#tw: discussions of trans bodies
Note
DUDE!!!! congratulations on your appointment to get HRT!!!! I also very whole heartedly hear you in your waiting but I’m happy for you that you made it to the other side 💖💖💖💖💖💖
Cheers! I’m relieved the wait is over, I’m always a little surprised I’m still here when I look back. I’m thankful my friends kept me going.
4 years wait for a near entirely reversible treatment… fun fact, I also have pco’s, a painful condition now considered to be somewhat treatable with Testosterone treatment… guess who wasn’t allowed treatment because it was considered “skipping the queue” :))))). Don’t even get me started on the medically necessary chest reduction I also can’t have …
Anyway, thanks! I’m excited to start moving on with my life honestly. And for the rockin jaw definition
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
The whole "breasts shouldn't be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!" can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.
Like, why's it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It's true that breasts aren't inherently sexual, but they aren't valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn't have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn't always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.
#feminism#dysphoria tw#your body doesn't need to have an Intrinsic Worthwhile Purpose so that you can live without fear#and it is fine if people say this to criticize the way breasts are overly sexualized and fetishized or what have you...#...but i encourage people to not see this as an end-all-be-all argument#because this opens discussions about how we politicize bodies and how we interpret them#i see overlap between this and the way trans bodies are politicized and policed honestly#and i guess personally i'm just so tired of the idea that to be safe your body Must Have A Good Reason To Be#and i fear this may reinforce the idea that we Must Serve Purposes and Be Useful and Used#ask to tag (genuine)#and what would this say for childless people? or people who cannot bear children? if they have breasts are they 'useless bodies'#because i have seen the ways some people's bodies are treated when they do not 'work PROPERLY' and that scares me#it scares me to potentially start treating people with different bodies as Defective and Unworthy and Unproductive#and i don't always trust when people latch onto purpose-driven arguments for human bodies that it stops at that y'know#have seen some discussion amd whatnot so 👍#is it now time to clock put and be a silly goose yet?
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey guys so yeah I fell off the wagon since February I’ve been binging and I’m fat as hell again !
almost all the way back to my sw 😭
getting back on track starting w a month long fast 😋
lol just gonna go however long I can and I’m NOT allowed to binge when I finish
so yeah keep me on track, fast w me, anything to get me back into the community 💗
#ftm ed#tw ed boy#tw ed implied#male ed#trans ed#tw body talk#tw eating things#ana male#tw ed discussion#ed ftm#tw ana rant#tw restriction#tw mia#tw ana fast#tw ana diary
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
Bottom dysphoria culture is wanting to talk about it with trans friends, but they don't have bottom dysphoria and being scared they'll judge me because I'm ace as well
Dysphoric culture is!
Also, there’s a ton of weird stigma around bottom dysphoria/surgery in the trans community (and a lot of sexualization) so a lot of people feel awkward about it.
The best thing to do is just talk about it! Unfortunately the only way to combat something being looked down upon and embarrassing is to increase acceptance/visibility of the topic. And good friends shouldn’t judge you for having dysphoria anon.
#sexualization of bottom dysphoria/discussion +#puritanical anti-sex bs +#transphobic stigma around trans bodies/genitalia =#awkwardness that is not necessary! bottom dysphoria is normal and okay!#dysphoria tw#gender dysphoria#dysphoria#dysphoric culture is#bottom dysphoric culture is#bottom dysphoria#tw genitalia mention#sexualization tw#asexual#transphobia ment tw#trans body positivity#trans#queer#lgbtq#lgbt+
58 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey. I left a comment on your post voicing my opinion and I'd like to genuinely apologise if it made you feel uncomfortable or invalidated. It was absolutely not my intention and I did try to explain that in my comment, though I also understand that may not have been perceived. Though I don't agree exactly with the nuance of your personal philosophy, I too understand that indescribable sorrow of looking at your body, knowing what's wrong and why, but the pain still being there. As an intersex person I've gone through dysphoria myself. I want to further emphasise I meant no harm towards you, and hope your journey becomes easier.
