#this is the getting invested in random background characters website | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

notnctu · 4 years

Text

through the lens ❀ l.jn

❀ lee jeno x fem!reader ❀ genre - slow burn, smut/mature content, fluff (romance?), slight angst ❀ details - photographer!jeno, model!reader, college!au, shy!jeno but he aint shy in bed, strangers to fuckers!au ❀ word count - 8k (this is the longest thing ive ever written) ❀ warnings - nude modeling, swearing, oral (f/receiving), some sweet love makin’ ❀ brief synopsis - jeno asks you to model for his internship project, but little did you know, it was going to be a nude photo shoot.

❝ jeno was too shy to hold eye contact, but he stared at you endlessly through the lens. ❞

❀ a/n - hihihi this is author doie❀ ! im bad at writing smut so pls dont hate me ah ha lol i tried my best i also dont model/do professional photography so really apologize if i butcher any terms lmaoo the only thing i am is that im in college and im shy

Jeno had applied to almost a hundred internships and almost close to none returned with an offer, even after a whole month of waiting. He absolutely needed to start building his portfolio before the beginning of his senior year of college. The embarrassment of possibly graduating without any experience loomed over the desperate boy.

Photography had been more than a hobby to him, to the point where he wanted to take it seriously. His parents weren’t the most supportive of an Arts major, but that couldn’t stop him. Jeno saw the best through a camera lens. He had a special eye for beautiful moments and the impressing urge to capture it forever.

It was too late to change his major, if he wanted to graduate with all of his friends. If he wanted to be successful, he had to act on it now.

The swoosh! of a new email startled the sleeping boy. He stared at the brightly lit screen, reading the words over and over again to make sure it was real. Jeno was so enthralled with excitement that he scrambled out of bed to wake up his roommate, Jaemin.

He shook him so violently that the sheets fell from Jaemin’s warm body. “Dude! I got an internship!” He spoke with incredible glee, a wide smile couldn’t leave his face.

Jaemin groaned and had to hold Jeno by the shoulders to halt the boy from causing the room to spin. “Why--What is going on?” He dazely rubbed his tired eyes to blink at his giddy roommate.

The screen blinded Jaemin as it was shoved too closely to adjust. “Whoa--,” he pushed it away and shut his eyes, “--repeat what you just said one more time.” Jaemin held a finger up and Jeno grabbed it, jumping onto his best friend’s bed.

“I got an internship. Someone got back to me.” Jaemin returned the same excitement the moment he processed his words. He shot up in bed and hugged his friend tightly.

“Wo-w, dude! Congratulations!” The two boys hurried on their feet to cheer together. There was no concern for the rest of their housemates, only celebration that roared throughout the entire night.

Truthfully, Jeno had no recollection of applying to this studio. It could have been a random link on a job scouting website, but he couldn’t be more grateful. An internship was long overdue and Jeno had been itching to get some recognition for his craft.

“Hello, I’m Lee Jeno.” He bowed slightly at the receptionist, who had a stern stare that made him feel vulnerable. The first thing he noted about the office: white and minimalistic.

Jeno’s specialty was landscape photography. His aesthetics consisted of black and white filters, city lights, dark mood lighting, and background commotion. He enjoyed capturing chaos the most, a scene where more than one thing was happening. The only reason being that there was more to look at.

“Nice to meet you. The name is Lee Taemin, but you can call me what you please.” A young, lean man strolled his way towards Jeno with a wide grin and his hand for him to shake. Taemin was slightly shorter than him, but his stylish, expensive boots made up for his height. He had to be only a maximum of five years older than Jeno as Taemin appeared relatively youthful.

Taemin’s firm grip pulled Jeno along inside the studio. A small gasp escaped from Jeno which earned robust laughter from the older man. “I hope you can break out of your shell soon. There is no room for timidness around here, Mister Lee.”

“Please, you can call me Jeno.” He smiled, quite awkwardly at the beautiful man.

The tall glass windows, the concrete, gray floor, the white doors that lined the hallway, had to be all too predictable. Jeno envisioned this is what high class must look like. It was the pristine, bright feeling and the smell of vanilla that lingered distastefully. There was chatter behind the closed doors --- mainly directing, and high praises.

The only off-put was that photographers worked behind closed doors. From the few studios he has visited previously, photographers often worked in open spaces due to lighting fractures or the ability to roam more freely.

“I’m actually very ecstatic you signed up for the internship, since you do seem a bit on the younger side.” Taemin gestured toward the sofa in the middle of his massive office. Jeno sat across from him. Water was already placed on the glass coffee table that separated the two. A laptop was opened to face Taemin.

Jeno slyly rubbed the condensation from his palms on his jeans. Taemin’s stare bore deep into the shy boy, who had to break eye contact from time to time. “I know.” Jeno chuckled nervously, “thank you for getting back to me. I was really hoping to gain work experience through mentorship.”

Taemin nodded at everything Jeno was saying. His face being completely expressionless. Jeno sipped his water to regain moisture in his dry throat. Taemin was more intimidating than he was anticipating. “Sounds great. Happy to have you here. It might be a small business, but the experience is worth investing in. Every photographer who has come in and out of my building has found their forte. Let’s say, it’s eye opening.”

“That’s exactly what I was looking for actually.” As scared as he was of this mysterious man, he really enjoyed the comfort the environment radiated.

Taemin leaned forward and squinted at the screen. “I noticed in the portfolio you sent that you don’t have any portraits or any people, in general, in your photos. Do you have any works with people? Since this is a studio of fine art nude photography.”

Nude. Jeno practically choked on the last remaining spit he gathered. Taemin acknowledged the boy’s shocked reaction and tilted his head curiously, “you did know that I specialize in contemporary fine art nude photography, right?” Unfortunately, Jeno did not.

Jeno cleared his throat, “yes, of course. I wanted to challenge myself.” He had to lie, there was no other way to cover up his disbelief. This internship was the only hope left for him to gain something. Though, even the thought of shooting a naked body made him anxious.

He hated how timid he was. His friends and family say otherwise, mainly for the reason that Jeno automatically lit up behind a camera. In all honesty, he hid behind it. It was the only safe place that Jeno knew what he was doing. However when it came to real life situations without it, he lacked the confidence to be himself.

As ironic as it was, he hated being seen. He liked to be the background character in his own life, because the main character took too much of a toll. It could also be his deafening insecurities and lack of self esteem, but Jeno didn’t mind not being the center of attention.

“You like a challenge?” It was more of a statement rather than a question. Jeno caught a glimpse of the twinkle in Taemin’s dark eyes. “Then for your first task, I want you to show me that you can take on this role.”

Jeno scrambled for his phone to jot down notes. “Send me an emotional portfolio, model of your choice. They could be a friend of yours that you feel comfortable seeing naked. It must include a variation of headshots, full body, and body details. It must also be raw and unedited photos. I want to see if you have the eye for the art to capture these types of images.”

“When would you like it by?” He stammered, completely winded at the sudden project that unloaded on top of him.

“Next Friday, and you’ll present it to me here in person. Feel free to use this studio if you don’t have a place of your own with equipment. All you need to do is book a room with the front desk. Any other questions?” The sound of the laptop shutting caused Jeno to look up at the brilliance in front of him. He needed Taemin to help him succeed.

“Why do you take nude photography?”

Taemin was unable to stop the laughter that erupted into the room. “I don’t run a pimp business or sell soft core porn, if that’s why you’re staring at me so funnily. What I make is an art masterpiece, it has nothing to do with physical features or desires. It’s the pure emotion that clothing distracts from. Clothing conforms the model into an aesthetic, and while that works for editorials, it won’t be a consistent thing here.”

Jeno nodded understandingly. Overwhelmed and lost at words. He was unsure what he had gotten himself into. Where was he going to find a model on such short notice on such lewd conditions? He was really going to need to step out of his comfortable zone, in his photography and social skills.

Taemin stood up and extended his hand once more. “I take pride in my art, so I hope you, too, start finding that in your own.”

Jaemin held his stomach from the endless laughter, tears welling up in his eyes. “Nud-Nude photography? And you didn’t know?”

“Jaemin, keep it down.” Jeno whispered and cautiously peered around at the few people flooding into the small lecture hall. “I don’t want everyone in our club to misunderstand and think I’m some creep.”

His best friend straightened up in his seat and placed his hand on Jeno's slumped shoulder, “first of all, you’re a complete idiot for not researching. Secondly, it’s an art form. If you really got yourself a shady, rated R internship, I would’ve told you to drop it instantly.”

His spirits were slightly lifted, but he was still struggling with who he should ask to model for him. As much as he’s already seen of Jaemin, being his roommate, he honestly would rather leave the rest to imagination. Jeno wasn’t purposefully searching the room for a candidate, but he could not stop his eyes from drifting.

He spotted the most attractive side profile that sat two rows below him. He shook his head to make sure he was seeing her correctly. Peering around, he looked for another possible face to shoot. But oh god, how she caught his eye every time she even slightly moved.

You smiled happily with your friends by your side as your club’s executive board members introduced this year’s goals and events to attend. It had to be the smallest amount of alcohol still running in your system that caused you to giggle every time guys tried to turn around and hit on you.

“Why don’t you focus on our club members instead?” You smirked at the smug older boy, who had poorly attempted to grab your attention. “I think this information is important to you. These events could help you develop your social skills to be much better.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but your girl friends scoffed by your side.

He got up in disbelief and quickly walked out of the room. There was a brief pause at the sudden movement, but the announcement carried on per usual.

Jeno impatiently waited for the club meeting to finally be over, so he could talk to you. The longer it dragged, the more his confidence was subsiding. “I’m heading to study, wanna come with?” Jaemin poked at Jeno’s knee.

“Yeah, but you can go ahead first. I need to talk to someone.” His voice was shaky and his throat went so dry. Jeno’s shifty eyes scanned the room, hoping no one saw how nervous he was acting.

Jaemin’s eyebrows lifted suspiciously, “who? I didn’t even know you talked to anyone who came today. Donghyuck and Renjun aren’t here---”

“--her, Jaemin... her. I’m going to ask her to model for me.” Jeno motioned his head. His heart beating faster at seeing a small grin appear on your face from a comment someone made.

Jaemin hummed, “good luck with that, bud. I’ve got two shoulders for you to cry on after.” The extra hint of sarcasm only made Jeno sweat nervously. He was seriously doubting his decision, but it wouldn’t be a challenge if he didn’t do it. He knew he’d regret it more if he didn’t just ask you.

Once the meeting was dismissed, you wanted to get out of the room before the heavy rush into the hallways. Unfortunately, a few frat guys pulled you into their conversation and chatted up a storm. Your friends played into their foolery, but you stopped paying attention when they asked for your numbers.

There was a faint tap on your shoulder and you turned to see who the culprit was. You didn’t seem to know him, because you would’ve remembered such a demeanor. His eyes were glued to the floor behind you and his shaky hands ran through his brown locks. His shyness was quite endearing, yet alarming since you weren’t sure why exactly he had approached you.

“Yes?” You asked curiously.

The moment Jeno heard your delicate cadence, he melted like a popsicle left out in the sun. He peered up, but quickly reverted his eyes to the white tiles when he noticed how beautifully you stared at him.

He counted his breathing to calm his rapid heart beat. He cleared his throat to introduce himself, “I’m Jeno. I’m a third year Arts major, um-- I was just--- I know we don’t know each other. I wanted to ask, uh-” Jeno was horrified at how he stammered over his own words. His cheeks burned with a red glow, and if he couldn’t look you in the eye before, he definitely couldn’t now.

“Hey, see you later.” One of the bulky frat guys called and you waved back weakly.

A guy who had been chasing you endlessly scoffed at the pitiful sight and smirked at you, “see you at my house tonight? Been missing you in my bed lately.”

“Thought you would’ve guessed the reason why I stopped coming around.” Jeno heard the sting in your remarks and the disbelief in the male.

You honestly could have left, Jeno knew that. But you stayed and waited patiently for him to finish. Jeno could tell how strong you were just by your intimidating aura that practically suffocated him by standing in close proximity to you.

You sighed and reached to grab your jacket on the folded seat, “look, Jeno. It’s nice to meet you and all, but I gotta get going.”

Shockingly, the shy boy reached out to stop you by your fingertips. His touch lingered before he dropped your hand quickly. “I’m sorry. Are you free this Monday?”

“Uh, that depends. If you’re asking me on a date, then I’m busy.” Rolling your eyes, you weren’t sure why you still stayed to listen to what this random stranger had to say. If it were anyone else, you would’ve walked away the moment he asked if you were free. However, you acknowledged his timidness and the courage he must have mustered up to approach you.

Jeno shook his head violently, completely in shambles from that type of misunderstanding. “Not a date. I need someone to model for my portfolio photos that my internship assigned. It’s actually very important to me because it’s the first internship that responded back to me when I had applied to so many a whole month ago. Basically, I really need this and you because I think you’d be perfect to take pictures of. Oh-- wow! That sounded very bad --- uh --- what I meant is that your facial proportions are perfect and---”

“I’m free Monday.” You cut off his endless ramble and gestured toward his phone. He handed it to you without any hesitation and you typed in your number. “Text me the time, place and what I should wear.”

“Oh actually, it’s a nude photoshoot.” Your eyes doubled in size, completely offended by that statement.

Jeno felt the sudden shift in the air and brought his hands up to block himself, “to be more clear, it’s a contemporary fine art nude photography studio. The pictures are pieces of art and to be seen as that only. I have no intentions or ulterior motive to sleep with you, see you naked or sell, leak your nudes for the profit of your body. But, I understand if you no longer want to do it because it sounds super strange now that I am explaining it.”

Your shoulders relaxed and the fist that formed unraveled. You exhaled deeply, “I’ll do it. We can talk more about it on Monday and I get to leave on my own accord if I don’t feel comfortable. We work on my conditions.” Picking up Jeno’s chin, he was absolutely petrified at the forced eye contact and your incredible, powerful gaze. He was mesmerized by the fire in your eyes, and if he stared any longer, he could’ve lost himself in them.

“Of course.” With that, you dropped his face and left without another look back. Jeno looked down at his phone and the new contact name, (Y/N). It had slipped his mind to even ask what your name was and he slapped his face in utter stupidity. “Do better, Lee Jeno.” It was a remainder to himself to, hopefully, be better the next time you two speak.

Monday, 3:03 PM.

Jeno paced back and forth in the brightly, lit white room. He was trying to find any blinds or curtains to cover the tall windows of the high rise building. It should not be too much of a problem, the extra lighting was a positive. Jeno was only worried for your comfort of the openness.

There was a soft knock before Jeno practically tripped to open the door. His breath hitched at the sight of your bare face. This time, you were the vulnerable one. Jeno only saw purity, yet impressed at how your tired eyes still managed to bid him a soft smile. He admired your uneven complexion, and the sparse moles that dotted your skin.

“Okay, so you want to see me naked now or later?” Filled with jokes, your voice was light and airy this afternoon. There was a bit of a contrast from the first time you two met. Softer, enchanting, almost ghostly.

Everything in the room was white. The mattress on the floor had a white comforter and white sheets. The backdrop. The walls. The hardwood floor. The only color was the blue sky that the tall windows let in.

“Here’s a robe. You can change in the bathroom.” Jeno scratched the back of his neck and his eyes wandered everywhere, but your’s.

“Would you be okay with me just taking off my clothes in here?” You saw the light tint of pink cover his face, and spread to his ears. You examined more of the shy boy’s embarrassed face, finally getting a really good look at him. Jeno was very attractive, and you could only imagine how beautiful he must look if he fully faced you.

Jeno fiddled with his camera strap, “only if you are okay with that.” Clearing his throat, he stood next to the window to give you some privacy. “I’ll go over what I plan on doing. I’m going to take photos of your face details, parts of your body, full body, and portraits. You can lay down on the bed and I’ll direct you in poses. Have you modeled before?”

He was scanning the bustling city below his feet. Cars zoomed quickly and crowds of tiny people flooded the streets. He brought his camera up to his face, not being able to resist the urge to capture such a thrilling sight.

“If Instagram counts, then yeah. Professional model gig would be a no. Nude photography is a definite no, unless we are talking about being filmed during sex.” Jeno chuckled, while also holding the camera steady and stealing a few moments to keep for himself.

For a strange reason, being naked for a non-sensual reason felt even more vulnerable. Laying on the soft fabric, you felt oddly exposed and slightly more reserved. You’ve had countless strangers see you naked. Men were sexually desiring to see a sexy picture. You were always lusted after, but this feeling of nakedness was special.

“Are you ready?” Jeno gulped, finally setting the camera down.

You hummed cheerfully. Your heart was leaping out of your chest as the boy shifted slowly to face you. As he turned, you noticed he had his eyes sealed shut, which caused a small laugh to erupt. “Jeno, you have my permission to open your eyes and to look at me.”

Holy shit, he was trembling with an inexplicable fear. The camera was slipping from his sweaty hands. His mouth was as dry as the desert. Jeno’s pounding heart was loud in his ears.

Jeno has seen his past girlfriends laying naked in bed, but this situation was too different. When he saw you laying there in absolutely nothing, he was overwhelmed, yet astounded at how graceful you appeared.

There was no exchange of words and no exchange of eye contact. He towered over your lying figure and shakily brought the camera to his eyes. He selfishly wanted to capture your elegance. Through the lens, he saw all of you: the curve in your eyelid, your curled eyelashes, the small mole next to your soft lips, the sharp color of your eyes, the way your hair frames your face.

This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. You were comparable to the arts found in popular museums. Your body lines were enticing and an impressive shape. Your breasts pooled on your chest, the round nude nipple in the centers. Your details had to be sculpted by gods, who took their sweet time making you. You were a true masterpiece.

Confused, Jeno felt a huge mixture of emotions. Was he aroused? Was he infatuated? Did he just fall in love with a complete stranger? He recognized the same thrilled feelings he felt taking landscape photos. With each click, he grew more excited with how beautiful the photos were turning out.

“Sit up and rest your chin on your left hand. Lean your weight on your right leg.” Jeno’s direction was clear and firm. There was no evidence of a smaller tone he usually spoke in. Sitting up, you placed your elbow on your upper thigh to steady your chin. Jeno had already gotten down to floor level to you.

Without the camera that separated you two, it had to be the first time he faced you completely in such close proximity. There was so much to admire about Jeno. He remained concentrated on his craft, but it was actually very sexy to see his dedication. It was almost like he was a whole new person, like all the shyness drifted away.

Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off of you. It wasn’t simply your beauty that amazed him. Your confidence made everything easy. There was something about your blank stares, when he asked for an emotion, you portrayed it perfectly.

“Can we talk while you shoot?” Your sudden voice startled the photographer. He lowered his camera and his gaze automatically wandered off behind you, which didn’t go unnoticed. He nodded after a short pause and the shutter noises continued.

“Why did you choose me as your model?”

Jeno peeled away from the device, “because you’re you.” He didn’t even know what that statement meant. It wasn’t like he knew you before the first time he asked you to model for him.

The corners of your lips dipped down, drawing an evident frown. Click. Jeno loved that image especially. It was a simple way to get real, authentic facial expressions. He marveled at the photo, but registered the reason behind it. “I wanted to ask you the second I saw you. I just knew that I wanted you.”

“But you don’t know me.”

Jeno looked through the lens once again, welcoming a full view of your stunning attributes. He spoke in a low voice, “then, let me know you.” Click.

It would be the biggest lie to say that you weren’t aroused by Jeno at the moment. He was cool, without trying to be. He really did shine when he had a camera to work with, like a star to a dark night. While he had a distinct demeanor off the bat, you enjoyed unraveling the rest of him. He was, also, the first man you met that didn’t seem sexually driven by a naked woman in his presence.

You had to resist every urge to push the camera away and share the few seconds of his entire gaze before it wandered away. You wanted to rock his world, he was so innocent and beautiful. You wished to wreak havoc on him, have him show you how much he wanted you.

You anticipated an awkward photoshoot, but Jeno made you feel safe and comfortable. He made sure to adjust the temperature when goosebumps rose on your arms and when your nipples became painfully hard. He never touched you or came too much into your personal space. He always asked for your permission.

Nude modeling was a new experience for you, but you were surprised at how much you liked it. or how much you liked Jeno taking your photos. He sat next to you on the bed when you put on your articles of clothing and panned through several shots to satisfy your curiosity.

