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#another self care day for me!
upperranktwo · 1 year
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Good morning good morning everyone!!!!!! 💖
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chloecherrysip · 11 months
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I don't know where I'm from. My earliest memory is arriving. I was so lucky they found me! They took me in, raised me like one of their own, and when I was ready, they made me their princess.
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miutonium · 3 months
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The weird nerd in a labcoat that you talk to every week at the diner appears in front of your door with a rose in his hand wwyd?
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spinjitsuburst · 2 months
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ramble about ur favs i wanna hear abt ur thoughts -zaptrap
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HAN’S INFODUMPING ABOUT JAY... START!!!!
so like sgdkdhdkdhd I say Jay and Lloyd are my “favorites” but honestly it’s so hard to pick favorites out of this skittles squad like I love EVERY character for a variety of different reasons. I was going to also infodump about Lloyd but then I started talking about Prime Empire and then this post got. Long. So. it's just Jay I may infodump about Lloyd another day especially since I'm very Conduit Brained Rn but yea yea!
this is long so i'm putting most of it under the cut so y'all don't kill me for making a huge long post
I considered putting Zane and Sora on here as well since I’d also consider them my “favs” but like this is already gonna be. A lot of. Infodumping (also i typed THIS part before I even started and decided not to yell about Lloyd because this already got long enough). Maybe I’ll make a separate post for those two hmm hmm much to consider but for now MY (technically) FAVORITE NINJAGO CHARACTER: JAY WALKER
THE SPARKPLUG WHO INVADED MY BRAIN LIKE A PARASITE
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so hey his name is a pun this makes me laugh ridiculously hard every time I remember he is named. After a misdemeanor HSKSHDKFH
Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat
Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground) but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it
now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT the point is you can SEE the growth that Jay has gone through and I am going to show you that growth through what I call
✨ The Skybound to Prime Empire Effect ✨
I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE IDEA THAT PRIME EMPIRE WAS WRITTEN TO BE A DIRECT PARALLEL OF SKYBOUND AND WAS CENTERED ON SHOWING HOW THE NINJA ESPECIALLY JAY HAVE GROWN THROUGHOUT THE SEASON
when season 12 rolls around we are at the point in Jay's development where he is CONFIDENT in who he is. He's a fun-loving jokester with the power of lightning and the drive to help people whenever he can. He uses jokes and humor to help alleviate tension and get people through whatever's happening. And when on his own what does he do?
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BECOME AN ENTERTAINER BABEY
i like to think jay's club in prime empire was a safe haven for anyone stuck in the game who figured out hey. we Can't Leave and felt freaked about it. Also Jay would generally try and spread the word that hey something ISN'T RIGHT HERE which would lead people to want to stay with him
(totally plugging my friend's fic but this kind of thing is explored in would you like to enter prime empire by @finn-m-corvex y'all should check it out cool cool)
also the prime empire shorts which i watched all of in the midst of typing this video cuz i love them go watch them please please please jay was publically fighting the red visors which I imagine may have raised some red flags for some players
THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO PRIME EMPIRE INFODUMPING LMAO ANYWAYS Jay's confident! He becomes an entertainer because it's who he knows he is! And it's something that will get people hyped and having fun, which is very in-character for Jay to do! He uses those kinds of things to mask the Bad Things going on and get people remembering what's good
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I've talked about this sort of thing before but that's Jay's whole philosophy as early as season 9! Which is a DIRECT contrast to how he views it in season 6, as Nadakhan puts it scarily accurately
"You make jokes to mask the fact that you're afraid"
(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)
making jokes to hide your fear and using humor to remind yourself of what's good and coping with the bad are two VERY different outlooks on it
so I think this outlook is what drives him to make this glamrock persona in the first place - this is a bad situation, one he's in with other civilians, and what better way to keep him and themself safe until the others get there than throwing a big performance at a safe place!
also it's just so gender okay I want to look like Superstar Rockin' Jay so badly
it's also interesting to see his outlook on his parents change over time! In season six he finds out Ed and Edna aren't his birth parents and feels upset about it, not understanding why his birth parents would've abandoned him. In season twelve, that outlook changing is EXACTLY why Jay's able to get through to Unagami
"I was abandoned by my parents, too!... I never understood why, and I never had the chance to even ask. But I always hoped there was a good reason. What if there's a reason?"
