#truly it bothered me all day and then i saw myself in the mirror at the end of my shift and its just laughable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkyray · 9 days

Text

neighbor!chris x reader part 7

a/n; not text messages yet yall we're getting there, part 6 here

You

You watched him approach you, an expression on his face that told you everything you needed to know. He had forgotten about you, and remembered too late. That was your given conclusion the moment you saw him clutter onto the beach.

When you first went in the water, got carried away for half an hour in the water and came out, expecting him to be there, you didn't find him. You checked your phone to make sure if he had sent a message or something, he hadn't even opened your previous message asking if he was there. Hurt pooled up in your stomach, but a part of you wanted to reassure itself for the better. I threw your phone back to its spot on the towel-covered sand, your emotions quickly replacing itself with anger, and you went for another dive in the ocean.

Now you dried your legs, looking back onto your body as if you truly cared about getting yourself dry as Chris marched toward you. "Hey!" He jogged over, a nervous look on his face as he calculated your mood. "I know I'm late but we can still make time for—"

"I'm surprised you showed up at all." You interrupt, your tongue bittersweet in your mouth. "I was gonna come–I swear–but I just got so caught up with everything." Chris winces, knowing he'd have to try harder than that. You scan him up and down, he looked normal, like every other day he'd pass by your house or stalk past your window. "I'm sure you were, Chris." You sigh, slipping on your clothes over your bathing suit. You don't bother hiding the fact you were upset, but at the same time, you didn't quite show it. It drove him nuts.

"I'm sorry, I came as soon as I could–"

"Did you though?" You wonder out loud, getting ready to leave as he stood there, watching you. "This was the first time we actually wanted to hang out together, just want to point that out." You laugh a little.

You hear him ramble in your ear, and in all honesty, you tune him out, walking past him as he follows you behind like a dog. He gave every excuse he could think of, but truly, you hadn't heard a single word. "Look, Chris." You turn to face him after he trails behind you a little longer. "It's okay. I forgive you." You forgave him, shit happens, but that doesn't mean you weren't still salty about it.

"Really?" His eyes widened, like he didn't take you for the kind of girl to forgive so fast. You nod. "Yeah." But nothing in your tone seemed sincere, negative feelings started to erupt in Chris's stomach, and he couldn't quite decipher what they were. You watched him gulp.

"How about we come again? Tomorrow? This time we'll both be free with no work and, this time I could pick you up instead— Take you there myself." He plans out loud, and you audibly sigh. "I have work tomorrow, how about just take me home instead? That's all I want."

And that's what he did.

He took you to Matt's car, and you sat in the passenger seat as they drove you home in silence. Chris sat in the back with Nick as he kept glancing back at you, trying to make something out of your expression. You had a good poker face.

Nick kept studying the atmosphere of the energy that had appeared the moment you two had entered, and immediately knew there was negative tension. He gave Matt a look from the rear mirror, and they shared an understanding. Something was wrong.

You weren't dumb, you were aware that Chris kept bouncing his leg behind you in nervousness, you knew that he kept looking at you and burning holes into your skin, so did his brother that accompanied him in the back. Thankfully, they didn't decide to ask a single thing, keeping the talk small, short, and sweet. You had gotten close to all of them since you moved, but you knew you'd still have to go a long way before they were fully loose around you.

"Were the waves bad today? I've been wanting to go to the beaches here but never came around to doing it." Matt randomly asks as he makes a left. He really just wanted to squash down the awkward silence with anything, and Nick mentally applauded him for it. You took the hint and responded.

"They were huge, I almost drowned today but I thugged it out." You laugh at the memory that was only a few minutes ago, thankfully you were a strong swimmer. They took note of your light-hearted attempt at humor and ran with it, the attempt working completely. "Really? I thought the waves here were like, calm as fuck." Nick stated.

"I wouldn't know," You run a hand through your dampened sea-salted hair. "It was my first time going to the beaches here."

"We're actually still yet to go to them, a whale washed up on shore a few months ago and that kind of scared us off." Nick openly laughed at the irony of the reason, and you chuckled with him.

The rest of the car ride was dreadful for Chris, you engaged with all of his brothers in a conversation but him. He could help but feel bad—and jealous. He knew he had brought it on to himself, and he'd need to find a way to make it up, fast.

But now, he'd have to face a really loud conversation with his brothers, who decided to corner him as soon as they made it home.

-taglist-

@pepsiboyy @jetaimevous @luvr4miya @christopherscamopants @imwetforyourmom @mattssluttywaist @sturnsxplr-25 @flosslikeabosss @meg-sturniolo @stasiesturn @realuvrrr @always-reading @lovergirl4387 @sleepysturnss @milesfordays11 @nonat-111 @liagazed @freshloveforthefit @blueeyedbesson @h3arts4harry @hypnotizedsturn @sturnthepot

189 notes · View notes

genericpuff · 2 months

Note

Hey, found you on reddit long long ago and have since been a follower. I wanted to say thanks for all of your essays, for your advice about comics and creative work in general, and especially for the coherent thoughts on webtoon as a company... seeing you do LR and just BE outspoken about the experience of working on webcomics and being a professional artist, it gives lots of people hoping to go into the industry or do that sort of work (myself included) the courage to stand on our feet. I saw in real time that reddit post you analyzed in your last post, and I've made the (honestly pretty scary) decision to stop publishing my own comic on WT completely and abandon ship for a third party site. Still trying to decide which would be best. It sucks feeling like you're abandoning an entire audience, but the knowledge that your work will remain your own and on your own conditions... that's far more valuable at the end of the day. So thanks for the (accidental) help with that decision, and I'll do my part in spreading the word. I really enjoy lore rekindled, thank you for all your efforts and hope you're having a great day :>

Aw hey! It's always humbling to hear that people find strength in my crazy wordy essays LOL I don't particularly like saying 'you're welcome' with this sorta thing so I guess I'll say, no prob, glad I could help? 😆

I understand all too well that fear of 'abandonment'. I'm currently in the process of moving all of my work off WT as well, notifying my readers, all that fun stuff. I've considered using it just as a mirror site for the sake of trying to get audience members, but honestly, I've been using it as my primary site for nearly a decade with no luck so keeping it on the platform even just as a mirror just feels... I dunno, like I'd just be getting the same results regardless. Especially now with the site going in the direction that it is, and the fact that they're clearly moving towards AI, at best I don't want my work to be bringing in the site any more traffic (even if it's just a drop in the bucket) and at worst I don't want my work to get scraped by AI or some shit down the road LOL I often wonder why I've bothered putting up with Webtoons for so long, when I left Tapas over far less. I think it's just the fear of being a disappointment. But really the only person I should be most concerned of disappointing is myself - and I don't want to continue to disappoint myself by sticking it out with a platform that's getting worse by the day.

Something that's helped me reframe my perspective on the "loss" of Webtoons as a platform is just viewing it less as 'abandoning' and more like 'upgrading'- upgrading the environment in which I host my work, so that it can be in a place that works for my goals and stories rather than against them. It's like the golden rule of dealing with employers, if you're not getting adequate raises or proper treatment, then you leverage your skills and experience into a better position. Nothing is forever, including webcomic platforms. But change doesn't have to be a bad thing, so long as you can use it to your advantage somehow.

Take what you can of your audience with you. Encourage them to try new spaces. Turn the transition into a party, get people so excited for it that they'll feel like they're missing out if they don't hop on! Have confidence, even if you don't have everything figured out yet. The readers that truly love your work and want to read it will follow.

And worst case... send me a link to your comic sometime and I'll do what I can ;) I'll see you on the other side of wherever our work ends up (•̀ᴗ•́)و

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything #webtoon critical

46 notes · View notes

cubur · 1 year

Note

Excuse me, may I ask you a question?

I was really wondering how you are still friends with the artist named snow124? They are so talented and high amount of sasunarusasu community loves their art but once i saw their very rude and unsympathetic behavior because of my reposting their fan work on instagram, but that was one year ago. As far as i know you were friends with this artist even back then and i wonder if they've ever been rude to you? How you can still tolerate that person?

You can ignore my question if i caused you discomfort by my words

Hello there！ Hmmm ok I've been looking at your ask for a while and just thinking how to answer it… "should I answer in one sentence or the length of a novel?" And then I just thought i couldn't describe myself in one sentence. So here we go…

Warning！This is a long post, sorry.

First of all, I have a few things to say before answering your questions. And these things about me, if you don't mind. Okay so, I really have no idea what i look like through someone else's eyes, but i don't like to talk to people often in my real life. In most cases, creature called "human" acts only for its own benefit… This is purely my personal opinion and I won't say all, but 95% of people are like that even if they don't admit it. I don't like selfish, liars, two faced people. So can we say that I am as lonely as Sasuke? Yes I am. (I've already said that i feel close to Sasuke's character during the insta Q&A thing) but anyways… That's why there are very few people around me that I truly trust. And Snow is one of them.

Now coming back to your questions… Well…… Firstly i didn't like you calling her "the artist named snow124". I mean, what does that mean !? Many people in the sns community don't think of more than one person when Snow124 is mentioned, right (?) but everyone thinks of only one artist. So I would understand if you only say Snow124. (Just felt like you were trying to marginalize her or something, and this bothered me)！ Secondly, have you ever thought of turning the mirror at yourself before calling someone rude, unsympathetic, stupid, idiot etc? When there's a disagreement, do you really think it's always the other person's fault ? …You know what, I asked Snow first before answering your ask just because her name is mentioned here. And if she had said "don't answer", I wouldn't have answered. But why did I do that? After all, this is my ask box, my account, so why am i asking her? But actually the real question is, why do you post her artwork that she spends her hours maybe days on your own account without even asking her permission, while I get permission from her just because her name was mentioned in a question that came to me? Can you see the difference between these two examples i gave? Well, if you still can't see it, i'll explain in one word. This is "respect"！

Is that your commission? No. Is it your work? No. Is it your idea, design, collab or something? No. So then, who gave you the right to post someone else's work for just a few likes and followers? And what kind of reaction do you expect the artist to react to your disrespect towards their work? Think about it a little……

It's not the first time I've seen people call Snow rude. And maybe others are right in their own way but her attitude or words were never rude to me… I think it's wrong to expect everyone to give the same reaction when faced with a problem or something！For example; I'm not good at controlling myself emotionally …not that professional yet. On the other hand, I see that Snow is able to keep her emotional side more controlled and stronger than me. But do you think that means she's callous? I know many people don't even care about empathy. But just for once, have you ever thought about this repost issue from an artist's perspective? I don't know if you are aware but many artists even deleted their accounts for this reason！So you can't say you saw their rude (as you call it) behavior as if you were the only right side！

"I wonder if they've ever been rude to you? How you can still tolerate that person?"

Snow124 herself always says she's as cold as snow. Not rude but she is aware that she has a cold personality. So maybe "No." sounds very rude to you but it's just a simple no to her, you never know. And before I talk to someone, i try to get to know that person. I already knew she was like that, and frankly i like her critical attitude. She can see details that I can't see, but I take this as help, not rudeness (and this is one of the reasons i chose her as my teacher). I mean if someone likes rock music and says they hate pop, then I wouldn't try to get them to like pop music. Briefly, I accept that person as they are… Not with everyone but sometimes I talk so much that others even get a headache because of me …and from time to time Snow also (maybe forcibly) puts up with this side of me *im sorry* x) And she usually gives short answers to my boring novels but I never questioned that, or didn't think she was rude, or something. Do you know why? 'Cause she's not me, i'm not her. Maybe there are common tastes but one person is never 100% the same as another person. I never expected anything in return when i drew her a gift or a piece. When I care about someone or something i do it without expecting anything in return (this is also one of the reasons why i still keep drawing Naruto and Sasuke)

When it comes to "tolerate" thing… Hmm ok I don't understand exactly what you're talking about. I mean it's not about tolerating Snow, on the contrary she tolerates me at many points (and my silly jokes that aren't funny at all x)) Also yeah there are many things in my real life that I have to tolerate, so i just remember how i was able to calm my mind again thanks to my fanart accounts and some golden people here…

Also if I remember correctly, someone on insa said i was nicer than Snow for warning them before reporting their repost, just like you anon. But after that due to another report, someone else started sending abusive messages to my personal email address. Yes maybe i'm more patient about reposts than her, but not anymore！Everyone has a limit, please remember this！ And one last thing, you guys don't even realize when you're actually being rude by directly calling someone rude.

