#and sorry again for my wall post...
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Excuse me,
may I ask you a question?
I was really wondering how you are still friends with the artist named snow124? They are so talented and high amount of sasunarusasu community loves their art but once i saw their very rude and unsympathetic behavior because of my reposting their fan work on instagram, but that was one year ago. As far as i know you were friends with this artist even back then and i wonder if they've ever been rude to you? How you can still tolerate that person?
You can ignore my question if i caused you discomfort by my words
Hello there！
Hmmm ok I've been looking at your ask for a while and just thinking how to answer it… "should I answer in one sentence or the length of a novel?" And then I just thought i couldn't describe myself in one sentence. So here we go…
Warning！This is a long post, sorry.
First of all, I have a few things to say before answering your questions. And these things about me, if you don't mind. Okay so, I really have no idea what i look like through someone else's eyes, but i don't like to talk to people often in my real life. In most cases, creature called "human" acts only for its own benefit… This is purely my personal opinion and I won't say all, but 95% of people are like that even if they don't admit it. I don't like selfish, liars, two faced people. So can we say that I am as lonely as Sasuke? Yes I am. (I've already said that i feel close to Sasuke's character during the insta Q&A thing) but anyways… That's why there are very few people around me that I truly trust. And Snow is one of them.
Now coming back to your questions…
Well…… Firstly i didn't like you calling her "the artist named snow124". I mean, what does that mean !? Many people in the sns community don't think of more than one person when Snow124 is mentioned, right (?) but everyone thinks of only one artist. So I would understand if you only say Snow124. (Just felt like you were trying to marginalize her or something, and this bothered me)！
Secondly, have you ever thought of turning the mirror at yourself before calling someone rude, unsympathetic, stupid, idiot etc? When there's a disagreement, do you really think it's always the other person's fault ?
…You know what, I asked Snow first before answering your ask just because her name is mentioned here. And if she had said "don't answer", I wouldn't have answered. But why did I do that? After all, this is my ask box, my account, so why am i asking her? But actually the real question is, why do you post her artwork that she spends her hours maybe days on your own account without even asking her permission, while I get permission from her just because her name was mentioned in a question that came to me? Can you see the difference between these two examples i gave? Well, if you still can't see it, i'll explain in one word. This is "respect"！
Is that your commission? No. Is it your work? No. Is it your idea, design, collab or something? No. So then, who gave you the right to post someone else's work for just a few likes and followers? And what kind of reaction do you expect the artist to react to your disrespect towards their work? Think about it a little……
It's not the first time I've seen people call Snow rude. And maybe others are right in their own way but her attitude or words were never rude to me… I think it's wrong to expect everyone to give the same reaction when faced with a problem or something！For example; I'm not good at controlling myself emotionally …not that professional yet. On the other hand, I see that Snow is able to keep her emotional side more controlled and stronger than me. But do you think that means she's callous? I know many people don't even care about empathy. But just for once, have you ever thought about this repost issue from an artist's perspective? I don't know if you are aware but many artists even deleted their accounts for this reason！So you can't say you saw their rude (as you call it) behavior as if you were the only right side！
"I wonder if they've ever been rude to you? How you can still tolerate that person?"
Snow124 herself always says she's as cold as snow. Not rude but she is aware that she has a cold personality. So maybe "No." sounds very rude to you but it's just a simple no to her, you never know. And before I talk to someone, i try to get to know that person. I already knew she was like that, and frankly i like her critical attitude. She can see details that I can't see, but I take this as help, not rudeness (and this is one of the reasons i chose her as my teacher). I mean if someone likes rock music and says they hate pop, then I wouldn't try to get them to like pop music. Briefly, I accept that person as they are… Not with everyone but sometimes I talk so much that others even get a headache because of me …and from time to time Snow also (maybe forcibly) puts up with this side of me *im sorry* x) And she usually gives short answers to my boring novels but I never questioned that, or didn't think she was rude, or something. Do you know why? 'Cause she's not me, i'm not her. Maybe there are common tastes but one person is never 100% the same as another person. I never expected anything in return when i drew her a gift or a piece. When I care about someone or something i do it without expecting anything in return (this is also one of the reasons why i still keep drawing Naruto and Sasuke)
When it comes to "tolerate" thing… Hmm ok I don't understand exactly what you're talking about. I mean it's not about tolerating Snow, on the contrary she tolerates me at many points (and my silly jokes that aren't funny at all x)) Also yeah there are many things in my real life that I have to tolerate, so i just remember how i was able to calm my mind again thanks to my fanart accounts and some golden people here…
Also if I remember correctly, someone on insa said i was nicer than Snow for warning them before reporting their repost, just like you anon. But after that due to another report, someone else started sending abusive messages to my personal email address. Yes maybe i'm more patient about reposts than her, but not anymore！Everyone has a limit, please remember this！
And one last thing, you guys don't even realize when you're actually being rude by directly calling someone rude.
