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gojou-violin · 2 years

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izu and his toy

☽ 𝒦𝒾𝓃𝓀𝓉𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝐸𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶 ☾

| based on this post made by @spacelabrathor

| pairing: subby!izuku midoriya x gn!reader (college au)

| warnings: 18+ MDNI sex toys, masturbation, exhibitionism/voyeurism, overstimulation, some aftercare.

| wc: 3.3k

| a/n: is this mildly based off of something that happened to me recently....... uhhhhhhhh....................................................

| taglist

"Izu, the library's closing," I hissed at him as I gently shook him away.

We'd been studying in the library for a couple of hours to cram before our midterm tomorrow at 7AM, but at some point I'd let him put his head down without thinking about it, and next thing I knew, while I was still going strong with my studies, he was drooling onto his textbook. I tried to let him be for as long as I could. He had been working so hard to pass this exam on History of Pro Heroes that he'd practically started living in the library and my apartment just so he had some peace and quiet to study. But it was time to go home. I wasn't sure there was much more for either of us to study anymore without burning ourselves out.

"Shit--" Midoriya jumped up to his feet and looked around frantically. The library was pretty much empty besides us, another late night lurker, and the impatient librarian who was waiting to close up. "Shit, shit, shit--" He quickly started gathering his things and shoved them into his backpack. "I should probably go find a classroom to catch up on the time I missed--"

I cut him off by snatching his backpack and throwing it over my shoulder. "Like hell you are. You need a break. You need to sleep." I started walking out of the library with both of our backpacks over my shoulders. "It's bed time for you."

"What!"

As he chased after me, I kept walking, listening to his protests and bargains to come to my place so that he could study for just a few minutes before crashing on the couch. He'd make me breakfast! He'd buy me coffee from campus before the exam! He'd clean my apartment, buy me lunch, drive me around on the weekend with his car that he didn't like to park on campus, etc. Anything! Yet I refused with a shake of my head and a light smile.

"Bed time."

It was like talking to a five year old sometimes, I swear.

When we got to his dorm building, Midoriya used his keycard to let us in the front door, then led the way to the elevator. He was one of the lucky students that managed to get into the best dorm his Sophomore year when usually only the Seniors and Juniors won rooms in that building during the housing lottery at the end of each school year. He got a room to himself in a suite that he only had to share a bathroom and sink with three other people, he got air conditioning, space for his gaming setup, plenty of space for a fridge or two, etc. I'd never actually been up to his room before, but I had heard plenty about it before. He liked to brag about it whenever he'd come over to my place because I spent far too much on my shitty apartment off campus that I shared with four other people, which meant that there was no privacy whatsoever, and that I had to share a room with someone. Izuku was lucky and he knew it.

"If you judge me when you see what's inside, I will cry and never talk to you again," he warned me with a hand on the doorknob after using the keycard to unlock his room. "Got it?"

"Got it."

He opened the door and stopped inside. What I saw wasn't exactly surprising, but it was a bit embarrassing for him, so I suddenly understood why he never invited me or anyone else over to hang out in his oh-so-fancy dorm room that he bragged so much about. I was also starting to realize why he never got a girlfriend.

Plastered to pretty much every inch of his walls was some kind of All Might memorabilia. Posters, figurines, tapestries, flags, and so on. His sheets were red and his comforter was blue and yellow, like All Might's color scheme. Next to his gaming set up on his desk, he had a framed photo of the time he met All Might at a Pro Hero convention. Hidden behind his closet door were so many All Might t-shirts and pajama pants that I thought I was going crazy.

I tried my best not to laugh. I wasn't judging him, I just thought it was cute... He was really obsessed with All Might, I knew that, but... I didn't realize it was that bad.

"Oh, this is gold," I snickered as I saw a pair of clean All Might themed boxers hanging out of a drawer. I went to inspect them while putting them away for him, but as I did so, I pulled the drawer open a bit, and what I saw made me stop in my tracks. "Iz?"

He saw what I was staring at and immediately scrambled to hide it from me, but I stopped him before he could slam the drawer shut.

"I didn't think you'd actually go digging through shit--"

"I didn't dig."

"Why were you looking in my underwear drawer in the first place!" His voice pitched with panic.

I looked over at him, still smiling, to find that he'd gone pale with worry and embarrassment while still trying to find the perfect opportunity to hide his shame from me after I'd stopped holding so firmly onto the drawer.

"When'd you buy it?"

"I'm not telling you!" He tried to push the drawer closed again. I held true. "My eighteenth birthday, okay?!"

"Why?"

He strained to close the drawer. My smirk widened.

"Why are you so shy about it, Izu?"

He turned from pale to red at the nickname. "Why are you teasing me about it..." he croaked.

"I'm not teasing you. I'm just asking."

"I'm endlessly ashamed of this whole situation, okay, can we just let it go?"

I grabbed the toy from his drawer to inspect it a bit. His eighteenth birthday, huh? So, what, he went to a sex toy store the second he could go into one, and he walked out with a transparent fleshlight? I'd seen worse from kids our age. I wasn't so sure why he would be sheepish about it. He was a young, single college kid. It was understandable that he needed something... I just never expected that Izuku Midoriya of all people would buy a fleshlight instead of something a bit smaller and more secretive.

"Is it nice?" I asked.

He finally managed to grab it from me. "That's for me to know and you to forget while I die of shame."

I laughed. "Stop being so squirmy about it, Izu!" I jumped onto his bed and relaxed against the pillows that were propped against the wall. "I think it's cute that you bought a toy for yourself."

He choked on air. "Stop that--"

"What?"

"You know..."

Did I know? Perhaps I did. All the blushing glances he'd send my way, all the times he'd ask to stay over at my place even though his was better, all the times he insisted on being a gentleman by holding the door for me, buying me food instead of letting me use my student meal points, driving me around even though he disliked it, spending all of his time with me. Yes, I think I always knew but I suppressed it because I didn't want to make a fool of myself by jumping to conclusions simply because he didn't act like any of my other guy friends; simply because he was better than any guy I knew. But now we were in his room, he was as red as a tomato while hugging his fleshlight in his arms to try to hide it from my sight, and he was shaking when he heard me call him Izu and when I said he was cute.

"You are cute, though, Izu," I tested the waters a bit more.

"You're being mean."

I watched him closely for a minute to see if he really meant it, but the strain in his pants said otherwise. Still, I didn't want to push it too far if he wasn't okay with it, so I played it safe by telling him that I'd leave if he really wanted me to. I wasn't smiling or teasing when I said it. I was as sincere as I'd ever been. If he really didn't want it, if he really hated it, I'd leave.

"No, wait--" He reached out to stop me. "I just... I don't know... How do you expect me to not be embarrassed about this? It's not like I was ever planning on having a friend come over and find... this."

He was close enough to me now that I could reach out for the toy again, and this time he let it happen while he stared at me with big eyes like a deer in headlights. I looked at the details of the toy. It was big. When he bought it, he probably had someone at the store tell him, "Are you sure? It might not be the right fit." Which meant that he probably really did fit into something that deep... The entrance of it was tight, but I could see that deep within it, it was a bit wider to fit his size. I swallowed hard. Did he really fit that? Did he know that they were supposed to be somewhat tight to feel good, or did he just go with it when it didn't properly fit?

"You clean it?" I asked him.

He nodded.

"Good."

He burned a brighter red.

"Do you have any others?"

He shook his head.

"How often do you use it?"

He trembled and played with his fingers anxiously as he stared at the ground and replied, "Couple of times a week..."

Oh, the poor thing... He was really desperate, wasn't he? I felt bad for him. If only I'd known sooner.

"When'd you use it last?"

"Wha-- I-- Well, you know, I've, uh, I've been really, uh, busy, and, you know, well..." Izuku trailed off as I perched my finger under his chin and lifted his gaze. "Last night."

"We were hanging out last night, Izu."

"After that!"

"Is that why you left in such a hurry?"

He nodded.

"Poor thing."

He melted into my hand subconsciously. Over the past few days, when we'd been studying endlessly at the library, he'd come up with excuses to race home afterwards, like to shower, or grab pajamas, or something along those lines, before driving to my place. I really didn't think much of it at the time because I was so tired and stressed, too, but... Now that I knew the truth, I was beginning to wonder if he was racing home to get all of his anxiety out using his toy before coming to see me.

I mentioned then and there while caressing his cheek that he must be under so much pressure, that he must be so tired and stressed, that he must be so desperate for some release and some help. I don't know when or how or why, but something snapped in Midoriya, and suddenly he was melting further into my hand while inching closer to me until he was standing between my legs, his growing erection pressed up against the edge of his mattress.

"Not so shy now, are you?" I cooed.

He shook his head vaguely.

When I reached down to slowly run my hand from his hip to his pubic bone, he tensed up and pursed his lips, holding back a moan that nearly escaped him if he hadn't stopped himself so quickly. That just wouldn't do... I wanted to hear him. So I drifted further down until my hand was cupping his erection. He finally broke, lurching forward as he whined pathetically.

"Don-- Don't-- Don't tease--" he croaked.

"Mmm... Why not?" I whispered in his ear.

He moaned again as I slid my hand under his pants and underwear. "'Cause... 'Cause... I can't- I can't-- Fuck--"

"'Cause you're really desperate, Izu? Is that it?"

"Fuck--"

I pushed his pants down a bit, letting gravity do the rest so that everything fell easily to his knees, his cock springing free. So he hadn't bought the wrong size toy after all. There he was, my best friend, red faced with lust and embarrassment, his cock hard for me, his hands shaking as he gripped his sheets for dear life to stop himself from grinding against my thigh. He was big. He wasn't as long as I expected considering the depth of the toy, but he was certainly wide enough for it.

"Would you feel better if you got to fuck your toy?"

He nodded without a second thought.

"Go on, then." I turned the toy in my hands so that the opening was facing him, and I placed it between my thighs, just where his dick was waiting eagerly for some kind of stimulation; but I refused to help him. I wanted to see what it was like when he was alone and fucked his toy. I wanted to see what Izuku Midoriya looked like when he was practically in heaven. "Fuck your toy for me."

A small voice in the back of my mind was trying to knock some sense into me by screaming that this was my best friend, and that I was overstepping by coming into his room and telling him to get off in front of me. I was trying to warn myself that I was ruining my friendship by doing this. But then the devil on my shoulder was whispering into my ear that Izuku would look so cute when his sweaty hair would fall in his face, when his freckled cheeks would glow red as he got closer to the edge, when he'd grab onto me as he came into his toy. The sexual tension in the room was far stronger than any bit of reason I had left.

"I... Are you sure?" Midoriya looked up at me with puppy eyes.

I nodded with a smirk. "Go on."

With his grip still tough on his sheets, he swiveled his hips until his tip was playing with the entrance of the toy. "My lotion," he whispered while pointing to the table next to us. I leaned over to grab it for him.

"Show me exactly how you do it all, Izu."

I watched as he used some of the lotion to lube up his cock before burying two greasy fingers inside of the toy. It looked like he was trying to impress me by showing what he could do to someone else if given the chance, but to me, it looked like he was an inexperienced kid who'd never actually fingered someone before. I giggled before kissing his cheek.

"Wha--" He stared at me with wide eyes.

"What?"

"I..."

"Why'd you stop?"

Suddenly, with a little pep in his step, he fingered the toy a bit faster to make sure it was slick enough for him to fuck before he pulled out of it then pressed his cock in. He hunched forward a bit while doing so. His breath hitched and his knees buckled slightly, all of which told me that he was definitely as inexperienced as I initially thought he was.

With the toy still pressed between my thighs, Midoriya braced his hands on my thighs, then he started fucking the toy slow and deep, likely feeling the stretch of the silicon around his twitching length. He probably didn't even know what a real, warm hole felt like... How cute... It was so mesmerizing to watch him fasten his pace desperately while his thrusts got increasingly sloppier, his head hanging low as his hair fell in his face, and he was moaning constantly under his breath.

