#trying to figure out how to draw his face
Text
Yearling - Ch. 34: Anything
You're left behind in Jackson when Joel goes on overnight patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-33 found on Tumblr here.
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Smut :). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only
Length: 9.2k
A/N: We are heading into the final arc of Yearling and we are going to see some TLOU 2 OVERLAP again. There isn't any this chapter but there will be in this arc and here's how: a character from that game will be mentioned as will the spoiler-y incident from a few chapters ago. What happens plot wise in this arc is completely separate from the game and entirely original content BUT there is that character overlap and more specific mentions of the incident and the motives behind it. If you're trying to go in blind to season 2, it might be wise to step back. Feel free to send me a DM, I'm happy to answer any and all questions!
AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter
September, 2013
The gunshot made you jump.
It was distant but sharp, the crack jarring against the quiet of your cabin. Marisa’s head shot up from her book, a frown on her face in the flickering firelight.
“Was that…”
“Shhh,” you sat up from where you’d been lying against her, held a hand out to her, ear perked and listening. Another crack, a little louder this time. You set your book down and went to the front window, drawing the curtains and pinning them shut so no light from the fire would slip through.
“What…”
“Stay here,” you said, your heart pounding as you got your rifle off the wall.
“You’re not going out there!” She shot up, her eyes wide.
“Not gonna sit here and wait for whoever that is to show up at our door,” you replied, grabbing a flashlight, too.
“Well, I’m going with you,” she said, going to get her gun, too.
“No,” you said, grabbing a saddle bag with ammunition and turning to face her.
“Yes, I am,” she narrowed her eyes at you but there was a tremble of fear in her voice, her rifle clutched tightly in her hand.
“No,” you said quietly, reaching out and gently taking her face in your hand. “You’re not. You’re staying here to look after Savannah…”
“But what if something happens to you?” Her eyes searched yours, wide and frantic. “You’re her mom, not me. I can’t be that for her like that, just… stay here, we’ll figure it out if they find us just…”
“Not lettin’ them that close to the two of you, baby,” you said, brushing your thumb over the arch of her cheekbone. You kissed her gently. Her eyes were wet. “I’ll be back soon. But… if I’m not, take care of Savannah for me.”
You didn’t wait for a response, going to jump on Nike, not bothering with a saddle. You were too afraid to take the time, you had to protect the people who had become your home. You couldn’t lose them, you couldn’t let anyone take them away, you had to make sure they were safe.
There was another gunshot and you followed the sound, your heart racing, eventually finding a man with two infected nearly ripping him apart. You shot them quickly, the man’s fearful gasps loud in the night.
“Fuck,” he panted as you turned on the flashlight, shining it around the nearby forest. You caught a glimpse of another infected on the ground about 20 feet away before turning the light on him. He was limp on the ground, his eyes wide. “I think I’m bit, I think… I think they got me.”
You knelt beside him and looked at his exposed skin. There was a vicious bite on his hand, the flesh already looking sick and wrong and so like Justin’s bite all those years ago.
You sighed.
“Yeah, you are. I can make it quick for you, if you’d like. Can’t let you leave here, though. You can wait ’til you turn, if you’d rather.”
He blinked a few times, staring up at the dark canopy of trees as moonlight filtered through the leaves.
“Just do it,” he said, turning his eyes to you, cocking his head slightly. “Is it just you out here?”
“Kind of,” you said. “Got my girlfriend, my daughter. No one else, though.”
He looked back to the sky and nodded.
“That’s good,” he said. “It’s hard, being alone. Been alone for a few months now, wife got bit back in June. Should’ve just ended it then, don’t know why I waited this long.”
You nodded slowly. You understood that. You stood up again, rifle in your hand. The man’s eyes were still wide, looking up at the trees.
“Here OK?” You asked. “Might be able to get you somewhere you can see the sky…”
“No point,” he said, still staring up. “Just do it.”
His eyes refocused, looking at you.
“And thank you. Know it’s not easy.”
You aimed the gun at his head and he went back to looking at the trees.
“I’m sorry it’s endin’ like this,” you said. “Hope you get to be with your wife again.”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “Me too.”
You took a deep breath, pulled the trigger and he was gone.
You stayed for a little while after, waiting to see if there were any clickers that would come for the noise you’d been making but none showed up. You realized you didn’t even know the man’s name. You were the last person he spoke to and you didn’t know his name.
You cleaned the blood off your hands as best you could and made your way back home, Nike moving slowly through the trees and you didn’t rush her. When you opened the door, Marisa damn near knocked you down, you barely catching her as she threw herself at you.
“You’re OK,” her voice was thick and wet and she clung to you for a moment before pulling back to look in your eyes. “I was so scared, I heard more gunshots, I didn’t know…”
“I’m sorry, baby,” you said gently, kissing her, her lips plush and soft on yours. “Didn’t mean to scare you…”
You got cleaned up and took her to bed and made her come on your fingers before she had to swallow the desperate sounds of your orgasm to keep from waking the baby. You held her close after, telling her what happened in the forest, that you’d go bury the body in the morning and do a check for infected, that she was safe here with you.
“I think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met,” she said quietly, toying with your fingers, her breath warm on your skin as she lay her head on your chest.
You scoffed.
“Don’t feel very brave. I was scared shitless the whole time, thought my damn heart was going to beat out of my chest.”
“Oh baby,” she whispered, adjusting so her face was over yours, the light of the moon making her dark skin glow. “That’s what makes you brave, that you’re scared and you do it anyway. You don’t let the fear own you. That’s why you’re going to make it through all this, I just know it.”
You hummed, not really agreeing or disagreeing, just wanting her close again. She rested her head on your chest again and you gave her a squeeze, focusing on how she felt against you as she fell asleep.
It didn’t really matter if it was bravery or not, you supposed. If it kept the people you loved most alive, you could push past the fear. Life wouldn’t matter without them, you would do anything if it meant it would protect them.
Anything.
May, 2028
“No way.”
You cleaned the last of the gunk out from Shimmer’s back left hoof and set the pick down.
“Bambi,” Ellie drew out your hame, whining it. “Please? I swear, I’ll owe you forever…”
“I am not coming out to your dad for you,” you grabbed the file. “Absolutely not.”
“But…”
“Ellie,” you looked up to her as she perched on a stall in the barn. “No. That’s not something you just do for someone else. If you want Joel to know you’re gay you need to be the one to tell him, I can’t do that for you.”
“But why not!” She pouted. “You already know and you get it and you can help him get it and…”
“I’ll help you do it,” you cut her off. “I can be there when you tell him, I can intervene if he reacts badly - which he won’t - but I’m not doing it for you.”
“That’s bullshit,” she huffed. “I don’t want to tell him…”
“Then don’t,” you shrugged, finishing filing the hoof down and getting the next horseshoe ready to go on. “Live the rest of your life in the closet if that’s what you want to do.”
“But that’s not what I want.”
“Then tell him,” you shrugged again. “Those are your options, kiddo, hate to break it to you.”
“You know, straight people don’t have to come out,” she kicked at the stall post. “This is dumb.”
“That I can agree with,” you said. “But, unfortunately, that’s not the way the world works. If you want to be out, you need to come out. It sucks but that’s the way of things.”
Ellie sighed and crossed her arms, leaning her head on the post at her back.
“Do you really think I should?” She asked.
You shrugged.
“I think you have a father who loves you more than life itself,” you said. “And I think he’s also a man who has proven that he really does not care what a person’s sexuality is, given that he’s married to me. I think you should do what feels right but you should know that Joel is going to love you to pieces regardless.”
She sighed again.
“You’re right…”
“Usually am.”
She glared at you before going back to staring straight ahead.
“I just don’t know why I’m so freaked out about it.”
You shrugged.
“It’s a big deal. You’re telling him ‘hey this person you think I am? I’m actually different than that.’ It’s hard.”
She considered you for a moment.
“Did you come out to your parents?” She asked.
You laughed.
“No, I did not,” you said. “Never had the chance. I would have eventually, I think. But I was about your age when the world ended and it felt a lot safer to hide it from my parents when I was that age. I lived far away and they weren’t as… open to other ideas as Joel is.”
Ellie scoffed.
“I mean it,” you said. “They had a hard enough time handling the fact that I wanted to get thrown off horses for a living. They’d have had a hell of a time understanding why I was bringing a girl home for dinner. You know Joel ain’t that way. All he cares about is that you’re safe and happy. Everything else don’t really matter.”
You finished shoeing Shimmer and set her hoof down. She twitched her tail and chuffed in response.
“Can you at least tell Joel you gave me…” She scrunched her nose in disgust. “The talk?”
You laughed a little.
“Yeah, that I can do,” you said. “I’ll tell him I told you everything you need to know. Which is be smart about who you take your clothes off with and if a man ever tries anything, cut his dick off.”
She barked a laugh.
“Yeah, that I can handle,” she said. “I can’t believe he thought someone needed to talk to me about sex…”
You were less surprised about that fact than Ellie, but then, you had the full context.
You’d been watching Savvy and Kyle from what you hoped was a respectful distance, giving her the chance to fall for a boy in the way you always wanted her to be able to. But there was the other part of that, too. You knew what teenagers were like and, while Savvy knew about sex, you’d never given her the sex talk in the context of her being around boys. She had questions about seeing animals mating when she was a girl and you’d answered them and explained that humans worked much the same way. She’d scrunched her face in disgust and you laughed a little, not bothering to tell her that, one day, that was going to be damn near all she was interested in doing.
But that had come with the knowledge that, in all likelihood, it would be years - if not decades - before she even had the opportunity to find someone she wanted to do that with. You figured you’d update things as she got older or when there was a person she was interested in.
Now, the time had come. You just weren’t sure how ready you were for that. You’d gone to Joel for advice about it, feeling like you were flying particularly blind in this arena.
“Shit, baby, been a long time since I’ve had that conversation,” he said as he traced abstract little patterns over your bare skin. “Tryin’ to even remember how I brought it up with Sarah now… My face was burnin’ up the whole time, that much I know.”
“There were perks to being hermits,” you sighed, pressing yourself closer to him. “Didn’t have to worry about my kid getting knocked up as a teenager for one.”
“Mmm,” Joel hummed in agreement. “Least she has boys to flirt with now.”
“You say that like it’s a good thing,” you muttered but smiled against his skin all the same.
“I can talk to her with you if you think it’ll help,” he said.
“Let me give it a shot on my own,” you sighed. “See if she will actually listen to me. If she doesn’t, I’ll call in the reinforcements.”
Savvy had, mercifully, been at least open to the conversation.
“I already know this stuff, Mom,” she’d rolled her eyes, arms crossed as she sat on the couch.
“You know the biology of it,” you said. “But it’s… different. You’re older now, there are going to be feelings you have that you want to act on…”
“Ugh!” She buried her face in the arm of the couch. “Please don’t!”
“You’re young,” you said. “Too young to really understand the risks. Do you feel like you’re ready to raise a child?”
“No!” She pulled her head up. “Obviously not!”
“Then you shouldn’t be having sex right now,” you shrugged. “That’s the risk. Not to mention that there are a lot of emotions that come up when you do that with someone, it can complicate relationships and you’re too young to figure that out on your own…”
“I’m not a baby,” she practically scowled at you. “I can handle emotions!”
“I’m not saying you can’t,” you said gently. “I’m saying that adult relationships are complicated for adults and, as grown up as you might think you are, you’re still a kid. I understand that you might want to feel close with someone and, honestly, there’s not much I can do to stop you. But I want you to understand what you’re risking if you go that route and I want you to not let anyone pressure you into it, even if it’s someone you care about. OK?”