#believe it or not Snow is one of the most respectful and decent also kind hearted person I've ever seen#...but even she herself is not aware of it#just wish you guys could see this grumpy cat turn into a fluffy kitten from time to time#i'll probably disable anons again soon#and sorry again for my wall post...#text post
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top 10 moments before disaster (dazai is about to step on his toes)
#day 9547860367 of drawing them in the hopes that the next chapter will be ada reunion. we will see.#ALSO HELP slamming my head into a brick wall i'm gonna get cancelled for glasses erasure one day istg. i'm sorry kuni#watch me once again exaggerate a barely visible height difference in canon bc idgaf dazai should get to be short for once in his life#anyway i hope skk eats shit i want knkdz back i miss them so fucking much#i pray and beg and sob every night kneeling at my bedside for dazai to go home and see his husband and son again#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikida doppo#doppo kunikida#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#lotus draws#uughhhhh posting at ungodly hours AGAIN this is gonna catch up to me one day istg
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kaycee "off the wall"
#sorry for posting something literally only i would care about on a special day. it will happen again#inscryption#p03#kaycee hobbes#over the garden wall#otgw#my art#fanart#werewolf#i have soo many ideas for otgw au.. if anyone Does want more let me know#maybe luke will even be there because he would actually be useful as a narrative foil#maybe.#happy weew
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one of the things i love about wha is how clearly the magic and ideas the girls learn and have build on top of each other over time. the continuing theme of magic as solutions, and your own spells can be made by adapting what you know into something new.
in one of her first uses of magic, coco uses fabric to sail through the air at the dagda mountains; she later creates the mantle of flight. the air twisting seal she learns to use to pick fruit becomes part of a spell to create rain underneath the sea. agott uses a bird of light to distract people at the river; later, we learn her love for the decorative seals, and her knowledge comes in use to bring people joy, and to help with the curtain leech. every person has their own magic, and everyone's magic connects together to create new things.
no magic is useless; no magic is too small or too basic. no magic is unloved.
#when i tell u agotts revelation made my heart melt.#i think about this all the time tho like.#the theory of magic -> coco's reversal spell to help tartah identify herbs -> the reversal that brought eunie back to himself#the wall breaker spell/sleeping serpent -> coco saves coustas -> tetia makes her sand tent#almost EVERY piece of magic we see is brought back again in another form later on and i LOVE how much it shows#about the very principle of magic#and how it shows the girls learning#and magic as a reflection of its caster#wha#witch hat atelier#coco my little genius#sorry i was gonna highlight everyoneee in the post but then i would have written 39494994 words
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#ts4#sims 4#hi#daithí lore drop#this is felicity's mom#i have another cute post queued up for tomorrow#abt this guy getting ready to fly off to komorebi#can't wait to catch up on all the dan bc stuff i missed while i was away!!!!<#i wanna get back into posting again#i've been so up the walls these past few weeks#but i'm off rn!#gonna try play some of the legacy soon#i'm really really sorry to my eighty odd asks just sitting there#and my dms i'm so fucking sorry#tomorrow is the day i answer everyone i promise#i've really clammed up recently i need to break that habit#/daithí
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"Mutt" (May 22, 2024 - Clip Studio Paint)
A tribute to the album of the same name, by Eros Blindfold.
#for my dear friend's birthday#art#the pictures on my wall#eros blindfold#hello btw. sorry for falling off the face of the earth yet again. various reasons but most recent being getting real sick#anyway though I am forcibly dragging myself up out of my hole in the ground to post this while it is still actually the 23rd#I LOVE my bro with all my heart happy bday#personal pulse
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L. Lawliet is a gifted photographer who believes he has understood the light and its secrets. Light Yagami is a young, unstable and slightly crooked model. Together, they kill time.
I had a bookcover design assignment so obviously I chose @devilinthebox's literary masterpiece of a fanfic Our Bodies, Possessed by Light
#I actually hate this already but its mostly because nothing I could ever draw couldnt even begin to describe the beauty of this fic#The way this fic is EVERYTHING to me#It literally tore me to pieces split in my face made me cry then cradled me and gave me a forehead kiss then threw me into cold water#over and over again#I could talk about it for hours#I love every single character so so much#my favorite portrayal of naomi EVER#also the fact that Beyond is turkish and speaks of his turkish mother missing İstanbul so dearly#literally made me cry#I love him so much#sorry Beyond is canonically turkish now and its my whole personality#anyway maybe I'll ramble more about how much I love this fic on another post sometime later#the photos on the wall are mostly my old art#I thought about doing an A portrait but I have no idea what she looks like#anyway yea#my art#lawlight#l lawliet#light yagami#our bodies possessed by light#obpl#lawlight fic#lawlight fanart
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Bit of a (late) long-ass personal post, but this past year has been insanely monumental for me and a lot of it, if not almost all of it, was centered around this silly comedy show.
Starting the year adopting the most perfect cat in the world purely because he looked like Agent Jack Bauer, I've ended up meeting amazing people and making great friendships, both online and in person, I met Glenn and Charlie and MEE and Meg (and Humphrey) and Danny?? got my first tattoo, bought way too much whiskey, and I've just really, genuinely enjoyed my time posting on Tumblr, making shit, and writing fic more than I have in half a decade. It's stupid, and sappy, and probably pretty parasocial, but I owe so many of my best experiences this past year not only to the show, but to joining this community. Because I wouldn't have experienced much of any of this if I hadn't jumped the casual fan on r/IASIP ship and washed up ashore here. And being here has improved my life and my mental health in ways I can't even begin to properly express.