"You're such a good boy." It escaped me before I could even think to hold back such a lewd compliment.

However, it seemed to give him a greater sense of urgency because he was rolling his hips and reaching deeper and different angles with every thrust in. What happened to catch me off guard, however, was how he looked up at me suddenly, his green hair sticking to his forehead, and he leaned forward to kiss me passionately. His fingers clawed into my knees to hold me still as he sloppily stuck his tongue into my mouth and made an attempt to fight for dominance. I inevitably began fighting back before I ultimately won. He gave in and followed my lead. I smiled against his lips. He was moaning so affectionately, I could have melted and moaned back right then and there if I didn't hold myself back for the sake of seeming like I had more self-control than him.

"Is this what you imagined would happen when you bought this toy, Izu?" I mumbled against his lips.

"No..."

"Mmm... What do you think about when you're fucking it... When you're all alone in your room at night... Chasing your orgasm so you can race to my apartment and act like nothing ever happened..."

He whined.

"Hmmm? Tell me."

"You!" He gasped loudly as he hit a sensitive spot. "I think about fucking you-- Fuck!" His grip on me was starting to hurt, which was how I knew he was close. "I just wanna make you feel good..."

"One of these days, Izu. I promise. Just keep going. You can cum."

He panted into my mouth as he fucked his toy fast and faster and harder and harder until suddenly--

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, I'm cumming, fuck, god, fuck, I can't, fuck!"

I looked down at the transparent fleshlight just in time to see him burying himself deep inside of it as he came hard. His forehead fell against my shoulder. His body shook from being so overwhelmed.

"Keep going," I encouraged. "It'll feel good."

He listened despite his brain being fried. He pulled back a bit, then carefully slid back in while he was shooting the last of his cum out. He shivered and went weak a bit. I barely caught him with my hands under his armpits before he could collapse onto the ground.

“Izuku?” I lifted him back up a bit after he got his feet back under him. “You okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Fuck.” He took in a deep breath to try to relax. “Fuck.”

I tried to find his face under his hair to see if he was really alright and to get a grasp of what happened. Behind his hair, he looked up at me with puppy dog eyes again. “What happened?”

He blushed. “I think I came too hard…”

I laughed.

“It’s not funny!”

I kissed him while I was still laughing. “I told you it’d feel good.”

Before he could kiss me back, I pulled away to help him out of the toy since he was soft now and his legs were shaking. I jumped off the bed to make room for him to lay down. He sighed as he got on his bed, his pants pulled up again to cover himself as he rested and I left his room to clean the toy in a lazy way so that I could set it to the side for now and clean it properly for him later. I set it to dry on top of his dresser.

“This is weird, right?” he asked me.

I shook my head. “I don’t think it’s weird. Do you?”

“No. I thought you’d think it was weird.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause you’re my best friend. And we just… You know…”

“It’s only weird if you think it’s weird, Izuku.” I rolled onto the tall bed to snuggle up with him. “I liked it.”

He shimmied down so that he could be the smaller spoon in our embrace, so that he could hug my torso and I could kiss the top of his head. “I liked it, too,” he admitted while hiding his face in my shirt.

“Good.” I kissed his hair and let my lips stay there. “I’m glad.”

Now it was time for us to finally rest before our midterm tomorrow. I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to think about anything besides him now, but... There was always after the midterm.

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virusinfected-memes · 2 years

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TUMBLR TEXT POST SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. 1 ;

75 starters. CW: blood mention, cussing, death. Starters come from various text posts floating around Tumblr. The only thing changed for this post was adding capitalization and punctuation. Feel free to change words and pronouns as needed!

“All I do is drink water and be stupid.”

“All I do is rotate three outfits and talk shit and have panic attacks.”

“All I want these days is to hike through a mossy forest filled with heavy fog and get lost for a while.”

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for the those two guys who died in the Blair Witch house? Who broke into HER home, trespassed on HER land, and messed with HER stick bundles? I don’t!”

“Baby girl, you are strange and off-putting.”

“Can necromancers heal depression?”

“Did I need it? No. Did I buy it? Yes.”

“Don’t forget that what you see isn’t all there is.”

“Do you ever wanna bond with someone so bad you’re like, “Damn, I wish we were knights on a dangerous quest...”?”

“Do you think the world could suddenly end on a night as quiet as this?”

“Fuck yeah, I’m an influencer! My content is clownery, I promote stupidity, and I’m sponsored by the circus.”

“Have people in horror movies never seen a horror movie?”

“Holy shit... I’M the demon living in my house?”

“Hot tip: bury yourself in the forest to recharge, never come back, and become a local cryptid.”

“Humans are really good at remembering each other’s bad decisions.”

“I am one percent human and ninety-nine percent tired.”

“I don’t really feel like existing today.”

“I do this really cute thing where I shut down and hate everybody.”

“I feel like I’m in the Sims where it takes five hours to make pasta and then you have to immediately go to bed.”

“If I can’t hand my lover a cup of coffee and kiss their forehead while they’re working, then what even is the point?”

“If my son is stealing pies off window sills, it’s because I taught him to do that, bitch.”

“If you aren’t someone the church wanted dead three hundred years ago, are you really living?”

“If your computer has malware... that’s me in there. If you take care of me like a little Tamagotchi pet, I will leave and give you a secret present in your files.”

“I hate those really vivid dreams that you’re still emotionally attached to after you wake up. You’re stuck, feeling for something that technically doesn’t exist.”

“I’m giving up personhood to become a full-time abstract concept.”

“I’m like a shitty anime dating sim. If I talk to six people, I have to immediately go to bed. If I go grocery shopping, that’s half my HP.”

“I’m off to kill the most powerful man in the world.”

“In the 90s, computers would scream every time you went online. That was foreshadowing.”

“I procrastinate so much now that if I ever became a vampire I will literally put things off for centuries.”

“I think I want my next piercing to be through my heart with a wooden stake.”

“I think my dark under eye circles are adding to the aesthetic, actually.”

“I think the far healthier app to have in middle school was the DSi camera, not Tik Tok.”

“It’s okay to be obsessed and in love with me.”

“I was born in the wrong generation. Take me back to the paleoarchean era. I want to be insentient. I want to be bacteria.”

“Little known fact: once you’re older and you’re no longer in school, time stops being real. Did that thing happen one year ago? Two? Five? A few months ago? Who knows.”

“Maybe if we all just collectively start decorating now, we can... force it to be Halloween.”

“Me? Tired? Sleepy? Yes, constantly.”

“My blood is glow stick juice. That’s why all my bones crack when I move.”

“My body is less of a temple and more of a rotting 19th century mansion rumored to be haunted by several wicked and vengeful spirits.”

“My body is my temple. Ancient and crumbling. Probably cursed.”

“My hobbies include laying in bed in my underwear while I listen to music and hate myself.”

“My kink is closing doors so that I’m in complete solitude.”

“My superpower is going into a book store and immediately forgetting the name of every book I’ve ever wanted to read.”

“Not all your life decisions have to be smart. Some can be purely for cinematic value.”

“Nothing should go back to normal. Normal wasn’t working.”

“Not really a fan of this ‘being a person’ thing.”

“People keep saying “go big or go home” as if going home doesn’t sound like the best idea ever. Hell yeah, I wanna go home, and I’m gonna take a nap when I get there.”

“People who suggest getting breakfast together as a hangout plan are the kind of people you want to hang onto.”

“Pray for me. Nothing’s wrong, I just want more power.”

“Protect me from what I want.”

“Pro tip: instead of having feelings, try being dead inside. Everything is still horrible, but you will not care at all.”

“Remember, you can disappear into the woods whenever you want. You’re an adult.”

“Reminder: you can start over at any time. Your day is not ruined. Your world is not over. Take a deep breath. Start over.”

“Rest in peace to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the gods.”

“Sexting? Nah, I’m into spexting. Spooky texting. Ever seen a ghost? Hit me up.”

“Something all children covet is the generic black t-shirt with white skull worn by cartoon teenagers.”

“Sometimes a girly just needs to mask her declining mental state by calling herself a girlboss and that’s okay.”

“Sorry, bro, I can’t hang out today. I used up all my mana.”

“Sorry I tried to drink your blood. I think you’re cute.”

“The internet is awesome, but you can’t download love.”

“The only reason I still have depression is because I can’t take my brain out and blow on it like a DS cartridge.”

“The older you get, the more you appreciate just chilling at home doing nothing.”

“The world is just generally better when you’ve recently eaten a sandwich.”

“The worst part about kissing a perfect ten is the cold feeling your lips get from touching the mirror.”

“Very sexy of me to be isolating myself and rotting into the floor.”

“Well, the horrors may be beyond YOUR comprehension, but I understand them perfectly.”

“What does your soul look like?”

“What ever happened to personality? I want decorative towels that aren’t boring! I want NOVELTY! I want people to come over to my house and look at my trinkets, and immediately think “this lady is a wacko” and also “her stuff is haunted!””

“When fat Pikachu finally returns, I know he will single-handedly save our economy.”

“Yeah, I could have cracked the Zodiac cipher before those guys did. I just didn’t want to.”

“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”

“You can’t keep dancing with the devil and wonder why you’re still in Hell.”

“You know what I would be if I was in a video game? That dead body you find at the beginning with like ten gold.”

“You think too much. You’ll make yourself ill if you keep that up.”

#ask meme #inbox meme #roleplay meme #rp meme #rp sentence starters #sentence starters #tumblr #* mine

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azaarchiive · 3 months

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Only The Elite; hinata shoyo

chapter one; birthday girl

notes; fem reader btw not sure if i specified that im so sorry. omg first chappy heheh so happy! if you haven’t read the prologue as it just adjusts you to the dynamics quite early on but if you really don’t then it’s ok! 1.9k words

PROLOGUE - NEXT

“hey birthday girl!” tooru warmly smiled as you opened the door, stretching his long arms out to hug you tightly.

“thanks baby, everyone’s already in the dining hall.” you sighed, a small smile on you face as you accepted the hug since it almost dissolved all your stress.

keyword’s almost.

birthdays in hiroo are a big thing, it was the biggest events of the year and it was an expectation that no matter when your birthday was, it would be a big fucking bang. it’s a competition, whoever had the most controversy during their birthday won that year. there would be award ceremonies at the end of the year and all.

last year, eita won as he managed to get a tiger loose in his house who bit hajime’s dad. there is still a little tension between them about it till this day.

so yeah, in short, you were stressed as fuck. your maid, precious, has seen this and aided you in organising, she truly was your favourite.

“alright, let’s go.” tooru held onto your hand and dragged your lethargic body to the dining room, which took forever considering your house is massive.

“awe look at y/n and her prince charming!” koutarou teased as he saw you two walking into the dining room.

“would i ever leave a damsel in distress?” tooru smiled as he pulled your body towards him, draping his arms around you lazily.

“erm excuse me? i could literally buy and sell your company.” you rolled your eyes jokingly, folding your arms.

“yeah, just keep quiet after that.” hajime chuckled, taking a gulp of his whisky.

“you need to stop drinking before you comment on anyone else!” tooru huffed childishly.

“fuck off tooru, you’re just mad that i could buy and sell your company also.” hajime gloated, leaning back in his chair as he was satisfied with tooru’s angered expression.

tooru stomped to his chair childishly, refusing to comment any further, this made everyone chuckle at tooru’s antics.

“moving on from this big baby, everyone has their clothes?”

“yes y/n.” everyone said all together annoyed as you had asked them this question at least 4 times already.

“you’re way to stressed, listen, all the maids are dealing with everything. all you need to focus on is making that pretty face and body even prettier. have you even tried on your dress?” suguru smirked sultrily, shamelessly dragging his eyes across your whole frame.

“ugh, you’re disgusting but you have a point. i’m just nervous about the guest list specifically.” you admitted, taking a chair and sitting down at the table as you sighed.

