the thing that fucks me up about Arthur Bennett isn’t that he would never have chosen different, but that he really could have. that he almost does. but he doesn’t. and the cycle continues

wasn't sure if you wanted it where reader is in a relationship with each boy, or if there's just a crush, so I did both cuz why not

Fem!Reader Casually Mentions she Masturbates in Front of the Boys

Kyle (if dating)

Bless this boy

He was picking you up with the plan to take you out to eat

You were running just a liiiittle late

But Kyle is on a schedule

No tardiness allowed

So you knew what to expect when you hopped into the gingers car

His expression a mix between annoyance and amusement

Melted into something sweeter as you kissed him on the cheek

He couldn't even scold you for being twenty minutes late

You clicked your seat belt in place as you should always do as he started the ignition

"So what took so long? Make-up? Getting dressed?" he oh so innocently asked

"Nah, I was masturbating" you jokingly responded

oh

oh dear god

Kyle's mind went blank and his brain shut down

You looked over at him when you realized the car wasn't moving

He sat upright, hands clenching the steering wheel, with his mouth slightly ajar

He was blushing

He was drooling

"...Kyyyyyle..."

"Ah...y-yeah?"

He seemed to snap out of it for a sec, turning to look at you while wiping his mouth

You smirked at him

"Whatcha thinking bout?" You asked with a devilish smile

Kyle turned away quickly, face becoming hotter

"I think...you know"

"Oh?" You smiled, unbuckling your seat belt "I do?"

He sunk down in his seat, hands still on the wheel of the motionless vehicle

"Mmhmm..." he bit his bottom lip as he glanced over at you

His entire face turned two shades of red as you moved from your seat to his

Prying his hands off the wheel and moving the seat back, you sat on your boyfriend's lap, staring into his glossy eyes

"I think you should tell me Kyle" you whispered, leaning close to his face. "What were you thinking when I told you I was masturbating?"

His hands were fidgeting at this point, trying to keep away from your thighs

"What would you think..." you continued, licking your lips mid sentence "if I told you I was thinking about you while I touched myself?"

That finally made him come undone

The two of you spent a long time in his car

Missing your dinner reservations entirely

(if not dating)

Flustering Kyle was so much fun to do

Also incredibly easy

You decided it'd be funny to make him turn as red as his hair while in class one day

"Hey Kyle! I know what I want you to get me for my birthday!"

"...your birthday isn't for another-"

You shut him up by thrusting your laptop in his face, showing him the site and item you were requesting

It was a dildo.

A large, black, twelve inch, pulsating, self lubricating dildo

It was on sale

He immediately started sputtering and looking away from the screen

"Wh-what the hell do you need that for?!" He squeaked

You tilted your head to the side in mock confusion

"To masturbate with...duh."

He immediately covered his face, trying to shake the dirty thoughts of one of his best friends away

You tried not to laugh as he almost groaned out your name

"Pleeeease stoooop" he pleaded, face peaking out just enough to see him blushing intensely

"..."

"...so no dildo?"

Stan (dating)

You were hanging out with your close friends one surprisingly warm day

You had convinced everyone to get some bubble tea

So now everyone was hanging around the local cafe, talking about literally nothing

Jokes, stories, and insults flew by so quickly, there was never a lull in the conversation

Stan had his arm around your waist

His grip tightening anytime you spoke and had all the boys look at you

Somehow someway, the conversation went on a huge tangent and y'all were talking about porn stars

Everyone was naming the hottest actors in multiple categories

You piped in with one you personally liked

The boys went quiet as you took a sip of your drink

"Uh...what?"

You looked at the boys curiously

Kenny had a weird smile on his face

Kyle was blushing

Cartman looked like his brain was malfunctioning

Your boyfriend started at you wildly

"You...you watch porn?" Stan asked hesitantly

"What the hell for?!" Cartman squeaked

"Sex education" you said deadpanned. "I watch when I masturbate! Duh" you rolled your eyes

"Oh ho hoo, you're a dirty little girl, aren't you?" Kenny smirked, earning a deadly glare from Stan

You just shrugged your shoulders

"Y-you can't just say stuff like that out loud!" Kyle sputtered

"How the fuck do you even do it without a dick?" Cartman argued

sigh

"Well you see, I usually start with just two fingers and-"

"Alright! That's enough, we're leaving now" Stan announced, grabbing the hand you were about to use to demonstrate and speed walking away

The comments your friends made behind you only made you laugh and cause Stan to walk faster

The blush on your boyfriend's face becoming more apparent, as well as the boner

(if not dating)

"Lalala, can't hear you, nope. I'm not listening..."

Stan was covering his ears, eyes tightly shut while you continued to laugh

"Awww, c'mon Stan. What's wrong with wanting to feel good?" You joked, bumping his shoulder

The two of you were relaxing on his couch playing video games

You didn't realize casually joking about masturbating to one of characters would cause Stan to break down, yet here you were

"Staaaaaaan, c'mon, we gotta finish" you laughed, trying to look at his face

He was definitely blushing

He grumbled incoherently, picking up his controller. Refusing to look at you as the game continued

...

"...I'd masturbate to that character too."

"Please! Why?!"

Stan couldn't exactly focus on the game anymore

Kenny (dating)

ohhhh man

This boy

He is personally offended if you touch yourself without him

You're just laying with him in your room

Actually, you're laying on the floor, while he searches for your "secret drawer" full of "secret toys"

You can't help but shake your head and joke with him

"I bet you have a purple dragon dildo" he snickered "and at least, like, three vibrators"

You laughed, nodding your head

"Oh wow, yup, you got me. I have a very large collection"

Hearing the sarcasm in your voice, Kenny looked over at you with a smirk

"Heh. Knew it"

He went back to his fake search, continuing to mess with you while you went along with it

"I can't believe I haven't even found a bottle of lube yet" he sighed, faking disappointment

"Yeahhh..." you mumbled, picking at your nails. "I used a lot of toys last night, you might wanna check under the bed"

When you didn't hear any response or movement from the boy, you looked up, angling your neck to look at him

His sad, upside-down figure looked back at you

Puppy eyes, lip out and quivering, he looked like a child that was just told they couldn't have any sweets

"...you masturbated...without me?" His voice raised an octave and he added a few fake sniffles "I thought you loved me..."

You held back a chuckle before turning to lay on your stomach

"I'm sorry baby, I was needy"

"I'm needy!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air

"Awww, you poor thing..." you shook your head. "I'll remember that for the next time"

That made him perk up as he shuffled closer to you

"Next time? When is this illusive next time?" He asked, smile growing wider

You paused to think for a second, sitting up

"...you got condoms on you?"

"Duh"

Turns out that "next time" was a lot closer than either of you thought

(if not dating)

He also casually mentions masturbating

Frequently suggests you two masturbate together

Always laughs when you say it in front of the boys cause watching them freak out is the best kind of entertainment

You and him had a sort of friendly competition to see who could get the other flustered

You won when you described how you thought of him while you touched yourself the other day

was it a lie? the truth will never be revealed

Kenny.exe has stopped working

Congrats, you broke the town slut

Cartman (dating)

NOPE

This boy is too immature to even entertain the idea of you playing with yourself

He doesn't even understand female anatomy

He's never even seen you naked before

So when you oh so casually mention a certain past time of yours, his mind just goes blank

He can't even picture it

His sweet, darling, perfect girlfriend

Masturbating?

"Only dudes masturbate! What the hell are you lying for?!"

Bless your patience

You gotta explain

He doesn't even know where the g-spot is

He didn't even know what the clit was

bully him

next time he’s with the gang

he just obnoxiously goes, “hey fuckers, did you know my girlfriend masturbates??? isn’t that weird?” 

congratulations, guess what your friends are gonna be thinking about for the next forever three days 

(If not dating)

?

??

???

he’s

he’s just

why are you telling him this, why is he listening, why is he thinking

he still thinks girls have balls, like

why 

is personally offended each time you allude to it

NPCs about Seeds

Full script of Far Cry 5 (except cutscenes)

* What were those Seed brothers like? Can't imagine there's anything like a healthy sibling rivalry going on there. * John's the baby of the Seed family. His brothers turn a blind eye to his more sadistic indulgences. * Joseph and John show why it's hard to have a family business. Money and blood mix weird. Even when you're not tryin' to be a messiah.   * When you escaped the bunker... John didn't say it... but you could see it in his face. Failure. Things got worse from there... Like he was trying to make up for something. Prove to his brother he could... * Kim and I used to throw these weekend BBs. Open invite. All you had to do was bring something. If you can believe it, the whole Seed family came once. They brang watery mac and cheese. I shoulda knew they were monsters when they did that. * John's on edge 'cause his brother-Father is getting' cranky. What a fucked up sibling relationship those two got. * Maybe John will go crying to his "father". I wanna see Joseph give John a spanking. * Joseph's pissed the hell off. I hear John's sweating like a piggy. * Word's out - Joseph's had it with John. That little punk is backed into a corner now. * Good thing for us John and Jacob haven't sorted out their brotherly nonsense. I mean if we're lucky, they'll just take each other down. If not, well, I'm going to keep some grenades around with John's name on 'em, eh? It's comin' to a head man.     * Says somethin' that Joseph didn't save his brother. Family really doesn't mean shit to these people. * Wonder what Daddy Seed is feelin' right now. Oh. Shit. What if he WANTED John dead? Fuck man, I can't think about the big game. We did it here. We kicked ass. That's gotta matter. Okay that’s what I'm telling myself.  Yeah, that’s it. * I'm just sayin': If I was Joseph and I had the ability to see into future occurrences, I woulda warned my boy John that he was gon' get murdered... and made some good bets. * I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Joseph tries to spin John's death to his own advantage. * John Seed never had the Father's full confidence, what I heard. But the Joseph loves little sister Faith, and gave her everything her twisted heart desired. * Jacob always tried to look out for his little brother. Imagine what he's gonna do when he finds out you killed him.

* John was always the runt of the Seed family. I'm not surprised that you were able to get him. But I gotta warn you, Jacob's a whole lot meaner than his little brother. * Joseph adopted Faith into their family. She's going to be madder'n a wet hen that you killed her brother John. * John liked to throw his weight around, tryin' to prove how strong he was. Jacob knows he's strong. His actions are more controlled, and he's a lot scarier for it. John was always super emotional, but Jacob's buttons won't be so easy to push. * All this could have been avoided if only a mid-level cable channel gave the Seed family the reality show they deserved. * You know, if any of these Seeds ran for office, they'd win in a landslide. Mind control charisma just oozes off of them. * Come to think of it, the Seeds work just like a political office. You got Joseph, the mayor, and John, Jacob and Faith as his city councilors. It's no wonder they forced me and my people out of office - they already knew how to play the game! * Each of the Seeds has their own bunker. They call them “Gates”. * Know how I sniffed out Eden's Gate's bullshit early on?  Only the Seeds were allowed to be angry, everybody else had to be calm--even though we all had our asses in that church because we were mad at the same shit too. But now everybody gets to be angry, 'cause it's a weapon pointin' where the Seeds want it. Protect the project. Transparent motherfuckers.

John

Resistance

* John's always been obsessed with the people in Fall's End. And with Mary May in particular. * Deep down, I think John wants to die. That man has scars that run deep. * John's got a particular ritual he sticks to. You get marked with a video, then you get dunked in the water. When John wants you found, he doesn't stop. Ever. * Nowadays, if you're caught huntin’, John Seed'll have ya' killed. * John's got people getting baptized all across the valley. In rivers, creeks, hell, even in puddles. * John scrawls a fucking tattoo on your chest, then flays you the fuck alive. He nails it to a wall. * If the peggies wanted a heap of food, why didn't they drive a ways to the wholesale club and take that over? Everythin' would be canned and ready for them instead of still in the ground. You can tell John Seed never had to raise a kid.   * The cult takes people and then sorts out where they go. Whoever John doesn't keep, he sends to Jacob. Or Faith. * John really puts the dick in dictator. The fucker just loves calling and leaving answering machine messages, too. * John's always wearing a key around his neck. He calls it the key to paradise. I don't wanna know what it unlocks. * I'm pretty sure the family that used to own this farm is long gone. John Seed made an offer. They refused. That's that. * This fertilizer company was bought by John Seed a long time ago. They ran it as a legit business. * This one guy, Les Doverspike. House is northwest. He thought he could prepare for everything... Din't count on... JOHN SEED'S LAWYERING SUPER POWERS! In the blink of an eye, Eden's Gate owned Les' land, bunker, arm, leg, dingleberries, ....EVERYTHING! * I've heard some pretty brutal stories about what happens when John wants you to confess. * The peggies had to have planned all this way ahead of time - they're harvestin' at record speed. I guess they had little meetings... John probably hunkered over his map gettin' a hard-on for the sound of his own voice. Hm... now there's a thought... * The thing that always bugs me about John Seed is, who goes to a lawyer that’s tatted up more than a gangbanger? * You're attractin' a lot of attention, especially from John Seed. John's paying special attention to you. * John wants you real bad. Have you considered maybe he's in some kinda love with you? He oughta killed you like two or three times already but he's playin' cat and mouse. Just sayin', if you find yourself alone with him maybe a good long somethin-or-other could save our necks. * Man, that John, he sure does have a hard on for you. So I'm thinking, you guys should probably just fuck and uh get it over with. * I bet you John gives the best spankin's. Sorry I know that's messed up. What can I say, he brings it outta me. I'm just sayin' maybe we don't kill John is all. Seems a waste of a perfectly good set of buns. * Before you, John never lost his cool. You're driving John literally crazy. * I drank with Joey Hudson back in the day. She doesn't take shit from anyone. John's gonna eat her alive. * I know how these things go, man. Deputy, you better keep skeleton keys and wire cutters and a swiss army knife and anythin' that'll get you outta a hogtie on you at all times, because John is gonna truss you up like a dinner turkey real soon. * Always thought there was somethin' kinda twisted about John. * John the Baptist is an amoral predator, end of story. * John Seed's not gettin' what he wants, so he's pitchin' a fit. * Keep an ear out for John's fucken' plane. He loves buzzin' around in that hunk of shit. * I've known men like John Seed before. Real charismatic. They'll sell ya poison and convince ya it's a health tonic. He'd fit in real nice in Washington... * I had one conversation with John Seed and I knew! I knew... He masks his words as guidance, but deep down there is a selfishness that could only come from pure evil. * John Seed's a piece of shit. When news spread that I was expecting, that scumbag spread rumors that HE was the biological father of my baby. I don't know if he was trying to create a wedge between me and Nick or if he was just doing it to laugh at us. * I hear John Seed was a lawyer or something. Used the rules to buy up stuff in the Holland Valley. The cult must have been running damage control already, because think of what a story that'd make. Unless we're already all tapped out of giving a fuck about the shitty economy and its parasites. Huh. Yeah. He's same old, actually. Same fucking old. * I remember the first time John Seed set foot in this bar. I'm wiping down counters and Ma's countin' the till when I hear her bark, 'What the fuck do you want?' I look up and he's standin' in the doorway. Eyein' me like I'm a meal. Some people 'round here said give the Seed's a chance. I knew they were bad news from the start. * Eden's Gate took this town right from under us. They started buying up all the land, forcing business to shut down and foreclosing on homes.... My parents and me fought back, but John wanted this bar. Told 'em he'd have to pry it from our cold dead hands. So, the cult paid off the county and made it illegal to transport alcohol. We fought back with lawyers, but those leeches bled us dry, too. * Whenever there's a neighbor in need, everybody around here pitches in. A couple days after we told some people I was pregnant, we got all this secondhand baby shit from everybody. John Seed stole all of it the next day. * Heard Pastor Jerome had you saving people from being kidnapped. John Seed did that to me. The fucker made me think he was going to torture me, too. Had me wait in a room for half a day thinking he was going to do it. All that fucker did was give me one of those ink jobs. It was messed up. * John Seed is just a man. He seeks glory and riches. He immersed himself in a sea of self-aggrandizement. He pounds pulpits. He professes principals he neither believes nor practices. He stokes fear. But he is just a man. * Before you came along, John Seed kidnapped me. He has his way of getting a person to say things. It's not about my words. It's about what's in his head. When he was done, I was beaten, toed in the woods, and left to die. * A long time ago, in peaceful times, I asked John Seed what was driving him. He gave me so many answers. All of them lies. * John Seed is a cruel soul who can't be reasoned with. He enjoys making people suffer. * John and the Peggies are taking everything and everyone that ain't nailed down. Even then they just come with crowbars. * After you're marked for baptism and dunked in the fucking river, John drags you to his bunker. God save us from whatever he does in there. * There must be a reason John almost drowns people in the baptisms. It's a power play but there's more to it. * If John really wanted to, he could wipe Fall's End off the map. He's toying with the people there, like a sadistic cat. * John's got a singular mind. Dug up from a serial killer's grave, but still, singular. * There's something really wrong with John. I don't have a name for it but you can see it in that creepy smile of his. * When I first saw him on the cult's videos, John seemed pretty harmless. But when I met him in person, he made the hairs on my neck stand up. * John bought up all the businesses 'round here and promised us jobs but the only people who got work were cultists. * When John asks you for somethin', he's not really askin'. He'll get what he wants from you one way or another. * John wants us all to say yes, but I think he actually really likes it when they say no. Gives him an excuse to get mean. * Anyone who doesn't confess to John gets killed and put on display as a warning to others. It's inhuman. * John doesn't just mark people with a sin, but their houses too. You can see his calling cards all over the valley. * I got a package from John Seed the other day. // What was inside it? // A note that said I was favored and that if I admitted to my sin, I'd be cleansed. * What does John Seed do exactly...? // He messes with your head. Asks you questions. Makes you say shit you don't want to be saying. I... I really don't want to talk about it. * John was right, we all do have one sin that tends to run our life. In a weird way maybe he did give us a second chance. * My old house was a piece of shit. It would creak at night, so bad I thought for sure some boogie man was coming to get me every night growing up. // Heh, aw, that's cute. // Yeah. John gutted and burned it to a crisp last week. * Okay, I need to lighten the mood. This is unbearable. // Oh Lord. // John Seed is so uptight, he takes a ruler to bed to see how long he sleeps. // I'm not in the mood. // John Seed is so uptight, he fell down a coal shaft and found a diamond in his ass a week later. // Okay that's pretty good. * You seen that John guy? Most aggressive grin I ever seen on a human being. Like a chimpanzee before it bites ya. // God what a creep. // I hate to think what kinda life he's come from. // Who gives a shit? He's evil. // What makes a guy that evil though? // It doesn't matter. There are loads of people out there with troubled pasts but they manage not to run an apocalypse murder cult. * Not like John was the peak of sanity before, but he's going straight up coo-coo bananas with all you're doin'. * Sounds like Broseph's mad! Ouuuu, family probs! John's like that little brother who gets held down and farted on, and then curls into a ball and cries. * One thing about John -- the more you ruffle his feathers, the angrier he gets. He can't deal with embarrassment; being made to look bad. He'll start sending out search parties to grab people like us, so we gotta stay frosty. * John's lustin' for a dogfight with you, huh. I bet that kid jerked it to Top Gun or something and now it's the only way he can get a stiffie, is in a dogfight. If you have to kick the bucket I hope that's one of your last thoughts, its a good one. * John's playin' a strange game with you. Dunno what's worse, that sometimes he seems to want you dead, or sometimes he seems to want you alive. * John's no better than his brother's dog, and we all know what needs doin' to a mad dog. * John's huntin' you like an animal.  He catches you, you're probably gonna join his other trophies on his wall. * Hey dep, I just wanna say I'm sorry, I heard John's got a partner of yours It's gotta be scary, you know. Probably heard about how John cuts people up and knows all these pressure points and can make you feel pain beyond anything you ever imagined. Anyways don't think about that. I'm sure... I'm sure she's fine. She'll be alright. * Was John dead behind the eyes when you met him? It's not my imagination, there's no soul back there. * I heard there's no spare key for the bunker prison. Just one for John. Control freak. * John Seed, what a fuckin' self-absorbed dick, huh? You just KNOW he jerks off in the mirror, and marvels at his fuckin' facial expressions. * That's John Seed's Ranch. I heard he loved hiding in that castle of his. * John had this place built just for him. Even got a hangar for his fucken' planes. * Look at this place. John's got the worst case of younger sibling syndrome I ever seen. * John's such a neat freak, it's inhuman. * Ugh. John Seed's temple to himself. Fucker's got a tennis court. I ain't never seen anybody play. Just another way he's a hypocrite. * I know everyone's got a bunker out here, but John's is ridiculous. * John's taste in home decor is... awful. * John's been stealin' the planes from all over the Valley. He keeps the best ones at the airstrip next to his ranch. * Of all the Seeds, I think I understood John the least. Inferiority complex, maybe? But he was a lawyer, he could have gone out and, I don't know, been a Wall Street megalomaniac. I guess economic murder isn't as satisfying as direct murder. * John made tattoos look real bad man, I'm glad he's six feet under. You gotta respect the ink. He didn't even learn a proper letterin' or font techniques or nothing, man. No way I'd have even trusted him to touch up my tramp stamp. * With John gone, Jacob will have a harder time building up his army. But he's already got a strong force at the ready.