#believe it or not Snow is one of the most respectful and decent also kind hearted person I've ever seen #...but even she herself is not aware of it #just wish you guys could see this grumpy cat turn into a fluffy kitten from time to time #i'll probably disable anons again soon #and sorry again for my wall post...#text post

52 notes · View notes

arisewanekosuki · 1 year

Text

In another’s shoes | Chapter 2

(Genshin School AU x Fem! Reader)

previous | next

Despair. The only thing I feel now is despair, I can’t log to her PC without password. “That’s it, there’s no way I can even pretend to be someone who I don’t know at all! Maybe I should have pretend from the start, that I have some kind of amnesia but it’s too late.” - “No, I can’t just give up! There has to be something! Maybe a diary?!” I said loud and started to search through Lumine’s room, her notebooks, her desk, her wardrobe, under the bed. After like an hour later, I laid on the floor -“There’s nothing… completely nothing… that could give me any clues what kind of person she is or for passwords” this truly felt like the end. If I will behave different from her, her family will get worried and probably will send me to see with some doctors and then “Aaah I don’t even want to think about it!!” I groaned and rolled on ‘my’ stomach. The door opened suddenly, I jumped a little "That scared me..." In doorway stood Aether in school uniform. -“What are you doing?” he asked me -“…dying…” I replied, without looking at him -“What?!” he came to me closer and crouched down by my side “Is this something serious? What did the doctor say?” He started saying with a bit higher tone, I groaned and replied -“Nothing is wrong with me! I just don’t want talk with anyone! Please, leave me alone!” -„…” At first he didn’t said anything, then he petted ‘my’ head -“Alright, but remember if something bothers you, I’ll always be here to listen and help you.” After that he left ‘my’ room. -“…” He said that with such gentle tone that for moment I felt that it would be alright to tell him the truth. Now I understand why so many girls have crush on him. Lovely face and voice, his caring personality, isn't he just perfect? “Nooo! How I am suppose to live with such boy under the same roof! And the worst thing is that I am in his sister body!! Alright (y/n)! Don’t fall in love with him! At least not now! When I’ll come back to my body I can fall in love with whoever I want! Yes!” -“…” -“There are more serious things going on, that I should worry about than silly crushes…” I mumbled to myself. The rest of the day I spend avoiding Lumine’s family, I told her mom that I wasn’t feeling well and I ate dinner in ‘my’ room. Lumine’s phone was getting so many messages, mostly from that Ajax guy and some calls. I could pick up the calls but I decided against it, after all I don't know any of those callers and talking with them won't help me at all. Before I realized, the end of the day come. “What should I do?! I don’t want tomorrow to go to school! I’m not ready at all!!” I started to panic, while hugging the whale and cat plushies that I took from the desk. “Ok, if one of her friends approach me then I’ll just tell them that I’m not in the mood to talk! That’s should do!” that was the only thing I could come up at the moment, “I saw how Lumine with one look managed to make two tall guys silent, so I’ll just make a grumpy face and hope that many people won't approach me! Yes! It will be alright!“ after I calmed down, I closed my eyes, hoping that all of this is just a dream and soon I’ll wake up in my own bed. -„Lumine! Wake up!” I opened 'my' eyes and saw an angel again, I got up quickly looking at my hands and then where the mirror was standing. „Crap, this wasn’t a nightmare in the end.” Aether was standing by bed with disappointed written on his face. -“Did you plan to skip school today? Why didn’t you turn on your alarm? Never mind, I will go first, your breakfast is on the table with your lunch, don’t forget to take it” and after that, he left the room. I looked at time. -“Oh no!” I got up getting ready for school, when I got dressed I couldn’t help but look at ‘my’ reflection “Wow Lumine is really pretty… that should be illegal to be that pretty without even trying! No, wait, I don’t have time for that!” I quickly went down stairs to the kitchen and eat again cold breakfast. After that I got ‘my’ shoes, took ‘my’ backpack and went towards school -“A~a~a-! Why Aether didn’t wait for me? I thought they are always going to school together!” I mumbled to myself. -„Wait maybe that’s better, less talking with him then less chances he’ll realize that something is wrong with Lumine!” I said to myself a bit too loud. When I reached the school, I went to my locker. -“Good morning Lumine! Hm? What are you doing?” the girl with dark brown hair, two fluffy pigtails and amber eyes approached me, I looked at the locker and realized that it is MINE. -“A-Ahahaha! You see… I was.. um..” I started speak but I couldn’t find any words to explain why did Lumine opened some other person locker. “Where is even Lumine’s locker anyway?!” The girl looked with worry on her face. -“Are you feeling alright? I heard that you got hit in the head pretty hard... don’t tell me, you forgot where is you locker?!” I was so stunned that I didn’t know if I should go with what she said or come up with something else -“Yeah! For some reason I thought it was my locker haha” I laughed awkwardly, she took ‘my’ hand and showed where is Lumine’s locker, I thanked her and then process to change ‘my’ shoes to school ones. Not knowing, what to say else to the helpful girl, I just started going toward my first class. -“Oi where are you going? Today we start with biology!” the girl said, catching ‘my’ wrist. -“Oya? What’s going on?” another girl with long dark brown pigtails and scarlet eyes with very interesting shaped pupils came to us. -“Hey Tao, it seems that she did really forget some stuff after that hit, like you said!” the girl named ‘Tao’ looked at me and started laughing. -“Oh Lumine! You should respond to my message, if you really wanted to go with this prank!” -“Prank?” I said at the same time with the girl by my side and then we looked at each other. -“Ah yes prank! I thought it will be fun! How could you ruin it?” I quickly responded looking at ‘Tao’. „I thought I’m done, but thanks to that girl I could pretend that it was prank! Agh, I really have to find a way to unlock Lumine’s phone!” -“Sorry, sorry! But we still can prank other people! Xinyan, just don’t tell others okay?” Tao smiled mischievously toward ‘Xinyan’. „Wait, I was suppose to avoid people, not prank them!” -“W-wait, if I think about it, I won’t be able to continue this prank, you see-“ -“ Princeeeeess!” someone hugged me from behind -“Eek?!” I made a weird sound “Wait, this seems familiar…” - “Why did you ignore me?! Did you know how sad it made me?!” I tried to release from this guy grip but he didn't wanted let me go. -“Oya oya~ It seems our love birds had some argument with each other~” Tao laughed. -“Childe, let her go, she seems to not be in mood for that!” Xinyan tried to push him away from me. The ‘Childe’ guy finally released me and I turned around to notice that it’s the same guy Lumine was with on lunch break back then. He pouted and looked at me. -“Aether said that you went to hospital yesterday, are sure you’re alright?” he asked. “Maybe I should teach that Oni a lesson…” after that he mumbled under his nose. “Wait, what did he just say?!” -“Um.. I’m fine. I’m just… I’m just not in mood to play around, so please excuse me I don’t want to be late for class!” I said, I made angry face and hoped they will leave me alone for today. I saw them looking at each other in surprise, before they would try to engage me in their conversation again, I went to biology class. “That was terrible, I was suppose to avoid interacting too much with her friends and now!...Let’s hope they just think that Lumine has a bad day.” After reaching the class, I realized that I don’t even know where is her seat. “Great, should I just wait for everyone to get in class or take a random seat? And this is just biology class, I’ll have to find her seat again in her homeroom…” At this moment I felt that I would love to go back home and pretend to not exist. “This is going to be embarrassing if it’s not my seat.” I chose a random table, hoping that’s the one. -„My liege, I think you took my place,” I looked up to see a boy with golden-amber eyes and dark navy blue hair “but if you like this one that much I could let you sit here today” he smiled mischievously “or would you like to sit here on my lap?” -“What?!” -„What are you saying Xingqiu?! You two can’t sit like that in the class!” the boy with light blue hair approached us. -“My dear friend, I was just jesting, our dear Lumine planned to prank us, so I wanted to tease her a little as payback” he said still looking at me with this smile. -“Prank us? What are you talking about?” said ‘Xingqiu's’ friend. -“Oh, she wanted to pretend to not remember anything, isn’t that right Lumine?” -“I…am…a..” I started to feel nervous again, not knowing what to say, wondering whether I should go with the ‘prank’ or not. - “A… bunny…” there was a silence between us. „Why did I said that?! Noo, not this again!” -„A bunny?” the boy who’s name I still don’t know asked. I got up from the seat and run from the classroom toward toilet. “This is the worst! There is no way for me to pretend to be her in front of her classmates! This Xingqiu took me by surprise that I lost my cool!!” I went to the cabin and closed the door, sitting on toilet with hands on ‘my’ face. “What should I do?! I don’t want to go to classroom! Should I just skip the school?? But Aether will know! And I can’t came up with any excuse that wouldn't make me more suspicious!” -“Lumine? Are you here?” I heard some girl calling out. I know right now, if I say anything, I'll make things worse, so I pretended that I’m not here. I heard footsteps approaching toilet cabin I was hiding in and then knocking on the door. -“Lumine?” They called again then there was silence. I held my breath “Please, just go away.” After some seconds I heard them going to the door. When I knew nobody is in toilet, I sighed. “Yes, good job (y/n), I’m sure nobody will think that Lumine lost her mind…”

Some time passed and I didn’t move from my spot. “How long am I sitting here? I think there is 10 minutes till the end of first class…” I sighed, wishing this is a bad dream and that I’ll wake up soon. “Good that I took backpack with me here... then maybe I should go to school nurse and say I’m not feeling well, so I could go home? Will she even let me go home?” I got out of the cabin and come to sink, looking at ‘myself’ in the mirror, I felt horrible but in reflection I could only see unhappy, lovely looking blond girl with fiery-gold eyes that’s not me. “Swapping bodies shouldn’t be possible. Can I even call it like that? I’m not even sure if Lumine is in my body, what if she… no, stop thinking like that.” I slapped ‘my’ cheeks with both 'my' hands. “Get yourself together! This is Lumine body! I can’t make any more problems to her! There must be some explanation why this happened! For now try to not panic. Just think about solution how to come back to my body! Even if I make some mistakes with her friends, she will somehow handle this when she’s back!” Trying to encourage myself, I went from toilet to classroom. “After school I should see if I can find anything about body swap on internet, probably I won’t find anything useful but who knows? Ah I can’t use Lumine’s computer nor phone, so I have to go to library…. But using school library will be risky, so I need to go to library in city…” When I was wondering on my next actions, I already approached the class where we have biology. I opened the door, everyone was looking at me. I never liked being at the center of attention, especially of whole class, I started to feel a bit sick in the stomach from nervousness. The teacher looked from the board at me, opening the mouth to say something -“I’m sorry, I wasn't feeling well…” I said before him. “But I’m feeling alright now!” I added quickly. -„I see, sit down, after class ask someone to give you notes, today's subject is going to be on test in the next week” the teacher said, continuing writing something on board. -“O-of course!” I went to the only available chair “Alright, so this is Lumine’s desk, got it. But I'll still need to learn where she sits in her homeroom... Well, it seems I’ll have to be late for next class. This way should be easier than...what I have I done before...” Sitting down, I took notebook from backpack, ignoring stares of some people. When class ended, Xinyan, Tao and some other girl I name don’t know approached me. -“What was that, Lumine? You ran from this class like your life depended on it!” said Tao, with shocked face. -“I was calling you in the restroom but you didn’t responded, I was really worried you know!” the girl with dark blue hair and golden eyes said, making sad face. -”I… I’m sorry, I suddenly wasn’t feeling well, I think I ate something bad yesterday haha” I was trying to sound convincing but the girls just looked at each other exchanging stares. -“Well if you say so… If you still feeling unwell maybe go see nurse?” Xinyan said, patting ‘me’ on the shoulder. -“No, no! I’m fine now! Really, I’ll just take it easy but I don’t want to miss anymore classes!” -“Ah! Here! You can copy my notes! You can give me back my notebook tomorrow! Also I don’t know if you saw it but I already sent you notes from yesterday classes!” Tao put Her notebook on ‘my’ desk. -„I didn't saw it yet but thank you very much!” I smiled to her. The girls still looked at me, deep in thoughts. I started to feel nervous. "Did I said something wrong?" I didn’t know what they’re thinking, but suddenly Tao smiled. -“Alright! Lumine needs some time! And I need some help from you two!” she took Xinyan and another girl wrists and started going towards door. -“Eh? Wait! Where are we going? O-Oi! Tao!” Xinyan screamed but girl with long dark brown pigtails ignored her and they left class. -‘…’ I realized the girls went somewhere and I don't know where is their homeroom. "Agh I should have go with Yoimiya more often on breaks and not stay in the classroom..." Thankfully there were still two other people in room, they seems to go where the next class will be, so I followed after them. I finally learned where is Lumine's homeroom. There was still time for the next lesson to start, so I found quiet place and started to copy Tao’s notes. After writing some sentences I realized something. -“Oh no…” I said under my nose. “My and Lumine's writing styles are completely different! It looks like someone else wrote in her notebook!” I closed the notebook. This was just first lesson and I already had enough “This is going to be long day.” ----- Thank you so much for reading until end. Like always sorry for any mistakes. I just wanted to clarify something: I got two drawings from friend for this story and you can see Reader in them but you can imagine reader looking as whatever you want! I'm not going to describe the appearance so everyone can imagine themselves/their OC/etc. as her. Also, this is Modern AU but I decided to leave some characters to still have ears/tails like Tighnari, Gorou or Itto to be still an Oni. I just can't imagine especially Tighnari without his fluffy ears ;v;”

41 notes · View notes

b3mym1stake · 5 months

Text

A very serious the 1975 fanfiction.

This is.... interesting.... so um please dont take it seriously. There is nothing weird or nsfw about this. Just your average cringy 2014 style fanfiction.

PLEASE IGNORE ANY SPELLING OR PUNCTUATION MISTAKES I WROTE THIS AT THREE AM.

During the night, i was sleeping peacefully in my king sized bed, but in the morning, my mothers harsh and shallow voice awakened me. "Wake up you waste of space" she screamed. It didnt bother me. i have been allowing it to happen for years, me letting her treat me like shit i mean. It doesnt hurt me anymore. I get up and i go to the bathroom to wash up. As i stare into the mirror i notice all the imperfections in my skin. The deep gash of my forehead from when i had a huge pimple and just couldnt leave it alone, the multiple scars on my nose from peeling my skin too much in the summer when i got sunburned, the millia under my eye that is very permanently injured and scarred from when i was 12 and thought it was a pimple... Im so different than all the other girls... They all have glass skin and look like if Serena Van der Woodsen and Taylor Swift had a lovechild that was raised by Blair Waldorf. Yet here i was, imperfect and unloved, still feeling happy about who i was.

