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fandomxpreferences · 1 year

Text

Best of Both Worlds

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Routledge!Reader

TW:alcohol, harassment, mentions of violence

Summary: Being John B's sister and Rafe's girlfriend comes with a whole list of benefits. The first one is that no one gets to fuck with you.

Word count:2k

A/N: this was supposed to be a one shot but now im pretty sure its going to be its own little universe. Also Im a whore for protective Rafe and JJ

Being John B's sister and JJ's best friend comes with advantages and pitfalls. One of those advantages being that nobody fucks with you. However, on the flip side of that, it means no guys will get within ten feet of you.

Until Rafe Cameron saw you at least. He was the only guy on the island interested that wasn't afraid, and somehow weaseled his way into your heart.

Of course, being his girlfriend comes with its own notoriety.

You're now both Pogue and Kook royalty; one of the only people to earn trust from both sides simultaneously. The entirety of Outer Banks is practically your kingdom, you're both feared and respected from all corners.

You've gotten used to the way people avoid eye contact and quite literally part like the Red Sea when you walk past. Part of it's due to your own reputation that precedes you, but mostly it's because your boys are always in formation a few feet behind you like the secret service.

It's no secret that you're under their protection; you're practically invincible.

Granted, you're also known for your eagerness to fight and sharp tongue. Everyone knows that even if you are seen alone, it doesn't mean that you're vulnerable.

So it's no shock that as you walk into the club with Rafe and the rest of the Pogues that the three of them are right behind you looking like Dobermans. They escort you to the bar to get a drink, and then to a table tucked into the back corner, distanced from the chaos of the dance floor.

The music is loud and you already feel a smile creeping its way onto your face. After all the craziness, it feels good to just be out having fun with your friends. You all settle in, your body wedged between Rafe and Sarah in the booth.

It's easygoing for a while, everyone laughing and carrying light-hearted conversations as the alcohol flows. However, it doesn't take long for your drink to run out and you nudge Rafe's knee with your own to signal for him to let you out.

"Where are you going?"

You lean up and give him a sweet kiss, shaking your head at his protective tone.

"To get another drink."

He nods and starts following after you when you turn and give him a look.

"I can handle getting a drink, Rafe."

He hesitates for a second but knows better than to push you. The three of them may be like bodyguards, but they know to respect your boundaries. You're not a fragile flower that needs to be treated like a child, it's been proven time and time again.

He watches as you saunter off, his eyes never leaving your scantily clad frame.

You make your way to the bar and wait patiently for your drink. It's busy in here, and you know the bartenders are working as fast as they can. You're leaning forward a bit with your elbows resting on the backlit counter as you bop your head to whatever song is bumping.

Your body stiffens when you feel a presence next to you, their arm brushing against yours and lingering a second too long. You know it's not any of your friends; they all have distinct signature colognes and this is definitely not familiar.

It smells like axe mixed with vodka, and your nose scrunches up as the scent burns your nostrils.

"Hey, whatcha drinking?"

The man's voice is grating, immediately causing irritation to flood you. Your eyes stare straight ahead as you answer, not wanting to give him any misconception that you're open to conversation.

"Amaretto."

Your voice is hard as you answer, and you pray he takes the hint. You're just here to have a good time, the last thing you want is the night to be ruined because of some asshole.

"Interesting choice. Would've taken you as a sex-on-the-beach type of girl. What's your name?"

You give him a disgusted look at his implication and turn back to the bar. Where the hell is the bartender with your drink?

"Y/N."

It's against your better judgment, but you're not in the mood to fight and you're just trying to appease him long enough to get your drink and bolt.

You can feel four sets of eyes staring at you, and you already know it's your three pit bulls along with Pope. The Heyward is easily just as protective when you're out, albeit in a less threatening manner.

"Y/N. I like it, it's pretty just like you."

You roll your eyes at the line, thoroughly unimpressed. It's not until you feel his hand on your waist that you stand up straight and face him.

Your head tilts down to look at where he's touching you, before raising your eyes to give him a disbelieving look through your lashes.

You realize you don't recognize him, and figure he must be a touron. That'd be the only explanation for him being stupid enough to put his hands on you.

Your fingers wrap around his wrist as you shove him off and you take a step back. He's persistent, stepping forward to close the much-wanted distance again. His fingers dig into your hip and you decide you've had enough.

"I'm actually here with somebody."

It's your last attempt at handling this civilly, and much to your dismay it doesn't deter him.

"I don't see him anywhere."

You let out a dark chuckle, and the man misunderstands it as you taking the bait with a smile.

"Well, he sees you."

The man's eyebrows furrow for a second, and you nod your head at the table. The boys are off to the side watching carefully for your signal. They know you can handle yourself; however, they're always on standby like guard dogs, ready to attack on your slightest command.

"See those men over there? The tall one with murder in his eyes is my boyfriend, Rafe. He'll kill you. The one with his arms crossed is my brother, John B. The blonde is JJ, my best friend. They'll be the ones that hide your body. And the last one at the end there? That's our ole' reliable, Pope. He won't hurt you, but he will be the alibi."

The man chuckles nervously but doesn't release his hold on you.

"I'm not worried about them. If they were gonna do something, they would have by now."

You give him a sinister smile and shake your head.

"That's where you're wrong. They don't come unless called. All I have to do is shoot them a look and you'll be eating through a tube. So, I'm gonna tell you one time to back the fuck off."

He ponders for a second, before completely encroaching on your personal space. Over at the table, John B puts a hand on Rafe's arm to hold him back.

"If she needs us, she'll let us know."

They watch as your hand comes up, open palm facing them, and start to move closer.

"I'm gonna count down from five, and if you're not out of my sight when I reach zero, you're going to regret being born."

You start counting down, a finger dropping with each second. You get down to one, and the man laughs.

"Are you sure you wanna do this? If you're thinking they won't go to jail over me, you're sadly mistaken. Rafe practically owns the island, hand cuffs won't even touch them."

His eyebrow quirks, and you purse your lips.

"Fine, have it your way."

The second your hand becomes a closed fist, Rafe is behind the man. There isn't even time to blink before the stranger is ripped back by his collar hard enough for it to make him cough and sputter.

He looks at you with wide eyes, and you just watch while sipping on your drink that's been sitting on the counter for a couple of minutes.

"I believe the lady told you to fuck off."

Rafe's voice is several octaves deeper than usual, rage coursing through his veins. John B and JJ are standing right behind him, ready to jump in and have their turn. Pope pulls you back, always one to make sure you don't get pulled into the violence.

"We were just talking, man."

The stranger tries desperately to de-escalate the situation, but it's far too late.

"Looked like you were touching her. Maybe we should see if you like being touched without your permission."

JJ's voice is akin to a growl, and you tsk. Asshole should've listened.

