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hanjisick · 2 months

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chemical infatuation

genre. yandere au. patient!jisung x researcher!reader

desc. jisung takes part in a high-paying yet sketchy study with seemingly no risks, but the injection causes him to quickly grow obsessed with the daytime staff member assigned to his study.

warnings. needles. vomit. murder.

wc. 3.5k

“is it a bad time to tell you that i’m a little claustrophobic?” your patient, han jisung, nervously shifted in his seat, fiddling with the hem of his sweater.

“we have to keep you in this containment during our research.“

the containment room, with its dim lighting and cushioned walls, seemed to close in on him. the dimensions felt constricting, heightening the anxiety surging through his veins.

every inch of the space was under surveillance, every move to be meticulously scrutinized by the watchful eyes of researchers.

what a sketchy situation. but it was better than he had expected from a craigslist ad that he had chanced upon.

the snap of your rubber gloves pulled him away from his thoughts, “it isn’t too late to back out, we have a few more candidates willing to take your place.”

500 million won. that was enough for him to do anything.

“i’m fine. i’m ready.”

“alright then, pull your arm out of your sweater for me.”

“i have a tank top underneath.” the boy shuffled out of the sweater and placed it onto his lap.

“and as the paperwork says, you have no allergies, anaphylaxis, or any history of mental illness?”

“nope.”

he flinched as the cool alcohol pad met his bicep.

“the medication we are testing for you should not hurt you much as far as we are concerned,” you began prepping the needle and syringe, “the only side effects that we predict could be a minor headache for a couple of days. it is not dangerous.”

jisung closed his eyes as you squeezed his arm slightly, pushing the needle through his skin.

you gently placed the gauze onto his arm, “finished. how do you feel immediately?”

“normal. a little shaken up from nerves, but no problems. what do i do now?”

“you’ll be watched for a month. the only restrictions are that you aren’t allowed to leave this room or use any devices.”

the idea of isolation and confinement weighed a bit heavily on him, but he was determined to see it through.

you motion towards the mattress in the corner, “we will change your bedding twice throughout the month. let us know if you are uncomfortable with the temperature of the room, need extra bedding, or anything else.”

jisung nodded.

“let us know if you need to use the bathroom and we will temporarily disable the cameras for your privacy. but we will take urine samples if we deem it necessary.”

“and what about food?”

“you’ll be fed three meals per day, with two snacks.”

“thank you. that’s all i need to know,” he paused for a moment, “other than your name. what’s your name?”

“y/n l/n,” you gather your paperwork, “your personal belongings will be returned once we go through to make sure there is nothing that could alter our research.”

the door had closed and locked, leaving jisung alone in the room with just his thoughts to keep him company until his stuff was given back to him.

Beginning Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung feels nervous about receiving the injection. Administered at 16:38 with no noted side effects.

you watched the boy through the array of cameras placed strategically throughout the room as he lay on the mattress. his sweater was haphazardly discarded across the room, a seemingly small attempt to make himself more comfortable in the sterile, plain environment.

despite the initial nerves of a new medication, nothing had seemed to happen. at the fifteen-minute mark, you stepped away from the cameras for a moment— if there were to be a severe sudden reaction, it would have manifested by now, you reasoned.

throughout your shift, your attention continued to drift back to the screens displaying jisung’s every move. with each glance, you found him engaged in various activities—doodling, writing in a journal, or simply staring off into space, lost in thought.

nothing seemed to go wrong. perhaps this medication would be approved.

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate all of dinner and requested night snacks. He had slept well. No side effects were recorded.

you press the bright red button, lowering your mouth to the microphone.

“how is everything down there? any side effects?”

“y/n? is that you speaking?”

“yes,” you were surprised that the boy had remembered your name, “what are your symptoms?”

“you should come into the room to speak with me. i’m lonely here.”

“i have to record your symptoms. i can’t come down there unless i know that you’re stable.”

the microphone had only barely picked up his sigh. “i’m normal.”

“any headaches? dizziness? dry throat?”

“nope. nothing. everything’s fine. just lonely.”

you sigh. he seemed normal. he was lying in bed, staring up at one of the cameras.

so it was fine, right?

you push open the door, greeted by the grinning patient on his mattress.

“you smell nice. what products do you use?”

what an odd conversation starter. “nothing special. just a lavender-scented body wash.”

he nods. “the overnight staff were fine, but i think that i prefer you. i can’t put my finger on it quite yet.”

was jisung naturally this blunt with his words? or was he flirting with you?

“what do you plan to do during your stay here?”

he leans back against the cushioned wall, “i compose songs for artists. i figured that it would be easy to get a lot of work done in here.”

“i see. is that your songwriting journal then?” you eye the small black book and pen next to him.

he takes the pen into his hand, “yup. it’s one of the few things that i brought here.”

“you’ll have to show me some of your work sometime throughout the month.”

“you can look at my work now,” he grins, clicking the pen, “my name is HAN. look me up.”

the name stays in your mind as you exit the room and lock the door. you find your way back to your seat at the cameras to supervise the man, pulling your lunch out of your back.

one hand holds a sandwich as the other browses through safari, looking at the songs that your patient had composed.

you hadn’t heard any of them, but perhaps it would be a good idea to look into the lyrics. it would give you things to talk about with him for the following month.

the rest of the shift was boring. you watched as he wrote in his notebook, ate his food, hummed to himself— nothing interesting.

the most intriguing thing that you experienced was the occasional ‘help!’ button being pressed, only for the man to announce that he needed to take a piss.

your misery was ended once your coworker entered the room, placing his keys and bag down on the table.

a sigh of relief left you, “thank god. it’s so boring.”

“thanks for the warning.”

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate all of dinner and requested no night snack. Awoke at 01:00 and 03:00. Specified no reason for waking. Special request for morning staff: Deliver lavender-scented body wash.

your eyes stared down at the note with slightly widened eyes.

perhaps he had good intentions, perhaps your defenses were just too high. after all, he might just like the scent of lavender like you did.

“good morning. any headaches? dizziness? dry throat?”

“my arm is a little sore, and i’m a bit restless, but that is all.”

you record his answers— finally something to write down.

“i saw your request from last night. i’ll get a staff member to deliver your body wash. did you run out? i’m sure we gave you enough.”

“i still have some. i just wanted to try yours out.”

how strange.

“you’re coming down to see me today, right?”

“not today. i want to see if your symptoms worsen throughout the day. it’s best to be careful.”

you watch through the camera as he slumps back, visibly disappointed.

today, the boy had begun to act a little bit differently. every couple of minutes, he would stop his writing to look up at the camera.

you would hold eye contact with him for a few moments, even though he couldn’t see you before he would look back down again with a large grin that wasn’t on his face before.

soon, the bottle of body wash was delivered to his room.

“y/n! is that you?” he jumped out of bed as the lock clicked, only to be disappointed to see a man in a mask and gloves leave it right inside of the door.

he crept towards the bottle, snapping the lid off, holding it up to his nose, then inhaling deeply.

“it smells like you.”

you clenched your teeth, writing down the reactions.

walking over towards the center of the room, he peeled his t-shirt off his frame, then pulled down his sweatpants and boxers in one go.

you shrieked, slamming the buttons to disable the camera.

he was supposed to tell you when he needed privacy.

with shaky hands, you began to jot down his behaviors.

once ten minutes had passed, you turned the camera back on in hopes that he was decent again. this time, you had enabled the camera with caution, only to see that he was showering.

you disable it once again and decide that this would be a good time to have lunch.

the image of the naked man was etched into your mind as you tried to force the salad down your throat.

it was a good thirty minutes until you got the courage to turn the camera back on, sighing in relief as you saw him on his bed with sweatpants on once again.

jisung stared up at the ceiling with hooded eyes, chest rising and falling— you weren’t sure what was going through his mind.

you press the button. “everything alright in there?”

he perked up, “y/n, everything is just fine. i wish you were in here, though, instead of behind that stupid camera.”

you bite your lip uncomfortably, unsure of how to respond.

changing the subject would be best.

“lunch will be delivered soon.”

“good. i’m a bit hungry.”

you take your finger off of the button, sitting back in your seat, waiting for your shift to be over.

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate most of dinner and requested no night snack. Had difficulty falling and staying asleep. Awoke many times to journal. Refused conversation about his symptoms.

“y/n? you’re here, right? right?”

you had only just opened the door to the surveillance room, met with his muffled voice through the speakers.

“y/n? y/n? baby? my beautiful doll?”

the nickname caught you off guard, breath caught in your throat.

before answering, you grabbed the pen off the desk to jot down the behavior. this was not normal.

he stared directly into the camera. “i know you’re here. i journaled the minutes until he would leave and you would replace him.”

your legs shook as you took a seat.

why were you so nervous? it wasn’t like you were in danger. the door was locked. his body language did not seem hostile.

but his eyes told a different story. they were dark, crazed, restless.

“doll? can you hear me? can you hear me?”

your voice stuttered, “what are your symptoms?”

“i missed your voice, y/n.”

“any headaches? dizziness? dry throat?”

“none,” jisung answered quickly, “so you can come down and see me, right?”

you lied through your teeth. “not today. we are still a bit worried about yesterday’s symptoms.”

“fuck!” his forehead hit against the wall.

you took your finger away from the button.

he balled his hand into a fist before hurling it towards the same wall.

jisung crumbles to the floor. “i can’t take it anymore.”

“are you alright? are you in pain? do you need help?” you grasp your pen with an unsteady hand, “tell me what’s going on. talk to me.”

“i need to see you again, i waited all night just for you to tell me no.”

“it’s for the safety of you and myself.”

his voice was barely above a raspy whisper, “i promise i won’t hurt you, i’d never hurt you. i couldn’t hurt you.”

“jisung,” you started sternly, “i’m unable to see you. please abide by the rules of the study.”

“can’t i quit?”

“you signed a form stating that unless there is a medical emergency, you aren’t to leave this room. i’m quite not sure that you’re in your right state of mind right now.”

“i would be fine if you’d let me see you again.”

it was pointless to argue with the man, so you let go of the button, jotting down the conversation.

jisung did not eat, speak, or move from his spot that day.

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, no known medical problems

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate no dinner and requested no night snack. Did not sleep through the night. Refused conversation.

“doll, you’re back.” his raspy voice announced your presence just as you opened the door as if he was in the room with you.

on the camera, he was spread out in the middle of the floor like a starfish. his blonde hair covered his face, but you could still see the eye bags forming under his sunken eyes.

“i have a bit of a headache. i’m dizzy. my throat is dry,” he answered your questions for you, “will i get to see you today, doll?”

you were a bit afraid to answer, hesitating as you pressed the button, “i’m sorry. no.”

“but i will be able to see you after the study, right? after the study you’ll marry me, right?”

your heart dropped into your stomach at the words.

“i have a partner, jisung.”

“i know,” he smiled lightly, “it’s me. but soon i’ll be your husband, right?”

this was too much. you felt sick. you needed to alert the rest of the team and let someone else take over this case. hell, you might even quit your job.

“imagine you as han y/n. it sounds beautiful, doesn’t it?”

his crazed voice rang through your ears as you stood up from your seat.

“nobody else has ever made me feel this way, do you know that? all i want is you. and i’ve only seen you twice. isn’t that absurd? love is just so beautiful.”

his words caused you to still. you felt like a deer in headlights.

“do you think the shot is what made me crazy? because ever since we met eyes after you gave it to me, i couldn’t stop thinking about you. about your touch, even through the gloves. all of my songs have been about you. i even drew you.”

waves of nausea came crashing down on you.

“i can’t wait until i’m finally out of here. i can finally have you all to myself. i’ll kill that night staff for taking you away from me.”

jisung scoffed at the thought of him, “and he’s the one who gets the pleasure of passing by you every day? do you like him? i’ll gouge his eyes out and wear his skin if you like him more than me, hm?”

you raced towards the trash can in the corner of the room, stomach churning as your breakfast came right out of your mouth.

the smell was putrid, acidic, disgusting. but not as disgusting as the words of the sick man behind the camera.

“did you watch me shower, my love? i don’t mind if you did. your lavender body wash felt so good on my body, i imagined it was you in there with me, washing my body yourself—“

you ran out of the room, slamming the door behind you.

“he’s crazy! he’s gone mad!” you point towards the surveillance room, tears streaming down your face as you try to explain the situation to the nearest person that you can find.

“calm down. go to the break room. i’ll alert the rest and we’ll handle it.”

“you’ll be okay,” a staff member reassures, handing you a much-needed drink from the vending machine, “he won’t be able to escape. we will detain him and try to get him any help that we can.”

“even aside from how creepy he was, i just feel terrible, you know? i gave him that shot.”

“it isn’t your fault. he knew what he was getting into. we tried our best to determine the effects. there was no way of knowing.”

although he was right, guilt and horror still ate you up as you rested your head in your hands.

“this is why our job is important, so that only one person gets hurt instead of an entire population of people.”

“what a shitty job.”

he laughed as he got up, “tell me about it. i’m gonna go see what i can do to help. let us know if you need anything.”

the door closes and you lay your head down on the table, closing your eyes.

all you could think about was the man and his words.

‘i can’t wait until i’m finally out of here. i can finally have you all to myself. i’ll kill that night staff for taking you away from me.’

would he be able to leave? would he be able to get over this love sickness? is it reversible? nobody knew anything about it. the only thing that could be done is watching him.

it only seemed to get worse over the days, and you didn’t want to know what he would be like at the end of the month.

Overnight Notes

Han Jisung (Male)

23 years old, psychosis

Acterenol, Administered 16:38, 5/17/25.

Intramuscular, Upper Arm

Notes: Jisung ate no dinner and requested no night snack. Did not sleep through the night. Refused conversation aside from asking for previous staff, Y/N L/N.

you no longer worked with jisung. instead, you had been assigned to a new case.

“it isn’t too late to back out, we have a few more candidates willing to take your place.”

“i’m not nervous. go ahead and inject me, doctor,” the patient joked, pulling her sleeve up.

“and as the paperwork says, your only allergy is mild reaction to shellfish, but no anaphylaxis or any history of mental illness?”

“all correct.”

you were wiping her bicep with alcohol when the door had opened, screams piercing your ears from outside of the soundproof room.

“y/n?”

blood dripped onto the floor from his heaving form, eyes bloodshot and locked right on your form. in his hand, he held a loaded handgun, the smell of gun powder seeping into the room.

the patient in front of you screeched, immediately making a run for it before her brains were splattered across the room.

your ears rung from the shot, standing stalk still as jisung approached you.

everything was moving too quickly. you couldn’t process a single thing. your head was spinning. you needed to survive.

“please, i’ll do anything, don’t hurt me.”

“i told you. i won’t hurt you, i’d never hurt you. i couldn’t hurt you.” a bloody hand ran through your hair, taking advantage of your frozen figure.

“i can’t believe i’m so close to you right now.” his nose buried into your neck and you could feel the cold metal of the gun pressing against your back.

“they’re all dead. and you’re back.”

he dropped the gun to the floor, fishing through his pocket.

before you could register what was happening, jisung had already lodged a needle into your arm.

“sleep tight, my doll, i’ll get us out of here.”

690 notes · View notes

angelshadowsinger · 1 year

Text

Too Late (Priorities 2)

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Azriel x f!reader 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.1k 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐲: angst

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲:

Azriel hurries back from his mission to find you’re gone. (sequel to Priorities)

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞:

hiii guys! i originally intended on leaving Priorities an open-ended angst, but! y'all demanded part 2, so here it is~ just so you know, this is not happy. if i make a part 3, that might be! also, sorry this is a bit late. this last week was crazy busy and next week probably will be too. TW: very brief mention of vomit

･゜゜・．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇ: ʙʏ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴇʀᴛɪꜰʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ 18 ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴍɪɴᴏʀ. ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ. ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴅɪꜱᴄʀᴇᴛɪᴏɴ.

･゜゜・．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

The wind howled as Azriel pelted through the sky, his raw cheeks stinging from its relentless barrage. Scarred fists were clenched so hard the imprint of his fingernails marred his palms, jaw set as he grit his teeth and powered through exhaustion.

You were right.

The mission that Rhys had sent him on was nothing but a menial task. Any of the lower members of Azriel’s investigation force could have done the job the same as him. But ultimately, it was only himself he had to blame; even if his brother had given him the task, he had failed to pass it on to his espionage underlings. Delegation was perhaps one of his weakest skills— even after all these years he felt he had to earn his worth within his family.

Thankfully, he was already on his way home the evening after leaving, the ordeal taking not even a full day. And he was flying full-speed in order to get back to you as fast as he could.

His stomach had been in knots ever since he winnowed from his room at the Town House, where he had left you alone with your tears. The sound of your sobs echoed in his head, and he bit the inside of his cheek as he recalled your pleas for him to stay.

He should’ve listened— This mission was the last nail in the coffin he had been slowly building every time his brother had summoned him away from you, calling him to duty with barely any time to rest between requests, barely any time to hold you in his arms.

Gods, he missed you. Every time he had to leave you was like pulling teeth, his body and his shadows always begging to stay by your side, savor your kiss and your touch and your voice whispering sweet nothings in his ear. But his mind always won out. He couldn’t count how many times he had forced himself to withdraw from your ambrosial embrace, how many times he averted his sight from your melancholy gaze. If he allowed himself to linger on it, shame would begin to swirl in his guts and tighten his throat.

The border of Velaris came into view and the shadowsinger dared to smile, stopping on a tall plain to gather a few wildflowers together. A meager peace offering, but a gift to show his remorse nonetheless. He had never returned to you empty-handed after a fight, and would not begin now.

Azriel plucked a few more stems to fluff up the bouquet, silently preparing himself for the emotional turmoil that was bound to ensue. The things he felt for you terrified him— and maybe that was partly why he would always answer Rhys’ call. Because if he stayed, and told his brother no… that would be his recognition that you had become his top priority. Perhaps it was time to make that leap, he thought, as he winnowed right into the foyer of the townhouse.

The home was eerily silent as he materialized in the dark, no candles or faelight illuminating the first floor. The sound of the clock ticking caught his attention, hazel eyes glancing at the last hour of dusk. The Illyrian frowned, straining to hear you, hoping to pick up the clank of dishes in the sink, the crisp turn of a page from a book, or even the quiet breaths of your sleeping form from the couch you usually dozed off on when you waited up for his return. But he detected not a single sound.

Anxiety exploded in his chest, his shadows immediately surging out in every direction without needing instruction. His feet were moving before he could think, swiftly carrying him to the last place he had seen you— where he left you, falling apart and alone.

He cursed as he hurtled up the stairs, three steps with each stride. It was times like these that he especially wished you were his mate, so that he could reach out to you and calm the ceaseless concerns that regarded your well-being every second he was apart from you.

Rounding the corner, Azriel burst into his bedroom, eyes immediately zeroing in on the empty, made bed. Within a second, faelight lit the room. His shadows dwindled in the corners of the room, uncharacteristically mild as they slowly swirled at the floor, not reporting their findings to their master. Azriel bared his teeth at none of them in particular, but the reprimanding he was ready to bark out died in his throat as he noticed a small whirl of black lingering on the nightstand at his side of the bed.

He came closer to inspect it, the little mass of shadow concentrated there, some spilling down the drawers at the side and joining its gloomy brethren on the ground. With a wave of his hand it dissipated. The bouquet in his grip fell to the tile with a soft whoosh.

Your ring.

It felt as if he had been shot, the jolt of lethal pain akin to when he had taken an arrow to the chest in Hybern. His lips parted as he examined the delicate silver band, the large, tear-shaped sapphire that once gleamed so brightly now dull against the wood.

‘Stop wearing this the day you stop loving me,’ he had said, his arms around her as she giggled into his chest. She was giddy at his gift, kept admiring how it looked on her finger, her hand fanning out so the moonlight would catch the gem and shine.

‘That would be never, shadowsinger,’ she had replied easily.

He had never felt so light, so careless and content; she loved him too. She loved him, and he kissed her like she was the only thing that mattered.

Perhaps she was.

Azriel fell to the ground, his knees buckling and smashing onto the hard tile. He barely felt it, every fiber of him in shock as he stared at the piece of jewelry that lay on the tabletop, now at eye-level.

He barely heard his shadows inform him that the ring was the only piece of you in the home left, that your clothes and books and even that ugly throw pillow he hated was gone from the sofa. His wings slowly dipped until they pooled into a black mass on the floor behind him, dread oozing through him as he read the words that laid on the note beneath your ring.

I’ll never stop, even if you have.

The shadowsinger sat and stared at the ring, at those awful words. He read them again, and then he reread them, again and again.

He had told you he loved you before he left… But you didn’t believe him. And why should you, when all he gave you as of late were empty promises? Pretty words could only satisfy temporarily, and the latest string of seemingly-endless missions was longer than ever before.

Doubts began to fill his mind with malicious whispers, his gaze still stuck on the ring and that hideous note. They murmured the thoughts that often found him at the odd hours of the night, when he would lay with your perfect body in his arms and sleep would welcome you but evade him– that you deserved more than he could ever give you, that he was unworthy of your pure and whole love.