Hi! I really appreciate you reaching out. I personally did not feel uncomfortable, though it felt as though the message of my post wasn't received as intended.
My post isn't about personal philosophy, but more of two different experiences, however similar they can be, being grouped into one thing when for many that isn't the case.
Dysphoria and dysmorphia are both perceptions of the body and the self, but one is more about gender identity and presentation, while the other isn't.
Speaking from experience, and paraphrasing from my original post, I have had people who do not understand or experience dysphoria disregard my experiences with it, trying to tell me it was dysmorphia. I have never experienced body dysmorphia. I do experience gender dysphoria. Being unable to express my experiences with one thing as others perceive it as something else is the main issue I was addressing.
I'm glad to know you didn't mean any harm, even if it did come off as dismissive of my original message. I hope your journey becomes easier as well.
#asks for sharkz#tw body talk#tw dysphoria#tw dysmorphia#trans#transgender#discussions#look at me. please do not say mean things to this person#we are here to listen to discuss and to learn#lgbtqia#lgbtq
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
the ab implants are to hide the fact she is not eating enough :/
#bc the more well-fed you are the more your female fat distribution shows...#is it any wonder how pro-ana discussion boards turned into trans tiktok#the fact that women have a higher body fat percentage means you have to eat even less#i hate it here#eating disorder tw
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Them Receiving a Drawing of Themselves
TW: breakdowns/shutdowns, gender dysphoria, crying
Type: Headcanons
A/N: "Reader discusses what they and the members used to look like, and decides to draw an artist's interpretation of that description with startling accuracy." As of posting, requests are open. Includes only the main six (who I shall now call the digital six/circus crew). Spoilers. Body-sickness = homesickness for body.
Pomni
I'm going to make this interesting for myself and go with the theory that when she saw herself in the mirror she got a bunch of gender euphoria because she's trans. So, for this, she probably wouldn't even bring up her old appearance on her own unless heavily prompted to. Even then, she's really awkward about it, and everyone probably gets the memo that she's at least insecure about her old looks.
Not you, though. You decided to take it upon yourself to draw her. You paid attention to every detail she said, and compiled it all together to create a drawing/painting of the real-world Pomni. She was...Less than enthusiastic. At first, she's angry, even. But once she realises you didn't know, she just turns to going down a crisis of reality and homesickness instead.
If we don't go with that theory, then she still has a crisis. She'd finally started to push her thoughts of home to the edge of her mind, and now it's brought up to the front again. It's best to just not make art of her.
Ragatha
You probably found out about Ragatha through a breakdown of hers. She'd been holding up the happy-go-lucky, optimistic, cheery persona for so long that it was bound to snap. And so, one day the dam had a leak that turned into a full-on collapse. She was crying and talking about how she missed home and her real body. She was starting to forget what she looked like, and it was driving her to the edge.
In an effort to not have her abstracted, you took it upon yourself to give her something to hold on to. You took mental notes of each thing she said about herself and once everything was safe, you went to your room. Taking out your art equipment, you got to work on trying your best to recreate what she looked like.
In the end, you made a bunch of different ones. Presenting them to her, she was surprised and sad. It fueled her homesickness even more. But she covered it up and accepted it; she knew it was out of love, after all. And after she calmed down she did get to looking at them properly and it did give her some comfort to recognise herself and know that she wouldn't forget herself just yet.
Jax
I feel like Jax cared a lot about his appearance. Really, this is just based on that moment where he checks his non-existent nails, but I digress. Either way, he was probably just complaining like normal when it happened. He didn't really care about what he was saying (on the outside, at least); he was just bored and wanting to talk. But you made it your mission to make him feel better about his "body-sickness".
When he received the gift, he would've tried to play it off real quick. Truth be told, depending on how long you had been in the DC he probably would've made fun of your art. But you could see his initial reaction being one of surprise. Still, he would've tried to twist it and tease you about supposedly having a crush on him or trying to be his friend (a "useless attempt" is what he would say).