The man that harassed you doesn't get a chance to respond before he's dragged out the back door while you and Pope go get the girls.

"Come on, we gotta go."

You grab Sarah's hand and tug, the blonde woman looking at you with confusion. When she looks behind you and sees that only Pope followed you back, her eyes widen in realization.

"Right, okay. Let's go."

Kie is right behind her, and the four of you pull the car around to wait for the three men. A few minutes go by before they come around the side of the building. You scoot out of the driver's seat to allow Rafe to climb in, the other two crawling in the back seat.

You don't ask questions; you never do. You already know what happened, and if you didn't then his disheveled hair and bleeding knuckles are enough to clue you in. The drive back is silent, the Pogues being dropped off at John Bs before you and Rafe venture back to Tannyhill.

Rafe holds your hand as you lead him upstairs to his room and into his bathroom. You nod your head at the toilet and he follows your silent instruction to sit.

Your hands rifle through a drawer and find the first aid kit with ease. You kneel in front of him, taking his battered knuckles with such tenderness it makes his heart ache.

The Rafe sitting in front of you now is light years from the man an hour ago and you wish people could see this side of him.

He's the definition of heart eyes as he stares down at you with adoration, watching as you make practiced movements to disinfect and ice his wounds.

"You don't have to do that, you know. Your dad turned you into his personal weapon, I don't want to do the same."

His brows furrow at your confession and he gently grasps your chin to make you look at him.

"Hey, I protect you because I want to. Nobody fucks with a Cameron."

You stop in your tracks and stare at him with raised eyebrows.

"I'm not a Cameron."

His eyes bore into yours and the next words out of his mouth suck the air out of your lungs.

"You will be."

A playful smile breaks out on your face and you laugh lightly.

"Rafe Cameron, are you asking me to marry you?"

There's a teasing lilt to your voice, but his face remains stoic.

"If I was, would you say yes?"

Your eyes roam over his face searching for any sign of joking, and your mouth drops open when you find none. You nod your head slowly, almost afraid of moving.

"In a heartbeat."

You stare in shock as he removes his hand from your face and slips his signet ring off his pinky. He takes your hand in his and places it on your left ring finger before pressing a kiss to it.

"Then we'll go to Cartier tomorrow."

You peer down at the ring now adorning your finger and try to process what the fuck just happened. Did you just get engaged to Rafe Cameron?

"Rafe, are you serious?"

Tears are starting to sting your waterline as reality sinks in and he presses his forehead to yours.

"Very."

At that, you leap into his arms and capture him in a searing kiss.

"Oh my god, I'm gonna be your wife." You squeal and he laughs while holding you to his chest.

"You've been my wife since our first date. Now it's just official."

His hand rubs gentle circles on your back as his heart swells with a love he didn't know was possible.

"I love you."

Your voice is barely above a whisper and he pulls back to look at you with a bright grin.

"I love you too, Mrs. Cameron."

#rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron #Rafe Cameron x routledge!reader #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic #outer banks #protective Rafe Cameron #protective jj maybank

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dia-souls · 20 days

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TW:alcohol

Hi im so sorry if it doesn’t make sense cause english is not my first language but can i have Ruki Mukami reaction to his daughter and her mom arguing Ruki divorced his wife because she had a problem with alcohol and he worried that this would affect their daughter so he divorced her but he only gets to see his daughter on the weekends but one day he’s supposed to be picking their daughter up he sees his daughter yelling at her mom like shes begging her mom to stop drinking like she said that this was here seventh bottle today and yells at her saying Why am i acting like your therapist? By the way their daughter is like 4 years old. By the way i don’t mind if you don’t feel comfortable writing this and im sorry if its to long

-No it's not long neither it is uncomfortable dw💞

"Wow! You really have ruined our family to think you will become like this after so much love I gave you...."

"This behaviour is unacceptable you will be punished for this livestock you will be punished for everything for breaking our family and now you are going after our daughter no it's my daughter I have decided that this is last time you will be seeing us."

Ruki immediately scooped his daughter up in his arms and moved towards door he want his children to have a normal child hood something he was deprived off he turned a bit looking at his ex-lover the woman he loved the women whom he gave his heart to and entrusted her with his daughter. He never wanted to seperate his daughter from his mother as he knows how it feels for your mother to neglect you. To this day he sincerely hoped that his lover will became like she was in past and still now he doesn't want to deprive his daughter from seeing mother's love.

"If you want to see your daughter again than convince me livestock that you will be a good mother.... You are the only one who can make things right. You are better than this....This is my last advice to you don't get the wrong idea I will never let you ruin my daughter even if I have feelings for you for me my daughter value more than my love for you change yourself and prove me... than you will see our daughter again. "

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #ruki mukami #mukami ruki #diabolik lovers fandom #Anon ask

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hovercraft79 · 4 years

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An Uncertain Spring

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: The Worst Witch (TV 2017) Alternate Universe

Relationships:

Hardbroom/Pentangle (Worst Witch)

Hecate Hardbroom & Mildred Hubble

Hecate Hardbroom & Julie Hubble

Ada Cackle & Hecate Hardbroom

Dimity Drill & Hecate Hardbroom

Algernon Rowan-Webb/Gwen Bat

Chapters: 6

Words: 80,143

Warnings:

Alternate Universe

Homophobia

Internalized Homophobia

Homophobic Language

Alcohol Use

Religion used as a weapon

Summary:

Structure. Order. Control. Head Librarian Hecate Hardbroom values these things above all others. When Ursula Hallow threatens to take away everything Hecate holds dear, she finds herself at a loss. Then Pippa Pentangle arrives in a pink whirlwind of chaos and new ideas. Hecate hardly knows which way is up. Can she open herself up to change? Will it even matter, or has Ursula already won?

Notes:

The library AU nobody asked for is finally complete! It's a stand-alone story so it doesn't matter if you've read anything of my other works. It's set during the spring of 2020 - but I started working on it a bit over a year ago so in this version of our world there is no covid-19.

For any of you folks who read this and might be trained librarians, my apologies for anything that seems off. Please feel free to let me know if I've done something incorrectly or used the wrong call numbers for scene descriptors.

The title of this story comes from the first line of "The Hours" by Virginia Woolf. Here, Hecate's a bit of a fan.

As always, I owe Sparky a great deal of thanks (and more than a couple nice dinners out, whenever that can happen again) for her countless hours editing - reading and marking it, then reading it again out loud while I make corrections. Yeah, I owe her big time. Any errors that remain are no doubt there because I fiddled with it after we were done.

_______________________________________________________

025 Library operations

Hecate stood, hands clenched at her side, behind the podium, unsure if she should keep standing or take her place among the handful of people who had attended tonight’s City Council meeting.

