#tw: skin picking | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

batwynn · 9 months

Text

Some examples of stims I did while growing up until I was forced to stop each one by an adult in my life:

Humming/whistling

Copying bird whistles

Chewing on my hair

Chewing on pens/pen caps/pencils/etc.

Matching a sound from around me

Repeating words/phrases frequently

Making ‘weird’ sounds with my mouth

Tapping something/tapping a finger or foot

Singing what I was doing

Blinking in patterns

Constant doodling

And undoubtably more that I don’t even remember.

The result of being forced to stop stimming no matter what stim I tried:

Constantly anxious. Constantly.

I started picking at my skin and pulling out my hair.

More outbursts and/or more shut downs.

I formed a stutter under even the smallest amount of stress.

I became less social. Didn’t talk as much. Didn’t feel comfortable communicating to anyone.

I was markedly less happy.

Restless and unable to focus because stimming helped me work with my ADHD side as well.

Confusion, hurt, and isolation because I was then aware that I was ‘weird’.

I formed a huge distrust of adults around me, including family. Which lead to me getting in trouble for not ‘respecting authority’. (Aka: I asked questions and didn’t take what everyone said as a fact.)

I developed depression.

Oh, and I was still bullied for being ‘weird’ so stopping stimming didn’t even help that. Surprise!

Eventual outcome as an autistic adult:

Constant anxiety that I often can’t source and don’t know how to sooth anymore.

No self soothing techniques work or feel ‘natural’ anymore.

I lean heavily on disassociation to get through the day and/or during stressful moments.

I’m accused of faking it, lying, etc. by people because I learned to mask my autistic traits as best as possible.

Frequently don’t have the language for when I’m overwhelmed, and frequently misunderstood when I try to explain that something is bothering me like fabric texture or sounds.

Treated like I’m incompetent, a child, or a collection of both if I don’t behave ‘perfectly’.

Talked down to a lot.

Still picking at my skin and pulling out my hair. 🥲

Constantly feel like I’m lying about who I am/ frequent identity crisis and impostor syndrome mix up.

Trouble with relationships/friendships to different extremes. (Ex: I was groomed as a kid/teen and didn’t know until I was in my late 20s. Have trouble keeping friendships because I just don’t know how to interact with people the ‘right way’.)

I had to teach myself a lot of ‘regular’ social cues and behaviors by mimicking people around me. That unfortunately doesn’t alway work, and/or comes with accidentally mimicking a personality trait/quark/etc. which leads to people thinking your mocking them or copying them.

A lot of rage for the people who treated me like shit my entire life for being autistic.

Moments of feeling very small and childish when things are out of my control.

Feeling guilty/uncomfortable about some things I like because they’re considered childish. (Ex: stuffed animals.)

Fear of any and all interactions with strangers. Fear of not being able to predict where the conversation will go. Fear of extreme negative reactions even when it doesn’t seem realistic for that to happen.

And more that are so ingrained in my life that I don’t even recognize them anymore.

I can’t not think about how my life could have turned out if those adults had let me be comfortably autistic. I can literally see physical differences in old photos of me, where I just stopped being me. Where the happiness and honesty were bullied out of me. And were my stims and behaviors that bothersome? No, actually. I had already learned to do different stims in different environments so I wasn’t being noisy when I needed to be quiet etc. But that wasn’t good enough, so every stim and every ‘weird’ behavior had to stop. Why? Because these adults had a power over me and other children like me, and they liked to abuse it.

It’s abuse. The end.

#autistic stimming #being autistic #ADHD #actually autistic #actually adhd #TW: abuse #tw: grooming #tw: depression #tw: anxiety #tw: ableism #tw: skin picking #tw: hair pulling #long post

140 notes · View notes

thattripleabattery · 6 months

Text

Newt tries to keep his hands occupied at all times bc he has a bad habit of unconsciously picking at his skin when he’s bored or stressed. He doesn’t realize he’s doing it until hermann points out he’s bleeding or to messing with his skin. So he always has to have something like a fidget toy to keep his hands busy

#Tw: skin picking #cw: skin picking #newt geiszler #newton geiszler #pacific rim #pacific rim headcanon #headcanon