He probably tried to just chuck it under his bed when he got to his room. But after a little while the temptation was too much and he grabbed it. Looking it over, it was creepy how on point it was. To be honest, he was half-convinced you had known him outside of the digital world. Either way, he was secretly pretty grateful for it and glad you had had that otherwise useless conversation. But he would never tell you that.
Kinger
Kinger would've just asked what you looked like and that would've led to talking about him. I feel like he's got a sort of dad vibe in the way that he'd make up grand stories about himself. Like, he was a world-famous Broadway star or something. But he'd drop the act and tell you he was just joking. Either way, he ended up telling you about his looks.
When drawing him, you realised just how old he was. Not in a bad way, but you did still feel bad for him. He had lived half a life already before being trapped in the DC, and then he had been there the longest. Who knew what had happened to him; what he had lived through, who he had cared about before all this happened. It made you sad.
Giving him the present, though, he was very grateful and told you such. It had been so long since he had seen anything that looked like him, and to have something so accurate seemed nothing short of a miracle. He was sure to show it off to everyone and soon the whole circus crew was wanting their own.
Gangle
Gangle is an artist herself, and you were likely drawing together when the conversation of drawing each other came up. At first, you just made art of each other's current bodies, but soon you were discussing what you looked like before being trapped in the DC. Thankfully for Gangle, her comedy mask hadn't yet been broken by Jax, so she wasn't too depressed when talking about it.
I bet she put a lot of effort into drawing you. Though, her style isn't realistic, so it looked very anime-ified. Still, the hair and eye colour matched. You put a lot of effort into making art of Gangle, too. Though, you were almost photo-realistic (when you had the time and resources) in your art, so yours turned out much more accurate.
When Gangle saw what she looked like, her comedy mask came right off and she started bawling. She hadn't seen herself in forever, and just couldn't handle it. She was so, so grateful, though, to have the opportunity to see herself again. But she didn't dare tell anyone; she wasn't sure that you'd want everyone bugging you for a picture.
Zooble
Zooble doesn't strike me as someone who'd want to talk about their past. She seems to me like someone who's very in-the-present (well, as in the present as someone who's been thrown into a digital world can be). You'd have to really be friends with her and encourage him to talk about what they looked like.
Still, when he does, she goes into some detail. You listen like a bat to every word they say. And once you leave, you rush straight to your room to start on the project. It's a bit weird imagining Zooble as a living, breathing person in the past instead of an abstract collection of living shapes, but it's also humbling to be reminded you weren't the only person to really lose your body.
Receiving the completed project, Zooble is pretty calm about it. Something along the lines of "oh, wow, you didn't have to do that" is what they'd say. But she takes it from you anyway and is sure to keep it in a safe and secure spot where Jax won't be able to ruin it. And oh boy, if he does, they will be after him.
#amy's writing#not requested#the amazing digital circus#tadc#tadc x reader#tadc spoilers#the amazing digital circus spoilers#x reader#tadc headcanon#tadc pomni#tadc ragatha#tadc jax#tadc kinger#tadc gangle#tadc zooble#breakdown tw#dysphoria tw#crying tw
499 notes
·
View notes
Text
TW for discussion of eating disorders and body shaming
Since I had this exchange with @krispykrememothnuts I thought I'd look more into this:
And yeah, the fashion industry has an issue with making clothes that fit short men and fat men.
This is something that affects transmascs and cis men.
The fashion industry isn't friendly to any fat person but I think it tends to be more lenient towards short women because it's more acceptable for them to be short.
Meanwhile, men should be tall according to the beauty standard.
We know that eating disorders are extremely common among cis men and transmascs (Cis men: Source 1, Source 2, Source 3. Trans men: Source 1, Source 2. Gay men: Source 1, Source 2, Source 3.)
And it doesn't help that all the representation in fashion that we get are tall dudes with abs that can (usually) only be achieved through dehydration, restricting diets and intensive work-outs. And that it's considered acceptable to make fun of people for their height, weight, hairline, face, as long as it's men.
