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howlingtides · 6 months

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A concerned Chuuya finds a drunk Dazai in the bath (Chuuya's POV) - Part 1/2

tw: scars, suicidal ideation, implied self-harm, drinking

tags: hurt/comfort, soukoku's version of fluff, drunk Dazai

Part 1 / Part 2

"Oi, Dazai." Chuuya pounded on the door.

It was nearly 3 am and Chuuya should be in bed sleeping - it was his day off - but instead he was here, standing outside of shitty Dazai's apartment, waiting for that histrionic mummy to open the goddamn door.

Dazai had called him.

Dazai never calls him.

And at this hour?

Chuuya had woken up to the sound of his phone ringing, had just missed the call. He'd be lying if he said his stomach hadn't dropped when he checked the caller ID. He'd also be lying if he said his heart hadn't begun to race when he'd tried calling back multiple times to no avail.

If it had been anyone else, he would've gone back to bed and tried again in the morning. Whatever it was, they could figure it out.

But this was Dazai.

And that's what scared him.

"Dazai," he called again, jiggling the door handle, "if this is some sort of elaborate prank, I'm gonna throw your phone into the river and strangle you with your own-"

The door opened as Chuuya pushed. Oh. It was unlocked. "-bandages," he finished to himself.

It was dark as he stepped inside, all the lights were off save for a light that was coming from around the corner.

Coming from the bathroom.

"Dazai?" Chuuya's voice softened as he walked towards the light, stopping in the bathroom doorway.

Dazai was in the tub. It was filled to the brim with water, and he was naked, arm draped over the side, swirling a glass of whiskey in his hand. A bottle of whiskey sat on the tile floor next to him, about half empty.

And he wasn't wearing his bandages.

Chuuya's breath caught.

Scars littered his arms, his neck, his chest, some deeper than others, some larger, some smaller. Chuuya knew they were there, had seen one or two of them before at the slip of a bandage from time to time, but seeing them all at once like this?

His chest tightened.

Dazai lifted his head from where it was propped against the tile wall. His hair was wet, pushed off of his face, showing off yet another scar on his forehead, just beneath his hairline, that was typically hidden beneath dark bangs.

He brought the glass to his lips and spoke as if he was speaking to no one in particular, though Chuuya was pretty sure he knew he was there, had to have heard him, had to have known by now that he wasn't alone.

"Do you think this is what Oda meant?" he asked before taking a sip. He swallowed, licking his lips. "To be on the side that saves people."

It ended as more of a statement than a question, and Chuuya wasn't sure what to say.

Dazai continued, keeping his eyes forward. "I might have fucked up, Chuuya."

The use of his name caught Chuuya off guard. So Dazai was talking to him.

He stepped into the bathroom, pulling off his hat and setting it on the counter. "You only just realizing that now?"

The sound of Chuuya's voice made Dazai jump a little as he turned, looking at Chuuya for the first time since he'd been there.

His eyes were red.

"I've been fucking up my whole life," he said with so much sincerity that Chuuya couldn't help but believe him. "It's no secret. A scar for every fuck-up. For every time I couldn't..." His words trailed off as he took another sip of whiskey.

Chuuya slipped out of his jacket, hanging it on the corner of the door. "If you're looking for pity, you're gonna have to try a lot harder than that."

The corner of Dazai's lip curled upward ever so slightly as he turned to face forward again.

Chuuya considered it a win.

"Why did you call me out here?" Chuuya said, crossing his arms.

"I didn't call you out here," Dazai said, because he had to correct Chuuya, because he always had to be right no matter what kind of self-destructive mindset he was in.

Chuuya sighed. "Why did you call me?"

Dazai thought about it for a moment, staring down into his glass. "You're the only one who understands," he said so matter-of-factly that it hurt before he downed the rest of his whiskey.

Shit.

What the fuck was Chuuya supposed to say to that?

He stood there for a moment, trying to decide how he was supposed to feel or what he was supposed to think or what he was supposed to do. His brain was fried and his soul was tired and he didn't have the energy to feel right now.

