of them need to know that.
"I thought you liked the idea of having a boyfriend" Sooah, who was at the other corner of the table, looked up from her book and studied you with that scary look she gave every time the gears in her head started turning. She seriously scared you when she made that face, "or are you just saying that to try to fool yourself just because you got used to his company and don't want to lose him anymore?".
It scared you how accurate her prediction was.
"Sooah, calm down" Yoori, one of your closest friends, rested her hand on your shoulder and gently rubbed it. A sympathetic smile appeared on her face and as soon as you saw her, you started to feel ashamed of yourself. Shit, did you look that bad for Yoori to see you that way? "Human relationships are complicated, don't be anxious about going through problems like that, it happens to everyone sometime."
"If you're so worried about him not answering, why don't you pay him a visit? Maybe he'll be glad to see you, after all he's the one who always comes looking for you."
The idea of going to his house on your own made you too nervous, especially since he had made it quite clear that he didn't like people showing up out of the blue there. He had mentioned something about how he was afraid the place would leak and some obsessed person would break into his house. That was one of the reasons he always went to your house, no one followed you to your front door.
"What if he gets upset?" you muttered with a slight frown.
"Tell him the reason you wanted to look for him" Soomin directed a smile so bright you almost smiled back, "If everything you've told us about him is true, he'll probably be very excited to see you."
You smiled helplessly. Jin was so much more than someone to hang out with and just have sex with. He was sweet, he loved to cook for you, to massage your back when you were too tense, or to kiss your face every time you saw him for a long time. He was the man of your dreams, everything you ever wanted in your life, so why did you have this feeling in your chest that there was something you still didn't see? Nothing could be completely perfect, you repeated to yourself every time you saw him, he couldn't be the exception.
"I'll walk you" Sooah stood up from her seat, taking her car keys and staring at you. Her blue eyes were such a contrast to the somber look she had.
"Thanks" you mumbled, taking your purse and dropping some money to pay your share.
The trip was too quiet. You loved Sooah, and you knew she loved you too. You've known her for as long as you can remember, so you understood that she wasn't cold, just distrustful. At some point in your friendship you ended up deciphering the kind of silences she gave. This one definitely gave you a bad feeling.
"You shouldn't write to him so much" she said in a raspy voice. It took you a while to figure out what she meant, "If he doesn't respond to the first message, indeed, if he deliberately ignores your call, why even make an effort to get him...whatever they have, to move on?"
"Why do you say he ignored my call?" You felt a tightness in your chest as you noticed how Sooah's hands squeezed the handlebars of the car until her knuckles went pale. She knew something.
"Why don't you better find out for yourself?" she replied after a few minutes of silence. She parked the car in front of the house and turned to look at you.
"You know something, don't you?" your lips tightened tightly as you noticed that no words were going to come out of her. You were afraid of her answer, obviously, but you didn't want to be left wondering.
A sob, too loud and high-pitched to belong to a man, pulled you out of the staring war you began to have with Sooah. You both turned to see where the noise was coming from. You immediately wished you hadn't.
You could feel Sooah's gaze on the back of your head, but she didn't say a word. You only had eyes for Jin right now, to be more specific, you only had eyes for Jin and the girl who was clinging to him as if her life depended on it.
You wanted an explanation. Now.
"I saw her out with him this morning" you heard from the driver's side, "At first I thought she was a friend, but Namjoon told me she was Jin's ex-girlfriend. From what he told me, they've known each other since high school."
You understood her point. His ex-girlfriend from a few years ago shows up in a place as private as this, right in the middle of Jin's vacation, wearing a dress too fancy to be on the beach, and crying her eyes out on Jin's chest. The same chest you fell asleep on all night.
"I trust Jin" you whispered, not sure if you were saying it to Sooah or to yourself. Yes, you two weren't an official couple, but you had sworn exclusivity to each other until whatever it was you had was over. He promised you, face to face, it was the first time you saw him so serious.
You could hear Sooah's sigh. She didn't trust his word as much as you did.
You started nibbling on your lip with each passing second. The girl didn't seem to want to pull away, but Jin didn't seem to want to push her away either.
"Y/N" Sooah gently took your elbow. You didn't look away from the couple in front of you. "I'm just trying to show you what kept him busy enough to ignore you..."
"I don't know if he did it on purpose," you said, raising your voice and turning to look at her. You felt terrible to see Sooah's hurt look at your shout. You had never raised your voice to her before. "She's just a friend and..."
