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suzukiblu · 3 months

Note

Parasite WIP is so good and I desperately want more of it! I voted for it in the poll and I’m so sad it didn’t win

Friend, I appreciate you asking after it because it really is one of my fucked-up faves that I really need to work on more, so uh . . . have all 4500 words of the prose so far all together, hahaha. Yes, yes I DID reformat this whole thing into Tumblr-friendliness all for you. THAT IS HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR APPRECIATION, FRIEND. ( so definitely we are gonna need that read-more down there, lol. )

Clark wakes up.

Clark didn't even know he wasn't awake.

"Superman," Bruce says with absolute neutrality. He's wearing the cowl. Standing in rubble. Clark is . . . not standing in rubble.

Laying in rubble. That's what Clark is doing.

Bruce is looking down at him very, very carefully, and seems . . . reserved.

Reserved for Bruce, even.

"What happened?" Clark asks, trying not to concentrate on the little seed of dread that the sight of that reservation invokes in him. He can hear the heartbeats of other League members, here and there in the wreckage of the street around them. Hear civilians and city noise. Hear Lois and Jon, distantly, and Ma and Pa, even more distant. And . . . Kara–both of her–and . . .

"We'll go with 'electrocution', but I think we can safely say just about anyone else would've been virtually incinerated," Bruce informs him, distracting Clark from his mental rundown of people he's currently worried about. "Or just exploded."

"Ah," Clark says with a grimace. Well, that explains why his head hurts so damn bad, he guesses.

At least it was him, then, and not any "anyone else"s.

He pushes himself up. Looks around. He . . . isn't sure where they are, exactly, except that it's probably somewhere on Earth and within the continental United States, judging by the architecture and signs he's seeing and the accents and languages he's hearing.

He has absolutely no idea how they got here, though. The last thing he remembers is . . .

. . . he's not actually sure what the last thing he remembers is.

Not a great sign, that.

Bruce is watching him. Like he's . . . expecting something, almost. Clark would ask, but there's an odd feeling distracting him. Something's . . . off, somehow.

Missing.

Bruce's utility belt is a new design, he notes absently. J'onn is down the street a bit and his costume looks a little different too. And Diana . . .

Diana is over across the way, and her hair is a couple inches longer than he remembers it being.

Clark would assume he was mistaken, except for the eidetic memory and all.

"Hm," Clark says.

"Hm?" Bruce says. He still sounds faultlessly neutral.

"Trying to figure out if I'm in the right reality. Things look a little off," Clark replies, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes in concentration. No unexpected sounds or scents. No particular feeling of disorientation that can't be accounted for by being apparently electrocuted. No additional pains past the dull pressure in his head or any immediately obvious peculiarities beyond the minor little scattered differences here and there in his teammates.

But something is–

"I can't hear Kon," Clark realizes abruptly. He doesn't usually especially keep an ear out for the kid, at least not deliberately, but . . .

Bruce . . . pauses.

"You can't," he says, very carefully. It doesn't sound like a question.

It sounds like something, though.

"I can't," Clark confirms anyway, glancing around again. He still doesn't know where this is. "Where are we, exactly?"

"What's the date, Kal?" Bruce asks, and Clark's heart sinks.

He answers the question.

Bruce's mouth thins.

Hell, Clark thinks.

"We're currently in Keystone City," Bruce says, very carefully expressionless. "We've been here for three days. The date you just provided me was a full fourteen months ago. And Kon-El has been MIA for roughly thirteen and a half of those months."

Hell, Clark thinks, and doesn't let himself process anything past that.

"We need to get a scan of your brain," Bruce says. "For starters."

"For starters," Clark agrees tightly.

Bruce tells Diana they're leaving, then abandons the rubble and takes Clark up to the Watchtower. Clark goes. He doesn't ask what electrocuted him or who's died in the past fourteen months or if there's anything immediately urgent that he should know. Bruce would've already told him, if there was.

And he thinks he'd choke on the question if he tried, anyway.

They go to the med bay. There's a total stranger standing in it who smiles at them when they step through the door.

"Haven't seen you in here in quite a while, Superman," the stranger observes in amusement, tapping a pen against the clipboard in their hands. "You still haven't been in for that checkup I owe you, you know."

"He doesn't know you," Bruce informs them evenly. The stranger blinks.

"Sorry?" they say.

"He was electrocuted," Bruce says. "Now he thinks it's fourteen months ago. We need a brain scan. Immediately."

"Hell," the stranger says, their eyes widening in alarm.

Clark gets the brain scan.

He and Bruce wait in a convenient exam room for the results, which seem to be taking a while. Bruce seems a bit more guarded than usual, which means Clark is standing next to goddamn Fort Knox right now. He sighs to himself.

"Suppose at this rate I should call and tell Lois and Jon I'll be late for dinner," he jokes wryly as he folds his arms, no real humor in the comment, and Bruce goes very, very still beside him.

. . . hell.

They're not dead. He knows they're not dead, he heard their heartbeats before they left for the watchtower, Bruce would've already told him if either of them were–

"They aren't expecting you," Bruce says with absolutely no intonation whatsoever in his voice. "You moved out eight months ago. The divorce is already finalized."

"Ah," Clark says, very slowly. He doesn't let himself process, again. Not–just, not yet. "What happened?"

"You left them," Bruce says, and Clark . . . blinks.

"I left them?!" he demands incredulously. Leaving Lois is one thing, horrible and impossible a thought as it is, but– "Not just–I left them both?!"

"As you explained it to me, you were no longer interested in maintaining the . . . 'persona' of Clark Kent," Bruce replies carefully, looking just past him. "You said you couldn't stand the screaming anymore. That you appreciated us . . . humoring you for so long, but you couldn't just keep walking around making excuses and lying to everyone while people were suffering and dying just because you had to pretend to be human for a while. So yes. You left them. Haven't visited since Lois finally signed the divorce papers. Haven't spoken to your parents either. You've been . . . erratic. Since Kon-El's disappearance. When we couldn't find him . . . when we couldn't even find out what happened to him . . ."

"Oh," Clark says, and his heart sinks again.

He doesn't understand, though. Kon is–he cares about the kid, obviously. Cares very deeply about him. He's pretty sure he even loves him, at this point. But he's not . . .

It feels terrible to think it, but Clark doesn't understand why Kon disappearing like that would affect him enough to stop being Clark. It's awful, and he still hasn't let himself actually think about it happening at all because he really can't process it right now, but that awful? Really? Awful enough to abandon being any semblance of a normal person? Abandon Lois and his parents entirely?

Abandon Jon entirely?

Apparently, yes.

"Technically you're on unpaid sabbatical from the Planet," Bruce tells him. "We thought you might . . . reconsider, once you'd grieved properly, so Lois pulled some strings with Perry White. He thinks you're having an early mid-life crisis and your co-workers think you're off finding yourself in South America with a bad cell phone plan."

"I guess I don't believe in satellite phones?" Clark says, trying for wry again. It doesn't work, but he tries all the same.

"This is unfair of me, but I'm going to take advantage of your current mental state," Bruce says. He's looking at the wall, though there's nothing there to actually be looking at. Not even anything on the other side, at least not according to X-ray vision. "Try to remember how you feel right now, when your memories of the past year return. Try to remember who you are right now, when those memories return."

"Why?" Clark asks, watching him carefully as he does. The corners of Bruce's mouth tighten. Just barely, but undeniably.

"You've been . . . gone, Clark," Bruce says slowly. "You won't even answer to 'Clark' anymore. You aren't the same man that I . . . that we all . . ."

The stranger comes back before Bruce has to admit to too many personal feelings or Clark can figure out what to say to any of that, which might be a mercy but might also be–

The stranger looks . . . strange, Clark notices. Nauseated, almost. And definitely distressed.

"I haven't done brain scans on Superman before," they say, their grip on their clipboard concerningly close to white-knuckled. "And my predecessor apparently hadn't done any in a while either. Last ones in the system are over two years old."

"What's wrong?" Bruce says, narrowing his eyes. Honestly at this point Clark figures a kryptonite brain tumor would really just be the icing on the cake, and frankly would probably explain some of his apparent behavioral changes and current memory loss. That genuinely makes more sense than anything else, really, even with grief and guilt to contend with.

More sense than abandoning his own damn kid does, at least.

Although a tumor's the worst-case scenario, obviously. And it can't be any worse than that, really, or any worse than anything he's apparently done to his family this past year, so at least he's braced for–

"There's an . . . organism," the stranger says, swallowing uncomfortably. "In your brain."

"What?" Clark says.

"A dead organism, now," the stranger clarifies. "But it looks like it's been there for a while. There are . . . roots. And . . . lesions, too."

"An organism," Bruce repeats very, very slowly. "In Superman's brain."

"Yes," the stranger says.

"I don't . . ." Clark trails off.

"We need more scans," Bruce says.

"I ran it four times on two different machines," the stranger says. "It's organic. It's not giving off any recognizable life signs. It seems like it might've been . . . you mentioned electrocution, before?"

"You think the electricity killed it," Bruce realizes. "And then Superman forgot fourteen months?"

"I'm not sure Superman ever experienced those fourteen months to begin with," the stranger says tightly, gripping their clipboard even harder.

Clark was in no way whatsoever braced for this.

"Fuck," Bruce says.

More scans happen after all. A lot more scans, a lot of specialists, and a lot of arguing. Everything's a bit of a blur, in a sense. Clark absorbs very little of it, and mostly leaves things to Bruce unless he's asked a direct question about his medical history. His judgment might be compromised right now, after all, whether the . . . organism is dead or not.

The emergency OR gets prepped. The red sun lamps get set up inside it.

"Should we contact Lois?" Bruce asks as Clark's shrugging into an ill-fitting hospital gown and preparing himself to possibly die in pursuit of getting a dead who-knows-what out of his brain before it can start to rot there and potentially kill him that way. "Or your parents?"

"No," Clark says. "Just get this damn thing out of my head."

If he doesn't survive the removal process . . .

They don't know what's been going on. What he let happen to himself, somehow.

He isn't going to tell them he's back just to immediately take himself away again.

He records something for Jon, just in case. It's not enough, but it's–something, he tells himself. It's something.

It's all he can bring himself to do.

He leaves the disk with the recording on it with Bruce and asks him to have Dick deliver it, if it's necessary.

Things proceed from there, and Clark wakes up again a week later in a private room in the med bay, connected to half a dozen machines and needles and tubes and directly facing the sun. Diana is dozing in the chair next to his bed. Bruce is pacing at the foot of it. They're both in costume. Clark feels weak and groggy, but he can hear half a dozen other heartbeats lingering in the hall, so presumably they were expecting him to wake up around now.

"Mm," he says. Diana snaps awake. Bruce stops mid-step.

They both look at him.

"The operation was a success," Bruce informs him. "Textbook. Or as textbook as removing a mind-controlling parasite of unknown origins from a Kryptonian brain can get for mostly-human surgeons, anyway."

"Do you need anything?" Diana asks. "Would you like us to call your family yet?"

Clark shakes his head, then closes his eyes and sleeps for another week.

"Sleep", he supposes, counts as something that he needs right now.

The next time he wakes up, he's alone in his room and disconnected from the machines and just feels . . . normal, really. Like nothing was ever wrong at all and he didn't just have major surgery that was, essentially, the equivalent of multiple traumatic brain injuries. His hair is already starting to grow back from where it was buzzed down for the surgery, and there's not even any bandages on his head.

There's no noticeable scarring, Clark observes when he makes it to the little ensuite bathroom to take a look in the mirror. The surgeons told him there probably wouldn't be, given both the methods they'd been intending to use and the nature of his own physiology, but seeing the total lack of proof of what happened to him is just . . . strange, somehow.

It feels almost like a cheat. Like it should be obvious, in some way.

There was a parasite in his head. Something controlling him. Pretending to be him. Passing for him. It could've done anything it wanted.

It did do things that Clark still has no idea about.

So many things.