“Look, Egbert,” Ursula Hallow leaned towards her microphone, waving a sheet of paper in her hand. “I know your grandmother served as the librarian for aaages, but this isn’t personal. Look at the numbers! I’m not making some baseless claim! These figures were provided by Miss Hardbroom herself. Usage is down. The building needs repairs. The library has been operating in the red for years. It’s a drain on the taxpayers.”

Mayor Hellibore’s face reddened three shades, but he kept his tone even. “Libraries provide valuable community services, Ursula. If—”

“Clearly not to this community. Do people even need libraries anymore? Doesn’t everyone just Google the information they need and read e-books?” Ursula waved the paper again. “The numbers just don’t bear out the funding.”

Hecate studied the other council members, trying to gauge if they leaned towards Hellibore’s position or were siding with Ursula. They mostly looked bored. She realized she’d lost track of the debate when Mayor Hellibore slapped the table and rose to his feet.

“That’s it! The rest of this discussion will be held in closed session. Let’s go!” He pointed towards a door off to the side and waited until Ursula had huffed her way in and the rest of the Council had followed, wearily, behind her.

Hecate returned to her chair, stiffly taking her seat among the rest of the attendees. An older woman leaned over and patted her forearm.

“Don’t you worry, my dear, everything will turn out all right. You’ll see.” Bright blue eyes twinkled out from behind a pair of wire-rimmed bifocals. “Would you care for a lemon drop?” A paper sack appeared from nowhere.

“Thank you,” Hecate said, keeping her eyes trained on the door, “for the kind words and the candy.” She accepted the offering and settled back into her chair and waited for the Council to return.

And she waited.

And waited.

And waited until she was the only person left in the Council chamber. Now and again she would hear Mayor Hellibore’s raised voice through the closed door. The clock on the wall ticked past midnight before the door flew open and Egbert’s narrowed eyes landed on Hecate. She scrambled to her feet.

Hellibore loomed over her, radiating anger. “Funded. For now. I’ll be at the library with the details as soon as I can. Open tomorrow as usual.” He stalked away before Hecate could stammer out a bewildered ‘yes, sir.’

Read more here: (X)

#hicsqueak #alternate universe #tw:homophobia #tw:alcohol use #Hecate Hardbroom #Pippa Pentangle #Ada Cackle #Dimity Drill #Julie Hubble #Mildred Hubble #non-magic

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keptfcith · 4 years

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Open - F/M/NB They were the only other person who knew of her late husband’s real cause of death aside from her. Of course, they were the one who helped in the act of getting rid of him. Did she feel remorseful? A little, but it was her only chance at freedom. “So, how do you feel knowing i’m all yours now?” their relationship had taken place in the shadows, far from the public eye she was still very much a part of. They had been her friend for years and encountered the abuse Drew had been subjected to throughout their entire marriage. The only person she could trust. Now, she was finally free to be with them.

#drew:chats #tw:death #tw:abuse #tw:alcohol use #tw:Murder #indie rp #indie smut rp #indie start #open starter

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quentin-destjeor · 7 years

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Inner Demons//Quentin:Self-Para

Quentin was tired of walking around carrying this deep pain inside of him, Why did he have so much control over him, the man who destroyed him in so many ways.

He sat alone on the floor in his hotel room starring up at the ceiling, his head leaned back against the wall as he trailed the razor blade across his forearm. Clenching the bottle of vodka in his hand as the blood trickled down his arm. The bottle was already mostly empty, maybe because he inhaled it or maybe it was just left over from the bottle he previously shared with Felix but, the latter was unlikely. His thoughts raced, remembering all the times his face was bloody, his knees burned by the carpet, or his ribs bruised from the constant slamming and beatings. Another long swig of alcohol poured down his throat numbing him but, not completely, not enough. A lonely tear ran down his left cheek and he quickly wiped it away. “Fuck this..” he growled out loud to himself before downing the rest of the bottle “I can’t do this anymore.. I won’t!” He demanded. Quentin stood up, his vision blurred and his balance was unsteady but, he was able to make his way over to the door pulling it open and stumbling into the hallway. Using his hand as a guid along the wall he finally made it to the elevator staggering just a bit. When the elevator doors finally opened he walked inside and took it all the way down to the ground floor, and continued to make his way out of the hotel, pulling at the sleeve of his shirt to cover his arm. Once he was standing outside he felt the coolish air brush against his face and he knew what he had to do. It wouldn’t fix anything but, if he could go back to his birth name maybe he could run away from it all. At least for a while. He pulled his phone out of his pocket trying to adjust his eyes to the screen, his vision still blurred as he began to type but, he succeeded in googling ‘the nearest place to change your name’. Quentin saved the location to his maps and flagged down a taxi “Pourriez-vous me prendre ici s'il vous plaît?” He slurred showing his phone to the driver.

#p;selfpara1 #Quentin #tw:self harm #tw:abuse #tw:rape #tw:alcohol use

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podrickpaynest · 5 years

Photo

Ronnie Kray and the boys

#legend #tom hardy #taron egerton #charley palmer rothwell #ron kray #ronnie kray #ronald krey #mad teddy #teddy smith #leslie holt #you can't sit with us squad #tw:alcohol #ronnie x teddy #mine:edits #i think i'm gonna queue myself

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lady-zephyr · 6 years

Link

Rating: Mature Words: 3505 TW: Alcohol, Drug Use

I’ve been working on this for quite a while, and honestly I’m tired of the first half just sitting around in my folder. So here, have half of a fic. I’ll finish the second half when I can.

Here’s a clip! You can read the rest by clicking on the link above.

---------------------

”C’mon, man! I already paid for another round. Just stay until you finish and then you can go home.” The lights were disorienting, sparks of blue and red flashing across Noctis’ face. He was pressing a glass to Prompto’s hand, and blue liquid threatened to spill over the edge.

“Whoa! Watch it, dude!” Prompto grabbed for the glass gulping the drink until it was at a safe level to handle. “All right, all right, just one more. You know how Iggy gets if we stay out later than we said we would.”

They were standing against the back wall of the newest club in Insomnia. High tech, extravagant, exclusive. At least that’s what the advertisements had suggested. With the amount of people crammed in the place, Prompto wasn’t sure just how exclusive it was, but it didn’t really matter. When your best friend is the crown prince, you can get into almost any party in the city.

Noctis held up his wrist, expensive, gold watch sparkling in the light. “Just after 11:30. We’ve got time Prom. Besides we’re adults and if we’re a few minutes late, Ignis will just have to deal with it.” Sensing that this would be a losing battle, Prompto took another sip of his drink. Like the last two, he couldn’t taste the alcohol. Leave it to some expensive club to overcharge and under deliver.

“What’s with these weak ass drinks?” Prompto asked.

“Don’t worry about it.” Noctis replied while downing the last bit of his own drink. “Just finish it and come dance with me.”

