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xiaowhore · 2 years

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playing hard to get [pt. 3]

premise. he delighted in being the object of your affections. the apple of your eye, your dearest treasure, your one and only darling—

so why aren't you acting like it now?

(or, in which he takes his admirer's love for granted until you decide to play hard-to-get.)

includes. ayato & heizou !

part one. diluc, xiao & childe.

part two. zhongli, albedo & kazuha.

note. i send snippets of wips and post something entirely different. oops. also this is extremely long compared to prior chapters (my favoritism is showing).

ayato dreads arranged marriages. even now, as the yashiro commissioner who understands the importance of forging political alliances, the thought of it is distasteful. presently, he has no person in his heart he'd rather marry, but that doesn't mean he finds the idea of pursuing a loveless relationship agreeable.

so when he first meets you, he's a little surprised. you're fidgety just like he is, but it isn't out of agitated worry; you look excited, can almost be described enthusiastic for the deal.

ridiculous, ayato thinks. you must be one of those shallow people easily wooed by appearances. he knows he's dashing, but he never liked anyone who's only drawn to that part of himself, and he doubts that will change in the future.

(still, as the marriage talk progresses between ayato and your parents, he finds himself distracted by the way you blow on your hot cup of tea, scrunching your nose when it burns your tongue. the moment you notice him staring however, you quickly switch gears and duck your head down in panic, reviewing etiquette lessons in your mind and trying to remember if blowing on your tea is a form of disrespect.)

(cute.)

(no it isn't, what are you thinking.)

ayato doesn't have the free time to afford frequent visits. most of the time, you're the one visiting the kamisato estate, often unable to see him and ayaka receives your presence instead. in the few chances you do catch him in a good time, conversations over tea and pastries are awkward and strained, made even worse by ayato's unwillingness to reply in a sentence longer than five words. he doesn't want you to get any closer to him, and perhaps you'll finally lose interest if he keeps up this charade.

(but sometimes, just sometimes, really, he'll gift you tea leaves he procured from foreign lands. they cost a hefty price, but he always puts a frown on your face, and if they bring back just a quick upturn of your lips, he'll consider it a successful apology.)

yet when you lose interest in him, he isn't very ecstatic.

he should be. you send less letters recently, and your visits to the estate even lesser. there's no attendant knocking on his door alerting him of your presence to interrupt his flow of work, and there's no guest he's obligated to entertain. most importantly, there's nobody he's obligated to marry.

(that doesn't stop him from worrying. doesn't make him feel any better. doesn't make him any less disappointed even when this result was what he was hoping for.)

eventually, rumors start to circulate. they say you're now besotted with a lord in the south, often spotted strolling around together and conversing over shared meals. they say you've fallen out of love for the yashiro commissioner you once begged your parents to let you marry, disillusioned by his stoic nature devoid of affection. they say you much rather prefer the romantic lord gifting you pretty robes and fragrant perfumes, finding comfort in his lavish sweetness opposed to ayato's cold indifference.

for that, he can't fault you at all. this... lord seems to court you properly. what rights does he have to be angry when he's done nothing to deserve your attention? besides, it's a win-win for everybody—ayato doesn't have to go through the arranged marriage he couldn't refuse due to your father's persistence, and you can be wed to a man who's genuinely fond of you, eager to treat you well.

still. still. these irrational thoughts keep plaguing his mind, ugly feelings blooming in his chest when images of you with another man settle in the corners of his subconscious. it's difficult to focus when you could be elsewhere locking hands with someone other than him, cheery laughter spilling from your lips as dappled sunlight makes you glow gold. you could be elsewhere wrapped in another man's embrace, protected from the chilly wind within his heat as he whispers sweet nothings to your ear. you could be...

you could be perfectly happy without him.

ayato hasn't spent much time with you, if at all. you didn't have any meaningful conversations, any beautiful memories you could look back on.

but that was because he didn't give you a chance to. he chose to disregard your existence, deliberately avoided reciprocating your efforts to connect. he didn't see you for who you were, he looked at you as the person he wanted you to be—someone vile, someone shallow, someone easy to despise.

and no matter how many rumors there are reporting how you supposedly begged your parents to establish an arranged marriage between you and ayato, he knew better: you should've been as miserable as he was about it. you never asked to get married either.

at first, he thought you already fell in love with him the first time you saw him; your eyes were sparkling with joy. but now that he thinks about it, perhaps you were just relieved you weren't about to get married to someone twice your age. he looked fairly decent, far from the horrific men you'd hear about disrespecting their spouses when they marry into the family. if it was him, known for his fair ruling in his territory, being married probably wouldn't be too bad.

and ayato had fantastically ruined that impression of himself by being the biggest dickwad possible.

so he hastily makes his move—he sends flowers to your doorstep, writes heartfelt letters referencing love poems. he still doesn't have the time to visit in person, but he gives you jewelry and hairpins he thinks would look good on you and hopes he can see you wearing them the next time you meet. he recalls every piece of information you've shared with him and gifts you books you expressed interest for in the few times you talked, presents you with tea leaves you once told him you wanted to try but haven't gotten an opportunity to due to its rarity.

ayato knows best how rumors tend to exaggerate the subject matter. surely, your relationship with the lord hasn't progressed too far. you've yet to call off the engagement, but ayato shouldn't be complacent either. he should make his intentions clear—he's not giving up on you.

after two weeks of this charade, you rush to the kamisato estate, red-faced and flustered and considerably confused. ayato smiles at the blue crystals adorning your bracelet, familiar with its design. (he picked it out himself, after all.)

“i apologize for my... absence,” you can't find the proper words to say it, gaze flitting from one place to another. you find it difficult to meet his eyes. no matter; ayato finds that shyness cute, too. “i was preoccupied– but!”

your formal tone disappears immediately as you hasten to say, “please don't listen to the rumors about me! i really, really haven't been seeing someone else!”

...???

“i'm very sorry for failing to include in my letters the details about the festival our territory celebrates.” at this, you bow deeply, thus missing the dumbfounded expression on his face, looking incredibly stupid. “in truth, i've been busy with preparations the past month... the lord i've been meeting with is known for the silks his household provides, and we commissioned him our clothes for the festival rites. he's very knowledgeable about perfumes as well, he gave me samples of- oh, i have some on me i thought ayaka might like! of course, i have some for you too, but i can't guarantee you'll like it...” you wince at that, smile turning sheepish. “i did try my best basing off your preferences, but i apologize if it isn't to your satisfaction.”

numbly, he gestures for a servant to accept the gift, fixing his expression into something more blank rather than an obvious display of his thoughts. his very, very messy thoughts, the few he can manage to think amidst the pure shock at the revelation. “i... i see. i appreciate the thought.”

you fidget at his robotic way of speaking, feeling awkward. “did you perhaps... believe the rumors?”

his heart breaks when your voice trails off at the end of your sentence, shrinking to yourself in shame. “absolutely not,” he says. you know, like a liar.

“then that's a relief!” your lips stretch to a relieved smile, punching another spike of guilt to his chest. “i feared you would think lowly of me.”

“ridiculous,” he states, tone unwavering. it takes you slightly aback, and warmth bleeds into his next words, coaxing a deeper red to tint your ears, “i like you a lot more than you think.”

oh, you have no idea.

it doesn't take a detective to know you have a massive crush on heizou.

the way you can't meet his gaze, the flush high on your cheeks, the nervous stutter in your words when you invite him for a stroll around town; heizou would have to be an idiot not to notice. unfortunately for you, he is far from one, so he notices every stare you pin to his figure, every quiver of your lips as you fight back a smile when he looks back, every sign of your elation as he makes his presence known.

and, well. maybe it is a little amusing to watch you squirm. heizou doesn't consider himself a cruel man, but he'd be lying if he said he doesn't enjoy seeing you worked up because of him.

he wonders what you find so charming. pursuing romance has never been a high priority for him, flaunting his appealing traits to potential partners lesser so, and as honorable chasing after criminals can be, he doesn't think anyone would find that attractive in the romantic sense.

more often than not, he's told to be too dedicated in his job, which he would normally take as a compliment, thank you very much, but he does see how it could be a flaw as a spouse. it's pretty much general knowledge he can't guarantee his undivided attention for anyone, even his special person (that he's not very eager to find right now).

once, you commented as such, teasing him he won't be able to get a significant other at this rate. jokes on you—from what heizou can see, you're a willing volunteer now.

before, though, was entirely different. in fact, you couldn't even call yourselves friends until just recently. your interactions were hardly noteworthy, simply exchanging cordial greetings when you ran into each other on the road or sharing the briefest conversations if the situation called for it.

you only became proper friends when you got involved in one of heizou's cases and helped him through it. turns out you were extremely compatible all along, to the extent heizou regretted not befriending you earlier. you're bubbly and cheerful, always making him laugh when you crack the most unexpected of jokes. even in companionable silence, he felt a little brighter and optimistic—you were like a positive ball of sunshine, a great pal to have.

so he received the shock of a lifetime when he first began to notice signs of your budding crush.

your easy-going smiles looked tighter, eyes not quite focused on his face, hands fidgeting behind your back. at the start, heizou thought maybe you did something wrong, or you were hiding something from him...

then you were blushing, asking him if he was free after work. heizou is ashamed to admit his brain had gone completely blank that time, truly empty with the exception of your face flashing in his mind, holy fuck, you're blushing, you've never done that before.

he doesn't remember his response. still can't, even now. but what he does remember is how your face lit up when he said something, eyes sparkly with enthusiasm. you talked about some trendy restaurant that just opened around the block but heizou could hardly hear your explanation over the sound of his heart hammering in his chest. the new revelation had his blood rushing, and he really, really didn't know what to think of you.

weeks later, he finds you cute.

the initial panic wore off and now he enjoys seeing you flail around. you're cute when you're clumsy, tripping over air when you make eye contact with him. you're cute when you get embarrassed, woken up by heizou when you accidentally fall asleep on his shoulder. you're cute when you're shy, stammering as you offer to walk home together.

you're cute, and heizou has to do something about that soon.

not once has he thought to distance himself from you upon realizing your feelings. sure, it felt awkward at the beginning, but if there was something he was certain of, it was that he didn't want to lose you. now, he wanted to be closer than ever, the closest he's ever been to another person.

apparently, you didn't get the memo because you're the one distancing yourself from him.

it's not hard to guess what you're thinking. you're probably getting worried you're being too obvious about your feelings, missing all the blatant signs that point to heizou feeling the same, and feeling the very delayed horror of being rejected.

no, seriously. it's very delayed. you're supposed to be scared first before you think of hitting on someone. all of your concerns are void anyway; heizou has known about your crush ages ago.