You frowned as you saw Sooah's eyes widen in surprise. She was looking behind you. It was only at that moment that you realized that irritating sobs were no longer audible.
You turned around fast enough that your neck hurt like hell itself. And then you saw it. The idiot was kissing her. He was grabbing her waist just like he did with you when he greeted you or said goodbye.
"I..."
"Start the car, please" you mumbled, looking away from Jin and fixing your eyes on the street, it looked much more interesting now.
"Yes" she moved the key and the engine started to sound. You thought you heard Jin's voice behind you, but you preferred to think it was just your imagination.
A strong urge to get home and brush your teeth and body flooded you. You felt dirty, stupid and very, very upset. You took a long sigh, trying to get your rational side over the urge you had to hit him.
It wasn't until Sooah held out some tissues she pulled out of her trunk that you realized tears were streaming down your face.
"I'm fine" you whispered, wiping your face and keeping your expression as neutral as possible.
"I know" Sooah replied, taking your hand on the dashboard, "I just wanted to make sure you noticed too."
Yoongi: “"I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? He looks up grinning like a devil”.
"Need help with that?" said Yoongi mockingly, pointing at your fumbling hands trying to fix the shorts you were wearing that night. It was hard to do in such a confined space.
"No thanks, I've got it under control" you grunted, pulling your feet up onto the trunk so you could give yourself a boost and pull your clothes up until they were around your waist. "And I'm sure you're much better at taking them off than putting them on."
You tried to ignore his annoyed chuckle, looking at yourself in the rearview mirror and fixing your hair just enough so it didn't look like you'd just had the best night of sex of your life.
"Do you need me to drop you off in your room?" Yoongi rested his palm on your thigh, caressing the soft skin with his fingertips. You had a hard time holding back the urge to laugh at the tickle he was giving you.
"I'd love to let you come into my room and do whatever shit couples of friends with benefits would do, but unfortunately I have a tick named Jiah tonight, and I definitely don't want her to see or hear me having sex with you, so, thanks, but no" you removed his hand from your thigh and moved closer to him, kissing him deeply.
His hand stopped at your waist and caressed the exposed skin, sending shivers up and down your spine. It felt so good to be touched by Min Yoongi. You would never admit it in front of him.
"Go back carefully" you said between kisses and giggles. You wanted to go inside soon, before your lustful side won out over your rational side and you decided to leave your friend alone and sneak into Yoongi's house. You hated how he knew you well enough to know that if he kept kissing you like that you would end up giving in.
"There, that's enough, I have to go" you whispered, grabbing Yoongi's cheeks and pulling him away just enough so that your lips didn't brush against each other.
"Fine" he growled through his teeth, letting go of your waist and allowing you to open the door.
You gave him a kiss on the cheek before quickly stepping down and entering your colorful two-story house. You smiled as you noticed that Yoongi wasn't going to leave until you were inside the house. It took you a while trying to find your keys, decorated with too many cat key chains and desserts. When you opened the door, you turned around and blew him a kiss with laughter. You could see through the window as Yoongi's rubbery smile. God, you still didn't understand how that gorgeous man had agreed to go out with you.
You walked into the house, leaning your back against the door and sighing heavily. You were sure you had a stupid smile on your face, you hoped he hadn't seen it before you walked in.
"I see you did a lot better than me," you looked towards the kitchen, smiling as you saw Jiah walking towards you with a cup of coffee. You loved that mug, it had lots of baby kittens frolicking on top of some flower pots; between cursive letters it said 'for the best friend in the world'.
"You think?" you grabbed the mug she was offering you and took a small sip. It tasted very sweet, just the way you liked it. You couldn't help but groan in satisfaction. "Why don't you tell me about it after I take a shower? I feel too dirty, did you know riding a horse could leave you sweating so much?". You mentally crossed your fingers that I wouldn't dig into that any further.
"Don't worry, go" Jiah sent you a soft smile. Too bad it didn't reach her eyes. You wanted to kill whoever it was that had left her so down. "I'm tired anyway."
Before you could answer her, she went to the kitchen and turned on the water, starting to wash the dishes. You preferred to leave her alone, she seemed to want some time alone.
You went upstairs to your room, rummaging through your pillows for your pajamas. As you were trying to get a towel out of the bathroom cabinet, the notification sound of your cell phone alerted you, causing three towels to fall on you. You walked awkwardly to your phone, unlocking the screen and pursing your lips to keep from smiling like a maniac.