“Alright, jeez!” She groaned. “Can we stop talking now? Please?”
After that conversation, though, Joel became worried about how much time Ellie was spending with Jesse.
“Never really thought about what she did or didn’t learn in the QZ,” Joel said gruffly that night when it was just the two of you. “What if she don’t know how to keep herself safe?”
“I don’t think you have much to worry about,” you said, trying to avoid telling Joel exactly why he didn’t need to worry.
“Would you be OK talkin’ with her for me?” He’d winced as he asked it. “Feel like you’re her mom, think she’d be a little more… receptive to it coming from another woman.”
You’d said yes more to buy time than anything else.
You weren’t thrilled about the idea of lying to your husband but you could tap dance around the truth of it well enough. At least, that’s what you were telling yourself.
“While you’re trying to decide whether or not you want to tell your dad,” you said, getting up to lead Shimmer to her stall. “Think I’m going to call in that favor you owe me…”
“What favor?” She demanded. “You’re not telling him for me!”
“No,” you shook your head. “But I’m also not telling him that I didn’t give you the talk and he needs to do it himself…”
“Jesus…”
“So,” you continued. “Can I ask you to keep a closer eye on Savvy while Joel is out on patrol the next few days? She’s still… more comfortable talking with him than with me. Want to make sure she’s doin’ OK…”
“Of course I will,” she said, relaxing a little. “You know, I still think…”
“Ellie.”
“I’m just saying!” She said. “I know she’s doing her best to move past shit, she really is, but it would be a lot easier if she knew what she was actually moving past, that’s all I’m saying.”
“She’s getting there,” you said, giving Shimmer a scratch. “You don’t understand this yet but it’s hard when you know you can’t protect your child from everything. I can protect her from this.”
“Whatever you say,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m going to the mess hall. As far as Joel knows, you’ve talked to me, right?”
“Right,” you said. “Feel free to act all awkward and lay it on real thick…”
“Alright, bye,” she rolled her eyes and stalked off and you laughed, watching her leave.
It was good to see Ellie acting like she normally did. You knew she was worried about Joel going out on a longer patrol, too.
You were trying not to panic about it. It was time. Consciously, you knew that. He was ready for it, his body as healed as it would ever be. He still had a bit of a limp - one you knew he tried to disguise when he thought you were watching - but he was fully capable. You’d seen it on patrol with him the two times you’d gone, the second one thankfully far less eventful than the first.
He’d since gone out just him and Tommy, never going too far from Jackson. It still made you nervous, even though he always came back whole and well. You always clung to him when he got back and he let you, holding you against him, a hand running soothingly up and down your spine as he did.
But this was his first overnight patrol. He was going to be gone for a few days on a route that had been calm lately, you knew you didn’t have much reason to worry. That didn’t make it much easier.
“What’s got those wheels turnin’?”
Joel’s voice made you jump as you brushed Shimmer down in her stall. He was leaning against the entrance to the stable, arms crossed over his broad chest as he watched you, his denim shirt rolled up to his elbows.
“Who said they were?” You asked, giving the horse a final brush before leaving the stall and walking up to your husband, your own arms crossed over your chest. He smiled and quirked his jaw, shaking his head ever so slightly. “What brings you here, cowboy?”
“Tryin’ to get my wife all to myself for a bit,” he said. “Think I can entice you away from the mess hall for the evening?”
“I dunno,” you stepped closer. “What’d you have in mind?”
He shrugged.
“Just have to see.”
You laughed, dropping your arms and the pretense.
“Lead the way.”
He draped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you in to kiss your temple before walking slowly back to your house. When you stopped to think about it, it still struck you as funny that it was your house and that you thought of it that way and not as Joel’s place. But you did, it was the place you’d made your life together, feeling more like you belonged here than you had almost anywhere else you had ever lived.
When you got in the door, there was a small bouquet of wildflowers in a glass in the middle of the kitchen table, a table that was set for dinner for two. You looked at him, brows raised in surprise.
“What’s this?”
He shrugged, a sly smile on his face.
“Wanted a night in with my girl. Might have talked my way into a steak or two. Think you take yours… medium rare, right?”
“Yeah,” you laughed. “I do.”
“Well,” he pulled you in for a long, deep kiss. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and when you’re done, there’ll be a medium-rare steak waitin’ here for ya.”
“Think I can be convinced,” you smiled against his mouth before kissing him again. “Feel like you’re butterin’ me up or something here…”
“Just tryin’ to make sure you remember why you’re married to me while I’m gone,” he said. “Try to keep you from getting too fed up with my shit…” You laughed and he smiled. “Go on so I can get this going, you’re too distracting standing this close.”
You rolled your eyes but obeyed, going to shower and, instead of putting on jeans or sweats after, finding one of the dresses in your closet, one that Joel had never seen you in. You got your wet hair out of the way and went downstairs again, strangely aware of how the dress hugged your curves.
Joel’s back was to you when you came in but the plates were on the table, steak and green beans and a pile of fresh potato chips on each one.
“Are you kidding me?” You gaped at them. “You realize we’re already married, right? You don’t have to try this hard.”
“Like tryin’ hard for you,” he turned around, glasses in hand, and his mouth fell open, blinking a few times in surprise. “Hot damn, baby…”
“Shocking, know,” you smirked.
“I ever tell you you’re the most beautiful goddamn thing I’ve ever seen?” He asked, setting a glass down at your place. “Now, let me feed you before I change my mind and try to pull that dress off right here in the kitchen.”
Joel really did grill a mean steak. He’d even made the two of you whiskey cocktails with a recipe he’d gotten from Julie and, by the time dinner was done, you were pleasantly tipsy and full.
“Where did you get the flowers?” You asked, trailing your fingertips over the tiny white blooms.
“Might have gone outside for a bit,” he winced a little. You raised your eyebrows. “Not far, the kids in town sneak out that way all the time…”
“Wait, what?” You gaped at him, practically jumping out of your seat.
“Not Savvy and not Ellie,” he said quickly and you settled. “Made sure they know better. But lot of the other kids do. S’pretty out that way, have to take you sometime. Still owe you a trip to the lake. But, in the mean time…” he got up and offered you his hand, pulling you to your feet. “I’ve got someplace to take you tonight.”
He led you to the living room, a nest of pillows and blankets and sleeping bags set up in front of the TV.
“Just one second…” he turned the TV on, the opening sepia toned shot from Titanic on the screen.
“Joel!” You gasped. “Where’d you even get this?”
“Asked around,” he smiled. “Would’ve gone and hunted it down just to see you get all excited though.”
You elbowed him lightly in the side and he laughed as the two of you settled into the pile on the floor, you in Joel’s arms with your head on his chest as his fingers trailed up and down the bare skin of your arm.
The movie was just as good as the last time you’d seen it with Joel. Better, really, because you got to watch it pressed completely against his broad, strong body. But you could only really pay attention so long, twisting in his hold so you were looking at him and not the screen.
“Know it ain’t exactly a date like before,” he said softly. “But… I do OK?”
“Oh you blew past OK a while ago,” you laughed a little and he smiled. “This was… thank you, Joel.”
“Course, baby,” he trailed his fingers over the outline of your face. “Gonna miss you when I’m out there.”
“You could just not go,” you said. “Don’t think anyone’s holdin’ a gun to your head about it…”
He laughed once, softly.
“I know,” he said. “But… I do appreciate you lettin’ me go. I know it ain’t easy for you. Don’t blame you for it. But I’m feeling a lot more like myself since I’ve been patrollin’ again. I feel useful. I missed it. Thank you for letting me find that again.”
Your eyes searched his. You couldn’t really argue that with him, not when he was being so damn open and honest about it.
“Just need you to come home to me,” you said quietly. “You can have and do whatever you want, long as you come home.”
“Long as you’re here to come home to?” He said. “I’m comin’ home. Every time.”
He kissed you, gentle at first but deepening, until he was shoving your skirt around your waist and pulling your underwear down your legs. He sank into you, slow and firm, his breaths heavy and hot on your skin. You sank your fingers into is skin, holding him close and tight and the worries you had about clutching onto him too hard were far away.
Joel kept his pace, his body so large and strong on top of and inside of yours. You could feel his heartbeat, his eyes locked on your own and you focused on how close he was to you, how you knew he was safe and whole like this. How you knew he wouldn’t lie to you, that he would do everything to come back home to you. Your body got tight and needy, the heat inside you pulling into the center of you and burning hotter and brighter with every desperate stroke.
“You’re gettin’ close baby,” he pressed his mouth into your throat, nipping at the tender flesh there before soothing it with a brush of his tongue and a kiss. “Want you to come for me. Love makin’ you feel good, fuckin’ live for it…”
“Promise it’s not the last time,” your voice was tight, too, the intensity of your orgasm crashing into the fear that you couldn’t seem to shake.
“Promise,” he pulled back from you enough to look in your eyes again, his large hand coming to cradle the crown of your head. “Nothing’s keepin’ me from you, baby, nothin’, it’s OK, it’ll be OK, promise it will…”
Your back arched, last ounces of tension gripping you for a moment before releasing in a forceful, desperate wave.
“Fuck, there you are,” Joel panted, fucking you through it, never easing, chasing his own orgasm through yours. “Feel so good, so goddamn good, fuck, that’s it, keep comin’ for me, know you can…”
As your own orgasm started to ease, his took hold, pressing himself deep inside and emptying himself into you there.
Joel pulled himself from your fucked out body with a groan and collapsed beside you, immediately pulling you tightly to him as you gasped short, shaky breaths.
“You’re OK,” he said gently, still breathing heavy himself. “I’ve got you, s’alright…”
You buried your face in his neck and fought to catch your breath, focusing on his scent and the feel of him against your skin.
“I’m sorry,” you said eventually. “I thought I was stronger than this but ever since… I can’t stop thinking about how close I came to never seeing you again and I just…”
“I know,” he said gently, pulling away from you enough that you could see his face. “I know how you’re feeling. I feel it, too. But I need you to know that I mean it when I say I’m comin’ back. I am, baby.”
You just nodded and focused on the feeling of him tracing the outline of your face in the dim light of the TV, his body close beside your own. He pressed a soft kiss into your lips, holding you closer as he did and staying close after he pulled away, so close that his nose brushed yours. You stayed like that, not bothering to turn to watch the movie let alone put in the second tape when the first one ended. Instead, you just memorized how he felt against you, how his eyes looked into your own, how his fingers found their familiar paths along your skin.
You weren’t sure when you fell asleep but you were still entangled with him in the morning, his forehead against yours, his breaths easy and deep in sleep. You ran your fingers through his graying curls and his face tensed a little in his sleep before he adjusted, sliding down your body to bury his face against your chest. You just stroked his hair and held him there, the early morning light becoming pink with the sun.
When you couldn’t avoid it any longer, you woke him reluctantly and the two of you made your way to the stables, your body tucked against his. He gave you a squeeze before separating from you, the two of you working together to get the horses ready to head out on patrol. You walked with the patrol to the front gate, Joel leading his horse by the reins instead of riding him so he could hold your hand on the way.
“Be safe,” you said quietly as he faced you, every other horse on the other side of the wall now.
“Promise,” he said gently, his large hand going to the back of your neck and holding you at just the right angle to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “Take care of yourself and our girls. Gimme somethin’ to come home to, OK?”
