#we sent the funniest possible people to the moon | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leerongrong · 4 years

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❥ 𝐍𝐂𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 – sending them the wrong text

⌜ mark ⌟

mark watches from the corner of his eye as you tap at the screen of your phone, a shy smile present on your face. he's waving his hand side to side, trying to get your attention, only to pout when he fails to. he perks up the moment his phone dings, opening it to see multiple messages from you.

[11:45] you sent a message.

i think the sun's starting to get to me

[11:45] you sent a message.

the more i look at him the more he shines

[11:46] you sent a message.

nvm that I CANT TAKE MY EYES OFF OF HIM

[11:46] you sent a message.

did you see him smile when he saw watermelon? the smile he had while eating them :((

[11:46] you sent a message.

and not to be nsfw but the more i look at him,,, the hotter he looks??? is that even possible????

[11:46] you sent a message.

he was so small so cute when we first met in 5th grade

[11:47] you sent a message.

fuck i think im in love with him i think im in love with mark

[11:48] you sent a message.

i think im in love with my bestfriend

he started off confused, eyes flitting from the first of your texts, slowly dragging themselves to the end. his small pout slowly turns into a smile, to a full blown grin when they finally reach the last of them, when they finally reach his name.

"holy." mark started off with mumbles, his head turning from you to his phone so fast he might get whiplash. "she- she's in love with me.." the farther he gets through his sentence, the louder he becomes, catching not only peoples attention, but also yours. "she's freaking in love with me!"

your furrowed eyebrows is the first thing he sees, running across the pool and straight to you, barreling into you and accidentally sending the both of you into the water. you're both spluttering when you break through the water's surface, your face an expression of disbelief while his is of pure joy.

he doesn't regret pulling you down with him, sealing your lips in an underwater kiss that tastes of watermelon and grape ice cream.

⌜ renjun ⌟

the soft glow of your phone disturbs renjun. the only source of light in the otherwise dark theater room, playing the movie you begged him to watch with you. he's rolling his eyes in annoyance, still gripping the half finished popcorn, hands coming back and forth from his mouth towards the salty snack.

soon after, the soft tapping of your fingers against the screen takes his interest off the movie. renjun's eyes sneak a peak, slightly leaning his body against his head rest so he could take a better look at what has your full interest.

[19:06] you sent a message.

leee jenooo

[19:07] you sent a message.

as cheesy as it sounds,,, the movie's right in front of me but the one view i want to see is him

[19:07] you sent a message.

i know its stupid to say but i just feel...happy whenever im around him

[19:07] you sent a message.

it doesnt matter where we are it freaking doesnt matter what we're doing and it FREAKING DOESNT MATTER WHO'S THERE WITH US

[19:08] you sent a message.

all i know is that when im with him im happy

[19:08] you sent a message.

it doesnt matter if it's all gray and blue hes the splash of color and thats all i need..

[19:09] you sent a message.

im all soft for him like this,, i just wish i could tell him 🙃

the slight ringing in his ears should worry him, along with the excessive warmth that's suddenly spreading through his body, face, and ears. the slight twitch of his fingers should too, as if his body is reacting in a way only you can make him, as if it's finally accepting the pull.

the clearing of his throat startles you, making you instinctively hide your phone in the corner of your seat. your eyes zoom in on his reddening face, leaning in closer to make sure, amidst all the darkness. "renjun? what's wrong?" pressing the palm of your hand to his burning forehead. "do you have a fever? junnie, you should've told me."

renjun's still stubbornly looking at the screen, taking a deep breath and doing a countdown before he takes your hand in his, intertwining the two as your eyebrows furrow.

he starts leaning in, coming closer and closer to your face that it makes you lean back in your seat, trying to look away from his face. "i think this isn't a good date," he whispers, "how about we go on an official one tomorrow?"

the wide cinema screen is the audience to the scene renjun puts on, leaving a peck at the edge of your lips as shy smile spreads on his.

⌜ jeno ⌟

[09:08] you sent a message.

i love it when jeno smiles

[09:08] you sent a message.

i mean :: have you seen his smile? those pretty cresent moon eye smiles that's just so freaking cute it makes me want to kiss him all over

[09:09] you sent a message.

and not be weird or anything,,, but his height is perfect. imagine running into his arms and just being all warm because we all know jeno gives the best hugs 😫

[09:09] you sent a message.

is it weird to think about hugging and snuggling with your best friend? to think about how pretty his smile is and how you want to kiss away his cute pout?

[09:10] you sent a message.

yes? no? mark, i think i'm in too deep here..

the minute jeno reads your texts, he's out the door. he doesn't care about the thunderstorm going on outside, he doesn't listen to his member's shouts about bringing an umbrella. all that's running around his mind is you. all he can think about is how he desperately wants to hug you in his arms, so tightly he knows you're going to start to whine. all he wants to do is to kiss you. after 5 years of pinning over you, he finally has the chance to.

he's met with water the moment he runs out in the rain, not caring about the thunder and wind that's pelting down his body. he's soaking wet when he reaches your front door, drenched in water as he knocks and is met with your cutely confused face.

"lee jeno!" your eyes are as wide as saucers, quickly starting to tug him inside when you see his condition. "what are you doing you idiot?! you could get sick!"

he doesn't give you much time to talk (or to start hitting him for being stupid) when he puts his hands on your cheeks and pulls you into a kiss, the atmosphere reminding him of two lovers running through the rain to see each other in movies.

the cold and fever he gets the next day is worth it, especially with your cuddles and chicken soup to get him through the day.

⌜ haechan ⌟

[07:10] you sent a message.

i may be in love with donghyuck

[07:11] you sent a message.

i think he's just the most sweetest, funniest, dorkiest guy with the most perfect smile and laugh

[07:11] you sent a message.

the one who brights up my day (ironically), my full sun

[07:12] you sent a message.

but love is such a fickle thing <3

he wouldn't notice at first, too busy goofing off with chenle and mark, until jeno points out his phone buzzing and lighting up with notifications. the biggest smile would light up his face, so bright and wide, and he just freezes in his place, not even moving or looking away from his phone that it makes the others worry.

starts jumping and squealing, shoving his phone into the other's faces to show off your text when he finally breaks out of his stupor, heart beating so fast renjun tries to make him take deep breaths before he passes out.

doesn't care when his members tell him to carry out with caution, that it could be one of your usual pranks. all he can see is you and him, going on dates and cuddling. after all, it isn't every day your bestfriend (whom you have feelings towards) since diapers confesses.

[07:44] haechan sent a message.

so you have a crush on me😏

[07:44] haechan sent a message.

i'm not surprised, i AM a natural charmer

[07:45] you sent a message.

WHAT

[07:45] you sent a message.

HOW THOU FRICK

[07:46] you sent a message.

wrong message wrong person sorry haha

[07:47] haechan sent a message.

"i am in love with donghyuck."

[07:47] haechan sent a message.

"sweetest, funniest, dorkiest guy with the most perfect smile."

[07:49] you sent a message.

i MAY be in love. MAY. not AM you narcissistic freak

[07:50] haechan sent a message.

i MAY be in love with you too

ends up taking you to the carnival for your first date, winning you stuffed animals and dragging you on rollercoaster after rollercoaster (definitely not because he likes the way you wrap around him whenever you get scared), finishes the day with a photobooth and a kiss on the ferris wheel.

⌜ jaemin ⌟

the coffee shop is relatively bustling, people going in and out the moment they receive their orders, or stay inside to enjoy their cup of coffee. you and jaemin being the latter, both your perspective orders on the brown wooden desk, along side your thick biology books.

your book has been untouched for the last hour, notes and highlighters thrown onto it as you tap at your phone, eyes flitting from the screen to jaemin's face every few moments.

[07:22] you sent a message.

we're currently studying biology

[07:23] you sent a message.

oh welp im lying,, he's learning biology and i'm relearning all my favorite things about him

[07:23] you sent a message.

that was so cheesy- ive been spending way too much time with nana 🤧

[07:23] you sent a message.

he's mumbling something about adjectives to explain biology

[07:24] you sent a message.

the one three adjectives i can explain is him

[07:24] you sent a message.

focused, motivated, oh and most definitely cute

you don't seem to notice jaemin's eyes on you, a coy smile on his lips as he checks his nonstop buzzing phone, slightly giggling at how you seem to not notice you've sent your texts to the wrong person.

"if I had to choose between DNA and RNA, i’d choose RNA because it has u in it.” his sudden voice startles you, making you yelp and raise your head to look at him in bewilderment. "we fit together like the sticky ends of recombinant DNA.”

"excuse me, na jaemin." throwing a raised eyebrow at him along with a sarcastic chuckle. "but i don't understand smart talk."

"you must be a red blood cell because you take the oxygen away from my lungs straight to my heart.” the coy smile he sends you doesn't solve anything, and it takes you moments until you finally start to catch on to his quips.

"DNA spelled backward is AND, as in… me AND you"

jaemin's blinking, breaking into a laugh that shakes the table just enough to spill some of his coffee onto his notes. an excited grin breaks out on your face, butterflies flying in your tummy as his eyes glaze over with a sudden emotion.

"my sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me i love you."

⌜ chenle ⌟

5 minutes to his last buzzer and chenle's looking for you in the bleachers. his eyes are searching through the crowds of people, trying to find you in his signature red and white jersey, only to pout and huff when all he sees is unknown people waving at him, perking up seconds later when his phone vibrates.

[15:30] you sent a message.

look at him down there!

[15:30] you sent a message.

he looks like a freaking super star

[15:30] you sent a message.

hes THE ace,,, hes MY ace ohmygod :((

[15:31] you sent a message.

i just want him to know that whatever happens hes a winner in my heart yaknow??? not as if hes gonna lose i mean my chenle is the best one out there!!!!

[15:32] you sent a message.

pray for me bcs if he does win im gonna give him a big fat smooch :)

the coach calls for him before he has time to process your message, casually dragging him to play for his last round. his eyes are flitting from the score board, with a big red 60 vs 60 displayed, to the hoards of people. his eyes land on your for a second, the moment enough for you to send him a victory smile and thumbs up.

it's only in the last seconds when he scores the winning goal for his team does he celebrate, running away from the sports ground and leaving his confused team behind as he purposely looks for you. it's when you crash into his arms does he lift you into them, pressing a disorienting kiss onto your lips, with his teams roaring cheers as the background.

"i'm your chenle, i'm your ace!" it takes a minute for you to process his words, clicking two and two together before your jaw goes slack and an embarrased groan escapes from your lips. chenle grins when you bury your face in his chest, shaking you in his arms with all his added excitement. "can i have another kiss?" he peeps down to take a look at you, sending a bashful smile.

⌜ jisung ⌟

"park jisung this isn't funny!" you're sprinting down the stairs, a fair distance away from jisung who's already reached your kitchen, running for his life with your phone in his hand. "give me my phone back! jisung, i swear to god!"

the big laugh that erupts from jisung only gets to you even more, trying to run even faster after your neighbor whom you have had a crush for since childhood. all the while jisung is having the time of his life, running to your living room and cramping his lanky body into the first place he thinks of hiding, wedged between two sofas.

jisung's putting in your password, his birthday, and he's opening the message you've just received from renjun, reading your most recent chat with the chinese boy.

[14:09] you sent a message.

i dont know jun...

[14:09] you sent a message.

what if me confessing only makes us awkward?

[14:10] you sent a message.

i dont care if he rejects me, its jisung we're talking about here! he wouldn't hurt a fly! i dont think he'd break my heart that much..

[14:10] you sent a message.

i dont want 10 years of our friendship to go down the pipe just because of some stupid crush i have towards him

[14:11] you sent a message.

what am i going to do jun?

it takes jisung a moment to read between your texts and another minute to process that the boy you have a crush on, is in fact, him. the more he thinks about it, the more jisung regrets being a slow poke because the moment he finished, you're bounding in between the sofas and taking your phone from him.

there's a moment of silence, of you staring at the phone now in your hand and of jisung staring at his feet, shuffling and pouting his lips.

"jisung, i like you."

"i would never break your heart."

it's the day you became both jisung's bestfriend and lover, with him taking you on a date to the park later in the afternoon.

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abysslll · 2 years

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okok hi im here with public school stories :D

one time in grade 1 (?) I was doing jumprope and fell and I thought I was okay and when I walked into my classroom my teacher was like freaking out and turns out I was dripping blood all over the floor

one time a kid put a frozen pizza in a microwave for 17 minutes and got in barely any trouble

in grade 3 the class next to ours was practicing for a play and a kid tripped and fell and broke his ankle and we all heard the screams

in grade 6 my teacher was on paternity leave and the sub was horrible. a guy spilled water and when he went to clean it up the sub pointed to a group of girls and said "hey, clean the water. girls are made for cleaning"

same sub: we had a lockdown drill and he told us that there were no police in the school and no one had been informed of this drill so it was real and we were all gonna die. like just repeatedly telling us "this is how you die. be ready. theres no one coming to help". everyone was crying.

another sub (miss barbie doll) hit a kid with one of those rlly rlly long rulers multiple times. we got her fired :D

on the first day of grade 6 the pipes were broken and if you tried to flush the bathroom or use the sink, everything would come spilling back out.

in the third grade some kid hit the fire alarm and we were sent to stand outside in like –20 canadian degrees in the snow for like an hour before we were sent to the school next to ours so we wouldnt freeze to death and i was one of the few people not offered warm clothes

we went to a overnight camp one time and it was very weird. the guys who ran the camp had animal names. in the middle of the night the owners were running to the parking lot yelling "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE". we were taught a campfire song about bananas on the moon.

theres this little area at the basketball court thats two walls together and we would go there to play "death soccer". you would kick the ball into the wall as hard as possible and it would fly around nearly decapitating everyone. this was also a rlly good way to get soccer balls onto the roof.

there was an underground kazoo selling ring. i was part of it. people would buy a shit ton of plastic kazoos and sell them to the other students. i was one of the delivery people :D

one time these guys had to present a speech in front of the whole school and as soon as they got on stage one of them yelled "revoke the fifth amendment!" and people started cheering

this one kid stole another guy's phone and computer and smashed them to bits. he also kept a hammer in his locker. he was frequently violent and didnt get in trouble because he was smarter than most of us.

my friend likes telling the story of when he was in grade 2: he gave half the class a haircut and got suspended for it. the story had something to do with another kid scratching his eye so my bsf cut his hair in retaliation

i cant tell you how many times someone's tooth got knocked out or nose was broken. one girl broke her nose SIX TIMES at school

thats all i can think of for now, ill send u more stories if i think of them

"this is how you die. be ready. theres no one coming to help" SIR????? HELLO????????

the overnight camp tho that's some shit straight out of gemini home entertainment. i. would like to visit.

revoke the fifth amendment is the funniest thing to ever be yelled at a school assembly istg

also. what the fuck happened to that girl how did she break her nose six times

#bat <3 #endless asks #i'm so concerned

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zukkaoru · 3 years

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shhh i’m not on my phone at work got a second wHAT

35:) ramble to me, babe

35. ramble about any fic-related thing you want

corey this is so vague i don't even know where to begin skjgdfhdj uhhhhh what do i want to ramble about,,

WAIT OKAY I GOT IT

okay so back in like. february i think i did another ask game like this and someone (jo?? maybe???) sent an ask about meta/foreshadowing/hidden references for this ultraviolet morning light and at the time, only the first two(?) chapters were out so i couldn't talk about the foreshadowing, bc it was all leading up to the end of chapter six. but i can talk about it now bc the whole fic is up!!

i'll put it under the cut bc i know it'll be long + spoilers for those who haven't yet read tuvml

fic writer ask game

okay so first. all of the foreshadowing for the drowning scene. maybe i did already have a list of these in my google docs in case anyone every asked, maybe not, i won't say

anyway. i added in water/drowning imagery with zuko specifically in this fic, because of the drowning scene, and especially bc in the atla world, water imagery would generally be used with characters from the water tribes rather than someone from the fire nation. so it wasn't just me liking water-related words and shoving them onto zuko for no reason; it was intentional

chapter one:

- He really can’t think of anything more beautiful than Zuko drenched in moonlight - This is what fire feels like when doused with water. - It burns like fire consuming Sokka’s entire body, like he’s been dunked underwater and the surface has frozen over and his lungs are about to give out, but he’s going to keep hitting the ice anyways like he’s strong enough to break it.

chapter two:

- It washes over his body all at once, like a wave pulling him under the surface of the ocean, until his limbs are numb and tingly and his head sways. He’s completely frozen in place, eyes staring straight ahead but not really seeing anything. - He would’ve rather stood across from Azula in the Agni Kai arena and let her shoot him full of lightning, rather been dropped in the middle of the ocean

chapter three:

- Zuko searches the tumultuous ocean that is his mind for the right words - Zuko was telling them about Azula never quite getting the knack for swimming despite their annual vacations to Ember Island when they were little, and Sokka was so happy.

chapter four:

So he lets the words sink, lets them drown in the knowledge that he no longer has the right to talk to Sokka in the same way he used to.

chapter five:

The moonlight pours over him, drowning him in a soft white glow.

chapter six:

But…my doctors have told me that spending the rest of your life letting yourself drown in guilt isn’t going to help anyone.

also, people picked up on vai being a double agent, but no one picked up on the fact that she was a waterbender, even though i did hint at that too:

- Her brown skin is almost as dark as Sokka’s and her face and arms are covered in freckles. - It reminds Sokka of himself a little; the bright blue eyes of a waterbender but no bending ability to speak of. - How can you get better than a play with dragons, a star-crossed love affair, sun and moon symbolism, and a villain who has a secret past that ties them to the protagonist?

beyond that, there are also a lot of parallels/call backs to previous chapters/foreshadowing to future scenes just in general. the funniest one (and also completely unintentional one) is probably sokka and katara calling each other their least favorite [sibling]

“You’re my least favorite sister,” // You are, and I say this from the bottom of my heart, my least favorite brother ever. chapter 1 // epilogue

but there are. several more. and i'm not sure how many of them people picked up on so i will add them all bc i love them <3

Zuko would get himself arrested, kidnapped, killed, whatever if it would keep Sokka safe. // “I would give my life for [Zuko] without a second thought.” … “But would he do the same for you?” chapter 4 // chapter 6

When Sokka’s hand began to retreat, Zuko had reached forward, grabbed it, and whispered, “Please stay.” // “Don’t leave me.” Sokka says it like a prayer … like he would repeat it until he couldn’t remember anything else if it meant Zuko would keep holding him. “Just… stay.” chapter 5 // chapter 7

So they sit - Sokka and Zuko - on the roof of some abandoned building in the outskirts of the city. // “But now I’m pretty sure we’re just destined to be Sokka and Zuko” chapter 5 // chapter 7

“I just don’t think he’s trustworthy enough for this. … when he proves that he isn’t as reliable as you think - when he proves that he’s only ever going to let you down - I’m going to say I told you so.” // “Zuko is kind, and he is trustworthy and reliable. He’d never purposefully let me down” chapter 3 // chapter 6

this ^ was one i was hoping people would pick up on bc it makes the drowning scene/sokka pleading for vai to not hurt zuko that much angstier, but i'm not sure anyone did so now i'm putting those lines right next to each other so you're all forced to confront the pain <3

Is he still in love with Zuko? Is being in love enough? // But what good is any of that? Love isn’t always enough. // “It doesn’t matter who or where feels like home, it doesn’t matter if we’re in love. When you’re next in line for the throne, love isn’t enough.” chapter 3 // chapter 4 // chapter 6

Zuko warms his other hand on instinct, and apparently it was a good call because Sokka squeezes it tighter and presses closer to Zuko. “I forgot my mittens at home,” // I love you doesn’t always take the shape of those three words. … Sometimes, it’s Have you eaten today? or Don’t forget your mittens again! chapter 1 // chapter 6

this ^ is also one i thought people might pick up on but idk if anyone did or not. but it made me🥺🥺 when i wrote it

[religion tw for the last part]

okay i could leave it there but corey gave me an excuse to ramble and i've made the post this long anyways so one more thing! i explained this to corey a while ago when we were having dinner together but i find it very funny so i'm sharing it with all of you i say like anyone has actually read this far

i accidentally made zuko a Christ Figure in tuvml

"but grace, surely that's not possible," you say. "surely there's no way zuko is a christ figure! there aren't any christian themes in tuvml. you didn't even have anyone try to convince vai to forgive zuko or have anyone convince zuko and sokka that they should forgive vai! how could you have a christ figure in your fic???"

let me set the scene. it's 2019, you're a senior in high school, and you decided to take ap literature for the possibility of college credit. your teacher has this book called how to read literature like a professor that he has his classes read chapters from, and one of those chapters talks about Christ Figures in literature. one of those chapters also talks about baptism symbolism, and mentions how oftentimes, characters who are christ figures will go through a baptism of some sort - being "born again" after a scene where they come out of the water

do you want to know what zuko does in this ultraviolet morning light?

he goes into the water. and then he comes back out.

and do you want to know what i had sokka say about zuko shortly before he took a dive into the baptistry water?

