We were up against mamamoo for Mcountdown and sadly lost but i think we deserve a pat on the back for even getting second place!! Like this is the first time we achieved such a high ranking on such a big platform such as mcountdown and IM SO PROUD OF US

Mission: I Do - Chp. 2 (Agent Whiskey x f!reader)

Summary: A new mission has come up and you are sent off on it with Agent Whiskey as your partner. However, you have to go undercover as his fiancee. What will this mission mean for you and your harboring crush on him? This chapter is the set up to the mission. This chapter's not the most entertaining and I apologize for that. It's basically a build up/keep the flow going chapter lol. Rating: Teen Warnings: Language, alcohol usage (tipsy), poisoning, mutual pining (please let me know if I missed any) AO3 Link | Masterlist | Join my taglist here! Chp. 1 - more chapters to come! (Will be added here and in taglist) You awake the next morning to yourself being enveloped in warmth. It was comforting but definitely something new to you. You shot your eyes open to find yourself snuggled into Jack’s chest. You nervously panicked and slid back, waking him up in the process.

“Mhm. What’s wrong?” He groans, his voice raspy with sleep. He then notices his hand placed on your hip. You both look up and eye each other before he removes it. “Well… not sure how we got like that. But my apologies.” He chuckles lightly, removing his hand. “It’s okay. I uh.. I somehow moved in my sleep as well.” You chuckle nervously.  “I’m um...going to go get dressed for the day.” You say as you spring up from the bed.

Jack rolls over and looks at the clock to see it’s 10am “Yea better we get dressed, head down for some breakfast and then make our way down to the convention. Get this show on the road.” 

You crawl from the bed and head over to the closet where you had stored your clothes for the trip, going over what you think would be best to wear. You wanted to look nice but nothing too over the top. “I’m going to change in the bathroom and put my makeup on.” You as you step in and shut the door behind you. “Alright, I’ll get dressed out here a while. Jack replies.

Several minutes past before you return from the bathroom. You decided on a simple white sundress with some sandals. You find Jack laying back on the bed. Fully dressed in his normal attire he wears when off duty. Jeans, a plain white t-shirt, boots and his favorite black cowboy hat. He sits up and whistles when he sees you.

“Well don’t you just look gorgeous. All dolled up.” He smirks, eyeing you over. 

You blush slightly, looking down to try to hide it. You didn’t think you had done anything too crazy. You were just wearing simple casual clothes in your opinion. But, apparently to him you looked amazing. “Thank you Jack.” You respond, blushing lightly. 

“I’ve ordered us room service breakfast so it should be here any minute now. We can go over the case  a bit more while we eat.” He says.

Not long after breakfast arrives, you two sit at the little table in the foyer of the room and go over the mission. Jack pulls out his file from his suitcase, going over pictures of the main culprit and anyone else Statesman had pulled files on that are working with the culprit.

“So we need to find the main guy, what company or companies he controls and any of his crew. Take them all down and prevent anymore kidnappings or bombings. The other agents were sent out to spots designated where anyone kidnapped previously been noted to do rescues.” He says, closing the file. “Shouldn’t be too hard. Champ said we have a few locations to keep in our peruse. The convention, a local restaurant, the hotel here itself and a local club. We have a week to complete the mission which is more than enough.” 

You nod listening to him explain as you sip your coffee. This is going to be a long and interesting weekend. Surely is going to be pulling all sorts of ways at your heartstrings. Looking at wedding stuff, sharing a bed and who knows what else for a potential week. You two finish your breakfast and gear up for the day. Jack tucks his whip and lasso to his belt so they’re hidden, while you strap a pistol and knife to your thigh. Always got to be prepared for any potential danger.

Arriving at the venue, you see it’s a large warehouse building full of tables and tables of business to help you plan your wedding. From venues, catering, clothing and more. You hope someday you can actually experience this for real, and hope even more than it could be with Jack who stands beside you. As you take everything in, you feel Jack’s hand grip yours gently, sliding the ring onto your finger. “Forgot that this mornin’. Might need it to keep the cover.” He says. “Oh. Right, sorry. Thank you for remembering.” You respond.

“Of course darlin’. What else is a future husband for?” He smirks, sliding his hand into yours. Interlocking his fingers with yours. 

Lord have mercy… this mission might actually kill you if Jack keeps up his flirtiness on top of everything else.

“Shall we get to perusing?” He says, motioning his hand to the venue. You pull him through the aisles, stopping at a few tables to look at things to seem like actually wedding planning. You decide to stop at a dress stand to look over some dresses for the lady running the booth seemed to match the description of one of the crewmates. “Honey, come look at these!” You shout to him, waving your hand. Jack looks in your direction, noticing why you called him to that booth. He slips on his glasses and hits the button to activate the hidden camera before coming over. Making sure while he made his way over to get the lady’s face in frame and the name of the supposed company. “What do you think of this one?” You ask. Pulling out a long lace sleeved, off the shoulder dress. “Would you like to try it on?” The lady asks.

“Oh uh… I-” You start to say.

“Go on. Try it on. I like it very much. Why you do so, I’ll discuss things with the lady here.” Jack smiles. 

You nod and head into the little changing rooms the lady has while Jack talks to her, hopefully getting some good information out of her. After a few minutes and working to get the dress on you step out from the changing booth to stand in front of Jack and the booth lady. Jack's eyes widen and he about drops his jaw to the floor before he quickly straightens himself out and clears his throat. “Wow darlin’, you look… beautiful.” He smiles, eyeing you over.

“Th-thank you.” You blush, looking down.

“That dress suits you very much! Allow me to give you my business card for future fittings if you’re interested in the dress.” The lady smiles, handing you the card. You gladly take it. Solid, got a location of where potential kidnappings could be happening. You smile and look yourself over one more time before heading back into the changing booth to change back into the clothes you arrived in. You exit the booth and make your way around to some other booths, seeing if any of the runners catch your eyes as crewmates or the main culprit. You go down a few aisles until Jack pulls you into a venue booth. “You know darlin’ I always dreamed of a barn wedding. Something about them is just so simple but elegant all the same. What do you think?” He asks.

As you enter the booth the host greets you and you instantly recognize him to be the main culprit. Thank god Jack still has his glasses on and is recording the whole thing so you can send it back to Ginger later tonight and inform her you found him.

“Hello sir. Ma'am.” He nods his head to you. “I see you are interested in our venue?” He asks.

“Yes sir. Always found myself fond of a rustic barn wedding. But, the decision of the venue is ultimately up to my fine lady here.” He says turning to you.

“I think a barn wedding sounds very nice honey.” You smile. “I’d love to get more information on the venue if we could.”

“Certainly.” The guy smiles, handing you two some pamphlets on the venue, going over information with you and etc. “The venue is my own family's barn. It’s a 200 year old property but we keep it well maintained and we have a bed and breakfast on the property for you and your family to stay at the day and night before.” 

“Sounds lovely to me.” Jack smiles. “We shall take this information and discuss but I think I’m hooked already.” You nod in agreement and part your ways from the guy. Jack leans down to whisper in your ear as you walk away, but hiding it so it looks like he’s kissing you instead.

“That’s definitely him. Hopefully we can run into him again later to corner him and take him down. Good job on finding the other lady. Let me know if you spot anything else and I will do the same for you.” He states.

You nod in response and continue to work your way through the aisles. Looking around to some venues, not really seeing any other people you recognize to be suspicious. But to keep your cover you do pull each other into some booths. Jack pulls you into a catering booth when he sees some good looking food to try. You chuckle as he tastes just about everything there is, handing you pieces to try as well. You manage to pull him into a few booths too, one being a ring booth that caught your eye. You don’t notice him watching you as you eye over your favorites.

Once you two have perused most of the aisles, not finding anything else and realizing it’s getting pretty late in the day you decide to call it a day for the convention. “It’s getting close to dinner time. I’m hungry. How about you?” He asks.

“Definitely. Those little bites of food here and there didn’t stick with me much.” You chuckle.

“Come on, I know of a good place you should try.” He says, leading you to the car. 

Jack decided to treat you to a local fast food favorite, Whataburger. Being a man from the south he knew of all the popular joints. You were raised in the big city of New York, only ever having traveled to new places once joined the Statesman. So any chance you could get to check out a regional thing when on a trip you took the opportunity. You two sat in the pickup truck that was rented for the weekend, chowing down on your food in silence.

“See I told you it was some good shit.” He chuckles.

“Mhm” Is all you can make out as you continue to devour your food.

Once finished eating and back at the hotel you scramble around trying to figure out what to wear. You were to go to the local club up the street tonight to see if you could catch the culprit or anyone there by chance. You’ve been to clubs before on many missions but, you always have a hard time deciding what to wear. You want to fit in but also don’t want to stand out too much. Jack layed back on the bed, sending the information from today over to Champ as you paced back and forth in the room from the dresser to the bathroom. He had already changed as soon as you got back. And by changed, he swapped his white t-shirt for an army green t-shirt and threw on his go to black leather jacket. You finally settled on another dress and slipped into the bathroom for the final time to slip it on and fix your makeup some. 

“Um Jack?” You step out of the bathroom.

He sits up on his elbow from his spot on the bed and about drops his jaw at the sight of you, for the second time today. Whistling at you once again. 

“Damn darlin’... You keep shocking me with your looks. Everytime I think you can’t get more beautiful you do.” He smirks, eyeing you over. 

You chose to wear a silky and almost skin tight all black dress that stopped about mid thigh and had thin spaghetti straps. You blush at his compliment.

“Thank you. Um, do you mind helping me zip the rest of it up?” You say as you step closer and turn your back towards him.

“Not at all.” He says standing and helping you zip the rest of your dress up, knuckles brushing lightly against your skin as he does which sends shivers through your body.

“Thank you. Ready to go?” You ask and you walk over to the door to slip on your pair of heels. 

“Yup. Got your weapons just in case?” He asks as he pats his torso then back knowing his are secured in a  hidden pocket of his jacket and belt.  

You point to your purse where you had your weapons stowed away as they wouldn’t be hidden too well on your person right now.. “Yup. All set.”

“Alrighty, well then let’s goin’!” He says and you both step out to head to the club up the street.

You two walk into the club, Jack has his arm around your waist and leads you over to a free table where you both sit and take a look over of your location. So far no culprit or crew members to be seen. Hopefully they’ll show up eventually. 

“I’m going to get a drink. Want anything?” He asks.

“Um sure. A cocktail please. Anything.” You smile.

He nods and heads off to the bar, leaving you at the table. As you wait you see some of the crew members walk in. Recognizing them from the pictures. Two males and one female. Jack returns shortly with a margarita for you and a glass of his namesake for himself. 

“Jack, three arrived.” You nod your head towards them. The guys standing at the bar and the girl making her way to dance on the dance floor. “I’m going to try to talk to the girl. I’ll be back.” 

You down your drink in one sitting and make your way to the dance floor. This will surely bite you in the ass later but for now who cares. He watches as you make your way over and then focuses his attention back to the two men. You find your groove to the music and work your way over to the girl and start to strike up a conversation with her as you dance. 

“Hey! I like your moves.” You smile at her, starting off friendly. 

“Thanks, you got some good ones too. And your dress is very pretty.” She smiles back. “Not from around here are you?” “No. I’m here for the bridal convention with my fiancee.”  You nod your head over to Jack sitting at the table, sipping at his drink. 

As she turns her head to look in his direction, you quickly drop some poison provided to you and Whiskey both by the agency into her drink. She seems so nice and you hate to do it to her but she is working for the enemy and you need to weed them all out one by one no matter the means. 

“Well congrats girl.” She smiles back. “Welcome to town. Hope the planning is going well.”

“Thank you. What’s your name?” You ask, giving her yours.”

“I’m Nicole. Nice to meet you.” She smiles. 

“Are you from around here?” You ask and start to delve into a conversation with her, getting to know her, slowly picking her brain and getting some useful information out of her that she slips up on about the culprit and other crew members. 

Once you wrap up your conversation you make your way back over to Jack who has now moved himself over to the bar.

“Okay. Got some information out of her and dropped the poison in. Did you get any information from the guys?” You ask.

“Yup. We can compare notes when we get back to the room.” He says, sipping his new glass of whiskey the bartender hands him.

He slides another margarita over to you as well, having ordered one for you in your absence for when you return. You smile and nod in a way to thank him for it but as you start to sip on it you realize the mistake you made. You can already feel the last one you downed far too quickly hitting you, this one is surely to knock you off your feet. But, you shake it off and continue to sip on it as Jack does his.

“We can probably head out of here whenever you are ready. The poison will kick into them within an hour. No more action needed to be done to them and between the both of us we probably got more than enough information until we come across their boss or other crew members.” He says.

As he says this you really feel the alcohol kicking into your system. Your sensibility going out the door as the buzzed feeling takes over you. 

“Jack, I wanna dance.” You state.

“Okay? So then go dance. Ain’t nothing stoppin’ ya. I said we can leave whenever you want to. If you want to stay and dance some go for it.” He says.

“No. I wanna dance with you.” You say smiling at him.

“Well now I’m not much of a dancer darlin’. I ain’t got no rhythm.” 

You pout at him, and finish off the rest of your drink. You grab his hand and tug at him a bit, trying to get him to change his mind and budge off the stool. He sighs deeply and finally stands, giving into your needs.

“Fine fine. I’ll join ya. But don’t complain at how bad I am.” He chuckles, waving his hands at you.

You grab his hands and drag him to the dance floor, wrapping your arms around his neck and swaying to the music. He places his hands on your hips and sways with you as best as he can. He doesn’t have much rhythm but he’s not as bad as he made himself sound out to be. You two sway and dance to the music for a while until you start to feel sick. Man you knew you were a lightweight but you didn’t know it was this bad. How strong were those margaritas?! You stop dancing and look up at Jack.

“I feel sick. Can we go?” You pout.

“Certainly. Going to be okay to make it the short walk back?” He asks.

You make your way back to the hotel and as soon as you get back you crash onto the bed and pass out. Whatever was in the drink was strong and was killing your head. Taglist: @sarahjkl82-blog​ @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange​ @blackberries45​ @hailmary-yramliah​ @prideandpascal​ 

My Obsession With Character Names Pays Off Right Here Right Now

I have literally never posted here but I decided that since I spent today writing about the the name of the characters in The Owl House instead of prepping for finals, someone should see it. Included are Lilith, Eda, Luz, King, Gus, Willow, Amity, Alador, Odalia, Emira, Edric, Belos, Adegast, Kikimora, last names Blight, Noceda, Clawthorne, Park, Porter, and Bump, and briefly Hooty, Owlbert, Hieronymus, and Boscha.

FIRST NAME

LILITH

Ok so because I'm lilith’s bitch we are gonna start with her because her name is so cool and I love her and we should be besties Lilith hmu. Anyways as most people know Lilith is a pre existing mythological character which makes this very much good because that means it’s all outlined. Most people know her as a demonic figure, which I very much dig but similar to our lovely queen of curses out here, that's not all she is. There isn’t going to be a chronological explanation of similarities and conclusions, cope. The basic gist is that Lilith was this chick with fiery red hair (this is important iykyk) who refused to be beneath or below adam, more specifically to subjugate to him, funny because of the tapestry with belos what says subjugation on it, probably a coincidence but I do not believe in coincidence right now. Anyways basically she runs off and becomes this chick who like snatches children and will make them sick if they don’t have an amulet with the names Senoy, Sansenoy, or Semangelof on them, thats a different story but what I find interesting is this one passage,

“(12) Her nobles shall be no more, nor shall kings be proclaimed there; all her princes are gone. (13) Her castles shall be overgrown with thorns, her fortresses with thistles and briers. She shall become an abode for jackals and a haunt for ostriches. (14) Wildcats shall meet with desert beasts, satyrs shall call to one another; There shall the Lilith repose, and find for herself a place to rest. (15) There the hoot owl shall nest and lay eggs, hatch them out and gather them in her shadow; There shall the kites assemble, none shall be missing its mate. (16) Look in the book of the LORD and read: No one of these shall be lacking, For the mouth of the LORD has ordered it, and His spirit shall gather them there. (17) It is He who casts the lot for them, and with His hands He marks off their shares of her; They shall possess her forever, and dwell there from generation to generation.”

And there are separate part of this that I find relevant, especially the description of the location, i’m not all that familiar with symbolism of animals in religious texts, so i’m gonna take it at face value and say that this is more or less a description that could be given to the physical owl house itself, sort of a place for people who don’t fit in, its a little messy and I guess one could say overgrown, but it’s a place for anyone, a place to rest now hopefully for Lilith away from the coven, there shall the Lilith repose. On top of that we see the “the hoot owl…” and you’re probably thinking what that so crazy wacko because like why are they referring to Lilith as the hoot owl isn't Eda the owl lady, yes she is. That’s why the actual meanings of lilith’s name that come from her mythological depiction as a demon lady are so important. We have night monster, night owl, night spectre, vampires, night hag, night creature, nightjar (which is another kind of bird), and night bird, all of these seem to fit lilith’s dark aesthetic very nicely which is very good for her, but there are two other ones, hot owl and screech owl, which draw her closer to Edaand away from the coven and her depiction in the mid-later episodes of the show as a monster for cursing eda, but also the name night monster could come into play if while sharing the curse Lilith acquired some of its traits, similar to Edaas the owl beast. Ultimately, we have this little red head girl who eventually fights back against the men who are attempting to get her to be under them, for the character that is belos, for the other Lilith that is adam, god, and his angels, and now hopefully both of them will find solace and repose among the owls in a place they never thought they’d belong. All this talk of owls and god brings us into the other clawthorne baddie:

EDA

For this I'm going to use her full name edalyn, because you know like that’s just how it be it is her name. There isn’t a wiki page for her name like there is for Lilith which makes this a little bit harder but the general consensus seems to be that it means something along the lines of “gift of god”, which I find very interesting. If you are going to name a child gift of god i’m assuming that you are referring to the child themselves, but I don’t think that really applies to eda. I’m not religious, but its my impression that someone who lies cheats pranks and steals their way to the top and isn’t exactly the most responsible witch on the isles might not be the best gift god could give. I do really love Eda though, her character flaws are still a part of her character, but I think this refers to her powers. Eda considers herself to be the boiling isles gift to magic, which I mean like, have you seen the woman. In agony of a witch we see her at what probably 30% of her power with how much the curse was already tolling on her and how much magic she was probably using to fight it off, and like goddamn. She was almost beating lilith, definitely beating the shit out of her, but she was almost defeating Lilith who was at her full power, and that is just a fraction of what she used to be able to do. Her powers were a gift of god, and I think that the loss of them will greatly affect her. She’s already admitted that she doesn’t know how to do much without her magic, and I think going straight from the second most powerful witch on this isles to having no power at all is going to be incredibly taxing on her, physically and mentally.