“why, who did you invite?” kiyoomi asked.

“everyone in hiroo and their parents, problem is, all the parents are pissed at mine for the recent business investment we did.” you groaned.

“what the hell did you guys do now?” kiyoomi questioned once more.

“we announced that we are planning to buy some shitty public school- karasuno, i think it’s called? anyways, long story short, we are buying the school and surrounding area to make it less poverty stricken.” you explained.

“so… gentrification?” koutarou commented.

“i guess, but to be fair that area is ugly anyways, like if i was poor, id be happy people are kicking us out. at least id have an excuse to finally get up and make some fucking money.” you shrugged.

“you’re so unserious.” eita replied, laughing his ass off.

“no wait, i get what she’s saying. love the poor people or whatever but they do need an incentive to start working, you know?” suguru said, laughing along with everyone.

“you guys are mean, where are they supposed to go?” koutarou calmed down from his laughing fit.

“who cares? just get out of my area, ya know?” you smiled.

“anyways, not the point! point is, some parents are now like poverty-activists and are pissed at me.” you sighed for what seemed like the umpteenth time that’s day.

“don’t worry, it will pass over. speaking out against you gets them the most positive attention from the public, they’ll still come and won’t make any havoc.” wakatoshi advised.

wakatoshi talked every once in a blue moon but every time he did, it was like a million dollar movie line that solves all the main characters problems, the wisest man everyone has ever known is wakatoshi.

“i love you, thanks babe. you’re right, i just need to focus on getting ready and praying something controversial happens.” you stood up and dusted off your lounge outfit.

“not like you can beat me but have fun trying.” eita winked at me as he boasted.

“you’re a monster.” hajime stared directly at eita.

“oh my god, let it go! it has literally been a year.” eita rolled his eyes.

“yeah, because it’s not like my dad had to wear crutches for half of that year, you evil beast.” hajime spat out.

“i’m crying.” tooru wheezed out as he continued to cry laughing.

“so was my father when he was viciously attacked.” hajime muttered bitterly.

“yet he was still able to take away free lunches from kindergarten classes? maybe the tiger should’ve went a little harder.” eita stuck his tongue before quickly making a run for it.

“fuck you and your mothers foundation!” hajime yelled out before chasing after eita down the hallway.

“i’m friends with children.” you face palmed while the rest of the table were bursting with laughter.

meanwhile, back in karasuno’s gym, the remaining members of the volleyball team were sat in silence. looking down at the ground and staring off into space while confused with how the future was going to play out for them.

they should be bursting with excitement, they were going to the finals! they were going to compete with top private schools and some even had opportunities to go pro, however all those dreams may be cut short after their recent revelations.

“so, what the hell are we going to do?” yuu disrupted the silence, asking the question that plagued their mind ever since finding out about karasuno being a recent purchase.

“we might have to move to the countryside…” koushi suggested, blinking back his tears as he faced down to the ground.

“no.” shoyos voice was cracking, barely above a whisper.

“sorry?” tobio asked, carelessly letting his tears run down his face.

“i’m not fucking standing for this. what? we have to leave the only place we can afford to go, on student loans mind you, because some fucking pompous fucks want better scenery? taking the fucking piss.” shoyo raised his voice.

“well non of us fucking like it but what the hell do you want us to do? fucking ask them to stop? like they’ll listen to us.” kei responded.

there was a beat of silence before yuu spoke.

“i… i know this is so far fetched but, we have nothing to loose right?” he started, looking around the group to see all their tearful eyes staring at him.

“kei, you’re friends with tetsurō, right?” yuu asked, to which kei nodded his head.

“well, he knows koutarou- as in bokuto koutarou. he could potentially get us invited to y/n’s birthday this afternoon.” yuu suggested.

“is that really going to work? why would they invited some miyagi boys to the y/n l/n’s birthday party?” koushi rebuttaled.

“well, no time like the present to find out.” shoyo spoke up, staring at kei.

kei rolled his eyes before dialing tetsurō’s number and putting him on speaker.

“yo, kei! i never thought you would call me first, so you do love me!” tetsurō chuckled, his booming voice still echoing through the gym despite it being through the phone.

“don’t get it twisted, i just need something from you.” kei rolled his eyes.

“haha, of course! what’s up?”

“i need you to get my team and i invited to y/n’s party.” kei demanded.

“… kindest way possible-“

“i know, we’re dirt poor, but we aren’t there to enjoy ourselves. we need to talk to y/n ourselves.” kei still stood his ground, tetsurō could tell that kei was being dead serious about this and wouldn’t back down without a fight.

“this is about karasuno, right?” tetsurō asked, kei’s hum of affirmation confirmed it.

“i’ll see what i can do, sit tight and let daddy tetsu deal with it!” tetsurō said before ending the call.

“i guess we’ll see.” kei sighed, truthfully he felt quite hopeless. why would they be able to get invites to the party of the year? the media had eyes all over the estate, the party was already making headlines without it even starting.

five minutes go by and they truly have lost hope, until, tetsurō rings back.

kei answered the phone almost immediately.

“you guys are in! ok so the party starts at 5pm and lasts until 1am.” tetsurō cheered.

“how the hell-“

“listen, i don’t know how myself, just enjoy yourselves. but there is a catch.” tetsurō warned.

“of course, go on?” kei sighed, it was expected that there would be a catch.

“only four of you can come, there’s a very strict dress code and… you guys need to bring coke…” tetsurō notified.

“done, that’s not that bad, i didn’t think that they would want us to bring coke to a party though.” shoyo gleamed.

“i know, right? i’m bummed that only four of us can come though.” tobio replied.

“oh my god, you guys are idiots.” kei facepalmed, koushi and tetsurō bursting out laughing in the background.

“he’s talking about crack, the drug that people snort up?” sawamura, whose been silent up until now, lets out a breathy chuckled.

“oh… OH!” shoyo exclaimed as he realised now what everyone was talking about.

“how the hell are we supposed to get that?” tobio questioned, tilting his head slightly to the side in confusion.

“yeah you need around… 20 grams? ok bye gu-“

“no way, you will not be leaving until you have helped us.” kei commanded, tetsurō sighed in response.

“well… my sister knows some people…” ryūnosuke muttered, looking around at everyone.

“fuck, well, what about the dress code?” kei asked tetsurō through the phone.

“the theme is royalty, so you all need to dress like royalty or something of the sort.” tetsurō informs.

“oh my goodness, do you remember last halloween? we all dressed up as kings!” shoyo exclaimed.

“that probably won’t cut it though..” koushi thought, before whipping his head to azumane.

“azu’ you’re a fashion student right?” koushi smirked.

“i- i guess.” azumane meekly replied.

“you can, whip something together for your dear ol’ friends trying to help the school from crumbling, right?” koushi batted his eyelashes at him, flashing a bright smile at him.

“realistically, no, but i know that the department has to have something to do with a royalty theme so i can do some small tailoring to it, that should only take a few hours.” azumane explained.

“seems like you all have it covered, am i allowed to take my leave?” tetsurō sarcastically asked.

“yes.” kei rolled his eyes and slammed his finger on the red button, ending the call.

“i think… i think we are gonna crash the l/n’s.” yuu smiled.

“we are gonna save karasuno!” shoyo laughed, lazily draping his arms over tobio.

“yes we will.” tobio nodded determinedly, high-fiveing shoyo.

but they all knew deep down that it was not going to be this easy, however, they had to stay hopeful. especially for the events that laid ahead of them.

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 9 months

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every time I read about shitty landlords and read all the bullshit comments defending landlords for never going for social housing tenants I get so fucking angry. which, for a reminder to everyone: you are only ever one two pay day/s or paycheck/s away from homelessness or some other major life altering change for the worst... meaning you'll be next in line on the 10 year waiting list for social housing in my state of australia, new south wales.

because yeah, dgmw- a select few may or do leave properties in significant disrepair or completely ruin them.... I've seen the damage both on TV.... and through my cadetship in social housing last year. also heard about damage through that program, too, from both the workers where I was and the other people in the program etc etc. because for many people, esp if they've been long-term homeless for an extended period of time, they may not know how to live in a home or actively feel safe in a home and other things. it was our job, where i was working, to connect them with services to sustain their tenancies and help them live better lives.

but over the last year working in social housing, I learnt to hate landlords, even more than i already did previously. most especially the horrendous type of landlord that thinks they can just walk into their tenants' property at will, any time they want..... for idek.... just to "check they're stacking their plates right in MY cupboards. all day. every day. ".... or the like, which is a statement that was sneered down the phone..... not even considering time for ANY notice of inspection or entry.... entirely ignoring the tenants' privacy and "right to quiet enjoyment" which is stated in new south wales tenancy law and tenancy agreements.

we had to frequently remind these types of assholes that they could NOT enter the property without permission from the tenant (eg for repairs) or also us (inspections, repairs etc); or without express notice to the tenant, from themselves; or the real estate (repairs and inspections.... again sometimes in partnership with us). or also, in an emergency situation, they could enter the property for obvious reasons.

EVERYONE has EVERY fucking right to fucking hate landlords... and MOST ESPECIALLY when quite a few of them want to play with peoples lives like they're disposable toys. just invade privacy whenever they fucking want for funsies.... all bc apparently "oh no. MY PROPERTY may be damaged from this tenant not stacking plates to MY standard of presentation!!!!!! let me just enter their house- no. sorry. MY house - while they're at work, without asking them.... and then tell them some time later down the track. checkmate." and other bizarre utter bullshit excuses these assholes had.... and that i've also seen on my area's uni buy and sell page, when people have posted about their nightmare landlords over the years; looking for legal advice.

just. i fucking hate landlords. and tbh, I'm so glad I left that job. it was Too Much™️ dealing with these asshole landlords and their fucked up mind game ass questions and the mind games they wanted to play with their tenants and US.... always trying to tell any of the workers that I transferred them to on the phone, that "i'll ALWAYS know more about tenancy than YOU. because i've been a landlord for 30 years. what do YOU know???" no. the fuck. you do NOT know about MODERN tenancies, vernon or madeira. you need a real fucking job..... instead of thinking it's fun to have an express avenue to snoop into peoples lives in your free time. maybe brush up on CURRENT tenancy law, and don't pull the weird shit that you were pulling back in the 90s.... which was probably still fucked up borderline illegal or fully illegal landlord behaviour bullshit, in the 90s, anyway.

but hey. what the fuck do I know??? I was born in the mid-90s. more than likely, i will NEVER own a house of my own... or probably will never even move out of home... because of your bullshit gatekeeping of property: always raising rents and property prices.... and/or wasting actually useable and valuable living spaces for air bnbs and so-called "investment properties."

#life #about me #shut up ilona #i kept it all anonymous and used fake names #turned reblogs off bc i think this might blow up and i dont want ti #*dont want it to end up on any reddit boards or on the tumblr pages on fb or tiktok or w/e other social media #just in case anyone from my old work sees it and figures out its me

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miniwolfie · 1 year

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Author's Note: This is actually my cousin and I if she was dating Rin and I was dating Kaiser. English is not my first language.

c/n = cousin's name, y/n = your name

words = 2.5k

I actually don't know anything about france or paris, never been there, so if something doesn't make sense or is a bit stereotypical just chalk it up to: it's a fanfic

contains: a little swearing and being lost in paris

Rin and Kaiser together were... interesting, to say the least.

They never really talked, only said hi sometimes, even if they are both soccer players. They have seen each other multiple times, they were by no means strangers, but the thing that really brought them together, was funnily enough, another trip to some foreign country.

Ok, it wasn't just some foreign country. It was France and specifically Paris. They have been there multiple times with their teams for soccer games, but never really explored the capital other than the shitty tours by shitty tour guides who were just after their money.

This was their first time traveling as a group, specifically with their loved ones.

Still find it strange how they ended up together? Well, Rin and Kaiser haven't seen each other only in professional terms.