Peggies

* John Seed's a funny guy. But not 'ha-ha' funny. * Dang, John's bunker is so luxurious. There's parts of this bunker that only John can access. * Deputy Hudson is one of John's "special projects". Every time John leaves here, he's got a big smile on his face. * John's got the only key to the deeper parts of the bunker. We really oughtta make a copy of John's key. What if he loses it? * John knows the human heart. He's been through a lot. It's why I trust him. * I wonder if John's place will survive the Collapse? * I could get in trouble for saying this, but it smells funny in John's house. * Haven't seen John here in a long time. He's super busy. * I knew John loved planes, but I didn't know he also loved boats. I bet John's boat costs more than my old house. * I've never seen Brother John on a boat, but I know he likes to get wet. * You think John fishes? * We need to keep this place tidy. You know how John gets with his baptisms. * Bet we're guardin' John's unreleased films. * I hope Brother John takes me for a plane ride someday. * John keeps all of his favorite things stashed in the hangar. * John wants the word Yes plastered all over this place. Gotta attract new brothers and sisters. * Taking this scrap metal is good forward thinking. John's left nothing to chance. He's a smart man. * Bet John'll be a king after the collapse. * If you're marked, John believes you can be saved. I didn't want to admit my sin at first, but John showed me how to accept it gracefully. * Feels weird turning those people into Angels. I mean, they worked in the store here with us. They cooperated. // Sure, they cooperated. But they were still sinners. There's no going back at a certain point, you know? John said that this was the only way to save them. * I know it's John's will, but...I don't like killing dogs. * John's made catchin' that deputy our top priority. Wonder why John wants the deputy alive. * That deputy's fixin' to get taken into John's special room. * John's relentless, that deputy don't stand a chance. * John's gettin' awful mad. I pity anyone who has to deal with him face to face. * I don't know what's goin' on in John's head, but it's embarrassing. * I thought John had control of things, but lately it feels like he's got no idea what he's doin'. * John's got that look in his eye, I almost feel bad for the people of Fall's End. * John will make everyone atone, even if it kills him. * John was right, they never saw us comin'. * John's so smart. Burnin' what we can't take, so people know they need us, spirit and body. * Last I heard from John, he was real angry. Never knew he had that amount of righteous wrath in him. * Pray you never see John lose his cool. // He never does. // He has though. Some sinner a while back had words with 'im. I couldn't hear exactly, but I heard 'em say the Father's name - I never seen John go so red so fast. // What'd he do? // Well he gets in his plane and wipes the sinner's property off the goddamned map. He rains fire on'em. They're scurryin' everywhere, screamin'. Like a magnifying glass on an anthill. * The Seeds lost a good brother in John. * Maybe John wasn't part of the plan? Maybe this is still what the voice told Joseph? * John's faith wavered, but mine's never been stronger. * I'll miss John's pep talks. * John did so much for the project. He can never be replaced. * John proved his devotion in blood. How can we do any less? * John was always larger than life, it felt like he was immortal.

Joseph

Resistance

* Joseph doesn't like it when his family goes off-book. * I know this is an unpopular opinion, but what if Joseph's right about the end of the world? * That's the first place Joseph ever built. Back when they pretended to be good. Joseph used to preach here. We could have saved us some trouble if we had just set fire to it years ago. * Joseph Seed and his whole family are like the politicians who ran this country into the ground. They sell ya hope and change and all these people buy into it thinking it's gonna be different this time. It ain't. Might as well be buyin' magic beans. * These people in Eden's Gate have been led astray. Joseph Seed claims he loves everyone. Wants them to know the truth.  The truth is he preaches vengeance and sows lies. But the words of an evil man ring louder in the minds of the weak... * You know what really gets me? Cult leaders are usually always in it for the money. Just like a pyramid scheme. Joseph ain't like that. I keep tryin' to break this guy down into what he wants from people. If it ain't money, and it ain't sex, what the hell is it? * Joseph's a charismatic son of a bitch. I mean, you've heard him. The pitch. The tempo. The way the words roll off his gentle lips. His mannerisms. I mean he's been speech trained, probably more than any politician I've ever seen. That's how you know he's a government guy. * I know the people of this valley. They're good, hard workin' people. But in bad times, people get scared, start lookin' for someone to blame. Joseph Seed fed on that fear. Told folk the end of the world was coming. Lot of 'em believed him. Truth be told... way things are now? I sometimes wonder if he's right. Folks felt abandoned, grew weary, they needed our help. And we didn't listen, but Joseph Seed did. Joseph Seed wooed people. He told them EXACTLY what they wanted to hear. With those falsehoods, lies, his poison. It's driven a lot of good folks away from the righteous path. * I knew Joseph Seed was bad business when he wormed his way in here a few years back. I imagine the fucking mainstream media would paint us as two sides of the same coin, because they're either lazy or corrupt or both... But to me, it's simple: I'm willing to sacrifice everything for my family, while Joseph Seed wants to burn down the world for his. * Y'know, I had a dream last night that involved me, a bed, whips and chains, and Joseph Seed. Suffice to say there were a lot of conflicting emotions and sensations... * Did you have a vision? Faith dosed me with bliss, and I saw the Father come to me, personally, and tell me terrible things. * I have a lot of pity for Faith. Joseph is the true monster, manipulating that young woman into a weapon. * Who the heck is Faith, y'know? Joseph treats her both like his daughter and his sister. How much does she know? How influential is she? It's all twisted together. * I wonder how many other secret bunkers there are in the county? Joseph procured a whole missile silo and no one saw! * Faith came to Hope County to detox. Like tourism of hillbilly country for rehab. But Joseph took a shine to her and she was reborn. Hell, her real name ain't even Faith, but something rich, like Riley or Rachel. * Joseph believes in Faith. He's entrusted her with all manner of heinous activity out here. We need to take her out. * I can't see what kind of method to the madness Eden's Gate has goin' on. Three heralds of the Collapse? What are they even doin'? // They got a system. Faith sows, John reaps, Jacob... // Steps on your neck? // Deals in belief, I guess. // Nah, that's Joseph's job. He's the charismatic populist motherfucker. Jacob just wants to cull people. * Joseph's just a nobody from nowhere. How'd he get this many people behind him? * There was a time no western religious leader would be caught dead with a goddamned man-bun. Fuck I miss those days. Listen, I get that he's runnin' this big old cult and all but if you're gonna run a big old cult you gotta look the part! Long robe that's a weird color, like puce or something, stringy moustache, head shaved bald like a baby. Not like some kind of lovechild between a hipster and a country singer. * Joseph Seed's family is gone. He's gonna be vulnerable and running on emotion. He won't be thinkin' straight. If we're putting this to a vote, I'd say we close this chapter for good, as soon as possible.

Peggies

* The father's takin' a personal interest in those deputies now... Maybe his visions told him somethin'.   * Joseph said that deputy is special. I wonder what he meant by that. * Despite everything they've done to us, I know Joseph would still forgive them. * We have to love the sinners. It's what Joseph would want. * It's been too long since I've seen our Father's face. * Joseph is a gifted songwriter. You haven't lived until you've heard Joseph sing this live. * I heard that the Father got the idea for the Judges in a vision. * Jacob might teach us to shoot, but Joseph guides our aim. * President Seed has a nice ring to it. Wonder if Joseph has political aspirations? * I see why Joseph liked this county. Plenty of silos for what we need to store. * Everyone knows Joseph will not tolerate idle hands.   * The Father keeps all the best stuff for his Chosen. Leaves us the scraps. * After the collapse, we won't hear the Father on the radio anymore. * Joseph's disappointed in us, I can tell. We gotta do better. * I hope the Father doesn't take this out on us. * I can't imagine how Joseph feels now, with his brother gone.   * With Jacob gone the Father has to have a backup plan for us. He has to. * Our Father was supposed to save us. Joseph wouldn't ever abandon us, would he? * Joseph will know what to do. I just have to find out where he's hidin'.

Jacob

Resistance

* We're in Jacob's territory now. Know how I know? Wildlife is scarce. I'm not one for hunting but this area in particular used to be home to quite a few species. They've either been driven away or taken in for experiments. It's sad. * Jacob Seed's in charge out here. He's ex-military, he's a combat veteran, and he's a psycho. * Faith was Joseph's favorite, but Jacob is his toughest soldier, bar none. * Jacob's got this Chair. He straps people in and breaks them down until their souls are gone. Then he controls their mind. Don't end up in that chair. * I know Jacob's the bad guy and all, but every bad guy thinks they're this misunderstood hero, right? Has anyone ever tried to just, you know, take him for coffee and talk to him? * Strippin' people of their mind and freewill to build an army for The Father, that ain't right. I still can't believe Jacob and Joseph are brothers. * The mind is the most dangerous weapon and Jacob knows that all too well. No one was really prepared for this. * I've seen him up close once and I'll tell ya' Jacob Seed is one scary motherfucker. * Jacob had one thing right. Things are only goin' to get worse and you gotta be ready for it. * I had a dream once that Jacob took me on a hunt. We shot some deer and he asked me to skin them. As I was cutting them open they changed... it wasn't deer. I... I don't think it was a dream. * Whatever you do, don't listen to the music. That's how Jacob gets you. * One of the first places Jacob took over is the old Veteran's Hospital. No one thought much of it at the time. * Careful. Jacob likes to play mind games with ya. * This was an animal sanctuary until Jacob took it over. Looks like he's got some freaky deaky shit goin' on. Jake-n-Bake Seed really had his fingers up in everything up here. * Jacob's completely insane. He's not even trying to hide what he's doing anymore. * Heard that Jacob has been doin' some weird stuff with animals over here... and not just wolves this time. * Jacob's been putting people in cages. Keepin' them there with no food or water for weeks!  Almost better if they just killed you. * Eli worked on Jacob's special bunkers, did you know that? Turns out they didn't get along. Who would've thought? * No one is immune to Jacob's fucked up conversion. Once they hit you with that you ain't ever the same. * Jacob, he's knows everything that I'm thinking. He's got the key to my mind and he twists... and twists... and twists. * Jacob... his experiments... he takes us... owns us, speaks to us. He hears us. Jacob... he's in control. He controls everything. * Jacob knows how to get into your head. Twists things around so you don't know what's right anymore. * If Jacob can't find a use for you in his army, you become target practice for troops. * Be careful out there. Friends might not be friends anymore after Jacob's done with them. * I bet the Peggies got an armory here, too. I can't believe how Jacob got them so organized. * Jacob's using everything he learned in the military and twisting it to suit the needs of Eden's Gate. Son of a bitch is a poor excuse for a soldier if you ask me. As long as he's alive my Pops will be rolling in his grave, all bitter and mad. * Have to say, you've ticked Jacob off something fierce. * You wanna bet that Jacob had that three-wolf moon poster as a kid? I bet he was a cub scout, too. Now he's getting his badge for people-skinning and brainwashing. * I'm seeing a lot more choppers in the air. Looks like Jacob's using them to move troops and supplies. * You know, I was dumb enough to work for Jacob a few years back. Who you think built him all those Peggie bunkers? You think I saw any of this comin'? Hell no... * Jacob's new recruits gotta kill someone they care about, just to prove their loyalty. That's messed up on so many levels. * Jacob will be pied that you and the Cougars freed the Henbane River. He'll need a new source of soldiers. * Jacob sees himself as beyond the other so-called Heralds. He views his work as the most important, and that the others' purpose was to support him. * Jacob will break every bone in your body to convert you. He lives for pain. * Jacob would happily sacrifice everyone and everything in Hope County to feed Joseph's Collapse. He doesn't care about Faith. * Between John, Faith, and Jacob, I'd say our mind control freak is the worst. He makes people kill their own family. His own mind's twisted. He's a damn maniac. * I hear Jacob's looking everywhere for you. * You gotta save us from all this darkness. All this death. Jacob's losing it and he's out hunting down more people. He's gonna do anything for Joseph's plan to work. * Cult's got the wrong idea 'bout sacrifices. My neighbor killed his old man 'cause Jacob said so. For fuck's sake, you don't do that. * Jacob's gone nuts 'cause he lost a lot of his precious, mindless soldiers. I'd say it sucks even more to see our own teammates turned against us. * Jacob's pissed. That's new. He's always been the crazy type, but I'm afraid of what he'll come up with next. Stay sharp. * Using music to control people is so in bad taste, but Jacob's song pick, that's gotta say something about him. * How much do we know about this Jacob fella? He seems strong. Got a good setup going on... We ought to take some photographs of him or somethin'. Preferably shirtless... Y'know, for intelligence purposes. Know your enemy. * If Jacob he had an experienced woman in his life, this shit would not be happenin'. I'll take one for the team if it comes to that. Just don't tell Xander I said that. He'll get jealous. * I knew Jacob was trouble as soon as he showed up. I mean, did you see his face? It's all burned and twisted like his heart. * Jacob's got training grounds all over the place. I've seen them out there, shooting anything that moves. * I can almost understand why people follow Jacob. He's knows what he's doin', that's for sure. Mind you he's also a fucken' psychopath kind of a deal breaker for me. * Honestly, Jacob scares the shit outta me, even more than the Father. I've seen Jacob up close, I've looked him in the eyes they're empty, not a single shred of humanity anywhere. * Jacob's one sick fuck. Nailing up bodies? Burning people alive? That's just messed up. * You know what? I think Jacob's scared of Eli. That's why he's tried so hard to get him. * Jacob must be getting desperate and crazy. More troops out here than ever. * Jacob's plan worked. I tried to warn them. I told them not to go back. Jacob's going to win. He always wins. * Jacob was the big, mean, brute of the Seed clan. * Jacob was an example of how a vet can go bad without any help. Still glad he's dead of course.

Peggies

* Hope Jacob doesn't have another surprise inspection. Last one didn't go so hot. * Jacob asks for sacrifices from us all.  I gave up my son just so I could understand the Father's pain. * Jacob can turn these animals into weapons for the Father, I've seen him do it. * Jacob calls those wolves of his Judges, 'cause that's what they do. If you're not worthy, they tear you to shreds. * Jacob takes us, molds us and lifts us up to realize our potential. Just like this Judge. Once, it was just a simple wolf. Then it heard the voice of the Father. Now look at it. Stronger, faster... a killer. That's what Jacob does, he makes us better than we were, because only the very best of us will pass through Eden's Gate and on to salvation. * Jacob has asked us to find more recruits for the Project. We have to make them see the light... by force if necessary. * Jacob taught me how to bring a boar down will one killshot. Now I just apply the same logic to sinners. Easy. * Trust nobody, that's what Jacob told us. * Last time I was here Jacob himself complimented me on my shootin'. * Jacob will whip the strong ones into shape. The rest of 'em won't survive training. Jacob sure puts you through your paces here. It's how he makes us strong. * Jacob only wants the strongest of any creature. * Some of the converts have a hard time losing their old notions, but Jacob has a way of getting them to see the light. * If you've ever been in Jacob's presence you know just how powerful he really is. * There is no way anyone would dare stand up to Jacob. They'd be dead in a second. * Jacob's got this county locked down. There's no way they're gonna take him out. * Jacob knows what he's doin'. If he says he's got this bastard covered, I believe him. You know Jacob. He's not gonna give up. * I hear Jacob is furious. We have to try harder. We can't fail the Father. * Jacob's not dead. There's no way. He's too strong to die. * The sacrifice of Jacob must be part of the Father's great plan; we must trust in him. * The guy who killed Jacob. He fucken' cheated. You know Jacob. There's no way he would've lost in a straight up fight. Can't do anything for Jacob, but we can make sure Pratt pays for letting that bastard get away. * Do you think this the father knew about all this? // Of course. It's all part of his plan. // Even losing Jacob? // Do you doubt the Father's visions? // No! Of course not.... it's just... the guys... they have questions.... // Questions? Now's not the time for questions! It's time for action! Do you want to die a sinner? // No! Or course not! // Then get back to your post. The Father needs us now, more than ever! * So what the hell are we going to do now? // What do you mean? // What do I mean? Jacob's dead! That's a pretty big deal, if you ask me. // We still have the Father. It's his plan after all. // Sure, but he had Jacob and the others to help. He can't do it all himself. // That's why we're here. We have to step up, do whatever is asked of us. We can't give up, not now. // Yeah, you're right. Especially with what's coming. // Exactly. Get back to your post, this isn't over yet.

Pratt

* Jacob's caught himself a Deputy. I think it's Pratt. Poor bastard, he's not gonna last a day in there. * Deputy Pratt always came off as a bit of a douchebag, but that doesn't mean he deserves what Jacob's doin' to him. * I'd sure hate to be that Deputy Pratt right now. Jacob's gonna rip him to pieces. He tried to arrest his brother for God sake. * Pratt's days are numbered. One of these days Jacob's gonna have him nailed up on some billboard or something just like the others. * I keep thinking about Pratt, and what Jacob's doin' to him. That poor man's brain's gonna be totally fucked. * Can only imagine what it's like to be left in a cage with nothing to eat for days. God, do you think that's what they're doing to that Deputy of yours? Poor bastard. * I don't think that Deputy's gonna live much longer. I hear Jacob's furious and you can be sure who he's gonna take it out on. * Next time you meet your friend Pratt, be careful. Jacob does things... to your mind... he might not be the same person you remember. Don't say I didn't warn you. * Can you fuckin' believe that guy? // Who? // The Deputy. Pratt. He was wanderin' around behind the cages. // What the fuck was he doin' there? // Who the hell knows. Jacob's probably got him off doing some shit. // Yeah, he's lucky to be able to put two words together after what Jacob did to him! // Seriously. Sometimes I think it's a mistake to put too much trust in these converts. You should come willing to the light, or be struck down. * I.. I was told to feed the Judges but I didn't know where their food was. // Jesus, Pratt. Does nothing stick in that brain of yours? Over there, where it's always kept. // Right! Th..thanks Phil! It won't happen again! // It better not. * I just want go out and hunt down the bastard that killed Jacob and beat them to death.//Don't worry. They'll be here soon enough. We've got their buddy Pratt down here. Pretty sure we're next on the list.//Aren't you worried? They were strong enough to take on Jacob...// Fuck 'em. With the number of guards we got here? They'd be crazy to try to take us on. * Good thing Pratt's out man. He was lookin' like a hipster in a bullfight man. * There's not much of the old Deputy Pratt left, Jacob made sure of that. Almost would've been better that he'd died in there.       * Yeah, the Deputy might be free, but I won't say he's okay. No one is okay after they've been through the trials. No one. * Jacob sure did a number on Pratt. Not sure there's much of him left in there. * It's gonna take a while for Deputy Pratt to recover from this... if he ever does.

Super self-indulgent FAHC AU wherein for whatever reason Geoff doesn’t come to Los Santos to start the FAKE AH Crew until ~later.

Meanwhile, everyone ends up in Los Santos anyway - because reasons - and have to scrape by without the support of the crew behind them?

Like, hacker/thief/??? Gavin ends up in Los Santos via a series of unfortunate events in which he is a total shit and sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong?

Cue his ~fleeing to the US and meandering his way along - getting in trouble along the way, because of course he does, but also amassing a rather impressive list of contacts and such as well - to Los Santos.

Where, lol, of course he gets in over his head yet again? Young and stupid and tries to get one past the wrong guy and before he knows it he’s got himself an arrangement, right?

Work for the guy he tried to fuck over or be horrifically murderized, and oh, hey? The family and friends he left back in England? Sure would be a shame if something happened to them, you know? They seem lovely.

(Why would you just look at the pictures and videos this guy has of them doing all sorts of everyday things and accidents happen, you know. Awful, that.)

Anyway, anyway, Gavin keeps his head down and plays good little hacker/thief/???.

Gives his new boss what he asks for out of him and no more, doesn’t volunteer information or skills or anything he may have himself or know someone who knows someone who might be useful.

No.

Gavin does what’s asked of him and lets his boss’ goons and thugs push him around - little weasel, a coward and so on?

But also Gavin is making a list (or two or three) that has all kinds of interesting information to be had in them? Things his boss’ enemies or other such interested parties could use to utterly ruin the bastard.

Gavin’s got plans, you see, it’s just a matter of time and all that.

Until then he’s meek and mild and does his part whether it be hacking or off to steal some shiny little bit of interest to his boss or whatever else his boss knows he’s capable of. (Nasty stuff, when you get down to it, strange how his boss never wonders how Gavin knows how to do any of this stuff or rest easy thinking they won’t be used on him, but arrogance will do that to people, I guess?)