Leaning close, your head ducked to see the photos. A gasp escaped your lips when you saw just the first few. “Is that really me?” The pictures made you feel an abundance of emotions, you felt what they reflected. Sadness, melancholy, happiness, confidence. You didn’t know images had that much power to make you feel that, especially photos of you.

Jeno nodded, smiling so wide that his eyes turned to moon crescents. He was so in love with the results. He found respect for Taemin’s craft and he was right, he might’ve found a new forte to experiment with. “I can send you the photos digitally too, if you want them.”

“Maybe I’ll print them out, frame them, and gift it to every horrid man who has tried to flirt their way to my body since they want to see it so fucking bad.”

Jeno peered over and saw the tiny glimpse of pain in your orbs, “why would you give horrible people what they want?”

“So they can finally shut up and leave me alone. Plus, this is art and if I tell them it’s actually me, maybe it’ll change their minds to start treating me like it.”

He held his palm up and almost immediately, your fingers filled the spaces between his. “I’m going to need you to start treating yourself as fine art.”

“Keep taking more photos of me and I just might start thinking I’m Mona Lisa.” Your laughters blended nicely into each other. There was mutual mental acknowledgement of the happiness you were both feeling.

Jeno never let go of your hand, and there was a short moment of comforting silence where you two sat in each other’s existence. You were the one to break it, “are you doing anything after this?”

He shook his head. “Well then, you’re mine for the rest of the night. We’re going to pretend we’ve been close friends since first year and eat take-out on my bed because that’s what I need at the moment.”

“I know you respect my body and see this as an art form, but I’m genuinely surprised that you didn’t feel aroused at the slightest.”

Jeno didn’t even realize how much time had already passed being you. You two ate and chatted as if you’ve known each other forever, as if the friendship wasn’t established several hours ago. It felt safe and right, like you two belonged in each other’s existence and nowhere else mattered.

He felt warm inside from your hearty laughter and courage, like he was watching a painting come to life or a photo in movement. You were smitten over how endearing and complex he was. He was more than what meets the eye and that alone drew you towards him.

“Okay, I’ll admit,” Jeno paused to watch your reaction, “in the most respectable way, I was somewhat turned on. But! Before you trail blaze me for being just like every disgusting male in your life, I genuinely didn’t have any sexual thoughts during the photoshoot. That was all professional and it will continue to be like that.”

Getting up from your bed, your mind was working at lightspeed to process his confession. Jeno was fast to pick up someone’s personality, what stood out and what was kept hidden. He knew quicker than anyone else that you were not someone to offend because you were a strong, straight forward woman.

His personality breakdown went like this: you knew what you like, you knew you were going to get what you want, you enjoyed flirty banter (with people of your choice), you weren’t afraid to be blunt, or kick someone’s ass. You carried yourself with confidence that graced your every step, which makes anyone attracted to you instantly. Bold, confident, sexy had to be what came to mind whenever he thought about you.

Nonetheless, he really liked you as a person. He could pat himself on the back all day long for just approaching you, but he knew the real reason as to how this all happened. It was you saying yes to a stranger’s odd photoshoot. You made him the luckiest man in the world.

“Continue? Are you looking for excuses to keep seeing me?” You smirked and Jeno’s voice grew small.

“I--- uh, well,” there goes the nervous stammering, “I know the conditions were a one time thing, so I understand if you don’t want to do it again.” As the night had progressed, Jeno gradually began to hold eye contact and actually looked at you directly without the help of seeing you through a lens. This was the first time he broke it.

“Hey now, I’m messing with you, Jeno.” He had been sitting on your floor, at the end of your bed. You crawled on your elbows to reach him, and to hold his chin to face you again. Deja vu. “I’d love to get naked for you again, and again, and.. as many times as you want me to.”

He stared at you with his mouth hung open in disbelief. His eyes scanned your beautiful face to see your lips pull back into a mischievous smile. Gulping, he swallowed every ounce of courage he had left. “You don’t have to say it like that.” He tried to remove your grip, but it latched onto his hand.

“You’re finally looking me in the eye, sweet thing. I don’t think you realize how much I had been wanting that from you.” You caressed his cheek, rubbing small circles on his texture.

“What else do you want from me?” His implication sounded suggestive, even if his curiosity was innocent.

Your hot breath brushed against Jeno’s lips. “I can show you.”

Jeno, the one and only college guy who has seen your naked body in a non-sexual context. Jeno, the shy, sweet boy who appreciated and recognized you as a form of art. Jeno, the talented and skillful photographer, who consistently made sure you felt comfortable. Jeno, the only person in the world who you’d model nude for. Jeno, the dazzling character behind the camera who you wanted more than anyone else you’ve ever met. Lee Jeno.

He seemed like he was inching closer, already tilting his head to fit your’s. You smiled to yourself, seeing that your words were received well. Diving in, your lips swam together fervently.

The poor boy found himself lost in your enchanting, alluring gaze. He let the trance consume him, selfishly kissing the art he admired so dearly. A small part of him felt the guilt and confusion that began to rise. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly wished to feel your lips on his neck, or run his hands across your hot skin. He swore these thoughts were not present earlier.

A small pop! and Jeno held your shoulder to pull away. “I’m sorry, did I do something?” You asked, honestly concerned that you were taking more than you deserved. The least you desired was to hurt Jeno, who had been nothing but nice and sweet.

“(Y/N),” you could listen to your name roll off his tongue all day, “I feel somewhat guilty. I don’t want things to be misunderstood.”

“Which would be?”

“I don’t want you to think I coerced you into being my model just because I had intentions to sleep with you.” Jeno was already gathering his things, but you hopped off your bed and placed a hand on his chest. “Because that’s what it’s starting to look like at the moment.”

“Was that something you did though? Did you have those intentions?” Your stare bore right through him. The warmth of your hand relaxed his racing heart.

“Never, (Y/N), I would never do that to someone.” Your hand traveled down to grab his belongings and tossed it back onto the ground.

He silently watched as you took off your pants, and stood in front of him in your underwear. “Then, we’re fine. I know your intentions have always been pure. But truthfully, Jeno, seeing you focused while you worked sparked something in me. You don’t understand how aroused I got and how badly I wanted you to fuck me on that bed.” His hand trailed up your exposed thighs, finally touching your softness. “You’re the one guy I wanted first, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that.”

“I-- I don’t know what to say.” His cheeks revealed how embarrassed he was, but his dark, lustful eyes were telling a different story.

A smirk fell upon your face, “then don’t say anything.”

Jeno devoured you, inhaling the light hint of vanilla that still lingered. He hoisted you onto your mattress and kissed you like his life depended on it. His antsy hands roamed your free range, exploring, holding, gripping the parts he marveled over. Small moans from the back of your throat encouraged him to continue.

No one has ever kissed you with the amount of passion Jeno did. It was gentle, with enough vigor to cause your panties to dampen. It wasn’t sloppy, where previous guys had a problem of missing your mouth entirely and slobbered your chin.

His lips worshiped you, highlighting your good sides. Flashes of the photoshoot popped into Jeno’s head as he left purple marks on the places he loved capturing the most. He pushed up your shirt, exposing your chest to him again. His tongue circled around your hard nipple as he made sure to give the same amount of attention to each one.

Jeno knew he was too shy to hold your intense stare, but getting to know you during and after the photoshoot, he could see the softness in your gaze. He was, now, able to see all of you. The sight of you through the camera was addicting enough, so finally taking you all in was more than satisfying.

Your hands ran through his hair as he kissed down your torso. His thumbs hooked the waistband of your underwear, and peeled it off your body. You gasped as the cold air from your apartment grazed against your exposed figure.

Jeno paused to admire your glistening pussy, “would it be okay if you let me make love to you?”

Your heart burned, not out of embarrassment, but at how he still managed to ask you for your permission in the sweetest way. You rested your weight on your elbows, “no one has done that before, would it actually make me want to fall in love with you?”

“It wouldn’t be too bad. I have a lot of love to give and you look like a person who deserves all of it anyways.” Jeno’s finger ran over your wet slit and rubbed your clit slowly.

Your moans filled the room as the electric jolted throughout your veins. The wetness grew, seeping out of you like a waterfall. Jeno dropped down to his knees, and lifted your legs on his broad shoulders.

“Are you usually this wet, baby?”

Chuckling, you smiled at his bold choice in using pet names, “Just for you.”

He hummed, chiming at how he liked your answer. Spreading you open, his tongue met with your swollen bud that begged for his licks.

His tongue darted side to side, up and down and in result, your back arched in pleasure and a darkness clouded your mind. His name and mindless profanities streamlined their way out of you as Jeno ate you out in such a precisely delicious way.

Grabbing a fist full of hair, you pulled him closer, even if there was no more space to fill. Looking down, you two exchanged glances before he thrusted a finger into you. Your hips bucked harder as he eased in another one.

Jeno curled his fingers in search of your sweet spot and found it when a deep moan escaped your throat. His fingertips rubbed and pressed into your plush flesh, causing you to practically scream and squirm in his mouth.

He suckled your clit and fingered you simultaneously and quickly. The pleasure was overflowing and you released his hair to grip your sheets below you. Your legs shook and trembled as he had no caution to stop.

“Please, I’m going to--” you could barely talk due to your face contouring to the splurge of pleasure every single time Jeno rubbed your spot. “--to explode.”

He had to take back what he thought earlier in the day. This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever laid eyes on. The whole scene played like from one of his favorite films. It felt like he was giving his photos life. Your body twisted and turned, accentuating the curves of your lines.

Jeno had become painfully hard against the fabric of his jeans, but seeing you fall apart because of his minimal movements exhilarated him. “P-Please, don’t stop.” A breathy moan followed suit and your thighs tried to press themselves together. Jeno didn’t allow it, his free hand hooked underneath your left thigh to pull one side away from his cheeks.

Your high gradually grew so tall that it all eventually came cascading down. Your legs shook violently and sat up from the euphoria that took over you. Jeno prolonged your buzz and you screamed loudly, having to bite down on your fingers to stop yourself from angering your neighbors.

Jeno drank you up, letting your wetness cover his chin and drip down his knuckles. He pulled away, at last, and you took deep breaths to control your heavy breathing. It was like Jeno knocked the wind completely out of you.

He stood up and you saw the outline of his hard bulge straining itself through his jeans. The next scene was quite animalistic. You, still embodying your high, sat on your knees and unzipped his pants with your needy hands.

“Now, it’s your turn to get nude for me.” You whispered, tauntingly. Jeno groaned when you reached down and gently pulled him out. He stepped out of his clothing, all of it. His shirt was lost in the corner and his bottoms were scattered over your floor. Mirroring his actions, you took off your last piece of cloth.

Jeno was built. Though his biceps did not go unnoticed during the photoshoot, you were surprised at the lines of muscle that sketched his body. It made your mouth water, seeing his extremely hard dick stand against his toned abs. His red tip fell just below his navel. Jeno only kept getting better as the night continued on.

Pulling him closer, his hand found their way to the back of your head as you aligned your mouth to the wetness that spilled from his tip. “I want to make you feel good.” Jeno’s hoarse voice made your knees weak.

Peering up, you batted your eyelashes at him fondly. “Just a little taste?” You begged, having to hold his shaft with both of your hands because of his thickness. Your tongue was already stuck out, your hot breath causing the tiniest bit of sensation for him.

He nodded and his eyes were trained on you. He didn’t want to miss any second of your kitty licks. You flattened your tongue against his warmth, dragging it up to the top. The saltiness hit your palette as you swirled around his redness. “Oh--” Jeno threw his head back and bit his lip, “--lay on the bed now.”

You smiled sweetly and gave his member a quick kiss before reaching for a condom in your drawer. Jeno climbed onto your bed and situated the rubber comfortably. You laid on your back and he was fast to pull your legs around his waist.

He lined himself at your entrance and eased his tip in slowly. Squirming, you craved him to fill you up to the brim. He leaned down to kiss you, letting your tongue lap with his. It’s your hands with the mind of their own when they flew automatically to hold his face whenever you wanted to deepen the kiss. Then, Jeno stretched himself all the way in and he caught your gasp with his lips. He groaned, feeling the mess he created merely minutes ago.

His hips moved so easily with your wetness, but he went slow. Dragging out each pull and then, pushing himself back in roughly. “Jeno!” Your body jolted up the bed each time. His body fell over yours to hold you intimately, letting you bury your face into his neck. Your lips latched themselves onto his sensitive skin, painting a purple sunset.

Jeno’s arms snaked underneath your thighs as he pressed them to your chest, folding you almost into a ball. Your mouth hung open as he fucked you harder, rougher, deeper yet keeping the tempo rhythmically slow. At this point, you could feel his hits in your gut. Your weak hands gripped loosely around his strong wrists that held your legs down. “You’re pussy is so tight and holy shit---, you keep getting more beautiful.”

A familiar burning sensation set in your chest as you saw how concentrated his face had become. You were so fucked out that you could barely speak, “you—” his hips mercilessly slammed into you powerfully, enacting a low moan every time he reached your sweet spot. “—keep surprising me.” His actions came to a halt and he stared deeply into your soul.

You whined, wiggling your hips for any friction. He held them down into the mattress, knowing his grip was strong enough to leave a mark. “I told you, I was going to make love to you tonight.”

“I’ve already fallen for you.” You said breathlessly, tracing the side of his face and pecking his lips softly.

“You don’t understand what you’re doing to me by saying those things.” He whispered and pushed his entire shaft to fill you to your brim.

You yelped his name and gripped his shoulders, but he wasn’t done yet. “Show me how badly you wanted me the first time you saw me.” Jeno blinked at you in slight shock.

As he continued to hold the deep gaze, he kept pushing his dick further and further into you. He was balls deep, almost impossible to keep going. He fucked you without the need to pull out, just burying his cock deeper into your wet pussy. You exclaimed, moaned, cussed at every push. Holding the stare was more than enough to lose yourself all over him again.

Jeno was drunk with the image of your fucked out expression and every time the mixture of pleasure and pressure caused your eyebrows to crease and mouth to open release sensual sound. He had been trying his best not to come undone, to fixate another climax for you.

The feeling of you wrapping tighter and tighter around him drove him insane. “Give it to me, please.” Your muffled plead called for his release, but he could feel that you were close to your second.

Jeno sat up on his knees and pulled you into his arms where your thighs fell over his. You groaned at the empty feeling, though it was quickly replaced with a gratifying moan when he inserted himself again. Your arms dangled around his neck, foreheads touching intimately.

The fucking eye contact again, how could you get enough of it? You giggled, amused at how different Jeno was when he eventually opened up. He wrapped his strong arms around your back and thrusted his hips up into you. The way this man made you squirm, scream, and shake were nothing you’ve experienced before.

He smirked, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek when he went rampage on your pussy. “Not laughing now, are you?”

You whined in pleasure, brushing your fallen strands of hair out of his face. “Shut up before I make you.”

“Then I’d rather keep going.” Kissing up his jawline, you lead your way to his pout. His kisses intoxicated you with his passion and madness, like the most intense part of a symphony, or when the bass drops after a long build up in a song.

Jeno sped up, ramming up into your slick pussy over and over again. He even brought your hips down to match him, guiding you down as he went up. The headboard was knocked against the wall, your windows steamed up, cries of pleasure from the both of you created the ambiance, the smell of sex filled your lungs. Jeno reached between your bodies to furiously rub your clit to where it felt almost raw. It all sent you into the clouds, the familiar queasiness settled in your lower half.

Your eyes rolled back and your back arched, having to pull away from the desirous kiss with Jeno. “I’m cumming!” You announced before the tension unraveled, causing you to see absolute white. The second wave was much more uncontrollable, Jeno felt you squeezing radically around his dick as he tried to fuck you faster to prolong the feeling.

Your legs shook around his and your upper body went limp with pleasure. You reached the peak of the mountain and it came crumbling down underneath your toes. It was catastrophically enthralling, to the point where you physically felt something leave your body.

“Oh shit..” Jeno stopped his motions at the sight of you squirting over his lap. He pampered your torso with fluttering kisses, hoping to calm your spastic body. “...baby, are you okay?” He asked with a bit of concern of how lack of life you seemed.

This man just gave you the best climax in your whole life and he asked if you were okay? Regaining your senses, you sighed a small yes to reassure him that he didn’t actually murder you. Hopping off, you pulled the condom that restricted him.

He hissed when you cupped his balls in your palm. “Cum, my sweet thing.” You purred and Jeno’s hand pumped his member aggressively. You leaned in to help, sucking the tip and flicking your tongue over his slit.

His other hand gripped your neck, causing you to drip on your sheets. Jeno was panting and with every tug, it became louder. He seemed so desperate to release that it made you smile to be the reason behind it. “Can you lay down,” A grunt followed his question, “please.” He huffed.

“Because you asked nicely.” Smirking, your back hit the sheets and you opened your legs to give Jeno a view. He situated himself above your stomach, as he fucked his tight grip.

“I’m cumming---” He couldn’t look any more amazing. With a final moan, the white streaks streamed out in short sequences. It landed across your abdomen, over your nipple, and pooled around your belly button.

Bringing himself back to reality, Jeno stepped back to marvel you, his masterpiece. The white streaks coated your purple skin and your chest rose fast to catch your reality. Gazing upon your naked body, he was utterly infatuated with all of you. He was so in love with the sight of you that not a single photo could capture the beauty that you were.

Jeno pondered the thought of how merely a day changed a small part of him. You were life changing, addicting, an incomparable character that he felt like he’s known forever, and now, couldn’t live without. It was the taste of your juices on his lips, your sweet melodic music that was your voice, your daring smile that enticed him to never peel away from you. It was simply you.

He leaned down to rub his knuckles against your cheek, planting a lovingly peck on your forehead. “I’ll go start the water for you.”

Jeno anticipated the reaction of his mentor. He found himself at the same scene he was when he was first given the task. Taemin sat across from him, hunched forward to analyze his new set of photos on his laptop. Raw, unedited photos of you, your body, your details.

The hum of the air conditioning droned on, driving him mad. Jeno needed one reaction, but Taemin had been silent and expressionless for the past ten minutes. Whenever he did move, it was to click through to the next picture.

Suddenly, he shut it closed and stood right up. Jeno, panicked, did the same. Taemin stuck his hand out and Jeno hesitantly grabbed it, incredibly unsettled and unable to read the older man.

Taemin received it firmly, giving Jeno a good handshake. “Welcome abroad, Lee Jeno. I expect even more great things from you.”

Jeno registered his delightful mood switch and he was fast to follow up, “my photos, --- you --- like them?”

Taemin nodded generously, patting Jeno on his shoulder. Taemin reached up to tap his own eyelids. “What you can see, is very special, kid. You’re an artist and I’m here to recognize that for you. It seems to me, you can do more than take pictures of sidewalks.”

Jeno smiled happily, his eyes disappearing from joy. He couldn’t wait to tell you about it.

The rest of the week, leading up to Jeno’s appointment, had felt nothing short of blissful moments together. You and Jeno spent almost every waking minute together without the cost of your friends’ time. He walked you to your classes, some even being across the campus from his own. You accompanied him for meals, even sitting in his lectures to just be with him.

There were no words that established what you two had become to each other. Jeno wasn’t looking for that anyways, in fact, he somewhat liked the ambiguity. If only he could tell you how making love to you made him begin to actually fall for you.

You were never one to hold a serious relationship, but you found a small want for that festering in Jeno. It was hard to admit to yourself, but Jeno saw you for all that you were. He truly saw you, whether it had been through a lens or through his own eyes. He captured your rawness and you were able to find vulnerability around him.

He ran to you, where you sat in the lobby waiting for him to finish his meeting. Peering up from your phone, you noticed the beaming smile on the boy’s face. You couldn’t hold back your own grin, seeing him apparent with so much joy. “I’m guessing good things?”

“I got it, (Y/N)!” He jumped into your arms and you laughed at the sudden affection. “He loved my photos.”

“I didn’t doubt it for one second. You’re an artist, Jeno. You create masterpieces that make even someone like me, feel like art.”

Jeno hugged you closer to his chest, giving you a tiny squeeze. Pulling away to face you, his eyes examined your outstanding grace. You knew what he was already going to say, but simply wanted to hear him say it. “That’s because you are art.”

3K notes · View notes

striving-artist · 3 years

Text

Ok, I just want to show you something about moral purity and the grey miasma that is where decisions are actually made in fandom. Incidentally, this also is an explainer on why section 230 is a big deal. This isn’t about the literal references or examples, though, you’ll probably recognize what I’m referencing. It’s about the fact that nothing is black and white.