You ran to your window, opening it as quietly as you could. You covered your mouth so the laughter that wanted to escape wouldn't come out and give you away. Your laughter is very loud.
Yoongi raised his hand and pointed his finger at his own phone. You frowned, cocking your head to the side and trying to figure out what he meant. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, your phone rang again. You saw the screen, still with Yoongi's chat on it.
The message was short and to the point ‘Tomorrow at 3 PM, reservation at Piccolino, don't be late’.
You almost dropped your cell phone as you read the message. Tomorrow was your birthday, and that restaurant was your favorite place. You didn't even remember mentioning any of those things to him.
You turned to look at him, your mouth was wide open, you had no idea what to say or do, so you opted for the first thing that popped into your head. You raised your arms above your head, forming a circle.
You felt your cheeks blush at the sight of Yoongi's smug smile.
You lowered your arms, watching as he looked down at his phone and moved his fingers rapidly over the keypad. Seconds later, your phone rang again.
‘Rest.’
You stared at the screen, specifically the three little dots that indicated he was still typing.
You stifled a squeak as you read the last message. You turned to look at him, catching his slightly pink cheeks and his awkward movement as he put the phone back in his pocket. He gave you one last smile, this one a little more shy, and shook his head goodbye.
It took you a while to react, but by the time you did, Yoongi was no longer in your backyard.
You grabbed your phone and logged into Yoongi's chat, rereading his last message.
With a beaming smile, you began typing your reply.
‘I love you too.’
And you sent it.
Hoseok: “I'm drunk in the back of the car/And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar”.
You took a big breath of air, dropping your head against the back of the cab chair you had just taken. Your stomach seemed to be on fire and every breath you took made you feel immensely nauseous. You knew it was a bad idea to drink a vulgar amount of alcohol and, worse, to mix drinks, but what else could you do? You didn't feel able to talk about this with anyone. Your friends were in a rather similar situation, how could you ask them for advice? And you'd better not even think about telling your mother, she'd kill you if she found out that you had a purely sexual relationship with Hoseok. Now that you thought about it, it didn't seem like such a bad idea.
A soft vibration in your bag caught your attention. You opened your bag slowly, not because you didn't want to check your cell phone, but because you couldn't move properly due to the ridiculous amount of alcohol in your system.
After several embarrassing attempts you managed to take out your cell phone, and the first thing that greeted you was a huge line of messages from Hoseok, most of them asking where you were, if you were well, asking if you had a problem or something like that. You pursed your lips, licking them with the tip of your tongue.
You hated Hoseok. You hated that he was so sweet, that he was always worried about you, that he knew how you like to eat your meals, that he always lay on the left side of the bed because he knows you love to sleep on the right side, that he's always ready to run to you if you feel bad. You hated that he was so damn perfect, because that certainly didn't help the turmoil it generated in your feelings for him.
Before you knew it, a drop of salty water fell onto the lit screen of your cell phone, rolling slowly along all the messages that were reflected. You closed your eyes tightly and leaned your forehead against the edge of the pink glitter case you were holding, letting out all the tears you had been holding back since the beginning of the night.
You hated that you had noticed that you had feelings for him, and you hated yourself even more for not being able to face him and tell him how you felt, for having to resort to something as low as getting drunk to the point of no longer being able to take courage and tell him the truth.
Take On Me by A-ha forced you to break away from your cell phone and look at the screen. By this point you didn't even feel surprised that he was the one calling you. He always did, to say goodnight, to wish you a good day, to remind you to eat all your meals, god, you weren't even sure if that was normal in a solely sexual relationship.
With your hands shaking slightly you hit the answer, bringing the phone to your ear, "Yes?" you practically whispered, burying your nails in the skin of your hands.
"Y/N?" you heard a long sigh from the other line, followed by a nervous sounding laugh, "I was so worried, I thought something had happened to you, you never leave messages on hold."
"I'm sorry" you wiped away your tears, ducking your head unconsciously. Hearing his voice calms you down a bit at first, but almost instantly you were upset again at the fact that he was calming you down. This wasn't supposed to happen.
"Don't apologize, I guess I overreacted a bit" he laughed softly again, and you were sure he was most likely scratching the back of his head. "Hey...I was thinking about, you know, this weekend."