You smiled a little. Like something was going to happen in Jackson.
“Promise.”
You watched the patrol leave until they were out of sight, trying to calm the thudding of your heart as you headed for the stable to get started on all the work for the day.
You’d purposely set yourself up for a busy few days with Joel gone. If you were occupied, your mind couldn’t wander. So you focused on training horses.
It was the hardest part of your job but also the part you liked the most. You had to concentrate on it otherwise you’d get thrown. The horse could always tell when you were distracted, if you gave them an inch they would take a mile at this stage.
You were finally thinking about finishing up for the day, the sun low in the sky and your back sore after getting nearly thrown off a horse more times than you cared to count when Ellie and Savvy wandered into the stable, giggling to each other as they made their way over to you.
You took a moment to fully appreciate what they were to each other. You’d always felt bad for Savvy, having just you in the world, no one closer to her own age to bond with. Now, she and Ellie were attached at the hip, sharing the kind of bond you’d always longed to have with the sister who had never materialized, no matter how much you begged your parents for one. Both of them meant so much to you, the whole of the future wrapped up in them. You had survived a lot to get to this point, horrors you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, but you’d do it all again to see these two girls find sisterhood in each other. Conspiratorial whispers and knowing laughs and deep love was everything you wanted for your daughter and she had found it here.
“Terrified to know what this is about,” you half smiled as they walked over..
“Why does it have to be about something?” Ellie rolled her eyes. “What if we just wanted to come say hi.”
“Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two stop by to just say hi,” you said. “So that would be highly suspect. What do you want?”
“Can we go spend the night at Dina’s?” Savvy asked, the words all spilling out of her at once. “I promise we’ll behave and…”
“Dina’s?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at Ellie.
“Yeah, my friend Dina’s,” she gave you a firm look as she said it.
“And what will you be doing at Dina’s?” You asked, turning your attention back to Savvy.
“Just hanging out with some friends,” she said.
“Any boys?” You asked.
“No,” Ellie said quickly. “Mostly some of the girls who just finished up school and the girls who are about Savvy’s age, nothing crazy…”
“Please Mom?” Savvy interrupted her. “It’s going to be so fun and I haven’t done anything like this before but I’ve read about it and it sounds so cool and I really want to go and…”
“And Dina’s sister will be there?” You asked Ellie, who perked up at the question.
“Yeah,” Ellie said. “And she doesn’t let Dina get away with shit…”
“You do realize that you’re 18 and I can’t do a damn thing to stop you, right?” You said to Ellie. “Adults don’t need to ask their moms for permission.”
“I know,” Ellie said. “But so is Dina. And it’ll be more fun if Savvy can go. I’ll keep an eye on her, I promise.”
You looked between them, Savvy looking more happy and open with you than she had in months, so like how she used to look at you when asking for something when she was small. Her eyes were so wide and hopeful and you couldn’t say no, not when she was looking at you like that.
“Alright,” you sighed. Savvy squealed. “But you have to behave. Savvy, no drinking. If there are boys, you come home. No doin’ stupid shit like climbing buildings…”
“Oh that was like one time!” Ellie protested but you silenced her with a look.
“And I expect everything to stay PG,” you finished.
Ellie frowned.
“What the fuck does PG mean?”
You shook your head a little, some things still surprising you about how different the world was, even after all these years.
“It’s a saying from before,” you said. “Means make sure whatever you do, it’s family friendly. That means if you say you and Dina are friends, you act like friends.”
“We are friends,” Ellie rolled her eyes.
“Oh sure,” Savvy drew out the last word, laughing. “I always want to kiss my friends…”
Ellie elbowed her and she laughed harder before quieting down.
“We won’t cause any trouble,” Ellie said. “Promise.”
“You two have fun,” you said. “And come by the stable in the morning so I know you’re still alive.”
“OK Mom,” Ellie rolled her eyes, nudging a giddy Savvy toward the door.
“Thank you, Mom!” Savvy called, giving you a wave as Ellie urged her outside.
You just laughed and watched until you couldn’t see them anymore before taking your time getting everything set for the night. Your house would be empty overnight for the first time since you’d gotten married. You hadn’t slept without Joel beside you in months, you weren’t in a rush to get home and feel his absence there. But, after a while, you couldn’t stall anymore. You made your way to the mess hall, already mostly empty, but found Maria there with William next to her. She smiled and waved you over and you joined them, sitting across the table as William crashed a carved moose and deer into each other, complete with sound effects.
“See you’re putting off being home, too,” she said, putting one hand in the middle of William’s back.
“Yeah, well,” you sighed. “That’s a damn big house for one person.”
She smiled tightly, knowingly.
“It’s always hard, thinking about them out there like that,” she said. “But this one feels harder.”
“Yeah,” you said, laughing once, darkly. “It really does.”
“Hey Aunt Bambi,” William looked up from his toys, his brown eyes reminding you of Joel’s. There was so much of the Miller men in his face it made your heart ache. “Did you know that moose are the biggest deer sp…sp…” he frowned and looked up at his mom.
“Species,” Maria finished for him before looking over at you. “He’s been obsessed with that carving ever since Joel gave it to him for Christmas so we’ve been learning about moose…”
“Well, moose are pretty cool,” you said knowingly.
“I want to see one,” he said. “Mommy says I can’t ride it but I bet I could ride it.”
You tried really hard not to laugh, William’s springy curls bouncing as he looked down at the carving in his chubby hand.
“I don’t think ridin’ it would be a good idea,” you said. “They’re big, could be very dangerous. But they are neat to see.”
“They’re not dangerous,” he frowned. “I bet we would be friends, just because they are big doesn’t mean they’re dangerous…”
“OK let’s I’d rather not think about you riding a moose,” Maria rolled her eyes. “We can start with seeing one from afar once you’re older.”
He just sighed heavily, as though the weight of the world were on his small shoulders, and went back to playing with the carvings.
“I remember when Savvy was that age,” you smiled a little. “She was all about horses, though…”
“Wonder where she got that from,” Maria smiled back.
The three of you were the last to leave the mess hall, the clean up team heading to the kitchens before you started heading out.
“You’re welcome to come over if you don’t want to be at home,” Maria said, carrying William as he started to fall asleep on her shoulder. “Our door is always open…”
“Thanks but I need to bite the bullet,” you sighed. “If Joel’s going out on longer patrols again, I need to get used to spending some nights home alone.”
“Well, the offer still stands,” she said. “As long as you don’t mind my kid babbling to you about moose, apparently.”
You laughed a little.
“He can babble to me about whatever he wants,” you said.
You parted ways and walked around Jackson for a few minutes before heading for the barn where the dogs were kenneled overnight, leaving a note on the log and taking Gatling from her designated place. She trailed behind you home, happy to be under your control again, and you fell asleep with her curled up against your stomach.
It was a relief to start the next day. You were halfway through your days with Joel outside, not sure if he was safe, too far away for you to see our touch. You could do one more night. You brought Gatling back to her kennel before heading to the stables and getting to work.
The girls came by in the late morning, both looking exhausted but otherwise OK.
“We’re going to go home and take a nap,” Ellie said, talking for Savvy who was staring straight ahead, looking dazed. “But we’ll be in the mess hall at lunch…”
“Go sleep before you fall over,” you smiled and shook your head. “Fill me in on everything later.”
Ellie steered Savvy out of the stable and you laughed a little. Savvy had friends, friends she was staying up all night with. It was everything you wanted for her, watching her grow up both beautiful and sad, thinking she would never have friends like this.
The girls beat you to the mess hall, their backs to the door you came in, their heads together, talking conspiratorially.
“She can’t know,” Ellie said quietly. “She’d freak out…”
“We can handle it,” Savvy said, quiet but sharp.
“Handle what?” You asked, making both of them jump, their eyes going wide. They looked at each other quickly and you frowned. “Girls. Handle what.”
“Nothing,” Ellie said quickly. Savvy was looking at you with a strange expression on her face. “Just… there’s a girl we know, this guy is being a dick. I think we can handle it without talking to her because I think if she knew it’d just be extra shitty.”
You frowned.
“Not gonna go pick a fight, are you? Because…”
“No,” she said. “Not picking a fight.”
“OK,” you said, still uncertain. “But I think…”
“Actually, Bambi, if it’s OK, we’re just going to head out,” Ellie said, cutting you off. “We got here early and I need to go bug Jesse about something.”
“Alright,” you frowned, looking between the two of them. “Are y’all sure everything is OK? Because…”
“It’s fine,” Ellie said before you could finish. “Right, Savvy?”
“Yeah,” she said, still looking at you with an expression you couldn’t quite place. Part of it like she didn’t know you at all. “It’s OK.”
“Alright,” you didn’t really believe either of them. “Look, if this boy is a serious problem…”
“Nothing like that,” Ellie cut you off again. “C’mon, Savvy.”
She got up and took Savvy’s hand, pulling her to her feet, too.
“Where can I find you two later,” you said. “Because…”
“We’ll be home,” Ellie said. “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”
She started pulling Savvy along behind her but Savvy just stayed where she was, her feet planted, eyes locked on you.
“Are you sure you’re OK?” You asked, brows knitting together. “If there’s anything you want to talk about…”
Savvy threw her arms around your waist, catching you totally by surprise, burying her face in your shoulder. You slowly, cautiously, put your arms around her, too, just holding her for a moment. It was so foreign yet familiar, so long since she’d latched onto you like this but holding her one of the only things it felt like you’d been made to do.
“You can always talk to me,” you said softly, running your hand over the back of her mass of curls and pressing a kiss to her temple. “About anything, I’m always here for you.”
“I know,” she said, stepping back and looking at you again. “I love you, Mom.”
You just stared at her for a moment, heart feeling like it was cracking open.
“I love you, too,” you said, your hands still on her shoulders. “More than anything.”
“C’mon Savvy,” Ellie said, taking her arm and tugging her away. “See ya, Bambi.”
You watched them go and debated following them before deciding to give Savvy some space. But, by the time you finished having lunch, you’d thought better of it. You were heading to see if they’d actually gone home but Olivia stopped you as you went past the stables, needing help with the horse you’d been working with the day before. It was hours before you could make it back to the house, bypassing your front door and heading straight for the back yard, knocking on Ellie’s door instead.
“One sec!” Ellie called and you heard her scramble for the door, breathless when she opened it. “Hey Bambi, what’s up?”
“Nothing,” you shrugged, not asking for permission and just stepping inside. Savvy was sitting crosslegged in the middle of her bed looking a little more like herself. Or, at least, the self you’d come to recognize her as lately, a little angry with her mouth set in a firm line. “Wanted to see what you girls were up to tonight, make sure everything was OK.”
“We’re fine,” Savvy said, sounding less angry than she looked. “Just pretty tired.”
You nodded slowly.
“Get that stuff figured out with your friend earlier?” You asked, looking between them.
“Think so,” Ellie said. “We can handle it. Right?”
“Right,” Savvy said, giving her a firm nod.
You looked between them, hoping one of them would elaborate. Neither did.
“Alright, look,” you said. “Both of you are actin’ real weird. I need you to tell me what it is you’re schemin’ up because, while I understand that you want to take care of your friend, you can’t just go around causing problems here in town over something like a break up…”
“We’re not causing any problems in town,” Ellie said reassuringly. “I promise, we’re not going to go beat up some kid in Jackson or anything like that, I swear.”
You looked to Savvy.
“She’s right,” she said. “We really aren’t.”
You clenched your jaw for a moment. Something felt… off. They were telling the truth but you were uneasy. Something was up.