Luckily for her the name edalyn also means patience, another thing about her name is that it not only means gift of god, but also similar things like gifted by the gods or even goddess, and this draws a connection to Lilith who is named after a demonic figure, casted out for having defied god, they are quite literally polar opposites on the name spectrum, and we see that a lot in the show, they are completely different people, I mean have you looked at them they don’t even look related, but the funnier thing is that their personalities do the same thing. You’d expect Edain her youth to be a gift from the devil, just ask principal bump, and Lilith seemed to be a goody two shoes who worked her ass off, their names could be switched based off their characters alone.

A random baby name site I found said that :

“Persons with the name edalyn are usually highly flexible and well equipped to making and accepting change throughout their life. They always seek excitement and are sometimes a bit of a risk taker. They are imaginative, and often, through their unconventional way of thinking, are naturally able to solve complex problems with ease. They are quick thinkers and observers who are clever, analytical and versatile”

Which I mean like very much applies to eda, she takes change like a champ, either genuinely or by pretending she’s ok with everything, and is always seeking excitement. Like literally all of the time. Always. I think she takes felonies as a compliment, and one of the biggest changes in her life that she genuinely was able to adapt to and appreciate was

LUZ

Ok I think at this point everyone knows that at this point the name Luz means light, and if you didn't, oopsies now you do. The character Luz was named and designed after a real life person the miss dana terrace knew at the time she was starting to really think about the show, Luz ’s personalty comes more from dana herself and we love that, but the character has really started to grow into her name. This is made most obvious when the first spell Luz learns is the light glyph, not only coming into her own as a witch, but also starting to live up to her name, which along with light also has to do with “Our Lady of Light”, which is the virgin mary, fitting her right in with the other biblical names we got going on here. I really want to stress that I know next to zero about religion, and all of the connections I am making come from wikipedia, so bare with me here. But most of the time mary seems to be this pure, saint like figure, which I think is what a lot of people see Luz as, especially on the isles. I’m going to flat out say that this is in no way meant to pass off Luz as simple minded, pure, or oblivious, because we have seen what that girl is willing to do, she faced death and poked him in the with an ice cicle. In terms of life on the isles, however, she is more or less pure and sheltered, she’s completely new to the world she’s in, but she does quickly adapt, and shows more of her strong side, and remains a good person throughout all of it, taking losses as they come, and not letting them remain losses at the same time.

Back to the whole light thing, we already touched on the whole literal bit of her and the light spell, but can you think of a better way to describe Luz ? She literally brings light everywhere she goes, even Eda admits that she’s changed things for the better, for everyone around her too. Willow got a new friend, probably the first friend she’s had in a long time, and even got to begin repairing her relationship with amity, and got placed in the plant track so she could do the things she loves, all because of Luz . Edagot to grow as a person and a mentor, and finally got someone willing to accept all her eda-ness, unconditionally, someone to really care about that really cares about her back, all because of Luz . Amity got a friend who cares about her, not just her family name and money, someone who supports her and will do anything for her because she is her friend, and a bit of self discovery along the way for amity, all because of Luz . Not a single person on the isles who has had more than 2 minutes of interaction with Luz hasn’t had their lives improved, even belos got his portal, and the thing is that even characters who people might not even consider changed have been, characters such as

KING

The name king itself is obvious, he is royalty, the king of demoNS HIMSELF ASMODEUS hahahaha pulled a sneaky on you now accept my ideas as your own. I am on a mythological name kick, deal with it. The most important thing here is in the bible, asmodeus poses himself as a false god, which I know is something we have all considered with king, that he might be a full on liar, not be a king of anything and is just your ordinary street demon, it’s even come up in the show with him calling himself the king of artists and Luz asking him if he was just making it up at this point. It’s a good theory, I can see it, and this could be used as proof. There is also another legend that paints him as a good natured dude, who eventually banishes the king by literally throwing him, and then he loses his powers and is banished, but this is also the same legend where he marries Lilith and that is not something I am down for. There is another text in which he tells the king (the same one he threw in the other one) that his kingdom will one day be divided and the king does not believe him, and this is the same text where he admits to hating water and birds because they remind him of god. Lets think class, who has the god name and is related to birds here? King’s name by itself holds true to his character, who (regardless of if it is truthful or not) holds himself as if he is a king, and he isn't the only one with a name like that, there is also

WILLOW

Ok I know we all thought it, willow, the plant girl, how fiendishly clever. This also happens to be the only descriptor for her name I could find, which is totally fine because I think it’s a very cute name and willow is also very cute. This means we get to go into the symbolism of the willow tree wwwooooOOOOO aren’t you so very excited I know I am. Its kind of interesting, willow trees seem to match the character, understanding, warm, a safe space really, but most of all the ability to let go of pain and suffering, sometimes outright ignore it, and move on. Willow does always say out of sight out of mind does she not? She is willing to ignore, even excuse people bullying her, be it bosha or even amity, and the moment she got the chance her inner willow decided to try and literally burn the painful memories she had, willing to cause damage just to forget. Willow as a character is very willing to move on like nothing happened most of the time, key word most because another thing about willows is the ability to grow from the pain. Before understanding willow, we never really saw willow stand up for herself until she really had to, but hy the end of the episode she is willing to tell amity that she isn’t willing to fully forgive her, but she’s willing to grow and try. Heck, we see this over the entire first season, we see this little girl who can barely pull it together long enough to stand up for herself grow into this amazing character willing to publicly oppose the emperor and break into his castle for her friend, she tried to full out attack Lilith when 19 episodes earlier she wasn’t able to stand up to amity for bullying her. And I am in no way calling willow weak, she never was, she just needed to find the ability to show everyone that she’s strong, god I love willow so much, you wanna know who else loves willow?

GUS

Gus, my main man, love you but for this we are gonna have to use the full on augustus sorry babes. The name augustus means majestic, or venerable, which while I must say that the illusion of kiki doing the worm was probably one of the most majestic things I have ever seen, I’m going to focus on venerable a bit more here. Venerable is a big word, it means “accorded a great deal of respect, especially because of age, wisdom, or character.”, which for gus the age part might play a smaller part here, but he is good as what he does, Luz and willow both respect him, Eda Respects him, he’s this little dude who is younger than everyone and has to rely on his ability to succeed, not inly with his power but with his personality.Gus seems to be confident in himself, communicating with everyone regardless of who they are or what power they hold, similarly to willow he was willing to do anything to help Luz , leading into the second description of venerable, “heroic in nature”. Now, you might be wondering, bestie where ever did you get that description, it totally wasn’t from a religious page okyesitwas but that's fine because being pronounced venerable guarantees a spot in heaven so get it bestie. Overall, the general meaning for augustus is that they are strong, respectable, and powerful, which takes us right into the

ASSORTED BLIGHTS

The blight first names bring me joy so I am putting amity last because I think its really funny, starting off with alador, the name alador evokes diplomacy, correctness, and confidence. We know zilch about alador, but if the vibes of the blight family have anything to say it’s definitely something along those lines. The name odalia means wealth, which I mean like have you seeeen blight manor? Also back at it again with the fact that it’s a variant of the name odilia, like the saint olilia which I don't have ties for you right now because again, we know nothing about her. Edric also means wealth, fortune, riches, powerful, you get the vibes, same thing with emira which means commander, or prince, princess, leader, or star. So you know like we have all these super powerful names happening, and then, oh boy and then we get to little miss perfect herself, amity blight. It means friendship, or harmony. If I was her I would be so mad at my parents like yall have these mad powerful names and I got stuck with friendship? Hand me the emancipation papers. You know what they say, friendship is the real magic (even if no longer taught in schools due to budget constraints). I hope that this leads more into season 2 with amity working on her friendships and ultimately her relationships in general, which we got a bit of already with her working on repairing her relationship with willow, and making the moves to cut off old toxic friendships and moving into more genuine ones with willow, Luz , and gus. I guess you could say that the only thing ALL the blights have in common with each other is their

LAST NAME

BLIGHT

The word blight by itself means a plant disease which boy oh boy can you believe how nicely that fits into amity bullying willow because I sure can. Outside of just the plant bit it overall just means like something that damages another thing, and this works beautifully for each member of the family. The parents are damaging their children, the twins just causing general damage, and amity and her goddamn relationships, but fortunately that whole plant thing brings us into the next couple of last names

CLAWTHORNE

The last name clawthorne means “cold or exposed thorn tree” which had me kind of like what the heck so I went off and had some fun and got you some presents that I think are funny, so there was this guy right, his name was joseph clawthorne, and he created the term whiffenpoof, which is the name for a wildly fictitious animal, things like a jackalope, or even a griffin with spider breath, though I guess that would be the work of a

NOCEDA

Back again with the trees good lord, it means field of nut trees, so again I went into prominent people an found this guy named jorge noceda sanchez, he was a painter and some of his works are kinda baller actually it seems like something that would fit in on the isles, but also not all of the names have a deeper meanings, names like

PORTER

Ok I am like pretty sure this was just meant to be a play on the fact that gus’ dad’s name is perry and is a reporter, get it, perry porter, perry porter, reporter, but nonetheless I did some digging because why the heck not, it means doorkeeper, or gate keeper, someone who guards something like an important building, which honestly I think this would be a good last name for hooty if he ever gets one, but again not all of these are important names at the moment, or maybe they won't ever be at all, names like

PARK

At first I was kinda like l m a o willow park plant girl hahahahah plants in the park parks have trees willow is a tree but then I remembered that someone pointed out that park is a traditionally korean surname and then like a week later disney posted about it for aisian pacific american heritage month which kind of confirmed it, and I don’t know if the whole intention behind it was to establish willow as representation or not, but the surname park by itself means gourd and willow I am so sorry that is so unfortunate LMAOSIFN

BUMP

To be honest I was not expecting bump to have a last name that meant anything but it means swift walker and I think thats funny so you have to know it now

MISCELLANEOUS

BELOS

BIIIITCH LISTEN UPPPP there is a butt tone of mythology surrounding his name and its mostly a different form of it, belus, that is referenced, but same thing different shape. Most of his depiction is as a great king or ruler, in babylonian mythology being the equivalent of zeus of jupiter, which liiikkkkkeeeoajolnjojnkjakjavnjfvdfkjf but its fine everything is great its all ok most importantly, he is recognized as the god or ruler of war, and in that same mythology he lived in babylon, which “... was originally water, and called a sea. But Belus put an end to this, and assigned a district to each, and surrounded Babylon with a wall; and at the appointed time he disappeared.” and idk about you but the smell of him assigning a divide and disappearing smells sour like funky to me babes

HIERONYMUS AND BOSCHA

I am only putting this here because the fact that it’s totally a play on hieronymus bosch makes me cackle and you all have to know it thank you

ADEGAST

B-but brevyn he was only there for like one episode, yeah ok and? Radegast is the slavic god of hospitality, and there is no host like a host that pretends to take you on a mythical quest and then tries to eat you and your mentor and her deranged cat demon, ok? His name translates to “dear guest” or “welcomed guest” and I mean I think if my host tried to suck me into some fantasy would delusion i’d feel pretty welcomed

HOOTY

He is an owl

OWLBERT

He is also an owl

KIKIMORA

First and foremost, she is a little night gremlin who hates children and I think that really fits her, but she is also a little house demon, who is very difficult to get to leave, have we seen her outside the castle? Will she be a spy along with the mask next season? She also has a name that means nightmare or night demon, similar to a certain other night creature we might have heard of a while ago. She tried to strangle children and I love that for her,and she is described as a little old ugly messy haired lady and I feel like her current character has the personality of one so i’ll take it, but what really gets me is her villain origin story, which is that she "grows up with a magician in the mountains. From dawn to sunset the magician’s cat regales Kikimora with fantastic tales of ancient times and faraway places, as Kikimora rocks in a cradle made of crystal. It takes her seven years to reach maturity, by which time her head is no larger than a thimble and her body no wider than a strand of straw. Kikimora spins flax from dusk and to dawn, with evil intentions for the world.”

The Crown is back: Colman’s rule.

Olivia Colman is so good we’re all like, “Claire who?“

And slow your roll. I stan The Crown. I gobble up all things British royal family. My favorite house in Game of Thrones is House Windsor. And y’all don’t even know about it because in spite of it being the most vicious, it is also the most secretive. The Windsors are horrible and seductive and, above all else, secretive, and now you’re beginning to understand, that I truly ride for The Crown and those shady goofballs of Buckingham Palace (though Prince Andrew can kick rocks TODAY).

So I know The Crown. I know how good Claire Foy was. I left season 2 in shambles. How dare she leave us? We’d just come around to Elizabeth! Her life, with all her dull, unfashionable, yet dependable ways were imbued with a tenderness that Claire Foy brought. The young Queen that so many of us know is a portrait that Claire Foy created during her two astounding seasons. Peter Morgan struck gold with the first cast. And, as everyone will tell you, as good as Claire Foy was, we shall not forget to give Matt Smith his props. Oh baby, can he act.

Prince Philip, by all estimations, should be an insufferable, entitled man-child. And while he is all of that, he is so, so much more. Meticulously researched, The Crown delved into Philip’s childhood of abandonment and isolation. His air of indignation was as much with the world who’d let him down in his early years as it was indignation with himself.

And from there - from the personal insecurities that tie us all together in this fabric of humanity, did we find the heart and soul of Elizabeth and Philip. We fell in love with Matt Smith and Claire Foy as they seemingly fell in love with each other and embarked on their path as husband and wife. Something about them, actors and royals, just works. A natural chemistry emerged. Even when Philip is horrible (and he’s horrible sort of a lot), I rooted for him. I even rooted for Philip when he screwed around. But how he begged Elizabeth to take him back still remains one of my favorite moments of the entire series. Not very “I am woman, hear me roar” of me, but nonetheless, I rooted.

And while the first two seasons took place nearly 60 years ago, you’d think I’d be bored to death by the predictability of every story line. Yet, I know nothing. (We’re still decades from Princess Di and the crash that turned everyone’s attention onto Buckingham Palace.) The public eye should make the show predictable. And yet, we only know their public personas. (What would someone know of you if they’d only seen photographs?)

They live behind a window of double paned secrecy. We think we’re looking in, or rather, being let in, but we’ve never been privy to their private conversation. We’ve never heard who they really are.

Enter season 3. The middle age years.

Not the sexiest time frame, admittedly, but it does provide a new element into the royal marriage to which we can all relate - informality. These are people who have been through some shit. They’ve let go of pretending in their marriage and, too, to some degree, in their public personas. Long gone are the days of wearing makeup to bed and only eating salads. These are two grown people who have settled into marriage for the long haul. Yes, they nearly called it quits, but they fought through it, had some kids, and now they’re suffering through the normal bumps of having children - Are they normal? Will they fit in? Are we screwing them up? (For those keeping track at home: no, no, and yes.) But the gift of middle age could also be a curse for the actor portraying the royals during their “regular” years.

However, a curse it is not. 

Left in the hands of Olivia Colman and Tobias Menzies, the characters of Elizabeth and Philip have never sizzled with such lived-in chemistry and humor. And I am using “humor” here very, very loosely. These are not people who take to spontaneous fits of giggles. Instead, the tight-lipped chuckles Colman’s Elizabeth elicits from Menzies’ Philip ring loud, brightening the face of a man who, at any moment, looks like he’d rather be anywhere but where he has the misfortune of finding himself.

For whatever reason Prince Philip only becomes more charming the more bristled he becomes. Whether this forever annoyance is a natural trait of Tobias Menzies or not is of no importance because, boy, he does it well.

The ungodly rich perform disinterest like it’s an Olympic sport and Menzies’ Philip is an all-time gold-medal winning champ. His face holds entire chapters of stories he refuses to tell. But just under the surface, Menzies shows us the tiniest flickering of light behind the eyes. You see, to be enthused is to admit interest, which is basically announcing that you care, and to care is just so, so dreadfully middle-class. No, no. These are people who wouldn’t care if their house was on fire. They’d buy a new one...a bigger one!

We should hate them. But, we don’t, and, we won’t, I fear.

I fear it because I hold onto the idea of democracy. Fair elections. Proper representation. All of that. We’re Americans. We fought the British. We should rule ourselves.

But then again, should we?

Trump got elected in a democratic America (if you count all that voter suppression and constant meddling from Russian moles it starts looking less so). And I think even the knuckleheads who elected him regret their decision.  We’ve shown the world that democracy is a weapon in the hands of fools.

But tabling the larger political conversation for now, I push on. This, so far, has been a seamless transition from cast 1 to cast 2. And I would be remiss if I did not sprinkle a few words of praise onto Helena Bonham Carter’s portrayal of Princess Margaret. Talk about a revelation. (To be fair, I find Carter to be one of the most underused actresses of today so for her to have found her way onto one of my favorite shows, I could not be happier.) She is an actress that enlivens every role with a unique strangeness that never feels fraudulent.

Princess Margaret, ever the counter to her sister, grows even further from Elizabeth in middle age. Desperate for her place in the royal family, and her marriage, she flounders in excessive drinking. Her husband is distant, running off to corners of the world without any notice, leaving her to her own devices where she finds herself regretfully unfulfilled.

