#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

acidmatze · 10 months

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I'll be there for you (Yes, like the Friends theme) Chapter 1

Figured since i'm awake with stomach cramps i might as well just.. post this here? The fanfic I've been working on. Not beta-read, self-indulgend, extremely unprofessional, you know the drill. Im a carpenter not a writer I dont know what im doing.

Summary: After being in a coma for two years Vash wakes up, not being able to remember Anything that has happened since he was "a teenager". How is he gonna adapt to living in a world so strange and unfamilliar?

Pairings: None so far

Warnings: Vash has panic attacks sometimes. Hospital setting (for now). Is "This is Extremely slow-paced" a warning...? It is now.

Words: ~2.8k Chapters: 2 3 4 5

In a hospital bed somewhere in December City Vash wakes up, seemingly for the first time. Or rather, it feels like the first time to him. Or the first time in a long time. Must've been a really long night. He can't even remember if he dreamt anything.

But something is off, the smell is different, the noises are different. There are noises he doesn't know, lots of them.

His eyes had been closed until now but as soon as he opens them he wishes he never had.

This ceiling is not the ceiling of his room. This is not his bed. And quite frankly, this body doesn't feel right either.

Maybe this is just a weird nightmare. Maybe this is the reason Luida says he shouldn't snack before going to bed. Weird nightmares that feel way too realistic.

Maybe Vash can get himself to wake up from this? He wants to pinch himself with his left hand but the pinch never happens. Before he can panic about this the door flings open.

„Doctor, he's awake now!“

Doctor?? Where the hell is he? What kind of fucked up nightmare is this?

Vash sits up, ready to jump off the bed and make a run for it, to figure out where he is but there are needles in his right hand.

Needles connected to tiny tubes that are connected to... medical devices of some sort. Vash has never seen anything like them before.

There's also a screen with numbers and a zig-zaggy line that is currently going haywire.

It also beeps a whole lot, way too fast and shrill.

Vash wants to rip the tiny needles out, they hurt, but before he can do anything an adult man pushes him back on the bed.

„Calm down!“ the man shouts, ironically.

How is Vash supposed to calm down in this situation? What the hell is even happening?

„Should i get a sedative, doctor?“ a nurse asks.

„No, he will be fine without one. He's just a bit confused, we will sort this out soon.“

A bit confused??

Vash tries to bite the doctor, but he's feeling sluggish and the doctor just yanks his hand away and laughs.

„Hey! Hey! I don't want to hurt you! Please just lie back down, I promise it will all be okay. No need to get mad at me.“

The (apparently) doctor slowly pushes Vash back onto the bed. As much as Vash wants to struggle, he feels way too tired, even though he just slept. At least he assumes he slept. Who even knows. He for sure doesn't know anything right now.

„Okay good. I don't want to strap you to the bed or something.“

How dare the doctor chuckle now. Vash wants to bite him again.

All this confusion is making him weirdly angry so he glares at the man who's now making himself comfortable at the other end of the bed.

„Good morning. It's been a while. You've been slipping in and out of consciousness for a while now, maybe for the past month or so? But now you're properly awake I assume. Well, you're reacting to things and all, quite obviously.“

The past... month?

„Before I startle you even more, let's talk about the things you do know, before I tell you things you don't know. Do you know your name? My name is Dr. Nichols, by the way.“

„....Vash.“ Vash croaks with a voice very unfamiliar to him. He remembers Brad made fun of his voice breaking once.

„Do you know how old you are?“

„Luida said, when someone asks me I have to say I'm 15.“

Where's Luida? Where's Brad?

„Ah... well... See, here's the scary thing. You're not 15 anymore. Do you want to know how old you are?“ Wait, he's not „15“ anymore? How much time has passed? And what actually happened in the first place? Why does his body feel so weird? It's uncomfortable and itching and painful all over and there's a weird pulling feeling on his left arm, as if his skin is too tight. Vash wants to reach over to scratch himself but he can't because the tiny needles are hurting if he lifts his hand too much.

He nods.

„Do you want your biological age or chronological one?“

„My... what?“

„Biological means what your body thinks how old you are. Chronological means how old official papers think you are.“

„Uuuuuuh....“ „Let's start with the easier one for now. Your biological age is.. well... about 28.“

Hes old now???

28 is almost 30 and that is ancient! That's probably even older than Luida is!

Vash sinks deeper into the pillow and groans. He feels like he's supposed to have a job now and do Taxes, whatever those are, but Luida joked about them once and said it's a thing they had to do on earth once a year when you're an adult.

Dr. Nichols let out a sigh.

„So since you thought you are '15' I don't think you remember anything that happened, right?“

What is there to remember? He remembers eating dinner with everyone and feeding the Thomases. He remembers writing in his diary. He remembers playwrestling with Brad. He remembers the Plants. He remembers when he tried to ride a Thomas for the first time and was just chucked off unceremoniously and faceplanted in the sand last year.

Last year?

If he's Old now it can't have been last year.

He also remembers his body not hurting like he got run over with a jeep, by the way.

He still can't feel his left arm... Must've been lying in a super weird position for a long time.

He did that once and then his leg fell asleep so badly when he wanted to get up he just flopped on the floor like a slinky. As if his brain forgot his leg was still there.

„The last thing I remember is seeing a super weird cloud in the sky and telling Brad about it and he said it looks like a Worm riding a bicycle.“ Vash answers truthfully.

Dr. Nichols starts laughing heartily.

„Do you even know what a bicycle is?“

Vash shakes his head and the doctor laughs even louder.

„I'll show you one day. But now I will call a nurse so we can get those off of you.“ He points at the tiny needles. „I don't think you need these anymore. You hopefully do remember how to eat and drink. You certainly remember how to swallow, or else we would have a strong case of flooding in your bed right now.“

„Of course I know how to eat! And drink!“

The doctor pushes a button and a few seconds later a nurse comes in. He murmurs something in her ear and with a few quick movements the tiny needles are pulled out of Vash's hand and he can move again.

„Oh yeah and please get him a soda when you come back, would you be so kind?“ „Soda...?“

„You'll like it.“

Now Vash can finally adress the itchy skin issue. He reaches over and -

The doctor grabs his wrist.

Vash kicks his legs in frustration and lets out an agonised yell.

„Noooo! It itches! I want to scratch my arm!“

The doctor sighs once again.

Oh no. What now?

„Please promise me you won't bite me but... you only have one arm left. Which would be your right. The one I am holding. You know how to tell left from right?“

What?

The screen behind the bed starts beeping again as Vash's breath rapidly quickens.

What does he mean he only has one arm left?

Just.. just what happened?

He glances very briefly down his left side.

The sleeve of his hospital shirt is cut halfway and has been tied in a knot. There is neither a hand nor an elbow, just a big great nothing.

Vash glances back to the doctor and he feels cold sweat running down his face.

And then he pukes.

He doesn't even notice that sudden nausea overcame him, the need to puke was quicker.

„Oh dear oh dear, we need a bucket here.“ the Doctor rambles while grabbing a towel from somewhere and patting awkwardly on the stained bedding.

How could Vash bite when he feels like he's about to pass out?

The nurse comes back with a big tall glass but puts it haphazardly on the ground before rushing over with paper towels to clean up the puke.

„What happened?“ she asks with a very worried voice.

„We just made a shocking discovery...“

„Was there no other way to tell him?“

Now the nurse gently pats with a soft tissue around Vash's face.

Oh, he's crying.

He grabs the tissue and loudly blows his nose.

The nurse strokes through his hair in an attempt to calm him down but it only makes Vash cry harder as he realises how long it got. It almost reaches his shoulders.

He needs a haircut badly.

Why is he thinking about haircuts while hysterically crying? What's next? The colour of the wallpaper?

It's a very ugly grey, by the way.

„He wanted to scratch his arm, so if I hadn't said anything he would've noticed himself anyway.“

„What happened to me?“ Vash manages to get out between sobs and his attempts to not choke on his snot.

Dr. Nichols looks at him with a very bitter expression.

„That is the thing. We have no idea. In terms of your arm I can say it wasn't done surgically. No doctor has ever touched it before. Well, before our surgeon worked on it. The way the muscles and bones restructured themselves was a ticking time bomb, you would've gotten a lot of issues with that arm sooner or later. But that is not really important to you right now, I guess. You did seem to have used a prosthetic but it is Lost Technology and sadly it broke along the way and we have no idea how it functions. I'm sorry I can't give you the answers you are looking for.“

The nurse is still stroking Vash's hair. Who is still crying, but less hysterically now.

Reality is slowly starting to sink in.

He is not Home. He has no idea how much time exactly has passed or where he is. No idea of how he got here and what happened in the apparently long time between his last memory and Now.

He has lost his left arm and doesn't know why or how or when.

His body hurts and he doesn't know why either.

Vash closes his eyes and sighs veeeeeeeery deeply.

Something cold clinks against his forehead.

„Don't you go back to sleep on me, young man. We got you a soda.“

Vash opens his eyes again and wants to grab the glass with his le- oh yeah he can't do that anymore.

He reaches out again with his right hand and grabs the glass.

The liquid is weirdly sparkly and smells sweet. It's also not clear but has a light yellow colour. The sparkly bits seem to dance on the surface and some are jumping out off the glass on Vash's skin.

He takes a cautious sip. It's... sweet. Syrupy. Almost unbearably so.

He has no words to describe what exactly he tastes beyond knowing that it's sweet and tastes like something he has never experienced before. At least he thinks so.

The sparkling in his mouth feels weird and he can hearit. In his mouth. That is kind of scary, but it doesn't hurt.

It scratches a bit as he swallows.

The second sip doesn't feel so strong anymore, it's actually kind of pleasant.

„I think we have talked about enough stressful things for today. Do you want to get out of bed? Think you can do it?“ the doctor asks.

„Unless you suddenly tell me I'm also missing a leg I know how to walk.“

The doctor lets out a chortle.

„You found your humor very quickly I see.“ He and the nurse steady Vash as he sits up and scoots to the edge of the bed.

„We exercised your body to keep your muscles from atroph- from getting weaker but of course that's no replacement for voluntary movement. You're going to be a bit wobbly for a while.“ The doctor explains.

And he is.

That's weird. Vash used to run around a lot. He ran up and down the dunes for fun. He chased the Thomases.

But now his legs were shaking just from standing.

He was also much higher up than he remembered, almost eye level with the top doorframe and easily towering over the doctor and the nurse.

„Careful now. Where do you want to go?“

Vash pointed at the window.

„The window. I want to see outside!“

With the help of the nurse and the doctor Vash hobbles over to the window.

He didn't know what he expected to see, probably sand, some more sand and even more sand, but he instead sees..... houses? Maybe?

He had only ever had them described to him in words and with Brads truthfully terrible drawings so Vash wasn't sure what he was actually looking at.

Buildings, of some sort. Very tall and kinda narrow. One of them has a glass front which reflects the suns. The others are in more muted colours and made of something Vash couldn't identify.

He counts the stories.

The tallest building, the one with the glass, is twelf stories high. The others were shorter.

Vash leans against the windowsill so he could look around better.

The building he is in seemed not to be very high, maybe four stories or so but it was build on a hill of some sort?

He looks down and is surprised by how many people he sees walking around. None of them is wearing what Brad, Luida and the others were wearing. It was all Other Clothes. Are they easier to get Now? Apparently they are cuz everyone is wearing them.

A group of teenagers with backpacks is passing by. They are laughing and pushing each other around, one of them almost stumbles into a guy with a suitcase.

Another one is kicking a ball.

Vash turns around and looks at the doctor in surprise.

„Where... where are we?“

„December City.“ That name sounds vaguely familiar for some reason but Vash has no idea why.

He stares back outside, as if the outside could give him an answer.

It didn't, of course, he only sees even more puzzling things.

Two young men are walking around, one of them tapping around on a weird-looking wrist band and then talking to it, holding it up to his ear and then talking again.

Vash hears him yelling „What? I can't hear you very well right now, there's so many people around!“ at the wrist band thing, ironically it also was very muffled through the window.

The other guy is holding a rectangle-shaped box on his shoulder that is blaring music. A radio? Vash had always expected them to look smaller.

The wrist band guy shoves the radio guy and gestures him to turn the music down, then he is yelling at the wrist band again.

When Vash looked more to the right he sees what Luida had called a Road. On it are a few vehicles that look a bit like the jeeps that Vash knows, but smaller.

„So... a city is like a settlement but bigger...?“

The doctor chuckles.

„Very much so. We climbed up to 400k lately.“

Vash can't even imagine so many people. At Home they were maybe two dozens?

„How does this work? Where is Everything coming from? Are there Plants? How?“

The doctors pats Vash's shoulder.