You bit your bottom lip, closing your eyes until you saw white spots. You didn't want to talk about this.
"I know we were supposed to get together at my place, but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it, apparently my plumbing has a problem and I think it'll take them a while to fix it, but we could get together at your place!"
"No" you whispered, pressing your free arm against your stomach, the one that had decided to give you a painful pang just at this moment. "I don't want us to see each other again."
You were both silent for a few seconds, waiting to see the other's response. You honestly expected him to stop you, you waited for him to tell you not to leave, to insist on seeing you again. You wanted, no, you needed to hear those three words come out of his mouth, even if it was over the phone.
But Hoseok wasn't like that. He might be the sweetest guy in the world, but he would never say that thing you wanted to hear so badly. He would never fight for you or whatever it was you had. He wasn't brave.
"It's okay," he muttered. You listened as he took a long breath, only to then let it go in an equally long sigh, "Take care of yourself."
"I will."
And you cut.
You lifted your head, wiped away your tears and looked out the window, gazing out at the beautiful beach you thought you'd be on your entire vacation.
Namjoon: “It's new, the shape of your body/It's blue, the feeling I've got”.
"Why do you always leave so quickly?" you muttered, settling down on Namjoon's bed and directing your gaze to his nearly naked body.
"What do you mean?" he pulled his shirt over his head, ruffling his hair with his hand and picking up what appeared to be a rather worn notebook and a pencil with bites on the end.
"Whenever we're done you leave" you took his pillow between your arms, resting your chin on it, "Are you afraid of me or something?".
Namjoon chuckled softly, looking up at you from his post next to the desk, "Why would you scare me away?"
"I don't know, maybe it's because I'm so serious" you kept your gaze fixed on him, his expressions, his body language, absolutely everything. You wanted to understand why he seemed to be so cold and warm with you at the same time, "or maybe you are intimidated by people who look you so much in the eyes, there are many reasons, I could give you quite a long list if you wanted".
"It'll be useless, you'll never find a reason why I'd freak out on you" he broke away from his desk, moving closer to the bed and sitting down next to you. You couldn't help but close your eyes as you felt his hand fall on your head.
"Why?" you whispered, taking his wrist and stroking it gently.
"Because the last thing I feel for you is fear," he said as he tangled his fingers in your hair. Rarely did you have it as messy as you did now, rarely did you look as calm as you did now. Namjoon had to endure the constant tingling he felt in his fingers.
"Then why did you seem to be running away from me? It makes me feel... strange" you sighed heavily, shifting your position. The ceiling seemed much more interesting right now.
"I'm sorry it looked like that" Namjoon bent down slightly, leaving a soft but lingering kiss on your forehead, "but I promise it's not what it looks like."
"Then what is it?"
"Do you think you could give me about... three days to answer you? Just three."
You turned to look at Namjoon, frowning slightly. You didn't quite understand why he needed so much time, but you also didn't feel like you could deny him that when he saw you with that beautiful, mesmerizing look he had.
"Okay" you nodded slowly, feeling a tightness in your chest as you watched him get up and head back towards the exit of the room.
"I promise I won't let you down, babe," he said with a big smile before leaving.
And, again, you were beginning to feel a deep emptiness in your chest and a sense of loneliness that gave you a sort of claustrophobic feeling.
Just three more days, you told yourself, just that.
Masterlist
#bts fanfic#fanfic#bts imagine#bts x fem!reader#bts x you#bts x y/n#bts x reader#bts x oc#jin x reader#jin x y/n#jin x you#jin x oc#min yoongi x you#yoongi x reader#yoongi x you#yoongi x oc#yoongi x y/n#hoseok x you#hoseok x y/n#hoseok x reader#hoseok x oc#namjoon x you#namjoon x reader#namjoon x oc#namjoon x y/n#seokjin x oc#seokjin x reader#seokjin x you#seokjin x y/n#suga x reader
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not sure if anyone has recomended monster x mediator yet but its such a fun game despite being quite short. the game is supposed to have mutiple routes eventually (which I'm not sure are supposed to be yanderes) but the one it has rn is complete and definitly fits the yandere vibes. If u like things that mix horror with humor and have a funnily pathetic but still terrifing yandere this one is a trip. Also the fact that the guy is a monster that looks like a madness combat character adds to the charm of it in my opinion lol
I'll be honest, I was a little skeptical about this game, but I saw how pathetic he is and now I'm very much on board. This game is supposed to have four different routes, but currently only has one for now. The comedy and horror is well balanced in the game itself. If you want to try out the demo, you can play it here.