After i was done with all that daily philosophical thinking, i threw my long, blonde hair in a messy bun, wore my favourite band t-shirt, my "the 1975" muscle tank. I bought it after i saw taylor swift wearing it even though i absolutely love the 1975. I wear a pair of boho themed patterned leggings, and my high top uggs. I gaze into my shining blue orbs in the mirror and decide that today will be a day where i actually wear a bit of makeup. Unlike other girls, i dont need to wear makeup to feel pretty, i have found a source of happiness very deep in me that no one can ever truly take away.

"Autumn Raine!!!!! Come down RIGHT NOW!!!" My mother screamed from downstairs. I sighed, breathing away all those thoughts that had occured to me while i was zoning out while looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Cominggg!!" i said back, my voice soft and feminine. As i walked down the stairs, i saw four men sitting on our couch. For a second i thought my mom was making me go to casting for a COMPLEEEEETELY different thing, but then i remembered, im still her daughter and she probably wouldnt want that to happen right in front of her. However, after a close inspection, i figured out who the four unknown men sitting on our couch were, and how they werent so unknown after all....

"Matty, Adam, George and Ross?!?!?!" I say in surprise. "What the actual hell is the 1975 doing on my couch??" I think. "We are here for a very special reason, George says, his voice thick and coarse. He doesnt talk much but i bet that when he does, people listen. "We are here for you, actually" The small one says, his voice somehow both high and low pitched at the same time, "Im Matty, Matty Healy." He states and extends his hand for me to shake. "I know.. heh" I answer back shyly and shake his hand. He gives me a smile. "Your mother contacted us and said you guys were running low on money and that she needed to get rid of you asap" Adam continues, his voice more deeper than i expected based on how thin and zesty he looks. "Why would you pick me?" i asked, geniuenly wondering. "well," George says, his voice cold and mysterious, "it is quite a long story, according to our research, you are...." he stops abruptly. "i am what? Come on you cant just stop in the middle of that" i shout. "My sister." He states and looks to the side as if he is trying to hide his face. "Oh." i say, as it is all i manage to get out of me. "Am i seriously directly related to my favourite band?!?!?" I think, but it doesnt take long before my train of thought gets interrupted by George again. "My paren-" He stops. "Our parents, they couldnt afford to have another kid after they had me." He starts explaining. "Mom didnt have another option than to give birth to you, then give you away.. So thats exactly what she did." He sighs. "So, my- my- my mother is-is-is not my- my- my actual mom?" I say and my voice come out sounding more sad than how im actually feeling. "No, honey" My mom says. "Dont you "Honey" me, you have never been nice to me in my life. Now suddenly youre all nice and loving. Youre so fake" I say. My mom stands up, and raises her hand as if shes going to slap me. I close my eyes and prepare for the slap. Sure, ive been slapped by her before, but never infront of guests. Especially infront of actually important people. I brace myself for the slap, but the slap never came. Instead, i open my eyes and see.... a back? Its a weird pattern of a colorful floral thin button up shirt. (See picture for exact pattern hehe see what i did there lol)

"You will not touch our property." a voice said, that i later realised to be Matty. (writers note: that single line took me ten minutes to write because its so cringe i physically couldnt bring myself to write it) "Oh- so sorry." said my mother. I gave her a snyde look that i just knew annoyed her so much. Matty turned around, "Are you okay love?" He said. "Oh- oh um yeah its alright." I said and giggled. "Shall we go?" Ross suggested and slowly, all of them got up from the couch. "Wait," i said, worryingly "I havent even packed my stuff yet. i didnt know i would be getting out of here permanently." I say, pleading for some time to pack. "Okay go on," Matty said, "We need to have a chat with your mother." I nod. As im going up to my room, i hear Matty and George talking to my mom about how shes never gonna be able to contact me again and how no matter how badly she needs money she should never try to contact me or any of them for any reason. I went up to my room and started packing. "All those band shirts...." I thought. There was no way i would fit all of them in my duffel bag. I just took my all-time favourites. The 1975, Halsey (ironic i know), Arctic monkeys, Marina and the diamonds, taylor swift, the strokes, G-easy, and finally, The Neighbourhood. I grabbed my big pile of skinny jeans and urban outfitters jewellery, a couple of my cds from my collection, and any sort of actually valuable merch i had. I ran down the stairs, i tripped, and started rolling down the stairs, when i felt a pair of arms catch me. "Woah there!" Matty said, and gave me a side smile. (this just took 10 years off my lifespan). I smiled shyly. "Im so clumsy." I complains. "Me too" Says Matty and gives me a wink. I blush. "Shall we go?" Says Ross. "Of course." I reply. "Dont you want to say goodbye to your mother?" He asks. "Shes not my mother, and no, not really." I say and give her a sneaky look and smile. She looked furious. i didnt care. i was way past that now that i discovered that my all time favourite people loved me too, nothing mattered anymore.

And thats how my story with the 1975 started...

Ending thoughts: i swaer to god this thing just took 20 years off my lifespan i have never physically cringed so hard while doing something. Some parts took me like half an hour to finish because i couldnt bring myself to actually write what i had in my mind. but hope i made lots of people cringe. Anyways, lots of love, gooooooodbyeeeee.

#matty healy #the 1975 #what am i doing #this is a joke #funny shit #absolutely unbelievable #i cant #someone help #send help #taylor swift #halsey #lorde #marina and the diamonds

3 notes · View notes

ipromiseimawriter · 7 months

Text

i think i will talk about it actually??

sparing a few minutes, for the hearts of the narrative (the most unconditional love i've ever known):

my friends helped save my life. whether it's people i see/talk to almost every week, or people i haven't spoken to in years, that idea of being chosen just because has brought me the greatest joys of my twenty-seven years. i come from a place that - while not without love - comes with a lot of conditions, comes with an all-seeing all-scrutinizing eye that has not relented since i was a child. (it comes with knowing that i was in a terrible place for years, and there's almost nothing i could have done myself to change that.)

as i get older, against all odds. as i unearth myself from the grave i tripped in years ago. as i look in the mirror and see myself come back to life. i find that many of the people who were 'supposed' to love me do not like what that looks like (or sounds like, feels like, experiences life like). it's always kind of been that way. i just assumed before that i would get over it someday, be happy playing the part i was given.

but that's never going to make me happy. even now as i play along, follow the steps because "[she] couldn't have made it on her own" , there is something emerging. something that i have not felt in so long. or perhaps this is the first time, where i am finally seeing myself for what and who i truly am.

and it is because of the loving hands, of the kind eyes and compassionate words, of those friends (of that chosen family, really) that i am still alive (all these years later, after staring death in the face over and over, all the way to staring over that same river and going "maybe it would work this time if i didn't back down"). if i didn't know that someone would catch me, in the end. because even at the bottom of the bottle, the despair of despairs, someone would still pick up the phone. someone would still hold me and didn't question the tears in my eyes. someone would still check in, ask me if i've eaten or had water, send me a silly video in hopes of lifting my spirits.

they have made me a better person. all of this has made me someone who wants to try, because how else am i going to be there for the people i love if i don't put some real effort into keeping myself here? while i cannot say that this exact method of thought works for everyone (and it would probably be unwise to do so), it hit me like a train one day. that oh! i want to be here, and i want to be there for the people who love me. i want to love them with everything i've got, and make sure they don't have to doubt that.

i have grown more discerning, to who i give myself away to. too many years of bleeding myself out, i think. i hemorrhaged. i was almost as good as dead, like i had wanted to be anyway. and i kept asking myself, who would want this? who would bother to keep me around?

( "my family", i reminded myself. i know how much i hurt my mother. how i devastated my sister. how even my father saw me differently. how my grandmother and i held each other in the throes of our shared despair. how i had to promise myself that i would never make my grandparents bury me.

but even all of that comes with a terrible weight.

i still worry that there will come a day where they will not want me anymore. i am not the daughter they know. the shape my parents molded for me has not fit me in over a decade. it never will, ever again. my sister knows. has kept her promise of secrecy until i am ready. but even she knows that this is a terrible weight.

what a weight. to risk being unloved for good. to accept their fractured love, to keep myself smaller and more digestible, to keep myself safe for a little longer. )

then, a funny thing happened:

my friends kept me anyway.

not everyone, not by any means. i shut people out on purpose, pushed them away in droves, how could i expect them to understand that it was all a cry for help? one i didn't even really get. but my god, they held on, and we held on. and next thing i knew, the worst stretch of my life was ending.

and you remember the look on your friends' faces when they insisted that we're tired too. we really don't have to keep going - it's okay. and you remember that the only people who have given you permission to exist are your best friends and your grandmother. //... you bought those tickets because you love your friends and you want them to have an experience they'll remember. they pay you back in any way they can. it's more than you've gotten in a long time. (february 2023, unpublished draft)

and god. the things i could say about these people, i wouldn't know where to start. their unabashed love for what they enjoy. the way they handle one another with care and understanding; even if they have not been shown that compassion, even if things fuck up and fall apart, even if the world is too cruel to bear, there is so much care. they are clever and funny and impossibly quick to the punch (sometimes to the point where i can't keep myself upright). they are courageous even when they might doubt themselves. they are thoughtful, curious, never willing to take the world at face-value when there is so much to discover.

my friends are artists and poets, performers and observers, craftsmen and analysts, more beyond that even, and they are brilliant. whether i have known them since early childhood, or from the past few years, or somewhere in between -- my life is so full of color because of them. i could sing their praises until the end of my days, and i think i will to be honest. i am tired of stifling my love. it is so loud.

one of my dear friends back in new york taught herself self-compassion through writing and performing a one-woman show; it was the most transformative experience i've ever had the pleasure of witnessing, just by being her dramaturg from thousands of miles away. it reminded me of everything i have gotten to see and understand in all these people, just by waking up. i have gotten to celebrate in their joys, mourn their losses, shake out a battle cry at all that has tried to keep them down. there is so much i wish i could fix for them, but i know that is far out of my control. so i will do what i can. i will be there, with a torch, one foot in front of the other through night.

did you know my friends are writing books, that people will read someday, and feel changed by? did you know my friends are making art of all kinds and sharing it with the world, or just with one another? did you know they're trying their fucking hardest to support themselves through an impossible world? that they have more people to love, who get to experience them too? that they have dreams to chase and hopes to protect? did you???

( to be honest, you probably did, even if not directly.

it's such a cool fucking thing. a beautiful thing. to see how people love each other so earnestly. we do that by choice. we choose love on purpose. that alone has kept me on tumblr this long, to see how that love resounds even with people i've never talked to. )

and there are people i still need to do better by. family, friends, anyone who's lingered on the fringes. there are crossroads i must figure out how to go down, if certain directions will put me in danger or if i am simply too afraid to try again.

but i am here to love. i am here to do it scared, again and again, even after getting hurt enough to give up (for good, almost).

they saved my life by reminding me that i was worth the pain of saving myself. and god, i am going to be grateful for the rest of my life. one -- with hope and effort -- longer than i ever expected.

and obviously: if and/or when y'all read this, thank you. even all this isn't enough.

#personal #after hours journal #cw suicide #cw transphobia #(briefly)#it really is a piece about like - hope. and love. so much love.#but pls do not put yourself in a bad space to listen to me ramble #pls don't rb #(unless we're - mutuals? friends???)#(or ig if you've got a Reason feel free to come talk to me)

2 notes · View notes

kismetkween · 2 months

Text

Selfie victim

There is a thing you can use called a "true mirror" or something to that effect. I saw it in a tik Tok video like 1 year ago. I was completely miserable and scrolling while sedated. I saw a video in which a woman in her early 20's was stopped at a new year's party by two men. They were seemingly harmless, and she was bubbly and intuitive, a harmless interaction.

He shows her to a trifold mirror. She has a soft black complexion with short curly hair, she has glittery makeup, black and gold. She has small straight white teeth behind shapely 2 toned lips with dimples on either side. A true, effortless beauty.

She quickly looks at the mirror and a range of emotions play on her face, she is confused by the interaction, then at the mirror in front of her, she realizes what she is seeing as the man explains to her, she is seeing a real image. She is used to seeing herself inverted on a selfie cam or in a mirror and the device in front of her allows her, to see herself, the way others see her.

Her smile and eyes light up, such a slow natural progression like she is seeing it as he explains it and she has the most beautiful smile ever. She radiates warmth and joy, and it truly was amazing to watch her realize this.

I believe I watched it like 2 or 3 times as one does for details and while strolling through the comments. The general consensus being "how beautiful she is, how many other people want to try, how much joy this experience brought her, you can do this with an inverted selfie, and I for no reason other than cynicism, commented "she will think about this every time she looks in the mirror and will never get the same satisfaction."

I saved it so I could, never reference it again and moved on. But she looked so genuinely happy and gorgeous that I thought about it several times the week following.

I don't know why I was thinking about this and looking in the mirror one day, miserable as ever, and decided to try the inverted selfie referenced in the comments. It was the worst thing I had ever done.