So lets start with the assumption you think that any writing about incest is bad and wrong and should get you perma-banned. Okay. That’s your stance. You’re entitled to it, and for this exercise, you’re all powerful. You’re running your own website for fanworks and YOU decide all the rules. So; cool, those are all banned along with the other Bad and Wrong works. Because you want to have a space that isn’t like those other sites.

And then this movie comes out, and your user count starts doubling weekly, and the biggest ship - it is The Ship for the series. It’s everywhere. It’s beloved. There’s more fic for it than a single person could read. But that’s just two random folks, lets call them Jack and Jill, happy, healthy, nothing problematic at all. So you’re thrilled with the extra traffic.

Then the third movie comes out, and the big twist is that Jack and Jill are siblings. Scandal! Fear! A shock wave travels through the fandom!

And you now have a problem.

It wasn’t incestuous when people wrote it. It wasn’t their intention. But now, according to canon, it is. Maybe most authors go back and add a tag or a note saying ‘THEY AREN’T RELATED IN THIS FIC’ ... but is that enough? I mean, canon is right there. And what about the other fics? The ones that the author doesn’t come back to retag? Do you take those down? How much tagging is enough? What about people who come to read these later, who don’t remember when people didn’t know they were related? Are they going to think you support that? Do you just prevent any new posts and add a disclaimer?

For the sake of the exercise, and because imaginary!You has drawn a firm line in the sand here, you delete them all. Anything with that ship. Even if its background or mentioned. Maybe you give 24 hours notice, maybe you don’t, but that doesn’t matter. You’ve decided that the Ship is Bad and Wrong, and is now banned. The people who hate you, leave, the people who love you, sing your praises. You’re okay with that. The ones that left must have liked things that were Bad and Wrong.

Then, a few months later, there’s a new Big Fandom, and in it, there’s two camps. One camp sees this pairing as having a sibling dynamic because they were raised by the same person. The other says they weren’t raised together, and they have a romantic dynamic. They aren’t literally related, but group one has chosen their hill.

The two sides are invested, and angry.

The first group comes to you and says the others are posting something that is Bad and Wrong and should be removed. Per your policies, if you agree with them, it should be removed. Someone thinks they’re seeing something Bad and Wrong and you said you wouldn’t tolerate anything Bad and Wrong. And you want the readers to have a safe environment.

And maybe you agree with the second group, but you’re scared of first group’s yelling and threats. Or maybe you agree with the first group, so its no big deal to remove the works. It doesn’t matter. Down it comes. Anything with them in a romantic ship, deleted.

But now you’ve said something new.

It’s not a Black and White line anymore. It’s not just blocking things that are Bad and Wrong. Now, you’re banning anything if the crowd is loud enough. You’re also implicitly saying you personally disapprove of those things, which, by transitive property, means anything that’s up there still is something you approve of. That’s dangerous. Have you read everything? Seen everything? Are you moderating every single post for anything Wrong and Bad before it goes live? You should probably start.

You think that’s bad? Wait a second.

Societal morals are always changing. Not that long ago being trans wasn’t fun, but it didn’t get much media attention, because people were too worried about The Gays. That’s changed now. The mob won’t come after you for slash fics today, probably. But you’re going to have people up in arms over gender swapping, and trans characters, and race issues, and the wrong kinds of kinky, and that’s assuming the T*rfs don’t decide to paint a target on you first.

You’ve lost a lot of writers by this point, and your site probably isn’t popular anymore. It only takes one big decision like that - one big, sweeping, arbitrary decision - for the creators to stop trusting you. From there, it’s over, just a question of how long the death rattle lasts.

All this? This is two things.

It’s why Section 230 protects platforms from liability over what their users post. It’s the safe ground between a free for all, and total moderation to an ever changing standard. Without 230, platforms have to either say ‘we moderate nothing, and cannot be held accountable for anything’ which means they can never remove anything. Or. They say ‘we moderate and stand by everything on this site’ We, the users of the internet, want neither of those outcomes. 230 stops the spiral.

It’s also why Ao3 is what is, and why it draws so much fire right now. You think you’re arguing for your one little thing. Your single topic or ship that is Wrong and Bad. I know you think it’s both small, and completely reasonable. But. Anything you think you’re going to ban beyond the existing rules is an open door. Give me an initial crowd-driven ban-topic and ten minutes, I can use that open door to censor ao3 hard enough to make North Korea proud.

#free speech is hard #ao3 #censorship #you think its small and I know you mean well #but its never just one thing #and once the crowd knows they can shout down their enemies?#its over #you just haven't seen it die yet #fun fact: I watched this happen in my hs #one group of parents got upset that there was an implied gay kiss #in a show at a different school #it took four months for us to go to #Everything Must Be Approved by the Mob #which meant it was all white bread from there on out #if there's typos #I don't care #the vertigo is a challenge

71 notes · View notes

littlesniggy · 3 years

Text

Paranoia

This is a Dabi fanfic and it's way longer than anticipated and I don't know if you guys like it but it was on my mind the whole day and I kinda really wanted to write it. Hope you enjoy it.

Synopsis: Reader plays truth or dare and visits a website on the dark web. It goes all downhill from then on. Non-quirk AU.

Note: I have no idea how this whole thing with the dark web works so don't bother too much if it's wrong. Also, friends' reaction is a little weird but oh well. I'm also reeeeally bad with giving characters names so....yeah...you'll see.

Warning: Anxiety, mental abuse

Word count: 3.8k

It was a silly idea but you and your friends did this stupid truth or dare thing and now it was your turn. Since you’ve chosen truth the last time, now it had to be dare. One of your friends dared you to log into the Dark Web. You were confused since you had no idea on how you were supposed to do this. You were not really tech savvy nor have you been interested in visiting the deep, dark part of the internet before. But your friend assured you that he knew how to get access (how and why, you didn’t want to question) and that it was rather funny to see what kind of thing you could find there.

Reluctantly, you agreed, a mistake you would regret later. You opened your laptop, signed in and let you friend show you how to get access to a website on the Dark Web. Your other friends gathered around the two of you, watching with curiosity. “How do you know how to get in?” one of them wanted to know but he just shrugged, grinning to himself. “I got curious one day. Don’t worry.” He answered and the other cackled, taking another sip from their beer.

You weren’t so sure about this whole situation. Maybe it was because it was your laptop, maybe it was because you didn’t feel too keen on doing something ‘illegal’. Was it even illegal? Or was it just illegal to buy something from there? You had no idea. Nevertheless, was there a heavy lump in your stomach but you didn’t want to back down now.

He opened a link and a website opened. It didn’t look like much but it looked shady anyways. Your friends made wide eyes and pointed at a link and challenged you to open it. Your friend made room for you to sit in front of the screen, a huge grin on his face. “C’mon, Y/n! Open it!” they animated you and you gave in, clicking the link. A dark window opened with a chatroom. Messages popped up, a conversation between strangers.

You read the messages but didn’t do anything beyond it. “You need to say something, too!” your friends told you but you didn’t want to. “I don’t know…” you said but before you could say anything else one of them started typing. “Hey!” you yelled but were too late to push her away and prevent her from sending the short text.

I hope nothing shady’s going on here.

“Are you out of your mind? Why did you send that?” you demanded to know but she simple giggled. “Relax. It’s not like they’re gonna take this seriously.” Another one said but her eyes were glued to the screen, anticipating an answer. But there was none – at least not to your message. Instead, they went on with their conversation which was kind of boring to read. “Maybe this is just a normal website and he is just messing with us.” “Hey! This website is legit! I once saw one asking for child pornography!” he defended himself but the others were not convinced. “Sure. Let’s get goin’. It’s your turn with truth or dare anyways, Dai-chan.”

He mumbled to himself, annoyed that they didn’t believe him that this site was legit but let it go and put an arm around his girlfriend, moving back to the sofa with her, others following. Your eyes were still glued to the screen and you were about to close the window and forget about the who thing, when a small window popped up. It simply read:

Hope you join us again.

It’s been two weeks since you and your friends had this truth or dare night and after you closed the website and shut the laptop close the night went on pleasantly. You forgot about this whole ‘Dark Web’ and moved on with your life, by now also convinced Daisuke was messing with you guys.

You were sitting in class, listening to the professor talk about the history of capitalism, it’s pros and cons but you were barely listening. You were way more interested in this episode of “Haikyuu!!” your friend introduced you to and since then you were hooked. You listened to it with your earphones, not bothering to cover it up. You were emotionally completely invested in the game when a small window popped up, indicating a chat request. You had no idea which website this was coming from and ignored it, clicked the small ‘x’ and kept watching the episode.

A couple minutes later another message; this time you got curious. The website you were watching the episode at was none of those shady websites where half naked women were advertising for some porn website and women who were ‘less than a mile away’. So, this should be something different. A little hesitantly, you opened the chat box and a window opened, revealing a black screen with two bubbles – the two messages that had been sent before.

Hi.

You never came back.

You were confused and locked around the room. Everyone was either looking at their laptops, writing something down or flat out sleeping with their heads on the table. No one was looking your way.

Who are you?

It didn’t take long for the person to answer.

Are you bored?

He completely ignored your question but before you could type in a reply another message popped up.

Or why else would you be watching an anime during class?

You stopped dead in your tracks and stared at the screen. Your eyes darted around the room once again, you even turned around but no one was looking at you, not even a small glance. This must be a joke you thought to yourself and you gave a small huff.

Stop it, Daisuke. You can’t freak me out again.

No reply. Satisfied, you smiled to yourself and closed the window again, making a mental note to slap the shit out of him later.

“Why would you send me those creepy messages?!” you confronted Daisuke and he raised his hands in defense, confusion plastered all over his face. “What’re you talking about?” he wanted to know, his girlfriend holding on to his arm, looking similarly confused. “You sent me those creepy messages during class, didn’t you?” He chuckled nervously but shook his head no. “What messages are you talking about? He was with me the whole time.” She defended him and you huffed, not convinced. “Sure. You had your fun but please, don’t do this again. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

When you got back to your apartment, you took out your keys, unlocked the door, opened it and locked it behind you again. You were a little paranoid since you’ve moved here, a lot of break-ins happened in the neighborhood over the last couple of months. To top it all off, you lived on the first floor, easy access to your apartment from the sidewalk. But it was cheap and one of the few places you could actually afford with your crappy job.

Your shoes flew across the hallway and you made your way over to the small kitchen, checking for anything edible but to no surprised it was empty. A sigh left your mouth, not wanting to go out again and get something to eat. So, pizza delivery should do for tonight, even though it would be the third night in a row.

When the pizza finally arrived you sat yourself in front of your TV and watched some random series, not actually interested in the content itself but you needed the background noise to start your assignment later.

Your phone screen lit up, indicating a new message. You grabbed your phone but dropped it once your read the message. Your heart started racing, threatening to either burst out your chest or stop beating completely. Your body got cold and you started to shiver.

Do you like watching that shit?

You put the piece of pizza away and got up, storming from window to window, looking outside and the closing the curtains once you made sure no one was there. You stalked back to the sofa and picked up your phone from the floor, reading the message again. Surely, this had to be a joke, right? Your friends were just messing with you, right?

You opened the text with trembling fingers. You didn’t know the number that was displayed on top of the message. Maybe Daisuke bought a sim card just to scare you? But why would he do that? He wasn’t the type to do this, especially since his girlfriend would reprimand him for doing that.

Who are you?

Not a minute later you got a reply.

You can call me Dabi.

Dabi? Obviously, a fake name but you wouldn’t ask him for his real name. Hell, you didn’t want to answer him at all again and were tempted to just block this number. But the next message flew right in.

How you doin’?

Did he really try to do small talk?

Stop messaging me!

And that was it. No messages anymore. Maybe it was one of your friends after all. Still, the anxiety still remained.

In the middle of the night you woke up to your phone vibrating, the bright screen blinding you. You pressed your eyes together and opened them again, trying to recognize the number that was calling you at this ungodly hour. When your eyes got used to the brightness you looked at the scree – unknown number. Annoyed, you put the phone aside again and were relieved when it finally stopped ringing. The room turned dark again and you closed your eyes, ready to fall asleep again.

Your phone screen lit up once more, this time another text. You didn’t bother checking it and fell asleep instead, being consumed by complete darkness until the next morning when your alarm went off.

You didn’t check your phone until you sitting in a seat on the bus, surrounded by strangers who were on their ways to work as well. The small red symbol indicated a voice mail. You dialed the number to your voicemail and waited until the automatic announcement signalized the new voice mail. You tried to hear anything but there was just the rush of wind and a faint breathing. Then it was over. Confused, you deleted it, thinking it must’ve been an accident. But your mind wandered back to the night before and the texts. You checked the number from the texts and the one from the voicemail.

You could see the number that was used to text you but not the one from the missed call and the voicemail. So, you had no proof that it was the same number. It made you feel uneasy nevertheless.

What were you looking for?

The message came out of nowhere. The same number as last night. Why? Why was that person texting you? Hadn’t you made it clear that you wanted to be left alone?

Leave me alone.

It’s dangerous on those websites. Ye never know what people you might encounter.

You snorted. Yeah, people like you.

Like you?

It was bold of you to answer but by this point you were more annoyed by that person than scared. How fast your feelings could change…

Like me? I’m pretty harmless.

A short pause before another text came in.

What were you looking for?

He asked again, not leaving it alone. You were about to type in an answer when you stopped. Why didn’t you question it before? Why didn’t you question some stranger suddenly starting to chat you up on the dark web and not long after continued to text you on your phone? It clicked and you chuckled like someone who had just solved a mystery.

Good try but I know it’s you, Daisuke. Quit making up fake names.

You got off the bus and felt your phone vibrate.

What makes you think I’m Daisuke?

You shook your head in disbelief. Why was he keeping this act up? He was there when you entered this website, he was there when your friend sent this message to the group chat and he probably also saw the private message you got before closing the window.

Stop it already. I don’t trust the others doing that shit and you were there when we went on that stupid side. You just want to scare me.

No reply. Now, I’ve got you finally!

Would you believe me if I told you I’m not Daisuke?

This was getting ridiculous.

Please, just leave me alone. I’m about to start work. See you tonight and you better not text me again from this number. It’s getting annoying.

You were invited to a party at night, all of your friends were going as well. You were tired from work but didn’t want to miss out on the fun. You got ready at home. Tight jeans, a cute shirt and pumps – subtle but not too prude. You did your make-up in a cute but sexy way, highlighting your eyes and putting on lipstick. Content with your outfit you left the apartment once your friend’s car showed up, locking the door twice.

“Why would you keep texting me?!” you yelled at Daisuke when you met him at the party. He was making out with his girl, both already drunk. “What?” his eyes were unfocused when you hold your phone screen up in his face. He squinted his eyes to read the texts before he started chuckling. “Why woulddi texxxt you somethn’ like that?” he slurred, a derpy smile on his lips. Frustrated, you threw your hands in the air and stomped off, annoyed by this whole shenanigan. But okay, you would prove that it was him!

You walked off to the side where it was quieter, eyes on Daisuke and his girlfriend, and called the number from the text. It rang twice before someone picked up.

You froze in place. Daisuke was not holding his phone. Rather the opposite; his hands were occupied with moving under his girl’s shirt, groping her breasts shamelessly.

You didn’t dare speak up, a huge lump in your throat. You heard a slow breath from the other side of the phone but nothing more.

“You havin’ fun at the party, Y/n?”

You screamed and dropped your phone, clutching your hands together, bringing them up to your face. Your whole body trembled and you stared at the bright phone screen, the time counting up, indicating the still active call. A few people were looking at you bewildered but didn’t seem to care too much.

Slowly, you picked up the phone again, bringing it back to your ear.

“No need to scream.”

A dark chuckle resonated trough the phone. It sounded amused but it was more than unnerving.

“W-who are you?” You asked with a meek voice. You pressed your back to the wall behind you for support but unable to just hang up the phone.

“Rude to just forget someone’s name. Didn’t take you as this type of girl.”

Dabi, that was his name, you remembered.

“H-how did you get my number?” you demanded to know, insecurity almost oozing out of your voice. Another chuckle, this time a little more sinister.

“You really wanna know?”

Did you? Probably not, but you still answered yes.

“Not gonna tell ya.”

There was another pause before he started speaking again.

“The jeans look good on you. Turn around so I can take a better look.”

Your knees gave in and you started crying, phone clutching in your hand but not able to end the call. The people around you started to look worried and got closer, asking if you were okay.

“You’re usually not supposed to cry when receiving a compliment. You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’. Can you say thank you, Y/n?”

“Leave me alone!” you yelled at the phone and threw it across the room. It smashed against the opposite wall and you saw the screen go black. You pressed your knees against your chest, tears running down your face. Who was this man? Why was he watching you?

Your friends rushed over, worry written all over their faces. “Y/n! Y/n! What’s wrong?” they asked, some of them stroking your back but you couldn’t pull yourself together. The music had stopped and a cluster of people had formed around you.

“Someone is watching me…” you whispered so only your friends could hear. One of them grabbed your phone from the opposite wall and walked over towards you, phone in hand and ready to hand it to you.

“I don’t think it’s broken. You can probably just start it again.” He said and hold it out for you to grab. Hesitantly, you grabbed it but didn’t turn it on.

“C-can you just drive me home, please?” you asked your friend with teary eyes and shaky voice. Concerned, she nodded and helped you up. Some of them insisted on staying with you but you said no. You just wanted to barricade yourself in your apartment and only leave when it was bright outside again.

On your way home you turned on your phone but there were no new messages. But you were far from feeling relieved. Only once you were home and locked every door, every window and hid under your blanket would you feel somewhat safe again. But not right now, not when you were outside and still visible for anyone to see.

“I need to stop at the gas station real quick. You can wait here.” Your friend said and pulled up next to the entrance. She probably wanted to buy some cigarettes. You stayed in the car when your phone vibrated once again. Tears formed in your eyes again; you felt hopeless when you slowly opened the message. There was a picture. It was dark but there was light in the distance. You looked closer and recognized the place.

Without thinking you jumped out the car and started running. You knew you were close to your home, not too far away. You heard your friend call from the distance but you didn’t stop, just ran straight into the forest next to the station which would eventually lead you right to your home. Sticks scratched against your skin, thick roots of trees made you stumble but you always caught yourself.

Your phone started ringing and you could see that it was your friend calling. But you didn’t answer. Instead, you kept on running until you could see houses in the distance. Almost. Just a couple hundred yards.

You crossed the street, fumbling with your keys and needing more than one attempt to unlock the door, looking over your shoulder over and over again to make sure that there wasn’t anyone here.

Tears blurred your vision but finally you managed to unlock your apartment door and closed it right behind you, locking it as often as you could. Before you could feel at least some sort of relief you ran to the windows, checked if they were closed and closed the curtains. Then, and only then did you sink to the floor, starting to sob uncontrollably. Why was this happening? What have you done to deserve this? It was just a stupid dare, why is he targeting me?

A small buzzing sound led your focus to your phone. You didn’t want to look but you had to, regretting it instantaneously. A moan of agony made its way out of the depth of your body. You didn’t want to answer but your hand moved on its own.

“Glad you made it home safely.”

“FUCK OFF! I’M GONNA CALL THE POLICE!!!” you screamed, sure you woke up some of the other residents. Good, you thought. The more people awake the more likely it was that he didn’t do anything funny. His tone changed.

“No, you won’t.” he sounded self-assured, as if he knew exactly how you would behave.

“Cause if you do I have to hurt you.” He said it as if he was talking about the weather, nonchalantly.

“Y-You said you were harmless.” You argued, sounding pathetic. You crawled over the floor to the furthest corner of the room where you could watch the door to your apartment.

“Did I?”

He sounded musing as if he tried to remember.

“Guess it was a lie then.”

“What do you want?” you pleaded but you didn’t get an answer to your question.

“Are you sure you locked the door?”

The sudden question had you widen your eyes. Have you? Of course! It was the first thing you did! But did you really lock it?

“Maybe you should check it.”

You didn’t want to. Maybe he was standing right in front of your door, waiting for you to open it. But what if you didn’t lock the door? Anxiety took over your thinking and you crawled over to the door, checking the handle. Relieve filled your body when you realized it was, indeed, locked.

“Guess you locked it after all. Do you have your keys?”