Prompto shrugged and proceeded to chug the rest of his drink. It was sweet, a bit too sweet for him, but whatever. Couldn’t complain about a free drink. Noctis grabbed his wrist and pulled him in the direction of the dance floor, both boys depositing their empty glasses on the bar as they passed. As they settled into the mass of dancing strangers Prompto began to feel tingly - a warm, light sensation invading his body.

“What… was in that drink?” He asked Noctis. The colored lights flashing throughout the building zeroed in on the two of them, swirled around them, pulsing with the beat of the music. The prince didn’t answer, just continued to dance and sway with the beat. Prompto joined him, the notes heavy and invading. He felt them throbbing in his bones, pushing their way out through the sweat forming on his skin.

He was hot; a combination of the tightly packed crowd and the alcohol had him reeling. Throwing his head back, Prompto stared up into the rafters, his mouth hanging slightly open. For a moment, he was lost in the sight and sound of everything until the tempo of the music changed and brought him back to reality. He was light headed and his knees threatening to buckle beneath him. Reaching out, he grabbed Noct’s arm and a jolt of electricity surged through him.

It felt good. He paused for a moment, just savoring the feel of Noct’s skin on his fingertips. Soft and warm and just so right. Sliding his hand up and down, he caressed Noct’s arm unaware of the way the prince was staring at him.

“You okay, buddy?” Noct asked. His eyes were half lidded, pupils blown wide under his dark lashes.

Raising his arms, Prompto caressed Noct’s cheeks. “Seriously. What’s going on? You’re so… so…” He just wanted to feel more of Noctis. He had to keep touching his beautiful friend.

Noctis’ hands reached around Prompto’s waist, slim fingers diving beneath the hem of his shirt. Hands splayed flat against Prompto’s back, Noct pulled him closer until their chests were touching. Prompto stared through the haze, admired how the lights turned Noct’s face pink, then yellow, then blue. Blue was such a fitting color. It accentuated his eyes and pulled out the deep color of his hair. The hair his hands were sliding into. That soft mop of unkempt locks he couldn’t help but pull on.

Noct’s mouth dropped open and a sultry moan slipped from his throat. Prompto couldn’t help himself. He surged forward, kissing the prince roughly. Noct pushed back, a mash of teeth and lips and tongue, his arms securely around Prompto’s waist holding him close. Club all but forgotten, they stood like this, hands grasping, soft moans escaping, lost within a world that was just the two of them.

#final fantasy xv #ffxv fanfiction #Prompto #prompto argentum #Noctis #noctis lucis caelum #ignis scientia #gladiolus amicitia #tw:alcohol #tw:drug use

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obesericewrites · 2 years

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what's this? MORE angst?!

The MC died?! and then the RO's find baby clothes?! that the MC had sewed?! only then do the RO's discover that MC was expecting their child?! and had everything planned to tell them about it?!!?

who would ever ask for such a thing? δυδ

WHY ?! THERE WAS NO REASON TO BRING BACK THIS AU!? WHY DOES IT HAVE SO MANY PARTS?! JAIL, ANON (btw I’m adding a read more below the TW so let me know if you guys like it this way or the other way!) REFERRING TO THIS WHOLE NOVEL OF THE AU HERE

[TW:ALCOHOL ABUSE /MINOR THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE]

M: They would find the clothes when they are preparing to leave your village for good. M would be in your shop collecting anything that reminded them of you. Needles, yarn, wool, etc. M was doing this so they could put it in a little box and leave it inside your grave.

M would open a drawer they haven’t looked at yet and freeze. Sitting there…..was a small baby blouse.

They wouldn’t know how to breath as they gently — as if not to break this moment — picked up the piece of cloth. M would let their thumb softly caress the clothing.

They hadn’t realized it before but they started shaking. M brought the cloth close to their face and let out a choked noise as the inhaled deeply. They couldn’t even smell you anymore.

They would stay their for a while. Holding the outfit that had once belonged to their child, made by their mate. M wouldnt put that in the box. They’d keep it. Dawn would sadly watch them hide it somewhere in their home.

She knows grief can take many forms….but the only forms she can see her parent in is denial.

S: Would be drunk when they find it. They’d be stumbling around your shop, there let had given out and they fell to the ground with a grunt. They’d get ready to push themselves up when they see it. A small box. Hidden under your desk.

Slowly. They would reach out and bring the box into their lap. Slowly lifting the boxes cover, they felt their heart drop into their stomach. Their breath would become stuttered as they slowly bring the small baby onesie out. A wail of pure agony would leave their throat and S brings the outfit to their chest.

They’d lean over the box as in an attempt to protect it. Their screams would echo across your shop. People of the village would enter the house and find it empty by the time their screaming stopped.

They say the stages of grief can change a person. They always leave out how much it can destroy one.

B: They would be emptying your shop. Collecting everything you owned so that your home can be used by someone else in need in the village. They would get ready to lift a box of your old clothes when something falls out if it.

They’d make a disgruntled noise before they place the box down and reach for the item before time seems to freeze. Their hand would tremble as it was stuck reaching. Carefully, they’d pick up the small onesie and let out a shaky breath.

When they bring the cloth closer to them. That’s when they break.

Their screams can be heard from far outside the village. Their mothers would rush in and immediately attempt to soothe their child.

Mourning is something that is almost worse than death. It’s worse in the sense that they are alive without you. They’d rather be dead with you….

#TOWMR #the one who made red asks #RO ask #angsty ask #M ask #S ask #B ask #Dawn ask #angsty gremlin this was outta pocket #angsty gremlin #angsty gremlin go to jail rn #TOWMR baby au

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justice-is-a-weapon · 2 years

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In vino veritas [dazai x gn reader]

·•━━━━━━━⋆⋅☆⋅⋆━━━━━━━•·

Chapter 4/?

Previous / next

TW:alcohol, short mention of a murder but nothing detailed

"Two whiskys." "Hey, I'm not paying for anything you ordered." "I'm trying to be nice for once and you're complaining. I'm paying for both of us today, Dazai." "If that's the case!"

Dazai grabbed the drink enthusiastically. I considered us drinking buddies now, even if he’d rarely drink. We would sometimes even talk about where and when to meet next. He was a nice fellow. Funny. But I really appreciated our philosophical conversations. We would talk about anything that came to mind. About morality. About dogs. Like a friend of mine he despised them. About drinks. Sometimes he'd even let some information about his colleagues slip. I figured they were quite the weird bunch.

Still there's something off about him. He's hiding something. Okay perhaps I am not the most honest person out there either. Never have been. Especially after what happened almost four months ago. I'll spare him that story. For my and his safety. I had a feeling he’d be able to handle it but I didn’t want him in on this if not necessary. I didn’t even know if I'd stay here anyway. Maybe I was getting too attached.