„We will explain it all to you in due time. For now just rest easy knowing that everything is taken care of. Are you hungry? It is lunch time soon. We could also bring you books, or the newspaper if you wanna feel like an adult. Or something to play with, if you would rather avoid that for now. In the evening a lady will come over. She will be your physical therapist. You are down by an arm, so there will be a lot of things you have to relearn again and she will help you.“

Vash thought it over in his head.

Did he want anything? Anything in particular?

„Uuh... I had a red jacket. Is it still here? And uuh... can I have some Other Clothes? Like...“ He points outside.

„Sure! Actually, we have the clothes you came in with in your closet here. Anything else?“

„Can i have another... Soda? And I had a diary but I guess that's gone now. But i want to write stuff down. And maybe something to draw with?“

The doctor grins.

„You know, we will bring you all that and some other things you may like. I doubt you know what video games are but you might enjoy them. Also candy. Who doesn't like candy?“

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #my writing #trigun fanfiction #i didnt wanted to post this anywhere but i need Attention so here you go #i dont know how the comma works in english grammar and at this point im too afraid to ask

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la-bruja · 7 months

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🐉 @dragonboytail follow

we need to ban parents from using the word "attitude" so they can maybe start grappling with the fact that their children maybe are having a reasonably angry response

🍲 @matzobs follow

This sounds wild when you write it down like I'm about to, but I'm right:

Sometimes the kid's feelings simply aren't relevant to the situation, and it's better parenting to explain that to them.

I get it, you don't want to go to skool. I don't particularly want to send you to skool. But the law says you have to go, and the alternatives aren't realistic, and we live in the world. The bright side is, your friends will be there. I'd recommend finding some joy in that. Please go brush your teeth now.

I hear you thought you were hanging out with your friend this weekend but it's rosh hashana. Sometimes being jewish means doing things we dont think we'll like. We made an agreement. They'll be blowing the shofar. Put your white shirt on.

🦌 @vaspider √✔️☑️✅🦀 follow

"Your feelings are real but not always relevant" is a thing that a lot of people could use to learn earlier.

👬 @jraker4 follow

I can see why many folks would shy away from this lesson, because it is *super easy* (and not uncommon!) to weaponize ‘sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to’. But…sometimes ya do, and the person making you do it isn’t always bad for making you do it.

⚫️ @xxlovelynovaxx follow

The thing is, it's better to convince someone to do something than force them to - and explaining why it's important to do the thing and y'know, treating a child like the actual human being they are by validating their feelings but having a conversation about why it's necessary anyway - will often do that.

In the rare events where explaining doesn't help or even makes it worse, it is often then time to consider if there's a deeper issue at play. I can guarantee 9/10 times it's not entitlement. Is the kid undiagnosed as neurodivergent and having a meltdown because they know an event will be sensory hell? Do they legitimately not understand WHAT they have to do and are focusing on WHY they have to do it as a coping mechanism?

There's a wide gap to how people in general react to "things I don't really want to do but fully can" vs "things I genuinely can't do or would hurt me to do to the point that even if they're technically possible for me to do, I functionally can't do them". Kids are no different - and quite honestly in my experience, no less able to articulate this than most adults, who also struggle to recognize the difference.

If it's discovered that it really is a bigger issue than "not wanting to", then it's a lot of work to make bigger adjustments. Sometimes it means temporarily dealing with the penalties of missing a necessary event - getting a doctor's note from a child psychologist to pull them out of school for more than 1-3 sick days while further uncovering the underlying cause of the inability to deal with school, for example. Is it undiagnosed neurodivergence? Untreated mental illness? Bullying? Some form of trauma unrelated to school that is still most impacting school? An ability to get a need met being severely impacted by the time and energy spent on school? Etc.

Anyway, part of the reason "your feelings are real but not always relevant" is so important is because it's a critical tool in determining when your feelings ARE relevant. And the earlier you learn that, the happier and healthier you'll be as you grow.

#Post was unrebloggable so i stole it . If uou got binged. sory.#i do miss that brief trend where people made very convincing fake posts #stealing posts #thinking thoughts

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not-poignant · 2 years

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How did you find a doc that takes you seriously and that you trust? I'm struggling so much trying to find one that trusts me when I say something is wrong, and that helps me on my trans journey, and that helps with my chronic pains. I dont live in Australia but maybe whatever tips or advice you have helps me anyway

Hi anon,

It took me about 25 years to find a doctor that took me seriously that I can trust, and honestly, she's not very good at gender stuff at all. Like she would 100% refer me to the right psychiatrist/s and support me, but I get misgendered every single appointment, despite disclosing my pronouns a year or so ago.

So even then, I wouldn't necessarily recommend her to a trans person. (Also you're not in Australia, but still).

If you want good doctors to specifically help you on your trans journeys, it's time to hit social media for your specific area - particularly Facebook. There are almost always multiple 'trans in X country / city / area' groups and there are almost always doctor recommendation threads - chances are you can search for them right now - usually with disclosure of how the experiences went, what to expect, the cost, and where they are. Or you can make a new thread yourself and explain your situation.

The best part about being trans and chronically ill wherever you are, is that you're never the first person to be both at the same time, and chances are high that some of those people are on social media and sharing the doctors they've found to be super helpful. This can sometimes cut through a lot of pain, and most people I know use this method. Facebook is generally the best place to look, simply because a lot of LGBTQIA+ regional/city/suburb groups are there in the first place.

The other thing to hit up are Spoonie or Chronically Ill groups in your area on Facebook, and search those threads for doctors. There might already be one on 'I'm chronically ill / trans and I need a doctor' - but you might need to make a thread too.

You'll often get recommendations of who not to see as well, which can be helpful. I've personally found specialists and doctors via this method, and I know a lot of people who do it this way, and definitely recommend it. People are out there talking about this stuff all the time, probably right now, and it's just a matter of being willing to look on Facebook and sometimes willing to post a thread or two. I know a lot of folks don't use Facebook these days (understandably) but it really still is the best place to search for these kinds of specific needs re: doctors and specialists, and definitely one to keep in mind going into the future.

(You might also want to consider looking up trans websites and support groups, some will actually have support and trans GPs / doctors recommended there too).

#asks and answers #personal #looking for doctors can be rough #be patient and be prepared to make a shortlist #remember someone can sometimes settle for a doctor because they're good in some ways or not in others #and you probably won't find someone perfect #i like my doctor because she is very very good about my chronic illnesses #so i'm willing to be misgendered sometimes #you might not be willing to compromise at *all* on the latter #in which case if i recced her - she'd be a terrible fit for you #the good thing about facebook chronic-illness and queer groups #is that these questions get asked almost monthly #and sometimes even weekly #everyone is looking for good doctors when they're trans and chronically ill #this stuff has been talked about for years #and chances are high you will automatically be able to find threads just by searching for them #you just need to find the groups #administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue

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she-waves-at-cats · 1 year

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So I relate to absolutely everything in yr "quiet and hardworking" post, except the quiet part cos i talk more the more anxious i am but that's besides the point. What I am interested in is the reading eyebrow twitches because mine twitch A LOT and go all over the place without my awareness. Even if i try to, and feel like, im keeping my face as still as possible. I hate it and it makes me even more nervous cos nobody elses does. I am not diagnosed autistic, if anything i have the opposite problem of reading facial expressions [reading them "too well"/too much into them] but the ADHD doctor diagnosed me with ADHD after about 5 minutes cos he said he could tell by "how alive my face was". It makes me very nervous that my face is doing much more than other people's and Ive gotten paranoid that's why people dont seem to like me. Cos my face is saying things im not aware of and that might be interpreted completely wrong. It feels like yr supposed to have a blasé pokerface and I have the face of a meth addict. Naturally.[I'm not medicated for ADHD]

So im curious as to what you read from people's eyebrows? Do you prefer people with "talking eyebrows" & a face that's alive or does it make you nervous? How do you feel about greyhounds an other dogs with that type of eyebrows?

In short, facial activity (or neurotype) doesn't matter as much as whether your expressions match your true feelings. Some people just don't understand the ways and reasons we express ourselves and if you fight your expressions, that reads as false. This will turn away those who might want to be your friends. But then there are people and situations where we just don't fit in no matter how hard we try, and for those occasions i think it's good to mask. I'm biased here because a poker face is easy for me. Easier than "toning down". But being permanently masked is a miserable life. You don't get rejected but you don't get to experience anything good.

Hey, thanks for asking and helping me think about this. From here on out, it's a stream of consciousness. It's a long post, but you can take heart in knowing that I deleted most of my first draft.

First of all, I think it needs to be said that I haven't been diagnosed with autism or adhd, but at 35 I don't need to be. I've had enough of talking to psychiatrists in my 20s, getting traumatised by them and labeled with mental illnesses that didn't fit me on the basis of my masked behaviour in an artificial situation. Once I allowed myself to accept autism as the cause for my lifelong struggle, it all just fell into place. I was instantly healed of depression, for one.

I wish I was that sort of autistic who doesn't notice and doesn't care about social stuff. Life would be so much more manageable. Alas, I crave friendship and love. In an autistic way. Being loved is my special interest.

The eyebrow twitch was a metaphor mostly. It's about being consciously on the lookout for signs someone's tired or unhappy with me. I think we have the same problem of reading too much into other people's expressions, but it's the right thing to do if you don't want to risk being excluded.

Of course it's all part of a larger picture: what they say, how they phrase it, how they have acted around me historically etc. A single eyebrow movement is nothing, but on a person who has expressed contempt of me before, it's the first sign they're about to say something nasty. Maybe I can stop them if I stop speaking now.

Outside of my close friend circle, people rarely give status updates like "i liked when you did x earlier", "I'm tired of this topic, let's talk about my interest now", or even "I like you". You're supposed to just figure it out from small clues, and if you fail, you suffer consequences. In my experience.

What type of face I prefer? It depends. My two best friends have extremely lively faces, 100 expressions a minute. My husband is not very expressive unless he's actively laughing at a joke. None of these people try to force or fake expressions that don't fit their emotional state. When they emote at me, they are just being themselves, not trying to get me to do something or become something through subtle pressure. They are welcome to look me in the eye because they look with love and acceptance. All these people are great at asking rather than assuming things. And when I tell them something that is true about me, they believe my words.

My own face? I don't know. I think I've always appeared mostly sad and bland. I taught myself to express appropriate emotions, so much that people accepted me even if they instinctively didn't trust me. Now I know for most of my life I was deeply unhappy, so my true expression would've been a scream. Now that I'm no longer depressed, the amount of joy i take in simple things… makes me mask my expressions as well. Grinning like a maniac at a flower or bird or a chain of associations in my mind wouldn't get me any friends either.

I've always preferred to just not be watched. Keep my joys and sorrows private inside my mind or at least inside my house.

I also don't mind looking at faces per se, except when people look straight back at me. When they're busy doing something and telling me about it, or talking to others, I enjoy watching their expressions. It freaks me out when a film character breaks the fourth wall, but I'll allow that if it's really funny. I like looking at photos of others and myself where we're living our lives rather than posing, because faces just look nicer when the eyes are not pointed straight at me.

It's funny you ask about dogs. Being around a dog can be really tiring because they make me feel so observed. I can see the dog making judgements about me, deciding how to react to my words and actions. Their constant alertness to humans makes me self-conscious. The way they mirror expressions is unsettling. It's hard to believe that a creature can genuinely always want to be together and do what i ask it to.

Multiple dogs watching my every move? That would be just like retail. I'm not putting myself through that for less than fair minimum wage.

It's easier to relate to less social animals. Fish, birds, snails even. You don't feel judged by a snail. My cat is easy to care for, because he is very clear about what he wants when he wants something, letting me know with sounds, eye contact and movements, but when he doesn't need me, he does his own thing. We are aware of each other but with no demands.

This is also true about the people who are easiest to interact with. We parallel-play in the same room, text each other our random thoughts rather than demand instant attention. We talk without necessarily looking at each other.

I appreciate not being drawn into a game of just emoting at each other for no external reason, but if someone wants to share something big with me, or ask me for something I can give them, I'm there for them. If a year or two have passed since we last talked, that makes no difference. And if their face is easy to read, that's just a bonus.

#long post

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savagetrickster · 4 years

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Crushing on You (HCs) | BNHA

Request: First of All, i love your navigation its really unique :) Then mhhh what i wanted to request are just some headcanons about shoto (and other characters u like) in which they get really soft zu their crush or s/o, just some fluffy things that come to your mind when u think about it uwu !and dont stress yourself with anseering this request, take ur time!

anime | character(s): bnha | todoroki shouto, bakugou katsuki

word count: 1.9k+

a/n: thank you anon, it took me a really long time to make my current navigation; glad you liked it! sorry for the delay, i’ve been trying to squeeze in writing time between my work schedules and finally managed to complete this as well. Whew! i expanded a little more on your requests while trying not to go off-track hahah! also, i really want to add more characters but time could allow me to write for these two. hope you like my take on how they would behave regarding their crushes! i kinda rushed through this piece so the sentences may not string well together hahah and there may be some errors; it’s not beta-ed.