ANYWAY.

Things are going along...well enough when Gavin’s boss brings in a new hacker.

This kid (not really a kid, if anything a couple of years younger than Gavin at most, but he seems young) who buckles down and plays nice without the rough treatment Gavin and the handful of other hackers and “specialists” like him that have been through the base where Gavin works most of the time.

Gavin would let things run their course for this “Matt Bragg” but he’s not like the others Gavin’s been forced to work with?

They were always the same kid of wrong as his boss and his boss’ favorite goons and thugs. Mean and cruel for the sake of it and didn’t worry who they were hurting so long as they made a profit off it.

But Matt Bragg, okay.

Quiet kid, keeps to himself and gets this pinched look on his face when their boss decides whatever information he handed over to him was to be used in the most “efficient” way possible.

Matt gives their boss two different routes to obtain whatever shiny he’s after, one with minimal casualties on all sides but it’ll take a little longer. The other requires guards and security to be killed, but it shaves a hefty chunk of time off the entire operation, and no bet which one their boss chooses.

And, look.

The fact that Matt took the time to come up with two different approaches like that - contingency plans, yeah, sure, that’s a given - but Matt went out of his way to devise a tactic to avoid having to kill people.

Other things like that crop up from time to time, and Matt gets into trouble for it sometimes, taking too long to get the boss the information he wants because he’s concerned about having to kill some hired guns in a batch of mercs or rent a cops or whatever.

But he keeps on looking for those alternatives, and Gavin takes an interest.

Realizes Matt’s in the same boat as him with regards to working for their boss. Details might not be exactly the same, but whatever they are he ended up here same as Gavin, and that’s.

Interesting?

interesting.

Enough for Gavin to take that interest in Matt, sabotage him here and there so the boss gets pissed, yeah, punishes Matt by restricting his “privileges” and so on?

But there’s a good reason for that.

Because Matt’s good at what he does, too good, and there have been others like him through here before.

Got chewed up and spat out and left to fend for themselves when the cops (or worse) came looking.

Got set up, put on a job and left high and dry in the middle of it while the boss and his flunkies got away with the shiny they were after and a pretty little scapegoat/sacrifice left behind.

It’s where Matt’s headed if he’s not careful, and he isn’t.

Careful, that is.

Goes along with what the boss wants, but he’s the stubborn kind of idiot, you know?

Mouths off when he shouldn’t, and it gets him knocked around a bit. Gets him noticed by their boss’ goons and thugs when it’s the last thing people like them need or want.

Matt’s not stupid, realizes what’s going on and goes to confront Gavin about it, grabs his arm and freezes when Gavin lets out this little hiss f pain, pulls his arm back when Matt’s left staring at him.

Because in all the commotion Gavin’s sleeve got pulled up and there are these marks, bruises and worse and faded scars and -

“What - “

Gavin scowls at Matt, because rude, and also, idiot.

“Leave it alone, Matt Bragg,” he says, meaning Gavin deliberately fucking Matt over and everything else, because you know, because.

Those jobs and tasks and whatnot of Matt’s that Gavin sabotages him on?

Have to get done by someone, and Gavin’s reliable about things like that, isn’t he. (Has to be with everything he’s got on the line and all.)

So Gavin does the jobs/whatever Matt was supposed to and since Gavin has certain skills and the whatnot Matt doesn’t he ends up in the field when Matt would have remained at the base.

Gets hands on experience with whatever conundrum was posed to Matt, and sometimes that means he gets hurt because like hell will his boss offer him helpful support and such, you know?

It’s Gavin thieving about in hostile territory and with the odds stacked against him and shit always goes wrong.

And if it’s not the job/whatever where Gavin gets hurt you can bet their boss’ goons and thugs have something to say about things. (Gavin’s got a mouth on him even now, and makes enemies like you wouldn’t believe without trying.)

So anyway, anyway, Matt is like !!! and oh, you fucking moron, and drags Gavin off to get propery patched up.

Cue Friendship montage in which they realize they’re more or less working towards the same goals - Gavin wants the fuck out of this arrangement he was forced into and would rather do that than burn things to the ground while he’s still inside.

But Matt?

Lol, fucker would cheerfully burn the place down around him and figure his way out from there.

So.

Montage sequence in which they team up and utterly wreck their boss and his operation.

And, you know, because hackers end up filthy rich afterwards.

Fuck around for a while because Freedom and Choice and :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD but then they get word their boss had enemies who are looking to take over his territory and such and Gavin and Matt are like “...wait.”

Between them they have the resources and connections to set themselves for life in Los Santos, so they do?

Start setting up their own little criminal empires in the remains of their former boss’, and they start by bringing in assholes like this Rimmy Tim guy Matt met out at a bar one night?

Recently liberated from their boss and getting a drink to celebrate while Gavin was making sure things were good back in England and his boss’ allies/whoever couldn’t touch them and Matt’s more than a little tipsy, you know?

Mouths off to the wrong guy and almost gets the shit beat out of him but this weirdo in purple and orange (”I remember yellow, too?”) comes along and plays white knight for Matt.

At which point Matt has to buy him a drink as a thank you and the two of then end up getting shit-faced drunk.

Also you know.

Smooches are exchanged because oh, hey, he’s cute/hot/I like his face a lot before the alcohol kicks in and they end up snuggled together on a bed and passing the fuck out.

Not important whose bed, so much as the !!! the morning afterward realizing they went home with some weirdo and...smooched? Before snuggling and passing out???

And then awkward dating, because of course, and hey, since we’re building a criminal empire I totally know a guy, Matt says to Gavin, and then has to add, “It’s uh. We’re dating? But he’s exactly what we’re looking for for the whole...criminal empire thing???”

Gavin would be highly critical of Matt and his everything if it weren’t for the fact a bounty hunter he tangled with a ways back finally tracked him down?

Michael is super not thrilled with him, because of course?

This whole Thing where Michael got sent after this asshole hacker/thief/whatever in Gavin and they ended up being all 80s movies romcom/action flick flirting while avoiding the legit hitmen sent after Gavin?

Saving one another’s lives - at one point administering mouth-to-mouth - and getting matching flesh wounds in a shootout followed by a teensy amount of torture by some baddie?

And then!

Michael rethinking turning Gavin in only for Gavin to make that decision moot when Gavin knocked him out and chained him to a motel radiator before fleeing to parts unknown?

Only not so unknown as Michael finally found him.

There’s a cat and mouse game that ends up with both of then soaking wet - caught out in a rainstorm/went for a swim in a river/body of water - and Michael scowling at Gavin like he’s about to beat the shit out of him?

Only he kind of does...not that, what with the Angry Kissing that’s happening and Gavin’s !!! that turns to :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD and Michael’s >:((((((((((((((((((((((((((( that turns to >:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( becuase Gavin is a piece of shit and Michael hates him so fucking much, stop laughing you little shit!!1! >:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Anyway.

Gavin and Matt have Jeremy and Michael, and then the rest trickle in?

Like.

Gavin worked with a gang a while back that hired this sniper - odd sort, but damn good with a sniper rifle and the kind you can trust to keep their mouth shut.

Ray’s not in it for the long-haul, not looking for a crew, but he’s always up to do a favor for friends and such.

And then Michael meets Lindsay through -

“Don’t fucking ask, seriously.”

And then!

Some friend of Jeremy’s in Trevor - this !!! You!!1! - moment between Gavin and Trevor because Thieves!!1! who may or may not have run into one another in the field and ensuing shenanigans as they were after the same shiny and oh, what a fun night that was, eh?

Alfredo just.

Suddenly fucking there???

Seems to know Michael who is like, “Oh, this fucker,” and no one can tell if he likes Alfredo at first? But then it comes out Alfredo used to be a bounty hunter too before he decided it was more fun being a “bad guy”

(Extenuating circumstances in which he was hired by some people to bring in some poor bastard who was innocent of whatever crime they said he committed because reasons? Alfredo finding out and then shenanigans in which he saved the poor guy’s life and set them up with a new life somewhere and ended up being framed for crimes he didn’t commit and all that. And since he was being framed for crimes he didn’t commit, why the hell not go out and commit actual crimes?

But.

Like.

Fun crimes.)

And then!!1!

Just as things are going smoothly, Gavin and Matt’s old boss manages to hire some assholes to kill Gavin? Matt would be great, sure, but the focus is on making Gavin super fucking dead, and everyone is freaking out, right, because for whatever reason they all like the little shit?

General sort of panic/mayhem until one of the assholes hired to kill Gavin actually gets their hands on him?

Catches him alone somewhere and while everyone is panicking trying to find Gavin, Gavin himself is :DDDDDDDDDDDD because the asshole who caught him is the fucking Vagabond.

When everyone gets to where they are Gavin’s like ??? at all the fear/panic he’s seeing and is like. “Guys, it’s my ex!”

Because this whole thing way, way before Michael and such where Gavin met Ryan and somehow wasn’t murdered?

Managed to make friends with the bastard that turned into something more and it was good, really, really good, until it wasn’t.

Someone from Ryan’s past gunning for him and Ryan ran Gavin off - “Bastard shot me!” but Gavin’s not mad, not anymore.

And it wasn’t like Ryan ran him off so much as dumped him at the ER and left Gavin to deal with the gunshot wound and explaining how he came by it to the authorities and then trying to find the bastard again afterward.

Which...he didn’t, but after months looking for him his contacts told him the Vagabond had set up shop in a city somewhere and seemed to be doing well for himself?

And Gavin was like :(((((((((((( because oh, well then, thinking maybe Ryan was better off without him weighing him down and such?

(Because hey, Vagabond and some hacker/thief/whatver in Gavin and honestly, no doubt who the more capable/dangerous one of them was.)

Thinking if Ryan wanted to, he could have come back for Gavin, or at least looked for him, but he hadn’t,so.

Gavin left him to it, kept on his way towards eventually arriving in Los Santos and everything that happened since - including Michael, oh shit - and then, uh.

Super awkward inching towards Mavinwood with Gavin and his feelings for Michael and Ryan and Michael and Ryan with their feelings for Gavin? But also bonding over the fact they have feelings for Gavin, because the guy’s a little shit, you know?

Complete asshole, and oh my God, do you want to hear about this one thing he did once?”

And so on, and also other reasons such as oh no, he’s hot and oh no, he’s an unbearable dumbass, why do I always fall for them?

Fiona comes along because Gavin’s old friends in England get curious about what’s going on with him and there’s a misunderstanding and she kid of, sort of, tries to kill him?

Like.

A lot.

Worse than that time every asshole in the city (and beyond) were after the price on Gavin’s head and persistent as hell and “Wait, Dan told you to what?”

And Fiona’s like “He said, and aI quote, ‘Take care of the wanker, for me, would you, Fiona? I’ll owe you,” and other such things and Gavin almost dies from laughing so hard while Fiona’s like “What? What are you laughing at, you asshole?”

More shenanigans and such and by the time Geoff and Jack do get to Los Santos they’ve heard about this weird as fuck crew  - dangerous, rumors say they took out the biggest name in Los Santos’ history to get where they are - and are greeted with Gavin and Matt and all the other assholes, what even??

The Gross One | DanganRonpa V3, Post Game

Spoilers. 

So I’ve been kind of wrestling with the ethics of the DanganRonpa game/show in canon. It would be toxic fandom culture turned up to 11 maybe 12. Just think about all Tea/Drama channels that would religiously keep up with Former DanganRonpa cast members, just like Bachelor contestants. So unlike my last piece, they’re kids here. The game hinted that their in-game names weren’t their real names so I gave them names. 

Kokichi - Ikki Nomura (had a breakdown on the set of a TV Show is now in the hospital) Shuichi - Daisuke Nakamura (has become instantly famous and doesn’t really get why everyone’s upset) Korekiyo: Keiji Taro (Has bad asthma and needs a dust mask during the day, doesn’t actually have a sister)

Warning: talk of suicide, bullying, excessive hate mail, incest (because korekiyo) and an overabundance of “fuck”. 

“Can I be honest with you, Taro-san?” Daisuke asks timidly. Keiji shrugs; this guy is going to vent his emotions no matter what he does so he might as well get it over with. “I feel kinda bad but I like the attention, you know?” Daisuke blushes lightly, embarrassed at the thought of standing out. Keiji wishes for death. “Being Shuichi was just supposed to be like...a throw away thing. I was supposed to be the first to die. Like we rehearsed the execution and everything but I got to be the hero. It’s still sort of hard to believe.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Keiji mutters. Daisuke realizes that Keiji is only half listening.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Not to rain on your parade or anything but you’re Saihara fucking Shuichi, the hero of the series finale of DanganRonpa, one of the most expansive virtual shows in the world. With all that protagonist energy, you couldn’t possibly understand what Ikki’s going through.” Keiji replies a bit harsher than intended but he doesn’t take it back. 

“Ikki?”

“Yeah, that’s his first name.” Daisuke stares blankly at him and he considers leaving the silent question unanswered, but someone is going to find out sooner or later. “We went to the same school and were in different classes but...yeah. He used to get picked on a lot. He needed a tall friend.” 

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” 

“You never asked.” Keiji intended to be harsh that time, but Daisuke doesn’t really get it.

“You don’t go to the same school anymore?” The younger boy asks. Keiji suppresses a groan. 

“No.”

“Why?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Keiji snaps. “Are you actually so stupid, you can’t think of a single reason why Ikki and I had to transfer schools?” Daisuke’s blank, confused stare tears him up inside. How? How can you be this blissfully ignorant? He wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the producers haven’t been honest with him. Maybe he doesn’t visit the DanganRonpa forums anymore. But Ikki is on suicide watch, for god’s sake and Daisuke has the nerve to tell him that all this attention is feels good. Keiji digs in his pocket for his phone and opens the email inbox. “Just read it.” 

It’s all hate. Not just your typical twitter hate, either. It’s pictures of gore, death threats, incest hentai gifs, lovingly rendered drawings of Korekiyo holding his beloved seesaw scythe over his hand as he’s boiled alive. The graphic images make Daisuke’s heart drop. The hate goes all the way back to the contestant leak before the show even started. Keiji gets at least five of these messages from people all over the world every day. Changing his number isn’t so easy when fans keep leaking it.  

“Kids at school started throwing handfuls of salt at me.” Keiji adds spitefully. “When it triggered one of my asthma attacks, Mom thought it would be better for me to move back to Yokohama with them and move to a different high school.” A bitter laugh bubbles up from his chest. Daisuke looks scared. Good. “You know what sucks about all this?” Daisuke almost makes a guess but Keiji keeps rambing. “I cut my hair. I took out my contacts and I even threw away almost every hat I owned. But! I still need my fucking mask every day because asthma doesn’t care if you feel like shit.” Daisuke has a feeling he’s not talking to him anymore. “It doesn’t matter what mask I wear. Someone always recognizes me when I have it on. And it sucks.” Keiji stands up. “It sucks! Do you have any idea how much it sucks to be Korekiyo - the sister fucker?”

“People are staring…” 

“Good! They stare all the time. Get used to it since you like the attention.” Keiji snarls. 

“What does Nomura-kun have to do with any of this?” Daisuke is almost afraid to ask but it doesn’t stop him.

“Are you joking?” Daisuke shakes his head rapidly. “As Kokichi, Ikki is responsible for two of the most beloved characters in the franchise and canonically sinking every precious S.S. Makito ship.” A pause, and then...

“But he tried to save everyone, didn’t he?” There’s a dangerous pause. For a moment, Keiji seriously considers punching Daisuke across the face. He doesn’t care that he’s still wearing his school uniform. He can take a suspension. If his homeroom teacher can even make eye contact with him, that is. His permanent record doesn’t matter. I Played Korekiyo Sister Fucker Shinguji is pretty much a life sentence. Maybe Ikki had the right idea.

“That doesn’t matter.” Keiji replies. “I don’t even have a sister. I have three brothers. The youngest of which won’t talk to me because I was “the gross one”.” Daisuke doesn’t know what to say. In DanganRonpa, Kokichi is almost a hero but what does that make Ikki? He was already being bullied. The attention, something Daisuke had been enjoying up to now, only made it worse. Whatever happened, it drove him to threaten suicide. 

“I...should go. See him, I mean.” Daisuke says carefully. Keiji takes out his inhaler and after shaking it, pulls down his mask and takes three big huffs. 

“Yeah.” He replies, coughing slightly. “Try not to say anymore stupid shit.”

Wammys Week Day 5: ON TIME FINALLLYYYY!!!!

So here’s a story about Matt and Mello being cool detectives in the underground, some hints at some NSFW things but nothing graphic, just saying that stuff happened. It’s kinda long.

Mello stormed into his apartment and kicked a wall as hard as he could, breaking it. “Who was it today Mels?” Matt asked, not looking away from his screen.

“Fucking Jacob Flint, the bastard keeps fucking us over!” Mello said, running his hands through his hair.

“Oh shit, what’d he do today?” 

“The fucking bastard decided to cut his shipment to AK, he delayed it for TWO WEEKS, how the hell am I supposed to get bullets for The Exorcist when he doesn't fucking cooperate or do normal business practices? I swear it’s literally only me this has been happening too.” Mello said, grabbing a can of pink lemonade from the fridge, “I’m going to have to use my regular gun now…” He cracked it open and took a sip, “Also, we have a gathering coming up.” 

“Oh, we do? Where?” Matt asked.

“Prince’s Villa, up on the cliff, you know, the one.” Mello said sitting on the couch and taking a bite of chocolate.

“Oh, I love Prince’s gatherings! His wife, Carmela, right? Yeah, she gives me candy and calls me handsome.” 

“Yeah, but I hear Dante and Jess have beef again so everyone’s in an uproar, so I might have a new case soon.”

“Anyone's game I guess.” Matt said. He always said that Mello would have a case soon but didn’t know who would be hiring him.

--------------------

Matt and Mello were driving to work the following morning, on their usual route to stop at Dunkin’ Doughnuts. They said hi to all their usual friends, some kids who liked to play online with Matt, an old man that liked to talk about guns with Mello, a girl that was friends with B, ECT. The two popped into the packed restaurant, one of the workers and a few regulars said hi to them. They ordered and got their food, sat down at a table and watched the news. Nothing new, just some murders, Mello chucked at most of them, he knew the culprits of most, some Jack the Ripper fan boy who used the alias Jack, it was obvious just by looking. They were eating when an old friend came in and tapped them on the shoulder, “You hear the news?”

“Hey, Chase, long time no see, what’s up?” Mello said.

“Couple of Flint’s guys got killed the other day.” Chase said, pulling up a chair.

“Is that why the bastard didn’t give AK our bullet shipment?” Mello.

“I don’t know. Hey I thought it was because of that that they died.He’s been fucking you guys over al ot hasn’t he?” 

“I know right? It started before the feud we just had, fucker might be turning in me or something. It’s bullshit, I just want to use my gun.” Mello said.

“Tch, yeah, tell Ross I said hi by the way, I got places to be, I’ll catch you later crow boy.” Chase walked out the door and sped off in his car.

Mello sighed, he hoped he wouldn’t have to investigate this, it might end up with him in Jess’ part of town, god was that guy an ass.

----------------------

He and Matt were chilling in the hideout, he was honestly waiting for III Rat to come in and tell him he had a client, but nothing happened. Pretty average day really. Not to say they didn’t discuss the murders. Mello had a pretty good hunch as to what happened. Jess and Dante got mad at each other, Jess goes and kills guys for one of Dante’s biggest contributors to her literal black market, Dante gets mad customers and drama and there goes her business again. That was usually the case when this happened. Not to say Mello didn’t have to investigate, and he really hated Jess.

-----------------

The following day, Mello and Matt went through their routine, but when they got to base, they had a surprise guest. Prince. 

“Oh, well hey Prince, what brings you here?” Mello asked

“Mello, so glad to see you, there’s an issue I’d like to talk about with you.” Prince said. Price was an elderly man, very kind and respected in the underground, he didn’t have any enemies, not sense his enemies went and started a feud that sent all of the underground spiraling into madness that is, so Mello was unsure of what the issue could be here.

Mello sat down, “What is it?”

“Well, you see, I asked Jacob Flint to give me some bullets if I helped him with trafficking some special bullets.” Mello perked up, “But after words some of his men were killed.”

“I was aware. If you’re asking who did that, I suspected Jess.” Mello said.

“No, Jess and Queeny were out of town that day and his other lackey, I can’t remember his name, was out slaughtering prostitutes again, but I don’t need you to investigate there, that’s none of my business.” Prince said, “It’s about the other murder.”

Mello tilted his head, “There was another?” He asked.

Prince looked shocked for a second, “Yes… there was another murder. A friend of mine who was supposed to be meeting with Vince was poisoned.”

“Poisoned? Who was he?” Mello tilted his head.