So here's a photo dump of what I have to dub "A Very Sunny 2023":
To everyone here, thank you for being a part of my 2023. I'm not sure what 2024 has in store, but I'm happy I'll be here, creating and experiencing whatever it is, through and beyond.
#personal#sunny 2023#sunnyblr#sorry to be really annoying but yk#this is my blog and i like to use it to document things#and this is the best format for this kinda thing :) so excuse me#this has been a crazy year when i look at it all#i had a shortlist of photos for this post and it ended up 72 photos#lmfao like damn.. gotta be selective STILL#the expansion of my sunny wall is like poetic you see#again im sorry i think thisi s probably peak absolute insanity to most ppl who follow me#but so much shit happened i wouldnt have dreamed of#like crazy insane wow i still cant believe this was all real#glenn flipping me off remains my favourite thing to have captured#i love that stupid video it makes me go crazyyyy#but yes obviously top moment goes to charlie calling me out in the audience about the tattoo. then finding out he told mee about it#again thank you. like. i straight up owe all of this to sunnyblr existing#if it didnt i would just. not have been this deep and able to meet people and experience all of this
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aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE
#★ arin rambles#‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you#AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY#OH MY LORD#OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS.#MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I#AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video#‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE#I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY#Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute#HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO.#Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever#any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU#IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY#IM COVERED IN DIRT#IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN#oh goodness me oh my#im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick#Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE!#guys…. he my favorriet…#my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything#hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM*#yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW#IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY?#oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut#ly DOOMED#yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton#TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE#i womder how crazy i look right now#Sighs lovingly at him..
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the dr fandom cant handle wlw ships in any other context than background fluff with no depth
i like sakuraoi and tsumioda ect but they always get woobified and mellowed out like did they SEE 1-4???
aoi did not pull all that to get sidelined as a supportive background lesbian in your ishimondo fanfic
and don’t get me wrong. my girls need a break sometimes fluff is great i don’t have a problem with it. but it’s the constant sidelining of wlw ships in favour of het/mlm ships in pretty much any fandom that gets to me.
and how wlw ships are only acceptable in the community when they don’t have any dysfunction or toxicity, and if the ship does have even the slightest hint of the above qualities it is either mellowed out to the point of being unrecognisable or dumped on with thinly veiled misogyny and homophobia
and when i say slightest hint i mean the literally slightest hint. like the girls will argue once and the fandom will label the ship toxic while shipping. fucking kuzupeko or something.
wlw ships are seen almost entirely as a way to get female characters out of the way of mlm ships. in het ships the female character is a tool to develop the male character. they show significantly less depth and probably dies to forward the male character’s development (sound familiar?)
in any situation female characters are characterised by their relations to male characters. a female character’s (usually romantic, or at least interpreted as such) relationship with a male character is their defining characteristic. if said female character is in a wlw relationship they are reduced to their most basic traits while male characters are explored and given depth, and exist in the story only to offer support to the male characters.
i haven’t even mentioned how female characters must be in a relationship to be even remotely relevant in a story, but that’s a rant for another time.
grrah the way that female characters mirrors how wlw ships are treated by the community, and that characters/ships that aren’t completely perfect and deemed acceptable by the community are dumped on by the larger dr community while worse ships or characters are welcomed because they happen to contain a male character is gonna be my 13th reason istg.
anyways this rant is getting long but in summary danganronpa fans hate women and they hate wlw relationships that they can’t jerk off to.
#apple chat#danganronpa#sdr2#thh#ndrv3#this post is incoherent i know i know#also as an add on#leaving this in the tags because my post is about female characters and wlw relationships exclusively#and what im going to say affects mlm relationships as well#but the despite the amount of queer fans a lot of the dr community esp the ones on reddit view heterosexuality as the “default”#and dump on queer ships simply because they happen to be queer#the dr community’s constant complaining about its queer fans drives me up a wall#yes a lot of them are annoying and i also hate the annoying komahina saiouma shippers who hate anything that isn’t pale twink yaoi BUT#we can dump on annoying dr fans and ships we don’t like without bringing up sexuality i believe in you guys❤️#oh no the poor straights the shippers made their favourite characters gay💔 damn those homos ruining everything#is what you guys genuinely sound like sometimes#the tone deafness in this community#one day i will round up every dr redditor and set them on fire#I’m so sorry you had to see gay people on your dash as repayment you get one f slur pass use it wisely#i will shit on dr community again another day for now goodbye🫡#psst btw i have no beef with kmhn and (most) of its fans but a bunch are Like That so yeah#on the other hand fuck saiouma all my homies hate saiouma (well *I* don’t like it but good for you besties)#ok this is getting long enough BYEEE#homophobia tw#misogyny tw
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Furina having some cute little particular spot/tactic which makes her let out the cutest, sweetest giggles with snorts in between and navia is so in love with that laugh that she lightheartedly Abuses that spot shkddhh for example like Furina's bellybutton or pressing soft little raspberries on her belly has her writhing, red painted on her face and a huge wobbly smile, soft giggles and whines followed by little snorts, and navia has to physically hold herself back from kissing furina while she's all giggly like that (she failed)
"Naveeheehee - Navia! We're going to be - eheehe - be late...!"