How did he find out about his crush on you?

Shouto is as smart as a pile of bricks when it comes to anything that isn’t…well, hero stuff? So when he harbored special feelings for you at the start, he wasn’t aware of that. Completely oblivious and hilariously dense about it.

The first few times his heart raced and his cheeks grew warm in your presence, he didn’t make the connection between these and you. He went to see the doctor thinking there was something wrong with his heart and was the reason why his face would feel warm. Nights before his appointment at the hospital, he couldn’t sleep.

It turned out that everything was fine; his heart is perfectly healthy. So the next thing he thought, making a connection to you - is he allergic to you? Or did you have some sort of secondary quirk you kept secret?

Often, he found his eyes gravitating to you, like you were some kind of magnet. You were the first thought he wakes up to and the last before he went to sleep. There were times he felt oddly possessive of you when you talked with the guys.

Despite all these, none of these made him realize his feelings for you. He passed them off as curiosity since you were the only one who made him feel strange.

He only found out why when he shared his suspicion about you - is he allergic to you? Or did you have some sort of secondary quirk you kept secret? - with Midoriya, particularly the latter.

How does Shouto behave around you after his realization? All the years growing up the way he did, having a crush on someone was foreign and bizarre to him. Knowing only quirk-related and hero whatnots with limited social interactions in his maturation years, he was…afraid. Afraid of his own feelings for you. He has no idea what to do and couldn’t face you without accidentally coming off as ‘curt and cold’ to you. He avoided you like you were the plague; he couldn’t help it - he felt like he could combust into flames (lol) from how much you made him blush.

You had always enjoyed Shouto’s company and admired his talents as a hero, sharing an amicable connection with him despite not being in his circle with Midoriya and the rest. You liked him. Liked him too much.

So when he was suddenly blunt and cold to you + very obviously avoiding you, your heart broke.

The day you confronted him out of frustration and with a broken heart, he realized how wrong he was to act like this.

>> a short fic based on the paragraphs above is coming soon!

He didn’t want to hurt you because of his own fears. He apologized to you but decided to keep his feelings for you a secret from you - the last thing you two needed a distraction like this when you should be focusing on forging your paths as heroes.

As he promised, he suppressed his feelings and maintained (struggled to) the way he was with you; simply friends.

But he definitely has a soft spot for you.

He has developed an overprotective streak for you; his eyes were always on you.

he’s always the first to react if you were in danger. And if there were any stimulation exercises with the class, he would be adamant about staying near you, asking whoever who is on your team to switch with him (of course, without you knowing)

He is very attentive about what you liked or disliked. Taking notes in his head like it was his duty.

there was a time when he overheard a discussion between the girls and you, gushing about the types of clothes you girls like to see on a guy. Taking interest in what you like, he eavesdropped and heard you like pullovers on guys. And on the very next day, he bought himself a few, of course using his Endeavor’s credit card, and wore them as soon as they were ready to worn.

He takes very good care of you and is always concern. Too concerned for a mere friend. He is always there to catch you in case you fall.

menstrual cramps? one day, he walked into the lounge of Class 1-A dormitory and found you clutching onto your stomach, obviously in discomfort and pain despite already taken a pain killer for your cramps. You desperately needed a heat pad to help ease the shit your uterus had to put you through every month.

at first he had thought about using his fire quirk to help you but quickly scratch that idea because he knew he didn’t have that kind of control to not hurt you by accident. The only solution is to get you a water bottle of warm water which loses its temperature pretty quickly. from then, he made it his goal to obtain superb control over his fire quirk, even to the extent of asking Endeavor for help in refining his control just for you. So that the next month when you had to go through the same pain, he was ready to use his fire quirk to relieve your discomfort.

fever? shouto caught onto news that you caught a bad cold and were down with a high fever. You laid in the darkness of your room, feeling feverish and your body was burning up. that day, he spent the whole night in your room, tending to you the best he could. Pressed his hand to your burning forehead, ice quirk activated; cool enough to make you sigh but not too cold to freeze you by accident - having only used his ice side growing up, his control is excellent. somehow he ended up holding you, cuddling your feverish head to his body on your bed, regularly activating his ice side to keep his body cool.

When he thinks about his future after graduation, he always include you. In fact, you are part of a much, much bigger picture in the future he envisioned.

it is in his plan to confess to you after graduation. he already knew enough about you, having paid attention and staying near you throughout after he found out that you were special to him. over time, his crush on you wasn’t as simple anymore. Something stronger and more permanent was beginning to bloom in his heart as he continued to safeguard you and watch over you like a silent guardian.

Get ready to adopt he name ‘Todoroki’ in the future ‘cause he’s pretty determined to take things further with you. First, his girlfriend and of course his wife and the mother of his children.

How did he find out about his crush on you?

I would like start Bakugou’s part right off the bat by saying that the expression you see in the heading^ made for him is exactly how he would react once he realized he has a crush on you.

Bakugou here looks like he is in disbelief (as if having such feelings was absurd), bewildered and irked. Yes, damn right he will be irked. He finds harboring such feelings for you or in fact, anyone unnecessary, ridiculous and stupid. He didn’t have time for such a thing.

Bakugou isn’t as dense as Shouto about this sort of things; if he did find his heart pounding around you, he’s sharp enough to know that you had an effect on him and suspect that he has feelings for you, but this doesn’t mean he is going to acknowledge it. He would dismiss it quickly and move on to more important stuff like his goals. One day, he grew really jealous and extremely irritated when he saw two seniors hitting on you while he was on his way to class after lunch with Kirishima and Denki. Surprisingly, he handled the situation pretty calmly despite how irritated he is. He walked forward, speeding up ahead of Kirishima and Denki and smoothly tugged you away from the persistent upperclassmen with a firm but gentle grip around your bicep.

From that incident, Kirishima and (sorry Kirishima is probably pretty dense about this sort of things but of course no one could beat Shouto in this area lol) Denki being a rather perceptive guy when it came to matters of the heart, was quick to pick up on Bakugou’s crush on you. Bakugou kind of grudgingly acknowledge his feelings for you that day. Was it because his friends being pushy, constantly teasing him about it? Or was it witnessing that upsetting scene you were in?

Maybe both? But that did not mean he was going to act on it. He is still pretty stubborn about remaining unbothered about this “useless, pointless sentiment”, quoted Bakugou pretty often to his friends. How does Bakugou behave around you? Bakugou Katsuki is a freaking kuudere - i.e. a character who is often cold, blunt, and cynical. They may seem very emotionless on the outside, but on the inside they’re very caring — at least when it comes to the ones they love. Though he deems his feelings for you a “useless, pointless sentiment”, it has become a second nature to him to worry about you regardless of how adamant he is about “not giving a fuck about you” as he had gruffly said to shut his friends up.

He becomes subtlysoft!Bakugou around you.

he is rather toned-down and mature when it comes to you. his explosive (haha) temperament is milder and he exhibits bits of gentlemen traits around you.

his brash, rough voice softens when he talks to you without him realizing. He is more patient and calmer around you than the rest of his classmates or even his closest friends like Kirishima. he rarely yells at you and addresses you by your name, and not insults he typically used on others e.g. extras, nerd, idiot.

He is protective.

he is always quick on his feet in getting you out of sticky situations most of the time. tied to being subtlysoft!Bakugou in my previous point (duh), he demonstrated his ability to be cool-headed and efficient when he got you out of the situation with the two upperclassmen.

sometimes if he could in stimulation exercises, he would be try to get you to come along whenever he went on his own way with Kirishima and Denki.

“stay close.” he would mutter in a grudging gruff tone as he bashfully tug you along, away from the rest of the class as we all know he always do in the canon.

He is rather thoughtful and considerate when it’s you.

once you didn’t turn up for school and he kept glancing over at your empty desk, concerned. he found out that you were down with a bad cold and was being taken care of by Recovery Girl in the infantry. Exams were just two weeks away so he secretly took down notes for you.

When you recovered, he made fun of Kirishima’s “shitty grades” and somehow managed to get Kirishima to start a study session with you included; his main motive was so he could help you catch up without you learning about his true intentions. (kuudere much, Bakugou -__-)

you are a priority, and eventually a goal as well.

as bakugou matures alongside you and Class 1A through the years, he will gradually accept that life isn’t only about hero stuff, being number one or putting that stupid nerd Izuku in his fucking place. (i love midoriya okay, this is just bakugou being bakugou hahah) Or at least he didn’t want his life to be merely about all that. You were also his goal, in fact, one of his biggest goals. He isn’t exactly a big fan of screeching little spawns of the devils but he could live with it if they were part of a future with you.

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ccsthemovie2 · 3 years

Note

(I think it's a word over 500, but:)

"Speaking of Tsukishiro, how's he doing?", Eriol asks. Frying pan to fire to volcano.

"He's good," Touya says quickly, before Sakura can say anything. Yukito is not even in the ballpark of "good". Yesterday he called Touya and begged him to bike over and said it was important and when Touya showed up he was asleep, and stayed fast asleep right through to the next morning. He keeps trying to make appointments with doctors, and then falling asleep before he can call, or, when Touya calls for him, before he can make it out the door. Privately, Touya isn't sure how much good a doctor can do for him, but anything has to be better than this, right?

"Really? I'm glad to hear it." Ugh, how much has Sakura told him. Not that she doesn't have a right to talk to her friends, but, come on, would it kill her to least keep it between her and Tomoyo and the funny looking cat.

He's good, that's an obvious lie. Ruby has said Yukito could barely stand upright at school. Every inch of Touya Kinomoto is packed full of magic. Sooner or later, Eriol figures, either Sakura will be powerful enough to sustain him, or Yue will have to get over himself and just eat already. Touya can't actually do anything with his magic, so it's not like Yue, even weak as he is, will have to face much of a struggle to take it. (Aside from competition with Ruby, of course. There's something to that, right, articles and studies about animals being healthier if they need a bit of careful planning to get their food? Yes, so this works out nicely.)

Or maybe- oh, that's probably it. Yue's on to him, isn't he? He's just being stubborn as usual, figuring sooner or later Clow will appear via Eriol and save him. He can imagine how surprised, overjoyed, grateful Yue would be, if Eriol showed up and saved his life. He can imagine Yue's head resting on his neck as clearly as if he had kept Yue well-fed with magic a thousand times in his lifetime. It would be nice, in the short run, but it wouldn't be right, no. Clow is dead, and Yue needs to learn to live with that. If he knows what's good for him, he will take responsibility for his own life, and if he doesn't...

Ahh, well, maybe it's Clow's old sentimentality, maybe Eriol is just warming up to Sakura's moon guardian all on his own, but he can't bring himself around to the idea of letting Yue just die. He'd save him, if it came down to it. But, he tells himself sternly, only as an absolute last resort. He's just worrying because he misses Yue and wants to get to know him better all at once in that past-and-future way- it's worth a visit, soon. Yes, a nice little visit, and Yue will never even have to know it happened. Just to check in.

