Good morning good morning everyone!!!!!! 💖

Baby its Cold Outside (PART 7)

Bakugo x Reader 

Who let the dogs out!

Words : 2489 

PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE PART 5 HERE , PART 6 HERE PART 7 HERE PART 8 HERE PART 9 HERE PART 10 HERE PART 11 HERE PART 12 HERE PART 13 HERE PART 14 HERE

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You had your headphones in. Listening to a podcast while you did your daily physical therapy. You were almost done. Only a week left and you could technically be cleared for hero work. Key work being technically. 

It was something you and Bakugo had been discussing at great length recently. For obvious reasons he would be totally okay if you retired from being a hero, but he knows that he can’t put you in a bubble nor should he keep you from your dream job. 

You were proud of him for even considering it an option. He understood what it was like to be a hero, and he understood how hard it would be to quit. He also knew first hand how hard you had worked to get to where you were and it’d be a shame for your career to but cut short. 

The thing was.... you weren't sure. You absolutely loved being a hero, but you were sill having a hard time with the psychological repercussions of being shot. No matter how hard you tried you still freaked out over loud noises and you hated going outside alone. You just had this weird irrational fear that they were going to come back and finish the job. 

You hadn't voiced these worries to anyone. You were nervous that if you said it out loud they would think you were unstable and then you would be permanently benched. Doomed to desk jobs and paperwork. 

You wrapped up your workout and headed back to the apartment. You kept your headphones in while you walked which Katsuki scolded you for constantly. Saying it was dangerous and anyone could sneak up on you. But you couldn't help it. Drowning out all the noises of the city that made you jumpy was imperative to make sure you got home without having an episode. 

Usually once you got within a mile or two of home you would just teleport. Ever since you woke up your range had been much larger. You decided that it must be like a muscle. The more you used it the stronger it got. Teleporting all those girls out that night had pushed you into the miles range now. Although you have no idea how you ever managed 15 miles, let alone how you did it on accident. 

Today was a nice day though so you decided to just walk. 

You were probably a block or two from home when a hand came out of no where and grabbed your shoulder. Panic seized you for a few short moments before your instincts kicked in. You raised your arm and swung out to hit your attacker. But it did no good because they just caught your arm with one hand and ripped your headphone out with the other. “And that is how easy it would be for someone to attack you when you walk around with headphones in.” 

You rolled your eyes at the familiar red head as you teleported to the other side of Kirishima. “And that’s how easy it is for me to get away... Did Bakugo ask you to do that?”

He just chuckled, “No he didn't, but he did send me to tell you his phone got destroyed today while he was chasing down an arsonist. He’s going to be late tonight and might possibly pull some extra hours and work a graveyard shift.” 

You pouted slightly at the thought of being home alone the rest of the night. “Well I was going to make some dinner, you are more than welcome to join.” 

Kirishima narrowed his eyes at you, “Say we can order in and I’m down. No offense but I’ve heard stories about your cooking and I’m not really in the mood for food poisoning.”

You leaned over and started slapping his shoulder repeatedly, “Bakugo is a fucking liar! I am a perfectly good cook! He just never lets me!” 

Kirishima started laughing as he acted like he was going to put you in a headlock, “Whatever you say Y/n. Lets just order anyways. It’ll be my trea- AHH!” 

Kirishima let go of you in an instant as you looked down to see a small german shepherd that was probably no more than a year old with his teeth sank into Kirishima’s pant leg. “What the hell! Where did he come from?” He shook his leg a few times. Not really bothered by it considering it didn't break through his hard skin. When he finally shook the dog off it immediately backed up until his butt was practically between your legs facing Kirishima almost as if it was daring him to come any closer. “Well would you look at that? I think you have a friend there Y/n.”

You tentatively reached down and scratched the dog on his head. He softened at your touch and his tail started to wag. “He must have thought you were trying to hurt me... He doesn't have a collar.... Maybe I could -”

“Y/n so help me if the next words out of your mouth are take it home.. Bakugo will flip.” 

You smirked, “Well thats what he gets for leaving home alone. You know I’d call and ask him, but wouldn't you know it, I don't think his phone is working.” 

“Oh boy... you’re lucky he loves you.” 

It took no coercion to get the dog to follow you home. In fact all you had to do was say “Come on boy” and he followed you the whole way home like the literal puppy dog he was. 

Once you got him inside you made a little makeshift bed for him out of and old blanket of yours. You used a damp towel to get some dirt off of his paws. Katsuki was very compulsive about keeping a clean and organized home. If he came home to muddy paw prints on his hardwood floors it would be game over. 

You sat on the floor and the pup ran over and plopped down in your lap. His tongue was hanging out the side of his mouth while his tail was going a mile a minute. “Who’s a good boy? Huh? Is it you? Are you a good boy?” 

He flipped over and showed you his belly and gave a soft woof as is to confirm that he was in fact a good boy. 

“He already seems to be attached to you.” Kiri had a worried look on his face. 

“Well good because I’m already attached to him too. And I’ve already decided I don't care what Suki thinks. We’re keeping him.” 

Kirishima just rubbed his neck, “If you say so. I’m going to order us some food. You want me to order him some white rice or something?”

“Oh! Good idea! With chicken too! Make sure you tell them no seasoning though. Completely bland. We don't want him to get an upset tummy. We need to make a good first impression and I don't think pooping on the floor would be the quickest way to Katsuki’s heart.” 

“Well if there's anyone who knows the secret access codes to Bakugo’s heart it’d be you. Just do me a favor and don’t get your hopes up too high. I know he loves you and all. But you and I both know he doesn't like surprises, or messes.... or anything that cant take care of itself...” 

You snorted, “Well I guess we’ll consider this practice for a baby.”

Kirishima dropped his phone... “Baby? Did you just say Baby? You're not like...” he motioned to his stomach with wide eyes. 

“Oh no! Sorry no I didn't mean like right now. But you know eventually I’d like to have kids. This could be good practice for him.” 

He looked relieved, “I hate to break it to you I don't think Bakugo has a paternal bone in his body.” 

You shrugged, “I didn’t think he had it in him to be a good boyfriend either yet here we are. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

He seemed to think that over a bit, “Yeah I guess that’s true. I always knew you two would end up together though. He never shut up about you at UA. He was always, ‘Did you see y/n today at training? She looked so good!’ ‘Hey do you think if I asked y/n to study she would think it’s weird?’ and my personal favorite , ‘If one more fucking extra looks at her ass I swear to god I’m blowing the place up!’”

Your eyes widened, “Okay fist of all that is probably the best Bakugo impression I have ever heard. Spot on my friend. And second of all.... NO FUCKING WAY? Was he really like that? All I remember is him pushing me around and yelling at me in training.” 

“Oh he was smitten from day one. He could hide it from everyone but me.” 

Your food arrived and you and Kirishima continued to swap stories from UA. You telling him all about the behind the scenes gossip you and Mina would get into about him and he told you about all the times Bakugo almost asked you out but chickened out. It was a good night. 

He walked outside with you as you let your new, still nameless puppy go potty. Then he took off to go home. Saying he couldn't wait to tell Mina all the new things he learned about her. You just chuckled and waved goodbye. 

Now it was time for the tricky part. Every time you would crawl into bed the puppy would hop up as well. He would curl up to your side and it was so cute. But you couldn't push your luck so you would pick him up and put him on his blanket on the floor. Then a few minutes later he was back in the bed. 

The cycle continued for a while before you finally just got on the floor and cuddled with him until he fell asleep. Then you gently go up and snuck into bed. Not that it mattered because right as you fell asleep he jumped up and laid down near the end of the bed. Keeping your feet nice and warm. Everything was going alright until around 5 am when your boyfriend finally got home. 

“OI! What the fuck is this?” 

You bolted upright to see your dog now standing over you protectively, head bowed low as he followed Bakugo’s every movement with his eyes. 

“Hey don't yell! He doesn't like it.” You gave the dog an affectionate pat on his head and he seemed to calm down a bit. 

“Oh well forgive me if I hurt some random ass dogs feelings. Where the fuck did it come from? Who does it belong too?” 

You started to look anywhere but at Katsuki. Mindlessly petting the dog as your nerves settled, “Well Kiri walked me home as I expect you asked him to and we were kinda play fighting and this dog came out of no where and basically attacked Kiri to get him away from me because he thought he was hurting me. But he's actually really sweet and he seems to really like me and -” 

“Y/n... what the fuck where you thinking? Do you know how much responsibility a dog is?” 

“Well Katsuki I was thinking that now that I’m basically at home alone all day, stressed the fuck out may I add, that it would be nice to have some company. Not only does he like to cuddle but he’s also a perfect guard dog! Wouldn't you feel better on overnight shifts knowing that he’s here to help keep me safe?” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Y/n....” 

“Please Suki... We’ve already bonded. Honestly I think he would really help with my anxiety. I haven't really told you because I didn't want you to worry... but I’ve been a little... uh nervous.. leaving the house. And I feel like It would be easier if I had him with me. Pleaaaaaaaaase”

He sat on the edge of the bed and scratched the dog behind the ear, “Have you named it yet?” 

You beamed at him, “No not yet, I wanted your help. I’ll name him Lord Explosion Murder if you want I don't even care I just want to keep him...” 

He smirked, “That won't be necucesaay... What about Lucifer? Because I swear this dog is the devil. He tried to corner me in my own apartment when I came home.. You were right about him being a good guard dog.” 

“Does this mean we can keep him?!” You practically held your breath while you waited for an answer. 

“Uh I guess. But you’re the one that needs to take care of him. I already have to take care of you. I’m at my limit..” 

You lunged at him and wrapped your arms around his neck, “Oh my gosh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you so much! You're the best boyfriend ever!” 

“Yeah, yeah whatever. So what are going to call him?” Katsuki climbed in bed next to you and pulled you to him. The dog settling in by your feet again. 

“Not that Lucifer isn't a great name babe but you know I was kind of thinking about Zuko. He’s our favorite character from Avatar the Last Airbender and he’s a fire bender kind of like you so... I don't know. I guess I just kind of liked it.” 

He huffed, “I don't bend fire y/n. My sweat explodes. Hence the name Lord Explosion Murder.... but yeah.. I guess I could get on board with that.”

Later that morning you could hear the door softly close as you assumed Katsuki took Zuko out to go to the bathroom. Already doing exactly what he said he wasn't going to do. When he came back inside you could hear him talking to Zuko as if he were a human. 

“Alright so I’m only letting you stay because she likes you. As if she really thought I was going to tell her no. She took three bullets for me and thought I’d tell her she couldn't have a dog... yeah right. I’d give her ten dogs if that’s what she really wanted.” 

The sound of him filling up a bowl of water echoed from the kitchen, “But don't get too comfy because you have a job to do. You need to be the man of the house when I’m not around. And don't for a second think you can steal my cuddle time when I get home at night. You have her all damn day. When I get home it’s my turn... You got that?” 

There was a faint sound of Zuko panting as if they had gone for a run, “I guess you are kind of cute..” 

Working for Love: A Terrormoo Story, 1/17

Okay, soooo...surprise? For some reason, the first week of November I wrote this entire story. It’ll be broken down into 17 parts, about 4-5 pages each. 

Yes, this means I wrote over 26k words in one week. I don’t know either.

This is a story that I’m dedicating to @personfullofplotholes because of all the work she’s helped me with for my BBS, MCU, and personal writing. Without her, Libahunt wouldn’t be a thing, and I’d probably be out of the fandom completely. 

So this story will be posted every Saturday! I hope that you enjoy! ^.^  

Main pairing: Terrormoo There will be other pairings mentioned through it, though not in detail and no real moments or focus.  But they’ll be dabbled in there, so fair warning. 

Drabble One

Brock was not lazy. 

Really, he wasn’t. Sure, he lacked the active schedule he’d had when he was in high school. College had been a hard transition, and though he managed to get through it with a 4.0 GPA, his health took a hit. Making ramen noodles at three in the morning was simply easier than trying to prepare a balanced meal and study for his economics final. His friends hadn’t mentioned any changes in his waistline or that his cheeks had plumped up through the college exams and parties. The pants he’d shimmied into after high school were stuffed in the deepest corner of his closet by the last year of college, but he was genuinely happy with his life. He had a positive group of friends and a financially stable job as a teacher. Brock even got an apartment that had come with a gym membership to ‘Wildcat Athletics’ (the landlord, Nogla, said that he was ‘best buddies’ with the owner of the gym, and worked there on weekends) for as long as he was a tenant and paid his bills on time. 

The only thing that even reminded him about his weight hangups, if he was being honest, was his boyfriend. Or, well, his ex-boyfriend. That factor was the exact reason that Brock stood outside of the aforementioned gym, lower lip dragged between his teeth on the chilly Monday night. Valentine’s day had been over a month ago, but still held more heartbreak than love for Brock. He’d been left stunned and insecure by the cruel words his lover had used to end their relationship. 

“I can’t be with a guy who doesn’t want to fix what’s wrong with his body. You’re just too heavy for me to keep pretending to be attracted to.” 

Two years spent fostering a welcoming and loving relationship had meant nothing because Brock now had love handles? His ex was in better shape than Brock from day one, but he’d assumed their relationship was built on more than looks. Brock had always been a little heavier, yet he balanced the slight physical shortcomings with his endearing personality. Never once had his ex complained about his body when Brock let him borrow his car or covered some of his bills during his ‘career transition’ between jobs. When Brock’s raise meant a vacation to Iceland, there were no complaints of thicker thighs and missing abs in the natural hot springs. He’d never made comments about the weight gain when the two were between the sheets, though recalling their love life over the past six months, Brock could remember several times his shirt remained untouched through their sex. The touches lacked the romantic charge they’d held at the start of their relationship, when Brock’s hips fit better under his hands and his shoulders weren’t rounded by stress and long study sessions. 