“He was a small time guy, did deals and acted as a stand in for big bosses. He was pretty unknown, he wasn’t even from LA. So he wouldn’t have any enemies here.” Prince said.

“So if I’m following this right, you and Vince were having a meeting but rather than come yourself you sent a man with no enemies here to deal for you but the day before this deal he was killed? And with poison no less? Can I have details about his death, where and when?” Mello asked.

“He was at his hotel, having a drink, someone must have poisoned it I assume.” Prince said. “And I was wondering if you could find out who did it.”

“Poison… that almost always means assassination… but by who…” Mello was thinking hard about this. “I wonder… maybe someone had a grudge against Vince? That’s likely… I’ll have to investigate more…” Mello stood up and grabbed his coat. “I’ll have it done by the gathering this Saturday.” 

“Thank you Mello… will your friend be coming too?” Prince asked.

“Who, Matt, yes of course, he loves your gatherings, Carmela gives him candy and food is his only reason to leave the house.” Mello laughed along with Prince. Then left to join Matt in the car. 

------------------------------

Mello and Matt were parked in a clearing overlooking LA. The place was secluded and they couldn’t be seen or heard. From their place Matt, being incredibly far sighted, could see Prince’s Vila a few miles away. Nothing looked out of the ordinary.

Matt put his goggles back on and turned to Mello, “Mello, why are we up here? I thought we were gonna have some fun… not sit around looking at some old man’s summer house.” Matt wined.

“Matt, what do Vince and Jacob Flint sell?” Mello asked.

“Vince sells explosives and Flint sells bullets. Why?”

“Why would Prince be buying from Vince, and at a time like this? We just had a feud, this is a time of peace? It doesn't make sense for him to need explosives like that, bullets I can understand, we’re all running low, but explosives? No, it doesn't.”

“Huh.” Matt leaned against the car and lit a cigarette, “That is weird, and thanks to our feud, Prince got rid of all his enemies, why bullets? And why would Flint be asking Prince to help him? He’s had no issue before getting his stuff out. There’s no reason for the delay unless…” Matt paused.

“What is it Matty?” 

“Why would he just… delay a shipment like that? Especially to AK? No one delays shipments to AK without a reason, and even if Flint has a habit of putting off shipping for a day or two, two weeks has to be a record. I think the delay was on purpose and was the work of Prince.” 

“What!?! That doesn't make any sense!” Mello said.

“No, hear me out, the main contenders in the last feud will be at this gathering, and in the last feud, Prince nearly got whipped out and we did nothing until his enemies got on our bad side. What if he’s planning on blowing the place up and this is his way of saying, “Guess you shouldn’t have been so selfish?”

Mello looked down for a bit. “What does that have to do with bullets?”

“We all saw your little display of power when you, in front of everyone, blew a man's head off with the Exorcist from 50 feet away. He’s afraid of power. That’s why he delayed the bullets.”

“But why would he… why tell me about that death then? That would tell me something is up?” 

“A distraction, if you’re working on a hard case then you won’t question any weird moves he makes. People here are more afraid of your mind than your gun. So what if he killed this guy to give you a tough case? Then killed some of Flint’s guys, to give you some stress. It adds up.”

“Yes, but It’s still shaky Matt,” Mello sighed “What’s today?

“Friday.” Matt said.

“We won’t be going to that gathering. Not until I get this straightened out.” Mello stood up and paced, talking out loud as he did, “His actions make no sense… why would he give me hints like that… why would he do anything… I wouldn’t have known any way… unless he thought… no what if he’s being sincere and I’m over thinking…

“Mello.” Matt said. Mello looked up, “Who’s his informant?” Matt asked.

“An Usaki Yakuza member, why?” Mello asked.

“All the Usaki kids went back to Japan for the week, remember? He doesn't have information, so he must have assumed you were aware of the murder because he doesn't know that our informant is also an Usaki. He was trying to throw you off by telling you the odd circumstances of and asking you to investigate the death of a man who was working an extremely shady job that he thought you were already suspicious of.”

“So he was trying to make me question a death and not his actions, but what he didn’t know, it that I didn’t know about the death or his actions at all.” Mello found himself marveling at Matt’s deductive ability. How he didn’t end up number one was beyond him.

“And I bet he caused the deaths of those other guys to cover up him trying to delay that shipment on purpose. Chase said it happened a few days ago right?” Matt said.

“But then why would he tell me Jess and his gang of serial killing dumb fucks left LA?”

“He does business in that part of town right? There’s a likelihood that he was trying to keep Jess and his gang's reputation and keep him on your good side.” Matt said.

Mello stood up. He needed to share he and Matt’s deductions with Ross. “Come on Matt, we’re heading back to base.”

--------------------------------------------

Mello stormed in, “ROSS! We made a discovery!”

Ross looked up at him, “What is it?”

“I think Prince is planning on killing us at his gathering.”

“What! Where did you go off thinking that?” Ross asked him.

Mello explained his thinking to Ross and the gang. By the end, Ross was pretty convinced, Mello was never wrong before after all. Mello left out the bit where Matt had come up with the theory. Which may sound rude, but to almost everyone, Matt is just an assistant that does Mello’s bidding and is very replaceable, and not a good portion of the skill and intelligence out of the two of them. It was a protective measure, making it look like Matt is just a replaceable accessory with no value so that no one would try to hurt him to get to Mello. And Matt was ok with that, he didn’t really care.

“So should I tell everyone else or…?” Ross asked.

“Sounds like the best course of action, either way, I’m not going.” Mello said.

“And if you’re wrong?”

“I’m never wrong.”

“Ok then Mello…”

Ross told Mello’s theory to everyone he could think of, and made sure the rumor spread like wildfire, even getting some confirmation from Vince saying that Prince had purchased a large amount of explosives. When the day came, what do you know, the dumb fucks that didn’t listen to Mello’s theory got blown to bits, he was right yet again. 

Mello and Matt sat up on their little spot, chilling on the hood of Matt’s car, shirtless, having a couple's moment and watching a Prince’s villa blow up. Matt was smoking a cigarette. Mello was laying up against Matt’s left side, laying on his chest with his hand feeling the muscles in Matt’s right arm. 

“Matty, why do some people never listen.”

Matt put his arm around Mello, “Don’t know Mels.” 

Mello sighed and kissed Matt on the forehead, “Another case solved by M&M…”

“Mello, can we have some fun?” Matt gave him puppy dog eyes this time.

“Fine, since you’re so fucking cute…” 

And so they fucked. The end. No moral. Nothing at all. Just Matt and Mello doing stuff and being cool detective boyfriends.

bts react- when they’re drunk

warning: this post mentions mature content and alcohol use

-can’t keep his hecking EYES OPEN

-tries to keep a serious face and be all philosophical and learn you a lesson but…can’t…stop…giggling?

-”stop making me laugh I’m trying to save your soul”

-”did you know…that cats paws…have this thing called toe beans? TOE BEANS Y/N!”

-the type to escape to a balcony or rooftop to look at the stars and question the meaning of life 

-pretends he’s in one of those angsty teen romance movies

-just wants to make out tbh

-he’ll have random epiphanies about things that don’t make sense to anyone but him

-wants to write a letter to his idol

-also just really wants some ice cream???

-also….major horndog

-wants to get all up in that

-if a girl is wearing a short skirt or low cut top SORRY BUT HE LOOKING

-you can hear his laugh over the music in the club

-is dancing like a maniac in the middle of the dance floor

-would probably dance on a table for a jello shot

-goes up to the DJ and asks him to play Britney Spears

-loses track of how many drinks he’s had but doesn’t care

-wants to play g a m e s

-like the typical truth or dare or a card game like king’s cup

-gets kind of shy if he sees anyone stripping of any sort (even if it’s their coat)

-most likely to spill some of his secrets while drunk

-doesn’t like beer

-most likely to order a shit ton of food from uber eats or grub hub

-most likely to confess his feelings to someone when drunk

-literally does not give a shit about what anyone thinks he just wants to have a good time

-definitely the life of the party

-will pretend he’s a celebrity at a party and will get offended if anyone asks him who he is

-done

-so done

-sits in the corner of the room and sips his drink and just EYE ROLLS FOR DAYS

-will 100% slyly stand behind people to eavesdrop 

-lowkey wants to start drama

-”Yeah I guess so and so is hooking up with this person now. Oh wait, isn’t that the new person you’re seeing? Tsk. I’m sorry. I know how you were ‘so excited about this one.’“

-compliment him in any way and he’ll turn redder than a tomato 

-do not compliment this drunk he will RUN AWAY FROM SHYNESS

-tbh just wants to watch a Disney movie 

-will never admit how many drinks he’s actually had

-writes music when he’s drunk thinking it’s the greatest thing he’s ever written but then listens to it the next morning and CRINGES

-will most likely try to adopt a pet while drunk

-wants KITH

-as soon as he’s feeling tipsy he wants to go home tbh

-even though he loves being his little social butterfly self he would just rather be drunk where he’s comfortable

-parties aren’t really his thing

-and cmon….we’ve seen how quickly this man gets tipsy

-wants to watch sing along Disney movies and just S C R E A M S the words

-will play dance dance revolution while drunk

-randomly decides he’s taking up knitting or that he’s a puzzle enthusiast now

-like he’ll just start saying, “Yeah tonight has made me really how passionate I am about tie dye socks so I’m gonna start making them from now on.”

-walks around heavy sighing for NO REASON EXCEPT TO GET ATTENTION

-loooooooootttttttttsssssssss of sound effects/random noises

-definitely doesn’t know what an inside voice is

-will want to go to Walmart or something and skip down the aisles 

-has a childlike sense of wonder when drunk

-very giggly to the point where it sounds soooo fake

-very smiley

-keeps “falling” into your lap

-just wants to be held

-VERY VERY WHINEY 

-basically take Jimin’s personality now and amplify it by 1000

-literally trips over air

-announces he’s gonna cook something but then halfway to the kitchen he forgets where he’s going and walks in the opposite direction

-mixes his fucking alcohol like a CHAMP

-probably makes the best mixed drinks out of the group

-ends up being the bartender for everyone but lowkey is taking sips outta your drink

-what’s a chaser? Jimin don’t know

-keeps patting his leg for you to sit in his lap but you know where THAT will lead you so you stay away

-which makes him poutier

-which makes him do everything in his power to get you frustrated

-somehow ends up shirtless during the party

-literally the horniest mother fucker

-like you better fix this QUICK

-keeps saying sexual things on the low in front of EVERYONE

-someone will be talking about a problem they’re having and Tae will go 

-”I have a problem too but only y/n can fix it”

-O O P

-lots of smirks, winks, eyebrow raises the whole night

-makes bets with other members on who can drink more

-ends up outsmarting them by watering down his drinks or something sly to make them get more drunk

-throws up if he drinks cheap ass vodka 

-just wants to be blown tbh

-the type to play beer pong and miss soooo badly you think he did it on purpose

-won’t stop showing you pictures of dogs

-another one that laughs at everything

-like literally cannot stop laughing

-you’ll come up to him and say “here’s your drink” and he’s just busting a rib

-also another horn dog BUT you won’t know until you get home ;;;))))

-after he’s good and drunk he wants to RUN

-LETS GO RUN FIVE MILES REAL QUICK

-never throws up when drinking????

-surprisingly not the type to go overboard with the drinking

-definitely knows his limits and is aware if he wants to push them or not

-honestly probably the guy to walk a girl home when they’re both drunk because he doesn’t want her to get in a car with someone or walk by herself

-takes a lot of pictures of people at the party and lots of selfies

-the master at the keg hand stand

-everyone’s favorite frat boi

♡𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝓊𝑒𝓈𝒹𝒶𝓎 ♡

© do not copy, modify, translate, or repost. Jinitude 11/05/19

Chapter 6

Grand Masterlist , Series Masterlist

Wanna be tagged for future fics?

@apla-o-eaytos-mou​ @pretendcnco​ @joelitos-baby​ @chellybear98​ @boundtobreakk​ @cncogirl18​ @ericksmamita​ @prettymuch-cnco​ @pizzaspirits​ @cncoaddicted​ 

Previous Chapter

I know these chapters have been kinda shit lately lol but please, bare with me. I’ve never written a series before awsedrf anyways, I’ve written the rest of the chapters and I can’t wait to share them with y’all! I hope you guys enjoy chapter 6! x

~~

“Joel, you’re making a big mistake.”

“If you really like someone, you shouldn’t give up on them so easily.”

Richard just doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’m not making a mistake –  I know what I’m doing. Sure I feel bad about this, but this has to pay off in the end, right?

I have to be honest with myself though… (Y/N) is actually pretty cool and funny. If I wasn’t doing this, then we might actually be great friends. I do wonder how long this little thing will last though. I don’t want to drag her too deep and have her fall for me because then that would be cruel… I mean, what I’m doing right now isn’t good either, but this is different.

It’s been a couple days since I’ve last seen my group of friends, but it’s definitely been a couple of minutes since I’ve last spoken to (Y/N). We’re currently playing Battleship through GamePigeon on messages.

Chime

‘Oh you little fucker. You’re cheating somehow >:(’

I smirked and wrote back to her, finishing my turn. Sinking, yet again, another one of her ships.

‘You’re a sore loser :P you just suck at hiding your shit from me’

I laughed at her comments and continued beating her at this little game we’re playing. “Joel?” I looked up from my phone and saw all the boys’ faces on me. “Hmm? What?”

“We’ve been talking to you for the past couple of minutes. Who are you texting?” Erick asked as I noticed Christopher had a knowing look on his face. “Uh just a friend..” I quickly put my phone in my pocket and cleared my throat. “Just  a friend?” Zabdiel asked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down playfully. “Oh my – ”

Chime

I didn’t dare look down at my phone as they all waited, looking at me with anticipation. “… You gonna get that?” Richard asked. He especially cannot know about (Y/N) and what I’m doing. I shook my head and patted the phone that rested inside the pocket of my jeans. “No, I’d rather talk to you guys.”

“Dude, it’s okay. No need to get embarrassed.” Richard smiled. “We’re just teasing a little.” I nodded at him as they got back to what they were talking about. I waited a few minutes before looking down at my phone.

‘Aha! Gotcha! I finally found another one of your ships!’

I chuckled and wrote back to her.

‘So? I know where your last two are ;) prepare to accept defeat’

We continued texting each other until Yoandri decided to call me. I excused myself and walked out of the room until I knew no one could hear me. “Hello?” I asked. “Hey! It’s me.” I heard him say. “Hey.” A smile immediately plastered itself onto my face. “How are you, bro?”

“I’m doing okay. I’m just out with Johann and Sam right now getting some food and we were wondering if you wanted to join? It’s totally cool if you can’t or are not feeling up to it. You’re not obliged to say yes.”

“Oh uh..” Quick! Think! I would love to go, but the whole reason why I’m even going out with (Y/N) is so I don’t seem too available. I have to make it believable somehow. Doing this will make you-know-who want to spend more time with me. “You know what? I’m.. actually busy right now. I’m going out with someone later on today and I have to get ready.”

“Hey, it’s no problem!” I heard him chuckle and shuffle in the background. “Yeah, I’m really sorry man. We can hang out later on in the week?”

“Joel, it’s no big deal haha I get that you’re busy, so don’t worry about it... who are you meeting up with?” Innocent question, but I can’t quite tell him the whole truth. I could hear him chuckle on the other line as he waited for my answer. “What? Uh no one.. it’s just a girl I’ve been seeing..”

“Oh my God you finally got someone?” He exclaimed. “Scream it out for the world to hear, would you?”

“Oh come on! This is big news! How can you keep this from me?” He laughed. “It’s not a big deal.” I chuckled. “Does anyone else know about her?” I shook my head and almost forgot that he can’t see me. “Nah, just Chris but that’s about it.”

After a few minutes of him trying to pry more information out of me about her, he hung up the phone as I stood out into the hallway. I bet (Y/N) would be willing to go out today. She’s probably free anyways.

‘Hey, you wanna get dinner together later on? x’

I sent her a text and received one in return moments later.

‘Aahh I can’t today :( lol sorry! I’m having a night in with my girls :) x’

Well then.. there goes those plans.

‘When can I see you again? x’

‘Patience is a virtue, Pimentel lol I’ll let you know soon. x’

‘I’ll be patient for you, princesa. I’ll wait. x’

I don’t know why I called her “princesa”, it just slipped out. Hmm… I’m sure Chris is willing to go out. I walked back into the room where the rest of the boys were and walked up to Chris. “Hey man, you feel like going out right now?” I asked as he smiled. “Do you know me? Of course.”

The rest of the boys didn’t seem to mind that much as their attention was on the TV screen. A game of Mario Kart was being played. “Oh my God Erick, you really suck at this game!” Richard exclaimed as he made a sharp turn. “Ay cállate! I’m trying my best!” Erick laughed as his character bumped into Zabdiel’s. “Hey hey hey! Ten cuidado - me voy a caer!”

Christopher laughed, stood up and put her jacket on. “Vamanos.” He mentioned over to the door and started walking. “Ayo! When you guys are out, do you think you can bring back some food?” Richard asked as he passed the finish line, coming in 3rd place. “Sure thing. Any requests?” Chris asked as Richard shook his head. “I’m not picky.” We walked out the door and made our way towards his car.

“So, where do you feel like going?” He asked me as he started his car up. “No where in particular. Maybe we can just go out for a drive and we’ll see.” He nodded his head as we left.

“How have things been going with that girl you’ve been seeing?” He asked. “(Y/N)? It’s okay right now, she couldn’t go out today so..”

“Oh, I see.” He chuckled. “I’m your back up plan.”

“What? No, I – I didn’t mean..” He laughed and shook his head. “Dude, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” My face turned a bit red from embarrassment. “What’s she like?” His question caught me off guard. “What?”

“I’m sorry, but ever since I found out about her, I’ve just been curious of who she is.” He smiled. “Uh.. well.. I don’t know much about her yet, but I know she’s very sweet and really funny.” I said as I thought back to our text messages earlier. “One of her favorite drinks of Café de Olla, she wants to travel but her job doesn’t pay much so she hasn’t been able to go out in a while.”

“Where does she work?” He stopped at a red light and waited for me to continue. “At a HomeGoods somewhere around here. I bumped into her one day when I was there buying my stuff I needed.” I talked about her for a few minutes more, stating the facts that she’s told me on our coffee date a few days ago as realization now settled into my brain of how much I actually know about her. I guess playing 20 questions paid off for this specific moment.

“She sounds like a nice girl.” He smiled as he drove up to a Popeyes drive-thru. “Yeah, she is..” I guess I must have been paying attention to her more than I thought. Christopher started to order the food while I looked down at my phone. Maybe I just felt bad about doing this that I thought the least I could do was listen to some of her stories. Yeah, maybe that’s it.

He drove up to the next window, paid with his card and grabbed the food they handed him. “Have a good one.” Christopher smiled at the lady as she returned his smile. “You too.” He handed me the bags as the smell of chicken filled the air in his car.

“I wonder if Erick finally won a round of Mario Kart.” Christopher laughed as he started driving off. “Probably not, but I guess we’ll see when we get home.” I chuckled and looked out the window.

“Hey, Joel?” I turned to look over at him. “Yeah?”

“About (Y/N)… I’m actually really happy for you, bro. You know, to be in the puppy love stage in the beginning of a relationship is the best because everything feels new to the both of you.” He stated. “I’m happy that you found someone. I hope I get to meet her one day.” He smiled. “Yeah, I uh.. I guess we’ll just see.” I’m sorry, Chris, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen… I have to remind myself that she’s not the one I want. There’s someone else…

Next Chapter

Super Freak

Billy Hargrove X OC!Camille Harper Smutty Drabble 🍒

Another deleted scene from my fic: Without The Lights. A shameless, hilarious & dirty request: “ Bruh I wanna know what Tommy H’s letter said😂😂“

About that one time local Hawkins dumbass,Tommy H, took a break with Carol and he drunkenly wrote Queen Bee, Camille Harper, a nasty love letter. Billy’s been waiting ages to read it and make fun, but things take a turn for the heated when he dives in. SMUT.

Thanks anon!! ❤️  Deleted Scene, no major fic spoilers. Just smut and dummies in love. READ THE FULL FIC HERE(X) 

   “Patience is a virtue, Hargrove.” Camille dangled the letter out of reach. Voice mocking his own sing song tone. She relished this. “One Tommy didn’t have clearly. I don’t think you’re ready for it.”

    “Hurry, just give it here. I’ve been ready.” Billy spoke in a huff, seated against the side of her bed. Camille savored this, swinging her legs. Playful. Inches from his head while she lie on her stomach along the mattress, propped up on her elbows. Folded note in hand. “I’ve waited weeks. This is early memory shit for us.”

