#tracked time on this piece was 4 hours and 45 minutes :') | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fingfamily-blog-blog · 1 year

Text

A Busy 36 Hours

From Friday morning, Novermber 25th to Saturday 3 pm, I had a very busy time. First was a presentation to the Geography Department about my essay structure ideas. The second was conducting tests for a group of doctoral students. The third was making a Thanksgiving presentation to a group of students called Access America. More on all those shortly. But the piece de resistance was leaving the house at 10:45 pm Friday in order to catch a bus to the Tengger Caldera, which contains Mt. Bromo. The Bromo-Tengger-Semeru National Park is widely referred to as a must-see place. I've seen pictures of it, and they are kind of unreal. The Tengger Caldera is a massive collapsed volcano which has spawned 4 separate volcano cones since its collapse. I've seen Yellowstone, and I've seen the Aso Caldera on Kyushu, Japan. So I was looking forward to seeing Bromo etc. But at 10 pm, I was considering staying home. Who wants to leave their house on a Friday night with no expectation to sleep and to return home the following afternoon exhausted? Well, I suppose some people look forward to such circumstances, but I'm guessing few of them are 57-years-old. I was going to miss the USA v. England World Cup match! And I just didn't feel like I wanted to endure what I would have to to see this place. But my inner-traveler prevailed. I gave up my night's sleep, and added to the strain of the other efforts (more on that later) and got to the bus and began what is a three-hour journey to the Caldera Sunrise Point. I learned more about that journey in the daylight on the way home, but going in, I encountered 5 separate parts of the trip. First was from Malang to Tumpang, the cushiest part of the travel. We were in a big bus, smooth ride, everyone in a good mood. In Tumpang we switched to Jeeps and various assorted 4-wheel-type vehicles. I got into the front seat of a longer one, with 6 students in the back, on benches. Most held only 4 or 5. These vehicles were made for way off-roading, but I never bothered to imagine what that off-roading would look and feel like. First, we took the road up, up, up, through winding forests. Then we went down, down, down, on more broken and slickly-wet pavement. Then we were off-road in a way I've never been. Absolute darkness, plus a white-out fog all around, and the driver kept chugging ahead over abrupt grassy hillocks, around swimming pool sized puddles, of at least two feet depth, and through wide open spaces of compact mud and rutted tracks. It was like a roller-coaster ride. I kept hearing Bob Dylan in my head, "After a rockin', reelin', rollin' ride, we wound up on the downtown side." I was thankful that I was sitting in the front. One of our students had to stop his Jeep and exit out the back to vomit into the night. Then we went back up hill again, steep, slow, and surrounded by night. We arrived at our location with about 90 minutes before sunrise - too much. I didn't know where we were in relation to the caldera, but we were close. We hung out, trying to stay warm. We were at alpine altitude, and several of my students wanted me to admit that the temperatures were like winter. Although I was not warm by any definition, I assured them that this temperature was like a regular November day in the northern USA, and that winter was significantly colder 24-hours per day. I'm sure they wished otherwise, so they could say they'd felt it. But most of them shivered to think that they might have to spend 3 full months of their lives freezing worse than at the sunrise point of Mt. Bromo. And by sunrise point, what I mean is the place where thousands gather daily to watch the light come down over the caldera. Easily 1000 Jeeps jockeyed up to and around the peak area, carrying approx. 5000 people. At least 700 of them were with us at one of the sunrise points. And I'd like to say it was bothersome - it WAS - a travesty of nature abused by tourism. But when the light started to open up on the caldera, there was nothing else for me. I took pictures in the darkness, of the stars and Mars shining above. I took pictures of the slivers of orange light to the east. I took gray-blue pics of the fog that hangs under the peaks of the volcanoes. I wandered up and down the path along the sunrise point and I took at least 45 photos in one hour. Some of them reveal the spectacular nature of the place. I've been to Canyonlands and Arches in south-eastern Utah. I've been to the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone. A silly, subjective and relative comparison, but the Tengger Caldera is, in and of itself better than any one thing at either of those places. I can't compare it to the Grand Canyon, because the Grand Canyon is about 30-times bigger than the Caldera. When the light reveals the ridges of the lava flows from the various eruptions, it's like looking at a super-double-dog-gigantic Yayoi Kusama pumpkin, as the fog moves around the basin of the caldera, supplemented by the steam rising from the active Bromo crater. The scale is astounding. After the daylight filled the caldera, we drove down into the basin, and looked up at the Kusama cones, deeply-ridged, covered in light and dark greens, shaded by the shifting light and cloud cover. The floor of the basin is ash and cinder and one knows that beneath one's feet is a massive volcano the size of Manhattan island. The students were having a great time, taking pictures of themselves, and I tried to take it easy because my previous 30 hours had been so hectic. But then they told me I could climb the Mt. Bromo crater and look inside its roiling furnace. I'm guessing that climb was about 1000 of the steepest steps I've ever taken. I'm in shape, but I was sweating and breathing heavily with that effort and I could tell by my labored breathing, a kind of asthmatic wheezing, that the Jeep-exhaust, the ashen-dust and the unrelenting schedule were taking their toll on me. But I didn't stop. I made it to the top and loved every minute of it, looking down again, but much more closely on two of the cones of the caldera, listening to the volcano boil below, watching the steam accumulate hundreds of feet above me, while I looked down a hundred feet into a burning hell. This was nature at its most compelling. Honestly, like with Ubud, Bali, I felt that I had stepped out of time altogether, and wished I didn't have to step back in. Much more to say, but my wife and younger son are coming to Java next month, and now I have a good reason to endure that 6-hour round-trip journey again, for the asynchronous unreality of its features. Check out my Instagram (dselbyfing or bugs pacino) for a couple of dandy photos. The Geography Dept. session was like so many other of my heralded public appearances on campus, more hype than substance. I thought - again, why do I allow myself such "thoughts"? - that I'd be speaking to teachers. While there were 3 teachers there, the majority of the participants were students, and ones who appeared forced to be there. Not a good audience. And, as I've said before, they brought me here to help with academic writing on various levels, but every time I offer a different take on academic writing (which they ARE NOT succeeding at) I get frowns and "but that's not the way we do it" gobbledy-gook. So I let that drop off my back like water on a duck, etc. The proctoring tests was really just a hassle. I don't know how much I've said on this subject, but the IELTS test is made to bamboozle the students, made to fail them, created to guide them in the wrong direction and blame them for it. But that's what I did, judge them by impossible criteria, and undermine their confidence - exactly the opposite of EVERYTHING I stand for as a teacher. But I was relieved of some of my duties there because I had my Thanksgiving presentation to make. For that, I had to walk across campus at 1 pm - and it's rainy season. And the rain started falling, and the lightning centered right over head, and the thunder was almost simultaneous with the lightning. In a matter of moments I was soaked, and scared shitless, running from one useless cover to the next, splashing my feet in 5-inch puddles, water running down my back and shoulders because my umbrella is too small. I forced myself to carry on and get to my destination, to be a professional, and that worked out, but I spent the next two hours speaking, taking questions, and eating a faux-Thanksgiving meal, in my sodden clothes. So, I said it has been a busy period of time. I'm pretty wrecked now and expect to fall into my second head-cold here in Malang. But I feel good too. These are the experiences I wanted to have. I've said as much before. Even the bad stuff has value. And there was more good than bad in the last 36 hours.

0 notes

watcher-jimmy-au · 2 years

Text

Page 3 - Watcher!Jimmy AU

1 / 2 / 3 / ?

[Start transcript:

Panel 1: Martyn and Pearl stand near the edge of a cliff, overlooking plains surrounded by mountains. The sky is a dull blue and dotted with some clouds. They both have their backs to the camera, with Martyn standing a bit closer and Pearl standing further away, near the edge.

Panel 2: Pearl turns to face Martyn. “We can’t stay here. We have to find everyone.”

Panel 3: Martyn turns away slightly, hugging himself slightly while standing very tensely. He is grimacing, and his eyes are turned down.

Panel 4: The camera zooms in on Martyn, who has untensed a little and lowered his arms. he is still angled away from Pearl and his eyes are still looking down. “Why? They all hate each other anyways.”

Panel 5: The camera switches to be zoomed in on Pearl’s face in a front view. She is looking away, somewhat nervously. “It’s the server doing this, not them.”

Panel 6: It goes back to Martyn in a frontal view. He is grimacing and his eyebrows are furrowed, trying to contain his emotions. “Yeah, I know that.”

Panel 7: Martyn turns to face Pearl fully. His head and eyes are tilted towards the ground, and his shoulders are slumped while his arms hang at his sides. “That’s the problem.”

Panel 8: The camera pans out to show Martyn beginning to walk towards Pearl, who is nervously rubbing her arm. Martyn is reaching out a hand as he walks. “The server’s making them hate each other,”

Panel 9: With the view being behind Pearl, Martyn grips her shoulders and finally makes eye contact. He is tense and clearly uncomfortable. In the background, the sky has gone dark. “And it’s only a matter of time before it makes us hate each other too.”

End transcript]

Other info and ramblings under the cut!

I STILL don’t have a drawing tablet, BUT I have gotten better at using my track pad. This piece took a 3 hours and 45 minutes, which is still a lot, but wayyy better than before! With the time of the initial sketch (approx. 15 minutes), I’d estimate that it was roughly 4 hours total. That’s about 2 hours less than the first page! I’ll count that as a win.

Also, a much I’d love to let y’all know what happens to Jimmy after the last page, I’m not going to spoil anything just yet. The answer will come in time... Until then, Pearl and Martyn, my beloveds.

#jimmy solidarity #canary jimmy #martyn inthelittlewood #inthelittlewood #inthelittlewood fanart #last life martyn #last life martyn fanart #pearlescentmoon #pearlescentmoon fanart #last life pearl #last life pearl fanart #last life jimmy #100 hours jimmy #my au art

64 notes · View notes

sagemusesoutloud · 3 years

Text

Anti-Romantic, Part 2

(credit to the original owner of the image)

Character | Jaehyun x reader

Genre | nonidol!au, Mutual Pining, Slowburn, Fluff

WordCount | 2 K (bitesized for your convenience lol)

Author'sNote | I know this is kinda short, but I've decided not to rush the ending. I'm for sure not drag it out too much, but the slowburn reaaaally got to me and I ended up liking more than I orginially thought, so! I'll be back to post Part 3 tomorrow!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

I know that you love me, It makes me deeply drunk

You’re like champagne, I shouldn’t do this

You’re at the base of the stairs to your apartment complex when he pulls up. The window on the passenger side rolls down.

“Hurry! I think they’re about to wash the machines at the ice cream shop!” he reaches over and opens your door while you grab your two bags and your pillow. You loved him, you really did, but he had the flattest, most uncomfortable pillows in the world in his guestroom.

“What? Why didn’t you stop there before picking me up? It’s not like you don’t know what I like.” You’re trying to move all your stuff to the backseat as he pulls away.

He sighs, “Thank you Jae, you’re so nice to pick me up,” he mutters. You’d be a bit apologetic if it wasn’t for the grin he was trying to hide. “I’ve already spent most of my ‘special’ day alone, thanks to someone who had to bail on me. I wanna spend the rest with you.”

“I knew it, it bothered you didn’t it?” You accused while fastening your seatbelt. “Next time, just tell me, I know it seems as if I know everything but I actually can’t read minds.” You knew he was just messing with you but for some reason his words cut at the guilty feeling you were trying to push away. “I actually got you something this time around, it’s why I wanted to see you before the day ended.”