In a lesser actress’ hands, a rich, bored, drunk lady would come across a whole lot more Real Housewives of Orange County, but this is a woman that Carter has sunk her teeth into. Margaret is the role of a lifetime. The tragically younger, thus, forgotten sister to Elizabeth. Margaret always craved the spotlight and reveled in it. As queen, she would’ve made waves. She would’ve reinvented the entire monarchy. It’s the exact reason she was pushed to the margins. And Helena Bonham Carter does not exist in the margins. Ever the rebel, like Margaret, these are women who were born to perform. The parallels don’t stop there.

Carter herself is a woman that’s perhaps never been taken seriously enough in Hollywood. Yes she’s won BAFTA’s but stateside she’s never garnered the praise I thought she should. Has she, like Margaret, grown tired of living in the shadows? Could it be that through the role of Princess Margaret, Helena Bonham Carter has found the perfect disguise to finally get the proper recognition from Hollywood? I think yes. I think we’re watching the start of a second act for her.

The royals, though they possess a treasured space in pop culture in the States, also represent an old-timey class system that is deeply un-American. The Brits have their complicated feelings towards the royals, too. But we can look on at the royal family as these glamorous, bored robots. They affect none of our political decisions. They don’t even seem completely human. They aren’t on our currency, our stamps. So we can remain distant and removed. We can watch the stories about them, true or fictional, and restrain judgment. And that feels very...British.

Day 52 in Tiny Haven

Today in Tiny Haven: the islands’ inhabitants are clearly on to me, and decide to ramble on for hours so that my last daily update never ends.

I start my day on a low note, with Abraham once again telling me he wants to leave the island. 😟

“I’m reading a novel, it’s talking about goodbyes and new beginnings. It’s got me thinking...”

“If I moved away, I could meet new insects, taste new treats.”

“This would be an enriching experience.”

Yes well, discovering new things and being bold is a very important part of growing up but i am SELFISH and I refuse, you can’t leave!

“What?! You don’t want me to leave? I admit that’s unexpected...”

“I didn’t know you cared about me so much... You have no idea how touched I am!” 

(honestly he looks more like he’s crying at the thought of being held hostage, but I’ll pretend to believe this is sweet)

“Alright, it’s decided! I’m staying in Tiny Haven! We’ll be the best of friends!”

I already thought we were the best of friends, Abraham. Only the best of friend would force you to stay here against your will.

*coughs*

To avoid thinking about this too much, I decide to go to the inauguration of the new museum wing.

“Thibou, if you please? Just, um... a word or two. That shall be plenty.”

I love that Tom said that, and I love even more that Thibou completely ignored his request and went on to ramble for 10 whole frames. Fight the power, Thibou!

“Hoo. Of course, I’m not in the habit of babbling. Hm! Dear and distinguished citizens of Tiny Haven...”

“[...] And humility! And joy! A whole tidal wave of emotions washing over my little fragile heart!”

“[...] Your fossils which dazzled me! Your fishes which took my breath away! Your insects... which I displayed.”

“You haven’t just enriched our museum, you have enriched my soul! Hoo, hoo, as sure as I’m an owl!”

Believe me, this is a cliffnote version of his speech.

“And now, a SHORT speech by the one without whom this renovation could never have happened...”

Thankfully for Tom, my options are still one-word shouts, so my speech was short.

After the celebration, I proudly go present Thibou with our new painting acquisition, bought at great price from Rounard the day before...

“Believe me, it gives me no pleasure, but I must refuse your donation. Yes, yes, take it back, hoo!”

... only to get told it is a fake.

A fake!

How could Rounard do this to me, me, who’s almost family?!

I am crushed, and ashamed (Thibou looks so judgmental!).

Heading to the clothes shop to bandage my ego, I get treated to another lovely piece of family history from the sewing sisters.

“Oh, the photos behind me? They’re of my sisters and me when we were little... and of our parents.”

“I was very young when they died. I only have vague memories of them...”

“On the other hand, I vividly remember Cousette, doing her best to raise me.”

“After all, we never talk about these things when Maddy isn’t here...”

😭

Once again, the full version was much longer, but you get the gist of it. Those little hedgehogs have gone through a lot before they came to my island.

Because I haven’t given up on finding Shark Island, I buy another mystery ticket, and while there are no sharks, the breathtaking waterfalls fill my heart with joy and convince me to add a new one to my own island, even though I hate terraforming (I always feel like I’m telling my island it’s not good enough as-is).

Seriously this is so pretty.

Once I’m back home, I therefore turn the tiniest hill into a small lake with waterfall, and install a picnic nook next to it. 

Perfect spot to let my avatar relax when I’m working! Just missing a cocktail glass, if only I could find one.

Once I’m done suntanning, I catch a gorgeous new fish, and bringing it to the museum turns the tiny fish tank into its gorgeous, probably final form.

I don’t know why they decided to have the tanks empty until a certain quota has been met but I have to admit the transformation is breathtaking when it happens.

Good thing Renée then teaches me how to show euphoria, to properly allow me to express my feelings!

“You’ve learned to express euphoria! Everything’s as good as can be!”

Finally, in the evening, I bump into Lili, who has a request.

“Say, champ, could you spread some wicked rumours about me?”

(notice she’s still in the “champ” camp)

“Just say stuff like “Lili’s more tenacious than a virus!”“

Considering the times we’re living through, that rumour is remarkably à propos, Lil’.

And on that note, I bid this daily blogging adventure farewell. Thank you to the people who’ve been kind enough to follow these rambling posts (with subtitles!). I don’t know how the confinement would have gone without this daily lifeline, and I’m excited about doing a weekly update on this cute cute world. 🥰

The new Shane Dawson and Jeffree Star series? Sure, we can talk about it.

An Introduction to the review of The Beautiful World of Jeffree Star series. 

I was born in the 90s, which means that my formative years began and mostly ran its course in the 2000s, the rise of the social media age. When the mid-2000s arrived, I was blissfully unaware of the social media platform that was about to change all of our lives. I remember the day distinctly, it was 2005, 12 year old me was at UCLA, not quite a college student yet but rather waiting for my mom to get off work with my sister and dad. I was on the computer minding my own business, probably perusing on a Kingdom Hearts forum site, and out of nowhere my sister comes to me and exclaimed “yo, have you heard about this new website where you can go to post videos of whatever?! It’s crazy!” And trust, this at the time was a crazy concept to comprehend. Perhaps I’ll get into this more another time but let’s just say there was no website like Youtube before and there still really isn’t one like it now. The competition has been light at best (I guess IGTV is the current closest competitor… Vimeo had a moment, still kind of does honestly), and with a website that’s all about Broadcasting Yourself, some wise individuals got the idea to become early stars on the platform. 

I remember at school the conversation went from “did you see that Chocolate Rain video?” to “Have you seen that Shane Dawson video?” Kids loved Shane and his edgy edge lord humor, not going to lie, I was not a huge fan. He had a couple of videos that amused me like the infamous video where he killed one of the earliest and biggest internet stars, Fred, and his Lady Gaga parody video, but aside from those, the whole edgy humor for the sake of being edgy never appealed to me and my musing, and that’s saying a lot because I’m quite easily amused by damn near everything. 

As for Jeffree Star, I used to hear his name all the time and thought for a long time that he was Chris Croker, the man behind the iconic “leave Brittney alone” video, classic mix up. But in recent years I’ve realized and heard things about him that were quite troubling, particularly the racial remarks he has been caught saying on video… multiple times (Note: Jeffree has since come out about this addressing his past racist remarks a couple of years ago). In their first collaborative series titled The Secret World of Jeffree Star, these scandals were talked about at length in one of the series’ episodes where both him and Shane shared their similar experience as being labeled extremely problematic in their early career to say the least. 

They both express their regrets for their past mistakes and realize the consequences of being in the digital space and age; everything you do somehow lives on the internet forever and when you’re in the public eye, your past discretions will be known to people who pay attention and hold on to the receipts. As a young black woman with big aspirations in the Entertainment Industry, for people like Shane and Jeffree, the question of if they are or were racist will always linger in the back of my mind as I watch their collaborative projects unfold. But at last, these reviews won’t necessarily focus on their past transgressions unless it comes up or makes since to bring them up, it all depends on how the content unfolds in front of us, in real time. 

The Beautiful World of Jeffree Star series is basically an idea that was suggested in the last series come to life: what is the process of creating and marketing a makeup line, products, and merchandise from start to finish whilst also examining the beauty world through the lens of Shane and Jeffree’s (and Andrew too, the cameraman and Shane’s co-editor) eyes. This is especially interesting that Shane, an industry outsider and one the most popular Youtube creators ever, come into this world, and collaborate with Jeffree Star, one of if not the top beauty and business guru. It cannot be understated how ingenious this move is and the absurd amount of money Shane, Jeffree and Jeffree’s company are about to make with this partnership. I have watched all of Shane’s person studies style documentaries since he changed to this format about a year and a half ago (eventually, I’ll do a breakdown of all the series, the people examined, the progressions, etc.)  but I must say, this one I am particularly interested in to see the scandal that rocked all scandals on Youtube that was unfolding while this series was being filmed, and Jeffree and Shane were in the middle of it. Most of you reading this probably know what I’m talking about. I won’t go into details about it now (but if you want the details of all the tea, check out these videos on from the Youtube channel Spill), I’ll wait for whatever episode or episodes discuss and show the drama, and so far it hasn’t happened yet, but Shane and his cameraman and co-editor Andrew have done a clever job of foreshadowing what they know will be the big event of the series. So much was left unsaid after that whole ordeal, that it left me and others wondering, with this series: 

Will we as viewers be left with more questions than answers? Will that whole fiasco be put to bed? What new information will come from this? What exactly was Jeffree and Shane’s involvement in it all? Why did they insert themselves into the drama at all? Was Tati influenced by them to break this scandal? And finally: was Jeffree Star in the right and if so how are Shane and Andrew going to make Jeffree look sympathetic? 

The only question I know for sure will be shown is the last one, for Shane has proven time and time again that a big focal point of these series is to show these seemingly irredeemable figures in a different light, giving problematic creators a platform to have their Redemption Arc narratives. So far, for good or bad, these series have been shown to persuade minds, especially when it comes to Jeffree Star (the other people in Shane’s other series are debatable at this point when we compare long term and short term effects they’ve had on Youtube audiences). But now I’m getting a bit ahead of myself for the first two parts of the series doesn’t really get into this tea yet. 

So with this not-so-quick summary and back story out of the way, we can get into the reviews, the format for them will be very much like this, free flowing thoughts and opinions on each episode. Since the episodes/parts 1 and 2 are already out, I’ll go ahead and merge those two parts together, especially since the first episode I felt served as an overview of the story and the tone of the series will be partaking in moving forward… also this introduction has turned into such an elongated analytical explanation that I think if you’ve made it this far, you’re a champ and I shall reward you by giving your sleepy, information overload eyes a break (also, let’s be real, this will help me stay on track and post more… it’s the little tricks we do to motivate ourselves). But if you want more, I should have my parts 1 and 2 review up sooner rather than later, unless some major life events happens like Dramagedon 3.0. With that, I digress, until the next episode.

Dr. Seward's Diary.

20 September. -- Only resolution and habit can let me make an entry to-night. I am too miserable, too low-spirited, too sick of the world and all in it, including life itself, that I would not care if I heard this moment the flapping of the wings of the angel of death. And he has been flapping those grim wings to some purpose of late -- Lucy's mother and Arthur's father, and now... Let me get on with my work.

I duly relieved Van Helsing in his watch over Lucy. We wanted Arthur to go to rest also, but he refused at first. It was only when I told him that we should want him to help us during the day, and that we must not all break down for want of rest, lest Lucy should suffer, that he agreed to go. Van Helsing was very kind to him. "Come, my child," he said; "come with me. You are sick and weak, and have had much sorrow and much mental pain, as well as that tax on your strength that we know of. You must not be alone; for to be alone is to be full of fears and alarms. Come to the drawing-room, where there is a big fire, and there are two sofas. You shall lie on one, and I on the other, and our sympathy will be comfort to each other, even though we do not speak, and even if we sleep." Arthur went off with him, casting back a longing look on Lucy's face, which lay in her pillow, almost whiter than the lawn. She lay quite still, and I looked round the room to see that all was as it should be. I could see that the Professor had carried out in this room, as in the other, his purpose of using the garlic; the whole of the window-sashes reeked with it, and round Lucy's neck, over the silk handkerchief which Van Helsing made her keep on, was a rough chaplet of the same odorous flowers. Lucy was breathing somewhat stertorously, and her face was at its worst, for the open mouth showed the pale gums. Her teeth, in the dim, uncertain light, seemed longer and sharper than they had been in the morning. In particular, by some trick of the light, the canine teeth looked longer and sharper than the rest. I sat down by her, and presently she moved uneasily. At the same moment there came a sort of dull flapping or buffeting at the window. I went over to it softly, and peeped out by the corner of the blind. There was a full moonlight, and I could see that the noise was made by a great bat, which wheeled round -- doubtless attracted by the light, although so dim -- and every now and again struck the window with its wings. When I came back to my seat, I found that Lucy had moved slightly, and had torn away the garlic flowers from her throat. I replaced them as well as I could, and sat watching her.

Presently she woke, and I gave her food, as Van Helsing had prescribed. She took but a little, and that languidly. There did not seem to be with her now the unconscious struggle for life and strength that had hitherto so marked her illness. It struck me as curious that the moment she became conscious she pressed the garlic flowers close to her. It was certainly odd that whenever she got into that lethargic state, with the stertorous breathing, she put the flowers from her; but that when she waked she clutched them close. There was no possibility of making any mistake about this, for in the long hours that followed, she had many spells of sleeping and waking and repeated both actions many times.

At six o’clock Van Helsing came to relieve me. Arthur had then fallen into a doze, and he mercifully let him sleep on. When he saw Lucy's face I could hear the sissing indraw of his breath, and he said to me in a sharp whisper: "Draw up the blind; I want light!" Then he bent down, and, with his face almost touching Lucy's, examined her carefully. He removed the flowers and lifted the silk handkerchief from her throat. As he did so he started back, and I could hear his ejaculation, "Mein Gott!" as it was smothered in his throat. I bent over and looked, too, and as I noticed some queer chill came over me.

The wounds on the throat had absolutely disappeared.

For fully five minutes Van Helsing stood looking at her, with his face at its sternest. Then he turned to me and said calmly:---

"She is dying. It will not be long now. It will be much difference, mark me, whether she dies conscious or in her sleep. Wake that poor boy, and let him come and see the last; he trusts us, and we have promised him."

I went to the dining-room and waked him. He was dazed for a moment, but when he saw the sunlight streaming in through the edges of the shutters he thought he was late, and expressed his fear. I assured him that Lucy was still asleep, but told him as gently as I could that both Van Helsing and I feared that the end was near. He covered his face with his hands, and slid down on his knees by the sofa, where he remained, perhaps a minute, with his head buried, praying, whilst his shoulders shook with grief. I took him by the hand and raised him up. "Come," I said, "my dear old fellow, summon all your fortitude: it will be best and easiest for her."

When we came into Lucy's room I could see that Van Helsing had, with his usual forethought, been putting matters straight and making everything look as pleasing as possible. He had even brushed Lucy's hair, so that it lay on the pillow in its usual sunny ripples. When we came into the room she opened her eyes, and seeing him, whispered softly:---

"Arthur! Oh, my love, I am so glad you have come!" He was stooping to kiss her, when Van Helsing motioned him back. "No," he whispered, "not yet! Hold her hand; it will comfort her more."

So Arthur took her hand and knelt beside her, and she looked her best, with all the soft lines matching the angelic beauty of her eyes. Then gradually her eyes closed, and she sank to sleep. For a little bit her breast heaved softly, and her breath came and went like a tired child's.

And then insensibly there came the strange change which I had noticed in the night. Her breathing grew stertorous, the mouth opened, and the pale gums, drawn back, made the teeth look longer and sharper than ever. In a sort of sleep-waking, vague, unconscious way she opened her eyes, which were now dull and hard at once, and said in a soft, voluptuous voice, such as I had never heard from her lips:---

"Arthur! Oh, my love, I am so glad you have come! Kiss me!" Arthur bent eagerly over to kiss her; but at that instant Van Helsing, who, like me, had been startled by her voice, swooped upon him, and catching him by the neck with both hands, dragged him back with a fury of strength which I never thought he could have possessed, and actually hurled him almost across the room.

"Not for your life!" he said; "not for your living soul and hers!" And he stood between them like a lion at bay.

Arthur was so taken aback that he did not for a moment know what to do or say; and before any impulse of violence could seize him he realised the place and the occasion, and stood silent, waiting.

I kept my eyes fixed on Lucy, as did Van Helsing, and we saw a spasm as of rage flit like a shadow over her face; the sharp teeth champed together. Then her eyes closed, and she breathed heavily.

Very shortly after she opened her eyes in all their softness, and putting out her poor, pale, thin hand, took Van Helsing's great brown one; drawing it to her, she kissed it. "My true friend," she said, in a faint voice, but with untellable pathos, "My true friend, and his! Oh, guard him, and give me peace!"

"I swear it!" he said solemnly, kneeling beside her and holding up his hand, as one who registers an oath. Then he turned to Arthur, and said to him: "Come, my child, take her hand in yours, and kiss her on the forehead, and only once."

Their eyes met instead of their lips; and so they parted.

Lucy's eyes closed; and Van Helsing, who had been watching closely, took Arthur's arm, and drew him away.

And then Lucy's breathing became stertorous again, and all at once it ceased.

"It is all over," said Van Helsing. "She is dead!"

I took Arthur by the arm, and led him away to the drawing-room, where he sat down, and covered his face with his hands, sobbing in a way that nearly broke me down to see.

I went back to the room, and found Van Helsing looking at poor Lucy, and his face was sterner than ever. Some change had come over her body. Death had given back part of her beauty, for her brow and cheeks had recovered some of their flowing lines; even the lips had lost their deadly pallor. It was as if the blood, no longer needed for the working of the heart, had gone to make the harshness of death as little rude as might be.

"We thought her dying whilst she slept,     And sleeping when she died."

I stood beside Van Helsing, and said:---

"Ah, well, poor girl, there is peace for her at last. It is the end!"