I had jaw surgery when I was 17 that considerably changed my face, I was also going through a period of excessive weight loss and the asymmetry was staggering. I could not look at myself in a regular mirror and now this inverted selfie nonsense was ruining my life. Not only is that what I really look like. That is how others see me.

One side low, one side high, not a single feature above my center, top lip was the same on either side. One almond eye, one round eye, one arched brow, one standard brow. Sagged undereye, highlighted under eye. The orbital socket on one side shaped like a lower case "g" on one side and a perfect round "o" on the other.

The nose was belled down with the panels that came off the side. I always looked as though I was wearing glasses over foundation and then took them off to reveal these highlighted patches on the side of my nose. I literally looked like Quasimodo.

When I was younger, I was obsessed with this chicken pox scar I had above one side of my lip and the asymmetry it caused. Now I always looked mid stroke. I am not being dramatic, I saw this. No one would be honest with me.

This was fine, but I had more evidence. When AI photos first came out, there was a trend in which you would submit a handful of photos and an AI program would generate art and animations with you in a variety of situations or generally reimagined. There was on 16th century painting generation I loved. I feel like it captured how I felt I looked and best of all it captured and recreated the severe difference in the two sides of my face. Different pupil sizes, eye shapes, jaw shapes, everything.

I continued to ignore it, but I knew it was there, I could feel it when people looked at me. I knew what they were seeing was not what I prepared in the mirror before I left.

All of 2023 this bothered me. I would occasionally checked in with new selfies and the more weight I lost, the worse it looked. Not to mention all the sagging skin all over my body.

Towards the end of 2023 it got worse. Before, there were days and sometimes weeks I could go without thinking about it. Or even better sometimes I could think about it and just accept it and not obsess. Now though? I would sit in the room with a person I loved and trusted and make them look me in the face and I grilled them. I made them look at my face and when they kept denying the difference, I would show them the pictures and they said they could not see it.

I would draw hash marks on my selfies and draw lines connecting like a graph or equation. I would show the missing spots or measurements and still nothing.

I believed them sometimes. Sometimes, I caved and could tell they were laughing it off because they felt trapped or uncomfortable.

In February of 2024 I started taking inverted selfies of my face and flipping them around every day. I started to look for things I could change. I started breaking it down into features.

What could I do to make my face more symmetrical? Where to start? Eyebrows, this had been an ongoing battle since I was younger. I started to look into permanent options to resolve the issue. I decided to have them micro bladed. Microblading is a procedure in which they take a blade and tattoo individual hairstrokes onto your brows. They create a shape and fill it in and now even newer methods they will use a soft "powder" to fill the spaces in between and make them look hyper realistic.

March 8th, I met the woman and explained to her very plainly "I am aware my eyes are 2 different shapes", " I am aware that I am dysmorphic " and "I know full well Symmetrical brows are not going to 'fix' my face nor is it their job to but I am kind of counting on them to tie the top half of my face together just a bit." She understood and I was a bit in shock when I left, they were bolder and darker and more solid than I had ever seen them. There was no washing them off or anything, they were just there. After a few days I loved them, but they did not accomplish what I expected them to.

Turns out, eyebrows cannot fix an issue deep down inside of you. But I do have new eyebrows and I like them quite a bit. It has been 3 weeks and in another 4 weeks I have an appointment to have them touched up. At the moment I want one or 2 spaces filled, I want the top line to be a little cleaner and I want to show her the photo, asymmetry issues/ photos and see if she has any feedback. I have very realistic expectations that relate only to my eyebrows.

The past few days however, each time I leave the house and I am in the sun for more than 3 minutes, my face breaks out in a red puffy rash. A "butterfly rash" or a "mylar rash." I have to take photos of this for my doctor and the best way to do it is to get high definition photos of my face from the rear camera of my phone. I was not prepared for that.

All day today I have taken photos of my face and compared them to the inversion tool I have frantically messaged my brother begging him to tell me the truth.

I don't understand that some people would rather be told they are beautiful even if they have a full understanding of what they look like. Rather than being told the truth. What if you had a conspiracy theory or puzzle, or mystery that plagued and vexed you every single day, only ANY SINGLE PERSON could solve it for you, the only payment for this effortless morsal of truth is to accept the fact that you are not conventionally attractive and hear it from another person. That is okay because you don't really but too much into being conventionally attractive and you already suspect you are ugly. You are willing to pay the price over a million times every day BUT everyone is playing a game. The game is a little pageant game we all play every day because madness is somehow better than bad manners.

Don't worry, today I have decided to take the facial metric. A "facial harmony test" It says it is to "identify problem areas, much like a clinician such as a dermatologist or aesthetician would in person, and transfer that ability to the assistance of a computer to pick-up on things they may either miss, or not even know about"

One review said” I was intrigued. The tool had broken my appearance down into a list of bite-size issues—a laser trained on what it thought was wrong with my appearance."

In my next post I will share and digest these results and go over how they aid or worsen my dysmorphia.

I wanted to come back and share that the analysis tool is down BUT after reflecting and being realistic I am going to finish my brows, then do filler under my eyes, Botox in my brow muscle to relax it, filler in one of my eyelids and the side of my jaw to balance. I want to have the fat sucked out of these panels on my nose. Then I will determine if I still need a nose job. I also want to get my hairline balanced by my brow lady. I know it seems like a lot, but it is comprehensive. I also need to resurface my skin and continuously lose weight.

https://kismetkweenx.wordpress.com/about/

0 notes

enbycatboygf · 2 months

Text

My Journey over the last 2 years

Hey everyone, kind of a heavy post that will talk about a lot of not fun stuff but a post I want to make. 2 years ago was a a dark time for me, I felt like I lost a lot of people in my life and that I was a terrible person. If it weren't for 3 people I wouldn't be here today. I felt like I had done something that made me like a person I never wanted to be, a person I swore I wouldn't be. Yes I'm gonna be vague because frankly I don't want to dredge shit up. I pretty much disassociated for weeks maybe even a month. I don't remember anything from that time and then when I did come back I didn't know what to do so I put on an act of pretending to be ok. I felt like I had no one until I talked to @/Oneironaughti. He helped me from that hole I was in. Then I started hanging out with @/cherrimisu and spending sleepless nights watching shows, movies, playing games and just having an amazing time. They truly felt like my bestie and really are. Then @/AverySaii and I reconnected and it was great. We played games and talked about the time where we kind of just missed becoming greater friends earlier and I was able to vent a bit to them as well. Then came the callout, if you know you know. I spiraled again, feeling like I could lose the few people that had helped me. But they didn't leave me, they stuck by me. I felt like a week before I told them about it my life was just over and I had nothing to look forward to. I considered the worse thing possible, I considered ending my own life. This feeling had come up a lot in my life but this was the first time I had gotten so close to going through with it. Despite being so happy earlier in the year when coming out about wanting to transition and be seen as a woman, I felt like I didn't deserve that happiness. I felt like I had to disappear. It was because of those three that I didn't do it, they still accepted me. They saw something in me, they actually wanted me around. So despite feeling like I had nothing I carried on for them and put the knife down. I healed after that, slowly. Then when my birthday came around in February 2023 I finally did it and scheduled my appointment for HRT. I would talk about it on my birthday stream and then cry later like I had done the year before when I knew I was trans. The day after the appointment happened I had my HRT. 3/17/2023 I took it for the first time, then the next day I took a picture of myself in the mirror of my bathroom with no shirt on. I wouldn't look at it until about 30 minutes ago today 3/21/2023. I was shocked, my body hair mas a fraction of what it was. My face is so much different, my chest is so different, my hair, everything. I had nothing in my eyes in that picture, just someone trying to get through life with no one bothering them. Just trying to take the path of least resistance. Then looking in the mirror I saw the light in my own eyes, I'm happy. I have two partners that love me and I love them. I dress in bright colors and amazing outfits. I connect to people now that I can express myself as a woman. I actually have a lot to live for, I have better myself in a lot of ways. I'm not just stuck thinking my life is over because I fucked up once. My mistakes no longer defined me, I grew from them so I would never make the same ones again. I'm not broken, I never was. I was just changing into who I am now, and that's ok. It took me 30 long years to get here but I'm happy, I can finally say I am happy. I may not be my perfect self but i am so much more closer than I was last year.

there is no tldr, because if you don't think I'm worth the read that's your opinion but I finally think I am. I know who I am and i know what i want, I'm no longer settling for coasting through life. Thank you Onei, Avery, and Cherri. I wouldn't be here with out you all.

Art is by Elora_Primrose, please follow her. She does great art and made this piece of me and my friends last year.

0 notes

perplexedflower · 2 years

Text

Laws Of Love - Chapter 3: Trick Or Treat Me

Fandom: Jericho.

Category: F/M.

Relationship: Bill Koehler x Female Reader.

Type: 5-chapter fanfiction.

Summary: Having to deal with the end of the world is not easy. But it gets even worse when you also have to start dealing with your own feelings. Bill Koehler’s life takes a changing turn when a newcomer arrives in Jericho, and he soon comes to realize the day she walked into his home also marked the day the bomb in his heart went off.