Their partners are cousins. And to top it of, best friends.

c/n and y/n. The second one is me, hello world! I'm Kaisers girlfriend, how he managed to bag a 10 like me is still a mystery to this day.

Actually it's no mystery at all. He is blonde, tall, the sweetest eye candy I've ever seen and makes at least 2 million a year. You think I'm letting him go after I see that bank account?

As for c/n, how she managed to get with Rin, now THAT is a mystery, and a story for another time.

Where was I? Oh yeah, when c/n and I were spending time together and our boyfriends had to see each other, they only exchanged smiles and hellos. Sure, there were some times where even those didn't exist, but they could survive next to each other.

Truth be told I am a 100% certain they only did it so we wouldn't be sad. And that's adorable, but moving on!

So Paris. I remember c/n kept bugging Rin about how she really wanted to go there so she could be a "French girl" and get those "coquette hats". She even tried to learn French for a little while, but that didn't last. When she learnt that the word egg in French is eof, which is pronounced oof, she laughed so hard the whole house could hear her. Problem was, it was 3 am, the night before a big game for Rin. She then proceeded to go on roblox, try to be a "French girl" but she got banned for bullying.

French was out the window after that one, Rin needed to actually buy her a phone after she threw it out the window, but her dream of going to France wasn't.

As she kept talking about going to France day after day, weeks on end, I started wanting it too. I like to travel, but because of work I couldn't really spontaneously do so. Kaiser tried to comfort me, and by that I mean laugh and make fun of France saying "You don't have me in France" and "France is just a downgrade of Germany", but after he said "I've been there multiple times, it's nothing special." I snapped. Well not really, I didn't start yelling or throwing things around, that would have been a waste of money no matter how much we have of it, but I laid my head on the counter and said "I wouldn't know, I've never really been anywhere."

Kaiser proceeded to buy tickets for a flight due in twelve hours.

When he told me, I immediately called c/n and told her about it. Rin overheard and said he would buy tickets for the next flight, which was in two days. C/n convinced him to buy tickets for the flight in twelve hours, and by convince I mean started crying and saying how unfair it was that I would be in France for two days longer than her.

Those twelve hours were easily one of the most stressful moments in my life. I remember packing a suitcase and having Kaiser say "You know I'm rich enough to buy you a whole house in France right? I'll buy everything we're missing there." to which I threw him one of my dirtiest looks and replied "that is a waste of money."

Kaiser and Rin had travelled enough to know what they actually needed, so it wasn't difficult for them to pack a suitcase. C/n on the other hand was so unable to pack a suitcase on her own that Rin had to pack one for her. He still had to buy her a toothbrush though, mostly because she wanted to wake up and feel "the taste of France" when brushing her teeth.

Safe to say Rin was not impressed.

After boarding the flight and lecturing Kaiser about how much of a bad idea this actually was, the flight wasn't bad. Kaiser kept smirking at me and telling me "I know you are secretly happy so your welcome" and Rin was organising a plan so we could make the most of the trip. C/n kept talking to random strangers, so the flight was fairly normal.

Of course I was ecstatic about going to France, even if I didn't outright admit it. Lord only knows how much Kaiser would have rubbed it in my face.

But anyway, when we reached France it was around 2 am. Safe to say I was dead tired, since there was a baby on board who wouldn't stop screaming. Kaiser was ready to murder the thing, but instead chose to give me his headphones and rub circles in my hand, which was oddly sweet and almost put me to sleep. Didn't work though since we were actually mere minutes before landing.

Rin had called one of the hotels their teams used when they were playing in France, and the owner was ecstatic to meet the partners of two world class players. I'm sure it wasn't too charming of us to walk in tired and delirious from lack of sleep, but hey, the beds were very comfortable and I slept like a log.

The next day rolls and I still had no idea what we would be doing. When I asked Kaiser how long he had intended the trip to be he just shrugged and said "Tired already? I told you France was boring." to which I didn't reply. He knew very well that the reason I was tired was because he found it to be an excellent idea to book literally the next flight.

But alas we went down to breakfast, found Rin and c/n eating and started talking about it. More so Rin and I because Kaiser and c/n were more interested in the food and actually gaining energy for the day.

Rin told me a week would be ideal. It wasn't too long but definitely not short either. He asked me what I was feeling up to and how much energy I could actually spend the first day, since rin and I's energy levels were the key factor in the first day. Kaiser and c/n were very capable of doing whatever we were feeling up to so I just told him we could walk around and shop, nothing too crazy.

In that moment I underestimated two things. C/n and myself.

Like I said, Rin and Kaiser had travelled quite a lot, meaning being in a foreign country was nothing new to them. C/n on the other hand had never been anywhere else, meaning her excitement levels were off the charts.

Paris was always full of people no matter the time of the day, especially around the shop areas. So when she saw something she deemed "coquette" she pulled me and ran in there so fast we lost both of our boyfriends.

Under normal circumstances that wouldn't have been a problem. C/n and I often separated from the group, but we could always call or run into them a while later.

This was not the case now. When c/n had had enough of that shop, I went to grab my phone from my bag so I could call Kaiser or Rin. Instead I found nothing but air and came to the horrible conclusion that Kaiser had my bag safely tucked on his shoulder. Once I calmed my nerves I looked over at c/n and asked if she had her phone on her. She nodded, reached in her pocket and tried to open it but doom impended.

0%.

Having no reaction, she reached in her phone case and pulled a 10 dollar bill, giving me a bright smile.

I don't know how I didn't slap her.

I calmly explained our situation to her. We were in a foreign country in which we didn't know the language, with no phones and with a ten dollar bill. To which her reply was "And? I don't see your point."

I took a deep breath and thought we could go back to the hotel. I was so sleep deprived the day before, the hotel's name had went completely over my head. I knew there was no chance in hell c/n remembered, so I thought it to be a very good idea to go back and wait for Rin and Kaiser.

This was when I underestimated or maybe overestimated my abilities of direction.

I think I'm an organised person generally, I have my shit together to say the least. I have a lot of good qualities, but the few bad ones I have make up for the lack of them. I am so bad in directing myself that it's not even funny. I can't go anywhere without a gps, and even if I have a gps I might still end up going the wrong way.

Being with Kaiser had made me forget about that little fact. He has a very good sense of direction, almost annoyingly so. In the few times we have gotten lost, strangely enough the times I have the gps, he has always led us to where we were supposed to be. I'm very sure he does it on purpose, the smirk he has when he gives me the gps is very telling.

So yea, I think its very obvious what happened when we tried to go back on our own.

I'm going to spare you the details of how c/n managed to spend a whole 10 dollar bill on lollipops.

It was now late afternoon and we were both exhausted. Even c/n was running on empty since the only thing we could eat or drink were samples. We were really out there pretending to be some foreign food critics just so we could get a little food.

Aside from some places treating us well under the false pretense that we were food critics, people didn't talk to us. At all.

It's so crazy how people believe they are all that when someone doesn't know their language. So what if I don't know French, learn some english you stupid bitch. We live in the 21th century, how close minded can you be?

Anyway, having that be the case, we couldn't even describe the hotel to someone. So having no phones, no way to find them and no money, i opted for the next best solution.

Go to the Eiffel tower.

It was the only thing I could do okay? Since we were completely lost, we could at least go to the main attraction, which I at least knew were it was. How? We could see it from the entirety of Paris.

It was still very difficult going there. Unfortunately there was no road which straight up lead to it, so we had to take a lot of detours. Someone even tried to sell us some stupid baguettes and berets, which c/n desperately wanted to stick around for, but with no money and no food to fuel my patience, I grabbed her hand and started walking away.

I was tired, hungry and quite honestly missed Kaiser. I was probably just delirious but the annoying smirk and cockiness he had didn't seem all that annoying. Just for that moment though!

So finally, after two hours of constant turning and walking, we had reached the Eiffel Tower.

At it's glory, c/n stated "That is such a nice place to jump off from." to which I replied "Dazai would have loved it."

And we both started laughing. Hysterically.

Truly it was such a bad joke, but the whole situation was just hilarious. Here we were, in Paris, having absolutely nothing and starving, having finished those lollipops hours before.

C/n then started crying, yelling Rin's name and saying a bunch of miss you's and where are you's.

Even I wanted to start crying. But then I saw them.

Rin and Kaiser, relief completely washing over their faces.

To be honest, I don't remember a whole lot after that. Later when I asked Kaiser and Rin about it, they gave completely different explanations, some more theatrical by the other, I'm sure you can guess whose, but I can chalk it up to this.

After they lost us they both started frantically looking for us, going from shop to shop. I find it strange how they missed us but it was probably just bad timing. When they weren't able to find us, having realised Kaiser had my phone and c/n's was out of battery, they decided to go to the Eiffel Tower. When I asked them how they were so sure we would be there Kaiser said "I knew you wouldn't be able to find the hotel and so I went somewhere I knew you would find. I still had my doubts, but I trusted that the Eiffel Tower was large enough for you to see." Rin said "it just made the most sense, the Eiffel Tower is very French so I'm sure c/n would have liked to see it."

Annoyed at Kaiser's response and happy at Rin's, they continued and told me what happened when they found us. Kaiser told me I ran in his hands crying, saying how much I missed him. But Rin told me that's what c/n did when she saw him. He said Kaiser was worried sick, constantly bugging him about how much he loves and cherishes me. When he saw me he hugged me very tightly and Rin swore he was on the verge of tears. He did tell me that I said "Kaiser... I'm hungry..." to which Kaiser got me a savory pastry, never letting me leave his hands. He also told me I teared up when I bit into it, which I can absolutely believe.

The rest of the trip definitely went a lot smoother. When c/n even insinuated that she would leave, Rin would hold her arm very tightly so she wouldn't. He even got a power bank and forced her to keep her phone charged at all times. Kaiser made sure I had money on me at all times, even slipping a hundred dollar bills in every pocket he could find. We agreed that if something similar happened, we would meet up at the Eiffel Tower, which embarrassingly enough, happened at least four more times.

After the trip Rin and Kaiser still didn't really talk to each other, but they did exchange phone numbers and texted each other once every few days. Kaiser didn't outright tell me, I had to catch him in the act, but it made me happy so I didn't tease him. Well, at least not a lot.

Hope you enjoyed!

#itoshi rin #michael kaiser #sun x moon #paris #blue lock #lost in Paris #cousin #kaiser x y/n #kaiser x reader #aged up #rin x y/n #x y/n #rin x reader

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ktmarison · 2 years

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black monday sentence starters. season one.