The sound of droplets splattering on the ground summoned Azriel from his descent into devastation, and his eyes slowly fell to examine the tiny pools his tears had formed beside his knees. He hadn’t realized he had started crying. He gingerly raised a scarred hand to his cheek, studying the newfound wetness on his fingertips. It had been so long since he last cried, the evidence of his emotion was foreign.

Shaky fingers plucked the ring from the nightstand, coming to hold the tiny finery in his lap. It looked so bizarre against the crude black of the leathers binding his thighs, so bright and pure that he couldn’t help but think of you. Couldn’t help but think of when he had seen you personified the same, and he himself as a mass of darkness that would bleed into your light and poison you somehow. He thought of how every time he felt that way, you had worked so hard to convince him that he deserved you and that he deserved love, that you were so happy to be the one to give it to him. More tears escaped as he now realized his failure in telling you the same. You had always been there for him, and when you had begged him for support in your time of need, he had failed you. He had run away.

And now you had erased all traces of yourself from the house Rhys had gifted him.

The town house had become Azriel’s official residence since his brothers had coupled off, and it had once been the fortress of his solitude. That was before he had found you, and before you had gradually moved your things in… before it had become a home. And now that it was void of you once more, it had suddenly reverted back to that empty, bleak place he had learned to hate.

A lump formed in his throat at the notion that perhaps this place had slowly transformed into your own prison of isolation these last few months. That maybe you had felt this sinking, desperate feeling when you were here, in the place that was meant to be your nest of love, your safe haven. That you had told him you were drowning here, and he had simply told you to wait for him when you were already exhausted, gasping out for him with your last breath. That when he had disregarded your desperate plea, he had effectively swung the sword and severed any faith you had left in him.

You were gone, and it was all his fault.

He was too late.

Nausea rolled deep in his gut and he winnowed in front of the toilet just in time before the contents of his stomach surfaced. Only once his body had heaved up everything it could did he begin to sob, knuckles pale as they clenched onto porcelain, his broad form slumped on the cool tile. Shadows swarmed the bath, mirroring their master’s distress.

Eventually the shadowsinger sat back against the nearest wall, trying to calm his ragged breath. The shadows produced the note that had been left behind, and the sight of your parting words to him nearly triggered another fit, bile rising at the back of his throat. But he paused as he read the words again, scrutinized them even though they were few and short. He sat up and analyzed the note, hazel revisiting and eating up every curve of ink.

You still loved him.

Even after he had ignored you, neglected you, failed you… you still loved him. Was there a chance that you… still wanted him? If he could repent and swear to do better, would you take him back? If he could just talk to you, if he could get one more chance from you… he could love you. He already did love you, but if he had another shot to be with you, then he could really give you his all, he could really allow himself to love you like he had always dreamt of. He could stand up to his brother, he could tell you how his world was meaningless without you, he could cherish you– prioritize you, he could…

Azriel frowned, a panicked hand combing through his dark hair.

Could he do all of that?

He had never been so outright with his emotions, it felt weak to bear his heart to such a degree… But what was the alternative? A life without you? A life filled with wondering what could have been had he not been a coward that was too scared to tell you how he really felt, too scared to even try?

If there was a time to be brave, it was now.

He was absolutely terrified, but his resolve was steel as he took a minute to fix himself, another to grab the flowers from the ground and ensure he had your ring. And then he was off in search of you, shadows enveloping him and melting into the night.

･゜゜・．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel fanfic #acotar fic #acotar fanfiction #acotar angst #acotar x you #acotar x reader #azriel angst #my work #angelshadowsinger

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yujisgirl · 6 months

Text

NEED more yuji friends istg

dont even know how tumblr works but i have multiple jjk imagines and drabbles written down (w my friends)...

anyway thinking about yuji sb and I have zero yuji stan friends so ill vomit it all over here </33

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

just wanna say hes the type of guy who would fuck while walking. like if you want water or something he would keep you on his cock and carry you to the kitchen istg he really does have abandonment issues with your cunt

"Yuji, let me drink ffs"

" :(( sorry babe you just feel so good, i don wanna let go"

and if you get tired he'd just hold you up with his own body

he'll b like <3 babe lets try different positions until we find the right one , and its just him fucking you over and over again. it’ll be the same sex position you’d tried just a few mins ago and when you point it out he'd be like :(( sorry i forgot

he definitely has a high sex drive

hes happy? fuck

hes sad? fuck

hes angry? fuck

hes bored? fuck

hes just plain obsessed with your cunt

he would also live in your boobs 24/7

like even if hes just scrolling on his phone his head HAS to be between your boobs

at first i thought his favourite position would be doggy style cus yk ass and all but imo he would also love riding just so he can latch his mouth on your boob the whole time

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

btw this isnt how i normally write 😭 im too horny to make it all pretty n all but I SWEAR i write longer and more precise stuff than this, im just testing this out

#jjk smut #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #yuji x reader #yuji itadori #yuji x reader smut #itadori x reader #itadori smut #itadori x reader smut #yuji itadori x reader #yuji smut #yuji itadori smut

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illdowhatiwantthanks · 1 month

Text

The Kidney Bean & The Grape (The Surprise, Part 3)

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: emetophobia (nothing graphic, but characters discuss morning sickness), mostly fluff, established relationship, pregnancy times, some explicit language Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: Weeks 8 & 9 of your pregnancy are underway. Morning sickness has hit you like a freight train and you're feeling sick and gross and weak. Thankfully, Emily is always there by your side.

Week 8: The Kidney Bean

You slumped into the wall next to the toilet, shaking, a thin coating of sweat covering your face. You were so tired, so tired, of throwing up. You’d read that not all pregnant people experienced morning sickness, and that not all of the ones who did puked, and not all the ones who puked did so on a daily basis. You sent a silent fuck you into the ether to all those people.

Emily crept into the bathroom, a cup of ice chips and your favorite tiny spoon in hand. “Oh, honey,” she said, looking at you with the most pitiful, helpless expression you’d ever seen. Your hunched, exhausted body broke her heart.

You groaned and leaned your head against the tiled wall, trying to breathe steadily as waves of nausea coursed through you.

Emily grabbed a washrag from under the sink, running it under the faucet and squeezing out the excess. She folded it carefully, then sat down on the floor next to you, placing the cool rag gently on the back of your neck. She played with the messy strands of hair at your nape as she held the washrag in place.

“You think you can manage some ice chips?” she asked quietly. You thought for a moment before nodding.

You sat up and reached to grab the cup from her, your hand grazing one of your breasts. A searing, rhythmic pain shot through your body, and you doubled over, clutching your chest.

“Ow! Fuck!” you yelled, bursting immediately and uncontrollably into tears. Pain and nausea and hormones coursed through you like tributaries of some awful, body-wide river. Yet another thing you hated about being pregnant.

“What!? What happened!? Are you okay!?” Emily asked, scanning your body for harm.

You leaned into her, and she wrapped her arms protectively around your shaking body. You could count on one hand the number of times in your adult life that you’d full-on sobbed–until the last two weeks. Now you’d need at least four or five hands.

“I–” you gasped, gulping in great breaths of air as tears streamed down your face. “I hit my boob when I reached for the ice!” It would be funny if you weren’t so pitiful, if you hadn’t been nauseated and in pain for eight days straight now. The knowledge that it could and likely would last for months made you physically ill.

Emily shushed you and held your face to her chest as you cried. She knew that you’d both made the decision that you would carry. And that it was a smart decision–you were younger than her, your career was less demanding and unpredictable, and you worked from home. But at this moment? She wished with everything in her that it was her body and not yours going through all this.

As Emily rocked you, she felt like crying, too, even though this wasn’t hard for her, at least not like it was for you. It was easy to hold you when you cried. Easy to be there for you, to comfort you. To bring you plain toast and ice chips and to hand wash your tiny spoon so it was always ready. It was easy to hold back your hair while you vomited, to scrub the toilet every night so it’d be clean when you got up in the morning.

This was the hard part: watching you struggle, watching your body go through absolute hell, and not being able to do a thing about it. Somehow it was worse because you’d chosen to do it. For her. For the both of you, so that you could start a family. Emily had never realized what an immense sacrifice it was to grow a baby. You’d sacrificed your body, your time, your comfort, everything, to house this little human. It was humbling to watch.

When your sobs quieted to the occasional sniffle, she started running her fingers through your hair, matching the rhythm to your breath–or maybe it was the other way around.

“I’m so sorry you feel so bad, honey,” Emily said, her mouth pressed to the side of your head, trying to convey all the love and empathy and admiration she held for you. “Thank you for doing all this. For me and for us and for the little kidney bean. You’re amazing.”

You sat up, slowly reaching to grab the cup of ice chips.

“I thought we were calling her the blueberry?” you said, your voice still wavering, as you pressed the cool spoon experimentally to your lips.

Emily rubbed your back in gentle circles, her fingers cool and soothing from holding the ice chips. “Last week he was a blueberry. This week he’s the size of a kidney bean.”

You scrunched your eyebrows in thought, your hair a hornet’s nest, tiny little spoon poking out of your mouth. Emily beamed at you. Even now, when you felt your absolute shittiest, you were the most adorable person she’d ever clapped eyes on.

“So we’re just gonna change her nickname every week?”

“I mean, I am,” Emily decided, scooping a piece of ice out of your cup and crunching it in her mouth. “It helps me remember how big he is.”

You sighed, placing a gentle, protective hand over your stomach. Minus the puking and the insane hormones, it was still hard to believe there was a little human inside of you.

“You’re giving me a lot of shit, bean,” you said, directing your voice to your stomach. “You better be really cute.”

Emily leaned her head against your shoulder. “He’s made of you,” she observed. “How could he not be?”

You looked at her, feeling tears prickle at your eyes again. You huffed, sniffling and attempting to suck the tears back into your body.

“Ugh, stop being so romantic!” you exclaimed, smiling and wiping away a few rogue tears. You took her hand in yours, letting out a deep, shaky breath. “If you keep that up, I’ll never stop crying.”

“Anything for you,” she acquiesced. And you knew she meant it. She really would do anything for you. She’d go to the ends of the earth for you.

“Anything?”

“Mmhm,” she nodded.

“Even Ritz crackers?”

She laughed and kissed the side of your head before pushing herself to her feet. “One plate of Ritz crackers, coming right up.”

“My hero!” you called after her. And you meant it.

Week 9: The Grape

You wrestled against the apple slicer, standing on tiptoes to try to get enough leverage to break through. You were unreasonably angry at how much you were struggling. Leverage was usually an issue–you were short. But now your arms were weak and achy, too, like they were made of rubber.

Emily walked through the door, dropping her bag by the entryway and smiling at your struggling, tiptoed form.

“Need some help?” she asked, wrapping her arms around you from behind and kissing you on the cheek.

“No,” you huffed.

She raised her eyebrows at you.

You sighed. “Yes.”

“That’s what I thought,” she gloated, planting tiny, fluttering kisses all over your face and neck until you were giggling and your frustration had dissipated.

Emily maneuvered your body around so she could place her hands on either side of your face. She stared into your eyes for a moment before leaning down to kiss you. You didn’t know what she’d seen at work that day, what kind of gruesome, perverted crimes she was dealing with, but whatever it was, you could feel the stress of it, the darkness, seeping off and away as she relaxed into you. She kissed you eagerly, earnestly, as if you were a cool body of water after a long, dry journey.

When you ran out of air, you pulled away and pressed your head into her chest, wrapping your arms tightly around her. She exhaled heavily and carefully cradled the back of your head, resting her chin on top.

“You’re really great to come home to, you know that?” she told you, her voice vibrating around you as you hugged her.

“You want to talk about it?” you asked quietly, pulling away to look her in the eyes.

She shook her head. “No, not yet.”

You nodded and squeezed her hand. You wouldn’t push her to tell you, you never did. But she knew you were there to listen when she was ready to talk.

“Alright, let’s get you your snack,” she said, clearly wanting to move away from thinking about work.

You opened a cabinet, standing on tiptoes again to try and reach a jar of peanut butter.

“Hey,” Emily chastised, grasping at your reaching hand and squeezing it. “You go sit down. I’ll get it.”

“I can get my own snack, Emily,” you protested. You knew you were going to have to be less independent during your pregnancy, and it was a hard transition for you to make. You didn’t like depending on people, even Emily, though you were getting better about it the longer you were in a relationship with her.

“I know you can,” she said, pressing down the apple slicer as if it was nothing but a stapler. “But I like to take care of my wife.”

You couldn’t help but smile, blushing a little, as Emily peeled off one of the apple slices and popped it in your mouth.

“Now go sit down,” she ordered, playfully smacking your ass. You rolled your eyes but did as you were told. “Why don’t you queue up one of those animated shows you like so much? I’m not done with She-Ra yet, am I?”

Your face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Really!?”

She chuckled. “Yeah, of course. I gotta find out if they finally kiss.” She stared at you pointedly. “It seems like they should, right?” She was always trying to get you to reveal plot spoilers, and you were so gullible you often fell for it.

You raised your hands and shook your head as you plopped down on your corner of the couch.

“Listen, I’ll neither confirm nor deny any Sapphic plotlines.”

“Asshole,” she called, spooning peanut butter onto a plate with the apples.

She walked over to you, plate in hand, and sat down on the couch, raising her hands in the air so you could get into your normal TV-watching position.

You’d been embarrassed at first by how much you loved your head in Emily’s lap, how comfortable and safe it made you feel. For months when you’d first started dating, you’d always wait for her to pull you into her, breathing a sigh of relief when she finally did. Until one day, she’d sat down on the couch, lifted up her arms and said, “Come on, get in your spot.”

You rested your head in her lap, relishing the weight of her arms as she lowered them. You pressed play on She-Ra, and Emily passed you an apple slice dipped in peanut butter. You crunched happily. This was a good night for you. Your favorite show. Your favorite snack. Your favorite person. Almost no nausea!

Between apple slices, Emily ran her fingers through your hair. You hadn’t felt so relaxed in weeks. So relaxed you could almost…

“Hey,” Emily prompted, holding out an apple slice, but you didn’t answer. She looked down and brushed your hair out of your eyes to find you sound asleep. She smiled softly and ate the apple slice herself.

Emily loved watching you sleep. You always slept curled, your fist resting next to your face like a baby whose thumb had slipped out of its mouth in the middle of the night. She wondered briefly if the baby would sleep like that, too, and the thought gave her butterflies. She paused the show, knowing you’d be sad later if she watched it without you–you liked to watch her watch.

She scrolled through shows and movies, but finally gave up. All she wanted to watch was you. Her heart melted as you tensed and stretched a little in your sleep, your hand wrapping protectively around your stomach. She knew she should get up, should move you to the bed. She knew that once you got there, you’d curl right back into her. That she would wrap her arms tightly around you and bury her head in your neck and hold you and the baby. She’d hold you both so close, so careful and secure, and she’d sleep well knowing you were there next to her.

There was only one person in the world she trusted to keep her family safe, and that was her. Soon, she’d move you to the bedroom. Soon, she’d turn off the lights and arm the alarms and crawl into bed next to the love of her life and her unborn child. But for now–she just wanted to watch you, your hair through her fingers and the sound of your breathing grounding her to all that was good in the world.

#emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x fem!reader #emily prentiss drabble #emily prentiss fluff #emily prentiss fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #hurt/comfort

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toruskiii · 2 months

Text

I got you.

Synopsis: reluctantly going to a party, you're offered a drink by a persistent creep despite your refusal. But no worries, your best friend is there to help.

Genre: fluff (modern au!)

Character: Best friend!Blade x gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, tension between you and Blade, partying, all characters mentioned here are as of age. Blade takes a hit (drink) for you lol. Reader wears heels.

Edit: holy shit I wrote this before I played hsr so this is very ooc whoops

[masterlist] [about me]

Both you and Blade were not ones to attend parties regularly. Instead, both of you often preferred the tranquility of your own dorm or the serene sounds of nature and music, rather than the cacophony of loud, unpleasant remixes of popular songs or the aroma of cigarettes and alcohol.

Despite the constant pleas from both Kafka and Silver Wolf for you and Blade to "live a little" and "socialize," the two of you reluctantly agreed. As soon as you both stepped foot into the party, the overpowering smell of alcohol and the unmistakable odor of someone's vomit assaulted your senses, causing you to cringe slightly.

"Oh god, this smells awful," you muttered to Blade, who nodded with a furrowed brow in agreement.

"Can we leave?" He glanced at the plastic red cups littering the floor, expressing his dissatisfaction with a grunt when someone accidentally bumped into him while walking past.

"We did promise Kafka and Silver Wolf we'd come. We can't back out now," you shrugged, feeling uncomfortable amid the overcrowded gathering.

"I'm gonna go and look for Kafka," you sighed, giving Blade's shoulder a gentle nudge. "Care to join?"

"I'll just stand in a corner," he replied, his expression deadpan as he surveyed the scene of inebriated youths. His hands instinctively delved into his pockets, retrieving his phone. "I'd rather not hunt them down either, or they'll rope me into playing pool or some other nonsense."

With a pout, you rolled your eyes and ventured into the sea of people. Navigating through, you murmured small apologies each time you bumped into someone.

The shitty TikTok blue lights only made it worse, casting an eerie glow and making it harder to avoid the random liquids (that you really hoped weren't more vomit or some other disgusting shit) on the floor.

"Where the hell are they?" you muttered to yourself, feeling increasingly lost in the chaotic party scene. Somehow, you stumbled your way into the host's kitchen, hoping for a moment of respite.

As you pondered your next move, someone tapped your shoulder, jolting you out of your thoughts. "Huh— Kafka— oh," you began, turning around to find yourself face to face with a stranger you've never encountered before. Arching an eyebrow, you tilted your head inquisitively. "Can I...help you?"

"Oh, my apologies. I didn't mean to startle you," the guy offered a small smile, shaking his head in understanding. You took note of his wavy brown locks and the plain button-up he wore, but your focus remained on finding your friends rather than anything else. "Are you looking for something? You seem lost."

Feeling a tad embarrassed, you chuckled nervously. "Oh, uh... I'm just trying to find my friends. Um... Kafka and Silver Wolf, you know them?"

"Ah, those two. I think I saw them at the ping pong table in the backyard," he replied.

"Thanks," you nodded dryly, averting your gaze. Just as you were about to leave, he spoke once again.

"Drink?" he smirked, holding out a cup of what you assumed was beer or something.

"I don't drink," you waved him off, feeling a little uncomfortable now as he pushed the cup towards you. "I'm not into alcohol, dude."

"That's a shame. It tastes good," he remarked, letting out a huff as he continued to hold out the drink to you. "It's actually a good thing to be able to tolerate alcohol, you know? It's useful for business parties and making friends."

You frowned, staring at him skeptically and then at the cup with uncertainty. Were you easily persuaded? No. But the way he was yapping right now made you feel the urge to just drink it and get it over with. However, you weren't foolish enough to do something so reckless. "I never said I had a bad tolerance, I just said I'm not into alcohol."

"Just a sip wouldn't hurt—" the man persisted, but before he could finish his sentence, a low voice interrupted.

"Thanks for the drink."

A chill ran down your spine as a hand appeared behind you, swiftly grabbing the drink from your shoulder. It then looped around your neck, pulling you into a loose chokehold. Your eyes widened in recognition and apprehension as you realized who it was.

"Blade—?" you gasped, feeling a mixture of surprise and annoyance as he continued to hold you in his grasp. His red eyes narrowed into a menacing glare, causing the other man to back off with a mumbled excuse as he hastily left the kitchen, leaving you and Blade alone.

"What the hell are you doing here? I thought you said you were gonna stand in a corner," you whined, lightly tapping Blade's arm to prompt him to release you. He simply shrugged, rolling his eyes before letting go and raising the cup to his lips.

"I was trying to find the toilet until I saw a shit-stained towel in the tub and lipstick smudges on the damn toilet lid. Lost my urge to pee," he grunted, taking a sip from the cup.

"Wait, don't drink that—" you nagged, suddenly worried that the drink might contain something harmful. But before you could finish, Blade turned around and spat out the drink into the sink, coughing in disgust. "Oh my god."

"Did he fucking pour apple cider vinegar in here? This tastes like shit!" Blade groaned, clicking his tongue in annoyance as he hurled the cup into the sink. "He sucks at hooking up ladies if he hands out godforsaken drinks like these."

"Stupid," you muttered, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration as you rummaged through the kitchen, searching for a glass of water for Blade. "I thought you hated drinking. Why on earth did you do that?"

Blade wiped his mouth, turning on the tap to rinse his mouth with water. "Figured that if the drink did contain drugs, I'd be the best subject to test it on," he muttered, offering you a silent thanks as you handed him the glass of water.

"That's dangerous," you frowned, crossing your arms and watching him run a hand through his hair as he drank the water.

"I didn't want to risk you getting drugged either," he added quietly.

A moment of silence enveloped the kitchen, interrupted only by the corny music blaring in the background as the lights gradually faded to a deep red hue.

The two of you stood in the kitchen, with Blade hovering over the sink and you leaning against the counter, savoring the rare moments of tranquility.

Lost in your own thoughts, you zoned out, gazing downward and fixating on nothing in particular, longing for nothing more than to be back home.

Meanwhile, Blade stole glances at you from the corner of his eyes, his expression unreadable amidst the dimly lit ambiance.