„You’ve been awfully quiet.“ „I’m just thinking.“ „What’s on your mind?“ Make the most of it. Live. Fuck it. „Would you like to join me for lunch sometime?“

This was one of the rare moments I saw Dazai being genuinely surprised about something. But he gradually began to nod. Then a smile.

„Where are we going?“ „My place. I’m not that bad at cooking.“ „That makes one of us.“ Slightly laughing, I asked him what he’d like. I decided I'd let him in. I could use a friend. I’d buy some crab and we’d eat together. I have to clean though. I know he wouldn’t care but I felt the need to do that. It felt right. I’ve kept everyone at arm's length until now. No touching. No getting too close.

I took a sip of my whiskey. He did as well. We continued talking. And drinking. I didn’t know how much time we spent that night. I couldn’t care less. In this city that didn't know my name I felt strangely safe. A new beginning. Nobody knows and maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to forget too. I dare say I was having fun.

„What type of drunk are you Dazai? I’m curious.“ „Oh I'm a mess.“ A sad smile from him. „Me too… Me too… I’m much more truthful as well.“ „So you mean to say you’ve been lying to me this whole time?“ Taking a sip once again I answered. „I am prone to not telling the whole truth. But I am not a liar.“ „That’s the definition of a lie to some you know?“ „Then by that definition you’d be one too.“ „I guess I am then.“

It was calm. Quiet. Not many people were left in the bar. Dazai had those mysterious brown eyes. What was going on in that pretty little head of his? I could never tell. Suddenly I heard someone coming in. „There you are!“ A boy with a white choppy haircut walked in. I took a mental note to never ever go to his hairdresser. Maybe I should ask to avoid that place.

„We’ve been searching for you everywhere. You’re not trying to drown yourself again I see. Thank god. You’ve been ignoring our calls so we figured- Oh who’s that?“ Now the boy was staring directly at me. Cat-like features. I assumed another one of his colleagues. I gave a short answer.

„We just drink together sometimes.“ Meanwhile Dazai was pulling out his phone. „Oh my battery died. That’s why. Did something important happen, Atsushi?“

The boy now known as Atsushi looked at me again as if he wasn’t quite sure if he was allowed to talk about the subject in my presence. I decided to make it easier for him. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. They talked about some murder case near the harbour. When I came back they had already left. Both mine and Dazai‘s empty glasses were still on the counter. But something else was laying right beside mine: a note.

It read:

Sorry for leaving so suddenly. Again, I am needed as a detective. I wish I could’ve stayed longer. I noticed we can’t talk to each other when we’re not sitting right next to each other. Call me over for dinner sometime. I’ll make sure to be hungry. ~Dazai

After that a phone number. I went home with a smile on my face that day, looking forward to it.

·•━━━━━━━⋆⋅☆⋅⋆━━━━━━━•·

[Hey it's my birthday! This is my gift to you guys. The reader and dazai seem to grow pretty close huh? It would be a shame if something happened... ]

As always I am open for requests and ideas as well as feedback from you guys.

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clocks-and-docks · 5 years

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＊- “steaming hot coffee”

⇢She wasn’t normally a coffee person, but Andrea was recovering from last night’s bender and hot coffee was the antidote she needed. Not having any coffee or a coffee maker, she stopped by the local cafe. She was a regular at this cafe, but for the food, not coffee. Her head was hurting so bad, she couldn’t even be bothered to flirt with the cute blonde working there.

Once her black coffee was in front of her, Andrea lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip. The steaming hot coffee made contact with her tongue and she nearly spit it out. Maybe patience was a virtue she ought to try out for once. Or putting in some cream.

#mistresstrupin #tw:alcohol #i have to keep using that with andy #pi:closed

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depression-culture-is · 2 years

Note

Vent

Tw:Alcoholism,Addiction

I didn't wanna talk about this and i thought very long about whether i should submit it or not. I don't have anyone to confine in about this matter since i dont want people to know about it. Here it goes:

I'm so tired of my parent's relationship. They have had lots of issues to work on since i was young. I love both of them but my dad is particularly problematic. He is an alcoholic. Been one even before he got with my mom. I remember my mom used to tell me and my siblings that our dad took some medicine and thats why he was acting weird, when we were younger to conceal the fact that he was drinking. All of that to keep us from hating him and resenting him. She wanted us to love him and have an okayish relationship with him.

He was worse in the past, now that he is older he has improved but also he still drinks excessively and more. Its just now that we are older too its easier to control the situation

The thing I hate most about it is anytime they get into a fight he goes to drink and blames mom about the fight and then they stop talking to each other and usually i end up being the mediator/messenger till they make up.

There were a couple of times where I confronted him and told him he is at fault and that if he loved us he would fight harder to get sober.(he has gotten sober in the past , the longest he lasted was 2 years and it was a really nice time and we did our best not to trigger/upset him so he could stay sober then one day he broke his sobriety over some minimal argument he was having with mom)

I know addiction is hard to fight but he keeps on dismissing us and when I intervene or try to be honest about it he tells me that Im just repeating what mom has been "feeding" us about him.

But thats not true at all. Mom always tried to show us his positive side and whenever i would tell her Im starting to hate me she would try to swing my opinion on him. Recently he had this big fight with mom and mom asked of me to talk to him and tell him how he is behaving wrongly (i did agree with mom) but he got upset with me and angry and told me I shouldn't butt in if the subject doesn't concern me.

But it does. Its been affecting me my whole life mentaly and otherwise. I started having bitter thoughrs about relationships, im afraid ill never find a good partner since if my dad is the good man(as mom says) then what if i end up with a worse guy?

At some point i wished they would divorce. In my senior year of high school during my national exams they had one of their worst fights and that affected me a lot and i ended up doing bad on my chem exam

Rn im studying abroad and each time i ring him up and hear his drunken voice i get so upset because my younger siblings are still there and because i know how upsetting the fights can be for them, especially my younger brother. He likes to act tough but he always gets scared the most when they fight.

We did try having dad attentd therapy/ get help but the therapist wasnt as serious and in the end dad stopped and that was it.

I really want them to divorce because i see how unhappy they are together but mom is like an anchor for dad. Im afraid of what will happen to dad if he lives alone. He seems to be depressed, and he hates the world and im afraid he will end up harming himself if he feels abandoned.

Its such a complex situation and i have conflicting feelings over it. And i hate that he thinks we shouldn't intervene in the situation and that we are brainwashed by mom's words.

Im so sorry for the long rant. I had to get it out somewhere.

I'm so sorry, anon. You should not have to be in the middle of that. I'm wishing you all the best.