Jae parks the car outside the shop before turning to you, “wait, did you really get me something?” You sigh, offended, “well, if you don’t want it or don’t like the idea of it, then I can still return it.”

“I just thought of you when I saw it…” crap, it’s too soon for you to go anywhere near that subject.

“That’s not what I meant,” he shakes his head, “It’s just been a while since we shared birthday gifts.” You look away from him. If he kept this up, you’ll start to regret calling him. Your hands were slightly shaking with the effort of not reaching over and pouring all your feelings into him. Unlike what you’re used to, he was dressed down with a simple t-shirt and grey sweats. He looked so soft, and domestic. You hated how much you loved it. At least for work, you had both always been professionally dressed, which was a nice barrier for your thoughts. If you dressed professional, you felt professional. This helped control your thoughts. But now that you were here with him, it was definitely harder to keep track of your thoughts.

Today was a day for him, not for you. You took in a deep breath as you turn to look at the shop. It looked like they were getting ready to start closing duties. Even if you weren’t looking at him, you could feel your heart race with acute awareness to his proximity in the small car. He was waiting for a response.

You open your door, “yeah well…if we don’t hurry, we won’t get those diabetes-inducing bombs you’re so fond of. And this all would have been for naught.” You needed to get a grip, fast.

I can clearly see the end, Worse than a hangover

It will be hard, Now, Just end it somewhere here

“I can’t believe you told them it was my birthday,” he groaned, pushing off his shoes at the door. You followed suit.

“Of course I did, it meant free goodies!” You raise the plastic bag with macarons. “It just sucks that they’re all valentine’s themed.” You make your way to the kitchen to put away the snacks you brought, dumping your overnight bag at the door of the guestroom. Maybe if you kept the heart-shaped gift out of sight, it won’t make you as nervous with him.

“I brought your fave by the way, chocolate covered almonds and gummy bears,” you call out. He appears in the kitchen, hair out of his way with a headband. Be still my heart, you thought. You decide to hyper-focus on placing some snacks on a plate to bring to the living room.

“So, what’s the plan?” He reaches over you to grab a water bottle from the fridge, brushing your hip with his front. No no no no no no no!

Was he teasing you? You knew that your face would give you away, you could feel how warm your ears and cheeks were. You hated how honest your face was, and it didn’t help that Jae knew you like the back of his hand. Maybe this is how he is nowadays? Flirty and confident? You’d be lying if you didn’t find it attractive, but not when his attention was only directed at you. You felt like you were slowly suffocating but even that wouldn’t stop the warm light that seemed to burst from your chest.

It seemed so easy to pretend you were closer to him, to pretend this happened all the time. That you were close enough to reciprocate his flirty actions.

“uh, em,” you clear your throat, “actually, I remembered you wanting to see that movie last time we hung out. I have it ready in my apple tv account.” You back away with the tray, “can you also grab me a water?” your throat was suddenly parched.

You settle in the couch, grabbing the throw blanket behind you. Any physical barrier you could place between you, you’d take it gratefully. “You remembered? That was almost three months ago, when the trailer came out.” He handed you your water and grabbed at the corner of the blanket nearest to him, covering himself with it and moving closer to you so that you both could fit under it.

“Jae, there’s another blanket on your side of the couch,” you wanted to feel embarrassed but you just felt an unexpected giddy feeling at him wanting to be near you. “Yeah but it’s my birthday and this blanket is my favorite,” he says as he pulls you closer and wraps his arm behind you on the couch.

“here, put in your credentials so we can start the movie,” he hands you the remote.

You suddenly thank your lucky stars that the movie was an action packed one and not a romantic one. You couldn’t help but sink further into his side, wanting to be comfortable. As the movie starts, he takes the remote from your hand and wraps your arm around him. “I’m cold, keep me warm,” he mutters. Oh sweet Jesus.

Back in the day, this wouldn’t have been something new. Your friends knew you were very heavy with the affectionate touches. A hug, sharing seats, even holding hands. You never shied away from it because it was part of how you showed your friends that you loved them. Some of your friends were also this way, so it was never weird. But now that you’re older, and now that it’s been a long long time since you’ve been close to someone else, the once innocent touches Jae was giving you felt like hot brands across your shoulders and under your arm. If you focused enough, you could feel his hard work at the gym in the way your softness gave way to the hard contours of his leg that pressed against yours and how your shoulder leaned against his chest.

This was going to be a long movie.

You prayed that Jae wouldn’t ask you what the movie was about, you only had enough sanity to pay attention to the first fifteen minutes. It was all a blur after Jae pulled you half over on his lap, “you’re hogging the blanket, move over,” was the only excuse he gave.

Now, your legs were tangled with his and you sat almost on his lap, his arms encircling you from behind. He felt so soft and every little movement made your skin break out in goosebumps. You felt like a live wire about to explode.

“D-did you like it?” you started shifting to the side so you could face him but he held you tighter in place, resting his chin on your shoulder. “yeah, it was pretty good, we have to wait for the end credits though. I heard that they’re starting to give hints about The Eternals.”

“Did you like it?” he squeezes your middle.

Did you? You’re not sure, but you sure as hell loved the attention you were getting for the past two and half hours. “Yeah, all Marvel movies are great,” you finally concede.

“Wanna watch another one? You can pick this time,” his hand started tracing through your arm as you waited for the stupid end scene that was taking too long to start. Is it getting hot in here?

“Sure, whatever you want,” you mutter. He could have asked you for the most ridiculous thing and you would have still agreed to it.

Jae wakes with a start, the room was dark, the only light came from the still on TV. A show was playing softly, the clock under the tv read 3:45 am. He felt pretty hot, was the A/C not working?

He begins to shift when he realizes the position you both are in. Your legs were still tangled together, as if unconsciously refusing to let go of the proximity. You gripped his shoulder, your breath hitting his neck as you slept soundly on top of him. God, if this is a dream, let me never wake up, he thinks.

He usually hates being too close to someone, any sort of intimacy was bad news to Jaehyun. Either emotionally or physically, he kept everyone at a distance because he had seen it too often. How people settled for something they weren’t sure of and hurting those involved. He was aware he was too logical sometimes, but it’s what he knew to protect himself. Moments like these, they only lead to expectations and empty feelings, leaving behind only pain that even time couldn’t heal sometimes.

But why was he finding it so hard to untangle himself from your embrace? He should go to his bed and sleep comfortably, but at the same time, having you in his arms felt just right. Like two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together.

He could smell the light scent that was you and it almost made him squeeze you closer, as if it was possible. You smelled of spring, a light floral scent that reminded him of better days.

He was glad he woke up, he was going to enjoy every second of peace this brought him. He would store it in a little box and hold on tightly when the cold reality came back. As he fought with his drowsiness, he felt you nestle closer. He kissed the crown of your head as he finally gave in to sleep. I hope I dream of you… If this was love, he finally understood why sometimes the pain was worth a shot.

So stupid, sweet love song, extravagant rom-com

As much as I was happy, on the receipt there’s a red line

EndNote | I know this chapter was pretty short. In all honesty, I had written something else before deleting it entirely and starting again, but I really like the direction the story is going now. Hopefully I can update Part 3 tomorrow, but I'm really excited about it!

Previous: Part 1 | Next: Part 3

90 notes · View notes

super-cool--cow · 3 years

Text

Love and letters -- Harry Styles

Word count: 1515

Summary: You have left Harry to work in Paris but you can’t stop thinking about him in the train.

Warnings: Violence (not explicit), angst, death

*not my gif*

The city looks beautiful from here. Like this, it's just a city where people can dream and live and love. Love without problems and fights, but just good, lovely, movie-love.

From here, people don’t break up and they definitely don't do it by packing a bag and leaving a note before the other wakes up. Only horrible people would do that.

And yet, here you are. Sitting in a train towards France, with a suitcase under your seat. You look at your watch, 6.23 am.

His alarm will ring in seven minutes. He will wake up to find you gone... He will walk out into the kitchen, thinking that you’re making breakfast for the two of you, but instead he’ll find a letter next to the oranges.

---

“Baby? Are you ready? The reception is in an hour so we have to hurry!” You yell as soon as you step through the door. You get no answer.

When you step into the kitchen, Harry’s standing with his back to you. You walk over to him and wrap your arms around his waist. “What are you looking at, Bub?” you ask him, trying to see over his shoulder.

You freeze when you see the letter in his hands. “Harry, I- I can explain.” Your arms fall away from him as he turns around, clutching the piece of paper in his tightened fist.

“Why does it say here that they’re excited to greet you at your new job and that they’ve set up your office? And why does it say that it’s in Paris?” he asks through clenched teeth.

“I- I got a job in Paris... I’m moving there next week,” you tell him while staring at your feet.

---

“Ma'am? Ma’am?” Your thoughts are interrupted as a woman looks down at you. She almost looks like a flight attendant or something like that. “Ma’am would you like something to drink?” You see the filled up cart in front of her, realizing that she’s a... I don’t know, ‘train attendant’?

“Uhm, yes. Yes, thank you. A cup of coffee?” She smiles at you warmly. If you could be hugged by her for about an hour you’re pretty sure that everything will be better.

She hands you the steaming cup and you pay her. She rolls down to the next occupied seat in the train, leaving you alone with your thoughts once again. It’s 6:34 now. Has he found the letter? Maybe he’s pressed snooze so that he can sleep a little longer. Every part of you hurts at the thought of hurting him. I’m a terrible person...

---

“Were you ever going to tell me?!” Harry yells at you, pacing back and forth in the living room. You’re standing by the couch with your arms crossed.

“Of course I was going to tell you! I just didn’t know how to!” you shout back at him. He stops dead in his tracks, staring right at you. You can almost see the fire, the hurt, in his eyes.

“You didn't know how to tell me that you have accepted a job in Paris?” He walks into your shared bedroom. You stand for a second debating if you should follow him.

When you come into the bedroom he’s standing in front of the closet, back to you.

“Harry, I’m sorry. I really, really am, but I cannot say no to this opportunity for... for...” He turns around slowly.

“For me” he finishes your sentence with ice in his voice. You don’t say anything, you just look at him. He turns around and opens the closet. He pulls out your suitcase. “Leave. Leave right now,” he orders, still not looking at you.

“I- Harry,” you stutter. You’re doing everything you can for the tears to not spill out.

“I don’t wanna hear it. Just get the fuck out of my sight, I can’t even look at you.” The words hit you harder than anything. Harder than a brick in the face or a house in the stomach. But now it isn’t sadness that’s hitting you, it’s absolute rage.

“Get the fuck over yourself Harry. I am not leaving this apartment tonight.” You make your voice as cold as his.

“What did you say?”

“You heard me. You need to grow the fuck up and either have a conversation about this with me or-”

“Or what? You're gonna leave me? You’re already leaving me, right now,” he spits at you.

---

The train comes to a whining halt at the new station. You look out at all of the people standing there.

They probably all have completely ordinary lives with jobs and families, maybe a dog. Like that man standing by the ticket booth. He’s standing with a little girl, maybe around five years old or so. She’s smiling up at him as he pays for the tickets.

He looks down at her and smiles back at her before handing her her ticket. They walk over to the information screen. He lifts her up and says something to her. She smiles and points up at the screen. They look happy, content.

You could have had that with Harry, it’s what he always wanted. And he wanted it with you.

---

“I could come with you,” Harry says. You sit across each other at the dining table, this was the first either one of you had said.

“What?”

“I could come with you to Paris. It’s not that far away and I can technically work anywhere, even the Bahamas for that matter.” He smiles at you with bright eyes.