Zuko looks away from him, resigned, like he’s ready to die as atonement.

see. i grew up Christian, i went to church every sunday and i have spent the majority of my life memorizing Bible verses either for awana or bible quizzing and. sometimes i just drop biblical words into my writing sometimes bc they're words i've heard since i was a kid, and they're words i learned make you sound smarter at church. so of course i throw them around while writing. i use them in essays, i use them in poetry, and i use them in fan fiction.

so was i trying to make zuko a christ figure in my fic? absolutely not.

but i had sokka say he looked ready to die as atonement (for the sins of his people), and then i had him go into the water, nearly die, and have to be "brought back to life" by suki's cpr, being "born again" after a "baptism" and

well

accidental christ figure zuko i guess

anyway. this went on for a while and i'm not sure anyone bothered reading all of it which. valid.

thank you corey for letting me ramble skjdgfdjgh i'm not sure this is coherent, nor should it have all been in one post, but whatever

#i am off to eat dinner now but please feel free to send in more questions!!#this ultraviolet morning light #rising sun verse #ily corey <3 #this got very long but i'm not really surprised tbh #ask game #corey tag

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heejinnien · 3 years

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araceli’s love letters

happy valentine’s day!

my favorite movie of all time is to all the boys i’ve loved before. in the movie, lara jean covey writes love letters to each of her past crushes. this gave me the idea to do this for valentine’s day: for this day, i’ll be writing my mutuals love letters of appreciation, in order of when we first interacted.

to: @elcie-chxn

— hello, laura. technically we met on twitter, but i wanted to include something for you :) thank you for always being so supporting of me and my writing. i know that if i ever need someone to ask, you’ll be there for me, and you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone that i know. you’re so funny and creative, and a very talented writer. i hope that we can talk more because you’re the exact kind of person i want to be really good friends with.

love, araceli

p.s. whiplash is one of my favorite tbz songs now

to: @00seonu

— when laura retweeted my about me post, you were the first person to follow my blog, even when i had no writing up. when i did begin to post, you were always there to like and support it. we haven’t interacted much (mostly through tags and chain asks) but you’re really sweet. your writing never fails to make me smile, and i hope that we can talk more.

love, araceli

to: @sighmah

— hello, sai. technically you aren’t a tumblr mutual because we only interact on twitter, but we both follow each other so i count that as enough to write you this. you’re so kind, funny, sweet, caring, and beautiful, and you never fail to put a smile on my face. talking to you brightens my day, and i love you to the moon and back. i hope we can continue our friendship for as long as possible :)

love, araceli

to: @puppywritings

— we haven’t interacted very much, having found each other through acceptance at the same time to a network, but from what i’ve seen of you on my feed you seem very sweet and fun. if it’s okay with you i’ll continue tagging you in tag games. your writing is really good, and i hope we can interact more.

love, araceli

to: @woodiegochile

— we haven’t had the opportunity to talk much either, but i definitely want to get to know you. you seem like a very fun person to talk to, as well as caring and sweet. your writing is very good, and i hope we can talk or interact more. if it’s okay with you, i’ll continue tagging you in tag games, and hopefully from here we only grow as mutuals :)

love, araceli

to: @mijing-z

— girl, you’re crazy and i love you :) you’re so sweet, funny, and kind, and talking to you is definitely one of the best parts of my day. we don’t really interact through tumblr, but we’re mutuals so you definitely earn a spot in my love letters. i know things have been hard at times, but i believe you can persevere through them. in the end, things will work out how they’re meant to be. i love you from the bottom of my heart.

love, araceli

to: @taegularities

— hello, rid :) you were the first one to sign on to my be collab, and i just want to say that i love you from the bottom of my heart. i remember the confusion i felt when you first dmed me the invite to the sss discord, especially upon reading the third s, but i’m glad i joined because it’s like a family for me. you’re so kind, thoughtful, considerate, smart, funny, and beautiful, and you writing is amazing. i hope that we can only continue to grow together as individuals, and i’m glad that you’re apart of my life.

love, araceli

to: @xiaokoo

— hello, dee. firstly, i love being your beta reader. your writing is always so moving, and i love being able to help you craft your stories and read it ahead of others hehe. secondly, i love you. you’re so funny and sweet, and even though i may (i will neither confirm nor deny this statement) pick on you from time to time, you mean a lot to me. i hope we can continue to grow together as writers and friends, and never change who you are.

love, araceli

to: @tae-cup-main

— hello, marria. i’m so glad that you messaged to be apart of my be collab. you’re so kind, sweet, funny, and considerate, and talking to your brightens my day. you’re such a talented writer, and an amazing co-captain. there’s no one i would rather be soulmates with, or no one i would rather be married to. i hope that we can only continue to talk and grow together.

love, araceli

p.s. when can i move into your guest house

to: @kassrole

— hello, kas. when you volunteered to beta read monsters, it was the beginning of our friendship. after we were both accepted to bcc, i didn’t know if we’d talk anymore, but as fate would have it rid invited us both to sss and we did. you’re so sweet, kind, and funny, as well as beautiful and talented. your graphics are insanely good, and your writing is on another level. i love you, and i hope that we can continue to talk and grow together.

love, araceli

to: @afangirldaydreams

— hello, duda. i’m glad you chose teaching, because you’re so kind and considerate, and you’ll be able to make a positive impact as a teacher. you’re also funny and sweet, as well as beautiful and talented. i’m glad that we’re in sss together, as there are no other people i would like to be with. don’t overwork yourself, and remember to take breaks for yourself. i love you so much, and i hope that we can continue to talk and grow together.

love, araceli

p.s. i hope you’re feeling better after eating all tat sushi

to: @jaeyoonurl

— we haven’t really had the opportunity to interact on a personal level aside from the occasional tag game, but you seem like a very fun and caring person. your writing is so good, and i love seeing your posts on my feed. if you’re okay with it, i hope we can talk and interact more.

love, araceli

to: @hoebii

— hello, fluff. i’ve never met someone as kind or pretty as you, and when you speak bangla, it makes my heart uwU in the best possible way. you’re so caring, and you’ve helped me so much. i appreciate the fact that i know you’ll always be there for me, to listen or to support me, and i hope that we can continue to talk. the future is so long, but together we can achieve anything.

love, araceli

to: @moccahobi

— hello, lil. when we first talked, you seem intimidating to me. however, when i dmed you a question about bcc, i could see that you’re actually really kind and friendly. since then you’ve only proven me right. you’re so sweet and caring, and so smart and beautiful, too. you do so much i’m amazed by it all, but despite that you still help others. you have a kind heart, and i love you so much. i hope that we can continue to talk and grow together, and i’m glad that i met you.

love, araceli

to: @kb-bangtanenthusiast

— hello, kb. we haven’t talked much outside of official purple army net business, but you seem so sweet and caring of the wellbeing of others. i hope that we can talk more as mutuals and friends, outside of purple army net, and get to know more about each other. i’m sure that you’ll only prove me right about how kind and caring you are, but if you’re okay with it i would like to learn other things about you as well. i’m sure i’ll discover over amazing traits about you.

love, araceli

to: @jinings

— hello, sunNI. thank you so much for all of your support. you’re so kind, loving, and sweet, and you always make me feel a little bit better. you’re so funny, and your writing is so cute and brings a smile to my face. i love being your junior concierge, and i hope that we can continue to talk and grow closer. i love you the most, and you can’t argue with me because i’m taller.

love, araceli

to: @mimikookie

— hello, sunli. you’re one of the kindest, sweetest, funniest, smartest, most caring people i know. you just have an amazing personality, and you’re exactly the type of person i want to be friends with. your writing is amazing, and i’m not just saying that as your (part-time) beta writer. i love you so much, and i hope that we can continue to talk for as long as possible.

love, araceli

to: @seoulphiles

— hello, crystal. we just began talking today (kshfgjksdfg) but you already seem kind, friendly, and sweet. your personality is so bright and fun to talk to, and even our mbti types say that we’re destined to be friends. i hope that we can continue to talk because you seem like such a wonderful person.

love, araceli

to: @/order’s up anon

— hello! i’m not sure if you’ll see this, but interacting with you is one of the highlights of my day. i always love receiving asks from you, as well as learning more about you. you seem so kind, loving, and sweet, and you have impeccable taste in music. is it possible to love someone when you don’t even know who they are? i hope that when the event is over we can continue to interact, and i hope that i can see some of your creations!

love, araceli

so this concludes my love letters to you. i’m very sorry if we’ve interacted and i didn’t include you, i went down my followers list but i may have skipped over someone. regardless, i love you all, no matter how big or small are interactions have been. i hope everyone has a wonderful valentine’s day, which is no less than they deserve. unlike lara jean, these letters are being sent after i’ve penned them, instead of being locked in a teal hat box for someone else to send :-)

signing off,

araceli

#araceli's love letters #happy valentine's day!

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vivalaluciforever · 3 years

Text

Everybody x Reader - Part Two (Angst Warning)

In group chat (with everybody)

(Y/N): Hey guys!

Everybody: (Commence mass and swift greetings.)

Beel Baby: How are you doing in the human world!?

Luci: I truly hope that you have readjusted well.

Asmo: We miss you! SO! VERY! MUCH!

In private chat with Lord Diavolo

(Y/N): Can I ask you a gigantic favor?

Diavolo: Anything! What do you need?

(Y/N): Can I come back to the Devildom permanently? I know it's a big favor to ask, and I know that it will cause issues with my safety. It's just... I'm all alone here in the human world. I promise I can work! I can continue schooling! I'll do anything!

Diavolo: (Y/N)... of course you can come back! We've all missed you terribly! When can we summon you?!

(Y/N): Gimme an hour! I can pack a quick bag to go and grab the rest later! Could I re-move into the House of Lamentations by any chance?

Diavolo: Of course! Also, from now on it's just Diavolo. When you get here, I need to speak with you for a moment.

(Y/N): Okay! Thank you so much, Dia!

Cue Diavolo processing nickname, and subsequently blacking out for a couple of minutes. Poor demon prince's pounding heart.

(Y/N) pov:

While Lord Diavolo summons everybody to RAD, I quickly pack a go-bag, grab the essentials, and make sure that everything is in order in my apartment. Rushing, I quickly check that the door is locked tight. Lastly, I sit on the couch and patiently wait for Dia to come and get me.

Suddenly, the sound of breaking glass sounds from my bedroom. Before I can even register what happened, a pair of hands force me back onto the couch. They cover and muffle anything coming from my mouth, while the attacker uses his body to force me against the couch making me immobile. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get myself free.

He takes out a cloth from his pocket, and I can't help but panic further. My assailant covers my mouth and nose with the cloth. In a matter of seconds, my brain feels fuzzy and my eyes close. Shutting me in a world of black.

~ With everybody ~

(The angels and Solomon joined them since Lord Diavolo summoned them all)

Third Person pov:

"Lord Diavolo, what is the meaning of this?" questions Lucifer.

To set the mood, Lord Diavolo is bouncing around like a giddy child that just got an early Christmas gift. Everybody is looking at him like he either a) lost his marbles or b) is the funniest thing on the face of the planet. Barbatos and Lucifer are barely containing their displeasure (except Barbatos is a master of hiding it), while Mammon and Levi are trying their hardest not to laugh. Satan and Belphie just watch in pure amusement... no Satan isn't taking a video. What do you mean? As for Beel, Asmo, and the other exchange students, they couldn't care less. They mainly just find it slightly entertaining.

"Lucifer!" exclaims Lord Diavolo in excitement. "I have wonderful news! You guys will never believe it!"

"Then spit it out already. I want to sleep," says Belphie with a heavy groan.

After getting Lord Diavolo to settle down, they re-ask him the question. "(Y/N)! It's about (Y/N)!"

"WHATD'YA MEAN! IS MY HUMAN IN TROUBLE OR SOMETHIN'!" half screams Mammon.

For once, in a blue moon, Asmo goes over to calm down Mammon. You can tell that Mammon is genuinely terrified that something happened. After all, this poor tsundere clings to you like the greedy demon he is. For now, Asmo set aside the normal quips and barbs, trying to take care of his brother. He knows that you'd want him to do so.

Lord Diavolo lets out a grand laugh. "No! She asked to come and stay permanently in the Devildom! I, of course, said yes! She asked to reinhabit her old room at the House of Lamentations permanently! Hence why I called the other exchange students to ask if they wished to rejoin the program or if they simply wanted to visit from time to time."

"SHE'S COMING BACK!" practically everybody screamed.

Mammon's eyes widen in excitement. "I'll have to take care of her again! N-Not that I-I w-want to. YA HEAR!"

"My snacking buddy will be back!" Beel's face looks like a happy little puppy.

Belphie lets out a tired smile. "Snuggles..."

"HUSH! We won't overwhelm her when she first gets here. We'll make her dinner and talk the night away. We still have school tomorrow, after all." responds Lucifer with a cool glint in his eye. Only people who truly knew him saw the fires of excitement in his orbs.

"Don't act like you aren't all excited either Lucifer." jabs Satan.

"Nonsense. The school will be getting a week off for 'important royal business'." states Lord Diavolo in all certainty.

Abruptly, Luke walks over to Lord Diavolo and gently tugs his pant leg, face bright red from having to do so so that the demon prince will recognize that he's there. Lord Diavolo kneels down, which obviously causes Luke's blush to intensify. He glances to Simeon, who gives him a smile and a nod of his head, before continuing.

"Simeon and I have decided that we would l-like to r-rejoin the program." stutters out Luke.

Lord Diavolo shines a gentle smile, all the while Simeon works to cover up his chuckles. "Of course Luke. How about I set up scheduled baking lessons for you and Barbatos?"

"REALLY! I-I mean sure, n-not that I w-want to..." stutters the flushed little angel.

"I am very pleased that I will get to bake with you once more Luke," states Barbatos gently to the flustered angel. Luke just responds with a small smile.

For the first time in this whole conversation, Levi pipes up. "When is (Y/N) coming?"

"Any minute now. I set the portal to grab her an hour after our conversation." he pauses and glances at his DDD. "And... now."

Everybody looks all over the room, eyes wide in excitement. All of their faces holding loving eyes and kind smiles. They just wait. They all know that strong spells like this take a while to be fully completed and properly completed.

Nevertheless, five minutes pass by. Then ten minutes pass, and then fifteen. By the time the twenty-minute mark passes, everybody is officially worried. They can't think of what could have possibly gone wrong.

"Are you sure you set up the time for an hour?" inquires Barbatos to the concerned lord.

Lord Diavolo just shakes his head. "I'm quite certain. I know for a fact we did since we sent texts, and both of us did agree on an hour's time. Here, I'll just try texting her. Who knows? Maybe she just lost track of time. She had to be on her couch when it activated."

In private chat with Lord Diavolo

Diavolo: (Y/N), did something happen? Did you have to leave the couch? Could you please answer? We're all terribly worried.

(Y/N): (Y/N)'s not here anymore. If you ever wish to see her again, then you better follow my orders.

Diavolo: What have you done to her?

(Y/N) Intruder: Nothing yet, but if you wish to get her returned to you, then you better come and follow the clues. Otherwise, I'll kill her. You have one hour to start the puzzle. I'd wish you luck, but quite frankly I don't want you to win.

Third-person pov:

That was the day that the whole Devildom trembled in terror. That was the first time they truly saw the fury of their future king and the full outrage of his closest companions. That was the day that made it clear to everybody. Touch the demon prince's, his butler's, and the seven deadly sins' closest loved one... you will suffer a fate worse than death. The other exchange students agreed with their... passion.

"Time."

"To."

"Save."

"(Y/N)."

And they all went together, as one joined force. The kidnapper will regret this, they swear that on their lives.

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mst3kproject · 4 years

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The Ship of Monsters

Check me out, I’m being topical! I had another review almost finished for today, but when I saw the news I knew I had to set that aside and find a movie about life on Venus. This one is a ridiculous Mexican film starring Lorena Velazquez from Samson vs the Vampire Women (looking only slightly less like Cher) and one of those amazing cardboard robots you only get in the very worst of late 50’s and early 60’s sci-fi.

An atomic war on the planet Venus has killed off all the males, so an expedition is sent out in search of replacements, consisting of a native Venusian named Gamma, her Uranian navigator Beta, and their robot Tor. After promising the Empress that they will bring back only the most manly of men, they wander the solar system a while collecting creatures with penises before an engine problem forces them to land on Earth. The first human they meet there is Laureano Gomez, a singing cowboy with a well-earned reputation for telling tall tales. One might assume one could predict the rest of the movie from there… but then Beta turns on Gamma and reveals that her true mission all along was to conquer a planet to feed the vampires of Uranus!

I gotta say… I did not see that coming.

The Ship of Monsters is supposed to be a comedy. It’s seldom funny when it’s trying to be, although it mercifully avoids being the kind of desperately unfunny a lot of bad comedies are… possibly this is because it’s in Spanish, and by the time I’ve realized something is stupid there’s another subtitle to distract me. The jokes, such as they are, are pretty standard. Tor the robot was created by an alien race, who were aware of Earth but never bothered exploring it because they thought the inhabitants weren’t very intelligent. Laureano is in the habit of telling ridiculous stories to his drinking buddies, so of course when he claims the Earth is being invaded by space monsters they don’t believe him. That sort of thing. The movie is much funnier when it’s just showing us absurd situations, but to nobody’s surprise, The Ship of Monsters is at its funniest when it’s trying to be serious.

This hilarity comes in many forms, covering just about all the possible bases for a dirt-cheap 1960 sci-fi film. We have spaceship sets made of cardboard, covered with buttons that don’t actually press and levers conveniently placed so people can bump into them during fight scenes. We have Tor, with his tin can body that’s always a little dinged up but never in the same places, giving us clues as to what order the scenes might have been shot in. He also has wiggly spring antennae and makes a little whirring noise every time he moves. We have space babes in silver bathing suits and glittery high heels. Vampire-Beta, sporting plastic fangs that look like they came from the bottom of a cereal box, could be the female counterpart to the guy from Dracula vs Frankenstein, and the puppet used to represent her in flight is nearly as bad as the one from The Devil Bat.

The ‘monsters’ of the title are a bulging-brained Martian prince, a scaly cyclops, a spidery creature with venomous fangs, and the mobile skeleton of what appears to be a *damn worwelf (he tells us that his race has Evolved Beyond Flesh... apparently not Beyond Bones, though). The costumes are all terrible, particularly the warwulf puppet, whose backbone extends into his mouth and who has to be carried around with his feet dangling in any shot that’s not a close-up. It’s nice, though, that a little imagination went into them, and somebody gave a bit of thought to the idea that a monstrous appearance is relative. The Martian tells Beta that he admires her ambition and might even marry her if she weren’t so ugly by his planet’s standards.

At the end, naturally, this alien invasion is defeated by Laureano, his twelve-year-old brother, and a cardboard robot, while Gamma just stands around and screams. With a movie like this I expect nothing less. The denouement contains my favourite intentional joke in the whole thing, in which Gamma stays on Earth with her True Love, and Tor the robot takes his, the Jukebox, back to Venus with him! Tom Servo would have given a speech to congratulate the happy couple, and I can just see him breaking down into happy tears before he got five lines in.

(The wirwalf skeleton is not present at the climactic fight, by the way… no explanation is offered, and I strongly suspect that they broke the puppet trying. I rather enjoy this omission, because it lets me imagine him getting lost or maybe buried by an enterprising dog, and finally finding his way back to the landing site only to learn that they’ve left without him.)

I called Laureano a cowboy but he only has one cow. Her name is Lolobrijida and she is the very first time I have ever seen a movie spur a hero into action by killing his cow. She gets a proper Teenagers from Outer Space death, with her skeleton left behind propped up by metal struts like a dinosaur in a museum!

I also called him a singing cowboy, which he is – there are several songs, including one in which he tries to explain to Gamma and Beta what ‘love’ means. The songs have pleasant but forgettable Mexican pop melodies, and none of the lyrics make a whole lot of sense. Being translated over-literally from Spanish probably didn’t do them any favours (my own Spanish tops out at yo no tengo dinero), but I still can’t imagine that the What Is Love song clarified anything.

Laureano himself comes across as kind of a fool, but he’s not actually a full-on idiot, which is quite important. If he were the kind of one-dimensional ‘comedic nitwit’ embodied in characters like Dropo, or the janitor from Reptilicus, he’d be insufferable. Laureano is no genius, but he’s got personality traits besides being stupid – he cares deeply for his little brother Chuy and for his animals, and he doesn’t treat Gamma and Beta’s appearance as two women for the price of one. Very quickly he decides that Gamma is the one he loves, and he sticks to that, doing his best to let Beta down gently even when she offers to make him a king. He’s also smart enough to trick Beta into dancing with him so he can steal the device she uses to control the rocket and Tor, and to listen to Gamma when she tells him about the various monsters’ weaknesses.