But now all of these ‘burdens’ were too much for his ex to handle, and after his scathing comments, the man left Brock broken and crying in his apartment without a second glance. 

“You’re not doing this for him,” Brock reminded himself, hand gripped tightly onto his phone to keep from turning around and heading back to his car. He’d already visited the gym a couple times over the past week, but always felt the impulsive desire to leave as soon as he stepped out of his car. His shirt was the baggiest he could find in his collection, hoping that it’d cover the lacking muscles and stretch marks he’d been staring at for weeks. 

His break-up had been the catalyst for coming to the gym, but it wasn’t the only reason. Brock had several other contributing factors. Nogla’s face looked so hopeful when Brock mentioned he’d checked out the gym, and exercising gave him something to do to get him out of the house. He did get a small burst of pride each time he finished his walk on the treadmill, though he hadn’t been able to use it to take on the weights. For the most part, the gym wasn’t saturated with muscle-heads or judgemental members, and people who were in the same shape as him looked content going there. He’d only met the owner, Tyler, once, but he didn’t give a judgemental stare or rude comment when Brock mentioned Nogla’s offer. He did look grumpy while having Brock fill out paperwork and take his photo, but Nogla reassured him that it was just ‘his normal mood’. 

Night workouts were always met with less clutter, as most didn’t want to work out after a 9-5 job. Brock’s guilty pleasure of sleeping through three alarms kept him from being a morning warrior, and he enjoyed the quieter time. 

“Hey, welcome back.” He gave a small smile to the man who greeted him at the front counter before showing him his scan card.

“Hello.” He didn’t muster up the courage to exchange any more words than the polite greeting. ‘Evan’ (as the nametag offered) was handsome and kind, his smile disarming and real each time Brock came in. But his ex’s grin had been charming, too, and Brock wasn’t good enough for him. Brock was reminded of how the frumpy college t-shirt had a hole in the right shoulder and a stain under the logo that would be impossible to find attractive. Plus, Evan was far too attractive to be single like him. He tried to make his own smile hide his negative thoughts when he dropped his gaze and took the card back, scampering to the safety of the treadmills. 

There were only a few people in the gym, and the station he liked to use was free. The tv in front of it played Animal Planet, which helped him through the harder parts of his routine. Plus, it was furthest in the corner of the gym, meaning that most members didn’t see him. The less people that caught sight of his flushed face, sweat stains and pathetic gasps, the better. His water and keys were tossed into the holders before he fumbled through the buttons of the machine, feeling confident enough to push his level to ‘4’ instead of the 3 he’d been hovering over for the past week. In seconds the belt was moving under his feet, and with Maroon 5’s ‘Give a little more’ playing in his headphones, Brock threw himself into his workout. 

It wasn’t long until the higher leveled routine took its effect; Brock’s legs tingled with protest at the higher incline as each minute passed, but he tried to keep his mind focused on the music pounding in his ears. His chest expanded with greater desperation after minute seven, and Brock had to close his eyes after the ten minute mark to keep himself from shutting down the machine. The pads of his fingers were clammy, making it hard to change the song on his phone to something with a heavier beat. Another change in the treadmill’s incline had brown eyes looking to the TV, though dismay flooded him at the breaking news that was interrupting normal programming. The boring story didn’t have subtitles big enough for Brock to read, meaning looking at the screen was pointless. His eyes pulled away from the speech to find something else to distract him. It only took a few seconds to find the stairmaster, though the intimidating machine was not what caught his interest. 

There, practically jogging from the speed he was using, was a man that rivalled the treadmill’s ability to leave Brock breathless. The sweat that made Brock’s skin fluster and smell looked much different on the other member. The muscle tank top was cut open wide under the armpits, leaving an easy window to peek at the fit torso and stomach hidden under the cloth. If the thirteen minutes of torture hadn’t already turned him into a persperating tomato, Brock was sure he’d be blushing. He winced at the realization he’d been staring before he forced his eyes back down to his hands, watching chubby fingers clutch the pulse monitors like a lifeline. 

“Don’t stare, that’s creepy,” he huffed to himself. If he didn’t need his hands stable to keep from falling off the machine, he would have smacked himself. People were not at the gym to be objectified. Even if the man was beautiful, he had the same rights to a peaceful work-out. It didn’t matter how clear his skin looked, the cute way the front of his hair curled over his forehead from his work-out, or how bright his eyes were in the fluorescent light of the-Brock visibly jerked at the realization that his eyes had betrayed him, looking at the gym member again. 

It’s not your fault, his conscience (in Mini’s voice, which made it so much worse) tossed out, Brock already rejecting the excuse as it formulated. He has really nice legs, and those pants are definitely spandex from how tight they are painted onto his ass-

The fact that his unconscious had picked up on something he didn’t even know he’d evaluated had him pulling away from the thought. Again, his eyes were following the sleek movements of the man, and he wanted to cry when he realized they were settled on the spandex-covered posterior. Embarrassment rearing up, a weird noise of protest bubbled out of Brock’s mouth. His feet stumbled for a moment, and he was sure that his sneakers made an unpleasant noise against the treadmill’s belt that echoed from how empty the gym was. 

Horror rushed through his bloodstream as the blue eyes from before glanced his way, Brock ducking his head as low as he could during the worst part of his workout. He could barely keep himself walking up the high incline, but the lowered head made it so much harder. The sticky feeling of sweat clung to the collar of his t-shirt and the fabric against his back. He must have looked like a disaster, and the hottest guy he’d ever seen in the gym was looking at him. For a moment, he wished he could melt into the floor. Two grueling minutes went by before Brock finally raised his head again, breath shaky from both the work-out and his embarrassment. The blue gaze was still focused on him, and then a wave was paired with a beaming smile. He didn’t need to look to know his face was the reddest it’d ever been. 

Thankfully for Brock, the timer on his treadmill hit twenty, and the belt slowed to a stop. He didn’t hesitate to jump off the treadmill, eyes dropped to the floor when scampering from the embarrassing situation. He barely remembered to wave goodbye to Evan, escaping into the cold of the night. The gasp of breath was chilling through his lungs, but with how hot his face was, Brock wished he could dunk his head into a bucket of ice. Why had that guy waved at him? Was he trying to show that he knew Brock was staring? What if he was just being passive aggressive? The entire ordeal was mortifying, and Brock could already hear how loud Mini’s laugh would be when retelling the terrible experience. 

One thing was for sure; Brock was never coming back on a Monday night again.

And there’s part one. This is a very silly and fun story, and it will jump between Brock and Brian’s POV. So if you wanna know what Brian’s thinking, you’ll have to wait until next week and see! So, what did you think? Likes and reblogs will always be a good way to show me some love. Until next Saturday! 

❁ Intro. Q&A with S&C ❁

❁ What is your favorite type of movement?

S: I struggled with movement for a long time. Exercise was categorized as a chore in my brain growing up. I had parents who LOVED running, yet running always made me feel like I was dying. I discovered yoga in late high school. Last year, I completely fell in love with a studio that incorporates HIIT, core, and heat to create a dynamic workout. I'm obsessed! It's my therapy, workout, community, and whole heart in one. I also love that yoga is a competition against yourself - constantly bettering your own practice, rather than focused on competition against others.

C: Growing up I was always active and involved in sports like basketball and track. I’ve ALWAYS hated the running aspect, but every now and then I’ll go for a jog outside if it’s nice out. Now that I get to choose my workouts, I enjoy a combination of lifting, yoga, and HIIT workouts. My workout split typically looks like 4 days of lifting and HIIT and 1-2 days of yoga. On rest days, I always start my mornings with a short yoga flow or light stretching. I also enjoy the hot yoga classes that S talked about above! Hot yoga is what brought us together :).

❁ What is your favorite way to de-stress?

S: Oh god. Anything alone. Seriously. I am extroverted until I hit my limit and once I hit that limit it is a hard crash. I recently moved to a really friendly neighborhood and have loved riding my bike to the library, curling up in my hammock, and reading a great book while listening to some instrumental tunes. 

C: So many different ways! As a social worker, in order to be effective, I have to be on top of my self-care at all times. Journaling, meditation, yoga, reading, walking, and playing with my dogs and cats are some of my favorite ways to de-stress. I also find that using ear seeds helps when I’m experiencing high levels of stress or anxiety. Stay tuned for more ear seed info. in later blog posts!

❁ What is your favorite self-care strategy?

S: I need to be organized. I like knowing what food I'm going to eat the next day, having everything written out and color-coded in my planner, etc. I do really well when everything is put in its place and prepped for the next day - to a fault. I tend to deal with my high maintenance personality with obsessive organization because it is the type of self-care that directly combats my ADHD brain and keeps me functioning.

C: In addition to the ways that I de-stress above, I find a sense of calm in my weekly routine. At the beginning of the week, I enjoy cooking and meal prepping lunches for work, cleaning, and journaling my goals and intentions for the week. I have a Panda Planner that I like to use to stay organized. I also feel my best when I’m taking care of myself (i.e. focusing on eating well, being active, and maintaining my beauty/skincare routine).

❁ What are your health passions?

S: I have been on and off vegan for 6 years. I decided to start it back up at the beginning of this year, and 99% of the time I follow veganism. That's a HUGE passion of mine. I also recently started cycle syncing and I can't shut up about it!! I'm so excited to see what benefits it will provide. I'm a RYT200 yoga teacher with certifications in trauma-informed, children's, and teen yoga - I'm particularly passionate about incorporating vulnerability and mental health aspects into my practice. Lastly, I struggle with physical health (Endometriosis diagnosis) and mental health (GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder & ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder diagnosis), this has been a huge journey for me over the past two years. I am currently at a point where I manage these diagnoses really well naturally and it's important to me.

C: GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH! That is what inspired the name for this blog! I find that my gut health impacts my skin, moods, weight, energy level, and my overall well-being. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and IBD in 2016 and have been focused on healing myself with a combination of Western Medicine-based medication, nutrition and journaling food sensitivities, vitamin supplements, movement, and strategies to improve my mental health. Don’t get me wrong - I’m very passionate about mental health in general as I’m a practicing therapist, however, I tend to get burnt out on focusing on mental health only as it is often difficult for my consumers to incorporate a holistic approach. I am also passionate about movement and working on my fitness, as Fergie would say. There’s something uplifting about accomplishing a new fitness goal whether it’s increasing my weights in lifting or holding a headstand in yoga (still working on that one lol).

❁ What led you to wholistic wellness?

S: I had parents who made a huge lifestyle change right after my freshman year of high school. As a family, we went vegan cold turkey (or is it cold tofurkey? pls laugh) and my Mom poured her heart and soul into researching natural alternatives. I have had my own battle with balancing traditional medicine with more holistic results. I very strongly believe in wholistic approaches - I'm not against medication by any means, but I believe it's so so important to treat the whole person and that there is no "one size fits all" approach.

C: Growing up, I didn’t think there was anything particularly “unhealthy” about my lifestyle, but reflecting back as an adult, I can definitely say that we were not a household that was focused on optimal nutrition. We drank gallons of milk and Sunny D and ate maybe a serving of canned vegetables per day. We were active, so no one in my family was overweight, but I think my parents were just raising us on foods that they grew up on (that and canning became all the rage in the 90’s). I would say that I became passionate about holistic approaches to my health shortly after I was diagnosed with Crohn’s and was trying to learn to manage my symptoms. I had a lot of inflammation in 2016 and was prescribed a low dosage of steroids until my doctor prescribed immunosuppressants to keep my immune system from attacking my colon. I began focusing on more holistic approaches when I noticed that medication alone wasn’t making me feel 100%. Sure, it stopped my active inflammation, however, I was still struggling with stomach cramping, diarrhea, and chronic fatigue. About 1 year after I was diagnosed, my husband and I moved to a larger area where I had access to more specialized medical providers. My new gastroenterologist (GI) referred me to a nutritionist who helped me to learn to identify my food sensitivities. She also referred me to a behavioral health psychologist who provided me with an outlet for my stress and anxiety. I began to learn that I was holding chronic tension in my stomach whenever I was stressed or anxious about something. That’s when I began to understand the importance of holistic health.

❁ What is your personal social media?

S: @sarahlhively on Instagram

C: @cassandruh_dee on Instagram

❁ What kind of posts can I expect to see on this blog?

S: I'm really excited to talk about managing mental health naturally (particularly anxiety), possible book recommendations, self-care, and healthy meal prepping while on a broke college student’s budget.

C: I look forward to sharing my personal experiences with navigating my chronic health issues, nutrition, FODMAPs, gut health, mental health, the gut-brain connection, fitness/movement, and self-care.

❁ Why social work?

S: It's nice to not have this question followed up by "you know you'd make much more money as _______. Is it too late to change your major?" But for real. I started college as a special education major, quickly realized I'd rather do pretty much anything other than write lesson plans, and switched to being a WGST major. I expected to be able to get a job doing advocacy work with a particular focus on LGBTQ+ & women issues. I soon realized the WGST track is for students who eventually want to do research and social work was more what I was looking for. I never looked back. The multiple directions a social work degree can be taken in, the continually changing cases, the advocacy, vulnerability, and seeking justice for people all capture my heart. 

