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hisui-dreamer · 10 months

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rewrite the stars

Characters: Leona, Azul, Jade, Idia

Synopsis: if the stars say we're not meant to be, then why don't we just rewrite the stars?

Tags: horoscopes, reader is insecure, crack(?), fluff, comfort, not proofread

Word count: 1.4k+

Notes: rewrite the stars got stuck in my head then this idea popped up hehe

Disclaimer: i don't really know a lot about astrology, so most of the things i say are from google searches. in general, take astrology with a grain of salt yeah.

but also my sign and jade's sign are compatible hehehe

Masterlist

it's not easy being confident in love, and sometimes when you get so lost in your fears, you let anyone and anything tell you what you fear to admit, without a care for how truthful those words may be.

truthfully, if you were dead serious and broke up with him, he'd just grumble out a "whatever" and put up the façade that he doesn't care

but he'd actually be so mad at himself for pushing you away and how nothing in his life could ever go smoothly

but your eyes are swollen and tears are threatening to spill as you whisper those words

he silently approaches you, and instinctively reaches to brush your tears away, but his warm, calloused hand only makes you cry harder at how much you love the man before your eyes

he pulls you into his arms and holds you close as you sob into his chest

he doesn't say anything and waits for you to elaborate, there's a part of him that's afraid if he asked you why you wanted to break up with him, he couldn't bear how his own self-hatred

once you've calmed down, you start explaining how you two are incompatible in astrology, that he's a leo so it's easy for miscommunication to happen and other issues that have plagued you since you read about them

he's heard all this make believe astrology personality stuff before, but never before has he been glad of how ridiculous the idea is

you hear leona let out a big sigh, and the tension in his shoulders immediately lessens

pulls away from you to stare deep into your eyes, his face completely serious and solemn

"Herbivore, are you happy with me?" he asks. At you confused face, he repeats the question, his expression unchanging. When you nod firmly, he smiles slightly and asks again. "Then what else matters? As if I would let the souls of the past kings or some random star talk decide who I'm gonna love," he scowls at the idea. He leans forward and rests his forehead against yours. "You're stuck with me now, I'm not lettin' ya go that easily," he whispers.

He pulls you with him as he falls back onto the mattress, cradling you in his arms. "Sleep. You're not a baby anymore so don't go crying yourself to sleep," he teases, but he gently kisses the remainder of your tears away.

azul.exe has stopped functioning

blubbering like a fish out of water (wait...) he's lost and hurt and confused and panicking all at the same time

"w-w-what have i done to upset you angelfish????"

the tweels walk into azuls office just to see the two of you crying and confused, azul trying to ask you why and he's sad and crying, you're stumbling over your words and sniffing and crying

ok after a glass of warm water (thank you jade) the two of you calm down to actually have a proper conversation, though azul is still very obviously tense

you explain that he's a Pisces and that means you two not compatible with how sensitive he is and he's a water sign and so on

azul is very confused about how stars can determine people's personalities, but he does fit the description of a Pisces, and if his beloved Angelfish is stressed over astrology, then it must be a reliable tell (azul no)

he asks for you to give him some time, to actually understand your reasonings and of course, to give him a chance and prove to you how willing he is to work out a relationship with you

the next day, azul visits you with very deep dark eye circles, but the glint in his eyes shows full determination and confidence

azul businessman mode on!

sits you down and pulls up a slideshow

azul ashengrotto is now an astrology expert!

he's determined to show you that you two have maximum compatibility and whatever issues you have? he'll always work them out with you

"Darling, you mentioned our Sun signs yesterday, but I think it's crucial to also discuss our rising, moon, and star signs." He declares as he points to a star chart. "Now, following the calculations of our birth dates and locations..."

An hour later, you sit completely convinced that astrology all but supports your relationship with Azul, and you can't help smile and jump into his arms. Azul, sleep deprived and running on anxiety, somehow manages to not fall over, but soon leans his weight on you. "See? We're perfectly compatible with each other," he murmurs against your ear. His arms wrap around you, squeezing you gently, "so please don't leave me, I wouldn't know what to do without you..."

eyes wide slowly blinking like "... I beg your pardon?"

honestly jade doesn't look that surprised/hurt

but really he's suppressing the turmoil of emotions inside him

ever the logical thinker, he'd ask a calm "May I ask why, my dear?"

and you surprise him again with flowing tears and a trembling voice

though he's listening very patiently as he's diligently wiping away your tears with his handkerchief, soft careful movements to avoid causing discomfort

asks questions when he doesn't understand what in astrology is going on, genuinely making an effort to understand this field of academics

in a sense, he's distracting you from being upset with academic discussion

okay, he's a Scorpio, which makes him good at manipulating people??? and he's very bold??

now while he finds all this very interesting and slightly accurate, it still feels pretty whimsical that the time you're born in determines your personality

particularly as he's so different to Floyd! and they were born at the same time!

whichever the case, the more pressing issue is his dearest lover sniffing and whining that you could never be happy together with how incompatible you are

he pulls you into his chest for a bit, rubbing soothing circles into your back and leaving gentle kisses you until your sniffing quiets down

"Dearest, won't you look at me?" he murmurs against your ear. You look up to see the most tender expression you had ever seen on him, his mismatched eyes filled with warmth and affection.

"While it is indeed extremely unfortunate that our star signs are incompatible, I don't believe there's a single person out there who could love me better than you do," he says as he kisses your hand. "I promise that your happiness will always be my utmost priority, so won't you continue to love this silly eel?"

"Now, while I will always find you enchantingly beautiful, I do believe a smile shines the brightest on my lovely pearl," he smiles while brushing the remaining wetness away from your eyes.

simply put, idia panics immediately

every day he thinks the fates have been far too kind to him for you to even reciprocate his feelings

he's always mentally preparing himself if you want to break up or you need to leave him

so he puts up a brave face when you say you can't be together

but wait... you actually look really upset and on the verge of tears???

"Hold up, why are you the one crying?"

please don't tell him those are tears of joy i think he'd die on the spot

through sobs and sniffs, you tell him that you were curious about your compatibility based on astrology

and okay...? he's a fire sign??? explains the hair

okay so you're telling him, you're breaking up with him solely because you think this thing might be right and not because you hate him, right?

brb gotta blow up some stars

starts mumbling about some plans to build space missiles and blow up some stars that make up his sign or something

he can't be an asparagus(??? idia no it's sagittarius doesn't matter) if the constellation no longer exists, right?

you stop him (thank god) by cupping both of his cheeks to make him stare straight at you

he's flushing up instantly and every fiber of his being yearned to turn away but your teary gaze makes him stop squirming

"You know," he begins, his voice earnest and steady, "everyday, I can't believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. If you're unworthy of me, then I'm unworthy of you."

He lets out a chuckle, that rumble echoing right into your ear. "I suppose I can put those star destroyer blueprints on hold, at least for the time being. But if the stars ever mess with us again, it's game over for them."

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

#twstnexus #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #disney twisted wonderland #twst imagines #twst wonderland #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #twisted wonderland leona #jade leech #jade leech x reader #twisted wonderland jade #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #twisted wonderland azul #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #twisted wonderland idia

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sterlingsilver-starlight · 7 months

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Talk Too Much 💘

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Female Reader

Genres: Hurt/comfort, angst, drama, fluff, romance

Content Warnings: flashbacks of emotional abuse (reader has emotionally abusive mother), self-harm (briefly graphic), implied suicidal thoughts, brief strong language (mild throughout), intimate moments (very steamy makeout session, but nothing further)

Word Count: 3195 words

Summary: When Reader excuses herself to the bathroom, Seonghwa begins to grow suspicious as minutes turn into an unusually long absence. Can he unravel the truth behind her melancholy, and perhaps something deeper?

Inspirations: During the sadder parts, “Kamihitoe” by Uru and this slowed/reverbed version of Lolo Zouaï’s “Desert Rose” were my comfort. And then for the cute parts, BLACKSWAN’s “Cat & Mouse” :)

(I love the title GIF for this 🤭 but I also am still recovering from the Arriba one…I swear, I will not be the same when the full song drops in a week 😩🥵) I had something like an epiphany while writing this…the comforting words resonate on many levels, and I had to remind myself that people like that do exist out there. Even if there is someone in your life who throws harsh words or vibes your way, that’s not to say someone who does the exact opposite might not cross paths with you, too ✨🫶🏼

Also please note: This is in no way supposed to represent or depict the actual Park Seonghwa; this is just created for storytelling/entertainment purposes only :D

A hard swallow, followed by the relentless jab of another burgeoning stomachache. You set your fork down again, barely scraping the potatoes at the edge of your plate.

“Hwa, I…I don’t feel too good. I can’t eat this right now.”

He gave you a sympathetic smile as you got up from your seat. “It’s alright. Just…let me know if you need something. Okay?”

You offered a small smile, biting your lip. “Y-yeah. Okay.”

The bite dug deep enough to draw blood, but you tasted nothing like iron on your tongue. It was a flavor you had become all too accustomed to, one too bittersweet to fully enjoy or shy away from.

As soon as you were out of your friend’s line of sight, you bolted down the hall for the bathroom, only slowing down once you’d gone inside and shut the door.

A click at the knob. A snap of the fingers, idiosyncratically, to distract yourself from the sudden echo the lock gave. Did he hear that?

You hoped to God not.

Seonghwa was your most trusted confidant, but even the strongest of bonds could harbor skeletons in the closet, so as far as you were concerned, it would need to stay that way until you were able to get over this on your own.

Slumping against the door, you let yourself slide down to the ground, hugging your knees as they bunched up against your chest.

You didn’t know what you would ever do if he found out. About the thoughts, about the self-hatred…

Heck, let alone the self-harm.

Seonghwa was the twinkling star in your life, lighting up any room he entered, constantly finding ways to make you crack a smile from absolutely nothing. He was too precious for this world, you were sure of it.

Which is why, on this otherwise fine and calm evening, you found yourself yet again questioning why in the hell he put up with you as much as he did.

What if you were just fooling yourself? What if this persona you felt from your very core was nothing more than an act, masquerading from the demon that had hidden inside you from years long past?

A silent cry threatened to surface. You took a sharp breath and reached in your pocket, fumbling around until you felt what you had been looking for: a rusted metal nail file.

The lump in your throat made you feel guiltier. It’d been mere days since you’d promised yourself that this wasn’t going to be an option…

Again.

But though time could heal wounds, it could only erase so many still embedded within your subconscious, still playing like a broken record during your moments of uncertainty and vulnerability.

“Do you ever shut up?! I swear, one more word and I’ll rip your tongue off!”

You bit your lip harder, genuinely wanting to taste the pain. What did it matter anymore?

“Sure, keep doing that shit. So we can all feel sorry for you and tiptoe around your stupid feelings? I don’t think so!”

You gasped with every memory, tears blinding and blurring your bearings, the file now slashing oh-so elegantly through your flesh like a knife through butter.

“Slam your door again and I’ll make sure your head is the next thing that slams against the wall!”

You almost didn’t notice the crimson streaming down your arm, or the way it cascaded onto your other hand, dyeing the creases of your palm in a heartbeat, while numbness continued feeding your indifference.

Maybe there is no purpose to my life. Maybe I’m just meant to be a casualty and —

“Y/n?” You jolted, the three knocks on the door vibrating through your skull.

But you said nothing, afraid even a single syllable would give away your current state of mind.

“Y/n?” Seonghwa repeated, the worry carrying in his voice.

Panic kicked in and you started hyperventilating. Much to your chagrin, however, that only alerted him more.

“Okay, I-I’m coming in.” You heard the twists and click of the knob — darn it, I forgot he has keys for the place — and hastily shuffled over to the adjacent wall as he squeezed his way into the bathroom.

A sharp gasp hushed within the small room. His eyes widened in shock as he took in the scene before him: the rusted nail file still in your hand, the blood-stained arm, the haunted look on your face — it broke your heart, to have him see you like this.

What you didn’t realize, though, was just how much his heart was breaking.

“Hwa, I…I’m sorry.” You hugged yourself tighter, wanting nothing more than to be a turtle hidden inside its shell.

“Y/n…what happened?” His voice was laced with worry as he carefully approached you.

You tried to conceal the evidence, quickly slipping the file back into your pocket and attempting to wipe away the blood with the hem of your sleeve. But the damage had already been done. “I…I just had a little accident, is all. N-no big deal,” you stammered, furrowing your eyebrows as you looked away.

He crouched down in front of you, gently lifting your chin to meet his eyes. “Y/n, don’t lie to me. What’s going on?”

A lump formed in your throat, and for a moment, you debated whether to spill your darkest secrets or to continue this facade. But when you saw the hurt in his eyes, you knew what your answer must be.

“I…I’ve been struggling, Hwa. There’s this darkness inside of me that just won’t go away,” you whispered finally, trying not to cry mid-sentence.

His expression softened, and he pulled you into an embrace. “You don’t have to face it alone, Y/n. I’m right here for you, always.”