“We’re actually still really tired,” Ellie said after a minute. “So, if it’s OK with you, we’re just going to call it a night…”
“You swear you’re not going to go beat up some boy?” You asked, looking between them.
“Promise,” Ellie said. “The Jackson boys are safe from us.”
You sighed, hoping to get Joel’s help getting more out of them when he was back the next night.
“Alright. You two actually get some damn sleep, OK?”
“OK Mom,” Ellie rolled her eyes and you smiled a little. At least that seemed like Ellie.
You went back to the house, sitting at the window to the backyard with a cup of tea for a bit, until the lights went off in their little house. Something still pulled at you but you went and settled on the couch, putting on an old VHS tape that had been in Joel’s house, whoever had lived here before’s recording of some episodes of Seinfeld. You didn’t fast forward through the commercials, marveling at how far away the world that sold things like Oreos seemed. You’d only been about Savvy’s age when this had been recorded. Your relationship with your mother had been fraught, too. As hard as it was to have the only reason you’d fought so hard to survive be distant, she’d done more with you today than you would have with your own mother at that age. You sighed. Maybe you were through the worst of it. Maybe this was just what it was like parenting a teenager, strange distance interspersed with shocking moments of vulnerability.
You dozed off halfway through the third episode and the pounding on your front door made you sit bolt upright, shocking awake with a gasp.
The sound was relentless, a fist slamming into wood instead of rapping against it. You scrambled off the couch and pulled the door open without bothering to see who was on the other side of it, your heart in your throat. What if it was Maria? What if something had happened to Joel?
But standing on your porch was Kyle, the boy Savvy had been spending time with, his shock of red hair slick with sweat, his freckled skin blotchy and red. There was a gash on his cheek.
“Mrs. Miller,” he panted, looking at you with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, they let me go, they let me go to come find you…”
“Slow down, kid,” you said gently, heart still pounding. You put your hands on his shoulders and guided him inside. “Take a deep breath, what’s goin’ on, is everyone OK?”
“No,” he shook his head, his eyes still wild and frantic. “No, they’re not OK. He’s got them, he’s got them, I tried to stop him but I couldn’t, there were too many and…”
“Who’s got who?” You frowned. “Need you to slow down, you’re not making any…”
“Savvy and Ellie,” he said. Your heart stopped. “He’s got them.”
***
“Swear to God this is the longest damn patrol I’ve ever been on,” Joel said, happy he could actually recognize some of what was around them now.
“And we’re even gettin’ back a few hours early,” Tommy gave him a cocky smile. “At least it was an easy one.”
“Jesus, don’t know if I’d call it easy with how my damn leg is feelin’,” Joel said. “Swear all I’m doin’ tonight is soaking in the damn bath…”
“See how your wife feels about that,” Tommy teased and Joel rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen how you two look at each other…”
“Fuck off,” Joel said, smiling all the same.
“S’what I thought,” Tommy said.
It had been an easy few days, all things considered. They’d picked off a few stray infected but no signs of a larger group. No immediate signs of raiders, either, the territory they covered broad and quiet. They’d made good time coming back, closing in on Jackson around noon instead of that evening. It was one of those times that Joel was glad that you worked in the stables, happy he’d have an excuse to go right to you the second he was in the gate. He didn’t care that he knew that he smelled, days of sweat and dirt stuck on his skin and clothes. You wouldn’t mind. You’d damn near tackle him, throwing your arms around his neck and pressing your body into his and he’d forget for a moment just how bad his damn leg was hurting after spending two and a half days on a horse.
But Joel knew something was off the second the gate opened, guards whispering low to each other as Joel and Tommy dismounted.
“Who died?” Tommy frowned, looking around.
“Maria’s on her way up,” Jason, one of the guards, said. “She knows what’s going on…”
Joel frowned at Tommy, who’s face had fallen, skin going pale.
“I’m sure s’all fine,” Joel said, limping more than usual as he went to stand beside his brother, clapping a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It’s Jackson, what could happen?”
Maria appeared then, walking quickly and talking seriously with Warren.
“Oh Jesus,” Tommy said softly. “This is bad…”
“Think we lost someone?” Joel asked, voice low.
“Feels like we’re about to go to fuckin’ war,” Tommy said, matching Joel’s tone.
“Good to see you two back and in one piece,” Maria said, Joel’s stomach lurching at her tone. She was talking like a member of the council not like his sister-in-law. “Jason, take the horses to get settled. I need to talk to Joel and Tommy.”
Joel’s heart beat a little faster. She said it like she needed to talk to him, like Tommy was there to make sure he didn’t fly off the handle. She put her hand in the middle of Joel’s back and guided him to the Tipsy Bison, the bar empty this early in the day.
“What’s goin’ on?” Tommy asked the second they were in the door. “Is William OK? Why’s everyone actin’ like someone fuckin’ died?”
“William is fine, he’s with the neighbors,” Maria said gently before turning her attention to Joel. “I need you to stay calm…”
“Why,” he demanded. “Maria…”
“We don’t know everything,” she cut him off. “We’ve only known about it for maybe two hours, we’re still coming up with a plan and…”
“Known about what,” Joel demanded. “What’s goin’ on?”
Maria took a deep breath and looked him dead in his eyes.
“Bambi, Ellie and Savvy are gone.”
Time slowed. His heart dropped and there was a high pitched whine ringing in his head.
That didn’t make sense. This was Jackson. Things were safe here, everything was supposed to be safe here, that’s why he’d stayed here, risked everything to bring Ellie back here, done everything to keep you here when you’d tried to leave before and something had taken you from him anyway.
“What do you mean they’re gone?” Tommy’s voice snapped him back into his head. “Where’d they go? What happened?”
“This is everything we know,” Maria held a folded piece of paper out to Joel, his name in your handwriting on one half of it like you were addressing a letter. “We’re doing everything we can…”
Joel unfolded the page with trembling hands, the crinkle of the paper almost sharp in his ears.
Joel,
I know I promised to be here to come home to but Cody has our girls and I’m going to get them back. He told me to come alone or they die and I can’t risk them. Please don’t come after me, not until we know they’re safe. I’ll do everything I can to come back to you but if I don’t, protect them and take care of yourself. They need you.
If I never see you again, I want you to know that loving you was worth surviving for. Getting to be your wife and taking care of our girls with you was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Be safe.
I love you.
You signed your name, your real name, like you had the tape you gave him for Christmas but there was one notable difference: your last name was Miller.
Joel’s fist got tight around the paper. He’d lost you and his girls. He’d let the man who had hurt you live and now that had all three of you, doing who knows what to you.
“They were here yesterday,” Maria’s voice sounded far away. “It must have happened overnight. When Bambi didn’t show up at the stables today, Olivia sent someone to check on her around 10 a.m. and they found the note…”
Joel wasn’t listening, turning and stalking for the door, taking mental stock of the supplies he still had on him. How much ammunition? He was pretty sure he had a good count of how many rounds he’d fired on patrol but now he was less certain.
“Joel!” Maria’s voice was sharp, making him stop, one hand on the door, the sunlight pouring through the glass of it oddly bright. How could anything be bright right now, at a moment like this? “What are you doing? You can’t just…”
He looked back over his shoulder, his brother and sister-in-law, the pair of them standing and watching him with cautious looks on their faces.
Joel hoped they wouldn’t try to stop him. He loved them both, they were family, but if he had to choose from you and the girls or his brother, his brother would lose every single time. He wouldn’t hesitate to go through them.
Joel had felt like he’d been meant to do very little in his life. Before, he’d worked a job that let him pay his bills and watched college football for a school he’d never had a shot at getting into. Since, he’d done plenty to get by and distract himself from the emptiness of his existence, none of it feeling like it was worth a damn thing. The one different, constant piece had been how he felt about the people his world revolved around. Sarah, Ellie, you, Savvy. The four of you were his calling. The four of you were why he was here at all. He’d survived the loss of Sarah by the skin of his teeth. In so many ways, he never really recovered. He wouldn’t have recovered at all if it weren’t for Ellie.
He wasn’t doing that again. He wouldn’t survive it again. This was life and death, not just for the three of you but for himself, too.
Joel met his brother’s gaze.
“That monster’s got my wife, my daughters,” Joel said, voice dark and firm. “I’m gonna hunt him, I’m gonna hurt him and I’m gonna bring them back.”
A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I know, more angst. I don't know why I'm like this either. Feel free to yell at me in the comments or my ask box or my DMs. I'll still love you.
Thanks for putting up with me and all my shit and for continuing to read this story. It really does mean so, so much to me.
I love you!!
Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg
#fanfic#joel miller x female reader#yearling#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x oc#smut fic
107 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thirsty Thursday - Family Video
steddie, omegaverse, mdni 🔞
Eddie’s putzing around in the horror section at Family Video when the bell over the door jingles. He glances without thinking, shocked to see Robin Buckley lead Steve Harrington inside.
He’s nosy, wants to know what the hell is up with that. But he also doesn’t want to attract Keith’s attention. Eddie’s taking his time to hang in the A/C as long as possible, nearly an hour already.
Not that Buckley is capable of being quiet, so he hears plenty.
How they’re job hunting and how Robin probably knows more about film than Keith does. How Steve Fuckin’ Harrington likes Return of the Jedi! Even if he can’t remember the title and calls ewoks teddy bears.
Color Eddie surprised.
Add in Steve’s bright, colorblocked outfit and his swoopy hair, the way he absolutely takes out the Fast Times promotional standee and hurries to fix it, resume in his mouth like an enthusiastic labrador retriever.
Embarrassingly, Eddie realizes he’s been pumping out his campfire and marshmallow scent, too charmed to lock down his sudden interest, subconsciously trying to draw in the stupidly endearing omega.
He figures he should go before he actually catches any attention, dipping around the counter and out the door, but not before he hears Buckley and Harrington get hired on the spot.
It’s easy enough for Eddie to memorize Steve’s schedule, only going to rent movies while he’s working. Sometimes he drags the guys with him, or maybe just Jeff, giving more cover to surreptitiously stare at the moles on Steve’s neck.
“You aren’t being nearly as sneaky as you think,” Jeff mutters on more than one occasion . “Just go talk to him.”
“Can’t.” Eddie keeps Jeff between himself and the counter, eyes on the slasher movies like he’s agonizing over his decision.
“Why not?”
“Cuz I’ll say something stupid like, ‘Please, sit on my face, I wanna drown in your pussy.’ That’s why,” Eddie whispers, risking a glance towards Steve.
“What? Seriously!”
“Have you seen what a mess he is now? And add in that apple pie scent—my mouth is watering and my dick is—”
“Christ! I’m sorry I asked. But I still think you should talk to him.” Jeff turns his attention to the shelf in front of them. “Nightmare on Elm Street?” he asks, reaching for the case.
“Yeah…” Then Eddie stares as Jeff brings the tape up to the counter, his best friend effortlessly making small talk and laughing as he rents the movie. Like a coward, Eddie hurries out of the video store, waiting for Jeff in his van.
When Eddie goes to return the tape the next day, he’s surprised when Steve looks at Robin and says, “I’m going on my break,” even as he accepts the tape from Eddie, their fingers brushing.
“Yeah, whatever,” Robin answers, flipping through a magazine.
Broad fingers wrap around Eddie’s wrist and drag him back to the Family Video break room past the “Employees Only” sign.
Steve smiles at him as he closes the door behind them. “Sorry. Just got tired of waiting for you to make a move.”