C: I have always been passionate about having a career centered around helping people. I became interested in therapy after having a particularly negative experience with a therapist that my dad sent me to when I was getting caught in the middle of my parent’s divorce and I experienced some trauma. I originally pursued psychology, however, fell into social work when I figured out that there are so many different opportunities available for MSWs.  I truly love my job and feel grateful to be compensated (FYI times have changed and not all social workers make next to nothing - thank the universe) for serving the children and families on my caseload

The Break Up Blog - Day Twenty Six

It’s official: I hate my nasal passages. 

It’s like there are furry kittens growing inside of them, that’s how sensitive they are today. Not that I’m allergic to cats or any other furry mammals; at least, I still hope that’s the case. I have heard that some adults develop latent allergies later in life that they didn’t have as children. Wouldn’t that just be my luck if that happened? 

While I sneezed my brains out nearly all day, I carved out time to do a few creative and productive things. First, I made scones for breakfast; I haven’t baked scones in nearly two years. This is the first time I made them while living abroad by myself. Granted, I left them a little too long in the oven, so they came out firmer than usual. But for a first attempt in a miniature oven, they weren’t half bad, especially when I spread butter and strawberry jam liberally all over it. My colleague, N, expressed a love for scones the other day at work and I thought of her while baking this morning. 

So when I decided to do my grading for my students’ journals at a cafe instead of at home, I asked N if she wanted me to drop off some scones for her near her home since it was en route to where I wanted to go. I left my apartment 15 minutes later that what I initially told N, but the traffic was kind to me and I got to the meeting point early enough. N had a harder time getting to me after doing her grocery shopping. There’s all kinds of roadworks and construction happening in my city these days to build more subway lines and the neighbourhood close to where N lives is completely discombobulated, including all the bus stops that have shifted over slightly to make way for the construction walls. 

Anyway, N finally met me and I gave her the scones, which she was happy to receive. It seems like she’s really stressed about work since she and C are part of the recruitment process that hires new foreign teachers at my school. There have been some issues with visa paperwork and flight bookings for a new hire that has many of my colleagues completely stressed out. Thank God I don’t help out with visa paperwork at my job; I’d be two blinks away from being carted away in a straitjacket if I were. 

N had to rush off to her Chinese class and I made my way to a cafe she and C frequented the week before. The cafe has cosy decor inside and a terriffic balcony section above where you can sit outside. Sadly, the balcony was closed today; the cafe probably only opens it up in the evenings when they serve dinner. So I sat inside and did my grading, which was still nice and cosy. 

The grading itself was more stressful than I initially planned. Maybe I just over-thought it and did more than I needed to. But it took me close to 4 hours to check and correct 38 journals as well as give each student feedback and a rating based on their writing. I know that H meant well when she planned for us to do weekly journals with our students. But the plan was meant to be executed at the start of the school year and it’s already the second semester. Plus, she made C design all the journals in different formats and colours for each grade instead of just ordering ready-made journals from a publication house. Now H wants us to critique each student’s writing every single week and only give them positive feedback so they stay motivated to keep writing in class. If I have to climb up more people’s asses and kiss them from the inside, including those of my students, I might never see the sun again. 

Nevertheless, I forged on and managed to finish all my grading, even though I was hungry and the cafe suddenly didn’t serve food. But they had a menu which not only had drinks displayed on it, but food as well. So naturally I was confused that there didn’t appear to be any food. I wrapped things up and tried to call my Dad to wish him happy birthday. After all the delays with my money transfers, I was happy that I managed to send my siblings some cash to help pay for my dad’s gifts and the family brunch. But the signal was really crappy on my phone since I was outside and waiting for the bus to take me home. I managed to get back to my neighbourhood after 18:00 and made a stop at the grocery store to buy tomatoes, mushrooms and garlic. N gave me some French bread earlier, so I made some bruschetta for dinner. Not the healthiest meal to have, especially right before going to the gym, but it kept the hunger pangs at bay since I inadvertently skipped lunch. 

My parents and siblings ended up going on a drive around the beach, which gave me enough time to have a good session at the gym almost unimpeded, shower and then head home. I even had time to go to work beforehand to pick up the new headband I ordered for the gym that I used for my workout. Unlike last week’s ultra-crap fat-loss regimen, I practically aced it the second time around tonight, which kept me in good spirits. 

I got home after 21:00 and called my Dad again. With most phone conversations, I don’t always know what to say to him. I don’t know why, I just run out of safe topics quicker with my dad than with my mom. My mom and I aren’t as close, but we find ways to talk about very superficial things like who’s a new and upcoming contestant on ‘Idols’ or what new wave of crime hit my old neighbourhood this time around. I’m closer with my Dad, but it’s hard to grab time with him to have a good heart to heart. Still, I was in an excellent mood and the conversation flowed well, especially when we talked about dishes we’d been cooking in the kitchen lately. It makes me realise how much I miss my Dad these days. 

It was great catching up with my mom and my siblings too; I feel bad that P and G have been treated to my depressing and morbid side too much lately. So it felt good to ask how they’re doing and make lots of silly jokes to keep the mood light.  Even though I wished I could’ve been home with my family celebrating my dad’s birthday today, I’m happy they’re still able to have fun without me too. Sometimes I feel guilty about being so far away from home, but I know my family loves and supports me no matter. I’m really lucky and it’s time that I start acknowledging and embracing it more often. 

Throughout my busy day, I still thought of X on occasion. When I walked to the grocery store earlier, this called ‘Loving Strangers’ by Russian Red started playing in my iTunes library. That brought up a flood of memories all related to X. I actually liked that song long before X and I even became friends, but I put her onto it and it eventually became one of our songs that epitomised our relationship. The song is from a soundtrack for this lesbian romance movie called ‘Room In Rome’. It’s about these two women who meet at a bar in - you guessed it - Rome, and end up spending the night together in a beautiful Roman hotel room. It wasn’t the best acting in the world, but the chemistry between the two actresses was on sizzling and the movie had a scintillating soundtrack too. 

Anyway, X and I both loved the song and the movie and watched it together a few times over 3 years. When I visited her the first time in the Philippines, we stayed a lovely 5-star hotel for our last night together. Unintentionally, we acted out a few romantic scenes from the movie. Like dressing up in fluffy bathrobes after taking a swim in the hotel and staring out the window together at the city skyline. Of course, we improvised with other things, like slow-dancing in our bathrobes to Coldplay’s ‘Sparks’ and ‘Loving Strangers’ in the middle of our hotel room. 

That night was so bittersweet for me because my flight back home was at 4am (I still don’t know why I booked that absurd flight time), so X and I only had a few hours together in that hotel room before I left her. I felt like Cinderella on the night of the ball with the Prince. For those first few hours, everything felt magical and wonderful. But as soon as the clock struck twelve, reality kicked in again and it was time to go back home in my pumpkin carriage. 

Being with X always felt like a beautiful dream that I was eventually going to wake up from. Now I’m finally awake and it’s still disorienting knowing that we won’t have more beautiful memories together or new shared experiences to make life a little sweeter than it was before. But I’m trying my best to move on and only focus on the crappier aspects of X’s personality to make me miss her less. What I need is to just land myself a hottie Sugar Daddy or Sugar Momma with low self-esteem on the next go-around with a relationship and hope to God they never get clued in on the fact that they could do better than me. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a catch in a lot of respects, but I am also a hot mess. I’m a slow learner, but I’m getting better and wiser with time. 

Shit, it’s past midnight and I’m starving. I’m trying hard not to snack late at night, but I haven’t been eating well lately because of stress and my depression kicking my proverbial butt. Does this even still count as a diary entry for 7th September? 

Since I’m making up the rules for my own happiness now, I say it still counts. And from here on out, I’m gonna do whatever the hell I please. 

Karma’s a Bitch - pt 3

Part 1    Part 2     Part 3     Part 4    Part 5    Part 6    Part 7     Part 8

Summary: Closure. That’s what you needed to finally forget that memory of your past. A memory that shaped you into becoming the person you are today. Perhaps you wouldn’t find closure, but instead closure in the form of a boy would find you.

Pairing: Jimin x female reader

WC: 2.7K

Warnings: Low self esteem

Note: Text messages in italics

* - * - * - * - *

Part 3 

Running towards the gym, you listened to your Training playlist to get in the mood before exercising. Without noticing you had dressed in a pair of pink shorts, which for some reason you didn’t felt confident enough to wear till now, and a sleeveless and tight black shirt. You wondered if you unconsciously did it in an attempt to get the attention of a certain someone. As yesterday, you greeted the receptionist and went straight to do cardio. Upon finishing your twenty-minute warm up, you went straight to do some weightlifting while scanning the area once more to find any familiar face. Reaching the main floor, you felt a tap on your shoulder. Turning around, you found the boy who helped you yesterday.

“Hey!” you said a little too excitedly for your taste.

“Hi! Jungkook told be about your wrist. Is it okay now?” the boy asked with a sweet smile. You had to contain yourself from smiling at how cute he looked. How can a boy be both cute and hot? It’s so unfair!

“Oh, it’s better now, thanks! I applied some ice to it, and it felt better afterwards,” you said while looking at your wrist, trying to avoid his seductive stare. Why was he looking at you like that?! You felt like he could see your soul by just staring at your eyes.

“I’m glad then! Yet if I’m being honest, I hoped you still had some trouble, so I could use it as an excuse to help you while we trained.”

The sincerity in his voice made you look up at him, and you realized he was flirting with you again. Some confidence filled your next answer.

“I mean…I wouldn’t mind if we trained together,” you shortly said while a small blush creeped into your cheeks.

“I wouldn’t mind either. Actually, I wouldn’t mind at all. What do you have today?”

“Leg day and you?”

“Same here! We could make a combination of your assigned exercises and mine,” he offered.

“Sounds fine to me. I was getting bored with my routine, so this sounds promising”

“It sure does,” he said with a wink while motioning you to move towards the leg press machine. When you two were walking in that direction, you decided to ask for a proper introduction.

“I’m Y/N by the way. We never got to introduce ourselves.”

“Oh yeah. I’m Jimin. Park Jimin,” he extended his hand to you. You shook it and when your brain actually understood what he just said, you withdrew your hand from his. Trying not to panic, you told yourself that name was common. He couldn’t possibly be the same Park Jimin from your childhood. He looked at his hand and then at you with a questioning stare. Calming down a little, you realized your action seemed rude, so you tried to explain yourself.

“Sorry, my hand hurt a little…” you lied.

“Oh really? Sorry, maybe I held you too tightly,” he seemed apologetic.

“No! it’s fine. Maybe I overestimated my recovery.”

“Well don’t worry, because I will help you to not get hurt again,” he smirked, and you faked a smile. If he only knew that a boy with his exact same name was the cause of your hurting. You tried to push back those memories that constantly tormented you and focused on the first exercise you had to do. While Jimin started loading the machine with about 90kg on one side, you did the same on the other side, earning a thankful smile from him. Asking if you wanted to go first and you indicating for him to start, he positioned himself in the machine and started pushing the platform upwards with his legs. Upon his pushing, you could not help your eyes wandering over those perfectly formed thighs. That was until he caught your attention with his remark. “Like what you see?”

Still mesmerized you let out a simple “Huh?”

Few seconds passed by until you realized what had he said and violently started blushing. Still you feigned ignorance, “What do you mean?” you said looking elsewhere rather than his thighs. At that he laughed finding it endearing how you wouldn’t admit to your actions. Clearly embarrassed by his laugh, you decided to give it a different approach.

“Sorry?” it sounded more of a question than a statement, but you weren’t really sorry for enjoying the pleasures of life.

“Tell you what, let’s not be sorry for staring at each other. Firstly, it would be a lie to say we are sorry to look at each other. And secondly, we’ll have to do several exercises, and it would be awkward to apologize for every time you focus on my thighs,” he smirked. “Besides, you shouldn’t use the “sorry card” for things like this. Instead save it until you actually need it,” he added, making an allusion of more encounters to happen between the two of you. An allusion that went way beyond time and a “just knowing each other phase.”

You looked at the ground to cover you flushed cheeks, not sure if it was because of the truthiness of his words or the fact that he may be considering hanging out with you more often. Nobody knew this about you, but thighs were your guilty pleasure. You sometimes even wondered if it was a kink since you quite frequently stare at Jungkook’s thighs. Now that you think about it, even your past boyfriend had some prominent thighs. Wow, you really have a problem: thighs. But right now, that problem only seemed worse since it was Jimin’s thighs that were attacking you. Breaking from your filthy thoughts, you remembered he was talking to you, so you decided to agree with him. In fact, his plan seemed right to you since you didn’t know if you could contain yourself from staring at him. He was just that beautiful.

To counteract his comment about you staring at his thighs, you looked at his eyes from the mirror’s reflection and said “Okay. But later on don’t go apologizing for staring at by butt.”

For a second, he seemed sort of shocked as if he had been caught doing it in the past rather than being warned for the future. His expression changed rather quickly from shocked to flirty, and you knew something was coming.

“Oh, believe me, I won't be sorry for that,” he smirked once again. Not been able to answer back from you lack confidence, you were glad to see he finished his first set. Just as you were sitting on the machine, he was about to take some weight from it, so you stopped him.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking this plate out,” he stated the obvious, pretty confused.