The warmth of his hug felt like a lifeline, a tether grounding you in this moment of many that felt overwhelmingly chaotic. Tears streamed down your face as you clung to him tightly, slowly but surely releasing the weight that you had been carrying alone for far too long.

Seonghwa pulled away slowly, his hands holding yours gently. “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? And then we can talk about this, together.”

You nodded, rubbing your thumbs against his in return. “Okay.”

He helped you to a standing position, and from there you both walked over to the medicine cabinet: you leaning slightly on the sink countertop, him removing a roll of gauze, bandages, and a few creams. Grabbing a nearby cloth to run it under warm water, you inhaled nervously. As he began tending to the wounds on your arm, still streaked in raw red, you hesitated, grappling with the storm of emotions brewing deep down. The bathroom felt like a fragile sanctuary, and you were on the verge of shattering its peace with the weight of your confessions.

“Hwa,” you began hesitantly, “I’ve…heard things. About myself. Terrible things that echo in my mind every day.”

He looked up at you, eyes brimming with a warm understanding. “It’s okay. Tell me as much or as little as you need to.”

With a shaky breath, you started to unravel the web of painful words that had been haunting you, from the cruel insults and relentless belittlement at home to the internalized hatred that had since taken root in your heart.

“I’m a failure. That’s what she says. My own blood mother.” You shuddered. “That I’m a disappointment, a burden…that her life would have been better if not for the presence of such an ungrateful bitch like me…t-that I ruin everything around me.” Your voice wavered as you stopped to catch a breath.

Seonghwa’s expression tightened with anger. “Y/n, believe me when I say you are none, and I mean absolutely none, of those things. You are strong, kind, and worthy of love. Don’t believe those lies. Please.”

You just shook your head. “I can’t accept your kind pity, though, Hwa.” Tears welled and clouded your vision as you continued. “She said I should be grateful that anyone tolerates me at all, that I’m lucky to have friends because I don’t deserve them…that I’m not good enough for anyone out there.”

His eyes softened with empathy. “Y/n, you’re more than good enough. You’re fucking incredible, and I…I care about you deeply.”

Your eyes widened at his choice of words, confusion and hope written all over your face. “Why, Hwa? Why would you care about someone like me?”

He sighed, setting aside the cloth, and cupped your face with his hands. “Because you’re not just someone, Y/n. You’re a remarkable person. Your strength, your kindness — it shines through even in your darkest moments. And…” He chuckled slightly. “I like you. More than just as a friend.”

A gasp caught in your throat, and time became still within the room as his confession hung in the air. Seonghwa’s eyes searched yours for a response, but you remained silent, the weight of his words sinking in.

A spark of worry flickered across his face. “I-I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said —”

You placed a gentle hand on his cheek. “No, Hwa. I’m honestly really glad you did. I just…I need a moment to process everything. It’s a lot, but I really appreciate your courage to tell me that.”

His shoulders relaxed, a relieved smile breaking through. “I understand. Take all the time you need.”

He resumed cleaning your cuts, all the while as you couldn’t shake the startling but exciting realization that maybe, just maybe, someone as wonderful as Hwa could see past these insecurities, could see you for you.

An almost eerie silence hung between you two, broken only by the sound of running water as you rinsed off spots of leftover blood. Hwa glanced at you, debating whether or not to break the ice.

“To be honest,” you admitted in a voice barely above a whisper, “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt good enough for someone like you.”

He scoffed lightly, covering your hand with his. “Y/n, you’re more than enough. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

His words lingered in the air, a poignant moment of vulnerability shared in the dimly lit bathroom.

And then something shifted.

With a playful smirk, you couldn’t help but bring up your insecurities, caught in a suddenly desperate vying to test the waters and see how he would take it. “Come on, don’t be silly, Hwa. I mean, look at me!” You raised an eyebrow at him, the hint of a smile teasing at your lips.

He took the bait. “Okay, and? What about it?”

Now it was your turn to scoff. “You gotta be kidding. I mean, for starters, I’m not even skinny, my face is rounder than the boba in that milk tea you were swirling around the other day” — he broke into a fit of laughter at this, prompting you to punch him gently on the arm (“Hwa, I’m being serious!”) before resuming your, he thought, rather dramatic speech — “and my body is far from what’s considered attractive these days.” You sighed, clenching and unclenching your fists before inspecting yourself through the bathroom mirror. “Especially with these…” You gestured vaguely to your rounded backside and thick thighs.

Hwa’s low, throaty chuckle reverberated in the bathroom, his eyes never leaving yours. “Y/n, you really think any of that matters to me?” He shook his head, his gaze intense. “You’re focusing on things that turn me on more than you could possibly know.”

To say you were surprised — curious, even — was an understatement. “W-what do you mean?” you dared to ask.

He leaned in, his lips dangerously close to your ear. “Your curves, the roundness of your face, that body you seem to underestimate so much — they’re all things I fantasize about more when I’m around you.” His words sent a thrill down your spine, and you felt a warmth pooling in the pit of your stomach.

“But why?” you managed to stutter out, genuinely baffled.

Hwa pulled back slightly, his eyes scanning you up and down. “Because, Y/n, it’s those very things that make you uniquely you. There’s…an allure throughout, if I’m being honest…and your body is nothing short of perfection in my eyes.”

He paused, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “And let me tell you,” he continued, snaking his fingers across one of your thighs, massaging it with his thumb, “these parts of you aren’t just attractive. They’re downright irresistible.”

Your breath caught in your throat, desire rushing through your veins as he leaned in again, his fingers tracing patterns that left your skin tingling. “I think about you in ways that would make you blush,” he admitted, his voice a low murmur. “You’re beautiful, Y/n. In every way imaginable.”

With that, he closed the distance between your lips, initiating a kiss that held the weight of his confession. The bathroom seemed to vanish into the distance as Hwa’s lips kept meeting yours in a slow, tantalizing dance, each kiss a revelation of shared desire. His hands, warm and possessive, explored the curves of your body with a deliberate sensuality. Fingers traced the contours of your back, leaving a trail of trickling sensations in their wake. As the kiss deepened, his touch became more fervent, a silent promise of passion yet to unfold.

Your hands found their way into his soft, tousled hair, fingers threading through the strands as you pulled him closer. His tongue prodded your bottom lip playfully until you indulged him, allowing the sensation of his tongue to slide against and around yours, igniting a fervor that sent electrical currents through every nerve ending.

The room seemed to get hotter and hotter, but nothing could have curbed the chill in your spine by this point. Hwa’s touch was both gentle and confident, a melody of desire that crescendoed as his kisses lingered longer and he began sucking your tongue slowly, making you moan ever so softly into his mouth.

Your own hands mirrored his movements, traveling across the edges and ridges of his chest, feeling the rhythmic beat of his heart beneath your touch. The bathroom echoed with intertwined breaths and whispered promises.

As the intensity built, you couldn’t help but straddle his lap, your bodies pressing together with an urgency that mirrored the passion between you. Hwa’s lips trailed from your mouth to your neck, leaving a trail of heated kisses. Moans continued escaping your lips as you felt his teeth grazing gently down the side of your neck. You clung to him, lost in the intoxication of the moment.

Your heartbeats all but synchronized as his lips found their way to your collarbone, his whispers of passion mingling with your soft gasps. He pulled back slightly, eyes looking deep into yours.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his voice a velvet caress that sent shivers down your spine. He leaned in to place gentle kisses on your earlobe, his breath sending a flutter of anticipation through you. “I want you to feel cherished, desired, and free from any doubt about your body,” he whispered finally, his tone laced with sensual liberation.

His hands, like flames against your skin, caressed the small of your back. The room was filled with the harmony of your shared desire, moans and breaths alike embellishing the melody sounding strong.

As sweat dripped down your foreheads, the intensity reached its peak, and with a shared understanding, you both began to ease out of the fervent exchange. Hwa’s lips lingered on yours for a moment, a final note in the passionate composition.

His arms wrapped around you, nestling you within the sweet scent of his aroma, heaving heavily, slowly, as you both took a moment to catch your breath. You could spot the glimpse of a tender smile dancing on his lips. “See, Y/n, you talk too much,” he teased, his eyes alight with affection.

You chuckled finally, feeling a warmth enveloping you. “Maybe I do,” you agreed, “but I think I like it that way.”

Hwa’s eyes sparkled with mischief as he smirked at you playfully. “Well, you better, because I enjoy every word,” he smiled, leaning in to peck you briefly on the lips.

As you both settled into a cuddle, an air of contentment permeated within your space. Hwa’s fingers traced soothing patterns on your back as he spoke. “You know…I think we should have a date tomorrow. I want to take you out. Just the two of us.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the idea. “A date, huh? Where are we going?”

Hwa’s playful grin widened. “Somewhere nice, but you better promise me you won’t just order a small appetizer. I want you to enjoy the food, Y/n.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Alright, alright. No small appetizers. Got it. But you’ll have to deal with me talking your ear off about how delicious everything is.”

Hwa leaned in, stealing another quick kiss. “I can’t wait. And besides, I enjoy every word, remember?”

The banter continued as you both playfully argued about your plans. Hwa grinned mischievously, glad that you were cutting loose for a change and genuinely enjoying yourself now. “And promise me, no salads as the main course. We’re going for the good stuff if this is a date.”

You raised an eyebrow, feigning offense. “Excuse me? Salads are healthy and delicious.”

He chuckled. “Healthy? Yes. Delicious? Debatable. We’re going for flavor explosions, Y/n, not the world’s best landscape on a plate.”

You countered with a smirk. “Okay, first of all, tabbouleh is to die for. And maybe I like my explosions with a side of greens.”

Hwa pretended to gasp, placing a hand over his heart dramatically. “You’re breaking my heart. And here I thought we had a connection.”

You burst into laughter, eyes watering within seconds. “Oh, we have a connection, alright, but my connection with tasty salads might just outdo it this time.”

He pouted. “Fine, have it your way. But if that’s how it’s gonna be, I’m ordering the biggest, heartiest dish on the menu just to torture you.”

You grinned. “Challenge dutifully accepted. I’ll enjoy my dish while you tackle your food mountain. We’ll see who’s satisfied in the end.”

Hwa leaned in, whispering. “Well, just so you know, if you end up trying a bite of mine, you might never go back to salads again.”

You smirked at him. “We’ll see about that. You can’t deprive me of my greens forever, you know.” You pretended to think hard for a moment. “I know, I’ll revolt! I’ll revolt and you won’t know what’s coming to —”

He pressed his lips against yours in a sudden, actually sweet kiss. When he finally pulled back, he was grinning slyly from ear to ear.

“You were saying?” he teased.

You snorted. “Well, I was going to say that no matter how tempting your ‘food mountain’ may be, my love for salads will endure. Just like my love for you, even if you try to sabotage it with impeccably irresistible dishes.”

He tried and failed to suppress another laugh. “You talk too much.” You grinned in satisfaction.

“Maybe I do, but you love it.”

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demoneyecandy · 1 year

Text

Lust and Love - Part 1

Work: Lust and Love (Part 1)

WC: 6.4k Relationship: Asmodeus x Reader, Asmodeus x MC AFAB reader, she/her pronouns and gendered terms used for reader Warning: Explicit, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Yes, my Asmo is probably ooc, do I care? Not really. He’s my poor little meow meow and I’ll decide why he’s crying.

Description: Asmodeus is having trouble with self-destructive habits, as usual, but this time M/C is there to break him out of his spiral. He shows his appreciation in a very on-brand way.

The fifth-born knew that people talked about him. How could they not? He was simply the most interesting being in all three realms, who could blame them? Some would call him flawless, confident, and sensual – he wasn’t prized in the Celestial Realm for nothing. Others called him vapid, self-absorbed, apathetic, loose, among other nasty comments. If anyone asked, he’d reply that he didn’t pay any attention to the haters. Why would they matter when everyone else knows he’s perfect? And if anyone noticed that after a day with more insults than usual Asmo would be tanked within half an hour of leaving the house? Well, that was just a coincidence. They all know he loves to party, don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

With the introduction of social media to the Devildom his behavior only spiraled out of control. Devilgram served as a permanent reminder that no matter what he did he would not be universally loved. For someone like Asmo, that was his weakness. The insults cut a lot deeper than he would ever show. His whole identity was based around being desirable. He was the Avatar of Lust, not a scumbag or shut-in like his brothers.

Though the people leaving those comments kept their voices down when he passed them in the halls at RAD, the anonymity of the internet emboldened them. The negative comments were quickly reported by his fans but that didn’t stop them from being burned into his mind. From the more basic “whore” and “stuck-up bitch” to the more involved, “Who does he think he is? He’s not that cute”, “Idk why this loser has so many simps”, “bet he only has this many likes on his posts because he fucked them all lmao”, he had gotten all types of negative comments on his social media posts. When he would complain to his brothers in his usual over-the-top fashion, eyes full of tears and voice several octaves higher than it needed to be, they would shrug him off the same way they did when he told them about his favorite hair product line being discontinued or missing a sale at Majolish. In a way, that was probably his fault – if he gave two things the same weight in the way he presented the problem, of course his family would assume it was just Asmo being dramatic again.