19 notes · View notes

krushkreates · 1 year

Text

tw: mental health talk, talk of anxiety and depression, and mild allusions to death, skin/cuticle picking, mentions of the inversion, crying, and snakes/serpents

the thing abt asher is that he’s not the most observant person ever. it’s not to say he isnt oblivious, but subtly isn’t his strong suit. over the years though (and the years spent working security rlly do hone ur observational skills), he can proudly say he can notice a lot of small things and is a better people watcher. this obliviousness, however, never impeded on his loved ones.

he’s always noticed the slight way david frowns before trying to politely dismiss someone after they yell at him about the quote for a weekend job. he’s never missed the way milo tugs on his right earlobe when he’s stressed or how christian looks to the left when he’s lying or how arden hides some of her laughter behind her hands bc of some offhanded comment a douchebag made abt her braces in middle school. he’s never not noticed the way his father’s hardened demeanor softens when he asks about his mother, or when the old man looks at the picture of a baby asher and his mama that has always sat on the fireplace mantle in his childhood home. this observant nature naturally extended to you.

he knows you inside out- the way you’re trying to stop picking at your nails, how your knuckles tense when you catch yourself. he’s known that you twitch slightly in your sleep and that means you’re about to subconsciously move yourself closer to him in a self-soothing way (he won’t ever tell you that. he likes having that to himself). and with the natural progression of your relationship, he knows when you’re entering an episode.

the usual lighthearted scolding of leaving clothes on the floor is a tired pick up shirt please and the extra hour spent in bed on the weekend combined with either no bed making or half-assed bed making has him in care mode.

in its purest form, it is asher doing what he believes he was put on this earth. murmuring enthusiasm into your ear of i know your brain is making you tired, but you’ll feel better later if you take a bath now. and he’s bringing you soup in bed (yes it’s canned, yes he got scolded by david again and now there’s a giant container of it in the fridge) and he’s changing the bed sheets around you, like you did for him during his healing after the inversion. he’s crooning sweet, silly songs that his brain somehow knows how to make up. he’s washing your arms, kissing each part after it’s been cleaned and complimenting you you are worthy. you are wonderful. im not going anywhere. and it’s 4am holding you if you need to cry and he somehow manages to make you laugh through it all.

this is what he thinks he’s meant for. caring for the love of his life and fighting their invisible dragons. he’ll gladly slay any serpent that tries to hiss their way through their brain.

#tw: depressive episode #tw: anxiety #tw: skin picking #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted asher #redacted babe

62 notes · View notes

viraselena · 1 year

Text

I had a thought, so i cut my thumb pretty bad when taking some trash out to the dump, and the scab has been getting like UNBELIEVABLY itchy, like under the scab and in my bones itchy, and it's been catching on everything, blankets, shirts, everything.

And it got me thinking about Vash's scars, like, bro is covered in damage, and it made me wonder how often he wouldn't let them heal properly, how tender are his scars? When they are healing do they ever snag on his shirt? His coat? When hes trying to sleep how hard is it to not pick them? Does he also find relief from the itch when he presses down onto the scabs or around the damaged skin, just for it to come back with a vengeance that pressing wont fix? Does he pick at them so they dont heal properly? To make sure every cut scars as much as possible so he never forgets? Did he develope a habit of picking his skin when no one is watching?

#stampede vash #trigun stampede #trigun 1998 #trigun maximum #vash the stampede #vash thoughts #brainrot #vash brainrot #vash #tw: skin picking #skin picking #tw: dermatillomania #dermatillomania

33 notes · View notes

fandumbug · 2 years

Text

I had an Idea today:

As a bit of background, I have a thrifted hoodie I wear when I’m painting something (I’m clumsy and got tired of ruining good shirts) and the sleeves are literally caked in paint. I was having a small breakdown while wearing it and caught myself picking at the thicker bits of paint, which led me to create these:

Idk what to describe them as other than a picker/fidget. I’m neuro divergent (autism, ocd, adhd, I have a lot of acronyms) and because of that I have an intense compulsion to pick at my skin, often until I bleed. The idea with these things is that it’ll give me something to satisfy the urge to pick without harming myself. Having said that, these may be useful to someone who has a history of self harm.

I used some strips of fabric from an old pair of pants and a crapload of old, gunky acrylic paint to make these, and once the paint is completely dry I’m going to figure out how to make them wearable as bracelets or arm bands.