‘ wear this. for good luck on your interviews. ’

‘ you be sure to tell (name) that i knocked the glaze off the donut. ’

‘ want to do some cocaine ? ’

‘ i’m really surprised a ladies’ man such as yourself doesn’t know his cups. these are c’s, baby. ’

‘ i was born in a toilet and left on the stairs of a church. ’

‘ i woke up in a $1,500 a night fuck pad after a $5,000 park avenue fuck-a-thon. ’

‘ get the fuck out of my face. ’

‘ god chose me to choose you. ‘

‘ i’m gonna take us to the promise land. ’

‘ happy birthday. i know it’s the same shit every year, but what do you get the guy who has everything, right ? ’

‘ scusi ! i seem to have come down with a bad case of the first days. ’

‘ i may have picked the wrong career. ’

‘ joking’s kind of my strong suit. ’

‘ what are my weakness ? that’s a great question. i can only think of three: caring too much, working too hard, and caring too much. and i just repeated myself, so that’s four weaknesses, ‘cause that’s a repeating weakness. ’

‘ wait, now i forget, which one of you is a virgin and which one of you ain’t ever been laid before ? ’

‘ why don’t you two stop fucking each other for five minutes ? ’

‘ you’re making us late for our stand up comedy class. ’

‘ this is your thing, i don’t wanna do the talking at the same time. ’

‘ go out and buy yourself something really expensive, because we got a lot to celebrate tonight. a lot. ’

‘ between you and me, i’m kinda hot on the street. ’

‘ i’m willing to lose a million a day to prevent her from ever being employed for the rest of her natural or unnatural fucking life, whichever comes first. ’

‘ are you calling me a fucking coke head ? ’

‘ by the way, you got a chick’s name. ’

‘ are we talking house money or summer-house money ? ’

‘ remember that screenplay i wrote in college ? hear me out. what if we go to l.a.--- ‘

‘ but you know what ? we don’t need money to be happy. ’

‘ should we have sex really quick ? because i am super jazzed. ’

‘ you’re the motherfucker that ruined my life. ’

‘ shut the fuck up. you think you scare me ? my dad beat me everyday of my life until he died. ’

‘ he literally died of a heart attack while beating me. ’

‘ why do you want a shitty honda ? ’

‘ that’s a lot of blood for a little guy. ’

‘ you’re the worst trader in manhattan since the indians. ’

‘ never walk away from a dollar that makes sense. ’

‘ i’m sorry i was so hard on you today. i just. . . you know, i just want you to be okay. ’

‘ i remember when your birthday used to be just sticking a candle in some apple pie. ’

‘ thanks, dick. ’

‘ so what was the plan ? you were gonna land a big, juicy job and then run over there and propose to her ? ’

‘ if you don’t do this, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. ’

‘ you didn’t do so bad today. ’

‘ you know, nobody’s yelled at me like that since 1973. ’

‘ i would love to fuck with you. ’

‘ you know, let’s just go home. i’m beat. ’

‘ i don’t care what anybody says, okay ? al pacino’s performance in scarface was bad. ’

‘ while nancy reagan is telling everybody that aids is no big whoop, i went long on condoms because i knew that shit had legs. ’

‘ i think the word for that is i’m a fucking genius. ’

‘ i'm engaged. and also a good person. . . . that didn’t come out right. ’

‘ he is gonna smack the handsome off that kid. ’

‘ i get it. haze the new guy. just like a cappella camp. ’

‘ you call this hazing ? tell it to my frat brother next time you’re in heaven. ’

‘ hey, (name) ! i need you to suck my dick ! ’

‘ i thought we stopped having sex when i dumped your ass, but somehow you’re still fucking me. ’

‘ go cry in a stall or something, okay ? this is a place of business. ’

‘ this guy can’t even get pranked right, he’s a fucking idiot ! ’

‘ . . . but that’s insider trading. ’

‘ i didn’t even know this day could get any fucking better ! ’

‘ i mean, you could call it a dog-shit stock, or i could call your wife and tell her all about that trip you and your nanny took down to sunny bora-bortion, you remember that ? ’

‘ need ? i did not say the n-word. ’

‘ consider it my apology. ’

‘ i didn’t hate your plan. i hated that you didn’t tell me. ’

‘ yeah, they’ll fuck you, but they’re not gonna hire you. ’

‘ you need me, (name). it’s okay to say it. ’

‘ so ? that’s unethical ! but maybe the guy making holocaust jokes maybe wouldn’t understand that. ’

‘ before you judge me, marriage is a marathon. you’ll see. ’

‘ really ? that’s your fucking closer after blowing up my life ? ’

‘ how’s the jizz biz, kid ? hey, you got carpal tunnel yet ? ‘

‘ good lord, are you trying to hide behind a lamp ? ’

‘ don’t you remember when you used to be me ? uncorrupted ? ’

‘ isn’t that the kind of tortured hero shit you guys jack off to ? ’

‘ i’m as good at pulling out as mohammad ali is at boxing. ’

‘ i wanna form a father-son relationship with him so i can get close enough to stab him in the back. ’

‘ why can’t you just jerk off like a regular guy ? ’

‘ parenting is just like dating, but with no sex. ’

‘ everyone i love is dead. ’

‘ i’m not even a citizen, i think, so. . . ’

‘ the guy’s unhinged, i walked in the other day to him masturbating to hockey’s hardest hits volume three. ’

‘ i should be more like you: bitchy. ’

‘ i look forward to seeing you all day long tomorrow. you and me, holding hands, watching our boy become a bar mitzvah. ’

‘ you aren’t the other man. you are the only man, okay ? ’

‘ i hate when you call them mom and dad. it feels incesty. ’

‘ this is the hottest ticket in town, and we got killer seats. ’

‘ i never even open a menu. i just order the most expensive shit, you know ? keeps it exciting. ’

‘ i prefer my ground beef cooked and with cheese and on a bun. ’

‘ i’m from a town with one restaurant. this world, it’s very overwhelming to me. ’

‘ i kind of grew up like you, you know ? but instead of one restaurant, i had no parents. ’

‘ i wanna share everything with you: a place in chelsea, a portmanteau. ’

‘ don’t you want to be happy ? ’

‘ i am happy. i fucking love my family. what, do you want me to leave them for you ? for sex ? ’

‘ i’ll give you something to blow on. ’

‘ of course i know dolly parton, who do you think bought her those cans ? . . . i’m joking, god did. ’

‘ don’t throw the whole baby out with the bathwater. ’

‘ real money is honest money, okay ? ’

‘ i don’t get it. you just said you were proud of me. ’

‘ don’t bring your mother’s porn into this. ’

‘ most of the time, i just walk around that office feeling like one of those chickens my dad used to make me cut the head off of. ’

‘ should i try some ? ’

‘ you don’t know what i can handle. ’

‘ i feel more successful already. ’

‘ the moon is so much brighter when you’re on cocaine. ’

‘ have you ever had sex with a guy with a huge promotion ? ’

‘ i would rather fuck my father. my mom too. ’

‘ you listen to me, (name). you’re going to prison. maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, and probably for the rest of your life. and i’m not going to let you take me and our beautiful family down with you. ’

‘ i’d know those legs anywhere. ’

‘ you are the only person in my life that i can’t live without. ’

‘ this might be the cocaine talking, but can we get some more cocaine ? ’

‘ is this a child wedding ? ’

‘ i’m not getting a real ‘i’ve made a huge mistake and i’m rushing back to my fiance’ vibe off him. ’

‘ he’s just making cash for the first time. i mean, you remember the moneymoon phase. ’

‘ he’ll get sick of this shit. ’

‘ it’s like when they caught me smoking. they locked me in the closet, they made me smoke a whole carton of cigarettes until i didn’t want another cigarette as long as i live. ’

‘ fuck that bitch. ’

‘ the guy will do anything for a buck. ’

‘ let’s just talk to the kid about the power of love. ’

‘ it’s so weird calling a chick a boss. it’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me. ’

‘ is it me, or is he getting weirder ? ’

‘ it’s so cool you live in a hotel. you’re like eloise. ’

‘ how are you ? i can’t imagine how hard it must be to be apart from the love of your life. ’

‘ sometimes it’s brave to be alone. instead of, you know, settling for the first lame-ass doctor that you lay eyes on that satisfies your parents but not you. ’

‘ and word on the street ? this guy is hung like a hose. '

‘ i mean, i know i broke up with her, but i didn’t expect this this soon. ’

‘ hey, bring us a bottle of wine, yeah ? ’

‘ i thought we were gonna get busy. ’

‘ i’m so full, i can hardly move. but you can do stuff to me if you’d like. ’

‘ maybe i’d loosen up if we’d have sex again. yeah, then we can clean up all the laundry that we knocked over when we had sex in the hall. ’

‘ how’d she meet someone so fast ? ’

‘ it’s a sit-com that takes place in a nazi concentration camp. ’

‘ you look incredible ! ’

‘ i haven’t acted since college. and the upenn gezette called my performance as otto frank the worst thing to happen to anne frank. ’

‘ hey, honey. listen, i’m not comin’ home. but i wanna let you know i’ve never loved anyone as much as i loved your sister. ’

‘ you were right, i fucked your sister ! ’

‘ was it just me or was that movie about racism really, really racist ? ’

‘ i just wanted to say you’re a piece of shit and i’ve always hated you. ’

‘ i know it didn’t work, but honeypot or not, i had a really great time tonight. ’

‘ i don’t want things to be awkward between us, (name), and i’m hoping that eventually you and i could be friends. ’

‘ for once in my life, i need to focus on myself. ’

‘ tell me that you just brought (name) here to make me jealous. ’

‘ oh my god, she’s so hot. a part of me didn’t know whether i should be jealous of her or of you.’

‘ i didn’t want to disappoint you, and honestly sometimes you can be a bit scary. ’

‘ that was a long time ago. and remember ? i’m kinda married. ’

‘ this thing’s bad luck. ever since i put it on you, it’s kicked off a series of disastrous events, okay ? this thing is cursed. ’

‘ now i see where this guy gets his fashion sense from. ’

‘ i feel like i’m lucy, you know, and the football ? or. . . maybe i’m charlie brown. i don’t know. or maybe i’m the football. ’

‘ this is supposed to be one of the most romantic spots in the city. ’

‘ show us your tits ! ’

‘ she’s got me on a strict wedding diet of maltodextrin, carrageenan, and phosphates. ’

‘ was it just me or was that meeting really odd ? ’

‘ it sucks. i mean, soon we’re not even gonna be able to flirt. ’

‘ it was just a drunken accident. just like my little brother. ’

‘ you kissed your brother too ? ’

‘ my parents thought they were done having kids, and then they were using the rhythm method and somebody got off beat. ’

‘ is that what i think it is ? i’m legitimately asking that question because i did not understand that. ’

‘ what are you chicks squealing about ? ’

‘ this guy is like the willy wonka of money ! ’

‘ he’s getting a pube to big for his briefs and i know just the guy to take him down. ’

‘ listen up, motherfuckers ! i am your god now ! ’

‘ this weekend is not about work, okay ? ’

‘ pick a menu. any menu. or we could live dangerously and play a little take out roulette. ’

‘ have fun, enjoy yourself ! try not to die ! ’

‘ he was a leo, i’m a cancer, so we were incompatible. ’

‘ i know how women work. i know women stuff, i have amazing women’s intuition. ’

‘ why do you let them bully you ? ’

‘ i know you don’t have a lot of work experience, but there is a chain of command that needs to be respected. ’

‘ and then afterwards, we’re gonna go home, and i’m gonna twist you into a hot pretzel and inject you with my nacho ch--- i’m sorry. ’

‘ i can’t stand these evil twinkies. ’

‘ the only reason we’re here is because they need a sucker. ’

‘ trust me. they are going to fuck us, okay ? ’

' i don’t know how they do their milk here, but i love it. ’

‘ he hates you, you hate him. i hate that i love your outfits. ’

‘ look, the only thing that he has ever been right about is that we would never do a deal that doesn’t fuck him like a brother. ’

‘ our reservation was an hour ago. ’

‘ i’m going to count to three. one. . . two. . . oh my god, you are fucked. two and a half ! ’

‘ so, good news, bad news. um, i finally got rid of that tie you hated, but it kind of broke the shredder in the process. ’

‘ i’m sorry i ruined our weekend. ’

‘ (name), i am obsessed with you. ’

‘ from now on, no one’s pushing me around. except for you. you can push my ass around. ’

‘ you’re a smart woman, which we would normally find repulsive, but we’d be willing to overlook that for money. ’

‘ six months, tops. he’ll be broke, in jail, dead, or all three. ’

‘ i mean, it should be the rush of my life, right ? but i’m. . . i’m distracted. i keep losing focus. ’

‘ i lived my whole life like that. money over everything and everyone. and look where i am now. ’

‘ are you telling me that after all these years, now you’re saying that money doesn’t matter, that it’s all about love ? ‘

‘ you’re dumb. that’s it, i just figured it out: you’re fucking dumb. ’

‘ everything i am, was, will be is about money. ’

‘ no one gives a shit about you. except yourself. ’

‘ you know what you can do ? get us a case of whiskey older than i am. you and i will drink this pathetic bitch out of your head. ’