He'd been asleep a half an hour ago.

Fuck it.

He moved forward, grabbing the bottle and taking a swig, the whiskey burning his throat as he sat on the floor next to Dazai. He was suddenly bothered by the fact that he hadn't taken his boots off, and he handed the bottle to Dazai as he unzipped them, kicking them off.

Dazai refilled his glass. "So disrespectful," he said.

"Sorry I didn't think to take off my shoes when I came over to make sure you weren't dead," Chuuya spat, immediately regretting it.

He grabbed the bottle from Dazai and took another drink.

Dazai's eyes widened. "You thought I was gonna kill myself?"

"I didn't know what to think," he said, raising his voice. "What kind of asshole calls someone at 3 am and doesn't leave a message or text and doesn't answer when they try to call him back or-" He caught his breath, running his fingers through his hair. "That was such a shitty fucking thing to do, you suicidal prick."

The room went quiet for a moment as Dazai thought again, and Chuuya took another drink.

"You're right," Dazai said eventually. "That was a shitty thing to do." His eyes met Chuuya's. "I'm sorry."

They stayed like that for a minute, eyes locked onto each other until Dazai moved, turned his body in the tub, water sloshing as he raised his other hand and brought it to the side of Chuuya's face, holding his cheek.

Chuuya froze as Dazai leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "You don't deserve that, Chuuya," he whispered into his hair. "I don't deserve you."

Anger boiled in the bottom of Chuuya's stomach as he covered Dazai's hand on his cheek with his own, squeezing it tight. He pulled back, just enough to look Dazai in the eyes.

"Don't," he said, shaking his head. "Don't you say shit like that to me."

To be continued...

#soukoku #skk #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #tw: scars #tw: suicidal ideation #tw: drinking #hurt/comfort #soukoku's version of fluff #drunk Dazai #kris drabbles #to be continued #tw: implied self-harm

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briefbestiary · 1 year

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The lithe and energetic Acrobatic Sarasara, among modern yokai she is among the lesser known. She was likely overshadowed by other urban legends with already existing popularity.

#BriefBestiary #bestiary #digital art #fantasy #folklore #legend #urban legend #tw: implied self-harm #yokai #youkai #akusara #acrobatic sarasara #japanese urban legend #modern yokai

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izzet-league-mad-scientist · 2 years

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God I’m having the midnight angsts again

Would it really be so bad if I just got some light job somewhere and wrote in my spare time?

I’m trying so hard and it doesn’t feel like it’s making me any happier and the light at the end of the tunnel is seeming more and more fake every day

What if I could just enjoy the present instead of hoping that one day in the future it won’t hurt so much to keep trying

What if I didn’t have to take classes anymore and wouldn’t ever stare at my pocket knife for ten minutes after failing one

Is that really too much to ask

But I can’t make ends meet with a fucking hobby so I can’t stop working

I can’t stop

I can’t stop crying

#I need to sleep this off #I’m a fucking mess #tw I dont even know #tw: hopelessness #I guess #tw: depressive thoughts #tw: implied self-harm #god I’m tw tagging my own vent post while crying in the dark #what a god damn way to finish off a day hahahaahaha #you can ignore this I’m just screaming into the void

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moralpuppet · 1 year

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@bcrcavcd prayed: "You're safe here. You can rest now."

And he has to despite any protest he may have had, he needed to rest his leg, and his head, there was too much spinning around in there for him. ❝ Thank you, Wendy. Sorry. I didn't mean to make a ruckus or anything. ❞ He feels ashamed and guilty for causes her the inconvenience. He reacted badly to the slightest hint of frustration. He toyed with the rose thorn bush to the left of him as if he needed to coil it around the thorns. A sort of self-decispline. He, fortunately, refrains after one thorn pricks at his skin. It didn't seem worth it.