“I can’t ask you to do that-” “You’re not asking, I’m offering,” he interrupts you and reaches over the table to grab your hand. “Let’s do it, let's move to France together.” You stand up and walk over to him. He pulls you down onto his lap, kissing you softly.

“Okay,” you mumble into the kiss and you can feel his smile.

“Okay.”

---

Your phone starts to ring on the small table in front of you. Quickly you pick up without even looking at the caller-id. “Harry?” you ask as soon as you answer.

“Uhm, no. It’s Caroline, I sat in the booth in front of you?” Of course it’s not Harry, you deleted his number earlier.

“Caroline! Hey, what can I do for you?” You try to sound as normal and cheery as possible but it’s difficult.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on your new job and wish you good luck. You really were a great colleague,” she tells you. The two of you weren’t close but it’s still nice.

“Thank you so much, Caroline. It really means a lot!”

“Well I gotta go now, boss is calling me. But um, eat a croissant for me.” The line crackles and she hangs up.

---

“Goodnight, baby,” Harry whispers and turns off the lights. Wishing minutes he’s asleep, snoring lightly.

But you can’t sleep, thoughts are streaming through your head like the ocean during a thunderstorm. In three days the two of you are leaving for France.

You can’t do this to him, to you. He’ll be unhappy in France, your workload is at least three times as much as it is now. You need to start fresh, without Harry. You love Harry, you really, really do, but this can’t go on.

You fight and you fuck and then everything is fine for a while. You both know it’ll never work. The idea of you and Harry strolling around Champs-Élysées is amazing, but it’s not realistic...

Thoughts like this go through your head until 4:45 am.

You go out into the bathroom. You look yourself in the mirror but you hardly recognise yourself. Bags under your eyes, tired.

You have to go.

You pull out your suitcase from under the bed. It’s the same one that Harry had pulled out less than a week ago.

Quietly you pack your clothes and everything else that’s necessary. Harry stirs a bit in his sleep but he doesn't wake up. You walk over to him and softly press your lips to his. “I love you,” you whisper, before walking into the kitchen.

After finding pen and paper you start to write:

Harry, my love.

I’m sorry that I have to do this to you, but I’ve left for Paris alone. I love you with every part of me and it hurts. And not in a good way.

The way that I love you is absolutely unimaginable, not even Shakespeare would be able to understand it. So I have left.

We both know that this will never work, the two of us, together in Paris. So stay here, be the man I know and love. Find a woman who sees what I see in you and stay with her. Build a family, have children with her, love her.

I won’t come back so don’t look for me. Please.

I love you. Goodbye.

---

A voice comes through the speakers just before your tears start to come out,

“It seems that there are some troubles with the train tracks-” he doesn’t get to say anything else.

An explosion stops time.

You can feel your body getting hurled ups in the air, but the only thing you can see is him.

Harry.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles angst #angst #fanfiction angst #breakup #fanfic #fanfiction

96 notes · View notes

lovebugs-and-snakecharmers · 4 months

Text

LBSC January 2024 Sprint Challenge

The LBSC Sprint Challenge is now open for writers and artists! The prompts are:

1. Marinette introducing Luka as her "Emotional Support Musician" 2. Luka's kids finally get to see him in concert. They are so excited. It's so late, though. They fall asleep. (Maybe Luka sees them on the big screen - it was supposed to be promotional) 3. "Next time I feel butterflies I'm chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown." 4. Luka hasn't been able to play for an extended period of time, his callouses have broken down, and Marinette feels bad for thinking his hand feels weird. 5. Glitter Bomb Gone Wrong: Luka ends up with an eyepatch after Rose gets a little too overzealous with the glitter and he gets a corneal abrasion. 6. Wildcard - pick any previous challenge prompt, or play LBSC Smooch Roulette to generate a prompt!

You have until Wednesday, January 24 to complete your 3 15-minute sprints/45 minute art sprint and post the results. Once you’ve completed the sprints, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions and make it feel complete, and whatever work you feel appropriate to get your art to a state you consider ‘finished’).

Please note you may sprint in the language of your choice, and you can either translate the final fic before posting, post it in the original language, or both as you choose. You can join us on the LBSC discord or sprint on your own! Just be sure to tag @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers in your final post so we will see it and reblog it. The rest of the rules can be found here under the cut.

Rules!

We’ll post a beginning and end date to the challenge, and a prompt.

Writers, If you choose to participate in the event, write for that prompt in up to three 15 minute sprints. No writing outside the sprints until you have completed all three! After the 3 sprints are complete, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions, etc). You can also choose to break that 45 minutes up differently if you find a different split works better for you. After those 24 hours, post what you’ve got. Tag your posts with @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers so we can reblog it to the LBSC blog. If you post your work on AO3 or somewhere other than Tumblr, you can leave a link in our ask box or in the appropriate discord channel so we can be sure to promote it. After the designated challenge end date, we’ll compile a listing of the submissions and post it to the LBSC blog.

Feel free to sprint in whatever language is most comfortable to you! You can post it in your own language or translate it before posting, or both!

Artists, you have 45 minutes to sketch and 24 hours to do any cleanup or coloring you’d like to complete. You can split your 45 minutes up however you like, or not at all. There’s no requirements on your finished piece, just aim for whatever goal seems challenging but achievable to you. Tag your posts with @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers so we can reblog it to the LBSC blog. If you post your work on Instagram or somewhere other than Tumblr, you can leave a link in our ask box or in the appropriate discord channel so we can be sure to promote it. After the designated challenge end date, we’ll compile a listing of the submissions and post it to the LBSC blog.

If you’re wavering as to whether or not you think you can accomplish anything in 45 minutes, we really encourage you to give the challenge a try. You may be surprised what you can do! Feel free to join us in the discord linked above so we can encourage and cheer you on.

Obviously, this has to run a bit on the honor system and we won’t be tracking your times, but please do your best to honor the spirit of the challenge! If your sprint fic becomes an Entire Thing (these things happen sometimes) and you want to continue it, feel free! However, please still post whatever you’ve got after your 3 sprints with the tag. No fair busting out a fully polished fic or art without showing us what it looked like at the challenge stage!

We want to keep this a positive space and event! This does NOT mean that you can’t write or draw anything critical of a character or episode, but it isn’t the space for character bashing or hate either. Please keep the characters in character and save the more speculative work for another time. NSFW sprint works are permitted but must be tagged appropriately (please use “NSFW LBSC sprint challenge” for easy filtering on the blog) and with appropriate warnings. (More FAQ about the process here)

This is a Lukanette blog and a Lukanette event, so while Lukanette does not need to be the main ship, it needs to at least be included or referenced and considered endgame (in other words, they don’t have to be together by the end of your work, but the intent is that they’re headed in that direction). The decision about what qualifies for reblog rests solely with the LBSC moderators. If a piece hasn’t been reblogged within a couple of days, either the mods felt the piece didn’t meet the criteria or it was simply missed; you are welcome to reach out in the asks to inquire which. There are plenty of other spaces out there for other ships and OT3s, and people are welcome to use the challenge rules and prompts to write for their own ships! They just won’t be reblogged to the LBSC blog, and we ask that you please not use the event tag (a modified form is fine - “InsertAlternateShipName sprint challenge” instead of “LBSC sprint challenge,” for example).

Happy sprinting!

#lbsc sprint challenge #lukanette #endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #pro lukamari

16 notes · View notes

eddie-redmayne-italian-blog · 3 years

Text

I never read before, interesting article !

How nurse caught nation’s deadliest serial killer, her co-worker

By Post Staff Report

April 14, 2013 | 4:00am

The Good Nurse: A True Story of Medicine, Madness, and Murder [Hardcover] Charles Graeber For Sunday Postscript

He was supposed to be an angel of mercy — but he was an angel of death, and likely the most prolific serial killer America has ever seen.

Charles Cullen had most recently been a nurse at Somerset Medical Center in New Jersey when he was arrested for killing patients with drug cocktails he secretly administered. He confessed to 40 murders in New Jersey and Pennsylvania — though investigators believe he may have killed as many as 400. He is currently serving 17 life sentences.

It was never revealed how detectives were able to stop him — until now. In a new book, “The Good Nurse,” author Charles Graeber unveils the identity of a confidential informant, Amy Loughren, who cracked the case.

Loughren was another nurse at Somerset, a co-worker and confidant of Cullen. Contacted by detectives, Loughren agreed to provide them files from the hospital, wear a wire to try to get him to confess, even talk to him in the interrogation room.

It was Loughren who first realized the scope of Cullen’s madness. This exclusive excerpt reveals the chilling moment, in November 2003, that Amy Loughren discovered how Cullen was picking — and killing — his victims.

Amy found curious combinations of drugs that Charlie had consistently ordered. The list was long, sometimes half a dozen in a night. Amy knew these drugs to be more commonly used in a cardiac unit. Charlie was working in intensive care. His orders emptied the supply drawers.

Then, time and time again, Charlie ordered a restock from the pharmacy. His position meant he’d be the first to take the delivery. At the time, he was seen as being helpful. Now Amy wasn’t so sure.

The two Somerset detectives who had contacted her, Tim Braun and Danny Baldwin, were investigating the deaths of a handful of patients who had suspicious levels of a heart drug called digoxin in their systems.

HOW HERO NURSE GOT CHARLES CULLEN TO CONFESS

Detectives were trying to trace a single gun; Amy thought this was pointing to an entire arsenal.

Charlie had been bartending, titrating a pharmacopoeial mélange, from both drugs he’d pulled from the cabinet and drugs he hadn’t.

Each drug in the cocktail had a specific biochemical effect. Together, they were a biochemical symphony. In combination, it didn’t require nearly so much of any one drug to push a vulnerable patient over the edge. One drug pushed while the other pulled.

Only the patient’s reaction mattered. The gap of time between the serving of the cocktail and the patient’s reaction was suspenseful. There might be a crash or a code or a Lazarus-like recovery. The cocktail was the riddle and the lab reports were the answer.

Amy had imagination enough to make sense of the patterns, but she couldn’t begin to imagine the monster that amused itself with them. All she was certain of was that it wasn’t the same gentle soul who was her friend Charlie. The emotional disconnect bothered her as much as the murders themselves.

Amy considered herself to be a perceptive person — a spiritual traveler, a listener with well-tuned antennae for the frequency of vibes. Growing up as she did, she had always assumed that if she was near a monster, she would feel it. And yet, standing next to Charlie, she had never felt anything like evil.

Maybe she’d gotten him wrong, or maybe her antennae were broken. Or maybe, Amy thought, she was half blind and could see only the good in people.

Somerset used a computer system for keeping track of patients called Cerner. Charlie’s Cerner pages told her she had assumed wrong. Charlie was not, actually, the world’s greatest nurse, the world’s greatest chart keeper Amy had ever seen. He had hardly typed a line.

It was, in fact, the worst charting Amy had ever seen. There were blotches of words here and there, blurts, spasms of hurried and misspelled observations. It couldn’t have taken him more than a minute to do that work. Whatever he was doing on the computer, it wasn’t input. That meant Charlie had been outputting something.

Amy had to wait until her next shift to print out the rest of the records. This time, she couldn’t wait until she got home. That morning she called ahead, then brought her paperwork to the second floor of the prosecutor’s office to share her discovery with the detectives.

The Cerner automatically kept track of everything a nurse did within the system and provided a time and date stamp of every page a nurse had browsed. Charlie was browsing all night. That was what he was doing. Browsing.