Keys? You looked up at the small table where you usually kept your keys. No keys. Dread filled you and you wanted to curl up into a ball. Was he in your apartment? Your heard him chuckle again.

“Don’t worry. I don’t have your keys. You probably dropped them somewhere.”

Your eyes wandered over the floor and there they were, next to the bathroom door. How they got there was beyond you but you couldn’t care less. They were there and that was all that mattered.

“Leave me alone. Please!” a high pitched voice you didn’t recognize as your own echoed through the apartment.

“Leave me alone.”

He mocked you.

“But okay. I will leave you alone. If you can tell me where I am right now.”

It clicked and he had hung up. Your head shot up and you looked around. He was in here! You knew it! Or was he messing with you? But how did he know where your keys were? He could’ve guessed. But you should’ve been able to hear him if he actually was in your apartment. He just wanted to make you more and more paranoid.

You got up, knees weak and barely supporting your body weight. Fear clung to your body like a second skin and you tried to keep your mind from racing a thousand miles a minute by telling yourself that he was bluffing. Still, you moved from room to room, turning on the lights and checking every single room.

No one in sight. He’s not here. You felt a burden fall off your back and relief flooded your senses instead. He was just bluffing.

You slowly calmed down but didn’t go to bed until you couldn’t keep your eyes open again. You were almost asleep when your phone vibrated on the night stand. You were too tired to open the message and instead drifted into a dreamless sleep.

You forgot to check the closet.

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #dabi imagine #touya todoroki #todoroki touya #non-quirk AU

24 notes · View notes

imaginesmai · 4 years

Text

Taron Egerton - Hypothetically

This is my first Taron Egerton fic, I hope you like it!! This is for the bunch of people who have been requesting me to do something about Taron. Most of them were anon and requested some alphabets. I don’t think I can do that about him, becuase that’s what I find most difficult.

Plot: you find something that you didn’t mean to in Taron’s tablet, and you wish it had been porn.

It started accidentally. You were working and needed to look something up, but your computer was maxed out running a new program, so you picked up Taron’s tablet which he had left on the table. He had never been particularly previous about keeping his stuff to himself – in fact, he had configured your fingerprints to let you in – so you helped yourself without asking and opened his browser.

A white with golden ornaments webpage greeted you. It took you a while to understand what was it about, because it was early in the morning and because you didn’t read what the website was about. Once you squinted your eyes and looked thoughtfully at the title, you almost passed out.

Taron had been reading about weddings. Specifically, top ten places to have a wedding and impress your girlfriend.

Eyes widening, you dropped the device on the table with a clatter. Hearing Taron bustling in the small kitchen of your cute vintage aparment, you shoved it back in place awkwardly, and forced your eyes back to your own flickering screen. Suddenly, friction coefficients didn’t seem so important.

“Y/N?”

You jumped out of your skin and turned to see him sticking his head around the door. The sight would have been funny if you weren’t so nervous; he was wearing a hairnet and a glittering apron. He gave you a slightly concerned frown.

“Are you… alright?”

“Yeah! Fine, thanks. Sorry, just… working” you chuckled, pressing random keys on the computer. “I was just concentrating”

“I bet it’s on something really smart” he teased, and you gave him your most real smile. “Sorry for startling you”

“No, it’s okay. Fine. I’m fine!” your voice sounded unnaturally high-pitched even for you.

Taron’s concern didn’t seem to entirely abate, extremely reasonably given your babbling, so he stepped closer and dropped a gentle hand on your shoulder. Despite everything, something about him was always so perfectly solid, comforting and safe that you found yourself breathing almost normally again.

You turned up to him and smiled; not even that forced. Taron liked to get into his characters in the most strange ways, so maybe he had just been looking it up for his new film. You repeated that to yourself at least twenty times in your head, while he massaged your shoulder in a gentle way. There was no way you had just discovered him looking up ideas for your weeding.

“I’m okay, really” you assured him. You gripped his wrist with your hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “Just a bit stressed over the project”

“The astrophysics one?”

You had been working on a new project for college for a few months, wanting to be as perfect as possible. It was your last work before graduating on your master, and if everything went well, you would be able to get a real job in a few weeks. Taron had been very helpful on the way, taking care of you when you forgot and being there in every moment.

Nodding, you looked back to the screen.

“It’s almost over, just a few more details”

“You’re gonna do amazing” he bent down and kissed your cheek. “And I’m gonna brag so hard about my physic girlfriend”

Girlfriend. Not wife, or at least not yet. Muttering a quick ‘love you’, Taron turned back to the kitchen; and you gave the forgotten tablet a side glance, checking that it hadn’t been all a dream.

- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, what is with you?” Betty, your best friend, demanded the next day. “I’ve just told you three times what happened last night with Brian, and you still have to give the talk about going back with my ex. And I don’t buy that you suddenly like him. ”

You shook your head and finally looked over your friend. She was visiting you for a few hours, and was updating you from life back at home while you two had coffee in a beautiful café you found when you arrived. Betty lived back home, working in a supermarket, while you had to travel away to be with Taron. So it was a rare occasion, to see both of you together, and you were completely wasting it because you couldn’t stop thinking about the tablet.

You sighed, and tried to remember what she was talking about as you looked down to your coffee. It had a weird shape made on the top – and it wasn’t as if you only though about it, but it looked like a ring to you.

“He’s an asshole, I don’t know why you go out with him. But I love you anyway” you repeated like a mantra. Everytime you met, Betty had gone back to his ex-boyfriend, a boy who didn’t deserve her, so you thought it wouldn’t be very hard to keep the conversation going.

It didn’t go that well.

“I’ve just told you that I’ve blocked him, so I’m gonna assume you haven’t heard an inch of what I’ve said” she rubbed a tired hand over the bridge of her nose, and finally looked at you with a raised brow. “All right, what has he done now?”

You blinked at Betty. It was disingenuous to pretend you didn’t know who ‘he’ was meant to be, but you found her easy perception disconcerting.

“Nothing!” you shook your hand, and sighed, because lying to a spy would be as useful as watering an artificial plant. “Not really – I just, borrowed his table and accidentally saw some of his browsing history.”

Betty’s eyebrows rose higher than you thought possible, and you sighed. She wasn’t the person you wanted to talk about that; actually, you didn’t want to talk about it to anyone. But you had the impression that if you didn’t you would just explode. Before you had time to explain, Betty talked.

“Looking at porn is normal in –“

“Not that!” you interrupted her. “He was reading stuff… about weddings. And I know it’s probably nothing and just some background reading for his new movie – although I thought it was about spies. But I was kinda shocked? And for some reason my brain won’t shut off and keeps thinking about it.”

Betty snorted with laughter and then just kept laughing. You grumbled and turned back to your coffee, blush on your cheeks.

“Your life is turning into the worst sort of romantic comedy” she laughed. “Come on, what did you expect? We’re talking about Taron! The boy asked you to move in the third month of your relationship! What will be the next chapter? Kids? Retirement plans? I bet he has – “

“Shut up” you mumbled.

It was true that your relationship with the actor had been… rushed. You had met him through a mutual friend, and within the first month of talking, he had already invited you on a date. He was perfect in every way you could imagine; attentive, funny, handsome, gentle and affectionate. He always put you first when it came to decisions, and you were sure he would drop everything if he asked you to do so.

Thoughts about Taron plagued your mind and you smiled sheepishly.

“Then ask him” Betty shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. “If you’re not worried about spoiling the surprise, of course”

“But it has been merely a year!” voicing out your concerns didn’t make you feel any better.

“So? My mom proposed to my dad three months after they started dating”

“Aren’t your parents divorced?”

“And not in talking terms”

You buried your face in your arms and closed your eyes tightly. It seemed, like it wasn’t going to be an easy task. Betty’s phone rang and you didn’t have to look to know it was Brian. You didn’t bother in looking up or saying goodbye, just heard her hurried steps as she left the place to talk to him.

You had more than enough with your problems.

You decided to ask him that evening.

You had always prided yourself in being a practical kind of person, and not someone who made assumptions based on guesswork and lack of evidence. Also, you didn’t think you could stand a surprise proposal without fainting on the spot.

Closing the door again, you announced your arrival and received a quick greeting from Taron. Noises could be heard from the kitchen, and a peek look while you took off your jacket let you know that he was cooking. He was wearing again the awful apron, and you salivated just by the smell of the food. Taron had always loved to cook, from impressive breakfast to surprising meals; after your fair share of disappointment and food poisoning, he had become quite talented at that.

You pressed a kiss to his cheek while he moved what seemed pork in the pan, and he answered by dragging you closer and planting a full kiss on your lips while you were serving yourself some water.

You smiled tight, returned the kiss and decided that you were doing it later.

That later, actually, came when dinner was finished.

You were almost falling asleep on his lap after a delicious dinner, dozing off on the film that you were trying to see. You couldn’t focus on what it was about, but rather on how to keep your eyes open to ask him about the weeding. You were laying your head on his thighs, and he had both of hands on you. One of his hands was caressing on your hip, warm and soft against the naked skin, and the other massaging your scalp, occasionally undoing on the knots of your hair. It felt ridiculous to ruin the mood by something that stupid, but you knew he would notice something was off eventually; and he tended to panic.

“So” you started.

Taron stopped moving for a second, before going back to his business. He, unlike you, liked to watch the movies you played on weekends, and got really invested into some of them. Usually, when you interrupted it, he got all mad and playfully banned you from the couch. But he had known you wanted to talk about something all day, from how silent you had been during dinner.

“So, Y/N” he repeated, and you smacked his thigh.

“You know – I borrowed your tabled, this morning?”

He frowned and you could hear the wheels turning in his brain. Taron, as said before, was the most paranoid boy you had ever met; and not in a bad way, because he fully trusted you, but it was true that he tended to think about conclusions before getting the facts.

“Was it porn?” he asked, and you felt like screaming for the second time that day. “Because I don’t think I opened it today. But, you know – we’ve had this conversation before, it’s hard when you –“

“I’m talking about the wedding plans, Taron”

Now, he really stopped moving. You felt him going tense under you, and the only thing he managed to do was to press silent with the remote he was holding. You could probably hear a pin dropping on the street, but in that moment the only thing you heard was Taron’s breathing and your heart beating loudly.

The truth was, Taron didn’t have the heart to make any excuse. He had already thought that it was a bit rushed, because you hadn’t been dating for that long. But recently, one of his friends was getting married, and all the preparations had made him look up some details about… your possible wedding. Just imagining you in the white dress he had seen the last week or in the beach, walking towards him, gave him chills.

“Uh”

Taron tried to say anything that might had excused the tabs on his tablet, and he mentally kicked himself for it not being porn. He could deal with an argument about the inconveniences of it, but not with you saying him ‘no’ already. He hadn’t even meant to ask you yet – he was curious. You were still looking at him, so he gave you a hesitant smile.

“I just see myself with you” he blurted out, much more confident of what he felt. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. “You’re so perfect, and complement me so well. I just – lately I’m always thinking about the future, and in every possibility there is you, with me, married and maybe with some kids. I’m sorry if… I know it’s rushed, and you don’t have to say anything. I just… imagining a future with you makes me keep going. Hypothetically ”

Taron shrugged at the end, as if it hadn’t been the most beautiful thing he had ever told you. He had a tendency to do that, a lot. Even if he was talkative and open on the outside, behind closed doors Taron was a bit shy. From your side vision, someone did something stupid in the film and got murdered.

You shifted so that you were back to your original position, having laid on your back to look at him. You turned your head to the screen and Taron pressed back the volume, and you didn’t miss how he slumped down and sighed.

Truly, you didn’t know what do say. Taron had been what you had always wanted in partner, and in the short amount of time you had been with him, you hadn’t discovered a single thing that made you not like him.

His hands were resting behind you, as if he was afraid to touch you. You reached for one and made him hug your middle until you could play with his fingers on your front.

“Just so you know, hypothetically” you started, fidgeting and looking at the blonde friend who tried to run from the killer in the TV. “I would say yes”

Taron smiled so wide that he thought he could slip his head in two, and finally relaxed into the touch. His hand that wasn’t trapped by you started playing with your hair once more, and the relaxed and happy mood that you enjoyed before was back.

“Well, I love you a lot. And that’s not hypothetically”

“I love you too, moron” you smiled and closed your eyes, ready to finally drift off.

Want to know more about me? Here is my Masterlist! Feedback is always appreciated!!

#taron egerton #taron egerton imagine #taron egerton one shot #taron egerton x reader #imaginemai #imaginesmai #kingsman #kingsmain imagine #kingsman one shot #kingsman x reader #rocketman #rocketman imagine #rocketman one shot #rocketman x reader #eggsy unwin #eggsy unwin imagine #eggsy x reader #eggsy one shot #eggsy

263 notes · View notes

uniformbravo · 3 years

Text

having a full on existential crisis over an episode of anime i watched tonight

it all started with big time rush

in 2009 a sitcom called big time rush aired for the first time on nickelodeon; it was about a group of four teenaged boys from minnesota who move to hollywood under a famous producer to become his next big boy band sensation. a simple premise, launched into unprecedented success, resulting in four seasons of musical shenanigans, three full music albums, and three big concert tours, including international shows. the band, both fictional and real life, featured four attractive young men by the names of kendall, james, carlos, and logan. they quickly gained a fan base of mostly teenage girls, which resulted in online spaces created for the purpose of sharing their passion, and as is common in such online communities, this certainly involved fanfiction- lots of it.

enter me, a teen in high school who loved to write fanfiction. my big time journey began the day my younger sister decided to put on the show big time rush in the living room, where i sat at the family computer typing away. the noise caught my attention, and i got sucked into the episode. there was a boy wearing a dress on the screen. i became interested.

i watched more of the show. i typed its name into the search bar on the website fanfiction dot net. i had a friend at school who shared my interest in fanfiction, particularly of the slash variety. i introduced her to this new show i had been watching. she shared a fanfic she had enjoyed immensely with me. we dragged each other into the world of big time rush fanfiction reading and writing.

it took over my life; i lived and breathed big time rush. i began posting my own stories to fanfiction dot net. i received positive feedback; i met people. i made friends- two people in particular who became very close friends. we communicated through ffn’s private messaging system, then through email. we talked every day, we wrote stories for and with each other, we exchanged phone numbers. it was one of these friends who introduced me to the website called tumblr, where fellow fans of our beloved big time rush gathered and talked about it- a community.

it was a slow start- this website was new and unfamiliar to me- but eventually i got the hang of things and settled into my niche. i had fun, gained followers, met even more people. tumblr was a place not only for sharing one singular interest, but for accumulating all of your various interests and celebrating them in one place. it was through this aspect that i first learned of the up and coming band known as one direction.

they had released their first smash hit single and everyone was talking about it. i was wary, far too loyal to my beloved big time rush- but eventually i started to feel left out and in an effort to feel included, i decided to take the plunge and see what this “1d” was all about. it was intimidating, though- there was so much information, and no apparent beginner’s guide to tell me where to start. this drove me to making a post calling for a “one direction buddy” to take this role, to introduce me to all the most important aspects of this band. and my call was answered.

enter my wonderful friend cam, a follower of mine at the time. they were into both big time rush and one direction and were eager to provide me with all the information needed to get into 1d. while ultimately this venture didn’t amount to anything, as i lost interest in becoming a fan, my friendship with cam persisted and we grew very close. even as time went on and big time rush faded into the background to be replaced with newer, fresher interests, and our paths as fellow fandom members split, we kept in contact and remained friends. years and years of fandoms, years and years of friendship.

in the midst of the tenth year, cam developed a new interest, in a sport called ice hockey. as is tradition, they shared their passion with me, showing me their favorite team, highlighting their favorite members. we watched a game together. personally, i’ve never been one for sports, but i am quite into anime, which consists of many genres, including the “sports” genre. one in particular that i’ve enjoyed immensely in the past is the volleyball anime, haikyuu!!. this anime devotes a lot of time to explaining and depicting the sport in a way that makes it easy for any viewer to understand the rules and inner workings of volleyball. it’s exciting. it’s the first time i’ve ever even adjacently been invested in a sport. one could even call it a gateway into the world of sports.

all this to say, when i watched that game of ice hockey with cam, the same parts of my brain that loved haikyuu!! lit up and in a classic display of my specific brand of interest, i found myself yearning for the epic highs and lows of ice hockey, but in an animated format. an animated format originating in japan. a japanese animation. an anime. my curiosity burned a hole in my brain that resulted in a combination of the google search bar and the words, “hockey anime”.

to my disappointment, i found nothing- at least, not to the degree i was hoping. there is an upcoming anime, slated to air in the fall 2021 anime season, about a group of girls who form an ice hockey team together- as it is an original project rather than an adaptation, it remains to be seen whether the anime will fall into the category of “sports anime,” or if indeed it will lean much more closely to the “moe” genre. the latter is not what i had in mind during that particular search.

adding the anime called “pride of orange” to my “plan to watch” list on myanimelist dot com, i moved onto the next result: an article about an early 2010’s anime i had never heard of before. while not about the sport i was looking for, it featured a character whose signature weapon was a field hockey stick. it wasn’t even the right sport. it was a weak, insignificant link, but all was not lost.

i happen to have an affinity for watching anime i happen upon completely by random and know little to nothing about; i found the movie “anthem of the heart” purely coincidentally, when i searched the name “jun” as part of some research for one of my original characters and discovered that it was the main character of said movie, which i then watched and ended up enjoying quite a lot. another time, when i was at best buy one day i happened upon a dvd on their dedicated anime shelf for a movie called “hana and alice”, which i had never heard of before. i liked the box art, so i took a picture of it to remember the title and watched it on my own later that week; it became one of my favorite movies.

with these and other similar experiences in mind, i saved the anime in my “plan to watch” list, and, later that same week, began my watch of “sket dance.”

it’s a school comedy anime, one of my favorite genres, so it’s no surprise that after overcoming the initial skepticism i carry into every new show i watch it quickly became my new fixation. not an obsession, but something i was pleasantly surprised to find consistently enjoyable. the characters are fun, the humor is tight and fresh, and the stories are unexpectedly touching at the right moments. everything i like to see.

which brings us to tonight. the culmination of this ten plus year string of events and occurrences. getting into big time rush. joining tumblr. meeting cam. watching anime. searching for hockey anime.

i put down my apple(TM) pencil. i set my ipad aside. i downsized the ebook window i’d been referencing. i stretched; i was hungry and tired. i’d been rereading passages of various animorphs books all day. i needed a break. i needed to sit back with some food and an episode of my latest comfort watch, sket dance. it’d be nice to set the dramatic, tragic world of animorphs aside for something lighthearted and fun in its place.

well.

i sat down with my bowl of strawberries and played the episode. it finished. i watched another. this one broke the formula a bit, played with the art style. i was into it. the preview for the next episode was mysteriously blank, and short, stating only the title. it was intriguing. i’m down for the show to get a bit more serious for an episode, i thought. i’m down for some potential backstory for one of the main three. i’m ready.

i was not ready.

bruh.

b r u h .

next two episodes proceeded to take me out back and beat me to within an inch of my life, slowly at first and then all at once. barely made it out alive. questioning everything. how can a show, so silly and goofy, do that, to me. how could i let my guard down like that. how could i be so tricked, and deceived, and blindsided like this. i don’t know who to trust. i don’t know if i can trust again. whiplash so damaging, permanent. i thought i wanted answers. i thought i wanted to know backstory. i didn’t want this. i never wanted this. emptiness

how did it come to this, these twelve years of my life. had i known back then, would i have posted that fanfiction? would i have joined tumblr? would i have sook out a “one direction buddy”? a hollow husk of a person, i am left with only my thoughts to ponder this small history of mine. the things i could have done differently. the things others could have done differently. all these butterfly effect moments, adding up to what? culminating in what? it’s 2:26 am and i’m writing an essay on how shook i am over that episode instead of going to sleep. but i can’t just say nothing, you know? i need to put something out there, reach deep enough within myself to find the thing that’s still there, broken and huddled and tiny as it is. i need to feel some semblance of the self again. the me from before i watched this episode. the innocent version of myself, blissful in ignorance. it’s too late now.

that episode…………..was fucked up. that was seriously fucked up. im not okay bro they really just came in left field and slapped that in my face expecting me to get up and walk away just fine afterwards like No that isn’t how this Works y’all need to bundle some therapy sessions with ur episodes pullin that shit come ON

exhaustion is taking over the shock, i am simply tired now. i will fall asleep and when i wake up sket dance will be a happy fun show again with NO fucked up backstories ever Or Else. i’m fucking serious right now i’m gonna count to 3 and that shit better be retconned when i turn around,

screams

thank you

#tldr sket dance has some really fucked up shit in it & i wasn’t expecting it & im having a crisis #it was supposed to be funnie clown show not ouchie oof show #how did it end up like this #fuck. christ. what the fuck #retag later #ani blogging #me watchin this show: yea this is fun like idk if i see myself getting /invested/ invested but i’m enjoying myself nonetheless!#gets to That Episode: …../oh./ oh i /see./ we’re doing That Shit huh #*sound of me getting /invested/ invested*#just a neat lil show about funy jokes :)#wheeeeeeee

1 note · View note

magic-and-moonlit-wings · 4 years

Photo

How Turning Jim Into A Troll Disempowered Jim As A Character

or, Why Some Of The Audience Found That Sequence Distasteful And Are Still Bitter

(Screenshots are sourced and abridged from the springhole.net article ‘On Writing Empowered & Empowering Characters’ - this website offers advice for structuring and analyzing narratives, characterization, setting, and themes, and also a bunch of fun generators for those things.)