‘ that was cool. you just touched me and you meant it. i love that. ’

‘ tell me the truth. i’m the first visitor he’s had in months, right ? ‘

‘ you’re my partner, and i’m sorry if i haven’t always treated you that way. you deserve better. ’

‘ i trust you and i hope someday you’ll be able to trust me again. ’

‘ your days of bullying me for no reason are over, alright ? ’

‘ i don’t want to use that information against you, but if you don’t stop fucking with me, i will tell everyone, and i’ll start with your family. maybe your kids first. ’

‘ that’s fucking rich, coming from you. ’

‘ when you didn’t show up, it just reminded me of all the times you let me down, and so i got drunk and stupid. ’

‘ how the fuck could you be so fucking stupid ? ’

‘ oh my god, that’s a dead body ! what the fuck did you do ? ’

‘ i'm so overwhelmed. i mean, we don’t even have a honeymoon spot. ’

‘ well, i’ve only been on a plane twice, so they all sound exciting. ’

‘ i want a honeymoon place that is so exotic and so special that none of my friends have been there, like a country that’s just been overthrown. ’

‘ favorite colors can change. from now on, mine is. . . gunmetal gray. or camo. ’

‘ i haven’t eaten in four days, but you know what ? i’m gonna make an exception for tonight. ’

‘ oh mama, i’m gonna force myself on that fucking cake. ’

‘ that’s a scary way to phrase that. ’

‘ you’re a gay. it’s so obvious. ’

‘ uh, it’s not obvious to me ! ’

‘ it’s pronounced uruguay. ’

‘ hey, listen, speaking of using condoms, what do you say we. . . stop using condoms ? ’

‘ i’m sorry i get all weird about this stuff. ’

‘ i’m so ready. i’m gonna call my mom. ’

‘ hold on, i know i’m cute, but i’m still a he. ’

‘ what am i ? a fucking teacher ? ’

‘ what is this, open mic night ? shut the fuck up. ’

‘ you were right. picking stocks is a lot easier when you already know what’s gonna happen. ’

‘ what the fuck has been up with you ? you’ve just--- you’ve been, uh, nice. ’

‘ suck my dick. . . oh, and that’s a figure of speech, not an invitation. ’

‘ i hope you’re right, because trust me, you don’t wanna be me. ’

‘ i’m so excited for our family road trip ! in just six short hours, we’ll be making smores and memories. ’

‘ i’m a serial killer ? you’re drinking a blizzard next to a fucking dead person. ’

‘ are you okay ? i mean, you didn’t even dump any fruit punch in that vodka. ’

‘ at first i thought you said something that made me wanna stab you. ’

‘ or, we skip your place just come back to my place, and have some gay sex. ’

‘ why don’t you shut your faces, you fucking whores ? ’

‘ you’re so smart and so together, and i trust you more than i trust myself right now. ’

‘ while you’ve been in here getting shit-faced, our reputation’s out there, getting butt-fucked in front of a live studio audience. ’

‘ i’m bad at parties. ’

‘ i tried everything to make this work because i love you. ’

‘ do you even want to get married ? huh ? ’

‘ payback’s a bitch, and i’m the son of one. ’

‘ you’re a winter, not a spring. ’

‘ oh my god, did you pierce your ear with your tie pin ? ’

‘ i’m really confused right now. ’

‘ a little white lie never hurt anybody. ’

‘ is nair supposed to burn my eyes from this distance ? ‘

‘ every newlywed’s parents buy them an apartment. duh. ’

‘ the only thing you should work on is letting yourself be happy. ’

‘ if you agree with all that, blink. ’

‘ we all have our hobbies. mine is astronomy, yours is lying to me. ’

‘ in what world is it okay to kidnap someone ? ’

‘ well, i’m sorry that i have a policy about never apologizing to white people. ’

‘ i hope you like your nothing burger with nothing on it, because this ? is nothing. ’

‘ no white dicks for me after labor day. ’

‘ call me ma’am again. i want you to. ’

‘ it’s not a fucking prank, okay ? ’

‘ please do not shoot my dumbass friend. ’

‘ come on, you got to try to sell that punch better. ’

‘ god’s a funny fuck, isn’t he ? ’

‘ oh my god, i guess that is super fucked up. ’

‘ we cheated death ! . . .what do we do now ? ’

‘ not to mention he was out all night with some prostitute, probably. ’

‘ haven’t you ever fallen out of love, (name) ? you know, you keep holding on, hoping to get that feeling back, but the tighter you grip it, the further away it gets. and then one day you wake up, and you’re two totally different people, and you wonder how you even got together in the first place. ’

‘ why are you so invested in my relationship ? ’

‘ when i said we were friends, that was true, i meant that, but the truth is, i’ve been playing you, kid. ’

‘ you’re gonna break her heart anyway. i mean, why not give her the wedding of her dreams first ? ’

‘ fuck you. i’m gonna tell (name) everything. ’

‘ she’s probably gonna die. ’

‘ i hate to ask this, but could (name) have done this ? ’

‘ he is crazy, but what would make you think he would kidnap a person ? ’

‘ are you okay ? i--- i wanna get into all of this with you. ’

‘ what do i tell the police when they ask me about him ? ’

‘ the police will think i’m involved because who would believe i had no clue for months ? i can’t go to prison. ’

‘ you can stay strong for nine hours, can’t you ? ’

‘ i don’t want to marry her, but that doesn’t mean i want her ripped into chunks. ’

‘ what’d you do, you crazy fuck ? ! ’

‘ i ain’t just talking the talk. you hear me ? ’

‘ extra, extra ! no one gives a shit about black folks ! ’

‘ i’m (name), and people call me. but only if they’re very lucky. ’

‘ (name) is a fighter. just ask the last delivery driver who forgot our duck sauce. ’

‘ what’s the age cut off for that milk carton thingy ? ’

‘ it could just be a classic new york snatch, kill, chop, and dump. ’

‘ don’t you have any clues other than bitch boy here�� ? ’

‘ let me just say, on the record, ew. ’

‘ i’m not sure a square like you could handle it. ’

‘ we were out partying last night and we got into this debate about who has the biggest balls on the street, which led to a dick-measuring contest, which led to a pissing contest, which led to a sword fight, which led to a cockfight, which led to me being up six grand. ’

‘ i have a charades party to get to, but i can’t until you start talking. ’

‘ i suppose (name) does have an undeniable raw sexuality, but i don’t know what that has to do with this. ’

‘ this is madness. the whole world’s gone upside-down and your solution is to make upside-down cake ? ’

‘ we couldn’t have gotten through this without money. ’

‘ no press is bad press. ’

‘ jesus. i guess i deserve that on some level, but jesus. ’

‘ can i get back to paying my respects ? ’

‘ did we kill that bottle ? ’

‘ i genuinely like the kid. i mean, we almost died together. that’s gotta count for something. ’

‘ he wasn’t gonna marry (name) because. . . well, because he’s in love with me. and i think that i am falling for him too. ’

' they say he wants my money, but he won't get shit. '

‘ can i get your autograph ? '

‘ i’m not afraid of love. i’m not ! ’

‘ i was gonna propose, okay ? i had the goddamn ring and everything. ’

' you want me to sign a prenup ? '

‘ if you wanna go, we can go. ’

‘ they don’t always leave with the ones they came in with. ’

‘ you’d have to be one dumb hick fuck to be messing around with your girlfriend when you’re about to marry someone else. ’

‘ fuck ‘em all. ’

‘ it doesn’t fucking matter ! ’

‘ you got some balls ? you fucking prove it ! ’

‘ he has treated you like a son ! sure, in the way that dads are super cold to their sons to try to get them to stop acting like such pussies, but still. '

‘ i’m pretty sure this wedding is fucked anyways. ’

‘ i think this wedding has been fucked for a long time. ’

‘ my plan did not involve you fucking him. ’

‘ thank god i didn’t propose to you. ’

‘ i should’ve known. maybe i sort of did. ’

‘ you are the smartest person i’ve ever known. ’

‘ i know this is a shame wedding, but i have been dreaming about this day since i was a little girl, so please, just give me this. ’

‘ are they dancing to the national anthem ? ’

‘ do republicans hate america ? because this is like a dance version of burning the flag. ’

‘ shut the fuck up. you know the saying isn’t an endless stream of bullshit and bad puns is the soul of wit, right ? ’

‘ you don’t wanna be my friend, don’t be my friend. who cares ? ’

‘ i knew you were full of shit, but i didn’t think you were all shit. ’

‘ wow. you really have crossed all the way over to the dark side. ’

‘ i learned it by watching you, dad. ’

‘ part of me wants to give you a big old hug. a bigger part of me wants to beat the dog shit out of you in front of all your friends and fake family. ’

‘ that’s cute, but this isn’t a negotiation. ’

‘ now if you’ll excuse me, i have to go do the fucking hokey-pokey. ’

‘ you’re a selfish piece of shit. ’

‘ i mean, this marriage has always been bullshit on some level anyway. ’

‘ just like theatre camp, i’m always getting fucked by gay guys. ’

‘ duh, (name)’s gay. my hubby likes chubby. ’

‘ these mind games that you’re pulling ? it’s getting sad. ’

‘ wanna commit a murder ? let’s do it, i’m in. ’

‘ yeah, of course (name)’s gay. i thought everyone knew that. ’

‘ maybe we just have better gay radar than you. ’

‘ i’m back, baby ! i gotta do some coke. ’

‘ why is he dating me ? ’

‘ i swear i’m gonna kill that motherfucker. ’

‘ now, i know i’ve been shitty to you in the past, and the recent past, and this morning, but it’s gotta be you and me now, okay ? together. ’

‘ how could i forget you ? you’re my first. and my wife. ’

‘ it’s okay to be confused. ’

‘ i do love you. ’

‘ oh, i need to say it too ? i thought it was implied. ’

‘ (name) was feeling all lovey dovey, you know ? kissing my neck and feeling me up, grabbing my--- ’

‘ i had to pretend i found a lump just so i could get out of there without punching him in his lying-ass face. ’

‘ i can’t believe that you didn’t know he was gay. ’

‘ you dated a girl for an entire year without realizing she was deaf ! ’

‘ can you believe it ? we got him trapped in a classic catch-69. ’

‘ i would have never got here without you. i can’t think of anybody i’d rather to celebrate with. ’

‘ if i don’t show, you better call the fucking morgue. ’

‘ it’s over, (name). you can never fix this. ’

‘ (name) is a piece of shit. and he’s not your friend. ’

‘ what has he ever done for you ? ’

‘ i gotta tell you, it’s been amazing to watch your evolution from punk-ass bitch to cold-ass mofo. ’

‘ wakey wakey, you fucking lightweight. ’

‘ you’re dead. welcome to hell ! ’

‘ i cried for the first time since reagan got shot and didn’t die. ’

‘ let’s all party until we die ! ’

‘ can i talk to you in private ? ’

‘ i’ll try anything twice. ’

‘ i’m worried about you, (name). talk to me. i got a feeling i’m the only person you can talk to about this. ’

‘ it’s like when i first got to the city, i kept seeing these ads for the mcdonald’s mcrib. do you know that thing ? it’s like a rack of ribs on a bun, except it’s not. it’s something called restructured meat product, and they pressurize it into the shape of ribs, bones and all. it doesn’t make sense. the bones aren’t real. and i guess sometimes that’s... that’s how i feel. like i’ve been pressed into this shape that doesn’t make sense to me. ’

‘ i don’t know what i feel. but i feel it in my bones. ’

‘ that’s whats so great about new york. you can be who you are. and you’ll figure out who that is. ’

‘ should we order some ribs ? ’

‘ i can’t believe how fucked everyone is. ’

‘ i know you knew, you’re too smart not too. ’

‘ for someone so smart, you have a real blind spot for (name). ’