"Hmm... They can wait a few more minutes, can't they? They'd understand if they heard these cute noises of yours!"
#genshin tickles#furina#navia#navifuri agenda#my art#1 this is the first time ive drawn either of these girls. expect them to be wildly simplified if i ever do this again bc jesus of god#2 sorry i went with neck bc i j. its all i could picture with this ask#3 i know art was not the prompt here but i had to. i HAD to. i had to give SOMETHING with the juices this gave me#anyway. is this kisses or raspberries? you decide (both)#started sketching this at like 130 in the morning and only finished n posted around 4am#dont ever say i dont feed you /lh /nm o7#oh yeah after the fact tag to add:#furina is plus sized under the corsets and navia is petite but buff argue with the wall#i fucked up with this a little bit bc im tired but. you need to understand my vision
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HERE IS THE POST!! I AM NOT A COWARD!!
kakashi has Bad Dog Disorder and a dissociation problem, and here is why
first, we need to establish what makes a ‘bad dog’ bad. and the answer to that, in a cruel home, is everything
what is a bad dog?
a bad dog is a dog that barks too loud, that whines too much, that wants too loudly, that needs too humanly. a bad dog is a dog that is seen, or a dog that is heard, or a dog that isn’t seen, or isn’t heard.
a bad dog is a dog that can never win, because no matter what they do, no matter how they behave, they are always bad. once you’re awarded that title, there is no giving it away.
which brings us to “friend killer” kakashi.
bad dog disorder
there is literally no other way to describe what kakashi has going on mentally than just calling him a bad dog. every action, every reaction, it all comes from a place of wanting to be Good. he wants to be good DESPERATELY, he wants to be good for his father, he wants to be good for his sensei, he wants to be a good leader, a good teammate, he wants to be a good shinobi, he wants to be good. but at every step of the way, every turn, every leg of the journey of his youth, he is shown repeatedly, and unequivocally, that he is Bad.
he tries to follow the rules, tries to do the opposite of what killed his dad. obito tells him that hes wrong, kakashi learns that he’s bad when he fails. if he was good, he would have succeeded.
(he and his father are bad, theres no way around it. the village hated them for good reason)
he tries to take care of his team, tries to protect rin. Rin takes away Kakashi’s choice and uses him as a weapon.
that is a very important shift in kakashi’s mental state, rin jumps in front of kakashi’s hand. rin uses kakashi as the weapon to end her own life. she USES HIM as a WEAPON, for the very first time, and she loves him for it.
kakashi is used as a weapon, and he is loved for it. there is no coming back from that.
everyone kakashi has lost in his young life, has died for or because of him.
(he is bad because he failed, because he killed the one person he was supposed to protect, he can’t be good no matter how hard he tries, so why try?)
(but kakashi still tries.)
anbu
minato puts kakashi in anbu to keep him close, to get him to guard kushina, to TRY and give him a break, a moment, and then he dies, and no one ever pulls kakashi out.
it is my personal belief, that kakashi is a pacifist. i don’t think he likes fighting, i think fighting alongside allies terrifies him, just look at his reaction to gai opening the 8 gates. that is not the expression of a jonin shinobi prepared to do what it takes, that is the face of a terrified man about to lose another person for and because of him.
hound never looks like this.
kakashi in anbu is noticeable becuase he does not emote, not even when the mask is off, at most he will glare, very frequently he is completely blank.
kakashi removes himself from situations that scare him, as noted by his refusal to get close to people and his desire to flee. he dips out the second the option becomes available, because he is scared.
being in anbu? doing horrific missions now because minato isnt there to keep him close, to keep him from seeing the great depths of depravity humanity is capable of? kakashi is a child, and he is a weapon, and anbu will use him like one.
if he stayed present, if he was there for every mission, every massacre. if he was in the moment, in every second spent with his hand through another person’s chest, he would die. kakashi would die. gai was right, that’s NOT who kakashi is.
but someone has to be.
which brings us to:
kakashi’s shitty brain
this man has mental disorders previously only contractible by shrimp.
he is contrasted to obito frequently, which is correct, theyre good narrative pieces, but they are polar opposites.
obito feels deeply and obsessively, the emotion he feels in the moment is the strongest he’s ever felt in his life, there is no memory of any other feeling while he’s feeling it.
and kakashi can’t convince himself to feel anything, not really.
obito is angry, a righteous furious kind of rage that demands payment for the suffering that led to it. but kakashi doesn’t have that rage, he can’t. there are times when he has anger, sometimes even intensely, but he can’t keep it. kakashi doesn’t have the fuel required to keep any strong emotion alive long enough for him to feel it.
obito and kakashi both have a very small, scared child in them.
they always come back to that moment, that mission, back to when they were a team.
there is a terrified child in them both, and then there is something else, some kind of hurting thing, something that keeps them safe.
kakashi lives as the child, and obito lives as the other one.
if obito and kakashi were stuck in a hole, you could throw them both a rope. obito would climb out, indignant and angry at the circumstances that put him in that hole, and kakashi would hang himself.
to their core, they are different. because obito wants to be a savior, and kakashi wants to be saved.
