#understanding asexually
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"that's not very aromantic of you" "that's not very asexual of you" WELL that's not very minding your own business of you
#MY LIFE IS FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND APHOBES#tw aphobia#ace#aro#aromantic#asexual#aro ace#aspec#arospec#queer#actually arospec#actually aroace#actually aromantic#actually ace#1k#2k#3k
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i know i attract more ace followers than anything else lmao so y'all better show up for this one
#i dont really think i would but i am also aro which changes things lol#but i didnt include romance in this#anyway im always curious abt the ace spectrum#it fascinates me#mostly bc i dont understand it at all and yet i am on it#the struggle#ace#asexuality#asexual#ace spectrum#lgbtqia#polls#i like making polls way too much
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All this aroace character shipcourse has proven to me that a majority of people that interact in fandom cannot actually interact with characters and media outside of shipping and genuinely I believe you need to learn how to interact with media outside of shipping.
#text#fandom#aro#ace#aroace#aromantic#asexual#this became extremely obvious with Encanto - where the main message of the movie was ignored#and people were so desperate for shipping they started shipping background characters or even the family members....eugh#like at some point you must understand your inability to interact with media outside of a narrow romantic scope is an actual problem#at some point you need to accept you don't ACTUALLY like the media you're interacting with#like genuinely can you say anything else that you like about a piece of media besides the fact you want two characters to kiss?#genuinely i do believe the way some of you interact with things needs to change because it's made fandom spaces literally unbearable#also it has severely limited some of your guy's critical thinking skills#if you want content based around shipping then look at the romance genre it's literally right there for this very reason#shipping just needs to stop dominating fandom discussions and interactions. shipping should not be the main focus of every genre ever ffs#that or y'all need to literally start tagging your shit so that people can actually block it out and find the posts that they want to see
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if i can support queer allo people without understanding how their attraction works they should be able to support aros and aces without understanding how our attraction works
#YOU DON’T NEED TO UNDERSTAND TO SHOW LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!!#aro#aromantic#arospec#ace#asexual#acespec#aroace#aspec#1k#2k#3k
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I know Valentine's Day was two days ago, but I have a slow brain okay.
Anyway, just like everyone else I just want to marvel at how perfect Alastor's Valentine's Day merch is.
Look at this, look at him. Everyone else's pinup was sexy and they had revealing outfits. But Alastor? Someone at this app said that he is a modern equivalent of a Victorian woman showing her ankle. I truly love it, he undone his bow tie and that's it, that's the most he's showing, his neck without a bow. He isn't even in any sexy pose either. He kinda looks as if he was laying on a couch and someone told him to pose.
And then his Valentine's card? It's not about love or anything like this, this is about friendship, about platonic love. It literally says 'On a day devoted to lovers I am glad to have you as a friend' and I'm over the moon with it.
As a fellow asexual I am beyond happy to see that none of Alastor's merch was romantic or sexual.
It means a lot to me and I just wanted to say it.
#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor the radio demon#asexual alastor#aromantic alastor#aroace alastor#aromantic#asexual#Tbh Alastor made me realise that I don't rly understand the concept of romantic love#I know that he is a serial killer cannibal manipulative psychopath but he means a lot to me
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The Hazbin Hotel fandom’s issue with accepting aromanticism and asexuality
Now that it is officially Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, I want to talk about this!
I find that, as an aroace myself, I am constantly grasping at good representation and coming up empty— it usually ends up in one of two ways.
One: the character is portrayed as emotionless, cold, and robotic in nature. It’s the question aromantic and/or asexual people are often asked: “Are you heartless?” The answer is no, of course, but general media makes it out to be the opposite.
Or two: Their lack of attraction is seen as something to “fix” because they “haven’t found the right one yet”, and they end up with a partner as a “happy ending”.
It frustrates me greatly because of how little people actually see aromanticism or asexuality as a true part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
So when I watched Hazbin Hotel, and I found out about Alastor being aroace, I was over the moon. I was on cloud nine. I also saw how his voice actor has looked up the term as an attempt to learn about aroaces, which makes me OVERJOYED?? Amir is truly a blessing, and I love that he’s proud to embody a character that’s part of our community. It’s so beautiful to finally have a proper character, a fan favorite at that, who just so happens to be aroace— and that’s another thing I love about this.