He turned to me, and said with grave solemnity:---

"Not so; alas! not so. It is only the beginning!"

When I asked him what he meant, he only shook his head and answered:---

"We can do nothing as yet. Wait and see."

Dirt In The Skirt - Chapter 3

Moodboard | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Many many thanks to @theministerskat for her beta skills and the title banner!

Charm and beauty school was almost as challenging as tryouts. While many of the girls were well versed in the proper conduct of being a lady, there were just as many girls who were not. But that didn’t stop Mrs. Graham from molding them into prim and proper shape. Starting off with the basics, the girls learned how to walk gracefully.

“Gracefully and grandly. Gracefully and grandly,” Mrs. Graham repeated, making them parade back and forth across the ballroom. Unwilling to settle for anything less than perfect, she chimed in again, “All right, lasses, now go back!”

When at last Mrs. Graham was satisfied with their walks, she moved on to table manners. They began by learning about the utensils on the table, and when it was appropriate to use each one, then the lesson quickly moved on to the proper way of sipping tea.

“And sip. Down. Don’t slurp, it isna ladylike. And sip.”

Last, but certainly not least, the girls were forced to repeatedly sit and stand to ensure that they did so with perfect posture. Keeping their heads up and backs straight, they were instructed on how to sit so that their legs were always together.

“Now place yer right ankle over yer left. A lassie avoids giving any laddie a wee keek up her skirt.”

Hearing a slight giggle from Geillis, Claire shot her a dirty look of warning before turning her attention back to Mrs. Graham.

I’d almost rather be doing drills in the hot sun than sit through any more of this.

Kicking the gravel beneath his feet, he made his way up the front walk. Jamie Fraser couldn’t help but wonder how his life had taken such a turn. He once had it all, a thriving baseball career with the Detroit Tigers, a home run record that no one could touch, and a shot at making it into the Baseball Hall of Fame. When he injured his knee, he had the promise of managing a team to fall back on. What did he have to show for it? His name was tainted by scandal. But at the end of the day, it had been his own fault. And now, he found himself at the mercy of his of his uncle, Colum Mackenzie. If he were honest with himself, he wasn’t particularly looking forward to this meeting. With a sigh, he rang the doorbell.

Weel, here goes nothing.

“Ah, Jamie lad,” Colum said as he opened the door. “Come in, come in. Let us head to the back, I want to show ye the grounds.”

Never wanting to be indebted to his uncle, Jamie could barely stomach the thought of having Colum bail him out yet again. If he had kept his head on straight, this magnificent house could have been his. Instead, mistake after mistake had led him to rely on what family he had left. With his thoughts so wrapped up in where his indiscretions had led him, he barely registered what Colum was saying to him.

“Jamie. Jamie, come now. I’m showing ye around. ‘Tis beautiful is it no? This place used to be a golf course. Now, I dinna fancy the game but the grounds are breathtaking.”

“Aye, uncle. It’s quite a sight,” he agreed amicably.

“Shall we get down to business then?” Colum asked, “I ken yer no’ here to see the landscaping. I’m thinking of giving you another managing job.”

“Ah. Thank ye, truly. I’ll do my best no’ to let ye down this time,” he replied sheepishly. “I ken I did on the last job.”

“Let me be blunt with ye. Are ye still a fan of the drink, lad?”

“No, sir. I’ve given it up.”

“Given it up, ye say?”

“Aye, on account that I canna afford it,” he said with a chuckle.

“Look, Jamie, I want ye to manage one of the new teams in the girls’ league.”

Jamie’s face formed an instant frown, taking his uncle by surprise.

“Come now, yer still a household name! Ye just need to step outside the dugout at the start of each game, and give the crowd a wave and a smile.”

“So ye want me to be your monkey? Will I be given an organ grinder as well?”

“That is my offer, Jamie. Take it or leave it. It matters no’ to me what ye choose.”

As the Boston Beauties busied themselves with preparations for their first game, you could almost feel the excitement that filled the locker room. There was a buzz of conversation, ranging from looking forward to taking the field, to curiously wondering about the elusive Jamie Fraser, who they had recently discovered to be their team manager.

“I canna believe that we are going to be managed by Jamie Fraser,” said Geillis as she placed her foot on the bench to tie her cleat.

“I remember listening to the radio when he hit the home run that clinched the pennant!” exclaimed Marjorie Mackenzie, who was the team’s right fielder.

Glancing at her watch as she placed it in her locker for safe keeping, Claire wondered where Mr. Fraser was. It was nearing game time, and he had yet to make his appearance.

As if her thoughts had summoned the man in question, Jamie Fraser came into the locker room like a man on a mission. Opening the door with such force, it crashed against the back wall, causing the team to jump in surprise. Without saying a word to anyone, or acknowledging anyone at all for that matter, he made his way to the rear of the room, and straight for the nearest urinal.

A collective gasp could be heard, as the women tried to comprehend what was happening.

“I can’t believe he is doing that. Louise, you’re the closest, do something!” demanded Annalise.

“Anna! Just what would you suggest I do?”

“If you won’t stop him, time him at least!”

Louise did as she was bid, and grabbed ahold of the watch that Annalise was holding out to her. Trying to keep one eye on the hands of the clock, and the other on Jamie, she began to time him.

When he was finally finished, he adjusted himself accordingly and without so much as a word to the team, Jamie exited the locker room.

Once she was sure the door was closed behind him, Louise proudly proclaimed her findings.

“Boy, that was some good peeing!”

After the awkward laughter died down, the girls stood there for a moment, not sure what to do.

“He didn’t g...give us a lineup. We can’t p...play without a lineup,” Mary managed to get out.

“Ye dinna need to worry,” Geillis said stepping up. “I’ll pitch.”

“But I thought I was going to be playing center field,” interjected Louise.

Within minutes they were all trying to shout over one another, in the hopes that they would be picked to play the position of their choice. Already feeling a headache coming on, Claire knew she needed to put a stop to this nonsense as quickly as possible.

“ENOUGH!” she yelled, gathering the team’s attention. Everyone fell silent. “There is no reason for us to be yelling over one another. How hard can it be to make a lineup?”

“Oh yeah? If you think it’s so easy then, why don’t you do it?” questioned Annalise.

“Alright then. Geillis, you take the mound. Louise, you’ve got center field. Now then, it’s time to play ball.”

“Welcome one and all to the first game of the newly formed All American Girls’ Baseball League! Playing today are The Hillsborough Hitters and your very own Boston Beauties! And now, let’s give a warm welcome to the manager of the Boston Beauties, former National League home run champ, Mr. Jamie Fraser!”

Jamie made his way out of the dugout. He wasn’t thrilled about being here. Especially after being out all night, drowning his sorrows in whatever whisky he could find. The last thing he wanted was to put on a show for a stadium that was only half filled with spectators. Taking his baseball cap off his head, he waved in the direction of the bleachers giving his best half smile.

“And now,” the announcer continued, “Let’s meet your Boston Beauties!”

The announcer began the roll call of the girls and their position as they made their way out onto the field. Claire noticed that the crowd was light, and tried to reason that it was only the first game. Attendance was sure to pick up. It was likely that most people would still be under the assumption that baseball was on hold. Those that did come out to see the game, however, seemed to be more interested in heckling the players rather than enjoying the game.

“Hey, glamour puss! What makes you think you can play baseball?” one particularly rude spectator shouted.

“A...are they l...laughing at us?” Mary squeaked out.

“Yes, Mary, they are. But we aren’t going to listen, okay? We are going to go out there and play ball,” Claire said trying to reassure the younger player. The last thing they needed now was Mary to lose what little confidence she had. “We can’t stop the hecklers, but we can keep our focus on the game.”

True to her word, the hecklers continued their abuse from the stands. Several remarks were made about the lack of abilities they were sure the girls had, as well as snide comments about how playing baseball would ruin their beautiful legs or cause them to break a nail.

Claire could tell that the team was doing their best to ignore the comments. As much as she wanted to throttle some of them, she knew it was inappropriate. She didn’t have to worry about it for long when she noticed that Marjorie seemed to have reached her limit, and lobbed the ball in the direction of the vilest offender. The ball was thrown with such precision that it connected directly with his head, causing him to sit down with his mouth now firmly shut.

Trying not to let the crowd see the smirk that formed across her face, she turned her attention back to the task at hand. This was their first game of the season, and Claire wanted to win. Punching the inside of her glove, she took her post as the team’s catcher, right behind home plate.

We’ll show ‘em how baseball is played.

They had played a good game, but we're currently tied 2-2. The tension was getting thick, neither team wanted to face defeat, especially for their first game.

It was the bottom of the ninth. Claire was at the plate, waiting for the perfect pitch. She currently had two balls and no strikes. Tapping the bat on the mound, before bringing it above her right shoulder, she took a deep breath and readied herself.

You’ve got this Beauchamp.

The result of her efforts barely registered in her mind before she was off, running as fast as she could around the bases. It wasn’t until she rounded third that she realized she had hit a home run, allowing the two Beauties already on base to make it home. As her feet hit home plate, she could hear the announcer call the game, marking that the Boston Beauties had won with a score of 5-2.

“Great coaching Jamie lad. I especially liked that part in the fifth inning where ye scratched yer bollocks for an hour,” stated Dougal Mackenzie, who was less than impressed with the management skills of his nephew before him.

“Weel, anything worth doing is worth doing right.”

“Aye. Up until that point, however, I dinna ken if ye were gone with the drink or gone for good.”

“Colum made it clear that I was to smile and wave at the crowd. He didna say I was required to do anything else. And while we are on the subject, when should I expect my first paycheck?”

“Maybe you should put some more effort into your ballplayers Jamie. Ye’ve a good group with strong players if ye’d only give them a chance.”

“I dinna have baseball players, I have girls. Girls are who ye sleep with after the game. Not who ye coach during the game, ye ken.” he grumbled.

“I ken ye used to be a household name lad. But now yer just washed up. Give the girls a chance, and ye might be able to save yer reputation after all.”

And with that final piece of advice, Dougal turned and left Jamie to think, alone in the dugout.

Monday, 16 April 1827

6 1/4

2 10/60

my bowels tolerably well – sat half asleep near half an hour on the pot – the washer woman came at 8 1/2 – settled with her in 5 minutes – 

at my desk at 8 35/60 – wrote the 2 last lines – read over Marian’s letter – from 7 55/60 to 10, wrote 2 pages and the ends, and under the seal to Marian – glad of the good account of themselves – so will not dwell upon the disagreeable intelligence of Northgate not being likely to let – trust Marian speaks generally, and has no reason to apply particularly to me what she observed about its being ‘very necessary if not absolutely necessary for a person of moderate fortune to live not very distant from their inheritance’ – If she or my father thought my presence necessary of course they would tell me so – 

‘we are now so comfortably settled, that I should have no difficulty in leaving my aunt for any length of time, that could be necessary – In fact, from harass, or anxiety, or 1 thing or other, I have been a little out of sorts lately, and mean to change the air a little by and by – what we shall do next year, it is as yet quite impossible to say – my aunt’s general health is certainly better here, than it was, or than those, who ought to know best, thought it would be, in England: – but I do not mean to say, that the complaint is, or is likely to be, driven away from her limbs – However by next spring, she will be better able to judge for herself – to me, so long as we are sufficiently within reach of our affairs, it is matter of indifference where we live – It is possible to be happy anywhere, if the mind be right – the loss of those whom we have all our lives been accustomed to see, is a greater loss than we may have imagined till it has been been tried; but even this may be got over, if there be adequate reason for it – I suspect that, as you grow older, you will let slip many of your own schemes of going here and there – Perhaps you have already 1/2 forgotten many of your dreams about St. Petersbourgh etc – ‘a rolling stone gathers no moss’ – If moss stands for money, nothing can be more true – we do pay dear for most things; and there are many things cheaper in England than here: – but we have no doctors’ bills to pay as yet; and perhaps we should not have saved much at the year’s end by going to any place in England, which has yet occurred to us – But saving is not the question – I am only anxious to do what is best for my aunt; and whatever she even fancies, be it what it may, we shall try – send our remembrances particularly to Mrs V– (Veitch) with a kind message from my aunt, and remembrances to all the principal of our connaissances – make what use you like of my remembrances at Market W– (Weighton); but do not forget Mrs Skelding – I conclude Mrs I– (Inman) is still at Lancaster – if they go to Hull to give my thanks etc to Mrs Knight for the Euripides Medea by Parson given me in remembrance of Mr K– (Knight) 

mention the reports in the French papers of yesterday (Journal des Debats) of Mr Canning’s being prime minister and to make his own cabinet – and how all the liberal French are delighted – read over my letter wrote the above (except the 1st 1 1/2 lines) folded and directed my letter to ‘Miss Marian Lister Shibden hall, H–x (Halifax), Yorkshire Angleterre, post payé’ and sent it in to my aunt to read all which took me till 10 40/60 – 

from then to 11 10/60 at breakfast – then sent back volume 10 Anquetils précis de l’histoire universelle ‘à Madame Madame Sené avec les compliments and les remerciennes de Mademoiselle Lister’ written on the paper in which the back was folded – then sent off my letter to Marian (vide 4th line above) at 11 20/60 – then finish dressing –

Talking to my aunt – considering what things should be got, etc etc went out at 1 – Took George with me – bought several things at Bertrand’s – Sardines à l’huile not in season – for they should be fresh to be put in oil (and Bertrand had not any), and would not come in of 3 months – En passant chez Lesueur (rue des Petit Champs No. Number 31.) saw some nice looking beef (ribs) asked the price 10 sols a lb. (pound) – bought 6 1/2 lbs. (pounds) they were giving me a lb. (pound) of rejouissance at 9 sols – would not have – then must pay 1 sol a lb. (pound) more for the beef – did so – asked the price of mutton – 14 sols a lb. (pound) – nice but not so small as Mignand’s – 

just before entering the place des Victoires turned to the right down to the passage Verododat – thro’ it, and came out into the rue St. Honoré opposite the oration – En passant went into No. 82 rue St. Denis près celle des Lombards – large wholesale confections shop – only asked me 3/50 a lb. (pound) for fine chinois, the same for apricots – the latter not yet egouttés – bought a lb. (pound) of the former determining to make this my shop – for marmalade d’abricots and all such things 2/. a lb. (pound) – the little pots I buy said to contain 3 oz. (ounces) less than a lb. (pound) – 2 francs a lb. (pound) = 2 1/2 sols an oz (ounce) – at this rate I am right to buy of Bertrand’s – I only give 32 sols. for 13 oz. (ounces) and have the pot – from the confection’s (B. Perrot Pezé), to No. 1. rue des Lombards – bought 3 lbs. (pounds) tea, and sent home George – 

sauntered down the rue d’Arcis, and to the Marché au Gibier – a woman asked me 18 sols for fineish skewered pigeons (Bertrand said I ought to have very good at 1/. but there from 14 sols to 30 sols!), I could have got them easily for 15 sols, but only offered 12 sols – then strolled along the Quais looking at prints and maps as I passed – the troops reviewed by the king today in the Champ de Mars – a crowd about the port royal (de Louis 16) etc – thro‘ the gardens – just got under the arcade in time (at 4) to Escape a shower – detained there perhaps 20 minutes – the channels in the streets full of water – obliged to cross (from the rue neuve de Luxembourg) over the little communion show in the rue Richepanse – beginning to rain again just before I got home –

came in at 4 1/2 – Monsieur and Madame Sené with my aunt in her bedroom about her bed on account of bugs – they must come from MacDonald’s bed – Madame S– (Sené) now recollects the nurse had this bed once (last year) in a 4rième when they were from home, and she complained much of bugs – the bois de lit is to be taken away and MacDonald to have another – all very civil – talked a while to my aunt – 

came to my room at 4 50/60 – wrote the last 20 lines – settled with George, – and went out (to Mrs B–‘s Barlow’s to dine) at 5 35/60 sent George at 5 20/60 to be then to wait till 7 and then come back to my aunt – washed my hands and changed shoes and stockings at Mrs B–‘s (Barlow’s) – Miss Gauntlet had been there some time – 

Dinner at 6 1/4 – sent George home in about an hour from then – peas soup maigre – hind 1/4 lamb, and vol au vent at 4 /. asparagées and mashed potatoes – then a Charlotte Russe (a cream enclosed in a pretty pudding-like mould of savoy biscuits) at 5/. For dessert oranges – biscuits and rout cakes almonds and raisins – tea about 9 – joking Miss G– (Gauntlet) about being a physionist – she said there was something wicked in the corner of my eye – I said there was something ditto in the left corner of her left eye – she had heard it remarked before – she said there was something wicked in the corner of Mrs B–‘s (Barlow’s) eye, but it was more hid there in mine – joked Mrs B– (Barlow) about Miss G–‘s (Gauntlet’s) having given her the name of ‘latent wicked’ – 

got to talking about Switzerland – had the map out – mentioned our 1st intention of going by Strasbourg – would do very well – Miss G– (Gauntlet) saw Chamouny 16 August – by all means cross the tête noir, but dangerous too early or late in the season – If not go, return by Lyons – very well worth seeing – Dijon a pretty little town – the Deux Cloches there one of the best Inns, and reasonable, Miss G– (Gauntlet) has been at on the continent – At Geneva the Crown very good – will get all sorts of information there but be generally be guided by the Guide book – this always the best – not interested to advise this way or that – 3 days quite enough for Venice – she bought prints of Parni at Florence – Morgan the best and dearest; but the English turned over his portfolio, and said so much inquiry without purchasing, he will not let them do so now – a Miss Trail Travelled thro’ Italy by herself – had 30 letters of recommendation, and thus went from house to house – a singular genius for painting – copies all the famous heads, Raphael’s mistress, Titians Flora. etc etc in miniature – has left her family to study painting in Italy – a gentlewoman – now at Rome – copies most beautifully – many of her things likely to make a great noise in England when she returns – sat talking Till 12 – George had been waiting since 9 1/4 – sent him for a fiacre for Miss G– (Gauntlet) 

got home at 12 1/4 – sat up looking over my French cookery books – some useful information in the confiseur moderne about bottling wine – [O two dots, marking discharge from venereal complaint] – Miss G– Gauntlet strongly recommends all persons travelling to get as many and good letters of introduction as they can –

left margin: Fahrenheit 50 at 7 1/2 44 1/2 at 12 1/4 tonight Fine morning then threatening rain – smartish shower about 4 to 4 1/2 – afterwards fair –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/10/0081, SH:7/ML/E/10/0082

Three Sides to the Story - Chapter 13

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Pairings: Adrien/Marinette Marinette/Chat Noir Summary: It’s been almost three years since Adrien Agreste walked out of Marinette’s life. An accidental meeting at a party starts a course of events that will either drive them together or further apart. Meanwhile, Plagg and Tikki have had enough of their holders’ indecision and obliviousness.