Cullen’s computer records were the most incriminating piece of evidence the Somerset County Prosecutor’s Office had against him thus far. But in order for the detectives to understand it, Amy needed to provide a quick primer.

Cerner had been introduced to the medical profession only a few years before as a compact and efficient way to input notes on patients, to look up their allergies, code status, lab values, etc.

But nurses were only supposed to do that for the patients they were caring for on shift.

What nurses never did, at least not any nurses Amy had ever known, was use Cerner to look up the status of other nurses’ patients. But that, it seemed, was exactly what Charlie Cullen had been doing.

Amy started with Charlie’s June forays into the chart of one patient, the Rev. Florian Gall. The hospital records showed that Gall had gone into cardiac arrest at 9:32 a.m. on the morning of June 28 and died approximately 45 minutes later.

Gall was not Cullen’s assigned patient on the night he died. Yet the Cerner records showed Charles Cullen snooping into Gall’s medical chart at 6:28 a.m., then again at 6:29 a.m. on June 28. He was checking in, only minutes apart, looking for something only a half-hour after a digoxin spike had registered in Gall’s lab work and three hours before the digoxin levels in Gall’s system would stop his heart.

“And that’s just Gall,” Amy said. The Cerner records contained lines and lines of Charlie Cullen’s log-ins at the computer, thousands of them, sometimes hundreds a night.

“He was studying them,” Danny said. “Why the f— was he studying them?”

Amy thought she knew. The nurses had IV bags lined up for them. But what if Charlie had made a drug cocktail, and injected it into one or more of the IV bags sitting by where he worked?

He wouldn’t need to bring them to the patient’s rooms, he wouldn’t need to be present at all. The other nurses — even Amy — would do that work for him. Charlie could simply retreat to his corner and use the Cerner to scan the lab reports and the patient’s progress.

Cerner would tell him where his loaded IVs landed. He wouldn’t need to be present for the death to feel the impact; you could just scan back on the Cerner anytime and follow the action.

It could be that same night or the next day, it didn’t matter; the event was always available on the screen to be relived again and again.

Was that what he was doing? Amy felt her heart beginning to sicken. She had delivered his drug cocktails.

And her friend Charlie had been following the action across the ward, like the box scores on a sports page.

Excerpted from “The Good Nurse: A True Story of Medicine, Madness, and Murder” (Twelve), by Charles Graeber, out tomorrow.

19 notes · View notes

leafs-lover · 3 years

Text

Because Two People Got Drunk: 29

Series Masterlist

Chapter 29

A/N: I am not a doctor and have no medical training (besides 13 seasons of Greys). Italics represent a flashback and some of your thoughts. This chapter is written from Fred’s POV.

Summary: The high you’re feeling from winning the second round comes to an abrupt end.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, mentions of car accident

Word Count: 7600

Fred’s POV

“Good game tonight Fred” Kyle the NBC sportscaster says. You run your hands through your hair damp with sweat having just gotten off the bike.

“Thanks, yeah the boys really came together and played a full 60 minutes and we pulled out the W” you answer. You grab your towel and wipe the sweat from your forehead “the boys did a good job at limiting their chances and keeping them away from the slot, kept my job pretty easy” you chuckle slightly.

“Yeah it was a good effort all around. You looking forward to a couple days off before the conference finals?” he asks you. The other matchup being Toronto and Tampa is tied after 4 games, they play game 5 tomorrow night, but the series will need at least 6 games to be decided.

“Yeah it will be good for us to have a few days without games. Be able to allow some of the boys to rest, I know some of them got a little banged up this series” you explain shifting around on your feet, hoping to wrap this up to jump in the shower to get home to (Y/N). Tonight is the first day she has been willing to talk and you don’t want to miss any time with her. You bring your water bottle up to your lips taking a sip of Gatorade while the interview continues.

“What did you think of the power play? Sidney alluded to some issues and needing some work if you want to be successful in the conference finals.”

“Yeah well I think you guys have mentioned it a lot in interviews and post game coverage. We know there is some work needed in that aspect of the game. So we can use the next few days to refocus and figure out how to generate some momentum from that. Both Toronto and Tampa have a very good P.K. so we need to have success on our power play to advance to the finals.”

“Well thank you and good luck Freddie” Kyle says.

“Thank you” you respond smiling.

Him and the other sportscasters turn their attention to the coach and you finally head into the showers. You look at the clock and see it’s about 45 minutes after the game. Wanting to get home quickly you decide to have a quick shower at the rink, and have a full one later. You can’t wait to cuddle up beside (Y/N) for the first time in weeks, feel your boys kick while you breathe in her fruity conditioner. While you know there is some difficult conversations still to be had, you just want to wrap yourself around her for a few hours first.

After a quick shower you throw your game day suit back on. It’s your navy three piece suit with a light grey vest, it’s (Y/N)’s favourite and you like to think it brought you good luck tonight. You leave the top button of your white dress shirt undone, reaching for your tie.

A few hours ago you were in the bathroom finishing getting ready when Oliver came running in with a present for you. It was something he and (Y/N) saw online and ordered a couple weeks ago and it just came in. He had the biggest smile on his face, carrying the box with a simple grey bow.

(Y/N) was leaning on the doorway watching the exchange with a small grin on her face, you could see it reflecting back to you on the mirror. Her hair was in gentle waves, no makeup on her face. She had on a pair of track pants with a black tee that was a little too small, the bottom of her bump exposed. All you wanted was to kiss her, but you didn’t want to push her limits; even if she did give you a soft kiss a few hours ago.

You opened the box and revealed a black silk tie with Toy Story characters in various poses stitched into it.

“It’s lightyear and woody!” your son cheers smiling and you chuckle lightly, this being one of his favourite movies.

“Wow, thanks Ollie this is great” you say running your fingers on the fabric.

“I was actually looking at ties for him for the wedding this summer, when he saw this one and he loved it. I asked if he wanted it, and he said daddy would” (Y/N) explains walking over to the vanity resting against the counter a few inches from you.

“Well you’re right” you say smiling at Oliver “I love it buddy!”

“Wear it daddy” Oliver exclaims.

“You think I should wear it to the game tonight?” you ask him.

He nods his head with a huge smile “yeah!” you can feel the excitement radiating off of him.

You look at (Y/N) who raises an eyebrow at you with a light chuckle. You don’t exactly have a reputation for wild or colourful suits, leaving that style to the younger boys. You set the box down and turn back to the mirror, you begin to loosen the navy blue one you normally pair this look with. (Y/N) walks forward a few steps and picks up the tie, removing it from the packaging and putting the fabric around your neck.

She begins to effortlessly tie your tie for you, she smiles at you her face a few inches from yours. You smell her conditioner, and don’t break eye contact with her while she tucks the tie in your vest. You see the faint freckles on her nose, the pinkness to her cheeks and take a gulp having missed her touch more than you even noticed. She has a slight smile on her face while she adjusts your collar and smooths the fabric making it straight and stepping back “what do you think Ollie?”

“It’s perfect” he exclaims jumping into your arms. “Good luck daddy” he says wrapping his arms around your neck. You holds his tiny body against your chest, his legs dangling while you kiss his cheek.

“Thanks bud, I’m going to have so many saves because of my new tie” you say setting him down. He brings a hand up, giving you your pre-game fist bump before leaving the bathroom.

You turn your attention to (Y/N) who steps in front of you, she places her arms on your biceps and leans in close to your ear. Goosebumps build feeling her breath on your neck “good luck Fred” she whispers and you shiver, feeling her words sending a tingle to your spine.

She pulls her face back, now looking up into your eyes, without thinking you bring your lips down to hers and your hands down to her hips. She steps into your embrace, wrapping her arms around your neck opening her mouth to allow you entrance. Her hands tangle into your hair, and you are tempted to slide your hands down to give her ass a light squeeze but you don’t want to push your luck. You settle with your hands resting on the small of her back.

Your tongues fight for dominance, a soft moan slipping from her lips has you almost gets you hard. She finally pulls back smiling while you take a gasp of air. She places another soft kiss on your lips before stepping back to the counter with a smirk.

“Thanks (Y/N)” you say wiping the side of your mouth.

“Talk to you later tonight” she says while you lean in to place a kiss on her cheek. She grips your arms and pulls away “you’re going to be late” she says softly causing you to groan before turning around and heading out for the game.

You smile running the smooth fabric through your fingers remembering the exchange from earlier that day. You loosely wrap it around your neck, not bothering to tuck it into the vest. You know there are some extremely difficult conversations to come tonight and over the next few days, but you are extremely grateful (Y/N) is willing to talk. Her showing up at the game shows how lucky you are to have this amazing woman. She could have just asked Kathy or Christina to bring him, but her coming gives you hope for how the next few days will go.

After gathering your belongings from your stall you open the dressing room door with your cell phone in your hand. Assuming (Y/N) left after the game you unlock your phone expecting to see a “congrats” text from her, but your screen display is empty.

“Daddy” you hear a voice identical to Oliver’s call out. You look up, gazing the room for the child and see your son in his Andersen jersey and red curls running towards you.

“Hey Oliver” you say bending down to hug him. His arms wrap around your neck while you stand up holding him against you. “What are you doing here?” you ask scanning the area for (Y/N) surprised she would wait with how she has been feeling.

“You were so good daddy!” he squeals ignoring you. “Maybe you will play Uncle Auston and Uncle Mitch!”

You laugh lightly making your way through the crowded hallway, you begin to head to the lounge assuming she found a comfortable spot to wait for you.

“Hey Fred” you hear a voice call from beside you, you turn to your left to see Kathy. “(Y/N) wasn’t feeling the best so she left after the first period.” She pulls out a set of car keys and hands them to you.

“She took the car home? She must have been super uncomfortable to get in that thing” you laugh. “Thanks, how was this guy?” you ask shifting him on your hip. You look at your son and see his eyes getting heavy causing a light smile to cross your face. Oliver rests his head on your shoulder as Kathy responds “he was great. He was very into the game, his eyes were glued to the ice the entire time. He also ate a lot of popcorn” she further explains. You laugh lightly at that and kiss his forehead “but he was great. Never stopped smiling”

“That’s awesome, thanks again Kathy. He has been laying the guilt on (Y/N) for not going to games, I’m sure he was thrilled to get to stay.” You wrap your free arm around her giving her a side hug “well I’m happy to bring him with me anytime.”

“You say thank you to Kathy for keeping an eye on your tonight?” you ask Oliver.

“Thank you Kathy” your soon coos on your shoulder.

“Anytime Ollie” she smiles “have a good night Fred” she says smiling and turning down the hall to find Sid. You head to the car Oliver resting his head on your shoulder, you hear his soft breathing thinking he has fallen asleep against you. You buckle Oliver into his car seat and pull away looking at him, you see his brown eyes are open, very heavy but open.

“Hey bud” you say wiping his hair from his face “you tired?” you ask him. He still has a big smile glued to his face, even if his eyes are struggling to stay open.

“No daddy” he mumbles shaking his head. You place a quick kiss on his cheek and get into the driver’s seat, you adjust all the settings and get comfortable. You start the short drive home, knowing traffic will be light at this late hour.

“You have fun tonight?” you ask Oliver driving down the street slowly, avoiding the fans who are celebrating on the street. You see brake lights ahead, which is unusual for this time of day, but sigh slowing the car.

“Yeah daddy, so much fun!” he cheers from the back seat as you stop. You look in the review mirror and see him looking out the window at the surroundings.

“Well make sure you thank mommy for taking you” you say smiling.