He couldn't even fight it. Wasn't conscious or aware enough to, or just not strong enough to, or just . . .

He couldn't even fight it.

And he doesn't know what it did.

The door opens. Diana walks in.

"Would you like us to call your family now?" she asks.

"Yes," Clark says roughly, curling his fingers around the sides of the sink in front of him. "Please."

"Of course," Diana says with a terrible and merciless gentleness.

Clark sits down on the lid of the toilet and just . . . cries. Just for a minute.

Or twenty.

Diana kneels in front of him and holds his hands in her own.

Fourteen months, Clark thinks, all twisted up with grief and pain and so, so much regret. He missed so much. He wasn't there for Jon or Lois or his parents. He wasn't there for Bruce or Diana or the League, for either of Kara, for . . .

For Kon. He wasn't there for Kon.

Wasn't there for Kon when the kid needed him.

Kon completely vanished, and who knows if the damn parasite even pretended to help look for him? If it did anything at all for him? Who knows if Clark could've found him, could've saved him, if he'd still been himself at the time?

. . . who knows if the parasite isn't what made Kon disappear to begin with?

It took fourteen months of Clark's life, and Kon . . . Kon disappeared two weeks into those fourteen months.

If nothing else, the timing is a screaming red flag.

Clark abandoned his son and might've murdered a kid who only ever looked up to him, a kid who he was never really able to fully understand but literally named, and he can't do anything to bring Kon back or to make up for the year that he wasn't there for the rest of his family.

Their family.

God, what has he done? What has Clark done, and did Kon die feeling afraid or shocked or terrified? Did he die feeling betrayed? Did he think it was Clark doing it, however it happened?

Did he die thinking Clark wanted him to die?

Clark doesn't even know what happened to his body.

There won't be another resurrection.

Clark chokes. Diana squeezes his hands. He grips hers like a lifeline and shudders through it. The grief is a terrible, ugly thing. It's one of the worst things Clark's ever felt.

The guilt is worse.

"Lois," he murmurs finally, feeling like the weakest man alive. "Could you call . . . Lois, please, and just . . . ask if she'll come. I'll explain it all to her, just–could you call her, please."

"Yes," Diana says, squeezing his hands again. "Of course."

"Thank you," Clark says.

He pulls himself together, more or less, and Diana goes to make the call. She comes back a few minutes later and tells him Lois agreed, but needs to find a babysitter first. Clark in no way blames her for not bringing Jon along and frankly is surprised she's willing to come at all.

He's not sure what he could even say to Jon right now.

What can he?

Diana makes sure he eats something, then leaves for monitor duty. Clark tries not to overthink things. Tries not to think too much at all.

He spent fourteen months not thinking at all, though, all of it lost in one oblivious blink, so that doesn't work out all that well for him.

An hour later, he hears the Zeta platform activate on the opposite side of the base, and hears Lois's heartbeat appear inside the watchtower.

Clark exhales, very slowly.

He waits.

Lois comes to the med bay. She doesn't stop to talk to anyone on the way. Doesn't talk to anyone except that stranger Clark still doesn't actually know the name of, who tells her where to find him.

And then a minute or a millennium later she's standing in the open doorway of his room, and Clark is looking at her. Her expression is neutral, and her hair is shorter than it was the last time he remembers seeing her–the last time he was the one actually seeing her. An inverse bob, not shoulder-length anymore. He recognizes the blazer and heels that she's wearing, but not the blouse or the pants. Not the earrings or the necklace, either.

And there's no wedding ring to recognize either way.

Clark wonders what happened to his.

God, but she's still the most amazing woman he's ever seen, and he's still never once deserved a single part of her. Not even a fraction of a part.

Especially not now.

"Kal," she greets, tone just as neutral as her expression, and Clark aches.

"Clark," he says, just a little too abrupt, and Lois–pauses.

"Clark," she amends casually as she tucks her hands into the pockets of her blazer, and if he didn't know her quite so well he wouldn't have even heard the crack in her voice around his name, super-hearing or not. "Never seen your hair this short. I kinda miss the curl, not gonna lie. It has charm, you know? Very boy scout next door."

"I had emergency brain surgery," Clark says. Lois pauses again. Tilts her head. He keeps talking. "Two weeks ago, now. Just woke up again fully today."

"What?" she says, just staring at him. "You–what happened?"

"It's . . . unclear, still," Clark replies slowly. "But as far as we can tell, roughly fourteen months back an unidentified alien parasite moved into my brain and . . . took me over, essentially. I don't actually–I don't remember any of that time. At all. Then two weeks ago I got electrocuted in Keystone and the parasite died. The surgery was to remove its body so my brain could heal from the damage it did without it rotting in there."

Lois keeps staring at him.

"Fourteen months," she echoes very, very carefully.

"I'm so sorry," Clark says tightly. "Bruce told me I left you. Left you and Jon. That I stopped being . . . myself. I can't imagine how difficult that was, or how it must've felt."

"I can't imagine how waking up and hearing that none of us even noticed you were gone felt," Lois says.

"You never do pull a punch, do you," Clark says with a weak attempt at a smile.

"I'm sorry," Lois says evenly. "I should've known."

"No one did," Clark says, then . . . hesitates. "Or . . . we think no one did."

"You think that's what happened to Kon," Lois says, because of course she's already done the math, and of course she's already had the thought herself. Obviously she would've.

"The timing is . . . likely, at least," Clark says. "And really, if anyone was going to see my face and notice that a different person was wearing it . . ."

"You have a point," Lois murmurs. She steps into the room. Clark wants to hold her. He also wants to bury himself in the coldest, darkest place that he can find and never, ever let himself see the sun again.

He doesn't deserve it anymore.

"I'm so angry that I want to cry," Lois says, her voice very distant and her eyes locked on his. Clark can see her hands fisting in her pockets. "I'm so . . . god. I should've known. You never would've left Jon. Not like that."

"Bruce made it sound like the parasite was . . . very convincing," Clark says. It convinced Bruce, who may just be the most paranoid mind on the planet, so . . .

"It was," Lois agrees, still without taking her eyes off his. "But I still should've known."

Clark blinks a little too quickly. Lois tightens her jaw. Takes her hands out of her pockets and leaves them at her sides instead. Clark never thought he'd see them without her wedding ring again.

"It's been–months, I know," he says, hating himself for thinking he even deserves to say this. "For you. But I still . . ."

"I love you," Lois says. "Come home."

There is no possible world in which he could tell her "no".

Med bay makes him wait for another two hours of observation and runs some scans, but then they let him go. Lois waits with him the whole time. She doesn't call anyone or send any texts. Doesn't leave the room. Barely says a word. Hardly even takes her eyes off him, like she thinks if she blinks he's going to disappear.

Clark can hardly keep her heartbeat out of his ears, so he doesn't blame her.

He doesn't blame her at all.

They go to Smallville. Bruce had said he'd send Dick to pick up Jon from the babysitter's and get him to the farm, and as much as Clark had wanted to go straight to him himself . . .

Ma and Pa first, he reminds himself. This is going to be upsetting for Jon–most likely traumatic, once it all sinks in. And definitely disorienting. It'll be best if as many of the adults in his life as possible know what's going on in advance, so he can go to whoever he needs to go to; get whatever comfort they can prepare themselves to offer.

Clark doesn't know how to do this.

He doesn't . . .

They don't take two steps onto the farm before a familiar blur is crashing into him head-on.

"Oh," Clark manages, and Krypto barks excitedly and flies up to lick his face, tail wagging wildly as he jumps all over him. Like he's missed him. Like he's been waiting for him.

Clark nearly cries again.

"Good boy, Krypto," he tells him, quiet and rough. "I missed you too, boy."

He scratches Krypto's ears. Strokes his back. Krypto nearly bowls him over in delight.

Clark buries his face in his neck and cries a bit after all.

Lois watches.

Waits.

Clark spends . . . maybe a little bit too long crying on his dog, and then they all head up to the house. Ma and Pa are both standing on the porch; presumably they heard Krypto barking. They both look a little bit startled and a little bit confused and a lot more pained at the sight of him, and Clark swallows painfully and stops just before the porch steps.

He looks at them, and he loves them so desperately. Everything they ever did for him, and everything they've ever been to him, and . . .

"I'm sorry," he says. "I just . . . there was . . ."

God, the way this hurts.

"It was mind control," he says. "The past fourteen months or so. I was . . . I wasn't. Wasn't here. Or . . . anywhere."

"Oh," Ma says, and her eyes are instantly wet with tears. Pa blinks very quickly, his hand curling against the porch railing.

"I'm so, so sorry," Clark repeats tightly, his own hands in useless fists. "But I'm–back now. I'm home."

"Oh, Clark," Ma chokes, and then they both throw themselves at him. Clark's been hugged by people with strength far past superhuman, but it's never felt . . .

No. It's never once felt the same way as when his parents do it.

They cling to him. He clings back. Krypto barks again and swoops around the knot of them, wagging his tail hard enough to nearly knock Lois over with the force of wind it stirs up. Definitely some of the porch furniture gets displaced.

Clark feels so much.

They sit together on the porch, Krypto sprawled contentedly across Clark's lap and Lois on the steps beside him. Clark gives Ma and Pa what explanation he can–tells them everything he knows about Keystone and the electrocution and the watchtower and the surgery and waking up. They watch him just as intently as Lois does the entire time.

He doesn't . . . he doesn't mention his suspicions about what might've happened to Kon. Not . . . not yet.

He doesn't know how to. Not to Ma and Pa. Not after he brought the kid here and left him on their doorstep with no real direction and . . .

Just–he'll tell them. He'll tell them soon.

Just . . . not yet.

It's not a very long talk, in the end. Ma and Pa take in everything he says and just take it all in stride, just like they always have. Baby in a spaceship? Kid with superpowers? Son who thinks he can save the whole damn world?

Of course they take it in stride.

Clark loves them too much to even define. Too much to even wrap his own head around. They're the best people he knows. The best people he's ever known.

They don't even think there's anything for him to be sorry for.

It's . . . painful, a little, when Clark realizes that.

Or a lot.

So, so damn painful.

Clark hears the definitely-not-a-Batmobile coming, far down the road. Three heartbeats inside it. Dick, Damian, and . . .

Jon.

Obviously.

Clark strokes Krypto's ears one last time, then gets up. No one asks him why, but he supposes the look on his face must be answer enough right now.

He steps off the porch and goes to wait by the driveway.

It's not that long a wait, but it feels like the better part of eternity.

#clark kent #lois lane #clois #superfamily #bruce wayne #diana of themyscira #rinfic #anonymous #wip: the parasite

219 notes · View notes

delta-pavonis · 3 months

Note

Ooh, from the wip game: former mafia hob :D

I know I have posted bits and pieces of this in various places on Tumblr and Discord, but below is probably the largest segment of the WIP I have ever posted at once. And this is maybe about a quarter of it? It features an OC that I made up and then it turned out I was prescient because in my head Sandro looks pretty much exactly like Ethan from Maneskin. Also, to no one's surprise, this gets NSFW at the end. (WHAT?!? SMUT?!?!?! FROM MEEEE?!?!?!)

"And this guy, this Burgess, just had him locked in a giant glass sphere in his basement!"

"A human? Wouldn't he need air?"

Hob was in an ex-pat bar on the south end of Okinawa, doing a very good job of continuing to live completely off the grid just as he had for the past eight years.

The old man started up again and Hob strained to hear him across the length of the bar. "He just looked like a human. I worked there sixteen years and he didn't age a minute, hell he barely moved. I heard Burgess bragging once about how it was the God of Dreams that he caught! All I know for sure is what I heard directly, which is that Burgess kept asking him for things – magic, money, immortality – and the pale fucker just kept glaring at him. Never spoke a word. Just stared daggers with those unearthly blue eyes. I am telling you, if looks could kill, that old bastard would be dead thirty times over. Whenever that fairy King or whatever the fuck that shaved panther of a human-looking thing is gets out…" The guy whistled, leaning back from the bar and shaking his head. "The entire Burgess family tree is going to burn."