It’s never explicitly stated in the show (though it is stated in interviews), but it’s rather clear when you’re watching, isn’t it? Alastor’s aversion to any sort of sexual advancement, coupled with Rosie’s blatant “I know you’re an ace in the hole” comment sort of spell out his asexuality pretty clearly, as well as what side of the spectrum he falls upon. In addition, his Valentine’s day card was strictly platonic, which caters to his aromantic side. It feels so validating to finally be represented, to finally have a character in media who shares the same lack of interest in romance and sex as I do.
When I entered the fandom to look for more content, I kind of expected to see the same respect for Alastor’s orientation there too. But that… wasn’t the case? I am fully aware that aromanticism and asexuality are both spectrums— of course, aromantic and/or asexual people can enter those kinds of relationships. I’m not denying that and they belong in the community as much as anyone else on the spectrum.
But, the more I see the same line again and again and again, the more it feels like an excuse to just ship what you want.
Usually I don’t mind shipping? I’m often a firm believer in people shipping what they like as long as it’s harmless and they don’t go crazy over it. I also know for a fact that Viv doesn’t have a problem with people shipping her characters. They are fictional, after all.
But in this case, people are ignoring the very thing that makes Alastor a part of the aroace community! People are ignoring his lack of romantic or sexual attraction!
Is this not the same as changing a gay character’s orientation to suit a straight ship? If not, how so? I’m told that we are a part of this community, so why aren’t we being treated like it? Why is it so hard to accept the people on the end of the spectrum who aren’t interested?
Something I’ve been noticing throughout my life is that society has not exactly progressed very much on the idea of accepting asexual or aromantic identities. Maybe we have, a little, since the old days— but hell, people in “the old days”, which in truth wasn’t very long ago, believed that asexuality was a medical condition to be “fixed” by taking the right medication or having sex. That’s a pretty low bar to clear. And on the romance side, you’re seen as a “late bloomer” or “boring” if you don’t express interest. These days, being friends with someone is treated like a gateway to them possibly becoming a lover. Not getting married, not going on dates, not wanting a partner— it’s all treated like a crime when it’s not.
Maybe I’m selfish, or sensitive, or I’m butthurt over nothing, or I’m making it all about me. Maybe I’m gatekeeping or whatever the term is. But please, please, please, I just want an aroace character like me who simply is not interested in sex or romance.
And I want fandom to respect that. I admire the creations that fans make— the art, the animatics, the writing and the character analysis. And I want people to keep creating because creation is indeed a beautiful thing.
But I really would like people to treat aroace identities like they’re important. Like it’s more than just a spectrum to get wiggle room to wrangle in another ship.
#aromantism#aromantic#aroace#asexual#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#lgbtqia#alastor aroace#PLEASE i just want people to LEAVE HIM ALONE#“but it’s a spectrum” STOP USING IT AS AN EXCUSE#RESPECT AROACE PEOPLE WITH ZERO INTEREST IN ROMACE AND SEX#let us have this#we barely get anything as it is#but just to clarify i don’t believe that most people are being intentionally rude about it#nor am i discouraging people from creating fan content because it is FAN CONTENT and you can express yourself#i just would like people to understand a little more that#yes it is a spectrum and it covers an extremely wide range of orientations#yes ANYONE who identities as someone on the spectrum is completely valid#if you wanna argue with that i am showing you the door and kicking your sorry aphobic ass out#my point is that the spectrum is not a loophole. it is not an excuse and it is NOT okay to just use it willy nilly for your convenience
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of all the good reasons to have an ace headcanon for him, why would you land on this
#not maintagging this#and I wish I could say this was a singular instance#but sadly it isn't#people can be uninterested in sex without being reduced to children or having their intelligence insulted#not even mentioning that a-spectrum experience is so varied in general#the two sides of terrible asexual generalisation: unfeeling robots and children#if you say someone is too dumb or emotionally immature to understand sex#you imply that if they just grew up a little or learned a bit more they would change their mind#ace people get that kind of patronising enough we don't need the call to come from inside the house as well
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Sexuality is fluid and can change but dear god will I never ever give my family an inch on that because they’ll take the mile
#had a slightly upsetting conversation with my sister🤪#there were other things they were bugging about me that adds to the upset feeling but#the dismissal of my sexuality and my own understanding of my own feelings was definitely a part of it#aroace#aromantic#asexual#by yours truly the omelette of cheese
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can people stop calling holidays specifically for either aromanticism or asexuality "aroace" holidays. there is a difference. aroaces are included under aro and ace, but when you call these aroace holidays, you're forgetting about many aros and aces that are not aroace. aromanticism and asexuality are not inherently linked.