“I will daddy” he says, you see him smile before you turn your attention back to the road. There is 3 streetlights before you get on the onramp, and the lights ahead of you have switched from red to green a few times, yet you haven’t moved. You want to turn the radio on for an update on traffic, but you also don’t want it to keep Oliver awake. You shift slightly in your seat as you pull up a few car lengths, approaching the first intersection.

“Daddy why aren’t we moving?” you hear him mumble from the backseat.

You look into the review, and his eyes are barely awake while his head nods on and off. You chuckle and decide to not answer, knowing he is seconds away from passing out. You tap your finger on the steering wheel and begin to advance closer to the first light.

You see a police officer in the middle of the intersection directing cars to turn at the intersection, likely because of an accident; a bad one if they are diverting traffic away from the area. You groan, knowing your quick drive will be longer but follow the flow of traffic around the corner.

About 15 minutes later you are finally back on track, merging onto the freeway. You scan the review mirror and see Oliver fast asleep, his head leaning back and mouth wide open. The only good thing about the delay getting home is that Oliver will be fast asleep when you get home, and there is no chance of you waking him up putting him in bed.

The rest of your drive is smooth and you finally pull up and open your gate. While making your way slowly up your driveway, you take in the scenery that is illuminated by the full moon while the garage gradually opens. When it finally opens you notice the BMW isn’t parked in there. You stop and look around the driveway trying to see if (Y/N) parked outside and you didn’t notice it but don’t see anything.

You put the SUV in park you check your phone and don’t see any missed calls or texts from (Y/N).

F: Hey babe, just got home and you’re not here. You okay?

You carefully scoop Oliver up from his car seat, resting his head on your shoulder making your way to his room. I’m sure she just went to her grandparents, it’s closer to the arena you think setting Oliver down on his bed. You gently strip the jersey off, and pull his shoes off his feet; you decide to leave him in his pants and t-shirt he was wearing underneath in order to not wake him.

“Goodnight Ollie” you whisper placing a kiss on his forehead gently pulling his Penguins comforter up to his chin tucking him in. “Love you” you say pulling the door, but leaving it open a crack to allow in a little light from the hall.

You pull your phone out and see no new notifications, you click back on your conversation and the message hasn’t been delivered yet. You scowl lightly knowing every car has a charger in it, so her phone isn’t dead. You walk down the hall to the bedroom, sitting on the bed wrinkling the duvet slightly pulling your tie off your neck and tossing it beside you.

F: If you’re still mad at me babe I understand. If you regret earlier or aren’t ready to forgive me I get it.

You sigh hoping that isn’t the case, if she did regret kissing me would she have come to the game? You stare at the conversation seeing the second message still hasn’t delivered. You lock the phone and stand up tearing the rest of your suit off. Normally you would carefully place them on the hanger and back in the closet, but tonight you just throw them onto your crinkled sheets.

You know they will wrinkle, just as the duvet under them but you don’t care. You know you should hang it up, put it away so it isn’t strewn across the bed when (Y/N) gets home but with every second (Y/N) doesn’t pull into the driveway or answer her phone you start to think she won’t come home. You run your hands through your hair, letting out an exasperated sigh you walk to the shower turning it on. You lean against the counter and unlock your phone once more, calling her this time. After one ring you hear:

“Hey you’ve reached (Y/N) sorry I missed you” you mumble a fuck under your breath and hang up not bothering to listen to the remainder of her voicemail. You scroll through your contacts and hit the call button, after a few rings you hear Debbie, (Y/N)’s grandmother, answer the phone.

“Hello” she mumbles into the phone barely awake.

“Hi Debbie, I’m sorry to call so late” you say into the phone while she clears her throat. You hear a bit of a commotion on the other end of the phone, and can hear John mumbling about someone calling at this hour.

“It’s Frederik dear” she says away from the mouth piece, you can hear John muttering in the background. “Is everything okay?” she asks turning her attention to you.

“Is (Y/N) there?” you ask.

“John, is (Y/N) here?” she asks him. “He’s gone to check, what’s going on?”

“(Y/N) came to my game but left after the first period, but she isn’t home. I thought maybe she decided to crash at your place instead of doing the drive home” you explain.

“I see” she says and silence falls over the line. “John says she isn’t here” she says and you feel your heart drop as panic sets in. You take a gulp and run your hands through your hair, leaning backwards feeling your back hit the mirror.

“Okay thanks” you manage to croak.

“I’m sure she is fine dear” she tried to reassure you, but you don’t think she even believes it knowing this in unusual for (Y/N). And you have a pit in the bottom of your stomach that says otherwise.

“Yeah…thanks. I’ll let you know when I hear from her” you explain hanging up the phone. You walk over to the shower and feel the steam hit your face, you reach in and turn it off trying to think who else might know where she is, who you could call. It’s unlikely she called her friends from home about where she went, and the women all saw her leave after the first period. If Kathy knew something she would have told me after the game. And if she hadn’t heard from her by the end of the game none of the other women would have. And no matter what she would have called me, even when she wouldn’t talk to me she was delayed at her hair appointment and still text me so I wouldn’t worry. No matter how she is feeling towards me she wouldn’t just take off.

You slowly walk into the closet and pull out a pair of track pants and a t-shirt from your drawer. You pull them on and unlock your phone once again.

F: I just want to make sure you’re okay. Please answer me

F: I love you xox

As you hit the send button you sigh again seeing your messages still aren’t being delivered. You are pulled from your trance by your main gate buzzer going off. You run to the speaker in the bedroom and press the button.

“Hello (Y/N/N)” you practically yell into the speaker, not even realizing that she wouldn’t need to be buzzed in.

“No sorry, this is Officer Black from Pittsburgh P.D. Is this the address of (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)?” the unfamiliar voice asks back. You take a few deep breaths, releasing the buzzer and hitting the open button. Your heart rate begins to pick up, the pit in your stomach grows while you almost fall down the stairs running to the front door.

Your hands shake as you reach out for the door handle. You see the police cruiser parked through the frosted glass, and two figures approach the door. You grip the handle, maybe that second figure is (Y/N) you think. Disappointment and fear fill your body when you open the door to see two officers approaching you, no sign of (Y/N).

“Hi I’m Fred, I’m (Y/N)’s boyfriend” you say as they approach the door. “Where is she, is she okay?”

“I’m Officer Black, this is Officer Taylor. Can we come in?” one officer asks.

“Where is she?” you ask feeling your voice crack.

“She is in the hospital but is okay” the second officer says to you “she was in a car accident at Logan and Wylie.”

That was the accident I was diverted around on my way home. You go numb while the officers wait for you to respond. You take a gulp and brace yourself against the door frame, your heart beats out of your chest.

“Maybe you should sit down” one of them says gently guiding you into the office. You lean against the arm of one of the red chairs (Y/N) bought. While this room is rarely used, you still notice the details she put into it. There is a large canvas pictures of the 3 of you above the fireplace, and pictures of your families framed on the desk. She spent hours finding the pillows for the window bench that matched the chairs perfectly. The bookshelves are filled with all the books from her childhood that were previously in storage, multiple candles are scattered around the room.

All these minor details that she spent hours planning, make this house a home. Normally you would feel close to (Y/N), sense her in the space but in this moment you have never felt further from her. Tears are building in your eyes, you look at the officers through blurred eyes “you said she’s at a hospital?” you whisper.

“UPMC Presbyterian” they respond.

“The babies? She is pregnant” you say wiping the side of your eyes sitting upright.

“We don’t have any more of an update just that she is in critical condition and they are working on her” he says to you. “Do you need a ride there?”

“No I can get myself there, just have to get my son” you whisper lightly and stand up. The officers leave your house while you head upstairs pulling out your phone to call Debbie back. You tell her about the accident and she says John will meet you at the hospital and take Oliver back to their house. You hang up and open the door to his room, the light slowly approaching the bed.

You see your son lying on his stomach, blue tucked tightly under his arm. You freeze in your tracks seeing your son, your first son with (Y/N) and immediately break down praying everyone is okay. You fall to your feet and sob thinking of the worst case scenario, losing (Y/N) and the twins, having to raise Oliver alone without a mother.

No I can’t think that way, she will be fine. I just have to get to the hospital. (Y/N) is fine, she is fine. Y/N is fine.

You keep repeating that to yourself, trying to make yourself believe it. Finally after a few deep breaths you find the strength to stand up wiping the tears from your eyes. You shake your head and spot the bag (Y/N) packed beside his door.

You planned on Oliver going to John and Debbie’s when she went into labour. Since Dr. Morris put her on steroids she packed two bags weeks ago. One bag full of items for the two of you and the twins and the second is Oliver’s bag to take to their house with some clothes and books; knowing they have lots of toys there. You walk over to Oliver and sit on his bed, pulling his body against your chest. You kiss his head, your hands stroking through his hair. You need to get to the hospital, you need to check on (Y/N) and the twins, but in this moment you need this.

You gently rock him side to side, his small body resting in your arms causes you to relax slightly. You hear him mumble and stir slightly in his sleep as you gently set him back down. You walk over to his duffle bag and throw it over your shoulder and carefully grab him and blue.

The drive to the hospital is a blur, you are almost sure you shouldn’t be driving in your state. You park in the parking lot staring down the building; the building that can change your future. You didn’t expect to be here for a few more weeks, not until the day (Y/N) gave birth.

You get out and walk to the backseat of your car, unbuckling Oliver and grabbing his bag, when you realize John won’t have a car seat. You gently set Oliver down on the spare seat reaching over him to remove the car seat. You feel a hand touch your back and you jump up, hitting your head on the ceiling of your car.

“Fuck” you mumble under your breath, rubbing your hat over your scalp while stepping out of the vehicle. You see John and practically fall into his arms, letting out a sob while he wraps himself around you.

”Sorry” he whispers. You aren’t sure if he means for scaring you or about the current situation. Your body shakes while he holds you against him for a few minutes. You are brought back when you hear him calling your name.

You pull away and see his bloodshot eyes, glossed over with tears. “Hey John, how are you doing?” you ask him wiping your tears away.

“Alright, been better. Same as you I’m sure” he says looking behind you to the building. You only nod in response, realizing the last time he was rushing to a hospital in the middle of the night was when his son and daughter-in-law died.

“Did the police give you any information?” he asks turning his gaze back to yours.

“No they didn’t have any at the house and I just parked a minute ago” you explain.

“You should get inside” John whispers trying for his voice to not crack “I can get the car seat Fred.”

You nod and hug him once more “I’ll keep you updated” you say. You pull away and place a kiss on Oliver’s cheek before running into the hospital’s emergency room.

“Hey” you say running up the admittance nurse “hello I’m Frederik –“

“Hi Frederik, you need to sit down there are people ahead of you waiting to see me” the nurse tells you looking down at the computer in front of him. You look behind you and see 3 people sitting on chairs and turn back to the nurse “you don’t understand I’m not here for a doctor. My girlfriend was in an accident and brought here, I don’t know where she is” you spew out at the nurse.

The man stops typing and looks up you “what’s her name?” he asks.

“(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)” you say to the nurse who enters the info into the system.

“Follow the blue line to the elevator, take that to the 3rd floor, follow the blue line to room 307 she is in there” he says to you.

“Thank you” you say tapping your hand on the desk and taking off down the hall. Once in the elevator you look at the index for the floors, surgery is 7th, labour and delivery in on the 5th so that has to be good she isn’t in either. Floor 3 has trauma rooms, the ICU and imagery .

The door dings to the 3rd floor and you sprint down the hall ignoring the calls from staff to stop running. When you find 307 you practically throw the door open, it crashes into the wall causing some of the staff to turn their attention towards you.