(again curse you netflix i wanted SCREENSHOTS whatever whatever)
It's this scene that gets Unagami to calm down long enough for Milton Dyer to get there, and presumably is what stops him from just. Flattening him and Jay like a pancake.
to piggyback off of this i absolutely adore how Unagami and Jay consider each other adopted brothers in that one book I still haven't read and I hope he's in Dragons Rising at some point Unagami is my favorite "villain" (no longer a villain) in the whole show he deserves more screentime
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like this is where i found out about this and it's plagued my mind ever since. i need to read. this book just for them
SO YEA OKAY Prime Empire is "Who is Jay as a Person Post-Skybound" to me also it opens up so many fascinating things about Jay. I rest my case
so backpedaling a little bit. JAY CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS PARENTS GUYS IT'S SO SOFT AND I'M sobs
like yea the first episode with Ed and Edna in it has Jay avoiding them like the plague but this gets explained very easily when you remember he was bullied for his home life before he became a ninja. It makes a lot more sense why he wouldn't want them around his new friends, assuming they'd react the same way. Also how was he supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao
(Cole calling his mom kills me. Cole's mom is dead. I know they probably just didn't think that far ahead when writing the dialogue but it's so funny mans pretended to call his dead mom to get on Jay for not appreciating his parents iconic behavior)
anyways literally every episode Ed and Edna are central to (except like the one in skybound) Jay stops at nothing to protect his parents and it means the absolute world to me he's so much like them!! They raised an inventive little nerd and he will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe and it's. It's SO IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY
ALSO this is an excuse to clip my favorite piece of dialogue possibly in the entire show. Except Netflix won't let me now. So you just get the text dialogue
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Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-
Ed i love you
anyways
anways anyways this just turned into me rambling about prime empire and then Ed and Edna and a lot of disjointed other stuff but thank you for this opportunity i was going to also ramble about lloyd but i put this post in a word count and
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yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u @zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay
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limonjarritos · 4 months
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The wine bottle and symbolism
this is personally my take on the symbolism of the wine bottle/bottle opener as based on a post by galaxitic
The wine as a symbol for obsession for a loss of control. For how Vincent feels about his fixation with Rody. Of even in a way a symbol for Rody himself.
The wine opener being Vince's semblance of control over that obsession. That he believes he has control on his feelings about Rody. But when he goes to open that bottle its not in a semblance of control but that of panic, that of impulse but he still tells himself that it's something, not realizing that with a sip of the wine he's consumed back. His rational is consumed. Just like how this whole time Rody has made him drunk with impulse.
How the wine is admittedly what does him in.
Vince breaks the bottle, breaks 'Rody' through a lack of control. He uses the bottle opener to try and open the real thing, drunk and searching for more, willing to truly give into his impulses and be intoxicated.
Vince has for the most part up until this point been bottling up his feelings, playing the part of mild mannered and in control (though his control isn't perfect. The rat, the watching through the peep hole-)
Rody taking that broken bottle in hand, takes said obsession and kills Vincent with it. Because a broken bottle is going to hurt you. Because Rody is so broken right now, shattered, reeling from the revelation that Manon has been killed. The love bleeding from his body and a hot demand for revenge coming to him that results in the burning of Vince.
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active-mind-15 · 5 months
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I have a headcanon that Mibuchi does self-care nights every Friday after the week is done, where he'll put on a face mask and watch some sappy romcoms in his room. Sometimes, he'll get Akashi and the other Uncrowned Kings to join him, and, on occasion, he'll even offer to paint their nails. If any of them show up to practice with different color nails after the weekend, no one else on the team mentions a damn thing.
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13eyond13 · 5 months
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doing this amazing new thing called eating well EVERY DAY and drinking enough water EVERY DAY and trying to get a bit of a healthy walk in EVERY DAY and sleeping at least 7 hours EVERY DAY... and then looking at my Fitbit stats like a nerd to see what happens EVERY DAY... will let you know if anything interesting does happen
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good-beans · 8 months
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hi i'd like to know about your transfem fuuta thoughts please. if that's ok
"if that's ok" as if I haven't been rotating transfem fuuta in my mind for a long time and dying for an excuse to post something 👀👀👀 Thank you so much Ah!! I was able to format my little ideas and headcanons into an actual write-up, I just love this concept so much! All the big murderous twists in the series and I’ll never get over it is what it is...