#🥀#aromantic#aro#asexual#ace#international asexuality day#this happened aro week and now its happening with ace day. please understand the difference.#aro ≠ aroace#ace ≠ aroace
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The thing I think most people don't understand is the fact that asexual is a completely different thing than aromantic.
I have been told multiple time that people think they're asexual because they don't want a romantic relationship, but they still want to have a shit ton of sex.
I understand asexuality is a spectrum, but it's about sexual attraction. Not romantic. If you feel like you don't want both relationships or sex, than that's aroace, not just one.
As a sex-repulsed asexual that still has romantic attraction, this just really pisses me off.
They're two different things, please understand that.
#asexual#aromantic#aroace#arospec#acespec#like no one cares#but yknow#please understand#theyre different#freaking things
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The way some people cannot understand that when I, an aroace-spec person, call someone "hot" it doesn't mean I'd like to share bed with them, but that I think they are a pleasing sight for my eyes. Yeah, they have good features. Yeah, they are pretty/handsome. That's it. Nothing more, it's just nice to look at them. Just like looking at some flower or aesthetically pleasing food. You don't need to like the scent of that flower or taste of that food, but it looks nice.
#Aroace#aromantic#asexual#queer#Honestly you probably have to think that way to understand that#i dunno#aspec
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We don't talk about platonic marriages enough
I am bisexual. My partner is aroace. We are in a queerplatonic relationship. We have been together for around 4 years and got engaged a little over 2 years ago. We don't do romantic things (we do sometimes, but not usually.) and we don't do sexual things. There's no romance, but we love each other. It is 100% platonic.
But I ALWAYS feel the need to clarify this with people we meet that, it's not "oh haha we were best friends for so long we just decided to get married teehee"
NO
It's still love. We live for each other. We would die for each other. We are attached at the hip. We are each others most important thing in the entire world. Just because we don't kiss or have sex doesn't mean it's not love.
I LOVE my fiance in ways words can't explain. And they love me just the same.
Just because it's not romantic doesn't make it any less of a relationship.
Just because it's not sexual doesn't make us any less engaged.
I am going to marry my fiance, my best friend, the love of my life, and I need people to know that it's not because we couldn't find anyone else. It's not because we said we would if we were still single at X years old. It's not a trend or a phase or anything like that.
I'm going to marry them because I LOVE them.