Jim did not consent to being turning part-troll. Consent gained through coercion is not consent, and “everyone you care about will probably die horribly if you don’t do as I say” is coercive.

Jim gets a strength and agility boost from being shape-shifted, which, yes, did give him an advantage when fighting Gunmar in single combat, but

fighting Gunmar in single combat went against the show’s ongoing theme about how Jim’s capacity for teamwork gave him an advantage that past Trollhunters did not have, and

in a coordinated group attack, either Claire’s teleportation or Toby’s flying hammer could have let them get Jim into a position to land the kill strike against Gunmar without Jim needing to change species.

Jim lost his abilities to

eat food of the sort to which he is accustomed,

be in sunlight, and

be in human-occupied spaces without a disguise, unless the humans are either already aware of and cool with trolls or believe he is in costume.

His freedom of movement and who he can interact with socially and under what circumstances has thus been severely curtailed. Furthermore, the loss of familiar things, such as any old favourite comfort foods, is not good for emotional health.

Jim has to adjust to completely new instincts and a completely new body. I have commented in the past that, logically, the changes to his height, weight, limb length, center of gravity, and reflex speed, could have added up to Jim being completely uncoordinated and needing to relearn how to fight from scratch after his transformation, defeating the stated purpose of said transformation as a means to defeat Gunmar quickly.

Jim’s personality has also been changed by his transformation. In his sparring match with AAARRRGGHH and Claire, he was more confident and playful, and in the final battle he demonstrated more aggression than he usually does.

Neither of those developments are bad, but having those changes come about abruptly, as a side-effect of a magical transformation, is unpalatable compared to a gradual shift in personality over time. It feels like a cop-out from writing character development.

Furthermore, if Jim notices his personality is different post-transformation, this will exacerbate the identity crisis that he still hasn’t finished resolving.

+=+

Jim being turned into a troll has been speculated about since the first season, and I think the fan theories about it may also have influenced the negative reaction from some sections of the audience. The fan theories and related fanfics posited three broad categories of ways Jim might become a troll:

1) Troll Magic Overexposure. Jim’s transformation would occur by accident, akin to Blinky’s transformation into a human, probably due to exposure to some trollish artifact or potion, or possibly as a cumulative response to all the trollish magic Jim has been exposed to over the series.

2) Changeling Heritage. Jim’s transformation was something he was always hypothetically capable of, or a natural part of his puberty, due to trollish ancestry of which Jim had been unaware prior to that point; usually James Lake Senior being a Changeling. This could and often did cross over with the first idea, with troll magic being the catalyst which activated Jim’s troll genes.

3) Enemy Action. Jim’s transformation would be forced on him by an enemy, usually crossing over with one or both of the previous theories. I believe I recall a couple of stories where Gunmar’s attempted use of the Decimaar Blade on Jim was the catalyst to activate Jim’s previously-unknown Changeling genes.

Because expectations existed, there is a natural inclination to try and make the data fit that pattern.

Considering Merlin’s treatment of Jim in the episode in question, it is easy to file Jim’s canonical transformation under the ‘Enemy Action’ theory. The fact it was done by a supposed ally clashes with the theory’s premise, encouraging anyone who considers this theory canon to emphasize Merlin’s cruel and abusive behaviour towards Jim in the pre-transformation scenes, and to consider other instances of Merlin’s callousness towards various characters as evidence Merlin was an antagonist masquerading as an ally all along.

The majority of pre-Season Three Troll!Jim stories also had the transformation reverse, wear off, or (in the Changeling!Jim stories) Jim’s human and troll forms become shapes he could shift between, so having a supposedly permanent transformation occur drew backlash from those invested in this possibility.

+=+

Having Jim transform only three episodes before the end of the series was a poor decision on the writers’ part. The audience was not given enough time to bond with Troll!Jim before he entered the Big Final Battle that the audience had spent three seasons anticipating finding out how Human!Jim was going to win.

Just as Jim fighting Gunmar alone went against the series’ emphasis on the importance of teamwork, Jim becoming a troll to fight Gunmar went against the series’ emphasis on how Jim being human - physically human, with the squishiness and ability to survive in sunlight that this implies - could give him an advantage against troll opponents, who aren’t used to fighting humans who have sufficient armour, weaponry, and training to not be immediately overrun.

Jim’s strategic thinking and the different culture of his upbringing still allows him to come up with strategies that a troll raised among trolls wouldn’t think of, but the physical advantages and disadvantages of being a human fighting a troll have been cast aside, and now he’s just a smaller troll fighting a bigger troll.

This can still result in cool fight scenes, but when opponents start out with extreme differences in size, strength, and fighting style, reducing the contrast between them makes their fights less visually and narratively interesting than they could have been if the original extreme contrast was left alone.

+=+

In case it is not visible, the clipped article from Springhole in the screenshots above reads as follows.

[begin screenshot 1 of 2, medium-blue text on pale blue background]

What can undermine a character’s perceived empowerment:

These are some tropes and traits that can potentially undermine this character being perceived as empowered or empowering by audiences. Some issues to watch out for include:

The “empowering” traits come from something that happened without the character’s consent.

For example, by being forced to undergo experimentation or training that gives the character new powers or skills. It’s important to note that this isn’t always bad, especially if the character uses these traits to gain freedom. However, it can still leave a bad taste in some people’s mouths, especially if what happened to the character was especially brutal or torturous, or if the character isn’t actually responsible for getting free.

[end screenshot 1 of 2] [begin screenshot 2 of 2, same colour scheme, medium-blue text on pale blue background]

The “empowering” traits are not actually within the character’s control, or they even cause the character to lose agency.

For example, if the character’s powers only manifest under high stress whether the character likes it or not, or only manifest at random or at the whim of another*, or if they force the character into a mindless berserker-like state**, or are just generally too unstable to have proper control over.

The empowering traits come packed along with significantly disempowering ones.

For example, a procedure that gave a character awesome powers also caused such severe mental damage that near-constant supervision is required to prevent the character from doing something disastrous, or the character’s powers often end up causing severe weakness or a loss of consciousness.

[end screenshot 2 of 2]

*The Amulet of Daylight and Merlin’s ability to manipulate it also come to mind. Although Jim does develop skill in controlling the Amulet after its erratic behaviour in the early episodes, the way that Merlin wrested control away from Jim was similar in tone to the moment in various superhero shows where a character’s power suit is ‘hacked’.

** This is why Strickler dosing Jim with Grave Sand wasn’t an empowering scene. (To my knowledge, no one’s been arguing that it was; I’m just giving an example.) Jim had little control of the situation even before he was drugged, and less afterwards. This was presented in the show as a bad thing, so having Merlin later do something similar and trying to present it as a good thing is jarring.

+=+

On a tangentially related note, I noted in Jim’s one appearance in 3Below Season Two that he’s still wearing the Eclipse Armour, even though Gunmar is dead and Jim doesn’t need the Triumbric Stones anymore.

Palette swaps are one of the cheapest ways to change an animation model, so unless the studio was already over-budget, this suggests there was a narrative reason why Daylight wasn’t in use instead.

I posit that Jim has decided to keep using the ‘for the doom of Gunmar’ incantation because he doesn’t really feel like saying ‘for the glory of Merlin’ anymore.

Or he still hasn’t managed to get the armour off since the Eternal Night, but I like this other idea better.

(Queued/posted before Wizards aired and potentially confirmed or refuted this.)

+=+=+

If I recall correctly, and if this information is still accurate, tumblr only shows Original Posts on the main page of the first five tags listed, to prevent people from tag-spamming to get on as many pages as possible.

As such, I have put the #Troll Jim tag low in the list, so it will still be searchable on my blog - I file reblogs of content both for and against Jim’s transformation under that tag - but this post should not be hassling the pro-Troll!Jim contingent by showing up in the main tag.

Let me know if I need to rearrange things, or take that tag off long enough to let this post get off the tag’s first page.

#Controversial #commentary #Trollhunters #Tales of Arcadia #Merlin needs to be Rule Number 3'd #shapeshifting #consent through fear is not consent #Jim Lake Jr #Troll Jim #3Below #toaWizards #Amulet of Daylight #Grave Sand #long post

26 notes · View notes

cav-core · 4 years

Note

22-30?

22. How do you come up with character names? Do the names have a special meaning? If so, what are they?

I put so much time and energy into names usually. I have to like the sound, can’t hate the meaning/find it too incongruous with the character, and it has to fit how I think the character’s parents/whoever named them would have chosen names. Take, for instance, the two main characters in my current original WIP, Augie and Riss. I started from “I like the feel of Riss as a name”, and worked from there. They’re siblings, and their full names are August and Clarissa. So, clearly, their mom, the parent they share, liked somewhat unusual but not too weird names with a semi-aristocratic feel. August shortens his name down to Augie, because I think he feels the full name is too big for him, and likes something more approachable/almost a little cutesy. Clarissa is a very frilly, feminine name in feel, in my opinion, and I don’t think Riss likes that at all, it doesn’t suit her, so she goes for the one-syllable, consonant-heavy nickname.

23. Do your prefer reading series or standalone novels and does that reflect on how you write?

These days, I like standalones. A series is more investment than I’m willing to put in, unless it’s really very good, or I have prior emotional investment. And I don’t tend to write with a view towards making anything a series. Most of my ideas/current WIPs are standaones too.

24. Do you let your story evolve as you write or do you meticulously plan everything prior to writing the first draft?

Usually, I start with a very vague idea, and let it evolve from there. At best, I have an idea of where to start and end, and a couple of story beats I need to hit on the way/scenes I need to work in. I’m very much a pantser.

25. Do you start your novels with dialogue or description? Do you end your novels with dialogue or description?

I like to start with description, set the scene a bit. And end with dialogue, it’s nice and punchy.

26. What do you feel like you need to work on as a growing writer? How can you improve?

I need to improve on making things longer and more detailed, and sticking with one project. I need to work on setting reasonable goals in order to do this, and spending more time and energy on each scene, rather than getting bored when I can’t get to the fun plot points instantly.

27. Do you have playlists for your wip? What are some of the songs in it?

I’m still working on the playlist for my current WIP, but some songs in it would be “Rattling Bones” by Kasey Chambers, “Katy” by Missy Higgins, and “Cats in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin.

28 Do you need background noise to write? If so, what do you listen to?

I absolutely do! I listen to random videos on YouTube that are heavy on talking, or podcasts, or playlists on Spotify.

29. How do you share your writing? Do you use any writing websites and, if so, share your profiles!

I have my AO3, but otherwise, I don’t tend to share a lot of my original work.

30. What is some of the best writing advice you’ve read or received? Why does it work for you?

Set a target for how many words you want to write each day, then half it. That’s your new target. I can’t remember where it came from, but it works for me because I tend to set targets that are too ambitious, and then stress out because they seem unachievable, and end up doing nothing.

#laetan #writing asks #wip tag

1 note · View note

peachdoxie · 5 years

Note

Saw your dragon prince ask the other day and it got me wondering. Do you think binge-watching culture (via streaming, e.g. Netflix) has changed the way people get emotionally invested in TV series?

My gut answer was to say yes.

HOWEVER

The issue with an answer of “yes, binge watching has changed emotional investment” is that the rise of streaming does not exist in a vacuum. It coincides with a lot of other things that makes isolating any specific thing as the “cause” of a given change literally impossible and incredibly reductive to do.

Please know that I am NOT a historian of television, so there are certain points where I have to speculate and generalize. I'm basing this answer on my knowledge of the film industry and the general principle that technology, media, and culture all exist in a symbiotic relationship and change in one has an impact on the other two.

Also, when I talk about “accessibility” I am not using it in the context of disability, but instead in the context of large populations, ie, not the elites who can afford anything. While changes in disabled accessibility do impact technology and media developments, it's not part of this response and I'm not the right person to talk about it.

It is true that online streaming has radically changed how accessible media is for basically everyone. It's cheaper and easier, in general, to watch TV shows and movies. People are no longer restricted to watching stuff just in a theater or when it's on the TV, but can access it anywhere they have an internet connection. Watching whatever media is no longer strained by either schedule or physical location. It is far easier than literally any other time in history to binge TV shows.

However, the ability to binge watch and the bingeability of TV shows has not always been possible, and the two have evolved together. TV shows of the distant past, recent past, and present often follow a non-continuous storyline from episode to episode so that it's easier to watch any random episode and understand generally what's going on without having to have watched every single episode. Hence the “monster of the week” narrative form, and why there are discussions about Steven Universe filler episodes vs seasonal narrative arc episodes. It's also why, if you get an episode starting with the “previously on” prologue, you know shit's about to go down. It's mostly so that the casual viewer to pick the show up on reruns instead of the fan who knows the release schedule and watches every episode when it premieres, though their impact is important too. I know that TV viewership numbers on premieres are really important in the television industry and have an impact on what gets made and what doesn't and what kind of ads are shown and on and on.

Again, I'm not a TV historian, so I can't give you exact specifics, and it's important to know that changes in media follow trends, not linear cause-and-effect lines. What I'm giving is a generalization of these trends as I know of them, but there's a lot of overlap in how industries change over time and none of it happens at once. Keep this in mind when reading what I say next.

The addition of season/series narratives to TV is related to changes in technology and accessibility. As TV units became cheaper to buy, more people bought them, which meant more development into their technology by the industry. And as TV became easier to produce and distribute, production companies had to come up with new ways to draw in audiences. All of these things and a thousand other factors in technology, media, and culture changed how people watched TV and thus changed how it was made. This is likely part of the reason why seasonal/series narrative arcs in TV developed and became popular. Granted, people have been sluts for long media sagas since like, ever, so that's relevant as well. Producers know that's popular, so they start making it, it's kind of a chicken and egg thing.

The thing is, though, is that the growth of large-scale streaming sites didn't just suddenly cause the rise in binge watching. While I don't think it was called “binge watching” until very recently, I'd argue that people have been able to binge things before the rise of streaming sites. In my experience, it used to be a “marathon” of TV watching. Home entertainment has existed for decades in the forms of DVD and VHS and various other formats before streaming became popular. TV channels had and still have lengthy marathons of shows in chronological order for people to watch, and that's been around for a long time. And while I know very little about the specifics of underground fandom distribution networks, I do know that pirating and sharing has always been a concern for official distributors. If there were underground fanfiction networks sharing fics on thumbdrives and on obscure websites, which I do know existed, certainly similar networks existed for pirated TV shows. And online streaming existed for a while before it became really popular.

So it's not like people haven't been able to “binge” TV before the rise of online streaming. For a while now, it's been possible to binge watch TV shows. It's just way easier now. This is where I do know a little bit more about the television industry because online streaming is something discussed in depth in my Master's program because the same things that Netflix, etc, are doing with TV they're doing with film, and I've also lived through these changes and experienced them personally. I'm going to talk mostly about Netflix because they're the most well-known and prolific online streaming service at the moment, and they've also been around since the 90s, but most of this applies to all streaming services as well.

Netflix began as an online rental company for DVDs in the late 90s, following a similar model to Blockbuster and the fledgling Amazon, but only online and only for DVDs, which were a very new technology. Over time, they acquired more and more content and grew in usership. The company has been pretty aggressive at staying at the top of collection and technology, and so when streaming began to come into popularity, largely because of YouTube, they followed that route quickly. And because Netflix is always looking for new business opportunities to grow their popularity, the company also moved into the distribution sector of entertainment. Instead of just being based in home entertainment, they began becoming the primary distributors of certain titles.

A bit of background: I don't know exactly how the TV industry works when it comes to distribution, but I do know well how the movie industry works in that respect, and I am guessing that there are a lot of similarities between the two. The lifetime of a movie roughly follows the pattern of Production -> Acquisition -> Theatrical Exhibition -> Home Entertainment Exhibition. Distribution companies are the liaisons between the production companies and theatrical exhibition companies, with “acquisition” being the step where distribution companies fight over who gets to purchase the rights to distribute the film in theaters. Home entertainment mostly refers to physical copies of the film in the form of DVD, Blu-ray, and Video on Demand, though it also can sometimes include online streaming if a movie is added to an online streaming service at some point after its theatrical exhibition window is over. (Terminology is shifting a lot in the chaos of the film industry because of companies like Netflix, so definitions are muddled a lot.) It's likely that TV is very similar, except that instead of a theatrical distribution, it has a television distribution instead.

Netflix becoming the primary distributor of TV shows is where the single biggest change happened in relation to the question of “Do you think binge-watching culture has changed the way people get emotionally invested in TV series?” because it impacted how production companies made TV shows. As streaming grew more popular, production companies made distribution deals with Netflix so that original content would be distributed solely through Netflix. And this is where all of my background information and blathering about technology, media, and culture being interrelated comes into play. Making shows whose original mode of exhibition is online, on-demand streaming means that it no longer needs to be understandable from anyone who random turns it on, because it's only going to be watched in chronological order. It is designed to be binge watched, which changes the way the narrative flows. Shows that are designed for streaming tend to have very tight narratives without a lot of filler. The narratives can and do focus more on in-depth character building, world building, conflict, all that type of stuff that's downplayed in TV shows designed for reruns on an actual television channel.

In truth, shows made for streaming are actually designed to maximize emotional investment because it keeps people watching. In the age of the internet, there's so much content for people to choose between that getting and keeping someone's attention has to involve their investment somehow. And creating emotional investment is one of the easiest ways to do that.

It is extremely difficult to give a yes or no answer to the question at hand because identifying cause and effect is nearly if not completely impossible. Has there been a change in how people get emotionally invested in TV series? That, I believe, is true. Is binge watching culture the catalyst for that change? That's much more difficult to say. I'd almost go so far as to argue that high emotional investment is an intrinsic part of binge watching culture, but the truth is that I'm not knowledgeable enough to defend that statement entirely. And did binge watching culture come from changes in emotional investment that the industry reacted to, or did the industry notice emerging trends and adjust their shows accordingly? It's highly likely, actually, that it's both working alongside each other, and alongside a bunch of other factors as well.

Now, there are a few other things that I need to add to this answer to address the entire situation. I discussed mostly shows that are designed for online streaming and therefore binge watching. I don't know for sure how emotional investment would be different watching a show like The Office, for example, live/on reruns vs in a binge session. Obviously, there's a degree of emotional investment in any given TV show shown on a TV channel. Why else would people keep choosing to watch the same show, out of all the options being played at the same time and out of all the possible things to be doing? Emotional investment works alongside curiosity, but humans are also creatures of habit. That likely plays some role as well. But how that differs when someone's binging it instead of watching weekly or on reruns? Or how habits of binging Netflix originals impact how we watch non-streaming-designed shows? I don't know for sure. I think to answer those questions would involve a far larger evaluation of people's viewing preferences than I'm capable of. Someone may have done it. It's quite possible that relevant data exists and just needs to be compiled. Granted, the people who have that data are production and distribution companies, and they are notoriously bad at sharing that data with anyone who's not in the need-to-know.

It also depends on what type of TV show is being watched. Rachael Ray's cooking show is very different from NCIS which is very different from Teen Mom in terms of viewership populations and viewership patterns, just like the Dragon Prince is very different from Daredevil which is very different from the Ted Bundy Tapes. It's not a one-size-fits-all situation, and the things that draw people to different shows are going to be for different reasons.

