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1introvertedsage · 1 year

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The average doctor does not suspect the large amount of knowledge out of his reach, because it was not in his college lessons. ~Prof. Jos Rodes Buchanan M.D.

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xysidhequeen · 7 months

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Since Danny opened up his trauma to Jason, did he ever comfort Danny whenever he had nightmare of his parents doing things on him?

Jason has comforted Danny after and during nightmares. Not all of them, he doesn't catch them all.

Sometimes Danny's nightmares are loud. Sometimes they're ice crackling out from him in waves, covering his room and the hallway and Jason just knows. He busts through the ice and the doors between him and his hurting king, melting the ice with his flames until he can finally get to Danny and wake his frozen body and remind him he's safe, he's whole, he's alive. Sometimes his nightmares are deafening, they're a Wail shattering walls and ceilings and everything around him. Sometimes Jason has to push his body one slow step at a time into the middle of a hurricane, bleeding and hurt but not half as hurt as his screaming friend.

But sometimes Danny's nightmares are silent. They're quiet because screaming didn't help. Screaming made it worse. Noise brought their attention back to him. Pleas and cries and screams made them angry, angry he was using their son's voice, their son's body. So sometimes Danny is quiet, locked in a silent prison of his own mind and the only way Jason can tell is if Danny didn't pull his aura entirely back into his body and he's able to feel the pain.

Danny has gotten better about locking his aura down as his mind slowly realizes he doesn't need to anymore, that he doesn't need to be in survival mode and he can make the subconcious decision to ask for help because he knows it'll come.

But sometimes the fear is stronger. And on those nights, Danny is alone.

#tw abuse #tw nightmares #tw vivisection #tw experimentation #its all just mostly hinted at though #nothing graphic #but im warning just in case so we all stay safe #danny is dealing with trauma too in the background #cause trauma healing isnt a linear journey #and somwtimes you never fully 'heal' because trauma rewires you it rewrites your entire brain it burns new pathways in #anyways this reminded me to add a scene with a nightmare into the story somewhere #gotta have that cute traumatic angsty hirt comfort moment where Danny is in Pain and Jason comes kicking the door down #I really struggle to hurt Jason but man am i mean to everyone else #Jason is my baby child and he cant be hurt. everyone else is free game to me though lets goooooo #zee answers #dp x dc #the king and his red knight #the king and his red knight au #tkahrk #tkahrk au #danny phantom #dc x dp #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dead on main #halfa jason todd #jason todd/danny phantom #jason todd/danny fenton #also yes Nocturn could technically fix it but Danny asked him not to monitor his dreams too much and Nox respects his autonomy #usually. sometimes if danny's having itnreally rough he'll ensure danny has good dreams. he tries but he can only do so much

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annamaryllis · 1 month

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I would like to know exactly how luke asking annabeth to run away with him went down.

#annabeth🥺#it's sad to think about how it'll be so much harder for annabeth to unpack and heal from that relationship bc he's dead #it's hard enough to come to terms with someone you love/held in high esteem hurting you so deeply #but she's also grieving him too so it's even harder to hold him accountable to herself and recognizing the good and the bad #she may struggle to not romanticize the memory of him #sorting through what about their relationship was pure and genuine and what was fueled by other stuff #both of their trauma really played into it in some of the worst ways...#but to even recognize how her trauma played into it she'd have to identify what her trauma even is and how it's affected her life #it's really complex and difficult work #and bc he's gone she'll never get to question him on stuff like what he was thinking at certain points and why #so certain things will never get the best closure #ugh it's all so fucked up #MAYBE SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE EXPLORED IN HOO RICHARD???? BUT NO #and it would have been perfect too bc she'd also be dealing with issues caused by both of her parents triggered by the MoA quest #like her mother's conditional love #and trauma from her mortal family #and her fear of spiders relates to both of these things bc it's a phobia that's passed down from her mom's actions #so she's being punished for something she's not responsible for and also being burdened with a quest simply for being her mother's daughter #and it also represents her mortal family's neglect bc they ignored her needs and all that...#AND THEN the only person she's received actually pure and good unconditional love from was snatched from her for 6 months #and the MoA quest could have been a way to confront some of these fears and wounds...so she's a little stronger by tartarus which #should bring out the best in her and the worst in percy #and then he can work through some stuff too down there #HoO could have been a journey for them where they're undone and then healed #bc at the end of everything they have the medicine to literally everything which is real love (which they have for each other intensely)#the rant I could go on about this...I have so many thoughts about what HoO should have been. maybe one day #annabeth chase #luke castellan #✏️