You lowkey knew what he was thinking. How can a girl weightlift the same amount of weight as him? Being in the gym for quite some time, you have met several boys who felt somewhat attacked by you being able to lift more than them. It always drove you mad, but right now you tried to control your temper by giving him the benefit of the doubt.

“You know… I can handle this weight”

“Yeah I know”

“Then why are you taking weight from it?”

“Well I was looking at your routine, and since it seems you have to add more weight, I was going to take this 10kg plate to add one of 20kg instead.”

“Ohhh…” was the only thing that came from your mouth. You felt incredibly stupid.

“What? Did you think I was taking weight out because I underestimated you for being a woman?” At this point he was just straight forward teasing you. He just read your mind, and you couldn’t be more embarrassed. He, on the other hand, just continued. “Leave that behavior to men with a fragile masculinity. Besides, I’ve actually seen you train for some time, and I know what a machine you can be,” he said while he finished adding the 20 extra kilos on each side.

What? Has Jimin been seeing you? Taking what he just said as an advantage, you brought it up to take revenge on the teasing he did earlier.

“Did you like what you saw?” a small smile creeped in your face. You started pushing the platform to start your first set, trying to act cool just as he did. Seeing his reaction from the mirror, you knew it was so worth it. He actually blushed upon realizing the amount of information he had just given you. Oh, comeback was such a sweet thing, and his cheeks were the proof of it.

“Um… well I just saw you from afar, but I have to admit it wasn’t a bad view, so yeah.”

“How long have you been seeing me?” you decided to continue teasing him.

“If I’m not wrong, it’s been about three weeks,” he said more confidently now.

“Wow what a stalker”

“No no! I just… It wasn’t… I found you pretty, that’s all”

“Oh” again you were at loss of words. ‘Pretty’ wasn’t a word you would relate yourself with. Even though people have told you that, you never believed it, thinking it was out of politeness or even worse, out of pity, yet Jimin had a certain thing that whenever he said something it came out as sincere. And judging by the way he was looking at you, you couldn’t deny you actually believed him. You were glad you were exercising since you could dismiss your flush as a consequence of physical activity. Not knowing how to answer and since you finished your set, you got out of the machine and looked at him, giving him a smile. He smiled back while scratching the back of his head, probably out of embarrassment. Immediately after, he went to change the 20kg disc to the 10kg disc, giving you the opportunity to go to the other side of the machine to mirror his actions. Both of you continued your improvised routine while having casual talk and sending flirty stares until it was time for you to go prepare for class.

Once you told him you had to go, he said how he enjoyed the workout session, and how he would love to do it again sometime soon. You told him you will certainly love to, being it the last thing you told him that day before you parted ways.

* - * - * - * - *

As soon as you arrived at campus, you received a text from Jin.  Let’s hang out after class. I have a surprise for you, so you shouldn’t deny my offer.

Wanting to tease him, you replied back. Wow are you bribing me into meeting you? Have some confidence in your charm.

Jin: Y/N, you know that of all the things I lack, confidence in my charm is not one of them, and I’m not bribing you. I’m warning you. If you don’t come, you’ll probably regret it.

You: Okay okay…If that doesn’t sound creepy at all…Let me finish class and I’ll meet you at the cafe

Jin: Okay! You’ll definitely like this surprise!

You: Don’t tell me that! I won’t be able to focus on class thinking on what it could be!

Jin: Guess you’ll have to wait and see! :)

You: It better be good

Jin: It’s good but not good enough as me.

You: I can’t deal with you sometimes. I’m leaving for class.

Jin: haha well not a lot of people can deal with my beauty, I get it.  Anyways, see you later!

You smiled as you read his last text. Wasn’t he too much? You didn’t care to be honest, Jin’s funny comments always made you smile. You wondered what his surprise might be, and prayed it isn’t something as a pair of pink pants. Jin knew about fashion, but sometimes you questioned his taste. Rushing towards your class, you took a seat at the front and waited for it to end. Lucky for you, today’s class revolved around discussing a text you had to read at home, so the class went by smoothly. Once the professor dismissed the class, you went directly to the cafe to meet with Jin and hopingly a good surprise. You immediately spotted his pink coat at one of the tables at the back. He faced your direction, and you noticed there was someone else sitting across him. Approaching the table silently, you sent Jin a questioning look, mouthing “Who is he?” to which he answered with a loud response.

“Don’t be shy, Y/N! Come join us”

Once those words left his lips, you saw the other person slowly turning to face you. You screamed from happiness once you recognized the face of the stranger-not so stranger.

“Namjoon!”

“Hey! How have you been?” he rose from his seat and embraced you, giving you a warmth you remembered all too well.

“Right now? I’m so happy! You have no idea how much I’ve missed you!” you almost stared to cry. He stopped hugging you and gave you one of his dimple smiles.

“Awww I’ve missed you too. Come on, let’s seat to catch up”

He gestured for you to seat on the seat beside the one he was occupying seconds ago. You had just sat when Jin said, “Hey! How come you haven’t greeted me at all? Am I invisible to you now that Namjoon is back?”

“Oh Jin, don’t be silly!” you saw him smile, probably waiting for your exiting greeting, yet you decided to annoy him. “How could you be invisible with that bright pink coat?”

“Hey! It’s fashion!” he pouted both from your teasing and from not earning a proper greeting. You felt sorry for teasing him, so you took his hands in yours and gave him a warm smile. “Thanks for the surprise. You really went over all expectations.”

“Well yeah, I tend to do that,” he smiled back and asked you if you wanted to order anything. Wanting only to catch up with Namjoon, you told him a coffee will do. Jin excused himself to go buy your coffee.

You turned towards Namjoon and asked him how his trip went.

“It was so pretty, Y/N. I went to all the museums I could and tried all the delicious food there was. You can’t imagine how much I enjoyed it!”

“I’m sure you did. You definitely have to show me the pictures you took”

“I certainly will do so. Whenever you have time, we should hang at my place and I’ll show them to you”

“Off course but tell me more. Anything interesting that happened, perhaps?”

“The most interesting thing that happened to me was almost losing my passport at the plane and having to delay another flight while the flight attendants helped me looking for it.”

“That’s so you,” you laughed.

“Yeah I sometimes wonder how I don’t get lost myself when I travel,” he laughed back.

Jin arrived with your coffee and placed it in front of you. You thanked him and took a sip of it, waiting for any of them to start conversation. Namjoon kept looking at you, and you had to look at his direction again. His smile wasn’t there anymore.

“Y/N, I’ve just noticed that you’ve become so thin”

“Oh really?” you awkwardly laughed, knowing where this conversation was going.

“Yeah. How could you have lost so much weight in just one year?”

“I mean I train daily so that’s what’s supposed to happen, I guess,” you shrugged.

“I know, but isn’t it too much? You really have changed since the last time I saw you.”

“Oh come on Joon, it’s not a big deal. I just lost a little weight”

“Are you at least eating properly?” he said while looking at your coffee that you still held in your hands.

“I do! Right Jin?” you defended while asking Jin for support.

“Yeah, don’t worry too much, Joon. I’ve kept her in track. Give me some credit, will you?” Jin said comically but hiding something in his words.

“Okay. Just don’t force yourself too much, will you?” Namjoon said, directed to you.

“I won’t. I promise”

“Let me buy you something to eat” he offered, and while you didn’t want anything to eat, you accepted to avoid being questioned even more. Once Namjoon came back with sandwiches for the three of you, the last conversation was forgotten with laughs and foolishness from the three of you.

1. “Solo Harry” - Sparks Fly

   Solo Harry is a whole other Harry. It’s the Harry I was always in love with, the one that got lost a few time down the road. We figured it out just over a year ago, how to make it work & we did it on our own terms. It took a little bit of time but here we are - Autumn of 2017. Harry & I just spent the majority of the past 4 months together. Harry made it a point to do his solo career on his terms. This new “solo Harry” as everyone keeps referring to him as, is so mature & grown up it’s incredible & I couldn’t be more proud to see him be so successful, especially the way he wanted it to be.

   Here I am, sitting at home in chicago on a Tuesday night by myself. Harry & I have been texting & facetiming throughout the day. Tonight is his 1st sold out show of his first ever solo tour. To say he was nervous was an understatement. He would never come right out & say it, but I know him so well that after multiple facetimes just to “show you how cool this is!” I could pick out the tiny nervous ticks. I had been texting with Lou Teasdale throughout the day just to keep another eye on him. Of course I want to be there on his first night but being an adult is hard & I don’t live such  glamorous lifestyle compared to Harry.

   That was part of our terms we figured out - I could still live in my tiny studio apartment with my cat & continue to work in the city & finish college. Sometimes it felt like I was living a double life. I would go out to Harry’s fancy events, like the premier of Dunkirk & travel with him on his press tour for the album & the movie. Then when I was back in Chicago, I was just regular old Natalia & Harry would visit & we would pretend like the life we live is normal & stay low. We even got into a routine over the past few months while I was off from school. I would travel with him for a few days then I would come back to Chicago & work & most of the time he would come with me for a little bit. During that time with him in Chicago, it was almost surreal. As tall & broad as he is, he looked out of place in my tiny studio & would always joke about the lavish apartment he could get us, but part of the deal was that I supported myself in Chicago, that was my turf. He was in charge while we traveled or he was on the job, but Chicago was my place, my rules. Chicago almost became a 2nd home for him. He had his little things in my apartment that stayed here, that never left. It was a place that was constantly lived in & didn’t look like a luxury hotel. I’ve never seen him so relaxed & comfortable, besides while he’s singing or in his childhood home, than he does when he’s here in Chicago with me.

   I would go to work while he stayed in my studio & took calls, wrote or just caught up on sleep. We would go to take workout classes together & go out to dinner with friends afterwards or pickup groceries at Trader Joe’s. Harry alway insisted on carrying all of the groceries. Harry really liked to cook too. My kitchen is tiny but he made it work & made delicious meals for the two of us. Sitting at home on my couch with a glass of wine & a plate of whatever Harry whipped up that night became our favourite thing. The quality time in a safe, happy space is all we need.

   I wanted to be there for him tonight, but text & facetime was the best  I could do right now.  It killed me to be sitting in my apartment prepping for work & attempting to get some homework done knowing what was going on in San Francisco. I glance down at my right hand as the gold ring on my finger hits the light. Harry gave me this ring just about a week ago right before he left for tour. It was simple, just as I liked my jewelry, complete opposite style of his taste. It was a custom gucci band, with floral engravings, to match his countless custom suits he has for this tour. I fight harry on extravagant gifts constantly, but this was different. Harry gave me this ring as a promise & reminder of all of our ups & downs & the commitment we made to each other to stay true & do everything our own way. We are in a perfect place & aren’t going to loose it again. I picked up my phone & shot harry a quick text, knowing his opener was just about done & he would be with his band, focusing & doing all his superstitious acts before performing.

   “Love youuuuuu, you don’t need it, but good luck,” I send quickly. I send a few heart emojis next because I know he thinks they’re cheesy & loves them.

    “Excited, nervous, wish you were here. Love you,” was the immediate response I got.

   No more than 5 minutes later my phone began to ring, Lou’s photo was flashing on my screen, asking to facetime. I answered immediately.

   “Hiiiii,” I answered with a huge smile on my face.

   “Babessss, he looks so good & the crowd is already insane,” she gushed, “I wish you were here, I miss my backstage partner in crime…”

   “It’s killing me not being there, sooonnnnn though, so soon.” I respond, thinking about the next week when they’ll be in Chicago. “So how’s he doing, really?” I ask, a serious look coming across my face.

   “He’s actually doing really well, really. You shouldn’t worry, he’s ready, he’s gonna be great.”

   “I know he’ll be great, I’m just… I just wish I could be there. I feel awful…. It’s tearing me apart.”

   “Babesss, he understands, we all do, & he’s proud of you,” she gives me a small smile & then it turns into a bigger one, “Speak of the devil,” she says cheekily as Harry appears on screen.

   “Hiiii babe!” there’s a grin that’s covering his entire face. “Aw bloody hell I miss you,” He’s taken Lou’s phone in his hand & starts walking,”Guys!!! Look! It’s Tals!!!” he spins around in circles & I see quick glimpses of Mitch & Sarah, & a some other crew members. Cheers erupting, clearly everyone is high on adrenaline.     “Harryyyy! I’m so proud of you, I know you’ll be amazing & I can’t wait to hear about everything,” I say quickly knowing there isn’t much time before he’s needed on stage & I don’t want to take away from his preshow fun.

   “I love you so muchhhh. I’ll call you the second I’m off stage.” I can see a distant look in his eyes for a moment. “I miss you.” He says quickly, more seriously.

   “Hey, Harry, you got this, okay? You’re ready. You can do this.”

   “Not without you,” his voice is so low I can barely hear it but his background noise is quieting, During the silence of me making out his words, he moves to a small room & closes the door. The lighting is better, I can clearly see his face & he’s silent.

   “Harry, yes you can. You can.” I say in a calm voice. “You know it’s killing me to not be there, but you got this, okay?” He’s silent & looking at his feet & messing with his hair. “Hey, lou worked hard on that masterpiece on top of  your head,” I say with a small smile, trying to get him to look at me & maybe even laugh. He finally looks at me with a slight smile in his eyes.

    “Okay. okay. I got this. I miss you like hell & wish you were here, but this is happening, i can do this.” he’s half talking to me, half giving himself a pep talk.