Sometimes at night, when memories of the war haunted him, he would open his phone and scroll through the comments on the Devilgram posts he’d made that day. Anything to occupy his thoughts. The positive ones faded into the background – he knew he was beautiful; he knew he was a fashion icon, and that his skin was flawless. He also knew he wasn’t worth the attention he received, and yet he craved it more than air. He’d re-read every nasty thing that had been said about him, letting the words sink in and join the swirling torrent of self-hatred in his head. He genuinely didn’t know why he did it – maybe the same reason he’d go out and indulge in his sin every night he could. Diavolo had once tried to get the brothers to speak to some counselors after they fell, and his counselor had said his behavior seemed like a form of self-harm. That was the last time he saw that poor excuse for a therapist – how in the world could pleasure be harmful? Of course, there were the times where pain was involved, but that was all consensual. He’d never allow anyone to mar his gorgeous skin. He had already spent ages trying every suggestion he’d ever received to make his scars fade to the point that they were nothing more than barely-there pale lines from cuts and missing spots of pigmentation from burns, he certainly wouldn’t risk adding more. He felt like everyone could see them, like everyone was staring, but he knew rationally that they were only noticeable to him.

When the exchange student had first arrived and he had discovered that she was immune to his abilities, he wasn’t ashamed to admit he had spent a few nights making his way through the highlights of his little black book. His booty calls were proof that he was desirable in the form of men and women writhing in his sheets until the early hours of the morning. When he realized that she liked him anyway? That was the best he had felt in a long time. On the outside of course he played it off, keeping up his flirtatious banter with the human. But to realize that there was someone who liked him, not because of his charm? Or because he could make them feel good? It was exhilarating and terrifying. Sure, she likes him now, but what about when she realizes what everyone else has? That he’s nothing but a bed warmer with a pretty face? He dreaded that day. It was coming sooner or later, he knew it, so he would just do his best to keep the human from seeing any of the cracks he covered up with product.

It was one of those nights tonight. He broke a nail and the visible imperfection sent him into a tailspin until he could get to his room and fix his manicure. As he waited for the polish to dry, he was scrolling through the comments on a selfie he had posted during lunch at RAD. M/C had said he looked cute, so he wanted to believe it, but here he was. Giving so much weight to the opinions of people who couldn’t even say shit to his face.

His spiral was interrupted before it could really get going by a knock on his bedroom door. If it were anyone else he’d yell at them to go away, but he knew from the pattern of the knock that it was M/C.

“Just a moment, darling” he called.

Jumping out of bed, he walked over to his vanity to be sure his hair was perfect and his lip gloss didn’t need to be reapplied. As satisfied with his reflection as he could ever be, he put on a smile and made his way to open his door. Leaning sensually on the doorframe, he gave M/C his best “fuck me” eyes as he greeted them;

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the most delectable human in the three realms. How can I help you, dear?”

M/C’s face lit up and she laughed at the demon’s antics.

“I’m having some trouble winding down for the night, and I thought I could relax here for a little bit. It’s so calming when you play with my hair”.

Asmodeus was both relieved and frustrated as the human walked past him and settled onto his bed. On the one hand, his spiral had been interrupted before he could do anything particularly self-destructive. On the other hand, it meant he was all amped up with negative feelings and no real outlet for them. There was none of the catharsis that comes along with making bad decisions. It was like that dread and anxiety and self-hatred was sitting in his gut, but he certainly wasn’t going to let M/C see him crack if he could help it. He slowly shut his bedroom door and sat next to where his human had made herself comfortable on his bed.

His eyes roamed her body, lingering just a bit too long on her plush thighs and the peek of skin where her pajama top rode up. It took her a second, but she realized where his eyes were lingering, and she quickly pulled down her shirt. That was fine by him, all it did was expose her collarbones, which he took in just as happily. She blushed and turned away, hoping to regain her composure before he noticed the red tint in her cheeks. She had no such luck, but it was cute that she thought she could hide anything from him.

He did his best to keep the predatory glint out of his eyes. The demon knew that if he came on too strong she would back off, like she had on the few occasions he’d run into her after a night out and his confidence got the best of him. The next morning he would pretend he had blacked out, but he treasured the memories of the trembling of her frame beneath his hands when he’d come in close to whisper in her ear some of the naughty thoughts he’d had about her and the startled noise she’d made the time he slapped her ass on his way up to bed. It had been just his luck that Mammon had been at the end of the hallway, so he’d gotten quite the talking to from Lucifer the next morning. Something about not taking advantage of the exchange student, how he had to show more respect, the reputation of Diavolo’s exchange program, blah blah blah. The only thing he had cared about was that it hadn’t been M/C herself who’d told Lucifer, it had been a jealous brother. He had, in fact, felt a lovely spark of lust rise up in his human on every occasion he’d gotten bold from the (frankly, impressive) amount of demonus in his system. After all, he’s a demon, not a monster. Sexual assault is anathema to sexual pleasure and therefore unacceptable at every level for the Avatar of Lust. Sometimes late at night when he’d touch himself he’d remember how she’d looked like a deer in the headlights, so afraid of his touch but so desperately wanting it just the same. Other times, when he was feeling more sentimental, he’d think of her laugh, her smile, the way her eyes softened when she looked at him.

After she thought her face was back to normal (it wasn’t, but he wasn’t going to be the one to tell her that when she just looked so damn cute), she moved around until her head was in his lap and her body was stretched out in a pile of his softest blankets, grabbing his hand and placing it on her head in an unvoiced demand for him to stroke her hair. His heart melted – this was all she ever asked of him. At the same time, a small voice in the back of his head spoke.

You know why she doesn’t try to fuck you, right? You’re not good enough for her and she knows it. I’m sure she’s fucking one of your brothers instead. She’s found someone who could satisfy her in a way you never could. After all, you’re nothing but a placeholder. Easy and good enough for a night, but why would she want you when she could have them? Why would she want damaged goods? A vapid, self-obsessed, pathetic excuse for a demon. You were a shitty angel too.

He shook his head almost imperceptibly, trying to will the thoughts away. He busied himself running his hands through M/C’s hair, carefully untangling any knots he found along the way. Her eyes had closed, letting herself sink into the feeling. There was a gentle smile on her face, and she raised her chin to lean into his touch, leaving her neck completely exposed. Vulnerable. She was allowing herself to be entirely vulnerable with him, a being who could slit her throat in an instant, or tug her hair hard enough to pull her head clean off her body. He felt tears well up in his eyes at her trust, but the thoughts kept coming, taking him back down into that bad place he had been heading for before M/C came to his door.

You’re nothing. She knows you’re nothing, and that’s why she isn’t afraid. Your pact makes you useless, you couldn’t hurt her if you wanted to. You’re a declawed kitten. Pathetic. Why would she want you? She has her pick of suitors in the Devildom, you wouldn’t even make the top-10. She pities you, that’s why she lets you touch her.

M/C had thought it was strange that Asmodeus had been quiet, but she figured he must have been tired, so she wasn’t going to bug him when he was already doing her a favor by calming her down for the night. Truthfully, she had just wanted to see her favorite demon. He had been more withdrawn at home for the last few weeks, spending more nights out at The Fall locking lips with anyone in arm’s reach and chugging demonus like it was water. She was mildly concerned for him. His brothers had said that he got in moods like this sometimes, but at least he wasn’t bringing home a new demon (or demons) every night. M/C wasn’t going to admit it out loud, but she was a little jealous hearing about his past behavior. She knew it was silly, it wasn’t like she even knew him then, and she had no say in what he did in his spare time. It wasn’t like she was a virgin either. Still, Levi had looked at her knowingly when they’d told her, recognizing the envy welling up in her.

She realized that something was wrong when she felt wetness drip onto her cheek.

“Asmo?” M/C opened her eyes, greeted with the most disheveled version of the Avatar of Lust that she’d ever seen. Not that that said much, she rarely saw him with a single hair out of place, but seeing his eyes puffy and tear tracks down his face was enough to seriously concern her. She sat up slowly, reaching to grab his hand from where it had paused in her hair.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” her thumb gently stroked across the back of his hand. Rather than the gesture comforting him, as she’d hoped, he made eye contact only to begin audibly crying. Still unsure what was happening, she pulled herself up onto her knees to face him, bringing her other hand to his face and holding mimicking the motions she was making on the back of his hand along his cheekbone. She tried to keep the movement steady, methodical, to give him something to focus on so he could calm down enough to tell her what was happening. He leaned into her touch, grabbing her hand with his free hand and holding it there like he was scared she’d disappear if he let go. She shushed him quietly, reminding him of her presence whenever he seemed to be retreating into his own head.

Neither of them know how long it was before Asmodeus’s sobbing turned into pathetic little hiccupping, his eyes long since dried out. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each of them too afraid to drag them back to the present moment. M/C spoke first.

“Can I get you anything? Some water? A washcloth?”

He nodded, avoiding eye contact out of sheer embarrassment and fear of what would happen next. The one thing he didn’t want to happen above all else had happened, and now she was going to steer clear of him. He was sure of it.

Reluctantly, he let go of her hand as she went to his bathroom in search of what he needed. Now alone on his bed, he felt so small and so fragile. He had only known M/C for a very, very small faction of his very, very long existence, but somehow he couldn’t imagine going back to the way things were before he’d met her – especially as she continued to live in the House of Lamentation and develop her relationship with his brothers and the residents of both the Demon Lord’s Castle and Purgatory Hall. He knew she was kind and patient, but all his mind would let him see was her laying under some nondescript body, laughing about how pathetic the fifth-born was as she was pleasured by someone else, letting the world know how weak and inadequate he was. That he was an embarrassment to his title. He would have kept crying at that point, but he wasn’t sure his body even had that much water left. This was going to do such a number on his skin, he’d really need to step up his game with his skincare routine. Going through his plan of attack was enough to focus his mind and calm him down in the few minutes it took M/C to find a drinking glass and a washcloth in his enormous bathroom.

The human handed him the glass, waiting for him to drink half before she took it from his hands to place on his nightstand. She gently wiped his face with the damp cloth, knowing he’d feel better without the salt staining his skin. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had been so delicate with him, treating him like a valuable rather than something easily replaceable. The thought made his heart hurt, and brought with it a new wave of thoughts about how he wasn’t treated like that because he really wasn’t valuable. That his human was mistaken and she’d know it soon enough. She’d seen the first crack in his façade, it wouldn’t be too long now before she saw the rest.

As she went to get up to place the washcloth back in the bathroom, he made a little noise and grabbed for her hand.

“Asmo, I have to put this away. I’m not going anywhere, I swear, I just don’t want to leave something damp on your bedsheets”.

Reluctantly, he let go, and she went back to the bathroom as quickly as she could. Asmo had always been needy, this wasn’t news to anyone, but rarely had she seen him so desperate. Sometimes, when it was just the two of them, she could see peeks of the Asmodeus he wanted to hide from the world. She knew the fall had been traumatic for all of them, but she wouldn’t pretend to know the extent of that kind of trauma. It wasn’t something that was her place to draw attention to, because no matter how much she loved them she knew that just love wasn’t enough when it came to dealing with something of that gravity. They needed to share at their pace, if they ever felt comfortable sharing at all. All she could do was hope that this was some kind of turning point for him, and that he was ready to be open with her. Well, as open as was healthy. Baby steps, right?

The demon visibly relaxed when she came back towards him. Climbing over him, she laid down on ‘her’ side of the bed as Asmo called it jokingly (it wasn’t a joke but he was pleading the fifth on that question). She made grabby hands, and a relieved Asmodeus rolled into her side, resting his head on her chest and winding an arm around her waist. She set her chin on top of his head and wrapped her arms around him as best she could. She knew he needed to feel completely safe if he was going to talk about whatever had just happened.

The two laid together for a bit, the sounds of the house creaking and his brothers going about their business throughout the house breaking up the quiet in a way that made it palatable. Finally, Asmodeus spoke in a voice lacking all of his usual bravado and charm.

“So, I’m guessing you’d like to know what that was about”.

“If you feel comfortable sharing. I’m here for you, Asmo, you won’t scare me away. You just have to trust me”.

A beat of silence passed before the man took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was definitely going to be a painful conversation on his end.

“I… I’m not sure where to start. You know what they called me in the Celestial Realm, right?”

A nod.

“The Jewel of the Heavens. My face, my body, my charm, it was something our Father truly valued. I was beautiful, and that’s how I earned my keep. I was an ornament. I didn’t mind it much at the time – why would I care when it was nothing but a positive? Even Lucifer loved to show me off, his beautiful little brother. The pride of the Celestial Realm”.