Chronology: Season 1.

~~~~~~~~~~

A series of knocks on my bedroom door woke me up, making me pull on the sheets and bury my face in them.

"Five more minutes..." I weakly let out.

"The town can't wait five more minutes, [Y/N]." The masculine voice replied from the other side.

I sighed and kept my eyes closed for a few more seconds, before kicking the sheets away with a yawn. I sat on the bed and sleepily rubbed my eyes; it had now been around two weeks since I had started to work as a deputy alongside Bill, following his daily schedule, and that meant waking up early, at the same time as him. During these past couple of weeks, the town's situation had degraded, and the police force had been overwhelmed with complaints since the EMP had hit: it ranged from everyday trespassing to that one time we had to fix the broken water main on Ash Street that flooded a property. But despite all the work it required, I was glad to have integrated the force, to be able to help the town rebuild itself, especially with someone such as Bill by my side to help me.

I got up and walked to my door while half-asleep, still in my pajamas; stepping out into the hallway, I saw him walk out of the bathroom, looking just as sleepy as me. Taking a sidelong glance at him, I could not help but pick up on his sleepwear; at first, it was weird for me to see him without his uniform, but I came to get used to it over time. I had always believed in this myth that one never gets to see policemen without their uniforms, since they represent this figure of authority and power. But seeing Bill in a plain t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants took all of that away, and instead made him look soft.

Just as was I getting lost in thought, I saw him yawn and turn his head to me.

"Good morning." He greeted me with a smile.

"Good morning." I replied as I felt myself blush.

I waited for him to go back into his bedroom to make my way to the bathroom, after which I closed the door behind me. Since I had become an unofficial deputy, Bill and I had developed a common morning routine, which mainly consisted in me copying his. But as much as I enjoyed adopting his lifestyle, I could not ignore the fact it had been over two weeks since I had been living with him in his house, although it was originally supposed to be temporary, only until he would find me a truly suitable place to stay. I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head as a part of me felt dumb.

I should have expected this case scenario to happen, considering how busy he's been lately, even more since Mitchell Cafferty has come back in town and caused a ruckus.

Pouring water into the palms of my hands I had cupped together, I washed my face, feeling the cold water waking me up.

I'm sure I must be bothering him at times... But he probably just never tells me about it.

I grabbed a towel hung on the wall and gently dabbed it on my face.

... I'll bring up the subject again with him when both of us will have time to talk about it, I told myself while staring at my reflection with determination.

Walking out of the bathroom, I made my way downstairs and joined Bill in the kitchen, who had already started to eat his breakfast. Pouring myself a bowl of cereal, I sat down in front of him and was about to bring the spoon up to my mouth when yet another yawn escaped my lips.

"Still feeling sleepy?" He asked with a chuckle.

"I suppose so." I replied, slightly embarrassed.

"Well, today's your lucky day to feel tired. Since the town will be busy preparing to celebrate Halloween, the workflow at the police station should be slightly calmer and easier to handle than usual."

I suddenly stopped eating and looked at him with surprise.

"I had completely forgotten today was Halloween..."

Hearing the news, a part of me began to feel excited; I had stopped counting how many years I had not had the chance to celebrate it, and spending it with the people of Jericho sounded like a good plan to me. With that thought in mind, I finished my breakfast and went back upstairs to finish getting ready. Once both Bill and I were ready to leave, we headed out and drove to City Hall. During the ride, I looked out the window and saw all the townsfolk preparing for the celebration, all over town: driving past decorated backyards and storefronts, the streets were looking the liveliest they had been since the bombings had happened.

A few minutes later, we arrived at City Hall and parked at our usual spot. As he walked up the stairs to the entrance, I looked around me, before turning to him.

"Bill, wait." I called out.

About to step inside, he turned around and sent me a questioning look.

"... Can I spend the day outside and help decorate the town and prepare for Halloween?" I asked bashfully, a shy smile on my face.

Following my question, I heard him chuckle lowly.

"You said yourself today should be calmer than usual." I quickly added. "And if you need me at any point for any reason, you can reach out to me, and I'll get to you right away."

Shaking his head slowly, he sent a smile my way.

"Sure, go have fun."

"Thanks a lot." I happily replied. "I promise I'll stay available if you need me."

Not wanting to waste any time, I headed off into town while waving to Bill. And so, I spent the day helping mostly everyone set everything up, going from one place to another: I eventually decided to go see Stanley and Bonnie, to check on them and see if they needed help with anything. But once I got there, I noticed Stanley was not on the farm, so I made my way to his sister; I approached Bonnie, but before I could ask her where Stanley had gone off to, she signed to me that they needed my help with something. She added that only a few minutes before I had arrived, Stanley had gone down to the station to ask for help there; chuckling, I signed to her that he went to town for nothing, since I was now here. We exchanged smiles and I helped her with her issue, after which I drove back to town and kept on helping others, all while running errands left and right, mixing work and leisure.

By the end of the afternoon, a few folks invited me to a pumpkin carving session, and I happily accepted their offer; carrying the pumpkin I had neatly carved, I brought it back to my car and put it in the backseat, saving it for later. I took a look at my watch as I closed the door, then looked up and around me: with nearly all the preparations in town wrapped up, the streets had emptied, given most of the citizens had gone back to their houses to either finish some preparations or to get changed into their costumes.

I should do the same, I thought as a smile took shape on my lips, after all, Bill hasn't contacted me in a while, so he's probably not drowning under work.

I took my car and drove back to his house to see if I could put something together with my clothes. But once back home, I went through my wardrobe and had to admit to myself that I had nothing that came close to a costume.

"I should've known..." I spoke sadly. "Even with all the clothes I had with me that burned down I couldn't have been able to put something together."

I got up and sighed.

"Hell, I don't even know what I'd dress up as..."

Hearing these words come out of my mouth, I suddenly came to think of an idea.

"I can dress up as an actual deputy sheriff, with the full attire." I thought aloud, a smile on my face. "It'd fit me, considering the job I've been doing for the past couple of weeks."

But my smile quickly shortened, as I realized something: the only way for me to bring my idea to life was to borrow one of Bill's outfits, and that meant entering his room and going through his things.

"... He probably wouldn't mind." I concluded after having given it some thought.

I stepped inside his bedroom and began going through his closet; as I had assumed, I saw multiple duplicates of his outfit and unhooked one of them. I carried it all the way to my bedroom and changed there, leaving my clothes on my bed. The second I was done putting it on, I could not help but laugh out loud at the fact that it fit me in the same way as it fit him, since I was about the same height and weight as him.

It suits me well, I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror, smiling at my reflection.

After I had slipped into my costume and was finished putting the last touches on it, I went back to town and parked near City Hall. I got out of my car and grabbed my pumpkin, putting it under my arm like a basketball: seeing the town had gathered in the streets and in front of the building, I made my way there.

"Oh, [Y/N]!" I heard Gracie call for me.

I turned in the direction of her voice and saw her walking toward me at a fast pace.

"You've finally been promoted to be an actual deputy! Congratulations!" She exclaimed while shaking my hand. "You know, I'm happy you've joined the force, this field of work really fits you well, sweetie."

"You've got it wrong, Mrs. Leigh." I explained to her with a laugh. "It's very kind of you to say that, but this is simply one of his Bill's outfits that I borrowed. It's my costume for the night."

"Oh, alright, then." Gracie nodded with a short smile.

To my surprise, it did not take long before I started receiving more comments about my costume, whether to tease me, compliment me on how clever it was, or tell me how well it suited me. After having chatted with mostly everyone, I walked up to Stanley, who was running a stand with Bonnie.

"Well, it's a nice pumpkin you got there..." He started, a playful note in his voice.

He leaned closer to my chest to read the name on my jacket, preparing to call me 'deputy [Y/L/N]'. But instead, he looked up at me with eyes expressing both amusement and confusion.

"... Mrs. Koehler?"

I gently hit him with my elbow as I smiled shyly.

"This is Bill's outfit, alright? That's all." I said while blushing and looking elsewhere.

"Right." He said unconvinced while nodding slowly.

I looked around me, turning my head from left to right.

"Speaking of which, have you seen him anywhere? I thought I'd find him out there with you guys, but... I haven't come across him since I got here."

"Hmm... Now that you mention it, no, I haven't."

I nodded my head gently as I took one last look around me.

"Alright, thanks anyway, Stan."

Leaving Stanley behind with a wave of the hand, I made my way to the stairs of City Hall and clutched my pumpkin closer as I stepped inside. Greeted by party noises, I started looking for him among the crowd that had gathered there: but when I realized he was nowhere to be found, I went up to Jimmy, who I spotted chatting with other people.

"Hey, Jimmy." I called out to him. "Do you know where Bill is?"

Jimmy replied to me by pointing to the door of the police station with his thumb.

"Alright, thanks."

Following Jimmy's indication, I took a few steps and looked inside the station through the glass door, and indeed saw him at the front desk, visibly working on paperwork, his usual coffee cup in hand and using only a lantern as a source of light. I opened the door very gently, trying to make as little noise as possible: walking inside, I began imitating ghost sounds as I played around with my pumpkin, but broke into laughter seeing the expression his face was shifting into. The moment he heard my voice, he looked up from the pile of paper in front of him, and I could read he was surprised to see me dressed in a deputy outfit, even more so his. I looked down at myself and smiled at him while blushing.

"What do you think of this ultra-realistic costume?"

Still standing behind the desk, he put his mug down.

"You dressed up as me." He said with his mouth slightly open, a smile transpiring through.

"No, I dressed up as myself." I chuckled. "I figured I'd make this deputy thing official. At least for one night."

Shaking his head gently, Bill began to laugh as well, before scanning me up and down.

"So, are we gonna play 'good cop, bad cop'?" He asked as he leaned against the counter.

"I'm down for it." I giggled lightly.

"Well, which one are you?"

"Which one do you want me to be?"

My words echoing through the empty room, we silently looked at each other in the eyes, but I could not help but look away after a few seconds. My eyes fell upon the pumpkin I was still holding in my hands, and I looked back up at him while raising it.

"And look who I brought with me!"

I set the pumpkin on the counter next to his lantern and he looked at it while laughing.

"I carved it this afternoon, and I figured I'd offer it to you to give you a bit of company in this big empty station."

I joined him in his laughter, but I also felt the tone of my voice changing a little; looking down at my feet, I looked back up at him a second later with slightly sad eyes.

"What are you even doing here all by yourself anyway? I was expecting to see you partying with the others when I stepped in... Aren't you gonna join them?"

He looked down as his smile shortened.

"Well... It may be Halloween, but it doesn't mean the pumpkins will do the paperwork for me."

I cracked a short smile, but it soon vanished, replaced with a more serious expression.

"Bill..." I started in a low voice, avoiding making eye contact with him. "Now that I've been in your shoes for over two weeks, I know what it's like being overworked and having little time to yourself."

I gulped as I could feel his eyes on me.

"You're a hardworking man, who gets things done, and you love your job, I know you do. But I also know you've been more tired than usual recently..."

I shyly looked up at him and instantly met his gaze.

"... And that's why I was thinking tonight's celebration was the perfect occasion for the both of us to unwind, and relax..."

Lowering my eyes, I felt a blush spread across my cheeks.

"... Together..." I whispered as I lowered my voice.

Silence reigned between the two of us, for what felt like an eternity, until I heard Bill clear his throat.

"Alright. You're right, I'll allow myself to finish work early tonight."

I looked back up at him with a warm smile.

"Give me just..."

He gently brought my right wrist closer to him to read the time on my watch.

"15 minutes, to finish this one paper, and I'll join you."

"You got it." I nodded, still smiling.

I started making my way back to the door but turned around, a hand on the knob.

"But no more than 15 minutes, alright Mr. Koehler?"

"Yes ma'am." He replied as we exchanged smiles.

I left the room and went back outside to go see the others again while I waited for Bill to finish. However, once the 15 minutes had passed, I saw no sign of him, and this time felt upset.

I'm sure he thought to himself 'one more paper' after he was finished with what was supposed to be the last one.

I made my way back inside the station and walked in by pushing the door wide open.

"I can't believe-..."

I suddenly stopped my lecture as I saw he was no longer behind the front desk, and all that was left was his stuff. I took a step closer, raising an eyebrow.

"Bill?"

"[Y/N]?" I suddenly heard his voice calling out for me.

I followed the direction of his voice, seemingly coming from the back of the room, and saw the prison cell at the end of the hallway, before realizing he had been locked inside. I quickly made my way to him with a worried expression.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"It's Mitch." He replied angrily.

Once close to the cell, I searched for the keys and found them on a stool nearby.

"Some of his guys came to bail him out." He continued as I was unlocking the door. "Gray went after him."

Before I could add anything else, he pushed the door open and made his way out of the room at a quick pace.

"I have to go see where they went and if they managed to catch him."

I had no other choice but to follow him, feeling my usual smile fade away. Once outside, we both spotted Jake and Gray further down the street, and Bill went to see them while I decided to stay behind in front of the building. I could not help but bite my bottom lip repeatedly while crossing my arms on my chest and continually tapping the heel of one of my feet on the ground. I stared at him from a distance, watching him talk, until he made his way back, looking more appeased.

"Things haven't gotten too outta hands, that's the good news." He started with a sigh. "Apparently, Gray had caught up with Mitch and his two friends, and was ready to take a shot at them, but Jake stopped him before he could fire, and told him the last thing Jericho needs in these times of crisis is a gang war we wouldn't want to be a part of."

He scoffed while shaking his head.

"And, frankly, I agree with Jake's decision, he made the right call."

Once he was done talking, I nodded my head rapidly.

"Alright. Well, we should head on back home." I spoke at a fast pace.

Not waiting for him to answer, I started to get in motion, taking a step forward, ready to walk away. But before I could take another step, he grabbed my wrist, making me turn around.

"Hey, what's the rush?"

I could see in his eyes that he knew I was not feeling good, looking down at my lips, bearing no smile.

"Bill, you..."

He got closer to me and let go of my wrist.

"Why leave now? You said you wanted us to enjoy the party together. So let's."

"But are you gonna be okay?" I asked as I looked up into his eyes with a hint of worry.