    “Yes, okay, Harry. I love you, now go back with your band & get ready for your kick ass show. You run this shit now, go have the best time on stage & have fun, okay?” I can see his mood shifting again & the spark is back in his eyes. He walks out of the room & conversations & a faint hum of screams fill the space.

   “I love you. I will call you when I’m done.” he walks over to Lou, “Here lou…. Also, can you check my hair, I think I messed it up… sorz.” I hear Lou laugh & as she takes her phone back, she runs a hand through his hair & fixes it for him with a smile.    “You’ll mess it up on stage anyway,” She responds with an eye roll as she finishes. Harry walks over to his band & Lou acknowledges me. “Everything good?”

    “Yup, just needed a little pep talk is all.”

hope you enjoy my first official little blurb of “Sparks Fly.” Please let me know what you thought, feedback is always welcomeeeee :) 

- Maria xx. 

i admire you, a lot. i want to change my mindset. not that it’s negative, but i find myself checking my social medias every few minutes when i’m bored. how can i stray away from that? i want to feed my mind with positive, inspirational, and motivational things, like those videos you listen to. how did you get into that and how can i become more motivated about life like you? 🖤

If you want the truth, it's not easy. It's hard. Its a full-time job. seriously. The first hour of the day when you wake up is the most important. First you can't check your phone at all. Checking our social media in the morning gives us endorphins with all the likes and comments we get that it makes us want more and that's what sets us up to be checking our phones all day. Second, the first thing you gotta do when you wake up is listen to something motivational as soon as you do you start doing your bed. A simple task as that gets you in the mood to do other tasks that come easy and naturally. After you do your bed, write down some tasks to do for that hour. Tasks you can do on the daily basis to build up discipline such as: 1. Do my bed 2. Brush my teeth 3. Walk my dog4. Workout and Run 5. Meditate 6. Cold Shower7. Read a book After completing each task put a check mark next to it. It gives you that feeling of accomplishment to do other goals you have for that day. It's the same feeling of accomplishment we get when we do tasks in videos games. That's why video games feel so rewarding but it's all done automatically for you. Therefore it feels even more rewarding writing them down and doing it daily. So for this I recommend writing down on a piece of paper either every morning or the night before you go to sleep for goals/tasks you want do accomplish the next day. I also recommend writing a big goal to accomplish that month then a small goal for everyday that goes to full filing the main goal of the month. And in that same piece of paper write down your tasks. So not only are you stimulating your subconscious mind with those goals but you will start focusing on ways to accomplish them instead of focusing on the negative aspects of them like everyone always does. Do not be vague with your goals be very specific and do not be afraid to dream big. The most tragic thing in life isn't aiming to high and missing it's aiming too low and hitting. So everyday write down and read your goals. Go even further by writing down your goal for this year. Schedule your day, your week, your month and even the whole year. The reason people aren't successful isn't because bad things are meant to happen to them it's because they believe bad things are meant to happen to them. It's because people don't work on themselves. You can't feel well and do well if you put nothing but negative aspects in your mind. You don't get in life what you want, you get in life what you are. Everyday you have to recondition your life. Every single day. And that's why people give up and most already broke their new years resolution. IF IT WAS EASY EVERYBODY WOULD DO IT. This is why I don't feel bad for people who complain about others success saying it's all luck, has to do with beauty or even intelligence. I don't feel bad for y'all because YOU FEEL BAD FOR YOURSELF ALREADY. I feel bad that you constantly program yourself to be negative. And that's sad. That's the definiation of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting things to change. The moment I realized that, that's when I started to change. I attracted certain things in my life because I made that decision i needed to change. Honestly I try helping people and sending people videos who seem like they need them but I stop because they're not willing to change themselves. People love to say they want to be this and that and have their own business. But keep having the same ass routine every weekend dealing with people who don't even appreciate them. And they go and complain about them later on social media. Y'all don't want change. Y'all just talk about it like if it just gonna happen. Be exact of what you want, be specific, what will make you happy? Do not stop until you have it. You see when things don't go my way. That only makes me angry. It just drives me and makes me more hungry than when I started. Y'all see challenges as obstacles, I see them as growing opportunities. What's the difference between you and me? Mindset. Thank you, and God bless you.

8 Ways to Stop Sugar Cravings

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8 Ways to Stop Sugar Cravings

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Craving ice cream or searching the pantry for a sweet treat every night after dinner? You’re not alone.

The truth is sugar is incredibly addictive, and in today’s world it’s easily available in many attractive forms! Whether it’s a quick stop at a drive-thru or raiding the pantry for a handful of chocolate chips, we all know how it is to suddenly “need” something sweet.

Many people struggle with sugar cravings. Our modern lifestyle often includes processed foods, irregular sleep schedules, artificial light, and inactivity. These factors all contribute to sugar cravings, weight gain, and mood problems.

Fortunately, there are lots of things you can do to help ease those hankerings.

What Causes Sugar Cravings?

Humans are somewhat wired to crave sugar from birth, and for good reason. Breast milk is naturally sweet and contains important carbohydrates that not only feed baby, but baby’s healthy gut bacteria as well.

The carbs in breast milk stimulate the release of serotonin and endorphins to promote relaxation. This contributes to the bonding process between mother and child.

Later in life, this natural desire for sweet foods continues. The body gets a physiological sense of reward from eating sugar, and when food was scarce, these cravings were life-saving. These days, our cravings generally do more harm than good.

Overdoing it on sugar and carbs perpetuate this craving cycle, and many of us fall victim to it. According to the American Heart Association, the average American consumes 22 teaspoons of added sugars a day in the form of foods, drinks, and sweets.

Of course, occasional indulgence in a high quality and nutrient-dense treat, like homemade chocolate or coconut milk panna cotta, is perfectly fine unless there is another health issue at play. It’s habitual, everyday sugar consumption and cravings that pose a big problem for many people.

How to Stop Sugar Cravings

Ready to go sugar-free? I recommend starting with a sugar detox to break the habit and allow the body to heal. This can be difficult, but going cold turkey might not be as difficult as you think. Stock your fridge with low-sugar fruit, like berries, to help ease those cravings.

You can also slowly wean yourself by reducing your sugar intake over time. Start by replacing refined sugar with natural sources, like coconut sugar or maple syrup, before transitioning fully off the sweet stuff. Here’s how to tackle either kind of sugar detox.

Here are a few other things I’ve found that can help you curb sugar cravings naturally.

1. Briefly Supplement With L-Glutamine

This was a tip I first encountered when reading Dr. Julia Ross’ book The Mood Cure. This book is a gold mine of information about nutrition, and I found her tips for battling a sweet tooth especially interesting. (Also check out her most recent book The Craving Cure.)

Her theory is that stress, poor diet or environmental factors deplete some people of certain amino acids that create intense sugar cravings. In this case, a healthy diet alone may not be enough to reverse the problems. As Food Renegade explains in-depth, any of us with severe amino acid deficiencies and neurotransmitter imbalances can’t overcome sugar addiction with willpower alone.

Fortunately, Dr. Ross’ solution involves short term supplementation with the amino acid L-glutamine. In fact, she claims that when a sugar craving hits, just a few 500mg doses of L-glutamine per day is enough to fix the problem in only a month or two.

In hindsight, I noticed that when I was taking L-glutamine as part of my protocol to improve my gut health and manage my autoimmune thyroid disease, I also lost all cravings for sugar. I hadn’t connected the two at the time. Amazingly, I haven’t craved (or even wanted) sweet foods since then.

I personally took these L-glutamine capsules twice a day, but some people prefer the powdered version that can be added to drinks. As a side note, L-glutamine is often used for building lean muscle mass in athletes and I noticed that I also had a faster recovery time from difficult workouts while taking L-glutamine.

2. Eat More Protein and Good Fats

Sometimes, the cause of food cravings might be as simple as snacking on too many processed carbohydrates on a regular basis and not getting enough protein and fats.

Carbs like sweet potatoes provide a quick and easy source of energy for the body, and they certainly have their place. When you get into a habit of eating too many carbs, however, the result can be blood sugar fluctuations that lead to cravings.

Proteins are made up of amino acids, which are vital for balancing hormones and avoiding sugar cravings. Healthy fats from whole foods like avocado help fuel the body, while increasing satiety to ward off immature feelings of hunger.

Over the long-term, eating healthy fats and proteins (along with lots of veggies) can help with sugar cravings. They provide your body with essential fatty acids, amino acids, and micronutrients it needs to remain in balance and not crave foods unnecessarily.

3. Eat When You’re Hungry (and Plan Ahead)

Times of intense hunger are not times to make level-headed decisions about the best foods to eat. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. In this case, that means planning or prepping healthy meals ahead of time so you’ll have them on hand when you get hungry. A solid meal plan for the week will make it that much easier for you to stay on track.

Like I mentioned above, eating enough nutrient-rich foods like proteins, healthy fats, and vegetables will help stop extreme hunger and blood sugar swings. This makes it easier to choose healthy options as sugar cravings hit stronger when you allow yourself to get extremely hungry. Especially when this hunger is combined with stress or lack of sleep!

4. Get Moving

Exercise releases some of the same endorphins you get from sugary foods and can be a great substitute when done consistently.

You don’t have to go running or do anything incredibly intense to get the benefits. Just a brisk walk, a few minutes of jump rope intervals, or a few bodyweight exercises can be enough to get the endorphins moving and dodge the sugar cravings.

My favorite exercise these days is a walk or jog with my dog or a quick kickball game outside with the kids, but there are endless options. Planning exercise is also a great way to beat the sugar habit long term. Eventually, you can train your body to love the endorphins from exercise as much as those from sugar.

5. Get Some Sleep

It is no secret that sleep is important. Not getting enough zzz’s is linked to just about every chronic health problem. Specifically, not getting enough sleep can increase your risk of heart attack, cancer, diabetes, and other metabolic disorders.

Sleep is also vital for balancing blood sugar and maintaining the correct levels of the hormones that manage insulin. In fact, just one night of impaired sleep can leave you with the blood sugar levels of a pre-diabetic. Not the best idea for someone trying to master sugar cravings.

For this, and a million other reasons, make sleep a priority. It is one of the few silver bullets in health and it is totally free! These are my best tips for optimizing sleep (even as a mom!).

6. Try Supplementing With Chromium

Doctors sometimes suggest taking chromium to regulate insulin. This essential trace element is important for balancing blood sugar levels.

In small doses, chromium may help ward off blood sugar dips and spikes that lead to cravings. A doctor once recommended that I take 200 mcg of chromium once a day in the morning to help balance blood sugar levels. However, you should check with your own doctor or registered dietitian before starting a new supplement.

7. Get Your B-Vitamins

B-vitamins are important for so many reactions in the body, including the way you metabolize carbohydrates.

You’ll deplete these important nutrients when you’re stressed or eat too many carbs. I found that I had much more energy when I took a fermented live-source b-vitamin complex.

8. Stay Hydrated

Hankering for a sweet afternoon snack? Pour yourself a glass of water instead.

Thirst might be the culprit behind your sugar cravings. When you’re dehydrated, your body has a harder time producing the glycogen you need to stay energized. Drink lots of water to make sure this isn’t adding to your sugar problem!

A Note on Sugar Substitutes

Many readers ask me if they should swap out their refined sugar for artificial sweeteners or other substitutes. Unfortunately, just switching out sugar for another kind won’t address the underlying problem. In some cases, it may even lead to more serious problems. I personally use xylitol and stevia as natural sweeteners on occasion. You can read my full take on sugar substitutes here.

Start Today!

Quitting sugar can be a real challenge, especially if you have children that crave it just as much as you do! Fortunately, adopting a healthy lifestyle, eating the right foods, and getting the right mix of supplements can really help.

This article was medically reviewed by Dr. Lauren Jefferis, board certified in Internal Medicine and Pediatrics. As always, this is not personal medical advice and we recommend that you talk with your doctor or work with a doctor at SteadyMD.

Ever battled sugar cravings? What are some hacks that helped stop your sugar cravings?

Sources:

Depner, C. M., Stothard, E. R., & Wright, K. P. (2014). Metabolic consequences of sleep and circadian disorders. Current diabetes reports, 14(7), 507.

He, C., Anand, S. T., Ebell, M. H., Vena, J. E., & Robb, S. W. (2015). Circadian disrupting exposures and breast cancer risk: a meta-analysis. International archives of occupational and environmental health, 88(5), 533-547.

Johnson, R. K., Appel, L. J., Brands, M., Howard, B. V., Lefevre, M., Lustig, R. H., … & Wylie-Rosett, J. (2009). Dietary sugars intake and cardiovascular health: a scientific statement from the American Heart Association. Circulation, 120(11), 1011-1020.

Matthews, E. E., Li, C., Long, C. R., Narcisse, M. R., Martin, B. C., & McElfish, P. A. (2018). Sleep deficiency among native Hawaiian/Pacific Islander, black, and white Americans and the association with cardiometabolic diseases: analysis of the National Health Interview Survey Data. Sleep health, 4(3), 273-283.

Solís, G., de Los Reyes-Gavilan, C. G., Fernández, N., Margolles, A., & Gueimonde, M. (2010). Establishment and development of lactic acid bacteria and bifidobacteria microbiota in breast-milk and the infant gut. Anaerobe, 16(3), 307-310

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/59215/sugar-cravings/

Contemplations

...of aging, and the year of 2017

Hey, it’s been such a long time I haven’t write a long (and personal) blog so pardon my (even more) rusty writing skill--phrasings and poor vocabulary. 