M/C maintained eye contact, not daring to interrupt but wanting to show she was listening. She moved one hand up to stroke his hair, like he had done to her a million times before.

“When we fell… I don’t think there’s any kind of corollary in a human life. I went from an admired figure, praised for my beauty, to nothing when I made the decision to rebel with my brothers and Lilith. I don’t regret my decision, don’t get me wrong, Lilith was one of the most wonderful beings I’ve met in my life. I still miss her even now”.

The demon broke eye contact, trying to hide the quiver in his voice as he thought of his dead sister. The pain of that kind of loss never actually goes away and it’s harder some days.

“The point is, as a result of that decision, I lost everything that I knew about myself. By the end of the war, I was covered in big, ugly scars, stripped of my status as an angel and turned into a demon - a being that I had been told since I was created was inherently evil, wrong, and unlovable. It took me years before I could look at myself in a mirror again. I wasn’t Asmodeus, Jewel of the Heavens. I was Asmodeus, a vile, unlovable Thing. I had to feel something again, I had to be someone again. That’s how I ended up like this – I found a way I could feel loved again, even if just for a night”.

Or, he thought to himself, more often an hour in a nightclub bathroom.

He continued speaking, too scared to look up at his human’s eyes and see disgust or contempt in them.

“I will never be the me I was again. Never. Even thousands of years later that isn’t something I’ve fully come to terms with yet. I feel broken and wrong. On good days I really do mean what I say – that I’m beautiful, irresistible, absolutely perfect in every way”.

His voice took on a lilt and a small smile twisted the corner of his mouth as he remembered the feeling of power that comes with his moments of genuine confidence. However, as he began again, his voice sounded unsure again and so very small.

“On bad days, it’s all I can do to get out of bed. If I’m not beautiful, if I’m not wanted, what’s the point? What’s the point of any of this? Sometimes, when I make them chase me, when I let them put their hands on me, I feel like I’m wanted. Just for a little while, and that’s enough. What more could I ask for? After all, I’m not Mammon, can’t get too greedy”.

He tacked on a joke at the end, complete with a clearly forced laugh, trying to lighten the atmosphere that had settled over his room. He felt M/C press her lips to the crown of his head, still stroking his hair softly. She wasn’t quite sure how to respond, and she knew she had to be careful with the next thing out of her mouth.

“Asmodeus, you are worth so much. To so many people. To your brothers, to all of our friends, to me. I’m so proud of you for sharing that with me, it can’t have been easy”.

As she looked down, seeking his eyes, the demon saw only compassion in those eyes. It was a strange sight for him, and it made him feel something inside that he knew he had felt before, but he couldn’t quite remember when. It felt like there were butterflies in his stomach. There was some tension between them. Though it had an element of lust, it was moreso the unidentified emotion. He didn’t know what to do about that, so he decided to go with what he knew best- lust. Acting on muscle memory, he reached up to pull M/C’s head down to his. Surprised by Asmo pulling her down into a kiss when moments before he had been so vulnerable, M/C gasped and froze, allowing her pactmate to gain the upper hand.

The kiss was hungry and desperate from the start, definitely not how she imagined their first kiss beyond a casual peck on the lips, but it felt too good for her to dwell on that for long. With his tongue exploring her mouth he moved from his spot curled up on her side to get completely on top, pinning her in place. He held her wrists firmly above her head and his knees kept her thighs in place. His grip on her was somehow delicate and firm at the same time. The two let out little moans and pants between kisses, each losing themselves in the feeling of the other’s clothed body on their own. When Asmodeus separated their mouths, she followed his lips as far as she could, needing more. He shot her a look as though telling her to stay put, and she obeyed. His eyes were blown wide, glowing like a sunset. It was more out of habit than anything else since they knew his charm did nothing to her but it was undeniably beautiful.

The demon traced down her neck with messy kisses. If he weren’t a demon, she’d think he seemed like a man possessed. Between little nibbles and sucking, he panted out everything he was thinking, as if speaking it into her skin would make it so. When she concentrated, she could make out some of what he was saying over and over, almost like a prayer.

“I’ll be so good for you. I’ll make you feel so good, you won’t regret this. This will make you love me, I know it”.

She didn’t like to use her pact, but he was too lost in her body to listen if she asked nicely and his grip was too strong for her to break.

“Asmodeus, stop”.

He froze, a confused and hurt look on his face.

“Did I do something wrong?”

His eyes glowed brighter, as if subconsciously trying to fix whatever mistake he had made.

“Let go of me”. She tried to keep her voice even and maintain eye contact. She wanted to convey that she wasn’t upset, but he was clearly panicking inside his head.

The demon released her wrists, placing them on his own thighs. He tried to look away, ashamed, but the human gently directed his gaze back to her with a finger on his chin. She sat up against the pillows, trying to seem as serious as she could with disheveled clothing and red marks blooming all over her neck.

“Do you think that this is out of pity?” She desperately hoped that she had been reading into it too much, that he knew what she had been afraid to say. Her fears were confirmed when he cast his eyes downward and to the side, staring into space rather than meeting her eyes.

“Asmodeus, I can’t possibly imagine what you went through. You are so strong for going through that and still managing to be the funny, caring, genuine person that I know. What I do have some experience with is needing to feel wanted so badly that I’d let people touch me even when I wanted nothing more than for them to stop. I also know how absolutely garbage it feels when it’s over and they leave without so much as another word, I would just feel so used”. M/C’s eyes teared up as she remembered the feeling, but she blinked them away, willing herself to focus on the man in front of her.

“I never, ever want you to feel that way again. Not if I can help it. I love you, Asmodeus. Let me show you how much”.

A smile finally crossing his lips, albeit a small one, Asmo nodded. This time it was the human who brought their lips together, though their kiss was just as passionate as before. She caught the demon by surprise, rolling them over so she was the one pinning him to the bed. He looked up at M/C with pure adoration in his eyes, electrified by the love he saw reflected in hers and the lust he felt emanating from her soul. Finally confident that they were on the same page, M/C poured all of the affection she could into every touch, every kiss. She felt his hands travel up from their place on her waist to cup her breasts through her pajama shirt, moaning at his touch. Her sounds spurred him on, letting him regain some of his confidence. If there was one thing he knew he was an expert on, it was pleasure. He played with her nipples through her clothing and treasured every noise he was able to pull from her. Each gasp, every sigh, just emboldened him more. By the time he had stripped her of her top, he was fully in his element.

“Asmo”, she begged, “please, let me touch you too”.

She shifted her weight back onto her knees to make room for her demon to get out from under her. Readjusting so they laid side-by-side facing each other, they took the moment to stare into each other’s eyes. M/C’s smile was contagious, and Asmodeus couldn’t help but smile back. She hadn’t even touched him yet and she was already better than his fantasies. He hadn’t dared to let himself imagine her loving him, and he was going to treasure every second he got with her.

Her shaking hands made their way from his abdomen up to his chest, tweaking his nipples just to hear the noise he’d make before she got to work unbuttoning his pajama shirt. The more she teased him with brief touches, the more he squirmed for her. He was this close to ripping it off himself, and he really liked this pj set - he thought it brought out his eyes. Before he could finish deciding if it was worth popping the buttons off and maybe even a few seams, he felt the soft skin of the other’s hands finally trail up and down his torso. The demon made a noise almost like a purr, reminding M/C of his inhumanity in a thrilling way.

“Touch me”, it came out more as a breathy whisper than a demand, but she listened all the same.

Leaning over him to kiss down his neck and chest, the human used one hand to support her weight near his head and the other to trail down his body, stopping to cup his growing erection through his pants. An unexpectedly loud moan cut the air as she bit gently down on his nipple and began to stroke his cock.

“Shhh baby”, she said in a voice he’d never heard from her before, “You don’t want your brothers hearing and coming in here to stop us, do you?”. It was only then that he remembered he hadn’t locked his door earlier. From the grin spreading across her face as she looked towards the door, she knew it too. Asmo had never seen her look more mischievous in the whole time he’d known her and he was living for it. He was pretty sure he was witnessing the creation of a monster and he had no regrets, except that they hadn’t done this sooner.

Taking his silence for agreement, she got up only to kneel on the floor at the edge of the bed. She motioned for him to sit up and strip, which he did gladly. She took in the sight of his cock hungrily, eyes glazed over imagining what it would feel like in her pussy. He had seen that look many times and knew exactly what was going through her mind. Still, if he didn’t tease, would he even be Asmo?

With his bottoms thrown towards his laundry hamper, he spread his legs enticingly and grabbed the base of his cock. He stroked himself slowly, seeing M/C’s eyes fixate on a drop of precome on the head.

“Do you like what you see, my dear?” She could hear the grin in his voice. It was comforting to hear him sound like his usual confident self again.

“Very much”. Her hands began to rub along his thighs, appreciating the lean muscle she felt underneath her fingertips. “Can I taste you?”

“I thought you’d never ask, darling. Show me how you worship me in your daydreams”.

Her face lit up bright red. He couldn’t know, could he? He was just guessing, it was just dirty talk… right?

Swallowing the embarrassment she felt at the idea that Asmo knew the content of her fantasies, she began to rub soothing circles into his skin and kiss up and down his inner thighs.

“Oh sweetheart, I know you do more than that in those dreams of yours. How about you keep going, and you let me know if any of this rings a bell”. At this she began nipping at his skin every few kisses, soothing over any bites she made with her tongue.

“Let’s see, I think one of my favorites so far was in the library the other day. It was you, me, Satan, and Levi studying for the upcoming Seductive Speechcraft exam. About the time we were doing our individual reading, I recall you having some particularly interesting ideas. How did it start again?”

Her hand replaced his own stroking him, placing gentle kisses on his balls. She didn’t want this to end too soon and, honestly, she was curious if he actually did know what she had been thinking or if he just picked up on her getting horny that day and was trying to mess with her.

“Ah, yes”, his breath hitched as she dragged her tongue up the length of his dick, swirling around his head, only to kiss back down his shaft. “We were studying together, the same four of us that were actually there, but Levi and Satan got up to get a snack for us all. Once they left, I turned to you and told you how beautiful you looked”.

M/C’s hand sped up, and she leaned down to start sucking on the tip of his cock, keeping a steady pressure, and feeling proud at the flush in his cheeks. Slowly, she began to take him inch by inch in her mouth.

“I think after some flirting it took a rather raunchy turn, so let’s skip to the good part. I distinctly remember you dreaming of me sticking my hand down your panties and fingering you open, whispering sweet nothings to you the whole time”. M/C’s moan was muffled by the dick halfway down her throat, sending vibrations up Asmo’s cock. The sound of pleasure he made in response caused her to rub her thighs together, her own arousal obvious.

“What happened next? I think I lost my train of thought..”. M/C had gone down on him as far as she could, her nose nestled in the well-trimmed pubic hair on his pelvis. Asmodeus threaded his hand through her hair, pulling it up into a makeshift handle. She moaned, knowing what was about to happen. Asmo giggled, appreciating how eager she was for him to use her.

“That’s right”, he stared down at the woman with hooded eyes and his cocky grin, clearly back in his element, “you begged me to fuck your face”. Gripping her hair, he pulled back and thrust back into her mouth, hard. He let out a delighted gasp as her throat constricted around his dick.

“Darling, you feel so good, you’re such a good girl for me”, M/C’s eyes rolled back at the praise and as Asmo picked up the pace of his hips, she could do nothing but relax into his grip and let him use her. As his hips stuttered, she could feel him approaching his orgasm. Asmodeus made the most erotic sound the human had ever heard as he pulled her face flush to his body and released down her throat. M/C quickly swallowed, eager for more of him. He panted gently as he came down, relaxing his grip and transitioning to slowly smoothing her hair. The pair sat there for a moment to catch their breath.

“Holy shit”, M/C was the first to break the silence.

“Holy shit is right”, Asmodeus replied with a hungry grin. He reached a hand down to pull M/C up from her knees and into his lap. The two embraced, and Asmodeus felt himself hardening again at how he could taste himself on her tongue.

“Your turn now, sweetheart”, the demon cooed. Before M/C could say a word, the world spun and suddenly Asmodeus was laying on the bed and she found herself on her knees above his face. He licked his lips in anticipation before lowering her onto his face.

Maybe it was a demon thing, or maybe it was an Asmodeus thing, but the way his tongue moved on her clit and between her labia was like nothing she had experienced before. His mouth was hot, and wet, and almost electrifying as it managed to pinpoint her every weak spot. Every time she ground her hips into his face, embracing pleasure instead of running from it like she had with so many other men before him, he rewarded her with a moan, sending vibrations up into her body. The closer that M/C got to the edge, the harder she pulled on his soft curls, forgetting her own taunts about his brothers hearing and getting progressively louder. She came with a desperate cry of his name, squirting onto his face, which the demon excitedly lapped up with his tongue. M/C rolled off of his face and flopped bonelessly onto the bed. Asmodeus wasted no time climbing on top of her and bringing their lips together yet again, this time with a ferocity she had only imagined in her most erotic dreams. The feeling of his hard cock on the soft skin of her thigh made them both shiver in anticipation.