#not depression culture #depression #depressed #mental health #trigger warning: alcoholism #Trigger warning: addiction

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readingnerd22 · 4 years

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra) Characters: Adora (She-Ra), Catra (She-Ra), Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow (She-Ra), Double Trouble (She-Ra), Micah (She-Ra), Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra) Additional Tags: catradora, she-ra au, She-ra MMA au, gangster au, Adora is a mma star, Catra has a bit of a ego, mutilchapter fic, adora is a big softie, Slow Burn, tw:drugs, tw:alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, will add more tags as i need to Summary:

Adora and Catra grew up fighting together. Adora left for college, and Catra had to find herself. But she fell in with the wrong crowd. Years later, the two finally meet back up, and try to pick up the broken pieces that they left behind. Catra looks for a way out, while Adora is gaining more stardom in the big league mma matches. Through heart aches and broken limbs, they'll figure it out. Hopefully.

#Catradora #Adora #Catra #she-ra and the princesses of power

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ask-the-jester-buds · 4 years

Text

WARNING! DISCLAIMER!

Next weekend, from Friday to Monday, we are planning our next event to tell you all more about our original cast! ;) We do not want to tell you more as we don’t want to ruin the fun, HOWEVER we would like to post a warning before the event starts.

In this event we will be touching several stories of our troll’s lives, this stories include themes of Abuse, toxic relationships, death/blood between others.

As you all might know here in JesterBuds we care deeply for your safety and your comfort, therefor we would like to tell everyone beforehand so either you can black list the trigger warnings, black list the event or unfollow us during the duration of the weekend.

We do not mind at all that you unfollow us or blacklist our tags, in fact we encourage it as long as it keeps you from seeing something triggering in your feed.

We wont be too explicit with said topics, but they will be mentioned and implied.

You can easily find the tags as we will write starting with “tw:” Examples: tw:abuse, tw:alcohol, tw:gore, etc. We will do out best to keep all tags in check! However if there is something we might miss, please feel free to notify us via PM or ask so we can add said tags.

Your safety is our priority.

This post will be reblogged throughout the week so all our followers can be notified.

With all that said, I hope you all enjoy our new event!

#2 sweeps event #important!!!#ooc

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savemefromanepicoftimewasted · 5 years

Text

I Always Knew

Steve Rogers X Bucky Barnes Steve laughed bitterly, taking off his glasses to wipe away the tears that had begun to slide down his cheeks. Bucky wanted to reach over and wipe them away for him, to show him that he wasn’t completely alone.

a/n:this is my submission for @capcountdownchristmas, i got the quote “You’re being ungrateful!” hope you guys enjoy! tw:alcoholism references, cheating, fluff at the end at least!

Steve was known to go over the top with decorations, they were usually scattered around the apartment he shared with both Sam, and Bucky. The other two men didn’t mind so much, as long as it didn’t affect them personally. So when they came home and found the apartment clean, with absolutely no decorations whatsoever, it was quite a shock. Surely Steve knew that it was after Thanksgiving, and that he was allowed to decorate.

“Do you think he forgot or something?” Sam looked around the living room, as if he could find the answers there.

“We’ve known the man since we were kids Sam, he didn’t forget that Christmas is a few weeks away.” Bucky stepped over to the fireplace, electric as it was cleaner than an actual fireplace, noticing a few things were missing.

Steve had put a picture of himself with his mom, and Peggy, back before she’d lost her battle with cancer and left Steve to be on his own. A loud crunch echoed in the otherwise silent apartment as Bucky turned to face Sam. The frame had been thrown onto the ground, glass shattered against the dark wood.

“What the hell?” Bucky knelt down, pushing aside the broken glass to pull the photo out of the now broken frame.

“Isn’t that the last picture Steve had with his mom?” Sam abandon his search and headed over to where Bucky was, glancing over his shoulder.

“Yeah, so why the hell was this on the floor?” Bucky knew damn well that it couldn’t of magically fallen off.

The frame was sturdy on top of the mantle, they’d done enough stupid shit in the past that could’ve easily knocked it off, and nothing had, so what changed? Luckily the photo inside looked to be completely fine, except for the fact that Peggy was no longer in the photo.

“Oh shit.” Bucky handed the torn picture over to Sam, sighing more to himself than anything.

It was obvious what had happened, and this wasn’t something either of them were trained to handle properly. Bucky had seen Steve go through nearly everything in his life, had been the one to help pick up the pieces when his mother passed. This though? Bucky wasn’t ready to deal with it just yet.

“It doesn’t sound like he’s home, he probably left after he threw the frame, and tore the picture up.” Sam shook his head, setting the photo down onto the coffee table.

Alpine, Bucky’s little furball of a cat, had perched himself in the middle of the couch, curled up in a comfortable ball, watching the two adults try and figure out what to do.

“We need to talk to him, figure out what happened.” Bucky could already feel a headache forming, running his hands through his hair with a long sigh.

“Trust me, I know, but I’m afraid of how he’s going to react to all of this.” Sam merely shrugged, stepping around to go into the kitchen.

Alpine perked his head up, meowing softly as Bucky reached over to pet him gently. Sometimes he wished he could talk to Al, figure out what he should do with his life so he didn’t feel so lost.

“Buck, I don’t think he left.” Sam’s voice, although quiet, was loud enough to gain his attention.

Bucky headed over, picking up the sound of what seemed to be someone sobbing. Shit, had Steve been home this entire time? Listening to them discuss what was going to happen when they had to confront him?

“Give him some space for now, if we go in there he’s gonna be pissed, and I’m not gonna be on the receiving end of Steve’s anger.” Sam had a point, whenever Steve was upset he tended to cry first, and get unbearably angry second.

It wasn’t going to be easy though, not if Bucky planned on trying to figure out what even set Steve off in the first place. If this had anything to do with Peggy, Steve was going to be a wreck for a while. They were inseparable, and it seemed like things hadn’t ended as pleasantly as everyone had expected.

“I gotta do something Sam, I can’t just let him wallow in his own self pity, he’d hate us for letting him do that.” Bucky frowned, watching as Sam’s brow rose nearly to his hairline.

“I’m sorry, did you just say you wanted to go help Steve whose most likely having a mental breakdown? The man will kill you with his bare hands without a single thought.” Sam had a point, but damnit, Bucky needed to help his friend.

Which is exactly what he didn’t do. Bucky had tried to knock nearly five times, chickening out each and every time he was outside the door. He knew better than to try and get Steve to open up when his wounds were too open and raw. Instead, he headed down to his own bedroom and turned on netflix, letting Alpine climb onto his stomach and relax.

And it was perfectly fine for the night, he wasn’t entirely sure when he’d managed to fall asleep, the sun peeking through the blinds letting him know that it was morning. Al was still perched on his stomach, sleeping as contedly as ever. Man, what Bucky wouldn’t give to feel that kind of relaxation.