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themanwhowouldbefruit · 19 days

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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your #ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it #*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like #this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask #if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had #fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your #fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your #swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my #abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of #gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up #for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how #hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know #how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy #am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other #organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it #get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to #get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

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flamboyant-king · 1 year

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We saw the beginning, now I be thinking about all the possible...uhh the word is like aftermath...epilogues? Seeing as the narrative will be left open ended, we can hypothesize and fantasize just about anything!

This one is Harvey carrying on with what he idealized as a normal life, getting married, having kids, going out with the boys, stuff you see on TV. But Cammy is still there, still a part of his life. And that's pretty neat. And also I cry.

#i went on a spree yesterday with a bunch of aftermathematics that made me cry myself to sleep #because no matter what. every single end. cammy will outlive harvey. every thing in between can be different #cammy leaving. cammy staying. reluctance. romance. etc etc. cammy will live on without harvey. and it will hurt them. a lot.#it hurts me a lot. im still crying over 'thank you for keeping me in your life'#cammy could be living in the garden until the very end. either of harveys life. or the tree they took care ofs life.#maybe cammy leaves but visits from time to time. or maybe they visit right before harvey kicks the bucket #who knows! thinking about anything past the narrative makes me cry #because we dont see that in media. we always get the good ending but that is never the end. what happens afterwards?#cause grow as we go's narrative ends after harvey finally reunites with his family in the philippines and decides #i want to stay at my house and take care of my garden. ill be sure to visit every year from now on.#and the credits would roll as him and cammy travel back. on the plane. the taxi ride. harvey getting the key in the door.#harvey putting cammy in the little makeshift bed he made. and him looking out the window of his room down at the garden. him smiling #and then it says end. thank you for watching. this took fourty two years to make oopsie whoops #god i go on long rants when its late. anywho compare to last time i made a possible ending #cammy reluctantly leaving as they both start to fall in love with each other #cammy willingly running away knowing harvey will heal from this and move on and be normal #this one here theres no leaving. there is no normal. its just living dude #grow as we go #sketches #harvey #camellia

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chocoenvy · 2 years

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small hydro archon rocking tall ass heels is great. but the hydro archon wearing tall heels and failing miserably at walking in them is even funnier :)

it's all part of her secret plan to constantly be clinging onto you like a koala because she is a hazard to everyone and herself when in heels so you just. pick her up - eros

not the hydro archon bullying D:

But I agree, hydro archon fumbling so badly you HAVE to carry her. Although I doubt that was part of her plan. Her plan was to be taller than you so you couldn't make fun of her anymore. It failed horribly :)

So she makes you pick her up! New plan, become a hinderance and a hazard. There's a reason most of the hydro characters have healing abilities, it's because their archon is a dunce (affectionate)

#choco.asks #*~frequent customer #random headcannons time hydro archon gets frequent nosebleeds for no reason #so now she's unphased by blood so if she's hurt she grabs her healing water and splashes it wherever she's bleeding #which is hilarious for nosebleeds bc she'll wake up in the middle of the night bleeding everywhere from her nose and you're sleepy #and then all of a sudden she fucking dunks her head in the sink and you're screaming cause your gf looks like she's trying to commit #and she comes back up gives you a thumbs up wipes her face of the water and excess blood and hops back into bed grappling onto you #and you're traumatized :)#meanwhile you get hurt and hydro archon is ready to throw hands destroy the world #you get a papercut and she throws water on whatever paper did it #you're reading and get a papercut and she throws the damn book out #god forbid someone accidentally hurts you she's like: waterboarding :)#we have an ocean for a reason :)#she and kokomi have an agreement to not tell anybody about the surplus of bodies they have hidden underwater

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temper-temper · 1 year

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If/when you have kids, what motherly skill do you think will be important?