"I was only put inside a cell, [Y/N]." He scoffed while raising an eyebrow. "I wasn't hurt."

"But you could have been. They had a shotgun barrel directed right at you, Bill..."

"How do you even know they did that?"

"Because I know their type." I fired back. "And I know what they're capable of."

He stared at me, reading the worry and seriousness on my face, then looked down with a neutral expression before looking back up into my eyes with a short smile: I suddenly felt his hand on the top of my head, tousling my hair gently.

"I'm fine, [Y/N]. Don't worry about me."

My stern expression vanished as all I could now feel was his warm hand on my scalp, rubbing it tenderly; I gulped while blushing, then nodded at him. Smiling warmly at each other, we finally walked away from the building and went to join the others out on the streets. We did not have a proper dinner that evening, but since there were multiple and various food stands, we ate a bit of everything here and there throughout our stroll. We paid a visit to more or less everyone, and it warmed my heart to see Bill having fun and enjoying his night; as I was staring at him talking with Stanley and his sister, I felt a hand tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Jake and Heather, both smiling at me.

"Oh, hey guys." I smiled back at them.

"Good evening, deputy." Heather teased me.

"Do you have something to report to me?" I joked.

"No, nothing serious." She replied with a chuckle.

Heather suddenly stepped forward and grabbed both of my hands as the look in her eyes felt somewhat sad.

"But, I wanted to let you know, [Y/N]... I was driving through town earlier today, and I drove past the remains of your house... and I couldn't help but feel sorry for you, and how it must have been a traumatic experience."

Taken aback by her words, my surprise was however instantly replaced with laughter.

"It's very sweet of you, Heather, but don't worry about me, I'm no longer mad at that fire." I told her with a sign of the hand. "I suppose it was just the town's way to make sure I was given a warm welcome."

Everyone standing around us who had heard my joke laughed, and Bill and I walked away from them as we waved them goodbye. As we walked, I could feel him silently look at me, and eventually gathered the courage to look back at him.

"What's up?" I asked him with blushing cheeks. "What's on your mind?"

"I've never seen anyone who's able to keep such a cool head in the hardest of times." He confessed while staring straight into my eyes. "I'll admit it... I've been impressed by that trait of yours ever since I first met you in front of your house."

I felt the blush on my cheeks intensify and my eyes widen slightly.

"It's impressive how you never let things get to you." Bill added with a charming laugh.

Hearing him compliment me in such ways, I could not help but look away from his eyes, keeping quiet.

"... Thank you." I eventually told him while shrugging lightly, a shy smile displayed on my face.

Shortly after our conversation, we noticed the party was nearing its end, so we decided to head back home, for good this time; the first thing I did once we had made it back was to step into the kitchen and serve myself a glass of something fresh to drink, before taking it with me to the living room. I took a sip while fanning myself with my shirt, then set my glass down on the table as I looked at Bill standing up in between the kitchen and the living room.

"D'you ever get hot wearing your deputy outfit all day long?" I casually asked him with my head tilted.

"That is one question that cannot be answered with words."

Turning around slowly, he revealed to me the back of his jacket, covered with a wide circle of sweat, in addition to spots around his armpits. I covered my mouth a little while laughing and he turned around to me with a slightly awkward smile.

"Yeah, I'm sweating bullets."

"So am I." I reassured him. "Starting tomorrow, I'll go back to my usual t-shirts and shorts."

We chuckled together as he started to make his way to the staircase.

"Speaking of which, I'm heading for the shower right now..." He told me while grabbing the back of his neck. "I'll tell you when I'm done if you want to take one as well after I'm finished."

I smiled warmly and nodded, then followed him upstairs to enter my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and changed into my pajamas, leaving the deputy attire I wore in my wardrobe, after which I stepped back outside. Opening the door back, I found myself in the hallway and rested my shoulder against the wall. I looked over at the closed bathroom door and listened to the sound of water running, when I suddenly felt tears coming up. Taking a deep breath in, I went back downstairs and made my way to the living room while shedding a tear: I sat down on the couch and buried my face in my hands as I sobbed, ever so softly. I kept on crying for a few more minutes, until the sounds of footsteps on the creaking staircase came breaking the rhythm of my cries. I immediately sniffled, trying to swallow back my tears, and rubbed my eyes. But I knew Bill had already spotted me and noticed something was not right.

"[Y/N]?" He called out to me, in a worried yet gentle voice.

Without looking at him, I felt him walking closer and sitting down on the couch next to me.

"... Are you okay?" He asked after a few seconds of silence.

"I didn't want you to see me like this..." I shook my head as I tried to maintain a voice as neutral as possible. "I don't want anyone to see me like this..."

I looked down at the ground, my eyes tightly closed.

"All those things you said about me earlier, my ability to keep cool and not be affected by things... It's all just a façade, it's what I want people to see... What I want you to see."

He rested a hand on my shoulder, which finally made me look at him. I realized he was shirtless, wearing only sweatpants in addition to a short towel around his neck, and I guessed he had just come out of the shower.

"[Y/N], it's okay for you to feel things, to feel emotions, any emotions." He told me softly. "You're free to cry, scream, or complain if you want."

He paused for a second before speaking again.

"... Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling alright?"

"I don't want to be a burden you have to take care of, and I didn't want to distract your mind from your work, you already have important things-"

"Taking care of you is important." He cut me off in a firm tone before I could finish my sentence. "As much as anything else I'm doing."

Bill looked at me straight in the eyes and I could read sincerity and affection in them.

"... If not more."

Hearing those words, I broke into tears again, and he brought me into his embrace. We remained in the arms of each other for a good minute, neither of us saying anything; I rested my hands on his naked back and shivered lightly at the contact of some waterdrops still on his skin. Afterward, he pulled away and held me gently by the shoulders.

"Hey, why don't you go take a shower?" He suggested tenderly. "Warm or cool, whatever will make you feel better. That should help ease your mind."

I nodded in silence, then slowly got up from the couch: climbing up the stairs with me, Bill escorted me all the way to the bathroom, holding my lower back softly. Once inside, I undressed and turned the cold handle all the way, letting the water run down my face and refresh me. I did a series of breathing exercises while washing myself, then decided to stay under the stream a bit longer after I was done; turning the water off, I stepped back before drying myself and slipping into my pajamas again. I took a look at myself in the sink mirror and sighed while closing my eyes, telling myself how much of a mess I was. I then opened the bathroom door and took a step outside the room, when I suddenly saw Bill, standing up against a wall in the hallway. I was surprised to see he was not in his room, however, he had put a shirt on, so I deduced he had gone to his room before waiting in the hallway.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked me with tenderness.

I nodded while smiling softly at him.

"Thank you... For everything."

I looked down at my feet while blushing.

"You didn't have to wait for me, I'm fine... really."

"Well, seeing how you weren't fine 5 minutes ago, I wasn't about to let you off the hook that easily."

I chuckled and blushed just a little more: looking back up into his eyes, we exchanged smiles as we stood away from each other.

"Well, I hope you'll still be able to have a good night tonight." Bill said. "And if not, don't hesitate to come knocking on my door."

"I will, I promise." I answered him sincerely.

Although I knew deep down we meant what we had told each other, I could not help but feel a slight awkwardness in the air, leaving me with a bitter taste in my mouth; as if some things had been left unsaid.

#bill koehler #bill koehler x reader #bill koehler x you #bill koehler fanfiction #bill koehler fanfictions #jericho #jericho fanfiction #jericho fanfictions #female reader #laws of love #chapter 3 #perplexedflower

0 notes

the-feeling-is-mutual · 2 years

Video

youtube

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

While grocery shopping as of late I saw that our general public isn't exceptionally great. I was in a major box food store when a man left a representative swearing noisily click here about how the store expected to figure out how to maintain a business. Apparently he was violated and concluded going postal in the water passageway planned to turn his karma around.

Later that very day, I was registering for a class at my wellness community when the lady behind the work area unintentionally hit some unacceptable key on the PC, hence dialing my exchange back extensively. She quickly worried and started saying 'sorry' lavishly for her mistake. I could see she was attempting to get the best of me by and large anyway.

These occurrences made me consider about how decent we are as a general public. My conclusion was - not all that pleasant. My number one comment when something goes haywire is, "No problem." Genuinely, nothing in my life was critical to such an extent that flying off the handle at the assistant behind the work area planned to change. That's what the truth was in the event that I got her more bothered, she presumably would have hit one more off-base button and karma would have paused for a minute and chuckled as I stood by considerably longer to leave.

Do all of you have any idea about what you resemble when you get all whacked out in the open? Do you believe it's pretty? Does it encourage you truly? Do you view yourself as one to observe the Brilliant guideline? Assuming this is the case, how's that working for you at that point?

Unfortunately, our retail world takes special care of the squeakiest of wheels. We help our general public to be clearly and unsavory. The more wild the customer, generally the quicker he/she gets quieted down with a markdown or free product. Could you at any point accept individuals are quite harmed during significant deals occasions so the most insane of purchasers gets the products?

While this might be valid, I'm going to live with respectability. I accept as a parent and as a grown-up I must show the cutting edge that being pleasant has its benefits. Not exclusively can I serenely live with myself, however I won't ever need to stress over my face freezing in one of those truly terrible represents that happen with rage. Additionally, I won't ever need to clear up for my youngsters why Mother made the woman behind the counter cry.

#youtube

1 note · View note

readingwritingrainyday · 2 years

Text

flat-chested

i waited for it

alone in the apartment

breathless and shaped-wrong

before being spirited off

on a family vacation

i was a girl then

so the bathing suits and summer dresses didn’t bother me

but still i thought about the binder

remembered what it had felt like when i

feverish and wrong feeling at 9pm

had walked to the supermarket and bought

flushed

three cotton bandages

and, in my bedroom - door locked -

wrapped my chest for the first time

the right-feeling, the brain-quiet

like something had settled into place

i laughed, and then i cried

doing that thing i’d seen others do a hundred times

running my hand over my flat chest in disbelief

but still, that didn’t compare to the feeling of

putting my binder on for the first time -

the uncertainty, the confusion

(i must have gotten stuck a hundred times)

the joy

i would have waited a million days

payed a million dollars

to feel that -

to look in the mirror for the first time and see me, flat-chested and fearless

to feel something click inside me

to hear that small voice in my head whisper

this is you

the same way it did when girl-me found the perfect bra

or that mystical creature know as well-fitting jeans

now, the other part of me - the hidden part

he smiled, right-shaped and at-peace

and in that moment, at that time

i felt like i actually saw myself as I truly was -

all of me

#poetry #genderfluid #transgender #original poetry #ftm #binder

1 note · View note

tiramisu-su · 2 years

Text

Self obsessed?

I remember in my teens my dad had made a comment to my mom about me, saying "She looks at herself in the mirror too much." He was referring to me being "self absorbed" and "full of myself". Yet he didn't think about maybe why that was so? Growing up I could give two shits about my appearance. It's when I reached pre-puberty and adolescence that I started to notice that your looks really DO matter and people will judge you and treat you certain ways according to how you look to them. Obviously, anyone who does this is a shitty person and not worth your time anyways, but growing up, this bothered me greatly. Not only was my dad verbally abusive about every characteristic/shortcoming I had as a person, he was this way about my appearance as well. It didn't help that I received bullying at school and was told almost daily by either my dad or other girls that I was "ugly" and "fat". He drilled into my head that I needed to work out and wear makeup to look better. He constantly made comments like: "You look like shit why don't you wear makeup?" or "Look at how gross your legs look you need to tone them by working out." Not only are there major problems with what he was saying on a surface level, he was also making these comments about his young daughter who was going through puberty. It's true that I did then develop a hyper-fixation to my appearance. I could not leave the house without a full face of makeup from the ages of 15-19. I wouldn't dare let anyone see my bare face because I just didn't want to face judgement but honestly people are gonna say whatever the fuck they want if you wear makeup or don't. They will comment on what kind of makeup you're wearing, how much, how you applied it, etc. It took me a long time to face the reality that I could go out in public without makeup on because my worth and beauty did not fluctuate because of my appearance. So yes I WAS looking at myself in the mirror a lot but I was so anxious and constantly checking to see if my makeup was okay, if my hair was okay, if I looked presentable, how my smile looked, if my lips were chapped etc. Don't get it twisted, I wasn't admiring myself, I was making sure I looked OKAY and at the same time I was criticizing every single feature I had.

I never thought of myself as a narcissist. I remember my sister bringing up the term negative narcissist which is when you fixate on yourself, but in a negative way and I definitely see/saw that within myself. Each person in this world possesses some level of narcissism or personality traits of it. That's not who I want to be so I have to nip that in the butt and I feel like I'm working towards being a better person everyday. To be self-absorbed in ANY way whether it be positive or negative is toxic. I know within my heart that I am just a person, like everyone else trying to survive and live each day to be a better person. I don't think I'm above anyone else, if anything, I think I'm below others and that's not okay either. I need to recognize that I am better than no one (which I already know) but also that no one is better than me. So what if someone is prettier or has a bigger house or a better job? That truly does not make them a better person than I am. If you keep chasing and wanting more, you will never be happy with what you have. Anyways, today, I am comfortable going out without makeup. I'm comfortable not hiding my tattoos or my scars. I am more comfortable with myself and my appearance because these things don't matter and I'm here to enjoy life. I deserve to be in the same spaces as everyone else and experience whatever I want to. There's nothing wrong with loving yourself. We are all special and unique in our own ways. Just never take anything to the extreme because that's when you suffer. Thats when you aren't able to grow. If you are stuck thinking you're the best, you don't see anything to improve on, and if you are stuck thinking you're the worst, you won't see the point in change anyways.