(sorry the formatting got weird when i copypasted lol!)

hiiii thanks for the ask!!!

if we talk about this convo we need to back up and talk about how it got here. this should give you some idea of how badly this needs to be under a cut for length lol.

so it all starts with the bit about how someone falling and being caught is something that happens a lot in ccs. how with eriol, it's purposeful, and with fujitaka (and i misremembered it but since found out she fell *on* him and not *caught* by him, which lolol i hope he broke a bone, but also its fine the fic's already marked canon divergent, or maybe the story gets misremembered, whatever, in any case), it's an echo of clowriol's intentional artificial-trustbuild-dangersaves but without the magic or purpose to back it up (just like fujitaka himself!), but it's a situation he quickly makes favorable to him, because it may be a blank slate but it's made of the same material.

this whole convo was part of one of the very first chunks written, but everything was going to go in a very different direction at first. (there's a lot of Cut Content from this fic, some that i just didn't like, some that wasn't connectable with the rest of the fic after it took the shape it took but might pop up somewhere else one day idk). in this particular bit i cut the later half of the conversation because i really didn't like what i'd written, but then even though the direction of the story changed the conversation was still going so it had to bounce somewhere else, so it bounced to yukito. here we are answering your ask 2 paragraphs in!

yukito, iirc in the anime, did catch her from a fall, (in the manga, which made way more sense for why she had to change her clothes and rest so much, he saved her from drowning, again iirc because who can trust a memory) and at a point where eriol still has some investment in making yuekito/sakura (ewwwww) happen, he's going to try and draw on that symbolism to nudge her in that direction, right?

so all this said, SPEAKING of yuekito. how are they doing.

bad, obviously. touya's freaking out. i imagine that part of what's stopping yukito from seeing a doctor is yue, though- he knows it wont help, and i dont think yukito has, like, person insides that will stand up to medical tests, and yue would pick up on yukito like, not wanting to be outed to the doctor as a magic construct because he, like, doesnt actually have a real heart that pulses, just a repeating heartbeat sound. doesn't for real have blood etc to test, just records of blood type (for personality reasons).

and also touya's a very like keep-ur-problems-not-everybodys-business type so hes like imagining sakura venting her fears to this weirdo and getting pissed off. but that didnt actually happen, eriol knew all on his own lolol. touya you have to say something nice should happen to sakura to make up for wrongly suspecting her now

and this bit on eriol's end is all wrong information and inaccurate conclusions and i was really worried ppl would take it at face value but i hope nobody did. in ccs we get moments where eriol wants sakura to take power, or to learn that power can be taken- his final battle with her, for example, where the answer to his light and dark puzzle is to use kero and yue's power, except that's not something she would ever Want to do or would even Occur to her to try. the power is gifted to her by kero and yue (and syaoran!) because they love her.

same concept, here- the answer to the 'yue is dying' puzzle is to eat touya's power, and he can't imagine the real reason why he won't just do that, and when he thinks about it too long it goes right to his ego- yue looovvvvesss clow, and by extension me. he wants meeeeeee to save him. he wants to neck kissy MY magic soo sooooo bad. but yue isn't considering any of that at all. he's thinking about yukito and what touya means to yukito and why that would make yukito hesitate to reach out, and that no way in hell will he just ambush his other self's crush down a dark alley and take his magic, even to save both their lives. he's a lot more selfless than clow and eriol ever realize. maybe- this is just a half formed thought right now, i dont know if im like certain about it, but- maybe they feel his devotion to clow was a form of selfishness, that he Wanted Love as a thing he could hold and own, whereas pretty much everybody else who meets him goes like YOU SELFLESS MAN YOU CANT JUST DIE FOR PPL YOU CARE ABOUT YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOOOO

and there’s also that bit of teacherliness intrinsic to the three of them again: im doing this to teach him a lesson. im letting ruby do her thing without telling her what’s going on to help and encourage yue, etc.

anyway, that (in terms of fic weaving itself into canon) solidifies his decision to do uhmmmm a thing that creeps me out real bad in the anime (knocking yue out to have a moment with him, and oh, ding, there's another 'you fell but i caught you' moment!). eriol loves this manner of hanging out with people, you see it later in this fic, even:

It's important to say what's in your heart to the people you want to say it to, even if you have to make sure the other person never hears it. It's important for your own emotional freedom.

he loves to spend time with people exclusively on his terms, to the point where the other party never even knew he was there, because he knocked them out, or because he was just staring creepily at the outside of sakura's house while she did homework, etc etc etc.

tldr: it's all connected, aaaaaaaaa

#ask

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happys-crazy-queen22 · 4 years

Text

Title: Final Beat Down

Gif credit @jayhasltud

Requested on wattpad

Hope you all enjoy it

WARNING: ABUSE, ASSAULT, ATTEMPTED RAPE. THREATENING WITH A GUN. TRIGGER WARNING. CAUTION WHEN READING.

He did it again. This time it was one of the worst. Your eye was swollen shut, your ribs were broken. The wheezing told you that. A lung was punctured, probably. He couldn't control himself. You had to get out, just had too. So you went to the only place that you felt safe.

"Y/N, come in". Hank didnt even have to ask why you were there, he just let you in.

"Take off those wet clothes, I'll get you some dry ones". Hank hurried along to his room. You stood in the hall, shivering as you took the wet clothes off. Your body ached with every movement that you made. Biting your lip to stop you from sobbing.

Hank returned with a towel and some clothes. He held up the towel as you got dressed.

"I'll put on some coffee". He sighed as he saw the bruises on your arms and legs. You followed him to the kitchen.

"What was it this time"?

"The same". You whispered as you sat down at the table.

"You need to leave him. You dont deserve what this son of a bitch is doing to you". Hank slammed the kettle down on the stove. He heard you whimper. "Sorry".

"I know. I just can't. I dont know how".

"I'll talk with some people and get you into a womans shelter".

"He'll find me. Then he'll do worse. I may not survive it then".

Hank shook his head as he grabbed two coffee cups and sat them on the table, he pour the coffee into cup. You wrapped your hands around the mug and took in the heat.

"You need to see a doctor".

"No I'm good".

"It wasn't a question. You need to get checked out. I'll call Will". Hank went to the house phone and got on it. You didnt want to drag anyone else into the mix but you were in serious pain. So much pain that you were struggling not to pass out.

Will arrived in a matter of minutes along with Jay. Hank let Will use his bedroom to check you over. It was a painful process. Every touch sent shock waves of pain through your body. Will bandaged you up and gave you some pain meds to help you sleep. Before he even left you were out.

"How is she"? Hank met Will at the bottom of the stairs.

"Well. A few broken ribs, a punctured lung. Busted lip, a fractured eye socket, luckily he didnt damage her eye. She has bruises up and down her legs and arms. Hand prints around her wrist and throat. Mark's on her back that look like it came from a belt. Right now she's lucky it wasn't worse than this. She needs to get out".

"I've told her that many of times".

"This happened more than once"? Will asked shocked.

"Third time this week".

"Hank, get her out or you'll be trying to solve her murder".

"I know who did it but she wouldn't press charges on him. I've tried to get her to".

"Then you have a girl that doesnt want help". Will frowned as he walked past Hank and out the door.

"If you need anything just call". Jay told Hank.

"Yeah. Thanks". Hank shut the door and blew out a breath he was holding. He went to the couch and sat there thinking.. Soon he drifted off to sleep.

The morning came, Hank was up and ready for work. He didnt want to disturb you so he let you sleep in but when he went up to check on you before he went off to work you weren't there. You hand went out the window, he didnt know why. Figure you were scared to face him or to ashamed but he knew where you were and that you'd be seeing him again.

During Hanks shift he tried not to think about you or your situation but you were on his mind. He called you three, four times. You never answered so after work he was going to stop by your place unannounced. Maybe that boyfriend of yours would be there, but he wouldn't do anything in front of Hank. He was to big of a coward to hurt you with Hank around.

"Hey Jay, I'm going to head out early. I have to stop somewhere". Hank told Jay while he put on his jacket. It was still raining out.

"Okay. You need back-up"? Jay already knew where he was headed. Hank might be a mystery to all but when he really cares about someone his guard is down.

"Nah, I think I'll be fine. Just stay by a phone just in case". Hank chuckled as he walked out the back, heading to his car. He left at the right moment.

"You stupid fucking bitch". Your boyfriend threw you into the wall with such force your shoulder dislocated.

"I'm sorry". You whimpered as you moved your arm, cowering in the corner of the kitchen.

"Then you shouldn't make me mad. I do so much for you and you give no thanks. That's what makes me mad". He jerked you up by your shoulders which hurt like a bitch.

"You're going to give me what I want or else". He threatened with a growl.

"You lay another damn finger on her, your brains will splatter this kitchen. Now put her down easy and step away". Hank had his gun pointed at the back of your abusive boyfriends head. Your boyfriend was nervous, the sweat beads rolling down his forehead. He let you down easy and stepped away from you.

Hank bent down to help you up, you hissed as your arm moved. "You okay"?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just go".

"You're coming with me. Even if you dont press charges. You're leaving".

"She isnt going anywhere. That bitch owes me".

"You open you fucking mouth one more time, I'll put a bullet in it". Hank gripped the trigger on his gun. Just waiting for him to be stupid.

"I'll go with you Hank".

Hank smiled and wrapped his arm around you, leading you out. Then something stupid happened.

"She ain't going to open her legs for you either old man. You can save her all you want". Your ex boyfriend laughed, sticking up his middle finger.

Hank didnt think he quickly turned around and broke his middle finger. Of course he screamed out like a drama queen.

"I told you what would happen if you opened your mouth again, now didnt I"? Hank took the butt of the gun and smashed into your ex's mouth. He screamed in agony. Spitting out a few teeth.

"Thats for opening your mouth". Hank put his gun in his holster. Balled up his fist and punched him square in the nose. Then just released hell on him. Kicking and punching. Stomping on his ribs and his broken finger. You were actually enjoying the sight. You didn't know it would have been this great of a feeling to see someone else have complete control over him, like he did once on you.

"Hank". You quietly spoke getting his attention also you didnt want him to kill him.

"One second". Hank told you. He reached behind him getting his cuffs. "Your under arrest for assault on a police officer". Hank jerk him over to his stomach and put the handcuffs on tightly.

"I didn't do shit". Your ex cried out.

Hank pulled him up by his ear, your ex was covered in blood. Hanks hands were covered.

"Call the station and ask for Jay". Hank asked of you. You nodded and went to your phone. Seeing that Hank called and texted you moments before he arrived. You called the station and Jay didn't ask any questions. He was on his way.

"You okay"? You came over to Hank as Jay loaded up your ex, hitting his head on the door as he was thrown in the back seat.

"Yeah. Let's got to my place and get cleaned up. Your house is a crime scene right now". Hank chuckled as he laid his on your back.

"Thank you for saving me, Hank. I know now I should have left long ago. I was just scared". You tell him as he cleaned your wounds with peroxide.

"Y/N, I know you were scared but you have me. I wouldn't hurt you. I would have done my best to protect you. You deserve much better than him".

"Someone like you".

"Yeah, someone like me".

"It wasnt a question, Hank. You. You have been there for me when I needed help and when I couldn't think straight. I trust you more than anyone. You take better care of me than I do".

"You deserve to be cared for. Y/N, you're an amazing woman and you dont give yourself credit for that".

You smiled wide as you leaned into Hank. The smell of him made you go mad. "I like you Mr. Voight". You licked your lips as you looked down at his.

"I like you too". Hank let out a slow breath and then attached his lips to yours. Tge kiss was deep and soft. From the looks and personality of Hank you thought he'd be rough but no. He was so gently. Looks can be deceiving.

"Will you, you know"? You blushed as he looked into your eyes, waiting for you to say the words.

"Will I"?

"Will you be my first and show me what love really is"? You whispered softly.

"I will never hurt you". Hank picked you up carefully, you wrapped your arms around his waist as he carried you to his room.

Hank laid you gently on the bed, laying beside you, kissing your lips. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable and sure that this is what you wanted. He never wanted to make you feel unsafe with him.

As the night progressed, Hank showed you what it was like to be loved by someone that actually cared about you. Not just using you. To love and cherish you. To make you feel wanted and the desire that Hank has for you. Something that you've never felt until you are with Hank.

#hank voight imagines #hank voight x reader #hank voight fanfiction #hank voight #hank voight cpd #chicago pd fic #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd #chicago pd drabble #happys crazy queen22

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wienerbarnes · 4 years

Text

Telephone Line

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1,449

Warnings: pretty sad ngl but not angst, mentions of death, mentions of cancer, these warnings sound bad but i promise its just kinda sad lol

A/N: ngl even i dont know where this came from lol but ill prob make a pt 2? if the idea i have strikes enough material for another part. enjoy anyways tho!

MAIN MASTERLIST

A deep orange hue shines through the cracks of his blinds as Bucky looks at the new shiny exterior of his new iPhone. Being too reckless on a mission led him to a cell phone cracked in two, resulting in him having to spend four hours at the Apple store all the way in Manhattan, quite a ways away from his apartment upstate.

Low trumpets flow softly through the speakers of his record player, a bold blue box that Sharon gifted him this year for his birthday. He hums to Marvin Gaye as he goes through the device in front of him, setting up account after account, typing in password after password. Gaye was a few decades after his time, but he won’t let it show in front of Sam how much he enjoys his music.

He downloads the mindless puzzle games he had on his previous phone and is thankful that the contacts that were in his old phone were able to be transferred for him.

He locks the phone and sets it aside before taking out the small sketchbook from the drawer in his desk. He also grabs a pencil from the cup sitting on the corner of the wood and flips his book open to a fresh page. A new hobby Bucky’s picked up since Steve’s passing.

His real passing. Not the one everyone sold to the world in order for him to live the rest of his life in peace in a cabin far away, probably crowded in trees and flowers; perhaps the house is where a rainbow begins or where the sky rains golden droplets. Bucky wouldn’t know, he never visited after seeing Steve as an old man after he returned the stones.