Holding his knees. ❝ I didn't mean to make them mad. I just don't know where the lines are drawn out here. It's hard to know what the rules are or when I'm breaking any of them. I'm not used to nature and I don't think she's used to me. ❞

#♰ ༻ what did you do now you little menace / ic .#♰ ༻ 𝘖𝘳𝘦𝘭'𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘴 . / crossover v.#bcrcavcd #tw: implied self-harm

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wavyypeachyy · 8 months

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I don’t think suicidal thoughts actually ever go away.

#self h@rm #tw s3lf harm #tw sui ideation #sewer slide #tw sucidal ideation #su!cidal #tw self destruction #tw disordered eating #anarecja #ed not ed sheeran #tw sh implied #tw self destructive thoughts #self mutilator

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f41l1ng-0c34n-cr34tvr3 · 1 month

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bl0od dripping down my arm has got to be one of my top ten feelings

#tw s3lf harm #tw self h4rm #s3lf mutilation #tw sh implied #actually mentally ill #s3lfharmm #baby cvts #cvt #cvtaddict #cvtblr #cvtt!ng #cvtting addict #deep cvts #cvutting #sh cvt #i want to cvt #i wanna cvt

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chiyeko-kurea · 2 months

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My last breath will be a sigh of relief.

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nvhz · 4 months

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i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh

and i need it now

#sh cvt #depressing shit #tw sh implied #tw s3lf harm #tw self destructive behavior #self h@rm #self h@te #s3lfharmm #s3lf harn #s3lf mutilation

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corey-22 · 5 months

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TW: sh

#self h@rm #tw s3lf harm #tw self h4rm #tw sh related #tw blade #tw sh implied #selfharrrm #hitting styro #made of styro #styr0blr #tw styro #baby cvts #beansblr #self mutalition

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muzgozjeb · 1 year

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howlingtides · 5 months

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tw: implied self-harm

I have a headcanon that Chuuya deals with chronic pain as a result of his merger with Arahabaki, and it flares up after he activates Corruption.

It's constantly eating away at his nervous system, and he gets persistent headaches and aching joints and sore muscles and not much helps to dull the pain. After coming down off of Corruption, it gets exponentially worse, to the point where he's practically bedridden for a few days.

Dazai's one of the only people who's caught on. He notices the way Chuuya holds himself, his micro-expressions that he thinks no one can see, but Dazai sees them. He knows.

He's confronted Chuuya about it a few times, and Chuuya always gives him shit for it, tells him that someone who goes out of their way to hurt themself shouldn't be looking down on a guy with chronic pain.

Dazai's not looking down on him. He's not looking down on him at all. He's curious. In his own twisted way, he just wants to know what it's like.

Chuuya feels everything all the time.

Dazai never feels anything.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #soukoku #skk #kris drabbles #tw: implied self-harm

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tearsfallout · 8 days

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dxiifut · 2 months

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cupcakeslushie · 1 year

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Thirds

pt 1 || pt 2

Donnie thinks he knows what he has to do reconcile Three with Donatello. To leave everything from that time behind and move on, but…maybe there’s a simpler solution?

#rottmnt #rottmnt fanart #separated au #rottmnt separated au #rise of the tmnt #sep!au life #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise donnie #rise raph #rise mikey #rise splinter #tw blood #tw self harm #Donnie’s been having too much fun. he needed some heavy h/c #this one is gonna be dark so if anyone needs me to tag anything else please let me know #I would like to say #Donnie’s dialogue may imply some DID but it’s just because he wants to put distance between his time as Three and Donatello #but this whole thought process will be addressed in part 2 #I just wanted to clear that up in case

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chiyeko-kurea · 1 month

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-kurea:)

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girl-on-the-wrongside · 3 months

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TW SH

The blade is an old lover

I embrace when the nights grow cold

She is sharp and cruel and deadly

But she is my only remedy

#styroblr #self h4te #cvt #baby cvts #tw vent #tw beans #tw sh related #i want to cvt #tw s3lf harm #s3lfharmm #tw sh implied #tw sucidal ideation #i should kms #hitting beans #beansblr #selfharrrm #self mutilator #self mutalition

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