    “Just behold it because your entire life is going to change. Big city Cali boy isn’t prepared for this prime time shit.” She winked and he snatched the letter. “Hey!” Camille reached over his shoulders. Smelled the products in his blond curls. “I wasn’t done teasing you.”

    “Never are. You taunted Tommy H about a drunken, dirty letter he wrote you at our first party together. This is relationship building shit we’re doing. Boyfriend gets access to filthy drone letters. Got it? I’ve only dreamed of what that dense as shit idiot wrote you. I’m reading it now.”

  “It’ll shock you. Tommy H was no poet but the boy had an imagination.”

  “We all do. Christ,” Billy just laughed, unfolding the paper. “I’m sure it was some silly Hustler bullshit. I just want to make fun of the sorry prick to myself. Let me have this. Got it? I’m reading this shit. I deserve to. Poor Carol probably never got off with the guy and he writes her damn friend a nasty letter when they took a break? Here it goes.”

  “Easy does it, you’re a wee lamb compared to this shit.”

  “Very funny.” Billy just rolled his eyes. Tommy H was a campy asshole who just talked big game. How bad could it be?

  Famous last words.

  “Dear Camille...” She’d jokingly recited. Billy finished the sentiment, diving in.

  “Listen, I’ll cut to the chase, you’re the hottest girl at Hawkins High.”

  “Yikes, I already feel bad again.” Camille winced. “Ugh. Asshole. And I was friends with the guy too. For years.”

  “Hey, I’m reading here.” Billy turned his head, the letter smoothed with both hands against his knee. Tommy’s messy, slanted penmanship filled the page with blue ink.

  “Geez, continue. I know this is the absolute highlight of your day.” Camille ruffled his hair in jest and earned a soft push.

  “I’m drunk. I’m so...drink…sorry, you’re too hot and I am...a drunk fuck. Just notice me. Could you ever look at me? Perfect Camille Harper with your soft skin and flowing hair. Princess shit. Floating down the hallways. Guys only dream of spinning you for seven minutes in heaven and we hang out but you don’t give my sorry ass the time. Shit, Cam. I’m drink as shit. Drink? Fuck, this guy kills me. Pathetic asshole.” Billy was still amused. Camille crossed her arms.

  “Told you, there were mistakes all over it.”

  “I still remember that pale purple-”

  “Lilac.” Camille rolled her eyes.

  “Guys don’t understand colors, Harpy, he gets a pass on that one.” Billy shrugged, reading on. “That pale purple shirt you wore last month. That lacy bra drove us all insane. So sheer that I could see your perfect nipples through the fabric. Man, did I want to kiss them all fucking day. I failed my math midterm over those babies. Worth it.” Billy snorted and peered up, his girlfriend shrugged.

  “I still have that shirt, you know? Legendary piece.” She had remarked, fiddling with a lock of brown hair. “And I’m sure my lovely chest was the only reason he failed.”

  “I mean, not to be a sap...but, your tits are dynamite.”

  “Aww. Babe, you’re such a romantic. When did I get so lucky?” She twisted his head away, entertained. “Go on. Might as well finish it. You’re getting to the good shit now.”

  “I’d open that silky shirt and lick all down your chest. Suck your little cherries until you couldn’t take it anymore. You’d beg, baby. I think about your fingers in my hair.” Billy shifted a little. Legs pressing together idly. The visual was kinda hot. Admittedly. Sue him for it. “Tear the...”

  “Oh, he spelled ‘buttons’ wrong.” Camille craned over his shoulder to see and Billy smelt the lotion and perfume on her skin. Enticing as always. A thin, red summer dress rode up her legs. He watched her bite into her bottom lip, enjoying this. Distracted him. “Well, go on.” The boy had to snap back, eyes on the page. Intent.

  “Tear the buttons off with my teeth. I think about how you’d moan, baby. Give me a chance and I’ll rock your entire world apart. Like that song about the hurricane.” They both broke to laugh. This was ridiculous. Right? Tommy H was just a horny asshole. Period. But, the boy could dream. “I’d keep sucking your nipples to perfect rosebuds and taste those big, slick lips. I get a semi when you apply that gloss in your locker mirror. Always thought you tasted like raspberries and cream... Well, he’s right there.”

  “Shut up.” Camille snatched the letter, blushing and entertained when Billy crawled over her to take it.

   “I wasn’t done with that, let Tommy speak. You know how hard it’ll be to not give him shit for this one?” He wedged his body against her own to keep her in place. A gasp filtered out.

   “You will never bring this up. I taunt, but this is deep shit here. Never to see the light of day.” Fingers plucked the note back so he craned his neck to the side and kept reading.

  “And yet, you kept it.” Billy licked his lips, head cocking.

   “Yeah, to laugh at him.”

   “Are you laughing now? ...Camille Harper, I’ve wanted you since sixth grade. I’ve wanted you since I knew what a dick could do. I won’t even fucking lie about that. Drop the asshole from the other school you’re seeing now and let me take you to the stars.”

  “Oh, god, this letter got worse with age. I can’t hear anymore.”

  Billy was heated and relentless at the present time.

  “I’d drive you up to Lover’s Lake. We could take a swim and get into the back of my car. I can show you a good time, just let me, babe.” Billy puffed, a crooked smile crossing his expression. Camille’s legs had shifted so he was pressed between them. Silence followed when his hips gave the smallest rut into her own. Oh. “I’d play with those perfect tits. Think about your big lips sucking me off in the back seat. Hair tight in my fist. God, I want you.”

   “Billy...” She gasped a little, suppressed a moan. His husky voice made it slightly less embarrassing. Slightly more hot.

   “...I’d make you feel so good. Get you nice and wet. Push your skirts up and slip my cock inside. You’d fit me like a fucking glove. Cry for more and I’d deliver.”

  “Ha. Funny, right?” Camille was breathless. Billy’s erection pressed into his jeans. Into her thigh. “Just...ridiculous. What an idiot.”

  “Ye...Yeah. Fuck this guy....yeah.” He swallowed a lump in his throat and scrambled off her. No fucking way was this shit working them up. Billy got onto the floor again. Legs still pressed. Tried to think of boring shit to cool himself off. No avail.

  “So stupid,” Camille crossed her arms. Humming idly. Eyes on the wall. Oh, no. Fuck this. “Let’s forget this-”

  “Hey, I’m almost to the end. Might as well.”

   “I mean, I guess. Whatever.” She blew air out her lips. Played coy. “If you insist.”

   “It’s whatever. I don’t care.”

   “I don’t either.” Camille scoffed at that. Billy only gave a snort.

   “The grammar, it’s killing me. I thought I had issues in school and...and ...I think about those tits bouncing when I’m trying to sleep at night. Always cum the hardest then. Bet you that my name sounds fucking amazing falling from your lips.”

   “Fat ass chance for that.” She scratched at her thigh. Left her palm there.

   "No shit. ...I’d...I’d make you scream it. Lick your entire body down until you let me eat that sweet pussy. Put my tongue inside you. Spit against your ass until… okay fuck, Camille. I’m going to say it. I’m fucking sick and I’m turned on… Are you turned on? Is this real?” Felt like he was going insane.

  “Psssh...no way!” Camille had one hand under her dress. Snatching it away. “Tommy H does...he doesn’t turn me on. Not in the slightest... Dumbass.”

  “He wrote some nasty shit here.” Billy squirmed. Eyes scanning. “Spelling mistakes aren’t turning me off though. Fuck.”

  “You’re...such a guy. It’s a good laugh, right?”

   Billy kept reading.

  “I’d even let you ride my face, baby. Queen needs her throne.” Billy went on, chuckling and fucking rock hard. He unzipped idly and slipped a hand into his jeans when Camille splayed back to see the ceiling.

   “The thought of your hot thighs wrapped around my head is a place I can die happy in. Just think about it, Camille, I’d...treat you like a fucking goddess. You got to open your eyes and notice me. I’d fuck you so hard. Make you beg for me. Maybe just once, you’d let me watch you play with yourself. Work those sexy fingers over your clit and nipples. I’d lick you up afterwards.” Camille’s hand was in her panties again, slipping against her soaked folds. Everything throbbed. Oh, this was wrong. Billy moaned, dropping the letter to work his own shaft.

  “Oh, fuck it. Come here already!” They both reeled, horny beyond belief. Camille was already digging for a condom to put on him. Dress hitching up. He didn’t even get his jeans off before she mounted him. Panties aside. Lungs gasping. Sinking down.

  “Shit, you feel so good.” Billy worked her hips into his, tugging her straps down to kiss her nipples. Hard buds between his teeth. “Fucker had a point. I hate him.”

  “Shut up, Billy,” Camille cried out, one arm around his shoulders. Free hand grasping his wrist while he palmed her bottom. She bounced, needy against him. Kissing his neck and mouth. Tongue sweeping flesh.

  “Fucking shit, I’m not lasting.” Billy thrust up, bucking like an animal into her clenched walls. He closed his eyes. Savored her. Head tipped back. Thought of her mouth. Thought of how she tasted and moaned when he touched her just right. “What...What did the rest of that letter say?”

  Photographic memory came in handy.

  “Camille, I want to fuck you so bad. Let me. Let me touch you.” She panted. Riding him hard and fast. Sunlight caught her face when it streamed between curtains. Illuminated. Billy was lost. “I’d make you come again and again. Treat you right. Just give me a chance. Oh, fuck! And I’ll prove it to you. All the cards are dealt, the next move is all yours. Wear that silky shirt for me again and I’ll know you want me too. I’ll be the one peeling it off later. -Tommy. Your willing drone, queen bee. Oh, fuck, shit, Tommy! Oh god, Tommy!” Truthfully, it didn’t sound half bad coming out. Whoops.

  “Don’t moan his fucking name while I’m inside you. What the shit, Camille?” Billy’s teeth crushed. He still didn’t let up. Grabbing a fistful of dark hair.

  “You asked! I couldn’t...help it.” She whined, mouth in his neck. “Billy! Just fuck me.”

  “Better... I’m there.” He groaned, unable to stop it. Mouth agape. Rare occasion when he came rutting early like the fucking teenage boy he was.

   Tommy H did this shit. Billy loathed that soft, freckled bitch.

   Climax rushed all through his veins. Made his thrusting erratic. Billy hitched with a loud curse, falling back against the side of her bed. This was not real.

   “Shit, Camille. Get up, I’ll finish you.” Hands pulled her off his shaft, forcing a whine from her lips. One smooth leg hitched up onto the bed, bent while the other stretched to touch the floor.

   Inches from his face, she quivered. The fabric of her dress was forced back up, ruin panties torn before he was nestling her folds against his lips. Sloppy kisses ached. Hands squeezed her thighs and Camille moaned louder, palms braced into the mattress.

  “Billy, oh...my god.” That wicked tongue lapped and swirled. Fingers pressed into her bottom so she was grinding against him. Riding his face. Bright eyes closed while he tormented her to no end.

   The way Tommy fantasized from the start.

  “Come for me, Camille, that’s it. That feel good?” He spat against her. Pushed two fingers inside, curved them into a sensitive spot. Roughly worked her while she clamped down around the digits. She played with her nipples and cried out. Lips opened to suckle her clit. His free hand still got her hips to move into him. Arousal dripped all down his chin.

   Queen needed her throne for sure. Oh, Tommy. No.

  “I’m going to fucking come,” her tone hitched up to warn him. This high was unlike any other they shared. Hips rutting until he could scarcely breathe. Trapped between her thighs and the mattress.

  Heaven.

  “Billy, don’t stop. I’m right...there. Oh, shit. Fuck. Billy! I’m coming!” Her voice just cut.

  Oh, Tommy. Yes.

  Billy fucked her with his fingers and lashed his tongue against her, kissing obscenely and suckling harder until her entire body locked. Quaking. Thighs shuddering. Fingers ripped for the comforter. Billy licked softer as if to clean her off and eased her back down into his lap.

  Camille was twitching and grasping at his shoulders. They shared a wet, lazy kiss. In Tommy’s honor, of course. Her head tipped back. Wet chest heaving.

  “Holy shit.”

  “Yeah...holy fucking shit.” Billy swiped the letter aside while Camille got her breath back. Lungs leveling. They enjoyed the bliss of release and sighed together. “Look. Tommy fucking H...can never fucking know he did this to us. Ever.”

  “Oh, fuck, no he can’t. Prick. Never ever.” Camille was bright pink. She could kiss that idiot at this point. Billy’s chest rose and fell when she leaned into him. Burrowed in that scent she adored. Buried into his neck. “That shithead. His stupid letter. Could’ve make more mistakes.”

  “Guy is a fucking asshole.” Billy agreed when she came out from him. He licked his lips. Played it cool. “Did...he write you anything else?” Camille hummed, playfully kissing his lips.

  “You will never know.”

  “At least wear the famous shirt for me, babe.” Those baby blue eyes sparkled. “Come on, Camille. I’ll be so good for you. Your willing sex drone.”

  “As if that’s within your range of function.”

  “Have time to prove it to you.” He teased, mouth on her cheek.

  “The stupid shirt can wait, my legs won’t move.” Came her next whine. Billy laughed at that, nuzzling his face up into her throat to place more lingering kisses to sensitive skin. Teeth nipped once.

  “He can’t know about this, but I owe that fucker a beer.”

  “Can’t stand you,” Camille pushed off him to crawl into bed. Dress scrunched around her thighs when she sprawled out. Billy zipped up and joined her on his back. They shared the beat. He looked up at the fan spinning above while she took in his profile. Stunning.

  “What?” His gaze swept toward her own. Billy realized that maybe Carol had something to brag about with this fucker. Guy was creative. And giving it seemed. On paper.

  “Nothing.” Camille had suppressed a giggle, inching to curl into his body. One muscled arm came out to sweep her form into his. “Just a weird...but, also good day.”

  “No shit.” Billy’s free hand went behind his head. “Keep those freak fantasies coming. We can act more out.”

  “Not happening.”

  “You think he has like a whole secret spank bank dedicated to you?” Billy considered it. “I might have to kick his ass too...after the beer.”

  “Such a boyfriend.” Camille only mumbled into his shoulder. “I let you read the damn letter. You can stop whining about it now.” Billy shifted more into her. Smirking. Sly eyes alight and steady.

  “Camille,” he’d purred, “I’m thinking that a follow-up reading is coming. Just to, you know, really capture the spirit of it. I’m sure that I missed a few things. Mistakes and whatever. You get it?”

  “Oh, Billy,” Camille came up to kiss his cheek, “in your dreams.” Lips tugged at that.

  Yeah, he definitely owed Tommy H a beer.

  “You got that right, Harpy.”

Peter’s a new CIA agent, Tony’s already been an agent for few years, they keep trying to outdo each other for missions and eventually hate fuck? no obligations to write it of course, only if u like it

I loveeedddd this prompt!!! We need more bamf Peter in our lives. 

Tony doesn’t need the coupons to the Chinese restaurant on the edge of town.

He doesn’t need them because he’s Tony Stark. He’s one of the best CIA agents (albeit, a bit of a maverick, but Fury must love it really), a genius, and has enough money to bid on antique cars in his spare time. He’s not some struggling college student doing suverys online to earn a few bucks.

He doesn’t need the coupons

But that’s not the point.

The point is, he’s always won them. Every month. Every month since the birth of this stupid game.

It’s just a bet between the field agents- who gets the most cases completed within each month wins. It’s fun. It’s fun because Tony always wins. He’s always way out in front because, quite frankly, he’s brilliant and he can always sweet talk Pepper into writing up his case files for him so he doesn’t have to bother about any of the actual boring stuff.

“Better watch out,” Rhodey grins, shovelling noodles into his mouth as he sits at his desk on their lunch break. “The new guy is catching up to you and fast.”

Tony glares but doesn’t say anything. The new guy in question is the newest agent- he’s only joined formally four days ago but already, he’s solved 3 cases. Tony’s sitting fairly comfortably on six, Rhodey’s on 2 and Steve is on 3. But Steve’s had a whole week to get three- this new guy has had four days.

Peter fucking Parker. Tony had lusted after hated him the very second he’d laid eyes on him. The man- no, no the boy, because he looks obscenely young. He’s all fresh faced and wide eyed in a way that suggests he’s just stumbled out of a forest full of fairies into the blinking sunlight and he is not fit to be an agent.


Not physically, obviously. Physically, Agent Parker is quite the specimen. He’s all lean muscle and compactness despite his smaller stature and he has quick, clever eyes and a half smile that Tony absolutely refuses to even think about.

“Are you talking about Peter?” Steve chirps cheerfully, looking up from his stack of paper work (because of course he’s working at lunch). “I was on watch duty with him last night. He’s a great guy, we should invite him to our Saturday poker games.”

“No.” Tony snaps immediately, “We are not doing that.”

Steve sighs. “What imagined slight is it now?”

Rhodey chuckles. “Tony’s scared the new guy-“

“His name is Peter.”

“-is gonna beat his case record this month.”

“I am not worried about that.” He grumbles, getting up and refusing to give them the satisfaction of watching him squirm. “I have six. He has three. That’s double. I have double what he has and I am not worried at all. Okay?”

The door to the bullpen opens and Peter walks in; all vested up and clearly about to leave to- to what? Close another fucking case? He’s a vision in black combat boots and the bullet proof vest and and he looks slightly trepidatious but happy to see them. “Hey guys, is Fury in his office?”

“Yeah, I think he’s waiting for you.” Steve says because he’s a friendly traitorous bastard and Tony might just have to uninvite him from their weekly poker nights.

“Cool, thanks! Woah- are those noodles? They smell amazing.”

Rhodey grins, holding up the box. “Best in town.”

Peter turns to wink at Tony, voice dropping to a whisper. “I’ll have to try them. I love Chinese.”

Tony stares after him; gaping. “Did you hear that?” He hisses, turning to Steve and Rhodey as they stare up at him in confusion. “He just- he just threatened me!”

“What?” The blond scoffs, “you need more sleep.”

“No, he just- he insinuated that he was going to win this month. I heard him. That little bastard thinks he can outdo me his first month here. Well,” he laughs, shaking his head determinedly, “he’s got another thing coming. I’m the best agent in the whole goddamn CIA-“

“That’s debatable.” Rhodey interjects, but Tony does what he usually does and ignores him.

“-And some bambi-eyed little fucker is not better than me. No one is.”

Steve mouths ‘bambi-eyed’ to himself and Rhodey shoves another load of noodles into his mouth.

Tony works hard because he likes to succeed. He works harder knowing that there’s some competition. He buys Pepper a new handbag and employs another task team and cracks down on two drug lords in the top 100 list and Fury gives him a, well, not quite a smile, but an almost smile and Tony is feeling pretty damn good.

Until he walks into the bullpen to see the board.

Peter’s on 12.

He stares at it, and then someone is clapping his shoulder and it’s the little shit himself. He’s clearly on desk duty today, in a smart white button down and he looks surprisingly soft. “Sorry, buddy,” he says cheerfully, but he doesn’t sound sorry at all. “I know you’ve been working really hard.”

“Okay, little boy blue, first off, I’m not your buddy.” Tony begins, shaking Peter’s hand off him and turning to stare down at him. The boy looks up with a cocky grin; eyes alight with glee at Tony’s tone like he enjoys this. Like seeing Tony all riled up and angry is part of his, no doubt, evil plan. “And second, you’re experiencing what’s commonly known as beginners luck. It will inevitably fade, as will you, in the face of my far superior intellect.”

“Oh, wow,” Peter breathes with mock-awe. “I can’t wait to see that, Agent Stark. Is your superior intellect the amazing-“ he squints at the board, “five cases you’ve sold? Five is- wow. It’s a prime number, you know. But you probably already knew that. What with being a genius and all. Is 12 a prime number? I don’t think it is but,” he shrugs faux-bashfully, sliding his hands into his pockets and smirking with his ridiculously pink mouth, “you’re the one with the superior intellect so I wouldn’t wanna intrude.”

Tony wants to punch him.

He always wants to kiss him. Just a little.

“You’re like a young me.” He says instead, “think you’ve got it all, and you know what, you almost do. But there’s only one thing better than a young me, and that’s an older me.”

“I am completely lost.”

“You will lose.” Tony snarls, storming out of the room and feeling the amused weight of Peter’s gaze on his back the whole way.

Unfortunately, he’s underestimated his competitor.

Pepper’s gone.

“What do you mean you’re gone?” He nearly wails into the phone, and she laughs.

“Tony, really, it’s only for the next two weeks. Peter was so sweet giving me his spot on the Bahamas mission. Really, it’s lovely here. Oh, we’re staying at the most gorgeous resort.”

“That little shit.”

“What?”

“He’s played you, Peps! He’s playing us!”

“Tony, please. He’s such a sweetheart. Oh! You should invite him to one of our poker nights and-“

“I’m not going to invite him! He purposely drove you away so you wouldn’t be here before the month ends! Don’t you see? It’s all a plan. He doesn’t want me getting any more cases closed because then he’ll lose the coupons.” He rests his head against the wall and wonders when his life got so hard.