There wasn’t anger; Bucky and Steve spoke about his plans before he left and Bucky was happy for him, he was finally getting the life he deserved after so much time spent doing the “right” thing, and not what he wanted. It was a situation of feeling… weird and awkward around this new Steve. It was a completely different Steve with different experiences, different memories. A family. Kids and grandkids and great-grandkids. Photos probably hung on the walls of the house of people he wouldn’t recognize. He always wondered what happened to him in Steve's timeline. In other words, he wonders if Steve rescued him from Hydra and spared him the eighty years of torture. He wonders if there’s any pictures of him in Steve’s house. For Bucky, it became, “I’ll go visit him another day,” until, well, there weren’t any more chances.

A sketch of what he can remember Times Square to look like from this afternoon appears on the paper. Rough lines shaping out tall buildings and people, small squares to outline the pavement, bigger boxes to indicate the shapes of the numerous cars that filled the area. He reaches for his box of colored pencils in the side-drawer of the desk when the generic ringtone of his new phone belts out loudly.

A number that isn’t saved into his phone appears on the screen. A Brooklyn area code. Maybe all the contacts didn’t transfer themselves.

“Hello,” Bucky answers after swiping his right pointer finger along the slide bar.

A hitch of feminine breath is heard before a few seconds of silence, before the three beeps signaling the caller hung up. Probably an accident.

Bucky goes to pick up his pencil again before the tone is heard once more, the same number on the screen. An eyebrow quirks upwards and he answers the phone again.

“...Hello?” Bucky says once more. Again, he’s met with silence before being hung up on. Maybe not an accident, maybe a prank caller. I’ve had the phone for maybe six minutes and this is already happening.

The same number calls for a third time and Bucky debates even answering this time. He lets it ring three times before answering.

“Hello?” He asks, met with silence. “Listen, I’m not in the mood for prank callers, so if you don’t mind-”

“Who is this?” A quiet feminine voice finally answers through the speaker against his ear.

“Who is- What do you mean who is this? Lady, you called me first!” Bucky responds, already exasperated with the conversation.

“How did you get this phone number?” She asks, voice shakier than the first time she spoke.

“I got a new phone and they gave it to me? How else do you get phone numbers?”

“No, no, no. You don’t understand. This-this is my husband's number. It can’t be your new number!” The woman responds, voice cracking this time.

“Okay, okay, hey, relax. Maybe there was a mistake? Maybe your husband received a different phone number?” Bucky offers, not really wanting to play Tech Support as he draws to wind down his day before dinner.

“No! There wasn’t a mistake, my-my husband is dead! This was his phone number and-and-and I call it everyday once I-I get out of work! How did you get this number, why did they give his away?!” Pants and shaky breaths are heard between almost every other word as you start audibly crying on the phone.

Bucky’s eyes widen, not expecting that explanation. Great, a fruit gave away her husband to me.

“Hey, okay, take a breath.” Bucky suggests, and waits for her breathing to become a little more regular before continuing. “I’m sorry they gave me your husband’s number, it was randomly selected. I mean, I hope it wasn’t the last thing you had of his voice?” Bucky tries to offer.

“Of course it’s not,” You reply, voice sounding calmer now. “I just wasn’t expecting them to give away his number like that, it stayed for a few weeks so I thought,” a humorless chuckle, “I thought they’d let me keep it.”

“I’m really sorry about your husband. I, uh,” Bucky hesitates, questioning if he should be telling this emotionally unstable widow about his personal life, but continues anyway, “I recently lost someone important to me, as well. My best friend.” Bucky confesses, fingers toying with the circular edge of the back of the colored pencil.

A pause, “Can you tell me about him?”

“He, um, was a good guy. Real selfless. He was uh,” Bucky thinks of how to talk about Steve without actually leading to the fact that he’s talking about the former Captain America, “He was a bit older than me, and he passed away from health problems. Heart problems.” Bucky comes up, technically not a lie, his heart did stop when he died.

A small sniffle, “My husband passed away from lung cancer. The doctors told me there was no other hope for him; he needed a machine to help him breathe and a bunch of tubes in him to help him do everything else. So I asked the doctors to just…” You trail off.

A sudden deep sigh escapes her, the raspiness of her voice heard through the speaker and flows into his ear, “Sorry, I probably sound like a crazy person right now, calling her dead husband everyday just to hear his seven second voicemail.” You apologize, another humorless laugh following your words.

“I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re just trying to cope the best way you can. You miss him.” Bucky objects, still toying with the purple colored pencil in his hand.

“Um, yea.” You respond, probably not even expecting Bucky to actually listen to your rambling.

“What’s your name?” You ask.

“James.”

“Of course it is,” You mumble, eyes closing on the other side of the call.

“What was that?”

“I said, of course it is. That was my husband’s name, too.”

A sympathetic smile pulls at his mouth, even though you can’t see it.

“Listen, if you even want to call again, I don’t mind. I can either listen in silence, or we can talk, or, whatever you want. It’s okay.”

“Thanks, James. That’s nice of you.” You say, voice watery, but Bucky doesn’t mention it.

“I’ll, uh, let you go, James. Sorry for any bother.” He can tell you’re struggling to hold back tears with the way your voice is straining.

“No bother at all. Have a good rest of your night, okay?” Bucky bids her, hoping she will, but accepting that there’s a good chance this poor woman will be in tears for the rest of her evening.

“You, too.”

A couple seconds of silence follow before the call ends. Bucky sighs, locking his phone once more. He picks up the pencil in front of him, ignoring the small tremor in his fingers, and presses the pencil to the paper.

He thinks about her for the rest of the night.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #oneshot #bucky x reader

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

Text

Maybe I need to just like. Scream. Loudly. For a few hours.

My concentration is still so bad I'm barely getting anywhere with this same set of nails. Still. I'm trying to keep working on it but my mind is just not doing it because I feel constantly on edge. This is day 3. One set of nails! Jesus they're not that good. I take a long time to do most things but my mind is really just not functioning.

I'm feeling really particularly isolated again. I have nothing to say that might be of interest to anyone else. I dont really even know how to respond to the small amount of interaction I do get. A friend has started being more talkative in our group chat and sent me a message asking for some info on nail art techniques - maybe I'm being self centred but I feel like it could at least partially be an effort to get me talking. If so I appreciate it. But I still dont really have anything to say beyond quick surface responses.

My mum asked if I'm going to see her this weekend. I wouldn't on Sundays because she has a zoom call with relatives I dont want to talk to. It occurred to me that saturday is tomorrow. Part of me wants to go to hers and drink red wine and just connect with someone. The one person who's almost always had my back, or at least has never seriously intentionally opposed me. I want to go see my dog and my kitten and tell her that actually I'm doing pretty bad, I'll probably be divorced by xmas and sometimes I hear things that arent particularly confusing or distressing but they're definitely not real.

But that's not how it works in our dynamic. She had a serious psychotic episode when I was a teenager, and I took care of it all. My younger brother has ongoing psychosis. It's in our family. If I say I hear things she'll only panic. My doctor knows so it's not a secret - if theres one thing I learned from both of their cases, it's not to stay in denial. But theres no point telling her. And the divorce stuff? She'll internalise it. One of her children is dead, one is an ongoing psychiatric case with not much of a future because he's also actually a pretty terrible person, and the last one is me. She feels bad enough because her "marriage failed," which is a weird phrase her generation seem to use. She told me before not to date other people in case it hurts my "marriage." She'll think it's that, and start spiralling about her history with my dad and the one guy she's dated since they divorced. She won't believe me and hb were fine having other relationships and the issues arent to do with that, and I dont have the energy to talk through her stuff again.

Maybe it's getting to me more than I think. It's not like I didnt know this shitstorm was coming. But now it advances. Like I heard the forecast before, but now I can see it on the horizon. Now I have to really truly consider moving out of the house and splitting up the cats and whatever else. Thinking about it, maybe i should talk to my mum. Itll almost definitely be her I move in with if it all goes through. But then maybe I should only talk about it if I'm sure.

I dont know. I'm jealous of everyone with good parental relationships. I still havent even texted my dad for his birthday. I guess I should do that. I kind of miss when all 4 of us go back to my dad's house for drinks, us and my half brother. But that's not going to happen for a long time yet, for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it never will again. I'm catastrophising I guess. But it's hard not to with the current track record. I just feel like there isnt any evidence of positive things. Really, truly. The best thing that's happened to me recently is I sent the rented carpet cleaner off and then saw that my cat did a big healthy shit in the middle of the carpet. I have to be happy about that because it means hes not losing his guts to diarrhea and vomiting like he was before. But I still have to deal with a hygienic nightmare and probably a stressed cat picking up on my mental state. And I still have to gauge the whole situation based on a literal pile of shit.

I feel like thinking positive is just kidding myself and giving into my genetic tendency towards psychosis. If I'm going to convince myself of something that isnt real in order to make myself feel better, why not lose myself in a fantasy entirely? I should just build an entire world where everything is okay and lock myself away in it. Why stop at just telling myself that this one bad thing or another won't happen.

I try my best to stay grounded in reality to avoid ending up in that kind of mental state. But reality is fucking tiring. I know my life isnt the worst in the world by far, I dont mean that. But we're all going through some extra shit these past couple of years. I struggle not to take that on too. Not that it even helps. We had a mass shooting here today and I'm thinking about the people who thought they were safe because they live in England where firearms are extremely rare, the parents of the child who died, the people living in that area who will feel so unsafe now, and all the pro-gun lobbyists in the US who will use this as a reasoning that gun control doesn't work thus keeping millions of other people at risk as long as those laws dont change. But god. I would be dead many times over if guns were as easy to buy here as they are over there.

And then I think about all the people that have been lost to situations like that. I'm multiracial and have family in multiple different places - I was always raised with the idea that you dont stop caring about people just because they're not in the same country as you. And it's true, you shouldnt. But I've internalised a lot of it as fear and sorrow and idk what else. Just bad feelings. Feeling like the world is such a terrible place, that I cant deal with my own suffering, and that if I can't deal with that then what about the people who have it worse? What can I do??

What can I do for anyone when I cant even paint a single set of nails?

I'm sure of all kinds of bad things happening. I dont want to be. Some of them I couldnt prove, so maybe it's just my mind. Many look likely. I dont know how to deal. I am all the worst parts of each of my parents and this is the result. I wish therapy was more of a thing last century. They should never have had kids. My older brother got off easy by dying. Incidentally I have to somehow gather money for his gravestone soon as nobody else in my family ever offered to help my parents with it in all this time and it's only just been put up now when I said I'd help my mum with it. I never even fucking met him. My life is like a bad tv show. Not an interesting one, not a well written drama or tragedy, just bad.

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angstymdzsthoughts · 4 years

Text

Ignorance is a bliss

Imagine if “come to gusu with me” ends up with wwx passed out of exhaustion before he could reject the offer. Lwj did brought him to gusu and under the jurisdiction of the elders, after wwx is nursed back to health, his demonic cultivation must be sealed and he must received say maybe 15 lashes as punishment for straying off the righteous path before were sent to seclusion with lwj so that wwx will finally be ‘cleansed’. Wwx wasnt happy ofc but what he could do with his powers are sealed away? Now , 5 strokes of discipline whip may cause a cultivator bedridden for months, how about to a non cultivator ? It must affect them severely so that is why discipline whip can never be used to a non cultivator. Lwj was forced to a house arrest guarded by three disciples due to him trying to (forcefully) persuade the elders to not hurt wwx. Lwj never thought that the elders were so hell bent on punishing wwx , where he promised wwx that gusu will be his safe haven (oh lwj, ignorance is a bliss).

The elders of Lan assumed that wwx’s core is still intact but maybe diminished due to demotic cultivation. So they still proceeded with the punishment. But halfway through the session, wwx lose consciousness and healers were called to heal him so that they could finish the punishment.However, upon trying to heal him , the healers discovered that wwx does not have a golden core. Lxc was horrified and ultimately barked an order to bring wwx to the sect’s infirmary to put him to rest. Glaring at lqr and the elders , he told them if wwx did not survive the ordeal , they would have become a murderer.

Lwj was devastated on the state wwx in. Wwx had a bad fever due to infection despite how hard the healers were trying to use medication. Bandages were changed thrice a day to ensure the infection does not spread to other parts of body. Wwx never gained consciousness for 3 months. He was delirious in fever as his health rapidly declining over the days. Healers concluded that wwx may not he able to perform his daily routine without help as the whip has cause major backlash on his physical and mental health.

After a discussion, the lans decided to finally informed the jiang sects of the situation wwx was in. JC was on his way when wwx woke up. Wwx was in confusion and struggling to get out of his bed. Lxc and lwj had to restrain him to ensure he doesn’t hurt himself. The last thing wwx remembered that his back and legs were excruciating painful and people in white robes are the cause of it.Paranoia settles in him causing wwx to be on alert every second and never utter a single word after waking up, not even to lwj. For wwx, lwj has brought him to gusu because he hated wwx so much that he let those people hurt him. He was betrayed.