This man had Hob’s full attention now. He grabbed his drink and moved around to sit on the barstool next to him.

"I am sorry, where did you say you are from?" Hob asked, trying for casual, sizing up the ex-military guy. He had a muddled accent, but with a heavy dose of south London. His salt-and-pepper hair had been kept buzzed even though he had clearly been out of the service for a long time.

"What's it to you?" The man was immediately bristly, crossed his arms over his chest. He was defensive and closed off and Hob was going to need to work to get more information. Hob sighed. Or take the easy way out… just pay him for the information.

The Okinawan summer was too hot for this. Hob would give it one shot, try to explain, but if that didn't work it was Plan E for Easy. "I have an interest in the supernatural. And you certainly seem to have seen something. Could I ask you a few more questions?" The old-timer just stared at him, completely deadpan, unblinking. It made Hob take a sip of his whisky with its melted ice and then press the glass to his temple. "I can pay you for your time."

He perked up immediately after that.

> > > > > | | < < < < <

Two days later – and after an exchange of enough money to set that old-timer’s family up for generational wealth – Hob was settling into his Business Class seat on the long haul from Tokyo Haneda to Rome Fiumicino. He tapped out an email telling Gio his flight to Palermo was going to get in at 08:20 and would he be so kind as to send around a car? He needed to stop and see il Barone first (because his knee was bad enough as it was without getting kneecapped for failing to pay his respects) and then straight to the grotta. And make sure the shovel is in the car? Grazii.

It was his Stranger. It had to be. The description was uncanny. And the quick sketch Hob had drawn on a bar napkin had resulted in a rather emphatic positive identification.

And even if it wasn’t his Stranger, there was something being kept in that basement that probably needed rescue. There were paltry few things in the world, as Hob had learned over the centuries, that deserved to have their freedom completely taken from them.

Almost 22 hours after sending that email to Gio, Hob stepped out into the salty Mediterranean air of Palermo and sighed. His white linen three-piece suit with light blue shirt fit the aesthetic of the region as much as the weather. The smells, the breeze, the sounds – yeah, okay, Hob had missed it. But this was no time to linger. Focus, Hob! First, he had to give his regards to Salvatore and then he could go dig up his stash from his time in the Family Business. He put on his hat and dark sunglasses and walked out into the sunlight.

In the aftermath of 1889 Hob had, unsurprisingly, a lot of anger and frustration to work out. He ended up falling back on a reliable skill set he hadn't tapped in awhile: violence.

It was bare knuckle boxing first, which earned him enough money to leave for the States without disturbing his securities in the UK. He continued with underground boxing for a bit, because he was fucking good at it, until he got noticed.

Hob got picked up by Giuseppe “the Clutch Hand” Morello and Ignazio “the Wolf” Lupo and the rest was history.

First they took him in as a base-level associate, just another meatheaded guy who could fuck people up for them. And he made it to the Castellammarese War, which was as good a time as any to fake his own death.

But, by pure happenstance and a whole lot of luck, Salvatore D’Aquila caught him in the act, pig's blood everywhere, mutilated body that clearly wasn't Hob at his feet and well. That had required a bit of explaining. Explaining lead to talking, talking lead to negotiating, and suddenly Hob was heading upstate to train with the best.

And so it was, with some excellent mentorship on handling firearms and his innate knack for getting himself out of trouble, Hob became one of the most feared associates in Cosa Nostra.

In fact, he became The Associate.

See, he was never going to be a made man; he didn't have the proof of a Sicilian, or even Italian, heritage that he needed to be a ranking Family member. But any capo worth his salt wasn't going to turn away this level of skill and finesse.

And in return they had kept his secret. Mostly because they knew they had given him the means to kill them all if it was otherwise.

Well, it wasn’t like the entire Family knew. Just Salvatore and his immediate blood relations. Who he needed to stop and say hello to first, then to business.

Once the meeting was done, he headed to the coast.

When Hob left the Family Business he had literally put all of his gear into an air-tight oak box and buried it. One of the things Hob had learned over the centuries was that, more often than not, symbolism mattered. So it wasn't a surprise to find that when Hob opened the wooden box with a crowbar it was like seeing good friends come back from the dead. His shotgun. His sabre. His pistols.

He buried these along with his career in Cosa Nostra in 1998. It should have been earlier, but the six or so years after 1989 were a bit of an alcohol and cocaine tinted haze and it took him another three years after getting sober to work on his exit strategy. But once he was out he had abandoned it all and never looked back.

In fact, it was only in the past few months that Hob had let himself pick up a gun again to do some target shooting. Suddenly he was very glad of that coincidence.

After filling his duffle Hob stared down into the empty casket of his former life. He had never, ever expected to be in this position again, most certainly not less than a decade after abandoning it.

Crouched amongst the sand and the rocks of the beachfront cave, he ran a hand through his sweaty hair and sighed. "The things I do for you, Stranger." He closed the lid.

"Ti Umbra?" Sandro had been watching Hob silently up until now. Even as a little kid, Alessandro had called the thing that haunted Hob his Shadow. He was an eerily perceptive child, often ostracized from his peers because of it – which of course meant that when Hob had arrived in Sicily in the early 1980s they had become easy friends. Now in his early 30s, Sandro was mostly a driver, but knew his way around a weapon, as any son of a Don should. Hob had hoped he would leave, go to college, get out, but Hob never did convince him to. He was a good kid, he didn't deserve this kind of life.

"Si." Hob put his hands on his knees and levered himself up. "I think that he needs my help." A sigh as he kept staring at the box. "Am I that obvious?"

"Only to me, Bettino." The nickname had come from the diminutive of the diminutive of Roberto, which Sandro’s family knew Hob as. It was an endearment used only between them. "Only He could bring you back to this, to the Family." Hob felt the other man's hand on his shoulder and laid his own over it. The feel of those fingers was achingly familiar. "Let me come with you. You should not go on the rampage you are about to embark on alone, my friend."

Hob picked up Sandro's hand, placed a kiss on the knuckles. "Not a chance. I won't put you in such danger. And I won't let you see me like that." Alessandro hadn’t even been born yet when the Associate was working hardest, in the heydays of Murder, Inc., and all that entailed, when Hob rarely had a night when he wasn’t washing the gunpowder from his hands.

Sandro laughed. "I have seen you every other way, why not this one?" His arms went around Hob's shoulders from behind and he moved his lips to the shell of Hob's ear before dropping into Sicilian. "One more go at it? For old time's sake? Last chance to use me as His stand-in." He laughed even more at Hob's sharp inhale. "You think I didn't know? Oh, Bettino." He nuzzled into the hair at Hob’s nape. "That's how I was able to pretend you really loved me."

"Sandro!" Hob pushed away and whirled around, looking over his former lover’s dark hair and olive-bronze skin, high cheekbones and pouting pink lips, wiry build and black-brown eyes. Not wanting to misspeak, he answered back in English. "I did – and still do – really love you, you know that."

"Yes, but not as you love Him." Sandro shook his head as he moved in to press their foreheads together, arms back around Hob's shoulders. "You would not come back to the Family for me. You would not go to war for me. And that is okay. I know my place. I made my peace with that years ago, when you left." He leaned in to speak against Hob's lips. "But I would ask if you would have me one last time."

Hob let Sandro pull him to the ground amongst the rocks inside the small cave. Hob's shirt and vest were already discarded, his sleeves rolled up and his collar unbuttoned. He unbuttoned Sandro's shirt and pulled it down so it caught in his elbows, draped down his back low enough for Hob to run his lips over the huge tattoo of Santa Rusulia – Patron Saint of Palermo, invoked for protection in times of plague – wearing a crown of roses and standing amidst a copse of lilies outside a cave not so different from the one they are currently in, looking out to the sun setting over the sea, that covered his entire back. Hob drew that image, originally charcoal on paper, while they were sitting on the beach watching the sun set on Sandro's 19th birthday in the early ‘90s. He didn't know that Sandro had even saved the picture until a shootout a year later had Hob ripping off the young man’s shirt to stop the bleeding and found the image permanently inked into his skin.

Sandro knew more about Hob than anyone living. They had spent four years as lovers in the mid-'90s. Hob had gotten sober for Sandro. He had left Cosa Nostra for Sandro, had begged for Sandro to come with him. But he was too scared of his father, Salvatore “the Baron,” to leave. He was worried about the fate of his mother, his sisters. Hob couldn’t begrudge him that. It still stung.

Hob shucked Sandro's pants down his thighs and moved his hand around to his ass, thinking that he would tease him dry before trying to find something slick back in the car. Instead, Hob's fingers found warm, flat silicone. He slumped forward with a moan and his forehead hit between Sandro's shoulder blades. "Oh fuck, Sandro. You have been full with this the entire time?"

"Ready for you, Bettino." He sighed, soft and sweet as candy. He let out a high-pitched cry as Hob slowly pulled the plug out and Christ it was huge Hob would be able to just…

There was a thmpt as the silicone object hit the dense sand a few feet away, flung aside as Hob frantically tried to get his slacks down as quickly as possible. As soon as his cock was free Sandro's hands were reaching back to grab it, lubricant that the horny little weasel must have been carrying in his bloody pocket smeared all over his fingers, readying Hob to just…

Sandro sat back and Hob slid into him to the hilt, all in one stroke, easy as breathing, smooth and perfect.

They stayed that way for a long moment, readjusting to each other. The first movement was Hob's hands stroking from Sandro's thighs up to his chest then pressing them together. When they started rocking Sandro let his head fall back with a sob.

"Did you keep your hair long for me, too?" Hob wrapped the waist-length ponytail around his fist and tugged. It made Sandro moan just as sweetly as it had all those years ago. "That's it, sing for me, bell'uccellino." He snapped his hips up and Sandro wailed; he always was such a vocal lover, his pretty bird.

#yes another mafia AU #in this one Hob is still canon immortal and Dream is still King of Dreams and Nightmares #fishbowl rescue fic #Dreamling #Pavonis writes

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captain-mj · 8 months

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May tumblr endure the pain of all the angst fics on it's sight for eating your askbox.

Well then, I'm really glad you liked the Selkie!Ghost prompt I sent in :D, I loved what you did with it ^^ -X/3NH

(If you want the old prompt just tell me)

Okay new prompt: Ghost is a monster that lives under the bed and in the closets of children. Soap has been the singular person he's haunted, not by choice, just because Soap won't have a single nightmare related to him. In fact, Soap sees him as a friend.

Ghost's kind feeds off nightmares related to them, so he's latched to Soap until he can get a singular nightmare out of him. But Soap is now in 141 and he still hasn't had that nightmare relating to him.

So Ghost now protects Soap because he's grown attached.

(Do what you want w this concept, but I was thinkin Ghost takes a shot for Johnny, but gets that nightmare he wants so bad, it's about him dying in Soap's arms. Ghost's now free, free to choose another contract, but he doesn't want to get anymore nightmares, he wants to be with Soap. (also his family isn't too nice cause "he's the reason SOap doesn't experience nightmares, he's doing it wrong" (No soap is just a massive fan of monsters and doesn't feel scared around them)))

Wow thats a lot, well enjoy ^^

Hello friend! I want to say, I absolutely adore your asks and I'm sorry for always taking so long to answer them! They usually need to be a tad longer than my normal stuff and I want to do them justice! Also, did some very mild experimentation with some formatting/punctuation. Nothing super noticeable but if you notice something looks weird, its on purpose!

Also, Ghost is also a child for the first portion of this. He matures a bit faster but their age gap is only really a year (felt weird writing about an adult monster under some kid's bed)

Ghost had never, ever heard of a kid like Soap. The kid was... well. If changelings were real, Ghost would put money on him being one.

Soap regularly grabbed spiders and played with him. Not the cruel playing of little tyrants that ripped their legs off, but a genuine, loving little thing. He'd pet them and let them crawl over his hands and set them outside when they started to get agitated.