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So, as much as I enjoy headcanons about some big revelation moment, I think that Fuuta Terminally Online Kajiyama has been very aware of his identity for a while. He just never really got the motivation to do anything about it. He knows he's not completely satisfied with his gender, but isn't constantly suffering over it, so he thinks telling people/transitioning would be way too much of a hassle at that point in his life. He also struggles with people taking him seriously given his height, attitude, etc -- unconsciously he's also worried it will only make matters worse in that area.
He wouldn't dare say anything to his parents, and wants to avoid hassle with his friends. People paint them as judgy incels sometimes, but if they were really calling out ‘bad guys’ online, I always got the vibe they were those annoying type of progressives who will harass people for not being accepting in the perfect correct way, you know? They'd be outwardly supportive but there's still a level of high expectations and performance that comes with it, and so deep down Fuuta understands there'd be a "hassle," but can't really define why.
I mentioned in another hc post that Fuuta and his sister have a silent supportive relationship. I feel like she's the one person in his life who knows everything and is super accepting -- this is understood even though neither have said anything out loud. (When he was younger, she definitely forced him into skirts, dresses, and accessories "to check something for her beautician work.") She's noticed all the times he's picked a female avatar in games, or cosplayed in ambiguous outfits.
Then, Milgram. Thinking his life will be over soon anyway, he opens up to a few of the prisoners about himself. Their unexpected openness keeps it on his mind more often than before. Still, nothing changes. Through some rocky verdicts, he's declared innocent and released.
Back in the real world, he's pretty fucked up from the whole ordeal, and starts off extremely isolated. He's in touch with his family, but distant. He maintains contact with some of the other released prisoners, but it starts off only over the phone. He changes schools or maybe drops out completely. Having deleted all online accounts after the incident, he gets to work setting up a new online presence. He was planning on using an alias anyways, and goes with something gender neutral. "To be extra safe that no one guesses it's me," he tells himself.
Letting his hair grow out begins as an accident -- just a side effect of never going out or minding his appearance. One day he realizes how long he's let it go and grabs some scissors to cut it. He makes a comment in his chat, and someone begs him to send a picture first. He goes to take it, but is suddenly disgusted and ashamed of his self-neglect. He's forced to make himself selfie presentable first: brushing his hair and throwing on something clean real quick. When he goes to take the picture, he realizes it looks good. It feels good. He puts the scissors away.
Soon, the prisoners/some new online friends coax Fuuta to hang out more. That's when she decides to reintroduce herself into society as someone new. She ventures out with the name of a favorite video game character. (I'm going to continue saying Fuuta because I genuinely can't name a single popular character from games she'd play, but just picture the most painfully obvious one you can. The kind you hear and go "oh okay. You play X too much, huh." And please send me your thoughts so I can work them into my own personal canon 👀) 
She doesn't have any hatred towards her deadname, it's more the pain of association: she remembers it said accusingly from the mouths of ex-friends. She remembers that name being called a murderer. She's not trying to deny/run from that past, she just wants to be someone better. Well, some days it is her way of running away, but most of the time it's a healthy separation from the past.
Encouraged by the positive reception and abundance of privacy in her isolation, she finally starts to explore her appearance more. Mikoto left behind some earrings during a visit -- she pierces her ears herself and tries them on. (If she doesn't like them, the holes will just heal, right? She's not weak, she can take a little pain...) Yuno/Mahiru stayed over once, and left a bit of makeup in the bathroom. She tries that on too. With a beautician in the family, this self-styling comes very easily. Fuuta's cowardly tendencies have her torn between embarrassment and her typical 'fuck you' attitude that she can do whatever she wants.
You know when you solve a tiny problem and suddenly you're smacked with how much of a huge problem it actually was? Fuuta never believed she had any issues before, but all of the sudden she's happier. Every day is easier. She has more friends. True friends. She does better with school/work. Her personality is still fiery, but it's more passion than irritability now. Self-hatred she didn't recognize starts melting away. She smiles more. She laughs more. She has plans for her future. She's excited about her future. 