This one I’ve been thinking about for weeks

there are so many skills that are important to have and keep in mind when raising little ones, but one that I think a lot of people forget about is to be patient. Little kids honestly cannot fully understand how their little brains work and why they are upset- helping to teach them how to regulate their emotions is extremely important and so is making sure you remain a safe place for them to bring their issues. The last thing you want is your kid to do something that will hurt them because there wasn’t enough of a bond to which they could feel safe asking advice.

You should also keep in mind that they aren’t your friends- they are your children- there is a level of professionalism that you should try to keep as a parent so that your little one doesn’t end up in a bad state. For example- don’t vent to your child like you would your spouse, your child isn’t emotionally adapt enough to handle your emotional load at LEAST till they are an older teen but even still I wouldn’t. As well- be careful what you say because some of those things will have a huge lasting impact.

I remember two things from when I was little (11-14) that my mom would comment on and say that to this day truly hurt me and effect how I treat others

“You are being a hypocrite”

”Your interest in the military is weird”

I most likely was in fact being a hypocrite but I was also a 12 year old girl going through some pretty tough trauma and not understanding why I felt the way I left. As well yes, I was very extra about my interests as a child- being cats, behaviors, history, etc. but to have your own mother put you down for it leads to a lot of pain.

things are definitely better now but there is still some things that hurt a lot and it all stems from the fact that in my relationship with my own mother, she lacked this understanding that I was in fact a child who didn’t have a developed enough brain to be able to understand what I was doing and to help her.

At the end of the day from what I’ve seen through my own life and through parenting videos and such- to be patient and understanding to the mental level your child is at in different stages of their life are some extremely important qualities to have as a mother.

This doesn’t however means you should be a pushover allowing your children to walk all over you- it’s all a take and give and you learn with time

#In addition- I’m not angry with my mom #Did this stuff hurt as a child and does it still effect our relationship #Definitely but I was her first child and she and I went through a lot of hurt that would cause such things #I swear a really amazing God who took my trauma and pain and made me better for it #So honestly I don’t regret a minute of the hurt I went though #Now I can be a better mother #And if I can do better and my children can do better and their children can do bettee #Better*#in a few generations we will have the best mothers and fathers ever!#mod talks #ask #answer #tmi tuesday #My God is so good- look how He’s helped me through my life #I’m so grateful He called me out #That He healed me #Someone ask me my testimony one day it’ll be a blast haha #And He is still working today in everything- I don’t have to fear the future anymore #Thank you King Jesus for saving me #allow me to do my part in spreading the word of Your kingdom

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afooldyedinfolly · 2 years

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If someone else completes you, you are building yourself with the wrong tools.

#listen. we need other people. but you are whole as you are.#i need people to understand this #we compliment each other and heal each other and we are intrinsically interconnected #but you? you are already you. you cannot base your sense of self on the existence of somebody else #this kind of mentality will almost always DESTROY you because people come and go #and that's not a bad thing #and sometimes this mentality will cause you to cling to people who are hurting you #when someone leaves they don't take a piece of you away. you don't become broken even if it feels like it #less we complete each other and more we compliment each other 2022 #you aren't a puzzle missing pieces. you are a canvas that you and the people around you paint on #this doesn't just apply to romance btw. i need everyone to understand this. not just alloros.#ownership to yourself is vital

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kuramirocket · 2 years

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The other day got this shiny cubone and then got invited to a raid. So thanks for that you awesome person you!!