Snakes fascinated him. The first time he managed to see one at school, he came home, sat on the floor and told Ghost all about it. How the scales moved and reminded him of Ghost's arms. Then he asked Ghost if he was a snake which made him lash out and try to yank the kid under the bed.

However, since Soap feared him no more than he feared snakes or spiders or soft kittens, he just went straight through him. It looked more like he tried to pat him than anything else.

Ghost couldn't believe it. Other monsters his age were back home! Bragging! And here he was, taking way too much time.

"I'm going to kill you!"

Soap sighed. "You're always so grumpy. Do you want me to make you a cup of tea?"

"...I guess." Ghost pouted.

Soap smiled at him, radiant. Ghost wondered if he was made out of the sun.

The tea was delicious. He even got biscuits on the side.

"Why do you want me to be scared of you anyway?"

Ghost refused to talk to him about it, worried it would ruin his chances of ever going home. Soap smiled at him.

"Is it like a grade? If you scare me, you get a better grade?"

"Something like that." Ghost agreed. "I need to scare you."

"I will do my best to be scared by you!" Soap smiled at him and finished eating.

On Soap's thirteenth birthday party, far far after when Ghost should be long gone, he asked for some odd things. Horror posters and books about mythology. Ghost knew he was trying to get more information on him, probably to banish him.

Soap never did anything though. He continued to be his friend with so much ease. He also never told anyone else. At some point, Soap realized this was abnormal and instead of panicking like Ghost had hoped or maybe telling someone, he just moved on.

"We're friends. I couldn't endanger you like that." Soap had answered honestly when Ghost asked.

"We are NOT friends."

Soap smiled easily. "I'll get you to admit it one day. I promise." He gently nudged Ghost's shoulder. Ghost hadn't been touched in a while and the fact that Soap could touch him but he couldn't quite touch Soap was... weird. A little scary.

Soap smiled at him gently.

Ghost hated the day that... man put the idea of the military in Soap's head. He inspired Soap apparently. Sent him on this spiral to try to get into the military.

"Fucking hell, Johnny. The military?" Ghost sat on his bed and stretched out. His shadows had shifted from... well shadows into dark clothing. Recently, he had gotten used to adjusting them to look like a leather jacket, leather pants and dark gloves. If this so happened to be exactly like Soap's most recent movie crush, then it was purely coincidental. And if maybe, just maybe, Ghost enjoyed the lingering gazes from Soap, that was also coincidental.

He cropped up in Soap's dreams sometimes, but it was never frightening. The only reason he even knew was because Soap sometimes muttered his name in his sleep.

"It would be great! Going out there, helping people, good innocent people. Going on missions and adventures."

"Your brains being splattered against the ground. Dying. Fucking up and hurting people that don't deserve it." Ghost grinned, ignoring Soap's scrunched up face.

"Stop being such a bawbag. This isn't going to scare me so you're just doing it to be a dick." Soap hit Ghost with a pillow.

Ghost laughed and laid flat on his bed. He went quite when Mrs. MacTavish passed by, asking if either of them needed snacks. "She can't hear me, can she?"

"Course she can. Why couldn't she?" Soap tilted his head.

Ghost frowned. At this rate, he might as well just become human. He already fucking was. "How long?"

"About two years now. She thinks you're super shy." Soap explained, not understanding how terrible this was for Ghost.

Ghost dissolved, slinking under the bed.

"Wait, Ghost!" Soap looked under the bed. "Come on. Are you sad about your family again?"

"LEAVE ME ALONE."

Soap flinched and sighed. "I'll make you tea, okay?" He left Ghost alone for a bit while he did.

Ghost did miss his family. He couldn't go back until he fucking got a stupid nightmare and he was hungry because Soap's dreams were so fucking devoid of any fear. Stupid asshole.

The tea made things a little better.

When Soap finally got everything together to join the military, he was 15. Too young to actually join, but that wasn't going to stop the asshole. He planned to join and Ghost had to go with him.

The problem? While Ghost was roughly 16, he didn't have any papers saying he existed and he couldn't just wait for Soap to come home on his leaves. So he just made some stuff. Fake documents and different things. he was also very, very fleshy. Soap and him had touched hands and his skin felt the same way.

It disgusted him. He really, really hoped that while they were in the military, Soap would learn fear.

But that didn't happen.

Because Ghost was accepted and Soap wasn't.

"You're clearly too young. Try again next year."

Ghost felt his heart drop.

Shit.

This did not occur to him as a possibility.

Soap immediately started in on the man while Ghost sat there, stunned. He tried to smoke away. Dissolve and reappear miles away and back home.

His body refused. Panic flooded him.

No.

Fuck.

Ghost spent... three years? Time was weird. But he bumbled around the military. For the first time... ever, he ate what he was supposed to. Nightmares. None of them were good enough. They weren't Soap. It was better than the nothing he had been experiencing the past 19 years. That's when they reunited again.

Soap flinched when he saw him before hearing him speak and immediately brightening. "Hello... Simon."

"Hello, Johnny."

So Ghost watched out for him. He had to keep him alive and safe. Both because of his job and also because Soap needed to dream of him to set him free.

Soap still dreamed about him. Ghost could hear him speaking his name in the dark of night. Saying it with a tone that Ghost heard other people use in these scenarios. It was different than the playful manner of when they were younger. For some reason, it made Ghost's chest flutter.

Somehow, Ghost became a Lieutenant and Soap became one of his Sergeants. They worked together well and no one ever suspected it was because they were old friends.

Ghost had long since felt human. Any connection he had to being a monster gone. Even if he fed off the fear of his comrades, they weren't exactly Soap. He still had to eat human food and had human problems like cold hands.

Still felt pain.

The bullet went straight through his chest and the blood from his wound splattered all over Soap's face.

Soap's blue eyes widened. He was finally afraid.

It tasted rather bitter.

Ghost collapsed into him and Soap cradled his body. His blood covered them both.

"MEDIC!"

Soap screamed his little head off. So loud and insistent.

Ghost wanted to dissolve. Wanted to sink back into the darkness and hide under Soap's bed again.

"never wanted to join the military."

"Why did you then?"

"wanted to stay close to you." Ghost admitted, panting. His mask felt tight around his face. "it wasn't just a job for me. hadn't been for a while."

"The military?"

"No. Johnny." Ghost leaned up and kissed him through the fabric.

He finally dissolved.

His consciousness floated somewhere. It felt like home. He could still smell the soap Mrs. MacTavish used on the sheets.

Soap dreamed of him. Ghost was rather violently dragged into it, spectating whatever Soap finally put together.

The fear and adrenaline was intoxicating. Finally rid him of the awful feeling of being hungry that had plagued him for so long.

Soap held his body. It looked much worse than it was. The entire world seemed tinged with Ghost's blood.

"Please. Please. Stay with me." Soap begged, rocking his body.

Ah.

Johnny wasn't afraid of Ghost. He was afraid for Ghost.

How endearing.

The bond between them, the hold, snapped. Ghost felt himself start to spiral away from Soap, his body wanting to spin back into smoke.

But he dug his heels in.

"No." Ghost mumbled. "Got this fucking far. Can't ditch now." He had spent the majority of his life with Soap and he was realizing now that he wanted to spent the rest of it with him too.

It continued to drag him and he struggled and thrashed until his eyes flickered open to see Soap staring at him.

"You're awake."

"Fucking hell, don't stare at me like that. And I'm supposed to be the monster here." Ghost sat up, fully healed.

Soap went to stop him before pausing. "Always forget you're not human. You okay?"

Ghost nodded.

"Do you remember what happened?"

He nodded again.

"All of it?" Soap batted those damn eyelashes at him.

"If you're asking for another kiss, you can just lean down."

This kiss didn't have fabric between them.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #simon ghost riley #johnny soap mactavish #call of duty modern warfare ii #cod mw2 #ghostsoap #soapghost #cod #ghoap

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ddollfface · 1 month

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Can I please request a Yandere Hanayama Kaoru head canon?

𝐀 𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦

𝙆𝙖𝙤𝙧𝙪 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙮𝙖𝙢𝙖 𝙔𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣

Warnings; reader is afab/described a girl, yandere behaviors, stalking, I talk a lot, lots of ramblings, probably doesn't make any sense, bad writing, more stalking, Tumblr is trying to silence me, ngl Hanayama is growing on me... If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ Bro, I'm so sorry that this is super rushed, seeing as I hit the word limit??? I'm super confused because I barely wrote anything, but whatever. A lot of my headcanons are based around @yandere-writer-momo. Also, sorry for being offline for so long lol, kinda forgot I had Tumblr ngl :/

Okay, to start this off, I think that realistically, it'd be very, very, very hard to get Hanayama's attention. He's shown to be stoic and stone-faced, only showing respect and warmth toward specific people (Baki and Shiba included). And I think it's important to mention that the people he does respect is due to their fighting spirit and/or strength, that or they were there during his childhood (like Kizaki and his mama).

And that's just for him to show basic affection toward them, not even accounting for being loving. For you to catch his attention, I think that you'd have to be either a really strong fighter (meaning having impressive skills of some sort) or have a strong will, either one will work. (Though, a lot of the time, both go hand-in-hand).

When I say a strong will, I don't mean you get up after being punched over and over, instead, it can just be standing up for others. Similar to Katsumi, I can see Hanayama being attracted to a person who's selfless, in the sense that they're brave. Someone who's willing to push through their fear and do it, whatever it is. Now, that catches his attention.

There's a never-ending list of cowards who'll run with their tails between their legs at the sight of discomfort, willing to abandon everything just for their own gain, and Hanayama encounters these men all the time. Let's just say that it gets boring, annoying even. So when you see someone who's spitfire, ready to jump into danger for themselves or others. Now, that's impressive.

Whether or not they can actually carry through doesn't matter too much, it's the fact that they got back up, not letting their dignity lay to rest. Personally, I find that Hanayama would be far more interested in someone who's genuinely acting selfless in this way, acting from the heart.

Going more into his childhood, I think this type is rooted in Hanayma's relationship with his mother. Though I haven't read the manga, from the wiki, I've gained that he was close to his mother, loving her very much. We don't know much about her. Hell, we don't even know her name, but we do know that she was kind.

That's the only information we're given, but even from that, I can make an analysis. From this, I know that Hanayama was likely a Mama's boy, though still being trained to be a Yakuta. I don't mean Mama's boy in the traditional sense, I mean it in the way that she was his peace, his way out of the Yukuta world, his destiny. Being raised in a gangster lifestyle isn't easy, nor is it soft, so just imagine the damage that type of environment can put on a child's brain?

Horrible, huh? So I like to think that Hanayama's mama, before she passed, was far softer to him, giving him some sense of security. this is possibly why he felt such sorrow after she passed, discarding the natural pain we feel when our mama dies (seeing as there's a primal connection we have with our mama, but that doesn't matter too much at the moment).

Hanayama is a very monotone kind of guy, who, I imagine, doesn't like people with some type of alternate motive. Like, y'know how politicians or businessmen talk? Like they're hiding something from you? Yeah, Hanayama loathes those kinds of people, especially if they're trying to pursue him. I belive that he wants someone who'll keep his life steady; be his calm, if you will.

He wants someone who will be upfront, express themselves clearly, and won't keep what they're thinking from you. To him, this is a breath of fresh air. Hanayama is constantly surrounded by lackeys trying to kiss up to him, speaking with a hidden motive (which isn't really hidden in retrospect). If they're not trying to appease them, then they're quacking in their boots, ready to piss themselves.

But you're not like that, no, not at all. You're different. Hanayama can tell, you aren't some coward, instead, you're someone to respect. He can imagine you sitting next to him, all pretty as a Yakuza's wife. Yeah, he likes the sound of that. Well, the only problem is that you don't know who he is, not yet at least.

I imagine that you wouldn't know who Hanayama is, at first, seeing as he never spoke to you. He likely witnessed you acting selfless in some type of way, expressing your kindness by helping a grandma get across the street, something like that.