“What?” Eddie has never known Steve Harrington to be the kind of omega who waits for an alpha.
“You aren’t doing a very good job of controlling your scent.”
Eddie gulps, cheeks heating.
“And your friend said you were super into me, which… Yeah, definitely picked up on that.”
Nodding, Eddie waits for his tongue to untie, pretty sure he’s gonna die first when Steve steps closer, presses his hand to Eddie’s chest. “You surprised me,” he manages to say.
“Sorry about that.” Steve doesn’t look sorry at all as he leans in, sniffs at Eddie’s neck. “I’m too used to Robin, bad at personal space with pack.”
“Not what I meant—the ewoks—I mean. Shit. Wait.” Eddie closes his eyes, Steve’s scent filling his nose and making him warm. He smells safe. Familiar.
“Yes?” Steve murmurs, hand moving up to touch the skin above the collar of Eddie’s shirt.
“Not pack, what do you mean bad at personal space with pack?”
“Can tell you should be pack.” He nuzzles at Eddie’s cheek and whispers, “Want to be your pack.”
Eddie gives into his instincts then, whining and holding Steve’s face still, bringing their mouths together. He has no idea what he’s doing, but Steve clearly does as he gentles the kiss, grinning as he pulls away.
“My shift ends at seven. Meet me at my place at seven-thirty.”
Eddie nods. “Uh-huh, yep, whatever you say.”
Steve glances up at the clock. “But we’ve still got six minutes before my break ends, and you need to practice,” he teases, pulling Eddie back in for another kiss.
#steddie#omegaverse#ficlet#alpha eddie munson#omega steve harrington#thirsty thursday#stranger things fic
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
Lab Visit (Sephiroth x Scientist!Reader)
(Set in Crisis Core)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sephiroth was due for a physical today. He was supposed to receive new Mako injections and stamina boosters, as per Hojo's orders. You, one of Shinra's top scientists, had been ordered to complete this procedure. While the very mention of such a task frightened your fellow scientists, you were not to be deterred. Sephiroth was a bristly, rather cold person, but he wasn't as cold to you, which could probably be credited to the little friendship the two of you had built. Over the years, Sephiroth's visits to the lab had brought you company, real company, not the ramblings of some deranged lunatic who lurked about in the shadows. Sephiroth was different, both physically and mentally, though you could never tell why. There was something about him that enabled his very presence to be both calming and terrifying all at the same time. Yes, the man could be nice at times, but there were several disastrous instances where he lashed out in anger at anyone who dared approach him with a needle or syringe, though when you did it, you were a different story. One could even say...he trusted you. This trust allowed you to do things to him no one else could, such as take samples of his blood without him going ballistic and destroying everything in the lab in a fit of rage--or possibly, fear.
"Y/N," A low, sinister voice intoned, as an old man with greasy black hair tied back in a low ponytail emerged from the shadows.
"Dr. Hojo," You greeted, feeling yourself tense under his menacing gaze. Of all the scientists--no--all the people in Shinra, Hojo was who you detested the most. The acts he'd committed were unforgivable. Turning your own assistants and fellow scientists into mutant creatures for "research"?! Unbelievable! Not to mention the things he'd done to Sephiroth before you'd even arrived. You hadn't even uncovered the details of what happened, but you knew it had to be bad.
Still, Hojo was your employer; he was paying your wages and providing you with opportunities to learn and grow your experience--as well as chances to talk to Sephiroth more often, so you had to grit your teeth and bead it.
"The subject will be here soon," He finally said, sounding rather giddy. "Prepare the equipment. I want samples of everything." You gulped, knowing full well that when Hojo said he wanted "everything", he meant everything. Skin samples, hair samples, sweat samples, and more. You barely finished gathering up your gear when a familiar figure trooped through the door.
"Dr. Y/N, how do you do?" You spun around, trying--and failing--to hide the grin on your face.
"General Sephiroth, a pleasure to see you again. Do have a seat." Sephiroth nodded before tugging off his leather trench coat, revealing his lack of underclothes. He hung the coat on a rack on the wall and took a seat on the hospital-style bed you'd prepared for him. From the corner, Hojo watched, a devious glint in his eye. You busied yourself with gathering up vials and beakers, and such, while the two men glared at each other silently. After several minutes, Hojo departed, presumably to slither back into whatever hole he crawled out of, leaving the two of you alone in the room. Almost instantly, the tense mood was lifted.
"I can't believe you can put up with him," Sephiroth sighed, crossing his bare arms. You shrugged, sterilizing a needle with alcohol.
"Believe me, I'm trying very hard not to throw something acidic at his head." Your eyes met, smirks both plastered on your faces.
"I would like to see you do that," Sephiroth chuckled, extending his arm for you to prick.
"And to do so would be my dream come true," You responded, gently pricking his arm with the needle and drawing a few small drops of blood.
Sephiroth nodded, a smile on his face as he relaxed into the hospital bed. Over the course of the next hour, you collected all the samples Hojo would need for his sick creations, and once the Mako infusion drip was in, you were both free to chat, about work, about your own personal lives, about everything. Throughout the entirety of this short visit, Sephiroth looked happier than you'd ever seen him, even though he was in a place he hated. He was happy with you, and you were happy with him.
Once the infusion was complete and Sephiroth was free to leave, he did so reluctantly, for the only reason he braved the nightmares of this lab, the only reason he subjected himself to experimentation, was so he could see you.
#Sephiroth x reader#Sephiroth#Ff7#Ffvii#final fantasy vii#ff7 sephiroth#ffvii sephiroth#Final fantasy 7 sephiroth#Final fantasy 7#Ffvii sephiroth#Kinda fluff#Fanfic#icycoldninja writes#Sephiroth x reader ff7#ffvii sephiroth x reader#sephiroth ffvii#sephiroth ff7#sephiroth final fantasy#final fantasy vii sephiroth#sephiroth x you
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
roommates: part eleven.
your new roommate is... odd, and recently, so are your dreams. still, despite the secrecy, the mystery, and his ice cold exterior, you have the feeling you'd waltz right into love with him. (maybe you already have before.)
pairing. scaramouche x gn!reader
tags. no warnings, slice of life, fluff, slowburn, friends to lovers, reincarnation au, post irminsul erasure
prev. masterlist. next.
“Can't even look me in the face?” Kunikuzushi sneers. It's biting, that tone. “This is getting ridiculous.”
He stands between you and the hallway, preventing you from rushing into your room the moment you return home — a habit you had picked up on recently. It's shameful, you know. You really wish you talked it out with him earlier, but you had avoided him on pure instinct the first time you saw him and just couldn't stop.
A muttered excuse tumbles out of your lips, but it trails off, and you're left staring at him like a fool.
“I'm sorry,” you say softly, hesitantly meeting his gaze.
His arms are crossed, his brows drawn. He looks more hurt than the furious he portrays himself to be. His next words are said with stormy eyes and through gritted teeth. “I never pegged you down as the cowardly type.”
It stings, but he’s right, even if he was being rather harsh about it. You couldn't run away from it forever.
He sighs, letting his arms fall, and you watch as he brushes past you, heading for the door. Then, he pauses, turning to look at you.
“Come on,” he tells you impatiently, head cocked to the side. “What are you waiting for? I know a quiet place to talk.”
He spares you not a glance as you walk, always a step ahead as he leads you along the way. You follow him curiously, out of the city, up and down the winding paths of the forest, on a cobblestone path that turns to soil and then grass.
Crisp breeze tousles his hair, his cape flowing behind him, and starlight dusts his figure a shimmering glow. For all that it is worth, you think he looks simply angelic.
“We’re almost there,” he says, interrupting the silence.
We better be, you huff. You've been walking for ages now, and you've certainly had enough time to think over what you’d say to him.
You reach a cliff's edge, overlooking the city and the endless twilight beyond. Damn, you think. It's been a while since you've been this far out.
He sits before you do, legs dangling in the air, chin tilted up towards the skies. You lie on the grass instead, head propped up by an arm. You try not to think about how one wrong move would send you tumbling all the way down.
You tell yourself Kuni would catch you if you did.
For a second, everything is still. His eyes flutter shut, and you watch as he relaxes, as if letting something fall away. For a second, you can pretend that nothing has happened, that nothing has changed, and that you were just a dressmaker and he was just your roommate. And for a second, you entertain a ridiculous thought. You wish that you could stay in this moment forevermore.
You can't, you think. For you still had a lifetime to live.
“Will you start from the beginning?” you ask him softly.
His eyes flicker open, turning to face you almost lazily. He has a way of turning fear into confidence, you learn. He huffs. “As if you don't know the story of my creation.”
You pout. “But I want to hear it again. Pretty please?”
He relents with a sigh, and you cheer.
… It gets dark really, really fast.
“Dottore, that lunatic… He spins a ludicrous tale of how Niwa had killed you for your heart, then fled out of guilt.” Kuni's tone drips with derision, and you can tell part of that derision is directed at himself.
You shift closer to him, frowning faintly. “You couldn't have known.”
He scoffs, and to that, he says nothing.
“Ashes,” he murmurs, gaze a thousand miles away. “There was nothing left but ashes.”
You gasp, letting out a soft cry. Poor kid. Poor Kunikuzushi. Did he never get a break?
The night draws colder as you learn about the centuries Kuni — now named Scaramouche, had lived. Your eyes burn with stifled tears as you can only imagine how someone so pure was lost to time, devoured by wrath and woe, bitterness and venom.
“You should have seen me then,” he tells you, a wry smile spread across his face. “You would have hated it.”
You shake your head in protest. “I wouldn't have. Well, I mean… I would've stayed by your side, at least.”
Surely that counted for something?
“Don’t make me laugh. Someone like you could never survive an organisation like the Fatui,” he retorts. Somehow, you have the feeling he doesn’t mean it in a bad way. “You would have stayed, even if ‘Kunikuzushi’ was no more? Even if you are hurt endlessly?”
His eyes are electrifying, challenging. His face is set in the way he expects you to laugh and take back your words, in the way he expects you to say you'd leave after all. You scowl right back, resolve firm.
“Even then.”
He lets out a sharp breath of a laugh.
“I reached out for the Gnosis,” he says, and there's something tight in his tone, strained with a certain kind of grief. “Then, I fell.”
You gape. Utterly flabbergasted. What. The. Fuck.
“And you — I — How are you not dead…?”
“Don't be stupid,” he harrumphs, as if he had not fallen from twenty meters in the air. As if he had not hit the ground, as if he had not been scared and frantic and desperate. “I would never be so pathetic as to die from something like that.”
Studying him silently, you sigh, brows drawn with worry. He lies on the ground next to you after he had gotten sick of looking down at you, and he's so close you can hear every breath he takes. He had survived, that you know. How else would he be here before you, alive and well?
Still…
“Did it hurt?”
He shrugs nonchalantly. “Only for a second.”
You roll over closer to him, and he doesn't seem to mind when you squish against his side. “So, I've been curious,” you say. “Why were you so agitated that day? Y'know, the last day I saw you before I…”
His nose scrunches.
“Oh, then?” he laughs. It is a rather hollow laugh. “Vermin who didn’t know their place decided to cause a ruckus, is all.”
You sigh, letting both the matter and your head drop. It’s obvious he will not elaborate on it further. Maybe he’ll tell you another day.
He ends his tale rather anti-climatically, brushing off his entire life as if it were simply a pain to deal with. You remain silent, apprehensive and contemplative. You had lived a whole different life, and a whole different timeline had come and gone and now, you were one of the only people in the world that remembered it still.