"Let's just go home," he suddenly blurted out, swiftly washing the cup and stowing it away. "Screw those two."

You lifted your head to look at him, uncrossing your arms in agreement. "Yeah," you mumbled, feeling a wave of relief wash over you at the suggestion.

He noticed your discomfort, his gaze drifting down to the outfit you wore and the heels on your feet. "They hurt?" he asked, his voice barely audible over the blaring speakers.

Confusion clouded your expression as you struggled to hear him amidst the loud music. He sighed, gesturing towards your heels. "Your heels. Are they hurting your feet?" he repeated, more insistently this time. When you still didn't catch on, he groaned and suddenly dropped to his knees, his hands gently brushing against your calves as he lifted one foot.

"What the fuck—" you began, startled by his sudden action, your eyes widening in disbelief. "Blade!"

"Take 'em off," he mumbled, his voice softer now as he noticed a small bruise on the back of your ankle, evidence of the discomfort caused by your tight shoes.

"Dumbass! I'm not stepping out of here barefoot with all that disgusting shit on the floor!" you yelled, feeling your cheeks flush with embarrassment at the sight of him down on his knees for you. Your hands tightened their grip on the counter as you watched him slide off your heels.

"I'll carry you then," he retorted, his tone determined as he lifted you by the hips, effortlessly settling you on the counter so your feet wouldn't touch the grimy floor.

"You—" you began to retaliate, but your words fell silent as you were rendered speechless by his offer. "You..."

"C'mon," he urged, pursing his lips as he turned around, positioning himself for you to piggyback him. "You better get on before I change my mind. You know I don't do favors like this," he sneered, his tone teasing yet firm.

You gulped, feeling a mixture of nerves and gratitude as your hands trembled while gripping onto his shoulders. With shaky breaths, you wrapped your legs around his waist as you felt his hands slide under your thighs to support you, letting out a grunt of effort.

"...am I not heavy?" you whispered, your breath grazing the shell of his ear.

He shook his head, standing up straight now. The scent of his cologne somehow managed to calm your nerves as you rested your head against his shoulder, finding comfort in his embrace.

"No. I literally bench double your weight," he reassured you.

"No need to flex."

He piggybacked you through the crowd, disregarding the stares directed at him, while you felt awkward and embarrassed under the attention. He couldn't care less, knowing that most of the crowd was either too drunk to remember or too preoccupied with their own activities.

"Next time, just stay by my side," he whispered, finally stepping outside of the party.

"Mm...yeah, yeah," you yawned, your voice muffled by the softness of his jacket. "Thanks."

"And don't chug down the drinks next time."

"Yeah, yeah."

#honkai star rail #hsr fluff #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #blade x reader #hsr blade #blade x you #blade x gender neutral reader #hsr x gender neutral reader

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satoruhour · 9 months

Note

geto and reader sneaking out from jujutsu high school

have good day/night ! :)

a/n: apparently geto doesn’t have a least fav food bc he consumes curses so often that he’s content to eat anything. sigh. / 1.7k ☆ / @crysugu @lvlybee @na-t0

“nah, you’re lying.” it wasn’t peculiar for geto to hang out in your room after classes (if you could even call them that with gojo usually interrupting them or him getting called out of class to complete a mission). it’d be left with the two of you, and while shoko is not opposed to participating in the (vastly different) insanity you two would usually bring, she prefers to watch from the sidelines with a burning, shortening cigarette and an amused smile.

“like i— for one, love pineapples on pizza and, cherry tomatoes, but i just hate it when they don’t choose the right ones, you know?” geto leaves you to ramble until you realise your voice is simply countered by low hums and nods, “you don’t have any food you hate, do you?” you sit up on your bed after a long time of quelling the loud beats of your heart, looking incredulously at him still lying down, long legs going past the footboard, long hair and all. it grows faster in the summer, you realise — jet black hair that flows like a blackened river right down to his nape — and you find you’ve noted it down in your head a bit too often.

the repetitive memory is paired with reminders to give him the silly star clip you found at a corner side store and plain black hair ties (you steal them sometimes, he doesn’t ask for you to return it). it all but muddles your focus, these thoughts, all because you find it terribly difficult to look away from geto suguru’s unprecedented beauty. the graceful slant of his eyebrows to his hair, right down to the stubborn strands of feelers on the left side of his face that won’t stay in his bun—

“i’m not lying; i really don’t,” the dark-haired sorcerer laughs breathlessly, and he doesn’t notice your daze or the way you jerk at his chortle. his eyes come to rest on you, looking soft and gentle, a gaze even he doesn’t give gojo, and you think he looks the prettiest when his spread out locks converge as he sits up to rest on his elbows.

but besides the warmth of these domestic scenes through rose-coloured glasses, you can make out the underlying sorrow that pools beneath the light-hearted laugh. sometimes you can feel its heaviness, weighing suguru down more than it could ever do to you, and though he’s never lets you in, you had an inkling on what exactly tears at his mind.

it’s how every curse geto exorcises ends up in him, tainting his system with the harrowing taste similar to a rag that’s used to wipe up vomit and feces. it’s how he stifles gags each time a mission is completed, swallowing the curse with scrunched up eyes and a permanent frown. it’s how he’s ingested curses so much that he would be content with any type of food.

“then… let’s go out and find what food you hate then. process of elimination,” you offer softly with a giggle, pushing his legs off your bed before getting up yourself and stretching your limbs. it was late afternoon after all, causing the room to bathe in a general laziness and orange hues to prepare for sunset. you pull on his pants, leaning over him that teases the line between love and friendship.

geto mumbles, “like… right now? don’t we have a meeting with yaga-sensei soon?” and you’re prepared to get rejected with that reason (“oh shit, i forgot—”) until he takes your hand in his and surprising you with the idea that he’d disobey authority for a stupid idea of yours. he thumbs the back of your palm like he’s done it a million times before — c’mon, he says, and then the walk out is silent, hand loosely clasped in his as he skillfully manoeuvres through the traditional architecture of jujutsu high so well you’re convinced he skips classes.

it’s like you undo the tiring climb up the foothills of mount mushiro when you’ve finished an early morning mission, feeling the tug of geto’s hand on yours. it feels like it goes on forever too, but you bask in his occasional turns to look at you to check if you were still there: as if your hand in his isn’t enough, as if you were a reverie in his eyes, as if he didn’t have the sun in palm of his hand, in all her glory in this late, blinding glow. there’s a familiar manifestation of a stingray about three quarters through, the little creature floating beneath suguru’s hand.

“won’t you get caught by the school?” you laugh, but you climb onto it anyway — there’s a small humming sound that emerges from the curse and your stroking, ghosting hand only draws more pleased exclamations from the stingray.

it’s here where he sees how his akaei reacts to your touch and voice that geto thinks maybe collecting curses isn’t so bad. it’s on days like this where he think it might be worth it if little moments like this could clear the tainted, blurry cataract that mixes up who he should be protecting in this fucked up world.

the akaei jerks you forward and you let out a little yelp, face resting just inches from suguru as you clutch onto a fin of the creature — geto swears he hears a cackle from the curse and simply clears his throat, ignoring the pounding of his heart and the way he could smell cherry lip gloss on you. he wouldn’t put it past you to get cherry tomato flavoured lip gloss, but he imagines no matter how much you liked the vegetable (fruit?), you probably wouldn’t be putting that on your lips.

“shall we go?”

beyond the school, he realises he’s not sure where you want to take him and he dispels the curse, already thinking of the lecture he’d get but instead he’s allowing you to drag him out of the heavy foliage and into the humble shops lining the bustling town. with this, geto is able to see your person without feeling like his heart is going to burst out of his chest, pushing down words that he wasn’t sure you’d reciprocate whenever you turned around to point out the stores you would frequent.

and geto certainly is able to get that little piece of heaven and normalcy that he craves, letting someone he cherishes pull him through throngs of people to find his least favourite item, just because. he lets you sift through convenience stores and family businesses, eating with the unforgivable rays of the setting sun dancing through your features and his bowl of wanton noodles at the chinese shophouse that it convinces him any type of food could be his favourite as long as you’re stuffing your face with waffles or initiating a brain freeze with a 7-eleven slurpee.

and years later, geto somehow still has a bit of trouble categorising foods into ‘favourites’ and ‘non-favourites’, a sorting system that’s black and white, years later. he much rather place (almost) all of them in the grey simply because experiencing dessert and starters and main courses now with your mere presence was enough to make everything delicious against his repulsive palate.

“still thinking?” geto’s thoughts are interrupted by you as you call from across the table, a hand reaching out to hold his.

he only nods with a languid smile, reminiscent of the mornings when that’s all he has energy for — and except maybe your teasing and lovesick voice. he’d have all the energy for that. “i’ll have what you’re having.”

you giggle, “again? okay… don’t blame me if you spit out the escargots like you did on our last date.”

geto stifles a laugh and only sends the confused waiter off with both of your menus and soon he’s pulling lightly on your hand and he makes you burst out laughing like he usually does, “what did you order again?”

the food turned out… mediocre to say the least. for such a renowned restaurant, you’d expect phenomenal tastes and combinations, except they were overrated too much by critics with only the plating to praise — but still, the night doesn’t end when the bill is hastily paid and geto buries you in his embrace.

“coat’s warm,” you smile. it’s the winter, he’s got you engulfed in his large coat as your nose crinkles at the snow brushing upon your cheek — unbeknownst to you, you wouldn’t have this reality in another universe where christmas was so near — but you would die before you let geto slip from your grasp again. you hoped it would be like this for every other time someone such a yourself crosses path with a certain dark-haired, lovely and kind person like geto suguru: in love, holding his heart in your hands, like sending out a message (“i’ve got him — have you?”) to all the you’s in every other realm.

“what do you say we finish the leftover pizza in the fridge?” his grin is blinding, something you never thought you’d see past high-school, but slowly, you’ve picked up the pieces and cleaned off its rough edges. you’ve polished them and melded them back together bit by bit. in the 55 by 63 refrigerator at your small shared dorm in your alma mater, all of geto’s pineapples were littered messily over your side of the dough, ingraining that dramaticized display of how, to geto, pineapple on pizza tasted worse than swallowing curses.

though, it was one of the favourite foods he’s developed a taste for after eating it with you a few times. sure, he at first hated the sweetness that contrasted with the saltiness of the dough, although seeing the fullness of your cheeks and how well you ate; it was simply that, that made him love it — but he’d never tell you that, not while you also loved it, because if anything meant more than his rediscovered love for food, it was your love for the same exact things that would make him order all the hawaiians in the world.

as geto’s lips meet with yours (smelling like cherry tomato lip gloss, he stands corrected!), he thinks that lecture and temporary suspension from his old teacher was worth all the days spent with you — pineapples and (right) cherry tomatoes and all.

#anon #asks #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk fluff #jjk x you #jjk drabbles #suguru geto x reader #suguru geto #geto fluff #geto x reader #geto suguru fluff #geto suguru x you #geto x you #jjk geto #geto suguru x reader #getou fluff

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starry-eyes-love · 6 months

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Marriage Dynamics- Relaxin' is Hard Work

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

Pairings: Husband Joel Miller x F!Reader (18+ Minors DNI) AU, No outbreak

Summary | Joel takes the day off to spend it with you. You take him to a salon for a couples pedicure and massage, but somehow your wires get crossed and instead of spending the afternoon relaxing, you spend the afternoon working on improving communication in your marriage. Reader mentions she's pregnant, but is too scared to admit it to her husband. Joel eventually figures it out.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI. Husband and wife marriage dynamics, age gap (he's 52 and she's 37), language, light smut (reader gets handsy in public), Joel whimpers at her touching him (it needs its own warning), arguments with angst at times, reader berates herself, descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks, reader over thinks things (a lot), terms of endearment used (baby, babe, honey, mama, Angel, etc.), slight flirtatious behavior (what can I say, Joel loves his wife), Joel tickles his wife (it needs its own warning), fluffy parts sprinkled in here and there, reference and descriptions of pregnancy, references to unplanned pregnancy, female reader briefly mentions past abuse with father (yet no in-depth specifics are given), mentions of body issues and body descriptions, mentions of feeling ill (female reader gets sick and vomits in garbage can). Think I got them all. Enjoy :)

Word Count: 6.1k

“Ok sexy mama, I'll get my toes painted” he commented, while reaching down and tickling your belly to hear you laugh some more. You started squealing and squirming as he tickled your stomach, a ticklish spot you had. Joel loved to hear you squeal and break out in a fit of laughter. The more he heard it the more his heart swelled large in his chest and the tighter his pants got in the front. It had been a long time since…

Joel stood there next to you at the counter glancing over all the items that were there, thinking to himself, why do I get myself in these predicaments with her? Here he was taking the day off from work to spend it with you, something that doesn't happen very often. You promised him a fun, relaxing day together. However, as he watched you pay for a couples massage and pedicure, he thought this is not my idea of fun nor relaxin’.

Earlier that Day

"Darlin', I'm not sure about this," he said as you pulled up to the salon.

"Come on Joel, you're always griping about how your back and feet hurt. Now you can take care of them," you replied while parking the car.

You watched him rub the back of his neck awkwardly saying "I know baby, but me, a pedicure? I mean come on, I thought we were gonna do something fun.”

"Joel, you're gonna love it, trust me.”

Joel just glared at you as he slowly ground his teeth while releasing a long exhale. He was trying to figure out how he could get out of doing this.

“Babe, you'll really relax doing this.” You said, trying to get him to see reason.

“No I won't Angel. This-” Joel said, waving his hand towards the salon, “is just plain silly. Sure for you it's fun and relaxin’, but for me, it's just silly. If the guys at the construction site ever saw this-”

“The guys at the construction site, is that what you're really concerned about? The guys?”

“Babe, you don't understand.”

“Yeah I get it Joel. God forbid you spend a day with your wife doing something relaxing. How embarrassing that would be for you.” You replied, letting anger seep into your words.

Joel let out a frustrated sigh saying “Nevermind, ya don't understand.”

You instantly felt a sting of jealousy at his concern, that being seen with his wife would cause him extreme discomfort. Joel hardly saw you anymore, and he never had a problem doing this stuff with you in the past. In a defeated tone you said, “Fine Joel, I get it. This is silly. But babe, we don't get to spend any time together.”

“And you thought that this was the best way to do it? A damn pedicure? Where the hell does this say ‘Joel Miller would love this,’ huh?” You watched him shake his head and look out the passenger window frustrated.

You felt your internal walls go up, wanting to shut down. To close yourself off from people who hurt you. You wanted to retreat back into the darkness of your mind, not allow anyone in again. You've struggled in life for far too long with this concept of not allowing others in. Joel was the only man who could break down those walls, and now you were struggling not to push him out.

In the past Joel used to do fun little things like this with you, even if they were silly. Hell, he was the first person to introduce you to the world of pedicures and massages when he dated you. It was the best activity the two of you could do with his young preteen daughter when he couldn't find a babysitter. You never minded back then as you just wanted to spend time with your boyfriend. You remember one time you were a little hesitant and Joel eased your nerves by saying ‘Come on darlin.' It doesn't matter what the guys at the construction site or anyone else says. I wanna spend time with you. I know this seems silly, but it'll be relaxin’. I can promise you that, so trust me.’ You found yourself repeating those exact same words to Joel now, begging with your eyes for him to remember.

“Honey, that's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard as to why we should do this. Whoever said that to you was a liar and an idiot” he told you, shaking his head and laughing hard. You quickly looked away and felt the red hot burn in the back of your throat start. He didn't remember his time with you.

Joel had hardly been home for the past year. His business, Miller Contracting, signed the biggest contract in history about a year ago out of town. Joel was making a large amount of money, his business skyrocketing almost overnight after years of struggle. You, being his wife, were so proud of him, for his ability to never have to struggle with his business again. He had work lined up for the next 3 years for this big development company, and then he just recently signed two more large contracts for other companies. Joel finally had steady work for many more years to come. You knew that Joel Miller was finally set for life with his business. But you couldn't say the same thing for your marriage.

Joel used to do all these silly little things with you. It's what made hard times bearable in the past. But ever since a year ago your husband's attitude has changed. In the past year you felt like you had gone from Joel's loving wife, to a ‘thing’ or an ‘it’ to him.

“I guess you're right,” you said, looking out the window at the salon. You were trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to come at the realization that life was different now. “I don't know what else we could do at the last minute.”

“Yeah, m’ither” Joel said while picking lint off his jeans and refusing to look at you in the face anymore.

“Joel, do you still want to do something with me today?” You waited in silence as he stared out the window, not answering you.

“Joel” you said a little bit louder, still trying for a connection. But yet again, no answer. Uncomfortable silence continued for several minutes, neither one of you uttering a single word. Finally, Joel broke first by exhaling loudly. He then closed his eyes and rested his head against the seat's headrest.

“Joel, are you still with me honey?” you asked one last time. When silence continued, that's when you understood that you had failed miserably at trying to have a fun and relaxing day.

“I'll just take you home then, leave you alone, and let you rest.” You mumbled out loud, more to yourself. “God y/n, why are you so fucking stupid. If he didn't want to do stuff with you before, he sure as hell won't want to do anything with you now. Stupid, stupid, silly girl.”

What you didn't realize was that you verbalized your internal turmoil, and the man sitting next to you heard it. Joel hated hearing you berate yourself, a bad habit that you picked up from your father and your father's now divorced ex-wife. Joel knew that he was the cause of your current stress and anxiety. After all, he was the asshole who was never home and when he was, you two were always arguing and fighting all the time. Sure, you’ve had some amazing days like Halloween night and a promise of a week ago in the car, something that he never followed through with because he got called away to deal with shit at work. He was failing you as your partner and your husband, but most of all he was failing you as your best friend. You were his best friend, the only person that he loved spending time with. It was just today he didn’t feel up to this silly stuff you wanted to do. He knew he was the one who introduced you to this stuff with Sarah all those years ago, and that today you were just reaching for familiar territory.

Joel sat there with his eyes closed and continued to listen to you berate yourself out loud. Why does she fucking do this to herself, she knows better, he thought. He was just about to open his mouth and yell at you to knock it off when he heard you whisper “Baby, I don’t know how to tell your daddy that you’re in there. How can I when your daddy and I can't seem to find common ground anymore.”

As soon as he heard your little admission, at the potential of you being pregnant again, Joel snapped his eyes open and looked over at you. How did I not notice this, he thought. He immediately started scanning over your body, looking for any signs that he may have missed. When he stopped and really looked at you he saw them. Your black t-shirt sat more snug around your chest, he could see that your breasts were slightly swollen. Your curves were more profound, not from fat, but from water weight he suspected. Your tummy, a little pouch forming low on your belly. That's a baby, he thought. His baby, the one he put there on Halloween night. You always started to show really early on in your pregnancy. According to your doctor it was extra water weight, but to Joel it was a sign of life. Something that he hasn’t seen your body do for many years, considering your youngest boy was now seven.

Joel continued to trail his eyes slowly back up your features. He noticed the dark circles underneath your eyes. You weren’t sleeping and that worried him. You two had lost a baby before when you were 22 weeks along, a little girl that came a year before your youngest boy. He had given you two boys, but he knew you always wanted to try again for a little girl. But somehow life got in the way and you two never tried for a girl again. He was hoping this time around it was a girl.

With remembering your past pregnancies, Joel wondered how you were feeling. He knew the first stages of pregnancy were hard on you. You’d hardly sleep or eat, nausea being the worst culprit. With Joshua, your youngest, you could hardly keep anything down during the entire pregnancy. God, he hoped that wasn’t your fate now. At least he was making enough money to cover all the living expenses, in case you weren't able to work through it like before.

Joel then allowed his eyes to roam higher up to your eyes, that's when he saw that they were bloodshot. You were crying and berating yourself because of how he made a stupid comment, that he was embarrassed being seen with you at doing a pedicure. Jesus Joel, you’re such a fucking asshole sometimes, he thought.

He sat there and watched you for a moment, at your struggle to try to stop the tears that were falling from your eyes. Seeing this, hearing your confession and actually looking at you, at how stressed out you were made his heart ache. He hated to see you cry, and yet you've been doing that a lot recently, thanks to him.

"Come on, darlin,'’ you heard Joel say. “My back and feet don't have all day. Let's get this salon pampering day started.”

"Joel it's ok, we don't have to-" you said, wiping the tears from your eyes.

"No," he said. "It's a perfect idea honey, the best way to relax. I'm so sorry for snapping. I'm just- fuck baby, I'm stressed and struggling to find a proper balance between both worlds. Now come on darlin.’” Joel said, while giving your hand a tender kiss. As you both walked towards the salon, Joel gently intertwined his fingers with yours. He gave small soothing strokes with his thumb, reassuring you that he was here and present for you.

Soon Joel found himself staring at a wall with different colors of nail polish. He was being directed by you to choose a color that he wanted his toes to be painted with. "Darlin', the lady at the counter said I don't need to pick out colored nail polish."

"Tough cowboy, you're doing it. Plus it'll show support to women everywhere if you do." You tried your hardest to give him a convincing answer of why you wanted him to do this. He just looked at you and smirked, seeing straight through your attempt.