You didn't notice him, but he sure noticed you. At first, it wasn't anything too special. Hanayama just found you interesting, wanting to see what you'd do next, so he had one or two of his men keep a tab on you--nothing serious. It continues like that for quite a while, and Hanayama learns more and more about you. He knows that you like to sing when you cook, tapping your feet to the beat, and swaying side-to-side. It's cute, he thinks. And Hanayama feels closer to you, as if you know each other, like you're friends.

But then one of his men reports that you're not at home, not following your usual schedule. Instead, you were at some dingy cafe, drinking crappy coffee with another man, some slumbag who looked like he hadn't showered in a hot second. For some reason, which Hanayama doesn't know, he gets ticked off.

Someone as sweet, kind, and damn pretty as you shouldn't associate with someone like him, someone so gross.

He doesn't do anything, no, no yet. It'd be too brash, and too stupid. And Hanayama isn't stupid. No, Hanayama can keep himself composed, now knowing that he needs to get your attention. Afterall, he can't have you running around with other men, not when he's right here! Well... you don't know that, yet.

Few weeks pass, and you've completely forgotten the trashy date you had gone on, but Hanayama hasn't. You begin to notice new outfits appearing in your closet, clothing you certainly didn't have previously. They're far too expensive, too revealing for you to own.

You'll be confused, especially when these dresses, heels, and coats are no longer just appearing, but instead, being presented. Now, instead of being hung up or nicely folded in your closet, they're being laid out on your bed, accompanied by a pretty, black leather box with silk insides. A little note is stuck on top of the shimmering dress, causing you to gulp, looking around as a shiver racks through your body.

Who the hell is buying you a dress? (though, it looks far more like lingerie, seeing as you'd never be able to wear it out in public). You don't know, but you can't help but feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you lift the velvet cloth, feeling the lace slip through your fingers. Once you tried it on, listen, you couldn't help but feel curious, you gawked at how it fit you like a glove, hugging your curves, and accentuating your hips and bust.

It's fucking creepy, that's all you can think, but it gets worse, way worse. Throughout the weeks, you notice more and more gifts show up at your doorstep. The dresses get severely revealing, much to your discomfort. So do the notes. They get too detailed and too accurate to your day-to-day. By now, it's clear that you have a stalker, a rich one at that.

I'd have to say that this is the worst part of being with Hanayama: the courting. It's hella weird! You'll never feel alone, always having someone watching you, mostly Hanayama. He doesn't have his lackeys watching you anymore, seeing as he's far too jealous for that. He doesn't want someone as low at them to see you in such an innocent, vulnerable state. No, that's only for him to see.

Don't be surprised when he shows up at your door, your last hookup's head in hand and a bundle of roses in the other. After all, it's time for you to come home, no?

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hee0soo · 1 year

Text

Lobby Savior

Hongjoong x ATINY!Reader (female)

Summary: Going to see Ateez in concert was something you dreamed of and now that the concert is over, you only have to get back to the hotel. Too bad that you´re a young woman, alone, in a city you don´t know, at night!

Disclaimer: my delulu brain wanted me to write this and while this isn´t something i ususally do, i am a bit proud of it!

TW: Kidnapping and abduction

Y/c- your city

Y/n –your name

Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©hee0soo on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.

Also posted on AO3

Leaving the venue with all the other Atiny´s was kind of overwhelming! Not just because everyone was leaving at the same time and there wasn´t a lot of space to walk, but because the sadness of the concert being over started to creep up on you!

Only that you wouldn´t leave immediately, you still had the privilege of meeting the boys through the hi touch before leaving!

It had been 2 hours of screaming, singing along, dancing and cheering and it was worth all the money you had spent on this trip to (y/c)!

But now your legs were hurting and especially your knees and feet were aching!

Why you had decided to wear shoes with even the slightest bit of heel attached to them, was beyond you!

Scratch that, you knew why you wore them! It was because they had fit with the outfit chosen and you felt cute in them!

But it did not calm the stinging pain that was now bothering you.

It did not stop you however from hurrying through the crowd to the next visible staff member to ask where you had to go to at least wave at your idols!

They showed you the direction and after some very confusing 15 minutes of searching, you finally found your way.

Almost tripping over your own two feet, you waved excitedly at them. They looked exhausted and you hoped that they could go back to the hotel and rest soon.

You also felt tired and seeing them one last time before leaving gave you a much needed energy boost before the moment was over again

Now the only thing left to do for this evening was getting back to the hotel and get some much needed sleep!

The bus and train connection had already been saved on your phone and you quickly bought a ticket before making your way to the bus station near the venue.

There were still a lot of Atiny’s around so you felt comfortable being alone on the bus, but the longer the drive was, the more people got of it!

You only had one more stop until you had to take the train and half of people had already gotten off on previous stations!

The bus stopped and you quickly went outside. Having to hurry up since the train wouldn´t wait for you, your steps quickened.

It was almost midnight and you were in a city you didn´t know anyone in, which made you shiver. The cold of the night not really helping you situation!

Getting on the train was easy. Not a lot of people were on so you sat down in a seat close to the doors.

The ride took about ten minutes so you let your mind wander a bit.

What were the boys doing right now? Did they finally go back to their hotel? Had they finally the chance to rest or were they still at the venue?

The question was answered when you got a notification on your phone from YouTube.

Seonghwa had started a Live and it looked weirdly familiar! The realization hit you like lightning. The room looked like you own hotel room. The bed, the décor and even the painting on the wall was matching with the décor in your own room!

They had probably been driven back by car which explained why they were already back before you!

You weren´t planning on actually doing anything with the information! They deserved their privacy and you weren´t going to impose on that like that one girl did to Jongho in Berlin!

Finally the stop you wanted was announced!

Quickly getting of you made your way to the hotel. It was only a short walk but after half of it you started feeling like someone had followed you.

Looking behind you, the feeling turned into reality when there was a dark figure walking a few meters behind you.

They had a dark hoodie on. Hood thrown over their head and hands buried in the pockets!

You could already see the hotel in the distance and started walking even faster than before while hugging yourself tightly! Hoping it would hide you a bit from the figure!

It didn´t work! The person also started walking faster!

As you reached the hotel, you were sure the person let up but no1 he followed you inside. There was no one in sight when you came into the lobby! Only one person was in on e of the corners further away. He had his laptop spread out in front of him with a mask on and hat on his head. Bright brown strands of hair was peeking out from underneath.

He looked up when he heard footsteps. You could swear that he seemed familiar, even hidden underneath the mask and hat but you didn´t think about it anymore when the person stepped a little to close behind you and laid his hand on your shoulder!

Goosebumps spread on your entire body and horror made itself visible on your face.

The guy with the laptop realized something was very wrong about the situation and sprang into action.

“Jagi-ya! There you are! I was waiting waiting. For you!” he called with an accent underlining his words., quickly coming over.

The figure had realized that you weren´t alone! Vanishing thought the door, the way you came in.

Still coming over to you, the guy stepped in front of you but out of instinct you flinched away!

Realizing that you were scared, he removed the mask so you could see his face.

Behind the mask was Hongjoong. Gone was the makeup he was wearing for the concert, leaving only his bare face but just as handsome!

His kind eyes looked worried and he scanned you for any visible injuries.

He noticed the merch you were still wearing, giving away where you have been only an hour ago!

“Are you, okay?!” he paused a bit before taking you hand in his and led you to the table where he was working up until now, making you sit and breathe deeply.

You were shacking, adrenaline leaving your body only slowly.

Not being able to say much, you just nodded before shaking your head.

Hongjoong took the water he had taken with him and made you drink from it. He had yet to drink from it so he wasn´t worried about germs or anything.

“It´s ,okay. You are, save now!” he spoke and sat down in front of you.

You two sat in silence for a while before you found the energy to say something.

“I didn´t follow you here… I didn´t even know you were in this hotel now!”

The ATEEZ leader had to laugh at that. Seeing the way you had ran in and flinched away from him at first, he was sure you had other sing in mind then meeting him after what happened!

“I believe you.”

He had to smile. It was cute how you tried to look away from him and the laptop.

“I was just. Working. I like helping Atiny when they need. Help!”

“Why are you working down here where everyone could see you?”

Hongjoong shrugged.

“Seonghwa. LIVEu and other member, loud!”

That one made you laugh again. THAT was something you believed without questioning.

“You like concert?”

Nodding you finally made eye contact with him.

“It was amazing. YOU were amazing!”

The boy blushed at the compliment. Atiny´s often told them that but it was different when it wasn´t in the setting of a meet and greet or FanCall!

“Ah thank you!”

You wanted to say something but a pink haired someone came running inside the lobby, followed by 2 brunette boys, all screaming for Hongjoong you guessed!

They came to an abrupt halt when they saw their Hyung wasn’t alone.

Mingi, San and Wooyoung stared at you and you stared back. None of you knew what to do at the moment but the moment got broken when Hongjoong scolded them for being so loud at this time.

Not that you understood what he was saying to his members but it´s what you imagined you would do if you were in his shoes right now.

Their faces quickly changed from scared to sheepish to worried.

So he told them what happened huh?

“So our. manager calls us! Can we. Take you to. Room please?”

You looked back at the 3 other members who were grinning at you and nodded slowly before getting up.

Hongjoong packed up and showed you the way to the elevator.

“You ATINY? What´s your name?” San asked softly.

You told them your entire name and pushed the button to your floor after entering the elevator.

They didn´t take you to your room because you insisted they go rest and wished them a good night.

The next day when you went to check out you saw them in passing as they were leaving the hotel with the manager. Hongjoong waved at you and Mingi winked in your direction.

None of the members looked disturbed and not even the manager intervened. They all seemed relieved when they saw that you seemed okay after a bit of sleep.

The receptionist took your key card and printed the receipt for you before handing it to you with an envelope.

You thanked him, left and opened the envelope. Inside was a Polaroid pic of the members, the back was signed by all of them, with a note attached.

Get home safe y/n! - Yours, ATEEZ

#ateez #kim hongjoong x reader #ateez hongjoong x reader #kim hongjoong imagine #ATINY!Reader #hongjoong x y/n #ateez hongjoong #kim hongjoong #ateez fluff #ateez fanfic #kpop writing #kim hongjoong x y/n #ateez x reader #kpop x reader #hongjoong x you #hongjoong

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seemycee · 4 months

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🦢 𝙈𝙀𝙍𝘾𝙐𝙍𝙔 𝙎𝙌𝙐𝘼𝙍𝙀 𝙎𝘼𝙏𝙐𝙍𝙉: 𝘿𝙀𝘽𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙁 🦢

• so here we are again having another debrief this time about the aspect “mercury squared saturn”. i have a lot to say about her, so i suggest you get comfortable cause i will be rambling. as always i’m writing from my own perspective of having this as my tightest aspect. of course you may not 100% align with what i’m saying cause charts differ, but i’m always writing from a place of being informative and just good ole fun. picture me and this post as a fish, tumblr as my fishbowl and you guys are observing me and my behavior. for context, my 6h aquarius mercury is squaring my 9h taurus saturn.

• out of all my aspects i have in my chart i think this is the hardest, and i have so many so you know i’m serious. people who have this aspect are one the highest strongest soldiers, especially the ones who haven’t overcame it and still manage to exist.

• this aspect manifested in my life in such a strange way and out of nowhere. when i was a child, i had a very high-pitched voice. not the normal young squeaky little kid voice. it gave very much did you suck the helium out of balloons every morning??? this probably has more to do with my aquarius mercury conjunct uranus, but i’m painting a picture for you guys. mostly a lot of people liked my voice minus my father, and a few kids in my school. who assumed i was putting on a voice and should’ve grown out of said voice at 10???

• so because the constant harassment of my voice, i started speaking in a more soft-spoken tone, as not to draw attention to my voice. then on top of that, i wouldn’t talk much so when i started attending middle school people assumed i was shy when in fact, i was the furthest thing from shy. but the thought of publicly speaking, after being judged, so harshly at a young age, gave me really bad anxiety. that i just recently overcame at 21 years old.