Gamma and Beta, on the other hand, don’t have a lot to them besides the basic fact that Gamma is the Nice One and Beta is Evil. Gamma starts out in the story with a strong sense of duty, and it’s a bit disappointing to see her abandon that because of Tru Luv. I would have liked the ending better if she’d taken Laureano home with her so that the two of them could be the Adam and Eve of the new Venusian race. Meanwhile, Beta shows no sign of any loyalty except to herself and her own ambition. Her original mission, to secure Earth as a blood supply for the Uranians, falls by the wayside as she decides she’s going to conquer and rule the planet herself.

So The Ship of Monsters isn’t exactly a feminist manifesto, but neither is it complete misogynistic garbage like Project Moon Base. The whole premise, after all, rests on a planet of women being able to develop space travel all on their own! This is a fairly surprising plot point, because in many ‘planet of women’ movies like Fire Maidens of Outer Space or Cat Women of the Moon, the ladies need the virile Earth Men to come to them.

There’s also a little bit of actual science peeking out of the cracks. The moment for launch of the rocket from Venus is determined by when ‘the elliptical orbits coincide’. Launch timing is, indeed, a delicate art depending very much on what’s orbiting where. There’s also the moment when, trying to land on Earth, Gamma and Beta worry that the friction, combined with our oxygen-rich atmosphere, will set their ship on fire. This stuff is pretty impressive coming from a time when the moon landing was still nearly a decade away. There are even a couple of scenes in zero gravity that honestly aren’t totally terrible. I mean, I’ve seen better, but I’ve also seen much, much worse.

There’s also one weirdly prescient moment when Laureano, telling one of his silly stories in the pub, describes being surrounded by dinosaurs – only to get a laugh a moment later when he mentions that they had beautiful plumage. I’m not sure whether this is meant to be a joke in that Laureano is exaggerating an actual encounter with an angry bird into something more fearsome (I think we’re to assume that the whole story is totally made up), or whether it’s just supposed to be funny that Laureano thinks dinosaurs had feathers instead of scales. Either way, it’s the equivalent of the moon Fornax in Menace from Outer Space being so reminiscent of Io. There’s no way the writers could have known that, but it’s interesting nonetheless.

The Ship of Monsters is very cheap and very dumb, but it’s good fun for those of us who like crummy old alien invasion movies, and I recommend it to anybody in that demographic. As for actual life on Venus… I feel like a lot of the people getting excited are too young to remember when Bill Clinton told the world that we had totally found life on Mars. Humans have been discovering life on other planets for about two hundred years and every single one of those ‘discoveries’ has turned out to be either a mistake or an outright lie. We have plenty enough to panic about this year without a Venusian invasion.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the ship of monsters #cows in fridges #60s #tobor is robot spelled backwards

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les-mis-still-makes-me-cry · 4 years

Text

Lily Evans Definitely Has a Boyfriend Chapter 2

Enjoy! Chapter 1 is here

Every hour that passed seemed longer than the last. Lily was certain that Remus lived fairly close by, so she was on tenterhooks all afternoon, thinking at any moment Scarlett would flap back through the window. How long could one trip take?

Petunia asked Lily at dinner if she and her “boyfriend” (Lily could hear the quotation marks in her sneering voice) wanted to come to the dinner on Saturday, to which Lily replied that she was sure he would just LOVE to come, she’d just have to write to him and ask.

“Oh, how wonderful,” Petunia replied, sarcasm lacing every syllable. Lily quickly ran upstairs to pretend to write the letter, avoiding any further questioning about her secret relationship.

The sun was just setting when Scarlett returned. Lily raced to the window to catch her, frantically untying the thread attaching the letter to her leg. She started to open it, when she was distracted by Scarlett mercilessly nipping her finger.

“Ow, that hurts you daft- oh, I promised you a treat, didn’t I,” Lily realised. Scarlett hooted in affirmation, ceasing her assault when Lily laid out some of her favourite treats.

Lily quickly opened the letter and started scanning Remus’ neat handwriting.

Dear Lily,

My holiday was pretty standard until I received your letter, which I found highly entertaining. It’s probably not what you want to hear right now but this is possibly the funniest mess I’ve ever heard of you getting into, and that’s including that time you thought Slughorn was flirting with you. I’m still confused at how you supposedly hate your sister, yet want to spend days planning a wedding with her and her friends. You two make me glad I don’t have siblings.

I would love nothing more than to get involved and help you become a bridesmaid, however unfortunately for your plans, I can’t help you this Saturday. There’s a certain monthly engagement that I can’t cancel, as much as I would like to, and I’m sure you want to ensure your sister and her fiancé remain bite-free for their big day.

I hope you can find another actor to play the part, maybe Slughorn isn’t doing anything this weekend (one day I’ll maybe stop bringing that up, but it’s unlikely). Please do keep me in the loop and let me know how it all turns out.

Your friend,

Remus

P.S. Can I still claim on the grovelling some time? The boys have something planned for the first day back and we could really do with a blind eye being turned. Don’t ask me anything else, I’ve been sworn to secrecy (but it’s mostly harmless, I swear).

Lily sighed in frustration and flopped back onto her bed. Dammit. She hadn’t checked her lunar chart since the astronomy exam in June so she had no idea the full moon was so close. She felt a pang of guilt that she hadn’t thought to check, knowing how much it hurt Remus being reminded of his condition, and knowing that she was one of the few people in the world he trusted to keep it secret.

She’d heard speculation about it for years from Snape, of course, but he was so obsessed with making those boys seem evil she had just put it down to overactive imagination at first. Over time though, she began to see how his theories might line up with reality, noticing the regularity of Remus’ visits home and his exhausted demeanour surrounding them. The fundamental difference between Lily and Snape, however, was that Lily simply didn’t see how it was any of her business. Remus was an alright bloke with terrible taste in friends, and that was all she needed to know.

Lily hadn’t even meant to let Remus know that she had guessed what he was. They were just finishing rounds together one Wednesday night, heading back to the common room after shepherding a sleepwalking Ravenclaw back to her tower. Remus stretched and yawned, already looking a little pale despite Lily’s calculations that the full moon wasn’t until next week.

“What- day are we- patrolling- next week?” he managed to say through his yawn.

“Tuesday, but I can get Marcella to cover you if you won’t be up to it,” she said without thinking, taking off her jumper now she was safe in the warm common room rather than the draughty corridor. When she got it over her face and saw Remus’ stricken expression, she realised what she had just said.

“I mean, not that you wouldn’t be up to it, can’t think of any reason you wouldn’t be okay next Tuesday-” she started babbling, before Remus cut her off.

“Did Snape tell you? He swore to Dumbledore that he wouldn’t say anything,” Remus’ whisper seemed tiny in the empty common room. His face had gone white despite the red glow of the dying fire.

“No, no, I haven’t spoken to him in months and even when I did he never said anything concrete, I just realised that his theory sort of made sense,” Lily quickly replied. Remus stared at her for a long second, biting his lip. He seemed to be trying to figure something out something very complex.

“But you’re still happy to patrol with me and stuff? I don’t want to make you do anything if you’re not comfortable being around… what I am… and I know it’s a lot to ask to not tell anyone, but Dumbledo-” He was cut off by Lily throwing her arms around him.

“Don’t be an idiot, Remus, I’ve known for months and it hasn’t stopped me being your friend. I would never tell anyone.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Remus’ arms closed around her and held on tightly.

***

Lily smiled at the memory, before the sinking feeling hit again, realising that she was still date-less for Saturday night. Remus would have been so perfect as well, she mused. Shame there would be no way of convincing Tuney to change the date, since Lily suspected that would simply result in her losing any chance of being a bridesmaid.

She reread Remus’ letter, hoping for guidance on what to do next.

I hope you can find another actor to play the part…

Who could she possibly get? Obviously, any muggle boys she knew from primary school were out, Petunia already knew them all better than Lily did. All the other Prefects apart from Remus were fairly good friends, but even Lily admitted they were a bit too… reserved for this kind of venture (she stopped herself from using the word dull). She didn’t know any of the Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff boys in her year well enough, and the one Slytherin she knew all too well was absolutely not an option. So that left her with just…

Lily put her head in her hands, finally reaching the conclusion she had been trying to avoid. She knew exactly who would love to pretend to be her boyfriend for an evening, hell, he’d be happy to do it for the rest of the summer. And Merlin knew he would love a chance to pull a prank on someone new, deprived of new targets being stuck with just his family all summer. And, Lily thought begrudgingly, he did have a sort of charm about him that tended to make people like him even when they were determined not to, which Petunia most definitely was. And he wasn’t as appallingly arrogant as he had been a year ago. And he wasn’t the worst-looking bloke in the world, although Lily would never have admitted that unless Veritaserum was involved.

“Fine,” she groaned, reaching for another piece of parchment. Her quill hovered over the page, wondering how to start this thing.

Potter,

She immediately vanished the word with her wand. She was asking a huge favour, now was not the time for surnames.

Dear James,

She vanished that too. She couldn’t have him getting the wrong idea before they’d even begun.

Why was this so difficult? She wondered. In person she seemed to have no issue talking to Potter, or indeed coming up with ever more creative ways to decline his proposals (although she was out of practise on that one). It must be the subject matter throwing her off, Lily convinced herself. After all, how often does one ask a boy who fancies you – or at least did for a while – to pretend to be your boyfriend?

Come on, Lily, it’s just Potter, she admonished herself. Get a grip. Dipping her quill back into the ink, she began to quickly write.

James,

It’s Lily. I know I’m probably the last person you expect an owl from in the holidays but I’ve got myself into a little bit of a pickle, and I think you’re probably the only person who can help me get through it.

I told my sister I had a boyfriend so that I could be a bridesmaid in her wedding. It’s a really long story, but that’s the gist of it. The issue is that I currently don’t have a boyfriend to go with to the dinner on Saturday night for the whole bridal party, and without going to that dinner I have no hope of being a bridesmaid, or ever having any sort of friendship with my sister again.

I am NOT (Lily underlined this twice) asking you to be my boyfriend, just to be clear. What I am asking, stupid as it sounds, is if you want to use your flair for drama for a good cause for once, and pretend to be my boyfriend for the evening. If your Saturday night is free and you fancy playing a Muggle at a nice restaurant, send an owl back as soon as you can.

If you say no I’ll just have to tell my sister you got dragon pox and died tragically this Wednesday out of the blue, and I’ll grieve you accordingly, but know that you’ll watched like a hawk for all of next year (Remus mentioned a certain first-day-back prank that you would very much like kept quiet. I’m not saying I would spoil it, but McGonagall may be pointed in the right direction. Yes this is blackmail, but desperate times, Potter.)

Anxiously awaiting your owl,

Lily Evans

That ought to do it, she thought. She folded up the letter, wrote James’ name on the front, and took it over to Scarlett, who twittered indignantly at being sent out again so soon.

“I know, I know Scar, but this really is urgent. I’ll give you as many treats as you can eat as soon as you’re back, I swear,” Lily pleaded. Scarlett stopped trying to flap Lily away, which she took to mean begrudging acceptance, and tied the letter to her. “It’s for James Potter, I’m sure you can find him.”

Scarlett immediately soared out the window, trying to get back as soon as possible for those treats. Lily marvelled for the thousandth time at how incredible it was that owls could find people so easily, despite Lily having no clue where Potter lived at all.

James, she mentally reprimanded herself. If he was going to be her fake boyfriend, she should probably start with civility. She wondered if this was a good idea after all. Would she even be able to convince Petunia that she was in a relationship with a boy she had been repulsed by the presence of just a year ago? Would he even want to do this with her?

Lily needed something to distract herself from her doubts. She decided to go downstairs and make herself a cup of tea before she tried (in vain, she suspected) to get some sleep. Making her way to the top of the stairs, she groaned inwardly seeing light still coming from the kitchen below. Lily prayed it was her mother, not Petunia.

Thankfully it was her mum, finishing up the last of the dishes from dinner. Lily breathed a sigh of relief and switched the kettle on, picking up a tea towel to help dry off the stack of wet dishes.

“Thanks, love,” her mum smiled, hugging her as best she could without getting her soapy hands on her daughter. “I thought something was maybe wrong earlier, you left dinner quite sharpish.”

“Yeah, I was just…” Lily struggled to think of what to say next.

“Too eager to invite that boyfriend to dinner?” Lily’s mum elbowed her, a knowing look in her eye. Lily welcomed her mother’s excuse.

“Yeah, I’m not sure how long the owl will take to reach him, I’ve not sent him anything before now,” she said.

“Ah, I did think it must be a recent thing. I couldn’t believe you hadn’t told me about him yet!” said her mum reproachfully.

“Ah well, with all the end of year madness to write about I guess I just didn’t think. Plus it wasn’t really such an official thing, it just kind of… happened,” Lily babbled, wondering how little she could say to satisfy her mother. Luckily, her mum was a romantic at heart, and anything Lily said was enough to make her mum sigh happily.

“That’s always the best way, isn’t it,” her mum said dreamily as she absentmindedly scrubbed at a saucepan. “Sometimes they just sneak up on you, and before you know it you’re in love.”

“I’m not in love with James!” Lily squeaked, shocked at the very idea. She cringed at her mum’s next words.

“Ah, maybe not yet, but it’s early days yet, dear,” Lily’s mum smiled. “And his name’s James, is it? That’s a nice name.”

“Yeah he’s… a nice boy,” Lily ventured, hoping her mum wouldn’t notice the twinge of sarcasm in her voice.

“Well I can’t wait to meet him. And I’m so glad you and Petunia are going to have the wedding to bond over, it’ll be a nice change from the bickering.” Her mum finished washing up and started putting away the dried dishes. Lily rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, like me and Tuney won’t find something new to fight about there,” she muttered.

“You two don’t know how lucky you are,” her mum said wistfully. “I always wanted a sister to dress up with, and talk about boys with, and-”

“Help each other sneak out of the house with,” Lily finished the speech for her. “Honestly mum, it just sounds like you think Tuney and I haven’t given you enough trouble over the years, I can sneak out and drink if you really want. I’m still underage in the Muggle world, you know.”

Her mum laughed loudly. “Absolutely not, you cheeky girl. I should probably be grateful that you two never put your minds together like that, I’d lose all authority.”

“What authority?” Lily quipped, and her mum swatted her with the tea towel.

“Shut it, you,” she joked. Her face grew serious again as she took the last of the plates from Lily. “Really though Lil, promise me that you’ll do your best to get along with Petunia until the wedding? You only get married once, and you know how much your sister loves Vernon, I don’t want anything to put a damper on her special day.”

Immediately Lily thought of several choice remarks about Vernon and Petunia, but seeing the look on her mother’s face she realised now really wasn’t the time to play comedian.

“Of course I’ll try mum, I don’t want to ruin Petunia’s wedding. I’ll be the best bridesmaid ever,” she said with as much sincerity as she could muster. Her mum gave her a tight squeeze.

“Thank you so much love, you were always the mature one. Don’t tell her I said that,” she whispered into Lily’s hair. Lily stepped back and mimed zipping her lips, smiling back at her mother.

“Now off to bed you, you may be an adult in your world but under this roof you’re still my daughter,” her mum ordered, swatting her once more with the tea towel.

Lily dodged out of the way quickly, grinning as she poured out her cup of tea. “Yes, ma’am,” she said. She headed back upstairs, her mum following closely behind after turning out the kitchen light.

Still smiling, Lily sat down her bed and took a sip of tea, feeling it warm her up. She regretted that she couldn’t have chats with her mum like that more often, given that she was away so much of the year. Letter writing was okay, but writing always felt so impersonal, so detached from real life. It could never compare to being home with her. She was thrilled to be a witch, but leaving behind her mum every year was as hard as it was at eleven.

But that wasn’t for another month, she reminded herself, clearing the sad thoughts from her brain with another sip of tea. She glanced over to Scarlett’s empty cage, wondering how long it would take for her to return. It was a strange reality of Hogwarts life, she mused, that you could live with people the majority of the year and yet have very little idea of where they actually came from.

Despite her earlier doubts, the tea did in fact tire her out, and within half an hour she was sound asleep.

***

As soon as she woke the next morning her eyes went straight to the window, but Scarlett wasn’t there tapping to get in. She sighed, resigning herself to another day of anxious anticipation. She started to get dressed for the day, trying to prepare what she was going to reply to Potter when Scarlett returned. Would he say yes, she wondered? It had been a year since the last time he asked her out, and Lily knew several girls had tried to go to Hogsmeade with him throughout 6th year. Not that she paid attention to gossip, of course. She wasn’t interested in who Potter was dating, unless it meant that she was without a partner on Saturday night.

She was just heading downstairs for some breakfast when she heard a hoot from the front door. Lily frowned. Why wouldn’t Scarlett just go to her window like always? She tried to continue on to the kitchen but there was another hoot, louder this time.

This was weird behaviour for any owl, and Lily’s was always the model of good behaviour. Maybe she was hurt? Lily rushed to the door, not wanting Scarlett to suffer. She unlocked the front door, and opened it.

Looking down for an injured owl, she saw nothing but a pair of feet in brand new trainers. Her eyes travelled up, and there he was, his hand already buried in his messy black hair. Lily’s jaw dropped.

“Potter?” she croaked.

James smiled in a way he clearly thought was charming.

“Now, is that any way to greet your fake boyfriend?”

***

Chap 3

Thanks for reading! Future chapters uploaded to AO3 here and FFN here :)

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illegiblewords · 4 years

Note

hm-- i'm going to be the obvious one and suggest lahabrea (or hades, whichever someone hasn't already sent!)

YOU’RE IN LUCK, NEITHER HAS BEEN SENT!

LAHABREA

First impression: Wow what a boring villain, very 2-D with shitty dialogue and bland motives wearing the all black spooky-like. And we are supposed to be very impressed and intimidated just like Hydaelyn. When is Heavensward?

Impression now: My friends I have 180′d and now love this poor sad loser to pieces. Emet-Selch revealing that no, Lahabrea really has been being a lameass this entire time and why the hell did we take him seriously when he had such horrendous decision-making throughout was the beginning. Seriously, I basically yelled laughing when the “crowning moment of idiocy” line happened. Because until that point the models for Ascian behavior were Mr. I-laugh-at-explosions-and-yell-about-Zodiark Lahabrea, Sir I-don’t-talk-much-but-when-I-do-it’s-about-Zodiark-and-balance Elidibus, a certain I-hate-all-these-people-because-Zodiark-likes-them-better-WAITAHOTCHICK Nabriales, Ms. I-fucked-up-and-will-never-live-it-down-so-no-longer-show-my-emotions Igeyorhm, and a couple of oneliners. None of whom have seemed overly self-aware. The second that line came out of Hades’ mouth, it became clear that YES we can judge them all and NO this is not some kind of standard Ascian behavior we should just accept. None of them have to act that way. They’re just weirdos.

Then Shadowbringers happened and there was a period of “wait how did Amaurot’s top orator turn into the Lahabrea we know” and learning that Lahabrea was weak because he kept body hopping despite knowing it was damaging him.

Aaaaand at Gamescom, bless Oda and Yoshida, they gave the single smoothest fix and I am eternally grateful. Workaholic Lahabrea is a gift. He probably doesn’t even know what he’s saying most of the time and is just trying to give the impression he knows what he’s about before dropping a monster and running off.

But then combining all the info and playing detective with past scenes he’s actually really sad. Still lame and stupid funny at times but also sad as hell when dots get connected. At this point I figure he’s motivated by guilt complexes, denial-flavored-tempering, and fear of both falling asleep because nightmares and how much blood will rest directly on him if he fails. Because I think I remember seeing that Zodiark was his idea. And literally everyone except for him, Hades, and Elidibus died in connection with that.

I think he’s a Stepford smiler in the sense that internally he is deeply, deeply fucked but he distracts himself in how ridiculous a lot of the FFXIV situations are and laughing at the resulting blow-ups. Space-dragon-ghost-explodes-out-of-the-moon-to-wreak-havoc is a hell of a thing for the history books. I also think he probably knows or assumes people don’t like him and that he deserves it. I also think that while the other two Unsundered get frustrated with him, he’s probably also been hiding the level of fucked up he still is from them in a lot of ways and they assume to varying degrees that he’s being irrational, hot-headed, arrogant, and stubborn with it. I think in actuality he’s somewhat aware but is semi-deliberately hurting himself and alternately doesn’t think he has a right to stop or is horrified by how much less capable he is after spending thousands of years essentially hurting himself through body hopping and overwork. Reprimanding him probably doesn’t work because he already has a lot of reason to detest himself. I also think he probably tries really hard not to think about himself on a personal level because once he falls into that pit he’s not getting out easily, so there’s a solid amount of repression going on too.