you're surprisingly good at hiding. heizou has been missing you by a hair, all of his acquaintances claiming to see you some time around the day conveniently when he isn't present. there are traces of you everywhere, trails from your favorite snack stall to the bookstore you frequent to the flower fields you help take care of, but he could never catch you on time. his frustration is nearly overriding his rationality, even though he knows for a fact putting up wanted posters of your face would be a bad, bad idea.

fine, he thinks. i'll lure you out myself.

and that, he does.

one of the few things he first learned about you is your curiosity; when a mystery piques your interest, you won't rest easy until it's solved. that's why you began to follow him around, watching him dig through secrets and piece together deductions. you have a fascination with the unknown, and heizou knows best how to take advantage of it.

he leaves bait, a simple riddle scrawled on a sticky note posted on your office desk to make you scratch your head. when you take it too lightly and ignore it, he steals your prized hairpin—a birthday gift he gave you a year ago—as a warning. in panic, you provide a correct answer, and the very next day, the hairpin is back on your table, together with a brand new barrette considerably nicer in quality.

the next mysteries continue in a similar pattern; a reward for the right answer, a punishment for the wrong one. he makes you solve puzzles, decipher secret code, unravel riddles—each time, you complain about the work and your determination not to seek out heizou for help chips away, but you've never showed any indication of conceding defeat. you're determined to find the “thief” who's always threatening to rob your possessions if you don't play along his silly games and confront him once and for all.

finally, heizou is finished preparing his greatest puzzle yet—a grand treasure hunt encompassing the entire town. it's a big project involving a large number of people, some of which have probably caught onto his intentions, but heizou wills away his embarrassment; if he lets his shame get to him, then nothing will change.

he's had enough of playing hide and seek.

and as your hand grips the final letter, eyes sweeping over the provocative message, the clock ticks closer to the grand finale—

“i have one last trick; don't worry, if you're lucky, it'll end quick.

beneath the stars, find the treasure by nine. if you fail to catch the prize, i will take back what is mine.”

(a worthless threat—how could he take back his heart that's always been yours?)

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact headcanons #genshin x reader #genshin impact scenarios #ayato #kamisato ayato #ayato x reader #kamisato ayato x reader #genshin x you #ayato x you #heizou x reader #heizou x you

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suninyourmoon · 1 year

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ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS (2)

🗣 Not professional astrologer! It’s only based on my own experience, people that i know, and self-observation. So please take with grain of salt! :D

Venus in Libra peeps could be those who keep nagging about how they want a relationship so bad. (i know a few people in my life with this placement and they can't stop complaining about how single they are help)

Leo moon are lying to themselves if they say they don't like attention. (perhaps don't realize it yet?)

A lot of Venus in Virgo people that i know at some point in their life will questioning whether they really want a marriage or not. (yeah me too)

Someone said "i can't see myself getting married. I don't know, it seems unrealistic to me" yeah you are Virgo Venus in 12th house retrograde.

I mean, Venus in Virgo itself already make this person picky when it comes to love, and then the confusion and unrealistic idea they had because of the neptune influence. And in retrograde? jeez. i believe they have been in a relationship but then the relationship they had never meet their expentation because this people have a hopeless romantic idea of what romance is.

Venus in Sagittarius / 9th need a lot of freedom. Have a special place for foreigner in ther heart. Love someone who can keep up with their wild energy. Love people who is aware of society problem. Might also into smart people. Probably like to joke around with people close to their heart as well. (or people in general)

Moon in 7th house / Moon in Libra find comfort from being around people.

or they might feel the need to be in a relationship so that they won't feel lonely. Might dealing with co-dependency. (i know it's not your fault but please seek theraphy)

Friend of mine have 7th stellium (5 planet) and i swear to god, the attachment issues they have with is not a joke. They struggle with being on their own and need someone approval in every aspect of their life. Feel like they are incomplete if they're single. Too selfless, too giving. Later in life, people with this placement might have to realize that they should learn to stand on their on feet.

Neptune in 3rd house might having a hard time to communicate what they want to say. They also might say something they don't mean.

Uranus in 3rd house saying something in such a random way. i can't understand you sometimes,,,,,,

Chiron in 2nd house peeps could deal with feeling unworthy and feel unsave. They could feel guilty if they spend money on themselves. My Friend with this placement struggle with fear of end up lacking money all the time.

TW : ED!

i've met a few people with Chiron in 1st house, all of them stuggle with self-image and body dysmorphia, and also struggling with Eating Disorder. :(

END OF WARNING

Those with Jupiter and Saturn together in 8th House will likely to be extremely wealthy. They are hardworking and blessed with money.

They might also are curious about the deeper things in live, spirituality and the theme around 8th house but at the same times fear of the unknown and uncertainty. They might be those people who want to dive deeper into sex (or just have high energy on that) and desire devoted relatonship but hold themselves back and blocking themself from intimate relationship because a deep fear of commitment. It's very frustasing when jupiter and saturn are in the same house.

this is actually synasty thingy but i felt like i need to mention this, DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE 8TH HOUSE SYNASTRY WITH WHEN YOU’RE NOT READY AT ALL🩸👄🩸 i have my experience with someone who my planets fall into their 8th house (stellium), and they are OBSESSES. I help bring their true and darker side of them so now they’re attach on me, it’s sorta my fault for trying to fix them tho that’s why i’m telling you stop messing around with this synastry if you’re not ready.

8th house placement… did astrology became your free therapy because they can validate ur emotion and understand you so damn well? Same👍🏻

Mercury-Saturn aspect, i know it’s a good thing to be careful with ur words but please say something if you really want to say it. You literally limiting ur self sometimes and overthinks a lot

There someone i know said that they don't know how to get mad and have Mars-Saturn aspect. These people (Could be Saturn in 8th house as well) might been told during their childhood that it's wrong let their temper loose so then growing up they feel guilty to express their anger and try to burry those temper.

They also could be those who struggle with supressed sexuality.

idk but my mom have Scorpio Mars and used to make a lot of sexual jokes during my childhood. (please don't do that)

Sagittarius Asc peeps i knew in the first impression look so innocently religious and calm, and they always turns out to be not. Like, literally

Thats it✨ thankyou sm and you can give me a feedback 💥 cheers peeps🫶

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dontexpectmuch · 3 months

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part 1 - lost in madrid

author note: building the story line is so annoying but also so important. meh

part two

series.masterlist

“and this is where we have group meetings, or more like study sessions. you will have your own group of spanish speakers that need to learn how to speak english, but that won’t be a problem for you, yes?”

hernan is a nice guy, around his forties and really tall. he is also very good looking, you note, but his good looks are nothing compared to his kindness. the second you stepped in the room, he took you under his wing, making sure that you felt comfortable in this foreign situation.

“yes, no problem.” you smile up at him, your hands behind your back as you follow him through the building.

it’s your second day here, the first was spent with sorting out all the paperwork and other issues. now, you have hernan as your instructor, following and helping you along your time here at the center.

moving away from the room, you find yourselves outside a football field, the sun’s heat greeting you immediately.

though you are used to warm weather, the heat in spain was something you would still have to get used to, especially at nights. you could feel the heat in your cheeks already, and the back of your neck was a bit clammy. however, nothing could stop you from enjoying your time here, it all feels like a dream.

“is the field for the workers here?” you interrupt the comfortable silence between hernan and yourself, eyes moving to look at his tanned face.

“ah, yes. sometimes.” he laughs, scratching the back of his head, “as you know, we work together with sports teams, since they have many foreign players that do not speak the language yet. here, we train them as well, specifically practice the different commands needed for their sport.” nodding at his explanation, you look back at the field, which resembles a football stadium.

“but i won’t be teaching those, will i?”

hernan nods, “not teaching, but you will watch them, only to understand how our coaches work with them when teaching.”

“ah.”

the two of you continue the tour around the center while also meeting different groups of people. some of them being your future colleagues, while others are students that will be attending the group sessions here.

towards the end of the tour you move back to the staff room, discussing the last few details before you part ways, agreeing to meet up at the same time to get you started tomorrow.

bidding your goodbyes on your way out is the last thing you register before you feel a shoulder bump into yours, pushing you against the wall.

“ow, what the fuck.” you mutter looking up to see the person that basically rammed against the wall. but, to your dismay, he already walks away, loudly laughing at something his friend next to him says.

scoffing, you straighten up, “rude.”

———————————————————————————

the next day arrives faster than you anticipated, making your stomach turn due to your nerves. you didn’t know how to explain it, it isn’t your first time teaching people, but laying wide awake in your bed the night before made you overthink everything, creating bizarre scenarios.

however, when you arrive in the staff room, you are immediately told by hernan that you will not teach a class today, but spend your first day out on the field, accompanying the next two practical classes.

“señor lagarde, ¡buenos días!” you follow hernan up to the man on the sidelines, he looks older than hernan, pepper and salt hair messily sitting on top of his head. he wasn’t tall, and seemed rather unathletic, but you are no one to judge.

“ah, hermano, how have you been?” hugging one another, both men exchange a bit small talk before both of their eyes fall onto you.

“hello.” you greet señor lagarde, him returning your smile.

“come here! you will love it!” he waves you over to him, pulling you against his side with his arm around your shoulder, “i mostly yell at them, but they learn something, i swear.” he laughs, hernan following suit.

“if you have any other questions, just ask señor, he knows pretty much everything that would be important for you.” hernan explains, saying his goodbye and going back inside the center.

señor lagarde removes his arm from your shoulder, hands now behind his back as he looks ahead.

“my boys are all very nice, you will like them. they come after their spanish lessons and just try to speak spanish while doing their training. i give them instructions in spanish.” he begins to explain, watching the first few people walk onto the pitch.

following his gaze, you speak up, “well, do you think they understand everything you say? or do they still piece it together from bits?”

humming, he looks down at his shoes before looking up again, “i have a few boys, they have been here for a few months, they can understand me well. but we have some that have only been here for a week or two. they usually just follow the others.”

“so, like a child learning from gestures.” you conclude.

getting immersed into your conversation and writing down your thoughts, you fail to notice the shouts directed towards you, being met with a ball shot at your face as soon as you look up.

you fall back against your seat, an indescribable pain spreading across your face and down your neck. your ears ring as you press your eyes shut, moving your hands up to hold your head.

“oh, fuck.”

“¡dios mío! are you okay?” señor lagardes voice feels like distant vibration, like you are under water with no way out.

your brain feels like it would explode, like it is being squeezed by your skull in an unpleasant way.

“señor i am, so, fuck, i am so sorry.” you make out another voice, now a bit clearer, though you couldn’t open your eyes.

breathing in deeply, you lift up your head and open your eyes, hissing quietly when you are met with the brightness provided by the sun.