He can hear the ocean behind Pepper’s exasperated voice. “Let me get this straight. You think Peter Parker is manipulating you and everyone around you so that he can get coupons to that Chinese place?”

It sounds ever-so-slightly ridiculous when she says it like that. “That’s about the gist of it.”

“The food there isn’t even that good.”

“It’s not about the food, it’s about the principle! Long story short, I need you on the next flight back home.”

She sounds fond, but firm. “Goodbye, Tony.”

“Pepper, I am being serious-“

“I will buy you Chinese.” She insists, before he’s left with the dialling tone.

Two weeks. He has two weeks.

And he really goes for it. He ends up writing out a lot of his own cases himself, pulling all nighters and burying his head in the rhythm of it all. Steve even feels a little bad and takes a few papers off his hands to help him while Rhodey watches and makes jokes. He manages to talk Fury into giving him a third task team and though managing three separates ones is like juggling with swords and snakes, he manages to do it.

He’s spread thin, but as the month draws to a close he’s broken his own personal record. 21 Cases Solved.

Actually- he follows Pierce out onto the balcony, he should be able to make that 22.

Pierce is in no mood for games, but Tony’s got backup on the way and a gun in his hand, even though he really doesn’t want to use it. It’s a cold night and the other man is clearly petrified and Tony fucking has him when-

Pierce drops to the ground solidly and behind him, is a very smug, annoyingly pretty, Peter Parker.

“Hiya, Tony,” Peter grins breathlessly, kneeling down to cuff Pierce’s limp form. Peter looks a little flushed, his nose red from the chilly air, but triumph is radiating off him in proud waves. “You looked like you needed a little help.”

Tony shrugs, trying to look casual and not like he’s shocked that Peter is here. “Whatever. It’s still my case.”

“I don’t think so, actually,” Peter says, with the falsest sympathy Tony has ever heard. “See, I actually already had my inquest into being the chief lead on Pierce’s tail, and because I filed it before you did- Fury approved me and not you.” He presses his lips together, looking like he’s desperately trying not to laugh. “I’ll tell him how much help you were, though.”

Disbelief and anger is coursing through Tony’s veins. But still, there’s no way that-

Peter gets to his feet, hauling Pierce up with him. “I think this makes 22.” He says happily, winking at Tony. “We were neck and neck, but I guess, in the end, the better man-“

Tony’s had enough. He swings wildly but Peter neatly ducks the punch and drops Pierce’s body on the floor.

“You’re a sore loser,” Peter points out, positively beaming. “See, Agent Stark, if you ever wanna make a good impression somewhere, you have to beat whoever’s at the top. I gotta say, I thought it’d be harder.”

Tony is so fucking attracted to this little shit. “Harder?” he spits, “You just said we were neck and neck.”

“Yeah,” Peter hums, rocking back on his heels, “but I wasn’t really trying. You’re very nice to watch when you’re working. Such intensity. I like your hands.”

Tony manages to resist the urge to look down at his own hands. “I hate you.”

Peter throws his head back with a carefree laugh. “That’s too bad. It’s gonna make dinner awkward.”

Pepper’s right about the Chinese place. The food isn’t very good.

But somehow, eating it with Peter and watching him pay with the coupons he definitely cheated to win, makes everything taste just a little bit better.

The Grind- Chapter 25

I figured parking the bike in the garage out of plain sight would be my best bet, just in case Tia spaced and happen to pass by Revel’s and let Livvy catch site of me there. As far as she knew, Cal and I were out at the pub for the first preseason Steelers game, grabbing a couple beers. I drafted Tia to persuade her into one measly night off from the unforgiving jump ropes and speedbags to go to some unrealistic, sickening, fucking chick-flick, and maybe allow her a drink. My real whereabouts had to remain unsuspected, at least for now. I planned on filling her in on all the secrets tomorrow night, and pray to God that it didn’t send her spiraling into a hissy fit just 5 days before her match with the Franklin Park gal.

I had never lied this much to anyone in my damn life, which didn’t make the fact that Liv was the victim, any easier. I had prodded through her phone, snuck out on the porch two or three times in the last week to ‘check the mailbox’ that I had already emptied earlier in the day, so I could return a missed call. I bought plane tickets with my Paypal so she wouldn’t see the transactions, and paid Mac $200 to play chauffeur to the airport, all behind the back of the woman in my life. It was for her own good, and for my own peace of mind.

I opted to reach out to Liz first, stealing her number from her daughter’s phone contacts, figuring if she and Tony were anything like my own parents, the lady of the house called the shots. I pleaded with her best I knew how, to promise we keep my little master plan hidden from Liv, and in typical female fashion, she whispered “oooh’s” and “awwww’s” about how I was just ‘too sweet and romantic for my own good.” Shit, you got a lot to learn about me, lady.

They flew in early this morning, and I gave Mac all their hotel info to pass along when he picked them up, so I could spend the day with Liv in peace, not having to duck out to answer a thousand phone calls. The Elliott’s weren’t happy about my fitting the bill for their visit to the ‘Burgh, but I insisted on treating them like royalty for the week they’d be in my city. Anyone with Livvy’s blood in their veins, deserved to be considered as such. No matter how strained the healing relationship between the three of them was, Tony and Liz were still her parents, and I’d give them that respect. Sure, the way they handled some situations with their daughter was lightyears beyond fucking foolish if you ask me, but that wasn’t my battle to fight.

I figured Revel was a happy medium for dinner on their first night. It was just hoity enough to impress them, but not stuffy enough to overwhelm them. I had to scoot Liv out the door first, knowing the dress pants and button up Ralph Lauren would’ve been a dead give away into my long list of fabrications this week. I had to work one-on-one with Tia to organize everything, directing her to keep my lady out late so I could get home first and change inconspicuously. But threaten her not to get Liv completely bombed so she wouldn’t be hung over for the surprise breakfast with her parents tomorrow morning. I only booked their hotel room for two nights, in hopes that this whole shebang wouldn’t pop off in my damn face, and Livvy would let the two of them finish out their visit at our place.

Once my helmet was strapped and locked to the bike, I turned the corner into the main lobby of the restaurant to make my way to the hostess chair. I made sure my guests were seated already, and followed the direction to our corner table, wiping two very sweaty hands on the inside lining of my slacks.

God, please don’t let them laugh me out of this place.

It was like looking straight into the face of Liv in 25 years when I locked eyes with Elizabeth, besides the blonde color of her hair, not matching her child’s now darker strands. I guess I hadn’t noticed the stark resemblance over the video chat. I smiled at the two of them, I could feel it was awkward and forced but I hoped they’d return the gesture regardless. The couple stood, and I greeted the lady first, doing my best to always mind the Ritter manners.

“So nice to meet you in person, Mrs. Eliiott. You and Livvy might as well be twins! I’m uh… I’m Colton.” Her smile wasn’t the warm, sunny one I’d grown so fond of with Liv, but she was kind enough.

Tony, patiently standing to my right, observed every little inch I moved. Typical of the father to a girl, I assumed.

“Oh, Colton, it is very nice to meet you finally. And you look so sharp!” Liz held my hand between both of hers, to appreciate the treasure of a man who could dress himself with some sense these days.

“Thank ya’, ma’am,” I blushed awkwardly. Compliments were never my strong suit.

“And Mr. Elliott, how are ya’ sir? Nice to see you.” I turned on the masculine shake when approaching her dad. My own father engrained the importance of a firm grip greeting as soon as I could talk.

“Enough with the formal stuff, Colton. Call me Tony. Although, I can admire the respect you have for your elders. To be honest, I didn’t expect such from a guy who beats people up for a living.”

Happy to shatter your stereotypical idea of me, man. But, I’d still break the nose of any fucker in this entire place who breathed the wrong way.

“Don’t let the scarred knuckles fool ya’, sir. I’m not a complete wild animal,” I tried to joke.

We sat, waiting to order, each scanning over the menu in tongue-tied silence before Liz finally broke the plain. “So, did Liv ever catch you in this big scheme, Colton? Does she know we’re here yet?”

“Actually, she’s completely clueless. Or, just letting on to be. But, she seems to be in the dark still. Ain’t real sure how I pulled it off, honestly. She usually reads me like a damn book.” I huffed with a scratchy laugh, quickly scolding myself internally for slipping a swear word.

“And this fight? Was it your idea? I mean, did you want her to get involved with it like you are?” Tony folded his menu, assumingly decided on his dinner choice, and focused he folded hands towards me. His tenor seemed almost snarky, but I was sure he hadn’t meant it that way, remembering Liv say he seemed somewhat excited over the idea.

“Actually, I hated the thought from the get-go. I lost my mind just when I thought it was all for fun. I begged her not to take it. But, you know 2-1 as well as I do. She shut me up real quick.”

“2-1?” Her mother cocked a confused smile of question.

“Oh, uhhh.. yeah. It’s just a little nickname I call her. She wears this old ratty hoodie around all the time with the number on the back. So, the name just kinda stuck.” I scratched my head before taking a generous gulp of water to lower the temperature of my smothering, sweating armpits.

“She talks about ball then? I mean, you’ve heard some about her days as a Warrior?” Tony interjected with round eyes.

“Definitely. I know it all, Mr. Elli… uh, Tony. We play sometimes on Sundays at this park down from our house. She kills me by 15+ every time.”

He smiled bittersweetly at the idea of his all-star with a ball in her hands again. And I, wanted to hit him for being so blind to the fact that she had so many other talents to be proud of, if he would just live in the now and see it.

Between our main course, and the dessert I ordered after listening to Liz read over the description in the menu more than three times, her dad brought up the inevitable. The “thing I wanted to talk to them about.”

“Okay, Colton. Now that you’ve treated us to that perfectly cooked slab of red meat, what did you want to talk with us about? Something to do with this fight, I’m sure.”

I swished another drink of water, although it was missing the bite of bourbon that I needed so fucking badly.

“Yeah, you could say that, I guess…” I answered him vaguely.

“Everything is okay though? You’re not worried for her anything, are you?” Elizabeth chimed in, sweeping a hair behind her ear, just the way Liv does.

“I’m worried for her, only because I love her. And when you walk up those steel steps, you’re takin’ a risk no matter who you are. But your daughter, she can hold her own. I see that now.” I reiterated to myself as much as her parents sitting across from me.

Tony and Liz looked away from me, now towards each other in both confusion and concern at my lack of response to the burning question of the entire damn night.

Being the coward I fucking am, and my very typical struggle for the right words, I did the only thing I knew to do that would clear the air, and satisfy their curiosity. I wriggled around in my seat, trying to loosen the opening of my pocket so I could reach in for the tiny, purple velvet box that had been burning a hole there since I left the house a couple of hours ago.

I neatly and gently placed it closer their side of the perfectly set table, and then looked down to fidget with my fingers. 

Her mom, the feminine instinct in her realizing immediately what was inside, reached for the box first, eagerly. A hand covered her opened jaw once she caught site of the custom cut, octagon shaped diamond, seated inside a silver band. The price was kept inside the secret space of a lock box I kept at the top of the closet, way beyond my housemates reach, to remind myself of the success that had allowed me to purchase something so extravagant, still not living up to what Liv really deserved. The jeweler laughed at the bizarre suggestion I had for an octagon shaped engagement diamond, but there was no convincing me into anything else. The cage was the very reason our relationship even began. Well, that along The Grind. And Drew and I had plans for that later. 

“Colton, speak up, son.” Tony leaned over to witness what had so thoughtfully touched his wife in the square shaped box. I couldn’t read his reaction, which sent my nerves straight to shit.

“Tony, I adore your daughter. That goes without sayin’….” I pasued, planning out every word in my head before I said it out loud. “I hurt her awhile back, something I still beat myself up over, and I never, ever want to see her cry like that again. I have issues of my own with anger, and I throw tantrums sometimes, but Livvy is my calm, ya’ know? She’s made me into this man who actually feels more than hate… and…. resentment. I would walk in front of a train for her, if it came to that.”

They sat very still in their seats, Liz wiping a tear here and there with the corner of her black cloth napkin, and Tony only furrowed his forehead, paying close attention to my professions.

“I didn’t know people were actually capable a’ lovin’ somebody else like this, but as soon as I think I love Livvy as much as anybody possibly could, she goes and proves my ass wrong.”

Strike two for sayin’ ass, Ritter. Liv’s gonna wash your mouth out with soap.

“I’m askin’ kindly, for a blessing from the two of you to ask Liv to marry me. It would mean a great deal to me, and I value the opinions of you both. But, if you can’t give it to me, I apologize, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life with your beautiful daughter no matter what. If she’ll have me.” I finished.

I had enough of my pop in me to know that asking for approval of the father was the right thing to do. But I had just enough thick-headed asshole in me, that I had decided on kneeling for Liv’s hand regardless of their approval. When your life once was a pathetic waste, and your mind is a dingy, manic hole like mine, you cling to any light like a fuckin’ firefly to flame. Liv was my chance, my reason. She was my light, and addiction.

“I think I can speak for Lizzie here too, when I say the respect you’ve shown us by asking, speaks a lot about your character. But Colton, this all seems a bit… rushed? I mean, it wasn’t long ago she was sitting in our dining room, explaining to us she had to flee the city for a week just to try and get some peace of mind after the way you hurt her. Now, the two of you are living together, and thinking about marriage?” Tony said.

“You’re exactly right. And, if Liv tells me she isn’t ready, then I’ll learn some patience and wait ‘til she is. But, as much as you love Mrs. Elliott here, I’m sure you’re familiar with the saying ‘when you know, you know’….”

I knew I was going to be pining for the girl the second I laid eyes on her static striken, matted hait that morning at the coffee shop. And I knew it again, the minute she walked out of Mac’s gym that night. As soon as the lingering of her sweet perfume had dissipated from that hallway, I felt my heart harden like cement.  

“Tony, you know was well as I do that Liv would want this. She loves him. Any time the sting from a breakup is as deep as she said it was, it’s meant to be.” I smiled to her mom for supporting the decision that her stern husband was still wrestling with.

There was silence while Liz devoured the chocolate desert the waiter had brought, offering me a taste, and once the check was delivered to me, an answer from the pair was still unknown.

“If ya’ want, you guys think it over. I know it’s a hefty decision,” I reasoned levelheaded.

“No need, Colton. My Livvy would never forgive me if she knew I didn’t give you my blessing.. If she loves you, and wants a life with you, well….then welcome to the family, boy.” Tony smiled, sliding the ring back, and I stood following his lead, to hug them both.

The most perfect, gorgeous, fuckin’ green eyed, smiley woman on this God forsaken earth, was going to share my last name. 

tags: @torialeysha @eap1935 @littleluna98 @mollybegger-blog

Roleplay Server Log #340

“Prince Is Rude, Aqua is Upset, Cp is Punished”

[MA] -Comes approaching the group with a sour expression, hooks the crook in his staff around one of Prince's shoulders- Who's he hurt the feelings of this time?

[Prince] You wound me, MA. I merely state facts.

[MA] You're a rude old man. I know you.

[Doc] Buff, a little bit.

[Yaunfen] He hit my cat!

[Doc] What the fuck Prince.

[Prince] The cat deserved it.

[MA] -Blank stare for a second before sighing intensely-  Sorry about the cat, bud. Not the best with animals. And. -Rounds on Prince- Apologize to Buff.

[Prince] I have nothing to apologize for, it was the truth.

[Buff] It's... okay.... - twiddles huge fingers- He's old... I don't want to be rude....

[Yaunfen] Makes a very obvious 'haha you got in trouble face' at Prince.

[MA] No, it's not okay. Apologize! -Turns Prince's head with his staff toward Buff and taps foot expectantly-

[Prince] I only apologize if it's untrue. -He sticks his nose up at Buff-

[Buff] I'll just go... help Deerheart or something....

[MA] -Shoves Prince a bit at Buff with an exasperated sigh- Don't make me go get Mix.

[Prince] -Aggravated sigh- Fine. I apologize, Buff. -He clearly doesn't mean it-

[Buff] Pained smile- that's okay-

[Yaunfen] No! You gotta mean it! It doesn't count otherwise!

[Prince] -His own sour look- I will only mean it when shown otherwise.

[MA] Or when the guilt eats you up.

[Prince] As if it would. -Shrugs the staff off his shoulder and stalks off-

[MA] It will. I'm sorry about him, Buff. He's a cranky old man constantly. -Slings staff to his own shoulder-

[Buff] It's fine.

[Doc] Pats his huge shoulder- We know you're not a meathead.

[MA] ...He called you a meathead?

[Buff] quietly- yeah... kinda...

[Doc] Should I be concerened about this one Ma? He's seems a bit... mean.

[Yaunfen] And rude!

[MA] He's just a bit set in his mindset. He's not very physically violent here so far so I think it'll be fine.

[Doc] He better not be or I'll stomp him.

[Lie] Is looking at a piece of chourus while standing in the shallows of Hera's bay-

[Herabrine] -jaws theme as the gigantic guardian cruises slowly along the shoreline-

[Lie] - I see you there

[Herabrine] Goes straight down like a submarine and flips her tail ever so slightly to flick 5-6 individual pixels of water at Lie.

[Lie] Laughs a little before lowering the plant in her hand into the water to see if she can alter it-

[Herabrine] Is watching her from juuuuust below the surface-

[Lie] Watches as the chourus becomes more porous and lightweight-

[Herabrine] Even bigger eyeball-

[Lie] Frowns a little- I'm not sure this is right...  Damnit, I wish I knew what things looked like on Aqua's seed...

[Herabrine] Rises up to the surface and transforms, floating on her back with her arms out- Okay, I give up. What are you doing with that useless teleportation fruit?

[Lie] - Trying to make the water a bit more like what Aqua is used to.  Their end must have been filled with an aquatic version of this plant.  Besides, it would be another plant for the water

[Herabrine] But what's it supposed to look like?

[Lie] - That's just it, I don't know

[Herabrine] You could make a small version of the plants?

[Lie] - Yeah...  Maybe...

[Herabrine] You better make sure it doesn't tp if you eat it either. I'd hate for Aqua to randomly tp over onto the land.

[Lie] - Good point...  Guess I'll be doing a fair amount of experimenting with this one...

[Herabrine] So what's new? -grins- You working on a cozy little bubble nest?

[Lie] - No!  No... I think CP's gonna be doing most of the building.  I think he's rather nervous and looking for an outlet

[Herabrine] As long as the outlet isn't punching people, I think we're good. Heh!

[Lie] - I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we're having a girl

[Herabrine] I'm glad. There's enough guys on this server.

[Lie] - Yeah- She pulls her hands out of the water and looks at the malformed plant in her hand- Ech...

[Herabrine] That's bad....

[Lie] - Yeah that's going into the lava pit

[Herabrine] Toss it up in the air, I'll take care of it-

[Lie] - Alright- She tosses it up a decent ways

[Aqua] Bumps Hera from below-

[Herabrine] Is bumped but still manages to fry the tangled mess into nothing with her beam weapon. - Hey Aqua.

[Aqua] Trills at the two of them-

[Lie] - I think he heard his name

[Herabrine] Goes for the head scratch on Aqua, she's pretty much spawled on his head anyway- He gets bored.

[Lie] - I wonder if we could tether some toys around for him to play with...

[Herabrine] I've got some simple stuff he can mess with and I try to swim with him at least once a day.

[Lie] - That's good

[Aqua] Makes a chirping noise as he notices a lobster-

[Herabrine] Follows his gaze- Look at that unsuspecting bug.... git it!

[Aqua] Immediately dives for it, dumping Hera back into the water-

[Herabrine] Floats back up and hovers over the surface of the water, cheering Aqua on-

[Aqua] Snags the lobster and rushes for the surface with it-

[Herabrine] At least he gets a kick out of hunting for some of the critters we do have. I don't think he eats the sea dragons, but he does chase them.

[Lie] - So long as he doesn't get in Basil's way...

[Herabrine] Basil is suprisingly slow, and Aqua can corner better then him too. Besides, the big fucker has been a bit more relaxed since Doc revived the sea dragons. He eats himself silly and then just chills on the bottom in the really deep water.

[Lie] - That would explain why I don't see him as often anymore

[Herabrine] He's staying farther down the coast too. Sometimes I hear this bellowing noise and he comes up and gets near the shore but I've never been fast enough to see what's making it.

[Lie] - A bellowing noise?

[Herabrine] Yeah, kinda like when the mammoths are being noisy?

[Lie] - Weird, maybe Doc knows?

[Herabrine] I wouldn't be suprised. -grins- They're a nosy little fucker.

[Lie] - If not the instigator

[Herabrine] Waves at Aqua, trying to get them to surface-

[Aqua] Pops back up, tilting their head in curiosity-

[Herabrine] You're kinda psychic Lie, try to communicate with the big guy. Ask him what kinda plants would be good. Since some of the dragons sorta respawn through their egg drops, he might have some instinct you can tap into.