(Shameless art plug hehe, before I had the timeline nailed down I did a little drawing of that selfie Fuuta takes when she realizes she's satisfied with this appearance, and now has newfound motivation to move forward in life.)
Over time she experiments with other elements of transitioning, and maybe changes her name to something a bit more subtle lol.
Unfortunately, I don't think it would go over well with her parents, but she never much cared for their opinions, anyway. One day a bit in the future, she bumps into her old friends in the street. Once recovering from panic, she's pleasantly surprised that they don't recognize her. Fuuta thought her appearance/fashion wasn't that different, but to fair, the friends figured they'd remember a stunning redhead with a very noticeable eye injury if they'd met before...
And just a few quick prisoner reactions (because in my heart they're all making it out ;--;):
Yuno has similar relationship as Fuuta's sister, offering immense help without unnecessary words. She's Fuuta’s go-to contact for trying new things and asking questions. 
When Mahiru first finds out, she goes a bit overboard with a makeover attempt. She and Muu provide their most frilly, glimmering outfits. They paint her nails and do makeup. They style her hair. This obviously turns out to be way too much, earning them a Fuuta-typical rant. Still, she's secretly moved by their enthusiasm and kindness. 
After that, designer Mikoto tries his hand at helping. Fuuta had been really worried the two of them would lose their guys nights out and relaxed friendship, but their relationship never changes.
Shidou is very accepting and very awkward. He's trying!! He gets excited, sending her all this information and help for medically transitioning.
Fuuta invites Kazui to their first pride parade <3
Though there's no return address on the package, Fuuta receives a gift of miscellaneous earrings and piercings in the mail with a note that they'd suit her well…
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ghosts-cyphera · 3 months
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Hello! Just wanted to check in, I've gotten the notification that you posted something twice in the last few days, and both times the post just wouldn't load and doesn't appear. Is everything alright? Did you delete the posts or it's just tumblr being weird?
aaaw hi darling !!
it’s just lo being lo. one was a shameful sleepy horny post, and the most recent one was a selfie that I posted for a full minute before chickening out of it, lol.
thank you so much for checking in. that’s very sweet of you but I’m also very sorry to have worried you 💗 !!
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belovedcherie · 1 month
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UPDATE NOBODY ASKED FOR I SURVIVED THE DAY (context in tags yippee !!)
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vse-kar-vem · 29 days
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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candlebel · 2 months
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#to this day...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#vent
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angeltism · 3 months
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mist sending me the nicest thing ever on my strawpage hello ?? that . was really nice oh my god . thank you so much waa :(( <33 /p
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the-kipsabian · 4 months
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im really just struggling at this point again to think that i can do anything with writing. or that im any good at it, that the things i make are any good or worth anyones time. that what little i manage to push out rn is even worth the effort of even making
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polaraffect · 5 months
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#damien.txt#so listen. i've been kind of fucking depressed for the past 3 months ish#and im going to tell a story related to that in the tags so. if u continue to read. judgement free zone for me pls okay?#cool cool so im like. Really bad abt taking care of my self & my surroundings when im depressed#esp bc like. im in school & work so. literally ALL of my energy goes to those two things#and i will go. weeks upon weeks not cleaning my room#not throwing out trash. which i am AWARE is gross. but truly i would get home and pass tf out and then wake up and#start the day again. like i just truly was not engaging it in any way#anyways. so there's this library book that's been sitting on my nightstand for around a month ish#and ive also been using it as a place for other nightstand things- putting cups on. glasses at night. etc.#well. so i get an email that this book is due back tomorrow. so im like 'oh i should put this book in my backpack'#and i lift it up..... and fuck. there is literally spotty mold ALL. OVER. the back of this fucking book#i guess one of the cups i left on the night stand leaked liquid onto my nightstand and then it soaked into the book or something#and the book didnt move for a Month so like. it's had forever to just sit there and mold over.#and fuck. fuck! i was having such a good night before this too.#now im like.... what the fuck do i even do#i probably just need to go turn it in & pay the fucking expensive fee but like. fuck me. i wanna cry#it always feels like one thing on top of another. like things just are constantly going wrong in my life#and like i Know this is not. the biggest deal in the world. but it just feels like such a dumb fucking thing to happen idk.#anyways. gonna cry abt that and. i guess figure out what im doing with it tomorrow /:
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