“Are you ready for me?” Asmodeus began, “I meant it before when I said I’d make it good for you. I want to make you cum harder than you’ve ever cum before”.

“Well,” M/C said breathlessly, “mission accomplished”.

“Oh honey,” the demon laughed and his eyes began to glow again, “you have no idea what I’m capable of”.

Let me know what you guys thought! I’m going to write a second part if there’s interest. Cross-posted to AO3 with the same username. Thanks for reading <3

#Bee's writing #obey me smut #obey me asmodeus smut #obey me x reader #asmo x reader #asmodeus x reader #asmodeus smut #obey me fanfic

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polina-me · 2 months

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Jose couldn't say a word.

Standing in front of him was someone he had both loved and betrayed

— Donal?... — slowly, as if through torture, he pronounced his name. He couldn't believe his eyes.

Donald stood half-turned, looking at Jose with all the anger and hatred his soul could muster. The red dress spread over his body like wine, like... blood. He slowly raised a hand with bloody knuckles and ran it through his thick, blond hair. His real hair.

— Donal... Meu Deus, isso é tão inesperado.. I... I... Posso explicar tudo! — Jose stuttered and began to chatter rapidly, but was interrupted.

— That's enough, Jose. — Donald interrupted him in his usual voice. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He turned completely to Jose and continued — I've already figured it out.

Jose felt as if his heart had stopped.

— Não.. não.. Não, Não, Não, Não! — he quickly started repeating it, as if it would help him wake up from the nightmare he had driven himself into. — Você entendeu tudo errado, eu juro-!

— Stop, Jose. — The hardness in Donald's voice was incredibly frightening, Jose felt his body and voice tremble — I understood everything.

Donald began to walk away with a moderate step. He really wanted to run away, but his legs were too heavy. Or he was afraid of losing the pieces of a newly broken heart.

— I knew you as a handsome guy, both on the outside and inside. A very kind and incredibly confident man. — Donald stopped again and looked at Jose — I knew you as a caballero. — The whole time when Jose appeared to him in a different form flashed before his eyes. Absolutely different.

He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them to see a scared Jose standing in front of him. He even wanted to laugh. When has Jose ever been afraid?

— I loved you, Jose. — Donald admitted abruptly — I loved you and followed you. I got over my self-loathing and my fear. I put on this dress and followed you. At first, I despised myself for lying to you, that I needed to open up before it was too late. But it was too late. — the tone of the voice gained momentum, angry at himself and the man he loved, but in the end it became quiet and full of disappointment again. — If I had confessed to you, I would have found out what you really think of me. — Donald turned around and, as if embracing the force, walked away confidently, clicking his heels. — Now you can say whatever you want!

Tears were still streaming down his cheeks. He hated Jose for his lies and hypocrisy, hated himself that even so, he still loves this scoundrel.

But he won't let anyone wipe their feet on him anymore. No one will neglect him anymore. He's Donald Duck and he's had enough.

----------------------

Jose felt a wave rolling over him. No, the storm. No, a storm of emotions.

Yes, he admitted that sometimes gossiping behind the backs of his amigos, but that doesn't mean anything, right?

To lie a little there, add a couple of facts here and that's it.

Lying for good, right?

But why didn't he stop? No, why did he even start? Were all those ladies for whom he lied so artfully worth this amigos? His Donal?

No.

Now Jose is on his knees, realizing that he is alone. He was abandoned, immediately by two wonderful people.

Beautiful Anna, a femme fatale blonde and an amazing dancer.

And the same wonderful Donald. His best friend and caballero.

They turned out to be the same person and left.

How he wanted to go back in time and hit himself with all his might.

No woman was worthy of Donald Duck, but Jose realized it too late.

What should he do now?

-------------------------------------

Based on a new post @diogxnxs !

#donald duck #jose carioca #I was carried in the wrong direction

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kindheart525 · 3 months

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Astor had invited Blue to her house for the night, just the two of them and her undivided attention. She had noticed a change in her friend and she could only guess what the reason was, but she didn't like it. So here they were in Astor’s inner sanctum, the glow in the dark stars and decals Blue had gifted her covering the walls.

"Sit down Blue."

She spoke sternly, making her way over to her desk and beginning to shuffle papers.

"Tell me what's going on."

Blue had been acting a lot more quiet than usual, more shy and nothing like her confident self. She started twirling her mane nervously but willed her hooves to stop as she spoke.

“Oh it’s not much, it’s just...”

But one look over at her friend and it was clear that Astor was not convinced one bit. Something about her unlocked something in Blue, opening up the floodgates as her voice instantly choked up and tears sprung to her eyes.

“Ever since I started dating Varmint I haven’t gotten a break! I love her with all my heart and I want to be with her for a long time, but everypony seems to think I’m NOT going to treat her well!”

At this point her makeup was running down her face and she could not stop it as she spilled all her feelings out.

“Brackish thinks I’m out to hurt Venny and Cedar says I’m a bad influence on Violet for having so many lovers! Do I really seem like the kind of mare who wants to hurt ponies!? I love my girlfriend AND my sister and I...I’d never dream of doing anything to them! Not ever!”

She gripped at herself, riddled with self-hatred as she reflected on all the things ponies had said to her lately.

“But what if I AM a slut? What if I AM a bad influence, what if I do flaunt myself too much? Did I break everypony’s hearts, am I gonna break Venny’s too!? I just don’t know what to do, I...”

Blue couldn’t go on any longer, all she could do was break down into sobbing as she wallowed in her shame.

Astor continued arranging her star maps the whole time as Blue spoke. To anypony else she looked like she was ignoring her friend but in actuality she was listening very intently, evaluating the situation critically as Blue explained it all. And once she was done she immediately had her own two bits to offer.

“First of all, you should stop listening to Brackish. He’s an imbecile and he has zero credibility to talk about your sex life when he brags about his own body count constantly. Red Cedar also has no place to judge when she was looking around while in a relationship. By Gaia, I can’t be your only voice of reason here.”

She quipped in the same blunt tone she always spoke in; anypony else would have thought she was completely serious. But Blue didn’t laugh like she normally would have.

“But what if she has a point?”

Blue got up from her seat and walked up behind Astor, still sniffling and sobbing quietly.

“What if I’m only making it worse for myself by being so open? Making ponies think I’m somepony I’m not?”

“There are always going to be ponies who think you’re a slut. You can stop being open about it and leave them with nothing to use against you. You can hide it all away. Or you could just...stop giving a shit.”

“Well I didn’t until now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”

She gripped her hat to her chest, hanging on Astor’s every word for consolation even when her tone wasn’t very gentle.

Astor kept her eyes on the star maps she organized so diligently, but her voice softened ever so slightly as she went on.

“It’s because you clearly care about Varmint. Of course you care about everypony you’ve been with but you seem to be pretty intent on pursuing something long-term with her. This is not another fling.”

“Yes, more than anything, I want her to know that!”

Astor turned towards her, focusing her full and undivided attention on Blue now.

“Then tell her. Nopony has any power to stop you. Not Brackish, not Cedar, not even Gaia. You go right down to that farm and you tell her exactly how you feel.”

A smile finally returned to Blue’s face as she put her hat back on, a newfound courage growing inside her with Astor’s advice helping her.

“You’re right! If Brackish tries to stop me I’ll tell him to fuck himself! And then I’ll fuck his sister!”

She laughed and Astor chuckled along with her.

“Yes you will.”

Astor took note of Blue’s face, still stained with mascara and snot, tossing her a tissue box from her desk.

“But clean yourself up first, you’re an absolute mess. You want to look your best while doing it, don’t you?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Previous: Sister Sister Next: Penchant

Collaboration with @cloud-roots

#KindsArt #auraverse #tail curling #blue velvet #astor anomaly #story piece #next generation #my little pony #mlp fim #mlp g4

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silverraindropliliacsky · 17 days

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V3 character western zodiac sun and moon assignment. (Not based on their actual birthday, just their vibes.)

🎶Kaede🩷:

☀️Leo |🌙Aries

Kaede's core personality shines through immediately. She quickly makes friends with everyone she meets and is a natural leader. She is driven and charismatic but often talks about herself like she's nothing special indicating a low self esteem. Leo sun fits nicely for this. She also acts impulsively and is quick to feel something like an Aries moon. She doesn't give up easily and is up for any challenge, even to her own detriment.

🔍Shuichi🖤:

☀️Libra |🌙Scorpio

Shuichi is usually calm, quiet, and polite. Libras take their relationships seriously and value their connection. They also are known by the scales and balance. They are seen as lawyer types who carefully consider all sides of something before coming to a conclusion. Scorpio moons are deep thinkers who love to uncover hidden truths. They feel deeply and get depressed easily, but also rise to the challenge when necessary.

❔Rantaro💚:

☀️ Aquarius |🌙Capricorn

Not much is known about Rantaro, but much like an Aquarius sun he will occasionally say some out of pocket stuff. He is a loner and prefers to operate on his own wave length, but is also very polite and kind when interacting with others. A true humanitarian his goal has always been to end the KG. His determination and ambition land him a Capricorn moon, as these moon signs tend to be very serious minded and goal orientated. He believes he can end the KG all on his own and that motivates his actions.

🎾Ryoma💙:

☀️Cancer |🌙Virgo

Ryoma is a very sensitive guy. He is often depicted as saying uplifting and encouraging things to others while also talking down at himself, fueled by a deep self hatred. This mimics the tortured nurturer that exists in cancer sun people. His Virgo moon further exemplifies his self-critical nature. He has a high standard of ethics for himself and others, and when he let himself down he became unable to forgive himself.

🐛Gonta💚:

☀️Taurus |🌙Cancer

Taurians are dutiful, dependable people who enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Gonta is, like the bull, a gentle giant. But when pushed to see red he is capable of great harm. But this isn't what he's known for. Gonta would be perfectly content to spend his days sitting in a field of soft grass looking at bugs, just like a Taurus personality. His Cancer moon shows his soft core, he is protective and full of the ability to love and feel deeply.

🧹Kirumi🤍:

☀️Virgo |🌙Capricorn

Kirumi is a Virgo because she is neat, meticulous, and holds herself to a perfection standard. Others do the same because of her Capricorn moon she is great at following through with what she sets out to do. Not one to be blinded by her emotions she plans each step carefully and moves forward with confidence that she is making the correct decision and will achieve her goal.

🪄Himiko❤️:

☀️ Pisces |🌙 Aquarius

Himiko is basically in her own little world for a lot of the game. She believes in magic and the mystic side of life, like Pisces she is very emotional and finds herself constantly trying to stay afloat. She turns to escapism through Angie when it all becomes too much. However, there is duality. Her Aquarius moon gives her strength to stand on her own two feet when the time comes, and keeps her focused on not succumbing to harmful behavior. At her core she is good, just a bit unorthodox.

🎨Angie💛:

☀️ Aquarius |🌙Gemini

Angie also operates to the beat of her own drum. Aquarians are rebels at heart and will often do their own thing instead of following the status quo. She isn't afraid to accuse anyone during trials, even people she trusts and likes because she trusts herself more. She wants to keep the peace and convince everyone to adapt to their surroundings to achieve that goal. She is able to disconnect from her past life without much of a fight because of her Gemini moon. This moon makes her adaptable, sociable, and creative.

💪Tenko💚:

☀️ Sagittarius |🌙Libra

Tenko is well traveled and unafraid to say her truth. She is also able to adapt but like a fire sign, she has her own truth and goals that she will always stick to. Sagittarian people are explorers pioneers and leaders, but they're able to take a back seat when needed. Her libra moon lends her balance and her primary motivation is the relationships she seeks. Tenko can make quick judgements but at her heart she seeks fairness.

🎎Korekiyo🖤:

☀️Gemini |🌙 Pisces

Gemini sun people have much duality in them, and Geminis are also known to be very intelligent and curious people. Fascinated by people and culture Kiyos surface motivation fit a Gemini profile. A well traveled recluse he exists in the in-between. His Pisces moon airs him towards having wild, deep, often uncontrollable emotions. He feels his family bonds and there is a disconnect between what he feels is right and what is reality. Pisces and Gemini are both volatile and agents of duality and complexity.

🧪Miu🩷:

☀️ Aquarius |🌙Leo

Aquarians curious nature, out of the box thinking, rebellion streak, and urge to benefit human kind all amalgamate into Mius whole deal. The way she expresses that deal is with all grand bravado of the powerful fixed Leo, and all of the wavering self doubt of the powerful fixed Leo. She knows shes the shit, and likes what she does, but she also deeply craves validation from everyone around her. When her authority is put into question she doesn't know what to do with herself, because from her perspective, it's obvious she is worth listening too.