And as I mentioned in the comment, not being able to find men's clothes that fit me I have to buy women's clothes that make me dysphoric and usually show my bra or binder straps, which immediately clocks me as not-a-man.
It's also important to note that a TERF talking point is that transmascs transition because of eating disorders. While it's possible that gender dysphoria and eating disorders have a link, it's not a cause-effect situation, i's more of a comorbid condition.
Looking into transmasc eating disorders could disprove this TERF theory but alas no one cares enough about transmascs to do a research only about our experience with eating disorders and trans people are usually treated as a homogenous group.
#lgbtq#lgbtq community#transmasc#transunitism#transandrophobia#tw eating issues#tw ed#fatphobia#tw body shaming#vs cis people who get to have nuance in the discussion#or rather cis women#and i refuse to look up on tumblr oh no satan you won't have me
1K notes
·
View notes
Note
I must admit, when I first delved into F1 fan fiction, I was set on top George. I was expecting everyone to think of George as a top.
The first fic I read, he was a bottom, and I was sold.
Then you flipping come along and suggest the idea of trans!george and now he is all I think of.
Wildly the first f1 fic I read was top george and bottom Lewis and I just got to the end and went “hmm, that didn’t quite feel right but I’m intrigued”
Then I read @blafard’s “you should know how easy you are to please” and BOOM I was set. Bottom George, top Lewis, I knew this was what was right for me. Sold. In any form too, I LOVE me a service top and bratty bottom as much as I love a dominant top and a soft bottom. ITS ALL GOOD
Trans George is very personal to me because of how strictly fictional it is and I’m very gentle with him. But he’s just, in every form he is good. I will say the George in SMV is not strictly trans, he just happens to have a vulva cause it was hot. Bodies are not binary and that’s just what I wanted to write so that’s what it is! How his body is that way is up to the reader.
Coming soon tho the George in fuckboy au IS explicitly trans, because I had the space to talk about it in a way I wanted to. He’s got scars, there’s discussions about consent and boundaries. He talks about how he loves his body. I’m also keen to write about George opening up to gender fluidity and traditionally feminine clothing that Lewis would help him explore comfortably. Lewis who sees him reach for pastels and softer things with fear he knows all too well. God just thinking about it makes me want it again
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
I have a question cas.
trans women say they’re women because they are a women, they’re body just doesn’t reflect that… I guess?
but terfs say that a women isn’t a women unless the body shows that- eg, uterus.
so either terfs are trying to tell trans women that what they finally know about themselves, that they’re a women, is just not true because they say so? or that a women is only defined by her uterus.
cause that doesn’t feel very feminist.
i’m not thinking of becoming a terf or anything, trans women are women- i’m not fucking rishi sunak or jkr, but like, what is their argument? I know it’s wrong but what ACTUALLY is it? Cause you’d think, given most of them are so proud to be terfs, they’d have a definition?
so what is it? i’m confused. I know there’s no need to make sense of these people but why?
Hi! I'm gonna address this point-by-point. Also, TW: discussion of transphobia, genitalia, etc.
I have a question cas.
trans women say they’re women because they are a women, they’re body just doesn’t reflect that… I guess?
Yeah, to put it simply. Trans women are (usually) assigned male at birth and sometimes start out with male genitals. There are exceptions to this (intersex people). And some trans people, of course, choose to get surgery.
but terfs say that a women isn’t a women unless the body shows that- eg, uterus.
Yeah, that tends to be the usual argument. There's more to it, but yeah.
so either terfs are trying to tell trans women that what they finally know about themselves, that they’re a women, is just not true because they say so? or that a women is only defined by her uterus.
Both. They insist that trans women are mentally ill or perverted, and that a woman is defined by her uterus and genitalia. Which is so wrong, because not all people with XX chromosomes or assigned female at birth even have those things.
cause that doesn’t feel very feminist.