#I may or may not start playing pokemon go again #idk #with incense still dead and disability makes going out hard #can't walk this week anyway cause leg is healing don't ask #and I really don't want to go out cause also recovering from like 3 panic attacks that hit me the other day too #urgh #and on tuesday have an appointment with the stupid disability office too to prove I'm still disabled #like you ableist btches are the reason I was out in the first place to get prepared and I ended up falling hurting my leg and then #subsequently suffering panic attacks #it was frusterating emvarrassing and clearly have had better days #fcking ableism I tell you #wE nEeD mOrE iNfOrMaTiOn tO dEtErMiNe iF yOuR sTiLl DiSaBlEd #btch given what happened to me the other day I clearly am still #I'm just mad #this is exactly why I am literally diagnosed with agoraphobia and panic disorder #but noooo #have to test disabled people and prove they are disabled even if that fcks them up even more by having to go to these appointments >>#rant over #personal #pokemon go #the only good things about that day was getting this legendary

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judas-redeemed · 1 year

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been thinking a lot about anticipatory grief lately. i love you so much that i know losing you will devastate me. i haven't lost you yet but i already miss you. we still have time, but it won't be enough. i think about what i would say at your funeral, and say some of it to you now cause i need you to know how loved you are before you go. you will go where i cannot follow, but you will never really leave me. it won't make it hurt less but it is a part of healing somehow.

#on grief #anticipatory grief #if u need this tagged lmk #judas talks

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ambrosiagourmet · 3 months

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I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #falin touden #dunmeshi analysis #I love it when dungeon meshi says. the trauma was real and it changed you #and the way you are because of it isn’t anything to be ashamed of #but you have to keep living. you have to chose to keep living.#and you can #dungeon meshi spoilers

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1introvertedsage · 2 years

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A physician without knowledge of Astrology - has no right to call himself a physician. ~*Hippocrates*~

#father of medicine #hippocrates #physician #frauds #hippocratic oath #unpopular opinion #astrology #do no harm #justice #lha #1introvertedsage #quote #healers #we will heal the hurt you caused #poisonous #poison US #LHA

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insanechayne · 4 months

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~ ~ ~

#sometimes I wonder if this is worth all the trouble it’s caused me #to keep holding on to someone who seems to want to be let go #trying harder and harder to keep this friendship going but every day we break down a little more #I still have so many questions that I need answers to but I know you won’t give me that clarity #time is supposed to heal all wounds but mine have only gotten worse the longer we’ve let things last this way #I just don’t have anyone or anything that can fully replace you or what you do for me #I know you’re toxic and you used me and I have better friends in my real life and my wonderful girlfriend with me #I know I have everyone’s support but I still can’t let you go #you’ve always been my safe space and we talk every single day and I can tell you anything and I just don’t have that with anyone else #the transition process is slow and grueling and I’m not strong enough to fully see it through #part of me wishes I’d never met you because look how much we’ve hurt and ruined each other #part of me wishes I’d met you sooner so I could have had more time with you the way we used to be #I wish I had someone I could just rant all of this out to without consequence #just tell them the whole story from an outside perspective and get some help with all of this bullshit #I feel like I’m burdening my girlfriend when I talk about you #I feel like I’m annoying my friends if I’m complaining about us #I can’t talk to you because you just get upset and shut me down #I’m so messed up and confused and I don’t know what to do anymore #so I make these stupid tag posts on here that you’ll never see and just let my feelings out #because where else better to do that than on my own personal blog right #I wish I could just turn all of these emotions off and stop caring about you and distance myself until I could fully cut you off #feel like I’m just dangling from strings here like a marionette that you’re toying with #personal

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candyskiez · 6 months

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so do you spiral into rage whenever you realize the person who got you seconds away from killing yourself is moving on with their life when somedays you still feel like you're stuck in that moment that fucking traumatized you and how unfair it is that they get to move on when you almost ended it all over them or do you not have a deep seated fear that you jave no effect on the people aroujd you