“i am, eh, mucho, mucho siento.” the second voice, dipped in a deep british accent, was now closer to your ears, and you can feel a hand on your shoulder.

you try to open your eyes once more, tears stinging them and the pulsating feeling in your face prominent as ever.

“shit.” you try to blink away the tears, in- and exhaling to calm your nerves.

as you calm down a bit, you try to look around, seeing señor lagarde and another guy in front of you. señors face is painted in a deep worry, eyes wide and eyebrows raised, the other guy mirroring his expression.

“can you hear me, linda? are you okay?” señors voice was soft, almost fatherly.

nodding, you swallow the lump inside your throat, “i just, it really hurts.” you make out, voice raspy.

“here.” the other guy offers you a water bottle, already opening its lid for you.

taking that bottle, you quietly thank him, gulping down the water as calmly as you can.

“that was a hell of a shoot.” you say afterwards, looking at him.

“yeah, sorry about that.”

silence settles between you three, you decide to close your eyes again and lean your head against your seat.

señor lagarde breaks the silence, helping you get up with one hand around your torso, the other slinging your arm around his shoulder “we should get you checked up, yes? we have a nurse here.”

“sure.”

“jude,” señor turns his head to the guy, jude, “volver al campo.“

jude nods, looking at you one last time before joining his friends back on the field.

señor helps you to walk to the nurse, explaining to her what happened before going back, but not before telling you that you should go home after the check up, promising to not tell anyone.

and that is what you do, after the nurse checked everything, she tells you to rest for the remainder of the day, stressing the point of drinking loads of water and monitoring your own wellbeing as much as you can.

and even though it took you longer than usual to arrive home, you immediately change into comfortable clothes and move to your bathroom to wash your face. that is when you see your own reflection after the accident for the first time.

“what. the. hell.”

you are met with your own, very red, reflection. the pulsation has died down a bit, but your face still feels numb. you can consider yourself lucky for not having a broken nose or a concussion, because that hit was something that could’ve sent you to another dimension.

“fucking baller.” you scoff, washing your face softly.

hopefully this would be your last accident on the field you think, making a mental note to sit down at a more secured place next time.

#jude bellingham #football one shot #football x reader #x reader #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham x you #football #jude bellingham fluff

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f1gments · 1 year

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The Moon and His Sun - Hayakawa Aki

You come to him like a breath of fresh air, cleansing his soul, his entire existence. You fill the once empty void in his chest. He finds solace in every part of you. You're his sun, and he’s your moon. Home is not a place, but where you are, waiting for him with open arms.

author’s note: added a photo of aki in ep 6 because it’s how I actually imagined him. 🥰

Thinking about how you and Aki are sitting at the balcony, just sitting in one another's embrace one late night while you remember the day when you two first meet and speak of the possible future you might or might not have with each other. Also I feel like "Bouquet" by Ichiko Aoba goes really well with this imagine.

tags/content warnings: fluff, slight mutual pining, slight angst, slight mentions of sex but it's not that detailed.

word count: 3.5k words (not proofread btw)

Judging by the angle of the moonlight illuminating the apartment, it is clear that it is currently a time that both you and Aki should most definitely, be completely dead asleep. But going to bed early is a foreign concept for the two of you. On most nights like this, when Denji and Power have long gone to bed, you and Aki spend time together after a tiring day of work – huddled up on the balcony, just enjoying each other's presence with cigarette smoke filling the air.

“Hey Aki.” you say, breaking the comfortable silence as your head lays on his shoulder, staring straight ahead at the view of the urban area in front of you.

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever thought about what you wanted to be if we didn’t have devils and weren’t in Public Safety?”

Aki remains silent in thought. There were many times he’d think about what he could’ve been if those damn devils didn’t exist. If the sole thought of a person’s fear didn’t lead them to appear out of nowhere.

“Well, I’ve always enjoyed watching people play baseball, so maybe a baseball player. Or a detective.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Detective, huh?”

“Yeah. I used to watch tons of crime documentaries and I always thought the investigations and the process of it all was interesting.”

“Now that you mention it, I kinda see you as detective. I think it would suit you well.” you grin. His lips tug up slightly to give you a small smile in return.

Aki then mentions his younger brother Taiyo when you ask him what makes him want to be a baseball player.

“You remember him, right?” he asks before taking a long inhale from the menthol flavored cigarette.

You tilt your head up to look at the doleful look on his face while he stares out towards the other buildings facing you. You nod slowly, recalling the few times he’d share his memories about him and his deceased sibling, and the tragedy that happened to him along with his parents when the gun devil showed up in Japan – killing 57,912 people in its wake.

Aki gazes at you softly, exhaling a puff of smoke from the menthol stick held between his fingers. “How about you,y/n? What did you want to be?”

You hum in thought. Frankly, there were many things that you wanted to be. Many things you wanted to accomplish if you were given a chance to live a normal life.

“I’d probably be a lawyer, or a teacher.”

He tells you that you would suit either of those. He admires the way you’re passionate about standing up for others and seeking justice - how you have a big heart and give out kindness to those who don’t even deserve it. He loves that you complete him, like a puzzle piece that was made to fit exactly into the once empty slot of his chest. You were the bright and vivid colors that painted his once dull and grey world. He loves how you instantly make his day better with your smile and sounds of laughter on days when memories of his haunting past weigh on his mind. Sometimes he feels like you weren’t real. That you were an ethereal being with the most prettiest face. You’re an anchor that keeps him grounded.

“And what if we hadn’t crossed paths? Do you think we’d be as happy as we are now?” you ask him this time.

“I know I wouldn’t be. You’re the reason I look forward to getting up everyday.”

“I used to think that life was meaningless and being happy wasn’t maybe isn’t meant for everyone.” he tells you while looking you in the eyes genuinely.

“But you changed that for me. I’m grateful that the universe was kind enough to turn my lonely days into happy ones by gifting me with you.” he murmurs, taking the back of your hand to his lips to give it a gentle peck before he rests it on his lap to gently caress it with his thumb.

Your giggle shyly at his confession, fingers fiddling with the metal black promise ring that’s sitting on your other hand that Aki had given you on your second year of being together. You tell him you’d probably be out there somewhere living a miserable single life since chivalry is dead with most men nowadays.

He tells you that would be impossible since someone as pretty as you would have many admirers and sooner or later you’d let one of them sweep you off your feet. To which you deny and it makes you think back to how you and Aki ended up dating in the first place.

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

He lets out a chuckle, reminiscing the nostalgic moments of your first meeting.

"Always."

Flashback

There's someone I'd like you to meet." says Makima to you and during that moment the door opens and in strides a tall young man who looked about two or three years older than you were. A katana sits on on the back of the neat black suit he wears. Dark and inky blue locks from his wispy bangs frame the rather emotionless look on his face. The man keeps his gaze straight ahead with his hands clasped behind his back, head held high. Despite the stoic expression on him, you find that he looks very handsome.

"Hayakawa. This is Y/N. She'll be joining us from now on and she'll be your new partner." Said Makima.

"What about Himeno, ma'am?" he questions. His voice is deep and although it comes out monotonous you can’t help but find it rather attractive.

"She'll be Kishibe's partner as of now." Makima responds shortly before scribbling away at a document on her desk.

You turn to look at Aki, whose midnight blue irises are already staring at you with an unreadable look - though it almost seems as if he’s examining you. From the way his eyes flicker to yours, down to your lips then briefly at your figure before he completely breaks off eye contact with you and turns his head to look ahead once again.

"I'm Aki. Nice to meet you."

"Hello, Aki. Likewise. I'm y/n."'

He doesn't know what it is, but something about the mere way you say his name in a honeyed tone has him fighting back a blush.

You follow Aki from behind onto the bustling street of city slickers and business suits out on your first time of patrolling. Aki doesn't say more than a few sentences of explaining what usually happens during a patrol should the both of you encounter any devils. There isn’t much of any devil activity that day so you both head back to the headquarters.

You don't ask many questions and you only speak unless you're spoken to and Aki prefers it that way since he really can't be bothered to explain the whole works of everything.

Thankfully the both of you work well together and you there was this one time you managed to surprise Aki when you deal with decapitating a medium level devil all by yourself.

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and after being promoted by Makima, you're now in the same ranking as he is. And within that period of time, the both of you can't help but notice the mutual attraction that's blossoming between you. It starts of as shy glances from one another across the office, to the brief bumping on one another’s elbow or brushes of fingers whenever the both of you are next to each other. But you're both not sure whether to let it turn into something more from there or even address the subject matter.

On top of that, you notice the way Himeno eyes Aki on the few missions you all go on together along with her Kishibe, who's another senior in the division. You can tell that she has a thing for him and as much as you would like to pursue your feelings for Aki, you decide that beefing with another girl to win the mans heart is something you can't be bothered with. So you idly watch them through the window of your office when you see her link arms with him in the hallway, asking him if he wants to join her for lunch. It’s only normal to feel a tad bit of jealousy when you see your crush (you know it sounds childish) get touched by someone else. Especially if that someone else shares the same feelings for him as you do.

Surprisingly though, Aki moves her arm off him to turn down her invitation, telling her that has to meet up with Makima during that time. You know that he's lying because he's avoiding eye contact and you're his partner - if Makima actually wanted to see him, you’d be the first to know.

While Aki's just plain awkward when it comes to women and relationships, you on the other hand can't remember the last time you even kissed a guy.

Speaking of kissing, your first kiss with Aki happens on a nondescript Friday evening after work - everyone has left and it's just you and Aki in the office packing up your bags to head home. For the first time ever since the day you joined Public Safety, Aki takes the initiative to walk over to your desk, hands in his pockets as he struggles to find the proper words to ask if you wanted to join him for a few drinks without embarrassing himself.

"So um," He clears his throat as he feels his cheeks slowly begin to heat up. "I was wondering if you were free to join me after this, for drinks."

You slowly turn your head to look up while you blink at him silently at the sudden invitation, but then you smile and give him a nod.

“I’d like that.”

Aki takes a deep breath and his eyes slightly light up while he tries contain the excitement from your response which makes you laugh. Your grin grows wider when you notice the tips of his ears becoming red.

You're both now sat next to each other at a hidden bar Aki frequently comes to on days where he feels like he needs a glass or two to allow him to relax a little after an exhausting day of work. There aren't many people in the bar - just the both of you along with two other patrons siting at the far corner of the place and the young bartender whose occupied with a clean towel in hand to wipe a shot glass.

Smooth jazz plays in the background at a low volume as Aki motions over to him with an upward nod. "I'll have the usual."

The bartender flashes him a smile before he turns to you. "Got it. And what'll your pretty friend be having?"

"I'll have a whiskey sour." You smile.