🔪Maki❤️:

☀️Scorpio |🌙Capricorn

Scorpio is deeply misunderstood, so is Maki. A horrible childhood, a great burden places on her shoulders, but still she has softness within her. She falls deeply in love and shows true loyalty when she aids Shuichis lie despite knowing the truth. She is to the point and her words cut deep, but she is also one of the nicest people. Her Capricorn moon keeps her grounded and allows her to achieve great feats one might not expect from someone her size. She is able to get a hold of her feelings pretty reasonably, despite feeling so very deeply. But she can still be pushed too far and will act out with a quick and powerful force. Scorpios are representative of death, beauty, and passion/love and Capricorns are about personal growth and standards.

💫Kaito💜:

☀️Leo |🌙 Sagittarius

All bark no bite, big bad Leo charges into a room with a bright smile on his face and proudly declares that he will rescue everyone because he just knows he will. But he knows that's a lie. He doesn't care though, he can trick himself if he keeps pushing forward and his Sagittarius moon allows him to do just so. Once Kaito has a goal in mind there is no stopping him, to the bitter end he will fight for what he believes in. He is easy to befriend and creates a solid friendship that serves as the primary motivation for our protagonist. A true fire sign in action.

🏁Kokichi💜:

☀️Gemini |🌙Scorpio

Oh boy. Are these both very controversial signs? Yes. Is Kokichi a very controversial character? Also big yes. Gemini sun means Kokichi is smart, resourceful, sneaky/clever, sociable, adaptive, and fun loving. I think these qualities pair nicely with him. It's not all fun and games though, Kokichi is very complicated and hard to understand. Scorpio moons feel so deeply, and like shuichi, Kokichi wants to understand what is going on more than anything. The truth is his motivation, he lies but he seeks the truth, and will say or do anything to get that truth. He isn't evil, but he's not above being the villain, if it means he can achieve his goal. He can be both self-sacrificing, and also easily manipulates others into sacrificing on his behalf. Whenever Kokichi goes, whatever he does, people will pay attention. Actors are some of the most emotional people, people with great empathy make terrific liars.

🤖Kiibo🩶:

☀️Pisces |🌙 Aquarius

Kiibo as a Pisces may seem strange at first because people don't usually associate the deep emotional (fish-like) nature of the Pisces with the cold, logical mind of a robot... To that I say, that's robophobic. Kiibo is emotional as heck, gets offended easily, flustered easily. He totally loses his cool and blows up the whole school I mean common, total Pisces. However, he is still a machine, so yes his moon, his emotional core, is the quirky Aquarius. He wants to do the right thing for everyone, he isn't quick to make decisions, and usually will listen to reason and make logical choices.

👕Tsumugi💙:

☀️ Aquarius |🌙Capricorn

Even before the reveal Tsumugi is a little off. She constantly makes out of pocket, niche references. She never seems to be bothered by ego or self esteem, and just generally seems detached. A Capricorn moon would give her the nerve needed to mastermind all these horrible events without even flinching, and an Aquarius sun would give her the drive and desire to do so in the first place. Air signs are smart and adaptable and earth signs are grounded and determined. Tsumugi embodies all of these traits. Also both of these signs are known for having dry and quirky humor, and Tsumugi makes a joke nearly every time she is on screen.

#danganronpa #drv3 #zodiac

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maya-matlin · 1 month

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hi my love!!!! 💞💕💗 so I'm rewatching riverdale and wanted to ask you something if you don't mind?? you know I ship bhva and barchie but I just wanted to hear why you love bughead over barchie? I've heard you talk about it before and sorry if you're tired of answering this question lol also is there anything that would've made you ship barchie, like if they write them differently or anything?? ily 😘😘

Hi! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ No, it's okay. To be honest, so much of the reason why I prefer Bughead is that I'm more inclined to prefer that type of couple. Riverdale barely allowed Betty and Jughead to have a friendship pre-Bughead, but something I liked is that they weren't necessarily spending time together and bonding with the idea of falling in love. There was no expectation that it was going to turn into the super serious relationship it was. But, Betty and Jughead bonded over investigating and seeing each other through family problems and came to realize that they were much more similar and compatible than they'd thought. They had this effortless ease and were very passionate about each other. Neither had to change or downplay part of who they were just to feel loved by the other. Betty and Jughead loved all of each other, including each other's flaws. They found a very sweet home and stability within each other. And on top of that, they seemed to have a lot of passion and excitement within the relationship. Rather than adhering to the idea of what couples are supposed to do, they had their own stuff. They discussed investigations in bed and considered searching for clues in the woods a date night. Bughead's relationship was just.. so distinctly them. They shared every aspect of their lives with each other and FELT like best friends in love. It felt like endgame, honestly. Riverdale's writing was always questionable, but in this case their romantic relationship was very well defined. They'd created a couple so ridiculously compatible that only poorly executed plot devices and attempts to bring back years old baggage successfully tore them apart "for good". But even during the time jump years, the handful of times Betty and Jughead were allowed to talk or exist in the same story line and have real conversations, that connection always shone through. It was difficult (at least for me) to see how they couldn't be together when the characters almost demanded they be paired up.

When it comes to Betty's relationship with Archie, it started off as a so-so thing with the potential to turn into something really sweet. At least in season 1. Betty became a much stronger, happier, more confident version of herself once she got over Archie and found love with someone who actually understood her. Once Riverdale finally got around to exploring a romance between Betty and Archie, it came across to me that Betty was a shell of her former self, almost acting out of self hatred, and felt so down on herself that she kept forcing herself to become the ideal partner for Archie while he was allowed to get everything he ever wanted without any attempts to be a better or particularly decent partner to Betty. There's a version of Riverdale where Betty and Archie ending up together could have been a satisfying, full circle ending. The problem is, the concept was abandoned so early on that the most memorable, strongest part of the series seemed dedicated to setting up something much different. Betty no longer felt like the woman who was supposed to end up with Archie. I never bought that Betty felt nearly as loved and as seen as she did with Jughead. On Archie's end, it never felt as though he was particularly passionate about Betty either and just kind of settling for whoever might give him a family.

For me to ship this couple, Archie would have had to be a different type of character. I found myself disliking adult Archie more often than not and felt as though a sexist narrative surrounded the entire BA relationship. Not to mention the way the season 4 cheating played out and Betty and Archie's involvement post-high school. Other shows weren't afraid to explore love triangles between best friends being fucking damaging. On shows like Dawson's Creek and One Tree Hill, it took years for those wounds to heal. Even after they did, the trust issues remained and it took actual effort for things to be even remotely "fine" afterwards. On Riverdale, Jughead and Veronica were hurt by Betty and Archie but weren't allowed to voice their pain TO BETTY AND ARCHIE. So it's like this wasted potential not only for drama, but for the catharsis factor of Veronica and Jughead being allowed to speak their piece. Betty seemed to carry guilt over what happened and struggled for years with self worth as a result. Archie? He just kind of got the red carpet rolled out for him when he returned from the army and never had to deal with any sort of backlash or anything that would complicate things for his life. And that's the kind of character I could never ship with Betty. Bad writing aside, Archie is the kind of person who could be living with and planning a future with Veronica in one episode and in bed with Betty, her best friend and the person he cheated with in high school, in the very next episode.

#userlaylivia #Long post #This is so long #I'm sorry #Riverdale is going to haunt me forever JFC

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laura-de-milf · 1 year

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I'm SO fascinated by the completely antithetical readings I've been seeing of Laura de Mille across posts, reviews, promo, comments etc. Is she foundationally inclined to evil? Is she a self-loathing little meow meow overcompensating for her guilt over actions which go against her otherwise-decent morals? Is she the ex-villain, not to be trusted, or has she never done anything wrong in her life? Is she power-hungry and ruthless? Was she coerced, exploited, forced into an oppressive system from which she was't able to or didn't know how to escape? Does she thrive in a position of leadership or is she longing to be an equal part of a team? Is she confident in herself and does she have a strong sense of what she wants? Or is she self-flagellating and repressing aspects of her true personality? Is she forced to do so for external reasons or does she repress those parts of herself out of shame?

The funny thing is, all of these perceptions are valid at the same time because there's evidence to support all of it. She has done really horrific things in the decades she spent sending innocent people off to war, and the only explanation she's given so far has been to defend those actions as "making useful agents" of them all. But she was employed to do so by an institution which would similarly exploit her and her friends if she didn't take utmost care to hide her meta-nature and comply to some extent. She clearly takes some degree of pride in her position of power--and yet we only see her genuinely smile when she's included in a group dynamic; she expresses fear of a future in which she's completely alone. She openly and regularly takes responsibility for her sins, even making a self-deprecating drinking game of it, and is quick to fuel Rita's ire as penance--while also asserting, "No, I am not evil!" when faced with this direct accusation. Yes, she ended up turning her found-family in to the Bureau, but the anguish on her face and the tears in her eyes and the desperation in her voice as she pled with the agents not to use force signal that, despite whatever circumstances led to the raid, she truly cares about the Sisterhood, and at that point she was beyond the ability to hide her feelings from every agent in the room.

What she personally believes and wants for herself seems to be fundamentally at odds with the reality of her living situation (and given that 4x01 comment about her war-profiteering family, her upbringing); in order to cope with this, she has had to create a heavy binary between herself and her work: between the Sisterhood, her meta ability, a sense of belonging, self-expression, an endless joy--Laura de Mille; versus the Bureau (and later Brotherhood of Evil), the pursuit of power as a means of security, straight-laced compliance, fulfilment of duty and responsibility, an impenetrable hatred--Madame Rouge.

She is so fundamentally full of conflict and it's tearing her apart.

It's almost like she has two distinct sides to her personality, each wrestling for full control and constantly forcing her to choose between one or the other. Is she good or evil? Hero or villain? Leader or follower? Laura de Mille or Madame Rouge?

If this is the very intentional way that the show has adapted Comic!Rouge's dual personality--by giving Show!Rouge the subtler but very realistic challenge of being a single person forced to reckon with a fierce dichotomy between her own morals, desires, relationships, guilt, trauma, and society's expectations of her--it's damn fucking brilliant.

#losing my sanity over this fictional character again #dang I'm sorry this turned into a whole essay #I just have a lot of thoughts about her. It's fine. This is normal.#madame rouge #doom patrol #laura de mille #thoughts.txt

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johnwicklover1999 · 4 months

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oooo everyday i wake up and grit my stupid fucking teeth and brush my stupid curly hair and i must look myself in the face and i lament how i have come to worrying over doubting my grandpa because the cherokee are the largest tribe in the us and also famously known as "the tribe that pretendians claim to be" oooo i must acknowledge my being mixed to high hell and having zero cultural attachments to any of my lineages and i must worry if i will ever be, or if i am a 'real' cherokee or if i am nothing more than a cherokee princes pretendian and my grief, yearning, mourning, self-doubt, distrust, hatred, and very small moments of delight and joy so valuable i cling to them like lifelines, will always be for naught.

(heads up, i accidentally wrote a massive rant/vent under the read more, focused entirely on racial imposter syndrome and the like)

i experience the same thing being choctaw, but to a lesser degree.

it's just that the sheer magnitude of cherokee 'pretendians' makes me feel like no matter what, as an individual and in a community of any sort, i would be the pretendian in the room. the word pretendian has started to sound disgusting to me because of how long i spend fretting over the possibility that i am inherently a pretendian because of my mixedness and culture-less life. i want to reconnect, but do i have that right? will i ever have that right? am i a fool for asking any questions? should i know better?

i think a part of me hopes for this bizarre fantasy of someone of a culture/heritage of mine will for whatever reason have the authority to just tell me to quit and go home, and that i'm not a real whatever, so that at the very least my feelings will become irrational and i will stop having to try, because i have been given a definite answer that i do not belong

blood quantum creates weird fantasies i guess. it's like i'm just biding my time and waiting until the day(s) i can muster any kind of confidence or courage or whatever to do something big, and really make the effort, just for some full-blooded person to stand before me, push me back and tell me i'm not a real choctaw/cherokee.

and it's not like i really want that..? but it's such a reoccurring thought because that sense of imposter syndrome and the endless worry is always hounding me relentlessly, and has my whole life. and now there's more things to worry about and feel like an imposter of? i know i'm wasting time, energy, and opportunities because i'm so stuck in my head. so if i (or my anxieties) are right and i am a fake, a pretendian, then all of that time debating idiotic and plain mean "what if"s would lead me to a correct answer.

i guess i also fantasize about that so much because i'm deeply afraid of it. so terrified that i guess it starts to look like the better option, to have that fear come true and be final rather than spend my life fulfilling my dreams with the possibility of both denial and acceptance.

god idk, yesterday i had a really weird encounter with a teacher who was uncomfortably adamant that i am not native and class related stuff today just made that feeling worse so i've been sick with doubt, nerves/insecurity, and now grief.