Well. I’ve been thinking to share some of my thoughts to the internet concerning...age. 

26th of September is my birthday. Actually this is the last year I’ll be in 20s, haha. Lately (at least among my friends) it’s so familiar to hear “It feels like I was graduating school yesterday damn it.”

Is birthday really matter?

Nah it’s just a calendar--day, week, month, year, time system made by humans as a system to measure how long we’ve been here, on earth. I don’t feel really connect with the concept to celebrate anniversaries exactly by “time”. It works more as reminders, a trigger to notice myself to contemplate, evaluate, and plan. 

Should I be happy? Hmm. Celebration, eating fancy, wonderful wishes, surprises, gifts, are bonus. I might be taking them for granted actually, (I feel bad for that) but I kinda feel it’s not a necessary thing to have on a birthday. Though my birthdays have been so great since I was little, so in my mind, a birthday is always been a good and fun association. 

Except, when I was reaching 20... my anxiety about stuff arose, maybe this time is the same. I’m about to hit 3rd checkmark of 10 years of milestone. So it’s a lie if I say, that aging doesn’t matters at all.

I feel so grateful that I’m always surrounded with kind people who care about things I love, my well-being, or my future, or simply all people that accept my presence on their lives. So thank you for all wishes and gifts... Though I can’t promise anything in return.

Suddenly I remembered...

My mood was not really good lately. I’m thinking about lot of stuff. Frustrated, anxious, worried(?), and a little bit pessimistic. Why, I wonder?

I’ve been thinking, what’s the difference, and how I’ve been changing from 10 years ago; the teen me, to I am now. So here are my personal conflicts.

1. First of all, the easiest thing to notice, is my physical body. 

Back then, recovery was fast, good stamina, and a body that didn’t go sick although I didn’t put so much attention in it. I could ate stuff sloppily, hygiene doesn’t stop me from doing what I want, sleep deprivation didn’t matter as much, pollution didn’t really affect my respiratory system, bad posture didn’t get me strains or sores, lack of exercising also less punishing. Waking up motivated and energized.

Now... well, I’ve been trying to wake up not feeling bad, and go to sleep with a good posture so I don’t feel like shit the next day. 

Allergies such as dust, smoke, (my own) sweat, water (on my scalp) are easily triggered these days. I dunno if the environment here getting so much worse (well, it’s a capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta), or just my body can’t cope up with my old lifestyle.

After I get the feeling of living in a weak dying body previous years, being unproductive, unmotivated and low at energy, mood-swing, stressed and getting the feeling of “decaying”, having atrophic and useless muscles; I figured it was because I lack of self-care. I feel that can’t ignore this shit anymore, before it’s getting far too late.

2. Mindset & interests.

The more I think, I noticed maybe the biggest difference between me 10-20 years ago with me right now, is the optimism level LMAO.

In junior high school days, to 20+ ish, I kinda have faith that someday (perhaps in 5-10 years) I might be able to become famous, or having decent money flow. I felt that I was a genius compared to people my age, haha well I had a narrow social circle. As I grow older, things become difficult (actually prolly I was just underestimated lot of stuff back then?). Having more knowledge makes me think that I know nothing about this world, this industry I work in, about what’s work and what’s not, about this life.

I used to have strong feel of justice or moral compass that’s quite firm. I could really simply say that doing A is plainly wrong and doing B is absolutely right. As I grow older, learning so much stuff (from experience, or fiction stories I consume), knowing so much people with their insight from cultural, religion aspect, things are not as simple. I faced lot of turning point couple of years lately.

I used to have interest in drawings, my capability to draw something, but not about reading, or listening about things that inspire. My dream was to become an animator or comic artist, later on I was only interested in the drawing process, the result, but not the story. Maybe that’s why I’m comfortable in joining other’s project rather than doing my own.

I consumed things that only makes me able to create what people told me to, but not “nutrients” for my ability to conceptualize and inspire, to deliver message. In 7++ years of my career, I deliver nothing, just work, ego "masturbating”, fun and money. Not so long ago, I noticed I that I should change my direction. That I had to make impact, or at least, a lasting impression, stuff that people could think about. 

I focus less in technique, and think more about purpose, idea, vision. Things that only I, can deliver it (still looking). Things that are more personal and close to my identity.

3. Family condition.

Not only me that gets older. Parents, partner, sibling and other relatives are also getting old. Not to mention the economy and how industry, business trends flows by. 

Economically, my family is currently going downwards. Parent’s not as healthy as they were 5~10 years ago. Good thing they’re still lively, active, able-bodied to still go traveling actually. They simply can’t work continuously, hence eventually, incomes are scarcer. Bills getting higher each year, or even months. They don’t demand retirement (thanks to them), but I feel they’re thinking we (their children) are not ready to take full responsibility of paying all of household needs. But luckily enough, our family didn’t have any debt. Yet I could use steady income to cover us, as soon as possible.

Psychologically, parents are more into games now (I’m so glad lol), and they’re still quite sharp to pick out hoaxes though there are lot of random Whatsapp videos or articles they share with the old folks. Overall, still good but long term-wise, I’m quite pessimistic.

4. Spiritual side, ego, myself.

It’s getting harder to reach a clear mind nowadays, just a moment to meditate and let my mind sit calmly, silently. I guess I’m now getting even more drowned into the “Lazcht” ego. I feel the need to work hard, but only to serve the “me”. How about afterlife thoughts, awareness, mindfulness? I know I need more mind exercise, but there we are, too busy being involved into mundane stuff haha.

Love life, it’s hard to describe but now I feel like I can control better of my own possessiveness, to think that love is about giving, having a big heart, and letting go. Breakup? Nope, but as a formerly monogamous person, I’m currently having a polyamorous partner. We had been seeing the differences as our biggest obstacle on continuing the relationship, and I was trying to make myself adapt and change to compromise, but now, we decided to see and experience love with our own “style”. It works for now, tho, we don’t know for how long. :’)

Insecurity changed and taught me a lot of life lesson. Back then I’d never care much about my body image, upgrading wardrobe and so on. Lately I also feeling anxious again about my gender issue. The urge to transition (I’m a trans FYI) is getting stronger, but meh... I’m broke, so not now. :(

What do i do then?

1. Physical aspect: workout, regular outing, drink more water, body-awareness, and keeping good habit. 

Latest one is hardest, because of my zero-discipline. For people who has similar issue with mine, easiest way I find is to bathe regularly, at least once a day would make my day better. Maintaining room’s sanitary is also excellent method to wake up feeling great. Recently I bought an air purifier, vacuum regularly, and it worked nicely.

I once find using a scheduler app with fixed wake up time, eating, working, etc makes me feel better and content, then again it’s hard to keep it on long-term. 

2. Nutrients for brain: watch or read more interesting and recommended stuff, explore, make new friends or be in a new circle. 

I also feel that it’s necessary to learn languages, especially Japanese, I feel like someday I’ll really make use of them.

Probably planting is also a way to refresh mind and soul. I really hope to learn on cultivating vegetables, or just herbs if it’s easier haha.

3. Economy and family matter: can’t do much for this actually, except doing my best on my work and keeping healthy relationships. 

I really hope I can make them go travel somewhere else beautiful, since their mindset always like “we wouldn’t afford that much.” or “it’s not worth it.” well, perhaps they’re not into it but I just don’t want they can’t afford to spend money on something they love.

Hopefully I can find a good way to improve my economy without too much sacrificing important things.

4. Myself as me: I... just hope to improve, or perhaps become slightly more famous as an artist or gamedev person lol. Most of all, I just want to love myself more, and be content with my own self. Also hopefully I’ll become more useful to others, on anything. I wish I can optimize myself because... too much burnout (physical or social). If anyone notice that sometimes I don’t appear anywhere or rarely seen, that’s not necessarily that I hate being with you guys, mostly it’s because I need my space and time.

Ideally, I want to go to more convention events, overseas, selling my own stuff (or with circle), get in touch with amazing people. Or simply maintain good relations with people around me (not just physically ofc) right now. You guys are good friends. 

Okay that’s enough, I think I can count this as my prayer because I don’t usually “pray”. Forgive me for my wrongdoing (or let me know?) and thanks for being here with me. May universe get along well with everyone and hear our wishes! :)

~Lazcht, 29 Y.O.

How Cold Showers Might Boost Your Health

Sometimes a slight change in our lives can have huge impacts in our health and fitness. For many of these changes, initially, we may perceive a bit of discomfort in our lives.

We can all agree that while it’s probably more convenient to stop off at McDonald’s on the way home from work, that convenience comes at a price. In this case, a price to our health. There are even times where actively choosing a bit of discomfort can have beneficial effects to our health in the short and longer term.

Comfort Isn’t Actually That Healthy

Surprisingly enough, only a certain amount of “comfort” and “recovery” is actually good for us. We’re made to grow by having stressors in our lives. While it’s true that many of the chronic stressors that we experience, like chronic lack of sleep, have a negative effect on our lives, other short terms stressors, like breaking down muscle from working out, actually give our bodies cues to become stronger and more resilient.

What if I told you there was a way to naturally fight inflammation and release hormones that help to improve focus and mood? What if I told you that this same method could increase fat burning potential and aid in recovery from workouts? It would seem magical, right? Too good to be true? When if I told you that it could even be free?

This amazing therapeutic behavior is so simple it’s going to blow your mind. You can even start today.

So what is this amazing trick that sounds too amazing to be real?

Here’s the deal: the next time you turn on your shower, leave the hot off. Yeah, that’s right—take a cold shower on purpose.

The Benefits of Cold Showers

I know you’re probably thinking, “That’s it?”

This is one of the oldest Paleo paths to health, and you literally need nothing but the stuff that comes out of your faucet. Peoples ranging from our own Native American tribes, to the Nordic ice plunges, even to the royal family in Great Britain have made use of the health benefits of cold water. (1)

Before you click off the page, take a deep breath and read on to see why something as simple as a cold plunge can have wonderfully positive effects on your day and your health.

Hot Water is a New Thing

In our Paleo history, even living in the most gentle of climates would have exposed us to regular differences in temperature. Our lives today are, for the most part, bereft of any major environmental stressors. A quick flick of the thermostat keeps us comfortable in most places on the planet. To get us back to our more drastic roots, having a cold shower a few times a week, or even daily, can allow us to hack our bodies into a whole new level of health.

I’m going to take a second and acknowledge that initially, this can be an uncomfortable undertaking, but I have personally found that the rewards far outweigh a few minutes of discomfort, and I’ve even found that there’s a victory in getting “tough.”

Cold Water, or Cold Air?

While we’ll focus on the easily accessible cold shower as a means to controlled cold exposure, there are cold exposure chambers, called cryo-chambers, that are popular with athletes and others in the world of cold exposure.

Cryo-chambers utilize super cold gases like liquid nitrogen to cool the air immediately around the body down to as low as -280 degrees Fahrenheit. If you are fortunate to have one of these chambers locally, it is a fun modality to try. While I personally have tried it a few times, I don’t seem to notice a huge difference between cryo and cold water immersion/cold showers. Cryo does have a small risk of frostbite. Some people swear by cryotherapy, saying they can really notice a difference when using it. Your own experience may vary.

Norepinephrine

One of the largest reasons for considering cold exposure is norepinephrine. Norepinephrine is interesting as it serves as both a neurotransmitter and a stress hormone and is released in the body to help it handle periods of stress. (2)

Studies have shown that even short bouts of exposure to cold can double or triple norepinephrine levels. (3) Though yet to be studied directly, cold exposure could be a tool in the treatment of depression, due to this effect. Pharmaceuticals that deplete norepinephrine often list depression as a side effect, which could potentially suggest that boosting norepinephrine through cold exposure or otherwise could be a viable treatment option. (4) Of course, more research is needed.

In addition to its effects on the brain and nervous system, norepinephrine is also a potent anti-inflammatory substance in the body, inhibiting select inflammatory pathways, specifically tumor necrosis factor alpha (TNF-alpha). (5) While TNF-alpha has utility in the body, excess TNF-alpha has been implicated in numerous diseases ranging from arthritis to asthma. (6,7) While treating these conditions with a pharmaceutical TNF-inhibitor may be effective, what if we could get the same result by giving our hot water heater a break?

Cold exposure can also lead to the constriction of blood vessels, which is another way that it can be beneficial for reducing inflammatory responses. (8) The reduced blood flow is what can lead skin to look more pale during exposure to cold. Athletes often turn to ice baths and other cold therapy to reduce inflammation following injury as well as delaying and reducing overall muscle soreness, but this practice can extend well beyond sports medicine.

Depending on your health goals, the timing of your cold therapy is important. If you’re trying to increase muscle, for example, you’ll want to wait awhile after exercise to expose your muscles to cold, since exposure directly after exercise can actually prevent your muscles from increasing in strength. (9) There is a time and a place for inflammation, and sometimes, it’s a good thing in the short-term.

Brown Fat

Did you know that you have two kinds of fat in your body? One type is generally used as a long term calorie storage medium, while the other is much more active on a day to day level. This active fat is referred to as brown fat because it has enough of an increase of mitochondrial activity to make the tissue look darker under a microscope. (10) Mitochondria are the energy-producing powerhouses of the cells, so this brown fat has an increased capability for energy metabolism.