• having this aspect 🫱🏾‍🫲🏼 being highly critical of yourself. this hit me like a ton of bricks because mercury is my chart ruler plus i’m a virgo rising so you know, every little thing about myself, i hated. especially during my hormonal teenage years. i used to constantly have this nervous tick where i would pull my shirt back into place after it started bunching up. another one i had where i’m constantly brushing my eyebrow back into place. i always thought people were looking at me. so in my head, i thought trying to be perfect. all the time would spare me being judged.

• the constant, putting myself down was another big one with this aspect. i ruined so many opportunities for myself when i was younger. i let the thoughts of being inadequate get too loud and scare me. i could be 100% qualified to do something, and i would somehow still think i’m completely unqualified to do it. even with people gassing me up. which i hate now as an adult cause, i don’t even think twice about doing something now.

• like most things touched by saturn. things got better overtime. being insecure about every little thing forced me to work harder and perfect my crafts. funny thing is it took me working in the real world and dealing with people 24/7. for me to be able to shed my anxious skin of my teen self. cause.

1. started to realize nobody cared and we all have our own issues we’re dealing with

2. started noticing people don’t perceive me the way i perceive myself

3. i was caught up in a outdated way of viewing myself that i didn’t notice the change and development of myself

• on a lighter note another way this aspect manifested for me is me being a history nut. i love all types of history, especially music history. i’m like a human shazam. think of the most obscure song playing in a store and i bet you, i can name the artist performing the song and give you details about their career. i also consume an unhealthy amount of history content from youtube. mainly old true crime and beauty practices from different time periods.

• also another thing i noticed with this aspect is not being able to share your ideas. i remember wanting to contribute to certain things then going never mind because i thought my ideas were dumb. then having people pull my teeth to get me to share and be blown away with said ideas. ex: all my friends up here in ny make drill music or r&b music. then you have me over here going against the grain composing new wave/post disco music which is just disco music without the beat overpowering the vocals. i’ve been doing this in private for weeks and i didn’t wanna share it with my friends or mother cause i didn’t think it was urban enough and that it was a silly idea that wasn’t gonna go anywhere and i just fall back into writing regular r&b music. i ended up telling them cause i like new wave a lot more than r&b music and i’m passionate about it. they actually liked the direction i’m going in, so it wasn’t silly idea after all.

• lastly i was so late to social media in terms of taking pictures of myself and posting them online. omg i used to hate the idea of even exposing myself in that manner. my friend literally had to beg me to join instagram, now all i do is over share and post my outfits. this makes sense since mercury deals with social media and saturn with delays and restrictions. i was already on internet for a long time and had a lot of notoriety on twitter during the mid to late 10s but nobody knew “me” cause i didn’t wanna be known as myself. even when i did start posting myself i started comparing myself to other people and it got bad so quick. i literally used to build up my instagrams just to delete them when i got self conscious. my friends used to hate that cause i used to get a lot of likes and would promote them. *in my gwen stafani voice* : i’m just a girl 🥲

𝙄𝙉 𝘾𝙊𝙉𝘾𝙇𝙐𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉

• even though this is a very mentally taxing aspect there’s still a lot of positive that it creates once you learn your worth and see your power. i went from being very unsure of myself and constantly self sabotaging cause of intrusive thoughts. to now being fully confident in myself and everything that i do. due to me working and constantly bettering myself as a person. that’s not an easy thing to do but it’s not impossible and everyone will get there at their own pace. 🫂

#astro community #astrology observations #astro notes #astro tumblr #astrology #astrology placements #mercury #saturn #astrology tumblr #astrology community #astrology notes

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ganondoodle · 5 months

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since seeing a post from a mutual yesterday i was thinking about how grateful i am that i can now, confidently say something like -im taking demise away from nintendo- or -hes MY character now- while knowing that the people following me will understand that thats not actually possible and also i dont mean that literally literally (duh)

bc (while i have mentioned it in the past and im not trying to fish for sympathy with this, the memories ... and trauma really does come back every now and then) there were people once that imagined i said that about a popular character in the fandom i was in when i was a teen and proceeded to try (and nearly succeeding bc i was already struggeling alot with depression, anxiety and undiagnosed autism) to bully me into killing myself; perhaps it wasnt their actual goal, but the shit they did (alot of them were adults too), was absolutely insane, but i've only been able to see that wayyyy after the fact

like even if im remembering wrong and i did word it wrong or weird or in a way that was easily misunderstood, i was a teen, with english not as my first language and it still was some fandom shit that ultimately did not matter and never in any scenario warrented that level of harrassment, i dont even think i ever told my parents bc i thought i had to deal with it alone since i 'caused' it too and since then just ... wanting to forget it ever happened

while i am much, much better now, and slowly learning to manage my mental health struggles too, i do wonder just .. how much of how i am today was shaped by that horrible experience, like the way i overly try to pre-apologize and put doubts on every thought i write out, or the panic i feel when something does go outside my usual range (mostly twitter really ..) was immensely worsened by that .. among stuff i probably dont even realize

funnily enough, i made my account on tumblr to try and flee from all that was happening to me (even if they did stalk me at first .. even here) and hey, im still here :D

i guess what im trying to say is, i am very happy to still be here, i am grateful to be able to be myself, even with its downsides, even with my problems, even if the things i do are passable at best, even if i will never "make it big", even if i am annoying at times, even if i do mistakes still, even if i am .... horribly bad at replying to the awesome people that message me-

there are, at least a few people, who enjoy, or even care, or heck, even think about what i draw and write, which is .. still mind boggling to me and i might never be able to truly believe its all real, there are people who are able to see beyond my flaws, forgive me if i do missstep or overreact, and just be aware that even with everything i share about me, there is lots you dont know that may inform why i feel a certain way about something, but thats okay, i am human, i am here, there are people who enjoy my brainworms, and perhaps even think i, as a person, am nice

i am so grateful for that

some things are good

#ganondoodles talks #random #tw suicide mention #again i realyl dont mean to try and bait for sympathy or sth #but some things do remind me of these awful things #and remind me also how far i got #even if it ultimately doesnt matter #it matters to me #and it might matter to you #and that it matters to you matters to me #thank you #i almost replied in a jokey way about this to the mutuals post in question #but then wondered if perhaps that would be a little much #but then i kept thinking about this #and well #its late again and it suddendly all came back #so i had to write a little #also fuck deviantart #no further context needed in these shitty times

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pillarsalt · 2 months

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hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)

I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.

I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)

but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,

And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.

And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!

But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.

I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.

I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.

I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:

"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."

Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.

I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.

Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.

#ask

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aethelwyneleigh27 · 4 months

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Stop the Harassment

After everything that's happened, you guys sure make it easy to quit a fandom. Let's be real here, who wants to be in a fandom where you harass minors, bully people so much so that they try to commit? First it was cosplayers, now even creators who caused no harm are being violated and bullied.

Sure I might lose followers but I sure as hell won't just be staying silent about this, not when my friend has already suffered through enough, I know the culprit, I'm just staying silent on behalf of my friend because they don't want this thing escalated. I shouldn't even feel like I'll be targeted after this because what kind of community have we created that we should expect the worst?

My friend has been nothing but nice to the rest of you and for you to treat them this way after they've been through so much after what you guys did in the first place just sickens and disgusts me to my core. Even before this whole thing they came to Tumblr for refuge because of their difficult time but you guys don't care about that right?

No because apparently what you do in this fandom is you tear someone apart who found comfort here to make them feel so bad that it's either they quit or commit.

She took responsibility saying that it was a mistake but no, apparently people have to be flawless for any one of you to accept them right? Is being a minor a crime? Is that it? Because last time I checked, Tumblr was an ages 12+ app so why are we so concerned? Regarding the allegations, they don't interact with mdni, even if they did in the past it was probably by accident.

Regarding minors reading and writing nsfw shit, I've said it before and I'll say it again, blocking is a thing? Can't y'all all comprehend that? Is it really that difficult to understand that you even have to spread personal information to others? For all you know my friend could now be targeted and preyed on by some creep because they found out they're a minor.

People are gonna ask me who it is but I can't answer for them, they just want peace and I want to clarify some things because I can't just let people think my friend this apparently "horrid" thing within the fandom without defending them, you were the one who interacted with them first (WITHOUT MDNI IN YOUR BLOG) and now they're getting pinned and taking all the blame when you didn't even care to tell her that suddenly you put it in your blog?

Not only this but what do you have to stand to gain in all of this? I wonder what was your motive to tear someone down and let your little minions do it for you because you don't wanna be involved.

The fact that you let this spread and let people do this to them without taking accountability for how this started or at least telling people to stop because what you caused just baffles me because how can someone have such inability to feel remorse and guilt, you've been awfully silent haven't you?

Probably because it's better to have someone take the blame regarding the harassment right? Because some people are standing up for them, though I know that some refuse to talk, I know they're also here to support them. You are one of the only people who knew of their age and damn did you make it easy to find you.

I don't even know how one person is capable of doing this to another, which I suspect you've been leaving some of the anon asks to them too when they've been nothing but nice to you, the least the rest of you can do is cut them some slack, Dms is a thing right? Block and move on, as simple as that. But no, the rest of you just had to spam it on other creators' accounts with the mixing of some false allegations.

Not only that but this? Can't y'all just leave them alone? You all act as if they personally killed your parents or something, it's like they committed some sort of crime in which they didn't.. you all did by spreading their PRIVATE CONFIDENTIAL information. None of you truly knows what happened and yet you all act like you're some sort of detective, have you all not learned anything from what happened to Vincent (Inquisitore) and Viper, apparently Milo is now also getting targeted for some silly video?

I wanted to post the other less filtered version of this post because I was so mad for my friend but in regards to people in my blog, this is as filtered as I can get it. If any of you ever harass her again, we WILL find your account and you best believe I'll have no shame to tag you, even more so if you've blocked me.

What's up with always hiding behind anons? You're scared of what people might say to you because YOU as an ADULT has been harassing a minor? That's what this is right? The rest of you are scared if the consequences of your actions because you know to yourselves that you've done SOMETHING wrong.

This is such a shit show, what even is this fandom anymore? I swear that not onec have I been in such a shitty one and I've been through all sorts of fandom, never as toxic as this one, great job y'all, you guys just beat the toxic k-pop stans in my list.

Though some of you are so kind and wonderful, there are still THOSE bad people out there who seek to tear someone apart for whatever petty reason.

I'm taking a break from all this and though I still will be writing behind the scenes so that I'll have the strength to keep going, you all disappoint me as a community.