A few hours and about five or six glasses later, you start to feel a little buzzed from the alcohol in your system. Thankfully you're not completely drunk so you're still able to hold a proper conversation or two. The same goes for Aki who is able to hold his liquor well, but there had been some nights where he would pass out cold in the bar to have the bartender wake him during up closing time.

Tonight was probably the most you and Aki speak compared to the times you both are at work where only a few sentences are shared between you both and they have nothing to do with your personal lives.

A couple clicks sound from a lighter going off makes you turn to see Aki lighting up a cigarette. The light from the flame of the lighter reflects onto his face, forming a shadow on his handsome features. He has his usual hairstyle down in its natural state and you can't help but to stare at him.

His eyes shift to yours, blowing out the smoke from his lips away from your direction. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"You're pretty." You tell him, grinning lazily. Maybe it was the alcohol that gave you the courage to say that.

Aki's eyes widen and he inhales sharply, letting out an shy gasp as his cheeks turn an even more rosy colour than the one that’s already staining his cheeks due to the alcohol he’d been drinking.

The bartender witnesses all of this and he lets out an amused chuckle. Aki gives him an annoyed side eye to which the bartender raises his arms up in surrender. Aki slides him a few bills and tells you that maybe it's time to get you home before you end up getting even more drunk.

You're now walking side by side at a comfortable distance next to each other, on the way to your place. You shiver slightly at the cool night breeze that swirls around the both of you. It's late but thankfully there are a few cars driving pass the both of you and although most of the shops in the area are closed, there are still lights illuminating your surroundings.

"Hey Aki. Are you seeing anyone right now?" you ask out of nowhere.

Aki shakes his head. "No. Why?"

You shrug. "No reason. Just wonder why a handsome guy like you doesn't have a girl waiting for you at home."

You hear him chuckle for the first time ever because usually Aki only ever lets out so much as an amused exhale from his nose during your conversations - barely even smiles to anyone at work. He isn't one to show that many emotions from what you experience in being his partner.

"First you call me pretty and now you think I'm handsome?"

"Just telling the truth." you shrug with a grin this time.

The mood seems to shift, the amused expression falling off his face once he sees realizes that this is the chance for him to finally confess his feelings to you. You're both currently stranding underneath a non functioning street light.

"There is someone I like though." he murmurs as he stands a little closer in front of you.

You don't want to get your hopes up but you feel like you already get feeling of who it is. Nevertheless you ask who it could be.

"I'm looking right at her." he tells you. It isn’t a second later that he initiates the kiss by leaning forward to press his lips firmly against your soft ones. The kiss itself tastes like a mix between a minty taste of the cigarettes Aki had been smoking and the drinks you had earlier.

It's an innocent kiss. No movement - no tongue. Just the both of you feeling the sensation of each other's lips and how they feel pressed against one another. But Aki lets out a soft groan when he tastes the minty cherry flavor from what's left of your lip-gloss. That's when he decides to pull away so that he doesn't end up being greedy to deepen the kiss.

Aki watches as there's a shade of vivid coral dusting your cheeks - and he feels that his cheeks are doing the same. He clears his throat, nervously stumbling over his words to apologize to you before he regains his posture. Aki takes a deep breath before he gazes at you with one of his serious expressions.

"I like you."

You grin shyly at him. "I like you too."

The first few months of dating after that is a learning process for the both of you since you’re both not at all that experienced in relationships. But Aki does his research on finding out what girls like and dislike. What makes them happy and sad. (He also hesitantly went up to Kishibe one day for a few tips from since the older male seems to have experience when it comes to women) He puts all the effort into anytime time he takes you out on dates and you notice that Aki slowly cracks open his hard-outer shell for you. He smiles more when he’s with you – he’s gentler when speaking to you, and he makes sure to stay attentive to all the things you have to say.

Aki loves hearing you speak. He could fall asleep to the soft and gentle tone of your voice.

The relationship progresses with stolen kisses from him in the empty hallways or office. The journey back home after work consists of holding each other’s hands and the sharing of one another’s life stories.

Most of your colleagues at work have become aware of your discreet relationship with Aki – even Himeno. She was with Kishibe then, when they catch you and Aki making out at his desk. You're straddling your boyfriend when the two of them walk in with an astonished expression on their faces. They were about to invite the both of you for lunch, but it seems apparently you were both already busy with eating each others faces off.

Himeno chuckles dryly at the scene. "Geez, just get a room already." she mutters as she pushes past Kishibe to walk back out the room.

The blonde haired male on the other hand finds this somewhat amusing and he throws a wink at the two of you telling Aki to make sure he puts a wrapper on it, before he exits the room with his hands in his pockets. Aki's covering his face in embarrassment while you only giggle at his reaction.

You were both each other’s first. It was a rainy afternoon filled with giddy laughter, trembling hands and hungry kisses. Although he was big, it didn’t hurt like you expected it to but the first few moments after he pushes himself into you feels a little strange but soon that turns into pleasure and Aki thinks that he can never get enough of the way you’re begging for more under him, crying out his name.

“I love you.” He tells you once you both come down from the euphoric high of your orgasms. The rain is pitter pattering against the windows, and the room is filled with the smell of sex, cigarettes along with the scent of your warm vanilla perfume that Aki loves so much. You lay your bare chest on his, pecking him on the cheek, making him blush even after was buried deep inside you a few moments earlier.

“I love you too, Aki.”

End of flashback

The sun begins to slowly peek from the horizon, a light shade of tangerine and coral lining the sky.

Thankfully you didn’t have work in the few hours to come so the both of you remain sat at the balcony, sitting comfortably with cigarette smoke surrounding you, talking about anything and everything that came to mind. Aki then begins grumbling how your lives were more peaceful before those two rascals came to ruin it. You let out an airy laugh telling him that they were nothing but individuals who found comfort in the solace of you and Aki’s home. (Somewhere along the way, you decide to move in with Aki since he had given you a spare key to his apartment during your ninth month of being together.)

Aki glances at you. Taking in your breath-taking beauty. He considers himself lucky to have someone as understanding and loving as you by his side. Someone who’s able to accept the deepest, darkest parts of him. Someone who’s also independent when you needed to be, and strong when you face any devils together. A sudden sadness washes over him when he thinks of the days he has left on his life. He wonders how you’ll be able to deal with his loss one day. He can’t help but feel a little jealous if you were to find someone else other than him to share intimate moments with.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” you hum, interrupting him from his deep thoughts.

“Our future.”

“What about it?”

“Just about who’s going to take care of you when I’m gone.” He says, pulling you onto his lap, burying his face into your neck to inhale the soft florally scent of your shampoo. You’re aware of his decreasing life span from the contract he made with the devils he’d come across.

You caress his hair gently, giving him a loving kiss on the forehead. “Aki, look at me.”

The man looks up at you with an unreadable expression. You cup both his cheeks, stroking your them with your thumb. “You don’t have to worry about a thing. If anything happens, I can handle it by myself. You know that, don’t you?”

He nods wordlessly.

“And if you’re worried about me finding someone else, you don’t have to worry about that either. My heart and soul belong to you. I am yours, as you are mine. Right?” You tell him. Aki gives you a boyish smile, something you see often now but it never ceases to give you butterflies in your stomach.

“I am yours.” He replies before capturing your chin with his thumb and index finger, kissing you passionately on the lips. He groans when you bite down on his bottom lip, making you smirk. He pulls away to give you a look.

“Careful. Don’t start what you can’t finish.” He warns. But his words only make you smirk even wider.

You make a joke how you’re both practically in a contract with one another just like with the contract he makes with the devils he’s come across. You then say that he would probably be the love devil with the way you’re madly in love with him.

Aki rolls his eyes with a scoff. “That’s so cheesy. That’s not even how it works,y/n.”

You snicker. “I know but one of us has to be the comedian in this relationship.” You tell him to which he rolls his eyes again. Then, you notice the mischievous glint swimming in his eyes as he asks you. “You know what devil you’d be?”

You shake your head. Aki smirks as he reaches up to whisper in your ear. “You’d be the sex fiend.”

You slap him on the chest playfully, making him laugh before gently cups your face as he kisses you on the lips once more.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Aki.”

©️ don’t repost or claim my work as yours that’s all i ask.

this was something very random. just got inspired by the song i mentioned at the top. big fan of ichko aoba's music :)

#aki x reader #aki hayakawa #aki fluff #aki chainsaw man #aki hayakawa imagine #hayakawa aki #hayakawa aki headcanon #csm aki #csm imagine #chainsaw man #csm #aki hayakawa x reader #aki smut #hayakawa aki x reader #i love him much he makes me soft #aki hayakawa headcanons #csm headcanons #chainsaw man aki

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axelsagewrites · 1 year

Text

Most People Say Goodbye - Part Two

Pairing: Sandor x F!Bolton!Reader

Summary: Sandor and (Y/N) have a secret relationship at kings landing which crumbles when he disappears after the battle of blackwater. Eventually though your paths cross again

TW: swearing (its the hound so you could guess lol)

Requested by Annon

Words: 1699

Part One Here

Masterlist Here

Daenerys presents brought both an uneasy feeling but a strange amount of relief. Or maybe that was the alcohol everyone was clearly drowning in. as you approached the hall you could hear the laughter, the talking, the joy. You only wished you could partake as well but you had to find Sandor.

You had barely entered the hall when Jon had called you over. Your eyes scanned for Sandor as you approached the top table, but you couldn’t see him. “Hey Jon,” you greeted him and he stood to hug you. “I’m glad you made it back in one piece.”

“All thanks to her. (Y/N) meet Daenerys,” Jon grinned.

You did the basic formalities, not really caring about a foreign queen right now but not as upset as Sansa appeared to be. You could see the annoyance seeping out of Sansa the longer you spoke to the dragon queen so finally when you saw a gap in conversation you pardoned yourself.

“Thank gods you managed to escape her,” Sansa whispered as you sat beside her.

You elbowed the girl, “Look im all down for whatever bitch fit you wanna have,” you said, “but can you tell me how much you hate the girl your brothers clearly fucking *after* you tell me where the hell Sandor is?”

“Your right im sorry,” she said giving you a sympathetic smile, “I saw him sitting with some of the wildlings. That giant guy. Not the giant giant the-“

“The guy who apparently got nursed by one? Yeah that’s Tormund,” You had become friends with many of the wildlings when they first arrived as you tended to their wounded and sick. Tormund was one of the ones you grew closest too. “Sometimes he makes me wonder if Jon is secretly gay,”

Sansa looked out into the crowd, “Yeah, I get what you mean,” you looked out to where she was staring to see the hound sitting by Tormund. Tormund was talking at Sandor will he clearly only cared about his stew and ale. “They’d be cute together. In a weird way. But enough about Jon and me and the dragon woman. You’re here for him, aren’t you?”