Unfortunately, when he managed to get out of bed and head out to get some breakfast for himself and the little feline, he noticed that Steve was already gone for the day. He always went for a jog in the morning before heading down to work. Except it was a saturday, so he had the day off.

“Have you seen Steve?” Bucky looked over to where Sam was busy typing on his laptop, brow furrowed in concentration.

“Nope, he was gone before I even got up, and you know I don’t sleep very late anymore.” Sam had gotten into the habit of waking up at the ass crack of dawn, and it hadn’t stopped him for a while.

“Shit, do you think he’d answer if I called him?” Sam gave Bucky a ‘you really can’t be this stupid’ type of look.

Bucky, on the other hand, happened to be quite stupid when he wanted to be. Which ended with him calling Steve approximately three times, and texting him five before finally giving up. He wanted to be left entirely alone, and it was glaringly obvious.

“Maybe I could call Peggy, see what’s going on.” There was clearly tension in the air, something had happened that Steve refused to share.

They’d broken up years ago, fortunately there was no ill will towards the other, or at least no one could sense that. Sam noticed an open envelope, addressed to Sam, Bucky, and Steve. He was expecting some kind of invitation to another wedding, or a jack and jill for one of their friends that were getting married. What he wasn’t expecting to see was Peggy’s wedding invite, falling on the exact date of Sarah Rogers’ death.

“Buck.” Sam felt his blood run cold, fear racing through his veins as he stared at the other man.

“Please tell me that’s a joke.” Bucky took the invite from him carefully, noticing that some of the ink seemed to be smudged.

Steve must’ve checked the mail after he’d gotten home and seen the invite when Bucky, and Sam were still at work. This wasn’t something they could handle easily, Steve only ever really had his mom growing up, and to have this thrown in his face.

The door swung open harshly, slamming into the wall with a loud bang. Bucky jumped, spinning around to face the incomer. Steve looked horrible, from his rumpled clothes, bloodshot eyes that looked far too red from where Bucky could see them. The smell of whiskey seeped into the air, almost choking Bucky where he stood across the room.

“Steve, what the hell?” Bucky was ready to start yelling, to demand answers to the questions burning in his mind.

“Leav’m alone.” Steve stumbled down towards his bedroom, falling into the wall as he struggled to stay upright.

Sam could only watch with horror, the man he’d called his best friend for so long was degraded to nothing, a shell. He was so strong, had been named the Star Spangled Man With A Plan when they were all in the army together. That had been a joke, a way to keep everyone’s spirits up when they got home sick. This though? This was Steve at the lowest point he could be in.

“He did the same thing when mom passed, blamed himself for not making sure she was seeing her doctor regularly.” Bucky and Sam had practically dragged him to a rehab center for his drinking, and he’d come out of it healthy.

It had been almost nine years since her passing, they always took the day to remember Sarah for the woman she was, making promises to be the type of people that would make her happy.

“You’re his sponsor, it’s not really a surprise on why he didn’t bother talking to you.” Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair.

He was tempted to follow Steve, to see how truly broken he was over this entire mess. That wouldn’t do any good though, not unless he wanted to have the wrath that was pissed off, and drunk, Steve Rogers coming after him.

He could really only do so much.

“I’m gonna talk to him.” Bucky puffed his chest out, taking a deep breath before heading down to Steve’s room.

Sam wished him good luck, cause he was definitely going to need it right now.

The door was unlocked, and partially open when Bucky made his way down the hall, standing outside as his nerves took hold. What would he even be able to say that wouldn’t set off the blonde? ‘Oh, sorry to hear that your ex is getting married on the anniversary of your mom’s death, what’d you wanna do for dinner?’. Bucky couldn’t do that without losing his head, even if the words were simply to break the tension in the room.

“Steve?” Bucky stepped into the room slowly, unsure as to what sight would greet him.

Steve was curled up on his bed, all six feet, and two hundred forty pounds, looking as small as he had when Bucky and he were kids. How could someone manage to look so small with shoulders wider than most doorways? Now’s not the time to think about something like that.

Steve’s shoulders were falling and rising slowly, as if he was asleep. He kept his footsteps quiet, leaning over to check on his best friend. Steve wasn’t sleeping, much to Bucky’s disappointment. His cheeks were splotchy and red, streaked with tears, knuckles torn and bloody. So not only had Steve gone out and gotten beyond drunk, he’d also managed to get into a fight with someone, the cops would be showing up when Bucky least expected, he could feel it.

“She was there when it happened, saw my mom take her last breath, and this is how she decides to spend her wedding?” Bucky frowned, stepping closer to the edge of the bed.

Tears were sliding down Steve’s cheek once more, jaw set harshly as he glared a hole into the wall, well, tried to at least.

“Steve, you can’t get mad at Peggy for moving on and getting married when you were too much of a chicken shit to ask her, she has her own reasons for choosing that date.” Bucky knew his words were harsher than intended, and it wasn’t going to put him in Steve’s good graces.

The blond lunged off his bed, nearly knocking over the lamp that sat on his bedside table, his glasses were hanging precariously near the edge. How the hell had Steve managed to walk around town without them on? Or had he taken them off at some point while he was out getting drunk?

“I’m not mad that she moved on, I’m pissed off that she chose the day my mom died to get married! She knows how fucked up that date made me feel, and if you’re going to side with her, you can get the fuck out.” Bucky furrowed his brow, shocked at the words spewing from the other man’s mouth.

“You’re being ungrateful!” Bucky glared at the other man, arms crossed over his chest.

Steved laughed bitterly, throwing his head back as if he’d heard the most hilarious joke in the world. “I’m being ungrateful? For thinking my ex is being a little pessimistic and choosing a day I try not to think about because it drove me to alcoholism? I thought I knew you better, but clearly there’s things I don’t know about you.” Steve’s voice was abnormally calm, expression smoothing over into a smooth mask.

Bucky knew exactly what it meant, he’d served alongside Steve for nearly five years, this was the persona he’d taken on when he’d been promoted to Captain.

“Get out Buck.” Steve hadn’t moved an inch, body tense as he stared the other man down.

Bucky didn’t wait any longer, storming out of the room and down to where Sam was nervously pacing. It was a habit he’d picked up from being in the army, waiting to hear news about friends that were on their own missions.

“Leave him be, he’s in one of his moods right now, and I’m not about to be lectured by someone who was called Captain America.” Bucky scoffed, plopping down onto the couch with a groan.

Sam didn’t bother to ask, he knew better than to acknowledge the sudden change that seemed to shift in the air.

“Why don’t we go out and get something to eat, let him be pissy all he wants.” Bucky couldn’t deny the offer, it seemed too tempting to go out and stuff his face for the next hour.

And that’s exactly what he and Sam did. Well, Bucky only stuffed his face a little, he didn’t want to overdo it in case Steve wanted to talk when they got back. Well, Bucky knew Steve like the back of his hand, and there was no way he would be willing to talk.