Read on A03

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7| Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12

5th April - before sunrise

Cat Noir ran.

He didn’t know what else to do. He needed to think.

He had returned home from Marinette’s and paced for what felt like hours before deciding that the best way to clear his head would be to get out of his house.

He transformed and vaulted out the window and ascended the first building he reached. Running on the rooftops up Rue de Rivoli, he barely took in his surroundings as he passed Le Louvre. He didn’t have a route in mind, he simply ran, bounding over the gaps in the hotels, shops and apartment buildings. The lights of the Champs Elysees were like a beacon and before he knew it, he was leaping the Place Charles de Gaulle to land lightly on the top of the Arc de Triomphe.

Leaning over, hands on knees, Cat Noir caught his breath. The cold night air stung his lungs, but he didn’t care. Looking south from his vantage point, he took in the beauty of the Eiffel Tower and remembered he and Ladybug’s first battle there, against Stoneheart. He recalled the pep talk he gave Ladybug after she saved Chloe’s life.

“... without you, she'd no longer be here. And because without us, they won't make it, and we'll prove that too .”

He asked her to trust him and she did, every day onwards.  When Hawkmoth’s face appeared in thousands of black butterflies, Cat was suddenly less sure of everything he had told his Lady, though. Then, watching her stand up to Hawkmoth and purify those akumas was a sight to behold. That was the moment he fell in love with Ladybug.

And then there was Marinette. She came into her life on the same day he fell for Ladybug, but until he accepted that he and LB would never be together without knowing each other’s identity, he’d never thought of her as any more than a great friend. Until he’d fallen for Marinette, he hadn’t considered that he might have a ‘type’, but both were incredibly similar. He was attracted to plucky, determined and creative women with midnight hair, bluebell eyes, and cute freckles.

While he was thinking about Marinette, how did she know about his pep talk with Ladybug? It was never on the Ladyblog, no TV cameras caught the moment. Unless Ladybug herself told her about it. He wanted to ask her about it that evening but knew that doing so would require more explanation than it would yield answers.

And then there were the nicknames. Only two people called him ‘Chaton’, ‘kitty’ and ‘minou’; Ladybug and Marinette. He knew they weren’t exactly a stretch, given his feline form, but it was still odd.

Unless.

No.

Could she..?

No.

»»————-————-««

6th April

[23.00] Alya: Tomorrow. Lunch. Bears and Raccoons. 12pm. No excuses!!!

[23.01] Marinette: Cool. Got to leave by 2, that ok?

[23.01] Alya: Yeah, no problem.

[23.02] Marinette: À demain!

»»————-————-««

[23.00] Nino: Dude, I have news. Please tell me you’re free for lunch tomorrow?

[23.00] Adrien: Oh, the intrigue! Yeah, I should be free. I’m doing a charity fashion show for Gabriel in the evening, but don’t have to be there until 4pm.

[23.01] Nino: Haha! I like to keep you guessing ;)  Does 12 work for you?

[23.01] Adrien: Sounds good to me. Where?

[23.02] Nino: Do you know Bears and Raccoons? On Rue Richard Lenoir.

[23.02] Adrien: Love that place!

[23.03] Nino: Same here. I totally know what I’m having already.

[23.03] Adrien: Bro, you’re making me hungry!

[23.04] Nino: I make no apologies. See you tomorrow :)

[23.05] Adrien: À demain!

»»————-————-««

7th April

“Hey,” Adrien waved to Marinette as she entered the cafe. “Are you meeting Alya and Nino too?”

“Yes. I thought I was late, but if I’m not the last here, I count that as on time.” She grinned, pulling up a seat next to him.

“So, how have you been?” He asked awkwardly.

“Good, thanks. You?”

“Fine.” Oh God, why was this so difficult? He’d been hanging out with Marinette a couple of times a week recently so why was it so strange? “Um, I meant to thank you, actually.” “Really? What for?” She asked.

“For keeping quiet about my visit to your place. I don’t think Nino would ever let me forget it if he knew I turned up at yours, cried, threw up, then fell asleep in your bed.” He looked at her, “I can’t believe you slept on the floor.”

“Honestly, it’s fine. You repaid the favour when you carried me up to Alya’s apartment, I doubt they’d have got me up the stairs without you.” She said.

Silence fell between them and they smiled at each other. The self-consciousness he felt when she arrived had dissipated and they relaxed into each other’s company. When Nino and Alya arrived, ten minutes later, giggly and red-faced with wrinkled clothing, Adrien and Marinette shared a knowing look.

“You guys are about a subtle as a brick to the window, you know,” Marinette said.

“Now, now. Just because you’re not getting any, doesn’t mean you can hate on us.” Alya arched an eyebrow.

“Well, actually…” Marinette started to say. “No. You’re right, I can’t begrudge you getting yours. I know it’s been a while since anyone scratched my itch.”

Adrien swore she gave him a sideways glance at that. He knew the suit’s limitations were leaving him frustrated, but he had never considered that Marinette felt the same. He didn’t trust himself not to give away his identity if he de-transformed with her, no matter what safeguards he put in place. The times he and Ladybug had de-transformed in front of each other were risky enough, but to do it with a civilian? No, he wouldn’t.

“Anyway.” He said loudly, changing the subject, “shall we order so you guys can tell us why we’re here?”

“Good idea.” Nino agreed.

The two men went to the counter to order sandwiches for the table. Marinette insisted on pushing a €10 note into his hand, in spite of Adrien’s best attempts to treat her. Once they were all back at the table, they poured their drinks. Nino and Alya each had a beer, while Marinette and Adrien drank sparkling water.

“Ok, so the reason we asked you two here today,” Alya said, “is because Nino and I are getting married.”

Squealing commenced. Mostly from Marinette, but Adrien was secure enough in his own masculinity to admit that he also squee-ed. Next to him, Marinette was firing questions at the couple.

“When? Where? Are you having toasts somewhere? What are you thinking for the dress?” She asked. Adrien couldn’t help but watch the freckles on her nose as her face crinkled with excitement.

“Ok, calm down girl.” Alya laughed. “In a month from now, the Mairie here in 11eme arrondissement, yes, but we haven’t decided where yet - mum wants to cater the party so we’ll probably do it at our place if we can squeeze everyone in. And, I was going to ask you to take care of the dress, if you have the time?”

“I have so many ideas.” Marinette grabbed a notebook from her bag and started scribbling a couple of initial sketches. Adrien could think of a few designs she had shown him three nights ago that would suit Alya’s body shape. He made a mental note to point them out to Marinette next time he visited as Cat Noir.

“Congratulations, man.” He said to Nino as they fist-bumped. “I’m so happy for you.” And, he was. Sure, he fleetingly felt like the world was moving forward with their lives while he kept treading water, but he was genuinely chuffed for his friend.

“Thanks, bro. I was hoping you’d be my witness. What do you say?” Nino said.

“Of course!” Adrien beamed, “I’d be honoured.”

“And, obviously, I want you to be mine, Mari,” Alya added.

“Really?” She looked up from her notebook. “I’d love to. Thank you.” She looked overwhelmed, like she was trying not to cry with happiness. Adrien knew how she felt.

Their sandwiches arrived and the four tucked into lunch. Chattering happily about wedding plans and Adrien’s fashion show that night, time moved quickly until Marinette got up to leave. Glancing at the time, he decided he should go too. He was required at the runway rehearsals at 4pm and his father wouldn’t tolerate tardiness. He decided to order a couple of lattes to go while Marinette packed her notebook in her bag and hugged her friends goodbye.

They stepped out of the cafe together and Adrien handed Marinette one of the coffee cups. She took it gratefully, admitting that she’d pulled a few late nights to get a design finished. They reached the end of the street and the Gorilla was waiting in the limo.

Her face lit up when he asked, “can I give you a ride somewhere?”

“Um, well, I’m going as far as Rue de Lisbonne/Rue Rembrandt but just drop me wherever is convenient.” She said.

They were headed to practically the same location so Adrien settled into his seat.

“It’s great news, Nino and Alya, tying the knot.” He observed.

“Absolutely.” She agreed. “They’re a great team.”

“I know Alya’s going to have the greatest wedding dress ever.” She smiled at that. Emboldened, he continued. “I bet you’ve already got a hundred designs that would fit the bill as a wedding dress.”

“But only a month to pull it all together.” She frowned.

“If anyone can do it, it’s you, Mari.” He realised he had his hand on her shoulder and he removed it.

She opened her mouth to say something, then appeared to change her mind. She bit her lip and searched his face. Unsure what he’d said to prompt this study, he tried to keep his face impassive.

“I thought this would be more awkward.” She finally said. “You and I have barely spoken in over two years until recently so it should be weird. It’s not, though. It’s like chatting with an old friend.”

Conscience pricked at him and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He had a unique perspective on these matters, but it wasn’t one he was willing to share.

Gorilla pulled up on the corner of Rembrandt and Lisbonne and Marinette thanked them both for the ride before getting out and walking smartly into the street and out of view.

»»————-————-««

Walking towards Rue de Courcelles, Marinette felt an unfamiliar weight in her bag. Snapping it open, she found two kwamis in an embrace.

“Guys. Your enduring love is adorable and all, but you’re going to break my purse at this rate.” She whispered. “Adrien’s going to be looking for you, Plagg.”

“So what?” He floated up and settled into the collar of her jacket. “You’re both going to the same place.”

“We were just discussing how successful your campaign to mess with Adrien is.” Tikki added and settled into the other side of her collar.

“Please. I’m feeling really bad about it all now.” She admitted.

“Not at all. You could go bigger if you like.” Plagg said. “You’ve got him squirming. He’s wondering how much he might have given away about his identity. Plus, he’s in a tizz over the whole thing about how you weren’t over him until Cat Noir kissed you. He thinks he cock-blocked himself.”

“Plagg!” Tikki admonished. Marinette just laughed.

“I just, I still don’t understand why he was so upset about my friendship with Cat Noir when he knew all along that it was totally innocent.” She mused. It was the thing that was bothering her the most.

Plagg sighed. “Adrien’s life is strictly controlled, his father dictates every element of his schedule, even now. He had to behave a certain way in public because he’s the face of Gabriel Fashion.” “I know this, Plagg.”

“I know, but you don’t know what happened when he became Cat Noir.” Plagg continued. “He tasted freedom for the first time and he could be whoever he wanted to be. He let himself be the goofy, emotional, funny, unselfish, cocksure and heroic guy that was always there, under the surface. For him, Adrien and Cat Noir were opposite ends of the scale. He is both, but he struggles with that. If he had the choice, I honestly think he’d be Cat Noir forever and leave Adrien behind.”

A tear ran down Marinette’s cheek as the reality of Adrien’s situation hit home.

“He thought you liked Cat Noir more than you liked Adrien because that’s how he feels,” Plagg said.

“Thank you for explaining that to me, Adrien’s lucky to have you in his life,” Marinette told the black cat kwami.

“I know,” He purred, “Will you tell him that for me? I don’t think he realises how great I am.”

They reached the hotel where the fashion show was being held. It had a beautiful art deco ballroom that was being artfully lit when she’d popped in earlier that morning to show Gabriel her dress. They were starting to construct the temporary catwalk when she left for lunch so that should be ready to go by now.

Flashing her ID at the staff entrance, she wandered through the labyrinthine corridors of the hotel until she reached the staging area. Gabriel noticed her arrive and waved her over.

“Mlle. Dupain-Cheng, your dress is exquisite.” He told her. “Modern, elegant and unique. It’s more than I asked for.”

She blushed at the compliment. “Thank you, M. Agreste. I worked hard on it.” “There aren’t many young designers who can design and create and piece like this in such a short timeframe. You will be an asset to the fashion house that snaps you up.” He looked across the room and saw that the models were milling into the ballroom. “Ah, time to get started.”

Marinette grabbed her notebook from her bag and opened it at a fresh page. She stayed a few paces behind Gabriel, trying to blend into the background. He stood tall, hands behind his back and waited until the assembled models fell silent. She was in awe of the respect he commanded. She knew he had a reputation of being a difficult man to get along with, and she knew, now more than ever, how oppressive Adrien found his home life, but Gabriel had revealed a more caring side to her and she felt compelled to prove herself worthy of it.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Gabriel spoke. “May I take this opportunity to thank you all for giving your time to such a worthy cause. This may be a charity event, but we owe it to the audience to make sure it is a slickly run, professional show. I ask each of you to pay attention to Nathalie as she explains the running order, then get acquainted with the dresser you have been assigned. We will have a run through at 5pm sharp, but you will not wear the outfits until the show proper at 9pm. Please ensure you avail yourself to your dresser for fitting, if your pieces require alteration I’d prefer that was dealt with sooner rather than later. Nathalie? If you will.”

At that, he turned on his heel and walked back to the backstage area. Marinette followed. A smattering of applause followed them as they went. She saw a group of familiar faces huddled in the corner of the room.

“Ah, your team is here, Miss Marinette.” Gabriel gestured towards the group. “Students from ESMOD, here to lend a hand with alterations and dressing.”

He handed her a list of names. Model’s names in one column matched to a student in another. She looked at a row of mirrored tables lining the back of the area, each chair had a name taped to it. Plan in place, she approached her peers and cleared her throat to get their attention.

“Everyone? Thank you for so generously agreeing to volunteer your time tonight. I promise it will be a valuable experience. Getting behind the scenes at a fashion show is what we live for, right?” This was met by chuckles from most of the team. “I have here a list of the models each of you will be required to dress. Please take a moment to locate their makeup chair here,” she waved towards the bank of lights and mirrors, “and their outfits here.” She pointed to racks of clothing on the opposite wall.

Earnest nodding and note-taking answered her. She smiled at the awed eagerness of her classmates, it was an emotion she recognised in herself every time she was backstage at the Palais de Garnier.

“Let’s keep access to the catwalk free, ok? Only use that area for quick changes. I suggest you watch the rehearsal at 5pm and take notes. You need to know when your model is due to walk and what they should be wearing. In the meantime, your model should come and find you for final fittings. If you have items that need to be altered, let me know and we can share the workload. Yes?” She said.

“Yes!” The group echoed back at her. She lifted the list and started reading. As each student heard their own name and their model counterpart, she was pleased to see them split from the group to find their assigned makeup chair and selection of outfits.

“Lucinda?” She called, “you will be dressing Claudine. Marc? You will be dressing Paul. Agnès, you have Zoe. Adam, you’re dressing Axel. Leo’s with Hugo. Léonie, you’ve got Mimi. Honoré, you have Chantelle. Estée has Fay… and I will be dressing Anaïs… and Adrien.”

She finished as the models were ushered into the staging area. They were hesitant, not sure how things were going to work so Marinette grabbed a chair and readied herself to climb on it. Adam and Agnès, two of her best friends at ESMOD, took her hands and helped her ascend the chair gracefully.

“Hi, everyone? My name is Marinette, I’m coordinating the backstage effort tonight. Please, go to your allocated makeup chair and your dresser will come and introduce themselves to you. I’m sure you understand that time is of the essence when it comes to alterations so do assist your dresser by making that a priority. I ask that you try on your pieces before the rehearsal so that we can ensure that everything looks awesome on you for the final show. Thanks.” She looked at her friends and smiled.

Agnès grinned back at her and placed her hands on Marinette’s hips. She supported herself on Agnès’s shoulders as the blonde lifted her off her makeshift stage.

“Thanks for arranging this, Mar,” her friend said. “It’s the most amazing experience. We’re all stoked.”

“You know me, I like to share the love when I can.” Marinette joked.

Agnès’s eyebrows quirked.

»»————-————-««

Adrien wasn’t sure who he was maddest at, his father for not telling him that Marinette would be at the fashion show (running things backstage, no less), Marinette for not thinking to mention it on the limo ride across town, or the tall blonde girl whose arms Marinette was currently laughing in.

She said tall blondes were her ‘type’ and this girl fit the bill. “Jealousy’s a bitch”, he’d said the other night and yet, here he was, envious of the girl who was holding Marinette in her arms. He watched her doodle something in her notepad before ripping out the page and folding it up. Marinette slipped the paper in her friend’s jeans back pocket and slapped her ass as she walked away. The girl took the note out, unfolded it and laughed, then carefully refolded it and placed it back in her pocket. Whatever had passed between them, they were obviously close and once more, Adrien was reminded of how much he was no longer a part of her life.

He found his makeup chair, wondering which fashion student would be his dresser. It looked like males were dressing males and vice versa, but a quick count suggested they were one short. Perhaps he’d be with the classmate Marinette dated. He tried to work out which of the two blonde males in the group was Adam.

Snap out of it, Adrien. Be professional. He scolded himself. He knew Plagg would have some choice words if he knew about his jealousy. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen his kwami for a while…

“Hi, I’m Marinette, I’ll be dressing you tonight.” He watched as she introduced herself to Anaïs, the stunning redhead seated next to him. “If you’re ready, I’d like to check that your outfits all fit. Would you like to come with me?”

She was incredibly competent at this job, even though he was sure his father had thrown her in at the deep end. Gabriel adopted a ‘sink or swim’ approach to mentoring and liked to observe how his trainees coped in difficult situations.

A hand on his knee got his attention. “Earth to Adrien,” Marinette smiled, “I’m dressing you as well so as soon as I’ve sorted out Anaïs, I’ll be back for you, ok?”