You sighed as you stared at him suddenly feeling as small as a bug. “Yeah,” you whispered, “I don’t think I can do it,”

“You can and you will. We have survived so much (Y/N) don’t let him break you,” Sansa took your hands, “and if he’s does anything to offend you in any way I will get the knights of the vale to take care of him,”

“Damn you’ve gotten mean,”

“Can you blame me? He hurt you (Y/N) and I never want to see you hurt again,”

“If only life was that simple,” you looked back to where Sandor sat but this time your eyes met. His mouth was agape and he looked sadder than you had ever seen. Your heart ached but you knew you had to go to him, “Its time I guess,”

“Good luck,” Sansa squeezed your hands and slowly you rose from your chair, smoothed out your dress, and walked through the tables and chairs until you stood in front of him.

“(Y/N)! Have you come to hear of our adventure?” Tormund bellowed as you approached.

You smiled at him, “Later Tormund. Can I borrow you Sandor?” he was already on his feet before you could finish your sentence. He just stood looking at you. You looked at him. “Could we talk?”

Sandor nodded and you started to walk away with him following behind you. Neither said a word. You weren’t really sure where to go not feeling comfortable with him in your room but also not wanting anyone to hear. You decided to stop as you approached the main courtyard where the Stark boys used to train. You missed watching them.

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you let yourself have one last moment before you would have to use all your strength to keep your temper in check. You turned around and broke the silence, “So,”

“So…” the silence quickly returned, “I missed- “Sandor went to speak but you stopped him.

“Why did you leave?” it was all you really wanted to know but he had no answer, “You didn’t even say goodbye,” you tried your best not to cry but you couldn’t stop your eyes growing wetter.

“I’m sorry,”

“I need a reason,” you said as your sadness turned to anger, “I need a reason an explanation I need to know why you left me. I deserve to know,”

“I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t mean to leave you,” Sandor tried to approach but you moved back. He stopped and sighed, “I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking. There was fire. So much fucking fire. Even the water was on fire. The men coming after me were all on fire and all I could see was that cunts face,” you knew he was talking about his brother. He didn’t even like going near the fire in your chambers when he visited, “and I froze. A fucking squire had to save me. Then all of a sudden im back behind the wall and that fucking imp tries to tell me to go back and I thought fuck it. it was all I was thinking. Fuck the lot of them. So, I left,”

“But why didn’t you take me with you? I would’ve followed you anywhere you went,” your anger was still there but your tears had returned. You couldn’t stop the growing pit in your stomach. You meant it. anywhere he went you would’ve followed until your feet bled.

“I wanted to. I did. I went to the holdfast, but I just couldn’t go in. what was I supposed to do? Burst in and grab you? Take you on the road with me where I didn’t eat for days half the time? I didn’t want to put you through that. You deserved better,”

“Better? you think being left with that cunt of a king was better!” you shouted not caring who heard, “You saw what he did when you were there did you think he’d go easier on me? Pity me? Did he fuck,”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know what I was thinking,”

“I don’t know either! You have no clue what I went through after you left. Baelish snuck me out of that castle before Joffrey could kill me only for me to land at my brother’s doorstep half-starved but that was sunshine compared to what Ramsey was like,” your voice was laced with venom and your eyes dripping tears. “And the worst part is the whole fucking time all I could think about was you,”

“All I could think about was you too,” this time Sandor caught your arms and didn’t let go, “you think I didn’t try and find you? I did. I heard you escaped and I headed north instantly. I even took that Arya girl with me because I knew what she meant to you. And trust me she’s fucking more annoying than you,” you chuckled at that. You loved her like a sister but she could be insufferable at times. Your laugh brought a slight smile to his face, “And as soon as I ran into Jon I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to go with him because he was the only chance I had of finding you again,”

“You wouldn’t have had to find me if you hadn’t have left in the first place,” you whispered.

“I know,” he whispered back, his head hanging low, “I hate myself every damn day for leaving you. I would kill any one of those bastards who hurt you then I realised im one of them. And I will never forgive myself for what I did to you,”

You could tell he was sincere. Sandor was rarely ever this emotional. Even when he told you what his brother did to him and what happened to his sister he never cried. But tears began to fall from his eyes.

You took his face in your hands and for once he didn’t flinch when you touched his scar. “I forgive you,” you said pressing your forehead against his, “but if you ever leave me again- “

“Never, never ever,” he said pulling you closer, “I will never leave your side.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise,” he replied and for the first time in years you leaned up and kissed him.

It was so soft at first you almost melted into his touch. One of his hands found your waist while the other softly held your jaw. Yours fell to his shoulders then around his neck for stability. You felt your feet lift off the ground as he straightened his back bringing his other hand back down to your waist. After a brief pause for air his lips returned to yours, this time with a deep desperation you had both been holding in for years.

Then of course someone had to come along and wolf whistle. Sandor released you from his grip however he quickly grabbed your hand. You turned to see Sansa and Jon standing by the edge of the court yard.

“Can you two not fuck in the courtyard?” Sansa said as she tried to hide her smile.

Jon’s face screwed up, “Don’t be weird Sansa she’s basically our sister,”

“Where can we fuck then?” Sandor asked and you couldn’t help but laugh at Jon’s face. Sandor grinned, “Sorry lad but you’ll have to get used to it. I’ll marry her first if you fetch me a maester though,”

Your head snapped towards him, “You’ll marry me?” you beamed.

“Of course, will marry you, you idiot. I promised I wouldn’t leave didn’t I?” you pulled him back in for another kiss much to Jon’s dismay who quickly stalked away, Sansa following behind laughing. You pulled back once Jon left, “Now where the fuck are your chambers?” he asked.

You took his hand, “Follow me,” and with that you two disappeared back to your chambers not to leave them for the next two days.

#sandor clegane #sandor clegane imagine #sandor clegane x reader #the hound #the hound imagine #the hound x reader #game of thrones imagine #game of thrones #got #got imagine #request #part 2

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bugs1nmybrain · 1 year

Text

Things L Would Do When He’s In Love

I want to preface this post with a thought that plagues me a lot. Sometimes I struggle to think that L could ever feel love for someone. He’s very closed off and is untrusting of people, so falling in love seems like a reach for his character. HOWEVER, I’ve broken a lot of rules about L’s canon character throughout my posts (such as L having sex, considering the creators said themselves they couldn’t imagine L having intercourse). So let me be delusional.

Warnings: Absolute fluff, L is a little questionable

Love is such a foreign feeling to L. It scares him, if he’s honest. L is someone who’s been a calculated person, driven by logic for his entire life. For an irrational emotion such as love to come up makes him so confused.

When he starts to like you even just a bit, he’s actually a bit of an asshole. Condescending, even. And of course, he’s going to play some manipulation tactics to see if he can uncover aspects of your personality you wouldn’t admit to him

Once he deduces that you’re worth taking that leap with, he quickly moves to the opportunity.

Like I said he’s an asshole, but in the same regard, he’s an absolute sweetheart!!!

He likes to blow his wallet on you (not that he’ll ever run out of money). If he knows you’ve been looking for something or a certain form of merchandise you like having, he’ll get it for you with no hesitation. He loves giving you presents and seeing your face light up when you receive them.

Surprisingly enough, he’s pretty affectionate!!

It takes him time to grow comfortable with it, but once he is, he struggles keeping his hands off of you.

He loves it when you sit in his lap. He’ll stroke your hair, often tucking it behind your hair while he gives you a gentle kiss.

Loves nuzzling his face into your neck. Do the same to him, he loves that just as much.

He’s not a huge fan of PDA only because he doesn’t like standing out in public, but he likes to hold your hand. He’ll stroke your palm with his thumb and squeeze it softly.

Good luck getting this insomniac to sleep with you, but he’ll happily volunteer to hold you close until you drift off to sleep. He likes to breathe in the scent of your shampoo while you fall to sleep. A lot of playing with your hair in the process and rubbing your back.

He likes making sure you’re taken care of. If he notices you’re falling behind on sleep or eating properly, he’ll make sure that this gets corrected.

If he ever hears your stomach grumbling he’ll get up immediately and bring you back a whole ass meal.

On the topic of eating, he loves sharing his sweets with you!!! He expects you to. Taking trips to the bakery or going to an ice cream shop are some of his favorite ways to spend time with you.

He’s kind of weird with the way he talks to you. Sometimes he’s incredibly blunt to you to the point where it stings, but other times he’ll straight up lie to you if he believes it will benefit him or even you.

There’s no way in hell you’re as smart as him. He can find this a little annoying because there are times when you can’t meet him where he’s at. But honestly, he thinks it’s cute. It gives him a sense of power and also makes him feel protective of you.

He’ll use your stupidity to his advantage, what ever way he decides it will benefit him

He thinks you’re so so so cute. He stares when he finds himself in a moment when he especially thinks you’re adorable. He’s not shy about it either, often telling you upfront, “You’re beautiful, you know that right?”

You look like a doll to him.

He’s not insecure per se, but sometimes it confuses him that such a cute person took an interest in him. He’s very aware that he’s not conventionally attractive.

If you tell him that he’s cute, he’s taking full advantage. He’ll do the silliest things or show you affection just because he knows that you find it endearing. He loves seeing your reaction.

When you’re doing nothing in particular he’ll come up next to you and plant an unexpected kiss on your cheek.

He’s counting on the adorable reactions that you give him in those moments.

He loves kisses. Gentle or passionate. He needs you so carnally sometimes and all he wants is to show you his love through physical affection.

L isn’t emotionally vulnerable. If you are, however, he’s receptive. He’s not a coddler, but he’ll actively try to distract you from the negative emotions you may feel. This may be through cake or doing your favorite activity together.

He loves doing activities that involve strategy with you. Puzzles, chess, the like. He’ll do hobbies that you enjoy as well.

I’d really like to see L play a video game with you. It’s not something that is expected from him, but I just know he’d be great at playing video games. He’ll beat your ass, too.

He also likes to teach you things. One of his favorites is different languages. He’s fluent in multiple languages and considers it an essential skill.

He’s not shy about saying “i love you.” He doesn’t say it constantly, because he likes seeing you blush when he says it. He doesn’t want to spoil it.

But sometimes he uses it as a weapon.

If you get into an argument, he’ll pull out the whole, “that’s a shame because I love you.”

Asshole.

He calls you by pet names often. His favorites are “my love” and “darling.”

It’s so sweet to hear him say them.

“Would you like to spend some time with me, my love?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

He loves you. It’s hard to say if his definition of love is genuine, but in his own way, he does love you.

#l lawliet #l lawliet headcanons

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our-aroace-experience · 4 months

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Hi! I just kind of... want to write about my experience here, I hope that's okay. This is sort of a vent related to my identity + aroace discourse so if anyone doesn't feel like seeing it, feel free to scroll!