You don't need to be told you're beautiful or cute or what not. You have to know these things and accept these things about yourself because YOU believe them. You don't have to go out of your way to get the newest cool outfit or follow fleeting trends like lip fillers or thin brows. Just do you and be you. You don't owe it to anyone to show off or to prove anything. I started getting tattoos for myself because I liked how they looked. I liked the idea of adorning my body with art that held permanence. I liked that idea of commitment and accessory. Of course I was met with a lot of backlash, but some people enjoy tattoos as well. Some people commented on how "trashy" tattoos are, or how tattoos are for "convicts" and "losers". Literally why do you have to make a comment like that about something that doesn't concern you. If you don't like tattoos, great. SHUT UP. It's so sad that grown adults have to be reminded that if they have nothing nice to say, they shouldn't be saying anything at all.

That just goes to show that other peoples words only have hurt in them if you allow it to. Remember, no one who is truly happy with themselves will bring others down.

0 notes

darkreflectionworld · 2 years

Text

Before that damn spell, this used to be me. I didn't hate the way I looked, but I always had a fascination about what it would be like to live a completely different life. So I started some research online and came across a spell that promised me I could temporarily swap bodies with someone - and all I had to do to swap back and end the spell was to convince one person from my life of my true identity in my new body. That part excited me a bit, thinking of what body I would end up in, possibly a humiliating body, and then having to convince my boyfriend of who I truly was. But it should be easily enough to reverse.

I cast the spell on a Friday night while my boyfriend was still at work as a bartenderin a trendy gay club downtown. The spell said the swap would be with a random person, so I had no idea who I was about to become. My dick got hard as soon as I started speaking and felt the magic work its way through me.

After the spell had been recited, I blinked and found myself in what looked like the backstage area of a club. Looking around, I thought that it might even be the same club my boyfriend worked at. Then I saw my new self in a mirror and a loud gasp escaped my lips.

From the look of my oioy chest to the skimpy briefs I wore I quickly realized I had landed in the body of an asain gogo dancer. This was definitely different from my old body for sure!

A man poked his head around a corner and said to me (in what I instantly knew as Japanese) that I was expected on stage in two minutes. I responded, not even realizing the words coming out of my mouth were also in Japanese. When the man left me to finish getting ready I tried to say something, anything in English but found I could only speak in a foreign language now. That spell must have been powerful.

I didn't have much time to think about my situation before it was time for me to perform. I was nervous walking out on the stage, basically naked in front of a sea of strangers, but once the music started the muscle memory of this body took over and I danced like I never thought I was able to. I lost myself in it, flirting and grinding against random people that approached the stage. In the back of the room I saw my boyfriend behind the bar. He couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of me.

I went back on stage a few more times over the course of the night, but by 3 am I was tired and ready for this experience to end. And all I had to do was convince my boyfriend that I was really me and everything would go back to normal.

I didn't bother getting dressed after my last act, I just went directly to the bar. My boyfriend slid a drink to me with a little wink, then went back to closing out all the open tabs before closing up for the night. The drink he made was strong and in this body my tolerance was super low so I was content to just watch him. After most of the people cleared out, he motioned for me to follow him to the back room. Wait... what?

I followed him, he took me to a dark corner, didn't day anything, just pushed me to my knees and unzipped his pants. "I would tell you what to do, but one, you know what I want and two, you don't even speak English, so why bother?"

"What is this? You're cheating on me?" I asked but it came out in Japanese. Oh fuck. How am I going to get out of this if all I can speak is a language no one I know is familiar with?

He laughed and shoved my gaping mouth on his cock, fucking me in the face until he came down my throat. Then he zipped himself back up and left me, still on my knees.

I found my new clothes, got dressed, and found my new ID so I knew where he lived. I had to go somewhere, do something. I need to find a way out of this, but how?

#switch bodies

394 notes · View notes

promenadewithme · 3 years

Note

May I please have prompt 62 with Simon Basset x female!reader?

Of course! Thank you for requesting!

Pairing: Simon Basset x Fem!Reader

Prompt: 62 (”She doesn’t belong with him” “Than who does she belong with?” “...with me.”)

Warnings: very slight angst with a happy ending. I'm sorry, but I just had to include him saying "I burn for you".

Word count: 1.7 k

Tell me if you want to join my tag list!

Oblivious

__________________________________________

Dearest Readers,

it has come to this author’s attention that Lady (y/n) (y/l/n) and Lord Benedict Bridgerton were seen promenading earlier this week. We all know Miss (y/l/n) to be a close friend to the Bridgertons, but will she officially become part of the family? Rest assured, if there is an engagement this author will find out.

Your’s Truly,

Lady Whistledown.

__________________________________________

YOUR P.O.V.

“This is absurd!” you exclaimed. “We were seen walking and now we’re to be married?”

“Calm down, (y/n). You know Whistledown is just a gossip, no one will remember this in a week.” said Benedict, putting down his sketchbook to look at you.

As soon as you woke, your lady’s maid showed the infamous society papers and you all but ran to the Bridgerton estate. Benedict was, as always, in the drawing room sketching away. He had already read the paper, but thought nothing of it. He was calm, so calm it irritated you.

“Ben, you don’t understand! If people think I’m engaged to you, they will stop courting me and, unless you plan on marrying me, that is a disaster! I have to marry this season!” at this point Benedict stood up and caressed your arm in an attempt of calming you down. To anyone else, this scene would be scandalous and incredibly improper, but you and Ben have known eachother since infancy and were the best of friends, so there was nothing romantic about the gesture.

“(y/n), my dear, what is this rush? We are still young, you can see so many more seasons before being considered a spinster. You are beautiful, smart, accomplished and any man in the ton would be more that lucky to have you as his wife. If they don’t see it, it’s their loss. As for the rumors chasing them away, I believe it will do quite the opposite.” he said with a smirk.

“Whatever do you mean? If they believe I am to be married, how would it attract them?” you asked, incredulous.

“Well, not to brag, but I am a Bridgerton. If they think you caught my eye, they’d be curious to know what’s so special about you. So, don’t fret. All will be well.” With one last reassuring squeeze, he turned around and sat back down. “Now, are you going to Lady Danbury’s ball this evening?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at his sketch, not quite contempt with the shading.

“Of course I am, it’s the biggest ball of the season!” you exclaimed, sitting down on the sofa in front of him.

“Thank the heavens! If my mother tries to push eligible ladies my way, I’ll run in your direction.” he said, still sketching. Benedict stopped for a second and looked up at you “I heard a certain Duke will be there.” he stated with a smirk. You rolled your eyes and said “We all know he is bewitched by Daphne, it does not matter if he will be there.”

“Of course it matters, you are in love with the man! And, to be completely honest, I don’t believe it is my sister who his heart belongs to. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, it’s the same way Colin looks at maps or Eloise looks at books.” He was leaning forward now, elbows on his knees, hands loosely clasped.

“Like I’m an object?” you said, kidding of course and dying to change the subject. You had the tendency to get your hopes up and the last thing you wanted was to believe your friend and end up with a broken heart.

“Like you hung the moon and the stars.” he had a serious expression and your heart skipped a beat with the thought that Simon would ever look at you that way, but you knew it would never happen. So you waved your hand, smiled and said “I think all the charcoal and paint is going straight to your brain, Mr. Bridgerton. I expect to see your hands all clean if you are to dance with me to trick your poor mama.” Standing up, you curtsied mockingly and said your goodbyes before walking out the door.

SIMON'S P.O.V.

Simon woke with news from Lady Whistledown. He was never one to believe in gossip, but Daphne was always talking about the society papers during their fake courting, so his curiosity got the best of him. What he did not expect was to read (y/n)'s name.

He had sworn to himself that he would never marry, but arriving at the beginning of the season he couldn't help but be smitten by you. He tried to fight it, but every time you smiled he saw himself smiling along, every time you wore his favourite colour he forgot how to breathe, and every time he saw you with Benedict Bridgerton he couldn't control his jealousy.

He confided in Daphne about it and she guaranteed (y/n) and the second Bridgerton son were just close friends, but Lady Whistledown seems to think differently. To be married? Was this true? If so, he knew it was for the best. He would be able to keep his promise to himself, but he could not help the ache in his heart as he dressed for the day.

(Y/N)'S P.O.V.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, pleased with the outcome. Your lady's maid had weaved delicate flowers in your hair, that was pulled up loosely and you wore your newest dress, long white gloves and the family diamonds. Madame Delacroix really outdid herself this time. It was your favourite colour, with princess sleeves, only slightly puffed, and had embroidered tulle at the hem and bottom part of the skirt. You looked truly beautiful.

"(y/n), it's time to-" your mother paused at the door and looked at you. She smiled softly at your reflection. "You look so beautiful, my dear... Do you think a certain Lord might like it too?" she said smiling softly.

"It is not the Lord's attention I want, mama. You know Ben is just a friend" you said, playing with the skirt of your dress.

"I know, sweetheart, I just don't want you do get hurt. All I want is for you to be happy and what better than to marry your best friend?" she hugged you from behind and kissed your cheek, still looking at your reflection.

"To marry the one you love..."

SIMON'S P.O.V.

"You really have outdone yourself, Lady Danbury." Simon said, looking down at the woman who practically raised him. She was wearing a white gown, a tiara and long white gloves, radiant as always, leaning on her cane.

"I always do, my boy. Now, look at that! Your beloved has arrived." she declared with a small smirk.

"I have already spoken to Daphne" he said, nodding in the Bridgerton family direction, however his heart was beating out of his chest as he turned to look at (y/n). It seemed impossible, but she was even more beautiful than the last time he saw her. Simon looked away before he was caught staring.

"We both know I'm not speaking of the Bridgerton girl. You are not as discreet in your brooding as you like to think." he looked at you again, but you were already speaking to Benedict, who was leading you to the dance floor. "What is bothering you, boy?"

Simon stared at the pair dancing for a moment before responding. "She does not belong with him."

"Than who does she belong with?" (y/n) was laughing at something Benedict said and Simon could not bare the view anymore.

"...With me." he mumbled before heading to the gardens.

(Y/N)'S P.O.V.

The song finished and you curtsied, smiling at your best friend. The smile slowly turned into a frown as you saw Simon walking out, into the gardens.

"Go after him." Benedict whispered.

"What? We would be unchaperoned, it would be scandalous!" you answered, only loud enough for him to hear.

"I'll stand at the door and make sure no one sees. Go!" you smiled and wished you could hug you best friend. "Thank you, Ben." you said as you went into the garden after the man you love. The weather was pleasant and the garden was completely empty, with only the Duke passing back and forth close to the bushes.

"Simon?" he stopped in his tracks, looking surprised as he gazed back at you and stepped closer.

"What are you doing here, if we were to be caught unchaperoned yo-" you stopped the nervous man by saying "Benedict is at the door, no one will see."

"Of course he is." he mumbled, but you heard.

"What does that mean?" you asked, not understanding his sudden dislike for the lord.

"It means he is always around, always with you." he spat out.

"Well, he is my best friend." you could not believe what he was saying. "What do you have against him?" you questioned.

"Are you truly to be married?" he demanded, ignoring your question.

"What?" you replied, completely incredulous.

"Please don't." he murmured.

"Simon, I-" you tried to answer but he cut you off.

"Before you say anything, please listen to me. Don't marry him, please." he paused for a second, adjusting his posture. "I love you. You..." he shook his head. "You don't even know what you do to me. Ever since I can remember, I have promised myself I would never fall victim to love, would never marry, would not let my family name carry on. Then came you."

Simon took a step closer and continued to speak. "You changed my plans, awoke desires I never knew I had, you have stolen my heart and my soul... I burn for you." he took your gloved hands in his, caressing them softly. "Don't marry him, marry me." he gazed into your eyes, waiting your answer.

"Simon... It was never my plan to marry Benedict, I was completely honest when I said he is nothing but a friend." you smiled up at him before saying "you are the one I love, always have been."

Simon grinned before pulling you into a passionate kiss, one hand on your back and the other behind your neck. It was a good thing Benedict was at the door, if anyone saw this scene and the rumours reached Lady Whistledown... You didn't even want to think about the ruin it would bring upon your family.

When you and Simon finally parted you managed to mumble "We truly have been oblivious, haven't we? I thought you were in love with Daphne." he chuckled.

"And I thought you to be with Benedict. Good thing you followed me out here, my love." he said, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

"From now on, it's all I'll ever do."

#simon basset #simon basset x reader #bridgerton #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton imagine #simon basset fanfiction #simon basset x (y/n)#simon basset x y/n

1K notes · View notes

purple-babygirl · 3 years

Note

you got me reading all your works from 4 AM till 6 AM today, and I have zero regrets. And I’d do it all again. I truly love all of your works, especially those that has anything to do with Bucky.

Now all I can think about is Bucky’s reaction and care to finding out that his Little got an injury—one that she been hiding from him. Omg the fluff.

Anyway, have a great day!

Pairing: Poly!SamBucky x little!f!reader

Word count: 3,381 (i know i know...)

Warnings: polyamory, ddlg dynamics, excessive, probably unnecessary, fluff no one asked for.

A/N: Nonnie, I'm honored💜. Thank you so much for sending me this, you've warmed my heart to no extent💜💜. It is everything when you tell me you like what I share with you. You're so amazing and I hope I'll always deliver and never disappoint you ily:"💜 I know you only said Bucky but I couldn't help but get Papa!Sam in there too, hope you're not mad at me?:" Please enjoy xx.

don't hide

"Oh, we forgot the toilet paper!" Sam groaned, "I'll go get it. Wait here, sugar, okay? Eyes on the bags and don't move. Papa will be right back," he said before marching back to the big store's entrance, leaving her by the car with all the grocery bags.

Papa said to wait there. Papa warned her that the ground was snowy and slippery and dangerous. Papa told her not to move, she reminded herself but she just couldn't help it. She had to grab that orange.

A bag had fallen on its side out of nowhere and an orange had fallen out and rolled away. She needed to get it before Papa came back or else he'd know she wasn't watching the bags and was zoned out instead. She'd be careful and she'd take the fruit and come back to where Papa left her and he wouldn't even know it. She'd take small steps and she'd be quick. Plus, she was a big girl; she'd never slip, right?

Wrong.

Before she could catch herself, her foot was slipping, her arms were flailing and she was on her back on the cold, hard icy ground. She squeaked, pain shooting through her spine like an electric shock. Through panic and pain, she got hold of the stray fruit, managing to get herself up and back to where she was supposed to be standing the whole time before Sam made his way back to her.