@novelcain <3
(update since this is gaining traction again: we're married now!! :D)
#i need more ppl to understand this#queerplatonic#platonic marriage#queerplatonic marriage#asexual#aromantic#aroace#bisexual#biromantic#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtq+#lgbtqia#lgbtqai+#so many lgbt tags lmao#love rant#i love my finance so much man ;w;#im having so many feels rn#edit: apparently we've been engaged for a bit over 2 years#we've known each other for so long the years blur together lmao
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ultimately when it comes to shipping and fandom space treatment of aspec characters i just don't accept "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" as an answer from nonaspecs. like yeah. mhm. okay. now i think we both know that you're not saying that out of real interest in the diversity of aspec experiences. so you can turn in your seventeen-page essay on why and how you plan to examine this character's aspec identity within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship complete with evidence from canon and peer reviews from multiple aspec people within the next week or i'm putting you in the pit from the edgar allen poe story
#you know. the one with the pendulum#'hey. why are you as an allo person shipping this aspec character like this'#'oh aspec people can still date/have sex!'#'yeah. now can you answer the question that i actually asked you'#like goddamn just say you don't care they're aspec and you want to fulfill a sexual/romantic fantasy with them. that's Fine#it like. sucks. for sure. lotta aspec people will be unhappy with you. but everyone is entitled to their own wants and experiences.#but i'd prefer you just be honest with it rather than using our community's conversation points as retroactive justification#and ONCE AGAIN. you guys are real fucking cavalier with this shit and it shows a real fundamental lack of respect for aspecs#when most of you would NEVER ship a canonically gay character with the 'other' gender. cause again. it would suck.#you can do it. nobody's Stopping you. but it would suck.#and we understand that putting a queer character in situations that erase that queerness is shitty! until it comes to aspec characters!#and whoa... there it is again... people don't consider aspec identities to be queer... crazy how it always comes back to that#anyway. you all know what i'm talking about. have seen many posts about this lately#it is [ long sigh ] unfortunately a very hot button issue with the advent lately of alastor hazbinhotel#which. again. god i wish there were other canon aspec characters to be having this conversation about.#but we'll have to do our best with what we have#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#aroace#talking#aspec#asexual#asexuality
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I'm sorry but I feel like non-Australians just will not be able to 100% get Ca$h's character, like I don know if you can understand how impactful it is unless you know eshay culture and how harmful it is. Like I know Chooks, they went to my schools, they take my busses, literally every time I go outside I'm scared of them. Literally as I'm typing this there's a group of them on the bus behind me and it's making me anxious. Ca$h trying to tear himself away from his eshay group in order to protect his friend and safely be with his black nonbinary partner and their alt friend group is like. A massive deal I can't imagine the eshay types I've been close with ever doing that for me
Edit: Not to even MENTION having the eshay character be unapologetically queer and asexual like that is CRAZY. Like there's a reason Darren was so surprised if you're queer and an eshay most of the time you do NOT say it and to have it being portrayed so beautifully is. Gods.
#idk....... like obviously you'll understand him on an asexual and trauma and autistic level but#him being an eshay is like a major part of his character and it influences a lot of him#especially with the name like eshay names have weight to them#its a whole subculture#heartbreak high#hbh#ca$h piggott#douglas piggott#hbh ca$h#heartbreak high season 2
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there's something to be said about how public unawareness about aspec identities contributes to the infighting within the aspec communities.
for example, I've seen a lot of "don't say ace people don't have sex because that's harmful to the sex favourable aces" and the opposite: "don't say ace people can have sex because what about the sex repulsed/averse?"
and they're both valid points, but because of it, aspec posts have to cater to the entire spectrum or risk starting arguments over this. Ideally, people could look at an aspec post and accept that it's for a different part of the aro/ace spectrum to where they are, but that's where the public unawareness comes in
because outside of the aspec communities, there's so little understanding of what the terms mean, that people within the community have to make every post generic so that the unaware won't see one post and make an assumption for the entire community based on it.
I see where every side is coming from, but infighting doesn't really solve any of the issues. The only thing that can start to solve it is more expansive aspec media representation, and spreading the "aro/ace identities are a spectrum" posts as much as possible to reach outside of the community, rather than trying to make specific posts fit that generic message.
#long post and i fear it sounds a bit ranty at times#this isn't targeting anyone specific and if you've made those kinds of posts before. i do understand#it's just an observation I've made#aroace posts#aromantic#asexual#aroace#ace#aro#aspec#acespec#arospec#tw sex mention#aspec infighting#representation is important#but not every post can be perfect representation for every aspec person#I talk
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sex as part of pride and asexuality as part of pride can coexist. the inclusion of one does not have to mean the exclusion of the other
#tw: sex mention#both are crucial to the history of the community and are important parts of queer identity to most people.#they are not inherently opposite to each other and both can exist comfortably within their own spaces#i'm sex-positive but not sex-favorable do you understand. okay#ace#asexual#acespec#aroace#aspec#pride 2023#1k
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