Although he was reluctant at first, he forced himself to eat to regained his strength and escape this hell. When the jc arrives at gusu with a group of disciples , lxc and the elders met them at the entrance leaving lwj and wwx alone at the room. Wwx for the first time spoke to lwj, requesting for a new change of robe. “I just dont want anyone to see me in this dirty robe” . Lwj acquiesced.

When lwj came back with new set of fresh robes and a basin of hot water , wwx was gone. Due to the envoy from Jiang sect , the entrance was not guarded as usual and wwx miraculously managed to flee gusu. Wwx put his guard up even he has successfully escape and ran to the most secluded part of Caiyi town. After resting for few hours and after the adrenaline was gone ,wwx realised that he was severely injured and crippled. His left leg cannot be bend without causing painful jolt like feeling. Him running all the way from gusu to caiyi with a bleeding back and hurting leg was indeed a miracle. Now , if walking was painful , then running was courting death. With careful planning using his survival skills and experience , wwx continues his painstaking slow journey and enters a forest , opposite direction of gusu and lotus pier. Wwx was last seen by a fruit vendor of Caiyi Town ; limping away without a trace.

Lwj without a doubt used an inquiry to find wwx , but wwx was an ambitious lad. Wwx somehow managed to create a talisman that can hide his presence even to spirits. Jc has issued posters all over the place , in hopes that someone might give an intel for him to find his brother but to no avail , no one has a clue of where wwx has been gone to. Wwx - like a ghost , has disappeared . JYL and JXZ was also at deeps end, unable to trace her missing brother. Other major sects also keep an eye for wwx, though the Lan clan has claimed that wwx’s demonic cultivation was sealed and was severly injured, who knows what can that young man do ?

Timeskip to 13 years later, JL LJY and LSZ (assuming that the siege never happened, but lwj adopted a-yuan as per requested by wq and wn to ensure he was raised at a proper & healthy background and the wen remnants survived and disperse for safety) was attacked at goddess temple only to be saved by a mystery crippled guy with mask (JL: a non cultivator nonetheless!) (LJY: what an amazing talent ! Only using talisman to beat the statue!). The teenagers were awestruck with the masked man’s skill, that they wanted to thanked him with a meal and few drinks but was rejected and the man leaves.

JL who never accepts no for an answers suggest to secretly follows the man so that they can send drinks or some offering for him to his house instead. Ljy and Lsz tagged along as they were curious of their saviour after all. A non cultivator cannot detect presence like a cultivator do, so the man was unaware that he was tailed. Upon arriving an old shack with a small potato farm , the man limped and sat with a grunt. Taking off his mask , he took a bottle of water and consumed a few concoction of medicine before coughing. The teenagers was surprised on the living condition of their saviour. JL however upon seeing the face of the man, went wide eyes.

“That man, he was in the poster my jiujiu used to issue around LP . My A-niang talks about him a lot,” looking over his other two confused companions. “I can never forget that face. The face that always make my mother cry upon looking at his picture and frown at his name. He is my missing big uncle , Wei Wuxian of Jiang Sect.”

“Ah i heard about him. Apparently our Elders punished him until he was missing his golden core , i think? Or is it the other way around?” Ljy spoke. “But i think the limping was the consequences from our Sects’ punishment. That time , Lan sect and Jiang Sect almost broke the treaty. I heard Madame Jiang managed to convinced your uncle to stop”.

They saw the man plowing a part of his potato field ,who occasionally stopped due to his heavy cough and resume his work. “Wwx , he is the person my father has been looking for the past 13 years. I need to let him know” Lsz finally spoke, smiling.

“Oh my potatoes , I hope you grew up fat and yummy for this master over here! I need more money , or i wont be able to buy medicine. You dont want me to die yet are you~” sang wwx. The 3 looked at each other and finally decides to leave for their respective inn, bringing a joyous news for their leaders.

Next day, both JC and lwj accompanied by the 3 went to wwx’s house. Both heartbroken on the state of the old shack . Knocking the wooden door and clearly listening on the voice mumbling from inside “who the hell would come here early in the morning at middle of a forest”, jc and lwj was shocked on the physical appearance of their missing person. Sunken cheeks and dark eyes as indication of fatigue , limping , voice hoarse from sickness and the obvious whipping scars marring from behind his neck to under the ragged clothes , jc couldnt help but to greet wwx with a hug , holding him so gentle in fear that wwx would break with the slightest of strength. Wwx frozen in shock couldnt hug back but made eye contact with lwj. “Weiying, please forgive me that I couldn’t protect you. I am very sorry.” After 13 years of internal pain and agony , wwx for the first time shed his tears . “I forgive you , so you all should leave me alone. I am a burden. Im no longer a cultivator , but a crippled man with not much time to left. I am nothing but a burden. Please” sobbed wwx.

“Idiot. Give us a chance to take care of you. A-jie misses you so much, every day and night. You haven’t met your nephew , Jing Ling . Don’t you want to eat her soup? And about your health, i can call WenQing to help you. She is still the best doctor alive. Come back with us , okay ? And no one will hurt you. “ jc.

Wwx was shocked to hear wq was still alive and her name was spoken by jc without an ounce of hatred. What have been happening for the past few years he have been isolating himself ? With shaking hands , he grabbed jc’s robe and nodded. He made another eye contact with lwj and could see how sincere he is from his eyes. Maybe , all this time , the fact that lwj hates me and sending me to my demise was all a misunderstanding?

“I am no more a cultivator.”

“It’s fine , WeiYing”

“I cannot contribute to Jiang sect anymore.”

“Who cares about that, idiot?”

“I’m going to be a burden !!! I cant even walk properly. My health is deteriorating”

“WeiYing, if tired , I can carry. Let me take care of you when sick”

“Lan Zhan, i dont want to go to gusu”

“We can go anywhere other than Gusu.”

“I wont let you take a single step to that damn place , no offence Second Young master Lan”

“None taken.”

———

(Alternate ending)

Wwx was still unconscious and attacked by a high fever due to infection in his wound. Numerous method has been used to mitigate the after effect of the whip , but to no avail. Infection starts to spread to his legs, and wwx was delirious and moaning in his sleep due to pain. The severity of the wound caused both of his legs to sepsis and the healers has no other way than to amputate the legs to make sure that the infection will not spread internally.

After the surgery of removing wwx’s legs , the infection are able to be minimised but still needs to be monitored. Still, wwx has no signs of waking up. Lwj was loyal to his side , taking care of changing the bandages . Every night , lwj had a nightmare of the reaction of wwx waking up with no legs . One particular nightmare that haunts him the most is weiying took out his own life out of despair. Lwj couldnt sleep for two nights watching over wwx after that nightmare occurs.

After 6 days, lqr visited the room and berates lwj for neglecting his duty as a student of Lan sect. Lwj angrily talks back, and was taken to kneel in the hall for one day. When he came back , no one was watching wwx. He came back with pure silence from wwx .Where there should a ragged breathing from wwx , it was only silence. Wwx’s usually pale lips was ashen. Bandaged chest that should be heaving was still. Wwx finally succumbed to his injuries after 11 days of fighting and lwj (again) was not by his side. His sect (again) are the cause of pain for his beloved ones and has taken everything from him.

—-

Wow took this one hour and a half. This is my second time posting here. 😋 enjoy?

-b

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waejinyoung · 4 years

Text

Can’t Swim - EP . 6

word count: 4.8k+

a/n: dont hate me pls, i swear Jinyoung is okay... kinda. yall gonna hate me for this ending too

warning: swearing, hospital setting, mentioning of injuries

EP . 1 , EP . 2 , EP . 3 , EP . 4 , EP . 5 , EP . 6 , EP .7 , EP . 8 , EP . 9

The day started well but it didn’t last long. The call from Jooheon led the day to plummet into a shit hole. The eco hotel was now under your guys’ belt but Jinyoung was now a patient in the local hospital. Shit really hit the fan.

Monday Afternoon

You had rushed back into the meeting room and said your apologies to both Beck and Mr Chan. You were sure this was a good enough reason to rush out of an important meeting like this one. You took note to let them both know the reason why you had to leave once things had died down.

Now you were at the hospital outside of Jinyoung’s room waiting for the doctor to come out. What could have gone wrong for him to be hospitalised?

“Miss?” The doctor left Jinyoung’s room and saw your concerned frame.

“Yes. Is Jinyoung okay?”

“His condition is currently stable. We are running some scans to check his condition. We’ll be able to comment in better detail once the results are out.”

“What did he come to the hospital with?” She looked up at you after rereading Jinyoung’s record.

“It looks like he was strangled. He also seemed to have taken a great impact in his right eye, he mentioned momentarily not seeing hence why we need to run some things.”

“Doc, you’re telling me he was strangled and punched.”

“Not punched. He was strangled up against a wall to the point where he passed out. The suspect left him to drop causing the patient’s eye to collide with a surface.” You understood the collision analysis. It was possible to hit something when falling in the leisure centre. Stairs, fencing, shower steps, (etc).

“And have the authorities found out who did it?”

“A male by the name of Max Poach. He had some minor scratches, most likely by Mr Park whilst trying to resist the strangling although I can’t confirm. He’s in a check-up room near reception for your interest.” Your face dropped. He took it this far…

With that the doctor went back to doing her rounds leaving you to process all of what you just heard. Max left Jinyoung there passed out? He took whatever it he was building up inside, all the rage and anger and acted so viciously all for what? You didn’t even know if you could step inside Jinyoung’s room. Whilst you were debating with your head in your knees on your seat you heard a load of rushing footsteps coming your way. You couldn’t even bother lifting your head up to see who they were. They stopped in front of you before entering the room. Who did you have to confront?

“Y/N?” Sounds like Mark.

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fucking fault.” Mark looked at Jaebeom who was beside him. The rest stayed at JYP to continue with their company meeting. If it was a serious case under their judgement they decided they would call the rest to come.

“How is he?” You picked up on Jaebeom’s presence too.

“I just came.. I-I don’t…” You started sobbing. You couldn’t bring yourself to enter the room. You didn’t want to see the damage done to someone you… you didn’t even know… did you love him?

“Shhh… Y/N. None of this is your fau-“ Mark tried to calm you down but you predicted this phrase to escape his mouth.

“It is Mark. These two know of each other because of me. They had a serious fight because of me. If I was just there today… may-maybe just maybe I could have stopped it.”

“You weren’t teaching today?” Jaebeom was confused.

“I-I had a meeting with that important client I men-mentioned last time we met. Usually when I don’t come to lessons, Max takes over. Jooheon, my boss, rang to say everything was fine but it’s not f-fine.” You were practically crying at this rate. You couldn’t believe things had gone too far. You imagine what sort of hopeless situation Jinyoung must have been in. Strangled and left passed out. It just triggered you to cry more.

“Y/N. Me and Jaebeom are going to go inside. You can join us soon once you’ve calmed down and ready, okay?” Mark kneeled down to your level and made sure to make eye contact, you looked up at both of them and gave them a slight nod.

“Just knock and we’ll be there. Don’t worry. We’ll get through this Y/N.” Jaebeom patted your head as they passed you and entered the room.

THIRD PERSON POV

Mark and Jaebeom entered the room slowly just in case Jinyoung was asleep resting. This wasn’t the case. Jinyoung was up and turned his head slowly towards his members.

He had bandaging wrapped around his neck restraining him from any sudden movements. Packed cushioning on his right eye held by some more bandaging. The colour from his face had drained. He was already pale but now he was just like a sheet of paper. He looked ill. The life out of him sucked out. What the fuck had Max done…

“Before you ask, yes she’s here. She’s trying to muster up the courage to come in. She’ll be here once she’s ready.” Max beat Jinyoung to his question.

“I don’t blame her. Look at me.” Jinyoung signalled at his battered state.

“We all know you could have retaliated but it’s too risky. You have a lot on the line. The group being one of them so thank you.” Jaebeom grabbed a chair and sat near Jinyoung.

“Next time beat the shit out of him though. You have our permission. I don’t care what we have to go through to clear your name. You’re still human at the end of the day, you don’t deserve to be treated like this.” Mark bursted in anger. His duality would scare anyone. He entered calm and composed only to set alight as soon as he spoke. He wasn’t having it.

“Will there even be a n-next time? He was caught on camera. I overheard the d-doctors talking about officers b-beside him throughout his check-up.” Jinyoung spoke. His voice sounded groggy.

“He’ll probably just be charged or some sort of warning. He’ll probably be sacked too, he works with people, I’m sure the centre won’t let him continue.” Jaebeom gathered.