HALLELUJAH! SAY IT FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!
i’m not thinking of becoming a terf or anything, trans women are women- i’m not fucking rishi sunak or jkr, but like, what is their argument? I know it’s wrong but what ACTUALLY is it? Cause you’d think, given most of them are so proud to be terfs, they’d have a definition?
so what is it? i’m confused. I know there’s no need to make sense of these people but why?
Basically, from my limited knowledge on the subject, terfs argue that to be a woman, you have to have XX chromosomes, have a uterus, a vag*na, etc. You have to have been raised as a woman and experienced womanhood (whatever the fuck that means).
It's a lot of bullshit. I think it's based on a few things:
Fear. A lot of terfs are very uneducated and assume trans people are actually cis men trying to assault cis women or take away from cis women in some way.. Which is obviously so wrong. trans women are just women who want to live their lives.
Ignorance. Again, terfs are uneducated and don't understand what it means to be trans. They also don't understand their own arguments and the fallacies in them: not all people with XX chromosomes, for example, have uteruses.
Transphobia. A lot of people see being trans as very taboo, and don't want to be associated with it or accept it. So of course, they don't want trans women as a part of the feminist movement.
This is a stretch, but I also think it has to do with sexism. Stay with me here, but terfs see trans women as men, right? (They're not, but just stay with me). And when men do feminine things, it's always SO deeply frowned upon. Because how DARE someone AMAB act feminine. It's seen as disgusting. Men need to be men- protectors, not emotional, not weak (yes, I know being fem isn't weak, but from their POV...). SO I think it's actually deeply-ingrained sexism as well, if that makes sense.
I hope that helps a bit! It's a horrible, horrible mindset, and the fact that JKR promotes it is so upsetting, tbh.
27 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi! I saw where you identify as a transmasc person so I was wondering if you'd write a nick x ftm!reader smut?? with top nick??
hi lovely! I'd love to, but it makes me a bit nervous. I am only one trans guy, so I cannot write a fic that would accurately depict an act as intimate as sex that would be accurate for all trans individuals. I'll explain more.
TW: light discussions/references to genitals
so. speaking from my own experience and some trans men I'm friends with, sex can be very nuanced and different. for example, some trans men who have not had bottom surgery either because they don't want it (which is 100% valid for any reason) or haven't had the chance yet (because it is expensive, takes lots of preparation, and it is a major decision and major surgery), only have anal sex. for some trans men, vaginal sex or anything relating to that part can be very triggering and cause body dysmorphia.
however, some trans men (like myself) do not mind and can actually enjoy vaginal sex as well as anal, even prefer it. it doesn't make us less than a man. we are still men. we are still just as valid.
both are completely valid feelings. it's all personal preference and what helps someone feel most comfortable, most pleasure, and most safe and like themselves.
with writing nick with ftm!reader, I also fear people who will try to be transphobic and claim that I'm "not respecting nick" by possibly writing him having sex with a person who may still have what is deemed as female genitalia. while this would be stupid because trans men are men no matter what is in their pants, it's a fear I have. and backlash like that would be very triggering and invalidating to me and many others. i would hope people wouldnt respond that way, but i am well aware of the fact that transphobia is very much still alive and well, even in this little community on Tumblr. I've gotten transphobic asks. do I respond? no, i delete them and move on because people like that dont deserve my time or energy. but still. I have gotten them. and it sucks every time.
I also don't want people equating me writing nick with a ftm!reader as writing him with a woman. because that is nowhere near the same thing, and that is very transphobic. trans men are men. gay men can and do have sex with trans men. (yes. even vaginal sex. because we are men, and they're attracted to men. I'm speaking from experience here besties)
overall there's a lot of nuances here. and I'm curious to see and hear what others may think. so if you've read this far, let me know what you think.