I could go on. He is a sad clown to me who tries to cover up how tired he is by vomiting five syllable words.

Favorite moment

See, there’s funniest moment and there’s most interesting moment. His intro at the Thousand Maws of Toto-Rak makes me giggle a lot now. Most interesting to me is possibly his exchange with Elidibus after Nabriales’ death or when he shows up late to a meeting and discreetly tries to explain why he should be allowed to work again.

Idea for a story

:[ I don’t know if I can do it because I am still very happily committed to my Hades/WoL sequel, but following the story Stalemate I did I could see a situation with that specific WoL checking the Eye post-Shinryu and freeing Lahabrea. Very scenario-specific and all but I have some ideas about that.

Unpopular opinion

Idk if unpopular so much as different?

I’ve seen a lot of Lahabrea variants that I think are really cool and interesting! Some are very serious and dignified. Some are intimidatingly hot-tempered. But for me, part of what I find intriguing are the ways he doesn’t quite add up with the persona he’s trying to portray. I also really like small, cute human elements in characters that let you fall in love with them a little. This goes even for characters I find reprehensible because IMO it’s important to take both the endearing and the appalling together when forming opinions. It’s still fiction and I don’t think it translates to “if you like a character who committed murder then you like murder” or anything. I do think though that if the audience steps back and has to say point blank whether they think the character is a good person, a bad person, or somewhere in-between (regardless of liking them) that kind of thing becomes important.

I can understand why people would write off the iffy early writing to just spin Lahabrea as a highly respectable, unflappable, untouchable dude. I definitely still enjoy stories where he’s written that way. It’s just not so much how I read him haha. I think he tries to be that but there’s a lot of comedy and tragedy going on with him internally that hits hard when embraced. And I think being assumed as immune to any kind of vulnerability or real connection would probably fuck with him a lot too. Before the Ascian we know, he was considered one of the most exemplary citizens of Amaurot. It would be weird imo if he was completely isolated even then, and seeing how he got from Point A to Point B has a ton of pathos potential.

I also like him a lot despite thinking Thancred is absolutely justified in hating his guts, but it doesn’t come up as much with me so I could see there being some ???

Favorite relationship

XD I just did a WoL/Lahabrea shipfic personal challenge so naturally that influences me a bit so far as shipping goes. That said I am a multishipper. I could see him with either of the Unsundered being interesting. I’ve seen some cute stuff with Igeyorhm too but have less strong of an opinion there currently. Non-shipping I think he’s probably closest to Elidibus, has a sort of testy relationship with Hades but they ultimately do care about each other, and possibly has some level of closeness with Igeyorhm too. I also think that Nabriales dislikes Lahabrea more than Lahabrea dislikes him and that can cause some interesting problems.

Probably in-general I’m just very here for dysfunctional Unsundered trio.

Favorite headcanon

The workaholic thing and the self-destructive thing are technically both canon. His being lame specifically because of being tired all the time I think is probably it because the rest just follows for me haha.

As a smaller, more mundane headcanon I think Lahabrea is a super ugly sleeper most of the time. Probably drools.

Will do a post for Hades too and tag it but need to do other stuff for a bit! BUT THANK YOU!

#lahabrea #ascians #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14

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roseskiesandbutterflies · 4 years

Text

Killer Queen: Chapter 8 - Scandal

Summary: Life is easy when things go your way. I know this from experience. I also know that that can disappear in an instant and that you have to be able to rely on your friends. Luckily my name is Arabella Ruth White and I’m the fifth marauder. But I want to show you the girl behind the mask. It takes a lot of work to be this fabulous, darling.

A/N: If I got any information about Diwali incorrect, please let me know so I can change it. I'm not Hindu and all of my research was done online and I dread to think how reliable that actually is. Also, happy late Diwali since it wasn't that long ago. That's a lie but let me have this, please.

Drunk Ruth is the funniest thing I've written in a while also more writers need to try writing drunk narrators for their stories because some wack shit comes out of that. Bonus points if alcohol is not featured in the scene at all. Double bonus points if you're writing in the third person. Extra double bonus points if the narrator almost reveals important events that haven't happened yet (could be used as a plot device). The drunkenness was definitely not inspired by the amount of Echo Falls I had last night.

Me?? Including my feminist shit in my stories?? More likely than you think. Please don't start arguing over abortion in the comments though, please. Thank you kindly. I just felt the need to yeet in my opinions about it after all the shit that happened in the USA.

Sorry for not updating for about six months. It is a bit ridiculous, I know, but oh well. Half-term ended up being a lot busier than anticipated and I had a lot of writer's block and procrastination when I finally got around to writing this. And I did my research and Diwali actually fell on Sirius's birthday in 1975. You would not believe how happy I was about that. If you caught the Brooklyn Nine-Nine reference I love you. The title for this chapter came from Queen's 1989 album, The Miracle.

Word Count: 3.2k+ (hopefully that makes up for the delay)

Inspiration: You Can’t Make Me Love You by -FromEden- on Wattpad, All The Young Dudes by MsKingBean89 on AO3, The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god

Warning(s): talk of pregnancy and abortion, underage drinking (although it’s in the UK so it’s fine lmao), swearing

Tag List: @bhmay @briarrose26 @bijoukitty

Ask to be on my tag list! Let me know if it’s for a specific fandom(s). The full list is in my bio. Also let me know if you’re on my tag list already but you only want to be on it for a specific fandom(s) I won’t be offended if you ask as long as you’re polite about it tehe.

Never before had Diwali fell on and around Sirius's birthday. James had joked about it many a time in the past but the look on his face when he discovered the date of the next new moon in Astronomy was one of surprise and amusement. This meant Sirius's usual birthday celebrations - a.k.a. a ridiculous party - would have to be slightly altered. Not that the birthday boy minded an awful lot. He was rather fond of the traditions involved and his face lit up like the diyas themselves. The day before had been spent creating Rangoli patterns on the floor of their room, Kingsley thankfully not minding as it was part of James's culture. Also, as it had been a Hogsmede weekend, we spent the majority of the day following James around so he could buy new things for the Hindu new year. And also to get Sirius's birthday presents when he was too distracted by the games in Zonko's.

James's parents had sent a huge box fall of diyas, all varying in colour and size, that had required four owls to carry. Along with it was a lovely heartfelt letter to all of us, reminding to stay safe and revise and all that, but to also have fun with whatever we were getting up to. James definitely teared up at one point but he remained in denial. Silly billy.

Now, after knowing James for a good four years, my knowledge of Hinduism was rather extensive, if I do say so myself. So according to James, Diwali lasts for five days with different festivities on each day. This year, it had started on Halloween so as soon as we returned from our epic prank, we quickly set up with the help of a spell or two and then let James do his thing. The same pattern repeated until now, which was the fourth day of the celebrations and James's favourite day, in his not-so-humble opinion.

Last night had been spent by setting off as many fireworks as we could possibly do, using the fact that it was Diwali to our advantage. They couldn't exactly tell us off for celebrating a festival, right?

Today was the first day of the Hindu New Year so, of course, we had stayed up last night to welcome it properly. This meant we were all a little tired, especially since we woke up a little earlier too.

The night to come appeared to be rather busy so, while Peter went to get some breakfast for us all, we set up the new diyas, cleared the ones that had burned out last night and fixed the slightly smudged rangoli patterns. Once James had declared everything good enough for tonight - which, as you can imagine, took quite some time - we headed down for our first lesson of the day.

Fucking Herbology.

Sirius did, on many occasions throughout that lesson claim that since it was his birthday, he legally didn't have to be there because he was "Sirius McFucking Black and no man can tell me what to do from this day forward".

Unfortunately for him, Professor Sprout was no man and in fact a very angry woman who "will still give you detention Mr Black if you continue with that language in my classroom".

Suddenly, a petite, barn owl flew in the classroom with a letter in its beak. This could only mean one thing: an escape route. I rapidly tapped on the arms of the boys, not once taking my eyes off of the owl, "Teacher owl, teacher owl, teacher owl, teacher owl."

They all snapped their heads up to look at said owl, who was now perched on Sprout's desk. The teacher took the note - the owl took its leave - and she read it carefully, squinting. A look of both gratitude and distaste made its way onto her face. Definitely for one of us, then. The boys seemed to think the same as I was met with excitement and intrigued looks when I turned to them.

"White!" Sprout's voice boomed throughout the greenhouse, holding up the letter. Groans of disappointment rippled throughout the class and people started going back to their work. She handed me the letter and I opened it without haste.

Dear Miss White,

Please go to my office right away. This is a matter of urgency. You are not in trouble but this does, however, concern your family.

Sincerely,

Professor Dumbledore.

P.S. I have been rather fond of chocolate frogs lately.

Now, unsurprisingly, I had received enough of these notes in the past to know that the whole chocolate frog thing was just a hint for the password. Not very subtle but oh well. The matter at hand was obviously what the fuck this was about. I wasn't in trouble for starters which was, quite frankly, weird. A million possibilities ran through my mind as to what this could be about. It involved my family and was serious. Did someone die? Merlin forbid it but at the current state of the wizarding world, I couldn't help but consider it. It was certainly a possibility, as much as I wished it wasn't.

"What does it say then?" James asked in an extremely disheartened tone.

"I need to go and see ye olde Dumbledore. Doesn't say why," I started packing up my stuff to leave.

"Someone's in trouble!" Sirius said in a sing-song voice that made me want to punch him in the face.

"No, it clearly says I'm not in trouble, you dickhead!" I yelled as I smugly strolled out of the greenhouse.

"Bitch!"

"Twat!"

"Prick!"

"Wanker!" I ran out as quickly as I could after that, leaving Sirius to get into trouble with Sprout. That was my birthday present for him. I practically sprinted to Dumbledore's office, every cell in my body bursting with curiosity. Once I arrived, I pretty much fell into his office from pure exhaustion. Exercise and I were not on good terms. I picked myself up from my mostly ungraceful entrance to see two people already sitting opposite the headteacher.

"Ah, Arabella, glad to see you received my note. Take a seat," Dumbledore greeted me and gestured to the chair closest to me. I cautiously took it and only then did I get to finally see who I had the pleasure of having this meeting with. None other than the Head Girl and Boy. Or otherwise known as my cousin and her boyfriend. Melanie and Filip. The golden students of Hogwarts. Everybody idolised them and for good reason. Seemingly perfect, they were the Athena and Apollo of our school. Smart but not bookworms. Kind but not pushovers. Beautiful but not vain. So it was no surprise to anyone when the titles they held were bestowed upon them. I, for one, did not believe in soulmates but Melanie and Filip came pretty damn close. Melanie was the daughter of my mother's twin sister. Two years older than me although I think I had corrupted her more than she had me. The type of cousin that you only saw once in a blue moon but when you did, all hell broke loose and you had the time of your lives. I knew very little of Filip but his reputation of being an all-around nice guy preceded him for miles. Their presence was some form of comfort to me because I couldn't possibly be in trouble if they were here too.

"May I ask what this is about?" I looked around the room for it had fallen silent. Melanie uncharacteristically refused to look at anything other than her lap. Filip was gazing off into the distance as if he was a model. Dumbledore was just being Dumbledore so no changes there, not that I expected any.

"Melanie, would you like to explain?" the headmaster asked to which the girl in question frantically shook her head.

"I can't," her voice, no louder than a whisper, broke halfway through. My heart instantly dropped, this couldn't possibly be good. She was usually so strong, so independent. I didn't recall ever seeing her cry so this must be a big deal. Filip grasped her hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Filip?" Dumbledore tried a different strategy.

Clearly struggling with his words, he ended up just murmuring, "Melanie's pregnant."

And so it seemed that even the finest china you had ever seen could be chipped. Misfortune would always be lurking somewhere in the shadows, ready to strike at any given moment. Nobody was ever safe from it, not even the few angels who walked among us. Out of all of my friends, Melanie would be one of the last I would suspect of being pregnant. This list of friends included my male friends so that was saying something.

But at the same time, who was I to judge her? It wasn't as if I was a virgin either. That ship sailed a long time ago. She was allowed to do whatever (and whoever, if you know what I mean) she wanted. Providing she wanted this to happen. Not the baby but the cause of it. Some people can be absolute twats sometimes but if the father was indeed Filip, surely that wasn't the case.

Regardless of how it occurred, they now had to work out what they were going to do about it. Would they be expelled? Arrested? They were both 17 and therefore adults in the wizarding world. They would be fine, right?

"Ari?" Melanie spoke up, audibly calmer than before and much more like the Melanie I knew and loved, "Say something please."

Only then did I realise that my rather extensive thought track meant that I had not yet said anything. "Sorry, I just- what are you planning to do about it?" That was my top priority for I needed to know how to support her. I couldn't care less about her decision but I did care about her.

"Wait, you're not mad?" relief visibly flooded every cell in her body like a waterfall. I hated that she had been expecting anger and disgust when I would never be like that towards her, even if I wanted to.

"Darling, of course, I'm not mad! These things happen, OK? I just need to know what you want to do about it."

She bit her lip and exchanged a quick glance with Filip, who had been gradually relaxing since I had first spoken, "We're not sure just yet if I'm honest. I was wondering what you had to say on the matter?"

"I will support you no matter what," I answered truthfully, "You want to have the baby? You have the baby! I will be that aunt who corrupts it as much as possible and you know it. But if you're not ready then just abort it! No one will hate you if you do, it's just a fetus the size of a grain of rice for crying out loud! It's entirely up to you, my dear."

"Well said," Melanie smiled slightly. Dumbledore cleared his throat and we all turned to him.

"Just as Arabella kindly put it, you do indeed have the choice. The baby won't be due until August and, seeing as you will no longer be at Hogwarts by then and will both be 18, you hold the right to keep it."

A long, rather awkward silence ensued, which was understandable given the situation. Melanie's glazed eyes told me she was deep in thought but a small, impatient part of me just wanted to break her from her trance, shake her up and down and yell at her to make a decision. I told myself to shut the fuck up because this was a huge decision to make and could potentially affect the rest of her life. Regardless of her choice, this would become something that would certainly loom over everything for a while at least. Besides, it was easy for me to tell her to hurry up because I wasn't going to be the one to raise the damn child. Or children. Twins were common in our family. Luke and Rhea for example. And my mum and Melanie's mum too.

"I'm going to keep it," Melanie whispered. I almost missed it due to the voices inside my head. I still didn't believe it.

"Really?" I asked, sounding a lot more incredulous than I intended.

"Yeah, I, sorry, we," she squeezed Filip's hand back, "We always knew we would have kids after Hogwarts, so why not get a head start?"

I had to admit she made a valid point and, if the look on Filip's face was anything to go by, this baby would grow up having two loving parents. Though, I couldn't ignore my instincts screaming at me to stop her, to tell her that this was a bad idea, to tell her that this wasn't going to go according to plan because nothing ever does. Even while I watched Dumbledore promise to hide the pregnancy. Even while I watched their faces of glee at the realisation that they were going to be parents. Even while I said my goodbyes and left the office. Even then I stayed silent. Because who was I to try and control my cousin's body?

*********

The second lessons ended for the day, Minnie collected James so she could take him to the Mandir in Edinburgh, as worship and seeing family was an important part of Diwali. He wouldn't be back until after dinner so we spent the time 'studying' to get Remus off of our backs and then set up for the party later on. Without Sirius looking of course. Although I must say getting him to bugger off for a while was easier than expected and may or may not have involved an extreme game of fetch. Let's just say that Snivellus wasn't all that pleased to find me lobbing his beloved textbook down the stairs.

All of the stairs.

Personally, I found it hilarious but Lily had a slight difference of opinion. Even when I tried to defend myself and call it my other birthday present to Sirius.

Regardless, it got one of my crackhead friends out of my hair for a while. We managed to hang banners from the ceiling, enchant a disco ball to whizz around like a not-as-dangerous bludger and cast a spell that meant glitter would just hover in the air to give the common room a glitzy feel to it.

Perfect for Sirius's sixteenth birthday. Although that concept alone was a little hard to comprehend. The fact that he had the mental age of a six-year-old was seriously convincing me that his birth certificate was wrong. That would explain a lot except he was still a fucking tall bastard. Although seen as I was only five feet one, everyone was tall compared to me. Apart from Alice, the fucking midget. She may or may not be only half an inch shorter than me but that half an inch made all the difference ('That half an inch made all the difference': title of Marlene's sex tape).

Moving on, the party itself started at around 9 so as to give everyone enough time to get ready. In that time, I managed to throw on a silver glittery jumpsuit with flowy legs and matching heels, do my hair and makeup and put on my accessories; all of which take longer than you first expect. An animated look was painted onto Sirius's face when we gave him permission to open his eyes and see what we had definitely put effort into creating for him. 'Permission' seems like a strong word until you learn that we had to hex his eyes shut to prevent premature peeking. We know him too well.

We had David Bowie records blasting from my poor record player all night, and while I tried to sneak in a couple of Queen ones every now and then, James just reprimanded me, saying that "it should be up to the birthday boy" and that "I would get my turn in a few weeks anyway". To which I did what I do best and sulked next to the drinks table by myself, thinking of ways to piss James off that I would almost certainly forget by the time I was sober. I was coming up with ways to fuck up the wanker's beloved broom while having a few gulps of what I believed was firewhiskey, when Remus approached me, tension oozing from every part of him. He grabbed the rest of my drink, downed it all in one go without a trace of a grimace, before turning to me and huffing deeply.

"What's up, buttercup?" Okay, so I might not have been entirely sober enough to deal with can-and-will-kill-you-if-you-do-so-much-as-breathe Remus but I'd be damned if I didn't give it a good go. Besides he wouldn't dare murder me. He loves me but he's bloody terrified at the same time, the same goes for pretty much everyone now I think about it.

Okay back to the issue at hand. Remus just gave me one of those looks that pierces your soul so sharply that you have to look down to make sure you haven't just been stabbed. Once I got past that armour of I-know-your-entire-life-story-and-I-would-sell-it-for-half-a-pizza-and-a-milkshake, I found a look of such hopelessness that I found myself unwillingly sobering up slightly, "Darling, what's going on?" I leaned in, knowing full well that he was going to be as quiet as possible with his reply. God, I know too much about these crackheads.

Of course, I was right with this assumption as he mumbled, "I got into a fight with Idania," he looked at me with a sorrow that I wasn't used to seeing in any of my friends, let alone at a party.

But I could only see red because I don't care you the fuck you are if you hurt any of my friends then you better fucking pray for your life. Jaw visibly clenched, voice dangerously quiet, "Where is she?" My temper was inches away from bubbling over when he didn't respond, "Where the fuck is she, Remus?"

I made to move, tunnel vision without even knowing what happened, but he grabbed my arm first, an iron grip from years of stopping me from launching punches at certain people, "No, Ruth. I wouldn't let you even if I knew where she was." He stared at me in a way that was scarily reminiscent of McGonagall and I knew I couldn't just leave him like that.

"What happened then?" I was trying my hardest to calm down and decided that my best shot was to drink some more.

"She saw some of my scars and asked where I got them from and I wouldn't say and it just escalated from there. What was I supposed to say? There's nothing you can say in that situation that won't worry her," he sighed and gulped another drink down.

I furrowed my brows, concentrating on thinking of a solution, though nothing came to mind. He had a point after all, what do you say when that happens? It all comes down to violence in one way or another and you can never not stress someone out with a cause of pain. "She'll come round if she's worth keeping."

A tiny flicker of hope danced in his eyes, minuscule but still there, "I hope to Merlin you're right."

"Honey, same," I pushed a cup of something into his hand and grabbed one for myself," But for now, we can get pissed off our asses and worry about this tomorrow. Sound good?"

"Oh fuck yes."

#marauders #james potter #Sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #marauders headcanon #marauders imagine #marauders fic

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the-desolated-quill · 5 years

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‘But They’re Covered In Nipples’: The Story Of Destroy All Humans - Quill’s Scribbles

Another E3 has come and gone. There was some good announcements. Square Enix unveiled their Avengers game, Keanu Reeves came on stage to give us the release date of Cyberpunk 2077, Ubisoft are making another Watch Dogs set in London, and... um... what else happened?

Oh yeah!

DESTROY ALL HUMANS IS BACK!!!!!!

Yes, the cult classic Destroy All Humans is returning next year, developed by THQ Nordic and Black Forest Games. This was quite possibly the nicest surprise I’ve ever had. When the teaser trailer came up on my YouTube recommendations, I practically screamed the house down. It’s a level of excitement I felt when 20th Century Fox announced they were finally making a Deadpool movie.

Yeah. That excited.