So I'm most likely aroace, and I feel comfortable and secure in my asexual identity, but when it comes to identifying as aromantic, I always... just feel very conflicted. Am I aromantic? Most likely yes; I've never had a crush, don't have a strong urge to be in a romantic relationship, etc. and I'm in my early 20's so it's not like I'm "too young to know" or whatever else it is that people say to invalidate others' experiences. But I feel like some part of me doesn't like that part of my identity. I sometimes wish I could go out somewhere, like to a club or something, and have a sudden magical movie-like experience of meeting a girl and kissing her and suddenly feeling something new; or I wish I could meet someone, that I'm attracted to aesthetically, and truly start liking them romantically, like actually get a crush and not be able to stop thinking about them 24/7. I wish I was proven wrong about me being aromantic one day.

But also... I'm not sure if it's something that I actually want, if I could ever actually be in a romantic relationship and like it, or... if I'm simply aromantic and just don't feel comfortable in my identity, so much that I fantasize about it changing.

I'm also autistic so I suppose me not having any crushes might be related to that as well; I struggle with making connections and getting to know people in general. Also I can imagine a "type" I could have; I know who I'd like to have a crush on. But I've never been able to actually... make myself feel anything romantic. And when I think about the concept of how a romantic relationship is even supposed to start, how people just... apparently start flirting with each other and just decide to date? The sole idea feels so foreign and impossible to me.

When I was younger I feel like I was pretty certain I was aroace, and I was proud of that, felt confident about my identity. I think when it changed was actually when the "are aroace people lgbt or not?" discourse started popping up around 2018 or so. Back then, I've seen most people say that "being asexual and aromantic isn't enough to be called lgbt because you're not oppressed enough", many of my close internet friends included. Before that time, I always thought of asexuality and aromanticism as lgbt identities; didn't even suspect that anyone would think otherwise, so I was just... very surprised when all of a sudden I was seeing a bunch of people say that aroaces don't belong in the lgbt community (unless they're another identity that "counts"); it was like all of a sudden every single person was hating on asexuality and aromanticism, making fun of every aroace person who'd write about their experience, calling asexuality "boring" or "not valid" or "fake", talking about how aphobia wasn't real, etc. etc. And I think seeing that, especially from people who I considered friends, who'd always had "good" views on other social issues, made me be like: "Oh. Maybe what they're saying is right? Maybe I should get more educated on that and stop trying to invade other people's spaces?" I felt as if I couldn't have any say in the discussions, since I was aroace, and it was mostly people of other sexualities discussing it, people who "had it worse"; so I simply felt as if it wasn't my place to be like "you're wrong, I have a place in this community too" because... well, I was aroace - the identity that was being discoursed about and made fun of at the time, not someone who "had any say in the topic". And I think with time, since I kept seeing people go "aroace people are not lgbt" over and over again for literal years, I kind of accepted that and started... I don't know, thinking of my identity as "less"? Less important, less valid, etc.

Prior to the discourse I felt happy about finding my identity, about realizing who I am, I felt happy that my experiences were relatable to others as well and I felt welcomed within the lgbt community; I felt like I was a part of a community that understood, that was accepting. I was actually proud of being aroace. But after seeing all the discourse, I kind of... stopped feeling good about being aroace. I felt mostly ashamed of it; alienated from people who I thought were "like me". Eventually I even stopped identifying as "aroace" and changed it to "unlabeled" because now I'm even not sure who I am, because I'd prefer not being aroace. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable being with a man, I don't think so at least, but... I think I'd like to have a crush, I fantasize about being able to get a crush and be with a girl romantically, even though I never wanted any romance when I was younger. I kind of... feel like I'd feel so much more valid if I could just say "I'm an ace arospec lesbian" (or some other identity) rather than being like "I'm aroace but maybe not, it's complicated." But it's a thought that also makes me feel bad, because if I am in fact not capable of actually falling in love with someone, then wishing and fantasizing about the possibility that maybe one day it'll finally happen... makes me feel like I'm also invading other people's spaces. Which just sucks, and is not something I'd like to do. And I'm also aware that if I am just aroace and will stay single forever, I won't be in as much actual irl danger as other sexualities, like I know that. I know life would be harder if I was in a same-gender relationship and it'd be genuinely dangerous for me. But that feeling of validity, of feeling supported and accepted by an actual big diverse community... I miss that. And even though as of the last 3 or so years I stopped seeing mostly "aroace aren't lgbt" takes from other lgbt people, and started seeing almost everyone treating aroace ppl as a part of lgbt again, I still feel some of that... unsureness in my identity. I feel ashamed to say that I'm most likely aroace and I feel like I always have to add hundreds of disclaimers like "but I'm not cishet and maybe I like girls but I'm not sure, but I'm still figuring it out" etc. etc. in order to not be ridiculed, in case a person who likes making fun of aroace people happens to be reading it.

So, overall... I know this is probably such an unserious problem to have, I know people have it way worse, it just kinda feels like... even if I am aroace, I will likely never be able to proudly say it again with confidence, just in case it turns out that I'm not one day, or in case that's not enough for other people. Not sure if anyone can relate to that but if anyone does relate, or wants to add or say something... uh, yeah!

it’s very ok for you to share your experience here, that’s the whole point of this blog! i’m sure there are definitely people out there who relate to you!

#our aroace experience #aroace asks #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #long post

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autumnrose11 · 6 months

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I brushed through A Little Princess today.

It was one of my favourite books when I was younger, and I still quite adore it! I took it down from my bookshelf today and skimmed over it. It was lovely to meet them all again because I’d forgotten the little things, like Melchisedec the rat, Ermengarde, and Lottie. It has been a while since I last read it, and I noticed so many things I didn’t before!

One of the more heartbreaking moments is Sara finding out her papa is dead on her BIRTHDAY. Imagine the pain of an eleven-year-old having to deal with her world turned upside down and losing the only family she has left on her birthday :(

Much as I hate to say it, some parts of the book are a tad racist, although I suppose it’s reflective of the time period in which the book was written (1905).

“It’s a’ Nindian gentleman that’s comin’ to live next door, miss,” she said. [...] He worships idols, miss. He’s an ’eathen an’ bows down to wood an’ stone. I seen a’ idol bein’ carried in for him to worship. Somebody had oughter send him a trac’. You can get a trac’ for a penny.”

Sara is really good with languages (she is shown to be multilingual), which is a trait I adore because I love learning languages too! She speaks both French and Hindi, and it shows up in two very different situations in the book. One to Monsieur Dufarge, the French teacher, and the other to Ram Dass, the Indian servant. The descriptions of both men’s reactions to hear a child speaking their respective languages are strikingly similar.

“Monsieur Dufarge began to smile, and his smile was one of great pleasure. To hear this pretty childish voice speaking his own language so simply and charmingly made him feel almost as if he were in his native land - which in dark, foggy days in London sometimes seemed worlds away.”

“She thought she had never seen more surprise and delight than the dark face expressed when she spoke in the familiar tongue. The truth was that the poor fellow felt as if his gods had intervened, and the kind little voice came from heaven itself.”

As someone who speaks passable Hindi and is currently studying French, this is so sweet and touching! To be in a foreign land and feeling like an outsider, hearing someone speak the same language as you must be so inexpressibly comforting, like you have a comrade and a friend.

Miss Minchin is literally abusive and has a heart of stone. She puts Sara through hell. She also shows severe insecurity and covers it up with projecting her feelings of inadequacy (on a 7 year old!) The scene in Chapter 2 where she concludes that Sara does not know French is especially telling.

“One of Miss Minchin’s chief secret annoyances was that she did not speak French herself, and was desirous of concealing the irritating fact. She, therefore, had no intention of discussing the matter and laying herself open to questioning by a new little pupil.”

I have met quite a few adults like this, who are in the wrong and know it, and unwilling to admit it. They are nice and willing to praise kids and make them their golden child as long as things are going well. The second they are contradicted or called out in the slightest, they turn NASTY. So Miss Minchin, horrid as she is, is written very realistically. Excellent characterisation, and I always like reading the bit where she gets her comeuppance at the end.

My absolutely favourite passage in the book is:

“If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. It would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it. There was Marie Antoinette when she was in prison and her throne was gone and she had only a black gown on, and her hair was white, and they insulted her and called her Widow Capet. She was a great deal more like a queen then than when she was so gay and everything was so grand. I like her best then. The howling mobs of people did not frighten her. She was stronger than they were, even when they cut her head off.”

This is off topic, but I read this book right around the time we were learning about the French Revolution in school. So I’d come across Marie Antoinette, but she was portrayed in a very negative light in my history textbook, with the infamous quote: “If they don’t have bread, let them eat cake.” So my initial notion of her jarred completely with what I read here. And that was how I ended up reading and researching more about Marie Antoinette, and got to know that she was an Austrian princess married off very young to a French prince, and mocked for her foreignness. She had several miscarriages and fertility struggles, and she loved kids and adopted a few! True, she did spend rather extravagantly, but she was not quite the villain I took her for. That’s when I realised that history textbooks, more often than not, show only one side of the story.

#A Little Princess #Sara Crewe #Miss Minchin #Frances Hogsdon Burnett #Books

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introverted-imagineer · 1 year

Text

The Heart is Crimson

Warnings: Descriptions of assault, abuse, slavery and extreme violence. Adult themes. Please avoid and protect your well-being if you suspect this work might not be for you.

(Part 18)

I impatiently paced across the ground as the boat sat stranded on the riverbank. A broken rudder…a bloody piece of useless material…one single part of the whole ship kept me from Twyla. ‘They will be back soon Y/N’ Mariam soothed…a tired smile on her face as she busied herself sorting the collection of books she lugged everywhere with her. What would she know about anything…books could only tell you so much.

Leif and Harald had trekked in search of a township by the name of ‘Kodak’ not too long ago in search of materials to fix the rudder. Each morning as the sun rose, and when it set in the evening it became harder and harder to clutch onto the hope of seeing my daughter again…my friend…my family. I stomped over to Kurya as he sat away from the rest of the group, listening, feeling and sensing the world around him. I didn’t even need to announce my presence as I slumped down next to him.

‘Tell me something good’ I whispered, watching the river flow gently to where I yearned to go. His shoulders rose and fell slowly as he inhaled deeply, the corner of his lips perking up and he readjusted his bandages.