#sturniolo triplets#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#nick sturniolo x male reader#nick sturniolo x reader#the sturniolo triplets#sturniolo triplets fanfiction
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
Guys my birthdays in 15 days, think I could lose 10 pounds in that time ?¿ <333
#whether or not it’s possible I’m attempting it#300 cal omad and fasting here I come#tw disordered eating#tw restrictive ed#tw ed diet#ed not ed sheeran#ed behaviour tw#tw ed boy#ftm ed#tw ed implied#male ed#trans ed#tw body talk#tw mia#tw weight#tw ana diary#tw ed discussion
0 notes
Note
could you write starkercest where trans m peter is super upset and doesn't know how to touch himself and gets help from his dad?
I sure can!
Tw: Discussion of pre-op trans masc body parts but with masculine terms, unspecified age
He's so horny that it hurts. A genuinely, un-ignorable, pain burns inside him and there's no stopping it. It's not like he has a real dick to jack off right? What the hell is he supposed to do about it? Peter turns over in bed and whines, squeezing his legs together. He grinds his hips and humps against the mattress and for a moment it feels good, but then it doesn't and he just sobs. He falls asleep at an hour so late that it's early. Morning comes and he doesn't feel any better. Maybe he should call his doctor.
"You okay, Pete?" his dad asks while they're getting ready in the morning. He feels like death, like he's about to drop, but he grumbles out a response.
Tony sets down his coffee mug and looks at his son. Peter turns his face away. "What's wrong, kid? You haven't been sleeping. Is something going on?" There's a long pause. "You can talk to me you know."
"No, I can't," Peter hisses. He glares at the man. He has no idea. He couldn't possibly. "You don't know what it's like to have this stupid fucking body that doesn't do anything it's supposed to!"
"Maybe not, but I can help more than you think. You have to talk to me, kiddo."
"Oh just teenage boy problems right? Only I don't have a dick to jack off with so I'm just stuck like this!" He turns away again, face red, no less aching down below. That's what's really fucked up isn't it? He's having coffee with his dad while all he wants to do is cum.
"Oh course you have a dick," his dad says. Peter just looks at him, wondering if somehow he forgot his own son is trans. "Come here."
He gets up from his seat, rolling his eyes, but hoping just maybe this is going somewhere helpful. He stops in front of his dad. He's in just a pair of gray sweats and his hair is still damp from the shower. He smells like warm cologne.
"Lose the boxers."
Peter's taken aback, but when his brain processes the command he does what he's told. The kitchen air is chilly and that's when he notices that he's wet. He hates yet somehow noticing makes the heat worse. His dad can't smell it too can he? Yikes.
"That looks like a dick to me, kid." Peter looks down between his legs. There, just poking he could see what his dad was talking about. His 'dick' was engorged, maybe half an inch long. It definitely wasn't the same, but maybe he meant that he could treat it the same...
"Come here." His dad reached for him, turning him around so Peter's back was to his chest. "Let me show you. I know the movies all make it seem like you need certain equipment for this kind of thing. But you've got everything you need right here."
Tony's hand runs down the front of his t-shirt. He doesn't stop as he reaches his hips, passes them. He hovers just above his dick and the heat inside him screams. He wants to cry, he wants to sob, and then a finger just brushs his dick and he can't describe the noise that comes out of him. He grabs onto his dad's arm. His feet spread apart. An arm wraps around his chest to hold him in place.
"That's a good boy," his dad purrs. Peter whines as his finger rubs slow circles over his wet dick. His hips move without his control, he can't stop whining, he's begging 'please, please' and he can't stop it. And then the burn explodes in tingling pleasure down his legs and into his belly. He moans, leaning back in his dad's arms.
"See. It's nothing daddy can't take care of." Tony kisses the top of his head. As soon as Peter catches his breath he realizes the burning is back again and he sobs.
"Dad, please. I need more." He licks his dry lips. Wet is running down his thighs and he doesn't care. The kitchen reeks with the smell of him.
"Let me teach you so can handle it yourself. I don't want you not getting any sleep."
Peter nods as his dad takes his hand. He guides him to bring his middle finger to his dick and rub, not too much pressure, circles, nice and slow and then faster. He's panting with his mouth open, hips rocking, eyes half shut. He feels like a whore and that's hot too.