As soon as her back was turned, he fist-pumped the air in celebration. It was an inopportune time for his father to look his way.

Gabriel’s mouth curled into a knowing smile. It was deeply disconcerting.

river, part three [starx]

Hellooooooo

Finally wrapped up part three! Phew, got a little lost in writing it, especially because I want the characters to feel real and I don’t want to get wrapped up in too much plot.  I wanted to get this out of the way before I put up Chapter 5 of Liability, so that I can continue editing and writing with a clear conscience <3 Parts one and two are linked here and at the bottom in case a refresher is needed. 

take note of the following: stubborn laptop + late writing = formatting issues. bear with me, edits shall be made. Story is post-tokyo, sans kiss, slightly aged up Titans...lots and lots and LOTS of love for @fireflyxrebel who never fails to gush and fangirl and make me cry with her insanely kind words. Show her some love, she’s written some pretty incredible fic. <3 <3 <3

I invite and appreciate critiques, requests, reblogs, and reviews! even the tiny ones :) <3

without further ado, part three, my friends. 

A couple of days passed and I was still a little lost on how to plan the date. I was out of practice as it was, it had been a while since I’d had to put in the effort to impress a girl. And I don’t mean that like, “I’m a fucking champ at getting laid without even trying”. I honestly have no idea where to begin.

It couldn’t be outside; we would meet too early in the day and I wasn’t about to greet her maskless. That ruled out a picnic or a restaurant or the movies. I couldn’t take her to the botanical gardens or go stargazing on the beach.

I didn’t think it would be a good idea to bring her back to my place. She’d probably kill me anyway, thinking that I was presuming.

Eventually, I settled on an old planetarium that was partially in the process of being remodeled. Construction had been halted for about a month already, due to some issues between the co-owners. Didn’t matter to me, I had a spot and I had an idea.

Starfire and I hadn’t talked much since our conversation a few nights ago. She wanted to keep our communications lowkey and preferred that we text at night when the other Titans weren’t around to peek over her shoulder or express interest in who she was speaking with. It made things easier for us both, especially because I worked long hours during the day. Not that she knew that piece of information. If she did, she’d never quit on the little redemption story she’s trying to write me into.

I could picture her, gorgeous eyes wide, our hands clasped together, asking me why I did what I did. If I ever let it get there, I wouldn’t be able to resist telling her. And that was something I wasn’t willing to risk.

I thought about not going on the date. Never giving her a time or place, or worse, blowing her off completely. Prove to her I’m as terrible as I want to be. Kill the hope she has for me.

But it’s Starfire. I could never do that to her.

I kept thinking about all of our interactions over the years, brief and non. The first time I had her pinned to the wall, her expression shifting from confused to furious before I could finish my suggestion. The night we found ourselves trapped in a LexCorp vault, her fingers gripping my arms as we were squished into a corner, surrounded by various menacing devices. Her look of wonder when I caught her from a nasty fall a few months back, the surprise in her eyes when she realized I wasn’t Boy Blunder.

Jesus Christ, I was totally gone, wasn’t I?

Fuck.

I had a job I needed to do that night. I’d trip an alarm and get her attention, pull her aside and tell her the whole thing was off. It was stupid of me to suggest in the first place. And it was stupider of her to accept.

I preferred to not compromise the assignment, but she’d already made it clear that it was difficult to sneak out at night. Once the Titans finished patrol, they returned to the Tower and went into total lockdown. If a window or door was opened or broken, Cyborg would get the alert. That had been news to me, and I realized that their security had probably been heightened since the theft of the suit and everything else that followed.

That evening, I broke into a private laboratory. Wasn’t too heavily guarded, I counted five, maybe six security officers stationed around the perimeter of the building, and three patrolling the halls inside. Lots of cameras, but I could mess with the feed by transmitting an older tape on a loop to the surveillance room. I was careful not to use my belt while I made my way to the main lab. There were energy sensors set up all over, designed to bring attention to any odd bursts of power that might be expelled across the premises. I fucking hate scientists sometimes.

No confrontations occurred. A+ for me. I made it into the central lab with ease, keying in the numbers my client had instructed me to use. It was a circular room with several stations, each one cluttered with tools and paperwork. Red lasers crisscrossed the area, but there were little pockets of space around the tables. Towards the back of the lab, there were wide glass windows mounted on the paneled wall, but it was too dark to see what was behind them.

“Here we go,” I muttered, cracking my knuckles and shaking out my hands. One run, not too challenging.

I leaped forward, careful to avoid the scarlet lines that cut through the air. Every action was precise, my hands and feet never lingering on the ground for more than a few seconds. I used the momentum of each handspring to push myself forward, each jump allowing me to twist through the air, clear of any obstacles.

I stumbled a little when I landed, bracing myself against the wall, relief washing over me when I realized I hadn’t tripped any alarms.

I ran my fingers along the grooves in the wall, pulling gently to see if any would budge. There was supposed to be a door to the main office somewhere…

I heard a faint click, and the panel I was gripping hissed open. Sweet.

I was in and out pretty quickly. My day job taught me some pretty cool tricks, including how to hack an “impenetrable” firewall. I accessed the desktop and downloaded several encrypted files onto a pair of flash-drives I’d brought with me. One for the client, and one for me, so I could see what I’d gotten myself into. Shut down the computer, slipped out of the office, closed the door - easy. Getting the Titans here, isolating Starfire, and keeping what I came for - that would be hard.

I darted through the lasers, flinching when the klaxon alarm screeched. I shoved the door open and hit the center of my belt quickly, teleporting to the roof. And then, I waited.

----

I had been lying on the sofa with my legs hooked over the side, deeply engrossed in a romance novel when the Titan alert rang. I glanced up, unsurprised to find Robin glaring at the console.

“Red X,” he said scathingly, turning to address the rest of us. I did not listen to what he said, my eyes immediately finding Raven’s.

I did not wish for X to come to any harm. Perhaps I was being foolish, but I would feel I had failed him if I did not follow through with our arrangement.

My anger flared for a moment - it was unfair that he had not even considered my offer, or at least avoided thievery prior to the date.

“Clorbag,” I grumbled, crossing my arms.

“ - all of us, so Starfire and I can go instead.”

I snapped to attention, “What?”

Robin shrugged, “Nothing was reported stolen, so I don’t think all of are required for this one. You and I can bring him in. It’ll make up for Monday night.” He gave me a half-smile when he said that, quiet butterflies awakening in my stomach. I rarely felt that way around him anymore.

“I do not think-”

“Awwww, ain’t that cute,” Cyborg grinned, nudging Beast Boy, “takin’ down criminals together.”

“I would like to go alone if that is okay,” I said meekly.

Robin tilted his head, confusion evident on his face, “What? Why? Starfire, you can’t go without backup.”

“I will be brief, I promise, I would simply like to have the ‘words’ with him.” It was not a lie, I planned on speaking with him, although it may not have been what Robin thought.

“Red X does go pretty easy on her,” Raven added helpfully, “if you want, I can go with. Keep an eye on her.”

I disliked that phrasing, but I was grateful for her assistance.

Robin pursed his lips, “I don’t want-”

“We do not have the luxury of time,” I interjected.

He sighed and hung his head, “just go.”

I nodded and flew to Raven’s side. Moments later, her powers engulfed us, carrying us to the location Robin had instructed us to investigate.

“Alright,” she said upon arrival, placing her hands on her hips, “what do you want me to do here?”

“Accept my humble gratitude with a hug and keep the security officers busy while I find X.”

She rolled her eyes, “The second one I can do. Save your hugs for later. Keep him out of trouble.”

I did not smile - it seemed that he could not help but get himself into trouble time and time again.

Raven spoke with the guards, which allowed me the opportunity to fly around the building. I could not find any broken windows or weaknesses in structure, which made me wonder if he had left the building at all.

As I floated higher, I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye.

Of course he was waiting on the roof.

I landed softly, allowing energy to flood my eyes with fury. This was truly disappointing to find.

He had been peering over the edge cautiously, but once he was aware of my presence, he shot up and faced me, a hand hovering in front of his belt. He relaxed when he realized I was the only one.

“Starfire.”

X’hal, I cannot explain how much I enjoyed hearing him say my name. It was strange, there was a gentle lilt to his tone, a soothing quality that calmed me. My eyes dimmed slightly, but I did not relinquish the blaze completely.

“Red X.”

“You sound unhappy, beautiful. Am I not what you wanted?”

I was taken aback by the bitterness in his voice. I had only heard it once before, on an occasion I doubt he even remembers.

We were battling the Hive Five. I had been knocked out of the air, and in my panic, forgot to fly. I still relied on Robin, back then, and often put myself in his way in hopes that he might catch me.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I neared the ground, bracing for the impact that never came.

Arms had caught me. I had touched his chest and quietly murmured, “Robin”. I felt him chuckle, and in a low voice, whisper, “not quite, Cutie.”

My eyes opened to find my savior was someone else entirely.

“Red X!” I squeaked.

He set me down gently, and in the same tired, bitter inflection, replied, “Sorry to disappoint,” before shimmering into the midst of the fight.

It hurt to hear him speak that way.

“I am disappointed that you thought you could continue to commit crimes, despite our-”

“Agreement? Starfire, you made this happen. You pushed me into it. I didn’t want a date,” he said sourly.

I raised my eyebrow, “this was not your goal? Then please, X, explain the flirting. Explain the constant requests. Explain the kindness you show me, the compassion you show only me.”

“I’m teasing, cutie. It’s what I do. I mess around. I steal, I cheat, I lie. Get over it.”

His words sounded rehearsed and detached. I had been on the receiving end of such words before.

“I do not accept that.”

He shrugged, “your problem, not mine. See you around, cutie.”

I growled and launched myself at him, throwing my arms around him as his fist hit the center of his belt.

He yelped in protest, but it was too late.

We landed in a tangled mess on soft carpet, my hands still gripping him tightly as he fumbled around in the dark.

I loosened my hold and rolled away from him, feeling my surroundings until I found a wall. I leaned against it and rose.

“Where are we?”

He cursed, but did not move to turn on the lights, “my apartment.”

That interested me.

“Oh, wonderful. Perhaps now you will be willing to sit and talk.”

“Nothing to discuss. You’re leaving.”

“You think so?” I asked, stretching my hand out hesitantly. I found his arm and curled my fingers around his hand.

“I’ll make you leave,” he said tonelessly, removing his hand from mine. He moved closer and settled his palms on my biceps, wary of holding me too tight.

“I would like to see you try,” I retorted.

He made a little noise of frustration and dropped his hands, “Jesus, Starfire, why are you being so difficult? It was stupid of you to ask, it was stupid of me to accept. Let it go. I can’t be what you want.”

“Cannot or will not?”

“Does it matter?” He asked incredulously, “Bottom line, nothing’s different. This...whatever, never happened.”

“But you wanted it to.”

“Of course I did,” he exploded, backing away from me, “how could I not? But I’m not an idiot. You can’t be around someone like me. You can’t make me change, you can’t ‘fix’ me or make me think you’re interested in me so that you get what you want. Heroes and thieves don’t play nice.”

“You have,” I pointed out, trying to ignore the pain his familiar words brought me.

He let out a bark of laughter, though it was clear he found no humor in this, “you got me there, cutie, that changes everything.”

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, the faint shapes of the furniture surrounding us becoming more evident to me.

X was leaning against a...couch? An armchair, it seemed, once I squinted. I kept my distance, drawing circles on the wall behind me absentmindedly.

“I am more than just a hero,” I said finally, “I have heard your words before. All this talk of being one thing...humans are so much more complex than that.”

“You’re more than just a hero,” he agreed, “but beautiful, I am what I am.”

“Not without purpose.”

“What is it with you? Give it up already,” he snarled, “why do you trust me so much?”

“You have had too many opportunities to hurt me and my friends. Instead, you have protected us. Protected me,” I paused, “I will not push you to be ‘fixed’. Trust means I must have faith that you are doing what you must.”

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“I still want the date.”

He tilted his head, “what?”

I gave him a tiny smile, “I have often heard the phrase ‘do not mix business with pleasure’. I should not have coupled my heroic agenda with my personal agenda. Our date shall commence as planned, with no talk of you joining the Titans.”

He shifted uncomfortably, tugging at the collar of his suit, “Ah, cutie -”

“You have already admitted you would like to date me. Is it so farfetched to think I could feel the same?” The words spilled from my mouth before I could stop myself. I flushed, thankful for the darkness.

He stiffened and fell silent. I could almost see him working through my words, deciding if he should believe me or not.

“No,” he said finally. I was relieved to hear amusement trickling into his tone, “I guess not.”

“Wonderful. Please take me back to the laboratory, now,” I stretched out my hand expectantly.

He took it and tugged me into him, settling his arm around my waist, “anything for you, beautiful.”

We landed on the roof of the building far more gracefully. He released me from his grasp quickly, laughing quietly when I stumbled into his chest.

“I am not used to chemical transportation,” I said apologetically, blushing yet again.

“You should get going,” he said, jerking his head in the direction Raven and I had come from, “your teammates are probably wondering where you are.”

“That is likely. I thank you for your honesty tonight. I shall see you Saturday,” I lifted into the air and glanced around for Raven. I was certain she sensed my disappearance and return, and would no doubt be very cranky and concerned.

“Starfire,” he said quietly, pulling on my ankle gently.

I frowned and dropped beside him, “yes?”

“Don’t kill me for this,” he breathed. He flipped up the bottom of his mask quickly, revealing a smooth, square jaw and a mouth that was quickly pressed to mine.

[end of part three] part two  part one

New Chapter (Evan Hansen x Fem!Reader)

Request:  evan x reader, you started dating in high school, stayed together through college, and just bought your first place together,,, au where yall are moving/unpacking boxes? leads to some slightly steamy things??

WC: 2,049

A/N: This is my first smut and it’s bad, I TRIED! I don’t know how I feel about this. I’M SORRY ANON IF THIS IS BAD (also under s read more because NSFW content)

Five years ago, you graduated high school. At the time, you didn’t know what the future would hold for you. All you know is that through it all, Evan Hansen would be by your side. He had been with you throughout all of high school. You two are a team, you’re always going to be there for each other. Now, you had both graduated college a few weeks ago. It was finally time for you to move into your first apartment together. The process of finding an apartment was harder than you expected it would be. You and Evan were so indecisive about what you wanted. Every apartment was what the two of you wanted. Plus, your friends weren’t very helpful. Jared would make sex jokes, Alana would always point out every negative thing possible, Connor would agree with every statement you’d make, and you weren’t able to get Zoe’s help. She’s out of state for college. It seemed hopeless, like the two of you would never a place to call home.

One night, you were sharing your woes to Heidi at her house. “I’m so frustrated! I feel like we’re never going to find a place. We’ve been looking for weeks.”, you groaned, burying your head in your hands.