#my art #kinda?#tw: skin picking #tw: self harm #autism #adhd #anxiety #ocd #neurodivergent #coping mechanism #coping ideas #shut up tori

6 notes · View notes

bigboymoozz · 2 years

Text

"Fidget toys" I have a perfectly good scalp right here wdym. just dig my nails on in there.

#fidget toys #stim toys #adhd #tw: body mutilation #??#i think?#i mean i am currently bleeding from my head rn #tw: sh #??? maybe??#god im so fucking itchy #it wasnt for fidgeting at first i just am so itchy that i made scabs everywhere and now i have fun picking at it #tw: skin picking

4 notes · View notes

a-friendly-dumpster-fire · 2 years

Text

me: ugh why do my hands smell metallic and bloody all the time it’s so annoying. where did the blood even come from???

also me: *picks off my skin and makes it bleed*

#tw: skin picking #?#just to be safe #final exams are picking up and hoooooollyyy shit #the amount of stress it’s brining #man i’ve got all my cuticles wrapped in bandaids #out of all the bad habits i could have #it was skin picking

2 notes · View notes

whensuddenlycats · 3 months

Text

Upon discovering that my chest was covered in tiny, barely discernable pimples, I immediately jumped into action and methodically dug out each one, most multiple times just for good measure. Now my chest is covered in inflamed, open wounds, just like God (derogatory) intended. Hashed Tag Self Tear

#tw: skin picking #tw: bodily harm #tw: self-harm #tw: skin picking disorder #tw: pimple popping

0 notes

maramcna-a · 8 months

Note

cold, sender places their jacket over receiver's shoulders. ( raf & alex again )

How he ended up in the garden was lost on him, how Rafa ended up finding him there was also lost on him. Maybe Alex was just too far inside of his own head to recognize the world around him, he just needed to walk.

Here he was, standing in the garden unsure what he was doing. When did he start picking at his fingers? He should make a list but he just can't get past one.

Pick. Pick. Pick.

The skin around his nails was going to be red and angry and if he didn't stop there would be blood and the disappointed stares of Amy and Rafa when he went back inside. Rafael.

A jacket was draped over his shoulders and for the first time in... Well, he didn't know how long he had been gone actually, but he did know that his mind wasn't racing and he could take a breath he didn't know he was holding. Alex looked over and to see who it was and when he saw Rafa's worried expression, his hands dropped to his side. "Hi.."

#leschanceux #alex // answers #tw: panic attack #tw: skin picking

0 notes

tyranasaurusbec · 10 months

Text

Aaaaaaaagh

I've had a bump next to my nose piercing for like a week and a half now and I've been treating it really well until today when I noticed it was peeling a little bit so I fucking picked at it and peeled off the top layer except the top layer was like 80% of it and then it bled a lot and my nose piercing wasn't infected before but it's almost definitely going to be now

And then I'm gonna get a scar and have a lump forever instead of just being patient and letting it go down on its own and not scarring

And my nose is one of my better face features and now I've gone and ruined it and on my good side too fucking dammit

And I'm so mad at myself for it because I knew I shouldn't have done it but I did and I know it's 90% a control thing because I've been very out of control in other areas of my life rn and I needed to exert control over something somehow and this is better than not eating but I hate it sm I'm so stupid FUCK

#vent #tw: skin picking #cw: negative self talk #Rachel if you read this I'm fine I'm just angry

1 note · View note

trixeraptops · 1 year

Text

tw: blood, skin picking

I woke up with blood underneath my nails. Apparently I bled during the night.

#Tw: blood #tw: skin picking

0 notes

stetsonnewsie · 1 year

Text

*Looks at self, feels happy about appearance*

My incessant need to pick:

#StetsonHasThingsToSay #Stetson is having a bad skin time #tw: skin picking

0 notes

outofbinaryspace · 1 year

Note

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. Learn to know your mutuals and followers. 💚

Hey thanks for the ask!

In no particular order:

1. When my cat is mostly asleep/sleeping and I pet her and she shoves her head into my hand.

2. Whenever I’m (usually virtually) hanging out with my friends and start laughing (especially if I can’t stop after a few seconds) and they join in laughing with me even if they don’t know why I’m laughing

This makes me happy cause I haven’t had the best luck in any kind of relationships and even with my own family so having people that laugh with me instead of judging me or laughing at me is a nice feeling.