He takes your silence the wrong way. Looking terribly unamused, he smirks, cocking his head. “Well, what will you do now? Maybe if you beg, that meddlesome god will wipe your memories for you once more.”
“Archons, who do you think I am? If anything, this means you’re stuck with me now,” you tell him snootily, smacking his head.
It’s kind of poetic, isn’t it? That not even death could do you part? You had liked him then and you liked him now, and there’s a small part of you that thinks you would have liked him even when he was stained with hell. Perhaps one day, this like would turn into love as well.
Whatever the case, and in one way or another, he was yours now.
“You’re a moron,” he scoffs, lips quirked up into a half-smile.
You grin. “And you’re a bitch.”
(“‘m sorry I was avoiding you,” you murmur drowsily, “I didn’ mean to…”
He glances at you just as your head lolls against his side, fast asleep. His useless heart has the gall to stutter.
The both of you had talked until day breaks, and it is when the horizon is painted pink that your fatigue catches up with you. How weak, he muses, resisting the urge to poke at your cheek. To think mortals needed something as redundant as sleep.
You’d have to continue your conversation another day, then, seeing as how you were in no shape to do so now. There were still many things he had to discuss with you.
Standing, he dusts himself off, ready to head home. He looks down at you. A beat passes. Then, he huffs, lugging you onto his back.
“Don’t get the wrong idea,” he mutters under his breath. Humans were weak, especially someone like you. You’d certainly fall ill if he were to leave you alone, out in the open like this. Maybe even deathly ill. “You can’t pay your half of the rent if you’re dead.”
So, you’d owe him for this. Hmph.)
taglist. (send an ask to be added.)
@franaby @dragontammerz @ainnofinway @sketcheeee @briluvspnk @bunniicantsleep @featuredtofu @tragedy-of-commons @parkjayssi @xiaosantenna @idontevenknow129 @bfajax @mostlymoth @thenyxsky @kiyiiaarchived @skyvella @theautisticduck @someonealreadyhadmynickname @wanderersumbrella @im-just-here-for-the-coffee
#—stellaronhvnters.#scaramouche x reader#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#genshin#scaramouche#NOW ITS JS THE EPILOGUE LEFT THANK THE LORDS
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
Seungmin
(7/8)
MDNI 💖
Mafia bosses have it hard. So busy, and stressful. Kim Seungmin. The love of your life. You love him dearly. And he loves you…you think. He’s so intimidating and hot. You can’t choose what to think. “Excuse me, pup? Hello?” He says slightly irritated snapping in front of your face drawing you back “sorry, what?” You mumble. You’re sitting on the edge of the big desk, in arms reach of him. “As I was saying…” you tune him out quickly. You’re never sure why he dragged you to this meeting. Don’t get me wrong. You’ve missed him…you’ve even been teasing him all day. Wearing the tightest little pink dress you own. Not long later everyone leaves and it’s just you and Seungmin. He quickly grips your hips and throws you into his lap, shooting you a tense and intimidating glare, “what the fuck are you doing!?” In a low growl which just goes into your aching core. “Doing what?” You ask softly and he’s grabs a handful of your hair causing a whimper from you and pulls you close to his face with a smirk across his face. “Don’t. Even.” He chuckles and pulls you into a kiss. Working fast and Wasting no time, stripping you of your clothes, and bending you over the desk. Using his tie to tie your arms behind you. Then flipping you over, Gripping your throat and he peers down at you. “Fucking slut, so wet for no reason.” He growls and you can feel him hover over your entrance. You expect him to thrust into you, as normal. But you feel and cold metal stretch you out, a loud moan to escape your lips. And you glance down to see the tip of his gun inside of you… you try to say something, anything! but then he moves it deeper and deeper inside of you. “Gon’ cum like this for me? Huh slut?” He growls out as he thrusts the gun in and out of you, with his free hand he rubs figure sights on your clit, which sends you toppling over the edge and the knot in your lower stomach snaps. Forcing the most breathless, pornographic moan out of you. You lean back on the desk to catch your breath, then slowly prob yourself up to see your boyfriend licking your release off the gun. Fuck…he’s so hot… you try to reach out to him but get a brutal reminder that your arms tied behind your back, you groan. How can you palm his rock hard dick with no hands?! You softly giggle, and press your knee softly on his bulge. He groans loudly and glares at you, the roughly flip you over and you can hear his pants fall to the floor, wasting no time to trust all of him into you. He’s not exactly girthy. But long and slender. He starts to move at a quick pace. “Is this what you wanted?” “Fucking slut” spitting his normal array of dirty words at you… “answer me!” He yells out and lands a hard slap on your right cheek, he’s never done that. But my fuck. You moan loudly, and he laughs dryly at you “fucking sicko-“ he slaps you again. He finally hits that perfect spot your walls clenches around him. “C-close…!” You moan out, and he hits that spot repeatedly as your eyes roll back, your orgasm hitting you like a semi-truck and your vision goes white. His follows not long after and he collapses on you. He speaks in a whisper “good girl…”
Suddenly Jeongin’s voice booms in the hallway…
“Seungmin, what the fuck are you doing in there?!”
A/N I’m back! Guess who’s a little stupid! I’m so sorry for kind vanishing. It’s theatre season, and my dumbass when long boarding in BOOTY SHORTS. And the got sick ☺️. Anywho. Hopes y’all liked it. Working on a daddy 2chan fic rn. She’s eating. Love y’all. Remember to rest, eat and drink water! Love you always and forever, byeeeee💕💕💕
#stray kids hard thoughts#stray kids x you#skz scenarios#skz smut#stray kids x y/n#stray kids imagines#stray kids x reader#stray kids x reader smut#stray kids smut#seungmin#skz#seungmin smut#seungmin stray kids#seungmin x you#seungmin x reader#seungmin skz
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Kiss Hello - Fíli x Reader
Hey guys, look who keeps overcommitting :D
Anyway how about instead of any of the requests I have in my inbox you read a short piece I wrote in November 2022?
Word Count: 0.7k
Warnings: none
Fíli had always thought it was a bit of a strange greeting and goodbye. One kiss to each cheek, your hands easily resting on his shoulders to pull him in. You told him it was normal where you came from, and he supposed he wasn't one to tell you you weren't allowed to practice your culture near him.
It helped that he didn't exactly mind. You had lived with them under the mountain for years, and he was still the only one left with a burning face and butterflies in his stomach once you were out of sight.
"Fíli, this is getting ridiculous," Kíli sighed goofily as they traversed the halls of the mountain, trying to find the longest and most time-consuming route to their meetings. "I can see hearts in your eyes whenever she's around, why don't you just... confess?"
"Because I'm not you, Kíli," Fíli said, a bit agitated. "It's expected of me to find a nice dwarrowdam and settle down, keep our people happy. I can't just... just..."
"Just be happy with the woman you so obviously love?" Kíli interrupted, seemingly unfazed by his brother's sharp words. "You're free to make your own decisions, but I can promise you will live with regret forever if you don't do something. And soon."
Fíli looked slightly up at his younger brother. "What is that supposed to mean? What do you know?"
Kíli shrugged, eyes trained on the path ahead of them. He wasn't smiling anymore.
"Kíli!" Fíli felt his frustration rising, and with it, panic. What was happening? What were you going to do? "What, is she going to leave?"
Kíli only looked at him.
The golden prince's heart sank.
Was it his fault?
Fíli paced, wringing his hands, in the marketplace you always seemed to find yourself in, sometimes to sell, sometimes just to shop—oh, how he loved how vibrant you were when you shopped with him.
At this point, his heart was no longer in his stomach, but his feet. He couldn't stand it if you left, all because he chased you away, all because he was stupid and didn't know when to admit it—
"Y/N!" He interrupted his own thoughts, seeing you draw near. You held the basket you always used when shopping, the one he bought you in one of the towns you stopped at, before Erebor had even been won. It was looking a little worse for the wear, but you refused to give it up.
"Fíli!" You called back with a smile, but your eyes looked strained.
He wrestled with his brain, trying to figure out what to say first. His words became an incomprehensible knot. "Are you leaving?" He blurted. He just... he just really needed to know.
"Yes, actually, I am," you admitted, gazing at the floor. "I figured... I don't know, I think it's just time," you nodded, mouth twisted in a sad smile. "I hope you won't miss me too badly."
Fíli's heart raced. "Actually, if I could—"
A voice called out to you, and from the looks of it, it belonged to the head of a caravan you were looking to travel with.
"I'm so sorry, it looks like I have to go," you apologized, moving forward to bid him goodbye.
First, it was the right cheek, and as you moved to kiss his left, he turned, catching your lips with his.
The contact was fleeting, you startling back, flustered. "Oh, goodness, I'm sorry—"
You were still only centimeters from him. "Don't go," he murmured, moving to kiss you again. He didn't want to leave any doubt in your mind—that was not an accident.
His heart fluttered as he felt you kiss back, tilting your head as his hand rose to cup your face.
"I won't," you said as you pulled away, hot breath fanning across his face.
He felt eyes on the two of you from all sides. There would be no hiding this, no killing rumors or trying to keep a secret. "Good," he said, his lips still almost touching yours.
He had always liked your goodbyes, but this new beginning was much better.
#lotr#lotr fandom#lotr fanfic#the hobbit#lotr headcanons#the hobbit headcanons#the hobbit x reader#fili x reader#fíli x reader#fíli the hobbit#fili the hobbit#fili fanfic#fili durin#fili and kili#fili durin x reader
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
the only purpose of the shock collar was to subjugate, enforce cinder’s status as an object the madame owned. she neither chose it nor wanted it—and in the end, it was just a necklace. cinder breaks it with ease, with one hand. anyone might have set her free at any time with, literally, no more effort than it would take to lift a finger.
(do not try the bullshit nonsense about cinder’s enslavement being legal with me. slavery was abolished after the great war, and when the madame is displeased she brings cinder into the kitchen to torture her behind closed doors. adopting an impoverished orphan from a foreign country and using a collar made to look like a pretty necklace is how she gets away with it, enabled by the complete indifference of her wealthy patrons to the plight of the "adopted child."
the thematic point of rhodes is that he enforces the law only when it’s convenient for him to do so: he knows cinder is being abused, but he’s a regular patron of the hotel and he chooses not to say or do anything to intervene until he recognizes cinder as a threat to the madame. “hurting them won’t make your life any easier.”
we see this pattern reoccur again and again in atlas, that those who hold political or economic power flout the law without consequence or contort it to work for them while those beneath are subjected to strict, unforgiving enforcement. everything robyn does before the election is legal and above-board but the ace-ops openly treat her like a criminal and hound her about obeying the law, while ironwood misappropriates construction materials earmarked for mantle. this is the idea that rhodes embodies.)
so the greatest injustice of the collar is that it had no real power, by itself, over cinder. she could take it off whenever she wanted, except that she was not allowed to; no one willing to help her, no safe haven where she could find refuge after, and when she becomes desperate enough to resort to violence to free herself she is immediately prevented from doing so by a huntsmen—exemplars of moral virtue as they are intended to be—who tells her that in order to be good she must endure seven more years before she is allowed to leave without her guardian’s permission.
as an instrument of control, the collar can exist only through the willingness of the hotel’s patrons to participate in the fiction that cinder, having been lifted out of poverty by the madame’s generosity (look, she even gave the girl a lovely necklace!), is now earning her keep, learning the value of hard work. pay the scars no mind. rhodes intervenes to keep protect the madame, and his fondness for cinder is circumscribed by that motive.