Destroy All Humans was my favourite video game series growing up. I played the first two games non-stop on my PS2 and I even bought a Nintendo Wii and PS3 just so I could play Big Willy Unleashed and Path Of The Furon (yeah, we’ll get to them). Unfortunately, while the series was reasonably successful, it never quite broke through into the mainstream, and it ended up having a very short lifespan, making it one of the most underrated franchises of all time.

So, to mark the return of Crypto and Pox, I thought I’d take a retrospective look at the series as a whole. Analysing each game in the franchise and talking about what made them so good, whilst also looking at how it faded into obscurity and how THQ Nordic and Black Forest Games can hopefully avoid this fate with their remake.

Radioactive, Exploding, Zombie Cows

The first Destroy All Humans was developed by THQ and Pandemic Studios (the latter probably most famous for making the original Star Wars Battlefront games. You know? The good ones that weren’t overloaded with loot boxes and microtransactions) and was released in 2005 on the PS2 and Xbox. You play as a Furon warrior called Cryptosporidium 137, or Crypto for short, who is tasked with harvesting the brains of humans in order to extract pure Furon DNA from them. His leader Orthopox 13, or Pox, explains that the Furons are at risk of cloning themselves into extinction as they are unable to reproduce naturally due to a lack of genitalia and the DNA in their cloning banks are starting to degrade. Fortunately the Furons visited prehistoric Earth on their way back from destroying the Martians and took the opportunity to ‘let off some steam’ with the natives. As a result, humans possess a strand of Furon DNA that can hopefully restore the Furons’ reproductive organs. Unfortunately a secret government organisation called Majestic (a sort of cross between Project Blue Book and the Men in Black) have caught wind of the Furon invasion due to Crypto 136 crash landing in Roswell 10 years earlier. So Crypto 137 will have to be extra cautious in his quest to take over Earth.

The game was released four years after Grand Theft Auto III, which had completely revolutionised gaming with its open world sandbox. As a result, other companies were attempting their own open worlds and putting their own spin on them. While Destroy All Humans didn’t quite have the same scale as GTA, it made up for it with quality over quantity. The game offered six small open world areas for players to have fun in and its central premise was utterly captivating. After countless games where you had to fight alien invaders, Destroy All Humans allowed you to play as the alien invader.

Pandemic Studios completely embraced the alien invasion premise, giving the player a vast number of weapons and abilities to wreak havoc on planet Earth. You had access to weapons like the Zap O Matic, Disintegrator Ray and Anal Probe (no, really, there’s actually a gun called the Anal Probe and it’s as funny as it sounds) as well as mental abilities such as Psychokinesis, Hypnotism and the Cortex Scan, which allowed you to read the thoughts of humans and was also used to help maintain your Holoblob disguise in stealth missions. And if that isn’t cool enough, you also get your own flying saucer, which you can use to destroy buildings and landmarks. The game gave you a lot of freedom, essentially dropping you in a small destructible playground and telling you to go and enjoy yourself.

But the thing I loved most about the first game was the writing. The plot itself is actually pretty good with plenty of twists and turns as the military and Majestic become more and more desperate to stop you. And the humour, my God the humour! Honestly Destroy All Humans remains to this day one of the funniest games I’ve ever played. It’s use of satirical humour and 50s pop culture references never failed to make me chuckle. There was one moment that I’ll always remember where I scanned the mind of a police officer and it revealed that he was thinking about forming the Village People. If only he could find a cowboy, an Indian and a construction worker.

The game’s main source of comedy mostly came from poking fun at the culture and attitudes of the time period. 1950s America was of course gripped by ‘the Red Scare,’ which the game mocks frequently as we see Majestic and the US government try desperately to cover up alien activity by blaming the death and destruction on communists, to the point where it just gets more and more absurd. At the end of each mission, a newspaper headline is shown, often blaming recent events on freak weather or communist propaganda. Yes, that should explain perfectly why people’s heads are exploding and why the cows are glowing green. It’s all perfectly normal. No aliens here. What’s that? A little green man in a flying saucer is blowing up ice cream trucks? Damn you commies!

The game also pokes fun at 50s sci-fi B movies, often parodying and lampshading the tropes and gimmicks one would expect in a low budget sci-fi flick. For example, the game ends with you fighting a giant robot that houses the President’s brain. It’s fully aware of how ridiculous and stupid it all is and clearly revels in it. Killer robots, mind control, radioactive animals, mad scientists and secret government conspiracies galore. Destroy All Humans is very much a love letter to cheesy sci-fi.

But by far the biggest draw was the main characters. Crypto and Pox. They’re both such funny, wonderfully realised and likeable characters. Pox is voiced by Richard Steven Horvitz, who you may remember from Invader Zim, and he gives the character a maniacal glee. I honestly could listen to his rants all day. He’s the quintessential evil genius. Crypto meanwhile is voiced by J. Grant Albrecht, who gives the character a Jack Nicholson-esque voice. Unlike Pox, Crypto is crass, crude and craves destruction, which often puts him at odds with Pox, who favours more subtle styles of invasion such as mind control. The two characters often bicker and squabble, which never fails to be entertaining, and yet there is an underlying respect and fondness for each other that helps ground the relationship. It’s the perfect double act.

Destroy All Humans was a good game, but does it still hold up? Well there are a few issues. Controls can be a bit clunky at times and missions can often get repetitive. Destroy x number of farmers. Collect x amount of DNA. That kind of thing. Also, annoyingly, there’s no checkpoints, which means if you die or fail the mission, you’re automatically sent back to the Furon Mothership and you have to start the mission all over again. But the writing, humour and entertainment value more than make up for it.

Hot Monkey Love

While the first game wasn’t what you’d call a hit, it was successful enough for THQ to commission a sequel. Destroy All Humans 2 was released in 2006 on PS2 and Xbox, just one year after the first game, and this time Crypto was going international.

Set in the 1960s, ten years after the events of the first game, the KGB in Russia learn about the Furon’s takeover of America and plan a counterattack. They nuke the Furon Mothership, killing Pox, and try to assassinate Crypto 138, who is posing as the President of the United States. The assassination fails and Pox’s mind is able to survive in hologram form. The two then embark on a global adventure, seeking revenge against the KGB and uncovering a massive conspiracy that puts the entire Furon invasion at risk.

Destroy All Humans 2 is an ambitious sequel that increases its scope from the first game. No longer confined to America, we see Crypto terrorise San Francisco, London, Tokyo, Russia and even the Moon. Our arsenal of weapons are also expanded. The original weapons from the first game return as well as some all new ones such as the Disclocator, which fires a purple disc at a human or vehicle and sends them flying around the map, the Burrow Beast, which summons a Tremors-esque space worm to cause carnage, and Meteor Strike, which I think speaks for itself. We also get a few new mental abilities such as Transmogrify, which allows you to turn objects into ammo, and Free Love, which causes everyone in the general vicinity to start dancing, allowing you to make a quick getaway while they’re distracted. The saucer too has some extra features, including a cloaking device and the ability to drain vehicles of health using your Abducto Beam.

This sequel pretty much takes everything that worked from the first game whilst tweaking the things that didn’t. The GTA style Alert system got a complete overhaul. If you want to raise or lower the Alert level, all you have to do is bodysnatch a cop or a soldier and make a call using a police box (you can also make prank calls from them, which is good for a giggle). Holoblobbing has been replaced with Bodysnatching, which works so much better and it does away with the annoying Concentration meter, so you can PK cars and humans to your heart’s content. There’s also a lot more stuff to do now. There are numerous collectables such as Alien Artefacts, which unlocks the Burrow Beast weapon, and FuroTech Cells, which are your main currency that can be used to upgrade your health and weapons. Missions have greater variety than in the first game. There’s a lot more side missions, including Odd Jobs and my personal favourites the Cult of Arkvoodle missions, where Crypto brainwashes humans to worship the Furon God Arkvoodle of the Sacred Crotch.

As you can tell, the humour is still just as wacky and ridiculous as ever. Destroy All Humans 2 lampoons and ridicules the 60s mercilessly, taking aim at the Cold War and the hippie counterculture movement. It also pokes fun at 60s sci-fi films, spy films and Japanese movies like Godzilla. In fact there’s a boss fight that involves you fighting a Godzilla-esque monster and it’s honestly the best boss fight in the series. It regains health by destroying buildings, so you have to destroy them first before you can kill the monster. It’s a great premise.

Story-wise, Destroy All Humans 2 is a worthy successor, raising the stakes and expanding the lore. We’re introduced to the Blisk, the Martians that were presumed extinct by the Furons millions of years ago. It’s a brilliant conflict and ostensibly allows the developers to make commentaries on America and Russia at the time using the Furons and the Blisk respectively as stand-ins. Crypto and Pox are well written, funny and likeable as ever and we’re also introduced to an assortment of new characters, including the Russian spy Natalya and MI6 agent Ponsomby (voiced by none other than Anthony Head from Buffy). The game is engaging and rewarding, but it crucially never takes itself too seriously. For example there’s one instance in Tokyo where Crypto learns about the battle between the White and Black Ninjas and he guesses that the conflict started because of the cliche student betraying his master type origin, but it turns out that both groups of ninjas were originally Grey, but then they ran out of grey fabric and disagreed over which colour they should be instead. There’s so many great comedic moments like that and they pretty much hit bullseyes every time.

That being said, there was one aspect of the game I didn’t like and that was the crude sex jokes. Crypto 138 is the first clone to have pure Furon DNA, which means he now has genitalia. As a result, this new incarnation of Crypto is far more randy than 137 was in the first game. This mostly takes the form of Crypto constantly trying to hit on Natalya, despite her showing no sexual interest, which I personally found pretty gross. Worse still, the game ends with Crypto cloning Natalya and ‘making a few adjustments’ so she will consent to have sex with him. The word ‘creepy’ doesn’t begin to cover how I felt about this. If THQ Nordic and Black Forest Games ever decide to remake the second game, I really hope they consider rethinking that ending because... Jesus!

On the whole, Destroy All Humans 2 was a brilliant sequel. It was also sadly the last Destroy All Humans game to be developed by Pandemic Studios before they were bought by EA and eventually shut down in 2009. Unfortunately this would have a severe impact on the future of the series going forward.

Limp Willy

The next game in the series was a spinoff for the Nintendo Wii, released in early 2008 and developed by Locomotive Games. A PS2 version was also planned, but was scrapped due to budget cuts (remember this. It’ll become relevant later).

Destroy All Humans: Big Willy Unleashed was... underwhelming, to say the least. Set in the 1970s, six years after the second game, Crypto and Pox have opened a fast food restaurant called Big Willy as a way of disposing of the corpses left behind during Crypto’s missions. However a rival fast food chain, run by Colonel Kluckin’, is stealing their business and socialite Patty Wurst is threatening to expose Big Willy (smirk). So it’s up to Crypto to protect Pox’s Big Willy (haha) and maintain their cover on Earth.

Now you’re probably thinking this sounds quite tame compared to the previous two games, and yeah, it is. But it’s a spinoff, so I can understand to a certain extent. However there are a few narrative discrepancies. The big one being Crypto has retired from being the President. No explanation given as to why and we have no idea what Crypto is doing instead. When we first see him, he’s watching TV. He doesn’t even know Big Willy exists until Pox brings it up. So what’s going on exactly? Are they still trying to invade Earth or have they gone native? Also, compared to the grand conspiracy stories of the previous games, Crypto protecting a fast food restaurant sounds a little beneath him.

Gameplay is virtually unchanged from the previous game. There’s some new guns such as Ball Lightning and the Zombie Gun, but nothing special. The biggest addition is Big Willy, the restaurant mascot that’s actually a Furon battle mech in disguise. It’s... fine. Not that much different from the Saucer really. We also get some new locations. Harbor City, Fairfield in Kentucky, Fantasy Atoll (a weak parody of Fantasy Island) and Vietmahl (a painfully obvious homage to Vietnam). None of these locations are particularly interesting however. There’s also a multiplayer mode, which... exists.

Honestly the game as a whole is just lacklustre. The story just isn’t as good as the first two games and the humour doesn’t have the same wit or intelligence. Most of the comedy surrounds the fact that Pox has called his restaurant Big Willy and isn’t entirely aware of the double entendre, which admittedly is funny for the first few missions, but by the time you’ve finished Harbor City and move on to Fairfield, the joke gets old real fast. There’s less of an effort to actually satirise the culture or films of the time, instead merely making 70s pop culture references without ever actually doing anything with it. It’s like the Family Guy school of comedy. Take Fantasy Atoll for instance. A pisstake of Fantasy Island, but instead of Mr. Roarke and Tatoo, we get Mr. Pork and Ratpoo. That’s the level of humour we’re talking about here.

What’s worse is that J. Grant Albrecht and Richard Steven Horwitz don’t return as Crypto and Pox. Sean Donnellan and Darryl Kurylo voice the characters instead and it’s just not the same. It doesn’t feel like Crypto and Pox. So from the very first cutscene, we’re already off on the wrong foot.

And then there’s a bunch of other stuff that I find really questionable. The most obvious being the revelation that Colonel Kluckin’ makes his chicken wings from the corpses of the Vietmahl (Vietnam) war, which just seems in very bad taste to me. If there is a satirical point being made here, I can’t find it for the life of me. There’s also some side missions where Crypto finds out that he and Natalya have a son, which goes absolutely nowhere and doesn’t feel like something that should be in a Destroy All Humans game.

Overall, Big Willy Unleashed was a massive dud meant to tide us over until Destroy All Humans 3 came out later in the year. Honestly the one aspect of it I thought had potential was the side missions involving Crypto and Pox being assessed by a Furon Efficiency Expert called Toxoplasma Gondii. Considering what happened in the second game, including the destruction of the Furon Mothership, the return of the Blisk and the Furon operation on Earth being jeoprodised, this could have been a great premise for a sequel.

Instead what we got was...

Disco Inferno

Oh boy. Where do I begin?

Path Of The Furon was developed by THQ and Sandblast Games and released in December 2008 on the Xbox 360 in North America. The PS3 version was cancelled because Sandblast (and Locomotive Games) was closed down before development was finished due to THQ’s financial problems at the time. However the PS3 version was released in Europe and Australia, so either THQ got another studio to complete it or, more likely, they just released it in a broken, buggy state.

Fans really didn’t like this game, myself included, but before we go tearing it a new one, lets look at the few positives the game has. First off, J. Grant Albrecht and Richard Steven Horwitz return to voice Crypto and Pox, which is great. As a result, the original chemistry is back and they help salvage the game when the writing fails to deliver. There are a few cool new weapons, like the Black Hole Gun and the Venus Human Trap, which creates a giant man eating plant. The Saucer’s weapons have been tweaked, so now they affect the environment as well as destroy buildings. So if you fire your Death Ray at the ground, for example, you can create scorch marks. PK now has its own dedicated button, which means you can pick up and throw objects whilst using your guns simultaneously. There’s also the titular ‘Path Of Enlightenment,’ which upgrades your mental abilities significantly as well as allowing you to freeze time.

That’s the good stuff. The bad stuff is... pretty much everything else.

The humour is, again, quite poor. Rather than satirising 70s culture, the game continues to make references to 70s films like The Godfather and Star Wars, but not actually doing anything with them. Just making the reference. The writing as a whole is quite substandard as the plot pretty much recycles the plots of Destroy All Humans 2 and Big Willy Unleashed, except instead of the Big Willy restaurant, it’s the Space Dust casino and instead of the Blisk, it’s Nexosporidium warriors, who are basically Furon cyborgs. Things do threaten to get a bit interesting when Crypto and Pox discover someone has been manufacturing synthetic Furon DNA, but nothing ever really comes of it. Instead the game focuses mainly on the Master.

Ah yes. The Master.

In an attempt to recapture the magic of the second game, Path Of The Furon tries to spoof kung-fu movies just like how DAH 2 spoofed spy films. Unfortunately this leads us to a slew of unfunny gags, cultural appropriation and some of the worst racial stereotyping I think I’ve ever seen. The Master is a Furon who crashed on Earth a hundred years ago and embroiled himself in Eastern culture, enhancing his PK abilities. This is what he looks like:

YYYYeah.

Oh and if that’s not awkward enough, he also speaks in an over the top ‘ah so’ accent. It’s incredibly cringeworthy and made me want to crawl out of my body and hide in the darkest corner I could possibly find. How anyone involved in this game’s development could look at this deeply racist and downright embarrassing excuse for a character and think this was okay, I don’t know.

And before anyone tries to excuse it by saying that he has been living in China for a hundred years, so he’s bound to pick a few things up, please note that Nolan North is in this game playing the Furon Emperor Meningitis, who also has an over the top ‘ah so’ accent. Now I suppose some could argue that the game is satirising how Asian people were portrayed at the time, but if that’s what the game is going for, they’ve failed miserably. See, the problem with that argument is that replicating something doesn’t count as satire. By recreating over the top racist caricatures, you’re not making fun of them. If anything you’re just reinforcing them. The first game’s satire of the Red Scare worked so much better than this because there was an actual point behind it. It comments on how paranoid the people of the 50s were at the time by using Majestic to exploit the threat of communism in order to cover up alien activity, and everyone willingly buys into it because of that sheer paranoia. Now yes, admittedly the humour in Destroy All Humans isn’t the most sophisticated in the world, but it used to be a LOT better than this. Not only do I find the racial stereotyping in this game deeply offensive, it’s also frankly beneath this franchise. And it’s not just limited to the Chinese either. The final act takes us to the Furon homeworld (which was pretty underwhelming after four games worth of buildup) and we meet another Furon called Endometriosis whose only characteristics are that he has an Italian accent and wears a beret. It’s these broad strokes and general laziness that makes this game such a disappointing experience.

Path Of The Furon is subpar in every way imaginable. The writing, the humour, the gameplay and even the graphics. The first two games looked so much better than this and they were on older consoles from the previous generation. It’s shocking.

It’s hard to blame Sandblast Games for this considering they were shut down before development was finished. It was THQ’s mismanagement and financial woes that killed off this franchise and indeed themselves. The company went bankrupt in 2012 and their various IPs were sold off to other studios, with Nordic Games buying the lions’ share, including Destroy All Humans, which briefly reignited hopes that we might get another game, but that seemed unlikely considering the franchise has never exactly been a mainstream success. There was even talks of doing an animated sitcom based on the games for Fox, to be written by the same guy who did King Of The Hill, but that never went anywhere.

No. It seemed like Destroy All Humans was gone for good and fans reluctantly made peace with that. It was fun while it lasted, but perhaps it was time to move on.

Oh The Furonity!

I’m not going to lie. I was pretty sure we were never going to see Destroy All Humans return. Not just because of its lack of mainstream appeal, but also because game development studios and publishers in recent years have become more and more reluctant to make single player, mid-tier games. Instead pivoting toward massive triple A releases and ‘live services’. So it came as a rather pleasant surprise when Nordic Games, now named THQ Nordic, released Darksiders III in 2018, a sequel to a series of games that were also not very mainstream but still had a significant cult following. This briefly reignited a small flicker of hope within me that maybe, just maybe, we might see our favourite Furon return.

And as you already know, I got my wish. A new Destroy All Humans game will be released next year by THQ Nordic and Black Forest Games.

So what can this remake learn from the franchise’s past? Well thankfully the writing and voice acting is going to remain the same, so story, characterisation and humour won’t be an issue. They’re also incorporating elements from the sequels such as Transmogrify from Destroy All Humans 2 and giving PK its own button like in Path Of The Furon. There’s also a few new additions that I’m excited about such as the ability to dodge and strafe using the jetpack. That should make combat much more exciting and dynamic. I know a few people have a problem with the new cartoony designs of the humans and the world, but I honestly don’t mind. In fact I think it suits the tone and setting quite well. Hopefully people will eventually get used to it. The big question mark hovering over all this is whether they’re planning to remake the other games in the series. I for one would love to see a remake of the second game. As for Big Willy Unleashed and Path Of The Furon, I think it’s best to leave them firmly in the past. The big dream would be to see Crypto and Pox have further adventures together beyond the first two games. Hopefully even have enough sequels to get the characters to the present day. We’ll just have to wait and see what the future brings. My only word of advice for them would be to never forget what made the first two games so good and so beloved. Big Willy Unleashed and Path Of The Furon lost their way, as its writing and humour grew lazier and lazier. If we are fortunate enough to get more games, the developers will need to remember what it was about the first game that made it so special and build off of it.

This is a second chance. Not a lot of franchises get this. Don’t waste it. Here’s hoping the remake will provide the definitive Destroy All Humans experience and that it will gain the success it deserves.