And, of course, there's the impact of social media to consider. While fandoms - or, at the very least, groups of people devoted to a piece of media - have existed for millennia, the internet and massive social media sites have made it so much easier to connect with other fans of content, which certainly impacts the level of emotional investment when you're able to build up the hype with other people instead of by yourself. The rise of streaming has been fairly contiguous with the rise of massive social media websites because of the technological developments that enabled them to exist. It's likely that there's a large overlap between people who use social media a lot and people who stream things a lot. I think it's impossible to ignore the role that social media plays in encouraging people to stream a show on Netflix because of fandom culture. And also because of marketing on social media. We can't ignore the impact that marketing plays, which again is days that production and distribution companies have but won't release outside of their company.

I hope this has answered your question, anon, or at least given you an insight to how complicated studying the entertainment industry is.

Sources: I didn't actually do any research on this topic, but instead pulled from things I've learned in my undergraduate and graduate studies, as well as things learned personal experience. Specifically, from an anthropology class on the entertainment industry where I wrote a research paper on YouTube and its effects on franchised movie trailers; my three-class film history sequence; various topics from media theory; several presentations I've heard at conferences regarding the history of television; a course on the intersection between art, media, and technology; every class I've taken in my Master's program, which is about film distribution and marketing; articles and comments I've read on Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit, Wikipedia, and news sources that talk about media history; and lots and lots of practice in making connections between culture, media, and technology.

#anyway this is a way longer response than i intended #long post #anecdotes by peachdoxie #i feel relevant by answering this #Anonymous

18 notes · View notes

thatyanderecritic · 5 years

Text

Yandere Simulator

Title: Yandere Simulator

Media: Game, created by Yandere Dev

Yandere(s): Yandere-Chan (Ayano Aishi)/ Yandere-Kun

Yandere Scale: 0/5

Criticism written by: Kai

Editor: Julie

The Review:

(Warning! This is one of our most highly opinionated critic piece on our blog so far. Be wary and come to your own judgement in the end. m(_ _)m )

It was only a matter of time till we finally reviewed Yandere Simulator… With both the game and the main protagonist sharing the name “Yandere”, it made sense for the Yandere Critics to swoop in and see if this game truly lives up to its name (spoiler alert: it doesn’t). What horrors will our two critics discover in their pursuit of the truth?

This time on ThatYandereCritic…

Hello everyone, Kai here! It’s no secret that Julie and I absolutely hate Yandere Simulator and how the Yandere Dev is handling everything (from how he’s creating this game to the sort of person he is). We would state time and time again how we think that Yandere Simulator is pretty much hot garbage and is a bad representation of yanderes in general. Good concept but awful in execution. Now it is time to give a proper critic to the game that’s became the “face” of our community.

I would like to clarify that we’ll only be looking at the story and the main character (Yandere-Chan/Yandere-Kun). We will not be discussing about the Yandere Dev and his drama. If you want that, there’s plenty of “Yandere Dev rants” videos on youtube that goes in depth about the things he done and currently doing. If you’re curious, I recommend watching this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY-aqqCFjnc With this being said, now for the proper review!

Let’s kick things off by talking about the story… The game starts with our protagonist, Yandere-Chan, accidentally running into her Senpai on her way to school. It was love at first sight when she first saw him. But Yandere-Chan soon found out that a girl named Osana plans to confess to Senpai under the school’s cherry blossom tree. This is like, totally bad! Everyone knows that confessions under that specific cherry blossom tree is guaranteed to be accepted! It was at this moment, Yandere-Chan knew what she needed to do… she must eliminate everything that stands between her and her Senpai.

First, can I just start off by saying how laughably lazy this story is? It’s one thing if this game was just some sort of parody or comedy. A game that is self aware that it’s just a joke and nothing more. But with how much the Yandere Dev hypes about the story and give it a “deep lore”, we can’t give the excuse: “It’s not that deep. It’s just a joke.” No. This game doesn’t have that shield anymore. The story is half assed and it can’t give a well developed yandere character a proper chance to shine. But… let’s ignore the story for now. We have seen examples of an awful story but a fantastic yandere (Example: Joe from the TV show, You). Let’s look at Yandere-Chan.

Thanks to Yandere Dev’s channel, we got a plethora of lore and background about the characters from the game. The office website is also a gold mine of information that we can analyze as well. So… thank god that Yandere Dev is more invested in those two things than his game. Can you imagine if we had to actually play his buggy game to get this information? Lol.

Let’s get on the same page here about Yandere-Chan’s backstory: Yandere-Chan had an odd childhood. Throughout her childhood, she was inflicted with an incurable condition that made her have no emotions. Growing up, she was bullied at school (because she couldn’t feel I guess). But Yandere-Chan learned how to fake having emotions and live the easy life. Oddly enough, Yandere-Chan’s mom had the same condition as well when she was growing up. Yandere mom reassured Yandere-Chan that “When she finds that special boy, [she’ll] be able to feel.” But Yandere-Chan’s dad went “Nah, bitch. I’ll make Yandere-Chan have feelings.” Of course, that didn’t work. In the end, Yandere-Chan lived her life as an empty shell till she finally met Senpai. Yada yada yada…. Start of the game.

So… what the fuck?

This is the literal definition of a psychopath, dude. Why are we skirting around what Yandere-Chan has?! “Incurable condition” my ass. It’s psychopathy (maybe sociopathy but the evidence leans more towards psychopathy). Next, in the video, why would a general practitioner know that Yandere-Chan is a psychopath?! At most, the doctor would notice something is odd about her before recommending a child psychiatrist to examine Yandere-Chan. Mr. Yandere Dev, you make it sound like Yandere-Chan has a cold; not a mental illness. It was also mention in the video that Yandere-Chan felt pity for her father who was struggling with her mental illness. If she can’t feel any emotions, as you said, then please explain how she felt pity for her father? Can I also point out that Yandere-Chan started faking her emotions for her father’s sake AND THEN started getting bullied because she wasn’t normal. But wait a minute… Yandere-Chan learned how to fake emotions because of the bullying. So how does this logic work? Did she take two steps forward but ten steps back? Why did we have the whole doctor fiasco if Yandere Mom already knew all this about her daughter? WHY DOES YANDERE-CHAN’S BACKSTORY HAVE MORE HOLES THAN A SLICE OF SWISS CHEESE?!

Kai.exe stopped working… now resetting program… reset is now complete

Phew… sorry about that everyone. I was going insane after going through a bunch of videos by the Yandere Dev and the Yandere Simulator website.

For a character called Yandere-Chan, she’s more like Psychopath-Chan. Like geez. If it isn’t obvious, everything about this character screams “psychopath”. Sure, she is portrayed to have “lovesickness” but Yandere-Chan breaks so many rules that her “lovesickness” can’t save her.

A couple of rules she broken:

1. The yandere shouldn’t go on a random killing spree as if she’s/he’s in an all you can eat buffet. Bottomline, a serial killer isn’t a yandere but a yandere could be a serial killer.

2. Shallow background, shallow person. Why were you even created man?

3. Instalove is a pretty cheap cop out for a female yandere to start liking someone. We noticed that sometimes they would fall in love for shallow reasons like: “Kyaa, he passed me the salt shaker, I think I’m in love!” This logic makes me cringe, honestly.

“But, Kai! This game is all about killing the rivals! It isn’t fair to Yandere-Chan to tick her off on that!”

Um… there are many different ways a yandere can get rid of a rival without killing them. Mr. Yandere Dev even suggested a mechanic where the player can hook up love rivals with other NPCs. Yet the core “tactic” Yandere-Chan (and the player) would chose would be to kill the rivals. Not only that, it’s also encouraged to go on a killing spree for extra points for Info-Chan and the Yakuza (not yet implemented). So… this absolutely is a tick against her.

Moving on! I also find it incredibly hard to even call Yandere-Chan a proper “yandere” considering her creator doesn’t even know what a yandere is. On Yandere Dev's website, he defines a yandere as: “A Yandere girl is a girl who loves a boy so much that she is willing to threaten, harm, or kill any other girl who seems interested in him.”

Uh… W.H.A.T.

That’s literally the definition he puts on his website, people. And don’t even get me started on the definition he uses during videos (“A yandere is a person who is crazy for someone else”). Okay, let’s give Yandere Dev the benefit of the doubt and say: “He sort of right… if you squint hard enough”. But if we refer back to our Yandere Actions post, just using the “yandere snap” doesn’t make Yandere-Chan a yandere. In the end, Yandere-Chan is nothing more but a psychopath.

To those who are reading this: As individuals who are part of the yandere community, I am appealing to you right now. We may disagree on a lot of things. We may disagree on what is and isn’t a yandere. We may disagree on some characteristics of what makes a yandere. But I hope to agree with everyone that “Yandere Simulator” is not the thing we want to define our community.

I’ve heard people compare Yandere-Chan as the “New Yuno Gasai”. I’ve heard people call Yandere-Chan as “the perfect example of a yandere” or “the ideal yandere”. I’ve heard many misinformed comments about yanderes thanks to this game. It may have brought to light our community but this is a double edge sword. It’s one thing if there’s only a couple misinformed users out there. It’s expected and no offense to them. But what’s troubling is the popularity of this misinformed game and the spreading through popular youtubers (again, no offense to them since they don’t know). This game is basically our face to those outside of the community. I talked to several people who are quick to judge me as “one of those perverts” thanks to this game’s reputation (water off my back). You can still like the game or the characters. I know Yandere-Chan generates lots of yandere aesthetics and the fandom has done way better with her than her own creator. But can we all agree to denounce this game as a “yandere icon”. Use it as a conversation starter and use it to point out myths about yanderes… but don’t let this define us. I believe we’re better than that… we’re all better than that. “Romance turned Horror” and “Horror turned Romance” lovers… Aesthetic yanderes, Yandere Recommendations, and Yandere Analysis blogs… We’re all in this together. Let’s shake on this, friends.

Overall score: 0/10

(Post-edit: I forgot to mention Yandere-Kun; there is a bit of a difference between him and Yandere-Chan. He is the genderbend version for Yandere-Chan (for those who want to play as a guy) but Yandere Dev stated that Yandere-Kun’s reasoning for chasing Senpai is purely sadistic. So, regardless how you paint things, Yandere-Kun is just as psychopathic as his female counterpart)

#yandere simulator #yandere-chan #yandere-kun #yandere #male yandere #review #opinion #Yandere-chan? More like Psychopath-chan #yan sim #yandere sim #indie game

64 notes · View notes

hopevalley · 5 years

Text

S6E3: The Queen of Hearts (Episode Write-Up)

You can also read this on my website here.

Can you believe the next episode has come and gone already? Time sure flies. I’m typing this up from work, so please pardon me if you find any mistakes/errors/etc. I’ll try and proofread it as well as I can and add the pictures in when I get home, but…well, you know, time is money.

(Though I guess…if I’m typing this at work…it could be said that I’m being paid for my time…)

Last episode was pretty low-key: a nice entrance into the new season. This episode ramped things up a bit; there are quite a few threads of drama starting up already, and, well, we’ve only just begun.

So without further ado, let’s jump into it!

The Pedals on the Bike Go Round ‘n Round

Bill and Fiona vs. Lucas

Investing 101 ft. Henry

Carson ‘Foot in Mouth’ Shepherd

Clara Stanton Takes a Stand

Sorry in advance; I barely proofread this. :’)

Plot #1: The Pedals on the Bike Go Round ‘n Round

Elizabeth was kind of just…around in this episode. She didn’t do a whole lot and didn’t have too much to say. She did, however, get a plot. Kind of a weak one.

More or less the plot boiled down to “Elizabeth teaches Timmy how to ride a bike.” You may have forgotten who Timmy is, and if so, he’s Wilma’s son. Wilma, Kurt, and Timmy came in for the Christmas film in S4E1: When Calls the Heart Christmas.

On the positive side, the plot was fairly well-acted. I probably couldn’t pretend to need help riding a bicycle if my life depended on it, but you’ll notice in all the scenes where Timmy is ‘learning,’ his front tire/handlebars get kind of jittery—enough that it made me feel a little uncomfortable just watching! He did a great job with that.

Elizabeth did nicely enough plunking away at the piano pretending she was bad at it to try and help Timmy learn that learning is a process. There’s always someone out there who is better than you at something, but 1) that doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to do it, too, and 2) it’s okay to mess up, because that’s part of the process of learning!

Overall, a cute plot. I didn’t mind that it stayed in the background and wasn’t exactly center stage.

That said, I think I could have really gone for something a little less shallow? At the very least, it might have been nice to see Elizabeth ask Robert or Cody to borrow the bike at lunchtime. (I’m under the impression that they belong to them, and not the school.) Instead of Timmy having fallen on a random (?) bike and scraping up his knee, how about something with a little more substance?

Maybe his parents scraped up their hard-earned money to buy him a bike for his birthday because he’d been admiring Cody’s, but when he tried riding it in town, he faceplanted into a horse trough—something legitimately embarrassing! A few grown-ups laughed at the spectacle (even as they helped him up and made sure he was okay), making him afraid to fall in front of others again. But he really wants to learn because his parents worked hard to buy the bike for him…and they can’t teach him because they don’t know how to ride.

A short lesson on balance, and why it’s impossible to stay upright at a standstill (but very easy to stay upright in motion) could have been really fun, too.

And I think it might have been nice to see a few of the kids encouraging Timmy, or at least speaking with him about this. “Nobody’s watching” my foot! They’d definitely be paying attention, if only out of the corner of their eyes. Opal could say she’s too afraid to try, but if Timmy could learn maybe she wouldn’t be so afraid to learn, herself (something that could encourage Timmy to want to learn more); Cody and Robert could offer to help Timmy but their methods, while well-meaning, are a little too harsh. (Maybe they could be the reason Timmy fell into the trough.)

I wouldn’t have even minded someone fashioning Timmy some training wheels to try out! Maybe his internal balance isn’t very good and he could use the assist until he feels more comfortable (and then later in the season, in a couple of episodes, he could get the hang of it and it’d be super sweet). Then the moral of this story could be more about the process of learning and how learning new things takes time and effort (for some people different things take longer than others), and it’s okay if Cody learned in five seconds but it takes Timmy a few weeks to really get comfortable.

Still, I like what we got. Timmy hasn’t had much of a role in the series in the last couple of seasons, so it was nifty to see him getting something! And of course, Elizabeth got to help without it being too over-the-top, which I can really appreciate.

Plot #2: Bill and Fiona vs. Lucas

Overall, this plot wasn’t bad. I enjoyed Fiona and Lucas. There seems to be some tension between the two of them; there should be a pretty serious reason for this. The story flow doesn’t feel very natural without reasoning in place. Unfortunately this isn’t something I can talk at length about; it’s a wait-and-see sort of situation. It’s possible it’ll get addressed later, especially if Fiona is intended to stick around for most/all of the season.

But to explain what I mean about story flow and reasoning, though, it just doesn’t make sense to me that Fiona would care enough about this town to rat out Lucas to Bill—another complete stranger to her. Sure, Bill is the law, but it feels like there’s just a tiny bit of something missing between their meeting and Fiona immediately going to Bill about Lucas.

Now, it’s totally possible the writers weren’t going for anything deep. Maybe what we see is really what we’re getting: she’s a bit of a gossip à overhears that Bill is concerned à Bill is the law à then she overhears Lucas and thinks Bill’s root worry is legitimate and does The Right Thing (which is report her findings to him).

Bill might find the arrangement satisfactory for now, but it means nothing he says on the phone is private. I really appreciated that Bill brought this up in a very straightforward manner, e.g., “Doesn’t your company have a policy against that?” It still leaves it open for future issues, though.

Fiona’s gossipy tendencies don’t bother me at all. I think they make her a better character than some we’ve had; she’s not 100% wholesome and pure. I dig that. Right now I’m just wondering what about Lucas bothers her so much. Maybe she doesn’t like how smooth he is. Can’t say I blame her.

Lucas himself is a fun character. He’s suave as heck, he can laugh at himself, but he’s vaguely suspicious. Overall, I’d say he’s a smooth operator, a smart schemer. I really enjoyed his conversation with Elizabeth, but the one with Rosemary was awkward in…kind of a good way. I’m fine with getting characters who don’t say what they mean or even lie (without it obviously being a lie).

And so far, my favorite thing about Lucas is how he comes across to the various townfolk.

Some people really like him, think he’s sooo nice for doing these kind things…but then you have the people who are put off by his attempts at kindness. I can see both sides of it, and I know which side I’d be on! He seems like he might end up being a fairly complex character, which I’m really hoping for. Some people might view what he’s doing as a general kindness/attempt to look good right off the bat, but others feel he’s trying to buy affection/a good name; if things get bad, people will say he’s good and they trust him because he’s more or less paid them to feel that way. It’s got a lot of room for good stuff!

(I’m not sure how I feel about the saloon name change, but I think it’s weird that people don’t really care about it? That said, I’ve noticed they all call it “the saloon” so a name change doesn’t really matter. Meanwhile, Abigail’s Café is often referred to both by just “Abigail’s” and as “Abigail’s Café” so the distinction might matter a lot.)

Now...we’ve gotta talk about Bill.

I’m sure nobody really wants to hear more about how much I hate the way he’s been written lately, but just for the heck of it, I’ll dive in for a few paragraphs. My stance is thus: Bill is severely out of character and has been getting worse for the last two seasons. The things he does are cringey and out of character. I’m not sure if we’re supposed to laugh at him or wince at the things he says and does, but if this is intentional, I’m hoping they address it soon.

The most likely bit of reasoning might be the same reason Henry dove into the stock market: he’s restless, bored, feels useless, doesn’t know what to do with that energy. In Bill’s case that energy just comes out in these unconstructive ways: everyone is suspicious until proven otherwise. The judgeship plotline could take care of this, but obviously I don’t know that it will. It’s just a consideration/possibility.

The problem is, they started getting wobbly with Frank’s character in S4, too, with him snooping around on Carson. They’re more or less doing the same exact thing to Bill right now for no reason, so…it honestly seems like they just don’t know how to write him, and I don’t know how they can be at such a loss when they have 4 good seasons of Bill to look back on for character tidbits and plot ideas.

But seeing Bill devolve from a sharp investigator to little more than a joke in the last few episodes? It really grinds my gears. I can’t even enjoy the bits that are supposed to be funny, like when he told Lucas he’d pay for his own drink and then took his money back the second Lucas’s back was turned and let the bartender put it on the house. It’s not funny because that’s not something that Bill of S1 through S4 would even do. When someone refused to tip Abigail more than a few cents, Bill put his own money on the table to ensure she was tipped (five bucks, by the way!). He’s not stingy, he’s not stupid. He chased the same case for literal years of his life and did so quietly, so he’s also very patient. He wouldn’t have called that woman directly, he’d have contacted someone he knew to trace the location of the phone and the name of the household being billed for it. He has the know-how and the power, and he’d use the best way to get his information that he had available that wouldn’t also give him away.

I don’t know why they chose to do this with his character, but I definitely disagree with it.

That said, he has a reasonable enough reason to be suspicious of the man. After all, he’s seen everything. I’m just worried the narrative won’t be sympathetic toward him at all, and in the very end he’ll be wrong about everything and end up in an even worse place than where he started.

Plot #3: Investing 101, ft. Henry

Shockingly, I don’t have too much to say about this plot. It was nice. Henry has a hobby that feels exactly like the kind of thing Henry would do, so props there. I also quite enjoyed seeing Lee stick up for Henry more, and Abigail reluctantly coming around to the idea of investment being a little different than gambling (but honestly not by much).

Even though my stance on Henry and Abigail as a potential romantic end-game is a giant thumbs-down, I could really appreciate the whole plot. Henry lies, but it’s because he feels partially responsible for Abigail’s lost money.

Earlier this year I predicted that maybe he’d lose her money, but I didn’t think he’d lie about it and tell her she’d doubled it. That’s…a bit much. I want to say that that doesn’t sound much like Henry (I could see him giving back the original amount and saying he pulled it before it could go down), but at this point it’s fair to say he’d go a bit overboard because he doesn’t want Abigail to lose faith in him.

After all, he knows she’s the reason he got a second chance at all, and he definitely didn’t deserve that kindness from her; the last thing Henry wants to do right now is make her regret it. It’s a little sad but perfectly believable. It was nice of Abigail to straighten things out the way she did; she was very straightforward about it.