“I know what you mean.”, Heidi comforted, “You’re going to get this sparkly feeling when you find the right place. You looked up at her, “Thank you for listening to me rant about this. I don’t want to stress Evan out. He’s already being a champ about this.” She smiled at you, “It’s no worries. I’m glad you trust me enough to talk about this.” “Heidi, you’re like a mother to me. You mean a lot to the both of us.”, you gushed giving her a hug. You could feel her smile into the hug. When she pulled away, she decided to ask you a question she’s been wanting to ask for a while, “So, have you and Evan thought about getting married?” Your cheeks burned red, “Oh, um. Well only once before. Things are just so crazy right now. If we do get married though, we’ll probably elope or something. I don’t think either of us wants a big ceremony.” “I’m good with that answer. I haven’t seen anyone make Evan as happy as you’ve made him.”, she said with a smile. Heidi’s question was on your mind as you and Evan drove to see yet another apartment. Evan took notice that something was wrong, but the poor boy didn’t know how to ask. Even after being with you for so long, you still made him flustered, in a good way. He too was getting frustrated with looking for an apartment. He was anxious to rent one already and start living with you. You two went to the same college but lived in the dorm rooms. He just wanted to start this new chapter in his life, with you. You didn’t get out of the car right when you pulled up. You both sat there for about a moment without saying anything. Evan grabbed your hand and squeezed it, “Everything is going to work out  alright.” You looked up at him and smiled, “As long as I’m with you, it will be.” He blushed and got out of the car to open the door for you. You thanked him and grabbed his hand as the two of you walked to the building. There was a polite doorman who smiled at you when you entered the complex. You saw the complex’s owner waiting for you in the lobby. He greeted the two of you, “Oh, hello! You must be Y/N and Evan Hansen.” He reached out to shake your hand. You shook it and stuttered, “Oh, we’re not married.” The man nodded, “I’m very sorry for the confusion. My name is Tom Jacobson, I’m here to show you two around here. Shall we take a look around?” You and Evan LOVED this place! There was a pool, a dog park right next door, a game room on the lobby floor, and every person you two had met was kind. But what you adored was the apartment itself. You felt that ‘sparkly’ feeling Heidi told you about the moment you stepped into the room. You were barely listening to Tom as he told you everything about the place. You could see that place as your apartment with all your photos and furniture in it. The rest of the time went by in a blur. Next thing you knew, you and Evan were sitting in the car, ready to leave. You turned to Evan and looked him straight in the eyes, “It’s perfect.” “The apartment? You really like it?” You nodded, “I love it. But if you don’t like it, we don’t have to live there.”, you quickly said. “No! I like it too. I love it. It’s perfect.”, Evan admitted. A massive smile stretched across your face, “We’re getting an apartment.” “Yeah, we are.”, Evan said with a giggle of disbelief. You two couldn’t be happier. Later that week, the apartment was rented in your’s and Evan’s names. Then, the week after that, Heidi and your parents helped you two move in. Boxes after boxes were carried into the elevator and moved into the different rooms. The little amount of furniture that you owned was carried and put in its place. At about 10, you said your goodbyes to your family and you and Evan were left alone in your new house. You took it upon yourself to empty some of the boxes in your’s and Evan’s room. Just thinking about that made your heart swell. As you were setting up your collection of Funko Pops, you felt Evan’s arms wrap around you from behind. You turned around and smiled at him, “Hi.” He smiled back, “Hello.” He leaned down and kissed you on your forehead. You leaned up and kissed his lips softly. He hummed in satisfaction and moved you flush against him. Evan rested his hands on your hips as the two of you kissed. Your hands were cupping his face, as the kiss became more intimate than innocent. Next thing you knew, you were tugging at each other’s clothes to get them off. Evan laid you back gently onto the bed while kissing down you neck. Both of you were already in your underwear so you could feel Evan’s hot skin against your own. A breathy moan left your mouth as he ran his hand over your bra. “Evan”, you whimpered. He chuckled as he unclasped your bra with shaky hands and tossed it across the room. He tweaked your nipple with his callused fingers. Your breath hitched in your throat sat his actions. Your hands threaded through his soft hair as he kitten licked your other nipple. You pulled his head up, lightly, “Ev, I need you.” He smiled and kissed you again. Your hands trailed down his body to rub his erection through his thin boxers. His hips bucked, rubbing him harder into your palm. You pushed his shoulders so he was lying down on the bed, instead. You straddled him and ground your hips into his. “Holy Christ.”, he loudly moaned out. His hands grasped your hips tightly, guiding you down harder. You moved and peeled off his boxers, sending shivers down his spine. You took his length in your hand and rubbed the tip of it lightly. He cooed out your name as you spread his precum around. Just as you were about to take his shaft into your mouth, he spoke, “I… I don’t want that, not tonight at least. I wanna do that, but for you.” You nodded and let him move to be on top of you while you laid on your back. He kissed your neck, altering between actually kissing and nibbling on your sweet spot. While he did that, he rubbed your mound with his hand. You bit back a moan as he left a hickey where your neck meets your shoulder. You shivered at the cold air on your core when he pulled your underwear off. He moved his mouth to suck on your left nipple. He grazed over your clit with his thumb. “Evan, don’t be a tease.”, you groaned. He removed his mouth from your bud, then he smiled up at you. He kissed down the valley in between your breasts, to your nail, and then he reached where you wanted him most. He replaced his thumb on your clit with his mouth. Your eyes fluttered shut in pleasure. He teased your entrance with the tip of his middle finger. You didn’t have the patience for this tonight, “Evan Hansen! I swear to god, if you don’t fuck me right now, you won’t get anything tonight!” He smiled and kissed his way back up to your face. He showered your face with kisses, causing you to giggle. His heart swelled at your beautiful laugh. Then he froze, “Wait, we don’t have a condom.” You bit your lip, scared to say what you wanted to, “Maybe we don’t need one.” “R-r-r-really?”, Evan stuttered, “But what if you get pregnant?” You avoided his gaze, “Well, I don’t think that would be so bad. I wouldn’t mind having a child, with you. We’ve got our own place, stable and good paying jobs. I think we’re ready. Unless you’re not, I understand if you don’t. We can just stop and go to bed.” Evan cut you off with a passionate kiss. He pulled away and spoke, “I think we’re ready also. We’ve been together for years. I’d love to have a child with you.” Everything after that was slow and romantic. Evan treated you like if he was too rough, you might break. A few tears were shed out of overwhelming passion and love for the other. Post sex cuddles ensued after. A few weeks later, your heart stopped when you realized your period was late, very late. You were at work, so you couldn’t just leave. You had to wait in anticipation to go to the grocery store and get a pregnancy test. When you got home, Evan was unpacking the groceries when he saw the multiple test box. He bit his nail out of nervousness. This was it, there was no turning back. You were either pregnant or not, and you’re going to find out. Fear set into him at the idea of both, fear that he’d be a bad father and fear that you wouldn’t even be pregnant. Would you two want to try again if you weren’t? What if it was just a heat of the moment type of thing? What if you were pregnant and didn’t want the child? You walked into the kitchen, seeing Evan holding one of the tests in his hands. “Will you be happy if it’s positive?”, you asked him from the doorway. He turned around to look at you, “Of course. But matters more is if you’ll be happy.” You smiled softly at him, “I will, I’ll be very happy.” “Are you ready?”, he asked you. You nodded, grabbed the tests, and went to the restroom. He left you to do what you needed to do. You set a timer and waited in the kitchen with Evan. The air was thick with tension, you both praying to God that you were in fact pregnant. When the alarm rang throughout the kitchen, you and Evan made nervous eye contact. You slowly walked to the bathroom, your heart pounding in your chest. Then when you looked down, happy tears pricked at your eyes. You were looking at 3 plus signs. You ran to Evan and gave him a bone-crushing hug. You were sobbing with glee, “They’re all positive!” He was in disbelief, “I’m going to be a dad?”. You pulled away and nodded with a beaming smile, “Yeah, we’re going to be parents.” He felt himself start to cry with happiness also, “Holy crap. We’re going to be parents!”. He pulled you right back into the hug. The two of you couldn’t be happier than in that moment. You were starting a family with the person you loved the most. You were happy to start this chapter in your life.

Awakening of the Death-Chapter #4

Never in all of his life did he felt unexpectedly surprised. Not at the fact that there are some illegal fighting rings in the Irish district of New York City; but the founding fact that Hellen was preparing to fight in the ring. He had seen her without her robes before, but he noticed new details upon her body. There were small circular scars that were white with age at the base of the neck. There were other scars of various lengths and sizes that seemed faded. The wound on  Hellen’s arm had healed up nicely, even at the cost of days of Hellen’s nightly shots of her whiskey. Hellen finished braiding her hair and pulled out a set of old wraps from the pocket of her robes. As Hellen struggled to wrap the wraps on her arm, Jack came over to Hellen, and without a word wrapped each of Hellen’s hands. 

As Hellen was about to thank Jack, a large mussel bound man with a cigar in his mouth approached to them. His blond musquash was stained with the floating cigar smoke and ashes. “So...the little street mouse has returned for another round.” He then looked to Jack, who was glaring at him suspiciously. The man inhaled his cigar, the tip embers glowed as he breathed deep, then exhaled the smoke towards them. “Who’s the Cinderella here? Haven’t seen him around. Looks more British to me.” The man’s thick Scottish accent increased in dialect as if sending the message of uncertainty towards Jack.

Hellen raised a hand as in a “hold your fire” command. She pulled a small roll of paper money and placed it into the Scottish man’s hands. “He and I are entering.”

He counted the money with a sausage finger counted the money. “You against each other?”

Jack was about to abject when Hellen replied, “Not unless he and I are the finalists.”

The Scottish man looked at Jack and smiled. “Seems that this match is going to be interesting. You’ve fought in a ring before boy?”

Jack nodded. “I had my taste of blood in the rings. Yes”

“Excellent!” He reached towards a crate a grabbed a rolled up bunch of wraps. “You better use theses boy. And for Hell’s fire coals take off that coat. I’m sweating more looking at you before my first fight of the day.” He looked at Hellen again and smirked. “Best of luck to you street mouse. You and Cinderella there must be damn good to invest all this.” He then handed the money to the book keeper and headed towards one corner of the ring. 

Jack wanted to ask what he meant, but he decided not to answer. He unbuttoned his belt and his coat. He placed his coat on top of Hellen’s robes. He then started to wrap his own hands, preparing himself mentally to fight in the ring.

At this time, Hellen couldn’t help but noticed Jack’s bared chest. She had seen many half naked men before, most of them in the rings or the outlaws in Jame’s gang when a hot humid day would be overbearing. She noticed that there was a long white scar on the upper right chest/shoulder area. She noticed how hard each of his mussels were. Jack was finishing wrapping his hands when he turned to see what Hellen must of guessed she had been staring at him. Hellen snapped herself back to her senses and walked towards the ring, he cheeks felt warm. What the Hell is wrong with you Hellen? You’ve seen half naked men before, he’s no different. He’s...he’s...

“Gather round ladies bucks! We have ourselves a fighting day that will guarantee to never bore us!” The ring leader’s voice interrupted Hellen’s thought as the fight was about to start. She spat upon the ground, and checked her hair tie to see if the braid was secure.

“You know men would play dirty by pulling it, right?” Jack asked from behind. He was stretching his massive arms out and above his head.

“Yes I know. That’s the idea behind it, to give the fools a white lie of an opportunity. And then...” Hellen stopped and smirked a light laugh.

“What?” Jack tilted his head in confusion.

“I shouldn’t be telling you my secrets. You and I may fight each other some point. I was close to being the idiot of the day!”

Jack shook his head. “Don’t call yourself an idiot. It’s good to have a plan for this type of fight.”

Hellen nodded and both watched the first five sets of opponents beating the blood and sweat off of each other. The Scottish man they’d encountered had proved to be a great deal to face when either Jack or Hellen make it to the finalists. Whist they fought, Jack took the opportunity to ask, “Why did that man kept calling you a street mouse?”

Hellen scoffed and placed a hand on her eyes. “He calls me that because at one point I sneezed, and if you ever heard me sneeze, it squeaks like a mouse. Ever since Scotty there heard me before a fight, he always called me a street mouse. When I opposed, he would reply ‘Better that then calling you a rat or bitch then lassie.’ So yes, I suppose it could’ve been hell of a lot worse.” 

Jack nodded. “I was only known as Jack the Lad all my life. I never knew any sir names from my mot...”

“HOLY MARY! The Scottish Goliath has taken down the sly one!” Jack and Hellen turned to see one of the fighters laying upon the blood stained street ally coughing out chunks of blood. Two men took him by the arms upon their shoulders and dragged him out. “And next into the ring facing this running champion is our very own lady of the streets. The formal madame of a place where she still managed to guard her secrete honor. The one I only pray that a man be a brave bastard to fall for this one. May I present to you, facing out running champion, Hellen Patterson!”

As Hellen jumped into the ring, Jack questioned, “Madame?”

Hellen turned and said, “Long story, but will probably tell you soon.” She went to the center of the arena facing the massive Scottish fighter, who smelled of cheap tobacco. Hellen smirked and said, “Where you find such a week batch Scotty? My cigarettes have more bite then that piece of shite I’m smelling.”

The Scottish’s face turned red from the insult.“Watch it street mouse! I can be more harder on you, perhaps knocking out all those pretty teeth out of your...”

“ALRIGHT! ALIGHT!” The ring master steps between the two opponents. “Let’s not cause a fight before the fight shall we? I will be brief for you both. I expect a good clean fight from all of you. And you sir, I suggest you not damage this girl too much, or you’d be facing her suitor there with a vengeance.” He pointed his eyes towards Jack. 

Before Hellen could object about Jack being a suitor, he then steps back and yells, “Let the match begin!” He backed out of the middle with such speed as the Scottish man thew a fist towards Hellen, she dodged the first one, and he tried to reach for the long pony tail that moved all around like a cat’s tail playing for a toy. She managed to throw a punch underneath the large Scottish man’s pointed. Hellen then felt the man’s arm punching her in the gut. Both struggled to remain standing, but never ceased to collapse to the floor. Then, Hellen saw the moment of weakness. She noticed a fresh wound on the man’s side that not even he noticed. Possibly from another opponent right from the beginning. She charged towards him, and threw a side kicks on the lower left side where a wound the size of a peach showed itself. The Scottish man screamed with shock as he got to one knee. But as Hellen was about to strike again, he grabbed her shirt and rammed his head upon her forehead. A split of blood trailed down from her forehead.

Jack gripped his rage. How could a man fight low as to grab a woman’s shirt and ram her head.

“Thats below the belt there!” A man shouted.

“Really?” Another man yelled. “I’m as surprised he didn’t get to see what was in front of his face. Those breasts sure be...”

“SHUT IT!” Jack turned and yelled at the man. The individual stood in fear as he stared at Jack’s angry domineer. 

As Jack was about to step over towards the spectator, he head a crowd cheering. He turned to see Hellen throwing a kick on the Scottish man’s bleeding side and ramming at the back base of his neck with an elbow. The man was out cold. 

“Unbelievable! Miss. Patterson had managed to knock down a reining champ a single blow!” the announcer took Hellen’s hand and lifted her arm in the air for victory. The crowd cheered. Many of the man whistling and howling in admiration. Jack stood with great curiosity. 

Over the course, Jack himself fought a few of the following men. He came out with only a few punches, but enough to cause some significant damages to his opponent. Including the one fighter who commented on Hellen’s breasts. He came out of the ring with a broken nose and busted rib.

Finally, it came down to the final two: Jack and Hellen. 

Hellen herself had a few to fight off as well, and managed to hold herself well in the ring. She was covered with blood that wasn’t her own, yet some cuts and bruises were present. She and Jack faced each other. She noticed the man in front of her was covered with sweat and dust with little blood upon him. His demeanor was strong, yet she noticed in his eyes that they seemed to be apprehensive. The ring leader gave the rules and demanded a clean match. Before the leader stepped aside, Hellen uttered, “If you go easy on me, I’ll be pusy.”

“Let the battle for the prize begin!” The announcer cried out as he backed out. 

Hellen threw the first punch and it landed upon Jack’s chin. He scrambled in surprise, and placed a finger to see blood trickling down his lip.

“COME ON YOU BASTARD! FIGHT THE GIRL!”

“GIVE HER WHAT SHE’D CAME FOR!”

“ARE YOU A MAN OR A SMUCK! FIGHT!”

The crowd roars in a mixture of Protest or encouragement while others encouraged Hellen. Jack then dodged another punch from Hellen as she kept on attacking him. He would block, dodge, and avoid every attack if possible. Yet Hellen seems to always give him the harder ends. She then came from behind and with her arm gave a chock hold, while pinning his dominant hand with the other. 

“Damn it Jack! I told you don’t hold back on me!” Hellen growled as she tightened around, causing him to groan. “I know you can fight better then this, I’ve seen it before...”

But Jack couldn’t hear the rest of what Hellen was saying. His vision suddenly changed to a dark dampened space. He felt his neck being held back by a nurse as the doctors in the hell of an asylum started to place treatments that he himself couldn’t recall.

The boy needed the strength. 

To be free. 

To fight back.

He broke away from the grip and grabbed the arm that held him in tacked. And he knew it was time to fight back.

Hellen landed on her shoulders with a thump, the sand scrapped her bare shoulder. She got up and faced Jack. His eyes seemed distant and clouded. As if a wounded dog preparing to attach. He then lunged towards Hellen and began to attack. Hellen dodged over every blow he threw at her. She lost her footing and one point, but rolled away intimate before his punch meet the floor.

“ABOUT DAMN TIME!”

“COME ON LASS!”

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”

Hellen breathed hard, sweat trailed down the dust and blood. Then as she tried to defend again, her world went still when a great force came to the side of her head. Hellen laid on the ground, stunned, her lung tried hard to restart after the massive impact. She then got herself up and coughed out a mass of blood. She knew that this man, Jack, was more then she could take. Thank God he’s on my side. She’d thought as her breathing came back hard with a bit of a cough. She rolled over, and gestured to the ringleader the signal of surrender. As Hellen got herself up, she said to Jack, “Damn Jack. What a punch! Haven’t felt that punch that hard since a draft kicked me once.”

Jack couldn’t hear anything, his mind had cleared; yet he was shocked at what he just witnessed. Instead of the nurse bleeding on the sand floor, Hellen laid on her side, blood coming from her cheek and mouth. Jack’s heart pounded with fear.

Hell no!

Not now!

Not again!

Did I killed her?

His eyes shifted when he heard Hellen coughing. She was spitting out her own blood and tried lifted herself off from the floor. He ran towards her and lifted her up as she insured herself that she was alright. He couldn’t hear the rest of the words. He pushed himself through the crowd as the gathered around Hellen to check on Hellen. He shoved a few men who tried to give him a bath of money. He grabbed his coat off the coat, then started to run past the streets.

Hellen watched with confusion and questions. What the Hell happened to him?

When Hellen excepted the money on behalf of Jack, and her wounds were treated by a medical nurse on the stand by, she set off into the streets to find Jack.

She searched through the streets for the rest of the day. It wasn’t until she finally used her ability to find Jack’s tracks. To which Hellen realized that words were trailed. As she followed, the unknown stains trailed in the walls.

Monster

murder?

Why?

Why Hellen?

She followed the trail to the apartment they shared. She found a pile of bloody bandages at the base of the building outside. She looked up and her instincts made her started to climb.

Well pa, guess it’s time Jack and I have a before Jesus talk. Hope all the talks you gave me all those years help me out now. How would...Hellen sighed as she climbed up the roof, and saw Jack sitting against the roof shingles, staring upon the city. Here goes nothing Pa.

America’s Most Eligible 2 Diamond Scene: New York with Jen

You let your mind drift back to those carefree summer days…

Several weeks ago… You and Jen have just sat down at an upscale restaurant in Manhattan. Jen grins at you across the table. Jen: When you said you were treating me to a fancy meal after my flight, I didn’t realise how fancy. You: Aren’t you glad you made the trip? Jen: So glad. Trust me, I would’ve dropped everything to come meet you sooner if I could’ve. Jen: Work has been… hectic, with Carson taking over. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, but I think we’ll figure things out before the season starts. You rest a comforting hand on top of hers as a waiter brings you each a plate of delicious-smelling pasta. You: You work too hard, Jen. You deserve to have some fun. Jen: I’m here with you, aren’t I? And I want to hear everything I’ve missed since we last saw each other.

-If you won last season

Jen: How was your grand prize trip to Paris? You went with, um…

Who did you travel with? -Adam

You: I went with Adam. He’s so different when he’s away from the cameras! You: He even tried to get me to base jump with him from the top of the Eiffel Tower, but I chickened out.

-Mackenzie

You: I went with Mackenzie. We were on the go the whole time, running around town and exploring. You: I think the longest we stood still was when we took power stance selfies in front of the Arc de Triomphe.

-Derek

You: I went with Derek. We hit up every museum in town and spent an entire day at the Louvre. You: He must be starting up a blog or something, because he was totally taking notes on everything we saw.

-Bianca

You: I went with Bianca. We spent a lot of time shopping on Rue de Rivoli. She’s scary good at haggling. You: But it was nice. It felt like we’ve been friends for longer than just a few months.