#destroy all humans #pandemic studios #locomotive games #sandblast games #thq #video games #quill's scribbles

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orionwhispers · 5 years

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Devil Like Me - Part XVI

(A/N - Forgive me friends. It’s been far too long. My mental and physical health has been in the worst state its ever been and life really got in the way. I tried to take a hiatus and almost swore of writing as a whole but you know what? It really fucking helps and I love it. I know how long you guys have waited and Im sorry I'm such an asshole, please enjoy this VERY late christmas present. I love you all. Please please please don’t forget to tell me what you think it means the world to me, my ask is always open xoxo) - also sorry if there are any mistakes I'm half asleep and a whole ass mess. love you forevs)

Then

Klaus’ hands are so tight around his steering wheel his knuckles start to turn white; mirroring the moon that follows overhead. His teeth are gritted, the vein in his throat pulsating and his breath quickening. He only calms down when his eyes flit to the rearview mirror, pupils slowing over the figure slumped in the backseat, waiting and watching for any sign of movement. He’s never been one to control his anger, the thousands of people he’s killed speak for themselves, his hands coated in more blood than a butcher, but one look at you makes his undead heart stop.

Bruises the colour of blooming violets and roses litter the delicate skin around your neck, your leg is oddly contorted and swollen, and there are gashes and wounds scarring your body. Technically, your heart stopped beating a few moments after you made contact with the ground, but he can still smell the dried blood tainting your injuries, as tantalisingly delicious as summer berries. The hybrid side of him, the animalistic, carnivorous side of him longs to tear his fangs into your flesh and drain you of blood like its cherry wine, but he knows he never will.

Once upon a time, nothing would have stopped him. The very first time he laid eyes on you, you should have been dead instantly, nothing more than a midnight snack as he made his way out of town, but it wasn’t that simple. Something changed in him that night, somehow as you made your way towards him under the cover of moonlight, trying to be brave despite cowering in fear, he felt something for the first time in a long time. That made him want to kill you even more, he despised not being in control, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you.

Now here you both were.

He had turned hundreds of people in the centuries he had lived, and not once had he cared if they made it through the transition. They were completely dispensable, he fed them his blood and turned them solely for his own personal gain, nothing more. They were nothing but pawns to him, alliances in cities all over the world, minions forever at his beck and call.

He had never felt red hot anxiety prickling under his skin as he waited impatiently for signs that you had awoke, never felt panic and bile in his throat at what might happen if you didn’t. All of these feelings were foreign and unwelcome, he despised not being in control, it made him feel powerless and weak, all things he knew he wasn’t. He gritted his teeth so hard he thought they might break as he continued down the empty country roads, the car bumping and tearing along the gravel. He felt fury like he had never felt before, rage that bubbled inside him like lava, threatening to spew over.

He had killed the witch he reminded himself, torn her head from her spine and watched her blood stain the oak floor. She was gone for good, ordering his inferiors to burn her body in the woods ensuring she would never come back. None of that diminished the hatred in his head though, he had been reckless and stupid, he should have killed her the very first chance he got. He was so sure he could have protected you, but his feelings for you made you vulnerable and he had almost lost you due to his own greed.

He would never come that close again.

He looked up to the mirror once again, and immediately calmed at the sight of you, his whole body relaxing like waves smoothing onto the shore. He would never let anything happen to you. A feeling washed over him, one that had been rising in his insides since the very first day he met you, it was like his overprotective nature towards his siblings, but heightened. You two were bound, something had drawn him to you, something inside you had unlocked his emotions again, and it was euphoric.

He glanced at you, the curve of your bitten lips, the arch of your nose and the shadow of your eyelashes cast onto your battered cheek. He didn’t believe in God, or fate or destiny, but he believed in you. You were his and he was yours. That was all the faith he needed. His blood was the thing keeping you alive, coursing through your body, making you sired to him. Maybe it was wrong, he knew that vampirism was a curse, that you hadn’t been able to make the choice for yourself, but this way you had an eternity together. Whatever you wanted, anything you desired, he would get for you. He wanted to take you to places in the world, bring you to his favourite hidden spots and secret escapes, show you culture, art, museums, spend evenings under candlelight and mornings with sun bathing your tangled limbs. He wanted it all, and he wanted it with you, only you.

He made a vow that night, as the car bounced across dusty roads, raindrops splattering along the windshield. He made a vow that, no matter what, he would never let you regret turning that night, he would give you the world and more. He knew he would get it wrong sometimes, he was possessive, easily jealous and sensitive. He could be argumentative, violent and overprotective, but he would never take it out on you. He would help you through the transition, be by your side through anything, because as he drove further into the night, he realised how much you meant to him and what the feeling taking over him was… Love.

Now

You sat on your haunches, cradling your knees with your arms and peering out of the large bay windows watching the sky change with every passing minute. It had been a couple of days since the prank night and the first successful hybrid transformation, but you were feeling less than celebratory.

Klaus’ happiness was infectious. It always had been, his wide toothy grin and contagious laugh always made your insides light up like a furnace. Klaus had a reputation, he was the most powerful being on the planet, and he made sure everyone was aware of that. Speaking his name alone was enough to make even the most impressive of vampires cower with fear. You were one of the lucky few that had seen the other side of him, whilst you were familiar with his ruthless, barbaric and ferocious ways you were blessed to see the side that was hidden from most.

He was without a doubt the funniest person you had ever met, always able to make you crack a smile no matter how down you were feeling. He was playful and flirtatious, whispering teasing words into you neck when you both attended lavish dinner parties, making you blush and giggle into your palm. Mornings in bed were filled with lighthearted banter and funny anecdotes of his past, and he always had a witty comeback whenever you were feeling argumentative. You had never met anyone like him and you knew no one could ever possibly compare.

That’s why it was so bittersweet to see him radiating with happiness. Even though you would never fully understand it, you knew that creating successful hybrids meant the world to Klaus and whilst you were pleased at his victory, you couldn’t help but feel uneasy. It was clawing deep inside your gut, the feeling that something much bigger was going on, and you were both in the centre of it. Despite the animosity between the both of you, he was unable to stay away when he was so ecstatic, because you were the only one he wanted to share good news with.

The night everything happened and you all returned to the mansion to a bewildered Elijah and Kol, Klaus was practically bouncing off the walls with glee. You slunk in behind him with Rebekah, still on edge from the evenings events but more so from the uneasy butterflies in your stomach. On the car ride over, Klaus had opened the door for you and made you sit shotgun, he spoke loudly and animatedly into the phone to someone, beaming with pride as he discussed future plans.

As he finished the call and smiled widely, he reached for the gearstick before casually reaching over and placing his hand atop yours and squeezing your palm; making you instantly freeze. The touch lasted merely a few seconds but sent electricity through your whole body, his large thumb stroked over the delicate skin on the back of your hand and then he returned it to the steering wheel, placing another call as if it was nothing. You were sat unmoving, your mind racing and heart pounding at his sudden display of affection, nervous but still yearning for his touch, you didn’t know how to react and glanced up at the rearview mirror, catching sight of a gobsmacked Rebekah staring back with large eyes.

“Where have you all been?” Elijah asked, placing down his book and uncrossing his legs from his spot on the armchair.

“We’re celebrating, brother!” Klaus replied with a grin, reaching over to the bar and rummaging around the bottles of liquor, grabbing something dark and bitter looking.

Kol smirked, leaping over the cream coloured sofa and grabbing his own bottle, uncapping it and taking a swig, grinning at the taste. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

“Celebrating?” Elijah asked, shooting you a look, you shrugged exasperatedly, offering a wan smile of support as Rebekah linked her arm with yours and pulled you towards the fireplace, a bottle of wine in her arms and a knowing smirk on her perfect pink lips.

“We made history tonight, Elijah! Call up everyone you know, they’re going to want to be a part of this.” He held his drink above his head, a large smile on his beautiful face, practically illuminating the room with his happiness. He glanced around the room, nodding at each of the people gathered in it, finally settling on you. He placed the neck of the bottle to his lips, pausing as he said, `’To us.” He threw his head back and drank, and you could feel everyones eyes on you, burning holes into your head, you swallowed thickly and grabbed the bottle from Rebekah and took a long swig, relishing in the burning feeling at the back of your throat.

It was going to be a long night.

———————————————————

An hour or two passed, you were sat in the enormous kitchen, perched on a barstool away from the crowds, watching the party unfold around you. Klaus and his siblings must have called every witch, vampire and werewolf they knew in an 100 mile radius; as the house was practically heaving with people. Your glass was empty, and you ran a finger over the rim as you watched the guests fawn and gush over Klaus, congratulating him exaggeratedly. He relished in their attention, he was practically a God to them, and you knew it was beyond entertaining to him, watching them almost kiss his feet, desperate for his approval. Often, after encounters like this, Klaus would tease and mock these pathetic conversations in private to you as you laid in bed, making you giggle into his shoulder, but you didn’t imagine that would be happening tonight.

You put your head down, determined not to torture yourself with memories of the past, and decided to eavesdrop on the guests, tuning you're hearing and listening to the conversations around you. If you were going to sit and wallow in self pity, you might as well get some entertainment out of it. You were engrossed in a vampire from New York attempting to flirt with a disinterested Rebekah when you felt a presence beside you, instantly recognising the warm comforting smell of pine and bourbon.

“Something tells me you aren’t enjoying yourself.”

You smiled gently, not sure where to look, focusing on the tiny beads of wine at the bottom of your glass, round and plump like drops of blood. How did he make you this nervous, even after all this time? Regardless of the situation, even when things were perfect between you, he could make you blush and squirm like you were a child.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” You meet his gaze for a few seconds, feeling his eyes dart over your face, and you turn back to the glass, blushing as red as the wine. “No, I’m fine. Really I’m…” You think for a moment, plucking up the courage to say what you feel, turning back to him and taking control, 'I’m proud of you Klaus, really.” His eyes flicker with emotion, disappearing as soon as it appears, and you swallow, stifling a fake yawn. “I’m just tired, not really in a party mood if Im honest, I think I’m going to head to bed.” You swung your feet out from under the stool, ready to head upstairs to think in silence, when his large hand gripped your shoulder, fingers around your flesh.

“No,” he said, his voice was soft, but his tone was firm and explicit, making you stay rigid in your spot. “Stay,” he continued, ‘for me.” A second passed and his voice changed, softer and gentler, like new snow. “Please.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. Your eyes met for a moment, lingering too long on one another, and you watched them glimmer and shine, mimicking the grin widening on his face. All thoughts you had in your head vanished, and you sat dumbfounded.

“Besides,” he said, reaching for a bottle of something dark and bitter looking and pouring it into your glass, “I need someone to help me carry Kol up the stairs later.” He joked, motioning to his younger brother who was completely intoxicated, dancing on the mahogany dining table.

“Klaus!” You squealed as your glass started to overflow with alcohol, copper coloured droplets sliding onto the table. You lurched forward to stop him from adding any more and looked up at him with wide playful eyes, “Stop it! Or else you’ll be the one carrying me to bed later!” The unplanned innuendo is out of your mouth before you can stop it, and you blush beet red at your comment, closing your eyes from embarrassment.

You feel him lean into you, hot breath on your skin, that god damn smirk rising on his beautiful face. “Don’t tempt me.”

If your heart was still beating it would be racing into oblivion, you melt at his words and it makes you grimace at how pathetic you can be towards him. His eyes meet yours over the rim of his own drink, and he takes a sip of bourbon. The smell instantly hits you and memories flood your brain, one glance at him and you know he’s thinking the same. Long nights, dancing until your feet bled, drunken kisses and skin glistening with sweat. You’re reminded of his whispers of affection, lips buried into your flesh, “I love you’s” shared under neon lights, the weight of his hips against yours, giggling into his hair, his possessive hands around your waist as you partied together,

He gives you one last dark, knowing look before he parts to talk to the rest of the guests and you bite your lip, staring down at your drink and then hastily reaching for it; downing it in one, Rebekah watching you intently.

—————-

That was a few days ago, and it replays in your head like a movie as you drum your fingertips against the windowsill. The party had been fun and everyone had been in great spirits, but as soon as your head reached the pillow, exhausted and exhilarated from the night, and you fell into a deep sleep, everything went back to normal. Klaus’ never allowed himself more than a moments rest, and you were sure he didn’t even sleep that night, rattling around the house, making phone calls and sending messages until the sun rose.

You had woken up to an empty house, and been informed by one of Klaus’ overzealous workers that everybody had left on their own private missions. To make matters even worse, when you tried to grab your coat and explore the town on your own, two of his henchmen grabbed your arms and told you they were under strict orders to keep you in the mansion. You obviously protested, but as you struggled to come free, the younger one looked at you and said through his compulsion, “If you leave, we have to kill ourselves.” At that you swore angrily and rolled your eyes, stomping back upstairs and flopping dramatically onto the bed. Fucking men.

Being left to your own devices was torture, and you couldn’t pry anything out of anyone during the stolen moments when they returned home and you were feeling utterly sorry for yourself. You had flicked through all the magazines you had found in Bekah’s room, watched hours and hours of mind numbing reality tv, and even scrubbed the bathroom until it shone, but the days still dragged and you were devastatingly bored.

You watched a wood pigeon dart onto a branch and exhaled loudly, tapping your feet to a made up rhythm, you paused mid step, ears twitching rapidly as you swore you could hear footsteps approaching. You twisted your body to the sound, waiting for the tell tale twist of the doorknob, and expecting it to be one of the servants, telling you that you were going to be alone for the nest few days.

Only it wasn’t, it was Klaus.

You stared dumbfounded at the man before you, even though it was his mansion, filled with people working for him and you were only there because of him, he was the last person you expected. He looked as beautiful as ever, tousled curls and flushed cheeks, and that damned cheeky smirk on his lips.

“Klaus?” You asked, sitting up straighter and messing with your clothes. You were wearing fuzzy leggings and an oversized sweatshirt you had stolen from Rebekah, and you had haphazardly thrown your hair into some kind of up-do, tendrils falling into your eyes. You brushed them behind your ears and glanced up at him, pink hitting your cheeks.

“What are you doing here?” You said, staring up at him, curling your toes in your fluffy socks.

He stared down at you, offering a smile that made your insides do flips, as he simply said “I have something to show you.”

———————————-

The garden was as beautiful as you remembered from your walk with Elijah all those weeks ago, and under the moonlight it looked magical. You glanced at the blooming flowers and decorative statues, borders of rose bushes and fragrant lavender, trailing your fingertips across them as you walked. You were so caught up in the beauty that you hadn’t noticed Klaus staring intently at you, watching you and your childlike wonder at everything that surrounded you. He felt the familiar sparks igniting inside him that only occurred around you, the heat in the pit of his stomach whenever he looked at you. He was amongst some of the most breathtaking and striking scenery but none of it came even close to you.

‘So, where is it you’re taking me?” You asked, your words snapping him out of his trance.

“Not too much further now.” Was all he offered, picking up his pace and rounding a corner towards an archway covered in vibrant indigo flowers. You were in awe of the colours and smell, bunches of pretty plants overhead, leading down a path towards something in the distance.

“Wow, Klaus. I’m impressed,” You teased, “I had no idea you were such an avid gardener.”

He rolled his eyes at you, quipping back. “Well, I’ve always had an eye for beautiful things.” He gave you a look before raising a brow and stepping further into the darkness.

You paused, unable to hide your flush and silently cursed him out. Damn him and his stupid looks and stupid words.

He was a ways in front of you, you could see his silhouette morphing into the distance and you turned on your heel to catch up. You dipped and dashed under the vines and petals, careful not to crush the grass underfoot as you chased after him, wondering when he got so fast. You were about to call out to him, when you came to a halt, exhaling in wonder. You could see the lines of his frame, his hands resting on the balcony of a regal stone gazebo, rustic and beautiful, overlooking a vast tranquil lake. It was stunning, and you tentatively stepped up, there was a marble bird bath in the centre and statues of cherubs and angles resting on arches above your head.

You stood next to Klaus, watching him gaze forward like a king surveying his kingdom, which actually wasn’t that far from the truth. It was so quiet, the lake was still and calm and reflected like a diamond under the moonlight, the stars twinkling above you both. You steadied, relaxing and gazing out at the lake. A moment of peaceful silence passed, and you heard Klaus fidget next to you.

“My family owned land here, in Mystic Falls.” You nodded, letting him continue. “We would often come here and stay, but I don’t have many fond memories of it here.”

You weren’t surprised. Klaus’ rarely opened up about his childhood but when he did, the anecdotes made your heart hurt, you knew how evil his dad was and how much of a challenge it was growing up.

“When I heard about the Petrova doppleganger living here I knew it wouldn’t be long till I was coming back. I thought I’d collect her and leave; be in and out of this town within a couple of days, but of course, nothing is ever that easy. The Salvatore brothers obviously had to get involved and some challenges rose up on my end as well.” He added, looking at you with a playful smirk.

You mirrored him, watching his face under the light of the moon, illuminating his sharp jaw and ocean eyes. His voice was as soft as the water beneath you as he spoke, “At first, I despised being back. Towns like these always stir up things… memories.” You know what he meant, Mystic Falls was a rainier, woodier, gloomier version of the town you had met and fallen in love in, it was like déjà vu, the small city life reminding you of the past.

“This house has been in my family for centuries, but nobody ever had any use for it. It was just sitting here, covered in dust.” He pauses, his eyes flitting over the scenery “I came out one day when I needed some air, and I found this spot hidden away.” You nod, listening to his words. “It was breathtaking. I had no idea it existed, no idea that all of this was out here. So much innocence in a town I’ve always despised.”

Thunder crackles overhead. A storm appearing, grey clouds looming in the dark of the night. A few stray droplets of rain fall onto the lake, you watch it form ripples and you sigh.

“It’s beautiful.”

A moment of silence. “It reminded me of you.” His voice is quiet, and you look at him, struck by his words, but he keeps his eyes away from yours. I had so much on my mind.” He says, letting out an exasperated laugh, finally turning to face you. “So much. The Doppleganger, the Salvatore’s, my siblings and that bloody hunter Saltzman. I thought for once you might be off my mind, that for once I could get something done without constantly thinking about you, but thats bloody impossible isn’t it?”

You gulp. Feeling completely bewitched under his gaze you are unable to do anything but stare at him, losing yourself in his eyes.

“It’s crazy how all of a sudden, all of my thoughts can turn to you, just by seeing something that rivals your beauty.”

You shudder.

“I wish I could lie and say that I haven’t spent every single day thinking about you, but I can’t. You drove me bloody insane. I thought I was losing my mind, nothing made sense without you.”

He gazes down at you, the rain pelting down now, droplets splashing across both of your faces as it bounces off the side of the gazebo. You’re inches apart now, the heat of your bodies mingle against each other and he can’t resist the urge to clasp your face between his palms. It sends fireworks through you both, his fingers are like electric wires torching through your skin.

“When I found out where you were I lost it. I’d gotten so used to the idea of never seeing you again, I thought it was my punishment. Penance for all the evil things I’ve done, karma taking away the only thing in my life I care about, no one like me deserves something so pure, so good.”

His fingertips graze along your cheekbone and you can feel your eyes welling up at his words, you’re breathless, wanting to explain everything, but he’s too wrapped up in his own thoughts.

“I needed you back, I didn’t care what I had to do, I had to have you. The idea that you were out there, possibly with another man…” his jaw clenches, “The thought of you with someone else, another bastard making you happy when it should have been me, it drove me crazy. I needed to see you, to touch you, to know you were safe.”

With hesitation he pushes himself off you, the pressure from his fingers leaving burn marks on your skin. He’s back to staring out at the water, the torrential rain and wind thundering around you, your hair whipping round your face.

“Klaus?”

“I hated you. Despised you for leaving me. I trusted you, and you left.”

“Klaus… please.” Your voice cracks, salty tears making their way down your face and catching on your lips.

“I didn’t want to look at you when you came back. When I knew you were safe I locked you in that room, I couldn’t bear seeing your face. Until I heard you crying.”

You think back to that very first night, overwhelmed, exhausted and emotional you collapsed into a heap of your own tears. You had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor, waking up in the plush bed. Someone had changed you and tucked you in, you had suspected it was Klaus, but know you were certain.

“I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but hearing you cry broke me. Knowing that i was the cause of your pain, it was too much. Seeing you after all that time… I realised I was a fool to think I could ever not love you.” The moon is wide and full, he watches it, almost as if the wolf inside can’t contain itself. “I hope you can forgive me.”

Forgive him? You almost look up to see if pigs are flying across the night sky. These aren’t the words you expect to hear from him.

“The way I’ve handled things has been… regrettable. I’m realising that now, I should never have treated you as if I owned you… it was wrong of me.”

You open your mouth to reply but he cuts you off, slicing through the dark like a blade.

“I’ve asked for all the spells to be removed, I’ve taken off my compulsion. You’re free to do as you like.”

He falls silent again and you can swear you see him visibly exhale with something, almost deflating, as if all the energy and power has been sucked out of him.

“What changed?” You ask, stepping towards him.

“I love you too much to keep hurting you.”