3. My parents dogs. Well honestly the older boy. I do love the puppy but I’m not as attached to her. The boy was abused as a puppy and we got him when he was 1 or 2. He’s now 5 (I think). He’s a very sweet lad and also a giant. Even for his breed he is tall. Anyway I’m one of his favorite people and I love him. He’s just a giant cuddle bug and while he’s had to overcome a lot, he’s a good boy.

4. I know a lot of people do not like Christmas and how it’s capitalist propaganda and whatever

I love Christmas. I love the cold weather, the hot coco, the pretty lights and decorations, the sappy romcoms, the old stop motion movies, the music (especially the classic old timey songs)

5. This is a bit of a weird one. And kinda gross. TW: skin disease, skin picking

Background info:

Up until I was 20/21 the backs of my ears were basically reptilian. A very pale shade of yellow. Both ears were covered in it. My ears ached from it. And itched. Scratching and peeling it off felt really good. After getting all the scales off I would be in heaven. Because for that precious little time my ears were smooth and light. However peeling and scratching led to my ears bleeding from it. And shedding. It also smelled after being peeled.

It drove me insane. I was paranoid about the shedding. Sunlight hurt more. I couldn’t stand anything touching my ears. Including my glasses that I refused to wear. Gee I wonder why.

When I started fencing I had to worry about how to put my mask on. Because if it touched/smushed my ears I’d tear up from the pain. I remember there was one time I was about to bout one of my teammates and I put my mask on wrong and it folded my ear. I could feel the scales breaking and being ripped from the skin. I had to take a breather and my coach asked me what was wrong and all I could say was I put my mask on wrong which to her made absolutely zero sense.

For those curious: the scales were dead skin cells. For whatever reason they did not fall off like they should have after dying. And because they didn’t i had a constant pile of them on both my ears.

Medicines did not work. When I was a kid I had it on my scalp. My mom used a shampoo on me to try and treat it. The shampoo burned. It burned so badly and I had to let it burn because it was supposed to stay in for twenty minutes. I cried because it hurt so much. And I am not a big cryer. I got hit right in the ankle by an automatic softball machine and didn’t cry.

The shampoo didn’t help. And then there were creams and eventually it was noticed I have it on both eyelids. And they gave me a cream that also did not work and made it look like I had just been crying my eyes out. I had multiple teachers ask me if I was okay. Cue the embarrassing explanation. Even worse when my friends noticed.

My mom and I gave up after that. I accepted I was never going to grow out of it and I’d just have to deal with it.

Then I saw a doc at my (former) uni. She’d help me with my mental health and the times I’d gotten sick. I trusted her. And by god was that the best choice I ever made.

She got me yet another cream. I will admit I did not have any hope. But then it actually worked…after a few rounds my ears weren’t scales. They were normal.

And have stayed that way since!

Even now I’ll mess with my ears just for fun. And it makes me happy. It’s silly I know but for me my smooth and normal ears aren’t something I had until recently. I’ve even thought about piercing them since it’s been threeish years now and it doesn’t look like it’ll come back.

(I still do have it on my eyelids but it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as my ears did. The only noticeable thing is that my eyelids are red instead of skin colored. I am going to see if I can get it treated tho. I did ask before but she was hesitant to treat it cause eyelids being so close to the eyes)

#v answers questions #tw: skin disease #tw: skin picking

1 note · View note

birinboom · 2 years

Text

October Nights

Gyuutarou x Muslim Fem!Reader

Word count: 2,669

Summary: Falling in love with your best friend’s older brother isn’t easy, especially when you don’t know if he returns your feelings

Genre: College!AU / University!AU, fluff, dating, Reader is a foreign exchange student, she’s very close with her older brother, and she is Muslim (it’s mentioned that she follows a halal diet, whether she wears a veil/hijab is left ambiguous, praying is not mentioned),

Warnings: Food, brief kissing, dermatillomania/skin-picking (this may potentially be the wrong description for what Gyuutarou is doing, but I’d rather label it as this than having someone vulnerable read it and get triggered)

Note: This is a birthday gift to @thehouseofmaple. I hope you have a lovely birthday 💖

2nd note: Please know that I am not Muslim, so writing a Muslim reader has meant a lot of research. If I have gotten something horribly wrong, please let me know so I can edit the fic.