Since this brown fat is more metabolically active than its white fat counterpart, it works in our favor to be able to rev up brown fat metabolism. Exposure to cold can allow us to both produce more brown fat, as well as keep it metabolically active. (11) Burning this brown fat uses a good amount of fatty acids for energy and, by extension, lowers plasma triglyceride levels and helps to reduce obesity in general. (12) Both exposure to cold water and cold air in general will work for this purpose.

The more brown fat a person has, the more efficient that person will be at burning fat, as well as having less body fat in general. (13) Brown fat is fascinating in that its activation into the metabolic framework causes a cascade of wonderful biochemistry, including reducing plasma triglyceride and cholesterol levels as well as diminishing diet-induced atherosclerosis development and potentially protecting against developing thickened arteries. (14,15) One of the most amazing things about your body is that it can actually convert white fat to brown fat, setting itself up for a healthier, more efficient fat burning machine. (16)

Activating brown fat also has been shown to improve both glucose homeostasis, as well as insulin sensitivity, meaning that it points us in the opposite direction of diabetes. (17)

The bottom line is that by increasing your exposure to cold, you can increase the amount of brown fat in your body. Brown fat can, by its presence, activate not only positive effects for the calorie-burning aspects of metabolism, but also for a host of other biomarkers that have a profound impact on total body wellness.

Cold Exposure Can Give You a Mental Edge

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that nothing gets the sleepy fog out of your brain and gets you mentally on track more than a two minute cold shower first thing in the morning.

Every morning, right after I wake up, I turn on the cold water and step in. Most mornings there’s a fun little inner voice conversation that goes something like this:

“Oh man, really?”

“C’mon, GET IN!”

“But I was so warm a minute ago in the bed…”

“That’s nice, let’s do this!”

It’s honestly fun to witness my brain go complete monkey mode. Being able to push myself to step into that shower gives me an immediate win for the day, and sets me up mentally to be happier, more focused, and more productive.

When you know that you can do hard things and conquer the overwhelming desire to remain comfortable, you open yourself up for endless victories in your life, both big and small.

My suggestion? Give the cold shower a shot after your next workout. You’ll find it a wonderful way to cool off and feel invigorated.

A Word of Caution About Cold Exposure

Should everyone do the cold shower or cryotherapy thing? Not necessarily.

The changes that occur in our bodies during exposure to cold, and heat for that matter, can be quite taxing. You should always consult your doctor or practitioner before engaging in any form of therapy, especially if you have existing health conditions, have coronary conditions or are high risk for heart attack, or are pregnant.

Be especially cautious when it comes to immediate hot to cold exposure, such as sauna to ice bath, as this can have serious health consequences in at-risk individuals. (18)

Bottom Line

Something as simple as changing up your morning shower routine could have dramatic impacts on your body composition, your inflammation levels, your glucose and insulin health, and more. Simple changes that introduce a little discomfort can have far-reaching effects, and may help you take your health journey to the next level.

P.S. If you’d like to introduce a simple but effective fitness plan, give PaleoFit a try, free for 14 days!

The post How Cold Showers Might Boost Your Health appeared first on Paleo Plan.

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How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You

I think an apology is in order. On my part.

I've dropped the "C" word on and off and mentioned how it can lead to stress, inflammation, disease and more.

And I've mentioned that it can especially lead to excess belly fat.

But I haven't actually explained it more in depth, or explained how it works.

And I haven't given you some simple strategies to reduce it.

Sorry.

Let's get into it now, and end any confusion.

As you've realized if you read the chapter title, the "C" word is Cortisol.

Cortisol is better known as the "stress hormone", which your body produces to help with certain necessary responses.

Before we get into the "bad side" of cortisol, let's discuss its merits.

One of the more well-known cortisol-related responses is the "fight or flight" reaction you have when you're in danger. In this scenario, cortisol plays a vital role in telling your muscles and liver to release certain enzymes, acids, fats, and glucose, in order to give your body the energy it needs to fight or flee.

This response was crucial just as much in evolutionary times, when faced with a life-threatening bear for example, as it is these days, when you may sense danger on a dark, empty street in a bad part of town.

Beyond the fight or flight response, cortisol is known to help metabolize glucose, fats, and protein, it is an anti-inflammatory, and it regulates blood pressure and cardiovascular function.

Lastly, it is the main component of the Cortisol Awakening Response (CAR), which refers to the slightly elevated cortisol levels we have in the morning. These levels gradually drop down as the day progresses. The CAR is thought to be an evolutionary mechanism that helped us wake up, and go on waking the rest of the day.

Now that we've covered the "good", let's get to the "bad".

The main idea to understand here is: beyond the acute, helpful cortisol functions (fight or flight; helping with recovery post-workout) and the morning awakening response, cortisol can get very chronic, very fast.

And when it gets chronic, research shows we're faced with everything from unmanageable stress levels to a wide variety of major diseases (heart disease, Alzheimer's, depression, and various cancers immediately come to mind).

Let me elaborate.

For starters, there are many different reasons that people have excess cortisol in their system.

There are a few recurring themes, though - namely, diet quality (or lack thereof) and stressful life situations (long-term pressure at work, financial issues, relationship or spousal tension, caring for elderly parents, etc.). And from a genetic perspective, many are naturally prone to anxiety or depression., and the stress/cortisol output that comes with it.

There are some "unknown" causes of chronically-elevated cortisol, too.

Besides chronic stress, the top 2 hidden causes are:

1. Excessive gym time followed by under-eating

a. High intensity, long duration exercise (especially "chronic cardio") training is proven to increase cortisol significantly

b. Basically, any time spent over 60-75 minutes ramps up cortisol like nobody's business, and it's made worse when we're too hard on ourselves to decide to eat next to nothing after a tough workout

c. Follow the workouts in the "6 Weeks to Lean" manual and you'll be outta the gym before you need to worry about cortisol building up.

d. Essentially, weight lifting, cardio, and any other high-intensity workouts deal with 4 main hormones:

i. Testosterone

ii. Growth Hormone,

iii. IGF (insulin-like growth factor)

iv. Cortisol

e. The first 3 are the anabolic hormones that build muscle (more muscle = less fat = healthier body and healthier 'look'). The last one, cortisol, is useful in certain circumstances but can also become very detrimental.

f. The key here is output of the anabolic hormones (testosterone, GH, and (IGF) stops after about 60 minutes of workouts, but cortisol keeps going and becomes chronic (and damaging to the body)

g. So, if you're working out for 2 hours, that's 1 hour or more of muscle-ruining, fat storing Cortisol permeating through your system. So, work hard and fast during workouts, and then stop!

h. Cap workouts at 1 hour, or 1 hr and 15 minutes including warm-ups. Then get adequate rest and recovery!

2. High levels of caffeine and sugar, which keep you "on edge" 24/7.

a. High cortisol in the bloodstream often correlates with the morning coffee... and the brunch coffee and post-lunch coffee, and the subsequent sodas and energy drinks consumed throughout the day.

b. But let's not be hypocritical - I have my morning cup of coffee, and most people do, too.

c. It's not unhealthy to have a bit of caffeine in the morning, and a few cups of tea throughout the day. However, it's important not to overdo it. (A surefire way to overdo it is drinking 3+ cups of coffee, plus sodas or energy drinks all day like many people do.)

Basically, having too much cortisol can have a highly negative impact on your body in the long term.

Too much cortisol means your body enters a catabolic state, whereby your body starts cannibalizing its own tissues (including bone, muscle and even brain matter) to get energy. Too much cortisol also signals your body to store excess fat, particularly in the midsection region (stomach, love handles, and butt/hips).

The reason for this is that your body thinks it's in mortal danger (the "fight or flight" response), so it's suddenly willing to use whatever resources it has available at its command to survive.

And when the body is spending time trying to fight off this perceived "danger", it doesn't give a rat's you-know-what about burning fat. On the contrary, any food at or above your limit will be stored as fat in the exact place you're trying to avoid putting it on!

You see the problem here: You drank that second cup of coffee because you like the way it tastes with those little hazelnut creamer packets they have at 7-11, and you inadvertently released a bunch of cortisol in the process.

And these chronically elevated cortisol levels mean increased stress, and increased stress causes mood swings, anxiety, depression and flat-out shrinkage of brain cells.

If your cortisol has been elevated for a long time, it's also possible your brain isn't even producing healthy levels of serotonin and dopamine anymore - causing you to enjoy pleasurable feelings less, and feel down in the dumps more often.

As mentioned, your cortisol levels are supposed to be naturally high in the morning - one of the actual good effects of the stress hormone is to help you feel bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when you first wake up. But they're supposed to drop off during the day - which means you have to be careful about the amount of caffeine you take into your system, and most importantly, when you take it into your system.

It's pretty simple: No caffeine after 12 PM (2 PM is OK if you go to bed around 12), except for a cup of green tea if you really need it. Generally, you want to have your last bit of caffeine at least 10 hours before bedtime, since cortisol levels are so closely correlated with our sleep/wake cycles. So for most people who go to bed around the 10-11 p.m. hour, it's best to stop drinking soda, energy drinks or coffee by noon. It's also best to have a daily "goal" of no more than one soda/energy drink/cup of coffee per day, and 1-2 cups of tea at most.

You want to max out at 400 mg. of caffeine per day (most coffee has between 150-200 mg already!) Your body doesn't really get much benefit after one, anyway - and you're just maxing out your stress levels!

While you're taking a long-term, nice and easy approach to reducing your caffeine consumption, here are some other methods by which you can naturally reduce your cortisol levels.

 Interested in losing weight? Then click below to see the exact steps I took to lose weight and keep it off for good...

Read the previous article about "The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)"

Read the next article about "7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)"

Moving forward, there are several other articles/topics I'll share so you can lose weight even faster, and feel great doing it.

Below is a list of these topics and you can use this Table of Contents to jump to the part that interests you the most.

Topic 1: How I Lost 30 Pounds In 90 Days - And How You Can Too

Topic 2: How I Lost Weight By Not Following The Mainstream Media And Health Guru's Advice - Why The Health Industry Is Broken And How We Can Fix It

Topic 3: The #1 Ridiculous Diet Myth Pushed By 95% Of Doctors And "experts" That Is Keeping You From The Body Of Your Dreams

Topic 4: The Dangers of Low-Carb and Other "No Calorie Counting" Diets

Topic 5: Why Red Meat May Be Good For You And Eggs Won't Kill You

Topic 6: Two Critical Hormones That Are Quietly Making Americans Sicker and Heavier Than Ever Before

Topic 7: Everything Popular Is Wrong: The Real Key To Long-Term Weight Loss

Topic 8: Why That New Miracle Diet Isn't So Much of a Miracle After All (And Why You're Guaranteed To Hate Yourself On It Sooner or Later)

Topic 9: A Nutrition Crash Course To Build A Healthy Body and Happy Mind

Topic 10: How Much You Really Need To Eat For Steady Fat Loss (The Truth About Calories and Macronutrients)

Topic 11: The Easy Way To Determining Your Calorie Intake

Topic 12: Calculating A Weight Loss Deficit

Topic 13: How To Determine Your Optimal "Macros" (And How The Skinny On The 3-Phase Extreme Fat Loss Formula)

Topic 14: Two Dangerous "Invisible Thorn" Foods Masquerading as "Heart Healthy Super Nutrients"

Topic 15: The Truth About Whole Grains And Beans: What Traditional Cultures Know About These So-called "Healthy Foods" That Most Americans Don't

Topic 16: The Inflammation-Reducing, Immune-Fortifying Secret of All Long-Living Cultures (This 3-Step Process Can Reduce Chronic Pain and Heal Your Gut in Less Than 24 Hours)

Topic 17: The Foolproof Immune-enhancing Plan That Cleanses And Purifies Your Body, While "patching Up" Holes, Gaps, And Inefficiencies In Your Digestive System (And How To Do It Without Wasting $10+ Per "meal" On Ridiculous Juice Cleanses)

Topic 18: The Great Soy Myth (and The Truth About Soy in Eastern Asia)

Topic 19: How Chemicals In Food Make Us Fat (Plus 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply)

Topic 20: 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply

Topic 21: How To Protect Yourself Against Chronic Inflammation (What Time Magazine Calls A "Secret Killer")

Topic 22: The Truth About Buying Organic: Secrets The Health Food Industry Doesn't Want You To Know

Topic 23: Choosing High Quality Foods

Topic 24: A Recipe For Rapid Aging: The "Hidden" Compounds Stealing Your Youth, Minute by Minute

Topic 25: 7 Steps To Reduce AGEs and Slow Aging

Topic 26: The 10-second Trick That Can Slash Your Risk Of Cardiovascular Mortality By 37% (Most Traditional Cultures Have Done This For Centuries, But The Pharmaceutical Industry Would Be Up In Arms If More Modern-day Americans Knew About It)

Topic 27: How To Clean Up Your Liver and Vital Organs

Topic 28: The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)

Topic 29: How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You

Topic 30: 7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)

Topic 31: How To Sleep Like A Baby (And Wake Up Feeling Like A Boss)

Topic 32: The 8-step Formula That Finally "fixes" Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested (If You Ever Find Yourself Hitting The Snooze Every Morning Or Dozing Off At Work, These Steps Will Change Your Life Forever)

Topic 33: For Even Better Leg Up And/or See Faster Results In Fixing Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested, Do The Following:

Topic 34: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 35: Part 1 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 36: Part 2 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 37: Part 3 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 38: Part 4 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 39: How To Beat Your Mental Roadblocks And Why It Can Be The Difference Between A Happy, Satisfying Life And A Sad, Fearful Existence (These Strategies Will Reduce Stress, Increase Productivity And Show You How To Fulfill All Your Dreams)