“Hurting me?” Love. Love. Love. He loves you, it fills you up like thick warm gooey honey, but it’s not as simple as it sounds.

“I’m letting you go.”

You falter, furrowing your eyebrows as you watch him, trying to understand what he’s saying.

“If you leave, I won’t follow you. I’ll… I’ll let you go… You’ll be free of me.”

“Klaus.” You begin, inching towards him, reaching out to grab his arm but he turns red, anger getting the best of him, the alpha hybrid clawing its way back to the surface.

“No. Just go! Tonight!” He bites his tongue, eyes filling with emotion and the vein in his throat pulsating rapidly, “Pack everything and leave before the sunrises, I… I can’t have you in the same house as me.”

“What if I don’t want to leave?” You bite, snapping him out of his own rant.

“Then you’re an idiot.” You scoff and resist the urge to give him the finger. “You know what I am. I’m a monster! I ruined us once and you know I’ll do it again. Leave! GO!”

He’s speaking with fury, crimson in the face. If you were anyone else you would be cowering with fear, terrified of the creature before you and everything he’s capable of, nut you know him better than anyone, and you aren't scared.

“You know what Klaus? If you hadn’t have brought me back, I don’t know if I would have ever returned.”

He swallows thickly, mouth agape, hurt in his beautiful eyes.

“Because I’m a coward, not because I stopped loving you.” You force him to look at you, taking his face in your hands this time, holding him firmly in place. “What I did… How I left… I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life. I thought I was doing the right thing, I never meant to hurt you.”

You rest your forehead against his, your breath hot and heavy. Its magnetic between the two of you, pulses synced and intertwined, the way you are supposed to be. Silence fills up the space between you both, thick like smoke, neither of you know what to say. You’re speaking through your eyes, domineering stares and hands gripped on one another, terrified to let the other slip away.

“I’m leaving for Portland tomorrow.”

“You are? Why?” You ask, lips milliermeters away from his own.

“There’s a pack of werewolves camping out, I’m going to go and have a talk with them.”

You give him a look, knowing exactly what that ‘talk’ is going to consist of. A lot of blood and arguing, possibly death.

“Besides, I didn’t know if you were going to leave, I didn’t want to be around if you did.” His voice was bashful, so rare to be heard coming from his lips. He pulls closer to you, his nose brushing yours, the rain still thrashing and thundering around you sending chills between you. He sounds so vulnerable, so innocent, as he mumbles against you, “Will you be there when you get back?”

You don’t answer. Instead you do the thing that you’ve craved since you saw him, you pulled him impossibly closer and kissed him. He was in shock, dazed by the taste of your familiar, enchanting lips, you were as addictive as bourbon, making him feel a high like no other. His hands on your hair, mouth opening to drink in as much as you as he could, what he would give to take you right then and there, but he knew he had to be patient. Under the moonlight and the claps of thunder and icy rain, you kissed feverishly and frenzied, he was possessive and dominant, marking you as his.

You were pressed up against one another, his hands clambering over you, on your tiptoes, desperate for as much of him as you could get, you had been starving for his touch for so long. You were breathing into one another, a mess of hair and sighs and fireworks that sparked under your skin. After a moment he pulled away, reluctant and breathless, resting his forehead against yours once more, bound to one another with invisible chains.

He looked up at you with big playful eyes, a mocking pout on his now swollen lips. “Does this mean we’re friends again?”

You exhaled, reaching for him and pulling him onto you again, burying yourself onto his lips with a teasing smile and a flirty wink, “I’d say we’re a little bit more than friends.”

—————-

to be continued….

#klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson imagine #klaus imagine #klaus mikealson imagine #TVD #tvd imagine #the originals #the originals imagine

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starfishandcoffee · 6 years

Text

#watching under the cherry moon

“Once upon a time in France, there lived a bad boy named Christopher Tracey. Only one thing mattered to Christopher: Money. [...] Somewhere along the way, he learned the true meaning of love.”

Aw man, that’s some Jean Cocteau La Belle et la Bête shit right there. Will Prince truly be cured of his pencil mustache by true love?

----

*Tricky’s note* ‘She’s thirsty. Pour it on!’

We’re watching a film about Prince as a for-hire gigolo, I think it’s safe to say we’re all thirsty.

----

I like how they threw in a ballerina behind Prince, just to class it up. Now he can make all the sex faces he wants. Or at least he could if Tricky wasn’t distracting him with those notes about how they’re behind on rent and desperately need money, hence why Prince is a gigolo, plot stuff...

Now, movie, I love you, I do - But i’m not exactly watching for the plot.

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A Film By Prince - It really couldn’t have been from any other.

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Five minutes in and we have our butt shot. See, this is why UTCM is the classy Prince picture. Graffiti Bridge gave us shirtless Prince less than a minute in, UTCM makes you wait for it.

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“Mirror, mirror, seventeen fold, who’s the sexiest dressed in gold?”

*Tricky not wearing any gold* “You must be talking about me, cousin!”

*Christopher to Katy, who is not naked* “Smile, Katy, you’re naked!”

Hmmm, the dialogue makes no sense and the whole scene is meaningless - WOW! UTCM really is an art film!

----

So Tricky (and possibly Christopher also) are sexing up the landlady Katy... but they still have to pay rent? Seems like they only get slight increases in their delays between paying - Perhaps they should try renegotiating their arrangement?

Or give her them Bela Lugosi eyes, sure.

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“I guess it takes a certain amount of courage for anyone to allow himself to be photographed that way. My advice to Prince is; be a coward the next time.” - Roger Ebert.

... he’s not wrong.

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*Christopher drowns a bath toy*

“Fascist!”

See, this is why the movie flopped; people weren’t ready for such frank and brutal criticisms of Reagan-era government, and his oppression of many minority groups during the 80s - steadily turning America from a capitalist culture of greed and gluttony, to a quasi-fascist regime, hell bent on eradicating certain groups (like the LGBT) through unfair legislation and willful neglect.

Viva la revolution! Prince is ready, willing and able to lead us!

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Prince in the bath, naked, wet, phonesexing it up - truly, the content we all came for.

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*bathroom sign* chantier interdit au public = public access not permitted. BOO. Cockblocking bathroom.

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Oh look, it’s the british actor that played Foot in The Beatles Help! - A movie whose plot revolves around Ringo being chosen as a human sacrifice because he’s wearing a very special ring that he can’t seem to take off...

And yet despite that being the plot, it has a rating of 92% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, while UTCM has a rating of 33% rotten. The moral here? No matter how stupid and terrible your movie, people will mistakenly thinks it’s brilliant if you’ve got someone in there with a British accent.

British accents! Classing things up and making them seem better than they actually are since always! (Disclaimer from this British person: No. They really don’t, we’re not better than Americans, not by a long shot.)

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This movie has Elephants. It is officially the best movie ever made. Prince and Elephants, you can’t top that. Shut down the studios, it’s over for everyone else.

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Mary’s first scene is more than a little weird given the character traits and personality she has throughout the rest of the film -

*here* Wild, shameless and unabashed partygirl, life of the party, no filter, happily flashes a large crowd that includes friends and family, openly flirts with stranger Christopher, is a real livewire.

*the whole rest of the film* Cold, calculating, chip on her shoulder, trust and intimacy issues stemming from a strained relationship with her father, overly serious, fun sucking killjoy.

Consistency! 👍

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It really is a shock to watch a Prince film were the leading lady can actually act.

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I’m weak.

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So Mrs. Wellington is sleeping with Christopher and Mary’s dad? + Her husband? Though he never shows up in the film so he might be DOA.

“You aren’t seeing another man, by any chance? Because if you are, i’ll kill him.” Ah, so this is the real reason he had Christopher killed, not because he cares about his daughter, we see throughout the rest of the film he doesn’t, but what he does care about is his married mistress daring to see another man.

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Mary spends all night and all morning obsessing over comebacks she could have given during a conversation she had the day before? She takes the time to track down where Christopher is, and goes there just to deliver the ‘perfect’ retort? Ok, Mary, ok. I feel you.

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Jabs exchanged over an intimate dance? YASSS, you better give me the enemies to lovers trope I live for UTCM.

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“I’m in the mood for drawers!” Prince’s lyrical genius knows no limits.

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*Christopher sees a stranger’s car*

‘Welp guess i’m just gonna hop in and play pretend i’m driving it!’

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“Oh, no! I don’t know him! He said what, officer? My brother?! Oh, no! We definitely have different fathers! Check it out; butterscotch, chocolate. No way.”

Prince doesn’t get enough credit or praise for how damn funny he is.

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Wrecka Stow - The sole enduring legacy of UTCM.

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Mary’s got that Neon Telephone.mp3 (I want it).

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And another shirtless Prince scene. How can anyone not love UTCM?

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Climbs up the wall with a ladder, breaks into her house through the window, calls himself a pizzaman - Romance; nailed it!

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Funniest scene in the whole movie. *guard dogs start barking* “Oh, fuck it!”

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I wish they’d included Love Or Money on the Parade album.

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A shopping montage? YES. Though they missed the opportunity to have Prince come out in a bunch of different ensembles while Jerome shakes his head.

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Now, I love Prince, I especially love Parade-era Prince, and you know I love this movie, but... that kiss in front of the car... was he trying to kiss her or eat her? And not in the fun way, no, in the: I’m going to rip your lips off with my teeth - kind of way. Red Dragon is not what I want to be thinking about when i’m enjoying a vicarious fantasy of making out with Prince, mkay.

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Chases her down, tackles her to the ground and pins her so she can’t escape. Romance; nailed it!

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“I must have that disease? What’s the name of it?” “It’s called ‘stupid’.”

I freakin’ love this movie.

----

“As a matter of fact, it’s not so hot; you bit me once!”

I told yall. If he starts lifting weights and refusing to look at his own reflection, i’m outta here.

----

Oh, Prince is making sex noises, moans and all that? Ok, i’m staying.

----

“Jesus Christ, shut up? I’m calling your Daddy, this instant. Be quiet, maybe, yes. Pipe down. But not ‘shut up’. Oh, no! I won’t allow that!”

I just...

“I’ll come kick your face off!” “... did you say kiss my face off? I’d like that real well...”

... I love this movie, so much.

----

“You rich folks always taking from people like me. That says what? That says now i’mma take something from you.”

The Socialist hero we need (and want). Again, no wonder this flopped:

----

One the great things about Kristin Scott Thomas being a great actress is that not only does she elevate the scenes she’s in, it encourages Prince to step up and play off her really well. UTCM is the best Prince ever was, acting-wise.

----

I love the shot of Mary’s hand cradling the two lovers superimposed on it. People really need to give Prince more credit for his skills as a director, and of course, the late, great Michael Ballhaus who provides the film’s gorgeous cinematography. UTCM, if nothing else, is a stunningly beautiful picture.

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... these, these kisses between Mary and Christopher are just some of the most awkward and unsexy i’ve ever seen. PRAAANNCCE stop trying to consume her.

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“Because it’s a full moon, and i’m a werewolf, bitch!”

I would be interested in a movie about Jerome Benton becoming a werewolf.

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Billowing curtains during the night, as our main character struggles with confusion and despair? In France?! This really is some Jean Cocteau La Belle et la Bête shit right here.

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This trippy “Christopher, I miss you!” scene... so... artsy.

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I like how the maid in the background is dabbing her, presumably tearfilled, eyes, over Mary’s frustration of her situation. We’ve missed a whole other movie about how the maid practically raised Mary, and is more of a mother to her than her actual mother. She’s even reflected in the mirror, outright crying.

“I hurt real bad.” Maid’s like, me too, baby, me too.

----

Nice of Mrs. Wellington to tell Christopher what’s happening with the plot.

“Good luck, Christopher.” She’s weirdly supportive of her former gigolo going after the daughter of the man she’s having an affair with. What’s up with Mrs. Wellington, I feel there’s a lot there we kind of need an explanation of.

And I feel like, ‘well, she is French...’ isn’t a good enough answer.

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This race to the airport/abduction scene is made by having it set to Anotherloverholenyohead. It’s weirdly thrilling and suspenseful.

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“I need a lifetime!” “I’m not giving it to you!”

*the craziest of all crazy eyes*

“Oh yes, you are.”

----

This whole scene in the car, again, just great direction, framing, composition... this is such a beautiful film.

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Whipping off his sunglasses exactly as Kiss starts up? Perfection.

----

The hobos agree.

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So... why was Christopher aimlessly wandering around the docks after dropping Mary off at the grotto? At first I thought he had sent for Tricky, but no, he’s surprised to see him there, so... what’s happening?

You’d think Christopher would lay low and hide out since the police and Mary’s dad are trying to find him, but... err, nope. This is why you end up shot, idiot.

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“Hold them off, i’m going to get Mary.” But... but... but you already had Mary! You had her and a getaway vehicle! Why did you drop her off, come back to land, and aimlessly wander around?! Movie, I have so many questions.

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Wait... Tricky and Katy make it to the grotto on foot, before Christopher made it by speed boat? So it would have been quicker to just walk there, rather than drawing attention to himself by using the speed boat? Movie, I swear to God.

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“Christopher, run!” He’s in a boat!

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“I’m not going without you.” You already went without her!

“There’s no time to wait, go!” Lady, they’re after him because your father said he abducted you, the best chance he has is to remain with you, while you explain the situation. Idiots, the both of them.

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He’s shot... because of his own poor planning and stupidity. Hmmm.

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Well, Tricky seems more broken up about it than Mary. Guess we know who truly loved him.

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So Christopher’s dead, Mary depressed and refusing to move on, but HEY Tricky’s doing good! He’s landlord of his own apartment complex and Katy’s with him now... I guess she sold the property she owned in France? And Tricky’s threatening to put her out on the streets... hmmm. Well, I guess everything’s come full circle, not, like, in any of the ways we wanted, but, err MOUNTAINS.

----

Apart from the slight ball drop at the end, this is honestly a great film, and easily Prince’s best. I love it as is, but I do hope one day we get the original colour print version and the alternate ending that was apparently shot but not used.

#starfishandcoffee #watches under the cherry moon

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beencaughts · 5 years

Note

🔫 (lmao), 💚, and 🕯:)))

⊰ v. princess and moon ⊱

🔫 take a bullet for my muse

As a child, Luna was more inclined to do the things her mother liked to do: painting, dancing, singing, and playing instruments. She always had a creative mind, and her time spent with her mom helped her express her creativity in different areas. But having two older brothers, her dad had his own ideas about what his sons ought to spend their time doing. Her dad thought teaching her brothers how to fight and shoot guns were more useful life skills. As Luna grew older, her dad eventually taught her the same things because he never wanted her to lack the skills he thought she needed to know but hopefully never have to use. It was never her favorite thing to do, but there were times that she was grateful for it. In everyday life, though, she rarely ever used any of the things her dad taught her. Luna eyes fluttered opened and immediately squinted due to the bright light hanging over her. “What the hell?” The Spanish girl yelled, immediately recognizing Nick and Matt standing at the foot of her bed. Nick cut her off before she could ask any more questions, telling her that Prince was in trouble. “One, why the hell should that concern me? And two, why the hell do you guys need me?” Luna and Prince weren’t exactly on speaking terms since she couldn’t get past him leaving. Of course, she still loved him, but the hurt she was feeling at the moment triumphed any ounce of love. Luna also knew why they were asking her to come along. Neither Nick or Matt knew the first thing about guns or fighting (or so she thought), so she was their only hope. Luna willed herself to join her friends who seemed to be in a frenzy. She felt a slight tinge of worry. What could Prince have possibly gotten himself into in such a short time? He hadn’t been back that long. “Did he say what was going on?” Matt explained that Prince didn’t give any details; they only knew where he was. Her worry only grew when they arrived at the dodgy place. it was inconspicuous and eery. “Where the hell are we?” Luna questioned, but she was instantly shushed by her friends, Matt pointing to over where she could see Prince. The three of them slowly crept forward and her hand flew to cover her mouth at the sight before her. On the inside, Luna could feel herself spiraling out of control. Her heart pounded against her chest, her vision seemed to be spinning, and she could swear that she was visibly shaking. But on the outside, Luna seemed to be in complete control of herself even though she was clearly looking at a gun being pointed at the love of her life. The only thing that indicated that she was the least bit shaken was her eyes darting between Prince and the rando’s finger dancing on the trigger. Everything seemed to have happened in slow motion. She didn’t know what came over her, but when she noticed the guy’s finger finally pull the trigger, Luna instinctively ran towards Prince, pushing him out of the way. She knew that she hadn’t been the nicest or most receptive to Prince coming back, but she still loved him with all of her heart. She would never want to see him hurt even if it meant sacrificing her own well-being. Luna could hear Matt and Nick’s voice screaming her name, but she ignored them, her eyes focusing on Prince beneath her. Luna thought about all of the things she could say, all of the goodbyes. She could tell Prince that she wanted to tell Cass she loved her and to thank her for being Luna’s rock for the past seven years. Luna could tell him to tell Matt that even though she never indulged in him, he was still the funniest and kind-hearted people she ever met. She could tell Panda thanks for all those years of speaking to her in Spanish when everyone else gave her dirty looks for speaking in her native language. Or even Nick that she would always cherish the time they spent together especially over the past year. Hell, Luna even thought about telling Prince to tell her family something in that short amount of time, but as she felt herself being lifted off of him which revealed his beautiful shirt soaked with her blood, Luna could only bring herself to say something to him. “I love you. I never stopped loving you, and I’ll always love you.” Because even though Luna was sure that her friends would do everything they could to save her, Luna could never truly be at peace if she knew she left Prince wondering how she really felt about him if she didn’t survive this. She was aware that she was back in Nick’s car, but she didn’t really know where they were or where they were heading (the hospital, hopefully). Prince’s hands were pressed to her side to attempt to control the bleeding from her wound, his voice telling her to stay with him. Luna’s eyes felt heavy, but she tried her hardest to comply with him. She started to feel the pain from her wound now that her adrenaline rush was over, her eyes feeling heavier. “Prince,” Luna groaned in pain. “Please, promise me you won’t leave again even if I—even if I die.” But Luna couldn’t even hear Prince’s response because she fell into unconsciousness before he could even say anything.

💚 for a forehead kiss

⊰ v. princess and moon ⊱

Today was the day of the class trip for final year students before they were all shipped off to college or the real world. Luna couldn’t understand how any administrator at her school thought it would be a good idea to send hormonal teens on a class trip together with very little supervision, but she couldn’t complain when Prince was going to be around. It was a miracle they were actually on good terms, and Luna was happy about it. There wouldn’t be any fighting or arguing. They’d just be two teenagers that could finally enjoy each other’s presence. Luna started smiling to herself daydreaming about the cute moments they would have, and her smile only grew when she felt Prince’s hand wrap around her wrist to stop her from going to her seat next to Cass. He didn’t even have to say anything to her before she occupied the empty seat next to him, mouthing a ‘sorry’ to her best friend. It was still quite a new concept for Prince and Luna to acknowledge their relationship (whatever it was) in front of others, so the fact that they were only made her happier. “Couldn’t be without me for a couple hours, huh? What would your friends say if they saw you being so clingy?” Luna teased with a smirk. She pulled him in for a kiss, though, not really caring about what everyone else would think. Her ego was a bit too big right now to care about what their peers would say. “You’re lucky I don’t care about what they’d say,” Luna mumbled against his lips before pulling away from and finally getting comfortable in her seat. They hadn’t said much to each other after that. Luna and Prince preferred to be in each other’s presence without much talking. There was less chance of arguing. Luna was listening to her music and texting Cass when she felt Prince on her shoulder. Looking over with a confused look, her expression immediately softened at the sight of him sleeping. Luna always liked to look at him while he slept because it was the only time of the day he didn’t look so annoyed with life. Luna slowly shifted in her seat to be closer to him before softly pushing his hair away from his forehead to place a kiss there. She snapped a picture of the two of them and sent it to her best friend. Isn’t he so much cuter like this? She sent with a smile. Luna knew that if Prince ever found out she took it, he’d probably be pissed at her, but it’d be so worth it to have this cute moment saved forever in a picture.