‘You remind me of my wife sometimes Y/N’ he giggled slightly to himself. ‘Yesty was also very stubborn…but had a kind heart’ he said, his voice drifting into sadness. I lifted my hand from the grass, grasping onto his hand, and giving him a comforting squeeze. ‘How did you meet?’ I questioned gently. Kurya, of course, had mentioned his wife in passing, a story here or there, but never any specific details. He had never explicitly said she had died, but it wasn’t hard to figure out. Kurya walked around with a broken heart…

‘There had been strife between the tribes…her father presented her to my father as a peace offering, to unionise our tribes through a marital union’ Another inhale, fiddling with the bandages on his face pointlessly. I gently squeezed his hand again, prompting him to continue his story. His despair comically turned to laughter as he chuckled breathlessly to himself. ‘What?’ I questioned, my own lips raising into a smile at the ridiculousness of it. Kurya was always the sensible voice of reason, it was rare to see a relaxed side of him. ‘W..Wh’ he emitted through laughter. ‘When my father presented my brother and I…it was assumed, him being the older of us, that she would wed him…she took one look, and without hesitation said I’m not marrying him, but the younger one I might’. He lost himself in laughter, a radiant glow on his face that I had not seen…only when he ever talked about his wife. ‘My brother was furious’ he chuckled, clearly satisfied by the memory. ‘Her father was so mortified by her brazenness…within the week we were married’ he said, his laughter depleting, but the smile on his face remained the same. ‘Did you ever have children?’ I asked curiously. His head turned toward me, as he lifted his hand to the crown of my head and soothed my hair. ‘I have all the family I need’.

As I sat with Kurya, my thoughts were lost to memory as I stared at the river flowing down the bend, I barely noticed that everyone's attention had shifted elsewhere.

‘Something smells good!’ A foreign voice sounded. I turned around to find a strange man, decorated from head to toe in tattooed ink, cockily and confidently approaching the camp. He did not seem deterred by the number of people who stood to attention at the sight of his presence grasping onto weapons as he stepped forward. I stood, making my way back toward the camp as the stranger and Gestr greeted each other with enthusiasm. It was no secret, Gestr was an immoral being, but his hubris made him a total imbecile. The natural comradery between the pair however was frightening.

‘I see your boat is missing its rudder’ he noted, inspecting the vessel with great interest…and everything on it.

‘It is being repaired in Kodak’

‘So there are more of you?’ He questioned

‘Just two’ Gestr replied.

The energy shifted as everyone, but Gestr, tensed at the sudden reveal of information to the stranger. I clutched my fist tightly as I whipped my eyes around to see everyone else similarly on edge as the stranger seemed satisfied with this newfound information. I looked back to find his eyes locked on mine, his own eyes flicking up and down as he sauntered toward me.

He pressed his chest against mine, his rugged breath brushing against my head as he towered over me. ‘How much for this one?’ He yelled at Gestr, bringing his hand up to move the hairs that fell over my forehead. I brought my hands up, pressing my palms against his chest and pushing him a step back. ‘Not one of mine, unfortunately’ Gestr said, his voice seething in self-pity. The stranger's eyes did not leave mine as he took in every inch of my body. ‘My name is Baggi’ he introduced in a flirtatious tone. My stomach churned as an overwhelming sense of revulsion came over me. I glanced over at the boat behind Baggi, Gestr’s eyes intently watching my every move as his newfound friend directed his interests at me. ‘You are certainly a rare find in these parts’ he said in such a slimy tone, I could feel my spine shiver with discomfort.

‘Leave my wife alone’ Kurya’s voice sounded from behind me as he sat still where he had before. Even from a distance, Kurya could always sense when something was wrong with me. Baggi scoffed at his remark. ‘Your husband?’ He questioned. I simply nodded, taking a few steps away to put some distance between us. I could hear the enslaved girls giggling between themselves. Baggi’s face fell slightly in disappointment, his chest raising in slight anger at the public rejection. He strode forward slowly, his eyes locked on mine as he rounded me carefully, his chest poking against my shoulder…taking a whiff of my hair. I remained facing away as Baggi continued his stalking amongst the camp. It was tensely silent as everyone remained frozen in place. It felt like forever in the few minutes that passed. The silence was interrupted as he slowly stalked back toward me, his footsteps creeping up like a predator on a hunt…a chuckle emitting from his gut. ‘You don’t know who this is, do you?’ He triumphantly sounded as he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck. I stood frozen as his rough calloused fingertips stroked the skin on the back of my neck. A fury of anger washed over me as my breathing increased. I could feel my heels digging into the ground as everyone's attention was solely focused on me. Baggi laughed.

‘You are not this man’s wife…this man's wife is dead’.

I stood frozen, tense in fear, anger and confusion as this man so confidently narrated Kurya’s life to the group.

‘This man is the Khan’s brother, Kurya’ My stomach churned as Baggi so knowingly told the tale of Kurya’s wife, and the Khan’s brutal assault and murder of his fallen wife. It felt like the world was spinning around me as I didn’t know any such thing about Kurya’s past. I knew he had a brother, but I had never imagined he had been a brutal ruler. Maybe this was why Kurya rarely spoke of his life as a Pecheneg. All Kurya had said about it was that he had chosen a different path…but never would I have known the consequences of his old one were so severe.

‘Now the Khan drinks wine every night with a silver cup made from her skull’ he said as his fingers trailed up, grasping the hairs on my head as he forcefully craned my neck back. He inched his face so close, I could feel his chapped lips brush against my cheek.

‘And put a bounty on his missing brother's head’ he said, his raspy breath blowing into my ear, his fingers releasing. I breathlessly dropped to the ground, scuttling towards Kurya on my hands and knees, desperate to get away from Baggi. I clutched onto Kurya’s robes as he sat, frozen in place…as if he didn’t even realise I was there right in front of him.

‘He is worth money?’ Gestr questioned, striding down the board to Baggi. I quickly stood up, my fingernails cutting into my palms as fury took over. I was going to kill him. As I took a step forward, I was thrust back just as quickly as Kurya had grabbed onto the fabric of my dress, holding me back from perpetrating the extremely brutal violent attack I had spinning in my head as I watched Gestr. The rest of Baggi’s presence escaped me as I stood there, vowing with every inch in my body and soul to put an end to Gestr’s greedy, vile, degenerate, pathetic existence.

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

In Kodak

‘Harald, Freydis is carrying your child’

Harald had endured many hardships in life. He had fought bravely in battles that left him forever scared, he had loved and lost people throughout his life, he had an enemy in his own brother, he had left the person he truly loved, and he had even battled his own demons and morals throughout his life…but nothing was as painful as hearing this.

‘How long have you known this?’

‘Since we left Norway. She made me promise not to tell you’

‘You Bastard. I thought you were my friend’

The shock was almost as powerful as when he saw Y/N again, after all that time. The person he truly longed for…he had spent days and nights wondering if Y/N was still alive, if Y/N thought about him, if he would ever lay eyes on Y/N again…A year yearning after someone he thought he had lost. Now he would likely spend a lifetime wondering about the child he had never known about. Had he known, things would have turned out differently. The immense love he thought he had felt for someone…an enigma, and now he felt a love so overwhelming he thought his heart might burst.

‘She understood that if you knew you were to be a father, you would not leave her’

‘and she’s right’

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

Back at Camp

‘Don’t ask any questions, just follow my lead’ I whispered to the enslaved girls as they sat hopelessly on the boat, their hands bound in heavy chains that rubbed against their skin. ‘YOU’ Gestr yelled, charging back onto the boat, his axe in hand as he readied himself for a fight. What he didn’t realise was that I was just as ready for him.

Gestr stomped across the boat, he reached his arm out clutching onto the neck of my dress and threateningly pushing me harshly into the side of the boat. The look in his eyes was one of pure evil as he held his axe up ready to strike if needed. ‘I’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE AND I’LL TELL YOU AGAIN, YOU DO NOT ENGAGE WITH MY PROPERTY’ he spat angrily. A could hear a whimper let out from one of the girls as their eyes locked onto the scene in front of them. ‘You don’t have Harald to protect you now’ he taunted, bringing the blade of his axe right up against my neck. My throat bobbed as I took a deep gulp, my skin pressing into the blade, reminding me of my mortality at stake. ‘I don’t need Harald Siggurdson’ I whispered against his pressing blade’.

*BANG*

Within seconds, Gestr lay unconscious on the floor, a small rush of blood spilling from his temple. Elena dropped the heavy plank of wood by her side, shaking her arm to relieve the pain in her joints from the strike she had just delivered. I took in a deep breath, rubbing at the skin on my neck which luckily had only just been indented by the pressure of the blade leaving a red mark that would fade soon enough. I looked at Elena, as she looked back at me. We gave each other a knowing nod.

I reached down, whipping the belt from Gestr, sliding his ring of keys he so mockingly jingled day in, day out. I threw them to the girls as they sat there in disbelief. ‘You belong to no one but yourself…do you understand me?’ I spoke, watching as all their eyes stared at the keys in front of them. One of the girls nodded, her eyes watery. As Elena jangled the keys, jamming different keys into the locks, one by one a satisfying clang sounded as the metal cuffs hit the floor of the boat.

‘We must hide him’ Mariam sounded from behind me, as she boarded the boat with a handful of ropes. As quickly as they had been uncuffed, the girls knelt to the floor practically snatching the ropes out of Mariam’s grip and taking the opportunity to tie up the man who had kept their freedom from them for too long.

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

‘Welcome back! I see you have brought friends’ Batu called radiantly as the inevitable return of Baggi finally arrived. He dismounted his horse, trudging forward seemingly confused by the warm welcome, compared to before. I sat on the edge of the boat, my legs dangling over the edge, my skirt ridden up slightly in a flirtatious manner.

‘What is this?’ Baggi questioned, pointing to Kurya as he stood underneath the branches of the tree chained by his neck. It killed me to see him like this…a man whom I only now understood why he was so broken in so many ways. Why did it have to be him that these brutes wanted? Kurya deserved more.

Batu explained a fabricated story…how he killed Gestr (if only) and went crazy. That suddenly a group of people who disliked Baggi before, now welcomed his friends with open arms? This was too risky to play off I had argued, that he would never fall for such a ridiculously unrealistic story. But as their horses rounded the trees, there was no other option to decide on another plan. Gestr looked toward the boat, his greedy eyes hungrily fixated on me. I lifted my hand, fluttering my fingers in an amorous manner as if to say ‘It’s you I want’. But Baggi stopped in his tracks, clearly stumped particularly by my welcoming manner. He turned his head, making a halt sign to his friends. They instinctively grasped at their weapons, following Baggi’s lead as he began to question Batu aggressively. ‘What’s with my friend from earlier?’ He spat cautiously, with an aggressive tone. Batu stood there stumped, looking between Baggi and myself as I tried to sit effortlessly on the edge of the boat. ‘W..what do you mean?’ Batu coughed. Baggi lifted his fist, gripping onto Batu’s shirt. Metal clanged behind them as the men pulled their weapons from their hilts and belts. ‘We put something in her drink’ one of the enslaved girls, whose name I had learnt to be Cadlin, shouted as she cheerfully lifted her cup in a fictional drunken slumber.