but with his team gone, with his father dead, his sensei dead, with his friends kept at an arms length to keep them safe, there is no one to keep him safe.
there is no one to save him.
so kakashi has to save himself
hound
hound is a mask, one would argue that it is The Mask. the mask to hide all things, the mask that is worn whenever something kakashi can’t handle approaches him. whenever kakashi is afraid, whenever he is that small child, there is hound.
hound came to him when kakashi was young. hound was bloody to kakashi’s broken, and kakashi needed him to survive.
hound settles over kakashi like a second skin, awkward and ill fitting, hound was made of kakashi, but kakashi was not hound.
hound is the knife, kakashi is somehow, still, not the wielder.
hound moves when prompted, kills when asked, attacks when threatened, and anbu uses him like the weapon kakashi couldnt survive being.
kakashi has a Very complicated relationship with hound, because even out of anbu, hound doesn’t leave. hound has been there for over half kakashi’s life, he is a prominent part of his existence now.
kakashi knows that it was his body, his hands in another’s chest, his feet used to kick, to break, but it is hound that was standing in front of him, hound that was pulling the strings.
hound has ALWAYS hurt kakashi, because that is what hound is, a weapon against that which kakashi cannot stand, what kakashi fears, hates. hound has always bit kakashi first, the target second. kakashi is used to it.
kakashi hides behind hound, needs hound to survive, because hound pulls the wool over his eyes, hound numbs the pain, hound lessens the blow, because. its a lot easier to justify your actions when you take away your control of the events.
is a bad dog bad?
in any situation, kakashi can be himself, or he can be the dog, but he can't be both. so he has to choose who is what when he walks into any interaction, when he has to make any decision.
is he kakashi, or is he the dog? does the dog take priority or does kakashi? and when the dog takes priority, it gets easier and easier to let it take charge.
is a bad dog bad? no it does what its supposed to do. but what about you?
kakashi can’t afford to be ‘him’ in anbu, he has to be the dog, he has to be hound, he has to survive. his morals contradict with his mission and what he needs to do, his wants oppose what is demanded of him. hound is a shield to handle everything kakashi can’t handle.
when it comes to anbu, the choices he has to make, there is no clear ‘correct’ choice. and kakashi can’t make that connection because kakashi does not exist in a grey area. kakashi is either good, or he is bad, he can’t be both.
to a mentally stable person, it’s clear that these situations are not black and white, there is an overlap, a grey area, color. but dogs are colorblind.
so where does that leave kakashi
kakashi’s life is defined by an overwhelming lack of choice. lack of control.
he couldn’t control his village’s reaction to his father. couldn’t control his father’s suicide.
couldn’t control the cave in, had no choice about taking the eye.
he couldn’t control rin, had no choice about being used kill her
couldn’t even choose to help minato and kushina during the kyuubi attack.
couldn’t control, had no choice, had no way out, could only ever be dragged further in.
at the very least, he can choose to have hound, he can control that. chose when to wear that mask, but the funniest part about it, is that he can’t.
he’s removed from anbu against his will, stripped from his addiction with no transitional period, and then forced back into civilian life with a “thanks for your service” and no therapy or any reason to keep going.
and hound doesn’t leave.
hound is still full of teeth, sharp with his claws, he is still howling and haunted, hound still craves violence, still bites, snaps at whatever is closest.
when he was in anbu and JUST anbu, and all his allies were nameless, replaceable faces -- (they were never replaceable to kakashi, but hound doesnt care) -- hound could snap and bite, hound could do what it was created for, hound could gnaw on kakashi’s limbs, could rip into his enemies, could handle all the bloodshed that always led kakashi into a panic attack.
WITHOUT anbu, all kakashi has are s rank missions, and his friends who are trying to save him, and it’s not the same. kakashi has no choice but to continue courting what he has known his entire life, violence, and whatever hurts him the most. hound never goes away.
kakashi lives his life off of table scraps, never taking more than he is given, never asking for more. he does not deserve more, somewhere along the way kakashi confused ‘living’ with surviving, and hound
hound never goes away.
psa guys i promise i know thats not how dog colorblindness works it was just a metaphor <3
#lev howls#THESE. ARE MY MANY THOUGHTS#i literally can't look at this wall of fucking text anymore thank you <3#kakashi#hound#trying to reread this makes me feel like it is so incomprehensible ill have to look at it again later but YEAH#had to edit the post sorry for any new notifs <3#my meta
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hi more drug question
I have been told many many times that using ecstasy will basically fry your seratonin receptors so that you will never be able to feel happy again unless you are using the drug. I am assuming now that this is false but I am curious now as to how false. Is it something that CAN happen if you take too much at once or too often, or is this just random Drug Scary misinformation
Also also since wellbutrin is not an SSRI does LSD work when you are on it or does it also cancel it out
lol that's kind of an extreme version of what I usually hear! you're right that basically the answer here is no. this comes from a couple different things. first is MDMA induced serotonin toxicity, and 2nd is something called "serotonin syndrome" which is a real thing that can happen, but it's really really hard to get like this. prepare for a very long answer lmfaooo
MDMA induced serotonin toxicity occurs when you take too high doses too frequently. MDMA IS slightly neurotoxic, but so are many prescription drugs so don't let that word freak you out too much! basically MDMA works by dumping large amounts of serotonin into your brain, hence why it's the happy/love drug lol. if you take too much too often, your brain will straight up run out of serotonin. obviously that's bad! it's not as simple as "never feeling happy again" but you will essentially have depression for a bit because of lack of serotonin (on its own, low serotonin levels following modest MDMA use is not damaging and resolves within a few days) but the real problem is that if you are on MDMA with depleted serotonin, your brain will continue releasing dopamine which will attach to the serotonin receptors and damage them. this is what can cause long term depression symptoms, the damaged serotonin receptors. ultimately your brain will heal this on its own unless for some reason I guess you keep taking it a lot (which would have no effect. when you take too much MDMA your brain just runs out of serotonin to dump so like. it just won't work lol)?? it can also be treated with the supplement NAC, which I would recommend taking any time you use MDMA because of this!