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Iola had so many responsibilities these it seemed as though she never had a moment to herself or even a moment to spend with Jason. Their time together was limited to the nighttime when Iola couldn’t keep her eyes open for longer than 10 minutes. Luckily for her, though, and unfortunately for Jason, he came down with the flu. It gave her the perfect excuse to drop everything to take care of him. He was the biggest baby in the world when he was sick, but Iola didn’t mind one bit. Jason has always been her sanctuary and her peace and not having the time to spend with him took a toll on her sanity. She would take him in any way she could have him even if it posed the risk that she’d get sick too. Jason spent the whole morning sleeping off his cold, so Iola took that as an opportunity to run to the store to get everything she needed to nurse him back to health. She had gone a bit overboard, but she really wanted to remind him that she hadn’t forgotten about him. “Wakey, wakey! I’ve made you the classic flu food: chicken noodle soup. I’ve also gotten you some medicine to help with the congestion and headache. There’s water and tea on here, and I set up the humidifier all while you were sleeping,” Iola announced as she entered their bedroom with a large tray of things. She gently placed the tray Jason’s bedside table before climbing into bed next to him. They spent the whole day lounging around, watching movies and joking around (as much as he was feeling up for it anyway). Jason was resting on her chest as she rubbed his back soothingly. “Is my babes feeling better after his girlfriend spoiled him all day?” Iola laughed. She had nearly gone in to kiss him until she remembered that he was sick. She just smiled and kissed his forehead instead. Iola was pretty pleased with herself when he appreciated her efforts. Now she was hoping that she’d be able to do this more often when he wasn’t so under the weather.

⊰ july 17th & what if ⊱

Arianna was stuck in between a rock and a hard place these days. She didn’t know why or when, but she was stuck between choosing two guys. There was Zayn who was her best friend for years. They would talk all day and night, yet somehow not be tired of each other to do it all again the next day. Zayn understood Arianna in a way that no one had before. He was the first person she told her secret to, and that was even when they weren’t all that close. There was always something about him that Arianna felt comfortable with. But Zayn was complicated. He would be with someone one day and another the next. There was too much uncertainty for Ari to put all her eggs in one basket. And then there was Ashton. He was so sweet, kind, and funny. Ari and Ashton clicked almost instantly. Nothing was complicated with them; there were only those feelings that could be compared to a high school crush. She had just gotten dressed when she heard the door to her bedroom open. “Wow, if you had walked in a minute earlier you would’ve been in for a show,” Ari laughed, turning to face the man that just invited himself to lay on her bed. “What the hell do you want, Zayn? Got yourself into some more shit you want to rant to me about or have you come to wish me a happy birthday or both?” Arianna didn’t have any big plans with her sisters for her birthday, so she was just hanging around the house for the day. Maybe he had come here because last night she admitted that she wanted him as her birthday gift. Arianna joined Zayn in her bed, turning onto her side so she could look at him. She should’ve expected that even though the day had really just begun, Zayn still had something to talk about. He was kind enough to not focus on himself the whole time, though. The subject changed to her birthday which inevitably led to him teasing her about her gift request. “Oh, please! I figured since everyone has gotten the chance with you that I should too. No one else has to deal with your shit attitude all day except for me. I’ll be damned if I don’t get any benefits.” Arianna attempted to push Zayn off of her bed, but he only grabbed onto her waist and pulled her down with him. She attempted to get up, but they were a laughing tangled mess. Eventually, their laughter died down and they were just on the floor looking at each other. Ari noticed that Zayn was getting closer to her face which made her laugh. Her hand went to cover his mouth before he could kiss her. “Zayn, the only time you’re allowed to kiss me today is when I get my gift,” Arianna gave him a playful kiss on the forehead, pushing herself off of Zayn and exiting her room, ignoring Zayn’s calls after her.

She hadn’t made it too far until she ran into her other love interest. Ari wore a shy smile, her hands toying with the sleeves of her sweater out of nervousness. “I know what you’re going to say. Who let this grandma on a reality TV show? But remember just three days ago you too succumbed to this thing called aging.” Their laughter filled the hallway of the mansion, Ashton taking Arianna by surprise when he took her hand and led her to one of the balconies. He had set up a mini birthday party for her. It was honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for her. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you like me. Maybe even enough to sleep with me,” Arianna teased as she wrapped her arms around Ashton’s waist. She pressed a kiss to his temple. “Thank you, Ashton, really. Without you, I think I would’ve spent my birthday at the house’s bar and talking to the maids.” Arianna and Ashton spent the whole afternoon out there. They attempted to play party games, but it was really hard with only two people. Instead, they opted to sit around and joke about how old she was getting. They stayed out there until the sunset, enjoying each other’s company as they always did. Ari was drawn away from their conversation, though, when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. It was a text from Zayn taking her up on her offer. It caught her off guard, and she honestly tried to push it to the back of her mind but she couldn’t. Was he being serious? Ashton took notice that she was distracted. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little tired,” Ari lied. She thanked him one last time for her amazing birthday before she was off down the hallway, pulling out her phone to finally respond to Zayn. Ari didn’t go in his room, but she stood outside of it as she texted him. There was a bit of a back and forth with him since he attempted to have a conscience, but he ultimately agreed to her birthday request. Arianna stood outside of his room debating with herself a bit more. Was she really about to sleep with Zayn when Ashton was the one who made her birthday truly special? She didn’t think that she was that bad of a person until she realized that she was. Arianna slowly crept into Zayn’s bedroom, climbing underneath his blankets. “So I hear you have a gift to give me?”

🕯️ remind my muse that they matter

⊰ v. princess and moon ⊱

Numb was the only word that could describe Luna these past few months. It still seemed unreal that she would never see or hear Cassandra’s voice again. Her dad had died a year ago, and she couldn’t even fully mourn him because she was always worried about Cass. The amount of loss in Luna’s life was enough to drive anyone mad, but the only person who could tell how much she was hurting was Prince because he got the short end of her mourning stick. Luna expended all of her energy at work and trying to be a great mom so in the end, there was none left for her marriage. She was fully aware that she was basically ignoring Prince, but Luna couldn’t help it. When she spent time with him, it was meant to be time for her to relax, but relaxing meant thinking and thinking meant remembering she lost two important people in her life. Luna was grateful that her husband hadn’t made it a big deal. There were times where he’d bring up how distant she had become, but it never became a huge fight. That was until a few nights ago. The argument was long overdue and although the night ended with Luna banishing Prince from their room and crying herself to sleep, it helped her come to her senses. No one could deny that she had every right to feel the way that she did, but Luna couldn’t keep using it as an excuse to treat her husband like shit. She managed to convince the boys to invite Prince and Leo out with them, Nick agreeing to watch Leo after, to get Prince out of the house for a little while. Luna was running around the kitchen like crazy trying to make sure everything was perfect. She figured that a romantic dinner would be the right setting to apologize since cooking was her specialty. Luna was already nervous, but her anxiety was sent through the roof when she heard the click of the front door followed by Prince calling out her name. “You can do this, Luna. You’re married to the guy. Surely, you can admit when you’ve fucked up,” Luna thought aloud, but it only made her laugh in response. In the history of their relationship, the one thing they were both incapable of doing was admitting when they were wrong. Taking a deep breath, Luna went to greet her husband with an apologetic smile. “Hi, babe, I made all of your favorites.” It was painfully obvious that Luna was trying to apologize without saying the words which only made everything more awkward for her. Prince wasn’t going to say anything first because she was the one that fucked up, but it was hard for Luna to admit her mistakes without acknowledging why she was even doing it in the first place. She didn’t really want to think about how much she was truly hurting, but the silence between them as they ate was driving her crazy. “Prince,” Luna began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I know that I have been a complete ass to you. Trust me, I wanted to be with you and talk to you but whenever I tried, I would just get sad again. I needed to do things that kept me busy to keep me from thinking about how shit my life feels right now. There were better ways to deal with everything, so I’m sorry and I love you.”

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Iola paced around her room as her thoughts filled her with worry and dread. When she finally asked Jason how old he was and realized that he was four years older than her, she didn’t even bat an eyelash. She didn’t think they were doing anything wrong by simply hanging out with each other, but it was becoming clear that Jason didn’t feel the same way. He acted weird for the rest of their date and now they were speaking less than usual. It had been nearly two weeks and they had no plans to see each other again. Iola knew that she was being irrational and crazy by convincing herself to go to his apartment, but she couldn’t let things go that easily. Iola really liked Jason, and she didn’t want their age difference to be the reason they couldn’t be together. It was nearly twelve in the morning when she knocked on Jason’s door. There was a look of shock and confusion written across his face, but Iola couldn’t help but note how adorable he looked with his disheveled hair. She walked inside without an invitation, motioning him to follow her into his bedroom. “I know I shouldn’t have come so late, but I couldn’t stop thinking about this—us. I —um— got you this after our last date.” the 16-year-old pulled out two invitations, her blue eyes falling to the ground. Iola wasn’t used to feeling this vulnerable, so she was hoping that this paid off in the end. “That painter you wouldn’t shut up about is having a party and my dad happened to know them. I thought it’d be cool if you met someone you really looked up to because you’re good, but I don’t think hearing it from me is enough.” Iola walked towards Jason, taking his hands in her own and finally looking him in the eye. “I guess I came over here to show you that I still really like you, and I don’t care about you being older than me. I understand if it’s weird for you, though. The ball is in your court.” She smiled at him softly before pulling him into a hug. Iola definitely felt insane right now, but she knew in her heart that she couldn’t let Jason go that easily. There was something about him that made her want to convince him not let them go so easily.

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna missed Zayn like crazy while he was away. She knew that he was doing it to get better, but she couldn’t help but want him next to her the whole time. Ari tried to distract herself the whole day since he wasn’t coming back until late in the night. She tried reading books, cooking, online shopping but nothing could make the clock go any faster. She even went out to lunch with her sister, but it seemed like it only took up 10 minutes of her day. Arianna knew that she wanted to do something special to welcome her boyfriend (I think) back home. Arianna threw on her favorite robe when she heard Zayn come through the door. “Babe!” The blonde squealed, throwing herself into her boyfriend’s arms and wrapping her legs around him. Arianna kissed every inch of his face that her lips could reach. “I missed you so much, Zayn. You have no idea. If you ever leave again, please take me with you.” She finally unwrapped herself around Zayn, taking his bags before he could grab them and throwing them by the front door. He looked confused, but Arianna didn’t offer him any answers. She took his hand and led him upstairs to their bedroom. Ari decorated their room with rose petals and candles. It was quite cheesy, but she figured that he needed it. Zayn had been through a lot. He deserved something that reminded him how much he was loved even if it was the cheesiest thing in the world. Her surprise didn’t end there. She even extended it to their bathroom. She took Zayn’s hand and led him into their bathroom. “How about I run us a nice bath and then we spend the rest of the night reminding each other how much we missed each other?”

⊰ v. what if ⊱

Before Arianna and Ashton were anything, they were best friends. Their relationship was extremely complicated, but they were able to ignore it most of the time to be able to enjoy each other’s presence. Ari was fully aware how much of an emotional drain that she was on Ashton, so when his birthday came around, she knew that she had to get something special for him. The boys had thrown him a birthday party, and Arianna had to get a moment alone with Ashton before the end of the night. Her gift was really nice, but it was intimate. Ari didn’t want anyone else to know about it. She knew that no one had the slightest inkling about the true nature of their relationship, but when she’s a married woman who’s having an affair, it’s only natural to be cautious about her interactions with him in public. She thought to find him whenever she noticed he went missing, but it would’ve been too obvious that she was missing too. Ultimately, Ari decided to wait until everyone had left to give Ashton his gift. “Hey, stranger,” Arianna whispered as she approached him in his bedroom. “Not to toot my own horn, but I definitely got you the best gift. It’s so good I had to wait until everyone left to give it to you.” Arianna was really nervous to hand over her gift because she really wanted Ashton to like it. It took her a long time to think of it, and it meant something to her and hopefully to him too. She chewed on her bottom lip as she watched him open her gift. Ari had gotten him an amazing watch with the date they met sketched on the back of it and the first words they ever said to each other. “It took me a while to figure it out, but I set the watch to the time we met too,” Arianna pointed out, joining Ashton at the foot of his bed. She had a shy smile on her face, one that always happened to be there when she was around him. Even after all these years, Arianna still felt like her awkward 19-year-old self around him. “I just wanted you to know that regardless of our complicated ass relationship, I’ll always cherish the date I met you. You mean a lot to me, Irwin, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Arianna pulled her best friend in for a hug, letting out a sigh of relief that he actually liked her gift.

#prxttylittle #my biggest dilemma was if i should kill luna off in the first one #so i didn't even write if she did lol #wow will someone ever describe me as their sanctuary #i told you there wasn't drama and then made it ari's birthday wow #⊰ v. princess and the moon ⊱#⊰ v. what if ⊱#⊰ v. no reason ⊱#⊰ july 17th ⊱#( meme reply. )

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 6 years

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listen... i miss gmw. gimme a lil something something bout the kids' college graduations?? maybe baby penny is sick all over Farkle's diploma and it's ruined for framing and Jennifer can't BELIEVE the AUDACITY of this infant CHILD and maybe joshaya are running late late late late bc whoops impromptu trip to denmark on smthg and the plane was delayed but FSCK WE GOTTA GRADUATE or something. idk. what i do know is that i love ur blog and riarkle, in that order xxxx

You sent this in like maybe a week or so ago and I’ve been ignoring it in fear of becoming Trash once more but I just realized that it’s Riley’s birthday and life is a nightmare so the Trash Is Unleashed™

Okay so Maya stayed in New York for college as we know, but Riley and Farkle fucked off away to some Ivy League out of state

You readers can put them wherever your pretty little hearts desire, I personally like the thought of them in Boston (and I feel like it’d be a nice little circle since Feeny’s from Boston let me live)

But anyway, they’ve stayed as close as ever!!! Time and distance have no power over them!!! We know this!!!

Like we’re talking facetiming, constant texting, a group chat with memes they can’t explain to anyone else, phone calls, they all know what’s up with each other constantly

For the record they are still in touch with Zay, Smackle and Lucas but it’s just like. not CONSTANT communication you know. Like they’re group chat still lives but it’s college + Riley and Farkle have a kid so they’re all busy

But anyway

So Riley’s got her astrophysics and journalism courses aced, Farkle’s fully set to go into politics, and Maya’s art major is done with.

And you know. Our fav ot3 has been together most of their lives. They graduated middle school and high school together and they couldn’t wait to see each other graduate college

But…they were blindsided

No one had ever suspected their colleges would have the audacity to schedule their graduations on the same day

Does Riley pull a Topanga and try to fight her schools dean??? Absolutely

Does it work? Absolutely not

So now the ENTIRE family is stressed, because most of the Matthews consider Maya part of the family, so does Minkus, Shawn can’t see his goddaughter graduate and Josh is left with the delima of “Girlfriend vs Niece”. They’re all freaking out like holy shit

Riley and Maya are just….in Full Dramatics about this

We’re talking waxing Shakespearean sonnets about the Universe™ trying to tear them apart. They make their way back to all that Sun and the Moon symbolism bullshit

After a literal week of this Farkle is TIRED

Wakes up to his four year old telling him “Mommy’s wearing a lot of eyeliner and said the world is a dark and spiteful place that doesn’t want her and Auntie Maya together and that every moment they share is in blatant defiance of fate. What’s that mean?” and this poor guy is just like,,,,,,for fucks sake,

Like obviously he wants to see Maya graduate too!!! They’re best friends!!! But these girls are EXAHUSTING him lmao

So he has a Plan, but he also knows how his Plans usually go, so he just gives tf in and calls his dad to handle it lmao

Meanwhile: Joshua

Who has just been….literally screaming nonstop since this drama unfolded

Riley’s his BLOOD, even though they’re uncle-niece they have more of a close sibling relationship

But he literally has a ring ready and waiting for Maya!!!

And the boy is a fucking Matthews so of course HE’S in dramatic throws about this predicament

He calls Cory for advice and Cory is like “You’re going to Maya’s because you love her and I’m not paying for your fucking flight to Boston” lmao

So it ends up with like. Katy, Shawn, Turner, Josh (+ his four bandmates), and Zay (bc he’s in the city and Broke), and Ava end up going to Maya’s ceremony

With Cory, Topanga, Stuart, Amy, Alan, Eric, Auggie, Smackle and Feeny going to Riley and Farkle’s ceremony

Jack couldn’t get off work and Doesn’t Super Care and Morgan’s in Europe for work so they’re unfortunately off the list

They forgot to invite Lucas didnt want anymore choosing between the girls bullshit couldn’t make the trip because of work lol

So anyway: Farkle’s Plan that was funded by Stuart?

Absolutely got remote controlled robots so they could keep up a video call for both ceremonies

You know damn well what I mean

Cory thinks this is absolutely the funniest fucking thing he’s ever heard of

Eric thinks this is a sign of the impending Robot Wars™

The girls are still massively upset and think Farkle’s a fucking dork but they’re very touched and love him yadayada so this calms them down a bit

But anyway like, we get to the big graduation day and like….disasters, disasters all around

Josh’s Stoner Friend™ keeps knocking into the damn robot and almost breaks it like thirty times in an hour

Eric is giving the robot at Riley and Farkle’s site a wide berth with suspicious eyes

Auggie, Cory and Penny are all suspiciously sick but are trying to power through the ceremony

All the other students and people attending these graduations…..you know these whackjobs are getting looks. Some assholes in the crowd keep throwing stuff at the robots

Shawn and Katy are making a HUGE SCENE crying hysterically we all know they would

Jennifer makes a surprise, dramatic appearance at Farkle’s graduation

We’re talking pulling up in a limo, emerging in slow motion, wearing a glittering black evening gown, elbow length black satin gloves, stilettos and a huge hat with peacock feathers on it, making a show of searching the crowds before spotting him (standing directly in front of her) before throwing out her arms and screeching “My baby-!”

Farkle’s like ‘We literally have not spoken in at least six years will you please get the fuck out of here’

She does not, in fact, get the fuck out of there so Topanga is now on duty to make sure she and Stuart don’t get into a fight and ruin this for the kids asdfgj

Feeny keeps fucking falling asleep bc he’s old and doesn’t care about the guest speakers but he SNORES WORRINGLY LOUDLY

Students aren’t technically allowed to have devices™ out during the ceremonies so Riley and Farkle and Maya are trying so hard to be discrete as the watch the feed from each other’s graduations

They literally end up paying more attention to each other’s graduations than their own lmao

Josh’s bandmates and Zay are all being the rowdiest fucking audience members possible like they’re all those assholes that bring noise makers and scream and clap at random intervals

Stuart and Jen keep shooting each other withering glares and trading insults as Topanga shushes them

Penny, Auggie, and Cory are just feeling more and more like Literal Death the longer this drags on

Maya finally goes up to get her diploma and Katy literally faints

Riley and Farkle start cheering bc yay Maya!!! Until they remember they’re at their own ceremony and there is LITERALLY A SPEECH HAPPENING SO THEY’RE SCREAMING INTO THE QUIET AND INTERRUPTING EVERYTHING

Get glared back into submission but Maya’s laughing at them

Maya’s graduation ends soonish after that but the other one is DRAGGING ON STILL so everyone is like crowed around trying to watch on Maya’s tiny screen lol

When the speech finally ends Smackle’s muttering about how everything said was factually incorrect

Stuart and Jen are still antagonizing each other

Amy and Alan are taking enough pictures to blind people with the flash

So Riley gets called up for her diploma first right

Trips

Hard enough to fall off the fucking stage

Had to be helped back up by memebers of the band

Gets back on stage and gets her diploma

Falls again coming down

Amy and Topanga are s c re a m i ng and Maya is literally crying from the effort it takes to not laugh

Jen’s making obnoxious comments about who her son was ‘trapped’ by and Penny wants to know what that means and Stuart is prepared to stab Jen if she bothers to answer

Riley’s literally off to the side getting looked at by a medic when Farkle goes up for his diploma

He gets it fine enough but coming downstage he’s overcome with the urge to do ‘thank you I am farkle’

he didn’t realize the student that was called up after him was right behind him

punches this kid in the face, he falls

the person behind them falls

a fcucking domino effect of ivy league graduates

Eric is literally crying from laughter watching this. So are his fucking bodyguards like they broke character bc this scene was Too Much

Feeny is back to snoring

The New York crowd is loosing their fucking minds

Farkle’s rushing back to his seat and Jen stands up to get his attention to Yell at him for being embarrassing and

Penny just fucking projectile vomits all over her

She’s SCREAMING

Cory opens his mouth to apologize and explain that she’s been sick and HE PUKES. WHICH SETS AUGGIE OFF

EVERYONES SCREAMING

Listen it was a huge crowd but three people projectile vomiting is gonna cause a STIR

People are rushing away and it’s a whole mess of a scene

The nyc crowd is Alive watching this all unfold

Eventually the ceremony ends and Riley and Farkle lowkey lock theirselves in their apartment for the rest of the night

Everyone thinks they’re just embarrassed but they’re fucking cracking up hysterically like it took two hours to give Penny a bath because they couldn’t catch their breath

At some point they settle down a bit and call Maya and the three of them spend the rest of their night drowning in nostalgia

This is messy as fuck but I’m out of practice anyway

^ me when I think about gmw these days

#gmw #riarkle #maya hart #riley matthews #farkle minkus #asks #molly mumbles #this is So Bad I'm sorry #I had to rush it #bc food #but hope someone enjoyed #lol

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