So hey, the air is cleared and we’ve learned that investing is a form of gambling, but not exactly the same thing? Huh.

Plot #4: Carson “Foot in Mouth” Shepherd

This plotline wasn’t deep enough that I feel the need to comment heavily on it, but I can appreciate a few small things about it.

First, it was really awesome that Carson went to Lee with his problem.

Sometimes I feel like this series does a pretty bad job of matching up conversationalists: people go to whoever the plot deems the best person to go to, and usually that person is part of the “main” cast and hasn’t had enough lines in the episode yet, so they get the part. Due to this, at times it feels like roles are just being filled by whatever actor is free to fill the spot. So it was nice to see this happen because Lee was definitely appropriate person to go to for this conversation. 1) He knew about Rosemary’s plan, 2) he seemed exasperated by Rosemary’s plan, and 3) he’s married currently so he understands and might be sympathetic to Carson’s little problem of, you know, putting his foot in his mouth.

One thing I wanted to see addressed that didn’t get addressed (because this show has people “fix” problems with weird dialogue choices) was the reason Carson said what he did. He probably said it because he didn’t want to put any pressure on Faith, or on himself. As he said later, they work together; it’s not a good idea to even consider it.

Now, I personally haven’t felt any real chemistry between these characters, like…at all, so I’m not really on #teaminfirmary, but I do think they show some promise. Right now my biggest criticism has been the lack of chemistry. For me, the doctor/nurse trope just doesn’t do it, not on its own. After Carson’s quick attraction to Sofia, I guess I was kinda wanting to see something spark between them!

But I liked Faith being the one who felt awkward after Carson put his foot in his mouth, and then she kind of took it out on him by being short and snippy. That feels pretty in-character for her to do.

I’m looking forward to seeing what they do with them in the future, though. Like I said, there’s potential there!

Plot #5: Clara Stanton Takes a Stand

Another small plot, but I like the drama baked into this one. Jesse’s always had some self-esteem issues, so it was pretty cool to see that coming back. He has a bad past, he just does okay for himself (not super well), he’s not smart or well educated. You know he thinks Clara’s just about too good for him… I mean, he wasn’t always that way; before she agreed to court him he acted pretty cocky. But he was probably acting that way because he didn’t think she’d really go for it. And then she said yes and he was like, “NOW WHAT?”

I don’t like that he tried to tell her what to do (and I’d argue the dialogue choice there could be a lot better), but it felt vaguely in character. I think I wish they’d gone more the “I should be providing for you” route. And the “you work hard enough” route. They skirted around those a little bit, but if they’d landed on them a little harder I think it’d be easier to swallow. But it was still kind of understandable. He already has issues with feeling like he’s good enough and this makes him feel that she thinks he can’t do it by himself.

I was hoping for a dialogue between them eventually about this (not Clara working two jobs, but Clara working at all after they’re married), but I think what they settled on is going to work really well, and hopefully open up the two of them to talk about their feelings a little more deeply—especially Jesse being more vulnerable with regards to his low self-esteem.

My favorite part was definitely Clara taking the job anyway and Jesse trying to kind of accept it, but we all know that’s not gonna work out. ;P I’m really looking forward to seeing what they do for these characters over the course of the season!

Overall? Another reasonably fun episode. I’m having a lot of fun with the new characters; I just hope they don’t throw Bill under the bus for the duration of the season. He’s got the potential to be one of the best characters on the show if they’d just take the time to give him decent storylines. But hey, maybe the good stuff is all coming soon for him. :)

#when calls the heart #Season 6 Spoilers #season 6 shenanigans

4 notes · View notes

nerdierholler · 5 years

Text

My Thoughts on Anthem

So, I know there’s tons of stuff on how the Anthem demo went, or didn’t as case may be. I feel like the issues (and there were issues, no mistake) are all that’s getting talked about so I’d like to throw out my instance of not really having any problems. Of course, your mileage may vary if you try the demo next weekend but it wasn’t all crashes and load screens for me at least.

Some Caveats/Background

I’ve never played a looter shooter before so I have nothing to compare the game play to on that front. I’m a single player RPG kinda girl.

I’m on PC.

I only tried out the freeplay. I didn’t attempt any of the missions.

Despite the fact that I’ve clocked a lot of hours (like so many hours) playing games, I’d put my skill level somewhere between casual and average. I’m generally in it for the story and not worried about challenging combat.

I didn’t try to play until late afternoon Saturday (US Eastern) so I missed the early day one connection problems. That isn’t to say those aren’t potential issues to be concerned about, I just didn’t deal with them. I only clocked about 6 hours in the game (stupid having to go to work) and at least 1 hour of that was spent messing with my javelin’s appearance.

Download was problem free, I actually downloaded Friday afternoon with no issues but I’ve got pretty great internet and that could have effected other parts of my experience as far as not running into problems. Booted up the game and was able to immediately connect to the servers and get started.

Tech Issues/Glitches

I got the 95% load screen, only once though, on my first attempt to leave the Fort. I had to close the game through the desktop, then start it again. Entered freeplay with no issues after that.

I had one CTD. I was alone in freeplay trying to figure out the keys for the emotes. No enemies or anything around, just me in a corner of the map. When I restarted the game it asked me if I wanted to rejoin my mission, I said yes, and was back at the launch pad WITH ALL OF MY LOOT. As far as I can tell I got to keep all the items and XP that I’d collected before the crash.

One bad instance of rubberbanding during a solo fight. I ended up dying and the problem didn’t occur again after I respawned and went back to finish the challenge. I also didn’t have to repeat the part of the challenge I’d completed. I picked up where I left off.

Overall Impressions

It was fun. I don’t usually play multiplayer games and other than running around with one other random person for about 15 minutes in freeplay, I was by myself.

I say with no shame that I played on easy. I only died a couple of times, once mentioned above and once as I was rushing around right before they shut down the demo. I also never limited it to a private server (I’m not sure you can for freeplay) so I’m assuming balance was for 4 people, but I don’t actually know if it goes by number of people on the server or number of people at a specific combat area. Either way, I found what I played to be manageable on solo. I suspect solo missions would be more difficult than solo freeplay.

For someone who plays games, and specifically Bioware games for the plot and characters, I didn’t explore much of that mostly because I wanted to make sure I had the basic mechanics for moving and shooting down before trying to play with other people or attempting to solo a mission. I will say that even though they’ve said you influence the world, the few conversations I had with NPCs in the fort were limited to two answer choices which could give your Lancer a personality but don’t expect anything like DA and ME. You’ll be putting the personality into your Lancer, I don’t suspect the game will provide much there. I am hoping the world impact is related to larger choices we might be asked to make that effect more of the world state but who knows. I’m hoping for big differences and not just eggshell, light beige, off-white differences.

As I mentioned, I’m not a super skilled gamer. I’m kind of slow and tactics aren’t intuitive for me. My builds aren’t optimized and I under utilize resources, like I never fired a grenade because I can’t remember what key it is (there’s no tutorial for the demo, just a website with a list of controls or the in game control menu) and evade was mapped to my mouse wheel so I never remembered to use it or bothered to remap it. There’s lots of talk about builds for combos and having primer and detonator abilities like we had in MEA but I didn’t even know combos were a thing until after the demo was done. I just shot everything.

I also struggled with flying. It’s fun and cool but I’m not good at turning and crashed into lots of walls. There’s no penalty, you don’t take damage, so it’s more annoying than anything. I did see a headline that, on the PC front at least, they’ve made adjustments to using the mouse for flying to make it better but it was done after the build they’re using for the demo. I hooked up a controller and I was better at flying but much much worse at shooting because I almost never use a controller.

My general opinion is that if you’re on the fence for Anthem and scared off by the issues this weekend, it might still be worth it to give the demo next weekend a shot. For me at least, I feel like I’ll be able to get the game to my dollar per hour value marker, even if I do much of that solo or don’t become a looter shooter person. And at least what I’ve tried in the demo, playing solo seems do able even if you’re like me and not a great gamer.

I have to work again most of next weekend but I’m going to try to try out the missions, maybe in a group, maybe solo to see how that goes. I also want to spend more time with the other javelins. It could be that the ranger isn’t for me and I’ll find a better fit for my game play style with other of the others. Not that the ranger’s been terrible.

Personal predictions, I’ll play it and enjoy it but probably won’t put as much hours or investment as I have previous Bioware games. I rarely buy games at full price so even if this doesn’t become my next hyper-fixation, I’m ok with splurging in this instance to be able to play at launch. That could change and maybe it does really grab me or I find a core group of people to play with that keep me coming back. My expectation is to enjoy playing a game with a hopefully decent plot and slightly fleshed out characters for at least 50-60 hours.

Anywho, I hope this is helpful for someone looking for an average person perspective on the game and who also didn’t experience a ton of problems. Shoot me questions if you have any.

#life at nerdy holler #anthem

3 notes · View notes

chestcomic5-blog · 5 years

Text

Obtaining the Ideal On-line Dating Internet site for You

The best on the web relationship site for you may possibly not be the best on-line dating services for a person else. It really is all about obtaining the right match for your possess needs. By obtaining the appropriate characteristics in a dating provider, you will be ready to discover the appropriate traits in the individuals you fulfill as you navigate the entire world of on the internet courting. Using the time to take into account a number of diverse attributes of different sites - and which ones are important to you - will make the approach less complicated. Dependability The World wide web has hundreds of organizations each and every working day - and just as several go by the wayside. It is not challenging to commence up an on the web relationship internet site, and acquiring some members from a failing web site can be very easily carried out. But that does not imply the website will be run nicely or has great backing. In fact, lots of websites go under relatively quickly. If stranger chat with random people has a very good monitor file, it truly is simply because they have experienced the time to wonderful tune items and they've actually listened to their consumers. Track record is in fact a excellent indicator of top quality in on the internet courting, so do some homework by studying concept boards and evaluations. Be Distinct On-line dating employed to be so simple - you clicked a couple of keys and browsed by way of some photos, then study a transient profile and exchanged e-mails. That was it. Following a number of cellphone phone calls, you fulfilled and began dating. But with so several web sites to pick from, men and women are obtaining significantly pickier about how they go about the approach. Right after all, with countless numbers of web sites to decide on from, they can manage to take their time and actually slender issues down! If you have a certain sort of individual you are looking for, spot you want to hone in on, or maybe specific passions you want to share, you can locate plenty of web sites that will cater to your particular dating passions. Consider the time to truly think about what you genuinely want out of existence. Do you want to vacation far more? Possibly you would like to join an on the internet dating website with users from around the world so that you can satisfy individuals from other cultures. Or if you would like to satisfy men and women closer to house, be confident to sign up for a demo membership and do a lot of lookups to see how numerous users dwell in your spot. There are dating sites for pet enthusiasts, athletics fanatics and audio lovers and individuals of numerous ethnic backgrounds and nationalities as well as online dating internet sites that cater to specific sexual pursuits, spiritual backgrounds and age teams. If you do a number of on-line queries, you are certain to find a dating site that will fit your distinct pursuits exactly where you can meet up with some fascinating individuals. Putting up Your Picture and Profile Modern relationship web sites usually have a handful of things in common - you can post a profile and at minimum 1 photograph of yourself. They do differ fairly a bit, nevertheless, on how thorough the profiles are and how numerous photos (and what kind!) you can put up. Some profiles are quick and sweet, with fundamental concerns and a transient paragraph or two while other people are detailed character profiles based mostly on long, detailed questionnaires and essays. Make a decision how a lot time you want to make investments and how much you want to reveal about your self in this first stage. The detailed personality checks and other extras can be a fantastic support when you are searching for "the one," so take into account the execs and disadvantages very carefully. Also examine the fantastic print on profile and photograph approvals - some images and profiles go on the internet immediately, whilst other sites get the time to overview each and every a single individually for flavor and appropriateness, delaying them from twenty-four to forty-8 hours. Chat Rooms and Immediate Messaging The vast majority of internet sites these times supply a selection of chat rooms the place you can chat to a group of individuals when you be a part of. This can shorten significantly the time it will take to get to know folks, so be certain to verify into this function. Quick messaging is also a excellent "fifty percent-way" stage between e-mail and cellphone phone calls so that you can have some privacy but have much more immediacy than e-mails. Be confident to check out to see if the chat rooms are monitored for language and content if you want to keep away from foul language or sexual innuendo that may well offend you. Price tag The value of online courting companies varies very a little bit, but will not just go with the ideal value. Evaluate the features cautiously, then determine how long you feel you will be a member (some sites provide a discounted fee for longer memberships). In the stop, it really is not a discount if your on-line dating web site doesn't satisfy your needs.

1 note · View note

zayntoxicateme · 6 years

Link

June 18, 2018

We managed to catch up with the quietly enigmatic singer.

Read "How Do You Explain Zayn?"

Zayn, the one-named man who found himself reborn after leaving One Direction, is now on GQ's cover. In his shoot with Sebastian Mader, Zayn channels Tyler Durden and Leo DiCaprio's Romeo. And the wildly enigmatic singer also let down his guard, briefly, in talking to writer Carrie Battan about his relationship with Gigi Hadid, the self indulgence of being a "star," and his crafty use of the paparazzi for his own devices—a story you can read here (full story is below; the link will take you to the GQ website)

How Do You Explain Zayn?

Carrie Battan

Photographs by

Sebastian Mader

The 25-year-old British singer is deeply, maddeningly, almost trolling-ly enigmatic. And that cultivated mystery—along with his disdain for the standard rules of superstardom—is probably what puts him on the short list for COOLEST HUMAN ALIVE. On a recent Friday night, though, he dropped his guard and spilled his guts.

There are exactly two places in New York on a Friday night where Zayn Malik can smoke Marlboro Lights as liberally and openly as he pleases, unencumbered by gawkers or the city's increasingly draconian anti-smoking laws. The ﬁrst is Zayn Malik's SoHo apartment, where he spends the majority of his time, zoning out, reading books, listening to music, and "partaking in the herb," as he says. The second is the Mary A. Whalen, a 172-foot-long restored-tanker-ship-turned-nonproﬁt-hangout-spot that is docked off the shore of Red Hook, Brooklyn. The ship is closed for business after 6 P.M., but tonight its leader, a hardy blonde ship preservationist named Carolina, has agreed to keep it open late to accommodate us. No crowds, a few plastic chairs, and a gently lilting surface that is basically a giant ashtray.

There is just one problem: The temperature on deck is decreasing rapidly with the setting sun, and Zayn—the 25-year-old former British-boy-band member, current solo pop-ish star, and all-around inscrutable avatar of contemporary celebrity—has arrived with nothing on his person but a lighter, a backpack, and an iPhone. No jacket on his rail-thin five-ten frame—just a pair of charcoal skinny jeans, a distressed Pink Floyd T-shirt, a bright pink beanie that obscures his new ﬂower skull tattoo (or "tah-oo," as Zayn pronounces it). He looks so modernly cool, blending a hip-hop swagger with a punk-rock edge, that he should receive a cut from Urban Outﬁtters every time someone makes a purchase. He is the only man whose Disney-princess-long eyelashes seem to bolster his machismo rather than diminish it. Nobody this dreamy has ever bothered to check the weather to see if he should grab a jacket before leaving the house. Through chattering teeth, he rejects multiple offers of blankets. "It's all good," he insists, burping faintly after taking a swig of his Peroni. "I'm cool."

Still, Carolina avails us of the ship's warmer galley. "I might have a cigarette ﬁrst?" Zayn asks, as though he needs permission, gesturing toward the other side of the ship. Over there is his assistant Taryn, a young woman with French-braided pigtails that make her look more like a high school soccer player than someone designated to manage the everyday logistics of a notoriously slippery superstar's life. She is the custodian of his pack, doling out individual cigarettes to Zayn periodically.

But Carolina assures us Zayn will not have to stay outside to smoke his cigarette. She'll let us smoke belowdecks on the condition that Zayn provide her one of his Marlboros and permission to snap a photograph. She promises she won't post it until after the story runs. "Uh…yeah?" Zayn replies, sounding sincerely surprised that he is the one who has to answer a question that was directed at him.

A steely detachment from life's mundane logistical concerns is part of almost every celebrity's existence, but it is the core of Zayn's being. This character trait has ruinous potential, but it also means he gets to live his life exactly how he pleases. And it means that he doesn't have to express a single word or hint of desire in order for the conditions around him to re-arrange to his liking and comfort. There's a hapless Peter Pan quality to it that makes it tough to hold against him.

We settle around the table in the '70s-style kitchen on the boat. It's 15 degrees warmer down here and private. Zayn instantly appears relieved, his shoulders unclenching and his brow de-furrowing. He stops shivering. He is in a womb-like space, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes, and he seems palpably and unexpectedly happy. "Thanks," he says quietly and earnestly in Carolina's direction as she seals off the door behind us. "Couple of times I tried to quit. But I just like smoking cigs. Simple as that."

There is a major conundrum in Zayn's life, which is that he may be constitutionally incapable of being a star. He tells me so almost immediately. "I don't work well in group situations, with loads of people staring at me. And when you say 'star'…everyone wants you to be this kind of character that owns a room or is overly arrogant or conﬁdent. I'm not that guy," he says. "So I don't want to be a star." Zayn seems to aspire to the soul of Prince, or some cult '90s skate-punk ﬁgure, but is trapped in the trajectory of a Justin Timberlake.

A decade ago, someone like Zayn would not have become the Chosen Member of a band like One Direction. The Chosen Member is the boy-band graduate whose solo career evolves and hurdles into grown-up relevance, ultimately overshadowing the band's legacy. Until recently, you could spot a Chosen Member from a mile away—he was unequivocally the best dancer and the one the most girls wanted to bring home to their parents. But Zayn never ﬁt the mold of a Chosen Member. From the day One Direction formed, on the U.K. show The X Factor in 2010, he was cast as the smoldering background foil to the eager-to-please Harry Styles and Liam Payne. His energy and his dance moves were muted. He presented as the quiet, disillusioned one.

But in the past ﬁve years or so, it has become acceptable—necessary, even—for a young pop star to show some edge. Thanks to the social-media-fueled, ever intensifying quest for authenticity, real or feigned, we no longer expect our most famous musicians to be toothless and virginal robots. Now we demand that they show a certain degree of lustiness, instability, anti-heroism. The Weeknd scored a No. 1 hit with an elaborately coded song about a cocaine binge—and then followed it up with another No. 1 hit, this one explicitly referencing a cocaine binge. Lana Del Rey's entire aesthetic revolves around a kind of narcotized death wish. And Taylor Swift spent her last album desperately trying to persuade us that she really is villainous. Even Disney's babiest-faced of pop princesses, Selena Gomez, is getting mileage out of her demons, playing a Girl, Interrupted–style heroine and rocking a hospital bracelet in a music video. Face tattoos are basically required for entry onto the Billboard Hot 100 these days. Squeaky-clean is no more.

And yet even for the most tortured-seeming of these artists, there is still a ﬁerce expectation that they play the game. Mild drug habits or mental illnesses are perfectly acceptable, so long as someone is willing to write catchy songs about those tendencies and then later gussy them up for arena audiences and gamely ﬁeld jokes from talk-show hosts. Even Justin Bieber, the poster child for our current era of troubled pop stars, is always just one phone call with his pastor away from being able to quiet his demons and pop-and-lock on demand.

Zayn seems like a perfect avatar for this new generation of bruised pop heartthrobs, but he's the only one of his cohorts who can back it up with a sincerely jaded disposition and an unpredictable way of being. He is the only one who is staunchly unwilling to play the game. You will not ﬁnd Zayn cheesing with a random group of famous people for someone's Instagram story at Coachella, nor will you ﬁnd Zayn learning the latest viral dance move with Ellen DeGeneres. When he released his solo debut, Mind of Mine, two years ago, he opted out of touring altogether, surely pissing off a bunch of emotionally and ﬁnancially invested parties. And although he promises to be more public-facing this time around—he insists he will tour—he's still removed from the album-cycle content churn. He says the creators of Atlanta have reached out to him to appear on the show—a dream opportunity for anyone in the music industry at this moment—but persnickety Zayn is still mulling the potential. "If the part's right, I'd be really into it," he says. Even the "behind-the-scenes" video that accompanied his new single fails to actually take anyone "behind the scenes"—it's just the song playing over some B-roll. "I guess the cameraman didn't get too much footage," Zayn says on the boat. "I might have been running away from him a bit."