‘ he acts like the only reason you got anywhere is because you slept with him. ’

‘ i’m not a fucking pussy anymore. ’

‘ i deserved it from him, but from you ? jesus christ, how could you do this shit ? what a punk move. ’

‘ let me get my camcorder, ‘cause i love it when mommy and daddy fight. ’

‘ i mean, what’s 100 mill when you can make two ? ’

‘ just having a bit of an out-of-money experience. ’

‘ you guys have any fucking idea what you’ve done ? ’

‘ people are gonna lose their fucking houses. their jobs. their livelihoods. their fucking everything. ’

’ you just broke the fucking world. ’

‘ i think you’re exaggerating. ’

‘ nobody screws us but us. ’

‘ i mean, all siblings take baths together. ’

‘ you always said that if i wanted something from you, i had to take it. ’

‘ i love you. but you know that already. so what is there even left to say ? ’

‘ nothing about you is real. you are all bullshit. ’

‘ i don’t know what to believe. ’

‘ you think i came here for your pathetic fucking birthday ? ’

‘ goddamn it, kid, you’re embarrassing yourself. ’

‘ you’re not my son. if you were my son, you wouldn’t have fucked up like this. ’

‘ i haven’t felt this close to you since we ate our brother in the womb. ’

‘ i know you think you lost everything, but you haven’t. ’

‘ you’re the only one in this room full of fucking snakes that never fucked me over. ’

‘ it turns out your the best friend i got in the world. jesus christ, i love you, man. ’

‘ fuck me ? fuck you ! ’

‘ it was a little bumpy, but i think we stuck the landing. ’

#black monday rp #rp memes #rp sentence prompts #rp sentence meme #sentence starters #rp sentence starters #sentence starter memes #meme #ask meme #roleplay meme #askbox #ask sentence meme

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gorey · 9 months

Text

been randomly tweeting about this on zero sleep but reformatting in better detail for tumblr bc oh my gd I forgot about just how fucked up a part of 2018 was for us in an incredibly short span of time

- been 18 for a month, flagrantly abusing prescription ketamine, at our wits' end

- finally run out of ket when the use overtook the refill schedule, have a really vulnerable moment on video call with some summer camp friends

- literally the next day. walk over to the local garden store, get hired for the landscaping crew as a stealth transmasc binding full time we're talking manual labor 8 hours a day in the boiling sun in the titty squisher Plus we're weak as shit Plus we get in trouble for asking to use a client's bathroom bc we can't disclose that we don't have the parts required to piss in an empty Gatorade bottle. This lasts less than a week.

- break up with our long term partner, kiss best friend who is dating other best friend (who I'd had much stronger feelings for for a long time) (they both hate me now and we don't speak but that falling out didn't happen until several years after all this), try to like. get in a polycule with the two of them but I'm still talking to my ex and we get back together almost immediately on the condition that they get therapy (they never did) bc they started showing the bare minimum signs of actually loving me and I was of weak constitution

- after the landscaping crew I manage to worm my way into freelancing as a landscaper clearing the back lot of a local bakery (free fine pastries and coffee a massive perk) (also shoutout to the dude who would come by and harvest bamboo to make canes with, he helped me figure out how to work more efficiently).

- have massive sexuality crisis (false flag, was identifying as bi decided I was gay now I realize I'm bi I just had a lot of Girl Trauma from my other shitty ex) while working the lot just wandering around in a stupor imagining really unpleasant scenarios. I bought some really weird camel cigs that I've never had before or since they were tiny and odd tasting

- injure myself and never go back to work bc now it's time for my top surgery

Fast forward a few months I, titless, have moved in with the person I failed to break up with to escape my demented abusive father who had moved back in from an old folks home earlier that year to cut costs, get an awful awful job at chipotle, dive right back into my ketamine abuse now with even greater weed access for a truly mindbending experience, didn't need to pay rent bc my partner (now Actually my ex but not til several years after this) has RICH and ABUSIVE parents that were disappointed in their performance at college so they literally BOUGHT A HOUSE, made it be in my partner's name and had them play landlord for 2 chill friends and 1 absolute asshole all engineering/compsci students who would buy 4-aco-dmt on the gray net and built all kinds of weird fucking shit and art installations and one of them (the one who only ever consumed soylent) got a tarantula named APPLEBEES bc my partner as the fucking homeowner (vomit emoji) had naming rights for any bug introduced in their vicinity. Partner's deeply suicidal plans on dying after they graduate (fortunately didn't happen) I am utterly powerless in the face of this I'm being emotionally neglected and working myself to the bone but it was like one of the best eras of my life bc I got to get obscenely high and wander in the woods or just sit in the kitchen with the rave lights going listening to Blood Orange

[PRIEST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CONFESSION BOOTH RIPS A FAT VAPE HIT]

#this completely got away from me but like #our life? has been fucking batshit #a #s #its victor hi

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caswellseyes · 2 years

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Hiiii! 12 from the autumn prompts for whatever found family group you want?

hi!! tysm for this one, it was so fun to write! i went with sunset curve + willie cause i thought they'd be both cute and chaotic, which is my favourite thing hehe. also i'm very european and don't celebrate thanksgiving so all the dishes etc are based on one google search and one google search only lmao. anyway this is set in some sort of modern day au wherein sunset curve rehearses in bobby’s garage and the molina’s don’t own that house. enjoy!

12. All of us have shitty families so we’re doing Friendsgiving instead

“Bobby, can we make cranberry sauce?”

Bobby turns around, bringing the shopping cart he’s pushing to a halt. Reggie stands in front of him, crouched near a few boxes of cranberries.

They’re in the supermarket, doing some last-minute Thanksgiving shopping. Honestly, Bobby hadn’t planned on celebrating this year - his parents are absent, as usual, so it’s not like he could’ve celebrated with them - but when all three of his best friends mentioned crashing in the garage over the holiday, those plans had changed.

“I don’t know,” Bobby says, frowning. “Are you supposed to make that or buy it in a can or something?”

Reggie shrugs his shoulders, already digging out his phone to look it up. Bobby takes a moment to check his own. He has three more texts from Luke requesting extra dinner rolls - he sends a picture of the two packs in the cart and immediately receives a bunch of exclamation points - and a voice message from Alex.

“Hey, Bobbers,” Alex says when Bobby presses play. “So, uh, I just took the turkey out of the oven to rub the spicy butter stuff on it, which was gross, and it was still kind of cold? But it’s been in there for ages, so I don’t think it should be cold anymore? And then I asked Luke and he said the oven might be broken but it doesn’t look broken so I just put the turkey back in there and turned the temperature up just in case. Don’t worry, I put the fire extinguisher in the kitchen in case anything goes wrong.”

Alex pauses for a second, listening to someone in the room. There’s a muffled conversation before Alex continues the recording.

“Oh, also,” he says, clearly aiming for casual but not quite succeeding, “uh, Willie might be here? If that’s cool? It’s just that they didn’t have plans either cause Caleb is only doing this super fancy adult dinner and that sounds terrible and also boring so Luke and I thought they could join us, but obviously if you and Reg don’t want that then that’s fine too, but. Yeah. I’m gonna check on the turkey again.”

Bobby smiles to himself as the recording ends. He quickly texts Alex back that yes, of course Willie can stay, and that the oven acts up a little sometimes but if the turkey doesn’t turn out, they’ll have plenty of other food. Then, for good measure, he texts Willie to let them know they’re welcome as well.

“I think we make it ourselves,” Reggie says, dropping the package of cranberries in the cart. “We just need some orange juice and sugar.”

Bobby nods and adds the ingredients to the grocery list on his phone.

“So that’s green beans, corn, pumpkin pie, sugar, and orange juice,” he says. He pushes the cart forward again, Reggie keeping pace next to him. “Also, Willie is joining us.”

“Nice,” Reggie says, beaming widely. “I’ve been meaning to talk to them about that raccoon dream I had so they can interpret it for me.”

Bobby mulls that statement over for a second and then decides he doesn’t need to know. Instead, he steers them toward the green beans and leaves Reggie to pick out some good ones while he gets the corn.

They rush through the rest of the list, both eager to get home. Thankfully, both the store and the streets are fairly empty and they make it back to Bobby’s place in no time.

“Hey, Alex,” Bobby says, dropping a heavy bag of groceries in the kitchen. “How’s the turkey?”

Alex groans from the floor. He’s sitting against the kitchen island, legs stretched out and touching the cabinets underneath the oven. He’s glaring at the oven and the turkey in it intensely.

“I’m pretty sure it’s still frozen,” he tells Bobby. “But the mashed potatoes are pretty good.”

“Nice.” Bobby tosses the green beans onto the counter and puts the orange juice in the fridge. “When’s Willie getting here?”

“In a little bit,” Alex says. He pushes himself upright and takes the corn from Bobby. “They said they had something to do first.”

Reggie barges into the kitchen with the rest of the groceries. The dinner rolls - three packs, since they now had an extra person coming - are balanced on top of the bag he’s carrying.

“Hey, ‘Lex, wanna help me make cranberry sauce?”

Alex turns to Bobby and pulls a face. Bobby shrugs. Clearly, they’re on the same end of the cranberry sauce-hating spectrum, but Bobby is fairly sure they’re also both committed to doing whatever their bandmates want to make this a good Thanksgiving, so he’s not at all surprised when Alex turns back to Reggie and helps him unload the groceries, already talking about the kitchen utensils they need.

Bobby sneaks a bite of mashed potatoes and rushes out of the kitchen before Alex can stop him.

“These are really good,” he yells, already halfway out the door. Alex’s outraged cry follows him all the way to the garage.

“Bobby!” Luke calls out as soon as Bobby walks in. “Awesome, can you toss me those streamers?”

Luke is standing in the loft. Clearly, he’s trying to hang up streamers between the loft and the wall on the other side, but they keep falling down.

Bobby obediently picks up the streamers and tosses one end to Luke. It falls down the first time, but the second time, Luke catches them. While he fastens them on the loft railing, Bobby climbs on a chair and ties the other end around a little hook in the wall.

He steps back to examine their work and frowns.

“Luke, these say ‘Happy Birthday’.”

Luke bounces up to him. He shrugs.

“Well, you said to decorate the garage, and we don’t really have any Thanksgiving decorations, so I figured I’d just use a bunch of other stuff.”

Bobby looks around. True to his word, Luke had indeed used a whole lot of decorations. There are Valentine's Day balloons everywhere and an Easter tablecloth covers the table they dragged out here. The centrepiece on the table is a plastic Halloween pumpkin filled with confetti and a snowflake curtain from last Christmas hangs in front of the door.

It’s a mess. Bobby loves it.

He tells Luke as much, clapping him on the shoulder. Luke beams with pride.

Together, they make quick work of setting everything else up. They bring plates and cutlery from the house into the garage and set the table, keeping plenty of space free for the dishes. Then, once Alex and Reggie deem the food ready, they carry those in.

By the time Willie skateboards up to the house, clutching a paper bag, the only thing that isn’t done yet is the turkey. All four members of Sunset Curve are leaning over it, examining it as if it’ll magically be cooked.

“I don’t get it,” Alex says for the fortieth time, “I followed all of the instructions, and I put the butter stuff on it so often even though it felt really gross, and it’s still cold.”

“Maybe it’s meant to be cold?” Reggie suggests. “I mean, it always looks cold in the movies. I’ve never had Thanksgiving turkey before.”

Luke reaches out and pokes the turkey.

“No, I think this is just still a little frozen,” he says.

Bobby sighs. The turkey hadn’t defrosted for nearly as long as it should’ve. They’d all agreed initially that that shouldn’t matter too much, but combined with the shitty oven in Bobby’s kitchen, it had turned out to be a bit of an issue.

“I think we just waited too long to take it out of the freezer,” Bobby says. He nudges Alex’s shoulder. “Good thing we have those amazing mashed potatoes. We won’t even need turkey.”