“This guy must be a maniac. He just ruined his life over a female. I know you have an interest in her, but you need to think for yourself before anyone else.” Mark clarified. He didn’t get why someone would resort to violence without trying to sort out the situation like civil people. Similar to Y/N’s thought.

“She must be so conflicted.” Jinyoung struggled to voice his opinion. It hurt for him to speak. He just hoped his vocal cords weren’t damaged, nothing permanent at least. Doc said she’d clarify him of the results to confirm any damage, aware of his profession. Singing is his life; He wasn’t going to lose his pride possession that easily.

“If she comes, can you guys give us some time?” The other two nodded.

“Your life was on the line yet you’re here thinking about her. You’re not just interested bro, you’re whipped.” Jaebeom gave a sneaky smirk trying to lighten the mood up. Jinyoung’s expression changed showing some form of life; He smiled knowing what Jaebeom had said was right.

“What did the doctor say?” Mark was still really concerned.

“V-vocal cords. She’s checking them.”

“Fuck my life. It’s that bad. Should I ring the others to come?”

Jinyoung waved his hands no, “I-I don’t want to handle questions. I-I can barely speak.”

Suddenly the 3 guys turned their heads due to a click near the door. Y/N had built up courage to check Jinyoung’s condition. She had enough of imagining and just wanted to know how bad he was.

Y/N’S POV

You took a deep breath in. You could do this. You would have to see him at one point anyways so just do it now instead of eating away on your own sanity. With that, you got a good grip of the door handle and pushed the door open.

“… I-I can barely speak.” You heard the ending of a sentence by a croaky voice. It started to settle in even more how bad Jinyoung’s condition was.

You could only see the edge of Jinyoung’s bed when you entered but you made instant eye contact with Mark. He gave you a reassuring smile which prompted you to walk in a little further.

“We’ll be outside.” Mark signalled his head towards the door to Jaebeom. Jaebeom got the idea of who had entered the room.

The two walked past you. Jaebeom gave you a brotherly pat on the shoulder as they left. You could do this.

You took small steps to the corner that would reveal Jinyoung fully. You revealed your head around the corner to see Jinyoung laying there but you couldn’t handle the site. You retracted back to hiding. You were going to converse from here if you had to.

“Does it hurt?” You didn’t even know what to say.

“No.” Jinyoung was trying he best not to sound hurt so you didn’t feel any form of guilt.

“Liar.” But you were too smart.

“A little.”

“Hmm… I’ll save you the talk then. I know how much I’ve apologised to you since we’ve met, and you’ve mentioned how you don’t want me to apologise for others’ actions. B-but Jinyoung I’m so sorry.” You crouched down with your back against the wall. Jinyoung could hear your sobbing.

“I’m so so sorry. I’m s-sorry I didn’t tell you I-I wouldn’t be in today. I should have got in contact.” You had lost it again.

Jinyoung couldn’t handle not being able to hug you in his embrace. He didn’t like how hopeless he was in his hospital bed. He wanted to shh you and tell you to not apologise. He wanted to tell you what was on his mind, but his body wouldn’t allow it.

“Y-Y/N.” Jinyoung heard your sobs hold back when you heard your name.

You looked up as he called your name. It reminded you of when he called your name for the first time. You liked the sound of your name when he said it.

“Hmm.” You hummed in response.

“C-come here.”

You were hesitant but it wasn’t the best thing to not listen to Jinyoung right now. You got back onto your feet and peaked at Jinyoung around the corner again. He was directly looking at where you would show up. You weren’t able to make eye contact with him as you walked to the seat Jaebeom had pulled to Jinyoung’s bed. Your eyes were glued to the floor.

“L-look at me Y/N.” You knew the reason why his sentences were more demanding. He could barely speak so he kept it short. You looked up at the one eye that wasn’t covered. He met your watery eyes. He wouldn’t think to see you crying again after the day you stepped between him and Max. He made a promise to himself to make you smile no matter the situation.

“I-I’ll definitely be drowning now, won’t I?” You couldn’t believe he was making a swimming joke at this moment. You let out a chuckle more because you were shocked at this comment.

“Seriously… you’re making a joke at this point of your life.”

“It’s p-perfect timing. I get to see you smile; it suits you... to smile.” His comment towards your smile made you smile even more.

“It suits you too… to smile.” You took a hold of his hand and rubbed your thumb against his knuckles. You let out another chuckle because of the size difference between your hands.

“What?”

“I understand why people say I have small hands.” You lined up your hand and Jinyoung’s hand together and showed him the big difference. He smiled at your innocence and purity.

“You know what they say about big hands.” You mouth fell agape. Was he making dirty jokes in this current situation as well?

“I thought Jaehyun was bad.” He chuckled but it hurt for it to last long. He winced at the pain.

“You good? Should I call a nurse?” Jinyoung waved you no.

“It’s expected. Waiting for results now.” You nodded wishing that the results would be out at this very moment.

“I’ll ask what happened between you two when you’re better. I don’t want to cause even more damage to what has already been done.”

He gave you that gaze again. Taking responsibility for others’ actions. He hated it.

The door opened and the doctor from earlier walked back in.

“Hello Mr Park. Feeling any better?”

“Barely.” You looked back down again, eyes glued on the floor.

“Results are not out yet. I was going to check if you could consume food or if we’ll need to feed you through a syringe. I’ve bought some soup from the cafeteria. Miss can help you to see if you can eat.” You looked up at the tray in the doctor’s hand and took it from her. You gave her a nod.

“I’ll let you know if he’s able to eat the soup. I’ll press the buzzer to have you notified.”

“Great. I wish you a quick recovery Mr Park.”

The doctor left the room. Jinyoung didn’t have a ‘time to drink soup’ face on but you were going to convince him no matter what.

“Don’t even think of not having this soup. I’ll try my best not to mum you, but you heard the doc.”

“Mum me… I-I don’t mind.” You scooped a spoon full of the soup and blew a little on it (not advised during the periods of COVID-19, take care of yourselves).

“Open up. Try your best.” He swallowed the soup and his arm gripped your arm due to the pain. The instant reflex caught you off guard and you felt sorry for the pain he was feeling.

“Doable?”

You looked up at his one eye ready with another scoop. He nodded wanting to try once more. Yet again he winced in pain with the same reflex.

“Syringe?” He nodded again. You pressed the buzzer on the wall and the doctor was back again soon after.

“I don’t think Mr Park will get through a bowl of soup without a lot of pain. I think the syringe will be better.” The doctor took note on Jinyoung’s record and called in a nurse about the syringe hours.

“Thanks doctor.” You liked the kind and keen approach she had towards her job.

“It’s our job Miss.” The doctor then left the room.

You looked back at Jinyoung only to see him staring right through you. He wanted to ask you why you weren’t in and luckily you owed him an explanation.

“I wasn’t in for the lesson because I had a project meeting with the hotel client I mentioned on Friday. Whenever I’m not in lessons, Max covers for me since he’s the only teacher free during that period. I gave Jooheon a ring and he told me not to worry and just concentrate on the meeting. I was going to tell you prior to the lesson but I had so much to do over the weekend for this meeting that it went over my head. I’m so- “

“Don’t.” You stopped in your tracks. Right don’t apologise for everything.

“How d-did it go?”

“It went really well. He mentioned the…” You trailed off having realised that you had completely forgotten about the news that was published across all platforms.

“The news?” So, he was aware?

“To our luck he actually seemed fond of the news. He even bought flowers as a congratulations gift which was a little odd. I did break it to him what the actual truth was, but he was happy regardless. We swiftly moved onto the project and he was really happy with the outcome. The hotel will be built for 2022 and construction starts really soon.”

He felt like a proud mum. He wished he could go on and on about how proud he was of your achievement, but his current state wouldn’t allow him.

“I-I’m sorry for the n-news.” This was different, he was the one apologising this time.

“I would say that it’s fine, but I have to be honest it’s not. My phone has been going off since the meeting from random numbers and my company entrance was filled with paparazzi right before the meeting. I haven’t got back to my friends or family because god knows where to start.”

“My manager will h-handle it. Y-you shouldn’t have to go through this c-crap.” You guessed that the news will be taken down or some sort of announcement will be made by his side to clear it up.

“That’s good to know. I’m going to give the meeting holders a quick ring, I left abruptly after hearing Jooheon over the phone. Give me a second.”

You got off from the chair and gave Beck a ring whilst gazing out the window. This was so hectic.

“Hey Y/N, is everything okay?” Beck sounded so worried on the other end of the line.

“Hi Beck, you’re going to have to go alone with Mr Chan. I won’t be able to make it. Let him know that I’ll make it up to him but I’m at an emergency situation right now. I’ll talk to you later too. I owe you one.”

“Understood. Don’t drain yourself out with whatever it is. Me and Mr Chan will be fine. We seem to have caught him on a happy day anyways, don’t worry.” You knew you could always count on Beck.

“That’s great. Make sure to forward him my apologies. Have fun.” You hung up the phone and returned back to Jinyoung’s side.

“You should g-go.” Jinyoung spoke up.

“You want me to go to a meal knowing that you’re being fed through a needle looking out the window with only one eye. I don’t think so Jinyoung.” It was unfortunately the bitter truth. He read your face well and you weren’t up for listening to him right now.

For the rest of that day you were with Jinyoung. Every time the nurses would come to change his bandaging you’d have to step out. You couldn’t bear to look at what Max had done to Jinyoung. You’d always ask the nurses as they left if there were any signs of healing, but they’d just say it’s too early to tell. Later on, in the evening the rest of the guys came by and stayed with Jinyoung. You would also leave then, to give them time to have their talks.

Monday Evening

“Y/N, I’m sure Jinyoung wouldn’t like to see you slaving away in the corridors of a hospital. Why don’t you head home and rest up? You can come back in the morning to check up on him.” Mark stepped out of the room and started to get worried at how long you hadn’t eaten and gotten some rest.

“Mark, I’m really not in the mood. I’ll just end up procrastinating at home and get even more worried. Sleep definitely won’t be visiting me tonight if anyhwere but at this hospital.” Mark shook his head, understanding where you were coming from.

“I’m going to stay over the night. You guys can all go. He’s in good hands. Here’s my number. You can contact me if anything’s up and I’ll make sure to pick up.” You handed over your business card which had your contact details on it to Mark.

“We’ll be leaving in 5. Make sure to get some rest too. I don’t want another casualty in our hands.” He smiled trying to make you feel better.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of both of us.”

Like Mark had said, 5 minutes later the boys departed from the hospital informing you to get in contact with them if anything in the slightest happens. You said your goodbyes and they were off. You returned back into Jinyoung’s room to see his eyes shut.

Hes had a rough day. A really rough day. It’s weird how both of your days started of normal only to stoop to a miserable level. It’s expected for him to be tired. Now was the time for him to get some rest in order to recover. You just hoped that no permanent damage was done, or you won’t be able to forgive yourself until the day you die. You were willing to be by his side until he was fully recovered. Stay beside him and even have him in your own home so you can nurse him easily. You could hear his light snoozing as he drifted into a deeper sleep.

The nurse came in to check everything for the evening. She noticed the patient asleep so toned down her voice.

“Miss, would you like us bring in a portable guest bed?”

“If it won’t cause much hassle and noise, then that would be great. Thank you.” The nurse smiled and left the room to bring you your bed.

…

Your bed arrived with its sheets and a plump pillow on top. The hospital even had some pyjamas laid out on the bed for you to change into. You used the on suite bathroom to change into the pjs. You had taken off your makeup with the cleansing wipes you always carried with you and sat on the bed.

You couldn’t take your eyes off Jinyoung. The poor man went through such a traumatic day with you being the cause of it all. You slowly got off the bed avoiding any creaky noises from the springs and kneeled down, so you were level with Jinyoung’s face. You brushed the strands of hair that were covering his face to aside. He looked effortless even in this state. Not many could achieve. You lighted stroked his cheek feeling his warm skin which had gained more colour compared to what it looked like at first. His calm sleep self gave you so much to look at. His perfect proportions, short but cute eyelashes, noticeably larger but cute ears and his lips. Oh, how much you wanted them to make contact with yours again, just like they did in the sand that day. You were sure he felt the same, there was no denying.

JINYOUNG’S POV

You were sure she thought you were sleep. Her presence was near enough for you to guess the difference between you two. 10cms apart from someone you gave so much care about. 10cms away from someone you were sure you could say, you loved. No matter how early it may be, you knew from the start that she was the one. You were just too hesitant on things moving quickly. This injury being one factor that’ll definitely be slowing down anything from progressing quickly, deterred you from that happening.

You really wanted to open your eyes. To look into the deep world that her eyes held and be her guardian angel. To tell her how much she’s been on your mind since the first encounter. Whilst you were running through the things you wanted to say to Y/N, you felt a gentle peck against your cheek and a whisper.