#I'm speaking up in regards of my friend #leave them alone #leave all of the creators alone #you don't like them then don't interact #puff0o0

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dapg-otmebytheballs · 5 months

Note

SAY THE PARASOCIAL THING SAY IT

Aksjfhk okay

This got super long but basically I was thinking about that post about Phil being more open in his boundaries and I think he actually always has been! More under the cut

I think Phil has actually always been more self-assured in his interactions with the audience and I have some idea(?) of why that is. Phil has been around forever on YouTube, he is kind of a performer in a very classical way. You can see this in like how he carries himself in his liveshows, using very basic tenets of performance that we're taught like face the audience always and fill up any lulls in the conversation. There is always a screen between the creator and the audience, of course there is. But the culture we see now of internet celebrities and their audiences having very little boundaries because of how accessible creators have become to audiences wasn't as prominent back then. You understood as a creator that your audience will make whatever they want of what you're saying and you can't account for any bad faith readers. Phil always came across to me as someone who knew how much he wanted to put out there and was self assured in it. He doesn't feel the need to clarify stuff, and likewise engages with fandom in a similar good faith. What goes on in his life and what informs his thoughts, beyond what he shares, is none of our business, that was an understood thing and he's left it at that. And what fandom talks about, how we interpret stuff, how we do our parasocial shit is also not meant to be more than a performance, it isn't supposed to Say Something Serious about the creators, which is also understood. And though of course audience interactions started getting wildly out of hand some years after Phil started posting, he still is a product of a time where that wasn't how things are meant to be and he maintains that distance with ease. Thinking about stuff like draw Phil naked where he engaged with it in good humour, or how he didn't mind having sponsorships and clickbait titles because there's an implicit understanding that this is All A Performance so he doesn't have to try and "act authentic". There's a confidence he has in his role as an entertainer, and that informs how he interacts with us. (also I had expressed this all much better earlier but Tumblr ate it up so now I have to type it again sorry if this reads weird ;-;)

On the other hand, Dan seems to worry about all that stuff a Lot More. (And I was apprehensive about saying this so I thank anon here for allowing me to say my parasocial shit XD) And the thing is, the reason I notice that is Because I am literally like Dan about that stuff when interacting with an audience (I did some videos as well yeah, but also when I've organised events that I had to host, or presented poetry somewhere, etc etc) where I constantly feel the need to qualify everything I say and do very worried I'll come off as being maliciously bad, or even perceived as being a certain way or having a certain tone when I don't. I find it in rather positive ways with Dan too (like correcting language in old videos or pulling them off when there's something in there that aged badly or could be seen in bad taste). But other times I see reflected in him my own tendency to overcompensate (self referencing how he is making Easy-Content a la 'some shit a youtuber would do', making sure he doesn't come across as having the wrong political opinions by stressing on his principles when something like that comes up 'don't settle for neoliberalism' ((also he is totally correct and I actually do love those clarifications just fyi)) )

You can see this play out so well that time when Phil accidentally says 'cockies' instead of 'cookies' and Dan makes a 'cut that out' motion and Phil just laughs about it and corrects himself and Dan goes "Are you keeping that in??"

There's probably a lot of factors to why they have those particular styles of interacting, and really there's merit to both. Phil knows where the boundaries are and ever since him just speaking random shit hasn't had the extra issue of possibly outing Dan before he's ready, Phil has just gotten even more open with how he speaks, but I truly think he doesn't care as much what we think about him. It's like, what's going on in his life is none of our business and what we're making out of our parasocial relationship with him is none of his business, which is a great way of approaching being a creator and unfortunately something that is becoming less and less of an option as the culture shifts completely with generations that have been within this internet creator culture since they were born.

Dan having entered the scene later on when this kind of culture had started (plus of course his own issues that did Not help the situation) means that it made sense for him to approach us with that bit of hesitancy and that he continues to do so. I know I have that hesitancy about how I word things because I've also seen people be taken out of context and treated in really bad faith and that is a completely understandable thing to take into consideration.

But yeah Phil being the "quiet one" has never really meant that he is less certain/more shy to me, personally, I think he is an incredibly professional entertainer is the thing and I love love love that about him because he's of a dying species in the current climate.

#asks #parasocial time #dnp #dan and phil

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thrawns-backrest · 10 months

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I've never heard anyone talk about this theory on tumblr, but I was curious to ask you. What do you think about Ronan becoming a Grysks spy? I saw such an idea in one fanfic, but there they made Ronan just an ambitious and stupid villain. But I thought about and decided that given its canonical nature, such a development of events also seems to be probable to some extent. It seemed to me so, because look: Ronan in Ascendancy is even more vulnerable than Eli, who managed to build good relations with at least Vah'nya and Ar'alani, he obviously needs a lot of time to somehow get along with at least a brother-in-misfortune, and already especially with someone else. In essence, he is alone, and his character also repels the Chiss from him, which leads to their distrust and unwillingness to explain anything to him. A person who communicates little with anyone and understands little is easy to take advantage of, besides, attachment to some things or people is something that the Grysk are only too good at pressuring, with intimidation or cunning. And Ronan is attachmented to Krennic, to the Empire, to the Death Star, so in theory they have something to hit. In addition, if he is faithful to someone, then he is faithful, as we see, almost to the end. And if someone else could become for him a figure like Krennic to whom he "swears" - this person could push him into many things.

If anything, I'm not saying that this is a full-fledged theory and it will be so in the canon. These are just my thoughts on one of hundreds of possible scenarios. I was wondering how likely you think this is?

Oooh... honestly, as much as I love Ronan, I think that's very likely. I think it's even likelier when you consider Thrawn's suggestion to Ar'alani about feeding Ronan the right kind of information because they know he's a potential traitor.

Looking at the book, it's hard to tell if they mean that in the sense of feeding the Empire information through him or using him to misled the Grysks but both scenarios are kind of sad because neither assumes an eventual assimilation into the Ascendancy (which I'm trying to fix in my fic lol).

But yes, as you said Ronan is a very likely target for the Grysks. Ar'alani herself points it out and if something isn't done to prevent it, Ronan could easily be converted into a Grysk agent. The moment he realizes Thrawn didn't send him on some secret mission to find Chiss jedi, he'll grow even more distrustful of him. And if his experience in the Ascendancy is as negative as we assume it'll be, there's plenty of dislike there for the Grysks to feed and exploit.

In a way, characters with a lot of zeal and extreme views always have that problem. They're just... unstable. Kind of like Anakin in the prequels, because they feel so strongly about something they're open to manipulation and their loyalties can be exploited with the right kind of nudging.

That said, making Ronan's motivation ambition and depriving him of his intellect is just... dumb. Ronan genuinely believes he's on the side of the greater good, that the Empire is doing good, etc. I can see the Grysks convincing him that the Chiss are the bad guys in the grand scheme of things, maybe that they're planning to betray or attack the Empire and use his loyalty and inflated self-righteousness to pit him against them.

The thing about Ronan, I think, is that he has an eye for detail and is good at noticing things and reading people (e.g. realizing that Vah'nya is force sensitive) but he's not as good at using that information to come to the right conclusions. Sometimes he does and that's when his skills shine but sometimes his takes are just so far off it's funny.

Whether it's because he tends to overthink or because his biases skew his thinking, it's still a flaw and one that could be exploited.

My only hope for Ronan resisting the Grysks' manipulation is that he's already seen what they're capable of. There's this moment in the book where he gets a very strong reaction to seeing the bodies they've left behind ("Ronan nodded silently from his seat at the conference room table, trying very hard not to be sick. [...] He tried to remind himself that these men had been thieves who’d stolen from Stardust and the Empire, and that they deserved punishment. The rationalization didn’t help.")

At the end of the day, Ronan isn't cruel and doesn't have the stomach for cruelty. And that could be the only thing stopping him from trusting the Grysks who don't have a problem openly showing their ruthlessness. But, of course, if he's already in a bad place and vulnerable to manipulation, that might not be enough to save him.

#brierly ronan #thrawn #thrawn treason

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da-proti-toku-grem · 3 months

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Well I'm seeing some people talking about this, and I really don't want to get too much into this kind of things (unless I see someone cross any line, then I will talk), but I have two things to say:

(Also I know the problem is mainly in other platforms but I only actively use tumblr so that's why I'm writing this here. And this is not directed to anyone in specific, I just need to let it out)

First of all, I hope all my posting didn't come out as "speculating" or anything, I just find it fun that they are not giving us too much information before hand, because it's making my mind think about all the different possibilities and I like posting them here. But even so, I am so so excited for the next three chapters, whatever they might be. I honestly didn't know about Damon before all this, but he truly looks like such a wonderful and transparent artist and I'll definitely be looking at more of his work because he's truly amazing. So, whatever he gives us, be it just Kris and Bojan, be it all of them individually, be it any ""ship"" content, or be it something else, I'll take it very gladly.

We will get whatever Damon and the guys want to give us and nothing more. They are showing their vulnerabilities to us (because that's what Damon focuses on), and we as a fandom are not in any place to judge or comment about what would or wouldn't be better for them to do. In fact, we should be greatful that they're showing this side of themselves to us. Of course, we can talk about the different possibilities and what we'd like to see; but that's not the same as saying what they should do.

From my honest point of view (which again, doesn't change whatever they do, and I don't want to either), I would really like to see each one of the guys individually because we barely see them like that. Don't get me wrong, I love them together and their photoshoot as a band always have me screaming, but there'a something so nice about the idea of getting to see them individually (like we already did with Bojan and Kris). And it's not because my faves are coincidentally the other three, but because I want all of them to know that we see them. I want all of them to feel appreciated. I want all of them to know that we love them for who they are. They are a band as a whole, and they themselves have made it clear that no one is more important than the others. Each one of them is different and without them Joker Out doesn't exist, at least how we know them right now.

Second of all, I'm actually really thrilled about what the kissing part might mean, but not in the "I want my ships to come true" kinda way (of course I would be very happy if one (or more) of my ships turned out to be true, but then again if it is actually true they should have the opportunity to come out when (or if) they want and how they want, not because of the pressure from the fans.), but in the way that it could actually mean a lot to a lot of people. I'm talking from my perspective as a cis girl here, but I know A Lot of guys (probably 99% of the guys I know) that never show affection for their friends in this kind of ways because "what will people say?". And even though it happens between girls too, it is (from what I've seen and I think people will agree with me on this one) so much worse in the case of guys.

I was actually thinking about this yesterday because I spent the day with my best friend of 18 years, and we spend all the time hugging each other close, giving each other pecks on the cheeks and holding hands, and suddenly it hit me that I never see guys doing that with their friends. I've never seen guys being so affectionate with their friends in this kind of way. And believe me, I have lots of guy friends and they're probably a whole lot closer with each other than I am with most of my friends. But they just never show it in physical ways because even hugging each other is seen as something bad for some (very stupid) reason.

Where I was going with this is that I really really appreciate the fact that the guys from Joker Out are always so open about their affection for each other (eg. when they hug each other all the time, Bojan ruffling everyone's hair, Jure calling them "my boys" and saying he's really happy just being with them, all their shenanigans on stage, the whole "conspiracy theory" thing, them sharing kisses from time to time, and so on and so forth), because I've personally NEVER seen anyone being like that and it truly feels like an inspiration.

And on top of all of this, if we get Damon actually photographing any of this (again, be it whatever they want it to be) and sharing it with the world feels truly freeing in some way.

And what if some of them are actually queer? What if all of them are queer? What if none of them are? What if they never want to address any of this and just keep living their lives however they want like the normal people they are? We shouldn't care and we shouldn't push them to share anything about their personal lives because they don't have to.

I just want guys (and everyone in the world but you know what I mean) to be able to kiss and hug their friends, I want guys to be able to say "I love you" or "I miss you" to their friends without having to worry about what everyone will think or people speculating on their sexualities. I really hope someday people will understand that it's not bad to show platonic affection and love and that it's just as important as romantic love...

#sorry if this doesn't make much sense but i'm to tired to reread it #and also i really hope i don't sound like i'm angry #i'm sorry i don't know how to express my feelings well through words without worrying that someone will take the message completely wrong #joker out #maca speaks #i questioned myself for a solid 10 minutes before posting this but i feel like i need to atp so here you go

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morimonchi · 3 months

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I made a list of all Real and AI characters in Duel Links so far! (with some of my own theories too)

So, one day I decided to take the time to investigate/study the lore of Duel Links because the voices in my head won’t shut up, is not an easy task since not many people archived that much info of the events and lore of this game until recent years. So, with the help of talking with some people online, the insane and cool people of Tumblr obsessed with this game and its lore as much as I am, and me playing the game myself and seeing the event and making my own theories, I ended up with this list! Warning: is a very long wall of text.

(shoutout to @cyberdragoninfinity and @fortuneangel on Tumblr, they are very cool and obsessed with the Duel Links lore which is based and their posts helped me out a lot, I even copy-pasted from some of Cyberdragoninfinity’s lore posts and Fortuneangel's own list because turns out they made a list of this stuff too, very good for me it made my job easier, although it would've been cool to find out about that earlier and not after I finished my initial list that took like 2-3 days to make lol)

Ever since the game first came out, the clues where always there that the Legendary Duelists and NPC duelists were all AI made by Seto "mentally unstable" Kaiba, which is kinda fucked up to begin with.