“Supportin' women has nothin' to do with it. Ya just want to laugh at me, that's all." He said, shaking his head at your attempt with reasoning with him. Why do I always get myself in these situations with her? But as he glanced over he saw you smiling ear to ear. You were practically jumping for joy at the thought of having a couples massage and couples pedicure with him. That's when he knew that all of this was worth it, especially if he could see you look happy and smile like that again.

As you were wiggling in Joel's arms laughing you happened to accidentally brush your hand up against his clothed crotch, and that's when you felt it, a firm prominent bulge. As soon as your hand brushed up against him you heard Joel let out a hiss at the sensation. He then gently nudged his hips against your hand while giving you a little whimper.

“Joel, how long has it been?” you asked, slowly palming him in the front. You were concerned, Joel was never this sensitive to sensation before and he's never whimpered like that just by the meer push of your palm. Oh, poor baby, you thought, you weren't the only one who had been neglected. You palmed him harder, trying to show him what you wanted. You felt him twitch and throb beneath you. “Baby, how long?” you whispered, pushing harder with your hand as he rutted up into you, seeking out more friction.

“Too long,” he panted. “It's been too fucking long since I, since we, fuck woman” he growled and snapped his hips forward, desperately seeking pleasure from you. He wanted to open his pants and tell you to get down on your knees and to suck his cock. He wanted to fuck your mouth so bad, then bend you over one of those salon chairs and bury himself inside of you. He wanted to show you he could be the man you needed, and be the father for your children. He wanted to put a baby inside of your nice soft-

“Baby, when was your last period?” Joel said, stopping his movements and racing mind for a moment. When you didn't answer he continued by saying “I don't remember when you had your period last. Have you had one in the last two months?”

“Don't worry about it” you said, while slowly pulling your hand away. This was not a conversation you wanted to have right now.

You walked over to the side, a few feet away from Joel and you were pretending to look at the colors of nail polish. What you were really doing was trying to slow your pounding heart in your chest. Joel approached you and slowly started to stroke your little bump saying “how late are we talking mama, huh?”

“Joel it's only 10 am and-”

“S'not what I meant sugar and you know it. Come on mama, how far along are we?” Joel said, flattening his palm over your belly and holding it there.

You looked into your husband's eyes and saw compassion behind them. You were just about to open your mouth and tell him that you were 3 weeks late when someone said “Y/n and Joel Miller, they're ready for you.”

As soon as you heard them call your names you backed away and grabbed the purple nail polish that was right in front of you. It reminded you of the first time you did this all those years ago with Sarah and him. It made you smile at the warm memory. This one is perfect, you thought. You handed it to Joel saying “I think this color would look great for the both of us.”

When Joel looked down he saw that the nail polish was purple with sparkles in it, your favorite color. When he glanced at your face he saw uncertainty in your eyes at the events that just played out. So with a grin and a squeeze from his large hand he grabbed the jar from you and said “Ok, purple it is. Now come on mama, let's go and get you nice and relaxed.”

Three hours later Joel was slowly relaxing. He was laying on his stomach, purple sparkly toe nails poking through the blanket, as a very attractive woman worked the hell out of his shoulders. Kiara, Joel's masseuse, was an expert in deep tissue massage. After the staff found out that he basically was one big hard tight knot, he was advised that deep tissue massage would be the best option.

"Aw darlin' right there," Joel said as Kiara worked on his lower back.

"Mr. Miller, you're so stiff and tight. It's gonna take me a bit to work you fully out. Does it feel better when I press right here?" Kiara asked, pushing on Joel's lower back, a place you knew turned your husband on.

"Ah yeah, right there" Joel grunted at the sensation.

You were on your own massage table being worked on by Fredrick, a middle aged man with a beer gut. While Joel had Kiara, a 42 year old big breasted, fully fit porn star looking woman. You know, the type of women your husband likes to look at when he's browsing those adult only sites.

As you continued to watch Kiara flirt with your husband, you felt your insecurities creep up into your skull, worrying you. You had no idea if Joel would be ok with this unplanned pregnancy. You knew the old Joel would be ok with it. But now you had no idea how he'd react, especially with how he has behaved this past year. The longer this went on, the more your irrational fears seeped deep into your subconscious.

When Joel moaned for the third time in less than five minutes at Kiara asking him if something felt good, you found yourself snapping at your husband. "Joel, for the love of God, can you please just shut the hell up? Really, no one wants to hear how good it feels to have someone else touch you." You didn't know why, but you were upset, angry, and hurt all at the same time. Somehow hearing someone else pull those little sighs or grunts out of your husband bothered the hell out of you.

"Look here woman, I'm enjoying myself, ok? Your fault for making me do this. So pull back the attitude now." He said, snapping at you.

After a moment he added, "What's with your attitude anyways today, huh?"

"I don't know Joel, why don't you tell me."

"Look here missy, I don't know what's up your ass today. But whatever it is, it can just stop. Don't ruin this for me with your petty bullshit. Got it?" he said, with a warning in his voice.

"Petty bullshit, really? Are you kidding me Joel? You promised me you’d spend time with me today. And-”

“And what y/n? What more could you possibly want from me today than what I’m already giving you?”

When you didn't open your mouth to argue, Joel assumed the problem was solved. That you'd stop throwing your little temper tantrum. But what he didn't realize was that the emotion you were now feeling wasn't one of defiance. You were feeling neglected and you didn't want to do this day anymore. You thought you could have a fun day with your husband, like you used to when you two dated. But now, you just wanted to go home, and pretend that today and this past year never happened. You wanted your husband to be around, present more, and not treat you like you were someone who was a burden or a checkmark on a list. You wanted to pretend that your husband still cared.

When you counted it up, it had been almost two months since you and Joel had sex last. To make matters worse, your period was almost 3 weeks late. You were worried about what he'd say when he found out. You were pregnant, that much was evident on the pregnancy test that you had taken over a week ago. You knew that your fears right now were irrational, that you were just making something out of nothing. But to you your fears felt very real. And with Joel smiling and laughing so easily with Kiara, it made your stomach hurt and twist in knots at the thought that he didn't want you anymore.

You were so lost in your own head, that you didn’t notice that Fredrick had stopped massaging your back. He could sense how tense your body was, and the turmoil of feelings that you were feeling. "Mrs. Miller, are you ok?" he whispered. When you didn’t respond to him right away, he said louder “Mrs. Miller, are you ok?”

As soon as Joel heard the question from Fredrick he snapped his head to the side to look at you. When he saw you, you were laying face down, your hand up by your mouth as you were sobbing into the table. “Baby, are you ok?” Joel asked, worried and concerned of what made you fall apart like this.

"Yeah, I'm. I'm fine” you said, trying not to have your voice break. “Can you um- can you please excuse me. I gotta- I don’t feel well.” You then got up, and walked into the changing room that was attached, tears still streaming down your face.

As Joel watched you walk away he knew this little adventure the two of you were having today was over with. He apologized to Kiara and Fredrick, stating that the both of you would be leaving early. As he went to his own dressing room to get dressed, he started thinking to himself. He knew that you were stressed out a lot, and that the two of you were having problems. He also knew that you just wanted a day to relax with him, so seeing you like this broke his heart. You have cried a lot recently and he could understand why, but it still bothered him. He didn't mean to snap at you today, he was just stressed out himself. He began to realize though that his stressors and your stressors were drastically different.

Something was up with you, that much was certain. You were more sensitive and emotional recently. If he attempted to ask you about it, you'd just blow up at him. Usually when you were more emotional it meant that you were by or on your period. But Joel was confused, especially with seeing those other bodily signs that you were having. Were you pregnant and he just didn't see it? Or were you having flare ups of your gynecological problems again and he wasn't noticing it. He was so busy with work that he didn't remember if you had your period yet, that's why he asked you earlier today. He was trying to calm his own irrational fears of being an inattentive husband.

The problem was he didn't know what was off or how to fix it with you. If your admission earlier was true, that you were in fact pregnant, then why did you hide it from him and not tell him? Were you embarrassed in carrying his child? Joel was lost in thought, trying to figure out what he could do that he almost missed hearing you get sick in the other room. As soon as he heard the telltale signs of you throwing up he muttered to himself “shit,” and finished getting dressed.

While Joel was in his dressing room getting lost in thought, you were in yours doing the same thing. You quietly dressed in your changing room, trying to calm the tears that were flowing. As you looked down you noticed the little bump you had. You kept trying to flatten your shirt overtop of it, to hide it from the world. You weren’t upset that you were pregnant, you were just overwhelmed at the moment and didn't want to think about it. But the more you tried to suck in your gut, to flatten your shirt, you started to slowly panic. You tried tucking in your shirt, then you untucked it, nothing worked to hide what was growing inside of you. You couldn't hide the embarrassment of getting pregnant from a man who you didn’t think wanted you anymore. In your experience, which was limited, an unplanned pregnancy when there were marital problems never resulted in a happy ending for the mother or wife. As this realization hit you, you felt the bile rise up fast in your throat. Your hands were shaking, and you were drowning in your own irrational fears and anxiety. Worst part, no matter what you did you couldn't calm yourself down.

Tears began to flow hard again from your eyes as you tried anything to stop the anxiety from swallowing you whole. You felt like you were suffocating, drowning in a pool of uneasiness. Your vision went fuzzy, your ears started to ring, and the whole world started to spin on its axis. You reached out and were fumbling around the room, trying to find something to grab onto to center yourself. As soon as you grabbed the garbage can your knees buckled and you collapsed. Your heart was pounding in your ears and you felt the bile rise up fast again in your throat. You grabbed the garbage can just in time as your body heaved the entire contents out of your stomach into the trash.

You were retching so hard into the garbage, shaking with panic as tears flowed down your face that you never heard the door open and a man approach you. Your anxiety was swallowing you whole and you said with a breathless plea to yourself, in-between vomiting sessions, that you were scared and couldn't do this anymore. Then like a miracle from heaven, you felt those familiar rough hands gently reach out and center you once again.

When Joel entered the room his heart sank at seeing you collapsed on the ground and retching into the garbage can. You were pleading for someone to help you, to make the pain and anxiety stop. You were drowning in your own anxiety and it broke his heart. No one hurts my babies, he thought, especially him.

Joel slowly walked up to you and gently reached out to gather your hair into his hands. After he pulled it back from your face he placed one of his hands gently on your tummy, while whispering “Shh, mama. Take a breath. Come on now, you’re okay. I'm right here and I ain’t leavin’. Shhh.” He continued to rub soothing circles on your belly, right where the little bump was. When you were finished emptying the contents of your stomach Joel grabbed a towel and gently wiped your mouth saying “well, I thought that wasn’t gonna happen for a while yet.”

“What?” you said, confused, feeling completely worn out by today’s events.

“Baby, you do a bad job at hiding it.” Joel said with a smirk on his lips.

“Joel, I don’t know what you’re-” and then it dawned on you, he heard you. He heard your admission in the car that you were pregnant. As soon as that realization hit you, Joel watched your eyes go wide as you started to shake your head violently back and forth. You stood up and immediately started backing away from him, eyes blown wide with anxiety and panic once again.

Joel slowly stood up and watched you as realization took hold of you of your earlier admission. “Baby, take a breath for me, ok?” he said, trying to calm the fear and panic that you had. As he slowly approached you he said “sugar you gotta slow your breathing down, come here, let me help you.” He slowly reached out to you so you could center yourself.

“No, no, no. You can't know, I can't do this alone. Please God, why is this happening to me?” you said out loud, not wanting the world to fall apart around you. You didn’t want this discussion now, not when you didn’t know what you could do. You didn’t want him to kick you out, to say that you disappointed him, that you were a disappointment. Joel never said those words to you, your father did when he found out that you were dating his best friend. And the way your father dealt with it was to kick you out of the house, after he berated you in front of Joel. You knew Joel wasn't your father, but in this moment your father’s voice and Joel’s voice blurred together in your head.

When you felt your back hit the wall you knew that your running was over. You had to face the man in front of you, whether or not you wanted to. You instinctively wrapped your arms around your chest, hanging your head low when the sob that you’ve been holding back all day finally broke free from your chest and swallowed you whole. Your knees buckled and you started to fall to the floor like a ton of bricks sobbing hysterically saying “I can't be homeless again. I can't do this abuse again.”

Joel wasn't trying to scare you, he just wanted to center you and stop you from spiraling out of control. But when he saw your knees buckle he said “shit” and moved fast to catch you. He then wrapped his big arms around you, and pulled you tight to his chest as you let out all of the anxiety and frustration of the last several weeks.

“Come on now little one, don’t cry” he said, calling you a nickname he hasn’t called you for a long time.

“I’m sorry Joel, I’m sorry” you kept saying, as you let out all of your pent up anxiety.

“No. Come on baby, don’t say that. You got nothin’ to be sorry for. Let's slow your breathing down, yeah? Alright little one, how ‘bout you breathe with me.” He said, speaking softly into your ear. You felt him slowly lower his hand to the small of your back, rubbing tiny circles on your skin, attempting to quiet your tears. You also started to match his breathing with long inhales and slow exhales.

After listening to him breathe and matching his breathing for a while he slowly lowered his hand to your belly and gently started stroking it. You then heard Joel whisper in your ear, “I love you baby, no matter what. I need you to know that I’ll never leave you, no matter what. Ok?”

When you didn’t respond he took a step back, bent down and looked you straight in the eyes. You nodded your head slightly, attempting a weak smile as you finally had calmed yourself down. He stared at you for a moment, assessing your features to see if you truly were done with your panic attack or if you still were in it. When he realized that you weren’t going into another one, he gently tucked you into his side and whispered “ok mama, how ‘bout we get you home so you can lay down and relax. You've had a tough day honey.”

After a few silent minutes of gathering your things together, eventually the two of you started to walk for the exit of the changing room. Before you exited the doorway you said “Joel um- I got something I wanna say.”

Joel stopped and looked down at you, gently nodding his head. This was it, the moment you were going to say that you were pregnant. You opened your mouth, but nothing came out. You started to panic and overthink things again. What happens if he’s mad at me and yells at me again? You were silently having an internal tug-o-war with yourself.

Inside Joel was frustrated with himself that you couldn’t be honest with him. He was silently scolding himself for creating this environment in which you didn’t feel 100% comfortable with talking with him. Something that he promised himself that he would change, starting right now. As he stood there and watched you play tug-o-war with your mind, he tried to give you the warm environment of being relaxed, yet his own stomach was churning and twisting itself into knots.

“Joel, uh-”

“Yes darlin’” he said, coaxing you gently to speak.

“I- uh. Shit.” you couldn’t do it, no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t say the words ‘Joel I’m pregnant.’

Joel could see that you weren't ready, but he wanted to give you the reassurance that you needed. He reached his hand out and gently placed it on your belly, on top of the little bump and said “I know mama, it's scary. You can tell me in your own time when you feel comfortable, yeah? Just know that no matter what, I love you.”

He gently kissed the top of your head, and with a smile he ushered you out towards the front desk. He sent you out to the car to relax as he squared away the fees for you being sick. When he got back into the car he groaned for a moment at the feeling of his back tightening up again.

“I don’t get how ya women think this is relaxin’.” He said, looking over at the salon as he put the car in reverse. “My back feels like it’s in a million more knots now. Shit.”

With a small smirk you said “Joys of deep tissue massage honey.”

“Yeah well, I feel like I went 20 rounds with that damn massage table. It kicked my ass good and hard too. This relaxin’ stuff is hard work hon.” Joel said, slightly groaning while having another back spasm.

“No, I just think it means that you're an old grumpy man,” you said, nonchalantly.

Joel was stopped at the light, waiting for it to turn green. He glanced over at you, eyes wide at your statement of him being an old grumpy man. “S’not funny babe,” he grumbled.

“Well honey, it's the truth” you whispered, as you softly kissed his cheek. “At least we know this still works” you added, giving him a playful bite to his ear as you gently cupped your husband's crotch. You palmed him for a moment and felt him slowly enlarge at your words.

“Does that feel good baby?” You asked in a sultry tone, as you slowly stroked your husband's cock through his jeans.

“Ya already know it does,” he said, in a husky voice.

You gave him one more chaste kiss and a firm squeeze before you removed your hand. As you slowly turned your head to look out the window you felt your husband's hand on your thigh. He was rubbing small soothing circles there. It was his way of reassuring you that he cared and was still here for you. You lightly grabbed his hand and placed it firmly against your lower tummy, humming as he began to stroke your little bump there too. You couldn't verbalize it to him yet, but this was your silent way of reassuring him that you were in fact pregnant.

Joel melted into this touch, the feel of your little bump, of his baby growing inside of you. This small simple measure finally calmed his fears. He knew that you loved him and that he loved you. No matter what he was going to be there for you and help you through this. Even though he was 52, and you were 37, and having an unexpected pregnancy was never ideal. Joel loved you and this little baby more than anything. As he silently rubbed your tummy he thought to himself everything is gonna be alright. And I can't believe that I'm gonna be a dad again ❤️

-End Part 3 Prologue-

A/N: More will come in the future with these two (proper chapters) as we take them through their pregnancy journey together. If you're interested in reading their origin story, make sure to check out the other series titled Love Never Fails coming out January 2024.

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3lazeit @its-always-420-on-the-moon @kirsteng42

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gojos-fr-bae · 7 months

Text

Liar pt.3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Pairing: Gojo x fem!eader

Warnings: Pregnancy, sososos saaaaaad, ands, fluff, drinnking, I LOVE Kouki

Word Count: 1k (not them getting shorter)

A/N: BOO! Didin't see this coming huh? Me neither tbh but i didn't go to school yesterday and boredom was kiiling me sooo.....

Month 5

Satrou (I swear we'll see y/n and Kouki this time, allow me this once)

As Satoru slowly awoke from his restless sleep, unbearable nausea overcame him as he threw his bearley living body to his toilet, regurgitating meals he has no memory of even eating. His mouth burned as he vomited bile, burning his tongue.

He had lost his will to live but life refused to let him go. He forced himself to get up, get ready, and prepare himself for the copious amounts of bullshit he would have to deal with throughout whatever amount of time he is able to remain conscious.

As he sat under a tree, ungodly amounts of booze already flowing through his system, he watched his students train on the plain before him.

He felt the grass beside him shuffle, the scent of surgical spirit and smoke flooding his senses.

“Hey idiot,” Shoko said, her raspy voice barely reaching his ears.

She turned to face her former classmate as he sat there, silent with a stoic face.

“Are you seriously planning on staying boring forever?”

No Answer

Shoko Sighed as she looked at her friend. Ever since you left he had never been the same. It pained her to see the bubbliest, happiest person she has ever known in such a state. It was worlds worse than when they lost Suguru and she couldn’t help but feel for the guy. She placed her hand on his shoulder and rubbed it slowly, facing him as he stared at nothing.

“Please take care of yourself, and slow down with the drinking, you’re cooking yourself.” she said with a softness that was rare to hear from her.

The doctor rose from her seat and looked down at Satoru, he’ll be okay. Sha’s praying for him to be okay.

Year 1

Y/N

You woke up and immediately ran to your son’s room, excitement having seeped into every bone in your body .When you walked in and saw you ray of sunshine kneeling against the edge of his crib, bright gummy smile with four front teeth showing and you felt like you were about to EXPLODE.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVEEEEYYYYYY!!!!!!!!” You screamed, picking him up and squeezing him to your chest.

His giggles filled the room and you peppered kisses all over his face. You took him to the living room as he clutched the shirt you were wearing. You walked him to the small living room of your quaint apartment, showing him the cake you stayed up all night baking. You laughed as he put his hand on the cake, smearing it all over his face in an attempt to eat it.

You looked at your son and you felt the love spillover as you couldn't help but tear up at the thought that your precious little angel was growing up. You were so, so proud. But the happiness was slightly soured by the fact that you would have to raise him without his father. You thought about Satoru and where he was right now. From what Megumi had told you, he had taken your disappearance har but he couldn’t really tell you more as Satoru and Megumi barely even saw each other seeing as Satoru buries himself in his work now.

You never hated him and never wished anything bad upon him, but you couldn’t help but miss what you shared, yet when you looked down at your cooing baby, you thought about his future and knew you had done what was best for him. You hope so.

Satoru

Gojo sat in the unoccupied nursery with a blue frosted cupcake in his hands and a number 1 lit candle. He had made sure that he was sober throughout the entire day and night prior just for this occasion. He looked down at the empty crib and pictured you and your child celebrating his first birthday, perfectly happy.

Without him.

For all he knew you had moved on to someone else and his child had a loving father taking care of him. Hisalready shattered heart only broke more and yet he was so happy and excited and proud that his son was already a year old.Although he wasn't there to witness it, it still filled him with such innocent joy.

“Happy birthday my love,” He whispered, a lone tear cascading down his cheek.”I love you.”

Year 2

Y/N

You were seated at your desk at 11pm, looking down at all the bills that needed payment by the end of the month. Rent, water, electricity, you need to buy food, clothes, new shoes for Kouki, and on top of all of this, he was meant to start school in September which was only a month away and you aren't sure how you were going to make all these payments on time seeing as your job didn’t pay you enough to handle it.