to sum up MDMA toxicity: it can happen but only if you're misusing it! it's generally recommended that you dont do much more than 1 dose every 3 months or so to make sure your brain has time to reset. research interactions with anything else you're using (prescription or not), take some NAC in the weeks following a dose, drink a lot of water, keep your body temperature regular because that can worsen it, and take some antioxidants like alpha lipoic acid and grape seed oil during/immediately after taking MDMA - it's when you come down that your brain is delicate and could use the protection. also this may sound counterintuitive but weed also has antioxidant properties, so smoking it as you come down helps a lot. also if you DO have MDMA toxicity taking more MDMA will not help u feel happy unfortunately it will just make it worse lol, your brain only has so much serotonin to give
now serotonin syndrome can happen with the misuse of any drug that works on serotonin including MAOIs, SSRIs, and SNRIs, usually by taking a VERY large dose (but some people are just extremely sensitive). it usually takes care of itself eventually, but the amount of time it takes and stuff is kinda hard to pin down bc it's REALLY misunderstood and tends to be overly self diagnosed. again this is like super super hard to do. you would have to take a MASSIVE dose or mix it with other serotonin affecting drugs (ESPECIALLY MAOIs. DO NOT MIX MDMA WITH MAOI ANTI DEPRESSANTS). like 5 times the normal dose at least probably (partner is currently trying to find some literature on it so he'll add that in the replies if he finds anything interesting). it will cause things like heightened anxiety and body temperature and can cause kidney problems or seizures if it's like really bad and untreated. but you'd feel REALLY bad before it got to that point, so in general like, if you take any type of drug and feel extremely bad after go to the doctor lol. mostly this will also just heal itself; your brain is pretty resilient! again usually if this does happen it's very minor. cases bad enough to require hospitalization are exceedingly rare
to give you an example of what these can look like, I have a friend who was given about 3-4 times a regular dose by a fucking piece of shit asshole she knows and, this part is crucial, it was mixed with a very large amount of alcohol AND acid (which can slightly increase the neurotoxicity. normally not a huge issue but becomes one in circumstances like this), AND coke; like she was blackout drunk and while not on a lot of acid or coke, this is just too many things to have in your body and brain at one time. the mixture of such a large amount different drugs caused her what I'm guessing was a mild case of both of these things at once. she experienced slightly worsened depression for about 6 months after, and actually had a mild stutter for almost a year. I made sure she took some NAC and other things that aid brain healing, and she didn't try molly again for a long time to be super sure she didn't overload her brain before it was ready. this is a pretty extreme case, and even with that she has fully recovered thankfully. do NOT EVER do drugs with someone you don't trust with your life. DO NOT EVER do drugs in doses you have not confirmed for yourself to be safe and DO NOT EVER mix drugs without finding out if it's safe!!! just as a small aside though: usually taking molly and acid at the same time is perfectly safe. in fact it's called a candy flip and I HIGHLY recommend it because it's fucking awesome. again, just make sure you are taking safe doses in a safe environment
OKAY now finally your specific question about Wellbutrin: I actually take Wellbutrin so I can answer this one from personal experience! Wellbutrin should not alter the effects of LSD in any way HOWEVER! both of these drugs lower your seizure threshold! I'm on the max dose of Wellbutrin (which is the max dose BECAUSE of seizure risk) so when I plan to drop acid I usually either skip my dose entirely that day or only take half depending on how much acid I'm planning to take. because of the way Wellbutrin works, this shouldn't cause you any problems as far as that goes. for me, not taking my Wellbutrin for a day mainly has the effect of making me more fatigued, and acid counteracts that really well by making me feel very awake/aware. if you don't want to skip or halve your dose though you can also take things that will RAISE your seizure threshold. so like I sometimes will smoke hemp because CBD actually will help with that. the risk here isn't huge either way especially if you have no history of seizures, but again if it's something you're concerned about you should be just fine skipping or lowering your dose for the day. acid usually lasts about 12 hours too so i personally don't even care about skipping the Wellbutrin that much because it basically does the same thing for me. I did take my full Wellbutrin dose the last couple times I've done acid though because I was taking a very small amount of acid (about half a tab)
in summation lol sort of TLDR I generally would recommend MDMA for recreational use because the risks of damage are low and it's safe if you are safe about it. and it's honestly just a really fun one! the only negative effect I've ever felt is some emotional and physical fatigue the following day, and this is largely because of how emotional and energetic you are on it. I just make sure to have the next day off to lay around and listen to music :)
taking it with a partner or loved one will give you an especially beautiful experience, as MDMA has been proven to facilitate extremely open emotional conversations. in fact, when MDMA was first synthesized it's primary use was in psychotherapy! research was shut down during the war on drugs, but in recent studies it's demonstrated amazing abilities to treat and even straight up CURE disorders like PTSD. for a personal anecdote, my partner actually completely fucking cured his alcoholism on a combo of MDMA and whippets (nitrous oxide) lmfao. like dude straight up went from getting black out drunk multiple nights a week to drinking nothing for the past year and a half without any other treatment program. LSD has been proven to have similar incredible results with treating and curing things like depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction and is also a very fun and very safe one.