The story starts out with the MC taking on a job for a large sum of money. They are currently in debt and need money quick. After receiving the first half of the money, they are directed to go to some abandoned building to get the other half. After receiving it, they are then told their task to go inside of the building. If the MC tries to run away, they will be shot on the spot. If they accept, they will be faced with a couple of doors. Their boss will then tell them that there are monsters that behind each door, and that the MC's job is to get all of them out of the room without dying.
Going into the red door, the MC is pretty much immediately knocked out before waking up and finding a large monster hovering over them and thousands of things pasted up in the walls. You can successfully get him out of the room in three different ways but can also be killed a couple of other ways as well. The first thing he does is declare himself as the MC's biggest fan, getting so excited that he grips his axe menacingly. If the MC gets him too excited, they will end up killing the MC. The monster (later revealed as 404), talks about how much he loves the MC's fanfiction blog and how he was really sad and depressed when the MC blocked him and even sadder when they stopped writing all together. 404 also reveals that he is such a big fan that he also knows all of the MC's passwords and even their bank account, with all of the fanfiction that they written pasted on the wall. 404 then asks if they want to see where he kills everyone and if they can write a fanfic for him.
If the MC is curious about where all the dead bodies are, 404 will bring them into another room to show them. We learn a lot about 404: he doesn't know what kind of monster he is, doesn't really need to eat, loves to kill with his axe and seems to have regenerative abilities considering he was shot in the head and was completely fine the next day. The MC can have two ways to get him out of the room, both of which are hilarious. The first way is to literally beg 404 to leave by pleading desperately (do you know that let me rizz you up meme? That's what you do) until 404 gets tired and does it for his super star. The other way is to seduce (?) 404 by telling him that it would be sexy of him to leave the room, which works well. We also learn about the facility itself, that 404 has been living there since as far as he remembers, that he loves killing the various people that come in, doesn't like the MC's boss (finds them annoying through the walkie talkie) and pretty much only kills and reading the MC's blog.
If the MC decides to oblige 404 with his obsession, they will start to write on a typewriter as 404 stands behind them excitedly. He keeps on asking the MC to add more and more things, making it 100 pages instead of 10, making the story a romance, making it a romance between him and the MC (noting that "the name Nick is the same as his username", which is a huge stretch).
If the MC refuses to write 100 pages, 404 will end up getting extremely angry and hold the MC by the throat, calling them and humans "bitches". He will start to kill the MC, crying and feeling despair as he kills the MC by choking them to death.
If the MC does oblige, they will write the most god awful fanfiction (their words) and end up pretty much just holding the a key until it fills all 100 pages. 404 ends up crying out of happiness at such a beautiful gift and leaves the room, just as the MC wanted.
First of all, I think that the game does a good job of balancing the horror elements with the comedy. I did not expect to like 404 this much and definitely did not expect his personality to be like this. I did feel it was interesting that 404 believes that the MC's writing would "fix him" and even laments that even though he knows it wouldn't, he still wanted to try when he was killing the MC in a choke hold. He basically is a very feral online fan who meets their super idol (which gives me a bit of incel vibes), but not enough to be extremely obvious, much more than other yanderes, with him saying like he's a gentleman, or that he isn't angry at all despite the fact that he got blocked. I also love the various ways that you can get him out of the room, and just how obsessed he is with the MC. He seems to mostly be an obsessive yandere, with him pasting the fanfic of the MC's work all over his walls, delusionally believing that he is the same character that the MC writes, confessing his feelings to the MC while they're writing, not killing the MC (since apparently he's killed every other person that came in) and wanting the MC's writings to fix him. He is also a pretty pathetic type of yandere, hoping desperately that the MC (and their writings) would fix them, crying when he does kill the MC and generally seeing himself in their writing, but also rather dangerous just due to his violent nature. It's fun to see dangerous but pathetic yanderes since I feel like that's something that I haven't seen to much.
I am curious about how the other monsters will be like. It seems that as of writing this, the Knight Monster is currently delayed, so I guess we'll see if he ends up being a yandere too. I would recommend this game just on it's humor and interesting kind of intrigue about why these monsters are in the buildings themselves. He does look like a madness combat characters, you're right.
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