"My good boy," his dad tells him. "You're doing so good. That dick feels nice now that you know what to do doesn't it?"
"Yeah, yeah," he pants. He feels his insides clench. Then he's seeing stars. His nerves are vibrating. His dad holds him until he settles.
"Better?"
"Yeah. Thanks, dad."
Tony kisses the top of his head again. "Anytime, kid."
97 notes
·
View notes
Text
DC trans week day 1
prompt: "This isn't what it looks like", genderfluid
tw: panic attack, starts under the cut
Tim has spent his life sheltered, with strict rules. He does his best to adhere to all of them. He wants to, and tries to, but some days that lands him right where he is now. Breaking down.
Dick knocked on his door, but Tim doesn’t have time to respond before he comes in. He doesn’t get far, stops dead in the doorway when he sees Tim.
"This isn't what it looks like.” Tim tries to stay calm, but it’s not working. This was such a stupid idea, he shouldn’t have done this in the first place, he knew better.
There are footsteps coming up the hall and Tim panics at the thought of more people coming to see him. He doesn’t have time to change though, just a moment to flail around before there are more people in the doorway, all still and silent.
He can feel their stares. The physical weight of their judgment. He is hyperventilating now.
“Tim, It’s fine, you’re not doing anything wrong.” Tim hears vaguely.
“What is he doing?” He hears someone else ask. Everything is coming from underwater now, voices drowned out by the waves crashing in his ears.
They break through their shock at his panic and start to try and comfort him. “Tim, breathe.” “Can you tell us what you’re thinking? Maybe we can help.”
“What do you do when there is no choice for you?” He asks everyone and no one. No one answers “I try so hard to be what I’m supposed to be. But there’s no one answer, never a right answer, because even though one option seems better some days the other option feels better the next?”
He knows he isn’t being rational, he isn’t explaining himself well. He isn’t normally like this and he should calm down before he ruins everything. But panic isn’t rational, and he’s never truly calm because this anxiety-wrongness is always lurking in his brain. Always waiting to tell him That this, that, or the other thing is wrong wrong wrong. Wrong with him, because he isn’t a he, not truly. Not at the heart of him, the part that would be shared with anyone he let close enough, but never does. Never does because this mess at the center of him wasn’t meant to be seen. Wasn’t meant to be shared, because how could he expect others to understand and accept the things about him that he doesn’t understand either?
He accepts them now, and that took work. Years of research and experimenting with clothes, pronouns, identities. Years to accept the fact that there is simply no answer inside of him. That for all he can fake it with the best of them, there is no option other than faking it. No way to live the way the heart beating inside of him is at constant war with his mind. The way his Body is somehow winning that fight in ways that make him sick some days and happy the next. But winning nonetheless through the sheer fact of its permanence. His body doesn’t change -can’t change- the way his heart and mind do. Like the beat of a metronome that’s impossibly unsteady, the swing of a pendulum that won’t ever still. Back and forth, one then the other. Brief moments in the middle where he thinks he should stay, but inevitably changing from that as well. Never one answer. Never this, that, never even both.
“Everyone says that you have to choose, but my choice would be all and none at the same time. I don't know how to choose.”
He breaks down, fully crying. He can feel his family surround him, someone-probably Dick- is hugging him. They haven't left, and their not yelling at him. They allow him to process, and when he's done crying, they all sit down to have a discussion.
It goes better than Tim ever thought it could.
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
More info on the AUs below the cut! (I'll also answer to asks! Or comments! Just ask me if you have any question on the AUs!)
[Young Morioh]
Illustrations + Texts + Infodump
Half theory half AU about the past of Yoshikage Kira an his relationship with his family and Aya Tsuji (will be more centerd on those two/not romantic; not a ship), slide story of Reimi and Shinobu, Tomoko and Tonio mentioned (not Purple Haze Feedback compliant). Mainly made out of the canon scraps about Kira's childhood and the two songs that inspired Aya's stand. Will start wholesome(?) and end quite sad (canon compliant).