(the weird encounter in question- there's a bit more context and whatnot, but this is pretty much it ⬇️)

dawg this shit is so fucked up

i have so much love for choctaw and cherokee people as wholes, and so many dreams and desires to give to the people, and to learn from them, and to find myself and find beauty in those two parts of myself through cultures i already find to be so, so beautiful. and yet i almost yearn to be denied validity in my ancestors just so i don't feel sick whenever the word "pretendian" is mentioned, just so all the fear stops and my mind will quit entertaining the ideas of entire peoples rejecting me just so i can be done with it all and let the hurt fester before eventually letting all my care, sentiment, and affections die so the intertwined yearning, mourning, hatred, fear, insecurity, and joy can cease, effectively severing the attachments i have developed to my cultures. that's kind of sick, right? under no circumstances do i want to live a life where the blood my differing ancestors gave me, full of life and blessings and heritage- beauty to take pride in, becomes meaningless to me. jesus fuck, that sounds awful!

#brutus.txt #i did Not mean to talk this much and get so vulnerable lol??? ok bitch i Guess #reconnecting native

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seraphinalcpz · 10 months

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𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌 . 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 . 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐘 . 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐒 . 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 .

meet ╲ SERAPHINA LOPEZ

BECKY G & SHE/HER/CIS FEMALE ⸻ i saw SERAPHINA LOPEZ coming through the trees. the TWENTY SIX year old was fleeing from MIAMI, FLORIDA when they came across novac, and have sought salvation within the motel of purgatory. SERAPHINA has been in town for FOUR YEARS and has been assigned as an/a STABLEHAND to keep society running smoothly. no matter what, they will find something to fight for.

— BASICS

NAME: Seraphina Lopez

AGE / D.O.B.: 26 / tbd

GENDER, PRONOUNS & SEXUALITY: cisfemale. she/her bisexual

HOMETOWN: Miami, Florida

JOB POSITION: stablehand

EDUCATION: currently attempting to get an associate’s degree in computer science

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single.

CHILDREN: NONE.

POSITIVE TRAITS: alert , bold , driven , compassionate , confident

NEGATIVE TRAITS: discreet , unforthcoming , blunt , irritable , resentful

❝ 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞— 𝐈 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭. ❞

✦ — BASICS

FULL NAME: Seraphina Carmen Lopez

NICKNAME: Seraphina or Sapphire

BIRTHDAY: tbd

GENDER: female

HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 5′5″ and 115 lbs

ORIENTATION: bisexual

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single

OCCUPATION: stablehand

❝ 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞—𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐩, 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐞, 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐧, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞. ❞

𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 , 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐬 & 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐬 : yes / yes / yes .

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 : the thrill of late night adventures , the smell of leather , drive in movies , high fashion trends, beauty products , and red velvet lipstick.

𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 : liars , waiting in long lines , losing

𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬 : collecting old vinyls, writing , listening to music , and taking long walks to clear her mind

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 : n/a

𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬 : ambitious , careful , adventurous , honest , direct , open-minded , decisive , independent , spontaneous , passionate, loyal

𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬 : impulsive , indecisive , ruthless , reckless

𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 : mabel mora (only murders in the building), cher (clueless) , elle woods (legally blonde) , caroline forbes (the vampire diaries) , ginny (ginny & georgia) and jackie burkhart (that 70s show)

✦ BACKGROUND

♔ —— Society says that girls can’t be pretty, smart, and funny all at once. Seraphina completely missed that memo. and not exactly in a girl power kind of way, more of an i’m better than everybody else kind of way. So Seraphina had an ego. So what? it’s true: she is pretty. she is smart. she is funny. her confidence in her god-given gifts grated some people, of course. but she was a magnetic force, whether you liked her or not.

♔ —— Seraphina is a tough girl who knows what she wants and how to get it.

♔ —— Seraphina had a normal childhood. she was raised by his parents in Miami, Florida.

♔ —— Seraphina can be described as “a girl that always gets her way, referring to how she tends get what she wants easier than other people might. Jasmine does have a dark side like everyone does. Seraphina is a bit of wild child and a rebel.

♔ —— She can be an emotional rollercoaster when it comes to her state of mind depending on the situation.

♔ —— Seraphina can be a bit fragile when it comes opening up to anyone emotionally or otherwise.

♔ —— Seraphina is a hopeless romantic but when it comes to someone she finds attractive she gets tongue-tied and stutters in front of them.

♔ —— Seraphina is very much a mess of contradictions. she loves the feeling of being wanted, but at the same time worries that people are looking at her for the wrong reasons. She loves the person she’s becoming, but deep down, she can’t quite overcome the self-hatred that has been ingrained in her. She’s caught between who she really is and who she wants to be, and sometimes she gets a little lost in the midst of it. On the outside, however, Seraphina's is outspoken and opinionated. She won’t hesitate to tell you how she’s feeling, positive or negative. She’s fiercely protective of her friends, and extremely loyal. She’s passionate, fiery, and headstrong. those who really know her, however, might catch glimpses of her more vulnerable side. She treats those she holds dear like absolute gold and would go to the ends of the earth for them. On the flip side of that, though, she holds a grudge like no other, and finds it hard to forgive those who have wronged her.

♔ —— more to be added

✦ WANTED PLOTS

mutual crushes

friends with benefits

frenemies

her ride or die

always open to more

#lastintro #𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐙 ⧽❛ ʸᵒᵘ'ˡˡ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᵘⁿˡᵉˢˢ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵃˡᵏ ⁱⁿ ᵐʸ ˢʰᵒᵉˢ ❜ 「 about 」

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saintmeghanmarkle · 11 months

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Could Harry possibly share a genetic illness with Kaiser Wilhelm II? Harry initiated his war against the press because he believes they are out to destroy him and Kaiser Wilhem II initiated war against England France and Russia because he believed they had conspired to annihilate Germany. by u/Cat_Woman_238

Could Harry possibly share a genetic illness with Kaiser Wilhelm II? Harry initiated his war against the press because he believes they are out to destroy him, and Kaiser Wilhem II initiated war against England, France, and Russia because he believed they had conspired to annihilate Germany. I see parallels in some of Harry's behavior to the personality portraits of his cousin, Kaiser Wilhelm II, the last emperor of Germany and king of Prussia. Each of them is descended from Queen Victoria. Queen Victoria's eldest daughter, Victoria, was Wilhelm's mother. Queen Victoria's son, Edward VII, was the great-grandfather of HLMTQ, Queen Elizabeth II, making Harry and Kaiser Wilhelm II cousins. Doctors attributed all of Kaiser Wilhelm's personality flaws to his very difficult breech delivery which left one arm disabled. However, is it possible that even without the injury and his hypoxia immediately following the delivery, the Kaiser suffered from a genetic weakness from which Harry also suffers?Thomas Nipperdey, a German historian, describes Kaiser Wilhelm's personality this way:"...gifted, with a quick understanding, sometimes brilliant, with a taste for the modern,—technology, industry, science—but at the same time superficial, hasty, restless, unable to relax, without any deeper level of seriousness, without any desire for hard work or drive to see things through to the end, without any sense of sobriety, for balance and boundaries, or even for reality and real problems, uncontrollable and scarcely capable of learning from experience, desperate for applause and success,—as Bismarck said early on in his life, he wanted every day to be his birthday—romantic, sentimental and theatrical, unsure and arrogant, with an immeasurably exaggerated self-confidence and desire to show off, a juvenile cadet, who never took the tone of the officers' mess out of his voice, and brashly wanted to play the part of the supreme warlord, full of panicky fear of a monotonous life without any diversions, and yet aimless, pathological in his hatred against his English mother."[30]In Harry's case, perhaps we could substitute English grandmother?British historians found that Kaiser Wilhelm wrote, "Ruthlessness and weakness will start the most terrifying war of the world, whose purpose is to destroy Germany. Because there can no longer be any doubts, England, France and Russia have conspired themselves together to fight an annihilation war against us".[73] Some people would call that paranoia on a grand scale, a paranoia which unfortunately resided in the mind of a man with a world-class army and navy.During the war, Kaiser Wilhelm II had no power. They kept him busy with military parades, speeches, and awards - does that sound familiar?Harry's power on the world-stage cannot compare to Kaiser Wilhelm's. But can his paranoia compare?Is it possible there is a genetic condition which causes these symptoms?Kaiser Wilhelm II at 18 - he resembles HLMTQ Elizabeth II at the same age post link: https://ift.tt/MtSkVhN author: Cat_Woman_238 submitted: July 30, 2023 at 07:05PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

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orphancookie69 · 11 months

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Rant: The Szondi Test!

So the other day on Tiktok I came across a shorter version of what is called the Szondi test. They had me pick one person, the person I would least want with me in an elevator and they said it said something about my subconscious. It ended up being absurdly right. But before we go into those results and more, let’s do some research.

So first of all, what is the test? Who is Szondi? He is a very interesting fellow, his test is one of the more unique ones I have seen (the results are more accurate than most too). Honestly I was going to type something here after reading, but it is a much better read to do on ones own: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Szondi_test.

I went into the test blind, but you get to do it right by knowing something about it! So now, let’s do the smaller version of the test:

Same question, which one of these fine people do you not want to be stuck in an elevator with? Pick a number and check the link to see what it says about you. More info here: https://www.boredpanda.com/psychoanalytical-personality-test-leopold-szondi/

For full disclosure and vulnerability, my results were #3:

That, being honest is on point. So, this made me want to jump in and take the real test. And I FOUND IT! Here is the full test: https://psytests.org/classic/szondien.html

What were my results? Here they are...

Vector S: The Sexual Drive: The dominance of personal love. Infantile or senile sexuality with aggressiveness.

Vector P: The Paroxysmal Drive: Inner panic, anxiety caused by excessive existential or erotic stimuli. Immobilization: sensorimotor deficits.

Vector Sch: The Schizophrenic, or Ego Drive: Primacy of the intellect. The predominance of the illusion that something impossible to be done. The feeling «I am abnormal». The eternal blockage. Inability to contact. Egocentrism. Restlessness, excitement and anxiety. Constant refusals, avoidance, self-suppression, while the person wants to be everything. Eternal failure and yet an eternal rivalry. Stubborn insurance measures against the underlying autism. Fear of guilt and punishment. Barricading behind shame and disgust barriers.

Vector C: The Contact Drive: Faithful attachment. Sticking and clinging to the old object.

So, what does this mean in more normal terms? Let’s look into the sectors first...

Vector S: the h-drive need, (named after hermaphroditism, which represents the needs for personal or collective love, tenderness, motherliness, passivity, femininity, bisexuality),[7][8]the sadist drive need

Vector P: the e-drive need (named after epilepsy, which represents coarse emotions such as anger, hatred, rage, envy, jealousy and revenge, which simmer until they are suddenly and explosively discharged as if in a seizure, to the surprise and shock of other people),[7][8]the hysteric drive need

Vector Sch: the katatonic drive need, the paranoid drive need

Vector C: the depressive drive need the maniac drive need[9]

Then let’s apply it to me:

My Vector S: In my personal relationship, I am the dominant one. I actually tend to think of my self as indecisive, and yet when I sit and think about it...I am pretty decisive in my relationship. I don’t totally want to be, but because I have had to be, I tend to do it with more ease. The next line I believe means sexual preferences.

My Vector P: Inner panic, always worrying...being a worry wart? The next line sounds to me like what would cause someone to be an introvert, or not being able to handle a lot of conflicting negative energy. Funny how much sexual stuff is coming up but I used to be way more of a chocolate/vanilla gal (if ya know what I mean).

My Vector Sch: My guess would be intellectual, but when I look this up I get religious references. Thinking the impossible needs to be done, speaks to a lack of self confidence to me. The feeling of what is wrong with me? Feeling blocked always, but is that brought on by me? I often times have issues speaking up or asking for help. I don’t think I have egocentrism, but I do have a hard time connecting with others (usually women). Restless, excitement, anxiety-sounds like a classic gemini. Self-Suppression but wanting to be everything seems like peace keeper to me. Fear of failure, being a perfectionist. Too stubborn to have an issue? I actually can’t stand being yelled at. Hiding in a modern era behind old soul societal norms and ideas?

My Vector C: I am absurdly loyal, maybe even a little bit clingy. I do love old objects, but this could also mean keeping an ex or two friendly for future hope or women’s famous “back up plans”.

How does a test from 1935 that no one talks about get it that damn right? Be gentle to yourself, this test is old. It is also worth it to look into the results and sit with them a bit. Take the one image test, take the full test! Can you face your own test results?

#rant #psychology #subconscious #the szondi test #tiktok #social media #leopold szondi #depressive drive #maniac drive #paranoid drive #katatonic drive #e drive #hysteric drive #h drive #sadist drive

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crossdressingdeath · 1 year

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Alaris Lavellan, 5, 17, 22, 23, 33, 42, 44?