-Teagan

You: I went with Teagan. We definitely got a few looks when we did couples’ yoga at Champ de Mars. You: She insisted that we mirror the Eiffel Tower in form and spirit… and somehow we found a way.

Jen: It sounds like you had a good time. You: I did… although it would’ve been even better with you. Jen: What about after your trip? How did you spend the rest of your summer?

-If you lost last season

Jen: What’ve you been up to since last season wrapped?

You: I’ve been… -Taking it easy.

You: Nothing too exciting, just catching up on sleep, hanging with friends… And many, many movie nights on the couch. Jen: Honestly, that sounds amazing. I don’t really get to relax like that too often. You: Like I said, you work too hard. Jen: I dunno about that… but I could stand to take a little more time for myself every so often. You: Being here with me is definitely a good start.

-Doing some traveling.

You: I took an impulse vacation to Hawaii, visited my family, then took a few days to drive to New York. And now, here we are! Jen: It sounds like you’ve been having a good time. I’m just glad I finally got to do some traveling with you myself.

-Thinking about you.

You chuckle as Jen’s eyes widen, a blush creeping onto her cheeks. You: I mean it! Not a day went by where I didn’t wonder what you were up to, or whether you were having a good day. You: I missed you. Jen: Oh, Jamie… I missed you too. And… I also thought about you. Often.

Jen flashes you a brilliant smile, then glances at the restaurant around you. Jen: This is my first night in New York, and it’s even more glamorous than I always imagined. You: Any ideas for what you wanna do around town? Jen: A few… I was thinking we could visit the Met… You: I’m sold. Jen: Maybe take a boat-ride in Central Park… You: Sounds romantic. I’m double-sold. Jen: And I think it’d be fun to see a Broadway show! Maybe Hamilton? Though we’d be lucky to get tickets… You: I’ll get us tickets. What’s the point of being a reality star if I can’t call in a few favours? Jen: So these are the perks of dating a minor celebrity! You both laugh, and you take Jen’s hand in yours. You: I can think of a few more perks than that… Jen: If I tried to list them all, we’d be here all night. Jen gazes at you for a long moment, her eyes shining with happiness. You: You might be giving me a little too much credit, Jen. Jen: I’m just so happy to be here with you. When I got fired, I honestly thought I’d never see you again… Jen: This is all so much more than I’d ever hoped for.

You: Jen… -I always knew we’d make things work.

Jen: Really? You never doubted it even for a second? You: Hey, don’t look so sceptical. You: My philosophy is that if someone truly matters to you, you’ll always find a way back to each other… Jen: And somehow, we did just that.

-I feel the same.

You: It was awful saying goodbye to you after Piper let you go… You: But when I saw you at the finale, I dared to hope we’d find a way to be together after all. Jen: So did I. We’ve had our fair share of struggles, Jamie, but now that I’m sitting here with you… Jen: I can’t help but think there’s nothing that will keep us apart.

As you smile at each from across the table, a waiter offers you both a choice of drinks on a tray.

What do you drink? -Champagne -Martini -Mint Tea

You take your drink off the tray, and Jen grabs a second one. Jen: Before we enjoy these… I’ve heard the roof of this place has quite a view. Humour me? You: Always.

Jen leads you through the back of the restaurant and up to an intimate rooftop lounge. Looking across the skyline, you feel like you can see the whole city. You: Wow. This place is incredible… Jen: The most incredible part is the woman/man standing right next to me. Jen softly rests her free hand on yours…. As you smile at her, she smiles back, lifting her glass in a toast. Jen: Shall we?

You: To… -You!

My favourite producer… and my smokin’ hot date. Jen giggles and reaches forward with her glass. Jen: To my most memorable contestant… and my trusted friend.

-New York City!

You: And whatever adventures await us! Jen grins and reaches forward with her glass. Jen: To our journey. Together.

-Both of us!

You: May we continue being the perfect team. Jen nods and reaches forward with her glass. Jen: To us!

CHAMPAGNE/MARTINI/MINT TEA -Cheers!

You clink your glasses together and take a sip of your drink. There’s a familiar flush on Jen’s cheeks as she does the same. You: You’re doing it again. That cute blushing thing. Jen: Well, I was just thinking about something… Jen: Namely, how much I want to kiss you right now. Her gaze drops to your lips. You smile, and lean toward her. You: Why think about it when you could have the real thing? Jen meets you halfway, her lips on yours in an instant. You feel her sigh happily into the kiss as you deepen it, taking her lower lip between yours… When you part, you take a moment to appreciate the joy in Jen’s eyes, the redness of her full lips… You: I’m so happy you made it to New York, Jen. You: Here, we’re not the Girl/Boy Next Door or a hotshot producer… We can just be us. Jen: And I’m glad for that, Jamie. I don’t want to be anywhere else. As your lips meet hers again, a surge of affection washes over you. And it’s not that you realise you never want this moment to end…

You blink rapidly and come to, watching the others head back to centerstage. Jen steps up beside you with a smile. Jen: You looked deep in thought over here. Nervous about the Challenge? You: Nah, I could never be nervous with you beside me. I was thinking about our trip. Jen gives your hand a quick squeeze. So quick, nobody else could have noticed. Jen: I’ve been thinking about it too… Jen: I should’ve said this when we were in New York, Jamie, but I want you to know that I’ll have your back. No matter what happens this season. You: Thanks, Jen. And maybe when things calm down, we can revisit those memories together. Or make new ones. Jen: I like the sound of that.

Update: My Romantic Identity Discussed Below

The statement that started it all

I honestly feel like I’m slowly becoming repulsed at the idea of ever being in a romantic relationship again. The thought of being romantically intimate is honestly:

1. Gross b/c intimacy with another person is not my thing, first off (since I’m asexual af and, although not sex repulsed, I still am not totally with the whole having sex thing)

2. Pointless in every aspect b/c tbh platonic relationships are way better because those are relationships that may be long term or short but still bring me happiness like no other. (I COULD HONESTLY GO ON A RANT ABOUT MY PLATONIC LOVE FOR MY BEST FRIEND AND MY GROUP OF FRIENDS FROM HS THAT SOMEHOW STILL STAY STRONG TO THIS DAY BUT I SHAN’T SINCE THATLL BE LONG AF. I will mention my best friend throughout this post as my #1 example tho so we shall temp name her N)

My evaluation of self

After experiencing and assessing my past relationships, I noticed my actions were all exaggerations of what I had interpreted what a relationship was meant to be like.

I never noticed that I found it more to be this “job” or “activity” that was to be fufilled and that I could fufill the needs that were placed. I wanted to feel like I was really romantically interested and invested, that I really wanted something more intimate than my friendships. But instead, I would look for something that wasn’t there, that I had to force it out because I got myself stuck in it & because I had a long period of time where I felt like the only way I can keep a person in my life that I wanted to be friends with, especially guys, was to have some sort of romantic thing with them.

Example of my experience that first brought out the idea of being Aromantic to mind

Like, don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of loving someone in a way that you and the other person become close beyond the boundries of time and circumstance. I fully believe in that, for example myself and my first and genuine best friend N. I had known her since my sophomore year of HS and mAN DO I LOVE HER. Like, at first we were cool af and complimented eachother so nicely, and still do! Everything about her is beyond lovely and I want to spoil her in anyway I can. The thing is, in hs I told her I would date the shit out of her if she wasn’t strictly straight and she responded positively and kindly. I would bug her about it and constantly tell her but man, I’m so glad she didn’t take it seriously or on a whole other level. Instead we continued to get closer as friends and if anything that was our way of me solidifying that we’re going to still be cool as shit no matter what. Of course this is all how I felt during the first two years of us being friends and it also goes to show that I honestly felt like in order to keep her in my life I needed to be more intimate than friends with her to do so. But I didn’t need to. There’s a reason they’re called my friends and a name to why I feel the way I do: Platonicness.

Acceptance

My experience and time with N, and most certainly with the rest of my friends, have made it slowly easier for me to understand why I do certain behaviors and have certain mindsets about having the need to be in an strictly intimately romantic relationship. I need to feel loved and I get jealous b/c when I see couples that are so deeply invested and genuinely loving eachother, I get mad jealous. But I also noticed the last time that I hung out with my group of friends thAT I HAD FRIENDS WHO LOVE ME AND ARE THERE FOR ME AND GENUINELY LIKE MY COMPANY. IMMA SAY IT AGAIN IN CAPS. I HAVE FRIENDS WHO LOVE ME AND ARE THERE FOR ME AND GENUINELY LOVE ME FOR ME. And dude that blows my motherfucking mind. It took so long for it to settle in my heart and mind but since that day, since the last time we all hung out, it’s safe to say that I feel the fucking love and the feeling that it gives me is honestly better than any feeling I got while I was dating. And even now Im still recalling and evaluating my relationships and the best ones are those that are platonic as fuck and man, theyre the best.

I was going to take a small break from dating to see what the fuck is wrong with me and why I can’t seem to be doing the whole dating scene and feeling connected to it right, but I don’t think I need that small break. I feel bad for saying this, honestly. I feel ashamed, but I’ve been slowling connecting myself to it for the past few months/year. I know about it and explored it when I was exploring asexuality and solidified it to myself.

I believe that I’m aromantic.

So that makes me an aroace which is pretty darn cool and man makes me feel so much better about myself. Like, I’m also pan af but in a platonic sense. Like dude. I love to love and the best way to love is to love the people I hold dear to me. Like DUDE IT FEELS SO GREAT TO KNOW THAT I CAN PLATONICALLY LOVE MY FRIENDS AND THOSE DEAR TO ME, KISS THEIR CHEEKS, HOLD THEIR HANDS, HUG THEM, AND LOVE THEM AND THEIR EXISTENCE W/O FEELING FORCED OR PRESSURED INTO DATING THEM BECAUSE ew yucky and I personally can’t see myself doing that. However, the only downside is that I love to flirt around and compliment constanly and etc. with them and sometimes when I text people in general, that part slips out and gets misinterpreted so looks like I need to clarify these things with the people who don’t know this to avoid miscommunication ^^;;;;;

Like, I wouldn’t go out of my way to yell to my coworkers or family that Im aroace, but it is a little victory for me. And the thing is, if someone were to like me:

1. Impossible

2. I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of it but I wouldn’t say yes right away.

I would think “ok wait, if I were aromantic but still dating, isn’t that lying or being fake?” Well, I don’t think it would. I used to feel like that when I first identified myself as asexual. I don’t find sexually attracted to people but I’m not against having sex or masturbating. AND THATS OKAY. So I’m pretty sure it’s okay for me to be aromantic and date if I feel it genuinely appropriate and comfortable. I found this statement when I was exploring this idea and it almost instantly calmed my nevers b/c of relevancy:

“Think of it like Asexuals liking/ being ok with sex without sexual attraction/ getting moral satisfaction out of sexually satisfying their partner. Replace the sexual with its romantic counterpart. It is a real thing, just probably (not common).” - Starbit, AVEN member

TLDR:;

Not only am I asexual as heck, I’ve finally come to terms with my aromanticism. I may not know which kind of aromantic, the same goes for which kind of ace, but at least I’ve found terms that make me feel at ease. It took me a long time and a lot of reflecting but I’m glad I’ve come to terms with it. Looks like I gotta change my bio now, mates.

If you read all of this omfg I ♡ you for being a champ! I really needed to let this out, and without the whole “read more…” button b/c fuck that. This is important to me and I refuse for it to be unnoticed. I guess having a term for me is going to make things a lot easier for people to understand me now.

Anyway yeah, thanks for a lot of things. I’m still going to be here. I’m still going to be me.

♡

this is the autistic ask nonnie, if you just tag it with "autism" or smth I should be able to find it. thank you!

Hello you! I promised to give you references yesterday but chaos happened (so sorry, I’ll make up for it I promise) and so I’m a day late! But all is not lost!! Here, be prepared for the influx of resources and such to help you out :))

Note: We are avoiding any and all links to AutismSpeaks since it is bad and evil and wants to cure a perfectly natural condition and keeps coding anyone who is Autistic as some inept monster-child and it’s so ablest that fire (and bitter hate) is my go-to solution for them rn.

Additional Note: Most of the things you find online about Autistic are written from a poor-parent’s perspective and often focus on the negatives of ASD and then hyping up ‘treatments’ to make your child “better” and help “improve” them. It’s all icky and wrong and while I personally feel that some aspects of ABA could be potentially beneficial, the way in which it is generally applied is horrible and so ablest it fucking hurts.

Right. Let’s set off shall we!

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1. What is Autism?

In a sentence? Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects how ASD individuals see the world and interact with it. 

Note: ‘Neurodevelopmental’ is a fancy way of saying, how the nervous system of the brain develops. People with Autism and other neurodevelopmental disorders are known to have a-typical rather than neuro-typical (i.e. someone who doesn’t have Autism etc).

2. What are the Symptoms of Autism?

Well apart from making it sound like Autism is a disease - which really? rude - the signs of Autism can vary depending on a lot of socio-cultural factors (as can a lot of disorders tbh) but there are some that tend to be consistent across the board. 

Autistic children always show signs of at least two of the following:

Issues with social interaction

Limited verbal and nonverbal communication

Repetitive behaviors or interests

Note: I myself showed issues with 1 and 3 at an early age, with 2 becoming more pronounced from a shiteload of traumatic experiences I’m still working through at the age of 23 :)

There are some signs of Autism that infants show between six months and two years which include:

infrequent eye contact

fixation on objects

no babbling or gesturing by 12 months

no single words by 16 months

no spontaneous two-word phrases by 24 months.

The NHS website has a good summary of the behaviours common to Autism in children which I’ll sort of paraphrase here (I do recommend you read through it and perhaps speak with older siblings/family who may be able to provide you with anecdotal evidence of you doing similar things yourself; this can often help build the groundwork for a formal diagnosis):

Children may have issues with using non-verbal, non-explicit behaviour when interacting with other children; e.g. playing games may become additionally difficult if they rely on eye contact or gestures

Eye contact is limited or non-existent or it is prolonged and often uncomfortable for the person being stared at

Isolation is a very real thing with ASD children who may shun the attention of children their own age, playing with younger or older children, or seeking out things they can do alone

Empathy is affected by ASD (in the book The Science of Evil, Simon Baron-Cohen points out that there’s two types of empathy and ASD individuals tend to lack the cognitive empathy of understanding and imagining other people’s feelings, but don’t lack the affective empathy which can drive them to becoming upset or highly emotional when someone is injured) and this makes understanding people’s emotions and feelings really frickin hard. The challenge here is neurotypical people don’t have the issues with communication that ASD people do and so get an instinctive, innate set of rules to guide them in communicating and empathising with other people while we... don’t. Hence why ABA is usually mentioned as being useful for ASD people in order to ‘correct’ this (hiss-hiss, bad logic here, stop trying to fix and instead provide new tools for us hiss-hiss)

Repetition is a thing and people will hate us for it. Words, gestures, expressions, all of it. They may all be repeated constantly for days, hours, weeks, months, by ASD children. Some don’t do the ‘pretend play’ most children do, others repeat the same pretend play over over

Change is evil and it’s hard as heck for ASD children to adapt to when it’s random and unexpected. Stimming behaviour or meltdowns aren’t uncommon at this point - flapping hands, covering ears and screaming/crying - because there has been a rapid change in the environment or structure and our tiny ASD brains do not like the change and want the order and routine we’ve come to identify and enjoy because order is relaxing. 

3. Am I Autistic?

Honestly, best answer I can give to anyone besides the shrug emoji a half-dozen times (seriously, I will do this to ya’ll) is I don’t know.

Being Autistic isn’t so much a “one day I woke up and suddenly I was Autistic” like it can be with depression. It’s more of a “one day I woke up and realised, ‘hey maybe I’m Autistic because X, Y, and Z’”. 

Note: There are some cases of people experiencing brain injuries and becoming Autistic but that’s more as a result of their brain going “shit shit shit, must redirect current to new pathways, shit shit shit” and less a natural, biological or genetic predisposition towards the disorder.

Additional Note: I really hate the word ‘disorder’ and want to slap myself every time I use it, but I digress.

4. How do I go about getting a Formal Diagnosis?

I got diagnosed purely by chance if I’m honest. As a child my mother took me to our local GP who said I was “two years advanced” and that was that until I hit 15, ended up in counselling and was self-harming regularly because hey-ho near-death experiences are really traumatic, who knew! My diagnosis then wasn’t regular or uniform, even though my elder brother is Autistic as well as there’s actual research suggesting a genetic heritability for ASD in siblings of Autistic individuals and their parents but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway. Moving on!

In the UK, most of the time you can just go to your local GP and say “hey I think I’m Autistic, can you refer me to a specialist on this?” and, while they might argue or try and quiz you themselves about it, they don’t really have the right to refuse you (though they can and often do... assholes).

If you’re in school, or have someone you think is Autistic in education at present, you can go through the school to get a referral. Sometimes this can be quicker/easier or can help kick your GP’s ass into gear and get the ball rolling.

One of the things that exist in the UK is a Speech and Language Therapist. I’ve seen these guys twice in my short life - once when I knocked out my two front teeth like a champ and couldn’t talk properly for ages (I was a stupid child), and the second time when I was mentally messed up and they went “huh, think she’s Autistic ya know” and things rolled from there. In my experience, they’re pretty good and the tests they give you are also pretty decent.

You’re measured on emotional intelligence, watched for how you speak, expressions, if you include people in conversations, how much you talk, if you allow other people to join in or if you monologue and other things. You’ll get asked about your interests and if you ramble for twenty minutes or sth, chances are they’ll be ticking a box labelled “shows intense interests in specific topics” and you’ll have another mark in your Autism checklist.

5. Okay, so I didn’t read any of this, give me the low-down?

Autism is an disorder that affects social skills and usually involves lots of repetitive behaviour. 

It’s diagnosed by a medical professional with experience of the disorder. 

I only know how the UK goes about with diagnosing it but logic says America needs to work somewhat similarly.

If you think you have Autism, chances are you do, and you’ve had it for a long time and been coping without realising.

AutismSpeaks is evil and needs to go die in a fire.

That is all :)