[Lie] - I can try...- She reaches out mentally and brushes against the dragons mind.  What she finds is a surprisingly barricaded mind- Well that's weird.  His mind is blocked...

[Herabrine] Tries with her own abilities and pushes a bit harder- Come on Aqua, you trust me, right?

[Aqua] Snaps at them, nervous about what they are doing-

[Herabrine] Flies a bit out of the way- Aqua?

[Aqua] Swims away-

[Lie] - I wonder what that was about...

[Herabrine] That was weird.

[Lie] - Maybe it has something to do with his End?

[Herabrine] I hope he's happy here at least. His egg was left behind. Maybe the player that took him out before was particularly brutal?

[Lie] - I don't know, maybe we could investigate someday

[Herabrine] Floats over closer to Lie- I'm not even sure how we could find out what happened.

[Lie] - There have to be clues somewhere

[Herabrine] Maybe? You ever want to go back there, I'm the person to take with you.

[Lie] - Oh absolutely, but maybe wait till after the baby is born

[Herabrine] Well yeah... that could be a while. Man.... you're gonna be so miserable. Poor thing. I saw how it went with Aven. Waddling around like she was gonna pop. Laying eggs is the way to go.

[Lie] - Yeah humans aren't designed for that

[Herabrine] shrugs- It works for some of the Testificates and they're mostly shaped like humans.

[Lie] - Yeah yeah...  I'm a little surprised CP hasn't come to check on me yet though

[Herabrine] Just enjoy the brief quiet before the next explosion.

[Lie] - True- She starts heading towards the shore- How's Maggie?

[Herabrine] oh, you know. Hot, bouncy, she doesn't have much going on upstairs. But it's okay, she's a low stress pet. How's Hope and all your Pokemon?

[Lie] - Rambuncious, well other than the Rvulpix...

[Herabrine] Still working on that one huh? Poor neurotic little thing.

[Lie] - It is getting better, it recently got on the bed while CP was there too

[Herabrine] Awww. You know...? Did you ever find out what gender they both are? I know it's neither here nor there, but I bet Silver could tell you which is what.

[Lie] - Er, no actually...  Are you just hoping for baby vulpix's?

[Herabrine] Nah, I'm betting they're both guys or both girls or that would have happened already.

[Lie] - Good point.  The Lileep is just really content in the greenhouse...  I honestly sometimes forget it's there and it surprises me

[Herabrine] Well it is a prehistoric plant cloned from a fossil and taken into a lower poly game. It's probably happy to just chill out. Have you seen Doc's chomplies lately? They sneak up on people and give raspberries in unison: its delightfully annoying.

[Lie] - No, I haven't actually been over there in awhile.  I've been busy with my house guests

[Herabrine] It's not just them either. Pokemon are weird. Doc's Exeggutor just stands on the shore  sometimes and stares off into the water. Considering that it's supposed to be psychic, I can't help but wonder what a three-headed tree monster thinks about.

[Lie] - I don't think I want to know.  Who knows it might be trying to communicate with Espurr

[Herabrine] don't forget Lapras and Milotec are out there in the water too. I'm glad they seem to get along okay.

[Lie] - Yeah I usually see them playing over by Stevie's place...  And they occasionally capsize Stevie's boat if he's fishing

[Herabrine] laughs - I'm guilty of that too! He makes the most hilarious noises when you startle him.

[Lie] - So CP says

[Herabrine] Eh, I make up for it though. I chase big fish into his little pond when I'm bored and they get stuck.

[Lie] - That is helpful, especially for feeding Milotic...  Although I think I recall Alexis saying something about them having too many fish from Milotic bringing them to them

[Herabrine] Waves a hand- then she has an excuse to visit Alexsezia and give her some. She doesn't get out of the house much.

[Lie] - You'd be surprised.  The number of times I'd swing by her place on the other server and she wasn't there was pretty often.  She can be sneaky as fuck when she wants to be

[Herabrine] No, I mean Alexsezia doesntget out much. She seems to go questing for materials once in a blue moon and then stay home crafting and farming for weeks on end. She hardly walks farther then it takes to feed the one live horse.  

[Lie] - Yeah, I guess your right...  Maybe you guys should do an "alex" outing again

[Herabrine] Not a bad thought... Though Alexis still doesn't trust me from the last time!

[Lie] - Well maybe I'll join you guys this time

[Herabrine] Perhaps...  Though you may have to restrain me a little - laughs- TLOT gave me a present... Some of his special cheese. That shits delicious.

[Lie] - I hate that stuff!  It reeks!

[Herabrine] you're weird. All the other brines like it. I've even seen Cp eat it.

[Lie] - We think it's naturally spawned Brines that like it because those who weren't originally brines or who flat out aren't a brine hate it

[Herabrine] Well it's a bit less personal way to determine if someone is a natural Herobrine then testing their... 'Fertility' at least.

[Lie] Groans- That was an awkward situation

[CP] Is flying towards the bay-

[Herabrine] Especially for girls and Aces... And speaking of coming, here comes trouble. - grins-

[Lie] Watches her husband land-

[CP] - Hey, how are you feeling?

[Lie] - I'm just fine CP

[Herabrine] Shes just busy glowing with magick and creative potential while I entertain her with my usual wit

[Lie] - What were you up to?

[CP] - Settling some technical issues

[Herabrine] Still working on prettying up your commanders?

[CP] - No, our daughters NOTCH

[Lie] - I'm sorry, what were you doing?

[Herabrine] Oh.... Holy crap! I didn't even think about that! Lies not even showing yet and one of those fuckers is already pre- spawning?!?!

[CP] - No! I talked with my father and we got an unassigned one assigned to my daughter!

[Lie] - CP... There's something wrong with this picture...

[Herabrine] Is it the part where he called Markus dad? Or the part where they apparently cooperated on something? I'd check him for honesty pollen Lie.

[Lie] - I'm talking about the part where he didn't include me in this decision at all... [CP] Tenses a little-

[Herabrine] I was getting to that... Where did you find a jobless NOTCH anyway? Raiding that little village of tormented souls you keep under wraps?

[CP] - No...- Is taking some steps away from his angering wife

[Herabrine] Is watching Lie warily. at Cp- so who got the job? Before she catifies you?

[CP] - Prince... The NOTCH TLOT recently brought back [Lie] - So you made this decision, without consulting me, and choose a NOTCH we know next to nothing about? And you thought that was a good decision?!

[Herabrine] I'm guessing it was that or roll the dice with a randomly generated one?

[Lie] - We could have at least found out more about this NOTCH!

[CP] We still can?

[Lie] Glares at her husband briefly before flicking the collar at him-

[Herabrine] I think that was the end of the discussion...

[Lie] Frustrated noises-

[Herabrine] Sooo Prince? Sounds like either someone with a superiority complex or a dog.

[Lie] - I don't know. He could be a really good musician

[Herobrine] oh har har, do we know what group he's with?

[Lie] Shakes her head- No, I don't

[Herabrine] Flies over and puts her feet down next to Cp.

[CP] Gives her a little hiss-

[Herabrine] gives him a pat on the head, too bad she's dripping wet and her hand is clammy. - oh hush

[CP] Fury swipes-

[Herabrine] Gets scratched but also wrings a bit of her hair out over him in retailiation

[CP] Angry noises-

[Lie] - Oh hush, you have no right to complain

[Herabrine] quietly- Yeah, go play someplace...

[CP] Goes to rub against Lie-

[Lie] - Uh, no. I'm mad at you

[CP] Little mew, his mind already churning on what he could do to end up human again-

Top 10 favorite Characters

For @thedeerfish. This list was slightly problematic. While I know exactly what characters are among my favorites, I never had the need to sort them into any kind of order. That is, until now. Oh, by the way, there is only one Top N list waiting in the queue, so if you like seeing these, you might go and suggest some. As long as it is Warcraft related, it’s good to go. Before you start reading this list, let’s play a game: Write down 10 characters you think I like. For each character on your list that appears here, you have a point. What’s your score? What's your most failed guess?

10. Griftah - He is a simple cheating shopkeeper selling useless things, sending clueless heroes to Zul’Aman. He has good lines. Ever since I’ve met him at the Shattrath Lower City, I wondered each new expansion locations “I wonder what Griftah is doing.” Given I play mainly Rogues, I was really happy about him being in WoD and later in the Underbelly. Let’s face it, where else would Griftah supposed to be than Underbelly? He isn’t much of a deep character with plenty of revealed lore, but he is one of those characters you just remember. Plus, with him the lack of lore and known personality traits doesn’t feel as bad writing but more as part of... What Griftah is keeping from us.

9. Har’koa - Cat mom. She is beautiful, she is a goddess, she is a mother. I have a lot of feelings about the adventures in Zul’Drak, especially about helping Har’koa. Plus it’s one of the few female characters I don’t feel Blizzard fucked up despite giving them some space. While it might be because she is there for like, 3 levels or so and then never seen again, I personally am of the opinion it’s because she was constantly in a form of a gigantic snow leopard and therefore couldn’t be stuffed in the practical female armor™ . Another thing is that Har’koa was never weak, even when she was trapped, and never stopped being kind and a goddess. I would really appreciate seeing Har’koa again. I would also appreciate an update on what is going on in the whole Northrend.

8. Maladaar - I haven’t got much reasoning here actually, I just happen to like him. On outland he was one of my favorite dungeon bosses and I was really sad about his whole story, despite I am not usually much into the “meant well but it went bad” backstories. Having Maladaar back on WoD was great and mainly the reason why I began to really like him. I mean, not only he is the Speaker for the Dead (which is, hands down, an awesome and a bit depressive title to hold) but he is also an active warrior, not just inactive priest who is defensive at best. He actually seeks justice. Maladaar deserved more space.

7. Chronormu - No such a list is, I think, complete without a dragon. There are plenty of dragons to choose from in WoW, so you can pick one to your taste. I like Chromie, the enthusiastic “let’s try again but better” dragon who decided not to be a boring elf but a Gnome (maybe she has a think for science?). She isn’t everywhere but she is everywhen, which is even better. She is cheerful even at the darkest hour without being an invasive optimist. Also Chronormu might and might not be trans. The -ormu suffix is, aside from Chromie, used only for bronze dragon males, while we always see Chromie as a woman. (How do you recognize a gender in a dragon when they are in a dragon form? You hardly do, they are reptiles, they don’t really have their gender visible.) Also I have a bet going on that when Nozdormu becomes Murozond, Chromie is going to become the next Aspect (or well... leader, since Aspects are no longer a thing).

6. Garrosh - First thing to remember: He fucked up everything he touched. Twice. He was given many opportunities for rising to greatness and also for redemption and he pushed every single one aside. He is a bad person. He isn’t a problematic fave, he is a total disaster and I absolutely disagree with what all he did. I don’t like for what he did, but because he is a damn interesting character (and mind you, it took me rather long to learn). And to me he is also to an extent very relatable, because I too used to view everyone around me as an enemy and tried to live up to my very awesome parent held in high regards by others who expected me to be exactly the same. So he made into the top 10 because he is a very interesting character, but I don’t really favor him as much as the others, because he is a bad person. I am still very salty about his death. I could have written it better.

5. Nozdormu - The only reason I don’t like Nozdormu more is because we don’t see much of him. He watches over time, travels through it as well. And he also looks damn fine. Like... damn damn fine. There is a picture of him in Troll appearance and that looks even better, but well, if he wants to be an elf... He is wise, he knows how and when and why he is going to die and he also knows he can’t do anything about it. Which is very heart-breaking, especially for him who just wants to protect Azeroth and time. He is in fact the most responsible person there is. A true Lawful Neutral. We all know what happens when he tries to change the history to be a better one (see Culling of Stratholme dungeon). Nozdormu is damn interesting and damn damn beautiful and I want to take him home and care after him so nothing bad would happen to him. He could do me the favour and be there more often in the game, me being the Champion Hero Adventurer and all, he could make some time for me.  

4. Ortell - The first time you meet this dude, he is almost naked sitting in a cave in Silithus and he translates the encrypted Twilight texts for you, because he realized those fuckers are no good, so he abandoned them. Hermit Ortell was quite a nice character and I liked visiting him in his cave, always brought him some papers to translate and read, because he then sent me a mail saying how nice it was I remembered him. Like, one of the few persons who actually liked to see me. And the boom baby, he is now Elementalist Ortell at Mount Hyjal, helping to infiltrate the cult he once used to call home. He also got some very ominously sounding lines. I loved hearing he is well and still on his bullshit. BfA is going to be about the Old Gods, I personally am of the opinion that Ortell should appear again - let’s just throw him at N’zoth, that tentacle fucker is just gonna run for momma in fear of Ortell. In our house goes a meme: “Little (out)house, little (out)house, who is inside?” - “Elementalist Ortell!”

3. Oculeth - A prime example that first impression matters. His first instinct to seeing a suspicious armed stranger is to put him in a deadlock bubble. In that very moment as the bubble was rising my main slowly to the ceiling, I thought “I know him for only ten seconds, but if anything happens to him, then I’d kill everyone on this server and then myself.” Oculeth is a walking disaster, this close to just losing it, but he is still brilliant and not giving up, he is a gigantic nerd and just loves things that move around thorough telemancy. Let me show to him the Wester and Eastern Earthshrine, please! Let me make my mess of elf happy!

2. Kel’thuzad - The sassy intelligent founder of Scourge (more or less) who isn’t paid enough to deal with all of this bullshit. Having read the Road To Damnation, I now know he didn’t actually want the power but the knowledge. Knowledge seeker. I can relate. But he isn’t actually a tragic character (by canon interpretation at least) which is somehow really... amazing. Life and death both threw stuffs at him and he just kept all of them for later use. And we knoe he has a cat he loves, and when worried then floats around like a distressed nurse in a field hospital . Now when Bolvar is in charge of the Scourge, Kel’thuzad is, technically speaking, a good guy. Or a neutral guy at least. He serves the Lich King (he doesn’t have much of a choice) and that’s all there is. Plus I always had a thing for necromancy and liches and this dude has been among my favorites since Warcraft III (when I couldn’t even read, not to mention understand English) and like hell am I going to change that now just because he is seen as a problematic character. Of course he is a problematic character, all characters have flaws of some kind. If they didn’t they’d be all the same and boring.

1. Vol’jin - DAMMIT BLIZZARD I DON’T CARE YOU ARE BRINGING HIM BACK IN THE BATTLE FOR AZEROTH! YOU HAD LITERALLY NO REASON TO KILL HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NOT GIVING HIM MORE THAN 5 MINUTES OF SCREENTIME AND JUST ONE BOOK IS INEXCUSABLE! Okay, now I have calmed down a little. He is a strong character, both physically and mentally. He lost his son, his homeland, his homeland v. 2, his best friend, his homeland v. 3, the he had to kill the said best friend, then he had to leave Orgrimmar and his race was treated poorly in the Horde he helped to form... And nothing of that broke him. Just like Garrosh, for him everyone around was an enemy. But he didn’t kill them outright, he negotiated, he calculated, and he waited. Instead of enemies he sought opportunities, he was flexible. Yeah fine, until MoP he wasn’t all that accepting to people but he was proved wrong and he admitted it and that is something even real people have problems to do. Vol’jin is truly an inspiring character who was never afraid to call out anyone on their bullshit while keeping to both law and moral. His greatest weakness was his own damned intellect when he had the tendency to make things more complicated then they actually were. He was never my Warchief (I personally think that Cairne or Saurfang should have been the Warchief, later Baine), but he is someone whose orders I would do without questioning, knowing that all the questions I would have asked him, he asked them himself too, twice.

Honorable mention: Taedal - I have this sort of feeling I am obligated to list him here, since I am his creation mother. When you think about it, Taedal si actually just an OC I made for a punchline of a list and wanted to keep him as a running joke. He developed into a full character since then and you all have just sort of... accepted him and no longer question his presence, not even you guys who are new here (maybe you have read the FAQ but I don’t believe it, nobody reads the FAQ). When you think about it, his character, as it has developed, shouts Mary Sue (or the male version Gary Stu) miles around. He is described as pretty and everyone seems to get along with him aside from two or three characters who are just porely biased and Taedal keeps proving them wrong. He is intelligent and handsome enough to get laid, but he doesn’t do it often. And he has a special ability (to break the 4th wall). He is a rebelling demon, for Light’s sake! And somehow... Somehow nobody really minds. Maybe it’s because I present him as sort of a semi-official character, and when we get down to it there are canon characters with less believable backstory. Somehow this character seems natural in Taedal’s case instead of bad writing. I have plenty of other WoW OCs whom I love more than Taedal, but they aren’t on this blog so most of them doesn’t know them, so no reason to put them here. Plus, I really like the world I have built around Taedal. That demon wanted his own datadisc, so he has it. With the help of me and some other volunteering people who don’t mind contributing to the BaDW wiki. (This motherfucker is greedy as hell tho, and wants a second expansion now. Slow down, lizard man, I am not finished with the first one yet!)

I saw a post, if I'm right was a thing sent to imaginfourswords talking about after shadow dies (in a post manga alternate univers where the four don't return the four sword or something and shadow is dead) vio is diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, and his other personality is shadow, I found the idea intresting, could you write something based around this idea?

[[i think i saw that post, a while ago! i honestly forgot about it, but it’s an interesting idea, and i actually had an au like that before that post came out, though it was for a demigod au… though i don’t think i talked about that one here]]

Vio is well aware of the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, which is why for the longest time he says nothing. Suspected depression is one problem, something that Hylia knows Red will never leave him alone about- voices are another entirely.

He’d rather it not get out that one of the Links is “going crazy”, as he’s sure someone’s bound to put it. He knows that isn’t what it is, at all, but not everyone understands or cares. Still, it’s very difficult to ignore.

He can’t pin when exactly it started. Sometime after they’d brought down Ganon: that, he’s certain of. But if someone asked for a day, or a week, or even really a month, he couldn’t say. It was insidious, and subtle, at first. An odd word here or there, something he recognized as not his own thoughts- but then, intrusive thoughts, those exist and were very much a possibility. He’d brushed it aside, ignored it. There were far more important things to be focusing on, then. Hyrule Castle was in shambles, Castle Town not much better, an entire forest burnt to ashes, a body count to be taken. He’d been buried under work. And then, when finally he’d done all he could, taken off the mantle of responsibility, suddenly he found that it seemed there was another person in his mind.

Which, of course, logically, made no sense. And he’d done his research, when it really started to make itself known. Symptoms just didn’t match up. It certainly wasn’t schizophrenia, which he just knew was going to be what everyone else immediately jumped to. It wasn’t dissociative identity disorder, because he wasn’t dissociating; he was entirely consciously present when he heard it. It was just… Extra. It didn’t make sense, and he wasn’t really willing to go to anyone about it, so he left it be, and tried not to pay any attention to it.

And as that usually goes, it just got worse. They were like intrusive thoughts, but said to him rather than by him, and it was really starting to get overwhelming, because whatever this was it was nasty. He was starting to get a little (a lot) worried. He didn’t know what it was, couldn’t find anything on the subject matter that adequately fit the description, could easily figure that no one else would know either.

He still doesn’t know, hasn’t even a clue to lead him in the right direction. There’s something vaguely, vaguely familiar about it. It isn’t so much the voice- it’s in his head, after all, hardly a voice to begin with- but he knows that he knows the speech pattern from somewhere, the vocabulary, that particular slight lilt that he just knows. Except he doesn’t.

I thought we’d established, it “says”, is that the proper thing to call it? That ignoring me isn’t gonna do a damn thing.

He goes right on ignoring it.

Stupid fucker, you are. This long and you still haven’t got it figured out? Vio, you were the smart one, what happened?

He’s glad he’s alone, by himself in the vast library, because he’s sure he looks very annoyed right now, and he’d be hard-pressed to explain that to any passersby.

You know who I am. I know you know who I am. Can’t forget me so soon.

He’s not really in the mood to be playing guessing games with some stupid undiagnosable voice.

Dumbass. It sounds like a sneer, if a thought can sound like something. You can’t diagnose a person with a person. What d’you want the shrink to say? “I’m sorry, you have person-in-your-head disorder?” Some stupid shit like that?

In all the time that this “person” has been present, it’s never been so incessantly intolerable.

Aw, but that’s my trademark, baby. C’mon, Vio. You know me. Better’n anyone else, I bet. And you’re sitting here like a dumb sack of shit wondering what’s going on.

And it’s funny, how it takes being repeatedly insulted to get it, but then it makes sense, everything it’s been saying to him for the past year and a half. He wonders how it was so difficult for him to recognize Shadow. He’d had to put up with him a full forty-eight hours, back before they’d sealed Ganon.