"There we go," Sam sighed, setting the bag with the toilet paper beside the others and opening the car.

She was silent, biting down on her lip to stifle the pained whimpers ready to leave her mouth.

"You ready to go, sugar?" He asked her as he stacked the last bag in the car, slamming the back shut.

"Yes, papa." She nodded, the bones supporting her neck hurting as she tried her best not to cry when she slightly bent to get in the backseat.

She didn't say anything. She couldn't. Daddy and Papa were taking her sledding in the park the next day and she couldn't even be good and obey one single thing she was told. They'd definitely cancel the whole day and make her stay home if they knew what she did. And not only that but she'd surely be punished for not listening and not being careful enough. She could take it. She could play, sled and smile through the pain. Plus, she was a big girl; she could handle a little fall, right?

Wrong.

Her back was killing her. She tried not to hiss when Papa put her seat belt on for her. She had no idea how she'd make it through the day.

"Show daddy what you got him, sugar!" Sam encouraged after leaving the bag of goods on the table for her, walking to the kitchen to drop a bunch of grocery bags

She carefully pulled a chair out and slowly climbed on top, rummaging through the bag until she found a packet of Bucky's favourite cookies. She'd pointed at them as soon as she saw them at the store and didn't stop until Papa got them down the high shelf and into the cart.

Bucky's appreciative smile lit up the room, "oh, for me?"

"Yes, daddy. Got 'em for you." She nodded timidly, playing with her sleeve.

He accepted the cookies with a giddy grin and went to store them in place in the kitchen. She giggled, proud she was the reason Daddy was smiling.

"Thank you, love." Before she could stop him, Bucky was hugging her tight, metal arm pressing on her back to pull her body to his.

The chocked whimper she let out didn't go unnoticed by the super soldier.

"You okay, doll?" Bucky raised a worried brow, flesh hand rubbing circles on her back as a sort of habit.

"Yes, daddy. I'm fine," she lied, held-in tears burning the back of her eyes. She just needed him to stop touching her spine.

"You sure?"

"Sugar, go wash your hands we just got back from outside," Sam reminded, saving her from repeating the lie to Bucky.

"Yes, papa." Her socked feet padded on the floor as she left for the bathroom.

Bucky shrugged it off for now, walking outside to help Sam with the bags. She probably wanted more candy than she was allowed and Sam refused or something of that sort.

When she was done washing her hands, she tiptoed to her bedroom and did her best to redress herself fast. Her discoloured skin looked awful in the mirror. She couldn't let her daddies see the huge bruise that was forming on her back, innocently praying it'd disappear over night so they could still go sledding the next morning.

"You changed by yourself?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows upon seeing her in a comfier outfit. He knew for a fact Bucky didn't help her because he was washing strawberries in the sink behind him.

"Yes, papa," she muttered hesitantly, fearing his reaction.

"Why didn't you call me or daddy, baby? We could've helped."

"Papa and daddy are busy, didn' wanna bother you," she lied again.

"Doll, we'll never be too busy to look after our favourite girl. You can always ask for daddy and papa's help, okay?" Bucky assured her gently.

"Yes, dada."

"Good girl, here," Bucky grinned, offering her a strawberry.

"Tank you." She took it with a smile and hummed after the first bite, making Sam chuckle.

"You did a good job dressing yourself, sugar. We're proud of you." Sam let his hand cradle the small of her back so he could kiss her forehead.

She whimpered again, biting her lip hard and closing her eyes.

"Everything alright, baby?"

"Yes, papa. Strawberry tastes so good."

"Okay, baby. Go play in your room till me and daddy get lunch ready."

"Yes, papa." She pecked Sam's cheek before leaving the kitchen.

"She's lying," Bucky told his husband as soon as she got inside her playroom.

"I know."

She spent the rest of the morning suffering in silence. Her back hurt whenever it came in contact with anything. She couldn't lean forward, or backward. She couldn't even lay down for nap time, crying into her pillow as soon as her daddies left the room.

She'd try not to whine when Daddy's palm touched her upper back. She couldn't enjoy watching her favourite show on TV because she was too busy trying not to pull away when Papa hugged her to his chest while she was on his lap.

As the hours passed, she was in so much pain it was showing all over her face. Sam and Bucky were worried that she wasn't saying anything. They knew something was wrong they just didn't know what. They failed to notice her features scrunching up in pain whenever they touched her because, in their defense, they were always touching her. So they couldn't really pinpoint the problem.

"There you go, sugar." Sam handed her a plastic cup, half full of strawberry milk he'd just whipped in the blender for her.

"Thank you, papa." She smiled gratefully, stretching her neck to kiss his cheek, her face twisting in pain as a result.

"Doll, are you sure you're okay? Do you have a tummy ache? Do you feel sick?" Bucky questioned softly, all while rubbing circles on her upper back.

"No, dada. I'm okay," she continued to lie, sipping from her straw quickly so maybe Bucky would stop and let her drink in peace.

Bucky looked to Sam in defeat and the latter just shrugged at him helplessly.

"Love, me and papa are worried there's something you're not telling us." Bucky's hand caressed further down to the small of her back and she couldn't help but wince, dropping her cup.

Strawberry milk covered her chest and lap and she couldn't hold it in anymore. She started crying and apologizing, thinking there was no way out of punishment for her now. They were going to find out.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, sugar. It was an accident. It's okay." Sam tried to soothe her but her cries only grew louder as she let all the tears out.

Her body hurt so bad and it didn't help that Bucky was patting her back to calm her coughs and sobs.

"Come with me, doll. Let's get you cleaned up." She cried harder at Bucky's statement, knowing they were going to see her back now.

"No, daddy, please. Don't wanna." She shook her head, choking on her tears. She made no effort to go to his open arms like she would.

It broke Bucky's heart a tiny bit. He started to think he'd done something; that she was like that all day because of him for some reason.

"But baby, you're soaked in milk. You can't stay like that!" Sam didn't wait for her refusal, slipping his arms under her legs and carrying her body off the couch.

"No, no, papa, please." Her tears wet Sam's sweater, her thrashing hurting her muscles even more.

"Stop crying, sugar. Tell me what's wrong," Sam said, sitting down on the closed toilet lid with her on his lap.

She remained silent, her fist rubbing at her teary eye and her lips trembling.

"Is there anything you wanna tell me and daddy, baby?" Sam tried again, making brief eye contact with a worried Bucky preparing a bath.

"Wanna shower by myself," she muttered when her sobs died out, tears still leaving her red eyes.

"You know we can't let you do that, doll," Bucky sighed.

"B-But I dressed by myself," she cried more, leaning on Sam's chest.

"This is different, baby." He kissed her forehead.

"Why don't you want our help, doll? What is it?"

She was quiet again, making both men sigh.

"Alright, love, hands up," Bucky instructed but she shook her head.

"Come on now, be good. We gotta get you cleaned up, baby, or you're gonna be all sticky," Sam told her, fingers tugging at the hem of her sweater.

She gave up fighting; her back was sore and she knew her daddies were going to get her in that bath no matter what. She closed her eyes when the sweater was pulled over her head, preparing herself for Daddy's reaction.

"My goodness, doll! What happened?!" Bucky exclaimed in worry and she started sobbing again.

"What is it?"

"Look at her back, it's messed up!" Bucky gestured to the huge purple and blue bruise, whispering the last part of his sentence.

"Oh my god! How did you get this?!" Sam's eyes widened as he questioned her and she only cried more.

It broke their heart. She was in so much pain all morning and they had no idea. How could they be so inattentive?

"Hey, baby, no, it's alright. We just wanna know how you got hurt, sugar. You're not in trouble," Sam reassured, pushing her hair out of her face while Bucky ever so tenderly examined her bruises.

"I'm sorry, papa. I'm so sorry," she cried in his chest, "I- I didn' listen when you- told me to stay I- the orange fell out an- and I wanted to get it and I fell d-down an' hurt m-myself." She tried to explain between hiccups as Sam bit down in realization and regret.

"Aw, sugar," Sam sighed, feeling guilt gnaw at him for leaving her alone by the car. What was he thinking? How could he leave her all by herself like that? She was just a little baby!

"Papa's sorry, baby. Papa's so sorry he left you standing alone and went back inside." Sam apologized, kissing away the tears soaking her cheeks while she sniffled and hiccuped.

"Don't cry, doll. We're not sad with you. You didn't do anything wrong," Bucky cooed, his thumb wiping the tears down her chin and neck.

"B-But I was bad." She looked at Bucky with teary eyes.

"No, doll, you weren't bad. You were just tryna help Papa because you're a good girl." Bucky kissed her temple, holding her forehead to his cheek while he looked at Sam.

The man was zoned out, probably beating himself up somewhere in his mind.

"Let's just get you in the tub for now and then we can let the doctor take a look at your back, okay?"

"What if he gives me shots?"

"He's not gonna give you shots, doll. Only something to apply to your bruise, nothing painful or scary." Bucky promised, easing her off Sam's lap to get the rest of her clothes off.

Sam scratched his head before abruptly standing from the toilet seat, "I'll go start dinner."

Bucky sighed when his husband left the bathroom. He knew Sam was feeling guilty for their baby getting hurt and while he wanted to assure him it wasn't his fault, he had to tend to her for the time being.

"There you go, doll." Bucky carefully lowered her in the tub, letting the warm, soaped water soothe the ache in her muscles.

"Dada, can you come too?" She asked quietly, noiseless tears still leaving her eyes.

Bucky stripped himself at once, cautiously getting behind her in the tub before pressing her back to his chest. She sighed as he held her to him, Bucky's chest being much comfier than the solid ceramic of the tub.

"Is papa mad at me?" She asked Bucky, her voice trembling and breaking as she continued to cry.

"No, no, doll. Papa's not mad at you one bit, he's just worried about you," Bucky said, his hands rubbing softly on her tummy as he kissed her shoulder.

"Then why'd he leave?" Her voice was squishing Bucky's heart and he just wanted both his babies to feel better.

"He's preparing dinner for you, baby. Papa loves you; he could never be mad at you." Bucky turned her head so she could face him and wiped her tears away.

"We love you, doll. No one is mad at you. Daddy and Papa only want you to be okay. We just wanna keep you safe," Bucky told her warmly and she nodded, wrapping her arms around Bucky's neck and burrowing her face in the crook of it.

After her bath, Bucky got out first, telling her to wait while he got towels. But instead his legs took him to Sam.

"I feel like shit for not noticing too," Bucky muttered behind his spouse.

"It's not only that- what are you doing strolling around the house in just a towel after a warm bath?! Bucky, you'll catch a cold-" Sam scolded when he turned around and saw Bucky undressed.

Bucky put his mouth on Sam's in an attempt to calm his anxiety.

"I'm gonna be fine and so is she," Bucky promised against Sam's lips, cupping his cheek.

"I left her alone, Buck. She got hurt because of me."

"No, love, no. It was an accident. It could've happened anywhere any time."

"I still shouldn't have left her."

"Then we know not to do it again. Don't beat yourself up over it and distance yourself like that."

"I'm not distancing myself."

"Sam, she thinks you're sad with her. Please, love," Bucky begged, his thumb swiping over Sam's skin until the latter nodded with a sigh.

"Now go put on something."

"I thought you liked me naked," Bucky teased.

"Go." Sam lightly slapped his rear.

"I'm going." Bucky laughed, kissing Sam's lips one last time before retreating to the bathroom.

Bucky dressed her in something warm and told her to wait a minute while he got ready so he could take her to the doctor's. She peaked out of her room, hearing onions sizzling in the kitchen. She walked over to Sam as he poured tomato juice and the pot hissed.

"Papa? Are you mad?" She tugged at Sam's sleeve, red-rimmed eyes staring up at the man.

Sam sighed, turning off the stove. He took her hand in his and walked out of the kitchen with her, sitting down on the couch and motioning for her to sit on his lap.

"Why didn't you say anything, sugar?" Sam asked, putting her hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry, papa," shs teared up, "I thought you'd be mad at me and think I'm bad and not wanna take me sledding no more."

"Baby, I'd never get mad at you for getting hurt. Ever." Sam reassured her, not letting his eyes get glossy with the tears he held in.

"If you get hurt me and papa will take care of you no matter what, doll. That's the only consequence. Do you understand me, love?" Bucky added, walking out of the bedroom with a jacket in hand.

"Yes, daddy." She nodded, throwing herself in Bucky's arms, "I'm sorry. I love you."

"We love you too, doll." Bucky kissed her head, careful not to hug or squeeze her too tight.

"Papa, will you come to the doctor wimme and daddy?" She asked Sam sweetly, leaning on his chest after leaving Bucky's hold.

"Of course, sugar." Sam's thumb stroked her cheek softly.

"And we can still go sledding in the park tomorrow?"

"Oh no, baby, we can't go tomorrow."

"But you said you weren't mad." Her lip jutted out in a pout.

"I'm not mad, baby, I promise, but you're hurt."

"But the doctor is gonna fix it," she whined

"He's a doctor, sugar, not a wizard!" Sam chuckled

"Because wizards don't exist."

"They do exist, but that's not the point," Sam argued and Bucky playfully rolled his eyes behind her back.

"But papa-"

"No buts, doll. We'll go as soon as you get better and we'll stay as long as you want, yeah?"

"Yes, daddy." She complied, knowing they were right; her back was achy and stinging.

As promised the doctor gave her no needles, only a prescription of a cream for her back and a painkiller.

"Daddy, I don't wanna," she whimpered as Bucky lifted her PJs up. She was afraid of the pain she would feel once Bucky started massaging the substance onto her skin.

"I'm gonna be gentle, doll. I promise."

"It's gonna hurt," she complained more.

"Here, sugar, hold papa's hands and daddy will be done before you know it." Sam opened his palms and she immediately put her smaller hands on top.

"There you go, all set. We're ready, daddy," Sam told Bucky, squeezing her hands and smiling comfortingly at her.

She gave half a smile back, blushing as she felt Bucky ever so softly lay kisses down her hurt back.

Sam chuckled, kissing the back of her hand. She slightly hissed when Bucky touched her skin with the cold cream, his pointer and middle spreading it around on the bruises.

"Anywhere else hurts, love?"

"Right here, daddy." She pointed to the back of her neck.

Before Bucky could, Sam tilted himself forward and kissed from the ends of her hair down to where her neck met her back. She giggled, Sam's lips tickling her. The man chuckled again, pecking her cheek.

"Papa?" She held his hands in hers.

"Yes, baby?"

"I love you." She wasn't unaware of how he blamed himself for her little accident and she wanted to let him know it was alright; she was alright.

"I love you more, sugar." Sam smiled, relieved, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Starting to feel seriously left out over here," Bucky said, wiping his fingers on a tissue.

Sam rolled his eyes at his needy-for-attention husband before cupping his cheek and kissing his forehead as well, sending blood to his cheeks.

"I love you, daddy," she whispered, squeezing Bucky's right hand.

"I love you more, doll." Bucky echoed his partner, kissing her hand.

For the whole week, Papa and Daddy let her sleep on top of their chests, seeing as cuddling and spooning weren't options and they still wanted to be close. She'd alternate between the men as the nights passed.

Eventually, they did go sledding in the park when she healed, three days in a row. She loved it and she laughed so much till her cheeks hurt. She could handle a little fall after all; she could handle anything as long as Sam and Bucky were there to take care of her through it.

940 notes · View notes