“Oh, the potatoes,” Reggie says dreamily. “‘Lex, is Willie here yet? I really want to eat the potatoes.”

“I’m here,” Willie’s voice says from the doorway. As one, Sunset Curve turns around to face them.

Willie waves awkwardly, one hand holding the paper bag.

“Hi,” they say. At Alex’s motion, they move into the kitchen, quickly kissing him before turning towards the turkey.

“That does look a little frozen,” they say. “It’s okay, though. I brought chicken nuggets.”

“You brought what?” Bobby asks, not sure if he heard that properly. When Willie puts the bag down and unpacks two large takeout containers, both filled to the brim with chicken nuggets, it turns out that he did.

“Well, Alex called me about the turkey,” Willie explains, “and that everyone was helping get stuff ready, so. This is my stuff. Oh, and the bottom box has veggie nuggets instead, for Bobby.”

“You brought backup poultry?” Alex asks, a little amazed, “and vegetarian stuff?”

“Yep.” Willie says with a grin.

Luke and Reggie eye each other. Slowly, both of their hands glide towards the nuggets. Bobby slaps both of them away.

“Not till we’re sitting down,” he says sternly. Next to him, Alex has drawn Willie into another kiss.

“Dudes,” Luke says, causing Willie and Alex to break apart, “let’s go eat!”

Together, they file into the garage, placing Willie’s chicken nuggets in the middle of the table.

They sit down, pouring drinks for each other and passing dishes around. Bobby fills his plate with a generous helping of mashed potatoes and a bunch of green beans. The first pack of dinner rolls is already empty, so he breaks into the second before pouring gravy onto his plate.

When he’s ready to eat, he looks around at his friends. Luke’s plate is piled high with dinner rolls and Reggie has half the bowl of cranberry sauce on his. Alex has a little bit of everything, while Willie seems focused on the corn.

It’s not the lonely evening any of them thought this holiday would be. Instead, they’re all together, enjoying a good dinner with friends.

“Bobby, did you want to say something?” Alex asks.

Bobby shakes his head.

“Nothing. Just - Happy Friendsgiving, everyone.”

Reggie raises his glass, the others quick to follow suit.

“Happy Friendsgiving,” they chorus, clinking their glasses together.

Yeah, Bobby hadn’t planned on celebrating Thanksgiving this year.

He’s really glad he did, though.

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #bobby shaw #reggie peters #alex mercer #luke patterson #willie jatp #willex #michelle does things #michelle answers #things i learned for this: most cranberry sauce recipes use orange juice #i just #orange juice? really?#idk why that surprises me so much but wow i did not see that coming #am also very confused by people just. heating up corn? i only eat that cold and in salads?#food is weird #really craving some mashed potatoes now though #also chicken nuggets

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tetsvhoe · 10 months

Text

HAIKYUU CHARACTERS AS MY BEST FRIENDS

gwen’s notes: crumbs of obviously unfinished drafts rotting away in my drafts which i js wanted to put out there lol

sends sentimental tiktoks and says "i'm not good with words, and i don't know how to comfort you sometimes, but i'm here if you need me."

SUNA, kenma, kageyama, tsukishima, ushijima, AONE, SAKUSA, kita

picks my next hair color.

atsumu, TERUSHIMA, TENDOU, nishinoya

left his friends on a night out to drive me home because i got too drunk and hyperventilated lmao.

OSAMU, daichi, iwaizumi will scold you in a corner and force you to drink a bottle of water at once

drove an hour to my house at midnight to "borrow a lighter", but then admits he was there to comfort me about my exams which i failed gloriously.

KUROO, atsumu, iwaizumi

watched over me while i got drunk by myself when i had relationship problems and listened to me rant and cry for two hours. proceeded to let me ride a fucking bicycle on the way home and laughed his ass off when i almost fell into a hole.

yamaguchi, LEV, hanamaki, SUGAWARA

calls me when we have class and i haven't been answering any of their messages.

akaashi, goshiki

puts tw on my ex.

hinata, asahi

gives me answers to exams, without fail, and got me through all of second year.

kuroo, terushima, ARAN gives the answers and teaches you the lesson afterwards

brought his dog to be play mates with mine and took them to a park.

IWAIZUMI, kindaichi

is best friends with my mom.

kuroo, ATSUMU, kunimi

buys random shit for me, my sister, my mom, and my dog. tells me "you have a delivery arriving today," out of the fucking blue.

kenma, bokuto, MATSUKAWA buys stupid shit like a bong or a dick plushie

shows me their art or literary pieces which they rarely show to other people.

akaashi, aone, SEMI

sends me posts about zodiac signs and astrology and points out our signs.

???

pings me on dc and asks me to watch him stream while i do my own thing, even though i don't understand a thing. occasionally explains and tells me to build a pc so we could play.

???

carries my ass on genshin every damn time.

???

squared up on the street because he saw someone who looked like me and my shitty ex.

oikawa, TANAKA, futakuchi

gave me their premium netflix, viu, spotify, because they know i buy bootleg ones on ig and i always lose them.

KENMA, sakusa, yaku

#—out of spite; gwen

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dirtbag-linecook-kyloren · 1 year

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I just found your diner AU? (Sorry not sure what it's called) but it's amazing. I'm invested in stressed out student Hux and grumpy line cook Ren/Ben. Please tell me is Rey is the owner who inherited the diner from Luke or Leia, are finn and poe general managers, what's phasma's roll? Is Rose their maintenance or HR person? And is there more to read? Thanks.

(The fic tag on my blog for this is Hands off Hands out, because that's what we say when we finish an order, and then when we need servers to get it out of the window. Hands off we don't say much, but it can be helpful, but Hands out is probably said seventy times an hour at lunch, because something about lunch makes servers lazy about running food, especially when no one is on window and Expo is trying to do both jobs)

HELLO I NOW WISH IT HAD BEEN A DINER

i have worked in a lot of restaurants but the first one was called broadway diner in Missouri where I went to school, dropped out, and turned to the food service industry so i didn't have to move back home. It had seven booths and a ten seat counter and I was a sassy waitress it was great. During a hippie film festival one year I rented a sailor costume from a local shop and we had a special small menu and it WAS the peak of my serving career I was so cute. I have the diner acumen I could have done this gdi

BUT, this is definitely a steak house based off the one I work at now. We have an open kitchen, because the restaurant was founded when those were cool, and the whole thing is build around a wood fire grill at one end that honestly? It's so hot but does cook a very cool burger and we get to keep a shopping cart full of wood that we 100% stole from a walmart around. (It used to be a costco cart but those are too big, it was taking up to much space. I have never asked how we got the walmart cart here, as the nearest walmart is a mile away, while we're right next to a costco)

Our line is one section, and then theres a dividing wall, and right behind it is the prep area, or true back of house, as it were. there are technically two kitchen doors, but I've deciding that clarifying which one their going through at any time would be more confusing than just trusting the reader to go with me on this journey. The dish pit is off one, as is the server alley, and the management office and back door is off of the other. The only cues will be context or something

BUT, time for the actually back story. Leia Organa is the anakin, an anthony bourdain-esque figure who was not great to his wife and died of an overdose because the industry is rife with substance problems. this likely wont be covered in the fic, but it's fun backstory. She, having learned to love the industry but also learning from her father's mistakes, started opening restaurants and not doing drugs, and she eventually hired Han Solo as a manager. They fell in love, but she's a professional, so she sold the restaurant to someone to open another, and they started dating. Eventually, they got married and opened some unnamed restaurant. They sold that, and opened this restaurant, and everything was going great. Ben is conceived and grows up in this restaurant, and also comes to love food. Then a recession hits, and business is bad. Han and Leia start fighting, argue about management and other things, eventually they divorce. Han buys out Leia's half of the restaurant, she starts doing her own thing with those funds.

Right around this time, Ben is trying to break into the industry, and he doesn't want to work for his dad, so he starts working at the restaurant that his uncle Luke manages. Doesn't own, because he thinks owning a restaurant is a seperation from truly being in it, or something dumb. This Does Not Go Well. He leaves and works a shitty, back breaking minimum wage job at a NOMA-esque restaurant run by snoke. Maybe he develops a coke habit, but there's definitely a drinking problem, because he's working fuckin 70 hour weeks and barely has enough energy to breathe let alone take care of himself. He absolutely burns out, walks out during a shift and never goes back.

After a month of moping, he comes to work at the millenium falcon, the restaurant our story takes place in. It used to be called something else, but Leia kept the naming rights to the previous restaurant, so there was a rebrand. It wasn't a petty thing, the name was incredibly sentimental to her, but idk enough about star wars to make up that name. I'm open to suggestions

Which Brings us to your actual question, which I 100% have an answer to, because I've assigned most of the main characters their staff positions.

Hux, obviously, is lead host. I doubt he has a key to the restaurant, but he's the guy who makes sure all of the servers are doing their side work and organizes the alley. In return for this work, he makes $4/hour instead of the state minimum $2.13, which isn't much but is something, and since he's 100% not claiming his cash tips, it doesn't affect him too much, come tax season.

Ben is a key holder, and mainly manages so that his dad can have some time to hang out and not be in the restaurant. You can love a place and still get tired of being there.

Han is the owner-operator. If something goes wrong, ultimately, the fault runs up to him. He hates this, wishes it was still Leia's problem, but understands her decisions. (They still talk, she comes in every once in a while. It's a cordial relationship.)

Rey is the Front of House Manager. This means a couple of things. 1) she does the ordering for things like liquor and bar cordials, and probably also glassware and flatware. She decides how sections are set out, what reservations windows look like, and which POS they're going to use. (Han doesn't care as long as it uses paper tickets. Big order screens kind of ruin the open kitchen look.) She's also the person who tries to calm a table down when their food is taking too long or someone gets too drunk, and she's Very Good At It.

Mitaka is Lead Host. If you make a reservation, you're likely talking to him. I haven't decided if the restaurant will have bussers, yet, because we don't, and if not, Mitaka will also help clear and clean tables to create a faster turnover rate.

The Knights of Ren all work various positions on the line. They exist as periphery characters because a restaurant this size needs a lot of people to function. They'll all get nicknames because they have silly star wars names and I can't handle them, honestly.

Poe is a bartender. Look that man in the eyes and tell me he's not a bartender. You can't, because he is.

Finn is a tough one for me. Right now, he's a server, because it was plot convenient for me. Originally, I had him doing togo orders, because togo is the bridge between FOH and BOH like he is between the first order and the resistance, and it made sense for me. He may end up serving as both, because we have a few people that do that.

Rose is another character that mainly exists in the background? I don't know much about her so I just have her as a server, and she may end up developing an importance but as of now, she's just rolling silverware and taking orders in the miasma of this story.

Phasma, my sweet, lovely, wonderfully tall queen, is a pantry cook. They do salads, fry, and dessert and are often one person doing the job of two. I'm a pantry cook, I'm putting a lot of love into her, because I fuckin love pantry, as I am a mad woman.

(If you were wondering Ben is competent at all of the stations but he mainly works expo or grill. Han can do all of them, but he prefers dish, because when you're on the line all the time being a dishie for a day is a fuckin vacation. It's a day where no one is yelling at you unless they need plates and everything can be solved pretty easily. my first BOH job was a dishie job at a dennys I have a soft spot for it.)

Realistically, I need a few more people to fill out the actual story, and I may just straight up borrow my coworkers bc we have some wild people.

And I'm not kidding when I say most of the major plot points are things that truly happened at my restaurant. It's been a great source of inspiration.

Also please let me know if any of my terms aren't common knowledge and need to be explained? Like I don't expect people to know a santoku by name but beyond that I'm really trying to feel out what the general knowledge base for restaurants in the regular world is. not even in a pretenious way but in like a "why would regular people need to know what a cambro is, and that while yes, cambro is a brand name, when used as a improper noun, refers to a 22 or 12 quart container like this

#hands off hands out

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