Ding ding ding! Winner! Get this man an award, someone! World’s dumbest smartass!

He really wishes that Shadow would shut up.

Only took you, what, two years? Hey, why don’t you tell Blue about this, see how long it takes him- maybe he’ll even get it while you’re still around!

What is the point of this.

Well, to terrorize you, of course. Y’all killed me, I figure, hey, I saved your sorry asses, least you could do is offer me someplace to stay.

He did not offer.

Yeah, I figured I had to take some initiative or it’d never happen. Still haven’t gotten what I wanted- an actual body’d be nice- but as long as I get to torture the traitor, I’ll settle. And hey, if you can get me into a place of my own, maybe I’ll even think about forgiving you. I’m too generous, right?

He might actually look into that, if only to get a moment’s peace- but that’s what Shadow wants, and there’s no telling what he’d do if that happened.

Look, it’s your choice. If you change your mind you know where to find me. Vio’s sure he’d be kicking up his feet right now, if he had them. Do me a favor and tell Blue I said “fuck you”, though, ‘kay?

The Raven King, Chapter 12 – No One Is Okay (I Promise)

In which we deal with the aftermath of the Thanksgiving Fuckery, Kevin is apparently not the only one with a choking kink, Neil is still obnoxiously fine, and Betsy is the best person to ever grace this planet.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

Am I back? Yes.

Am I alive? Physically.

Am I over what happened? Fuck no.

It’s fine, though, because from what I’ve gathered no one else is, either.

No, but seriously – every time the mental image of Andrew on that bed, half-undressed, blood-splattered, has haunted me the past week, I was hit with the biggest rush of new-found love for this character, and a fierce desire to protect him. Andrew frickin’ Minyard. This dude. I love him. I need to protect him.

Anyways.

Life goes on, I guess?

           Neil didn’t know if [the six cops arriving at the Hemmicks’ house] had nothing better to do on a Sunday night or if they’d come following the slip of Kevin Day’s name over the police radio.

Are you telling me Kevin has fanboys in the frickin’ police. Seriously?

I am once again doubting how big of a deal Exy actually is.

After the authorities arrive, one half of the squad is shipped off to the police station, the other to the hospital. What a way to end a Thanksgiving dinner. Amazing. 10/10 would thanksgive again.

Going to the hospital has one silver lining, though (apart from the murder kitten getting medical attention ofc):

Wymack is there!

           “Kevin called me,” Wymack said.

           Neil did the math in his head, but it didn’t add up. (…) The only way Wymack could be standing here now was if Kevin called him when he first went downstairs to get Nicky. Knowing Kevin, Neil bet Wymack got the call before 911 did.

FOX DAD :’((((((( <33333 #phonesoutforwymack #dicksoutforwymack

           “What do you want me to say?”

           “The truth,” Wymack said.

           “No.”

           “Why not?”

Yeah, hombre. You’re not speaking to the police, you’re not speaking to Wymack – why the hell not? They’re not after you, they’re after getting the truth on how Andrew was abused, which will considerably lessen your guilt (as opposed to them just assuming you murdered that guy for the fun of it), which is in your best fucking interest.

So???????

           Something like this demanded complete honesty, and Neil had been lying since he was old enough to speak. He didn’t know how to tell the truth now. If he tried, would it still be the truth, or would he poison the words by saying them aloud?

Alright, honestly, this is one of the moments where Neil just annoys the crap out of me.

Like. There is no actual fucking reason for you not to help your friends (and you, might I add) out of this shitty ass situation, yet you don’t do it because of your fucking angst.

Chill the fuck out and get the fuck real. No one is asking you to tell them your life story, they just need a witness of what happened in that godawful room.

Help your fucking friends out, Josten. Stop whining, help your friends and help yourself.

They get Andrew out of the hospital, they get back to the cousin’s house, and before they even set foor in the door, we get another Prime Andreil Real Talk Time:

           “You helped create this mess. The least you could do is help clean it up.” (…)

           He wanted to say this wasn’t his fault, but they both knew it was. Andrew hadn’t told him about Drake, but he’d said Luther betrayed his trust. Instead of listening to that, Neil sided with Nicky’s hopeful grief. He hadn’t invited Drake to South Carolina, but he’d delivered Andrew into his waiting arms.

Hold up, hold up, hold up. I get the point, but still, this is not Neil’s fucking fault.

Andrew had said Luther “betrayed his trust”, that could have meant anything from “Luther told people I’m borderline alcoholic” to “Luther told people I’m gay”. It certainly did not immediately suggest something like Drake fucking Spear.

Neil helped create this mess, yes. But he did not do it intentionally, and you can bet your ass he wouldn’t have pushed Andrew to go to South Carolina if he had known what it would mean for him.

It’s Drake’s fault for being such an absolute fucker, and it is Luther’s fault for inviting him back into his home despite knowing what he had done in the past.

Also – two can play the guilt game:

           “So you did nothing,” Neil said. “You almost put a knife between Nicky’s ribs when he flirted with me, but you didn’t lift a finger to protect Cass’ other children. You knew what Drake would do to them but you didn’t protect them.”

Not entirely true either – he did lift a finger by telling the only responsible adult he knew at the time who wasn’t Drake’s parents or Higgins (who was pals with Drake): Luther.

And Luther told him he was wrong. He was misunderstanding the situation.

My blood still fucking boils when I think of that expression. I could retch, cry, and yell at the same time.

           “Is this how you stayed quiet?” Neil reached up and took hold of Andrew’s wrist. He couldn’t feel the scars through the cotton sleeve, but he didn’t need to. He knew they were there. (…) “Did you do this so you wouldn’t tell her the truth about her son?”

           “Maybe I did.”

ANDREW :’(((((((((((((((

Protect him.

           “All you had to do was to hold out until graduation and then she would adopt you. So what went wrong?”

Yeah – remember how I jokingly mentioned Kevin having A Thing for choking way back in Book 1?

GUESS WHAT RECURRING INTERROGATION TECHNIQUE-SLASH-KINK IS FUCKING BACK.

           Andrew’s fingers slowly tightened until Neil couldn’t breathe anymore. He refused to shake Andrew off. The tightness in his chest started as simple discomfort but spread until it felt like every bone in his chest would break beneath the pressure.

Seriously, WHY is there so much choking happening in these books.

I can hear y’all going, oh Nicki, wait a second, that wasn’t sexual though, that was only the usual shade of violent we know and love, where’s the sexual tension that should accompany this?

           Instead of letting go, Andrew slid is hand around the back of Neil’s neck and pulled him in close. He put his mouth at Neil’s ear and lowered his voice.

WHOMP – THERE IT IS.

           “Drake deferred his enlistment,” Andrew said. “He wanted to make the most of his last summer with his baby brother. (…) He wanted to get [Aaron and I] in the same place. He could imagine what we’d look like in bed together, he said. It’s be picture perfect.”

I am legit close to retching on my bed.

Seriously, this came like a punch to the gut – mostly because I’d suspected something like this earlier when we saw how protective Andrew was of Aaron concerning Drake.

           [Neil] needed to know if Andrew was screaming behind the euphoria his drugs fed his veins. But Andrew wasn’t, and Neil couldn’t live with that. (…) Tonight didn’t mean anything to him. This was a setback Andrew could sidestep and ignore.

And again – punch to the gut.

What the hell.

I am both hella scared and unbelievably sad. Also, did I mention I want to protect this sick, terrifying dude.

In better news – didn’t I mention, ages ago, how I hope Betsy Dobson comes back lots of times to grace us with wise insights and hot cocoa?

           “Are you still here, Bee?”

           “For a few moments longer,” Betsy said. “The milk’s almost done heating. I picked some up on the way so we could have some cocoa. (…) If we start drinking it now, we can probably make ourselves sick off of it by midnight.”

Oh my god. YES.

It’s been too long, but I can finally bring this back – it’s #cocoaoutforbetsy ALL THE FUCKING WAY.

I missed our Ravenclaw Molly Weasley <33333

           Neil couldn’t believe her. Chocolate wasn’t a fix-it; it wouldn’t make any of this easier to stomach.

Neil Josten has obviously never had chocolate.

I also now desperately want to do a cosplay shoot where all the Foxes just hang out and drink hot chocolate.

           “Neil,” Wymack said.

           “I’m fine,” Neil said.

           Wymack said nothing immediately, then, “Be fine inside where it’s warmer.”

Sassy Wymack is the best Wymack.

Also, can Neil stop being fucking fine.

I mean, it’s a meme and it’s funny, but it’s also worrying the shit out of me.

A couple of hours later – after Neil has had his patented Angst Run™ and Exhaustion Nap™ - Wymack tries talking some sense into him again:

           “Your testimony could speed the process up, you know. You’re the only one besides Andrew and Aaron who was in that room when Drake died, and since Andrew won’t talk either –“

That’s what I fucking SAID. Thank you Wymack, my dude, my man, for having my back.

Also, Andrew’s not talking either even though it – surprise! – would benefit him immensely as well? Amazing. Stunning. These two are meant to fucking be.

           “Get back to bed.”

           “I’m fine.” It was out between he could stop it. (…)

           “Neil,” Wymack said, “between you and me, I don’t think you’ve ever been fine.”

This is potentially the best sentence anyone has ever said to Neil this entire series.

WYMACK MY DUDE.

In his own interest, and because I love and care about this dude – call him out on his ‘Fine’ bullshit. Please.

And as if the angels above (read: Certified Fox Parents™ Wymack, Abby and Betsy) had heard my prayers: Neil gets pressured into running errands with Bee the next morning, which Bee promptly turns into Fun Psychoanalysis Hour.

           “[Nicky] is lucky to have a friend like you worrying about him.”

           “I’m not his friend,” Neil said, “I’m his teammate. (…) What do I need friends for? I came down here to play.”

There are times where Neil just really, really annoys the shit out of me.

This is one of those times.

Like – I get that he’s miserable. I get that he’s angsty. It’s entirely justified. But he gets friends and support handed to him on a platter over and over again – and he refuses to accept it.

And I realized he’ll learn to accept it by the end of the books, he’ll grow into it, he’ll learn to let love in his life, blablabla, all good, all well. But right now, it’s just grinding my gears so much.

In other news – we are now halfway!

Not with the book, but with the entire series!

I’m equal parts sad, excited and glad – sad because that means it’ll end some time, excited for what’s to come, but also (not going to lie to you here) glad it’s ending at some point, because this is just really beginning to take up a lot of my time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love it dearly, I’m glad I’m doing it and I would not want to quit it at any point. But it’s also a lot of work.

And also – that is just halfway? I feel like we’ve been at these books for ages, and so much has happened already. This means we’ve only uncovered about half of all the shit that’s going to go down? What more fuckery could there be??

I have a very strong feeling I don’t want that question answered.

Back to Bee and Neil.

           “You can’t choke back on everything forever,” Betsy said. “You need an outlet, whether it’s with me or David or your teammates.”

           “I don’t need anyone.”

YES YOU BLOODY DO.

I’m v v happy about Actual Angel Bee Dobson pushing Neil towards the healthy and glittering Road Of Mental Health – even if he’s grinding his small angst-ridden orange heels into the ground refusing to budge an inch.

Somebody’s fucking got to help that boy.

Betsy and Neil go shopping, buy Neil a new racquet (RIP Wymack’s bank account) and get Andrew’s knives and keys from the Hemmicks house. Nothing interesting to report here. Next!

           “Where are Nicky and Kevin?”

           “Nicky tried to hug Andrew and almost got himself stabbed with a kitchen knife,” Wymack said.

In the words of a wise man chapters ago: Dammit Minyard, this is why we can’t have nice things.

NICKY :’((((((((((( <333333

#givenickyallthehugs2k17

However, Neil does not give Nicky all the hugs – instead, he frequents one of his all-time favourite hobbies: Eavesdropping on people.

           “This is the only ethical solution,” Betsy said.

What? What is? Solution to what?

           “Andrew won’t agree to this,” Abby said, a last-ditch effort to change their minds. “Going means leaving Kevin behind.”

Andrew? Going?? Going where???

           Neil ignored [Abby] and insisted, “Where are you taking him?”

           “Easthaven Hospital,” Betsy said. “I’m going to take Andrew off his medicine.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry, did I mention how Betsy is the best person in this entire series?? Did I?? DID I???

Apart from Wymack and Renee, of course.

Andrew going off his medicine!! Yes!! Fucking FINALLY!!

I’m excited for this because of plot reasons – what will Andrew be like off his meds? More scary? More mellow? Will he still pretend not to care about Exy? Will he still pretend not to care about Neil? Actually – will he still feel the same at all, both about Exy and Neil?

But in all honesty, I’m mostly excited for this because of the simple reason that I want Andrew Joseph Minyard to be happy and healthy.

That’s all I want.

           He’d wanted to hurt Betsy in the car for reinforcing the rules of Andrew’s awful medicine. She hadn’t defended herself because she knew she didn’t need to. She knew just like he did how cruel it was to keep Andrew on his drugs, and she’d already reached out to the people who could help him.

And apparently, that’s all Betsy wants as well.

I cannot thank the universe enough for the existence of this woman.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

millennial joel headcanons feat @fabulouslittlefox, part one:

wolf-skins sent a post other notable kid!mill... also this

fabulouslittlefox: GOD THANK YOU

wolf-skins you're welcome

fabulouslittlefox u think he listened to everybody by the backstreet boys? I'm feeling it....for some reason lmao

wolf-skins uh ofc he probably wanted to be in a boy band before he wanted to be just a singer

fabulouslittlefox CHRIST but did he have an emo phase ? for him I guess it'd be southern gothic 😂 (not really but I saw the opportunity and ran w it lmao)

wolf-skins lmaooo can u imagine a lil texan boy running around with thick black eyeliner and all-black clothes? i feel his emo phase would be more subtle if there was one

fabulouslittlefox YES he does acoustic covers of emo songs

wolf-skins yes

fabulouslittlefox also I bet that bitch was into rage comics

wolf-skins wears his hat low over his face while he does so + yes. yes he was so into the era of meme that* he thought that soulja boy era was annoying though

fabulouslittlefox god I wanna see fuckin Joel cover fuckin what a catch donnie on his goddamn guitar in a cowboy hat as he rides off into the sunset LMAO same

wolf-skins god yes i wanna see it too

fabulouslittlefox or fucking Evanescence God

wolf-skins YES YES OH MYGOD my immortal going under

fabulouslittlefox KGKSKFLXKSGKZMVMD fuckign Bring me to life

wolf-skins SOPT he probably went all for it in his covers like got SO into it

fabulouslittlefox I'm crying because I can see this happening

wolf-skins i know i know same do u think he put it up on youtube i kinda feel like he'd be a cover youtuber with a couple hundred subscribers

fabulouslittlefox um I think the fuck YES

wolf-skins just like a lowkey youtube cowboy singing cover songs passionately and dramatically

fabulouslittlefox please god that's all I want OK OK WHAT IF Tommy found his channel and saved all the videos and somehow got them to play off either like CDs or a USB drive (bc his town has electricity) and fucijgbshowed ellie

wolf-skins PLEASEUFKCING PLEASE joel was so grumpy about it he still wouldn't sing for her irl for the LONGEST time

fabulouslittlefox LMAO FKSKFOZKCNZ Joel disowns Tommy for a month bc of that

wolf-skins yes ellie would show the whole town until joel snatched whatever it was and broke it so Extra

fabulouslittlefox YES MCKSKCKS jokes on Joel tho bc Tommy has duplicates of everything

wolf-skins IUFGWOHI

fabulouslittlefox and the other one is locked up safe Until Joel is fast asleep then everyone Sees

wolf-skins yes good  joel just pouts over this for the rest of time too

fabulouslittlefox LMAO GOOD

wolf-skins ellie would start making texan accent mock jokes

fabulouslittlefoxwhen Ellie start learning guitar 🐚 start to play a song that Joel covered and mock his singing

wolf-skins if that sentence made sense

fabulouslittlefox MFKSKGOZKCKS

wolf-skins YES like that

fabulouslittlefox WHY IS THERE A SHELL IM

wolf-skins fucking mobile do u think

fabulouslittlefox Joel sings that song from SpongeBob that Sandy sings about missing texas

wolf-skins joel would be that tourist who got a conch shell + oh my god

fabulouslittlefox HE WOUDL THE MAGIC CONCH

wolf-skins when sarah found it as a really young child and pretended to be ariel he would act out as sebastian while she had a stuffed flounder and she'd hang up the "shell" on him

fabulouslittlefox oh my god plea s e,,,,,,,,

wolf-skins he sang this for her:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC_mV1IpjWA he'd try to mimic it but he could never get rid of the accent

fabulouslittlefox I literally cannot top this this is officially the cutest headcanon

wolf-skins i know

fabulouslittlefox and it hurts THAT MUCH MORE

wolf-skins I KNOW

fabulouslittlefox REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE u killed me liz

wolf-skins oh my god i'm gonna cry over sarah all over again her friggin card and her jokes she's so pure

fabulouslittlefox DONT CRYYYY I love Sarah sm my daughter whomst I only knew for like 5 minutes

wolf-skins ok but what song do u think was the first he finally sang for ellie irl (not like the videos which were Not to be Mentioned in exchange for it) + god i know

fabulouslittlefox hmmm hmmm would this include songs he taught her to play I'm guessing?

wolf-skins probably a cute lil acoustic song for ells

fabulouslittlefox YOU AR E MY SUNSHIN E THE FIRST ONS

wolf-skins NO YOURE KILLING ME

fabulouslittlefox YES

wolf-skins IM GOING TO CYR

fabulouslittlefox I KILLED MYSELF WITH THAT

wolf-skins i can already hear ellie singing it

fabulouslittlefox I KNWO HHHHHHHHH

wolf-skins ok but

fabulouslittlefox I have ANOTHER song that she would absolutely know/learn

wolf-skins what if one of them sang it to the other when the one was Really Hurt to make them feel better or something

fabulouslittlefox STOP IT LIZ IMAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

wolf-skins and like if that theory that joel is dead in tlou 2 and she sang it when he died

fabulouslittlefox stop it but also keep going bc I love pain

wolf-skins why do i do this to myself

fabulouslittlefox FUCKFFFFFFFFFFHHHHHHHH I hope yr ready to catch these tears bih

wolf-skins he's all coughing up blood or something and she just holds his hand and sings it and begs that he stays bc she still won't let him go deliver them to me

fabulouslittlefox 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫IM WEW LADS IM DYIN TONITE

wolf-skins you know how i feel about hallucination!dads too so trust me i know if that is what happens in the next game i will Fucking Die ok next headcanon tho

fabulouslittlefox more music hcs ?

wolf-skins shore that's like sure but not

fabulouslittlefox LOL Goes well with my shell from earlier

wolf-skins exactly

fabulouslittlefox I can't remember if I've shared this b4 but the one hc I'll cling to forever is that Ellie learns on her own or is taught by joel landslide by Fleetwood Mac and that it's really relevant to her idk why I just love it sm

wolf-skins holy fucking shit um i always think of them or one of them playing that song so it's fucking canon imo also joel made this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47ZSX7eMGU0

fabulouslittlefox GOOD IM SO GLAD IM NOT ALONE W THSI fabulouslittlefox sent an audio post I Won... also THIS just came up on my dash and I feel it'd fit them too JOEL DID MAKE THAT CKSKGKSKC

wolf-skins JOHNNY CASH yeah i feel it joel probably was a huge cash fan

fabulouslittlefox PROLLY hes a huge cash fan but agrees that the NIN version of hurt is better

wolf-skins he probably loved playing Man Comes Around

fabulouslittlefox Dude I feel it

wolf-skins ok so jaz and i discussed he loved war docs but what other movies or shows do u think he would've loved

fabulouslittlefox Also I feel like he'd do a southern gothic cover of while my guitar gently weeps hmm

wolf-skins undoubtedly

fabulouslittlefox moonrise kingdom I feel he enjoyed that

wolf-skins ok what is that ok it's got bruce willis and u know what

fabulouslittlefox a Wes Anderson film about a troubled kid who goes to camp and runs away to find his love

wolf-skins joel would've loved bruce willis

fabulouslittlefox YEHA

wolf-skins do u think the taken movies were relatable to joel

fabulouslittlefox zoinks yes

wolf-skins he sure as fuck is like that in game

fabulouslittlefox speaking of zoinks I bet the fucker loved Scooby Doo RIGHT

wolf-skins "GIVE ME BACK MY DAUGHTER" yells Joel an incorrect quote that is correct + yes he fucking did the classics

fabulouslittlefox watched the fuck outta boomerang and the old cartoons

wolf-skins https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2u0-11E6x14 joel

fabulouslittlefox IM GONAB PISS OMVLEXKAKCKSN CANON

wolf-skins RIGHT ok i'm gonna copy this as a part one to put in my tag