“Sir you can’t be in here” you hear a nurse say to you, but you ignore her and walk in. You hear the scattered beeping of machines, when you see one of her hands limply hanging off the bed. You bring a hand up to your mouth gasping at what you see.

You see the bracelet wrapped around her wrist; the bracelet you bought her in the beginning of the season. It was during your first long road trip. Oliver was giving her a hard time, he was struggling with you being gone and there was nothing you could do to help besides leaving and going back to Pittsburgh, which wasn’t an option.

While walking through the warm streets of L.A, you passed by a jewelry store and it immediately caught your eye in the window. You thought of her and walked inside and bought it without even looking at anything else. Through everything she never took it off. The once beautiful white gold bracelet, is now stained red with her blood.

She has monitors hooked up all over her, you can see her hair is wet with blood, blood stains her clothes that have been cut off her and are lying on the floor. The jacket she finally wore to a playoff game, the black denim jacket with your name embroidered in the back, the jacket she was so excited to get when you clinched is in pieces never to be worn again. You can see that a pool of blood has collected between her legs as you sniffle stepping forward to her. She looks cold, a shell of the woman she once was as you see the ultrasound machine being set up.

You feel a hand grip your arm firmer than before “sir you can’t be in here” you hear a voice say and you try to brush it off, trying to get closer to (Y/N).

“She’s my...that’s my” you struggle to form words looking over her body, you watch as someone squeezes some jelly onto her stomach “those are my babies. Are my babies okay?” your hands run through your hair watching the scene unfold around you.

“Yes, we have the fetal heartbeats on that monitor there” they say nodding to one of the machines “a little erratic but right now holding steady. She has some abdominal bleeding we are monitoring right now” the person with the wand says to you as the woman beside you attempts to guide you into the hall.

“You have to leave sir” she says more firmly.

“Please” you croak out “I need to know” you say and the doctor sighs and nods to the nurse beside you. He places the wand over her stomach adjusting it to find the babies, you swallow even though your throat is dry. The heartbeat fills the room and you see one of the babies faces on the screen causing you to chuckle and wipe your eyes. You are so relieved hearing the heartbeat of one of your sons. The doctor moves the wand some more finding the second baby and you just stare at the monitor, hearing their tiny hearts beating gives you back some hope and optimism.

“Sir we’re going to take care of your wife, that’s our job” you hear someone say to you. “But you have to let us do our job, so please let us do our job.”

“Okay” you whisper and nod while two nurses help guide you out of the room and shut the door behind you. You step off to the side and slide down the wall, ignoring the nearby seats. You land on your ass, bending your knees. Your rest your elbows on your knees and your head falls into your hands. You take a deep breath, you didn’t realize how much you had been holding in trying to process everything. You have been taking advantage of her always being there and now she might not be anymore.

You don’t know how long you sit on the floor for, could be minutes could be hours when the door opens and a bunch of the staff leave. You don’t think you can move from this spot yet somehow rise to your feet, when the last nurse stops in front of you.

“She’s doing okay for now, the doctors are ready to talk to you when you’re ready” she gently squeezes your arm and walks away carrying some of the supplies.

You take a deep breath and walk into the room even though your feet feel anchored to the ground. “Hi I’m Fred” you say walking in to the room.

“Hi I’m Dr. Lang a pediatric surgeon and this is Dr. Cooper a trauma surgeon”

“How is she?”

“Your wife is stable, but she has a cracked ribs and some internal bleeding. She sustained a pretty serious gash to her head, but we don’t see any bleeding or swelling in her brain, likely has a concussion. She sprained her left wrist but otherwise just bumps and bruises” the female doctor explains to you.

“Your babies are holding steady, it’s been a little touch and go but they are both stable right now” you hear the other doctor explain. “She had some uterine bleeding caused during the accident which appears to have stopped on its own for now but we will keep monitoring it.”

“You said she has internal bleeding?”

“We are monitoring the internal bleeding, if it corrects itself then the babies can stay in, hopefully for a few more weeks” Dr. Cooper explains. “But if it doesn’t stop she’ll need surgery.”

“And the babies? What then?” you ask.

“We would likely have to do an emergency C-section at that point. We got the file from her OB and they have given her prenatal steroids, with that and their weights we are optimistic they would be okay with an early delivery. We also have her on some more drugs to try and encourage their growth, any time we can get is important.”

The doctors talk to you for a little while longer before leaving you alone in the room with (Y/N). Her body looks so small lying in the room, you feel a ball catch in your throat while you pull a chair up beside her bed, gripping her frail cold hand.

“Oh my god (Y/N)” you whisper “I can’t believe this happened to you.”

You bring her hand to your lips, kissing it around the tape holding the IV in place. You hold her hand to your lips, tears fill your eyes as you sit there listening to the beeping. You can barely look at her, the once vibrant woman full of life, now unconscious machines connected, lines everywhere.

After sending some update messages to her grandparents you adjust in the chair. You try to get comfortable knowing you are in for a long night, you close your eyes attempting to sleep. Between the nurses checking on her, the beeping and the uncomfortable chair you are barely able to sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time.

Around 7am you feel (Y/N)’s hand twitch and the monitors begin beeping erratically. You squeeze her hand calling out for her as she squirms in the bed.

“(Y/N)” you call out as nurses flood the room pushing you out of the way. The two doctor’s rush in the room, as your chest tightens. “No please” you cry out feeling your eyes glaze with tears “(Y/N). The nurses continue to try to usher you out of the room while you keep calling her name. The door is slammed in your face and you can hear scattered conversations and rushed actions from inside the room.

You pace in the hallway, adjusting your hat. What is going on in there?

You pace around finally sitting in the chair in the hallway you can hear the controlled chaos from inside the room; all you want is to open the door and see (Y/N). You hear your phone ring, you shake the tears from your eyes and see Debbie’s name on the screen. You bring the phone to your ear “hey Debbie” you say choking on your tears.

“How is Oliver doing?” you ask after a couple minutes of updating her on (Y/N)’s status.

“He is okay, just finished breakfast. He was a little confused why he woke up here and where you guys were. He wanted to talk to you” she says. You know that you need more than just his voice, so you switch the call to FaceTime.

“Hi daddy” he says, his face lights up seeing you.

“Hey buddy” you chuckle wiping your eye, his face helping to repair your heart.

“Where are you?” he asks getting really close to the screen and you can only see his mouth; Facetime and cameras not being his strong suit. Both you and (Y/N) have countless “selfies” he has taken of himself which is just a close up of his eyes and nose.

You sigh for a second and take a deep breath, adjusting your hat on your head “I’m uh…I’m at the hospital with mommy. Mommy got hurt but the doctors are taking good care of her” you explain to him.

“Mommy got hurt?” he asks, you can hear his voice break a little bit.

“Yeah but she is okay buddy” you say into the phone. You want to reassure him but you don’t know how much of it you believe right now.

“Can I see her?” he asks pulling back and you can see more of his face on the screen.

“Not right now” you say and you see his face fall a bit “she is sleeping. But she would love it if you drew her some pictures.”

“Okay daddy” he says and the door opens while the staff begins to exit the room.

“I got to go see mommy, I love you” you say wiping the few remaining tears from your eyes.

“Love you daddy” your son says before you disconnect the call.

You walk into the room and see Dr. Cooper checking some of the monitors. “She is okay, her blood pressure is rising and she is still bleeding but okay for now. The babies are becoming too stressed, if their heart rates don’t drop we’ll have to deliver them. We’ve been giving them medication since she was admitted to try and lower them but so far it’s not working. Some studies say hearing the dad’s voice can help” she says shooting you a soft smile and walking out of the room.

You walk back to the chair and sit down gripping her hand, and your other slides to her stomach. You lightly place it on her belly, around the monitors.

“Hey boys” you whisper stroking them slightly. “I know you want to come out, but it would be better if you didn’t. I need you to stay put inside your mommy a little while longer. God I can’t believe we’re here right now, never thought this would happen” you feel tears begin to fall and release her hand to wipe them away.

“You know (Y/N) people keep calling you my wife” you chuckle shifting to look at her. A big bandage is in her hair, her face is partially swollen, lower lip cracked, but the woman you love is there, underneath all that. You rub your hand over her stomach, a strangled chuckle leaving your throat “and god I don’t know why you’re not. I said I wanted to wait and you said you were fine with having more kids first, but that just seems ridiculous now. Why would I wait when I have the most amazing woman in my life. You should be my wife, but god I don’t deserve you. You are way too good to me, and if the past few weeks have shown anything it’s that I need to be better. I need to be better for you, for Ollie, for these two” tears are streaming down your cheeks, eyes completely blurred while your hand rubs (Y/N)’s stomach gently. “Make it through this and I will spend every day trying to be the man you deserve.”

You stand up and press your lips to her forehead “please be okay (Y/N), please be okay so I can make you my wife and get you that puppy you haven’t stopped talking about. I’ll get you 5 dogs if it means you’ll be okay.” You feel one of the babies kick causing you to laugh through your tears “he seems excited for 5 dogs.”

A few hours later you are on a conference call with the coach and GM, you sent them a text explaining your absence from practice. There is up to a week before the conference finals begin, but they are preparing for Jarry to start those, you can’t see yourself being back for that. You look out the window, watching the rain stream down the glass, lightning illuminates the sky. Normally the sun would be preparing to set over the city, but a large storm rolled through making your worst day even more miserable.

You hold a cup of crappy hospital coffee in your hand while they prepare the press release on your absence. In this moment though you don’t care about the quality of coffee, any source of caffeine is appreciated. The hospital brought you a cot to sleep on, but you couldn’t leave her side, opting to hunch awkwardly in the chair and you can’t see yourself sleeping in the cot tonight.

Apart from sleep deprivation your back and neck are sore, but that pain is nothing compared to the emotional roller coaster you have been going through. There was multiple instances where (Y/N)’s blood pressure or the babies would get erratic and you have been ushered out of the room. The doctors say she still has some internal bleeding which is causing the babies levels to increase, which causes (Y/N)’s to rise. They don’t think it can continue like this for much longer before they have to deliver the babies and address the bleeding.

The team says you can come out with the goalie coach for private sessions any time if you’re feeling up to it. But you can barely handle leaving (Y/N) to get a coffee, let alone a few hours to get out on the ice; and in this moment you have no desire to play. The one constant in your life, the thing that has calmed you, always been there for you and now you can’t imagine ever doing it again.

“I got to go” you say quickly hanging up the phone and rushing across the room. (Y/N) eyes flutter open and her heart rate monitor begins to beep faster as she gasps for air.

“Hey (Y/N)” you say so excited to finally see her eyes open again. You grip her hand and run your other up her arm. Her eyes struggle to stay open while you squeeze her hand “you’re okay skat” you say softly trying to reassure her.

Her heart is racing while she squirms in the bed “Fred” she mumbles opening her eyes again. Tears pour down your face, you didn’t think you would hear her beautiful voice again.

“(Y/N) you need to lie down, you can’t move” you hear a nurse say walking into the room as the beeping continues to increase, (Y/N) gasping for air. The nurse presses a button and you hear feet running into the floor while you are pushed out of the way, body going numb while you watch them inject something into her arm.

She begins to relax her body and falls back into the mattress, eyes closing in the process. You didn’t even notice she was bleeding until a nurse lifts the blanket and reveals a small pool between her legs. “Oh my god” you whisper as Dr. Lang comes running past you.