“Mommy?” you heard a soft voice call at the entrance of the office. At your door stood your precious kikufuku dressed in his kitty onesie and blue and white monkey plushie being dragged on the ground behind him as he held it loosely.

“Baby, what are you doing awake?” you cooed as he waddled towards you and raised his arms as a sign for you to carry him.

You and your son were extremely attached to each other not only because you were his only parent (technically) but because you worked as customer care you were able to work from home, meaning you two were together 24/7 and it showed.

You placed him on your lap and he immediately snuggled as close to you as possible.

“Sweepy,” he murmured, already falling asleep in your arms.

You looked down at him, kissing his forehead as you realized that you might not be able to give him a life that he deserves.

But you would, If you went back to teaching.

You didn’t want to get yourself involved with what happened right after his birth again but you needed him to have the best life possible. And if that meant you needed to go back, you had no choice. You had to do it for him.

But at what cost?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Hope this is good😭🏃🏿‍♀️

Also, Thank you to EVERYONE forthe support, almost at 100 followersssss!!!!! Much love❤️❤️

@porridgesblog , @giannitaa , @c0pkiller , @havens-not-here

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shibaraki · 1 year

Text

WHAT THE WATER GAVE ME ┊ MIDORIYA IZUKU

synopsis: when your sailboat is caught in a vicious storm you are saved by a whale sized mer that cannot keep his curiosity—nor his affections—at bay.

tags: GN reader, suggestive, merfolk au, giant mer deku, storms + boating accidents, language barrier, a little angst, fluff, near drowning + mild injury (no detailed desc), courting behaviours, modern fantasy, macro/micro, manhandling (literally), hopeful ending

wc: 6.4K

↳ for the mermay collab hosted by the teahouse server! ↰

There’s little you remember. A breeze carrying the taste of sea salt grew bitter and cutting. The gentle lull of the waves slowly grew treacherous. Freezing sheets of grey rain blurred visibility, ocean foaming at the mouth. You lurched as the boat tipped, taking a hit to the head on the main mast. Grappling with consciousness, you recall how your body had been flung into the depths, a sharp and endless cradle; cold enough, kind enough, that you quickly lost all sensation.

Then you’re gasping desperately. When your lungs fill with cool night air relief floods your system. An ache wracks your being, muscles seizing and bones rattling, but the only thing you can think is: I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive.

Everything comes back in small pieces. You slump back and clutch at your soaked shirt, wincing at the bruising around your lungs with each breath. Above is a wide open sky littered with stars and the moon hangs high. You notice that you’re floating then; not on the surface of the water but in a steep puddle that stops above your waist, clothes entirely soaked. Surrounding you are… walls?

Adjusted to the darkness, your eyes drag cautiously across them. They are curved like a bowl, and seem oddly shelved, quite similar to a cupped human hand except much bigger. As that thought crosses your mind the upper shelf moves, and the two walls turn inward, opening a small crevice underneath you to let the water spill back into the sea.

And then a soft lucid croon vibrates through the air. You feel it deep in your chest; the sound is soothing, like a mother’s hum, pressing on an old, innate need for comfort.

Gravity swoops through your belly as the structure moves. Down come the walls. They lay slightly flat, though still keeping you in a shallow divot. Your eyes squeeze shut and sting. The storm must have killed you because what is plain to see could only be conjured in a dream.

The size of a small blue whale— neither blue nor whale. A soft jaw and a pale face, cheeked covered in what appeared to be sunspots. Full lips parted to warble in quiet wonder, revealing a set of large sharp teeth. Either side of the creature's neck are diaphanous slits. Gills. Smatterings of luminescent green scales trail beautifully from the throat to the shoulders. You notice a glow on the ocean’s surface, the rest of his form hidden below.

Rocked off balance as their head dips, dark tendrils of hair clinging to skin, you are met with a pair of large pupil-less eyes. Vibrant green speckled with white, full of curiosity. A few clicks and a whistle echoes into the night. Your tongue feels like a slab of lead, cloven to the roof of your mouth, frozen by unadulterated fear.

It's a mer. It must be. Mer sightings are incredibly rare. You’re in the palm of a legend. A giant one at that.

What you now presume to be the mer’s thumb passes over you cautiously. You flinch despite his obvious attempt at telegraphing the movement. To someone your size it still happens a little too fast. The sinew in your neck hurts, wrung with tension as the thumb stops an inch short of your crown. Seconds elapse. There’s a light pressure, liquid streaming down your face, a back and forth motion, a low warbling.

The mer is petting you.

“Wha—?” your voice comes out rasped, painful as it scratches the inside of your throat. Dissolving into a violent coughing fit, you curl forward with arms crossed over your stomach as you vomit, crying out through the sharp stabs in your ribs. Overhead, the mer whines, and you’re prepared this time as his hands move.

“I’m… I’m okay, I think,” you croaked, mostly to yourself, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. The acrid taste of blood and salt lingers in your teeth. Suddenly, a warm gust of air knocks the wind out of you— the tremors too. The soft hair on your arms prickles at the sudden chill as the warmth retreats, but you’re grateful to be a little dryer.

When you glance up the mer is much closer. His face has gentled into sadness. He'd huffed a breath over you the same way one might do to keep their hands warm. You are struck by the thoughtfulness. Unlike the old stories this mer seemed intent on keeping you alive. So far he has treated you softly, albeit clumsily, and tried to comfort you. Understanding settles over you accompanied by a sense of helplessness. To this mer you are probably nothing more than an injured baby bird.

“Did…” you try to speak louder, the words strained. “Did you save me?”

The moonlight kisses him just right. His expression blooms when you speak, a reflexive trill building in his throat to verbalise happiness. Beneath the mass of curls on his head there are two fin shaped ears fluttering. Giant as he may be, the mer is… cute, as well as devastating.

You swallow and wince. It feels like sandpaper. “Can you understand me?” you ask, purposefully slow. Any local information gathered about merfolk was either a lie or rumour. Some say they can understand spoken word and others don’t. Perhaps this mer had migrated from far away where the human tongue is different. Or maybe it was his first time meeting a person. That would explain the enthusiasm.

You’re given a plaintive blink. Membranous lids first, outer lids after. The muted roll of the waves fills the silence as you gaze at one another, nearly forgetting your question all together as you’re pulled in— wading through sea glass depths. Two pulsing clicks ripple across the open water and you startle out of your reverie.

He tips to meet you halfway. You steel yourself, unsteady as you try to stand, and choke a laugh when the creature nudges his nose into your middle. He rumbles a purr, as though pleased by the proximity. You shudder when it resonates pleasantly through your body.

“Okay that’s—dangerous,” you strain a laugh, bracing against his nose. Fatigue threads its way into your muscles. The adrenaline is beginning to wear off and giving way to a harsh headache. Your eyes close, the only mercy being that it is dark out. The mer exhales another hot breath against your lap.

“Guess you won’t be talking anytime soon,” you continue aloud. A weak smile curls at your lips as you recline to look at him better, “Sorry if I don’t make good company”.

Seeing him cross eyed makes you laugh, even through the tenderness, and you stroke your hand against his cheek; so contrivedly real looking that it seems like it must be a trick. Licking the salt water from your lips, you drag your palms from freckle to freckle, forming patterns and constellations. His skin is deceptively soft. Smooth and slippery— like blubber, you can only assume.

“You’re so gorgeous,” you lean into the hum he is emitting, low and supple. You reach with fingertips stretched to skim along his lower lashes. Closer now you see the green hues in his hair where the light reflects. Though he might not be able to understand the language you hoped your reverence would carry through in your tone. You think perhaps it does; a faint red glow stains his fin tipped ears and happy whistles quake through your bones.

The saccharine moment is cut short by something splashing nearby. It sounds big. You startle with a yelp, cowering back into the safety of the mer’s hand. Glancing back over his shoulder, face crinkled and lips thin, you thought he looked almost petulant. How unsettlingly human it is.

Collapsing into a puddle of vertigo, you clutch your head as he suddenly turns. A sad trill reverberates in your skull and you’re sliding, the too-corporeal ground rising to meet you. You land with a thump on damp wood where he puts you down, forcing a pained wheeze from your throat.

Another splash. This time it is followed by a stern wailing call that forces a frantic urgency into the mer’s movements. From above he looks between you and the black horizon, eyes wide and beseeching, as though he wanted to impress his intentions with his gaze. You think you get it.

I’ll be back soon, he’s saying. “Go,” you try to smile and gesture to your surroundings. “It’s not like I can go anywhere anytime soon”.

Relief colours his features. Then he’s gone. Sinking into the ocean like a stone, frighteningly silent. The boat rolls over a passing wave and nausea churns in your stomach. You squint through the moonlight, dizzy, and make out the limp flapping material of the sail, now torn and strewn across the deck. Good enough.

You gather strength and stretch to pull it over your form. If drowning didn’t take you then hypothermia would. Dark spots gather in your vision, closing in as you curl into yourself. The ocean rocks you gently in her arms. You can only lie back—on what you now know to be remains of the boat—listen to the rasp in your breathing, watch the flickering stars blur together, and think of how small you really are.

When you wake the sky is bleeding into dawn with the quieting rays of light. Soft enough that you can look directly at the sun and see the blushing canvas it paints. Sitting up with a wounded groan, you stare at the far off horizon. You cannot discern where reality began and your dreams ended, only that at some point you walked between them.

Tugging the tarp close to your chest you survey the surroundings. Pinpricks of seawater spray up the hull. The mast has been snapped in half and the main sails are gone along with the helm. Below the cabin is flooded. Most of the resources you brought, along with the VHF radio, have seemingly gone overboard.

Your lips are unbearably dry. Skin splits, iron mixing with salt. You inhale deeply, lungs bloating with crisp air, and exhale raggedly through the soreness. First priority is water. Like a newborn calf you amble over to the hatch. There are coolers fixed to the floors under the cockpit that you hope survived—

One broken and empty. One mostly undamaged.

“C’mon… Please…” opening the lock is more strenuous than it should be. Your fingers tremble and slip, still numb. A sob wracks your body. Relief buckles you at the knees and you brace against the counter. Inside is an emergency flare gun and an assortment of non perishables, including biscuits and bottled water.

You fumble with the bottle cap, shaking as you bring it to your mouth. It immediately soothes your throat and you begin to gulp mouthfuls, pulling off only for breath. Tearing the biscuit packet open with your teeth you settle back in the spot you slept on. It crumbles, dry enough to stick to the roof of your mouth, but food is food.

Two things are certain. You’re stuck here, and you have no idea how far off course the storm threw you. You shoot the first flare, a bright red vein soaring into the sky, leaving you with nothing to do but wait. The gun had at least three more rounds. Would anybody see it out here?

Another streak of light flares as the sun rises and casts an orange shimmer across the ocean surface. The giant mer crosses your thoughts as your eyes drag over the large indent pressed into the side of the boat. Though unsure if he existed at all you miss the security of his hands.

You lose focus listening to the sea exhale. Barely cognisant of the formless blur spreading like ink in the distance, growing in size the closer it gets. It slows a few feet away and the momentum has waves jolting through the water. Scrambling to grab the side of the boat as it jerks, ice grips at your heart when you notice the huge shadow lingering nearby.

When it rises the blur sharpens and takes shape. Features distort, rippling under the tide, and you daren’t blink. Eyes of sea glass stare back with equal hesitance. Cool morning light reflects off dark green curls, strands laid to a pale forehead, flat and reminiscent of wet seaweed. The surface breaks dramatically, water rushing down his head and fizzling into foam.

You release a staggered breath, realising you’d been holding it. A mer really had saved you. In daylight you can appreciate the sheer size of him. Shoulders near the width of your boat, covered in opalescent scales and dark scars.

Emboldened by your silence a careful hum vibrates in his throat. His gills pulse and flutter as he comes in closer. The sun is eclipsed by his hand, shadows looming across the deck where his fingers come to rest. Careful, retreating quickly when the structure groans, and then returning again, gentler.

“You… came back,” you whisper. Disbelief bleeds into your voice. A needling sensation flows to your legs as you stand. You grasp his fingertip and the mer smiles— a trill behind his lips, stretched warmly across his face, enough to lift the swell of his freckled cheeks. Light undulates brightly in his eyes, swaying like patterns you see on the seafloor.

“It’s good to know I didn’t lose my mind,” a wave of uncertainty washes over you as the mer watches you expectantly. There’s a clear intelligence in his gaze, rapt inquisitiveness, but you can’t yet be sure he really understands. Equally, you know precisely nothing about mer social etiquette. “Does this make us friends? You’re friendly, right? I hope so. I probably taste like shit, you know”.

Ignoring his curious hum you brace against his hand and lean toward the edge of the deck. Illuminated by the sunlit hues, more of his upper body is visible to you. Waves lap placidly up a strong chest, smooth muscled pecs glistening. The scales spanning his flanks are notably larger and thicker.

You wonder the science behind his existence, if it was simply work of the Gods, or there was some reason for him to be so egregiously large. Merfolk have always been depicted as human sized or close enough to it. “...Guess I should give you a name. You’re pretty green. Midori? Too simple. How about Midoriya?”

His finger wiggles slightly with a playful whistle, happy about the name. It bends to curl around you. Even a slight shift causes the boat to dip. What must be an imperceptible movement for him nearly knocks you on your feet. “Ah—Steady!” your yelp scratches at the inside of your throat and nausea pulses hot in your stomach. “Oh, fuck. That sucked”.

Midoriya’s head tilts and he croons. It sounds apologetic. “Just go easy with me, alright? You could probably squash me like a bug,” you squint at the folds in his finger, and further at the gossamer webbing in the spaces between each knuckle as your stomach twists uncomfortably in hunger. Asking him to bring you fish would probably be futile.

Patting the firm heel you move away from his hand and dismiss his solemn whine. For a creature his size he sure was a bundle of nerves. “Don’t panic. I just need to eat something,” you pick the bottled water up once more and sip, keeping it held in your mouth for a few precious seconds. The sun flares as the giant creature moves silently, leaning in closer. He huffs through his nose at the food packets.

“Nu-uh, you can’t have these. They’re mine,” the biscuit falls apart, sodden between your damp fingers. Tasteless and yet not so insipid now that you’re with company. Swallowing thickly, you watch the large body bob and dither beside the boat, scrutinising your every move.

Hell, you’re not even doing anything particularly interesting. This must be how animals feel in zoos.

Dragging your gaze to the skies your thoughts turn toward getting home. There is nothing for miles. Laid out before you is a near seamless horizon, planes blurring together the longer you look. “Hey, Midoriya. Are you the only one out here, or are there more?” Whales were your first thought. They traveled in pods, to your knowledge. “Is that who called out to you last night?”

Midoriya’s answer comes in wide eyed blinks. A self deprecating smile thins across your lips. The lack of response is expected, though you are struck by the quick flash of emotion crossing his expression as you say, “Nevermind. As long as nothing comes around to eat me before I die on this stupid boat”.

Midoriya pouts. Shakes his head and makes it rain. He clicks firmly before descending into the depths again. You panic and scramble closer to the edge, wondering if you’d upset him, but find that he is lazily circling the area back and forth. His hair moves in soft tendrils around his face, dancing along the current. Your eyes widen, mouth open in awe as he dives lower and suddenly—

Opalescent hues of green and red. Breaching the surface Midoriya arcs his body into the air and twists his torso in your direction, arms splayed out in joy. There isn’t enough time to appreciate him all. His lower half is longer than his upper body, thicker at his waist bordered by wispy iridescent pelvic fins that flare in the breeze, another running the length of his spine. The tail tapers, narrowing toward a large fork ending with two broad fins.

He lands with a great splash. Exhilarated laughter shakes your shoulders as you cling to the nearest fixture, swaying clumsily over the oncoming waves. You squint through the thin spray. White sea foam ripples out in wide rings, sparkling softly under the sun and dissolving in the calm.

“Holy shit,” adrenaline numbs the tenderness throbbing in your gullet. Midoriya jumps again as he draws closer to you, this time with less height, and you cup your hands around your mouth to cheer for him. His beaming grin is all sharp teeth when he resurfaces, finned ears vibrating. He looks happy that you’re happy.

Part of you remains one foot in disbelief. You expect that anytime now you will wake up washed up on an old forgotten beach. Another cannot discount how real the mer feels under your palms as you reach for him, the vibration of his pleased hum shaking your bones and warming your belly. Midoriya rises up into the insignificant touch like a pampered feline and forces your arms wider to accept more of him.

A strong briney smell fills your senses. “That was incredible. Were you trying to cheer me up?” plastered to his cheek in some poor imitation of a hug, you press an exaggerated kiss to his cheek. A glow spreads across his skin like circuitry, crossing over his nose bridge, flushed red. It makes the air taste metallic. You feel another warm exhale billowing where his own mouth pouts, pushing against your lap. Tears prickle behind your eyes and you blink them away as the anxiety in your chest recedes, “Thanks, big guy”.

Midoriya keeps you company well into the day, never straying too far. You acclimate to his presence and feel at ease with him by your side. Hair half dry in the softening light of the afternoon sun he lets you coil his waves around your arm with eyes crinkled at the corners. He doesn’t appear to be bored in the slightest.

You’re kept under his watchful eyes as you amble around what remains of the boat for something, anything, that might help you get home. At one point you wade into the flooded cabin and search for the HF radio again only to be bombarded by a cornucopia of concerned wailing. Lesson learned: Midoriya does not like when you’re out of sight. You come up empty handed, vexed and dizzy.

There are a few instances you’re almost tipped over despite Midoriya’s determination to be careful. One by one, you are gifted with more current-smoothed stones and rusted trinkets than you know how to carry. His curious hand pokes at the broken equipment strewn around. You end up rambling for hours, explaining each gifted object to him to keep yourself conscious. It’s not as if the mer is an unwilling participant. You might be unable to understand him but the stuttered clicking and whistles he responds with are as close to conversation as you're going to get. Plus— it’s cute.

Noon elapses and no vessels in sight. Now laid beside the indent left in the hull, your vision rises and falls as the ocean shifts. Midoriya lies parallel to you, on his back, buoyed on the surface and sunning himself. He looks a lot more vibrant than before, as though he had really soaked up the daylight. A true picture of serenity. His eyes are closed for the first time; an opportunity to observe him candidly.

There are deep scars on his arms, and elsewhere too. Healed pink on skin and pallid white where his scales would be. Your gaze drags lower, over his bare front, appreciating the defined peaks of his abdomen. Down to a toned navel where scales climb over his hip bones, pale skin gradually blending into rich green. Further, to the powerful muscled tail elevated in the water. You absentmindedly lick your lips and wonder where his di—

You halt. Heat flashes through his body in a strange mix of shame and arousal and you violently shake your head as if to throw away the thought.

Midoriya hums. Snapping back you meet that drowsy half lidded stare, caught red handed. You gulp and offer a sheepish grin, “Sorry. I just wanted a closer look”.

At that the mer turns noiselessly and broad ripples fan out into the distance. Cautious, you push up onto your forearms as Midoriya proffered his hand, indicating that you jump onto his palm. Your spine straightens with a frisson of excitement.

“You’ll let me see?” you gestures to yourself and then to the others' languid repose. Midoriya’s eyelids blink. He tilts expectantly. “Fuck. Okay. Promise to catch me?”

Click, click, whistle. It’s as good a ‘yes’ as any.

Weak in the knees, you feel your thighs ache as you move. A rush of wind blows over, sharp and chilly. Your pulse throbs and knocks around your skull. It’s more strenuous than it should be to climb down, a deep instinct unwilling to part with the railings, fighting fear as you hang your lower body over the depths.

Midoriya scoops you up delicately. Your stomach rolls at the sudden change in direction, gravity bearing down on you. You land in the shallow of his palm on hands and knees. Head lifted, you lock eyes, and a sonorous trill thrums through your veins.

“What did I say about being caref—Hey!”

He brings you to his chest. Legs unfurl from under your hips as you slide down onto his collar and land feet first in the ankle deep water covering his body, soaking your pants through. Midoriya is safe, solid ground beneath you, buoyed on the ocean surface, yet still uniquely soft in the way relaxed muscle often is.

You keep tension in your abdomen for balance and give a cursory glance, first seeking permission before wading toward the cluster of green curling around his shoulders. A webwork glow blooms quietly across his skin and hems the edge of his scales red.

Midoriya’s pleased face takes up most of your peripheral vision. A plump mouth filled with pointed teeth that could swallow you whole juxtaposed by the wobbly smile playing on his lips. You crouch, knees wet, and brush your fingers against the hard plates decorating his skin. They’re slightly slimy and the smallest ones are the size of your hand.

“They’re beautiful, Midoriya,” you tell him earnestly, grinning. The kaleidoscopic patterns in his irises appear as though they’re dancing. Flecks of white and gold gleam amidst the green. Humming in dulcet tones, heavy streams of seawater rain down on you as his thumb comes to rest atop your head once again. There’s barely any pressure— seems you no longer need to worry that he might accidentally break your neck.

You squeezed your eyes shut, exhaling harshly as the thick rivulets trickled over your face and glaring the second you looked back at him. “You’re lucky you’re so cute,” your nose wrinkles, brine lingering unpleasantly in his nostrils. You think you can taste it in the back of your throat. Deku is busy preening, turned into the crook of his arm and creating waves, flustered by such a simple compliment.