However, they are pretty bland and boring AI, since Kaiba probably only had second hand knowledge of some of the Duelist or he meet them but doesn't know them on a deeper level to make a good copy of them (heck some of them he didn't even meet at all). It’s all stuff Kaiba either heard about secondhand, or was physically present for to see in some way. He made the best approximation he could, on his own, but they’re just that: approximations.

however, starting from a certain event, things got weird: The Yami Bakura Event.

Easy best example is the first ever event character, Yami Bakura. A fascinating character in Duel Links lore, simply because he's the first Self Aware AI! So now, all character after the Yami Bakura Event aren't basic AI copies like the ones before, but instead AI SOUL copies (that's how I call them at least, but I'll be saying AI copies here for easier understanding/reading).

Meaning that they are copies made by the Kaiba's soul printer machine (insert crazy explanation of what the heck that is supposed to be) that uses the memories of the people connected to Duel Links in order create the DL world and the new AI copies in it.

suddenly characters felt way more alive and "real", even evolving pass their latest character developments from the manga/anime somehow? (and yes, the DM world is based heavily on the mangaverse! but somehow the characters have memories from the anime events).

However, not all characters moving forward are AI copies, some are the actual Real-Life characters, so I will only talk about the Real Life and AI characters that are self-aware to some degree, and some AI that I think might be unaware-

If I don't mention a character is because they’re probably 100% AI copy with zero awareness of what's going on in this Cosmic Horror Trading Card Mobile Game.

DM WORLD

All other DM characters before Yami Bakura are normal old AI copies, they were made by Kaiba himself so that's why they kinda bad, specially Yami Yugi being the first one to be made, making it the blandest AI of all and not like the real Yami Yugi at all.

So, starting from the original anomaly we have:

-Yami Bakura: the first self-aware character AI copy, 100% fully aware of it and even comments on it.

-Yami Marik: AI copy, iirc I think he’s fully aware of it too? He’s just here to have a good (violent) time. (EDIT: Fortuneangel on Tumblr was informed he’s fully aware of it, so yea, he’s an AI 100% self-aware).

-Pegasus: AI copy of mangaverse!Pegasus specifically; not only is he fully aware of that, he’s also aware of the multiverse inhabiting DL AND the fact that he’s dead! Fun!!!

-Ishizu: she’s a weird case I just got reminded by the fact that she like. can tell something is Amiss and wonders why she’s still wearing the necklace. So, she’s like an AI clone of post Battle City Ishizu being kind of forced to play out the role of mid-canon BC Ishizu, and she’s not fully aware of the details. ok cool Kaiba!!!!!

Now funny thing with Pegasus, when the Thousand Illusion structured deck was released, you can actually go check it and the text in front of it says:

"I'd like you to meet my key monster! Thousand-Eyes Restrict!"

so yea for this one Structured deck I think Pegasus pretty much told Kaiba "stfu this are MY monsters and I WILL present them!" which is very cool and epic and go Pegasus slay.

DSOD WORLD

Now here is where we have the man himself, not the DM one, but the DSOD one:

-DSOD, Seto "In need of goddamn therapy" Kaiba: who is 100% the real Seto Kaiba, playtesting and all that stuff. He's here doing crazy people stuff and playing God. I’m pretty sure DM Kaiba was only an avatar unlike this one, who is the real deal.

-DSOD, Mokuma: is also real and helping his brother with his ego projects and digital world domination or whatever the heck Duel Links is supposed to be.

-DSOD, Yugi Muto: is probably the only real Yugi Muto in the game, and is very sad when he duels AI Yami Yugi and I want to hug my boy Yugi pls.

Ok then, unlike the clear as day old and new AI copies of DM world, I'm pretty sure all the members of the DSOD world are the real-life characters themselves who actually got into Duel Links somehow (this is based on Joey's unlock event and the dialogue where he says that some KaibaCorp employee put a VR device on his head, I wonder if that happened to everyone else in DSOD World?).

Well, everyone except maybe that ugly humpty dumpty looking ahh dude, Scud is probably AI. Reason being he freaking died in the movie and we never see him come back, so I just assume he stayed dead and this is some AI error or smth, the game does say something about an error in the system when you get the Scud unlock available.

GX WORLD

Ok so, at first, I didn't think any of the GX would be the real versions other than Jaden/Yubel, but after some research I found info that makes it seem likely that Dr. Crowler of all people might be at least 1 of the real ones, this is because in his event he says something along the lines of “…Unbelievable! There are so many Duel Academy students here! WHEN THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN CLASS! If they stop showing up to my class, Duel Academy will cut my salary...”.

There’s also another dialogue with Jaden where Dr. Crowler says he’s on vacation so, we can be sure that AT LEAST Dr. Crowler is a real person, and that he got into Duel Links on his own.

And again, I found this info of Dr. Crowler and I’m like “ok so is just this two people, Jaden/Yubel and Dr. Crowler, cool” but then I found new info and…

THE CHAZZ

Yeah, Manjoume Thunder of all people is ALSO probably the real deal, the one and only, The Chazz himself. And that is only because of the “friends” he brings with him, Ojamas Yellow, Green, and Black wouldn’t be there if Manjoume was an AI, and even if they were they wouldn’t Leak Yubel's Event like Yellow did. I didn’t know this info before so thanks @ask-maxie-boy on Tumblr, owner of the one and only @incorrectduellinksquotes.

Then the list we have is:

-Professor Crowler: the one and only character I can say for sure is (maybe) real, like 90% probability of being real. If not, then I was lied to, backstabbed and quite possibly, bamboozled.

-The Chazz: another one with hard evidence to be the real thing, proving his humanity thanks to Ojama Yellow. truly only the best for The Chazz.

-Jaden/Yubel: is probably real? like at least he's aware of the AI copies and stuff, he knows about AND can see the other 2 Jadens and the one Yubel in the game, it should be clear as day for him.

-Supreme King Jaden, Yubel and Satorius: These are AI copies for sure but I don't know if they are aware of it.

-Jim Cook: He’s suspicious of Duel Links during his Character Unlock Event iirc, not sure if he's the real one or an AI.

And everyone else in GX is a mystery! I can’t say for sure if they are AI or not and don’t have enough clues to make a strong argument for neither of the two options.

5D'S WORLD

-Team 5D’s: WELL OK I WOULDA SAID THEYRE AI BEFORE BUT THIS LAST CHARACTER EVENT (Z-one) MAY BE IMPLYING THEY (yusei, jack, crow, akiza, and the twins) ARE ALL THE REAL DEAL SO. THAT’S AN INTERESTING TWIST IF SO!!! (Fortuneangel on Tumblr said calmly). Yeah, I agree with this information.

-Bruno/Antinomy: 10000000% AI copy, is actually fully aware he’s just some code on a hard drive and has commented on it!

Not sure if he knows he's dead but knowing Bruno, he probably knows that.

-Kiryu: OK, hear me out, this one? I'm not really sure if he's real to be honest, BUT, during Z-one's event he had such a cool interaction with Z-one that I think he's a "post-canon" version of Kiryu????

which is very freaking cool and not something that I could say is AI. But again, is my personal theory that this Kiryu is THE real Kiryu, however, I could be wrong.

-Paradox: aware of his own dead, Pegasus dead, the Illiaster's deaths, the multiverse and that he is probably an AI copy (thanks for that Pegasus, very cool).

-Z-one: Aware of being dead and all that, not sure if he knows he's an AI? probably knows, if anything Bruno might've told him

-Aporia: indeed, all Illiaster are self-aware of being dead, yippieeee!!!

-Primo: AI copy 100% for sure like no doubt and probably unaware of it, a sad creature (also, during Z-one's event, he had a realistic depiction of a panic attack).

For the rest of the 5D's cast, I have no idea but I think they are AI? say some of them like the Dark Signers are definitely AI, no doubt, but I’m not sure about the others.

But then we have someone like Tetsu Trudge… Who I have no fucking idea what's the deal with him. Is he a copy of first season Trudge, the one with no character development? or is he the real one? He can’t be the real one, he’s a mean dude again! I really have no idea about him and it annoys me. I’m going to say he’s AI.

ZEXAL WORLD

Ok so, I have no idea what's going on with Zexal, I think almost everyone is AI? but like, I'm not sure? You see, events in GX and 5Ds are just repetitions of sorts, and everyone seems aware of it and having Deja Vus, that’s why I believe that al least some people in GX and 5D’s are real. On the other hand, we have Zexal which is also repeating itself, but no one is going "Hey didn't this happen already?", which is very odd and makes me believe they are all AI in there, and both Arc-V and Vrains are continuations of the original stories.

however, we do have one group of people in Zexal that might be relevant:

-The Arclight Family (III, IV and V): probably the only real persons in Zexal, or at least, the only ones we know might/could be real.

during III's event, III decides to study duel links and find out what it is, why events are happening again, what the heck is a KaibaCorp, etc.

also has the theory that Duel Links is a Chronomaly of some kind, because you know, is III of course it's a Chronomaly he thinks about, but he’s theory has some merit I’ll give him that.

Now V... I forgot V's event, sorry, but he's aware too.

IV on the other hand, is also aware, but not because he figured it out or something, III pretty much just told him lol. Doesn't seem to care too much he's just vibing in DL. Of course, he's helping his brother when needed, but he seems chill about it.

ARC-V WORLD

I have no idea who is real or not. We know the events in Arc-V World are a continuation of the end of the anime, so that’s at least a good sign but…

Declan and Shay, Yuya, Sora the bracelet girls, all seem to be aware that something isn’t right here, but to say they are fully aware of what's going on I can't say. So even with the self-awareness, they are most likely AI, all of them.

They at least know the whole "Memories brings people" and are investigating what's going on with that which is cool.

I can say Yuto is most likely AI, same goes for Yugo and Serena. But they don't seem aware of it and think they separated from Yuya/Yuzu somehow instead.

The only one I trust might be able to figure something is Reiji, because is Akaba fucking Reiji.

VRAINS WORLD

FINALLY, A WORLD WERE NOBODY IS AN AI COPY (I mean, there's Ai, who is obviously and AI but like, you get what I mean lol)

So yeah, Vrains World is pretty much just a sequel to the anime so everyone here is not only the real ones, but also the only characters that are aware that the other worlds exist (aside from like, Yugi, Jaden and Yusei because you know, Paradox’s Event and Bonds Beyond Time, but they only know each other’s worlds/eras so they don’t really count).

This is because in the Ghost Gal event they reach the limits of Duel Links and get to see the other Worlds (DM, GX, 5D’s, Zexal, Arc-V and even Sevens!)

So yea the VRAINS cast in DL effectively becoming horror movie protagonists wasn't on my bingo board but I'm totally in for this.

All of this happening in a free trading card mobile game… thanks Konami you epic.

SEVENS WORLD

Yeah no, they’re all AI SOUL copies let's be real here, maybe Yuga in a future event will do the classic Yuga thing and be like "Oh, I already knew we are AI and that this world is a fake recreation of ours, is the first thing I checked when I got here" or something. And I have hopes in Nail to be cool and epic and figure out the situation but for now the Sevens group knows nothing (except maybe Yuga, because is Yuga).

Now that’s all the characters we have available for now, once we get some new events and relevant information and lore, I will update this list to see if we can add someone else new or an older character that we didn’t know was aware this whole time! This was a fun thing to write, I hope I managed to explain it all correctly and that is easy to understand, if anyone has some information that they would like to share feel free to ask! Again, I want to say thank you to @Cyberdragoninfinity and @Fortuneangel from Tumblr for being so cool and having so much info on Duel Links lore available and for sharing with everyone, now I’ll see you all next time Konami decides to hit us with a sledgehammer of info out of nowhere in a Tag Duel Tournament or something, byeeeeeee!!!

#yea seems like i got a lot to say huh?#yugioh duel links #yugioh #duel links #duel links madness #so this what having a brainrot feels like #why is the lore of a free mobile game so deep wth Konami #keep doing it tho #it's very cool and epic #thanks to #cyberdragoninfinity #Fortuneangel #for the help and info

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