“What have you done to me silent parrot? Goodnight.”

Silent parrot? You guess that’s something you’ll need to question Y/N on once you’re more able to talk. With that, you sensed Y/N snuggle into her bed and you decided to do the same. Lots of sleep is going to be needed in order to recover from all the injuries.

Tuesday Morning

You were an early bird. Having the nurses change your syringe and bandaging every so often didn’t exactly help with a consistent sleep. Every night visit by the nurses you’d make sure to ask them to be really silent, so Y/N didn’t wake up.

The clock across you struck 7 am but you didn’t care what the time was because you had a little lamb beside you still fast asleep. She looked so cute. You noticed how true she was about her hands too. They looked tiny as they laid on the pillow next to her face. She was snuggled, hugging her duvet like it was a snuggly toy.

The sun started to peak through the blinds and hit Y/N directly in the face. She should wake up soon, you thought.

Y/N’S POV

You woke up to a small heat against your face and a lightened environment. It was now morning. You rubbed your eyes and slowly opened them. You checked over at the side table and grabbed your glasses to clearly see Jinyoung. He was wide awake.

“G-good morning.” There was a little more life in his voice but still groggy.

“Good morning, did you get some sleep? How do you feel?” You sat up with your legs crossed under the duvet.

“In small dosages, yes. I-I feel a b-bit more rested.” You shot him a smile and got up from your bed due to a knock at the door. Considering it wasn’t a doctor since they didn’t just come in you guessed it was a visitor of some sorts.

“I’ll get it.” You told Jinyoung and opened the door. Jinyoung was able to hear who you were talking to.

“Oh. Hi Mona, I’m guessing Beck sent you with all the things I asked for.”

“Yes Miss. I have your workwear in here and a light breakfast too. I’ve parked your car downstairs so you can get to work with no hassle. If that’s all, I’ll be off.”

You ruffled her hair for being so formal even though you knew each other for the past 4 years, “Stop being so formal. I know you’re my assistant and all but you’re also my friend. If there isn’t much work for you today why don’t you hang around and we can go to work together?”

“I’d love to Miss- “

You chuckled, “Stop with the Miss.”

“Fine. Mr Longing had some tasks planned for me to do when I got back and apparently they are urgent, so I’ll have to decline Y/N. Maybe another time.”

“Bummer. Alright, thank you for helping out. We can have a meal another time. I should be at the company before midday.”

“See you Y/N.” You waved Mona goodbye and headed back into the room. Jinyoung almost had a sulking face on and you never knew you needed to see him pouting in your entire life.

“Are you sulking… by any chance?” You stood at the end of Jinyoung’s bed and looked at his facial expression.

“No.” As he declined your outrageous question, he crossed his arms and looked away from you. You were dealing with grown baby.

“Could it possibly be because I need to head to work?”

“Hmph.” He kept his arms crossed. You didn’t know you’d see him in this way in your life.

If he was playing baby, let’s see what he felt when you told him, “I never really liked guys who sulked.” You weren’t being serious, but you just really wanted to get a reaction out of him.

He uncrossed his arms immediately, “I wasn’t sulking. I was just…”.

“Just?” You got him on edge, and it was funny to see you mostly in control of a situation this time round. He’d usually be the one with the upper hand but not this time. Still no answer.

“Cat caught your tongue Park?” You were having way too much fun.

“Damn. You really don’t like guys who sulk?” You couldn’t hold in the truth any longer.

“I don’t mind Jinyoung. I’m just playing with you.” You chuckled at his defeat.

“Phew. Back to what I was doing,” He crossed his arms again and faced away from you, “Don’t go.”

You couldn’t believe your eyes. He just switched back into a baby in milliseconds.

“No wonder why you’re an actor. Acting… shit. What’s going to happen with the drama?” It sunk to you how many things this situation has affected.

“P-postponed.” You felt shit again. He stopped with the sulking at this point and realised your drop in energy.

“Don’t worry about it Y/N. Things will be b-back to normal soon-“

Before Jinyoung could finish his words, his doctor rushed into the room. She seemed like she was out of breath. You looked at Jinyoung and you both eyed the doctor waiting for her to explain her rush.

“Sorry for…the sudden entrance. The… results-“ She was really longing out the news. Was it bad? Was it good? You couldn’t handle her short pauses.

“Can you just say it?”

“Yes… Miss. There’s good and bad news.” You looked at Jinyoung and his face was definitely different to how he was a minute ago. No longer a child but an adult.

“D-doc. Bad n-news first.”

“Mr Park… your vocal cords…” The doctor was also aware of how much Jinyoung’s vocal cords meant.

“Say it, Doc.” Jinyoung couldn’t take it anymore either.

“You won’t be able to sing...”

---

I can already hear all of you hating me for this ending too. I feel so evil. I was planning on continuing but I wanted to be a tease again. You’ll have to be back for the next episode to find out the good news. I wanted to say whilst writing this episode half of the time I was in delulu land. I felt sad having Jinyoung in such a vulnerable situation and thought what it would be like looking after him. I have left that land though, much healthier not thinking delulu.

I hope you guys enjoyed!

writer-nim x

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and-the-world-is-quiet-here · 4 years

Text

Live 2020 debate commentary from a salty, disabled, and VERY pissed gen Z

Yall he just said he’s immune

My dad just left the room

Bitch are u saying Johnson and Johnson is going to make the vaccine?

sir that’s the diaper company…..smh

Biden just said its going to be a dark winter

#winter is coming

“virus.....that came from china” -trump 2020

“were learning to live with it”-trump 2020

apparently “Biden lives in his basement”-your president 2020

totally accurate.....obviously

ohhhh biden just said were learning to die with it

trump interrupted biden

Mam I thought you said you were muting them?

biden laugh count at 3

he all about the once percent till its the dead ones

trump interrupting at 3...nvm its now 4

this debate is making my dog sad

interrupting now at 5 for trump

trump saying his young sons illness just “went away”

bitch he’s may age and no it did not just “go away”

he was in quarantine for two weeks

apparently nyc is a ghost town

its not a ghost town trump I live right next to it

loudest neighbors ever

trump don’t call him Anthony

his name is DOCTOR Fauci

treat him with the respect he deserves

Biden looks so sad

nvm he legit looks like the joker right now

HALFWAY MARKKK

why is this at 9?

sir its a school night

I need time to scroll through my feed for hours before collapsing

Biden don’t use the word sovereignty

trump doesn't know what it means

thats discrimination against trumps

ohhh hes attacking hunter (biden) again

so he has a wee drug problem?

at this point everyone got one!

your the one making lewd comments about your infant daughter on national tv

(look it up he talks about his 6 month old daughters legs but and breasts)

get him big b!!

h876689908776- my dog 2020

he wants to express his disappointment

the light boxs is stealing his mother attention

ohh hes being rude to the moderator again

u a strong independent Indian woman get him girll!

mute his mike

prty plz

I am dissapionted in you

he’s saying he’s not allowed to release his taxs

(that is a proven lie)

“i was put through a phony witch hunt”- you'll never guess 2020

hes going after his BROTHER now

how is this allowed?

who decided trumps strategy would be to accuse his opponent of his own crimes?

look at the insults guys its a crystal ball

stay ahead of the scandal's

WILL YOU LEAVE HIS SON ALONE PLEASE

THESE ARE HIS CHILDREN LEAVE THEM ALONE

“i was a business man doing business”-trump 2020

no sir you were another rich white guy taking advantage of tax brakes and cheap foreign labor in asia

#american jobs as long as i don’t have to pay minimum wage

#you know like a DECENT FUCKING PERSON

Trump interrupted again

I lost count a while ago

Biden is staring into my soul

oh Biden just played the middle class childhood card

I haven't heard a single mute so far?

trump just said his bromance with kim jung un saved america from nuclear war

dont through my boy Obama under the bus

and another interruption

my big bro just screamed “MUTE BUTTON MUTE BUTTON MUTE BUTTON”

honestly same

10 more min guys

hang in there

OHHH trump just got MUTEDDDDDD

Biden is now on legitimate policy

ahhh hes proud of his plan

annd trump just interrupted

trump just kissed up to the moderator

trump just said biden’s more liberal than bernie

ohhh

biden just said trump dosent know who hes running against

hes like “this is joe biden”

like I know bro but slick burn anyway

ohhh they muted trump again!!!!

perfect opportunity to mute missed

trump just blamed healthcare issues on nancy peloski

biden says the the republicans wont pass it

(btw hes actualy right)

2 mins left

and trump is speaking through it

1 min left

omg what a waste of air

I really want him to test his “immunity”

preferably during a harsh winter

ITS TEN GUYSSS

there running over

they still haven't covered immigration

shit

I have just learned there is 30 min left

I think I would rather kill myself than watch the rest of this

I’m seriously have a sensory overload right now

I’m doing this for u

“children are brought here by coyotes”-presedentail cown 2020

what a wack ass sentence

hes like ohIi haven't been putting kids in cages

and then just went but I didn't build them they were built in 2014

(contradiction much)

“who built the cages”

yes it was Obama but guess what

THEY WERNT BUILT FOR KIDS

there ment to house animals, evidence, and adult prisoners in emergency situations

THEY WERNT MENT FOR 3 YEAR OLDS

Biden was just like “well no actually kids come with PARENTS”

(kids hardly ever come over with out parents)

and then he was like and also WHO LOST TRACK OF OVER 1,000 PARENTS

(thats 500+ new orphans at the least)

hes saying only the illegal immigrants with the lowest IQs come back after being deported

we said the same thing in december about you but ya’know

my mum was like “anyone eating chocolate” and I was like “im snaking on this ignorance” and she was like “dont do that you'll get indigestion”

“no one has done more for the black community then Donald trump except for maybe Abraham Lincoln”

oh yeah Biden just brought up how trump publicly campaigned for the execution of the central park 5

WHO WERE CHILDREN

AND OH YEAH THEY WERE COMPLETELY INNOCENT

trump just yelled at Biden, got muted, and just yelled louder

trump just said he cant see the audience but hes the least racist person in the room

“Abraham lincoln here is one of the most racist presidents in american history”- biden 2020

biden just went “oh god”

he just said that he used to not support the blm movement because they chanted rude things about police officers

I would like to reiterate that “pigs in a blanket” has never been chanted in a protest or been a prominent statement in the blm movement nor “fry em like bacon” so what trump is saying is factually incorrect

unless hes on some sort of far right conservative twitter feed were he came across a video of some drunk white college kids chanting it

but you know what ever fits you narrative

plus I would be pretty pissed if I kept getting shot at for no reason so....

Biden making more logical decisions

trump was like why have you never done all this stuff when you were vice president

“we had a republican congress” -biden 2020

we have the cleanest air

we have the cleanest crystal clear water

sir, i know you've been to mexico

don’t lie

the waters gorges down there

and not owned by your smug ass

trump just called china filthy

so you know....

*whispers* racism

ok 5 min left

for real this time

trump just went “aoc plus 3: and then hes like she knows nothing about the climate

ummm.... you dont even believe in climate change

bidens like “are....is...is is”

good for you

correcting your grammar

trump just said “the wind kills all the birds” out of the godamn blue

(he means wind mills and its untrue)

“Whats the next question baba”

“the final question is leadership which he doesnt have”- baba 2020

I feel bad for anybody watching this on the toilet

bidens starring into your soul

he knows what your doing

there officially overtime

its 10 33

they haven't even done the last section yet

btw ITS A SCHOOL NIGHT

why do they host these so late

I should be pretending to be asleep right now

this is generational discrimination

plus trumps supporters are so old there asleep by now

ohhhh its over

1036 final time

okay so thoughts....I generally dont like the party system i think its ridiculous the system was not designed for it, and its now more about loyalty then the actual candidates. I also am really hesitant to put another strait white male in the oval office, especially one thats from “the lucky few” I.E. the smallest voting generation in the country and also the one that already holds the most positions. That being said, at this point its really anyone but trump and I think bidens got the experience to turn things around.

I AM IN SCHOOL I CANNOT VOTE. I am relying on all my older friends, followers, neighbors, and community members. To make an educated decision that wont further degrade the once hopeful future my generation awaits. Please if you can vote VOTE the kids are relying on you!

P.S. sorry i wasn't able to edit this earlier i struggle alot with spelling and didnt have the time to edit this because I HAD TO GO TO BED AND THEN GO TO SCHOOL. Why am I more politically active then people twice my age you might ask? Well, thats because adults are lazy and need to get of their gd asses and VOTE. So kids dont have to do the legwork for them.

I have said my peace now, have a wonderful day!

#2020 #election #covid #trump #biden #debate #byedon #flyden 2020

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