When I ask him why he failed to show up at the Met Gala a couple days earlier, he almost chokes on his cigarette smoke as he exhales. He went to the Met Gala once, in 2016, and that experience symbolized everything he detests about being a famous person—and the litany of coercion and artiﬁce that someone in his position experiences.

"I did go, but I didn't go there to be like, 'Yo, take me serious,' " he remembers. "I was taking the piss! I went there as my favorite Mortal Kombat character, Jax."

He continues: "The Met Gala is not necessarily anything that I ever knew about or was about. But my [former] stylist…would say to me, 'This is really good for you to do.' And no matter how strong you are mentally, you can always be swayed to do certain things. Now, it's not something I would go to. I'd rather be sitting at my house, doing something productive, than dressing up in really expensive clothes and being photographed on a red carpet.… To do the self-indulgent Look at me, I'm amazing thing on the red carpet, it's not me."

Here Zayn catches himself, probably realizing this might register as a diss of Gigi Hadid, the 23-year-old supermodel he's been in an on-again, off-again relationship with for two years. The supermodel who very much seemed to enjoy dressing up in really expensive clothes and being photographed on the red carpet days earlier.

"I get it, and I understand that people gain enjoyment from it," he says. I ask if he followed along with the coverage from his couch. "No, no," he says, and pauses. "Gi stole the night, though. The stained glass on her dress. Everyone else just put a cross on."

When I ask Zayn if he has any conﬁdants in the industry, he shakes his head vigorously. "No," he says. "I don't ever want to cross wires with other people too much. I just want to see the world through my eyes."

Zayn grew up with three sisters ("I was outnumbered," he says) and is still surrounded by women, ensuring that there's a high level of exasperated but fond maternal energy swirling at all times. Blood relatives and the Hadids—particularly Gigi's mother, Yolanda, who seems to have taken on a Kris Jenner–ian role in his life—make up much of his inner circle today. ("We get on. She's really fucking cool. She's a Capricorn. She's the same star sign as me.") He recently parted ways with his high-proﬁle manager. His best friend is a younger cousin.

"I'm not [in] the mix," he says. "I'm outside the mix."

This kind of stubborn non-participation, of course, is a reaction to the years Zayn spent being in a mix that was not to his liking. When he was a kid, growing up in the northern working-class city of Bradford, singing was just one part of an aimless but all-consuming creative impulse. He never thought he was much of a singer, until one day the choir leader at his performing-arts school praised his voice and suggested that he try out for Britain's premier vocal-competition show. Zayn's mom had to drag him from his bed at 4 A.M. to attend the audition, where he broke from the typical pop fare with a rendition of Mario's "Let Me Love You."

After his X Factor audition, there was an exchange (never aired) in which head judge Simon Cowell probed baby Zayn. " 'You know, with all these online platforms, why haven't you ever put out anything prior to this?' " Zayn remembers Cowell asking him. Zayn seemed the type, after all: a soft-spoken and artistically gifted teen who liked to sing alone in his bedroom and tinkered with rudimentary song-recording equipment. "I didn't necessarily think my stuff would be seen amongst the millions of people who put their stuff online. So I went with X Factor at that age," he says now. Like any ﬁckle teenager, Zayn "just did it for fun, to see what would happen."

The day that Zayn auditioned, he was among many aspiring solo artists rejected by the judges. But ﬁve of the young singers were cobbled together as a boy band in a later segment. Thus was born One Direction and a rabid fandom that British people love to compare to Beatlemania. A craze so ﬁerce and massive that it generated global synchronized ﬂash mobs and fan-ﬁction authors who've reportedly scored six-ﬁgure book deals. In an instant, Zayn was thrust into a star-making boot camp, fast-tracked to an uncontrollable type of notoriety without being given the opportunity to consider alternatives.

It's no secret that Zayn didn't love One Direction's sound or his bandmates. "My vision didn't necessarily always go with what was going on within the band," he says. There was something so earnest, so wholesomely dweeby, about the whole thing. It wasn't cool, and Zayn didn't particularly enjoy being dragged around the world to look like an epic dork during the prime of his youth.

When he split off, in 2015, Zayn ﬁnally got to do all the things he hadn't been able to in One Direction: dye his hair, grow his beard, sing about sex. But he was also introduced to a fresh army of puppeteers trying to guide him, and he felt disoriented, adrift. The only way to ground himself was to resist the pull of anyone's expectations and answer only to Zayn. He'd spent ﬁve years taking direction and had become allergic to it.

There are plenty of clichéd expressions about how toxic and stiﬂing freedom can be, and Zayn experienced many of them when he went solo. "I didn't really, like, make any friends from the band. I just didn't do it. It's not something that I'm afraid to say. I deﬁnitely have issues trusting people," he says. When he was living in Los Angeles, aimless, he fell in with a crowd of industry people: "Producers, musicians, tailors, stylists, managers. Them kind of things," he says. "It got too crazy. I just got too much into the party scene. Just going out all the time. And I was too distracted." So he left L.A. permanently and moved to New York earlier this year as a way to bring himself back down to earth.

Running a bit further, he recently bought a farm in rural Pennsylvania on the advice of Yolanda Hadid, who also has a farm there. The farm? "Cool." The state of Pennsylvania? "Cool." If you haven't picked up on it for yourself yet, Zayn loves the word "cool"; he loves it so much that he uses it more than 43 times over the course of our conversation. And now that Zayn likes to go to his farm and visit the Hadids, he and Gigi even have a horse together, named Cool. He's just getting things going on the farm, but already there are crops of cherries, tomatoes, and cucumbers. He likes to ride his ATVs. Sometimes he and Gigi will go at the same time, and she'll ride a horse, like Cool, while he watches.

Zayn has a habit of speaking in a conditioned state of detachment, responding in friendly but anodyne one-liners. Still, even someone who willfully projects this kind of cool two-dimensionalism can get irked from being flattened all the time by those around him. I catch myself flattening him, even when he's right in front of me. When I bring up the deceased Lil Peep, with whom he shared a manager, I say that it's a shame they never met—they seem like kindred spirits who could have made a great song together, or at least bonded over tattoos.

Zayn begins to laugh. "I'm not just going to be friends [with people] because we've both got tattoos. Loads of people come up to me and they're like, 'Yo, I got tattoos, you got tattoos. Let's be friends.' And I'm like… 'We're not just going to be friends because we've both got tattoos.'

"There's a bit more depth to me than that," he says, admonishing me.

One topic that will draw out this aforementioned depth is, unexpectedly, America. Despite the fact that he is living in a country under a leader that is exceptionally hostile to immigrants, the fantasy of America as a come-one, come-all melting pot is alive and well in Zayn's mind. He says he'd vote for Oprah if she ran for office because he likes her "ideologies about the world" and she's a "badass businesswoman."

"The UK is like, Fuck you, you're successful. That's not a nice attitude to have," he says. "You come to America, you're a bit shocked at first: Are these people being genuine? Are they really interested in me? Do they want to have a conversation? But they do! And that's a really nice thing. And I feel like it's misrepresented across the globe. For the kind of country it is, because everybody supports, no matter what color, what gender, what sexuality, what class—none of that matters here. People genuinely want to know you for who you are. And that's how America should be represented across the world."

Watch Now:Zayn Rocks Summer’s Best Swerves

Maybe you should run for office, I say.

"Maybe. It'd be cool. I feel like it's a beautiful place. [Because of the current political climate,] people are expressing how they really feel about where they come from and their heritage and their backgrounds. They're all mixed. To be American, you are mixed.

"So that's how I feel about it—it's a beautiful place, and it's a beautiful time to be alive."

Another unlikely topic that will break Zayn out of his default conversational mode and get him talking in jolting, paragraphs-long monologues: the paparazzi. The paparazzi who have been trailing him for years and, recently, every time he sets foot near Gigi's NoHo apartment, feeding the endless tabloid speculation about the state of their relationship. The paps used to piss Zayn off, until he realized their utility.

"That's my promo," he says. "I come outside, they take photos." He gets to quietly remind people that he exists—and gets photographed looking like the second coming of Johnny Depp, leaving the apartment of one of the most gorgeous women in the world—without doing a thing. "They stay outside and do all the work!" he says. "You can get pissed off about it and be like, 'Yo, this is a hindrance on my life.' Or you can use it for your own beneﬁt and be like, 'Well, if they're going to take the photos, then let them.' You've gotta earn your dollar, and I've gotta earn mine."

Which is to say that just because Zayn loathes the cornball industry churn doesn't mean he needs to surrender his relevance. Zayn represents an era in which underground cool and mass-market, Calabasian-style popularity have collapsed into one another. He operates on a plane where celebrity is predicated chieﬂy on relevance and intrigue, and Zayn—with his equally illustrious girlfriend, his brooding glare, and his following of millions—has about as much relevance and intrigue as anybody. He is both a casualty and a beneﬁciary of this uniquely modern form of celebrity. In running from his stardom, he's only fueling it.

I suppose now is the time to dispense with the rest of the intel I gleaned from Zayn about his relationship with Gigi Hadid, which was a less sensitive subject than I had anticipated. The two met at the end of 2015 at a party—which "pah-y," Zayn will not disclose, but suffice it to say it was a "cool pah-y"—and just days later, Zayn learned she'd broken up with Joe Jonas. He reached out to her and asked her to dinner at the Bowery Hotel. And thus was born a couple that will go down in history as one of the most iconic and Zeitgeisty pairings of all time, a couple whose images I will show my grandchildren to prove that the world was better in my day. All of the gossip about their relationship being an opportunistic setup by their respective management is bullshit, Zayn says: "If a relationship is for your career, you can fucking walk out the door. No way. See you later."

Despite the dramatic announcement of their split a couple of months ago, Zayn and Gigi are very much still close, as evidenced by myriad photos of him leaving her apartment or kissing her on the street. Zayn speaks about Gigi in a purely misty-eyed, worshipful tone that telegraphs he may be atoning for something. "I'm really thankful that I met her," he says. He uses the term "we" in the present tense quite a bit: "We go to the farm." "We have horses." The time he actually rode a horse with Gigi, he says, "I looked like a complete idiot and she looked like a complete professional.… We're still really good friends, and we're still in contact," he says. "No bad blood." He laughs. "…Taylor Swift.

"We're adults. We don't need to put a label on it, make it something for people's expectations." To hear Zayn tell it, Gigi is the hyper-organized, clear-headed, and positive counterweight to his disposition, which can dip into a vacant or negative state. She helped him reset his attitude when he was releasing his ﬁrst solo album, partying too hard. "I had a very negative outlook on things. That might have been adolescence or testosterone or whatever the fuck was running through my body at the time," he says. "She's helped me to look at things from a positive angle."

As Zayn heads into his new album cycle, Gigi has been a font of support and organizational heft. He says she's especially good with dates, which I mishear as "good with debts."

She's good with debts? You're in debt?

"No, no. Dates. She doesn't handle my ﬁnances yet," he says. "We'll get to that eventually."

When Zayn Malik went solo, he dropped his last name. The mononymic "Zayn" took on a potency and directness that enabled him to break free from the chains of boy-band drudgery and lameness. Zayn: It's a single syllable that conjures a vaporous sexuality and a moodiness that blurs the line between contemplative and blank. You can imagine the black-and-white commercial for L'Eau de Zayn.

In the years since he dropped his last name, the word "Zayn" has also become, to insiders, an equally potent verb. To "Zayn" means to be within someone's reach one moment and then completely disappear the next without any explanation. Poof! To be "Zayned" is to witness a French exit so aggressive that it almost has a supernatural quality. I know this because it happened to me.

We emerged from the ship's galley, and as I prepared to launch into more conversation, he asked Carolina where he could ﬁnd the toilets. She pointed him toward a porta-potty on dry land, and Taryn wordlessly followed behind him, obviously accustomed to this ritual. Before I could get my bearings, he was zipping off into the parking lot adjacent to the tanker, no doubt scurrying home to his fortress of solitude and cigarette smoke in SoHo. I'd been Zayned.

We were supposed to hang out the following week, and I patiently waited for him to reach out. But I knew that he never would. And much as I'd like to be the exception to the Laws of Zayn's Nature, I get it. Who among us has never fantasized about blowing off pesky professional obligations we deem useless? Zayn—driven by a spirit that is part self-destruction, part self-preservation, part youthful punk contrarianism—actually has the balls to live that fantasy. It's self-absorbed, immature, and unprofessional. I'd be offended if I didn't think it was so fucking cool.

Carrie Battan is a staff writer for 'The New Yorker' and a contributor to 'GQ'.

An abridged version of this story appeared in the July 2018 issue.

#zayn #gq #interview #magazine #print interview #love of my life

19 notes · View notes

someobscurereference · 6 years

Note

Would you recommend listening to critical role? I’ve been a long time fan of taz and I’ve heard a lot of people refer to it as the lesser version of taz, which I’m 99% sure is just people trash talking it because it is similar. I’d like to hear your opinion and what’s the story building like? Is it taz like where they get really invested into their characters and the plot or more pure shenanigans and random plot lines?

I’ll first preface this by saying that I only listened to like the first 10 or so episodes or Critical Role’s old campaign, not because I didn’t like it, but because there were already so many episodes out by the time I found it that it became daunting to get into. However, I’ve listened to all the episodes in the new campaign that just started (except episode 5 because I need to wait until Monday for it to come out because I didn’t catch the livestream), and with both campaigns I’ve enjoyed myself a lot.

I’ve never heard anybody call Critical Role a lesser version of TAZ. That seems really rude and kind of senseless, actually, because they’re both D&D podcasts but they run kinda differently.

I think one of the key differences between Critical Role and TAZ is that DM Matt Mercer sticks to the rules more than Griffin did. Like that train scene in Murder on the Rockport Limited. Griffin let Travis do that and Magnus would have died if he’d made a bad role, but even though it was kinda silly and almost impossible to pull off, he let Travis do it. DM Matt from Critical Role, on the other hand, probably would have made the player do about four different rolls to see if they could manage it, and they probably would have had disadvantage on most of them because flinging yourself out a train window while the train is running super fast and then expecting to fling yourself around to the back totally uninjured is both unrealistic and dangerous. And there’s a good chance they might have failed pulling off a move so risky and died just like Griffin warned that Magnus could have. This may not sound very different from TAZ, but making sure a move like that succeeded in CR probably would have been more complicated and difficult than Griffin’s version of it. (Also, the worlds Matt uses are much less steampunk than Griffin’s. I don’t think there ever would be a train in the first place, though there are occasional airships or large boats and the like. But you get the idea.)

In other words, the rules don’t get bent as much. This allows allows the CR campaigns to take on a kind of more realistic (though still fantasy) feel, and some actions that might not have been as weighty in TAZ are a little weightier in CR. The CR crew has to regularly pay attention to how much money they have, whether they’re doing something suspicious that will get them arrested, whether they’re a high enough level to pull something off because being a low level and really trying your luck has a strong possibility of getting you killed. Not that Matt is overly mean at all! He’s not working with the intent to kill all the players, and remaking a new character is a lot of work, so he very much doesn’t want that to happen. He really only throws events and enemies at his players that he knows they can handle, so long as they’re smart about it. So he’s not making a “Take one wrong step and you die” type of game at all! But if you don’t pay attention or get a really bad roll, there is the possibility of bringing something bad upon yourself because you chose to be risky.

There are a few home-brew elements that get brought in occasionally as well. For example, in the first campaign, one of the player’s weapons was a gun. But overall, because Matt is working within the confines and rules of what D&D allows, the world and what can happen in it is pretty understandable. You can scale up the side of the building if you want and because you’re a rogue maybe you’ll have advantage on being stealthy about it, but hey, if you fall four stories up because you get caught, that’s gonna be bad for your health. Maybe that doesn’t sound very different from TAZ at all, but I think if you listened to a few scenes of CR, the way the world and scenes feel different from that of TAZ would become clear.

I want to make it clear that any of the above is not a deterrent or negative to me at all. CR is different from the slightly looser way Griffin runs TAZ, but it’s very fun and the pictures it paints of the world is very clear. And I do mean clear! DM Matt is a brilliant storyteller, and the NPCs and the worlds he paints are very descriptive. You can very much see them in your mind’s eye. Because the DM and the players are all professional voice actors as well, the character voices are very well done too! The voices are all distinct, and you get an idea of how a character’s personality feels pretty quick.

Again, I want to make it clear that I mention these things not because CR does these things better than TAZ in some way (or to imply that TAZ doesn’t have good storytelling or voice acting), but only to note that they are done well in a way that is different from TAZ.

Okay, on the character and story building stuff.

Just like TAZ, the CR crew get really invested in their characters. They put a lot of time and effort and feeling into them, and in the first campaign, they’d been playing those characters for quite a while before they show started. There are tears sometimes! The players are very invested in their characters and their storylines and their friends, and the idea that something bad could happen to them is treated seriously! They get torn up about it! The male players cry when they emotional occasionally too; nobody is above getting emotional or sad. On the flipside, good things are celebrated too. On particularly good roles, the whole table cheers. They laugh together. A lot of emotions are had, and the CR crew loves their characters and each other the same way the TAZ crew does. It’s a serious game, but nobody is above having fun with it.

Though the world is a little more realistic in CR like I said, there are a lot of goofs too! The exchanges in and out of character are funny, and sometimes events go wrong in very funny ways! One time it took three characters ten minutes, two spells, and several failed attempts to open a very, very simply locked door. Sometimes characters shave each other’s faces while they sleep. Some NPCs are very eccentric. There are a couple one-off episodes where someone replaces Matt as DM or something and often those episodes are very funny too. The plotlines aren’t often too random for the sake of being random, but one-offs like that can be fun. Usually there’s some kind of goal the players are trying to reach though.

Story building is a bit different too. TAZ: Balance functioned as a “collect 7 items and save the world” type story with a plot that was clear early on. (When they met the BoB, I mean, most listeners realized it was going to function as a collect the artifacts type game.) With CR, the focus is a little more on the characters. This is not to say there are not overarching villains like TAZ, because there are, but if you listen to CR’s first campaign, you realize that some arcs are more focused on certain characters than others (Not with anyone getting ignored! Just as a result of where and when the characters are in the story. For instance, the Character A may get a bit more of a focus if they’re near Character A’s hometown, but that’s just for the arc plot. Everybody else is getting attention too.)

All the characters in CR have a type of backstory that haunts them or a goal they are trying to achieve, so when I say “character arc”, I mean the arc is then shaped around helping that character fulfill that desire. Usually through a lot of fighting, because nothing is ever easy. But it becomes less “gotta collect this item and save the world” and more “I’m going to kill the monsters that murdered my family and live on our land” or “I’m going to prove to my clan that I’m worthy of succeeding my mother as leader.” Things like that. And then there are less character focused arcs in between! It’s not always “time for Vex’s story” or “Time for Grog’s story.” There are times where it’s like, hey. There’s a dragon. Or a swamp monster. Or for some reason the children and elderly in this village are going missing. Time to solve this mystery and save these people or unravel a bigger mystery behind it. So it varies a lot too!

The episodes are very long and there are a lot of them, so the story can sometimes move a little slower than you’re used to in TAZ. That’s something to keep in mind too. But it’s also a benefit if you’re interested in stories being very detailed and fleshed out as well.

If you’re interested in listening or watching at all, the new campaign just started! It takes place about 20 years after the first campaign and on another continent as well, so new listeners have an easy time of jumping in. New characters too! Episodes livestream on Geek and Sundry website on Thursdays, and archived episodes appear on Monday on YouTube. I think they appear in podcast form at that same time too, but you may want to look that up to be sure. The first episode of the new campaign is on YT here. The last campaign is fully archived in video and podcast format!

tl;dr Like TAZ, CR has some goofs, a lot of character building, a lot of world building, and really interesting stories are told. CR goes about these things differently than TAZ and is thematically different as well, but so long as you can enjoy a good story and aren’t too worried about all the D&D podcasts you listen to being told the exact same way, you’ll probably have a good time with it! The episodes are longer than TAZ’s for sure, but it’s easy to listen on the go or play in the background while you do other work.

tl:dr 2: I would definitely recommend giving it a try! Maybe listen to the first episode of the new campaign first to see if you can get into that sort of style (because everyone has new characters and so they’re learning again just like you), and then maybe go back to the first campaign if you like it! And if you don’t like it in the end, that’s okay too. Some things appeal to different people.

I hope this helps!

#my text #asks #taz #critical role #long post

41 notes · View notes