Topic 40: Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Time: The Body Type Solution To Quick, Lasting Results

Topic 41: If You Want Maximum Results In Minimum Time You're Going To Have To Work Out (And Workout Hard, At That)

Topic 42: Food Planning For Maximum Fat Loss In Minimum Time

Topic 43: How To Lose Weight Fast If You're in Chronic Pain

Topic 44: Nutrition Basics for Fast Pain Relief (and Weight Loss)

Topic 45: How To Track Results (And Not Fall Into the Trap That Ruins 95% of Well-Thought Out Diets)

Topic 46: Advanced Fat Loss - Calorie Cycling, Carb Cycling and Intermittent Fasting

Topic 47: Advanced Fat Loss - Part I: Calorie Cycling

Topic 48: Advanced Fat Loss - Part II: Carb Cycling

Topic 49: Advanced Fat Loss - Part III: Intermittent Fasting

Topic 50: Putting It All Together

Learn more by visiting our website here: invigoratenow.com

tw: food

i’ve wanted to write this for so long but i couldn’t really find time and i think i felt too ashamed to write it. idk how to even write it. 

in the beginning of the year, and some of last, there were days when i didn’t eat well. i’m normally not a breakfast person - more dinner and desert. i didn’t feel lie coming out of my room so i usually just peeped out for dinner. it made me superr dehydrated and so early this year i tried to rectify that and just come out to get water. it was kind of a start but not. when i was at uni, i would just take water and a small granola bar bc i didn’t want to overeat, and i walked a lot for uni between classes. before quarantine, i told my psychiatrist i felt like i wanted to binge eat all the time, food was always on my mind even when i was eating, i would want something more. it was honestly distracted, everything i did had my mind coming back to it. i’m normally the type that loves food and never shies away from eating a whole ice cream cake. but i knew there was just something off and i couldn’t really tell how bc my mood is normally crap anyways and i don’t socialize with anyone to even sense the effect or them to see. it was really only post dinner i would feel this as i didn’t actually eat anything throughout the day like i mentioned. it seems really strange and may seem normal but it wasn’t for me. quarantine started and i was super insecure about gaining a flibillion pounds and then ramadan came and i was like maybe i’ll lose some?? i mentioned to my sisters lightly that i really never ate break/lunch and they were like why didn’t you just fast and get the blessings? i hadn’t thought of that honestly. but i remembered a few years ago where i actually lost sum pounds in ramadan when i did nothing really so i was like maybe this time. when i wok up for suhoor i drank just water (which isn’t sunnah yeah) or i ate a few dates. i don’t really remember nor do i think i would say i binge ate during ramadan, my dinners were normal and my desserts were common. but i just felt like i was constantly gaining weight. i went walking everyday and the biggest reason was to try and lose weight i thought i gained in quarantine. i hadn’t known my weight or what i lost for about 2/3 months. i knew my weight months before when i went to see my psychiatrist right before quarantine. you know those people that stare in the mirror and sort of pull all the skin and fat like it’s stretchy elastic, i became that and i still am. i was and am so hyper focused on it it seems now. when i went to my friends house, i messaged her weeks before if she has a scale and she was like yeah i think so but i’d have to find it. i went to their house and i ate so much and knew i ate so much (like two meals and two snack ok). it was like i couldn’t stop at night too. and i hated it, i knew i would regret it. very cooly the next morning i asked to see it. i stepped on the scale and from when quarantine started to a few months after, i had lost about 6/7 pounds. i felt so happy like genuinely surprised but also really happy. i shouldn’t have stepped on it because i’m actually worse. when i came back to my place i felt like i needed to get rid of every single weight i gained then, bc surely i did, and did the same as i always did. but now with this new sense of accomplishment, i couldn’t really bother waking up at 7 am alot so i started looking up how many calories i should eat everyday w my bmi or whatever. and i ate under it. i wasn’t calorie counting per se, i was just aware and checked. i then searched up how many calories less that would produce weight lose and stuck to that. i didn’t see it as starving or under-eating bc i ate dinner and desert.  it was like addicting to stay like that. i went to the grocery store after i came back from her house and i used this huge scale by the bathroom and it said i gained back about 4/5 pounds and i was like oh my god and that’s how this all really began progressing. i also did the eating routine along with walking my usual 2 1/2 miles sometimes. i had to make it like that again. i started classifying water and ice as a meal like breakfast. i still do. i did a lot of ab workouts for a few weeks. i asked my sister to bring a scale for suitcases when i was moving and she says the most accurate way to weight it is if you subtract the weight of you holding with your weight. i was afraid to step on the scale, for them to guess how much i weight bc i felt like it was too much larger than what i wanted. i stepped it on for a second days later and was proud that i did good. i’m home now and i’m still the same. same behavior. same mindset. more walking bc the house is way bigger than my apartment. there’s a scale by the kitchen, i assume to be packed up for the move, or thrown out, idk. but i was like yess when i saw it and weight myself. i was about the same weight i was at the start of this - 6/7 pounds less than pre-quarantine. it’s so bad now that i find every time i enter or are near the kitchen i weight myself. my sister noticed my habit and went “do you ever eat??” as she always usually asks me what i had for breakfast and lunch and i either say nothing or i lie. my only meal should be dinner, i can survive till then. i searched about intermittent fasting and maybe i can do that all the time. i don’t really know when this will end bc i’m afraid. i cant seem to see the weight gone, especially from my face so i try harder. she made me 3 pancakes once and it was really good but i felt like i had to have less dinner now. or i needed to make it up that gain the next day. i went to my sister’s house where her and her friend cook meals and had the same thoughts of either ‘i want it all i cant stop’ then ‘i’m gonna have to do something tomorrow to get rid of this weight’. even though it was all super healthy. i’m better at hydrating and i’ve tried to be really hard since i don’t normally enter the kitchen(s) until dinner so the intake is typically super low. i deleted the reminder app look away. idk why i’m so insecure that it’s embarrassing to even admit. i was at the neurologist and the paper said how is your diet? fair or poor? i shifted between the two for so long and i checked fair bc i know i don’t have an eating disorder you know? i just eat differently. it’s like fasting. though some tiny part of me knows it’s wrong. but even when i’m not looking in the mirror i’m conscious of all the fat on me and i want it gone. i watch pictures and videos of people closely and exercise my jaw acting like that will make it all more chiseled. i’ve always been !! about my thighs even though they’re always praised too. i look at my stomach a lot, stretch it out, suck it in. i don’t know if it’s something noteworthy to even mention, if it’s such a big problem or it’s normal. if i’ll get over it or keep it up with substitutes. i don’t know.

i’ve lost 11 pounds now since the start and i want to make it 15 so badly. 

My Healthy Eating Routine

I always stress that it's SUPER important to enjoy food and eating. A healthy relationship with food is far more important than any amount of weight loss. There is absolutely no point in overthinking about food or being miserable and hungry. That's not the way I would coach anyone to live their lives, after all. That's not a life. I have built a specific food routine that works for me, that takes all the overthinking and guess work out of eating healthy and makes it enjoyable for me. How did I do this? I thought about all the foods I liked and I found ways to keep healthier versions, alternatives, and recreations in my diet. I don't force myself to eat kale salads and drink celery juice because that's not what I like. Did my taste buds change as I tried healthier alternatives? Yes, and I love that! But if I don't want to eat something, well, I'm not going to eat it because I want to be happy during my journey.

When I started my journey, my main goal was cutting out sodas and fried foods. Then replacing everything I ate with healthy alternatives. I swapped chips for healthy crunchy snacks or made my own sugar-free treats. I made my own turkey burgers with spinach leaves and whole wheat buns. And I made my steak and potatoes with less butter. Little healthy switches made a world of difference and I didn't feel that I as giving up what I loved. Switching to drinking only water also helped more than I could illustrate. For all those water-haters, I don't have much advice for you other than: get over it! Just drink it! You will detox from the soda and tea cravings and you won't even miss it eventually! It helps with so much more than shedding pounds: inflammation, insomnia, dry skin, breakouts, brittle nails, dry hair, allergies, painful joints. JUST DRINK IT.

The problem was, once I hit the 20-pound-weight-loss mark, my progress began to slow down by an enormous amount. For most people, (not all everyone is different) this will probably be the case. Your metabolism and your body start to get used to your routine. There are a few things you can do here: start intermittent fasting or simply go on a 1-day-fast (24 hours) to shock your system, cutting out processed/packaged foods more, cutting out meat for a week or so, upping your workout routines + protein intake, doing more HIIT and/or cardio...there are a lot of things you can try to switch it up to wake your system up. I did what most athletes do, (honestly, it's not like I'm an actual athlete, but you get it) and decided to cut. Meaning I've changed my food routine to fit a specific set of calories and macros. I don't glorify counting calories or macros at first, because honestly, it can stress you out more than help you. So, if you're just getting started: PLEASE don't count anything; just focus on switching to a healthy lifestyle and cutting out your habits. Once you start seeing changes and shedding pounds, then you can customize your new lifestyle to fit your goals. This is the smartest way to go about your weight loss. And it's so important to work smarter, not harder! This is a layout of my routine now, after a 70 pound loss. I have a few more pounds I'd like to shed, especially after that fun winter fluff creeped up. And I'm also focused on building muscle. You'll notice I eat small, protein packed meals and snacks throughout the day to keep my calories and macros in line and also to keep my metabolism working.

Breakfast:

Some days, I intermittent fast, meaning I fast for about 16 hours—from the time I stop eating until 16 hours later, the next day. This usually leaves me eating at about 1 o'clock. BUT most of the time, I do eat a small breakfast before I workout, and a snack or small meal post-workout.

8:00 AM



Whole Wheat Buttered Toast + Three Hard Boiled Large Eggs

It's not very fancy, or exciting, but my mornings start very simple. Whole wheat toast with 1/2 tbsp butter and 2-3 hard boiled eggs. I have this every. single. morning. The only time I don't is when I decide to practice a good 'ole intermittent fast for the day.

10:00 AM Post-workout



One-Half Medium Sweet Potato + One Large Scrambled Egg + Two Ounces Steamed Chicken Breast

An example of a post-workout meal for me, would be something with a decent amount of carbs for energy, and loaded with protein for muscle recovery. Today, I whipped up 1/2 of a medium sweet potato, 1 scrambled egg, and 2 oz of steamed chicken breast. Usually, I might throw in a handful of fresh baby spinach to get greens in.

Lunch:

I like to keep most of my meals around 300 calories. Having plenty of healthy fats and protein on my plates helps me to stay full. I typically just whip up whatever I'm in the mood for, I'm not a big fan of meal-prepping. I realize that most people don't have time to make 3-4 meals a day, so my lunch and dinner choices are meal-prep friendly!

1:00 PM



Salmon Avocado Lettuce Wraps + Low-Sodium Soy Sauce

For these Salmon Avocado Lettuce Wraps,I used:

1/2 Avocado

1/3 Cup de-boned, skinless salmon

1 tablespoon diced tomato

1 tablespoon diced onion

2 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce

1 tablespoon salt, pepper, and garlic powder

Romaine leaves

On medium heat, cook the salmon in 1 tablespoon of soy sauce and seasoned with salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Cook for about 2 minutes. Set aside. In bowl, mix the avocado with tomato, onion, and salt & pepper to taste.

Lay romaine leaf out flat, layer with salmon and avocado mixture. wrap tightly like a burrito and cut in half, almost like sushi. serve with remaining tablespoon of low-sodium soy sauce. These measurementsequaled a total of 3 lettuce wraps (9 cut in half).

These can be refrigerated and served cold/room temperature.

Snack:

Typically, on a cut, I try not to snack in general. I feel like it's one of my vices I need to keep under control...even with healthy snacks. But there's no shame in getting in some good macros with a tasty snack to hold you over.

2:00 PM



Peanut Butter + Raisin Topped Rice Cake

One of my favorite snacks right now has been a plain rice cake, 1 tbsp of natural peanut butter,andhalf a cup of seedless raisinssprinkled on top like a little snack pizza. It's a weird little concoction, but totally phenomenal and actually filling!

Dinner: 5:00 PM

Chicken Zoodle Pasta

To make Chicken Zoodle Pasta, you'll need:

1 Zucchini Noodles (Or sliced zucchini)

2 Oz Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breast

1/3 Cup Diced Tomato

1/8 cup Tomato Sauce

1/3 Cup Diced Onion

1/3 Cup Diced Mushroom

1/8 Cup Shredded Cheese

Salt, Pepper, and Italian Seasoning to Taste

Boil zucchini noodles in salted water for five minutes. On medium-high heat, steam or sauté chicken breast with onion and mushrooms. Once cooked through, add diced tomato and tomato sauce. Cook for approximately 2 minutes. Add salt, pepper, and Italian seasonings to taste. Pour sauce mixture over zucchini noodles, sprinkle 1/8 cup cheese on top. Typically, that's it for me. Most of my hunger hits me in the early mornings and during the daytime, compared to most people who get their cravings and hunger in the evening and throughout the night. I try to drink plenty of water before bed time, and go to sleep early. At times, I'll whip up a snack to satisfy my late night munchies. You can check out my previous post filled with quick and easy snack recipes here.

My most commonly asked question is "how do you eat throughout the day?" Hopefully, spelling out my routine gave you all a great guideline of ideas to start your healthy lifestyle journey. Work smart, and eat like a human!