A cherry blush follows the path of your thumb as it returns to smoothing over the tiny ridges impressed into each individual scale; retaining your heat for a few seconds before fading into green. They flash luridly at your words—specifically your praise. Knowing you had such an effect on a mer of his magnitude stokes something in you, possessive and fond, a feeling you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to replicate. But it also confirmed what you had been suspecting for most of the day.

“I knew it. You can understand me,” you accuse breathlessly. It isn’t a question. “You’ve been pretending this entire time”.

Midoriya’s expression wanes. His brows pinch into a doleful frown, eyes crossing to tentatively watch you stand and trudge toward his tucked chin, almost losing balance where his collarbones dip and the water suddenly deepens.

Fingers nudged under your thighs to act as a seat. You startle at the sudden elevation; it’s still surreal to feel the ground collapse beneath your feet, your knees collapsing against the pressure. Midoriya brings you up to his face, letting his tail sink into an upright position. Gasp caught in your throat you frantically hang onto the end of his nose. The large mer whistles quietly. Low and forlorn like an apology.

From up here you’re all too aware of up and down— endless in every direction, surrounded by a flat canvas of blue. He’s the only thing you can see for miles. Bottom low caught between your teeth you turn inward, squashing your cheek against him.

“You know I can’t stay here, right?” you tell him. Midoriya listens attentively. You’re close enough to hear the soft slide of lids drawing across his eyes, stained gills venting as he breathes, the waves crashing against his back. You point to the far horizon, “I need to go home, or close to it. Think you can help me one more time, hero?”

You aren’t prepared for the mer to sulk. The lower half of his face slips beneath the water and you’re face to face with a freckled forehead. Looking up at you now, eyes big and round like a puppy, he blows air out from his mouth to create a sad burst of bubbles. You had vastly underestimated his attachment to you; and your own fast-grown affection for him.

But he nods anyway, setting you back on the worn deck and righting his posture. Unfounded guilt squirms in your chest, tightening as you relays the plan in simple terms, knowing that these would probably be your final moments with him.

Get nearer to the shore and fire a flare. That was the plan. He pointed in a specific direction when you asked if he knew where the land was. Unable to understand his complex vocalisations you simply needed to trust he could do it. Easy— the day will darken so the flare will be more visible against the gloaming. You could play the fool and claim the tide brought you in. Most importantly there was no risk of Midoriya being seen and put in danger.

As the sky dims the sun begins to sheath itself below the horizon. The numbness spreading through your limbs at least meant you couldn’t feel the cold.

“We don’t need to get too close,” you kneel over the edge of the bow to speak to him. Hands that held you delicately are now wrapped around the hull, ready to push. “Your kind stays hidden for a reason, right? I don’t want people trying to come after you”.

You consider the gleam in his gaze. Appreciative and amused, as though he found it endearing that you would be worried about him. “That confident, huh?”

Receiving a toothy grin—eyes closing and smiling with him— you find you’re no longer nervous.

Consistently gentle, Midoriya guides the boat. The ocean parts around the oncoming obstruction and leaves behind a long trail of foam. That red network of veins returns, glowing across his upper body as the velocity increases, his powerfully muscled tail working to propel you forward and glinting in the warm evening light.

You call for him to stop when the distant skyline becomes uneven, the familiar bumps and divots of mountains near your port town and the islands surrounding it. The mer brakes abruptly, tall waves crashing up over the deck as your body is thrown backward, narrowly missing the broken mast. You can hear the various gifts he gave you rolling into one another over his frantic stuttered clicks as Midoriya tries to get a look in.

“I’m okay! I’m alive,” barely, you think. There’s a worrisome pain in your rib you can’t let yourself think about. The ground beneath you tips as his fingers come to rest on the boat's edge. You begin to slide on your ass, unceremoniously careening toward him, vertigo flooding your senses.

Midoriya catches you, murmuring at your spluttered curses. Abruptly, you cover his mouth and swallow the acrid bile crawling up your throat, mustering up a tired glare. Heart palpitating, it echoes harshly through your body. The muscles in your legs are heavy like wet sand and your vision doubles, overlaps, and then rights itself.

“Starting to think you like manhandling me,” you croaked teasingly. It’s a testament to Midoriya’s attentiveness that he hasn’t accidentally killed you yet. Though you wouldn’t be surprised if most of your organs had completely rearranged themselves given how you’ve been thrown around in the past few hours.

The playful air dwindles when reality rears it's head. “…I guess this is it, hero”.

There’s that sad sorry sound again. Melancholy bleeds into the atmosphere as silence befalls the two of you. Staring intently at one another, committing faces to memory; kiss curls tucked behind ears, faint sunspots, scales of green and honeydew, the luminescence that belies his true emotions. You wondered what Midoriya saw as he looked back at you. Just a silly lost human.

“Thank you, Midoriya,” your palm cups his cheek, thumb stroking beneath his eye, a touch that probably feels like an itch. He leans into it anyway. “You saved me twice now. I’ll never forget this”.

A mellifluous song thrummed in his throat. You feel the vibrations under your hand and it seeps honeyed and sweet into your bones. Outlined in soft evening light against a dusky sky, Midoriya nuzzles you one last time.

You’re anchored by unexpected grief when he sets you down. The hull rocks as the tide rolls. Water cascades down his scarred forearm as he lifts it up, fist unfurling to reveal a single scale. His scale.

You gape. “You’re giving me this…?”

He suddenly looks painfully bashful you scrambled to take it; a scale still wrought with luminescent colour, alive, still connected to him in ways he may never understand. Having it, holding him. Even after you were home Midoriya would be with you.

Emotion swells within you, struck by the trust you’ve been given. Merfolk remain a mystery for a reason. Human greed knows no bounds and money would be no object if you decided to sell him out.

“Thank you, I—I promise I’ll keep it safe. And you, Midoriya. I won't tell anyone,” you vowed, cradling the scale close.

Shadows widen across the bow as he then rises up ever so slightly. Midoriya dipped his chin. Your eyes reflexively clenched shut at the wet pillowy press of his lips taking up the entire left side of your face. A kiss. Seawater rivulets drop down to your collar, soaking into the fabric. Before you can speak he does it again, lower this time. Mouth pressed to your front, beginning at your chest and ending at your navel. A purr rumbles in his throat. You shudder, thighs clenching as the titillating vibrations reverberate between them.

When Midoriya pulls back his finned ears are vibrating earnestly and his scales flush red. The surface of the water is suddenly displaced and the waves are forced in every direction as he darts away from the boat with a trill, resurfacing a few feet away. “I see how it is. The type to hit and quit, eh?” your voice grows louder, lips twitching into a besotted smile. Egregiously lightheaded and giddy, you yell out, “I’ll miss you, Midoriya! Don’t forget about me!”

Midoriya responds in kind. He waves coyly—understanding more than he lets on—yet remains at a distance until the flare is lit. It arced far into the darkened sky with a quiet hiss, casting a spotlight over your stranded vessel, and only when lights blink in the distance does he disappear from view.

You tuck the scale into your waistband, concealed beneath your shirt. The rescue boat approaches at high speeds. Garish red with a v-shaped hull, cutting through the sea to reach you. There’s a five person squad sidling up at your side, immediately tending to any major injuries and tightly strapping a thick orange life jacket around your upper half.

“What happened?”

“Got caught in the storm last night. Was stranded until the tide brought me in”.

“Do you know your name?” You give it in full along with your birthday. “Are you dizzy? Nauseous?” More than they can imagine.

Concussion, they tell you. Fractures, probably.

“What’s all this?”

“Oh, that…” you turned to gaze at the collection of things Midoriya brought to you throughout the afternoon. “That was there when I woke up here”.

“Strange. Maybe a mer took a liking to ya,” the man, Oda, grins. His mouth is crooked, speaking in a tone meant to be playful.

“What makes you say that?”

He blinks, expression dimming. “Never heard the stories?” You shake your head. “Sailors used to say finding gifts an’ sea stones on board was an omen. Especially the shiny ones. Meant a mer wanted to seduce you”.

Another voice, their name escapes you, interrupts. “Eh? I thought they did that whole singing thing?”

Oda yanks a blanket around your shoulders with more force than necessary as he shoots his crew mate an exasperated glare. “That’s sirens, idiot”.

“What’s the difference?”

You tune out their bickering, acutely aware of all the polished stones in the pile. Of the scale hidden flat to your back. You look to the calm dark surface, throat swelling at the implication. Hand held to your left cheek you feel the plush impression of Midoriya’s lips like a phantom. Accepting his offerings— what had that meant? To him, to you?

The muffled voices come back into focus as Oda rounds on you once more, encouraging you onto the rescue vessel. “C’mon, let’s get’cha home. And don’t stress the big stuff, we’ll tow your boat in”.

You can’t take your eyes off the ocean, aching. The distinct feeling that you have misplaced something incredibly important sits poignantly in the recesses of your mind. It sees you to the dock, strong-armed into an ambulance because your legs have forgotten what solid earth is, and when the doors slam shut to obstruct the view your chest hollows out.

The hour is past midnight and the streets are empty. Miraculously you're mostly unharmed. You make it home with bruising, hairline fractures and a bad concussion. Your body looked a bit like a pollock painting if you squinted, blue and black converging on one another around your skin, vascular threads of purple hemming your ribcage. Painkillers dulled the pain enough that movement was tolerable.

Oda kept his word, decent enough to salvage your things. They are lumped together in a crate hidden in the doorway, an ever present reminder that what happened was real, not a figment of your concussed imagination. The scale remained awkwardly concealed under your shirt. You peel off your clothes, taking it between your hands. Vision adjusted to the darkness, you see a fleeting shimmer passing through the ridges, reflecting on your bedroom walls before dimming.

You climb into bed, plagued by thoughts of Midoriya. His plaintive farewell song, the reverent stars in his eyes whenever you spoke, the affectionate lean into your every touch. You should leave it alone. Let it be. A sane person would allow the memory age naturally and change into a story to recite over sake for years to come. After all, sometimes things just happened to you, like gravity or grief— or being the object of affection for a mer about the size of two school buses.

Scale cuddled to your front, the memory of his mouth laid itself against your sternum. It pins you to the mattress and begin to hum. The notes are almost tangible, echoing through skin, close-lipped and soothing. A final thought bleeds into your consciousness as it slips:

You hope you can find him again.

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #midoriya x reader #deku x reader

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fadingdaggerr · 1 year

Text

crystal clear

pairing: melissa schemmenti x gn!reader

summary: five times other people realized melissa was in love with you and the one time she realized it herself

warnings: mostly fluff, reader gets called a slur but it isn’t written

note: sorry i’ve been slow on updating, it’s finals week and a relative has had some a health scare :/

ava

when ava introduced you to the other teachers in the break room, she truly wasn’t going to give them much of a glance. a new teacher here that understood all the references she throws out instead of squinting? now that was someone she could hang out, and party, with outside of work.

but ava coleman is nothing if not observant. she sees the way melissa is struggling not to stare at you, the way her blinking looked almost forced. she brushes it off. you’re hot. at least she knows melissa isn’t blind, being down a teacher when she just hired one would suck.

it wasn’t until months later that ava actually noticed just how much of melissa’s attention was specifically for you. jacob had gotten you hooked on some show, now the two of you were excitedly talking about last night’s episode. ava listened to none of the nerdy word vomit coming from the two of you, but instead watched melissa gaze at you while you spoke. the soft look in her eyes and the barely noticeable smile almost made ava laugh, but she kept quiet.

this could be fun.

jacob

movie night this week was replaced by you and jacob watching the two hour finale of your show together. just as you got your snacks and drinks spread out, as well as every throw pillow you owned, and the ones jacob brought, arranged into a makeshift mega-couch, the buzzer of your apartment went off.

you scrambled to your feet, “melissa is here!”

jacob nearly choked on a swedish fish, “melissa? melissa like schemmenti?”

“what other melissa do we both know?” you laugh as you buzz her in, “she caught up so that she would watch with us,” you say with a big smile. jacob had thought melissa wouldn’t come to this movie night, the way barbara, janine, and gregory didn’t for tonight, and ava never came to any, claiming she was ‘too fine’ for the occasion. they didn’t watch thisv show, neither did melissa, until now.

“yeah… us,” he mutters under his breath.

“what?”

“nothing!”

jacob watches you nearly bouncing when you hear the knock on the door, rushing to answer it. he hears a muffled mel! followed by hey sweetheart. no one else, except barbara, could call her mel. he tried once and got a glare that still haunts his dreams. she was so easy to reply to you with a pet name, too. usually she called everyone dude, or kid, or just plain you. but not you, no, you got sweetheart.

jacob was almost convulsing, the realization was just too good. he covered his mouth in order to not scream. melissa schemmenti, notorious hardass, had a big, fat crush on you. he squeals at the thought.

“do not tell me you looked at a spoiler jacob abernathy hill!” you shout as you walk back in.

“abernathy?” melissa laughs, stopping the second you look at her, before looking at jacob for an answer.

he stiffens, “nope. just super excited to see this all happen.”

janine

being yanked by the sleeve into her classroom like a raggedy anne doll was not what janine expected on a monday morning. jacob shut the door and turned to look at janine, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“i have got to tell you something,” jacob says with excitement practically oozing from him.

“what is it? is barbara okay?” janine asks quickly.

“no, no. barbara is fine, it’s something good. i’m not going to spoil the big surprise, i wanna see it on your face,” jacob answers, “but i’ll give you a hint.”

“oh my god, jacob. please just get to the point.”

“yes, sorry,” he clears his throat, “melissa has got one of the biggest crushes i’ve ever seen, second only to yours on grego-”

janine smacks a hand over his mouth, “uh-uh. who is it?”

“i can’t tell you!” jacob sing-songs as he rushes from her classroom.

the next week has janine practically stalking melissa around every corner. she watches her hold the door for you, shove jacob out of the way so she can get the last iced tea, roll her eyes aggressively when ava spoke, hold tacks for you as you hung up the new monthly decorations, then hold your hand as you stepped down from the from the chair.

janine saw in real time how melissa’s tough exterior dropped with you. she watched her handle you so gently, anyone would think you were made from glass, but you didn’t seem to notice. it was so normal for you to see this side of melissa, you couldn’t see that it was different. janine scurried to her classroom to happy dance quickly before calming herself, as much as janine is capable, before leaving to get the kids from the art room.

gregory

thankfully, janine’s knowledge of melissa’s feelings for you did not make front page news or into the morning announcements. janine felt it a safer choice for her and jacob if they just kept this secret to themselves, which left gregory in the dark.

gregory only heard mutters of your name and melissa’s, which gave him some sort of direction about their whisperings. he looks towards you, seeing you leaned into melissa while looking at something on her phone. totally normal. gregory continued to eat his also totally normal sandwich, boiled chicken is not weird.

it feels a little less normal after janine called melissa a bad teacher, leaving janine unprepared for the might of courtney’s troublemaking. when the kids are at recess, gregory starts towards the lounge but is stopped by voices inside your classroom. he stops to listen, suddenly intrigued.

“do you think she’s right, though? she wouldn’t just say that normally,” melissa says, her voice tense and sad.

“no, i don’t think she’s right. she got an ego trip from thinking it was a real requested transfer and it spilled over, i don’t think she meant it,” your voice is calm, soothing in a way.

“are you sure?”

you laugh softly, “of course. you’re one of the best teachers in the world. i know it, janine knows it, hell, stanley tucci knows it.” your words make melissa laugh, something she very much needed it seemed.

gregory feels the need to take just a tiny peek. he sees your arm around melissa’s shoulders, her head on your shoulder while yours rests on hers, your fingers gently playing with the loose curls in her hair. melissa looks relaxed, content even. he’d never seen her showing physical affection to anyone, except the occasional side hug to barbara. but she was leaning on you, playing with the hem of your shirt as she spoke, letting you playing with her hair.

gregory stepped away from the door and started briskly walking to the lounge. so that’s why jacob and janine were so giggly about you two.

barbara

barbara knows her friend very, very well. she saw the look she gave you the first time she met you. she also clocked every other look melissa has sent your way since. at first she thought melissa was just checking you out, but after a few weeks the heat in her gaze turned to cartoonish heart eyes bulging out of her head.

barbara was no fool, she saw how you acted with melissa. it didn’t slip her mind once that you also had feeling for the red head. she watched the dance between you two, smiling at the fact her best friend was so happy, even if she didn’t realize it. barbara keeps her smile to herself.

legendary schools was a hyperactive bull running through abbott elementary’s very delicate china shop. parents were snapping at teachers left and right, one setting off melissa’s ‘fight-or-fight’ response. jacob walks in, babbling about a commercial. he almost asks where you are so you be part of the conversation for the take-down plan, but he’s cut off by yelling in the hallway.

everyone rushes out to see the mother of one of your students in your face. barbara can see that you’re trying not to cry at the cruel words, but she also sees how you’re holding your own. you don’t yell back, only speaking when the mother takes a breath. a word barbara cannot and will not repeat strikes through the air, silencing everyone around you. your face drops immediately, looking like you’d been harshly slapped.

melissa is walking down the hall before anyone can stop her, immediately in front of you. “you got some nerve talking like that around here. what is this, 1951?” melissa barks at the parent, holding herself back from swearing at and beating the living day lights out of someone on this seemingly normal thursday afternoon.

“you have teachers in this school pushing their own shit onto our kids, and you’re defending it? you’ve got a cross around your neck!” the mother yells.

“liberation movements are part of the curriculum. i asked the kids what three topics they were most interested in and we covered those, i didn’t choose,” you try reasoning from behind melissa, she won’t let you move from your spot.

barbara heads over and speaks to the mother with a plastic smile, “i’m going to have to ask you to leave, the school day is done. i’m sure you’d prefer to re-educate your child with some ignorance at home, correct?”

ava leads the mother away and barbara focuses on you; your breathing is fast and you can’t tear your eyes from the floor, lip wobbling. melissa’s hands gently go to your shoulders, you barely nod before she’s pulling you into a hug. barbara can see that melissa is whispering to you, but she can’t make out the words, she just sees you nod. you pull away from melissa slowly before taking off to your classroom to get your stuff and leave.

barbara comes to melissa’s side, “going back to your place?” melissa nods and follows you down the hall.

she filled in barb later that you watched golden girls on the couch until you fell asleep against melissa’s shoulder. barbara watched the muted smile on melissa’s lips struggle against her efforts to conceal it. lord this woman was whipped.

melissa

melissa knew she loved you, but truthfully not to the extent in which she did. she had spent so long convincing herself she cared about you the same she cared for all her friends, that she didn’t see the love for you was different. somewhere between you bringing her lattes and her letting you use her lap as a pillow on movie nights, the lines between what was friendship and what was maddening love for you blurred.

melissa’s first hint that she had feelings for you should’ve been when she started looking for you. it was so small but when she realized she was doing it, she’d blush and force herself to look down. during meetings she watched you take notes, then watched as those notes slowly turned to doodles of flowers and fossils. you’d given her a very accurate drawing of a bumble bee after an ava-centered meeting. you’d told her it was because her name meant honeybee in greek, before walking back down to your classroom, leaving melissa with honeybees buzzing in her chest.

—

the day she actually realized she had full on, gross, huge feelings for you, you’d been running late. you ran into the break room with a mug already in hand, bag haphazardly over your shoulder. everyone collectively looked at you with a little bit of shock.

with a stern face you stated back, “speak now or forever keep your two cents. i’m not a fan of staring.”

immediately all eyes dropped back down, except for melissa’s. she just kept watching you move about with quick steps, pouting at the change in the normal routine. she moves to the coffee maker and pours you a cup, using the creamer you prefer from the fridge. you only responded with a relieved smile and a mouthed ‘thank you.’

she watched you hurriedly get your classroom ready for the students, a small smile across her rosy lips. “you want help or are you enjoying the crazy chicken dance?”

you huffed at her, “ha ha, schemmenti,” your fake glare dropped, “could you pass out the science quizzes? they’re on my desk.”

melissa looks over your desk as she grabbed the papers, taking note of the knickknacks and pictures. the funko pop of dorothy from golden girls makes her smile, so does the sketchbook with a bee sticker on the cover.

she passed out the quizzes, and helped you prep the whiteboard for the day. you chatted lightly, but mostly just moved around each other while music played. it was so incredibly peaceful, the ease of it made her feel this warmth in her chest.

“thank you for helping me, melissa. truly. you didn’t have to,” you say as you finish rearranging the classroom chore chart.

“it’s no problem, really… i like spending time with you,” melissa says tentatively, gauging your reaction.

any nervous energy she may have had dissipates when you smile and duck your face down. you look back up at her, shy smile on your lips, “i like spending time with you too.”

you walked with her to get the kids from drop off, standing just a little bit closer than usual.

—

today was different. this beautiful saturday morning with you practically pulling her around the flea market. you inspected every item on the table with equal curiosity, always showing melissa your favorite things and things you think she’d like. her smile never fades and her eyes never leave you.

as you finish having lunch under the large center tent, she sees your eyes widen with excitement.