the first time he leaves after he begins to train her, rhodes says goodbye by placing his hand on top of her head; cinder flinches—
—and the scene cuts right to the collar:
in the same mode, the madame electrocutes cinder in a panic as cinder strangles her, and rhodes’ final act is to place his hand on cinder’s head, scaring her—
—after which she cuts him down and stands upright to remove her collar:
the collar and the gentle (unwanted) hand are one and the same, two faces of a single instrument. carrot, stick. neither figures cinder as a human being. rhodes is only gentle until she disobeys him, whereupon the covert violence of their first meeting is reified: he enters her only ‘safe’ place to catch her in an unlawful act; his first action is to pass judgment; his second, to draw his weapons.
now, that’s not yours, is it?—huntsmen are called to embody a heroic ideal, to protect others who cannot protect themselves. rhodes places his own weapons into cinder’s hands and declares that he will train her as a huntress on the condition that she agrees not to protect herself; he releases himself from his duty to protect her by moving her into the category of people who do not need to be protected, and thereby makes her both guardian and grimm: as a child who will become a huntress it falls to her to protect her family from the monster of herself.
thus she’s forced to become an active participant in her own abuse; before she can break free of the collar, she has to bite the hand that held it in place.
now to the grimm. during the montage of cinder’s training-and-abuse, there is a particular sequence that goes like this: rhodes and cinder spar with wasters late one night, he disengages and gives her an approving nod; we cut to cinder kneeling before the madame in the empty lobby, dusting a glass statuette of a sabyr for inspection. her work is found inadequate, and the madame finds quiet satisfaction in reminding cinder of the power she has over cinder:
then the madame walks away, and although cinder strives to maintain the performance of being unaffected—indifferent—she can’t:
in contrast to the scenes preceding cinder’s bargain with rhodes—wherein the larger-than-life glass statues looming over the lobby alternate between prominently visible or just protruding into frame and cinder’s face is an open book of angry resentment—this is the only instance of a grimm figurine being clearly visible and in focus during the montage, and also the one time cinder’s mask slips to reveal her anger.
similarly, in the time-skip at the end of the montage, the glass sphinx sitting on the coffee table in the mid-left is removed to signal the passage of time, with no other changes made to the decor:
but guess who’s back as soon as the situation reaches critical mass?
glass wolf. glass dragon. glass shoes.
the point is, throughout the flashback midnight leverages these glass-grimm to symbolize cinder’s true self, her anger which protects her and which the gentle hand demands she extinguish. the fantastical gilded opulence of the glass unicorn depends on cinder staying quietly in her cage. no, it isn’t fair—the gentle hand admits this—but it is her moral imperative to serve others. in this distorted unreality the defenseless and the indefensible become commingled. a huntress, as salem would have it, is a defender who lives and dies to protect a lifestyle. or she is, as ozpin defines it, one who guards the peace by killing monsters.
cinder’s instinctive understanding that this is not fair—that she is not nothing—that she has been wronged—is the monster she must slay to become the hero of this story, the story of the glass unicorn and madame and rhodes and all of atlas. and in the end she can’t.
rwby has never been precious about depicting blood, but there is no blood in this scene: not not on the floor, not on the bodies, not on her weapons, not a single drop upon her white shirt. her hands are clean. in shadow, the monster snaps the chain around her throat and turns to looks up at the moon—and its light reveals what is true. her tears, her scars. a child who deserved better than she was given. a child who did nothing wrong.
ahem.
Keeping [grimm] in captivity has proved to be an understandably difficult task, as the creatures tend to either die, or kill those who imprisoned them in the first place.
hm! anyway. the narrative function of this flashback is to provide context and contrast with the scenes that follow.
to review:
the collar’s power is enforced by communal indifference and complicity.
the madame, though unaware of him, depends on rhodes to keep cinder under her control; rhodes intervenes to protect the madame from cinder.
the gentle hand is an equal to the collar, a mechanism of control by which cinder is made to participate in her own abuse, and when she disobeys, it turns to iron and inflicts violent punishment. even when he is gentle, cinder flinches under his touch.
by training cinder to fight but forbidding her to defend herself, rhodes casts her into the role of both guardian and grimm: she is expected to protect the madame by slaying her anger and turning the other cheek.
the glass grimm figurines symbolize cinder’s anger, which protects her. when she defends herself, cinder metaphorically becomes grimm: the monster of the glass unicorn is destined to be hated and hunted for the rest of her life, and the monster of the glass unicorn is a blameless child who refused to let herself be hurt. grimm, in this story, are good.
also note
the similar framing here.
now!—from the moment cinder wakes up, it is abundantly clear that she expects to be met with brutal punishment for her failure. “you—you brought me back here… we failed.” she’s horror-stricken at finding herself in this place and that hardens into terror as the reality sinks in that she is within salem’s reach.
later, on the bridge, she affects calm until salem pauses in front of her; her eyes snap open. she shrinks into herself at the sound of salem’s voice but hangs on every word. when salem mentions the winter maiden, cinder grits her teeth and braces herself.
cinder associates salem with the madame: that is why without you, i am nothing falls out of her mouth so easily when salem tears her down in 8.1 and again when salem threatens her in 8.4—those are the words to make the pain stop, to appease, to demonstrate that she is contrite and repentant and grateful. she believes that this is what salem wants to hear when cinder has displeased her. and she is, at the top of the bridge scene, waiting for the torture to begin so that she can choke it out again and survive this humiliating ordeal.
except that is not what salem wants to hear.
by now salem knows beyond any doubt that “without you, i am nothing” is what cinder believes she wants to hear, and it is obvious to anyone with eyes that cinder expects to be tortured. whether salem knows cinder’s history or not—i don’t think she does, not in any great detail—she knows people well enough to put two and two together. salem knows, then, that cinder expects to be tortured into groveling self-denigration.
she doesn’t want cinder to expect that from her. there’s no other reason for salem to be so thorough in dismantling the expectation.
if she wanted to make cinder afraid, the more effective way is to decline to torture her at all: cinder is so certain that salem will hurt her that withholding punishment entirely will only convince her that salem intends to wait until the moment she lets her guard down, or some other form of deferred retribution all the worse for being delayed.
whereas the most efficient way to puncture cinder’s terror of being tortured is—somewhat perversely—to actually torture her a little bit. because cinder does not BELIEVE there is any possible outcome in which salem spares her, if salem wants to introduce the possibility of mercy she first needs to enter cinder’s reality, where mercy doesn’t exist, by proving she can and will inflict pain to answer both defiance (“you chose to disobey my specific instructions”) and failure (“just to fail again…”)
a brief burst of pain to express displeasure instead of holding cinder under torture until she breaks isn’t really merciful, but it’s the lower bound of what cinder will be able to trust and it eases her into the idea that salem is lenient.
then, “and i’ve realized it’s all my fault. you’ve fought your whole life unwaveringly for what you want, and here i am holding you back, instead of lifting you up; you deserve so much more than i’ve given you.”
aside from being a straightforward subversion of cinder’s clear expectation—cinder thinks she will be abused without mercy until she breaks, salem stops and absolves cinder by reframing cinder’s disobedience as a natural consequence of her own failures—salem has a few specific things in mind here.
the most obvious is the reversal of what she said to cinder in 4.11: “i thought you were the girl who wanted power. did you lie to me? then stop holding back.” and she’s also pointedly walking back things she said yesterday, in 8.1 and 8.4: “all you need concern yourself with is your ability to act when i tell you to” and the “she thinks; she wants…” bit are here flipped into implicit praise for cinder’s tenacity in pursuing what she wants and implicit apology for standing in her way.
but the most interesting angle to consider is that this is salem’s response to “without you, i am nothing.” salem does not verbally respond either of the times cinder says that to her in 8.1 and 8.4; the first time, she dismisses everyone with a gesture, and the second time she just walks away. both reactions are in line with what cinder expects—after all, the point is to remind cinder that she is nothing.
however, cinder has—from what we’ve seen—never spoken to salem this way before, and given she seems genuinely taken aback when salem shuts her down in 8.1 i do think it’s likelier than not that salem has never demeaned her like this before, and that together with having been in atlas for months is what surfaces the trauma association with the madame and thence the appeasing behavior.
so consider how this looks to salem.
the last time she spoke to cinder, she said “you’re free to speak your mind,” and cinder whipped around from the window without hesitation, outraged: “i don’t understand! working with bandits? leaving ruby alive? what’s the point? we’re strong enough to take what we want by force!”—not even a ma’am in there. cinder addressed her like she saw herself and salem as equals, notwithstanding that salem had final say, and salem clearly didn’t have a problem with that.
several months pass. salem is displeased about the loss at haven but trusts that cinder will make an effort to recover the lamp; she is also worried enough for cinder to toss her plans and divert nearly everything to atlas, not that she’s willing to admit that’s why.
cinder walks onto the bridge and the first words out of her mouth are “my queen.” a few minutes in salem curtly informs her that no she will not go rampaging after the winter maiden and cinder’s answer is a demure, “of course; without you, i am nothing.” and then a few hours later they quarrel about it and cinder repeats those exact words in exactly the same tone again.
unless salem knows cinder’s history in far more granular detail than i believe cinder would be willing to divulge, that’s… a really strange shift in behavior with no clear reason; yes, she had to make up the loss at haven (and she did), and yes, salem was unusually mean to her, but neither of those things add up to this plainly well-practiced self-abasement from the girl who only a few months ago did not appear to have a humble bone in her body. once might have been sarcasm; but twice within a few hours?
whereafter cinder ran off to attack the winter maiden and almost died again and salem had six hours to pick all of this apart in her head while cinder lay unconscious.
why didn’t she respond to cinder saying “without you, i am nothing,” if that is not what she wants from cinder? well,
“you disobeyed my specific instructions, just to fail again, and i’ve realized it’s all my fault.” both times cinder said that, it was in response to the specific instructions that cinder disobeyed when she went after penny: you will act when i tell you to, and you will remain here. six hours, salem had to think about this. “you’ve fought your whole life unwaveringly for what you want, and here i am holding you back, instead of lifting you up; you deserve so much more than i’ve given you.”
salem does not think of cinder as nothing. even when she is deliberately being mean, she makes a point to say that she values cinder (“just because you’re more valuable to me than a pawn–”). cinder holds the key to her victory and cinder is also important to her in ways she cannot bring herself to admit except that she keeps bending her plans further and further for cinder’s sake. the first time cinder says “without you, i am nothing” to her, she seems bemused (brows up) and then wry. the second time, she doesn’t react at all.
then because she left it there, cinder nearly dies and is unconscious for hours. and once she wakes up salem hits her with:
this is my fault
what you want matters
i should be lifting you up
you deserve better
i will help you
IN A CLASSIC SALEM MOVE she does not actually say what she means, which is “you are not nothing,” but she finds an impressive number of ways to say it without saying it in just a handful of lines. and:
she doesn’t touch cinder, but instead she offers, gives cinder a choice to take her hand or not, and this matters because no other character has ever given cinder that.
in 2.1 cinder touches roman’s face to assert her power over him; she does the same to pyrrha in 3.12 right before killing her; she slaps emerald in 3.7.
in 5.9, cinder reacts to watts grabbing her wrist like this—
—and then sets his hand on fire. in 8.1, emerald starts to run over to embrace her, cinder snaps her head around and snarls “quiet.,” stopping her in her tracks. and after she wakes up in midnight, when emerald rushes into the room and grabs her, cinder tenses and verbally lashes out before jerking her hand away.