sorry to reiterate for the billionth time lol but it's important: these drugs are safe and fun if you make sure they're safe and fun! do your research and never use in an unfamiliar environment with people you wouldn't trust in an emergency! also I know this sounds like a lot, but remember I'm giving you like the absolute safest possible practices and emphasizing sort of over cautiousness because I think it's always better to be too safe. I've taken molly without nac and I've taken kinda big doses a little closer together than I should have without any problems. there's a bit of flexibility to these guidelines, but it's always better to think of them as being rigid so you don't end up too far in the other direction. like I've said it's really really hard to do actual damage that would last more than like a day or 2 max. most of the time you'll just be sleepy the next day from all the dancing so it's nice to do it on a day 1 of a weekend. also it only lasts like a couple of hours lol so it's not your whole day or anything!
#sorry this took me like a fucking hour i kept having to check myself w my partner + google to make sure i wasnt talking out of my ass lmfao#im sure ill be rereading and editing it for the next hour as well#damn just spent like another half hour#hope this is thorough enough for ya ajdbsjhdkshdkshs#on a tangentially related note: ive been weaning myself off of my SNRI (venlafaxine/effexor) bc it didnt help at all#and made my nails extremely brittle ????? like so bad they were constantly breaking to the quick and making me bleed#so pretty soon ill be able to do acid and molly again. sweet blessed molly how ive missed you#cant believe i forgot to mention this but as another personal mdma anecdote: my partner and i started dating while candy flipping#hed been staying at my house for like 4 months at that point but we hadnt really talked about like. relationship definitions#and I was EXTREMELY nervous bc id never even like kissed someone fr before him#but the acid and ESPECIALLY the molly made talking about our feelings with each other really easy and safe feeling#we do it every once in a while as like a poor mans couples therapy lmfao. its much easier to be open and honest and vulnerable#while crucially taking down the defensive wall that can cause you to lash out and stuff#highly recommend 👍#wtiting a book called the couple that rolls together stays together. its about doing molly but also skateboarding#drug ed#i cant stop adding to this post im sorry
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AGHGFCCV LISTEN.
I have a theory-----
So it always bothered ne how despite there being so many witches in Mitakihara, there only seem to be Mami (and kinda Homura) as magical girls in the city at the start of the show, like surely these witches come from an equivalent amount of magical girls right???
Welll what if- magical girls and witches cone in some sort of "waves" of despair- basically, kind of like highs and lows in stuff like market economics
Heres how i think it might work- Kyubey reveals himself to a girl, and there are 2 options-
1- She is a lonely person and has therefore a higher likelyhood of witching out or dying without a support network, or-
2- She has, to some kind of degree, close friends she can talk to about stuff like being a magical girl.
If option 2 happens, then even if the girl herself is the only one out of her friend group (or out of whoever is eligible in it anyway) who becomes a magical girl, then eventually when she inevitably enters into a dangerous situation, Kyubey will manipulate any eligible friends she has into making a wish for her (which constantly happens in the show)
Then, if a wish wasn't made, a new witch or at least dead magical girl wouldve been created without any friends joining as magical girls
The more likely situation i suspect though, is that a wish DOES get made, and then, when one of the friends gets into a dangerous situation again and none is there to make a wish to save them (which will inevitably happen because being meguca is suffering)-
One of them will die or witch out, starting a chain reaction because well, your friend just died in front of you, probably brutally, or instead went the non gorey (if nothing else) way of becoming a witch- both highlighting the futility of your cause AND making you use energy to defeat a new witch in an already bad for you situation.
Both cases are highly likely to make the entire friend group witch out this way, because of the collective downward spiral.
And again, lonely girls are known to be preyed on because they do not last long.
In short i suspect the show takes place right after these kind of "chain witchification" happened to many magical girls in Mitakihara, which Mami was not affected by because she is a lone veteran (despite her efforts)
Basically, I think Gertrude, H.N. Elly, Elsa Maria, and maybe one of the other less significant witches (not Charlotte tho we know what happened There...) were part of a magical girl squad that fell to despair
Heck, this chain reaction is even shown to happen in alternate tinelines the Quintet was together, Sayaka witches out, Mami breaks down bc of it and kills Kyouko and then dies (to Madoka), and then Madoka becomes a witch, and so too would have Homura if she could not time travel most likely, resulting in net 0 magical girls and only witches for a short amount of time.