You watch the scene unfold, stumbling backward into the wall. You put an arm on it, bracing yourself trying to catch your breath. The voices and sounds are barely audible, all you can hear is the hustle and eagerness of the staff. You watch them pull her arm railings up and begin to wheel her out of the room.

You feel a hand touch your arm, and you turn your head to the left and see Dr. Lang. He is talking to you, but you can’t focus on the words having watched your entire world leave. You feel as though you are outside your body, watching everything unfold around you.

“Fred” he calls touching your arm again, his touch returns you to the surface.

You blink through your tears and wipe them away. “Fred did you hear me?” he asks as your eyes focus on his face.

“What?” you whisper, bringing the back of your palm up to wipe away the tears.

“The bleeding isn’t correcting itself, (Y/N) needs surgery now. I’m going to do an emergency C-section and then we’ll take them to the NICU to monitor them. After the C-Section Dr. Cooper and Dr. Muzek a general surgeon will operate on (Y/N). We need you to consent to the surgeries” he explains pushing a clipboard in front of you.

“Yeah of course” you say grabbing it and signing the form.

“She is in good hands, we’ll keep you updated on the progress” he says giving your arm a light squeeze before taking off down the hall toward the elevator.

Next Chapter

#frederik andersen #frederik andersen x reader #frederik andersen fic #frederik andersen smut #Freddie Andersen #freddie andersen smut #freddie andersen x reader #freddie andersen fic #fred andersen #fred andersen smut #fred andersen x reader #Fred Andersen Fic #nhl fic #nhl smut #because two people got drunk #my writing

47 notes · View notes

nylainnoho · 3 years

Text

Spend the day with me: first day edition!

Hello Friends,

Here in Noho, us Smithies are just finishing up our first week of classes! In honor of finishing this first week I wanted to share a day in my life post for the first day of classes. Before we start, I also wanted to show you all my desk setup since this is where all of the magic happens.

MORNING

8:00 am: Good morning! I am on the track team so my day started with a lift from 8:00 am to 8:45 am, this is something that I will be doing every Monday and Friday for the entire semester. It usually struggle with getting up, but since it was the first day, I had the first day jitters and didn’t have much difficulty getting up.

9:00 am: After I finished lifting, I headed up the road to Tyler. Right now we are ordering all of our meals through GrubHub and you are able to grab and go once your meal is ready. I think I had to wait about 15 minutes for my breakfast to be done that day.

9:15 am: There are a few public spaces that we are allowed to eat in, but I usually eat in my room and listen to a podcast or talk to friends and family. One of my friends put me on to NPR's Life Kit podcast and now I am putting you all on! After my breakfast I also like to spend some time writing in my journal really about anything that comes to my mind. I try to do this frequently (not every single morning), but on the mornings that I feel like it.

9:35 am: After breaking my fast I took a nice shower and really took my time to get ready. Some mornings I rush, but I wanted to feel extra good for the first day.

10:55 am: Finally, the golden time! This is when my first class, PSY269: Categorization and Intergroup Behavior started! This is a psychology course and some of the main things we will be discussing will be prejudice, discrimination and other things related to how groups interact with each other. I really enjoyed our first class.

12:00 pm: Class finished a bit early this day, so after I went and grabbed lunch with my friends. I was able to snap a picture of my lunch and this meal is the Indian Curry Bowl from Lamont. I think they are pretty good and probably get this meal for lunch or dinner at least once a week. I usually like to have something to look at or listen to while I eat and on this day I watched Youtube and Facetimed a friend.

AFTERNOON

1:40 pm: After lunch, I started my next class, AFR117: History of African American People to 1960. I also loved this class. We reviewed the syllabus and did a small breakout room activity where we looked at a few quotes and discussed what we thought about them. I think the quote my group looked at was really important so I will share it here. Let me know if you have any thoughts about it or questions about what I thought. Here it is: “This history continues to be mistaken by some as a burden when it should instead be recognized as a tremendous responsibility.” --Peniel Joseph

3:15 pm: I had my next class, PSY 202: Research Methods for Psychology. I have taken a class with this professor in the past and I really enjoyed it. Research Methods is also required for the psychology major, so that is part of the reason I am taking this class too.

4:30 pm: Once my Research Methods class ended I had a bit of time until dinner! I will use this time to let you all know that most classes (except labs and maybe a few others) last for an hour and 15 minutes.

EVENING

5:00 pm: There is a big dinner rush at five and I contribute to it. The most popular dining halls for dinner right now are Tyler and Comstock. This night I had pizza for dinner!

7:05 pm: After dinner, I had my final class AFR289: Race, Feminism, and Resistance in Movements for Social Change. The professor for this class is amazing and I was so excited to take another one of their classes! This class--and pretty much all of my classes are discussion-based. We all came to class having read a piece by Meg thee Stallion and we discussed this as well as the syllabus and other things to expect from the class.

8:20 pm: Finally, at 8:20 pm I was finished with all of my classes. I *try* to stop doing school work at 8:30 pm (although it does not always happen), so I was done for the night. I listened to some music, brushed my teeth and did my other night activities and was off to bed! That was my day!

Thank you, my loves for sticking with me in this post! I am so looking forward to the rest of this semester and I hope that you all are excited too. I am sending you my good energies. Chat soon. Tootles.

--xo, Nyla in Noho

14 notes · View notes

ivory-sunflower · 3 years

Text

Arty Art Things ✨

Hellooo!

I've decided to post some of the arty things I've done either recently or in the last few years, well the pieces I'm somewhat proud of at least. All my posts tend to be a lot more wordy than they need to be but hey it's what I do here!

Conchúr White

Anyone one who's been on this blog for a bit will have probably have seen me talk about this lovely Irish fella. The pencil drawing is actually a year old as of yesterday, I only know that because screenshots of me flipping out about Conchúr following me on twitter popped up in my memories yesterday. I think I'd sent it to him at about 3 in the morning (I was not in a good head space at that point in time), so probably not what he was expecting to see when he opened his phone in the morning aha

The biro version is much more recent: I got bored while sat at my desk and doing research about university courses, saw a biro, saw my old drawing of Conchúr, had an idea. I revisited my GCSE art techniques and here we are. Again, I put this up on Twitter and now (at the the time I'm writing this) when you google "Conchúr White" it's the third top image of him which is a bit mad really. I think I spent all of about 20 minutes on Conchúr but another 45 minutes on the words behind him. The words are the names of the songs on his EP 'Bikini Crops', he doesn't just really love the idea of Channing Tatum driving him around at night in a daisy print bikini... Well maybe he does but what he does in his spare time is none of my business...

TechDif

So I mentioned that the pencil drawing of Conchúr came from a rough patch in my mental health and this one is no different! In fact this one came from an even worse circumstance so we love to see it. I had a bad, bad time in July and this started as a way of distracting myself from what was going on in my head. Without it, I can't honestly say I'd still be here so even if the final product of this had been a terrible mess I would still love it for keeping me alive. However, it did not turn out to be a terrible mess!

Now that the origin of this is out the way, where do I start with TechDif? Unlike Conchúr, I haven't really talked about them on here (unless you count one brief post about Citation Needed) before so I guess I'll do it here. The Technical Difficulties are a wonderful group of 4 British fellas who have had their fair share of fun online and even before. They did a radio show at university together, which went on to become their Reverse Trivia Podcast, later moving on to a panel show called 'Citation Needed': and a game called 'Two of These People Are Lying'. All of which I would thoroughly reccomend, they're one of my go to things when I'm having a rough time. All 4 of them are excellent! Tom Scott (red top, blue jeans on the picture) has his own YouTube channel which does content aside from TechDif. If you're quite nerdy and like science, linguistics, computers, or any number of other things you may enjoy Tom's channel. He is probably best described as "The Moderator" of the group, much like a tired teacher he tries desperately to keep everyone on track with what they're meant to be doing, but usually it does not end well for him. Then we have Matt Gray (space top, holding an ice cream) who also has a channel away from TechDif stuff, he does techy electronic things and has a series called 'Will it Soft Serve?' where he puts all kinds of strange things through a soft serve machine. Matt brings a very specific energy to TechDif and I can't fully describe what that vibe is but I love it. Matt and Tom also share a YouTube channel where TOTPAL is posted and they had a series called 'The Park Bench'. Moving on to everybody's favourite Gary Brannan: Gary Brannan (SATIRE hoodie, glasses) and can I just say, what a fella he is! He's just excellent! He is the one that will argue and rip into Tom the most (not in a malicious way) and hilarity ensues. There are some episodes where he is absolutely on it, getting all the points and others where he very clearly has no idea and that's where some of his funniest quotes come from. Given how badly I was doing at the time I made this, his response to it on Twitter was so so lovely. I specifically remember one tweet where he said I'd made him happy and although it was probably a flippant comment, it just made feel alright for a bit. Yeah I might be feeling awful right now, but I've made someone else happy so that's a nice feeling. Then last but certainly not least, we have Chris Joel (buffalo check shirt, beard)! I would be lying if I said he isn’t my favourite... His sense of humor is the one I vibe with most, he can get rather dramatic in parts and can chat bollocks like a champion. He has absolutely no online presence away from TechDif and, like Rens from Temples, I fully believe he’s a cryptid and lives off in a tree somewhere.

The picture took me about 4 days to complete, well 4 nights because I did most of it between the hours of 12 a.m. and 7a.m. - I remember watching the sun come through my window each morning. It’s made up of lots of little pieces, all cut out and stuck on; even the sky and hills are made of separate pieces of paper. Nothing was actually drawn on the piece of paper it’s all stuck on, it’s not how I usually do things but if I messed up one little but I could just redraw it rather than ruining the whole thing. The most tedious parts to make were Chris’ shirt because I had to draw each square individually and then join the as well, and cutting out the ban-hammer in the bottom right was surprisingly hard. Every single detail of the picture is a reference to the podcast/shows, I still have the plan sketch and reference list knocking about somewhere. I listened to a lot of true crime videos while making it to the point that certain parts remind me of different cases: the brandy now reminds me of Peter Tobin, and the big spiral thing reminds me of Tim McLean (very harrowing case) - sorry that fact is a bit morbid but interesting nonetheless.

I did post this for a little bit back in July, but I received some rather awful messages so I took it down. Generally, Tom Scott/TechDif fans are lovely but there’s been a few that have taken a disliking to me for some reason so I’m hoping they don’t resurface again. I’m in a better head space now though, so even if they do I’m more equipped to deal with it this time.

Hozier

This was a quick sketch I did in April, I was getting bored with lockdown and decided to summon the bog man himself. There’s not really much more backstory than that, no poor mental health story, no fun twitter story - he’s just here. He’s vibing. I will say I’m particularly proud of his nose, I just think it’s one of the best noses I’ve ever drawn. His hand is okay, but I think that the hands on my Conchúr drawings are better. So there is the Hozi-Boi...

The Corpse Bry

I’ve talked about Bry on here before as well, I love him, he’s excellent, top lad. He is a living Tim Burton character, he’s 6′6, very skinny, and his legs are longer than my will to live. I was watching ‘The Corpse Bride’ a few weeks ago and suddenly had an idea and so ‘The Corpse Bry’ came to be. I gave him a little panda friend because the panda has always been his animal - he used to wear a panda beanie all the time and his album had a panda on the cover. Again, there’s not really a fun story behind this one, I guess it’s somewhat fun because it’s the first art I made after finishing my psychology exams in October so it was nice to actually have the time to draw.