Sam stepped into the apartment first, listening for any kind of noise that would let him know where Steve was. Alpine was perched on his cat bed, relaxing in the midday sun as he slept peacefully. Bucky wanted to run over and get a picture before the ball of fur woke up from his nap. He couldn’t do that though, not when he and Sam noticed that Steve had made his way out to the living room, in what Bucky could only describe as a blanket burrito.

They looked at one another, unsure of what their next step should be. Would Steve be angry that they were back at the apartment? Or would he simply pick himself and head back down to the solace of his room?

“Steve?” Sam held his hand out, slowly walking over to where the other man was currently laying.

“Bucky’s right, I am being ungrateful.” Steve’s voice sounded so hollow, void of any and all emotion as he glanced over to where the photo of him and his mom currently sat.

He’d tried to fix the frame before slipping the photo inside, grimacing at how the glass seemed to be cracked the most over his mother’s face. He’d taken the last photo he had of her, and ruined it out of his own selfishness.

“No wonder she finally gave up and left.” Steve muttered softly to himself.

“Steve, that’s not true.” Bucky frowned, standing beside Sam who’d kept a few feet between himself and Steve.

“I developed a drinking problem that nearly killed me Buck, I didn’t get into the army because I needed something to do to pass the time.” Steve laughed, the sound sodarnic and bitter.

Bucky and Sam had already enlisted by the time Steve had followed close behind, saying that he needed a new perspective on life. He’d moved up quickly, passing Bucky within the first few months before he’d been made a Captain. To know that he’d wanted to die on the battlefield, it left a sour taste in his mouth.

“Wait a second, you’re telling me when you ran into the burning building, you weren’t planning on coming back out alive? Steve, what the fuck!” Bucky was furious, his best friend was suicidal in a place where people tried to keep themselves alive at all costs.

Bucky wanted to scream at him for being so stupid and reckless, why hadn’t he said anything to Bucky or Sam? Why bottle everything inside to the point that he was ready to risk everything?

“She had been seeing Daniel before we broke up, said that I wasn’t emotionally there for her anymore, so she found someone who could do it for her.” Steve smiled to himself, it seemed disproportionate on his face.

“I had buried my mom a week before she told me, and I think the only reason she said anything was because I caught them,” Steve’s eyes welled with tears, this wasn’t something Steve had talked about before.

“God, I begged her to stay, that I could do better for her.” Bucky glanced over to Sam, forcing to keep his own emotions in check.

This wasn’t something they could easily talk about, not without opening old wounds that had healed so long ago.

“You know my mom was the only person who knew I was bisexual? I tried not to let it show, like I needed help instead of telling everyone the truth. Peggy ended up finding out after the funeral, she found a journal I’d started writing in, that was a screaming match from hell.” Steve ran a hand through his hair, grimacing at the greasy feeling.

“Said there was something wrong with me, that I shouldn’t be having feelings for anyone else, that I was a freak.” Bucky’s jaw had hit the floor, Steve had already been going through enough, and to be attacked so harshly?

Bucky felt terrible suddenly, guilt washing over him like a tidal wave as he realized he’d of reacted the same way all those years ago.

Not about Steve of course, but about himself.

“She didn’t like that you were figuring yourself out, so she wanted to make you hurt.” Sam sounded so much like a therapist that it bothered Bucky more than it should.

He’d come out to his family when he was fifteen, telling them that he was gay, and they’d been supportive of him. Of course things between him and Steve were a little tense when he’d started getting out into the dating world, but he assumed it was because he was getting into the dating pool. Steve was still tiny, overlooked by everyone around him while Bucky was pulled in every direction.

People would ask why they were friends, Steve wasn’t worth his time, Bucky could clearly do so much better. He didn’t want to though, he and Steve were best friends from childhood, and no one could change that about them. It wasn’t until Bucky had gotten together with his first boyfriend that their friendship was nearly torn apart.

Jordan Wilson was a good kid, he and Bucky were what most people would’ve considered the perfect couple, but Jordan was accepted to a college out in Cali. Bucky had told him to do what was best, so they broke off their relationship. There wouldn’t be any bad blood between the two, something Bucky was grateful for.

Except he worried about Steve more and more, the man was drinking nearly three bottles of vodka every weekend. It escalated to everyday soon after, Steve stumbling drunk wherever he went. Bucky was terrified his friend was going to get himself killed, so he sent him to rehab.

“She always told me that I’d end up alone if we broke up, I guess she was right.” The room felt thick with tension, Steve’s shoulders slumped forward as he stared at the coffee table.

“That’s not true and you know it.” Bucky sat down next to Steve, giving the other man enough space to keep him comfortable.

Steve laughed bitterly, taking off his glasses to wipe away the tears that had begun to slide down his cheeks. Bucky wanted to reach over and wipe them away for him, to show him that he wasn’t completely alone.

“Who would even want me Buck? I’m barely making ends meet, I’m a recovering alcoholic, I can’t stand the thought of the spring because it reminds me of my mom, add the PTSD from being in the army, who the hells gonna want that?” Steve didn’t turn to look at him, wiping his glasses off with the end of his shirt before sliding them back on.

Bucky could either let their conversation die where it was, or admit something he’d held in his heart ever since he was barely thirteen years old.

“I’m in love with you.” It felt like word vomit, Bucky couldn’t stop the words even if he were actually trying to.

It sounded as if everyone in the room had stopped breathing, Steve’s eyes were wide behind the lenses of his glasses. Sam was staring at him incredulously, and Bucky was more shocked he’d finally admitted it.

“It took you long enough to admit it.” Steve didn’t sound angry, more amused than anything.

“What?” Bucky felt flabbergasted, Steve knew?

Bucky glanced over to where Sam was, noticing that he looked just as confused and shocked.

“I’ve been kinda obvious about how I felt, but you never showed any interest so I backed off.” Steve glanced over at the brunette, raising a brow.

“You’ve had feelings for me?” Bucky wasn’t entirely sure how his jaw was still working, it felt almost as if it had fallen off.

“Remember when we were playing spin the bottle, well you were playing and I was sort of sitting on the side, over at Micky’s place?” Bucky nodded dumbly.

It brought a smile to Steve’s lips, he snickered under his breath.

“Well, when it landed on me and they kept telling you to kiss me cause they were kids and assholes, well I thought about that kiss all the time. I didn’t want to say anything and make stuff weird between us, but yeah.” Steve shrugged as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on Bucky.

Sam slowly walked out of the living room, clearly trying to gather his thoughts on how to even approach what was going on.

“So, would you like to get coffee sometime?” Steve’s smirk snapped Bucky out of his trance, bringing him back down to earth.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.” Bucky smiled softly, cheeks darkening with a blush.

The holidays didn’t seem so bad anymore.

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