Ooh, excellent, more! Questions from this ask game, feel free to send more.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? Notebook and pencil for notes on Interesting Things, money, a couple knives, a small vial of poison (hey, you never know), an antidote to said vial of poison (you never know), lyrium potions, health potions, some elfroot, a map of the area when possible... Are Alaris's pockets secretly Fade pockets so he can fit all this stuff? He'll never tell.

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? A little wooden halla his mother carved for him when he was a baby. He brought the thing with him everywhere, it's honestly a miracle he didn't lose it earlier than he did.

22. What does your character like in other people? Confidence, intelligence, strength, and a somewhat sarcastic sense of humour. Also he does like a sense of authority, provided it's not being misused. He's also a big fan of people with a firm belief in mage and elf rights and religious freedom, which... did cause some issues with the companions.

23. What does your character dislike in other people? Chantry leanings. Note that that's not necessarily the same as Andrastian leanings; Alaris still doesn't like Andrastians much, but he tolerates ones like Varric who don't go all in on the "mages are evil, elves are further from the Maker, the Dalish are savages" shit a lot better than the real Chantry faithful like Cassandra and Cullen. He also has a strong hatred of people who abuse their authority and especially Templars. Also if you so much as suggest that mages deserve to be locked up or elves should be in alienages... well, you're going to have to do a lot of work to make him so much as not hate you after that!

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? It depends on the type of criticism to some extent; any criticism that suggests he should be more Andrastian or less Dalish or less of a mage or more obedient to the Chantry is going to get fury. But in terms of fair criticism he tends towards self-deprecation, especially if it's a criticism he already agrees with. He's fully prepared to improve, but especially as his time with the Inquisition drags on he becomes more and more likely to respond with "Yeah, I really suck, huh", even if only in a "joking" way.

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? I mean there's Anders, but he's not quite old enough to really be a proper parental figure. Sort of a weird hybrid father/older brother figure. But there's also Keeper Deshanna; Alaris wasn't actually born into Clan Lavellan (he took the name just in case anyone recognized the name of his birth clan from. certain incidents), but Keeper Deshanna took him in as her First without hesitation—even if that was largely because Clan Lavellan was in desperate need of more mages—and treated him like her own son from day one. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to repay her for that, but it's okay because she insists he doesn't owe her anything. Essentially he was not surprised to learn she'd sent word to the Inquisition requesting his return, even if he was worried about the consequences drawing the Chantry's attention like that would be. Also, fun fact: Alaris didn't give anyone his full name until Keeper Deshanna sent word and revealed his connection to her clan. He would've refused point-blank to give a clan name the entire time he was with the Inquisition if she hadn't claimed him.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? He can say it very easily without meaning it. He's an excellent liar. It's... a lot harder for him to say it and mean it. Fake emotions are a lot easier to work with than real emotions, after all! Although it's very difficult for him to say "I love you" without meaning it if he does have real feelings for the person in question. For example he doesn't love Dorian and Bull at first, but he respects and likes them far too much to lie about it. He could very easily have looked... say, Cassandra or Cullen in the eye and claimed to love them (it would've disgusted him, but he could have done it without any real difficulty), but Dorian and Bull? No, he couldn't do that to them. The feelings came pretty quickly, but he couldn't bring himself to actually say the words until just before the final battle against Corypheus, and that was half because he was a little worried that if he didn't say it then he'd never get the chance, as well as him just wanting to say it.

#dragon age inquisition #alaris lavellan #ask games #asks #thornfield13713

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deviant3lover · 2 years

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💥🌙 🔮❤️ for your step? perhaps?

Heya Lovelies! Of course! I love talking about Markus!!

💥 Are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? Any reason behind this?

Markus despises his own vulnerability and hurt. He has been betrayed, abandoned, sold out- used. Played for a fool by people he loved. He has his masks and facades to cover up his wounds by default, but on the inside, he has no shortage of self-hatred for his perceived weaknesses.

He doesn’t know how to deal with people who genuinely loving him for who he is. Even back as Sidestep, there were a lot of crucial key info that he kept hidden for good reasons. Someone like Chen knowing who he is, and liking him- trusting him even, has him believing he unconsciously used his telepathy on Chen to get that result.

Even in the best case scenario where his loved ones know he’s a Re-Gene and a reformed villain, the fact that they know about sensitive info on him has him alert and uncomfortably aware of this. Like knowing your lover is scrolling and exploring your phone with your consent. You may have allowed them to do so, but you’re still very aware of what they’re doing, and how things had lead up to that moment.

I think that unless he goes to therapy to address this, Markus will always unconsciously dismiss the feelings his loved ones have for him. Years of hiding your complete authentic self away leaves its own wounds, and Markus finds it easier to emotionally distance himself in his relationships until they look like the ones that he’s had before as Sidestep: being a confidant to many, but not trusting anyone else the same way with his own scars and vulnerabilities.

🌙 What are some of your OC’s favourites? Favourite food, colour, season, stuff like that! Give some general simple facts that tend to get overlooked!

Markus LOVES monochromatic scales, especially black. The colours are neutral, and can be paired with almost any other colour, or be just as good by themselves.

He loves loves LOVES sweets! But he is especially partial to those that have an equal icing-to-cake ratio. He can enjoy and appreciate sweets that don’t fall under this rule, but he wouldn’t personally go for them. (E.g. Mooncakes, cheesecakes, cupcakes, etc.)

Outside of that, he’s pretty partial to seafood. Especially eel and octopus. Fish is a staple, and a cheaper favourite of his as well.

He has a pretty sweet love for winter as a season. The delicious seasonal treats aside, the season holds many fond memories for him. Christmas is one of the few times that Markus would let himself get sentimental and softer for. Many Christmas parties were had among friends, and it was most likely one of the few ways people could actually draw him out to socialise for once. It’s a special occasion with lots of food, so he lets himself go for that if nothing else.

He loves the night. He loves the full moon. The latter was the first real beautiful thing he had seen after living a deceptive life as a spy, surrounded by people whose lives were dominated by artifice and manipulation.

It was under the full moon that he christened himself his new name. He had his own private ceremony for it.

As Sidestep, his mindscape was a deep blue night, stars in the sky with the full moon a glowing celestial body in the sky. As Knight, the sky is fractured like the shards of a broken mirror.

And the moon is nowhere to be seen.

🔮 What does your OC think is their best trait. What is actually their best trait? What about their flaws? Are they one to admit these flaws or do they like to pretend they’re perfect?

Markus would think his best trait is diligence. In truth, his best trait is tenacity.

Whether it’s Sidestep or Knight, Markus is relentless. He was a workaholic as Sidestep, one that never gave up. He never stopped working on himself, his skills, his missions- and he brought up people with him. Sidestep was a confidant for Anathema, Ashfall, and Ortega. He gave them advice on how to be better, acted as their anchor when they started to doubt.

He was completely devoted to what he was doing- and reused his skills as a spy- and his new skills as a hero- to hunt and destroy villainous groups and organisations by himself.

That same trait still holds true even as he became a villain. He was tortured for years, and in his eyes, was abandoned to die by his friends through their failure to come look for him. Save him even. Between them having ‘forgotten’ and abandoned him, the Farm always hunting for him- shadowed faces hidden in the woodwork where he’d never find them all, and his fate as a Re-Gene to never be safe or free,

Markus could’ve killed himself right then and there.

The only reason why he didn’t is because of his rage. The determination to at least kill his tormentors for what they’ve done- before he kills himself.

This has been his greatest virtue ever since he was born.

Markus had always lived with the odds constantly stacked against him: when you’re born weak, born with nothing, born with issues that give you every reason to give up- it’s only through sheer determination that makes you survive and even thrive from all the problems life as thrown at you.

It may not have been created from a devotion to himself (rather, out of love for a mother who never loved him), but it stayed with him for the rest of his life.

In the same vein, Markus would say his greatest flaw is paranoia. His actual greatest flaw is his wrath.

It’s true his paranoia is a pretty big flaw, but the difference is that he could exploit it to become something good. Making plans, contingencies, double checking- trusting his gut and preparing for the worst. Using it to protect the things and people he values, to destroy his enemies.

His wrath only serves to blind him.

It’s not a surprise. Markus has never lived a happy life. One of the closest he’s ever got was a life before Sidestep- and even that is gone because he had to leave. The life he’d built, the people he’d love back then: they weren’t safe with him around.

Another was his life as Sidestep. But even then, it was rife with lies and secrets.

He forced himself to calm down when confronting Argent, reminding himself of the situation she’s in. He’s argumentative with Steel. He punched Herald and forced himself to calm down- again- by reminding himself that he didn’t mean any harm.

He wanted to kill Ortega on that hospital bed. He bitterly cut things off at the beach, too sick with rage and nausea at Ricardo to think straight if he even heard his name, let alone be around him.

Markus is far more aggressive than who he used to be as Sidestep. There’s a part of him that genuinely enjoys hurting people: one that he pointedly ignores and pushes down because it’s detrimental to the mission. He laughs over Chen’s genuine desire and offer to help him, because the Marshal had nearly gotten assassinated just for trying to investigate what happened. Part of him is pissed off that Chen would try to offer when he can barely keep himself and his team together: even when he knows the truth of who he is. Part of him lashes out because of how hurt he feels over Chen apparently trying to romance him when he still has Ricardo in his mind.

His aggression makes him more reckless. More brutal. Not necessarily in fights, but what he does. He doesn’t see anything wrong with taking a comatose body and using it as a puppet. He has silent grudges born from years of resentment. He wants to hurt, wants to be hurt. In his darkest days, he dreams of living a life rife with violence and fear. He reaches a boiling point in his rage when people genuinely love him and expresses it. His flaw is driving him to become more ruthless and manipulative. His flaw is enabling him to abandon all the good things that makes Markus a person of his own merits outside of being a hero/villain.

His flaw is stopping him from accepting help.

(He hasn’t written in a long time. He doesn’t sing anymore. He only really visits the bakery for convenient top-ups when he’s in the area, getting the rest of his sweets from stores to be bought in bulk for his telepathy, eaten with the same enthusiasm as he would for pills. He only does tech work for his mission. He’s getting to the point where even Tia Elena wouldn’t be able to emotionally reach him: the same woman who saw him as family, something that he also reciprocated. In time, his own love and enthusiasm for sweets will vanish.)

And if certain truths come to light, things will get more volatile in the face of his most sensitive info being known…

He hates everyone. He hates himself.

His body. (He can’t get surgery. How ugly he is.) His actions. (He was a stupid kid, and his trust in someone nearly killed him.) His trust. (He should’ve never forgotten. Everyone is subject to change, failure, and betrayal- but not him. Not to himself.)

There isn’t anything that Markus doesn’t hate about himself. Even his virtues are dismissed- only accepted if they’re useful as a villain.

(In one of my previous posts, he wants Chen to abuse and rape him. There are reasons for this, talked about with @allens-chocolate-dreams in chat, so maybe I’ll share one day if they’re cool with me sharing screenshots of our conversation.)

His morality- his identity, is slowly but surely decaying with the influence of his flaw. He gets more violent and brutal as time elapses and there isn’t anything to interrupt the process to test his conscience.

(Marconi’s place convinced Steel that there’s some part of Markus that can still be saved. Markus on the other hand, is seething with frustration over his slip up. No more hero.)

He’ll become more beast than man one day if he keeps going like this, and he won’t have the shame to recognise what’s happened. To mourn who he used to be.

❤️ What inspired you to make this OC? How long have you had them? How have they changed in the time you’ve been developing them?

The first ever drafts of Markus was initially made as a character for a Choices story named ‘Hero.’ He initially went by the name Leonard Wolfric! This was around the time the new story came out, so 2017.

I wanted to create an OC inspired by the story, especially as it branched out into its sequel, but it never came. And I lost interest.

Some couple of years and several months later I discovered FHR. I imported that same character into the game but he didn’t quite fit. So I made augmentations here and there. Sidestep was the perfect base for creating a whole new character, and the fundamentals of the character (escaped slave/fugitive, trauma, paranoia, mistrust) had solidified the character you now see as Markus today!

Initially, he just started out as a competent, serious, and diligent hero as Leonard. Fighting the good fight, determined to be one of the best. But as he became Markus, he gradually became more cynical, mistrusting, and haunted. Paired with the events in FHR from Rebirth to Retribution, he adopted some serious anger issues and became far more stand-offish, intimidating, and sometimes even outright hostile.

This let me play with his morality a little bit- until he finally became a man who straddles the line between hero and villain. He’s done and thought too much bad to be the former, and similarly done and thought too much good to be completely the latter. Normally I’d settle a character neatly into ‘more x than y’ but with Markus, I’m not sure.

I’m genuinely not sure if he’s going to become a villain or a hero at the end of his journey.

I don’t even know if he’d even be alive at the end. If he’d even be ‘Markus’ anymore. What he’ll turn into.

Markus is like poison. A deadly weapon, or a much needed medicine. It all depends on which side of the spectrum he tips himself to, and what for.

#Fhr #sidestep #markus deavor #Ortega #steel #herald #lady argent #the rangers

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