“what? what is it?” melissa says through her final bite of a hotdog.

you grab her hand and pull her towards what she now sees as the mini petting zoo. your immediately cradling the face of a goat, baby talking it to high heaven. she walks up next to you, gently petting the top of the goats head.

“he likes you,” she says.

“only him?” you say with a laugh, watching another goat approach, now wanting the attention his friend was getting from you two.

melissa laughs to hide her shock at your words before facing you, “no, definitely not just him.”

your smile grows at her words, the way you bite your lip makes melissa feel a little faint. thankfully she gets a moment to breathe when you’re distracted by a piglet coming towards you, making you squeal in delight. in this moment, melissa was sure she loved you.

melissa stands back up after bit, going over to grab both of you a lemonade. when she walks back, the words she hears only solidify her thoughts.

an older gentleman approaches you, “you and your wife are a beautiful couple.”

his words clearly shock you, “oh,” but she sees you push it down before responding with a kind smile, “why thank you, that’s very sweet! she’s definitely the beautiful one.”

when you turned, you see melissa and immediately move towards her. she wordlessly hands you a lemonade, which you accept as well as loop your arm with hers. she’s quiet as you walk back to the car and place your purchases in the backseat.

before she can start the car, you place a hand on hers, “you okay? you’re just a little quiet.”

“yeah, sweetheart. never been better,” she says, squeezing your hand. she relishes in your tugging her arms and hugging it, stretching across the console to rest you head on her shoulder as she drives you back to her place for dinner and a movie, as always.

melissa ann schemmenti realized she was big time in love with you that day.

not sure if i love this but let me know what y’all think :)

#melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti #lisa ann walter #abbott elementary

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fortheloveofwonderland · 4 months

Text

Me & You & Everyone We Know | Chapter 19 | S.R

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - With the help of his BAU family, Spencer starts making some positive strides in bettering himself. He and Maeve have a long overdue heart to heart in which they come to a mutual understanding.

A/N - here is the penultimate chapter!

Pairing - Single Dad! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending, smut minors DNI.

Warnings - hangovers, vomit, Spencer’s bad decision making, swearing, attempted one night stand, tears, BAU team as family, serious conversations, letting go of the past and moving on, talk of pregnancies, long overdue apologies, chapter starts angsty but there is a surprising amount of fluff in this.

WC - 5.9k

Chapter 19 - We're Good

No need to hide it,

Go get what you want.

This won't be a burden if we both don't hold a grudge.

I think it's pretty plain and simple,

We gave it all we could.

It's time I wave goodbye from the window,

Let's end this like we should and say we're good.

Spencer did wake up, but not through lack of trying otherwise. When he did open his eyes, his head throbbed so wildly he felt like someone had it in a vice.

His mouth was drier than the sprawling Nevada desert he’d once called home. His limbs ached violently, his back felt as though he’d been folded in half.

He blinked a few times, trying to work out where exactly he was. He didn’t have any memory past the fourth scotch, after that everything went black.

He was staring at a white surface, possibly a wall or a door which was no more than a foot in front of him, the surface beneath his face was cool and hard, certainly not a pillow.

He’d been laying on his side so he forced himself onto his back and tried to figure out if he knew the ceiling he was now staring up.

It was white with a nondescript light bulb hanging in the centre. A little way to the left there was a large water stain he thought he recognised.

He blinked at it, trying to pull a memory to the front of his fractured brain. Lily was two. Splashing in the bathtub. She threw her little body down so violently in the water she had sent a tidal wave crashing through the entire bathroom.

Spencer had been soaked from his head to his toes. They’d had to replace the old floorboards for porcelain tiles. The kind of cool, hard tiles beneath his back. On the ceiling had been left a large water mark.

He rolled his head to the other side and saw the bathtub next to him. At the very least he’d made it home.

He inhaled deeply before slowly exhaling and pushing himself into a seating position. He groaned, holding his head in his hands.

He’d been hungover plenty of times before but not like this. This felt like the end of the goddamn world.

The toilet seat was up and he could just about see the vomit pooled in the bottom of the bowl. He pulled a face and dragged himself towards it on his hands and knees, shut the lid and flushed it.

Using the toilet cistern he got to his feet, wobbling as he did so. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, his hair a complete mess and little flecks of vomit in the corners of his mouth.

He ran the faucet and washed his face with cold water. Not having the effort to brush his teeth right now, instead he grabbed the bottle of mouthwash and swilled an ample amount around his mouth before spitting it out in the sink.

Looking back at himself in the mirror he noticed now he was shirtless. He frowned, closing one eye in an attempt to aid his pounding head. He let his open eye fall down his body to see he was in fact completely naked.

He shook his head, turning to the open bathroom door. He found his clothes in a haphazard trail along the landing leading to his bedroom.

His bedroom, yes, a bed that’s what he needed. A couple of hours of decent sleep should help cure this rotten hangover.

He stumbled through the door, ready to collapse but stopped short when he saw there was already a figure in his bed.

She was awake, staring at him with a combination of annoyance and frustration. Spencer frowned at her, still wobbling on his feet.

“Uh,” he scratched the back of his neck. “I’m sorry but who the fuck are you?”

“Wow,” she scoffed indignantly. “Just wow.”

Spencer watched through bleary eyes as she got out of bed and started throwing her clothes back on, huffing periodically. He tried to remember where he’d met her, who she was and how she had ended up in his bed but his memory failed him. Once she was dressed again she turned to him and folded her arms across her chest.

“First you can’t get it up and now you don’t even remember me? You’re a charmer.” She rolled her eyes.

“We didn’t sleep together?” He closed one eye again as the room started to spin.

“No,” she huffed again. “You must have drank too much, couldn’t get hard.”

“Of course I couldn’t.” He sighed. “That tracks. Please see yourself out.”

With that he collapsed in a heap on the bed, burying his face into the pillow. He heard her scoff and then her footsteps getting further away. After a minute he heard the front door open and close.

He closed his eyes without protest, not allowing himself to think about how royally he fell off the wagon last night. Maybe he’d never get sober, perhaps he wasn’t able to function without alcohol.

Maybe his kids would be better off living with their mother full time and leaving Spencer to spiral into alcoholism.

Thankfully his brain shut off for long enough to enable him to fall asleep, laying on his front on top of the covers whilst nuzzling the pillow.

When he woke up again, it was with a start, as though he’d been shocked by an electric current. His eyes shot open and his heart was rampantly hammering against his ribcage.

He immediately rolled over in bed, squinting against the onslaught of light through the open curtains. A silhouette stood in the window but he couldn’t work out who or what it was.

“Oh Jesus Christ, Reid,” the voice groaned. “Cover yourself up, please?”

Spencer looked down at his body, still naked and exposed to whoever was in his bedroom. Without much contemplation he pulled the sheet over his lower half and attempted to sit up in the bed.

The shadowy figure got closer and he half thought he was imagining it. He’d lived with his demon so long that maybe they were now coming to life.

When the haze cleared, Emily Prentiss’s face appeared through the fog and she sat down on the edge of the mattress.

“Emily?” He croaked. “What are you doing here? How did you get in?”

“I knocked for like twenty minutes, called you multiple times. I tried the door and it was unlocked so I let myself in.” She shrugged. “By the way, I found your dog shut in the kitchen. He’d almost worn a hole in the door from scratching.”

“Ah shit, I must have forgotten he was in there.” He rubbed his eyes with his palms.

“I thought Tara went with you to a meeting last night?” Emily asked, concern lacing her words.

“She did.” He nodded.

“So what happened? Clearly you’re hungover.”

“After the meeting I went and irreparably fucked up my life.” He pulled a face, pushed his hair back from his eyes.

“What does that mean?” Emily frowned.

“It means I went to see Y/N. I slept with her and then I told her I didn’t really love her and that I only told her that to get her into bed.” He sighed with a shake of his head. “Pretty good night, right?”

“Oh Spence,” she placed her hand on his bare shoulder. His skin was hot and blanched. “You really aren’t yourself lately.”

“No kidding,” he scoffed. “Emily I am utterly lost. I am out at sea with no life raft and I can’t see the fucking shore.”

“You put your feelings over what happened with Maeve on the backburner for so long, it was inevitably going to catch up on you. You met someone, you started to fall for her and then you were reminded of the last time that happened to you. You were reminded of what Maeve did and how much that broke you.” She whispered, gently squeezing his shoulder.

“I’m going to lose my kids if I can’t sort my shit out.” He seemingly ignored her, changing the subject. “Emily, I cannot lose my girls. It will destroy me.”

“You’re not going to lose them.” She gave him one of those looks that always made him feel like she knew something he didn’t. It was hard not to believe her when she looked at him like that.

“How do you know that?” He sighed.

“Because I know you,” she shrugged. “Because you would go to the ends of the earth for Daisy and Lily, you would do anything for them. You raised Daisy whilst working one of the most demanding jobs there is. You raised Lily while your wife was cheating on you. You have raised them both this past year practically alone and they are two of the best kids I have ever met. You are the best dad I have ever met.

You have sacrificed so much for your daughter’s, things much harder than giving up drinking. You’ve got this, Reid, for that I have absolutely no doubt. You will stop drinking, last night was the last drink you ever have, do you understand me? You will go to meetings, you will let me and the rest of the team help you. You will lean on us the way every single one of us has leaned on you at some point in our lives. We’re family Spencer, you aren’t going through this alone.”

His bottom lip quivered and soon a few tears rolled from his eyes and down his cheeks. Sometimes he forgot that they were family. He sometimes thought just because he’d left the BAU he wasn’t a part of that anymore. But family was stronger than that.

“I love you, you know that right?” He sniffed. “I don’t say it enough but I love all of you.”

“That’s the beauty of family,” she smiled. “We already know.”

“I think I’d like to shower and then maybe go to a meeting.” He rolled his lip between his teeth. “Would you come with me?”

“Of course I will,” Emily nodded. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?” He frowned sceptically at her.

“You let me call the rest of the team. I think this is something we should all be together for.”

“Ok.” He nodded. “Ok.”

“I’m proud of you.” Emily smiled as she stood up.

“Don’t be yet, give me a few weeks of sobriety first.” He inhaled, waiting for Emily to leave but she didn’t seem as though she planned on going anywhere. “Uh, Emily?”

“Yes Reid?”

“If you want me to get up you’re going to need to turn around or something. Unless you want another eye full.”

“Oh shit, yeah, sorry.” She laughed awkwardly, turning towards the door. “I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

Spencer slipped out of the bed, ignoring the pounding in his head, just as Emily opened his bedroom door.

Another figure stood on the other side, eyes quickly flicking from Emily to Spencer and his naked form.

“Oh jeez!” Luke rapidly put his hand up to cover his eyes. “What the fuck have I walked in on?”

“Did my house have a revolving door fitted without my knowledge?” Spencer cupped his crotch in his hands. “Where do you people keep coming from?”

“I thought we were taking Taco to the park.” Luke groaned.

“Change of plan, Alvez.” Emily laughed at his obvious discomfort. “Let’s go put the kettle on and I’ll explain everything.”

***

An hour later the BAU team had gathered and sat in the back row of the community hall while Spencer took to the stage.

Gathering the troops had been an easy feat. After Emily had told Luke the whole story over coffee she’d sent a text to Penelope simply stating: Spencer SOS and the address of the community centre.

As expected, Garcia had rallied the rest of them and they all met outside of the building in downtown DC.

Emily was closest to the aisle, JJ next to her who was clutching her hand for dear life. Penelope on JJ’s other side was getting the same treatment.

Luke was next to Penelope, his arm around his girlfriend's shoulder. Matt was next to him offering Luke the occasional glance and gentle smile.

To Matt’s left was Tara who drummed her fingers on her thigh until Rossi, on her other side, placed his hand on top of hers to still her.

Seven of the members of the BAU family sat and watched their eighth member awkwardly stand at the podium, take a deep breath and speak.

“I’m Spencer Reid,” he paused briefly to close his eyes for a second or two and then open them again. “And I’m an alcoholic.”

***

Two days later Spencer opened his front door to be assaulted by his daughters throwing themselves at him.

He was clear headed, forty eight hours sober and feeling surprisingly good.

Ok, maybe good was a stretch. He felt fine, average at best. But having his girls home and the grip in which they held him made him feel on top of the world.

“Daddy!” Lily screeched, burying into his shirt. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too dad.” Daisy sighed in content as she spoke.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you two.” He squeezed them tightly, relishing in having them back.

He glanced at Maeve who was standing on the steps behind them, hands in her pockets. Bobby was in his car on the drive.

“Can we talk?” Maeve mouthed at him so the girls wouldn’t hear. He nodded in reply.

“Girls, I think Taco has missed you nearly as much as I have. I think he’s in the yard, why don’t you go find him.” He placed a kiss on both of their heads as they let him go and rushed past him inside the house, screaming the dog's name. “I would invite you inside but I’ve spent most of the last few days packing for the move and the house is a disaster.”

“It’s fine,” Maeve smiled, keeping her hands in her pockets as she sat down on the front step, Spencer doing the same. “The girls said you were moving.”

“It’s time I think. I’m not sure I ever really liked this house.” He chuckled.

“Oh I’m sure you never liked this house.” Maeve laughed too.

“It served a purpose, but it’s time to move on.” He nodded with a wistful smile. “So how was California? The girls seemed like they had a great time.”

“They did, it was so nice to spend that much time with them.” She narrowed her eyes on him, he could see her trying to read him. “How was your week?”

“My week?” He pulled a face. “It was…eventful. Enlightening maybe.”

“You look…tired.” Her eyebrows furrowed a little.

“That’s one word for it.” He exhaled. “I’ve been struggling if truth be told. For a long time. But I’m making some changes, I’m trying.”

“Oh yeah?” Her lip twitched at the corner.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’m starting to see things from another perspective. I pushed you away. I was never what you needed me to be.”

“Maybe, but it still doesn’t excuse what I did.” Maeve shook her head sadly.

“It doesn’t. But I think I’m starting to understand. I need you to know I’m sorry for everything I’ve said and done since our separation.” It looked like it pained him a little to admit as much.

“I need to tell you something.” She sighed, rolling her lip between her teeth.

“Did you forget I was a profiler for many years? Not to mention the fact that I know you inside out, even after all this time.” He cocked an eyebrow at her.

“What?”

“Maeve, I knew the second you got out of the car.” He whispered, eyes welled with tears.

She swallowed thickly, feeling her own eyes brimming.

“The girls don’t know yet.” She sniffed.

“They’re going to be thrilled. Lily’s always wanted a little brother or sister. And you always did want that boy.” A tear crept from his eye but he made no attempt to brush it away.

“There is one more thing.” Maeve sniffed again.

“You’ve had your hands in your pockets since you got here.” Spencer shrugged. “Let me see it, Maeve.”

Maeve closed her eyes as a few of her own tears escaped. She removed her hands from her pockets and brandished the large, diamond ring on her finger.

“Wow,” Spencer croaked, a couple more tears rolling from his eyes. “I’m…happy for you.”

“How much did it pain you to say that?” Maeve laughed through her tears and Spencer couldn’t help but do the same.

“Only a little.” He shrugged.

“He makes me happy.” Maeve nodded, swallowing again.

“And I didn’t.” Spencer sighed.

“Don’t say that.” She reached for him, grasping his hand in her own. “Of course you made me happy. I did love you Spencer. We were just never fated to have a happy ending.”

“I’m starting to think I’m not fated to any kind of happy ending.” He huffed.

“I think you already found it but for whatever reason you pushed her away.” Maeve squeezed his hand.

“Who called you?” He rolled his eyes, knowing this had the BAU all over it.

“Rossi, he’s the only one who doesn’t hate me.”

“They don’t hate you.” He shook his head. “I’m starting to think I might hate Rossi though.”

“Blasphemy.” Maeve laughed. “He’s worried about you, they all are. I’m worried about you.”

“I told her I didn’t love her. I told her I lied to her just to get her into bed. I said some horrible things to her. I told her that I couldn’t risk the girls getting hurt again and she accused me of being a coward. She was right.” More tears fell from his eyes. “The truth is I don’t think I can take another hit, I’m barely holding it together. Isn’t it easier to just be alone than risk that kind of pain?”

“Look Spencer,” Maeve gripped his hand tighter. “I think it’s better to have someone. Even if it hurts. Even if it’s the most painful thing you have to do. Even if it’s the most painful thing you ever have to do. I think it’s better to have someone.”

“Jesus,” Spencer choked on a sob. “Stop making me like you.”

“You don’t like me, you love me.” She chuckled.

“Isn’t that a painful truth?” He laughed too.

“You misunderstand me. You love me,” she repeated, letting go of his hand and getting to her feet. “But you’re not in love with me. Not anymore. You called me the love of your life but we both know that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” He frowned up at her.

“No,” she smiled with a shake of her head. “We had a great relationship for the most part Spencer. I loved you, I was in love with you. But we weren't the loves of each other's lives.”

“Because yours is Bobby.” He stood up.

Maeve placed her hands on her stomach, not yet showing signs of the life growing inside of her, her ring glistening in the sunlight.

“And Y/N is yours.” She shrugged.

“I’m not so sure.” He shook his head. “But thanks anyway.”

“You’re going to be ok, you have to believe that.”

“I’m trying. Like I said, I’m making changes.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “In that vein, I, uh, spoke to my lawyer yesterday. We started drawing up a new custody agreement.”

“New? As in…” she frowned at him.

“The girls will spend one week with me, one week with you. We’ll switch out the holidays every year. It’s still a work in progress but if it's something you would be interested in…” he trailed off and suddenly Maeve was throwing herself into his arms, with so much force he almost fell over.

He tentatively wrapped his arms around her, accidentally inhaling her shampoo. He thought it might cause him to crumble. But it didn’t.

The smell didn’t breed the kind of sad nostalgia of someone who lost his wife to another man. It was a comforting smell, a familiar smell. It was a reminder that he’d loved this woman but no longer felt that way about her.

The simple smell ignited a hope within him that he and Maeve would one day be able to be friends. If they weren’t already.

“Are you serious?” She squeezed him tightly.

“Yeah, I think it would do us all good.” He stroked her back.

“Thank you, Spencer. You have no idea what that means to me.” She sniffed, pulling back a little so she could look at him.

His hands found her face, cupping her cheeks delicately and brushing away her tears.

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.” He smiled at her. “Are we going to be ok?”

“I think for the first time in a long time, we might well be.” She smiled back.

“Truce?”

“Truce.” She agreed.

“You should get back to your future husband.” Spencer leaned in and placed the softest kiss on her cheek before letting her go, both physically and metaphorically.

“A part of me will always love you, Spencer Reid.”

“I should hope so.” He teased. “Now get out of here before you make me cry again.”

“See you soon, yeah?” She spoke as she walked backwards down the stairs.

“I hope so. I really do.” He nodded, watching her go.

It was funny really, he’d never realised the extent of the weight of his hatred towards Maeve until he finally decided to let it go.

As he watched her happily slip into the car and kiss Bobby while toying with the new ring on her finger, Spencer felt lighter than he had done in years.

He was happy for Maeve and Bobby and their future child, really genuinely happy for them.

Maybe one day he’d find that kind of happiness. But for now he was content spending his time with his two girls.

***

Spencer focused the next few weeks on his daughter’s and his own rocky mental health. He went to therapy twice a week, took his medication every day and he hadn't had a sip of alcohol in nineteen days.

The girls spent the week after they arrived back from California with him and they took trips to the park, museums and everywhere in between. The second week he let them spend with Maeve even though the new custody agreement wasn’t finalised, he didn’t see the point in waiting.

And the girls loved spending more time with their mom, even Daisy.

While they were at their mom's, Spencer continued packing up the house, going on long walks and seeing his friend’s when he could to help distract himself from the need to drink.

Or the need to call you.

He’d almost called you over a dozen times but every time he went to, he called Emily instead. When he was craving alcohol he called Tara and when he wanted to boot his dog in the face he called Luke.

He knew there weren’t enough apologies in the world to make up for what he’d said to you and the way he’d treated you and it wasn’t fair of him to keep dragging you into his messy life. He loved you, but he needed to let you go.

Maybe one day, once the dust settled and he had a handle on his problems then the two of you might find your way back to each other. If it was meant to be, it would be.

But for now he needed to focus on himself and the girls. Everything else had to wait.

The day Daisy and Lily were coming back to Spencer’s for the next week, he met Maeve and his daughters in the park.

The girls were having a picnic with their mom while Bobby was at work, Daisy laying on her front, head in her phone, most likely texting Cam. Lily was playing with her new favourite stuffed toy, a surfing otter she had gotten in California.

The girls didn’t know he would be joining them, the four of them hadn’t done anything together since Maeve left. She saw him approach them and smiled at him.

“Hey girls, look who it is.” She nudged them both by their shoulders.

Lily looked up wide eyed from her otter while Daisy took a second or two longer to tear herself away from her phone. His eldest sat up and frowned at him while his youngest grinned the brightest smile in his direction.

“Daddy!” Lily squealed.

“Dad? What are you doing here?”

“Seemed like a nice day for a picnic.” He shrugged as he got closer, slowly lowering himself down to the blanket on the grass, next to Maeve, giving her a smile.

“Nope,” Daisy suddenly shook her head. “Nuh uh.”