James Bagshaw

Ginger talking about Temples for the third post in a row? it’s more likely than you think! I did this one last week, I’d had a bit of a wobbly day and had group therapy on Teams in the evening and I just couldn’t concentrate on what was going on and I ended up doodling Mr James E. Bagshaw, the glitter crying fraggle man himself. It’s a bare-bones drawing that I could definitely work into more but I’m happy with it as it is to be honest. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit and add the individual bits of fringe to his jacket, just thinking about doing that makes me tired. Maybe I’ll get around to drawing the whole band at some point...

Alice in “Wonderland”

This one is from about 5(?) years ago, it’s not my typical style and was a “study” based on another artists work (basically i just had to copy this fellas work). I’ll be honest, this one has a sketchy backstory that I won’t go in to because it’s not exactly a nice one, and because of that I also won’t say who the artist is that it’s based on. Despite this, I’m still really proud of this one and I’m so sad that I never got this piece back after I got taken out the class. I’ve considered trying this style again, I’ve even joked about doing another Conchúr drawing in this style as a nod to my progression through GCSE art, eventually leading to Conchúr drawn in ink on music manuscript and stained with neon paint and dyes - it would be quite the project!

So this has been quite a lengthy post so apologies about that but life goes on. Similar to the vinyl post, I’ll probably add to this as and when I make more art. Even if no one is reading these posts, I’m enjoying making them so that’s the main thing. It’s just nice to document things and the feelings that go with them. 💕

~ Love Ginger xx

29/11/2020

26 notes · View notes

sebspocketsquare · 4 years

Text

Quarantine 5

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (online)

A/N: Heya guys! Here’s part 5, sorry it’s been a little bit. I had some trouble with this one because I really just wanted to get to part 6 LOL. Anyway, i hope you enjoy it! -T

Warnings: Flirting, language, quarantine, feels, fluff

The next morning, a string of texts wakes you.

It’s J, letting you know his friend will be by in a couple of hours to install your security system and bring by groceries.

He tells you to double check who’s on the other side of the door before opening it, and informs you that his friend's name is Sam.

Seems simple enough.

You get dressed, deciding to wear something a little nicer than the pajamas you’d been wearing lately. Makeup finds its way to your face and you even manage to brush your hair.

You could at least make yourself look human today, especially since you didn’t know how good of friends J and Sam were.. what if he went right back and told J you looked like you hadn’t bathed in weeks?

That wouldn’t be good for your blossoming relationship…. friendship? Whatever it was.

You’re getting yourself a glass of water when someone knocks at your door.

The couch had been moved back to its original position, and you look through the spyhole on your door to find a man standing there in a doctors mask with a backpack and bags of groceries in hand.

“Can I help you?” You ask through the door.

He makes eye contact with you through the spyhole. “I’m Sam, J’s friend. I’m here to install the security system for you?”

That was convincing enough for you. Opening the door, you offer a small smile. “Hi.. I’m uh.. I’m Clair.”

You can’t tell if he’s smiling through the mask, but he makes his way inside and sets the bags on the floor.

“You mind if I take this off now? I promise I’m not sick.” He motions to the mask and you laugh softly. “No, go ahead. It’s fine. Just uh.. Stay six feet away.”

He removes his mask with a sigh of relief before flashing a pearly smile at you, “I’m Sam. Nice to officially meet you.” He looks familiar for a split second, but you convince yourself you’re merely imagining it.

Sam gets right to work with the install, and you take that time to put away the food and wine he’s brought. It’s too much for just you, it’ll last you months, but with everything that’s going on, you don’t know if you’ll even be ready to leave the house again anytime soon.

You make sure to shoot J a text telling him thank you.

Sam puts a device on each window and in each doorway of your apartment. A keypad is put right by your front door, and a panic button right beside your bed. He helps you set up a 4 digit pin that you’ll need to enter any time you come or go, and shows you how to set the alarm when you go to sleep at night. It’s so simple, but so secure.

J was right. It made you feel better. Safer.

Once everything is completely set up, he pulls a piece of paper from his back pocket and hands it to you. It’s an order form. For your computer and television. You’d made the decision to not let him replace your tablet. He was already doing too much.

“Oh..” is all you can manage to say as you look it over.

Sam chuckles in return, “He um.. he really cares about you, you know..”

Meeting his eyes, you risk asking him a personal question, “What’s your opinion in all of this..? How he feels about me?”

He looks taken back for a moment, but smiles fondly before he answers. “I’ve known him for awhile now, and.. He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him when he’s talking to you.”

You can’t help but smile at that knowledge.

“And Clair?”

You meet his gaze one more time.

“I know it’s probably weird for you, that he wants to take care of all of this for you, but.. let him. He’s a good man. He doesn’t have any ulterior motives. He just.. when he cares about someone, he’s all in.”

Your heart warms at his words and you nod slowly.

He smiles again before picking up his backpack and heading for the door.

“Hey Sam?”

He turns to you just before he’s out the door.

“Tell J I said hi.”

He chuckles and shakes his head, “Will do… and don’t tell him what I said about him being a good man and all that… he’ll never let me live it down.”

HIM

I know as soon as the system is installed because a crude outline of her apartment appears on my computer screen.

I set alerts to let me know anytime someone approaches the vicinity, when she leaves and when she sets the alarm for the evening. If she presses the panic button, it alerts the authorities first and then me.

I have to take every precaution to keep her safe.

I’m closing the window on my computer when Sam returns home. I hear him kick his shoes off and set his bag down before heading straight for the shower. He pokes his head in my room on his way there. “System is installed, also.. damn she is way out of your league.”

His observation makes my heart rate increase. “Wait, what? What does that mean?”

He laughs and shakes his head, leaving it at that as he continues on his way.

I find myself suddenly jealous that he’s gotten to see her with his own eyes and I haven’t.

“You could at least describe her for me!” I call after him, to which he just cackles.

My best friend is an asshole.

HER

You’re sitting on the couch watching random videos on your phone when a new message comes through from J.

[Sarge:] Everything go smooth? :)

You’re sure he already knows the answer, and you’re positive that Sam already told him all about you, but you decide to humor him anyway.

[clairv0yant:] Yes. :) Thank you again for everything.. I really appreciate you. I checked the tracking on the form that he gave me and everything should be here by the end of next week.

[Sarge:] Doll, I promise you don’t have to thank me. I’m happy to be able to help you out. :)

[Sarge:] It will be strange not gaming with you every night for a while, but.. We’ll just have to find another way to spend time together.

His words only cause the smile on your face to grow. He’s so sweet. So considerate. So genuine and unfathomably selfless. You weren’t sure what you’d done to earn the affections of such an amazing person.

[Sarge:] By that I mean.. expect phone calls every night ;)

[clairv0yant:] That sounds perfect to me. :P

xxx

You spent more time on the phone with J over the next week and a half than you’d ever spent in your life. Constantly exchanging texts and making phone calls, but never once asking the other for a photo. Not that you weren’t curious, because you surely were, but you were afraid of what he expected you to be like. Did he already have an image of you in his head? An ideal Clair?

You’d tried to picture him several times, but failed at each attempt. He still remained a mystery to you.

When your new tech finally arrives, you nearly jump out of your skin with joy. You make sure to lysol the holy hell out of the shipping boxes before touching them, and once the product inside is removed and placed in the safety of your apartment, the useless cardboard goes into the recycle bin outside.

It takes you an hour and 45 minutes to get everything set up, but of course as soon as you’ve finished, J is insistent about playing.

It’d been so long, there was no way you were denying him.

You missed it just as much as he did.

“You know what I miss most?” You speak into your mic, keeping your eyes trained on the battle scene happening on the screen before you.

J hums a soft, “hmmm?” in response, trying to keep his focus too.

“Mexican food.”

He can’t help but let out a bark of laughter, obviously shocked at your most missed thing while locked away.

“Mexican food? Really?”

It’s your turn to hum a soft, “Mmmhm”.

He’s quiet for a few moments except for the sound of his keyboard clacking as he fights, determined to win this round.

When the word Victory appears on your screen, he speaks again.

“You know I um..” He pauses, and you can feel his anxiety seeping through the internet connection. “Nevermind, heh..”

“What is it?” The first emotion you feel is concern. What could he not feel comfortable telling you?

“Promise you won’t just laugh at me?”

That’s a promise you know you’ll be able to keep. “Of course, J. What’s up?”

There's a bit of silence on his end, and then you swear you hear his adam's apple bob in his throat in a gulp for courage. “When all of this is over, I.. I’d really like to take you out on a date..”

You’re stunned into silence, thankful that a new game has yet to start.

He must take the quiet as a negative response, because he immediately backtracks.

“I-I mean, that’s stupid right? You wouldn’t go on a date with some guy you met online.. Hell, I could be some cree--”

“I would love to.” You cut him off before he can ramble on too much.

“You-really?” You can hear the smile in his voice and it brings an even bigger smile to yours.

“But only if it’s mexican food.”

He lets out a soft chuckle, the rumbling of the sound making your heart flutter.

“I wish..” He stops himself again, letting out a little sigh, “I wish I knew when that would be though.. When all of this will be over.. I just.. I really want to spend time with you, Clair.”

A new match begins in the game, but you’re so distracted by his confession that you almost miss your window to pick your character.

“We’re spending time together right now, aren’t we?” You joke, but there’s a falter to your voice, a doubt. You know what he really means.

“You know what I mean, I.. I want to be there, with you.”

It’s your turn to exhale a sigh.

“I know what you mean..” A funny image comes to your head, and you find it slipping from your tongue before you can stop yourself. “What would a quarantine date consist of anyway? You sitting on the opposite side of my front door drinking beer, while I sit inside drinking wine?”

He’s silent.

Not even a laugh.

It’s a whole two minutes before he speaks again.

“You know.. That could work.”

TAGS: (I wasnt sure who to tag, so if you dont want to be, I’m sorry!! Just trying to get this out there. ALSO if you wanna be tagged INBOX ME! I tend to miss people in the notes :( ). @mindingmyownbusiness @plumfondler @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @loricameback @tinaferraldo @geminimoonbeamx @preserumsteverogers @moderapoppins @lowkeysebby @buckyshattergirl @jayattemptstoruletheworld @the-observant-fangirl @moondancewrites @moonbeambucky @trinityjadec @stevieang @bionic-buckyb @eyecandybarnes @propertyofpoeandbucky @promarvelfangirl @ballyhoobarnes @bucky-plums-barnes @cate-lynne @witchymarvelspacecase @imaginingbucky @theimpossibleg1rl @babygurl8840 @wonderlandmind4 @buckysthing @formulafun @curvybihufflepuff @fanficsformarvelkillme @shadyskit @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @reading–mermaid @fuckmestan @siliverin @verygraphicink @sallyp-53 @thatsbucknasty @steadyphantomcat @booktease21 @kiki5283 @lostinspace33 @drayshadow @theperditioncrasher @mmyepic @feelmyroarrrr@alien-beans @heartsaved @sideeffectsofyou @dreamingofonceuponatime @just-a-littlebit-of-everything @bluerorjhan @tarynsnotokay @jamdropx35 @turquoisekokiri @pinknerdpanda @starkrobb @marvelgirl7 @unscriptedtimetraveler @fangeekkk @wonderlandmind4 @pinkisokay @mrsdaamneron @rynabarnesrogers @wish-i-had-something-better @stanning-seb-stan @oilersgirl35 @vaisabu @paranoid-borderline-insane @bonkywobble @vikki-rogue @witchymegg @a--1--1--3 @margetastic33 @stuffandstuff-stuff

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #online au #quarantine #sebspocetsquare #sometimes i write #series #bucky barnes

185 notes · View notes