I took her lead, slushing the cup around in my hand, downing it’s invisible contents, and letting out a satisfying ‘ahhh’ sound. The girls giggled along with Cadlin ‘Y/N is a bitch anyway’ they chuckled as they mockingly laughed as I pretended to sway on the edge of the boat. Mariam ran over, pretending to grip onto my body, as I leant my body back into her grip, falling back onto the boat.

I could hear Baggi laughing, his friends seeming to laugh alongside him, clearly relaxing amongst the environment, believing the story unfolding in front of them. ‘Well done’ Mariam whispered, a slight smile of relief on her face at the performance we had just delivered. I couldn’t help but smile back at her efforts too. Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all…

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

The Varangians slowly loosened up throughout the afternoon…Elena, Mariam and the girls pouring more drinks as quickly as the men consumed them. I spent the time continuously embarrassing myself, pretending to embrace the lustful suggestions of someone as horrid as Baggi. There was one thing these men liked, possibly even more than Gestr. Attention. It wasn’t hard to gage, but it’s all we had to work with to lower their guards. How powerful the Varangians were, how they were so skilled, and how they were talked about with great fear and respect in the cities. Luckily Baggi’s attentions were now more focused on hearing legendary tales of his people, rather than roughhousing me like his friends were the girls.

‘Well, well, well beautiful’ one of the men tutted as he boarded the boat, his eyes trained on me as his cup swished in his hands. Baggi sat rigidly, looking between me and his comrade, a seething jealousy evident on his face. I continued my facade, greeting him with a pitched giggle that washed a feeling of self decrepitation over me entirely. Batu clearly peaked at the sudden tenseness between the men as he grabbed another wine pitcher, filling Baggi’s cup. ‘I have more stories if that is of interest to you?’ He said cautiously. Baggi sat there, his eyes flicking between myself, his friend and Batu. He finally took a deep drink, wiping his mouth with the fabric of his shirt, satisfyingly turning to Batu to listen to another made-up story about the great Varangians. ‘You can come with me gorgeous’ the man said, holding his hand out so chivalrously. I reached down, grabbing another pitcher of wine as I clutched onto his hand, giggling more, being sure to stifle my balance as he lead me down the plank. ‘Don’t be long Engil!’ Baggi cried ‘I will be needing her soon enough’ he said with a laugh, Mariam and Batu following suit. But Mariam's eyes trailed on mine as she worryingly watched as Engil lead me off the boat…stalking away from camp out of sight.

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

‘No wonder Baggi was so eager to bring us all back after he found you this morning’ Engil moaned as his hands ran up and down my boat, his tongue swirling around in my mouth. We hadn’t had a plan past getting them drunk and assuring them Kurya was crazy…but after hours it seemed as though they were never going to leave and we were all but entertaining these creeps. I let out a fake moan as his stubble beard hair rubbed roughly against my chin. ‘Kiss my neck…I love neck kisses’ I moaned. He was ravenous for more…and I could only hope they would leave soon before he tried something else. His stubble grazed the skin on my neck, but it was much preferable to the tongue I had down my throat for the past half hour.

As he busied himself, biting at my neck, I couldn’t help but notice the silence in the distance. What was once chatter, laughing, and the clanking of cups was now utterly silent. My stomach dropped…this was not good. Had they all gone? Had someone else come? Had they taken Kurya?

I hardly realised my body went stiff as the gnawing on my neck disappeared, Engil’s hands no longer roaming over my body. He pulled away slightly, looking at my face questioningly. His head began to turn slowly as he noticed the silence too, his hands pulling away from the lustful distraction he was already lost in. Shit.

I reached down, grasping onto his hard cock that had been poking into my legs. He let out a loud moan at the sudden contact…the tenseness of sudden silence was replaced by satisfaction. I grabbed his face with my hands, shoving his face back into my neck as I fondled his groin over his pants, his body shaking eagerly as I busied myself trying to figure out why there was a sudden silence. However, it was not to last.

The clanging of metal sounded as the silence turned to shouts. I desperately held Engil against my neck, but he pulled away strongly, throwing me to the ground as grabbed his axe from his belt. He stalked around the bushes that hid us. I couldn’t see what was unfolding, but enough to know it was bad as he stalked back toward me, pulling me by the hair on my head and laying me on the ground. He mounted me, holding my body down with his heavyweight as he delivered a piercing slap to my face. ‘YOU BITCH’ he yelled, lowering his face, smashing his lips against mine, sinking his teeth painfully onto my bottom lip making me scream. ‘WHO ARE YOU? WHAT IS YOUR BUSINESS HERE?’ He cried as he grasped onto my wrists as I tried so desperately to wrestle from beneath him…but even drunk he was much stronger than me.

He gripped the neckline of my dress, ripping it, pulling down my smock and exposing my breasts. I continued to wrestle beneath him, trying desperately to pull myself from the ravenous, raging man on top of me. He gripped onto my breast, squeezing it with all his might and twisting the skin. It was complete agony. His grip became slippery, however, as he pulled away to find the palm of his hand covered in a warm liquid. Only instead of being crimson ready as expected, his palm was doused in milky white. I began to cry as he let out a deep evil laugh, gripping again at my already tender breasts, torturously squeezing my pulsing nipples demanding answers to his questions.

‘Please…please s..st..stop’ I pleaded through cries of pain, but with every pleading, his grip tightened. ‘TELL ME’ he screamed. My eyesight began to blur at the sensation of unbearable pain. My head spun as his words began to slur, the world in front of me disappearing into blackness before my eyes. He delivered another slap, making me conscious again. But my body was weak and in excruciating pain and torture it wasn’t going to last.

‘I’LL FUCKING KILL Y…’

A metal arrow shot through his neck and he began to croak at the sudden impact. He gagged, blood pooling from his mouth into my eyes as his body shook, becoming even heavier. I screamed, crying at the sight in front of me. I had experienced violence, abuse, fear…childbirth…but nothing could compare to the dread of watching a person die right atop of you. Bleeding, eyes dilating, total and utter dread as his eyes locked on mine, his lips turning blue. My cries continued as he fell atop of me, the impact of our bodies pushing the arrow back out the other side of his neck, a sickening slushing sound-emitting. My cries continued and screams protruded from deep within my gut. The world around me was silent, the only sound being the final desperate breath from the man dying on top of me.

‘Y/N!’ A voice cried desperately. My rough rugged breathing had turned to hyperventilation as I cried out. ’T..tw…twyla’ I cried as the mans blood soaked my body. My sight was too blinded by my tears to see anything.

Suddenly the body shifted from me, a voice huffing as they practically threw the man's lifeless body away. Those familiar hands grasped my cheeks. ‘y/n’ he whispered worryingly, looking down at my almost naked, blood-stained body. He pulled my tunic up, covering my bruised chest carefully before tucking his arms under my limp body, pulling me into his embracing rocking me back and forth.

‘Harald…’ I whispered

‘Y/N’ he replied.

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For hours he sat there with me, rocking me back and forth as I cried into his shoulder, too weak to hold my own body up. Nobody had dared come interrupt his act of tender care as I continued to cry, soaking his shirt.

By the time the moon had risen and the sky had turned black, only then had my eyes become too dry to let any more tears flow. Footsteps sounded behind faintly as I sat there, limply lying in Harald’s embrace. ‘Here…it’s one of mine’ Mariam sounded as she placed something on the ground next to us. Harald’s hand came up, soothing my hair down on my head. ‘Thank you’ he whispered back, her footsteps retreating back to wherever.

Harald gently leaned back, still being careful to hold my forearms as I was barely able to hold my own body up. ‘If I have your permission, I think we should clean you up?’ He questioned, trying to find my eyes. My throat was scratched and dry, my body was limp. It took all my energy just to give a single nod of my head.

Harald’s hands wearily went down to the bottom of my dress, gently clutching the stained fabric in his clutches. He trailed the fabric up my body, being careful not to touch my bruised skin. He gently bunched up the fabric, his hands accidentally brushing against my tender breasts, making me seethe, as he rolled the fabric over my head, leaving me totally naked. He took in a deep sigh, taking in the sight of what the moonlight allowed, his face wincing in pain as he looked at the state of my bruised neck and chest. I could feel his shoulders drop as he took in the sight of me. The way his eyes looked into mine, I could tell he was blaming himself.

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

Harald gently lifted my arms, wrapping them around his neck as our bare chests pressed against one another. His bands gently slotted underneath my legs as he lifted my body effortlessly, walking us into the chilly river. He walked deeper into the water until the water was up to his chest. I could feel his chest rising and falling quicker at the sudden cold temperature that took over his naked body. I barely registered it. He gently lowered himself into the water, taking the opportunity to slide his hands from underneath my legs, tucking his arm securely around my waist, making sure to keep a close hold on my weak body. I let my head drop into the crook of his shoulder, my arms still placed securely around his neck.

The sound of water splashing sounded gently as Harald took the time to carefully scoop handfuls of water into his palm, washing the blood off of my body. His hands danced carefully and gracefully over my body as he made sure to erase every single patch of red that stained my skin.

‘Lie back’ he whispered, placing his arms under my body, lying me back into the water. His fingers massaged my scalp as he washed the remnants from the day out of my hair. I closed my eyes, taking in the feeling…it was pleasant. The only sound being the swishing of water. I could now begin to feel the chill of the water.

Harald’s arms untucked from my legs, bringing me back into a standing position. This time our chests pressed against one another, instead of me being tucked into his side. I brought my arms up, weakly wrapping them around his neck, pulling our faces closer. Our foreheads pressed against one another, our eyes closed as the only sounds between us were the sounds of our breaths.

‘I’m sorry y/n’ he whispered, as his arms protectively wrapped around my waist.

‘I’m sorry for everything…I realised today there are things much more important than becoming King of Norway’ he breathlessly began to explain. But I simply kept my head pressed against his, taking in his words. ‘I learnt today that Freydis has carried my child’ he whispered, an utter saddened despair in his tone. I could feel my heart stop…

‘If ever someone put my child through the things I put you through…I would find that person to the ends of the earth’ he whispered, a sniffle sounding as he tried to hold back tears. But he did not, his tears fell as he mourned the past, the present, the future, the child he would probably never know. A shattered parent. A feeling I could empathise with all too well. It was a reaction I never expected.

I tilted my head back slightly, but our arms stayed wrapped around each other. I gently slid my hand from around the back of his neck, placing it gently on his cheek as his tears subsided, but the pain was still very much there.

I leant in, placing a single peck gently onto his lips, pulling myself back into an embrace as we clutched onto one another, him mourning his child he did know of, and me mourning the child of ours he didn’t.

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