cinder really does not like to be touched and that all traces back to:
rhodes patting her head. which is what he’s reaching down for when cinder kills him, because this time she senses him moving to touch her and can’t take it.
cinder bristles and retaliates whenever anyone touches her, and outside of grappling during fights the only times cinder ever touches other people is to hurt them or to remind them of her power to hurt them, because that is what touch means to her; it’s something those with power do to those beneath them, and something the weak must endure.
for salem to offer her hand to help cinder up is strange and unsettling; it breaks the rules. and cinder is very hesitant to take it—her fingers shake—but she does, and it isn’t a trick, salem pulls her to her feet without hurting her.
whereupon cinder’s whole demeanor transforms from terrified incredulity to calculation. she doesn’t understand what just happened, but she knows touch is an instrument of coercion and a way to inflict pain. if salem were like the madame, she would not have done any of that; if salem didn’t touch her with the intent to harm her, then there are only two possibilities:
one, that salem’s resemblance to the madame is superficial and she is actually much more like rhodes; or two, that salem is the weak one and cinder holds some unknown degree of power over her.
the instant this thought enters cinder’s head, it becomes urgently important to figure out which it is, hence the murdering of colleagues and stepsisters and lying to salem’s face that cinder gets up to immediately afterward. BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT THIS IS A POST ABOUT THE GRIMM ARM. AND THEMES.
wheeze. okay
in the glass unicorn, cinder has two parental figures—the madame and rhodes—who act in synchronicity to keep her in her place. shock collar, pat on the head. stick, carrot. she is tortured and made to refract this violence inwards, against herself, by turning the other cheek. within this narrative, the symbolic purpose of the grimm is to protect cinder and cinder herself is symbolically identified as grimm; just as black glass is her signature in in the present, the white glass of the hotel’s grimm figurines reflects cinder’s starkly white-and-grey uniform.
glass, cinder. glass grimm, glass shoes.
unicorns, classically, are said to be ferociously wild and dangerous beasts tamable only by the touch of a maiden. those who hunt unicorns, then, should solicit a maiden’s assistance. she goes out into the woods alone; the unicorn finds her and docilely, fearlessly lays its head upon her lap and goes to sleep; and thus the hunters take it. this manner of hunting unicorns is called entrapment, and among medieval and renaissance depictions of unicorns it is by far the most common motif.
in the world of remnant, if unicorns are real then they are undoubtedly a kind of grimm.
gestures at cinder, the fall maiden, who can tame the grimm. who feels for them. maiden. unicorn. maiden. unicorn.
the story of the glass unicorn is a story about a maiden-monster whom a huntsman instructs to tame herself lest she be hunted forever; an entrapment of the self; in the end she hears the baying of hunting dogs in the distance and awakens to the truth that she too will be killed, in spirit if not in body, if she obeys the huntsman. the unicorn is not to blame, and the maiden is right to protect it, and the unicorn is, has always been, grimm.
bearing all of this in mind,
is the grimm arm another collar?
i don’t think it…is, actually, in any sense except that cinder forms an association between the madame and salem in 8.1—the collar and the arm are diametric opposites, mirror-images of each other:
where the collar was fragile and easily removed, the grimm arm is part of cinder’s body. where the collar derived all its power from pretense (it’s only a pretty necklace!), the grimm arm is impossible to mistake for something other than what it is. where the collar’s sole purpose was to inflict pain and remind cinder of her place, the foremost purpose of the arm is to replace cinder’s missing limb. where the collar was forced upon her and she hated it, cinder trained hard to master her new arm and has grown more comfortable with it in every new volume.
paired with the way grimm function symbolically within the glass unicorn narrative, as representations of cinder’s justified anger and desire to protect herself… well. maiden, unicorn. lol
is it then an iteration of the gentle hand? that’s a more interesting question, because salem’s abuse of cinder is really quite a lot more like rhodes than the madame, but then there’s also… the reversal. rhodes’ affection for cinder is restricted by his interest in protecting the madame, and when cinder disobeys him he attacks her presumably with the intent to arrest her for murder. whereas salem has repeatedly and increasingly rearranged her plans for cinder’s benefit, and when cinder disobeys her, she reconsiders her treatment of cinder and offers an apology.
and obviously—
—we have the way rhodes touches cinder’s head, which at best makes her tense up in discomfort and at worst scares her so much she kills him to make him stop, mirrored in the same episode by salem offering her hand and cinder choosing to take it.
salem is not by any stretch of the imagination good to cinder, but midnight places her in juxtaposition with the madame and rhodes in order to clarify the difference between salem and the parent-figures of cinder’s childhood. it’s salem who tells cinder that she isn’t nothing, that she deserves better, that she was right to become defiant when salem was cruel to her. it’s salem who gives cinder a choice to let salem touch her or not.
everyone who gets where the wind is blowing with cinder understands, because it is obvious, that her turnaround is going to be incited by someone showing her mercy, which will shatter her view of the world and open a door for her to change. but… that “someone” is salem. it is literally already happening.
the first crack is salem telling her you deserve so much more than i’ve given you, as she pulls cinder to her feet.
and cinder doesn’t know how to parse that, she has no frame of reference except the madame and rhodes and she’s superimposed them both onto salem; the discrepancies, the pieces that don’t fit, are small right now. they will get larger, and the cracks will keep widening until the looking glass breaks.
which is why the grimm arm is related to the collar in the specific way that it is, with cinder flashing back to her childhood and the pain salem inflicts ending when cinder shifts emotionally from helpless fear to defiance and salem then explicitly affirming the rightness of cinder’s anger. the moral of the glass unicorn narrative according to rhodes is that what cinder did is unforgivable, and she will never escape it; the moral according to salem is that cinder did the right thing, and deserves better. the symbolic function of the grimm figurines in the glass unicorn narrative is to represent cinder’s self-protective anger. salem, grimm, uses cinder’s grimm arm to make a point that cinder should get angry when salem mistreats her, and then rewards her for being defiant.
is that a really fucked up way for salem to make that point YES OBVIOUSLY but no one else is even trying. lol
little steps.
(whispers into a cup) the grimm arm is also a metaphor for learning to be vulnerable and trust others not to harm you
cinder feels its pain. when it’s severed, it hurts, but also grows back. it’s both powerful (superbly strong, inhuman flexibility) and vulnerable (aura can’t protect it). salem can use it to hurt her; it connects them both together, so salem knows she’s alive and cinder knows when she’s back. it refused to bond with cinder until she let go of her fear and welcomed it.
the shattering trauma that made her what she is now was rhodes telling her that defending herself made her an irredeemable monster. the grimm figurines in her childhood story symbolize cinder’s desire to defend herself. the grimm arm is part of her body that connects her to salem in a way that salem can abuse to hurt her, but salem is also the first character to look cinder in the eye and tell her that she is right to defend herself. both cinder and salem are in the early stages of developing villain -> hero arcs.
your newfound strength brings with it a crippling weakness, salem says. remember that it comes with a cost. take care to protect yourself; there is only so much i can do to aid you. cinder wants to be strong, but she is terrified of weakness, and it is the terror of weakness that drives her, that must be faced, that must be resolved before she can find peace. her story isn’t about “learning to be satisfied with the power she already has” it’s about learning to be okay with being vulnerable. with having weaknesses.
like an arm she can’t shield with aura, that grows back when it’s severed, which she feared and then hid in discomfort and now accepts as a part of herself. just because salem can hurt her doesn’t mean that salem is incapable of choosing not to. salem could also, like, smash cinder into a gory pancake with a snap of her fingers.
it’s a story. about trust.
#blah blah blah ''but her shoulder—''#cinder doesn’t care.#v8 is HER volume and not one#single solitary HINT that cinder is#even a little bit concerned about#this thing putting up roots?#none of you would survive sirin hárohȧm lmfao
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
these are my thoughts
#will graham#fanart#art#my art#artists on tumblr#mads mikkelsen#trying to figure out how to draw his face#hannibal#hannibal nbc#hannibal lecter
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Here’s how monkey form MK can still win
#PLEASE it would be so funny if they made wukong reference a whole ass dragon ball scene. pleasee#wukong knowing about dragon ball in general and/or actively watching it. pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#also not me trying to figure out how to draw wukongs stupid hair for the 18385634th time. sigh#his face is so. it’s so hard for me to draw for no reason#I always draw characters with bangs or fluffy hair so naturally he is my worst drawing nightmare#lmk#Lego Monkie kid#Monkie kid#lmk mei#lmk MK#lmk xiaotian#lmk xiaojiao#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#doodles#lmk season 4 spoilers#lmk s4 spoilers
922 notes
·
View notes
Text
Atem hair practice
#yugioh fanart#yugioh#pharaoh atem#yugioh atem#pharaoh atem fanart#i’m trying to figure out how i wanna draw him#don’t pay too much attention to the outfit it’s a placeholder#lo’s art#my art#i really like how his face looks#literally chewing on him like a squinky#i haven’t drawn in so long that my art tag is scary cuz it’s all super old
149 notes
·
View notes
Text
the evil art style thing from twt
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#my art#THE AMOUNT OF PPL BRINGING UP EYELASHES#i think if i had to rate how long i draw each characters eye lashes it’d be childe and kaveh at the top#furi and venti w their canon kinda long eye lashes#and zhongli and scara at the very bottom with like 0.01 mm long lashes#and everyone else falls somewhere on this scale#anyway that was my eyelash TEDtalk#tldr; i only draw childes eyelashes so long bc originally when i was trying to figure out his face situation i was using gojo as reference
181 notes
·
View notes
Text
Old men hour
They are playing space tamagochi
#darthfett#vaderfett#darth vader#boba fett#first one started out as me trying to figure out how to draw vaders body#and then boba kinda just appeared i suppose#still struggling with the faces but thats okay#vader is a backseat gamer 100% cannon#he gets his hands on the tamagochi and tries to rewire it so it cant die but fucks up and burns it to the ground#poor boba is left sonless😔
220 notes
·
View notes
Text
garak!!!>:))
#garak#garak star trek#star trek#star trek deep space nine#star trek ds9#ds9#deep space nine#star trek fanart#garak fanart#purr art#first time drawing him and trying to figure out how to draw his face#its hard aaa#you can clearly see which of these were drawn while looking at reference and which one i tried to do from memory lmao#his profile is fun to draw tho
152 notes
·
View notes
Text
going back to my atime tumblr roots when i did screenshot redraws. from that one together again scene
#first art of 2024#i love doing sad expressions#trying to figure out how to convey the right type of pain in his face#just desperately misses his brother…#it pained me to draw this#adventure time#finn the human#my art
66 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just some sonic expressions and angles I did a while ago for study and practice.
#as you can see I am not dead#constantly trying to figure out how to draw Sonic#especially since I want to animate him but his face and quills kill me#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sonic fanart#sonic art#sonic the hedgehog art#my art#sth
159 notes
·
View notes
Text
trying a bit of a different style out bc i am so blocked rn so-- ive never done lineless before really but i think i kinda like it!!
#danny phantom#dp#danny phantom fanart#i think i finally figured out how i wanna draw danny woo#took fucking forever#also trying to add green to his face was so difficult#idk how much i like it tbh but hey i tried
21 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
raerae-the-potato
Untitled
lesbiandemondaddy
Too fast for freedom, sometimes it all falls down
horyu-ji
Spring on Jupiter
radghostz
Radghostz
brucel1966
Berliner