On that note, I’m aware that the reader studying abroad all on her own would not be allowed in some cultures. I’ve decided to leave this in for the sake of the story.

You always loved October nights in Japan. You loved how the brilliantly colored leaves blazed in the setting sun, the sky slowly turning darker as the temperature dropped until you could clearly see your breath in the frigid air, the chill wind nipping at your face. You loved how bright the few visible stars were once darkness had completely fallen, twinkling above you like tiny, distant candle flames.

It was on one of these lovely October nights that you first met Gyuutarou.

“I want you to meet my brother.”

You looked at Ume over the rim of your tea cup. The two of you had known each other close to seven months at this point. Ume had taken the seat next to you on your first day of university classes, and she had been quick to take you under her wing, helping you when you struggled with unfamiliar words, and listening when you talked about missing your family. She always nodded along when you talked about your older brother and how close the two of you were, mirroring your sentiment when she talked about her own older brother. But you had yet to meet him.

You knew that Ume and Gyuutarou had lived a rough life, though you didn’t know the full details. Ume had once made a throwaway comment about not wanting to show you their shabby house, and you had decided not to press her on it. So when the two of you got together outside of class, you usually went to the library or hung out in your dorm room. Until now.

You shivered, shoving your hands deeper into your pockets, as you followed Ume towards her home.

Ume grinned at you over her shoulder. “Hang on, we’re nearly there!”

Then she stopped so abruptly that you bumped into her. Moving around her, you glanced at her face. Her smile had disappeared.

“Ume, what--”

She fixed you with a hard look. “Before we go any further, I need to tell you something.”

You nodded, waiting for her to continue.

Ume glanced at her feet. “It’s about my brother. He… was born with some birth defects. His spine is crooked and he has scarring on his face…”

You nodded again, not entirely sure where she was going with her explanation.

Fixing you with another hard stare, Ume said, “You’d better not say anything mean to him! I won’t forgive you if you do!”

You couldn’t help but be taken aback by her words. “You really think I’d do that?!”

Slowly, Ume shook her head. “No, I don’t. But I’ve been wrong before, with other friends who I thought were decent people. With guys who wanted to date me but refused to even look at Onii-chan. Some of them called him ugly. That’s why I waited to introduce you two; I needed to be sure that you won’t be weird about it.” Looking back down at her shoes, she added, “He’s a great guy, the best brother I could hope for. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

You gently put your hand on Ume’s shoulder, making her look at you again.

“I would never be mean to your brother,” you said. “I know how much he means to you.”

Ume nodded, the smile reappearing on her face.

“I’m home, Onii-chan!”

Following Ume into the small apartment she shared with her brother, you finally came face to face with Gyuutarou. He stood in front of the stove, stirring something in a pan. Hearing Ume’s greeting, he turned to the two of you.

You had at first thought that he’d been stooped over the low stove, but as he came closer, returning Ume’s greeting, you realized what Ume had meant when she said that Gyuutarou’s spine was crooked - he seemed unable to fully straighten out his upper back. You looked up at him shyly, not allowing your gaze to linger on the dark patches on his sallow skin. But even then, you couldn’t understand how anybody could call him ugly. Different, yes. But far from ugly.

“So we finally get to meet, huh?” Gyuutarou said. “Ume has told me so much about you.”

You forced a shy smile onto your face. “She’s told me a lot about you, too. I hope we can get along.”

Gyuutarou grinned at you, showing off uneven teeth. “I’d like that!” Looking briefly towards the stove, he added, “Ume said that you’re Muslim?”

You nodded.

“I looked into halal cooking a little bit,” Gyuutarou said, “but I wasn’t able to find a halal butcher around here. So I cooked a vegan meal. Is that OK?”

You nodded again. “Vegan is fine as long as there’s no alcohol in it.”

Gyuutarou grinned at you again. “No alcohol, I made sure to remember that part!” Turning back to the stove, he continued, “It’ll be different to cook without any alcohol when you’re over, but I like a challenge!”

It didn’t take you long to grow comfortable with Gyuutarou’s company. You started spending most of your free time at the Shabana siblings’ apartment, studying at the dining table alongside Ume, helping Gyuutarou cook dinner and teaching him recipes from your home country, or simply hanging out.