#suicide tw #cw suicide #tw suicide #suicide cw #candyskiez vent #i know its irrational. i know #but fuck its. a part of me is almost mad at them for moving on. even though earlier i was fucked up because whst if i hurt them what if im #terrible person. i keep fucking flipflopping. ive never once wanted them back but ive missed them so bad and ive hated them and i still #fucking love them and god. i almost killed myself. i almost KILLED myself and they get to just??? be upset that i didnt want them in my lif #they can just go on about how it was so hard for THEM to lose all their friends when they were the one who cut us out. and everyone feels #bad for them. but fuck. i almost fucking killed myself. i almost killed myself because of this situation. i thought id never be happy again #i was wrong. im finally healing from it. but sometimes i can't help but hate them. because how DARE you ever act like the two things are #even remoteoy equivalent. you lost SOME of your friends because you made a stupid ass life decision you had EVERY way of knowing would blow #up. we were in hell. we were in fucking hell. the friend group almost fucking fell apart becase of your stupid ass. i almost killed myself.#i thought id never be happy again. i almost killed myself without leaving a note so i wouldbt have to feel yhe pain YOU caused me. YOU. and #you think you have the RIGHT to be sad? you arent the fucking victim. you have NEVER been the victim of this situation. you will never be.#and logically i know i know they can feel however they feel and thats valid and yeah they cared. but it feels insulting fucking INSULTING #because how dare you be sorry when i could never forgive you for what you did. how dare you do something so STUPID and get surprised when #people got hurt. you are a fucking awful friend. you dont deserve forgiveness. i dont give a shit youre sorry. why should i care. why is it #MY job to care that youre a fucking idiot. you hurt me. why is it my job to understand why? i almost killed myself.#later on im probably going to feel bad for them again. i know they aren't a monster but god it is so fucking hard to care. ive never gotten #that close to suicide. and they very nearly pushed me over that edge. i was so fucking close to writing a note. i was debating if i should #send the note to my online friends. i was on the fucking brink. i will never fucking forgive them. i almost killed myself.#and their name wouldve been on the note.

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haunted-house-heart · 7 months

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#it hurts so bad #it's been a year and still it feels like there's this empty space in my chest #and when i see them i think of you. when they're living this. this undeserved happiness all i can think of is you #i wish you'd come back and we forget all that happened and i know i'd forgive you. i would always forgive you #you've been out of my life for a year and you could be dead and honestly i wouldn't even be surprised. most days it felt like i was the only #thing keeping you alive. and i realize now that i never should have let you put that pressure on me but i told you i could take it even #when it made me physically sick from stress. i couldn't help it. i loved you.#i still do. that's what hurts so much. that after all this time and all the pain you've caused me i still fucking love you.#it doesn't go away. i keep thinking it will and then i see them happy and all i can think of is the pain they caused us both and the love i #still feel. you were the first. you were my first love and it took me far too long to see it. i should've told you. i should've gotten you #help. they were hurting you and i tried to do the right thing but you chose them over me. that's what hurts the most honestly.#that after everything i still wasn't enough.#i want to talk to someone anyone tell them what they did to you to me but everyone fucking loves th #loves them. and i don't want to ruin someone elses friendship over my wounds.#i had to leave. i couldn't stand to see them happy anymore. it hurt too much. my therapist said it wasn't healthy to be there anymore #i've been feeling it awhile. it's been a year but this wound in my chest won't heal while they're pushing a knife into it. i had to leave.#i'm just so tired of thinking about this over and over. i want to move on.#vent #tw vent #delete later

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snoopysvalentine · 7 months

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Thinking about this tjme a friend posted an Instagram video ranting about how wounds on hands gross him out(like hangnail picking gone wrong and shit) and I was just like …thank you for saying you think my hands are gross? I get that we all have our own little quirks and pet peeves but you literally do not have to voice that on social media

#I obsessively pick my nails and my hands are always scraped up cause I’m clumsy and hurt myself on accident regularly #also one time I was talking with some very VERY close friends and we were doing that thing where we’re all on insta separately but together #and one of them showed us this selfie of someone who had visible self harm scars and called it cringey and gross #…I’m right here dog you’ve seen my arms you were friends with me while they were fresh and still healing WHY would you say that to me #mine

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