“What?” Maeve frowned at her daughter.

“You two are not getting back together. No way, please god.” The teenager sounded incredulous.

“What on earth would make you think that?” Spencer chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“I have not once seen the two of you smile at each other since you split up.” She was frowning at them.

Lily simply looked between them in confusion.

“We are most certainly not getting back together.” Maeve laughed.

“Yeah, never gonna happen.” Spencer chuckled too.

“Oh thank god.” Daisy breathed a sigh of relief.

“Would it really be the end of the world if your parents got back together?” Maeve was still laughing.

“Yes.” She pulled a face. “I love you guys but you are so much better apart.”

“I mean, I can’t say I disagree.” Spencer shrugged.

“Same here.” Maeve nodded. “And you know Bobby and I are getting married.”

“I’m going to be a bridesmaid!” Lily cheered.

“I was just making sure you hadn’t changed your mind.”

“You don’t need to worry, your mom and I are pretty set on this whole divorce thing.” Spencer insisted.

“Well something is going on.” Daisy’s gaze shifted between her parents.

“I do have something to tell you and I wanted your dad to be here when I did.” Maeve instinctively placed her hand on her belly. “Daisy, Lily, you’re going to get a little brother or sister.”

Lily’s whole face lit up and she started rocking back and forth where she sat.

“I won’t be the little one anymore?” She beamed.

“No sweetheart you won’t.” Maeve ruffled her hair.

“Can I have a brother? I don’t want another sister.” She wrinkled her nose.

“Uh, it doesn’t work like that I’m afraid.” Maeve laughed. “Daisy, do you have anything to say?”

“Not that I can say in front of her.” Daisy shot her sister a look.

“Why?” Lily whined.

“Because you’re a baby.” Daisy hissed.

“I am not!”

Maeve and Spencer exchanged a curious look, unsure of what their eldest wanted to say. Spencer sighed before turning to Lily.

“Lil, why don’t you go play on the jungle gym? I’ll be right over.” He asked her softly.

She pulled a face like she might argue but then she huffed and reluctantly stood up.

“Fine,” she sassed him. “But I am not a baby.”

Spencer and Maeve watched her run off towards the jungle gym before turning back to Daisy who had her arms folded and was glaring at them in frustration.

“You guys are the worst.” She spat.

“Excuse me, young lady?” Spencer frowned at her.

“What exactly have we done to earn us that title?” Maeve added.

“You guys slept together?” She hissed, eyes wide. “You’re having another kid but you aren’t getting back together? And you’re marrying Bobby?”

Maeve and Spencer started to laugh out of nowhere, seeing their daughter’s error. Daisy frowned at them while they chuckled heartily.

“Oh pumpkin,” Spencer shook his head. “This is not my baby.”

“We maybe should have said you’d be having a half brother or sister.” Maeve giggled.

“Also I don’t love that you know how babies are made.” Spencer pulled a face.

“I’m fourteen, dad.” Daisy rolled her eyes. “Pretty sure you knew where babies came from when you were fourteen.”

“I had an IQ of one hundred and sixty one when I was fourteen, of course I knew where babies came from.” He clucked.

“So to confirm,” Daisy frowned again. “You did not sleep with-”

“Please don’t say it again.” Maeve cut her off. “No Daisy, we did not. Bobby is the father of my baby, not your dad.”

“Gross so you slept with Bobby.” Daisy pulled a disgusted face.

“Can this conversation please be over now?” Maeve asked no one in particular.

“I’ve got a kid to see about a jungle gym,” Spencer pushed himself up to his feet. “Have fun.”

Spencer left them, heading towards where Lily was hanging from the jungle gym, swinging herself back and forth. He came close to her and placed his hands on her hips and she dropped into his arms.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and arms around his neck while he held her by her thighs. She smiled brightly at him.

“Are you ok, pumpkin? You’re happy about all of this? You’re mom marrying Bobby and having a little brother or sister?” He started carrying her towards the swing set.

“I think so.” She nodded, but she had a curious expression on her face.

“What are you thinking?” He used one arm to hold her, his free hand brushing her unruly hair back off her face.

“If mommy marries Bobby, does that mean he’s my daddy now?” She pouted. “Because I don’t want him to be my daddy. I want you to be my daddy.”

Spencer’s heart wrenched at the mere thought of his kids calling someone else daddy. He grinded his teeth for a moment as he lowered her onto the swing and dropped to his knees in front of her.

“Lily, I will always be your daddy, ok? Nothing is ever going to change that. When Bobby marries your mom he becomes your step-dad, but you don’t have to call him that, you can keep on calling him Bobby. I will be your daddy for the rest of your life, pumpkin. Promise.” He used his index finger to poke the end of her nose and she giggled.

“Ok!” She nodded bouncily. “That’s good because you’re the best daddy in the whole wide world and I wouldn’t want another one.”

He closed his eyes for a few beats, trying to force the tears back.

“And you are the best daughter in the whole wide world, you and Daisy. And I wouldn’t want another one of either of you.” He smiled at her.

Lily gripped the chains of the swing and leaned closer to her father, placing a rather sloppy kiss on his own nose.

“I love you daddy.” She beamed.

“I love you too, pumpkin. You have no idea how much.”

***

Waiting outside of the theatre he checked his watch again and huffed out a breath. The movie should have finished fifteen minutes ago, at least that’s what she’d told him.

He didn’t like this one bit. He didn’t like his daughter going on dates, he didn’t like being made to wait fifteen minutes after a movie finished because Daisy and Cam were doing god knows what. He didn’t like anything about this.

He looked at his watch again, wondering how much time could pass before it was appropriate to go in and look for her. When he glanced back up a set of sparkling blue eyes were staring at him.

“When I was their age, my ex-husband and I would stay behind after the movie finished and make out.” Blair shrugged, sidling closer.

“Wow, I did not need that image in my head, thank you.” Spencer rolled his eyes.

“They’re fourteen, Spencer. They are most definitely making out in there.” Blair laughed.

Spencer pulled a face, looking a little like a moody child being told he couldn’t have ice cream for dinner.

“I was in college by the time I was fourteen and everyone was significantly older than me. Is it normal to be making out at that age?”

“Very,” Blair nodded, leaning against the wall of the theatre next to him. “You really did not have a normal childhood did you?”

“I did not.” He sighed. “I didn’t kiss a girl for the first time until I was twenty one.”

A silence passed between them, the awkwardness of this situation washing over them like a wave. Spencer stuffed his hands in his pockets and rolled his lip between his teeth.

“You didn’t call.” Blair finally broke it, her eyes turned down.

“I specifically remember you telling me not to.” Spencer shrugged.

“Unless you were choosing me.” She nodded. “So you chose then?”

Spencer nodded slowly, inhaling a sharp breath before letting it out through his nose.

“I did.” He caught her eye. “I chose my girls. I chose me.”

“Good for you.” She offered him a half smile.

“I’m sorry for the way things ended. I did intend to call but every time I went to I thought you wouldn’t want to hear from me. I figured with our kids dating it was inevitable we’d run into each other at some point.”

“Did you mean to cringe when you said our kids were dating?” Her smile grew.

“No, that was entirely involuntary. It has nothing to do with Cameron, he seems like a really good kid. I just hate that my daughter is old enough to date.” He laughed.

“And make out with boys.”

“Ok, you have to stop that.” He shook his head, causing Blair to giggle.

Just then the front door of the theatre opened and Daisy and Cameron emerged, hand in hand. The sight made Spencer’s stomach coil into knots and his chest tightened painfully.

And he did not miss his daughter's kiss-swollen lips.

Oh good god, I can’t deal with this.

Blair nudged him in the arm as he was staring awkwardly at them and he desperately tried to push past it and not dwell on the fact his daughter was making out with boys in movie theatres.

Daisy and Cameron joined them, hands still interlocked.

“How was the movie?” Spencer asked, trying to keep the emotion from his voice.

The teens exchanged a look, smirking at each other.

“It was good.” Cameron shrugged.

“Really good.” Daisy agreed.

Spencer pulled a face, wanting the ground to swallow him whole. Once upon a time he would have snatched Daisy away from him, forbade her from seeing him.

He was growing. Or at least he was trying to.

“Can we all go get ice cream?” Daisy asked, looking between them.

“The four of us?” Blair frowned a little.

“Yeah.” Daisy shrugged.

Blair looked at him with a questioning expression and Spencer sighed.

“Seems super awkward. Count me in.” He agreed.

Daisy let go of Cameron’s hand and he and his mother started walking. Spencer hung back with his daughter and eyed her curiously.

“I swear if this is some kind of parent trap…”

“Dad, trust me when I say I do not want you dating my boyfriend's mom.” Daisy scoffed before walking off, catching up with Cameron and slipping her hand back in his.

Spencer didn’t move for a moment or two, simply staring at their entwined hands and ruminating on his daughter’s words.

“Boyfriend?” He grimaced. “My daughter has a boyfriend.”

@foxy-eva @kbakery @chrissyflo3 @simxican @aysixdy @givemeth @loonalockley @shamlessfangirl-3 @derekm24 @pinkiceee-prose @werewolfbansheelove @mindbelova @hades-disappointment-child @weirdothatwritess

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x fem! reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction

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caelesblues · 1 year

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across the universe (part 1)

⋆｡°✩ what it's like to love a member of the astral express, even when you're universes apart ⋆｡°✩

c.w./t.w. fluff with bits of angst, lowercase intended, intense word vomit

word count: 2,750

characters: welt yang, himeko, dan heng

gn!reader, title is inspired by "across the universe" by baek yerin, notes at the end.

part 2 (with march 7th, stelle, and caelus)

“why are you still with him? he left you didn’t he? he’s probably never going to come back anyways, so why are you still waiting?”

“how are you sure that he's not cheating on you out there? i mean you said it yourself, he’s traveling to different planets, who’s to say he’s not fooling around every now and then.”

“you’re wasting your time by staying with him, just break up with him and move on already. you’re not even sure if he’ll still love you after all these time away from one another.”

life really does like to throw curveballs at you every now and then huh? you would have never thought your relationship with welt would become conversation fodder for anyone, and you could’ve never predicted that they’d be bold enough as to outright say to your face their unwarranted opinions and remarks. but you can’t necessarily blame them as well, seeing as how such an upstanding man as welt yang just suddenly upped and left to join a group of intergalactic adventurers to go on, as they would say, a “trailblazing expedition” across the starry plains.

okay so maybe it wasn’t as sudden as you make it out to be (like he just disappeared into thin air one day), but it was news enough for everyone else as well that at some point people were questioning your relationship with him.

at first people would just extend a sympathetic pat on the back or say some comforting words when welt just left, it then morphed into others skirting around the topic of him and your relationship for fear that they might upset you when a considerable time has passed since he first left, and now they’re outright questioning your loyalty to him when it’s been years since everyone had seen him last.

it truly fascinated you how they once looked at you with concern and pity as if to say “you poor thing, left all alone”, but now their gazes lock onto you with a look of incredulousness as if to communicate “what is wrong with you, you’re waiting for nothing”.

but all this talk just proves to you how the general public don’t really know either of you properly, and how other people’s views of your relationship will never really mean anything. while to others welt might seem like such a cold and distant (no pun intended) lover ever since he left to pursue adventures across the galaxy, it could not be further from the truth of who he really is as your lover. the thing about a man such as welt is that he is a stable and reliable presence in your life, that second guessing has no room in your love for one another.

even across the universe this aspect of him and your relationship did not change the slightest, in fact your relationship just got stronger through the challenges you’ve faced together brought about by your unique circumstance. sure communicating with each other when you’re so far apart is quite the herculean feat (especially when he finds himself in missions, in which he can become virtually uncontactable sometimes), but welt will always find a way to send you a heads up of his current situation and will either message or call you once he finds an opportunity to do so.

he seems to have a knack for knowing when you’re suddenly doubting yourself and where you stand in his life, and so he does his best to constantly remind you of just how important you are to him and that this distance between you can never overpower the overwhelming love he has for you. welt is always making time for you even when he is considerably busier, even finding ways to include you in his adventures, be it through pictures, videos, or taking you on a virtual tour on their current stop.

that’s why you pay no mind to the naysayers trying to chip away at your resolve, doing their best to plant seeds of doubt and mistrust in your relationship with welt. they’ll never know of the numerous ways you’ve both cultivated a routine with one another to accommodate your (incredibly) long distance relationship, will never be privy to how you’ve learned to better trust one another at such a crucial turning point in your lives, the ways you’ve managed problems along the way, and how incredibly in love you both still are.

what others say don’t matter to the both of you, what’s important is even with the universe itself separating you both, you can always count on each other.

space is cold, both the great big universe out there and the spaces beside you that himeko used to occupy. you guess this is to be expected, after all himeko has always exuded such an incredible sense of warmth about her. Ever since you both were kids she had radiated even amongst her peers- alway getting high remarks, easily making friends, showcasing her myriad of talents, getting recognition after recognition; it always felt like a person such as herself would be an untouchable figure, but still had enough grace to mingle amongst the common folk.

admittedly this is how you felt when you first met her when you were kids, but the closer you two became the more you understood that while himeko is undoubtedly someone who is always destined for greatness, at her very core she is just someone who has a heart of gold.

ever since then you’ve stuck by her side, the once distant admiration for the girl you held in high regards had slowly but surely blossomed into an unfathomable affection reserved solely for her. and so it left you completely in shock when you learned that himeko, a person so incredibly bright, warm, and loved by all, had harbored a crush on you as well. it was kind of hard to fathom what aspects of you she finds desirable in any way, but just as you found comfort in her, himeko also found warmth and solace in you too.

after the confession everything just fell into place, and the rest was history as they say. you both became each other’s beacon of light, warding off the coldness and darkness the world likes to throw at the both of you from time to time. since becoming himeko’s lover, you have had the privilege to see all kinds of sides to her that the public doesn’t necessarily have the chance to witness, and being there for her during one of her life’s biggest projects-reviving the astral express.

day in and day out you can be found helping her fix the train, from simply handing her tools to getting yourself all tangled up in numerous wires. along the way you’d both started to learn more about the express, and you’d witness there and then the determination that grew on himeko’s face-you knew that once the train was up and running again, she’d take for the stars just like akivili and the nameless did once.

just as you were excited for when the express would be in commission again, you were just as nervous to what it meant for the both of you. you and himeko knew that no one could stop her from leaving, not even you (as if you would ever in the first place, really). and so all you could really do from then on was countdown the days until she inevitably had to leave, savoring the moments of warmth you’d still get to relish in while she’s still here with you.

days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years-it took a long while, but the astral express was finally ready to go. the day of her departure is as clear as ever, watching alongside everyone else as himeko commandeered the train into finally take off for the great unknown, replaying the last face to face conversation you’d have with her for a while,

(“so uh….this is goodbye then huh?”

“i guess it is, but i’ll come back someday”

“will you though? and for how long will you be gone?”

“I don’t really know myself, you can’t really be too definitive with things like this”

“i know. i’ll miss you a lot though”

“i’ll miss you too. hey let’s promise each other to always keep in contact no matter what, ok? that way we'd still have each other even if i’m docked on some planet far away.”

“of course, i gotta make sure you don’t forget about me”

“and i have to make sure that even when i’m gone, you won’t find someone else to replace me”

“i could never”).

a lot of time has gone by since then but you both have kept true to your words of still making time for one another, and as the years have passed you and himeko have cultivated a routine-one that ensures that at least you still get to spend time with one another, even if just through virtual means. and it’s through these moments that you realize that no matter how far himeko may be nor how long you’ve gone without her by your side, she still radiates the same warmth you’ve always loved about her.

the fear you initially had of how himeko would go cold on you once she leaves, gradually dissipated when she showed you how utterly devoted she still is, how she never changed amidst the ever growing spatial distance between the both of you. you can still feel her happiness for you when you recount all the things you’ve achieved, how she’s always lending a sympathetic ear to your rants though she may be busy, the words of comfort through your times of need, and most especially how you still consider each other as home.

it’s through all these kinds of moments that you realize your fear was unfounded, that no matter where she is, your himeko will always be someone you can always find peace in. and that for her, she knows that somewhere out there she will always have a home to come back, a home in the shape of you. so while the spaces beside you that she once occupied have now gone cold, the love you hold for one another continues to blaze stronger than ever.

“hey, are you still awake?”

“i was just about to go to sleep actually.”

“oh…i’ll just call some other time then.”

“it’s ok, i don’t mind. besides i know you need me right now anyways”

“i don’t want to keep you up though”

“hey, what did i tell you again when you get nightmares?”

“....that i should never hesitate to call you.”

“exactly. ok, so tell me what happened?”

conversations like those are a very common occurrence for you and dan heng. though he keeps on insisting that you didn’t always have to pick up his calls, or that he’s just repeating the same stories over and over again, you shut him down quickly and thoroughly by assuring him that asking for comfort will never be too much for you.

see it was never like this initially, that man always had an aversion to seeking out help from others when he needed it, and you were the one dan heng was always hiding his woes from. for as long as you have both known one another, he had always put up a wall of having to be strong even when he’s so clearly falling apart at the seams. well maybe to you it’s clear as day but for a majority of the people he encounters, dan heng is simply just an impenetrable wall of aloofness.

getting to that point wasn’t an easy task to conquer, it had taken years of knowing and staying by each other to even get to that point. even then there were still times wherein dan heng would withdraw from you entirely, ranging from a few hours to a few days-but by and by, you’d still be there waiting for him patiently and he’d come to you when he finally felt ready to.

this slow but gradual strengthening of bond and trust instilled a confidence in you, that no matter what you’d be able to weather whatever storm may come your way…but things took a rockier turn once he left the luofu, bringing you both back to the days wherein he simply could not be reached. It was already difficult to get a hold of the man in person, but it significantly became harder once he started his starfaring journey with the express.

messages being left on read, calls not being picked up, being stood up on planned video call dates, taking hours if not days to respond-these were things that consistently happened once dan heng became on the run, and you greatly understood why these things are happening in the first place anyway because a lot of the time there are just things out of both of your controls (very distant intergalactic communication being wonky, the different time zones dan heng finds himself in, work that impedes a lot of efforts to connect, etc).

sure it was frustrating to deal with something like that when you never really had to in the past, but what really got under your skin was how you felt he started to drift away the more time he spent away. It disturbed you immensely bearing witness to conversations get shorter and shorter, the once comfortable silence now becoming painful pinpricks that can only be remedied once either of you leaves the call, and how you’ve now once again stood outside his walls.

it was essentially being abandoned again, but this time it felt even more painful knowing that you can’t even confront him as easily as you did once. you were losing your mind as the days passed, trying your best to remedy the situation you’ve both found yourselves in, but it was nigh impossible with a man as adamant in running away like dan heng. the more he fortified his walls the more you were losing hope in being able to fix your relationship, hoping that the next day will at least bring about some good in any way.

it wasn’t really until one day, after they recently completed another expedition that you got dan heng finally opening up to you. detailing how that particular experience made him realize that he was losing you for quite some time now,

(“the couple i met there….they reminded me of us”

“hm? how?”

“they were also going through a tough time, at least the one i talked to said so”

“....do you think we’re going through a rough patch right now?”

“i know we are”)

and thus that entire night was spent talking, remedying, and mending the relationship from the brink of fully collapsing. reminding the man you love that no matter where you both may be he can always turn to you for anything, that the universe itself will never be strong enough to deter you away from him. dan heng also assured you that he’s not going anywhere, even if he gave the opposite impression. that you can also rely on him when you need him, and that he’ll do better from now on.

the days and nights of worrying were undone by his simple action of finally reaching out, of finally letting his walls down for you again. a full night spent reassuring one another, learning how to better trust each other, and finding ways to better navigate your unique relationship. and that’s the thing with loving dan heng, that there will inevitably be downs to accompany the moments of highs, but you two will always find a way to solve the problems you face. though at times it may feel like either one of you is slipping away, one of you will always be able to pull the other back from completely disappearing. that nothing is ever too great for the both of you to face, because you’d always find your way back to each other.

“you ok now?”

“yeah, thank you for listening to me.”

“of course, i’ll always be here for you.”

“i seriously didn’t ruin your sleep?”

“nope”

“well, if you say so.”

“you feel like you can go back to sleep now?”

“yeah, all that talking made me sleepy to be honest”

“good, good. well i’ll also go to sleep now then.”

“good night, i love you”

“night night, and i love you too”

FINALLY IT'S HERE! this blog is not abandoned, i was just working on this one piece for such a long time T_T not only was i busy with other irl things, this work gave me such a hard time since i restarted this so many times already ಢ‸ಢ

this is such a word vomit and i'm not so sure with the formatting (looking at it makes me want to ndaoindawn), i might change it later on. anyways part 2 with the rest of the members will be posted shortly.

i hope this at the very least decent huhuhu. likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated!

caelesblues @ 2023 | do not steal, copy, plagiarize, or repost on any other platform

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr welt #hsr himeko #hsr dan heng #welt yang x reader #himeko x reader #dan heng x reader #honkai star rail x you #caelesblues #C(/˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)Ͻ✎🗒-dani writes #(づ๑•ᴗ•๑)づ♡-dani writes sfw

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