During these times, it was usually your and Ume’s voices that filled the air, Gyuutarou opting to stay silent and just listen. But even though he didn’t say much, he still managed to convey a lot with his face and body language. And it didn’t take you long to fall deeply in love with him.

You didn’t know what to do with your newfound feelings. Normally you would’ve gone to Ume for advice, but telling her this time was out of the question. You had no idea how she might react, and you couldn’t bear the thought of losing one of your few friends so far from home. So you decided to keep quiet, absentmindedly nodding along when Ume talked about the most recent cute boy she’d met.

Shortly before New Year’s Eve, Ume asked you to come along on the first date with a new boy.

“Onii-chan usually comes along to keep an eye on me.”

She burst into a fit of giggles when she saw your wide-eyed expression. “He doesn’t sit next to me or anything! He just stays close by in case my date turns out to be a creep. But I feel bad that he’s all alone, so I thought you could come along!”

You swallowed hard. “You mean like a double date?”

“No, not quite like that, since the two of you wouldn’t be close to us, you’d just be keeping Onii-chan company until I decide whether I like my date or not.” Grasping your hands, she gave you her best puppy-eyed look. “Please? I already feel bad dragging Onii-chan along, it would make me feel a lot better if I knew that he had a good time, too! And I know you two always enjoy spending time together, it would be perfect! Pleeease?”

You couldn’t say no to her. And you honestly wouldn’t mind spending some time alone with Gyuutarou.

“Alright, fine,” you said. “I’ll help you out.”

It quickly became a regular occurrence. You and Gyuutarou would hang out in the same place as Ume and her newest date, keeping an eye on them until Ume decided that she’d either had enough of her date, or that she trusted him well enough to leave with him. And even though you spent most of your time glancing at Ume and her date, you and Gyuutarou still had a lot of fun. It made it easy to forget that it wasn’t actually a date between the two of you.

But reality often caught up with you when Gyuutarou offered to walk you home at the end of the night. He always kept just a bit of distance between the two of you, hands buried deep in his pockets. It made you want to cry.

Hiding your feelings became more and more unbearable. And one night, about a year after you met Gyuutarou, you decided to reveal everything to him.

You had been more than surprised when you realized that the restaurant Ume’s newest date was taking her to had multiple halal options on their menu. You had gotten used to either picking vegan options or just not eating during Ume’s dinner dates.

Gyuutarou smiled broadly at you. “I found this place online and I asked Ume to suggest it to her date. Guess we won’t have to stop somewhere else later tonight.”

You returned his smile. “I keep telling you that I’m fine with eating when I get home. But I really appreciate that you took the time to look for a place.”

Gyuutarou looked away from you, scratching at his cheek. “Nah, it’s nothing. I don’t feel right eating in front of you and not at least offering to find you something later.”

You sighed. “I can’t pretend that it isn’t difficult when even most of the vegan food is cooked with some form of alcohol… But I make do.”

He looked at you again. “Do you miss home?”

“I do,” you admitted. “I miss living in a country where there is a large Muslim population, it makes cooking and eating so much easier. And I miss my family a lot.” Smiling up at him, you added, “You and Ume should come with me next time I go back, I’d love to show you around!”

Gyuutarou mirrored your smile. “I’d like that. I’ve never been outside of Japan.”

You continued chatting about your home for a while, Gyuutarou paying rapt attention to every word. Then, both of your phones received a new notification. You could tell what it was from just looking at the preview. Ume had decided to go off somewhere with her date again.

Gyuutarou swiped the message away with a tired smile.

“There she goes again, ditching us for the guy we were supposed to help her judge.” Looking at you again, he continued, “I’m happy for her, though, y’know. Happy that I can help her, happy that she can find a guy to make her happy, even if it’s only for a little while.” Sighing, he looked away. “At least one of us gets to be happy.”

The last few words were said so low that you weren’t sure you’d heard them right. You decided to ignore them, gathering up the courage to finally settle what had been on your mind for months.

“Would you ever do this?” you asked, pointing to the empty table. “Bring Ume along on a first date to help you figure out if your date is worth your time?”

Gyuutarou just stared at you for a moment, before he let out a wry laugh.

“Nah, I don’t do dates. I’d just get turned down instantly if I asked someone out, anyway. Ume is the pretty one, I’m the ugly one, that’s how it’s always been. I’m fine with just supporting her.”

Hesitating for a moment, he added, “And you. I’d be… happy to help you in the same way if you need it.”