Mitakihara could also just actually be really small and all the witches immigrate from Kazumino or something. idk. that would be boring though
#pmmm#puella magi madoka magica#sorry for the repeating wall of text i really got into it#anyway its really sad. magical girls fall together so much we just dont see them sometimes at all. insane#also the implications if this is true on the shows exploitation themes with mgs being subject to market highs and lows like a commodity. ag#i hate that i thought of a way to make the show sadder somehow#sorry mutuals this probably doesnt make sense its late and im tired n stressied#my posts#deltaruins tags#aghhhhh#also reread the last line now im imaginging the wings of magius platforming against witch immigrants using a barrier (wall)#like some magical girl trump#anyway i am become sleepy again. will see notifications on the morrow. good eve
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a nightingale sang in berkeley square being aziraphale and crowley's song, the nightingale representing what they've felt for each other through the years, crowley being the one to say it out loud and address the fact that the nightingale was there, that it was real and then saying that neither of them can hear it now, aziraphale fully taking in what crowley meant, aziraphale looking away, aziraphale about to cry, crowley kissing aziraphale in a desperate attempt to mend things, knowing things were over but still trying all the same, aziraphale saying "i forgive you" but for what? for kissing him? for confessing only when everything was too late? for saying there were no more nightingales? and then we got crowley saying "don't bother" and walking away but still waiting outside to see aziraphale leave for heaven and maybe it's because he wanted to see aziraphale for as long as he could before they parted ways or maybe it's because deep down he was still hoping for things to change — either way i am GOING TO THROW UP
#girl what the hell#my town's local asylum is about to gain a new patient SOON#sorry for this stream of consciousness ass post the spirit of james joyce is overwhelming sometimes#mom the queers are at it again#mr gaiman i am in your walls. under the cement you walk on. i am There#i cannot cope#i cannot deal#i cannot do this#i cannot#meltdown#spiraling#breakdown#good omens#aziracrow#aziraphale#crowley#david tennant#michael sheen
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You know I actually never realized this before-- so you remember how tri. retconned Original Chosen fighting and defeating Apocalymon into them fighting the Dark Masters instead? (To be fair it is possible they could've ALSO fought Apocalymon afterwards but that isn't the Epic Final Showdown tri. decided to depict so it's borderline a retcon)
If the Original 5 Chosen fought and defeated the Dark Masters once in the distant past, doesn't that mean that
A) They survived and hid for just a few thousand years until they came back for a Round 2 at conquering the world
B) They died, were reborn, and THEN went for the Round 2
You know I've just DYING with curiosity, desperately wanting to know if any of the villians in Adventure would ever be reborn after Adventure, right. Because according to the lore they should, right (unless their data was like somehow absorbed by Apocalymon and destroyed along with him (though that would still leave Piemon as an exception (and Vamdemon but we all know what happened to him) and the sole survivor))
And what tri. has essentially done is confirm that most of them should, in fact, be reborn sooner or later
But that just raises the question of if Apocalymon was lowkey driving the Dark Masters nuts (as suggested by the novels), and if tri. was kind of about destroying the last remnants of Apocalymon's data (within Meicoomon), if they were reborn this time would they be free of Apocalymon's influence
If so, would their third (?) lives then turn out different? Would they still try to take over the world all over again for funsies (this time just without Apocalymon giving them power etc), or were they just the same as Ken was in Zero Two? I mean Apocalymon was supposed to be a spawn of Milleniummon and Ken was infected with Mille's malice directly, so while it may have been a bit filtered it was still the same source of malice and corruption, right
And like regardless of how their next lives would turn out, shouldn't the kids (OR AT THE VERY FUCKING LEAST GENNAI) like realize that this is going to happen eventually and like. Go and see if they can find them (either as their pre-Ultimate forms or even when they're still in their Eggs) and try to figure out what to do BEFORE shit hits the fan
I JUST
#Sorry I'm rewatching the second half of Adventure while working (it improves my focus actually) and#Oh the brainworms are real#Text post#I'm sorry I'm just thinking about Pinocchimon. My sweet poor murder child just needed friends 😭#But even if he was reborn without the craving for blood- who would be friends with him. After all he did in his past life#Who would want to be friends with him. Who would forgive him#IS HE GONNA BE DOOMED TO BE ALONE FOREVER. I'M 😭😭😭#Meanwhile for all we know Piemon is still stuck in that other dimension 10 years later lmao#Depending on if tri.'s reboot ever affected him at all or not because god fucking knows we'll never find out#(Or if he even COULD be affected by the reboot to begin with. God knows Wizarmon seemed to be fucking IMMUNE to it)#(Even though it was supposed to reset EVERYBODY)#But also that could have horrifying implications too if Piemon was just left to cook overnight with a part of Apocalymon#Like Apocalymon is just a collection of grudge and hate from Digimon who've gone extinct right#What's stopping that part of Apocalymon from just restarting the collection of hatred and grudge all over again#This time using Piemon as a vessel to just contain it#Like Apocalymon came from beyond the Wall of Fire to begin with so it's not like dimensional barriers should stop him either#I mean the good news is that there probably haven't been that many Digimon species that've gone extinct after Adventure#But still kids. Y'all might have a timebomb on your hands#Edited to remove some of excessive cursing lmao. I was feeling very intense when writing this sorry lmao
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