TW: Childhood Abuse; Abandonment Issues; Disussion of Identity; Overlooked Neurodivergence; Anxiety; Performing your Personality; and in the end Murder.
[Drag AU]
Illustrations + Texts + Infodump
AU centered on a fictional not fixed in time Drag Queen/Drag King scene. Mostly about the Jofoes, and most of them are just out of character (literally turned half of them into lesbians). Lot of discussion about trans identity too, but in quite a lighthearted way. I honestly just wanted to have fun. Still hesitating about making it KiraBoss, but as I said this will be really out of character. Quite wholesome.
TW: Gender Dysphoria; Mention of Biphobia, Transphobia and Queerphobias in general; slight Misgendering but mainly because they're still figuring things out.
[The Magnus Archives' Discarded Files]
Texts + Requests (may include Illustrations and Records)
Testimonies of people regarding their supernatural encounters. Basically Statements made by persons from an other media (which is why they've been discarded on the first time). No actual spoils on the TMA lore, but if it contains spoilers on the other media, a Trigger Warning will be put at the beginning, along with the list of of other specific TW. Really Dark.
Fandoms I have at least one statement started: Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (+spin offs), Hunter X Hunter (1999; 2011; manga), Doctor Who (only since 11, sorry), Five Night's At Freddy's (most games). As aforementioned, I might make other fandoms, especially if requested.
TW: (well if you know TMA, you know but I'll put some anyway) Horror, Body Horror, Psychological Horror, Fear of the Unknown, Supernatural. More specified TW will be made.
#jjba#jojo bizarre adventure#jojo's bizarre adventure#jojos bizarre adventure#the magnus archives#poll#polls#au#alternate universe#lgbt characters#lgbtq positivity#neurodiversity#jjba diamond is unbreakable#jjba diu#jofoes#jjba villains#drag queen#drag king#tma podcast#jonathan sims#yes that will still be him reading the statements so that's why probably no audio#magnus archives#crossover#cross dressing#those tags are a mess#I don't know how to tag#may update the tags when I find back my braincells#this post took me two day to made#long ass post
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
(TW: short mention of body weight changes (no numbers))
My dear lgbt+ kids,
Chronic pain can make you feel weird about your body.
That's a really vague statement but that's on purpose. Chronic pain has many faces - and so it can also affect body image in many ways.
We could go into details and discuss how it can make you feel distant from your own body as you may feel like you can't trust your body to do what you need it to do. And how it can also make you feel hyperaware of your body as you need to pay close attention to bodily sensations to analyze symptoms or predict flare-ups. Or how chronic pain can lead to body weight changes (for example because of medication, physical exhaustion or mobility issues) which easily lead to body image issues in our weight-obsessed world.
But even if we talked about all that, we'd still only scratch the surface of the complex topic "body image and chronic pain".
So, let's keep it at "it can make you feel weird about your body". It can - and so can growing up lgbt+ in a cishetnormative world.
This doesn't necessarily mean that lgbt+ people with chronic pain always struggle with "Body Image Issues Difficulty Level 2 (the more intense version)" - again, there are so many different ways this could affect a person. Probably as many different ways as there are lgbt+ people with chronic pain! For example, it could delay the realization that you are trans or asexual because you might assume that the body dysphoria/sex repulsion you feel is related to or caused by your pain.
But the one thing we don't need to be vague about as it applies to all of you: You belong here. You deserve to be taken seriously, as an lgbt+ person and as a person with chronic pain - not in a toxic positive way ala "good vibes only" but as you are. With all of you, including the issues, worries or concerns other people may consider weird and not be able to really relate to.
With all my love,
Your Tumblr Dad
#not all trans people feel body dysphoria and not all asexual people feel sex repulsion - those are just examples!#lgbt#lgbt+
194 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
oneboneb
Oneb
wickedweasley
Remember Cedric Diggory
bond007sblog
Male. I Love MILF
theinfectedkind
a warning sign