You watched him absentmindedly raise his hand while he spoke, fingernails digging into his neck, leaving long, pink welts on pale skin as he dragged them downward. Without thinking, you reached out, gently pulling his hand away and settling your entwined hands back onto the table.

Gyuutarou watched you silently, his face unreadable.

You swallowed hard, steeling your mind. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, you said, “I appreciate it, but I’d prefer it if it wasn’t a double date. A-at least not to begin with.”

Gyuutarou gave a short nod. “I figured as much. You wouldn’t want to be seen with me, wouldn’t want me to scare the guys away--”

Shaking your head, you cut him off. “That’s not what I was trying to say! I mean that, rather than having you there as support, I’d like the date to be with you!”

Gyuutarou snapped his mouth shut with an audible click, his eyes widening. But he stayed quiet - to the point where you felt the need to fill the awkward silence.

“A-a-and you’re wrong! You’re not ugly. I think you’re cute.”

No response - Gyuutarou just kept staring at you. It made you fidget in your seat, worrying that you had blown your chance, that you were about to get turned down.

Finally, you felt Gyuutarou shift his hand underneath yours. His knuckles brushed against your palm and you released your grip, allowing him to pull away. Instead, his hand crept forward, interlacing your fingers.

You watched as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Then he drew in a deep breath.

“If that’s how you feel, then… would you like to go on a date at some point?”

Finally, you felt a smile cover your face, so wide that it made your cheeks hurt.

“I’d like that,” you said, “I’d like that very much!”

A soft, happy smile spread on Gyuutarou’s face, unlike anything you’d ever seen before. It made a gleeful, tingling feeling spread in your body, knowing that you were the cause of such a smile.

Giving you another short nod, Gyuutarou finally pulled his hand from yours.

“It’s getting late. Want me to walk you home?”

Your smile somehow widened even further. “Sure, I’d appreciate that.”

The autumn night was freezing. You let out a deep exhale, still amazed at the cloud of steam that exited your mouth.

“Cold?” Gyuutarou asked.

You nodded, rubbing your hands together to fight the frigid air.

Reaching out, he grabbed one of your hands, entwining his warm fingers with yours.

“C’mon, let’s get you home.”

The two of you walked in silence, enjoying the crunch of half-frozen leaves beneath your feet.

Reaching your apartment building, Gyuutarou came to a halt, seemingly unwilling to let go of your hand. Not that you minded in the least.

Gyuutarou cleared his throat. “I--” He stopped, then started again. “I’m really happy about what you said, y’know. About me not being ugly. Never had a girl tell me that before.”

You smiled shyly up at him. “I mean it. I’ve never seen you as ugly.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Eyes widening, you stared up at Gyuutarou, who seemed equally surprised by his own boldness. He cut his gaze to the side, pale cheeks tinged a faint pink, and his free hand once again came up to scratch at his neck.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean-- It’s okay if you don’t want to… to kiss me yet, I just--”

Reaching up, you pulled his hand away from his neck.

“I’m not going to lie,” you said, “your question is kind of forward. But… y-yes, I’d like it if you’d… kiss me.”

Pulling his hand from yours once more, Gyuutarou reached up to cup your face. You watched breathlessly as he inched closer, feeling the pads of his fingers caress your cheek. Then you closed your eyes.

His warm lips brushed over yours, gentle, curious, molding to the shape of your mouth. Pulling back, he let out a soft sigh. Then he kissed you again.

“I knew it!” Ume shrieked, hopping excitedly from one foot to the other. “I knew there was something between you two! I’m so happy that you finally figured it out!”

Bouncing forward, she pulled both of you into a tight hug. You heard Gyuutarou let out a cough as she squeezed him, and you caught his eyes over Ume’s shoulder. He just shrugged, that soft, happy smile back on his face.

You returned his smile, a weight falling off your shoulders, knowing that Ume fully endorsed your relationship with her brother.

Pulling back, Ume fixed you with a hard look. “But don’t even think about hurting him. Then you’ll have to deal with me!”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the similarity between the Shabana siblings. “I’d never dream about it!” you assured her. “I care about both of you too much.”

Thank you so much for reading! Likes, comments, and reblogs are always greatly appreciated! If you like, you can check out my other works here. Love, Birin 💖

32 notes · View notes